Remember my friends, there are always going to be a bunch of haters and naysayers out there. And even if you also receive love and support from the other side, the former just LOVES having the stronger grip over you. Love knowing that what they say and think of you, ends up affecting you way more than the love and belief that you get from others. Making you think that you have nothing... that you, are nothing.
I need to start by saying that I know I’m not one of the greatest and most talented artists/designers out there, and know that I have a long, long way to go (And yeah, I welcome that journey, and of course look forward to learning more, and to continue improving!). But more importantly... getting here has NEVER EVER BEEN EASY in the first place. I am indeed progressing and am indeed reaching those dream goals of mine, but not without tripping over more than one obstacle everyday.
I have had lots of people laughed and looked down on me over the years, all from different age groups, areas of expertise, etc. People from other occupations laughing that I wanted to work in this area, instead of studying for a “real job”. One of my own art teachers even flinging my final year project down to the ground, and nearly even stomping her foot down on it, before storming right out (She was having a bad day, but it still wasn’t right for her to personally take it out on my art at the time). People that just... never took me and my skills seriously, but still think it was perfectly okay to take advantage of me and treat me like shit (Like my first supposedly real job out of college, that I was abused at for nearly a year, and only got paid $1000, that I was told I was even lucky to receive, in the first place).
And don’t get me started on how after drawing for decades now (Ever since I was born), I’m still hardly noticed on any of my Social accounts for my art to this very day. But, you know what? That sort of thing doesn’t matter that much to me these days... especially when all the clients I have worked with up to this point, are people that I personally reach out to through emails and stuff. Granted, it took a lot of time, but I am happy to say that I have mostly (MOSTLY) grown out of my self-hating phase. Because constantly tearing myself down, especially when it comes to anything I achieve, is just not the way to go, my guys. 💦
... And also, I will say that I am really lucky that I can share anything I create with a few very, very close pals, my dear friends who are always nothing but excited and supportive of me... Besides learning to hate myself less (And love myself more), I have learned that these are the people matter so much more, the people I should be tuning my hearing aid to.
So yeah, this goes back to one of my past posts, about being KINDER TO YOURSELF. About actually seeing and accepting that you truly are PROGRESSING, no matter how slow it may seem at times. Be prouder of yourself, GDI! Why are you spitting down on yourself, for actually putting in those attempts??? For actually TRYING? You are actually working so much harder than you realise!
But yeah... I am still drawing, despite all of that. I am still doing what I do, because...
I fucking love what I do, so, so much. Despite how hard it is (AND GOD IT IS HARD, DRAWING IS HARD, LOL!), despite how much I have to deal with, up to this very day. Despite how many times I have to survive on a few pennies, during some extra though periods... And this effort and perseverance has gotten me to FINALLY work with clients in time. And I hope to work with more in due time, as I continue down this path...
Anyway, don’t stop. DON’T YOU. EVER. STOP. When it comes to doing what you love. Get back up, ALWAYS GET BACK UP, whenever those folks try to trip you over.
And make sure you start listening to the folks that are actually CHEERING YOU ON, including yourself. Swing all that LOVE in your heart for that thing like a pillow and smack those haters in the face with it, before continuing your way towards your goals!
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Rationally i know the friction i feel being back to being confronted daily to viewpoints and worldviews completely different than my own, sometimes completely divorced from statistic reality and deeply entrenched in mainstream biases and pernicious conservative rhetoric at uni (tho i can’t stand when it comes from professsors holding it as normal and neutral)(and it’s not like there are no divergences in my family or in my friendgroup), in dating, meeting new people, and on the internet, seeing art betraying biases i oppose to, sharing space with bigots is necessary to keep being grounded in reality.
On the other hand it feels like there are oceans of incomprehension between each and every person in this world, that i feel even while talking to or seeing art by people with extremely similar experiences as me, even with people with similar political ideas, the amount of bigotry to tackle in the world feels overwhelming, and im having constant paralyzing existencial crisis and worrying about environmental practices and structural inequality caused by capitalism and it’s. Not Fun.
There’s been many a study on alternative cultures and people joining them for merely shallow rebelious aesthetic reasons (hello to my friend’s « former punk » controlling dad spewing sexist victim blaming bullshit), and being alt doesn’t make you a good person, but man i wish some queer, vegan, punk and zero waste statements like « respecting people’s boundaries is crucial » « nobody gets to determine someone else’s gender » « gender stereotypes and language are human constructs people get to redefine for themselves, assuming someone to be any gender identity, or to have certain sexual roles because of their adoption of some socially gendered codes is bad » « gender and racial stereotyping in fiction feed irl discrimination and reflect on the author’s inability to question the world they live in (looking at you, comformist sci fi and fanfic writers obsessed with racist top and bottom headcanons) » « mainstream art seeks to reinforce capitalist ideals and the art financed through capitalism is enslaved to it » « cisheteronormativity flattens people who bow to it to unhappy stereotypes » « generalizations of entire groups are mere practical shortcuts, consquences of overly essemtialist thinking, and deny the diversity inherent to every human group » « people have a right to all harmless self expression » « people aren’t their governments » « destroying the environment is bad and we should do what we can to do as little as possible and reverse the damage of ultra capitalist urban lifestyles» « the western world being built on colonialism and continuing global exploitation through capitalism is bad actually, as is the average lifestyle being deeply wasteful » « racism and racial stereotypes bad » « you should get shit second as much as possible, make your own or pay well a craftsperson if you can » were baseline mainstream opinions and not shit that will get you looked at like an alien for saying out loud. Not that this isn’t still fringe for a lot of queer. Actually im tired of people’s political short sightedness in general
Like sure people grow and on average i want to believe less bigoted (although stats show in Europe the youth is more likely to believe someone caused their own poverty i know it’s cause some have not yet faced hardships getting a job but omg we are not making it out of the classist coalmine) but omg the amount of work to get to an ethical world, probably never in my lifetime, the moral rottenness of European islamophobia and zionism im witnessing daily, and the ticking clock of climate change. I feel like im going mad
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I mean this very sincerely, you don't have to let yourself waste away like this. You can just... reach out and talk to people. Spending your time attempting to hurt the feelings of strangers on the internet isn't doing anything for anybody. If you need someone to talk to, and I mean genuinely talk to about your life, and what's going on, you can send me a DM if you like.
this is the most roundabout "i can fix him" i've had directed at me yet
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