#the spacing got all fucked up but whatever

[j0hnpr1c3sm1ssus]

Simon x Reader!

Title: Coffee dates and a 5 pound note.

Synopsis: Simon and you both have a coffee meetup.

Warnings: Same as the last piece, the entire fic series will be stalking, a little bit of dirty mentions (Simon's got a hardon and I love to talk about it <3), if it's smut I'll mention that!

AN: wait no I fucking love this???? how long do I make this though???

PREV. NEXT. ---

So you both arranged for coffee.

Simon knew your order by heart, he'd learned it a while back. But if he ordered for you it'd blow his cover.

So he waits there with a black coffee, tapping his foot.

*then you show up.*

You're dressed for the season, a sweater, a scarf that makes your eyes pop so nicely, and a black peacoat. You see him and your rosied cheeks redden and you walk to his table.

He extends a hand, "Thought to come early," is all he grumbles out.

You shake his hand and sit down, purse in your lap.

He just stares for a moment, in awe maybe, before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I'm sorry I was a little late. I had to take a cab," you explain, a nervous expression on your face. It's a small smile with a furrowed brow.

He nods, knowing that'd be the case--you don't have a car, he found that out because of John.

"it's 'lright, Dovie," he says, "When we're done I'll drive you 'ome, 'ow 'bout tha'?"

His accent practically melts in your ears, and the petname? You think you went to heaven at *that* second.

"Okay.." is all you mumble out, staring for another moment. "I'm gonna go order, do you want anything?"

He shakes his hand and hands you a five pound note, you raise an eyebrow but he says, "For your order, love."

You smile faintly and take your scarf off, setting your purse down and your coat hangs on the chair. "Thanks, Simon," you say, your voice rushing all his blood to two polarising places.

He watches you go up and order your drink, practically mouthing the words as you speak them, too. When you come back with your cup, he smiles, the sight of those pretty teeth making your head spin.

"What'dya do for work, hm dove?" He asks, knowing the answer because of course he does--he knows *everything* he humanly can about you.

You answer, handing Simon whatever change is left, and he smiles.

"Sounds lovely, hm?"

"What do you do for work?" You ask back, head gently tilted.

"I'm an ex-Lieutenant. I now work at a butcher shop locally," He explains, leaning back in his chair, legs spread.

You nod thoughtfully, head rushing, the space between your thighs suddenly feeling wetter. "So you must be strong, huh?"

He glances down, noticing how you press your thighs together and smirks to himself, nodding. "I'd reckon, yeah. Why, you like strong, birdie?"

You giggle a little at the name and take a sip of your coffee, grinning widely, "I do *enjoy* strong, if I must admit."

He nods slightly, glancing you up and down, "Looks like you enjoy i' a little more than you le' on, 'uh?"

You giggle and nod, "Maybe a *little..*"

[solarenchanting]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐍ʼ 𝐂𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐒

pairing: ieiri shoko x fem!reader

summary: shoko’s first impression of you back then? annoying. but the memory of meeting you means so much more now.

notes: it is based off this request from anon <33. teen!shoko and teen!reader (first-years). use of “-chan” (once). two mentions of underage smoking (shoko) - i do not condone underage smoking !!

a/n: i hope i managed to do the grumpy cat x sunshine trope justice - if not, i apologise. i tried. :’) . to whoever requested this, i hope you enjoy it !! as well as whoever stumbles upon this fic, may you enjoy it as well !! as always, much love, from me to you !! <33

ever since the day shoko met you, in spring 2005, when she moved into the tokyo metropolitan curse technical college’s dormitory and you had introduced yourself to her, kindly offering to help her move in since you already had settled the day prior—she found you annoying.

“hi, i’m [last name] [name]! and you are?!”

you stood there in the hallway, a wide smile plastered on your face with teeth that glinted as bright as the sun that filtered through her dorm room’s window. your eyes were filled with excitement—as if literal stars were shining in them.

annoying.

and this was just her first time meeting you? fuck, she wasn’t in the mood for what could possibly come out of this interaction—hopefully just a once-off meet and greet. maybe a few greetings here and there in the future, perhaps.

she arched an eyebrow, unimpressed, crossing her arms against her chest as she leaned against the doorframe.

“ieiri shoko,” she responded curtly, her tone flat. she hoped that that would be the end of the conversation—but, of course, that was just wishful thinking.

“it’s nice to meet you, ieiri-chan!” you struck your hand out, offering a handshake.

she straightened her posture, dropping her arms and her hand meeting yours, barely shaking it before bringing it back to her side.

“likewise,” she nodded, bored. “drop the honorific. call me shoko. we’re probably in the same year or whatever, after all.”

your eyes lit up even more—as if the stars inside transcended and floated around you this time—and your lips parted, a soft gasp escaping from them.

shoko fought the urge to roll her eyes and groan. she didn't think giving you first name privileges would elicit such a reaction; maybe she shouldn’t have.

but instead, she pursed her lips in a thin line and shot her eyebrows up for a split second before schooling her normal, laid-back expression.

“okay, will do, ieir—i mean, shoko! you can call me [name] then. no honorifics needed either!” you cheered, your voice echoing throughout the hallway.

annoying and bubbly? god, hasn’t she suffered enough from this interaction? she was definitely going to need to smoke a cigarette after this.

“[name]. got it,” she sucked her teeth, a tight-lipped smile on her face.

you nodded your head at her acknowledgement, satisfied to have met your dorm neighbour and potential fellow classmate.

just as you were about to bid her a good evening further and leave, you noticed the amount of suitcases and storage baskets over her shoulder on the floor of her room—at least from the small space that you were able to see from your vantage point.

“oh! do you need any help with that?” you offered.

“no, i’m fine. it’s nothing i can’t do.”

“come on, shoko, i insist! we could maybe get to know each other better,” you leaned forward to her with your hands clasped behind your back, teasing her with a smile. “you never know, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship!”

this time, shoko did roll her eyes. great, just great. exactly what she needed—more time spent with this random person she just met.

however, she turned her head over her shoulder, glancing around her room—her new home for the next following years—and took note of how she still hadn't made much progress. granted, she had just moved in an hour or two ago—and maybe she could use the help.

shoko let a tired—more like, defeated—sigh, her shoulders sagging. reluctantly, she turned to face you with a blank expression; she was not going to admit that she needed the help straight out.

“fine,” she stated, opening her door wider for you to pass, looking away to avoid seeing you beam with joy. “but no small talk. you’re just here to help and then you’re outta here, got it?”

“deal!” you promised, a firm nod of your head.

but, as shoko can recall, it had only taken you ten minutes for you to go back on your word when you began questioning her belongings—she didn’t share much; her replies were clipped and she just wanted you to stop talking and asking questions.

she didn’t admit it then—she didn’t want to—but as the conversation began flowing, your company was nice, to say the least.

so much so that instead of letting things end with you going back to your dorm once her’s was fully decorated, shoko invited you to go with her to the nearby convenience store.

it was just to accompany her to buy cigarettes, and buy whatever you craved—on her, she stated. it was to serve as a “thank you” for helping her out—it totally wasn’t because she actually enjoyed talking to you despite having just met you. totally not.

it did surprise her, only a little bit, that you agreed—eagerly, may she add. she thought you probably had other plans after helping her. instead, she later found herself walking back to the dormitory building from the convenience store with you talking her ear off.

and as the sun began to set, dipping into the horizon, the sky was a beautiful mix of blue and purple. the two of you were walking side by side, in-step with one another—she was smoking a cigarette, you were sucking on a strawberry-flavoured lollipop; pulling it out and using it as a pointer every time you saw a new star reveal itself in the sky to show her.

now looking back, after all these years, you were right.

that was the start of a beautiful friendship—and it bloomed, like the flowers of spring, into something more.

[you-know-cchio]

i feel like yapping and i saw some others doing this so

here are my top 15 sfth longforms:

edit: this was actually so difficult, which is a true testament to the quality of content sfth publish. also my list accidentally turned out to be so long even after some editing, so im putting the entire thing under the cut. feel free to reblog with your own list, i really like seeing which longforms other people enjoy.

15. the meringue haberdashery

people sleep on this one but i really like it. a villain ending played by none other than luke (wo)manning from essex himself??? Immaculate.

14. the angel massacre (patreon livestream)

tom argues with god. poirley goittes. the power of therapy. and none of it is sexual except that brief bit with jigglypuff, onix, and lucario.

13. wild, wet, and worrisome

the play starts with aj asking sam to shut up and ends with sam agreeing to shut up. the plot is simple and the comedy is so effective. big fan of tom's beautiful siren call and no slut-shaming policy. "be happy, find love."

12. keith the delivery guy (patreon - fringe 2024)

luke plays two characters at once while the other three mime ping pong in the background. sam and tom contemplate death. aj is a bad arse fucker with abs.

11. the mystery of the midnight circus

tom plays a slowly deteriorating genius So Well. and the Twist genuinely got me, because i honestly had no idea how they were going to tie together a conclusion. i also have to give sam his flowers for that descent into madness at the end. it was an incredible monologue that gave me the heebie-jeebies the first time i watched it. these guys are all so fucking chaotic but they're also Phenomenal actors.

10. the leftenmost window

honestly for swooping in with a believable explanation for why sam was left on stage while aj and luke talked offstage, tom deserved to do whatever he wanted in that theater. also luke tying the astral projection abilities in with the war story was such a smart decision. like i know these guys have been doing this for over a decade but im always amazed by their ability to pull together a cohesive narrative on the spot. luke's impassioned "darling i love you" monologue was also so so perfect. and i gotta give aj his flowers too. the man was so locked in that he referenced the comment luke made in the beginning about the boer war. an occurrence so surprising that sam even broke character for a brief second to acknowledge it.

9. disco tango at the rugby club (patreon livestream)

aj doesn't know what a hooker is. sam doesn't know what empathy is. luke doesn't know if he'll ever grow to be *this* tall. but all three of them do know how to make math puns. (this is what happens when tom isn't there.)

8. toby's secret pocket

this longform is just a thinly veiled excuse for the four of them to fuck with each other for 35 minutes. and i loved every second of it. luke making sam define comptroller. tom inserting himself in the office scene as a bit only to become the fan favorite character. sam excusing himself from the scene. aj going against his own character's decision to include himself in the investigation so he didn't have to sit on the side for the rest of the show. also gotta give tom his flowers for his Brilliant execution of the final confrontation between don ciciccio and jimmy.

7. strange noises from the hole in the wall

what do you get when you mix a horror/thriller plot with a tom mayo villain? a masterpiece, that's what. also, usually they're confined to a tiny black box with little space between the stage and the audience or, in the case of their specials, they're on a giant stage they can't easily leave. so i loved how the guys used every resource available to them in that venue. stairs on the sides. the tall metal chairs. the circle frog bucket sign. the handheld mics. the space in front of the stage. this longform also centered around a more abstract central concept and they managed to pull off "some amazing special effects". also i learned the british version of "if you see something, say something".

6. the unrelenting aubergine

an Iconic longform, featuring all the classic sfth hallmarks. aj voluntarily introducing a character that slaps him repeatedly. sam being more than happy to oblige. tom taking it upon himself to work in a rather poignant love story. luke tying it all together at the end with the inevitable dick joke. perfect, no notes.

5. drama at till 4 (patreon exclusive longform)

four white men in their mid-thirties portray the awkwardness, turbulence, and angst of navigating teenage girlhood in 20 minutes with surprising accuracy. also, salmon is now reduced.

4. ballet on the battlefield

alexa and janusz my absolute Beloveds who live happily ever after. the two of them escaping through the window at the end was truly an impressive feat. love how tom timed the macarena perfectly so that right as the daydream sequence ends he's facing the kaiser. love aj's extensive range of characters: serious russian, camp german, fast byierd, window foundation. and love luke. end of sentence.

3. snakehips (patreon livestream)

a chaotic spin on the classic western that ends with two men, standing shoulder to shoulder.

2. the milkman

who needs therapy when you can listen to luke manning laugh.

1. the grape depression

perhaps not a surprise given my choice of url. everything from the storyline to the pacing to the acting was absolutely perfect. tom's comedic timing as a loveable, innocent child perfectly balances out the otherwise sobering plot and rather dark climatic twist. aj also absolutely shines in this longform, i really like his serious characters. i know it's not as chaotic as most of their other content, but it is what i show people when they ask about sfth.

[luciferanalyzestar]

I think it’s moreso the fact that the fans can’t cope that their demon show finale was terrible, so now they’re taking their frustrations out on anyone instead of the people behind the writing. It’s been said before that jaw dropping animation can’t save a bad script. I FUCKING love arcane but s2 wasnt good, I was half asleep by act 3. The animators carried S2 but I they couldn’t save it, because of bad writing. writers and animators were on completely different pages when it came to plot points and relationships dynamics, that you got writers backpedaling so hard. HB S2 has been a miserable experience of bad writing, bad yaoi wattpad fanfic, and so much fucking merch. Only fun I got was watching people call out the bad writing and watching the showrunner throw so many tantrums on Twitter and IG

Good animation cannot save a bad script. I wonder if Helluva looked this this, will the decline of the writing will be more noticeable? /j

Animation is a visual tool. I think if you have a story you want to tell using animation, the visuals can look like whatever. As long as the visuals are readable and not seizure inducing.

I talked too much about how Helluva is just badly written Yaoi. I find it funny when you say this, fans will call you "homophobic" for saying so. The only people I see call it yaoi are Queer or MLM themselves. I know homophobic 'critics' of the Hellaverse exist, but they are few and far in between.

It feels like certain scenes and props exist just to be made into merch. All of this merch is a reference to a certain moment. It would be different (and cool) if these were figure dioramas but it just your standard keychains and enamel pins. Like who wants to buy a "Glut-Honey" keychain and a blanket with red blobs on it?

There is also an issue with there being so much merch made during a short, limited time. Sharkrobot does not space out the releases, it is just back-to-back. If your wallet was drained by the Ghostfuckers or Halloween merch, you will probably not be able to buy the Mastermind or Sinmas stuff.

Only fun I got was watching people call out the bad writing and watching the showrunner throw so many tantrums on Twitter and IG

I am sad that Helluva and Hazbin are both on hiatus now. Reading critical tweets and posts is one of my favorite ways to pass the time. I also like making these posts too.

Anyway, I love when a negative or meme tweet about Hazbin or Helluva blows up and reaches the fandom, fans start losing their mind and defend the shows and Viv like there is no tomorrow and throwing tantrums at their big age over a cartoon.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.

[ipushedthewrongbutton]

uuuuh yeah, i’m a little sick of romance being treated as the only type of love that matters, so yeah, get headcanoned as aro/ace

[quietwingsinthesky]

of ten’s companions, if the doctor couldn’t handle losing them and crossed his own timeline to trick them into traveling with future!him instead of past!him so that he’d have a little more time with them:

rose would do it. first because bless her but she has the situational awareness of a rock, and legitimately would not realize this isn’t her doctor until his facade starts to break down and he starts bleeding grief-laced love for her at every turn. but once she does realize it, she’s both deeply sympathetic and a little scared that she could make him into this. it’s a lot to be confronted with having that much power over someone, to break them so thoroughly. rose would try to get back to her doctor, but while she’s with the future version, she tries to do what she can to ease his pain. (she also tries to figure out a way to subvert her fate. she fails.)

i think martha would be harder to trick. she can smell desperation on the doctor like a bloodhound. she is so tapped into the fact that this man wants to off himself so bad and that she’s 90% of his self-restraint, so present her with a doctor who is lacking that and she’s onto him immediately. however, assuming he gets her to come with him, explains why he’s doing this, there’s like. a minute where she’s kind of. not flattered exactly, but surprised, giddy with the realization that he’d come back for a little more time with her, especially if this is early season 3 martha. which would all come crashing down around the time that he reveals that he wasn’t pushed to this by losing her to some tragedy or her death or anything- but that she chose to leave. that is the point at which martha goes ‘oh i need to get the fuck off of this tardis right now’ and ghosts the past!doctor that she was also traveling with because holy shit, man.

donna, like rose, is easily bamboozled into following the wrong doctor home, provided that he shuffles her along into his tardis too fast for her to argue. but she catches on far quicker than rose does. like, three minutes tops of watching the doctor move through the tardis in a way that’s definitely not enthusiastic piloting and looks more like guilty panic. and then she yells at him for lying to her. and she yells at him for kidnapping her. and then she stops yelling because he’s gone sort of still and quiet and his eyes are just broken. and he doesn’t explain himself, he confesses. donna is going to try to stay with him after this btw. because how do you go back to looking your best friend in the eyes when you know he’d take everything you’ve become away from you, even to save your life? and this is still the doctor, he still did that to her, but he regrets it. regrets it so much that he can’t live with it, he’s breaking time and space just to hear her say his name again. and donna doesn’t want to lose him anymore than he wanted to lose her.

[tangledinink]

clenches fist. finally sucked it up and ordered a new ipad...

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

the first manned shuttle ever to launch into space- the vostok in 1961- had a space for the crew around 6 feet (2.3 m) in diameter. the first manned shuttle to carry three people at once- the voskhod in 1964- was practically the exact same size, and required the crew to forego spacesuits in order for all three of them to fit.

the death engine is... well. a hell of a lot bigger than either of them. we never get a picture of it in its entirety, but from what we see both in photographs as well as the visible space in person, the docking bay alone probably has more space than both of those ships combined. which makes sense, as it is a satellite and not exclusively a flight vessel.

... but the death engine still had a crew of three to man it for however long it was intended to be in immediate use. three people, solaris only being one of them.

as if that wasn't bad enough on its own, the other two assistants who tagged along weren't professionals, but intern astronauts- making it rather obvious why none of them survived as long as solaris herself did. before she discovers who the agent is, she assumes them to be equally as inexperienced right out of the gate (“Okay, lesson one of space internships: You need oxygen to live”).

from these two factors alone, we can assume that solaris would have been pulling over twice her weight around the satellite regardless of whether or not her assistants were alive, and only took on more responsibility after they were killed while on duty. that's already a huge mental strain and time investment in its own right. but that's not even all of it.

astronauts need to exercise for at least two hours if they don't want to suffer muscle or bone atrophy. as a result, they need to eat more calories than they normally would on earth. sodium intake also needs to be reduced (as the human body sheds less of it in space), and vitamin d intake needs to be increased (as it can not be generated from the sun). that means, perhaps rather obviously, that their diet is very important.

unfortunately for solaris, she is stuck eating the grotesque space slop.

not only does the food ration not include the recommended amount of essential vitamins, and include a self admittedly high amount of salt, but it is unclear what it even is supposed to be.

i can only hope that vitamin d happens to be a part of the 'some essential vitamins' included, since- considering there is zero orange juice located in the orange drink- there is probably none of it to be found in there.

this isn't even mentioning the importance of sleep on a spacecraft, partnered with how difficult it is to acquire in altered gravity. and partnering that up with solaris' poor diet, and the mountain of tasks she probably has to go through just to keep everything operational?

i clown on her a lot for 'doing nothing' while the agent was meddling with her things, but this entire time she's been overworked, underfed, and presumably doing all of that on a heavily fragmented sleep schedule.

no wonder she hasn't gotten around to clearing the radiation from the docking bay. no wonder she stayed in her chair the entire time. i would have gotten the call from zor and gone straight back to fucking bed!!!

[rosicheeks]

-

[miscellaneous--bones]

stupid hypokit of space cat and bill cipher lmfao. very unsold on his name, and completley unsure of his colors for now

[blitz0hno]

Me pondering: kids are capable of going through and understanding complex problems and their feelings should be taken seriously when it counts.

Me practically: who are all these annoying fucking kids in the milgram fandom and why are they posting the worst takes and most irrelevant bullshit I've ever seen ever???

I think these are valid to coexist.

[hiveswap]

OUGH. theyre gonna really end a superhero comic with a tolstoy quote thematically accurate enough to kill on impact.

[seilon]

every newer gen kpoppy who calls it revolutionary every time a big name bg member wears something vaguely skirt-like should be required to watch lee sungjong of infinite putting his whole pussy into performing coming of age ceremony by park jiyoon wearing the song's classic form-fitting black side-slitted dress with zero gimmicks way back in 2012

[phagodyke]

kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room

[altruistic-meme]

OUGHHH I FOROGR