#Wellbutrin good
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#Wellbutrin good#i can't believe no one has prescribed it to me#when i was on antidepressants before they only put me on zoloft and it didn't work and they kept just increasing it i#was on 200mg of the shit and it did nothing and stimulants that didn't work#but i feel great on Wellbutrin i can't tell if i have energy because it's making me not depressed or helping my adhd#I'm actually able to do task initiation?????????? hello?#this feels so weird. I've never felt like this in my life. i almost feel like I'm manic or something#like whoa#i can't believe they never thought to give this to me#even my doctor was surprised#too bad about my anxiety medication though that one almost sent me to the hospital lol
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giving in and trying ssris in a few days.
#talkys#unfortunately higher dose wellbutrin didnt do anything but give me temple pains and the regular dose doesnt do anything except#give me good sleep. which makes me so sad i wanted it to work#im so nervous abt dis i dont want any of the side effects im kmsing. but ive taken such a worse nosedive in mood recently#im literally scared❗
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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man I just wanna give Mike some of my Zoloft
thank god FINALLY ‼️‼️‼️
#me personally i am sliding him one of my wellbutrin and saying good luck mister#everyone pool your meds rn#asks
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for an upcoming project i bring you: the sillies
#sonic mania#amy rose#amy the hedgehog#metal sonic#i am so emotionally drained i have been crying over these damn rodents all day#wellbutrin what's good
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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The thing about SAD is that it's a very real, sometimes debilitating condition, but it also makes me feel so silly.
Like I was born and raised here and still I've got a brain that's like "holy shit it's way too cold and dark, we absolutely cannot make any of the good chemicals until we fix that" and I'm like "until we fix... the existence of winter? the thing we've experienced 28 times already?" and my brain is like "exactly"
and THEN it feels even sillier to be like "well if I want my brain to make any good chemicals for about 7 months of the year, I need to plug in a special lamp and sit in front of the special lamp every single morning, because if I don't I get extra sad"
#I know it's now officially not its own thing in the DSM#but the DSM is not the boss of me#and 'I have recurrent depression with a seasonal pattern' is way less snappy than 'I have SAD'#anyways shoutout to wellbutrin and my lightbox and exercise routines#anti-shoutout to 'there's no bad weather only bad clothes' people#once you pass the age where you can wear snowpants everywhere in the winter there is absolutely no such thing as good clothes for the winte#my legs get so cold even if I get a long coat
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crazy how 90% of my depressions is literally just because of the fatigue. like atm ritalin is helping a lot with it and i feel so much fucking better on the days i take it
#i still need rest time but like. in between that i feel more functional than i have in like. at least a year#not as good as before all of this but still. huge difference#i'm worried the effectiveness will fade over time like it kind of did with wellbutrin. knocks on wood#buzz buzz
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Having ADHD but only having it just enough to get the like 2 symptoms left out of every conversation about ADHD fills me with an apathy that has no practical solution. Rolling up to the ADHD conversation like "Some days I can't focus and everything pisses me off and the best I can do is lay on the floor with music on and scowl at the ceiling until it stops because if I don't then I'll be mean to other people because I have no patience when I get like that" just makes everyone side-eye you because they immediately jump to the conclusion that you want to commit unspeakable acts of violence.
But a lot of people don't know that this is something people with ADHD can experience. The only time I ever see it mentioned is when I go out of my way to find research on it...
#textpost#I'm actually in a really good mood right now and had a really good day but I've been thinking about this for a while#Like I've been to a behavioral specialist this IS ADHD albeit a milder form of it but NO ONE ever talks about the Grumpy Threshold™️-#-in conversations about ADHD. It's always about how it makes people loud and easily excitable#Which are also symptoms of ADHD and I recognize that those symptoms are significantly more common than the main ones I experience#But it would be nice if there was more awareness about the cranky side of it lol#It doesn't make me physically violent or an absolute asshole it's just like being annoyed by everything cranked up to 11#Turbo grumpy. Low heat simmering frustration#Wellbutrin's helped a lot and I've figured out most of the things that causes it so I can avoid them#(shrill sounds/voices and ASMR are two big ones. *Especially* ASMR)#But some days I wake up and my brain chooses anger and there's nothing I can do about it besides ride it out rofl#Anyway thank you for coming to my TED Talk I have to go to sleep now good night
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The anhedonia is really bad right now. I would feel better if every day was raining, cold, and always monday, and everyone else would be miserable and I'd just blend in.
#this bout of wellbutrin-can't-overpower-this depression better end before June 13th#i am really good at focusing on my job when I'm depressed at least#the secret of my success lol#super productive at work but feel like i have no soul#cyclic dysthymia#personal
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Starting a new med is like. I’m on drugs dot com making sure I know everything about it. I’m reading the reviews. Literally no information I get about it will change my actions or impact me in any way but I can’t stand not knowing.
#mine#disorderposting#ya boy is getting an ATypical AntiPsychotic#which my mom has thought I could use for a while#but I think it made sense to experiment w Wellbutrin first#bc bupropion has a good track record in pwADHD#and also it has a very good side effect profile
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(WIP!!!)
Andrei sitting alone at the Hotel's defunct bar :]
#hes so depressed#id say get this man on some wellbutrin or something but he already has a pill popping addiction#pop some pills that r good for u old man. fuck#heart hollow#oc#original characters#andrei wright#max draws#art wip#wip#work in progress#ocs#unfinished
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I was scrolling and saw your art and it made me really happy because I realized you made time and time again!!!
It’s literally one of my favorite things I’ve ever read, so cool!!!
This is so sweet, thank you for sharing!
It's sort of "illusion breaking" so to speak, to think of my art being both out there in a way that someone could happen upon it, and then further that someone may happen upon it twice, and finally that on doing so they find it recognizable...
I always think of myself and my work as something that sort of sits behind the curtain. The idea that it might take up space in this way is unreal!
This is the kind of thing that means more than you could imagine.
So thank you!
#asks#anon#kind words#this really means so much to me!!!#I'm so glad you like my guys and I'm so glad you've found me here!#you'll get to see plenty of them hahaha#I hope to return with the series soon!#I mean I say soon vaguely...#I've only finished 3 episodes. I'm still working on writing.#I also STARTED TAKING WELLBUTRIN#and this shit slaps#I didnt realize how anxious I was ltierally all the time#it's helping so much#I'm getting so much more done#I'm excited to go to bed#because I'm excited to get up in the morning#and because I know that tomorrow will be able to be a good day...#before it was sorta like. well tomorrow might suck so I better milk this mediocre day for all it's worth.#and then getting up meant facing everything that scares me#but like. omg.#world of a difference...#wow#there might even be something better out there for me cause the executives arent really functioning at the moment#but as of now I'm going from like 20% to like 70% maybe#which is.#holy shit#I might talk about this more later cause wow
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FUCK man the quencies……….
#just connected how im feeling with me missing my antidepressants over the weekend goddamn it#honestly not a big fan of the reminder that without it i DO want to die just a bit but it’s fiiiiine#frankly just more proof high school me is stronger than any us marine she was undiagnosed unmedicated AND in high school like pick a struggl#anyway. fuck I don’t Feel Good HFKSNDNJD#i’ll BE fine in time I just gotta get thru the suck and I think that’s gonna be the rest of the night#by tomorrow we’ll have a vibe reset and another round of my lexapro/wellbutrin in the system and also amphetamines#so we’ll be all good 👍#assuming the uh. The Event doesn’t go very badly overnight
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idk how i managed to catch the attention of like. objectively the coolest person on the planet. but i am very grateful for it. anyway tumblr is now a blocked website on my phone i am doing everything in my power to limit my screentime. hello from my laptop
#i also haven't smoked weed in over a month#and haven't experienced the desire to#so that's pretty cool#idk how much of it is the wellbutrin vs just having things going on in my life but. i feel pretty good all things considered#weird.#almost like. regular marijuana usage can make you feel Worse. hmmm#like i said. i think me and boytoy are very good for each other :)
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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