#We will get back to our regularly scheduled content soon trust

[themintman]

Some Dan and Trayaurus doodles caUSE ITS DANS BIRTHDAY!!!! WOOOO 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[kayluh1915]

psssst, disclaimer…

@swiftllama: *texts me with no context* EVERY BTS THEY GET GAYER AND GAYER

Me after watching said BTS:

It's Ianthony moment breakdown time, BBY!

I know I've been gone for a while but I've really been going through it, y'all. I want to post more from here on out, but I can't make any promises. Executive disfunction and ADHD paralysis sssuuuccckkkkssss.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled screamings!

Also, this is from a members only video. If you can, please support Ian and Anthony directly. I do not share content outside of small Ianthony moments like these.

The noise that came out of my mouth was not human in anyway, shape, or form! Anthony has carried Ian like this before, but it was before his departure. Back then they were really stiff and awkward with each other since their friendship was strained, as they have mentioned several times. Now they're super close and don't give a flying fuck and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!

Sam has been keeping me up to date with everything and I just can't believe the timeline we're in. Everything else might be shit, but at least Ian and Anthony are back together and give us moments like these on the weekly! 😭They keep me sane.

ANYWAYS, I made some gifs of the moment because AHHHH and I'm going to break down the little moments that made my fandom heart flutter

Let's get to it!

Right off the bat, Ian very minorly freaks out when Anthony picks him up and immediately grips Anthony's arm. Logically, I know that anyone would grab onto the closest thing on instinct in this situation... but my Ianthony brain is screaming: "AWWW! ANTHONY MAKES HIM FEEL SAFE!!!!!!!"

Okay, my logic brain is calming down now because this gif just confirmed that Ian not only trusts Anthony whole heartedly but also FEELS SAFE! As soon as Anthony reassures him that he won't let him fall Ian relaxes and starts to let go of the death grip he has on Anthony's arm near the end of the gif.

Another demonstration of how much Ian trusts Anthony. He doesn't even flinch when he lifts him up and even has that face he makes that screams: "yeah yeah, we know Mr. Buff." after Anthony comments on how easy it is for him to hold Ian.

DUDE! The way Ian just goes limp after Anthony once again lets him know that he's got him. IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE and, again, is proof of how much he trusts him. He knows Anthony won't drop him and just decides to relax for a second, putting his full weight on Anthony's shoulders. I CANNOT! It's so intimate!!! Ian probably also took notes from Rhett's "I'm Dead" move he pulls on Link which I find hilarious.

Okay, this is my favorite one of this whole gifset. The way Anthony looks back at Ian to make sure he's still comfortable and then smiling to someone about it!?!? BRING AMBERLAMPS! MY HEART HAS STOPPED!

Damn, I needed these two in my life so badly right now. The fact that they pulled THIS SHIT just makes it so much better. I know they've said and done things more damning within the past few months, but I enjoy more intimate moments like these. Yeah, it's for a bit, but it shows just how much Anthony cares for Ian and how much Ian trusts him.

Lord have mercy, I need a nap after all of that. 😮‍💨

[flying-nightwing]

Damn Him

Hi, this is average af but I needed to post something. You’ll probably be disappointed lmao. Anyway, enjoy some Dick Grayson content!

More on my masterlist, pinned as a top post!

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader

Word count: 4798

Warnings: None

Summary: Dick Grayson never seems to say the right thing around you, and it’s not quite for the reason you initially thought

You looked up from your book when your cellphone vibrated on your desk beside you. You were in the midst of studying for your last exam of the semester, so you had your phone on a strict do not disturb schedule, which meant it remained on 24/7. Your notifications were blocked for any social media, text or calls you might receive, well, except for your one emergency contact: Bruce Wayne. He knew he was supposed to contact you only if he had no other choice but ask for your help, and never had he even used that card ever since you knew him. Reluctantly, you put down you book and marker to switch them for your phone. Turning on the screen, you ignored the various hidden notifications, focusing only on the single line that stared back at you.

Call me when you can - B.

Sighing, you unlocked your phone and pressed the contact name, then the phone icon next to it. It rang twice before Bruce picked up.

"(Y/N), how are you?"

"A bit stressed out, but it could be worse" You replied truthfully. "What's up?"

"I hope you know I wouldn't do this if I had any other solution" He began. "But I need your help on a recon mission, almost all my effective got busted last night"

"Oh my, are they okay?" You frowned with concern, even if he couldn't see you.

"Yes, don't worry" He said, "I'll explain in person, that is if you agree to come. I'd understand if you refused, though"

You rubbed the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes for a second. You owed a lot to Bruce, and since it was a simple recon stakeout, you could take one or two nights off to help him out. You were already ahead of schedule in your studying and confident in your knowledge of the material.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there" You finally answered. "What time do you want me over?"

"As soon as you can"

"Aight, see ya"

You hung up the phone and put it back on your desk, observing it for a second. It had been gifted to you by Bruce after you began going on missions more regularly with the batlings, he said that way he knew for sure all communications would be secure and sheltered from hacking or government surveillance. You had to admit, having an encrypted phone was pretty neat, as it ran entirely on Wayne Enterprises servers and networks. The simple thought of not having to suffer through youtube ads was satisfactory enough on its own to justify the need for it, even if you didn't join missions as much as you used to.

You finally stood up and went to change from your yoga pants and loose tank top to black jeans and a sweater, then jumped in your car and drove to the manor. You punched in your code at the gate and took the right to the garages, where you entered a second code to open the doors. Your car was several notches under those parked there, but you had to have something less flashy as not to attract too much attention. Still, it was more than a majority of college students even had. You had to thank Bruce for that too. He wasn't your adopted father per say, since he found you a few days before your eighteenth birthday, but he still acted like a guardian and mentor for you.

You jogged down to the batcave, where you instantly spotted a chatty blonde sprawled in a seat, making wild gesture. She sprung up straight at the sound of you coming in and her face split in a wide grin. She jumped on her feet and skipped toward you.

"Hey giiiiirl" She drawled out excitedly. "Long time no see!"

"Hey Steph" You chuckled, going for the hug. "Sorry I didn't call, I have no excuses"

"Don't worry about it" She waved off with an airy laugh. She knew how busy school kept you, and how you kind of wanted to separate yourself fromthe vigilante life. "I'm just glad you're here"

"So am I" Bruce called from the computers. He gave you a subtle smile, and you nodded back to him. "It seems like we're in a bit of an impasse here"

You didn't miss the quick glare he sent to Tim and Steph, who sheepishly avoided looking back at him. It didn't seem too serious though, or the air would have drastically changed.

"Before he says anything, know it wasn't our fault" Steph hurried to say.

"We were totally ambushed by Vicky Vale" Tim nodded along."No idea what she did there, but she was, and she saw right through our disguises.We had to bolt before she exposed us"

You frowned in confusion. "Okay can someone tell me what is going on here?"

"Tim and Steph were supposed to go undercover and cozy up with the high leaders of what I have suspicions on good authority are transiting premium grade opium into the US and Europe, and are close partners to Count Vertigo" Bruce began, already exhausted. "But as they said, Vicky Vale was somehow invited to the banquet and singled them out immediately before they could get even near the big guys"

"My magnificent blond mane attracts way too much attention, I'm afraid" Steph sighed sadly, making you chuckle. "It's a curse, babes. I tell ya"

"Keep telling yourself that, Stephi" A new voice came from the top of the stairs. You both wanted suddenly to go back to your books as a big part of why you barely tag along on missions anymore skipped down the stairs. Damn Dick Grayson, damn him. "We all know covert missions are not your strong point"

"I'm gonna kill you in your sleep, Grayson" She smiled sweetly at him.

"No, because you suck at being subtle" He returned the grin, just as sweetly if not more. He ruffled her hair as he passed by. "What's up Timbo"

He hummed something unintelligible, flipping his brother off. Dick laughed, then almost added something when he finally noticed you. His laughter died down and his eyes widened, and suddenly he looked uncomfortable. "Oh, you're here"

"So it seems" You replied as flatly as he spoke. It wasn't new, you had never known how to act around each other. Did you hate him? Of course not, you had absolutely no reason to. Did you consider him your friend? Hard to say. All you knew was that any and every encounter you had with Dick Grayson was awkward. You got along with Tim just fine, and even Jason when he was still around. You loved Cass and Duke, and you even managed to get on Dami's good side, or most of the time anyway. But Dick remained a mystery to you, one that had eluded you for years now. You didn't understand a single thing about that boy, and you doubted you ever would. You've had conversations before, loads of them, and you had no doubt he would make an amazing friend, but you couldn't seem to get past the stage of acquaintances.

Which was frankly disappointing, because you had been instantly attracted by his charms and easygoing nature when you first met. You had been drawn to him, and you couldn't try and pretend you hadn't pinned after him for the longest time. But you hit a wall when his behaviour began changing wildly around you, right around the time you slipped flirts every now and then to let him know that you were into him. Right now, you were just really over his poor attempts at pretending he never noticed it happen.

"So" Bruce spoke up, breaking the tension that had suddenly arisen in the cave. "Tomorrow night we'll have a new opening to try and get to them, hopefully without interruption this time. I've taken a look at the list, and no reporter was on it. We should be good"

"But Tim and Steph already got busted" You pointed out. "They'll know something is up if they show up again"

"That's why they will be seen at the Gotham Charity Auction at the museum" He explained, meeting your eyes. "That's why I called you up. You'll be going undercover with Dick as husband and wife"

"What?" Dick coughed almost immediately. "We're not–" He laughed nervously. "Us? As a married couple? This is ridiculous"

Your head turned sharply toward him, your eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Wow, thanks a lot for the vote of confidence" You snapped. "I didn't know being my fake husband was such a terrible perspective"

"No– Wait– That's not–" He stuttered, his eyes wide. "I didn't mean it that way"

"Sure" You rolled your eyes, before turning to Bruce again. He had an unreadable expression on his face, more unreadable than usually anyway. Tim and Steph stood there in stunned silence, not daring to speak up. "What's the briefing?"

Bruce glanced in between you and Dick, before looking back at you again. "Félix Lachance and Stella Gustavsson, they're the one you need to befriend. Since you're not known to the public, it'll be easier for Dick to pass under the radar and not cause an incident like last time"

"We get it, B" Tim muttered under his breath as Bruce passed you the files with the pictures.

"I need you to retrieve any information you can" He continued, ignoring Tim's comment. "Names of business partners, location of transactions, dates, anything, you know the gig. Your occupation and alias if you want one will be at your discretion, I trust you can deal with that. As always you need to be extremely careful as not to alert them, because this is our last chance to get the critical Intel we need to take this down. So I'll need you at your A game, both of you"

This was a warning and you knew it. He let you know more or less subtly to put aside whatever was happening between you and behave like adults. You straightened your back and took a deep breath, getting your head in the right mindset.

"Alright, I'll be ready for tomorrow night" You nodded as you gathered the files. "Can I stay over tonight? There is no point in trying to study now"

"You don't need to ask, (Y/N), you're always welcome here" Bruce said, a hint of fondness in his voice. He always liked having you around, he said your presence tamed the boys. You nodded and made your way upstairs, finding the room you claimed as your own for about a year, and the same you always came back to when you stayed the night.

You went to the drawers, fishing out old training clothes you had left behind. You weren't sure all those were yours, they were probably mixed with pieces you stole from Steph and Cass. In return, they probably did also steal from your drawer occasionally, balancing it all out. You were about to change into something comfy for bed when a soft knock at your door caught your attention. You walked to it and tentatively opening the door, your expression flattening when you saw how it was.

"Yes?"

"Hey um" Dick scratched the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it came out that way. I just meant that it would be, you know, weird"

You stared at him blankly. "You're not helping your case here, Dick"

"Shit, that's not what I mean either!" He hurried to say, realizing his mistake. But you were already closing the door. "Please (Y/N)–"

"Get some rest Dick" You said as you pushed the door closed. You sighed and shook your head before adding in a whisper, "God knows we'll need it"

------

You had done covert missions before, but this was the first time you were operating in such conditions. You finished retouching your hair, staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering whether or not it was more expensive than your total life income. The floor length champagne coloured dress was stunning, tailored to your form and just sparkly enough to let you shine through the design. You suspected the shoes were made especially to fit with the dress, as they resembled its lace and belt colour. You were sporting on top of that a heavy diamond necklace with matching earrings, proving the general high cost of the outfit. Your comm was carefully tucked in your ear, functional and well hidden.

"Oh my my" Steph whistled lowly. "If I wasn't dating Timbers I would date you"

You laughed. "This is the outfit talking. You haven't seen me tired and puffy in sweatpants just yet"

"Grump, just take the damn compliment" She playfully poked your exposed shoulder.

"Alright alright, thanks" You rolled your eyes. "Since it's gonna be the only one coming from this household anyway"

Steph wiggled her eyebrows. "Wouldn't be so sure about that" She said in a sing-song voice. "Your fake boyfriend may have some thoughts too"

"Ha" You snorted, walking out of your room with her following at your side. "It's good, that you're wishful thinking. The boy can't seem to talk to me without insulting me lately"

"Trust me, he won't be able to resist to this bombshell" She gestured at your form. "Dick's a people pleaser, and looking like a whole five course meal like that, you sure are easy to please if you want my opinion"

You shook your head, a small grin on your face. Steph had always been your favourite for a reason. She knew how you felt about Dick, but she never meddled. Well, not more than she typically would anyway, and not enough to cross your boundaries. And even then, she had no explanation either for his behaviour. You finally reached the foyer, where Bruce was dressed casually, sleeves rolled up and without a tie, talking to an all dressed up Dick, his hair now dark red and with almost black contact lenses. Your heels clicking on the stairs was what snapped their attention to you; Bruce nodding at his choice of dress for you, and Dick, his mouth slightly agape. You felt Steph gently but excitedly elbowing your ribs.

"Ah, (Y/N), there you are" Bruce said. "I'm glad to see the dress fits well"

"Yeah" Dick tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "You look okay"

You blinked in disbelief as you heard Steph's facepalm behind you. You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose, while Bruce shook his head slightly at his son.

"Yikes" Tim made his presence known. You shared this one word mood immensely right about now. "Way to go D"

Dick cleared his throat, trying to push back the embarrassment blush creeping up his cheeks. "Uh, shall we go?"

"That would be preferable, yes" Bruce replied, making Steph choke and cover he laughter with a cough. The way he said it was clearly meant to be a jab to his son's tactless attitude. "Be careful"

"Of course" You smiled tightly and all but dragged Dick outside. You'd take one of Bruce's luxury car to get there, and it was already waiting in the driveway. Dick pressed the door button and slowly, they lifted up to let you in. You slid in the passenger seat without waiting for Dick's help and you kept your eyes on the windshield in from of you as he began to drive. The ride was silent until he decided to speak again, tentatively.

"It's nice to see you all dressed up, for once" He said, still clearly not thinking of his choice of words more carefully. "It's different. A good different!"

For once? Was he serious?

You audibly sighed. "I'm begging you to just stop talking"

"What?" He objected, confused. "What did I say wrong this time– Oh"

"Yeah" You replied, your tone clipped and dry.

"I'm an idiot" He mumbled under his breath. That you could agree on, but you didn't voice it out loud.

He couldn't pull into the driveway fast enough. You slipped on your fake engagement ring as Dick stopped in front of the awaiting valet, doing himself the same thing. You both had a recording device slipped in your clothes, and the ring allowed you to turn it on and off at will, as well as the comm in your ear. You turned both off for the awaiting scan at the entrance, as not to emit detectable frequencies.

"Ready?" He asked, and you gave him a firm nod. He got out first and rounded the car, opening your door for you as he would be expected to by this particular crowd. You took his offered hand to climb out and linked your arm to his as he gave the keys to the valet in exchange for a ticket. He left a tip before you walked inside, registering to the guest list. You passed the security checkpoint without a hassle and found yourself in the hall where the auction was held. You turned on your comm and recording device again.

"Recon first, then regroup?" You suggested in a mutter as you were both visually scanning the room.

"Yep" He replied shortly. "B, copy?"

"Crystal clear" 

"Good. Let's go"

While Dick headed to the bar, you opted for the art collection on display, pretending to scout for potential pieces to bid on. But your eyes weren't on the expensive paintings and statues, but moved around the room to spot some VIP lounge or area where the big shots might hang out at. There was a room where attendees came and went, but you shrugged it off as there wasn't enough security for the profile you were searching for. You paused your recon for small talk here and there, and you were in the middle of a casual chat about painted landscapes with an older gentleman when Dick rejoined your side, handing you a drink.

"There you are honey" He smiled sweetly, his unusually dark brown eyes reflecting the light from the chandelier.

"Joey, my love, allow me to introduce you to Sir Fernand Bretworth of Essex" His alias flew out of your mouth naturally, then you took a small sip of your drink. Non alcoholic, nice thinking. "We were discussing impressionism and its influence on modern art"

You wanted to smirk at the clueless look Dick gave you. He was a prodigy in a lot of things, but art wasn't one. It was more Damian's thing, or Tim's if he tried hard enough, but definitely not Dick's. Take that now. 

"Ah, yes..." He replied slowly. "Fascinating indeed"

"Alright" You let out a small, cover up laugh as your hand rested on his bicep. "My husband has little interest in art, my apologies"

"No offence taken" He chuckled. "I'll leave you two, my wife must be looking for me. An old fool like me gets easily distracted!"

You laughed along with him until he was out of earshot. Then you dropped your hand and turned to him. "Noticed anything?"

"Yeah, there is a guarded room with special access" He said as you walked deeper into the crowd not to look suspicious. "Only owned of a special pass can go in, and the guards are very thorough"

"Great" You breathed. "Now let's hope out lovebirds will come out to mingle"

"As it turns out..." He trailed off, and instinctively, you began turning your head toward where his gaze lead. He immediately redirected your head back to him with a firm, but gentle touch on your cheek. His hand remained there for about three seconds longer than necessary, until he realized what he did and retracted his arm. You could have almost enjoyed it if he didn't look like he was touched by literal fire. "Don't look"

"Sorry" You mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

"... They got out, they're talking to people" He informed you, ignoring what just went down. "You go for Stella, I'll take Felix. Remember, friendly but not suspicious. Sweet talk your way into spilling the beans"

"I know" You bit back, your voice low. "Not my first mission, remember? I know what to do"

"I was just reminding you"

"Yeah, I got that" You scoffed. "If you don't trust me, just say so, it'll save you trouble of babying me"

"Come on, that's not–"

He began arguing, but you walked away before you could slip up and say his real name. It would give him one more reason to come down on you like you were a beginner in need of guidance. You were rusty, not stupid. You didn't need him insulting your undercover talents as well. You stopped in front of a beautiful emerald necklace that had a start bid of ten millions dollars and took a long sip of your drink, now kind of bummed it was non alcoholic. But that very detail was probably why you felt a presence approaching you from behind, giving you a few seconds to compose yourself and sweep your frustration under the rug.

"Trouble in paradise?"

You turned around, surprised. It looked like the voice made you jump, when it was in fact the nature of the question that threw you off, as well as the person who had spoken. Before you could ask, the Stella Gustavsson smiled warmly and nodded to where Dick had been seconds earlier.

"I saw what happened" She began, and your heart skipped a beat, hoping she hadn't overheard. "Those frustrated hands gesture are all too familiar. What did he do?"

You relaxed slightly, for now. "We've been having trouble lately, well, more than usually" You explained with a little complicit cock of your head. She seemed to get it. You, on the other hand, knew Dick was hearing everything on his comm, so you decided to go for it. "He's acting... Weird. Can't seem to talk to me without irritating me, whether on purpose or not. I'm sorry, I'm venting to a stranger, I can't imagine how it must look look like.

"Don't worry about it dear, I asked" She winked, extending her hand. "I'm Stella"

"Aleka" You shook her hand.

"Your dress is stunning, by the way!" She exclaimed. "Which designer?”

You froze for a second before shrugging. "No idea, my designer got it for me" You brushed off. "As long as it looks good, I don't care where it comes from"

"Amen" She said, taking a sip of her champagne. "Although, I need to know the name of your designer. They have amazing taste, and I'm looking for a new one for myself"

Oh shit.

"It's B" You replied instantly.

"Bee?"

"Yeah" You nodded, and she looked at you incredulously. "I mean, that's what we all call him. I'm sure he has a name, but I pay him to dress me, not to know his personal life"

"Harsh, (Y/N)" Bruce said in your ear, and you remembered he had been listening to everything. "But nice save"

She laughed, unaware of the comments from Batman himself. "That is very true. How have I not met you before? I feel we have a lot in common"

"I sincerely have no idea" You replied, adding a little gasp of disbelief.

"You're different from this crowd, I can feel it" She kept going on as you started walking side by side in the exposition room. "Everyone here only cares about petty, trivial things. You have a head on your shoulders, you're smart. Too bad your man can't seem to see what's in front of him"

You sighed in agreement to hide the fist pump of victory that threatened to come up. Just like that, you had won Stella over. "I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to talk to him, but it just makes it worse"

"But have you tried to make him jealous?" She suggested with a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. "There are plenty of young men around, or older bachelors if you're into that. Flirt with them, make sure he sees you, he'll come running, take my word"

"It won't work, he's not–" Even my boyfriend, you were about to say, but you saved your fall just on time. Still, you could practically see Dick's glare in the back of your head at the almost slip up. "Jealous. He's not a jealous man, he's very confident and secure"

"What a shame" She drawled out, going for her champagne again. "Here's what you can do then. Go to him, take him by the neck and french kiss him like there is no tomorrow”

You choked on your saliva as she watched you with a mischievous grin. "Excuse me?"

"It's guaranteed to work, darling" She lifted her shoulder in an elegant shrug. "Then you hold him off. You'll thank me later tonight when you're back at home, just wait and see"

You were about to argue some more, but her insisting stare told you she wasn't just going to let it go. So you scanned the crowd for Dick, spotting him casually excusing himself from a conversation group, going for a refill at the bar. You reached him and grabbed him by the elbow, bringing him face to face with you. You made sure your back was to Stella before beginning to explain the situation.

"I heard" He told you in a mutter, making sure his lips were unreadable under Stella's stare from the distance.

"Then you know what she expects" You sighed, slipping your hands behind his neck. "It doesn't have to be deep, just convincing. Can you do this without grimacing?"

You thought he would stumble into some weak apology, or say something clever. He did neither, instead dived straight for your lips so quickly it was you who was taken by surprise. Naturally, all you could do is kiss him back and try to keep up with him. At some point you thought he would break off, but you weren't prepared for him to actually deepen the kiss. He wasn't letting you go, and it made you dizzy in all the best ways. Let's say you were thankful for his arm around your waist right about now. Finally, you still had to breathe, so you parted reluctantly.

"What was that for?" You asked, your eyes still dazed.

"An apology for irritating you unintentionally" He grinned boyishly, for probably the first time ever directed at you. "I'm an idiot"

"Can confirm" You replied, bringing him down on your lips again. This time, it was a bit shorter, but the spark was still very much present. "You should have done this a long time ago"

"I know" He nodded, his head slightly down and his puppy dog eyes shining even underneath the dark contact lenses. "You're a bit intimidating, I didn't know how to act"

You let out a loud laugh at his confession. "You're kidding"

He pouted.

"Me?" You repeated. "But you're– You're you!"

"Well, duh" He chuckled. "You've got me all tangled in here," He pointed at his chest. "Made me nervous all the time"

You melted just a little bit at his little display, before remembering doing this was a specialty of his. You were just not used to be on the receiving end of it. "You're lucky you're cute, and that I'm already sold on you"

The bright grin returned.

"As heartwarming as this moment is, please focus on the task at hand" Bruce's stern voice echoed in your head, and you were suddenly reminded your conversation had been integrally transmitted to him.

"Right, sorry" Dick apologized sheepishly.

"See, I told you"

This time, you were taken by surprise by Stella walking on you. Even Bruce's intervention hadn't quite brought you back to reality. Damn Dick Grayson, damn him. You turned around, trying to hide your flustered state and instead focusing on the tall gentleman at her side. Must be Felix Lachance, you thought.

"It works every time" She added, sipping from a new glass of champagne.

"You were right" You let out an airy laugh. "Stella, this is my husband Joey Moore. Joey, this is my new friend Stella"

They shook hands before she introduced her husband to the both of you. You already knew his name, but you both pretended you didn't for the sake of your covers.

"Nice to meet you two" Félix smiled politely.

"Hey, would you like to go for a drink after this?" Stella asked. "I sure would like to get to know you two better"

Dick and you exchanged a glance, knowing you had locked the target. Acquiring intel from now on would only be a piece of cake, the base was laid for further actions. You smiled, returning your glance to Stella.

"That would be absolutely lovely"

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn

Summary: Caring is not an advantage. To Mycroft, this was a belief he found through the calculated logic that ruled his life. If was analytical and detached and certainly had nothing to do with Sherlock or the childhood neighbor. 

A/N: In a break from my regularly scheduled SVU writing, here’s a four part Folklore inspired Mycroft Holmes thing.

Please, picture me in the weeds Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously Any time I wanted

“Mycroft, promise you’ll remember me here,” Ruth whispered, laying on the blanket beside where he sat with his legs before him. It was wholly undignified, but it was the clearing they spent their free time in the summer when Sherlock wasn’t there for them to watch over.

“Why here?” he asked, brow lifted as he watched her carefully weaving the bevy of flowers she’d picked. It had made their walk three times as long, but he was content to watch her as the sun shone on red curls and the yellow sundress flowed in the wind. Uncle Rudy wouldn’t approve of the way he was beginning to think of her. The neighbor girl in the summers who helped him watch over his precocious brother and never knew the sister that still haunted his nightmares. He was sixteen now, but the tension was not yet gone in the Holmes house. Ruth’s insistence on dragging him to the clearing always served as a reprieve.

“You don’t act so stuffy, so it’s where I’ll remember you. I want our memories to match when you go off to school in a couple years.” He might have taken offense if she weren’t right, something she must have known because she added, “It’s probably good one of us already acts politely. But I like seeing you when you don’t look so stressed.”

“I’m under no stress, Ruth.”

“You’re a good liar. But we’ve also spent four summers together now. You always play quite serious, but I’m learning to read you.”

There was no reason she needed to know what weighed so heavily on his shoulders. His parents had yet to realize the weight their pressure put on him. He’d been scolded for not watching Eurus more closely, not watching Sherlock and Victor as they played. Then, Uncle Rudy had decided two years before that fourteen was man enough to know the reality and partake in taking care of the family. 

Rudy would always claim he occupied a minor position in the British government, but whatever it was allowed him to put Eurus somewhere far, far away. In a few years, Mycroft would go to Oxford, study something that prepped him to join Rudy. When the time came, managing the secrets would be his job. He would minitor Eurus at Sherrinford, hide the secrets away from his parents, let them think their daughter dead and maintain the illusion she was. At least he would give her creature comforts, gifts on birthdays. 

Mycroft wouldn’t lose the humanity or kindness Rudy had. It took work to learn it, but it was carefully curated and hidden away, reserved for a select few, and Ruth was one of them. He didn’t want to tell Ruth all the darkness Rudy kept tucked away or the way he had to monitor Sherlock to ensure he didn’t remember Eurus or that redbeard wasn’t truly a dog.

“I am unknowable, Ruth,” he nearly hummed, allowing the corner of his mouth to lift. “But I promise to remember you dirtying a perfectly lovely dress in order to weave flowers into a wreath.”

“It’s a crown, Mycroft,” she said emphatically. “I bring blankets now so you won’t dirty your slacks.”

“What a kindness.”

“You used to be more like me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You act like a teacher. All serious and proper and wearing slacks and a sweater and a collared shirt to spend a day in the yard.”

“I’m just trying to act like an adult.”

“We’re not adults.” 

He wanted to tell her he wasn’t allowed to be a child anymore. That he wanted to go with her to get drunk at bonfires and snog and do all the things his peers did. But, between his intellect making most people simply unbearable, the jealousy he wouldn’t acknowledge when some lad talked to Ruth, and the fact that would mean risking something happening to his brother, he couldn’t. If Sherlock were hurt, his parents would blame him, as they did with Eurus, so Mycroft hovered over him. Luckily, he seemed to like the attention from his big brother, often snatching books he knew Mycroft had finished and devouring them to discuss them proudly in earshot of Mycroft.

“I suppose you’re correct. I still have no intention of going to one of those bonfires with you. Sherlock will be home soon. We ought to go back.”

“You’re not his parent.”

“I just enjoy his company.”

She squinted, placing her newly finished ring of flowers atop her head, and he smiled despite himself. It was probably good she made him take these breaks in the summers. Otherwise, he’d never take the time to breathe or feel the sun on his face or anything else. One day, he wouldn’t have the option. Caring wasn’t an advantage. That’s what Rudy kept telling him, but Mycroft couldn’t see how this could be anything but.

Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other… Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

“This isn’t tea, Ruth,” he said, distaste apparent as she set the pitcher before him. 

“It’s sweet tea, Mycroft. Just try it.”

“You were raised by Americans. This is a bastardization of tea. I won’t have it.”

“You take your tea with so much sugar, anyway. It’s hot out, and I wanted something that wouldn’t make me hotter. There’s mint in it. And sugar. Just try it. For me?”

Mycroft made a noise of dissatisfaction, taking the offered glass and sipping it. He didn’t want to admit it was bearable, but when he took another sip, he could see the look of pride on Ruth’s face. Expectantly, she crossed her arms, and he sighed as he realized she’d wait until he answered.

“It’s acceptable. Still a bastardization. Hot tea is perfectly lovely on a hot day.”

“I’ll take it. Especially given how easily you’re drinking it.”

“Impossible.”

“You love me,” she sang playfully, and he wanted to tell her he was becoming quite sure he did. She was who came to mind when he heard love described. Ruth was who he trusted, was comfortable around, and made him want to be less of a miserable pain. She was also beautiful and smart and interesting, not like everyone else he’d dubbed as goldfish as of late. It was infuriating. 

“To the moon and to saturn,” he said softly, mirroring the way she’d said the same thing affectionately to both him and his brother. His eyes were closed as his head rested against the back of the patio swing, and he felt the tickle of Ruth’s braids before he felt her press a kiss to the top of his head. His heart pounded, and Mycroft was suddenly more aware of her closeness as he opened her eyes. The sound of Sherlock calling out to his audience of toys as he played echoed to them, but for once they were the background noise to his mind and all he could focus on was Ruth’s soft laugh as she watched his brother from her place beside him.

“To the moon and to saturn,” she smiled. “You’re my best friend, Mycroft.”

He didn’t like the word friend in that moment, but saying as much would mean admitting he was smitten with her. There was no way he could keep that from mummy and father. He wasn’t one for affection, but he let her rest her head upon his shoulder, a dignified hand pressing to her cheek before returning to his lap. 

“And you are mine, Ruth.”

“You mean that?”

“I do.”

“Thank you.” 

Ruth stayed against his side, only sitting up when Sherlock ran up clutching some piece of a broken gardening trow he seemed quite proud to have found. Ruth took it gladly, promising she’d try to think of a way to give it a handle again. In the fall and spring, it was always harder for him to keep up with his younger brother; mummy and father both taught at the university and found their time researching and writing indispensable so they could enjoy the winter break and summer. They said the boys would be fine on their own, but what they meant was Mycroft would be watching. It was better with Ruth, who genuinely seemed to enjoy helping to make Sherlock feel included. 

With Eurus gone and Victor dead, the ten year old only had his brother and their neighbor. He also had the same distance Mycroft remembered so well, the sea between himself and everyone else because their minds simply worked differently. People could be so boring, especially if they were unwilling to deal with the Holmes’ peculiarities. Everyone was so delicate, still learning who they were and building self esteem, that Sherlock and Mycroft with intelligence to rival the teachers and eccentricities abound didn’t know how to interact, especially given how long their mother had kept them home schooled. Victor had always understood his brother, and now he was gone. Ruth was the first close friend Mycroft had found, the only one where he didn’t have to calculate what his next move should be.

“Mycroft,” Sherlock asked, pulling on his brother’s sleeve. He was still all dark curls and blue eyes. It was still admiration on his face instead of the annoyance that would take its place ten years later. “Do we have any of the big wooden dowels left? Ruth says we could use them to make a handle!”

“We do,” he said softly, straightening the boy’s collar. “You’re quite lucky she’s always so willing to assist in your restorations. Her father does restorations for museums. I’ll fetch the dowels. You help Ruth set up your work station.”

I’ve been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why I think you should come live with me  And we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry

“Why are you hiding?” 

Mycroft looked up from his book, back against the wall of the attic. It was the first Christmas since he’d left for Oxford, and he was pleased to learn both families would spend it as they did their summers. If anything had been confirmed for him, it was that he was irrevocably in love with her. He’d now kissed and slept with a couple of people and each time he wondered how it would be if it were Ruth. 

Rudy had made it apparent that until he was needed at a job once he graduated, his summers were his, and he was pleased to know he had three summers with her before Eurus was his responsibility. Sherlock had been acting out since he left, and he had a feeling soon enough the boy would be his responsibility from afar.

“I’m not hiding,” he argued as she settled beside him. “What, no hello?”

“Hello, Mycroft. I missed you terribly.”

“I missed you too, Ruth.” 

“You never call me. We don’t get to run into each other when you’re at school. So we’ve got to put in effort.”

“I’ve nothing terribly interesting to say.”

“Call and bore me then, okay?”

“You require quite a lot of attention.” His tone was as playful as she’d ever heard, though to anyone else she was certain it sounded monotone. But, the corners of his mouth weren’t turned down, even if he did seem more exhausted than she’d ever seen him.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, Mycroft.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I could hear your dad.” Mycroft sighed, placing his bookmark and setting the novel aside. His hands came to rest on his lap, fingers laced, and he just couldn’t quite bring himself to look at her. “Was it about Sherlock?”

“He’s been acting out with regularity. Mummy and father think I should come back more. That he misses me. I do not know when they expect that I will be able to, but I’m going to make an effort to.”

“Mycroft, he’ll find something else to act out over. He’s only turning eleven. It’s a change he’ll have to get used to because one day, you’ll be prime minister or something and never have time for any of us.”

“Don’t wish that upon me.”

“Sometimes, I think something bad happened here. And that the energy gets to your dad. He isn’t like this in the city from what you tell me.”

“Are you implying ghosts make my father angry, Ruth?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “You should come stay with me. I’ll sneak you in through the window.”

“Your father would have me killed. He’d assume I had nefarious intent.”

“He left,” she muttered, picking at the loose thread of the rug. 

“Ruth-”

“I’m fine. He still visits me, and I visit him. It’s just so strange being here for Christmas without him. He met a woman at work…”

“How’s Catherine?”

“She’s taken it well. She stays out a lot. But she’s been home for the holiday since we came out here.”

“I am always here if you need to talk about it. You could have called me.”

“I know,” she said, squeezing his fingers. “Are you ready to run away from responsibility yet? I still think we could have a lovely roadside stand somewhere. A cottage.”

“You could always come to Oxford.”

“Maybe I will.”

“I’ll always have a place for you.”

“I’m just pleased I get to see you. It’s been too long. You’re my favorite person, you know?”

“And you’re mine.”

“No, Sherlock is,” she teased, nudging his side. “But that’s fair.”

“I love you.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them. He’d said it dozens of times, but always in response to her. There was something else behind it now as they hid away from their families. It felt comfortable. He felt at home now that she was here. Wasn’t that a sign? That he still felt unstable when surrounded by his parents and Sherlock, but a peace washed over him when Ruth’s head poked out from behind the attic door. 

“Mycroft-”

“It’s perfectly alright if you don’t.”

“I do.”

“What?”

“I said I do. I love you too, Mycroft Holmes.”

He didn’t know what to do now. Oxford was the first place someone had kissed him, a brunette boy at a party his roommate had held. There was also a woman, one much older than him, who he met at the library. Those had been simple enough because the weight of his feelings wasn’t attached. He’d worked so hard with Rudy to control them, to remember caring isn’t an advantage. It was acceptable to love his little brother; Rudy reminded him that would make everything easier. But loving Ruth? He’d always made their friendship an exception, but as he realized he had the opportunity to kiss her he took it. 

Long fingers cupped her jaw, and his heart soared as he realized she was looking to his lips. She leaned in before he could, hands going to his sides as she kissed him sweetly. Each kiss he’d had before had a purpose. It was hard and wanting and found the inexperienced Mycroft in a bed somewhere. Now, he could just hold his lips to hers like this forever, never progressing, and be happy. When they did separate, she buried her face into the crook of his neck, and his arms circled her waist as he savored the closeness. He could feel her heart pounding as his was. 

“I love you, Mycroft.”

“And I love you, Ruth.”

“Promise?”

“To the moon and to Saturn.”

[thestaredown]

how about YOU calm the fuck down and making bitchy PSAs that nobody asked for and stop trying to control reactions others might or might not have. Y’all love criticizing the show show all year long without caring how your constant negative, entitled whining might affect others - but the second you’re offered some kind of crumb/ content, you think that everybody should "be positive" and not taint the enjoyment of others/ take away hope. I hope you’re aware how deeply hypocritical you are. And ridiculous for still thinking it's an AU/ Multiverse.

Welcome second anon ever!

First off I am very calm, and wasn’t being particularly bitchy, but I suppose that is open to interpretation. Asking that people to try to enjoy themselves is not trying to control reactions, at most its advice that doesn’t need to be taken, you do you.

This got long so its under the cut.

Trust that one thing I’m not about this show is positive, my expectations are on the floor, and ships aren’t even the biggest part of that. I also always tag accordingly (this was under riverdale negativity I believe) and personally I’m not prone to spreading negativity at all.

Any show is going to receive criticism, it’s part of the nature of television, it’s also part of fandom discussion good or bad. I myself felt like the show missed lots of opportunities last year and the season didn’t do too much where it could have done a lot narratively.

It’s not a shocker that bugheads miss bughead. Trust that most of us don’t expect them back any time soon and some don’t expect them back at all. This show will do what it wants. There are going to be bad eggs in any part of the fandom that color our views of the whole group and that sucks.

To be fair I don’t think everyone should “be positive”, be negative if you want, hate the story line, bash the character, it’s your feeling on the matter, this is your corner of the internet.

My enjoyment from the split second of promo came from seeing content I’ve wanted for the first time in a while and I said nothing about taking away “hope” or “tainting enjoyment” simply that we should all try enjoying what we do get because for once lots of parts of the fandom may have something in the works.

Also, the episodes have been called au by the cast and tiptoed around by writers who seem allergic to the phrase.

The point is, this is Rivervale not Riverdale, and we still don’t know how much is going to bleed through, so AU is a catch all for “not where we normally are.”

I don’t tend to whine on my page so I feel like that is more a blanket response (I only know what I and those I follow post) nor do I seek out negativity any more than I put it out.

My point was that for once we will all have something we like in an episode, will it hold or make sense? Who knows, but it’s something,  and I for one would rather enjoy it than hate on what I don’t like.

Having only been active in this fandom for a bit over a year I will say while I’m sure some fans feel entitled I don’t think we’re owed anything but a good story, which the show hasn’t delivered.

That’s also an interesting word to use because my follow up post was partly my own reaction about some of the entitled behavior I’ve seen in this fandom. And to be perfectly clear the behavior seen is not something I endorse no matter what people ship, bad form is bad form, period.

I will be here minding my own and sometimes being exasperated at how this fandom as a whole reacts and over reacts. I will enjoy my content and leave others alone while they enjoy theirs.

And yes sometimes there will be ranting, criticism, theories and fandom discourse. That’s simply part of fandom and it can be enjoyable if everyone gets that our opinions will not always match up.

Much of the Riverdale fandom doesn't get that, so there is no peace after any news.

I can’t be the only one that would like a break from that to simply enjoy things, before the show goes back to its regularly scheduled nonsense.

Thanks for stopping by.

[pynkhues]

Hi, Sophie. I need some advice, and I understand if you aren't comfortable with responding, however I trust your opinion and your perspective which is why I've come to you (this might get long). I am feeling extremely and increasingly despondent about my place in the Good Girls fandom, to the point where I just don't want to write any more. This saddens me, as I enjoy creating content immensely, however I feel my work does not get the same engagement of works with equal merit,

particularly in regards to making it on to the rec lists that circulate a lot. I engage with the fandom, I’m enthusiastic about other’s work and encourage them to create, I consider myself to be a fandom member who understands this place is built on reciprocal engagement however I just don’t feel like I get any love back. This in turn makes me feel like I am genuinely not a good writer, despite my own belief to the contrary, and to wonder if I’m embarrassing myself by even bothering to continue.

I’ve asked for constructive feedback and been honest about not having a bruised ego if people were to tell me why my work doesn’t resonate with them as much as others, however this hasn’t come to anything (do people not do concrit any more?). How do I figure out where I’m going wrong? I know everyone likes to push the platitude of ‘fandom isn’t about receiving glory from others’ but with respect I think that’s an incredibly dismissive attitude to have (not that you appear to have that opinion),

(last message I promise!) particularly when fandom is entirely about interaction and content creation, and the symbiotic relationship between the consumer and the creator. I want people to engage with my work more, what’s the secret?

Hi! I’m so sorry it’s taken a week or so to get to this – it’s just been a bit of wild time lately for a whole suite of work and personal reasons.  

Thank you for reaching out though! And I’m not uncomfortable at all with these sorts of questions. I think it opens up a really interesting conversation, which I’ll circle back to in a sec, but before I get into that, I want to say that I’m really sorry that you’re feeling despondent about your place in the GG fandom! I can’t speak to your specific experience of course, but I will say that I get where you’re coming from. I think it’s something that affects all of us at varying points, including myself, and I think that the sort of despondency you’re talking about is really something that taps into questions of any sort of creative landscape where people are creating and consuming work.

(Under a cut, because this reply is a little meandering, a little personal, annnnd about 4.5k words, haha)

It’s an interesting point too, because I think when we talk about this, we tend to think both of creative communities and/or fandoms as only having these sorts of issues when they’re BIG communities or BIG fandoms, but that’s not true at all. To me the reality of any sort of community – whether that be a million-person Marvel fandom or three-person knitting club – is that you have people wanting to connect with others, and, with the added factor of some of those people having a creative output within that community (whether that be through writing, art, gifsets or a really great set of mittens), you have an added level of vulnerability and investment.

People aren’t just seeking connection, they’re seeking - - well.

A whole lot more.

And you thread the needles of some of the issues of that really well in your ask too. Those three needles being engagement with your work, popularity of certain people, and how that’s bred an insecurity in your own work.

And seriously, as someone who’s worked extensively with creative communities, and on-and-off in cultural production for the last ten years? These are concerns that I think are endemic in all of these spaces; although perhaps I’d articulate them slightly differently.

You say engagement, popularity and the work.

I say community, profile and craft.

Potato, po-tah-toh, haha.

Ultimately these are three things that depend on each other just as much as they exist entirely independently of one another. It’s like a weird, polyamorous relationship that at its best works great and creates a thriving, mutually beneficial environment for people to grow and develop and engage, and at its worst is a totally toxic clusterfuck. Realistically though, this is a spectrum not an either-or scenario, which means probably 98% of the time a community space really is something in-between.

Unpacking the ecosystem of that I think is pretty crucial to the questions that you’re asking, so I hope you don’t mind me using this time as a bit of a launchpad to talk about those things.

Community

During my arts touring days, I used to see a lot of misconceptions around how communities came to be. There tended to very much be this ‘If You Build It, They Will Come’ ideology, which is really not the case at all. Sometimes that might work, but most of the time, community builds from the ground up, not the top down. It begins through – usually – a few people coming together out of need or want or passion, and then if enough people have that need, that want, that passion, that community will likely grow. That growth though is usually championed by certain members of said community, because communities do tend to need - - not leaders per se, but people who are invested and drive things that create space for engagement.

Fandom’s not any different at all, and in that sense the communities are built similarly around participation, trust, discussion and content, things I don’t really feel like I need to elaborate on because you clearly know that from your ask, and most of this post is going to be about the last of those things, but I think it’s just worth mentioning. Particularly because I want to add to that that in my experience, communities are also usually built pretty strongly around regularity.

For a show like Good Girls it’s kind of great because that regularity is built into the DNA of traditional TV – it airs weekly as opposed to being dropped in bingeable packets. So that sort of gives you this in-built ten, thirteen, eleven, soon-to-hopefully-be-sixteen weeks where there are appointments for engagement. As a part of that, you get an organic flurry of activity and a degree of commitment from people participating, which is further bolstered by the time in-between episodes having drops of sneak peek clips and promo pictures which in turn bolster speculation, theorising, and a hunger for creative content i.e. fic, art and gifsets.

Working in cultural production, we typically call this ‘appointment programming’ because the idea is that you build community around a regular event. People put it in their diaries, and choose to show-up. It used to be integral to TV, but it’s becoming far less so, but that’s a whole other thing. Appointment programming though encompasses a lot more than just TV viewing, it’s a part of our international cultural ecosystem – it’s festivals and cons, it’s touring concerts and shows, it’s showcases, it’s workshops – it’s anything that builds engagement around a specific experience, at a specific time.

The reason I bring this up is that to me – from my years of experience in fandom and natural tendency to think a lot about / dissect things that I participate in, haha – is that I think fandom spaces typically continue this appointment programming and production beyond the parameters of the content itself. We see this through conventions, fanfic big bangs and other challenges, awards, events, as well as just regular content generation.

Good Girls in particular has a lot of community-driven appointment programming. There’s the weekly re-watch I’ve done on here since August last year, as well as back in 2019, there’s @foxmagpie’s Good Girls’ Appreciation Week, @nottonyharrison’s fic awards, prompt-a-thon and kinkfest, the new fic awards too which are going around, as well as fic authors who publish regularly or on a fixed schedule - @fairhairedkings’ FBI fic I think being the best example of that.

But it’s not even always that structured. I’ll talk about this a bit more in my section on Profile below, but I think this extends to asks and replies. Basically to the expectation of content, whether that be gifs or art or fic or meta or surveys or rec lists, or some combination of all of the above.

I categorically hate the term, but the reason ‘Big Name Fans’ become ‘Big Name Fans’ are usually because their blogs become touchstones for more content (whether that’s original or sharing other people’s), which in turn means occasionally some voices can generate a profile that makes them sort of central figures of the broader community – because there’s this guarantee that you’re gonna go there and you’re gonna get regularly fed. Their blogs, including mine I think, become in and of themselves sort of ‘appointment programming’. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this in particular, both good and bad, but my feelings on it don’t particularly matter in this context, haha, so I’m going to leave that thread there.

The point I’m getting at is that while a community builds organically, a community, like anything, needs to be fed to grow, and that people are more likely to engage when they’re being fed regularly.

Look at this way, I was definitely at my most popular in this fandom when I was more or less posting an instalment of Playing House every week. Like, seriously - -

And that was on top of answering between three and ten asks a day.

In that sense, I think that outputs got a lot to do with engagement, particularly in smaller fandoms. There are fewer content producers, which I think bolsters the profile of the one’s posting a lot, regularly, which I think in turn can have the unfortunate trickle down effects too where other members of the fandom see there as being this wall and hierarchy that doesn’t necessarily actually exist, simply because certain names become prevalent.

I think if you come from a big fandom where there are 50, 100, 250 big content producers, it’s a bit more liberating and a lot easier to ‘curate your experience’ so to speak, whereas perhaps in a small fandom, like Good Girls, where there maaaaybe 15 regular content creators, that’s a lot harder. In the end I think that some people feel like you have to like and follow certain people and their work (you don’t!), that ‘it’s cool’ to not like those people (it’s not!), and that certain voices are being ‘silenced’ simply because they don’t have the same profile for whatever reason. Unfortunately that’s hard to get out of, because being in a small fandom is the equivalent of being in a very small, very hot room with not a lot of people, but enough that you’re going to bump into literally everyone on your way in and out of it.

(This is a bit of an aside, but I just want to say that that things do get personal in communities because you do get to know people and have relationships and they can end badly. It also sucks when those personal issues with members of the community bleed over and become public and make the space overall a bit shit. I’m very much guilty of this and will own that, but I have been trying hard to do better, and have completely stopped certain behaviours.

All that said, I do want to flag here that the very nature of this post means I’m going to be honest about my experiences. It’s not meant as subtags or as pointed comments, it’s just - - me talking about said experiences. If these people do still stalk my blog, which well - - I know they do because other people send me shit, haha, I hope that they don’t take any of this the wrong way).

So yeah – I think smaller fandoms can by their very nature become a bit of a melting pot of personalities which results in engagement becoming politicised. I personally do try to share everyone and to not politicise fic recs. I even rec people I personally don’t get along with if I feel it’s appropriate to do so i.e. my episode fic recs, but I’m pretty aware that that type of engagement is not a courtesy extended back to me. It did bum me out for a hot minute with a couple of people, gotta be honest, haha; one person in particular because I didn’t feel like we had a personal beef prior to her doing this, so I didn’t really understand why she was purposefully excluding me. 

I knew she read my fics, and I knew it was personally targeted because she DM’d a friend (who I don’t think she realised was a friend of mine) and told her not to rec my fics which is – y’know – in my mind just kind of a dick move? (also really weird, like - - people aren’t going to leave the fandom just because you don’t like them, and you can’t omit them to a point they cease to exist lol), but at the end of the day, she can do whatever she wants, and I can’t control her behaviour, but I can control my own and propagate the culture that I want to be a part of.

On the flipside of that though, small fandoms – and bumping into everyone, haha – can also be great! It can foster friendships and relationships that really form the backbone of any community, and it’s really there that a lot of engagement outside of appointment-based consumption comes from. It’s those relationships that build growth and excitement and conversations and ultimately support.

I guess my point here is that often engagement and recs and championing can be a bit personal, and where you fit in a community, your relationships with people – good and bad – impacts the way people engage with your work. The funny thing is though right, like, jumping back a point, you might not even know what the beef someone has with you is. You can’t ever entirely know how people like or dislike you, where ego comes into it (and as someone who’s been in a lot of creative spaces, ego is alwaaaays present), what vulnerabilities and insecurities people have, where people are at in their creative journey, to say nothing of cultural differences in online spaces where people are from all over the world.

It’s complicated, is what I’m getting at, and the I think where you fit in community can have a big impact on how your work is received, even if we all like to say otherwise.  

Profile

Let’s talk about Like an Unsung Chorus.

This is a fic that I wrote back in 2018. At the point of writing this answer, it’s the most kudos’ed fic in the GG category on ao3, and the most bookmarked.

Do I think it’s the best fic in the fandom?

Fuck no, haha. I don’t even think it’s the best fic I’ve written in this fandom, let alone among the rest of the talent we have here.

I think to talk about the success of that fic is to break it down to a few different factors:

I wrote that during the s1/s2 hiatus when there just weren’t that many fics, particularly long running ones, which means there wasn’t a lot of ‘appointment engagements’ for people to tap into. There were some really great ones! Please don’t get me wrong there! But there weren’t a lot.

I published the last chapter the day 2.01 aired, which means it was close to the top of ao3 the day the new season started + new fans arrived, and lapsed fans returned, which means it was a pretty meaty, finished fic for people to jump into straight away.

I created this sideblog a few weeks before I posted the last chapter, and the combination of that + the fic meant people started sending me asks about the show, which I started answering.

It’s been the most kudos’ed fic more or less since then, so it means every wave of new fans who search for Good Girls fic and sort by kudos – for better or worse – see that fic first, and well. Then it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

Profile’s a funny thing to talk about I think when it comes to fandom because I tend to flip-flop on how much it has an impact on readers specifically. Like – yes, I’m a prolific member of this fandom, and I have the most kudos’ed fic in it, but my Ruby-centred fic Blue Moon only has 31 kudos and 300 hits, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t sometimes bum me out. I like it as a story, I like that it prioritised character and backstory, I like what I wrote, and it’s not even that it just didn’t resonate, that low number of hits (just as a point of comparison, Chorus has almost 22k hits, and my most-read one-shot in this fandom has 12k hits) tells me a lot of people didn’t even give it a chance.

So in that sense, does profile even matter?

Okay, dumb question, Sophie, haha, yes, of course it has an impact.

I mean, comparing Blue Moon to Chorus is a false dichotomy for starters – one’s character-focused, not ship-focused; one’s a pastiche, the other is a plot heavy canon-extension; one’s a one-shot, one’s got 11 chapters, etc etc, but I do think it’s worth acknowledging what a small percentage of that readership transferred between them. My profile might have made a few people give it a shot, but it certainly didn’t affect all of them.

What I’m getting at here is that I think popularity and profile can often bear more weight in conversation than it does necessarily in reality. I do think that it has weight – I know for instance that some of my weirder concepts like Mick x Mary Pat got more traction than it necessarily would’ve if a brand new author to the fandom had written it – but I also think profile tips the scales in the opposite direction too. I mean I just talked about this but – personal beefs, people with those personal beefs actively encouraging others not to read or rec that person’s fics, people avoiding higher profile authors because they feel ignored by them (rightfully or wrongfully), etc etc.

Profile and popularity is, in a lot of ways, a double edged sword. I think it can bolster interest in your story and amplify your potential audience – particularly if you’re writing a story that hits the right note for people – but I also don’t think engagement is necessarily as symbiotic as you said in your ask.

I mean, I think it helps, but if the way people engaged with our work balanced with the way we engaged with other people’s works, we’d have a very different most kudos’ed fic list on ao3 (and I include myself in that – I’m not the best at commenting, although I do try to share and rec a lot).

So I guess that brings us to craft.

Craft

Like with the other two points, I can’t point solely to the craft of writing as having an answer to your question. I mean, I can’t speak to your writing at all given you’re on anon of course, but I think overall this is a really talented fandom, but it can be hard to predict the fics that strike a chord with people, but then, isn’t that true of all storytelling?

I mean, I could talk forever right now about arcs and scaffolding, emotional beats, thematic throughlines, whatever, but at the end of the day, what hits that note for you is probably different to what hits it for me. The way we engage with stories is subjective, what appeals to us is ultimately manufactured out of our unique histories, experiences, thought processes, desires and a million other things. There isn’t a secret ingredient, no recipe to be followed; if there was, everyone would have the world’s most popular story on their hands.

What’s important is to tell the story that resonates with you, because yeah, you want to be proud of the story that you’re writing, you want to enjoy it, but also that’s the one that’s going to feel authentic to a reader as well, and you do that through knowing who your characters are, what the story you’re telling is, and committing to that. Gosh, that’s why Twilight is cemented in our pop culture history alongside Animal Farm. There’s honesty to experience, whether that be manifesting teenage forever love with vampires or loading up farm animals with Russian Revolution metaphor.

But still, let me switch hats for a minute – fandom Sophie to editor Sophie, haha

Okay. Take all of this with a grain of salt, but here are some things I have noticed when reading fic, not just in this fandom but others too. These are broad, big picture comments – again, I can’t speak to you specifically because you’re on anon, and again, I can’t predict what makes things popular – but again. These are things I’ve pretty actively noticed when reading fic, and could play a role in perhaps a story not resonating as much as the author might want it to:

Missing Scenes

Writers like to skip ahead to the fun bits. That’s fine! Do it! Enjoy it! But when you skip the scenes that impact the next, just because you want to get to the next, your story will feel the loss of it.

That’s one of the best bits of writing advice I ever got actually – if a scene isn’t working, the issue often isn’t with that scene, it’s usually with one of the ones that got you there.

Storytelling is entirely made up of cause and effect, and if you skip out on the cause, the effect’s not going to work.

I’d really encourage you to embrace the unfun scenes, make them work hard with character development, conflict building, mood setting, so that the fun scenes sing.

 Mood

Speaking of, really think about mood. When I’m writing, sometimes I don’t even know the story yet, but I know the mood of what I’m writing, the tone of it. I know if I want it to be fun and flirty or rough and angsty or tight and thrilling, and I try to feel that and imbue that into the process of my writing. Mood goes so far, and it’s what really creates resonance with the story that you’re telling. It’s what impacts the way you write dialogue, engage setting, build conflict, and it’s going to not just guide you as a writer, but your reader as an audience.

It’s an exercise I use a lot when I’m teaching, but think of it this way: two girls walk alone through the woods. A basic premise. Now think about how differently you’d write it if it was: comedy; family fairytale; horror.

Those are completely different stories, right? And what you focus on and how you write it is going to be so different. So even if you’re just trying to write something and you don’t really know what, just have a little think about the mood of it, and what sort of feeling you want readers to take away from it. And then! Use that mood when you’re thinking about setting (the trees in these woods are going to look very different after all if it’s a children’s fantasy vs a horror), action and dialogue. Embrace it! 

Space

Space informs mood which informs the way we read stories.

I just touched on it in the above section, but embedding your story in a space is going to bring out so many different parts of it. It gives your characters objects to interact with, an environment to feel, a stage to play on.

Nothing happens in a vacuum, so why write that way? And again – space informs mood which ultimately is what creates resonance. Think of the gothic sprawl of the moors in Wuthering Heights or the way the house is used in The Lovely Bones to trap Lindsey when she finds the lock of her dead sister’s hair.

Understanding space can really level up your writing and make it feel alive.

(If you’re just starting out with this sort of thing, look at pictures, draw a map! It’ll help a lot). 

But why?

My favourite and least favourite writing question, haha.

It’s also my favourite and least favourite question as a reader. Understanding character motivations – whether they be major or minor characters – is pivotal to investing a reader in the journey of your story. As a reader, I don’t have to like it, but I need to get it, and that’s something I think is often unfortunately missing.

Engagement

Oof, this got long, haha. Sorry! There were a few personal tangents in there, but my point is ultimately that there isn’t a simple, single answer for your questions. The way people engage are, in my experience, this perfect cocktail of totally predictable and completely unpredictable. I think place in community and profile helps in some respects, but not in others, I think engagement can as much be about popularity as it can be about craft, and even beyond that, I think how readers connect with certain stories are beyond the scope of anything I can explain. I see great fics get overlooked, and fics that I don’t think are particularly well-written hit a huge note with pretty much everyone in the fandom, so I don’t know. I don’t think quality writing always has that much to do with it, and like I said above, I don’t even necessarily think profile breeds engagement.

All of this said, I do think that authenticity goes a long way with engagement. I know a few people who are very blatantly tit-for-tat with how they engage with others, which personally I find hmmmmmmmmmmm, I guess I’d say telling of people’s priorities within fandom? Which is fine! We’re all here for our own reasons, but I know it affects how I personally interact with those people because it’s not behaviour I personally value. I know for me, I’m more likely to engage if people are warm and friendly and contributing to positive culture and conversation within fandom, but I’d also always prefer to engage with people who were just openly different in opinion than people who pretend to be friendly but are actually the first to talk shit behind your back.

So I guess all of this is summing up to be:

Regularity and consistency of posting goes a long way.

Profile does help, but it’s not the be-all-and-end-all by any stretch of the imagination.

Community and profile mean different things to different people.

Authenticity of approach creates better quality, more organic engagement.

Never stop learning about writing, because the more you learn, the richer your stories will be.

Keep growing and challenging what you know about stories.

Know that sometimes your story is more niche than you think.

People responding to your stories unfortunately isn’t a lock and key situation. People like different shaped keyholes! And sometimes something that looks like a key doesn’t actually fit that, and sometimes something that looks like - - I don’t know, a fish, fits perfectly. Okay, I’ve extended this metaphor too far now, haha.

I don’t think this is the answer you want, but it’s the only one I can really give, and it’s 5k words of context and hopefully a little bit of advice, haha. But look, write what you enjoy, find people you like engaging with and be proactive in talking to the people who are engaging with your writing already. Contribute positively and meaningfully, and do so authentically, and don’t give up!

There’s a great Stephen King quote which says – and I’m paraphrasing here, haha – that you’re not a real writer until you can wallpaper your house in rejection letters; and as someone who can absolutely do that and is about to have her first novel published with Penguin Random House, it’s really true.

You become a better writer through putting yourself out there, building networks and community, reading, learning, engaging, seeing what works and what doesn’t, understanding how profile bolsters readership, but more so than anything else, you become a better, more resonant writer through the act of writing.

And that’s as true of fanfic as it is of any writing.

[shra-vasti]

YOON JEONGHAN

Series : To all the boys

Pairing : Yoon Jeonghan x reader

Type : non idol au, ex-lovers au

Genre : angst, drama, fluff, romance

Warnings : one curse word lol

Word count : 1k approx

Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.

MAIN MASTERLIST

[Received, 15.10.2020] | next

"They have got to be kidding me, giving us such horrendous amout of assignments."

Jeonghan's room was nothing but a nightmare of any university student, papers splayed across the whole floor, important files being kept neatly at one side of him, laptop with multiple tabs open on his laps.

He didn't even bring his coffee inside his room just in case he trips on it and it spills on all of the hardwork he has been doing from the past week.

He gathered all of the things and neatly stacked it in his desk, falling onto his bed he let out a loud whine of relief that finally all of his work was done.

He stayed like that for few minutes before reaching out for his phone to open up his socials.

Jihyun : don't forget to eat your meal, I don't want you to skip it while you drown yourself in work, love you.

"You know I will eat my food no matter what why bother being so worried."

He, instead of replying just shut down the chat room and wondered out loud throwing his phone beside him.

He has been dating Jihyun for a little over 5 years now and yet he wasn't as interested in her as he used to be years prior when they first started dating, well after meeting you to be precise.

Jihyun wasn't fun, she didn't challenge his head, she never doubted his actions, always blindly trusted him when he himself knew he didn't deserve to be trusted.

And that was boring, he wanted a relationship where he could playfully banter with his significant other, where his partner would be as sarcastic as he was and always had a comeback to his remarks but Jihyun wasn't like that, she always apologized for everything even when it wasn't her fault.

Maybe that's the reason he still yearned for you, maybe that's the reason he every now and then had this urgent urge to hold you in his arms like he used to.

"I can't believe I have a girlfriend who would give me world and here I am sulking over how after our breakup I'm the one who's always reaching out to you and beg you to talk with me y/n."

He reached his phone again as he opened up your messages, he scrolled up to see only his messages asking if you had a time to spare to talk with him from your busy schedule, which he knew wasn't so busy and you were just ignoring him.

You had deleted his contact but never blocked him letting him be in the delimma of always being a message away from you yet he knew you were gone far away from that.

You're heartless, he concluded. He made you heartless and he was proud of it but he wasn't ready to be the victim of it and experience it in first hand.

How could you be so merciless with someone to whom you've shown your softest side possible? You didn't back away from accusing him for your anxieties and low self esteem and he genuinely felt awful for treating you the way he did.

But that didn't mean for you to cut him off from your life like that, he still wanted to be your go to person, he still wanted to be your first priority, someone you would look up to when you were upset because he knew you would never let anyone see that side of you.

He wanted to be the shoulder you could cry on, he wanted to be with you and wipe your tears away, fuck, he wanted to be in relationship with you again if it wasn't so impossible.

He sighed, he was once again getting lost in the thoughts of you, he always hoped you would reach out to him and tell him that you're ready to take him back, he would leave everyone else for you.

You were his rock and he hates himself for letting you go easily and taking you for granted. He got up from his bed to make a coffee for himself and relax.

It was always like this, he had been getting lost in the thoughts of you for a quite while now and even though he knew it was natural for him to miss someone who was so dear to him, past weeks have been way too difficult for him.

It was like he was yearning for you not only emotionally but he wanted to feel you physically, he wanted to hold you in his arms and cry about how difficult university life has been like he used to.

Ofcourse he did have Jihyun for that but all that girl do is give him sympathy and tell him she's there for him but he doesn't want that.

He wants her to cradle his lap and kiss him senseless so he would forget about his tensions for a good time and then hug him tight stroking his hair and distracting him before calming his nerves by talking his problem out with him and coming up with a solution, something he got habitual to when he was with you.

But she wasn't you and he was starting to realize it more as the time slipped through his hands. He did everything he could to keep you by his side and he was starting to doubt why he wanted to keep up the burn-out flame of his and Jihyun's relationship when he had someone as amazing as you.

He didn't wanted to break off with Jihyun cause she was his first love and she never treated him wrong but he realized late that in the long run he didn't want someone as naive as Jihyun to be with. She couldn't handle him although she was trying her best, she just couldn't.

He made his way towards the couch in the living room to drink his coffee leisurely when his eyes landed on an envelope.

He doesn't remember receiving a mail as he wondered if it was of Jihyun since she had spent whole day with him yesterday.

He called her before touching the envelope.

"Jeonghan, you wanted something? Are you stressed? Want me to bring something?"

He closed his eyes momentarily, she was always too worried about him and he didn't like it, he rather preferred being babied by you cause you didn't like babeing people.

"Nope, but stop worrying too much please, I'm not a baby, plus I called you to ask if you by any chance have left an envelope of yours on my table?"

"Ohh the envelope it isn't mine but its addressed in your name-"

He cut off the call throwing his phone to the side as he reached it, reading his name on the envelope he knew it had to be you, there's no way it wasn't you. He knew you.

The smile which he wore was starting to make his cheeks hurt but all he cared was about the envelope and your handwriting.

He tore the envelope taking out its content to see two letters and a sticky note fall out on his lap.

"You're still the same, you have your own unique ways of expressing."

📩 Yoon Jeonghan. I know, when you touched this letter you knew it was from me and I can imagine you smiling widely while reading this. See, how beautiful I made your world. Why Jeonghan? Why did you break me? I've been stuck up on you way more than the time we have spent together. Why did you do that?

He smiled ironically, he was breaking too, he had been stuck up on you way more than you did, you indeed made his world beautiful and he beat himself up regularly for playing with your heart.

"I love you y/n and I hope your stubborn heart would realize it soon, you don't want to accept that fact because you're scared but why would you suddenly send me a letter? It's making me feel scared, the sickening feeling inside my stomach isn't helping at all, I hope you're fine."

[euphoria-vmin7]

Heartworm | pjm

pairing: park jimin x reader

genre/warnings: childhood friends to lovers, angst (I can’t write anything else), fluff, a shit ton of cliches, non idol! au, TOO MANY FEELZ, um does black-haired jimin count as a warning? THIS IS SOME REAL DRAMATIC SHIT

words: 26,141 (omg u need to calm tf doWN REY)

--summary: maybe you shouldn’t have believed that friendships lasted forever. after all, people change and grow before choosing a path. but maybe fate can pull a few more strings for you. especially after you realize that a certain friend means more to you than you first thought.

a/n: i dont know what to say lol....idek what this is anymore. I started this at the end of september. SEPTEMBER. I wanted to publish this for his birthday but I’m a slow ass writer. plus i didn’t expect it to get this long. i just kept writing and writing and came up with this MESS soooooo.....happy jimin day?

Heartworm

heart·worm

n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished. 

***

At five years old, you hurt someone for the first time. 

But you are only five years old so you aren't as strong as you think you are. You fully intend on being intimidating, but all that comes across is a whine as you shove the chest of the boy in front of you.

You had been minding your own business, enjoying your time on the playground during your regularly scheduled recess time at preschool. You were trying your absolute hardest to use strands of grass to spell out your name on the pavement. Your tiny fingers would reach over to the patch of grass next to you and pluck out a piece before laying it gently to form the letters. A small smile played on your face and your tongue occasionally peeked past your lips in concentration. 

You felt so at ease, just as any other five year old would have felt. A light breeze blew through your short hair and the sun was high up in the sky, making it easy for you to see your own shadow crouched over the art you were creating. 

You had just gotten to the last letter when things had to go wrong. 

A soccer ball came whirling down and hit the pavement in front of you with a loud smack. The force of its impact scattered the grass you had placed on the ground and it bounced away. 

You look down at the now meaningless pieces and utter disappointment blossoms your chest. Unknowingly, your eyes began to fill with tears. You stand up with tiny fists curled at your sides, looking around for the culprit. The horrible meanie head that decided to ruin your art. 

"I got it!!" you hear someone yell and a boy bounds past you. You watch him go pick up the ball and begin walking back to his friends and anger flares in your chest. 

"HEY!" 

The boy looks at you in surprise. 

"You meanie!"

"What?" he asks in confusion. You take a good look at him. He was basically your height, with fair skin and crescent shaped eyes. He had chubby cheeks and plump lips that were curved into an awkward frown. You curl your lip in distaste. 

"You messed up my drawing!!" you yell angrily, stomping your foot on the ground. He blinked. 

"W-What drawing?" he asks, now holding the ball under his arm. 

You dramatically point at the ground where your scattered grass lay and the boy squinted. He could briefly make out the remnants of some letter of the alphabet and he turned back to you. 

"Oh sorry," he smiles sheepishly. But you weren't having it. 

"That took me a bajillion hours!! You bad poopy head!!" 

He gasps at the horrid insult. 

"I am not a poopy head!!" he yells back. 

"You are!!" 

"No I'm not!!" 

"You are!!" 

"I'm not!!" he says back, now glaring at you with a childish hand on his hip. "And your drawing is so ugly!" 

You gasp, slapping a hand over your heart as though he had physically hurt you. 

"You-!" you spluttered over your words, the anger now taking over. "You are a poopy head!!"

You step forward, placing your stubby hands on his chest and shoving him hard. The boy yelped as he lost balance, stumbling back a few steps before landing on his butt. 

His head whipped up, brows furrowed in an angry frown. 

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU’RE SUCH A BABY!!” he yelled. 

Your anger fizzled out and was instead replaced by sadness and disappointment. The fact that your grass artwork was destroyed and the way this boy was yelling at you made your lip shake. More tears started pooling in your eyes. 

“Y-You’re a bad p-people!” you whimpered pathetically, raising your chubby fists to your cheeks where tears started trailing down. The boy stood up, a frown still on his face as up picked up the ball that had slipped out of his grasp when he had fallen over. 

You, having dramatic tendencies like any five year old, started crying for real, putting your face in your palms. You heard some shuffling. 

“H-Hey now,” a small voice muttered. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry for being a poopy head. Your drawing was not ugly,” 

You raised your head slightly, your tears halting too quickly. 

“R-Really?” you sniffled. 

He smiled widely, showing off pearly white teeth with a few gaps in between. He nodded eagerly. 

“Yup!” he chirped. “The ball fell on it while we were playing. Sorry!” 

Your tears halted completely and you too beamed at him. 

“It’s okay! Wanna be friends with me??” 

“Yeah!!” he said excitedly. 

“I’m (Name)! (Last Name) (Name)!!” you smiled. “I’m five!!” 

“Ooh I’m six! And my name is Park Jimin!! Now we’re friends!!” 

***

At seven years old, you have your first crush. 

He is seven, like you, and he’s in your class. When your teacher lines up your second grade class, you hurry to stand behind him, blushing heavily and twirling your short hair around your pointer finger. 

“Jinwoo, why don’t you come solve the problem on the board?” your teacher asks sweetly and you beam as the cute boy stands up from his seat and walks up to the board. 

112 +17 = 129

His handwriting was pretty. (Though what would you know? You were still seven; even scribbles would be considered pretty to you). 

The teacher nods with a satisfied smile and Jinwoo grins proudly, making you blush from the back of the classroom. 

“Alright, that’s enough of math. Why don’t we go outside to see our butterflies for science today?” 

So, you eagerly trip over your pink sneakers and run to stand behind Jinwoo. He turns to look at you and grins at you and you turn away obviously, smiling just a bit. 

Your class, lined up neatly, begins walking through the hallways to go outside. You could count the stripes on Jinwoo’s shirt and see the slight sheen of golden in his straight brown hair. 

“We’re passing the third graders. Everyone stick to the left side!” 

You briefly tear your eyes away from Jinwoo and look to the line of slightly taller kids walking past your class. 

You catch a familiar gaze and grin. 

Park Jimin walks past you, his eyes crinkling into crescents at the sight of you. 

“Hi (Name),” he whispers as he passes. 

“Hi Jiminie,” you giggle. And then he is out of sight. 

You enjoy your time outside with the butterflies, feeling fluttery when Jinwoo laughs at them or falls into the grass along with his friends. 

Your happiness stays with you throughout recess. As you crouch down, dragging a piece of chalk across the pavement, a pair of blue sneakers run up to you. 

“Whatcha drawing?” a voice asks. You peek up and smile at Jimin. 

“A butterfly! Is it pretty, Jimin?” 

Jimin nods quickly, plopping down on the pavement. 

“Ew, Jiminie! Don’t sit on the floor! It’s dirty! You’re gonna catch germs!” you warn him, crinkling your nose in disgust. He grins toothily. 

“No I won’t!” 

But you don’t really pay attention to him. Instead, your eyes stray to where Jinwoo is kicking a soccer ball around with his friends. 

“Who ya looking at?” Jimin squints to catch the interesting sight. You don’t move and he realizes that you are indeed staring at one of those boys. 

“Why are you looking at them?” 

You look up at him with wide eyes. Your seven year old mind is racing. 

“Jiminie, you’re my bestest friend. So I’m gonna trust you and tell you a really really really big secret!” 

Jimin leans closer to you, voice quieting to a whisper. 

“What secret?” 

“You know Kim Jinwoo?” you ask him. 

“The one in your class?” Jimin inquires. You nod. “What about him?” 

“I think I….” you take a dramatic breath. “I think I love him,” 

Jimin’s hands fly to his mouth and his brows shoot up. 

“No way!! That guy?” 

You nod seriously. 

“I dreamt about marrying him,” 

Jimin’s jaws remain agape as he takes in this juicy piece of gossip. 

“Oh no! (Name), I think we’re too little to get married,” he sighs. 

“Whatever,” you dismiss. “I know I love Jinwoo and I’m going to marry him. And at my wedding, you’ll be my best man!” 

He laughs. 

“Isn’t the best man for the boy?” 

You blink before resuming your tracing on the ground. 

“Oh? Then I guess you can be my bridesmaid!” 

***

At 12 years old, it suddenly hurts to go to school. 

Perhaps it is the total disregard you had for your own image. 

Up until now, it seemed that nobody really cared about others. People were just friends no matter how one looked or dressed. 

But when you turned 12 and entered the seventh grade, everyone began to discuss being pretty and discuss cute boys and discuss who was taking who to the winter dance. 

You didn’t know it would be this way. 

So you didn’t take any care of your body image. Throughout the summer you had eaten to your heart’s content and leisurely watched as much television as you liked. Naturally, you put on a bit of weight. But you didn't necessarily know that once you turned 12 people would suddenly start expecting you to be skinny. And soon enough as the year went on, you started feeling a little bit worse whenever you looked at yourself in the mirror. You stopped wearing form-fitting clothes and instead drowned your body in bland oversized sweatshirts. Watching the girls who had the body totally pull off clothes you only aspired to wear made going to school feel like a liability. 

You push every tray of school pizza away from you despite the grumbling of your starved stomach. Looking down at it, it seemed so appetizing even with its grease, especially since you had skipped breakfast too. But one glance at the chubbiness of your thighs made you push it away without a second thought. 

That's how you had been getting by anyway. Until that day. 

A sharp smack to your shoulder made you wince. 

You quickly whipped around to see a familiar disapproving frown. 

"What the hell, (Name)?"

"What?" 

"Why aren't you eating, huh?" 

You blinked as guilt arose in your chest. Jimin's frown deepens and he quickly sits next to you. He reaches for the tray and pulls it in front of you before looking at you expectantly. 

"I don't feel like eating, Jiminie,"

He sighs. 

"Don't lie to me. You're obviously starving. Why won't you eat?" 

"Don't worry about it," you mutter, turning away from him. 

"HEY JIMIN!! C'MERE!!" a few boys were yelling from across the cafeteria. 

"You should go," you urge, nudging his elbow gently in the direction of his eighth grade friends.

“Not until you put some food in your mouth. And that doesn’t meet spit it out later!!” he scolds, crossing his arms. You pout, but do as he says. After all, you knew more than anyone, how stubborn Jimin could be. 

He smiles a bit in approval. Though his attention tears from you at the yells from his friends. 

“I gotta go. See you later, (Name)!” 

By the end of the year, you were eating meals regularly. 

***

At 15 years old, your friendships change. 

Your second year in high school had been nothing short of hell. Schoolwork had become more tedious and managing your social life became a chore. You could only wish to be one of those kids who had it all. The brains, beauty, and just the fact that everyone wanted to be around you. Unfortunately you were just average. There was nothing special about you. You could go a whole day without being at school and nobody would notice you were gone, save for the few friends you’ve acquainted over the years. You couldn’t help but keep wishing you had been likeable. 

You had been watching your friends acquire dates for school dances and bail out on hanging out with you to hang out with their significant others. But it wasn’t that big of a deal because you are still only 15 years old. 

But you also lack a close friendship. You lack a person to go to whenever you really need to rant or to cry or to laugh. 

You thought you had that, but you didn’t. 

You thought you had that in Park Jimin, but you didn’t. 

Oh, Jimin. 

The Jimin you had met in preschool had left. The Jimin you were friends with in the second grade had changed. The Jimin you knew in the seventh grade had disappeared. 

And instead in his place was this Jimin. 

This Jimin, the 16 year old Jimin, the Jimin in the junior year, wasn’t your Jimin. 

Your eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to him. This new Jimin. Just like everyone else couldn’t help but keep their eyes on him. Obviously, for he had definitely changed. 

In looks, maybe not so much. He still had the slight chubbiness to his cheeks, the same crooked front teeth, the same straight black hair, the same kind crescent shaped eyes. But he wasn’t as shy as he was as a second grader. Instead he now caught the attention of everyone around him. He was intelligent and charming. 

So naturally, he garnered positive attention. He had been his year’s class president since he was a freshman. He was one of the star members of the school Dance Team. He had won regional competitions all over Busan. He was dating Kim So Jung, one of the prettiest and most popular girls in the eleventh grade. And no, she is not one of the rude girls, but rather she is sweet and kind and intelligent. He has the best grades and plays on the Boy’s Soccer Team and he is just perfect. 

Everyone loves him. Everyone wants to be around him. 

And you are gradually forgotten. It breaks your heart. It really does. It breaks your heart that the only interaction you have with him now is an awkward smile in the halls as you pass. It breaks your heart that there are never any text messages from him, let alone calls. It breaks your heart that you cannot go to him when you need him most. 

He is not the same. Neither are you. 

He just isn’t the Jimin that you once knew. And that’s fine. People change; you know that. You cannot blame him for anything. It is not his fault. He isn’t a bad person or anything. He just has other interests and better friends. He is also older than you. Why would he prefer to spend time with a younger kid than people of his own age? 

You accept this. You decide that it is good for the both of you. It’s time you became a bit more social and enjoy yourself to the best of your ability. 

It is your sophomore year of high school that you make an important friendship. You know this friendship will last a long time. 

Your closest friend becomes Hirai Momo. She has just moved to your school and she is nothing short of a sweetheart. She is pretty and kind and loving and smart. And she is the greatest friend you could have asked for. 

You tell her everything about yourself as does she. And you are happy. Halfway through the year both of you meet Lee Jihoon. And he easily joins your little circle and you become an inseparable trio. 

Everything goes just fine, until you are assigned partners for writing a story in your Journalism class. This class, an elective, was open to all grades, and just to your luck, you got assigned to none other than Park Jimin. 

A part of you was relieved. You knew it could have been a lot worse. You could have ended up with someone you didn’t know at all. Or even worse, someone who was unkind or like a bully. 

But you got assigned to your friend. So that made you happy. 

But another part of you was slightly nervous. It had been a substantial amount of time since the two of you had spoken, and you wanted to avoid the inevitable awkwardness. But nonetheless, when you hear his name, you can’t help but smile. 

That smile faltered when you looked to Jimin. His friends were looking at him with a look of pity mixed with humor. As though they felt bad for him but also wanted to make fun of him. 

“Sorry man,” you heard one of the seniors  - Ha Sungwoon, you think his name is - mutter with a slightly sympathetic smirk. The way Jimin responds makes you almost gasp. 

“This is gonna suck,” he mutters. 

So does this mean...he is ashamed to be your partner? Or perhaps annoyed? Upset? Angry? 

Whatever the reason is, it doesn’t seem good. So when it is time for you to join him, you approach him feeling nervous, upset, and scared. 

He doesn’t say much, only a quiet “Hey,” as you take a seat. You both briefly discuss how you both will split the workload and start the project. It is quiet between you two, and you hate the fusion of tension and awkwardness in the air. You decide to be brave. You decide to be the one who tries. 

“H-How have you been?” you ask, looking up from your work to him. He doesn’t raise his head. 

“Fine,” he replies, short and quick. There is no how about you or thanks for asking. 

It is just fine. 

You are not stupid. You can understand disinterest when you see it. So you shut your mouth and continue working for the rest of class, your heart mourning the loss of a friend. 

He just packs up and leaves with his friends at the end of class, despite the two of you not finishing your work. You know that the two of you still have to discuss how you will finish. So once again you try to be brave. 

After school as you walk home with Jihoon, you whip your phone out to text Jimin. You notice that it takes a lot of time to scroll all the way down to his contact and that makes you sad. Regardless, as you find his name you type up the most formal text message you can manage, stating exactly what work you will do and what he can do and you hesitate, but click send anyway. 

You only care about your grades. Not about your partner. 

You watch the screen for a few minutes, slightly droning out Jihoon’s rambling about the girl in math class who had confessed to him earlier in the day, and await a response. 

It doesn’t come though, and your mood drops even further into a dark pit as you tuck your phone away. 

You walk with Jihoon to his doorstep, waving to his mother and politely declining her offer of snacks and head home. 

You feel weird. It was like a part of you was missing. 

Although you understood that deep inside you knew that Jimin was not going to be the same. Deep inside you had already realized that you both had drifted too far. You both had changed too much and now you knew that you would never be the same again. 

That didn’t stop it from really hurting though. 

You tried to distract yourself from thinking about him by starting up the pile of homework you had. You were sure that as you progressed into the later years of high school it would be a lot worse, but you were already so stressed. 

A couple of hours later, when you had finished graphing the last parabola, you decided to move onto Journalism. Knowing very well that you and Jimin had to work on this together, you decided to kill your suspense and check whether there had been a response from him. Turning on your phone, the home screen didn’t show any new notifications and your heart sunk. You opened up your messages and scrolled to Jimin’s name, just to check if it sent or not. Just in case. 

You wish you didn’t, because then you wouldn’t have found out the Jimin had left you on read. 

To any other person, it wouldn’t seem like much. But to you, it meant a lot. Because four years ago the two of you had promised to never leave each other on read. 

Ever. 

And sure it might have been some stupid 11 year old promise but the two of you stuck to that rule for the longest time. 

Well, I guess not anymore. 

You had lost him now. It was confirmed. Park Jimin was no longer your best friend.

In fact, he wasn’t even your friend anymore. 

You were nobody to him. 

And unfortunately, that made you cry. You cried and cried. 

People who don’t go through it wouldn’t understand the feeling. They’ll shrug it off, saying that it’s just a stupid friend. You’d find more friends, it’s not a big deal. 

But it was a big deal. 

He was your first best friend and you thought he always would be. 

Guess not. 

Your mother came home and immediately panicked seeing you in your state of tears. 

She ran to you and began to demand what was wrong and so you told her. You told her about how high school was rough and you had so much work and that you just lost Jimin and didn’t even understand why. 

“Oh honey,” she sighed with sympathy in her eyes as she rubbed your back. “I’m so sorry. I know you really cared about Jimin. I can’t believe he isn’t your friend anymore. It’s so sad,” 

You could only sniffle and nod. 

“I know it’ll take some time to get used to it, (Name). But don’t let it bring you down. You have Momo and Jihoon, right? They’re true friends,” 

She was right. 

“It might seem like it’s bad now, but you will get over it. Sometimes things don’t work out. Especially friendships,” 

***

At 17 years old, you think you are in love for the first time. He is sweet and kind and always laughing. He has a beautiful smile that lights up the room and eyes that express the happiness he always seems to feel. He is your age, with short brown hair and honey-like brown eyes. 

His name is Choi Youngjae and you can’t help but like him. 

He isn’t very popular but has a substantial amount of friends and you know that he treasures them. 

So you spend the first few months of your last year before college blushing like a schoolgirl, as embarrassing as that sounds. It can’t be helped though. 

You’ve fallen, and fallen hard. 

Jihoon thinks you are ridiculous, as he remarks almost everyday. And Momo laughs and teases you at every opportunity. You don’t mind though. In fact it makes you very happy. Because you can tell that you will have those two for the rest of your life. 

The weeks go on and all you can do is pine from afar. You like being able to do so; it reduces the stress of a confession or the likes of it. Even though a part of you is wishing to be able to date him and let him take you to the prom. But you have come to terms that it will most likely never happen and that the universe doesn't play favorites. 

But that doesn't deter your mood. With such good friends and a sweetheart for a crush you don't have much to worry about. 

Especially since you don't have to worry about seeing Park Jimin in the hallways. You don't have to worry about texting him for a Journalism project. 

Nope. None of it. 

Because Jimin had graduated last year and was probably having the time of his life in college. But you didn't want to spend time plaguing your thoughts with him. 

So instead you tried focusing on your teacher. But that didn't happen either because you were distracted once again by the familiar head of floppy light brown hair.As she assigned the next task for the class, you stood up to go sit with Jihoon as partners. 

"Okay you do these four problems and I'll do these ones," he said, pulling out his notebook and beginning to label the problems. 

You nodded half-heartedly as you begin working on the problems. 

A loud laugh cut off your train of thought and you couldn't help but smile. You knew that laugh. 

Risking a peek, you saw Youngjae laughing his ass off at something his friends had said. The same way he always did. Jihoon grinned at you knowing fully well what was on your mind. 

"Shut up," you muttered, though it was hardly serious considering the smile on your face. 

He snorted and continued working while you continued sneaking glances at your unrequited crush. 

Though, you didn't expect to be noticed. 

You almost have a seizure when Youngjae’s pretty brown eyes meet yours from across the classroom. You physically choke and began hacking and Jihoon clicks his tongue and begins smacking your back. How embarrassing. 

Though when you sneakily glance back up, Youngjae is shyly grinning at you. 

You look away to hide your smile. 

***

At 18 years old, you have your first break up. It is one month before you turn 19 and one month before you officially start college. It is nerve-wracking but also relieving because you have survived the hell known as high school. 

But that means letting go of some important people in the process. You know it’s not forever; in fact there are many methods for you to stay in touch with them. But it is sad because you know you won’t get to see them everyday like you used to. 

Your bedroom is clean, neat, and slightly bare as you survey it. Your closet is mostly empty as you have packed a majority of your clothes and transferred it to Seoul where your university is. Your father comes in and gently places a hand on your shoulder. He offers you a slightly melancholic smile and you are already missing him. 

“Ready to go?” he asks you and you nod with a soft smile, reaching up to hug him. He releases you and smiles once again before making his way out of his room. Your sister, who is going to be a freshman now, is helping your mom pack some homemade food for you, knowing very well that you will miss it. 

You take another glance around and think of all the times you’ve had in this very bedroom. 

You can remember Momo and a few other girls sitting on your bed and applying makeup for each other on the night of the senior prom. You can remember Jihoon laying on the floor with you under a horde of blankets as you watched scary movies on your computer with the lights off. You can remember playing dolls with your eight year old sister. You can remember your dad lifting you up and running around to make you feel as though you were flying. You can remember your mother gently lulling you to sleep as she read the lines of some fairytale. 

And sadly, you can remember all ages of Park Jimin playing in your bedroom. You see the six year old Jimin giggling with you when both of you are covered in mud. You see the eight year old Jimin teaching you how to dance, his chubby fingers linked with yours as he twists you around the room. You see the 13 year old Jimin sitting on your bed, a soft frown on his face as he looks down at you. His arm is securely wrapped around your shoulders and you are crying because you think you are too fat, too ugly. 

And then, 13 year old Jimin disappears into a wisp of smoke and you only then realize that you are silently crying. It is hard not to miss everything that has happened. 

You meet your roommate. She is a sweet and pretty girl named Sana Minatozaki and she is in your year. She has moved from Osaka to study in Seoul and you both decide to help each other out. 

As soon as you’re settled in, you call Momo to find out how she is doing. She is going to university in Japan, and you miss her a lot. She is still the same as always when you speak with her. You catch up, telling each other about leaving home and how the dorms were and what your campus was like. 

In the midst of the call, you add Jihoon, who is studying classical music, and talk with both of them for hours. 

A slightly sour topic is brought up. 

“Hey...how are you doing? You know…? After the…..” Momo cannot bring herself to continue, but you know what she means. It’s sweet, how much she cares for you. 

“I’m fine,” you dismiss with a wave of your hand.

“Are you sure?” Jihoon asks. “I know Youngjae meant a lot to you,” 

Ah, Youngjae. 

The first person you had ever loved. And the first boyfriend you had ever had. 

The first part of your senior year of high school was spent in dejected thoughts of an unrequited crush. But unbeknownst to you, fate was sometimes on your side. 

Well, fate had given you Youngjae, anyway. 

You didn’t see it happening. You always thought your feelings would go unnoticed. 

But it turned out that Youngjae had returned your feelings which made you the happiest a girl could be. That one day, after his friends Yugyeom and Bambam had gleefully shoved him up to you and he had shyly asked you out was one of the best days of your life. Starting then, he was yours throughout the year. 

He had been the perfect definition of a boyfriend. He had taken you on dates, helped you with homework, even took you to prom. But on your side, guilt started gnawing at your insides. As the year went on, you started feeling as though it was slightly forced. You loved Youngjae, you really did. But you didn’t feel like he was the sole reason that your life was happy and you almost felt as though you were pushing yourself through this relationship. 

It wasn’t his fault; he was nothing but a sweetheart and you loved him for everything he did. But maybe it was because you knew from early on that your relationship was going to come to an end. Youngjae wanted to go to school for Theatre and Film and you were looking into Journalism and Writing. And though both of you were planning on studying in Seoul, it still felt as though you were both traveling down separate paths. 

So, the breakup was tough. 

It had broken your heart, since you had been so in love with him for almost two years, but you knew it was for the best. Your relationship would just be too much to handle. You were both applying to different schools, had different interests, and wanted different things out of life. Besides, you wanted to first get used to college before you could maintain a steady relationship. 

You both dragged out the time leading up to the impending breakup for as long as you could. You spent the summer before college basking in each other’s company and giggling about memories that only stupid high school kids could make. It felt nice, and you suddenly remembered why you were so in love with him. 

By God, Choi Youngjae is perfect. 

But to both of you, college meant a fresh start. 

So you promised that it wasn’t goodbye. If your feelings still stayed, then maybe the future would bring you both back to each other.

Despite it all, you cry when you get home. It is a weird feeling in your chest, as though you have lost something that wasn’t quite yours. It is a nostalgic feeling, lingering somewhere in the recesses of your past subconscious, linked to someone who seems all too familiar. 

But it is kind of easy to let him go. 

That tells you one thing: 

It wasn’t really love. 

***

You celebrate your 19th birthday after 3 weeks of college. Sana, who has already become like your sister, takes you out to a restaurant that is just outside of campus. You have a lot of fun with her. She clutches her stomach as she laughs while you animatedly recall the most recent experience in your Literature class and grin at her obvious amusement. You shovel some grilled chicken into your mouth as she speaks to you. 

It is one of your best birthdays just because you feel at ease in the best way possible. Sure, there are countless assignments still waiting for you at home and you've skipped your part time job to come out tonight, but it's your birthday, and you deserve to enjoy yourself. 

The first thing that interrupts your night is loud laughter. 

Sana turns around to look at the door as a group of guys flood into the restaurant, talking loudly with one another. She turns back to you and starts up the conversation once again, ignoring the group of chattering males that take a seat in the booth by the window. You do the same, continuing with the chicken in front of you. 

"Well fuck Taehyung, I can't believe you did that!!" one of them yells in disbelief, though you can hear the grin in his voice. The voice sounds familiar, and you quickly glance to the side to see Ha Sungwoon from your high school. 

"Oh jeez," you mutter. Sana raises a brow. 

"What?" 

"I know that guy," you sigh. It's not like you had anything against Sungwoon; you had never really spoken to him. But he was his friend. 

"Which one?"

"The one in the red shirt," 

"Ah," 

You manage to drone them out and giggle as Sana talks badly about one of her professors. 

"Where is your boyfriend, Tae?" 

You look to see who is being addressed and almost spit out your drink. Because someone that attractive should not be allowed to exist. 

He has light brown hair that is parted down the side and a dark headband is wrapped around his temple, exposing his forehead. His skin is golden tan and he has dark brown eyes. His smile is the killer though; it is rectangular and you’re sure he’s charmed a million people with that smile before. 

“Shut up, hyung,” the guy mutters with a playful roll of his eyes and in the deepest voice you had ever heard in your life. “He’s my best friend, not my boyfriend. I’m straight,” 

The other man grins in response. 

“He’s probably still at the studio. You know how the idiot is about dancing,” ‘Tae’ sighs, whipping out his phone to presumably text the person in question. 

“Yup, he’s been like that for as long as I’ve known him,” Sungwoon comments. ‘Tae’ smiles softly. You turn away to look at Sana and she questions your expression. 

“People that attractive shouldn’t exist,” you mutter, jerking your head to the side. Sana laughs. 

“What, you mean Kim Taehyung?” 

“Is that his name?” you ask, genuinely curious. She nods. 

“He’s in my Filmmaking class and a second year. Really popular,” 

“I can tell. He’s way too good-looking for anyone to ignore him,” She agrees with you. “Just like you. You’re way too pretty,” you grin at her and she looks at you, appalled. 

“No way!! You’re prettier!!” 

Your jaw physically drops at her statement. 

“No way!” 

You spend the next few minutes bickering with her on the useless topic. You weren’t ugly. But you weren’t gorgeous like Sana was either. You were average. In fact, you felt as though puberty had just hit you as you graduated high school. You grew an inch or two taller and your acne had cleared up. You had grown your hair out so that it was a change from your normal short hair. But that didn’t make you much more beautiful. It’s fine; you loved yourself anyway. 

“Finally!” Sungwoon groans and you look up at the door. 

Big mistake. 

You knew that there was a chance he’d be here. You had heard from so many people that he had gone to school in Seoul. But that didn’t make it any easier to see his face. 

Park Jimin looks up from his phone, grinning at his friends. 

The amount of change you see from eighth grade Jimin is slightly shocking. 

His hair is still black, but instead of the classic ‘coconut’ hairstyle he had before, it is parted on the side, exposing his forehead and resting against his skin in fluffy strands. His skin is as clear as it’s always been (he’d always been particular about skincare) and he has grown much taller than before. While you were taller than him in middle school, now he could use your head as an armrest if he so desired. His arms were toned with muscles easily visible from the plain white T-shirt he was wearing. His muscled thighs were covered with black skinny jeans and you had to physically tear your eyes away to avoid staring. 

His smile was still the same. His eyes crinkle up into crescents when he grins at his group. 

You had gradually stopped remembering him as he moved out of your life. It had become easier to talk to him and walk by his house without waving to his mother. But now that you’re seeing him, the feeling of missing him hits you tenfold. You shakily smile at Sana as she continues to talk, thankful that she didn’t notice your moment of weakness. Though you can’t help but keep your ears open. 

Behind Jimin enters another young man who is slightly taller than him but equally as handsome. He too is very toned and he has a wide smile that brightens up the whole room.

“Oh? Hoseok hyung? I thought you said you couldn’t make it?” Taehyung grins, looking at the man behind Jimin. Hoseok shrugs. 

“Eh, I needed a break,” 

“Well don’t just stand there,” another guy at the table with Taehyung says boredly. He has mint green hair, very pale skin, and dark cat-like eyes. “Sit down,” 

Jimin walks straight past you as you turn your head to the opposite side. 

“What’s wrong?” Sana asks, leaning forward and lowering her voice to a whisper. 

“You know the one in the white T-shirt?” you ask, covering one half of your face with your palm. She nods. 

“Yeah, Park Jimin? He’s Taehyung’s best friend,” 

A sharp stab of pain hits your chest as you remember the time when that used to be you. 

“Yeah, him. We grew up together. We used to be best friends when we were younger but then…” you trailed off. Sana grew sympathetic. 

“Let me guess: he thought he’d found better friends and forgot about you?” 

“Basically,” you mutter. She waves her hand. 

“Who cares?! His loss. It’s your birthday; don’t think about that loser! Besides I get my wife all to myself now,” she winks and you grin. “Are you done with your dinner, wife?” 

You nod with a smile. 

“Yup, let’s pay,” 

She stops you. 

“AHSUSH!! WAIT A SECOND!!” then she turns to one of the staff there and nods. Then, out of nowhere, they bring out a chocolate cupcake with a single lit candle and set it in front of you. A few of the staff sing Happy Birthday, along with Sana who is screaming the song as though she wants the whole world to know that you were born today. You smile in embarrassment as she finishes the song. 

You lean forward and blow out the candle without making a proper wish. People clap and you smile at them. From your side you hear clapping too, and when you look up, both Taehyung and Hoseok are clapping. You offer a weak smile at the both of them but you can’t help yourself. 

You look to Park Jimin and meet his eyes for the first time. 

His expression is difficult to decipher. He is not smiling, nor does he smile when you look at him. He looks at you as though you are a ghost. 

You look away and smile at Sana. You do not want to ruin your birthday. 

“Thank you,” you grin at her. She nods proudly and motions for you to eat, though she too looks at Park Jimin from the corner of her eyes, and has to resist a glare. 

***

You cannot believe your luck. 

What were the odds that you would get paired up with him for a project? 

Seemingly, very high. 

Taehyung smiles at you as he approaches you after your class and bows quickly. 

“Hi! Even though we’ve been in the same class for the last four months, we’ve never talked. It’s nice to meet you! I’m Kim Taehyung,” 

You look at him warily. Why is he so nice? 

He had a reputation for being a heartbreaker… 

Nonetheless, you smile up at him awkwardly and reciprocate a lower bow. 

“Nice to meet you too. I’m (Last Name) (Name),” 

He grins. 

“I know,” 

You are tempted to ask how he knows you, but you keep your mouth shut and instead try a smile. 

“You’re a first year, aren’t you?” he makes small conversation as you start walking. You nod. 

“And you’re a second?” 

He smiles. 

“So when do you want to do this project?” you ask him, now cutting directly to the chase. He pauses to think before a small rectangular smile graces his handsome face. 

“Does this weekend work for you?” he asks and you nod. There is a lot of other work you have to do, but you would prefer to finish the project and to get away from Taehyung as soon as possible. You don’t want to risk anything with him or his best friend. His smile widens. 

“Cool. I’ll text you the address, yeah?” he asks, holding out his phone and you belatedly realize that he wants your number. You take the phone and input your digits before handing it back to him. He grins and quickly raises his phone to capture a picture of your stunned face before you can even process. 

“No!! Why did you-?! Taehyung, delete it!!” you whine, reaching forward as he stretches his hand up high. 

Curse your height. 

“I needed a contact picture!” he laughs. You groan and frown up at him. A quiet ding! sounds in your pocket and Taehyung smiles. 

“See ya Saturday, (Name)!” he tips his head and then turns around to leave as though he is the most carefree person on the planet. You are not convinced. He still has his reputation and you will not put it past him to live up to it. When you do check your phone, you can only sigh when you read ‘TAEHYUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG’ 

“Where are you going at this hour?” Sana asks from where she is sprawled across her bed. You slide your laptop into your satchel and swing it over your left shoulder. 

“I have a project for Photography so I’m meeting my partner to work on it,” you answer as you slip a pair of boots on and open the door. 

“Ah, I thought you were going on a date,” she giggles. You quickly look down to the beige sweater, black leggings and boots that make up your outfit, before quickly touching your loose hair. 

“Why? Does it look like I tried too hard?!” you ask, panicking just a little. She smiles with confusion. 

“No? I just meant you looked cute,” 

You sighed with relief. 

“Good. My partner is Kim Taehyung and I do not need him to think that I’m into him,” you say, shutting your eyes with slight frustration. Sana snorts with amusement. 

“Kim Taehyung?” she grins. “Oh, good luck with that, babe,” 

“Thanks,” you respond with a playful roll of your eyes and bid her goodbye before shutting the door behind you. As you walked out of your dorm building, you pulled up the address Taehyung had sent you yesterday. You had assumed that he would have invited you to his dorm or something similar, but from the minimal knowledge you had about your college, it didn’t seem like this address was on campus. Perhaps some cafe or library where you two could work without disturbance? You shrugged it off and started the walk, seeing that it took about 15 minutes and mentally prepared yourself for Kim Taehyung’s personality. 

After around 20 minutes of walking, you are shocked to find yourself face to face with an apartment building. It looks decent, not too dilapidated nor too lavish. It seems cozy and has a warm feeling to it that you can’t quite explain. Nonetheless, you are wary and do not want to enter the wrong place so you shoot Taehyung a quick text. 

(Name): am I at the right place??

You start pacing as you await an answer, too nervous to go to the door. After a few minutes, you get too impatient and call him instead. Three rings pass and then: 

“Ah (Name)? Sorry, I didn’t see your text!! Wait, imma open the door and if you see me, you’re in the right place!!”

You heard some muffled shouting and shuffling before the door was wrenched open and there stood a beaming Kim Taehyung. You disconnected the call and couldn’t help the small smile when he started excessively waving at you. You walked up the stairs and followed him as he began speaking. 

“Did you get here okay?” 

“Mhm,” you nod. “Thanks for asking. Is this your apartment?” 

“Eh sorta,” he grins. “I have a friend, Seokjin, who’s in his final year. This is technically his apartment. But me and a couple other guys live here too. We all pitch in for costs and rent and stuff,”

“Ohhh,” you acknowledge. “Makes sense,” 

“Yeah,” he smiles. “It’s real fun. Instead of one roommate, I have six,” 

He leads you to a door, opens it, and you are hit with an influx of shouting. A pile of shoes spills out of a closet and the smell of noodles wafts through the air. Despite the clear lack of cleanliness, you grin as you hear the boyish voices around the apartment. It must be nice, living together like this. Taehyung notices your grin and smiles to himself. 

“They’re all really nice, don’t worry,” he eases and you smile at him. 

“I’m not worried at all,” 

“Good,” he grabs your hand and tugs you forward. 

“Taehyung? Is that you?” a voice calls and from the kitchen emerges the most handsome man you had ever seen in your life. He had to be some kind of movie star or model because he literally had the most aesthetically pleasing face ever. He catches your eyes and smiles kindly. 

“Oh hello,” he greets. 

“Hello,” you bow and you can’t help but smile back at him. He just emits friendliness. 

“(Name), this is Seokjin. This is his apartment,” 

“Sorry for intruding, Seokjin,” you smile apologetically and he waves you off with the spatula in his hand. It’s then that you notice the Kiss the Cook apron he’s wearing. Except he's crossed out the Cook and wrote Worldwide Handsome in black Sharpie. What a fitting nickname. 

“It’s nothing at all. You wanna stay for dinner?” he asks and you’re tempted to say yes just by smelling the food cooking in the kitchen. Taehyung answers for you.

“Most probably yes,” he interjects and you look at him with a raised eyebrow and try to protest. “Oh shush, kid,” he swats a hand by your face. 

“I’m a year younger than you!” you argue. 

“Younger,” Taehyung stresses and you groan. Seokjin grins at the two of you and turns to go back to his cooking. 

“Well, get to work kiddos,” 

Taehyung leads to you the living room where three men are stationed. The first two look familiar and you realize that you had seen them at the restaurant back when you first saw Taehyung. One of them is lazily draped across the sofa and has the same mint hair and cat-like eyes that you remember. The second is leaning against the couch and scrolling on his phone. He is the one with the bright smile, you recall. The third is the one you haven’t seen. He looks to be your age and he’s wearing very oversized black clothing. He sits on the floor in front of the TV with a remote control in his class. 

“That’s Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung, and Jeongguk who’s in your year,” Taehyung points to each of them respectively. Yoongi looks up at you and nods with a small smile, which you reciprocate. Hoseok catches your eyes and grins. 

“Ah! Birthday girl?” he points and you groan with a playful smile. 

“Oh you remember that? That’s embarrassing,” 

He laughs, a sound you decide you like a lot and you smile cheekily. The last one, Jeongguk, looks up at you and smiles, and you suddenly think of a bunny. 

“Oh? You’re in my year? Cool,” he grins and you smile back. 

“Overwatch?” you ask, pointing to the screen and his smile widens. 

“Yeah,” he nods. “You play?” 

You shake your head no. “I have no clue how to,” 

“Well, Jeongguk can teach you the next time you come over,” Taehyung says, now pulling you in the direction of his room. You raise a brow. 

“Bold of you to assume there’ll be a next time,” 

Hoseok and Jeongguk laugh, the latter inputting a playful “She got you, hyung!”

Taehyung grins at you. 

“You won’t be able to stay away, sweetheart,” 

You scoff with a smile, slightly amazed that you’re already this comfortable with these guys. 

“Ah, which one of you idiots touched my computer?!” an irritated voice yells from down the hall. A door is wrenched open and out storms another man who is like eight feet tall. Okay, not really, but he is very tall. Much taller than you. 

“It was Jin hyung,” Jeongguk comments, not taking his eyes off of the screen. The man’s shoulders relax. 

“Damn, I can’t even yell at him. Hyung, please don’t touch my computer!” 

“YAH!! IT WASN’T ME THAT BRAT IS SETTING ME UP!!” you hear Seokjin yell angrily from the kitchen and when you catch Jeongguk’s grin, you can’t help but laugh. Namjoon glares at Jeongguk, who flashes such cute puppy eyes, you almost melt yourself. Namjoon groans. 

“Okay fine I’m letting you off this time,” he warns. “But next time…” he lets his threat hang in midair, but even Jeongguk doesn’t seem to take it seriously. The tall man looks to you then and smiles. His dimples, you notice, are extremely cute. 

“Sorry you had to hear all of that,” he apologizes. “I’m Namjoon,” 

You grin at him. “No worries. It was quite entertaining. I’m (Name),” 

“Well if you’re gonna come around here often, you’ll get used to it,” Namjoon comments cheekily and you laugh. 

“C’mon (Name). We should probably start working,” Taehyung smiles and you wave goodbye to the other boys as Taehyung leads you to his room. When you enter, you are a bit surprised by what you see. You never expected Kim Taehyung to be so...artistic. 

Paintings litter on one half of the room, assumably Taehyung’s side. A saxophone rests against the wall and polaroids are stuck to the walls. You can’t help but smile. The other half of the room is a bit different. A laptop and multiple notebooks are scattered across the bed and there is a whole shelf of novels that you are dying to explore. 

“Do you share a room with one of them?” you ask Taehyung, who nods. 

“Namjoon hyung,” 

You smile as you study the room and realize that these boys are probably so different from each other.  

Taehyung tells you to take a seat and the two of you began to work. 

You notice that Kim Taehyung is very easy to talk to. His reputation, it isn’t as bad as people say. He doesn’t seem like a heartbreaker and in fact, comes off as someone who values love a lot. Especially after the conversation you have with him. 

“So…” he comments randomly as he pulls up images. “You interested in someone?” 

You can’t help but be playful. “Why? Already like me?” 

“Maybe~” he grins. 

“But to answer your question, nope!” you chirp. “At least not yet. I mean I just ended a relationship before the year started,” 

“Ah,” Taehyung acknowledges. “I just finished a relationship two weeks ago,” 

“Oh?” you ask and you are about to recoil because you suddenly see the “fuckboy” Taehyung everyone talks about. You remember the rumors about how Kim Taehyung was dumping yet another girl. You remember pitying the girl he had been with and pitying all of the girls he had been with before vowing that you would never show remorse for a man like that. But he stops your thoughts with his next words. 

“Yeah, she wasn’t right for me,” he sighs, looking down and you think he looks genuinely upset. “I wish I could just fall in love already,” 

You blink. “What do you mean? If you didn’t love her, why date her?” 

“Well,” he sighs. “It’s like this. Why did you date your ex if you clearly could let him or her go?” he asks, looking up at you. You stop to think but he answers for you. “Because you didn’t really love them. Maybe you thought that you did, but if you really did, you wouldn’t be able to leave them,” 

His words are intelligent and accurate and you know it. 

“The same happens to me. I think I get interested in girls easily. Maybe because I admire people too much or I find myself liking their personalities. And no, it’s not because I just want to sleep with them like everyone says. I genuinely care for the girls I sleep with because I did genuinely think I loved them,” he admits and you listen attentively because as much as you don’t want to believe it, Kim Taehyung is telling the whole truth. “So yeah, maybe people think that I’m some kind of fuckboy and I sleep around too much. But I have never once dated a girl with the intention of getting in her pants. I’ve always dated a girl because I loved her but I break up with them because I realize that I was wrong,” 

You want to protest against everything he has revealed but it all makes so much sense and it is all too relatable. Why did you break up with Youngjae if you really loved him? And if you really did love him, you wouldn’t let distance or separate interests be a reason for breaking up with him. If anything, you’d fight to stay with him. Right? 

So you smile up at Kim Taehyung and say: “I understand,” 

It doesn’t seem likely, but after that conversation, it is so much more easier to talk to Taehyung. As you both organize the snapshots across the floor, you animatedly recall something funny that happened in high school and he eagerly recounts an embarrassing experience from a middle school play. You laugh and giggle and you wonder how someone so sweet can have such a bad reputation. You are happy to have made a friend. A few hours later, Seokjin’s voice calls for both of you to come for dinner. It is then that you realize it is nearing 9:00. You have stayed very late, but you don’t really want to leave. If Taehyung is as nice as this, you are curious to get to know the other boys. So when he asks if you want to stay for dinner, you shyly agree. When you walk to the table, you take a seat in between Taehyung and Jeongguk and look to Seokjin. 

“I’m really sorry again for intruding, Seokjin,” you say sheepishly to the eldest. He clicks his tongue. 

“Oh, stop apologizing and eat, kid,” his casual tone makes you grin and do as he says. Dinner is filled with bickering and laughs, and it evokes a fuzzy feeling in your chest. So, this is what it’s like to be best friends? Best friends that are close like family. The feeling stays as Seokjin starts berating Namjoon for breaking his cup and as Jeongguk accidentally splashes chili paste on Hoseok’s shirt. You are so happy. Seokjin packs up some leftovers as Jeongguk whines for dessert. He wants ice-cream, and as soon as he says it, you start craving it, too. It doesn’t take much for the male with the bunny smile to convince you, and then you join in on the pestering of the eldest. He gives in eventually, despite his protests, but ends up piling the most scoops into his bowl, ignoring Jeongguk’s cheeky smirk. 

“What time do you have to leave, (Name)?” Yoongi asks as he seats himself on the couch, watching you shove a spoonful of ice-cream into your mouth with a small smile. 

“Well, I technically should have left way earlier,” you admit and the mint-haired male chuckles. 

“Wanna stay for a bit longer? We normally watch movies on Saturday night no matter how stupid they are,” Yoongi doesn’t seem like the type to really enjoy spending time around new people, so you are very flattered at his words and agree to watch with them. 

“I probably won’t stay for the whole movie though,” 

“Just stay for a bit then,” the second-eldest mutters, cuddling into a blanket and Hoseok laughs from his spot on the floor. 

“Wow, Yoongi hyung must really like you, (Name). He’s never this nice,” 

Yoongi shoots him a withering glare. “Well she’s definitely less annoying than you are,” 

Seokjin, Jeongguk, and Taehyung laugh at his statement and you can vaguely hear Namjoon complaining about the tiny bit of ice-cream you all had left for him.

Soon enough, you all are settled and Up is playing on the screen. Jeongguk has volunteered to share his ice-cream with Namjoon, which is funny because he seems like he doesn’t share very often. You can’t help but smile as you hear Taehyung sniffle when Ellie dies and Yoongi yells an exasperated: “You cry at this scene every time! We literally just watched this movie last month!”

You cannot wait to tell Sana how happy these boys make you feel. 

About half way through the movie, when your bowls are all cleaned and you are sleepily leaning against Taehyung’s shoulder, you hear the sound of the front door open. 

“Finally,” Seokjin complains. “It took you long enough. Why do you even live here? You might as well live in the studio, you punk!!” 

A tinkling laugh rings from the hallway and you hear the shoe closet close. 

“Ah, you know I wouldn’t be able to live without you guys~” a voice sings, and you can hear the smile in it. It is very familiar and you know it and your heart speeds up and you want to leave. Footsteps approach the living room and you hold your breath. 

“We wouldn’t miss you,” Yoongi comments, eyes still trained on the movie. The person laughs again. 

“Love you too, Yoongi hyung,” 

And in walks the one reason everything will be ruined. In walks Park Jimin, in all his smiling glory. Your chest constricts and you have to remind yourself who this is. He is grinning though you can see the fatigue in his body. He is wearing a black T-shirt that is slightly damp from sweat and his black hair is messy across his forehead. His eyes shine with mischief and the feeling of nostalgia rises in your chest until it suffocates you. His kind brown eyes-like chocolate they are-scan the scene in front of him with indescribable softness. He is looking at his entire world. Until he stops at you. You wish you could disappear when you see that expression change. The light leaves his eyes and his pretty smile drops. His lips part and his shoulders sag and you feel almost ashamed without a reason. 

“You missed hanging out with (Name), Jiminie,” Taehyung says innocently and you have to stop the gasp. Jiminie. Jiminie was your nickname for him.

“(Name), this is the last member of our little family, Jimin. Jimin, this is (Name),” 

You can’t bring yourself to speak and neither, it seems, can he. He looks away from your misting eyes, and you have to swallow the growing lump in your throat. (Name), you idiot. Why are you so upset?

“It’s nice to meet you, Jimin,” you mumble and his head shoots up to look into your eyes and you feel exposed and fake and disgusting. But why? You didn’t throw away this friendship. He did.

You don’t wait for his answer and instead throw the blanket off of your knees before standing up quickly. Jeongguk, who had been sitting at your feet, raises a brow. 

“Where are you going, (Name)?” 

You laugh awkwardly, your voice becoming thick with unshed tears. 

“Sorry, Jeongguk. It’s really late and my roommate is pretty worried. Plus, I said I’d stay for dinner and now the movie’s practically done. I should head back home,” you make up a lame excuse and want to kick yourself for throwing away your time with these boys. “Thank you guys for having me,” 

“You can stop by anytime,” Seokjin says gently, standing up and helping you drown out Taehyung’s whining for you to stay. “I mean it, kid,” 

Though his smile drops a little when he sees the liquid pooling in your eyes. “Hey, are you--?” 

“I’ll try to stop by whenever I can,” you smile, trying to mask every single stupid thought in your head. “Thank you, Seokjin,”

You try to get him to drop the topic when you utter those words, hoping it gets through to him. He studies your face, his eyes worried, but seems to get it and nods. 

“Of course,” 

“Bye guys,” you say, and then turn to the door, not bothering to listen to their farewells. You pass by Jimin, but don’t meet his eyes. You don’t have the courage. 

You can’t help but cry to Sana when you open the door of your dorm room. You can’t relay any of the positive things that had occupied your evening but instead you spill everything about the one negative thing. Sana tries to calm you but she can now see how one measly friendship has affected your whole life. But she poses two questions that are important and make you think: “Do you really think that your friendship with Jimin should affect how you are with the other boys? Is it really worth it?”

And she is right, it is not worth it. You will not let go of six sweet people for one person who didn’t keep an unspoken promise. And with that vow to yourself, you drift off to sleep, your dreams filled with cat-like eyes, bunny smiles, and dimples. 

You are not surprised when Kim Taehyung takes a seat next to you after class on Monday, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“What happened on Saturday, (Name)?” he asks and you don’t really know how to respond. 

“What do you mean?” you chuckle awkwardly. “I told you I had to leave,” 

“Bullshit,” he dismisses and you sigh. “You were upset. What is it about Jimin that makes you upset?” You look at him with wide eyes and he breathes out. “I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t notice…” 

You gulp at the slightly upset expression on his face. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have brought you home without telling you about the guys. I just assumed that there wouldn’t be any problems and I-” 

It takes you a minute to realize that he is blaming himself and you hurry to stop him. 

“No no, Taehyung! It’s not your fault or anybody else’s fault, okay?” He doesn’t look very convinced, but then in the softest voice he can muster, he puts a hand on your shoulder and asks “What is it, (Name)? What’s wrong?” 

And you trust him. You really do. “Let’s go get some coffee. I’ll tell you everything,”

So you spend about two hours sitting across from Taehyung as he listens intently. He takes small sips from his hot chocolate as you tell of the childish Park Jimin you had come to rely on. He watches you trace indistinguishable patterns on the cup of your caramel macchiato as you recount the heartbreak you had felt when Park Jimin disappeared from your life altogether. At the end of your story, you sit in front of him, feeling miserable and wondering why you ranted about Park Jimin to his best friend. You’re half expecting Taehyung to yell at you and tell you that he never wants you near him or the boys again. But, as usual, Kim Taehyung is full of surprises. 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, (Name),” Taehyung says sympathetically. “Jimin can really be an idiot sometimes,” 

You scoff out a laugh. “Tell me about it,” 

“And what he did was horrible,” Taehyung continues. “But I promise you from the bottom of my heart that Jimin is not a bad person. From what you told me, I think he genuinely cared about you,” 

“Then why did he just cut me off like that?” you question. 

“Listen, I’m not gonna defend what he did. It was stupid and immature. But I think most teenagers are at that age. I mean, the fact that he continued to be your best friend throughout middle school just shows that he cared about you. And maybe once he went to high school, he just found new friends. Maybe he didn’t mean to cut you off but it was just hard to reconnect with you. And if he did do it purposefully, it was probably because of peer pressure. At that age, a guy and a girl can’t be just friends. It always means there’s something more. Maybe he was trying to avoid that. And I know that doesn’t give him an excuse and that doesn’t make it right. I’m just trying to give you some closure and help you figure out why it happened. I mean I’m sure there's been a time where you’ve been influenced by those around you,” You think back to seventh grade and nod hesitantly. Taehyung smiles sadly. 

“I’m not telling you to forgive him. Heck, I’m not even telling you to forget about it. But I don’t want this thing to affect you like this. I don’t want you to come over and be reminded of what happened. And I don’t want to see you upset like that everytime you see his face. Whether you like it or not, you’re with us now. Don’t let one friendship define how the rest of your friendships will be,” he finishes and you don’t even realize that you’re tearing up until you are hugging him with everything in your being. “And who knows, maybe if you show that what happened doesn’t bother you, that idiot Park Jimin might get some sense knocked into him and realize what kind of a friend he missed out on,”  

You manage a smile and nod, knowing that Kim Taehyung is right. Both he and the other boys are worth it. 

The following weekend seems almost like deja vu. Sana once again is sprawled across her bed watching you carefully as you tug on a knitted sweater over your black jeans. This time, there is no need for a bag so you just tuck your wallet and phone into your back pockets as you smooth down your hair. 

"And where are you going, missy?" Sana asks as she pulls up the latest show on Netflix that she had been invested in. 

"I'm going to hang out with Taehyung and the other guys at their house," you reply and catch her brow raise. 

"I knew you'd fall for Taehyung eventually," she sighs and you laugh. 

"I haven't," you grin. "Don't worry. You know I would never leave you," 

"You'd better not," she laughs as you tug on your boots and walk to the door. "Text me if you decide to come home or not!” 

You feel confident and not too nervous and you walk to Seokjin’s apartment. In fact, you are sort of excited. You are excited to hang out with the boys and you are excited to look into Park Jimin’s eyes and show him that you are not hurt by him. You want to get past this. You don’t have the intention to make him feel guilty about what he did. How can you blame someone for finding new friends? It is a natural process. And sure it hurt a lot, but no matter what, you still care about Jimin and you can’t bring yourself to hate him just because he isn’t your best friend anymore. With those thoughts in mind, when you reach Seokjin’s apartment, you don’t hesitate to knock on the door. From inside you hear the man yell: “(NAME)’S HERE GET THE DOOR!! JEONGGUK-AH OPEN THE DOOR!!”

You can’t help but grin at the eldest’s words, and smile wider when you come face to face with Jeongguk’s beaming face. 

“You made it!” he smiles, and opens the door wider for you to enter. You nod. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t stay away,” you reply and his bunny-like grin turns into a smirk. 

“You like me that much, huh?” You blanch at his statement before giggling. 

“Wow, you sound exactly like Taehyung,” 

He laughs. “Yeah, but I’m way hotter,” 

You nod with a serious expression. “Way hotter,” 

The two of you walk into the living room where Hoseok and Namjoon greet you. It is easy for you to relax with them. You plop on the couch and begin to complain to them about the annoying boy who sits next to you in Journalism and smile when Seokjin starts cursing him out. 

“Hey, where’s Yoongi?” you ask, missing the mint-haired man’s occasional snide remarks.

“Probably producing some shit at the studio,” Seokjin replies and tosses you his phone. “Call him,” 

You grin and do as told, once Namjoon told you that Seokjin’s password was 1234. You scroll for Yoongi’s contact and call him, putting him on speaker. 

“Hyung, you know I’ll be home soon,” his voice says from the other end. 

“I’m not your hyung~” you grin. 

“Oh, hey (Name),” 

“Hey Yoongi,” 

“Are you at the house right now?” 

“Yeah, I kinda missed you so I wanted to see what you were up to,” 

“Is this just a way to get me to stop my work?” 

“I don’t know, is it working?” 

“.....You sound exactly like Jeongguk when he calls to get me home,” 

The male mentioned winks at you and you snigger. “Are you coming or what, hyung?” Jeongguk yells into the phone and Yoongi sighs. 

“Fine, I’ll be there soon,”

The line goes dead before you can get another word in and you laugh. 

“You know, he acts like he hates us but I’m 100 percent sure he loves spending time with us,” Taehyung says and the others easily agree. The front door then opens and you hold your breath. It’s Jimin. 

Except instead of the smiling male, a pretty girl walks in. She is most definitely older than you, with her straight brown hair and bangs covering her forehead. 

“Hey guys,” she greets, tucking her keys into her purse. 

“Hey noona,” Jeongguk replies, his eyes glued to Overwatch just like the last time you visited. 

“Is that Eunji?” Seokjin asks and she laughs. 

“Yes! Hi, Seokjin!!” 

He yells back a greeting and she looks at you and smiles. 

“Hi, I’m Jung Eunji, nice to meet you,” she introduces politely and you reciprocate. 

“I’m (Last Name) (Name). It’s nice to meet you too,” you smile. 

“She’s in my year,” Jeongguk comments and Eunji nods. 

“Cool, I’m in Yoongi’s year,” at your acknowledgment she smiles once again. “I’ll be right back,” 

As soon as she leaves, you turn to Taehyung, who looks a bit irritated. “Is that Yoongi’s girlfriend?” you ask, and Taehyung laughs as the front door opens. This time, it really is Jimin. He looks different from last week. His eyes are sunken in and he looks like he will pass out any time soon. But he is still handsome, and manages a small smile. 

“Jiminie? Is that you?” Eunji calls from down the hall before she approaches him. And there is the use of your old nickname once again. “Hey baby,” she whispers as she walks up to him and places a hand on his cheek. 

“Hey noona,” he mumbles, closing his eyes at her touch. 

“Nope,” Taehyung mutters from your left in response to your previous question. “She’s Jimin’s girlfriend,” 

And when you look to the scene in front of you, watching Eunji press her lips to Jimin’s gently, you feel an overwhelming disappointment rise up in your chest. It appears out of nowhere, rising and rising until it settles as a hard lump in the back of your throat. The feeling is faintly familiar, lingering in the crevices of your subconscious, a memory that does not want to be revisited. 

“Oh,” you mutter. It is all you can manage and Taehyung doesn’t say anything about your tone. If he notices, he doesn’t choose to comment on it. 

“Jeez, babe,” Eunji mumbles, dragging her thumb across the bags under Jimin’s eyes. “How long have you been working yourself?” 

Jimin doesn’t reply as his eyes settle on you. You feel your hands start to sweat, but remember the pep talk you had given yourself earlier. You give him a small, unsure smile and he continues to look at you. Eunji doesn’t seem to be expecting a reply either, because she wraps her arm around Jimin’s waist and starts walking him towards his room. 

“C’mon, you should at least take a nap,” you hear her voice fade as she shuts the bedroom door. Your shoulders sag unknowingly. You hear Taehyung scoff as Seokjin walks into the living room with food. 

“Oh Kim Taehyung, you big baby,” he rolls his eyes, munching on some Doritos. “Stop it now,” 

“Stop what?” you ask, looking between the two. Taehyung’s brows are furrowed and he sticks his lips out into a pout. 

“I can’t help it. I don’t like her,” he whines. Hoseok rolls his eyes as he watches Jeongguk play, the black-haired male also listening in on the conversation. 

“She’s a sweetheart,” Hoseok sighs as you hear the front door open once again. Yoongi walks in, looking tired as hell. He throws his bag in the corner and plops next to Namjoon, who is intently reading, while running his hand through his mint-green hair. 

“She seems pretty nice,” you agree, looking at the male next to you. 

“Yeah, I know,” Taehyung mutters dejectedly. “I just--...you really don’t see how they don’t go together?” 

“You’re the only one who really has a problem with it,” Seokjin shrugs. “Besides, Jimin’s an adult. He can take care of himself,” 

“I guess,” Taehyung sighs. “They’re just….I don’t know…” 

“How long have they been dating?” you ask, trying to keep your tone light. 

“Like six months?” Yoongi answers. “They started dating around when school started,” 

“Yeah, and they haven’t really had any problems yet. I don’t see why you’re so skeptical of her, Tae,” Namjoon inputs. 

“The thing that bothers me is that Jimin always tells me who he’s interested in. And he’s the type of person to take his time falling for someone. He wants time to really know them before he asks them out and stuff. But he never mentioned that he was interested in Eunji,” Taehyung tries reasoning. Jeongguk seems to understand. 

“It seemed kinda impulsive, right? To date her?” the ravenette asks and Taehyung eagerly nods. 

“That’s exactly right!” 

Yoongi ponders this. “Yeah I can see where that’s coming from. But we don’t really have any choice. He’s obviously still into the idea of dating her so we might as well live with it,” 

That night as you head home after finishing Iron Man 2 with the boys (it had been Jeongguk’s turn to pick), you thought back to what went on. Jimin had never joined you all and at first you had feared it was because you were there, but Eunji informed you all that the man was just too tired and had been overworking himself throughout the last week. She then joined you and for some reason, your mind kept looking for things to dislike about her. Maybe her voice or her hairstyle. You couldn’t find one flaw and you instead you find yourself wanting to talk with her and laugh with her. She seems like a great girl, and you are thankful that your best friend has someone like her, even if he is not your best friend anymore. 

Months pass by as the last flurries of snow fall to the ground and the first buds of the spring season began to grow from their soil. You continue to hang out with the boys, getting closer and closer to them until you’ve adopted one of Jeongguk’s sweaters as your own and Seokjin has given you your own mug for whatever you want to drink. You don’t see much of Jimin around the house, since he does practically live at the studio. Taehyung tells you that he has a very important dance competition coming up at the end of the year, so he wants to work hard. You are a bit surprised to hear that it is for hip hop. The Jimin you knew used to do contemporary dance. 

But Jimin working hard does not mean you don’t see him. The first time where all of you had hung out, it had definitely felt awkward. Neither of you could start a conversation with one another. But you decide to be brave and just smile at him, gradually moving to ask how his day was, even as you feel Taehyung’s proud smile on you. The black-haired male is surprised, you can see, but he manages to smile back at you and be polite. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

This time around, Sana is dressing up with you. “Too much?” she asks, pulling a sparkling red dress out of the closet. You laugh. 

“Yeah, too much. It’s a party at a house, Sana. People will literally show up in jeans,” you grin as you slip on a ruffled long-sleeved dress. 

“True,” she shrugs and pulls out a much more simpler skirt and top to which you flash a thumbs up. After getting dressed, you and Sana go to the house where the party is taking place, Ha Sungwoon’s house, you think. The boys had all told you to come. The house is filled with people and music echoes out of the opened doors. This is your first official party and you can’t help but be a little nervous. Sana is surely the same, so you both cling to each other until you can find some familiar faces. You see quite a few people in your year and in your classes, but you are only, at most, acquaintances, and so you do not want to bother them. Sana finds a few girls she knows, Nayeon and Jeongyeon you think their names are, and tugs you to them. You try to make small talk with the girls, knowing fully well that they are sweet, but you feel out of place. So all while soothing Sana’s worried concerns, you slip away from the trio and begin searching for the boys. You first catch sight of Taehyung, who is sitting on a couch looking extremely bored as a girl tries to chat him up. You want to laugh at his expression, but take pity on the guy and saunter up to both of them before grabbing his arm. 

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you~” you bat your eyelashes up at the male, who’s unimpressed expression tinges with realization. The corners of his lips twitch upwards and his eyes flicker towards the confused female who had been flirting with him. 

“Ah sorry baby. Let’s get you a drink, hm?” he gets up and tugs you out of eyesight as fast as he can while you chuckle. He is laughing happily when he turns to face you. “You are a savior sent by heaven, (Name). Thank you,” 

“Hey no need to thank me. Can’t have my best friend not getting that perfect love he’s always talking about,” you laugh but Taehyung stares at you, his eyes softening and a gentle smile overtaking his handsome face. “What?” you giggle. 

“You called me your best friend,” 

You pause. You did, didn’t you? You refused to have a real best friend after what happened and how much it affected you, but there, you went and said it. You said it to Kim Taehyung and you feel great about it. 

“Yeah, I guess I did. Love you, Tae Tae,” you say, and he smiles so wide it basically blinds you. Your heart feels like it’s mending. It feels nice. Taehyung is glomping you in the next second, very happy. So much that you can feel his smile radiating off of him. 

“Ok, let’s actually get drinks,” Taehyung grins and tugs you off into the crowd. A bit later, you find a comfortable seat with your drink, slightly away from the main crowd but close enough to ensure you don’t look awkward, since Taehyung said he was going to go find Namjoon. You watch Seokjin loudly playing a very uncoordinated version of Beer Pong as the people around him cheer him on, and you can’t help but laugh. Soon enough, Jeongguk joins you and helps you laugh at the eldest as the two of you take slow sips of your drinks. You began to chat with him, finding comfort and familiarity in the male’s presence. In the midst, he gets up and gets you a refill and as you down the drink you start to feel just a bit tipsy, but nothing too dangerous. After your third drink...or was it fourth? Well anyway, after drinks, you and Jeongguk are stumbling around like hyperactive third graders. The two of you end up plopping down on stools and Jeongguk puts his head on the counter, grinning sleepily. 

“Are you drunk, Gukkie~?” you tease, unaware that you are just as drunk. 

“Nah,” he slurs. “I’m a man. Men don’t get drunk,” 

“You’re still a babyyy~~~” you tease, ruffling his wavy hair and he frowns. 

“You’re my age, (Name),” he retorts as his eyes start shutting. 

“Are you sleepy?” you suddenly whisper, leaning close to him with wide eyes. 

“Nah,” he mutters. “I’m a man. Men don’t get sleepy,” 

You giggle, but when you look back, Jeongguk is fast asleep. You sigh and smile at the male, not having it in you to leave him alone. You start taking slower sips from your drink and scroll through Instagram to kill time. In your drunk state, you manage to take shaky videos of Jeongguk mumbling nonsense in his sleep, knowing that it would serve for great blackmail material in the near future. You’re about to text Taehyung to tell him that you want you leave when someone plops in the seat next to you. You blink in surprise at Park Jimin’s figure. He turns to you and gives you an almost smile.  

“Jeonggukie giving you trouble?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink. You shake your head. 

“Nah. He’s been asleep for a while. I didn’t really want to leave him alone,” you answer, feeling slightly nervous. Though, the alcohol in your system is not filtering many of your words. “I was just gonna text TaeTae and tell him that I was way too bored,” 

Jimin chuckled. “What? This party isn’t fun enough for you?” 

“Hell no. What’s so fun about a bunch of sweaty drunk people making out with each other?” You take a big gulp of your drink as Jimin laughs. “Where’s Eunji?” 

Jimin’s chocolate orbs roam around the room. “Not sure. I think she was with her friends the last I checked,” 

You make a sound of acknowledgment before the conversation dies down and an awkward silence ensues. You are contemplating getting up and making a beeline for Taehyung, who is standing on a table and loudly singing Fiction by Beast, but someone decides to break the silence.  

“Oh my god, (Last Name) (Name), is that you??” a feminine voice rings out. You look up to see a familiar face and smile. 

“Somin!” you greet excitedly, looking at the girl in front of you. “How have you been??” 

She grins. She hasn’t changed much since high school except that she has dyed her hair blonde.

“I’ve been good!! I had no idea that we went to the same college!!” 

“Me neither! Small world, huh?” you laugh. She nods. 

“So what’s new?” she asks. “Are you still dating Youngjae?” 

She is being polite, but you still at the bitter subject. She sees your expression and hesitates. 

“It...was Youngjae, right? You dated him when we were seniors?” 

You chuckle awkwardly. 

“Yeah…” you rub your palms together. “Yeah, we dated but we broke up before summer ended,” 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” she looks genuinely apologetic and you laugh, waving a hand dismissively. 

“It’s fine,” 

Her eyes move to Jimin and she smiles. 

“Oh, hello...Jimin right? You were in the grade above us?” 

Jimin is very quiet, looking at you with an unreadable expression but he soon smiles at her politely. 

“Yes I was,”

She smiles at him and then turns to you. 

“Well it was nice seeing you! We should catch up later!!” 

You nod eagerly and wave goodbye to her. After she leaves, you have no idea how to start up a conversation with Jimin. He is looking off into the distance in deep thought. You take another gulp of your drink. 

“(Name), I feel hella drunk…” Jeongguk groans from your side. You laugh loudly. 

“You are drunk, Gukkie~” 

“So are you,” he mumbles. 

“You’re drunkerer than I am,” you grin proudly and Jimin snorts from your other side. 

“Not a real word, (Name),” 

“Yes it is!!” you pout at him, feeling more talkative than you had in a while. 

“Oh really?” 

“Yup, any word that I make is real!!” you giggle and Jimin chuckles with a shake of his head. 

“(NAME) I DARE YOU TO LICK YOUR ELBOW!!” Jeongguk randomly yells, shaking both of your shoulders back and forth. 

“You can’t--” Jimin starts but pauses when he sees you rolling up your sleeve. “(Name), you can’t be serious...” 

And then you proceed to put every fiber of your being into licking your elbow. You obviously are failing, and Jimin can’t help but laugh. Neither can Jeongguk. 

“You try it then!” you yell with an indignant pout before downing the rest of your drink. The bunny-like male smirks confidently. 

“Fine, sweetheart. But I’m the fucking Golden Maknae!” he yells as he pulls off his jacket and hands it to you. He attempts licking his elbow and Jimin is so entertained by the struggle of the self-assured male. 

“Golden Maknae??” you ask in the most confused voice ever. Then you break out into a fit of raucous laughter. “That’s the stupidest nickname I’ve ever heard!!” 

Jeongguk stops licking air and looks at you with the most appalled expression and Jimin loses all sense of self-composure as he starts laughing. 

“You little-!” he starts and then he starts wrestling with you as you shriek and giggle. “C’mon hyung, help me get her!!” 

Jimin bites his lip and then eventually helps the male hold you steady. Jeongguk reels his middle finger back and lets it go, creating a loud thwap! as it hits the skin of your forehead. Jimin has tears in his eyes as he laughs, and despite your complaints of pain, you are giggling too. 

It is fine. It is all fine. It is good. And for once, it feels like everything is back to normal. You are so happy in this moment. But then you start thinking, and despite your giggles, a lump lodges itself in your throat. 

“Oh god, you both are so stupid,” Jimin chuckles gently. You lean back against Jeongguk’s shoulder, a pleasant buzz thrumming through your veins, and with a soft giggle you ask a question that ruins everything. 

“Do you even remember me, Jiminie?” 

Jimin’s chuckles die down and he looks you straight in the eyes, his lips parting just a bit. You are sure you look like a mess in your drunken state and you know your eyes are going to start watering soon. 

“What do you mean ‘remember me’?” Jeongguk mumbles cluelessly from behind you but you don’t answer him. You are waiting for an answer. You don’t seem to be getting one though, since all Jimin does is look down at his lap, clear his throat, and take a sip of his drink. 

That doesn’t sit well with you at all. Maybe it is just the alcohol or maybe it is because you’ve been pretending that he didn’t affect you all this time, but whatever it is makes tears pool in your eyes. You feel pathetic and you don’t want to cry over this but your emotions are all over the place. So all you can manage to do is stand up shakily and get away from there. You can hear Jeongguk’s yells from behind you, but you don’t care. All that is running through your mind is that Park Jimin cannot see you cry. You are too confident and it will most definitely bruise your pride. 

Taehyung is now in the middle of single Sherlock by SHINee but as soon as he catches sight of your face, he stops. He quickly hands the microphone to Seokjin, who is looking at you with concern, and gets down from the table to stand in front of you. 

“What’s wrong, (Nickname)?” he asked frantically, cupping your cheeks in his palms. 

“Can we please go home, TaeTae? I don’t want to be here anymore,” you mumble and Taehyung immediately nods. He turns to tell Hoseok and Seokjin, who both nod quietly before he gently takes your hand and pulls you to the door. He doesn’t say anything at all, which you are extremely grateful for, and he walks next to you in silence. The air is cold and you feel exposed and vulnerable. You are aware that Taehyung is quietly waiting for you to explain yourself and in that moment, you get so irritated. 

“UGH THAT JERK!!” you suddenly yell out into the winter air. Taehyung takes a step back in shock. 

“Who?” he questions. 

“FUCKING PARK JIMIN!” 

Taehyung groans. “Oh what did that idiot do this time?” 

“Just…” you sigh. “Why does it seem like he tries so hard to avoid what happened in the past?” 

“What makes you think that?” Taehyung asks, linking his arm with yours as you both cross the street. 

“I mean it was fine. Me, Jeongguk, and Jimin were talking and having fun and we were all laughing and everything was fine! But then my stupid ass had to go say ‘do you even remember me’ and he didn’t respond. It just became so awkward all over again. I mean, is it so hard for him to just mention what happened? Because I feel like I’m the only one who stresses so much over him and he doesn’t give a fuck about me at all,” you rage and Taehyung listens quietly. 

“Well, why do you?” the male next to you asks and you blanch. 

“I--what?” 

“Why do you stress over him so much, anyway?” Taehyung clarifies. You open your mouth to respond as though it is the simplest thing in the world, but you find that you don’t exactly have an answer for his inquiry. Taehyung chuckles deeply. 

“(Nickname) don’t get offended by this but did you have a crush on Jimin back when you were friends?” 

You stop in your tracks to throw him the most shocked expression possible. 

“What?! Ew, no way! He was my best friend!!” 

“So, you never loved him?” he asks thoughtfully. 

“Well--I, of course I loved him, he was my best friend. Why the heck are you asking me that anyway?” you ask indignantly, feeling your cheeks get hot. Though, Taehyung only puts a hand on his chin. 

“Well, I was just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, I know losing a friend can be really tough, especially one you’ve had for so long and been so close with. But I feel like now you should sort of be over it. Or you shouldn’t be so affected by the fact that he isn’t close with you anymore. I feel like you had time to heal,” he explains. 

“But I--” you start to defend yourself but Taehyung raises a hand. 

“Let me finish, (Nickname),” he stops you and you purse your lips. “I know it will always sting. But you’ve made friends after Jimin and you’ve been able to live your life without him for years now. So why is it that just being around him brings you so much pain?” 

You try to think of an answer to his questions. 

“I just think that maybe you confused yourself and loved him this whole time,” the tall brunette finished. 

“Well then why did I fall for Youngjae?” you ask, trying to find holes around what you knew he was assuming. 

“What does Youngjae have to do with this? Of course it’s possible you fell for Youngjae. That doesn’t mean you didn’t ever fall for Jimin. You loved Youngjae obviously. But does that mean that you ever stopped loving Jimin?” 

You pause to look at him. Taehyung continues walking, a soft carefree smile on his face as he admires the winter scenery around him. Flurries of white snow that are descending from the sky settle in his fluffy hair. 

Was he right? Did you love Jimin this whole time? Was it possible that you were convincing yourself that you missed him only because he was your friend and not for any other reason? Were you so stupid to try to deny your own feelings? 

“Hm? Are you coming, (Name)?” Taehyung stops at the end of the sidewalk before an intersection, looking at you in confusion. “What’s wrong?” 

You are thinking about everything you’ve ever known. You think about everything you’ve done with him, every laugh, every game, every cry. You don’t think you can pinpoint any time where you’ve been in love with him. But you see your eighth grade self smiling up at him with adoration. And then you see your 15 year old self sneaking glances at him from across the library, watching as he hangs out with his friends. You see yourself giggling at the jokes he makes during his class president speech despite the fact that he has forgotten you long ago. You remember all the times you would think of him even after he went off to college. 

Taehyung is right. You’ve had so long to distance yourself from him and you’ve had years to teach yourself how to live without him. But strangely, you can’t let him go at all. And just the thought of him puts your heart at ease no matter how many bad memories he has linked to his name. 

You start walking towards Taehyung, who looks slightly confused, and grab his arm. In silence, the two of you walk down the street as you approach your dorm building. 

“Wanna come up?” you mumble to the male, eyeing the snow falling on the streets. Taehyung shakes his head with a small smile. 

“Nah, I should head back to the dorm before Jin hyung calls the police for a search party,” 

You grin before glomping the male into a hug. He is warm and cozy, almost like a sleeping bear in the cold winter.

“You were right,” you mutter to him. “I think I did love Jimin a long time ago. And I think I still do,” 

You pull away with a smile and wave to him, catching sight of the expression on his face, one that his mixed with pride and slight shock. When you get up to your dorm, finding it dark and empty, you breathe a sigh of relief. And for the first time in a very long time, you grab your computer and pull up some very old files. 

And you smile and laugh as you watch your younger self giggle and have fun, your heart fluttering every time you see familiar crescent shaped eyes. 

***

Bad luck seems to always follow you around. You groan loudly in the middle of the street, knowing that passerby are probably looking at you weirdly. 

“Well easy for them to judge,” you mutter. “They have umbrellas,” 

It is true that for the few people who are walking on the street, everyone is protected by an umbrella. And there you were, clad in nothing but sweatpants and a grey hoodie, holding a grocery bag as you trudge down the street. It is already raining a decent amount, and the walk back to the dorm isn’t extremely close. You want to call an Uber or a cab, but you also happened to have left your phone on your desk. 

“(Name) you dumbass,” you curse yourself. “But how was I supposed to know that it would fucking rain?! The forecast said at midnight. Not at nine,” 

You are already drenched and you’re sure that you’ll get sick by the time you get back to the dorm. It was just supposed to be a quick run to the store for some pads, what the hell? 

Then you have an idea and you start speed walking down a familiar route. Surely the boys won’t mind if you take shelter at their apartment until the storm passes? Or at least, everyone except Jimin. At the thought of Jimin, your heart goes through a roller coaster of emotions. You hadn’t spoken to him since the night of your realization. It’ll probably be extremely awkward to see him again. You hope he is at the studio practicing for his big competition. But a part of you also hopes to see him at the dorm. 

Pushing all thoughts of Jimin aside, you find yourself in front of the door to Seokjin’s apartment. Quickly wiping your wet shoes against the welcome mat, you raise a hand and knock, noticing that your fingers are shaking due to the cold. You hear some indistinguishable yelling before the door is thrown open. Kim Taehyung stands in front of you, brown hair falling free. A long sleeved white shirt covers his body and he wears grey sweatpants just like you do. A single Chanel necklace finishes his look and you are about to comment on it when he starts yelling. 

“What the fuck, (Name)?!” 

“HEY MIND YOUR LANGUAGE YOU FUCKING BRAT!!” Seokjin yells from inside and you hear Jeongguk cackle. Taehyung utters a half-hearted apology and turns to you, a scowl on his face. 

“Why the hell are you outside in the rain?! Don’t you know what an umbrella is?!!” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Of course I do! I didn’t know that it would freaking rain while I was walking home. That’s why I’m here!!” 

“Get inside,” he grumbles, tugging your arm and pulling you into the homely apartment. You quickly yell out a greeting to Seokjin, Jeongguk, and Namjoon as you pass them and grin as you hear the eldest reprimanding you for getting wet in the rain. In a few minutes, you are standing awkwardly in Taehyung’s bedroom, trying not get anything wet as he rummages around in his closet. 

“Here,” he says, handing you a pile of clothes. “Put these on and give me your clothes. I’ll put them in the dryer,” 

You take the clothes and smile gratefully before heading into the bathroom to change. You end up loving Taehyung’s oversized clothing, and come out feeling warm and comfortable. He grins at you as you jump into his bed, pulling up the covers for an even toastier feeling. 

“Have you eaten dinner, yet? I think we still have some leftovers,” 

“I did, thanks,” you smile and he waves you off. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asks already pulling out his laptop. You nod eagerly. 

"Can I use your phone to call Sana real quick?"

A few minutes later, you are cuddled up next to Taehyung as The Circle of Life starts playing and Rafiki holds up young baby Simba. 

You have fun with Taehyung. He is probably the best company you could have ever asked for and you wish that you’ll be friends with him for a long time. You grin as you hear him sing along to the songs and notice that he has a great voice. 

“Wow, TaeTae,” you muse. “You have a great voice! You should sing more often,” 

“Me?” Taehyung said bashfully. “Nah, it’s nothing great,” 

“Better than I sound,” you laugh as you lean against him. "Maybe you should become a singer," 

"You know I want to be an actor," he lets you snuggle into him with a chuckle. 

"Then maybe you should do musicals. That way you can sing and act. Or you should sing all the soundtracks on your OSTs," 

He laughs. "We'll see," 

You awake to voices. You crack an eye open, realizing that you are not in your own bed. You're still in Taehyung's bed, tucked in comfortably. The voices aren't too loud, but they aren't soft either. They sound like an argument. Namjoon is fast asleep on the other side of the room, papers scattered all over his bed, which makes you smile softly. You sit up slowly, seeing Taehyung's closed laptop at the foot of the bed. Where was Taehyung anyway? 

You swing your legs over the side of the bed and shiver a bit when you rip the covers off of your body. You stand up and quietly walk towards the door. Taking a peek at the clock, you realize that it is already past midnight. The storm seems to be raging still. You slowly pull the door open, not wanting to wake any of the sleeping boys. The arguing gets louder as you approach the living room. 

"I just don't understand what your problem is," Taehyung sighs. You pause. 

"My problem?" Jimin asks incredulously. "Why is she in your bed?" 

Oh he's asking about you. Taehyung breathes out through his nose. 

"Again, I told you. She got caught in the rain and showed up. So I gave her some spare clothes and we watched the fucking Lion King and then we fell asleep. What's so wrong with that?" 

"I just-! Why?! Since when is she so close with the rest of you all that she gets to stay over at our house?" 

Taehyung was beginning to get pissed. "Listen maybe you didn't notice, but since the beginning of the year, she's been getting to know us. So obviously now we're frien--" 

"You've been trying to get into her pants, huh?" Jimin asks with narrowed eyes. “You’ve been trying to get into her pants and that’s why you’ve been so nice and welcoming,” 

You suck in a breath. 

“What?! Why would you say that?! How could you think that about me?!” Taehyung’s voice raises in volume. “I am not--” 

“You’re never this welcoming towards people. Especially towards kids in the other years. You didn’t like Jeongguk for so long after he met us and--” 

“Oh,” Taehyung sneers. “Really? You’re gonna call me out for acting weird. What about you?” 

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” 

“You think I’m being weird by being (Name)’s friend so fast but look at you. You fucking hook up with Eunji out of nowhere. You always tell me who you’re into and you didn’t when it came to her,” 

Jimin blanches. “That has nothing to do with this--” 

“Sure thing, buddy,” Taehyung laughs. “Sure thing. When you can explain why you suddenly became interested in Eunji, then come find me--” 

“But--” 

“And like, what does it matter to you? You obviously couldn’t care less about (Name). So even if I was trying to get into her pants, why the fuck do you care?” 

“I don’t care--” 

“Ha,” Taehyung scoffs out a mocking laugh. “You can’t forget what happened in the past, huh?” 

“What?” Jimin growls. 

“You still remember (Name), don’t you?” 

“Taehyung, what are you talking ab--” 

“Haha, yeah,” he spits with disdain in his voice. “I know about your old best friend (Name),” 

Jimin’s eyes widen. “How the hell do you know? Did she tell you?” 

“That’s not important. What’s important is that you still remember her and that you obviously still care about her--” 

“I do not care,” 

“Oh really,” a devilish smirk forms on Taehyung’s face, one that you have never seen before. “Then it shouldn’t bother you to know that I was just trying to fuck her,” 

“Oh haha, nice try Tae,” Jimin grins mockingly. “You’re just trying to get me to admit that I care. Well I fucking don’t. Do whatever the fuck you want with her,” 

“You’re really going to let me?” 

Jimin shrugs carelessly. “I couldn’t care less. Just add one more name to your list of Girls I Fucked,” 

“There isn’t any part of you that is trying to stop me?! Not even a bit? How could you let someone do that to her??” Taehyung is now angry. “This better not have anything to do with Eunji!” 

“No! It doesn’t have anything to do with Eunji!!”

“Oh really?” 

Jimin sighs. “Yeah and to answer your question, as much as I don’t like the idea of you doing something like that to someone, (Name) isn’t a little girl anymore. She’s free to make her own decisions and if she wants you, then I won’t stand in the way,” 

“Jiminie,” Taehyung sighs. “I don’t want to get into (Name)’s pants, alright? That was never my intention with her. I just want to know why you won’t try with her. What made it so unbearable to be her friend again? From what I know, she’s an absolute sweethear--” 

“I know,” Jimin cuts him off. “She never did anything. I just...feel like a huge jerk whenever I look at her,” 

He chuckles dryly. “I freaking cut her off in high school because I thought I wouldn’t be considered cool if I continued to hang around with her. You tell me how I can face her after that dick move, Taehyungie,” 

Taehyung watches Jimin as he speaks and breaks out into a gentle smile. “Listen, everyone makes mistakes. I’m not justifying what you did but I don’t think that you should be acting weirdly around her just because of that. If you really still care about her, you’ll apologize and try your best to get that relationship again,” 

Jimin manages a small smile before he shoves Taehyung lightly. 

“Since when were you so good at relationship advice?” he grins. Taehyung strokes his imaginary beard thoughtfully. 

“I’m glad you came to me, my son,” 

Jimin’s tinkling laugh echoes through the room and you manage a teary smile when you see his crescent shaped eyes. Deciding that you had heard enough, you tiptoe back to Taehyung’s room, shutting the door quietly before snuggling into the covers. You grin at all you’ve heard. So he does remember. He remembers you and he wants to be your friend. He regrets what he did. He’s still the same caring Jimin you’ve always known. You wouldn’t know that if it weren’t for Taehyung though. You shut your eyes and pretend to be fast asleep as you hear Taehyung shuffle into the room. A gentle tap to your shoulder makes you fake waking up. 

“Oh? TaeTae,” 

“Hey sweetness,” he mumbles, trying not to wake Namjoon. “You fell asleep after the movie. Do you have to get back home or do you wanna stay over?” 

“Can I stay?” you mutter. 

“‘Course you can,” 

Perhaps Taehyung was the best person on the fucking planet. 

This time you wake up to someone aggressively poking your cheek. You groan angrily, setting at the hand and you hear someone snigger. 

"Ah, her cheeks are all squishy haha," 

You open your eyes to seeing a familiar grin. 

"Shut up Jeon," you mumble. 

"You want some breakfast?" he asks, ignoring your comment. 

"(Name), if you want breakfast, you need to come get it or Hoseok's gonna eat it all," you hear Yoongi say from the doorway. 

"Aw, thanks for thinking of me, Yoongi," you grin as you sit up, trying to smooth down your hair. You see him smile lightly as he leaves and you stretch out the stiffness in your joints. 

After freshening up, you take a seat at the table in between Taehyung and Namjoon. 

"Did you sleep well?" Tae asks you, smiling gently. 

"Yeah, thanks TaeTae," you beam at him.

"This is the first time you're staying over right?" Namjoon asks and you smile with a nod. 

"Yeah sorry I just crashed here without saying anything," 

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's okay. Our house is your house now," Seokjin stresses which makes you grin. At that moment, Jimin joins the table, rubbing his eyes sleepily. 

"Morning Jiminie," Taehyung greets. Jimin grins at the fellow 95 liner, the two of them sharing a secret conversation. 

"Morning Taehyungie," he replies. You continue to stare at him, feeling embarrassed yet confident. Eventually, his warm chocolate eyes land on you. You hesitate, but give him the first real smile you have in a long time. He blinks, but slowly, a grin forms on his face. You can't help but flush under his smile, and you hurriedly shovel food into your mouth, fully aware of Taehyung cheeky smirk. 

"You heading home after this, (Name)?" Hoseok asks in the midst of his chewing. You swallow down your mouthful and nod. 

"Yeah, I have a paper to write and I wanted to call my parents too," 

Hoseok nods in agreement and you finish up the meal, listening to the boys bicker with a smile. After you finish, Taehyung walks you to the door, and watches you put on your boots. 

“So…” he says quietly, and you can hear the grin in his voice. “What’s up with you today?” 

“What do you mean?” you ask, though you know exactly what he means. 

“I mean you were all heart eyes at the table,” 

“Shut up Tae,” you snap, though he doesn’t take it seriously due to your smile. 

“OoOOoOo (Name)~” 

You snort at his childish behavior. “And you say you’re more mature than I am,” 

He continues his taunting. “But since when did you decide to--” 

“Since I heard everything your big mouth was saying last night,” and feeling satisfied with his shocked face, you wave goodbye and walk out the door. You hear him follow you out and ask “WAIT YOU HEARD?! YOU KNOW I DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF THAT RIGHT?!” 

You turn back over your shoulder and grin. “I KNOW! I LOVE YOU!!” 

His shoulder’s slump and he smiles lazily, knowing exactly what you are thanking him for. “Love you too,” 

***

Even though you’ve realized that you harbor some kind of feelings for Jimin, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with them. What used to be nostalgia and sadness lingering around his name was now replaced with giddiness and unfamiliar butterflies. One thing that did remain was the sense of longing that you felt. While at first it was longing for that friendship you once had, now it was the longing to be more. Of course that couldn’t happen, not when you were able to see Jung Eunji kiss Park Jimin when he got home everyday. A part of you is so extremely jealous, but another part of you can only sigh because this was inevitable. There was no chance that Eunji was bad for him. On the contrary, she was quite perfect. So you can’t hate her at all and instead you can stand by with a bittersweet smile as the months pass by. But even so, all you can do is enjoy your time with your friends, just as you are doing now. 

“You need to date,” Jeongguk mutters to you. The neon lights in the room highlight his handsome facial features and shine in his youthful eyes. You stare at him blankly. “No offense,” 

“Um, I take full offense. Are you implying that I’m lonely?” 

“Yes,” the ravenette answers. You gasp dramatically, placing a hand on your chest. “You’ve been single all year! You need some action, babe,” he continues. 

“Uh huh, well if you can find me someone, let me know,” you chuckle with a shake of your head as you clink your glass with his before taking a sip. 

"Hm, what about the mysterious man who's had his eyes on you all night?" Jeongguk comments, his honey-like eyes flickering across the room. You follow his gaze and do indeed find dark eyes on you. You gulp, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

"I don't know, Guk," you mumble honestly, letting your gaze roam to where Jimin is playfully dancing with Eunji. 

"Oh, why not? He looks like he's into you!!" Jeongguk whines, slapping your shoulder. "Why won't you look at someone for once?" 

I am looking at someone; you just don't know who.

"You need to forget about whoever you're still hung up on," the male says, placing a palm under his chin. “If it’s this Youngjae dude or someone else or whoever, you gotta forget about them because obviously, you aren’t getting anywhere with any of them,” 

You sigh, knowing that he’s right. Were you really going to stay hung up on Jimin, who is obviously in a happy relationship already? 

“Okay fine, you’re right,” 

Jeongguk smirks triumphantly before standing up. “Then I’ll leave you to it, (Name),” 

“What?! Wait!!” you desperately call after him, but he only flashes a mischievous grin before walking off in the direction of Hoseok and Namjoon. You groan, feeling awkward sitting by yourself. That doesn’t last for long though, because soon enough, the handsome stranger is standing in front of you. 

You don’t exactly know what spurred you to accept his invitations, but you end up laughing with him throughout the night. He keeps a respectable distance because he knows you’re a bit tipsy, which you can’t help but admire. The guy is extremely sweet and you know you’ve seen him before around school. He introduces himself as an Im Jaebum, a third year, and that confirms where you’ve seen him. You can actually see yourself being happy with him. Of course, that might just be your drunkenness and loneliness talking, but he is genuinely nice. By the end of the night, he walks you home, his deep chuckles ringing in your ear as you ramble on about something or the other without a care in the world. After he sweetly escorts you to your door, you fall into bed with a sweet smile, knowing that his digits are inputted into the memory of your phone. 

***

Two weeks later, you are lazily lounging at the boys’ dorm. You’re draped across the couch, your legs laying in Jeongguk’s lap, who, like usual, has his remote controller in his hands. You are grinning as you rapidly text Jaebum. You haven’t officially started dating him yet, but he has taken you out a few times, all of which you’ve enjoyed yourself to the core. You are biting your lip to conceal laughter as he rambles about his friend Jackson who won’t ever do what he’s told when Jimin gets home. The black-haired male groans in pain as he stretches out his muscles and plops into the single-seater. 

“Hey hyung,” Jeongguk greets. 

“Hey Gukkie. Hey (Name),” he replies. You tear your eyes away from your phone to smile at him, your heart still fluttering. “Hey Jimin,” 

Jeongguk and Jimin make small talk as you immerse yourself in your texting again. Taehyung eventually joins their conversation with a snack in his hand. It is only a few minutes later when Jeongguk speaks directly to you. 

“So I take it my plan went well?” he smirks with knowing eyes as you flush. 

“What plan?” Taehyung asks with a mouthful of chips. 

“What’s his name?” Jeongguk asks, ignoring his hyung’s inquiry. 

“Uhh, Im Jaebum,” you can’t help but smile when Jeongguk’s eyes widen. 

“Wait, that was Im Jaebum!! I’ve heard so much about him. He’s the one who’s really good at b-boying, right?” 

You grin and nod and Jeongguk chuckles proudly. “Total score, (Nickname). I’m so proud of you,” 

Taehyung sits up straight, his brows furrowed. “Wait...you mean you’re…?” 

“Dating,” Jeongguk finishes. Taehyung’s jaw drops, eyes flickering to you with confusion. 

“I was gonna tell you,” you say honestly. “And we aren’t dating yet. We just went out a few times,” 

Taehyung shoots you a look as though saying ‘you’d better explain all of this later.’ 

“Isn’t it great hyung? She’s been single since we met her. It’s time she gets a little romance,” Jeongguk grins as he continues clicking his controller. 

“Yeah, congrats (Name),” 

They are the first words Jimin utters in the conversation and when you look at him he is smiling at you, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You feel a bit disappointed that he isn’t upset about it, but that’s just your stupid fantasy talking. You flash him a similar smile, one that you don’t quite mean. 

“Thanks, Jimin,” 

Taehyung is watching your exchange with observant eyes but he doesn’t say anything, though he looks like he really wants to. After that conversation ends, there is some kind of tension in the air that you cannot break. 

A few hours later, while Yoongi made dinner, Taehyung tugs you into his bedroom. 

“What the heck?” he whisper-shouts once he shuts the door. 

“What?” you ask dumbly. 

“Im Jaebum, (Name)? Really?” 

You cross your arms across your chest defensively. “What’s wrong with Jaebum?” 

Taehyung clicks his tongue exasperatedly. “Nothing’s wrong with him. Just...what happened to Jimin? I thought you liked him!” 

Your shoulders slump dejectedly. “I do! O-Or I did. I don’t know Tae!! I’m trying so hard to stop--” 

“What? Why?!” he asks. 

“Because,” you burst and his hands flinch at your volume. “He’s already with someone else! I’ve been pining after him all these years and now am I just supposed to sit by and be alone while he dates her?! Do you just expect me to stay stuck on him forever?! It’s obvious he doesn’t return my feelings so I’m trying to move on!!” 

Taehyung purses his lips, sympathy swirling around in his eyes. “Okay, you’re right. I just--as long as you’re happy with him, (Name),” he sighs, before giving you a sad smile and holds his arms open. You reciprocate and accept his invitation, wrapping your arms around him in desperate need of his affection. 

*** 

You can only sigh as you disconnect the call which catches the attention of the male sitting next to you. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Yoongi asks, looking down at you. You sigh yet again. 

“I don’t know…? It’s hard to explain,” you mumble. 

“Talk to me,” he says bluntly. You’ve known Yoongi long enough to tell that this was his invitation for you to dump your emotions on him, so you do just that. 

“It’s just---it feels forced,” you say, waving your hands around exasperatedly. At Yoongi’s hum, you continue. “I mean, I like Jaebum and all, but I feel like I’m not really putting my entire mind into this, y’know?” 

Yoongi nods mutely. “So you’re saying it’s one-sided?” 

“Well,” you try to explain. “I do have feelings for him. But I just feel like he’s more invested in this relationship than I am. And I want to be more invested!! I do! But I…” 

“You just don’t feel it?” the mint-haired male offers and you nod. 

“Yeah. And that makes me feel really bad. He’s such a good guy. He doesn’t deserve my bullshit,” 

“Then maybe you should...y’know? End it?” Yoongi advises, picking up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks and shoving it into his mouth. You look down sadly. 

“Yeah I probably will. I’m really going to miss him though,” you mumble. It’s weird to explain how you feel. On one hand, you absolutely adore Jaebum. He was the perfect guy and probably ideal for so many people. He was smart, funny, talented, and handsome. He’d done nothing but take care of you in the sweetest way possible and he’d been nothing but respectful and loving.  You feel horrible about the way you feel about him. You love him, but you hate the fact that your own mind betrays you. Instead of thinking of him 24/7, like any lovestruck fool would do, your mind wanders and lingers on the memories of the crescent eyed boy who really stole your heart. After so much thinking, you began to feel guilty, believing that you were betraying Jaebum in some way as you thought about Jimin. And here you were; Yoongi has to give you relationship advice. 

You are just picking up a piece of meat with your chopsticks when you hear the front door open. Jimin walks in, looking extremely tired. His big performance was now only a month away, which increased the time he spent practicing. 

“Hey Jimin,” you greet. His lips twitch upward into a tired smile. 

“Hey (Name),” 

Your reply is interrupted by Jimin’s bedroom door swinging open and out walks Eunji. She has her arms crossed with a disapproving glare. 

“Hey noona,” the black-haired male greets, but no answer comes from his girlfriend. She continues to look at him. “What?” 

“What?! Seriously? Park Jimin do you know what time it is?! It’s past 11 at night! Why are you just getting home now?!? It’s not good for you!” she explodes. It is the first time you’ve ever seen her yell, especially at Jimin. Though the male in question only seems to grow more tired as he hears her words. He sighs heavily as he begins walking towards his bedroom. 

“Noona I told you. My competition is in less than five weeks. I need to practice--”

“What about us? We agreed that we’d spend tonight together and you forgot--” Eunji starts complaining, her voice rising as she follows him. 

“No! I did not forget!! I specifically texted you and told you that I wouldn’t be able to go out tonight!” 

“You’ve been saying that a lot recently!! What? Is it that you don’t want to spend time with me?!” 

“God, noona, no! That’s not it!! I’m fucking sorry alright!” 

“Oh, great, sorry. The same exact thing you said last time….” her voice trails off as the door to Jimin’s shuts loudly. Their yells now turned into muffled sounds of aggravation. 

“Ugh again? That’s the third time this week!” Hoseok groans as he joins you and Yoongi at the table. 

“Are they doing okay?” you ask. You’ve never really tried to pry too deep into Jimin and Eunji’s relationship. It had been a bit sore of a subject for you since you found out. But you had never heard them fight like this. Eunji was always sweetly taking care of Jimin and he would always show her love in the cutest way possible. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure,” Yoongi sighs. “They’ve been pretty tense the past few weeks,” 

“Really? Why?” you ask, trying to keep your voice from sounding too nosy. Neither of the boys seem to notice though and Hoseok shrugs. 

“I don’t know. Last week, Eunji was saying something about how he’s pulling away from her and it isn’t really how it was when they started dating,” 

“But she probably just feels that way because Jimin is focusing so much on practicing right now,” Yoongi shrugs. “I mean we all know how he feels about dancing. He’s been preparing for this competition for a long time. He obviously wants to put his all into it,” 

“Yeah I can see why both of them are having problems,” Hoseok says. “It’s not like any of them are doing anything wrong. It’s just…” he trails off but you and Yoongi know what he means. You can’t help but feel a little bad. How could a happy relationship go so sour over such a thing? Then you remember your own predicament and wince. 

It takes you a week to finally break it off with Jaebum. It hurts to leave him, especially when you see the look on his face, but you can’t help but feel as though a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. But you do still hurt….

“I just didn’t know what to do!” you blubber as Jeongguk rubs your shoulder. 

“It’s okay (Name). I understand,” 

From his spot on the couch, Hoseok sends you a sad sort of grimace and you can’t help but cry harder. 

“I-I really wanted to be with him, you know?” you sob as Jeongguk clicks his tongue sympathetically. 

"Yeah?" Hoseok asks. 

"Yeah," you cry. "He was perfect," 

"You know, sometimes fate is just mean like that. There's always going to be someone perfect like Jaebum that isn't meant for you," Jeongguk says wisely. 

"And how many relationships have you been in, Jeongguk?" Hoseok asks the bunny-like male. 

"That's not that point, hyung!!" Jeongguk protests. "The point is that sometimes relationships aren't meant to be. Don't worry, (Nickname). You'll end up with someone great!" 

You sniffle noisily and wipe your eyes with your sleeve. You're sure your nose is red and your face is puffy. 

“I guess. But I really miss him now!!” a fresh wave of tears starts again and you put your head in your hands. Through your fingers, you catch Yoongi holding back a snigger at your tantrum and you whine loudly, opting to chuck a pillow at him. 

“STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!” 

He chortles. “I’m sorry but you were so ready to do it and now you’re crying like a baby,” 

You try to hold back a smile at his tone because you know he’s just teasing. If you hadn’t told him how you felt about breaking up with Jaebum, you know he’d be more serious. But he knows that you feel relieved and so he thinks he’s entitled to make fun of you. 

“Shut up,” you mutter, swiping your sleeve under your eyes again. Seokjin, who had been silently playing Mario Kart, voices his opinion. 

“You’ll be fine, (Name). JK’s right. If it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be. Stop crying now. You look ugly,” 

“EVeRYoNE hATeS mE!!” you sob, dramatically turning into Jeongguk’s shoulder as his body shakes with laughter. You hear Hoseok giggle and then some footsteps follow. 

“Finally. You always use all the fucking hot water,” Yoongi grumbles and you hear Jimin’s tinkling laugh. You look up to see him and when his eyes land on you, his happy expression morphs into shock. 

“Wha-? (Name) have you been crying?!” he asks, before swiftly walking closer to you. “What happened?! Are you hurt?!” 

You blink stupidly, trying to hide the real tracks of tears from your earlier episode. Though before you can answer, Jeongguk beats you to it. 

“Eh, yeah she is. She and Jaebum broke up,” he informs the elder male. Jimin stands up straight and his eyes flicker with confusion, surprise, and something else you can’t quite place. 

“Oh?” his voice goes into a higher pitch than it naturally is. He clears his throat. “W-Why?” 

Your mood instantly dampens as you think of the male you just gave up. You really did miss him. 

“I-” you can’t help but get choked up again. “I don’t know,” 

Immediately, anger flickers across Jimin’s face. “Wait...he didn’t fucking...dump you for some stupid reason did he?” 

You shake your head quickly. “No no! I broke up with him,” 

The ravenette’s anger fizzles. “Oh. Then why are you crying?” 

“I don’t know,” you repeat miserably. “I can’t explain it,” 

Jimin seems to understand what you want to say and nods sympathetically.

“It’s okay. It’ll get better soon,” 

You sigh heavily and sniffle before nodding. You would die before you admitted that just seeing Jimin had already made it a bit better. 

***

You attentively watch every step that Jimin takes. His movements switch from fluid to controlled in seconds, yet his face is lacking any struggle, almost as if this came easy to him. Though for you, you couldn’t stand on your own two feet, so the way he was dancing right now was extremely admirable. The occasional squeaks of his sneakers were drowned out by the music echoing through the room. Next to you, Taehyung and Hoseok are watching with rapt attention. When Jimin hit the final beat, all three of you began to clap and praise him. 

“Woahh that was really cool, Jiminie!”

“That was amazing!”

“It was much better than last time just make sure you keep your legs straighter when you go down at the end,” 

Jimin grins sheepishly and nods at Hoseok’s suggestion. He starts walking towards his bag and pulls out his water bottle for a sip. Taehyung turns to you. 

“Well, (Name)? What did you think of Jimin’s performance?” 

Out of the corner of his eye, you could see Jimin looking at you for your answer. “It was so good. I wish I could dance like that,” you compliment honestly. Jimin’s lips twitch upwards at your words, but he doesn’t say anything. Taehyung looks satisfied before a mischievous glint takes place in his eyes. 

“I’m gonna go buy something for us to eat,” he says, standing up and dusting off his clothes. Your eyes widen. 

“I don’t wanna eat right no-” Jimin starts but his friend cuts him off. 

“Shut up, Jimin,” he scolds. “You have to get your energy back!” 

Taehyung grins at you; he was really trying to put you in an uncomfortable spot, huh? He then exits the practice room and you huff angrily. Well, at least Hoseok was still here. 

“HEY HOBI HYUNG!! CAN YOU COME WITH ME?! 

Oh no…

The male in question clicks his tongue. “What?!” 

“I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BUY FOOD!!” Taehyung yells, poking his head into the room

“Ugh~” Hoseok groans, before standing up. “I’ll be back guys,” 

You shoot Taehyung a look of desperation, but all you get back is a wink and the door swings closed. You sigh as the room becomes silent. Jimin is grinning lightly when you look at him. 

“I’m happy you liked the dance, (Name),” he smiles and you feel your shoulders relax. His words didn’t help your sweaty palms though. 

“Of course I did! It was awesome!!” 

Jimin grins at your answer, a slight hue of pink dusting his cheeks. Though you can’t help yourself from rambling further. 

“I mean, if only I could do that!! It’s so amazing how you can dance so effortlessly. Like, it looks like you don’t even have to think about what you’re doing! You’re probably the best dancer I’ve ever met. Well, you and Hoseok. But you’re still so talented! You know, even when we were younger I used to be jealous of your dancing skills?! And it’s not fair! You looked so cool doing it!!” 

By the time you realized that you hadn’t stopped talking, all of your words were spilled into the air. While internally cursing yourself for your running mouth, Jimin’s blush deepens. 

“Aw,” he smiles. “Thanks, (Nickname),” 

The syllables of your nickname as they escape his lips makes your heart race and you smile back at him, ignoring the dampness of your palms. Though neither of you utter a word for the next few moments, you are fine just looking at him. He is about to speak when the practice door swings open. You turn to send a signal to Taehyung that everything was going well, but your shoulders drop when you see Eunji standing there instead. She isn’t angry or anything, but she doesn’t look too happy either. You steal a glance at the clock and realize that it was now hitting 12:30 in the morning. She seems to be aware of that as well. 

Jimin’s smile drops slightly. “Hey noona,” 

“You’ve been here this whole time?” she asks in a low voice. Jimin nods. 

“Jimin,” she sighs, her body slumping with some kind of unseen weight. “Jimin I’ve been calling you all evening,” 

“Oh shit,” Jimin curses. “Really? I’m so sorry noona. My phone was off and in my ba--” 

“Jimin,” she raises a hand to silence him. “You could have told me. I was waiting at your dorm all night,” 

It is then that her eyes drift to see you sitting against the wall and they narrow. It is the first time you’ve seen an expression like that on her and you want nothing more than to press yourself into the wall and disappear. 

“I’m really sorry, noona,” he sincerely apologizes again, walking closer to her. “My mind has just been so occupied with this competition and I--” 

“Let’s talk later, okay? I’m going home,” she says icily, stepping away from him. Jimin doesn’t make a move to stop her from leaving. Before she leaves, she looks at you once again and you feel a chill run up your spine at the look that is remarkably like a glare. Once she leaves, the atmosphere becomes tense, no more the fluttery air that was just present moments ago. You sneak a glance at Jimin, who looks defeated. He runs his hands through his black locks and when he catches your eyes, he manages to send you a gentle smile. 

“It’ll be fine, Jimin,” you offer, no matter how much it stings to say. “It’ll all be okay,” 

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” he repeats, though it sounds more like he is convincing you than convincing himself. 

***

You shove a spoonful of Rocky Road into your mouth as you watch Taehyung sign into Netflix on your computer. You both are alone at your dorm tonight since Sana is visiting her parents for the weekend. You both enjoyed spending free time with each other and since you had finished most of the work you had and you didn’t have your part-time job, Taehyung was the obvious option. He plops on your bed and snatches the tub of sweetness away from you, to which you protest but are ultimately ignored. 

Though Taehyung seems a little off today. He isn’t chattering your ear off about something or the other and his hands are fidgeting a lot. 

“Hey TaeTae?” you ask, looking at him. 

He flinches and you start. “Hm? Oh yeah what?” he asks absent-mindedly. 

“You okay?” you frown. “You’ve been kind of...jumpy?” 

“Oh,” he shakes his head and smiles lightly. “Yeah I’m fine,” 

You’re not quite convinced, but you decide not to push him and instead focus on the screen as Us starts playing. You don’t notice Taehyung bite his lip and look at you with a bit of guilt. As the movie progresses, there are multiple instances when he opens his mouth to speak, but can’t manage to get words out. It takes him about half the movie, but eventually can’t control himself. He stretches across the bed to pause the movie and you look up at him quizzically. 

“I have to tell you something,” he says quietly. And then he starts. “Yesterday, I was at the dorm…” 

Taehyung lazily lounged on the couch, his hand digging into a bag of Cheetos as he lethargically watched Supernatural on TV. The dorm was pretty quiet this evening, he noticed. Yoongi and Namjoon were in their rooms working on music while Seokjin had gone to visit his brother. Surprisingly, you and Jeongguk were out eating together, with the latter having to pay after losing a bet to you. And not so surprisingly, Jimin and Hoseok were at the studio. So here he was. 

He didn’t really know how many episodes he had breezed through, but he was in the middle of choking on his laughter as Castiel yells “Hey assbutt!” when Jimin gets home. 

“Oh hey Jimini--” he paused when he saw Jimin’s somber expression. “What’s wrong?” 

Jimin looked up and smiled lightly before heading off to his room. “Oh nothing, I’m just really tired,” 

Taehyung knew that that wasn’t it, but he didn’t push his friend, and turned back to Dean’s appalled face. A few minutes later, he hears Jimin shuffling around in the kitchen as he makes dinner for himself before he walks into the living room and plops down next to him. 

“So…” Jimin asks, after a few minutes of watching Sam and his glorious hair. “Where is everyone?” 

“Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung are working. You know Jin hyung’s visiting his brother. And Jeongguk went out to eat with (Name),” Taehyung replies. Jimin turns to look at him quickly. 

“(Name) and Jeongguk?”  he repeats. Taehyung raises a brow and nods slowly. “L-Like on…..are they on a date?”

Taehyung reels back, his lips curling a bit. “What no! What is wrong with you?! He lost a bet so he’s taking her out and paying!” 

Jimin’s shoulders fall and he sighs a bit. “Oh okay,” he chuckles awkwardly. “Sorry, I was just checking,” 

Taehyung frowns, but slowly nods, before he focuses back on the show. “So how was practice? Is Hobi hyung still there?” 

Jimin nods in the middle of his munches. “Yeah. I’m getting pretty nervous about this now that it’s so close,” 

“Nah, you’ll be fine. You’re a great dancer. Just do your best,” Taehyung answers. It is silent for a minute, the two brother-like friends watching the show with interest before Taehyung poses a question. “Oh I wanted to ask. We’re all gonna go to Taeyong’s party tomorrow. You up for it?” 

“Who’s we all?” Jimin asks, turning to face him. 

“The hyungs, except for Jin hyung, me, and Gukkie,” 

“And (Name)?” Jimin asks. Taehyung stops to think, though it is a bit curious that Jimin keeps bringing you up. 

“I haven’t asked her. I could text her and see. I think she’d probably come,”  

“Okay, sure,” Jimin agrees, taking another bite of his dinner. 

“You can bring Eunji, too,” Taehyung says. But Jimin stiffens. 

“Uh, I don’t think she’d wanna come,” he answers. Taehyung blinks. 

“Why?” he pauses. “Oh. Because you’ve been kinda fighting lately? It’s okay. You can take her to the party to show her that you still wanna be with her. You know, spend time with her,” 

Jimin grimaces. “That sounds great and all but I really don’t think she’d agree,” Taehyung chuckles. “Why not?” 

“Because I broke up with Eunji,” 

There is a pause in the conversation. 

“What?” Taehyung asks. 

“I broke up with Eunji,” Jimin repeats. 

“Wha-? Why?” 

“I….” he sighs, as though unable to form words. “I don’t know man. You know how you always say that you break up with the girls you date because you don’t....”

“Love them?” Taehyung offers and Jimin nods miserably. 

“I mean I cared about Eunji, I really did. But like I don’t feel like I wanna be with her anymore. It feels like I’m forcing myself to be with her. And I didn’t want to do that because it was obviously hurting her!” 

Taehyung nods understandingly. “Yeah I get that. It’s okay. How do you feel? Are you okay?” 

Jimin winces. “I feel...really guilty. And kinda sad too. But I also feel like I did the right thing for her,” 

“I’m sure you did. As long as you’re happy, Jimin,” Taehyung smiles gently, turning back to the screen. For a second he thinks of you. He thinks of how long you’ve been pining after Jimin. He wants to tell you, he really does, but he doesn’t want to give you any false hope. He doesn’t want you to waste your time longing for Jimin if there was no chance to begin with. That’s why, internally, he debates on whether he had the right to tell you, or if you should hear it from Jimin himself.

“Thanks for everything, Taehyungie,” 

“He and Eunji...broke up?” you ask incredulously. Taehyung nods, biting his bottom lip gently. “Aw TaeTae. Why were you so nervous about that?” 

“I just didn’t want to have you be stuck on him, you know? I don’t know. I was trying to figure out if it was my place to tell you,” he answers honestly. Though you only smile up at him before nuzzling into his side. 

“Thanks for always thinking of me, Tae,” you sigh, though you can’t quell that spark of hope that has ignited in your chest. You feel him squeeze your shoulders and in his sweet voice he replies

“Of course, (Nickname),”

You continue to watch without a care in the world but Taehyung still feels guilt in his gut. Because he had left out the next part of the conversation. And he wasn’t sure if that part could benefit you or break your heart. 

After a few minutes, Taehyung asks the question in his head. “If you don’t mind me asking, when did you start feeling that way about Eunji? I mean, like you didn’t love her?” 

“Um,” Jimin licks his lips. “I think a few months ago? I just hated how she’d always be disappointed in me for not calling her and stuff,” 

“Ah got it,” Taehyung answers. “I guess that’s why you both started fighting too,” 

“Yeah…” Jimin trails off. Another beat of silence passes before he speaks up again. “I…” 

Taehyung turns to look at him. “What?” 

“I think it’s also because…” he pauses. “Because I have feelings for someone else,” 

Jimin refused to tell Taehyung who it was. But as he said, it could benefit you if the person was you, and if it wasn’t, it would break your heart. 

And Taehyung wasn’t sure if he wanted to take that risk.

***

“What time will you be back again?” Sana asks you as she watches you brush your hair. After you’re sure you’ve got all the tangles out, you place the brush down and turn to her. 

“To be honest I’m not sure. I think the actual competition ends at eight but it might run longer. Plus, Jin said I could just crash at their place if it goes on too late,” you answer. “I’ll text you anyway,” 

“Got it,” she grins. In just a few minutes, a rapt knock sounds from your door and stand up. When you pull it open, Yoongi stands there with Namjoon. 

“Ready to go?” Namjoon asks, his dimples showing up as he smiles down at you. You nod eagerly. 

“Then hurry your ass up and let’s go,” Yoongi mumbles, though he is slightly smiling. You roll your eyes and yell out a goodbye to your roommate, before shutting the door behind you. Following the two music lovers out, they lead you to the car. Namjoon pulls the door open as Yoongi goes to take a seat next to Seokjin in the front. Reciprocating the greetings you get from the boys, you comfortably seat yourself between Hoseok and Jeongguk as the car starts. Though the boys continue to chatter with each other, or occasionally bicker, you can’t help but glance at Jimin, who has been silent the whole ride. He stares out the window dazedly and his leg bounces nervously. Namjoon seems to notice this as well, as he places a comforting hand on the male’s knee. 

“You’re gonna be fine, Jimin,” he says.

“Yeah, you’ve practiced so much! It’s all gonna pay off!” Hoseok adds, brightening up the mood with his cheeriness as he always does. Jimin only shuts his eyes, blows out a breath, and nods. You offer him a smile when he catches your eye, and he shakily grins back. In another half an hour, all of you clamor out of the car in front of the place of the competition. 

“I have to go with all the other performers,” Jimin says to all of you. “You guys go through the front with all the people who came to watch,” 

“Got it,” Seokjin answers before breaking out into a smile. “Good luck, Jiminie!”

The other boys hug him and clap him on the back and smack his ass (Jeongguk) but he smiles gratefully at all of them. 

“Good luck, Jiminie,” you wish him with a smile before glomping him in a hug. Though it has been years, you can’t help but remember how it used to feel to hug him before something important. When you were younger, you used to think hugs would give him good luck, so now also, you’d like to believe that they would do something for him. You feel his hands gently squeeze you back before he lets you go. When you look at him, he is grinning at you, his chocolate eyes stretched in pretty crescents and that has you wanting to explode but you push away the butterflies and turn away from him, though you cannot stop smiling. You know he’ll be amazing. 

***

The car ride home is loud and rambunctious, just as one would expect from the seven boys who had stolen your heart. The chattering amongst you all doesn’t cease, even as Jimin flusteredly begs you all to stop. 

“Did you see the way he flipped?!” Jeongguk asks eagerly before making excessive hand gestures to accompany his words. “He was all WPAPPAPAAAAHH and then he landed so smoothly!!”  

“Yeah that was awesome!! But what about that part where he went into the splits and then got up without using like any of his hands?!” you squeal. “That was easily the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!!” 

“Ah c’mon guys,” Jimin whines with a blush, though he is grinning sheepishly. “You can stop now~” 

“And he was really hitting every beat! That was really well done,” Hoseok nods sagely as he effectively ignores Jimin’s request. Jimin only sighs with a shake of his head, leaning back into his seat with a smile as the moonlight hits the glinting gold medal around his neck. As soon as you all barge into the apartment, everyone plops into a couch or on the floor. Yoongi pulls out drinks for everyone and you all clink them together to celebrate Jimin’s victory. It is one of the best days you have with the boys, feeling now worries or stresses and nothing but happiness. 

“Dude,” Jeongguk slurs, his beer sloshing around as he motions towards Jimin. “All those nights in the s-studio really paid off~~~”

“Yeah,” Taehyung agrees, his face turning extremely serious as he looks at his friend, totally unaware that he too is tipsy. “If Eunji could see you now!” 

Jimin, who is now sporting a light flush, looks at you quickly before looking away. You quickly turn back to your karaoke and began to sing excessively. 

“Even though she was a nice girl, you shouldn’t date someone if they come in the way of your dreams!” Namjoon nods wisely. He is holding the handle of a mug from the coffee table, which he had somehow broken off. 

“wHAt wISE woRdS!!” Hoseok suddenly shrieks from his position across the carpet, having even less control over his volume than usual. 

“Yeah I’m glad I ended it. I hope she’s happy~” Jimin smiles, his cheeks pink as he speaks. 

“You’re a mature guy for thinking so,” Yoongi says, sipping his wine and remaining the only one who knew how to handle his alcohol. He watches you and Seokjin loudly shriek to Fantastic Baby with a playful roll of his eyes. You all continue to pass the time with drinks, karaoke, and occasional remembrance of the beautiful performance you had witnessed earlier that evening. After Jeongguk’s very extra reenactment of Jimin’s dance, you stand up and stretch. 

“I should probably head back to the dorm,” you mumble. Seokjin, red in the face, laughs dramatically. 

“Girl, you can’t even stand on your own two feet,” he slurs and Jimin giggles loudly. You stick your tongue out and pull your sweater on. 

“You’re just extra drunk,” you point out and begin walking towards the door. You smile at Jimin, who is watching you go. 

“You did really well today, Jimin,” you whisper with tipsy smile. You really want to talk with him more, but you feel your nerves kick in and you settle with just seeing his pretty smile. 

“Thanks (Name),” 

You slip your sneakers on and wave dramatically to the boys. “See you guys later!” 

“Please don’t pass out on the way!” Yoongi yells after you, even though he knows you aren’t that drunk and can walk for fifteen minutes. You grin at the mint-haired musician and walk out the door. 

You are smiling as you step out into the warm summer air. A successful night for the boy you are obsessed with sits well with you, and having spent time with him and seeing him happy makes you happy in turn. You cross the street and are just about to continue your walk when you hear someone shout your name. You turn around to see Park Jimin standing at the door, a wide smile on his flushed face. 

“(NAME)!!” 

“WHAT?!” you yell back, thinking you must have forgotten something. 

“I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!” he cups his hands by his lips to amplify the sound of his voice.

“WHAT IS IT?” you ask. You see him take a deep breath and smile. 

“I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT YOU AND I NEVER HATED YOU!! I ALWAYS MISSED OUR FRIENDSHIP AND I’M SO GLAD THAT WE GOT TO MEET EACH OTHER AGAIN!” 

You take a second to process his words before you break out into a happy smile. You open your mouth to tell him how glad you are to hear this, but he beats you to it. 

“BUT-” he says suddenly and you stop. “I CAN’T BE YOUR FRIEND LIKE WE WERE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!” 

Your smile slowly drops, the beginning of a familiar sadness building up in your chest. 

“W-WHY?” you curse your voice crack, but await his answer. 

“BECAUSE-” he laughs loudly and you hear Hoseok scream from the hall: 

“TELL HER JIMIN!”

“BECAUSE I DON’T THINK I SEE YOU AS A FRIEND ANYMORE!!” he shouts and you pause. Suddenly, you fear the absolute worst, thinking that he does not want anything to do with you, that he doesn’t want to relive the friendship you once had. But then you hear Hoseok’s cheering and Namjoon’s praises and you start to think about what you just heard. 

“I-WHAT?” is all you can manage to yell back. You hear Jimin’s tinkling laugh and you can tell that he is embarrassed, but he is happy. He runs his fingers through his black hair and grins widely as Taehyung runs up to the door. 

“YOU WHAT?!” you hear the male yell, and Jimin laughs sheepishly. “SHE’S THE GIRL?!” 

Jimin nods mutely, though he is biting his plump lips to keep from smiling. You want to ask “what girl?” and “what are you talking about?” but you feel like your brain is short-circuiting. You hear Taehyung’s laugh of disbelief as he claps Jimin on the shoulder. “THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GO!!” 

Jimin, empowered by the bit of alcohol running through his veins and his friend’s encouragement, stumbles down the street and makes his way to you. When he stands in front of you, eyes and smile soft like honey, you forget how to blink. You are far too concerned with taking in every single facial feature of the beautiful man in front of you. His pretty hands slowly move to cup your neck and you hold your breath. His chocolate eyes are half-lidded, though they search for permission from you. You aren’t exactly sure how you give it to him, but he takes a leap of faith and connects his lips to yours. You won’t ever be able to explain your emotions at that moment, but all you can feel is Jimin. It takes you a few seconds to respond, but when you do, you do so wholeheartedly. You quickly close the space between you two and tangle your fingers in his dark hair feeling as though gravity ceased to exist. He seems to be enjoying himself just as much and he moves his hands to circle your waist and pull you closer to him. You can faintly hear Taehyung and Jeongguk faking gags but you can’t even bother yourself to care. Not when the boy of your childhood has completely stolen your heart. Maybe it’s a few minutes, or a couple of hours, or perhaps even a day has passed; you’re not sure. But when he pulls away from you his dazzling smile is so bright you can’t help but chuckle. He noses your cheek with a soft laugh and intertwines his fingers with yours. 

“You should text Sana,” he mumbles lowly, though you can hear the happiness in his voice. 

“Should I?” you ask back, closing your eyes in his embrace, feeling once again like a schoolgirl. He confirms with a gentle hum as he tugs you in the direction of the house. You lazily stumble after him, your legs feeling like jelly and butterflies actively fluttering in your gut. You watch him with loving eyes agreeing that he had never looked more handsome than in that moment. As Jimin pulls you into the apartment, Yoongi chuckles lowly. 

“It’s about time,” Jeongguk says and Hoseok grins with an excited nod of his head. 

“You knew?” you ask the two of them before it dawns on you. You slowly turn to glare at the tall male who hasn’t spoken. 

“I DIDN’T TELL THEM!” Taehyung yells at you, offended that you would even assume such a thing. 

“Wait...you knew?!” Jimin suddenly asks, looking at his fellow 95 liner, who gulps. 

“Well...yeah,” Taehyung answers and he immediately puts his hands up at Jimin’s glare. “Oh c’mon! She trusted me. I wasn’t about to go tell you that she had a crush on you!!” 

You grin and latch onto Taehyung’s arm. “Thanks TaeTae. I knew you were my best friend!” 

Jimin’s glare extends to you and you laugh. “That’s my best friend, woman,” 

“Hell no,” you shoot back and stick out your tongue. “You don’t deserve such a handsome best friend,” 

Taehyung nods appreciatively and high fives you but Namjoon smirks. 

“No matter how close you and Taehyung are you’ll never be as close as you and Jimin, (Name),” he comments before making smooching noises. Taehyung and Hoseok chortle and Yoongi’s smirk rivals Namjoon’s. You groan in embarrassment and sneak a peek at your lover, but he is only smiling with a shake of his head. His hand squeezes yours and you grin giddily. You suddenly hear footsteps and see Seokjin walking out of the bathroom. 

“Oh, (Name)? I thought you left? Did you forget something?” he asks, and when you all say nothing, he raises a brow. “What’d I miss?” 

The six of you blink and then Jeongguk utters a “Hyung how do you always miss the important stuff?” 

Namjoon and Hoseok crack up and you giggle as you watch Jeongguk dramatically recount the tale to an astonished Seokjin. You feel a nudge from your left and look to see Jimin grinning down at you. For a moment, his smile is so clearly the one you remember and it makes you feel a good kind of nostalgia. The Jimin you once knew wasn’t really gone. In fact the Jimin that you see next to you had grown from a cute boy to a loving man who had captured your heart once again. 

Whether he was four years old, eight years old, sixteen years old, or twenty years old, Jimin had your heart. And that would never change.

.

.

.

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a/n: so maybe i just wanted some drama and angst. but I hope you guys liked it!!

[insfiringyou]

BTS girlfriend series - How they handle their boyfriend’s fame / how they handle fame as a couple

This list is comprised of our headcanon OC girlfriends for each member. Find out more about the girls here.

Events from certain headcanon fics are mentioned in these discussions. If in doubt, feel free to ask which fic they are from.

To read each member and their girlfriends’ fics in order, follow links below:

RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

Check out our full masterlist for all works including the full images of original fanart of the girlfriends.

Some rated content below the cut

Ji-eun (& RM)

Namjoon is someone we can see as being very private about the details of his relationship and, towards the beginning of seeing Ji-eun, would want to keep her out of the public eye to protect her own safety from fans who might not take well to her. As she is someone with a very professional job and who has worked very hard and made a lot of sacrifices to get to where she is, Namjoon would feel the additional pressure of making sure her workplace did not leak, knowing that her firm might not take the tabloid spotlight well and that she could lose her position. 

As they become more serious, however, we feel they would start to become more and more comfortable being seen together, with Ji-eun discussing this with her boss to make sure he was aware, and it being a joint decision to confirm any dating rumours through their agencies. As Ji-eun is already used to going to professional functions as part of her job, she wouldn’t mind having all eyes on her at celebrity functions. She would enjoy getting dressed up and being seen on his arm. To the outside world, they would look like a very classy couple and something to aspire to. 

When Namjoon is away, Ji-eun deals with his absence by throwing herself into work, taking on extra cases and spending long hours at the office to avoid having to go back to an empty apartment and sleeping in an empty bed. She would video call him a lot while he is on tour and, sexually, she would love talking dirty on the phone or masturbating over video call for him. If there was a time difference, she might pre-record something sexy and send it to him, knowing that when he got off stage he would be able to let off some steam from afar. While she would miss him like crazy, she is generally able to distract herself enough to get on with her life in his absence, although would often turn to alcohol in the evenings to block out the loneliness of not being with him. This is something which becomes much more of a problem when Namjoon enters the military, and something which will become more apparent when he comes out soon. 

Due to her profession, she would likely have quite a few social media accounts which would allow fans some glimpses into her personal life.

Min-seo (& Jin)

While Jin would not have tried to hide his relationship from the public from the start and would be happy to be seen on dates with Min-seo, he would be fiercely protective of her if she was criticised by the press or fans. Professionally, as she started a student and became self-employed following their marriage, she does not have anything to lose from their relationship being public, but Jin would be concerned that any criticisms would affect her emotional well-being. He would definitely encourage her to avoid reading anything online about herself, and would not be afraid to quietly sue if any lies were published about her. 

Min-seo is someone who does not like having all eyes on her, and so would not go to busy events where she might have her picture taken by the press. Once they were married, it would be unavoidable that the odd photo might be taken by the paparazzi of them while they were on holiday or going about their business, but Jin would ensure there were legal plans in place to avoid anything unsavoury being shown. 

When Jin is away, Min-seo would find it really hard to be apart from him and would be unable to find a lot of ways to distract herself and keep busy. He would make sure to call her every day and send her a lot of photographs of himself while he is on tour, going about mundane tasks such as cooking, taking walks etc. She would get a lot of comfort from this and would likewise love to send him photos of herself. When Jin enters the military, he buys her a puppy to keep her company, knowing how hard she will find it without him. During their time apart, she starts to suffer with depression, which she tries to hide from Jin, knowing he cannot be there to help her in person. Instead, she relies on her sister, who later betrays her trust by revealing some of these details to the press in exchange for money. This causes a lot of tension between the two families, and when Jin returns, he becomes very angry at Min-seo’s sister and confronts her, while also defending his wife to his own parents. This demonstrates that, once married, Jin puts his wife and future family above everything else, and would do anything to protect her. In future, especially once he has a family of his own, we see Min-seo and their daughter as occasionally joining Jin on tour to avoid long periods without each other. He would also encourage her to regularly speak to a professional and would be open for couples counselling, to help deal with handling that high level of fame and being in the spotlight, knowing it is nothing to be ashamed of and taking responsibility that it is him and his love for her, who has brought her into his lifestyle. 

Min-seo’s social media would be kept on private and she would only add close family and friends which would mean fans would get little satisfaction in terms of finding much information on her. 

Jeong-sun (& Suga)

Yoongi and Jeong-sun are a couple who naturally seemed to slip under people’s radar the first time they dated, despite never explicitly keeping it a secret from other people. They definitely enjoyed keeping each other to themselves to an extent; with their love mostly being played out behind closed doors where they could both be themselves and not have to put on a show for other people. As both of them would dress fairly ‘down’ when going out, on the few occasions they went on public dates, they would have not been noticed by the public and so had that level of privacy they both craved. However, as readers of their story will know, the more time they spent with other people not knowing they were together, the harder it became for them to ‘go public’, which caused a huge strain on their relationship. 

Likewise, they both found it incredibly difficult to handle his fame. Yoongi is someone who would find it very easy to become overwhelmed by the level of recognition he has achieved and the busy schedule which is set for them, and Jeong-sun for him was a source of solace and comfort when he came home from tour. When together, his fame is something they could both pretend wasn’t an issue and would avoid talking about; instead focusing on each other and pretending to lead ‘normal’ lives. When he had to go away on tour, it would feel as though they never could get enough time with each other, and despite talking on the phone, would not be the same. 

Jeong-sun, as a full-time pharmacy assistant at this point, would find herself exhausted most days from her job and the upkeep of her run-down apartment, meaning she could easily distract herself during the day. During the evenings, however, she would really miss normal things like cuddling with Yoongi and complaining about her day to him - just having him there with her. As she is quite solitary and does not have many ‘true’ friends, she would not have anyone who she could pour her feelings to when he was away. Likewise, she would not want to complain to him, as she knows there is nothing he could do about it and it would only make him feel more guilty. 

This eventually became too much for them both, with her feeling as though she was always waiting around for him to come home, and him seriously contemplating giving up his career to be with her. Jeong-sun recognised how this was going to play out before Yoongi seemed to, as his desperation to live a normal life where he could love her completely seemed to cloud his better judgement, so, despite breaking both their hearts, she had to break up with him. 

When they reunite, three years later and following his military enlistment, they would both be in a much better position to handle his fame and the fact he has already served means they would be able to look forward to a future together, without any barriers. As some of the members are still in the military, and some have not yet started to serve, his level of fame has naturally started to quieten down and he is personally at a point in his life where he can slow down without any regrets, and start to work on things he has always wanted to do, such as producing music for other artists. She is also considering a change in career which they both know will be stressful and a strain on her time, however, their lives seem to have finally synchronised a lot more, and their time apart and the very real possibility that they would never see each other again, would have taught them to never take each other for granted again. They want to start afresh and have learned from their mistakes the first time, so get to know each other’s families and friends early on, with no secrets. They would take pleasure in little, ‘domestic’ things that they missed the first time around, like kissing each other goodnight before going to bed and kissing each other goodbye when going to work. 

In terms of revealing their relationship to the wider public (eg. fans), we actually think by the time it became known they were an item, they would have already been married for around 2 years. We do not want to spoil this as we are going to reveal exactly how this happens in a mini fic soon (obviously set in the future), but we will say it wouldn’t have been a deliberate secret on their part, but as is natural with them, just something they didn’t feel the need to publicise. The fans would therefore be quite confused and a little startled to learn that Yoongi is not only dating, but married. (This is something we, as writers, find quite funny and very typically Yoongi, also because it would mean Jeong-sun would manage to escape a lot of the petty criticisms a lot of the other girlfriends might suffer at the hands of fans, because there would be absolutely nothing the jealous fans could do about it.)

We feel Jeong-sun does not really use social media, though might have some old accounts which show her from before they were dating. The information on there would likely be quite random and nothing fans could gather much from. 

Nana (& J-Hope)

Hoseok is someone who would not feel the need to keep his relationship private as he would feel he has nothing to hide. Likewise, he might overestimate the fans and not realise how critical they might be towards his girlfriend. Hoseok would unashamedly be seen with Nana on dates, at award shows and when picking her up from work. We feel most fans would see how happy they were together and be nice towards them, however, we do feel Nana could become quite upset if she read anything which criticised her looks or body (height/lack of breasts etc.), as this is something she already feels insecure about. Hoseok would want her to avoid reading gossip articles but she might, especially when already in a lousy mood, be tempted to deliberately read them. 

Likewise, we feel Nana would avoid some criticism from the parents of the children at her school for dating an idol. Mostly, this would stem from jealousy, but as it interferes somewhat with her professional life, she would find herself becoming more and more irritated by their judgemental behaviour. As Hoseok is naturally very optimistic and joyful, he would be able to calm her down when upset and always make her feel better, even if he sheds a tear or two of his own in the process (as seeing her upset is always enough for him to get upset too).

They would both find it hard to be without each other when he is on tour and, later, in the military and would both get so worked up that the reunion sex would be chaotically mindblowing (with lots of scratch marks, clothes being ripped off, ending up in every room of the house etc.). As she works during the day as a teacher and often has to stay late to mark work, they might not always get to call as often as they liked, especially if there was a time difference, but Nana would find her inbox full of cute selfies of Hoseok and interesting things he has seen during the day that he thinks she would like. Nana has plenty of hobbies to keep her occupied during the evenings such as crafts, soap making, card making, gardening, walking other people’s pets, etc. but would definitely find it hard without his warmth in bed at night. She might end up getting a hot water bottle or soft toy to cuddle for when he is away. 

As Nana is a teacher, she would be wary of using social media and would likely only have a ‘craft’ page to show off her work.

Ara (& Jimin)

We think Ara and Jimin would be quite open about their relationship very early on as they would both love the feeling of openly having a girlfriend/boyfriend and being able to do cute things together as a couple. As Ara is someone who was bullied by the girls at school, we think she would love the feeling of being seen with a good-looking guy who clearly loves her, and likewise, he would get a huge ego boost out of going to red carpet events with her on his arm. While Ara might receive some hate from fans to start with, once she trains as an Idol, we think there would be a lot of people who enjoyed ‘shipping’ them online, writing fanfictions and creating fanart etc. 

At first, Ara would find it really difficult to be away from Jimin when he was on tour and might end up having to stop herself from calling or texting him incessantly, knowing that she really has nothing to worry about and that even if he’s not talking to her 24/7 that he misses her too. Once she starts making music of her own, however, we feel it might start to become the other way around and Jimin might find himself becoming a little jealous of how popular she has become (and how much attention she is receiving from other guys). This would be something they would work through, with her reassuring her as he once did, that she loves him and only him. 

They would both handle fame quite well as a couple and would even enjoy the attention most of the time. 

Both Jimin and Ara would be fairly active on social media and fans would love reading clues into their relationship.

Cassandra (& V)

While their friends would know about their relationship and they would not ‘hide’ from the public, we feel Taehyung and Cassandra would mostly slip under the radar of fans as they would not frequent popular events together. Instead, they are likely to visit small, independent cafes and restaurants on dates and mostly keep to themselves. Among arthouse theatre goers, however, Taehyung would be a familiar face, often seen in the audience or at after parties. This would be something he really enjoyed, as it would make him feel like a really supportive boyfriend and also play into the more pretentious aspects of his personality. 

We do not want to reveal ‘too much’ about when it becomes obvious to the public they are dating as this will spoil future aspects of our work not yet written.

While they would definitely miss each other when they were away, we feel Cassandra might actually enjoy in some respects having some time alone. Their relationship is very intense and ‘full on’ while they are together, so being able to take a short break from that would be somewhat welcome. Taehyung would be more likely to struggle being away from her and would often call her/video call her, even just to hear her voice or see her face. He would love engaging in dirty talk on the phone or watching her masturbate and squirt on camera - giving her commands on what he wants her to do and teasing her on what he has planned when he gets back. As Cassandra occasionally goes abroad as part of her job, they both have to deal with a sometimes hectic schedule. We do feel that when they are both performing, they would love imagining the other is there in the audience, even if they are countries apart. 

Cassandra would likely have some social media pages to view off her artwork. There might be some more ‘artsy’ and ‘revealing’ pictures on there, taken from her art school days which might get some attention if found by fans.

Young-soon (& Jungkook)

As Jungkook is no stranger to many dating rumours and would understand how crazy certain fans could get about the idea of him having a girlfriend, he would be initially hesitant to reveal her to the public, but would likewise not want to shy away from being with her. Young-soon would be likewise cautious and only tell her closest friends. As she is older than him, she would fear being labelled a ‘cougar’ or ‘cradle snatcher’, and prior to agreeing to date him, she read a nasty article about his ex. girlfriend Jia, which made her quite worried. While they would love going to group dinners together where they know they will have some level of privacy, they would be quite selective on where they went for dates when it was just them. 

We do not want to reveal ‘too much’ about when it becomes obvious to the public they are dating as this will spoil future aspects of our work not yet written.

When Jungkook is away (or when Young-soon visits relatives abroad) we think Jungkook in particular would really struggle with missing her, but would distract himself by working out and messing around with his hyungs. He would be unable to stop himself from calling her, often forgetting the time difference and waking her up, just to tell her excitedly about his day and how much he misses her. While she wouldn’t want to admit it completely, she would likewise find it very difficult without him, often daydreaming at work and getting distracted while thinking about him. While she knows it is a bad habit, she would find herself reading articles about him/the group while abroad, making sure he was okay and not injured. 

Generally, she would be able to handle his fame quite well and can rely on her parents for emotional support when without him. Her parents love him almost as much as she does, and would be very understanding of why she missed him so much, sometimes preparing surprises for him at their house in Incheon for when he came home. 

Young-soon would be unlikely to post much on her social media pages, and the things she did would be likely quite mundane, giving fans little to go on.

***

Thank you so much for reading!

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

Our full masterlist can be found here

You can support us by buying admins a coffee here (if you wish). :)

[dontcare77ghj]

Snapshots

Stucky x reader

“Your stance is off again.” Bucky called from across the room. You made no sign of acknowledgement and continued to beat the red bag.  You didn’t hear him walk across the room to stand behind you, but you jumped when he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you close. “What’s wrong doll?”

“Nothing Buck.” You said leaning back into his chest. “Just tired is all.”

“When was the last time you slept properly?” He murmured running his fingers along your arms.

“When Stevie left. I just get worried when one of you goes out on missions and we get no contact. ” You replied quietly, looking down.

“I know the feeling doll.” You turned, wrapping your arms around his waist, and looked up at the man. The bags under his eyes were dark and he looked paler than normal, he looked as tired as you felt.

“I wish he’d come back sooner.” You whispered. Bucky nodded in agreeance, he held you for a few more minutes before unwinding your arms and leading you over to the mats. “What are you doing?”

“We’re going to get some sleep and stop being worrywarts.Steve will be fine, we just have to trust him and stop being stressed over nothing.” He answered as he laid down on the mats and pulled you on top of him. You were too tired to say anything in response, you feel your eyes getting heavier at the steady sound of his heartbeat. “Go to sleep doll he’ll be back soon.”

The two of you feel asleep like that quickly and didn’t register the flash of a camera coming from Clint’s nest. The two of you didn’t register Steve walking in and laying down beside you and wrapping his arms around the two of you before drifting off as well. The flash from the nest went off again and the archer stashed his phone and crawled out through the vents. He’d keep them for later.

“That’s too much sugar.” Steve scolded.

“No, it’s not.” Bucky argued with the blonde. “It’s a perfect amount.”

“It’s going to wreck your teeth.” The blonde stated crossing his arms. “Y/N back me up here.”

“It’s a cake Stevie. Live on the edge with us.” You smirked cracking the eggs. Bucky stuck his tongue out at Steve and kissed you sloppily on the cheek. “Gross Buck.” You crinkled your nose.

“I can live on the edge.” Steve pouted, you grinned at the tall man and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Sure, you can spangles.” You agreed craning your neck to look at him. Steve smirked at you before cracking an egg on your head. Bucky laughed loudly as yolk ran down your face, you glared at Steve and leaned backwards to grab flour which you flung at the blonde.

Steve spluttered in shock as you ran to hide behind the still laughing brunette.

“Y/N.” Steve whined.

“You kind of deserved it Steve.” Bucky said between gasps. You and Steve looked at each and nodded. You grabbed another handful of flour and Steve another egg which you two soon threw at the laughing brunette.

A full-blown food fight broke out. After a half hour of eggs being launched, flour being rubbed into hair and laughter echoing throughout the kitchen, the three of you sat slumped against the wall, breathless.

“Well that was fun.” You said sarcastically with a smile.

“Definitely.” Bucky agreed.

“Well it’s not going to much fun now because now we have to clean the kitchen.” Steve said moving to stand.

“And our Steve has resumed his regularly scheduled programming.” Bucky stated with a smirk.

“I say Steve should clean. He started this.” I say with a wide grin.

“You know what doll I think so.” Bucky said wrapping an arm around your waist. “Well there you go punk, have fun.”

“Now hang on a second.” The blonde started. “No, you two get back here.”

“Hurry up Stevie and you can join us in the shower. Love you.” You called as you were pulled out of the room.

Steve hurried after the two of you trying to get you to come back and help him, and Natasha smirked from her hiding place behind the wall. She had her phone out was smiling at the photo she’d taken. Steve held you in his arms, you were slightly off the ground and Bucky was coming toward you with the bag of flour. The three of you were all smiling and looked very much so in love. Yep she’d keep this for later.

“Well this is a nice surprise.” You said as you and Steve walked into your apartment. The two of you watched as your other boyfriend looked up from the small kitchen counter.

“It sure is.” Steve said from behind you. “What’s the occasion jerk?”

“I don’t need an occasion to do something nice for you two.” Bucky said while stirring the pots.

“The last time you tried to cook, you almost burnt your hair off.” Steve commented following you into the kitchen.

“One time.” Bucky mumbled under his breath while rolling his eyes.

“Don’t worry babe.” You chirped. “I believe in you.” You added as you sat yourself onto the unoccupied counter.

“And that’s why you’re my favorite.” He said to you. 

Turning to Steve you gave him a teasing smile and poked your tongue out. “ Sorry not sorry, Stevie.” 

Steve moved over to you and stood in between your legs. He brushed the hair back from your face, with a smile and leaned down to kiss you gently. The two of you gave each other short, gentle kisses, when Bucky sai something that shocked you.

“Marry me.”

Steve and you jumped apart to stare at the blushing brunette in shock.

“Shit, that’s not how that was supposed to come out.” He said shoving his face into his hands. “It was supposed to be this whole romantic dinner and I was going to say it over wine and I was going to give this speech I’ve been working on for weeks and now I’ve gone and ruined it all.” Bucky rambled, looking crestfallen.

“Hey stop that. “You said jumping down from the counter. “You didn’t ruin anything.” You continued wrapping you arms around the tall man.

“She’s right Buck. You just shocked us.” He added hugging Bucky from behind.

“But it was supposed to be perfect. That’s what you deserve.”

“No, we deserve you.” You told him firmly. “That’s all we need.”

“Exactly.” Steve agreed. “We don’t want perfect and we don’t need it. Frankly I don’t care where I am or what’s happening as long as I’ve got the two of you.”

“Steve’s not wrong there. I just need my boys and that’s all I could ever hope for. So, if your serious about marrying you, you’re not going to get a no from me.”

“Or me.”

“Wait here then.” Bucky said moving from your arms and running into your bedroom. “Y/N, Steve, I know I ruined the moment but to hell with it.” He said coming out of the room with his hands behind his back. “I don’t care whose name we take, or how were going to do this but will you two marry me?” He finished bending down on one knee as he pulled his out from behind his back. He held two rings one in front of you, and the other Steve.

Tears built up in your eyes at the sight before you. “Yes, you dummy.” You cried.

“Of course, jerk.” Steve responded at the same time. Bucky smiled as he stood, he first placed the ring on your finger and then Steve’s.

“Oh, crap now I’m crying.” You laughed as you were pulled into a kiss from Buck and then Steve. You watched as they kissed before pulling the two of them into a hug. The three of you stood there until you could smell Bucky’s meal burning.

“Maybe we should just order a pizza?” Steve asked as Bucky rushed to the stove. You laughed as Bucky nodded sadly.

“Don’t worry Buck, one day you’ll get it right.” You laughed.

“Finally.” Tony said from behind the monitor. He had gotten JARVIS to snap a photo of the exact moment Bucky had proposed. Of course, he knew about the proposal, he’s overheard as Bucky had asked Wanda to help him with the meal and decided he needed a photo for later.

“A toast the new throuple.” Tony called into the microphone, raising a champagne glass. Your big day was finally coming to an end, after months of stress and arguments over color and best man and maid of honor the day had arrived much faster than you thought.

The wedding had gone very smoothly. With Thor officiating, Sam as Bucky’s best man, Tony as Steve’s and Wanda and Natasha sharing the role of maid of honor, the whole team had had with the wedding as much as you three had.

Steve and Bucky looked as handsome as the day you’d met them and, in their eyes, you were as radiant as ever.

“And before we conclude the toasting’s the Avengers and myself have a surprise gift for the happy throuple.” Tony added with a smirk. The three of you turned to the rest of the team with questioning glances, to which they all just smiled at you. “Bucky, Steve Y/N, the three of you have been together for a long time and over the course of your long relationship the team and I have taken it upon ourselves to personally document your journey. So, without further ado we present your story.” He concluded and gestured behind him to a screen that had lowered in his speech.

What appeared to have been a, very well, edited home movie began playing. The song ‘Perfect’ narrated the flood of photos and videos of the three of you. Various photos of memories you would always hold dear and videos of days you couldn’t bear to forget flooded the screen.

The three of you napping in, random, various places, content looks plastered to your faces.

Bucky and you laughing at Steve who was covered in flour.

The three of you laughing and smiling, always laughing and smiling.

Bucky and Steve kissing both your cheeks.

Steve giving you a piggyback as you two ran from a smiling Bucky.

You and Steve covering Bucky’s arm with magnets.

And of course, Bucky’s proposal. A full video of the moment the three of you shared.

The video ended with claps and cheers from your family and friends, the three of you were grasping each other’s hand tightly. You turned to Steve and kissed him quickly before tuning to Bucky and repeating the action. You leaned back as your boys kissed each other and when they pulled apart you three of you made sure to always be touching some of part of each other the whole night.

Those were the snapshots of your love. Moments the three of you had shared together and would continue making for many years.

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[astxlphe-fics]

Odazai Week 2020 / Day 1 

Fantasy AU + Trust // In the lost and founds of his shop, Oda finds a witch trapped in a book

Word Count: ~3700

Content Warning: some suicide mentions

Oda rings up the customer, placing the tome she is buying on the counter.

The Magia Libertas is a small, unassuming bookshop in a small corner of Yokohama. Its location it’s collection of unique, second hand grimoires makes it popular with the local magical population.  

“Have you found everything you needed?” he asks.

The witch nods. “With no trouble! Though I’ll probably be back tomorrow to spend some time upstairs, I saw you received the first edition of Altiorem ? But someone was already consulting it.”  

Oda takes great care in gathering those books to make his library of rare books as complete as he possibly can. It’s situated on the second floor of his shop, and open to the public, which his patrons never fail to appreciate.

"See you tomorrow then.”

“See you!”

She leaves. She’s the last customer of the day, and now Oda can focus on his latest shipment — some of those one-of-a-kind books he’s found that he thinks could belong in the upstairs library.  

He pulls out the cardboard box. They are never large shipment, usually only a handful of books, and this one is no exception. With a quick move of his cutter, he tears the adhesive and opens it.

With no surprise, he finds five books, wrapped in thick brown paper and a bubble plastic sheet to protect them during transport.  Carefully pulling the protective sheets away, making sure not to rip then while taking off the tape, he inspects each and every one of them.

That done, he enters them in the computer and moves upstairs to put them in the correct shelves — and finds a scarf left on the back of a chair.

He picks it up and goes to put it in the lost and founds — its owner will probably come back tomorrow for it, or maybe another day, and Oda doesn’t want it to get irremediably lost. It’s a nice scarf.

In the lost and founds there is a book.

He frowns. Books taken off the shelves are either placed back where they belong or left lying on desks for Oda to classify again.

It’s a book he doesn’t recognise. It’s very thin, the cover is black leather, blank, but he finds the title on the spine. No Longer Human.  

Opening it, he checks inside the cover for a price or a number, but finds nothing— so it doesn’t come his shop or his library. Where from then? Who could have forgotten it?  

Under the title written on the first page, are the words Do Not Open.  

Raising an eyebrow, he promptly ignores them, flipping the pages — they are all blank of words, though covered with lines and circles, until around the middle of the book, where he finds a picture.

It’s a black and white photograph of young man with messy hair, wearing dark clothes. His eyes are closed, his chin in his hand, and his elbows seemingly resting on the picture’s frame. His mouth is set into a scowl, like the picture was taken as he was bored out of his mind.

Weird book.

Then, the picture moves, his eyes opening and a dark smile suddenly making its way on his face. “Hello! Looks like someone found me!”

+

His name is Dazai, he is a witch, and he can’t wait to get out of this book. At least that’s what Oda gathers during their first interactions.

“How did you end up in here?” Oda asks, and Dazai shrugs.

“A mystery! They must have caught me sleeping! I figured if I waited long enough, I would end up dying. I didn’t.”

“So, the only dying you did was of boredom.”

He grins, an amused glint in his eyes. “Exactly! Now I need to get out of here, so I can die properly, you know?”

“Die properly,” Oda repeats flatly, and Dazai nods with enthusiasm. How long has he been in this book, he wonders, that he now only wishes freedom to die?

“Will you help me, Odasaku?”

He blinks, surprised. Is that a nickname? Oda did tell Dazai his name, but nobody ever calls him anything but simply Oda.  

“I’m not a witch,” Oda remarks. It’s not quite true, he simply hasn’t used magic in over a decade, though Dazai doesn’t need to know that. “I doubt I could be of much use.”

“Nonsense! You seem a perfectly capable —” He trails off, staring at the books lined on the shelves of the upstairs library. “— librarian.”

“Bookseller,” Oda corrects. “I sell tomes and grimoires, and collect rare books. You ended up in my lost and founds.”

“I see.” He taps his chin. “So, will you pull me out of my book?”

There are thousands of reasons Oda should say no.  

First of all, he doesn’t know this guy — maybe he doesn’t even exist, maybe it’s just an elaborate prank. And even if he isn’t, how did he end up in the book anyway? Unless he did it to himself, which is probably not possible anyway, someone probably had a reason to put in him there in the first place.

It seems to be a pretty effective way of getting rid of someone without the messiest and most annoying part — the disposing of the body. A good location for body disposal is always a pain to find. There is always some nosy guy to hang out in secluded areas.

This man is probably dangerous. Or maybe it’s a trap for whomever opens the book, or for Oda himself— he’s sure he still has plenty of enemies out there.

“Sure.”

+

“Morning~”  

“Good morning Dazai,” Oda answers, sitting at the desk. “Slept well?”

On the paper, Dazai laughs and knocks at the frame of his picture.  “Great, I got to stare at the ceiling all night. I saw a spider.” Then, he crosses his arms and leans on the frame. “So, found anything?”

“In my sleep? Unlikely.”

It’s been a few days now — a week and a half since Oda pulled this book out of the lost and founds, two weeks since he opened it to find Dazai trapped inside.

“Yesterday,” he says, “we tried to use the counter spell to a regular containment curse, and it didn’t work.”

“And so, it didn’t.”

Oda flips through one of the books he’s borrowed from the library. “But it has to be some kind of containment curse,” he notes.  “Or you wouldn’t be contained, in the first place. So far, I’ve found nothing about anyone being contained in a book, though —” he looks down at Dazai’s picture. “Are you sure you are not fictional?”

“I’m not!” He pouts. “I’ve been stuck in here for way too long to be fictional.”

“How long have you been here anyway?”

Dazai shrugs. “Could be anywhere between five years and five centuries.” At Oda’s deadpan stare, he smiles. “Joking! It’s been 56 575 days, I’ve been counting.”

It takes a few minutes for Oda to make the right calculation. “You have been here for over a century.”

“A hundred and fifty-five years,” Dazai corrects.  

Which means, if Dazai’s memories serve him right, he has been in this book since 1865. “It’s a long time. Especially if you can’t sleep.”

Dazai stays silent for a short while. “Maybe,” he finally says.

1865. One hundred and fifty-five years. What kind of spells were in use back then?  

The answer is in the book, obviously. He has about two hours before he opens up shop, and he uses this time to copy down the spell written on the pages — what he’s thought, at first, to be nonsensical lines and circles. Hopefully, Dazai will recognize them, or Oda will find those in some of the books in the library.

As long as Oda doesn’t activate the spell, he supposes it’s safe for him to copy it.

He makes a mental note to look into his books from about the mid-19th century — they potentially hold the answers he is looking for.

About half an hour before he is scheduled to open, he puts his pen down and shows the paper to Dazai. “Looks familiar?”

The witch stares at it in silence, and blinks slowly. Then, his face contorts into an annoyed grimace. “Fyodor,” he mutters. “The base is a containment curse, sure, but most of it is a custom-made pattern created by that rat. I messed with it, back then.” He leans back, grinning darkly. “We will be able to crack it in a few days once we can see the full array.”

Oda nods. It’s not like Dazai has anything else to do anyway.  

“I’ll open the shop now. Have fun.”

+

Sometimes, the kids finish school early and visit Oda at the shop. It happens pretty regularly — they come at the back and stay in the private areas of the shop, distracting themselves with books, the TV or a game console — but over the past week Oda managed to hide Dazai from them.

Until today.

Today Oda closes shop and enters the back room to find all five children gathered around the book.

“And so,” Dazai is saying, “he turned into a giant creature.”  

“How?” Sakura asks, fascinated.

“Well, you see, he had been badly cursed by a dark witch, which meant that as soon as the moonlight shone, he would transform into a bloodthirsty beast.”  

The children gasp, and Shinji hides his face behind his hands. “So?? What happened?”

“Don’t worry,” Dazai goes on, “for our hero met a talented man, who could, with a single spell, cancel the curse for a short amount of time. And the charitable soul he was thought what a shame it would be for such a nice young man to be cursed forever, so together they went to see a venerable witch, who could help break the curse.”

“Wait, who is that?”

“A man well-known throughout the land, by light and dark witches alike, for his kindness and his habit of helping people who needed it! They travelled far to find him, and to be free of his curse, the young man had to prove that he was worthy of it. He did, in the end, and was allowed to turn the curse into a gift.”

“And what happened to the dark witch?”

“This one? Well, they were locked away in unbreakable prison, so they could never plot against the innocent ever again.”

The kids cheer, and Oda claps slowly, bringing Dazai’s attention on him. “Having fun?”

“Oh, hello Odasaku~ I found those innocent little grasshoppers here.”

“More like they found you.” He ruffles Kousuke's hair. “Go get your things, kids, we will be going home soon.”

They all got to their feet and left the room, chatting loudly between themselves. Oda picks the book up from the floor where the kids put it down and sets it back on the desk.

Dazai sighs loudly. “I’m so happy you got there, Odasaku!” he whines. “They just...got there and telling them a story was the only way they wouldn’t put their sticky fingers all over my picture.”

“So, the great witch has found his match, uh? A gaggle of elementary school children.”

“You are laughing at me.” He narrows his eyes as Oda shakes his head. “You are! Don’t laugh at me!”

Oda doesn’t laugh, but finds the situation amusing anyway.  

+

The few books Oda finds mentioning Dazai describe him as some sort of monster, a devil prodigy, part of a coven of dark witches ruling the city’s underground businesses.

A man who murdered without a flinch, whose enemies’ greatest misfortune was that they were his enemies.

He checks the name twice to make sure. There is a picture — this one isn’t alive, he pokes it a few times just in case, and it's his Dazai all right.

On this photograph he looks younger, just as tired, and his eyes are dark and seem to be looking straight at Oda, empty and lost and bored like a child who doesn’t except anything of life anymore.

His finger traces the edge of the face on the picture. 

(He and Dazai, they’re not that different, in the end.)

+

“I looked you up, you know — Dazai Osamu, witch during the mid 19th century.”

“Ah, and what did you find? I’m curious about how I’m remembered, now that you mention it.”

“You’re pretty infamous.” Not remembered by many, but known in some tight circles . “I found several mentions of you in some of the obscure books in my collection.” He sits at the desk, starring evenly at Dazai. “A dark witch, with an impressive body count.” He pours himself a drink. “Went missing and was never seen again.”

“Well, that’s just not true.” He smiles, though it’s different from usual. It’s strained — and it’s more genuine than all his previous smiles put together. “You see me, don’t you?”

And Oda nods, slowly. “I do.”

+

“What will you do once you are out of the book?” he asks. “Do you have plans?”

“Suicide,” Dazai answers easily as he carefully studies the experimental array Oda is showing him — a result of researches in Oda’s old books and in Dazai own memories. “A wonderful, freeing death.”

“Won’t you want revenge?”

“Whatever for?”

“You were imprisoned against your will. Witches live far longer than humans, so I suppose you still have a shot. You remember who did it, don’t you?” He remembers Dazai mentioning a name, the first time he showed him the array.

“Fyodor.” He scowls — and it makes him look more like the other pictures of him Oda has found, the pictures of the murderous witch.  

“Who was—”

“A witch hunter,” Dazai explains, “who was a witch himself. He came for the covens of Yokohama with the intent of destroying us.” He lets out a short, dry laugh. “He failed, obviously, but he kept coming back again and again and, in the end, figured out I was the only one who could always see through his plans. So, he locked me away.” His eyes glint maliciously. “I couldn’t escape it, but I made sure he wouldn’t either.”

“You said you didn’t know how you were imprisoned?”

“I lied, obviously. You didn’t think I would trust you with the truth right away, did you? For shame, Odasaku, for shame!” He shakes his head.  

It makes sense, Oda thinks, though the admission that Dazai trusts him makes his chest warm.  

“I had very little time to read his full array,” Dazai goes on, “all I needed to do was to make sure it would turn against him.”

“If you go down, he goes down with you.”

“Exactly.”

Does that mean there is a book out there with a murderous witch hunter in it as well?

Brilliant.

Then Dazai shrugs. “I had a plan, of course! If this city is still around, I’m guessing they carried it out and he was defeated again. No need for revenge.” He stays silent for a second, and Oda wonders who is this they. Friends? Does Dazai miss anyone from his time? “Besides, I’m tired. I used to wait for death, but I think I’ll just kill myself instead.”

“But what if you didn’t?”

“What else would I do?”

“I don’t know — go back to the life you used to have or find your friends?”

“Oh, no way!” He shakes his head wildly. “And can you imagine? Going back after so long? The hat-rack will never let me hear the end of it.”

Did his people even look for him after his disappearance?

Oda pauses, thinking. “You could try to leave criminality behind and use magic to help people?”

He’s read everything Dazai did, and actually believes the stories — Dazai himself didn’t deny them. But a hundred and fifty-five years is a long time and Oda himself isn’t the most stellar kind of person, so writing Dazai off as a lost cause feels unjust.

“Does it really matter?” Dazai hums, looking pensively at the top frame of his picture. “The point of life is that you die at the end of it.”

“Maybe,” Oda tells him, because he kind of has a point. “But isn’t it why people will find purpose to their life and a reason to stay alive? Wouldn’t you want that?”

“No,” he shrugs, sounding oddly resigned, “sounds tiring. I just want to be free.”

Maybe he doesn’t, maybe he simply doesn’t want to be alone anymore, after losing his old life, after waiting for death for so long, after a hundred and fifty-five years of isolation. Maybe he thinks Oda will let him go and forget about him once they’re done.

But Oda won’t. He refuses to.

“And if I help you find one, would you give it a try?”

“To do what?” His laughter grates at Oda’s ears. “Open a bookshop?”

“Or stay in this one with me.”

That makes Dazai stare at him in silence for a while, before he shrugs. "Let’s just get back to work.”

+

Dazai is pretty quiet for the next few days.

They keep working on cracking Fyodor’s spell — it seems like it’s more complicated than Dazai made it sound like — but Oda has trouble pulling conversations out of him that don’t concern it.

Finally, Oda decides to speak. One of them has to do the talking, or it’ll be awkward forever. “I used to be a witch hunter,” he starts, and Dazai’s mouth snaps shut and his teeth clack together.

“You?”  

Oda nods at Dazai’s incredulity. “Sure. Even after witch hunting became illegal, many people were still willing to pay to have a witch killed. The rate went up, actually, I made quite a bit of money out of it.”

Dazai blinks. “I didn’t take you for the murdering kind of guy — are you going to kill me once I get out of the book? Please be gentle then~"

He shakes his head. “I stopped killing witches years ago, I’m not planning to start again. It’s why I don’t use magic anymore — I used it only to kill, so it has no purpose now.”

“That’s a shame, I won’t deny being kindly murdered by Odasaku would be quite pleasant.”

For him, maybe. Oda can’t think of any perks that comes with killing Dazai. The kids would be sad, and it would defeat the purpose of helping him find a point in life.

Then, Dazai peers at him suspiciously. “Wait, you said you weren’t a witch.”

“I lied,” Oda shoots back. “Obviously.” He smiles as Dazai bursts into laughter. “What I’m saying,” he elaborates, “is that I’ve been there and you can find something to do with yourself other than dying. I’m not pretending to be an example — I’m a terrible person — but dying is—” painful “—profoundly unfunny, especially for witches.”

They’re more resistant. Tougher than humans. Harder to kill.

Dazai still looks without a care in the world — but Oda knows better than to be fooled by it now. Dazai is considering it, he’s thinking about what Oda is offering. Oda wonders if it’s because it’s been over a century since someone genuinely worried about him and wanted his company.

"What will I do,” Dazai asks, “if I don't kill myself?”

“I don’t know,” Oda answers. “What would you like for us to do?”

+

They find the counter spell within the next few days. “That’s it,” Dazai says and he grins, eyes twinkling. “Now you just need to cast it.”

“All right.” He stands, and clears up the room. He pushes the desk against the wall, clears the floors of any stray papers and takes of the carpet. Then, he sets the book high enough so that Dazai can see what he’s doing and start tracing the array.

Spoken spells are volatile and anything could get it to overload. The wrong inflection on a word, too much fear, too much anger, too much anything. They are easy, though, to memorize and to cast.

Drawn spells, on the other hand, may be tricky — a single mistake can get it to blow in your face — but they’re reliable and difficult to tamper with. That Dazai managed to do it, all those years ago, is impressive.

“It’s perfect,” Dazai tells him when he’s finished.

Taking a step back, Oda sets the book at the center of it, and glances down at him. “Ready?”

“Is it worth it?” Dazai asks instead of answering.

It doesn't take long for Oda to know what it truly is about. About changing your goals. Going down a road you never considered before. Oda think about the kids, about the bookshop, about Dazai, and nods.

Dazai raises an eyebrow, then grins. “Let’s go, then.”

Brushing the array with the tip of his fingers, Oda focuses. He’s a witch too, though he hasn’t used magic in years, though he has killed countless of other witches.  

For so long, he has used magic for the wrong purposes. He stopped using it as he stopped killing, not seeing what use it could be — it’s a weapon, to him, an instrument of death.

But today he’s using it to save Dazai, and that, maybe, can turn it into a gift.

The array lights up, and the book bursts into flames.

“Dazai!” He can only stay frozen as the fire grows, heat washing over his face, barely noticeable against the ice-cold dread gripping his stomach. Then he springs on his feet and runs forward, looking for the book before it burns entirely, taking Dazai with it.

His fingers don’t find it — but they close around something softer than a hard cover, and it squeezes his hand as well until Oda pulls, tripping, tumbling onto his back while it falls on top of him.

The fire dies down as fast as it started, leaving behind a pile of ash and a very familiar man sitting on top of Oda’s stomach. He looks down, wide eyed, and Oda, breathless, raises his hand to rest it on his cheek.

Dazai leans into the touch. His hand rests on top of Oda’s and he smiles shakily. “Hello,” he says and his voice is low, like something is stuck in his throat.

“Hello,” Oda responds in kind, before he pulls him down and kisses him. Dazai’s breathe is warm on his face — he is breathing, truly breathing — and his lips are soft and real. Dazai collapses on his chest and Oda wraps his arm around him, pulling him close, not minding the hard wood under them, because Dazai is alive. “Stay with me.”

His laughter rings into the office, louder and brighter than ever. “What else would I do?”

[coatcymbal7-blog]

Ideology Break

Utilizing A Lawyer To Create Your Will

Content

If You Don'T Want To Use A Solicitor

Indication Your Will Before Witnesses.

To Identify That Will Care For Your Minor Kid

Key Papers To Have Together With Your Last Will And Also Testimony.

When Should You Obtain Legal Advice To Prepare Your Will?

Complete An Inheritance Tax Type.

What Is Probate?

What To Get Out Of Your Solicitor

These charges will still use if the estate is very straightforward, or if a lot of the probate job is done by somebody else. These solutions are usually under ₤ 100, and even free, yet you may later find you pay with the nose in hidden fees. If you do not wish to spend for a solicitor, yet would certainly such as some support, you can think about using a will-writing service. If your estate is rather complicated, a great legal representative could be able to aid you think about putting assets right into trust. The lawful costs will possibly be higher these instances, yet will depends on can significantly reduce your estate's estate tax bill.

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web based Funeral plans Bristol should likewise contact the person's lawyer, accounting professional or bank to see if they hold the will. Also if you can't discover a certificate of deposit, you can still talk to the Registry to see if they hold the will. If the individual passed away in a treatment home or a medical facility you could check to see if the will was entrusted to them. Although it will be lawfully legitimate also if it is not dated, it is advisable to guarantee that the will also consists of the date on which it is authorized. A witness or the married partner of a witness can not take advantage of a will.

You can likewise choose to create the will on your own and also have an expert testimonial it, which will commonly be for a lesser cost. Whether you most likely to a solicitor, will writer or bank, easy wills start from concerning ₤ 80 and rise to a number of hundred pounds. Before writing a will, it deserves considering that will inherit your most important assets and any various other long for your estate. We appreciate it is a small relocation, but it is a shift in the ideal instructions, and also I am thrilled to state that our Member solutions continue to be steadfast.

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Indication Your Will In Front Of Witnesses.

What makes Will invalid?

If the court finds that fraud or undue influence were involved in the creation of your will, it will be deemed invalid. Common situations could include: A family member getting the testator to sign a will by pretending it is just a general legal document that needs a signature.

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To Establish That Will Look After Your Minor Children

This is to make sure that, if your will is ever contested in the future, your witnesses can testify that they watched you authorize your will. At Farewill, we bill simply ₤ 90 for a single will or ₤ 140 for a couples will. And also with our limitless upgrade service, you can make changes to your will anytime for just ₤ 10 a year. If you currently have a will from a solicitor or an additional service provider, there's a high opportunity that they'll ask you to pay if you want to transform or upgrade it. In many cases, this could end up setting you back over ₤ 150-- and you still won't have a simple method to update it in the future.

If a witness is a recipient, the will is still legitimate but the beneficiary will not be able to inherit under the will. It is very important to select executors with substantial care given that their job entails a good deal of job and responsibility. It's additionally worth you providing some thought to what you wish to say in the will before seeing a lawyer.

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You will require to provide the complete name of the individual that passed away, the date probate was granted and also the name of the registry office where it was issued. You can purchase a duplicate of a will or grant of probate at any kind of district probate computer system registry. A basic search by the Probate Computer system registry will cover a 4 year period as well as a fee is payable. If you most likely to the Probate Computer system registry to do the search yourself, no charge is made, yet you still need to pay to obtain a duplicate of the give of probate and also the will, if any kind of.

If you are self-isolating but need people to witness as well as sign your will, it's unbelievably crucial that you don't place it off. To navigate this, you can schedule both of your witnesses to view through a closed window as you authorize your will-- it's important that they exist at the exact same time for this. To make your will lawfully binding you require to make certain it's signed together with 2 witnesses. It's truly essential that both witnesses enjoy you sign your will at the very same time, then they also require to include their own information and also trademarks.

Wills storage space business take care of files in a similar fashion to solicitors. The majority of fee on a membership basis, and also levy additional charges if your will needs to be altered. If you choose a lawyer, wills storage business or your bank, ask if there are any type of charges to access the will to make adjustments, or for the executor after you pass away. If your bank will not enable you to assign your very own executor within the will writing service, it might be best to look somewhere else. Despite reasonably straightforward estates, you could be billed a high percent of the estate, perhaps 5% to serve as single or joint administrator.

How long after death is a will read UK?

In general, it takes around 9-12 months for the deceased's affairs to be settled and the estate distributed to its beneficiaries in accordance with the Will. It is not the person with whom matters of the estate are discussed as these duties fall to the Executor of the Will.

Enhance your organization with a series of price cuts, services and products. Around 70% of UK people who passed away last year didn't leave a will. We can talk through your scenario, respond to any kind of questions you have and supply you with a free quote over the phone. If you enjoy to proceed with our service, we'll prepare a follow-up telephone call with a will writer each time that's practical for you.

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We'll then put in the time to formulate your will prior to getting it expertly printed, bound and also sent to you in the message. With our upgrade service, you can make unrestricted updates to your will.

When Should You Get Lawful Recommendations To Draft Your Will?

In addition to writing the will, a lawyer will normally save it for you free of charge. That stated, if your scenario is complicated, looking for expert suggestions can be a good suggestion, as it's very simple to make a mistake that might make your will void or uncertain.

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A new IHT allowance of ₤ 125,000 might use if you possess a home as well as leave a few of your estate to loved ones like kids and also grandchildren. By making a Will, you can make sure that concerns like that will inherit your estate as well as who will care for your children are identified by you and also not the regulation. Unfortunately, the results of this might not be what you would certainly have meant. In the UK, it is approximated that approximately 72% of individuals lack a Will, an alarmingly high number. Without a Will, you risk leaving essential, personal issues regarding your estate to be decided by the law.

There is no demand for a will to be formulated or experienced by a lawyer. Nevertheless, you need to just take into consideration doing this if the will is going to be straightforward. Viability for a home check out is dependent on the dimension as well as complexity of the estate, as well as will be assessed on the preliminary phone call.

Making Use Of A Solicitor To Write Your Will

I'm single or solitary with no children.Even if you lived with your partner, your making it through companion stands to acquire nothing.

Anything over this amount will be shared to name a few making it through blood family members in order of distance, eg, parents, siblings, half-siblings and so on

. I'm unmarried or single with children.Even if you lived with your companion, your surviving companion does not inherit.

https://oxfordshire.wills4less.co.uk/funeral-plans/ above this amount is called the residue as well as will be shared between the enduring partner as well as the enduring children.

If there is greater than one child, the surviving companion gets a 3rd of the deposit.

Numerous hundreds of individuals pass away yearly without having a will, known as intestacy, making it extra complicated for family and also enjoyed ones left behind.

Your estate will be shared in between your enduring moms and dads and also if they are not active, it will go to your closest blood family member, eg, your sibling or sister.

I'm married or in a civil collaboration with no children.The very first ₤ 450,000 of the estate and also individual properties, consisting of cars, will go to the surviving companion.

To find out more about probate, seeDealing with the monetary affairs of a person who has actually passed away. Any type of evident alterations on the face of the will are thought to have been made at a later day and so do not form component of the initial legally valid will.

What is the best online will Maker?

Best online will makers for 2020Best for first-timers. view online . See at Rocket Lawyer. Best for advanced users (or frequent updaters) Nolo Quicken WillMaker and Trust. See at Nolo. Best service for creating a super basic will. DoYourOwnWill. See at Trial Data. Best for young families. Fabric. See at Fabric. LegalZoom. See at LegalZoom.

If you choose to compose a will with a lawyer on the high street rather, you would likely require a codicil to change your will. Nevertheless, if you want to change greater than 10% of your will, you'll likely be recommended to make a new will instead to stop the modifications from being tested in the future. The price of making a will over the phone is ₤ 120 for a single will or ₤ 190 for pairs. This enables you to talk everything through a professional to make certain your will is tailored to your particular demands.

We provide a bespoke Will writing service to businesses of all shapes and sizes as part of their advantages packages for their workers. Your will will be stored securely as well as securely, as well as you'll have access to it whenever you desire. There's additionally telephone support from our wills professionals, and also the alternative to send your administrator information of where it is being kept.

What Is Probate?

They will inspect their documents to see if a give of probate has actually been made in the twelve months before your application, and they will remain to check for six months after that. When probate is given, the will is kept by the Probate Service as well as any kind of member of the general public can get a duplicate. If there is a will, this authorisation is called a give of probate. When someone dies, the individual that is dealing with their estate has to normally obtain authorisation to do so from the Probate Service. If you can't discover a will, you will typically need to take care of the estate of the individual that has died as if they died without leaving a will.

Is the free will kit really free?

Yes! Your Free Will Kit will be delivered to you at no-cost, no purchase necessary.

What To Expect From Your Solicitor

If you do not make a will, you will die 'intestate' and also your estate may not most likely to individuals you want. There are unique rules for how your estate will be distributed these are called intestacy regulations. Our probate and tax professionals can additionally inspect that your Will is structured in the most effective method for your estate and also have the ability to encourage on any kind of amends where required.

[chenoehi]

Going to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to talk about some things that are honestly getting under my skin. But first.

This song, "Tonight," the one that Kim Seokjin worked his ass off to produce, his own first self-produced song, the one he wrote thinking about the pets he has lost which he is still very upset about,

this song hasn't received half the support from this fandom that the two previous solo songs received.

No one likes to hear that the hyung line gets recognized less often and most likely, very likely, quite probably has fewer fans than the maknae line individually or combined. No one likes to hear anyone mention the discrepancies with the numbers for "Tonight" versus "Promise," or "Scenery." All anyone wants to say is, 'those songs have been out longer, duh, that's why they have more streams, Jin will get there'. That's very astute. Very wise observation. Incredible intelligence. The intelligence is very good. (- my best Trump impression.)

Real talk?

How about instead we consider the fact that "Tonight" from the very first week was less streamed. The first day it broke some record, Jimin's I think, for 24 hour streams, and I watched as it peaked at 8 million streams and then slowly crept to where it is now at not even 15 million streams after being out for one month.

Just look at where "Tonight is at one month versus the others at 6 months and < 6 mo. Divide those streams by the # of months each solo has been out and you'll get a very rough estimate of how many times the song has been streamed per month.

You'll see it's a hell of a lot more than 14 million.

It genuinely frustrates me when I see fans pushing to increase those numbers and still creating streaming parties for songs that have been out for months, songs that were just released for our enjoyment, they were a gift. And people are still streaming them like it's war.

And what's worse is that I'm seeing some of you guys say that these songs weren't streamed that hard in the beginning because they were unexpected or because we didn't know there was a record to break, and I'm sorry but I have to call bullshit on that. I have to call bullshit because I was one of the countless people streaming all day long and not even listening at times because we wanted to show support. You're absolutely goddamn right it wasn't about beating Drake's unknown record. We just wanted to show support. So yes, countless among us streamed it all day long, listened to it until we had the words memorized because we were just so surprised and happy and how else are we supposed to show the artist what the gift meant if we don't stream their song. The ridiculous battle mentality started when the other song was released and the intention from many people was to beat the previous record. It became malicious. It's unnecessary to pit artists within the same group and their songs against each other and that's what some people tried to do. And when that happened some of us streamed harder too. So to say the numbers for the previous solo songs are not a reflection of aggressive support, aggressive support which Seokjin probably will not receive any time soon if "Tonight" is an indicator, is just absolute bullshit. We all watched that happen. I'm still seeing it happen. But some people trust that public memory is forgetful. They're right.

The takeaway?

Seokjin deserves more from this fandom.

And I don't care who this post offends. I'm proud of them all and I stream all of their songs. But for fucks sake. This is basically shameful he put that much into this song and this is the result.

And I don't see anyone-not any damn one of you-raving about how the members aren't hyping him up on social media and about how we haven't heard barely anything about the song since it was released minus Namjoon mentioning he helped with it. And we all know how some of you like to rant and rave about OT7 and a lack of support from bangtan when certain members put out solo projects.

Only certain members. The silence is deafening for Seokjin.

It's times like these when I get disgusted with the transparency of this fandom and why I will absolutely no longer even pretend to have a bias, even for fun. I hate the entire everything about bias culture. When I got into them and found out this was a chunk of what kpop was about, this culture of picking sides, it was the most immature bunch of nonsense I've ever seen. I've never understood it and I've always seen it as a gateway to toxicity. Anytime I talk to an ARMY privately as friends they want to know who my bias is before they know anything else, as if that would tell them all they needed to know. There was a time when I almost wouldn't talk to this one ARMY because she had taekook in her @ (can you imagine the stupidity of that philosophy) when come to find out she was very sweet and actually wasn't even a shipper. There was a member who introduced me to the group and he has a special place as my recruitment fairy, but do you guys even know what the meaning of the word bias means?

Here, I'll just:

You know, the word bias gets thrown around pretty easily and it's really not that positive.

.

I love bangtan. I like them as people, their music, and they came into my life when I needed a life preserver. I don't know what I would be doing right now if I didn't have bangtan content. But what comes with stanning them is a lot of bullshit. And that sucks.

The whole bias culture, the culture of calling people solo stans the minute the speak up about a member, antis when they bring up hate a different member faces and that no, it's not all skewed to one person in bangtan, this culture of clapping back with fancams on Twitter to be 'sassy' and to look cool 'win', this culture of posting a solo song and saying "stream x for clear skin and good grades" to 'win' or provoke someone else: I wonder if any fandom is better than that, I doubt it.

[kittysukagasterfics]

Sweet Sounds

Notes: Thank you everyone for all the notes on the last fic. After that depressing episode, we’re back on our regularly schedule fluff. Onto the fic!

Handplates belongs to: @zarla-s

Requested by @randomstuff7739

Summary: Singing to Gaster and the brothers seems to be on the Human’s agenda today! Will they inspire Gaster to finally sing the skeleton song?

    “*You sing a sweet song you heard one time.” “*Sending love, from a lover’s aching heart~ To which, you are the cause~”

     The Human sang as they absentmindedly doodle on a piece of paper. Gaster had to leave for a while so he locked them and the brothers in the cell until he got back. Until then, he left a small box containing some food for all of them, puzzles, and other miscellaneous things to keep them occupied. One of the things in the box was paper and pencils which the Human decided to use.     

     The brothers were currently playing with the color cube, or at least they were until the Human singing. The brothers listened with interest as they sang the sweet melody to no one in particular. They were, of course, curious about it.

    “hey, they’re doing that thing where your voice goes up and down. he called it ‘singing’, right?”   

    “YEA! THEY SOUND REALLY PRETTY, TOO!”    

    “do you think they’ll let us do that with them if we ask?”    

    “OF COURSE THEY WILL! THEY’VE BEEN REALLY NICE TO US FOR A WHILE NOW.”   

    “i guess...”    

    “HUMAN, MAY WE SING WITH YOU, TOO? PLEASE?”     

     The Human looked up at the question and nodded, smiling happily as they motioned the brothers over.

    “*You ask them if they remember the song you sang to Gaster one time.”

    “um, yea...”

    “I REMEMBER IT, TOO!”

    “*You say that you’ll start. They nod in understanding...” “*Voices called from the void, asking your name~”

    “you’re too hurt inside to an-swer~”

    “THE VOICES DRY UP YOUR TEARS, EACH FALLEN TEAR~”

    The three of them sang together in almost perfect harmony. When they were done, the brothers wanted to sing another song, but by that time Gaster had returned. He let them out of cells to play for a bit while he just observed and wrote down notes on his clipboard. They weren’t doing much, the Subjects were just watching the Human sing for some reason. He was about to jot something down when he heard the Subjects start to join in. Giving a small sigh, he wrote a small note to the side:

     ‘Subjects seem to have picked up the Human’s interest in music.’

     Gaster continued writing notes until the Human asked him a question:

    “*You asked Gaster to sing the skeleton song for you and the brothers.” ‘*He looks shocked by the request.”

    “What? No, Human, I will not.”

    “*You repeat your request.” “He gives you a stern look...”

    “I said no, Human. Go back to singing with the Subjects.”

     The Human gave a small pout but complied and went back over the brothers. They had fun singing with the Human, even though they forgot the lyrics most of the time. They also enjoyed listening to them as well. Even when the Human took a break from singing to talk to Gaster, they continued humming and singing.

     Eventually, Subject 1 fell asleep and Subject 2 carried him while he slept. Gaster tried to get him to sleep also but he was insistent on carrying and looking after his brother.

    “2=P, you need to go to sleep. Otherwise, you’re going to be cranky during tests tomorrow.”

    “I DON’T GET CRANKY! WHO WILL WATCH HIM WHILE THE HUMAN’S WITH YOU?”

    “He’ll be fine, you need to sleep as well. Now, no more arguing and go to bed.”

     Subject 2 was still hesitant, causing Gaster to sigh and turn to the Human for reluctant help.

    “I don’t suppose you have any songs for getting children to sleep, do you?”

    “*You tell him you actually do...if he would allow you to sing it.”

    “Be my guest, Human. He’s obviously not going to listen to me anytime soon...”

     The Human walked over to Subject 2 and gave him a pat on the head, which he shook his head at in protest.

    “NO! DON’T DISTRACT ME, PLEASE! I DON’T WANT TO DROP HIM!”

    “*You ask him if he wants to hear another song...he looks interested now...”

    “WELL...OK, BUT DON’T SING TOO LOUDLY! I DON’T WANT TO WAKE HIM UP.”

     They sat down and gently pulled both of the brothers into their lap, making sure they were comfortable. Gaster raised an eyebrow at this but kept observing them as the Human began singing.

    “*Golden slumber, full of light~ Sleep claims you as theirs tonight~”

     Subject 2′s eyes began to close a little, but he still managed to keep awake.

    “HUMAN, YOUR VOICE IS MAKING ME TIRED!”

    “*Holding you with love and dreams~ You’ll awake to golden gleams~”

     He had loosened his grip on Subject 1 but still refused to sleep. Meanwhile, Gaster was taking notes on it.

    ‘When singing in a softer tone, the Human is able to put anyone to sleep.’

    “MMM...HUMAN...”

    “*Visions of hope revealing~ A pure and joyful feeling~”

     Subject 2 was quiet now, his breathing becoming even and at ease. The Human continued singing, however, just to make sure.

    “*Even when solemn bells ring~ Lullabies I’ll still sing~”

      Subject 2 finally fell fast asleep and the Human put him and his brother in the cell. After Gaster locked it, they both walked to his work desk. He had gotten used to them choosing to stay up late with him. As long as they didn’t mess up or distract him from his work, he could care less. Given today’s behavior, it didn’t surprise him that they wanted to sing to him.

     “*Love so far, how the stars, twinkle in your eyes~ Tell me it’s not good-bye~”

    “Hmm...”

    “*You ask him if he can sing you the skeleton song, now.” “*He doesn’t even look up...”

    “Why this question again, Human? I’ve already told you ‘no’. ...Besides, I honestly don’t want you singing it to the Subjects...”

    “*You reassure him that you won’t sing it to them if he’s uncomfortable with it.”

    “Well...unlike most humans, you have proved yourself that you can be trusted, despite your constant touching of the Subjects. Although, this song is more of a lullaby than an actual song...”

    “*You tell you’re fine with that.” 

     Gaster sighed, knowing that the Human wasn’t going to give up so easily. He wasn’t exactly sure why they wanted to hear it in the first place. Possibly just to hear him sing? He couldn’t say exactly. But, if that’s what they wanted, who was he to deny them?

    “Alright, fine, Human. Just don’t think about laughing at me, alright?

    After getting a thumbs up from them and having them lay on his shoulder, Gaster closed his eyes, trying to remember the lyrics.

    “Sleep, baby bones, sleep~ Rattle your bones no more~”

     The Human sighed with content as they listened to him sing. His voice was a little raspy but after all, smoking does that to you. He actually sounded really good.

    “Smoothing down your ruffled skull~ I bid you, to hush and sleep~”

    “*You feel sleepy...he wasn’t lying when he said it was a lullaby...”

    “My sweet baby bones, where ever I may go~ I’ll be keeping watch ov-er you~”

     When Gaster was finished singing, he looked for the Human’s reaction. They...fell asleep. He didn’t blame them, though. It always put him to sleep as a child. Giving a small sigh, he picked them up by the soul and carried them to the cells. After that, he tried to do some work but the song ended up stuck in his head, causing him fall asleep while humming the lullaby. 

     Needless to say, everyone slept soundly that night.

Note: Thank you all for reading this musical fic. @randomstuff7739 , sorry if the skeleton song didn’t live up to expectations, it was kinda hard to write songs for something that has little to no context for it. But I hope you enjoy it anyway! Thank you all for reading! Requests are always welcomed! Stay tuned for more.

[resurgemus-hprp]

So this is seriously not something we as admins have ever wanted to do, and we tried to avoid putting attention on one person’s unsubstantiated claims for as long as we could, but we see now that they are on an irrational crusade and will attempt to bring down anyone they can to support the idea that somehow, a canon character that only belongs to Joanne Kathleen Rowling, is actually exclusive to her. We tried to keep her name out of it, we tried to keep our name out of it. But this person has not extended this courtesy to us and so we feel it’s impossible for us to no longer say something when it’s being implied that plagiarism is something we tolerate in our roleplay.

For anyone who is blissfully unaware — and Lord, do we admins wish that we were too — our player Nina (@villainrps), who is our Lily Luna Potter, has been accused of plagiarizing her character from someone named Sarah (@marvolo, @lilys).

I would like to make one thing very clear. We admins did not know Nina or Sarah prior to this week. We are a new rp and we decided to create Resurgemus after taking a break from a different rpc because we wanted to play our favourite canon next-gens. We have no stake in taking a side in this battle. Protecting Nina does nothing for us. We were not Nina’s friends before she joined our RP and frankly, we only really became friends after the absurdity of this entire situation brought us together. We would not be bending over backwards to protect someone we barely knew if we did not honestly, fully believe that she had done nothing wrong.

When Sarah initially approached us with these accusations, we took them very seriously. I (Admin S) discovered one of my OCs had been plagiarized this week as well, and Admin L has had this happen to her before too, so we know the severity of plagiarism and how awful it can feel to see your hard work stolen.

We initially assumed that Sarah was approaching us about an OC, because no one but the creator of a canon character can claim ownership over them, but we kept open-minds because Sarah said she had damning evidence that would prove Nina’s Lily was a carbon copy.

She shared these proofs with us, we both examined them carefully, and even had other people — outside of the rp community mind you, and people who don’t know Sarah or Nina — take a look as well.

We all came to the same conclusion: that while their portrayals of Lily were somewhat similar (as many next gen characterizations tend to be), there was nothing close enough to suggest paraphrasing, let alone straight up plagiarizing.

I (Admin S) am a journalist. Plagiarism is an extremely important part of my job, and I have a very critical eye when it comes to it. But the only commonalities were a generic fanon portrayal of Lily — yes of course, she always knew she was going to be Gryffindor, everyone writes Lily as the most Gryffindor to ever Gryffindor —  and similarly flowery writing styles. Many rpers have that writing style. Personally, I do not, because again — as a journalist — flowery writing has been cut out of me in exchange for concise, snappy phrasing. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain that people can have similar writing styles unintentionally. You develop your writing style based on the writing you read, and it’s not hard to imagine that many people in the hprpc read the same types of fiction.

In our eyes, this situation is as equally irrational as claiming that a Ben Barnes fc for Sirius Black that likes to cause trouble and flirt and has a headcanon about him going to muggle clubs and/or smoking or something belongs ton one person and anyone else who writes the same type of thing is copying. They’re common portrayals. More than one person is bound to have the same idea because everyone is picking from the same source material. 

Another point I would like to address is this idea that as admins we handled this “irresponsibly”. Sarah never told us she wanted to remain anonymous until after we told her we disagreed with her interpretation of the situation. After the fact, she got upset and claimed that we should have told her. I don’t know how she expected us to address this without giving Nina a fair chance to defend herself — that’s not how life works. If you make massive, severe accusations like this, the accused gets to know what’s going on. We weren’t just going to kick her out willy nilly. We also gave her the screenshots she demanded to further show that we had nothing to hide.

Sarah claimed she wanted to be anonymous to protect herself from harassment when she was the one that on her own admission said she would follow Nina from blog to blog to keep an eye on her Lily. She was the harasser in this situation. I hope I don’t need to tell you that that is creepy. If she’d suspected this for so long, she could’ve said something much sooner. Watching someone for years is stalking, no matter how you slice it.

Furthermore, the way she is handling the situation is immature and irresponsible. She blocks anyone who tries to reason with her, and frankly has made both admins feel gaslit and has done the incredibly manipulative move of threatening to harm herself because of how this is making her feel. We’ve read her “evidence” over and over trying to figure out if we’re missing something with how convinced she is that something has been stolen from her, and we’ve noticed nothing. It’s getting to the point where we’re starting to doubt ourselves because of Sarah’s obsession with victimizing herself, and so this is going to be the only thing we say on this topic. We wanted to post this to defend ourselves, and to defend Nina, and while I’m sure Sarah will find a way to warp this to make us seem like the bad guys, we want to make it clear: the only person in the wrong here is her.

We tried to help her sort through this by letting her know that Nina was happy to discuss the issue with her — since Nina knows she’s done nothing wrong — but in that conversation she also gaslit Nina, accused her of lying over and over, and then had the audacity to imply that Nina stole her Lily characterization for a different, canon character in an entirely different fandom.

The self-absorption is staggering. The implication that her Lily is memorable enough to be used as the basis for a Shadowhunters character (Emma Carstairs) instead of Nina just making her own character and then using her own character as basis for her Lily  is laughable at best. It’s always nice for people to connect with fictional characters, but when it gets to the point that you’re tossing out baseless accusations, that’s the point where it gets unhealthy.

We don’t like being threatened, and we stand by our players 100 percent. 

However, Sarah, as I said, has been posting some concerning content so I want to reiterate that no one should be harassing her, and I encourage her to reach out to people she trusts for support if this situation has made her mental health deteriorate. RP is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

This is the last we’ll be saying about the matter. To all our players, we’re sorry about this and we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled activity now. Heads up, a plot drop is coming soon!

[thalsianiii]

Appreciate your DM.

So, I got some sad news that a dear friends guild disbanded; which sucks to see. Unfortunately, it’s an occurrence that has happened before and will happen again: people stop showing up to events. Life gets in the way. Kid’s get sick, animals pee on your laptop, you just don’t feel like it, It’s all understandable. No DM will ever say “you have to show up or you’re banned,” because we are your friends and we care about you.

But I think maybe, just maybe, some of you who have never been a regular DM/GM might not understand how much work we put into a single event each week for you, the players.

I’ve been an Officer/GM for various RP guilds since 2016. I’ve also been a Dungeon Master for a DnD group since September and a regular player for the past couple years. Prior to most events I’m putting in 2-3 hours of work to set it up.

Above you see my notebook, binder, 4 different content books, dungeon grid, and map building tools. I can honestly tell you that each session I set up I used almost all of those tools. Replace those books with webpages and it’s the exact same level of work for a Warcraft DM event. Not to mention your leaders have to build their own roll system.

So when the day comes for that event, or that session, and I get the messages saying “I can’t make it,” it hurts a little bit. We aren’t doing this for ourselves. I don’t spend 2 hours a week per session setting up a story, building encounters, just for myself. I do it for you, the players. You put faith in your DM to give you a fun story and event to attend, and we do our best to deliver because we enjoy watching your characters shine. We, the DM’s, rarely exist in these sessions. We build the events so you, the players, can experience the surprises and challenges and rush of victory.

But again, we as DM’s will never scold you for not showing up. We always smile and say “it’s alright, we’ll see you next week, get better soon,” and keep our disappointment to ourselves because we don’t want you to feel guilty.

But maybe it’s time you did start to feel at least a little guilty. Real life will always trump role play; no one disputes that. But each time you back out for whatever reason, real or imagined, you hurt the people who worked so hard to create something for you. You also hurt your fellow players who got excited about this weeks events, only to be told “sorry guys, we have to cancel, not enough people.”

This doesn’t just apply to a guild event. This is everything from your small RP with friends, guilds, faction events, server events. The whole realm of role play. Role play is a group activity. When you back out, you’re affecting everyone involved. Not just yourself.

Now this isn’t meant to attack anyone or to some how imply that RP > IRL. No one believes that. But I know before I started being a DM on any platform and was just a player, I had no idea how much work and effort went into creating a single event. Now that I know, I strive to attend as best I can because I owe those leaders my respect for all they have built, and sacrificed, for me.

If you can’t commit regularly, do the right thing and simply excuse yourself from the group. Don’t leave people trusting and relying on you if you are going to continuously be unreliable. It sucks, I know. I’ve had to make that hard decision and say “I’m sorry, but I can’t attend regularly, my schedule won’t allow it, I have to excuse myself from the guild.” No one feels good about that. But it’s better to say goodbye once and maintain a friendship than be a constant disappointment to the people who work so hard to give you the gift of RP.

So I hope this has opened a few peoples eyes and caused some self reflection.