#Wanna write something expending on that one day)

[bambisnc]

dreams come true? i sure hope they don’t. [ft. h.yj]

pairing : han yujin x f!reader <3 genre : so so crack. + lil bit fluffy cw/tw : uneditted + beverage mention + lmk if there r more sobs wc : 0.6k !! <3

“wait so let me get this straight- you like someone.. and instead of doing anything rational, or god forbid even half-normal about it; you’re trying out wikihow rituals to manipulate her dreams?!”

yujin at least has the decency to look sheepish. yeah okay so maybe he did have a crush on a certain someone, namely you, and yeah maybe he was a little too anxious to approach you.

and.. yeah maybe he happened to come across an article which taught him how to alter your dreams via a simple ritual. 

writing out the name of your ~beloved~ along with a detailed description of the dream you wished for them to have on a piece of paper, place 9 orange and purple streaked moonstones on it and crumpling up the paper – was, as the site declared confidently, enough to be able to make yourself a constant presence in the dreams of whomever you wished.

as long as he remembered to loudly announce the exact minutes for which he’d known the aforementioned beloved before starting, that is.

well, yujin thought, it seemed harmless enough.

except some part of him did consider it necessary to do a couple of trial runs. he wouldn’t want you to start having dreams of, say, student council member ahn yujin or that new girl choi yujin who had been a little too friendly with you these past few days. there were a lot of yujin’s around weren't there..

which is what lead to you having a series of rather odd dreams. and the subsequent amount of time you spent lowkey freaking out about them. 

“gyuvin i swear i wasn’t even thinking about greek gods at all before i fell asleep,” you vent to him one day at lunch, “but i was somehow a mermaid god or something?? AND hades, you know, the god of the underworld, was kinda beefing with me for no reason?!”

your friend who is unfortunately sworn to secrecy by yujin tries his best to distract you, “c’mon dreams are contractually meant to be weird; stop overthinking it! and besides-”

“BUT LISTEN when i woke up the first audio i heard, i think some video that yujin sent me, was about greek gods!! this has happened way too many times for me to put it off as a coincidence!!”

“i think you’re just delusional (like some other people i know..)”

you simply sigh out, “sorry, what was that?” not too willing to expend more energy in trying to convince him that your problem is very valid; and he’s just being very unsupportive of you right now.

"..." you suppose you'll have to make peace with the fact that your subconscious was probably just in a silly phase.

-

distant sounds of students leaving after evening classes, rustling of trees with a gentle breeze.. and a flick to your forehead?!

your eyes flutter open, more than eager to chastise whoever had thought it okay to break your comfortable reverie. but when your gaze lands on him, han yujin, you feel your complaints dying down. he’s holding out your favorite beverage to you; a soft smile adorning his face. 

before you can let out a single word though, there’s.. another flick to your forehead?? what do people have against you..

your eyes flutter open (again?), more than eager to reprimand whoever thought it okay to break your .. wait had you been dreaming just now? 

you find yourself with your cheek resting against a table. the one who flicked your forehead yet again appears to be yujin. 

his eyes seem to twinkle slightly as he says, “i thought we were going to get our science assignment done yn? or did you plan on doing it while asleep? i so did not expect this from yo-”

“hey.,” you interrupt, “han yujin. you’re free now right? wanna go on a date with me?”

safe to say that you received a very positive response, especially with his now-flustered appearance.

gyuvin really should learn to keep his mouth shut, huh?

notes : @mellowdyverse MAIIII here u go love <3 i hope this wasnt horrific im struggling tm w writers block + [m.list] + woah the coloured text is going crazyy js ignore that hehe <3 song rec : nightwalker by ten tho. it has nothing 2 do w this but its so yumi likee

[himbos-hotline]

A reminder that fanfic authors are not expendible. We do not exist for peoples beckon call. We are human beings with lives away from the screens and the words. If you request something and we don't get to it straight away, we are not ignoring you. We care that you wanna see us write something but people have kids and partners or illnesses. Maybe they just don't wanna write one day. People forget that we do not exist for people to go "write this." and "write that." Writing is not an easy creative skill to have; its tiring and draining and fun and an art. And like every other creative artwork, it takes time.

Fanfic authors are artists. Stop rushing us because you're bored of staring at the brush.

[roserysttrpggarden]

Homebrew Class design For Dummies: Part 4: Class Resources

Hi there~! Hope you're having a lovely day. Welcome to the fourth-edition of Homebrew Class Design for Dummies, if you haven't read part 1, 2 and 3 click the links there. But in case you're new here, this is a series of write up i've decided to write to help anyone who wants to make a custom class for Fifth-Edition.

What is a Class Resource.

A class recourse, as the name implies is a resource pool that the player has to keep track off as they play that class. The most obvious example of this is Monks Ki points and Sorcerers Sorcery points,. Though these can also show up in other, much smaller ways. such as Channel Divinity on clerics and Lay on Hands for paladins.

If you don't wanna come up with an entirely new resource pool, then you can also look to other resources, such as spell slots, hit points or even hit dice as your classes resource if you really want too.

The Monk Problem

An issue that can come up with class-specific resource pools is that your class needs to expend it to do just about anything, this is most obviously showcased by 5e's Monk. Monk has several problems I might make a write-up on in the future, but for now i'll go over its Ki feature.

Monk has a resource known as KI, you gain an amount of ki points equal to your monk levels, which you regain on a short or long rest. You use your Ki points to fuel the following: Flurry of Blows, Patient Defense, Step of The Wind, Deflect Missiles (To make an attack roll) Stunning Strike, Diamond Soul (To reroll a saving throw) and Empty Body. If you include the optional class features then you also can include Ki-Fueled Attack, Quicken healing and Focused-Aim. That's 7-10 features. Now add also add on top of that how you have very limited ki in actual play (1st-12th-level) and that you don't have a way to reliable recover Ki mid-fight, it leads to an overall bad play experience, no one likes to operate at half capacity for most of the adventuring day.

Solutions

An obvious solution to the monk problem is to give them a way to regenerate their resource in the midst of combat, maybe your class can regain their specific resource by dropping a creature to 0-hit points, or after a critical hit. Or maybe they can spend an action to recover spent uses of their resource. Though if you plan to use the former, make sure you put a CR cap so the player can't punch a couple rats to regain their resource. That's called the "Bag of Rats' If you're curious. Keep how your resource is used because a way to easily recover it might not always work depending on the class.

Using a Class Resource

Okay, so your class has a resource pool they need to manage, sweet. But now you have to figure out how your class uses said resource, is it used to amplify your classes existing feature similar to sorcery points or superiority dice? Or is it used to create new effects. Generally what your classes resource does should be used to enforce the playstyle you envision. Say for example you want your class to be a healer, allow them to heal and cleanse effects using said feature.

while this might seem obvious to some, your classes special resource should also be incorporated in some way into their subclasses, otherwise stick to PB times per day or X modifier times per day. Which nicely segways me onto:

Tracking

Something to look out for when making a class with a resource pool is making sure there isn't too much tracking involved. An immediate example that comes to mind is the UA Mystic, which could gain up to 71 psi point at the highest levels. Which is an issue cause no where else in D&D do you have to track that, but unlike Lay on Hands, it's not like you're tracking an even number either (5 per level) the result is that it becomes cumbersome to constantly look back at the document or your sheet to track how many you have. Another example of which is the Psionic Soul Sorcerer, which added a second resource in the form if PSI Dice to the Sorcerers kit, which leads to confusion since you're juggling two big pools at once.

In general it's a good idea to limit tracking where you can, you can even make your classes main resource unlimited use, which yes would require more to keep balanced, but it'll go a long way in making your class easy to pick up and play.

Summary

To summarize the points of this write up, when making a class resource you should:

Figure out how the resource pool manifests. (Points, die, etc)

Make sure it fits within your classes overall themes and playstyle.

Keep tracking as limited as you can (Or want)

Experiment with it

The Avatar

Last but not least, I will give a little update on the Avatar. Since I last posted I decided to scrap the radiance die because simply put, I couldn't think of how to make them interesting to use without treading too much on other features, much less how to incorporate them into subclass progression. And personally, epithets feel much more like an avatar thing than the radiance dice ever did.

In exchange. Avatars that reach 6th-level can now cause an epithet to ascend, which reads as follows:

The idea behind it is that if you have an epithet you really enjoy using, you can have it ascend and cause it to become stronger. It's also meant to help keep the epithets viable as you gain levels in this class, an example of this is the Mighty epithet, where if you cause it to ascend, as shown here:

Holy hell, I am so sorry for taking this long on the series. I got caught up with other projects + reworking the avatar itself, so this ended up being put on the backburner until now. Hopefully I can get the next entry: Subclasses out in a timely manner, but we shall see.

But that's all I have for today, make sure to like + share my content if you enjoy, have a nice day, go out and make some homebrew.

Homebrew Class design For Dummies: Part 1: The Foundation

Homebrew Class design For Dummies: Part 2: Getting Started

Homebrew Class design For Dummies: Part 3: Finishing the base class

Guide to Balancing Classes

[hiccupbutpurple]

Wip Game

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP list, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. And then tag as many people as you have WIPS!

Tagged by: @howtowhumpyourhiccup :D

I don’t think I can realistically do that many but @reallyprofoundkryptonite @worldwhightnight @sorushing @violet-moongem @amyrafierceblade if y’all haven’t already been tagged and feel like sharing! Of course anyone who see this and also wants to participate go ahead!

Imma put all the ones I’ve at least started writing for because we’d be here all day if it was also the ideas that just have a few dot points or things. Some have actual titles some are just random description type things lol. I put the general ship name or character in the title so I can easily find it but it makes it less vague ig but eh. (Also sorry this is kinda long so I’m putting in under the cut lol.)

- How Time Has Transformed You

- To Rediscover An Old Self

- Some Things Shouldn’t Be Admired

- Preparation – Vigcup

- Tired – Vigcup

- Hiccup and Gobber self-care reminders

- Searching – Hiccstrid/Heathstrid

- Knock - Hicclegs

- Improper use of Maces and Talons - Vigcup

- Swordsmanship – Dagvigcup

- Accidents - Hiccstrid

- One inspired by entertain – Vigcup

- Room Where It Happens – Hiccstrid runaway Hiccup Au 1

- Put on a show – Dagcup

- Lusty Confidence - Hicclegs

- So You Wanna Marry Hiccup – Dagcup

- Naga Viggo one – Vigcup

- Hypnosis – Vigcup

- Love it When You Hate Me – 3 Versions (Hicclout, Vigcup, Dagcup)

- Honesty – Hicclegs

- Hiccup comes out to Gobber

- God Au drabbles (Starts with when lighting strikes) - hijack

- Finding Wounds – Hiccstrid runaway Hiccup Au 2

- Survival confessions / Hiccup tells Viggo about savages ship – Vigcup

- Heather period blood insanity – vent fic + Heather

- Projects – Hiccstrid

- Jane Doe / Heather’s soliloquy

- Borrower Au

- Venomcup Au drabbles

- Humiliation – Vigcup + Heather

- Thrall - Hiccup

- Snotlout and Small Hiccup drabbles

- Finding Trinkets – Hiccup and Toothless

- Toothless and small Hiccup

- At a Spa - Vigcup

- Making Up For Lost Time – Stoick and Hiccup

- Viggo and Hiccup + Dagur on treaty signing day

- Rock me in - Hijack / Hicclegs

- Mala/Dagur/Hiccup

- Lovefool – Vigcup + concerned Stoick

- Hard Hitting – Hicclout

- Constantly on the Mind – Hiccup

- Half Runaway Au – Vigcup

- Viggo and Hiccup in bed talking

- Sex Puzzles – Vigcup

- Forever suffering for other people - Hiccup

- Spying – Vigcup + Riders

- Ghost hunt – Riders

- Hiccup see’s ghosts

- Ride - Hiccup/Jack/Astrid

- Obstacle Courses – Zephyr and Hiccup

- Who is the hottest – Drunk Hiccup stupidity

- Survivor – Vigcup og day one fic

- When the smoke clears – Dagcup

- ‘What if I have that berserker insanity inside me?’ ‘I want that Berserker insanity inside me.’ – Dagcup + Heathstrid

- Panic attacks – Heathcup

- Paints - Nuffink and Hiccup

- Burns – Hiccup

- Tango – Vigcup

- Saviour – Heathstrid

- Expendable – Riders

- Ships and Anchors – Valka and Hiccup

[etirabys]

How do you know when to give up / when a day isn't going to be a good one? What do you do instead of working on those off days that results in more productivity the next day? I wanna know your secrets.

big caveat: I'm still figuring this out

I give up when I've been grinding for 1-2 hours. By "grinding" I mean "expending mental energy into work without getting any work done". My old workplace actually had a good poster about this (which alas, did not dissuade me):

But I also use information other than "1-2 hours didn't work" – I am frequently sleep deprived because I have insomnia, and when I haven't gotten enough sleep, I have a distinct "not enough sleep" sensation in my mind, where the world feels more difficult and horrible and perverse and unsolvable. Tasks I know perfectly well are solvable by me on a good day present to me a seamless, impenetrable face with no foothold for scaling. Books cannot be read. Etc. It's not subtle.

One thing I've tried one and off for the past month, which I like so far, is this schedule that limits me to 7 minutes of grinding per hour:

step 1: X:00-X:07: the only part of the hour when I'm allowed to be in 'grinding mode' for code (expending willpower to stay focused, etc). If I am not in flow state by X:07 I have to hard stop looking at code for the hour, and go to step 2.

step 2: from X:08-X:15: the only part of the hour when I'm allowed to be in grinding mode for a writing project. If I am not in flow state writing by X:15 I have to hard stop and do something devastatingly useless, like watching Succession or scrolling social media.

(I haven't been using it long enough to fullheartedly recommend it, since it may be placebo / new-productivity-system-NRE, but it's an intuitively attractive system)

On days I can't work, I do some combination of watching TV, scrolling social media, and staring blankly at a wall. I hate that this is true but attempts to swap in more virtuous activities have failed because they are not, in fact, restful.

Of these, watching TV seems to kill my soul the least.

[thegooddoctorkiebeth]

RP Interactions Want/Will/Won't List

What is a Want / Will / Won't List?

A Want / Will / Won't list is a tool for establishing consent, setting expectations, and enforcing personal boundaries within relationships of all types. I learned it from Sexologist and Clinical Therapist Dr. Lindsay Doe, whose work I'm a general fan of, and find it intensely helpful when communciating both desires and boundaries with a new playmate for any activity from the NSFW kind to DND.

There are a few ways to establish a new Want / Will / Won't list.

1: Make your own and share it publicly ( I'm doing this one right now! )

Making and posting your own list means Defining The Relationship its for ( in this case, RP relationships in general ) and filling out each field with examples of your personal preferences, and posting it where folks can find it.

2: Make your list while a specific individual is making theirs for That Specific Relationship Between You, and share them privately with one another for comparison and discussion.

3: Word Association Game! If making a long ass list that people may not even bother to read sounds like a crock of shit you don't even wanna expend effort on ( been there ) you can also have Want / Will / Won't discussions with the specific person you're getting to know, taking turns putting forward interactions and behaviors for the other person to say if that is a Want, Will, or Won't for them, allowing you to respond in kind where it lands for you, and discussing the nuances of each others boundaries before its their turn to put forward something and have you say Want, Will, or Won't.

This method works best with someone whom you have some rapport with, at least to the point that you're both comfortable laughing off awkwardness.

Alright alright, I hear you saying. Neat idea, Lore, but what do the catagories MEAN?????

Good question! Let's get into it.

WANT is your ideal.

Ideal RP partner behaviors, ideal plots, ideal communication methods and frequency, What Does Getting Everything You Want Look Like To You? List out minimum 30 things about that Absolute Ideal Relationship for you that are Within A Partner's Ability To Contribute to.

For me, off the top of my head, are things that would be on my RP Want List;

RP For Fun

No schedule or reply pressure

Partner is accessable for personal OOC chatting within an aquaitences understanding, no matter how close our characters may be

Partner is EXCITED about Aristel and how she fits into the Batman universe

Partner asks about Aristel and where she was during canon works, and desires to thread within those spaces of thought

Partner cares about character arcs and building relationships

Partner understands I Am An Adult Person With A Hobby

Writing with other adults

Partner Understands I Am Not A Batman Encylopedia And Is Willing To Teach Without Ridicule, and does not Make Me Feel Stupid for never having interacted with a given piece of media.

GOOFING OFF IN OOC CHAT

Planned arcs

Seat of pants interactions

Threads

Askbox interactions

Long replies

Short replies

Dialog heavy threads

Dialog exclusive threads

One off goofs

Starting new things and accepting most threads will not get capped off like novels if "finished" at all

Making art inspired by interactions to be shared privately first and publicly a day or two later

NSFW interactions in a private venue, such as Discord.

Partner willing to articulate their own boundaries BEFORE exploding and starting a fandom wide drama llama herding session.

I could go on, but the above is example of a good start.

WILL is the things You Are Okay With. Sure, I don't mind kinda vibes.

In my case, my Will list would contain

Saying hello or good morning when I've recently replied

Clarifying unclear language for my partner

Editing replies if I forgot or contradicted something

Watching or reading a piece of the Batman canon I'm normally disintetested in, provided it does not cause me distress to interact with

Notifying of absence when I know its coming

Notifying of return when able

Friendly OOC interactions with intent towards building a personal friendship outside of RP

Discussions of trauma and abuse in a private venue

Discussions of writing technique and skill building excercises

Playing with Partners with Icons or who use canon images in threads, provided they understand I Cannot Do The Same Because All Images Of Aristel Must Be Made By My Own Hand and I Don't Got Time For That Shit.

Playing with partners from Non Batman / DC universes

Playing with chatacters of the wider DC canon, understanding I Will Need To Be Taught About Them

Playing with other OCs

WON'T is HARD NO, do not ask me again unless I bring it up.

For me, this list includes;

Posting a schedule.

RPing NSFW with minors, mun or muse

Unplotted violence or violation

Unplotted cheating

Unplotted lying

Gotcha plots, if we are playing I Am Not Interested In Being Tricked At Any Point. If you're playing a Riddler, we need to be able to talk about the puzzle OOC and HOW Aristel might work within it to figure it out.

Explicit NSFW on Tumblr; when I play Ari sexy in a public venue it is the only interaction I see and I Hate It. You want the steamy stuff you need to demonstraight enough respect for her As A Chatacter before I'm willing to get hot n heavy.

That's the gist, and I'll be making more specfic lists in the future both for Aristel and Synapse.

Once I have Completed General Lists, it'll become part of the blog directory planned for the pinned post

[voidscarredadjudicator]

Hey guys. Sorry for being quiet for a month. Hopping on here to let y'all know that I do still have a pulse. Things have been... fine? I guess? Here's a bit of a wordy update on my situation right now, but the tl;dr is, I'm good, HE is still on hiatus, but I'll get back into the groove soon hopefully. Also happy holidays!

The mysterious and vague 'personal life stuff' is still ongoing, and I really don't know how long it'll be something that I have to deal with. I'm continuing to not elaborate because it is very much a personal life thing, but I can assure you that nobody's dying or anything grim like that.

On an only somewhat related note, my expendable income has shrank dramatically in the past few months, so I've been having to get a lot more stingy with what I spend money on. I'm not poverty stricken; I can still afford rent and bills and groceries and whatnot, I just gotta cut corners where I can so I can actually build up my savings.

What does this mean for Humanity's Endling? Well, it's... still on hiatus, technically. But really it just means I'm picking up more shifts than I'd usually care to, which means less time to actually work on it. If work were being done on it to begin with. I'm also cutting out my NSO subscription, which unfortunately means I will not be playing Splatoon 3 much at all anymore. Granted, I was kinda taking a break from it already, so it's not like I've been getting my money's worth of the subscription anyways. So if you were curious about my absence during this most recent Big Run, or the lack of a lengthy season observation/headcanon post like last time, that is why.

All of that said, it's not like I haven't been writing at all - just been hard focusing what creative juices I'm still able to generate given my situation on the accursed TTRPG I've mentioned in prior rambles, as that's an actively running thing that I kinda need to constantly pump stuff out for.

Speaking of which, I pulled a Super Mario Galaxy and wrote a whole ass children's book for the players to find as a lore thing. It was written with the intention of just being a normal children's book in a bubble, but when viewed with the context of the entire campaign thus far, takes on a completely different meaning. Which is to say, you don't need to know a damn thing about the campaign to appreciate the story - a theory I tested by having two people who aren't players read it.

One almost cried. The other actually cried. And when the players found it in our most recent session, one of them also cried, and we had to take a breather after the fact.

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I feel like that's one hell of an achievement. So I am pretty proud of myself for that. If you guys are interested, I might clean it up a bit and post it either on Ao3 as an original work or just straight onto this tumblr. It's only about 2k words, so it should fit nicely in a single post.

That's all I can really think of to say at the moment. Again, even though I might seem a bit quiet, I am still here. I take a peek at tumblr at least once a day to see if anyone's sent any asks or anything like that, so don't be afraid to toss something into my inbox if you have a question.

Oh, and for the anon who sent an ask suggesting me to upload what I have of Act II done already - I don't exactly plan my stories in a linear fashion, nor do I write them as such either. It's closer to me thinking of the major moments I wanna do, plotting out how to connect them, refining, refining, refining, rearranging, refining, scrap half of what I have done, rearranging, suddenly having an epiphany, scrapping another chunk... yeah, it's a bit chaotic. I see what you're trying to say though, and I do appreciate the suggestion, but it can't really be done with the way I go about writing.

That's it from me. Happy Holidays. Play Cyberpunk 2077. It's a good game, I swear. Or Undertale Yellow if you own a toaster. It's me, I own a toaster. I played Cyberpunk on my brother's computer. Thanks, bro. Love you.

[imbonewary]

Shifting Sans Chapter 1 "Winging It"

I'm finally writing about my Sans oc, Serif; I've already started posting it on Ao3 but I wanted to post it here too so, without further ado, here's the beginning of Serif's story!

Skeleton hand is lightly alter from here

~

Chapter 2

~

*…

*that expression that you're wearing…

*…

*you're really kind of a freak, huh?

*how many times have we fought in this hallway?

*i've lost track.

*that distant look in your eyes…

*you're just going through the motions, too.

*blast, slash, dodge, repeat…

*it's getting a little old, isn't it?

*…

*what if I did something different?

...

... ...

... ... ...

My senses were dim and distant as I slowly regained consciousness.

Resets always made me feel weirdly detached from reality.

Dissociated. 

I wonder if anyone else feels that or if it's just me.

...

It's too bright through my eyelids.

Did Pap turn the light on to try to get me up?

That's not entirely unusual but not for the first day of a new reset.

Weird.

...

I don't wanna get up.

I'm tired of watching him be so excited, only to be disappointed by that "human".

I'm tired of watching him die, helpless to stop it.

I'm tired of breathing in the dust as they shamble through the Underground. 

...

Papyrus expects me to get up, though.

I groaned as I tried to open my eyes but my eyelids felt so heavy.

Everything felt heavy.

Sure, I was always exhausted but this was worse than normal after a reset.

Come on, eyelids, it's time to be awake now.

I groaned again as I expended way too much energy just to open my eyes, only to find my vision blurry at best.

Someone was next to me; I could barely make out a white skull and red scarf.

Papyrus.

He must've gotten worried when I didn't come down.

He's saying something but it's muffled, like he's a mile away.

I need to wake up.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, holding it while I willed my senses to focus on the present. Which also happened to bring a headache to my attention. That's unfortunate.

I forced my eyes open with a drawn-out grunt. There was Pap's worried face, alright, to my... left? The wall was supposed to be to my left, how was Pap on my left? Am I not in my bed? Where am I?

"Pap?" Was that my voice? God, I sound awful. 

"Oh good, you're awake," he said softly. "I was beginning to worry."

Since when could Papyrus speak softly?!

I blinked a few more times in confusion before looking around. I was in the front room, on the couch. That's not normal. I was in bed for the reset, I know I was, I've always woken up in my bed, why am I on the couch?!

"Easy there, buddy," Papyrus tried to sooth, placing a hand on my chest. Oh yeah, I'm hyperventilating now, by the way. "You were out for a while, don't strain yourself too much yet. No one is going to hurt you, I promise."

The calming tone would be nice if it was coming from literally anyone but Papyrus! It just sounded so weird coming from him and it made me uncomfortable. 

"Pap, w-what's going on?" I croaked. My throat hurt so bad. "Why am I here, what happened?"

"We found you half frozen on our doorstep," Papyrus said, holding up his red gloved hands in front of his chest placatingly. "You were in pretty rough shape."

He was wearing a white shirt with black sleeves. 

Where the fuck is his Battle Body?!

The door suddenly opened with a bang and I was flung across the room, held up by magic somewhere over the stairs. This was not helping my panic attack. 

"Papyrus, put me down!" I yelled, flailing against the magic, even though I knew it wouldn't do much. "This is not a good time for japes!"

"I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean to st-tartle you!" Alphys cried, standing next to Papyrus. She was wearing a black dress with a white jacket instead of her usual lab coat. What was Alphys even doing here?! 

"I swear to god, bro, if you do not put me down you're gonna have a bad time!" Fear suddenly turned to aggression as I heard the distinct sound of a Gaster Blaster forming. Shoot, I didn't mean to do that. I heard the sound a few more times and found myself staring at the glowing maw of several blasters directed at me. Meaning they weren't mine.

Meaning Papyrus had summoned them.

How was that possible?! Sure, he had the capacity for it but he didn't know he could, he didn't even know I could! I was so careful! 

"Put me down!" I cried again. How did this escalate so fast?!

”I’m not holding you,” Papyrus said, exasperated. “You’re flying on your own.”

"What are you talking about, I can't fly!" I shot back.

"P-Pap, please put the b-blasters away!” Alphys was pulling on Papyrus’s raised arm. “Th-that's not helping!"

Didn't he promise nobody was gonna hurt me? I was about to say as much when I suddenly caught something red out of the corner of my eye and my head snapped over to it to find... a red wing? And it was attached to me?!

"Wha-!" I suddenly dropped out of the sky with a yelp, tumbled down the stairs, instinctively found my footing, and bolted for the closet under the stairs to finish my panic attack, back pressed against the door as I gasped for breath I technically didn't need. I let it happen, trying to focus on my too quick breaths rather than whatever the hell was going on outside; I could think about it later. Right now, just breathe.

Deep breaths, Sans.

That's it.

Slow it down.

Nice and easy.

I was still panting but at least it was better than before.

Progress.

I could finally register what was in front of me. It was brighter than I expected the closet to be. Roomier, too. And… tiled?

I looked around, finding myself sitting on the floor of a small bathroom with a washer/dryer stack thing between the sink and a bathtub. Since when did we have a bathroom down here? I stood somewhat shakily, leaning against the wall, holding onto the sink for support as I continued to breath heavily. I looked at myself in the mirror. Yup, I definitely had big red wings attached to my back…

… And my bare ribs on full display.

I’ve been naked this whole time.

Ignoring the embarrassed blue heat on my face, I opened the dryer, thankfully finding my clothes inside, nice and warm. Black shorts on, white shirt on, oh wait, what about my about the wings? They don't feel restricted and, looking back at them, they're free as a bird. Heh. But how? I hadn't consciously made holes to accommodate them and I'm pretty sure I would've needed to at least think about the clothing magic to make a change like that. I grabbed my hoodie and headed back to the mirror, watching closely as I threw it on. 

The wings fizzled out of existence for a split second before coalescing again outside of the cloth. Now that I was looking for it, I could feel the rush of the magic as it flowed back into my soul and out again, like taking a deep breath.

Convenient.

But god it felt weird.

So it looks like these wings are connected directly to my soul. Uncomfortable thought but ok. How did this happen? I definitely didn't have them before so what changed-?

Memories of my last fight with the human rushed back to me. We were in the Final Hallway, the Judgement Hall, when I killed them again, but they were right next to me this time so I reached for their soul as it shattered. Time and space had already begun to warp around me so I must've interrupted the LOAD sequence part way through but does that mean... I really absorbed it? Do I have a piece of that genocidal child in the vary core of my being?!

I don't wanna look.

But I have to be sure.

I hesitated, shaky hand over my sternum. What will this mean for me if it's true? Do I have their LV? Their ExP? Their Determination? Control is supposed to be split, isn't it? That's what the Flower said. Back when he was Asriel and absorbed the first human's soul. I don't hear a voice in my head or anything. Maybe I don't have it? But the wings, where else could they have come from? 

No. Stop, Sans. You're spiraling. You won't know until you check, right? So stop stalling and *CHECK.

My soul formed in my cupped hands, floating barely an inch away from my chest. The inverted heart was as bright blue as ever, with the Judge's Star attached to it, as always.

What caught my eye was deep red stain in the center.

The image of a blue heart with a bloodred teardrop burned into my sight as everything else went black.

[lady-phasma]

Regarding that Master ask. I agree with the anon. The Master is adored by whovians. And people defend all their rights and all their lefts. Genocide, murder, abuse, anything. Maybe because the Master has been a villain from the start and people like them as such? While Daemon is supposed to be grey but is portrayed as coal one. And some fans hate him for such inconsistency?...

I'll link the ask here and here's a screenshot:

That ask wasn't sent to me but @theblackqveen directed the anon to ask me if they chose to. They haven't yet but I'll use this opportunity to answer both asks. I hope that's okay with you, anon.

I definitely agree that part of the appeal is The Master has always been a villain and most people love a good villain. I don't grant the premise of the original ask: there are no correlative characters in House of the Dragon. Having said that I'll say that it is unfair to any actor to make them a proxy for their character.

Let's assume that the "baddies" the original ask mentioned included Daemon because of the obvious Doctor Who connection (Matt). I think there are two major problems with this comparison:

Doctor Who has no source material - HotD does, which leads to...

Fans of Doctor Who can start anywhere in the series (I have an ask about this here) and it isn't particularly problematic. With HotD many fans watched because they love ASOIAF and all that encompasses.

So, how does that connect to this ask? Well, The Master has been created entirely by the show runners over the 59 years of the series. Fans have been able to watch The Master/Missy have conflict after conflict and character development that we haven't had time for in HotD. It has only had 10 episodes and has only been off the air for two months!! Additionally, it is natural but unfair to compare an adaptation (faithful or otherwise) to the source material. Yes, I do it too, but it usually results in disappointment for everyone involved.

Whovians are lucky in this regard: we have no source material and canon can shift. Not that I think that HotD is the "little series that could" but, as I have said before, we have more than a dozen characters in less than 600 minutes. Wanna do the math with me on DW? Nope, I don't want to either. Even with companions sharing the spotlight that's a lot of screen time for one character.

Now, Daemon as a morally grey character. That's something that most of the fandom who discuss Daemon at all seem to have the biggest struggle with. Some fans feel that he was more nuanced in the books and others feel like he is more dastardly (I love that word) in the series. Guess what? Of course he was more nuanced in the book - that's generally one of the great things about books. Perhaps that is from where the hate arises. I don't understand hating a fictional character with the energy I see in this fandom. I can't expend that much energy hating a real person (I actually never use the word "hate" in my life because it's a waste of time to hate.)

Maybe one day I'll write a straight-up opinion about tv-Daemon but for now I'll wrap up with this: regardless of what the show runners have chosen to do with the "baddies," or even which characters might be baddies in their plans, we haven't had enough time with any of the aged-up actors yet. If the series does as is planned (3-4 season total I think) then we have time, we can choose to be patient and see where they lead us. Or we can throw in the towel because it hasn't started the way some of us want. Perhaps the biggest disservice to the HotD series is that it has source material that fans can use to backup "should"s and "should not"s.

(Okay I did want to after all because I can't help myself: depending on how they are counted there are approximately 862 episodes, runtimes vary but can be anywhere from 25 mins to 50 mins, for this ridiculous exercise let's say 30 mins - that's 25,860 mins. For comparison Aemond had less than 15 mins on screen in season 1.)

[jamespottersdaisy]

HELLO MY LOVE YOURE BACK I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY EVERYTHING'S BETTER AND YOURE FEELING GOOD ENOUGH TO WRITE <333

how's university going? now you have Christmas to relax a bit maybe? (I don't know if it is celebrated in Turkey as a national holiday but we have Christmas holidays when the first trimester ends)

AND YOU WROTE PART 5 OF DULCET IM SO EXCITED AKAHAAKAJWHJSKSJ. if I have time I'll read it tomorrow but rest assured that I will read it, whatever it takes. I just want to dedicate all my atention to it. and I will tell you everything about how it made me feel and what I think of every single silly little detail.

ughhhh I have so much to tell you. so, this Tuesday was my birthday (one day before Taylor's) and I was sick since Sunday till Wednesday, so I spent the day with fever and in bed, I think I got the flu or something. I couldn't go to school and see my friends and that was kinda sad but overall it wasn't that bad, a lot of people sent me messages wishing me a happy birthday and that was really wholesome and I got to expend a nice day with my parents.

and by the way, if you don't mind me asking, when's your birthday?

I also wanna know your opinion on this, I'm really confused about my feelings towards my guy because I cannot get him out of my head, which is beyond infuriating, but then I don't know if I have love feelings because i don't feel anything physically, so do you think is feelings or infatuation.

how are you and your notcrush???

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN, SENDING KISSES XXXXX

-🌕

HII BABYYY!!! GOD I LOVE YOU.

uni is better, i still have exams to study for and presentations to make, but im definitely better! I'm celebrating Christmas regardless where I'm residing!!!! I mean not religious aspect but the fun aspect (am i bad person? who cares)

I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO READ IT AND TALK ABOUT IT IM SO EXCITED EEEE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY??? I LOVE YOU AND IM SO GLAD YOU WERE BORN!!! I wish all the best for your new age. Sorry to hear that you got sick, hope ur better now!

my birthday is april 9th!

alright so im not the expert, but we have to make sure it's not an obsession first. secondly, how's the situation? how is he towards you? also if he doesn't want a relationship then don't waste your energy in my opinion bc you'll get hurt

oh me and my not crush are good, i often find myself writing silly things for him that he'll never read, but he makes me smile with all the little texts he sends throughout the day. god i miss him

[keefwho]

September 20 - 2023 Wednesday

7:57am

Currently feeling disgusted at myself for my recent behavior. Currently doubting my relationships for imaginary reasons. Currently trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings. Currently stuck in my own head about some things. Currently trying to remember to positively reinforce myself. Currently doubting myself. Currently overthinking small things. Currently feeling doomed like I have nowhere to go.

10:45pm

As usual I'm extremely frustrated with my lack of progress, but I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself. The truth is that there IS progress, it just might not be in the form that I think. Lately it seems I've been distancing from everyone. Literally the only people I talk to right now are 570 and Daisy, and 570 is only through a chat box. On the surface that doesn't sound healthy and it probably isn't. But it's for a good reason I think. I've been evaluating all my relationships lately, present and past. I've been monitoring how I feel around people and noticing patterns with how I socialize. I've determined that most of my "friends" don't build me up. They don't fulfill me. I have to force myself to be around them until I get too tired of it. The honest truth is I fundamentally don't like them or the time I spend with them. So I've stopped because it's not fair to me or them to be fostering what I'm seeing as a fake friendship. They develop and impression that I like them more than I do, and to me they become a chore. I'm stopping that and focusing on social situations I actually enjoy.

This goes deep though because I don't think it's that I don't like the friends I made because we're incompatible. I think my view of other people is severely limiting who I can get along with because I am extremely judgmental. And again it all comes back to how I view myself. If I can't be friends with me then how can I be friends with anyone else? The truth is I can't. I can pretend but deep down my heart is closed off to them. It's horribly lonely to realize this but also liberating because I know what my problem is and that when I fix it, many opportunities will open to me. Even if I can't see it yet.

In the meantime I'm in a very fragile place and I know it. It's why I'm so fearful of my remaining friends losing interest in me. Because it would honestly shatter my life apart. Thats why I know I have to try as hard as I can to encourage self appreciation and a better lifestyle. The hard truth is that troubled people can't sustain healthy relationships, I think. In my case if I don't do anything about myself then I'll keep finding new people to depend on and wear down until they can't take it anymore. Or like I've done in the past, I'll be the one who pushes them away because of my low self worth dictating that I don't deserve them. It's toxic. I exhibit toxic behavior.

Im in a state of trying anything and everything until something sticks. I still want to find a way to better document and organize my thoughts so I can start producing actual habits. To be effective I think I need to find a behavior to focus on and stick to for at least 1 week and keep doing that. I keep having new ideas about things I can try that will twist my perspective for the better. I think the first step to developing a system for this would be to keep trying to stick to my current schedule which I've been great at this week. Getting all my work done and then some under the belief that expending energy is a good thing has been doing wonders for my stability. I feel okay resting after I've worked myself to the bone. And I feel okay turning my attention to other things I can do since I'm not thinking about how much work I didn't do. The truth is I wanna work so that's what I'm doing. If I keep that up then I can see having the appropriate time and energy to better plot a mental course.

Anyways time to write about my day, for the sake of trying to see myself more as a living breathing person. It's supposed to help me get a little perspective.

This morning I made left over rice a roni for breakfast. I also had a tiny ice cream cone with my coffee and I always love when I can do that. Again I didn't quite feel like streaming and as usual it was a good thing that I did. The animal color study today sucked but I got this horrible edit done without the guy complaining and nearly finished the next YCH.

For cleaning today I polished up this old mirror I won as a kid and hung it next to the front door. It's a little low but there isn't really a better place for it except maybe the door? I also put my clean clothes away and reorganized my underwear basket so it's nice and tidy. Also threw out very worn pairs of undies that I kept just in case I really needed them which sometimes I did. But now I got a bunch new boxer briefs. After cleaning I barely had enough time to start splitting logs as today's workout.

Lunch was half a totino's pizza and some homemade oatmeal. Because of the cooking/eating time and some lolligagging, I was late to my afternoon work by a little bit. I'm beginning to get frustrated with myself, I strongly wish to be more on time. I also watched a video about social media use and creativity which got me thinking a bit.

During afternoon work I hung out in Egg's server for the first time and she showed up pretty quick. We chatted a little while watching an Adventure Time timeline video and a Steven Universe video. I sort of wish I hadn't joined the VC because of the thing mentioned earlier. I don't think I was quite ready to truly honor their company and was moreso using them as a distraction/void filler which is not fair. After work was finished up and took a small break before working on Daisy's avatar again. I got into a flow of sorts and was working on it without music or anything. She called halfway through that and watched me finish it while she worked on her fursuit. When I was done I intentionally sat down to just enjoy my time with her while she talked about her fursuit making. We hopped into VRchat afterwards, world hopping and finding this cute little African vacation world by this old guy. We also have an emotional moment when I took her to my most recent world.

Sometimes my self hatred is valid. For instance I'm not proud of the way I've been acting with Daisy lately. Like everyone else she falls victim to my toxic behaviors. Without thinking about it I end up using her for validation. I think about her way too much, usually because instead of using my energy to grow myself and discover my values, I rely on her to fill this void of mine. A void that is endless. My true affection for her goes deep, I cannot deny that. It's why I'm so concerned about correcting this recent behavior. I don't want to get whatever is going on between us all twisted. I think what we have is beautiful and healthy. I just have the tendency to hyperfocus on something and lose perspective on it.

I know the key to being happy with her is making sure I stay my own person. Making sure I'm giving out of affection and not fear of abandonment. Making sure I keep my voicing myself. Making sure I remember our past.

I mustn't forget that many of the things that plague me come from within me and it's my job to take care of it. And I will. Obviously for myself but also for treasured people like Daisy. I will utilize any motivation I can get.

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

I'm just starting to bite into a new story but... It's a lazy, breezy day here. It reminds me very much of how I used to pass afternoons like this, playing with little collectibles and watching Hobby Shounen. I still have a bit of a guilty pleasure for it, sometimes I'll look through old trading cards and imagine little stories about who would have such a deck. Or lose time playing Custom Robo. So I wanna talk about my passion in passing a bit.

Hobby Shounen. I don't think anyone but me uses the term but I'm pretty sure everyone knows it. It's Yu-Gi-Oh. It's ostensibly Pokemon, definitely early Digimon. It's Battle Network and the aforementioned Custom Robo. Also LBX if you're particularly after little fighting robots. We also know the ridiculous conceit where it seems like the entire world is built around this strange children's hobby and no one bats an eye at it.

It's a very pure sort of world, I guess a part of me still appreciates it all. After all, what is more innocent than a child who believes they can change the world with their favorite toy? It's a little delightful like, of course the bad guys run away when you beat up their little toys. That's how the world works for the wee ones. It's a setting where their most beloved hobby is respected and their practice pays off with real standing and mutual respect with their peers.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really see Hobby Shounen as a soulless way to sell to children, not when it expends so much effort making the kinds of worlds many kids dream of. I mean, yes, above the writers is a soulless, capitalistic mega-giant that pumps out figures and grabs up money everywhere it can. And sells the accessories separately, of course. But when you look at the writing itself it's almost against the entire institution. Take my hand, lemme show you what I mean.

In Hobby Shounen, the main character usually isn't well-off, all of their love for... (I don't know, "Tiny Fighters" to make up a name for an example series) is in how it brings people together or the skill of the pilots. Their Tiny Fighter is usually special, customized or made by a loving parent who enjoys their child's pastime as much as they do. It's the exact opposite of the mass-marketed best models. It's special, personal. In fact, there is usually a rich kid somewhere in the series who will pontificate endlessly about the power of money. And they never win, not for long anyway. Their Tiny Fighters are good but their own love of the game is rotted through. Seems like you would want the rich kid to be an almost-insurmountable threat you can only overcome with the latest hot piece of gear.

Inevitably, I guess this wins out. The hero's Tiny Fighter must evolve and look ever-cooler. The soulless puppeteers from on-high demand it, but contextualized in the story, the best Hobby Shounen use new forms as signs of development. Their old Tiny Fighter is destroyed and they must rebuild from the ground up and it serves as a metaphor for winning back their own fighting spirit to try again. Cross-techniques with friends and rivals are common because it shows how much these fellow hobbyists mean to one another. And I'm just a sucker for it.

I think, by-and-large, I just enjoy my visits away from... how would you call it? The more adult stories, I suppose. I get a ton of enjoyment out of them, just look at my livereads where I literally cannot help but gush about what I've read. But every so often I think I appreciate something so... genuinely and unapologetically silly. Like yeah, sure, let's save the world with our toy robot for an afternoon. Sometimes I forget how to and need a reminder.

[skypancake]

fall 22 + why i started this blog

it’s a bittersweet time as the semester comes to an end, the profs i didn’t like i’m happy i don’t have to do any more work for them, but on the other hand the ones i do like i don’t get to be in their class anymore ;-; or i suppose i could take their class again, but it doesn’t really make sense to, you know? one of my profs is retiring, and preferred we write good things about her on rmp lol

next semester should be interesting, 15 units, i’m taking physics, psych, history, and comp sci. i wasn’t able to get them all online like i’d wanted to, so i’ll have to expend some gas, but maybe i’ll actually see some friends more often now that i’m on campus. should i get a board? i don’t know how much sense it makes considering i’m not on campus all day, i’d probably wanna get new shoes too, then, considering i feel i should know at least some tricks, and i don’t wanna tear my canvas shoes as is

i think my parents think that by pursuing a cs major i’ve an innate interest in the subject, which isn’t necessarily true. i mean, i don’t hate it, but i don’t have a passion for this craft, either. my actual goal career-wise is to own a/multiple successful business(es), and i’m told comp sci is a useful skill across many disciplines, while you’ll learn more by actually doing business than looking at it from an outside perspective, possibly the instructor being a dinosaur who doesn’t know a thing about what they’re teaching. but yeah, my mum pulled me over and showed me the microsoft teams and other shit she was doing, i think she and my dad are trying to set up my mind into the idea that i’ll be working for someone else my entire life, a pitfall i’m doing my best not to fall into. if money’s tight i’ll give in to the traditional system, but my time is mine. i own it, and i’d rather not sell it to somebody else

i made a topic change for my final essay in english 10 days before the semester’s ending, but seeing as i got more research done in 3 hours compared to less in 4 with my other topic it should hopefully be that much better, i guess this topic just speaks to me more. one of the other ideas was based on bo burnham’s “welcome to the internet” delving into how the internet has changed people, but that might be too broad/specific a topic considering i couldn’t find anything about that specifically (like comparing the 80s-90s to now), though i might’ve also just been using the wrong keywords. another i just thought of was how negative the american news is, don lemon looks like he’s dying, and all these awful stories combined with the negativity bias and availability heuristic can make taint the image of the world in someone’s eyes, this is an idea stolen from jarvis johnson, i don’t remember which video. unrelated, but he also mentions at some point while giving advice to somebody (about relationships?), to not be burdened with the present or past if things went south, because something way better could be right around the corner. i also couldn’t find which video this was

another one of my profs is the whole reason i started this blog, she had a survey at he end of every week asking how we were doing and the like, which i absolutely poured my heart into with thoughts and stories, and her compliment of they being engaging and such inspired me to possibly put these things out there for more people to see. whether they do or don’t is fine, i write these things in a google doc for myself anyway

i am wondering how to publish things like poetry or short stories though, is tumblr the right platform to do that? i would assume the platform itself matters somewhat, idk 

[ivesambrose]

Pick a door you'd wanna open or knock on or maybe a door feels familar to you but you can't figure out why?

Just know that you're the key here :)

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com

1. The path to a distant potential. Something you cannot see yet but it exists in the future. Either you choose to let it slip by waiting for the perfect timing or declare that your time starts now.

You need to release something before. Going with the flow of things will not work for this. A change in lifestyle is called for, less wishing and more doing. To cut out any laziness or envy. Do not confuse rest with laziness, you need to identify how and where you're expending your energy.

Take a breather and rest now, because soon you'll be carrying a bit of necessary luggage of your hard work and dedication. But you'll be successful.

There's money and fame involved but also joy after, not sitting with your pile of cash being confused about what's next, no. Its about feeling secure, happy and sharing the same with those you have been rooting for you.

Another thing, very few root for you. Recognize the ones that do.

Deep down, you know what this is about. You know your vision you know your goal but you keep yourself from believing in what you have assumed to be impossible. It's time to change that.

Key dates: Leo season & aquarius season.

2. Path to festivities, freedom from bad luck and towards healing.

Life hasn't been kind to you it seems. It's been a little too unfair, you've had a hard time trusting and for some of you this could have to do with your family or family secrets.

You're gaining confidence however, a new sense of self, becoming a bit more badass day by day? It seems as though you have become a little more persistent in your goals. You've been unhappy for so long you want it all, complete 'dancing around the maypole and becoming the May Queen' joy. You'll have it. You'll have new friends too. You might even meet your online friends in real life soon.

Use your voice or writing + communicating skills (even editing, graphics, art & music included). You'll be inspiring people a lot or be recognized for these skills.

Things can come to you sooner than you expect, keep the bigger picture in mind the middle will be taken care of. It'll be better than you imagined.

Key dates: ending of Aries season & scorpio season.

3. Path to confidence, beauty and a faithful new connection.

You've realized you can no longer dupe yourself into settling for less and if you haven't already you will soon (it might just come in hard.)

Have faith in your ability. Whatever this one ability is which you receive praise for but have a hard time believing. Regardless of anything, have full confidence in it.

Music will play a crucial role in your path. Either you're very intuned with it, create it or find solace or guidance through it.

Something has run its course, let it die. Its time.

Endings, however painful leads you to the path ahead of you. Remember that fortune favours the bold. You'll be growing financially, be around nature, be travelling (safety protocols included) soon.

The connection coming in is something you're aware of but may be putting up guards against or you'll be doing your own soul searching or just busy with something mundane as heck when it beams right it front of you. It's something you desire, so don't worry.

Your visualization and declaration game is strong, utilize it for everything.

Key dates: Leo & virgo season

[space-blue]

What’s one writing weakness you want to work on?

From your ask game~

That's a great question. Fanfic is something that has both solved an issue I had and created a new one.

OK whatever, story time. Buckle up, it's TMI time.

I basically came to writing in a very wild fever dream time of my life. I was going fucking insane in Australia being worked to the bone for no wage by a cuckoo lady working in horse training. I read the Black Dagger Brotherhood, like 6 of the books back to back (I wasn't doing well, mentally, ya know). I had Interstellar (yes the film) still in the back of my mind. It was a very impactful film for me, and I wanted to tell stories that would make a difference for people. Give to someone even 1/10 the emotions I'd gone through with that film. So I sat down and in my crazed moment of bush life slavery, I penned down 15k of a completely useless first draft for my big epic novel.

It's a post-apocalyptic solar punk story about a minuscule community of immortal beings. I STILL think it's a great story idea and world, maybe I can go back to it when I'm more mature as a writer xD

ANYWAY I moved to a different job (better and worse at the same time, still in horse training), read The Collector by Fowles and basically broke in hives, that book was so insane. Like, I couldn't get into The Exorcist because The Collector was still on my mind! Urgh. I was on a roller coaster and losing my grip on reality, shovelling horse shit while listening to Benedict Cumberbatch reading Kafka's Metamorphosis on repeat… (that's right baby, that's how yours truly got into writing. Mental breakdown, Cumberbatch and lots of horse shit) and in an attempt to rescue my fraying sanity, I joined a forum of sci-fi and fantasy writers!

They were a super lovely community and they don't know they basically kept my mind together. But one of them pointed out they do a monthly writing short story competition. Original SFF works, 1.5k words max. I didn't know if I could even do short stories, I was so new! But then an idea manifested while shovelling more shit, and I wrote my first short story in one sitting, while heating tatter tots on a camping stove. Ah, to be young again.

So yeah, that was a big event. I abandoned my crazy novel and got deep into that monthly competition for about 6 years straight!!! I became great at coming up with a concept for a short story, and I think despite my recent tendency to write much longer chapters, I still keep a lean prose from those days.

And yet, this amazing monthly competition robbed me of every last bit of confidence that I could pull off a multi chapter story. My early fugue state was gone. With some experience now under my belt, I tried to return to my draft, digitised a lot of it… And never managed to even wrap up a complete first chapter, let alone get started on the second one!

Time and time again I'd love a short story I wrote for a month, begin to expend ~15k of extra scenes and snippets and notes… and give it up. I wasn't managing my pantser nature well. Each time I planned a story out I lost interest.

So for the longest time I thought I was doomed. Then I started writing fanfic in 2020, and the words just… came out. Each chapter was serial, written like its own short story, with no idea what would come next. And it worked!

Sadly, I have yet to finish either of my (65k and 80k) long fics (and I will, soon, for the Arcane one!!!) but the fact I got so far at all was amazing to me.

My longest completed story is an honourable 28k!

So yass, I broke the spell! But I still want to write long stories of my own. I want to write about my immortals in their solar punk world. I want to write my two women crossing the border between realms shaped by their respective deities. I want to write about a war in our solar system that has led to the creation and use of homunculus, and how humans struggle with them, a la Blade Runner/Westworld. I wanna write about Death-Eyes Lone, who has the shitty super power of being able to blink into the eyesight/PoV of dead people around her. I want to finish that short story about a dude who wakes up every morning with a new and different phobia, and has to save a friend on the day he has a phobia of doors.

And I find that I still am not quite there. I still struggle with writing material. And even if I could finish an 80k+ fanfic, it doesn't mean this could translate to my own fiction.

Fanfic has seriously addicted me to reader feedback. Some chapters, I was only going on strong because people were excited for the content. Some fics I abandoned because nobody seemed to care. I've gotten so much better and written SO MUCH more than I normally do, since I joined AO3. But not original fiction.

I know I have to get better at going multi chapter and then going BACK on my work, edit knowing what's to come now that the work is finished. This isn't something I ever need to do, or is practical at all, on AO3. I do go back to my old fics and fic the formatting, typo, and spruce up my prose… But in a real novel, getting to the end would be getting to the end of FIRST DRAFT, and I find this terrifying, given how incapable of caring for finished works my mind is.

TL;DR : I need to work on writing even if I don't feel like it. Returning to works for which the spark is gone, and being more diligent and studious in the way I complete them.

I'm afraid I won't manage tbh, and I sometimes gets in a funk over the lack of apparent control I have over my writer brain. I envy people who are driven. Even driven to obsession. People who can focus on a work for however many years it takes to shape it up and get it out. People for whom jobs and hobbies are no-brainers because they latch on and never let go.

I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, when it comes to hobbies, and in a weird way it also applies to my fleeting interest for stories. I don't like it and want to work on improving it.

From these asks!

[bokutoslittlebird]

Request : hi bb chan can i request for miya twins competing who will impregnate their little first? whos going to have a first child with their beloved little sister whos too innocent to know that her brothers are trying to impregnate her and theyre not giving her pills but a vitamins so you wont let them wear a condom and sincce you like to be bred by them so fucking bad you trust them so much until you got pregnant. if you’re busy please feel free to ignore this, thank you ☺️

Ima just let y’all know that if it involves incest I’m probably gonna write it just because I love writing onii-san stuff (and onee-san) and breeding? Fucking fire my dudes and dudettes. Also I realized I wrote something similar to this??? The miya twins with their 19 yr virgin sister drabble

Includes : incest, creampie(s), breeding, forced pregnancy, dubcon/noncon, unprotected sex, miya madness, deceiving onii-sans, drugs, feederism, cum-eating (implied), use of the word “cunny”, Atsumu uses the nickname “bunny”

Naïveté

The special tea Atsumu gave you was delicious, warm in your belly. It was supposed to relax you, easing the stress out of your muscles as he rubbed the soreness away. A soft moan and a lean into his touch had his massage turning into a different direction. With his hand down your panties, the empty cup was forgotten, slipping from your hands as you favored gripping his toned arm as you sunk into his chest. Your whines were drowned out by his deep rumble of laughter.

“Yer wound so tight, somethin’ the matter?” His voice was like silk, melting away any stress you had left. You whine again, feeling his fingers rub that special spot inside your cunny.

“It’s nothin’, really,” you gasp out, your other hand gripping the arm around your waist.

“Oh? Don’t wanna tell nii-san, is that it?” His growl in your ear has your walls clamping down on his fingers, but he removes them before you can have release. A whine comes as you squirm in his hold. Hot breaths against your ear are al you get, but you know what he wants. He wants the truth.

“It’s just... is this wrong? It feels wrong when you and ‘Samu-nii touch me..” you voice your concern. It didn’t feel wrong, but you were forbidden from telling anyone, including your parents. Both of your brothers said they’d never touch you again if you told anyone. Like it was a bad thing.

“Of course not, bunny. It’s not wrong to feel good,” he murmurs into your ear, his fingers sliding back into your warm heat. You sigh at the feeling, back arching as your orgasm builds up again. “As long as you take your medicines, you’ll be fine,” he murmurs once more, his eyes focused on the hand inside your panties. When your walls tighten again, he doesn’t pull out. Releasing all over his fingers, you find yourself much more at ease than before.

Only a moment to relax before you find your face pushed into the pillows, Atsumu’s hand planted on the back of your head to keep you down. The panties are ripped off, exposing your glistening cunny folds to the air of the room. Your room was always kept slightly chilly since your onii-sans kept you warmed up every night. A thick thumb flicked at your clit, eliciting a whine from your throat before you were spanked.

“Don’t be impatient. You’ll get what you want in a minute, don’t worry,” Atsumu coos, hand rubbing an apology where he spanked you. After a few seconds of clothing shuffling around, you felt his tip nudging your entrance. Swiftly, he slid into your wet cunt and had to stop halfway. You always needed to adjust the first time of the night. Wiggling your hips had him pinching your hip, getting a giggle of you before he started to thrust.

Atsumu’s hand kept you firmly planted against the pillows, pistoning his cock into your cunny with sloppy, wet noises bouncing around the room. Your hands were bunching the fabric below you, mouth open in a never ending moan as your walls tightened around Atsumu. A chuckle left his chest, amping up the pace as you released your essence all over him. He wouldn’t stop until he had his own release, though. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t see how much he got out of you.

With his balls slapping against your clit, he didn’t need to rub his fingers against the little bud. The added pressure had you coming undone once more, a silent scream from you as your eyes roll back, toes curling with your last orgasm. Atsumu grunts and buried himself to the hilt, spilling inside your warm cunt. Once he’s finished expending himself into you, gentle kisses press into your sweaty back as you come down from your high.

“Think we got-“ a knock interrupts him, a sigh as he finishes. “Time. I guess not, see ya later, bunny,”

“M’kay,” you moan, feeling him slip out of you. Had it not been for Osamu on the other side of the door, Atsumu would’ve stayed to push his cum back into you. Another sigh leaves his lips as he tucks himself away, opening the door to be greeted to the sight of Osamu with a plate of food.

“All yours,”

“Took up an entire hour, ‘Tsumu,” Osamu blatantly states. Atsumu growls at that, full well knowing he spent that hour pleasing you and making you comfortable. Seems like it might be Osamu’s lucky day.

“Shut up. She drank some tea,” he mutters in response, leaving Osamu to have his fill of you. He’ll just rest before Osamu’s hour is up.

Osamu shrugs in response to Atsumu’s attitude, entering your room and shutting the door. Your tear filled eyes gaze up at him, glazed over as you wait. “Flip over. It’s time for your snack,”

“Snack?” You tilt your head, owlish eyes looking at him as he shows you the plate of onigiri. You excitedly start to dig into one, finding it’s a bit saltier than usual although it is still delicious. Osamu encourages you to eat more, shoving another rice ball into your mouth once the first one is gone. You greedily eat it up, feeling his cock rubbing between your folds as it collects the mixture of yours and Atsumu’s cum. “‘Sa-‘Samu,”

“You gotta keep eating if you want my cock, you know that,” he flicks your clit with his thumb, your legs twitching at the stimulation. He grins at that, knowing you’re sensitive. You finish off the onigiri, feeling his cock slip inside seconds later. “Good girl, eat all of it,” he presses another one to your lips.

“I’m not hungry, ‘Samu-nii,” you moan out, his hips rolling as he slowly thrusts into you. It has you quickly feeling your orgasm rise, the feeling of his cock stretching you out and pumping Atsumu’s cum further into you.

“If you don’t eat it all, you won’t get to cum,” he says. You immediately continue eating, the threat of no release much worse than multiple ones. He grins again at that, picking up his pace as you moan around the food in your mouth.

When you finally finish the onigiri, you feel so full and stuffed. When he notices, he grabs the back of your knees and pushes them to your chest, making it hard to breathe. “Nii-san!”

“You gotta be good for me, yeah? Be good for nii-san and take all of it,” he grunts, the sound of his balls slapping against your ass loud as you cream around him, back arching. Your lungs burn from going into overdrive and your legs burn from the stretch, but your cunny stings from the heavy and sharp thrusts of Osamu’s hips into it. It isn’t until he starts rubbing your clit do you know he’s close to release, his groaning getting louder as he stutters his hips, thick ropes of cum oozing into you and spurting out, dripping from your plugged up hole.

Breathless moans leave both of your lips, Osamu diving to give you a passionate kiss as you wrap your arms around him. Your night isn’t over, but he’ll let you rest.

The next morning, you always take a pregnancy test. Just in case your special pills don’t work. Atsumu told you they prevent pregnancy, that’s why you let them release inside. Even so, they want you to take a test in case. It always shows negative, a relief on your part while your nii-sans seem tense. When the test shows positive, your tears are enough to show them something’s different.

“Well, I guess it’s time to see whose it is. The unlucky one can get a try next time,” Atsumu chuckles, turning the blood in your veins cold.

What does he mean?