#We mentally separate them
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In case you're wondering how THIS goes:
#artists on tumblr#lgbtq community#my art#trans artist#trans woman#plural#plurality#Asexual#Acespec#Asexuality#Demisexual#AroAce#Lesbian#Seriously how does one manage these 3 very distinct feelings at once?#We mentally separate them#But it gets confusing when we are all co-piloting#It's very weird feeling. XD
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More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being “emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
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For anyone else who is gonna struggle surviving the next 3 weeks with the angsty and tense situation of Callowmoore here's a few things from the last 2 episodes that I feel were underrated and will assist in trying to keep me sane/emotionally stable: - Matching messed up hands built for holding - Fearne nervously playing with her hair as she approaches Ashton - Ashton wanted Fearne to be either the last thing they saw if they died or the first thing they saw when they succeeded - Fearne's admittance corroborates Ashley's 4SD revelation that Fearne is in love with someone in the party but doesn't know how to process the emotions - Fearne wanted Ashton to be happy, while Ashton wanted to feel whole so they would be worthy of the Hells - Ashton twice tried to lead a search for Fearne, and instantly clocking onto Chetney saying he followed Fearne - Fearne making herself look as radiant as possible before giving Ashton the cold shoulder - Ashton only rose to Chetney's provocations until he said 'You hurt Fearne' Use how you will
#godspeed my poor damaged psyche#critical role#bells hells#callowmoore#ashton greymoore#fearne calloway#fearne x ashton#ashton x fearne#strangely enough I don't enjoy having a dark and sad pit sitting in my chest day to day#3 weeks and we don't even get a cute M9 reunion in between to distract us? this was worse than Callowmoore's sistergate 3 week wait#also 'a little'? Sweetie people don't jump into lava for a little you got the big L and it's not Lesbian(s)#Feel like Laudna was a bit cruel this ep (Ash has been there for her a ton and she kinda villainized him) but we'll put it down to Delilah#much of Ashton's trauma has been overlooked or left to them to internalize but still nobody has told them that they are loved#and Ashton Greymoore needs to be told they're loved! (by Fearne)#but yeah time for more positive mental scenarios that 99% won't happen (but when that 1% does ho boy)#couldn't have just had Fearne go 'no talking' and sleep on Ash's chest to hear their heartbeat as her touch soothes Ash's pain could we?#or final fight scenarios where Ludinus is a walking harness and Ashton tricks them into absorbing their titan powers so he'd explode#they could've even had a talk in the woods because they wanted to find her so bad but was not gonna test Imogen's patience#I for one though will have at least one where Ashton seeks out Mori for advice (Fearne too but separately)#Tal I need you to use all your romantic arsenal in the feywild (Percy's worst travel experience) to win back Ashley's beautiful faun girl#bonus prompts for 'You will always be perfect to me' and 'Promise you'll come back to me' they pop up often in my scenarios#taliesin jaffe#ashley johnson
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"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
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> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study
> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
> they don’t understand
> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference
> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”
> click the post
> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
#project sekai#listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people#don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you.#i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans#& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it#but I think I would get too frustrated#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again.#also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed#before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text#did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki.#or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting#or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school#his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home)#or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny.#+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight.#the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond.#the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy.#saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry#tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u#ough. love them.
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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My Brother’s Keeper
TBB Body Swap AU
Chapter 4: Complications II
Words: 1.6k
Warnings: None
Summary: Things never go the way they’re planned.
“Wrecker for the last time, stop trying to dig it up, it’s not going anywhere.”
“Says you. Come give me a hand here, I need the muscle.”
Hunter pinched the bridge of his nose, joining Wrecker where he was straining to lift the outer ring on the ground by the one divot he’d been able to make in the stone with his knife. Hunter didn’t know how deep the rings ran but so far Wrecker was the only one who’d made any progress. There were no handholds or notches to tease the idea of a solution, and eventually Hunter had to stand back up and stretch his back.
Wandering around the temple and scanning the walls with his flashlight, Hunter again took stock of his team.
Echo was in control of himself, which (as much as Hunter felt guilty to think of it like this) was an improvement for Echo. He wasn’t having to adapt to anything he didn’t know, and he had more experience and could help the rest of the squad keep a level head.
That being said, he could see Echo’s irritated expression drifting back to where Wrecker was grating his knife against stone, so maybe Hunter’s senses would take some getting used to. Hunter had long since tempered his reflexive irritation at annoying or persistent background noises, of which Wrecker was rarely in short supply. So much of Hunter’s training had involved figuring out how to tone out extraneous information and by now it was second nature for him to be able to tell which sounds or scents or visuals weren’t pertinent to his assessment of a situation, but that had taken training. He made a mental note to adjust the audio settings on his helmet to help block some of the input for Echo.
Wrecker seemed relatively unbothered once the initial shock wore off. He was understandably frustrated at the change in physicality, but he of all of them rolled with the punches best. Tech was still largely built like a standard clone and could shoulder more weight than the average person, but he was more lean and compact compared to the rest of them. It made him fast and evasive in the field, but his fighting style was patently different from Wrecker’s battering ram approach. Hunter was more worried Wrecker’s tendency to bulldoze through multiple opponents and leap onto or into the fray was going to get Tech’s body trampled. Wrecker had always pushed himself to find what eventual limits and thresholds would restrict him, and his personality was one geared towards learning from experience and experimentation. He’d always operated on empirical knowledge, and if that meant charging headlong into danger, so be it.
On the plus side though, Hunter figured he’d only make that mistake once while he was stuck as Tech before realizing he was no longer nigh-invincible. Wrecker may be foolhardy, but he wasn’t stupid.
Tech, though familiar with Echo’s disabilities and prostheses, was still having to make constant micro-adjustments to how he worked. He couldn’t hold his datapad and type at the same time, and the pressure sensors in each of his limbs relayed the sensation differently than organic limbs, enough to the point Tech had had to make a focused effort to steady himself on his feet and work through the change in balance and mobility. He didn’t begrudge anybody for his luck of the draw; he could still move and shoot, and he had plenty of tools still at his disposal, and Hunter knew he’d also be able to keep track of what Echo’s body would need at any given time.
What did concern him though was Tech’s earlier revelation at not being able to recall information the same way as before. He’d gone very still and quiet in the middle of a thought, prompting a sense of unease to worm its way under Hunter’s skin; Tech’s hesitance as he voiced his theory was incredibly out of character and it worried him to even theorize that switching consciousness wasn’t a clean lateral move; what parts of their minds were they unable to take with them because they were tied to their actual bodies, and how would that affect each of them moving forward? How much, if any, would be lost or seep into them the longer they were in somebody else’s head?
And then when it came to Crosshair and Omega…
Hunter didn’t even know where to start with them. There were issues of both age and physiology at play, to say nothing of their respective personalities and skill sets. Any problems either of them had would have to be handled delicately, and thinking about it made him supremely uncomfortable.
If they could just solve whatever puzzle this was and reverse the effects of the switch, he wouldn’t have to deal with any further complications.
Hunter sighed, aimlessly scanning for anything he might have missed. Wrecker had moved on to another ring trying the same thing he had before in chiseling out a larger gap in the cut stone. Hunter jammed one of the pry bars into the first crevice Wrecker had asked him for help with, forcing it down into the ground, but when he leveraged his weight against it he heard a *k-chunk*.
Everybody froze at the mechanical reverberation, silence filling the cavern as they came to a standstill. Wrecker stared at Hunter. Hunter stared at the crevice.
“Uh, Sarge…?”
The ground shook. Hunter’s stomach dropped.
The earth shuddered again, fissures lancing through stone. Hunter stumbled back and Wrecker darted over the colliding floor plates to the outside rings. The floor cracked and began to shear against itself like waves. Stalactites trembled above them. Their eyes widened and the groaning, trembling cavern started to shake in earnest, the cacophonous sound of stone on stone forcing all of them into action.
Hunter barked orders over the din as they grabbed their gear and booked it for the exit. He saw Omega stumble and pulled her out of the way of a stalactite that shattered on impact with the ground and sent rocks flying outward in a spray of dust. The rest of the squad was yelling and clamoring for the outer hall, and he scooped her up as he ran, one arm shielding her head from the falling rocks.
Five sets of boots pounded against sandstone as the outer temple walls collapsed behind them. Echo was in the lead, but when he turned right at the first junction he skidded to a halt, Tech and Wrecker colliding with his back as they all hit the dead end.
“What are you doin’—?!” Wrecker yelled.
“This was the turn to get out!” Echo hollered back, swiftly turning to race the opposite direction. The earthquake shuddered through the temple again, more fissures slivering between their footfalls and catching up to them. “Other parts of the temple must have changed while we were asleep!”
The crew raced onward, hitting two more dead ends and an unfamiliar stairway. Echo and Tech argued as they ran, Wrecker yelling at every close call with falling rocks, and when they reached a blocked fork in the tunnels Wrecker tried with all his might to lift the boulders out of the way, but to no avail.
Hunter raced to keep up, ducking beneath another column that fell and bridged itself overhead. Despite the danger, something nagged at the back of his mind. The temple, the torches, the runes, the rings…
Hunter’s eyes widened. He shouted up to the rest of the men, getting their attention.
“Echo! About-face! One-eighty for each turn we made coming in!”
The squad hesitated but Hunter was already backtracking the way they came and they scrambled to catch up. The temple structure groaned again, crashing walls and columns raining down around them. Hunter wracked his brain for the path they took on the way in, muttering to himself as he took each turn opposite of what they should have been for the way out. He saw a leftward tunnel that split off into two more and he banked right, adjusting his grip on Omega as he rounded the corner and felt a wave of relief when he saw light up ahead.
All of the clones broke from the mouth of the cave system into warm daylight, a shuddering crash of dust and stone bringing up the back of their party. Hunter kept running a good forty paces through the scrub brush before turning back, relieved to see all of his team catching up to him.
“Let go of me,” Omega growled, shoving fruitlessly at him and wriggling out of his grip, falling to the ground and out of reach. She stumbled away spitting curses under her breath, wiping the debris from her clothes.
… Right, Hunter thought. Not Omega anymore.
Wrecker hooted in victory, entreating a high-five from anybody who’d indulge him, but turning to Omega-as-Crosshair sobered some of that good humor; Omega was bent with her hands on her knees, coughing and having a hard time catching her breath. Wrecker felt a pang of sympathy, striding over to slap her on the back and offer his canteen, which she took gratefully, still occasionally coughing.
Echo righted himself, taking deep breaths and trying to slow his heart rate out of habit before realizing he felt… okay. Better than okay, really. The dying adrenaline didn’t make him feel like he was crashing, just coming down from the high like a hang glider skimming down to level ground. He felt alert, focused, senses buzzing from the input of information every sight and smell gave him. With that came two more realizations of the day:
One: His own body had apparently not been keeping up as well as he thought it had this past year.
And two: This was not the same planet they landed on twelve hours ago.
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#the bad batch#Sergeant Hunter#Wrecker#The others are there but we don’t get their perspective as much so tagging it with their names feels misleading#I think separating out what I already have into manageable chunks and just getting them out of my mental periphery#will go a long way towards keeping the pacing up and keeping me from getting stuck on segues#Man I hate segues#hounds speaks#my writing#fic: My brother’s keeper#I think it needs a different title but idk what right now#c’est la vie#ao3 link in reblog#I also like the more streamlined chapter formatting I have here vs like the Toro Lives chapters#Those feel more episodic though and I wanted them to have a more visual quality#Here? You guys can fill in the blanks#The visuals and descriptions are not as important this time around#You know who these people are. you know what they’re doing in the background.#The plot is here as a vehicle for humor and the poignancy of character interactions and development
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Annual reminder that Aang wasn't a terrible dad, that one episode was badly written and had poor perspective. Aang was a busy, working dad who had a lot of stuff to do, and then suddenly his third kid was a full-on Airbender and he was literally the only one qualified to teach this baby, so then he finally had an excuse to put his family before his duties ("My family IS my duty now, suckers!!!"), and so Kya and Bumi were all "What the heck, Dad???" because they were now teens (iirc) and they missed out on all that stuff.
It was basically Aang going from "my family has 20% of my time" to "my family has 40% of my time". Still not enough, probably, but Aang could finally go and explore his own culture without feeling guilty about leaving the rest of the world to fend for itself.
#poor dude probably had all kinds of mental issues#also literally everything else about his dadhood has been outstanding#his son gets a high rank in the navy#his lesbian daughter gets to go do her thing#tenzin had it hardest of all the kids#we can also get into the whole part where Aang's whole culture separated parents from their kids#so he wasn't exactly raised with a child-to-biological-parent bond himself#the perils of culture clash...especially with a devoted water tribe mother#you've got a culture that says ''Family is EVERYTHING parents will teach their children for LIFE''#meeting a culture that says ''Everyone in the world is your family so you have to treat them equally''#.....gosh that story really needs to be explored more#and they could NOT have delivered it more clumsily#or wrapped it up more frustratingly#''here we are lamenting all our insecurities and inner doubts but LOOK THIS FAMILY PHOTO SHOWS US HAPPY WE MUST HAVE BEEN HAPPY''#I mean...they were#but it was also poorly executed#legend of korra#tlok#atla#how to tell the casuals from those who take this seriously#''aang was a bad dad'' do you even READ SUBTEXT
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the fun thing about psychosis + plurality is that folie a deux is real and it's not just a fall out boy album
#pk;m cloudy🌦️#looking at how jimmy & curly act together... y'all have more going on than you're letting on 🤨 and im not talking about gay shit here#it's like their mental health shit is connected ir something. if one's having a breakdown the other is too and vice versa#like what the fuck#i bet if we separated them it'd either make things Much worse (we don't... separate. someone from their Person unless it's Really needed.#and they Are each other's Person.)#but I'm liek. Listen man. stop being fufcking codependent on each other that's Weird.#*itd make thimgs much worse or it'd fix everything Tee hee i forgot to finish that thought. anyways#the psychosis is really psychosising today and stan can't stay awake so it's just me with these two freaks
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Basically. Gender and sexuality and race and a Lot of other things are social and cultural concepts that are not like Facts or intrinsic and honestly I wish more people would realize that these are things we made up and there are no actual rules and everyone's experiences are different
#these are all just used to compartmentalize human diversity when p much everything is just a spectrum or a jumble and no word#or box will accurately fit or describe anyones experiences succinctly.#id include even some mental diagnoses in here as well like. adhd and autism are just words and diagnoses criteria made up to say#'if some has enough symptoms from this grab bag then they are This Thing'#when everyone likely has at least some.of these 'symptoms' and i dont think any of them are exclusive to 'autistic' or 'adhd' people#like the terms are useful for sure! but they arent rigid and people need to chill out abt them i think#and ofc im not saying race or any of these things Arent Real cuz like. we live in our society and these social structures are big parts of#everyones lives social species etc etc#but race is not a biological thing. you cant divide all of humanity into boxes like that and that started just as a way to#dehumanize people and is a relatively modern thing#i feel like i often see people going 'but surely people in 2000bc west africa would notice a white person is different!'#like yea obviously but some people just look different ? the idea to really separate 'races' is so ingrained in our culture that#its hard for us to imagine not doing that but like... its a pretty recent thing haha#i need to stop going on long rants in tags. i hit the tag limit on one of the other posts
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ae hope aey queer fills you with fear (lighthearted)
#that's just the vibe here#we're queer and weird as fuck about it#and we're too tried to separate them into separate boxes#so we include the nonhumanity and mental illness in the all encompassing queerness#because even though just being nonhuman or mentally ill does not make you inherently queer#it's all connected for us#thumbs up emoji
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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Please understand that, more often than not, works of fiction are a fictional exploration of concepts and ideas rather than a declaration of morality
#there’s a difference between fiction that condones disgusting things and one that’s breaking them apart and analyzing them through fiction#reading comprehension and understanding context is important YALL#please I beg learn how to separate fiction from reality folks#every so often I’ll see people making WILD claims about a person because they wrote a complex and flawed character#most of the people I know who enjoy exploring dark and questionable themes in their work are the kindest and most selfless people I know#while the people who sit atop a pedestal and judge every aspect of a stranger that they don’t know turn out to be the most selfish and vile#i should not be scared to write a story about morally questionable characters finding humanity#but yet here we are#Ive seen this kinda stuff do more harm than good too many times#sorry to post a hot take#just good lord I’m old I’ve seen this shit too many times#stop eating each other#you will see conflict and dark themes in my stories#if you cant handle messy themes in fiction please feel free to unfollow or block me for your own mental well-being#I’m sure I’ll regret posting this later but just putting it out there#hate being reminded that as a creator strangers are staring at you and making horrifying assumptions about who you are as a person
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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just randomly remembered that during my like 10+ attempts at the shadow yukiko fight i more or less consistently ran out of revival beads so yosuke was just dead (well unconscious but whatever) on the ground for like half the fight gfhfjvhfhfhd-
#puppy rambles#persona 4#p4#as much as i love him he's not always the most useful. that fight is one of those times-#still always keep him in the party though. perfect p4 team to me is yosuke teddie and naoto#i haven't gotten to naoto joining the party yet but i love her. trans icon. vibing naoto is the best thing to happen to the persona 4 fandom#and yosuke and teddie are my favorites of the investigation team thus far. the others are all very close but they're above the others#dunno why i like yosuke so much. souyo is def part of it#and teddie is very very silly. idk why people hate him so much like yea he can be kinda annoying but he's only existed for a few months#he doesn't understand social cues yet. he's just autistic leave him alone vhgbhmfhdf- /hj#i feel like a lot of persona characters have autism vibes but that's probably at least partially just me projecting#at the very least i'm sure we can all agree that aigis and marie do. autism arcana#that's. probably why they're my favorite girls ggyfubhngd-#aigis is easily my favorite persona character. she's cute and also silly :3 and bisexual i love the bisexual toaster and her doors <3#(aikoto + hamugis polycule for the win. makoto and kotone aren't dating obv. ryoji's also dating both of them separately#)#and marie is cute and also silly i'm totally dating her. love how persona technically lets you polyamory so long as you don't date everyone#i have to max her social link for the golden-exclusive content anyway so might as well#‚‚‚ this post got derailed. i like the part where i talked about my beloved persona 3 bisexual polycule#p4's def the best persona game i think but i love p3 very much too. makoto kotone aigis and ryoji are unsurprisingly my faves#really love yukari too. i spent several hours trying to figure out how to add mods to p3p so i could date her as kotone#it was not successful. i'll probably get it on steam when i inevitably play it gghdhchvhv-#and i'll get reload at somepoint too. probably on steam at least first so i can use the kotone mod i need my girlie#makoto is also great i love him. emo non-binary icon. but also silly girlboss. they're both so mentally unwell#that reminds me of a drawing i have in my drafts i should post that#oh also it's aikoto week apparently??? which is very poggers. idk the prompts but i need to draw my sillies regardless#i do slightly prefer hamugis but they're both very very cute to me. the toaster has two hands she can kiss both the doors-#idk why that joke's so funny to me. i should stop now-
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(Before Ray diagnostics test)
Groupmate: Did you study?
Me: I did:)
Groupmate: Great!
Me: For the microbiology practical exam:) We have right after this:)
Groupmate: oh.
Groupmate: Oh.
#for context: practical exam is 47 reactions you have to know by heart#and by 'reactions' I mean 'multi step diagnostics methods'#and we're coming right off of a module control which had the equivalent of exam materials of information and left everyone exhausted#I had three separate mental breakdowns last night trying to study because my nervous system was exhausted and the words just didn't. fit.#i know the first twenty well and some of the later ones but that's not nearly enough and we're taking it with our prof which is worse than#the rest of them (other groups get help because stressed med students+ anthrax is not a good combo) and we won't#finals#pre finals#i wanna die#med student#medical school#med school shenanigans
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