#What if you wanted it and your fam was like ''its a mental disorder and you're brainwashed'' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

supop · 3 years ago

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Stop putting words in the mouth of an entire fucking race you absolute geriatric goat. Koreans say this Koreans say that, bitch you're literally wrong. As someone living in Korea RIGHT NOW you are literally so wrong its laughable. No one hates Jimin here fam, idk what you're on about. He's topped the idol ranking charts for like 3 years now? His birthday cafes were also hella busy, not with foreigners, but with KOREANS wow go figure.

Also how fucking dare you use AN EATING DISORDER to mock someone?????????? What the actual fuck is wrong with you???? I don't care how much you hate Jimin, you absolute coward, but mocking a literal disorder is so fucking fucked up and you know it. Not only are you a coward for never responding to my well thought out, polite ask with links to prove you wrong but you're also a degenerate piece of whale shit for mocking an eating disorder.

"Jimin encourages starving" you stupid nematode how u gonna explain him gently telling fans not to go on diets and how its okay to gain weight during his vlives shut the fuck up about shit you don't know about GOD

Okay, Megan, 22, Cracker (not surprised you have a self-derogatory kink), living in Busan, Korea (but from Pennsylvania, USA) who is running a tumblr smut blog dedicated to posting kinky fantasies about BTS. I can see right through you, and there’s no need to lie just to reinforce whatever delusion beliefs you have about your fave.

You’re also very much sick in the head, Megan. You’ve already admitted in your shitty long rant that Jimin is very flawed human being. And yet you rationalized that by claiming to be “madly madly in love with him”. Oh you’re a mad person alright. If running your blog is a cry for help, then I’m telling you now to seek it. Pronto. You’re in love with someone who doesn’t even know you exist (and never will)? Mental illness is real. Is that why you skedaddled all the way to Busan to be closer to the love of your life? Wow you’re really living out the ARMY dream. While you’re at it, I’m guessing you couldn’t afford Seoul’s property prices.

Also are you a fucking idiot? First of all don’t even get me started on that fraudulent and rigged KBRI Brand Reputation (BR) idol ranking chart whose CEO (Koo Changhwan or Kooce) is a homophobic, misogynist who hates people from Gwangju and is a proud member of “ilbe storehouse” a community which is known for its highly anti-feminist, anti-lgbtq, and anti-jeolla views. Why do you think the first AND last time BigHit bothered to acknowledge that shitty chart was way back in 2016? Do you want to know the real purpose of BR? It’s not to rank the reputation of idols, but to get as much ad clicks from kpop fans as possible. Because we all know ads = profits. Also your idols don’t get any percentage of these profits. So of course Jimin always gets first. Because his goat stans would do anything to keep him in first place. Seeing that being #1 on a fraud chart is one of his greatest accomplishments, you can thank your people for doing their part to help line the pockets of a degenerate CEO.

Megan, tell me you’re a dumb bitch who only views Jimin as a sex object, without telling me you’re a dumb bitch who only views Jimin as a sex object. Seeing as you used that reputation chart and birthday cafes (which every single fucking idol gets btw) as the height of Jimin’s sense of self-worth and acknowledgment, I’m guessing your ability to stan is already knee-deep in hell. You claim to know so much about Jimin, and yet your knowledge of BTS stops and starts where your cunt begins. Jimin has solos in Korea too so of course his birthday cafes would be full of Koreans. Jimin akgaes are running amuck on DC Inside and do everything in their power to bring down the other members. So who else but Koreans do you think are running these accounts? International fans? Lmaoo.

What? Are you that upset your fave might have an eating disorder? If pointing something out is considered mocking, then that’s up to your own fucked up sentiments. It’s actually very concerning tbh. Rather thank cursing at me and making a post about how you want to swallow Jimin’s dick whole, maybe show a bit more concern for his well-being? Just a thought. You’re just another fucking delusional fan who is more sexually attached to the members than you are to their music. You’re worried about sexual assault? Did you know your entire blog could be charged on similar claims? Do you also know what they call people like you? Disgusting bottom barrel trash. I’m sure Koreans would love to know exactly what you think about your idols.

Looks like no one wants to read your shitty love letters. Lmaooo stick to writing smut, I guess.

It’s so sad to see that you’re Jimin-biased. People often complain that he’s the member who gets sexualized the most, yet here you are showing your ass in broad daylight. Btw thanks for not sending this anonymously. That was very bold of you, but aren’t you embarrassed? Lmaooo and since you blocked me, but still feel the need to lurk on my blog, it’s only fair that I block you too. Bye-bye. Au revoir. Wait since you’re in Korea, 안녕.

Edit: lmaooo I was too focused on the rest of your dumbass rant to realize you called Korean a race. You’re so fucking stupid Megan. Do you think living in Busan makes you Korean too? I hope not. Yet here you are speaking for Koreans when you can’t even speak the language. Like I said before: seek professional help.

#bts #bangtan speaks #weirdo #asks #supop thoughts #jimin #bts jimin #park jimin #yoongi #hoseok #seokjin #namjoon #jungkook #taehyung #ot7 #bts army #bangtan

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jamesdwannabe · 3 years ago

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I’ve been doing research and I highly suggest this book for anyone who feels like me and like you’re dead and in heaven! What I’ve gathered so far is past lives/reincarnation is real. It’s a magical gift from god that some of us go on to heaven when we die, while others get to experience life after life as someone else! Our obsession with the past…it’s all part of DID and otherkin which is actually our former lives wanting to come out and live life again.

We all get trapped in purgatory, though. When we die, we either go on to heaven or we go to purgatory. I died in the jail the first time I went cause I was already dehydrated for two days and they refused me food and I never drank any water. I hopped up the third day feeling great and I forced them to give me food and then I was able to finally reach my family and get bonded out.

The second time I went to jail was purgatory. I’d love to talk to y’all cause I’m currently working on a book about my life and all the abuse I faced, such as my childhood and adult abuse and relationship abuse, but also my terrible time spent in jail and all the transphobia I’ve faced because all of these things lead to my DID and bipolar disorder and my psychosis where I was delusional and hallucinating, thinking all kinds of things but mostly that I was John the Baptist on a mission from God to cleanse all the troubled souls and hell maybe I was at the time.

Anyone who knows the Bible well that can help provide me with information, anyone suffering any type of mental illness, anyone who wakes up everyday thinking they’re dead or in purgatory or any trans people who are experiencing what I am as in you’re suddenly showing symptoms of HRT but you’ve never taken T or estrogen a day in your life…and finally anyone at all who has any type of information and would like to be featured in my book/in a documentary I’ll one day make…please message me either HERE ON TUMBLR or DISCORD.

I’ll post all my social media so you can keep up with me but just know I get too many snaps a day to check there so tumblr, discord, or even insta and Twitter is a better platform to reach me than Snapchat but please still follow cause it’s my main base to post updates!

Again, if you reach out, it’s already assumed you’re giving me full permission to use your story but I will ask what name you prefer I use. If you’re using an alias then both first and last names are fine, but if you prefer your real name, please only give me your first name.

I will also pay you for any real and good and truthful information you send me, but I don’t have a bank account right now, so payment will come later once I’m allowed to leave my house and doordash again. I’ll pay you all a price I set later.

Please, only serious information. Even if you’re alive still and on earth, if you have any legit scientific articles or books that pertain to this line the heaven and hell afterlife book…I’ll pay for information. And if you don’t want to be paid in money, I can pay by shouting you out on all my socials since I have a large following, or I can send you books or clothes or anything you want. Just send me the link to what you want and I’ll deliver I promise!!

But no addresses please. Please have any gifts/resources sent to your local post office!

Thank you and as my girl tonya up in LCJ and Mr. Truman would say…good morning, good evening, and good night!

Love always,

🐐💕

Socials:

tumblrs: here (jamesdwannabe) or yourboyharrington or dudesofrp (still under construction but y’all send me rp recs, shoutouts, promos, or just rp related asks please im bored 🤣)

Discord: charliework #1346 (this is mainly where i rp so if you wanna continue our rp if we were partners before please message me again so I know who is still active in the community and for those wanting to rp with me now I’m always looking for 1x1s so please hmu for that too and again this is the main way to reach me if you have information for my book either your own story or books/articles about being dead, heaven and hell, purgatory, DID and bipolar disorder, or transphobia and abuse and just anything else I’ve posted about 💕)

Snapchat: coltwise or biggaymacdaddy (ill update this with more snaps cause im making a cooking channel and I also am making snaps for all my alters i only got mac so far and im gonna make james soon and i also have a daily prayers one I read the Bible at and take any prayer requests 🙏🏻 y’all have but i can’t remember the username but its either dailyprayers05 or dailyprayers55 but I think it’s 05. I’ll update all of this later fam)

Instagram: wisteriagrowshere (im gonna make alter accounts too eventually lol but i don’t use insta as much)

Tiktok: only got one and it’s relivingmyhorrors

Twitter: I’ll update this later since I deleted the app and don’t remember my username lol

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mens-rights-activia · 6 years ago

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I mean not to espouse baby boomer rhetoric that shits on millennials and minimizes our real problems but social media really can contribute to general unhappiness and exacerbate mental illnesses, among other things. Social media can be very good for connecting people and learning about new things and perspectives but its negative effects and aspects should also be a point of discussion among milennials and genZ more imo

One notable way this has affected a lot of young people is in a way of body dysmorphia. Last year, plastic surgeons reported an increase of what they call “Snapchat dysmorphia” where people want to get surgery to look like their faces with Snapchat filters on. Among this, it can also aggravate eating disorders for people.

There’s also the instant gratification that our generation has increasingly become used to which worsens our dependence on our various social media platforms and can greatly increase dissatisfaction when we don’t get new notifications or interactions with a post we make. Which may have a negative effect on people’s self esteem when their posts don’t get enough likes or desired attention.

Another thing I think that social media has done is that it has normalized a lot of otherwise alarming and rare things. For example, images of gore or videos of death are just not out of the ordinary anymore. I’m not saying it’s everywhere you turn but it’s just not exactly as shocking anymore because of how common it has become.

Additionally, I think that social media has also normalized advertisements. Advertisements used to be confined in very limited spaces: billboards, television, magazines and newspapers, and radios. But now they’ve become more pervasive and we’re increasingly desensitized to it. I mean look at Instagram, half your friends are trying to. Convince you to buy things under the guise of being an “influencer.” Your favorite youtubers are constantly selling you things and we’ve accepted this as just fairly normal. But imagine what people trying to sell you things looked like pre-social media? It was the Avon lady your mom avoided at supermarkets or the telemarketer you hung up on; it was less invasive and we could opt out.

And don’t even get me started on our data being harvested and used to finetune our advertisements. And this is getting increasingly accurate hence why there are times that you were just thinking about something and bam, you see an ad for it and it feels like they’re reading your mind. Nah fam, their profile on you is just so precise that it can almost predict what you’re thinking and it’s only going to get more precise.

Am I saying social media is flat out bad? No, I mean I’m posting this on a social media website, hoping to reach and interact with people on this matter. But what I am saying is that I feel like as people more directly affected by social media then previous generations, we should really start having more conversations about how it’s potentially negatively shaping our generation’s society and subsequent ones before it’s too late to change things

#social media #long post #this is long winded and filled with a lot of speculation i know #im on nobile at work so im not able to put links to articles in this necessarily

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pepperony3000-archive · 5 years ago

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Wait Endgame is your second favorite? That's surprising! No judgement though, but now I want to know how you rank all of them

Oh goodness… that is TWENTY-THREE MOVIES to rank! That’s hard! This might get very jumbly at around the midway point…

1) Iron Man 3 - Everything about it is so perfect. The Iron Fam being chaotic but also 100% supportive of each other? Tony being the first superhero in history to deal with mental disorders blatantly!!! onscreen!!! The action is top notch. The final battle needs to be taught in film school because it’s literally a metaphor for Tony’s main personal theme of feeling like he’s nothing without his armor, but then at the end he’s able to leap from one to the other because it’s not the armor itself that makes him powerful, it’s that he has the powerbravery/will to leap from one to the other.

2) Avengers: Endgame - Y’all are looking at it wrong. Pretend the Infinity Saga is a TV show and it just ended, and now the rest of the MCU is a spinoff show featuring some of the newer/recently introduced characters, but without the core group of the original show.Suddenly the most important characters getting to leave with a bang isn’t as frustrating.But I also love it because it got my two favorite characters so beautifully right! Tony and Natasha, because they are the two who are deemed worthy enough to be turned into the big talking points of the movies, got to end their TV show finale with a huge glorious heroic sacrifice that will make them remembered forever!The time travel is also REALLY clever. And this is coming from someone who has watched a LOT of time travel shows/movies. There is literally only one movie I’ve ever seen that handled time travel better, and that was Arrival. They did away with the time travel paradox by having every past even just create an alternate timeline. And really? They only asked for suspension of disbelief in service of a joke that was not even that funny and I sort of hated and because they wanted the old Steve scene to have a particular emotional resonance, and having him come back through the portal old… wouldn’t have done that.

3) Iron Man - I firmly believe that this is the best movie in the entirety of the MCU. It was the first, and yet it has never been topped. (and yet it’s #3 on my list rofl)It gave us a very complex lead character with a supporting cast that had a lot more depth in their first outing than some of the OG6 had after four movies (*cough*Clint*cough*Thor*cough* - Thor only got good development after Ragnarok). There was also subtlety to the story that it seems hollywood writers in general (and MCU specifically) is incapable of anymore.

4) The Avengers - the very first time in history we get a massive teamup of superheroes? sign me the FUCK up!Loki was a fantastic villain, the characterization of all of them (except for Clint… sorry, pal) was absolutely amazing, and it’s just pure unadulterated fun. Not much more to say than that.

5) Black Panther - Live Action Lion King (2019) WHOMST? There was a live action Lion King in 2018 and it was called Black Panther!I have a few issues with it fuck YOU vibranium! but it’s SUCH a good movie. T’Challa is quite possibly the noblest MCU character/lead, and the supporting cast are all incredible. I also loved the idea that the villain was… actually… right? Oh he was wrong a FUCK in deciding that the way to go about getting it was through violence, but his end goal was correct.Which is actually very subtle (and again… one of the very few MCU movies to do that) and very important message - because so often people seem to think that violence is the answer. Because the cause is “right” and “just”, excessive violence or threats of violence are considered the proper course of action. But as Killmonger proved, that wasn’t the way. Instead we all need to be like Nakia - who wanted the same thing, but worked for it through kindness, sacrificing her own desires, and making the first tiny hole in the dam.

6) Captain America: The Winter Soldier - I firmly hold that this is one of the most overrated MCU movies, and it’s what started Steve Rogers down his path to… the character he ended up becoming… but it is an excellent movie!Natasha gets amazing development, Sam Wilson is better in this movie than he has been since, and the emotional stakes are very high and very well thought out. Also I’m sorry but the bold political statement of “nazis torturing people is bad” is… not all that subtle? or bold? I don’t know why people are saying that this is the movie that addresses difficult political questions because… it doesn’t?

7) Spiderman: Far From Home - I’m sorry y’all, but I love my boy Peter Parker and if you don’t like this movie then I might just fight you.It was a terrific followup to Endgame, and Peter’s trauma was dealt with in a very realistic and unbearably painful way. Mysterio was the perfect villain for Peter to face, because he forces him to confront his trauma… even though he forces it by first torturing Peter with it, but Peter is forced to find a way to cope with his fears, his grief, and his feelings of inadequacy. Also Peter/MJ is the literal cutest and I love them so much.

8) Avengers: Infinity War - ngl this was a VERY tough battle between this and FFH, but FFH won by just a hair.Thanos is the greatest villain of our generation, quite possibly of the past 2-3 generations. The characters they chose to pair up together worked extremely well - I didn’t know how much I needed the Thor/tree/rabbit teamup until it happened. And then that ending… never before has the world held its breath together in such shared anguish as when we watched Spiderman all the characters we love so much fade away into dust. And there was a great cry in all the world, such as never has been or ever shall be again!

9) Captain America: The First Avenger - Steve Rogers has never been better than he was in this film. Unfortunately it was all downhill after that, but it’s because of this film that he was my second favorite character for a good five years. There is a gentleness to this Steve that is utterly lacking starting in The Winter Soldier, where he becomes this machismo who obsesses far too much over anything he has one (1) emotion about because he doesn’t know how to handle it.This Steve Rogers is emotionally very intelligent, and is genuinely willing to do whatever it takes to do what is right.And I will say, I can understand why he made the decision he made in Endgame, because Peggy is such a brilliant and dynamic and interesting person, I don’t think anybody could have resisted staying with her (if she agreed to have him). @Marvel please bring back Agent Carter, because I need more Peggy.

10) Captain America: Civil War - This movie did a lot of studio mandated things, and because of that was weaker than it might have been, but I hold that it is a very good and very solid movie. Unfortunately, a big fault of the movie is that I don’t think Chris Evans believed in what he was performing, and so couldn’t give it the complexity that it needed (particularly as the Russo’s take input of their cast into consideration when making their movies… actors get to choose a lot of their own character beats unless it’s a plot-mandated beat). And unfortunately, Steve Rogers suffered for this.If The Winter Soldier is the one where he began obsessing over anything that gave him one (1) emotion, this is the movie where that tendency grew two extra heads and turned into a monster. Steve sees this argument the way a soldier who is used to following orders during wartime would, whereas Tony sees this argument the way a strategist during peacetime might. Steve thinks Tony is “trying to win a war before it starts”, while Tony thinks he’s deescalating rising tensions. And unfortunately, Steve is too blinded by his one (1) emotion to see the complexities in the situation.Which, while it frustrates me how poorly this movie did Steve’s personality, those dynamics are very interesting to watch play out onscreen. Plus, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the emotional beats - particularly everything that has to do with Tony, is some of the most beautifully written and performed drama I’ve seen in a while.

11) Spiderman: Homecoming - This movie did such a good job of giving us a teenaged Peter Parker. All the other movies, Peter didn’t feel like a teenager. He felt like a grownup. This Pete is definitely a teenager - he’s a young kid in a big world trying to be a superhero, and because of that trying to take on problems that he is not experienced enough to take on.The journey he takes on this movie is to learn just exactly that, and by the end he probably is experienced enough now to take on those bigger threats, but he makes the mature decision not to do that quite yet - proving exactly the kind of man he will eventually grow up to be.

12) Thor: Ragnarok - Finally Thor gets developed. Hemsworth really shows off his acting chops in this movie. He’s always been very charming as Thor, but this is the movie where we learned that he’s not just charming, but also a very talented actor. I personally found some of the clumsiness/slapstick around his character a bit much, but Hemsworth performed it perfectly.This is a movie where the story doesn’t actually matter. Honestly… who even remembers the story? The important thing about this movie are the characters, and they are all done incredibly well, except possibly Loki, and even he got some good development at the very end of it. Thor is finally an interesting character, Hela is an amazing villain, Bruce got some fun development, and Valkyrie should have been introduced five movies ago (@Marvel give me a Valkyrie movie! Why the FUCK are we reportedly getting Thor 4 when you could have had Thor stay behind as king of Asgard and giving Val her own movie instead? Especially since all of Thor’s important relationships are dead or in the gotg movie, so he has nowhere to move on to! If we don’t have good characters/dynamics, Thor 4 will suck! It will also suck because the heart of his movies have been his relationship with his brother, and that’s gone now).

13/14) Ant Man and the Wasp/Ant Man - Honestly these movies can just be grouped together, because they’re very very similar, and all I would have to say about one I’d say about the other.

The Antman movies are very light hearted and comical, and the important thing here (like Ragnarok) is not the story, but the characters. The family relationships explored here honestly feel like real families - they just happen to live in a world with superheroes. I think AMaTW is the better of the two, but only by a little bit.

15) Iron Man 2 - This is another movie that was made lesser than it could have been due to executive meddling. Honestly, if you re-cut the movie and just take out all of Coulson’s scenes it becomes a much better movie (and would have gone higher on the list).As it is, Coulson dumps expositional world building that doesn’t really work in the context of the movie.What does work is the chaotic-yet-supportive Iron Fam (once again), and the introduction of Black Widow. I think Natasha might have had the best introduction in the MCU, because the audience was who she was fooling. Her job is to manipulate people and fool them into thinking she’s what she wants us to think she is, and only reveals the truth when she’s ready for it. And that is exactly how we were introduced to her. The underlying plot of Tony struggling with his imminent death was also incredibly well done. He wanted so desperately to not be dying, but there wasn’t anything that he could do. And when he ran out of options, he behaved in such a way to make things worse for him (health wise), because nothing was worse than sitting back and waiting for death to come. Better for it to come quickly and for the agony of just waiting for it to pass. Unfortunately Coulson takes away some of the gravitas of that by forgetting Tony was dying and threatening to taze him…All in all, a weak story but fleshed out by some of the best characters the MCU has ever created and introduced.

16) Doctor Strange - A decent movie with decent characters. There is nothing particularly memorable about it, but also nothing particularly bad about it either (beyond casting a non-Asian actress as the Ancient One).

17) Thor - Sort of like Doctor Strange, a decent movie with a charming lead but mostly terrible supporting cast. I will hold that none of the human characters are actually very good. At all. The best thing Ragnarok did was drop them all like the movie ruining load that they are.Once again, Loki is a good villain and an interesting character, and while Thor is underdeveloped he’s incredibly charming and likable in spite of that.

18) Captain Marvel - Yes I am a woman. Yes I disliked Captain Marvel. Can we move on from that please.If Thor is a decent movie with a charming lead, Captain Marvel is a decent movie with a terrible lead. I do not find Carol to be particularly interesting, and will hold that Brie Larson was incredibly miscast in the role. (if you want to hear why, you can peruse this). In general, it’s also a movie that relies a little bit too much on 90s nostalgia, and as somebody who personally hates when a movie relies on nostalgia to be considered “good”, all of that rubbed me the wrong way. The same applies to Ragnarok tbh, but I didn’t mention it up there because I wanted to rant about wanting a Valkyrie movie. (@Marvel please)Unfortunately, this movie is also not one bit subtle with it’s message. And as a woman, I do not relate to a woman whose only personality trait is “stand up to men”. Every other female character in the MCU is quite capable of standing up to men, and they all have a lot of character outside of that. And I will stop there because even saying that much risks me getting blocked right off of this hellsite…

19) Guardians of the Galaxy - I am definitely in the minority for this one, but I never liked this movie. If the 90s nostalgia in Captain Marvel rubbed me the wrong way, the 80s nostalgia in this movie was rubbing me the wrong way. with sandpaper.But my biggest problem with this movie is that Quill is not interesting enough (in my opinion) to be the central character. These characters all feel like sidekicks, and without a strong central lead for them to be sidekicks to, everything just feels very underdeveloped. I also find the humor in these movies to be very cheap and childish.However, I love that the team very much became a family. I believe in their relationships with each other even if each person as an individual character feels very weak.

20) Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - If you took GOTG1 and flipped it on it’s head, you’d get GOTG2. This is quite possibly the worst MCU movie ever, except that… somehow… it has some of the most heartfelt and meaningful emotional beats out of all of them.I felt every single emotional beat, and the fact that the characters were all sidekicks… actually worked well for this movie. They didn’t need to be more than sidekicks, because the “kick” part of sidekick stands for “kick ass”.However, the story was atrociously bad, and one of the worst the MCU has ever done, which is why it’s below GOTG1. But only slightly.

21) The Incredible Hulk - Does anybody even remember this movie? It was boring, uneventful, had the wrong guy playing Bruce Banner, and was just poorly written throughout.

22) Thor: The Dark World - This movie is a boring, dreary, horribly written, badly directed mess. Some of the stuff up on Asgard was decent except for the fact that they fridged Frigga for no goddamn reason, and everything that happened on earth was goddamn awful, verging on embarrassing. And don’t even get me started on the dark elves. They were rightfully dropped from the MCU and never mentioned again because they are just That. Bad.

23) The Avengers: Age of Ultron - the movie where Joss Whedon fucked up Natasha’s backstory for the sake of his self-insert ship, infantilized Wanda Maximoff by insisting the woman with cleverly displayed cleavage who was clearly in her 20s was actually only 15, did not solidify the team as a family (THIS IS THE MOVIE WHERE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN GODDAMMIT), and disrespected literally every movie that came before (including his own goddamn flick).Wow I just realized that most of the awful shit he did was done to the female characters. Can you believe this disgusting asshole has the audacity to call himself a feminist? Fucking disgraceful…Fuck Whedon. He doesn’t deserve to come within a thousand yards of a woman.

#ranking mcu movies #Anonymous #Ask me a question #long post

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growing-yet-into-magic · 6 years ago

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The Practical Psychic Self-Defense Handbook

Another find at the local library, of course, where they have somehow manage to accumulate the weirdest occult books I’ve ever seen. Some of you may already have seen this disaster of a post (the nonsense is in the notes). Well, here’s the real review.

Robert Bruce, an experienced Australian Psychic, claims that he has huge experience with spirits and spiritual entities, not to mention spiritual attacks, and ultimately has decided to write a book on it in order to help you (someone who doesn’t know what they are doing) fight off any potential negative (shortened to “Neg”) attacks, entities, etc.

The book starts out with a hard hit and a miss when it starts telling you about chakras as if they are vitally important to you learning from this book. It then proceeds to drop chakras for the remainder of the book. No, I don’t understand why. He also begins by claiming, right off the bat, that “many physical and psychological disorders are caused and spread by negative spiritual influences”, making me want to toss him right over the side of a ship. This is one of the things that makes this book read as very predatory; he remarks relatively often that there may be a cure for psychical and psychological disorders by treating it with a spiritual treatment as opposed to mental health or medical treatment. He then says that most spiritual teachers and leaders are unable to help you, and that all they do is recommend “white light” which can be ineffectual, you have to listen to him, he’s the guy that has the answers. It’s extremely coercive, and the tactics used allow him to take advantage of vulnerable people who may be suffering from serious disorders, telling to stop seeking alternate treatment and fall to fear tactics telling them it’s bad energy or bad spirits. Perhaps it could be spirits. I wouldn’t know. That being said, fear tactics shouldn’t be the selling point of your book.

Overall, this book is also really unpleasant to literally any person with a mental illness. The author paints people with mental illnesses as potential victims to “Neg” attacks and as likely to become violent, once-human-now-a-spirit “Negs” after death. The combined analysis of a widespread and complex community is absolutely startling, and reeks more of superstition than fact. In fact, a lot of stuff in this book reads more as a social commentary via psychic metaphor. No, it is in fact a stretch to tell me that all salespeople are psychically talented. Navigating people does not require psychic energy. Your brain is already hardwired for human communication. He also tacks on “okay, but maybe see a professional” immediately after telling you that you will be screwed over if you see a mental health professional because they will convince you it’s all in your head and you will never get better because you’re not treating the real problem: spirits. It just reads as a cop out as to not get sued, not actual care for the reader’s mental state. Not going to lie; as a psych major, I was close to hitting the wall with my chair after reading this book.

Other questionable things he’s said:

Satanism is always bad! And has the worst spiritual effects!

Mentioning voodoo dolls as if he has a right to

You are coerced into “gender issues” because a “Neg” attacked you whilst you discovered masturbation as a kid

Also, this is also apparently how you get nasty kinks

Sex=energy bond, takes longer for its effects to break for a woman than a man, he’s personally witnessed it fam so it must be true

Don’t commit suicide, because if you do, your afterlife will also suck (and then presumably you’ll become an “ex-human Neg” and become a spiritual hazard)

Dude says he isn’t religious as a “mystic” but also uses God and Angels in his recommended plan of action

Oh AND he pulls stuff from the Kabbalah as if he has a right to!

Just in general, he recommends speaking as the most effective method, which is not super helpful for people who, you know, can’t speak?

And, of course, everyone remembers the Sexually Transmitted Negative Spirits conversation. If not, here’s the stuff from the book.

I’m not going to lie; I read this book because I was not well-versed in spirit work, and I was wondering if I needed more power in my pocket in case anything came up in my house or my craft. There was some theory in here I found interesting and helpful, things I’d never heard of before as well as things I had, but ultimately? The first half of the book and I was over it. A few new tips, some new things to ponder over, a slightly more solid game plan, and I was done. The dude presents basic energy work as life changing (while plugging his other book), basic cleansing tips included things like “incense!” and “let light in!” and “Kiss from a Rose, by Seal”. ‘Twasn’t anything more than I would see on any baby witch post on tumblr.

Oh, and the flamethrower. How could I forget the flamethrower?

Ultimately? It’s not a supremely awful book. It’s got a lot of problems, but most metaphysical books do, and this rated pretty low on the racism and the transphobia scale (you know, as far as being on the scale at all goes). I harp on the problems a lot because it’s fun and I don’t have too many other hobbies besides shit-talking metaphysical books. As far as introducing me to psychic self-defense, I think I learned a lot and don’t really regret reading it. I just, you know, wouldn’t buy it. Borrow it from your local library, and the most you’ll regret is maybe an hour after the three hours of reading it.

Blessings! <3

#witchblr #witchcraft #growing-yet #books #witch books #psychic #metaphysical book

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cheylouwho · 7 years ago

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South Park: The affect of Abuse and ACEs on Behavior

One thing that’s been a hot topic in the SP fandom as of late is the discussion of how the behavior (both past and present) of the child characters are affected by the experiences we’ve seen/heard about in canon. Today we’re going to talk a little about three of the most damning cases; Cartman, Tweek and Butters.

Disclaimer 1: This analysis will contain several mentions of childhood trauma such as abuse, neglect and sexual relations. Please be mindful that you have been warned.

Disclaimer 2: This is for the sake of analysis and application of knowledge that I (and those in the SP analysis discord) have. We are in no way professionals. I am only a preschool teacher so my knowledge in the field of abuse and neglect is limited to what I’ve been taught and what I have witnessed/experienced. Please take the speculation with a grain of salt… maybe even the whole shaker. Just dump it in your mouth and enjoy almost 4,000 words of fully sourced “its not that deep, fam”.

Preface: What We Know about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

Before we can really dive into this whole thing, we need to discuss ACEs. These are, to put it simply, traumatic events that occur during childhood that can have lasting effects on a person’s social/emotional, cognitive and even physical development well into adulthood. They’re mostly used for identifying children/people at risk and for research. It’s pretty interesting how that’s done, so I implore you to research more if you’re curious. These experiences can include:

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Emotional abuse

Physical neglect

Emotional neglect

Intimate partner violence

Mother treated violently

Substance misuse within household

Household mental illness

Parental separation or divorce

Incarcerated household member

(Source)

Given we’re talking about Cartman, Butters and Tweek, I think you can see why I bring this up. Taking a look at this list and the canon evidence we have in show, it’s easy to say that they’ve all experienced some of these traumas. Two more important things from the source article should also be noted for the sake of this analysis:

ACEs cluster. Almost 40% of the Kaiser sample reported two or more ACEs and 12.5% experienced four or more. Because ACEs cluster, many subsequent studies now look at the cumulative effects of ACEs rather than the individual effects of each.

ACEs have a dose-response relationship with many health problems. As researchers followed participants over time, they discovered that a person’s cumulative ACEs score has a strong, graded relationship to numerous health, social, and behavioral problems throughout their lifespan, including substance use disorders.

“Chey, what the fuck are you on about? This doesn’t make sense!” you might be saying. To truly understand how these ACEs apply to these three kids and how they affect their behavior, let’s take a look at them on a case by case basis.

Cartman’s Case

Eric Cartman is probably the most interesting child in terms of applying the ACEs checklist, as well as other knowledge about abuse and neglect affects on children. We know, from canon, that Cartman lives with his single mother. He’s a low-income family. His mother has been/may still be a sex worker. He’s is very inclined to violence and seems obsessed with sexual topics. It’s very interesting to note that towards the beginning of the series, while evidences were present, Cartman was a lot more innocent. As the show went on and some of these ACE experiences actually happened in building canon, it’s worn on him and shaped him in real time into the character we know today.

ACE 1: Sexual Abuse. It’s been strongly implied that Cartman has been sexually abused.Here is a not-so-short list of examples from the fanon wiki (source). It’s long winded and detailed, so here are a few notable points (as well as some that I’ve added myself).

Engaged in inappropriate/sexual behavior for his age, such as “touching wieners” with one of his cousins (le petit tourette), giving handjobs (Fat Butt and Pancake Head), insisting on measuring penises of his classmates (TMI), putting Butters’ penis in his mouth (Cartman Sucks)

Has been sexually abused by his mother/because of his mother (An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig)

Has been abused by several adult men ON SCREEN (The Simpsons Already Did It, Cripple Fight, Cartman Joins NAMBLA, AWESOM-O, The Return of Chef, It’s A Jersey Thing)

There’s also the strong point that Cartman has come to associate sex/love as something undesired, humiliating or painful. Again, the wiki wonderfully spells these out, but I’ll summarize. Cartman constantly treats any form of sexual or romantic relations as rape and assault. One example is in the Coon and Friends trilogy, he believes a woman having a consensual relationship with a man in the park is being “raped” and needs to be saved. Another example is his expressed sadness at the New Kid’s “dad fucked your mom” backstory in FBW. Another one that is not often touched upon in his reaction to Tweek and Craig’s fight in Tweek X Craig, in which he exclaims wholeheartedly that the two of them getting into an alteration is “sex” and seems intrigued to watch what’s going to happen. He also uses sex as a form of humiliation. I’m sure this is common knowledge at this point but his infatuation with making Kyle suck his balls in Imaginationland but also in his culmination of Butters’ photographical humiliation (AKA, sticking his penis in his mouth).

It’s not talked about on the ACEs website, but children who are sexually abused are likely to exhibit disdain (but interest) in sexual relations and acting sexually mature for their age.

ACE 2 and 3: Emotional abuse and neglect. Now, before I start this, you’re probably going to say, “BUT CHEY! Liane loves and dotes on Cartman! That’s why he’s spoiled!” Boy, do I hear you, but I’m going to explain myself. While Liane does spoil Cartman to hell and back, I’d like to argue that it’s empty. Liane may often tell Cartman she loves him, she also uses tactics such as bribery (food and other things Cartman likes), neglect (Cartman has said in canon, and she’s admitted herself, to being too busy to deal with him due to being a single parent), and also exposes him to things he should not be exposed to (sex, drugs). She treats him like a friend or a companion rather than her son (Tsst) which allows Cartman to have free reign. But free reign is not always out of love and care. I’d like to argue a lot of Cartman’s power is from lack of parenting and involvement in his life.I’m sorry if this part isn’t phrased too well; I had a hard time articulating it.

This may also be why Cartman has such a mixed relationship with his mother. He’s fed the idea that things are okay and great, that nothing is wrong, and he literally eats it up. He’s not outwardly talkative about what goes on at home, and when he is, he seems to regret it immediately. His disdain for his mom may not be purely “selfish greedy child”, but completely justified “abused child”. As phrased wonderfully by one of our server members, “that’s why he calls her a bitch and all those kinds of things yet still protecting her whenever they try to rip on Liane. Because that’s the kind of love he’s used to.”

Furthermore, consider the situation around Cartman’s birth. Liane was young, drunk and the town “slut” (their words, not mine). Cartman’s father’s identity had to be hidden and there’s no doubt that took a tole on her. I’d imagine being a young, single mother is not the path she wanted for herself. I tend to think of it as a cycle- Liane doesn’t want to deal with her child due to his behavior so she checks out of the situation, actually making Cartman’s behavior worse and so on and so on. Another possibly related scene could be in “Cartman’s Mom Is A Dirty Slut”, when she still outwardly seeks an abortion for her 8 year old son.

On a slightly unrelated note, this may also be one of the reasons for Cartman’s infatuation with Kyle. He seems to mistake the traits of abuse/neglect (anger, fighting, etc) as love due to how his mother treats him. This is why he thinks Kyle enjoys his company/likes him as a friend despite how much Kyle pushes back.

Other likely ACES: Witnessing intimate partner violence (his mother is a sex worker and he’s claimed to have been in the room during these acts), mother treated violently (FBW’s little Liane arc gives me bad vibes), substance abuse within household (I forget which episodes specifically but Liane’s done drugs), parent separation or divorce (absent father figure).

Cartman’s Conclusion:

Cartman has a grand total of SEVEN potential ACEs. The reason why I started those two additional facts at the start of this is because they are culminating (several often pop up and are related to each other) and affect behavior and relationships. Cartman’s behavior, while obnoxious and impulsive at best and downright despicable at worst, can be somewhat explained by the experiences he’s faced. Abuse, neglect and sexual assault have led him to search for forms of power and control in his life, whether that be over himself, his mother or his friends. His views of the world are shaped by what he’s seen and felt. Unlike Tweek, however, he doesn’t have much of a support system, and with the “sugarcoating” under the guise of love and care, he’s less likely to get the help he needs. His risks for childhood and subsequently adulthood are very high.

Butters’ Case

Butter’s is your stereotypical abused child in terms of his behavior and coping mechanisms. I believe that even casual show-watchers would agree that he’s in some deep shit. Unlike Cartman who is a lot more nuanced about displaying what he’s experienced, Butters is naive and innocent and resilient. He easily follows what others (CARTMAN) ask of him. He assumes a more submissive role in his life, working hard to make others happy and put them first to avoid trouble. He’s an easy target for bullying and being humiliated or used. He says things out loud without noticing their implications to what has happened to him.

Unlike Liane who covers her (probably unintentional) neglect with the guise of love, he has no such outward statements from either parent. The closest we get is “this is for your own good”, but there is no loving undertone, it’s purely corporeal. Their abuse is right in his face; it’s physical, it’s mental, it’s terrible. Steven Stotch is the primary abuser, and while Linda has done her fair share of harm, she’s generally more passive. She even states in Grounded Vindaloop that she “lets [Steven] handle the grounding”. Steven Stotch, as of FBW, is also a victim of abuse, showing that he’s perpetrating it in a cycle (you’ll notice this theme a few times in this little essay).

It’s clear as of season 20 that the effects of constant abuse have finally worn on Butters, due to his angry outbursts and sudden shift in attitude (if you want to look at it from a character standpoint and not as lazy writing cough cough). He’s hit a breaking point in what he can take, and the more he’s been exposed to his ACEs (like Cartman’s case) the more behaviorally challenged he’s become.

Another aspect to consider is his relationship with Cartman. Both share similar ACEs, but cope with them in different ways. Cartman chooses to be a controller to earn back what he’s lost, while Butters is more suited to take a backseat and follow. This is why they, despite having a very dysfunctional friendship, stick together. It may appear that Cartman is the only one benefiting, but I believe it’s more mutualistic based on their respective coping mechanisms.

ACE 1: Physical Abuse. Butters has been shown to be physically abused time and time again by Steven. He’s been hit, talked about being hit, and the biggest piece of evidence that scares the shit out of me personally is that Steven pulled off his belt and prepared to hit Butters in front of his classmates in Grounded Vindaloop. Corporal punishment has been shown time and time again to be detrimental to children’s psyc, which aligns given how Butters acts.

ACE 2: Sexual Abuse. Butters has mentioned in The Return Of Chef that he has been sexually abused by his uncle, which does not surprise me in the slightest. Butters, unlike Cartman, goes the total opposite direction of how to cope with this sort of experience; he’s blissfully unaware of what has happened and rather than let it consume him (ex. cartman) he brushes it off as no big deal. Whether this means he is truly unaware of the connotations of what was done to him or if he’s purposely repressing it is unclear, but the evidence is there that it did happen.

ACE 3 and 4: Emotional Abuse and Neglect. This one is abundant in examples. Steven appears to play a lot of mind games with Butters, whether it’s demanding he stop having nightmares (The Death of Eric Cartman), getting in trouble for looking a certain way (How To Eat With Your Butt and The List), or simply for being bullied. They constantly ground him for things that he has no control over, simple mistakes or things that he was not even involved in. I believe that Steven, similar to Cartman, takes the helplessness from childhood abuse and hurts Butters in order to feel in control of himself.

Other Possible ACEs: Household mental illness could be argued as one of the ACEs Butters experiences, although not officially confirmed in canon. I do believe that Linda has some form of mental illness due to her behavior in Butters Own Episode. Although not listed in the article, Steven’s infidelity and the tension that causes on his and Linda’s marriage is also a potential ACE, especially given that Butters was directly exposed to that whole fiasco.

Butters’ Conclusion:

Butters’ innocence is likely a form of coping mechanism for what he’s encountered during his life. Constant physical and mental abuse have worn on him over the years, turning him more bitter and forcing him to act out. I believe this also can be accredited to his mental break in season 19’s “Safe Space”, as this is the big start of his downward spiral. Unlike Cartman, there is no cover-up for his abuse being simply that- abuse- so being able to divorce himself and his emotions will be easier for him if he were to receive support or help in some form.

Tweek’s Case

Tweek is an interesting case because while he does have emotional abuse, neglect and and forced substance abuse (coffee and/or meth addiction), he also has canon mental illness that exists outside of how he’s treated. The abuse and neglect of his parents only amplify the effects of said illness. I’ve had a selection of anons over time talk about his potential (though not confirmed) mental state, most agreeing it’s some form of panic disorder (the Tweaks claim it’s ADD, but this is really just a load of bullshit and we all know it). He is often exploited by his parents (ex. “Having a homosexual son is good for the business” in FBW) or outright lied to for the sake of business. They often brush off his worries or ignore him completely.

ACEs 1 and 2: Emotional Abuse and Neglect (EXPLOITATION). The Tweak family are no strangers to emotional abuse and neglect. Right from Tweek’s character introduction, we know something isn’t quite right. His parents feed him excessive coffee, which is later revealed to be laced with meth (did you know that meth increases body temperature, as well as caffeine overdose raising heart rate and induces anxiety? (X) Would you look at that evidence). They also frequently blackmail him into work through the threat of “selling him into slavery”.

His defining traits are usually watered down to “spaz”, and more recently, “homosexual”, hinting that his parents really don’t pay much attention to him to know much more than that. They either ignore or hardly acknowledge his fears and worries, leaving him to cope with anxiety and personal issues completely alone. He’s clearly unhappy and potentially aware of his shitty situation- in Tweek vs Craig, he slams his head against the table repeating that he “want[s] out” and that “you never help me”. In Tweek x Craig, his parents only seem to take interest in his developing relationship due to the rest of the town and their desire to look good. If you use this as anything to go off, most of their “parenting” is feeble attempts to keep up appearances.

In SOT, it’s strongly implied that Tweek is the one to usually pick up meth deliveries from Kenny’s house. This is another form of abuse, though I’m not sure if it’s exactly emotional, that he’s forced to endure. A ten year old child should not be exposed to those sort of environments, let alone be involved in the trade of drugs.

ACE 3: Substance Abuse in the Household. Whether it’s coffee, meth or other form of drugs, there’s something going on in the Tweek home that I am certain counts for this ACE. As stated in the preface, higher numbers of ACEs contribute to higher likelihoods of substance abuse- what if the child is already unintentionally abusing substances? He’s got coffee with METH INSIDE IT. I don’t think I need to go much further. There is also the possibility that with his misdiagnosis of ADD, Tweek may be provided access to other drugs for substance abuse. Meth is actually used as a way of treating ADD (X) and could be in reach for him. There’s also Amphetamine (X) which has noted side effects of "excessive grinding of the teeth,... profuse sweating,... and tics..." which could be related to his behavior. This is all purely speculation, however.

Tweek’s Conclusion:

Tweek’s struggle with mental illness is not helped by his parents frequence abuse and neglect. He’s often blackmailed into situations he doesn’t want to be in. Similar to Cartman, his forms of abuse are often sugarcoated as love, making it a little less obvious for him to pick up on. In contrast to Butters, however, he’s much less of a follower and can throw a punch when he needs to protect himself. He’s incredibly resilient and has managed to, despite early substance addiction and neglect, hold strong and even overcome massive obstacles. Of course, these are partly due to his newfound support from...

The Effect of Solid Support: Craig, Heidi, and Liane

Creek shipper or not, there is no denying that Craig has played a massive role in Tweek’s recovery. While Tweek appears to be very naturally resilient despite the odds stacked against him, the presence of someone who will actually listen to his problems and not brush them off is a huge step in the right direction. With Craig, there is a sense of trust and understanding as well as respect. He’s treated as more than a few buzzwords or free labor or any slew of hurtful remarks. His fears are able to be acknowledged and sorted though, whether it be Craig’s logical talk-throughs or someone to pat his back and say “that sucks and it’s okay” (Put It Down). Ever since the introduction of Craig as his boyfriend, we’ve seen some interesting steps in the right direction.

S21’s main theme of relationships drew a lot of interesting parallels between Creek and Heiman, namely the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship. Similar to Steven Stotch, as mentioned in Butters’ case, Cartman went from abused to abuser in his relationship with Heidi. However, this was not always the case.

In early S20, Heidi was in search of her own form of support after being abused by society, simply put. She was able to find this in Cartman, who was dealing with a similar situation at the time after being “murdered” by his friends. Her presence did arguably turn him around for awhile- he seemed much happier before his self-destructive tendencies and self-doubt came in full swing. The cycle was perpetrated- Heidi wasn’t what he needed, so he went from abused to abuser. Heidi could be argued to have turned into another Cartman because she faced a watered-down version of his interpretation of “love”, aka abuse.

Let’s consider another pivotal moment for Cartman: TSST. This one is such a telling episode. While Liane is the source of most of his issues, when she was able to step into her role as a parent and provide the structure and support Cartman needed, his entire personality turned around. It wasn’t until she began treating him like a friend or companion again that he slipped back into his old ways.

Between these two scenarios, I believe it shows that if the patience and care is taken when dealing with Cartman, there is the possibility of healing. Heidi failed because she too was equally vulnerable and not in the right headspace, ultimately harming both of them (this does not excuse how cartman treated and manipulated her, BTW). Liane failed because she fell back into her cycle instead of sticking with what she had built up.

Conclusion

In conclusion, despite sharing similar ACEs, all three children we’ve discussed have different forms of coping and managing their trauma. The abuse that Butters has faced is easier to “remove” from his life due to no emotional (love) being involved in corporal punishment; however, Tweek and Cartman’s abuse have longer lasting repercussions because they’ve accepted and adapted as “that’s just the way it is”. That’s not to say they’re beyond help; all three, if done soon like in Tweek’s case, can be used to heal.

I leave this post with a sort of “call to action”. While we are talking about purely fictional characters and situations that “aren’t that deep, fam”, there are actual children suffering from these kinds of experiences. If you are aware of them, or see the red flags, please don’t hesitate to get help or find someone who can. Nobody should be like Eric Cartman and display serious red flags but slip under the radar. Thank you very much for reading my long, LONG analysis.

Special thanks/credit to the south park analysis discord ( and @dumbthotticusplayer2) for helping brainstorm/discuss :)

#south park #analysis #eric cartman #tweek tweak #butters stotch #abuse mention #csa mention

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crackcrocs · 4 years ago

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DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #8

8. Survighter!

Seeming like a strong person but really having awful mental health on top of being a survivor & a fighter is embarrassing as fuck I can’t lie. Yeah mental health & trauma are factors as to why I am the way I am. I’m trying to reconstruct & upgrade myself man but in order to fully move forward I need to deconstruct.

I feel like when you break your hand or something & get a cast everyone comes to sign it & feels all sympathetic, when it’s mental health cos you can’t see it- in the past when I’ve deeply opened up about it people run the other way & don’t even actually care or apply empathy let alone sympathy (which I hate) they don’t try imagine how deep routed the pain is. ‘It’s all in your head’ EXACTLY that is the problem, being @ war with your own thoughts & being unable to switch the thoughts off every second of the day is not a hobby/

I’m not putting my good people in the same boat as those ass holes, sometimes I genuinely just don’t. know. how..?

coupled with other things, Borderline Personality Disorder is fucking horrible to live with. BPD affects how I function in every aspect of my life & trying to be ‘normal’ takes everything in me.

women wit BPD usually get misdiagnosed because they endure & suppress their feelings to an excruciating length. sometimes I feel so different & my head functions & interests feel so far out there to me I wonder if I’m autistic. I also don’t care bout labels as I feel they don’t define me. but it helps me knowing what I have and gaining knowledge on how to manage it not just survive n feel like I’m coping.

As of now it’s the BPD that drives me nuts; it’s like bipolar but on steroids if uno any people who suffer from that. I don’t expect all my friends to educate themselves on how horrible this mental illness is but I let it be known.

replying can feel like such an effort when stressed even if it’s people I love. I think it’s a thing of not wanting to only communicate stress to people, like not wanting to add to their worries even knowing they could potentially help n a conversation with them is deft going be beneficial; but also physically Feeling unable to communicate cos we are a generation of lost connections.

I guess in the past year n more so since lock down I’ve come to some understanding on how I function or I’m @ least trying & don’t have anything shitty holding me back from my progress or keeping me in a selfish captive, further adding to the trauma Pie.

I’ve been thrown a bit overboard since Tai passing & I’ll say it again & again until I can say the words ‘I feel stable again’ with chest. Thankfully I have regained a segment of strength to keep going whatever does happen, in comparison to the first 2 weeks of finding out which was hell.

I guess I just wish everyone around me like my fam n that n even society were as open & questioned themselves on a similar level. I’m not saying I’m a know it all- but there is a power in knowing & truly expressing oneself.

Sometimes I feel conversations can be so superficial / limited but then I have amazing people around me n I’m like Damn I couldn’t have scored a bunch of m8’s like this if I was an uncool idiot

i care more about the people around me than I do myself, even if I don’t express that, it’s because I look @ me & all my friends as equals, & sometimes I equally deserve to recharge my energy positively in the way that I put out positive energy to my friends when I do see them. I am just every weary & cautious because I have or had too much love n heart n I would die twice if I let myself get stepped on ever again. the people around me inspire me & keep me going in a way that I could never put into words how thankful I am. so I’m sorry if it feels that I don’t care or I am faking shit n stringing people along due to my lack of consistency in which in turn makes me seem like an absolute dick when luv is all we all need m8

10% of BPD individuals will die by suicide & i don’t want to prove that statistic to be right.. I don’t wanna join the 10% but like it’s not like I’m like this for fun??! it’s shitty when one of the dumb voices in my head tells me everyday that I’m a replaceable waste of space n would be better off dead. I hold myself back. It’s me vs me. escape / isolation is what I be on when I be deeping life because it feels like I’ll just suck the life out of everything for everyone. It isn’t your fault or any of my mates or family, I’m not just going to ask folk to be my doctor or therapist, I can just ask you to understand & I’m a person with A LOT of depth. you’d probably be disgusted if you stepped in my brain.

but I can’t change the fact my brain is wired differently from enduring a cycle of abuse. I’m sorry but for that I cannot apologise. Its a wonderful world n you’re a beautiful human, sometimes I feel trapped & I’m honestly just trying to escape the madness.

I just need to get into my head that conversation isn’t dreading & people that love/ care bout me don’t mind however depressing my energy Is & jus my being is enough. I NEED to get into the habit of phoning even if jus short chats. It’s just hard to. this year more than any other one because I was suffering in silence all those years, I finally decided to speak up & I'm in the process of clearing my plate, so in this time it is unfair on the happiness of the people around me when all I have to talk about is the same repetitive shit I’m going through.

It’s hard to say goodbye to people especially if you feel like you didn’t get the chance to say what you needed to say. I’m not trying make excuses but I needed time to mourn, I know it’ll never stop hurting but I needed time to make space in my heart for positivity. Tai was very significant part of my life. we all have different coping mechanisms n I am not an energy vampire, I am someone who doesn’t like to depend on people as a source of happiness & learning to accept help is something I’ve always had hard cos the people I’ve been damaged by have always been the ones closest to me, & I’m @ point where I’ve got great people in my life & trust;my problem is how do I consistently open up without feeling vulnerable, when I was literally trained to lie for a paedophile. preserving thoughts to myself is my forte & I hate myself for it.

It has been a roller-coaster of emotion & I’m sure everyone has enough stress on their plates already in this plandemic. but I just can’t bear the pain of Tai’s loss. & it sucks I feel annoying constantly going on about him because i know it’s not as personal to others and though might feel obligated to reply when I can’t expect you to know what to say back each time about it.

I also couldn’t promise consistency when Life has sucked the joy out my pum pum.

i felt sick knowing the abuser got to go to the funeral & it was impossible for me to go because of my affiliation. I just wanted to die & for at least the first month I didn't have one sober day since Tai died.

& I know i should just message but it’s been hard to be happy because Tai was the one good ting that came out of my abuse, so with him gone I felt no sense of direction & security even knowing people around me.

Suicide can be triggering for someone who has lived with suicidal thoughts & attempted it before, I guess part of my brain tries to convince me that if I don’t have people around me that care/ & I distance, it won’t matter so much when I’m gone. It’s a selfish way of being but I’ve also never had caring promising intimacy at the beginning of my experimenting phase. so I’m trying to overcome these thoughts & when I do reach out it’s because I do have the energy.

I guess all I can really ask for is understanding & patience, even that I don’t expect. I’d never ask or expect anyone to stick around.

To anyone with mental health, I’m sorry & you will get through. I don’t have the answers but do what makes you feel calm & close enough to happy-personally, I think it’s the purpose of life. hydrate & elevate my lovelies. moisturise too. If you have a voice in your head that makes you feel like you’re less than you are, invite your personalities to a table talk & tell the bitchy degrading shell part of your brain that’s preventing you from doing YOU, that it’s a bloody wankstain. but it CAN be great if you remind it that it’s in control & the power is yours!!!

P.s: If you have an abuser in your life or something, expose them in whatever way is going to free you (be safe)!! if you’re friends with or know the child of your abuser but the child doesn’t know the parent abused you, I URGE YOU to express, firstly you have no idea if they were going through it too!! secondly don’t live with the regret of not telling your tale while you have the chance. You don’t deserve to feel silenced and like you need to protect any abuser!!!!!!

Peace and love

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

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letsleep-away · 7 years ago

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Can you share your experience of what it's like being in a psych ward? I've always tried to avoid getting myself into one. Does it ever help at all or does it become another problem/burden with whatever that comes along with it? Also all the best to you, and hope you get well soon.

The number one advice I will give someone is to do their research. If you know you will end up in one, work things around so you at least end up in a good one because psych wards can be dramatically different from one another and it can be the difference between helpful or traumatic. I’ve been to two different ones so far and a psychiatric emergency center. I will put my experiences underneath because it will be kinda long

1. Emergency psychiatric center: not a psych ward, but if you go to the ER they might send you to one of these. This place is more of a 24-48 hour thing where they figure out where they will place you.(skip this process if you can). In my experience, it was pretty bad. You are basically in a big room with a lot of couches and beds with people who can be very severely mentally ill and sometimes aggressive(so you have to see tons of people being retrained and sedated …and at times unfairly) to people who are just there bc they got drunk and got in a fight/got destructive and had to choose between jail or eps. I was just 19 and most of the people there were 26ish. The nurses totally did not keep confidentially and told my parents everything. It was pretty bad.

2. Now actual psych wards:

- Rooms/bathrooms: this will be different depending on where you are. On my first psych ward you shared a room and there were communal showers and bathrooms. on my second one we each got our own beds with a personal bathroom, the doors for these bathrooms were held by a plastic thing so you couldn’t lock yourself in there but it was pretty nice.

-Food: food was good at both places I was at. you could choose your own menu in the second place and it ranged from salads to pizza and burgers and stuff like that. All three meals were at the same time every day but if you didn’t want to eat it at that time they just placed your tray somewhere and you could eat whenever you wanted to. There was always crackers or milk or snacks on both places.

-Belongings: Phones and every item of clothing with strings is taken away. sometimes if you come with a bag of clothes they even take that and its hard to get that clothes back, so its easier if fam/friends, bring you stuff afterwards. No strings or anything that you can use to harm yourself is allowed in the clothes and most places let you keep your shoes if you take out the laces. Most people just walk around in socks that they give you there though. They have phones there that you can use to call your friends, fam and people can call there too, usually patients answer and look for the person who is being called.

-Coffee/ Smoking: prohibited in both that I went

- Sedating patients with meds is SO common. Only in the first place did I ever see them physically restraint a patient…but I swear psych wards give anti anxiety meds like candy its annoying

-Groups/activities: pretty boring and standard. In both that I went to, going to groups was completely voluntary but it was a plus to being allowed to leave the ward so I always went. Because the severity of mental illness between patients, most groups were taught in such a way that it felt like I was in elementary school. After a while I got used to it though.

-Nurses: So in every day and shift you are assigned a nurse. They will give you your meds and if you have any concerns of questions you go to them. Some can be super nice and some are rude and annoying AF. I’ve had both.

-Psychiatrists: OH MY GOD. LIKE IS ONE of the fucking requirements that all psychiatrists be assholes???? The first one I went to she told me I was borderline and doing everything for attention and didnt want to let me out. The second one in the second psych ward told me he wasn’t getting me on meds because i would “overdose on them” and the third one I saw in the same fucking psych ward on my second attempt WOULDNT let me leave without having a confirmed psychiatrist appointment even though it was impossible to get it to soon and I was way past my 72 hour hold and was not suicidal anymore. the nurses helped me lie in order to be allowed to leave. He prescribed me a med that is an anti depressant But also an appetite stimulant when I told him I was bulimic. the thing with bulimia though is you BINGE a fuck ton…so why would an appetite stimulant work???and he kept on asking me daily if i was eating??like wrong fucking eating disorder dude. He was 80 and could barely walk and was missing half his teeth and his appointments with me were no more than 5 minutes. I thought I was getting locked in there forever.

So positives of psych ward: first couple of days tbh its super helpful. some groups do teach you knew things and being away from your daily stressors and having no choice is pretty relaxing. you can read or watch t.v all day knowing that you really have no choice but to just be in the moment. its a good place for thinking and being able to talk to others about what you are struggling about. I found friendships easily there. Although there are patients there who can make no sense (first psych ward this guy said i looked like his uncle and called me Tim the whole time I was there. He always always asked if I did cocaine for some reason. On the second psych ward, this patient always came into my room and cried in the corner asking me to hold her hand because she was scared and wanted confirmation that god loved her and forgiveness..it was sad at first but when the meds made me drowsy i just wanted her out of my room) there are also patients there that you immediately bond with. Like in both i had my friends who i sat with and had movie night at night time with and talked about dating and how crazy the doctors were and just how sucky depression was and things like that.

Negatives: Leaving is ALWAYS an issue. Wether you are on a hold or voluntary it doesn’t matter. If you leave against medical advice, your insurance can choose not to cover your stay(in the U.S) so unless you have thousands of dollars, you have to stay until you are told you can leave…which the psychiatrists have absolute decision making in that process. I always stay longer than necessary and have to fight my way to be let out. It feels like a prison towards the end and its pretty scary. This girl where I was at had a different psychiatrist..shes only 18 and she was wanting to already give her electric shock therapy and discontinued her meds because she didnt want to. She diagnosed her all fuckd up and wrong and she was giving people lithium and thyroid medicine when they didnt need it. She always was keeping the girl in for over a month…which is crazy. Mine would have dragged my stay but the nurses lied for me and helped me out and in the first ward my parents argued. When you switch over from a 51/50(72 hour hold) and they ask you if you want to do voluntary, always say no and they’ll put you on a 52/50…which means 14 day hold but all of those need hearings and most psych wards release you right before the hearing because they know they’ll loose. Some wards actually are pretty bad and terrifying so please please always research before you go to one.

This totally might be different if you are there voluntarily though. I was always there because of self harm or because i overdosed and came in with a 51/50 so yeh.

#depression #psych ward #mental health #anxiety #overdose

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bex-the-mess21 · 7 years ago

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So.... how's your personal life? Love, A nosy little shit :D

god, please always feel free to be nosy. Like, I generally suck at conversation - especially talking about myself - but give an actual prompt/question even about the most random shit and I will talk to you all day

That being said, to understand the complicated (if rather boring) existence that is my personal life you must first understand the intricate bond b/w @lordjeanliness (L) and I.

So, very end of Freshman year of college, @the-fanciful-fangirl (Ash) and I have a Bonding Moment TM and become nigh inseparable. So come the start of sophomore year I am reintroduced to Ash’s fresh/soph roomie L. At first we’re all trying to navigate my very sudden closeness with Ash but about 5 weeks in and L and I have also had a Bonding Moment TM and figured out we share a bunch of random, obscure interests.

From there on out the 3 of us get along like a house on fire. Junior room we all shared a triple and Senior year Ash evacuated to an apartment down the road from L and I because student teaching is hell without other people in your space.

Senior year also brought the addition of L having a car which led to L and I spending various weekends with her family who live ~1 hr away. As tends to happen with me and my friends’ families, I was quickly absorbed into the family dynamic. Here we are a year later and I am under strict orders to come over whenever I want, whether they’re home or not, and to treat it like my house.

October of senior year L and I finally do enough *wink wink nudge nudge*-ing to realize we’re both asexual which prompted several months of “Holy Shit you too? Like all these experiences I’ve never been able to explain to other people but you actually understand them and we have so much more in common than we thought and HOLY SHIT”

At this point we absolutely became fused at the hip - totally inseparable except for classes, even going home with each other on breaks and messaging each other constantly when we didn’t.

And then …. Spring Semester - hands down a full on disastrous crash-and-burn, down-in-flames, no redemption, Shit-Storm TORNADO of awfulness coming from every side with not even a moments rest. Like, a significant number of us had mental breakdowns of various severities and I had to take incompletes even though I was part time and we all ended up with depression/anxiety disorders soon after and there were emergency calls and just…. SOOOOOO MUCH.

But the ONE marginally good thing that came out of it was enough breakdown in barriers and enough of a necessarily adopted “fuck it” attitude that finally told L in no uncertain terms that:

“Even if we’re not technically dating it doesn’t change the fact that you are the most important person in my life and that my relationship with you is my number one priority and that I am just as devoted to you as I have been to everyone else I’ve ever been in a committed relationship with.”

We’re still not going to be calling each other partners or girlfriends any time soon because we’re both still closeted to most people (with the exception of like our therapists, a small circle of trusted friends (many of whom are also queer), and tumblr) but I’m still definitely committed to that relationship above all else

After graduation I moved like ~ 40 min from L and her fam and I regularly spend weekends with them. I’m definitely an honorary family member and while L’s siblings kinda few it as “here comes our other sister” I kinda jokingly view it as “going to visit the in-laws” which makes everything 10x funnier.

And wow this is SO Much longer than I intended it to be but …..

Tl:dr - my personal life revolves almost entirely around L which may not be the healthiest thing in the world but we’re both recovering from a lot of things and we depend on each other. And even though both our families can be frustrating its been good to be so accepted by each other’s families.

Her and I are slowly forming new circles of supportive people who actually live near us and hopefully we’ll be able to live together soon on our own but still in the area to stay close with the fam.

And that’s probably way more info than anyone needed but that’s what you get for being a nosy shit :)

#friendship #lordjeanliness #oversharing for the win #send me asks #thanks nony

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someanswers · 7 years ago

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SomeAnswers RE: Relapse

Friends: it has been some time since I have been on Tumblr. I was really on a roll there - I'm proud of the SomeAnswers that I've been able to contribute to the world so far, and I plan to pick up where I left off with exploring alternative healthcare options.

But why? If I was on a roll, what would make me choose to stop?

It's a trick question. I deal with severe recurrent major depressive disorder. Between March 11th when I last posted (link) and mid-May, my depression relapsed following nine months of true remission. Beginning around the month of October after watching for ""the other shoe" to drop for so long, I started to think "hey, its over, we made it, we did it!!!"

I truly was so happy that I had shed the filthy shadow that characterized my being for the majority of my life. Things were going so well in all areas, but I was tired of watching. I was tired of having a fundamental lack of trust in myself that perhaps I was deluding myself into thinking that I was okay but really not okay. But the data (in the forms of grades, finances, and psych assessments) showed otherwise. Things were getting better. I thought to myself, "things aren't perfect, but even if this is as good as it gets I would still be so thrilled".

I essentially began to act as if I was "cured". In fact, I think I pretty much self-declared myself "cured". Treating depression is the most exhausting thing. A constant vigilance, a constant battle with yourself, a constant making sure that all self-care strategies are followed, a constant making sure that you don't miss any doses of medication, a constant intensive management of yourself. I was so tired.

I looked around at my peers and the lives they led. They could run off minimal sleep, be involved in every activity, and yet still maintain academic excellence, happiness, and relationships. I looked at the treatment plan for my depression. Physically, there was not enough time for me to work, do school, manage myself, and maintain relationships and happiness. In recovery, abandoning any aspect of the care plan resulted in a complete collapse of progress. It is like balancing your life on a steak knife.

My reasoning was, how much sustained progress was required before I could say that I was recovered, that I had killed the beast? It was a beautiful fight, I was so proud of myself for the progress I did make. For the first time in my life, I felt internal strength. To me, this signaled that it was over. I was out of the woods. I felt unstoppable.

Slowly, gradually, I began to stop the majority of my self-care measures. It wasn't anything I deliberately chose to abandon. It was in my view, rewarding myself for winning the fight. Having freedom to do most anything that I wanted without being followed by the specter of depression and the exhausting self-care measures that came with it, this is the "reward" I speak of. The ability to leave it behind, and fill the space with everything that I desired.

There was something I did not account for: stress. Under stress, I get depressed. Self-care measures work as a life raft in this situation. I might have been stressed, but I did not get classically "depressed". In these situations, I bear a manageable sadness. All stress ends, and when it does, I find myself on solid ground once again.

Around February, stress came. This stress was objectively long term. I was so wrapped up in getting what I wanted. I felt as if I had wasted the previous ten years of my life. You could call it "making up for lost time". When I left my depression and the interventions to treat it behind, I honestly forgot how to even self-care. My "self-care" had become going after what I wanted in life, regardless of anything else. I felt entitled to this, and I didn't want to let go of it. And so I went straight into a relapse which thankfully somebody else has taken the liberty of describing:

All of the above thoughts swirled in my head. In retrospect, they started as a whisper which gradually grew louder and louder. By the time I was able to hear it, it was too late.

Instead of throwing myself back into my self-care regimen, I threw myself into a list of

stupid arguments,

hurtful things said or thought toward others,

fuckboys who would string me along but whom I kept up with because their touch and superficial sweet nothings and understanding were like an opiate for the pain,

self-medicating,

complete rage,

and more than anything:

such a self-hate that I did not want to be around any of my friends or family - I looked back at my life pre-remission and saw exactly how much I had put them through, and this too, the guilt of what I had done to them in a mental state that I mostly do not remember, wrecked me.

I am happy to report that from the other side of this screen there is a Me who is back on solid ground. Pre-remission, my best friend in a strange way prevented me from going through with a suicide attempt. Strangely, this time he was there again in late April with a wake up call for me in two sentences: "Are you depressed again? I'm not letting this happen again."

What happened next was what progress is in recovery. His words called something in me to take stock of where I had gotten to. In that moment, the fear I felt was immense.

It was a fork in the road - I could have faith in self-care and other interventions that at the moment I saw no use for and step forward to recovery, or I could fall off of the edge of the cliff I was on and return to my former pre-remission state. That fear made me take the first step away from the ledge, and the second step away instantly reminded me of how much I was capable of.

In this return to recovery, I never knew what I needed from my loved ones or how to describe it. A friend introduced me to the song "Show Me Love" by Hundred Waters ft. Chance the Rapper and for the first time I knew what I needed:

"Don't let me show cruelty

Though I may make mistakes

Don't let me show ugliness

Though I know I can hate

And don't let me show evil

Though it might be all I take

Show me love

I see you, you see me

Aliens hanging on, release me

Don't let the feeling that I'm all alone deceive me

Just let me in and show me love"

I then started to ask for essentially the above from my support network. This relapse has taught me that love - not romantic love, but fam love, will always cause me to realign to where I need to be. When people show you love despite the sheer awfulness you may be emitting from depression, it is the ultimate reassurance that they know that what you're going through is not your fault. The clearance of guilt that this causes in my conscience - my god is it illuminating. It allows me to see that I am being deluded by my brain. It has been said before and it must always be said whenever it is relevant: Depression lies. It lies and it invites you so warmly into these lies that you want to be there.

What I keep coming back to though, is that remarkably through all of this, no matter how terrible I may have felt in the moment I always wake up the next morning. Every morning I wake up and recall the previous day and think "Jesus we're still around after that?" It happens without me trying. From there I can justify getting out of bed.

If you're depressed, you need to get treatment from a licensed professional. There is no self-medicating or positive thinking that will save you. If you're suicidal, think about if any of the above anecdote is applicable to you, and get help:

#personal #depression #mental health #mental illness #self harm #self care

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iron-sunrise · 6 years ago

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You can call me whatever the fuck you want but yeah. The fact that you’ve turned the metrics of not being straight/cis into a very narrow, contrived version of the oppression olympics does in fact make you a rape apologist.

Because if you accepted the FACT that Asexuals face corrective rape/sexual assault in exactly the same style as Lesbians and bisexuals/etc, your entire narrative would fall apart. Same if you accepted the FACT that statistically we have astronomical rates of homelessness, abuse, issues with medical and psychological treatment including the only recent correction of our sexual alignment from a mental disorder/paraphilia/pathology to an actual difference in sexuality-- same as what happened to every other letter in the acronym. Those are just two comparative samples of what y’all count as marginalization but deny that we face against all evidence. But you don’t acknowledge that, do you? The reciepts are out there under the tags in heavy rotation. You can’t have missed them. Therefor, yeah! You’re a rape apologist. And yes, its the same rhetoric. Y’all just switched the targets from trans women, SJWs and Black people and women (and on tumblr in some cases from “tucutes”/nonbinary people, bisexual people/etc) to Asexuals. This aint new, fam. You’re a reactionary. It’s gonna be what its gonna be. Y’all pretty much all roll the same. You’re pulling out all the canned Exclus isms we’ve all heard a billion times because y’all act like the fucking Borg like “changing werds” and “How dare u call me, The Perfect Marginalized Person and Authority Above all this THING” and blah blah but that don’t really change much.

Has anyone else noticed that all the posts about ending ace discourse (you know, the “why can’t we all be friends???” or “no discourse during pride month uwu” type ones) always read as “why won’t the mean allogays give up and let inclusionists do what we want???” and it’s so fucking entitled honestly.

like!!! that’s a side in the discourse! you guys have just been fed the idea that exclusionism is inherently bad despite being necessary for safe spaces to function! stop acting like being an inclus is somehow neutral!

#dickhorse

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chokemeseokjin · 8 years ago

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for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo @jinsasleep @taechy66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan, romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol

#this was kinda fun ngl #ask #mo

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surveys-at-your-service · 8 years ago

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Survey #72

hey ya’ll, kinda conflicting moods in this survey; the earlier, dreary-sounding answers, please do not worry about them, as i took this over the course of longer than a week. i was hospitalized this past week and am currently home safe again. i just don’t feel like going back changing answers, lol.

are you currently distressed about anything? yes, quite a bit. i found the gem to the ring jason gave me, but i can't find the ring itself... i really wanna fix it and wear it. i'm pretty damn upset about the situation, considering how much i cherish anything i've ever had from him. do you like your pop tarts toasted or cold? i like them how they are in the package. do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom? i prefer the front, 'cuz i can see better and i feel more obligated to engage. what’s your least favorite flavor of candy? orange do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? no. which is worse: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes? tornadoes, definitely. i live where there are plenty of hurricanes, and the last one we had that was truly devastating was floyd, and that occurred when i was a very young child. tornadoes, meanwhile, are more immediately dangerous. have you ever seen a black rose? no, but i would loooove to... do you like pie? no, actually. if you died right now, how would you feel about your life? it was a nightmare. do you have any morbid interests? gore and guts. bones. death itself, kinda. if someone were to ask you if you were okay right now, are you? no. i'm currently waiting for the suicide hotline's online chat room to open up. i've been a wreck all evening and google searched something i shouldn't have; google gave me the number to the hotline as well as the option to chat online. i broke the fuck down. i've been waiting for a spot to open for like ten minutes... have you ever thrown up from working out? no, but i know i've been close. do you have any gay family members? i think i have an uncle who is? would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? fuck yes i would be. (new day.) would you date someone who still lived with their parents? uhhh, why wouldn't i...? would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? nope. would you enjoy a night of playing video games? very much so. would you watch a porno with your partner? absolutely not. would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? errr... i hate admitting this, but no. it's suspicious. coffee or tea? i have a strong dislike of both, really. when was the last time you climbed a tree?  never; nc doesn't really have climbable trees, just pines. what clubs do/did you participate in at school?  i was in the art club and shit, what was it called... it was for honors students... what is something you and your best friend say/do that seems strange to an outsider?  act gay as hecke do you like to sleep near the wall, the middle, or the open side of the bed?  open side. what’s the strangest rumor that has ever been spread about you?  a rumor started in high school that jason and i had had a baby. a rachel is who told the person who told me, soooo i'm not stupid. i know which rachel started it. how involved were you in the drama of your high school? not at all. do you like to cuddle while you are sleeping? all night, no. when jason and i were dating, i would usually begin sleeping cuddled with him, but would pull away during the night because i got hot. what are you favorite places to be touched?  i'm guessing you mean sexually? personally my breasts are very sensitive to touch. do you like lip biting? again, in a sexual context? sure. describe your first date. jason took mom and me to see "ghost rider 2." i personally thought it was very cute that he wanted mom to come, too. what really goes on in your head? memories, poisoned with remorse. i'm always looking back and missing how things used to be. death and decay goes on in my head. passions pass away, and the darkness that i try so hard to keep in the back of mind envelops its entirety more and more each time i weaken. i don't mean to sound all dark or poetic, it's just... how i describe things. i wish just one person would understand exactly what's happening up there. do other people’s opinions mean anything to you? sometimes. have you ever just wanted to run away to see who would follow? i have run away, and nearly got the police on my ass. have you ever had a hamster as a pet? multiple times. all were assholes. who do you really need in your life? jason. yet he's not here. way down in there’s any part of you sad at all? all parts of me are sad. what’s your favorite type of insect? i really love butterflies, moths, dragonflies, ladybugs... is there anything worrying you right now? if so, have you talked to anyone about it? when am i not worried... i'm so scared jason won't come back. the last person i talked to about it was virginia, his mom. i was suicidal last night and was very, very sincerely contemplating killing myself, and i wanted to talk to him, because i feel like he's the only one who can talk me out of it. so i found their number and called their house past midnight. i talked to virginia; jason had just gone to bed, and she didn't want to wake him up. she's such a sweet woman... she tried so hard to help, but it was all in vain. apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? cry, i'm sure. does anyone see you as a role model? i'm certain that's a no. what is something that you’ve recently learned? it's very likely i have bpd. what is your most expensive possession? the laptop jason gave me... but it's broken right now. what’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had? aside from mental illness, the worst physical illness was just a REALLY bad stomach virus. i've never even had the flu. are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day?  if i ever get married... then yeah. it's one of my fairytales. what kind of music do you tend to like? heavy metal, some harder rock. do you have any mental disorders? and they're going to kill me. do you believe everything happens for a reason? fuck that. do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? yes. do you live in the moment? i live in the past. how many more minutes until you will next eat? i should've eaten an hour ago. but i'm too upset to be hungry. what do/did you normally get detentions for? i only ever got detention for too many tardies. what do you currently hear? "i don't love you" by my chemical romance, my typing, my sniffling, and my heart pounding in my head. do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? i won't have kids anyway. i don't even know why i'm spending my time doing this survey. i'm procrastinating on looking for any sleeping pills in the house. i'm done. do you like the band a skylit drive? i like their cover of "love the way you lie" who’s someone you want to see right now? jason. he could stop this. i know he could. have you ever been stung by anything? no, i haven't. have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to? no, i fucking hate people who do that. are you paranoid? only always. (next week) are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? nope. would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? which one seems best? hmmm. teleport, i guess. do you like soda pop? if so, which is your favorite and least favorite? i sadly do. i loooove mountain dew, and i really hate pepsi. does it annoy you when surveys ask questions about controversial topics, or do you like arguing your point? i like controversial questions, honestly. i like making a point. are there any specific piercings you would never, ever get done? the only piercing i would never get, even for a ludicrous amount of money, is around my private area. nope. assuming you had sufficient funds, would you be capable of living alone, paying bills and looking after yourself properly? honestly, no. probably not. do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? meeee! were either of your parents baptized? idk the last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? ha ha omg, a mosh pit at an alice cooper concert in north carolina... that'd be a sight to see. does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope. when you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken? burgers, almost always. are you self-conscious of your smile? yes, because my eyes squint. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? writing. sometimes drawing. what color do you really want to dye your hair? GRAY. mom won't let me. :( sunrise or sunset? sunset is prettier, imo. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i love some of the petnames colleen calls me, honestly. it's just sweet. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks suck. period. i avoid them at all costs. have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? how flexible you think i am, fam? do you play the wii? very rarely. be honest, did fifty shades of grey arouse you in any way? i didn't read/watch it, and i have no plans to. do have faith in yourself? lmao did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? i'm not sure, actually. i do know, however, everyone first thought i was a boy; i always had my legs crossed in the ultrasound. mom, however, "knew" i was a girl. does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? not really. like i guess if i called her to get me some ginger ale or something, she'd do it, but i kinda just take care of myself. is there a certain topic that you struggle to talk about, because it makes you feel uncomfortable? not really. if you’re not in college, why? because i mentally cannot handle the stress it causes. do you try to avoid burping in public, or are you open about it? after all, it is a normal bodily function. i'm very discreet about it normally, just because of social standards. around family and very close friends, i don't give a shit. do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? i like the fruity flavors. what do you think is the dumbest / tackiest piercing? i don't really know. have you ever requested a song on the radio? no. would you ever dye your hair black? i have before and i loved it. when did you last see the person you love/like? when will you next see them? i saw him yesterday... and i probably never will again... is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind atm? do you think that person will be thinking about you too? he always is, and i can absolutely guarantee he's not thinking about me. do you know the star sign of the last person you kissed? he's an aquarius, like me. what’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? got sexual on my parents' bed, i guess. who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you smile? are you attracted to that person? jason, and yeah... do you currently have any medicine in your bag / purse / etc? if so, what kind? no, i'm not allowed to. i overdosed the other day. what do you like on your pasta / noodles? sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? sauce, always. are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? why or why not? no, because love should be very openly celebrated. do you think teenagers can be in love? absolutely. i was and still am now from the same relationship as an adult. how fast does your mood change? 0-100 real quick, boo. at this moment in time if you HAD to have someone’s name tattooed on you who’s would it be? uhhh... literally no one's. i just wouldn't. well uh, i guess if it was life or death, uhhh... probably jason's, honestly?? but realistically, i never would get anyone's?? what’s your all-time favorite COMEDY movie? hm. maybe "white chicks" or "rush hour 2" how old is your most recent ex? he's 23. how many keys are on your key chain? two how does your hair look right now? it's all big and suuuuper curly!!! chelsea did it. :D does your house have a white picket fence? nope. do you wear bracelets? no, never. when was the last time you had sex? never. #regret do you have a wild side? only j's seen it, honestly... heh. what is your favorite thing about going to your grandma’s house? literally. nothing. who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? chelsea. good day. where do you plan on living within the next few years? probably the same 'ole north carolina. do you have an addiction? debatably the internet, but i honestly consider it more of a dependence. if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2016, absolutely. do you believe you should change who you are for the person you love? to a degree, sure. when you’re home alone, do you still keep the door closed when you shower? the bathroom door is open, my room door is closed. do you currently have a hickey? i wish ha ha. now your cell phone, what color is it? black. how many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? plenty of times. what color is your hair? ruby red, with redder highlights and brown roots coming in. your parents are divorced/married/separated? divorced have you ever let someone be your everything? and i'm a broken person because of it. do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like? no. he made it clear i deserve to suffer for giving up. have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? ahhh, yes. (: have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? no. do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? inside. feel safer/cozier. have you ever had sex or something like it? something like it, sure, but not actual sex. have you ever worn fishnets? i don't think so... but maybe for dance? do you always wear your seat belt? yep. have you ever liked someone much older than you? not seriously. are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? oh god. heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, asthma, cancer, depression, bipolarity, more shit i'm forgetting... do you have asthma? no. are tongue piercings slutty? ... no? last person to take off your pants, besides you? jason. when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? yep. what’s your second favorite color? pink, probably. how many times have you been so drunk you didn’t remember the night before? never. what sexual kinks do you personally enjoy, if any? i actually had to look up some kinks bc idk if some things are considered kinks or not? evidently even something as common as spanking is, and i'm into that very mildly. anr (i think that's be abbreviation, probably wrong...) is something that's like guaranteed to turn me on. i also like feeling/acting sexually submissive in general, but i deeefinitely wouldn't consider it to the point of the dom/sub kink. ever faked an orgasm? no. own some type of work out machine? not anymore. ever wanted to be a vet? i did as a child, yes. ever flashed someone you liked? i maybe have to jason, while alone with him, but even then i'm not certain i ever have. ever had a job? if so, what and for how long? first job i had for a month or two. second, like, four days. do you have a favorite sexual position, even if you’re a virgin? missionary is all i've ever tried and i'm fine with that. ever done oral? with how many people? yes, one. what condom brand do you use? i don't use them because i don't have sex. on the one occasion jason bought condoms just to be safe in case we chose to, i'm not sure what brand he got... do you use flavored/scented/glow-in-the-dark/neon/ribbed condoms? again, i don't use them, but also once more, on the one occasion jason bought some, they were just normal. what about facebook - do your grandparents use facebook? my maternal grandmother does. do you have any text messages from your ex, or have you deleted them all? no. the phone i've had i got after the breakup, so. tell me 3 facts about the first person you had a relationship with. i've "dated" three people, but i've definitely only had a romantic relationship with one, so i'm using him in this question. he loves games of all kinds, he's a huge joker (particularly heath ledger's) fan, and he's studying computer engineering/he's in his last semester. think about your last ex. do you still find him/her attractive? he's very handsome, yes. do you regret kissing the last person you kissed? i never will. have you ever wanted to be a teacher? nope. if someone were to ask you out right now, would you say yes? the only person i'd say yes to would be jason. what was the last thing you took medication for? my tremors. if someone offered you sex right now, how would you respond? again, i'd only yes to jason. do you think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? i don't think i found the person, i know i did. yet i can't. be honest, what do you want more than anything at this moment in time? i just want to cuddle with jason. have you had any conversations recently that made you feel uncomfortable or upset? i talked to jason, face-to-face, two days ago to assist me in gaining closure. very long story short, i was quiiite upset after he left. what’s the farthest away from home you have ever been? michigan the last person you had a thing with calls wanting to hang out. what do you do? say "of course!" in probably the most excited voice ever. what is your favorite shade of blue? hmm. navy, i assume. what ozzy lyric describes you best? a suRVEY QUESTION REGARDING MY FAVORITE ARTIST??? HELL YEAH!! anyway, i've felt a resonance with "you don't have to leave the lights on; i'm so used to being blind" from "tomorrow" for many years. what was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? giving up on just that: life. what is love really about? it's science, but also something inexplicable. it's the perfect combination of your brain's "happy hormones," and only that one person can achieve that certain mixture. granted, there are different kinds of love, and each one is unique. what metallica lyric most describes your life? wHO FUCKING WROTE THIS, ANOTHER QUESTION W/ ANOTHER FAVORITE ARTIST??? I WANNA MARRY THE SURVEY MAKER PLS. um anyway let's see, i could really list a few. first, i wanna say i feel a VERY strong connection to "the unforgiven ii" as a whole; all the lyrics mean very much to me. but if you want a particular lyric, these couple mean the world: "how can i be lost, if i've got nowhere to go? / and how can i blame you, when it's me i can't forgive?" from "the unforgiven iii" omgggg i could keep going on ;-; ever been to ozzfest? girl, I WISH. what's the most illegal thing you've done? just downloading music. wait actually, probably downloading an expensive program illegally. ever have a tornado in your town? i don't think so. what percentile of your class were you in? idk about numbers, but the very top. i got an award for it. idk what ever happened... can you name every place you've ever had sex? i've never had sex, but i've gotten sexual on my bed, his bed, the floor, the couch, the chaise... what forms of birth control have you used? abstinence is... pretty flawless. handcuffs or rope :D? errr, i'm guessing you're addressing being tied up sexually? i'm... kinda into the idea of being handcuffed to something, maybe. *shrugs* ever grown any plants before? what were they? habaneros, zinnias, sunflowers... how many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? three. i was going to slit my throat on two occasions, and on the last, i overdosed. what is your favorite cover song? "hurt" by johnny cash. "another brick in the wall" by korn is a close second. ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? nope. strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? idk, i guess just getting tubes put in my ears. if you ever got a tattoo, where would you get it? i already have three and want loads more like... everywhere. most specifically though, i think sternum tattoos are drop-dead gorgeous. could you ever go vegetarian? no. i enjoy meat too much. how do you fall asleep? [i.e, listening to music, reading, daydreaming…] just thinking... have you ever been chased by bees? omg no. what is your opinion on homosexuality? it's a mutation, but that does not make it wrong. what is your biggest fear in life? being alone in life. not being able to function properly in the "real world" is a close second. when was the last time you kissed someone? 2015 are you sick quite often or hardly at all? hardly at all. proud of that 'ole immune system. has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? apparently. do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? chocolate, definitely. does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? no, but i actually have noticed something: it began to bother me ever so slightly more after jason passed out from me getting my blood taken that one time. i think it's because of how i look up to and see him in general, seeing him react to something like that, a part of my brain wants to believe "omg that has to be dangerous then." but in general, i don't really have issue with getting my blood drawn. who would you say is your best friend at the moment? colleen. always. how long have you two been best friends? over two years. do you sometimes think you aren’t as fortunate as others? it's not something i dwell on, but i know i'm not. have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? i have, and i'm bad at it. have you ever been admitted to the hospital? only six times. what would you say is your favorite type of flower? tiger lilies, i think. how old is your pet? teddy is ten, cali isss... three, i think, bentley's not even a year, and lexi is around two, probs. do you listen to artists who consist more of guys, girls, or both? i seem to prefer male artists. what’s your first tattoo? a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. what song do you listen to when you’re sad? "perfectly flawed" by otep is common. hence my tattoo. <3 is there a person in your life that can always make you smile? not anymore. are you scared about the end of the world? not really, because i don't think i'll be around to see it. will you ever get a tattoo? i have three and want more. my next tattoo will be an adaptation of "denialism" by deviantart's tatchit. look it up, it is honestly a phenomenal work of art. when you get yelled at, do you yell back or let it go? well first, i get triggered. yelling triggers memories of my parents fighting so much. odds are, i'll yell back, but it really depends. do you share a computer with your siblings? nooo. do you have mood swings? badly. do you have any bruises on you? yes, from getting my blood drawn so much recently. the iv left a good one. have you had sex today? girl, i wish. has the last person you kissed ever made you cry? plenty of times. be honest with yourself, are you proud of your actions? some yes, some no. it just. varies. for the most part, i guess so, like i can't deny i'm a fighter, but i just feel weak sometimes. if you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? honestly, i would get a tiny heart on the side of my face if it wasn't for societal standards and the strong odds of unemployment for having a tat on my face. what is something you find romantic? flowers, picnics, walks in the park, oh man, i could go on for HOURS. you can make SO many things romantic. what makes you attracted to the person you like right now? his personality. what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? rape is #1 for me. just don't. would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship? castle, hell yeah!! has someone ever made you a build-a-bear? OMG NO I WOULD DIE THAT'D BE PRECIOUS what are your initials? bmd, or bmcd if you want my catholic name. what is your definition of “having sex”? penal-vaginal penetration. who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)? jason. do you think a relationship with a 16-year-old girl and a 35-year-old man would work out? do you think age differences like that (when they’re under 18) should be legal? they should absolutely not be legal. just... no. i don't support big age gaps like that. what do you think of open relationships? if your partner suggested it, what would you say? HA. no. and if he suggested it, i'd leave his ass. would you ever date out of your race? mhmm. have you ever had a reptile for a pet? i've had one lizard, two snakes. what kinds of alcohol do you like? only ever tried mike's hard lemonade and smirnoff, and both are fine. did you have a swing set when you were a kid? yup. state you most want to visit? utah. fucking gorgeous. were you popular in high school? definitely not. would you rather be blind or deaf? blind, definitely. i once asked jason this and he said blind, too, "because i have to be able to hear your voice." ;;;-;;; where do you want to live when you are old? in the mountains, in the woods, in the chilly weather, pls. have you ever been in love? absolutely. with reckless abandon. have you ever caught a fish? many many times. what was your most recent ex’s middle name? alex. do you put anything weird on your scrambled eggs? (like syrup) just hot sauce. what is your states minimum wage? $7.25, save us.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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cptsdofficial · 8 years ago

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1-170 : * )

Ask me! I'll answer honestly jesus fucking hell here we go

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? tbh i’m pretty ok with my height maybe like one (1) inch taller2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) i want a sphynx cat shgdhg3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i like all kinds of styles’ Aesthetic but mine is wearing the same ten t shirts over and over4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Ocarina of Time5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Jacob, dying and going to sleep6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? emotionally unstable7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? i Hate candy corn its Disgusting8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] melancholic have u seen my blog9: Are you ticklish? yea10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m allergic to Nut11: What’s your sexuality? people who give me attention12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee13: Are you a cat or dog person? i like both but! probably more dog14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? youtube is a sin16: How tall are you? 5′8?17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? i chose my name lol bye18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much lol19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? idk not really but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯20: Do you like space or the ocean more? space!21: Are you religious? no22: Pet peeves? being alive

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation? don’t have one25: Favorite star? don’t have one26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? no?27: Any phobias or fears? bugs28: Do you think global warming is real? who am i trump29: Do you believe in reincarnation? idk i don’t really Believe in it that much but i don’t believe against it30: Favorite movie? Totoro probably

31: Do you get scared easily? pretty much32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? idk a few34: What is a color that calms you? green or purple35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i wanna visit Japan36: Where were you born? Indiana37: What is your eye color? brown38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? not really but i still read them40: Hugs or kisses? neither lol

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? god42: Who is someone you love deeply? jacob43: Any piercings you want? no44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? on other people yeah, i kinda want tattoos45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? smoke what lol i’m kidding yeah46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! no47: What is a sound you really hate? me talking48: A sound you really love? cronch49: Can you do a backflip? who am i sportacus50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Samira Wiley!52: Favorite movie? whys this on here twice bye53: How are you feeling right now? like i still have 120 questions to go54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? what it is55: When did you feel happiest? with @cruelknives56: Something that calms you down? I’ve never once been calm in my life57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] lol58: What does your URL mean? it means i’m a borderline and i’m also an ass59: What three words describe you the most? Bad Awful Theworst 60: Do you believe in evolution? it doesn’t matter if u believe in it or not it’s still tru lol61: What makes you unfollow a blog? everything62: What makes you follow a blog? bad content63: Favorite kind of person: Jacob64: Favorite animal(s): idk but i have rats65: Name three of your favorite blogs. mine66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on desktop but the sparkle or the bee67: Favorite meme: all memes are bad68: What is your MBTI personality type? infp!69: What is your star sign? cancer71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? the same ones72: Post a selfie or two? http://generallyqueer.tumblr.com/tagged/my-face73: Do you have platform shoes? no 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? my head hurts75: Can you do a front flip? no76: Do you like birds? yea77: Do you like to swim? i used to but now dysphoria78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? swimming79: Something you wish didn’t exist: me lol80: Some thing you wish did exist: money in my wallet81: Piercings you have? only my ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: sleeping83: Favorite person to talk to: Jacob84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? bad85: How many followers do you have? on this blog, 19986: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? hwo is this someone healthy87: Do your socks always match? my socks haven’t matched in eight years88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? idk buut i’m not gonna try89: What are your birthstones? pearl and alexandrite!90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? frog91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? i.. don’t kno somebody tell me my aesthetic flower92: A store you hate? all of them93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? is that a challenge94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly cause my brain is enough95: Do you like to wear camo? never in my life96: Winter or summer? neither97: How long can you hold your breath for? don’t know not gonna try98: Least favorite person? me lol jake99: Someone you look up to: death himself100: A store you love? idk pac sun

101: Favorite type of shoes high tops102: Where do you live? florida103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? no104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? rose quartz probably!105: Do you drink milk? yea106: Do you like bugs? No!107: Do you like spiders? No!!!!108: Something you get paranoid about? being alive lol109: Can you draw: technically yes110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk111: A question you hate being asked? to describe myself112: Ever been bitten by a spider? idk113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yea114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? cloudy115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: mothman116: Favorite cloud type: idk117: What color do you wish the sky was? idk118: Do you have freckles? no119: Favorite thing about a person: gives me attention120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: stop answering these122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet124: Bright or dim lights? dim125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: www.tumblr.com127: Something you love about Tumblr: validation128: What do you think about the least? idk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? it was lit fam130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? myself131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire appearance 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? rarely133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? yea135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? not that often136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? kind of138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -1 but also 11139: What nicknames do you have/have had? who140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? not really141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? no142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? lol i influence people143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving144: What makes you angry waking up every day145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? tbh who knows I lean towards mostly nb people and male-aligned ppl i think?? but i’m probably also aro so?? god147: Are you androgynous? I try148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: eyelashes149: Favorite thing about your personality: my 2 personality disorders150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. no one

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosuars so i could get destroyed by that meteor152: Do you like BuzzFeed? no154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? no cause i don’t really touch people lol155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? no156: What embarrasses you? being alive157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: being alive158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i convinced my mom i was stabbed when i was seven159: How many people are you following? 205160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 1,400161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 9162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 195163: Last time you cried and why: today because my rat was mad at me164: Do you have long or short hair? short165: Longest your hair has ever been: like down to my ass it was bad166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I mean, i have opinions on religion as a whole (i’m not religious myself) but really idc, i just respect everyone’s beliefs167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? tbh? not really168: Do you like to wear makeup? no169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yea

#ask #thank u but also #Fuck #the spacing got all fucked up but whatever

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