#Wanted to draw a stupid lil idea as fast as possible

[thedailyvio]

Day 161

[spotsupstuff]

What is Sparrows daily routine?

i wanted to draw stuff for this but ough that's so much, so-

[a day is divided into 30 units of time (aka their "hours") instead of 24 like with us for the sake of a rounded number like that]

[05:40] - wake up through the mist of "ugh five more minutes", throw a middle finger to the alarm clock and start the process of becoming a conscious member of the society by running into the closet doors face first and dressing up, getting that "hair" contained...

[06:00] - make either breakfast or lunch. if breakfast is done, get some stretching exercises in before eating. if lunch is done, just get the exercises done. pack some cash, documents like an ID since ID drones aren't a thing yet, tools for today's planned workload, don't forget the annoying golden mask

[~06:45 - 07:00] - enter the restaurant/fast food place ya visit every day and get either breakfast or lunch for later, ignore the barista who somehow managed to develop a crush on ya, eat up if it's breakfast order, maybe take a walk around the town square

[08:00] - clock in for work at the Mechanic's main entrance into the Caper of Euros structure. make the way to the puppet chamber to check Euros' statistics, see if smth fucked up during the night that would need the help with getting fixed up and of course, tell him good morning. if he's on his puppet and scoops ya up, kiss him a good morning too

[08:15] - leave the chamber and the backpack with lunch behind (he'll look after it, probably strap it to the umbilical arm, maybe go through it - he's allowed to. one of these days she really needs to pack a little notebook, pencil and an eraser so he can have some fun with that) and start the shift. Mechanic's job mainly revolves around catching the mistakes that slipped by before an Iterator was turned on besides the maintance. so basically bringing them as close to perfection as possible. so she looks for lil fuck ups in the design + works on the ones already noted on the pearl she has from Euros' first Mechanic

[14:00 - 14:20] - lunch break!!! come back to the puppet chamber and sit with Euros while snacking. get to talk with him a little, catch up on what he's up to in his research and iterations, answer him in kind when he asks you about your day outside of him. "so how'd you sleep? any dreams? how was breakfast? is the barista still eyeing you? i still think you should go on a date with them and be absolutely obnoxiously out of character so they'd stop. oh! what about the town square? what did the kids play today?" "oh slow down, will you! i still have noodles left."

[14:20 - 20:45] - rest of the shift! the last hour or so is dedicated to mostly going around the sector she dedicated the day to and checking over her work and the Hivemind members. with the nature of her and Euros' relationship this often times results with the Inspectors yoinking her to play or cuddle with

[20:45 - 27:00] - free time! she Can be hailed by the Houses for updates on Euros' condition and to get her opinion on some changes they'd want to implement that would affect Euros during this time. she Hates these kind of meetings because she sucks at social interaction n everything, but if she has to defend her charge(/lover) against stupid ass ideas, she Will do her best. but generally this time is filled with hanging out with Euros properly as a friend or as a romantic partner, go out for beer or smth if she feels like it, calling her family to ask how they are doing once she gets home- ask if they need any money and such since the job pays INCREDIBLY well- strength and such exercises to keep in shape, read up on some additional info on Iterators that wasn't necessarily addressed back in school or some fictional stuff, play games (with Euros if he will be down or calls first), make dinner, watch a movie...

[~27:00 - 05:40] - sleeby time <3

[emeraldbabygirl]

N.Flying reaction to you being on your moon

So I decided to write a thing. I’m not sure if this is a reaction but I know it’s not a headcannon..at least I don’t think it is. And I wanna start with this one and from here on out write the titles at the top and fix any previous works that are framed like this so it looks better? I’m still trying to figure out how I want my layouts to look like. Btw for some reason tumblr is whack and it’s not showing me any gifs of N.Flying except for like five and they’re all recent from the Moonshot mv and it’s not what I’m looking for. It’s been happening with me a lot not whenever I search for a gif it only spits up a few and they are recent like everything else got deleted? Idk it could be a bug on my end or just tumblr doing its stupid thing so this reaction unfortunately won’t have gifs :( I’m sorry

Seunghyub: Seunghyub was a man that would come running to you at the drop of a hat. He was very gentle and understanding with you while you were on your moon and he loved showering you with cuddles and kisses in hopes it would cheer you up cause he knew how moody you could get. You came home from work and not meaning to sound like a bitch you grumbled at his friendly greeting. Seunghyub was too smart to frown as he knew you couldn’t help it. He followed you down the hall entering you room and then the bathroom to draw you a nice bubble bath. He figured the light might be to harsh if you had a headache so he lit a couple candles around and found you in your room attempting to crawl into bed with your work clothes still on. “Darling come here I drew you a nice bubble bath.” He said pulling you out of bed. You grumbled and attempted to fight him like a cat afraid of water. “Come on now you don’t want to sleep in your clothes. You’ll feel better after a bath huh?” You huffed in defeat as Seunghyub led you into the bathroom. Helping you with your clothes he held your hand as you stepped in the warm water. You immediately sighed and began relaxing. Seunghyub let you close your eyes as he gently washed your hair and scrubbed your back. “Thank you for this Seunghyub really. And the candles are cute.” You smiled warmly at him. Seunghyub hands are covered in bubbles but he still cups the side of your face to kiss you. “Anytime Darling.”

Chahun: For the most part you were calm as far as mood on your period but your cravings for random foods and your appetite always increased. Chahun has picked you up from work and you were passing every fast food place and restaurant in the universe. Well that’s what it felt like. “Hunnnnn I want fried chicken..or a hamburger. Look there’s a sushi restaurant right there let’s get something to eat pleaseeee” you whined pressing your face against the window. “It’s late love, we’re going home. I’ll fix you something then okay?” Chahun said. You appreciated and loved Chahun cooking for you but you wanted greasy food right now and you felt bad about him always cooking despite you knowing full well how to. “Chahun..don’t you think you cook too often for me? I mean..wouldn’t you like a break? Besides I really want to go out.” The rest of the ride was silent. You sat at the table in sweats and watched Chahun shuffle around the kitchen. You loved watching him cook you just felt bad that he was always doing it and even when you weren’t hungry he still insisted. You felt even worse when you were on your period. Chahun finished up and plated food for both of you landing a kiss on the top of your head before placing your food in front of you. “I know you want fast food and I know you think I cook to much for you but I think home cooked meals are better on your tummy, especially during your lady time. Also you are my girlfriend and I enjoy cooking for you as a sign of love. Now eat up and then we can do whatever you want for the rest of the evening.” You smiled taking a bite of food. Chahun was too sweet.

Jaehyun: Jaehyun always did his absolute best to cheer you up whenever you were having your monthly and most of the time he could get a smile out of you. Tonight though you were laying on the couch in tears from the cramps you were having and Jaehyun couldn’t seem to cheer you up. He tried jokes, dancing goofy, breaking one of his sticks on purpose but nothing was working, you were in too much pain. Jaehyun kneeled in front of you moving your hair away from your face so he could wipe the tears that were falling. “Sweetie I’m sorry you’re so much pain..is there anything I can do?” Jaehyun was sad seeing you like this. “Rip out my uterus please” you said. This sent Jaehyun into a laughing fit. The sudden outburst from him and seeing him roll around on the floor from how silly you were being put a small smile on your face but that went away when you got a cramp the felt like you got kicked really hard in the stomach. Jaehyun settled down and noticed your silent suffering. “Hey, let’s lay down on the bed it’s probably more comfy. I can make you some tea and..” Jaehyun stopped talking. You probably didn’t feel like getting up. Jaehyun decided to just sit with you and comfort you as best he good. He heated up a hot pack and placed it on next to your side. Running his hand through your hair helped you relax a little and the hot pack slowly started to help with the cramps. Jaehyun covered you up with a blanket as you drifted off to sleep and quietly cleaned up the living room.

Hweseung: Hweseung was use to how moody you were. He comforted you whenever you cried wheather it was cramps or you got sad, he bought you your comfort foods when you were hungry and cranky and he even put up with your random laughing fits. He knew how your emotions could get on your time of the month but he was confused this month as you kept initiating sex. You weren’t normally like this and poor Hweseung didn’t know how to go about it. “Fuck me Hweseungggg” you blurted out while you to were on the couch watching tv. Hwesung was so surprised he nearly spit out his tea. “W-what?” Hweseung said after catching his breath. Did he hear you right? “Come on I’m hornyyyy” you whined starting to attack his neck with your lips. “Babe, do you really feel like having sex right now? It’s messy and you might hurt more. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable..also you don’t want to get pregnant now do you?” Hweseung was very aware of the ovulation cycle and knew that today would be the best time to have sex if you were looking to make mini yous. “Yesss let’s make lots of babies please Hweseung. Fuck me I’ll feel better.” You said against his neck. Hweseung sat as you cuddled and crawled all over him. Hweseung himself wasn’t fond of the idea of period sex at all. He definitely thought it was a bad idea while you were menstruating but he didn’t want to upset you. After contemplating for awhile and going over the possibilities of you actually getting pregnant he decided he would go through with it. But he took to long as he could hear your light snoring as you must’ve conked out from exhaustion. Hweseung sighed in relief seeing you out with your head on his lap. You looked like a cat, it made Hweseung smile. He repositioned your head in a more comfy direction and rubbed your lower back while he continued to watch tv. He chuckled to himself at the thought of you falling asleep during sex. You were just too tired and you needed your sleep.

Dongsung: Dongsung was really good to you around your time of the month. He would give you hot packs if you were having cramps, cook for you or order anything you wanted, draw you baths or set clothes out for you after a shower. He would tend to your every need and you were thankful but he was always running around too much. “Dongsung,” you said coming out of your room after changing from your work clothes. Dongsung practically rushed to your feet with a concerned look. He was always so adorable it made you sad that he felt he had to tend to your every need. “Is everything okay babe?” He asked worry in his voice. You sighed. “Can we just watch a movie tonight. You always work so hard to help me and I just want you to stop and relax. Can we just have an easy night tonight? Please?” Dongsung nodded quietly and grabbed your hand and you both walked to the living room. “Can I still make popcorn though?” You smiled out how perfectly silly he was. “Yes of course, but hurry up please I wanna cuddle.”

I did Hweseung’s last so sorry if it’s kind of crappy towards the end. It took me two hours to finish this cause I was distracted from vibing to N.Flying lmao. Anyway I wanted to make this cause I’m in my N.Flying feels again and I just thought this would be a nice lil thingy. (Also side note I feel like Hweseung would be really sweet and neat during sex in general and even more so if it was period sex even though period sex is gross and messy but I just wanted to add all the aspects and things around your moon time)

[egcdeath]

secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ― Chapter 30: The Last Act part 1

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ⥽

While struggling with nightmares of lives she’s never lived, a shadow from the past looming over her city, and the proposed idea that her life may just be a little bit too weird to handle alone, Nadya makes sure to tell herself that everything is perfect just the way it is. If only. When the self-proclaimed King of Vampires (and Maker of her sometimes-girlfriend and always-boss, can’t forget that little tidbit) Gaius Augustine returns intent on claiming Manhattan as the throne that was promised, she and her friends find themselves forced into the task of saving the world. But with millennia-old vampires and an Order of hunters on their heels as well as allies hiding catastrophic secrets at their backs… it won’t be an easy task. Too bad destiny didn’t exactly ask for her input.

Bound by Destiny II and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

TAG LIST: @googlesentmehere, @cess02, @hellyeah90sbaby

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny II tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

Now that they're back on the surface, everyone struggles with the things they learned down below. Things they learned about Gaius and the First, things they learned about each other, and the ones they learned about themselves. But the worst is yet to come.

[READ IT ON AO3]

“That’s enough. Give it here.”

“No,” she shakes her head adamantly; the sudden dizziness tries to argue right back at her, “no I just needed to sit. I can do a little more.”

“I’m certain you can —”

“— then keep —”

“— but you need to rest.”

Her voice cracks in a whimper. “I will, I promise I will — but —”

“Enough,” Cadence snaps, stern only because he has to be; because this isn’t the first time Nadya’s tried to give more blood than her body can function properly without, “I won’t hear any more of it. You’re still weak, and this is a good amount… should last us the next day or so while you rest up.”

At least they’re both well aware of who exactly he’s talking to; and just how not-over-with this conversation actually is. They’ve had ample time to talk (read: argue) while he draws her blood with a steady, never-wavering focus. He knows she’ll argue this until she passes out from the blood loss. Just like she knows he’s only disagreeing  with her because he feels like he has to. To get back on everyone else’s good sides.

Though… what did those look like, again? She’s starting to forget. Probably because she hasn’t seen them in a long long time.

Even if he’s still radiating frustrated vibes Cadence stays professional; every bit the real medical doctor as he eases the needle from the inside of her elbow and quickly staunches the last few drops with cotton. All of it methodical, perfectly normal blood-donating stuff. Until, that is, her vampire medic catches his thumb between sharpened teeth and nips the smallest of cuts. Just a drop is all it takes; one little red line swiped over the puncture mark and presto vanish-o.

A rueful smile tugs against her unwilling lips. She’s the farthest thing from a making-jokes mood but any time it happens they’re always in Lily’s voice. It’s such a comfort right now — they have no idea.

Cadence transfers her blood from the bowl to an empty blood bag; that gets traded out for the one from yesterday in one hand and the funnel on the drying rack by the sink in the other.

“Can I come with this time?”

Nadya’s caught him off-guard; faltering steps and his shoulders squaring off like he has an answer on the tip of his tongue, only to remember that he’s a good man.

“Just… don’t tell the others.”

Crossing her finger over her heart, she nods. “Promise.”

He makes her hang back five steps from the door while he opens it and makes sure the coast is clear. A stupid precaution in her eyes; if there really was a Feral vampire on the other side she doubts a door would be enough to hold the thing back. Her friends only have her best interests at heart, though, and she knows it. It’s just… fear makes people do weird things.

It can make them act out; be cruel… or unleash a vengeful bloodthirsty warlord on the woman who took away a century of his life.

Finally Cadence steps inside. He holds the door open and she ducks under his arm to squeeze through.

“Hey Lil’.”

She has the same first thought every time: she looks like she could be sleeping. Only Lily doesn’t sleep on her back, she sleeps like a dragon in a hoard of pillow-treasure. So this must be some other girl, is always the next idea. But that’s wrong too.

This is Lily; here and real and colder than the chilly bedroom when Nadya sits on the bedside and takes one hand in hers. And no matter how much this sucks it’s better than the alternative. Nadya knows they’re doing all they can here; like driving in an endless fog.

Cadence makes quick work of propping Lily’s mouth open with the funnel and getting this over with as fast as possible. Nadya would do the same — but because that’s just plain disgusting. Her friends keep these trips short and quick because they’re all still so weak. They can only resist open, fresh-ish blood for so long.

Together they watch, and wait; and Nadya never looks away from Lily’s closed eyelids. Part of her hopes and wishes they might twitch — or better, fly open. The rest isn’t sure what exactly would open those eyes. That’s the part that keeps her quiet.

Minutes that feel like hours that feel like years later, when there’s nothing left in the bag but veins made by the plastic, the vampire takes out the funnel and gives Nadya a generous bit of space for her patience.

Nadya moves closer; leaning and tugging out a wadded fistful of tissues because there’s something so wrong about seeing her blood dribbling from Lily’s lips. “I know you didn’t wanna get blood on this jacket,” she teases, “but frankly the fact that you still have standards after wearing it underground is a ‘you’ problem.”

Her lower lip wobbles. Keeps her from saying anything more — and Nadya has so much more to say. She only wishes she could punch the words out of her stupid stuck throat.

“You just keep getting better.” There are still times where Nadya wakes up fresh from living-nightmares of Lily’s body convulsing, drenched in sweat, black disease creeping up through her body and spreading like a mold. And while they have no real guess as to whether or not Nadya’s blood is reversing the corruption, they don’t know that it’s not. They do know that it hasn’t spread any further.

That’s more than enough reason to keep trying.

A few more tissues dab away little wet spots Nadya almost thinks are sweat on her brow. But then one falls on her hand. And another. And another. So she wipes her eyes instead.

“Just keep getting better — and when we get home I promise I won’t complain about your gamefest junk food trash for a whole month. Or…” because she can feel the judgment—really she can, “like not to your face anyway.”

She doesn’t expect a response, nor does she get one. Life isn’t that easy. “Love you,” Nadya says instead, someone has to have the last word, and with one last kiss to her forehead and and Cadence leave Lily alone in the cold and the dark.

Cadence, perceptively, gives Nadya her space back in the kitchen. He busies himself with the fridge door and cabinet and then there’s a glass of apple juice in front of her that Nadya would definitely prefer to be wine. She takes it with a nonverbal shrug of thanks.

“Ahem.”

“Hm?”

“Drink.”

Don’t think — drink.

Nadya flinches at the memory. Involuntary, no doubt about it; but Cadence sees it clear as day. Doesn’t see much point in hiding the hurt that flashes dark over his eyes.

She feels bad enough about it to down the entire cup in one fell swoop.

“Sorry… about that.”

“For what?” He shrugs her off with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Nadya watches owlishly as he goes to rinse the dish out. Can’t shake the sneaking suspicion that he’s glad for any reason to keep his back turned.

“Cade.”

Who’s a little too heavy-handed putting the glass aside to dry; thankfully the bottom is solid enough that it doesn’t break but there’s always next time. Nadya waits — gives him time to compose himself and turn back around before she’ll keep going.

Instead he grasps the counter’s edge like it’s the only thing keeping him from floating off into the void of space.

“Do I sound like him?” he asks, and when his voice cracks he sags against it even more. “And please… please spare me the false confusion.”

You know exactly who I mean, is what he doesn’t say. The irony that he’d just tried to pull the same thing isn’t lost on either of them.

It’s a relief though. To not have to… ignore it.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want an answer.”

“Well —” Nadya worries her bottom lip; finds a small chipped-off spot on the floor tile and speaks to it instead, “— I mean yes, of course you sound like him. You’re the same… you know what I’m trying to say.”

They weren’t the same, though. That’s why this is so hard on him. Why his shoulders are shaking one wrong word away from a total episode.

“You have the same voice — his accent wasn’t quite right but, uh, yeah.” He doesn’t stop her, so she doesn’t stop. “But if you’re asking me if I looked at him and couldn’t tell the difference between you two? Cadence… that was the problem. That’s what we were all struggling with. The way he talked, how he carried himself; it was all just too strange. Too much, I think.

“I couldn’t see any of you in him and it—it was scary.” I thought I’d somehow killed you. Thankfully Nadya’s able to bite that particular confession back and swallow it down. She’s hurting him enough.

Though she almost doubts it — when Cadence finally glances at her in profile. Hair covering most of his eyes but not so much that she misses the flicker of hope there.

“You’re telling the truth?”

“I’m gonna pretend that doesn’t offend me.” His look turns imploring; desperate even. “Yes, I’m telling the truth. Cynbel was a jerk — pretty much the anti-you. And… yes, he got us out of there alive and yes he helped me try to save Lily even when the others wouldn’t and—and I don’t regret any of that. Not for one second.

“But I also don’t have the words for how relieved I was to see you wake up the other day. None of us knew what would happen while you were unconscious all that time. Serafine looked close to pulling out her hair.” Two beds, two friends. And two monsters that could have come out on the other side instead.

“Even I’m not sure I really know what happened,” and everything on his face screams about just how much that worries him, “the last thing I recall clearly was being in the front hall, back at the Manor, and running forward as you were attacked. Then…”

He tries to find the words. Nadya gives him the chance because she knows what that’s like. The confusion of knowing you were awake; you were there… and then suddenly doubting everything in your head because that’s no longer the case. But Cadence comes up short, to his chagrin, and just ends up looking like a fish out of water.

She knows that pretty well, too. “It happened. Nothing we can do will change that now. So now we just…”

BANG.

Another flinch — Nadya doesn’t even realize what she’s doing until her hand is deep in her jacket pocket with the metal ridges of Cadence’s switchblade handle digging into her palm.

“I have a few more we could try,” comes Serafine’s voice from the front room, “they are… distant, but not unfriendly.”

“No, no way.”

Adrian’s sigh is soft and weary. His voice so quiet that Nadya almost doesn’t hear him at all. “Jax, it’s not like we have a ton of options.”

“We don’t need options. We need decisions!”

Great. More arguing. She and Cadence glance at one another in silence. Should we go in there? We should. Do I want to go in there? No, no I don’t, but we have to. You take Raines, I’ll take Matsuo. Ugh, fine!

The taller goes first — not that it was planned. But it gives Nadya the chance to look Serafine over without Serafine doing the same. Just as she suspected — and just as it’s been every time she thinks no one is watching — the vampiress goes on alert the moment his foot crosses the threshold. Cadence is a trooper, though, and gives her about as much attention as he would the ugly flowery wallpaper.

He turns to take up a chair; isn’t even sitting down before the look is gone from the woman’s furrowed brow. Replaced by a weary smile that instinctively checks Nadya over for signs of (more) damage. “Sounds like you three had another fruitful evening,” he remarks dryly. And gets three nasty stares for his troubles.

“You think this is a time for jokes?” she snarls. But he doesn’t bat an eye.

“I think it’s too damn depressing right now to do anything else.”

Jax resumes his pacing near the window. Nervous energy desperate for an outlet; because somehow fighting back literally hundreds of Ferals was something he could get over in a week and a half. Adrian sits leaned over in his armchair, elbows on his knees and such a crumpled, forfeiting look to his soul that Nadya feels some of it seeping into her pores.

“Adrian?”

He lifts his head with a visible effort; too heavy for him to hold high like the Adrian she knows. She’s seen this look in his eyes before — when she had been returned from Gaius’ grisly dinner party. How is it so much has happened, so much has changed, yet she still feels so helpless to make it better for him? “What can I do?”

Nothing, and they both know it. Her hand, only half-reached out in offering, slides into his. When he squeezes it’s borderline painful, but she endures. Taking a moment to gather himself, Adrian wets his lips before speaking.

“Something isn’t right. It just isn’t… I feel it,” he grabs his middle with his free hand, “in here. I’ve exhausted every resource pooled between Kamilah and I in the last hundred years. Dozens of networks, forgers, freelancers. There’s just no way they’d all be gone. Not without reason.”

Nadya lowers herself to sit on the arm of his chair. “So we still haven’t been able to get what we learned about the stake to Kamilah, then.” Their faces say it all.

“Do we have any other options?”

“Yes!”

“No, we don’t!” Adrian’s anguish hardens into anger faster than Nadya has time to process. He rounds on Jax hard and resolute. “Because that is not an option. Not after everything they’ve sacrificed.”

She peers between Serafine and Jax over Adrian’s shoulder. “What are you talking about?” And anger or not, Adrian isn’t scaring Jax off of his plan easily.

“We need to go home.”

Oh. “But…”

“But what, Nadya? What? Because you’re dead worried, just like I am, hell just like you are, Raines. We don’t know anything — and we have a pretty clear answer on how to fix that. We go back and we help them there, on the home front. And when we know we’ve got our foot in the door then we get back to this Eternal Tree and Gaius-stake. But there’s no stake in the world that will help if we lose the city in the process.”

He burns with passion and conviction. This is Jax; of course he does. Even Nadya finds herself shifting on the cushion, weighing the pros and cons of his argument. “I want to Jax—I do.” And here come the dang tears again. “But what about Lily? If things are really as chaotic in New York as Cade said —”

“— oh they are —”

“— if they are… we need to keep her somewhere steady, and try everything we can before it’s too late. We wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Nadya tries to meet his eyes but the rebel doesn’t make it easy on her. At least he’s staying silent on purpose; that means he agrees with her whether it helps his case or not.

“I can’t… keep…” Jax’s voice shakes like an earthquake, “running and abandoning the people I promised to protect.”

That same passion and conviction suck the sound out of the room; make it so his hissed anger and clenched teeth sound loud enough to make her ears ring.

“Once was too damn much. I’m not gonna do it again. Not when it makes sense to go back and fight.”

“I’m not sure it does.”

He scoffs at Serafine’s words. “Of course it doesn’t, not to you. All you European vampires know how to do is run and hide.”

Even Cadence looks at him in surprise. “I don’t think that’s really fair… the world is different here.” But he should have kept his mouth shut. Now he’s a target.

“And you sound like you’re conveniently forgetting why that is.”

“I’m not.”

“It wouldn’t be the first thing you’ve forgotten when it suited you.”

Nadya blanches. “Whoa Jax — out of line!”

“No… he’s not.” He’s rattled Cadence; that much is obvious. But unlike he had back in the kitchen, this time the man swallows it down and raises his chin high. “I read the same books you did Matsuo. And maybe I haven’t said it enough, or maybe you weren’t listening the last dozen or so times, but I couldn’t apologize to any of you more than I already have — even if I wanted to!”

He stands, towers over Jax specifically but he holds his ground. Later on — like way way later on and under better circumstances — Nadya’ll remember this and admire him for it. But right now he just looks like a moron.

“You’re angry,” Cade continues, “I get that. Fuck, do I get that. You’re a man in control of his life; his strength. You made your place in the world to spite anyone who told you that you couldn’t. But this—this anger—comes from powerlessness.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“You can’t protect the people you love. And what you can do — it’s taking too long. Try waiting a hundred goddamned years! I did everything I was supposed to and what did I get for it? I got a fat load of bullshit! I gave up a life! I gave up a wife!”

Nadya, Adrian, and Serafine all gasp. Did you know about this? Nadya gives a wide-eyed look to Adrian — but he’s just as surprised.

You’re angry. Well look who’s angry now.

Jax couldn’t care less. He snarls, fangs bared. “Are you seriously making my shit about you right now?”

And… Cadence isn’t. Cadence doesn’t. He shrinks away, all six feet of him seeming to curl in on himself. But he won’t back down.

“No, I’m telling you what you need to understand before anything more happens. Because there will be times your anger seems to come from nowhere; times where the only thing you can think, feel, bleed is a part of that rage. Of feeding it and letting it grow. But that’s all it wants from you. It wants to consume, to live. And there will come a time when you let it at the cost of everything you know is right.”

He shoves a wide hand against Jax’s chest. The man stumbles only barely. “You know what you want isn’t right, Jax. You know it puts you in power, and you know fighting will add fuel to the fire. But you also know all that will do is win you the battle and lose you the war. You’ll fight, and be angry, and still lose everything. But hey…” —stepping back, hands held up in surrender— “you fed the anger. It got what it wanted. You didn’t.”

If anything the argument could be made that Cadence’s (admittedly decent, in Nadya’s opinion) impassioned speech on anger only served to make Jax angrier. Until he surprises them all — and possibly even himself — and stands down.

His nostrils flare; the epitome of restraint.

“I can’t — no, I refuse to sit here with my thumbs up my ass for one more night. No more running around playing hide and seek with a bunch of cowards. They need to know what we know. So how do you suggest we get that in gear?

“We don’t even know if anybody’s still alive.”

“They were the last time I saw them,” says Nadya quietly; almost like an afterthought. It’s like remembering something from a long time ago. The boundaries of it blurred between the waking world and the one of dreams.

Adrian’s hand rests on her knee. “Well, yeah Nadya, we all saw them.”

Oh. She swallows around the sudden lump in her throat and looks away to hide her guilt.

“Unless…” because he’s Adrian, and Adrian knows her so well, “there’s something you’re not telling us…”

“It’s not that I was trying to hide it, I promise —” she throws a hand back towards the depths of the flat, “— I told Lily. But with everything that’s happened, and we needed to focus on Gaius and the memory of the First, and…”

“None of that matters now.” Serafine steps forward; her voice low and soft but that doesn’t make it any less commanding.

“But you need to tell us what you saw.”

Nadya nods.

It’s easier than she expected. And that’s not something she gets to say often. At first it’s a struggle to get everything right; she tells the ending like the beginning and can’t help but feel like she forgets something crucial. But like every other memory or vision once Nadya starts she finds that the words want to be spoken. The events want to be told.

Even if, in their wake, there are only more questions and the same amount of answers.

Beside her, Adrian’s got his deep-thinking face on. At least one of them is. “When was this, again?”

“I don’t know, that’s the hard part. I couldn’t get a date, or figure out if it was before or after Cade was here, or…” Her voice pitches in obvious distress. Immediately Adrian goes back to the soothing motion of running his thumb over her knuckles. It’s a big help, honestly.

“That’s okay. It’s more than we knew before.”

“The question is…” Serafine raises an eyebrow, “can you do it again?”

Can she? Nadya has no idea. This isn’t like with Serafine; she has no hands to hold. And this isn’t like with Gaius; she doesn’t have an entire library and a bloodline to help give things focus. But none of that really matters now.

“I can’t afford not to try.”

She wanders, dream-like, through the vast emptiness of the castle. Her feet feel as light as air. Nothing like the memories she’s used to — she’s already wading deep enough to drown and still can’t tell whether or not this is real.

At least Nadya is familiar with this part of the castle. The decor is changed, more deserved and tailored to fit the overall ‘modern tribute to history’ of the rest of the estate; and there are no more velvet ropes to deter curious minds from closed doors. She may not be lost but that doesn’t mean she knows where she’s going.

But Nadya doesn’t have time to doubt herself. Kamilah doesn’t have time for Nadya to doubt herself. So she lets her feet take her where she needs to go. Following the grand staircase just off of the main ballroom all the way up, then one floor more, to a set of wide double doors at the far end of the hall.

The chandelier lights catch on the nearby plaque; movement shifts in their dazzling twinkle. She whirls around, fearing for a moment for something behind her, but the corridor is abandoned. It’s just her here.

It couldn’t hurt to double-check. And she’s glad she does; Nadya catches her reflection in the sheet of polished gold and freezes in her tracks. Because that’s her reflection. Nadya’s eyes and mouth both wide with surprise. Not Kamilah’s — Nadya’s.

That can’t be good, she thinks fleetingly. But it doesn’t matter. She can’t let that stop her.

Not now.

She reaches for the gilded handle and pushes the door open to the Banner Westbrook Memorial Library.

In here, everything is exactly the same as before. From the polished display cases to the shelves lined neatly with tomes of all shapes and sizes. Muscle memory even tries to tug her away — just for a moment — and around the corner where it feels like just yesterday Adrian had healed the bruises on her neck.

Just the other day… and a lifetime ago.

But that’s not where she’s supposed to go, she’s pretty sure, and the impulse passes — easily forgotten. She keeps her feet on the path but doesn’t know where they plan on taking her. Not until she catches sight of a familiar pair of doors tucked away in a darkened corner near the back.

When Nadya enters the portrait hall, she isn’t alone. A familiar figure stands at the very end; his back turned and relaxed in a slight slouch in his gait.

Gaius doesn’t need to turn around, though. His portrait, regal and looming like a giant, does a fine job of glaring at her on its subject’s behalf.

Nadya steels her nerves and keeps moving. She comes up next to him in a way she wouldn’t dare in person. Close enough that a slight shift of her feet could knock them together; like an ‘oops, my bad’ moment on the average subway commute. Don’t ask her why she does it — she couldn’t tell you. But maybe when she looks back on it she could say it was an act of  courage. A way to prove to herself that she’s no longer the girl running scared through museum shelves, or the one who jumped away from the mere memory of him.

Beside her, Gaius shifts his weight from one foot to the other and takes a slow, rich-person-pretentious sip of the liquor in his hand. It’s jarring — no — disturbing to see him act so… normal. Even Kamilah tended to unintentionally do her best impression of a living statue when she wasn’t doing anything in particular. But save breathing, here Gaius looks like an ordinary man.

And he is neither.

“Do you remember how it felt, that first taste of the potential of your power?”

Just like that all of her fear rushes back in icy floodwaters. Forget wading, she’s outright drowning. From the inside, somehow. Like it’s taken hold of her veins and filled up her belly and throat and now with nowhere to go but back down into her lungs.

What are you doing? You’re not really here, remember?

Oh, her…self… actually makes a really good point. She’s not really here. Gaius is alone — though she’d been aiming for a memory involving Kamilah and this is definitely very much not that but if she can’t get one simple thing right she might as well return to the others with something. Information on Gaius’ plans, movements, acts will have to do.

So… wait. Who is he talking to then?

Gaius waits, and waits, and waits for an answer that doesn’t seem to be coming. So unless the painting is going to start talking —

Then he looks down at her. At Nadya, not through her, and all bets are well and truly fucking off.

She backs away fast, practically tripping under her own feet until her sweating palms collide with the texture of dried oil paint of some vampire she doesn’t recognize. Who cares about any other vampire — Gaius can see her. How the hell can he see her?!

Gaius who just watches, cool and impassive, and clucks his tongue when she jostles the frame at her back. “Careful now, Nadya, that piece was the work of a master painter—and a dear friend. I would hate for your clumsiness to ruin it from so far away.”

So far away… “I’m… not really here?” The same mantra, but now, aloud, she’s uncertain. He’s not exactly the agreeing type.

“Of course not. How would such a thing be possible?”

“I’ve seen… a lot of impossible things lately.”

That earns Nadya a hint of a smile around the lip of his glass. “No doubt you have. Paris has always been a city of unimaginable wonders; wonders that pay no mind to the realms of dark and light. And with someone as well-traveled as our dear Serafine to show you around? Oh you must have been having such a wonderful little trip.”

She wants to shut down, to find the remote and turn this awful show off; to reach out and see if she can grab his throat like she can the painting frame and squeeze like that would do her any good.

But there are are a lot of things Nadya wants. She wants Lily to be better with the snap of a finger. She wants Lily and Mari to be able to hold each other again, wants Kamilah in the safety of her arms and vice versa. She wants Cadence to find peace and Jax to find purpose and Serafine and Adrian to get back to the way they had been before the dumb trip down to the dumb crypts.

Just because she wants something doesn’t mean she’ll get it, though. Not without a fight.

So no matter how much she wants to take off running (mentally, physically, psychically) back to Paris and the others and away from Gaius, who knows where they are and who they asked for help and knows exactly how scary that is to think about — she can’t yet.

Not without a fight.

Nadya knows full-well she can’t outwit him in word games. So she defaults to a classic man-deterrent — she straight-up ignores whatever he says.

“If I’m not really here, how can you see me?” How can you talk to me? Why aren’t you currently killing me? The important questions.

Her deflection doesn’t go unnoticed. Gaius is too good for that.

“You tell me.”

“Wow, you’re so original.” She replies, and gives possible the most dramatic eye roll of her life. He doesn’t even flinch. Darn it.

Instead Gaius shrugs it off. “I would have thought that by now you were tired of being on the sidelines of your own life.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Really?” His face falls in mock sympathy. “You don’t find some truth to the sentiment? Or are you as blind in the mind as you are in the eye — to the repeated pattern of events that constantly spiral out of control but never fail to pluck you up into the chaos as they go?”

Nadya keeps her back up against the wall; somewhere safe where no one can sneak up behind her. Gaius is dangerous enough no matter where he is. “You know… I’ve had kind of a long week. I’m really not in the mood for your weird word puzzles.”

“They aren’t puzzles. I couldn’t speak any plainer if I tried.”

“Then I really feel bad for anyone who has to talk to you for longer than five minutes —” —a beat— “— myself included.”

“Maybe this will give you clarity, then. Aren’t you tired, Nadya Al Jamil, of having the events of your life told to you? It seems to be the only constant, to the outside observer.”

Which makes her snort a little too loudly. “I hope you aren’t talking about yourself. Most of the crap going on right now is your fault anyway.”

“I know,” he inclines his head, “so I ought to know better than anyone, wouldn’t you say?”

Nadya doesn’t say — but they both know why that is. He’s right. “I’ll give due credit to your natural curiosity. You’re always asking questions — not necessarily the right ones, or at the right time — but your take initiative to seek out the knowledge you need. But you never really seem to find it for yourself, do you. You simply fumble along on your fragile little mortal body until someone comes along and takes you by the hand. It’s convenient… I’ll give you that too.

“But if there’s one thing I’ve come to loathe about this new century; the age of technology and modern conveniences, is exactly that. Because convenience breeds laziness; breeds contentment and expectation.” His upper lip curls — and just like that his charming little smile becomes a wicked discontent.

“Here and now you wait on bated breath for me to just tell you the answer. You are the driving force behind everything—everything that has happened and all the things yet to come. Our little tête-à-tête included… but you do not so much as lift a finger to seek your own truths. You would rather they be given to you.”

It’s funny — here Nadya had been ready to accept that this will be the best she gets out of her attempt to breach the psychic barrier and find Kamilah, and to maybe give Gaius a few rousing sassy jabs she wouldn’t dare be brave enough to say in person while she’s at it. But she’s not the one doing the jabbing. Short, sharp and shallow wounds that make her red in the face with her fists balled up tight at her sides.

“You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Well, no, that’s entirely false. I know everything about you, my little Bloodkeeper. Even things you don’t know about yourself.” Gaius’ eyes flicker red then, so quick and subtle that Nadya doesn’t think he’s even aware it happened.

“Especially things you don’t know about yourself.”

Her face burns hotly. “And that’s my fault? I didn’t choose to be this. Actually — that was you who chose for me.”

“You can tell yourself that if it helps. Though I can’t say denial makes for the strongest of moral codes.”

“You wouldn’t know a moral code if it poked you in the butt.” Did she really just say that?

The same question is written across his brow as it arches high, dark and neat.

“So when you abandoned the city you yearn so desperately to protect, was that a part of your morals?” No… he’s not… “When you willingly turned tail to run; when you left your friends, family, and… those you feel affection for behind. All part of this upstanding moral code of yours?”

He’s baiting her. Voice lilting, little finger tapping mutely against the side of his tumbler. The picture of easy breezy conversation and he knows it.

She won’t stoop to his level. Nadya answers him honestly; “No, and to tell you the truth I’d give up a lot to have never gotten on that plane. But I shouldn’t have had to leave. Your vision — your perfect vampire world — it’s impossible. I wouldn’t have needed to leave her behind, Gaius, if you weren’t so hell-bent on following in the crazy footsteps of a madwoman.”

The glass shatters in Gaius’ grip. Thin little lines of blood seeping through the crevices in his fist, drip-dripping down onto the no doubt expensive and antique floor runner. His hand snaps open like a trap, and the last shards of broken glass fall from his unmarked hand.

There isn’t a fleck of light left in his eyes.

“Watch your tongue.” And for just a moment, or a shadow of one, Nadya swears she can hear the tiny waver in his voice. Not enough to matter, or be symbolic of anything. But enough to prove a point.

In that shadow of a moment he’s not Gaius, King of Vampires; he’s Gaius, Rheya’s devoted Soldier. Powerless to save her and always—forever—too far away.

Nadya dares to step forward. “Why,” she challenges, “did I say something wrong?” Gaius raises his chin, looks down on her more than he already is; classic power move and she sees right through it.

“Because I don’t think I did. It’s your fault we had to leave, which means it’s your fault Kamilah had to stay behind, and all of it because you’ve spent three thousand years following some version of Rheya’s crazy plan — her failed plan to boot.”

“You know nothing of which you speak.”

“What does that make me then,” she asks, “Am I a blasphemer, Gaius, because I don’t blindly follow the Church of the First Vampire?”

Gaius’ voice rings in her ears. Not the one here in front of her; he doesn’t have the passion for it. But the Soldier, righteous in that cave and ever-loyal at Her side. She’s hearing a memory.

“Blasphemer!” Echoing out in her mind; filling her with conviction.

“Traitor.”

“Is Kamilah a traitor for what she did to you? Not locking you away — that didn’t matter. But she was supposed to be your Queen… until she wasn’t.”

“Insolent little —”

“Coward!”

“Oh no you don’t — I’m not done yet.” She actually interrupts him; even Nadya has a hard time believing it. But that’s nothing compared to Gaius, who looks like he’s just been run over.

“And Adrian too, right? Because you and I both know he was never as loyal a Soldier to you as you were to Her. Then again—talk about high standards. Why do you think that is? Why did you try to build a Soldier only to end up with a coward?”

His crystalline eyes go wide. This close Nadya can see the whites all the way around; the hint of the tip of his fangs between parted lips. This time it’s the King of Vampires who steps away, not the little mortal girl. But with the same traces of fear lingering in the air.

And Nadya? She has absolutely no regrets.

Well… maybe one or two. Especially when, finally, Gaius smiles.

“I see.” He shouldn’t be smiling. That doesn’t stop him. “That’s a very… unique selection of words Nadya. Paris has made you quite the young poet from the sound of it.”

She swallows audibly. Where the heck did that confidence go, and can it come back?

“It’s a beautiful city,” she agrees though every word is laced with caution like a thin film of arsenic, “I found it especially helpful in jogging some old memories.”

“I look forward to hearing more about them.”

“Uh…” Suddenly it almost hurts to look at him; like he’s burning alive inside — a sun in flesh. Nadya looks around desperate but in vain; the only eyes that stare back are frozen in time and place. Not even the familiar face beside Isseya’s stoic likeness can help her now.

“I don’t plan on staying — I shouldn’t even be here to begin, so...” You know.

Oh, he knows. There it is; knowing shining through all across his face. It occurs to Nadya then, when it might be two seconds shy of too late, that she’s the one out of the loop.

“Maybe not tonight, but I have every confidence I’ll be seeing you very soon.”

He looks like his soul is on fire but that doesn’t change the fact that the hand he reaches up to brush a thumb across Nadya’s cheek isn’t anything other than ice cold. He whispers, like an afterthought; “And with so much for you and I to catch up on… after all these years.”

Gaius can touch her.

Gaius can touch her.

Nadya makes a run for it. Sprinting back down the length of the room to the doors both barely hanging ajar. What am I doing? I need to wake up. How do I do that? Figure that out later! RUN NOW!

Holding her hands out in front of her, Nadya prepares to scramble a flight to safety — and collides with solid stone instead. A stone that grips her upper arms, feels her shaking, and looks down with ancient, distant eyes riddled with confusion.

“Nadya? But how —” Valdas cuts himself off before he can fully ask, and looks between her and the approaching Gaius with uncertainty. Realization comes over him and eclipses the muted melancholy; a shadow over the moon.

Nadya would have struggled if she had the time. But things are always moving a little too fast for her these days. And here, in this semi-reality where she’s both at Marcel’s castle in New York and in the apartment in Paris, is no exception.

As it is, she barely manages to wrench one arm from his grasp before the Trinity vampire tugs her by the other. His breath and the whiskers of his beard tickle in her ear. “Remember what I told you—” Then the scrape of millennia-old callouses on fingertips presses at her temple.

Nadya’s eyes fly open. The sting of unshed tears finds release, warm tracks carving into her cheeks. She wishes one would warm the place where Gaius had touched her cheek, but wishes don’t always come true.

She can still feel it. Still see the details in his irises, and that awful light glinting in his eyes.

“I don’t like that face.”

Jax’s surly comment brings her back. Back from where she doesn’t know — doesn’t want to. All she knows is she’s back, all four limbs and ten fingers that wind their way into the fabric of Adrian’s jacket and refuse to let go.

“Hey, hey,” he shushes her; pets her head slow just like Lily would, “you’re okay, you’re okay now. You’re back here, you’re okay.”

He’s stayed kneeling by her side this whole time, apparently. Not just a tether to Kamilah and home but to Nadya herself. Right now Adrian’s hand on top of her head might be the only thing keeping her from dissipating into oblivion.

Serafine is in the same seat across the table; looking like she doesn’t know what to make of Nadya in this state. Join the club sister.

“There is — hein, where are you going?!”

Just like she had in the portrait hall, Nadya takes off without looking back. Her limbs prickle, angry pins and needles demanding she slow down. But she can’t. She’s still… not here, not here, not anything. But in all she doesn’t know, the one thing she does is easily plucked from the air.

“I need a window.”

“Oh, I think she might be sick.” Says Cadence with an audible cringe. Nadya ignores him.

“A window! Now!”

She’s been wandering this apartment like a ghost for the last week and a half; she knows where the windows are. But between her sleepy limbs and the feeling of drowning in her own lungs it takes Nadya more than a little effort to find them.

“Open the damn window, Raines!”

“Jax, I swear —”

But Adrian puts his frustration aside — for her. For his worry for her. In a blurred step he passes her by and unlatches the window, pushing it out wide open for her the moment she arrives at the ledge. Nadya collides with the sill hard enough to knock the wind (and nonexistent watery fear) from her lungs; leaving her breathless.

“What do you think you’re doing, foolish girl?” Serafine keeps going, keeps scolding her — but she’s just wasting her voice. It buzzes like a fly in Nadya’s ear; fading, fading, then gone altogether. All of their questions, guesses, demands end the same way.

Pure silence. She shreds through it with her tongue like a knife.

“He said he’d be seeing me ‘very soon.’”

Her friends exchange similar glances. Worry on fear on an understanding because who else would she be talking about? There’s only one man that makes sense.

“That’s not possible Nadya.” Adrian tries his best to reassure her — but his own hand betrays him. This time it rests on her far less steady.

“Moreover it’s not happening. So why don’t we close the window, get something in your stomach, and…”

His voice trails off; watching, transfixed, as Nadya lifts her arm out from the window. Her finger pointed to the slumbering outer-city streets below.

A tiny red light moves in the darkness, flickering and spluttering on its dying breath. The cigarette filter serves one last inhale before being tossed in a small arc to the pavement underfoot.

A sleek, expensive shoe comes down and grinds the last of the embers into powder.

She doesn’t recognize the man — but she doesn’t need to know who he is; what he is shown in red eyes that flash and fade back to the play-act of a mortal. His shoes are dark, his suit is dark; the close-cropped and almost military shave of his hair is dark, too.

But not his smile. That is warm, inviting even in the black of night. Like the cherry-end of a cigarette.

The woman who comes up beside him, though — there’s no mistaking her.

Isseya looks up first. Locking gazes with Nadya, no searching needed. The sickening truth right before their very eyes. They knew we were here.

Gaius’ laughter still thrums in her blood. His words burrow deep in the marrow of her bones.

“I have every confidence I’ll be seeing you very soon.”

[lime-trash]

Summary: Roman breaks down after the events of POF and misses his brother.

TW: breaking down, anger, screams

It’s kind of just a lil something I wrote after rewatching POF a few times, 365 words, for fun. I’m not a native speaker so pls tell me about every mistake you see, I’d appreciate it a lot! (And I might just possibly write a kind of 2nd part so...yeah) (UPD: 2 PART IS HERE!!)

Also, r*mrom shippers pls don’t interact? Thanks!

"So. Deceit- Janus is so good!" Roman flopped down behind his desk and grabbed a pen, drawing something with a shaky hand. His breathing was ragged; his voice was quivering from overwhelming rage, and panic, and anger; Roman didn't seem to notice how tears of frustration started running down his cheeks. 

"Stupid Deceit, stupid Patton, stupid Thomas! Stupid! Stupid!"

Roman threw the pen away and looked at his simple drawing. Choking on tears, he looked at a drawn person who was so, so familiar. It was a drawing of a cute little boy with a large yellow crown, glowing orange mantle, bright orange eyes, and a huge honest smile. Seeing him, even as a simple picture, was so surreal.

After so many years, Roman still remembered what the King looked like. He still remembered feeling light and happy all the time. He still remembered not having any responsibilities and just creating because it was fun, just letting his mind wander and imagine anything it had wanted to. 

"Why? Why, why, why!" 

Roman tore the paper and crumpled the little pieces, throwing them away into the nearest bin. He started screaming and got up, hit his hands on the table. Everything was too much, thinking was too much, existing was too much. Everything was so fast and wild, too much, it's too much-

Roman didn't notice how he trashed his whole room. The floor was covered with paper scraps, broken pens, and black ink. Roman himself, clearly exhausted from all the yelling, was sitting on the floor in the one still-clear corner, holding a new drawing of a grinning King. 

Stupid. Not others, Roman. Roman was so stupid for missing his brother, for missing the sound of their laughter, for missing sleepless nights when they would create dreams for Thomas together. He shouldn't crave his brother's presence and ideas. He shouldn't think that it was easier back then. He shouldn't want to see his brother ever again. 

Remus was a bad guy. The Duke was scary, awful, dangerous, a complete opposite of Roman, the Prince in shining armor. They were meant to split, they were never meant to be together, they were-

"Why did we have to split?"

[dreamyjoons]

devilish // ksj

Synopsis: desperation can make you do many things - although selling your soul to a crossroads demon is a little far. But Jin isn’t just any crossroads demon, and he’s going to prove it to you.

Genre/warnings: 18+! Pure smut, Demon!Jin. Oral (m and f receiving), rimming, slight bondage, overuse of ‘pet’, faint ‘sir’ kink, choking, lil rough sex, dom!Jin, outdoor sex, unprotected sex (be safe), tiny bit of spitting, marking, spanking, dirty talk, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, swearing, maybe a tiny bit of fluff.

Words: 5.6k

A/N: so, this got out of hand - it originally wasn’t going to be smut but as you can see, that didn’t happen. I wanted to release a fic for another member but this had other ideas, so hopefully there will be something out this weekend. Enjoy this mess! 🧡

As you kick the final bit of dirt over your offering, your eyes shift warily to the roads surrounding you.

The crossroads was truly in the middle of nowhere. You hadn’t seen another car or person in hours, and the last of the daylight had truly vanished. Your beaten up old car sat just off the road behind you, and you mentally began counting down the minutes until you could get in it and drive away.

This was stupid. Turning to make a deal with a demon. You were sure they didn’t exist. But when you’re desperate, why not try anything?

Five minutes. That’s all you would give it. After that, you’d get into your car and drive home, having to suffer the reality of your life. You weren’t giving up, but it was getting harder and harder.

The dust blew up around you as you waited, the chill of the evening seeping through your jeans and jacket. The distant call of an animal startled you, making you feel infinitely more exposed. It was probably time to go.

You turn with a heavy heart, leaving the offering half sticking out of the hole in the dirt road that you’d dug with your hands. You’re sure it’ll amuse someone. You walk quickly to your car, your hand reaching out to grab the handle when a gust of wind blasts you from behind.

You stagger slightly, turning around. You gasp, your eyes fixing on a smiling man standing over your offering.

“Hello there, miss Y/N.” He smirks, and you’re surprised you can hear him over the hammering of your heart. Of course he would know your name. Chills shoot through you.

“Who are you?” You ask, daring not to move.

“A demon, obviously.” He raises an eyebrow at you, and you’re stunned. Did you just get sassed by a demon? Can they do that?

“I… Yes, I guess you are.” You say dumbly, and before you can think better of it, you walk towards him, stopping a few yards away.

He was divine. Or pure sin, however you wanted to look at it. Black hair, smooth skin, puckered plush lips and black eyes that had hidden depths. He stood in a black suit and tie with a red shirt, perfectly tailored to his sculpted body. His wide shoulders were held proudly, and you followed the expanse of chest that he puffed out with pride. Meanwhile you stood with tatty skinny jeans tucked into dusty combat boots, your top half in a tee and shrouded in a bomber jacket. You were nowhere near his level - he dripped luxury.

“What is it you desire?” He asks, taking a smooth step towards you.

“I… need a new life, so I need money. A lot, as it turns out.” You sigh, meeting his eyes. The black didn’t scare you like you thought it would have. It made you want to get closer - but you knew that was dangerous. Too dangerous.

“Ah. And why turn to making a deal with a demon? There are millions of people who need money.” he sighs, turning over his hand and examining his nails, a look of severe disinterest on his face.

“I’m not millions of people. I’m one person that needs change as fast as possible. I want out of this dead town. I don’t earn enough to live, my exes are working on personal vendettas to ruin my life and I have no family here any more. My friends are in other cities and work around here is dying. I need out, and I need out now.” You spit, his apparent lack of care making your blood boil.

His eyes flick up, your raised tone piquing his interest. His lips curl into a smile as he walks towards you, and begins to circle you, assessing you. You grit your teeth and wait, fixing your eyes into the darkness as he takes his time. He finally stops within arm’s reach of you, his eye meeting yours in a deadly stare.

“I’m Jin.” he nods, and you nod back.

“I’m Y/N.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, you made that clear with you being a demon and all.” You snark, and immediately bite your tongue.

You need help, not to be exploded on the spot. Could he even do that? It was better to not tempt a devil.

“You’re awfully brave for someone who’s life is in my beautifully refined hands.” He smiles, and you mull over your thoughts.

“I guess when you’ve got nothing to lose, you get a little braver.”

He looks you up and down again before smiling, and a shiver runs through you. You were sure it was to do with the cold, dark night, and not the way Jin’s eyes examined your every feature.

“I suppose so. Then let us make a deal, and work out our terms.” He smiles, before reaching forward and taking your hand, and dragging you back to the centre of the crossroads.

You hold your breath as your hand sits in his, the warmth radiating from his skin. He stops in the middle of the road and drops your hand, before bending down and scooping up your offering.

“Let’s see… a bone or a bird, three drops of blood, a secret written with your non-dominant hand,” He pauses to read what you had written before looking up at you with a filthy smirk on his face. You look away, heat burning over the surface of your skin. “Nice. Hmm, and an item of extreme personal value.”

He turns over a small silver ring in his fingers, the thin band of metal curved delicately in his perfect fingertips. Your eyes stay glued to the ring, your heart flipping every time the ring disappeared from your eyesight. He catches how pained your expression is, and notes just how personal it must be. A family heirloom, no doubt.

“These are decent. Let’s discuss your deal.”

“Hit me with it.” you nod, bracing yourself. Making a deal with a demon was going to come with a steep price. He half laughs, his eyes examining your face.

“You’re a funny little mortal, aren’t you?” He laughs.

“Oh, er, thank you-”

“You’re welcome. Now,” he grins, opening his arms wide. “The terms.”

“Do I have to give you my soul?” you ask, almost jokingly, but the contemplative look he gives you makes your heart thump its way into your throat.

“Not right away. But something about you makes me think your soul will be particularly delicious. Still, I won’t be needing your soul for a while. At least ten years, deepening on how well you pay me for my services.” He smiles, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You choke on the air you��re breathing, finding it difficult to meet his eyes.

“So, I can grant you enough money for you to make a comfortable start somewhere else. If you are wise about it, you can have a good life.” He states with a flick of his hand. “Your payment will be to give me three earthly favours that I cannot perform myself.”

“Three? Are you going to get me to commit crimes or do some ridiculous shit? Because if so I don’t want to make a deal.” You rush, crossing your arms and fixing Jin with a determined look.

“Two then, since I like you so much. And nothing too bad. Nothing you won’t be arrested for or not be able to wash off.” He shrugs, and you don’t like the way that sounds.

“What about one? Because you like me?” You offer, and he laughs. It’s in a higher pitch than you imagine, and it crinkles his eyes. You find yourself smiling too.

“I like you, Y/N. No one makes jokes with me. It all gets very boring after a few centuries of doom and gloom.” He says as he straightens from his laugh. You find yourself fascinated by him.

“A few centuries? How old are you?” you ask, subconsciously taking a step closer. He notices though, and revels in it.

“Old enough to know better, pet.” He smirks, bringing a hand up to push a strand of hair away from your face. You feel your stomach flip at his actions.

“Okay, one earthly deed. But your payment will be to give me your soul in nine years, unless you’ve done enough good in this world to extend it. And a kiss from you, that is also my demand.” His eyes flicker to your lips, and you gulp.

“My soul and a kiss? Sounds like fun.” You laugh awkwardly, that nervous habit of yours to say something dumb in an important situation really coming back to bite you in the ass.

“Oh it is, Y/N. You’ll find that these beautiful lips and handsome face are great to kiss.” He smirks, holding his head up proudly. A small laugh falls from your lips.

“Aren’t you meant to be… Different?” You murmur, and he looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re supposed to be a demon, right?” You ask dumbly, and he laughs lightly.

“I was the last time I cursed someone.” He shrugs, and you forcefully push that terrifying thought away.

“Well aren’t demons meant to be, y’know, scary and evil? All broody and weird and making me want to scream and run away.” You explain, your pulse thudding loudly in your veins as you gauge his reaction. You didn’t want to finally push the wrong button and have him eviscerate you or something.

“Do you want me to be all broody and dark and mysterious?” He asks, and a part of you does want to know.

He lets his smile slip slowly from his face, the joyful crinkle of his eyes smoothing out until he glares at you, the black of his pupils spreading out until his entire eye was as dark as night. He takes a step back from you and stands to his full height, a shadow falling across his face as he watches you. The air around you somehow make the blood in you run cold but causes your skin to break out into a sweat. An unbearable pressure holds itself down ony our chest, but you cannot draw your terrified eyes away from Jin. He draws his lips back to smile, but it twists his face into something entirely inhuman and wrong to look at with your mortal eyes.

“Is this what you wanted, pet? Dark and deathly?” He asks. His voice is lower, dark and with an echo that you cannot place. You shake your head harshly.

“I don’t like it, Jin.” You say in a small voice, and his facade drops at once. In a blink he is back to the softer form, gentle eyes examining your face.

“I’m sorry to frighten you, Y/N. But as you can imagine, having people look at you the way you just looked at me now takes its toll, even if I am a demon.” He sighs, stepping forward slowly to not spook you.

He reaches down and takes your hand, and you fight a flinch. He rubs soothing circles into the palm of your hand and you let yourself relax a little. He smiles at you, warm and inviting.

“So do you agree to my terms, Y/N?” he asks, and you contemplate your fate. If you were going to be as stuck in the future as you are now, then why not? Things can still change, you have time. And although a small part of your brain tells you he wouldn’t hurt you, seeing something dark in him wasn’t something that you wanted to provoke for wasting his time.

“Fine. I accept. Do you have something I need to sign, or…?” you trail, and he tilts back his head to laugh.

“No, your soul will be marked by me and me alone. I will know when it is time. But we seal the deal with a kiss.”

“A kiss? Does that corny line work on many people?” You ask humourously, but he shrugs.

“It is how we finalise the transaction. I have kissed many people in my time. It helps to be this handsome.” He smiles, before blowing you a small kiss. You roll your eyes.

“You really are different.” You mutter, finding yourself endlessly endeared by him. By a demon. You need to get a grip. It was a dangerous game you were playing, even without finding yourself attracted to the demon.

“May I claim my kiss now?” He asks gently, cupping your face. You nod your head once, you eyes flicking to his lips and back up to his eyes.

He brings his face closer to yours, and you let your eyes flutter shut. You feel him hover just above your lips for a second before his lips pressed against yours, feather light and soft. He pulls away slightly to change the angle of his kiss, his plush lips pliant against yours.

He breaks away, and you open your eyes to look at him and find his eyes surveying your face with a soft look in his eyes. You smile, which he returns.

“So… is that it? Is there gonna be some money magically pinging into my bank?” You ask, your voice breaking.

“Pretty much. Why, do you want to get rid of me already? It was just starting to get interesting.” He smirks, and you roll your eyes and look away, trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Don’t you have some like, possessions or something to do?”

“I like to take control if that’s what you mean,” he smirks, and you groan out loud, “but it sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me, pet.” He raises an eyebrow at you, sliding his hand from your cheek to rest at the back of your neck.

“No! I mean, no. If you wanna stay for a bit, y’know, I wouldn’t mind.” You rush. You didn’t want him to go - not really. Demon or not, he was fascinating. And the fact that you wanted to feel his lips on yours again had nothing to do with it.

“You fascinate me, Y/N. I will stay for a bit - I have duties to perform but they can wait a while.” He says in a low voice, twirling his fingers in the hair at the base of your neck.

He suddenly abruptly leaves your personal space, detangling his hand from you and stepping back before waltzing over towards your car. All you can do is stare on, confused, before your mind kicks into gear and you’re trotting after him.

He taps his foot lightly against a loose panel on your driver’s door, causing it to make an uncomfortable creak. You cringe at the noise, before stepping forwards and placing yourself between him and the car.

“Leave her alone! She’s already falling apart without you sticking your shoes all up on her.” You yelp, hands defensively laying across the roof of your car.

“Mhm. I can see why you need money. Poor thing’s on it’s last legs. She needs a little TLC.” He smirks.

He starts to run a finger over the door frame before drifting it onto and up your arm. You shiver at the light contact, causing his smirk to turn into a full devilish grin. He takes a step forward so that his face is hovering a few inches from yours, and you dared not move.

“It seems that your car isn’t the only one that needs some special care.” He whispers, and you hold in a moan.

“What makes you think that I want anything else from you, Jin? You’re already getting my soul.” You say a little breathlessly. He laughs just above your ear, his hot breath fanning over your hair and neck.

“Believe me pet, you’ll like what I have to offer.” You gulp at his words and squeeze your eyes shut. It had been a very long time since someone had this kind of effect on you - and it was a little scary.

“I don’t know. The kiss was okay, but money is what I really want from you.” You state, adrenaline coursing through you as you play with fire.

He pulls back and looks at you, intense and full of emotion. He finally closed the distance between you, his body pressing yours into the car, his face two inches from yours.

“You’re not making this easy, Y/N. Give in to me, I won’t hurt you - unless you want me to.” He almost growls, and you almost soak through your panties there and then.

“If you want something from me, you’ve got to work for it. After all, you are in the deal-making business.” You shrug nonchalantly, but your eyes stay fixed on his.

He looks stunned for a second - shocked that anyone would rise to meet him in such a way.

But then his lips crash back onto yours, rougher and faster than before. He slides a hand around your waist to pull you tighter against him while the other holds the back of your neck. You moan into the kiss, wrapping your arms over his wide shoulders as you both fight to control the kiss.

He breaks apart the kiss to suck in air, his hand moving from your neck to cup your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Tell me to stop now, before we head down this path.” He pants, his stormy eyes scanning your face.

“I’m willing, if you are.”

With that he dives back in to kiss you again, grinding his hips into you so that you can feel his hardening length pressing into you. You gasp into the kiss, and he takes advantage by darting a tongue in between your lips, tasting you for all his worth.

His hands knead into your ass, and you roll your hips to meet his gyrating body. He moans into your kiss before his hands leave you, and you feel them unzipping your jacket and tossing it on top of the car. The cold night air rushes to meet your skin and goosebumps rise, but you’re too focused on Jin’s rough kiss to care.

He finally breaks away the kiss to rip your shirt over your head and unclipping your bra with incredible ease. Your nipples are already hard, but in the cold air with Jin’s full attention on them, they practically ache.

“My my, pet. Aren’t you a pretty sight.” He speaks in a low voice, a deepness that you didn’t expect from him.

You practically keen under his gaze, your dark gaze fixed on him. He steps forward and presses his lips to your neck, biting and sucking their way down to your collarbones and chest. He bites and sucks hard, before smoothing over the marked skin with a gentle tongue. He finally reaches a breast and sucks a nipple into his mouth, rolling the sensitive bud. You gasp and throw your head back as his hand seeks out your other breast, tugging and twisting your other nipple in his nimble fingertips. You murmur his name like a curse as he alternates between a nibble and a suck, before pulling off your breast with a pop and switching to give the other his undivided attention.

He pulls back suddenly, the cold air rushing to chill the wetness over your breasts, the ache only making your pleasure more acute. He places both hands on your hips and spins you before pushing your torso flat against the car, the cold metal pressing into your skin.

“Look at you,” he whispers into your ear as his hands reach forward and begin to unbuckle your jeans. “So filthy, Y/N, letting me undress you out here. You want this, don’t you? You’re needy for me.”

You whine and nod as he finally unbuttons and unzips you, tugging your jeans and panties down together to your knees. He pulls you back a step before pressing you back against the car, your ass sticking out. He runs a soothing hand over your cheeks before delivering a hard slap. You yelp and jump forward, but he merely tuts.

“You have to stay still pet, or I’ll keep going and neither of us will get what we want. Is that how you want to play this?” He says in an almost mocking tone as he rubs his hand softly over the snacked area of your ass.

“N-no sir.” You stammer.

“Sir? Mhmm, I like the sound of that.” He smirks, before raising a hand and smacking your other cheek. You gasp as the contact but stay still. You’re rewarded with a soft kiss on each cheek.

“Good girl, pet. Now, let’s see how wet you are for me.”

You feel him kneel down behind you and spread your cheeks, and you can feel yourself practically dripping. You’re too worked up to feel even slightly embarrassed as he runs a finger along your slit. You practically jump at the sensation.

Without warning, he lunges forward and runs a tongue along you, his tongue hitting your clit with perfect precision, and you feel your knees go weak already. You suck in your breath as his tongue begins to lap at you, his hands keeping you spread.

He laps at your wetness, your walls clenching around nothing as his tongue works tirelessly on you. Soon he adds a finger, rubbing it to gather your juices before he slowly begins to push it inside you slowly. Your eyes practically roll back when his finger fully sinks inside of you.

“So tight for me baby. But I wonder what all of you tastes like.” He murmurs, and before you can even think of something coherent to say, he spits, the wetness drippbing down your asshole before his tongue is sliding up between your cheeks.

You swear under your breath as he begins to lick around your hole, his finger beginning to pump inside your wet core. The sensation is overwhelming and you begin to gyrate your hips, and as soon as he extends a finger to bump along your clit, you’re a goner. He thrusts his finger faster and swirls his tongue tightly and soon your diving over the edge, your orgasm wracking through you as your body pulses against your car.

Jin eases you through your orgasms until you begin to come down from your high. He pulls back from your ass and slips his finger out of you, leaving you panting.

“Delicious, just as I expected.” He smirks, and you barely throw him a look over your shoulder, and he grins sheepishly. You feel heat coursing through your body, a spike of shyness creeping through you.

He spins you around and then turns you both so that his back is pressed against the car. He pecks a hard kiss on your lips before leaning back and undoing his tie from his neck. He then wraps his arms around you, pulling your hands and knotting them together behind your back with his tie. He raises a questioning eyebrow at you and you simply nod. You wanted this.

You dropped to your knees on the dusty road, watching patiently as Jin began to unbuckle his trousers and letting them sag around his ankles. He then peeled down his boxers, settling them on his knees. He then smirks at you. He looks so broad and intimidating from this angle that it makes your mouth dry.

“I’m looking forward to this, Y/N. Don’t disappoint, now.” He demands, but you can see the playfulness in his features, and you fight smiling back at him.

“Yes sir.” You say in the sultriest voice you can muster, before dragging your tongue along the underside of his shaft.

His head rolls back and you smirk. You pull back off of him and spit on his shaft, and his head rocks back up. He smirks, and leans forward and dribbles some spit on his length too. Holding back a groan, you slide him in your mouth, spreading the spit along his length. Your hands twitch in their bindings to get involved, but you had to make do with just your mouth. You pull back off him with a pop, moving to take a testicle in your mouth, swirling your tongue on each one at a time, slowly. You only get through twenty seconds before Jin groans.

“Stop teasing me, pet. Take my cock in your mouth or I’ll make sure you suffer.” He growls, a hand sliding into your hair and yanking just hard enough to steer you.

Not wanting to upset him, you released a ball and run your tongue over the head of his cock, salty precum spreading across your tastebuds. Wasting no more time, you relax your throat and take him in. You let him revel in the warmth of your mouth for a few seconds before beginning to bob your head, drawing back and forth on his length.

“So good, Y/N. Keep going.” He grunts, gathering what he can of your hair into a fist.

Flushing at his praise, you push down further, feeling your throat try to close around his length. He groans and throws his head back, and before long he begins to move his hips, trying to find the right rhythm. You try to relax your throat as his speed builds up, letting him control your movements as he thrusts himself into you. You tug on your bindings, your eyes freely flowing. You can feel him getting close, his breathing more and more rapid and uneven, and you feel him twitching in your mouth despite how roughly he pushes into you.

With an abrupt tug on your hair, you’re pulled off his cock and facing up to Jin. His eyes are heavily lidded as he pants, broad chest heaving as he watches you watch you breath, tears running down your face. You offer him a watery smile and he groans again, letting your hair loose and gently rubbing his fingers into your abused scalp.

“Wow. A girl like you doesn’t come around every century.” He breathes, and you smile at his words. The tips of his ears begin to turn red and you feel your heart fluttering stupidly in your chest.

“Thank you sir.” You say, throwing in a wink for good measure. His eyes crinkle in amusement before he’s pulling you to your feet and walking you to the front of the car.

He bends you over the hood and lines himself up with your hole, running his length across your slit.

“You want this, my pet? Want to feel me inside you?” He whispers, pressing his chest to you back and sliding a hand to your throat.

“Oh fuck yes.” You grit out, but are swiftly brought back to reality by a hard smack on your ass cheek.

“Yes what?”

“Yes sir, I want your cock inside me, please.” You pant, turning your head to meet his eyes.

He gives you a devilish smirk as he resumes his slow movements across your slit before finally pushing himself inside you. You gasp at his unexpected size - not too big, but enough for a slight burn as he pushes further inside you. He seats himself fully inside and gives you a mere few seconds to adjust before he’s sliding almost fully out and then snapping his hips back into you. You gasp, wanting to find some way to hold on but you still had your hands tied, being pressed between your bodies.

Jin picks up a brutal pace, fucking his hips into you relentlessly. His hand around your throat begins to squeeze, and you can feel the blood pumping round your head. He releases his hold for a moment, and the little black spots that had begun to appear drift away.

“So good, Y/N baby. So tight for me.” He pants, saying whatever comes to his head as he forces himself closer to his orgasm.

He moved his free hand underneath your body, snaking it’s way to your clit and rubbing fast circles there. You cry out, Jin’s relentless pace pushing you to the edge.

“Fuck, Jin, I’m gonna-“

“Cum, pet, I wanna feel you around me.” He whispers, and with a few more hard strokes, you’re cumming.

You cry out as your orgasms rocks through your body, convulsing on the car as it rips through you. He gasps as your walls tighten around him, his harsh movements stuttering for just a moment.

Jin doesn’t let up his pace - in fact he works harder than ever, his hips roughly pounding into you. It all feels too much, but you can feel another orgasm wanting to come out. You had to push through pain to get it, and Jin knew too.

“We can get another, pet, I know we can.” He pants, pulling you both up so that you were standing as he rams into your sore hole.

He holds you against him by the throat as he begins squeezing again, your vision growing spotty as his fingers continue their assault on your clit. You swear continuously as you get higher and higher, and your next orgasm crashes over you.

Your clenching walls as your orgasms rocks through you pulls Jin with you, and soon he’s cumming too. He bites down on your shoulder but you don’t really feel it - your orgasms rocks through you as your sensitive core throbs. Jin’s hot cum fills you as he slows to a stop inside you. You feel it beginning to drip down your leg as he pulls out of you, warm and sticky, like pure sin. He finally releases your throat and your head swims, but Jin holds on to you and lays you both back over the hood of your car, both sucking in breath. He reaches over and unties your hands and you sigh, settling back on the hood rubbing them.

“Fuck.” Is all you say, and he lets out a breathless laugh next to you.

“Yes, Y/N. Fuck.”

“Do you do that with all the poor souls you meet?” You ask. Your head is still clearing, but you knew you desperately wanted the answer.

“No, you’re pretty special.” He smiles, rolling his head over to look at you.

You both look fucked out: sweaty faces and rapid breathing, blown out eyes that slowly start to refocus. But something is electric between you, and it wasn’t just great sex.

His eyes flick over your head to look at the moon and he curses under his breath. He sits up before getting off your car completely, pulling his boxers and pants back up. You follow him, pulling up your jeans and looking around for your top. You pull it on and chuck your bra and jacket into the car before turning to Jin.

He’s put his tie back on and finishes straightening it before he looks at you, fucked out and waiting for him in the moonlight.

“I don’t want to leave like this.” He blurts, and you cock your head.

“Demon shit, I understand.” You shrug, although you feel sadness creeping through your veins. You don’t want him to go. Not at all.

“... have you ever thought about becoming a demon?” He laughs, and your eyes widen.

“No, not really.”

“I think you’d make an excellent one. However,” he sighs, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around your waist. “You have a few years on the soul of yours to go.”

“Will I see you again?” You ask, pressing a hand to his broad chest.

“Of course, pet. I’m to watch over your soul until i can claim it. And you still owe me that favour.”

“Well, if you need any more favours like what we just did, I might be open to more visits.” You smile, heat tingling along your face. He laughs, the noise fast becoming one of your favourite sounds.

“Believe me, you cannot keep me away. But for now, I must go.”

He leans down one last time to press his lips against yours, your eyes fluttering closed. It’s’ a gentle but meaningful kiss, but he breaks away too soon. He gives you one last look before slipping out of your grasp and walking back to the centre of the crossroads.

Light tinges on the edges of the world, the dark black slipping into a deep blue. You can see the twinkle of his eyes as he turns to face you, a small smirk on his lips. He raises and hand and blows an exaggerated kiss to you and you laugh and look away briefly.

“I’ll be seeing you again very soon, Y/N. Wait for me.” He smiles sadly, and you nod fervently at him.

“I will, Jin. I promise.”

A gust of wind whips around you, sending your hair and dirt from the road into your face. You shield your eyes until the wind stops, and with a quick glance you see that Jin has gone.

Stifling the sadness that threatens to well in you, you walk back to your car and climb inside. You slump your head against the wheel and run a hand over your face when you feel something cool. You look down to see the ring you offered sitting on your finger, glinting brightly in the moonlight.

You smile, your heart thudding rapidly in your chest. With a deep, steadying breath, you turn the engine on and begin to move off. With one final look over your shoulder to the crossroad, you head back to your dead-end town with a new hope in your heart.

A new start, a new life, and a new person who will be a big part of your life.

Well, maybe ‘person’ was a stretch, but it didn’t matter to you. Not really.

[kweebtrash]

Duality (M)

Messy Chapter 10

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, Angst

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, broken friendships/relationships, not really being into sex but continuing anyway, bunch of crying and sad feelings, little bit of violence, jealousy

Features: daddy/princess/bdsm dynamics, kinda primal/prey vibes (just a lil bit), oral, handjob, light restraints/blindfolds, use of a vibrator, fingering, finger sucking, rough sex, spanking, choking, squirting, over stretching, unprotected sex (i really have to make them behave more sorry), cumshot, subdrop/explanation of subdrops.

Word Count: 20.5k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. My laptop shut off in the middle of editing and i basically screamed so if there’s mistakes i’ll fix them later when I don’t want to die. Also, vine reference. Also, song Johnny sings is church by chase atlantic (Don’t @ me i’m seeing them in a week and I’m excited ok.) Also pt 3, i’ll add a better gif when I can find one. i haven’t gotten one that feels like it sets the mood right. also pt4, i hate this chapter and think its terrible. apparently 10 is my unlucky number because i always have a hard time with chapter 10s of my series. so fml ig.

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I knocked on the apartment door, almost slamming my fist against it. I was trying to keep my cool but absolutely failing miserably. I rubbed at my cheeks, erasing the tears that were pooling on my waterline and falling in fast globs. He opened the door and welcomed me into his arms, squeezing me tight. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just pushed back my snow damped hair and kissed my forehead. Running to him first was a new experience for me yet he was the only person I had faith in at this moment. I was getting closer to wanting to evaporate into non existence and forget that I ever had a life.

“I can help you…” Taeyong whispered. “I know it’s fucked up but we can get through this.”

I knew he was trying to be reassuring but my mind couldn’t even grasp that concept. “I’m a mess, Tae. I really am. I have no idea how to fix this or how to fix anything. And now my closest friends- Johnny, Yuta, Ten- they all wanted these pictures and shared them? How could I ever trust them after that?”

"I told you Johnny wasn't that great. Yuta and Ten have been shits too. On top of that, Lucas shared a picture in the chat a while ago."

"L-Lucas?" My heart broke, absolutely shattered into minuscule shards. Above all else Lucas was my baby. I loved him so much, I cared for him, I made sure he was fed, I held him when he cried over being homesick. The feeling of betrayal was taking over and I grabbed onto Taeyong to try and ground myself any way possible. "Tae, I…"

"I know...come here." He helped pull off my coat and scarf and lead me to his room. Being in his arms and curled up in bed sounded so good right now. I wanted to forget everything, forget that I had to cut my friends off, forget that I had to try and piece everything together. We both slipped into his bed and snuggled under the covers. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat. "We can talk to them. They need to delete the pictures. If they see how hurt you are they'll do it no matter what. It was a game to them before."

"Do you really think that just talking to them is going to change their minds about having these pictures of me? I don't even know how many they have! My sessions with them last hours, there could be hundreds. I almost feel as if it's not worth it…"

"Don't say that." He kissed me gently and cupped my face. "Please don't. They need to know that this is wrong. I’m gonna be with you, Eri. You can trust me.”

I clutched onto his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder. "Why now, Tae? Why would you start caring about me now?"

"I told you, I never hated you. And I know that this is just more drama but it's different circumstances this time. I've always liked you. We hung out for a bit when we were working on that project but after that we fizzled out. I want to get back where we were."

"W-what do you mean?" Was he confessing to me? Did he actually like like me? It only made my head spin more. I couldn't even think straight or see what was right ahead of me.

"I mean…" He pushed me down gently, making me flush with the mattress. "I would much rather be able to protect you then have some giant idiot fuck things up."

"Y-yeah but I…" I couldn't possibly tell him that I was in love with Johnny since I felt that Johnny had betrayed me. I didn't want to talk to him at all, the hurt was too much to bear. Being here with Taeyong had me feeling confused and so vulnerable. I didn't know if I needed protecting. After all how could you protect someone from the outside dangers of rumor spreading and heartache? What would happen once those pictures were deleted? I couldn't get them back from everyone they had sent it too. It could be on a grander scale than their stupid group chat. My body could be spread throughout this entire campus and I would be none the wiser.

"He's no good for you Eri. None of them are. Just forget them. You have to start over now. They'll only hurt you more."

"I-it's not that easy, Tae. It hurts a-and-" He pressed his lips against mine then, catching me off guard. My hands clutched at his shoulders and I didn't know if I should push him away or pull him closer. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me nor was I expecting him to slide his hand under my shirt. "Tae, w-wai-"

"Shh, Eri. I'm here for you, ok?" He moved his other hand to hold mine, looking down at me with tender eyes that hid dangerous intentions. I averted my gaze and swallowed hard.

"I know, I know. And i-i'm grateful but it's just-" He kissed me again, keeping me quiet and in a vortex of weird emotions I couldn't  quite figure out. There were times where I kissed him back and other times where i wanted to disappear. It was like I didn't have a grip on reality or who I was anymore. I was feeling him faster than I anticipated, reeling in a mix of limbs, kisses, and touches. All I could think about was the pain in my heart and the vile acid in my stomach that made me sick. Flashes of those pictures danced behind my eyelids every time I squeezed them shut, like a paralyzing demon choking my sanity and ripping it apart. Something so simple as a cell phone picture could ruin someone's entire being and leave them soulless.

"Hey…" I opened my eyes and looked up at Taeyong. He pushed his sweat drenched hair back and gave me a puzzled look. "You ok?"

I finally registered that I was naked and he was inside me and had been for quite some time. My mind had drifted that far out. "Wha-? Yeah, I’m, uh, I'm good."

He smiled at me. It was cute and seemed gentle so I let him continue. I held onto him, easily wrapping my arms around his small back and feeling him resume his thrusts. I thought about all the men before him who had been inside me; the smiles, laughs, and lustful feelings I had with each one. Those had all faded away. Now all that was left was Taeyong hoping that I would somehow fall into his arms and stay there. I could but it didn't feel like I would be staying true to myself. I valued him as a friend but what were friends anyway when they didn’t give a damn about you. He stayed on top of me for a while and it did actually feel nice to have a bit of security. He kissed my cheeks, lips, and the back of my knuckles. I almost felt like those kisses were full of hope- a fresh start like what he said. I just needed to let it go, let everything go.

But there was too much I was tethered to.

When he fell asleep beside me I snuck out of his bed, got dress, and left as quietly as I could. The drive home felt like I was on autopilot an when I got to the apartment I was surprised to see him there.

"Eri!" He bounded towards me scooping me up in his big arms and spinning me around as if he hadn't seen me in years. His smile was big, dopey, and full of excitement I didn't return. He noticed something was wrong instantly and set me down. I didn't want to start facing my new demons right away but I guess it was time. "What's wrong?" Lucas asked.

I looked over at Quinn who was coming out of the kitchen, hoping that they would be a pillar of support. They could tell something was wrong as well and came over to my side. "Eri, what happened?"

I looked up at Lucas and squared my shoulders. "How many pictures do you have of me?"

He raised his eyebrow and laughed. "Tons! I mean we always take selfies together! Why?"

I shook my head. "How many pictures do you have of us fucking? How many pictures did you take without me knowing?"

His smile faded and Quinn traded confused glares between us. "Wait, what's going on?"

"Yeah, what exactly are you talking about?" He asked.

"The group chat, Lucas. I know all about it. I know all about the pictures you, Yuta, and Ten shared and what Johnny asked for. So how many do you have?" I said through grit teeth.

"Lucas, you took pictures of Eri without their consent?" Quinn's anger was starting to appear and Lucas' massive body seemed to shrink before us.

"W-well...I...I mean. It was just- I just-"

"You just what, Lucas?!" Quinn yelled. "Show them to me right now!"

"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!"

"Then why did you send them to this group chat?! Who else did you send them to?" 

"I-i...I only sent it to the chat I swear! Taeil DM'd me so I sent it to him but they were the only people that saw it that I know of!"

"Tae-? Taeil too?!" I screeched. "Who the fuck is in this chat?!" I grabbed onto Lucas and shoved him towards the couch. Quinn made a quick rush for his phone that had been sitting on the coffee table.

"Unlock it, Lucas. Show us everything. And I mean everything." They said.

Lucas pressed his thumb to the home screen and went to the Facebook chat. "It hasn't been active much but you can see everything we've talked about." He said sadly.

Quinn scrolled through the messages and I read over their shoulder. We had scrolled all the way to the end of August, shuffling through stupid banter to get to the pictures and talks surrounding me. I collapsed into the single seat chair we had and closed my eyes. Now Taeil was roped into this which meant it was five people that I thought I could trust who dissolved our relationship into nothing.

"Wait," Quinn said. "Did Johnny not ever want to see these pics? It looks like he was trying to get them to stop."

I cracked open one eye and turned my head towards Quinn. Had they read something I skimmed over a little too much?

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, he never wanted the pics. He would always tell them to stop sending them and talking bad about you."

"Yeah, especially when you guys were keeping score of how many times you fucked Eri!" Quinn shoved at Lucas' head. "Have we taught you nothing?! We've done a lot for you! We've taken care of you and you're gonna treat them like that?!”

"I didn't think it was that bad! I still love you, Eri!"

I stood up slowly and took off my coat, leaving it behind in the chair. "Lucas, I just want you to know that I'm more heartbroken over you than anyone else. I've loved you for so long. You're like a brother to me. I held you and comforted you every time you missed your family and being back in China. I've taken care of you ever since Quinn bought you over. And now...you contributed to something that possibly spread to this entire campus. I don't think I'd ever forgive you."

"No! Eri! Please don't say that! I'm sorry! I haven't taken any other pictures since then!" He grabbed onto my arm but I shoved him away.

"Don't touch me!" I yanked my arm back and turned my attention to Quinn. "You handle him. I can't even look at him right now." 

Quinn sighed and tossed Lucas' phone onto the table. "Yeah...I will."

I made a break for my room and shut the door tight behind me. I flopped onto my bed and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn't leaving my room, I decided. Class and work could fuck off. I didn't care anymore. I pulled my blanket over myself and hid away from the world hoping that somehow when I woke up everything would magically have gone back to normal.

I woke up, later on, to the smell of menthols and musk. I thought I had somehow rolled around in my bed to hit the wall but I realized the wall was breathing. I cracked my eyes open, wincing a bit at the light coming from my desk lamp. It was dim but I had spent so much time burrowed under the covers I needed time for my eyes to readjust. He was beside me, eyes closed, with his arms curled to his chest. How the hell did he get in here? Why was he here?

"Johnny?" I croaked.

His eyes shot open instantly as if he hadn't been asleep at all. "Hey, babe." He gave me a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"What in the fuck are you doing here?" I didn't mean it to sound harsh but I was still tired and pissed that I hadn't fucking died in my sleep.

"Quinn texted me about all the...stuff."

"Mhm." I grunted and turned away from him. "You were ever gonna tell me?"

"At first I didn't care enough about you to. Then the stuff happened with me and you know who so I wasn't in the chat as often. Then the stuff happened with your family and now...it’s blown up. I wanted to, I did, but there was so much other stuff that got in the way. But I guess we have to face it now. I'm sorry, you know that right?"

"Yeah, everyone's sorry. Of course everyone is sorry now that they got caught. No one was sorry when I was tied up and helpless. No one was sorry when I had a gag in my mouth thinking I was having a good time. No one was sorry when they realized they didn't give a damn about me. No one was sorry before but they sure as hell are now, aren't they?"

"Eri," he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "It's not exact-" He was silent for a moment. "Where did you get these hickies from?"

"What?" I turned my head towards him, confused and annoyed that he would bring something up like that now.

He tugged at the neckline of my shirt and pulled it back. "These are new."

I shrugged him off me and curled up. "I didn't even notice to be honest."

His tongue clicked against his cheek. "Who was it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know." He stated flatly.

"And? It’s none of your business."

"Eri, fucking tell me."

I sat up and glared right at him. "It was Taeyong. He told me about the pictures and he showed me screenshots of the group chat. He showed me a part of the chat where you asked the others how many pictures they had of me."

He scoffed and slammed his hand onto the mattress. "Taeyong! Of fucking course! Who else would it fucking be."

"I don't have time to deal with your pissing contest and jealousy Johnny. I really fucking don't."

"This isn't about jealousy! Don't you see what he's fucking doing?! He has some goddamn personal vendetta against me and he wants you!"

"What vendetta would he have against you?! And he doesn't want me like that, were just friends. I trust him. He's the only one who didn't fucking lie to me."

"I didn't lie to you!" He shouted. "I never did anything or asked for your photos. The ones you sent me are the only ones I have and they're password protected on my fucking phone. He took something that I said out of context and you actually doubted me?!"

"I don't know what to think anymore Johnny!! I'm losing my mind! I have to talk with all my friends about how they destroyed my feelings for them and completely disrespected me, I have to deal with these pictures, on top of my dead grandpa, on top of my family not being here for the holidays, on top of wanted to fucking off myself every three goddamn minutes! I didn't-" I huffed in frustration. "I didn't even really know when he was inside me. It was just kind of a blur. Everything's a blur…"

Johnny gripped my hand so tight I thought my bones we're going to crumble. "You didn't know what?"

"I just didn't know. It just sort of happened. It was kinda like I was going in and out. I was sad, then I was ok, sometimes I felt something and other times I just laid there. I-i don't know."

"Eri...did he hurt you?"

"No, it wasn't...it wasn't exactly like that. It was weird. I was weird. It's just...forget about it." I said defeated.

"Look at me." He forced my head up and gripped my chin tight. "Tell me if he hurt you! Tell me right now!"

"No, he…it wasn't...it's not like that. He's not like that. I know him."

"Do you?! Do you really think that he wouldn't hurt you or hurt me to get to you?!"

"Stop yelling at me!" I shoved his hands away and smacked his chest. "Just don't touch me! Don't kiss me! Don't do anything thing! Delete all those pictures you have of me saved! Delete them!"

He removed his phone from his pants pocket and tossed it in my lap. "Do it yourself since you don't trust me."

"I do trust you! I trust you too much! I trust everyone too much! I give everyone everything and all they do is fucking take from me!" Tears splattered on the phone screen and I tried to wipe them away but my hands were shaking too much. "When is it going to end? When is it all going to end?" I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, his legs crossed. He held out his pinky and I looked up at him, hiccuping through my tears. I linked us together and held on tight, wanting to feel grounded and loved and sane. He never gave me those things but I just needed someone. Anyone.

"Eriannalisse…" I knew he wasn't saying my birth name to spite me but rather to be entirely serious. "You helped me when I thought I was worthless and an empty void. I know you're feeling exactly that and I'm going to repay the favor. You're my friend, you may be one of my best friends. I've never cared about anyone this much other than Jae and my mom. I need you to know that what's happening, right here, right now, I'm going to make it end for you. I'm gonna make damn sure you're not suffering, ok?"

I sniffled and leaned into him, setting my head on his shoulder. "How can you be so sure? How can you promise that?"

"Because...I bet my whole fucking life on it."

--

Johnny's POV

He had a confused look on his face as soon as he saw me outside his dorm room. "Johnny," he purred. "What brings you here?"

"Can I come inside?"

"I love it when people come inside." I rolled my eyes at his double entendre but stepped into his room, taking off my coat and setting it on his desk chair. I rolled up my sleeves and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I need you." I said flatly.

Ten's eyes widened and I could see his face flush. "E-excuse me?"

"I need you, Ten. I need you to do something for me." I stepped closer to him, making him inch backwards until he fell back onto his bed. I crawled on top of him, grabbing his face and keeping us inches apart. "Will you do it?"

"I'll do anything for you, Johnny. You know I will."

He tried to crane his neck to kiss me but I snapped my head back. "Where's your phone? How about we take with some pictures?"

"Anyway you want me, baby. Of course." He said eagerly.

"Hmm," I hummed. "You love taking naughty little pictures don't you? My little slut."

"Yes! Yes! I do. Fuck, I never thought this day would come."

"Me either, sweetheart." I gripped his chin tighter. "Give me your phone."

His body shuddered at my command and he stretched his hand out to reach for it beside his pillow. I took it graciously and pressed my knee between his legs hard. "Now we're going to play a game. Wanna know what it is?"

He nodded like an excited puppy. "Yes please!"

"It's called," I lowered myself back to his face, gripping a fistful of his hair tightly. "You ever, and I mean ever,fucking take pictures of my girlfriend again, I’ll kill you!" I growled.

"Ahh, Johnny! Fuck that hurts! What girlfriend?!"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Eri! You took pictures without their consent and blasted it all over the chat! Who else did you send them too?"

"N-no one! When did you become official?!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I swear to God you better not lie to me, Ten."

"I-im not! I swear!! It was mostly with Yuta! He has them too!" He squeaked.

"I know he does. Trust me, he'll get his next. But right now I'm two seconds away from crushing your dick and I wouldn't fucking feel bad at all. Are they only on your phone?"

"Y-yes! Let go of me!"

I yanked his hair again. "They're not on a cloud?"

"No! I swear! My own pictures are in there. I don't use my cloud storage! Johnny!"

I forced him to unlock his screen and opened up the gallery. I had to scroll through a thousand photos but I found the chunk of Eri and deleted them at once before chucking the phone at his chest. "Find any that I missed."

I let his hair go and waited for him to delete any others. "Why the f-fuck are you acting like this?!" He sniffled.

"Why am I acting like this? Because you pissed me off, Ten! Eri has been through fucking hell and back. They're on the verge of fucking killing themselves and now this shit surfaces?! You don't mess with them ever. Not for any kink shit, or hanging out, nothing. Do you understand me?."

"What's going on with them?"

"Don't pretend like you fucking care!" I hissed. "If you cared enough you wouldn't have spread this shit. They trusted you during those kink times. You're their controller person! Aren't you supposed to treat the bottom person with respect?!" He averted my gaze and stayed quiet. I knew it clicked in his head then. "I know a lot about non consent and I'm the worst person to bring that shit to." I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him to my face. "Say you won't go near them."

"Are you going to beat me up or something?"

"No, much worse. I'll find a way to bring you down if you cross me again. I just needed to get through to you and I know a little pain goes a long way. Now say it."

"I-i won't go near them…"

"Speak up!"

"I said I won't go near them!" He shouted.

"Glad we're on the same page then." I let him go completely and grabbed my coat. "Where's your shitty roommate?"

Ten shrugged. "Don't know really. I haven't seen him all day."

"Ten." I said sternly. 

"I mean it, asshole!" He threw his phone at me and I narrowly dodged it. "I hate you."

"The feelings mutual. If you see him, tell him Eri’s boyfriend is looking for him.”

--

Eri's POV

It was hard facing Yuta. I had managed to catch him as he was coming home from studying at the library and hanging with Taeil. He was all smiles at first, until he saw the look on my face. Though I tried to sleep more, I was starting to get anxiety every time I closed my eyes and nothing would make it go away. Johnny had been gone for awhile and said he would return after work but that was hours ago. That left me to face Yuta alone. We went into his room and he sat down on his bed, patting the space beside me. I followed and kept my head low, trying to take deep breaths.

"We need to talk." I began.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I...I found out something about you that I never would have expected."

"Oh? If it's something sexual I don't think you should be surprised." He chuckled a little then almost instantly shut up.

"No, it's... Taeyong told me about something you did."

"Taeyong? What the hell does he want? Another plot to get to you or some shit?"

"He told me about the pictures."

Color drained from Yuta's face and he quickly turned his head away from me. "P-pictures?"

"Don't try to lie now. I know about the pictures you took of me during our scenes, when I was tied up, when I was gagged, when I was blindfolded, when I had toys inside me. How could you do this to me? You're literally one of my good friends and you go and betray my trust? My privacy?!"

"Eri, it was- it wasn't-!"

"I said don't lie to me!" I grabbed my phone and pulled up Taeyong and I's past conversation. "I have screenshots. I have the pictures you sent into this group chat. For you to laugh at? Or jack off to? Who else did you send them to?!"

"It wasn't anyone specific! I mean Ten had seen them and I sent some to Taeil. Most of it went into the group chat so the guys saw it."

"Did you post any online?"

"Ah...only some cropped ones. Just focusing on the rope work mostly. Nothing identifying are on those."

“You will take them down immediately.” I commanded.

“It’s for my portfolio! Those pictures are just of the rope!”

“I. Dont. Fucking. Care. You can take new pictures for your stupid fucking portfolio with people that actually give you consent! I need them deleted!” I could see the hesitation in his eyes and it only made me angrier. “You and I were good friends! We’ve known each other since sophomore year! You made my body do amazing things and every time we kissed I...something sparked! We always laughed over anime and went to the bookstore, got boba, and hung out and this is how you repay me?!” I shoved at his shoulders weakly. We had built a relationship that was supposed to be stronger than most and yet it had crumbled away in the blink of an eye. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. They were almost painful with how hot and full of anger they were. I hated that I was crying. I was pissed off more than anything.

"I…" Yuta tried to find the words and I waited eagerly for some sort of explanation.

"Tell me! Tell me why you thought this was ok!"

"I wasn't thinking!" He shouted.

"Of course you weren't! You have no remorse for ruining my life!"

"It wasn't like that! I just sent it to the group chat! I didn't send it anywhere else! Only the people that you've fucked have seen them!"

"That's not the point, Yuta! Even if they've seen me naked a thousand times I didn't give consent to those photos! Why did you take them in the first place?!"

"You're gonna hate the reason." He said, his voice a little quieter.

"I already hate you. Make this worse. Go ahead."

"Please don't hate me, Eri. Please."

"No, you don't get a say in how I feel. Tell me why you did it!"

He pushed his hair back and rubbed at his eyes. "I just kept them to jack off too, ok? It's not a good reason. I told you, you would hate it."

"You're a fucking pig! You know that?!"

"Call me whatever you want. I deserve it."

"No, do not, and I mean do NOT, play the victim card!" 

"I'm not! I told you I deserve it! I told you the truth about why I kept them and I sent them because i wanted to! I wanted the guys to see them! I wanted them to see how hot you looked and it turned them on! It was all for us to look at and use. I can't lie about something I did! I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry!”

“You’re only sorry you got caught! We can't be friends anymore, Yuta. I mean it.”

“Eri, please, just listen-” He tried to reach out to me and I jumped up from the bed, backing away from him.

“Don’t come near me. Delete those pictures and if you don’t I’ll find out about it and it’ll be even worse. I swear.”

“I love you, Eri….” He whispered.

“No you fucking don’t! Don’t say that now! Don’t ever say that to me! It’s all bullshit. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl to put on a fucking pedastal when it’s convenient for you and I sure as hell ain’t your rope bunny anymore. Fuck off, Yuta. Fuck off and fuck you!” I opened his door and stormed out, running to the elevator and slamming my thumb against the down button. I looked at my phone and sighed. I wished I could talk to Johnny now but I knew he was busy. I had to stick it out by myself. The doors opened finally and my eyes went wide when I saw Taeyong in the elevator.

“Eri! What are you doing here?” he asked.

I sniffled and let out an exasperated sigh. “Talking to Yuta about the fucking pictures and telling him to delete them. It was...a mess.”

“I was about to do the same thing actually. I told you i would help you.”

“I know...thank you.” I stood quiet and stepped into the elevator.

“Do you want to maybe...hang out for a bit? I doubt you want to be alone right now.” He offered. I really didn’t know if I wanted to be alone or not. “We could go to my place…”

“Taeyong...about last time. Um...when we, ya know.”

“Hm? What about it?” He looked at me curiously.

“I wasn’t really feeling like myself so it was a bit weird for me and in general I don't think I can hook up with you anymore.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean you felt weird and we can’t hook up?”

“It’s not really you. I just...it’s kind of hard for me to be with anyone else right now. With everything that’s going on it’s not feeling right anymore.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“So because of some pictures you’re gonna stop hooking up with me?”

“It’s not just the pictures!” Why wasn’t he understanding? “It’s all these guys that i’ve fucked that I no longer trust because of it!”

“Oh, but you trust Johnny?” He snapped.

I threw up my hands in frustration. “Yes I trust Johnny because I’m in love with him!” I screamed. Taeyong took a step back at my sudden confession. It was the first time I had told someone while I was sober, someone who wasn’t family, someone who was in direct contact with Johnny and could tell him at the drop of a hat. The elevator doors opened then and I rushed out not wanting to stay within the confines of my confession. I ran until my lungs burned, not sure where to even go. I just wanted to run away from my feelings like I always did. I was struggling to catch my breath with the icy air shredding my insides. I set my hands on my knees and huffed thinking about how stupid I was to not have gone back to the student parking lot. I could have just driven home and gotten cozy but no. Here I was freezing my ass off after admitting that I was in love and yelling at my former friend that I hated him. Life sure was fucking grand.

I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck and looked around to see if I was by any of the bus stops that looped around campus. There was one up ahead and it was directly in front of the coffee shop Johnny worked at. Would I seem too needy by going inside? Even if it was for just a bit to warm up? Yeah, that was my excuse. I shuffled in, hugging myself to stop my shivering. The inside of the shop was warm and cozy which was a godsend in this winter weather. It wasn't as busy, most likely since Christmas was just around the corner and the on campus students were preparing for finals and heading back home. He was propped up on the counter talking to his coworker, smiling and laughing a bit and I wondered if maybe they were flirting. No Eri, don't be that kind of person.

I stepped closer to the counter, staying quiet and hoping he noticed me. It turned out that were talking about Game of Thrones which was a completely normal thing to talk about amongst friends. What wasn’t normal was her "You should come over sometime and we can watch it together." No Eri, you can't deck a random girl in the face. 

"Well um...Eri!" Johnny's loud voice snapped me out of my evil thoughts and he jumped over the counter to come to my side. "Hey I'm going on break real quick!" He said to his coworker.

"But you already went on break!" She protested.

"Shhhh, were not busy just, fuck, give me like 10 minutes, ok?" She pouted and crossed her arms but he ignored her and pulled me over to the back table where we had sat months before. Yes Eri, you can feel a bit victorious over that. We slid into the booth on the same side and he set his arm on the back of the seat. "What happened? I told you I’d come over later."

"I talked to Yuta…" I began.

"Without me?Eri, you know I wanted to be there."

"I know but I just needed to get it over with. Then Taeyong showed up and-"

I noticed tension surrounding him and I set my hand on his chest. "Down, boy. We didn't do anything. I just came here."

"He's trying to screw you over, Eri. I fucking know it and-"

"I said down. I broke it off with him for good, ok? I don't want to be with anyone right now." I sighed.

"Wait...you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No-no! I meant like I don't want to be with anyone else but you right now. We've just got this comfortable thing going on and it's like...uh...nice." I tried to recover as best as possible without sounding too desperate.

"Oh...cool." He leaned in for a kiss and i wrapped my arms around his neck, just needing him against me. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me tight, comforting me to the fullest.

"I don't want to linger in this negativity anymore." I confessed. "I want to do something more positive."

"Like what?"

"Well...my family isn't here and I always spend Christmas with them. Are you going to see your mom?"

He shook his head sadly. "Can't afford to right now, especially not with how much heavier the snow is getting. My tires treads are shit. It won't be safe to drive such a long distance again."

"Do you want to maybe come over instead of being alone? We could have our own little Christmas together. Maybe make it suck a little less."

"That sounds nice actually." He smiled. "Jae can't go back to Korea either so i can have him tag along. Will Quinn be there?"

I nodded. "They don't really see their family a lot. They're not talking."

"Well sweet. Then it'll be the four of us."

The four of us. I couldn't help but think about my Lucas. He had spent the past two Christmases with us and this was the first time he wouldn't be. I didn't want to see him just yet but god I cared about him so much that I needed to make sure he was okay. I needed to find someone who would look after him. Maybe Doyoung? I would have to see what his plans were and if he would agree to such a thing. I hated bothering him especially since my life had been consumed by so many disasters that I barely saw him. Now I would be asking him to do a huge favor for me. I was sure he was going to turn me down but it was worth a shot.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked. I didn't want him to get riled up or have to explain my complicated feelings towards my best friends so instead I lied and told him I blanked out. That seemed to satisfy him and he cupped my face in his hand. "I should get going. We're gonna try to clean up a bit early so we can lock up on time. I'll be over at like 10, ok?"

I nodded. "I'd like that a lot. I'll see you." 

He slid out of the booth and I followed suit, getting ready to plunge myself in the frozen tundra once again. "Hey, you want a hot chocolate before you go?" He asked.

I smiled and held him around his waist. "Absolutely."

--

I looked at the various foods I had cooking and sighed. I was trying too hard to make up for the fact that Johnny, Jae, Quinn, and I weren’t with our families. I was still thinking about Lucas, who was now with Doyoung who had graciously accepted my favor. I promised to save them a whole feast from what I cooked in exchange. Doyoung got a brief rundown of what had happened with the pictures though I dodged the bit about Lucas being involved. I didn’t want Doyoung to be malicious to him in his overprotective nature and instead told him we had a small falling out and that it was a bit awkward between us. It wasn’t entirely a lie and was enough to get Lucas under Doyoungs watchful eye. Maybe in a few weeks I would feel better about talking to him and would answer his 'i love you' texts.

I had piles of Tupperware filled with food for the both of them, serving as both a show of gratitude and to help me fulfill my destiny of turning into my damn grandmother. I wanted to make sure everyone ate, no one felt lonely, and I was okay slaving away to do so. It was almost comedic. I sighed and wiped my hands on my shorts before grabbing an oven mitt to check on the pork I had cooking. There was a knock on the door then and I shouted for Quinn to open it. They had been frantically doing some last minute cleaning and were zipping around like they had three energy drinks in their system. "I got it!" They called out and ran to the door.

I heard Jae and Johnny come in, loud and all laughs as usual. I ignored them for now and poked at the meat with a fork, testing it's tenderness. It had been cooking since I woke up at 6 am (again, another sign of me turning into my grandma) and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I decided it needed just a little bit more time and then I could put the pies in. Even with everything I had made I wondered it it was enough and if everyone would like it. I felt a hand on my hip then and I stood up straight, turning to face Johnny. "Hey, baby." He said lowly before his eyes flickered to my hair. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

He ran his fingers through my ponytail and pouted just a bit. "It's straight."

I shrugged. "I wanted to look nice I guess."

"I like the curls better." He cupped my face nonetheless and placed a few tender kisses against my lips. "Also what the hell are you making? Are you trying to feed an army?"

"Yeah well...about that…" I chuckled, nervously. "Once I started I couldn't stop so...now I have a lot. It's mostly american and carribean stuff. I wasn't sure if I should try to make anything Korean. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself."

"It all smells fucking good. I'm starving."

Jae came into the kitchen then, hauling a case of beer and a few bottles of light and dark liquor. "Eri, where should I put these? Is there room in the fridge?"

I nodded. "Should be. You can leave the liquor out if you want to start this off right."

"I'll settle for a beer right now."

"Toss me one too." Johnny said. 

Jae opened the fridge and slid the arsenal inside before tossing a can to Johnny. They both popped open their cans and took a few gulps before Jae realized he was awkwardly standing with us. "Well...I'll leave you two to be sluts and what not." He left the kitchen then, going off to find Quinn who I believe disappeared into their room.

Johnny and I laughed but also fell into a little bit of awkwardness of our own. "So, how you holding up?" He dared to ask.

"What do you mean?"

He gestured vaguely at the food and the kitchen. "You know...you're not with your family. Your grandpa isn't here...all the shit with the photos…"

I diverted my eyes to the tiled floor. "I'm trying." I said softly. "If not easy. I didn't cry when I talked to my mom though so that was a big step for me. Her and Dani are still down there, probably will come back after New Year's. I guess I drowned myself in cooking because it's what I always used to watch my grandma do."

"Have you taken a break yet?"

"Nah, not really. Been up since 6 am."

He grabbed onto my hand and started to pull me away from the kitchen. "C'mon. You need to sit down."

"I can't! I have to finish the pies and-"

"Eri, a little break won't kill you. Come on."

I pouted and gave in to his demand, letting him drag me towards my room. He closed the door softly behind us and sat down on my bed, sipping at his beer again. I sat beside him, unsure of exactly what he wanted me to do  "How long do I have to sit here?"

"Eri, please. Just...chill. you can never stay still." He set his beer down on the floor and sighed. "I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"It just helps to stop thinking...I don't want to think." I admitted. He leaned into me slowly, placing soft kisses against me. I set my hand on his waist, sighing softly as he cupped my neck. I don't know how long we got lost in each other but it felt like a security blanket wrapped around me. I smiled when we parted, keeping him close to me.

"Hey um...i, uh, got you something." He said suddenly.

"W-what? Like a Christmas gift?"

"Yeah, um…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My eyes went wide as I completely was unexpecting.

"Is that a jewelry box?!" I squeaked, clutching at my chest.

"Yeah…" He flipped open the lid and I stared at the bracelet that laid within it. "It's a constellation and the stone parts are like the stars or whatever, because, you know, you like all that astrology shit and the, um, stars. So…" He was stumbling over his words and I could see his ears flushing slightly.

"O-oh...oh wow." Was all I could say. I was too stunned. It was gorgeous; so simple yet so thoughtful. It looked like it cost way too much too. I was confused as to why he would go through so much to buy me something as amazing as this but I was forever grateful.

"You don't like it, do you?" 

I shook my head quickly. "No! No! It's beautiful! Seriously, oh my god. C-can I wear it?"

"Oh! Yeah! Uh-" He pulled the bracelet out carefully but dropped the box in the process. The both of us bent down to pick it up and ended up knocking our heads together. "Ouch! Shit!"

I rubbed at the sore spot on my temple and as we both looked at each other we burst into laughter. We were truly a pair of klutzy idiots. He nodded towards the bracelet and I extended my wrist, letting him clasp it on. The cheesiest grin crossed my face as I stared at the glimmering tiny stones. I truly did love it. I wrapped my arms around him tight, practically crashing into him. "Thank you, Johnny. Seriously."

"It's nothing, baby. You deserve it."

I stayed in his arms for a bit until I came to a harsh realization. "Shit…" I muttered.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I didn't want to look at him as I now felt like an utter fool. "I...I got you something too but it doesn't compare to how great this is."

"What? What could you have possibly gotten me?"

"I don't wanna show you now! It's wack!"

"No! Now you have to! Please! Let me see!" He pleaded.

I pouted but went over to my desk and grabbed the gift. I held out my fist and dropped it into his open palm. He stared at it for awhile. "Ohh...it's a rock."

I groaned and covered my face. "Well it's fluorite! And it's supposed to help with anxiety and calmness. So I wire wrapped it and made it into a necklace but now it's stupid and not great and just give it back to me!" I reached for it but he craned his body away, extending his long arm so I could reach. He pushed me away gently and put the necklace around him.

"Thank you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my cheek. "I like it. Alot."

"You're just saying that. You can just throw it out."

"Never." He pulled me close to his chest and squeezed me tight. I sighed softly and wrapped my arms around him, stealing all his warmth. "I have another present for you "

"What?! No! Johnny, what the hell!? You shouldn't have!" I wanted to curl away from all the spoiling attention he was giving me.

"It's not like a gift- gift. But I do need something from you."

"Like what?" I said suddenly confused.

"Restraints."

It was almost as if time stopped and we stared at each other awkwardly as I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was screaming but my body remained frozen. Restraints? As in...restraints in the bedroom? As in...kinky? As in...him wanting to tie me up? As in me panicking? Oh yes, okay, THOSE restraints. "Excuse me?" Was the best words my mouth could make.

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, so, like, those ties or something simple. Do you have some?"

"U-uh, yeah but...what?"

"Just trust me ok?"

I was still stunned and confused but I slid off the bed and got on my knees to pull out the box that had my beginner equipment in it from under my bed. I blew the dust off the top and opened it up, not having paid attention to it in awhile. "U-uh...here, I guess." I set the box in his lap to rifle through.

He moved some things aside, pulling out silk ties and a blindfold. Then he took an interest in a small finger vibe I had, looking over the nubs in confusion. "What's this?" He flicked on the switch and almost tossed it into the air as the vibrations started. "Ohohohohoh! Shit!" He fumbled to shut it off and dumped it back in the box.

"It's a finger vibe. You just...put it on your finger and go to town. It's actually nice I just haven't used it in awhile." I blushed.

"Does it actually work?"

"Want me to show you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. "Definitely." I set the box aside and started working open his pants when he stopped me. “Whoawhoawhoa! Not on me! On you!”

“I don't want to really do it on me. I think you would like it. Just give it a shot. Have you ever used a vibrator before?”

“NO! Why would I need to?! I’m a guy!”

I rolled my eyes. “And? Guys use vibators all the time. Stop being such a dumb boy.” I opened his pants and nudged them down a bit so I could get to his boxers. He was tense and watching my every move, his fists balled up tightly at his sides. I put the vibe on my finger and slipped him out, turning it on and running it over him gently.

“O-oohhh fuck!” He breathed out in a stutter. He swallowed hard and wiggled his hips, trying to squirm away. “W-why does it f-feel like that?!”

“Feel like what?” I moved my finger over his head, circling the nubs over the circumference. “Does it feel good?”

He hid behind his hand and i heard the smallest whimper come out. I almost squealed at how cute and shy his was being. It was absolutely adorable but i didn’t want to embarrass him even further. I decided to tease him just a bit more, flowing up and down his shaft that was just beginning to grow and all the way down to his balls. I spent minutes working my finger over him until I was able to grip him fully. I adjusted myself in bed, lowering my mouth and letting him past my lips all while keeping up my vibrating strokes. He was nothing but a flurry of curses and squirms but eventually his curses turned into moans and begs to God.

He set his hand on the back of my head rather gently but with enough pressure to keep me steady. I still was only able to get him half way down my throat but made sure to pleasure him in a multitude of ways. I popped off him for a moment to plaster kisses along the underside of his cock, following it with licks and firm pulsating grasps. While he was distracted by that I snuck the vibrator to that ever so sensitive and secretive spot behind his balls. He kicked his legs out, curling his toes and tensing. I couldn't help but giggle. "You okay?" I smirked.

All he could do was nod and edge himself back to my lips, a sign that he wanted me to torture my throat some more. I treated him to harsher sucks and pumps all while rubbing circles into him, letting the vibrations drive him crazy. He was letting out muffled moans beneath his hand and by the way he was throbbing against my tongue I knew that he was close. Pre cum had already coated my taste buds and I waited until the very last second to pull away. It didn't take long for thick spurts to fall against his chest and stomach, overflowing onto my hand and wrist. I backed my head away so I wouldn't get any on my face or hair but god that was the hardest he'd ever cum before. I stared at his now stained shirt in awe, noticing the way his torso shuttered at the overwhelming sensation. He tapped at my hand furiously and I realized that I had the vibe still on him just as another few ropes burst forth. I pulled my hands back completely, my eyes wide and staring in wonder. He finally moved his hand away from his mouth. "Jesus! Fuck! Christ! Shit!"

I jumped a little at his booming voice. "U-um...you good?"

He shoved off his plaid button up and carefully tossed off his cum covered shirt. "Off now!" At first I didn't know what he meant as he was now shoving off the rest of his clothes. It clicked when he grabbed at my shorts and pulled them down around my ankles quickly. 

"J-johnny!" I squeaked and wiped my hand on the bed sheets before he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand fumbled for the silk ties and in a few haphazard knots I was trapped against my headboard. He set the blindfold over me, blocking out everything he was going to do. My heart thundered in my ears as the mystery of it all intensified. Could he really go again?

I felt his hands part my thighs then a heavy long pause. If he hadn't been touching me I would've thought he had left me stranded. But then I felt breath trickling over the beginnings of my wetness. I tensed almost every muscle in my body. The last time he attempted this he had to stop for the anxiety got to be too much. I didn't want him to feel that way again but I knew that talking about it also freaked him out. Without a better plan I silenced myself and felt the first lick. He seemed to be a bit more...eager than before. The licks were quick yet powerful enough to make me feel every electrifying sensation. His big tongue circled around my entrance, diving in ever so slightly before trailing back up. He took my clit between his lips adding gentle sucks and moans to it. I wondered if he would care for any encouragement instead of bombarding him with pleads of telling him that he didn’t have to. “Jo-johnny...keep doing that. It feels good.”

I couldn’t see his reaction but his sucks got just a touch rougher so he seemed to take the criticism well. His hands settled on my thighs, rubbing them slowly as he released my sensitive bundle of nerves and opted for alternating licks. I started relaxing, trying to give off an air of comfort and pleasure. He was trying his best and it made me warm with intense proud feelings. I squirmed my hips just a bit, trying to nudge him in the right direction once he had begun his licks. They were starting to get a little chaotic and I bit down on my lip preparing myself to guide him. “U-um...slow down. You don't have to go so fast.” I said softly.

He stopped quickly. “S-sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. You don't have to be perfect. I’ll help you out. Is that okay?”

“I feel stupid that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don't. I want you to make me cum like this.” I whimpered. “Will you do that for me?”

“F-fuck...u-um...yeah, sure, um…” His licks nudged against me definitely slower, unfortunately a little too slow.

“Think of a middle ground. Just like a medium speed.” He sighed in frustration and I could tell that he was getting pissed that he didn’t seem like the perfect fuckboy sexgod he presented himself as before he met me. But he tried again, getting the hang of the speed I wanted and grazing a particularly sensitive place around my inner lips. I arched a bit and let out a small whimper, squeezing my eyes shut behind the blindfold. “G-good!”

He hummed in understanding, keeping up the motions as I flexed my wrists against the ties. I could easily slip out of them as the knots weren’t that tight but I didn't let him know that. I kind of put together that he needed me to be restrained because of how much his assaulter forced him down but of course if that got him to be a little experimental with ties that was fine by me. He was starting to find that curling his tongue upwards was also a way to get me writhing more and worked those perfect licks into me. "T-that's good too." I sighed softly.

"Should I like...uh...use my fingers?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! Shit, ok ok." His tongue concentrated on the upper part of my sensitivity while he slipped a solitary finger into me. Slowly he moved his fingers in low strokes, curling every so often. He pulled my clit back between his lips just as his finger pushed against my walls just barely an inch inside me. My moan was louder than I expected and scared us both. "Uh, did I do something wrong?!"

"Noooooopppeeeee, nope, nope! Something right! Something right!"

"Oh fuck uh, what was it?! What did I do right?!"

"Just the way you w-eere sucking a-and- where you had your finger. Can you try and do it again? Please?"

"Y-yeah. Um. Shit, fuck." He was between my thighs again perfecting the suction to my nerves but not quite finding the magic spot he had before. I wiggled my hips trying to see if I could manage to help him hit it. Why the fuck was it easier with his dick than his fingers?! Or maybe the full feeling was what got me off instead. Now I was starting to get frustrated. "Eri quit moving or I'm gonna stop!" He whispered harshly.

"S-sorry! It was just that your finger is close! It wasn't that far in! It was just- FUCK!"

"Here?" He pressed into it again and I nodded furiously. "Heh, sweet." I nudged him with my foot, a sign to shut the fuck up and continue. He was learning to get to the right speed of his sucks, even alternating between a little bit fast and slow. He also found out that circling just the tip of his tongue around my clit was gaining him extremely loud mewls. My calves were tensing as my legs shook and I could feel him getting me just a bit closer to cumming. "Should I add another one?" He said after kissing my clit.

"Yes, god, yes." He pushed in a second finger, filling me up more. I arched just a bit and dipped my hips lower making his fingers thrust into me before coming back down to put the attention on that special spot. He seemed to be ok with me rocking my hips and worked to have his fingers meet me as his tongue added cute licks here and there. “A-almost…" I panted.

His free hand was on my hip again, pressing into the dip of my hip bone, adding more and more pressure with all his other motions until I gasped loudly, my walls tense and pulsing around him as my clit throbbed with little shocks of orgasmic bliss. He slowed his fingers until my breathing steadied and he pulled out completely. I felt him crawl up the bed and release my hands and the blindfold. I blinked a few times, readjusting to the light, and saw him hovering above me with a smile on his face. “Was it ok?” He asked, wiping the mess I left on his face away with the back of his hand. 

“Yeah! Bro, you did it! Holy shit! You did the thing!”

“I did the thing!” He chuckled.

I held up my hand and we high fived each other before I wrapped my arms around him tight. “I’m so proud of you, Johnny.”

“Thanks...you know what the best part is?”

I pulled away and looked at him, loving how he was absolutely glowing. “What, baby?”

“I liked it.” He smirked.

“Ooohhhh, you saucy boy. If you want to practice some more then you know i’m definitely okay with being your test subject.”

He flopped down onto the bed and pushed his hair back. “Hah, of course. I know you would. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”

I laid down beside him and gave him a chaste kiss. “Thank you...it means a lot.”

He snaked his arm around my waist and kept me close, not letting me leave just one gentle kiss behind. Instead we were back at our usual heavy makeout session, unable to get enough of each other.

Suddenly there was a banging at my bedroom door. “HEY!” Quinn yelled. “Are you gonna stop fucking and check the food? I don't want it to burn! And i’m hungry!”

Johnny and I sighed and laid on our backs staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking christ...YEAH IM COMING!”

“I KNOW! I HEARD YOU! WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD?!”

Johnny facepalmed and sighed. “Why are they this dumb?”

“Sssshhh,” I hissed. “Listen they may be dumb but they make up for it in being cute. Kinda like you. QUINN, I MEANT I’M COMING TO FINISH THE FOOD!”

“Hey! I’m not dumb!” He nudged me and I slapped at his hand before getting up from the bed. 

“Just stay here,” I pulled on my clothes and fixed my ponytail. “I’ll clean up and then come get you when the food’s done, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. I’mma have a smoke, that cool?”

I waved at him, mostly ignoring him and heading out to the bathroom so I could wash my hands and make myself not so sticky.

--

Stuffing our faces lead to taking a giant nap together on the couch. Somehow the four of us squished into the loveseats in completely uncomfortable positions on top of one another, sleeping off the abundance of food. I was the first to wake up to Johnny grumbling against my neck while his thumb rubbed against my thigh absentmindedly. My neck felt stiff and I pulled away to crack practically every bone in my body. I stretched and shook out the sleep, heading towards the kitchen to get busy putting the food away. I tried to be as quiet as possible but it was a bit difficult moving around pots and pans without making a sound. I was even tiptoeing through the kitchen and almost screamed when I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"Relax." Johnny said groggily. "It's just me." He squeezed me to his big body and kissed at my neck. "Why'd you leave? I like sleeping with you."

"It was starting to get too uncomfortable. The four of us don't fit on that couch. My neck is so stiff."

"Hm? Yeah?" His hands slid up my shoulders and towards my neck and he pressed his thumbs into my vertebrae, working through the knots slowly. I sighed and leaned into his touches, loving every minute of it. "We should go lay down in your bed."

"Ohh no. If we do that now you're going to trap me and either sleep forever or try and fuck me, two things of which I can't do right now. I have to finish putting away this stuff and washing all the dishes by myself." I rolled my eyes.

"Why by yourself?"

"Quinn doesn't like 'touching food' and I don't know, you guys are guests so…"

He grabbed a now empty pot and went over to the sink, turning on the water and dousing it with soap. "I got it. Don't sweat it."

"Well my hero, isn't that a turn on? All I need from you is to take your shirt off." I said playfully.

He smirked as he scrubbed away at the pan. "You want me to?"

I entertained the idea for a moment. "No. No. I don't want anything slutty going on. You stick to washing and I'll stick to being the maid."

"All you're missing is the outfit. You know the one where you bend over and I can see your-"

"Johnathan. Behave." I grabbed a stack of containers and opened the fridge, bending over to play Tetris on the middle and bottom shelves.

"Hmm, those shorts are close enough."

I shot up quickly, covering my butt. "Hush!"

He flicked some suds at me and stuck his tongue out. "not my fault you got a fat ass."

"It isn't even that big!" I gasped and he gave me a 'really?' look. "Listen. Don't start." He landed a wet slap to my ass and I playfully hit his shoulders, giggling a bit and trying to fight back against his suds. He ended up grabbing a hold on me again and covering me in aggressively playful kisses to my cheek.

“Can you two stop being gross and loud for a minute?” We looked up to see a pissed off Jae rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You woke me up.”

“My bad, man. We’re just cleaning up.” Johnny tried hiding his laughter.

Jae rolled his eyes and shuffled to the fridge to get a beer, cracking it open almost instantly. “We gonna party or what? I don't need sad reminders of not being with my family now.”

“Drinking to forget is my specialty, especially drinking to forget family. Pop off, my friend. Where did the liquor go?"

"I out it in the cabinet because you had all this shit on the counter." Jae said. I opened the cabinet and stared up at the whiskey and burbon Jae had put on the top shelf wondering why the absolute fuck he decided that it was a good idea to put it out of reach. I glared at the bottles as if i could make them float down to me.

“Why are you just staring at it?” Jae asked.

Johnny dried off his hands and grabbed the bottles. “Don't you know, Jae, little short demons are always angry at things they cant reach.”

“Oh shut up and get the shot glasses while you're at it too. I’m going to wake up Quinn.” I rolled my eyes and went over to the couch, shaking Quinn gently. “Hey, you up? The guys want to start drinking. I might turn on some music too.”

They rolled over and stretched their limbs, looking up at me. “Oh boy. How long did we sleep for?"

"Few hours? They're gonna bring the liquor over."

They sat up and grabbed onto me, burying their face in my chest. "I just want to cuddle."

I smiled and kissed their temple. "We can cuddle." Johnny plopped down next to me then, setting the bottles and shot glasses on the coffee table. Jae sat on the opposite side, setting up his pipe, blunts, and grinder. Quinn left me the instant he got to work grinding and packing a bowl. So much for cuddling. Johnny leaned over me, squishing me to the back of the couch to reach for a joint. I pouted and got up from the couch, moving away from the three potheads to connect my phone to the Spotify app on my PlayStation. I put on music that was mostly normal so I wouldn't hear any complaints about heavy riffs and screaming and opened the whiskey to pour myself a shot as clouds of smoke wafted around me. 

Johnny nudged me, grunting at me to pour him a shot while he reclined back in the seat and puffed away. I laughed and left him there, going to the kitchen to see if I had any Fireball left. "Thanks!" He called to me sarcastically.

"I'm sure you can figure out how your hands work, Johnathan!" I checked some of my lower cabinets and almost kissed the bottle when I saw that I had managed to stash it away at some point in time. It had just enough for a few shots of my Three Amigos and I was ready to lose myself in cozy brown liquor that altered my reality into something I loved. I set myself down in front of the coffee table, laying out my three shot glasses and pouring my drug of choice into them.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked.

"Partying, duh." I gulped down all three is a matter of seconds and just in time to hear Jaehyun start belting out some Bruno Mars as it come on in my playlist.

Johnny took one look at Jae then back at me. "I love him and he has the voice of an angel but when Bruno comes on he won't stop. I'll have what you're having please."

"Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I'll do it this time." I poured him his shots, urging him to drink them quickly so I could have another round. He took them down much slower, probably just to spite me. He licked his lips and patted his lap, beckoning me to take my place on top of him. "Why should I?"

He pointed at the screen of the tv and we both smirked, knowing exactly what kind of atmosphere the new song created. I poured one last quick shot before going over to straddle his lap. He took a long drag before tilting his head back to exhale. I set my hands on his chest and hummed along to the lyrics before landing soft kisses to his neck. His hand settled on his favorite spot of my ass and groped me hard. "And I'll keep leading you on if you keep leading me into your room." He whispered the lyrics into my ear. I nipped at his neck annoyed at how accurate they were when it came to him. All he did was chuckle and coax his hand up my sides to wrap around my breast. He took another drag and instead exhaled the smoke over my neck and down to the valley between my breasts. I don't know why but the almost impossible to feel smoke wafting over my skin made my body shudder and bend to whatever will he wanted me to. I ground my hips into him then, enticing him to roll against me and create a hellfire friction between us. “Baptise in your thighs till it hurts.” He whispered again, purposefully enticing me with promises of his new found interest in having my cum smeared across his lips.

I felt a slap on my ass then and went to yell at Johnny but we both realized it had come from Quinn. “Hey!” I said.

“Why are you two always wanting to fuck on the couch?!”

“We’re not fucking on the couch! It’s just a song that we like together. “

“Uh-huh, y'all are tryin’ to get freaky.”

“Please don’t. I already saw your tits once.” Jae added as reached for my phone to flip through the rest of my playlist, annoying me as he changed the song.

“Jae.” Johnny said sternly, hating the reminder of when Quinn and Jae had caught us. 

“What? I mean they’re nice just not the ones I want to see.”

I covered my chest, blushing a little at his semi compliment. Quinn interjected before I could say anything else though. “Well I want to see them!”

“Quinn you see them all the time.” I chuckled. “They’re not special.”

“They are to me. Gimme!” They extended their small hands and made grabbing motions like a child.

“Cut it out.” Johnny growled. “You don’t need to touch them, that’s what you have Jae for. Go touch him.”

"Wait, what am I doing?" Jae asked as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

"Touch your girlfriend so she can get off mi-" He cleared his throat. "Get off of Eri I mean."

I rolled my eyes almost believing I could see the back of my skull. "Guys, seriously. Cut it out. I just want to have fun and drink without you two arguing, please."

"The more you drink, the faster the clothes come off." Quinn giggled before she crashed her lips against mine.

I could feel Johnny shift in the seat, ready to launch himself at any moment. His hand was on my hip, trying to pull me back but I felt Jae slap him away, whispering harshly about letting us continue. I was tired of their little battle and decided to keep myself flush against Quinn, feeling the softness of their lips and bitter taste of smoke on her tongue. Their hands immediately disappeared beneath my tank top, caressing over my chest, like they had wanted to, and pinching lightly at my nipple. I let out a soft moan and edged my ass against Johnny, hoping that he would take the queue and not be so hellbent on jealousy and being a stick in the mud. Jaehyun certainly was ready to join as he worked bites and kisses across Quinn's neck.

"Eri." I heard Johnny say sternly. I reached back for his hand and placed it between my thighs which he immediately rejected. I parted from Quinn to catch a moment's breath and looked back at him. 

"C'mere." I pleaded and he narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “Don’t be so pouty. It’s christmas. We’re supposed to have fun together. Mistletoes and all that shit.”

“I’m literally right here and you’re doing this?” He huffed.

‘Baby, it’s no big deal. It’s just Quinn.” I closed my eyes and went back to resume my kiss with my best friend, colliding our lips in gentle waves and small licks. It did feel a bit strange though...Like I had never felt their lips before…

“What the heck?!” Quinn exclaimed.

I opened my eyes and  realized that I had missed my trajectory entirely and had ended up kissing Jae instead. “Oh.” I said.

“Fuck.” Jae finished.

“ERI!!!” Johnny shouted which made me shrink back instantly.

“Ok, listen, I missed! My eyes were closed!! I thought Quinn was closer! Sorry! I didn’t mean too!” I covered my face in embarrassment.

“I’m going to kill all of you.” Johnny growled. “What the hell are y'all doing?!”

“I mean…” Jae shrugged. “We could always...have a foursome?” Now it was our turn to adjust our attention to Jae. “What?” He sounded so casual as if what he suggested was the most logical thing in the world.

“How much did you smoke?! I literally don’t share.” Johnny said flatly. “I never have and never will. Also, what the actual fuck?! You’re my friend!”

“Well i guess we could make it a threesome…” Quinn said softly.

“Jae’s not even attracted to me!” I threw up my hands in frustration.

He shrugged. “You’re not that bad, just not my type. But, like, we could still fuck.”

“Oh my god. This is a clusterfuck if I’ve ever seen one.” I shook my head and poured myself another shot, needing a bunch more alcohol for this sudden proposition.

“No. No threesomes. No nothing.” Johnny said.

“Dude, it wouldn’t be like...that bad. It’s not gay if our dicks don’t touch so there’s that.” Jae added.

I almost snorted mid shot and Quinn laughed. We took one look at each other and laughed even louder. “Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!”

“Well it would be true! Johnny and I don’t have to touch each other!” Jae protested.

“Oh, sorry my hand brushed against your hand, bro. No homo, bro!” Quinn said in a mocking deep voice. “Just gotta make sure my dick doesn’t do the same, bro!”

I laughed harder, clutching at my sides. “Jae, you’re literally so ridiculous! You think that-”

Suddenly I was yanked up from the couch and tossed over Johnny’s shoulder as if he was Tarzan and I was Jane. “Johnny, what the fuck!! Put me down!” I yelled but he ignored me. I banged my fists against his back, helpless against the death grip he had around my waist. He ignored my fighting and instead opened the door to my room. Once we were inside, it was slammed shut and I was tossed onto my bed. I landed harshly and pouted at him. "Where do you get off handling me like that?!"

"What the hell is your problem?" He growled in my face.

"What are you even talking about?"

"You literally make out with Quinn in front of me then kiss my best friend and now you want to have a foursome?!”

“The kiss was an accident! And Jae was the one who suggested it! I just thought...ya know...it might be fun...what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you fucked Taeyong and now you’re throwing yourself at our friends. Fucking quit it Eri.”

“We’re not together! You said it yourself that you didn’t want me to be your girlfriend!”

“Why do you keep bringing that up!?” He yelled.

“Because it’s true! We’re single, Johnny. I can do whatever I want!” I protested.

“Oh like get drunk off your ass and start making out with everyone?”

“First of all, i’m not drunk. Second of all, you’re the one that got high and then became a jealous jerk! Why are you always jealous? Hmm? You act like you own me and can command me and I would do whatever you say? Do you actually even want me, Johnny? Or do you just want to make sure that no one else can have me, like im some fucking piece of property! Is that it?”

“Do I want you?” He scoffed. “Do I fucking want you?” He grabbed onto my shoulder and shoved me face down on my bed, landing a hard thwack against my ass. Did he just...Did he just spank me?

“Johnny! What the hell!?” I questioned. He had never ever done that before. One, two, three, four more blows hit without a single word from him. I could already feel the print his hand left behind on my burning skin. I looked back and could see truly how pissed off he was. His eyes were blackened and I was unable to figure out exactly what was going on in that feral mind of his. All I knew was that he yanked my shorts up to expose more of my ass and decorated the other cheek with the same aggressive touch. I clutched at my bedsheets, letting out strained groans of pain. My teeth sunk into the edge of my mattress as my feet kicked into the air. He kept me firmly bent over the edge of my bed so he could stay within the pace of his relentless attacks. He didn't stop until my ass felt completely raw and as hot as the sun.

I was a whimpering mess then, a few tears had threatened to crawl down my cheeks but most of all I could feel the sticky drenched feeling in my panties. Him taking control and spanking me had me hornier than ever, coupled with the fact that he still had me pissed off meant my body was in a lustful overdrive. All the while I was still fucking confused as to why he was acting like this every time I seemed to give attention to someone else. It was fucking annoying but lord was I too stupid to want him to stop. He yanked my shorts away from my body and pressed himself against my back. "Do you want to fucking piss me off again, Eri?"

I swallowed hard. "Of course I do. If a little jealousy is all it takes to get you to act like you want me then I'll fuck anyone in front of you just to get you mad." None of that was particularly true but the growl he let out had my entire being vibrating with excitement.

"You’re such a fucking brat I swear. Why the fuck do I call you princess when all you do is act like a little shit?" He lifted my hips with one hand while the other dove between my thighs, wasting no time plunging three long fingers inside me. "You're fucking wet from that? Dumbass."

I spread my legs further apart and tried raising my ass against him more. I needed his fingers deeper, stretching me until I was so full. "Fuc-fuck you. You say I'm all talk, you don't do anything but throw t-ta-tantrums!" I moaned as his knuckles curled against me, pushing past my entrance and making sure he was able to stroke my aching walls. I could feel the smoothness of the two rings he wore on his index and middle finger rubbing through his motions and I was almost drooling at the absolute perfect feeling. Give me more, please give me more!

"Tantrum?" His free hand gripped my hair and yanked my head to the side. "Like what you have when you don't get your way? You want to fuck everyone without consequences but when someone calls you out on it, you're suddenly the victim."

"Takes a slut to know a slut! You're not innocent either. You act like a dog, pissing everywhere to mark some territory that no one can cross!" I almost screamed when his teeth sunk into my neck. I felt as if he wanted to tear my jugular open and have my blood splatter against the wall and yet it made me reach between us and grab onto his wrist tight. My voice lowered to a pathetic whisper. "Don't stop, Johnny. Please don't stop."

"Funny how your tone changes when your getting stretched open. You're so needy, Eri."

"C-cum!" Was all I could beg. His fingers had always been pure magic. Tonight was no different and I found myself grinding harder into his palm. He wasn't giving me the satisfaction though. He ripped himself away, making my entrance clench around nothingness and my fist hit the bed in frustration. "Johnny!!" 

I raised my ass and wiggled my hips trying to entice him to give me everything I wanted but he landed a slap to my hips before shoving them away. I flopped onto my side and looked up at him with doe eyes. He carelessly tossed his shirt and pushed my legs wide open, making me lay flat on my back. His hand gripped my neck instantly and I couldn't help the satisfied smile that crossed my lips. I was in full sub mode, alternating between a whiny brat and perfect princess that deserved the world. It was a side I hadn't exactly showed him yet but I guess the Christmas spirit meant I would be getting fucked out of my mind.

"How about I invite Taeyong in to see you like this, hmm? Does he know that you prefer to be choked and crushed beneath someone bigger than you? To be stretched out until you squirt? Or did you just settle for less?"

"S-shut up." I croaked. "You're not that great." My eyes rolled back a bit and I kept my legs wide hoping to get more from him. Instead he commanded me to open my mouth which I happily obliged to. The three fingers that had been inside of me were now down my throat, my inability to breathe intensifying. The rings clattered against my teeth while the tips of his fingers edged at the back of my throat. I was close to gagging but the pressure on my windpipe kept me grounded. I wanted to beg for more, for him to make me an absolute wreck but I could only rub my small hand up and down his forearm and try and sneak the other to my center. I tried to fill myself just to take some of the edge off but his voice made me jump.

"Eri, don't you dare!" I ripped my fingers away and kicked my feet letting him know that I was extremely frustrated. He pressed his fingers onto my tongue and smirked down at me. "I didn't say you could. Isn't this what you want? All that denial and punishment shit? Yeah...I think I'm starting to like this. Nothing's better then fucking you so hard that you forget about that scrawny shit starter."

Make me forget. God, please make me forget. As much as I wanted the torture on my lungs to continue it was starting too become too painful for me to handle. I tapped on his arm and he released his hands, allowing me to breathe. I gulped down air as fast as I could while he slid off the bed momentarily. My eyes stayed glued the hand that worked his belt open. The clanking and zip of fabric sliding against the belt loops rang in my ears as if I was hypnotized by the oddly eroticness of the simple motion. He plucked his button open and unzipped his jeans before shuffling them down his long legs. I propped myself on my elbows to admire the way he looked so perfect and golden even with the winter sun barely peeking through grey clouds.

I reached out for him, wanting to get on my knees so I could look up into his dark eyes. Instead, he was mounting me again, lips chasing mine and his big tongue filling up my mouth easily. I clung onto his shoulders and let him pull my tongue towards his, sucking harshly. My hips pushed towards the center of his boxer briefs and he still punished me with a hard slap to my outer thigh. It seemed like I was never going to get off at this pace. I hoped to all hell he didn't leave me hanging like Yuta or Ten had done in the past. With the way he was acting I didn't think I could handle it. When he jerked his head back to force our kiss to seperate, I begged him to touch me again. It was a pitiful chorus of "Please, Daddy, please" until he beckoned me to adjust myself to get closer to his cock.

He sat back against the wall and I eagerly shifted to crawl between his thighs and take him into my mouth. His fingers dug through my hair and kept my head in place. I had no idea why I craved to have him fill my mouth. It wasn't something I still particularly cared to do and it hurt the last time he tried to fuck my throat raw back at the hotel. But now it was all I could think about- his veins flowing over my taste buds, his precum dripping onto my tongue ever so slightly, the way the head of his cock teased the roof of my mouth. It drew me into even more desperation especially when he praised me with his sinful voice. That voice took me back to the beginnings of my curiosity about him every time. It shed open the desires that lingered since the summer party where we shared our first kiss. That kiss, so swift yet tantalizing; the way he wanted to discard me and play games made me want him even more.

I felt him add the slightest hint of pressure to the back of my skull, trying to get me to take more of him. That was still impossible for me and I tried to wiggle away from the touch. I pulled his hand away and popped off him, planting kisses up his stomach towards his lips. "Did I say you could stop?" He grunted.

I shook my head. "No, but it was too much. You're so big I can't take it." I was sure my statement would inflate his ego but i was trying anything that would coax him into letting me find my release. 

"I'm not done with you. Don't stop until I say so."

He shoved me back down and I was forced to breathe through my nostrils. My hand wrapped around his base and shifted up and down his heated skin, hoping that would satisfy him. I raised my ass higher, knowing how much he loved it. His arm reached down my back and passed my ass to stuff his fingers back into me. I clenched immediately and fucked myself back onto them. My moan vibrated against him and he exhaled softly, cursing under his breath. I purred at the thought of pleasing him so well that he wanted to treat me a bit. He didn't move his hand much, preferring for me to do all the work but it was enough for me to feel surmounting pleasure. I slipped my mouth down to kiss and lick at his balls, rubbing the head of his cock and smearing his pre cum over it. I looked up at him as I switched to licking up the prominent vein.

He smirked. “You want it bad don’t you? You look different, acting different. What gives?”

“I just want you. Please.” I begged.

“Fuck, i like this side of you.” He hooked his hands under my arms and lifted me in one fell swoop, pressing me against the wall this time. He hiked my legs up so my knees could rest on his shoulders, quite literally folding me in half until at least I felt him plunge his hips against me. I couldn't help the way i screamed out curses as the hardness of him and the wall crushed my hips between them. One hand was pressed above me while the other had a death grip on my neck again. Each brutal thrust was accompanied by a rough grunt or growl which drove me to claw at his back and reach for a kiss. I was denied though he kept his lips hovering above mine, his breath tickling the tender skin.

"I wanna cum for you." I said pathetically.

"You can wait. Not in the mood to satisfy your whines."

God this asshole was fucking perfect right now. This was what I had always wanted; for him to crush me, to make me feel small, to mark me as his own, and I loved every single minute that jealousy bought out the animal in him. I squeezed my eyes shut as i could feel my hips bruising and almost splitting apart. My body trembled I tried with all my might to keep up with the position that was destined to destroy me. My heels dug between his shoulder blades as he slammed into the deepest part of me. The little shocks of pain flowed through my lower stomach and down my thighs making my endorphins zip through my brain like a pinball. I was going to that dangerously comforting place of wanting to drown in pain and pleasure, getting punished for all my wrongdoings, and feeling every mark and scar left behind by him. It was affecting him too, he was rougher, meaner, hotter, made for the punishment i was willing to take. The pressure on my neck intensified then lowered into a rhythmic dance, making sure that i wouldn’t lose consciousness but instead suffer through every second of my orgasm denial. His thumb caressed my cheek as he looked down at me, boldly. “What a pretty little mess you are.”

I tried to shove against off so my hips could breathe but his strength was too vast. My nails clawed helplessly at his shoulders but he gripped my wrists and slammed them to the wall. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I swallowed hard as my chest heaved with hungry intakes of air. “M-mhm, y-you’re ruining me…” I panted. “I-it’s too much.”

“Yeah? Do you think Quinn would be gentler? Or do you still want to have that threesome? Maybe I should stop altogether?”

I shook my head violently. “N-no...just p-please-”

“Please what?”

“Let me down…” He smiled and gave me a soft kiss, easing me off the wall and settling me on the bed. I curled up and held onto my hips, feeling the tenderness already blistering in my muscles. Johnny kissed at them gently, much to my surprise. His touches were even softer as he tried to soothe me just a bit. I pet his hair back as he smiled up at me, adding another kiss to my stomach.

“You ok?” He whispered into my skin before laying down behind me. I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed our fingers together, nodding as my only response. “Good.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled into his tenderness until i felt him putting his weight on me again and trapping me between him and the bed this time.

“D-daddy...:” I whimpered.

“You didn’t think I was done with you, did you, princess?” He set himself back on his knees, yanking me up with him. Within a moment’s breath he shoved his way back inside me then pulled my arms behind me, using it as leverage to have me fuck myself back against him. I squeezed my eyes shut and could barely make out any senses. It was overwhelming and violent and erotic in every sense of the words. My head was swimming in a vat of prey filled thoughts, dissolving into the perfect definition of his fuck toy. I kept my head pressed into the mattress as I felt my body starting to crumble. His knees were nudging mine apart, making sure that each time he dove within me I could feel the violation stretching me apart. He knew that the heated friction between us was wedging me deeper into submission but it wasn’t enough to take me over the edge. He lowered his chest flush against my back and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I want you to make a mess for me, just like last time.”

My cheeks flowered with embarrassment as I knew exactly what he meant. I shook my head and hid my face, trying to deny him as if he would actually listen to me. I attempted to even squeeze my thighs shut but he made sure that his much stronger legs prevented that. He let go off my arms which allowed me to reach out and try and steady myself on the small footboard. As he dug three fingers into me, my nails dug into the wood carving out representations of my screams. I could barely clamp around him with how full he made me and I was almost numb to the feeling. He was bombarding me with cocky statements, reminiscent of how much i used to hate him talking when we first met. I wanted him to shut the fuck up but as much as “Cum for Daddy” made me want to projectile vomit, just a teeeeeny part of me enjoyed it. 

“If you want me to cum,” I said through grit teeth. “Then let me do it instead of just talking about it, asshole.”

He nudged his fingers in to the hilt, pressing his fingertips into me as his kept up with his thrusts. All I could do was bury my moans into the mattress and try to keep some stability by gripping the footboard. He curled his fingers deeper, forcing the head of his cock upwards when he thrusted. His free hand clamped over my mouth as I screamed beneath his palm at the jarring movement. That last push against my walls fulfilled his wish of seeing my resolve fade away and splash across my bed sheets. His fingers slipped out of me so he could wrap his arm around my waist, knowing that I would collapse instantly. He held me up and placed kisses across my shoulders and down my spine, whispering praises and calling me a good princess. My entire body flushed with fever at those two words. I was a good a princess. I leaned my head back and nuzzled my face into his neck, smiling like the lovestruck idiot that I was. He gave me a swift kiss before planting me on my back and working to chase his own high. I let my legs fall to the wayside as he pumped himself into me, kisses and bites raining down on every inch of skin he could get to.

I guided his face towards my own, crashing our lips together in a storm of passion. He burrowed his fingers in my hair, pulling my ponytail free and crushing me to him. I worked my hands down his back to grab his ass, keeping two firm handfuls to help push him deeper. It spurred him on further, crashing the head of his cock into my cervix as he was hell bent on destroying me. I pressed my lips tightly together, swallowing back every ounce of what I really wanted to scream into the world. His hand fumbled to grab the footboard and when he found his stability the sounds of our bodies collided sounded like thunderclaps in a rainstorm. Harsh. Fast. Angry. Passionate. It was all starting to meld as we flowed together, an ellipse of never ending chaos. I managed to sink my teeth into his shoulder as he squeezed out the last of his feral thrusts. He released himself at the very last possible second and i felt his warmth spread over my stomach and lower lips, a few ropes splashing onto my thighs. He slipped his cock through our mixed cum, riding up along my lips and rubbing the tip against my clit. I shuddered and tried to curl up away from him, thinking that he was trying to torture me some more, but all of his warmth disappeared in an instant. My mind was still all kinds of fuzzy, and my vision blurry, but I could see him pulling away from me and yanking my small trash can towards his face. The sound of vomit came next and I reached out to try and comfort him, at least it felt like I did. My body was so heavy and all i wanted was him near me; i wanted his warmth and love and now that was nearly impossible with him feeling sick. My world was still reeling a bit and i swore I called out to him. He just wiped his mouth and stood up, not looking at me as he left the room. I knew the rationale behind it and I knew that he wouldnt leave me like this for no reason but the current headspace i was in distorted my reality to make me feel like i was something useless and to be thrown away. At the end of the day, when the endorphins and adrenaline wore off, I was still a decaying mess.

--

Johnny’s POV

I was pretty sure all the weed, alcohol, food and heavy workout made my stomach a complete mess. Everything was fine until after I came and my body started to settle. I was all for covering Eri in kisses and making sure they were okay until the urge to blow chunks slammed into me. The first wave dumped into the trash can thankfully and i had a few moments in between to run to the bathroom to get rid of the rest. I felt like utter shit. Instead of laying down with Eri, i just put on some sweatpants and ignored their pleads for me to cuddle them. Vomiting that much made me feel not so hot and I wasn’t in the mood to be clung to. I was still sweaty and needed some space to breathe for a minute. I told them that I didn’t want to stay in bed and forced them to stay tucked in so they wouldn’t come after me. It wasn’t usual for them to be this clingy and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. I left after their whining got to me and went to the couch. It felt a little better sleeping in the cooler living room though I still couldn’t really get a solid night’s sleep. Hours passed, with me waking up every so often and making a cup of coffee. Jae and Quinn were holed up in their room for most of the day but came out somewhere around mid afternoon. Things were pretty quiet and we started heating up some leftovers. Every so often I would look back at Eri’s bedroom door, expecting them to poke their head out at any moment but nothing. More time passed and once it hit almost evening I was starting to get a bit worried and decided to check on them. I crept into the room quietly and looked at the lump beneath the blankets. “Eri?” I shook them gently but got no reaction. “Eri?” I said a little louder. “You ok?”

Still nothing. If i didn’t see them breathing beneath the fabric I would’ve thought they were dead. I even tried enticing them with promises of leftovers but even that didn’t seem to shake them. I had no idea what else to do and wondered if Quinn knew if this was normal. I went over to my mostly annoying enemy, even though I was still irritated with her and Jae’s antics, and pulled her to Eri’s room. "I need your help!" She didn't have a moment to protest and we left Jae standing in the kitchen in utter confusion. I closed the door behind us tight. 

"What the hell do you want? What did you do?" She growled.

"Look, I don't know but I've been up for hours and Eri has barely moved."

"Well…from the way the bed was slamming into the wall I can make a few gross assumptions. I don't really care to hear about what you've done with my best friend's vagina, thank you."

"It's not just that! They haven't moved or woken up for anything! It's like they're comatose."

"Johnny, if you hurt them again you're going to have to breathe through a straw for the rest of your life. What did you do?"

"I don't know!" I said, exasperated. "If I knew would you think I would voluntarily talk to a fucking gremlin like you?"

She narrowed her eyes and shoved me out of the way. "Yeah and I wouldn't have voluntarily talked to a stupid ogre." She went to Eri's side and moved their disheveled ponytail out of the way. "Are you some sort of fucking vampire?! What the hell are you doing leaving a hickey this big?! Did you want to rip their throat out?!"

"I was caught up in the moment, ok?! That's not the point right now. Why won't they move?"

"You know, I should just become a nurse at the rate you're literally causing destruction to Eri's mental and physical wellness."

"Quinn!"

She shook Eri gently and tried rolling them over but it was still no use. "Maybe they just need to drink some water? With all the food they ate the alcohol shouldn't have taken them out too much. They weren't drunk when you dragged them in here to fuck like a disgusting caveman. We were up late yesterday so maybe they're just tired still?"

"No, it doesn't feel like just tiredness to me. Something's up." I sighed. "I just don't know what. That's why I'm worried."

"Well they were fine before you decided to be gross so clearly it's something you did. What was out of the ordinary? Not that I really want to hear it but, go ahead."

"Wait...like tell you what we did?" I blinked at her in disbelief. "Like...in detail?"

"Spare me as much fucking detail. Give me the gist of it."

I cleared my throat and shuffled my weight on either foot. "I mean… um…I…" I lowered my voice a bit, struck with a tsunami of embarrassment. "S-spanking, choking, fingering, they sucked me off...uh then we you know like... put the thing in the thing…a lot."

Quinn ran her hand over her face and sighed deeply. "Put the thing in the thing...Jesus Christ. Ok, but anything special about it?"

"No it was like against the wall, doggy style, usual stuff."

"Was it like...extra kinky?" She cringed.

I shrugged. "I mean...to me it felt like it was. I don't know about Eri. You know they're more experienced at that stuff than I am. They probably thought it was like normal sex. Though at the end I got sick and they got really clingy?? That was a bit weird, I guess."

"Clingy? How clingy?"

"Like they wanted to hug and cuddle and wouldn't let me go. I was tired and sweaty and just finished puking so I just kinda...pushed them away and went to the living room to sleep."

"So let me get this straight, you spank, choke, and bite the shit out of my best friend then you cum and push them away when they wanted to cuddle?"

I winced. "You make it sound really worse than I wanted it to."

"WELL GEE JOHNNY, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT IS! God, why are you such a fucking tool!? You were super gross and jealous the entirety of the party and now you've gone and made Eri feel like shit. That's probably why they don't want to be around you or wake up! If you were still next to me when I woke up after being that much of a dick I'd pretend to be in a coma too!"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit! I was sick, okay! I didn’t want to have them on top of me. I was sweating and-"

"You could’ve at least been a little bit more sensitive to the situation!”

"I came to you for help! Not for you to- SHIT!" I jumped back as I saw something whizz by in front of my face. It crashed against the wall and I realized it was a candle, the glass now shattered and chunks of wax between Quinn and I's feet. We both turned to look at Eri who looked like Satan himself had risen to wreak havoc on the earth.

"SHUT. UP."  Was all they yelled before pulling the covers over their head and flopping back down onto the bed.

I stepped back slowly from the glass and beckoned Quinn to cross over. They tiptoed over the pieces and joined me. "Ok, so...yeah something might be off. They just got their meds changed so mayyyybeee that’s it? Though it’s still normal for them to be that violent. I mean, what else is new. But they’ve never thrown anything at me butttt interrupting their sleep is big bad..." She jumped up suddenly within her tirade of thoughts. "Oh!oh!oh! Maybe it's that thing!"

"Yes, because that's helpful." I rolled my eyes. "What thing?

"The um...ugh it's a kinky thing and I can't remember what it's called!"

"Their seething rage is a kink thing? It's not sexy! It's scary!" 

"Noooo! Not the anger! The not feeling so good part. I know it's a thing I just can't remember. Ugh, we’re gonna have to ask Yuta or Ten." They said.

"I'm pretty sure Eri wouldn't want the two people that hurt them anywhere near them right now and neither would I. Besides, I think they're in Thailand for the holidays."

"Fuck. I don't want their help either but they're the only people beside Eri that know about kink stuff. If something happened that they can help with then we need them."

"Why do you keep saying it's like a kink thing. I don't get it??"

“I don’t know how to explain it! Eri told me about it once because it happened with them and Ten and it scared them. I'm gonna call Yuta real quick, see if he answers."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, whatever. Go do that. I don't want to even hear him." Quinn exited the room and I went over to Eri tentatively. "Hey, how about we don't throw candles and instead talk like a human being."

"How about we don't act like assholes and desert people." They kept the blanket over their head and hunkered down even more.

"Desert? What are you talking about? I didn't desert you. Eri?" They stayed quiet leaving me even more confused. "Uh, can you talk to me??"

"I don't want to fucking talk. Leave me alone."

"Ok but like I kinda need to know why you think I deserted you??? Like what the fuck, dude."

"It's the droppy thing!" Quinn said, shoving the door open again. I whipped my head towards her, getting absolutely nowhere between the two of them. She beckoned me towards her and I left Eri to sulk or do whatever the fuck it was that they were doing. We shut the door softly and I could see a sleepy Yuta on Quinn's screen. "Can you explain it to Johnny?"

Yuta rubbed his eyes and yawned. "I fucking guess. I'll make it simple- chemicals in your brain get released like crazy, pain responders, adrenaline, stuff like that. When the whole thing is over those chemicals are worn out and you have to rebuild them in your system. Which means if something happens too fast, the body struggles to rebuild them on such a high demand. It can take up to a few hours, days, or weeks depending on the person." He yawned. "So anyway, you get physical symptoms like excessive tiredness, heightened pain, etcetera and you also get your emotions thrown out of whack, so more sad, depressed, angry, feeling unloved. All that. Can I sleep now?"

"No, no, no! What do I do? How do I fix it?!" I grabbed Quinn's phone, shaking it as if Yuta could feel my annoyance.

"Well, first of all, stop trying to be something you're not. You're not a Dom if you're not gonna learn about the shit surrounding it. Two, you literally have to take care of her. Act like the loving, sweet, caring, devoted boyfriend she deserves but will never have. Can I go to sleep now?" He repeated.

"Yeah, fine! Asshole!" I gave Quinn back her phone and crossed my arms over my chest angrily. What the fuck did he mean by that? I could be caring if I wanted to...I think I'm a decent guy… wait. Feeling unloved? Was that what Eri meant when they said I deserted them? I was vomiting! I'm sure that vomiting doesn't count as deserting someone!

"So, guess you have to clean up your mess." Quinn snipped.

"I just don't get how me being sick makes this my fault."

"Maybe it was more so of not being by their side when they wanted you to be. You said they were getting clingy?"

"Yeah, and I was sweating and gross and...this is why I don't do relationships. I don't do clingy." I said bitterly.

"Good thing you're not dating Eri either because I would hate for her to be with someone so heartless. Fix your fucking mess, Johnny."

"I don't even know what to do!"

"Figure it out then and fast."

I rolled my eyes and wanted to slam my head into the wall. Great. Just great. I tiptoed back into the room, hoping that another candle wouldn't come flying out. Eri was sitting up now, looking grumpier than ever. I cleared my throat and almost took a step back when their eyes snapped up to meet mine. "H-h-heyyy…..cutie.” I tried to sound as “loving” as possibly given my state of fear. “H-how ya feeling?”

They didn’t answer.

“You wanna uh ...cuddle? Or something?”

They still ignored me, instead opting to try and get out of bed. They gripped onto the headboard post for support and grunted through the process and I realized they were in more pain than I thought. I rushed over and held onto their waist. “Hey, babe, take it easy. You’re hurt?”

“Of course I’m hurt.” They said finally. “You have a vendetta against my cervix. My hips too, apparently.”

I looked at the deep brown bruises on the sides of their hips and winced. Good job, idiot. “I’m sorry. I thought it was really hot at the time and we were enjoying it and-”

“Just shut up. I’m going to shower.” They limped over to grab their towel from the hook on the back of the door but I stayed on their tail, making sure that they weren’t going to collapse. 

“What if I make you a bubble bath? That might be better for your muscles. I can try and do that.”

They sighed and nodded after a moment’s pause. “Fine. That sounds good.”

“Ok...ok, cool. Come on.” I set my arm around them and guided them towards the bathroom, trying to sneak out without Quinn and Jae really noticing. I’m sure it failed but i had more important things on my mind. I sat Eri down on the toilet while I got to work on filling the tub and dumping in all the great things they had used for my bubble bath. When it was finally ready they retied their hair and I helped them sink down slowly into the sea of bubbles. I sat with my back against the tub, arms propped on my knees and completely silent as they soaked. It was tense and a bit awkward but if this helped them not feel like crap because of whatever head chemical thingies that were going on then I would wait.

“I’m sorry…”

I turned to face them, puzzled by their sudden apology. “For?”

“I should’ve told you about the subdrop thing. The, um,...you know the reason why I’m probably feeling crappy. It’s only happened like once before so I didn’t really register it. I just wanted to sleep all day.”

“Yeah, Quinn called Yuta to have him explain. They suspected that might have been it. Though I'm still not 100% sure was it actually is.”

“It’s really my fault. We aren’t really in that kind of relationship. We were just having a rough fuck you know? It really shouldn’t have hit me that hard. I’m also sorry I threw the candle.”

I leaned my head back and looked at them. “Definitely could have done without that, for sure.”

They set their arms on the edge of the tub and kissed me. “I know...my head’s still weird...Maybe we should cool it on the jealousy thing a bit?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous.” I lied. 

“Johnny...you have a problem with jealousy and I don’t really understand it. Why are you jealous of everyone else I’m with?”

“I’m not! It just pissed me off! It’s not jealousy when you’re literally mid makeout sesh and your gir- your like...makeout person or whatever decides to just kiss someone else and try and get wrapped in a foursome!”

“Then why did you mention Taeyong?”

“What?” I asked.

“Taeyong. When you were about to shove your fingers in my mouth. You said that you should get Taeyong to see me like that and that I settled for less with him.”

Oh. Right. “I don’t remember.” I averted my eyes and shrugged. 

“Well you said that so...that’s why i’m saying cool it with the jealousy when there's nothing to be jealous of, you know?”

“Again, i’m not jealous. Maybe you should cool it with being an asshole and just dumping me to go mess around with someone else.”

I felt their arms around me then, droplets of water pressed between my back and their chest as they held onto me. “Ok, I’ll promise I’ll try. I know it wasn’t really right of me to go off with Josue and Quinn and I are always just messing around. You know they like Jae a lot. It’s just for fun but i’ll try and be a good princess for you.” They sighed. “No...wait. We shouldn’t actually do the daddy thing either if it’s just going to get us into more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Eri, you both know we like it, no matter how cringy it can get. It takes our fucking to the next level. So why don't you also stop thinking that I don’t want to learn anything and just teach me how to be your top controller person. We can do it on a basic level, no?”

“Dom, Johnny. Dom. Not top controller.” They giggled.

“What the fuck ever. That.” I took their hand and pressed it to my lips. “You know I didn’t mean to desert you or anything. I felt really sick after I came. I think all the movement and the food and drugs and shit just caught up to me and i puked a lot. I wasn’t feeling too great and got really hot and sweaty. It’s not that I didn’t want to be by you or be in bed with you, it was just that I physically couldn’t be. I felt like shit. Still kind of do. I haven't eaten much today either.”

“I know…" They sighed and nudged their chin to rest on my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.  Heard you puking before I started to fall asleep but I was already spacey. But I will say this…"

"What?" I reached my arm back to scratch at their head gently.

"Though I'm in pain and feel like shit, if you fuck me like that again, you better make me yours." Just as my cheeks flared up they grabbed a hold of my arms and tried to drag me into the tub.

"Ahh! Fuck! Eri!" I managed to get my ass up on the edge of the tub and kick off my sweats before crashing into the water with them. Water went splashing everywhere and they got dunked beneath me. I helped them up and they wiped the suds off their face, sending us both into a fit of laughter. "You're so dumb, I swear."

"You're even worse." They wrapped their limbs around me, keeping me flush against them. "Do you feel better?"

"I will once you do. I don't want you to feel like shit because of me."

"I'll get there." They said and gave me another kissed. "It just takes a bit to shake off. I'll be okay."

"You better. Asshole." I chuckled and cupped her face in my hand. "And you better eat when we get out."

They rolled their eyes and sighed. "Yes, daddy." 

"Don't be such a shit, I mean it, ok?" I said sternly.

"I know. You can heat it up for me while I stay in bed all cozy under the blankets. And you can bring me something to drink to."

I glared at them. "Excuse me. What am I, your maid?" 

"No, but you can be a nice daddy and do that for me. Since you want to learn so much."

I sighed and set my head on their chest, avoiding that shit eating grin. What the fuck did I get myself into?

--

We stayed in the tub for a bit, getting way too caught up in making out ad grinding though I should have been letting them rest. I really needed to stop thinking with my dick all the time and actually focus on being good for them. I managed to stop before they tried to ride me and distract me with possibly hours of more fucking. Somehow it was easier to get them to listen this time and i helped us both out the tub and got them wrapped in their towel. I had to clean up the mess and dry the tiles before anyone would slip on them. Our clothes got soaked with the splash which was another thing i had to tend to. “Hey, go to the room. I gotta clean this shit up before Quinn chews me out.”

They shuffled a bit anxiously and looked up at me with a puppy dog stare, their sudden soft center of duality most likely the leftover results from this drop thing. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m done okay?” I kissed their forehead and curled my finger around a now springy curl of hair.

“Ok, ok. Just...hurry up.” they said softly.

I nodded and urged them out of the room, hoping that they would be able to sit still for a minute. I found a spare towel to wrap around my waist and unplugged the drain in the tub. I went out to the kitchen after, getting Quinn to find the mop for me so could start drying the floor. As I was passing by Eri’s room again, I heard them talking. I poked my head in and listened, realizing they were on the phone.

“No, no, no. You ca’t have New Years Resurrection with out a little Halloween fun! We have to do IT is the End! That’s my favorite and you know it.” They paused. “Ok, but what about Stabbing in the Dark? Ugh, Andre! Come on. Let me pick something! We already came to a consensus on Closer, Porn Star Dancing, I’m not Okay, and Party Hard for the finale. We only have a half hour set and we’re closing out the show. It has to be good!”

Wait, where they playing a show soon? Why didn’t they tell me anything?

“Ok, fine you pick two songs that you can lead on and I’ll do the two Ice Nine Kills song and then we’ll be gucci. Or maybe I’ll do some Motionless... THE POINT IS i will talk to you tomorrow at practice and then we’ll finalize everything. I’m not feeling so hot right now and I need to eat....no i’m not with my boyfriend...He is not my boyfriend, okay? Andre i swear to god.”

I stepped into the room, trying to be quiet but they noticed me instantly. “Anyway gotta go. Tell your mama to save me some cornbread. Okay bye.” They hung up quickly and tossed their phone onto the bed. “Hey.”

“Uh...hey. Who were you talking to ?” I asked.

“Oh, that...uh...Andre. Um...he’s in my band. Our band. It’s our band together.”

“You guys playing a show soon?”

Eri’s eyes went wide and they immediately dodged my attention. “A what? Oh noooo, heh, nope. Just...a...”

“What’s New Years Resurrection?”

“Nothing! It’s totally nothing!”

“Why are you being so secretive?” I stepped a bit closer to them, leaving the mop in the doorway.

“Me? I’m not being secretive! It’s nothing I swear!”

“Then why did it sound like you were trying to make a setlist for a show that you’re closing out, presumably on New Years Eve, hmm?? You know closing out a show is like a big deal, right?” I nudged their arm playfully. “So you mind telling me why you haven’t told me about this before?”

They pouted. “I’m not telling you anything. Now or never. There’s no show. So stop being so nosey okay?”

“Eri, is there a reason you don’t want me to go?”

“No one is going! Just hush!”

“Eriiiiiiiiii.” I taunted. “I’m going to your show.”

“NOOOOOOO! Johnny, you don’t understand! I never invite people to come see me!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” They squeaked. “I get way too nervous and embarrassed and I act totally different on stage than i do normally and i’ll just freak out the whole time, ok?!”

“I actually want to see you play. You know I do.” I set my arm around their shoulder and pulled them to my chest. “Besides, it cant be that bad, can it?”

[clusterfullofblueberries]

I Just Realized That I Learned How To Draw Within This Decade

Like? Not because I had a school project to do or assignment like that, no! I just remember coming home everyday after school when I was a kid and drawing nonstop. Most of the stuff I made was Dragon Ball related because? Way back when I was little (9 maybe?), I went and watched Dragon Ball Z Kai on nicktoons. For some of you that don’t know DBZ or KAI because you are newer peeps that are into things like Transformers, Invader Zim, and an assortment of others that I have not posted work for in a while. You all have zero idea on what I’m talking about. 

Just know that DBZ Kai was an anime that aired on nicktoons that was a quick paced version of DBZ with more fluent voice acting and stronger lead ins to fighting sequences and good vs. evil crud. 

BUT I DIDN’T WATCH IT FOR JUST THAT!!!!

I watched it because the style was so bright and interesting to me. How these characters looked? The settings it took place, just all of it was so fucking cool to me and I wanted to draw in that style for the longest time. But when I tried to mimic that style it looked so god awful. No joke all of the artwork I had first made during that time was so bad. And yet for some reason? I didn’t stop drawing. 

I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to work to get that look that I saw every Saturday afternoon. Every year my style would get better, but I still wanted to do more. And no. Not a single damn day in my life did I ever think to take a class to improve my work. Why? 

For one, I was a baby and didn’t like class too much. Plus, I already had the drive and motivation to push me to make more, and this was something my parents noticed real quickly and bought me stuff to draw on. And by age 10 I had barely gotten the internet and by god was there a treasure trove for me to explore and possibly fuck me over in the near future but? I seem pretty alright all things considering. Minus the smut I saw much later on  > > that-... That’s for another time. BESIDES THAT THOUGH! 

Lil ol’ me was so in love with DBZ KAI because it was so beautiful and different than what I normally watched. It was so expressive and exciting. But what some people don’t know about me is that both DBZ KAI and Transformers were within my decade that I worked to draw. 

I drew TF stuff mid 6th grade and this was the time I caught up to Prime as I already watched TFA on Cartoon Network and now the Hub. But like? I was already in the year that the series was ending in Prime and cried. But!! That didn’t stop me from watching the shit out of them. 

Though I fell out of the loop for a while, I jumped back sophomore year in high school and i’m still doing it! Still drawing TF because I have the same amount of love for it as I do for KAI. I’m typing this real fast and their might be some errors in my writing, yet it just amazes me.

I have come from such a long way. Not even once did I ever feel like I was scared of drawing things, but I think when 2016 to 2019 hit everything stressed me out. I gained friends, I lost them. I’ve even despised a few now because of what they did to me as well as themselves. 

Just in all, I wasn’t too hot on things and often felt like dying because I really didn’t know how to handle this sudden rush of pressure filling my space. 

Everyday I felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t escape it. Like at any moment I would sink to the bottom of the ocean and decompose into nothing but food for sea animals.

There really is no other obvious way to put it that my teenage years really fucked me over and made me want to talk to as little people as possible. I can say that sort of mentality hasn’t changed much because I still am a teenager and want people to like me. Hell even love me. Don’t know what the plan is for me in the future other than to live and keep my passions in life strong.

I want to improve and work on things. I want to learn because having knowledge is good and vital to every living person, but if I could educate others on what I know? And what this world has to offer. That makes life so much better and in some cases more manageable. 

When looking at it from a certain philosophical perspective. We are like living books that do have an expiration date. Eventually we die. All parts of ourselves die and go into the unknown. But when sharing ideas or memories to others? Our memories live on and take on different interpretations for our newer guests to view and ponder upon. 

Look. I’ve been talking nonsense for the longest, but at least you know a little more about myself? Least a little bit. And know I love the hell out of DBZ and Transformers respectively and don’t plan on leaving this Earth just yet. 

I have to live past these stupid boomers that fucked us over. I live for myself and for as long as I am breathing I will continue to smile and better my way of thinking.

[andrina-the-amazingsupergenius]

When in Blackpool, the Las Vegas of England || Rowdy and Randy

Summary: Andrina gets the best idea for a joke she’s ever had. 

@n0ttinghamshad0w

ANDRINA   Andrina was in Blackpool, bitches!    How did she get here? She didn’t know. It was one of those Andy-spirals that started off as a joke, then turned into a dare, then turned into a promise, then turned into a swear. She’d just been closing up shoppe in Whosits and Whatsits, checking on their stash. She’d just put on some music– Highway to Hell by AC/DC. She just pretended to play air guitar, just fell into Rob’s arms, just made out with him a little on top of Attina’s desk, when the words road trip fell out of her lips.    Wouldn’t it be so funny? she’d said. And maybe Rob said something about there being a couple of buyers who might be interested in Cruella’s finest. And couldn’t they be there, and back again, before anyone knew it?    And no she wasn’t drunk, when she started the trip, coasting along in the Whosits van.     And she wasn’t drunk when they got to Blackpool either, after midnight, and found the downtown alive and throbbing, bleeding light like a wound.    And she wasn’t drunk when she had sex with Rob in the loo of an old arcade, after completely kicking his arse at Pacman, his hair in one of her hands, her raffle tickets in the other.    She was, actually, just polishing off a cocktail when they started playing Blackjack. She was, maybe, getting a little tipsy, and a little handsy, as she watched Rob count cards and get away with it.    By the time they left, it was 3 in the morning and they were a few hundred quid richer. Andrina’s fingers were caressing the nape of Rob’s neck and she was thinking about fucking him again.   That’s when the sweet voice of Freddie Mercury caught her pinball eyes. She turned her head to the sweet rock music of Don’t Stop Me Now, and out of nowhere, Andy started laughing.    “Hey, you know what would be so funny?” Andy said, sliding her hand down Rob’s spine. She sipped at the vanilla milkshake she’d just bought cheap outta a McDonalds, and her eyes glinted when she met Rob’s own. “If we got married here.”  

ROB   This was the closest he’d been to home in ‘bout two years now.   ‘Course they weren’t even that close, mind you. ‘Course Rob wasn’t supposed to be thinkin’ of Nottingham as home. ‘Course Rob was supposed to have left Swynlake soon as the Davis job was over, find Tuck and Martin and Jo once again.    Funny how plans change.   Here he was now, pockets full of money he’d won and he’d whispered in Andrina’s ear that maybe they should consider a career in gamblin’ instead — she’d make a mad good poker pro, if he had to guess. Briefly, he entertained travelin’ the world, goin’ to casinos in Monaco and Las Vegas, places glitzier and more glamorous than lil’ Blackpool — his head spinnin’ with possibilities, with thoughts of suave suits and sparkly dresses and then Andrina spoke.   He let out a laugh. That was the furthest thing from what he was thinkin’ right now really and so amused was he that he near scooped her up and planted a kiss right on her mouth.   “Imagine the two of us gettin’ married at all,” he said, leanin’ over to take a sip of her milkshake. And ‘cuz it was a dumb joke by Andrina, he went along with it, of course, ‘cuz that’s what the two of ‘em did. It was sorta like a game. Well it was really a game — sometimes against one another, sometimes on the same team. The only rule, really, was that they had fun. And Rob did like havin’ fun.    “Here’s how it’ll go,” he said with a grin. “I’ll knock the rings off a vacationin’ couples hand — a rich one, mind you, only the best for my betrothed. And you’ll sweet talk a dress from a shop clerk who’s sweet on you, not even a dress maybe just a veil or somethin’. And we’d have to get married by that bloke over there — “ Rob pointed at the Freddie Mercury impersonator. “‘Cuz it’s not real love unless it’s sung by Freddie, you know.” 

  ANDRINA She loved this game.    Andrina actually loved a lot of things. She once thought that wasn’t the case-- that she was sort of a heartless monster (lol) and the love gene had skipped her. But since she’d started stealing things, Andrina realized that her love gene was just different. Maybe she didn’t have one or two hobbies-- maybe she had a whole bucket-full, and that was okay. Maybe she didn’t want to go on dates or get a boyfriend and maybe she really was going to be Wine Aunt. But that wasn’t failure. She wasn’t heartless.   Andrina loved nights that ended in a completely different place than they began. She loved the chaos of her room, its pieces always spread out like she was a magpie with her nest in constant creation. She hated working the counter at Whosits, but she loved sorting through the boxes of donations. She loved playing dress-up; she loved sex in public places; she loved getting in the Andrina-Zone between the hours of midnight and 4 in the morning, where the world was quiet and it zeroed in to whatever weirdo project she was working on. Those hours were Andrina at her most exhilarated, creative, blissed out. She stumbled into bed exhausted and happy as if she’d had the best sex in her life, though Andrina would tell you it was always better than sex.   She didn’t understand the thrill her sisters got from crushing on this or that person or the dreams they had about husbands, wives, kids-- even empires. But she knew what it meant to love. She didn’t think she loved Rob, but she loved the type of life he gave her. She loved that he never pushed her into stupid boxes. She loved every night like this one.   It was between the hours of midnight and 4. The Andrina-Zone. Her favourite hours.    So maybe that’s what made that particular, stupid box appeal on that night. Because it wasn’t just a box, it was a story. Rob told it so well, Andrina’s heart was suddenly pounding, she wanted to know more.    “Ooooo, the height of romance-- why, I do declare, Mr. Gardner, if I won’t just marry you right on the spot.” Andrina affected her voice into the buttery accent of a Hollywood movie star. She cooed. “I want a rock as big as the moon, Mr. Gardner! Will you steal me the moon?” She batted her eyelashes at him.    She giggled but then her eyes flashed and she was Andrina again. “I dare you. Hey, whoever gets back to the chapel first wins a prize!” 

  ROB   The game was on.   Rob tugged Andrina’s hand to his lips, pressing a fresh milkshake sticky kiss to the back of her hand, and then dropped it, giving a two-fingered salute as he backed away.   “Prize to be determined by winner — starting now!”   And off he dashed.   Sometimes, if he really wanted to get thinkin’ about things, Rob realized he was turnin’ 30 this year, which never seemed like an age he’d even get to, really. He figured he’d be caught by then, figured that like many of the blokes he’d grown up with, he’d be lost to drugs or to the cops ‘cuz of somethin’ else. But he was lucky — he was lucky and hey, he dinnit know the makeup of his DNA, but he looked enough like everyone else to get by. And he was very good at what he did and so here he was, almost 30, older than he thought he’d ever turn and still just as wild as he was at 18.   Well, he was more careful now. Dinnit draw attention to himself. Dinnit get into fights.   Instead, he slipped into crowded casinos and bars and he looked for couples sloshed outta their minds. Rings were tricky little buggers. Try a wrong hand, with someone whose ring was just tight enough, and you were easily caught. Rob waited a lil by the bar, orderin’ a drink and keepin’ an eye out for easy marks.   For the bloke — he spotted an older fella, sittin’ with a girl who had to be at least half his age. On his left hand, a wedding band. Rob kept his eye trained on this fella, ‘cuz he knew at one point this man’d slip his ring into his pocket, feelin’ too guilty about flirting with the pretty young bird with the reminder of a wife at home.   This happened quicker than Rob anticipated, which dinnit make him feel at all bad, as he brushed past and slipped his hand in the man’s jacket pocket and secured the gold ring.    It was more varied with stealin’ a women’s ring. He could check the loo, see if anyone forget their ring as they washed their hands. He could hope that there was a gal who had a similar mindset as that old bloke. But really, the  best bet in a place like this was to find a bird who was too skinny, too jittery, wearing fancy clothes and with pristine skin — someone drunk enough to say yes to a dance and not notice if in grabbin’ her hand, Rob slipped off her ring.   He spotted a bird like that, and just his luck, it was someone at a Hen party — not the bride, but another gal and everyone at Hen parties, ‘specially Hen parties thrown by rich women, wanted to dance with fit scrappy blokes. The girl in question was blonde and had massive fake tits and plump fake lips and before Rob asked her to dance, he heard her talking loudly to her friends about sendin’ back her meals last night at dinner and how she had to fire her last chauffeur for takin’ time off to see his newborn baby.   So yeah, he dinnit feel bad as he snagged the large diamond off her ring finger. She was so distracted by the fact he was whisperin’ some dumb sexy thing into her ear that she barely noticed.    Rings secured, Rob bolted back out into the night, racing to the chapel as fast as he could.    He saw Andrina right across from him, ‘bout the same distance away, and then grit his teeth and ran the remaining distance.

  ANDRINA Andrina loved games, but she loved winning more. So as Rob pulled away, she was already laughing, her victory a bright spark in each eye. They hadn’t established any rules, which meant that Andrina could cheat if she wanted. And duh, she wanted. Cheating never cheapened a victory; it sweetened it, reminding Andrina that she was clever, and she loved being clever.    And without Rob around to curb the worst of her impulses, she’d give into them.    So Andrina didn’t bother to race off into the city, to find some shoppe with its lights still on. She knew how this worked. She’d seen movies and TV and stuff (wasn’t life just like movies and TV and stuff?) Andrina slurped at her milkshake and strided toward the very chapel they were supposed to meet at.   She walked right in and up to the desk. “Hey, do you guys do, like, bridal veils and dress rentals and stuff?” she asked the man working at the counter.   The man started at the desk, looking up from his phone. His eyes were bloodshot. Ooooooh he was high as fuck. “And by stuff, I also mean weed, you have any of that too?”   “Wh--”   “I’m kidding! Kind of. I am if you are,” Andrina flashed a smile and leaned over the desk, showing off her cleavage.    “We...are a wedding chapel,” the man stated very slowly. He licked his lips. “We do have uh, tuxes and dresses available with some of our packages, listed here in the brochure…”   “Here’s the thing,” Andrina said and she leaned in even closer. “I sort of have a bet with a friend. Can I like, just borrow it?”    “Uh.”   “I’ll give you the rest of my milkshake,” Andrina sang, giving it a shake. She tilted her head and grinned. “And I won’t tell your manager you groped me.”   The man’s jaw went slack.    Ten and a half minutes later, Andrina was outside, dressed in a cheap wedding dress, with a joint between her teeth for good measure. “I WIN!” she shouted toward Rob. “By all means, take your time! Maybe I’ll just marry my new friend, Earl!” 

  ROB   “Ah, fuck,” said Rob, but he smiled and sprinted the last bit of the way. Reachin’ into his pocket, he pulled out the ring, and as he reached Andrina, he more or less crash landed onto one knee, holdin’ out that big, obnoxious rock that he’d swiped.    “Andrina Genieve Triton,” said Rob, voice all serious, as he held out the ring. “Will you do me the honor of marryin’ me?”   This was a grand game — a grand joke, yeah? Imagine scrappy Robin Hunt from Nottingham ever getin’ married. ‘Course it would be somewhere like this busted wedding chapel in Blackpool, with rings he stole. When he’d thought of marriage in the past, it seemed like somethin’ impossible: Rob was not a man who wore stuffy suits in a proper church and said bullshit lines in front of a priest. That’s what most girls wanted — maybe not a church, but a country club. Maybe not a priest, but a speech from their fathers, a best man and all that bullshit.    Andrina dinnit though. Andrina had a bloody joint in her mouth now and the wedding dress she wore looked like a Halloween costume with its gaudy jewels and plunging neckline. She looked like the best goddamn thing he’d seen in his life.   “Well whaddya say?” said Rob, still on one knee. 

  ANDRINA: The ring was gorgeous. Also, really ugly. It was both these things at the same time, and Andrina’s eyes widened at the sight of it, before she burst into laughter.    Of all the ridiculous things that Andrina had ever done in her whole life-- this was the most ridiculous. A spontaneous trip to Blackpool! Gambling, sex in the bathroom, milkshakes, Earl, a costume wedding dress! And now she was looking at some kind of Kardashian mistake of a ring-- she had no idea if any of those stones were real, because they were the kind of thing that looked so shiny and over-the-top you had to second-guess, but also maybe it was real, and Rob held in his hand more money than any of them had ever had in their bank accounts combined (and that was saying something for Andrina, Daddy’s Little Princess).    And here he was, offering it to her.    And was he serious?   Suddenly, Andrina didn’t know. Suddenly, she was looking down at the only boy who had never asked her to be anything that she wasn’t, and he was wearing that smile of his-- one that looked like he was always hiding the best part of an inside joke.    She wanted to kiss that mouth. Andrina wondered if that meant she was in love with him. She wondered it, and nothing moved inside of her. No big firework moment--  but none of the cold, clammy fear either, that had always taken her by the neck and never let her go.    She could marry this person and she didn’t think it would change anything, besides the fact that she’d have this massive, ugly ring to wave in people’s faces. Also, she could call herself Mrs. Gardner in an affected posh accent, which was always fun.    Mrs. Andrina Gardner. Or Mrs. Andrina Hunt, or whatever.    “I think I dared you first, that’s what I say,” Andrina declared. She grinned. She yanked up Rob by his collar, took the cigar out of her mouth, and planted a kiss on his lips, dirty and greedy and still tasting a little bit like milkshake.    When it broke, she stuck the cigar in Rob’s mouth, took the ring, and slid it on her hand. She fanned it in front of her face. “I’ll do it if you’ll do it,” she said. And that was definitely a yes in Andrina-speak. 

  ROB   Hell, they’d come this far and Rob wasn’t about to back out now.    Did he want to get married?   He dinnit know. Getting married was somethin’ he’d just never thought about. When Andrina kissed him though, hard and fast and sticky, he had the quick little thought that if somethin’ ever happened — if he couldn’t kiss her anymore — he’d be missin’ something more than just her lips. Not to say he wanted her to be the only person he kissed from here on out (or vice verse), but just that if he couldn’t kiss her well, then —   Look, this was all some complicated stuff to be thinkin’ about when he was supposed to be havin’ the happiest day of his life, yeah?   He didn’t answer her directly. Cigar still in his mouth, he grabbed her and lifted her up bridal style and spun around a little, before marching right into the chapel.   “Oi!” he said to the greasy-lookin’ bloke at the counter. “We’re here to get married! Where do we do that at?”   Determined not to put Andrina down till the moment they were in front of whatever sorta makeshift aisle they had in this horrendous lookin’ building. The greasy bloke grabbed some forms and led them through a door, down to a room dressed up in pink gawdy hearts and flowers and floatin’ lil naked babies.   He plopped Andrina down then and extended his arm to her.   “Ready?” he asked. There was still a teasin’ look in his eye, of course, but it was coupled with just a bit of seriousness. ‘Cuz here they were, here he was with Andrina wearin’ some trashy rental gown and ring he’d nicked at a nightclub, lookin’ at him like he was a prize she just won at a carnival. He looked at her and he felt… well happy.    Ahem. He turned away, shouting at greasy fellow.   “Can we get a wedding march here? Or something dancey? I wanna do this proper, mate. Only the best for the love of my life.”   

ANDRINA: Rob lifted her up and Andrina squealed, instantly kicking her feet as if she was trying to escape. Rob’s grip was firm though. He had her locked in his arms. Locked down, some might say-- hardy har har, marriage is an oppressive institution that people still willingly entered despite a shitton of sexist comments and attitudes!!!!!!!    But Andrina could escape if she wanted. Elbow Rob in the face and give the bugger a nosebleed and call the whole thing off. She’d even laugh it off and make it impossible for Rob to get mad at her. She knew how to play her cuteness as a shield like that.   But she didn’t want to escape.    She kind of wanted to get married. Why not? It wasn’t permanent. No matter what anyone said, marriage was a checkbox, and Andrina could check it off tonight, and erase it tomorrow.    But she wanted to say, at least once, she’d been married. In Blackpool. On a whim. To the love of her life-- or maybe not-- but certainly to a lad she liked more than she’d ever liked any boy. So she struggled only to make this more fun, and if she was playing a part, she was playing damsel, for once. God knows she’d never play that part again.    And then it was time, and she clicked down onto her boot heels and flipped her hair. She pretended to sniff snootily and tugged down at her sweater as though she was adjusting some kind of fancy bodice. Then she weaved her arm through Rob’s and waited for the music.    The wedding march sounded and Andrina turned to Rob with her Serious (™) face on.    “Race you down the aisle,” she said, Seriously.   And then she darted down the aisle, yelping as she felt the veil stuck in her hair give way a little. She reached up to secure it, and nearly tripped over the cheap dress. Rob caught her, and then they were laughing again, spinning the rest of the way, to the intolling organs and a bored looking for-hire officiant at the other end.    When they arrived, she was out of breath, but grinning. She flashed her ring at the officiant. “Pretty, innit?”   “Beautiful,” deadpanned the very bored bloke. She wondered if this place paid more than McDonalds or Starbucks. Hmm, back-up options for a career… “Ahem. We are gathered here today--”   “Wait! Rob, play my dad for a second. You gotta give me away.” She said and elbowed him in the side. 

  ROB   “Right, o’course,” said Rob without a moment’s hesitation. He darted back down to the end of the aisle. The rent-a-preacher stared at the both of them. Rob extended his arm out to Andrina and did his very best JEFF Triton impression.   “You look beautiful, darling,” he said, making his voice deeper which wasn’t necessarily how JEFF sounded, but it sounded vaguely what Rob imagined fathers to sound like. “I’m so happy that you’ve found someone for you.”   He didn’t know what fathers said to daughters on their wedding days, but he imagined it went something like that.   Puffing out his chest, he stomped down the aisle as the music played again. The bored pastor, preacher, random official person sighed.   “Are you ready now?” he asked.   Rob saluted, still pretending to be JEFF, and then took his place as Rob. He clasped his hands together like a groom in a movie, even though he was wearing a Dead Kennedys t-shirt and some old worn jeans, he pretended he was in some fancy tuxedo.    “Ahem. So, like I said we are gathered here today to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony...did you wanna do your own vows or just do the ‘for better or worse’ bit?”   “Nah I can do my own,” said Rob. He wasn’t about to say some church bullshit. He cleared his throat as the pastor bloke man person went about all the other    “Andrina,” said Rob, clearing his throat. “You’re absolutely batshit and I say that as someone who’s too hard to handle for literally every person in the world I've met before. You’re sexy and fun, but you’re also my partner in crime.” A smirk here, ‘cuz that was literal eyooo.    “And you know, “ Rob continued, a little more sincere now if you knew what to listen for, but you’d have to really know what to listen for in Rob’s voice. “I don’t think there’s been many girls in my life I’ve wanted to never stop kissin’ but I never wanna stop kissin’ you. I promise I’ll always be down to do something as wild as gettin’ married in this chapel and I promise we’ll never be bored. Or maybe we will be, but we’ll find somethin’. I love you — “    It slipped out and he couldn’t stop now, so he just grinned as he talked hopin’ she’d also find it like a joke (or hopin’, maybe that she didn’t).    “And I’d steal a million pounds for you and you know it, babe.”    “Lovely,” said the pastor, then turning to Andrina.   

ANDRINA: It was a joke as they waltzed down the aisle the second time, Andrina taking long, serious strides, trying to remain smooth-faced.   It was a joke as Robbie jumped to the front, smoothed a hand down his front, clasped his hands together.   It was a joke as Andrina climbed up to meet him, lifting her chin before sticking out a tongue for a split second before the officiant finished his cliche, scripted speech.   It was a joke as Robbie started his vows.   But it wasn’t a joke for long.   Andrina couldn’t trace where the slippage happened. But Rob’s smirk faded at some point and suddenly she was noticing the color of his eyes, which she’d never noticed before. She was not the type to note shit like that. That was for Tiny and Dell, even Lana to a point. Andrina only cared about how smart a boy was. If she was in the mood, she’d pick a stupid lad to get her off, finding the most embarrassing, neanderthal dirty talk a strange turn on-- like watching shitty porn on purpose. Other times, she picked someone a little wittier, who could keep up with her jabs-- good not just for the fuck, but for the foreplay.   Rob was obviously the latter. She loved his mouth, kissed it plenty of times, felt it on her neck, her breasts, between her legs. She liked when he talked and when he didn’t-- when he chuckled, when he smirked, when he sucked on a lolly she nicked for him from the market.    But now she was looking in his eyes and her stomach fluttered. Butterflies, for the first time, here on her wedding day.   She could blame the wedding for them. Blame her veil and the fake stained glass behind Rob and the big rock on her finger. It was all just an illusion. She didn’t really feel… she didn’t actually…   But maybe she did.   And suddenly there was a before and an after. There was a split in Andrina’s roads. She saw it clearly, her life behind her-- a life of seven sisters, never enough space, and always drama she was obligated to participate in. She’d leave Blackpool and return to it. The idea crushed her. She was suffocating right here, right now, which is usually how she felt when a boy, any boy, looked her dead in the eye like this and told her that they liked her-- except Rob was doing that right now and all she wanted to do was fling her arms around his neck and beg him to steal her away next.    Don’t make her go back to that fucking town, to all those sisters, to her shitty apartment and the dinners she had to show up to like reporting for the army, to her dead-end job, to Attina’s depression. Please, dear god, no.    Her marriage was a getaway car. Rob was driving. Andrina was calling shotgun and hopping the fuck in.    “I think vows are overrated,” she said. “But I promise that you are the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.” And she looked to the officiant. “Okay, say the thing.”   “Oh-- that’s all--?”   “Yeah. Chop chop buddy!” Andrina said with a hand wave. “This is the happiest day of my life, helloooooo!”    “Er--right. I now pronounce you--”   Andrina flung her arms around Rob’s neck and kissed him before he could finish. 

  ROB   Rob kissed Andrina back, picking her up a little and swingin’ her around. And ‘cuz why do this if he didn’t do this the right way, he picked up Andrina’s legs and carried her in his arms, like they were somethin’ out of a movie or somethin’.   Ha. Rob Hunt from Nottingham Orphanage never thought he’d be worthy of a movie. Not that this shitty chapel and these stolen rings and this rent-a-pastor were worthy of a movie. They were all shams, hacks, more reflective of Rob, really. But Andrina — Andrina was a real thing, better than any dumb movie endin’ because she had a wicked smile and sometimes in the morning her breath smelled and sometimes in the night she kicked, but she was smart and she never stopped, ever, and the mask Rob wore always somehow disppeared with her.    Also she was sexy as fuck.   He spun Andrina around a little, givin’ a bit of a woop, the gave her a proper snog. It was sticky and messy, the sort kiss that horny teenagers in the back of a car kissed. And what of it? He couldn’t wait to go back to the van and shag his wife.   “Hey, uh, sorry but you’ve got to sign these forms and stuff,” said the rent-a-preacher, holding up some papers. “It’s real quick, I promise. Sorry shoulda done it before but — “ “Yeah,  yeah, just bring it here,” said Rob, dropping Andrina down and grabbing the pen to quickly sign because, okay, the primary thing on his mind right now was sex.

  ANDRINA: Andrina was also thinking about a car-shag-- a back-of-a-van shag, actually, was more accurate. Her thighs were already trembling, desire as hot as the rest of her blood. If she stepped back from herself, she’d maybe realize it was the adrenaline from what might have been some kind of mental breakdown or dissociative episode. Because, her! Andrina! A wife!   Honesty, this was her most brilliant joke yet. Wait until she told her sisters.    (This thought instantly led to a short-circuit, and the Nyan Cat Video played on repeat.)   First though, right. Paperwork. This was another chance for Andrina to rewind this whole insane episode and decide she wasn’t going to be a wife after all. But Rob grabbed for the pen without hesitating, and fuck if she was going to prove to be a coward in the last ten seconds of the biggest Andrina-prank ever concocted.    Plus, she got bragging rights, she supposed, being the first sister to ever marry.    That was kind of a fucked up thing to think.    But it’s true, went the little voice in her head. As Andrina signed her name with a flourish, something very pleased inside her stretched itself out and started purring. A smile slid across her face. No one thought it’d be you, Andrina. Yeah, maybe this is a mental breakdown. Or maybe you finally found out who you’re supposed to be.   “Should I take your name?” Andrina said as she straightened up. She wiggled her veil off so she could plop it on Rob’s head instead, stepping forward to adjust it carefully. “Andrina Gardner. But that isn’t even your real name right? Well, that’s kind of hot. A fake-new last name. Or maybe you can take my last name-- it can be your new fake name. Or like, fake-real name. Rob Triton.” Her eyes moved from the veil down to his own. She smiled. It was her softest smile of the whole night. “What do you think?”   ROB   Rob had no attachment to his name. He slipped on and off his name like it was a scarf of some sort. Sometimes he forgot Robert Gardner wasn’t a real person; sometimes he forgot Robin Hunt was one. Sometimes, he forgot that once he went by Oliver and also that was his legal middle name.   “Well, you can’t marry Robert Gardner ‘cuz he ennit real,” said Rob, cheerfully, tossing the veil over his shoulder. The rent-a-pastor looked massively confused, but Rob paid him no mind. It’s not like this bloke was gonna do a deep investigation into Robert Gardner. That name was so common, Rob had chosen it for a reason.    Sometimes Robert Gardner felt more real to him than Robin Hunt. Robin Hunt was a name chosen by a system, a name written on paperwork and run through computers. A name he’d shed because the baggage of being Robin Hunt was too heavy for him to carry.    A name he sometimes felt guilty about leaving behind.   But he needed to pick up new ones. He had to keep evolving. Stay still and he’d die.   He looked at Andrina now, his mouth cocking up into a smile.    “But I can marry Andrina Triton. I’ve never had a real name of my own, so I might as well take yours, yeah? I don’t need to be Robert or Robin. Just Rob. Time to reinvent myself — “   He took the paper and signed Rob Triton  with a flourish.   “There we go — who’d thought you’d make a new, honest man outta me, eh?” 

  ANDRINA Andrina stared down at Rob Triton and felt something. That something didn’t have any name that she knew. It tickled, and if she thought about it too much, she suspected it might feel a little bit like heartburn.    Here’s what she did know: that something made her want to take this piece of paper with Rob Triton written on it, tear it up into pieces, shove it into her mouth, and eat it.    That’s how much she loved seeing it written out like that, the idea of not belonging to Rob at all-- but him belonging to her.   Instead of giving into her weirdo, paper-cannibalistic desire, she swept up the paper, folded it neatly and then reached under her dress, hiking the whole thing up. She hadn’t taken off her jeans, see. So she could just slip the paper in the back pocket. She let the dress back down and then slipped her arm through Rob’s own.    “Okay Mr. Triton. I think we need to consummate our marriage,” she winked at him.    The officiant grimaced.    “Chill out, we won’t do it here,” Andrina said and giggled. “We have a very on-brand sex van. Let’s make the most of it. Maestro, play the wedding march!”   “We don’t really do that on the way down the aisle…”   “Nevermind!” Andrina exclaimed and she tugged Rob down anyway-- and together they skipped their way back out into the early hours of a Blackpool morning.

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

uwu i want angst and sorry if this is too triggering but is it okay to do dabi, present mic and shinsou where they get in a super heated fight w their s/o and the boys do a quick movement to run their hands through their hair or like hand gesture and its so fast their s/o thinks they’re going to hit them and they heavily flinch and then the guys find out shes had like an abusive past i love ur writing so much crie

( no, this is okay ❤❤❤ i won’t write a prompt of charas beating their s/o, but this is good. | warning for grade A asshole in dabi’s. | wherein present mic is the only one who knows how to do this lmfao. | shinsou’s a good boy who Tries. )

| dabi; headcanons.

a heated fight with dabi is like tryina cheat death. he’s a stone-cold professional with his mind on the job, but when anger gets involved there’s no more rules. yeah, that’s been a red flag from the get go, but here you both are…

dabi’s cruel when he’s angry. serious about his bonds, but cruel, and it’s never worse than when ppl take to clawing at him in word or deed; fighting with him gets nasty – if it hurts him, you’re fucked.(you piece of shit, like you’ve any more right than whatever rando you’re degrading yourself to be, fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU—)                                   nothing but absolute offensive defence. it’s all predatory while anyone he cares for (or who knows how to get to him) is taking shots at him; fixated on the kill to avoid his own pain. there is no pain, no gentility as a viable option for dealing with this (he doesn’t even know that’s a thing that really works, that he could do), no bond to preserve - nothing but rage to hide within and blind his enemies with.

          since it’s his primary mode for survival, it’s not smth he can consciously acknowledge (yet). he can’t - he needs it too much, too often.

it’s not the kind of mood where he likes his s/o, it’s not the kind of mood where he wants to be nice.

              you’re scared of him? (fire, fists, words, teeth- there’s              so much he can do–) good. you should be. 

       absolutely undoubtedly, dabi makes it so much fucking worse. had they not been fighting, it would’ve been so different – but there’s no mercy in a fight. an angry dabi is rarely safe.he doesn’t hit them, but he makes a play at it more than once until they’re a crying, triggered mess and that’s when he takes his vindication somewhere private / he’s won.            he’ll worry about whether you’re still dating after he’s figured out            whether he still wants that.

oh, the insinuations? bitch, no-one here is unhurt. and if you know dabi, you shouldn’t be stupid enough not to feel the threat. if that would scare you, fuck off you brainless–

     he hasn’t yet figured out whether you’re still worth giving a shit. shit.

| hizashi; headcanons.

the one motherfucker who handles this well from the get go, and that’s in part because with hizashi you just don’t get into… nasty fights. the rest is that hizashi is Absolutely not inclined toward scaring his loved ones and has no need for defensive rage to that extent. 

he’s got standards for himself, y’know? they’re more important than petty shock/hurt - his survival methods are so much more healthy than dabi’s, and that’s thanks to personality and opportunity.

if you’re really fighting, it’ll still be close to reason - hizashi’s emotionally healthy & would be with someone who is, for the most part, also that. as in, if you can’t talk about ur big issues like adults ( + some emotion ofc but honestly expressed, not cruelly ), he’s nooooooot gonna be in a relationship with you.      you- that’s. like. communication, bro. you need it.

first off he’ll a) absolutely notice and jump to the right conclusions thanks to experience b) wave it away bc he’s preoccupied and inclined to go ‘well it could be smth ELSE’ if he’s not completely ready to deal with it.the look on your face makes him ready to deal with it in about 3 seconds, and then he gently puts the fight on hold to ask whether he scared you, assure verbally that he wouldn’t, and give you space while asking what u need to feel safe enough to continue being arnd each other - or to not do that if u can’t feel safe.

hizashi is so good at making himself gentle - bc he is. he doesn’t need the walls & fronts to feel safe himself; vulnerability is his strength. he uses it well.

          there’s blankets involved and his express refusal to come near unless you ask him to, letting you control his proximity to you and what happens next. if you want, there are so many cuddles. if you want, there is reading apart from each other in blanket nests without focussing on anything so you can try to wind down. tea, maybe some anti-anxiety bg music, a super gentle kid’s show on tv. if you want to leave, you leave. if you want him to leave, he leaves. if you want to work through this but need a friend as a buffer, y’all call them over. hizashi will text aizawa for his own emotional support, cuz finding this out is rather upsetting for him too - fuck, he loves you, of course it is.       anything to be receptive, welcoming, and kind to your pain.

       the real anger comes when he finds out just who hurt you, and it’ll       be reserved for those names.

| shinsou; headcanons.

shinsou gets mad. 

it’s instant, thoughtless hurt while they’re already hurting each other and it just makes him defensive / he doesn’t stop to consider a better route. (can’t.) more angry, yells smth pained about them not trusting him (thinks it’s a jab since they know his buttons) – things aren’t registering as they would if he had his wits about him.it’s just hurt. yells, moves toward them too quick & makes it worse (not intentional) but is already backing off again. things sink in now & he’s a mess, so instead of doing anything that he can’t properly think through rn he just leaves. takes himself out of the situation.

he’s not stupid. between his own experiences, hero work, etc – once the fight’s a lil further in the past and his head cooled, he can look at it and see they weren’t trying to hurt him. it wasn’t fake– and that’s so much worse.        do they trust him anymore? no idea, so he waits it out / gives them both more time to settle. he’s not ready to be soft yet, but the idea of going in when he’s still on edge just breaks his heart.shit, he didn’t know this.

maybe he’s reading too much into it. yeah, maybe. he’ll ask. hopes that won’t be too invasive, draws on all his lessons to figure out a game plan; be calm, non-threatening, respectful. (he’s gonna phone aizawa, ask for advice.)he especially needs time to prepare for the possibility they won’t want to share with him. will respect it of course, but he’s so fucking worried it’d drive him a lil mental so he needs to prep to not push whatsoever - and it’s easier to focus on his worry than their fight that’s been abandoned like an open wound. 

           ‘easier’. ugh.

he goes back in when his head’s clear / phoned first to ask. he cuts right to the chase, tells them to set the boundaries if they want to meet up - make it so they can feel safe. it’s not that bad anymore, they say – although it really hurt when shinsou just left, made them fear he didn’t want smth so broken. 

                  that hadn’t fucking occurred to him at all.

and that’s such a relief they fucking both cry, ugly sobs into the phone and tentative ‘why were we fighting anyway’ - an equally careful ‘maybe we can write things out that bother us and just focus on finding a way through’. 

they meet. their s/o is a lil spooked in that trauma way you just can’t help & shinsou’s hyper caution makes it worse until they each find a balance. somewhere innocuous with ice cream and a view on a park, and they just. adjust to this new part of their dynamic, get used to each other again since they didn’t get to properly end the fight or deal with things.        there’s some unrelated talk to ease into things before they open up - just the tip of the iceberg, to test out shinsou’s capacity for it. 

he’s got a hard time looking gentle when he’s torn between hurting for them so much (and that’s… more intense than expected) and angry at himself, the situation, the things that hurt his s/o and the things he doesn’t need to punish himself for but does.

              after a while they call in the help of experienced adults (read: present mic) to deal with this; still more private than a counsellor, but still… they need the help.

they make it through. soft becomes a new/reinforced staple of their relationship and they learn way better ways to communicate thru issues, avoid actual fights.

learning to channel his anger differently also eases shinsou’s overall life / being soff w/ the bae becomes a new (and first) favourite part of his own personality (whoo boy). if he happens upon the bastards who hurt his s/o and curbstomps them somewhere in a back alley, well. that’s more aizawa’s influence.

[timeisacephalopod]

Snapshot

A lil Ned/ Peter AU because these boys don’t get enough love! They’re aged up, so they’re in their twenties rather than teens, but still. Its a celeb AU also- Peter plays Spider-Man instead of being him.

“Oh my god I can’t go out there,” Ned hisses at Michelle. She looks nonplussed but she always looks like that even when there are celebrities here. Ok, there are always celebrities here but Ned doesn’t really care about most of them its just that he happens to be a huge Spider-Man nerd and Peter Parker is the best person he’s ever seen cast as the character. Toby Maguire was a travesty, and Andrew Garfield is pretty but not the perfect fit. Peter Parker though, Ned has never seen someone bring the character to life the way he does. Everything about him is absolutely perfect and now he’s sitting at a table with Tony Stark and okay this is... this...

“Ned, get your head out of your ass, he’s in your section,” Michelle tells him.

“You’ve got this!” Liz tells him over the little half wall that separates him from the kitchen area she’s in.

Yeah, he’s got this. He’s totally got this- Peter Parker is just a regular dude looking for food and Ned happens to know the food here is good. He probably eats too much of it, though to be fair he works a lot. Celebrities give good tips and he has school bills to pay for and also rent.

He starts walking over and okay never mind he does not got this he’s a lowly fat boy in school walking towards a person who plays one of the most iconic characters on television right now he is not worthy. He goes to turn around and give his table to Michelle when Peter god damn Parker notices him and smiles, waving a little excitedly and Ned has no choice now he has to go over.

“Uh, hey. I’m waiter, I’ll be your Ned this evening. I mean I’m a waiter, my name is Ned. I will be waiting. On the food. With the food, on you. Um. I’m going to shut up now,” he says, wishing he could banish himself to the shadow realm forever for that. Holy Christ he managed to embarrass the hell out of himself in less than two seconds this is the worst day of his life he hopes the earth gets hit by an astroid large enough that he’ll die long before he has to deal with poor Peter.

*

Yeah, Peter knows Ned is embarrassed but it was cute, watching him flounder a little. “Do you ever get used to that?” he asks Tony.

He shakes his head, “not really. I mean you get used to it in a way that you kind of expect it, but not in a way where you can really accept why people treat you that way. Or I didn’t, I know a lot of people who kind of let that kind of treatment go to your head and we’ve all watched what happens when child stars leave Disney. It really does fuck with people to have everyone treat you like a god only for them to turn around and get pissed off that you act like one now too.”

Shit, yeah Peter has seen that happen plenty but that’s just... not him. He grew up in Queens and didn’t even think he had a shot at landing the role of a lifetime. Hell, he would have ended up working a shitty dead end job because he couldn’t afford to go to college if not for Tony finding him at an improv group and deciding he had enough talent to fund his education. He’s always loved acting, putting on a show, and boy that has come back to bite him in the ass in really weird ways but in the end things worked out really well. Except for the part with the crazy fans, he doesn’t care for that, but that’s part of the job so.

“Hm. It wouldn’t be like... creepy to ask a fan out, right? Like because they’d be way less likely to say no to you? Would that be weird? I think that might be weird I won’t say anything,” he says, sealing his own fate.

Tony laughs, “depends on the fan and that one isn’t the type to worship you and also isn’t the type to stalk you. Keep in mind that consent goes both ways and fans are just as likely to ignore your boundaries. Maybe more, actually, since totally ignoring our privacy and personal space is considered normal and kind of encouraged. But that guy- just flustered. Probably a comic book nerd too,” he says.

If he’s a comic nerd Peter doesn’t see why he’d like Peter much. He can’t even believe the amount of blowback he got from the comic fandom over the fact that he’s trans and playing Spider-Man. Yeah, he obviously expected some blowback because that’s... well, normal not that he wants to admit that casual transphobia is alive and well. But it is, and he expected it, but the sheer amount of people that thought just that part of who he is should disqualify him from playing the character was nuts. Thankfully Peter Quill happens to be a crazy bastard and basically told everyone and their dogs to shove it because he knows what he’s doing. Which, to be fair, he does. And casting happens to be a skill he’s especially good with.

“Think you might be wrong about the comic nerd thing,” Peter says. Comic nerds are bird brains, he has decided.

“If you say so, kid,” Tony says and Peter can tell Tony thinks he’s right but he doesn’t say it.

*

Tony is trying to explain how he and Arthur Curry of all people ended up in a relationship when Ned comes back with food. Poor guy already suffered through drinks and Peter tried to talk to him to try and make him feel more comfortable but it didn’t really work. So when he comes back over Peter grins, “that smells so good,” he says and he is starving. Being stuck under film lights all day is actually exhausting work contrary to popular belief and obviously he gets fed but he’s like a bottomless pit with food. Can’t ever seem to get enough, but he’s always that way. The bonus is now that people read him as a guy no one asks if he should eat that much they just kind of assume he’s a glutton. Which, yay, because pastries.

“Um yeah, its pretty good. I’ve tried basically everything here except the caviar and the escargot because I draw the line at rich people food that sounds like it should be poor people food,” he says and Tony snorts, laughing into his hand.

“Yeah, guess fish eggs kind of do sound more like a thing poor people would eat than rich people. Weird. Also, not good- I’ve tried it and I don’t get the hype,” he says, shrugging.

“Tastes like spunk, I don’t get it either,” Tony says and the response obviously surprises Ned because he looks at Tony with a shocked expression on his face which, in hindsight, is probably why he doesn’t notice Peter’s food go overboard and into his lap. He jumps up before the hot food can do damage, then winces when the plate ends up in several pieces on the ground and Ned looks horrified.

“Its okay!” Peter says fast. “Things happen!”

“I am so sorry!” Ned says, eyes wide in horror.

“Its fine! I’ve had worse things thrown at me,” he says fast. Which is true, but also.

Ned rolls his eyes, “all those people who decided you couldn’t play Spider-Man because of some comic book inaccuracy or whatever bullshit need to look at those comics again because in issue 1034, which was released eight weeks before you even got the role, Gwen Stacy asks if you can lay eggs. Tom Holland, not you, you just play him. Whatever. Anyway, Gwen Stacy is a genius so she’d definitely know that only lady spiders can lay eggs. Also, Spider-Man is well known for his slightly high pitched voice and sure, people can argue that’s because he’s a teenager but I was sixteen once too and by then my voice was normal, so for Tom Holland to have hit puberty that late its totally acceptable to consider the effects of T on his voice and also- wait, no, oh my god. You don’t give a shit about any of this, people suck. They’re transphobes and also you have the perfect frame for it and lets be real, Christian Bale would have been a better choice than Toby fucking Maguire,” he says, flapping a hand around and wincing at his rant.

Peter raises an eyebrow, “there’s actual comic text evidence for trans Spider-Man?” he asks and Ned shrugs, cheeks turning a little red.

“I mean, you kinda gotta dig but if they can randomly make Captain America HYDRA and then unmake him HYDRA when everyone hated that shit trans Spider-Man is much less controversial. Actually, its totally inconsequential because why would that affect being Spider-Man, it just means you gotta take T and you- Tom Holland not you- got bit by a radioactive spider. Is being trans really more unrealistic than that? Because any idiot who claims realism probably need to pull their head out of their ass because the real world ain’t got super soldier serum to give you a shredded bod. Which, by the way, is my kind diet plan- just taking some experimental serum and come out hot. You don’t care about that either, oh my god, I’m getting comic nerd on a celebrity and also your food and-” Peter cuts Ned off to save him from himself.

“I think I might be in love with you, Ned,” he says and then winces, looking to Tony in a panic. Why the hell would he even say that!

“What he means,” Tony interjects smoothly, “is that he thinks you’re adorable, and he wants you number. Maybe a date, if you’re comfortable.”

Ned stares for a long moment. “Oh my god this is exactly season two episode four where MJ asks Gwen out for you even though that’s dumb because MJ and Gwen clearly belong with each other,” Ned says, eyes wide.

“Yeah I know right? Peter- Quill-” he clarifies when he remembers too late there’s two Peters involved in Spider-Man, “keeps pushing for it but stupid TV people won’t let him. So now he’s writing them as gay as possible to piss everyone off, except its kind of backfiring because now everyone thinks he’s queerbaiting but he’s not he’s queer expliciting as much as he can before someone fires him. Also yeah, I just don’t think Gwen is a good match for my character anyways, I mean she’s nice and all that but they’re kind of... platonic. Oh, um, do you know what a Miles Morales is?” he asks because Quill mentioned him and Peter has no idea who that is.

Ned does because he lets out a loud noise that’s halfway between a huff and a squeal and Peter is sure he’s never heard a noise like it before. “Oh my god they’re introducing Miles Morales! Yes!”

Tony throws a dinner roll at him and it bounces off his head, “you shit head, don’t give away spoilers!” he says like it isn’t a meme that Peter consistently gives stuff away. At this point they’ve started using it as marketing material it happens so often. Like that time he opened a supposedly internal poster on his Instagram and faked being shocked when he realized it wasn’t supposed to be public. Everyone ate it up even if they all knew it was fake- obviously it was considering the video was never taken down, but the fans loved it anyway.

“Give me every single spoiler now!” Ned says, excitement written all over his features.

Peter considers saying no but he’s not good at peer pressure, its how he got talked into doing shrooms when he was thirteen and that was a bad plan. “The multiverse explodes and one of the spider people dies but I can’t tell you which one,” he says quickly. Tony throws another roll at him for it but he can’t help it.

Ned lets out a loud screech, “oh my god if Peter Quill kills you I’ll go kill him!” he yells way too loud. People turn to stare and Peter waves them off.

“Talking about a TV show!” he assures people and Ned, to his credit, looks like he kind of wants the earth to swallow him.

“Peter doesn’t die,” Tony says, “and we’re going to leave before Dipshit McGee lets any more spoilers loose. You might not want to tell anyone any of that stuff, people will find you and I really wish that was a joke but its not. You’ll get like twelve cease and desist letters.”

“That’s true, I have like fifty of them in frames and also I’ve been banned from reading scripts until shooting schedule because I really am terrible at keeping things secret and this is really Quill’s fault for telling me any of this stuff and hey wait I don’t have his number yet,” he says and Tony drags him off.

“I’ll get his number and pay, you stop spoiling Quill’s hard work before he decides to kill you next,” Tony says.

[tmnt-veelicious]

Across the Stars - Ch.1

Eyyoooo, first chapter of my TMNT fanfic :’) Now, what the fawck is going on? Welp, it’s a lil’ lovey-dovey story based on the 2014-2016 universe. The turtles are aged up to their mid 20′s.Aaannd it’s going to be rated mature (especially for language, anxiety/depression mentions, explicit stuff and future sex scenes yaasss). The main pairing is DonatelloXOC (self-insert). If you’re not a fan of that, it’s perfectly understandable and you may go on your merry way~. Writing this kind of stuff helps me with my own anxiety ( ´ ▽ ` )b  heh Also I want to apologize in advance for any errors I may make. My first language is French and sometimes my brain farts some nonsense. I always try to correct things as fast as I can though ! ANYWHOOORE, time for some reading ! Enjoy :) First Chapter --> You’re here mah precious Next Chapter --> HERE

Done. That was the only word that went through Vee's mind as she closed the apartment's door behind her, leaning into it with a long sigh. She was done with the day, done with her exhausting shift at work. Done with life. Hanging her black trench coat and removing her autumn boots, she wandered to the kitchen, finding the place void of any other presence. April O'Neil, her roomate, had been rather occupied with her job, being a reporter for Channel 6 no easy thing. Also Vee was noticing how the other woman was somehow avoiding her for an unknown reason... She shrugged, trying to chase the thoughts away, filling an electric kettle with water in order to prepare a cup of tea. As she was waiting for the water to boil, she stopped to a standing mirror, grabbing her long light brown hair so she could assemble them in a messy bun. She couldn't help noticing the dark circles under her green eyes, a clear sign of fatigue and stress. A new sigh escaped her lips as she pushed on her glasses, repositionning them to their rightful place. Ever since she moved in to New York city, six months ago, she felt like her spark was vanishing with each passing months. Coming from Montréal, Canada, to work and live here had been a big step in her life, but it had also been a dued change. Her initial thrill and thirst for adventure had fueled her, dreaming of the endless possibilities New York's creative scene could offer her... Alas, she was nothing more but a single raindrop in a massive ocean of artists just like her. Was her life reduced to the endless loop of eat-work-sleep? Indeed. And she despised it. Especially since her job consisted of folding clothes and being a cashier to bratty customers who would complain day and night about not finding the perfect size of jeans or t-shirt. So exciting!... At least it paid the bills and rent. Click Vee turned to the kettle, mindlessly pouring hot water in a cup and dropping a bag of green tea, next making her way towards her bedroom. The place wasn't too big, only offering enough space for her double size bed, a desk on which sat her laptop and, not too far, her prized electric piano, most practical when she needed to practice and would only need to plug in headphones so only she could hear the precious melodies. Vee was an artist in many forms. From music to drawing, with a side of writing, she have had the opportunity to lay her hands on many projects, also spending a good part of her past twenty-five years in schools and colleges, studying and mastering her creative side. Vee was a dreamer, her mind always up and running, never at peace. She had so many ideas and so little time... At some point she wished she could just puke them out of her brain, knowing it'd be way easier to sort them out. Instead, she had a wall filled with post-its, papers, anything that she could write on, filled with words, drawings, things that inspired her or wouldn't just leave her thoughts. That was her way of keeping a planner, knowing it'd be way too frustrating to flip through many pages of a book only to find THE idea she'd be looking for! Undressing so she could put on a large t-shirt and keep her legs free of any pants' restraint, she plopped on her chair, facing her desk and turned on her laptop, the screen's light blaring through her unamused, souless even, expression. Her fingers moved expertedly over her keyboard, typing in her password, next sipping her tea without care. Her thoughts slowly started to shift to a new subject. Him. She hoped he'd be online... A month or two before she departed from Montréal, she had started to notice the sudden interest of a new follower on her various online accounts. At first she didn’t mind, but soon both began to chat and discovered that they had many interests in common. They liked talking about science, sending eachothers stupid memes and simply going from serious conversations to hilarious ones. He said his name was Donatello. A bit of a pretentious name. It was certainly not his real one (or else his parents must have been total Renaissance nerds). And his username was no better: donino, a simple mix of his name and that domino pizza place. He liked pizza. URG. STUPID PUNS. Vee smiled when she noticed he was on, already opening a chatbox. (veelicious): Afbabshabvdfshdsbf (donino): Hi? (veelicious): My brain is trying to reboot. (donino): Long day I presume? (veelicious): HMMMRRR I wish I could land on a good job opportunity in my domain rather than hearing people complain about how they'll just go to another store only because we don't have an item that ran out of stock. (veelicious): I'm not even complaining. Go shop somewhere else, customer from hell. I won't miss your needy ass. (donino): Yikes! Sorry people can be such dickheads :( …. Have you tried looking for another place? I could help you search? (veelicious): You're sweet, Don, but you don't need to go into all that trouble for me. Don't worry, I'm always on the lookout for something else :) She always thought it was cute how he was always ready to help her. … Even though both were now living in the same city, they've never met. He would always give a reason to postpone any actual meeting and Vee couldn't help feeling hurt about that. They'd been chatting, both via text and voice, for a little bit more than half a year, developping a strong friendship …. Why would he deny seeing her? She suspected that he might be lying about living in the city, but on the other hand she couldn't believe that, the guy too truthful in nature. (donino): Is there anything I can do to help and make you feel better though? (veelicious): Yeah, what about a coffee date? She slapped her palm to her face, cursing herself. (donino): Vee idk... (veelicious): For fuck's sake Donnie, what could go wrong? I just want to get to know a new friendly face around here. (veelicious): I really enjoy talking to you. … April's been giving me the cold shoulder for some unknown reason, added to her being almost non-existent in this frickin' apartment. And now you just always come up with excuses. (veelicious): I may be a stupid introvert, but damn sometimes I just hate being alone. … I just want to talk. (donino): We can voice chat if you want. (veelicious): No Donnie. … I want to see you. I want to see your face, be able to put a picture over your name. I want to see you when you laugh. I want to see you smile. … Jfc, I don't bite. She took a long sip of her tea, her hands slightly shaking. She felt like she was confessing something, but deep down she just wanted to be able to hang out with someone other than herself, April or any stupid coworker... She got no answer for a good couple of minutes, knowing she had probably scared him. Ding Her eyes moved back to the screen. (donino): Tomorrow night. Come alone. Go on top of the building that's on the corner of 4th ave. and 12th st. (donino): … I know this sounds super creepy and weird as hell, but trust me, it's the only way. (donino): Oh and yeah, bring coffees :) Vee's eyes were now wide open, her heart suddenly beating hard. She was confused and excited, a large grin coming to her face. The request did sound off, but at least she FINALLY got a result. *** This september night felt chilly, the month nearing its end. Vee was glad to be holding the two cups of coffee, warming her hands. Wearing her black trench coat, she couldn't help snorting at the mental image of herself, dressed like some sort of hip business woman, walking fast with her coffees, ready to tackle any late work. HA! She wished. She found the place, a modest apartment building which had an emergency metal staircase to its side, Vee then going to it in order to reach the top. She found herself alone, gazing upon the nearby streets, sipping her cup from times to times and butteflies destroying her stomach due to stress. Why was she so anxious to meet him? The worst was probably that she had no idea what he looked like. He never described himself much, only stating that he wore glasses and was tall. At least that was a start? Vee was about to leave a cup down to check her phone that she heard a sound; someone clearing their throat to bring attention. She quickly turned towards the sound, noticing a form in the shadows. ''… Donnie?'' she asked. ''Uhm, yeah, hi.'' A large smile came on Vee's face, recognizing his voice. She proceeded to walk in his direction so she could hand him his cup, but was promptly stopped. ''Wait!'' his voice sounding slightly nervous. ''… This is hard for me, please, just stay where you are.'' Vee was confused but obeyed, her eyes trying to scan his form. He looked tall, easily over six feet! He seemed to be carrying some sort of gear- She heard him sigh, finally moving. The first word to come up in her mind was green. Then purple. Glasses. Golden eyes. Technology. Shell. Shell? Turtle?! They stood there, in complete silence, Donatello now immobile and in plain sight. He gulped, starting to feel anxious as he could only notice how wide Vee's eyes were now... ''Wow,'' she finally said. She walked to him, closing the distance. Donnie was tempted to fall back, but remained in place, his eyes never leaving the human. Vee handed him a cup, her hand slightly shaking, her gaze plunged in his. She felt his hand around hers, taking the cup, only then her mind was brought back to reality, trying to find words only to speak again: ''Is … is this why you never wanted to meet?'' she asked, now both her hands around her cup. The turtle swallowed hard again, trying to focus. ''Well, yeah!'' He finally frowned a little in disbelief, a hand going to his hip, trying to understand the situation. ''Wait,'' he puffed a little. ''No screaming? No fainting? Just 'wow'?'' Vee shrugged, unsure, taking a quick sip of coffee before commenting: ''Okay, let me say something else then. … Holy hell! There. Any better?'' A small laugh escaped her, mostly dued to stress, but she was quick to calm it, sighing. ''Look... I can't deny that I'm a bit scared right now, but I'm mostly curious. I mean, you're a walking, talking turtle person! Gee, that's not something you get to see everyday, at least for me.'' ''… You don't think I'm a monster?'' he asked shyly. ''Oh please, what now? Monster is a synonym for 'bad'? Am I supposed to be afraid senseless and run away? … As I'm aware, you're a good person.'' Donatello's fingers fiddled on his cup. ''… I- I don't know what to say,'' he mumbled. ''Vee, you're probably the first human to be kind when meeting me.'' The woman lifted her cup in a 'toast' gesture, a smirk on her lips. ''I'm your friend. If I were to scream and throw myself off this building in fear, that would make me a terrible one.'' Donnie clinked his cup to hers, a smile now on his face too. ''Glad that didn't happen then. I'll drink to that friendship.'' *** ''April, what the fuck?'' Vee said as soon as she entered the apartment and saw her roomate sitting on the couch, carelessly going through her phone. The brunette lifted her eyes: ''… Yes?'' Vee knew everything. Donatello had told her about how he knew April, how she'd be working with them – yes because there was a 'them' as in there were others like him! ''Why did you never tell me about Donatello being a freaking mutant turtle?'' April's body jolted back to life, sitting straight, her eyes wide open. ''Wait, how did you-'' ''I just met him,'' cut Vee, her hands resting on her hips, a deadpan, non amused look on her face. The reporter was at a loss for words, going through several emotions, trying to find the right words. ''… What, he actually met you? He told me he didn't want to.'' ''SEE! THIS! Why the secret? You knew I was talking to him. If he was so scared, why didn't he stop talking to me? What the fuck is going on?!'' April sighed, gesturing for Vee to come sit by her side. ''Vee, I'm sorry.'' She sounded sincere. ''Can you just understand that this situation was really … delicate? I can't just go around and tell people that I know some freakin' ninja turtles-'' ''Wait, ninjas?'' ''Yes, they're ninjas. Now don't interrupt me! … They've been living in secrecy for many years now and they come up at night to help around with justice and stuff. Their main goal around here is to protect the city.'' ''Wow, okay, so like some sort of super heroes?'' asked Vee, genuinely curious. ''Yes! Remember Shredder? The Technodrome? It's not Vern or the police that took care of all that, that was them! They run around, jumping and stuff and they fight back.... Usually they're very careful, but you had to fall upon the only one who's a real tech genius and probably spends more time on the internet than his brothers.'' She took Vee's hands, looking straight into her eyes. ''… How did you react when meeting him?'' ''I was surprised,'' answered the other with a small smile. ''I did not scream, although I was a bit scared, but I was just so happy to finally see him...'' ''Heh, lucky. First time I met them I fainted.'' *** (veelicious): I can't believe we actually met! (donino): Me too, to be honest. I was so nervous.... (veelicious): I'm really grateful that you went over your fear and showed yourself. … I have the feeling that I sounded selfish and mean last time we chatted and I'm so sorry. I didn't want to rush things like that... (donino): No! Actually, I'm glad you did. … You're a good person, Vee, and I guess I low-key knew that you would react the way you did when we met. I don't know how to explain it... … (veelicious): I want to meet you again. (donino): Same. (veelicious): April told me everything. … If you and your family are okay with it, we could meet up at your place? I'd be curious to see how it looks down there. April would come with me. (donino): Unless you have troubles with slight sewer odors, you're welcome here! I'll keep you up to date regarding the others though... (veelicious): Looking forward to it ;)

[alhaitham-shrine]

@aperfectexampleofsarcasm had to go and tag me in a gtkm thing SO i guess I’ll do that instead of sleeping. I like doing shit like this :’’)

and I’ll tag @ratfuxk @relativelyjilly and @dyerink and that’s. all I’ve got

how tall are you: I tell everyone I’m 5′11″ but honestly? I think I’m 5′9″?? I’ve got absurdly long legs (at a lil over 3 feet) so it gives me the illusion of being taller

what color are your eyes: uhhhhh, blue? but also a bit green in the right light? once they were very gray and i had a five minute identity crisis

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: according to the optometrist, yes? but one, they’re just reading glasses and two, I forget that I own them so I won’t wear them until the migraines get too bad cause I’m stupid

do you wear braces: not anymore, thank fuck!! I have a permanent retainer along the back of my bottom teeth, though. 

what’s your fashion style: occasionally feminine, mostly fuckboy? I dress in a manner that makes it hard to determine my gender/sexuality/age?? most of my shirts used to belong to my dad and I’ll wear skinny jeans in 110+ degree Fahrenheit weather. also i only own one pair of tennis shoes that i rarely wear because 90% of the time it’s black combat boots. and one pair of cowboy boots

when were you born: september 22, 1999! on that day in history the US spy Nathan Hale was hanged by the British in 1776 :D

how old are you: 18 but i feel like a 1950s housewife high on drugs. that’s not an age but like. yknoww

do you have any siblings: I have one half-sister that I know, then two other half-siblings that I’ve never met

what school/college do you go to: no school or college for this idiot, I’m disappointing everyone I know and avoiding school for as long as I possibly can

what kind of student are you: I was the sort that never did any work until the last minute and half the time I found ways to convince other people to do a lot of it for me. I was never dumb, and I excelled fairly well in history/english/theatre, but like math and science shit? I was really bad at it, so I’d work my way around that by befriending the nerds. I also refused to read a lot of books for english throughout high school simply because they were all shit but i also never read the cliff’s notes so to be honest? i have no idea how i passed. i’m a fast typer so in some classes when the teacher was asking questions i’d already have answers and shit queue’d up? all the teachers liked me but the asshole teachers? I was their Favorite because I, too, am a sarcastic little shit like them. (specifically my government teacher, advanced english teacher, and that final theatre teacher i had)

what are your favorite subjects: psychology, government and economics, theatre, english, almost any home econ class, and i already said theatre but like. ESPECIALLY theatre.

what are your favorite movies: The Labyrinth, Jumanji, Stardust, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, Hercules, Deadpool, Burlesque, Silent Hill, Grease, and I don’t know if I’d consider it a favorite but I watched Leap! today, twice, and cried both times so. 

what are your pastimes: reading, writing (fiction and poetry), listening to an absurd number of podcasts, daydreaming, cleaning, drawing eyes on everything, drinking coffee, uhhhhhh. spinning really fast until the circles until the world is still a blur even when i’m standing still.

do you have many regrets: if there’s any one person out there that has no regrets, they’re probably a shitty 2D excuse of a person. 

what is your dream job: I want to be a NYT bestselling author, that’s the job I want more than anything in the world, but there are a few other things that all equally come a close second so.

I want to get my doctorate in psychology, and I wanna work with either criminals or teenagers.

I want to make either short films or podcasts? I haven’t decided yet, but I’m too visual of a person to not take advantage of at least one of those.

I want to do more with theatre. I don’t think acting is something I could do, at least not anytime soon, but. I have so many stories to tell and, like with the films/podcasts, I’d love to just do one thing onstage. I love set building and the idea of choreographing every move to mean something it just. i love theatre

and, lastly, I want to just travel. I think I’d do this with any of these jobs, but I wanna go everywhere I can possibly go

would you like to get married: I mean in theory, yes? but I’ve never been provided with very good examples of healthy marriages so I don’t think that’s something I’ll be comfortable with for. a long time. BUT THAT BEING SAID, weddings? I love the idea. If I could just have a wedding without the actual marriage that’d be fantastic. I’ve been planning it out for so long I just. ignored the part where I needed a partner (basically I just wanna wear a fancy ass dress and be adored and eat cake??)

do you want kids? if so how many: I adamantly refuse to give birth to any living, sentient thing. My family doesn’t seem to grasp this but I hhhhhate the idea of giving birth. It absolutely horrifies me, and also? I just don’t like small children. I’ve got the patience of a hand grenade when it comes to small kids cause like. they can’t read?? I literally do not remember how the fuck i learned how to read one day i was illiterate and then suddenly i had a college reading level in third grade???? i can’t handle kids they’re just so. egh. BUT I’m okay with older kids? and also they’re the ones less likely to be adopted from the foster system so like. I wouldn’t mind, one day when I’m older, fostering older kids? 

how many countries have you visited: I have not left Texas/Oklahoma since I was seven years old. someone please save me

what was your scariest dream: oh where do I start?

the dream where the rocking horse flies from Alice in Wonderland ripped the skin from my face? (I was five)

the one where I watched three witches perform an autopsy on my mom? (I was five)

the one where I continued to dig a bloody gouge into the side of my face and no one bothered to question it? (recent dream!)

I have been visited infrequently by a very large ant since I was about six?? but these were less dreams and more vivid hallucinations? the first time it happened i woke up in the middle of the night and watched this ant crawl across my body? and then another time in broad daylight i watched it crawl through a large dollhouse like it lived there? but it left when my friend returned?? 

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: i don’t know? i mean i guess not, not really? it’s weird and complicated, but it’s all good!! complicated is my middle name :’’)

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: i have like a million playlists so I’ll just put the first song of each!

"When You Loved Me Least” by Michl

“Fine!” by Mal Blum

“Never Wanted to Dance” by Mindless Self Indulgence

“More Than Survive” from Be More Chill

“Girls” by Marina and the Diamonds

“All I Want” by Kodaline

“Traveling Song” by Ryn Weaver

“The End of All Things” by PATD

“Neptune” by Sleeping At Last

“Maps” by Keaton Henson

“Smother” by Daughter

“Fear of the Water” by SYML

“warm glow” by Hippo Campus

“Sleepover” by Hayley Kiyoko

“Whoa Whoa Whoa” by Watsky 

[ultronnie]

pls tell me about Kris I need to hear about him for my health

OOOOH FRIEND

I CAN SERIOUSLY TALK ABOUT KRIS FOR H O U R S

WELL

HERE WE GO.

gonna get in DEEP here, my dude. kris is very important to me for like 9426946 reasons.

Full Name: Kris Dawson. Nothing too special. The name Kris stuck when I was first writing him about a year ago. I dunno what it is about the name but it sticks with his character. Last name came from my dude Shane Dawson. I love Shane to death. He’s had a big impact on a lot of stuff for me the past few years so yeah.

Gender and Sexuality: Male and he’s bi.

Pronouns: He/him.

Ethnicity/Species: Tiny lil’ cat boy! AHHHHHHH!!

Birthplace and Birthdate: He’s an October baby! Ah! On the 7th. We share a birthday. Birthplace was a hospital coz duh lol.

Guilty Pleasures: So quick thing here that’s important to note: Kris is very much me. The thoughts, the voice, the actions. He’s me. Like I said about Andy, I’ve put some of my insecurities and issues on him. But Kris has it all, dude. As I live my life now, I try to establish what happens within his world, even if it’s not exactly like my life.

Now that that’s outta the way:

So in terms of guilty pleasures, Kris is really, really, really passionate about the fact that Born This Way by Lady Gaga is one of the best albums ever made. He won’t play it for you right away, though. If it comes on the shuffle, he goes, “Oh, what??? Lady Gaga??? On my shuffle? HUUUUH??”

Although not as serious, Kris loves the musical Rent. It’s the only musical he likes and he doesn’t mind admitting it even though he hates most other musicals.

Phobias: Kris doesn’t have any straight up fears, kinda like Andy. He’s more terrified of living life alone. Not like losing people, but ending up alone at the end of it all. He wants a companion in someone but he doesn’t think he’s fit for anyone at all.

Kris doesn’t want to disappoint the people he does have in his life. He has a consistent idea that everyone, including his best friend of 17 years, secretly hates his guts and wants him to rot in a garbage dump somewhere. He’s very insecure about himself, even when he comes off as a confident little shit with a smart remark every chance he gets.

What They Would Be Famous For: I’m not sure. Kris and I are figuring that out currently, if that makes sense. It’s hard to find your place in the world, really, and Kris is a pretty basic guy. He doesn’t have any extraordinary talents or anything.

What They Would Get Arrested For: For being Andy’s accomplice. That’s it. That’s the crime. Not sure if this will actually happen in the story buuuut there’s always a chance for some OTP crimes, right?

OC You Ship Them With: OOOOOH BOY

So there’s another part of my life that is VERY sad that sorta revolves around this. It’d give away a bit but there was always another character before Andy who I knew needed to go with Kris. It just worked. See, every character in this story is a representation of me in some way and also an important person in my life. I won’t say much more coz I think I don’t wanna get in too deep about it, but I’ll say that it’s really hard to know you can’t have something.

So Andy. That’s where Andy comes in.

You know this story. But on Kris’s end, he just really thinks Andy’s great. The thing that got him going about that idiot fox was the high pitched metal screaming he did when Damien (ANOTHER CHARACTER AHH) dragged him to his band’s show. Kris just really loves the dude. He thinks the world of him even if he doesn’t agree with Andy’s more serious crimes like public intoxication or a public disturbance.

But Andy also understands the bad things in Kris’s head.

See, I have these weird bouts that come about once a month where everything is bad. The mania of reality runs dry and everything seems very slow. I get inexplicably angry at everything and nothing makes me stop unless I sit alone in my room or something. But Andy helps Kris through these episodes. He’s a good guy. Kris appreciates that.

And again, these two are just the best to draw together. I’ve only come up with a few things and they’re not too great buuuut I’ll very likely commission some stuff of them together.

Stupid Andy. Stole my heart so fucking fast that I’m trying to get him drawn by someone else after he’s been a character FOR TWO WEEKS.

Also, for added feels about these two, I always listen to the Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy with them in mind. Makes me wanna cry, tbh. I love these two that much.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: I mean, I dunno. Kris doesn’t really do much to anyone else that could make someone wanna murder him. He’s probably the most well-liked person in Re-Hash, tbh.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Older horror movies are great in Kris’s eyes, and he really likes comic book media. He grew up on Marvel and some DC. He thinks Watchmen is one of the best things ever written. He’s also pretty keen on 1984 for some reason.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: He thinks about 98% of horror movies nowadays are shit. He loved It, though. It was great! (Seriously, It was great.) Also, historical fiction is B O R I N G most of the times. Also musicals. He thinks most of em are cheesy.

Talents and/or Powers: I think Kris is probably good at whatever I’m good at. I think I write pretty decently and I draw well. Not that he does those things all the time, but he is good at them. 

Why Someone Might Love Them: I think that most people like me for my views on things. I’m cynical but in a way that’s funny. Like I don’t say shit like, “I hate *whatever* coz it sucks.” I’ll say “I hate *whatever* coz it is literally the same thing as shitting in a bucket and setting it on fire.” Kris has a very creative way of talking about things that makes people laugh.

Also, Kris is keen on playing his music really loud when he drives and he goes hard. Everyone thinks it’s funny and Andy is like, ‘wow, my boyfriend can’t hold a tune but he’s cute so IT’S FINE’.

He’s also very genuine. He doesn’t really like the shallow games people play with other people. It just ends up in hurt. He’s straightforward and honest. It’s why Andy sees him in such a good light despite all the tragedy Kris has had.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: I don’t really know. I think maybe he thinks people don’t like him for his attitude that people seem to love and that in turn makes him push some people away. He doesn’t mean to of course. I don’t think anyone really could outright hate him unless he really wronged someone in the past, honestly.

Anything’s possible, though.

How They Change: Like I said, as my life goes on, Kris’s does too. So really, I dunno what’s gonna happen. But whatever happens to me will happen to Kris in one way or another.

Why You Love Them: I was going through a pretty rough time about January of 2016. I think that was when I first wrote him as a character and started to really figure some personal shit out. Like, just writing little drabbles about him helped me kinda figure out that I’m bisexual as shit. It just happened. I had to come to terms with it and he helped me figure it out.

I put a lot of work into him even if he’s just a tiny brown cat with the same music taste as me and a lot of cooler clothes. I don’t think there’s anything that I’ve written/made that I REALLY hold closer than this little idiot. Sounds dumb, but I’m in a weird place right now. He’s getting me through some shit even now. He’s a means to cope for me. I just love him to death. Everything about him. Design, personality, story. It’s all so good to me.

Woo. Gettin’ emo. AHHH--

tl;dr - Kris Dawson is the best boy in the world. 11/10. No character ever means more to me.

[nana-writes]

Lor, a monk tiefling - their back story

[2nd repost - tumblr is acting up sorry]

system - 5e d&d

world - dm’s homebrew so don’t worry about not recognising names and whatnot. key points: elves are known for being racist af, tieflings are universally hated/deemened as per usual and this whole backstory happens in the ‘human’ continent, which is mostly consistend of humans but does have some representation of the other races.

(DM: text) means it’s a note for the dm. This text is pretty much what i sent him except trimmed a bit here and there and less ‘formal’

Lor has never met their parents (they aren’t too bothered about this tho, life goes on and they have far more pressing issues). As a toddler, too young to remember it, they were left on the steps of a monastery near the Elolham village. The monks took them in and raised them. There were other kids there too, orphans and abandonees, of various races and ages, but no other tieflings, and the monks weren’t exactly used to taking care of kids so they simply raised them under the same regiment all monks lived in - i.e. they train, worshipped, cleaned, worked and studied like apprentices (albeit adapted to their ages and levels). This included, once the kids reached the age of ten, getting their first, body length tattoo, showing their dedication to Aemhert, human god of Death and keeper of Reapers, and his holy mission of guiding the souls of the dearly departed - a single, simple, flow-y line, black ink that doesn’t show to well on their deep blue skin; it start just under their heart, curls up to the collarbone, in the middle of the chest, where it splits to go over their shoulder and meet again at the top of their spine. It goes down the spine till the small of their back where it splits again to curl around the waist till it meets their thighs, comes down the thighs all the while curving so it’s in the back when it gets to the knees at which point the line comes down in a somewhat straight line, following the natural curvature of the calf, till it ends right about where the Achilles tendent is. Where the tattoo splits to go over the shoulders it also splits to go down the length of both their arms, on the inside, circling the wrist at the end so as to end on the back of the hands. Every time the line splits or comes together once again there is a small diamond-like shape, as well as in the back of the knees, the ‘back’ of the elbows and at the end and beginning of the line (under the heart and in the shins).

Lor wasn’t particularly good friends with any of the other kids except for Myram, a half-elf boy a couple of years older than them (i thought making him an elf would be funny and would play well with their initial naivité). They spent a lot of their free time together, playing make believe and reading fantasy stories in the library, making their own up when the small collection of books the monks owned quickly ran out, daydreaming what it would be like out there, beyond the monastery and it’s ploughed fields, and slowly but surely starting to make a plan to escape together… And then one day Myram leaves in the middle of the night, without telling Lor a thing. (DM - Two possibilities in this case: Myram could have been somehow forced out and didn’t have the chance to tell Lor anything; or they never really cared for Lor, they were just a distraction from the boring and annoying days in the monastery and yeah maybe Myram thought they were kind of cute but they would be no help at all, only a hindrance, if he’d brought them along so he didn’t. I’ll let you pick whatever did happen. Either way Myram can easily pop back up again later on in the campaign if you want him to).

Having their only real friend, who’d always promise they’d be together through thick and thin, whom they looked up to, with whom they’d made plans to leave together, abandoned them like so wasn’t easy on Lor and it didn’t take long till they too left the compound, shortly after their 12th birthday. Their dreams of adventures and wonders where swiftly destroyed, however, as they quickly learn that the world is not kind to tieflings, no matter how young they may be. This definitely puts a hatchet in their innocence and naiveté, which Myram’s departure had already taken a hack at. They do manage to make their way into the nearest city, Beltove. After a few missteps and misshapens they learn to keep their head low when need be (more often than not) and learn that the skills they trained at the monastery can be adapted to a urban setting as well. They start taking odd jobs here and there, as a runner, servant in this tavern or another, as a fetcher, whatever precarious occupation they could find.

Then one day, about two years after they’ve first moved to the city, they notice a poster calling for the arrest of Ibef, a low-level thief that mostly pickpocketed out of the busy market, targeting tourists, merchants and locals alike, and offering a reward for his delivery to the law. Lor realised they recognised the drawing of him because they’d run a couple of messages and deliveries from his house. So they loitered around the area for the next week or so, learnt Ibefs general schedule and one night, when Ibef left on his evening walk, Lor sneaked into the house and waited till he was asleep. Once Ibef was out they injected him with a powerful toxin and Ibef never woke up again. Lor, figuring they were too small to drag a body through the city + that would look weird, brought the captain of the guard (after much persuading) to the house. Turns out they wanted him alive so the captain only payed them half the price of the reward, but he was kind of impressed with Lor’s performance and told them to stop by the station again if they wanted to, there might be other jobs for them. And that is how Lor became an urban bounty hunter for the law.

They ran a bunch of other jobs, none too formative except for two, one targeting Adra, a tabaxi known mostly for stealing from the high class, and Elasalor, an elvian head of a mafia. (DM – leaving it up to you if you wanna come up with other NPC’s they might have caught and who could hold a grudge)

Adra was a job that to this day no bounty hunter has collected on. Lor attempted to catch her – and her handful of underlings, street urchins that Adra taught now and then, people just like Lor had been four years ago – but Adra, unlike every other one of their targets up to now, was aware of Lor and their methods and always managed to stay one step ahead – Lor mostly survived on anonymousity and people underestimating them. One evening, while Lor was attempting to stalk out one of Adra’s hiding places they ran into Oriana, a female tiefling who would later become a friend and more – even if they did not meet under the best of circumstances. Oriana was one of the street urchins Adra had taken under her wing and the reason they met at all that fateful evening was cause she was running interference.

And in a bigoted world you tend to find your own, so they start hanging and they aren’t friends, not really, just together cause it’s easier to find boarding like that, it’s easier to stay safe on the streets and to put food on the table, and over the course of the next year they find themselves becoming friends, and later lovers. Adra does become aware of their building relationship and grows to be somewhat found of Lor, sentiments bordering on the same motherly affection she showers all her lil’ apprentices with.

Elasalor was a different case, an odd one from the very start. Instead of finding this job listed in the courthouse as per usual, someone – whom they later learnt was a runner for The Onyx gang – brought the proposal to Lor. It was unconventional, and sort of not what they usually did but damn the reward was more than the police force had paid them in the last two years together and yeah, maybe getting involved in the brewing gang war wasn’t the best of ideas but it’s not like they were asking that much of them and Oriana and Lor had been talking about moving out of the city lately – this could be just the right boost to do so.

So they took the job – and everything went to shit. It was meant to be a simple job, only a couple of names that they need to cross out, and if possible, get the ledger that would be kept in the house of the main guy for a bonus. Lor planned it out, knew when the three of them were meeting, knew they would have dinner and so had sneaked in earlier to poison their bread and seasonings, hedging their bets on the three thugs eating anything with bread or seasoned so they’d be knocked out by midnight. Lor would then come in, slit their throats to make sure they were in fact dead, and look for the ledger. But when the tiefling made their way into the house, through a back window in the second floor they’d left ajar earlier in the day, and down the hall to where the three men should be fast asleep in the arms of Aemhert, they were instead confronted by two bodies on the ground (instead of the three they were expecting) and three others waiting for them, weapons drawn.

Now, Lor wasn’t (that) stupid and knew when things had gone south so they attempted to flee. It wasn’t easy and they sustained a bunch of injuries, fighting back some but mostly focusing on running away, which they managed to do eventually. Lor later learnt that the three enforcers they were meant to target were meeting with Elasalor, the elvian regional leader for the Hatchets, who’d obviously brought protection of his own. But for now all they know is that that elf looked like the leader, and he did not look happy and neither did the two other surviving members and Lor is pretty sure they are following them so they take the long way around and a trip that should be only twenty minutes takes them three hours but they eventually make it home, only to leave Oriana a note and leave for Eoni’s house – a sketchhy halfling cleric that lives on the outskirts of the slums and everyone knows will look the other way and patch you up for some coin.

The elf and his henchmen, however, do not realise that Lor has left the apartment shortly after sneaking in through the window. And so they follow them in as dawn cames, to instead find Oriana getting up for the day.

Lor comes back to their shared apartment that evening, after a day spent healing and recovering at the cleric’s house, to find the apartment trashed by the vestiges of a recent fight and Oriana dead on the ground. The whole scene is brutal and horrific, all of it a clear message to Lor – her horns sawed off to be of a similar size to Lor’s and the whole scene horrific and clearly a warning – Oriana’s horns, long tall things that looped only once, had been hacked at and sawed until they resembled the height of Lor’s. Lor sticks around only long enough to pray over Oriana’s body, pack the bare minimums before taking the next shipping vessel out of Beltove, which happens to lead them to the next port-city, Talra. They keep a broken off piece of Oriana’s horns on a string around their neck .

(DM: so a couple of things here – I’m leaving it up to you if the person hiring Lor, who I imagine to be someone quite high up in the Onyx if not the leader themselves (Pogram; human; late 20s, early 30s; born and raised in the city), knows about Elasalor being there. If so I imagined that said person would be hoping for a double deal – either Lor does their job & gets offed or Lor does their job & kills the elf too. As for why they would want Lor dead, maybe Lor had previously captured people from the Onyx gang? Sort of leaving it all up in the air for you to do with as you want.

Second thing: Lor booking out of town like that – if the murder was ever properly or minimally investigated they might be considered at least a person of interest if not the main suspect.

Third and last: you know how Lor keeps a bit Oriana’s horns on necklace around their neck? What if Elasalor does too? I was thinking he might do so either out of some masochist pride in the victims he’s taken or as remembrance of someone who got away – Lor. Either way I sort of assume the piece of horn isn’t the only keepsake Elasalor has.)

I couldn’t make it fit into the narrative structure all that well but Lor has mixed feelings on their religion. They still worship Aemhert but they’ve spent their whole time in the city attempting to forget about their time in the monastery and pretend none of that ever happened cause why deal with the past when you can just forget it? This means tattooing over the monk tattoo along the years. They still, however, have their monk robes with them.

Part of the reason why Lor still feels such a strong connection to their god is that, growing up in the monastery surrounded by mostly human species, the depictions of Aemhert were the first and, for a long time, the only time that Lor saw anyone that looked like themselves – they shared the same solid  gold eyes and whiteish blond hair.

I will have a full description of how Lor looks up later tonight/tomorrow! (with tattoos descriptions and maybe some drawings included… :P)

EDIT: More about Lor - stats and physical description