#WOULD NOT RECOMMEND TO ANYONE WHO EVER WANTS TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE EVER

[riiviir]

hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!

[satorusugurugurl]

My Wedding Date is an Escort!

Summary: When invited to your best friend's wedding, you panic. One of the groomsmen, Toji Fushiguro, is your ex-fiancè. Not wanting to deal with probing questions and the embarrassment of being single, your friend Haibara recommends using an Escort! Taking a leap of faith, you book one, the hottest one. Gojo Satoru is hot, sweet, and funny! The package deal! Men and Women pay thousands to go on a date with him (even more, which he doesn't do often). So when your request comes in, the desperation and pleading tone of your voice. Gojo’s heartthrobs, even more so when you tell him you don't want to have sex.

Pairing: Escort!Gojo x FAB Reader

Word Count: 3,682

Warning: Mentions of depression, anxiety, language

A/N: And so part one is complete!! Please let me know what you think! I plan on posting a new part every Saturday! In the mean time I will work on my brain worm fics/requests!!

Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Gold calligraphy mocked you as you stared at the wedding invitation on your table. Any normal person would have been elated over their best friend getting married. The dresses, cake, looking at venues! It should have been a happy, wonderful time.

And it would have been amazing if your best friend had met her fiance through anyone other than Toji Zenin. Your ex-fiance, the man who broke your heart, who was also the groomsman at the wedding! The same wedding you were a bridesmaid in.

Life fucking hated you.

Your break up was a year and a half ago. It was tucking painful, watching the life and future you had imagined slip away. You were inconsolable for the first few months, but any other person would feel the same if their fiance broke up with them the way Toji had done to you. Part of you liked to think you were getting better; you knew you weren't healed completely.

The closer the wedding came, the more nervous and sick you got. In a month, you would have to face Toji for the first time in over a year. He was doing much better off than you. He got married! He was now Toji Fushiguro and he and his wife had a son!

Fate was a cruel bitch. He was living his dreams: a house, a pretty wife, a sweet, beautiful son. Toji got everything he wanted while you sunk into the darkness of despair. Toji had ruined you, marked you in ways you weren't sure you'd ever heal from. You never wanted to be hurt like that again. That's why you were single.

Single and traumatized. Perfect intro on your dating profile. So yeah, dating wasn't your thing right now.

Which puts you in a messy fucking predicament. You would be at a wedding with your Ex, who was living the life you had always wanted. Why was he given happily ever after while you were left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart? You could already see the pitiful expressions that your loved ones would be wearing, and that made your skin crawl with anxiety.

You could not show up to the wedding alone.

Which is why you were sitting in your kitchen, drowning in anxiety. You stared at your laptop, bouncing your leg nervously as you scrolled on Escorts4y0u.com. Damn, Yu Haibara, for suggesting this to you. You were shopping for a fuckin’ escort!?

You shot his insane suggestion down as soon as he said it. You had begun ranting about how even more embarrassing it would be if your family found out. First, your fiance leaves you a month before your wedding. Then you go and pay for someone to pretend to be your boyfriend all because you couldn’t bear yourself to start dating again?

Amid your nervous rant, Haibara just put his hand on yours. He assured you that no one would know that they were an escort. If they were good at their job, all your family would see was a happy couple. They would be someone to go to the wedding with, and once you paid them, you would never see them again! No one would be the wiser.

“It's their job to make you feel good and help you have a good time. And you deserve to be happy.” Haibara had said with pity in his eyes. Just thinking about his face, that expression, made you cringe to think of the faces of everyone at the wedding.

“Fuck it.” You cursed, clicking on the escort you liked the most.

Gojo Satoru, twenty-eight years old. His profile listed that he was well-educated and came from a prestigious clan. He was charismatic, confident, and kind. You read dozens of reviews. His previous clients gushed over him. All five stars, every single person he’d helped was grateful for him. Plus, Gojo was very attractive. He had pure white hair, was over six feet tall, and had the most stunning blue eyes you'd ever seen. He was the ideal partner anyone would want to take home to meet the family.

Which would explain why he was the most expensive escort on the website.

“¥120,000 for a day!?” You screeched as you bounced your leg faster, doing the mental math in your head. “That’s ¥900,000.00 for a week.” The mere amount of money you were about to spend almost had you slamming your laptop shut. But Haibara’s face crossed your mind; Toji’s face began to form before you shook your head.

Hiring Gojo was your only option. You had to do this to avoid getting hurt again. Plus, you had to use the deposit from your honeymoon eventually. It would be like burying the past!

“Okay, okay, you got this; just book it Y/N!” Getting up, you jumped up and down to hype yourself up before you hit the green phone icon and dialed the number. The phone rang once and twice.

“This is Gojo!” A gruff but cheery voice answered.

You’re sure your soul left your body as you squealed in shock. He answered!? The man you were going not only to pay but also beg to pretend to be your boyfriend?!

“Hello?” A faint hint of humor and curiosity laced the voice in your ear.

You groaned, rubbing your hand down your face with a whine. “S-Sorry, I was expecting a receptionist for something.” You put the phone on speaker before hitting your head against your table.

“Oh! My bad, sorry!” His chuckle was a deep noise through the receiver. “We put our business numbers on the site. It’s just easier for us to schedule our clients like this.” He hummed. “I assume you’re on the escort website?”

“Yes, I—I was wondering if you might be free next month for a wedding? It’s my best friend.”

“Give me a sec.” Shuffling papers filled your anxiety. “A month from today?”

“Yes.”

Gojo hummed happily, “I am free that whole week! So will it be the wedding and reception?” A pen could be heard writing down notes.

”So it’s uhm, it’s a destination wedding. It’s in Kyoto, and I need you for the whole week. If that’s not an issue or problem.”

”Okay, that shouldn’t be an issue. It’s far enough out that I can block my schedule.” He whistled happily, jotting down more notes. “So the whole week, wedding, reception—“

For some odd reason, it sounded like he was hesitating or weighing his options, questioning if he wanted to even take you on as a client. The growing fear of rejection spreads like wildfire through your stomach. You never used to feel like this; you were so happy and confident before. But after everything Toji did, what he said to you after you had—well, it left some really deep scars that still hadn’t healed. When your mind picked at those still healing wounds, making them bleed, you acted before thinking.

”I have the money!” Gripping the table's edge, you stared at Gojo’s headshot on the website. “Please, I need this!”

“Hey, hey! I’m not worried about the money, sweetheart.” His voice was thick like honey; the pet name sounded so sweet. “I’m just making sure I got everything down.” On the other line, Gojo looked down at his calendar. There was something in your voice, desperation, that was genuine.

He’d had tons of clients, and many of them needed help. But in his two years of working in this field, he had never heard such a raw plea for help. Gojo’s interest peaked. Just who were you? What made you so anxious and desperate for his help?

”Let me confirm the details so I can put you in my books, Ms.?” He waited for your name, hearing you sigh in relief as you calmed yourself down

”Y/N, my name is Y/N Y/L/N.”

”Y/N,” Gojo repeated, “Okay, I have you down for next month, the whole week, for a destination wedding in Kyoto.”

You were sighing happily as you relaxed into your chair. “Thank you. It’s 900,000.00. For the whole week?” Gojo cocked an eyebrow, grinning at your straightforward attitude.

”Depends, will food and hotel be included?”

“Yes, we’ll be staying at my parents' inn; they offered to host my friend's wedding. So food, money, and accommodations will be included. Plus, I’ll take care of your travel expenses.”

Gojo turned in his desk chair, biting his lip as he listened to your stern voice. “Okay, so it’s going to be ¥600,000. A lot of the cost goes to food and hotels. Since you’re taking care of it, you get a lovely discount, sweetheart.” A scoff sounded from his phone, making him smile even wider.

”Great, lucky me.”

Gojo bit his lip, chuckling. “Did you want any other additions?”

“If you’re asking if I want to include your other services, no. I don’t need sex.”

“Don’t need sex?” He perked up as Suguru, his roommate, peeked in, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Seriously?”

You gave the phone a confused look as if you were looking at Gojo yourself. “Yes, I’m dead serious.” The line went utterly silent before rich, stunned laughter filled your kitchen.

”Well shit, that’s a first!”

”Glad I could keep you on your toes, Gojo.”

”Nope.”

You blinked. “No, what?” Gojo snickered as you picked up your phone heading into your room.

”I’m going to be your boyfriend. You have a month, one month, to get used to saying my first name.” The seriousness of his tone made you stop in your tracks. “So it’s Satoru to you, Y/N.”

With a blush dusting your cheeks, you giggled, shaking your head. “Alright, that makes sense. Thank you, Satoru.”

”You’re welcome, Y/N. I’ll see you in a month.”

In one month, you were ¥600,000 poorer, and your nerves were shot as you searched for your fake boyfriend at the train station coffee shop. In the last month, you had spoken to Goj—Satoru twice over the. Once to book his services and yesterday to discuss where you were meeting. His company took care of everything else.

It was still surreal that you hired an escort to be your date, and you were waiting for a stranger at a coffee shop. This wasn't like you; it was so unbelievable. You sipped your coffee, looking around anxiously.

It was like a Greek God walked in. He was tall, like his profile said, over six-three. Dark sunglasses covered his eyes as his white fluffy hair bounced with every step. Straightening, you hesitated before lifting your hand and waving at your fake boyfriend. Seeing your arm raised, Gojo grinned, bounding forward as he pulled his sunglasses off.

“Hi! Are you Y/N?” You stood, swallowing as he still towered over you. God, he was dressed nice, all designer brand clothes. Which wasn't surprising with the amount of money you dropped to spend a week with him.

“Yes, I'm Y/L/N Y/N.” You handed him a cup of coffee that he took before sitting at the table. “Thank you again for doing this.”

Gojo grabbed six sugar packets, ripped them open, and poured all of them into his coffee. “Oh, you're welcome! I love seeing people happy.” Your eyes followed his hands as he poured cream into the coffee. “So, what's our story? That way, we're on the same page.” You couldn't help but smile as he sipped the sugary coffee with a grin.

“You have a sweet tooth?” Gojo hummed, taking another drink. “Maybe I'll make you something at the inn; I'm a pastry chef.” Gojo’s eyes went wide as you ran your fingers over the lid of your cup. “That’s a good story, we met at the bakery I wor—”

“You're a pastry chef?!” Gojo’s eyes sparkled. “Seriously?! What shop?!”

“Uhm, I work at Ichigo Cafe? It's in downtown Tokyo.”

“I love that place! The mochi there is the best!” His words had your cheeks burning your cheeks. “The cakes, the ice cream! Hell, the coffee is good too.”

You twirl your thumbs together. “Thank you, as the head chef, that makes me happy.” Satoru sat back, smiling sweetly. “So I uhm, yeah, that's a good story.”

“Yeah, it does. How long have we been together?”

The two of you settled on five months. That way, it was still pretty new. The whole time, Satoru nodded and added to your cover story. Thank god he was easy to talk to, putting your nerves at ear by the time your coffee was finished. Together, you were optimistic that you and Satoru could get through this week without a hiccup.

You both settled in on the train, getting to know each other more like favorite colors, foods, likes, and dislikes. Satoru didn't drink, had a major sweet tooth, and did his escorting gig full-time. He lived with his roommate and best friend, Geto Suguru, and he had a lot of free time.

You told him everything about yourself: likes, dislikes, favorite color, hell, even your blood type. But as the conversation began to dwindle, Satoru tilted his head. Sure, all that stuff was good now for the coming week, but he wanted to know more. Like why you hired him and why you ‘don’t do sex.’ That question had plagued his mind for the last month.

“Can I ask why you hired me?” His question had your head snapping up. “I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you've been tense since we got on the train. There's more to this than just wanting a date to a wedding.”

“Uhh, is that obvious? I'm sorry. It's just my ex-fiance is at the wedding party with me.” Satoru paid close attention to how your eyes darkened as you looked out the window. “Our breakup was a shock since it happened a month before our wedding. So, I have all these trust issues, and I don't want to date anyone. Because it's easier not to get hurt if you don't put yourself out there.”

“Why did he break up with you?”

“Why didn't he?” The tone of your voice and words had Satoru peeking up. Not in curiosity but surprisingly in anger. Satoru had seen a lot of women and men in his days as an escort. Many are desperate, lonely, and want to have a good time. But whoever had broken your heart had hurt. You in more ways than one. “There were a lot of things that he uhm—listed off.”

You quickly changed the subject, much too fast for Satoru’s liking. But he wasn’t the type to pry, especially when it came to the feelings and comfort of his clients. So he let you change the subject. And the rest of the train ride to Kyoto, even up to your family's inn, the subject stayed clear of your ex. It was bad enough you’d be seeing him soon; you would much rather not talk about him before you saw his face.

You stood in front of the door to your family's inn. Satoru grabbed your hand, his fingers interlacing with yours as you took a deep breath. “Hey, we got this.” God, you hoped Satoru was right; this had to go perfectly.

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you stepped inside. The laughter and distant conversations echoed off the halls as wedding guests conversed and chatted while wandering around. You spotted your mother carrying a tray. She took one glance at you before looking away.

”Oh, Y/N darling, good you’re here. Whenever you get a chance, could you help me make some treats for afternoon tea? Everyone is instant with trying those matcha cookies you made last year.” After years of helping out, in the end, your body began to move on muscle memory, but Satoru stopped you, pulling you into his side with a grin.

“Hey, don’t just up and leave me. At least introduce me to your family first, sweetheart.” The bustling, noisy chatter around you stopped as your family and friends just seemed to notice the giant man standing beside you. His arm wrapped around your waist as he leaned down to kiss your temple. “My poor sweet girl is already in work mode. I thought this was supposed to be a vacation.”

”Right, of course, I’m sorry, Satoru. Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Gojo Satoru.”

”Eh!?”

Those sad, pitful reactions you had been so familiar with over the last year and a half were nowhere to be found on the faces of your loved ones. They were faces of shock, curiosity, and joy. A much better reaction, one that had you letting out a shaky breath you had no idea you were holding in. As you basked in relief, dark eyes watched the two of you, reading you.

The afternoon went off without a hitch. Satoru fit in with any conversation thrown his way. From what he did for a living to how the two of you met, he never stuttered or looked to you for help. He was exactly what you needed. With Gojo by your side, you knew you could get through this wedding without losing yourself in the darkness again.

You owed Haibara big time for this.

After the two of you answered several rounds of twenty questions and an early dinner, you and Satoru stepped into your room. You shut the door, sliding back against it as you shut your eyes. “Oh my gosh, that went much better than anticipated.” Satoru chuckled, setting both of your luggage off in the corner of the room.

“You did great.” His praise had you smiling more. “Seriously, this will be a walk in the park!”

You wanted to agree with him, but your mouth remained shut. That was just your family you met with. Things might be a different story when you face Toji. Because despite you not wanting him to, you knew he could read you like a book. He always could tell when you weren’t feeling the best or something was wrong. But maybe, if you keep playing your card right, you might be able to fool him, too.

”Yeah, a walk in the park.” You looked around the room, relieved to find the futon already laid out for you both. But it was missing the extra pillows you had asked for. The pillows that were going to be used to separate you and Satoru. “Huh, I thought my dad said the pillows would be here when we got to the room. I’ll be right back; the shower is just to the right if you want to wash up first.”

“Awesome, thanks a lot.”

As you reached for the door, the handle turned, startling you. Satoru moved so fast, his arms wrapping around you as the door opened wide. “Have you ever heard of knocking before? My girlfriend and I could have been doing something. If you saw that, I would have had to charge you for the show.” Satoru started as the door opened wide, revealing the person standing in front of it, four pillows in his arms.

”You seriously think I believe that?”

Your body went rigid as you stared into the dark eyes of the man who broke your heart. “T-Toji? What are you doing here?” You learned further back into Satoru’s chest, trying to put distance between the man that had stained your life.

“Bringing you your pillows.” He motioned his chin down at them to emphasize his words. “Look, we need to talk.”

Satoru could feel your breath quicken, your chest moving faster with each inhale you took. From your reaction, he could figure out just who exactly this asshole was. This dark-haired asshole who just barged into your room had to be the ex you didn’t want to talk about in any way, shape, or form. Looking at him, Satoru came to one conclusion without even knowing the guy. He was a fucking prick.

”Look, Toji, I’m exhausted. I don't want to talk right now.” You snatched the pillows away from him. “Satoru and I were going to get ready for bed. I require some TLC tonight.” You went to shut the door, but Toji placed his palm against it, preventing it from moving.

”Please, you and I both know this isn’t your boyfriend. I need to talk to you now. Tell your friend here he can fucking wait until our conversation is over.”

The tone and mere attitude of the prick in the door had Satoru seeing red. He released you, turning you to face him, glaring daggers at the man spewing toxic commands. “I’m not a friend.” Satoru spit out the last word. In a flash, his hand gripped your chin, turning you towards him. His other hand rested on the back of your head, pulling you into a kiss.

It was your first kiss in a year and a half, a kiss that was full of rage and passion like you had never experienced before. Satoru’s kiss was for show, but fuck, it had your knees buckling. You matched his pace, kissing him back urgently. His hands tangled in your hair while you fisted his shirt. You prayed that this mini-makeout session was enough to fool your ex. Satoru pulled away to glare at Toji. His chest rose and fell as he slowly licked his bottom lip with a smirk.

“My girlfriend and I were just getting ready to bed, if you caught the drift. If she wants to talk to you tomorrow, she’ll find you. Later.” Without another word, Satoru slammed the door in Toji’s face before turning to face you.

”Wow.” Was all you could manage to say as you ran your fingers over your lips. Seeing you do that while hearing your breathless voice had Satoru fifty shades of red. In his whole career as an escort, he has never lost his cool like that until he was with you.

Oh, he was fucked.

(TBC)

[deeplyshalllow]

Classic Fiyeraba fic recommendations

So, with the new movie coming out, I've seen a lot of requests here for people to write Fiyeraba particularly happy Shiz era stuff, and like guys, guys, I did not spend my formative teen years in the Wicked fanfiction.net section for people to act like the amazing fics there don't even exist.

So here is my list of the fics and authors so great that I remember it over a decade later

Obviously, given we have never had a situation before where people know act 1 but not act 2, there will be spoilers and act 2 stuff in a bunch of these, but please check them out.

(a few of the authors I know are still around tumblr I've tagged, but feel free to tell me if you want me to take it off).

Authors in no particular order:

Tiggy the Hopeless Romantic - Honestly just read anything this woman wrote, I think if anyone said Fiyeraba fanfic this would be the first name I think of - bonus that a lot of the stuff is easily digestible fluffy oneshots

Merina Thropp @merinathropp on Tumblr - Writes beautifully, I remember getting very excited when she uploaded new fic. I particularly remember her Fiyero's Shiz era twitter fic and her extended As Long As You're Mine fic

HC247 @a-partofthenarrative on Tumblr - Writes such lovely fluff and I think double digits on alaym fics! Particularly remember her Once Upon a Kiss series and Masquerade. She mostly writes POTO stuff now but I see occasionally get an alert in my inbox from her.

alinaandalion - another fantastic Fiyeraba writer (god there are so many) I particularly remember her for her A Drop in the Bucket series, which are a lovely series of Fiyeraba oneshots.

CrazyBeagle - one of the people on the Wicked section who has made the transition to real life friend. But I knew her for her fics before we became friends. To Feel is post musical fic which is a lovely realistic continuation of Fiyeraba's journey. Unlimited is a modern retelling of Wicked which I really enjoy though I have been told multiple times it will never be updated no matter how much I threaten.

Scandalacious Intentions @scandalaciousintentions on Tumblr - Candy is the other Wicked friend who has become an irl friend (and I am most certainly the only person who still calls her Candy). She is much better known for her Tonks/Lupin stuff, but I always loved what she wrote for Wicked. Witchy Woman was her first Wicked fic I still very much enjoy it.

Girlscout4ever wrote ever so beautifully. Cheap Rented Room is such a fantastic expanded ALAYM.

ElphabaROCKS - wrote a lot of very good Fiyeraba fluff

Vinkanwildflowerqueen @vinkunwildflowerqueen on Tumblr - I imagine a lot of you know her already as she is still writing! She writes a lot of very good Fiyeraba au fics

Fermantoso - one of the funniest writers in the section! Chasing Elphie is the one I remember best, au but funny and sweet.

Danderson - slightly more bookverse than a lot of the other writers here but still great fics!

Kaylle - There are Nights, is always the one people (including me) remember as it's one of the most beautiful pieces of fanfiction on the Wicked section, but all of her work is lovely.

Lost Ozian - Well known for her humour, The Fiyero User Manual springs immediately to mind, my favourite is actually her serious au fic Different

Me - debated whether to add this, but I was also part of the section back in the day, and I know people enjoyed my fics too, though God knows I've improve my writing in the last decade and a half - in terms of Fiyeraba my strongest were probably A Moment and Living. Perfect Together is unquestionably the best fic I wrote for Wicked, although it's more Flinda.

Individual Fics:

Like a Swan on a Lake - this fic was actually well after my time but I happened to read it and I love love love it! AU of Fiyero if both girls defied gravity together and it does such a good job of showing his intelligence

Broccoli - I remember this one being very sweet Shiz era Fiyeraba

According to Plan - funny fic, fun twist ending

Sincerely, an annoyed Shiz student - not strickly Fiyeraba but you should read it. It is a very fun parody.

It's a long way to fall - This was actually the fic I created a fanfic account for, because I hadn't realised you could anonymous review! A fun arranged marriage AU

Please, please add to this list if you have other recs, mine are about 10 years out of date. Also apologies if I've missed any out as there's so many good ones and it is 2am.

[obsesssedblerd]

life after you and satoru adopt the first years 💜💜

fic of that here. i recommend reading that before these hcs 💕

contains: mentions of pregnancy / birth

yuuji still can't believe it. he now has a large room in you and satoru's large home, parents that adore him, and siblings that'll forever have his back. he cries about it sometimes. after everything he's been through, he finally has his happy ending.

megumi is the most relaxed he's ever been in his life. it felt so good resting, knowing that he was safe and that you and satoru wouldn't let anything happen to him. he sleeps so much. you and satoru saw it coming. he's been in survival mode ever since he was a kid. of course, he's going to want to rest. whenever you see him napping in the sunroom, you put a small blanket over him.

like yuuji, nobara also can't believe it. sometimes, you see her just watching everyone else in disbelief, unable to believe that she's now a part of the family. she's always smiling, though. her favorite part of the day is that last hour before bed, where she's next to you in one of the large bathrooms doing skincare together.

three months into the adoption (and four months into your pregnancy), you ask the three of them if they'd still like to be sorcerers. to your surprise, they said yes. when you ask why, yuuji points his thumb over at satoru and says, "gotta help dad out."

satoru definitely cried later because yuuji called him 'dad' for the first time.

though satoru accepted that, he preferred for the three of them to take far fewer missions so they could enjoy the rest of their childhood. to his relief, none of them disagreed with it.

however, the higher-ups of jujutsu society weren't too thrilled at the news of you and satoru adopting them because that meant that they would have fewer sorcerers.

what they did express great interest and delight in, was the fact that you were pregnant. they were already chatting about how powerful the baby would be and what great things they could achieve; not just with satoru's technique but also yours. hearing those old bastards talk about his child as if they were already a perfect weapon, like he was made to be, made his blood boil.

satoru shut it down swiftly and told them that the baby wouldn't have anything to do with sorcery, regardless of what technique they were born with. they deserved a happy, safe life far away from the horrific system that devoured children. he saved yuuji, nobara, and megumi from it before it could kill them. every day, he wished that he and suguru were saved from it.

when the higher-ups objected, satoru gave them a chilling warning—that he'll show no mercy to anyone who tries to threaten his family's safety and happiness, and that's final.

yuuji, megumi, and nobara keep up with their training, but they also spend a lot more time doing things that genuinely interest them.

you and satoru spoil them rotten. obviously. when it comes to fun family trips, you all always go overboard, but it didn't matter. all three of them never got to have fun experiences, plus, you can tell that satoru is making up for all of the things he missed as a child.

your old colleagues and students from jujutsu tech showed up to your baby shower, and it warmed your heart to see just how loved this baby was even though they weren't born yet.

you and satoru decide to wait to find out the gender until they're born. every evening after dinner, all five of you sit on the large couch in the living room, and the four of them take turns talking to your stomach.

they're always so excited when the baby kicks.

the final empty room in your massive home is stocked with everything that your newborn is going to need.

you're with megumi and nobara when your water breaks. you call satoru, who was shopping with yuuji, and tell them the news. "don't panic, but my water broke, and-" too late, they're both already screaming.

after so many hours of labor, you finally give birth to your beautiful baby girl. her hair is mostly like yours, but she also has a few white strands that she took from satoru.

she also inherited the bluest of eyes, and while satoru is extremely happy, he's also worried. because of the power he was born with, he was hunted. he never wanted that for his princess.

you can tell what he's thinking, and you stroke his cheek, telling him that it was going to be okay because your daughter had so many willing to protect her.

yuuji, megumi, and nobara—a little teary-eyed because their new baby sister was so freaking cute—assure satoru that he wouldn't be the only one with the role of protecting the family. they were sorcerers too, after all.

that brings the most gentle smile to satoru's face.

[pedroscurls]

christmas confessions (pt. 1 - day 1)

summary: spending the morning with logan before you go back home for the holidays, you suddenly get bad news that you're unable to fly home due to the severe weather. pairing: origins!logan howlett x fem!reader content warnings: slow burn, best friends (who are deeply in love with each other but don't want to say anything) trope(?) lmao, best friends to lovers, no physical description of reader, no use of y/n. word count: 3k a/n: alright y'all, happy december 1st! i'm gonna slightly deviate from the movie, but otherwise, everything will remain the same. anyway, we're in for a ride for these two so stay tuned 🙂‍↕️ pt 2. | series masterlist.

When moving to the Canadian Rockies almost five years ago, you hadn’t expected to fall in love with the area and you certainly hadn’t expected to befriend one very gruff and very handsome mutant– Logan. A man whose tough exterior didn’t deter you from striking a conversation with him one early morning at the local coffee shop. You could tell from the moment you met him that he was a man who preferred to be alone, that this was a man who had been scarred from traumatic events from his life. 

You were new to the area, Logan knew that much. You had turned to him while in line and asked him what drink he would recommend. Logan had gotten used to keeping to himself, after the events of losing Kayla and then killing Stryker, he just wanted to live the rest of his days in his cabin. Alone, just like how it should be. 

But you had looked at him with the kindest eyes he’s ever seen and a smile that made his heart flutter at the sight. When he lost Kayla, he had vowed to himself that he wasn’t going to commit himself to anyone – that he was better off alone because everyone he cared about, everyone he loved, would eventually get hurt because of him. He had thought Kayla was the turning point in his life, the person that he was going to spend the rest of his days with, but Logan was always meant to be alone. He understood that now. 

So despite the frequent visits to the coffee shop every morning before work, Logan knew that he wouldn’t ever be able to cross that boundary with you. Even though he made sure to arrive every morning at six – just so he can have a brief, five minute conversation with you – Logan knew that nothing could ever happen. 

But as your friendship with him grew, so did his feelings for you. 

What Logan didn’t know was just how deeply in love you were with him. 

The quick morning conversations while in line for coffee soon turned into having dinner once a week. You would normally go over to his place, having fallen in love with the view when stepping out of his cabin, but sometimes, he’d come by to your apartment on the way home from work. Your friendship with him blossomed, but you couldn’t help the way you felt about him. 

It had taken him almost six months for him to tell you just exactly who he was. Logan didn’t know how you would react, but there was a part of him that expected you to realize that you no longer wanted nothing to do with him. So when he told you that he was a mutant, showed you his claws, and mentioned how he had hurt many people, Logan was surprised by your reaction. How gentle and kind you were, the look in your eyes, the light touch of your fingertips against the tip of his claws – you weren’t afraid. He didn’t realize just how much of a relief he felt, how the weight on his shoulders finally lifted when he told you. 

Logan knew that night he loved you, but he knew that nothing could ever happen. So he continued to love you silently, without your knowledge, because not only could he lose you, but he didn’t want to ruin this. 

And now, five years later since you both met, the feelings you felt for each other only strengthened. Neither of you had ever made a move, had ever crossed that boundary from friends to lovers. You were aware of the hurt and pain Logan carried with him – you knew about Kayla, about Stryker, about his past. So you kept your feelings to yourself, held him at arm’s length. Logan was your best friend and you didn’t want to ruin that. 

–

DAY 1 — You pull up to Logan’s cabin, the view just as breathtaking as it was the first time you were here. You wanted to spend the morning with him before you had to leave for the holidays. Logan never was a big fan of Christmas, not really finding the need to celebrate, and he had declined your plenty of offers over the last few years about having him come with you. 

You step inside his home, the warmth from the fireplace radiating throughout his house. You remove your coat and beanie, unraveling your scarf and placing it on the coat rack near the door. Gently stomping on the mat, removing any residue of the snow from outside, you reach down and pull off your boots. 

“Logan,” you call out, walking further into his home and down the hallway. You see him sitting on the couch, dressed in his usual flannel and jeans with a cup of coffee in his hand and his journal on his lap. 

“In here,” he replies, setting his journal on the coffee table and standing up to greet you. 

“It’s coming down out there,” you tell him, leaning in to give him a hug. Your arms wrap around him, cheek resting against his chest as he rests his chin atop your head and his own arms snake around your waist. 

Logan just nods in response, holding you in his arms like this had always been the closest he could get. He would imagine what it’d be like to hold you in his arms while in bed, having you curl against him and –

“Did you make me coffee too?” You ask, pulling him away from his thoughts. You remove your arms around him and look down at his mug, arching a brow up at him. 

“I don’t have all the fancy, sugary drinks you normally like to order,” he teases. “But I did make a pot.”  

“Fancy, sugary drinks,” you scoff, following him into his kitchen. “If I remember correctly, you actually liked one of those fancy, sugary drinks. Even got whipped cream on one of them.”

Logan rolls his eyes and grabs a mug for you from his cupboard, a small smile lining his lips. “Sure, but I don’t have them as often as you do.” He pours the dark coffee into the mug and gently hands it to you, feeling your fingertips brush against his when you take the mug from him. He clears his throat, looking down at his own cup. He knows how much you love the holidays, how important they are to you and your family, but he can’t help the tug he feels in his chest when you leave. You’re usually gone until New Year’s Day and even though you call him on Christmas and on New Year’s Eve, it isn’t the same as having you here with him. 

“Hey, a vanilla latte isn’t fancy and isn’t sugary,” you reply, once more taking him out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, we both know that’s not the only drink you get,” Logan chuckles. 

You let out a quiet laugh, immediately going into his fridge to grab the carton of sweetener that he only keeps for you. You’ve been at his cabin so frequently that sometimes it feels like you live here, how comfortable and at home you feel here with him. Your family knows about Logan, knows how you feel about him, and every year, they always ask if you’re finally going to bring him home. 

But every year, you come home alone despite your heart yearning to stay with Logan for the holidays. 

“So, you all set for your flight?” Logan asks, resting his hip against his kitchen island. “You’re gone for two weeks, right?” 

“Yup, all set. My luggage is in my car outside.” You nod, pouring the sweetener into your mug. You watch the dark liquid turn into a light cream color, glancing up at Logan who’s grinning at you. “Yeah, I’m gone for two weeks.” 

Logan nods at your mug, a smirk on his lips. “Would you like some coffee with that cream?” 

“Ha ha,” you smile, placing the creamer back into his fridge. “What will you do during the holidays, Logan?” You ask, though you know his answer. 

“Nothing,” he shrugs. “You know I don’t really celebrate the holidays.” 

“But it’s Christmas. You should really decorate, maybe get into the festive spirit.”

“Not my thing, bub, and you know that.” 

“I know, figured maybe this year something would give,” you say quietly. 

Logan bites the inside of his cheek as he looks at you, tilting his head slightly as he watches you take a sip of your coffee. “Wouldn’t hold out hope,” he replies. “I’m not one to celebrate.” 

“What if I said I got you a gift?” You ask, setting your mug down on the kitchen island. 

“I’d say you shouldn’t have and you should probably return it.” 

You narrow your eyes and round the corner of the island to stand in front him. Inches separate your bodies as you stare up at him – gaze so innocent, so inviting, so warm. “What if I made it?” 

Logan sighs. “Bub…”

“You know, we go through this every year,” you chuckle. “I’m always going to get you something for Christmas.” 

Logan looks down at you and he suddenly gets an urge to pull you into him, to tell you that despite his stubbornness, he appreciates you and everything you do for him. He knows he isn’t deserving of you, but he’s so grateful that you decide to stick around, even after all these years. Even after all that you know. 

“I promise I didn’t spend any money on it.” 

“Okay,” he sighs with a nod. 

“But, you’ll have to open it on Christmas Day.” 

Logan chuckles. “Do I gotta call you when I open it too?” 

You grin, your smile meeting your eyes. “Obviously.” 

Suddenly, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket and you step back and away from Logan to pull it from your pocket. You look down at the email you received and feel your heart drop, your face falling and your smile slowly disappearing. 

“Everything okay?” Logan asks, brows furrowed at the look on your face. 

“My flight’s been canceled,” you whisper. “They anticipate a heavy snowstorm. I won’t be able to go home for Christmas…” 

Logan bites his lower lip. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

“I don’t even think I can drive back to my apartment either.” 

“So, I’m stuck with you?” Logan teases, hoping that it’d lift your spirits, but he doesn’t see a smile on your face. Your eyes are still glued to the phone in your hand and he gently reaches out to rest a hand on your arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You can stay here, at least until it’s safe to drive back down.” 

“Logan,” you sigh, looking up at him. “I’m sure you don’t want me staying here for a week.”

Logan shrugs. “Would be nice to have some company,” he admits. 

“I just can’t believe I won’t make it home.”

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I know how important the holidays are for you and your family.” 

You flash him a sad smile and then point to your phone. “I should probably let my parents know.” 

“Right, yeah. I’ll go and fix up the guest bedroom for you.” Logan drops his hand from your arm and turns on his heel, beginning to walk away before he feels your hand gently wrap around his own. 

“Logan?” 

“Yeah, bub?” He responds, turning back around to face you as you keep a hold on his hand. 

“Thank you,” you whisper. “I promise not to be too festive.” Then, you release your hold on his hand and turn around to walk into the living room.

Logan watches you for a moment, biting his lower lip. He realizes that while he feels an excitement bubbling within him at the thought of you staying here, he also feels anxious. Nervous. Scared. He doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to keep his feelings to himself for the entire week. 

After about an hour, Logan finishes cleaning up the guest bedroom and bathroom. He finds you lying down on his couch, arm draped over your eyes and your phone resting on his coffee table. He bites his lower lip and walks over to you, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Hey,” he whispers. 

You remove your arm from over your eyes and look up at him, sitting up on the couch to give him some room to sit next to you. “Hey,” you reply. 

“How’d the family take it?” He asks, sitting next to you. 

“Disappointed, like me, but they did tell me to tell you thank you.” 

Logan arches a brow. “Thank me? Why?” 

“Well, as my dad said: tell him thank you for taking care of my little girl.” You bite your lower lip, unsure of how Logan would react. “Sorry, my dad’s just–”

“Well, when you get a chance to talk to him again,” Logan interjects. “Tell him I’m happy to be taking care of her.” 

You slowly look up at him as you feel the heat rise in your cheeks. When you find that his eyes are already gazing at you, you clear your throat almost inaudibly. You don’t know how you’re going to stay sane this next week, being under the same roof as Logan – a man you’re so deeply in love with. You have to wonder if being snowed in with Logan and unable to go home is the universe’s way of bringing you both together… in a way that neither of you had the courage to. 

“Let me grab your luggage before the weather gets worse,” Logan says. 

“Oh, yeah, of course. Thank you,” you respond, grabbing your keys and placing it in his hand. 

“The bedroom and bathroom are all set for you.” Logan takes your keys, his own hand encompassing your own as he stares down at you. He can see the sadness in your eyes, the disappointment in your features. He then tugs on your hand, pulling you into his chest as his other arm comes up to wrap around your shoulders. 

You sigh quietly, arms wrapping around his midsection as you let your cheek rest against his hardened chest. You shut your eyes – you had always felt so safe in his arms. You can feel his large hand running along your back, causing you to lean further into him. 

“We’ll make the most of this next week,” Logan promises. 

“But you don’t like to celebrate the holidays,” you whisper, pulling back to look up at him.

He shrugs in response. “Maybe I just didn’t have someone to celebrate it with.”

You scoff, pulling away to see him with a teasing smile on his face. “I’ve been asking you to come back home with me for years now.”

Logan chuckles and walks towards the door, pulling on his coat as he stares at you. “Maybe I want you all to myself for the holidays. Ever think of that, sweetheart?” he winks, not giving you a chance to respond before he steps out into the snow to grab your luggage from the car. 

You let out a shaky breath and fall back onto the couch. God, you don’t know how you’re going to survive this next week with him. 

—

Later that night while you’re getting ready for bed, Logan – dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and his white tank top – leans against the doorframe of the bedroom. He crosses his arms over his chest, tilts his head to the side, and lets a small smile line his lips at the sight of you. 

“Hey,” he calls out softly. 

You turn around, hair damp from your shower and dressed in black sleep shorts and an oversized cropped t-shirt. “Hey,” you answer.

“Need anything before I turn in?” Logan asks.

You shake your head and close your suitcase, setting it off to the side. “Thank you,” you whisper quietly. “For letting me stay here.” 

Logan crosses the threshold and steps into the guest bedroom with you, walking towards you. “Better than being snowed in at the airport.” 

“Ah, yeah. That would have been a nightmare.” you bite your lower lip, his body now inches from your own. You yearn to reach out for him, to feel his body heat against yours. “Either way, thank you, Logan. I owe you.”

Logan chuckles and shakes his head, moving his hands into his pockets. “You gonna be okay?” 

You shrug. “Guess the holidays will be different this year.” 

“At least you got me.”

You smile, looking at him from the tops of your eyelashes. “Yeah, I’ll settle for you,” you tease.

Logan laughs, shaking his head. He glances around the room and bites the inside of his cheek, bringing a hand to run through his hair. “Well, just wanted to say good night.” 

“Good night, Logan.”

“And if you need anything, I’m just down the hall.”

“And if you need anything, I’ll be right here.” Your eyes soften at him, knowing that Logan’s nightmares become more frequent at night. 

Logan nods and leans down, gently kissing your temple as his hand rests on your hip. He feels your skin against his fingertips, the cropped shirt you’re wearing lifting just enough for a sliver of skin to be revealed. “I know,” he whispers. “You’ve always been right here for me.” Then, he slowly pulls away and turns on his heel to walk towards the door. He spares you another glance from over his shoulder and flashes you a warm smile before he shuts the door behind him.

Logan sighs and walks towards his living room, taking note of how bare his home looks. He glances at the clock and then looks down the hallway at your closed door. Logan didn’t like to celebrate the holidays, but he knew how important it was to you. He knew the storm was only going to get increasingly worse, so he decides to pull on a pair of boots, a thick coat, and a black beanie before he grabs his keys to his truck – determined to surprise you tomorrow morning.

---

taglist: @kellyxo1 @misscrissfemmefatale @mooneyloveydovey @oatmilkriver @jtheteenagewitch

[riamaple]

Life on Your Line (Ch. 2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Summary: Cursed to sacrifice your life to save another, you were never able to connect with others, always meant to drift before you could belong. Death was all you knew. Then, one day in Brooklyn, you saved a young man, and for some reason, you kept seeing him again. And again. And again. No matter where you went, across decades, you always found your way back to him.

He was forced to live to destroy, you were forced to die to save—bound together in ways neither of you could understand.

Warnings: Angst (with an eventual happy ending). Death and Dying. Self-Sacrifice (Immortality / Resurrection). Canon-Typical Violence / Description of Wounds. Suicidal Thoughts. Implications and References to Child Death, Suicide, Self-Destructive Behavior / Self-Harm.

< PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Word Count: 4.3k

CHAPTER 2: March 1944 - March 1945

March 15, 1944. 6:23 PM

Minnie passed away a few nights ago. That old hag finally did it. She’s with Lewis now, resting while the rest of us are left to wonder if this war will ever end.

We had the funeral two days ago. It was small and quiet, just like how she would’ve wanted it. Everyone was crying, myself included. My best friend is gone and I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her.

I didn’t write about any of this until now because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I was sad, but mostly angry. I’m so happy for Minnie, but I can’t help but feel jealous of her. We were both supposed to grow old together, but now she’s in the ground while I’m still stuck out here. Every day, I check to see if I have a strand of gray hair and of course, I don’t.

I did get a pleasant surprise. Becca stopped by with a whole box of pastries that her mother had made for me and Laura. It was very sweet of them to do that. They even made me some eclairs, my absolute favorite. Laura hasn't been working this week — she’s grieving over Minnie while wondering if her son will survive the war — so I promised Becca I’d bring some of the sweets to her.

This young lady has become an avid reader and she’s always asking me for book recommendations. It was slow at first, with her coming back a few months after she got her first book. She didn’t say, but I think it took a while because she was still upset about her brother leaving for Europe. But since she’s come back, she’s stopped by once a month. I don’t do it for anyone else, but I also started to let her borrow the books. As long as she brings them back in perfect condition, she doesn’t have to pay for them. Who am I to stop a young lady from reading?

I finally did ask Becca about her brother. Turns out his name is James, though everyone — even the papers — calls him Bucky. Becca calls him Jimmy, which I think is sweet. She said it’s been a bit since they’ve heard from him, but he’s now a part of the Howling Commandos with Captain America, fighting proudly for our freedom.

I was also shocked to find out that Captain America was the blonde boy with the balloon from all those years ago. That skinny, tiny kid is now America’s hero and the boy I saved is part of his unit. Funny how the world works.

You stopped writing for a moment.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I think about James more than I want to. I’ve been living with this curse for many decades, yet he’s the only person whom I’ve saved who recognized me. I’ve done a pretty decent job of avoiding people from my past, but the very few I’ve met never seemed to recognize me. They’ve all looked at me strangely, of course, but never said anything about it in the end. Why would they? They all believed I had died.

But James… He’s the only one who saw me for me. Who looked at my face and knew that I was the one who saved him. He still is the only one.

It pained me to lie to him.

I barely know him, but…maybe, if I’m brave enough one day, I could tell him the truth. I’d love to sit down with him and chat over a cup of coffee. Give him the decency and say that, yes, I did save you all those years ago. You were right. It was me.

The bell jiggled, taking your attention away from your journal to the front door. You smiled at a woman who walked in, somewhere in her forties with brown hair, looking around the cozy interior of Riverside Bookshop.

You smiled at her warmly. “Hello. Welcome to Riverside. My name is Doris,” you said, motioning toward the shelves behind you. “We’re about to close soon, but let me know if you need anything.”

The woman smiled back, her eyes scanning the shelves as she wandered through the aisles. It wasn’t unusual for customers to stop by just before closing, searching for one last book to take home. You had done the same when you were younger—well, younger.

After a few moments, the woman pulled a book from one of the lower shelves. It was an old one, but also the kind that had been loved and read over the years. Its edges frayed and the cover was fading, but the woman still carried it to the front desk with a soft smile.

“That’s a lovely choice,” you commented. “One of my personal favorites. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

She chuckled, and you could tell by her eyes that she was excited to dive into it. She paid for the book, thanking you again as you handed her the change.

“Have a good evening,” you called after her, stepping back behind the counter to finish closing up for the night.

It was too late to go to Henry’s and store your journal there. For just this night, you allowed yourself to believe the store wouldn’t somehow catch on fire and burn your writing, so you tucked your journal into one of the drawers. You dimmed the lights, turned the sign on the door to ‘Closed,’ adjusted your bag and exited.

You locked the front door just as a sharp scream echoed through the night air, pulling your attention to the empty streets.

Something tugged at your heart.

You ran as fast as you could down the street until you reached a dark alley, where you saw her—the woman who just bought a book—struggling against a man who had her by the throat.

He had a knife in the other hand.

Decades ago, you would’ve hesitated—run away even—but now you were already right next to them, swinging your bag at the man. Too distracted by the woman, he stumbled back as you hit him on the head. He faltered briefly, but then lunged at you with his knife. You quickly moved to your right, letting him fall against the wall while you grabbed the woman’s hand and bolted back into the street.

Once you were further down the street, you slowed down while the woman gasped for air. You looked behind to see if the man was following, and sighed deeply when you saw that he wasn’t.

“My goodness,” the woman said, rubbing at her throat as she looked at you. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

You forced out a smile, making sure to keep your left side hidden from her view. “You’re welcome. You should head home now—before it gets too dark,” you said quietly, stepping back.

She nodded, still breathing heavily, and quickly stepped away. But the moment she began to leave, you immediately pressed your hand against your side and walked the other way. The ground beneath you seemed to sway, but you kept moving, one step at a time. The pain in your side grew unbearable, but you pushed forward.

You found a quiet alley quickly, away from the streetlights, and collapsed against the wall. Gasping, you hid behind a couple of crates as you raised your hand, examining the blood staining your fingers. You closed your eyes, letting the cool night air wash over you. The sounds of the city faded, and the sharp pain in your side became all-consuming.

You let yourself release one last breath, wondering if you needed to find a new name.

<><><>

You opened your eyes to the biting cold, immediately feeling a familiar ache in your side. You blinked awake, grimacing at the uneven, almost rocky surface you were lying on. You murmured a curse at the world underneath your breath; it wasn’t the first time you woke up in an uncomfortable place. But as you slowly took in the sky and leaves looming over you, the faint scent of pine trees mixed with the damp earth invaded your nose, and you gulped.

You immediately sat up, breathing raggedly while looking around to see that the rugged peaks of unfamiliar mountains surrounded you. This wasn’t your home. This wasn’t Brooklyn. Where the hell were you—

A deafening explosion shattered the silence, causing you to scream and scramble to your feet. You spun around to find cover, choosing to duck behind a large boulder while your breaths came in frantically. There were a few more explosions, followed by gunshots and yelling, and you couldn’t make sense of what was happening.

You had died nearly a hundred times—letting yourself get stabbed, shot, trampled for the sake of others, only to wake up a month later in your home. You were no longer afraid of death, but this was different. You had never woken up anywhere else but your home, where the familiar smell of old wood and novels greeted you. But here, only the freezing wind and echoes of explosions seemed to shake the ground under your feet.

You trembled as the gunshots came closer—you had no idea what you were supposed to do. There was no place to hide, no familiar faces, no quiet corner to retreat to. You peered cautiously over the edge of the boulder, trying to make sense of your surroundings. But then, your breath caught in your throat as you spotted a young man running in the distance.

Your heart jumped at the sight of James, his face streaked with dirt and his uniform torn in places. He heaved with a pained expression as he dove behind another boulder.

Why was he here? 

No. Why were you there with him?

James’s hands trembled as he reloaded his rifle, his eyes scanning the distance through the scope. Sweat beaded on his brow despite the cold, and every muscle in his body screamed at him to rest, though he didn’t have a second to spare. He tried to keep his breath even, but his lungs burned as he tried to spot the enemy.

He had been hiding before, silently taking down any HYDRA soldier who got too close to Steve or the rest of the Howling Commandos. He tried to be careful, but then one of the soldiers caught a glint of metal from his rifle and threw a grenade at him. James barely managed to brace himself behind cover before the explosion went off, and he was forced to run. He had no idea where his combat unit was—it was just him and a bunch of HYDRA operatives in the mountains. And as much as he was a skilled sharpshooter who had killed most of them by this point, he was getting close to his limits.

James squinted, peering through the scope once more. A soldier emerged from behind a pile of rocks and he didn’t hesitate. The shot rang out and the HYDRA soldier dropped to the ground. Quickly reloading his rifle, he tried to spot the last two soldiers before they could catch him off guard.

When he couldn’t see them, he quickly ducked low behind another boulder as he felt that his position was getting vulnerable. But then, before he could settle into his new spot, an explosive hit too close to him. The shockwave threw him off his feet and he tumbled, yelping as he rolled down the slope. 

Pain shot through his side when he landed against a tree, and he let out an anguished cry. With his teeth clenched and hands rolled into fists, he hissed while trying to regain control over his body, scrambling to grab his rifle. He saw a blur of movement in the corner of his eye and, without stopping, James spun onto his back and shot at the HYDRA soldier in the distance. He rag-dolled instantly, falling onto the rocky terrain.

Another wave of pain traveled through James’s body, making him groan while he forced himself to stand up. He staggered to the side, his vision blurring for a brief moment, and he slumped back behind another boulder with heavy breaths. He was so exhausted and every fiber of his being begged him to stop, but he couldn’t. There was one last soldier left—the one who kept on shooting explosives in his direction. HYDRA’s weapons were getting more advanced and dangerous as weeks went by, making the rifle in his hands feel a bit fragile.

But he gripped his weapon close before peering out from behind the boulder, scanning the landscape again. He cursed under his breath, because just where the hell was the last—

Another explosion went off. This time, it was too close to him and the heat of the blast threatened to sear his skin, making him recoil. He scrambled backward to avoid getting burned, but then his eyes widened in horror. He stood out in the open, staring at the soldier who was charging his giant, bomb-launching weapon directly at him. This was his plan—get James out of hiding and kill him in plain sight. He was completely exposed and couldn’t avoid this.

He was going to die.

Sorry, Steve.

With a choked breath, James braced himself, waiting for the end when a rush of movement suddenly caught his eye. He turned just in time to see the blur tackle him, wrapping their arms around his body just as the explosion went off. It didn’t directly hit him, but it was close enough to send him tumbling down the slope again. 

James yelped as he rolled over a ledge, falling briefly before landing in a large, murky puddle. The freezing water shocked him into focus and he gasped. He gritted his teeth and struggled to sit up, fighting against the exhaustion in his bones, and tried to look for his weapon.

He located his rifle and—

James widened his eyes, staring at your body in another murky puddle. Your body was twisted and you hissed in pain, eyes squeezed shut and limbs shaking as you tried to gather yourself. You had taken the full brunt of the explosion, protecting James from the burns you sustained on your back and sides. The smell of scorched fabric mixed with the damp grass, and blood trickled from the numerous burns and cuts around your body. And your breath—your breath was immensely shallow.

The young man continued to stare, horrified as he tried to process what exactly he was seeing. How could a woman who looked like she was about to go out for a stroll be in the middle of a warzone? James shook his head, leaning close to inspect the stranger.

But as you opened your eyes and he took in your face, he realized that you weren’t a stranger at all. His heart dropped.

“You…” he breathed, his voice quivering. It was you, but…it couldn’t be. No, it wasn't possible. He was in Poland—you were in Brooklyn. How could you— 

A couple of pebbles tumbled over the ledge. 

James lunged for his weapon, pointing it upwards just as the last soldier emerged. Before the operative could even raise his weapon at him, James pulled the trigger, the crack of his rifle echoing through the land. The soldier dropped over the ledge, falling face down into the wet ground. Panting, James stood up and pointed his gun at the soldier, gazing at him as if he was going to jump up and tackle him. But when the soldier didn’t move, he let out a heavy breath and dropped to his knees. He finally won his battle against the enemy—he survived.

After taking a long, well-deserved breath, his eyes darted back over your body. He grimaced, quickly crawling over to you to assess your wounds. Your skin was covered with raw, red patches, blood gushing from all over to mix with the murky water. Your breathing was quiet, but too slow.

But you continued to stare at him, your eyes barely open but still holding on.

James’s heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. He couldn’t understand what was happening— how it was happening. How could you —the same person from the bookstore—be with him right now? Despite the confusion, he shook his head. 

“We have to go,” he said urgently. “We can’t stay here.”

With trembling hands, he tried to lift your body, but a horrible noise ripped from your throat the second he did. It wasn’t a quiet yelp or a soft whimper—it was a violent cry that made his heart shatter. He froze—there was no way you could recover. He wouldn't be able to get you help in time.

But that was cruel, because if it wasn’t for you, he would’ve been dead. All of the injuries you were suffering through would’ve been his instead. He let out a shaky breath, his body trembling as he carefully adjusted his hold on you. Tears welled in his eyes—if he couldn’t get help, he could at least let you pass comfortably in his arms, right?

James cradled you in his lap as all he could do was hold you, his hands slick with blood as he felt your chest slowly lose momentum. But as his eyes searched your face, examining the blood that trailed over your cheeks and soaked your hair, he found himself reliving a memory he had wanted to erase from his mind. He bit his lips, struggling to say the right things to you.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” he whispered, his voice barely above a breath. “From Brooklyn… From…from when that car…”

He waited for a response, but you did nothing other than blink, the pain etched in your eyes too morbid for him to handle. He reached up, his hand shaking as he cradled your face, trying to offer some kind of comfort in your last moments.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his lips quivering. “I’m so sorry…”

You only blinked back in response and he briefly looked away from you, a wet breath getting caught in his throat. But then something caught his eye—a pendant hanging loosely on a thin chain around your neck, revealed by the rips in your dress. 

It was a locket.

He slowly reached for it and you watched him gently cradle it in his palm, almost admiring it before he opened it. Inside, there was a delicate flower etched into the metal and a tiny inscription beside it that made him pause.

“Rose?” he read softly.

And with that, as James whispered the name that was so dear to your heart, you released one final breath and went still in his arms.

His grip on your body tightened. He let go of the locket, reaching for your face again. When he felt how cold your skin was, he broke. A choked sob tore from his throat, his whole body curling over yours as he hugged you closer.

He didn’t know who you were. He didn’t know why you saved him or how you even found him, but you were real. You had been real. 

But now you were gone.

It was really you in that bookstore, from when he decided to give Becca a little bit of joy before he left home. When you looked up at him, his whole world halted from seeing the woman who had shoved him out of the way, taking the full brunt of the car. He was just walking back to his home with Steve, laughing as they carried sandwiches from what they believed to be the best deli in Brooklyn. Then he was on his knees next to your body, begging you to stay awake until help arrived, but you didn’t make it.

And yet, eight years later, he had found you again. In a bookstore that he had planned to stop by for so long, but couldn’t until the last second.

But then, when you said he had mistaken you for someone else, he wanted to believe it. He had to believe it, because how could it have been you?

You had died for him.

But…here, you were in his arms.

And you had died for him again.

James let out a wrecked cry, pressing his forehead against yours. His lips parted, but the words he wanted to say died in his throat. He continued to hold you as if it would bring you back.

“Bucky!”

James lifted his head, hearing his name in the distance. His breath hitched before he looked back at you. He didn’t want to leave you, but…he had to. He had to go.

Carefully, he lowered you to the ground, his hand lingering on your arm before he pushed himself up. He lost his footing briefly, the exhaustion trying to drag him back down, but he steadied himself. He looked at you one more time before staggering to the ledge.

Steve suddenly popped up, looking down and immediately letting out a heavy sigh of relief when spotting his best friend.

“Jesus, Buck.” He jumped down and crushed him in a hug. “Thank God. Are you alright?”

James inhaled sharply, nodding as he tried to reply. “I—” His voice cracked, but he exhaled slowly. “Yeah. I’m alright. I just—”

He looked back at you, but his heart stopped.

Because there was nothing to look back to.

The puddle where you had been lying was empty. No blood, no fabric, no sign of your presence whatsoever.

James stumbled backward, his breath coming in short gasps as his eyes darted around, searching for you. Longing for you.

“Bucky?” Steve frowned, stepping closer carefully. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” He looked down at his hands, smudged with mud and ash.

But there was not a single speck of your blood staining his skin.

<><><>

May 15, 1944. 5:10 AM

I try to write about every person I save, but I can barely remember what happened in that alley with the woman. All I can think about is James.

I saved James for the 2nd time on April 15 and I woke up with the worst pain I’ve ever had all over my skin.

For so many decades, I’ve been giving people second chances — dying for them so that they can go on living. But I have never given someone a third chance, or been sent across the world for them, or had to save two of them back to back. I was gone for 2 months and I feel terrible. Laura was angry and sad and happy when I came back. She cried so much as she believed I died for good even though that can never happen.

I don’t know how I ended up with James. I want to say it shouldn’t be possible, but I don't even know the full extent of my curse. Only the world does.

So tell me, world… Why James? I understand he was going to die, but why him? Henry was in the Great War, scared and tired and no one saved him. Why wasn’t I sent to him? Maybe this is the world’s way of making it up to me. If I wasn’t able to protect Henry, maybe I was given James to protect instead. I don’t mind that.

Because for the first time since I’ve been cursed, I don’t feel like a ghost. When James looked at me — recognized me — I felt real. Even though I had lied to him before, he still made me feel as if I had a proper place in this world. And when he whispered Rose to me, even though that isn’t my name, I felt…wanted.

And he’s the first person who has ever comforted me as I died.

So…maybe he could be the first person I saved to know the truth.

When he comes back to Brooklyn, I will tell him. He deserves to know.

<><><>

March 5, 1945. 4:31 AM

We live in hell.

I found out yesterday that James had died. Becca came in crying and told me the news before I could even ask if she was alright. They got the letter — killed in action — fallen into a ravine. They can’t even bring back his body for a proper funeral.

It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.

I was brought to him a year ago to save him. But why would the world you let me save him twice if you were still going to take him away? Rip him away from his sisters and mother and father? I would say that I can’t imagine how his parents are feeling, but I can. When my baby was taken from me, I wanted to die too.

But this isn’t just about them. James was supposed to be the one stranger I could allow myself to be honest with. But you took him away.

Why would you give me that false sense of hope? Make me believe he would survive? I had to watch Becca fall to the floor crying and I couldn’t even help her. She lost her big brother, but I couldn’t even tell her that I understood her pain without revealing this damn curse you placed on me.

You brought me to him. You WANTED me to save him so much that you sent me out there. Of all people, him. You didn’t even take me to Henry when he needed me. You could have had this whole time and you didn’t. You took me to James instead so that I could give him the chance to go home to his family.

But then you killed him. 

If I had known he was going to die, I would’ve at least told him my real name.

Damn you.

Damn you.

Go to hell.

Damn you Fuck you

NEXT CHAPTER >

General Taglist! @a-century-of-sass

Thanks for reading :)

[copperbadge]

I was making breakfast and listening to an episode of Just King Things this morning, which is a podcast I do recommend -- two very smart English teachers are reading the books of Stephen King in publication order and discussing them. This could go extremely awry except they're both highly conscious of his failings as well as his skill, so they do really well handling a lot of his less salutatory content.

They've hit the point in King's ouvre (this episode was about Hearts In Atlantis) that follows his recovery from the car accident that very nearly killed him, where he was struck by a van while out walking. One of them pointed out that it seems as though he came back from nearly dying determined to write the wildest shit imaginable and only write what he wanted, which struck a chord in me this time despite having listened to this episode before. Perhaps because I was thinking about my own writing and where it's going in the short term (there are a couple of short stories I want to do that I don't quite have a way into yet). I generally don't think about the drift of my creativity in the long term because when I do I usually draw the wrong conclusions.

I don't really classify my life, the way some people who've had high-impact injuries do, as before-TBI and after-TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury -- the fairly severe concussion I had in January of 2020). For one thing, given I had to cancel a trip to NYC because of it, it may have saved my life; I almost certainly would have caught COVID as someone with known lung issues in New York at the time. For another, the TBI was way scarier to almost everyone else; for me it was just one more dumb injury I gave myself and I didn't even remember most of it so it hardly registered. I used to open the story of it with a joke about waking up not remembering going to bed the night before, but nobody ever found it funny.

It's true that there are changes it wrought in my life, though. Even practical stuff like making sure my living space doesn't have tripping hazards and continuing to wear a fitbit even though I don't really need to (the fitbit told us, the morning after, exactly when the concussion happened, because it registered a heart-rate spike when I fell). For weeks after, I had to move slowly and put off making important decisions because I couldn't trust my physical or intellectual judgement; I didn't even jaywalk in my own neighborhood because I couldn't be sure I was judging the cars' speeds properly. For about a year after I had periodic post-concussion syndrome which basically just slammed me back into concussion space, which wasn't painful or upsetting but was definitely inconvenient.

And it's also undeniable that my writing shifted after the injury. It's not necessarily because of the injury, since my initial recovery from the TBI and the declaration of quarantine happened at roughly the same time, and anyone who tells you that a years-long global pandemic didn't impact their artistic expression is selling you a line. But the last thing I wrote before the TBI was the first draft of Six Harvests, and aside from the Six Harvests publication draft, which had fairly minimal changes, almost all that I've written has been blue-sky, light-hearted, PG-rated romance. It's been on my mind that I've been writing different subject matter from what I used to, but the timing of it didn't strike me until just recently.

I don't mind, really. I love fandom and I support fanfic in whatever expression it comes, but I'm also happy writing my own stories. While I'm aware it's been years since I've meaningfully written fanfic, it doesn't bother me per se, as long as I'm writing. It bothered me much more when I could write fanfic but not original fic, especially in those last few awful months at my last job. I'm proud of the literary and non-genre fiction I've written in the past, but it's also much more trying and frustrating to write at times, so I'm enjoying having a different sort of challenge that feels more fulfilling in the process. I'm sure at some point I'll go back to literary fiction -- there are ways in which it's hard to avoid turning the later Shivadh novels into literary fiction, being honest -- but for now I like what I'm writing, and I'm writing primarily to please myself and without regard to what's necessarily rational or linear.

Just struck me, is all, that it's by far the most noticeable major shift in my work. I do sort of wonder what will be next.

[maddieplum]

Floral Legacy Challenge

So a while back my computer died and I lost all of my saves and screenshots and because of that I haven't wanted to play in a while. However, recently to get myself back into the game I wrote a legacy challenge for myself based upon flower meanings. I have started playing it and really been enjoying it, so wanted to share with anyone who might be interested as well!

This is more of a story based legacy than a challenge one, with goals written more as guidelines for what story to tell in a given generation than objectives or challenges to complete. Each generation I have chosen 1-3 aspects of a flower's meaning to focus this story around and I've compiled them in a way where I think it makes sense how one generation leads to the next.

If you are interested, more is under the cut!

Sims 4 Floral Legacy Challenge:

Some housekeeping: As far as general rules go, make this your own! Traditional legacy rules need not apply unless you want them to. This is for my personal gameplay and if you want to do it, choose what rules you want to hold yourself to that will make the gameplay fun for you. I tend to use cheats in ways that make sense from a storytelling perspective (e.g. for the iris gen I will likely cheat to give a coworker the genius trait). You can also opt not to follow any of my generation guidelines if you don't want - just take what interests you!

The only required packs are Horse Ranch, Spa Day, and City Living, but I added optional and recommended goals incorporating packs I either already have or hope to buy. If you don't have the required packs you can still definitely play this by either skipping those gens or modifying them to fit what you can do. I would recommend using the generation theme written under the flower name to help guide you in your choices as well (these are the aspects of the flower meanings that I have chosen to focus on for each given generation).

And without further ado:

Gen 1: Bluebell -humble beginnings and everlasting love- Choose one of more of these traits: generous, good, loyal Career: something that means humility to you - ideas: education, gardener, barista/babysitter/other part time careers, self employed by selling collectibles Aspiration: Soulmate Style: any, but live whole life in a small home (not necessarily by the game's standard but no more than 3 bedrooms), blue should be a main color, stay away from pricey furniture as well

You are a simple sort of sim. All you ever wanted is a place to call home and someone to love. Moving to a new place was scary, but you think you are starting to figure it out. However, things get a little more complicated when a choice you make on a lonely night results in a surprise pregnancy. Even though you aren't sure you're ready for single parenthood, you are going to give it your best shot, you already love the kid to bits after all. Luckily, your kind neighbor is there to help out. Wait, they're kind of cute…

-Start on an empty lot or in an unfurnished house with 0 simoleons -Recommended: live in willow creek -Make money to build/furnish your house through your career -Have a child from a one night stand with someone you meet at a public lot before your house is fully finished (this is the next gen heir). -Never date your child's other parent but optionally remain good friends. -Err on the side of leniency as a parent (e.g. if you have parenthood, hug it out to discipline your kid, use the permissive family dynamic from growing together). -Fall and love and get married to one of your neighbors, completing the soulmate aspiration. Stay together in a happy marriage until death. -Optional: have 1-2 more kids with your spouse -Until you switch to the next gen, go on at least one date every week with your spouse.

Gen 2: Crocus -playful childishness- Recommended Traits: lazy, goofball, outgoing, family oriented, childish, cheerful Career: any except entertainer - do not reach level 10 in your career, continually neglect work tasks and goof off/socialize at work to lower work performance if need be - optional (or if laid off): switch careers several times Aspiration: Big happy family - optional: if you have high school years you can complete the live fast aspiration as a teen Style: any as long as its casual, shouldn't look too put together, t-shirts would be good

As a kid you were loved and admittedly somewhat spoiled by your doting parent. At times you neglected your responsibilities and your homework preferring to goof off with your many friends. Growing up… well, you never really did that did you? You did eventually get a job (even though you aren't the best employee) and you gave dating the old college try as well. Unfortunately, just like working, being in a relationship doesn't seem to come easily to you… Luckily though there is something you're good at: parenting. Being part kid yourself, you find it easy to connect to your many kids and you're always ready to cheer them up with a laugh when they are feeling down. That, at least, is something worth devoting your time too.

-Neglect homework as a child (optional: age up with the irresponsible trait if you have parenthood) but have several friends at school -Perform poorly in a career of your choice (NOT entertainer) - do not reach level 10 in any career (if you get close, lower job performance or quit and start a new job) -Live in childhood home until parents die or until you have too many kids for everyone to fit -Get divorced from / break up with every partner you have (your choice how many people to date, but must die single) -Have 3-6 kids - at least one should be adopted and one should be biologically yours but the exact ratio is up to you -Be best friends level with all kids -max out comedy skill -Complete happy family aspiration (may require temporarily returning to this gen after some kids are adults) -Optional: whenever someone leaves the household, get a pet so the household is continually at 8 members (the idea of this gen is cheerful chaos after all)

Gen 3: Dahlia -creativity and true love- Required traits: non commital, Recommended: creative, maker, art lover, green fiend Career: Something creative - recommended: making money through painting or fabrication or photography Aspiration: Any in the creativity category (or the jewelry one, which is IMO creative but not in that category) Style: Colorful and eclectic, feature warm colors and travel Knick knacks, bohemian

You grew up in a chaotic but joyful home surrounded by your siblings and raised by a parent who loved and accepted you as you were. Your creativity was able to bloom and flourish in this environment and you learned the value and power of familial love. However, you never quite understood romance in the same way as you watched your parent struggle to maintain a loving relationship. In high school you found someone special, but your relationship was too important to put through the trials of romance. You maintained your friendship into adulthood as you followed your passions into a career and your heart into several (failed) relationships, all the while standing by each other. Then one day you realized, what if this elusive goal of romantic love had been right besides you all along?

-Complete the creatively gifted aspiration as a kid -Briefly (briefly) date your best friend in high school, then decide to be just friends (option in social menu). Maintain friendship (remaining just friends) into your young adulthood and adulthood, spending lots of time together. -Have a creative job and max out your career / chosen creative skill -Get married and divorced at least once and date and break up with at least 3 people total -Have at least one kid -After a midlife crisis start a relationship with your best friend and get married - this time stay together until death do us part (optional: at this point swap out the non committal trait with the loyal trait via cheats or self discovery moment) -Go on vacation at least twice with your family and your best friend/best friend's family

Gen 4: (white) Lily -beauty, mourning, and rebirth- Recommended traits: gloomy, romantic Career: something you associate with beauty - ideas: actor/actress, style influencer, social media Aspiration: any - ideas: soulmate, world famous celebrity, master actor/actress Style: classic, somewhat minimalistic, elegant (think Kennedys)

Growing up in an artistic household, you quickly developed a keen eye and a strong aesthetic and sense of style. Unlike your parent however, you were very interested in what was popular. You built your knowledge of trends and used it to cultivate your own look until it became your passion, and ultimately your career. You were becoming quite successful, loving your job more and more every day, when you met… them. The love of your life. You remembered watching your parent dance around their love all their life, and had seen how much time they wasted because of it. You weren't going to make the same mistake. You had a whirlwind romance, engagement, and marriage that grew into a stable, enduring love. You had everything, a great career, a wonderful relationship, and you and your spouse had just welcomed a child when tragedy struck. And now, without your love, you don't know what to do. How will you go on?

-Enter and max out a career that is associated with beauty -Optional: if you have get famous, become a celebrity with a good reputation -Meet your spouse through your career -Date, get engaged to, and marry your spouse quickly (within 1-2 sim weeks) -Have a relationship with your spouse at the soulmate level -Have exactly one kid with your spouse -Before your kid is a teen, your spouse dies -Mourn your spouse for the rest of your life (at least 3 times weekly visit grave/urn) and never get into another romantic relationship -Optional: after spouse's death, change outfits to be all black for mourning colors (or what ever mourning colors are in your culture) -Neglect child emotionally because of your sadness (less than good friends level friendship) -Repair relationship with child after they move out and your grandchildren are born (they return the spark to your life)

Gen 5: Dandelion -resilience and recovery- Required trait: horse lover Optional: active, loves the outdoors, adventurous Career: Rancher/self employed Required aspiration: championship rider Style: western, rustic farmhouse decor, country

You grew up in the midst of a tragedy. All you remember is the dark cloud that seemed to surround your parent everywhere they went and the loneliness that came from all but raising yourself. As soon as you could, you got away, following your heart to the countryside. In the picturesque small town of chestnut ridge you built your own life, learning to ride the horses you had grown up loving, and making a living by building a ranch. The solitude of nature was like a balm to your wounded soul. Eventually, you fell for one of the locals and got hitched. They moved in to help grow your ranch and before long you were building a family as well. As you discovered the joys of parenthood, it brought your mind back to your own parent, and you started to wonder if those bonds could be reformed…

-move out to Chestnut Ridge as soon as you become a young adult -Complete the championship rider aspiration and max out the riding skill -Fall in love with an marry a sim you meet in Chestnut ridge with the rancher trait -Have 2-4 kids with your spouse -Optional: name one of your kids after your deceased parent -After your first kid is a toddler, start to reconcile with your parent (inviting them over to meet grandkids) -build back your friendship with your parent before they pass (good friends level or higher) -run a thriving ranch

Gen 6: (red) Carnation -justice- Recommended traits: good, hot headed, self assured Career: Politics, charity organizer branch Aspiration: any - ideas: neighborhood confident, city native Style: any - alt fashion would work well, esp. punk, dark colors with red accents also good

Life as a child in the countryside was idyllic, but you always had bigger dreams. Bright eyed and with a zest for life you moved to the city as soon as you could. But once there, your idealistic nature quickly shattered. The world wasn't as nice outside of your small town bubble. Rather than fall into despair over it however, you decided to rise to the occasion. You would dedicate your life to fighting for change and making the world a better place. Even if it was just a drop in the bucket, you would do everything you could to make a difference. After all, what better way to spend your time than speaking truth to power?

-move to San Myshuno as a young adult -Join and max out the charity organizer career -meet your spouse at a protest -fall in love and move in together, but don't get married -have at least one kid -join or start a protest at least once a week -have at least one wealthy enemy (bonus points if they are in the politician career or a landlord) -Optionally: have a midlife crisis / burnout (via growing together mechanics or imaginative storytelling) during adulthood and change your life around (stay in same career, but protest less and pick up a hobby, spend more time with family)

Gen 7: Iris -intelligence and prestige- Required trait: genius Optional traits: perfectionist, ambitious, neat, overachiever, loner, hates children, bookworm Career: something you associate with intelligence - ideas: doctor, scientist, law, engineer, astronaut Recommended aspiration: any in the knowledge group or bestselling author Optional: complete the goal oriented aspiration as a teen and the academic aspiration as a young adult Style: academia (dark or light), traditional, have at least one library / study in the home

Your parents were smart people, you'll give them that, but they didn't care enough to do anything with it! They could have been something great, but instead they decided to waste their time fighting for 'justice' without making any real change. You wouldn't be making that mistake. From an early age you dedicated yourself to your studies, determined to learn everything you possibly could and become someone important. Learning fascinated you, and you loved using your intelligence to figure out solutions to hard problems. This was what was important, not love, or family, or doing good, or whatever other nonsense your parents and grandparents believed. This was how you really changed the world, intelligently. Now just to get that one coworker of yours to stop pestering you at work and challenging your ideas. Wait, why do they want to meet you for coffee?

-Complete the mental aspiration as a child -Enter and max out a career related to intelligence - optionally: then switch careers and max out a second -max out at least four skills of your choice, writing and publishing skill books related to them as you do so (this may require you to max out the writing skill, if so this counts towards your four skills) -Date and marry one of your coworkers who also has the genius trait (bonus points if this is a former workplace rival) -Have exactly one child with your spouse via the science baby option -Be a strict parent (maintain this family dynamic if you have growing together) and be emotionally distant from your kid (less than good friends friendship level ideally) -If you have discover university, attend university and complete the academic aspiration before beginning a career

Gen 8: Lotus -rebirth and self-love- Required trait: high maintenance Recommended: perfectionist Career: start in something you see as a high stress job - ideas: salary person, business, anything that uses the logic skill - then switch to making money via spa day activities Aspiration: any or all in the wellness category Style: minimalist, biophilic (plant parent), 'zen'

To say your parents had high expectations growing up would be putting it lightly. Nothing you ever did seemed good enough for them. Even so, you continued to try, pushing yourself towards excellent grades and into a career (and relationship) they would approve of. It was hard but you were managing it, and you kept pushing and pushing until… One day you just couldn't do it anymore! You quit your job, ended your relationship and changed trajectories. Now you are focused on healing and self-love, and on helping others on their self love journey as well. It might take some time, but you are learning to be happy with yourself. Next, to start building a new family, one you'll be happy to be a part of.

-maintain an "A" level grade throughout your education -Enter a high stress career as a young adult -Start a relationship with someone in a 'respectable' career as a young adult (you decide what counts as 'respectable') - if you have growing together you should have bad compatibility with this person -sometime during young adulthood (bonus if after in game burnout) while your sim is feeling badly (tense, angry, uncomfortable, or sad), quit your job and end your relationship -Optional: before this switch dress and decorate in your parents style, afterwards, change to your own style -Switch to a wellness career - continue this until retirement -max out wellness skill -complete at least one of the wellness aspirations -marry someone you meet at the spa -have 1-3 children with them

Gen 9: Lavender -family and home- Required trait - at least one of three: loner, paranoid, socially awkward Recommended traits: family oriented, foodie, loves the outdoors, animal enthusiast Career: make money through cooking and/or baking - this can involve running a bakery, the culinary career, or using the food stall from home chef hustle OR be a stay at home parent and partner makes money Choose one or more of the following aspirations: Appliance whiz, master chef, country caretaker, super parent Style: French country, cottage core, pastels

You grew up in a peaceful and tranquil home with caring and kind parents. Lucky for you because as it turns out - the rest of the world? Not so peaceful. Being outside your home and surrounded by strangers was always stressful for you, and as you grew up you learned to retreat towards the things you knew: your family, your pets, and the delicious things you loved to cook. Another support for you was always your best friend turned love; you've promised to stay by each other's side through thick and thin and you can’t wait to build a home together. Will these supports help you get through the stresses of adulthood? Will be able to find and build a home that's peaceful and safe for your new family? Only time will tell…

-From teenagehood to death have at least one pet at all times (including non household animals like cows) -Marry your childhood best friend / high school sweetheart and stay together until death do us part -max out the cooking skill (and baking if you have get to work) -have 3-5 kids with your spouse -maintain best friends level friendship with all kids, spouse, and any cats or dogs you have -don't maintain friendships with anyone outside the household (this can change when you switch to playing sunflower gen if need be) -make sacked lunches for all family members at least twice a week -Make money through food (chef career, bakery, or food stall) OR be a stay at home parent -Recommended: live in Henford-on-Bagley -Max out one or more of the following aspirations: Appliance whiz, master chef, country caretaker, super parent

Gen 10: Sunflower -friendship and loyalty- Required trait: loyal and choose at least one of: cheerful, outgoing, generous Career: any Aspiration: one or more in the social category Optional: Additionally complete successful lineage or big happy family and continue gameplay Style: any - home with lots of space for hosting gatherings, yellow as a focus color would be a good choice

You had a pretty perfect childhood - supportive parents, siblings to play with, space to roam, the whole nine yards. Only… it was still a little lonely. There's a whole world out there, and as much as you love your parents, they didn't really expose you to it, preferring to stay home. Well, you're grown up now, and you are going to bring the world to your family and your family out into the world. There's so many cool people out there and you are going to be friends with them all.

-Complete the social aspiration as a child -Maintain a group of friends (use club system if you have get together) your whole life, adding members as you age and make more friends -maintain good friends level friendship with all club members -Fall in love with and marry someone with the family oriented trait -have at least two kids -take at least one family vacation -maintain friendship levels with all family members (siblings, parents, spouse, kids) at at least the good friend level -host family and friend gatherings frequently - if you have growing together: have a family reunion at least every 4 sim weeks - if you have seasons: host gatherings for every relevant holiday (e.g. no gathering needed for lottery day or love day, but harvestfest yes) -Optional: have one parent die as an elder and move the other in to live with you and your family, take care of them until they die -Optional: have a pet dog all your adulthood -Recommended: complete an aspiration in the family category as well (successful lineage or big happy family) - this will require continuing to play a bit beyond the 10th generation

[kittybobitty]

Ranking the Danmei I Read this Year

I got into Danmei this February, and wanted to do a top 5, but then realized I'd only read 5 this year lol, so instead I'm going to rank them from least favorite to most. So without further ado:

5. The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish

I picked this one up just because it sounded so ridiculous and funny, and never expected it to be so sweet! It's pure fluff and love. I've only ranked it low because it's just very low stakes compared to the rest of the series on the list. It's a great read in between much higher stakes series that constantly feel like they're ripping my heart out. I love Li Yu's character and how in love with him Prince Jing is. I'm looking forward tk getting the final volume next year!

4. Heaven Official's Blessing

We all know it and love it for a reason. I was absolutely enamored by hualian's love story. I love the lack of relationship drama because they trust eachother so completely, and I think it has one of the best confession scenes of any media ever. However, I did rank it lower because I didn't find the ending completely fulfilling. I know MXTX is doing an amended version and I'm anxious about her removing some characters but I am curious to see if I find the ending any better.

3. The Scum Villain's Self Saving System

It made me laugh so much, and then volume 3 broke my heart. I really love how related Shen Yuan is. It is MXTX's first series and it does feel like it is her first in a lot of ways, but this series has so much heart. I honestly would love to see more of the world explored, because I think it's so vast and interesting.

2. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun

I LOVE this series. I love our himbo protag living in the regret of his previous life, I love how much of a hopeless romantic CWN is behind his cold exterior and damn, it's good spice. I am spoiler free and have not even read volume 7 yet (it arrives tomorrow!) But it's definitely the longest series I've read, I belive it will have 11 volumes in total. I'm really looking forward to seeing how it turns out, but until then, I will keep all the related tags blocked haha

1. The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Anyone who follows my blog probably wouldn't be surprised by this. The series with too many titles, MDZS, was my first danmei and still sits atop as my favorite. I see a lot of myself in Wei Ying. His story breaks my heart, but his love story with Lan Wanji heals me. I love their dynamic, their relationship to the juniors, and their devotion to each other. I was to keep experiencing this series in new ways; I already am collecting the webcomic, I've started watching the donghua (and I'd like to buy it) and I will eventually watch The Untamed. Theres also the new stage play happening soon (no idea how I'll see that) and me hoping and praying for someone to pick up the manga for publication in the west. I love Wangxian so much!

And that's all I've read thus far. I know it's kinda basic as far as danmei go, but everyone has to start somewhere! I would love recommendations for what to read next. I do prefer the cultivation storyline, but I'm also open to Palace Dramas. I'm not particularly interested in Modern stories.

I'm likely to pick up Thousand Autumns soon, and I've heard Remnants of Filth is in the same universe as Erha, so I may also check it out. Feel free to leave other recommendations (please also note I'm currently only interested in series that have been published as books in the US, and not interested in reading fan-translations)

Happy new year everyone!

[calliesmemes]

BRIDGERTON SEASON ONE (EPISODES 5-8)

DIALOGUE SENTENCE STARTERS PULLED FROM SEASON ONE OF NETFLIX’S SERIES BRIDGERTON, ADAPTED FROM NOVELS BY JULIA QUINN.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Are you feeling better, dearest? ”

“   You do not seem pleased. Whatever is wrong? ”

“   I knew there was something between you! ”

“   Well, tell me. Tell me everything! ”

“   You do not need to tell me anything. ”

“   You are getting what you always wanted. ”

“   It will be the grandest wedding of the year. ”

“   Has something happened? ”

“   I believe you will know what love feels like soon enough. ”

“   You think I am to follow in your footsteps? ”

“   Can there be a more dreadful fate? ”

“   The only thing I am grateful for is that I am not you, nor will I ever be. ”

“   I thought we shared an understanding with our discussions of the future. ”

“   My goodness! If anything, I am the one forcing him. ”

“   Love is surely the greatest force of all. ”

“   Nothing can stand between us. ”

“   It was a pleasure to know you. ”

“   I look forward to counting you as part of our family. ”

“   She does not owe me anything. ”

“   Have you not done enough? ”

“   I applaud you. I bring you flowers on each of my visits, and yet you still react with admirable surprise every time. ”

“   I shall need to bring you something unexpected. ”

“   Her happiness is your greatest concern. ”

“   I promise you will not be disappointed. ”

“   Oh, I do hope your wedding dress will be ready in time. ”

“   While you may be content to accept defeat, it is certainly not how I approach things. ”

“   I take that duty with the utmost seriousness. ”

“   You have always been a terrible shit. ”

“   Surely we must be able to do something? ”

“   Now, where is the dinner I was promised? ”

“   Please, come in. Make yourself at home. ”

“   Apologies. Have we met? ”

“   I see my reputation precedes me. ”

“   Feelings are irrelevant. Indeed, they're responsible for this mess. ”

“   You will seduce him? ”

“   He is not so little anymore. ”

“   After your meal, perhaps we could take a walk, like we used to do. ”

“   It is quite late for you to be up, too, is it not? ”

“   If you're nervous about the wedding, you need not worry. ”

“   I am not quite sure what you believe I am to do about it. ”

“   It was not love at first sight for either of us. ”

“   We found something far greater. We found friendship. ”

“   Her laughter brings me joy. ”

“   To meet a beautiful woman is one thing, but to meet your best friend in the most beautiful of women is something entirely apart. ”

“   I want her to be my wife. ”

“   Do you wish to marry this man? ”

“   I suppose congratulations are in order ”

“   I do hope you will remember my kindness in keeping secrets and repay me someday. ”

“   You can choose anyone but him. ”

“   Perhaps you would find it acceptable for me to live my life with a man who treats me like a mere beast? ”

“   I am beginning to feel a bit faint. ”

“   We should not be alone in here. ”

“   I know we have only known each other a short while, but… well, would you want to marry me? ”

“   You deserve a grand wedding. ”

“   I must say, I am honored and most grateful for your presence. ”

“   I hope you made the right choice. ”

“   You certainly enjoy spreading secrets, do you not? ”

“   Dear child, have you lost your wits? ”

“   I am flattered by your accusation, but it is simply not true. ”

“   What evidence have you gathered? ”

“   Tell me what you know. ”

“   What happened the other night? ”

“   I suppose I have put this conversation off for as long as I can. ”

“   Well, what do you recommend? ”

“   I'm sure you'll enjoy the peace and quiet. ”

“   I am going to miss all of you terribly. ”

“   I have a present for you. ”

“   I know we could not be any more different, but there is one thing we do share. ”

“   We need to rest before continuing on in the morning. ”

“   We should go down to dinner. ”

“   You have avoided my presence. ”

“   You have said all but a few words to me. ”

“   I could not bear witness to the misery I have caused you. ”

“   I cannot stop thinking of you. ”

“   From the mornings you ease, to the evenings you quiet, to the dreams you inhabit… my thoughts of you never end. ”

“   I am yours. I have always been yours. ”

“   You look angry and bothered. ”

“   It is you I cannot sacrifice. ”

“   I burn for you. ”

“   It has been so long since we have been blessed with your presence. ”

“   I am looking forward to making your acquaintance. ”

“   I'm no good at those things. I'll only make a fool of myself. ”

“   May I have everyone's attention? ”

“   Do you think this is a joke? ”

“   You are an ass. Do you know that? ”

“   I must make a good impression. ”

“   I am certain there is much left to see. ”

“   I found myself in continual awe of their beauty. ”

“   I knew you were flirting with her, but you flirt with plenty of young ladies. ”

“   I am not sure I have ever seen you so solemn and serious. ”

“   I was not prepared to let another of you fly the nest so soon. ”

“   It pains me you should think every compliment a mockery. ”

“   You think so little of me, I cannot bear it. ”

“   Please do not tell me you regret it. ”

“   I cannot condone your actions. ”

“   I am afraid that is not possible. ”

“   You have such a unique accent, and yet I have never asked where you're from. ”

“   I am not fooled by your little act. ”

“   I am sure we can find a solution to these difficulties, and I thank you for bringing them to our attention. ”

“   Oh, there, there, there, child. No need to cry. ”

“   I did not realize my absence would be felt this way. ”

“   You know, oddly enough, when I am actually in the presence of children, I forget all about my own concerns. They are the easiest company in the world. ”

“   I have all that I want just here. ”

“   I am very sorry. But this plan of yours, I find it wanting. ”

“   What were your favorite pastimes in the country? ”

“   Oh dear, what can the matter be? ”

“   You really are very good. You know that? ”

“   My own father does not want me. ”

“   Fool that I am, I truly thought that with your family, I might finally find acceptance. ”

“   We shall make our own family, you and me. ”

“   It is all I want. It is all I want in the world. ”

“   I wish we could be married this very minute. ”

“   We just have to make it to the border. ”

“   Are you missing home? ”

“   I will ensure everything is in order. I will ensure everything is done properly. ”

“   Should I have worn a different dress? ”

“   Perhaps I might ask your opinion on something? ”

“   I know I am new to the role, but I cannot imagine what I have done wrong so soon. ”

“   I will correct my mistake at once. I…I had no idea. ”

“   I am so very grateful for your guidance. ”

“   His childhood was not always easy. ”

“   Everyone talked as though it was her fault. ”

“   I thought you loved him. ”

“   Your love is an unrequited fantasy. ”

“   I should not have stayed away so long. ”

“   I'm at the end of the world with you ”

“   I trusted you more than anyone in this world, and you took advantage. ”

“   "Cannot" and "will not" are two entirely different things. ”

“   You chose this for yourself. ”

“   I thought you were prepared. ”

“   You took my future from me, the one thing I wanted more than anything. ”

“   I would have died for you! ”

“   Do you know — I even felt pity for you? ”

“   The ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest scars. ”

“   What thing is more fragile than the human heart? ”

“   I have learned that a grave fraud is afoot. ”

“   Should I really deliver the message? ”

“   You cannot believe I shall welcome you back into my bed after your lies and deception? ”

“   I would never dream of concealing the truth of such important matters. ”

“   I must return to my family immediately. ”

“   I will not let you out of my sight. ”

“   Hush, child, all will be well. ”

“   We are in just as perilous a position. ”

“   Perhaps if she can destroy a reputation… she can restore one too. ”

“   This is an emergency. ”

“   We do not require your assistance. ”

“   This may be the answer to all of our problems. ”

“   Pretending that nothing is amiss is the perfect way to lure the ignorant into submission. ”

“   I know you must think me a fool, but my heart pays no heed to mere logic. ”

“   When I think of her, I only want to be near her, to be with her… despite all reason otherwise. ”

“   Perhaps I can arrange a rendezvous. ”

“   It follows no reason or sense, does it? ”

“   Where have you been all night? ”

“   Do you understand me? That we no longer trust each other? ”

“   Thank you for joining us. ”

“   I did not come here to be shamed by you, nor anyone else. ”

“   You may think me a villain, but I did what I thought I must. ”

“   No one ever truly helped me, or guided me in a different direction. ”

“   You wish to know the cruelest part of your deception? ”

“   I see now that was all a lie. ”

“   We should tempt scandal more often. ”

“   Your duplicity comes so naturally. ”

“   Improvement is all a matter of practice. ”

“   How are you faring? ”

“   You have not heard what people have been saying. ”

“   All will be well again, I promise you. ”

“   I am sure you wish to avoid any further unpleasantness. ”

“   Judge not, lest we too be judged. ”

“   Something troubles you. ”

“   I know you are a grown woman now, but I am still your mother, and you can come to me when you need advice. ”

“   Well, then, share your thoughts. ”

“   I am merely trying to be of help. ”

“   For what it is worth, I am sorry. ”

“   I came here to apologize to you. ”

“   I wish it had not happened this way. ”

“   Why should he be the one to choose your future? ”

“   Do you really want to be alone? ”

“   I am quite capable of doing more than you think. ”

“   I have defeated the best, and I'm confident I shall continue to do so. ”

“   I think you would be wise to leave. ”

“   We shall teach you the rules. ”

“   Seems I have been blessed with some beginner's luck. ”

“   Would you just get to the point? ”

“   Do you not ever get tired of pretending to be so perfect? ”

“   We may not be perfect, but at least we keep our promises. ”

“   I'm trying to be a man of my word. ”

“   Well, you certainly make it look difficult. ”

“   Tell me why you are so adamant. ”

“   Your help is greatly appreciated, but there is nothing more you can do. ”

“   I’m not exactly in the mood for music and finery this evening. ”

“   I may have been a trifle harsh with you. And I'm sorry. ”

“   So you admit it now? You were acting a fool? ”

“   You may hurt now, but the pain will pass. ”

“   We live under constant threat of danger. ”

“   I risk my life every day for love. ”

“   It takes courage to live outside the traditional expectations of society. ”

“   I'm not bound by the rules of society. ”

“   You know not the future that awaits. ”

“   Don't you touch me. Stay away! Just leave me alone! ”

“   This time next week, our ruse will be well and truly over. ”

“   I shall begin practicing straightaway! ”

“   I would have expected this from anyone but you. ”

“   I am sorry for everything I have done and said. ”

“   I know I do not always say the right things, and then the things I do say, well… They are not always what you wish to hear. ”

“   However difficult forgiving someone may be, it is necessary to move forward. ”

“   However are we supposed to move forward from there? ”

“   I have come bearing grim news today. ”

“   I thought him a villain, but he was not. ”

“   We do not need to have this conversation. ”

“   You may not understand this now, but I am doing this for your own good. ”

“   You will be better off without me. ”

“   I cannot fight forever. ”

“   I merely showed him what he was capable of all along. ”

“   You still managed to put on quite a performance. “

“   What ever could be more honorable besides taking care of one's family? ”

“   You’re angry, but not with me. ”

“   What is this? And more importantly, how did you get it? ”

“   I believe I need a doctor. ”

“   This is preposterous and fantastical. ”

“   I want you there by my side. ”

“   For someone who hates ballgowns… you look exquisite in one. ”

“   I am merely glad you came. ”

“   I suppose I should thank you. ”

“   We did not expect to see you here. ”

“   Are you enjoying your evening? ”

“   I did not see it at first, but I know you were only trying to prevent me from heartache. ”

“   I wish to tell you something. ”

“   It was actually you who inspired me. ”

“   Oh, um… What was it you wished to say? ”

“   I need you to take me somewhere. ”

“   My imagination was the furthest I could allow myself to go. ”

“   I am looking out for myself. ”

“   What I know is that you are lost, and I cannot allow you to set me adrift as well. ”

“   It is a choice, dearest, one that is never too late to make. ”

“   I cannot tell you how much peace and comfort that brings to me. ”

“   There is nothing you cannot do. ”

“   I know that this is not what you had envisioned for the evening. ”

“   Just because something is not perfect does not make it any less worthy of love. ”

“   He made you believe that you needed to be without fault in order to be loved, but he was wrong. ”

“   I am tired of pretending. ”

“   I cannot continue acting as if I… as if I do not love you. ”

“   I love all of you, even the parts that you believe are too dark and too shameful. ”

“   You may think you are too damaged and too broken to ever allow yourself to be happy, but you can choose differently. You can choose to love me as much as I love you. ”

“   I do not want to be alone. ”

[maniiaccs]

Safety

Hii! This is my first fic here, I hope all of you enjoy it, sorry if the end feels a bit rushed or OC for Aaron, if you have any advice I will be more than happy to read it. Hope you like it!

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

(˖𓍢ִ໋🦢+⊹𐙚)

Tw:Deprecating mental health.

Aaron Hotchner finds himself at his lowest after his divorce, and after months of seeing the same therapist, he can't help but wonder if he ever felt so safe with someone else.

Word count: 2445

He knew exactly when it all went down. The day he stopped being a great boss and agent to become an aggressive and somber shell of whom he used to be. The neat and hardworking persona he put on at work became a disheveled and unapproachable figure that preferred to be alone at all times, snapping at little things that normally would've made him laugh.

He didn't feel like Aaron Hotchner anymore, he just felt like a failure, he failed as a husband, he failed as a boss, and most importantly he failed as a father. When Haley finally decided to divorce him he understood her, after all who would want a stranger as a husband; he wasn't a stranger when they met, and he wasn't a stranger when they got married; he knew Haley used to love him, she used to love the Aaron she knew, but the man she was married to nowadays wasn't someone she recognized.

But she wasn't the only one that felt that way, his colleagues couldn't comprehend his eyes anymore, they were profiles, they were aware that Aaron was gone, and Haley took him with her the day the divorce papers were sent to his office.

Jason felt bad for his long time friend, he knew what loss felt like, but seeing the someone you love building a new life without you in it?, he couldn't relate to that, but he could bet on the fact that it could be more painful to deal with, after all when someone dies you can rely on the fact that their last memories were with you, but when they live? You just become a part of them, an afterthought that maybe comes back sometimes but gets pushed away by their new special one.

Jason also knew that he couldn't be in the team anymore, his happiness also long gone. But he wanted to give his friend a last piece of advice.

-"You're not fooling anyone Aaron"

-"I'm not trying to-"

-"Stop; as your friend, I beg you to let me help you Aaron. I'm sorry, but I won't be here pretty soon, I don't want to leave you alone in this moment, but I also need to find myself again, the difference between you and me is that I know how I'm going to do it, you don't, and maybe, just maybe, talking with someone will help you" as he finished talking he gave Aaron a white card with a business number on it. And on closer inspection, he realized that it was a therapist number.

-"I won't do it. Good luck finding yourself Gideon, I wish you the best."

As he looked at the card in his hands he couldn't help but remember his friend, whom he was so cold with the last time they talked with each other; he regretted it, honestly, he regretted a lot of things he did since he lost control of his life, and he was sorry for all of it, so, to apologize to his friend in a way, he decided to go to the therapist he recommended him. It was a late decision, and he was aware, but better late than never, or at least that's what he told himself as he entered the small but cozy studio apartment used as an office, his profiler brain quickly went to analyze all the little things that were neatly placed in the office. From the dark green rug under his feet, to the small drawing the therapist had inside the front pocket of her jeans.

-"Welcome Aaron, my name is ____, I'm happy that you trust me enough to be here with me today."

She sent a reassuring smile his way, but he didn't find any strength in his to give her one back, merely nodding her way and loosening his tie the moment he started feeling the walls of the apartment closing in on him. He felt like a kid once again, when he would go to the therapist by his school request for being a problematic kid. Maybe that's why he was loosing his breath, or why his hands were shaking, he felt pathetic, an FBI agent on a therapist office, what a disgrace. He could practically hear Strauss firing him in this moment, what was he going to tell the team?, that he was, indeed, a failure with everything he did?, that he was going crazy?, that he's been in such a dark place mentally that he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror without hating what he saw in the reflection?, or maybe that the thought of sharing his self-deprecating thoughts with someone gave him panic attacks?. Oh god, he felt like he was going to vomit, was his vision clouding because he was going to faint?, no, he was going to cry, in front of a complete stranger, would she tell his superiors?. His thoughts never ending, giving him a migraine, his chest heaving with every sharp breath he took.

-"Aaron?"

She looked at him, concern clouding her expression as the man in front of her started having a panic attack in her office, he looked like he was completely lost in his mind, just like a kid would be if their emotions were too much to process for their tiny and naive brain. He looked exactly like that, like his emotions were taking a toll on him, as if he couldn't comprehend them, or maybe he could but didn't know how to come to terms with them.

-"Hey... It's okay, I know it hurts, you have to let it all out, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but we can start together, okay? You're not alone in this, Aaron, I'm here with you right now."

She took his hands in hers, giving his brain a new stimulus to focus on, placing one of them on her chest to give him instructions on his breathing, her voice soft and slow, making sure that he had the time to understand everything she was saying, now that she was crouched to his level she could see the way tears flowed from his brown eyes, it was like his body was finally freeing itself from months, or even years, of untended emotions, he was finally letting himself go, but it clearly was way too late for it not to be painful. So much time of putting himself last in his priority list, of giving everyone else everything that he had and not leaving any support for his own self. Every selfless action pulling him deeper into an abyss of darkness until he reached the bottom; and it was clear to her that the bottom was reached a long time ago.

-"Come on, let it all out, you deserve it."

Aaron could swear that in that moment he could see himself as a kid, but nor like he did when the panic attack started, no, it was different now. He felt, comforted? No, that isn't the word he's looking for. He felt safe. That's it, safe.

After that day Aaron felt like the weight of years of unresolved emotions came off of his shoulders, he couldn't thank her enough, for that day an those that came after, every week he went back to that office, no, he went back to her, to her safety, it wasn't an easy process, nor a quick one; it took time, patience and understanding to finally be able to find himself again. Now when he looked at himself in the mirror he could see Aaron, he saw himself, or a better version of himself. He could finally talk with Haley without feeling like his entire world was falling apart. Therapy made him realize that their relationship had been broken long before the divorce, but the fear of loosing what he knew was stronger that the lack of love he had for his wife.

He could also look at his team in the eyes, lead them like he used to, the connection that they had before became even stronger. The fundamental pillars in his life weren't broken anymore, he finally fixed the structure that was his mind, using the support around him to help him lift the weight of his problems instead of doing it all by himself.

Nowadays he was able to say that he was happy.

And for that he thanked the person in front of him, ____.

-"I'm so happy that your life is finally yours."

He smiled at her words; she was right, he was finally the owner of his life, he took the decisions that were best for him without apologizing to anyone. But one of the things that he realized once everything became clear in his mind was that the feelings that he had towards her weren't just professional, or fond, they went way further than that. He liked her, a lot, everytime he talked with her for the last few months he could feel his heart racing, but this time instead of panic it was pure and utter affection. He couldn't dare to call his feelings for her "love", that was one of the things he was afraid of nowadays, her rejection. The mere thought of her rejecting him made sick; but he knew that realistically their relationship was almost impossible, after all he was just one of her many patients, even if he felt special he was just another client for her and he had to come to terms with that.

-"I have to thank you for that, you gave me all the keys to help me be the best version of myself, thank you, really."

-"Oh please, I only gave you the advice, you helped yourself Aaron, if you want to thank someone, thank yourself."

With a smile on her face she thought about the months they spent working together, the memories she made with Aaron were one of the best she had; it had been so long since she felt such a strong urge to help someone that sometimes it even surprised her. As someone whose job was learning to accept their emotions and confront them in a healthy way, she knew since the beginning that the relationship that she wanted to build with Aaron wasn't the professional one that she should want to build, but she couldn't help it, the attraction that she felt towards him wasn't only physical, while getting to know him she slowly realized just how much she enjoyed spending time with him, hearing about his day, the way that they trusted eachother... She didn't do that with her other clients, and that ashamed her, what kind of therapist did that made her? clearly a bad one. Developing feelings for a client was just shameful.

-"Honestly, with all the progress you made I think that you don't need my help anymore Aaron. You're ready to do this without me, I'm sure."

That phrase broke both of their hearts, neither of them wanted to let the other go, but ____ knew that it was for the best, she was getting attached to Aaron, no, she was getting attached to her patient, and she could loose her job for that. And even though a small part of her brain told her that it would be worth it, her logical side was stronger in her decision making, after all it was her job to be able to do that, her emotions couldn't get the best of her, she had to be the logical par of those interactions, nothing else, and with Aaron that line was crossed the first day, she couldn't let that happen again.

-"No."

His voice sounded desperate, and he was, this couldn't end like that, he thought he was ready to let her go, that he knew getting away from her was the best option. But now that it became true he couldn't help the desperation building inside of him, he needed her, but not as a therapist, he needed her in his life, and if the feeling was hopefully mutual he was willing to do anything to be with her.

-"I... I can't let you go, at least not before I say this-"

-"Aaron... Don't make this any harder that it should be, please."

-"After I tell you this you have the right to do whatever you want to do, but please, let me tell you how I feel."

after a few second without any response from her part he took that as permission.

-"I know that I shouldn't feel this way about you, trust me, I do. But there's nothing I can do about it. I've never felt like this ____, whenever we talk I stop being an FBI agent, a team boss, a stuck up man that can't feel trust. When I'm with you I'm just Aaron Hotchner, a father, a friend... a man in love. When we're together I don't feel like I have to fake anything, and to this day I'm not sure about a lot of things, and I admit that it embarrases me as a grown man. But one thing that I'm sure about is that I love you ____, and I want to know how it would feel to go out with you, to have casual days with you, even to wake up with you by my side. And... If you feel the same way... Please, just please, give us a chance to be together, I'll stop being your client, I don't need you as a therapist anymore, I just need you as ____."

His heartfelt confession brought tears to her eyes, her logical side pushed away as her emotions took the best of her, she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. For the first time in years she felt like logic was stupid, if logic doesn't let her be happy with Aaron, then she's going to be the most illogical person in the world. Her heart hadn't beat so fast in her life, and the fluttering feeling in her chest could be compared to a teenage kind of love. But if life with Aaron Hotchner felt like this, she wanted all of it.

-"You're not going to be my patient anymore..."

-"I'm sorry, I shouldn't ha-"

-"You're just Aaron right now, and I'm just ____, so, if you want this could be our beginning."

Once he heard those words his body moved on his own, wanting to hold her close to him, grabbing her waist in a firm but gentle grip he brought her closer to him and kissed her lips with a passion that he didn't even know he had in him.

-"This is our beginning."

[marieracingteam]

Till then I will forever miss you – sv5

Sebastian Vettel x reader

word count: 1588

summary: In which Sebastian Vettel knew he couldn’t be friends with his ex-partner until he got his priorities straight.

The news about Sebastian Vettel’s retirement was out and everywhere. His video has already been shared more than a million times in the few days it has been out. So he guessed anyone with a minor interest in the sport knew who he was and what the future looked like to him now.

Or at least what they imagine his future would look like.

The reality is that not even Sebastian knew what life had in store for him.

He was a divorced thirty-something, with three daughters who lived away from him most of the year and an apartment that made him feel like a caged animal. He had 4 world championships and a full passport, but he also had 35 years behind him in which he felt that he had achieved nothing in his personal life.

He could try and blame his fast-paced professional life for his half-hearted personal life, but he couldn't deny that he was mostly to blame for his failed marriage to a wonderful woman, his poor parenting of wonderful daughters who adored him, and his too-modern home in a city he hated.

Since his divorce, he had dedicated all his energy to racing and fast cars, but he quickly discovered that his heart wasn't in it either. So he obviously knew that he should retire and leave that seat free for someone whose heart was at the wheel.

The worst thing was that Sebastian knew where his heart was, he just didn't know how to get to it. It just had been lost since 2015.

Without it, he had been floundering ever since. He had moved, he had pursued a different lifestyle, he had gotten married, he had even changed teams trying to find it, but he always knocked on the wrong doors only. The truth was that the closest he had been to happiness had been when his daughters were born, but by then he was no longer the man he wanted his daughters to learn from.

But now, he thought. Now he was free of the chains to which he had bound himself. Now he was finally starting to realize his mistakes and taking the right steps to correct them. Now he was ready to be the man he wanted to be, for himself and, most importantly, for his daughters.

After the last race of the season, Sebastian took the first flight to his native Germany and completely left behind his past life and the mistakes he had carried in it.

He bought a house in the country as he had always dreamed of and painted rooms with children's motifs for small beds and toys. He adopted a dog as his psychologist had recommended. And he dusted off the old cell phone that he always carried with him.

It was a long shot and he knew it, but it was the only thing he could think of to find peace and happiness.

In those long eight years, there was a good chance that she had changed her number or blocked him. Maybe she too had gotten married and had a life away from him, probably better than the one he could offer her.

Maybe she had forgotten him. Maybe he should have forgotten her.

But there was no chance, however remote, that he could live in a world in which she did not occupy his thoughts at all hours. He'd been a stupid kid when he'd let her get away thinking he could do it.

He had promised her father that he would do right by her and that is what he had tried to do all his life since he met her in school. His problem had been thinking that he was doing it when he let her go so that she could find happiness away from his chaotic life when she wanted to start a family and he could only think about lifting the championship cup with the red team.

He had been a fool thinking a trophy could give him more than a life with her and even more so for believing that she could be happier away from him.

And all for what? To end up forming a family far from hers? To have his heart searching for something that he knew he would only find with her? He was a fool and he had paid for it by being miserable for the next few years, thinking that his repentance was not enough to deserve her back.

Now, something about him had changed, although he wasn't sure what at the moment. He knew now. It had been the robbery he suffered during one of the Grand Prix he raced in which he lost the photo he kept of her in her wallet. He had hundreds more hidden in his house, but that one was special. That had been a gift from her after graduating from school, a photo that her parents had taken of them to remember their last day as classmates, and that she had wanted him to have to remember her if they were not classmates at high school.

Losing that photo had been the last blow he needed to get her life back in order. When he retrieved the empty wallet he could only kneel on the ground and cry for the life he had lost. And when he found it after hours looking for it in all the garbage containers in the city he knew to do something, even if it was for nothing.

Less than a year later he was a different man. What remained to be known is whether she was also a different woman. And what that meant to them.

After breaking up their relationship, they both accepted that they couldn’t be friends. Not when they knew what it felt like to be more. Not when they had never been friends.

Since they were six years old they had been best friends, lovers, confidants, each other's other half... but never friends. Now they were nothing, not even acquaintances who follow each other’s lives on social media. Despite having let her be free to find happiness elsewhere, Sebastian knew that he couldn't bear to see her happy away from him.

He thought he was sacrificing himself for her when in reality he had just condemned them both.

However, now he wanted to change it and his only asset was that old phone that he had kept as his most precious possession.

The only number still saved there was the one he used to call at all hours and that he still had memorized.

By the fourth ring, Sebastian was convinced he had lost his last hope. But she had always told him that a fifth championship awaited her. And there was no better victory in his eyes than that fifth tone that she cut to make way for the voice that always accompanied him.

“Hello?” she whispered in German.

“Hello” he whispered back and he felt like coming finally home “I didn't know if you had changed your phone number”

“I did” she confessed “but I kept the phone in case you ever called”.

Sebastian completely forgot the paper he held tremblingly in his hand with everything he wanted to say written down when he heard her.

“You did?” he dared to ask.

“Of course,” she said “who could I not?”

“I didn’t hope you would wait” It was difficult to hear her with her racing heartbeat in his ears, but Sebastian did his best to memorize every one of her words.

“I have always waited for your love, Sebastian”

At that he couldn’t hold any longer the tears that begged to break free from his eyes. A sob left his mouth. What had he condemned them to when he chose for her?

“Everything's fine. We have a lot to tell each other, it's fine. It was difficult for me, but I understood why you did it. It wasn't our time, we didn't know how to align our dreams. But I felt your love in your sacrifice. Everything is alright.”

Sebastian could only nod even if he knew she couldn't see him. Words could not come out of his mouth with his body paralyzed in the only chair he had for now in his new living room. That photo that she almost lost on her knee staring at him.

“I’m back” he gathered the strength to say.

“I know” he answered.

“I came back for you” was his time to confess.

She laughed timidly at that and more tears escaped his eyes. “I know”.

“Can I see you?” he begged.

There was a lot he hadn't asked. He didn't know anything about what his life had been like in those eight years, so he didn't even know if he could ask that question. But he had to do it now that he had worked up the courage to do it.

“Sebastian... I also tried to look for you elsewhere” she whispered again, probably afraid of what those words could mean for both of them.

“I don’t care, liebe. There's nothing you can say that will make me love you less”.

“I have my two boys with me till next month” she said.

“I have my daughters with me next week for a month too”.

She laughed again and he knew she also felt it. He knew that she felt that everything was fine now, that everything was finally falling into place.

They will be fine.

[pizzagame4000]

NOISETTE THEMED DOODLE DUMP ft. cheesecake and the spouses

copious hazel headcanons under the cut because i can’t help myself

first off: her name is Hazel 👍🏻 ik that’s a common one but it’s literally perfect… canon info to me

her favorite thing to do, besides making experimental food, is actually exercising! she’s an incredibly skilled acrobat and stunt artist, so she needs to be fit for that, but she also just enjoys letting the excess energy out bc she gets really cranky otherwise. she’s toned af and could wipe the floor with you - she doesn’t go around picking fights for no good reason, but if she did… heehee

she has such an unending well of passion for all of her interests that some find her to be too much but she dgaf… she’s unabashedly autistic and does NOT care if you don’t want to hear her infodump about obscure cheeseslime genetics, she will do it anyways

i like to think that, although she is very bubbly, she has an insane morbid streak that catches people off guard. she loves talking about anatomy and gross-out subjects to anyone who can stomach it, and cracks the most fucked up jokes - it’s one of the reasons her and noise get along so well. she is thinking about blood and guts because she thinks it’s interesting!!!! she will give you hyperspecific graphic threats of violence if you make her mad!!! teehee!!

i would put her at like… chaotic neutral but leaning towards good. she has an almost scientific fascination with violence and seeing what kinds of stress a body can take, and doesn’t mind watching shit unfold instead of helping… unless something actually super fucked up is going on (like way past canon typical pizza tower violence), she’s not going to bat for you lol she’s gonna grab a camera and clipboard

her interest in anatomy branches out into a love for biology, medicine and health in general - as much as she loves watching her boyfriend beat the shit out of some chump on live tv, she also loves studying how different creatures work and how to treat injuries. she almost became a doctor! but she didn’t like the rigid schedule and pressure, so she fostered her interest in dance and gymnastics, and went into television as a stunt double instead. that’s actually how she met noise! that’s why they look so much alike - she was told to inquire NTV for a job because of the resemblance. noise thought she was so cool she was asked to be his co-star instead, and they’ve been inseparable ever since.

sometimes she gets tired of the noisette persona, but she does genuinely like theo, so it’s hard. she’s been more busy with this NTV gig (that’s looking more like a full blown career) than she would like, so that’s why she opened her cafe - to do something else for once dammit!! she likes weird shit, food included!!!

i have two shipping scenarios i like, so consider these parallel universes - hazel x vigi, and hazel x vigi x noise

if you don’t like negative takes on the noise relationship i’d recommend skipping to 2 ^_^

1. her relationship with noise deteriorates bc noise can’t accept the fact that hazel doesn’t wanna be noisette all the time! they’re so busy, he barely even makes time for her anymore - he barely even tolerates her! it’s not until vigi comes into the picture that she realizes she doesn’t have to deal w that mess. but it sucks cuz noise isn’t just her bf, but also like!!! a big part of her career!!! and she does genuinely love him but he’s just!!! an uncommunicative ass!!! it culminates in hazel leaving him and crashing at vigi’s farm because fuck it, it’s her life she does what she wants. she will kiss the cheese AND rebuild her tv career, on her own terms this time baybee

2. noise and hazel still have that issue but they actually communicate like adults and fix their relationship problems, so none of that shit happens! happy ending! hazel has her own life and theo actually lets his gf know he loves her! woah! enter vigi, in: “we saw you across the bar and we really dig your vibe…” imagining vigi as a third to hazel and theo, completely out of his depth but too bisexual to care, is SO funny to me lol… like hazel and him are probably the only two together at first but over time he and theo warm up to each other more (gay intent) and it’s perfect

[guplia]

Hello anon! First of all, thanks for the ask! (asks? idk I received three anon asks at almost the same time, it would be weird if they didn't all come from the same person lol)

fic recommendations? read mine /hj Sure! Just note that while I've enjoyed a lot of wips, I'm only gonna recommend completed fics rn.

Okay! Here's all I can remember rn:

"Clouds" by youngmoInactive (fanfiction.net):

Original summary:

"Even though he's a hero, he's still a human. CONTAINS CHARACTER DEATH. A nice look into Kai's perspective as he watches a close friend slowly lose a fight for his life."

Okay all I've gotta say on this one is that IT MADE ME CRY. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Obviously I can't speak for everyone who read this fic but I think this will hurt Lloyd lovers. I have re-read it so many times to the point where I have half the fic memorised word-by-word. This is a must-read.

(if you're on the phone it's better to add "m." To the start of the URL)

"a day in the life of a fatherless child" by holographicknife (Archive of Our Own):

Original summary:

"lloyd has a panic attack *confetti* title suggested by my friend lol loosely based on a crack rp between friend and i   Warning for: mentions of suicidal thoughts and medication, explicit descriptions of a panic attack, including tight chest, difficulty breathing, nausea, and headaches. Proceed with caution."

This is a Kai And Lloyd fic, and I love Kai And Lloyd fics! Specifically ones where they address Lloyd's trauma from Morro and where Kai comforts him. So if anyone's into this sort of stuff I'd recommend it!

"A Courageous Escape" by Lilac_Lily234 (Archive of Our Own):

Original summary:

"In the midst of possession Morro hatred flows freely as he seeks to make Lloyd suffer for taking what he believes as his rightful title, but his cruelty know no bounds; Lloyd however refuses to give up but knows that time is running out, and in his desperation will find either salvation, or death.  - I don't own Ninjago, this is an au"

Ahem... once again, Lloyd goes through pain. A season 5 canon-divergent AU, from which my favourite part was... you guessed it! Lloyd having a panic attack and being comforted! But it's still a cool story besides too, season 5 being one of the best seasons imo.

While this fic is finished, the AU is not but I think this one has a good ending on its own.

"Out for revenge" by lloyd_slander (Archive of Our Own):

Original summary:

"Harumi’s plan to resurrect Lord Garmadon failed, during her time in Kryptarium prison she heard about Morro, the master of wind, and guy who had managed to make Lloyd’s life a living hell. Wanting revenge, she doesn’t stop from anything, not even from getting Morro back from the dead. Or The duo we always wanted, but never got. Lloyd is in for a hard time. Head the tags, guys!"

Okay. This one is rated Mature for drug usage and blood (there was nothing sexual though)

So it's a Morro traumatising Lloyd fic again, but this time he's with Harumi! So it's double trouble for Lloyd! (things go VERY BAD for him >:3)

Honestly I can't say much except read the fic, the summary's right there lol.

"Revealed" by Nation_Ustria (Archive of Our Own):

Original summary:

"Lloyd Garmadon is used to being hated. That's just how his life works—if someone knows that he's the son of the warlord who attacks Ninjago City on a weekly basis, they hate his guts. That's why he's made sure that his team—the only people he's ever been happy with—don't know who he is behind the mask, with the small price attached that he doesn't know their identities, either. It's not like they know each other's, anyways, so it's not a big deal. But then they find out. The fact that Lloyd's elemental power makes him an empath doesn't help, either. Basically the premise of the movie pre-reveal with show elements and personalities, and Lloyd's Green Power is him being able to sense and be influenced by the emotions of those around him."

Okay so here's a fic without Morro! (that's cause it's in the movie-verse) Another type of fanfic I like reading is where Lloyd in tlnm keeps his identity secret from the other ninja and it ends up getting revealed (like this one.).

I've seen this fic being recommended more than once and it's one of the fics with the most kudos in the entire fandom on AO3! So 2000 others agree with me on how awesome this fic is!!!

"What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" by @crystaleclipse10 (CrystalEclipse on Archive of Our Own)

Original summary:

"Lloyd batted Red's hand away. “’m fine.” His head pounded, but at least it was quiet and dark. His hair tickled his nose. “What happened?” “We…didn’t get out in time,” Red whispered. “The missile exploded. We got everyone else out, though.” Lloyd relaxed and slumped forward as pure relief washed over him. They’d done it. They’d beaten Garmadon’s game. They’d freed the civilians and survived. Didn’t feel great, though. ~OR~ Lloyd and Kai get trapped under a building when it collapses, both injured. Angst and bonding ensue."

So it's another tlnm au fic! And this one has Kai And Lloyd bonding specific so I like it!!!

As I was reading this when it was still being updated I was very excited every time a new chapter would come out and my heart hurt for Lloyd each time! It IS worth the read! Just note that while tis fic is completed, the au is not.

"Officer Smith, Do You Copy?" by @hijabiwriter (same username on Archive of Our Own):

Original summary:

"Everyone has their reasons for becoming a police officer. Maybe they were forced. Maybe the profession stood out to them. Maybe they had some experience that prompted the idea of becoming a police officer. But that's only a few reasons. There are others, too. Like for instance, one of these officers is out for revenge."

This fic is entered around Nya, who's a police officer alongside Jay, Cole and Lloyd (for some reason Zane is not in this au/fic). Anyways her dark secrets are explored in every other chapter alongside the progressing story, and of course, an explanation is given to everything in the end.

On a personal note this is the fic where I left my first comment on my Ao3 account lol (the historic moment is on chapter 13!!!)

"Too Late to Say Goodbye" by @greenamethyst16 (same username on Archive of Our Own)

Original summary:

"Kai gets stabbed and Lloyd helps him... :D"

I think length-wise this is the shortest fic on the list but that doesn't make it bad!!! Basically Lloyd downplays his injuries and there are consequences... :D

"All the ways I say "I love you"" by @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off (Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 on Archive of Our Own)

Original summary:

"Cole loves his team. They're his family and he does everything in his power to keep them safe and steady. He does his best to let them know he cares about them in every way but one.  Or  Seven times Cole couldn't quite say "I love you," and the one time he could."

Note: This story can only be read if you're logged in on AO3.

I like this fic because it encouraged me to remind my own irl friends how much they mean to me. In this story Cole believes that he's "the rock" of the team, and hence he doesn't show his emotions much. He's never told even one of them that he loves them and thinks that they deserve better than him. So stuff happens after that :D

Okay, I've read a lot more than this but this is all I'm gonna write about now cause I'm tired and I think this post has became too long. But if you wanna read more just check out the profiles of the writers! I haven't read everything myself but most of them have other good Ninjago fics to read!

If I've tagged you or mentioned your fic and you want it removed just let me know! I have no problem with removing it! :D

[rayllurn]

What "The Dragon Prince" Means to Me

There's been a lot going on in my life recently, and I haven't had much time or energy to contribute to s7 hype, but on the eve of our final season, I do want to reflect on what The Dragon Prince means to me. (Cue long-winded personal essay no one cares about LOL).

Growing up, my parents always made me feel weird and ashamed about my interests, telling me the shows I watched were "dumb" or that I was "too old to watch that." When I was 14, I literally watched ATLA for the first time on our family computer on some random website when no one was home, and I would delete the browsing history so my family wouldn't see it and judge me (....some 14-year-olds were deleting porn history and I was out there deleting cartoon watching history LMAO).

Anyway, I decided at some point that no one could know what my interests were or that I watched cartoons/anime. I went to college and was absolutely terrified of not fitting in and being deemed "weird" by my roommate (she thought I was weird regardless lol). I actually had this belief that if I ever got married, I wouldn't even tell my spouse about watching cartoons or anime. Then, I met my college friends, who were into more niche stuff too, and my (now husband) who was really into Dragon Ball (which I learned after we'd been dating for a few weeks). I reluctantly opened up to him about the things I was interested in, and he thought it was all really cool and wanted to watch them with me (and enjoyed watching them with me!).

We've been together since 2015 and have been living together since 2017, so on September 14, 2018, when I was browsing Netflix and "The Dragon Prince" was recommended to me, I watched the trailer and was immediately hooked. And I called him into the living room and showed him the trailer and was like "wanna watch this with me?" And he was like "heck yeah!" And we've watched every season together since.

I think in a lot of ways, this was the first show where I've felt comfortable talking with others about my interest in it, largely thanks to personal growth and just finding my people. I've loved every bit of the show, supplementary material, memes, etc. that I've seen over the past six years, and this has been, hands down, the best fandom experience I've ever had. Apart from getting to enjoy the show with people I love, I've met so many amazing folks on tumblr whom I admire and really enjoy chatting with.

Some personal highlights for me over the years:

Learning how to make gifs

Going absolutely batshit crazy over rayllum in season 3

The 2020 virtual SDCC panel where they announced seasons 4-7

The time they randomly dropped season 5 like a week early

The official rayllum Valentine's Day art!!!

The Valentine's Day takeover earlier this year (where all of the tdp couples got Hozier songs lol)

The mustache wars

Screaming over 06x06

That time we all thought Rayla was fake

And much, much more!

Six years is a long time, and, while I was an adult when the show started, I've definitely grown up in this time period in a lot of ways, having experienced a lot of major life events:

I got engaged

I got married

I got promoted at work

We bought a house

We've adopted two dogs and a cat (one of my dogs is named Stella after tdp)

We've encountered some major losses and hardships, which have made us stronger individually and together

And, this June, we're expecting our first child (provided everything keeps going well!)

So to me, my Dragon Prince era has been about personal growth and learning to accept and love who I am. It's been about leaning into my interests and passions and learning new things (like making gifs!). Life is seriously too short to give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Be unapologetically you! <3

It's been an honor blogging with you all, and happy season 7 watching!

[bella-rose29]

arms length

locklyle

based on arms length by KiNG MALA (would recommend listening to it while you read, but you don't have to!)

this is not happy (again, I'm sorry)

ALSO SPOILERS FOR POST HOLLOW BOY

word count: 1,091 words

warnings: SPOILERS, not at all happy, I think that's it? also it's been a while since I read the books so possible inaccuracies

lockwood and co master list

Lockwood thinks that he might be about to die. 

He can’t tell anyone, of course, because they’ll tell him to just get over himself and suck it up, but having to be cordial with Lucy sends a pain through his chest that hurts more than when he’d been shot. Nothing much has changed other than he has to be less familiar with her, more formal, but he hates it.

George had noticed the subtle shift in Lockwood’s behaviour towards Lucy after she had left the agency.

The first meeting in public after her departure had been horrible, pretending to be something other than whatever they had been before, especially since finding out that she’d left had ripped Lockwood’s carefully pieced together heart right open again. She’d been polite, nice even, but somehow that had made it worse. George had been nice back, if a little biting, and Holly had been… well, he wasn’t really sure. Lockwood had been too busy trying to make his smile not look fake to fully focus. It felt like he was the only one who could see that he was dying, a knife thrust into his side with every half-hearted kind word Lucy said and twisting when she walked away.

He wanted to reach out, call after her and ask where she was going like she was still a member of Lockwood and Co. He knew he couldn’t, but it didn’t stop his fingers twitching at his side ready to lift up and grip her jacket. 

He wouldn’t let her go again if he caught her.

For now, while he was bleeding out from the metaphorical knife, he would have to stay here in Portland Row. He couldn’t chase after her, not when he was the reason she had left, but he wouldn’t back off. No, he would stay where she’d left him at arms length from her, just in case she ever wanted to come back. He was probably delusional in thinking she would given how abruptly she’d left, but Lockwood was nothing if not hopeful. 

That didn’t reflect in his actions, he supposed. While he’d been acting as though Lucy was twisting a knife between his ribs, he actually was bleeding out. George had tried to warn him during their case earlier that night about the Visitor creeping up behind him but he hadn’t listened, or cared. It frightened him a little how nonchalant he was about his life now that Lucy wasn’t around, but from the way George was treating his wound in silence Lockwood realised it was probably frightening his friend too. Holly had hovered at the door to the bathroom, jittery enough to look like a ghost herself before George had told her to go to bed. He hadn’t said a word since other than directing Lockwood, and the quiet scares Lockwood.

He wishes he could get closer to her, find out why she’d gone, get closure or something, but he knows he can’t. He knows that all he and Lucy can be now is two agents out of each other’s orbits.

Lockwood convinces himself that she’s gone now, that she isn’t around to make his heart skip a beat or his smile grow a little wider when she enters a room, but it’s difficult to think that when all that’s on his mind is Lucy. He gave his heart to her the moment she first entered the living room for her interview, and he knew he would be hers from then on.

He would wait here for her until she needed him.

~~~

Not for the first time, Lockwood turns over in his head the possible reasons that could’ve made Lucy leave. 

It’s a terrible time to be thinking of these things, given he has an early morning start and it’s already 3 a.m., but he can’t help it. He wonders if someone had beaten him to it, had asked her out before he’d gained the courage to stop simply smiling softly at her and cutting the crusts off of her toast the way he knew she liked. He thinks about the day he’d seen Kipps talking to her on the corner, asking her out for a coffee, and knows he can’t get mad about it. Sure, they were rivals, but Lucy was a human being and her own person. She could go for coffee with someone.

He thinks of his own behaviour, how he’d been risking his life since she’d left and barely caring for himself, and wonders if that had been the final straw. If it had been too much for her to watch. He knows they’d never talked about it, but he’d been sure that they’d both seen their relationship as walking a tightrope between friends and something more. Maybe that line had been too much too. 

Lockwood turns over in bed and wonders if he had been the only one to think that.

~~~

He doesn’t blame her, of course. How can he? He’s still thinking about it four months later as he climbs the stairs to her flat, and hesitates outside the door. He’d practically begged whatever powers existed for a reason to see her again, properly, but now he’s here he’s not sure he has the courage.

Eventually something makes him knock, and he hopes he looks just as he did when Lucy had still been part of his agency when she appears: put together and not on death’s door.

~~~

The conversation had been so different and yet so painfully like it always had been, and on his way out Lockwood can’t help but think how it’s a shame that they’ve strayed from each other. People change, he knows, but he’s not sure he likes the way he and Lucy have gone from being like a roaring fire to the embers left over when there’s nothing left.

He’ll be here for her all the same, and in the case they have coming up he’ll make sure he doesn’t leave her stranded the way he feels he must have done before. He’ll keep his distance, of course. He doesn’t want to scare her off already, not when he just got her close enough again. Arms length sounds good, if unbearable. It’s where Lucy left him, and it’s where he’ll stay until she reaches out.

Anthony Lockwood had signed his heart and soul off to Lucy Carlyle the moment he met her, and he knows that whatever happens, she’ll keep them both. 

Arms length would hurt, but he would wait here for her until she needed him.