#We’re doing this ugly and scared peeps

[theanonymousninja247]

For Miss @tapakah0 based off her “Jacobs Ladder AU”

Words can not adequately express how this little scene moved me. Leo and Mikey are very near and dear to my heart, so to see such a tender moment between two younger brothers is EVERYTHING to me.

King is such a powerful statement as well because younger Leo wanted nothing more than to be recognized by his brothers as someone worth noticing hence dubbing himself as “King Leo.” So to see Leo cRaDLiNg his littler brother and giving him the title Leo has wanted so much as a child just…it hit me man. Mikey is Leo’s hero and I really wanted to try and capture that moment of the relief and joy of seeing his brother come back even if it was just for a moment. Also *tips hat and bows in Tapa’s direction* Been a big fan for a fat moment ma’am and just want to express my gratitude for you doing what you’re doing. Words won’t ever be enough to express how incredibly impressed and in awe of your skill and abilities. You’re inspiring people honey, and the worlds honestly a better place because of what YOU do.

Please please PLEASE don’t forget that and know you are loved 😉🧡

[unsaidmar]

Call.

a/n: hello peeps! this is a request! thank you for liking what i write, it means the world to me. love y'all. requests still open. 

wc: 1.5k hehe

warning: mentions of death, curse words, sad stuff.

pairing: spencer x bau! reader.

plot: For the first time, you’re not where he is. It drives you crazy. 

--------------

You considered yourself quite the resilient person. Emotions got to you but never incapacitated you. Danger was a given in the career path you had chosen and the prospect of it was something you were used to, but never like this. It was always your own life you were worried about, but the BAU had taken the grasp you had on your job and your reality and completely redifined it.

Being guarded with your emotions and affections was a defense mechanism you had developed thanks to your experience in law enforcement. People always got hurt and you had to move on from it, that’s just how it was. But the BAU was the one to break the mold.

Those people had been through a lot together, the good, the bad and the ugly. They had seen it all and done it all, and now you were a part of it. They took you in and accepted you like you hadn’t just joined the team and you let them. Soon enough, Rossi was walling you “kid” and kissing both your cheeks when he greeted you, Morgan was fist bumping you when you made stupid jokes and you were going out to dinner with Emily, JJ and Penelope. Not one of them hesitated to put their life on the line with or for you, and it shook your world.

All of a sudden it wasn’t just yourself you had to worry about, because every person walking into burning buildings and hostage situations with you was your family. You loved every one of them and losing them scared you a lot, enough to feel like your heart was beating out of your chest whenever they were in danger.

And still, you had to go and fall in love.

Spencer had woven himself into your life, your routine, your work life and eventually your heart. It felt like he was marking his territory before he knew he was doing it, something resembling a person moving into your home, but the things he left behind were more than a toothbrush or a book. He left his mark in little things you incorporated into your life and it slowly transformed the both of you into a collage of each other.

He started drinking soy milk when you convinced him it was not bad and that subjecting himself to the pain of being lactose intolerant and still consuming milk, wasn’t worth it. You stopped leaving your windows open at night when he freaked you out about stray cats taking residence in your couch and potential burglars getting in. And those absolutely inconsequential things were forever going to be a gift you had given each other, no matter what came out of your relationship, even if you went your separate ways. Which, you never did.

Three years into working at the BAU, and two into your relationship with Spencer, you got married. The both of you figured that the wait was not necessary because you knew very early on that that was it, you were it. Next thing you knew, your fourth wedding anniversary was coming up, and so were many other things.

After getting kidnapped and shot, you were never the same. You had come to terms with dying, you wanted it to happen so you didn’t have to deal with the inevitable trauma that came with surviving, but you weren’t that lucky. Everyone had been worried about you and the living ghost look you were sporting. It looked like you were re living the situation in your head every moment you were awake, and that was indeed the case. It haunted you when you were sleeping and it consumed you when you were awake, so Hotch made you take a break.

Stubbornness was your thing, so he took away your badge any other form of ID that could get you into the building, he didn’t answer your calls and only texted your work cellphone to ask you to stop asking him to reinstate you. Being alone with your thoughts was hell. Having your family out there risking their lives without you was even worse.

“Hey Spence, it’s me again… um... could you let me know if you’ve been getting my texts? It’s just that… you never not text me back and I’m getting worried. Is that too much? I’m probably being ridiculous. Anyways, call me back. Or text. Just let me know you’re okay. I love you.” You sighed and put your phone down for what felt like the twentieth time in the last half hour.

This had never been the case. You were never the worried spouse that had to rely on phone calls or texts to communicate or to even know your husband was alive. It made you empathize with Will, with Haley. It made you want to ask them for advice on not going crazy. Your mind was already going rouge.

I can’t be a widow. I can’t mourn the love of my life, how does anyone? What happens if I lose him? How foolish of me to have dismissed this when we got married. We’re FBI agents, for the love of God. We point guns and have them pointed back at us for a living. I’ll have to take my ring off. Do I keep it? I can’t look at it if he’s gone. Who picks out the dress for the funeral? If I have to do it, I’ll go insane. I can’t bury him; I can’t go watch them lower him to the ground. I will just cremate him and split his ashes so his mom has him too. His mom. That woman won’t be able to bear outliving her baby. God, please pick up the fucking phone.

You: Honey, please text me back!!! Have someone text me for you, idc.

You: Spence, charge your phone.

You: Why is Derek not texting me back either?

You: Are you angry at me?

You: I’d rather you tell me if you’re angry. Don’t ghost me when you’re on a case.

You: Spencer.

You: I’m calling Penny.

Three rings it took for Penelope to answer.

“Hi my sweet, beautiful, ____. How can I be of assistance to you at this indecent hour of the morning/night?” She chirped, her tone already relaxing you. She would be the first to know if something had gone wrong.

“Hi Penny, do you have any word on the team? I keep calling and texting Spencer and he hasn’t gotten back to me. It’s been like three hours.” You said, holding back the tears.

“Oh, sweet stuff. Last I heard, they were delivering the profile. They’re in Kansas and there was a tornado warning. The power is out. Maybe all of their phones ran out of battery.” She tried to reassure you, like always, already knowing what was happening in your head. “Is everything okay? Have you slept?”

“Not really. Spence stopped replying and I got anxious.”

“Don’t worry hun, bad news travel fast.”

“Yeah, yeah… you’re right. I should…”

Before you could finish your sentence, the door creaked open and you saw a defeated looking Spencer hang his jacket and take his shoes off trying to be quiet, assuming you were asleep. You felt the color come back to your face and you dropped the phone on the couch without even making sure you had ended the call.

“Oh, thank God.” You ran to him and aggressively hugged him. Much to your embarrassment, the tears you were trying so hard to hold back were now streaming down your face.

“Hey, hey…” He took in your appearance and instantly worried about you. “What happened? Is everything okay?”

“What the fuck happened to your phone? And everyone else’s for that matter!” You said, letting go of him and raising your voice without meaning to. Spencer knew you never yelled, so he was taken aback by your words.

“It died, ___, four hours ago, the power went out and the generator wasn’t working. Why are you screaming?” He rushed out.

“Because you never texted me back and I thought you were dead!” Your voice was a lot calmer now, much more frustrated and tired.

“Honey, I’m so sorry, everything happened so fast, I didn’t even think about my phone. I didn’t mean to make you angry; I promise.”

“I’m not angry, baby. At least not at you. I hate being here and not out there with you. I can’t sit around and wait for you to give me proof of life. it’s driving me insane and it has only happened once.” You groaned, choking back quiet sobs now. “I can’t lose you. I can’t be the last to find out.” You fell to the couch like your legs had stopped working.

Your husband was looking at you like he didn’t even think about that, like the realization had just hit him. You couldn’t blame him, neither of you were used to that dynamic of checking your phones because the one person you would want to update was always along for the ride.

“Baby, you’re not going to lose me. I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll care more about my phone. I didn’t mean to worry you.” He said, crouching to be eye to eye with you and taking your hands.

“No, no..I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous, I went crazy. You shouldn’t have to do that…” You kissed his knuckles and slid down the couch to sit on the floor with him. All you wanted was to be near him. You put your arms around his neck and whispered. “I love you, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was losing it. I’m not used to this feeling of not knowing where you are or if you’re okay, I felt helpless.”

“It’s okay hun, I get it, I love you too. We’re both new to this whole being-a part thing. If I’m honest, I don’t like it.” He pulled you to his lap so you were tangled up like a koala.

“I hate it. It 's the worst. I’m done with this break”

“Hotch is just looking out for you, he wanted to give you your space after the accident. You can talk to him and see how he feels about you coming back.” His reassuring words were already lightening the mood, and you were grateful he was fine. Once the adrenaline died down, the sleep you had been missing hit you like a ton of bricks. You stifled a yawn and planted a kiss on Spencer’s forehead.

“You’re tired. Let’s go to sleep.” He took notice of your droopy eyelids and went to stand up. “Have you been awake all this time?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t just go to bed.” You replied, removing yourself from his lap and taking his hand.

“Come on, let’s crash. I’m off tomorrow, we don’t have to wake up early.”

Oh, thank the lord.

“I’ll go to sleep, but I have one condition.” You said with your best attempt at a mischievous grin.

“What is it?” Spencer asked, knowing that tone and that face all too well.

“Get a stupid portable charger.”

[melaninkpopimagines]

Crave

Daddy Woo x Reader 

Word Count: 4442

Warning: Smut 

Author: Admin Jae 

“These are the last papers to sign," the owner said. 

“Thank you. It was a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Of course when you start making money” he slyly said. 

“And I will" you guaranteed. 

“Thank you for your time," he said. You happily shook his hand. 

You looked around the entire place envisioning everyone enjoying themselves with food, chefs hard at work, hosting various themed events and gaining celebrity attention. You smelled the fresh cool air of the new rental space that will turn into your very own soul food restaurant. 

3 Weeks Later. 

“Dang it where is everyone at?” you scoffed to yourself. “Am I doing something wrong?” 

“No, you're still doing a good job as always.” Chel said. Chel is one of your closest friends. You two met in college as roommates and were inseparable ever since. You wouldn't trade her for the world. She was your first investor to your restaurant. You promised to pay her back in full. She flew out to Korea to see you and help run the business with you. 

“Thanks Chel.” you smiled. “I couldn't have done this without you.” 

“Girl, it’s no problem at all. I would do anything for you.” Chel said. 

You stood at the front entrance with your arms folded, you were worried. 

“We're near one of the most populated areas in Seoul and no one hasn't come in” you stressed. 

“Here have a glass of wine.” Chel tried to hand it to you. 

“Chel, I love you but this is not the time nor the place to drink while the restaurant is opened!” you scolded. 

“What?! you worry too much. I'm just trying to help.” Chel said drinking the glass herself. 

You continue to stare out the window with people steadily walking past. 

“Where is everyone?” Minhyuk peeped his head out the kitchen door. Minhyuk has been with you two since the business opened. He walked in asking to be your cook after seeing your ad online. 

“I don't know," you said.

Minhyuk came from behind the door teasing “What did you do? Scare everyone off?”

“Maybe your food was terrible" you teased back. Minhyuk made a playful sad face then laughed. 

“I wish it was that easy, then I must be really ugly.” you chuckled. 

“Far from it” Minhyuk complimented. 

You smiled. “Your food is terrific by the way. I just wished people would COME in so they could see for themselves.” 

“I’ve got an idea.” you said. 

“What?” Chel asked, pouring another glass of wine. 

“What if we gave people flyers of the restaurant?” you suggested. 

“I'm down with that.” she agreed. 

You head to the office to create festive flyers. You came out feeling proud of yourself. 

You handed out a handful. 

“Are you sure it'll work?” Minhyuk said. 

“It has to.” you insisted. “I'm running out of options.” An idea sparked again. “Or better yet…. what if we gave out samples of items on our menu?” 

“Let's do it," Chel supported. “People will know how good our food is.” 

“Exactly” you agreed. “It's worth a shoot.”

“What kind of samples should we make?” you mumbled flipping through the entire menu. You scanned the menu in seconds, analyzing what would be a popular item. “Any ideas?” Minhyuk questioned. 

“Yeah, a few" you mumbled. “Ok, here's what we're going to do.” 

Everyone stood at attention. 

“We are going to create appetizer samples of fried chicken poppers as well as a small cup of homemade mac and cheese.” 

“Alright, on it!” Minhyuk heads to the kitchen to get started. 

“You think we can pull this off. Rent is due at the end of the week.” Chel asked. 

“Hey, I thought I was the one that was supposed to be worried.” you corrected.

“You're right.” Chel smiled heading to the kitchen with Minhyuk. 

“I hope you're not too drunk to help out.” you called out. 

“Of course not.” Chel giggled. 

You flipped the sign to the front door ‘CLOSED’ it wouldn't make much difference since no one came in. 

“So exactly how many samples do you want to make?” Minhyuk started to cook. 

“At least a hundred samples maybe” you speculated. 

“A hundred sounds good," Chel nodded, handing you an apron. 

You three spent the next hour and half fixing samples for the locals. You covered the food in wrapping paper. You rolled out a little food cart with an umbrella attached to the top. You guys walked over to a crowded shopping area with a small one way road cars slowly passed through. 

You three reached an intersection. “Should we get started?” Minhyuk asked. 

“Yep.” you said as you finished the final touches to the stand. 

Minhyuk began randomly walking up to people handing out samples and flyers on his tray. He even went out his way pointing in the general direction of the restaurant. 

You and Chel did the same. 

You had people reject your offer, they were in a rush to their next destination. Luckily, you guys ran into some tourists. You hoped they would stop by eventually while they were in Korea. 

After giving away samples and flyers, Chel and Minhyuk took the remaining samples and headed back. You stayed behind cleaning the cart off. You heard a motorcycle in the distance, but you didn't pay it any mind. 

You reached a small intersection around the corner from the restaurant. The motorcycle became louder. You looked both ways in the crosswalk. You saw a guy on the motorcycle, he was far back, so you figured you'll have ample time to cross. As you walked, one of the wheels got caught in the small pothole in the street. 

You looked up at the motorcycle coming closer and closer. You tried your hardest to push the cart but it wouldn't budge. Your heart was racing, you were about to panic. The motorcycle sped closer. 

This is it. I'm going to die. 

The motorcycle made a sudden stop and swerved in front of you and managed to reach a stopping point on the sidewalk. 

A guy stepped off the motorcycle. His dark was slicked back with a fade on each side. His entire outfit was black with just a sliver chain hanging from his jeans. He had the most intimidating look on his face and to add his height made you feel smaller. 

“What the hell is your problem?” he spoke in a rough deep voice that stirred you up. 

“What the hell is yours? You could have hit me” you retaliated. 

“Couldn't you have waited until I passed?” he asked. 

“I thought I would make it in time until one of the wheels on the cart got caught in the pothole, so if you'll excuse me” you continued struggling. 

He looked underneath the cart to see for himself. 

“Let me help.” he said. You both grabbed each side of the cart pushed as hard as you could. The wheel broke free. 

“Thank you.” you said. 

“No problem.” he said, smirking “What do you sell?” 

“I wasn't selling anything. I was giving samples away.” you answered while pushing the cart away onto the sidewalk. 

“Samples of what? Hair products, make-up, facial masks….” he guessed. 

“For your information, it was food. I own a restaurant nearby.” you corrected him. 

“Let me push it for you.” he offered. 

“No, I'm fine.” you denied. “But thank you, I'm not far from here.” you continued walking. 

“Umm….who's watching your motorcycle?” you cautioned hoping he would leave.

“No one's going to touch it.” he replied and continued to walk beside you. He kept his eyes on you, studying you. You couldn't clearly look him in the face without feeling embarrassed yet you felt completely comfortable. You were smitten. 

“Again thank you for your help!” you said

“No problem, maybe I can give you a ride sometime,” he asked. You froze in place. 

“You never rode a motorcycle before?” he asked. 

“No.” you shyly laughed. 

“Maybe, I can change that,” he smirked. Your eyes slightly widen, thinking eroticly. 

“Mmm. I'll think about it.” you said as you both stepped in front of the restaurant. “Well, here I am.” 

“This is your restaurant?” he asked. You spotted Chel and Minhyuk spying on you. 

He looked up and noticed something. “I like how you played with the words,” he remarked. As you pushed the cart into the restaurant. You noticed he was looking up at the title. Se(ou)l Food. 

“Thanks, I hope to one day bring a little soul into Seoul” you winked at him. Omg, did I just wink at him. Christ. 

“That's a plus. I could use a little soul myself. “ he winked back smiling at you . You shyly smiled. 

“Yep. I just opened about three weeks ago.” you answered. “ Listen, well thank you for not killing me, how could I ever repay you?” you spoke in a mockingly girly voice. 

“A ride" he answered. You nearly choked to his request. “A what?” you gasped. “Take a ride with me on my motorcycle". He smirked. “What did you think I mean?”

“Uhhhh...mmm” you hesitated. “Listen I'll see you around.” He winked before walking off. 

You stumbled back in the restaurant, flustered. “Girl, who was that?” Chel asked. 

“Someone who could have hit me” you answered. 

“I guess he didn’t hit it hard enough,” Chel suggested. “CHEL NO!” you shrieked. “What? We both know you could use some. You’re so tense. ” Chel smiled.

“Omg, not now. I have a business to run and I’m praying we can make some progress and actually get customers in here soon” you sighed.  

Within the next week, business started to come along and business picked up on Friday nights. Koreans and Tourists alike. Customers really enjoyed your food and posted their reviews on social media. 

As business continues, you never thought you’d see him again. 

………

Distracted, “What can I get you?” you stared down at the notepad ready for an order. A familiar voice spoke, “I guess those samples really did pay off, Uh?”  

“Oh God” you mumbled to yourself. You took your eyes off your notepad to see him smiling at you. “What are you doing here?” you seethed. 

“What else am I here for?” he replied. 

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” you insisted. 

“Relax, Baby Girl, I’m here to eat with my friend here. You looked across the table to see a gentleman politely wave. “Hi, you must be the girl, Woo was talking about.” 

“Oh, so you’ve been talking about me?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean what can I say” he smirked as he shrugged his shoulders. 

“Well if it’s any consolation, I’m happy you came to see how good the food is yourself” you smiled. 

“No problem” he skimmed the menu. “Let me have a cheeseburger, fries, and a beer. He slowly closed the menu and looked at his friend to say his order. “Yeah, let me have fried chicken, with a side of mac and cheese and collard greens”. 

“Sure, not a problem, I’ll get those orders for you”. You smiled while collecting their menus. You felt him staring at you as you walked away. You walked quickly into the kitchen so he wouldn’t see your reaction. 

“Girl, did you see a ghost?” Chel asked as she was preparing to hand plates of food out the door. 

You swallowed and spoke, “I’m fine, but he’s here”. Chel eyes widen in excitement. “He came back” Chel peeped through the kitchen double doors and saw him sitting with his friend. “Omg, girl, yeah he likes you. He wants to see you”. 

“Now is not the time for all of this, we need to focus and provide everyone with a good experience” you remained calm. 

“Minhyuk, I have another order for you for booth 3” you placed the ticket on tab grabber. “Got it,” he shouted. “Let me know when you need a break, I’ll jump in and cook” you shouted back. I’m taking a break in about 5 minutes, so if you can take over then” he mentioned as he dumped a new batch of chicken into the fryer and placed french fries into another fryer. “I gotcha” you said. 

“Chel, if you can remain a waitress for me while I cook” you asked. “No problem girl, I got it” she left the kitchen to tend to the table. 

You didn’t know which was hotter, seeing him or being in the kitchen cooking. You grabbed the hamburger from the massive fridge and placed it on the grill and continued to monitor the chicken frying. One thing you knew: collard greens and mac and cheese were popular side dishes, each day you keep these pots filled with hot food.  You started to create side dishes. You cooked both sides of the burger perfectly and placed a slice of cheese, it slowly started to melt. You hurried and grabbed two brioche buns and buttered them and placed on the grill for one minute. The chicken and fries finished cooking, you placed them both in individual racks to drain. You created his plate and lightly seasoned his fries with sea salt, created his cheeseburger with every topping. It was massive. I hope he’ll be able to eat all of this. You created his friend’s dish, you prepared to give him a thigh, leg and wing with collards and mac and cheese served in individual stone bowls. You also included a small basket of hush puppies. Chel burst through the doors, you jumped so hard. “Another order”. Minhyuk came back prepared to work again. “Thank you for covering me,” he said. 

“No problem” you said. “Hey Chel, take these orders out to booth 3 for me, I didn’t realize how much time passed” you remarked. 

You noticed every time you cooked, you were always in a daze, time always slipped away from you. 

"Minhyuk, Chel came back with another order" you said. 

"No problem" he said as you walked out the kitchen doors. You and Chel continued to wait tables. Each moment, you could get you glanced over at him eating. He was holding a piece of the burger with a fork. He was almost done with his food. Each bite he took, he savored. He licked his lips. 

You went over to his table. "How's everything?" you asked. 

"So far, it's really good," he said as he wiped his hands and mouth with a napkin. His friend nodded in agreement. 

"I'm Woo by the way" he introduced himself. "This is my friend Tres." 

"Hi, nice to meet you" you smiled. "I'll take your plates if you're finished" stacking their plates together. 

"Thank you". You smiled and hurried to the kitchen. 

You staked the plates in the dishwasher. You looked down at your watch only to see an hour and half left in time till closing. 

You stepped out of the kitchen to say good-bye to him. 

He was gone. 

You stepped to his table to see he left a $50 dollar tip. Tips aren't necessary in Korea. You continued to collect the remaining dishes on the table and wiped the tables and seats for more customers to be seated.

The next hour and half flew by. After Chel escorted the last customers out. You, Chel and Minhyuk collapsed into the chairs. Exhausted, you went back into the kitchen and gave Minhyuk and Chel a bottle of water to cool down. 

"Well, you guys we did it!" you exclaimed. "It was successful for sure" 

"Alright let's clean up a bit, you guys go home and get some rest" you said. 

Minkyuk and Chel took care of the kitchen while you took care of the dining area. You started stacking the chairs onto the tables. And began swiping the floor. 

You went to the register and started counting the money and creating the deposit. You took what was left and paid Chel and Minhyuk. Agreement was met with them being paid on the weekly basis. 

"We're done with the kitchen, the food is set in the fridge, we cleaned the fryers, and everything else" Minkyuk reported. 

"Thank you, I appreciate it," you said. 

"Should we wait for you?" Chel asked. 

"No, you two go ahead. I need to mop the floor" you said. "I'll see y'all tomorrow" you smiled. 

Minhyuk and Chel waved good-bye and left. 

You locked the doors behind them. 

You went back into the kitchen and grabbed the mop bucket cart and began to mop the floors. You were almost finished mopping the floor near the entrance. 

Lost in thought, you didn't care for the slight knock at the door. The sign says closed. 

The knock continues. 

"We're closed!" you shouted. The knock continues. You finally look up to see him standing at the door. 

You walked to the entrance to unlock the door, he's smiling at you. 

You opened, "Can I help you?" 

"Can I come in?" he asked. 

"For what?" you asked. 

"To talk," he replied. 

You sighed and let him in. 

As you walked towards the mop bucket, you advised him. "Watch your step, I just mopped the floor. So don't fall". 

He stepped carefully into the restaurant, you motioned him to follow you into the kitchen. You placed the mop bucket into the back room and came out. He was standing there observing the kitchen and the set up. "This is nice," he said. 

"Thank you" you smiled. 

"You left in quite a hurry earlier" you remembered. 

"Yeah, I did. I had all the more reason to come back" he responded. 

"Why?" you asked. 

"Because I didn't even ask you for your name," he answered. He stepped closer to you. His presence was overwhelming you. 

"It's ummm…. Y/N" you swallowed. The cologne he was wearing, heightened your senses. Damn, he smells good. 

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked. 

"No why?" 

"I have a tendency to make people feel intimidated”. You were a little nervous. However, you definitely didn't want him to notice. You kept calm. 

"I was at first when you were about to hit me with your motorcycle" you smirked. 

"I told you I wasn't going to hit you, honest to God" he chuckled. 

"If you say so" you reckoned. 

"So why are you here exactly?" you asked. "I know you didn't come all this way just for my name" you folded your arms. 

"No, not just for your name. How about that ride?" he asked. 

"Not today, I had a long day as you saw. Tell you what let's postpone it for another time, deal?" you proposed.

"Deal" he said. "You know the face you made when I said ride when we first met?" he asked. 

Shit, he saw. 

"I...don't know what you're talking about" you denied. 

"I believe you do," he stepped closer. 

You were backed against the kitchen counter. You felt his aura engulfing yours. You started breathing slightly heavier. 

“I know you wanted to see me too,” he whispered. “That’s why I came back, to be alone with you”. He continued "…..let me taste you". He stared into your eyes. 

You closed your eyes and you both leaned in for a kiss. His plump lips were soft and smooth. You pulled yourself closer to him. His arms wrapped around you, you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer for more. You felt yourself become lighter and pulled away to breathe. 

You both looked at each other. It was clear, you both wanted more than a kiss. 

You both dove in for another kiss. This time, he picked you up in his arms and sat you down on the kitchen counter. He was all over you. You wanted it that way. 

You both frivolously removed every layer of clothing. His arms and lower torso were covered in tattoos. His kisses were becoming more passionate and intense. You moaned in his mouth. He kissed your neck, working his way down. He was so warm. 

You slowly parted your legs open. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes" 

“I may not go easy” 

“Neither will I,” you smirked. 

He stroked his swollen girth, while licking his lips. He wants to tear you apart. He leaned for another kiss as he slowly slid inside your pulsing warmth. You immersed yourself fully into his presence as he stretched you. 

He groaned in your ear. “Fuck baby girl.” 

You gasped as he pulled you closer to him, you felt all of him. He steadily snapped his hips into you. You felt yourself becoming more wet with each tug and pull to your tight pink walls. 

His pace increased with each passing moment. You tilted your head back savoring every moment. 

“Hold on to me,” he said. He scooped you in his arms, holding onto him he lifted you off the kitchen counter, he held your legs in place and proceeded to plummet into you, your juices spilled out of you. You started to whimper out loud. “I love how well you take this dick,” he whispered. You hung onto him tightly, you scratched his back. You were drowning in his sex. He kissed you harder as bounced on his dick, you moaned into his mouth. “Woo”. You felt yourself losing control, your body was his. He made sure it was. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. He placed you back on the kitchen counter, he lifted your legs over his shoulders.“I’m not going anywhere” he whispered, softly kissing you, his pace became deep and sensual. “Cum all over this dick,” he groaned. 

He started deep into your eyes, as he kept his pace. He wanted to see your reaction as he quickened. Your face said it all. All he needed was confirmation, you were enjoying yourself, you were enjoying him. Your core began to tighten, you were ready to release, shivers ran throughout your body. You were barely able to hang on at this point. Woo saw you were about to reach your max. He gripped your sides to hold you in place as he rapidly tore you to pieces. He was becoming too much, you tried to push him off but you were too weak. 

“I can’t hold it any longer!” you moaned loudly. He immediately felt your warm liquids squirted out your stretched pussy. He pulled away, as you climaxed in front of him. You trembled in place until your orgasm  stopped. You saw him staring at you. You wanted to hide, you were embarrassed. 

Still stroking his hardened member, he rubbed it against your sensitive pussy wanting to see more juices sprinkle out. 

Your eyes widened in astonishment as you cried out in pleasure, more juices came out of you. You felt your body being numb. You didn’t know how much more you would take from him. You realized he wasn’t finished with you yet. You slowly assumed into position, with your feet touching the floor, your legs widened for him again. Your breast touched the warm surface of the kitchen counter where your back was on. He approached from behind, slid his dick inside once more. Your back arched for him to touch the most vulnerable parts of your wet dripping pussy. He gazed in awe as he tapped your ass from behind. Your skin collided with his, clapping in unison as he took control again. You continuously moaned his name out loud as you felt yourself slipping in a daze. He landed heavy slaps on both of your cheeks, making his hand print on your skin. 

He grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled your head back a little as he kept his pace. You turned to face him, he kissed you. He placed his hand on your right breast, rubbing your nipple. 

“Fuck” he groaned. “You feel amazing Y/N” 

“So do you” you whispered. He pounded and pounded and pounded into you until his thrusts started to become more sloppy, he was reaching his max. “Woo, it’s alright” you said. You figured he knew what you meant. 

He slipped out of consciousness as he came inside of you. His length released more cum than you had anticipated. He held onto you. He was breathing deeply. He remained inside of you for a few more minutes before pulling out. His thick cum seeped out of you. He hurried and grabbed a towel to clean up both of your messes. 

He walked up to you and kissed you some more. He held you in your arms. “Are you ok? Did I hurt you?” he asked. 

“No, I’m fine” you smiled. “It’s just been a while”  

You looked down at your watch. It’s getting late. 

As you both began to get dressed. “Let me take you home,” he offered. “I know it’s late, the trains don’t run at this time. Taxi Drivers aren’t the best at this time either”. He had a point. 

You nodded your head. “Sure, thank you.” 

You wondered if that would be it between the two of you. Just a one night stand. 

You cleaned the kitchen counter off and turned all the lights off. Woo followed you out as you locked the door. 

His car was parked right outside the restaurant. “What happened to your motorcycle?” you asked. 

“Nothing, I figured to bring my car” he said as he opened the door for you. You got inside the passenger seat. “Where to?” he asked. 

“I live in Gangnam” you said “I’ll tell you where to go” you instructed him to your apartment when needed. 

However, the ride was awkward, you didn’t know what to say to him. You twiddle your thumbs. 

He found your apartment, placed the car into park. You both sat there silently for a couple minutes. “Listen, thank you for tonight”. 

“Anytime” he smiled. “Listen, Y/N, I know we barely know each other, I wanted to ask you if you would like to go out on a date with me?” he asked. 

You smiled. “I would love to” 

“Good, it’s a date then” 

You both exchanged phone numbers. “I’ll text you later today,” he promised. 

You both looked at each other again. You couldn’t stop staring at him. He placed his hand on your cheek and pulled you in for a gentle kiss. You both smiled and pulled away. You bit your bottom lip. 

“I guess I’ll see you later then” you said exiting his car. 

“You will” he smiled as he rolled down the window. He waited for you to enter the building before pulling off. 

You entered the elevator to your apartment excited about the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

I hope you guys enjoyed this. I’ve been writing this for a long time. I guess you can say I’m back. I miss you guys, I hope everyone is doing well and being safe. 

~Admin Jae 

[schism-au-blog]

Chapter 14: Breaking Point

te“Snowflake?” Bismuth exclaimed. She hugged back. “I am grateful to see you, but I do have to admit, I don’t have any clue what’s going on here!”

Snowflake stood back and grinned. “Welcome to the metallic gems! Everyone else should be around here somewhere but, you already know Emerald, of course, but this is Silver Pearl, she was recruited after you…”

“How long was I out?” Bismuth asked.

“Two months,” said Snowflake.

“What have I missed?” Bismuth asked.

Snowflake sighed. “A lot. A lot of us agreed with you and split off from the crystal gems to stop Homeworld at any cost. We're the Metallic Gems!"

"Whoa, this is a lot," said Bismuth. "Maybe take it a little slower?"

Snowflake, Emerald, and Silver Pearl took turns describing what had occurred since Bismuth had been bubbled.

Bismuth looked troubled. "But if we're split up, won't it be easier for homeworld to take each group at a time? Especially if we start fighting each other."

"Wait, weren't you the one who tried to shatter Rose? At least that's what she said," Obsidian clarified.

"Yeah," said Bismuth. "It's still an issue though. I just wish she'd listen to us."

"Then let's make her listen," said Emerald. "Think about how much easier this'd all be if we could really send the Elites a message."

Bismuth grinned. "It'll all be worth it. We'll not only win the Earth, but overturn the whole system! We can't do that by blindly following Rose!"

"I knew you'd be on board!" said Snowflake.

"So this is all surrounding my forge?" Bismuth asked.

Snowflake nodded. "We could really use that thing you showed Rose. Peridot's made some progress, but she gets… sidetracked easily."

"Which Peridot?" Bismuth asked.

"Of course! I should introduce you to everyone," Snowflake said.

Bismuth smiled. "Sorry for ignoring you, Silver Pearl, was it? I hope you can understand it's a lot to take in." She reached her hand out to shake Silver's.

Silver took it and smiled. "I am honored to meet you."

"No need to be so formal!" Bismuth said. "You're making me feel all stiff."

"Sorry," said Silver, "that's just how I talk."

"Ok," said Bismuth. "If that's how you are, that's how you are. Not gonna try and make you into anything else."

"Thank you," said Silver.

"Where's my hug?" Emerald asked. "It's been forever!"

"You gotta remember," Bismuth said. "I saw you yesterday." She grinned.

"Huh?" Emerald asked. "Oh yeah, I remember waving to you in the hall the day before you were bubbled. That feels so long ago, now."

Bismuth pulled her into a hug. "I'm excited to fight by your side."

Emerald hugged back. She pulled back and smiled. "Let's go meet the others!"

"Or rather- see who's here, I think the only gem you haven't met- other than Silver Pearl here, is Gold Pearl," Snowflake clarified.

"A pair of pearls?" Bismuth asked. "We don't get many pearls, how come two decided to join after I left?" She laughed. "Had I been scaring 'em all away?"

Silver shook her head. "We were freed from the Reef by Rainbow Quartz and Yarhil shortly after we were made. Which was right after you were bubbled, but before the Metallic Gems formed. I wish I could say I was among that first few."

“If you were among us then, we’d still be trying to figure out how to get Bismuth out of that bubble!” Snowflake exclaimed. “It’s good fortune you took a little time to come round!”

“I’m going to have to hear that story, by the way,” Bismuth said. “Oh, and thanks.”

Silver Pearl smiled. “I’d do it again, gladly.”

"Who's here?" Bismuth asked, turning to Snowflake.

Snowflake smiled. "Why don't I show you?" She led them across the hall to Peridot's lab. Gold was holding something while Peridot poured liquids together. She looked like she was focusing pretty hard.

"Peridot?" Snowflake asked.

"Gimmie a minute," Peridot said.

Gold looked inquisitively. "Are you the Bismuth?"

Peridot scoffed. "I'm sure she's just a new recruit who happens to be a Bismuth." She looked up. "See-" she dropped the vial. "Bismuth!" She grinned.

"You were recruited a couple hundred years after me," Bismuth laughed.

"How? I thought it'd be forever until I saw you again!" Peridot said.

"You can thank Silver Pearl," Bismuth said. "She's the one who unbubbled me."

"Technically, I unbubbled you," Snowflake said. "Silver just smuggled you out of the heart of the Crystal Gems."

Bismuth laughed. "Ah, so Silver just did all the hard work and you did the last step?"

Snowflake grinned. "You know it!"

Peridot traded her safety goggles for a regular visor. She didn't technically need them, but it made it easier to focus when she had a slightly different appearance. "You have to show me how your thing works! I've been trying non-stop to figure out how to recreate something I've never seen, but now? Now we're in Bismuth."

"That's my line!" Bismuth protested.

Gold chuckled. "Ah yes, trying non-stop to create a weapon, hence the various things here that have nothing to do with weapon creation."

"You don't know!" said Peridot. "They could be extremely relevant! Besides, if I was only doing what was most useful to the system, then I'd be just as good working for Homeworld."

"At least you wouldn't be benefiting the Elites," said Bismuth.

Emerald nodded. "Anything's better than working for us."

Bismuth grinned. "I'll show you my prototype after I meet everyone, alright?"

Peridot nodded. "I'll get some space cleared!"

"I don't think I've actually introduced myself," said Gold. "I'm Gold Pearl."

"Nice to meet you, Gold," said Bismuth, lightly tapping her on the arm. "Welcome to the club."

"Ready to go see Howlite and Ashalmalmite?" Snowflake asked.

"They're here?" asked Bismuth. "I still can't believe it's been so long since they've seen me."

“They’ve missed you,” said Snowflake. “I think they’re working on a few touch-ups on the walls.”

“Lead the way,” Bismuth said.

Snowflake led Bismuth, Emerald, and Silver to where Howlite and Ashalmalmite were building up the walls. Upon seeing Bismuth, Ashalmalmite stopped and stared at Bismuth. Her hand was still shapeshifted into a chisel.

“Ashalmalmite, what are you stopping-” Howlite stopped mid-sentence and broke into a grin. “Welcome home!”

Bismuth smiled awkwardly. “Thanks, guys. It feels weird. I saw you two just last week, and so much has changed.”

“We can finally get into the forge!” Ashalmalmite exclaimed. “Sorry, I’m happy to see you again too, obviously.”

Bismuth laughed. “Ah, you’ve got your priorities set, I see.”

Ashalmalmite laughed. “Hey, we’re working for the freedom of all gemkind, what could be more important than that?”

“And here I thought you were fighting because you cared about me.” Bismuth joked.

“You wish,” Ashalmalmite retorted.

“Well, I just wanted to stop in and make sure everything was all right,” Bismuth said. “I think we should visit-” she paused. “Who else is there, Snow?”

 “Come find out,” Snowflake replied. Bismuth “Not even a tiny hint?”

“Not a peep,” she said.

They quickly arrived at the training center, where Tiger’s Eye was training Apatite, Bixbite, and Ruby. She was so focused on training that she didn’t hear the small procession following Snowflake.

Bismuth was ecstatic to see Tiger’s Eye. She was beginning to think all of her close friends, except for Snowflake, would still be in the crystal gems. Tiger’s Eye, however, was still in training mode, and seeing a large, grey figure hurtling to her, she instinctively flailed her arm out to stop Bismuth, knocking her to the ground.

Tiger’s Eye looked down. “Oh my stars! Bismuth! I’m so glad you’re safe! No thanks to me.” She held out her hand to help Bismuth up.

Bismuth took it. “Thanks,” she said, pulling Tiger’s Eye into a hug. “I was hoping I’d see you around.”

“What is this, emotional honesty?” Tiger’s Eye asked. “Can’t we just pretend we hate each other?” She smiled and pulled back. “I missed looking at your ugly face. Makes me feel good about myself.”

“I could say the same to you, but I had the misfortune of looking at yours yesterday,” said Bismuth. She turned to the other three gems in the room. “Bixbite, Apatite, and Ruby, right? I think I’ve seen you around before, but we haven’t worked together on much.”

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Apatite said.

Ruby smiled. “I can’t wait to see where you lead us.”

“I’ll make you proud!” said Bixbite.

“So, what do you want us to do, Bismuth?” Snowflake asked. She said ‘Bismuth’ like the Crystal Gems would sometimes say ‘Rose,’ with respect bordering on reverence. “You’ve met your troops, few as we may be, and we are at your command.”

“Yeesh,” Bismuth said. “No need to be so formal. Uh, who would you consider our best strategists?”

“Myself, Gold, and Peridot have done most of the planning up to this point,” Snowflake said. “But if Silver managed to bust you out, she must not be shabby in that department either. And of course, I’ve already worked with you enough to know you’ll be invaluable in the planning room.”

Bismuth grinned. “Alright then. If I’m gonna be a leader, I’m going to be the best leader I can be. Emerald, do you think you could gain from training with Tiger?”

“Always,” said Emerald. “A little extra training never hurt anyone.”

“Alright, so you stay here, and Silver, Gold, Peridot, Snow, and I will strategize, ok?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Emerald said. She unfused into her component gems, Anatase and Opalite. While Emerald was an incredible warrior in her own right, Anatase and Opalite found that they were often more effective by “dividing and conquering.” Plus, they often needed to masquerade as themselves to sneak themselves into spaces for elites.

Silver, Snow, and Bismuth quickly asked Peridot and Gold to join them in the Forge. It was the perfect meeting location. Plenty of space, private, and, most importantly, it held the breaking point. The weapon that started it all.

Peridot knew this was a formal meeting with their new leader, but she couldn’t contain her excitement any more. “Is it here?” she asked.

“What?” Bismuth asked, smirking. She led everyone into the lower levels.

“What do you mean, ‘what?’” Peridot asked. “The thing,” she stuttered “the, the, the Weapon! You know, the one I’ve been trying to replicate for two months?”

“Oh, that weapon,” Bismuth said. “I think I know what you’re saying.” She walked to a container and revealed the Breaking Point. It was a cruel thing. It strapped to the wielder’s wrist, with an activation mechanism on the back, and a sharp, precise drill on the front. Even without seeing it in use, everyone present could tell it had immense power. Enough to knock a diamond off her feet.

“Whoa,” Peridot was breathless. “Could I… hold it?”

Bismuth handed it over. “It’s just a prototype.”

“I can see that,” Peridot said critically. “The binding is almost falling apart here. And this bit could clearly be improved on. Gold! What do you think?”

Gold was also looking at the Breaking Point, and began to make similar observations. “The metalworking is a stroke of genius, but the mechanism could use some,” she paused. “A lot of optimization.”

“We might as well leave them to it,” said Snow to Bismuth and Silver. “Unless you can understand what they’re going on about?”

Sliver shook her head. “I think they’re working on how to improve it, but the specifics are lost on me.”

“Mind telling us how you pulled this off?” Snowflake asked, looking at Bismuth.

“What?” Silver asked “Oh! That. Well, it wasn’t that hard at all, really. I simply-”

There, in the embers of the heart of the forge, rebellion grew. Perhaps by only two members, but by a lot of spirit. Silver continued telling the story of how she’d managed to smuggle Bismuth out, Gold and Peridot analyzed the Breaking Point. Perhaps the biggest change with Bismuth’s arrival, however, were the growing seeds of resentment towards the Crystal Gems for imprisoning Bismuth, banning the Breaking Point, and exiling all gems who follow them. Perhaps some part of them had wondered if Bismuth really had been unreasonable. If she had changed right before Rose had bubbled her. But now, seeing Bismuth the same as ever before them, they felt the winds blowing their way.

taglist: @suartz

[nctzendreamz]

Little Things (3) :: Mark Lee

Mark love so many things about you, but he’ll never let the words slip out of his mouth.

Pt.1 / Pt.2 / Pt.3

Breathe Mark...breathe. His stomach is currently turning in a never ending hell of knots, and his breathing was so staggered. This was his constant party trick when he was embarrassed, and words could not describe how embarrassed he was right now.

He knew you would tell him to observe his surroundings.

Look at the floor, Mark. Focus on the color. Is it brown? White? Gray? Wooden? Think about how it feels on your feet. You can feel the cool breeze, can’t you? It’s giving you a chill, but with the heat outside, it feels really good.

Even though he was talking to himself, he was able to convince himself that you didn’t hate him. That it was you whispering into his ear and getting him out of his shake.

You were always so good at that. You were good at practically anything you put your mind to, but especially that. You could talk anybody out of doing any bad deed, or calm them down when they needed to be held.

Just as Mark goes to lean against the counter, almost ready to return back to the reality that was you and his members probably having the time of your lives, he hears the door swing open. He can’t even look.

“You okay, bro?” Johnny questions, and his tone is very light. “You kinda ran away back there.”

“Fine.” Mark mutters, a clear indication that he didn’t want to be bothered. He knows this isn’t Johnny’s fault. He knows that this is all him, but even so, he needs someone to blame. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy in any of your stories. He wants to be the one you run to.

“You know, whatever you’re thinking right now would probably calm down if you just said it.” Johnny’s beside him now, a hand on his lower back.

“It’s—

“Don’t even say that to me, Mark. Don’t say that it’s not that simple, because it is. The love of your life confessed their love for you, and you let them walk away thinking that you didn’t feel the same. Do you know how many guys would kill for that? Huh?”

There’s a stern tone in his older brother’s words, and Mark can tell how done he is with this whole ordeal. He was right, of course. He knows how lucky he is. He knows that men would kill to be in this position with the one they loved. Hell, men would kill him to be with you. Still, he’s silent. His eyes are darted straight forward and he’s just breathing.

“You don’t have to listen to me.” Johnny removes his hand. “We both know that actions speak louder than words anyway.”

What was that supposed to mean? Immediately, Mark shoots up feeling unsettled from those words. From the way Johnny walks out so quick, he knows he’s promoting him to follow.

“Doyoung!” You screech, your mouth agape and in desperate need of food. On the leather couch Doyoung is dangling a sole piece of skin from the chicken—your favorite taste, and making you chase his fingers. “Please.” You plead.

“I think I wanna hear you beg some more.” He chuckles, placing it in his mouth.

Mark wanted to hope this was an innocent induendo, but regardless, he was sick. It had only been a clean thirty minutes of him trying to calm down and Doyoung already had your attention. And that smile that was on your face—it was unreal. He hadn’t seen it in so long.

“Listen to me.” Is all Johnny speaks before he walks away, going to get more food.

Mark doesn’t want to move, but he also realizes that this isn’t the best decision. He needs to distract himself and try to move on, just like you were obviously trying to do. He forces his reindeer sock covered feet to move forward—of course a gift from you during the Christmas season, and he’s making way to go to the couch. They had managed to sit the only two couches he had in here across from eachother while the coffee table gave space for food and drinks. He sits on the couch you and Doyoung aren’t cannodling on. Jaehyun and Jungwoo are sitting on this couch.

“Did you fall asleep in there?” It’s Doyoung, and Mark doesn’t even crack a smile. They’re making eye contact, but you don’t notice it’s intensity as you’re scrolling through your phone now. Or maybe you’re texting Johnny again. He doesn’t know.

“Nope.” Is all Mark can manage, feeling his heart rate increase from the jealousy he felt. It was such a stupid, small detail—but he can’t help but notice how subtly your shoulder is touching Doyoung’s. He has to sit and watch as your head is slowly leaning on his broadened left, and before Doyoung puts another piece of chicken in his mouth, you take it out of his hand without even thinking. You two looked like a complete couple and he can’t believe this.

He knows exactly what his hyung is doing. He wants him to react. He wants to show him that this is exactly what he’ll have to go through if he doesn’t confess tonight. Even so, the balls still aren’t growing.

“Are you going to eat?” Jungwoo questions. “I’m positive you haven’t eaten all day.”

“And what makes you so sure of that?” Mark responds.

“You’re pale, you have shaky hands, I know you bro. Here.” Jungwoo has some kimchi in some chopsticks, and Mark just eats it to make him feel more at ease.

“I think I’m going to get a head start on painting, actually.” The younger boy rises, and he might’ve been crazy, but he sees the way your eyes peep him for a minute. He’s walking back into his room that seemed even more bland now that you weren’t in it.

The white walls were completely mocking him now, calling him all kinds of mean and harmful names. Every ugly blotch reminded him of kids back in middle school who never had anything nice to say. It’s shell skin tone should’ve been making him feel better even through its plain nature, but he wanted to punch a hole in it.

Mark wants to just lay down and sleep for the duration of this visit. Maybe even make the members paint the walls by themselves. He worked hard enough on music, right? He could be lazy today.

“Since Mark just can’t wait to start painting, let’s all wash our hands, eh?” He hears Jaehyun yell. Mark knows he’s doing this on purpose.

“It’ll probably only take an hour. I mean it’s not like we’re professionals.” It’s your voice, and it’s making his blood boil. The way you spoke so casually now. He was used to you behaving like this, always cool and collected infront of people who didn’t know you as well as they wished, but he was going to ignore his knowledge. He wanted the shy and soft spoken Y/N back.

“Then why did you call them?” The words are sharp off his tounge and he doesn’t even turn around to look at you. He knows you’re haulting now questioning your life choices. Or maybe not that far, but he knows you’re taken aback. Just like he was when he saw you and Doyoung flirting with eachother.

He really was being a jealous asshole wasn’t he? I mean, Mark had his moments, but his surface was always sweet and willing to bow down to anyone who he respected and loved. As he fumbles with the paint bucket—ironically the only you chose for the occasion, he realizes that wasn’t necessary. His words to you. Even so he can’t apologize.

“I figured you didn’t want to be around me.” You say to his surprise. You could’ve made up so many different lies. You could’ve said you didn’t think the two of you were capable of doing such a job on your own. You could’ve mentioned how you hate the smell of fresh paint and would rather the members be doing the nitty gritty. You also could’ve mentioned that you didn’t want to mess up your outfit for that fact as well. But no. You’re projecting instead.

“I didn’t want to be around you?” He chuckles, and the air is becoming very tense very fast. He hates this so much. This animosity that’s been growing between you two for the past couple of hours. “I think it’s the opposite.”

And he has you red handed because you don’t say another word. You huff out in some form of displeasure before you take the paint can out of his hand. You practically throw it on the ground—of course just light enough from bursting before you have Mark’s hand wrapped around your own and you’re storming the both of you out of his bedroom. The other members are looking on and they’re scared for their friend. You weren’t one to mess with and your eyes are raging as you walk past them. Mark doesn’t even have anything in his home to distract him as it was blank as hell.

The night air is semi-chilly, and Mark wants to grab a jacket for you, or at least warn you to bring one, but he knows there’s no point. The two of you are now in the abandoned hallway of his line and he’s standing infront of you.

“You’re an asshole.” Are the first words that come out of your pretty lips. They’re still glossy like earlier. His eyes are looking at his neighbor’s door in attempt to not have to deal with all of this ruckus, but your hands are quicker as they take his chin and direct his attention to where it needs to be. You, and your hurt heart. “All you do is blame me for everything.”

“What?” He mumbles.

“You’re going to talk to me whether you like it or not, Mark. This whole mumbling thing you’re doing is not going to make me shut up so start talking.”

He had never seen you so fiesty. You were like a firecracker burning into his flesh, but he was enjoying it. Maybe a little too much. He didn’t know how he was thinking positive and somewhat hilarious thoughts. You were very angry with him and that should’ve been driving him nuts. It was driving him nuts.

“How do I blame you for everything, Y/N?”

“With your eyes, and your stupid subtle responses to everything. I know you’ve been off since my whole drunken confession mistake.”

“I—

“And I know you probably found it extremely hilarious that I poured out my heart to you and all you did was pretend it didn’t happen, and yet I was still checking on you and loving you like you had the same feelings.”

“Y/—

“And that’s not to say you have to share my feelings, but at least say something, Mark. And then you sit here and kiss my hand and tell me that I’m beautiful like I’m some toy. Am I a toy to you?”

“No.” Is all he responds. His face is so dull, but his heart is about to burst into a thousand crystals. He’s sweating profoundly and he’s trying to find more words.

“Tell me how you feel, Mark. Say it to me right now. I’m a big girl and I can handle it. We both know that.”

“I love you.”

He doesn’t know which one of his ancestors possessed his spirit to spit it out so simply. It slipped off the tounge like saliva to the floor when you were thirsty but also couldn’t stop talking because there was nothing that he was more sure of. You could ask him was his name his actual name and he wouldn’t sound that confident.

“But?” you say, and you’re not quivering. Had he really broken your heart that many times? To where you became immune to his true feelings? That you believed there was a catch to this?

“There’s no but.”

He can see the way your body breaks down. He knows you’re blaming yourself. You’re probably thinking about how maybe you talking to much was the reason he couldn’t get it out. You’re probably imagining false scenarios in your head where you wouldn’t let him get a secret off his chest not knowing it was exactly what you had been dreaming about, and that’s why you never noticed.

“Don’t do that.” He whispers. His balls had finally dropped because he’s approaching you now. Chest to chest—rashing heartbeats just begging to wallow in eachother and finally get to touch through your gentle skin that looked so good beside eachother even through its clothed nature. “Don’t blame your perfection on me being unable to open my fucking mouth, Y/N.” His lips quickly kiss yours, and it feels so good. It was less than a second, but it felt like home. He had imagined so many different scenarios where your lips would touch for the first time and he would then proceed to drag you to the nearest wall and make love to you for the first time. Intense, right?

“I have loved you for so long that I can’t even remember what not loving you feels like. I can’t.” He trembles. “That night when you confessed to me, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I also didn’t know if it was real. But then the next morning you turned into your beautiful and shy self and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ruin us because I’d rather die everyday and still get to be your friend than lose you completely.”

“You were scared.” You finish for him. “But so was I, Mark. I was petrified. I had no idea whether you’d accept my feelings or be completely disgusted. Why do you think I waited until I was piss drunk to say anything?”

“I’m sorry.” He says, nuzzling his forehead into yours. “And I’m sorry for not being a man, because I am one. We’re not kids anymore that get to get away with this. I know I was so wrong. And I suck so bad. I—

But you’re kissing him again. And it’s his first kiss in such a manner. The way your lips are molding into his own with such perfection and the way he feels himself getting hot in unfamiliar places. The way you pull him over you on the door and he lifts your legs around his slim waist so he can get even closer to you. The way your delighted fingers are pulling at his current black strands of hair and he lets out a tiny sigh of agreement and pleasure.

“I love you.” You say, pulling away from him for just a quick second.

“I love you more.” He breathes out before he’s attacking your lips again and is making it known all over your body that he means everything. “You don’t love Doyoung more do you?”

Your laugh echoes into his thick neck as he’s still propping you on the door. “So you were jealous?”

“Of course I was.” He smiles in embarrassment. “We can kick them out, can’t we?”

“We’re about to.”

And now you’re both laughing and hugging eachother tightly as you attempt to catch your breath.

You finally figured it out. You finally both knew what was going on, and you were happy. So so happy.

[raccdog]

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

*An after Loveater fic*

"Hey Adrien," Alya called. "Do you know what's wrong with Marinette?" The blond turned to look at the brunette, then to the blue eyed girl, who was hunched over her notebook, furiously writing down something on it.

"I don't know," Adrien confessed. "Why wouldn't she be ok? Is something wrong?"

Alya only shook her head. Of course the most oblivious boy in the school hadn't noticed. "She's just been acting weird," she explained. "Doesn't really talk to me, or her parents, or anyone for that matter," Alya sighed. "She spends all her time on her phone or writing in her notebook. We're just worried about her. She looks like a walking zombie."

He watched the aforementioned girl once again and she indeed had dark bags under her eyes, her skin paler than normal. How had he not noticed? Ok, he knew why. Ever since he and Kagami had gotten closer after ice-cream he had been daydreaming and spacing out more than usual, not really paying attention to his surroundings. And maybe he was being petty by ignoring some of his superhero responsibilities too, not having gone to patrol yet, but he couldn't feel bad about it right now. He was tired and honestly, he wanted to savor the rare good mood that Kagami had set in him.

That, however, didn't stop the slight nab of guilt that hit his stomach. Marinette was his friend too, and he had been ignoring her, even if it hadn't been on purpose.

He crossed the courtyard in no time thanks to his long legs, determined to talk to her.

Marinette seemed to sense him, which shocked him a little as he was trying to walk as silently as possible, similarly to his alter-ego.

She closed the notebook just as he sat on the bench next to her, sparking in him that strike of curiosity that often got him in trouble. Why did she not want him to see it? So curious.

"Hey Marinette!" He smiled brightly.

"Hey," she answered flatly, not looking at him directly. That made him frown a little. Maybe she was angry at him? But he hadn't done anything to make her mad right? They had barely interacted at all since the last time she hung out with him and Kagami.

"What were you writing? You looked so concentrated."

"Nothing. Just... some design concepts," she said courtly, shifting away slightly. But Adrien only leaned closer.

"Really? You are so creative and talented Marinette!" Adrien complimented. "Can I see?"

"No."

Suddenly everything went quiet around them, both too deep inside their own bubble of awkwardness.

Adrien was gaping at her, shocked to the core. She had never spoken to him that way before. Not even during the gum incident. He couldn't say he appreciated it. His own pent up annoyance flaring a little until he pushed it back down again. She was obviously moody. She just needed a friend who could be patient.

"Come on 'Nette just a peek-" he tried again, only to be cut off mid-sentence. "No Adrien, you can't look." She stated, not even looking up at him. Maybe any other day that would've been it, he would have been crushed to be talked to that way by a precious friend, but the feelings he had been bottling inside him surged forward without restraint. He had been worried sick ever since Chloé's disappearance. Restless because of Kagami and frustrated with a certain polka-dotted superheroine -and since the tone Marinette had used had sounded a lot like the one Ladybug used whenever she wanted to be condescending, it hadn't helped at all.-

"Well that wasn't very nice," he couldn't help but mutter passive-aggressively, his emotions boiling and ready to burst from within him, barely kept in check.

Adrien watched - with a bit of satisfaction- as she whipped her head to finally look at him in the eyes, a strange look he didn't recognize on her face.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he ventured. "You were a bit rude."

Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"What the fuck is your problem?" She actually growled. Ah, that was the emotion he couldn't quite place on her features: Rage.

"My problem? You are the one growling like an animal and snapping at anyone who approaches you!" He huffed indignantly.

Her face contorted in an ugly gesture before spitting out her comeback. "You are the one who got into my personal space and wanted to peep into my private journal!"

"I was just trying to check up on you!" He exclaimed exasperated. "You are worrying everyone so I thought I could sit with you and havd some friendly interaction, you know, like friends do?"

Marinette flinched for a second but was soon her ragey self again.

With a trembling sigh she got up, ready to leave, but Adrien blocked her path before she could go anywhere else.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere."

"We were in the middle of talking."

"Well, now we're done talking," she gritted her teeth.

"No we are not!"

"Yes we are!"

"Now you're just being stubborn," Adrien spat, the conversation and attitudes so jarringly familiar that he was a bit scared.

"I'm the stubborn one?" She cried. "Let me go."

"Not until we talk this out," he countered.

"I need to go," she hissed, inching closer.

"I'm not letting you get away until you tell me what's bothering you so much that you start acting like this, Marinette," Adrien said angrily. "This is not like you, I'm honestly kind of disappointed."

Only then he noticed that Marinette was trembling. So hard that she seemed to vibrate. Half of him felt guilty that he had pushed her so far that she had started crying, but the other part of him felt relieved that maybe she would bawl her worries away in his shoulder and they would reconcile as the best of friends after it. He was about to suggest she lean onto him when he noticed the look on her face.

Oh she wasn't crying. She was seething.

A part of him wanted to hide away from her murderous gaze while the other, more Chat Noir one wanted to one up her and scream, kick and possibly fight her.

But before he could decide between the two a clouded fog covered her eyes as she relaxed her body completly, her face and posture now completely neutral.

He had to blink several times in order to not suffer from emotional whiplash. What the fuck was that? What had happened just now?

Before he could ask, she whispered in a barely audible voice.

"Adrien, move." Her tone sent shivers down his spine. His heart rate shooting up in fear. "Before I do something we both regret."

Paralyzed on the spot, he didn't stop her this time as she walked around him. Her cold ire burnt hotter than the sun, blazing at his consciousness, regret and guilt etching themselves in his heart.

And maybe if he hadn't been so stunned by her change of demeanor he'd seen her limp and sway almost imperceptibly as she walked away.

PART 1 | Part 2 | Part 3  | Part 4 | Part 5

[mwjumbledwords]

If I was honest, I’d tell you that I’m not okay, If I was honest, I’d tell you that I think I’ve lost every ounce of my faith, If I’m honest, I just want to be numb, I don’t want to feel the pain, I don’t want to feel anything, If I’m honest, I just want to drift away, Hide my face, just fade behind the scenes. Trying to find the words that are caught in the back of my throat, I’ve spent so much time just trying to get everything just right, I’ve lost sight and I feel like I’ve lost my mind, Fighting for control, debilitatingly unable to let go, Fully aware that the fight by myself would never be fair, But for some reason I thought I’d be able to get it under control, All because I’ve accepted this idea that I’m all alone. I know I was wrong but I feel so lost now, Not sure where I began running from, Unable to backtrack or retrace my steps, Weak and tired - all fight is gone, The deepest parts of me still trying to drag me back to safety, But the weight that is holding me is more than I originally thought it to be, It’s too much for me to do it alone, I know You’re the answer so why can’t I trust You enough to hand over control? I hate surprises, I despise not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring, To the point where the unknown frightens me, I don’t think I’m scared of the plans You have for me, My fear is more along the lines that I can never measure up, I’ve drowned myself in this pressure of being who I think You want me to be, There’s no doubt that I fall short, I feel broken and unworthy, Like who I am has faded into the darkness of this pain I’ve allowed myself to soak in. I have this overwhelming burden of feeling that I’m not enough, A feeling that has swallowed me whole, I look in the mirror and I just see this shell of me, Not sure whose eyes are really looking back at me, But if I look deep enough I can still see the remnants of who I was, That small remaining quantity of the girl I used to be, Screaming from somewhere deep inside of me, Trying to find her way back out, But we’re both tired and it feels like I just keep getting weaker. I want to scream but when I open my mouth nothing comes out, My throat still hurts like I made an high pitched sound, But my vocal chords never made a peep, I have all these things I want to say, But I stumble over the words and then they get trapped in my brain, I only have a stutter when I pray, So much I want to get off my chest, But it’s somewhere locked away, And the key is something I no longer possess. This one is hard for me, This is the darker side of me, Vulnerability can be ugly, But I’m tired of believing that holding it all in is some kind of strength for me, Avoiding all these feelings is cowardly, Facing this darkness within is the only way I’m ever going to see the light again, I know that beauty is going to come from my brokenness, My broken pieces and scars are going to shine like stained glass, And I’m okay with that. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to conclude this one positively, Tears streaming down my face as I bear my soul, Washing away some of this weight, Understanding that it’s time to face everything I’ve been avoiding, I can’t continue this way, I won’t survive and I have no desire to die to pride, There’s pain in me that runs deep but thankfully the God who conquers everything is patient with me, It’s really going to be okay.

“Honestly,” MW

[spaceskam]

our fainted thrill carries on (5/13)

next chapter of my season 2 fix it!

ao3

“I can’t believe you were being a goddamn Peeping Tom at 3 in the morning at Flint Manes of all people. He’s not, like, ugly, but you can definitely do better.”

Kyle shook his head as he entered the motel room Cam was staying at, already yanking his notebook out of his bag. He dropped onto her bed and flipped it open to the page where he’d drawn the symbol from Jesse Manes’ hip.

“I wasn’t peeping for fun, look at this,” Kyle said. Cam sat beside him. “This is the tattoo that both Jesse Manes and Flint Manes have. I didn’t have a chance to check, but I would put money on the fact that at least one of Alex’s other brothers has it too.”

“What does it mean?” she asked.

“That’s the thing, I don’t actually know,” he told her, “There’s just something about it that’s off to me. It’s a combination of the male symbol and the Neptune symbol, which is three, like the trident, so I’m thinking it’s three men, right? Well, when Alex was talking to his dad earlier, he mentioned something called M.V.C.”

“Which is…?”

“Again, I don’t know.”

“You’re coming here with a lot of missing information.”

“Yes, but,” Kyle said, ���I have theories.”

She eyed him before leaning a bit closer to get a good look at the symbol. It was a long shot, but he figured another brain might help piece shit together more. Besides, she was smart and thought like Alex without all of the daddy issues.

“So, originally, I was thinking that maybe it was just three different guys, but now I’m thinking it’s three different generations. Like, the generations of Manes Men that are hunting aliens or whatever. And it’s more symbolic that three actual generations, it’s more of like ‘my father, me, my son’ type of deal. I have no way of seeing if Jesse Manes’ father had one, but the one on his hip looks aged enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if his father did it himself when he was, like, 15.”

“Jesus.”

“I mean, think about it, Jesse having a seriously controlling father would explain why he is the way he is,” Kyle said. He knew she didn’t know all the details about Alex’s relationship with his father, but she knew enough. “And the reason why Alex didn’t get roped in is because he showed early on that he was rebellious and it took more than intimidation to instill conformity.”

“Okay, nice theory, but I think that might be a stretch? Like, I think you’re trying to fit what you know about Cap and his dad into the box of what you think the tattoo means. What if it’s something completely different and you’re just veering really far off track?” Cam said. Kyle smiled at her and, if she wasn’t capable of killing him, he probably would’ve done something stupid like thank her for having a brain.

“Yes, absolutely! I am too wrapped up in this theory and I’m trying to prove it right rather than trying to find objective information,” Kyle said, “Which is where you come in.”

“I’m listening.”

“Thursday night, we’re having like a group dinner at Max’s, so I’ll know where everyone is and know that they’re safe. Do you think you can do some sleuthing in that time to see what you can find?” Kyle asked. Her face hardened and she leaned away from him.

“By sleuthing, do you mean seducing Flint Manes?” she asked cooly. Kyle immediately shook his head, though now that she mentioned it, it did sound like a good idea. 

“I mean, not necessarily,” he said. Cam fixed him with a look.

“I’ll look into things, but I’m not sleeping with Cap’s brother,” she said. Kyle nodded easily.

“Absolutely, I just need fresh eyes and ideas," he told her. She nodded, reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing her phone. She took a picture of the symbol. 

"I'll keep you updated. Now go home and go the fuck to sleep because you look like you haven't slept in 24 hours."

He didn't have the heart to correct her that it was 36.

-

"Michael fucking Guerin!"

Michael slowly smiled at the sound of Alex's voice as he climbed out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his hips and grabbed another one to dry his hair, throwing the bathroom door open. He sauntered to the kitchen where Alex was doing laundry. The washing machine and dryer were really out of place there, but Alex had rigged them up all by himself and who was Michael to judge.

"You called?"

Alex whipped around, totally unphased by Michael's level of nudity. That felt more worthwhile than when he got flustered. This… this was fucking normal. How cool was that?

"What is this?" Alex demanded, shoving his jeans in Michael's direction, "Is that wood glue?" 

Michael took it from him and gently scratched the rough, dull-colored patch on the fabric.

"Yeah, looks like it."

"You are a mechanic. What are you doing with wood glue? Why are you messing with wood glue when you're wearing my jeans? Stop ruining my jeans!"

“Relax,” Michael laughed, grabbing them out of his hands, “You got vinegar? That’ll usually get it out.”

Alex just continued to glare at him and Michael took a bold step forward, tilting his head in a slightly cocky manner. He licked his bottom lip and watched as Alex’s irritation slowly melted, his shoulders dropping. Not for the first time that week, he thought about kissing him, but he held off. That was a bad idea and they both knew it.

“Go put vinegar on it and then get dressed,” Alex told him, stepping to the side to go find a pair of not-stained jeans. Before Michael could catch himself, he grabbed his arm and leaned close. Alex couldn’t even hide his smile as he did so, still trying to force a glare. “What do you want?”

“Don’t be mad at me, please,” Michael said as softly as he could, pouting slightly and batting his eyelashes. Alex rolled his eyes and pulled out of his grasp.

“Dry off, you heathen,” Alex laughed. Michael watched as he headed to the bedroom and took a deep breath before he turned to put that section of his jeans in a bowl of vinegar.

It was weird to think that this was the most stable they’d ever been for the longest amount of time. Tonight would make it a full week of sleeping in the same bed, spending all their free time together, learning more about each other than they ever had. Michael didn’t realize just how much he didn’t know about Alex. Sure, maybe he still hadn’t mentioned that piece, but it was hard to be mad by that when Alex was right there and laughing through a story about a time in France where he accidentally walked in on his past CO getting off to a Lady Gaga music video and had been sworn to secrecy, but Michael was an exception.

Soon enough, they were in Michael’s truck, carpooling to Max’s house. He shouldn’t have felt so fucking giddy about going to his dead brother’s house for some pseudo-family dinner, but he was. It helped that Alex’s jeans hugged his thighs and Alex was right there, humming along to the radio.

“Oh, so, just a warning, Liz is probably going to ask you about what’s going on between us,” Michael warned, “Maybe Isobel too, but most likely Liz.”

“Why?” Alex asked slowly. 

“Because she thinks I’m, like, leading you and Maria on or something. But I’m not, right? Like, you don’t think that’s what I’m doing, do you?” Michael clarified. Alex instantly shook his head.

“We’re literally trying to revive a dead alien and trying to track down whatever my dad’s bullshit is, who has time for maintaining a romantic relationship?” he said.

“Exactly!” Michael scoffed. Alex huffed a small little laugh that was so much cuter than it had any right being.

“She hasn’t talked to me about it,” Alex admitted, tapping against his leg to the rhythm of the song playing on the radio, “Actually, neither of them have really talked to me at all about anything.”

“Wait, for real?” Michael asked, “You’re giving Liz a space to do all of her experimentings and she doesn’t even talk to you?” Alex shrugged like it didn’t matter. But it did. Michael was the first to admit he was shit at maintaining friendships, but Liz and Maria always claimed Alex was their best friend. They took care of each other, he was one of theirs.

But did that only apply for when they needed something?

“It’s fine.”

“Well, I mean, it’s just weird. Like, she acted like she’d talked to you about it like she was scared that you were gonna get hurt,” Michael explained, “Not that I’d ever hurt you on purpose like that again, by the way.” Alex snorted.

“Liz and I have never, and I mean never, talked about my love life. Which is fine, there’s not much to tell, but still, she’s never once acted like she was concerned about what the two of us are doing while cohabiting,” Alex said. Michael took his bottom lip between his teeth. Cohabiting. “And Maria and I used to talk about it, but that stopped once she found out it was you I had a history with. Then… after she came over, we haven’t really talked at all. Which is my fault too, I haven’t reached out.”

“I’m sorry I fucked things up between you two,” Michael said, glancing over at him. He had his head against the window, staring at the passing desert with interested eyes. It was just like he’d done when they were young and Michael didn’t know how to process that.

“No, we didn’t exactly try. One day I’ll talk to her. I sort of have to get up the courage because I feel bad about the way I acted,” Alex admitted. Michael huffed a laugh.

“Same,” he said, “I was probably worse.”

“I would say we could go apologize to her together, but I think she might get the wrong idea if we’re within 50 feet of each other,” Alex said, biting back a laugh, “I did corrupt your straight white boy ass, you know.”

Michael shook his head with a laugh. “Cute.”

“Well, that’s what she thinks. Or, a lot of people think,” Alex said, “What is your percentage anyway? Like, a lot of bi people have a percentage or something, not always 50/50.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t fucking know,” Michael admitted. Alex actually laughed this time and Michael just smiled. He really didn’t know. He thought he was pretty 50/50, but it was hard to really conceptualize that on a human level. He guessed he could make a list of everyone he’d slept with and base it off of that, but even that felt skewed because most of the time he’d had pretty limited options in Roswell. If he counted everyone he’d been attracted to, though, that felt like an even harder thing. Did famous people count? Cartoons? At the end of the day, who really held a candle to Jessica Rabbit? “I just act on how I feel in the moment. But you aren’t the only man I’ve hooked up with if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex asked, “Who else?”

“Okay, it was only one other guy and it was just, like, giving head in the bathroom of a club, but still. You didn’t make me queer, you just made me know it was okay,” Michael said. Alex was quiet and when Michael glanced over at him, he saw him staring at him with that look. The one with the half-lidded eyes and the parted lips and his head tilted back. It had his stomach doing flips. “What?”

“Nothing,” Alex hummed, leaning forward to turn the radio up. Misery Business by Paramore was playing, still in it’s first few chords as if Alex had just sensed it was on.

“You can’t just ignore me for Hayley Williams,” Michael laughed. Alex cranked it up louder, the speakers thudding as the instruments kicked in. “Really?”

“I’m in the business of misery, let’s take it from the top,” Alex sang, leaning in instead of answering. Michael just rolled his eyes and joined in until they were both headbanging and scream-singing at the windshield. It felt good. Everything else in the world paled in comparison to just that.

He was almost sad as they pulled up to Max’s house.

-

Alex was not at all surprised when Rosa flew out of the door and immediately latched onto him as they walked up.

“Oh, thank god, save me.”

He laughed easily, wrapping her in a hug. He’d promised to see her more often, but he hadn’t really been making good on that promise. It was a problem that he definitely was going to put more effort into fixing. She was one of the only ones he could even tolerate at this point.

“Is it that bad?” Michael asked with a smile. Rosa looked over at him with a slightly judgy look in her eye, but he didn’t seem to take offense to it. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Can I move in with you for, like, a week?” she begged, “If I have to be locked alone or with Liz or with Isobel for any more time, I am going to lose it. It’s only been, like, a month.” Alex looked over to Michael and raised an eyebrow in question. Michael held up his hands.

“Hey, it’s your house. If you want a guest, don’t let me stop you,” he said.

“Mm,” Alex hummed in response. Michael flashed him a warm smile and then let himself inside the door, leaving Rosa and Alex alone. 

She waited until the door closed and they were, for the most part, out of earshot before pulling away. The look on her face was nothing short of intrigued and he was again filled with an old sense of belonging. Maybe he would let her stay for a while. Lately, Michael had been giving him that same welcome feeling, so why not add more to the mixture? It made him feel good.

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to slowly pull it out of you?” she asked. A confused smile fond his face and he tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Alex,” she said, pouting her lips as she teased him, “Amor está en el aire.”

“Stop,” he warned despite her dramatic tone bringing a smile to his lips.

“Or should I say lust.”

“That would be even further away,” Alex laughed, looking up to double-check that no one was hanging outside the door and then casually scoping the rest of the perimeter that he could see, “We’re just friends.”

“Mhm,” Rosa hummed, crossing her arms and popping her hip out to the side as she judged him, “And there’s no residual feelings?”

“Okay, I didn’t say that,” Alex said, trying ignoring the way his cheeks started to burn, “But we’re just not in a place for that and, honestly, things are better right now than they’ve ever been between us. I’m not going to fuck with that especially when we’re still not done handling things with my dad.”

“When will you ever be done with your dad, though, Alex? Because even after he’s dead, he’s still going to haunt you and we all know it,” Rosa said bluntly. Alex’s smile dropped easily and he shifted his weight. “I don’t want you putting off your happiness for something that’ll never go away.”

“It’s not that,” he said, but he paused, “Well, it’s a little bit that. But mostly we’re just still in the thick of it, it’d be stupid.”

“Is that it or are you just scared to ask for what you want?” Rosa pressed. He scoffed.

“You’re just going in deep aren’t you?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she grinned, “No, but, for real, can I stay with you?”

“Depends, are you going to mock me for sharing a bed with him?”

Rosa’s eyes went wide and she scoffed, her jaw-dropping dramatically.

“I swear, if I could go back and tell baby Alex that he’d be sharing a bed with the boy he’s in love with, he’d tell me I was a liar.”

“If you told baby Alex a lot of things that are going on right now, he’d tell you you were a liar,” he laughed, “Let’s go inside and I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay, you harlot.”

“There it is.”

-

Isobel gave him that look that told Michael that he was in trouble.

“Oh, what the hell did I do this time?” he asked. 

She looked over to where Kyle and Liz were cooking before grabbing his arm, pulling him down the hall and sufficiently into Max’s bedroom. They both unintentionally upturned their noses at how much Liz and Rosa had just made it their own space. It was jarring no matter how much they understood that she had the full right to do so. Eventually, Isobel shifted her attention back to him.

“How are you?”

Michael blinked at her for a moment in confusion. “Huh?”

A small pout overcame her face and she sighed, “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Rosa and Liz and it’s come to my attention that I may have been a shitty sister. We used to act like them, or something, but now I feel like we’ve just drifted apart without Max. Which I have no excuse for because I can feel you a lot more now. You feel… better.”

Michael was hesitant to smile as he watched her. This felt like one of those conversations that was going to veer off into the other direction, but right now… Right now, she looked sincere. So sincere that he pulled her into a hug and she clung right back. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her. 

“Catch me up, what have I missed,” she urged, grabbing his hands and sitting them both on the bed, “I’ll go first so you don’t think I’m hounding you. I donated a few grand of Noah’s money to a woman’s shelter, I have been really good at being nice to both Ortecho sisters, and I’ve been working with Arturo to make a name for the Crashdown online whenever I’m not working on my powers or, like, my actual job. Your turn.”

Michael very quickly realized he had nothing for show and tell. He simply went to work, helped them at the lab, checked on Max, and went home to Alex, repeat. What was brag-worthy about that?

“I don’t really have anything to update you on,” Michael said. Isobel rolled her eyes. 

“You are significantly less stressed than you were even last week,” she said, “What changed since then?”

He didn’t know how to answer without sounding stupid. Open honesty with Alex had suddenly cured his soul? Well, it wasn’t that. He couldn’t even really articulate what exactly had caused him to feel like this.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging, “Alex just likes having me around and we talk about things. We never used to do that before, it feels good.” Isobel gave him a tiny smile, like she knew something he didn’t. 

“You’re really happy with him?”

“We’re not, like, together or anything. I don’t want that right now, we’re just good like we are. But I… I can’t describe why it’s so good right now.”

“Because it’s unconditional,” Isobel said, voice soft and eyes glassy. She didn’t usually give him that look or speak to him like that. They were usually playful, but she looked serious. He wondered if it had anything to do with Max not being around. “You’re finally feeling unconditional love.”

Michael swallowed hard as she just said it out loud. It felt like a good descriptor, honestly. He felt wanted and needed, but in a way that meant he could also want and need right back and it wouldn’t result in failure. Because Alex trusted him enough to call him when he needed him even after all the bullshit, he didn’t kick him out when he ruined his jeans, he didn’t yell at him for not understanding, he only kept one secret. Alex had said open and he’d thrown himself all in.

But now that she said it out loud, it sounded terrifying.

“Okay, you look like you’re going to throw up,” Isobel said, sniffling, “Sorry, I’m just, like, feeding off your emotions and you just… you feel really safe. I’ve never felt that from you before and I didn’t realize. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you’ve never felt safe, Michael.”

“It’s okay,” he said, still trying to process it for himself. Is this really what it was supposed to feel like all the time?

“No, it’s not. I’ve been a shitty sister.”

“I’ve been a shitty brother.”

Isobel just rolled her eyes and pulled him into another hug, one that lasted a little longer than the one before. He sighed easily against her shoulder, closing his eyes as he relaxed in her grasp. He missed her so much.

“So, are you guys back together?”

“What? No.”

The sweet moment ended when she slapped his shoulder.

-

“So, um, your dad,” Liz said, scraping her fork against the plate. 

When Alex had suggested this whole thing so he could get a feel on how Liz was coping, he had stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, it would feel normal. They were all friends, all of them close and reliant on each other. And yet it was fucking awkward.

“Right,” Alex said, clearing his throat and putting his fork down, “So, we’re pretty sure he’s up to something on a deeper level. There’s something called M.V.C. that I’ve been trying to look into, but I’m not finding anything yet. I don’t know if I’m just looking in the wrong places or what, but, that being said, I think we all need to be careful.”

“I’m already being careful,” Liz told him. Alex nodded once.

“I know, I’m saying we need to be extra cautious,” Alex went on, “My brothers are in town and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they’re tied up in this shit. With Max being gone and us focusing on that, it makes everyone a little more vulnerable.” 

“Us?” Liz asked, tone still clipped, “No, it’s me and Isobel and Michael working on Max.”

Alex blinked and refused to show any emotion, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. He knew that Liz wasn’t exactly his biggest fan right now‒God knows why‒but he wasn’t sure why she was being rude. He’d given her a lab and they were supposed to be friends, and yet it seemed to stop there. They didn’t talk. They didn’t do anything. How much was that for friendship?

“Anyway,” Kyle jumped in, “Right now, Jenna is looking into Flint and Jesse to see if she can get any separate information that we aren’t getting.”

Alex took the moment of attention being taken off of him to look over for some strength to keep his mind on track. He didn’t want to let whatever Liz felt towards him distract him from why he was here. He locked eyes with Rosa who raised her eyebrows and tilted her head just enough to say you got this. He wasn’t sure she even knew what she was supporting him to do, but she did it anyway without any hesitation. He loved her for that.

“Wait, Jenna’s back in town?” Isobel asked.

“Yeah,” Kyle answered, “And she’s giving me updates, but so far Flint isn’t budging. Apparently, he’d been warned about her.”

“Back up, you told her about everything with Max?” Liz asked. Kyle eyed her and then gave Alex a look that said ‘see?’. Alex’s eyes drifted to Isobel and then Michael, both of them looking like they didn’t belong in the conversation, then to Rosa who was trying to hype him up to get on topic. “Because that is not your business to tell.”

“Liz, you know you can trust us, right?” Alex said, “Because it feels like you think you’re on you’re own.”

“Is that right? Because the only one helping me with Max is Michael and Isobel,” Liz argued, “You and Kyle aren’t helping.”

“Liz, I am helping, I’m just trying to also deal with Project Shepard stuff,” Kyle said softly. Liz shook her head, clearly irritated with him saying that. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“Liz, my father is an actual threat,” Alex told her, “We don’t even know if Max has a chance. His heart is shredded. Can he even be revived, Liz? Honestly, can he? Or is this just false hope to distract you from mourning him?”

Liz stared at him with a look that was so distinctly Rosa that it was jarring. She shoved her chair back and got to her feet, abandoning the table. They all sat quietly for a moment before Rosa pushed back her chair.  Alex shook his head.

“I got it,” he said. Michael caught his eye, seeming a little too serious as he stared at him. That’d be the next thing he dealt with.

Alex followed Liz to the bedroom and found her standing there like she was preparing for a fight, face hardened and eyes set on him the moment he walked through the door. He took a moment to prepare himself as he shut the door behind him.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Alex,” she said as soon as the latch clicked in place.

“The science part? No, you’re right, I don’t. But I do know that you’re being more than a little irrational. What happens if it doesn’t work? Is Max even getting better at all?” 

“Nothing exponential yet, but it’s something! It’s only been a month, Alex! We’re not going backward and that’s all I need to know that I can fix this!”

“Okay, and if you do fix it, then what happens? If you manage to resurrect him, then what? Because with the way you’re acting, I’m failing to see how you’re aren’t going to get some sort of power high from resurrecting someone.”

“The way I’m acting? Who are you, my dad? I’m just doing what’s right! He died to bring Rosa back, it’s my job to bring him back!”

“Is it, though? It’s not like you asked him to bring her back.”

“It doesn’t matter! I love him!” she yelled, tears brimming her eyes, “I love him and I hate him! He didn’t even ask me and he, he just left me as soon as I had something good! This can’t be the end of it!”

Things clicked in Alex’s head then and he took a step forward, holding his hands out so she could see them clearly. 

“I know,” he said, “I know how it feels to lose someone just when it gets good.”

“Oh, screw you, Alex, you don’t know how I feel. You can’t compare your stupid little affair in high school to this,” Liz spat. He nodded even though it rubbed him the wrong way.

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” he agreed, “But pushing everyone away isn’t going to help, and being in denial isn’t going to help either. You need to mourn and you need your friends.” Liz shook her head and took a step away from him.

“No, what I need is Kyle and Michael to focus on helping me instead of being at your every beck and call,” she told him. Alex let his hands drop, his eyebrows furrowing. “They’re the only ones who can help me and you’re just capitalizing their time.”

“You’re… mad at me for having friends? You lost me,” Alex said. Liz groaned, throwing her head back and wiping her head.

“I’m not mad at you for having friends, I’m mad that,” Liz said, stopping herself as she gathered her thoughts, “I’m mad that…”

“That things aren’t going your way?” Alex filled in, “That things aren’t like they used to be? That I’m not just going to fold and back away and let you and Maria walk all over me and take everything?” 

Liz scoffed, “We did not walk all over you.”

“Okay, maybe not, but you were definitely put first. Hell, you still are on some level. I know you don’t get it, but if I avoid my father, it won’t matter if you can bring Max back or not. We’re all fucked.  We’re breaking rules to accommodate you and Michael and Kyle are doing all that they can to help you even if you don’t see it,” Alex explained, “And, look, I know you don’t like me anymore, but I do still care about you and it’s worrying me that you aren’t thinking clearly.”

“What?” Liz sighed, looking at him like he’d lost it, “What do you mean I don’t like you?”

“I’m not stupid, Liz. You call me your friend because we used to be, but actions speak louder than words.”

“Oh, but that doesn’t apply to you?”

“Excuse me?” Alex asked. She gave him a look like he should know what she meant, but he had no idea. 

“You know that Michael has no idea what he wants and you’re still playing house with him,” she said, “I know you aren’t stupid, Alex, which is what I’m not getting. Why are you letting him in your house like that when you know he’s just trying to fuck you and Maria over? I like him, I do, and I know he’s charming, but he doesn’t care about anything but himself, Max, and Isobel at the end of the day. He is just like Max but even more destructive and all you’re doing is enabling him to hurt more people.”

Her words hit Alex like a blow to the stomach. He physically took a step back, trying to follow her ridiculous train of thought. 

“Don’t talk about something you know nothing about,” Alex breathed, shaking his head. She gave him a truly pitiful look like he was the one who should feel bad.

“I know enough.”

“Do you?” Alex scoffed, “Do you know that I love him? That he loves me? That I have spent over a decade keeping him safe and I am not about to stop now? Maybe that makes me a fucking dumbass, but I know what I’m getting myself into with him. He’s not trying to fuck Maria over, he’s trying to learn how to take care of himself before he dives into something. He is doing better than I have ever seen him and I’m not going to take that away because you don’t understand. And he is not like Max. Just because your little alien is murderous and self-righteous, doesn’t mean mine is. And, for God’s sake, don’t act like this is about Michael when it’s about me.”

Liz stared at him, his words slowly but surely sinking in. He waited and stared without faltering. He realized a little bit more about the benefits of having Michael Guerin staying in his house. After this was over, he didn’t have to be alone. After this, he was going to go home and curl up against his chest and listen to him breathe and be held until he fell asleep. That would make up for this.

“You’re in love?” she asked. Alex rubbed his hands over his face.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, “What matters is you think I’m sabotaging things by going after my dad and monopolizing Michael’s time. That isn’t what’s happening and I don’t know how to make you realize that.” 

Liz stared at him, those frustrated tears coming right back.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Alex,” she admitted, “Everyone’s changed since we were kids, but you’re a completely different person. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to handle that on top of everything else.”

That stung, but Alex knew it was fair. He was still trying to see himself too.

“Okay,” Alex said, “Then I’ll make time to work closer with you.” 

“What?”

“That’s the problem, right? You’re struggling to trust me, but we’re both the ones discovering the most information about this shit. We should be working together,” Alex decided, “Then maybe you can re-get to know me.”

“Okay.”

“You need friends, Liz,” he told her, “Or you’re going to break.”

Liz took a deep breath and nodded, wiping away her tears.

“Okay.”

-

“I got the glue out of your jeans.”

“Thanks.”

Alex was already curled up in bed and rubbing his temples by the time Michael came into the bedroom. He was tired and hadn’t really talked to anyone since he argued with Liz. His skin felt too tight and he was irritable and he felt even worse when he realized Michael was feeding off his negativity. He’d been in a good mood before dinner.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as Michael quietly checked the closet and behind the curtains for him before shutting off the lights.

“You’re okay,” Michael said. Alex shut his eyes as the bed shifted and he waited for Michael to reach for attention like he usually did. Except he didn’t. “Hey, uh… Do you really think we won’t be able to bring Max back?”

Alex curled in on himself a little more. Right.

“I don’t know. I just want you all to be prepared.”

“Yeah.”

Micahel was quiet for a few minutes, long enough that Alex started thinking he was angry at him. Alex almost apologized a handful of times, longing to be forgiven for something he wasn’t actually sorry for. He just didn’t want to push him away, he didn’t want to be annoying, he didn’t want to be a problem. 

“Hey, Alex?” Michael said. Alex let out an unexpectedly heavy breath and he cursed himself for it. “Is there anything important you haven’t told me? Like, alien wise?”

Alex was instantly bombarded with documented torture he’d kept a secret, filmed dissections he’d hidden, videos of his mother trying to sweet talk guards that hit her or worse in response that he’d lied about, and that stupid piece of the ship that scared him more than anything. They were all stupid and small and out of Alex’s control in the grand scheme of things, but they were big and scary on their own. What if Michael stopped feeling safe? What if Michael left?

“No,” Alex said, “I’ve told you everything.”

Michael was silent again for a few seconds. Alex waited for him to call him out for being a liar, to call him out for being annoying and not the guy he actually loved. If Liz didn’t see him as himself, why should Michael?

Except then the mattress creaked as he shifted and slowly Michael’s arms encircled his torso. He exhaled in relief as Michael pressed up behind him, fitting against his form effortlessly. They fit together so well sometimes it hurt him. But he pressed his warm nose behind Alex’s ear and held him tight, using his body heat and willpower to shoo away all his bad feelings.

“You’re the strongest man I know, you know that, right?” Michael told him softly, “I trust you more than anyone in this entire galaxy.”

Alex didn’t know how to say he wasn’t worthy of that title. So he didn’t.

“It’s okay,” Michael added even softly, his voice hardly even making a sound at this point, “It’s okay to be sad. We all need a little help sometimes.” The words were Alex’s, but they fit in his mouth like they belonged there.

Alex’s body was flooded with emotion, that overwhelming feeling of everything coming for him and forcing tears to his eyes. None fell and he kept his eyes closed, but he knew more than ever that he loved him.

He loved him so much it hurt.

-

“Did you find anything?”

“Um, I think you should sit down.”

Kyle furrowed his eyebrows but did as Cam instructed and sat on her motel bed. He’d been spending a lot of time there the last few nights, usually after shifts so they could talk about theories. Right now, though, he was just drained from a very uncomfortable dinner.

“Did Flint tell you something?”

“No,” she said slowly, sitting beside him with a file in her hand. She kept it to her chest so he couldn’t see it until she wanted him too. “He was a dead-end and visiting hours with Jesse are over. He gets out of the hospital in a few days though, which you knew, and I plan to speak with him then. But I started thinking about it and I looked into something else.”

“And you found something?”

“Yeah,” Cam confirmed, eying him hesitantly, “I don’t think it’s three generations.”

“Oh?” Kyle said. Slowly, she pulled the file from her chest and held it in front of them, opening it to see the same tattoo on a brown-skinned hip. He grabbed onto the file.“Who is this?”

“Don’t freak out.”

He looked over to her in confusion. “Why would I freak out?”

“I was thinking about it and I was trying to think who was just as involved with aliens as Jesse Manes,” she said, “So I started searching through old military records and a lot of them had either pictures or descriptions of their tattoos, stuff to identify soldiers by if worse came to worst. We got lucky that the Valenti’s clearly have no problem with their bare ass being in a picture.”

Kyle’s eyes widened involuntarily as he realized what she was saying. And it definitely wasn’t generational. Instead, it was starting to look a lot more like a cult.

“So…”

“Yep,” she sighed, “Manes and Valenti. Two heads of Neptune’s trident.”

“Fuck.”

[professorspork]

today in the Andromeda Galaxy, GLITCHES TRIED TO KILL ME BUT I MADE IT WORK. or, well. Helen made it work, actually, and I was very grateful. (Elaaden, what do you have against my triangle button working? and wtf was that Nomad bug where suddenly I could see through time and the world contracted and my hair turned white????)

anyway.

this morning I joked to Helen that I was feeling very “I love all of my crew equally”/“I don’t care for Cora” so today I made a concerted effort to get to know her better--and tried a few Nomad combos where she wouldn’t sound like the fun police. (turns out, she and Vetra get along great! and also when I put her with Peebee she gets very self-conscious about how she’s totes not appropriating asari culture and it’s v embarrassing. on the OTHER hand, she makes fun of Peebee for peeping on Jaal and like, again, wtf, let me have my ot3.)

I started out finishing up that Morda drive core mission that glitched, and of course I gave the krogan the drive core in exchange for the outpost because I LOVE KROGAN and also RYDER LOVES OUTPOSTS. win/win tbh. but honestly the best part was getting to pick the dialogue option talking to Addison “fuck Tann” and Ryder actually getting to say fuck! it’s the little things.

after closing out Elaaden I decided to try and finish up a few errand-y missions like scanning plants, etc. in doing so, I got to play soccer with my very best friend Liam which was a heartwarming lot of fun, and fought TWO architects because just one was not enough. Peebee’s ex stole our beloved Proof Of Concept (I know the bot is called Poc, but honestly I think full-naming it is much cuter) and I was all “of course I’m gonna help you we’re in this together” which threw Peebee off her game because she’s still thrown every time someone cares about her. I AM, AGAIN, CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH, GENUINELY SAD I’M GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE AMONG ROMANCE OPTIONS. this experience could not be more different from the main trilogy, where I romanced Liara out of a sense of obligation/curiosity faaaaaar more than any genuine interest or investment, and wasn’t tempted* to deviate from that by anyone else along the way. there are a thousand mechanical reasons why I think romance works much, much better in Andromeda than it ever did in the main series--among them the very pointed focus on found family throughout, the more nuanced ability to craft a unique Ryder by doing away with paragon/renegade and instead having the more robust conversation trees, and the overworld chatting on the Nomad giving EVERYONE the amount of personality off the bat that my OG crew had to like bite and claw for for two and a half games-- but like. I’m not gonna lie a big part of it is just that I just think more of these people are more interesting as potential partners. I THINK I AM AN ANDROMEDA GIRL. 

* well that’s a lie I would have romanced Tali in a heartbeat if I weren’t playing fem!Shep and that was illegal. and I’ll probably romance Sam Traynor after that. so. it’s not a total bust.

but I digress. 

saved that scientist’s baby on Voeld, and afterwards had my first ACTUAL, HUMAN conversation with Addison about--shockingly--the nature of friendship. I was genuinely surprised and pleased! look at us go! I also did some spying for that STG agent, and got the world’s most badly delivered “gee, are you really going to believe that old coot?” speech out of my main suspect, which was hilariously insulting.

and then, partly due to Helen’s advice and partly because, again, today was Learn To Appreciate Cora Day, I finished out her loyalty mission! I was shocked to find Sarissa alive after all the build-up-- I was certain that after that long a drum roll for how key she’d be in the Initiative’s growth that we’d find her mega-dead-- but as Helen pointed out to me, the trope is Don’t Meet Your Heroes, not Your Hero Is Probably Dead, Actually. her whole “be calm, soldier” routine @ Vedaria was kind of grating in the moment but is very cute after the fact, so fine. the whole muted sounds and gravity tricks of that final fight were super fun, even though I did accidentally jump into space once or twice. the big biotics lightshow was v impressive, but after I took a pretty hardline stance on Sarissa: come clean and shut up, and you’re fired. I did get a little offended when the asari captain was like “you could have killed us all, it was only dumb luck that Ryder found us” bc EXCUSE ME, SOME OF IT WAS DUMB SKILL, but still. it was good to get that all settled, and very good to hear Cora say what was immediately obvious to everyone but her, which is that her compulsion towards mentors and plans would have made her a poor Pathfinder but makes her a perfect XO. 

then I hit level 50 and spent a lot of time upgrading my gear, and like-- a kind god would have put the loadout console next to R&D and the buy/sell screen so I wouldn’t have to run up and down the Tempest corridor like an idiot. but whatever. Baby’s Fourth Beam Gun TM (an Avenger with a beam emitter) is working out splendidly, I’m slicing and dicing with my asari sword, and I’ve just put seeking plasma bolts on my Eagle which delights me. still shopping around for my ideal sniper before I commit but we’re getting there! 

then I went to start the new planet, but then realized Ark Natanus was right there, and ended up backtracking twice. First I ran back to the Nexus thinking there’d be another fun homecoming cut scene for the asari like there’d been for the salarians that I didn’t want to muddy with adding turians, too, only that didn’t happen. boo! I did remember to check on my mom, tho, so that was nice and emotional. then I went back to Netanus to start that up, only to realize I was wearing a very ugly and entirely face-obscuring helmet-- and once it was clear the entirety of the mission was going to be me emoting at Rix, I restarted the mission with a different armor loudout. yes, I am that vain, but only because opportunities for mlm/wlw solidarity are rare in this game (Gil’s been quiet lately, lol) and Rix deserved my best. though after doing all this, I am wondering: why do all the SAMs have different voices? surely making even one AI as smart and unique as SAM is difficult; then making each Ark’s SAM unique feels like an unnecessary burden? but whatever.

H-whateverthefuck is by far my favorite planet to Nomad around on. I’ve been complaining about the lack of low gravity mechanics since the Mako in ME1 (WE WENT TO THE MOON, THE LITERAL MOON, OUR MOON, AND NOT EVEN THAT HAD LOW GRAVITY?) and so this felt like pure vindication. (also, in general but very aggressively NOT for this planet because of the radiation, shout out to the Nomad for letting me get out no matter how poorly or vertically it’s parked, because lord knows I glitched the Mako many times trying to pause and get out in ‘impossible’ places the Nomad handles with ease.) anyway. the concept of a broken-up planet is terrifying, and the reality of it was eerie as all get-out. what neat execution!

and speaking of a neat execution, I’m so relieved going with the interrupt and firing at Meriwether while she held Sid worked, because I was again legit scared I might get Sid killed. as you’ll recall re: my Jaal loyalty mission, that’s the second time I was genuinely quite nervous there would be real consequences to screwing this up! I give the game a lot of credit for building a world where it feels like I really could screw up that badly. I’m very proud/fond of Sid, and the whole security camera mechanic was delightful-- a more fun version of the kind of stuff KOTOR always made me do. back on the Tempest, I decided to flirt with Vetra while the flirting’s still good, but tbh her flirt option (“I care about Sid bc I care about you”) wasn’t even all that romantically valanced, if you ask me! but also I love that Sid’s idea of justice is fast-tracking having cats in Heleus. 

phew! with so many big things now out of the way, I’m not sure how much dithering I can/should do before continuing with the main mission. but that’s a decision for future me.

[thinking-outside-the-giftbox18]

A Pill In Time: Chapter 1 - Welcome to St. Dymphna’s Psych Ward

Part 1 - The Cafeteria

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747456/chapters/62524816

Wattpad link: https://www.wattpad.com/932664360-a-pill-in-time-ahit-psych-ward-au-chapter-1

Summary: An alternate universe where A Hat In Time [by Gears For Breakfast] is set in a psychic ward and anyone non-human in the game are human now.

Notes: The writer has done research on the mental disorders yet has trouble understanding and memorizing them, please don’t harass or insult them as they have tried to be empathetic and avoid spreading misinformation.

The perspective of the main character changes to the next character to show what the main character is really doing.

TW: Mental disorders [Autism/Autism Spectrum, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, etc.], the perspective of a child can be dark too, self-loathing, mentions of physical abuse [not kids fighting each other, we were kids who fought our own siblings before, unless it was physical abuse on your perspective…nevermind…], mild swearing, might be boring depending on how I write this story.

I swear I’m not crying…I’m not crying at all! When I get angry, the sweat goes into my eyeballs! I’m gonna kick Timmy to the ground till he becomes a vegetable and I’ll chop him up and eat him for dinner, and he better taste delicious!!! Okay Hana, calm yourself…You have to get your toys first before anyone else can! I see what looked like a cafeteria up ahead, and then I heard what sounded like a girl making karate noises and punching someone. I was almost close to the source of the sound when I saw this girl, she had blond

hair that was tied into pigtails, but the bands are almost at the end of the hair. She was kicking a big security guy who looks like he was in pain, she stopped and turned towards me, she had yellow eyes that stared at me with surprise and confusion.

Before I can say anything, she ran away and I had to follow her. She went inside the cafeteria and kept ducking under the tables and dodging the other security guys…who all look the same…weird. While chasing her, I noticed something near the tall barred windows and I ran over to it. It was my blue blanket with star patterns, still folded and rolled in a bundle! I grabbed it and shoved it inside the bag. I got up and looked around…great, I lost her. I cautiously tried to get to the exit, but then I heard a loud booming voice, I almost hit my head under the tables from jumping!

“FIND THAT BLONDE GIRL AND MAKE SURE TO PUT HER IN THE ROOM!!!”

My ears ring from that yell, I really don’t know or want to know what “The room” is. I peep up and see a chef with black hair and a scowl on his face, he has a fancy mustache and bushy brows. He had both his arms on his hip and commanding the guards around, I quickly left the room before he can see me.

Mark’s P. O. V.

I looked around the cafeteria, making sure no table is left unturned for Maria, that little she-devil…As I was watching out for her, I could have sworn that I had seen someone ran out the cafeteria… Might be that I’m really tired.

Hana’s P. O. V.

That was close…I looked around and see that I have some options, there was a flight of stairs going up and an elevator. I was busy thinking of my choice to venture to the other floors that I did not notice the clicking sounds from the badges on my bagpack. I jumped and turned to see that girl again, who looked at me like a curious owl.

She walked around me, looking up and down, suspicious and serious. Is…Is that red marker on her cheeks??

Maria’s P. O. V.

This brown haired girl with blue eyes looked at me with surprise; maybe she couldn’t believe the glorious sight of Miss Maria, the Marvelous Hero of the St. Dymphna’s Psych Ward!

That is a working title, by the way!

“Hello there! You must be new here! I am Maria the Marvelous and Welcome to the Psych Ward! What are your superpowers?” I introduced myself to the newbie; she looked at me silently and blinked, like any clueless person. She must be a mute, like those two weirdoes from the third floor who scare the security goons.

“You must have a really cool superpower, kid! I’m the hero of this place and I’m currently on a mission! Wanna join the rebellion?” She was about to open her mouth, but I know the answer! “Great! I had to hire you after watching you escape from the bad guys’ headquarters, that’s some pretty good sneaking if you ask me!” Then I remembered the badges on her bag, I ask about them “Those are some pretty cool badges you got there! Do they mean anything? Do they relate to that super cool superpower of yours?”

Just the thought of having a badge for having a superpower already sounded awesome! “I saw this boy with a red jacket running around and dropping off these weird looking toys on the corners of the building before I got here. Do those belong to you?” She nodded her head immediately, good to know she’s not deaf. “I can help you find them all since we’re comrades now! Or better yet, we’re partners in crime! Whaddya’ say?” I held up a hand for a high-five, and then realized she’s shorter than me.

Hana’s P. O. V.

No offense to Maria but she was and sounds bossy and obnoxious. However, I was really grateful for the help she had given me. I jumped up and immediately high-fived Maria back, I spent my time with Timmy to know to never be slow to a high-five. She seemed impressed by that and she led the way.

As we found my comfort toys one by one around the ground floor, she talked about the ward and the tall tales of the residents who live in the second and third floor above. There’s a grumpy old man who yells at everything and argues with another guy who has big poofy hair, a long haired tall man who screamed at the guards and one of them sort of died, a skinny red eyed man who chants to himself while his fingers are always entangled with threads, and finally this really creepy lady who screams every day and attacks anyone on sight. The last one kind of scared me because after Maria told me that tale, a distant scream rang out and Maria looked equally as scared as I am, even though she later denied it.

Anyways, she takes me back to the cafeteria and I’m making sure to not open my mouth, though it was getting harder everytime Maria talked.

Maria says that she had recalled seeing one of my comfort toys in the kitchen, I show my “upset face” which is me lowering both my eyebrows.

“Don’t worry, I, Miss Maria the Marvelous, know a shortcut!” she exclaimed, peaking my interest. It’s started to feel like an action spy movie! I listened to her directions, making sure to not leave out anything and nod my head to show that I listened. “Okay, new kid! Go in there and get that thing! Knock ‘em dead if you get caught!” I waved and ran off to the back door.

Maria’s P. O. V.

I waved her back as she sneaked into the kitchen back door, to be honest…I feel happy to have a friend after being here for so long…

She is planning to betray you…~

My heart sank and eyes widened. ‘S-She won’t…! I can tell!’

She is silently planning on telling about you to those stupid goons…~ And laugh at your ugly face for believing in her~

‘She wouldn’t do that!! She was so nice!’

She will watch you cry and take away your place as the hero. Her toys are her strength, that is why she was looking for them~ She’ll become a powerful villain and betray you to the very end~

…I am her friend. I trust her. I’ll prove you wrong! She’ll thank me and never leave me! Watch me! When I enter the cafeteria, she’ll open the door after getting in the kitchen.

But I am always right. Without me, you’ll be nothing…We were there when “he” put you in this place, we’ll always will be~

…

…

I doubt you now.

So be it.

I entered the cafeteria cautiously, and waited for the newbie to unlock the door, but it was still locked… Maybe she bailed out on us…~ Or she got stuck somewhere…

Suddenly the door unlocked and the kid stood by it while she gave a kind smile at me. “Well, you took your time, didn’t you? Don’t make me wait like that ever again!” I huffed and turn up my nose in annoyance before playfully snicker and hold her hand. She was surprised but smiled back at me before following me to the kitchen.

Hana’s P. O. V.

I was a bit shocked at Maria’s fake snobbish attitude, but I knew it was just pretend. To be fair, it was difficult to pass through the vents of the kitchen, I was lucky to find gloves before going in there. Everything was so sticky and slimy, and even so…small! I shuddered at the thought of it. I don’t mind letting my guard down for Maria, she isn’t so bad after all. I hope it stays that way after I get my comfort toys back.

[tasteofshapes]

There’s always a battle to fight, a Hollow somewhere to purify. They’re flying through the park, Rukia ridding piggyback, her hands light on his shoulders and her knees pressing into Ichigo’s sides, then she checks her phone and says, “okay, here.”

He slides to a stop in the clearing she’s picked, and she jumps off smoothly and lands without a sound, her sword already in her hands. They stand back-to-back, swords drawn. It doesn’t take long, just a few seconds, and then the air shimmers and the Hollow appears above them. It’s small, by Hollow standards, a scorpion-like creature the size of a horse with a barbed tail, but fast – it falls right in-between them, and they jump apart at the last moment.

Ichigo tucks and rolls as he slashes at the underside of its belly, and it screeches in anger and turns to face him. The air shimmers again, and then another Hollow appears, right behind him. He senses the attack and dodges to the right just as a massive fist comes smashing down. He twists around and stares up into the slobbering jowls of a particularly huge Hollow the size of a three-storey building as it drools on him.

“I’ll take the big ugly one,” Ichigo shouts, grinning at it, and slashes at it to draw its attention before flash stepping a short distance away to clear the field.

“You always do,” Rukia says, more to herself than anything. Ichigo always has an affinity for the big ugly ones, the bigger, the uglier, the better. For now, her attention is occupied by the Hollow in front of her. The scorpion Hollow dashes at her repeatedly, using a combination of its legs and its tail to attack. She deflects, giving ground until she sees an opening, then drives her sword right through the center of its mask. Perfect.

She turns away to watch Ichigo spar with the monster Hollow as the scorpion Hollow begins to disappear behind her. She’s not paying attention, and it only takes a moment. The Hollow scorpion’s tail whips out from nowhere and the barbed end stabs her from her behind, right in her chest. She doesn’t even have time to curse her carelessness before the tail snaps, whip sharp, and flings her halfway across the park.

Rukia hits a tree truck with so much force that the actual tree topples over. Her head thumps against the solid wood, and then the momentum carries her body forward and she bounces off the ground, rolls to a stop. The impact is hard enough that it knocks the breath out of her, and her vision slips for a moment. She’s on her back, staring up at the sky and struggling to draw breath as her lungs burn. Everything hurts, and she fights to stay conscious. Then the world begins to dim, and she closes her eyes to a sudden flash of black and the sound of Ichigo’s cry of rage ringing in her ears. Distantly, she thinks he might be screaming her name.

When she comes to, she’s lying on a soft futon somewhere, and there’s a really tall guy with an unruly mop of orange hair sitting cross-legged next to the futon, holding her hand and peeping anxiously down at her.

“Oh thank god, Rukia, you’re awake,” the Carrot-Top says, sounding relieved, still holding onto her hand.

“What?” She croaks out, and sits up, blinking to get the world into focus. Her mouth is dry, and Carrot-Top hands her a glass of water sitting on a nearby side table. She drinks as she takes in her surroundings – a bare room, with a massive sword lying next to Carrot-Top that she assumes belongs to him, given the way he has one hand placed possessively on the hilt – and then studies Carrot-Top. He’s cute, in a vaguely menacing, brooding kind of way.

“What’s with the outfit,” she says, gesturing to the black and white shihkusho that he’s got on, “are you cosplaying? And where am I?”

Carrot-Top’s expression darkens. “Cosplaying?” He repeats, frowning, “wait, who taught you that word? Was it Keigo?! Did he show you a costume and tell you it’s something that everyone wears for fun? Did he ask you to wear something lacy?” His face goes red when he says the word ‘lacy’.

“Wow,” she says, interested, “did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like a strawberry when you turn that shade of pink? Also, Keigo who?”

Strawberry scowls. “Yeah, never heard that one before,” he mutters. Then he seems to catch onto what she said, and worriedly says, “what you do remember last?”

She takes a while to think back. “I’m not sure, everything is kind of hazy. I think I was in a park somewhere. Wait, who are you again?”

Strawberry looks slightly taken aback. “I’m Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo.”

“Well, at least the name fits your face. And who am I?”

A strange expression crosses the Strawberry– Ichigo’s face, and then he looks thoughtful, almost amused. “W-e-l-l,” he says, drawing it out, “when we first met, I called you Shinigami. Then after we became friends, you responded to Midget, or Shorty, or Dummy. Other people call you Rukia, though. Kuchiki Rukia.”

She says icily, “and when I respond to you, is it usually with a kick?”

He’s fighting a smile. “Threatening me with violence already, Rukia? You must be fine.” He hesitates for a second, then adds more quietly, “more recently though, I’ve started calling you my girlfriend.” He looks at her anxiously, to see how she’ll take this bit of information.

“Huh. And I let you? Wow, that’s generous of me.” She looks him up and down with a critical eye – not bad, not bad at all – then shrugs and says, “alright, you’ll have to do, I guess.”

“Jeez, thanks!”

“You’re welcome.” She smiles at him, crossing her arms across her chest, which is when she notices that she’s dressed in an outfit exactly identical to his. “Huh,” she says, picking at a large tear in her kosode near her chest.

“We were in a fight,” Ichigo explains. “The Hollow you purified sneak-attacked you right before it vanished, and you hit your head pretty hard. We’re at Urahara’s; he’s also the one who healed you. Do you remember any of this at all?”

Rukia shakes her head slowly, frowning. Then a thought occurs to her. “Hey, if that’s your sword, where’s mine?”

Ichigo laughs. “Figures that would be your main concern. Sode no Shirayuki’s over there.” He nods to where a slim sword is standing in a corner, and Rukia suddenly has the overwhelming urge to get her hands on it. She goes over, admiring the design on the handle before she touches the sword carefully. Then muscle memory kicks in, and she draws the blade out of its hilt in one smooth action, closing her eyes at the familiar feeling of her hands wrapped around the handle.

Rukia, a cool voice says in the back of her head. Her eyes fly open, but there’s no one else in the room except Ichigo, who is watching her carefully, and who says nothing. Somehow, the idea of hearing voices that no one else can doesn’t scare her as much as she thought it would.

It will come back to you, the voice says. There is the promise of power, of snow, of winter.  You will remember. When you do, find me.

“Hmm,” she murmurs thoughtfully. A part of her recognizes the voice, but she can’t quite place it. Sode no Shirayuki, Ichigo had called the sword, like it was a person with a name.

She looks at Ichigo then, at the concern he can’t quite wipe off his face, at the way he’s forcing himself to remain relaxed so that he doesn’t freak her out more than she already is. She doesn’t question how she instinctively knows that he’s tense and worried, despite his casual pose.

“Alright,” Rukia says, settling back down onto the futon and placing her sword across her lap. She looks at Ichigo. “Will you tell me more about what you know about me? About… us?”

Ichigo breaks into a smile at that. “Yeah, of course I will,” he says, then reaches for her hand. His fingers are calloused, rough; and his touch sends a jolt of happiness through her that she can’t explain. Rukia looks down at their joined hands, fingers interlaced together, and it feels right. It feels like coming home.

“So,” Ichigo says, “once upon a time, there was a very handsome boy who was minding his own business, when this short and bad-tempered Shinigami appeared in his room…”

-

Day 20: memory loss | Other Days

[ask-the-apocalypse-kids]

Don’t sleep

Summary: After an unknown plague that kills you while you sleep sweeps across the world, a group of survivors must stay awake for as long as they can to find out the truth. But what if some can’t keep their eyes open?

Warnings: Descriptions of kidnapping, swearing, descriptions of surgery, death mentions, drug mentions

Chapter 3

The man stood over the empty ghost town that laid out before him. Not a single thing made a peep ever since the previous night. This was his world now. The man grinned to himself before walking back to his van. He grabbed the back door and pulled the sliding door open. Stepping inside, he looked at the young woman he had chained up in the back of his van. She was whimpering quietly as she looked up at him. “Maddie?” The man mumbled quietly as he sat down on the floor. “Yes sir?” The girl croaked out as she looked up at him.

“Somethings happening. Something incredible.” The man told her with a wicked grin. “Please sir. Please let me go home. I just want to see my mom.” Maddie begged the man, tears streaming down her swollen cheeks. “I hate to say this Maddie but I think she’s dead.” The man told her frankly, no sympathy in his voice. Maddie broke down and started to sob loudly. She wanted to go home. The man frowned as her sobs got louder. “You know you’re really ugly when you cry? How about you shut the fuck up?” The man snapped at her. Maddie only sobbed harder.

“Here, are you hungry? Let me drive to town and get us some breakfast.” The man hummed before crawling into the driver’s seat and starting up the van. The man drove down the hill and into the empty town. He stopped in the middle of the road and got out. Walking down the street, he looked at the empty stores and buildings as he passed. He eventually stopped in front of a gun store. Smirking to himself, he grabbed a stray brick off the ground and threw it at the store window. The brick shattered the glass and the man stepped inside.

“Hallelujah.” The man hummed to himself as he walked through the store. All of this was his for the taking. He was in control now. He picked up an AK and cocked it. “Hot damn.” He exclaimed as he started to fill it with bullets. It was time he paid some people he knew a visit.

July 5th 10:00 a.m. Brody smelled of vomit. Aasim had made her throw up the sleeping pills she took not too long ago. Aasim looked at her hunched over figure, a bit of worry filling him. “Do you want some water? I have a bottle or two in my car.” He asked her, resting a hand on her back. “Yeah. Yeah. I could use one.” Brody huffed before walking back over and getting in the car. Aasim got back into the driver’s seat and picked up a water bottle from the middle dash and handed it to Brody. She thanked him and took a swig of the water bottle. When she was done drinking, she set the bottle down.

“How are you feeling, Aasim?” She asked him, looking over at him. “Sleepy.” Aasim hummed quietly. He was hoping that response would make her laugh. It didn’t. “Aasim, this is serious. You have to let me know how you’re feeling at all times now. Neither of us can fall asleep or that’s it, we’re done.” Brody told him seriously. “I hear you.” Aasim told her with a nod as she settled back into her seat. “We need to go back to the hospital. I need to perform some tests. Try and figure out what’s causing this.” Brody stated. Aasim nodded and started his car back up, driving down the road.

As they drove down the road, Brody looked over at Aasim. “Hey Aasim?” She asked him quietly. “Yeah?” He hummed in response. “How did you know I needed to throw up the pills?” She asked him. Aasim contemplated on what to say. He figured that she would think he was crazy if he told her it was because of the dream he had the night before. So he didn’t tell her that. “Just has a feeling.” He told her nonchalantly. “A feeling?” Brody questioned him, her eyebrow raised. “Yeah. I figured that it had to have something to do with sleep. So I took a risk.” Aasim explained to her. Brody nodded and leaned back in her seat.

“We might be in luck when we get to the hospital. The place has a pretty large stash of Modaffinil.” Brody hummed quietly. Modaffinil was a drug manufactured for the purpose of staying awake. One little pill could keep you awake for up to 48 hours. It was originally used to be some cure for Narcolepsy. But then it was used on soldiers to keep them up for combat for days at a time. In other words, it was a super drug. “You really think that can help us?” Aasim asked her as he drove. “It’s our only shot. If we have a chance to stay awake, we need to take it. No fucking around.” Brody told him as they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

Brody got out of the car and walked up to the hospital doors. Aasim followed close behind her. The automatic doors slid open as they walked up to them. As they walked inside, Aasim immediately noticed that the place was empty. Not a single person in sight. “Dr. Chan?! Abigail?!” Brody called as she walked down the hall. She was met with dead silence. “Fuck.” Brody cursed before walking back to Aasim. “Dr. Chan must have told everyone to evacuate. This whole place is empty.” She told him. “Okay. Well, what should we do?” Aasim asked her. “You call anyone you think still might be awake. Tell them to not go to sleep and to meet us here. I’m gonna prepare some cadavers for examinations.” Brody explained to him.

“Wait, what are you gonna do with cadavers?” Aasim asked her as he pulled out his phone. “If we wanna know what’s doing this, we need to examine the brains of the victims. Now make your calls.” Brody told him before walking off further into the hospital. Aasim sighed before walking out the automatic doors to the front steps. He went through his contacts to see who might still be awake. Mitch’s contact came up and Aasim hesitated to click on it at first. After some thought he decided to try and call Mitch again. Six rings. “Hi this is Mitch. Leave a message.” The same damn automated message played when no one picked up on the other end. “Fucking hell.” Aasim cursed quietly. “Hey Mitch, it’s Aasim again. Listen, you need to come to Santa Mero hospital. It’s extremely important. Please let me know that you’re safe.” Aasim spoke into the voicemail before hanging up.

Aasim scrolled through his contacts some more before clicking another name. Louis was on his couch playing Red Dead Redemption when suddenly his phone rang. Reaching over, he picked up the phone and answered it. “Hello?” He hummed tiredly into the phone. “Louis! Thank god you picked up! Listen, I need you to get to Santa Mero hospital as soon as possible.” Aasim’s worried voice spoke on the other end. “Woah, woah dude, slow down. What’s going on?” Louis asked him as he sat up straight. “I can’t explain it directly over the phone. I need you here.” Aasim told him directly. “Sim, you’re freaking me out.” Louis told him. “Just get here! Please!” Aasim shouted at him. “Okay! Okay! Let me get my pants on.” Louis told him before hanging up.

A few minutes later, Louis pulled up to the front of the hospital in his car. Louis spotted Aasim waiting on the front steps for him and stopped. When Aasim spotted the familiar black camaro pull up, he stood up. He watched as Louis stopped his car and got out. “Louis. Thank god you’re here.” Aasim called as he walked up to him. He could tell that Louis was visibly shaken. “What the fuck is going on? Where is everyone?” Louis asked with clear fear and worry in his voice. Louis must have clearly noticed the empty streets. Santa Mero, a once lively city of 50,000 was now a ghost town.

Aasim looked over as Brody walked over and greeted Louis. “Hi.” She said simply to Louis. “Louis, this is Brody, a nurse who works at this hospital. Brody, this is Louis, my co-worker and closest-“ Aasim was suddenly cut off. “What the fuck is going on?” Louis snapped, fear evident in his voice. “We don’t know. All we know is that it started last night around four a.m.” Brody told him calmly. Aasim sat and listened as Brody caught Louis up to speed.

Louis was a veteran and has seen his fair share of shit shows. But this was something else entirely, and Aasim could tell it scared Louis down to the bone. “You can’t be one hundred percent sure it’s sleep right? I mean, it’s just so fucking crazy.” Louis told them. “Yeah, it is fucking crazy but think about it. Everyone who went to sleep last night is now dead and the only people who stayed awake are still alive.” Brody told him firmly. “When my friend took a nap this morning she was dead within minutes.” She added, a tiny bit of sadness and pain in her voice. “So as crazy as this fucking thing sound, it seems to only be connected to sleep.”

Louis stepped away, fear and worry growing in his eyes. “I gotta call my mom. I gotta call my sister. They live in El Paso, I gotta make sure they’re ok.” He said as he pulled out his phone. “Take all the time you need Louis.” Aasim told him. “Just remember that with each passing minute we’re gonna get more and more tired. I’m gonna need the both of you to help me.” Brody told them both, crossing her arms over her chest. “Thanks, Brody, we got it.” Aasim said with a nod. “I’ll be inside in room 104.” Brody finished before walking into the hospital.

Once Brody was gone, Aasim looked back over at Louis. “Do you want a minute alone to call your family?” He asked sympathetically. “No it’s alright. I’m sure they're alright.” Louis told him as he shot a text to his mom and sister before putting his phone away. He looked over at the hospital as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Do you trust this girl?” Louis asked Aasim quietly. “Brody? I don’t know, I guess. I just met her last night, but I mean she seems trustworthy. She’s an ER nurse so she’s pretty intense. But I guess that’s a good thing considering the circumstances.” Aasim explained to him.

“You sure she’s a nurse?” Louis asked him in a whisper. “Well yeah, she works right here.” Aasim responded, looking back at him. “I don’t know, Sim. I know plenty of nurses. From Iraq, from the VA. She doesn’t act like any nurse I’ve met.” Louis told him, concern lacing his words. “Well sure, she might be a little odd but it’s probably because we’ve all had a lack of sleep.” Aasim said, crossing his arms. Louis snickered lightly, a small grin appearing on his lips. “That’s funny, Aasim considering you haven’t been able to sleep your whole life. Maybe that’ll help you now.”

...

Louis was right. As a kid, Aasim was constantly in and out of doctors’ offices. With every doctor, every scientist, every specialist, every psychologist, no one had an answer to Aasim’s condition.

Aasim sat in a waiting room with his parents one day. It was another day another doctor. After a few minutes of waiting a male doctor walked into the room. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Torres.” He greeted them, shaking their hands. “Hi Dr. White. Thank you for seeing us.” Aasim’s mother greeted him with a smile. “And this must be Aasim.” Dr. White smiled down at Aasim who was sitting in his chair with a toy dinosaur in his arms. Aasim shyly waved back at him. “Aasim, do you mind if I talk to your mommy and daddy alone for a bit?” He asked him in a soft tone. “Yeah.” Aasim said quietly with a nod.

“We’ll be right back, sweetie.” Aasim’s mother said as she followed her husband and Dr. White into the office. “So from the symptoms we’ve discussed, the weight gain, the fevers, the mood swings, these are all side effects from the sleep deprivation.” Dr. White told them. “Okay.” John mumbled quietly. “Aasim is suffering from extreme exhaustion. As a five year old boy, this could lead to developmental issues later on down the road.” Tracy started tearing up at this point. “I’m sorry.” She excused herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Dr. White offered her some tissues. She thanked him and took some.

Dr. White sat up in his chair and pulled out a pen to take some notes. “I’d like to ask you two a couple of questions to help clarify Aasim’s condition a little more.” He asked them. “Of course, go ahead.” John hummed, shifting a bit in his seat. “Alright, to start off, has Aasim had any recent problems in school?” Dr. White asked. “We took him out of school two months ago and started homeschooling him.” Tracy told him. He nodded and jotted that information down in his notes.

“How is Aasim’s life at home?” Dr. White asked, looking up at the both of them. John was a bit confused by that question. “What do you mean?” He asked. “Well, have there been any problems at home? Any marital issues?” Dr. White clarified. “W-Well I mean sure but who doesn’t? But we love each other and we have our trials and our frustrations.” John explained to him. “Have these frustrations ever been taken out on Aasim?” Dr. White asked them. The two of them were silent for a moment. “In what ways?” John asked the doctor. “In any way.” Dr. White said.

John put two and two together and started to get mad. “Are you asking me if I hit my son?” He asked, anger apparent in his voice. “John.” Tracy said quietly, her tone asking him to not make a scene. “Is that what you’re asking me?” John repeated. “You see Mr. and Mrs. Torres, your son is showing very obvious signs of post traumatic stress disorder.” Dr. White explained to them. “What is that?” Tracy asked. Aasim’s mom wasn’t a moron by any means. This was in the nineties before the war in Afghanistan and Iraq. Not a lot was known about PTSD.

“Post traumatic stress disorder occurs when someone experiences severe stress or anxiety after a traumatic event has occurred. We see it a lot in soldiers and veterans.” The doctor told them. John was getting more upset by this. “Yeah that’s great and all, doctor, but we’re not talking about a marine, we’re talking about my five year old son.” John snapped at him. “Well, when we see signs of ptsd in young children, it usually comes from physical or sexual abuse.” Dr. White told them.

John finally snapped at that. “That’s it, we’re leaving Tracy.” John said angrily as he stood up from his chair. “John please.” Tracy said as she stood up. “I’ve heard enough Trac, we’re out of here.” He growled before walking out into the waiting room. “Aasim, Come on, we’re gonna go find a newer better doctor.” John called. Aasim nodded and got up from his chair, taking his dad’s hand.

Tracy sighed quietly before grabbing her coat and purse. “I’m so sorry about all this, doctor.” She said quietly before walking out of the office and following her husband and son out of the building.

…

After Brody had prepped three cadavers for surgery, she set up a small recorder on a table nearby. Once she turned it on and started recording, she spoke out. “My name is Brody Russo. I’m a registered nurse at Santa Mero hospital. The time is 11:36 a.m. July 5th, 2019. Assisting me with the pathology report is Aasim, what’s your last name?” Brody looked over at Aasim who was standing not too far from her. “Torres.” Aasim answered her. “Aasim Torres and Louis..” Brody looked over him to answer. “Louis Leon.” He hummed. “And Louis Leon.” Brody finished.

“Today we are examining the cadavers of three individuals. Jon Bradly. 16 year old male. Checked into the hospital on the evening of July 4th, 2019 for third degree burns. Dwain Trent. 53 year old male. Checked into the hospital for severe heartburn. And..” Brody fell silent for a bit as she looked at the last body. She swallowed a large lump in her throat. “Rebecca Woods. 46 year old female. She was a nurse working at Santa Mero hospital. Time of death was between nine and Ten a.m.” Brody finished with a sigh before going over to her table of tools and picking up the electrical razor.

“We will begin with Mr. Bradly.” Brody hummed before flicking on the razor and started shaving off the boys hair. “I am shaving the hair off of Mr. Bradly’s head to make a clean incision around the head to get to the skull cap.” She documented as she shaved. Aasim and Louis watched as clumps of the boy’s brown hair fell to the ground. Once Brody had shaved off as much as she could with the electrical razor, she grabbed the regular razor and cleaned up the small patches she couldn’t shave off before.

“Okay, the head is shaved and secured, I will begin to make the incision. Pass the bone saw.” Brody said as she looked over at Aasim. He perked up at her words and immediately looked around her tool table. “This one?” He asked as he picked up one of the tools. “Yes, thank you.” Brody hummed before taking the saw. Flicking on the saw, Brody started slowly cutting just above the ear. But before she could move too far, a sudden burst of blood shot out from the cut, landing on Louis. He and Aasim both jumped and yelped at the sudden splash of blood. “What the fuck?!” Louis exclaimed in disgust as he looked at the blood covering his clothes.

“I must have hit a capillary above the ear.” Brody muttered as she kept on cutting. “Is it on my face?” Louis asked as he looked himself over. “You can go wash up in the sink.” Brody told him, not taking her eyes off the cadaver. “Fucking shit.” Louis snapped as he walked over to the sink to wash up. “It’s alright, it’s just a little blood.” Brody called over to him. “I didn’t see any splash on you!” Louis whipped around and snapped at her. “I’m a nurse, I get sprayed all the time.” Brody shrugged off his hostile tone as she kept working.

Once Louis was done cleaning himself, he walked over to Brody. “Do you even know what the hell you're doing?” He growled at her. “I’m not a pathologist. I’m just trying to determine the cause of death.” Brody responded, glaring daggers back at Louis. While the two of them were bickering, Aasim noticed something about the body. “Uh, guys?” He called to them, but they didn’t hear him. “What then? Are you gonna cure us?” Louis challenged. “Careful, you don’t want to tire yourself out, you might fall asleep.” Brody growled at him.

“Hey!” Aasim called louder, making Brody and Louis look over at him. “Is that normal?” He asked, pointing to the cadaver’s head. They all looked over, a small gasp left Brody. “Step back.” She whispered to Louis, who complied almost immediately. From the cut in the cadaver’s head, black smoke was rising into the air. “What the fuck?” Louis whispered as Brody approached the body’s head. “There appears to be some sort of black gas or smoke rising out of the incision I made in the cadaver’s head. I am going to continue with the removal process of the skull cap.” Brody documented as she started cutting more of the head.

The more Brody cut, the more smoke came out. It filled the room quickly, making them all cough and hack. “The smoke a-appears to be trapped inside the skull cavity. It is very thick and more is billowing out as I-I cut.” She explained as she worked. “It has the odor of burning.” She said softly. Eventually, she had made her way all the way around the head. Once she was finished, she flipped off the saw and set it down. “I am now removing the skull cap.” She said before slipping her fingers into the cuts and pulling away the cap.

Right as Brody did that, a large cloud of thick black smoke filled the entire room. Brody coughed hard as she was hit with the brunt of it. “The smoke is very thick. It’s obstructing my view of the brain. I am fanning it away to get a clear view.” She documented as she grabbed a magazine off a nearby counter and fanned away the smoke. Once everything was clear, she looked down at the cadaver’s brain. A small gasp left her and she dropped the magazine. “Oh my god.” She whispered in horror. “What the fuck?” Louis exclaimed, fear evident on his face. “What is that?” Aasim asked Brody, staring down at the cadaver’s brain. “I don’t know.” Brody whispered back.

…

Tracy was watching the news in her living room when she heard the land line phone ringing. Getting up from her chair, she walked over and picked it up. “Hello?” She hummed as she held the phone up to her ear. “Mrs. Torres?” A male’s voice asked on the other end. “Yes this is her, who’s calling?” She asked. “This is Dr. White. We met earlier today in my office.” The voice told her. Tracy swallowed a small lump in her throat. “Oh, Doctor, I would really like to apologize for the way my husband acted in your office today. We’ve been under a lot of stress lately.” Tracy told him softly, not wanting John to hear.

“I understand, Mrs. Torres. I can understand how this whole situation can be overwhelming for you both.” Dr. White told her sympathetically. “Trac, who’s on the phone?” Tracy heard John’s call from the kitchen. She had to make up an excuse. “Oh it’s just the office!” She called back before bringing the phone back to her ear. “I’m sorry doctor, but now isn’t a very appropriate time to call.” She whispered into the phone. “If I could just have a few moments of your time, I would really like to speak to you about Aasim.” The doctor pleaded with her. “Alright, go ahead.” She sighed as she leaned against the wall.

“How many doctors have you taken Aasim to?” Dr. white asked her. “Heh, name one.” Tracy said a little snarkily. “Dr. Jesup?” Dr. White asked. “The neuropsychologist? Seen him. And Dr. Brundle, and Dr. West, and Dr. Pretorius. We’ve seen them all and none of them could give us any answers.” Tracy explained to him with an exasperated sigh. “I figured as much.” He sighed quietly through the phone. “The problem is, with all the breakthroughs we’ve made with modern medicine, we still know very little about sleep.” He continued. “We know even less about dreaming. You’re being passed around from doctor to doctor because no one really knows how to help your son.”

Tracy gripped the phone tightly in her hand, her knuckles turning white. “So are you calling me to tell me there’s no help for Aasim? No hope?” She asked him, pain lacing her words. “No, no, not at all, Mrs. Torres. I have a son myself. And as a father, I feel for what you and your husband must be going through.” Dr. White explained to her. “We don’t need empathy, we need help.” Tracy told him firmly. “And I want to help you, really I do. I just want to ask if you and your husband would be open to trying more.. non traditional therapies?”

..

“No, absolutely not, no way in hell.” John argued with his wife as he cleaned dishes at the sink. “Why not?” Tracy protested, exasperation in her voice. “Because it’s fucking insane.” He shot back, looking over at her. “Dr. White thinks it’ll work.” Tracy told him. “That guy is a fucking nut job!” John exclaimed as he dried his hands. “Do we have any other choice?” Tracy exclaimed, moving over so she was standing in front of him. “We see another doctor.” John told her, moving away towards the stove. “We have seen every goddamn specialist on the west coast!” Tracy snapped at him. “Then we fly to the east coast, find better doctors there.” John huffed impatiently. “And what will hear there that’s any different from what we’ve already heard here huh?” Tracy asked him, putting her hands on her hips. “Tracy, you’re talking about a treatment that is not FDA approved! You really wanna take that risk with our son?!” John exclaimed at her. “The only risk is if we don’t try something new.” Tracy hissed defensively.

John sighed and leaned against the counter top. “What is this thing called again?” He asked while he worked on dinner. “Sensory processing therapy.” Tracy told her husband. “It’s an 18 month long process. He can have visitors after six months but for that first period, it has to be me.” She explained. “Where?” John asked, turning to face his wife. “Somewhere remote. A cabin in the woods up in Oregon or Montana. We’ll dip into our savings to rent someplace.” She sighed, crossing her arms.

“Those savings are for Aasim’s college tuition.” John protested. “Well, he’s not gonna go to college if we don’t do something.” Tracy snapped back. “It’s just so cruel, Trac! You want our boy to spend 18 months alone with no friends, no family, not even his dad?! Is that what you want?!” He exclaimed at her. Tracy got mad at this point and got in John’s face. “What I want is a night where I’m not woken up by my son screaming in terror.” She hissed as he turned away, leaning over the counter.

“What’s it gonna be tonight John? Is it the dream where mommy and daddy have glass in their eyes?” Tracy asked with a scowl. “Trac..” Her husband whispered. “What about the one where rats come and bite of his fingers and toes?” She kept asking him, getting closer. “Please..” John whispered again, a little louder this time. “How about the one where daddy chops mommy’s head off?!” Tracy yelled. “STOP!” John shouted back, his clenched fist slamming against the countertop.

Tracy fell silent for a moment when she heard her husband start to weep quietly. “What do you think happens to a boy who dreams like that every night? Does he become Einstein or Bill gates? No! He becomes that other type of man you see in the paper. The one in an orange jumpsuit and his neighbors say ‘Oh! He seemed so normal!’” Tracy told John as he cried quietly.

Suddenly they both heard the sound of the kitchen door opening and they both looked over. “Daddy?” Aasim’s small voice called as he poked his head into the room. “Hey buddy, how about you go back into the living room, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” John put on a fake smile as he wiped away his tears. “Okay.” Aasim mumbled before leaving the room. “It’s the only chance left, John.” Tracy whispered, looking back at her husband with sympathetic eyes. “Who’s gonna tell him?” He asked, meeting her gaze. “We both will.”

…

The hours ticked on as Aasim, Louis, and Brody looked at five more bodies. But it was always the same. On every cadaver’s brain was a small black triangle burned into the person’s frontal lobe. After checking out all the bodies, Aasim and Louis chatted quietly while Brody cleaned up. “It’s the government, that’s what I think.” Louis told Aasim as he leaned back in his chair. “When I was in Iraq, a friend of mine worked in this underground bunker. They were experimenting on monkeys.” He explained how his friend would see all these horribly deformed monkeys in cages, the terrible screaming they would make.

“Once, my friend saw this monkey with huge ass muscles, it looked like John Cena. They must have given it some kind of steroid trying to make it into some sort of super soldier.” Louis told Aasim. “I’m sorry, did you say a monkey that looks like John Cena?” Aasim started to snicker, a grin spreading across his lips. “I’m serious.” Louis told him, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. At this point, Aasim started full blown giggling. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m laughing.” He wheezed. “Maybe it’s because I’m so tired but that’s so fucking stupid.” Aasim cackled. “You wouldn’t be laughing if you were stuck in a cage with one of those fucking things.” Louis huffed, sitting up in his chair. Aasim eventually stopped laughing and wiped a tear from his eye.

“If this isn’t a government supervirus, what could it be?” Louis wondered out loud. “What else could burn a triangle into your brain?” The two of them then looked up when Brody walked over with a bottle of pills in her hands. “It’s time for a modafinil. These are each 600 milligrams. Split them in half.” She instructed as she handed a pill to Aasim to split with Louis. “And I don’t think the government is behind this.” Brody sighed as she took half a pill herself and closed the bottle. “They mess with other stuff like smallpox and influenza. That’s child’s play compared to this hell.” She sighed quietly as she put away the bottle.

Suddenly the sound of a ringtone filled the quiet room. It was Aasim’s phone. When he pulled it out of his pocket and saw the name, Aasim nearly dropped his phone. It was Mitch. He answered it almost immediately and held the phone up to his ear. “Mitch?” He asked. “Oh thank god, you’re okay.” Mitch’s relieved voice flooded his ear, making his heart beat wildly. “Don’t worry about me, what about you? Are you okay?” Aasim asked him urgently. “Yeah, I’m okay, I’m outside and where the fuck is everyone?” Mitch asked him, clear worry in his voice.

“I’ll explain later, can you get to the hospital?” Aasim asked him. “Yeah, yeah I can get there in a few minutes. I’m on the corner of main street and laurel.” Mitch explained, his breathing a little heavy. “What happened last night? I called you like twenty times.” Aasim asked him, he started pacing around the room at this point. “I was at Marlon’s party last night and I met this guy, Sean.” Mitch started to explain. “That fucking drug dealer?” Aasim asked, a small bit of anger in his voice. “He told me he was giving me ecstasy but I think it was speed because I’ve been tweaking out and completely wired for the past 15 hours.” Mitch explained.

“Look, we can talk more when you get here, how much longer will you be?” Aasim asked him, urgency and a little bit of impatience in his words. “I should be- oh wait! There’s a car coming! I’m waving them down.” A few seconds later, Aasim heard the sound of a car pulling up on the other side of the phone. “What kind of car is it?” Aasim asked him. “A white van, the windows are blacked out.” Mitch explained before Aasim heard the sound of a window rolling down. A familiar voice made Aasim’s blood run cold.

“Hey there. Where you headed?” An older man’s voice called from the car. The trespasser from the night before. “Santa Mero hospital. Can you drive me there?” Mitch asked the man. “Sure thing, hop on in.” The man responded. Aasim could just hear the man’s sinister grin. “Mitch, you have to get out of there.” Aasim told him through the phone. “What?” Mitch responded with confusion.

“RUN!”

Tags: @journalofthedead @maybemitch @the-walking-memelords

[ddudumemes]

K-12 SENTENCE STARTERS

(( collection of ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO sentence starters taken from MELANIE MARTINEZ’S second studio album ‘ K-12 ’ . ))

001. WHEELS  ON  THE  BUS  . ‘  it’s  cold  outside  .  ’ ‘  there  are  two  boys  yelling  behind  me  .  ’ ‘  i’m  terrified  .  ’ ‘  i’m  trying  to  ignore  it  .  ’ ‘  it’s  fucking  boring  .  ’ ‘  i’m  saying  nothing  .  ’ ‘  no  one’s  watching  us  .  ’ ‘  don’t  give  a  fuck  .  ’ ‘  puff  ,  puff  ,  and  pass  it  .  ’ ‘  don’t  be  a  dick  .  ’ ‘  i  hate  him  .  ’

002.  CLASS  FIGHT  . ‘  the  teacher  wasn’t  looking  .  ’ ‘  i  fell  in  love  with  him  ,  but  he  wasn’t  in  my  life  .  ’ ‘  mommy  ,  why  do  i  feel  sad  ??  ’ ‘  should  i  give  him  away  or  feel  this  bad  ??  ’ ‘  don’t  you  choke  .  ’ ‘  daddy  chimed  in  “  go  for  the  throat  .  ”  .  ’  ‘  go  for  the  throat  .  ’ ‘  her  face  was  fucked  up  .  ’ ‘  my  hands  were  bloody  .  ’ ‘  my  one  true  love  called  me  a  monster  .  ’

003.  THE  PRINCIPAL  . ‘  always  peeping  ,  fucking  creeping  .  ’ ‘  what  if  i  had  told  your  mother  her  son  was  a  cruel  motherfucker  ??  ’ ‘  it’s  not  just  me  ,  it’s  everybody  who  thinks  that  you’re  fucking  ugly  .  ’ ‘  forced  to  follow  the  leader  .  ’ ‘  i’ve  tried  to  make  you  listen  ,  but  you  won’t  ,  it’s  your  way  ,  right  ??  ’ ‘  shooting  at  the  angels  while  claiming  you’re  the  good  guy  .  ’ ‘  all  you  want  is  cash  and  hype  .  ’ ‘  fuck  our  dreams  .  ’ ‘  that’s  not  right  .  ’ ‘  oh  ,  where’s  the  principle  ??  ’ ‘  you’re  fixated  and  elated  .  ’ ‘  fuck  all  of  your  rules  and  guidelines  .  ’ ‘  can’t  you  see  that  we’re  all  hurting  ??  ’ ‘  excuse  me  ,  how  much  are  you  earning  ??  ’ ‘  you  don’t  know  the  pain  that  you  are  causing  .  ’ ‘  your  actions  hurt  .  so  do  your  words  .  ’ ‘  the  more  you  try  to  fuck  us  over  we  will  be  there  yelling  at  your  front  door  .  ’

004.  SHOW  &  TELL  . ‘  you  pull  me  by  my  hair  ,  so  i  don’t  go  nowhere  .  ’ ‘  tell  me  you  love  me  ,  but  you  treat  me  like  i’m  never  there  .  ’ ‘  you  say  the  cruelest  words  ,  and  yes  ,  they  break  my  heart  .  ’ ‘  i’m  over  here  working  my  ass  off  .  ’ ‘  why  is  it  so  hard  to  see  ,  if  cut  myself  i  would  bleed  ??  ’ ‘  i’m  just  like  you  ,  you’re  like  me  .  ’ ‘  imperfect  ,  and  human  ,  are  we  .  ’ ‘  i’m  on  display  for  all  you  fuckers  to  see  .  ’ ‘  buy  and  sell  me  ,  baby  .  ’ ‘  i’m  a  product  to  society  .  ’ ‘  art  don’t  sell  ,  unless  you’ve  fucked  every  authority  .  ’ ‘  you  beg  and  cry  for  more  ,  and  yet  i’m  on  the  floor  .  ’ ‘  there  are  strangers  taking  pictures  of  me  when  i  ask  “  no  more  !!  ”  .  ’ ‘  it’s  really  hard  for  me  to  say  just  how  i  feel  .  ’ ‘  i’m  scared  that  i’ll  get  thrown  away  .  ’ ‘  why  can’t  you  fucking  hear  me  ?!  ’ ‘  are  you  listening  yet  ??  ’   

005.  NURSE’S  OFFICE  . ‘  don’t  punch  me  .  ’ ‘  just  let  me  go  .  ’ ‘  i’m  coughing  ,  i’m  bleeding  .  ’ ‘  they  hate  me  .  ’ ‘  i’m  faking  all  of  this  so  they  take  me  home  .  ’ ‘  i’m  tired  of  wishing  i  was  ditching  .  ’ ‘  can  i  sit  right  there  ??  ’ ‘  this  bitch  behind  me  is  cutting  my  hair  .  ’ ‘  i  faked  up  a  seizure  and  left  then  and  there  .  ’ 

006.  DRAMA  CLUB  . ‘  everyone’s  so  soft  ,  everyone’s  so  sensitive  .  ’ ‘  do  i  offend  you  ??  you’re  hanging  on  my  sentences  .  ’ ‘  i’ma  take  a  bow  so  you  can  kiss  my  ass  .  ’ ‘  i  never  signed  up  for  your  drama  .  ’ ‘  they  try  to  feed  you  lines  that  you  have  to  memorize  .  ’ ‘  do  you  even  have  a  brain  ??  ’ ‘  you’re  faking  all  your  pain  .  ’ ‘  you’re  bleeding  on  a  stage  .  ’ ‘  i  don’t  wanna  be  an  actress  living  by  a  script  .  ’ ‘  i  don’t  give  a  shit  .  ’ ‘  you’re  over-analysing  every  word  i  say  .  ’ ‘  i  think  it’s  pretty  boring  .  ’ 

007.  STRAWBERRY  SHORTCAKE  . ‘  feeling  unsure  of  my  naked  body  .  ’ ‘  wondering  why  i  don’t  look  like  barbie  .  ’ ‘  they  say  boys  like  girls  with  a  tiny  waist  .  ’ ‘  my  mama’s  preaching  to  make  sure  i’m  pure  .  ’ ‘  i  never  really  cared  about  this  shit  before  .  ’ ‘  got  boys  acting  like  they  ain’t  seen  skin  before  .  ’ ‘  got  sent  home  to  change  because  my  skirt  is  too  short  .  ’ ‘  it’s  my  fault  .  ’ ‘  it’s  my  bad  ,  no  one  told  them  not  to  grab  .  ’ ‘  it’s  how  i  look  and  not  what  i  think  .  ’

008.  LUNCHBOX  FRIENDS  . ‘  hey  girl  ,  will  you  sit  with  me  ??  ’ ‘  we  can  be  friends  if  you  wanna  be  .  but  only  ‘til  the  clock  hits  three  .  ’ ‘  after  lunch  we  can  walk  to  class  .  ’ ‘  they  all  want  a  bite  of  me  .  ’ ‘  they  gossip  about  hoes  that  they  don’t  know  ...  they  talk  shit  though  .  ’ ‘  i  don’t  want  no  lunchbox  friends  .  ’ ‘  i  want  someone  who  understands  .  ’ ‘  come  to  my  house  ,  let’s  die  together  .  ’ ‘  friendship  that  will  last  forever  .  ’ ‘  people  have  high  expectations  of  me  .  ’ ‘  wanna  be  my  best  friend  ,  then  judge  me  if  i  smoke  a  little  weed  .  ’

009.  ORANGE  JUICE  . ‘  you’re  screaming  at  the  mirror  .  ’ ‘  fooling  those  around  of  your  bulimia  .  ’ ‘  you  turn  oranges  to  orange  juice  .  ’ ‘  your  body  is  imperfectly  perfect  .  ’ ‘  everyone  wants  what  the  other  one’s  working  .  ’ ‘  please  say  that  you  won’t  continue  .  ’ ‘  the  way  you  look  is  not  an  issue  .  ’ ‘  i  wish  i  could  give  you  my  set  of  eyes  .  ’ ‘  i  wish  i  could  tell  you  that  you’re  fine  ,  but  you  would  find  that  disconcerting  .  ’

010.  DETENTION  . ‘  i’m  not  a  bad  guy  .  ’ ‘  please  don’t  be  mad  if  i  don’t  smile  back  .  ’ ‘  if  i  fuck  up  my  words  ,  don’t  think  i’m  absurd  ,  alright  ??  ’ ‘  i’m  physically  exhausted  .  ’ ‘  you  write  me  up  and  say  it’s  love  .  ’ ‘  baby  ,  can  you  meet  me  tonight  ??  ’ ‘  i  can  feel  your  blood  pressure  rise  ,  fuck  this  tension  .  ’ ‘  let  me  crawl  into  your  mind  .  ’ ‘  pretending  everything’s  alright  is  detention  .  ’ ‘  the  teachers  don’t  care  about  me  .  ’ ‘  they  let  them  do  whatever  they  want  to  me  .  ’ ‘  i  wanna  go  home  .  ’

011.  TEACHER’S  PET  . ‘  caught  the  teacher  giving  his  eyes  to  a  student  .  ’ ‘  it’s  for  all  the  right  reasons  .  ’ ‘  don’t  call  me  crazy  .  ’ ‘  you  love  me  ,  but  you  won’t  come  save  me  .  ’ ‘  if  i’m  so  special  ,  why  am  i  secret  ??  ’ ‘  do  you  regret  the  things  we  shared  that  i’ll  never  forget  ??  ’ ‘  i  know  i’m  young  ,  but  my  mind  is  well  beyond  my  years  .  ’ ‘  fuck  you  ,  don’t  you  leave  me  here  !!  ’ ‘  you  liar  .  ’ ‘  you  don’t  own  me  ,  do  you  ??  i  bet  you  think  you  do  .  well  ,  you  don’t  .  ’

012.  HIGH  SCHOOL  SWEETHEARTS  . ‘  can  we  just  be  honest  ??  ’ ‘  these  are  the  requirements  if  you  think  you  can  be  my  one  and  only  true  love  .  ’ ‘  you  must  promise  to  love  me  .  ’ ‘  if  you  fuck  me  over  i  will  rip  your  fucking  face  apart  .  ’ ‘  you  must  accept  that  i’m  a  little  out  of  my  mind  .  ’ ‘  give  me  passion  .  ’ ‘  if  you  can’t  handle  a  heart  like  mine  ,  don’t  waste  your  time  with  me  .  ’ ‘  high  school  sweethearts  line  up  .  ’ ‘  you  can’t  be  scared  to  show  me  off  and  hold  my  hand  .  ’ ‘  if  you  can’t  put  in  work  i  don’t  know  what  you  think  this  fucking  is  .  ’ ‘  if  you  cheat  you  will  die  .  ’ ‘  could  you  hold  me  through  the  night  ??  ’ ‘  could  you  be  my  first  time  ??  ’ ‘  don’t  be  a  waste  of  my  time  .  ’

013.  RECESS  . ‘  i  was  too  young  to  see  the  truth  .  ’ ‘  too  naive  to  even  care  .  ’ ‘  people  gonna  say  “  if  you  need  a  break  someone’ll  take  your  place  ”  .  ’ ‘  people  gonna  try  to  tell  you  you’re  fine  ,  with  dollars  in  their  eyes  .  ’ ‘  don’t  let  them  fuck  you  ,  honey  .  ’ ‘  don’t  let  them  hurt  you  ,  baby  .  ’ ‘  i  should  be  happy  but  i  can’t  get  out  my  bed  .  ’ ‘  stressing  about  the  voices  screamin’  inside  my  head  .  ’ ‘  where  has  my  time  gone  ??  and  my  mind  gone  ??  ’ ‘  i  can’t  find  euphoria  .  ’

[mimymomo]

We We’re Inevitable PaulxEmma One-Shot

I posted this on AO3 and I’m really proud of it so I’m posting it here too. I really want to expand it as well so if anyone’s interested I will. In this story Paul and Emma get the happy ending they deserved. Plus there’s dogs!

“Well, goodbye Kelly! Good luck with the pot farm.” Emma, or should she say Kelly now, glances up to say thank you. A pot farm, far away from Hatchetfield, all she wanted not even a week ago. Now she didn’t know what to think. Sure, she’s happy that she didn’t die and turn into one of those fucking musical zombies, but she couldn’t help and think about all she lost. Sweet ole Bill and poor Charlotte, Professor Hidgens, hell even Nora, Zoey and the asshole creep Ted. And Paul…oh Paul. ‘You were supposed to make it back to me. We had that date to go on…and now what?’

“Thanks.” 

“Oh, and one more thing. You will be escorted to Colorado by a Mr. Ben Bridges. He’s waiting outside.” Emma shot the soldier a confused look, “oh, I don’t know any Ben Bridges.”

“Well according to our records, you two seem to be pretty good friends. Peep would like to see it become something more.” The soldier smiled, about-faced and marched out the hospital room, leaving Emma to herself. She looked around what had been her room for the past week, ‘well goodbye Clivesdale, goodbye Emma Perkins, goodbye life I never thought I’d miss.’ As she begun to pick up her few things, someone entered the room. ‘Must be the nurse here to check on me again.’ However, when she turned her head, she was greeted to a sight she never thought she’d see again.

“Oh my god, Paul?” he had his signature goofy, dazed look on his face that morphed into a large smile at the sound of his name. “You made it!” Emma cried reaching out to grab him and pulled him into a hug. She needed to feel him. She needed his touch. For a week she was forced to face the facts that Paul was dead and gone. But now he’s here in her arms, perfectly safe and alive. His skin was cold when she touched him, but Emma couldn’t bring herself to care, just wrapping her arms and tightly around his torso. “We made it!” They made it, they were getting out of it. It was almost too good to be true.

“Emma, I’m sorry. You lost.”

Emma felt her blood freeze over and her body stiffened. She pulled herself out slightly from Paul’s embrace. ‘Did he just?’ No, there’s no way, he was fine. He was just pranking her. She gave him a smile in disbelief. Why was he pulling something like this now?

“Paul?”

“Emma, I’m sorry. You lost your way.”

Emma’s smile vanished. This wasn’t a prank. She began to pull her hands away, “Paul you’re scaring me.”

Paul began to waltz her around the hospital room, singing along to a song she couldn’t hear. “I’m still the man you trust. It’s inevitable for us!”

Emma began to cry, “no! Get away from me! You’re not Paul, you’re one of them!” Paul, no – that thing inside Paul, wouldn’t let her go. Her leg was killing her from being paraded around the room. Soon more people entered the room – Professor Hidgens, the nurse who must’ve been turned in the last few minutes, Ted, Bill, Nora, some random guy in a suit. All singing and dancing, circling her in. Emma broke though the group and out the door, down the dark hallway only to be brought back right back to her room.

“It’s just a fucking loop! What the fuck!” she screamed, limping away from the multiple hands that clawed out to grab her.

Suddenly, her hospital room transformed, the walls in front of her and to her sides fell, revealing an audience staring and watching her. She was on a stage. Her bed and IV had disappeared and the infected people started to sing towards the crowd and not her. Emma saw this as her chance to get help, she called out to the audience and begged them to help her, call someone, throw her a phone, do something, anything! No one helped, they just sat there – some with wide eyes, shocked that she was speaking to them. Others just laughed at her, at her pain. Did they not realize she was about to die and turn into one of those things?

She felt herself get pulled away by what used to be Bill and Ted and pushed into the center stage.  Bill and Ted joined the other in kick line, singing some song similar to the one Professor Hidgens sang in his bunker a few days ago. Emma screamed as they drew closer. When she got to the edge of the stage, she tripped to the floor.

Paul yelled, “THE APOTHEOSIS IS UPON‑”

“US!” the rest of group finished, reaching out to nab Emma. Emma felt body go in slow motion as she yelled and extended her hand outward for someone to help.

Then everything went dark.

Suddenly, the lights came back on and the audience is cheering in a thunderous applause. The infected people start linking hands and bowing. Emma takes this time to try calling for help once more. Nothing changes. This time everyone is laughing, pointing at her.

“WHY ARE YOU CLAPPING?”

More laughing ensues. Then she’s being dragged away again, this time towards backstage. She had no escape. She just kept screaming and screaming, her growing hoarse. ‘This is it,’ she thought despondent. ‘This is where I die, in Clivesdale at the hands of people I once considered friends and something more. Haha…’ The last thing Emma remembers before entering the dark is the lyrics to the song Paul was just singing; ‘It was inevitable.’

“- Perkins! Ms. Perkins! Emma Perkins wake up!”

Emma flashes open her eyes and jolts upwards to the sound of her name belling yelled. She can’t breathe, the world is spinning, and everything was blurry. She could see the outlines of two people staring at her, but she can’t fully register who they are. She can feel someone touching her but that just sends her into a further frenzy. “Get away from me! Don’t touch me!”

“Ms. Perkins please calm down! I’m nurse Joy Drewman. We’re just here to check on you,” the lady with long brown hair wearing all white exclaims soothingly. “It’s okay, you’re okay now.”

After a minute of heavy breathing, Emma felt herself simmer down. She looked around the room, she was in a hospital. She was wearing a hospital gown, IV taped to her arm and a bracelet with her medical information tightly wrapped around her wrist. To her left was a light cream wall with swirling patterns on it and an ugly painting hanging up. To her right was the door. Nurse Joy was checking her vitals and behind her, the soldier lady from her dream stood near the door. ‘God,’ Emma thought, ‘I feel like shit! And my leg is on fire.'

After the nurse finished checking on Emma, she left leaving the other two alone in the room. The soldier cleared her throat to gather Emma’s attention, “Emma Perkins, I’m Lieutenant Parks from United States Military, special unit PE IP. PEEP for short.” PE IP? Peep? “So Ms. Perkins, do you remember anything that has happened over this past week?”

Emma couldn’t NOT remember. The singing, and dancing, all the deaths… But what about Paul and all the infected people that were just in here? Why wasn’t she dead right now? “The meteor, and everyone was singing…”

“Yes, that’s right,” Lt. Parks nods. “A meteor touched down in Hatchetfield a little more than a week ago, spreading an infection killing nearly everyone on the town. We found you near the crash site of our military helicopter. You had had a long thin metal pipe bent through your leg as well as a few broken ribs and plenty of blood loss. You were barely conscious when we picked you up. You’re in Clivesdale General Hospital now, and you just had surgery for your leg. This is the first conversation I’ve been able to have with you fully attentive. You were having a pretty severe nightmare, weren’t you Ms. Perkins?”

'Nightmare? That’s what that was, just a dream?'

Emma shook her head in shock. Helicopter crash…Clivesdale hospital…surgery? So, all thought that really did happen, she could hardly remember any of that. “So, the meteor?”

“Was destroyed along with the Starlight Theatre. Hatchetfield has completely been sealed off from the rest of the mainland as well as any means of transportation to get there. We blew up the Nantucket Bridge. It was pretty damn awesome. We believe the meteor was what was controlling the infected people. The hive mind, you could call it. Once it was destroyed, the people infected all seemed to drop dead.”

Emma wished those words didn’t bring her comfort, that she was horrified at the realization that so many people in her old hometown were dead. But after all that happened back in Hatchetfield, in that…dream? She just couldn’t help herself. Yet Emma still was pensive around the lieutenant, could she trust this lady in front of her? “Lieutenant Parks,” Emma cut in, “was there, um, are there any survivors?” Emma knew she should keep her hopes down, but she couldn’t help but ask anyways. But now, what did she even want the answer to be?

“That’s what I’ve come in here to tell you. When we picked you up there was a certain name you were continuously mumbling; a Mr. Paul Matthews.” Emma whips her head up, “Paul?”

“Yes, Mr. Matthews. I’m pleased to tell you that we did in fact find him.” Emma stops breathing and locked eyes with the Lieutenant, “Paul is…alive?”

Lt. Parks smiles, “we found him buried under the rubble in the remains of the old theatre. He was badly beaten and barely hanging on but, yes, he was and still is alive. He’s was just taken out of the Intensive Care Unit and placed in the general ward.” Emma felt relief course through her body. Tears sprang into her eyes and she began to shake in her bed. “Oh thank God!” she cried, “oh Paul!”

“He’s been asking about you ever since he woke up. I was coming to see if you were up for little a little trip to visit him in his room?” Emma shook her head violently, ignoring her newly developing headache. It was a no brainer, she had to go to him. See him with her own eyes.

“Okay then,” Lt. Parks said. “I’ll call a nurse to bring you a wheelchair.” She leaves the room and Emma is by herself. ‘Shit, it really was a dream,' she thought, her head in a fog. 'We really did make it. Paul’s okay. He’s okay…’

Around ten minutes later, nurse Joy and Lt. Parks re-enter with a wheelchair. The two help Emma off her bed and into the chair, then they’re off. Once out the door, Emma makes a mental map of the trip to Paul’s room. ‘Out the door, make a left, go all the way down the hall to the elevator. Go three floors up then take a right and down the hallway.’ They keep going down the seemingly never-ending hallway until they reach room #511. When they got the door, Emma felt the restlessness return as she squirmed in her chair. She didn’t know what to expect when the door opened, she just wanted to see him. Lt. Parks swings open the door and Emma held her breath as she gets pushed into the room. Paul was sleeping soundly. His eyes were gently closed, and the bed sheet placed over his body rose and fell with his chest after each breath he took.

“Oh God…” Emma whispers bringing her hands up and over her mouth. He was covered in burns, the right of his face, his hands up to forearms. Everything was either covered in a bandage or a cast. And on closer inspection, Emma notices that the sheet was oddly flat where part of Paul’s left leg should’ve been. Emma turns to Lt. Parks, the older troop seemed to understand what Emma wanted to ask without her having to ask. “When we found him, the bottom half of his left leg had been trapped under a large pile of concrete and wooden beams. We had no way of moving the rubble and the leg was too badly damaged to be repaired so we had to make the call to…” She pauses and looked down at Emma’s face. The brunette was in distress but in her eyes the Lieutenant could tell she wanted her to continue. So, she did. “We had to have an emergency amputation.”

“Amputation?”

“We removed his leg, up to his knee, in order to transport him.”

“Fucking hell…” Emma mutters in exasperation. Paul, her Paul. He was here, right in front of her – broken, burned and missing half of his leg. ‘What the hell did I make him do?’

At that moment, Paul begun to stir, slowly peeling open his eye with a few blinks. “Ughh…”

“Paul?” Emma reaches out her arm to grab Paul’s hand, lacing their bandaged fingers together. “Paul can you hear me?”

Paul moans and turns his head in Emma’s direction. “Emma?” Emma began to sob, “oh Paul! Paul you’re okay!” She kisses the back of his burned, shriveled hand before placing her forehead down upon it. “Emma? You’re here?” Emma sobs even harder, his voice was groggy and strained but not one musical note could be heard.

He was really here and truly okay.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Lt. Parks booms from behind, backing out the door and closing it behind her.

“Fuck Paul, I thought you had died.” Paul just smiles and wipes away some of her stray tears with his fingers. “It was going to take a lot more to stop me from dying and leaving you alone.”

Emma giggles, her sobs slow into a trickle, “apparently you dumbass.” Paul gave her another grin then groans. Emma panics when Paul starts to glance downwards at his body. “Shit, I got pretty messed up, didn’t I?”

Emma couldn’t look at him anymore. “This was my fault.”

Paul turns back to look at her. “Emma you can’t mean that?”

“Paul you wouldn’t have to that meteor if I hadn’t asked you to. Hell, I wouldn’t have even had to ask you if I hadn’t fucked up my leg from not wearing my damn seatbelt on that helicopter. Now look at you!” she holds out her unoccupied hand and waves it up and down over Paul’s body. The tears had returned in full force. “You’re in a hospital missing part of your fucking leg because of me!”

“No Emma,” Paul exclaims, “if it wasn’t for you, and your idea to go back and blow up that meteor we’d all be dead. Every single last one of us.” He grabs both of her hands and gives them a comforting squeeze. “You saved me, you saved all of us. Besides, what’s half a leg when the alternative is becoming a mindless singing alien?”

Emma gave him a small smile through the tears, “of course you try pass the glory off to someone else.” After a few minutes her tears whittle down to a few streaks and her breathing returns to what could be consider normal. They sat, or Paul’s case, laid there not saying a word. Hand in hand, enjoying the others presence. They basked in the sun blazing through the window and the quiet, which in the past week, they’d come to really appreciate it.

Not even five minutes later, Lt. Parks and another nurse enter Paul’s room and tell her that she had to return to her room. Emma immediately tenses at the idea of leaving him again, but they quickly inform her that she would be allowed to come and see him again tomorrow. Paul gives her one last squeeze then they separate. They smile at each other as she is exited out the door.

After that, for the following two weeks this becomes their routine – Emma would be wheeled into Paul’s room and would spend as much time as they could together, just talking, telling stories, good and bad, comforting each other. Then at the end of the day, Emma would be rolled back to her room, only to repeat this process the next day and the days after that.

When Emma was set to be discharged early the next week, stitches removed and now able to walk on her own, she pleaded with Lt. Parks to let her stay with Paul until he was discharged as well. She couldn’t leave without him, not again. And a few days later, with some favors being done by Peep, Emma was given special privilege to stay with Paul in his room. They even brought in a spare cot for Emma to sleep on, which she later moved into the narrow spot in between Paul’s bed and the window. Lt. Parks said it was because there were still some more things that needed to be done dealing with their relocation, but Emma could tell she was lying.

Soon Paul began physical therapy, three times a week, to help with his limited mobility. Emma could tell he hated going but he never outwardly complains once. Emma knew it was because he didn’t want to upset her. She hated that he put on a brave face to soothe her, not once thinking about himself. On days after a particularly difficult session, Emma would sit with him on his bed and hold him close to her body. She ran her fingers up and down in circles on his back and would whisper just how proud she was of him in his ear.

Their first date wasn’t a silent movie at some indie theater like they planned, no – it was some Hallmark tv movie marathon in Paul’s hospital room surrounded by candies and snacks from the vending machine and hospital cafetorium. Plus, some food Emma snuck in from a McDonald’s down the street. They two feasts on junk food while curled up together on Paul’s bed, making fun each movie’s overall cheesiness and predictable plot. When nurse Joy comes by to check on the two, she is greeted to two fast asleep thirty-year old’s, candy wrappers and McDonald’s boxes strewn about the bed. The position the two are in is too cute, she doesn’t even dare wake them up. She just turns off the lights and closes the door – the only lights now come from the tv screen and the buildings, cars and sky above that shine in from the window. She can scold them over the outside food tomorrow.

Some days are easier than others. On one of those REALLY bad days, Emma can’t seem bring herself to move out of bed. She just stares blankly out the wide window, she hates these days. The days where she can’t help but think back and replay the incidents of Hatchetfield over and over in her head. Think back to all that happened to her new friends, what had happened to her sister. Wonder why she is still alive when so many others deserve it so much more than her? Wonder why she kept even trying to live on in the first place…

Emma hears the door to her and Paul’s room creak open and begins to turn around. She expects to see Paul being rolled into the room per usual. What she doesn’t expect is to see Paul standing up in the doorway, slowly making his way over to the bed on foot, by himself, a wide smile on his face. Nor does she expect the prosthetic leg attached to his left knee. Sure, he’s using crutches and his steps are awkward and stilted, and yes there’s nurses standing only inches away to catch him in case he falls, but that didn’t matter to Emma. He was walking again.

“Surprised?” Paul asks. Emma is stunned speechless. He continues on, “they’ve been letting me practice walking with a prosthesis during P.T. They think I’m ready to get fitted for my own leg now. I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?”

‘This is why,’ Emma thinks to herself, getting up from her bed and walking over to Paul. ‘He’s why.’

They share their first kiss in room #511 that day.

A few days before Paul is discharged, Lt. Parks comes back and gives them their new identities. “Here are you new passports, ID’s and everything you need detailing your new lives.” ‘Emilia Bradshaw…well hey it’s better than fucking Kelly that’s for sure.’

“Parker Murphy huh?” Paul says, eyes glued to the stacks of paper in front of them.

“You look like a Parker,” Emma jokes, ruffling Paul’s brown hair that was in major need of a haircut. Hell, both of their hair was in desperate need of some good old TLC.

Paul cracks a smile and looks up at her, “and you totally look like an Emilia.”

They are being sent to a plot of land in Colorado. ‘Colorado? Why does feel familiar?’ Emma stiffens the tiniest amount and scoots closer to Paul, nearly sitting in his lap. Without thinking about it, he immediately brings one of his arms up and wraps it around her body. He used to these moments of jumpiness, they both get them. Without Emma noticing, Lt. Parks had been talking about their living situation. ‘God, I hope Paul has been paying attention.’

“- nearly three acres of well treated land and house is brand new and completely furnished. And yes, it’s paid off. It’s quiet, private and best of all, only around thirty minutes away from the nearest heavily populated city so you don’t feel like you’re too far in the middle of nowhere. It’s a great place…” Emma held her breath, “…to start a family.”

Emma exhaled at the words, then after fully realizing what Parks was insinuating felt her face grow exponentially hotter. She looked up at Paul, only to see that his face and neck had gotten even redder than hers. They briefly lock eyes, quickly turning away. “Well I think that’s everything. I’ll see you two in a few days to take you to Colorado.” Then Lt. Parks takes her leave.

“Hey Emma,”

“What’s up?” she still couldn’t look at him in the face.

“Have you noticed that even with the new names, our nicknames could still be Emma and Paul?”

“What, seriously?” she asks finally turning back to Paul to see him nod his head up and down. “Emilia would be Em for short but if you add the ‘a’ from the end, it could be turned into Emma.”

“Shit you’re right.”

“Parker is a bit of a stretch, but I guess it’s kinda hard to find another ‘pau-’ names. So, I think it’s close enough to prove my point. Do you think they did that on purpose?”

“Oh definitely,” Emma concludes, looking over the documents again. They’re actually leaving, like for real now. They’re going to start their new lives together. Emma sees Paul fiddling with a few sheets of paper, trying his hardest to remember their travel itinerary. ‘Start a family huh?’ Even at a young age, Emma was turned off to the idea of settling down with a husband or wife and having children. ‘There’s too much out there to see and explore. There’s no time to settle down,’ is what she always said to her sister whenever she asked. But now, after everything that’s happened to her, settling down with Paul didn’t sound too fucking bad at all.

Colorado was pretty, well at least the land where her and Paul’s new house was at was. Acres of fenced off grassy hills, colorful trees and the view of distant mountain tops in the front and dense forestry surrounded their house in the back, plus there was a pool. A freaking pool! The actual house wasn’t too shabby either. In fact, it was pretty damn beautiful. When Lt. Parks said brand new, she wasn’t kidding. The house was huge – three stories tall to be exact, with 5 rooms and three and a half bathrooms. The kitchen was decked with the nicest stainless-steel appliances Emma had ever seen. Two ovens, a flat top stove and a long granite island in the middle. Emma had discovered her genuine love of baking during her time at Beanie’s, so she looked forward to spending quite a bit of time in there. The living room was big as well, with a leather couch, La-Z-Boy recliners, stone fireplace, and a 75-inch flat screen with both Netflix and Hulu on it. If Emma thought she was going to pass out in the kitchen, the revelation of tv wasn’t helping.

“Holy shit Paul, I’m never leaving!” Paul just laughs at how excited she was getting after exploring each new room. In all honesty, he was feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the excessiveness of the house but seeing Emma’s giddy reactions helped ease that tension.

The master bedroom was the cherry on top of Emma’s perfect sundae. Inside was a king-sized bed, dressers plus a walk-in closet, and a window which opened to reveal a balcony. Then there was the master bathroom that had two vanity sinks, a toilet and not only a walk-in shower but an old-fashioned bathtub as well.

“Oh God I need to lie down,” Emma muttered staggering towards the bed planting herself faced down on top of the comforter. “I’m dreaming, this must be a dream!” her words come out muffled from her head being buried.

Paul chuckles joining her on the bed, facing upwards though. “Not a dream Emma. This is really your house now.”

“Now, if only a puppy appeared, then it would be absolutely perfect!”

“With the size of this place we could probably get like six dogs…” Paul exhales. Emma turns to face Paul in brand new vigor, “so we can get six puppies?”

“We’re not getting six dogs Emma.”

She puts on the cutest pout Paul has ever seen, “but we are going to get A dog, right? Or two?”

“I can definitely agree to that,” Paul chuckles. Emma leans over and plants a sweet kiss on his lips which he quickly deepens. His lips are slightly chapped against hers which are freshly coated in cheap convenient store chapstick – it’s perfect and warm.

“We should go right now,” Emma speaks, fire in her eyes. Paul just looks at her, flabbergasted by her enthusiasm. “We just took a long flight to Colorado and finished moving in all of our stuff and you want to go out and buy a dog right now?”

“Yes!”

Paul rolls his eyes then closes them, “give me an hour to nap and I’ll be ready okay?”

Emma gives him an exaggerated groan in response but still snuggles in close to him, closing her eyes as well. “Fine, but in an hour we’re leaving.”

Paul kisses her forehead, “okay Emma.” They’re both out in a matter of minutes, the only sounds in the room is the two’s peaceful snores in harmony with the other.

Five hours later they two are leaving the pet store with bags of dry food, canned food, treats and every other dog accessory known to man. A small dog in both of their laps: a tiny black and brown chihuahua-yorkie mix named Socks in Emma’s and an adorably scruffy three-legged golden poodle terrier mix named Bee in Paul’s.

For now, their family was complete. And Paul and Emma couldn’t have been happier.

[ardentlythieving]

Heyyyy everybody welcome back to the rambling with Ardent show coz yet again I’ve been having thoughts and typing them out helps me process them so here they are. As always if u rebagel i kill you but like,,,, not today or tomorrow just one day...... ummm putting this one under a cut and like tw: abuse coz im gonna be talking quite heavily about that hhhhh.

Hi, I’m Ardent and I’m an introvert. “But Ardent you act like the LEAST introverted person I know”. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buckle up peeps coz all will be explained... eventually. This one is gonna be a long one.

Ok so I’m not 100% on where to take this one so it might be kinda messy, but y’all can just deal yea coz that’s what my brain is like All The Time. Anyways. I guess it started when I was REALLY young. Not the abuse itself, that’ll tie in later but. Fun Ardent Fax number 67: I was homeschooled until I was about 9. And here’s a free secret from me: homeschooling + adhd = a 9y/o who doesn’t reallly know how to relate to other ppl. Hella shy, hella nervous, bad at making friends. Got bullied quite a bit, it was whatever. Safe to say I was a pretty Lonely Kid. This isn’t part of the abuse, but it did set me up for it I guess. Like, it made me vulnerable in a specific way that someone could, and did, exploit.

When I was 12 was when I met her. She has quite a unique name and despite what she did to me I don’t wanna doxx her so imma call her NJB for nutjob bitch because I can be nasty if I want to and right now I want to. Shut up, this is my post not urs. Anyways, we were in the same class, we were both cut off from any other friends we had at that point due to them being in different classes and we kinda.. fell in together. Around this point was also when my mom got diagnosed with cancer, which will become relevant later. Back to the story. So for about a year, maybe a little longer everything was great. We got really close really quickly. She was probably my first Real Best Friend since I started school. Now the year before I HAD made some friends, but like I said, they all got put in other classes. And I was so friggin scared of going back to being that lonely that I got real close to her real fast. 

Then we started high school/college/whatever you wanna call it. And that was the point where things got.... weird. NJB started lying. About a ton of shit. And it was stuff that I KNEW was bullshit, but if I didn’t take her seriously enough she got pissy at me. And then like a week later wow, lie no longer relevant, wonder why that is??? Lmao. Now at this point there were other people in our group of friends. Who had all joined the group through NJB. This should’ve been a MASSIVE red flag, but I was like 13 or 14, so I didn’t pick up on it. Basically anyone else I wanted to hang out with, she wasn’t interested in getting to know. And if I hung out with other ppl and tried to become friends with them she started getting very pissy about that. And like... she was my Best Friend and these were people with Friend Potential and I didn’t wanna be lonely again so it was really no contest. 

And at this point she got bored of general lies and started lying about ME. Everything would be fine for a while and then she’d be like “why did you do/say this?” And it was something that NEVER happened. And sometimes she wouldn’t even explicitly say what I supposedly did, she’d just tell me that “I know what I did” (no i dont coz it never happened) and then she’d call me an ugly bitch or whatever. I could apologise or I could try and remind her that it never happened or I could just say nothing and take it and it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t talk to me, she’d stop our other friends from talking to me, and I would just be isolated for a while. A couple of times she threatened to beat me up, although she never actually did. 

And then she’d be all “I forgive you” or she wouldn’t even do that she’d just act like it never happened and was all ready to be friends again and I didn’t HAVE anyone else and I hated hated hated being so LONELY and would’ve done anything to stop. And I think there was also a bit of me that was scared of what she would do if I said no. So I’d go back to being her friend and everything would be great and fun and wonderful for a while and then it would happen again. And again. And again. For about a year.

Then my mom died. And I took a month off school. And two weeks after I got back, she did it again. Yeah. My mom had been dead 6 weeks and she decided this was the perfect time to make up lies about the depressed girl. I lost it. I literally threw myself at her. I got pulled off her and just kept trying to kick her, but I couldn’t and I was sent out of class. Didn’t get in trouble for it, but I got to spend that class sitting in the library reading and it was the only class I had with her so... probably for the best lmao. And on the very last day of school for the year she came up to me and acted like nothing had happened and I was so relieved to not have to be alone anymore and that she’d forgiven me for attacking her that I just.... went along with it. For another year or two. And then I finally had other friends and one day she started one of those lies that weren’t about me, but I was supposed to be ultra sympathetic to and I just. Walked away. 

And then the abuse itself was over, but the trauma was still there. And I repressed it so fuckin deep I only really remembered this shit all happened about a month ago. I got scared right, like deep down all the way inside me, of being that dependent on one person ever again that I would let them treat me like that because being alone was worse. And that was the point when I became an extrovert. I forced myself into that role of talking to as many disconnected people as possible and having as many different groups as possible because it was the only way I felt safe. Because she didn’t start that shit until at least a year into our friendship, so how tf was I supposed to believe that the new people in my life would 100% never hurt me like that? I still don’t know how. So I coped the only way I could: by making sure that even if someone DID pull that shit and cut me off from a group of friends I had other options. 

It also meant I have... issues dealing with loss. Because I DID have one other friend for the first year that was going on. And then she moved to Australia and I was totally alone. So I guess I started associating losing friends with becoming dependent on one person again, which ironically enough made me more and more dependent on anyone I thought I was losing. That’s one I’m working through. Now that I’ve realized it’s what’s going on I can actually start addressing it and tbh I feel so much better now I am. Still don’t know how to deal with the whole “im forcing myself to act like an extrovert even when it exhausts me coz it’s the only way i feel safe”, but it’s whatever. I’m on meds now and I have a good support network and I’ve started therapy. One day I’ll figure it out. I’ve been living like this for this long, I can keep it up until I reach somewhere better.

And I guess that’s my sign off reminder. Whatever you’re going through, you’ve survived it this long. You can keep surviving until you reach somewhere better. One day we’ll all get to be a person we’re happy with, we just gotta hold on and work to it together. Ardently, signing out.

[dungeonsdragonsdemonsdaggers]

Save The Gnomes PART 1

A record of our very first adventure! 

Important things to note: there are 6 people total, 5 of us have never played D&D before and those same 5 are girls. Our Dungeon Master is the only male of the group and the only one who really knows how to play. It might seem that these details are unimportant- WRONG. This dynamic made this game SO MUCH FUN and you will see why😎

The Very Brave, Very Inexperienced, Very Excited Adventurers:

Aravae: Half-Elf, Bard (Her flaw is that she can't resist a pretty face😂, she sings a lot)

Fizzy: Rock Gnome, Rogue (Very independent, so independent we lost her in the beginning of the campaign)

Norda: Gnome, Ranger (Most likely to succeed, likes buying weapons)

Quelenna Naïlo: Moon Elf, Druid (Serene in all circumstances, even when the person playing her is definitely not, hates being stabbed)

Torgga of Battlehammer: Dwarf, Fighter (Drinks a lot, enjoys starting fights and occasionally misses sessions)

SESSION 1

Somehow we all end up in Stevo's Tavern; Stevo is a nice dude, knows a lot about the surrounding areas- because people go to the Tavern a lot (obvi). People are coming in & out; 3 halflings, some miners, twins named Tor'Vopp & Elsha, etc. I did not catch that the two twins had names and that they were in fact twins in this session. In fact, only one of us did and I'm pretty sure it was Norda... Anyways. We are all awkwardly trying to get to know each other's characters and establish relationships of trust. I'm (Lenna) having a hard time doing it because for me- my mentor told me not to trust gnomes, I didn't think my Elf would like the Half-Elf and that's almost the whole crew. So I'm trying to find reasons to trust them.

Long story short:

Three Duergar walk in, Torgga is drunk as and decides to, ya know, punch a dude in the face.

While she was doing that the Bard was singing to make money, I was trying to befriend the Bard, the Gnomes were talking to people in the bar, etc.

Fighting breaks out and we all decide to help this crazy dwarf lady~! She's getting her but kicked and I'm an elf so I'm using magic to fight these ugly things AND I GET STABBED 👿 (I was so upset with the DM because I thought he was gonna kill me before we even had an adventure😂)

We scare them off, we rest to heal, and the session ends

SESSION 2

Lenna backstory: a holy oak tree (it's bonzai size) was stolen from my forest and I must get it back to restore sacred balance~ Norda backstory: She found a demon, I think, in the forest- killed it and has a strange collar and bag. Aravae backstory: Her grandmother has sent her a wand of great importance, but it was stolen and she is trying to find it.

The adventure picks up right after the bar fight. The group meets up outside of the tavern to discuss joining up to meet their individual goals.

We feel bad for Stevo and his inn (we caused a lot of damage...) So we talk to him and give him some money

A distressed gnome comes running through the door and goes straight to Norda. Her daughter's gone missing in some dark place under the library in the nearby Gnome village. We're pretty much BFFs now so we ALL go with Norda to save this girl (her name is Weebee).

Lo and behold! Tor'Vopp is in the library, arguing with Weebee's dad about how it isn't possible for her to be lost. Tor'Vopp is good looking ish so we've lost Ara😂 But we bully him into letting us go and look for the girl WITHOUT HIS HELP

We follow a trail of blue pebbles Weebee has left behind, and we are in a dark humongous old underground Elvish-type place. Hallways, rooms, stuff everywhere. WE RUN INTO QUASITS; Demons. We capture one and Ara puts him to sleep with a spell. Session ends.

SESSION 3

Quasit wakes up and tries to escape, we capture it again and Torgga slams him in the head with a hammer.

We continue looking for the little gnome girl and we find her! She had run out of pebbles and hid herself with a little bit of her own magic. Aravae, using her charisma, convinces Weebee to show her self and trust us.

I’m pretty sure at this point some of us were desperate to get out, and some of us were eager to explore~ I myself was really wanting to get out real quick and in the end that’s what we decided to do.

Fizzy elects to stay behind and we leave her~ that’s the last time we saw her. We assume she went on her own quest to the underdark.

We run into a Quasit being eaten by a Darkmantle, and find that our exit is being blocked by a bunch of Kobolds. We make a quick escape plan using prestidigitation to make some fake gold and some lucky rolls of the dice. It works and we book it out of there with Weebee on my back!

Kobolds notice the gold was a lie and are super angry! But we made it out anyways~ heehee

We interrogate the Quasit, not believing it when it tells them “the cage won’t let me tell the truth”, Ara speaks to it in Abyssal which helps a lot. It’s name is Scratchscab.  We learn that “Keevop” puts collars on Quasits after his sister pulls them into this realm.  They are happy when they arrive because they think they can wreak havoc and have evil fun, but they are unable to move, get a collar put on them that somehow does stuff to them through the use of what Scratchscab calls “a fat twig” (we think for sure it’s Ara’s missing wand).

The Quasit gives us directions to a secret place and we all head there; his directions are crazy and freaky btw.

We find a defiled, ashen, dying patch of land 50 feet wide. We spend an hour digging and it’s Torgga who, digging into the gross, ichor-riddled ground, finds the holy oak bonsai; my beloved holy oak! It’s obviously in awful condition and I’m freaking out so I take it and immediately start to head home. Well, when I’m quite a ways away, the ground starts shifting and wails and moans come from out of the ground; 6 ghouls begin clawing their way out of the earth!

The other adventurers are fighting for their lives and I’m trying to decide if I should run back and help them, or get this dying holy relic home. I choose my new friends and start running back. Good thing too, because my peeps weren’t doing so well. I thorn-whip some in the face and kill three of them eventually. I also got to use my entangle spell which sort of helped. Norda ends of finishing off the rest of them and we all come out mostly unharmed. Go Team!

SESSION 4

I gift a lucky leaf to each of my friends and really head for home. The rest of the adventurers go their own way and we decide to meet tomorrow at noon.

My druid master passes away, having his life extended plenty already by the holy oak bonsai; it’s quite the beautiful passing (flowers and new life and everything).

That night, Ara, who is starting to fancy the name “The Bard”, works it out with the tavern owner to also let her friends room for free.  Her performance is entertaining enough that the owner doesn’t regret his decision.

After meeting up, we go to Cappo’s and Sippo’s, then to Dr. Mimmble, the apothecary. We learn that Weebee wants to sneak off and recollect her pebbles, but Ara convinces her not to, letting her know that they’ll go ahead and do just that for her. We also learn how exactly Weebee found the secret door.

At Dr. Mimmble’s, they learn that the contents of the unlabeled bottles were liver reinforcement pills.  A few individuals in town are taking them.  Also, that many bottles of placebo pills were purchased a couple months ago by Elsha, co-advisor to the mayor, who told Dr. Mimmbles it was for a long, ongoing science experiment.

We’re super suspicious now and decide to sneak into the Mayor’s house.  Many nooks and crannies, little homes and tunnels and pathways and bridges for animals line the walls and ceiling. They discover a fat cute bunny and an animal tunnel connecting two rooms. Norda, I think, talks to it and it helps lead us around, but also turns over on its belly when we ask “where’s pidgey?”

We also found: A full and half-full bottle of liver reinforcement pills, a pile of clothes in the middle of the mayors bed, covered by a blanket, a giant gnomish typesetting machine, a hidden passageway behind a tapestry, the passageway was rough-hewn and dirty and somewhat dusty with rock dust, a simple rug and a doorway at the end of the passageway, which is where they now stand.