#WOOF THAT WAS A LOT OF TYPING

[fowlaroundtown]

MIDDLE AGED MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MASTER POST!!!

Table of Contents:

Synopsis

Line Ups

Protagonists Bois

Other Major Characters

Mini comics (in chronological order)

Other Links

Okay cool now that that’s out of the way, I’m putting all of this under a cut lol.

Synopsis

Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles (MAMNT) is a tmnt au created by @hamburgrr and myself! The premise is simple:

After a brutal attack from the Shredder, resulting in both his own and Splinter’s death, the Turtles drift apart. They go their own seperate ways— Mikey traveling the world, Donnie perusing academics, Raph retiring to a quiet life, and Leo moving in with (a happily married) Casey and April to continue to protect New York. However, nothing can last forever, and after nearly thee decades of silence, a new evil has begun to threaten the Hamato Clan yet again.

Can this family heal its broken relationships? Or will do many years of Turmoil prove to difficult to heal from? What have they even been doing this entire time? Find out in MAMNT!

Line Ups:

Time period: Mid 90s ish

Time Period: Late 90s ish

Time Period: Late 2010s - Early 2020s ish

Protagonist Bios (in order of Age):

April O’Neil

April O’Neil isn’t exactly what you’d call normal. She’s got four turtle brothers, a vigilante spouse, a genius of a daughter, and isn’t exactly human herself. April is an empath— able to feel other people’s emotions through touch. This, along with a few other psychic abilities (minor telekinesis and VERY minor mind reading abilities)— while useful— can be very overwhelming. As to why she has these abilities…. Honestly, she’s not sure. Just was born with them. April is charismatic, kind, and very rambunctious. When it comes to her family, there’s nothing she isn’t willing to do.

Check out April’s design notes here!

Casey Jones

By night Casey Jones patrols the street, taking down anyone that has the nerve to cause shit in their city. By day though? They’re a stay-at-home-Dad/building mechanic with a mean recipe for mac ‘n cheese and the most supped-up car on the block. Just the way they like it. They may be a little trigger happy, but at the end of the day they are a creative, scarily loyal, and fun-loving dude who’s maybe alittle too proud of the family they’ve found for themself. They’re a meathead with a left hook you do NOT wanna mess with, but a good person.

Check out Casey’s design notes here!

Hamato Michelangelo

Mikey is a little bit lost, to be honest. He’s been for most of his life— but usually pretty happy for it. He’s been traveling so long without direction that actually having a mission is a little bit….. scary. In general, Mikey is a very chill, level headed dude just looking for a good time, and even better company. He’s charismatic, maybe a little immature, but very brave when it matters.

Check out Mikey’s design notes here!

Hamato Donatello

Donnie does not have time for this. Between his job as a Biologist, raising his own unruly teenager, and hiding the fact that he is a giant mutant turtle from just about everybody in his life, saving the world isn’t that high on his list of priorities. That being said, if it involves his younger brothers… he’ll go along with it. Despite his cold disposition, Donnie is a genuinely kind, loyal, and deeply caring individual. He is very hard working (sometimes detrimentally so) individual, and enjoys gardening, good music, and minor biological warfare.

Check out Donnie’s design notes here!

Hamato Raphael

If there’s one thing Raph wants, it’s not to be here. Over the years she’s cooled from a spit-fire youngster to a tired, kind of grumpy lady. She has a life she’s made for herself that she genuinely enjoys, and being dragged away from it to save a city she doesn’t even live in anymore is…. Tough. But once you get past that wall she’s put up, you’ll find a deeply compassionate, laid back, and protective person. You’ve just gotta get there first.

Check out Raph’s design notes here!

Hamato Leonardo

Well…. He’s holding on. A lot of bad shit has happened in Leo’s life; but he’s made a point to get through it all with a smile and a shrug. Even if it has left him a touch lost in the past…. This is not to say that everything in Leo’s life is doom and gloom though! He’s got what remains of his family close, a job he loves, and a boyfriend who helps keep his head above the water. Despite it all he’s a genuinely optimistic, passionate, and clever dude who will do anything if it means keeping the people he loves safe.

Check out Leo’s design notes here!

Other Major Characters

Oroku Karai (the Shredder) - To put it simply: Oroku Karai is a vengeful bitch. She’s got a strong sense of fairness in the world, and once she feels she has been slighted she will deal it back tenfold. Unfortunately for her enemies she is also calculating, precise, patient, and incredibly loyal to those within her inner circle. All the makings of a very VERY dangerous woman.

Baxter Stockman - Stockman can be described simply as a bastard. As head of EPF (a position he wormed his way into and dumps the intense work off onto his personal assistant Dr. Chaplin) he is in an annoyingly decent position of Power. He is vain, cocky, and admittedly, very intelligent and determined.

The Kraang - The Kraang are a pretty massive threat, if not a slow one. Not much is known about them, as they are a very recent threat, other than that they are very, very dangerous. And they, for some reason, seem REALLY interested with April.

The Dark Turtles - The Dark Turtles a new threat. They are made of up of Four members: Venus De Milo, Jennika, Slash, and Tokka. Their exact motive is unknown, but for some reason they seem to really, really not like the Turtles.

Agent Bishop - Agent John Bishop is EPF’s local conspiracy nut. Despite their low ranking (their office is litterally in the basement), they will do ANYTHING to learn the truth of what happened to them. Even if thst means taking matters into their own hands….

Baron Draxum - Baron is just a formality really. Draxum these days is a stuffy old goat who wants nothing more than to sit in his library and catch up on some reading. Honestly the dude needs a break considering the heights of his career include ‘disgraced biologist’, ‘villian of the week’, and ‘owes a lot of child support’.

Casey Jones Jr - Casey Jones Jr has a lot to live up to. But!! She’s well on her way to becoming just as great a hero as her parents and uncle (even if they won’t let her go on big missions yet)! Right now she’s functionally the team’s ‘man in the chair’ thanks to her skill with computers and robotics!

Miyamoto Usagi - Miyamoto Usagi was once on the track to becoming his world’s greatest Samurai. Key word: once. These days he just does odd jobs and is working his way towards a degree in history. It’s ok though, he’s learned to be much happier than he once was here.

Splinter - Splinter was a loving father, and someone with a lot of secrets. He lived a hard life, and because of that was maybe a bit to over protective of his sons. While he certainly had his issues, over all Splinter was a very loving, kind, and funny guy. He was very loved.

Oroku Saki (also the Shredder) - Oroku Saki was a spiteful, cruel, ignorant man. He cared little for the tradition of his clan, ruling over his faction of the Foot Clan purely for the power it gave him. Little can good can be said of him, aside for that he was smart, resourceful, and genuinely loved his daughter.

Mini Comics (in chronological Order)

Mid to Late 90s ish

(Coming Soon!)

Post Splinter’s Death

(Coming Soon!)

The Lonely Years

(Coming Soon!)

Season One

A Beginning

Season Two

(Coming Soon!)

Season Three

(Coming Soon!)

Season Four

(Coming Soon!)

Season Five

(Coming Soon!)

Post Series

(Coming Soon!)

Other Links

Dark Turtles!

Happy Pride 2023

Collection of Head Shots

Get Recked

Donnie’s Completely Straight and Not Gay At All College Years. Totally.

Thanks for reading!!!!

[acoraxia]

I think the world is cruel.

But that’s ok.

I’ll sit here and do things that make me happy, even when I’m sad, and learn new things as I grow.

Because who else will look at me and say, “Do you want to learn about orcas and their biology?”

No one.

Because the world is mean.

So I have to tell myself, “Search for something new,” and that’s how I’ll find something that’ll keep me happy until I’m sad again.

But that’s ok.

I’ll just do it all over again.

[maxthesillyy]

(ask for littlepaw)

anarchypaw: hi :3 do you wanna be friends i wanna be friends maybe we could collect bugs and put them in cats fur to scare them

hai :3

please believe me when i say that it is SOSO happy that people are asking her to be their friend. it gets rid of 60% of the work for it. (genuine) ((also im gonna draw smth for that in a hot second im just a lil burnt out rn :p))

[g0reoz]

bey

[angelicgarnet]

so once i clear out some space in my room i might... get a praying mantis

[borathae]

The Consequences of Fucking Up

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

♥️ Requested by anonie ♥️

Pairing: Gangster!Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Exes!AU, Messy Break-Up!AU, Crime!AU, Cop!AU, Hurt and Comfort, Angst, Smut, a lil bit of Fluff

Wordcount: 15.9k

Warnings: lowkey they're bad for each other, but also somehow so right?, OC is such a people hater, I feel like she has mental health issues which are never addressed tbfh, she is quite the pessimist, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes & weed (listen. i hate smoking and stand by that but it sadly fits their characters), Yoongi is kinda apathetic and cold, or is he??, IS HE???, implied violence and murder, corrupt cops & lawyers, policeman!Jungkook makes an appearance and he stole my heart tbfh :(, he is so cute that i almost sobbed, drugdealer!Hoseok makes an appearance too, there is also detective!Namjoon and smuggler!Taehyung because I love this vibe :); abuse of power, fuck Yoongi just fuck he is so ngngn, slightly protective & possessive!Yoongi, intoxicated sex, desperate!Yoongi, no foreplay, but she is not uncomfortable, choking (m.receiving), rough desperate sex, position change from sex against a sofa to missionary on said sofa, a lil bit of strength kink hihi, he cums too soon, dirty talk, tears :'), he is actually so emotional during the sex, the ending is so cheesy and cute <3, Spoiler: he is willing to change!! and he is a cutie actually, jsjsjsj sorry but i love yoongi a lot :(

Disclaimer: This is purely fiction and isn't like my usual stories. It does not portray how the boys actually are and it is not how I see them. This is a work of fiction with no correlation to real life. The type of relationships depicted in this story are far from how I normally portray my relationships and I do not advertise for such relationhips or staying in such relationships. This story is supposed to be twisted and dark & so are the relationships in it, as well as the characters. You have been warned. If you decide to continue reading, then it is out of your own free will.

a/n: now that the disclaimer is out of the way i can officially bark because woof woof fuckkcc anonie thank you so much for this idea. i had the worst and best time writing this story like nfnfnf her mental state was definitely very difficult to write, but their tension just got to me. i made the ending as cute and fluffy as possible just as you wanted hihi <3 also i love villian characters who would set the whole world on fire just to prove their dedication :) i hope this is what you imagined, because i kinda made it longer and with more plot than i planned to at first sjjsjs i couldn't be stopped jsjsj ALSO this is giving me the perfect opportunity to finally write a Kook request I got years ago ohoho

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

Three months prior

“So you’re breaking up with me?” he asks, gawking at you with widened eyes. He looks more surprised than he does hurt. Probably because it hasn’t actually sunk in yet.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs because he never takes anything seriously.

“Yes. I am.”

“Too bad, I won’t act like it.”

“Yeah, you will.”

He laughs, “you’ve had better jokes, but I still admire the commitment.”

“You see. That’s the problem with you. Everything’s a fucking joke to you.”

He is smiling. It reaches his eyes.

“Your job, your men. Me. Everything’s a fucking joke to you. If you would have taken Sukuna’s thread seriously, Soojin would still be alive. If you didn’t fucking insult Miss Mei, you wouldn’t have lost twenty thousand in drugs and you wouldn’t have to fucking kiss asses like a beggar.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“If you would have put any kind of effort into me, I wouldn’t be leaving now. You take everything as a joke, while in reality you are the biggest joke here.”

His smile falls. You stood up and that actually scared him. 

“Wait baby, wait. Princess, we can talk about this”, he argues, closing the distance with his arms stretched open. “I’ll fix the issue with Miss Mei, I promise.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done talking. Soojin died because of your recklessness.” 

Yoongi touches your hands. He holds them, clutches them. You have never felt such a touch from him before. As if he actually loved you. 

“What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it”, he offers, caressing your knuckles. 

This is what you craved for months. Affection. Attention. You were always a passing thought to him. Something to fuck and possess. Something low maintenance like all his other shit. His current touch almost makes you want to stay because for the briefest moment, your breaking heart wants to believe that he finally changed. 

But you know better. He doesn’t take you seriously and if you stay, you will one day end up like Soojin. Metaphorically or not, you will end up dead because of him. 

“There is nothing you can do. Sorry.”

You slip out of his touch.

“Baby”, Yoongi follows you with panicked eyes, trying to touch you again.

“Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

You close the door and run, finally letting the tears escape. 

You love him.

You always have and perhaps always will. 

You don’t want to leave, but know that staying will kill you. 

One week passes. You spent it holed up in your small, shitty apartment, crying your heart out. Yoongi was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you and you miss him. You hate that you miss him. Because he was way worse than he was good. 

He was never abusive. He was a violent man to anyone but you. You, he always touched with utmost care. At you, he never screamed. But he was still not good. He was cold and apathetic at times, then terribly affectionate at others, only to become cold again. And you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You wouldn’t have left your apartment today if your fridge hadn’t been empty. It wasn’t always empty, but sadly enough, groceries don’t magically appear. Not even for an outlaw such as yourself.

The city is busy. The smell of street food, smog and body odor poisons the air. The weather is hot these days and people started sweating more. You can’t stand people. You pull the mask tighter around your nose, hoping to shield the stench this way. 

You greet the clerk when you enter the shop, lowering your mask. It smells of grocery store in here. Fresh bread, produce and clean floors. It’s a welcome change to the rancid outside.

You spent fourty minutes in the shop and pay with cash. You never pay with card because it can be traced. Someone like you can’t risk being found. 

“See you”, you say your goodbyes and leave the store. You plan on coming back in three weeks. You can’t stand being outside often.

The door just about closed behind you and then someone jumps you. Three people to be more exact. Two hold your arms while one rips the bags out of your hands. 

“Let go! Hey, you fuckers!” you fight them off instantly, surprised at how easily it is to do. Way too easy. They let go of you as quickly as they grabbed you. At first you think that nothing happened, until you notice your grocery bags in one of the guys’ hands. They stole your stuff!

“You motherfuckers! Get back here! They’re mine!” 

They run away, flipping you off over their shoulders.

You sprint after them, but before you reach them, they jump onto a tuk tuk and drive off, finally showing you their faces. Those were some of Yoongi’s underlings.

“What the fuck?” You stumble back in disbelief. “Did they fucking steal my food? What the fuck’s happening?” 

It takes you a while before you finally come to the conclusion that you have to buy everything they stole a second time. And you do. And nobody jumps you. And you go home, make yourself shitty dinner and drink a bottle of soju all by yourself. It isn’t a good night. It’s a shit night. But then. All your nights have been shit for years.

You met Yoongi four years ago. It correlates with when your shit nights began. Okay, you are being unfair. The first two years with him were paradise and your nights were wonderful. You were an aspiring lawyer, while he was in the midst of getting a promotion to superintendent.  You supported each other’s dreams, motivated each other and celebrated when your goals were achieved. Then the truth spilled out. The man you knew to love turned out to be a lie. Why you never left, you do not know. He gave you the chance to leave, but you didn’t. You made yourself low maintenance to him and your nights became shit. He pretended to be a proper policeman by day while you pretended to be a proper lawyer and at night he became what he hunted by day while you tried to hide whatever evidence about him flooded into the offices. You hated it at first, then loved it, then lost your job because of it and became dependent on him and started to hate it again. Well, at least working for him. You liked everything else. Having to work in the system and seeing how corrupt even the most eligible politicians or CEOs truly are, made you realise that perhaps stealing from them isn’t as bad as it first sounded. You liked being on the dark side of the law because the bright side was just as twisted. You just simply started to hate that it means being close to Yoongi.

It took Soojin’s death to finally make you realise that staying with him will end in your death as well. And so you finally left.

You will start a new life, make up a new identity, move to a different country and forget about him. Maybe. Who knows. You haven’t decided yet.

A letter comes five days after the grocery store incident. It is stuffed into an unsealed envelope and clearly delivered by the person who wrote it. You open it, feeling shit instantly. Whoever wrote this letter is calling you the most hurtful of names, telling you personal stuff which truly hurts. You throw it away and go back inside, opening a bottle of soju. It wasn’t Yoongi’s handwriting, but somehow you still think that it is connected to him. You try not to let it get to you, but you still end up rotting away in your bed for the rest of the week only leaving it to piss, shit and eat. 

The next week your packages are missing. You never get them back. The culprit is never found. You curse the sky, knowing that it was fruitless. Yet again, you think that it was connected to him. To Yoongi, the man you wanted to forget, but who keeps haunting you day by day.

The city at night is a dangerous place. If you don’t know where to walk, you could find yourself in a rather messy situation. Especially as a woman. You are glad that most women are clever enough to stay at home once darkness greets the streets. Most women don’t know how to defend themselves though. Properly and without the law in mind. You killed before. Once. It was self defence. Yoongi took care of the body, you never found out what happened to it. He stayed with you the night it happened, even let you cry in his arms. He was gone the next day and never spoke of it again.

You clutch the big knife tightly in your bag, scanning the streets constantly. It isn’t far anymore until you are home. Hopefully the heavy rain clouds stay dry until you get there. You aren’t in the mood to get wet. Not tonight. You would have never left if you hadn’t ran out of fucking cigarettes. The kiosk was closed, so the journey was useless. Thunder announces that the clouds aren’t your friends. Mere seconds later, it starts pouring.

“Fucking shit, I hate this city.”

Rain in this city is always dirty and never really cold. You take it as a bad sign. Rain shouldn’t be warm. Not always, not constantly. Something’s wrong with this city. Something is rotting slowly until one day it will consume everything in its wake. You hope to have left before it can wake up.

The way home is too long for the amount of dirty rain it pours. You find refuge under a shop sign. There are no rooftops or canopies in sight and the only thing close to a safe place was the stupid restaurant sign. Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in bright red letters. The place is stuffed with people and the smell of beef broth mixes with the dirty scent of rain. You grind your teeth. What a shitty situation you find yourself in. You prefer being outside though. You know that once inside, the restaurant would be hot and stink of digested booze and body odor. You take getting wet over breathing in people’s air.

Except that you don’t really stay wet for long. The distinct sound of rain hitting an umbrella meets your ears. You look up. Black. You look to the side at the person holding it. Yoongi. Your stomach twists, your heart skips a beat. He is wearing a suit tonight. Black with a black tie. His hair is slicked back. He used makeup to  conceal the scar running all the way from his forehead over his eye and down half his cheek. This is his work outfit. His police chief outfit. Yes. He is a chief these days.

Your instincts tell you to leave without saying anything, but it’s been six weeks since the breakup and you still love him. You hate that you do, but can’t stop staring at his face. He has his brows raised in a nonchalant way as he inspects the heavy rain. He doesn’t grant you eye contact, but holds the umbrella in a way which lets you know that he came out here after seeing you. His left shoulder is getting wet, while you stay dry completely.

“What are you doing here?” you hear yourself ask him.

“Work dinner. I have to pay ‘cause I’m the boss and all that shit. They’re eating like greedy pigs”, he scoffs, “fucking assholes.”

“I see.”

“You?” 

“Buying smokes.”

He finally looks at you, studying from head to toe.

“The kiosk was closed”, you answer his question about your cigarettes’ whereabouts before he can ask it.

“I thought you quit.”

“Some things happened which made me start again.”

“Mhm”, he hums and takes out a packet of cigarettes from the inside of his suit jacket. He lights himself one and puts the packet away again, leaving you to stare at the smoke he blows out through his nose.

He isn’t actually serious, is he? It is like he is mocking you. It is already bad enough that he sends his stupid goons to terrorise you, now he is mocking you as well? You hate that you still love him.

You stay like this for a while. You staring at him while he holds the umbrella for you and smokes. You don’t know why you stay. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much.

Yoongi takes a long drag of the cigarette and exhales the smoke in an almost sigh-like breath. He lifts the cigarette, holding it closer to you.

“What?” you sound disbelieved, scandalised even.

He doesn’t say anything. He just shows you the cigarette as his eyes follow the endless rain. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much. But you still take the cigarette and put your lips right where he had his’ moments before. But you still smoke it as if it was the most normal thing to do. Because it once was. You and he shared many smokes in the past. It was once the most sensual, erotic thing to do between you and him. Barely clothed, intoxicated minds and high on the other, you often shared a joint as you got each other off. Fuck, it was always so fucking orgasmic to be with him that way.

“Wanna grab a bite?” he offers, pointing at the restaurant behind him, “one more mouth to feed isn’t gonna ruin me.”

You are hungry. You haven’t had a proper meal in weeks. Instant ramen, frozen food and snacks is all your body has to run on. You have no energy to cook and with how shitty you eat, it is a vicious cycle. Shitty food gives little energy, you already have low energy. The motivation to properly cook grows lower and lower each day. You dread the day you have only enough energy left to open a package of chips and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“I’m not hungry.”

He glances at you. He knows that you are lying. Your eyes have greyed in starvation. He almost rips the cigarette out of your fingers and smokes it angrily, huffing out the smoke. 

“I’m offering”, he hisses.

“And I’m declining. I can take care of myself”, you throw back and rip the cigarette from his grasp to smoke it angrily. 

You may be starving, but you will be damned if you make yourself dependent on him again. You left him to finally prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. You don’t need his help. Not anymore. 

You take another deep drag, then hand the cigarette to him. He smokes it, glaring at you. You know that your stubbornness angers him.

“Tell your men to stop pestering me”, you say into the tense silence. 

He looks over his shoulder at his police team. They are too drunk and caught in conversation to pay their boss any mind.

“They’re inside”, he says.

“You know I don’t mean them. Tell your other men to stop annoying me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do.” It is your turn to smoke. “It all started when they stole my groceries, but it’s been getting childish. My packages keep getting stolen, my internet cuts off, I find letters in my mail. Letters saying awful things about me. It’s getting ridiculous. Tell your men to stop terrorising me.”

“Stolen packages?” He takes the cigarette from you, brushing his fingers against yours as he does. The touch feels like the sweetest poison on your skin. “This doesn’t sound like my problem to solve. Go to the police.”

“Are you serious?” 

He inhales, exhales the smoke into your face. You should be disgusted by it, but almost huff it in like an addict. Yoongi watches your lids lower and your chest raise in a greedy breath, finding it hard not to stare at your lips as he hands you the cigarette. You smoke it. His eyes are still on your lips, glued to the shape of them as his throat runs dry.

“Very serious”, he rasps.

“You are the police”, you throw back in disbelief, exhaling the smoke into his face that way.

“Mhm yeah, I guess I am.” He takes the cigarette, smoking it with half lidded eyes. He exhales, handing you the cigarette. “When are you going to come home again?” he asks, looking back at the rain.

You almost choke on the smoke, exhaling it in a cough. Yoongi glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Your farce is getting ridiculous”, he says coldly.

“My farce?”

This break up wasn’t the first break up you and he went through. You left many times before, always thinking that you were finally strong enough to forget him only to come crawling back again. You don’t blame him for doubting that this time will be different, but you still can’t stop yourself from getting angry.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did. Go to the police. I have nothing to do with it.”

You drop the half-finished cigarette. It dies in the puddle on the ground.

“I was smoking this”, he says dryly, “besides, don’t litter.”

“Pick it up yourself if you care so much about these dirty ass streets”, you spit and turn to leave. You take getting wet over being with him any longer.

Yoongi watches you leave, shakes his head in disbelief and bends down to pick up the cigarette. He won’t run after you because you will come crawling back eventually. You always do.

“Sir?” 

He turns his head. One of his officers. He is young and with sparkles of big dreams in his eyes. Yoongi pities him. This city is going to chew him up until there is nothing left of him. He had the same dreams once and knows what the viper nest, which is the justice system, is going to do to him. 

“What do you want?” he asks him dryly, rolling the wet cigarette between his fingers.

“Who did you talk to right now?”

“Just someone important to me.”

“Shouldn’t we escort her home? It’s raining and there could be criminals on the streets. It’s too dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

“She’ll get home safely.”

“Are you sure, Sir? I stayed sober for cases like these. I could get the car right away.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But it’s a work dinner. You’ve been off work for hours.”

The young officer salutes, “I know, Sir but a policeman shouldn’t slack, Sir.”

Yoongi feels deep pity for the young man. He is so motivated, so proper and full of good spirit. Waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

He pats him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon”, he says and swerves past him to get back inside. 

The young officer follows him with pride glimmering in his innocent eyes. Yes, waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him. 

Yoongi wasn’t always living two lives. He was like his young officer once. Full of dreams and motivation. He dreamed of using his powers to do good, to help those who needed it most and then he woke up. He watched politicians and men in power ruin, rape and kill the powerless without ever getting punished for it. He felt helpless. If even someone in his position can’t change the world, then who will? His criminal work was honourable once. He slipped evidence money under the table to hand out to the powerless, he let proof disappear for people doing crimes out of desperation. One time he was supposed to put a starving mother behind bars because she stole diapers for her babies. Yoongi couldn’t do it and so he disobeyed the law for these kinds of people.

But then his criminal work became less about the powerless and more about him. Making money the illegal way was easy and it is fucking addicting. Especially when he could make sure that evidence about him never reached the higher ups. Yoongi fucking loved the sudden power he possessed and he was too blinded by it to see that he became exactly what drove him to criminality in the first place.

Yoongi tells his officer to check up on your place that night. The young officer rings the doorbell like he was told to do.

You open it, swaying from intoxication as you do. The stench of digested booze wafts off you. But you somehow seem to sober up when you see the police badges on his shirt.

“You’ve got the wrong person”, you tell him, trying to morph your face into an expression of sobriety.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I came here to check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Yes, Miss.” He salutes you. “I have orders from my captain to make sure that you arrived home safely and that you received this”, he says with an innocent smile on his lips, presenting a plastic bag to you. 

Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in red letters and inside, three big takeout containers of food are waiting to be eaten. 

Everything clicks into place. This is one of Yoongi’s employees. Another young, hopeful spirit which will be crushed in the system. You pity the young officer. You had the same innocent sparkle in your eyes once.

Hesitantly, you accept the takeout food.

“Thanks”, you mumble.

“Any time, Miss.” He studies you for a moment. “Are you…are you okay, Miss?”

You bite back tears. His empathy is going to kill him one day. But it feels so good to receive. You haven’t been asked this question in so long.

You shake your head. He straightens up in worry. 

“Should I call help for you, Miss?”

You know what he indicates.

“Thank you, no. I’m just going through some shit. Sorry, I��m being sappy tonight.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Miss.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m seriously alright, I won’t do anything stupid. You don’t have to worry, officer.” 

“Yes, well I still see it as my duty to stay because you seem sad to me”, he says and tries to go inside your apartment. He still has a lot to learn. You know from his eyes that he has no bad intentions and that he truly wants to help, but you know how the city will treat such deeds. One day he will try to help the wrong person and end up with attempted sexual assault charges. And it will fucking destroy him because people like him only see the good in the world and can’t imagine that others would want to hurt people.

You stop him with a guiding hand on his chest.

“That isn’t necessary, really. My packages keep getting stolen and I guess it’s been annoying me.”

He pulls out a pen paper instantly, stepping closer to you without noticing, “your packages? Have you seen anyone suspicious? How many packages have gone missing? When did it start?”

“No, I… Thank you for your concern and the food, but I will get through the night safely.”

He steps back, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“Forgive me, I don’t know why I did that. My captain said that you were important to him and that I should make sure that you are well, so I wanted to do a good job at it.” He bows at you deeply. “Please forgive me, Miss.” 

“He said that?” you whisper.

He nods his head, “yes, Miss.”

“Oh. Uhm. ” You clear your throat. “Thank you, I, uhm, tell him that I’m good.” 

“I will, Miss. Here, my card. You can always call me when you need something” he hesitates, “or when you just need someone to talk to.” 

“Thank you. This is so kind.”

“You are never alone, Miss.”

“Thank you”, you say, bowing at him. He is so kind. God, you want to grab him and tell him to run before it’s too late.

He bows as well, “good night, Miss.”

“Good night.”

You watch him leave. He gives you one last look out of the police car and a kind wave, then drives off. 

You close the door with a curse. This just sobered you up. The young policeman’s kindness just sobered you up. You check his name on the card he handed you. Jeon Jungkook. Why someone like him? He never should have found his way into this field of work. 

You look at the takeout food next, feeling your stomach twist. You are important to Yoongi. Holy fuck.

It’s been eight weeks since you left him. You don’t feel better. The cigarette you shared was two weeks ago and yet you still feel as if it was sticking to your lungs. Each time you breathe out, you swear you can taste him. It almost suffocates you and keeps you from relaxing. So you leave your depressing place for a walk to the kiosk. You read somewhere that walks are good for one’s mental health. You can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are loud and fucking stink.

The vendor must be fucking with you. The day is bright, but the kiosk is closed again. You bang your fist against the closed door, cursing loudly. You want your fucking smokes is that too much to ask? This city is fucking shit.

You’ll just call someone who will always help. You saved him as Jay. His real name is Hoseok. You don’t say his real name in public. He doesn’t say yours. Yoongi sometimes called him his best friend, but what is such a title out of the mouth of the most apathetic man you know? You were his girlfriend too and look at where this has gotten you, living as an outlaw in the shit and dirt of this city.

Like always, Hoseok lets the phone ring four times then he picks up.

“Flames are hot”, he says.

“And the arsonist works hard”, you answer him.

“Hyacinth, it’s good to hear your voice”, there is finally a smile in his voice now that you answered the code correctly.

“The same goes for you, Jay.”

“What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

“Nothing much. I’m out of smokes.”

“The corner in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

You and he end the call at the same time. Twenty minutes later you meet. He wears black overalls and smudged eyeliner. He says it keeps the char easier to hide. Like always, he greets you with a quick hug.

“What do you got?” you ask him.

“Whatever you want.” He opens his bag. “I’ve got cigarettes, but something stronger too”, he says, scurrying around the contents of the bag with his fingers. He always has burn marks on them, but somehow they are never dirty.

“What do fifty bucks buy?”

“For you? Two packs of cigarettes and two joints. That’s a steal.”

“Fuck dude, you’re getting expensive.”

“Yeah well, a man’s gotta eat.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

You and he exchange goods. He makes small talk.

“But why are you here with me? Did Suga run out of goods?”

Suga is Yoongi’s codename in public. The sound of it almost brings bile into your throat. You did such a good job in forgetting him and now the memory of him is as fresh as a new day. At least you like to pretend that you are doing a good job at forgetting him. Your heart knows better though.

“We, uhm…”

Hoseok exhales sharply, “again?”

You nod your head.

“When?”

“More than two months ago.”

“Damn, that’s long.”

“Yeah, I’m serious about it.”

He cocks his brow up.

“I am”, you insist just a little snappishly.

“Alright”, he closes his bag, “I gotta go now.”

“Already?”

He looks around nervously. Almost as if he didn’t want to be seen with you.

“Yup. Use the stuff wisely, I won’t have new stuff for a while.”

“Seriously?”

He nods his head and salutes you nonchalantly.

“See you around.”

“See…you?”

He turns his back to you and walks off quickly, soon disappearing into the busy crowd. Is this your fate? Even the people closest to you avoid you now that you aren’t Yoongi’s anymore? Were you truly only worth something as his little thing? You ball your hands into fists, bending the joints this way. You have to leave this fucking place. There is actually nothing holding you here anymore.

That night the phone terror starts. Numbers keep calling you over and over and over again. You pick up the first time, only to have to listen to the most hurtful things another human has ever said to you. The voice wasn’t Yoongi’s, but you still blame him. Now that you aren’t his thing anymore, you became free food to whoever had been waiting to make your life a living hell. You turn off your phone after an hour and go to sleep with the help of Hoseok’s joints.

The doorbell wakes you the next morning. You consider not answering because it’s probably just one of his goons wanting to terrorise you. But whoever is ringing the doorbell is stubborn, forcing you out of your bedroom. You look through the door cam first.

That young officer. He is in full uniform.

You open the door hesitantly.

“Good morning”, he greets you with a wave and a smile.

“Good morning”, you murmur. Your mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. You are also so hungry that you could throw up in his face right now.

“How are you feeling, Miss?”

“Good.”

“That’s good to hear.” He says and shows you a package which he kept hidden behind his back all this time. He smiles brightly and proudly. “Tada!”

“What’s that?”

“I caught the package thief, Miss.”

“Are you serious?” you gasp and your eyes instinctively drift to the car you have noticed parked outside your unit for days. The door is opened and someone is sitting in the backseat. He looked cuffed to the seat. You glance at the young officer and the shiteating, proud grin he is sporting. He has been watching you? Did Yoongi tell him to?

“Wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Very serious. For you, Miss”, he says and shoves the package into your face.

“Uhm, uh. Thanks”, you accept it, putting it under your arm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Did you notice the car? Sorry, I thought that I was better hidden. I’m still new to all of this. But I caught the thief, heh.” He points at himself with his thumbs. “That’s my first real arrest.”

He manages to drag an honest smile to your lips. He is kind of adorable in a way.

“That’s cool. Thank you for taking care of it. Now I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore.”

He grins and nods his head, studying your features afterwards. He opens his mouth.

“Jeon are you there? Over”, his walkie talkie interrupts whatever he wanted to ask you. He takes it off his chest harness.

“I’m here, Kim Sir. Over.”

“Come to the precinct. We need reinforcements. Over.”

“Coming right away, Sir. I caught a thief right now, Sir. Over.”

A pause where the higher officer is definitely baffled by his confession.

“Good job, Jeon. Over.”

The young officer giggles before he speaks again, doing so as seriously as possible.

“Thank you, Kim Sir. I am taking the criminal to the precinct. Over.”

“Understood. Over.”

He puts the walkie talkie back on its harness and gives you a sorry smile.

“That was my boss. My other boss, not your friend who is the boss of this boss. Anyways. I have to go now, duty calls. Are you going to be okay, Miss?”

“I am. Thank you for your kindness.”

“Anytime, Miss. Uhm, have a good day”, he says and leaves with a wave of his hand. He waves again as he drives off. You retort it, staring at his car until it disappears behind a corner. You sigh deeply. He is so nice. Why someone like him? Why does this life always find people like him?

It’s been ten weeks since you left him. You read somewhere that walks are good for your mental health. You still can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are still loud and still fucking stink. But it’s better than staying in your apartment. You’ve got new neighbours since Monday. They keep fucking like actual animals. They fucked when you left your place tonight. You were this close to kicking their door in and slaughtering them like pigs. You opted for a walk in the end.

You walk for a while then sit down by an empty bench next to the river. It is quiet. Nobody is really here. At least nobody important. A couple, how disgusting. A late night jogger, clearly a man. A homeless person, who uses another bench as their bed. You hate looking at homeless people because you feel helpless seeing them. You stopped being on the bright side of the law because of people like them. You thought that maybe if you stole from the corrupt men in power often enough, you would be able to help the ones who truly needed it. But you never managed to actually achieve anything. The homelessness in the city grows, while the pockets of the politicians become fatter and fatter in wealth. You fucking hate this city. It is rotten to the core.

“Look who we have here. If that isn’t our pretty little Hyacinth.”

You aren’t quick enough to get up to leave and then you already have two men throwing their arms over your shoulders while a third is grabbing the back of your head from behind. You try to reach for your knife but can’t. Their grip on you is too good.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

Their voices are familiar and one look at them confirms your suspicions. It’s them. The same three underlings who stole your groceries months ago.

“Leave me alone”, you tell them.

“Why should we? You are all alone. If the boss knew we’re leaving you alone, he’d grow angry.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Now, now don’t be like that. You’re just a girl and there are many dangerous men out there.”

You look to your side. One of them is licking their lips like a hungry animal.

“Yeah? And you’re being fucking inappropriate. Leave me alone”, you spit, shaking off their arms.

They let you. Just as they let you stand up and take your bag.

“Goodnight”, you tell them and leave. Quickly. You walk a good hundred feet until you finally dare to look over your shoulder only to realise in horror that they are following you. Quickly.

You can defend yourself. You know how to kill, but you also know when you are outnumbered. And three bigger men against a woman is sadly never going to end well for the woman. You hate this city and you hate this life. You know that their words were nothing but provocation. They know you aren’t with Yoongi anymore, that you aren’t under his protection anymore and that in some weird way, you sullied his honour. You also know how people who bring dishonour to the gangs of this city are punished. The men are murdered and the women, well, they are murdered too but not before being sullied themselves. You hate this city and you hate this life. This life which is going to fucking end for you soon.

You dare to look over your shoulder one more time. They are so close that you can see the hunger in their eyes. No. Nononononono. It can’t end like this. You were supposed to leave this city, start a new life, forget about Yoongi. You are not going to die here in this dirty, shitty park far away from your dream.

Thump.

You bounce back from the impact, letting out a blood curling scream. It was instinct. Just as it is instinct of the person you ran into to grasp you by your arms and pull you closer again.

“Let me go! Help! Help me!”

“Quiet”, the person hisses and shakes you. This voice sounded different. Familiar in an almost intimate way.

You dare to shift your eyes to them.

Yoongi.

“I, I, I”, you stutter, feeling delirious in both fear and shock. You grab his shirt, twisting it to get closer to him. The act is intimate and out-of-place but you are too frightened to think clearly. 

Yoongi brushes over the state of your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder. There are three men suddenly scurrying away, using the darkness to hide. He managed to get their faces.

He looks back at you. Your eyes meet. A little bit of clarity returns to you. What are you doing? Your fingers soften around his shirt. 

“I don’t…”

“Come on, we’re going home”, he say sternly and puts an arm around your waist, dragging you with him like this.

You follow him all the way to his car. You even let him sit you down on the passenger seat and you even stay seated when he rounds the car to get to the driver side. You think that you are in shock because you don’t protest when he starts the car, nor when he drives off. You simply stare outside with your knees turned to him because your body acts against your consciousness. The city passes you by in flashes of neon colours. His car smells like his cologne and leather. He has no music playing. 

Yoongi glances at your face. You have your head against the window, squeezing your hands between your thighs. The neon lights illuminate your features each time he passes by another light source. He can see that you are trying not to shake.

He takes a deep breath, shifting his eyes to the road. He has to grip the steering wheel, otherwise his hands would shake in anger.

“Should we get dinner?”

His voice rips you from whatever trance you were in. You sit up straight, looking at him. He is gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles pale. His long hair is hanging into his face tonight. A turquoise varsity jacket adorns him. His scar wasn’t hidden behind concealer. He wasn’t working his day job today. What was he doing at the park? Why was he there?

“Take me home”, you order him.

“I am.”

“No. Home. Not your place.”

“My place is your home”, he gets out through gritted teeth.

“No, it isn’t. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you see what they were doing to me?”

“No.”

You are lost for words for a moment. The tears come afterwards.

“Stop the car.”

Yoongi looks at you because your voice was shaking. He holds his breath at the sight of your tears.

“What?” he makes sure.

“Stop. The. Car. Now.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

You pull the knife out on him. He swerves to the side on instinct, fixing the mistake so vigorously, you and he shake in the small space. You don’t let it affect you, holding the knife against his skin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

“Stop the fucking car or I’ll kill us both”, you spit, holding the knife against his throat.

“Fuck”, he growls and hits the steering wheel. The car rolls to a stop.

“Get out”, you threaten.

“I am. Fuck.”

He follows your orders because you have his life at blade’s end. He still slams the door closed. You leave the car instantly.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed us both” he tries to scold you, but you silence him.

“I’m talking now”, you roar.

Yoongi closes his mouth because he has never heard you like this before.

“You are such an asshole! Each day I regret the moment I met you! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Yoongi gulps. 

“I had a life before you. I had dreams and ambitions and, and goals and…a chance. I could have had a good life. I was supposed to use my degree to help people but you ruined everything for me.”

He rounds the car in big steps, coming so close to you that you smell his breath. It smells like chewing gum. 

“You could have achieved something? What exactly did you achieve as a lawyer? Mhm, what did you achieve? This city is fucked.”

“Yes, because you fucked it!” you hit his chest. He doesn’t budge, but also doesn’t stop you. “You fucked it and you fucked me and I hate you for it!”

“Don’t blame me for your decisions. I gave you a chance to leave me back then. You were the one who stayed.”

You inch closer until your lips are almost touching. Yoongi exhales shakily, placing his hand on your hip. 

“And I will regret this decision till the day I die”, you whisper, breaking the closeness.

You slip out of his hold. He follows you in a small stumble and a trembling gasp. 

“I never want to see you again. Are we clear?” you hiss at him.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you don’t want this”, he hisses back at you.

“You’re wrong, I don’t want you. I thought I still did, but I don’t. You don’t care about me, it’s finally so fucking obvious to me. You don’t fucking care.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“They are terrorising me, Yoongi!” You finally scream. “I wake up to people ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, I have to keep my phone turned off because the phone calls don’t stop. I keep getting my stuff stolen and, and I thought I was going to be raped tonight! They are terrorising me and you called it not your problem!”

“No, you-”

“I’ve been living in constant fear, our friends don’t even look at me anymore, I haven’t eaten in days and I can’t-”, you stop yourself. He doesn’t even deserve your anger anymore. “-you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I’m leaving.”

You turn your back to him and leave. 

He says your name and takes your hand. He pulls, tries to turn you to him. But you rip yourself free again.

“Don’t go”, he says.

You don’t listen.

“I’m ordering you to stay”, he sounds desperate, yelling your name, “I am ordering you!” 

He can yell as much as he wants to. You don’t listen to him anymore. The subway station isn’t far. You will make an exception and take it tonight. Even if you hate it. It stinks. Just like the rest of this shitty city.

You are going to leave. Once you are home, you are going to start packing and then you are going to leave. You will call V. You don’t know his real name, but he can change your identity as quickly as others change their socks. You will call V and tell him to have your passport ready the day after tomorrow. You will pay him with the money you have under your pillow and then leave for somewhere clean. Maybe somewhere with lots of mountains. You always heard that the air at these places is breathable.

You call V the same night. He tells you that two days is too short and to wait another week. So you wait. Your bags have been packed. You live out of them in your own place. You don’t leave it. You are scared. With how little Yoongi cared about your situation, you doubt that he told his men to stop. You are scared that if you left again, they would finally go through with what they couldn’t finish back then.

The doorbell rings during a rainy, dark night. You flinch awake to the point where you feel sick to the stomach. The lights are turned on instantly eventhough you know not to do that in such a situation. You can’t think clearly. You just want this to be over. All of it.

You run to the front door because you suddenly feared that it was unlocked. It isn’t, but you can watch someone push an envelope under your door. The shadow blocking the light outside leaves the moment the letter is inside your apartment.

You don’t want to open it at first, staring at it as if someone had planted a bomb in your apartment. Fuck it, if that is how you die then so be it, you think in the end and bend down to pick it up. It feels different in your fingers. Sophisticated. Intimate. The envelope is glued closed as if someone licked the glue stripe and the faint smell of well-known cologne lingers on the paper. You open it with shaky fingers.

A letter. It is heavy and folded once. You open it, gasping when three photographs fall out of it and onto the ground. You don’t know what is on them because they landed on their face side. So you read the letter first.

“It has always been mine as well.”

Written in black ink and a familiar handwriting. This is Yoongi’s writing.

With even shakier hands, you pick up the pictures. You feel sick for a moment, gawking at the cruel pictures with your hand thrown over your mouth. The three men who terrorised you. Their mutilated corpses look back at you. He tortured them to death.

You rip the door open, stumbling onto the balcony. You look down at what tripped you. Two bags of your favourite takeout food and a six pack of water. Both clearly fresh. So it was him. Yoongi must be here somewhere. You look into the distance. The night is loud and blurry in a thunderstorm. The streets are empty. The ghost of your past is gone again. You squint your eyes. A person.

“Yoongi!” you call out, unable to realise that you are smiling and waving your hand.

The person moves. Oh. It was just the shadow of a tree. For just a moment you had hoped that the dark shape was him waiting for you. It was just a tree…and you were happy that if could have been Yoongi. The realisation hurts.

“Fuck”, you press out, going back inside. The lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe. You stumble back to bed, halting for a moment when you pass your suitcases.

It has always been mine as well. His words repeat themselves in your head. All this time, you thought that he didn’t care. All this time, you thought that your terror left him cold. Your eyes drift over the empty takeout boxes from the noodle place. You still haven’t cleaned them up. He made sure that you were properly fed for days back then. A glance at the new stuff he got tonight. He is still making sure that you are. Your eyes drift over the package next. He made sure that they stopped getting stolen. You look at the pictures in your hands. He made sure that they would never hurt you again. All this time, you were so blinded by your own anger that you missed how he had always looked out for you. You missed his way of showing you that you were important to him.

It has always been his problem as well.

Something inside you breaks and you scream. You don’t know what you scream for, but you scream. It hurts so much. It hurts so much because you will still leave. He will hurt you again if you stay. All his efforts healed your heart and it hurts so much because you will still leave. You were meant to stay broken hearted. Leaving would have been so easy this way. Now it hurts like a bitch. But you can’t sway. You have to leave this place. It will chew up what little is left of you until you truly cease to exist.

V comes to your place the next day. He rings your doorbell. It wakes you from the uncomfortable sofa you fell asleep on last night. You groan as you sit up and you barely want to open your eyes as you stumble to the door.

You open it without checking the camera first.

“Took you long en- you?”

Jungkook, the young officer, greets you with a smile.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.”

You have a headache today, so it is difficult not to snap at him. He is also not the person you wanted in front of your door today.

“I’m starting to doubt that.”

He laughs, “it’s not that. I talked to my boss. Your friend, the boss of the other boss. Sorry, anyways. I need you to come to the precinct with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Okay so, this is actually so cool and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but you’re my boss’ friend so I guess it’s okay”, he begins with sparkling eyes, “turns out that the package thief is actually a serial thief and you aren’t the first one he stole from. Isn’t that cool? It’s like in those movies. Those cool cop movies.”

“Really? He stole from more people?” You highly doubt that.

“Yeah”, he laughs as he answers you, nodding his head excitedly, “now we’re calling in everyone who he stole from so we can take their statements. My boss says that we can’t keep the thief locked up for long otherwise.”

You know that this wasn’t really how the law works. After all, you were once a lawyer who was fucking good at her job. Is Yoongi trying to drag you back to him? First he tries to change your mind by killing your bullies and now he is trying to do the final blow by abusing his power as police chief? You check the time. Couldn’t the young officer have come later? You could have had your passport already and be far, far away from this place.

“Can I just give it to you here?” you ask him.

“Mhm”, he tilts his head to the side, “no, I don’t think that it works like this. I’m sorry, Miss. The captain said that it’s important that all the victims come into the precinct.”

You have to give Yoongi that. He is real clever about it. That means however that you can’t escape this situation. Any more resistance from you would make you suspicious.

You give up with a sigh. “Can I just change into something different?”

“Of course, Miss.”

The young officer lets you sit in the passenger seat. He is so new at all of this. With such naivety he tells you his entire life story. That he was from the countryside and that his dream has always been to be a policeman in the city. That he studied hard for years and that he completed his enlistment with honour just so he could be a proper officer. He sounds so proud of himself that each second with him makes you hate his presence more and more. He is so fucking stupid and it angers you. Why would he throw away his life like that? Why someone like him?

You are led to one of the precinct’s interrogation rooms and are told to wait there. The table is decked with different foods.

“What’s all that?” you ask Jungkook.

“Breakfast, Miss.”

“Did your captain tell you to do that?”

“He said that wanted to make sure you get your breakfast because we called you in so early. The captain really cares for the citizens.”

You stifle a scoff. Sure he does.

“Mhm, I see.”

“Either way, it won’t take long”, the young officer bids his goodbyes and leaves you in the interrogation room.

His words were a lie. You wait and wait and wait, but nothing happens. There are no clocks in this godforsaken room, but you still know that it has to be hours. You didn’t want to eat the breakfast at first, glaring at the two-way mirror because in your mind, Yoongi was behind it, watching you and making sure that you ate. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction at first, but had to in the end. The body begins working against one’s will when it is starving and the breakfast looked way too good. You eat all of it, then glare at the mirror again. You are still left alone and more time passes. It is as if they are trying to wear you down, as if you were the criminal in this situation. Granted, you are a criminal, but only Yoongi knows that and right now you are a poor civilian having done nothing wrong. You know that it’s Yoongi’s doing. That he somehow wants to terrorise you.

So when the door finally opens and he walks into the room, you almost throw the empty bowl at his head.

“Forgive the wait, Miss but something came up”, he says nonchalantly, flicking through some papers.

His second in command Kim Namjoon and the young officer Jeon Jungkook are behind him, which is why he is putting up this act. You grind your teeth.

“I already started to wonder if I’m in danger here”, you say way too sweetly.

“That depends on how you are going to answer our questions”, he says and sits down on the chair in front of you.

Jungkook stays by the door while Kim Namjoon stands a little to your side.

You look around yourself. He is trying to intimidate you.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought that I’m here to give my statement because of my stolen packages.”

Yoongi glances up from the papers. This is the first time your eyes meet after your fight and he killed your bullies. If only the others in this room would know how much blood he has on his hands and to which length he is willing to go to protect you. There were times where you would have dragged him over the table and kissed him senseless, but not anymore. You are stronger than your urges, even if it hurts your heart. You can’t give in again. If you do, he will take you for granted again. You won’t be happy with him. You finally have to fucking understand that.

“You’re right. You are here because of that”, he says dryly.

“Good. It started on May sixteen. I came home at around seven ten and noticed that my packages were missing. Two were stolen back then, but in total he stole eight packages”, you say and proceed to tell him the exact dates with the time as well as what was stolen.  

“You seem to know how such hearings work”, he says after he wrote down what you said.

“I had a few hours to practice what I was going to say”, you say with a poisonous smile.

One Yoongi retorts with just as much poison and a deep hum.

“Apologies again.”

“Don’t worry, I know how hard the police works at keeping this honourable city safe.”

He tongues his cheek. You give him a victorious smirk. This cut. Good. He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, reaching into his suit pocket to pull out a cigarette. He gets as far as to put it to his lips and then Kim Namjoon already speaks up.

“Captain. Smoking is prohibited in this building.”

“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out and takes the cigarette between two fingers to tap it against the table instead.

“Smoking is bad for you either way”, you say.

He tongues his cheek again. You know that he wants to curse at you right now, but can’t. He has to put up a friendly act.

“I know, can’t shake the habit”, he says and studies your face, “so what now?”

“Sir?” Kim Namjoon is rightfully confused. Yoongi slipped up.

“I don’t know, I was never in such a place before. Do you still need to take my information?” you act oblivious.

“We already have everything.”

“Great. Then I can go?” you ask, fluttering your lashes innocently.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Sir?” “What? Why?”

Yoongi shifts in his chair until he manspreads like an idiot. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks you.

“Uhm…is this still part of my hearing?” you ask, glancing at Kim Namjoon.

“No of course not, Miss. Please, follow me.”

“Sit. Down.”

The room is silent for a moment. You glare at Yoongi while Namjoon and Jungkook gawk in complete confusion. Their captain acts out of character. There is no reason to keep the innocent lady here any longer. This isn’t like him at all. He has been fidgeting all day, barely drank his coffee, went for far too many smoke breaks and now this. The officers have no explanation for their captain’s sudden behaviour.

“What is the reason for this?” you ask him.

“Just safety precautions. We wouldn’t want our honest citizen to get into danger”, he says coldly, “now answer my question. What are your plans now, Miss?”

“I will go home.”

“Where is that home?”

“Sir, I don’t know if that is necessary.”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Namjoon gulps, exchanging a confused look with Jeon Jungkook. This is really not like their captain.

Yoongi straightens up and leans forward so he is closer to you.

“Where is that home, Miss?”

You lower your eyes in anger.

“I don’t know yet, I’m planning to leave this city.”

“What?” his voice shook as he spoke. His fingers close and break the cigarette that way. His eyes almost bore holes into yours from how deeply he stares into them.

“This city’s become too depressing for me. I plan on leaving it for good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. There is nothing holding me here anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there really isn’t. I will leave.”

Bang!

You flinched back. Namjoon and Jungkook tense up as well.

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table, jumping to his feet.

“No the fuck you won’t!” he yells.

“Sir? What are you doing?!”

“Excuse me? It’s my right as an honest citizen to move”, you act oblivious as well.

“Keep her here”, he talks to Jungkook, pointing at him, “lock her up and keep her here.”

“Under what pretence, Sir?” the young officer asks with widened eyes.

“I, I, I don’t know. Refusal to, to, to cooperate or some shit like that”, Yoongi never stutters and he never paces, but he is currently doing both of those things.

“Sir…is…this legal?” Jungkook asks shyly.

Yoongi is by Jungkook’s side within a few steps, grabbing him by the collar.

“Do as you are told, Jeon! Unless you want to lose this job!” Yoongi growls, making Jungkook whimper with fear.

“Captain Min, you are stepping out of place”, Kim Namjoon speaks up, dragging him away from Jungkook, “and get off this poor officer’s neck. He is just doing his job.”

Yoongi whips around, now targeting his anger at Namjoon.

“If he was doing his fucking job, he would lock her up”, he hisses, pointing at you.

“I need you to step out for a moment, Captain”, Namjoon says and gestures Jungkook to open the door. The young officer obeys, holding it open as Namjoon shoves a protesting Yoongi out of the room. He closes the door again, muting the vivid fighting Yoongi was doing with Namjoon outside.

He meets your eyes, smiling awkwardly.

“Please forgive the Captain, Miss. He is very concerned about his citizens’ safety.” He is a terrible liar, but you don’t blame him. If you were in his situation, you would have no idea how to explain such a situation to a supposed innocent citizen either.

“Don’t worry. I, I’m just wondering if maybe I can finally leave? I’m sorry, this just really scared me and I just want to lie down at home now”, you act shaken up, looking at the young officer with pleading eyes. 

“Of course, Miss. Our honest apologies again, Miss. Please follow me”, he says and leads you out of the room.

Yoongi and Namjoon are still arguing, but stop when they see you come out. You lock eyes with Yoongi for the briefest of moments. 

He closes the distance and grabs your wrist, dragging you with him with such vigour that nobody truly gets time to act. Not even you know what was happening to you until you find yourself in his office with the door slammed shut. 

“What are you doing?” you gasp.

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not the one asking this question right now!”

“Yoongi, lower your voice. This isn’t the place for screams.”

He steps closer to you, pointing at your face in warning.

“I have every fucking right to scream right now and you know that”, he presses out through gritted teeth.

“Why? Because I finally don’t need you anymore?”

“You can’t move. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I’m-”

‘I'm not done”, he interrupts you, “I killed them for you. I did it. Just for you. Because your safety matters to me. I care.” He hits his own chest. “I showed you that I care and you’re gonna leave?”

You hate that you love him, but not for the usual reasons. You hate it because it hurts. You are going to leave despite not wanting to. You love him, perhaps you always will but you are also going to leave. 

You nod your head.

Yoongi exhales shakily, taking a stumbling step back. He stares at you as if you were the ghost whose haunting hurts him the most. He huffs out air, rubs his hand over his mouth, then runs it through his hair and down the side of his neck.

“I’ll kill the thief”, he says in the end.

“What?” 

“I'll make it seem like suicide. He’ll look like a pisser who couldn’t take prison and killed himself.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’s just a thief.”

“Well, what more do you need?!” he screams

“Nothing! I don’t need anything from you!”

“Why not? I can give you whatever you want!”

“Look at you. Now that you finally realised, I’m actually serious about the breakup, you wanna act like you care.”

“I care”, his voice broke, but you are both too angry to acknowledge it, “i-i-if I knew that you- I just-” He breathes in, breathes out, rubs his mouth, then his neck. “It can’t end like this. It can’t.”

“It can. I’m done begging you for everything.”

Yoongi steps closer.

“I can-”

“Sir? What is the meaning of this?” 

Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook are in the office. The rest of the precinct gawks at you and Yoongi through the doorway. The latter lifts his hands and steps back. His fingers are shaking. 

“The captain just voiced his worries for my move. Don’t worry about it, Kim Sir”, you lie and turn to leave, “may I finally leave?”

Namjoon tells Jungkook to handle it with a nod of his head. The young officer points at the open door.

“Please after you, Miss.”

Yoongi says your name. 

You look at him over your shoulder, despite knowing you shouldn’t. He takes a step closer, lifting his brows in pleading. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. You ball your hands to fists and turn your back to him.

Yoongi tries your name again, hoping for another look. One which doesn’t come. 

“Come back”, he tries, but gets stopped by Namjoon.

You can hear them talk as you leave.

“What the fuck’s your issue, man? You’ve been weird all day and now you’re screaming at citizens?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Hyung, I’m not here as your colleague right now. I’m here as your friend.”

“She’s gonna leave, she can’t…”

Jungkook leads you away from the office before you can hear Yoongi’s full answer. 

“Are you crying, Miss??”

“Hm? Oh that, don’t mind them. It’s just…” Your heart is broken and you want to run back to Yoongi. “...forgive me, I’m just a little shaken from everything.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. The captain isn’t normally like this.”

“It’s alright. I know how Yoongi can be sometimes.”

“Yoongi?” Jungkook asks, glancing at the captain’s office. He wonders what kind of friends you and he are. Maybe Those kind of friends? Is that why you are important to the captain? 

“I mean…sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish to go home now.”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Oh god, I don’t even have money for a bus ticket with me”, you murmur to yourself, looking for your wallet. This is all a scheme to get Jungkook to drive you home again. You are worried that if he didn’t, Yoongi would somehow get to you before you could reach the station.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss. As a policeman, it is my duty to make sure that you get home safely.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Of course, Miss.”

And so he takes you home and you hate yourself because of it. So it began. You were the first person who used his kindness to her advantage. You were the drop beginning the inevitable filling of the tank until one day it will swap over. And once that happens, it is almost impossible to stop the leak. Fuck, you are just as terrible as everyone else in this city.

But the young officer is oblivious to what you just did, driving you home with a kind smile on his face. He even walks you to your door and stays as you unlock it. Your neighbours are fucking again. He glances at their door, then awkwardly at you.

“Yeah, I’ve got new neighbours. You can’t go over there and flash your badge and tell them to shut up, can you?”

“Of course I can, Miss. Just one mom-”

“No stop, I was joking”, you stop him, studying him with exhausted eyes. You are so sorry. You are so fucking sorry.

“Ah, okay. Please forgive me, I always take everything way too seriously”, he says, scratching his own neck shyly. He furrows his brows. “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Run.”

“What?”

“Run back to your hometown. Run and never look back.”

“Excuse me?” he laughs in confusion, furrowing his brows harder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon Jungkook. This city will fucking ruin you.”

“I…uh…” He laughs nervously. “I don’t seem to follow, Miss. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to get it, just listen to me. Please.”

“O…kay? I uhm…”

“Thank you for driving me home. I’ll think of you sometimes in my new home.”

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I am. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Just promise me to run.”

“I promise?”

“Good. Be happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Miss, I-”

You close the door on him and lock it. You don’t expect him to knock or ring the bell. He is too proper to annoy you this way. You check the camera. He stares at the closed door for a few moments longer, looking confused. He lifts his hand to knock, hesitates and turns his back to the door instead, leaving down the steps to drive off. You know that you confused him, but you had to. Please let it be enough to save him.

V arrives later that day. He is stressed and clearly in a hurry.

“What’s wrong? You look like you need to be somewhere or like you need to shit. Do you need to shit?”

“What? No”, he sounds out of breath as well as annoyed, “I’m risking my ass being here. I’ve got your stuff. It’s the only thing except mine that I managed to save. Give me the money, quick.”

“Save?” you probe, giving him the money.

He stuffs it into his boxers hastily, looking over his shoulder again.

“My place got raided by cops. I was at the market getting food, then came back to five cop cars in front of my place. I barely escaped. If I didn’t always carry my stuff with me, I’d have been fucked.”

“What?!”

“Sorry, Hyacinth. Gotta leave the city for a while. I wish you all the best.”

“V, what the fuck?”

“Here’s to never seeing each other again, aye?” he jokes, laughing nervously. It’s a good thing he said. Never seeing each other again meant that you and he managed to escape safely.

“Wait. Where will you go?”

“I can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, just…be careful.”

“You too.”

He leaves and you know that he will be successful. If there is one person who won’t ever be found it is V. 

You are in a trance for the rest of the day. Yoongi raided V’s place. He went as far as to betray his own people just to make sure that you wouldn’t leave. Carrying your new passport feels like a trophy, as much as it feels like a curse. Leaving this city won’t be as easy anymore now that he knows. You are so fucking stupid for telling him, but you didn’t want to miss out on his reaction when he found out. The small moment of satisfaction seems skippable now that you know how far he is willing to go to keep you close. And because V came as late as he did, your means of escape don’t drive anymore either. You have to wait for the earliest bus if you wanted to or not. Fuck, you did this to yourself. You stupid fucking woman. Look at you. You have this big, honourable degree and still manage to get yourself into shitty situations over and over again.

You go to sleep with a gun under your pillow. You won’t risk anything.

You don’t get a lot of sleep and then a noise wakes you. You heard it as clear as day. Someone unlocked your front door. He sent men to get you. Now he’s gone too far. You jump out of bed and grab your loaded gun, tiptoeing to a spot from where you could observe the apartment. You have to be strategic about it. First count the men, then calculate the fastest way to shoot them, then act. The door closes and locks again. Clever bastards, they want to make sure that you don’t flee. Oh, you are going to have a blast killing them. One last little thing to leave Yoongi before you abandon him.

The automatic lights turn on. Got you, assholes.

The first enters your vision.

“Hm?”

Yoongi. Clearly drunk, he is dragging his feet over the floor, using the wall as support. No one else follows him. So he came here alone. 

Overtaken by anger, you jump out of hiding and at him.

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’re still hiding your keys under the flower pot. Don’t make me so worried, anyone could enter.”

“I’m gonna count to three and if you haven’t disappeared by then, I’ll shoot.”

“Can we talk?”

“One.”

“I know I fucked up. I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, can we try again?”

“Two.”

“I promise I changed. You were right, I was a joke. But I wanna do better now.”

“Three.” “I’m sorry!”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. His death never comes. He peels his eyes open again.

You are staring, panting heavily. Tears are in your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

This is the first time he is the one to say these words first. It feels so good, but you can’t give in again. You made up your mind to leave…didn’t you? You study the state of him. He is heavily intoxicated. He looks the way and reeks of it.

“You’re drunk.” 

He nods his head, furrowing his brows. He touches your elbows, caressing them softly. Such touch you only get when he is drunk.

“I drank because of you. What you said today. I just…don’t move away, please”, he begs, eyes filling with tears.

“So now you care? I wasn’t important to you when I was with you and now that I’m leaving, I’m suddenly important?”

“You’ve always been important.”

“No, I haven’t. You took me for granted.”

“I did and I’m sorry. I never should have taken you for granted. I’ll do better now, please just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“If I give you a chance again, you’ll just abuse it and hurt me.”

“No, I won’t. Please, I just.” He cups your face, running his thumbs under your eyes as gently as possible. “We were right once. We were so good together. We were a team and, and we had dreams and we made each other happy. I want this back, I wanna try to get this back again please.”

“I just want to be happy, Yoongi”, you press out.

“I’ll make you happy, baby. Please, I-I’ll make you happy again.”

“No, you’re drunk and talking fucking shit.”

“I’ll leave this city if you want me to.”

You falter. He would give up what he built just for you?

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I would. For you I would. I’d set this whole city on fire and leave with you as it burns to fucking ashes behind us, please.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Please”, he whispers and drops his forehead against yours, “please, I want to make you happy again.”

You hate that you love him. You hate that he made you addicted to him. This is so awfully him. He gives you enough affection that you get addicted to it then takes it away again. And once he feeds it to you again, you drink it up like an alcoholic. It is always the same. 

“No, you won’t. You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

“Leave my place.”

He presses himself off the wall and grabs the nuzzle of the gun, guiding it right between his brows.

“You have to kill me if you want me gone.”

You gulp. He forces your finger to the trigger. Your airways close up.

“Kill me. Fucking kill me. I can’t live without you anyways.”

You could end it. You’ve got everything. Your suitcases, your papers, the keys of his car he drunkenly drove like an asshole. You’ve got everything you need to escape this place. You could end it, finally make sure that you have no temptation to return. You could end him and your addiction with it. He’s got your finger on the trigger, it needs just one flex and it would be over. But you never wanted him dead. No matter how much you wished for him to be gone, you never wanted him dead. Because in some fucked up way, all you really wanted was for him to put more effort into you.

“No”, you whimper, shaking your head. 

He rips the gun from your fingers and drops it on your dresser. 

“I don’t want to kill you”, you press out, sobbing softly. 

He cradles your face, wiping your tears. 

“I know”, he gets out, nodding his head, “I know you don’t, princess. I know.”

“Yoongi”, you squeak out, twisting his shirt. 

“I’m here, princess. I’m here.”

He pulls you closer until his kiss is just one breath away, feeding on the shaky breath you let ghost against his lips. His drunken eyes gaze at your mouth, his heart is racing in his chest.

“Push me away”, he tells you.

“I hate you.”

“And I love you.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, finally touching his chest instead of his shirt. 

He moans and pulls you into a kiss. A deep, hungry kiss. 

You pull at his hair to get him off of you as much as you pull him closer, fighting for air. You hate that you love…do you really? Do you really fucking hate it? Do you really hate it when his kiss makes you feel alive again? You spent months feeling out of breath and now it’s gone. You can breathe again. At least metaphorically, physically he’s got you very close to passing out. You push at him to get distance. Air. He lets you breathe, but not escape. He pushes you to your sofa until your legs collide with the back of it. Your shaky breaths intermingle, your shared moans follow. His right hand slides to your ass, his knee lifts to your middle. 

You gasp, grinding down on him. You can’t protest because he kisses you so deeply it feels as if he wanted to consume your soul. He kisses and gropes, kisses and gropes until air is sparse. He gasps.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m fucked”, he gets out and pulls your head back so he could drag his tongue up your throat. 

It should disgust you, but it doesn’t. You moan, running your nails down his chest and arching your back. He lifts his head, looking at you with drunken, crazed obsession. His fingers just can’t stay still on your body. It is as if he wanted to touch everywhere at all times. The attention makes you short of breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You touch his cheek. He leans into your palm, closing his eyes when you trace his scar. You were with him when he got it. It was during a fight. He fought with his fists, his opponent chose the cowardly way and pulled a knife on him. He was lucky that he didn’t lose his eyesight. He hated it at first, but you made him feel handsome. You always looked out for him that way.

“Do you…do you think I’m handsome?” he asks. Such questions you only get when he’s drunk. 

“I do.”

His breath trembles as it leaves him. He drops his hand from your hips to take out his cock. He touches himself, gazing at you as if he needed the view of you to stay hard. And he does. He needs you. You are the only person who can turn him on.

You look at what his hand is doing, gulping heavily. He sighs, gazing at your face. You are as mesmerised by him as you were when everything was still good between you and him. His cock still has the same effect on you.

“Princess?” he tilts your head back up to meet your eyes, using only two fingers under your chin for it. 

You meet his eyes, heart racing unbearably.

“Yes?” One little lift of his brows and you give him the answer he craved. 

You part your legs, tilting your hips closer to him. You nod your head vigorously, gazing at his cock again.

He doesn’t bother to pull his pants down all the way, neither does he care about taking off your panties. He pushes them to the side and stuffs you full of him, gripping the edge of the couch and your right thigh as deep moans leave him. Your right leg is lifted like this, supported by him.

You gasp, tensing up. Your toes curl instantly, your fingers clutch his lower arms. His cock stretches you out and stuffs your walls. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is definitely intense. You gasp again, looking at him with widened eyes.

“I know baby, I know”, he breathes and bottoms out. “It’s been too long. Fuck.” 

He moves, chasing your warmth in drunk, sloppy thrusts. You writhe and gasp repeatedly, scratching the back of his neck. You want to hate that you love him. He should feel like an intruder. You should want to kick and scream for help. But you don’t want to. You feel whole again. No preparation, but he doesn’t hurt. His kiss and touch was enough. Your addiction to him runs so deep that his cock is pure heroin to you.

“Yoongi”, you get out, grabbing his throat. Your thumbs are on his Adam’s apple, threatening to press down.

He smiles, “I love you”, he gasps out and drops his head against yours. His long hair tickles your face, his drunken breath swirls over your skin. He gulps and moans under your fingers, pumping into you with no signs of slowing down. You start losing strength in your calf, standing like this is exhausting, but if you were being honest, you don’t want it to stop. 

“I hate you.”

“Fucking kill me then”, he rasps.

You close your fingers slightly.

“Harder. This isn’t gonna do it.”

“You first.”

“Fuck, baby”, he gets out and lifts you so he could round the sofa with you. He pins you down into the pillows, ripping the panties off of you and kicking his pants off. He pushes into you before you can truly realise what was happening, feeding you all of him until he can’t give any more. He twists the pillow next to your head as he takes on a punishing rhythm. His dark hair hangs into his face, his teeth are bared as he huffs like an angry animal.

“Yoon-”

“I know, baby I know. You already told me, baby. I know”, he whispers, wiping your cheek, “take me, I know you can. You’re my baby, you’re made for me.”

His praise is like medicine to you. This is all you needed. To know that he is still obsessed with you and that you still affect him. 

You close your legs around his hips, keeping him with you this way. You need him to always stay like this. He moans your name, slipping his fingers from your cheek to hold the pillow instead. You told him that you hated him, but your body betrays you. Your eyes betray you. You keep him close, gaze at him as if he was your everything. Yoongi’s head is turning. Not only from the alcohol, but also from being with you again. And from knowing that you still loved him.

Because he loves you so much. He hates himself for taking you for granted. He never should have. You are his everything. The fucking reason why he does all of this. The last three months were torture for him. He started smoking again, drank too much, slept too little, worked too many hours. And if he didn't distract himself with work, he tried thinking up ways of showing you that he was still there for you. He ordered his officers to look out for you, sent food deliveries to your place, parked in front of your place somewhere hidden to watch you smoke on the staircase. He also followed you sometimes after you confessed to him that some of his goons were terrorising you. And each time he followed you, he wished for you to notice him just so he could get a chance at talking to you again. But you never did and Yoongi thought that you will come back again soon. Then you told him that you would move and Yoongi finally broke. He was truly losing you. Three months of hell, of lonely nights and heartbreak and he was truly losing you. 

“I missed you”, he gets out, painting his name against your favourite spots. The eagerness with which you clasp him results in your hips to lift off the pillow, allowing your clit to grind against him each time he bottoms out. The necklaces he is wearing are tangling over your face. They were too long once, but Yoongi cut them to the perfect length so they wouldn't hit your face when you are underneath him. That was six months ago. During a time you thought he didn’t care anymore. You feel so stupid now. His way of showing you that he cared was always there. He was always looking out for you. You were just too blind to see. 

You gasp and whimper, mewl and keen, looking up at him with teary eyes and your fingers closing around nothing. You can’t tell him that you missed him too because you are too overwhelmed. 

“Did you miss me too?” but Yoongi is drunk tonight and when he is drunk he is needy for your affection. 

You nod your head. 

“Say it.”

“I missed you”, you get out, following it up with a sob. 

“Baby, I love you”, he croaks, wiping your tears before dropping his forehead against yours, “I love you, baby, I love you. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“You’re so drunk.”

“Yeah, drunk ‘cause of you. Thought I’ll lose you. Baby, I can’t lose you”, he croaks and shows you his honesty with passionate rolls of his hips. Somehow he goes even deeper than before, he hits your favourite spots even better. 

You arch your back and scream his name, throwing your head back as best as possible. This is electric. Holy shit, he makes you feel good. Your face scrunches up against your will, your feet shake on his back. 

Yoongi admires you with a pounding head and racing heart, repeating what he did before over and over and over again. You react in mewls and moans and screams and he can’t get enough of it. He wants for you to lose your fucking voice because you couldn’t stop screaming for him. Because if you sound like this for him, he makes you happy. It has been too long since you actually screamed this way, so Yoongi is especially affected by tonight.

He laces his fingers with yours – again, he is drunk – and squeezes them needily. He thinks that he is crying too. He watches pearls of something drip onto your face sometimes. His eyes also burn. He doesn’t want it to stop. He is willing to carry his emotions on his sleeve if it meant you were happy again.

“Is this what you needed? Does this finally make you fucking happy?” he gets out, chasing the ecstasy as much as he helps you with your own pleasure trip.

You squeeze his hands back, making him moan your name.

“Ye-yes.”

“Argh”, he growls, trying so much harder to fuck you right. It feels so good. He has to tell you. He stayed silent way too often in the past. You want his efforts and he wants to give them to you. “You feel so good.”

The first confession was hard because he isn’t used to sharing his feelings. It was hard, but it was also ecstatic because your sounds of pleasure became louder and you tightened around him, squeezing his hands happily. 

“You feel so good. You feel so fucking good. You feel so good, princess. You feel…so good”, he can’t stop now that he started, telling you over and over and over again how you make him feel. Good. So good. He feels so good when he is with you. “You are so good. Princess, fuck. I have to..I, I have to- ah!” 

You open your eyes in time with Yoongi collapsing on top of you. He whimpers into the crook of your neck, shaking almost pathetically.

There are two things you always believed to be true about Yoongi. First: When he fucks, his moans are always deep, raspy and growly. Second: He has perfect control over his orgasms. 

Both of these things are getting proven wrong to you right here and now as he whimpers and shakes and paints your walls with his unexpected orgasm. You want to blame the alcohol on it and maybe the months of abstinence, perhaps even the fear of losing you paired with the relief of having you again. Holy fuck, he actually loves you doesn’t he?

“I love you”,  he sobs, hugging you close. 

“Yoongi ah”, he breaks you with his confession and the tenderness with which he holds you. You swear that you can taste colours for a moment. You haven’t felt honestly good in your own skin in months. This right here is what feeling good is. This is it. 

You don’t know who comes down first. You think it is Yoongi, but even if he does, he doesn’t pull out. He lets you shake and throb and clench around him until your moment of peak pleasure is over as well. He holds you silently afterwards, catching his breath in the crook of your neck. He missed your scent like nothing else. Truly, it leaves him so drugged out that he actually finds himself drooling as he smiles like a giddy boy. 

You calm down with his weight atop your chest, his length still inside you and his hair between your fingers. It is still a little stiff and crusty from the variety of hair products he keeps in it during his day job. To think that mere hours ago, you were screaming at each other in his office. It feels so far away to you now. Like a memory of an unbelievable life.

You don’t hate that you love him. You really don’t. 

“How.” He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Are you sore? Does anything hurt?”

“No, but I’m leaking.”

“Fuck”, he laughs into your shoulder, nibbling on it gently, “sorry, I just…am drunk and missed you.”

“You were pathetic doing that.”

He laughs harder. You and he have a peculiar sense of humour. He knows that you meant it fondly. You laugh as well. He lifts his head at the sound of it, cupping your cheek. 

“If it means you’re laughing, I can live with being pathetic.”

Your heart flutters.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Booze. Way too much booze.”

You laugh again. His eyes soften, he caresses your face. 

“Definitely too much booze, yeah”, you agree.

“Mhm, fuck.” He cuddles into your shoulder again. “I’m sleeping here.”

“And you think I’d let you?”

He nods his head.

“Fuck, you’re the worst.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not.”

You wake up alone the next morning. It hurts. So nothing changed. He got what he wanted, made you addicted again only to leave. Like he always did. And you are left feeling dirty and used and fucking awful. 

You probably would have stayed in bed to cry the entire day if a very worrying noise hadn’t come from outside your door. Someone’s in your kitchen. You roll out of bed and leave the room. You don’t need weapons today. You are angry enough that you will probably be able to beat whoever is dumb enough to break in. 

You cross the corner and stop, lowering your fists.

Yoongi. 

He took a shower and tied all of his wet hair into a messy bun. He is shirtless, wearing a towel around his hips. Music is playing from his phone while on the stove, breakfast is sizzling. 

“You?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, face lighting up instantly. 

“Good morning, beautiful”, he says, closing the distance to take you into a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

You don’t answer him, you push at his chest so you could look at him. You can’t believe that he is still here and that he is making you breakfast.

“What’s the matter?” he asks. 

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

He furrows his brows, “why not?”

“I, I don’t know. I just, just. I thought that…huh? You didn’t leave?”

He frowns in regret for a moment, before leaning in to kiss your cheek. He gives your left buttock an almost playful squeeze afterwards, stepping back to return to the cooking.

“I’m making your favourite. I also cleaned. Your place was a shithole, honestly.”

Still flabbergasted beyond relief, you look around your small apartment. He didn’t just clean up the garbage and tidy, he fully wiped the place down. You check the clock next. It’s way past one at noon. You slept for more than twelve hours. Damn. You never even realised how much sleep these last three months took from you until you finally fell asleep in his arms again and actually stayed asleep. You feel refreshed and not uncomfortable in your own skin. 

Last, you look at Yoongi. He is humming to the music, switching between stirring the eggs in the pan and chopping up some pork belly. 

At first you don’t want to accept that this is actually happening to you, but then the desire to be close to him gets too grande to bear. You almost run to him, colliding with his back in a passionate hug. 

He stumbles and grunts, following it up with a fond chuckle and his big hands rubbing your lower arms. 

“Please don’t make me regret this again. Please.”

He turns in your arms, caressing your waist. He shakes his head, looking at you in ways he hasn’t looked at you in ages. As if he honestly loved you. 

“Can you promise me?”

“I promise you, baby”, he says in a soft voice and locks pinkies with you. 

The gesture is so cute and honest, that you have to stifle a giggle. Your heart hasn’t fluttered like this in ages.

“I have an idea. How about I’ll take next week off and we’re leaving this city for a while? Maybe the mountains? You’d like the air there”, he suggests. 

“Are you serious? Do you actually mean that?”

He nods his head. You and he began swaying to the music, looking at nothing else but the other. 

“But first I gotta sort out the mess I made when I busted V’s place”, he says.

“Yeah true.” You slap his chest. “Fuck you for that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know. I acted irrationally, I admit. But I’m gonna fix this. You know how easily I can make stuff disappear. He’ll be able to return again in a week or so.”

“I hope you’ll fix this, you idiot you.”

“Mhm, I will and then I’m taking you on a long vacation”, he says, kissing your forehead before hugging you against his chest.

You close your eyes, melting into his chest. 

“And when we’re there, I’m gonna make you breakfast and make you cum and make you smile. Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah”, you snicker.

He smells like your shower gel today, but you don’t mind. He hasn’t shown such an actual desire to change in months and it feels so good to receive. You love that you love him. You really do. 

“I love you, Yoongi”, you whisper, feeling him squeeze you for just a moment as your confession overwhelms him. 

“I love you too, princess”, he tells you and he is sober for it because he swore to himself that he won’t need alcohol anymore to be able to show you his affection. 

He is willing to better himself, he truly is and a week later, you and he are in his car on your way to a long vacation in the mountains.

[droolypupboy]

thread of things you can do to feel more puppy!!

warning, this is not for puppy regressors!! this is an nsfw post and probably not safe for u if you regress while online. stay safe, sfw puppies.

anyway. back to content for puppies who r fucking degenerates. i’m a switch & not only do i own a puppy sub but i am also one!! this is applicable for both partnered and solo pups, dw, there’s likely to be something here for everyone.

૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა

◟/づ🦴

🐾 grind on pillows and/or furniture!! pillows are an accessible option for everyone, not everyone has furniture they can feel comfortable doing that on because maybe they don’t live alone or what have you. but pillows are an amazing option for any and all needy puppies.

🐾 snacks can help u feel puppy a lotttt!! while it can be fun to have your partner feed you little treats, you can also absolutely do this on your own. while you’re not in the headspace, set up small little snacks for you to have for when you follow rules or actions you set up for yourself. ppl often underestimate how satisfying solo play can be!! but it can be awesome. good ideas for pup snacks can be small cookies reminiscent of dog treats (scooby snack graham cracker cookies if you’re in the u.s., highly recommend), little cubes of meat and cheese, or dry cereal. it doesn’t have to be those things though, it can be anything broken up into small pieces. be creative!!

🐾 some people enjoy eating or drinking out of dog bowls but for some, that’s inaccessible or maybe just not to their taste. another option can be water bottles with spouts you have to suck on (oral fixation is so so so puppy!!). smaller sized snack bowls also work well for this. anything notably small can help a lot with headspace i find because a large part of puppyspace for many is feeling tiny and :3. if you know you know pfffft.

🐾 here’s a simple one!! have an article of clothing or jewelry you wear only during puppy time :) of course there’s the obvious ones; harnesses, ears, collars. but even just a bracelet or a sweater can work if you only wear it during pupspace and get your brain to associate it.

🐾 if you go into the headspace online (as i’m sure many of you reading do if ur here), you can do certain typing things to help you feel even more puppy. using certain emojis or doing a little :3 or :> it’s pretty common to have your voice change tone and your words get more simple when in a smaller mindset so it can be fun to have your typing also reflect this!! typing out “woof” or “arf” r silly but they r cute and i recommend it, 10/10.

🐾 find something you can safely bite on!! nothing you could choke on or that could hurt you. chewelry is rlly good for this, i’d recommend looking on etsy for some. but you can also just buy a new actual dog toy (fresh, not used, clean it before). puppies need to teethe!! the urge to bite is super common.

🐾 if you have enough privacy, play fetch with yourself. why not?? you can bounce a ball off the walls and even if you’re in a small room where you don’t have far to get to it, you’re still pretty likely to get excitable abt it!! if you’re doing this outside don’t put the toy in your mouth, if you’re indoors you can probably feel more comfortable to do this safely if you’re using something big enough not to choke yourself with.

🐾 ride toys!! it’s hard to do things yourself, riding or suction cupping a toy to a wall so you can just lay down and move ur needy hips against it can be wonderful for puppyspace.

🐾 suck your fingers or your partners fingers!! puppies need our mouths occupied. gently chewing on fingers, probably not enough to hurt (maybe tho, good for you), just enough to feel like you’re gnawing a bit, is SO so so good. this doesn’t even have to be sexual, drifting off to sleep with fingers or a gag (nothing that you could accidentally swallow) in your mouth can help you wake up puppy!! i wouldn’t recommend sleeping with a gag in long term, that’s more for naps or on special occasions. like i mentioned before; oral fixation oral fixation oral fixation!! you should also suck toys and cock 🤍🤍

🐾 wag your hips or kick your feet!! it’s like wagging ur tail :> wiggles can come naturally when in pupspace so embrace them as ur “phantom tail” pfffft

🐾 “puppyparts” “puppycunt” “puppyholes” “puppycock” “puppyanything”🏃🏃

remember, if some of these aren’t applicable to you and how you like to play, you are not any less puppy. these are general, not one size fits all. there are countless different ways to be puppy and i don’t think any two people should be doing it the EXACT same way. we all have our quirks, we all have our individual headspaces.

have fun and play safe, puppies 🐾🦴🎾

[mellowwillowy]

Yan! Boyfriend x GN Reader NSFW

CW: lots of kink (dom-sub) play (Yan & Reader) , SFW

—𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓 - 𝑳𝑰𝒇𝑬 𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕

Yan! Boyfriend is the type of boyfriend who will do all sorts of kinks you are into as long as it's with you. Submissive? A-OK. Dominant? A-OK.

Yan! Boyfriend who prioritizes your pleasure and fantasy over his, he is open to all roles you want him to take. Take him or have him take you? Doesn't matter at all! As long as it's you ^^

"Bark for me, cmon' pup."

"Woof!"

A collar around his neck with a leash on it tugs him closer toward you as he crawls toward you on four. He looks really expectant of what you will be doing to him. Maybe you should use him as a footstool as well.

Yan! Boyfriend who is very vocal in voicing how he's feeling (unless... ekhem... he's told to not). Always makes you feel like you are the one in control and will always say something that will boost your confidence and ego.

"You are making me feel so good... more..., do me more yeah? I'm going nuts just from having you feeling my skin like this..." Blue whimpers as he kisses your skin, leaving a trail of hickeys here and there.

Yan! Boyfriend who will welcome any lashes you gave him if you are into that, wax play might be his favorite, or perhaps Shibari if you know how to tie him up. Cuffing his limbs while blindfolding him is good too. Everything is his favorite as long as it's you who are doing him.

Yan! Boyfriend who will help you subconsciously while you are doing him. Jerk his hips so that your hand will accidentally feel one of those sensitive veins or angle his ass right so that your finger hit his prostate.

"Love, don't leave me unattended yeah? My cock is aching for your- mmh-!" Blue jolts as you place the gag around his lip, shutting him for well.

Yan! Boyfriend who really likes eating you out/giving you head, it's almost as though he is having a dessert! Those sweet nectars of yours are just so addicting ♡ will do that whenever and wherever he gets the chance.

The thing about Yan! Boyfriend is that he really REALLY likes anything you do to him. For example, he is neutral with foot stuff but the moment you use yours to give him a footjob... let's just say he won't stop bucking his up to have you rub that one vein of his.

"Ghak- love! I- I think-! Feels goooood!!"

Yan! Boyfriend who likes it if you clamp his nipples with those clampers, you should totally ram his inside too with all those vibrators all over him!

Yan! Boyfriend who can be dominant too! He knows all sorts of techniques that he should use against you. Uh... please forget the image and impression you had on him the first time you two met! He looked like a player but he wasn't!

Yan! Boyfriend who enjoys the 'face down ass up during' this play. Will rest his hand, tugging on your hair. Your ass? Abused. Red, with his hand imprinted on your cheeks. Nipples? Abused. Just one blow and you are twitching from the oversimulation. Sex? Abused. How many times have you come?

"What's wrong love? Can't keep up with me? Too bad we are going all in 'till the sun rises."

Yan! Boyfriend who enjoys seeing his cum dribbling out of you, painting your thighs white with it. You just look so ravishing with the amount of bite marks and hickeys he left all over you! How about another round?

Yan! Boyfriend who likes to scoop his cum back into you while his fingers feel your inside again, making you twitch from the high you are currently riding. He still has a lot to be loaded into you so bear with him okay?

Yan! Boyfriend who loves whispering all those degrading praises as his cock rams your insides, will stroke your hair to ease you down while at it.

"My love... whoring out for me so well... taking my cock so well hm?"

Yan! Boyfriend is just as good as Yan! Lawyer Husband in terms of aftercare! Will shower with you only to end up having you ride his cock again in the tub or your hole drilled in the shower. There, there, let it out. He'll just have to wash you again right there.

Yan! Boyfriend who likes to leave hickeys anywhere that is visible for people to see. It may be subtle bite marks or those faint hickeys so that you won't whine about it so much.

But it's still there to let people know you are his.

[pollyanna-nana]

I think it’s so interesting that Kui decided to show us how differences in lifespan affect tallmen and elf relationships from both angles with Kabru and Thistle and also how that reflects real-life abusive situations. And then goes on to deconstruct that by showing how genuine understanding and respect CAN exist between the races with other characters!

Kabru being raised by an elf (who is shown to only have a superficial respect for short-lived races, the same one might have for a pet in a lot of ways) and treated like a child even though he’s in his 20s. After all, a 20 year old elf would be a kindergartener, and Milsiril seems to have a rather toxic combination of overprotectiveness and dehumanizing tendencies that leads to perpetually seeing the children she raises as children, even well into adulthood for their race.

And yet, we see with characters like Otta that this doesn’t have to be true of EVERY elf (nor should it logically be, especially those who spend actual time around short-lived races.) For all the jokes made at her expense I actually think it’s really interesting that she’s also canonically queer since recognizing the agency and maturity of short-lived races is in itself a type of queerness in elf society from what we’ve seen. Senshi too, as funny as his misconstruing Chilchuck as a child is I think it’s really important that he realizes his mistake and rethinks his assumptions on short-lived races following his example. It doesn’t HAVE to be the way it is, but it will take work on each side to improve things.

Then on Thistle’s end… woof. Complete opposite of Kabru, it was difficult for the tallmen of the golden kingdom to comprehend how someone in their, like, 60s could still behave like a teenager and chalked that up to a personal and moral failing rather than literal differences in biology (kind of an autistic mood but that’s a conversation for later.) It’s just as disturbing as Milsiril’s treatment of the children she adopts really, since they explicitly didn’t want an adult that could exert their own agency and control over their situation. And the thing is it’s not like that’s totally uncalled for, the previous points show how a non-insignificant number of members of long-lived races do genuinely see short-lived races as inferior, or are otherwise ignorant, like with below.

It ended up working out just how they wanted, because Thistle’s child-like innocence and singleminded desire to make the only family he had happy meant he was never going to do anything he didn’t think would help them… which then backfired, because of course it would. It’s overcontrolling and manipulative parenting, but with the added spice of lifespan differences and magic. Kabru ended up detesting the elves that raised him and wanting nothing to do with them, and Thistle basically had a massive breakdown trying too hard to please everyone. Infantilization vs adultification, as some have said, with predictable results.

[groundzerosgirlfriend]

A/n: Just binge watched all three seasons of Dr. Stone and Senku and Tsukasa can do whatever they want to me! Bark Bakrk woof Awooga!

Soft boyfriend Tsukasa: That revived you in this new stone world with the 'miracle fluid' after gathering a strong enough army, to ensure your safety at all times.

Soft boyfriend Tsukasa: That barely wants his right-hand man Hyoga to be around you unless it's absolutely necessary going out of way to forage, fish, and hunt with you.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: That sits beside you for quality time as you sew and talk his ear off about everything that runs his mind and although he could spend his time elsewhere, where else would he want to be.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: That is still as sweet as he was 3,700 years ago instead of carrying your books to school, he carries any prey you caught, any basket of mushrooms, and any firewood (He doesn't want his gorgeous girl working hard, what type of boyfriend would he be).

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: That ignores all the other attractive women (much to the disappointment of Minami) in his empire throwing themselves at him much preferring to keep his sights set on you. His one and only.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Whose heart breaks as you finally see him firsthand destroy a statue of an older gentleman the crumbled rock around his feet and his gut twisting as your eyes prick the slightest tears.

Soft boyfriend Tsukasa: Who doesn't follow after you when your quick leave his vicinity not wanting to pressure you into talking to him, knowing how empathetic you are about a lot of things (It's one of the things he loves about you, but right now it's biting him in the ass).

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Whose heart beats harder than it ever has when comparing it to any of his grueling wrestling matches after a week of silence on your end you sit next to him at the campfire site just leaning your head on his shoulder.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who's about to apologize for slaughtering those statues in front of you and explain his reasoning behind his uncouth action is surprised when you tell him 'You don't mind.'

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who stays quiet with ears open as you express that although you don't like what he's doing, you condone killing innocent people statues or not, but you won't question it or force him to stop knowing it has to be for good reason.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who places his huge hands-on top of yours just giving a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement and thankfulness, because in this moment no words need to be said as the fire crackles in front of you two.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who is now happier than he thinks he's ever been having both you and his newly revived sister free from her dreaded comatose (with the help of Senku) at his side.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who smiles the slightest bit and chuckles softly as he watches from the sidelines you entertain and play with his younger sister grateful that the two of you get along so well and even wondering if one day you would want a family with him. A blend of both of your genes.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: That sacrifices his life with a spear piercing through his lung at the river side when Hyoga attempts to attack you and Miria. The last thing he sees before he falls into the river is you and Senku reaching out for him in a desperate attempt to catch him.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: After his epic battle with Senku at his side he spends his last minutes alive breathing ragged and hoarse with you and the renowned scientist. His head in your lap and holding each other hands as he chuckles at Senku's attempt at small talk.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: That whispers out a barely heard "I love you" but before you can even comprehend it and much less respond his eyes softly close, and his breathing comes to a permanent stop.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who unknowingly has you and his sister by his side the entire time he is in cold sleep. Barely leaving the makeshift refrigerator as you tell him stories and talk his ear off knowing that you won't get a response.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who when he's finally revived and healed from what were once permanent wounds hugs his teary-eyed little sister and looks around the cave space for you inconspicuously knowing you couldn't be far.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who finally spots you in the very back of the group your lip quivering as he cracks the softest of smiles and hold his arms open for you to rush into as you cry and snot all over his bare chest comforting you with the fact that he was alive and well now.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who even though was dead for months on end in that cold refrigerator somehow knew that you were by his side the entire time thanking you for never giving up on him.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who sits with you on the cave floor simply murmuring low sweet nothings in your ear as you cling onto him as if to make sure he's really alive and well, your head pressed against his chest to hear his heart beating once more.

Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who says "Let me say it properly this time, my dear. I love you."

Extra: Soft Boyfriend Tsukasa: Who could most definitely manhandle you like a little ragdoll but refrains from it since you've never expressed interest in such rough treatment. But after he tosses you over his shoulder to carry you out the cave without asking in the heat of the moment and hears your delighted giggle, he'll be sure to bring that up with you.

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[g0reoz]

getting that Thing again where im so fucking pissed that i can't gain weight. you guys i am seriously This close to shoveling a protein bar or two down my gullet and immediately puking because my body hates me. why does it hate me!! when will it stop hating me! why do i work my ass off on exercising and eating regularly and enough and well when Nothing stays!!! and sometimes i get violently ill from it and am left feeling weak and tired and having to regain ground after the fact! I Am So Mad Right Now for Arbitrary Reasons I Cannot Control.

[ilovehugslikealotalot]

How She Got That Girl

little moodboard:

sum: Rebecca saw you, she wanted you, she got you.

based off of How You Get the Girl (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

a/n: did I add some Jemily references? Yes. Also did I add a couple other references? Yes. Have fun finding them! :) -V

WARNING: fluff, tiniest bit of angst if you squint, flirty!rebecca (she’s just a girl desperate for love), this is honestly just a lighthearted fic, American!reader, cringey writing :)

NOT PROOFREAD

Rebecca knew from the moment she laid her eyes on your very impressive figure, that she wanted you. She definitely knew that you, in fact, were the one after laughing ridiculously loud at one of her jokes. The way your nose scrunched, a snort escaping you as people looked at you, Rebecca, and Keeley. Walking into the café, she was only expecting to walk out with a cappuccino and Keeley. Not with a new crush and a light pink hue gracing her features.

Keeley told Rebecca that you were fit but, the club owner didn’t know you were that fit. “Someone’s smitten!” Keeley smirked, nudging her best friend’s arm.

Rebecca let out a sigh, “Did you have to introduce me to her on the day my hair won’t cooperate?” She let out a groan, letting Keeley get into the car first.

The whole ride to the club was filled with Keeley talking about you, your accomplishments, and how you were so good at your job. You were a Veterinarian, your clinic wasn’t too far from the club.

“I mean, you should shoot your shot. She’s really sweet but, I have to warn you she can be a bit slow.”

Maybe Rebecca would pay you a visit. You mentioned during a conversation, that you loved flowers. Maybe…just maybe…she could bring you some. With a smile, she took Keeley’s advice. She would make a plan to try and get to know you more.

It went a little bit like this:

——

First, with the unwavering support of Keeley, of course. Rebecca had mustered up the courage to get back into the dating game. It wasn’t a hard decision, especially when you were the one she wanted. Standing there with your charming, flashy smile. The phone was pressed against her ear, gently halting the car to a stop in the parking lot.

“Just be the normal, charming, and wealthy Rebecca I know! Y’know…like be serious but, make sure you don’t sound stuck up because…” Rebecca’s guts did all sorts of flips. Her mind raced, as her thoughts canceled out Keeley’s word.

Maybe it was a bad thing that she took her mother’s Bernese Mountain Dog, Shelley, for a checkup just to see you. It was okay, right? Shell was already overdue for one, anyway. So, why not knock down two birds with one stone?

Keeley hung up the phone, encouraging her friend to be outgoing. She could charm her way into anything.

Rebecca wrapped her coat tighter around her, Shelley was always a good girl she had full trust that the smart dog could help her try to win you over. Rebecca stopped near the door, “Alright, Shell, just like we talked about in the car, okay? I really hope you understood.” She said scratching her head. The dog wagged her tail so violently her body seemed to shake. She was a friendly girl, even if there was an intruder in the home. Shelley would just flip over on her back, begging for belly rubs.

She let out a deep ‘woof’ her tongue sticking out of her snout.

Rebecca let out a small laugh, pushing the door open. She was greeted with the scent of vanilla and what seemed to be coffee. Many people were sitting down, a hushed bustle in the waiting room. Slight chatter from some people who knew each other. The clinic seemed well off. Rebecca filled out the forms, handing them back to the receptionist with a smile.

“Doctor Y/l/n will be you shortly” she said, a cheerful aura was around her as she typed on the computer. She was clearly stressed and trying not to show it.

Rebecca nodded her head, sitting down on one of the sofa’s. Shelley’s head rested on Rebecca’s thigh as the blonde mindlessly scratched the dogs head. The club owner looked through her emails. She really wasn’t in the mood to respond to them. “Rebecca…?” You called out, smiling as you saw her. You didn’t expect to see her here.

Immediately, Rebecca’s head shot up, she stood, Shelley excitedly followed her.

“Y/n! I didn’t know you worked here!” lie.

“Oh, yeah! I’ve been here for a little bit, actually.” You smiled, not aware of the way Rebecca’s heart rate increased. “Let’s head to my office, yeah?” You said, leading them down the hall. Rebecca followed you like a lovesick puppy, ironic isn’t it?

The woman helped you get Shelley on the table, the dog excitedly wagged her tail again. She was licking your hand, excitedly shaking with excitement. “Awh, you’re too sweet! What’s her name, Becca?” You asked, the nickname sort of just slipping out.

Rebecca just blushed a bit, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she stood awkwardly. You really know how to make her feel like the worlds stupidest woman.

How is it that her name rolled off of your tongue so easily? It made her feel like everyone, even her parents, have been saying her name wrong her whole life. How is it that you, a mere veterinarian, made her feel like she was struck by lightning, got up, then struck again.

It wasn’t until you called her name once more that she realized she wasn’t responding.

“Oh! Sorry, her name’s Shelley”

With a smile, you nodded, beginning the checkup. Checking for weight, heart beats, and feeling for any peculiar bumps on Shelley’s body. Rebecca, of course, couldn’t care less about the checkup. She knew Shelley was fine.

She was too focused on the way your hands moved so skillfully. Each movement deriving from, no doubt, years of studying and practice.

Oh, how she wished you could hold her in those very hands.

After a few good minutes, a little bit of awkward tension rose. Rebecca blamed herself, why was she so…awkward around you? Usually she could charm her love interests with ease…but you? That was a question she’d never be able to answer.

She couldn’t form a coherent sentence without sounding like an uneducated teenage boy.

“So, how’s your day?” You asked, flashing a light in the dogs eyes. Checking for any abnormal activity. Rebecca perked up a bit, “Well it’s been slow at the club. I predict it’s not for long, especially with another game coming up. How was yours, love?” The woman said, proud of herself for not stumbling over any words.

You felt a blush itch at your cheek but quickly shooing it away. The Rebecca Welton couldn’t like you like that…right?

“Well, uh…we’ve been insanely busy today. Haven’t even the time to think, my minds just been on autopilot all day.” You confessed, laughing a bit as you sat your stethoscope down. Rebecca looked at you with a raised brow. Poor thing, you seemed like the type to work yourself till you dropped.

“I’ve seen, by the way…have you eaten?” The blonde asked, tilting her head a bit. She was concerned, it was well past 2 o’clock. You had to think for a moment. “No, I haven’t skipped breakfast because I’d be late, I haven’t had lunch yet either. It’s just been so busy I haven’t had the time to think about food.”

Rebecca sighed, you needed to take better care of yourself.

“Well, when does you shift end?”

“Right after I’m done with you. Why?” You asked, raking your hands through Shelley’s hair. “Well, I’d like to take you out for a late lunch. Are you alright with that?”

Not being able to trust your speech. You only smiled nodding, lunch with your dream girl? That was not on your bingo card. You looked at her clothes, not trusting your eyes to give the right message. Her pink blouse looked good on her.

“You look very nice in pink”

Rebecca gave you that adorable smile, you swear you couldn’t move. Just giggle. You almost never did that, yet with Rebecca you felt like a high schooler texting their boyfriend.

Lunch was going to be amazing.

——

Next, Keeley had invited you to visit AFC Richmond, you used to live near West Ham and even dated a player from there. After the breakup, you didn’t really like to get into soccer football. He always made it clear you were nothing more than nice eye candy for press. An object he can use however her pleases.

Of course, the relationship ended quick.

You were glad you left him. He was a very dull man.

A squeal broke you from your thoughts, Keeley ran down the hallway into your arms. “Y/N!!!” She screamed your name all the way down the hall. Some people giving side eyes or letting out a chuckle knowing how the bubbly woman could be.

“Hello to you too Keels!” You laughed, busy hugging your friend not noticing the other, taller, blonde strutting up to both of you. It wasn’t until her sultry voice reached your ears that you realized she was there.

“Y/n, what a pleasant surprise!” She smirked, standing confidently. Rebecca loved the way she towered over you, smiling as you parted from Keeley. “It’s nice to see you too, Rebecca” You squeaked, not expecting her to open up her arms for a hug. It wasn’t until you were in her arms that you realized it was the most heavenly thing you’ve ever felt.

She was like a warm teddy bear, you never wanted to let go. Yet, you had to or it’d be awkward. Keeley saw the way both of you interacted, she let out a soft sigh, pretending something came up on her phone. “Oh shucks! Looks like my presence is needed elsewhere. I’m so sorry, babes. Maybe Rebecca can show you ‘round?”

Rebecca’s eyes widened letting go of you as you turned around with a slight pout. “Awh, Keels! That’s okay, next time!” You assured, looking at Rebecca. The woman swallowed hard, this was not planned at all. She wasn’t even prepared!

“Sure! I can show this one around. Enjoy your…whatever it is, Keeley!” The blonde said, her eyes boring in Keeley’s head. The other blonde just smiled waving as she walked away, clearly proud of herself.

You turned back to Rebecca with a smile, “Whenever you’re ready, boss lady,” Rebecca let out a laugh. How ironic, the two American’s in her life both calling her boss. She was sure Ted was gonna love you.

Rebecca let you hook your arm through hers. She loved how you looked with her, arm and arm. She’d swear it was meant to be. Keeley would support her, Higgins would call her delusional, Ted would just sigh, put his head in his hands, and swing his legs. That man was really something else.

Continuing down the hall, she showed you the trophy case, bringing you to the lockeroom that smelt of axe body spray and man sweat. Leading you to the coaches office, she told you who sat where.

You looked around in awe, you had always been a Hammer since you moved to the U.K. but now, you just might be a Greyhound.

She showed you the pitch, for some reason the boys weren’t out there. Rebecca thought it was weird but she brushed it off. You could meet them all at a later time.

Leading you upstairs, she showed you her office. She let you walk in first, you gasped. It was so beautiful. Not to mention the windows that had a very clear view of the pitch. The glass desk was gorgeous though, you noticed the biscuit crumbs. You made a mental note a few days ago that she loved biscuits. You should bake her some when you get the chance.

Rushing toward the big windows, you pressed yourself against them lightly looking out onto the pitch. How could any ever be so unhappy to have this view? You heard a chuckle behind you. You knew it was Rebecca. “This place is beautiful!” You beamed turning around to hug her.

“Thanks for showing me around, you didn’t have to. I know you have a tight schedule. Being a football club owner and all…” You said sheepishly, she only smiled, her hand resting on your shoulders.

“I will always find time for you, silly!” She smiled, her hands moving to cup your cheeks.

You blushed, hard.

——

Third, she invited you over to her house. Both of you agreed on a little movie night since everyone seemed to be with their significant other that weekend. It served as a reminder that the two women were still single.

With a big grin, you let yourself in, Rebecca had told you that she left a key for you in the potted plant. Gently putting it back, you called out to her, “Becca? You home?”

The woman ran through her house, letting out a loud scream as she saw you. You squealed, immediately running into each other’s arms. She gave you a kiss on the cheek, which could mean nothing.

“I’m so glad you’re here! Okay, c’mon. I got every snack in the world over here.” She said, excitedly leading you to the living room.

Her house was a mixture or luxurious and cozy. You could definitely get used to being wrapped up in her strong arms while watching a movie. Even if it wasn’t that time yet, the both of you decided to watch a Christmas movie. Klaus was one of your favorites, though it wasn’t exactly the most popular choice.

As the movie played, you couldn’t help but snuggle closer to Rebecca, sighing contently as you did so. The woman looked down at you, admiring that way you looked so comfortable with her arms wrapped around you. It was like the two of you have done it before.

The movie was delightful, though she couldn’t focus on it much with your adorable laughter and constant need to make her blush. Most of the time she just looked at you, playing with your hair, or drawing invisible shapes on your stomach.

“Would you ever be open to baking biscuits with me?” You asked as the movie rolled to the credits, “Yes, of course! Why not?”

Rebecca smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her face. You hummed, looking up at her as you sat up. “Alright! We’ll have to do that next time” You said, placing your head on her shoulder. The woman chuckled. “why not do it now? I mean I have everything, at least, I think I do.”

You sat up with a wide smile, the view alone made Rebecca’s stomach do all sorts of flips. “Well, come on!”

~~~

The biscuits were now in the oven, you and Rebecca were talking about anything and everything. Rebecca sat on one of the stools next to the kitchen island and you sat on the counter. “Oh really? That’s impressive!” You complimented, Rebecca was telling you the story of how she hired Ted to be the coach because she knew he was a kind man and wanted there to be positivity in the lockeroom. Plus, she added that it took her weeks of calling and emailing to get his attention. It was a load of nonsense but, you ate it right up.

She could tell that you didn’t know much about football, considering how you didn’t even know she owned the club before the both of you met. Plus, she asked you if you knew who the man was in the black and white picture in the trophy case. That meant you didn’t know about Rupert either, maybe this was her clean start. She wanted to make a good impression without other situations defining who or what she was.

“So, did you ever play any sports?” Addison asked, somewhere along their conversation, Addison had wound up with Rebecca’s hand in hers, messing with the older woman’s rings.

“I did, only for a little bit though. I played Tennis until I broke my ankle. After that, I started working as a bartender.” You nodded along, completely enchanted by her. I mean, what person wouldn’t be?

Ding!

Oh! Well, there goes the biscuits. You were gentle with the whole baking process, Rebecca wasn’t patient enough for it but she definitely tried to act like it for your sake. Pulling out the tray, you fanned them a bit with your hand. The older blonde, watched as you did so, how could someone like you be single?

Wait, she never even asked if you were-

“Alright, be careful they’re still a bit hot” Rebecca wasted no time shoving one into her mouth. She let out a satisfied grumble, “Oh, fuck me…”

You were a damn fine baker that’s for sure.

——

The lingering feeling in your stomach after the last few encounters and hangouts with Rebecca made your heart flutter. It wasn’t dirty, no. Far from it. It was heartfelt. She’d offered to walk you home insisting that it’d be better for the environment.

Both of you knew that was a lie. She just wanted to get to know you. No one had gone out of their way to do that.

It was safe to say you were slowly falling for the woman. The way she’d text you often, sometimes just to make sure you were having a good day. Made your knees weak and tummy barrel roll. When you weren’t, she’d make sure to cheer you up. She always knew how too.

Not to mention, she’d always call you during your breaks or after shifts. She’d made a point to memorize your schedule so she wouldn’t disturb you. You found it sweet.

“So, y/n what’s up with you and blondie, eh?” Tricia asked, cleaning some medical tools as you leaned on the counter next to her a dreamy look in your eyes. “Huh? Oh! Rebecca? She’s…she’s great! Yeah, totally awesome sauce!” You said a little too confidently, in your head, you were cringing. What did you just say?

Tricia made a face, with a snort she continued. “Okaaaaay, so…Rebecca. Look, I’ve known you long enough to know you only say that when you’re crushing.”

You nodded, sitting up to look at her with a goofy smile. She smirked, “You definitely have the hots for her, I think she might have the hots for you too. I mean, the way she looked at you made it ridiculously obvious.” The nurse stated, making sure to dry the tool before putting it in the cabinet. Turning to her friend, she let out a sigh.

“I mean, I’m not the only one who agrees, Megan, Gia, Koko, a few more have seen her look at you. When she made her appointment she specifically asked for you. She totally want to get to know you.” She woman admitted, crossing her arms with a wink.

The thought made you blush, was that why she came to this clinic? It only made you swoon further. You giggled again, why was it that you giggled at the thought of that. You usually would let out a snort or cackle when laughing. But for some reason she made you feel like an obsessed teenager.

“Well, while you do that. You still up for movie night next week?” Tricia asked, looking at you with a smile. You reciprocated it, nodding. The woman threw a thumbs up before exiting the room. You spent a couple more minutes going over the last few patients you had. Making sure to schedule some of their follow ups.

Suddenly the door burst open, it was Candy one of the younger nurses. “Uh, Y/n? You remember that blonde woman you went out to eat with? Well, uh, she’s upfront. Asking for you, she’s got flowers~” The young woman said with sing song voice, doing a little shimmy. You immediately perked up, running out the door and down the hall. Before entering the waiting room, you fixed everything. Your hair, face, clothes, everything

Pushing the door open, you smiled seeing Rebecca. She was wearing a pink dress and oh goodness…it looked absolutely heavenly on her.

“Hello, love! I thought I’d drop by, you mentioned it was a slow day so…I know it wouldn’t hurt to give you these” Rebecca said softly, handing you a small bouquet of flowers. They were breathtaking. You took them in your hand with a look of gratitude, Rebecca was so sweet.

You heard some snickers and a couple ‘Ooh La La!’s behind you. Turning around, you saw some of your co-workers walking away and giving kissy faces, throwing a couple winks too. Candy made a scissor motion with her hands as she disappeared down the hallway. That girl was going to be the death of you! You made a mental note to strangle her later.

Rotating your head back to Rebecca, you could tell she didn’t see any of that. The woman was just staring nervously at you. With a warm smile, you embraced her mumbling a ‘thank you’ in her shoulder. Looking up, you got on your tip toes, kissing her cheek.

She just gave you a hum, wrapping her arms around you gently, almost as if she would break you if she squeezed too hard. Pulling away a bit, you could see the slight smirk on her face. There was the real playful Rebecca. She kept her hand on your hips, her thumb running up and down.

“Look, I know how slow the clinic is right now but, I know how hard you work so…how about dinner? My treat.” She asked confidently, giving you a wink. You immediately beamed at the offer, though you hesitated a bit, it was still hard to believe Rebecca could just use her precious time on you. “I…Are you sure? That’d be lovely but aren’t you busy with like a game or something?”

Rebecca chuckled lightly, “No, sweet love. Even if there was, I’d cancel for you. You have no plans tonight, yes?”

“No, ma’am!” You responded, clutching the small bouquet to her chest.

”Alright then, I’ll pick you up at 7”

——

Just as she had planned. The dinner was lovely, Rebecca showered you with nothing but love. The two of you subtly flirted all the way to your home, both of you settled on your couch, sipping on white wine as the two of you talked the night away.

The T.V. was playing but both of you didn’t pay any mind to it.

It was safe to say she had you wrapped around her finger the whole evening, or at least she thought so.

“You mentioned you’ve never actually gone to a game before, why is that..?” Rebecca asked, her voice a tad husky as she scooted a little closer. The woman took it upon herself to figure out everything about you, looking through your socials to see you’ve dated a football layer in the past. You didn’t catch the hungry look in her eyes as you responded, “Well, I don’t know if you know this, my last boyfriend was a football player. He said he didn’t want to show me off for safety reasons but it was all crap.”

The club owner hummed, placing her wine down on the slim, rectangular table behind your couch. Her hand coming up to you face brushing a piece of hair away. Cupping your face in her hands, she caressed your cheek softly, it was only for a brief moment before her hand trailed down to your neck. Stopping at your collarbone, her hand rested at the diamond necklace you wore.

It sparkled brightly, not quite like you did though. She thought you were shiniest gem in the world.

“Well, he’s an idiot, a pretty thing like you should be shown off, darling” She smirked, her thumb resting softly on your bottom lip. You leaned in slightly, your eyes darting to her lips. Oh, how soft they looked.

“You should accompany me during our ‘friendly’ then, it’s all the way in Amsterdam. I wouldn’t mind sharing a room.”

“Oh, I’d love to come! Really, I do. But…” there it was. Rejection.

“I have this event with my girl friend. I haven’t gone out with her in ages, maybe…next week?” You asked, “If that’s okay with you!”

Rebecca felt her heart drop. Girlfriend?

She felt ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. How could such a stunning woman like you be single? It was her fault for not asking. Maybe you thought this was just supposed to some sort of friendly hangout? Was she the side chick this time?

The pit in her stomach grew, she zoned out, not realizing she’d turned pale as a ghost. “Becca? You okay?” You asked, clearly concerned, placing a hand on her thigh. She pulled away.

No, she knew what this felt like. If this was intentional or not. She would not be the side chick. She couldn’t do that to someone. But that was you surely it wouldn’t be that much of a-

“No, Rebecca, get your head out of your arse.” The woman thought, as she got up from the couch. You looked up at her confused and concerned.

“I…uh…I have to get home, I’m not feeling too well. I’ll see you around, y/n” Rebecca said, quickly grabbing her heels and purse, not listening to the sound of your heavenly voice calling out her name.

She shut your front door, her heart rate increasing and not in a good way. She drove off, fighting to keep her mind focused on the road.

~~~

That was a two weeks and a half ago now, she trashed her plan. Burned it actually.

She’d been ignoring you for days, it had almost been a full week now. The friendly in Amsterdam didn’t go so well. You had texted her after the match and told her it was alright and that you’d win the next one.

She read it, her stomach wanting to flip inside out. The woman felt bad for leaving you hanging, especially since she knew you meant no harm at all. But, it still hurt.

She just wanted to be loved like she saw those stupidly happy couples on T.V. Or you know any other stupid media platform.

She would be happy with anyone, it was just a bummer it wouldn’t be you. Rebecca thought it was selfish to think like that. To hate someone she hasn’t even met because they have your love and not her. It was selfish yet she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Every time she’d look on her phone a picture of you, sitting on her lap as you bit into the biscuits you made with a smile. Rebecca stuck out her tongue, arms resting around your waist. Nothing about the two of you was friendly, nothing about the two of you was casual.

She often thought about that time the two of you went on a walk, both giggling and smiling as they talked about who knows what. An Elderly woman walks past, her dog walking happily in front of her panting, you could recognize that cute face anywhere. It was one of your patients Rio and his owner Miss Shirley.

~~~~~

“Ah! Well, isn’t it Doctor Y/l/n!” Miss Shirley smiled, waving at the two. Rebecca gave a polite smile and wave back, you gave the woman a hug. “Miss Shirley! Back from your trip to Poland, I see. How’s your son?” You asked, looking at her with curiosity. You always liked being friendly with your patients owners.

It made the job easier not only for the animals but everyone. Feeling a warm hand reach for yours, fingers intertwining, you didn’t break focus. But Rebecca’s action didn’t go unnoticed by Miss Shirley.

“It was amazing, my granddaughter turned 15, how amazing isn’t it?” She smiled, you nodded tell her to send your love and congratulations. The woman of course nodded, turning to Rebecca you brought her a title closer, “Miss Shirley this is-”

“Rebecca Welton, I’m no stranger to football, my dear. It is an honor to meet you!” Rebecca just held out a hand, shaking the woman’s firmly. “Likewise!”

Miss Shirley leaned back toward you and gave a wink, “I’m also no stranger to romance, now, we’ll talk more at Rio’s next appointment, love. For now, have a very nice evening with your girlfriend. Bye, lovelies!” She waved, you waved back. Rebecca thought you would correct her but, you didn’t. It was surprising but no one was complaining.

A blush appeared on both of your face as Miss Shirley walked off, Rio walking and sniffing in front of her. You turned back to Rebecca, squeezing her hand, “She’s already far gone, what’s the point in correcting her, right?”

~~~~~

She didn’t think that was casual at all, the way you kissed her cheek right after, continuing the walk. Maybe she was the side chick after all.

Though it hurt, she pulled up your contact, and blocking it. She closed the app as fast as she could to try and suppress the clenching of her heart. She stared at her Home Screen for a minute before changing that too. It was a picture of you and her at an amusement park you were holding a teddy bear that Rebecca had won for you in your hands. Rebecca smiled as you kissed her cheek happily arm wrapped around her neck.

It’d be better this way, so she didn’t have to look at you every time she’d change apps. She checked the time on her Lock Screen before realizing it was a picture of you too.

All of them were you and her.

In one you were dozed off, head on her chest as she kissed your hair. The second, one was a little more blurry picture of Rebecca twirling you in her office. She remembers the faint music playing in background.

The third was a picture of you and Shelley, you laughed as the dog excitedly licked at your face. The fourth one was a bit more silly, you had Rebecca’s lipstick on your lips, the makeup product in your hand as you rest your head on the woman’s shoulder puckering up your lips. Rebecca had on a grumpy face, she raised a brow at you while giving a side eye. Her face was littered with pink-red kiss marks.

The fifth and final picture, was one of the two of you in Rebecca’s kitchen wearing matching pj bottoms and black tank tops. The photo was taken by Keeley who was enjoying being the photographer a little too much.

You were in the middle of stirring cookie batter, when Rebecca came up behind you with flour on her hands. What was supposed to be a hug from behind turned into flour hand imprints on your chest. She held her hands up with a smile as you laughed.

Biting her tongue, she replaced all of the photos.

Keeley strutted into the club owner’s office with a big smile, “Rebecca! You didn’t tell me you didn’t invite your girlfriend to the match! Good thing I invited her for you!”

Rebecca’s heart dropped, she did what?

“No you did not! Keeley…me and y/n are together and…I don’t think we ever will”

Keeley tilted her head to the side, wondering if Rebecca was being dramatic again OR there was some thing really wrong this time.

The wealthy blonde had panicked when you had quickly sent her a ‘mk’ instead of your usual ‘Okay!’ She thought you’d lost interest or something. Keeley had spent an hour trying to calm down a sobbing Rebecca.

It wasn’t until you called her with that cheerful voice she loved to hear from you. Asking her how her day was and that you hoped she did have a good day. It was then that Rebecca found out that you had a really busy day and was rushing to surgery for one of your older patients.

Rebecca felt a little better that you weren’t mad at her, also a little ashamed she’d reacted so quickly and boldly. She’s never acted this way for anyone before. She woke up thinking about you and Slept dreaming about you.

“We had an argument, that’s all you can know for now.” Rebecca said softly, looking at her watch, she cursed under her breath. “Oh shit, I have to go…I’ll tell you the rest at the game tomorrow Keeley!” The woman said racing out of her office. Leaving a confused, but plotting Keeley.

She had a good idea of what was happening and was definitely not going to telling the coaches…maybe a few more. Who knows!

With a fast sprint, Keeley tripped over herself as she ran down the stairs, speeding into the lockeroom like a rabid beast. The boys looked at her and complete and utter confusion.

Slamming the office door shut, Keeley looked at the coaches, Trent, and Higgins. Oh good, they were all in the same place. Everyone looked at Keeley with questioning and concerned looks. “I have a big fat dilemma, it’s about Rebecca and Y/n!”

The men quickly assembled the Diamond Dogs and howled, kt he short blonde still didn’t get how the Diamond Dogs came to be but it was a thing and not stopping anytime soon.

“Whatcha got Keeley!” Ted smiled, leaning on his knees, head balanced in his palms.

The blonde took it as she sign to rant, so she did.

“So, basically, we all know how Rebecca and Y/n have a thing right?”

They all nodded along, all of them thought you were very sweet. Turns out some of them already knew you from your clinic. Trent most of all, his cat was just as fabulous, but also high maintenance as him.

Rebecca ended up being right, both you and Ted bonded whenever the both of you met. Talking about how much the two of you hated tea, and various other American things. Rebecca would never fully get the two of you. Beard she could handle, it was you and Ted that she worried about.

If the woman didn’t know better she would’ve mistaken you two for twins.

Keeley continued on telling them her theory and all of them began to devise a plan, “Okay, look, I say if she doesn’t want to talk to her maybe…we could force her too.” Higgins suggested, leaning against the wall. “I say we use the element of surprise” Roy said with his rough voice, everyone agreed, Ted looked at Trent batting his lashes at him. The writer took off his glasses put on his thinking face, with a sigh he made a hypothetical scenario.

“Perhaps, we should invite her to the next game. After all, Keeley said that Rebecca news never brave enough to ask her. So, Keeley I think you should invite Y/n and make her sit next to Rebecca. Therefore they’re forced to sit in each other’s presence.

Knowing Rebecca that woman will crack sooner or later, if she doesn’t crack at the game then she will after.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing, everyone agreed to it with a chorus of ‘I agree’ and ‘that’s smart!’

Keeley smiled, as they revised Trent’s plan a bit and perfected it.

“Wait, wait, wait! We can’t have a mission without a name!” Ted exclaimed, smiling like a kid. “What about…Mission DocBoss! Get it cause Y/n’s a veterinarian and Boss for boss!” He smiled, Keeley laughed agreeing to it. “Well, if we have a mission name we need codes names for them.”

“Easy. Dog is Rebecca and Squirrel for Y/n” Higgins nonchalantly showed a video of a dog and squirrel playing chase. Everyone laughed, settling for the code names.

——

The game was only one hour away now, Keeley was seriously panicking about the mission and if it’d even work or not. She was pacing the halls, she’d told Rebecca she was inviting a friend but the woman didn’t know it was you.

Many people were in the stadium and she was wondering where you were, the boys were warming up and Keeley could feel the axe body spray changing her brain cells.

Her phone buzzed, a text from you appearing.

Y/N!! 💗: Hey! I’m right outside

She raced out of the doors seeing you hug a woman tightly before waving bye to her. The woman retreated to the car and drove off. Keeley raised a brow as you approached her with a smile, “I’m sorry I’m late, traffic sucks.”

The small woman just smiled, “That’s fine! But…who was that?”

“Oh, my girl friend Tricia”

Keeley’s eyes bulged, “Girlfriend? Excuse me?” You’re eyes widened too, you didn’t mean it that way. “That was Tricia, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my girl friend.” You s explained, adding emphasis on friend. You always called your friends girlfriends maybe you would lay off on that now. It seems people would keep getting the wrong Idea.

“Oh! Okay, you had me worried that you didn’t tell me!”

You sighed, walking with her inside, “You know Rebecca’s the one I want. I’m a bit upset and confused…she blocked me yesterday. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. You promise that she isn’t going to be here, right?”

Rebecca blocked you? That wasn’t something Keeley knew, she felt bad that she was setting you up like this. “Yeah, about that…”

~~~

You stood uncomfortably by the Owner’s box entrance. You looked down to see Rebecca’s soft blonde hair. A breeze came in through the door, you shivered. It was much colder than what the forecast said it would be.

Waiting for Keeley to come back from the bathroom, you admired the woman you loved from a few feet away. You didn’t understand stand what you could’ve done to make her mad enough to the point she’d block you. After all the two of you had done together you thought the two of you were as thick as thieves but you clearly thought wrong.

Maybe you should have listen to Gracie, one of your co-workers that told you to be careful. Rebecca Welton a woman that was easily impressed, she had specifically told you to not be too hurt hurt if she finds a new toy to play with. You didn’t believe her, thinking Rebecca was the love of your life. It was embarrassing that she might not think the same of you.

Gracie held you as you cried in your office from the stress and emotional turmoil of it all. You knew that your friend meant well, you just didn’t know she’d be spot on. Tricia rubbed your back as she wiped your tears away.

“Alright, I’m done! Let’s go!” Keeley exclaimed, you smiled opening the door for her. “Ladies first!”

She smirked, stepping down the stairs, “My, my, what a gentlewoman!” You let out a laugh as the short blonde quirked her brows.

Rebecca, who sat in her seat calmly, tensed as she heard the laugh. She’d recognize that laugh anywhere. There was no way. The woman didn’t turn around just facing forward as she saw Keeley and you cross her vision. The woman sat next to Higgins, the two immediately going into a conversation. Leaving y/n to sit next to Rebecca, you stood frozen for a moment.

The woman folded down the seat for you, still not looking at you. You smiled slightly, that was swee-

“Are you gonna sit or stand there with your mouth open?” She said a little too harshly, the words came out of Rebecca’s mouth the exact opposite of how she wanted it to sound. She wanted nothing more than to kiss you and tell you she wouldn’t care if you were married or not. She wanted you and by your actions she could tell you wanted her too.

But no, that was wrong. She kept thinking about your girlfriend, how hurt she’d be. The club owner knew what it was like to be the other woman. Rebecca couldn’t willingly put someone else through that pain.

Her heart clenched as she saw your little smile fade.

The whole game was filled with loud roars as Richmond clearly had the upper hand. Yet, Rebecca and you seemed less interested in the game. The both of you still stood for points and clapped, but the cheering was definitely weak.

At halftime, everyone sort of died down a bit, yet the smell of popcorn and the sound of loud chatter filled your ears as you shivered. Looking over at Rebecca, the woman took out her phone, you took a look at her Lock Screen.

It wasn’t you and her anymore…

She twisted the knife when the Home Screen picture was changed too. You tore your eyes away before you saw anything else you couldn’t handle. Your wrapped your arms around yourself and shivered. It was only getting colder and you cursed yourself for not bringing a better jacket.

Keeley turned to you opening her mouth to speak but was taken aback by Rebecca taking her coat and scarf off, placing them on your lap. The younger blonde backed away and zipped her mouth as you turned to Rebecca, slapping Higgins in the arm to gesture with her head for him to listen in.

Your cheeks and nose were red from the cold, lips cracked slightly. A new heat rose to your face, you know you should be mad, really mad at her. Yet, you couldn’t find it in yourself too.

“Thank you…” You said softly, putting the jacket and scarf on. Enjoying how her perfume still made your stomach flutter. Truly, you couldn’t care less for the perfume, it was Rebecca was the one that wore it. You were sure a lot of people wore the scent yet, none of them were special like Rebecca. You wouldn’t think of them when you smelled it, you would think of Rebecca. Everyone else was just irrelevant to you.

Rebecca. Rebecca. Rebecca.

She was on your mind 24/7, no one else. No one had the effect to affect your mood as quickly as she did. Mom one could make you laugh like she did, no one made you cry like she did when she stopped talking to you. It was weird how single good morning from her made your day better.

“I’m sorry” she blurted, clearing her throat as she fixed her sweater. Only you noticed the way her shoulders tensed and the way she inched a little closer to you. “It was wrong of me to speak to you so harshly, forgive me?”

With a smile you nodded, subconsciously bringing your sleeves down to cover your hands. “Always”

Rebecca could’ve laughed, there were something’s that she’d done that were definitely unforgivable. Yet, she still took your word for it.

“Are you…uh…are you still cold?” The blonde asked, even when a little conflicted she’d always fuss over you. Making sure you were comfortable. “A little..”

The woman sighed, bringing up the arm rest separating you two. She gestured for you to come closer and you did. After weeks of not talking, if felt nice to feel her arm wrap around your waist, her free hand held one of yours. The mood change was enough to give anyone whiplash but, Rebecca Welton wasn’t too good at keeping herself from something she wants. Or I’m this case someone. Maybe she could wait for you. Even if it meant having to do so in other lives.

“Better?” She asked softly, looking down at you head that rested on her shoulder. You nodded, humming as you kissed her cheek. ——

Rebecca had to leave a little early for something, she said it was something for the press, she waved goodbye to you with a smile. One you hadn’t seen in a while. You were sure that it was one of the most beautiful smiles you’ve ever seen.

Walking with Keeley out of the stadium, you phone buzzed. You paused to read it.

My Becca 💗😚: Could you meet me in my office? If you haven’t already left

My N/n 🫶😉: Of course! Just give me a second and I’ll be right up

Quickly, you told Keeley that Rebecca was tell you to come to her office and that you’d meet her for brunch tomorrow. The blonde let out a low whistle, shooting a wink your way.

With a roll of your eyes, you headed back inside walking quickly to Rebecca’s office. The door was wide open, you saw Rebecca pacing while mumbling to herself.

“Becca? You needed me?”

The woman jumped, turning back, she smiled awkwardly, “Y/n! Uh, close the door, come here. Make yourself welcome” She gestured to the couch and waited for you to sit on the couch with her and get comfy. “I…I should told you why I stopped texting and seeing you sooner…I’m really sorry but, I have an explanation okay? Just…hear me out, please” The woman pleaded, holding you hand tightly.

You nodded with a little smile, “We have all night, honey.”

Rebecca took a deep breath, “When we first met each other, you just blew my mind. I kept asking my self how could some be so perfect. I just needed to know you so I started doing all of this and I sort of got what I wanted. I wanted you, Y/n. It sounds cliche but I quite literally have since I laid my eyes on you. The more we hung out, the more I convinced myself that you liked me too.” Tears began to form in her eyes, she quickly wiped them away as she kept talking.

“Then I asked you out to dinner then you hit me with the girlfriend card and I sort of just shut down. I had these thoughts that she wasn’t good enough for you, whoever she is. Then I realized it isn’t my position to think that. So, I left you hanging. That was the best way of being able to not hurt you or your girlfriend.” She let out a small cry and you held her oh and tighter, you knew where this was going. You really should’ve cleared this up sooner.

“I never wanted this to hurt you or anyone for that matter, I hope you know that I don’t like you anymore because I love you. I will wait as long as it takes for you.”

She finally finished and you let out a little chuckled, covering your mouth you immediately started explaining your side too. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, honey. It’s just…I never had a girlfriend. I do have girl friends if you catch my drift and for the record, you don’t have to wait, I love you too.” You smiled wiping away a tear from Rebecca’s eyes as the woman realized and everything fell into place. “It did hurt when you ghosted me like that but, I get it. Just please warn me next time, I almost went into cardiac arrest. I’m sorry I made you feel like a side chick, baby.”

Rebecca sniffled, pulling you into her arms, stroking your hair gently, pressing kisses to your hair. “Only if you forgive me, Love”

“Always”

The club owner just smiled, “Then…will you be my girlfriend?” You shot up with a big smile cackling as you wrapped your arms around her neck and squealed. “Yes, of course I will!”

The two of you hugged for a little longer walking to the parking lot, you’d insisted that you could take a cab home. Rebecca, was quick to object, practically dragging you to the passenger door of her very expensive car.

”y’know, we could talk a little more at mine. You still have some clothes there” Rebecca said, finding any excuse to make you sleepover. “You just want me to make biscuits again don’t you?” You said, raising a brow. Rebecca laughed putting a hand in your thigh, “Yes, and because I love you too!”

“Okay fine…I wouldn’t be surprised if I moved in already” You joked, already knowing Rebecca was going to ask you out up a finger to her lips. “Eyes on the road, we’ll talk about it some other day, baby”

Rebecca groaned like a child, “Fine, but you said it!”

~~~~~

The next morning you turned around in Rebecca’s arms, picking up your phone you realized Keeley was calling you. You’d be late for brunch if you didn’t hurry. Picking up the phone you made sure to cover your bare body and Rebecca though she wasn’t too much in view just her head snuggled into your neck.

“Hey, babes!” Your bestfriend exclaimed loudly, your phone was on full blast and Rebecca groaned, holding you tighter as a piece of hair fell. You lowered the volume before responding, “Hi Keels, I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay? I’m sort of stuck right now”

Keeley looked closer at her home and let out a scream, she was undoubtedly running around and flailing her arms, Rebecca let out another whine grumbling something as she kissed your jaw. You hummed, reaching back to scratch her head and giving her a forehead kiss.

“Shh, it’s okay go back to sleep, Baby” you cooed, Keeley returned to her one on and just melted at the two of you. “Okay, did Rebecca knock you up? Because, I see no piece of clothing”

You blushed a bit and nodded, Keeley’s jaw dropped. “My besties have GAME.”

Waving her off you told her to give you Grace if you were late, “Yeah, that’s gonna cost you, I need a full detailed description of last night.”

“Fine, okay bye, love you!” You quickly blurted, not wanting her to add more conditions. Easing out of bed, you were only pulled back by strong arms.

“Becca…c’mon, I’m gonna be late!” You groaned trying again but to no avail. She peppered your neck and shoulder with kisses. She already knew you had five too many hickeys on you so, she went easy. “But you could stay…” she huffed, finally resting her head on your shoulder.

“How about this, you let me go and I sleepover one more night and I’ll be off so you have me all day. How’s that?” You smiled turning back to her and kissing her nose. She thought about it, finally letting you go with a playful sigh.

“Fine,” she replied, watching as you got ready using a sundress from Rebecca’s closet and using a ribbon you found to tie your hair into a half up half down. You refueled the ends and did some light makeup from your makeup bag that you left.

Stealing a pair of Rebecca’s white heels you smiled at yourself in the mirror. “These are nice heels, Becca” you smiled, leaning down to kiss Rebecca sweetly. “Oh, those are Christian Loboutin’s cost me like 800 or something. I don’t really remember…” The club owner yawned, she sighed before pulling you in for one more kiss.

You swallowed, she paid how much for heels? “I’ll take good care of them”

“Don’t worry I have the exact same pair in my storage closet.” Rebecca winked, your jaw dropped as she ushered you out. You’d be late if you didn’t go now.

“Okay, bye baby! I love you!” “Bye, my darling, I love you most!” Rebecca said with a big smile. Waving at you as you got into a cab.

She smiled, project Get That Girl was a success after all.

Of course, Keeley would be telling this story to your children. After all, she was the one that got the two of you to meet.

She would just have to wait. And wait, she did.

——————

Hey guys this took me literal ages. Hope you enjoyed, I definitely think this is a little cringe but it’s been a while!

[amphitriteswife]

Hey! Can you please write what would you do if i like someone else for gun, jake, johan and eli? Thank you ❤️

‘What would you do if i like someone else?’

Jonggun rolled his eyes at you when you asked him that question, his lips wrapped around the cigarette in his mouth, held up by his index and middle finger. He took a long drag and closed his eyes before he let the smoke leave his mouth slowly, savoring the taste and tapping the ash off the cigarette. ‘You ask stupid questions.’ Jonggun said wiping the ash off his lips. He took a seat on the coach and invited you to sit next to him, it was weird. Most of the time he just said and did what was necessary. Perhaps he felt rather nostalgic today? It was rare to see him vulnerable or sentimental. So what was he getting at? ‘Answerrrrrr’ you told him impatiently but still sitting next to him. You wanted to have him answer your questions, they’re fun and interesting. He needs to be quick! ‘I frankly don’t think you will.’ ‘Will what?’ ‘Like someone else. Not ever.’ ‘Why’s that? What if i find a new babe?’ ‘Impossible.’ ‘Whyy?’ Jonggun sighed and pushed your head so that it was laying on his shoulder. He pushed the pushed the almost done cigarette onto the ashtray and placed a kiss on your lips, he tasted very ashy like which made you cough. ‘IEUW’ you pushed him off you and hair for fresh air which made him chuckle at you lightly. ‘You told me I’m the only man you’ll ever love. And i trust your word for it.’ The answer made you stop in your tracks which made him give you another kiss instead and tiring back to lifting another cigarette.

‘Well feelings are humane so…’ Jake said quietly, still contemplating your question. Perhaps you being sarcastic and asking a lot of questions was too much to handle for him? The question was supposed to be a joke and not that serious at all. ‘What would you do jakey?’ Jake pondered very hard, harder than he had when he was taking his exams last week, he needed a clear head to think. He thought long and hard before he answered. ‘Hmmm i would accept.’ He stated proudly. His eyes helt a certain type of twinkle in them. ‘Wrong! You’re supposed to say that i’m yours!’ ‘You are mine! And i am yours!’ ‘Then why are you accepting it if i liked someone else?’ ‘Because i love you.’ You gave him a confused look. Yeah he did love you, but that doesn’t explain what he’s saying?? Jake noticed your confused expression and smiled. ‘I love you, so even if you loved someone else. At the end of the day I want you to be happy.’ You looked at him and he looked back at you, his hands wrapping you in a tight hug with a wide grin on his face. Perhaps your joke was taken a little too serious…he was so sweet and selfless about it. It was a stereotypical Jake action, always thinking of others first. But what about Jakey himself? He was thinking of you first but what about his own heart, it almost made you emotional thinking about it. ‘If i ever leave you, hit me on the head.’ ‘What?’

Johan was sitting outside by the lake. His dogs were busy woofing around and playing with each other. He felt tired, very tired. He couldn’t help but wonder if an adult’s life was also so tiresome, working for the White Tiger center did come with a lot of work and costs…Johan let out a sigh. That’s when you popped up, his lovely partner. He was so relieved to see you. For some reason he couldn’t help but hug you tightly, his mood instantly relaxing. He kissed your cheek and watched you sit next to him on the park bench, talking to him about numerus things before you finally asked the question. Johan just stared at you for a few seconds, you could see the him processing your words and the way his eyes narrowed at you. He clearly disliked the question you asked him. Johan isn’t someone who likes it when someone takes it something from him…or when he loses someone again…so for him this wasn’t just a question but a hypothetical situation that could be true. ‘You wouldn’t…..you wouldn’t, would you?’ ‘It’s a joke.’ ‘Right.’ It came out more sarcastic than it was meant to be and the both of you knew it. You made Johan angry….the way his jaw was clenched and the veins in his neck now visible didn’t go unnoticed but you. But because for amusement you pretended to now know and ask further. ‘What would you do dawg?’ You knew Yohan didn’t like it when you called him that, yet you did it anyway. Are you making him angry on purpose? ‘I would steal his shoes so that i could sell them.’ ‘Are you poor?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh- uhm. I can lend you money?’ ‘Gladly.’ Normally you wouldn’t have doe that so quickly, but this time he was mad at you so you gave him your spare change. Which for some reason made him super happy and go back to normal again. What a cheapskate

Eli gave you a deadpanned look when you asked him the question. Yenna, who was in his arms was puling on his hair and trying to climb on top of his head. He didn’t know how to feel. Should he be angry or hurt? Maybe even insecure? What the hell was this question even supposed to mean? ‘What are you getting at Y/N?’ Eli asked you quite suspiciously, he doesn’t like this, not the question nor where you might go with this. ‘I want to know what you’ll do.’ You asked him casually, waiting for a response. He doesn’t know what to think. His hands grabbed Yenna gently and lifted her off his head and placed her on his lap instead. He was feeling conflicted, one on hand he didn’t want you to leave. He wanted to protect you and keep you with him. On the other hand he felt that it was selfish of him to make you stay if you didn’t want to. He pressed his lips in a thin line, Yenna was trying to get out of his lap and gonto you instead. Yenna really has gotten attached to you in the times you spent here, sometimes she denied playing with him to play with you instead…he really doesn’t want you to leave. His hands softly scooted Yenna back to him which caused her to whine and crawl right from under his arm to you. ‘I don’t want you to leave…is that selfish?’ Eli asked you a little softer, watching Yenna crawl over to you and sit in your lap instead. You couldn’t help but feel bad. You didn’t make him insecure right? He sounded so sad. ‘I wouldn’t leave. It’s just a hypothetical question.’ ‘So no leaving me or yenna?’ ‘If i leave i’d take yenna with me.’ ‘Don’t steal my daughter. I don’t appreciate it.’ ‘Whoa sorry calm down-’

——————————————————————————-

Thank you for the ask! 💕⭐️🙏

[brucewaynehater101]

Apologies if I'm remembering wrong but I recall you posting/reblogging a post of Tim being afraid for Damian after he became Robin, thinking Red Hood would redirect his ire to him

Let's expand on that, Damian finding out about all the horrible shit Tim went through and put himself through and beginning to dread being Robin more and more but not wanting to take it back because he doesn't want to add onto Tim's pain

((and also because giving up robin would make him look week, but that's just an excuse))

So Damian is wrecked with anxiety because when is the hammer gonna drop and he'll receive what Tim did?

And if Tim's inheritance is going to be his, that means inheriting all the labor he is endures when running Wayne Enterprises, and etc

And Damian—wrong as he is—thinking himself selfish for hoping Tim stays in the family just so the day he inherits his duties comes later

Damian bonding with Tim over pain the latter experienced and the former is certain he will as well

((and also imagine what will go through Damian's head if he were to find out Tim doesn't even consider himself an actual Wayne member and just a Placeholder to keep the family from crumbling to pieces like that other post, a Placeholder until Jason and Damian came))

((and suddenly his assassination attempts seem like all for nothing and even self-sabotage, woof))

Hello! It seems that there are two of my posts you're referring to here (which is super super cool). This is going to be a long post cause it inspired me to really look at their dynamic and explore it.

One post talks about how Tim became Red Robin and didn't choose another mantle. There's a few reasons for this (like not being able to step down from his role of helping Bruce), but the reason you're referring to is another theory of mine. Tim may be Red Robin to share the burden and pain being Robin entails. He doesn't want Damian to face it alone. By being Red Robin, he can shoulder some of the ire from Batman.

The other post has Tim, who signed himself up to being Jason's placeholder both in an out of the mask, seeing himself as worthless and temporary. Both of his roles, being Jason and being Robin, got filled by Jason and Damian later.

Now that we've got the background, I absolutely love your take on this. I will add a few fics that expand on this view, but I do want to talk about it more first.

Unfortunately, Damian is used to a lot of abuse before coming to live with the Waynes (I love good mom Talia, but training to be an assassin is still abuse. She could have good reasons, but it still hurt Damian). He probably felt that he needed to earn his place and fulfill his familial role as Robin. Even as he matures and heals a bit, he may be reluctant to let Robin go. That type of training and enforced dedication to family is not simple to let go (even from a purely emotional abuse standpoint without any of the physical abuse he likely endured [This can be another thing he shares with Tim and his reluctantance to let Red Robin go]).

Kids, like Damian, will see others in similar situations and try to avoid their fate.

What is more likely? Tim is just special in being a target of isolation and abuse, or that Damian could one day be treated the same?

There's a ton of interesting theories about roles within abusive families (my family was emotionally abusive fyi). The sad part is that some of the kids will follow the example of their parents and abuse their siblings. This is both because parents model behavior and as a survival technique to not become the scapegoat like that one sibling. Damian may have joined in on being verbally abusive for both of these reasons (as well as being an extremely traumatized kid lashing out).

As he grows older and gains perspective (as well as distance from his LoA days), he may reflect on his behavior and the treatment of Tim. Tim is also the closest in age to Damian. He might be around physically more than the other siblings (besides Duke). Perhaps Duke even points out the differential treatment. There's a lot of ways that the metaphorical ball could get rolling.

This could be where Damian starts to regret his actions toward Tim. It may start from a selfish place (which, survival is not selfish and being selfish isn't always bad) of Damian realizing the assassination attempts are self-sabotage (and I love this idea and reflection on Damian). This would then morph into a genuine relationship and reliance on Tim.

I imagine, with these circumstances, that Tim becomes an anchor and safe point for Damian. All of the siblings have varying effects on the others, but this would be separate from that. While Dick is Damian's harbor, Tim would be closer to a lighthouse protecting Damian from the rocky shoreline. Dick is a place to rest and heal. Tim is a warning and guide (feel free to reblog with how the other batkids would be with Damian or each other).

Continually, Damian wanting Tim to stick around the family for his own safety hurts like hell. This casts the older sibling guilt (of leaving your siblings behind in that damn house) in a younger sibling's shame. Depending on the age, the younger sibling might be angry the older left or ashamed they want to ask in the first place. As a middle child, that fucking hurts (my situation is a bit more nuanced than that, but fuck. Ow).

Anyways, tons of angst to explore there on both of their parts.

I sincerely hope that Damian gets a life outside of WE. I hope he at least has time to explore himself (and maybe get a different career) before ever taking up WE. Depending on Tim's role in WE, this may fuck him over. I would be down to read some fics that explore Tim struggling under WE (cause he was meant for the research labs and not meeting rooms) and his refusal to step down due to the pressure that would put on Damian's shoulders (I know Tim isn't actually CEO in canon, but it's good to explore how the expectation of taking up the family business affects sibling dynamics).

Fic rec time! All are on AO3

"Exit Strategy" by smilebackwards (Tim's plan to leave the Waynes creates the ability for Damian and Tim to bond [not that Damian knows this is the plan]. Hurt ensues).

"Taming a Baby Assassin" by nighttmr (Tim, after being notified that he's getting a younger sibling with Damian, decides he'll be a big brother regardless of the effort required).

"Some Common Ground" by Do_wa_diddy (Both Damian and Tim are used to cruel standards of training. The others do not understand this and try to limit how they train. This causes Tim and Damian to bond).

"Just Like the Movies" by faithms (Damian finds a flash drive of all the times Bruce has been horrible to Tim).

"The Study of Birds" by MaskoftheRay (Tim and Damian find a common interest in bird watching. It shows them slowly becoming closer despite the obstacles).

Last one:

"You'll Change Your Name or Change Your Mind (previous title: Tim Drake Learns to Set Boundaries)" series by samsamiam.

I wholeheartedly recommend this series. Basically, Tim sets boundaries for himself while offering Damian sanctuary (should the kid need). It becomes Tim protecting Damian even from Bruce. Very very very good.

[akxmee]

★ 00. 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗢𝗚𝗨𝗘.

"...and we are not certain of how long that would take. Please, hide at home and by under any means, do not open your doors to any animal. Thank you for your attention!"

You turned the television off from the sofá you were sitting on. It has been chaos these days, and you were so sure it was a matter of time until the government confined the whole city until they find them.

Them, the hybrids.

Humans with the hability of turning themselves into different kinds of animals.

Humans, if that's even a valid term to refer to them. Dangerous humans that think as animals and don't feel any remorse.

The lack of information the government was giving everyone about them was close to none, and it was making you mad.

God, you were so tired of this.

"Woof!"

The bark interrumped your thoughts. You looked to your left and before even knowing it, you were being assaulted by a huge and ridiculously fluffy dog.

Ah, satoru.

He was your adorable samoyedo, a beautiful and friendly canine breed that was licking your entire face the moment he laid his paws on you.

"Ew 'toru, gross. Get off!"

You tried your best to get your pet off you, reaching your goal after a few struggles. With the end of your sleeve you wiped your face as well as you wrote a mental note of cleaning your face before going to sleep.

Satoru kept wagging his tail, waiting for his rubs that he got not too long after. You pet him for a while until a yawn comes out of your mouth, looking at the hour.

2am.

Damn, that extra shift at work was long.

So yes, maybe going to sleep was the best option at this very moment. You got up and walked through the rooms, stopping at the bathroom to clean the sticky mess satoru made mostly on your cheek. Once your face was clean enough not to feel gross anymore you grabbed the nearest towel and dried your face with it, staring into your reflection's eyes in the mirror.

You had bags under your eyes, messy hair and your skin looked paler than usual; it was painfully obvious that you haven't had a wink of sleep lately.

There were so many reasons why.

For example, the fact that you were getting fewer and fewer clients with the pass of the time since the news of hybrids walking among humans were simply thrown to the audience's face. Some people were scared to go out and you were losing money, not a lot, but still money. Extra hours at the café were spent working just to get a few more clients, and you don't even know how to manage your time right now to get a proper bit of sleep.

But honestly? You could go with It just for your pets' sake.

Because they were the reason why you had your own business right now, and the only ones who listened to you rant about your shitty day at work at the end of the day.

So you shaked your thoughts away and went for satoru, patting the side of your leg as a silent order for him to follow you.

"C'mon, toru. Let's go to sleep, i'm sure suguru is there too."

The dog ran to your side in no time and you two went to your room. It was cozy, simple with a lot of photos pinned on a huge cardboard on the wall.

Some were of you, some of your friends and family. Your gaze landed on a specific photo, one of satoru and suguru dressed in some type of cheap pets costume you bought for a few dollars online. They looked adorable, satoru's fluffy hair looking so messy in the picture and suguru making a funny face that you got just in time. You were so sure they hated that picture, but you loved it.

As you looked over the bed you found out your assumption was right, since the black cat was already drowning in the softness of a pillow on your bed and sleeping. Much to suguru's dismay, satoru jumped on the bed to greet him and woke the poor cat up. They started to fight in a playful way, suguru's tiny paws hitting satoru's nose repeatedly.

You laughed at the scene, finding it kind of silly.

Soon after, you were already in bed with a dog sleeping soundly at your feet and a cat on the canine's tail, using it as some kind of pillow.

The sudden sound of scratching woke you up.

It came from your window, and you ignored it until it was unbearable. You angrily got up and rubbed your eyes while trying to find the light switch in the dark.

The sudden clarity hurt your eyes for a little until you got used to it, looking where the sound came. You thought that it was probably a bird or a branch being dragged by the wind and constantly bumping into your window, but it was not.

Something was there.

Something big.

Why didn't satoru bark? You looked around just to find not only he was gone, but suguru was nowhere to be seen too. It wasn't something new, sometimes it was too hot at bed and the pets went to the cold floor at some random room so you didn't really mind that. But still—

"Woof."

Was the sound coming from behind the window just now? You thought about it and got closer to it. The closer you got, the more you could picture the silhouette of a dog.

Okay, that had more sense.

"Toji?"

You said as soon as you opened the window. It was Toji, the stray dog you fed when he passed by.

He didn't have any owner, no home to go.

But he was fine, he didn't want any.

The times you opened your door for him to get in, he wouldn't. He liked you just because you gave him food, that's all. Sometimes he came with a few stains of blood on his dark fur but he wouldn't let you take care of him.

"You should choose better hours to ask for food, really. I don't think i have something left in the fridge, but let me give it a look."

The dog just barked again and sat down while you were gone looking for something good enough for him to eat.

That's what happened a few minutes ago now. You fed Toji and just like he always does, he left. Now you were going to your kitchen holding the dirty plate you used to feed the stray dog, careful not to wake your pets. You didn't know where they went, but your house isn't that big either so you can hear any loud sound even if you're in the furthest room.

"We need to tell her, Satoru. She will eventually find out, and you know that."

"Suguru, don't mess with me right now. You know what they say about us on TV! She will think we're liars and.."

The voices stopped talking as if they both knew what he was going to say next.

You froze.

You could feel your heart sink and your breath stop. Never in your life has someone broken into your home, and you only had a dirty plate that you were holding with a tight grip.

What was going to happen? Also, were your pets okay? Did they hide? Your mind raced with thoughts and doubts, not only worried by your safety but satoru's and suguru's too.

Wait.

Was it your pets' name you just heard them mention while talking to eachother?

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. 🌷

—𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

@kingshitonly @snake-lover-artist-blog @ashers-playpen