#West 10th Window

[espinosaurusrexex]

The Trap - Introduction

Worlds Collide Collection

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader apocalypse au

summary: Welcome to the apocalypse. This is the introduction to the new world you're about to enter. Let's see what your life is like. Do me a favor and be open, and maybe there'll even be a handsome stranger to meet...

a/n: so this is heavily influenced by The 100 and Love and Monsters and I guess also Maze Runner, if it seems chaotic at times, that’s because it is. With that being said: have fun reading i’d love to hear what you think 

word count: 2.2k

warnings: grumpy/sunshine, mentions of death and misery, loneliness, dystopia, nuclear weapon and monster stuff, obnoxiously optimistic reader (give her a chance okay)

collection playlist | main masterlist | collection masterlist

May 10th 2039

Hey Book,

Here are the things that happened today:

found a new pen (that’s great because this one is running out)

watched the acid fog from the building with the tall glass roof (pretty dope if you ask me!)

went to the west border and saw new tracks

finally got the nose right on that Gordon Ramsey sketch (it’s finished, yay!)

gave Berty a makeover

The day has been pretty sweet. I’m thinking of going out tonight to watch the meteor shower. Hope I don’t die.

Anyway, see ya tomorrow!

   ~You know who :)

The notebook closed with a loud thud that made even you twitch. Your eyes went to the basketball on the shelf above the makeshift bed.

“Sorry, Berty.” The ball didn’t respond, obviously. Its plastic wig shifted slightly further over the marker eyes, making it seem all crooked and funny looking. You weren’t crazy. You just preferred not to talk to yourself. 

A look at the window told you that it had gone dark by now. The weather conditions weren’t too great for another acid fog so your plan was good to go. You grabbed your backpack and headed out to the cliffs where you had the best view. Ever since the apocalypse started, there were a lot more stars visible at night. Half the population had been wiped out with the Hydra nukes and the rest played survivor with the mutated animals roaming the earth due to the atomic bombs that had been fired on that day. 

You remembered it vividly actually: Bright beams shooting through the sky and then it rained down like hellfire. Green glowing stripes covered the horizon from where you looked down onto the city.

The world hadn’t been that great to begin with to be honest. People were suffering, water and food supplies had shifted into the negative, and don’t even get started on climate. Humans had collectively decided that their planet was going to waste anyway. So, where was the harm in a little more destruction, right?

It’s not like you or any other normal citizen had had a chance to decide on another outcome anyway. The united governments of the world had been infiltrated by an organization with fucked up values and no sense for common human decency. They didn't care that their bombs would wipe out half of the world’s population. Hell, you’d be surprised if they even considered this an argument for their ‘cons’ column. But, hey, it had one benefit after all: if this was the worst it could get, there was nothing left to lose.

You kicked open the door of the buried school bus that had become your temporary home for a while now. Temporary in the sense that there was no way of knowing what would happen or when something would attack. You tried to make them all as cozy as possible though. Berty was a big part of that attempt. The painted basketball had become a loyal companion in your ever-shifting habitats. And even though it was a pain to transport a so unfortunately shaped object, you would never dare leave it behind. 

The humid evening air hit you like a broken fan. It was springtime, but that had stopped to matter many years ago. The weather merely shifted between scorching hot days and bearable nights. Though the wintertime was making being outside a little more doable. The trees hung low over your head when you stepped past the traps you had laid out around your home. You lived at the edge of the forest, which wasn’t the most secure place of all the ones you’ve had so far, but it was a little cooler. Most of the dangerous things out there hid several miles from the tree lines anyway. 

A dark sky stretched over your head as your feet dangled off the cliff by the forest. You were munching off an old can of beans that you had found on your stroll through the cities as the bright streams of light shot through the sky. It was beautiful and thrilling. Teetering you on the edge of remembering the very day that made this whole shit show go down. The sky was lit up back then too, but it wasn’t half as beautiful as this.

You could have sat like this for hours. The meteors wouldn’t stop passing until the sun rose, but there was a danger of being tired in broad daylight in this world. You couldn’t risk strolling through the morning with half a working brain. Especially because the morning brought a routine acid fog with its sunlight. You took a look at the tactical watch on your wrist. It was 3:30 am - Probably best to head back to safety.

As you stepped through the dried ground, you hummed a song from the old record in your bus. It didn’t work great and it was broken in several places which had you always listening to a slightly messed-up remix of the actual song, but you liked it anyway. Close to the bus, however, there was rustling from the side. Your body went into surviving mode immediately. There was a routine: hide, listen, escape. Only idiots fought whatever was out there. 

So that’s what you did.

The tree you hid behind was wide enough to cover you whole, which gave you easy access to sneak your head past the trunk and see what was making the noise. It came from about 20 feet before the buried bus, but there was nothing to be seen. The rustling continued though and as you stepped forwards from your cover, you noticed that it came from underneath. Something had fallen into your trap! It was foolproof of course, but you still approached it with care, fearfully and intrigued all together as to what you had caught this time... well, it was the first time here to be perfectly honest. Even more exciting to say the least.

Your feet crunched the dried leaves beneath you as a mumbled curse reached your ears. That was weird. Last time you checked, monsters didn’t talk. You were even more surprised, however, to find a broad man tangled in the hole you had dug outside your home. Of course, a person had been stupid enough to walk into your trap. You had been so excited about something more dangerous. 

The man had not noticed you standing above the hole just yet. He was still working with the net you had splayed out beneath the fallen leaves, too busy cursing his life away in the dirty opening. You cleared your throat after a minute, though. And as amusing as the whole scene had been, the man looking up at you wiped the smirk off your face immediately. He was gorgeous. Bright blue eyes gleamed up in the moonshine, a deep frown on his face as soon as the surprise to see you had faded.

“You got caught in my trap.” You said blankly, still captured by his face. You had not seen another person in nearly a month. It was strange, to say the least. That’s why you weren’t really expecting your mouth to say anything smart.

“This is supposed to be a trap?” The brown-haired man huffed before cutting through the last rope to free him from his restraints.

“Well you can’t get out, can you?” There was a short silence in which you caught the slightest hint of disbelief in his eyes.

“If you wanted to catch a monster with that, you wouldn’t be making such snarky comments. It’s barely deep enough for them.”

Anger crept up your neck. Who was this stranger to not only fall into your - awesome - intruder trap but also criticize your work even though he was the idiot stuck in it? “Why do you think I wanted to trap monsters? Maybe my trap was for people, which, in that case, it is brilliant.”

“It’s stupid,” he grumbled. 

“Oh come on give me a little credit, I only had spare materials.”

There was the confused glare again, and you couldn’t really place it just yet.“Yeah, yeah. Trap’s great now get me out.”

“That wasn’t genuine.” Your arms crossed before your chest, but you couldn’t hide the small smile forming on your lips. This was fun.

“You know what’s gonna be genuine? My foot in your ass once I get out of here.” Oh, not so fun.

“That's not a really good way to make me help you, you know?” You were about to step away when you heard him sigh deeply beneath you. A triumphant smirk appeared on your face before you held your head over the hole again.

“Can you please help me out of this genius trap?” The Brunette was rolling his eyes, but it was good enough for you - after all, you didn’t want to make enemies just yet.

“Why of course! I love people that appreciate good handy work!”

You nodded appreciatively and reached for the net he held your way. It took a little bit to get enough momentum but then he jumped and dug his boots into the soil walls and within seconds, the stranger was pulled up from the ground. 

“Drop the bullshit.”

“What bullshit?”

Now that he was standing in front of you like that, you noticed how tall he was, and built, too. It was a wonder you had managed to pull his weight out of there now that you thought about it. He was really handsome, too. His dark hair fell into his face and his eyes were bright blue, staring down at you with a gloomy expression. It didn’t scare you, though. You were more... fascinated by him, really.

He looked at you for a second, and the gears were literally turning behind his eyes. But he caught himself quickly, shaking his head and making his way out of the forest. You weren’t ready to have him leave, though. It was rare to meet people now, and this one seemed entertaining enough.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Away.” You barely heard him over the heavy footsteps he pressed into the ground.

“You can’t go!”

That made him stop. The stranger turned around with an unfazed expression, his shoulders hanging low with annoyance, but you wouldn’t let up. “And why’s that?”

Shit, you hadn’t thought it would get this far. Your hands wrung the net as you stood there looking for an explanation. But the guy turned around with a condescending clicking of his tongue. “Wait! You haven’t told me your name.” You shuffled over to him in haste, you steps faster than his, but it was difficult to catch up to him, still.

“I don’t have to.”

“You do, actually. It’s a rule.” He stopped again, and you almost fell at the abrupt halt.

“A rule,” he repeated in disbelief, his face still unimpressed, but he was quite pretty this way.

You smiled. “Yup. You fall into my trap, you tell me your name.” To be honest, you were a little proud at how fast you had come up with the idea, but it seemed the stranger was still not impressed. He just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows at you almost amused.

“That's not a rule.”

“It’s my rule.” Was that a tiny smile creeping onto his features? You liked it - looked way better than those broody anger lines.

Then he huffed and shook his head. “Bucky.”

“Gesundheit,” you answered immediately, but that seemed to stick that annoyed look right back onto his handsome face.

“No. Bucky is my name.” Oops.

“Oh. Sorry.” You tried it out in your head, then. And it suited him quite nicely. It was a little odd but witty - just like him. 

“Whatever.” His arms untangled before his broad chest and Bucky looked ready to leave again. You didn’t want that, though.

“Would... uh.. would you like to come in?” Why were you so nervous all of a sudden? Your hands were a little sweaty, but talking to someone that actually responded felt so good...

You earned another look with that question. Really, you’d already gotten used to those in the three minutes you knew him - seemed to be his M.O. 

“What?” He wasn’t confused this time, at least you didn’t think so. It sounded more like he hadn’t heard you.

“You know... be my guest.” A bright smile spread on your lips, but Bucky wasn’t buying it, and frankly, you were running out of ideas to keep him here. Normally, people were happy to see others around here, but Bucky? He didn’t seem to like talking very much.

“Sorry, gotta go.”

Your eyes found the ground as you heard his steps distancing from you again. “Oh, ok.” You mumbled to yourself, and with a last wash of hope, you called out again. “Will I see you again?”

“No.” He was already by the tree line, now. And Bucky didn’t seem like the type of person to run back the distance in slow-mo like you had seen in those old films. 

It didn’t discourage you, though. “Okay, you know where to find me!”

“Not gonna visit you!”

“See ya soon!” You waved and bit back a triumphant smile when you heard him chuckle before he disappeared out of the woods. 

Hey, Book, It’s me again.

And, man, what a great day!

more…

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[lucywrites02]

The game of cat and spider chapter 2: Nice running into you!

Main Masterlist | The game of cat and spider Masterlist | Miguel O'hara Masterlist | AO3

Miguel O'hara x black cat! Reader (gender neutral)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

A/N: Here we are with another chapter! This bad boy *slaps the fic* can fit more than 3k words in it. This chapter is about them meeting as normal people UWU. It includes: Miguel in a compression shirt, a cat who terrorises your apartment and coffee. <3. *swings a pocket watch right in front of your eyes* "If you see any grammar mistakes... no you didn't xoxo

Have fun and let me know how you liked it!

If you want to be added to the tag list, just send me an ask :)

Series Summary: You are a criminal and he's a hero. You don't know each other's names, never seen the person behind the mask. You aren't enemies- you are supposed to be but that didn't work out quite well. You liked each other a bit too much, but your relationship was strictly…. Professional? What happens if you meet as normal people, with no masks and responsibilities in your way? What did the universe plan for you? And most importantly…. Will it last?

Miguel woke up to the silence of his apartment. The very first sun rays of that day shone through the curtains the man forgot to close last night. The golden hues embraced his tired face, making the man squeeze his eyes and groan.

The rest of his room was engulfed in darkness, just like Miguel liked it. The walls were painted the same shade of blue one could see in the clouds right before it started raining. He didn't have many things in his bedroom- just a queen sized bed covered with black satin sheets and a small nightstand table with an electric clock on it. Not even a lamp. O'hara only used this room for sleeping so he didn't have many things in there. He would only sleep in his own bed if he didn't fall asleep in his lab. Or collapsed on the couch after a long day. Some nights he didn't sleep at all. That's why he didn't see a point in decorating the place.

Miguel sat up, placing his feet on the cold wooden floor. The numbers on the clock read 6:30 AM and the man knew he wouldn't get any more sleep. He stood up, adjusting his white sleeping shirt and slowly walked to the opened window that he also forgot to close last night.

Thankfully no one would even think of breaking into his apartment since it's located on the 10th floor. He pushed the heavy grey curtains away, letting more light inside and just stood there for a while, looking at the city below him. Even though it was early in the morning he could see the crowds of people on the streets. He could hear the sound of cars speeding down the highway. Sometimes Miguel liked to make up stories about those people and their lives. Maybe the couple eating breakfast outside that little bakery just got married and decided to spend their honeymoon in Nueva York. What if that taxi driver that almost didn't stop at the red light is secretly a famous poetry writer?

Miguel knew those stories were stupid and didn't make any sense whatsoever, but it was the only thing to get his mind off of his… loneliness. It never worked because watching people living their lives and being happy only made him feel even more alone.

He ran his hands through his messy brown hair and decided that he needed a better distraction. A good jog could probably make things better. There was a park 20 minutes away from his home that he liked to visit- a secluded area on the west side right by the river. It was one of his favourite spots in this neighbourhood. Miguel didn't even bother to eat breakfast or make coffee- he just took a quick shower, put on his dark red sweatpants, black compression shirt and a hoodie that matched his pants. Ever since he became the spider-man he invested in some good noise cancelling headphones because his heightened senses couldn't handle the constant stimulation that the outside world provided. He took them with him every time he left home- as a civilian, not a hero. Miguel wasn't in the mood for music so the only thing playing through the headphones in his ears was some white noise.

He shrugged and decided that it was good enough for now. The last thing he needed were his sunglasses- he would surely get a migraine if he got out in this sun with no protection against the light. He had a favourite pair that he took everywhere with him- ordinary wayfarers with tinted glass. They looked exactly like his regular reading glasses and Miguel loved them. The man sighed heavily when he couldn't find them and put on his black baseball cap instead. He has to start putting his things in places he can find them again, but that seemed like a problem for later.

"LYLA, I'm going out. Turn on the security."

The man called, not bothering to hear the robotic response of his digital assistant and closed the door behind him. He waited for the silent 'click' to make sure LYLA did what he asked. The artificial intelligence he created was in the testing phase and he still had to supervise it. It was a simple AI- Miguel gave it his vocal command and it did the job. So far the system has been running great, but there was still something missing, Miguel just couldn't figure out what. The AI was supposed to be his assistant, but Miguel felt weird when he talked to it and expected to have an actual conversation only to be met with silence. His social skills weren't the best and he knew it was stupid to even think that way, but he really wanted this AI- his creation- to be human enough to speak with him like a normal person. He wasn't sure how he could accomplish it. Maybe he would get some good ideas after his little workout. Now that he thought of it he cringed, knowing he was so desperate for social interactions he made an AI he could talk to. Even though the system wasn't that well developed yet.

He jogged at a slower pace down the road leading to the main area of the park. The mornings were getting more chilly as the seasons were changing. The trees were still green- it would take a few more weeks for them to adapt to different weather and turn different colours- and it actually made Miguel smile a bit. He wasn't a fan of fall. It was rainy and depressing. And he knew that winter came after fall which meant spending another holiday alone. Which caused more depression, of course. But now wasn't the time to think about the future.

Miguel jogged to the secluded area of the park and started running faster. It was almost a sprint as if the velocity of his steps could make the thoughts in his head disappear. It didn't.

What did make his thoughts stop racing however, was someone's body colliding with his broad frame.

Your day couldn't have started better. That statement was purely sarcastic of course because you woke up to the sound of a ceramic pot crushing into the tiled floor of your kitchen. You immediately jumped out of your bed, forgetting about the ache in your thigh and headed to the source of all that noise. The pieces of soil and terracotta were scattered across the room and you wanted to just lay down in all that dirt and cry. Your cat however was sitting down on the highest shelf in your kitchen - meant only for your poison ivies -looking pretty pleased with herself.

"I hope it was worth it because you just lost your snack privileges." You scolded your furry companion as you cleaned the floor. You took one of the biggest mugs you had and put the remaining of your plant in it. "She won't hurt you again, I promise." You spoke to the plant and gently caressed the leaves. The mug would have to suffice until you get a new pot. After throwing out all of that dirt to the trash and mopping the floor you finally took a glance at the clock hanging on your wall and groaned. It was barely 6 AM and you were already on your feet.

Well, you couldn't go back to sleep now. You weren't tired anymore. It would help if you had something to make you busy, but there was literally nothing to do. Your dishes were washed and your laundry folded. The cat has been fed and her litter box cleaned. You always did those chores at night so that your morning would be more enjoyable. But now you were yearning for some tasks.

You pushed the white curtains in your kitchen to the side, letting the morning sun into your apartment. The sticker you put on your window created beautiful rainbow areolas on the sage green tiles on your wall. You loved mornings like this even if they started on a more chaotic note. You went through your routine like always- it was your day off so you settled on more comfortable clothes. Sweatpants and hoodie was the best combination for a lazy day. Your wound didn't hurt as much as it did last night and it made moving around easier than you thought.

You spent months making your apartment feel like home and it really did feel like it. But in moments like this- sitting on the balcony all alone and looking at the people on the streets with a deep longing for some sort of connection- you felt lonely. You had Migsy who was more than happy to keep you company, but he wasn't a human being who could give you a hug after a long day at work or kiss you goodnight. You were desperate for a genuine and meaningful human connection.

People you called friends were actually just your co-workers or people you regularly interact with at the grocery store- people who had their own family and real friends to come back to after a long day at work. You gave up on dating a long time ago and the only person who made your heart skip a beat was a guy in a red-blue latex suit whose job was to send your ass to jail. It was fun to flirt with him- especially ever since he actually started to flirt back- but you knew it wasn't…. Real. It wasn't someone who would want a relationship with you. How would that even work? You always felt more confident behind your mask. But the person you were while wearing your costume wasn't really you. It was a character you created to make your life easier and if someone liked the black cat they would be so disappointed when they realise who has been hiding behind that mask. So if the spider-man harboured any sort of affection for the black cat, he wouldn't have the same feeling for the real you. That's why you would never take this 'relationship' seriously. You liked the flirting, but that was it. Because he wouldn't…

Your thoughts were entertaining a dangerous territory and you had to find a good distraction. You couldn't stay at home- this apartment even though it was your little sanctuary, reminded you of how alone you actually were.

Hmm, since your thigh wasn't hurting too much, maybe you could go on a quick walk to your favourite bakery in the park nearby. You could get breakfast there and maybe buy some flowers for yourself on your way back. Yeah…that sounded like a plan.

You made sure to pack some things into your little backpack before you went out- just the essentials like your wallet, the keys to your apartment and a sketchbook you always took with you. You styled your hair a bit before you left to look less messy and smiled when you were satisfied with the outcome.

"I'm going out, Migsy." You gave your cat a little kiss on the forehead before you put on your headphones. "Please don't terrorise any more plants while I'm gone" Your little angel meowed at you in response which made you giggle.

You left your apartment complex and chose a fitting playlist. You picked up your pace to match the beat of the song and headed to the park. There was a path along the river on the west side that was perfect for morning walks. There was a small coffee shop around the corner that you had to stop by before you could continue your little journey. You could smell the freshly brewed beverages from a mile and you knew your day would be bad if you didn't stop by to get a drink. Coffee was like a nectar for your soul and you couldn't deprive yourself of this small happiness.

The baristas behind the counter knew you and your order very well since you were one of the regulars so they started preparing your favourite drink the moment you stepped inside. They didn't try to start a conversation with you and it only evoked a deeper feeling of loneliness. Even though you interacted with those people plenty of times you still weren't worthy enough for them to even try and make some small talk. Maybe you were overthinking the interaction too much- they did smile at you when they saw you walk in and even waved at you. But you just couldn't help yourself and had to analyse every move of their muscles to make sure they didn't secretly hate you. You left the shop as soon as they handed you your order, trying to calm down. You hated when that happened- when the anxiety overwhelmed you so much you couldn't think properly.

You didn't even notice when you entered the main area of the park, too focused on your coffee and the music playing through your headphones. And you surely didn't notice a stranger running in your direction.

"I am so sorry!" Miguel quickly apologised, ripping his headphones off his ears. "Are you okay?" He looked down at the person sitting on the ground right before him. He felt so stupid for running into you and if you paid enough attention you could see how red his cheeks have turned.

You looked up at the stranger and groaned in pain. You were thankful that the coffee wasn't hot because you would have to add burns to the list of your injuries. The drink ended up all over your clothes and you had to try your hardest not to cry in front of a stranger this handsome. Wait-

"I should have paid more attention, I am really really sorry." The man kept apologising. Miguel's face was burning with embarrassment. He felt so bad for bumping into you and he knew it probably hurt a lot- colliding with all those muscles of his surely wasn't the best experience.

"I'm good." You smiled awkwardly, readjusting your wet hoodie that stuck to your skin. Miguel gave you his hand to help you up. "It's okay, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been thinking about so many things at once..."

Miguel's brown eyes finally met your gaze and the man thought about something bizarre. Your face seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He had the feeling he had met you before, but he wasn't sure, and it was driving him crazy. However, he shook his head and pushed the thought aside. Millions of people lived in the city and it was actually very possible that he had seen you before and simply forgot about it. But if that was the case why did he feel like there was something more to you than meets the eye?

"Are you okay though?" You asked, looking down at the coffee stains on your clothes. It will be a pain in the ass to clean later.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gave you a small smile. "Are you sure you're okay? I kinda feel like you might have gotten hurt, it felt like a pretty harsh fall… and I'm sorry about the coffee, too…" He looked concerned as he looked at your face for a second, before looking elsewhere- anywhere but your eyes- as he scratched his neck.

Miguel could have sworn he has seen you before. Or maybe he didn't. But if you truly were a stranger how could he explain that weird feeling deep inside him. Or maybe you were just so pretty his brain had to somehow rationalise this foreign attraction towards you. Aaagh, he should stop making a fool of himself and stop overthinking this interaction!

"It hurts a bit, but I will be fine." You replied. The man standing before you was much taller and - you hated yourself for thinking about the person you just met that way- very very handsome. Which only made you even more embarrassed once you realise how you must have looked. "I can always get another coffee later so don't worry about that."

"I…i-i w-" The stranger stuttered, fiddling with his fingers as he spoke. He took a deep breath before he continued. "I feel bad for bumping into you. Could I maybe… make it up to you somehow?" Miguel's heart was beating against his chest like a hammer as he was stumbling on his own words. "I could buy you another coffee." He proposed and cringed, thinking he sounded desperate. "If that's fine with you, of course…."

He wasn't sure what took over him because he knew he wouldn't ever do something like that for any other person. He would probably just apologise again and run in the other direction, hoping he will never have to see that person ever again.

"I don't think I want another coffee right now" You giggled in response. "But thank you for the proposal, Mr…"

"Oh, it's Miguel." The man mumbled, giving you his hand to shake.

You introduced yourself as well and chuckled. "It was nice running into you." You joked and cringed internally. But the stranger- Miguel- actually laughed. Not giggled, laughed.

He let go of your hand to cover his mouth and cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile.

"So, you were going for a morning jog, too huh? Where were you heading, if you don't mind me asking?" The man spoke. He really wanted this little interaction to last longer.

"Yeah, I wanted to relax a bit and decided to take a walk. I was heading to the bakery down the street" You explained. "I didn't expect to be swept off my feet like that though." You felt comfortable talking with Miguel. It's as if the two of you knew each other already.

"I am really sorry about that." Miguel repeated. "If there's anything I can do to make it up to you…"

"You could give me your number" You suggested and mentally slapped yourself. You had no idea where this confidence came from and you started to get nervous. "So that you can take me ou- BUY me another coffee." You continued your mumbling and chucking awkwardly. "Because you spilled mine." Definitely not because you wanted to see him again.

Miguel smirked down at you and took out his phone. He didn't want to admit it, but he was as excited as he was nervous. The one time he decided to go out he bumped into some stranger, making them fall down, spilled that person's coffee all over them and then somehow managed to get their number? Migiel wasn't sure what he did to be this lucky, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

He handed you his phone with his number on the screen, so that you could type it into your own. You saved his contact as 'the guy who owes me a coffee'. Miguel saw that and chuckled again.

"I sent you a text so that you can have my number as well." You cleared your throat and inhaled deeply when you noticed how close the two of you were standing. "I guess I will see you around, Miguel."

"I guess you will." He saved your number in his contacts before he showed his phone into the pocket of his pants. "It was nice bumping into you. And I hope the other people will pay more attention to the road than I did." He scratched his neck and took a step back to create more space between you. "Wouldn't want you to spend any more time falling down." Miguel winked at you and slowly jogged away, not waiting for your response.

He made sure that he was out of your view before he stopped to slap his forehead. He still felt bad for running into you, but thankfully, he didn't feel any awkwardness like he did in the beginning. But for the love of God, why did he have to wink at you?

Tag list: @serpentstarr @bucketluvr @nxrdamp @strangeobsessed @atlaincorrect @rorel1a @saturnknows @onfuis @spicysleepysloth @levisbebe @ok-boke @keepitreal001

[gogandmagog]

Someone perfectly lovely, called Paul Hendricks, put together this thoughtful map of the Four Winds community. His website, where this map was obtained, is HERE. What follows below the cut are Paul’s own words, detailing how he went about putting this together this map, complete with thorough book citations and explanations of inconsistencies!

“This is the rough map I've put together, based in the clues mentioned below, which are taken from various of the Anne books. (See note on the format of the references.)

The map uses a 'browser-safe' palette, so you should see roughly the same colours that I do. The orange/brown lines are roads. The dark-green areas are woods. The light blue is, of course, the sea.

Reconstructing the setting for the four books based on Four Winds and Ingleside has proved much more difficult than for Avonlea. Beginning with the premise that Four Winds is about 60 miles from Avonlea (AHoD, ch 1, 10th page), I tried a layout based on the area around Sturgeon, Gaspereaux and Georgetown, in the south-east part of the Island. Eventually it proved impossible to put together a consistent map on this basis. What is more, I realised that there was no evidence in LMM's diaries that she had ever been to that part of the Island.

I then tried a construction based on the area around New London, as there were many similarities of detail, and the area was well known to LMM. This fits in reasonably well with the descriptions of Four Winds in AHoD. There are some difficulties and inconsistencies noted below, but alternatives (such as putting the House of Dreams and the Lighthouse on the East side of the bay) have turned out to be unworkable. I have also managed to reconstruct the area around Ingleside, on the assumption that it is in the position occupied by Clifton/New London. Given the basic framework of roads that results, the result is more convincing than I had hoped, and seems to fit in quite well with the text of AoI, RV and RoI.

House of Dreams 'looks to the sunset and has harbour before it'. Dining room looks out on the harbour (AHoD, ch 2, 4th page). Living room windows and front door look towards the lighthouse (AHoD, ch 2, 5th page). There is a brook going through the corner of the garden.

The entrance of the harbour is between a bar of sand dunes and a sandstone cliff. The fishing village is where the sand bar meets the harbour shore (AHoD, ch 5, 1st page).

It is dusk, but there is no mention of seeing the setting sun. This suggests that going from Glen St Mary towards the house they are facing north or east. This is consistent if Glen St Mary is south, and the house is on the west side of the harbour (AHoD, ch 5, 1st page).

There is a chapel on the far side of the bay. The lighthouse is to the north, as they approach the house from the Glen. The house is 2 miles from the Glen, and 1 mile from the lighthouse. Miss Cornelia's house is between the House of Dreams and the Glen (AHoD, ch 5, 2nd page).

Poplars line the lane from road to house; fir trees between house and sea (confirms that the sea is to the 'back' of the house (AHoD, ch 5, 4th page).

Leslie's house is further up the brook, 'among the willows' (AHoD, ch 6, 4th page). The lane of Leslie's house opens onto the 'upper road' (AHoD, ch 9, 2nd page). Miss Cornelia's house is half a mile from the house of dreams (AHoD, ch 6, 5th page).

'From the deceit of the McAllisters...' (AHoD, ch 6, 5th page) is a paraphrase of an actual saying referring to LMM's relations, the Simpsons, the McNeils and the Clarkes, see also page xv of introduction to volume one of selected journals. Confirms the view that the families referred to in the 'over-harbour' area are modelled on LMM's own family in Clifton, Cavendish, etc.

As Anne and Gilbert are walking towards the lighthouse, the house 'up the brook' is to their right (AHoD, ch 9, 2nd page). There is some difficulty in fitting this in with my map. We might perhaps conceive an arrangement where the house by the brook was to the right hand side of the road to the lighthouse, though the road would have to be not so close to the shore as the modern road.

The distinction (AHoD, ch 10, 1st page) between the 'harbour shore', the 'sand shore' and the 'rock shore' is consistent with New London Bay - corresponding respectively to the shore inside the bay, the shore on the north side of the bar, and the shore to the north of the lighthouse.

'North shore' presumably means 'North shore of PEI' (AHoD, ch 14, 1st page). It was this which first alerted me to the possible inconsistency with my original presumption about the location of Four Winds.

'North-western sky' (AHoD, ch 18, 1st page), implies that the lighthouse is north-west of the house of dreams.

The Fishing Cove (AHoD, ch 27, 1st page) must be on the shore by the sand bar (therefore the same place as the fishing village). Anne and Gilbert go there via the lighthouse because intending to row over to avoid the long drive round by road which would otherwise be necessary.”

— Paul Hendricks

[ex0rin]

Happy Birthday Wyatt Russell! - July 10th, 1986

22 Jump Street (2014), Black Mirror (2016), Shimmer Lake (2017), Overlord (2018), Table 19 (2017), Lodge 49 (2018/2019), Under the Banner of Heaven (2022), Woman in the Window (2021), Ingrid Goes West (2017), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

[lucywritesagain]

The game of cat and spider﹕┈・𐑺 ‧₊˚໒꒱ Part 2

꒰ა ˚₊ ✧・┈﹕Miguel O'hara Masterlist ꒰ ᐢ｡- ༝ -｡ᐢ ꒱ Navigation ﹕┈・𐑺 ‧₊˚໒꒱ PART 1

Please note that this story is a repost from my old blog @lucywrites02.

Summary: You are a criminal and he's a hero. You don't know each other's names, never seen the person behind the mask. You aren't enemies- you are supposed to be but that didn't work out quite well. You liked each other a bit too much, but your relationship was strictly…. Professional?

What happens if you meet as normal people, with no masks and responsibilities in your way? What did the universe plan for you? And most importantly…. Will it last?

A/N: Here we are with another chapter! This bad boy *slaps the fic* can fit more than 3k words in it. This chapter is about them meeting as normal people UWU It includes: Miguel in a compression shirt, a cat who terrorises your apartment and coffee. *swings a pocket watch right in front of your eyes* "If you see any grammar mistakes... no you didn't xoxo Have fun and let me know how you liked it!

Miguel woke up to the silence of his apartment. The very first sun rays of that day shone through the curtains the man forgot to close last night. The golden hues embraced his tired face, making the man squeeze his eyes and groan. The rest of his room was engulfed in darkness, just like Miguel liked it. The walls were painted the same shade of blue one could see in the clouds right before it started raining. He didn't have many things in his bedroom- just a queen sized bed covered with black satin sheets and a small nightstand table with an electric clock on it. Not even a lamp. O'hara only used this room for sleeping so he didn't have many things in there. He would only sleep in his own bed if he didn't fall asleep in his lab. Or collapsed on the couch after a long day. Some nights he didn't sleep at all. That's why he didn't see a point in decorating the place.

Miguel sat up, placing his feet on the cold wooden floor. The numbers on the clock read 6:30 AM and the man knew he wouldn't get any more sleep. He stood up, adjusting his white sleeping shirt and slowly walked to the opened window that he also forgot to close last night.

Thankfully no one would even think of breaking into his apartment since it's located on the 10th floor. He pushed the heavy grey curtains away, letting more light inside and just stood there for a while, looking at the city below him. Even though it was early in the morning he could see the crowds of people on the streets. He could hear the sound of cars speeding down the highway. Sometimes Miguel liked to make up stories about those people and their lives. Maybe the couple eating breakfast outside that little bakery just got married and decided to spend their honeymoon in Nueva York. What if that taxi driver that almost didn't stop at the red light is secretly a famous poetry writer? Miguel knew those stories were stupid and didn't make any sense whatsoever, but it was the only thing to get his mind off of his… loneliness. It never worked because watching people living their lives and being happy only made him feel even more alone.

He ran his hands through his messy brown hair and decided that he needed a better distraction. A good jog could probably make things better. There was a park 20 minutes away from his home that he liked to visit- a secluded area on the west side right by the river. It was one of his favourite spots in this neighbourhood. Miguel didn't even bother to eat breakfast or make coffee- he just took a quick shower, put on his dark red sweatpants, black compression shirt and a hoodie that matched his pants. Ever since he became the spider-man he invested in some good noise cancelling headphones because his heightened senses couldn't handle the constant stimulation that the outside world provided. He took them with him every time he left home- as a civilian, not a hero. Miguel wasn't in the mood for music so the only thing playing through the headphones in his ears was some white noise.

He shrugged and decided that it was good enough for now. The last thing he needed were his sunglasses- he would surely get a migraine if he got out in this sun with no protection against the light. He had a favourite pair that he took everywhere with him- ordinary wayfarers with tinted glass. They looked exactly like his regular reading glasses and Miguel loved them. The man sighed heavily when he couldn't find them and put on his black baseball cap instead. He has to start putting his things in places he can find them again, but that seemed like a problem for later.

"LYLA, I'm going out. Turn on the security."

The man called, not bothering to hear the robotic response of his digital assistant and closed the door behind him. He waited for the silent 'click' to make sure LYLA did what he asked. The artificial intelligence he created was in the testing phase and he still had to supervise it. It was a simple AI- Miguel gave it his vocal command and it did the job. So far the system has been running great, but there was still something missing, Miguel just couldn't figure out what. The AI was supposed to be his assistant, but Miguel felt weird when he talked to it and expected to have an actual conversation only to be met with silence. His social skills weren't the best and he knew it was stupid to even think that way, but he really wanted this AI- his creation- to be human enough to speak with him like a normal person. He wasn't sure how he could accomplish it. Maybe he would get some good ideas after his little workout. Now that he thought of it he cringed, knowing he was so desperate for social interactions he made an AI he could talk to. Even though the system wasn't that well developed yet.

He jogged at a slower pace down the road leading to the main area of the park. The mornings were getting more chilly as the seasons were changing. The trees were still green- it would take a few more weeks for them to adapt to different weather and turn different colours- and it actually made Miguel smile a bit. He wasn't a fan of fall. It was rainy and depressing. And he knew that winter came after fall which meant spending another holiday alone. Which caused more depression, of course. But now wasn't the time to think about the future.

Miguel jogged to the secluded area of the park and started running faster. It was almost a sprint as if the velocity of his steps could make the thoughts in his head disappear. It didn't.

What did make his thoughts stop racing however, was someone's body colliding with his broad frame. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Your day couldn't have started better. That statement was purely sarcastic of course because you woke up to the sound of a ceramic pot crushing into the tiled floor of your kitchen. You immediately jumped out of your bed, forgetting about the ache in your thigh and headed to the source of all that noise. The pieces of soil and terracotta were scattered across the room and you wanted to just lay down in all that dirt and cry. Your cat however was sitting down on the highest shelf in your kitchen - meant only for your poison ivies -looking pretty pleased with herself.

"I hope it was worth it because you just lost your snack privileges." You scolded your furry companion as you cleaned the floor. You took one of the biggest mugs you had and put the remaining of your plant in it. "She won't hurt you again, I promise." You spoke to the plant and gently caressed the leaves. The mug would have to suffice until you get a new pot. After throwing out all of that dirt to the trash and mopping the floor you finally took a glance at the clock hanging on your wall and groaned. It was barely 6 AM and you were already on your feet.

Well, you couldn't go back to sleep now. You weren't tired anymore. It would help if you had something to make you busy, but there was literally nothing to do. Your dishes were washed and your laundry folded. The cat has been fed and her litter box cleaned. You always did those chores at night so that your morning would be more enjoyable. But now you were yearning for some tasks.

You pushed the white curtains in your kitchen to the side, letting the morning sun into your apartment. The sticker you put on your window created beautiful rainbow areolas on the sage green tiles on your wall. You loved mornings like this even if they started on a more chaotic note. You went through your routine like always- it was your day off so you settled on more comfortable clothes. Sweatpants and hoodie was the best combination for a lazy day. Your wound didn't hurt as much as it did last night and it made moving around easier than you thought.

You spent months making your apartment feel like home and it really did feel like it. But in moments like this- sitting on the balcony all alone and looking at the people on the streets with a deep longing for some sort of connection- you felt lonely. You had Migsy who was more than happy to keep you company, but he wasn't a human being who could give you a hug after a long day at work or kiss you goodnight. You were desperate for a genuine and meaningful human connection.

People you called friends were actually just your co-workers or people you regularly interact with at the grocery store- people who had their own family and real friends to come back to after a long day at work. You gave up on dating a long time ago and the only person who made your heart skip a beat was a guy in a red-blue latex suit whose job was to send your ass to jail. It was fun to flirt with him- especially ever since he actually started to flirt back- but you knew it wasn't…. Real. It wasn't someone who would want a relationship with you. How would that even work? You always felt more confident behind your mask. But the person you were while wearing your costume wasn't really you. It was a character you created to make your life easier and if someone liked the black cat they would be so disappointed when they realise who has been hiding behind that mask. So if the spider-man harboured any sort of affection for the black cat, he wouldn't have the same feeling for the real you. That's why you would never take this 'relationship' seriously. You liked the flirting, but that was it. Because he wouldn't…

Your thoughts were entertaining a dangerous territory and you had to find a good distraction. You couldn't stay at home- this apartment even though it was your little sanctuary, reminded you of how alone you actually were.

Hmm, since your thigh wasn't hurting too much, maybe you could go on a quick walk to your favourite bakery in the park nearby. You could get breakfast there and maybe buy some flowers for yourself on your way back. Yeah…that sounded like a plan.

You made sure to pack some things into your little backpack before you went out- just the essentials like your wallet, the keys to your apartment and a sketchbook you always took with you. You styled your hair a bit before you left to look less messy and smiled when you were satisfied with the outcome.

"I'm going out, Migsy." You gave your cat a little kiss on the forehead before you put on your headphones. "Please don't terrorise any more plants while I'm gone" Your little angel meowed at you in response which made you giggle.

You left your apartment complex and chose a fitting playlist. You picked up your pace to match the beat of the song and headed to the park. There was a path along the river on the west side that was perfect for morning walks. There was a small coffee shop around the corner that you had to stop by before you could continue your little journey. You could smell the freshly brewed beverages from a mile and you knew your day would be bad if you didn't stop by to get a drink. Coffee was like a nectar for your soul and you couldn't deprive yourself of this small happiness.

The baristas behind the counter knew you and your order very well since you were one of the regulars so they started preparing your favourite drink the moment you stepped inside. They didn't try to start a conversation with you and it only evoked a deeper feeling of loneliness. Even though you interacted with those people plenty of times you still weren't worthy enough for them to even try and make some small talk. Maybe you were overthinking the interaction too much- they did smile at you when they saw you walk in and even waved at you. But you just couldn't help yourself and had to analyse every move of their muscles to make sure they didn't secretly hate you. You left the shop as soon as they handed you your order, trying to calm down. You hated when that happened- when the anxiety overwhelmed you so much you couldn't think properly.

You didn't even notice when you entered the main area of the park, too focused on your coffee and the music playing through your headphones. And you surely didn't notice a stranger running in your direction. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ "I am so sorry!" Miguel quickly apologised, ripping his headphones off his ears. "Are you okay?" He looked down at the person sitting on the ground right before him. He felt so stupid for running into you and if you paid enough attention you could see how red his cheeks have turned.

You looked up at the stranger and groaned in pain. You were thankful that the coffee wasn't hot because you would have to add burns to the list of your injuries. The drink ended up all over your clothes and you had to try your hardest not to cry in front of a stranger this handsome. Wait-

"I should have paid more attention, I am really really sorry." The man kept apologising. Miguel's face was burning with embarrassment. He felt so bad for bumping into you and he knew it probably hurt a lot- colliding with all those muscles of his surely wasn't the best experience.

"I'm good." You smiled awkwardly, readjusting your wet hoodie that stuck to your skin. Miguel gave you his hand to help you up. "It's okay, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been thinking about so many things at once..."

Miguel's brown eyes finally met your gaze and the man thought about something bizarre. Your face seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He had the feeling he had met you before, but he wasn't sure, and it was driving him crazy. However, he shook his head and pushed the thought aside. Millions of people lived in the city and it was actually very possible that he had seen you before and simply forgot about it. But if that was the case why did he feel like there was something more to you than meets the eye?

"Are you okay though?" You asked, looking down at the coffee stains on your clothes. It will be a pain in the ass to clean later.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gave you a small smile. "Are you sure you're okay? I kinda feel like you might have gotten hurt, it felt like a pretty harsh fall… and I'm sorry about the coffee, too…" He looked concerned as he looked at your face for a second, before looking elsewhere- anywhere but your eyes- as he scratched his neck.

Miguel could have sworn he has seen you before. Or maybe he didn't. But if you truly were a stranger how could he explain that weird feeling deep inside him. Or maybe you were just so pretty his brain had to somehow rationalise this foreign attraction towards you. Aaagh, he should stop making a fool of himself and stop overthinking this interaction!

"It hurts a bit, but I will be fine." You replied. The man standing before you was much taller and - you hated yourself for thinking about the person you just met that way- very very handsome. Which only made you even more embarrassed once you realise how you must have looked. "I can always get another coffee later so don't worry about that."

"I…i-i w-" The stranger stuttered, fiddling with his fingers as he spoke. He took a deep breath before he continued. "I feel bad for bumping into you. Could I maybe… make it up to you somehow?" Miguel's heart was beating against his chest like a hammer as he was stumbling on his own words. "I could buy you another coffee." He proposed and cringed, thinking he sounded desperate. "If that's fine with you, of course…."

He wasn't sure what took over him because he knew he wouldn't ever do something like that for any other person. He would probably just apologise again and run in the other direction, hoping he will never have to see that person ever again.

"I don't think I want another coffee right now" You giggled in response. "But thank you for the proposal, Mr…"

"Oh, it's Miguel." The man mumbled, giving you his hand to shake.

You introduced yourself as well and chuckled. "It was nice running into you." You joked and cringed internally. But the stranger- Miguel- actually laughed. Not giggled, laughed. He let go of your hand to cover his mouth and cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile.

"So, you were going for a morning jog, too huh? Where were you heading, if you don't mind me asking?" The man spoke. He really wanted this little interaction to last longer.

"Yeah, I wanted to relax a bit and decided to take a walk. I was heading to the bakery down the street" You explained. "I didn't expect to be swept off my feet like that though." You felt comfortable talking with Miguel. It's as if the two of you knew each other already.

"I am really sorry about that." Miguel repeated. "If there's anything I can do to make it up to you…"

"You could give me your number" You suggested and mentally slapped yourself. You had no idea where this confidence came from and you started to get nervous. "So that you can take me ou- BUY me another coffee." You continued your mumbling and chucking awkwardly. "Because you spilled mine." Definitely not because you wanted to see him again.

Miguel smirked down at you and took out his phone. He didn't want to admit it, but he was as excited as he was nervous. The one time he decided to go out he bumped into some stranger, making them fall down, spilled that person's coffee all over them and then somehow managed to get their number? Migiel wasn't sure what he did to be this lucky, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

He handed you his phone with his number on the screen, so that you could type it into your own. You saved his contact as 'the guy who owes me a coffee'. Miguel saw that and chuckled again.

"I sent you a text so that you can have my number as well." You cleared your throat and inhaled deeply when you noticed how close the two of you were standing. "I guess I will see you around, Miguel."

"I guess you will." He saved your number in his contacts before he showed his phone into the pocket of his pants. "It was nice bumping into you. And I hope the other people will pay more attention to the road than I did." He scratched his neck and took a step back to create more space between you. "Wouldn't want you to spend any more time falling down." Miguel winked at you and slowly jogged away, not waiting for your response.

He made sure that he was out of your view before he stopped to slap his forehead. He still felt bad for running into you, but thankfully he didn't feel any awkwardness like he did in the beginning. But for the love of God, why did he have to wink at you?

[misfortunelady69]

Betrayal

Summary: Amelie decided to confront Loki after discovering that their relationship was a bet.

Characters: Loki X Oc x Platonic Deadpool.

"Loki," she said, her tone icy. "Explain."

He turned, surprise flickering across his features. "Amelie, I—"

"No," she interrupted. "Save your lies. I thought we had something real."

"It was never real," he admitted, his gaze unapologetic. "Just a dalliance, a diversion. A fellow trickster," Loki said. "We made a wager. She bet that I couldn't make you fall for me, and I accepted."

"Why?" Amelie's voice cracked. "Why play with my heart?"

"Because," he said, "sometimes gods grow bored. Mortals are our playthings."

She clenched her fists. "You're despicable."

He leaned in, his breath brushing her cheek. "Oh, darling, you were never enough. Mortals are fleeting, forgettable."

Amelie's rage surged. "And what about your precious blonde? Was she just another wager?"

Loki's eyes glinted. "You are nothing compared to her."

Her voice trembled. "I loved you."

He laughed, cruel and cold. "Love? A mortal delusion."

Amelie stepped back, her vision blurred by tears. But she wouldn't crumble—not here, not now. She straightened her spine. "Enjoy your games, Loki. And enjoy your lonely and miserable life too."

With that, she turned away, her heels clicking defiantly. The Avengers watched, curious and concerned. But she didn't stop until she reached the tower's exit.

Outside, the night air slapped her face. She hailed a cab, her heart raw. "Wade's place," she told the driver. "And step on it."

The taxi driver raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled. "Wade's place? Who the fuck is Wade?"

"You know, my friend! Everyone knows him!"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Lady, this city is huge. Your friend could be anyone. Got an address?"

She sighed, frustration creeping into her voice. "Well, he lives in that building with the red shutters."

The driver rolled his eyes. "Oh, great, the one with the red shutters. That narrows it down to... a thousand places. Anything else?"

"Uh, he has a dog named Dogpool?" she added, her tone almost pleading.

"Yeah, I'm sure Dogpool will be waving us in," he said, smirking. "Seriously, I need an address."

She huffed, finally relenting. "Fine, fine, it's 123 West 10th Street."

He nodded, starting the meter. "Now we're getting somewhere. Sit tight, your friend's house, here we come."

_______________________Წ_________________________

Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool, lived in a neon-infested apartment. When Amelie burst through the door, he was juggling knives. "Hey, sugar plum!" he greeted. "What's the emergency?"

Amelie's voice cracked. "Loki. Betrayal. Heartbreak."

Wade twirled a knife. "Ah, the classics. Want revenge? I've got a list."

"No," she said. "I want distraction."

He grinned. "Distraction it is! Let's watch '80s rom-coms and eat pizza."

And so, in the glow of Wade's lava lamp, they dissected Loki's flaws. "His hair's too shiny," Wade declared. "Suspiciously shiny."

Amelie giggled. "And his speeches? Overrated."

They invented a game: "Spot the God." Every time Loki monologued, they took a shot. By the third movie, they were tipsy and giddy.

"Amelie," Wade slurred, "you're better off without him."

She leaned against the couch. "But I loved him."

Wade hiccupped. "Love's a bitch. But so is Loki."

They toasted to resilience, to broken hearts, and to the absurdity of it all. And as the credits rolled, Amelie realized something: Maybe gods weren't worth her tears.

She stumbled to the window, the city lights a blur. "Wade," she said, "what if I become a hero?"

He snorted. "You? With a cape?"

"Why not?" She grinned. "I'll call myself 'Heartbreak Avenger.'"

Wade clapped. "Perfect! Your superpower: turning betrayal into sass."

[lord-dios-rose]

Solaran Aja: The Festival Of Sun Conqueror Kars (Pop Culture Paganism) JJBA

Name Meaning: Sun Aja (a latin reference to the key to him becoming his ultimate form)

Date Celebrated: On August 10th

Who It Celebrates: Kars

Symbolism: Sun images, red stones (garnet, ruby, or even faceted red glass if you cant afford the previous), the Stone Mask, feathers, sunrises, etc

Colors: Red, Gold, Yellow, Blue

Plants & Herbs: Sunflowers, Morning Glories (blue or purple are best), Carnations, Cinnamon, rosemary, and honeysuckle

Crystals: Garnet, Red Spinel, Ruby, Pyrite, Sunstone, Serpentine, and Citrine

Magic Types: Confidence, Cleansing, Transformation, Success, Overcoming obstacles, seductive glamours for gaining influence over people and situations

Ways To Celebrate:

-Eat roasted and salted sunflower seeds

-Wear your hair down

-Wear gold jewelry to connect to solar powers

-Write poetry praising Kars for his accomplishments

-Work with the elements of fire and air in spell work or meditation

-Do one thing to be a reliable leader at work or in your social life

-Bake corn bread

-Buy sunflowers and put them in vases all around your house

-Write a list of success you’ve had in your life and reflect on what got you that success

-play combat style video games (even better if they include a flying aspect)

-Detox from your phone and electronics as much as possible to honor Kars

-Wake up early and draw or take pictures of the sky at sunrise

-Journal on the things in life you’d like to overcome and place a red stone on them like garnet and place them in your sunlit window (make sure its a stone like garnet that doesn’t fade)

-Do all your spells by first facing east and end them by turning to face west (The sun rises in the east and sets in the west

-Be flamboyantly confident

-Do glamour spells to boost your charisma

-Anoint yourself with rosemary essential oil mixed with a carrier oil

This is a celebration I created for Lord Kars but feel free to celebrate it your own unique ways! Get creative ✨🥹 lmk if you like these sorts of posts.

[abuddyforeveryseason]

This is the Buddy for March 10th. There's a lot of smoke there. At first I was toying with making the image even taller, like ten times the size, so that most of it was covered in smoke, but decided to go with this one. A real coin toss, really.

On an unrelated point, I heard about Akira Toriyama's death yesterday. Pretty sad, considering he was still comparatively young (68) and active. I was a huge Chrono Trigger fan when I was young, and I've played that game through the end several times. Best RPG of its generation.

I also liked Dragon Ball, although not as much, and that love kind of diminshed with age. Still, I've got a lot of nostalgia for the Z era sagas, with Freeza and Cell. And I read the manga, the early years with kid Goku were pretty interesting, too.

Unfortunately, after the Boo saga the franchise kind of went off-rails. Wasn't into the anime-only GT series, not to mention the games or the disastrous movie. The Super series wasn't as bad, but still doesn't compare to the original.

Still, I have real fond memories of the story. It's an interesting and unique story - or at least it would be if it wasn't so incredibly popular it became ingrained into everyone's mind and imitated to such an extent. I'm reading Osamu Tezuka's Boku no Son Goku, which was also inspired by Journey to the West, and this time I can say Tezuka's work wasn't the superior adaptation. Of course, you have to consider the context...

It's hard to explain a lot about Dragon Ball, especially to people who aren't fans. It started out as a comedic parody of a XVIth century novel, but then it turned into a martial arts story, and then it became serious? And the main character grew up, dozens of minor characters piled up in the background... and all of that before the twist that started the story I'm familiar with - Goku's an alien?

Toriyama's art made the story a lot more pleasant, too. The design of vehicles, aliens, monsters and robots was top notch, and what made me enjoy the story much more than the fight scenes and associated cliches. Another interesting thing was Toriyama's use of twists which led the stories into a different direction when compared to other shonen manga, which often adhered religiously to the build-up to stronger enemies in sucession.

But that's also where the story issues lie. The first is the bloated cast of characters being humiliated so Goku could steal the spotlight. The biggest victim there is Yamcha, but, really, everyone who was beaten by Goku then turned good was kind of cannon fodder. That started as a twist, too - so this evil guy Goku had so much trouble with got beaten so easily by the new villain? Damn. And since new villains kept being introduced, each one being so much stronger than the last, it was hard to make sense of how strong the characters were (and any realism was already out the window thanks to all the plot devices keeping the characters alive and strong enough to fight).

It's funny by the end of the story - or even, by the end of the kid Goku era already - the dragon balls were also relegated to the background. I don't like a lot of the cliches of the series, the plot devices used to make characters stronger with no interesting consequences, the convoluted use of elements of past stories, annoying character behaviors... but, still, you have to respect a guy who managed to start out with such a weird little comedy with its goofy looking vehicles and talking dinosaurs, and turn it into a behemoth so popular, people can have such strong feelings about it.

RIP, Akira Toriyama.

[masochistartt]

i don’t follow football what happened with chelsea?

okay strap in bc this chelsea season has been. definitely. Something!!

let's start with last season as a little catch up. chelsea (one of the 6 biggest clubs in the premier league) finished twelfth on the table (out of 20). it was their first season under new ownership, and they went through four (4) managers in the 38-game season. finishing in twelfth made it the club's lowest season since 1993-94, where they finished 14th. because of their 12th place finish, this (23/24, current season) is the first season since 2016-17 that they didn't compete in europe (champions league, europa league, europa conference league).

so. not a great year for the boys in blue.

this summer. chelsea spent ~£435 million on new players. that's the most a single club has ever spent during a single transfer window in premier league history. these transfers included moises caicedo (a defensive midfielder from brighton for £100 million (plus bonuses)), nicolas jackson (a striker from villarreal for £32 million), christopher nkunku (a striker from rb leipzig for £52 million), and cole palmer (an attacking midfielder from manchester city for £40 million plus bonuses) (more on this later.)

transfers out included césar azpilicueta, a defender who was their captain since 2019 (who lead them to winning the champions league in 2021), mateo kovačić, mason mount, kai havertz, and christian pulisic (all champions league winners, all played in the final in 2021, havertz scoring the only goal in the game)

these new transfers in are all young. of the 12 new signings, two were born in 1997 one was born in 1998 and one was born in 1999, but the rest are 2000s babies (2 in '01, 1 in '02, 4 in '04, and 1 in '05). so there's a severe lack of experience on this team (ben chilwell is 27, raheem sterling is 29, and thiago silva is 39 – 12 of their 29 players are u21). the average age on the team is 23 (their goalies are the oldest at 27 on average, defenders at 24, midfielders at 21, and forwards at 22).

because azpilicueta left the club, you need a new captain. they found theirs in chelsea academy boy reece james, a 24-year-old defender. his vice captains are ben chilwell, the 27-year-old left back signed from leicester city in 2020, conor gallagher, a 24-year-old central midfielder also from chelsea's academy, and thiago silva, the 39-year-old signed from psg in 2020.

and because of the managerial disasters of last season, they need a new manager. they bring on mauricio pochettino, former manager of spurs and psg (where he lead the team to the ligue 1 title).

welcome to chelsea. let's start the season.

their first match was at home against liverpool. liverpool scored first, in the 18th minute, but chelsea tied it up before the half, the first goal from new signee axel disasi. the second half is mostly uneventful, but oops, captain reece james has to be substituted off with a hamstring injury. he is now out until october (it is august).

their next match is away against west ham. ben chilwell takes the captain's armband. it's the 7th minute. west ham scores. chelsea pulls one back in the 28th minute, 1 all. west ham picks up three yellow cards in the first half. in the second half, west ham scores again. then, the hammers go down a man for a second yellow card, chelsea is now playing 11 against 10. they cannot turn it around. not only do they not turn it around, they concede another goal. chelsea loses 3-1. it is week 2 of the premier league season, and chelsea is fifteenth on the table.

they beat newly promoted luton town week 3 and rise to 10th place.

meanwhile, chelsea is competing in the league cup. that's going well so far - a 2-1 win against fourth tier afc wimbledon (phil dunster's team!) in august right after beating luton town - maybe things are turning around! (things are not turning around.)

then they face a loss, a draw, and another loss to nottingham forest, bournemouth, and aston villa (a game in which malo gusto picks up a straight red card and is now unable to play the next few games).

let's... let's check in on the league cup. we need something good for these boys after this hell they've faced in september. they've drawn fellow premiership club brighton & hove albion at home in the third round. they win! 1-0, thanks to a goal in the 50th minute from new signee nicolas jackson. but in the 7th minute of stoppage time at the end of the game, ben chilwell (their captain, with reece james still out injured), is fouled and has to come off with a hamstring injury. but also oops, chelsea's already used all their substitution windows - they have to finish the game with 10 men. luckily, they see it out and move on to the next round.

reece james is still injured. ben chilwell is now injured. conor gallagher, time to step up.

happy october, chelsea. their first two premier league draws of the month are against fulham (who finished 10th on the table in 22/23) and newly promoted burnley. chelsea win both. they are 11th on the table after both results. and! reece james is back! they draw 2-2 at home against arsenal, and rise to 10th on the table. their last match in october is against brentford, who finished 9th on the table last season, and were 13th going into this match. they lose 0-2.

november starts big with a league cup win against championship side blackburn and a 1-4 win at tottenham (all four goals are scored by new signees - a penalty from cole palmer, and a hat trick from nicolas jackson) after the win against tottenham, they are taking slutty, slutty locker room pictures.

let's pause here to talk about fouls, yeah? chelsea has not gone a single game this season without picking up a booking. 1 is the minimum so far, against brentford, 2 against luton, and the rest have had 3+. they have been booked with 35 yellow cards and one red card as of week eleven of the premier league season.

november ends with a draw against manchester city (10th on the table, 22 points, 5 more yellow cards), a loss to newcastle (10th on the table, 22 points, 5 yellow cards & a 6th that becomes a red card for reece james).

december - a win against brighton (10th on the table, 25 points, 4 yellow cards & a 5th that becomes a red card for conor gallagher before halftime) and then two losses in a row (a 2-1 loss at manchester united - chelsea's first league game of the season without a booking. cole palmer scores the only goal - and then a 2-0 loss at everton that drops them to 12th on the table, 2 more bookings. reece james is injured again and has to get surgery for his hamstring). they win against newly promoted, bottom of the table sheffield united (with another booking), and return to tenth on the table.

league cup break! they draw newcastle united 1-1 in the quarterfinals. the game goes to penalties. chelsea wins 4-2 on penalties. four more yellow cards are picked up in this game. chelsea moves on to play middlesbrough in the two-legged semifinals in january. we'll return to this.

back to the prem.

on christmas eve, they play away at wolves and lose 2-1. christopher nkunku scores in the 96th minute. chelsea picks up 6 more yellow cards.

they end 2023 and start 2024 on a three game winning streak (against crystal palace, luton town, and fulham). in these three games, they pick up 3, 2, and 5 yellow cards. after the win against fulham, they raise to 9th on the table, the highest they've been all season.

they lose spectacularly to liverpool to end january, 4-1, picking up 4 yellow cards in the process. this drops them back to 10th on the table.

meanwhile, they've played both legs of that league cup semifinal i mentioned, winning 6-2 on aggregate. chelsea's going to the final! maybe they will win a trophy this season! who're they playing in that final at the end of february? oh. oh, it's liverpool? okay.

the fa cup's going on now too ! they beat championship side preston north end 4-0, and then draw aston villa 0-0 at home - this will go to a replay the first week of february. only one yellow card across these two games, well done, chelsea.

first they've got a prem match to play against wolves. they allow wolves player matheus cunha to score a hat trick on them. oops. final result 2-4, 3 more yellow cards, 11th on the table with a goal difference of -1 (they've let 1 more goal past them than they've scored all season).

i know what you're saying. chelsea needs a good run here. and they get it! after losing to wolves, they don't lose another premier league game until today, april 23. we will get back to this. they win against crystal palace, newcastle united, manchester united, and everton (the everton game, they win 6-0. we will get back to this.) they draw against manchester city, brentford, and sheffield united (you know, the bottom of the table team who has no chance of staying in the prem next year).

they also win their fa cup ties against aston villa (replay) and championship sides leeds united and leicester city. they face manchester city in the semi finals. they lose. they also lose that league cup final to liverpool. a trophyless season for chelsea. they also still haven't figured out that premier league yellow card problem.

so let's talk about The Everton Game. cole palmer scored his second hat trick in two games and this one's brilliant. seriously watch the highlights it's amazing. chelsea is awarded a penalty in the 64th minute. all hell breaks loose on that pitch, roy kent vs jamie tartt style. here's a clip. for context, madueke was the one fouled for the penalty, palmer is the designated penalty taker. pochettino clearly hadn't made that clear to his players. you cannot fight on the pitch like that. you. you just.... you can't do that. palmer takes the penalty, his fourth goal of the night, he is in the golden boot (top scorer in the league) race.

what happened today, then? chelsea gets absolutely spanked 5-0 at arsenal. palmer was not playing today - he's sick. kai havertz who left chelsea for arsenal this summer scored 2. here's a sign a child held up in the crowd today. they're currently 9th on the table after 32 of 38 games have been played. the state of the club is a disaster. i'm genuinely intrigued to see what happens next year because.....it can't go on like this.

cole palmer leads the club in goals, assists, chances created, shots per game, key passes, through balls per game, xg, motm awards, & penalties.

thiago silva is leaving this summer.

nothing else is known. chelsea goes to aston villa on saturday. the league continues.

[hclib]

Fairview Hospital

Thanks to the possible merger with Sanford Health, M Health Fairview has been much in the news lately. The original Fairview hospital made the news during this same season in 1916 for a much different reason. Its grand opening!

On January 30, 1916, the 90- (soon to be 150-) bed Fairview Hospital opened at 2316 6th St. S. Run by the United Church Hospital Association (a Lutheran hospital group), Fairview boasted many state-of-the-art features. Each room had two windows, x-ray images could be taken in 1/10th of a second, and a Byzantine-style rooftop solarium provided fresh air and Mississippi River views. Not to be outdone, the nursery even featured a "wholesale baby washer."

Though much has changed over the years, the facade of the original building can still be made out at the M Health Fairview University of Minnesota Medical Center's West Bank campus.

[missmcspooks]

THEY WENT ON 3: THE MURDER OF SKYLAR NEESE

In the summer of 2012, a sixteen-year-old girl would sneak out of her home for a night of fun with her two best friends. What she didn’t know was, those two friends had their own sinister plans in store for the evening. Teenage girls tend to fear being betrayed by the ones they hold closest to them… but being killed by them isn’t something that’s normally in the back of their minds.  

Skylar Annette Neese was born on February 10th, 1996, and lived in Star City, West Virginia. She and her two best friends Sheila Rae Eddy, and Rachel Shoaf attended University High School together. Skylar was the only child to Mary and David Neese, and her parents absolutely adored their daughter. Skylar was a good and well-behaved kid, and never really got in trouble at school, and did very well academically. She had dreams of becoming a criminal defense lawyer, and worked at Wendy’s along with her two best friends. Skylar was very well-liked by her classmates and her co-workers, and was just a very friendly girl with a zest for life.

TENSION AMONG THE TRIO

The girls were known to their peers to be pretty much inseparable, and both Sheila and Rachel were close to the Neese family as well. Sheila especially was very close to Skylar's parents, as they have known each other since the second grade, and were practically sisters. However, friends of the girls mentioned that the few months leading up to Skylar’s disappearance, there had been a lot of tension within the group. Skylar felt like she was slowly being pushed away, while the other two got closer and closer. She started to feel like an outcast, and unwanted by them. They would hang out often without asking her, they’d come to school wearing matching outfits, she would always be pushed off to the back whenever they took photos together, etc. It’s speculated amongst their peers that Rachel and Sheila were having an intimate relationship, and some people believe that Skylar knew about this and they were afraid of their secret getting out and that’s why they killed her. However, neither of the girls ever claimed this to be true, and the one and only reason they gave for this extremely senseless murder was… they just didn’t like her anymore, and no longer wanted to be her friends.

SKYLAR IS MISSING

On the morning of July 6th, 2012, David and Mary get up to go to work, but they don’t see Skylar. Assuming she was still asleep, they left her alone and left for work. David came home around 2PM and still didn’t see Skylar anywhere, and went to her room to check on her. Her bedroom door was closed, which usually meant that she was sleeping, but considering it’s 2PM, he decided to knock on her door. There was no answer. He opened her door, but she wasn’t there. He didn’t recall her saying that she was supposed to be anywhere, so he tried calling her, but she didn’t pick up. David then calls his wife to ask her if she knew where Skylar was, but she has no idea. David then calls Sheila, hoping she knows where Skylar is, but she claims that she has no idea where Skylar is, and that the two of them talked briefly the night before, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. After he got off the phone with Sheila, he went back into her room to investigate a bit, and opened up her closet where he found the screen to her window. He then walked over to her window, noticed it was open, and looked outside, where he noticed a small bench right under her window. That’s where things really start to click: Skylar must’ve snuck out. However, he started putting more clues together and began to question things. Why wasn’t the screen put back onto her window? Why wasn’t the bench moved back to where it was supposed to be? That’s when it dawned on him… Skylar never came back home. He and his wife didn’t want to start panicking too much yet, as they were hoping that they’d hear from her very soon, but when Wendy’s called him asking where Skylar was, claiming that she never made it into work, that’s when they knew something was truly wrong and the police were contacted.

Later that day, Mary gets a phone call from Sheila asking if Skylar ever returned home yet. When Mary told her no, that’s when Sheila decided to tell Mary the truth, or at least part of the truth. Sheila told Mary that she was actually with Skylar last night, along with Rachel. She stated that the three of them would sneak out together quite often to go hangout and smoke weed, and she explained that they would never pick each other up in front of their houses in order to avoid detection. They’d sneak out, walk a block or two, text each other to get picked up, then they’d get dropped off the same way. She told Mary that they dropped Skylar off a block or two away from her home and then drove off, so they never actually saw if she made it home or not. After the phone call, Mary called the police and updated them with the new information, and then she and David met up with Sheila and her mother and began their own little search party.

Mary remembered that there's a security camera located on the outside of their apartment building and contacted the security manager to get the CCTV footage. In this footage they notice a generic looking car across the street from the complex, and they see Skylar running towards the car, opening the door to the backseat, and jumping inside before the car takes off. This doesn’t make much sense since Sheila and Rachel claimed to have picked her up and dropped her off a block or two away from the complex, but at the same time they felt very relieved, since this showed that she went willingly, and wasn’t abducted against her will. This footage gave the parents hope that she was coming back to them. The police tried to get information about the car, but the footage was so poor, they couldn’t really get any further details.

CONFESSION & THE MURDER PLOT

On December 12th, 2012, just six days after Skylar went missing, another 9-1-1 call was made, this time from Rachel Shoaf’s mother. Rachel was having a severe mental breakdown and becoming very violent. She was acting out, punching the walls, punching her family members, screaming, and was totally out of control. Her mother called the police and explained that her teenage daughter was on a rampage, and was even given a black-eye during the 9-1-1 call. When the police arrived she was taken to a psychiatric hospital. Once she was released from the hospital in March, she went straight to the police department and told the police that she really needed to tell them about what really happened to Skylar that night. Rachel’s conscience truly couldn’t handle the secrets and the lies anymore.

This is the story the exact way it was told by Rachel: On July 5th, Skylar came home from her night shift at Wendy’s, and starts receiving texts from both Sheila and Rachel, asking her if she wants to sneak out with them later that night. Skylar rejects their invitation at first, simply because she’s angry and really hurt by them for ignoring her so much lately, and rejecting their request was going to be her way of letting them know how she was hurting. However, a few hours later she decided to actually sneak out and go have fun with her friends. Just after midnight around 12:30AM, Skylar gets ready, sneaks outside her window and waits for the girls to pick her up. That’s when the unknown car from the CCTV footage showed up, where Skylar jumped in willingly and took off. This car turned out to be Sheila’s car. They drove 45 minutes away on U.S. Route 19, towards Blacksville, and arrived just over the Pennsylvania state border. They parked the car and walked past this clearing on the right which led to a hill, where the girls would often sit and smoke and enjoy the night. The girls were all sitting next to each other, not facing each other, when Sheila pulls out the marijuana joint and goes to light it when she realizes she doesn’t have a lighter. Sheila asks the girls if they have a lighter and they both said no, and then Sheila tells Skylar that the lighter is in the car and asks her if she can go retrieve it for them since she’s closest to the car. When Skylar got up to go to the car, she turned her back to the girls, and that’s when both Sheila and Rachel leaped up, yelled out, “one, two, three!” and started stabbing Skylar in the back with knives. Skylar was terrified and immediately started to run away, but she was stabbed so badly she wasn’t fast enough. The girls tackled her to the ground, pinned her on her back, and started to take turns stabbing her. Skylar tried to fight them off but eventually she got so tired and just gave up. They continued to stab her in her neck and chest, all while she’s asking them why they’re doing this to her. They never answered her, and just continued with their brutal attack. Eventually, Rachel stops stabbing her, and kind of just looks down in shock about what they just did. Sheila on the other hand doesn’t stop, and keeps on with the brutal attack until, “her neck stopped making gurgling sounds.”

When Skylar was clearly dead, Sheila got off the ground and the two went to the car, opened up the trunk, and retrieved their kill kit. They had shovels, rags, bleach, and trash bags. They planned on burying her body, but the ground was too hard, so they ultimately ended up just dumping her body near the side of the road and covered it with dirt, leaves, boulders, and branches. They cleaned all the blood off of themselves and their weapons, put everything back in the trunk, and they left. This horrific plan was in the making for months.

SENTENCING

On May 1st, 2013, Rachel took a plea deal and plead guilty to the murder in the second degree by “unlawfully, feloniously, willfully, maliciously, and intentionally causing the death of Skylar Neese by stabbing her and causing fatal injuries.” She was tried as an adult and received a 30 year sentence, and eligible for parole in 10 years (2023). She showed a lot of remorse and even gave an apology to Skylar’s family, her own family, everyone who loved Skylar, and God during the trial.

Here is the video to Sheila’s sentencing hearing. Here you will see her give her apology speech, along with the victim impact statements from Skylar’s family members.

Sheila plead guilty to first degree murder and received a life sentence “with mercy,” meaning she’s eligible for parole in 15 years (2028), but most likely won’t get it. She showed absolutely no remorse, and was seen smiling, laughing, and snickering throughout the whole trial.

Rachel’s parole hearing is on May 1st, 2023.

SHEILA’S TWEETS…

Sheila pretended to be mourning over the death of her best friend, Skylar Neese, all over twitter.

But when she realized she was actually going down for the murder, she posted this: 

[salantami]

Notre Dame de Paris Rose window

A rose window, also called a wheel window, was prominent in Gothic architecture. A decorated circular window, rose windows were often glazed with stained glass. Scattered examples of decorated circular windows existed in the Romanesque period (as at Santa Maria church in Pomposa, Italy, 10th century). Only toward the middle of the 12th century, however, did the idea appear of making a rich decorative motif out of a round window. At this time the simple rose window became a distinguishing characteristic of many transitional and early Gothic churches. It was used mainly at the west end of the nave and the ends of the transepts. The introduction of developed bar tracery in the 13th century made the design even more popular.

The major examples of this High Gothic rose window type are largely French, in which the rose window achieved its greatest medieval popularity. Those of the cathedrals of Reims, Amiens, and Notre-Dame at Paris, France—all of the 13th century—are particularly noteworthy.

[latestjobalert]

Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024 Officially Released, Check Merit List and Cutoff

Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024: The Tamil Nadu Postal GDS Result 2024 has been officially released, and candidates can now check the merit list and cutoff details online. If you have applied for the Gramin Dak Sevak (GDS) posts, this is your chance to check if you have made it to the first merit list. The results are available on the official India Post website, and they include the registration number of the candidates, marks obtained, division, name of the post, and other essential details. The merit list is released on a circle-wise basis, so make sure to check according to your specified state circle.

India Post Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024

The much-awaited India Post Tamil Nadu GDS Recruitment 2024 has a huge number of vacancies in various postal circles including Tamil Nadu. The selection process is based on the marks obtained in class 10th, and the selected candidates will now proceed to the stages of document verification and medical examination. Important Dates The recruitment process for India Post Tamil Nadu GDS began with the release of notification and online registration on 15th July 2024. The application window was open till 5th August 2024, and the much-awaited merit list was released on 19th August 2024. These dates are important for candidates to track their application status and prepare for the next steps in the selection process. ActivityImportant DatesNotification Release Date15 July 2024Online Registration Starts15 July 2024India Post GDS 2024 Last Date5 August 2024India Postal Department GDS Merit List Released19 August 2024India Post GDS West Bengal Document Verification Deadline03.09.2024

India Post Tamil Nadu GDS Vacancy 2024

Tamil Nadu Postal Circle has announced a total of 3,798 vacancies for GDS recruitment in 2024. These vacancies are spread across various categories and locations within the Tamil Nadu region, providing ample opportunities for candidates to secure a position in the postal department. Name of the PostNumber of VacanciesTamil Nadu Postal Circle Gramin Dak Sevak (GDS)3,798 vacancies GDS Recruitment 2024 Vacancy Category and Circle-wise Details Circle NameLanguage NameUROBCSCSTEWSPWD-APWD-BPWD-CPWD-DETotalTamil NaduTamil179486162137358264240103789 For those who have made it to the first merit list, the next step is document verification followed by a medical examination. Candidates are advised to keep all the required documents ready and stay updated with further announcements from India Post regarding the recruitment process. 1st Merit List of India Post Tamil Nadu Gramin Dak Sevak (GDS) Result 2024: The first merit list for India Post Tamil Nadu Gramin Dak Sevak (GDS) Result 2024 has been officially released, providing an important update for candidates who have applied for GDS posts. This merit list is created based on the marks obtained in class 10th and is an important milestone in the selection process. Candidates can now check their status on the official India Post GDS portal. The list includes details such as registration number, marks obtained, and document verification requirements. With a total of 3,798 vacancies, this merit list is the first step towards securing a position in the Tamil Nadu Postal Circle. For those shortlisted, it is necessary to prepare for the next steps including document verification. Make sure to download the merit list and follow the instructions for the subsequent process.

Tamil Nadu GDS 2024 Important Links

EventsImportant LinksIndia Post WP GDS Result 2024Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024 1st Merit List Here | PDFApplyIndia Post GDS Recruitment Apply OnlineVacancyIndian Post 44228 GDS Vacancy DetailsNotificationIndian Post Recruitment GDS Vacancy PDF NotificationWebsiteIndian Post GDS Official Website India Post Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024 List-I of Shortlisted Candidates: India Post Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024 List-I has been published, and it contains the names of the candidates who have been selected for the next stage of the selection process. This important list is now available on the official India Post GDS website in the "Important Links" section, making it easier for candidates to access and verify their results. The List-I contains detailed information, such as registration number and marks obtained, which are necessary for candidates to move forward in the recruitment process. If you have applied for Tamil Nadu Gramin Dak Sevak (GDS) posts, make sure you download List-I and see if you have been selected. List-I of Shortlisted Candidates for Key Locations-District The Tamil Nadu Postal Circle GDS Result 2024 List-I contains the names of the shortlisted candidates in various divisions, such as Arakkonam, Chennai City Central, Coimbatore, Madurai, and Tiruchirappalli. This list is important for those who applied for the posts in these major locations, as it provides detailed information about the selected candidates based on their 10th-class marks. The results are available in the “Important Links” section of the above table, covering several divisions such as Pondicherry, Kanchipuram, Erode, Vellore, and Tirunelveli. Whether you are from Dharmapuri, Nilgiris, Karaikudi, or Virudhunagar, etc. make sure to download the merit list and check if you have been shortlisted for the next stage of the selection process. This result is an important step for those wishing to join the postal department in various towns and cities of Tamil Nadu.

Tamil Nadu Postal GDS Result

Tamilnadu GDS Result PDF Download Link 

The direct link to download the Tamil Nadu Postal Circle GDS Merit List PDF is given above. Shortlisted candidates will have to appear for DV for which details are provided along with the result PDF. The Tamil Nadu GDS result in PDF contains information about the division, office, post name, post community, registration number, candidate name, percentage of marks obtained, DV dates, gender, community and documents to be verified. Steps to Check Gramin Dak Sevak Merit List How to Download the Tamil Nadu Postal GDS Result 2024 Merit List?: - Visit the Official Website: Go to the India Post GDS official portal at indiapostgdsonline.gov.in. - Locate the Merit List Link: On the homepage, find the section labeled "Shortlisted Candidates Published" or similar. - Select Your Circle: Click on the Tamil Nadu circle link to view the merit list specific to the region. - Download the PDF: The merit list will be in PDF format. Click the link to download the file to your device. - Search for Your Details: Open the downloaded PDF and use the search function (Ctrl+F) to quickly find your registration number and other details. - Check Further Instructions: If your name appears in the list, read through the document for instructions regarding the next steps, such as document verification. This step-by-step guide ensures you can easily access and check the Tamil Nadu Postal GDS Result 2024. Tamil Nadu GDS Result 2024- OverviewOrganisationIndia PostPostsGDS/ BPM/ ABPMPostal CircleTamil NaduVacancies3789CategorySarkari ResultStatusReleasedTamil Nadu GDS Result 202419th August 2024Official Websitehttps://indiapostgdsonline.gov.in Read the full article

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 1994 Tom’s finishing up dinner. He made us pork chops and tater tots.

Had a great talk with Dad today.

That’s about all that’s happening.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30, 1994 Oh, this is just lovely. Next door, there’s a car in their driveway as well as a van on their front lawn. There’s a ball game going on now that includes other kids who don’t live there. They’re all dressed up, so hopefully they’re going somewhere. Maybe Lenore had her 5th kid or it’s cuz Easter’s coming, but I’m sure it’ll be a zoo till it gets really hot.

Why me? There are tons of elderly couples on this street, so why couldn’t they live next to me what with these houses so close? Why did God have to put Mormons next to me? What’s he trying to tell me? It’ll be years before we move, so how many kids will be there then? 10?

Well, for now I have the radio really loud, cuz if they aren’t going, it’ll be crazy there all day. Also, if they’re going to have company for a while, they’ll keep their dog outside 24/7.

I’m going to go out back and see if I hear anything out there.

Later…

I think I’ve finally figured out why I haven’t gotten any letters from Bob. He probably never had it written down and with him and can’t remember it. I called Kim today who said he made remarks about possibly sending it to the wrong place. While she was on the line, I called and got the PO Box number. Tomorrow I’ll mail out a letter to him. I enclosed an address label which I stuck on the letter as well as the envelope and also my phone number. Hope to hell he gets it and I get a reply.

Kim says there’s still some snow and they’re due for more. Ha, ha!!! Tammy says it’s 40° there and they’re firing up the woodstove. Ha, ha!!! Today it’s 85° and I’ve had the EC on all day.

Luckily, they shut up next door as quickly as they started. I have a good feeling that the hotter it gets, the less I’ll hear of them. They really are quiet 98% of the time. It’s just the old memories of the NHA that the ruckus triggers. If I began with the NHA all the way on up to this place and did a chart of the noise percentage, it’d look like this: NHA - 100% noisy, Vista Ventana - 80% noisy, Crystal Creek - 60% noisy, here - 15% noisy. If it weren’t for this fan, though, I’d be woken up 7 out of 10 times. This fan’s great, although it’d be hopeless in the NHA. Even hopeless in the Vista Ventana cuz the whole building shakes. The kids shook the building in the NHA and in the Vista Ventana, the butch rocked the place. Andy’s thunderous footsteps too.

Kim says she’ll be sending a letter soon. Cool, Book of Letters #7 needs it. Of course, I love getting letters, anyway.

Tom will be home very soon and soon, I’ll be hitting the sack.

Gotta go set the VCR.

Later…

OK, I set it for Unsolved Mysteries, Law & Order, and Now. It looks like for once Law & Order could be a new one. Unsolved is a repeat as usual, but they sometimes have updates on old cases. Now will always be new.

I left Tom a note asking him to please tape a movie for me on my old shitty VCR in his bedroom. The nice thing about it is, though, that if you record something on it, it’ll play fine on the living room VCR. If you play it back on the other one, it looks and sounds like it’s under water.

God, it’s warm in here. I’ve had the EC blaring up high all day and it reads 82° in the living room. It’s cooler in my room, though. That’s where there’s a lower, longer awning outside one of my windows where the sun faces west.

Damn. I forgot to call the Civic Plaza for more information about seeing the Judds, or whichever one’s going to be there. Tomorrow I will, as this won’t be happening till April 9th and 10th. It’s not a Phil Donoghue talk show, I guess, but a women’s expo.

TUESDAY, MARCH 29, 1994 Not much happened yesterday. I fell asleep at 5 PM, therefore, I couldn’t see the look on Tom’s face when he walked into his room. I straightened it all up.

I forgot to mention that I tried to call Jessie in W. Springfield. Both numbers I tried were wrong. I called information and there’s no Jessie or JS in the whole Springfield area. She either moved or has a phone in someone else’s name now.

I tried to call Cassandra, my old therapist in Deerfield. I got her machine and I left a message as well as my number.

Tom and I went out for almost two hours. I got my meds and 3 journals for $20.75. Now I have a total of 65!

Tom and I are out back now. Boy, is it hot!

No mail from Bob. Maybe he doesn’t have my address written down with him in jail and he can’t remember it correctly.

Andy told me that Michael Jackson joke yesterday and it was pretty funny. What do Michael Jackson and J.C. Penny have in common?

They both have little boy’s pants half off.

Another one goes: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A Lickolotopus.

MONDAY, MARCH 28, 1994 Yesterday was lots of fun and I broke another “bed record.” For the first time yesterday, Tom and I were able to have full-scale penetration. It felt really nice, even though I could never cum by that alone with no stimulation. It really makes me feel more of a woman and less different, although, we’d both be fine if I never could’ve done it. Oral sex is my favorite and it always will be.

He’ll be getting up any time now and Andy’s off today. We may get together.

That’s all that’s been going on. Tom and I also have great talks and enjoy spending time together. It’s so amazing how this just keeps on getting better and better.

I have to call for my meds refill and that’s about the only thing I absolutely need to do today.

I basically give up, as far as getting any mail from Bob. I guess he’s a closed chapter in my life. For now, it feels that way.

Later…

Tom’s up now and he’s making us Hamburger Helper now. He’s quickly going to run to the store to pick me up cigarettes.

Doesn’t feel like it’s going to be cool out today. Earlier when I went to put the garbage out back it wasn’t too bad. Maybe I can get some color today. Then again, I’ll probably wait till I can swim. It’s too boring sunning and just sitting out there without being able to swim.

I have to go check the Hamburger Helper now, so I’ll write more later.

Later…

The Hamburger Helper was so good. Tom’s in the shower now and I’ll probably do some typing.

SUNDAY, MARCH 27, 1994 For the first time in my life, I’m letting someone read a whole entire journal. Yup, I’m letting Tom read the story in #61 (lesbian romance). He’ll die laughing, I’m sure.

Andy tried telling me I oughta publish some of my writing. Maybe do a short story for Echo magazine which is a gay magazine. Nope. Don’t think so. See, when I sit back and read whatever I wrote, I like it and understand it. However, I’m afraid others will just laugh. They haven’t yet, but I guess I’m just paranoid.

I went to bed at 3:30 PM and while I slept, Tom read it. Well, I guess he did. He said he was going to, but I can’t ask him now cuz he’s asleep.

If they’ve played their music across the street, I never heard anything. It’s been quiet since they played outdoors in the garage behind their house last Sun. That was probably a birthday party.

Evie and David sent an Easter card to “Jody” and Tom. How sweet, although no one ever spells my name right. Either way it’s spelled, I hate the fucking name, so who cares?

Andy left a message to call him cuz he has a great Michael Jackson joke. When I did try to call it was too late.

Got a postcard from my dad today which I copied into #57. Still nothing from Bob or Kim.

The weather was pretty shitty yesterday with rain. It was damp and yucky, but it cleared off. By Monday it’ll be back to the 80s.

SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 1994 So, what’s been going on here in Arizona? Oh, not much. In April I may meet Naomi Judd. She’s to be at the Civic Plaza with Phil Donoghue and some other actress whose name I can’t remember. It’ll probably be a long line, but I guess you get to talk to her briefly and get a picture taken with her and an autograph. I may check it out if she’s not here while I’m in Disneyland.

Still no mail from Bob or anyone else.

I spoke to Tammy who tried calling last night. It figures I’d miss her call. They’re expecting 2” of snow. Ha, Ha!

THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 1994 I just left a message on Andy’s machine. He called me last night at 1 AM, but I had the ringer off figuring no one was going to call so late. When the hell are they going to stop fucking up his schedule and put him on 2nd shift?

Anyway, I’m going to go now to watch more of the shows I taped, so bye for now.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 23, 1994 I’m still up and Tom’s in the shower now getting ready for work.

I just finished helping him with the bills. He writes out the checks, then copies the check number and the check amount onto a piece of paper. I put the bill and check in their envelopes, then stamp it, and stick his address label on it.

What else is going on right now? Oh, not much. Just bumming around till I fall asleep. I’m going to soon have coffee and have a cigarette. Just what I need, huh? When it comes to trying to quit smoking, I never fail to fail. I quit trying to quit. Whatever will be will be and I’ll be a smoker forever, regardless of wanting to or not.

Later…

Got up at 5:00 today. When Tom came home I surprised him with a spaghetti dinner. He loved it. I even surprised myself. For someone who can’t cook, it sure came out yummy. See, I am sort of old-fashioned and there is a little tradition in me, as modern as I am.

I still haven’t gotten any letters from Bob. If I don’t in a month, then I give up. To hell with ever hoping my parents will ever write me, either. It seems they only write once a year.

I taped my shows, but Unsolved Mysteries wasn’t on due to some special, and Law & Order was a repeat.

TUESDAY, MARCH 22, 1994 I typed a letter to my parents, and still no letter from Bob. Kim got hers, so is there that one in a million chance that someone’s working there that doesn’t like me and has intercepted his mail to me? I doubt it. I mean, Bob would write to me, and he even told Kim he sent a second letter to me right after they had their visit. Maybe he wrote it right after their last bi-weekly mail run. Tom says that’s how it is in the military. Someone will get mail only every other week, but when they do, they get 4 or 5 letters. I hope this is the case.

I typed Kim a letter and played some card games. What do I want to do now? I have no idea. I would like to write more, but I’ve run out of things to write about. Guess I’ll have to think of another writing project for times like this, huh?

Later…

Had enough TV for a while, so I think I’ll go listen to music. After, I’ll try conking out. Before I do, though, let me just say that I’m so proud of myself. I made the best chicken wings ever. This time I not only put margarine on it but also garlic salt. It made the meat part cook better and more tender. Also, the skin was nice and crispy.

Well, till later or tomorrow!

Later…

I think it’ll be a while before I conk out.

Been meaning to mention the weirdest, yet pretty cool thing. I swear I hear birds chirping during the middle of the night. It’s the strangest thing. I’ll have to ask Tom about it, as I wonder what kinds of birds could be doing this and why. They certainly don’t do this in Massachusetts or Connecticut, unless there’s sunlight.

I just upped and threw on the EC to bring fresh air in. I love how it brings in the smell of the orange blossoms. They don’t really smell of orange, though, otherwise I’d hate it, cuz I hate both the smell and the taste of orange. Now it’s great in here after only a few seconds. It freshens the air quicker and better than opening up the place on a very windy day. It also filters out pollen. I’ve been tight lately and this really helps cuz if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was outside in the fresh air right now.

I just heard Tom cough. I wonder if he’s up. He’ll probably stay in bed till 6:00 or 7:00 anyway.

It’s getting chilly in here so I’ll shut off the EC soon. My breathing’s much better now.

So, am I going to get a letter from Bob today, or what? I sure hope so.

I hope Fran decides to try calling me back when I’m awake and not busy. Maybe I’ll hear about Bob’s picture. He’s getting a very nice picture of a Mexican girl. When Andy was here, he brought the picture to send to him. Someone left it behind at Denny’s. Just to keep track, here are my “notes” on her. I wouldn’t want to get her confused with Sabrina. Andy named her Connie Wells. She’s 28, lives alone across the street from me, is a secretary at a lawyer’s office, has no kids, is from Texas, has 3 sisters and 2 brothers, and moved here when she was 18. If I mentioned anything else in my letter about her to Fran, then I forgot. I just said that I told Connie all about him and she liked what she heard. With my luck, he’ll say he wants to write to her and really mean it this time. As stupid as he is, he’ll never buy it if I give a million reasons why she needs to get her mail here. I could try saying, if it comes up, that she just got involved with someone very very jealous of her even having a long-distance pen pal, but I doubt it’ll work. Maybe I oughta bring it up before he does in my next letter to him. This way it’ll sound less of a cover-up excuse if he asks for an address.

Damn, in 7 hours I’ve written 14 pages! I’ve been in my writing mood, so I remembered the little stuff to write about for now.

The lettuce is growing, but the carrots are taking their sweet time.

Later…

Tom and I went to Petsmart earlier. I got more pellets and the same plastic ball I had when I had the two mice. So far, he doesn’t like it like the mice did. He just sits there. I guess it’s a little too small for him.

I also got two journals.

When Tom went to the grocery store while I was asleep, he got some sticks of different colored clay. I’ll have to come up with some clever idea for them.

I also got a birthday card for Dad.

Fran left a message and I called him back. He wants to move out here. What else is new? I told him about Connie and he never did mention Bob’s picture.

MONDAY, MARCH 21, 1994 I awoke at 4:00 once again. Late last night, till 7:00 this morning, I sort of felt lousy. Due to the rain, which I’m not as used to anymore since that’s a rare occasion here, I felt shitty. I was very very tight.

Last night, though, I went to print out address labels for my parents and Kim, but the printer fouled up on me. Therefore, I handwrote 12 envelopes with 12 different labels they haven’t seen yet. I do believe I mentioned this, come to think and remember it.

Fran called today before I woke up. Tom answered his call, then he left a message. I tried calling him twice but he was busy, so he’s going to have to call me. Also, if he gets me, he does. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.

At about 5:00 this afternoon Tom and I went to JB’s for dinner. It was good.

Just as we were leaving, they were playing, or so I thought, across the street. Very loud. It was still going on at 7:30 when we got in, so I called. His mother answered and the weird thing was that where she was was quiet. I guess the house behind her was playing in their garage, as there was a party. That was cool, and she sounded nice. When I hung up I put my music on and turned it off at 8:45 and it was quiet. That was easy enough to deal with.

So afterward, I watched TV, typed letters, played my computer card game, and ate more. I tried to do some scanning, but I couldn’t get it to work to save my life.

I hope I get Bob’s letter today. Kim called yesterday and she had just gotten a letter from him. We both never got that first one he wrote us both a few weeks ago. Guess we never will get it. Kim said he wrote and sent me a letter the same day he sent hers.

Later…

Between April 17th and 22nd, we’ll be going to Disneyland for 1-2 nights. However, somewhere in July or August, we’ve decided that Vegas would be a great place to be married.

It’s weird, yet fine with me, that I don’t look as white as these pages. Why? Who knows. I haven’t exactly been out in the sun these days.

I also forgot to mention something else for about a week now. According to the DES book, yes we possess higher chances of fertility and miscarriages, but they also made it sound like it’s very far from impossible. Still don’t know if I’ll want to try in ‘96, but we’ll see, as it’s still quite a while from now. Also, Tom and I are less convinced that my ear has anything to do with the DES and surer that I do ovulate. The book, along with the doctor, mentioned thinner, runnier discharges mid-cycle. Well, I most certainly have that.

I’ve got a few things I want to mend and hem on my new sewing machine. Let’s see, what do I want to do? A pair of panties, my white shorts, and I know there’s more. Oh yes, the pockets of my cut-off jeans.

Later…

Fell asleep at 5:30 this morning. Got up at noon, then fell back asleep an hour later till 5:00.

When Tom got home he tried to scan my journals and even he’s having trouble with it, so something’s wrong.

I may have mentioned a while back that they’re eliminating Tom’s job at AMEX, so he put in for another job at another department. If he gets it, he’ll work 8-hour shifts for 5 days a week.

Anyway, our trip to Disneyland may have to be pushed ahead or back a little, but we are going.

Tomorrow at 10:00 he has an appointment with the mortgage company about that $65,000 loan.

I’m recording the Oscar Awards now, but for the most part, it’ll be boring.

SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 1994 Earlier Tom and I were talking about possible dates to be married. I said that in a way I wish it were now 1995, then we could go for April 9th, the day we met. So, eventually, he came up with an idea. He asked me, “When was the first time we went in the middle?”

I thought at first he meant when he got in there, finally. Well, he meant orally, as sex is sex, and sex comes in all ways and forms of variety. I looked back and he “got it in there” on January 12th, but the oral part was either July 28th, 29th or 30th. I think it was the 30th.

What type of wedding we’ll have and where is still a mystery. We both agree on one thing, though. Neither of us wants a huge wedding. Andy said he’s definitely going to be there, which is great. He went on and on about how great Tom and I are together and jokingly asked to be the bridesmaid and dress up as either Stevie or Madonna.

I finally got my last order of address labels and I really like them a lot. I already filled out the order form for labels for Tammy and Bill for their anniversary, even though that’s not until May 25th. I’m ordering them cat labels. I should’ve gotten those, rather than the gold-trimmed ones for myself. Anyway, I went ahead and ordered a set of these cat labels for myself. In August for my parent’s anniversary, I’ll order them a set of who knows what style and design.

My dad’s birthday is only about 15 days away. What shall I send him? Just a card as usual? How old is he going to be? I think he’ll be 63.

Tom’s mom gave me a bag of magazines. He was at his parent’s house while I was asleep. They really were of no use to me, but it was nice of her. There were two animal posters that I put up on the bulletin board. Also, two subscription forms I used for Nervous and Scott. There was a poster of a tarantula and that’ll go to Nervous.

The neatest thing she gave Tom to give to me were pastel chalk-like things. I did a fairly decent picture of a table with a bowl of fruit and a vase of flowers. Behind the table is a chair. Behind the table and chair is a big huge window with curtains. Outside the window, I drew mountains and the sky.

Later…

I just tried to print out address labels for Kim and my parents, but I fucked up somehow. So, I addressed them by hand which I also don’t mind doing. I used all different colors. There are about 12 address labels that Kim and my parents haven’t seen yet, so I gave them each one. Their next 12 letters will have different address labels.

I watched part of a movie I taped last night. So far, so good. Now I think I’ll listen to music for a while.

SATURDAY, MARCH 19, 1994 Boy, was I tired. I slept nearly 11 hours and didn’t get up until 4 PM today.

Last night was fun. Andy came over and did his laundry at 7:30. Tom didn’t get in till 9:00 and I was worried. He worked overtime. We were all laughing and joking and telling old and funny stories.

Still no letter from Bob. This makes me feel like someone’s intercepting his mail.

Tom’s working on the back room right now, and I’m kind of bored.

THURSDAY, MARCH 17, 1994 I just called Gina who remembered my voice and name after a couple of months. I asked if she could play One for One. I don’t know who does it, but I know Linda did it in the early 70s. I love the guitar in this guy’s version.

So anyway, here’s the news about Bob. Kim called me to tell me she saw Bob. He’s been transferred yet a third time. From Franklin County to Walpole, and now to MCI Concord in the Boston area. Who knows what MCI stands for? Must be Massachusetts Corrections Institute or something.

As she saw, and to no surprise, Bob looks terrible. Who wouldn’t in jail? He does have an appeal going through, but if it works, it’ll take quite some time. Hey, what else is new? But he said that even his lawyer swore up and down that he’d get off. He can’t get calls, but he can make them as long as they’re collect. He can also write and get letters. If I write to him, they don’t read the letter, but they do open the envelope, naturally, to be sure nothing’s in the envelope that’s not supposed to be. Kim said she sent us both letters a couple of weeks ago, but it’s going to take time. They only pick up mail from there every other week. Hopefully, I’ll get his letter within a few days, but he’ll get my letters faster than I’ll get his. Kim said that he’ll still get the letter I just sent to Walpole. Also, in his letter, there’ll be more information as well as his booking number.

If there’s any news that’s good that eases our fears, it’s that his one cellmate’s his age. Also, there’s been no abuse from the guards or any other inmate. True to what Tom said, he’s bored with tons of free time.

Is Gina going to fucking play my request, or what? She’s done this before and so far she’s played 3 other requests and they didn’t seem to come before mine. Fuck her then, if she doesn’t play it. I’ll request it from another DJ if I have to.

I’m going to go watch TV now and soon hit the sack.

Later…

Well, Gina did play my request, but I sure did not expect to hear me singing first. No wonder she asked me to sing a little of it. I thought it a little strange that she wouldn’t know the song, therefore, I had to sing some of it.

Tom got home a little while ago. Now he’s eating.

They’re playing now across the street and I can very barely hear it! I’m leaving him a thank you note tomorrow.

Later…

I just finished typing up the last letter of the day. Got a few letters going out. To my parents, Kim, Fran and Andy’s nasty customer.

Tom and I talked more about getting married. We’re still not sure of a month, date, or where. We discussed the pros and cons of getting married here, as well as in Vegas.

I’m surer that I want to marry Tom more than he’s sure I’m sure. I think he’s just jumping the gun, though, worrying about too many what-ifs, even though that’s perfectly understandable. I went through all my what-ifs too. Like, what if we get divorced like almost everyone else does? But, life’s about taking chances. His basic concern is that he’s positive about two things that he swears will happen and how I’ll feel about them and deal with them. He swears I’ll fall in love with a woman and it’ll be mutual. He’s not so much afraid I’ll leave him, but will it make me wish I weren’t married to him? I said I’d tell them it’s too late and that I’m taken. He says these words may be hard to stick by, but this can happen to him as well as anyone else. If this happens I’ll deal with it as best I can. Yes, I know I swore I’d never have a relationship or move here, but no woman’s going to love me. Not one I’d love back. As gay as I always have been and always will be, this isn’t meant to be. If it were in my cards to be with a woman, then I would’ve been. The relationship was, after all, meant to be, but not with a woman. Otherwise, Tom would be a woman. Anyway, it’s human nature to be attracted to multiple people, although Tom’s 100% sure I’m going to fall in love. Tom said this happened to him with his first wife and he had to go through the “Hey, I’m already committed” stage. I guess it was the type of love where he didn’t want to leave his wife, nor did he want to sleep with this other woman. I guess it’s just Murphy’s Law.

The other thing he swears will happen is that I’ll no longer get SS checks eventually and will make the same, if not more than he does, and that’s all wonderful with him, but what he fears is me wanting to venture back out on my own with the dough.

I’d only leave him if he turned out to be a no-good jerk. However, if I made not a penny or a million bucks, what’s that got to do with us? That won’t change my love for him. I want to share any victories I have or money I make with him. Not alone. I just want us to do our best, take one day at a time and hope it is forever.

Now, what the hell was that? I just heard some knocking sound, but I can’t tell where it’s coming from. Oh well, I’m going to go and watch TV.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16, 1994 Wow! Have I been having a fan-fucking-tastic day or what?! I may be interrupted by a call from Andy, but for now, I’ll get as far as I can. First of all, when I got up today at 11:00, I finished something I began last night. On 20 pieces of computer paper, I’ve done different abstract designs with the watercolor paints. Yup, it’s getting easier and I’m getting used to it little by little. I did do a cactus and a palm tree, but I mainly did designs like rainbows and similar stuff like that. Where did I put it when I finished? In the boarded-up window in the living room. Before the garage was built, you could look out at the window to W. Weldon. It looks so good there along with my collector’s plates.

Andy was going to come over here and do his laundry, but instead, he fell asleep with a headache, so maybe Friday. They’re remodeling the laundry room where he lives.

Tom sprayed out the room that’s part of the garage where the dryer is and gave me a spare key.

Got yet another set of address labels today and two more to go. They all should be here by Saturday.

The city came, free of charge, to paint the block wall that someone painted on. I haven’t seen it yet, though.

I have yet to get to the great news and the funny news, but I will soon.

Later…

Well, Andy’s been on the phone now for a while, so I’ll just wait till I hear from him. He wants me to read him the weird letter he wanted me to type to a very snotty customer.

I called and talked to Dad today. He sounded great and Ma was out playing bingo.

I also called Tammy who was really pissed and is having more problems with Lisa’s ex-friend Stacey. I guess Stacey beat up Lisa at school or tried to. Lisa’s afraid and has to be escorted to classes. Bill called telling the principal that he’d better guarantee her safety…or else! Tammy said she wishes she could get her hands on this 11-year-old and that she wished I could call her. I did and said what she told me to say - that Stacey better keep her hands to herself or else she won’t have any hands or mouth. I told Tammy, too, that if trouble persists, she can give me their address and I’ll send catalogs and whatever to them in NPN envelopes. I can also send them weird letters and when they see the Phoenix postmark, they’ll be thoroughly confused trying to figure out who hates them all the way from Phoenix.

It hit 87º here and that wonderful news is still yet to come!

Later…

Andy’s got company, I just remembered, so I read him the letter on his VM.

Tom should be home soon, but first I think he’s stopping off for some groceries.

OK, here’s my good news. Just as I was finishing up painting, I had the doors open, when there was a big boom for the second time. Luckily it wasn’t nearly as loud this time around. Then, fire trucks and cruisers went heading down towards that same alley from Claredon St. People came out to see what was up. Same with the heavy metalling teen across the street and 3 of his buddies. He asked if I knew anything, then we got to talking. Once we hit the music subject, I told him my honest feelings about it. He then said they practice every Thursday and gave me his number, saying that if it ever got too loud to call.

Great! And he did sound sincere enough, although I will still just wait and see.

I also had a nice chat with Lenore next door. Yup, they’re Mormons. She’s going to drop kid #5 anytime now, and they home-teach their kids. That explains why they’re always home. These people must have bucks to support so many kids, and how they all fit into a 3-bedroom house, beats me. She says she hates the heat here and plans to spend the whole summer in Idaho where she’s from. Dean will fly to her every so often. I asked her if she ever heard my music and she said no and asked if I could hear their piano. Nope, but even if I did, that wouldn’t bother me.

How do they fit a piano in such a small house?

TUESDAY, MARCH 15, 1994 Oh no, here I go again thinking of a kid. Where are these goddamn urges coming from? Especially when I know damn good and well it’d be the worst thing for me. For several reasons. Oh well, all I can do is fight it and ignore it. A baby isn’t in my cards. Not even if I weren’t sterile.

I didn’t get up today till 11:15, so I’ll probably be up till 3:00 or 4:00 just vegging.

Later…

There was a catfight outside a little while ago, but in the meantime, Tom and I had the best talk ever about us getting married and having a kid. Now I feel like I can easily deal with daily thoughts to have one, even though they’re not daily. They’re about 5-10 days out of the month. We’re going to discuss a date tomorrow, but we’re both so sure. I never thought I could want it to be forever and have that person want that, too. I never think about or worry if it’ll end in a year, or 5 or 10. All I know is one day at a time and how I feel right now. We’re also both trying to keep an open mind to any possibilities such as having a kid or whatever. We won’t say I won’t and we won’t say I will have a kid, but 1996 is the year we’ll think about it seriously. We’re not against those who have kids before, during or after marriage, but whether I do or don’t, 1996 is a good year to decide, although I still have mixed emotions about it and probably always will. Plus, there’s still a 90-something percent chance that I may be sterile.

Well, it’s off to bed now.

Later…

Got up at 11:00 today, then Tom and I went to the library. We didn’t look for the article, cuz the more we thought about it, the more we figure they won’t have it. Greenfield’s not a huge enough paper.

We did get a DES book. I only scanned through it quickly, but it looks like DES-related cancers aren’t as bad as I thought. However, sterility is most certain. If not, a miscarriage is. In a way, even though I’m sure a kid’s not in my cards, this is a bummer, cuz it’s taking away my options and freedom of choice for 1996.

After the library, he got a haircut which looks very nice. I went into Ross’s clothing store while he was getting his hair cut. For a total of $23, I got a melon-colored denim vest and a short sleeve sundress. At the hair salon, I got a bottle of that detangler.

From there Tom and I went to a buffet. The food would’ve been good if it weren’t cold. After eating we came home.

Later…

Tom called the mortgage company and he set up an appointment for Tuesday.

Right now he’s watching a video of Wendy’s vacation back in New Jersey and New York.

I took Piggy out back for a while and we sat in the swing. Now I think I’ll go sit out back for a while.

MONDAY, MARCH 14, 1994 I was just talking with Andy and we were discussing ways to keep out of trouble, yet still have some fun.

We just left Ellie a message whom we’ll want to see some night. Also, I wouldn’t be too surprised if Rosemarie was still there and I’d like to leave a note on her car. I wonder if Mark and Robert are still there, but this I highly doubt. I’m sure Scott moved a long time ago, too. People who make so many enemies so fast tend to move a lot.

I just had an idea. A good one, too. It’s been about the summer of ‘92 since I’ve copied conversations from tapes in here in script form. I can take Tom’s microcassette recorder, record some stuff, then put it in here. This thing can also rewind and fast forward while the play button is down. The old little portable cassette player I used to use for this is in the computer room and it’d be a pain to bring it in here.

Later…

Before I do some script form convos, and before Tom comes home, let me update the day’s events. Actually, it begins shortly after I last wrote.

I must’ve had massive gas, cuz my stomach was throbbing. It was pretty weird and a bit scary too. It all began when I sat down to watch TV. First I could feel it, then I looked down and my lower right side of my stomach was literally throbbing and pulsing. I was very nauseous too, and at one point almost certain I was going to puke, but luckily I didn’t have to. Is it something I ate? My meds? PMS? Tension cuz of the assholes across the street? Plus, I know it isn’t going to let up for another two months. Once these people start, they don’t stop. Next Thursday - Sunday afternoon they’ll be up to the usual shit.

Am I going to drop to my knees again and beg God to stop it? Nah, he isn’t done letting me listen to other people’s noise. Every weekend, I’ll just have to feel like and be reminded of apartment living. It’s almost like something up there’s taunting me with it. The more I want peace and quiet the more noise it throws at me. Not a peep, though, from next door. There’s no way they could’ve been home last weekend. No way at all.

Kim called with Bob’s address. Guess it is Cedar Junction prison in Walpole, bordering Boston. She’s going to try to see him at the end of the week. Tomorrow I’ll be sending off a letter and she’ll be doing the same. I sure hope he gets it.

Andy had a weird encounter with a customer at work, but I’ll write about it after I have a cigarette.

Later…

OK, so about Andy’s customer. He overheard a man and a woman talking. The woman said, “So, how was your visit with Jodi?”

The man said, “This is the second time and this time we talked a lot more. She really opened up and seemed so much happier.”

Andy said he had no gray hair. Also, we only saw each other once, but it sure was weird. He said he almost asked the man if his name was Larry.

SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 1994 Last night I fell asleep at 1:30 and awoke with upper stomach pains at 5:00. I’ve never really had upper stomach pains before and Tom said it could’ve been heartburn. I don’t know, but at least I’m better now. I fell back asleep at around 7:00 and got up just after 11:00.

Yesterday I began to be aware of my period on its way, so I’ll be dealing with that really soon.

Later Tom and I will be going grocery shopping. I’m not really looking forward to that, and today it’ll be mobbed.

It’s nice out today, but very breezy. I like that, though.

Even though I have an Abba CD on now, it’s quiet outside. I don’t think they’re home next door.

Last night I made Tom a tape of Sting and Meat Loaf with the new tapes. One of them, anyway.

Later…

I’ve got some very good news. Andy’s going to be starting 2nd shift real soon! He’s going to be calling back real soon. He’s packing now, as he’s going to Vegas for two days, the lucky fem.

Earlier Tom went grocery shopping and he got some watercolors. They’re a far cry different than a pencil or a marker, but I’m practicing. I touched up a so-so Gloria drawing and made it pretty nice. Nicer than I’d expected. I also typed letters to my parents and Kim.

That’s all for now.

SATURDAY, MARCH 12, 1994 Well, I’m still up, despite the fact that I don’t think I will be for too much longer. I turned down the idea of typing letters. I’ve got lots to tell everyone, too.

Come to think of it, I’ve gotten no calls from Fran or messages left by him.

Deep down, for curiosity’s sake, I wonder what is really going on in Nervous’s life. Is he still with Crystal? If so, how’s it going? I wonder who else he knows and what else he’s doing. That is, aside from working at the leather shop. I’ll never really ever know, now will I?

More so, I wonder how Bob’s coping with being in prison. Thank God he didn’t get in trouble while I was there. I sure needed him when Kim wasn’t around.

Tuesday we’re going to the library to look for Bob’s article in the Greenfield newspaper and perhaps pick up a book on DES.

Later…

I got up a couple of hours ago and I watched last Wednesday night’s show I forgot I had to finish.

It’s beautiful out now and so far it’s been very shockingly quiet. I don’t even know if they’re home next door.

Tom’s working now on the back room and I’m bored.

Later…

Tom and I finally planted our carrots and lettuce. In the back of this book, I wrote up a chart. This way we have the dates of when we plant things and what’s in each row.

It looks as if it might storm out there.

Next door’s been quiet, and if they’re doing their shit across the street, I don’t know about it. I have the radio on in my room and the living room, which also has speakers in the back room.

Oh, how could I forget! I’m 99 pounds and I don’t think I’ve been there for a few months.

Also, when I woke up I thought I was pre-cramping, but it was really gas. My tits don’t hurt, my stomach doesn’t hurt, and lastly, I’m not too bloated. I wish it could be like this every month.

Later…

Tom’s now watching the end of a movie I already saw on HBO. When he’s done, we’re going to fool around.

Yuck! I think I now feel some pre-cramps.

It rained a little out, so the garden oughta love that.

Later…

Tom and I just did a lot of work on the back room and it looks so much better.

I just cranked the music up as I’m sure that any time now they’re going to blast off. I’m not in the mood to be reminded of apartment living.

Got a message from Tammy. Going to go copy it in now.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 1994 I know it’s been a few days since I last wrote. Well, I’m sorry to have to say this but this journal’s going to be ending on a sour note. I do have some good news, and the bad news is nothing compared to my bad days back East, but it’s still bad enough. I have a few major subjects, then some little stuff to write. I’ll save the better stuff for last.

Did I, or did I not say my luck would run out with the assholes across the street? Well, it did. They played last night for nearly an hour and a half. I had been in a great mood too, and my mood was totally shot to hell. Tom says it’s too soon to worry, but I know it’s the same old cycle. They’ll do this 1-3 times a week now for months. Like 5-6 months before they back off for another 2 months if they ever do again. I refuse to deal with it all over again. I must think and act fast. Andy’s got to know someone who can do something. I can’t and I won’t deal with this shit all over again. Now the tension’s on once again. Only several months of peace can cure that, but I won’t get that peace unless I take serious action.

Now, I have one more, not-too-cool piece of news. Well, as for the cigarettes, well, we’re together till death do us part. I’ll just have to go young, but there’s no way I can ever get off them. Tom still says I will quit, and he’s been right about everything, so far, but I don’t see it.

Speaking of seeing things - I’m pretty good at picking winning horses. I’ll have to continue trying to develop it.

Cigarette break now.

Later…

OK, now on with the better news, among news in general. The kitchen’s more than half done. We tore down the paneling and Tom’s now repainting it off-white. Boy, does it look a lot better! Brighter and so much more cheerful.

I miscounted the days till my next period, thinking I was due on the 13th. I’m due on the 16th, but the great news is that I still feel no signs of it. I’m bloated, but my boobs aren’t sore and I have no pre-cramping.

Tom introduced me to another super neat thing on the computer. This thing that’ll either repeat back what you type or that’ll have a conversation with you. I taped one of our talks on a microcassette recorder of Tom’s. The bummer of it is, is that it doesn’t say what I type. Only its response.

Tom got out some of his musical instruments as he was rearranging the back room. A trombone, a trumpet, and a flute. I played a little trumpet for the first time in my life. You kind of have to spit into it to sound off the notes. It was hard, but I managed to sound off a few notes. The flute was easier and miraculously I was able to remember where certain notes are after so many years for one who didn’t play for long. Also, now that I have good pitch, I could tell what the notes were that I randomly keyed and played.

Last night, Tom and I sang some songs of Linda’s. He played the chords on the keyboard while I sang.

He also got a programming language thing that will save so much time on the business so we don’t have to stall in another 3 months.

Later…

There’s not much more to do with the kitchen and soon we’re going to work on the back room. Tom’s making himself something to eat, then we’re going to work on it.

Later…

Tom’s now hosing off a low/wide table that was here when he moved in. He’s going to put some of his books and equipment on it till we build wall shelves in the cubby hole at the far end of the back room. I’m going to be using a taller bookshelf that’s also of solid wood. The little wooden bookcase will replace the plastic ones my CDs and CD player are now on. I hate the plastic ones cuz they sag.

I called Kim last night and asked her if she’d found any information on Bob and where he is. Sure enough, just as I told Kim, Minnie never sent Kim the article about Bob in the Greenfield paper. Kim says she has the weekend off and will then try to find stuff out. Tom says it’s a matter of public record, which is true. Kim can find out at the courthouse where he is. Also, we may be able to see the article from our library here. That’d be nice. I’ll let Kim know of all this the next time I write her, but she probably will figure it out on her own.

Well, now I’m going to go see what Tom’s up to and if I’m needed.

Later…

Tom and I sure got lots and lots of work done in the back room. We’re on break now. He’s watching basketball and I’m lying on my bed.

We ordered dinner from My Mother’s. He got a pizza and I ordered a prime rib dinner, but it will probably be a while before it gets here.

Right now I want to change my sheets before it gets much later.

Later…

Boy, that was yummy! Plus, they screwed up in our favor. His pizza and my prime rib totaled about $19, but they charged us only $11. I’m so full now and I’m trying to burp it up as best I can. Perfect timing, though, cuz at 9 PM I need to take my meds.

After I finish this journal and begin the next one, I’ll probably listen to music.

Later…

OK, well, here I am on the last page! I just went back and put the color changer through all the pages I did today. Counting this page I’ve done 16 pages. Now it’s time for the one with all the cool stamps from all over the world. Journal #60! I really thought it’d be the year 2000 and something when I’d hit journal #60. Especially when I first began in 1987. I hate #50 just 4 months ago.

Later…

Tom’s going to bed in a few minutes and I am too, in a little while.

Tomorrow it’ll be another 80º day and Sunday it’ll be somewhere in the neighborhood of 85º.

Earlier I saw Marlee Matlin in Hear No Evil. I missed the first half-hour, but what I did see was good. It was also the first time I saw her topless.

Just when I thought my hair might quit growing for a while, it’s even longer. Just about touching the crack of my ass.

No concerts from across the street, thank God, but I still won’t hold my breath. Tomorrow and Sunday will be next door’s turn, although I’m not shocked I didn’t hear more of them last weekend.

I’ve got lots of new pens that won’t be drying up anytime soon, so I’m going to do each day a different color.

I asked Tom when he thought Bob would be able to write letters. He said maybe in a couple of weeks. I sure hope so.

TUESDAY, MARCH 8, 1994 Cool! I’m only 5 days away from my period and feel no signs of it. No pre-cramping, no sore tits, but I am a little bloated. Aren’t I always? Actually, though, I’m not as bloated as I normally am only 5 days away.

I wish it were almost time for me to go to the ACS class. I’m really looking forward to it and I want it to work sooo badly.

I think I’ll go watch the 2½-hour shows I taped.

Later…

I’m watching Geraldo now and next is Charlie’s Angels.

Tom’s leaving soon to go get paint for the kitchen. He’s also getting a sander.

Everyone has their hang-ups. I just hate to watch TV with someone else. I like to watch TV alone. That’s when I want my space like when I listen to music. But Tom won’t let me watch TV alone. He could be in the computer room, then only intend to come into the kitchen, but instead, he stops and watches whatever I have on. If I want to keep him in the living room forever, all I’d have to do is keep the TV on. Well, I did want him to see how I could do all of program 2 on one of my workout videos. So, I put it in the VCR and did it knowing he’d sit right there through the entire thing.

He said he hates talk shows. Well, he loves them now, cuz that’s what he’s watching.

Later…

Tom came back an hour ago with all kinds of things to do the kitchen with. He even got new kitchen faucets.

He’s about to make us bacon and eggs, then we’re going to go plant the lettuce and carrot seeds.

I wish it were time for me to go to my class now.

Still no mail from Kim today. I don’t know what’s taking her so long to send the article and find more info. I’ll send her a letter soon.

I got another collector’s plate under the name of Ann W. Had to be from Andy or Fran. It’s black Labradors and it’s nice. Now I have a total of 6.

Later…

Well, in 2 hours and 15 minutes, we’ll be leaving for the class. I hope for the best.

In the meantime, we dug up patches of dirt, shook the dirt out, and took the grass out of the area where we’ll be planting seeds.

I really miss Andy. I hope to hell he gets a night job somewhere soon. Second shift would be perfect for him and I know he’d want that much more than third.

He’s now on the phone talking to his friend Eileen. Me? I’m just bored as hell till I leave. Think I’ll go make myself some coffee now.

MONDAY, MARCH 7, 1994 I meant to write yesterday, and yes, I do have lots to update on. Today’s surely different from those hot days we’ve been having. It’s raining and thundering. I like the change, though, whereas back east, that’s all it ever does and you pray for a day without rain, let alone cold and snow.

This weekend was fairly quiet. No music and no steady hour-after-hour ball bouncing, although I did hear it a little. When I went to put my mail out, I saw their ball laying in their driveway. Part of me wanted to take it and ditch it somewhere, but I didn’t want to be seen. Plus, I’m sure they’d just turn around and get a new ball. Still, it’d be nice if some kid came by and took it.

I hope it rains this weekend and then I’ll have had enough of it for a while. I do look forward to the monsoon season, though. It’s awesome. Also, as it gets hotter and hotter, fewer people will be out.

Tom’s working now, but tomorrow he’s on vacation till next Monday. We expect to be very busy, but I’ll tell you what we do as we do whatever we do. Last Saturday we finally began to take down that ugly old paneling. Soon we’ll paint the whole kitchen an off-white.

I can’t remember all the things we did Saturday, but things have been OK. All except for the fact that my camera’s broken. I was so bummed out, too, as I took some really cool pictures.

Yesterday I skated for nearly 3 hours and I loved it. I skated around the pool and on the patio. It was so much fun and I felt very relaxed and confident. I really am an OK skater. I certainly wouldn’t dare do a triple axle with no coach, but I can spin and jump enough to have fun with it. Tom and I want to get rollerblades so we can go on the streets. This way I can do more and I can go fast. The two pairs of skates I have aren’t good for the streets. One little pebble can send me flying all the way to the Grand Canyon.

Well, Tom and I talked about my little consultation tomorrow and I canceled it. I hate going to the doctor and if I ever have surgery again, it’ll be to hear out of two ears or if it’s something necessary to save my life. Tom really thinks it would depress me and he’s probably right cuz then we’d never know for sure what’s in store for the future, even though we think we already have a pretty good idea. I never thought I could or would have a great relationship and be able to handle it, so who knows? I even mentioned it to my mom and even she said it was a big deal and gave me the impression that I should forget about it.

I feel like I’m forgetting something, but if I remember it, I’ll write it in.

No mail from Kim today, so I wonder what the delay is.

I hosed down the pig’s cage yesterday. It sure was nice just to take it a few feet outside the back door, rather than 4 flights up and down or in the bathtub.

The sun’s out now.

SATURDAY, MARCH 5, 1994 For the third night in a row, I got up at 1:00. The next couple of days I’d better sleep later. Tuesday I have a very long and very busy day. Tom will probably be up by 8:00 and then we’ll begin working on the kitchen. It’ll be a major task, but hopefully fun.

Well, I must first go and get myself a bite to eat as I am hungry.

Later…

I definitely have to cut down on being in the sun for a while. Yesterday I noticed small traces of the beginnings of sun poisoning on my stomach. How am I ever going to get a serious tan without getting sun poisoning? If I were to spend another day or two outside I’d definitely have it over my whole body, and it itches like hell.

Since I ran out of my shampoo I’ve been using Tom’s Head & Shoulders, and yuck! It reeks like shit. When he lays with me in bed, he leaves that stench behind on my pillow. Masculinity stinks, as much as I love this guy. He’s the only guy I’ve ever met, though, that doesn’t have BO. Thank God for that much.

I’ll have to ask him if he heard the heavy metallers playing last night since I was asleep. I’ve got the radio all set to go today as I’m sure they’ll be out front playing ball all fucking day today.

Today, we’re going to take down that old-fashioned, ugly, disgusting wall paneling. Tom’s going to fix part of the ceiling, too, and soon enough we’ll repaint the kitchen. The counter, sink and cabinets will be redone one of these days, too.

Later…

I’m bored now. I wish I were just waking up. There’s nothing I can really do till Tom gets up. I also have to really push myself to stay up as long as I can. The birds just woke up. I hear them chirping away now.

Andy left a message laughing over the same thing I was laughing about on his machine. It’s sooo gorgeous here, while they have 3’ of snow back east!

Well, I’m off to go brush my teeth now and put on a little makeup.

Wonderful. Here goes that beast next door.

Later…

It must’ve been someone else’s dog I heard, cuz after I last wrote, I didn’t hear anything.

Tom got up around 7:00 and we went grocery shopping. There, I got 3 pens. Pink, purple and blue.

After we got home, we started pulling off the paneling. While he went to get my meds, I yanked the nails out of the wall behind the pieces we already got out. He’s doing the ceiling repair now. I’ve got the fan on exhaust blowing out dust and crap like that as well as a Fleetwood Mac CD, so when the kids next door go out to do their thing, it should muffle it.

I hope I get mail today.

It’s going to be another hot one out there and I’m not going to hang out much today. If the pool was warmer, that’d be different, but without going out and opening the doors, I got my fresh air. The bedroom and bathroom don’t get much fresh air, so I can’t wait till the EC is set up. This way I can air it out daily for a little while, at least, till the EC is on all the time.

Later…

Tom’s taking a break and eating hot dogs I just made for him. Soon, he’s going to a friend’s house to fix their computer.

FRIDAY, MARCH 4, 1994 Got a letter from Alex yesterday. He’s back in Deadfield at the same address. Then, why’d he move to Illinois? Must’ve taken a long vacation there. Maybe today I’ll get another letter from Kim. Maybe this time it’ll have more information. Like an address and that article. Alex typed the letter he sent this time around, which was great. I had asked him to type if he could and if he had a typewriter cuz his handwriting is incredibly sloppy. Most deaf people type well cuz they’ve plenty of practice due to using the TTY system so much.

Later…

I really hate that when I’m very much in the mood to write but have nothing to say. I need a fun everyday project to keep me busy. I’m getting bored with just the stuff I already do. I’m just not in the mood to type letters right now. Besides, I’m going to wait till my new order of envelopes arrives. They’ll get here in a day or two. I’m not in the mood to veg in front of the TV now. Plus, nothing’s on. I don’t feel like editing, but I am hungry. I’ll go zap another piece of pizza.

Later I’ll work out and hang out outside as it’ll be 83º.

Later…

Today’s just as gorgeous as I said it’d be. I got even more color. The only thing not too peaceful was the dog next door. At least it didn’t keep going and going, though. The kids next door are out front. Why do they always go to the front? I’ve only heard them out back once or twice. This is good for when I’m out back, but when I’m in the house I’m at the front of the house most of the time.

I just checked and they’re gone now, thankfully. I think they got company. Some blue truck is now parked in front. This weekend, I’m sure I’ll have to listen to them play ball. The guy (Dean) just left in their red van. I just thank God the dog doesn’t go on and on like when they first got here. That our place isn’t attached to theirs. That the music people across the street have shut up and that the dog across the street is gone. I pray to God constantly not to let my luck run out. This is my time now for peace and quiet after so many years of being so affected by other people’s noise. I live in a house now. It’s my right just as well as anyone else’s right.

I just checked again. Those kids apparently were only out a second.

The scars from the NHA, Vista Ventana and Crystal Creek will be with me for years to come, if not always. At least it’s getting better. The longer I see this place fairly quiet most of the time, the more my tensions and memories will fade.

No one’s ever going to wake me up again. And if they do, I’ll be sure to give them a wake-up call in the middle of the night. I can promise this for sure.

I hope the mailman brings me a letter from Kim today. That is because my parents won’t write until next year, Fran and Bob never will, and Alex will write again in May or June.

Boy, do I ever need something to eat now. I think I’ll heat up the last piece of pizza. Tom got a few things from the store early this morning before work.

We’ve got huge plans for tomorrow, but I’ll get into that later.

Later…

I’m going to do a little bit of writing, so as to keep myself awake a little longer.

About an hour ago - boy did I have a big scare. I was watching TV when all of a sudden – boom! I asked myself…was that a gun? A firecracker? It even popped the mailbox open. I called 911, then eventually I looked out front. I saw nothing and the dispatcher said a transformer could’ve blown.

After we hung up, people outside were talking about it and two guys driving by in a car asked me if I knew anything. Then a female cop that looked like a lesbian came to the door. She was a better-looking version of Linda the cab driver back in Springfield. She wasn’t the ugliest, but no one I’d ever sleep with. She was nice, though. She at first asked if I knew any drug dealers around cuz maybe a drug lab blew up, but it turns out that someone blew up the dumpster in the alley behind the houses across the street. Boy, if we lived over there, or they blew up ours in our alley while I was out back there, I’d most certainly be deaf.

No mail for today.

Tomorrow we’re going to start working on the kitchen, but I’ll put off writing about that one till tomorrow.

THURSDAY, MARCH 3, 1994 I got up at 1 AM and Andy left a message saying he wants his messages taped. He got the same message I got. US West says that this Sunday from midnight - 9 AM, the VM will be shut down so we can’t get our messages and no one can leave us messages, either. I wonder what the hell they are doing this time? They better not fuck up the system, though, or bump off the stutter dial tone that tells us we have messages.

Now, I’m going to go and continue watching my shows. I’m so fucking hungry too, but there’s hardly any food.

Later…

Well, I managed to scrounge up a hamburger and I had a bowl of cereal. Later I’ll make pork chops.

I taped Andy’s messages, called in my refills and scheduled an appointment for a consultation on a hysterectomy.

Boy, do I feel mixed emotions. When I hung up I felt a sense of depression and fear, but I know I’m doing the right thing. The thought of being held up in the hospital is scary, though, and I don’t want to burden Tom. I hope those scary stories of depression aren’t true, but everyone’s different. It won’t hurt to at least get information. I think it’ll be a worthy investment for the years to come. I can’t keep dealing with PMS and periods. Well, I could, but I sure don’t want to. Also, I can be able to go from 100% sure I can’t and won’t have kids to 200% sure. I hope it’ll curb my sexual appetite, too.

Later…

I almost chickened out several times and called to cancel my appointment, so I’m just trying not to think about it for now.

I am absolutely looking forward to checking out those quit-smoking sessions next week. I can’t wait.

I’m also looking forward to hanging in the sun out back in about an hour. It’s boring, though.

Tom warned me that I should stop blasting my music, but that’s the only way I really enjoy it and can get into it. Turning it down seems as impossible as my growing another foot taller. He says my hearing sucks. Nah, I don’t think so. It’s just so-so, but yes, it does suck when there’s background noise, like in a restaurant.

Oh! I’ve been meaning to write this in but I keep forgetting. God answered another prayer for me. For a couple of months now, the dog across the street has been gone. Yeah! I love it! It’s so much quieter and more peaceful when I’m in the living room with no TV or music on and especially when I’ve got the door open. The dog next door is so much quieter, the kids aren’t out very often, gone is the dog across the street and gone is the heavy metal band! Thank you, God! You did hear my prayers, after all. Now, please help me quit smoking for good.

I’m out back by the side of the pool now and yes, it’s going to be a warm one. It already feels warm and it’s still early. Where’s the cloudiness they predicted, though? I like it when it’s cloudy so the sun doesn’t kill my eyes.

Later…

Well, I did get some color and this is the warmest day so far this year that I remember of. If I stayed out much longer I’d definitely fry. Tom’s right. I have to do it little by little.

Damn! I just noticed my $300 check here that Tom forgot. He was to cash it at lunch.

So, anyway, I have the door open and the fans on to circulate the air. It’s sooooooooo beautiful. And Tammy’s freezing with 3’ of snow. Ha, ha, ha!!

What other little tidbits of news can I tell? Let’s see… I showered and did my hair. I need more shampoo. My legs are a little hairy, but I don’t feel like solving that problem now.

I watched parts of some talk shows and Charlie’s Angels.

The sink’s clogged up once again.

I hope the mailman isn’t too long in coming and that I get a letter from Kim with more information. Getting one from Bob is just wishful thinking and dreaming, I suppose.

Just took an Ibuprofen for a slight headache. Luckily that stuff is cheap and doesn’t cause any side effects to have to deal with.

I worked out a little and I should do more.

I’m 10 days away from my next period, so now is when I’m going to start to bloat out.

I haven’t done any wall art lately, but I will sooner or later. All the things I do have their phases. I have to think of new ideas and add more variety to the flowers. Being just your average artist, though, that’s not always such an easy thing.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2, 1994 Tom’s in the shower now and soon he’ll be gone for work.

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I laid out and got some color.

When I got up at 10:00 last night I watched the Grammy Awards I taped. Gloria won for her album Mi Tierra and she looked good. Her hair’s growing back, but when I saw her on Larry King she looked great. I loved how she had her hair straighter and it made her look younger, too.

When I woke up my stomach was fine, thankfully. It sure is weird though, how I get that for a few days every now and then.

I typed up 5 letters, too. To my parents, Tammy and the girls.

Almost an hour ago, Tom and I went to Circle K. We got something to eat and drink and I got cigarettes.

Speaking of cigarettes, well, it’s hard to keep a positive outlook when you’ve tried several methods of quitting and they all failed. However, I’m going to call the American Cancer Society and see what they say.

I’m also going to call my doctor’s office to see if there’s any way I can get a hysterectomy. I want to at least get information. I know it’s not elective surgery, as Tom said, but I’ve seen several news documents on women who had it done when they never needed it. Doctors will do anything to make a buck. I know this firsthand. I know some women have claimed to have horrible side effects, and Tom’s sister does too, but every woman’s different. I just don’t think it’s fair for me to have periods when I’ll never have a kid, even if I weren’t sterile.

It’s going to be another gorgeous day, so, I can’t wait to go out.

Later…

I have excellent news. First of all, it looks like I can probably get a hysterectomy done and paid for. I called my doctor’s office and they said I could either go there or to my GYN (guess that would be Dr. Kolnick) for a consultation. I guess the state would cover it cuz it’s considered sterilization. I’ll talk to Tom and perhaps we can check it out. Maybe after April, cuz this is when he thinks we can go to Disneyland.

Now here’s the best news of the day. I called the American Cancer Society and every other month they have 4 quit-smoking classes free of charge! They begin at 6:30 and run for 1-1½ hours. The next 4 classes are on the 8th, 10th, 15th and 17th and I’m really looking forward to giving it a shot.

Hey, it’s noon Eastern time now, so I want to go try calling that girl Minnie. Hope she and everyone else is thrilled at the fact that they’re in for yet another killer snowstorm! Hee hee!

Later…

It sure is beautiful out and I did lay out some, but it’s just so boring. Especially with not being able to swim. The only thing I miss about apartments is that their pools and Jacuzzis are heated year-round. I did get a little more color, so I won’t bitch about that.

I tried calling Minnie, but there was no answer. I’ll go try again.

Just got another letter from Kim. There was no article in it and this letter also sounds as if she had yet to find out about Bob.

I finally got in touch with Minnie, but she didn’t tell me anything I don’t already know. She couldn’t give me his address.

Later…

I just watched this talk show all about teenage girls in gangs. How sad, sick and disgusting.

I set the VCR to record A Current Affair, Unsolved Mysteries, Law & Order and Now. I really paid close attention as I was programming it, so if it doesn’t come out, I won’t be to blame.

Andy’s off tomorrow, so we’ll probably gab on the phone with one another at some point.

I’m pretty bushed now, so I’m going to hit the sack.

TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 1994 Tom’s address labels did come yesterday and he really likes them.

I got up at 8 PM and he’d been home for an hour. He made us Hamburger Helper. Then he watched Star Trek and I took a bath. Then he licked my pussy and we did laundry. At 11 PM he went to bed.

I idiotically taped the wrong fucking channel. I went to record a movie on channel 12 but got fucking Murphy Brown and some other bullshit on channel 10 instead.

I took some graph paper Tom gave me and made two envelopes. One to Kim and one to Fran. I colored in the squares. I typed Kim a letter and tomorrow I’ll probably get a letter from her.

I updated my checkbook. This month I’ll be getting $446 with SSI and SS combined. I got Tom’s $300 check ready. Also, I wrote a check for $10.79 for my monthly sewing machine payment, $34 for 100 stamped envelopes, and $22.80 for 3 new styles of labels. They’re very hard to describe, so when I do get them, I’ll stick them in here. Or the next book, more likely. Cuz they won’t arrive till the middle of this month and by then I very well oughta be in journal #60!

Now I need some coffee.

Later…

I just spent the last hour or so making up 5 more envelopes with really cool patterns. I did one for my parents, Tammy, Lisa, Becky and Sarah.

My stomach’s driving me absolutely nuts now.

Anyway, Tom got up at 8:00 and then he did the bills. He wrote out the checks and I stuck them in their envelopes, stuck the stamps on and his address labels.

He made us some bacon and he had French toast.

Well, I’ve figured out in my mind the 4 different fonts I’ll use for Tammy and the girls. I’ll use Bodacious for Tammy, Harquil for Lisa, postscript for Becky, and Rounders for Sarah.

[ledenews]

Original ‘Gateway to the West’ Soon to Be Celebrated

Whether or not vehicular traffic returns this summer to the Wheeling Suspension Bridge, the historic span soon will be celebrated as the original pathway for pioneers who dared to spread the American dream westward more than a century ago. Raze International Inc. of Shadyside, Ohio has been hired to demolish the former Wheeling Inn at the corner of 10th and Main streets in downtown Wheeling, and once dilapidated, four-story structure is cleared, the bridge’s northeast corner will be exposed for the first time in more than 150 years. The hotel property was purchased for $1.7 million in January 2023 by the Wheeling Convention & Visitors Bureau, and since the non-profit has partnered with several entities to develop the corner into a heritage and welcome center for local residents, tourists, and travelers of Interstate 70. “We’re going to feature the Suspension Bridge like it’s never been featured before in the history of Wheeling,” insisted Frank O’Brien, the executive director of the Wheeling CVB. “It’s such an important part of the American story. This historic bridge played such an important role in the development of our great country, and it’s never been showcased in 150 years. The property at the corner of 10th and Main streets was purchased by the Wheeling Convention & Visitors Bureau for $1.7 million in January 2023. “There’s always been a structure that’s blocked the bridge’s northeast corner from clear view, but there will be several observation areas included in this heritage center project,” he explained. “When we’re finished with this property, it will be something that will let you appreciate what we have here because it’s going to be a visitor-slash-welcome-slash-culture center.” The nation’s first federally funded highway – the National Pike – was cut and cleared to reach Wheeling, Va. in 1817, but too often travelers had to wait until the Ohio River was passable aboard flatboats to continue their venture into the state of Ohio River. The 1,010-foot Suspension Bridge, in its original form, initially opened in 1849, but a wind storm in 1854 caused severe damage, reconstruction, and a re-opening a few years later. Its west side on Wheeling Island has been fully visible, but the span’s east-side towers have been hidden from sight for as long as anyone alive today can recall. That will change this summer. Raze International has agreed to clear the property for $500,000, and the project must secure the bridge during the demolition process. The company, according to O’Brien, now has a four-month window to complete the demo. For more than 150 years, the northeast corner of the Wheeling Suspension Bridge has been hidden by buildings. “We have worked non-stop to get to this point where we have a contractor to demolish the former hotel,” O’Brien said. “Thanks to the City of Wheeling and the coordination with the W.Va. EPA so they could help with the asbestos removal, we’re ready to go and I know there’s a lot of people who are anxious to see this property cleared of the blight. “The abatement has to happen first, and then the former hotel will come down, and we’re hoping they can get started as early the month of June. They have a four-month window, but we’re hoping the work will be done sooner than later,” he said. “After that, it’s going to be a green site while we develop what’s next for the property.” O’Brien confirmed the corner at 10th and Main will go green once the debris is cleared, and that the property will be utilized until new structures are designed and constructed on the parcels. The Wheeling CVB has partnered with the City of Wheeling, Ohio County, the state of West Virginia, Wheeling Heritage, and development firm Tipping Point. “Everything on the property – the hotel and the two parking lots – will be cleared to make way for what we’re discussing right now. Those conversations are very active,” O’Brien said. “I’m sure we’ll figure out how to use the property for the community before then, and we’re also talking about how we can celebrate the Wheeling Suspension Bridge more than we have in the past. “The Suspension Bridge is the original ‘Gateway to the West’ and history proves it, so that’s the history we need to remind ourselves of so we can promote it more for the people who visit the Wheeling area,” he said. “Our visitors love the history of this area and they are always asking us new questions, so highlighting the ‘Gateway of the West’ is something they will love.” https://ledenews.com/an-open-letter-to-wheelings-gateway-keepers https://ledenews.com/wheeling-ohio-county-cvb-buys-former-wheeling-inn-property-for-1-7-million Read the full article

[citylifeorg]

Brooklyn Bound: New York's Leading Artist-Led Fair The Other Art Fair Returns This May

Local Brooklyn Artists, Left: Morning Birdsong Through The Open Window Painting by Arlina Cai Middle: It’ll Last Longer Drawing by Charles Buckley Right: Time Lapse. 10th Street in the Rain, West Village, NYC Photograph – Limited Edition of 25 BY Xan Padron Presented by Saatchi Art, The Other Art Fair returns to Brooklyn for its 13th New York edition, bringing together a diverse array of…