#What if they colour change depending on the circumstances

[the-aerispace]

I love this so bad actually

🦋 💜

I have a little headcanon that when Virgil is excited some butterflies just magically ✨ appear✨ in his room because of the “butterflies in your stomach” thingy

I have no idea why I made this

[moist-for-xavier]

NSFW Alphabet for Charles Xavier

a/n: I did Charles before he got in the wheelchair as well as after (sort of as how things changed) but then I included Charles from Days of future past as well just as another comparison

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

❥ before wheelchair

He was the king of aftercare. Brings you glass of water, wipes you down even picks you up to use the toilet. Usually, after getting enough strength you two take a shower and then cuddle while he drones on about some topic

❥ in a wheelchair

He has now become the pillow princess he always took care of before. Unable to get up, it’s up to you to clean him up, give him a drink and take care of yourself. But you don’t mind. Not when he looks at you like you hung the stars on the sky

❥ days of future past

The aftercare went downhill from that point. Sure, he wipes you down and gives you some water, but the cuddling depends on the situation. Most of the time, he will leave. Cuddling is too much emotional vulnerability. He’ll up and leave, expecting you to leave soon as well.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His were always his hands. Just because he notices just how much your eyes linger on his long, veiny hands when he reaches for his temple or twirling a pen when unsure what to write

On you, it was hips. He loves watching you walk ahead of him. He loves when he sits in a wheelchair or just a normal chair and you stand between his spread legs. Just how beautiful they fit into his hands, especially if you have hip dips

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Before he got in the wheelchair, he liked seeing it on your face or in your mouth. But one time when he finished in a condom inside you he pulled out and noticed the condom was broken and his cum leisurely leaked out of your abused hole. Since then he could only accept his cum in you or on your cunt

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He keeps your used panties around in his pocket somewhere. As a sort of souvenir or a reminder that you love him even if he’s in a wheelchair

Another dirty secret is that he used to listen to you touch yourself. He’d enter your mind and witness the same fantasies you did so he could jerk off as well. He never told you, never will. But you know, you could feel him probing your mind

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He wasn’t all that experienced when he first got with you before the Cuba accident. Sure, he had couple girls, maybe a guy or two, but he wasn’t a fuck boy. So you guys were pretty even

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

❥ before wheelchair

Missionary or mating press. He likes to see your face as he fucks you. Just to see your eyes roll back as he projects more filthy images right into your mind

❥ in a wheelchair

Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. There isn’t much of a choice if we’re honest with each other. Or face sitting. He’ll die a happy man between your legs

❥ days of future past

Usually doggy or against the wall if he’s too impatient to get you into a bed or a couch. Anything facing away from him so you don’t have to look at the mess of a man he is

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

❥ before and in a wheelchair

He’s very lighthearted. It’s all about being comfortable with each other. If it means joking, then so be it. He loves seeing genuine joy on your face and under no circumstance will it ever be a boner killer for him

❥ days of future past

Very serious, very frustrated. His mood is hanging on a thread and just a small giggle for you could kill his mood

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

❥ before and in a wheelchair

Not stripped clean. Just nicely trimmed with the cutest thin happy trail up to his navel. The colour matches, just a bit darker. And you always help him trim up, it’s a binding activity at this point

❥ days of future past

It’s a jungle down there. He can’t be bothered to wash his hair more than once a week. You really think he’ll care for the carpet?

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

❥ before and in wheelchair

Very romantic. The first time you had sex he had flowers, nice dinner, calming scent and candles. He can be beautifully romantic but also nasty. Depends on what you want

❥ days of future past

No romance. He doesn’t want to waste that much energy on someone who will inevitably leave. It’s very transactional even if you’re dating. Just something to take out both of your frustrations and move on. Doesn’t want to get attached because he’s sure you’ll leave him like everyone else

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Very much. Often. Loves to listen to you when you do it. Mutual masturbation is a common occurrence. The problem lays in the fact that after getting in the wheelchair, he’s unable to make himself cum. So it’s just a whole lot of edging until you finish him off. But during days of future past, not so much. He was way too disgusted with himself to touch himself like that. He didn’t deserve it. But then fucking you into the mattress is okay

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Professor kink, praise, face sitting, breeding, pegging, voyeurism, exhibitionism

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His study or the bedroom. Especially now that he’s in a wheelchair, he plays it safe

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you call him Professor in a sultry way, ask him to guess what panties you have on or just showing him and then later giving them to him while walking away letting him know you’re bare under the pants or skirt. Telling him what you think about or just asking him to read your mind

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Complete mind control. He doesn’t want a doll to fuck, he wants you, fully conscious, able to do things on your own

Pain. He would never hurt you. Sure, a light smack on the butt when you walk past or are riding him. But anything that will bruise is a no

Pee. No.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Will always prefer giving. He always loved the taste of your arousal, how it would drip down his chin in a stringy, sticky mess. He wants you to sit on his face every chance possible, but not just hover over, but sit properly like a chair. If he were to suffocate and die, he’d die the happiest man on earth

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

❥ before wheelchair

Slow and sensual all the way. If you ask very nicely he will go faster or harder, it’s all up to you

❥ in a wheelchair

Pretty slow as well. It’s all up to you again, but this time literally. Sure, he can rub your clit, but hips down, it’s on you. So usually it’s just nasty, slick, sticky grinding your clit into his pubes, squeezing him inside and fondling his balls

❥ days of future past

Fast and hard. Your face usually pushed into the sheets, body just a tool for him to abuse and let out all his frustrations

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

❥ before wheelchair

Yes. Absolutely. Whenever chance possible. He’s a young man with a raging libido, he’ll take every chance he could get to rearrange your insides

❥ in a wheelchair

No. Having sex in this stage is a process. Just getting it up takes a while and getting off takes even longer

❥ days of future past

Most of these encounters are quick. Just a quick transaction so he can let you go as soon as possible. In his head, you don’t want to see him after, so he makes it quick and then vanishes somewhere again to sulk and drink some more, leaving you to tend to yourself

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

❥ before wheelchair

Yes. He’ll take whatever chance you’re offering. You want to have sex in the class before he has to teach? Okay, but make it quick

❥ in a wheelchair

No. Everything has been significantly slowed down with his disability. And it would be quite difficult to execute the same rendezvouses he used to have with you, but he misses them every day

❥ days of future past

Depends. Usually not. He’d wait until Hank would leave or shut himself into his room to have his way with you. It happened once that Hank walked in on you two and since then Charles took great care to never allow that to happen again

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

❥ before wheelchair

Whole lot of stamina. Able to go for about 4 rounds, even if the last two are a bit sloppy or rushed. He can hold his orgasm for a long time the first two-three rounds, mostly focused on paying attention to your pleasure instead

❥ in a wheelchair

He can go for about 5 rounds. All of them long since he can keep himself from orgasming for a while. Unfortunately, not by choice. But since you’re the one on top and your energy isn’t endless, your thighs usually giving out before the 3rd round. You usually lay together, his hand playing with your clit and you jerking him off just until/if you get more energy to continue riding him

❥ days of future past

His stamina has been greatly deteriorated from his younger days by his alcohol abuse. He can keep up for good 2 rounds, but they don’t last long since he can’t hold his orgasm for too long

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

❥ before wheelchair

Yes. The most common one is slipping a little vibrator in and having you walk around with it buzzing softly only your clit and in you to make you nice and wet for later. Sometimes he lets you use a strap on him and peg him instead. It requires a lot of trust from him, so expect it to be brought up at least a good year into the relationship

❥ in a wheelchair

The vibrator is still someone that stuck to him. He still uses it sometimes, just not as often as before

❥ days of future past

Not really. Not much to say there, he’s too afraid to do anything in case he scares you away

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

❥ before and in wheelchair

Yes. Loves it. Loves to play with the vibrator settings. He loves projecting the nastiest sex images of you and him right into your brain. Loves to watch you squirm and face grow hot

❥ days of future past

Not really. He wants it to be over to let you go. Again, too scared he’ll drive you away by being himself

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

❥ before and in a wheelchair

Whimpers. Panting and whimpering like a dog. He’s pretty loud, it’s not usual for you to cover his mouth or kiss him to silence him

❥ days of future past

Groans and pants. He doesn’t make much noise, choosing to keep it inside. Too much vulnerability again, too worried his noises will weird you out and you’ll leave as well

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He is a closet pervert. He will use his telepathy to project his nasty thoughts into your mind. He loves to do it while in the presence of other people, maybe some unfortunate soul that has a crush on you. He’s also willing to have sex in front of other people only to later erase their memory of it. Also likes to look up your skirts

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Average, but very beautiful. Good length with a perfect thickness. Beautiful pale with a cute pink tip and a nice thick vein on the bottom that makes him whimper like a dog

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

❥ before wheelchair

High. Extremely high. Maybe not for sex entirely, but extremely dirty minded, all the time. And loves to show you what he’s thinking about. And it usually leads to sex

❥ in a wheelchair

It lowered down with the amount of work he has as well as the fact he can’t get it up as easy. But with enough help from you, he will deliver

❥ days of future past

Low. Really low if you’re casual. Just once a month just to get his mind off of everything is enough. But his high libido from his youth is still present. The problem comes from being too worried that he’d scare you away with it

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

❥ before and in wheelchair

He doesn’t fall asleep until you’re safely tucked into his side and asleep. It’s normal for him to stay awake reading aloud to you to help you relax before he allows himself to relax as well

❥ days of future past

He doesn’t fall asleep. You can take a nap in his bed but he won’t stay with you. He might take a nap on his own in his study

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

a/n: Let me know if you find any mistakes and thank you for reading <3

[lilianasgrimoire]

Witchcraft 101: An Introductory Post

What is Witchcraft?

Witchcraft is the practice of magick. It's a series of techniques one uses to harness and/or manipulate energies externally or internally to change one's surroundings of circumstances as well as themselves. This can be done through using herbs, stones, crystals, and other materials.

Witchcraft can, and is, performed in a plethora of ways. It can be done through meditation, spell work, rituals or even baking and cooking. Witchcraft is as unique as you are. To practice witchcraft you do not need a religion, however most people practice witchcraft to feel more connected to their chosen religion. Witchcraft is as unique as the individual demonstrating it.

What makes someone a witch?

A witch is a person who practices magick. Witches can come from any background, any age, race or gender and religion. The term 'witch' is a gender-neutral, universal name. A being who claims the title may do what they desire with the craft. There are many types of witches, all of which are nature based. Not all witches are interested in the same type practise, however. One may prefer the study and use of crystals, and another being drawn to divination or even one of the elements.

A witch is neither good or bad, as they are only human.

There aren't any rules to being a witch (unless your religion states otherwise). Whilst you don't have to be religious to be a witch, most witches who practise, are most commonly Wiccan.

What is Paganism?

Pagan is an umbrella term for the many non-Abrahamic religions. This included Hinduism, Wicca, Buddhism, Sikhism, etc. However, not a lot of people fall into a specific type of religion that comes under paganism but still believe in & worship more than one God/Goddess or Greater being such as the elements, for example. Many, if not most, witches, fall under the Wiccan religion.

Paganism, across all sub-genres, follow holidays/festivals, and in many religions, many they follow The Eight Sabbats, or Wheel of the Year. The Sabbats, depending on the religion, have slight variations in terms of rituals, timing and practicing of the holidays i.e. which God/Goddess is associated, traditional colours or foods. It also is up to the individual as to what they do and don't want to celebrate.

"All Wiccans are witches, but not all witches are wiccan. All Wiccans are Pagan, but not all Pagans are Witches."

Religion VS. Spirituality

Religion and spirituality are often meshed together and difficult to differentiate the two. Some people believe there is a blurred line between them, whereas another may believe they are two completely different topics.

So, how can we tell the two apart?

Religion is an institutionalised system of certain attitudes, practises and beliefs; often the service or worship of a greater being than ones self or the supernatural. A religion is often based upon life lessons and teachings of a historical or archetypal figure. Typically, there is a place of worship, such as churches, temples, mosques and cathedrals. Religion is a structured organised system that is heavily rule based with it's main focus on the faith of the religion (scriptures of being infallible and ultimate or truth. Acceptance and the surrender to the Divine are taught as the path to complete and ultimate salvation. Religion is one path for all to follow.

Spirituality is a connection that one has to something that is much larger than yourself. Spirituality is an aspect of humanity where an individual seeks and expresses meaning and purpose through the connection they experience to a moment. People who are spiritually awakened liv4e life in a reverent and sacred manner. Yoga, meditation and contemplation all help a person to start, progress and explore their journey. Many use these practices to reach out to their spirit guides, past lives and even advice from outside forces. Each journey is unique. Spirituality is often referred to as a "pathless path". Spirituality is about following your own path and learning, growing, loving and acceptance on a more personal level. Unlike religion, spiritualists do not follow a set of rules n regards to their inward journey but, faith is not dismissed and entirely acceptable to incorporate with spirituality.

[raisans-art]

!!RAISANS COMMISSIONS!!

All prices are in USD

Please read below for text transcriptions of the sheet and further elaboration!

I sincerely hope you consider me to draw some art of your little guys!

Sketch:

Bust — $20

1/2 Body — $25

Full Body — $30

Coloured:

Bust — $40

1/2 Body — $45

Full Body — $50

Rendered:

Bust — $50

1/2 Body — $55

Full Body — $60

Backgrounds:

Plain (transparent; 1 or 2 colours with a simple pattern) — $0

Mild (multiple colours in a relatively basic hand-made scene or pattern) — $10

Spicy (minimally shaded scene or setting) — $20

Extra (I painted this for you with my BARE HANDS) — $40

Extras:

Animals/Pokemon:

Sketch — $10

Coloured — $15

Rendered — $25

Additional Characters/Animals: 50% of the base cost per character

Extra Effort:

Prices may increase if the commission requires more time and effort than normal.

Any additional charges will be explicitly stated and elaborated

Extra Effort includes but is not limited to: hand lettering/text, complex composition/scenes, extra polish, full painted style, etc.

Will/Won’t Do’s

Will Do (will draw this and am proficient at doing so) (will do list is not limited to these points)

OCs

Pokemon

Furries

Gore/Blood

Aus/Fanart

Horror

NSFW (under scrutiny. Please dm for elaboration)

Won’t Do (not touching these fuckers)

Mecha

Hateful or defamatory content

I have the right to refuse any commission for any reason.

Payment methods:

I accept Ko-fi, Venmo, and PayPal.

Note: PayPal transactions will have a 3% fee added to the charge to compensate for lost money during transactions.

I will clearly outline the total cost of the commission to you and ask for agreement on the cost. That cost will be split into 2 seperate charges, half of the money up front and half upon the commission’s completion.

What to expect from commissioning me:

Commissions will be worked on as I get them, so there may be a queue time for you to wait before work begins on your commission.

Once work has started, it may take upwards of a month to get completed depending on personal life circumstances and commission difficulty.

You will receive an update on the commission at every milestone of the drawing process (rough sketch, clean sketch, lineart, etc) and will be asked if there are any changes you wish to make at each stage. Big compositional changes can only be made at the sketch stages, beyond which only small tweaks can be requested (colour or effects changes, minor pose or character design changes).

[imtrashraccoon]

My Soul Headcanons

There are two types of souls: Human and Monster. A Human soul is a thousand times more powerful than a Monster soul due to their naturally occuring determination. Monsters tend to be more in touch with magic as their forms are almost entirely composed of it but most Humans are able to learn how to use magic as well.

Monster souls are much different and almost never manifest a distinct trait like Humans do. It is said that Monster souls are made of love, hope, and magic. Generally, they are white and look like an upside down heart but their appearance can change if the Monster has accumulated LV.

While it is most apparent in Monsters, a soul that has accumulated too much LV becomes unstable and tends to "leak" excess magic. There doesn't seem to be a specific pattern for what a soul with high LV looks like since every soul is different. The colour and shape could change, it may appear "corrupted" from the inside, it may have a visible aura, etc. Because the soul is the culmination of one's being, an unstable soul often means an unstable individual, which leads to its own problems and makes it difficult to study.

A Human soul looks like a heart and can come in many different colours depending on their trait(s). There are seven documented Human soul traits and multiple variations of them as well. Generally, a Human will have a Primary, or dominant, trait and at least one Secondary trait. However this isn't the rule and occasionally there are Humans with only one Primary trait. They tend to be extremely powerful and many great leaders are believed to only have one trait. It's possible to have more than one Secondary trait but this is also rare.

The Primary & Secondary traits:

Determination: The drive to stick with a task or goal until a desired outcome is reached. This is an incredibly rare Primary trait to the extent that many believe there is only ever one soul with this trait at a time. Souls with this trait are bright red.

Ambition: The desire to achieve success. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a purplish red.

Devotion: The compulsion to show deep commitment to something or someone. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually is a pinkish red.

Bravery: The strength to remain bold in the face of resistance. This is a common Primary trait and most people can testify to knowing others who possess it. Souls with this trait are bright orange.

Fortitude: The mental or emotional strength to face adversity. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a bronze colour.

Assurance: The ability to inspire confidence in others. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a soft orange.

Justice: The desire to treat everyone fairly and right wrongs. This is an uncommon Primary trait with many possessing it taking on important roles in society. Souls with this trait are a bright yellow.

Equity: The capacity to treat everyone fairly regardless of circumstances. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a creamy yellow colour.

Sincerity: The ability to be genuine in one's actions and words. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a greenish yellow colour.

Kindness: The compulsion to help others whether they deserve it or not. This is a common Primary trait and most of the time there will be at least one in the room possessing it. Souls with this trait are bright green.

Empathy: The capacity to understand another person's feelings or emotions. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a teal colour.

Generosity: The willingness to give or share with others. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a light green colour.

Patience: The ability to stay calm and think things through before making a decision. This is a common Primary trait although those possessing it may not stand out from the crowd so easily. Souls with this trait are cyan.

Endurance: The capacity to withstand hardship. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a purplish blue.

Diligence: The wherewithal to carefully complete a task no matter how long it takes. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a soft blue.

Integrity: The willingness to stand for what one believes is morally right. This is an uncommon Primary trait but those who possess it tend to be well respected for their stances. Souls with this trait are dark blue.

Honesty: The desire to be honest whenever possible in life. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a navy blue.

Loyalty: The ability to be faithful to commitments or a cause. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a grayish blue.

Perseverance: The stubbornness to stand strong in the face of adversity. This is a common Primary trait and is sometimes mistaken for Determination in those who possess it. Souls with this trait are bright purple.

Tenacity: The ability to relentlessly achieve one's goals. This is an uncommon Secondary trait and is usually a magenta colour.

Obstinance: The stubborn refusal to change an opinion or behavior. This is a common Secondary trait and is usually a soft purple.

There are also dark traits, although they are rare, and to be born with one is unheard of. They tend to be Primary traits but could be Secondary as well. Humans with dark traits have usually gone through hardships and changed as a result. These traits aren't necessarily evil but those possessing them may struggle to do the same good deeds as they could before. (This was inspired by listening to Vetrom on YouTube and I highly recommend their music, especially their Soul themes.)

Despair: The loss of hope or to be without hope. Souls with this trait are usually dull purple.

Fear: The lack of bravery or a response to danger. Souls with this trait are usually dark orange.

Vengeance: The act of repaying injustice with revenge. Souls with this trait are dark red.

Hate: The inability to show love or show kindness to another. Souls with this trait are usually black.

Apathy: The lack of emotion or motivation to accomplish something. Souls with this trait are usually gray.

Most of the time, Humans get their soul colour from their Primary trait but the Secondary trait can also contribute. Sometimes this looks like both colours combined, sometimes the colours don't mix together, sometimes only a small part of the soul has one colour, and sometimes only one colour is ever visible.

Soul traits can be passed from parent to child similar to how genes are passed along. Primary traits are more likely to get passed to the child over Secondary traits. Souls can also affect the child's appearance. For example, a person with only one Primary trait will likely have a matching eye and soul colour. This isn't limited to eye colour but is the most prevalent as the eyes are windows to the soul.

While rare in most universes, Humans and Monsters do have children together, which can lead to interesting results. Such unions rely heavily on magic and the child is almost always carried in one of the parent's souls until they are strong enough to separate on their own. (See my Monster Courting/Heats headcanon for more info.)

The hybrid child can take after either or both parents and their appearance can vary wildly depending on which is the case. The same is true for their soul. Most of the time, they will have either a Human or Monster soul but in rare cases, they could have one that is a combination of the two. In this instance, the soul could be shaped like a Human or a Monster soul and either have traits or none at all.

[ultrxlight]

why i am starting to hate watching self improvement youtubers

self improvement has been the trend lately everyone hopping with advice on how to change your life n all

the problem is no matter how much advice they give

their experience and environment will never be like yours

they are giving advice based on what THEY went through

and you guys dont have the same purpose

sometimes the advice they give is the last thing that you need to hear

its not about storing and grabbing as much advice as possible that will make you successful

but rather adapting to your environment and circumstances so well

and to master it and become well adapted you gotta be mindful and focus on your life

even animals adapt to their environments and thats why even bears come in many colours depending on which habitat they live and how they can survive better

white bears are white to camouflage

if we replaced white bears with pandas they wont last for over 2 weeks

imagine pandas sitting and watching white bears talking and taking advice

i know thats the most random example ever

but i had to bring a real example from the real world

most of the time its about being focused on your own path and thriving at it instead of looking at others

personally i wouldnt take advice from a random person on the internet who probably finished their whole academic career years ago

and is going through different circumstances than i am

yknow what is true power is now a days ? something that will get you ahead of 99% of the world

ITS FOCUS

no one is focused anymore

everyone is overstimulated

wasting their life away

just being focused on your own self will get you ahead in life

[ms-all-sunday]

pjs posting every single character what they wear to bed lets go

luffy - the exact same thing he wears everyday no changes. everybody wants to kill him for this and they eventually get him out of the sleep jeans post TS but it takes an unreasonable amount of time

zoro - very little or nothing at all. naked completely. (sensory issues) nami buys him a robe so they dont have to see him naked in the middle of the night and its a compromise.

nami - she has a LOT of pjs for every occasion and when she wears her own it radically depends on what the circumstances are. keyword there is when she wears her own. chronic stealer of clothes (in general) but also especially to sleep in because people arent usually wearing their own clothes anyway. the only clothes she hasnt stolen temporarily to sleep in is luffys sleep jeans and sanjis suits and frankys sleep-speedo. everything else is fair game. she will also do this directly from the laundry pile and will never admit that to anybody. (she thinks its gross and like depending on the item of clothing yeah it is. its never TOO gross though she has standards)

usopp - normal about it. he has his own pjs and when its hot he sleeps in only his underwear and uh because of sleeping arrangements yeah its hot a lot of the time.

sanji - objectively not normal about it. sleeps in his SUITS. hes convinced out of them easier than luffy is the sleep jeans but he needs fabric covering every part of his body at all times because he has sensory issues. (nami buys him pjs but they go shopping together he slowly gets more and more extra with his pj preferences over time but they always have to cover every inch of them unless in very specific circumstances.) hes also similar to nami in the sense that he'll wear other peoples shit to bed but he's less indiscriminate and more secretive about it.

chopper - he has a small pair of pjs for when he gets cold which isn't often and it's only pants as opposed to his shorts (which are made out of pj fabric anyways)

robin - VICTORIAN NIGHTGOWN. not all of them are white, some of them are other colours. black. purple. one of them is blue and its quite pretty. post TS she gets nightgown colours matching all her family/expands out of the historical nightgowns but still wears nightgowns. (she morbidly loves the red one she bought matching luffy because it makes her look like even more of a murdered ghost than before) it's also because of sensory issues similar to zoros and the opposite of sanjis but she just opts for loose fitting clothing instead of no clothing at all. the thriller bark outfit was actually pjs. robin loved being in wano similar to zoro because the clothes there fit her sensory issues better than most regions.

franky - the same swimsuit and it didnt last long. complaints were lodged (robin doesnt mind swimsuit material normally under the light of the sun and god but uh in the case of sleeping absolutely not. chopper complained too because he likes to curl up on frankys lap and he doesnt like the swimsuit material either) he took them in and adjusted. he now has normal fabric underwear that looks like a speedo. (hand crafted by himself)

he also made modifications to his front so he'd be a better texture/softness for cuddling at literally everybodys request. he was so very happy about this honestly even though he realized the challenge of remaining indestructible but still cuddle-able he was up for it if it meant his family wanted to hug him more. (he made these changes before ts but really considered them post ts and made even better modifications then. EVERYBODY approved.)

brook - he likes historical pjs like robin does but goes for masc and fem versions hes like similar amount of normal to usopp. BUT he does have to pad his pjs with some kind of fluffy material so they're a little thicker than they would be for a normal person (nobody likes sleeping with an overly boney skeleton. and he sows them in himself) and he doesnt have to worry about getting hot because he has no body heat. (this is also why he manages to layer so many clothing items on eachother despite it being generally pretty hot) he is a robe person but not by force like Zoro is and robin will take it (sometimes they share pjs and it's an agreed upon thing unlike their younger crewmates whom of which two of them are just immature thieves.)

[llyfrenfys]

how is welsh not an ethnicity? /gen bc at this point i genuinely don't think i know what an ethnicity is! on forms it tends to be skin colour, but when i google it there's always an emphasis on culture.

This one is a bit of a sticky topic since it is a situation where the same words can mean slightly different things to different people and conflation between similar words is common.

I'm going to use a crochet metaphor for this since it is a non-problematic version of the same problem. So, in crochet, there are various different kinds of stitches, the most common being single and double crochet. However, in the US and the UK, there are terminology differences which can get confusing since they refer to similar (yet distinct) stitches. What is called 'Single Crochet' in the US is called 'Double Crochet' in the UK. And what the US calls 'Double Crochet' is called 'Treble Crochet' in the UK. This kind of thing happens all the time in various situations - be it a hobby, a topic or a concept, linguistic differences can arise in two or more groups which leads to all groups involved using the same terminology, but it meaning wildly different things to different people.

This is the situation when it comes to defining race and ethnicity. Like crochet, in the English-speaking world, the US uses the terms race and ethnicity differently to how the UK does it. Ditto for other Anglophone nations like Australia, New Zealand etc. But for simplicity I will just focus on the US and UK for now. [Note: there will be many caveats and nuanced things which will require a pinch of salt in my answer here, so do keep in mind I'm simplifying a lot here to avoid this post from getting too long]. This is also where I introduce a third term to the mix: Nationality. Nationality is our 'Treble Crochet' in this metaphor.

Ethnicity:

As you point out, on forms ethnicity sometimes is used to refer to skin colour, but in other circumstances there's more of an emphasis on culture. This is where the different people using the same terms for different things starts to cause problems. Using the forms example as a jumping off point, when you fill in a form and get to the section titled ethnicity, the options can often be quite confusing since some of them appear to refer to race, while others do not. In 2021 England and Wales had a census and the government made a list of ethnicities here from the results:

"The main changes to the 2021 Census of England and Wales, compared with the previous Census, were: -the ‘Roma’ group was added under the ‘White’ ethnic group -a write-in response was added for the ‘Black African’ ethnic group"

This, as you can probably see, already has Some Issues. For example, Roma are a distinct ethnic group, but have here been put under the category of white (which is a more racial classification), when many Roma would not identify this way. Some would identify this way- but the problem lies within the creation of rigid boxes with no room for overlap. Ethnicity as a concept overlaps with nationality a fair bit, since there is no agreed upon definition for either term. Things get complicated when some people approach ethnicity with solely race in mind, while others approach ethnicity with solely nationality in mind. Ethnicity can be informed by race and nationality- however - that can get sticky fast depending on context. Just focusing on Wales, however, I would argue Welshness is only informed by nationality and culture, not race. To argue there is a racial component to being Welsh would mean arguing that Welsh people have significant racial identifiers which distinguish them from the neighbouring Scottish and English- as well as the rest of Europe in general. And this, inevitably is how fascism happens. It also raises red flags to go down this road simply because by default, these arguments disqualify nonwhite people from being Welsh at all and we all know what happens when certain white traits are idolised over others...

On the other hand, considering ethnicity from a purely nationality and culture-based approach is much more suitable for Wales as it encapsulates what comes to mind when one thinks of Wales and Welshness. Welsh national dishes and traditional dress are not tied to race in any way. Race simply has not been significant to the formation of Welshness amongst its neighbours (England- more distantly Scotland and Ireland). Whereas race *is* significant to the conception of ethnicity of other nations in the world, such as Aboriginal Australians, whose modern conception of ethnicity is tied to their race in contrast with the arrival of white Australians. In other words, Aboriginal Australians are a racialised people while Welsh people are not. Ergo, it is a highly individual thing as to whether certain nations find race important to their ethnic identity or not.

Official forms may list "White, Welsh" as an option for ethnicity, however, this does not imply that white Welsh people are a separate race to "White, English", "White, Scottish" or "White, Northern Irish" or vice versa, it is more of an appeasement by the government in the census to allow people from Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland to be able to identify as Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish where they ordinarily would have to begrudgingly select "British". That being said, the government should add "Black, Welsh" etc. options as well, but their absence here is governmental laziness than anything else (they have a box on the census to 'write-in' any ethnicity option not available on the list) so that avoids them from having to formally add in these as options. The bottom line is- it is not possible to be 'racially ethnically Welsh' but it is possible to be 'culturally ethnically Welsh'. Despite this, the latter designation is shied away from simply because 'ethnically Welsh/English/Scottish/Northern Irish' in any context is a dogwhistle used by white supremacists. Most people tend to identify as Welsh/English/Scottish/Northern Irish without any racial component to that identity for this reason.

Nationality:

Nationality is a little easier to define (but cannot be pinned down 100% for a few reasons) but the simplest definition of nationality relates to the country you were born in or are a citizen of. Nationality is not fixed and can change. However, the problems with defining nationality this way is that there are many nations which are not recognised as such internationally. Take Wales for an example- Wales is a country or a nation but it is part of the United Kingdom, which is a State. Here too is where a US/UK divide springs up, since in the US state can refer to the individual States which make up the US. While elsewhere State generally refers to a country or nation with international recognition on the world stage. The US is a State, so is the UK in this metric.

[Important to note that the US is not the only country to have states within it- the system of states within a country is called Federalism and many countries have this system. E.g. Australia has many states, but none of those states are separate countries. Neither are US states (i.e. Oregon is not a separate entity to the US on an international level- it does not send diplomats to the rest of the US or other countries, for example. Ergo it is a constituent part of the US, not separate to it. Ditto the other 48 states on Mainland America. Hawaii is *different*). Part of the confusion stems from the tendency for Americans to view their states as if they were separate countries within a regional organisation, however, this is a misunderstanding of Federalism. Many Americans point to the EU and assume the EU is a country with lots of little European 'states' (small 's') within it. This is false- the EU is essentially just a club the European countries are part of. It's like saying NATO is a country- if you understand how that wouldn't make sense, that's also how calling the EU a country doesn't make sense. Members of the EU like Germany also have Federalism- e.g. Germany has 16 states.]

Back to the point- Wales is a nation which exists within the UK alongside England, Scotland and Northern Ireland. It is possible to get a passport as a citizen of the United Kingdom, but impossible to get a Welsh, English, Scottish or Northern Irish passport. The same way you can get a US passport but not a Maine passport etc. The stickiness lies within the fact that Wales is indisputably a nation, but legally it is not possible to be a citizen of Wales. All people who live or are born in Wales are citizens of the United Kingdom by default. Therefore, defining nationality strictly on where you're born or where you move to live is exclusionary of many nations that aren't Nations (capital 'N'). See also: the Native American Nations that exist within the US who also don't have international recognition as separate nations which can issue (legally recognised) passports. The goal of Welsh nationalism is to establish Wales as an independent country to the United Kingdom, similar to the Scottish independence movement for Scotland. Hence why someone's Nationality can be Welsh without Wales legally being a separate country.

Race:

I have touched on why race isn't relevant to Welshness already a little bit, but I will add a little more here too.

There is a tendency from many people in the US (specifying US as there seems to be a real culture for it there) to identify with a country they have an ancestor from. There isn't anything wrong with celebrating your own heritage. However, this is where the US and rest of the world tend to define things differently. It is not uncommon to find any European lamenting (some) Americans who identify as the country that European is from based purely on having one ancestor from that country hundreds of years ago. This is down to the US conception of race and the racial climate specific to the US (and only the US). E.g, you may get many people in the US who are proud Irish-Americans and go around claiming Irishness because of having 'Irish blood'* from their great-great-great-great grandmother on their father's side (*another dogwhistle which many who do this are not aware of). This, and it cannot be stressed enough, does NOT go down well in Europe. 'X country's blood' harks back to the conception of ethnicity which includes racial aspects- which as I've explained, is a white supremacist dogwhistle. It also very clearly has parallels with 'blood quantum'.

The other complication is that 'Irish-American' to a European would generally be understood to mean someone with dual nationality in Ireland and the US. This terminology is overwhelmingly US based and as such, US concepts of race butt heads with how it is defined in other parts of the world. E.g. in the US it has been common to refer to black Americans as African-American (regardless of how inaccurate that can be) to the point where the term black and African-American are synonymous. This leads to the black British actor Idris Elba being called African-American, when that makes no sense outside of a US context. Furthermore, UK and US terminology differs in other ways. The US uses the acronym POC to refer to People of Colour, while in the UK BAME is sometimes used for Black, Asian, Minority Ethnicities [caveat both have their own issues which we will not get into here].

Bringing this back to Welshness, there is no racial component to being Welsh, ergo race is not a factor in someone's Welshness.

Summary:

Ethnicity is something that may be informed by both race, culture and nationality, just race, just culture or just nationality. Whichever of those a given people has is informed by the historical evolution of the people and its relationship with other peoples. Certain combinations of the above are more suitable for certain peoples than others.

Nationality is something which is usually formally bestowed upon an individual based on either where they were born or if they move and naturalise as a citizen of somewhere different to where they were born. It can also be something which is informally adopted by a person living in or identifying with a nation not currently recognised as independent by the international community, but is nonetheless extant and may even be campaigning for Statehood. Lack of international recognition is not a barrier to national identity.

Race is something which is also bestowed at birth and consists of a set of traits or features associated with different racial groups, such as skin colour.

I hope that this has been useful and informative. Since you're on anon I don't know where you are from exactly, but I hope this at least leaves you feeling less confused. As with all things, there are many asterisks and pinches of salt, so do not take this for gospel. Rather think for yourself and do some research around some of the topics I've mentioned here to get more informed on the topic.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Jewels of Takarazuka – Makaze Suzuho-san [Cosmos Troupe] (from Fujingaho March Issue)

This series documents the "jewel-like" words of Takarazuka Top Stars, and knowing about their hints of living in the current age. This is a special version of Makaze Suzuho of Cosmos Troupe who will be graduating in June and we will learn more about her as an otokoyaku, as a Top Star, and the optimum of her radiance. From early on, she has been sprinting on the stairway to become a Star no matter what, and she has a diligence to never be satisfied with herself. She is full on inclusivity, warmly embracing the atmosphere of the theatre. That Makaze-san ponders [the understanding of] "herself". We will also deliver photos of her otokoyaku charm.

The latest episode 1

When I choose my outfit, depending on the colour and theme of the current season, I would be aware of what I like to wear and what I want to wear. Including some of the small details in my daily life, and even as to my approach in choices, I would understand myself deeper and from those external [circumstances] I was able to [know myself] in this approach. There are definitely some painful and sorrowful things in life. In those times, when you know about your preferences, and what makes you happy, then that would be better.

The latest episode 2

I've had some foliage plants at home. Before I might talk only a little [about the plants], but now I have more time to be at home due to the pandemic, I realise how much the plants have grown! For the soil or for the wood, it's said that it's good to touch nature, but in fact when I take care of the plants, I once again felt the power of life. I tend to forget it, but taking a walk is also how I can feel nature, and I'd also cherish the time to inhale deeply.

On this day also, the theatre receives the great glow that Makaze-san radiates. It's not a sharp blinding glow, rather it's a great, embracing, [warmth] glow. You can also feel this greatness in a person called Makaze-san. Of course she was welcomed with [the fans'] attention since her underclassmen times in Star Troupe, but even when she's already appointed Top Star, she continues to say that "there are yet many goals that I have". She announced her graduation in June and we wanted to know if there had been any changes.

"Since I'm starting to see that graduation [is near], I continued to feel how there are things I could learn every day, so that felt good to me... I once again felt how Takarazuka is really a place where you could learn a lot"

In previous coverage, she used to say that she entered Takarazuka with an admiration like that of a monk going to a [retreat] study. This reveals the diligence of Makaze-san and an episode [story] touching on the humanity required of a Takarazuka star.

"I suppose (LOL). But that's exactly how it is. It's about the technique of a stage performer, but I feel that more than anything the "study" of a person is a continuous [process]. Our lives is about learning for the whole of our life, but I truly think that it's great I could devote myself to this place. I felt that being Top wasn't originally a goal of mine, but even after becoming Top Star, as a stage performer, every time we face a new performance, it doesn't change that we start everything from ground zero. Even looking back, when I recall my previous roles, it goes without saying that there are countless different types of performances I got to do and this was the environment where I was faced with various challenges."

From myself, the people that I act along with and the audience. There are numerous chemical reactions on stage.

From original manga works to Hollywood popular movies, Broadway musicals... From the moment she became Top Star, she had a lineup of multifaceted genres of works showcasing the wide range of Takarazuka.

"Speaking of the stage, it's where you could have countless number of chemical reactions happening every day. Even though this is obvious, the stage cannot be created by one alone. It's through how the actors put their souls [in the performance] and interact with each other that creates this essential flavour of the stage. And also combined with the chemical reactions of seeing different audience members every day, that it's almost like you can't see yourself from yesterday, because every performance became unique on its own. As I stayed longer with the revue and with the many experience I accumulated, I feel much more from these chemical reactions. There's an interesting relationship in looking at the complexity and difficulty of these chemical reactions."

In order not to embarrass myself tomorrow, I want to live well in the moment now

She has been a Top Star for over 5 years. What is Makaze-san's motivation in all this?

"It would be so cool if I have this sense of justice in myself, but specifically it's because there's no definite right answer in this world, in the end it's about what I think for myself, "In order not to embarrass myself tomorrow" I want to live well in the moment now. I hold respect and gratitude to the friends and sensei and staff members who made the performance [possible], and for the things I want to show to the audience in the performance, I always hope that it could become some kind of strength for someone. Because I've had that feeling towards many people, so I always cherish that thought in my heart."

It may be easily forgotten that staying true to oneself is very important to the people who are creating the stage performance together and making the stage performance appear true to the audience.

"If you're observing everything around you, you might become uncomfortable and if you push yourself too much then you might end up being stressed out. That's why, you should first stay true to yourself. If you don't this, you'd be scared and you won't be able to stand on stage. I was able to think this way because my friends have helped me with my insecurity and weaknesses. By staying true to myself, I was able to create better chemical reactions with different kinds of people.

The turning point in Takarazuka is definitely the Corona pandemic

Corona pandemic was an opportunity for her to think again.

"What's the turning point in my Takarazuka life? If you ask me that, it would definitely be the corona pandemic. In that time when the performances and rehearsals were suspended, it was a time where I could rediscover and reflect upon myself. Before [the corona pandemic], I've had some Top Star experience, but after experiencing this change, I believe that this change made me doubt myself than I ever would before. Because of this difficult time, the bonds with my friends, the connections with the many fans who have been supporting us, the love I have for Takarazuka became stronger, and it was a stronger emotion that as part of [Takarazuka], I wouldn't be embarrassed and would continue doing my best."

Even to the underclassmen, I want to support everyone of Cosmos Troupe who's working hard at any circumstance

After this difficult time, how is the Cosmos Troupe team now?

"There are more constraints in rehearsal and more things we have to be careful, but to show a better performance than ever, each of us tried to think of one or two ideas and tried to deliver it on. Despite that, everyone of Cosmos Troupe are really enthusiastic and reliable, that I want to support them all. The troupe and I, we're aiming forward like arrows and it would be great if we could present that complementary effect to everyone."

The graduation performance is James Bond. It's a role that I could do only at this time.

The last performance is playing 007 James Bond, whom everyone in the world knows about. "Like playing this kind of role that the whole world knows about...even to the end, this is a great challenge for me. The scale of Bond is unprecedented, that you can feel his gentleman aura (dandyism), his humour and his chill vibe... Even more I wonder what would be the approach of Koike (Shuuichirou)-sensei in these 3 hours. This is a challenging performance that could only be challenged with the experience I've accumulated. I, Makaze Suzuho, will soon reveal the Bond I'll be playing and would hope to discover and hone more of my performance."

[positivelybeastly]

Astonishing Beast and Present Hank (the one that’s not dead(?). I’ve got a question about your evolution.

First, what could make you evolve? Despite past circumstances for evolutions, would the normal trigger for mutant growth work with you? Like heightened stress which is typically associated with  puberty. Or maybe your evolution functions like Pokémon do; gain more experience to eventually become stronger?

Second, why does your eye color change? Sometimes it’s yellow with black pupils and other times it’s regular eye color with blue pupils? I guess this have something to do with your evolutionary line, but if the yellow and black symbolize more animal like qualities, why does the current version of you have blue pupils despite every evolution making you look more…beastly?

"Oh. This looks rather involved, do you think you should - ?"

"I'll take it, kiddo. Feel free to jump in if you have any input, but for the most part, I think this is going to be a me question."

"In answer to your first question - my mutation responds primarily to mutagenic agents and severe trauma. Mutagenic agents in this instance referring, but not limited, to Mutant Growth Hormone and powers like those that Sage possesses, i.e. the ability to jumpstart secondary mutations.

The trauma aspect . . . I have a theory that my mutation tries to adapt to whatever hurt me badly enough that my X-gene triggered in response. It tries to correct the 'flaw' that led to me being injured, often by reverting to forms 'concealed' within my genome. A form of adaptive, defensive, atavistic mutation, as it were.

If heightened stress did it, I'd never stop mutating."

"What's Pokemon?"

"A video game - not one I've had occasion to play, though the students often like to bring it up in genetics class. From what I understand, it has an, interesting, approach to evolution."

"Hn. Perhaps I can order a copy of it to Simon's apartment - I could use something to do while I'm sitting on my keister. Let's see what's on the old Amazon . . ."

". . . As for my eye colour, well, it tends to vary depending on my emotional state, ever since I mutated into this feline form - and, from what I understand, it persists into forms past this one.

When I'm calm, centred, pleased, the like, the yellow and gold fades back to my original eye colour. When I'm . . . perturbed, incensed, inconvenienced, angry, the gold returns, and I lose the blue, often for black."

[foxybananaaaz]

2k Words

If you find yourself on this page, before reading Starting Over or Adjustments, please head over to the Title Page.

Lucien Week, Day Three :: Masks.

From the real to the metaphorical- Lucien wears a lot of masks depending on the circumstances. He's earned his reputation as a fox. @lucienweekofficial

PSA :: There will be mentions of what happened Under the Mountain in this part of the story. It will not go in depth, but there will be mentions.

The following evening, Lucien was told about the event that would take place the next day. His colour must have drained because he was quickly told he didn't have to attend if he did not wish to. Though he shook his head, insisting he would go, telling himself that Amarantha was no longer around.

Now he was alone in the room given to him. He delicately took the box down hidden in the furthest corner of the cupboards and placed it on the bed before taking the lid off. There, he saw the only mask he owned. The old fox mask.

Taking his mask off at the end of the night would be as easy as untying it. That didn't mean he wasn't constantly wearing a mask already. That even though that physical one had come off, that his true mask had been put right on. The one he wore, as if nothing had changed between Tamlin and he.

Though truthfully, Lucien couldn't deny things had changed between he and Tamlin the moment their masks came off. Before that, even. He still bore the scars. Tamlin had been ordered, but he hadn't even tried to fight against the order. Amarantha had decided to humiliate him even more by making him count.

It was probably one of the two times his father had actually cared, but that may have been because by punishing him, and by humiliating him, it was also humiliating his father and the Autumn Court. And his mother.

Lucien shook his head, clearing the memory before her cries overtook him.

Looking down into the box, swallowing thickly, Lucien picked up the fox mask. It was just an inanimate object. The mask itself didn't hold any magical properties. Amarantha was no longer around. Despite his nightmares.

Closing the lid, Lucien decided to continue with his evening and go to bed. His sleep had not lasted long, though, as nightmares of that wretched time plagued him, and he woke, with hours until morning still.

Taking a deep breath, Lucien stepped out to the balcony, leaning against the railing to look at the stars. Remind himself he was above ground. He was not under that mountain.

Lucien heard an expression of concern, along with a soft gasp coming from behind him. He did not let himself wonder how she even got here. Though not wanting to face her while he was in this state, he didn't turn around. Though he did turn his head halfway, greeting her, before looking back out to the stars.

Rather than return his greeting, Lucien felt her walk closer. Thinking she might come stand beside him, he froze as he felt her fingers on his back, tracing his scars.

Gripping the railing tighter and biting the inside of his ckeek to keep his reactions under control as best he could, Lucien remained frozen as Elain Archeron continued to trace the scars along her mates back, having absolutely no idea the reaction it was causing him.

Suddenly, her hand was gone, and Lucien felt as if he could breathe again. Back when she touched him last, he had a shirt, a jacket. It was not her hand against his bare skin. It also was not her hand gently tracing out scars from a time he wished he could forget.

Suddenly, she was next to him, leaning against the railing. "What happened?" She asked him, also looking towards the stars.

"Forgive me, my lady. I do not believe that is a story you wish to hear." Lucien responded, not trusting himself to look at her so soon as he still felt the tingling in his scars.

Though Elain seemed to have other plans as she grabbed his arm and turned him to look at her. There was an anger in her eyes that Lucien did not know she could possess. An anger that could rival that of her sisters, the viper. It scared Lucien, knowing Elain could possess such an anger.

"Do not decide for me. Tell me, what happened?" Her anger had layers, Lucien realized. He remembered hearing talk amongst those amongst Feyre and her family, mentioning how Elain had healed someone important, a long while ago. So it made sense that she would be angry that he would have unhealed scars on his back.

The second layer Lucien realized was that this female in front of him, his mate, was often not allowed to make her own decisions at home. His own anger at that realization flared, which brought forth the third and final layer of her anger. She was seeing ugly scars on her mates back. This layer was uncontrollable, part of the bond.

And so, despite his better judgement, Lucien obliged her wish and told her the story.

"And Feyre still wished to marry him after that?" Elain asked in shocked anger. Her hand, which had never left his arm, gripped tighter. Unable to trust his voice at this point, Lucien just nodded.

Elain shook her head before sighing. As if she were expecting better from her sister.

Hand still on his arm, Elain brought her other hand up to his face. Closing his eyes, Lucien then tried to keep control again.

"And this one?" Elain asked him.

Unable to deny her anything as she lightly traced the scar along his face, where the skin was at its most sensitive, Lucien found himself explaining that scar as well, noticing though not caring as the grip still on his arm grew tighter as he continued to speak.

"Lucien," his name, again, falling from her lips, sounded like honey, "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

Snapping his eyes open, refusing to be pitied, Lucien was about to say something, but his words died on his tongue, when he noticed that there was no pity in her eyes. Only sympathy, with that strange anger mixed in. But no anger towards him at all.

With their eyes connected, both feeling strong emotions, there was a charge. With their eyes connected and his true mask, nowhere to be found. With their eyes connected and her hands on his skin, they both noticed at the same time the bond tying them together, glowing brighter, shining, nearly purring in delight.

Lucien was staring at Elain as the words mate, mate, mate began flowing through his mind, and he wondered if the bond was pulsing those words through her mind as well when there was a small gasp from Elain, just before she...

Pulled back, turning back towards the railing again, looking at the stars.

Taking a moment to let himself calm down, before he joined her at the railing, keeping more space than when she had come out here before.

"Is that why you get nightmares so often?" She asked, without looking towards Lucien, and he did not find himself shocked, as he knew she was always the more intuitive one about this bond, and even though she was the one to shy away constantly, she was always the one to inadvertantly, unknowingly mention it more than him.

Lucien also keenly was aware he would not be sleeping again tonight, both after the charged reaction of being so close, as well as talking about his injuries from under the mountain.

Not wanting to concern his- no, not his, he reminded the part of himself that was pushing so hard for the two of them to get closer. Though not wanting to concern Elain, he put his mask back up, though he felt bad about doing so.

He asked the lady how she got here, and she replied saying she wished to come early. And before he could ask, she continued with a question of her own, asking if his father did not have extra rooms.

Suddenly, in his mind, the two of them were not in the Day Court, standing on the balcony, beneath the stars. But they were back where he grew up, in his room at the Forest House, his cruel brothers down the hall.

His father. No, she could not stay here, it wasn't safe. The last time his father found out, Jesminda had... And it was public knowledge that Elain was his mate, and that she was keeping him at distance. If he found out she was here, then... his mate was not safe here.

His mask must have slipped at that, because she was turning him to face her again. She was speaking to him, but he was not seeing her, his mind still spinning, his breathing speeding up, his vision tunneling. His father must not learn of her presence, no matter what.

The only thing that pulled him out of his spinning fear, was the golden thread going blindingly bright. He was pulled out of his spinning fear to Elain, his Lady, hugging him.

After pulling back, Elain did fully let go, but did not step as far back as Lucien had thought she would.

"Where did you go?" The words were still distant, though Lucien had heard them this time. He took a glance around to make sure he was not truly at the Forest House. With a mental sigh of relief Lucien looked back towards Elain.

"Lucien, where were you?" There was his name again. what was making her so comfortable speaking it so freely suddenly? He did not know, but he wished she would not stop. He also wished he would stop reacting to each and every time she said it. But he needed to answer her.

"The Forest House," Lucien spoke softly, quietly. "My father- Beron, you would not be safe there at all." Lucien explained in the briefest way he could.

Elain must have picked up on what had sent him spinning, and nodded. "I wont call Helion your father again, until you're comfortable and have made that transition yourself, no matter how long it takes. And you don't need to wear that mask around me, that you wear around him about it."

Closing his eyes, Lucien didn't expect the wave of emotion that flowed over him upon hearing those words. he tried to hold back tears, but even with his eyes closed a few did escape.

He felt her hand on his cheek, as she wiped his tears away. The bond did not glow, it did not sing, it stayed dormant just as it usually had when they were not in contact.

"Go back to bed. Go to sleep. Tomorrow's Sun Festival will be a long day. A Festival which I will be at. If things get tough, you can search me out."

Lucien opened his eyes in shock. This had to be a trick. Even if she would be there, she would not actively invite him to search for her, would she?

Elain simply offered a kind, soft smile. "We are friends, are we not?" And with that final line, she turned around and left the balcony, leaving Lucien standing there alone.

The following day, Lucien looked into the box again, and realized he would not be able to wear attire suited for the Day Court, as it did not match the fox mask inside. Even with the variety of colours, there was nothing.

So, much as he was loath to do so, Lucien slipped on, for the last time, some pants from the Autumn Court, A warm, light brown, the colour of leaves, just before they die. His shirt was from the Spring Court, light and airy, such a pale pink it could be mistaken for white at a distance. His boots came from the Night Court, deep black, sturdy, and proper dress. His jacket came from the Human Lands, and was nice enough to stand up agains some of the finer Fae Seamstress' in the Autumn Court, with its deep red, just a shade or two darker than his hair.

Finally, Lucien put on his Fox Mask, with hesitation, and after reminding himself, that the mask could do him no harm. Amarantha was no longer here. After tying the mask in place, his outfit was complete.

He prayed this was the last time he would wear any of these clothes, putting his past behind him, as he started new in the Day Court, even though no one new who he truly was yet.

With his physical mask on, Lucien then also threw up his true mask before walking out of his room, and out towards the main room where festivities would begin within the hour.

To continue to Part Four, click it's title, Acting Tough

So this part is more dialogue heavy. I hope you don't mind, as it kinda breaks the flow of the other two parts. But here it is! My submission for Lucien Appreciation Week Day Three!

Also, I may have possibly changed canon regarding if Tamlin fought against giving Lucien 20 lashes? I honestly can't remember if he did or not. If he did, don't mention it. In this story, he did not. Same with LOA crying out when Lucien was getting them.

[scientist-of-love]

Introducing... Merfolk La Squadra! A group of merfolk who live in the same area of the sea and often meet to talk, travel, and hunt together. While they mostly keep to the sea, sometimes they venture near the shore or very occasionally crawl on land for their own means. They may be responsible for stolen fishermen's goods and some disappearances under mysterious circumstances...

With the exception of Formaggio and Sorbet (thresher shark and blacktip reef shark respectively), they aren't specific species of fish. Some of them take inspiration from certain kinds, but not directly based off them.

Some more specific lore tidbits under cut!

~ Like all merfolk, they use a lot of body language and sounds to communicate alongside speech. ~ Their base is an underwater cave and the small surrounding area which includes rocks and kelp that obscures the entrance from overhead. ~ They use teamwork to hunt together, and certain mers will work with others depending on the prey they're tackling.

~ Sorbet and Gelato live together and go everywhere with each other. They are very affectionate, and have certain calls and gestures that they use just for each other. ~ They intertwine their tails with each other when they're snuggling. ~ Gelato's markings help him blend in with kelp when he's hunting.

~ Formaggio's top is a pilfered fishing net. ~ He's a very good hunter, but he also steals fish from fishermen.

~ Illuso's scales are very shiny, almost reflective.

~ Prosciutto can change colours! While he usually sticks to darker tones, his colours will become more vibrant when he's really emotional or like the second picture, which is like a threat display. The markings that resemble The Grateful Dead's eyes pulse and shift, which can be disorientating to look at.

~ Pesci and Prosciutto have a special bond, and they live together and stick together even when they're not with the others.

~ Ghiaccio is a very speedy swimmer and efficient hunter. ~ In certain light, his scales have a certain sheen to them that make them look frosty.

~ Melone is very thin and flexible, so he can get in places that the others can't. When he's not out swimming with the others, he can be found lurking in dark places and sneaking around shipwrecks. ~ He's bioluminescent! He can control it at will, so he can flash signals to the others or just light up dark areas. ~ He likes to study other mers, observing their behaviour and trying to figure out what makes them tick. He also observes humans, and may follow ones he finds fascinating to figure their mind out.

~ Although he's more of a fish, Risotto can change colours like an octopus. He doesn't use it for expression very often and sticks to his "default" colours. He uses it more for camouflage.

[sheisraging]

15 questions, 15 (or whatever) tags

I was tagged by @winderlylandchime (thank youuuu!)

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

I was! My great grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side. :)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

This past week, watching the Richie episode of The Bear, S2.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope!

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

I do.

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

No thank you!

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

I feel like this changes depending on the circumstance, tbh.

7. EYE COLOUR?

Hazel

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Both!

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

I am a very good baker.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Georgia

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Photography, traveling as much as I can, lots of artsy fartsy things

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

1 doggo

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5’6" ish?

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Probably History and Art. And Art History.

15. DREAM JOB?

Being independently wealthy so I can just travel and take pictures. OR, alternatively, being the person who oils Chris Evans' body for films. Whether or not he requires it.

Tagging: @slutaciouslestat @lestatthelittlelion @thefairylights @kaaaaaaarf @headbandsandflats @provenance @bilestat

[nebulacollege]

How do they dress outside of school? Do any prefer designer clothes? What’s their aesthetics?

+

Anonymous asked:

Not my dumb ass reading your reply and wondering, “Why did the anon mention the clothes they were wearing?”

Sorry, I couldn’t not include this ask because it’s too funny! Now the mystery is up. Unfortunately (?), the only clothes we’re going to talk about today is Nebula’s boys preferences...

I asked Ryu to help me with this reply because I don’t know much about clothes, fashion and I’m just biased towards t-shirts and hoodies. Unfortunately (!), my boys don’t seem like the type to wear those often, although it would suit them very nicely. I haven’t thought out their aesthetics outside of the college, so these things might change in the future.

Niall definitely has designer clothes, and he’s lucky enough to have big brands send him custom clothes/shoes that were tailored and/or made specifically for him on his order (or maybe as a PR company or as a sign of gratitude if his family is on good terms with it, so it’s a “favour”). This does not happen very often, however, because it’s usually very expensive and he’s not the most important prince in the world lol Depends on the circumstances.

I think he’d go for lighter tones and things that will make him stand out but won’t clash with his bright hair colour. It’s usually shirts, polo shirts, sweaters, cardigans, rugby shirts. Something that looks bright, but clearly expensive, he goes for a preppy look. He’s your typical rich guy from the media, although in modern terms he’s a little bit old-fashioned?

Ned wears whatever everyone else is wearing. If some brand is favoured in his house and is considered “appropriate” for his status and his family, he wears it too because he doesn’t care about clothes much, as long as it meets TPO. He’s still concerned about its quality and there’s an air of elitism, although he’s the type to connect quality with the price tag a little.

He wears shirts and polo shirts and sweaters as well, plus henley shirts/sweaters, but you can actually see him wear t-shirts as well, and not only during his training sessions. He can also go for a hoodie, occasionally. I think I mentioned his preferred colours somewhere in a previous reply? A loose tracksuit is also something he can wear and not necessarily for training, just at home.

Ryu also suggested that he might not like jeans because they make him feel uncomfortable between his thighs.

Edmund wears whatever is given to him and shows very little enthusiasm in shopping in general, so he ends up being a little capricious about trying things on or getting measured, and not all clothes fit him perfectly. He has small shoulders for a guy and short height, so he needs to be very careful with it due to how men’s clothes are usually made, that’s why his uniform is such a disaster lol He likes oversized comfortable clothes where you cannot see this, so he likes hoodies, jumpers, turtlenecks, stuff like that.

He has brighter and lighter colours in his wardrobe, but he gravitates towards dark, muted or just very neutral colous and shades of grey. He wants to check out t-shirts, but buys them very rarely and chooses a fun print/colour.

Ryu also suggested that Edmund doesn’t like a big amount of buttons, laces, and everything that requires him spending years to get a piece of clothing in order. He just wants to put it on and go, it makes him feel tired. He doesn’t like uniforms and suits.

He has certain clothes that are insanely expensive, but if you don’t know the history of them, you wouldn’t get it. Niall and Liam could notice on him something like trainers of which there’re only ten pairs were made in the entire world.

Liam is a man of contrasts, as you could’ve noticed. Since his parents own a fashion house and he learned a lot about it, it takes him a very short time to come up with a good combination. He’s more modern than our first two guys, and he has tons of designer clothes both bought and gifted to him, including the ones people might find weird. He can wear something typical like a beige overcoat with a brown sweater and some other plain thing like that, and the next wear a jumper with a weird print, bright green pants and oversized shoes and somehow it’s actually insanely trendy. Liam also has a curse that no matter what he’s wearing, it looks so fucking good on him.

[gothamsaved]

` 1. What is your favorite trope to rp?

[ … ] I am a big fan of any potentially angsty tropes. Ones like life or death situations that force the unlikeliest of people to rely upon one another to form a closeness that would not have existed without such extremes / external circumstances. Generally any plot where a deep relationship can be built between characters for better or worse, definitely is one I love.

If done well,  it can provide a very good opportunity for both writers to explore their muses in a high emotion,  high stress moment.  The impact of it can carry into future threads,  especially if it’s been built up towards or has been hinted at in the past.  When it’s well plotted,  it gives so much potential to explore a lot of different aspects of a character.  It’s great for romantic,  platonic,  antagonistic tensions,   &&.  it can provide the chance to change an entire dynamic depending on how muses react to what’s happening.  MWAH.

` 6. Name 3 things you love most about your muse/muses.

[ … ] Scrambled, but... Ultimately?  Bruce’s love of humanity &&. his surprising optimism regarding it,  his stubborn compassion that gets looked down on as naïve.  How despite the seemingly endless displays of darkness he faces   &&.   finds,  he is so set in finding the good that casts the shadows it hides inside.  You can’t have darkness without light,  it’s always there,  always a part of it.  He believes no one is born a monster or beyond saving   — they’re made,  shaped   &&.  formed through the traumatic trials they’ve faced. But that with enough effort it can be reversed.

He understands better than anyone else that all it can take is a single bad day to completely turn your world on its head,  can make or break a man depending on how close to the edge they’ve been pushed already — he himself is a result of it.  He wants to help.  I just truly do adore his stubborn,  bloody grit teeth optimism.  It’s born from his own experience being exposed to the horrors &&. despite the occasionally brutal, occasionally flawed methods he will use to handle some situations, it’s his subtle &&. guarded empathy regarding those within Gotham that I adore. His violence in attempting to tame it, his relentless fight to try saving what others feel is nothing more than a dying City, a lost cause   —   there’s always a choice.

His is to save his home regardless of how hopeless it feels.

` 7. What is one overrated roleplay trend?

[ … ] Over formatted replies.  It’s not a huge problem for me personally right now, but I do have issues with reading some over formatted replies, especially when I would get them from others in the past.   The aesthetic of it is absolutely gorgeous,  don’t get me wrong. I greatly admire those that can pull it off.

I understand there comes a lot of extra steps from picking fonts to adding &&.   selecting complimenting colours to really tie the entire response together in an artful display,  but I don’t know how else to word it outside of…  if there’s an excessive amount of breaks in some text via font change or bright harsh colours,  it throws me completely out of a scene I’m attempting to get invested in because my goldfish brain sees the sudden change   &&.   then fixates on that over the plot I was envisioning &&. then I have to reread it over again.

It’s so nitpicky, I know, it frustrates me endlessly because of how a written flow for me can easily be disturbed.  Just to reiterate,  it’s a thing I do adore seeing,  but if I am writing against it,  it makes it hard for me to reply at times so I usually ask people if it’s possible to tone it down with our threads.  Other than that,  that's about the only thing to come to mind regarding rp trends.

` 13. Is there one trope you can’t stand?

[ … ] I think… for this not much really comes to mind as I am usually open to trying new things so long as they are discussed beforehand in private.  I guess cheating as far as plot tropes go in rp threads or unnecessarily complicated love triangles.  Simply put it cuts too close to home.  I don’t mind people that do enjoy writing it,  but for me that’s probably the one thing I’ll outright refuse or avoid to write for personal reasons.

` 18. What is one thing you’d wish to see more in the rp community?

[ … ] This is an active issue in a lot of rpcs from what I have seen so far &&. I know I am also very guilty of this on my end — but just people being more active in poking eachother,  anxiety be damned.  I guess simply put,  community support?  Or rpc activity coming back again to where mutuals will actively hype one another easily,  tag eachother in dashgames,  aren’t afraid to kick in dms to screech about possible plots or rp replies.  I am definitely guilty of this myself   ( I am the worst with keeping in touch ooc because of irl issues right now   &&.   stress ).

A positive here, is I haven’t seen much of this in some rpc spaces as of late.  They sometimes tend to come off as a little cliquey especially in recent years so it makes it hard to stay active when you just don’t feel wanted,  you know?  But I am very happy to report since attempting to be more active rp wise lately,  the new faces I’ve seen on dash,  the mutuals made   —   people have been insanely welcoming again.  It’s been nice to see that supportive willingness to interact   &&. be so openly friendly.  I have been writing for a few years now,   &&.   it’s so nice to finally see a hint of that old wholesome vibe I used to notice back in the day making a comeback again.

` 20. Do you need music/noise to write or do you prefer silence?

[ … ] I will always need music to answer things. It helps me focus on a reply, &&. it gives me better chances of envisioning a reply scene more vividly than if I tried to answer with silence in the background. Muse playlists are a life saver!

` ❛ TRANSMISSION RECEIVED ˒﹚) [☎︎] … incoming from @chaoticjoke ↳ Oookay 🗣️

[magnificentcenturyfics]

Remembering Gülbahar, part 2/2 - Wooing

Description: Continuation of my version of Mahidevran's backstory. Now an oops all Mahidevran x Süleyman fic. TW: what might be implied SA?

***

   Around half a year after Süleyman’s arrival, he came to Istanbul once again, if only for a short visit – his younger sister Şahuban was to be marry Lütfi pasha. Of course, Ayşe Hafsa was to attended the wedding as well, and surprised Gülruh and Mahidevran were chosen as part of her entourage, which otherwise only included four slave girls, the other two being much older and more experienced. While at the time she was baffled by the great honor she’s been bestowed with, now Mahidevran suspected Ayşe Hafsa always had ulterior motives with Zahide hanim’s girls. Even back then, she might’ve figured it out sooner if such a thought wasn’t an act of immense hubris under the circumstances. As if Ayşe Hafsa would consider lowly Mahidevran hatun good enough for the possition of a concubine!

   As it was, Mahidevran was filled with happiness as she marveled at the size and beauty of the then still in construction Topkapi palace, secure in her mistress‘ confidence in her as never before. This was especially important, because Ayşe Hafsa never sought to build a close relationship with her servants, aside from of Daye, and if she noticed them at all outside of giving them orders, she tended to treat them as a nuisance. Unlike Hürrem, who quite open and proud of the origin of her name, Mahidevran rarely talked about it, hoping people she met never heard of her as Gülbahar, because it was almost embarassing – Ayşe Hafsa often mixed up the names of her, Gülruh and Gülfem, to her own chagrin. In the end, she proclaimed that Gülruh was to be named Hüsnimelek and Gülbahar Mahidevran, and didn’t even bother to explain to anyone why did she chose those two names. Mahidevran, though humiliated by said careless name change, soon adjusted to it, simply because she did like her new name better, and it eventually helped her erase this period of her life from the memory of everyone else. Untill Gabriela’s audacious request, Mahidevran liked to pretend everything that came before that sunny, unusually dry autumn simply did not exist.

   Mahidevran was at time so swept up in the pomp of the celebrations and beauty of the bright, rich colours autumn leaves gained in the persistent sunlight that she barely even noticed the wedding was actually a rather somber occasion. In fact, upon reflection, she certainly perceived the similarities between weddings of Şah sultan and Mihrimah sultan, even if the former wasn’t nearly as ostentatious as the latter. Şah’s unhappiness had rubbed on Süleyman, who expressed scepticism about the match quite often, much to his father’s irritation, but ultimately was powerless (and possibly unwilling) to stop the wedding. He tried his best to support his sister troughout this miserable ordeal, but ultimately, Süleyman seemed more bored and annoyed than anything. Despite their best efforts, the royal family gave off the impression that none of them wants to be there, and şehzade Süleyman was no exception. This must’ve strenghtened the resolve of Ayşe Hafsa to put in motion a plan she most likely had in mind for a while.

   On the first morning of the seven-day celebrations, she sent all of them away besides Hüsnimelek and Mahidevran. This immediately made Mahidevran’s heart beat faster, as she wondered whether they earned some kind of punishment, reward, or perhaps an important task. It turned out that depending on one’s perspective, it might’ve been all three. „My son has been in a foul mood lately, and I wish to please him, but he isn’t very receptive towards the charms of harem girls these days. I haven’t been able to change his mind on this, but mayhaps such beguiling young creatures as you might. Thus, I wish to declare a contest between you two. Whichever one of you manages to obtain even the most miniscule expression of favor from our şehzade, even if it isn’t outright purple handkerchief, will earn a prize; and if by any chance you are called upon halvet, you shall be my most favoured of the concubines. If you do not succeed despite your best efforts, I won’t begrudge you, but should I notice you not trying at all, your disobedience shall not go unpunished. Understood?“ When they nodded their heads, trying desperately to hide their excitement, she moved her hand in a lazy gesture. „Off you go, then. And good luck!“

   As soon as they left their mistress‘ apartments, Mahidevran collapsed to the floor, shaking and on the verge of crying. Frightened Hüsnimelek sat on her heels next to her. „Mahidevran?“

Mahidevran wiped away the wetness slowly clouding her gaze with her sleeve and managed to stop more of it from coming to the surface of her eyes. „Why must she torment us like this?! Does she not see...“ She didn’t even finish that silly thought. Of course she does not. What should Ayşe Hafsa, daughter of the Crimean khan and wife of the mighty sultan Selim, care for the banale friendships of slave girls?

„I don’t think it would help much even if she did. Now, get up, god forbid someone important sees you like this – sitting in the hallway crying...“ she said gently, extending a hand towards her.

Mahidevran hesitantly took it. „I am not crying.“ she proclaimed in a somewhat shaky voice, trying desperately to sound proud, even imperious. When she was finally standing on her own two feet, she looked into Hüsnimelek’s face and realized her friend isn’t calm, as she initially asumed, but tired and somewhat upset.

   She awkwardly slipped around Hüsnimelek and resolved to leave her vicinity as quickly as possible, preferably for good, only for her friend to exclaim in an irritated tone. „Are we not going to talk about this?!“

„What is there to say?! Her Majesty wants us to not be friends, so what can we do?!“

„She didn’t say anything like that, Mahidevran.“

„But if we want to fulfill the task she has given us...“

Hüsnimelek stuck out her lip defiantly. „We’ll find a way around it, I am sure! If only we work together... Reach some sort of agreement...“

„What kind of agreement?! Her Majesty’s instructions were clear – we are supposed to be rivals in this contest...“

„A contest where there is nothing to lose.“ Hüsnimelek spat out contemptously. „So what if one of us becomes the prince’s favourite? The other one will still be in the service of Her Majesty, and either gets a good husband, or a the possition of a kalfa. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be offended if you were blessed with the purple handkerchief – on the contrary, I would be happy for you! Wouldn’t you be happy for me too, Mahidevran?“

Mahidevran pursed her lips together, imagining the scenario. „I hope I would, because I already know I won’t win. How could he notice me over you, the most beautiful woman in this entire harem, who is also so clever and cheerful and lively...“

„Oh, that’s lovely. I am glad to hear that if you had to give away that godforsaken handkerchief, you would’ve chosen me.“ Hüsnimelek laughed. „But you don’t, şehzade does. And we can’t know which one of us he’d fancy if he noticed us, because he hasn’t yet.“

Mahidevran felt her mouth form into a small smile, and decided not to say anything. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became she cannot possibly compare to Hüsnimelek with her waist-lenght hair the colour of a fresh hazelnut shell, round face with full pink cheeks, soft features and big aquamarine eyes with long lashes. And while her body was mostly slim just like Mahidevran’s, it was also graceful and had at least some curves, whereas Mahidevran was just thin and flat. No, she should not stand in Hüsnimelek’s way now. If everything goes well, she will be the mother of şehzade’s next child; if not, well... When Süleyman rejects someone like Hüsnimelek, what are the odds of Mahidevran catching his eye?!

   It didn’t help that Mahidevran wasn’t very inventive. While she took Ayşe Hafsa’s instructions seriously despite the seeming hopelessness of her mission, she racked her brain for several days trying to think of how to catch Süleyman’s eye. Meanwhile, Hüsnimelek attacked with full force of her finest weapons from the very first day. That night, celebrations in the harem provided them with a good opportunity for a first strike – and while Mahidevran simply put on her best dress, did her best with the limited supply of beauty products she owned (Gülşah helped her with this and was helped by Mahidevran in turn, as was the custom between lower-ranking girls) and tried to dance as gracefully and seductively as possible (with mixed results), Hüsnimelek’s plan was much more sophisticated. After dancing as close to Süleyman’s line of sight as possible (somewhat foolishly, since he barely glanced at the slave girls having fun in front of him), she turned towards Ayşe Hafsa and acted as if she was trying to return to her side. However, on the way there, she very obviously faked slipping on a carpet and falling right into Süleyman, her stunning figure on full display to him as he just barely caught her before she could crash into his face. She then stared at him a little too long before she backed away and turned her gaze down. But Hüsnimelek didn’t even manage to appologize before Süleyman started acting as if nothing happened, jovialy continuing a conversation with one of his aunts present at the festivities. As Hüsnimelek‘s appologies went ignored, Ayşe Hafsa told her to not waste her breath and leave the room, which she did on the verge of tears. However, when she saw worried Mahidevran follow her out of the room, she quickly adjusted herself and went to the common sleeping area poised and calm-looking.

   While this first unsuccesful attempt left Hüsnimelek sad and disappointed for a night, the very next morning she was already plotting another one. This time, she wrote a love poem, which she then left in prince’s apartments, hoping he would inquire who wrote it. He likely didn’t, and Daye spoke to the entire harem that afternoon, scolding the poem’s anonymous author for bothering the prince. That was an even harsher blow towards Hüsnimelek’s pride than the previous night, no matter how fervently Mahidevran swore her poem was one of the best she’s ever read. She wasn’t even lying; of course, what Mahidevran didn’t tell her friend was the way she was dying of jealousy reading it, knowing that she herself would never be able to create anything so awe-inspiring. At the same time, she felt guilty for this jealousy and had her opinion of şehzade Süleyman sour somewhat. How can he not see the literary genius on display, how can he, who prided himself so on his culturedness, dismiss such a talent right in front of him?! Is it just because the poem’s author is likely a mere slave?

   Nevertheless, after a day of sulking, Hüsnimelek managed to muster up courage for yet another attempt. Her voice, while by no means spectacullar, was pleasant enough, and she reasoned that if she chose a right song, she could make şehzade notice her by simply singing in his vicinity often enough. She tried enlisting Daye’s help in getting closer to him, even offering her a bribe, but no luck; the old woman knew about their mission, but was unwilling to help them, likely on Ayşe Hafsa’s instruction. At the same time, sultana kept Hüsnimelek busy the entire day, so she didn’t get the opportunity to execute her plan.

   Mahidevran meanwhile made a half-hearted attempt to run into şehzade during her time off that afternoon, hoping he won’t take the collision too harshly – and that it will be witnessed by Ayşe Hafsa, then walking the gardens with him, so that her mistress cannot accuse Mahidevran of not doing what she was told. Indeed, she found şehzade Süleyman and his mother and managed to find a way to walk opposite them right as they turned the corner, so that it didn’t seem suspicious that she didn’t immediately stop and bow in their presence. Of course, she nonetheless bowed right after the collision, appologizing impassionately, which sultana and her son seemed to ignore at first (except for what Mahidevran would swear was a single angry stare from Ayşe Hafsa). However, as they walked past Mahidevran, she heard Süleyman casually ask his mother. „Isn’t that the girl who ran after that annoying one?“

„Yes, that is her. Why?“

„Do they know each other?“

„How should I know?! Do you think I keep an eye on which slaves are friends? Bah! Don’t be...“

„Well, they are your personal servants, aren’t they?“

„Still.“

„Oh, she’s still here!“

„Bismillah, she is listening in on us! I am going to...!“

„Please, calm down, mother. Hey, you!“

Mahidevran turned towards them, her hands shaking. She bowed deeply, eyes firmly pinned to the ground. „My prince?“

„Do you know that girl who fell on me a few days ago, during those celebrations?“

„Yes, sir. She is in fact a friend of mine.“

„Tell her, then, that her talents are wasted on vain attempts to gain my attention. Her poetry is magnificent, but I can already tell she could be quite persistent if she puts her mind to it, and I do not wish to be bothered by her my entire stay in Istanbul. I do not desire her, and she should get the thought of convincing me otherwise out of her head.“

   What happened next could be chalked up entirely to Mahidevran’s tendency to act before she thinks, especially prominent in her youth. Against all rules, she lifted her gaze and let out a surprised. „Why?“

Süleyman raised his eyebrows. „Why what?“

Ayşe Hafsa seemed outraged. „How dare you question our şehzade?! Get out of my sight, you insolent...“

„Not before she answers my question, mother.“ said Süleyman coldly.

Mahidevran dropped her gaze to the ground once again. „I meant... Şehzade forgive me, I didn’t...“

„What did you mean by „why“, hatun?“ he asked impatiently.

Mahidevran thought she could die of shame. „I just... I... If you liked Hüsnimelek’s poetry so much... And since she’s also one of the most beautiful women there... Why are you so disinterested in her?“ She then added, hoping to lessen the blow. „I wondered. I shouldn’t have done so. Please, forgive me my insolence...“

Süleyman’s voice was half-annoyed, half-amused. „Stop appologizing. I wasn’t angry at your impulsive question, but if you keep appologizing for it, I might get angry yet.“

Mahidevran lifted her gaze in surprised, but then remembered herself and looked down again.

She bowed once more and was ready to leave, when Süleyman spoke once again. „I did not give you a leave, Mahidevran.“

Süleyman’s voice was deep and soft and to hear her own name from his lips felt like a caress. At that moment, Mahidevran felt a light shiver all over her body. She was affraid to do or say anything out of fear of yet another scolding, but at the same time even this kind of miniscule, somewhat indifferent interest in her from him felt like the highest honor Mahidevran has been given in her entire life.

„Will you relate my message to her, then, in those exact words?“

„Yes, my prince.“

„Alright, then. Lift your head up, I want to see your face when I’m talking to you.“

   But he didn’t actually talk to her. When their eyes met, he didn’t say anything, instead looking at her intently for a while before nodding her head. „You may go.“ he said quietly, turning away as Mahidevran gave him her final bow. She didn’t leave, instead trying to listen in on them, but she only heard Ayşe Hafsa’s annoyed questioning of her son and Süleyman’s only response – laughter.

   When Mahidevran returned inside, she felt a strange clenching in her stomach and her heart still beating faster than normal. While she managed to collect herself in time to return to her duties, she was somewhat absent-minded the entire rest of the day, at all times either remembering Süleyman’s words and thinking how best to relay them to Hüsnimelek, or daydreaming about his beautiful eyes and voice. She was sane enough to realize how silly it is, to think Süleyman would remember her as anything other than a servant he gave an order to, but a part of her could not possibly give up hope, especially since Hüsnimelek had already lost their little competition. Or such was one interpretation of what happened – really, when it came to Süleyman, was being thought of somewhat badly worse than not being thought of at all? Then again, Hüsnimelek’s loss could’ve been a catastrophe to Mahidevran, who in her own eyes simply could not compare to her rival. If she had no chance, Mahidevran had twice as little.

   She talked to Hüsnimelek as they went to sleep in the common area. „I met şehzade in the gardens. The good news is, he read your poem and liked it. But... He is still asking you to stop pursuing him.“

Hüsnimelek’s expression was a mix of befuddlement and profound dissapointment such as Mahidevran had never seen before. „Allah, I knew it. I was too conspicuous, wasn’t I?“

„I suppose?“

„That’s what I get for desiring sultana’s attention more than şehzade’s. I wanted her to see that I am doing something so badly that I forgot what my mission was in the first place.“ After a little silence, she lifted her blanket to climb under it, but then stopped to talk to Mahidevran. „Was he angry at me? Do you think it’s completely hopeless?“

„I don’t think he was angry, but he definitely meant „stop trying to gain my attention“ as an order.“ When she saw her friend’s defeated face, she quickly added. „But I don’t think our mistress would want you to give up. At any rate, we should at least ask her...“

„I would rather not.“ Hüsnimelek sighed. „She saw that I’ve done everything in my power, and should understand that it wasn’t enough. Shouldn’t she?“

Mahidevran didn’t answer. She wasn’t in a mood to argue, and knew her friend felt the same, even if they both knew Ayşe Hafsa enough to doubt Hüsnimelek’s hopefulness.

   Next morning, Hüsnimelek confessed to Mahidevran that she was giving up her pursuit of şehzade Süleyman for good. Mahidevran herself considered doing the same, although she didn’t voice it in front of her friend. Then again, perhaps she should show at least some token effort, to assuade the wrath of their mistress. She gained the golden opportunity to do so when Ayşe Hafsa sent her to bring şehzade snacks – that afternoon, one of his former tutors taught him matrak, and Süleyman allegedly only ate a small amount from his lunch, surely he’ll be exhausted if he engages in such a heavy excercise on an empty stomach...? Mahidevran thought that sultana must’ve been at least partly sincere (mothers are the same everywhere – she herself worried about Mustafa’s diet and other minor inconveniences that might befall him quite often), but at the same time, surely Ayşe Hafsa expected more of her than that...

   Upon seeing Süleyman, what she was struck by first was the redness of his cheeks, heavy breathing and sweat glistening all over his face. He looked more alive than ever before, and the raw beauty of his visage made Mahidevran herself blush. When he walked up towards her, she bowed as deep and kept her eyes on the grass below as intently as never before.

„You’re Mahidevran, aren’t you? The friend of that clumsy girl who writes poems?“

„Yes, sir.“

He suddenly grabbed her chin and lifted her face to look into his, frankly, quite annoyed expression. Still, that touch made her shiver. „Am I truly so hideous that you’d rather stare at the ground when you’re talking to me?“

„Forgive me, şehzade!“ Mahidevran said in a somewhat higher and more nervous voice than usual.

„Have you told her what I ordered you to say?“

„Yes, sire.“

„And what did she say to that?“

„She will obey your command, my prince.“

Süleyman smirked. „We’ll see.“

   He then turned away, arousing panic in Mahidevran; she knew she must do something, anything to gain just a little bit of attention, for her own sake and Hüsnimelek’s. In that moment, her tendency to not think before she says or does something struck again. „She told me to say goodbye to you, for now she shall perish of shame and broken heart.“

Süleyman turned back towards her, his eyebrows raised quizically. „Did she? What, is she ill? Or does she by any chance have a penchant for exagarating things?“

„No, my prince, she was completely honest! You see, she is not ill at present, but her constitution is fragile and the next few days, mayhaps even weeks will be very hard for her, even if she manages to survive them.“

Süleyman’s eyes twinkled with mischief. „Keep me informed about her health, then. I would loathe to cause the death of such a lovely girl.“

   At that moment, Mahidevran found herself a go-between to the potential romance of Süleyman and Hüsnimelek – and she realized she didn’t like the thought one bit. Already she was infatuated with Süleyman’s beauty and spirited nature, and the touch of his hand turned her feelings from idle dreaming into darker, more possesive territory. She still wasn’t too optimistic about the possibility of experiencing his touch again, but heavens, she desired it more than anything else and the thought of her own best friend getting to feel much more than a single finger on her face filled Mahidevran with distaste unbecoming of a friend of hers. She thus didn’t inform Hüsnimelek about her encounter with Süleyman, instead lying that he barely noticed her – and surely enough, the next few days her friend held true to her proclamation of defeat, acting in a reserved and overly servile manner around şehzade. Unfortunately, Süleyman himself misunderstood it, as he revealed to her when he once walked out of his mother’s chambers and pulled Mahidevran aside. „She indeed looks quite melancholic. How is she doing? Is she healthy?“

„In perfect health, my prince, just a bit disappointed.“ said Mahidevran quickly.

„A bit?“

„Well, she is not one to speak much, you know? I cannot at present tell exactly...“

But her voice was somewhat shaking, and Süleyman noticed. „Are you lying to me, Mahidevran?“

His question threw Mahidevran out of the loop. „No! Majesty, what do you mean...?“

„You’re contradicting yourself, and even the tone of your voice is... Off. What does Hüsnimelek truly feel, can you tell me?“

Mahidevran blinked fast, startled by his accusations. „My şehzade, I swear, I am not...“

Süleyman looked displeased, making Mahidevran’s heart sink with despair. „Of course you can’t. I must therefore ask her.“

He tried to walk past her, but panicked Mahidevran stopped him. „Majesty, I lied the first time! She holds no strong feelings for you, and only aims to gain your attention because your valide ordered her. The poem wasn’t sincere...“

Süleyman smiled – a mischievious smile, young and heartbreakingly beautiful. „But it was truly moving, wasn’t it?“

He was close, so close, to Mahidevran, and yet also to her losing him forever. She couldn’t help herself. „It is not fair, it truly isn’t! Were I as good in poetry as her, I would’ve written you words a thousand times as moving, for I desire you so much more strongly, but I can’t, so you’ll never know...“

Süleyman let out a surprised laughter. „I certainly do now.“ His expression then changed into a more serious one, as he wondered out loud. „Mayhaps valide did send me the wrong servant of hers.“

Mahidevran felt an overwhelming desire to touch him, or heaven forbid even kiss him, but he only turned away, once again wearing his mischievious smile, and left Mahidevran’s proximity. In desperation, she touched her own lips, and upon imagining his fingers in place of hers, she let out a small sob. She felt like the biggest fool on the face of the Earth, and yet at the same time his comments filled her with more hope than she ever felt before. And the thought of possibly getting to know şehzade Süleyman biblically completely blinded her to everything else.

   But the next few days came and went without anything significant happening on that front. Hüsnimelek continued her attempts to make Süleyman notice her as little as possible, while he didn’t seem to think much of either of them. And so, as the wedding festivities of Şah sultan and Lütfi pasha came to a close and şehzade was getting ready to go home, Mahidevran had grown desperate to arouse şehzade’s interest once again, and after wracking her brain with what she knew about şehzade, she finally arrived at a quite radical solution.

   She got the opportunity to talk to Ibrahim on the last day of their stay at Istanbul. As luck would have it, Ayşe Hafsa sent her to retrieve from him an expensive turban pin Süleyman borrowed him for the festivities, which seemed to enrage her quite a bit. After Ibrahim refused to do so, confident in his assessment that şehzade wouldn’t want him to, Mahidevran decided not to press matter further, since it made her quite uncomfortable anyway. Instead, she bit her lip and quietly said. „I came here for our sultana, but I also need to talk to you.“

Ibrahim raised his eyebrows. „How come?“

„I know I cannot expect you to care for matters of the harem, and that it is not your place...“

Ibrahim smirked. „That is absolutely true... What is your name, anyway?“

„Mahidevran.“

„So, Mahidevran, if you already know all of that, what are you even doing here speaking to me?!“

„Because His Majesty trusts you like noone else, and if you took him to the gardens the morning after we return to Manisa, I would be extremely grateful. While I have little possesions, I would give all of that...“

Ibrahim’s response was sharp. „Do you have me for a common eunuch, girl?! I am not in the business of giving out favours to uppity little slave girls for pennies!“

„Ibrahim agha, you don’t understand! I was sent by Ayşe Hafse herself to persuade şehzade into, uh... More frequent fulfillment of his duties, I mean when it comes to siring an heir... If you helped me with that, you would most certainly earn her gratitude, and she’d forget the whole nonsense with the turban pin.“

„She’d forget that regardless. Knowing her, she soon forgets I exist too. I don’t matter to her any more than you do to me.“

„That’s not at all... Ibrahim agha, she is well aware of your exceptionally close relationship with şehzade Süleyman...“

Ibrahim’s voice suddenly took on a threatening tone. „Are you insinuating something by „close relationship“?“

Mahidevran gasped; she genuinely didn’t realize the possible implications of her words. „Allah, no! I meant... She thinks you are taking his attention away from women, but not in that way. That you are making him dream of anything but romantic avatures, not that you are yourself...“

„I see.“ Ibrahim said with fake thougtfulness. „And that is what our sultana genuinely thinks, not what you yourself assume, or have heard spoken about her alleged opinions from other slave girls, correct?“

„Ibrahim agha, I rarely leave her side, I’ve heard her say something along those those lines with my own two ears, multiple times!“

„But if I understand it correctly, you are revealing it to me out of your own volition, without your mistress knowing this, yes?“

Mahidevran was starting to get tangled in her own lies. „Well, I don’t suppose she would mind...“

Ibrahim raised his voice. „Oh, so you suppose?“ He leaned towards her. „If you truly need help with attracting Süleyman, all I can give you is a piece of advice. I did not strike a friendship with our şehzade by supposing or presuming what he thinks. I suggest you adopt the same attitude.“

   It was then that a not-at-all discreet cough interrupted them. To her horror, Mahidevran saw Süleyman behind her back (the whole time, she was standing in front of Ibrahim’s doorstep). „Mahidevran, what are you doing here?“

While startled Mahidevran was collecting her thoughts, Ibrahim spoke up instead. „She came here to ask me for that godforsaken turban pin on your mother’s behalf, and somehow the conversation turned towards sultana’s opinions of me.“

Süleyman furrowed his brow. „Tell mother it is my wish for Ibrahim to keep the damn thing. If she wants to dispute my decision, she should do so to my face.“

„But, şehzade!“ Ibrahim gasped with a significant undertone of mockery. „This cannot do! Ayşe Hafsa already thinks you favor me too much and that this causes you to completely forget the issue of utmost importance – harem women.“

Süleyman’s mouth opened a bit in shock. „She thinks what now?!“

Mahidevran bowed as low as she could. „Şehzade, Ibrahim is insinuating something that is not true and that I myself told him not to misunderstand sultana’s words as...“

„What did you tell him, then?!“

„Well, Ayşe Hafsa obviously does not believe you and Ibrahim... You know she would not let such a horrible thing stand... But lately you don’t seem to have much interest in women and, perhaps, this might be caused by you seeking out other sources of entertainment... Goodness, not that kind of entertainment...“

Süleyman blinked fast in annoyance. „Mahidevran, what are you talking about?! Are you lying about what other people say or think again?!“

„I don’t believe so.“ said Ibrahim, grinning mischieviously. „She does not lie, merely assume.“

Mahidevran’s eyes filled with tears. „Forgive me, şehzade! It is true that our sultana is concerned about your lack of... Apetites. But she does not think Ibrahim is at fault in any way, at least to my knowledge. I simply wanted to get him on my side by trickery, and only made a fool of myself.“

„Your side? You’d defy your sultana so, Mahidevran? You yourself said she wished for Hüsnimelek to become my concubine.“

„Perhaps I misunderstood your words, then.“

„What words?“

„You... You yourself said... I know it was merely an offhanded comment, but... You said something about a wrong concubine...“

Süleyman laughed out loud in surprise. „Goodness, you’re bad at this.“

Mahidevran started sobbing. „Indeed I am.“

Süleyman’s features softened. „Now, there’s no need to be sad. Or cause ruckus, for that matter. You’re hardly the only slave girl here full of misplaced ambition...“

Words left Mahidevran’s mouth before she could stop them. „That’s not ambition!“

„What?“ said Süleyman flatly.

„I’ve told you. I do not this because I wish to come close to the glory of your blessed mother, or because I would dream about holding a prince in my arms, or even to have an ear of the greatest ruler this empire has ever seen...“

Süleyman smiled in soft mockery of her words. „You think that is what I’ll be, Mahidevran? How do you know? You speak it with such certainty, as if you were the Cumean Sybil herself, when noone but Allah above knows what the future holds. Just you wait, I’ll end up defeated in a battle with some vicious barbarian warlord and locked in a cage like Bayezit Yildirim, and what will you say then?“

Mahidevran realized that what she needs to tell him now is simply the truth. „That cannot happen. I know this, because I know you. I may be a mere slave, but I have eyes and ears, and I saw you every day strive for greatness and show the wisdom and fortitude to achieve it... I know your drive, ambition and fire, and I would follow it even to that cage or whatever, because I adore it, not any advantages they might bring me and you.“

Süleyman looked surprised by her words. „Girl, are sure you wouldn’t be a good poet?“

Mahidevran bowed her head. „I’ve tried to put into a concise poem, my lord, but the result wasn’t worth much.“

He then turned towards Ibrahim with a look of amusement. „Well, then. That’s a lot of words you just said; I’ll need a while to think about all of them. At any rate, you should go back to your mistress. We are leaving very soon.“

   His words filled Mahidevran with anxiety. He was clearly trying to be mysterious, which could point to a wish for further relations. On the other hand, he could’ve just been having fun at the expense of a silly slave girl who thought he’d care about what she thinks of him. She sincerely wished she could discuss any of this with Hüsnimelek, but how would she even begin to explain the web of lies she tried and failed to set up, including at her friend’s expense?! However, Hüsnimelek couldn’t help but notice Mahidevran’s obvious distress, and her refusal to say anything only filled her with more concern. This in turn made Mahidevran prickly and throughout an almost two day journey a clear rift appeared between them. They didn’t have much time to think about it – on the road and just after arrival in Manisa, their duties kept them busy, and as soon as they were ready to settle into their old routines, things irrevocably changed.

   She learned only later that Süleyman discussed their encounter with Ibrahim on the way to Manisa. Süleyman confessed to her (while caressing her pregnant belly) that he had conflicted feelings about his low apetites in amorous matters previously; after all, while noone (at least if their intentions were any good) wanted him to spend all of his free time in harem, he nonetheless needed more than one heir – besides it was somewhat healthy and expected for a man of his age and vitality to parttake in this kind of thing more often and with greater enthusiasm. Otherwise one might suspect that there is something wrong with him, either a hiden illness of the body or corruption of the soul. Mahidevran herself later encountered similar problem with Mustafa, but her son lacked the self-awareness of his father and seemed satisfied with his life of sexual moderation, bordering on deprivation. While Süleyman wasn’t yet ready to share such intimate concerns with Ibrahim (who to his knowledge had no sexual experience at this point anyway), he did confess that he found most encounters with concubines rather dull and technical matters, and that his meeting with Mahidevran filled him with hope that it might be different with her. At the very least, Süleyman took of a liking to her somewhat, which is more than he could say about all of the obedient, duty-bound ladies sent into his bed by Ayşe Hafsa before Mahidevran. To Mahidevran’s surprise, Ibrahim not only supported Süleyman’s decision, but went a step further and aroused romantic fantasies in his master by expressing hope that this new girl might in time become dear enough to him to make her way to his poems. He himself allegedly used to have a few semi-romantic encouters with a lady far above his station, but that relationship had come to naught as she was married to another man and shortly before her wedding, he and said lady had a quarrel anyway. Mahidevran wondered whether Ibrahim’s feelings towards this lady might’ve influenced his advice to Süleyman in some way, but she never learned more than what Süleyman told her then – besides vague rumors surfacing years later that the aforementioned lady was in fact Şah sultan (who furiously denied it).

   At any rate, shortly after their arrival, Mahidevran was given the task of serving Süleyman and Ayşe Hafsa breakfast. The whole time, he was stealing glances at Mahidevran, untill he finally asked his mother if she considers any of her servants indespensible. Sultana cheerfully replied that none besides Daye, and was overcomed with joy when her son asked whether that includes Mahidevran. This made Mahidevran drop glass of water she was putting on a plate, earning a harsh scolding from Ayşe Hafsa – but Süleyman just laughed and requested his mother have her prepared that very night.

   And that was all it took. But as fortunate as Mahidevran knew she was, the suddenness of her luck soon overwhelmed her. Lacking any preparation for the night awaiting her and still thoroughly convinced of her own mediocrity, Mahidevran spent the entire day barely holding it together. Surely, her first halvet cannot but go poorly, and then what? At best, şehzade will never even look at her again – but there’s also the possibility of her doing something so embarassing she will be banished or punished in some other way. In her worst moments, Mahidevran even thought she might displease şehzade so much he’d order her execution; a silly thought, but spoke to her own docility, anxieties and the general disposition of all servant women. Had she let her fear go unchecked then, it would’ve become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but she managed to avert her own doom by speaking with Gülşah (of all people!). While the woman was never known for her intelligence and clarity of judgement, her point of view in this case proved to be remarkably sober. She reminded Mahidevran that she has nothing to fear but fear itself and that if she displeases şehzade, she could at least find companionship in several women from the Manisa harem who seemed to have done the same, most of them trough no fault of their own. Gülşah’s deep disinterest in the matters of the royal chamber was refreshing after a day of stewing in her own anxiety, and eased Mahidevran just enough for her to realize that everything will most certainly go more smoothly if she starts looking forward to the night instead. Surely, in a few hours, she will be kissed. She will be held. She will get an opportunity to look and touch Süleyman, as much as she wants to, the more the better. Or at least that’s how she assumed these matters work, for some reason.

   That evening, they dressed her in all white, in a rather common-looking (if certainly nice) dress, that she nonetheless chose to see as special; that silly thought helped her with anxiety too, since how could her life not change when she’s dressed in such splendor? Daye herself visited her before sending her off to Süleyman’s chambers, but she wasn’t very encouraging, just coldly instructing her on the relevant parts of the etiquette and making sure she knows about the basics of carnal matters. Mahidevran chose to not be bothered by her anyhow, focusing all of her attentions on Süleyman and the joy she’ll surely feel in his presence. Her doubts weren’t completely silenced, but their dillution sufficed to avert disaster.

   After a formal welcome, Süleyman led her to the bed. As they sat, looking into each other’s eyes in silence, Mahidevran was convinced she is going to explode if she won’t relieve at least a bit of the pressure inside of her, and so she let out a loud, nervous giggle – but then almost folded under Süleyman’s quizzical look. Luckily, he then spoke out, saving her from further embarassment. „I see your hands are shaking. Is it out of fear or joy?“

Mahidevran gave him a small smile. „What should I fear when your majesty is with me?“

Süleyman absentminded took a strand of her hair and started winding it up on one of his fingers, slowly tugging on it just enough for her to feel it, but not to the point of pain; a threatening gesture? „Said Majesty, perhaps?“

Mahidevran winced. „Have I displeased you, my şehzade?“

Süleyman smirked. „How could you? You haven’t done anything.“

„And should I?“

Süleyman gave her a somewhat bored look. „I don’t know. Say something clever.“

„Well, then all is truly lost, because I am not terribly clever.“

„I suppose that’s not completely out of the question. If I am not mistaken, you did not even know who Bayezit Yildirim was.“

Mahidevran hanged her head in shame. „No, I did not. But I asked other girls, who payed more attention at the history lessons, about him.“

„And? What did they tell you?“

„That he used to be the ruler of this grand empire when it wasn’t quite so great yet. Before even Constantinople belonged to us. They say he was a man of such immense ambition and hubris that he faced Timur the Lame, the bloodthirty ruler of Samarkand. But pride comes before the fall, and so Timur defeated him in battle, captured him and inflicted all manners of terrible humiliations on him. I don’t even know if it’s all true; to hear them tell it, it sounds more like a legend than anything.“

„Bayezit Yildirim did exist, and was indeed defeated by the terrible Timur. Whether he truly made Bayezit’s wife serve him at the table naked, whether he put Bayezit into a golden cage fashioned into a carriage and led him trough the city streets like a Roman general on a triumph, whether he used the unfortunate sultan as a footstool... That I do not know. What I do know is that us Turks need some good historian, for a civilized nation like ours cannot live off of legends.“

„Well, I suppose that’s one more thing that when sultan Selim...“ Tension, slowly leaving her beforehand, came rushing back as she realized the dangerous territory she was moving on. „Not that I’d wish for such a thing, heavens no, but death comes for us all and hopefully you will be there to take the throne after him. And when that time...“

Süleyman gave her a tired smile. „You don’t even know how often I told myself that, but alas, my father is still alive and the longer he lives, the more things I leave for the time of my ascencion. As it stands, by the time he truly leaves this Earth, it may well be I won’t have enough time myself to do everything I wish I could do.“

Mahidevran gave him a warm smile and took his hand. „That would surely be the most unfortunate not only for you, but for all of the future generations as well.“

Süleyman tugged at her hand and brought it to his lips. „Or, maybe, it would be the opposite, should my ideas turn out to be terrible.“ he said with a devilish smile before kissing her hand.

Mahidevran blushed. „I wish I could help you tell whether that is the case. Alas, I lack the expertise... Whose judgement do you trust so? Your mother‘s? That of you teachers? Or perhaps Ibrahim agha?“

Süleyman snickered. „Mine most of all.“ And planted a deep, passionate, endlessly confident kiss on Mahidevran’s lips.

   She thought the sheer bliss might kill her, or at the very least send her into a fainting spell. She thus grabbed his broad shoulders and squeezed them when he moved on from the lips to her neck. As a response to the squeezing, he wound his arms around her waist and caressed her back, slowly and gently. However, soon they moved forward, on her sides, and from them up, untill his thumbs idly caressed her small breasts. Only then did she realized the gravity of what was about to be done to her, and grew apprehensive. She was affraid that he wouldn’t allow her to pull back, but for once he did, leaving her blushing and appologetic. And so, she moved onto the bed and lied there, hoping it’ll let him do whatever he must – which turned out to be lying on top of her, unbuttoning her kaftan and more kissing, on the mouth, neck, the naked skin in the middle of her breasts, accessible trough a round hole in her dress between her clavicles and sternum. Soon, her impatiently unbuttoned her dress as well, which she then took off herself, along with the shift she wore under them. As she lied under him, blushing profusely, she decided to overcome her shame by helping him undress and touching him just like he did to her. After she took off his shirt, she reveled in the sights opened to her – kissing his broad, hairy chest and strong arms, her shyness slowly discipating as it was replaced by what she would now identify as arousal, but then was just a new, pleasant sensation coarsing trough her lower body. Still, it was quite a shock when he took off his trousers, spread her legs with one swift motion and just as uncompromisingly pushed herself inside her.

   Mahidevran didn’t remember whether she reached the climax. She remembered liking the experience overall, but perhaps she had just forgotten any unpleasantness of that night; at any rate, she certainly cherished the other two times it happened that night more, mostly because she was much more confident and relaxed during. Their subsequent encounters lit such a fire within her young body that eventually, she was becoming too much even for Süleyman, which he seemed to take in stride – better to have a woman that is overeager than overly cold, he said, because a woman’s nature is better suited to deal with overabundance of lust than with its lack. Indeed, quite a lot of women he encountered seemed to suffer with some illness, that denied them natural impulses of this kind, he said. As she grew older and more knowledgeable, Mahidevran realized that his somewhat callous approach to concubines might’ve been to blame; Mahidevran herself could do with little prompting or stimulation, since she was completely smitten with him, but other women might not. (She tried to talk about these matters with Mustafa, but whether he took her advice to heart she did not know.) Either way, Süleyman at least didn’t begrudge his lovers this supposed affliction, mostly because he himself seemed to suffer from it, though meeting Mahidevran helped him greatly.

   Still, while he enjoyed her company, he didn’t seem that attached to her and often sought out other women (which bothered her, but she could do nothing but cry to Gülşah about it), untill a smallpox epidemic hit around a year after he came to Manisa. It took little Murat and several slave girls, including Hüsnimelek, whose illness progressed so quickly Mahidevran didn’t even manage to patch up their friendship and say her final goodbyes. Süleyman thus found in her the ideal person to share his grief with; obviously, her losing a friend could not compare to the death of one’s own child, but she realized it and extended much more sympathy towards him than he did to her. And to his credit, he showed her care and understanding as well, something she’d never expect from a prince. It was only then that she gave her entire heart and soul away to him, and she didn’t manage to get it back for almost two decades.

   Mahidevran wasn’t in a mood to reminescence about those happy couple of years that followed. She recalled them often, to the point that they now seemed like a book she read a few too many times. But this much needs to be said – he loved her, for a brief period, but he nonetheless loved her. He used to write her poems, shower her with gifts and compliments, and even let her bother him with her petty complaints, sometimes, when he was in a mood. For a time, he even eshewed other concubines, though that didn’t last, even before Hürrem came to his life. Perhaps she was foolish to think that this bliss would last forever, but how could she not when even the night before his departure he looked into her eyes with such love she would, at least for a moment, almost believe herself his equal? And for that matter, how was she to know she’d be replaced so suddenly and thoroughly?

   It wasn’t of much importance in the present, anyhow. Mahidevran might have regrets about those days, but there was no denying they charted the course of her future forever, and brought her the arguably best thing in her life – Mustafa. For all of their little quarrels and cold shoulders he gave her sometimes, he truly was the love of her life (in some senses of the word), the one for whom she truly lived and should’ve done so all this time, just like Ayşe Hafsa tried to advise her all those years (though admittedly that was just what she meant, it came out sounding quite different, which is why Mahidevran never managed to listen to her). But such is life. Her old friend Ümmülgülsüm once said that in her country, they have a saying: „Everyone is a general after the battle.“ At least she knows what’s important now.

   The morning after, during breakfast, she turned towards Mustafa with a smile. „It’s such a lovely day. Do you have much work now, my lion? I thought we might go for a walk in the gardens. I want to tell you a story.“