#WHY IS MY WIFI EXTENDER NOT WORKING

[setuprepeaternet]

A WiFi range extender would be useless if these problems occurred. Your router’s signal strength will not be increased if the D-Link extender not working. Also, in such a scenario, you would not have access to high-speed internet in all areas of your home or office.

[wellijustfinnihedoneofthebooks]

Warning to anyone following me, i just started reading the first sleeping beauty book so there may be much uncritical anne rice posting to come

[ajortga]

comfort person

pairing: sam carpenter x female reader

summary: sammy spends time with you after a long day, giving you all the love money can't buy.

word count: 1.7k+

a/n: first sam fic, just had this idea and plan on writing more of her later on. more jenna fics will be out soon:). thank you for 600 followers<3

-

Sam is greeted with the sight of your figure waddling to her after school, her hands making way to her helmet that protects her head. As she takes it off and feels the cool breeze flow through her hair, she her heart strings tug when your smile widens and you walk faster to her.

“Hi, baby,” she says, kissing your forehead gently while playing with your hair. Her arms wrap around you as soon as she places her helmet against the seating of her motorcycle.

Immediately you cling onto her, burying your face into her chest because that’s the only place your head can reach. Her scent invades your senses, sweet and slightly musky from her leather jacket.

Sam peppers kisses against your hair, stroking it softly. It warms her heart (that’s meant to be tough) seeing your slightly grumpy façade melt as soon as her protective arms wrap around you. But, could you not say the same for her? Seeing the way your girlfriend’s eyes soften like ice cream on a hot summer day. Sam isn’t the closed off person that your best friends see, not your Sammy.

She’s the sweetest, making you melt into her arms whenever you have a bad day, cuddles and kisses at night, soothing tummy rubs for bad stomach aches. 

“Hi, Sammy.” You look up at her, eyes a little tired with her arms snug around your waist as she brushes a strand away from your face, studying you.

She softly smiles at you, rubbing your cheek. “Tired?” She asks, a little worried.

You nod, “Just a little. Too many tests.”

“That’s not good,” the taller girl says, voice etched with concern. “You were up studying.” She pauses for a moment, before lifting you on the motorcycle seat, behind her. “What about this? I’ll make you feel better, are you willing to go somewhere or do you want to stay home? I have a surprise.”

You murmur incoherently against her chest, a few muffled words before saying, “Mm willing to go somewhere.”

Sam kisses your forehead, “Okay, hold onto me. When we get home I’ll give you all the cuddles in the world, cook you dinner, and turn on your favorite movie. It’s Friday anyway.”

Your girlfriend turns around and places her helmet on your head, making sure that you’re safe and comfortable before taking off, a soft vroom sounding.

You drive through the buildings and city of Woodsboro, people spilling coffee, apartments into view, parties beginning to happen as you cling onto Sam’s waist.

A turn here, brake here, vroom there. Your eyes close, nuzzling into Sam’s back. It’s not long before you two come to a stop when you open your eyes. 

“Build-A-Bear?” you question, looking at your girlfriend who is grinning at you.

“You know I can’t ignore the way you keep checking on my phone if that Pochacco plush is sold out, right? My whole search history is, “Pochacco plush build a bear” or “Is Pochacco still at Build-A-Bear stores?” Don’t even get me started with, “Why is Pochacco build-a-bear stuffed animal so expensive on eBay?” So we’re going to find that stuffed animal.” Sam scrunches her nose, seeing the way you embarrassingly smile.

For some reason, Sam’s internet on her phone works better than yours, so you catch yourself desperate to see if your Build-A-Bear plush you wanted is still out of stock online.

She ties the helmet on your head against the handles of her motorcycle, extending her hand for you to hold.

You take it as you both walk into the store. “I don’t understand how your phone works faster than mine, Sammy. You barely use it!” 

Sam rolls her eyes, “Not my fault that the wifi just favorites me, mi vida. Come on, we’re gonna get you that plushie.”

Your arm clings onto hers as you place your head on her shoulder, a way for you to show your affection. It’s always sweet to Sam, seeing your clinginess whenever you’re with her. You're skipping with her, teeth shown in a toothy, happy smile.

She doesn’t understand how you do it, she’s supposed to be closed-off to everyone except for Tara. Her sister even has to tease her for it because she finds herself buying flowers for you and making a Spotify playlist for you. “It’s cute, Sam.” Tara assures her, pinching her shoulder.

Sam holds the door for you, in which you immediately cling back onto her. Cool breeze surrounded you both from the AC, the comfy atmosphere of stuffed animals and outfits. You drag her to the Sanrio section where Pochaccos were waiting for you.

Before she could even speak, you turned to her, holding an unstuffed Pochacco while wearing puppy eyes. A smile cracks onto her face as she pulls you into her chest, “Is that all you want? Shouldn’t we get him some clothes so he isn’t.. You know, unclothed?”

“Naked,” you correct, looking up when she rolls her eyes and nods. “Yes, naked. Do you have to make me say it?”

You sniff, “Yes, I do actually. Okay, help me choose the clothes, Sammy!”

As you two hold on to each other while looking at the colorful clothing, she gently circles her thumb against your palm. She reluctantly agrees when you ask her to have her speak for the voice box. You didn’t want to sleep without hearing her. But sometimes, she had to work late, and this was a cute option.

Sam goes through the clothes, pulling out a purple bikini, “What about this one?”

You stare at it, before bursting out into a laugh. “Sammy, Pochacco is a boy! He can’t wear a bikini!”

“Oh yeah? Says who, Y/N? This is a free country!” She argues while your head is buried into her chest, the scent of musk from her leather jacket filling your senses.

“Yes it’s a free country! But I was wanting Pochacco to wear something that fit his personality!”

She sighs, relenting as she puts away the bikini. “I thought our Pochacco would look very fashionable wearing a purple bikini. Oh!” She pulls out a flying ace outfit, with pilot goggles and a fluffy brown bomber jacket. “This one?”

Sam knows she made the right choice as you give her a toothy grin. A grin that makes her smile too. “Okay! Yay! That one.” You watch when she helps you carry the outfits and your bags. 

“How about we get him some overalls too? He can’t always go out wearing the same outfit, can he?”

“I guess not,” you sigh dramatically, “Overalls would be very cute.”

You two dig through the outfits before being able to find the jean overalls. “I have another idea for an outfit we should get.” 

Your girlfriend turns to you while grabbing a pair of tiny overalls, “Oh?” She tilts her head, “What would that be, mi vida?”

The tall brunette feels your hands untangle from hers before you run away, coming back 10 seconds later with your nose scrunched, holding a familiar purple bikini. Her eyes gleam, grinning at you. “Told you, fashionable.”

You roll your eyes.

~

By the time you two are about to checkout, you both are holding a lot of outfits. (Sam insisted as she got your stuffy shoes, hats, scarfs, hell, even a dress.) It made your cheeks burn as you had to look away from her to not let a smile break throughout your face when she was looking for a “I love Sam” or “I love Y/N” shirt. Unfortunately, she had to resort to a “I love you” shirt instead. 

Your forehead is peppered with kisses when you both are in line. You let the sweetness of Sam comfort you as you nuzzle her, burying your body against her.

“Talk about a cute couple,” the two girls say behind you, jealousy and admiration in their tone. 

You two get to a register as Sam pays. Next thing you know, the Pochacco is taken out of your hand to be stuffed. A soft whirring sound buzzes from the stuffing station, fuzz flying in the large container with a bear to decorate on top. You shiver from the AC that is starting to get a little too chilly.

Sam smiles down at you, her fingers threading through your hair. They begin to stuff your Pochacco, his body starting to inflate until it looks like a cute puppy. 

“All done!” The worker says, handing the puppy to you with a sweet smile. 

The cute face stares back at you as you hug him tight, a soft song playing when you squeeze him.

“I’ll get the custom voice box tonight, promise.” Sam says, draping her leather jacket over you, catching the way you begin to feel cold. 

“I love you,” you whisper, letting her kiss you softly. You hold Pochacco up for her to hold, the leather sleeves slightly oversized. You two leave the store and sit against a chair together.

He’s cute, Sam thinks, squishing him gently as you two begin to dress him. You start him with some overalls, black converse, and a heart headband. She notices how you look so happy. It makes her heart squeeze. 

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you some cinnamon rolls, okay? Then we can cuddle up and watch a movie when we get home.” Your arm links with hers as you both head back to the motorcycle, Sam making sure to stay on the side with the cars on them as you two walk.

The rest of the day, you spend time cuddling in bed with a fluffy blanket wrapped around you two. You don't let your stuffed animal go whatsoever. (Sam doesn't want to admit that you brought an extra chair to make the fluffy creature sit at dinner.)

"An extra meatball for him," You point at Pochacco as she sighs, pouring some spaghetti on a small plate.

-

Whenever Sam comes home late, she's greeted with the sight of you, hugging the plushie and squeezing the voice box like you'll die if you don't hear her.

"Hi, sweetheart. Just wanted to let you know that I love you and miss you. Hold tight, I'm always thinking about you and will give you so many cuddles when I get home, okay? I love you mi vida."

You sniff, burying your face into the plushie as you keep squeezing the arm, a different lullaby of Sam playing every time.

[authenticaussie]

Alright so I just finished Batman:TAS recently and started watching Superman:TAS and it delights me that the first episode is literally just: superman??? Who dat. This is aliens :)) (even if Brainiac does say "human error, Jor-el"). So obviously I do now have aus. Obviously <3 shout-out to @midnightluck for the Justice League, @cer-rata for Terry and @suzukiblu for Jordan + putting up with the initial ramble

So anyway Brianiac's satellite upload gets fucked up by Jor-el either in petty revenge or as an accident, and a part of Brainiac ends up on Clark's ship. The vague explanation I have is that Brainiac is the AI for everything and in TAS, Jor-el also does not realise he is "evil" and thus still uses his help as a navigator for Clark's ship while he is initially building it. The ship, however, is offline to prevent the Kryptoninan council from finding out about it, and thus, that section of Brainiac does not get taken back into the satellite upload.

As it is BARELY the 90's when the Kents find Clark after the crash, Brainiac is summarily useless thanks to the current lack of wifi, but manages to mostly teach himself English and Kal kryptonian, and decides that. >:( since they're BOTH there, they can BOTH be vestibules of kryptonian knowledge. And also Kal can get him more earth knowledge. The vibes entirely are: "Weird aspects of kryptonian culture taught by an unbodied dickhead historian" and while the argument is "but brainiac is evil!" Main brainiac is. But this is a subsection of Brainiac :) he learnt more stuff + Clark loves him soooo much.

Unfortunately. That is His baby now. He is not impressed with his baby. His baby bought him a growing chick the other day, with big sad eyes, and said the kryptonian word for fluffy!!! in such a mournful tone that Brainiac resigned himself to teaching kal about how growing up worked and that the chicken needed feathers to fly. This explanation ends with Clark collecting feathers and trying to jump off the barn roof, and he thus resolves to extend further co-parenting issues to the Kents. For his own personal convenience, of course.

It does of course ALSO mean that Brainiac, who has a loose definition of the words "surveillance state" absolutely gets in at the ground floor when the internet first starts up. Clark's influence relegates him to the background, but he is good at hiding ! So they don't realise they have an AI in the wifi! But ohhhh boy does brainiac scare a few people at first. Potentially tries to do his "i am helpful" schtick before realising he is not useful in this because he's basically just. Seems completely like a troll? He's some random person who's invaded the internet!!

However he is also the inspiration for google 😂 and calls it his younger, stupider sibling. It is also funny to me to think about earth compsci engineers having NO idea why sometimes the internet acts SO DAMN WEIRD <- brainiac's fault.

As a result though, when Clark starts up as Superman, Brainiac does NOT let the Kr project off the ground. Files are misdirected and blackmail is gathered. Until one day Kal says something sad about how he'll never be able to have a great romance, because he's terrified of telling anyone the alien thing, and that he's always thought about kids but he's kinda terrified because what if he hurts someone- and Brainiac is like ah yes wait. I shall fix this for my Only Kryptonian.

TWO kids for the price of one?!? he finds, after he goes searching, and then further prodding finds THIRTEEN children, extraordinary. Not all of them are viable because the earth scientists truly are incapable but Brainiac can fix the issues with their technology to ensure Kal has the children he wants.

"How many children did you think of, kal-el?" he asks, and Clark laughs at how kindly his friend/uncle/grandfather figure treats his silly selfishness.

"Oh, man, sometimes I think: as many as I can carry! But then- I don't want Superman to get in the way of being a good dad. Too many and I won't be there for them like I should, you know? I worry about that, I guess."

"As many as you can carry is a significant amount," Brainiac says dubiously, already imagining teaching these numerous children kryptonian culture and Also that they are Not chickens. "I do not think that can be fulfilled effectively."

Five minutes later Clark has five children and has realised his matchbox apartment and budding romance with Lois Lane are both complicated things he will now have to resolve. He's basically commuting daily to the Daily Planet from Smallville, thank god for superspeed and his endlessly patient parents, jfc

(Children I was thinking of: the destablised kon!clone from SB94/The Ravers, Kon, Match, Bizarro, and Mia. Alternatively they went old-school with Biz so Brainiac didn't get a chance to help him/he's older than the other kids when Clark finally mentions wanting kids, to Brainiac, and thus Biz ends up like. The kids' uncle. There ARE technically twelve clones before Kon. I could've given you thirteen-fifteen kids, Clark.)

Anyway this does mean that either a) when Lois finds out Kal is superman this is not his biggest secret, b) Kon rocks up as Superboy and Lois, once she finds out Clark is Superman, immediately goes: WAIT BUT SUPERBOY'S YOUR KID. ARE YOU MARRIED??? or c) everyone at the Daily Planet thinks Clark just. Got really unlucky with different people he slept with and someone in the world's wildest stroke of luck they all ended up pregnant. Because Clark Does Not mention a partner when it is eventually revealed he has kids.

He probably does keep them a secret for a while though. A) He doesn't want them to have to try and be "normal" since they're only just out of the pod and B) I feel like, weirdly, Clark is somehow that co-worker that people like. barely know anything about. You like them and they're so helpful! and good-natured! and then you get him in the office secret santa and realise you're not even 100% what his favourite colour is or if he has a pet.

Anyway, Lois: he is NOT expecting Lois to get pregnant and they have to have a Long talk about it because Brainiac is. :) Being an asshole about species compatibility and the fact that it is "not natural" for Kryptonians to be created biologically rather than properly, in a pod, and also: Clark already has five freaking kids. That's a lot of kids! Are they going to be okay having a brother that much (at least five-ten years I'm thinking, depending on if we go: Brainiac gives him multiple children of multiple ages, or multiple young children of the same age,) younger than them??? And then there's Chris, too, who rocked up just after Clark and Lois started dating, and is still pretty high needs because he only mostly speaks Kryptonian (and is lowkey terrified of Brainiac, so Clark's main babysitter is out) (also please please imagine how freaking cute the subplot of "chris realises this brainiac is not the nightmare his stories told him about; watching his new siblings do things that Brainiac would have killed them for, terrified for them because he heard the stories of how long Brainiac bided his time--)

But this is also: how many kids can we give clark, the fic, and thus they have Jon, and then Jon exhibits so many kryptonian characteristics and Lois doesn't mean to but she's a little wine drunk and says, "i love them, you know, they're all perfect, Jon's perfect, I was just- I'm terrified for him. If we raise him right he's gonna be just like his dad…and you know what? I was wanting my own little Lane. Someone to follow my footsteps. I'm feeling a bit outnumbered here, haha!"

Brainiac: hm. I will amend this. (Makes and artificially grows human!Jordan so he displays more human genetic characteristics As Lois Wants)

Brainiac: I have created Jon-el's twin for you, Lane. You are welcome.

Lois: um what

Clark: honey no you can't talk about children with Brainiac he will make more

Lois: WHAT.

Lois: OUR CO-WORKERS KNOW I DIDN'T HAVE TWINS, KENT.

Clark: …. you're gonna have to be one of those weird "I didn't know I was still pregnant" stories…. 😂

Lois: 😭 Clark you know those are only funny when they are NOT HAPPENING TO ME

Clark: you didn't know you were pregnant….. literally

Lois must engage in the gaslighting of all of her coworkers <3 What do you mean you didn't realise she had twins she's shown you both of them? Of course they look the same they're babies. Of course she always had twins. She carried them. Did you carry her babies? Of course she would know. Isn't that right, Clark? …. isn't that right, Clark?

Clark: "Where else would she'a gotten a baby from, guys? An alien?"

Brainiac: hello i have delivered the child. Where is my thanks? It has still not been conveyed? I am doing the Literal Best as the Literal Best AI ever? Excuse me? You ignore Brainiac?

Brainiac: death for one thousand humans-!!!

Martha: 🥰 Brainiac I'm so proud of you for always making sure these kids are taken care of. Giving us Jordan! Oh, you marvellous robot

Brainiac: …. acceptable, Matriarch Kent

either that or Lois shoots herself in the foot and everyone thinks Clark is STILL the man with the world's worst luck and the strongest genetics ever:

"Lois, honey…how are Jon and Jordan so close in age? If they're not twins?"

"Uh- Jordan is adopted!"

Everyone: looks at Jordan, who is Jon's splitting image

Everyone: …..okay

Anyway because this AU is wildly cliche, very obviously the Bit of Brainiac that helped Clark grow up re-integrates with Brainiac prime during a Big Dramatic Battle where all of the Superfam are getting hurt, and manages to stop/halt Brainiac prime from hurting Clark and the Kryptokids at the cost of his existence.

Jordan gets to punch it in the circuits cause he's the only one not affected by kryptonite but still has the general invulnerability. (And then Jon and/or Kon and meeting the LoSH and they realise their grandfather Brainiac has very much been continued in Brainiac 5's code :3 for an open-ish happy ending of "hey good exists forever and always regardless of heritage")

GRANDPA LEARNS LOVE AND AFFECTION.

GRANDPA CHANGES FROM GENERAL SELF SERVICE AND SELFISHNESS AND REALISES HE LOVES KAL AND THE KENTS AND HE WILL PROTECT THEM

GRANDPA ALSO WANTS ACCESS TO THE INTERNET. There is a constant battle and it does work for a while because he is elected babysitter of the kryptokids and he is only a small part of Brainiac, five kids does stretch the circuits he developed from Clark's pod, but it's a constant cycle.

"Kal-el, son of house of el, I demand google, I have not finished investigating the 'man of Bats'. Why are there two variations of his name?"

"You mean Dark Knight?"

"THERE ARE THREE? KAL-EL, PROVIDE ME WITH THE WIFI IMMEDIATELY--"

Also when Brainiac finds out that Clark's birthday falls on a human holiday he. He tries. He tries to do pranks. Most of them are vaguely and accidentally evil (Chris cries when Brainiac takes over the internet for the day and makes every search engine answer questions wrong), but he tries. He knows Clark likes pranks! He is trying to participate! It's family bonding!!!

Braniac: It is your 33rd April fool's day.

Clark: Yep!

Braniac: I have finally decided to assist you with a prank.

Clark:...oh?

Braniac: Behold! (Small boy with dark hair, blue eyes and a square jaw walks in, dressed in a decent little suit.)

Clark: Braniac you CANNOT keep making...Wait. No. No you didn't--

Braniac: A prank to share with your closest friend!

Braniac: I have been calling him "Bruce" for my records, but you may want to pick something else for clarity.

Clark: 😦😳😬💀

(And thus we have Terry)

Also, while Clark is pretty secretive about his kids, when/if any of them go out with a Superfam name, and/or after he gets closer with the Justice League, there are little slip ups. He does really love his kids!!! And at the point where he's joined the JL he's been with Lois for a few years now and is used to mentioning them every now and then at the Daily Planet/trauma sure does bond you together :) and he trusts the core members of the JL pretty well. Someone makes fun of Bruce for his "hoard" of children and his "adoption problem" and Clark snorts and then chokes. Bruce has barely adopted Tim and/or has only just gotten Cass. Four? Please, Clark's almost at double digits.

Or Hal is talking about the fact that he doesn't know what to get his niece for her birthday; Clark asks how old she is, and goes "Seven? Oh, yeah. Go for Monster High, it's really big right now. The dolls are pretty cool."

"Lol why do you know so much about dolls, you have a secret collection-"

"What? No, my daughter likes them."

Hal:

Barry complains about how many birthdays he has to go to and Clark laughs. "Oh, tell me about it! Mia, Mark ((Match)), Chris and Mara all had birthday parties for their school friends in the same week - thank god for superspeed, right?"

Barry, who was talking about volunteering to visit kids' birthday parties at different orphanages in Central: Clark what are you talking about.

Also, Clark's an idiot and decides to introduce Brainiac's "prank" to Bruce on the watchtower because hey! It's neutral ground! And none of his kids can hear into space, thank fuck.

Clark: so....Bruce....you know how you were complaining about being an empty nester. Now that Damian's gone to college. Well. Hm. (pulls Terry from behind him) Surprise!

Bruce: .......You have a new child.

Clark: er. Well. sort of!

Terry, staring at Bruce like the autism creature: O_O

Bruce: .....I have a new child.

(also probably terry's backstory then includes some amanda waller induced kidnapping and potentially a bit of amnesia and adoption by another family but hey, he finds bruce again eventually!)

(also match does try and be the badboy of the family and does hang out with thad, when thad comes up to kill Bart, but. they both just. accidentally vaguely rehabilitate each other? They're not good, but they don't murder, at least. It's a low, low bar. When Clark tries to disappointed-face him, Match just says he's following in Grandpa Brainiac's footsteps and does Clark REALLY expect him to disregard a family legacy-- and you can give him some suicide squad angst or whatever, but the fam is still. there for him.)

(Mia and Kara get into a fist fight when they first meet; then they are best friends. Mia's not great at 'being Kryptonian', especially because she was one of the first attempts, and as per canon is technically a human who they tried to overwrite with Kryptonian DNA, and thus doesn't entirely understand Kara's connection to their 'home', but as a result she also ends up being Kara's confidant in it, because unlike Kal she does understand being taken away from your home and not being able to go back to it, and yet does not have...the same connection the way the other members of the Superfam do, and the disconnect allows Kara to actually talk about Kyrpton instead of mourn)

(Kon does try and grab the spotlight; Clark is trying to let him have freedom, after both Mia and Match went a bit....bitey at his attempts to keep them safe until they were older, but he's still the more naive of his siblings. Thankfully for Clark, he does get to introduce Kon to Robin, and while they don't hit it off, it is enough to mitigate the worst of the fallout of Rex's sleazy bs and Knockout's crimes ): When he joins YJ Clark is both proud of his heroism and a little scared that one of his kids is actually deciding to follow in his footsteps.)

(Mara is Kon's destabilised clone, from when he learns about paul westfield. We did not have enough girls in this family and thus part of their journey of self-identity was the fact that in a family of loud personalities they weren't great at speaking up; it takes a while for them to admit they want a new name and to use she/they pronouns, but by the time Jon and Jordan are five everyone's used to the change. Mara and Kon are closest, even though Kon and Mark/Match are technically sort-of twins; they clash waaay too much in temperament and personality. Kon was much better at playing protector to his little sibling, especially after they came out, and Mara shares "Supergirl" with Kara - she's only a backup member of the titans, though, and has the compassion and strength for heroism but sometimes too much empathy. Does a lot of relief work and peaceful outreach programs. They love a lot.)

(Chris?? no self sacrifice here!!! He has a bunch of fucking siblings with TTK, he is NOT going into that portal)

(There are two Nightwings; every now and then they debate who should switch to Flamebird, jokingly, and yet both of them have perfectly valid arguments - it's kryptonian! / I look good in blue! - and thus it never comes to fruition. When Mia and takes on Flamebird they give it up entirely; it helps that Chris ends up doing a lot of intergalactic work, so there isn't much confusion on earth with the call sign.)

When Jon is old enough to want to switch from Superboy he 100% puppydog eyes Chris into giving him the Nightwing handle so he can give it to Dami, and snags Flamebird from Mia. Dick decides he can live with that and is trying to take care of his own kid so is semi-retired (and can snag it back from Dami if he ever gets too bored).

For a bit there are def still two Flamebirds, but then Mia and Chris decide to team up for intergalactic stuff and to bully Mara into more fistfights, so then they're Trio and just go by Mar-El, Lor-Zod, and Mi-El. I know that is not how female names work on Krypron but I also think Lois Lane, who kept her name and also gave both Jon and Jordan her last name, hyphenated, heard of that shit and went "absolutely not". Either that or Mara decides to keep her Kryptonian name as Mar-El and Mia is Mia Kal-el, or copies her mom and is like naw Fuck This, especially considering her.....lack of general connection to Krypton? Could be fun for any :3 (Or maybe in space she just goes by Lane; time for her semi-mom to get recognition. Mara is already showcasing the house of El, Chris is rehabilitating the house of Zod, she's gonna kick butt for the house of Lois.)

....Though this does potentially mean i have accidentally called Match "Mat-el" and the Barbie jokes from that. Would be. Iconic.

Anyway that's the Grandpa Brainy au! Tune in next week when I force Cerata to watch Arthur and the Invisibles with me and start talking about bug-prince Kon-el and Lois' adventure to save her husband from a tiny evil overlord.

[alastor-x-reader-stories]

HELLAVERSE x Reader - Part 2 of ? - Life with Owl Boi

GIF by honey-im-still-free

GIF by fatboychedda

GIF by idzymi

Summary: You're just some person who lived on your own in a slightly spooky town. Who knew demons would show up! Who knew they'd end up living with you?

Tags: Reader Insert, Hazbin Hotel Characters, Helluva Boss Characters, Fluff, Humor, Friendship, Romance

Relationships: ( & for platonic, x for Romance)

Stolas & Reader, Fizzarolli & Reader, Alastor x Reader, Lucifer x Reader

Stolas was actually a pretty good roomate. After the initial awkwardness and hour tour, you quickly established some rules:

No breaking my stuff

No stealing my stuff

No hurting my cat

No hurting me

Don't be a jerk

Stolas agreed, saying these were rather reasonable terms.

You lived in a rather run-down house which was great because it was rather cheap. It had working wifi and the roof didn't leak and the water was clean so it was ok. So what if the doors were slightly ajar and the paint was peeling?

Anyway, because you had this run-down house you had an extra room to spare. you admitted to Stolas that it was rather dusty and mainly used as a storage room but he was just flattered you were giving him his own space at all.

Between the two of you, the room got cleared out and dusted and the small family of opossums living there were chased away, You didn't know they were there but that'd explain where your peanut butter kept going.

Stolas was talkative and somehow never said a thing. He'd often ramble about plants and stars or whatever interested him at the moment but would quickly end up apologizing over and over. You let him know you didn't mind. Also that you might zone out but it had nothing to do with him you just had a hard time focusing for any extended amount of time.

"I believe that's called Attention Deficient Disorder, yes? Or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?"

You told him you had no idea and just left it at that. He didn't pry, which you were thankful for.

Stolas told you a lot of things, and you did your best to remember the things that seemed important. You got him a small potted plant you saw at the hardware store as well as some basic plant-tending supplies. He was overjoyed and was basically in tears. So much so you were confused and worried that you had done something wrong.

"O-oh my, no!" Stolas fretted, wiping the growing tears off his cheeks "These are happy tears, my friend. I just- I can't really remember the last time someone got me a gift. It makes me...it makes me happy."

That gift opened the floodgate for you to get more random things you think he'd like. Glow-in-the-dark star stickers, small succulents and flowers, a funny looking stuffed animal of indeterminable species... That last one wasn't based on anything more than you just thought it'd be something he'd like.

It was.

He hugs it in his sleep.

Once Stolas saw you fretting over bills, he started feeling kind of...well. Very guilty. He was just staying here this whole time doing nothing while you constantly gifted him with things simply because you think he'd like them (and he does! it honestly doesn't matter what it is because you gave it to him and that alone make him happy).

And here you were paying for it all. It reminded him of his rather sheltered and pampered upbringing. And how selfish and conceited he could be because of it.

So, the owl demon threw on his best human disguise, went to town, and got a job.

...

You know this because you had to comfort him after said job.

"-and they just YELLED at me because I sat down for, like, five minutes??? My feet were hurting and the customers were so mean even though I didn't do anything to them??"

Man was not made for retail. You asked him why he got a job at all. His answer made you feel rather fuzzy on the inside. You hadn't even brought that up, but he noticed and tried to help.

You still asked him to quit because of how stressed he was. Maybe he can be like a live-in maid kind of thing? You couldn't really pay him for that but you'd take care of the money stuff... He agreed to that but insisted he try to find a different job.

You were just confused as to how he got one so quickly in the first place.

Eventually, life calmed down and you and your new roommate got into a bit of routine. Work, play, research ways to return to Hell, etc etc...

...then The Storm hit.

[quaranmine]

being driven mad by wifi again which is upsetting since i thought i solved all my problems when i got rid of the old computer. my new one hasn't had a single network issue since i got it, so i was fully convinced the issues just lay in a bad wifi card/generally bad laptop build for the other one.

today though, my personal laptop can't connect to the normal 5G network i use at all unless i stand next to my door (closer to the router.) Even the 2.4G network is unusably slow (0.04 mbps.....). So the whole laptop is basically unusable for what I normally do.

It's like the wifi range dropped overnight? I cannot emphasize enough that I was using it just fine at like 10 pm last night only for it to not work at all at 8 am the next morning. There's been no problems at all for MONTHS until today. But AGAIN I am still able to use it on my work laptop. At least I can work but it's so baffling and frustrating that I've spent 2 years intermittently fighting to have my personal devices connect when the work one is always fine lol. Maybe it has something to do with all the security stuff installed on it, idk.

I forgot the network, logged back in again, reset my network adapters, checked for new drivers, etc. Asked my uncle to try resetting the router but you see I Do Not Control The Router since it is not mine lol. He swears there was no changes to it since yesterday. No I do not have ethernet as an option. Yes I own range extenders from my old laptop being messed up but those have never worked before so idk why they'd work now

[luluwquidprocrow]

sometimes a family is three orphans, their adopted daughter, one not-so-sad writer, and two triplets

frank, beatrice the second, the baudelaires, lemony, ernest, implied ernest/lemony

gen

3,598 words

In the grand tradition of all parents, the extended baudelaire family find themselves trying to pull a fast one. 

for @asouefanworkevent's woevember day 4, the hotel denouement! some rambling headcanon nonsense half-fic about post-canon family that i had great fun doing. my favorite thing in the whole world is post-canon babybea interacting with her absurd enormous family. i love them all so much.

okay. so bear with me here 

so i think most parents/guardians are at one point or another faced with Pulling The Ultimate Fast One on their children. this is related to Your Beloved Pet Died But We’re Telling You We Sent Them To Live On The Farm, but this version, in particular, is infinitely easier and harder. this one is The Switch. The Replacement. The Double. when the intrepid parent or guardian, under the cover of night, goes to the pet store to purchase The Exact Same Animal because the first animal had an untimely death. i will admit, this is the easiest with like, a goldfish, or something else small where you can usually get one that looks very similar. 

now, for babybea, it’s a pumpkin. 

so babybea (who is twelve at the time this story takes place), at the very end of september, carves a pumpkin, and she goes in with a VISION. she spends a couple hours on this pumpkin, carving an owl. It’s not, yknow, a realistic owl, but she adds a lot of tiny details, lots of lines for the feathers, and she carves a little mouse on the side too, and even gets the side of a tree in there, and the pumpkin carving kit the baudelaires purchased that year came with these little stick lights, to put in the owl eyes after carving, so it has orange eyes!! this is!!!! The neatest thing babybea has ever seen, and she is so thrilled with the results and very proud of this pumpkin. (for the record – violet carves a few pumpkins into a starry night with a moon, klaus carves monstera leaves, and. let’s be real. sunny bites a series of turnips into jack-o-lanterns.) (and then she stabs a couple white pumpkins into bigger jack-o-lanterns, for variety. all of them get different expressions!

sunny, arranging her carved vegetation on the baudelaire porch in order of emotion: perfect.) (no, i don’t know what order of emotion means. But sunny does.)

Then they all pile into violet’s car – pumpkin included!! – and drive almost an hour out of the city to the bildungsroman bed and breakfast. (frank and ernest decided, at this point in their lives, if they were going to commit to anything, it may as well be The Bit.) (it has a local reputation as a place with solid wifi, stellar bread, and great mattresses. The owners are considered minorly eccentric, mostly for the portrait they have in the lobby, of, just one of them. 

some impassioned yelp review: okay so the stay was great big recommend PLEASE try the bread but i cannot figure out the story behind the portrait in the lobby????? it's just one one of the owners?????? but I don't understand why bc they're twins and it's just ONE of them?????? and he's wearing this frog-patterned tie in the painting and when you see them like in person. neither of them wear the tie. what's the deal here 

the locals are sure it's not an ego thing, bc the owners don't seem to be self-centered or anything like that. In fact, if asked about the painting, both of them will say, “oh, that's a painting of my brother.” 

an additional yelp comment: I think. there's THREE of them  a third yelp comment: don't be silly, they're definitely twins.) 

frank and ernest have a very elaborate series of outdoor autumn decorations, with lots of pumpkins and mini gourds and hay bales over the front steps and corn stalks on all the porch posts, and babybea wants to not only show her uncles her hard work, but also put the pumpkin on their steps where everyone can see it!! 

(her uncles also include lemony, of course – I think he did live with the baudelaires for some time after reuniting babybea with them, but has recently moved into ernest's side of the private apartment at the back of the hotel. this was mildly distressing to babybea, who likes everyone she loves under the same roof, but she can't deny that lemony is very happy. and so is ernest. and now she can see all her uncles in the same place whenever she wants!! so the baudelaires tend to spend weekends at the bed and breakfast, because they also miss lemony. and they get to know frank and ernest better, which is very important to them, as people who are important to babybea, and to lemony, and, to the baudelaire's past.) (not to like, detract from the sentiment here, but i do need everyone to know that i imagine ernest spends like, 80% of his working hours just making out with lemony.) (okay maybe not 80%. ernest does legitimately get work done, it’s his hotel too. ………but like, a lot of time.) 

AND SO. the baudelaires arrive at the bed and breakfast, and frank and ernest and lemony are very proud of their niece's pumpkin. they take a lot of pictures. (re: my previous post-canon thoughts, frank has actually acquired a phone now, and does text. it is a flip phone.) babybea places it, very gently, on the third front step, and is so pleased. sunny steals two mini gourds while looking ernest dead in the eye. ernest approves. 

But october turns out to be unseasonably warm, and babybea’s pumpkin, while lovingly carved but now lacking the support an uncarved pumpkin has to keep itself A Pumpkin, does not take kindly to the weather, and babybea actually becomes very distressed at the smallest signs of rot beginning to form in her pumpkin, when it is only the second week of october. She doesn’t TELL anybody, because there’s not really much you can do about a pumpkin doing what a pumpkin does in warm weather, but she’s very upset. (almost uncharacteristically so. usually she’d say, oh, well that’s how it happens, and rather pleasantly move on, but lately, she’s been kind of. quieter than usual.) And frank, who spends a great deal of time at the front desk, closest to the pumpkins, becomes Concerned. 

now, in general, babybea’s family is like, pretty good at being realistic with her. She is of course an optimist, but still Aware of a great deal of the ways of the world, given her family, her upbringing, lemony’s books, her own adventures, everything. You can’t really shield this twelve year old from the ways of the world, even if that way of the world is, a rotting vegetable. All things have their time, and it cannot be stopped. Including seasons, and in-season foods. 

However. She put SO MUCH WORK into that pumpkin, and as the week goes by and the pumpkin starts to shrink in on itself, turning all of babybea’s work black from the inside out, those charming little glowstick eyes CAVING IN, and the baudelaire’s weekly weekend visit grows closer and closer, frank has been imagining her devastated reaction when she sees the pumpkin, and decides, He Must Pull The Fast One. he will re-carve the pumpkin, exactly as babybea carved it, replace the pumpkin, and no one will be the wiser. They get a little more time with the pumpkin, presumably at least until halloween, and his niece gets to see her beautiful handiwork as much as she likes. Maybe, you know, there is a little magic in the world after all, to make a pumpkin look so nice. 

(also, i think frank has. A shaky relationship with babybea, from his end. She loves him, as much as she loves everyone else in her family, and babybea herself would NEVER rank her uncles in order of how well she knows or admires them, but i, lulu vandelay, putting this together, have no qualms in saying she knows lemony the best, bc she has spent the most time with him, between trying to find him and both of them trying to find the baudelaires and all of them having lived together, and she’s rather deeply attached to him – ernest is very personable, and funny, so he’s easy to get along with – and she and frank both like tiny detail work, so they have things in common, but frank always seems very awkward around her. And he is. It’s bc he’s very nervous around her. Frank doesn’t think he’s good with kids. And he is usually acutely aware that in an ideal world, he isn’t the one she’d be spending her time with, that dewey would be so much better at all of this than he is. A better parent, a better brother, a better everything. Because dewey always was, to frank. but, dewey would probably want frank to do as much as he could for her, and would believe him absolutely capable of doing it, without a doubt. So he wants to be a proper uncle to her and THIS is his opportunity, he thinks. He so desperately wants to do something kind and considerate and important for her, like family is supposed to do for each other.) 

the thing about pumpkins, though, is that, for some reason, mid-october, THEY ALL DISAPPEAR. I’m serious, you ever try and find a good pumpkin even like a little over halfway through october? It can be hard. 

frank: i need your assistance. ernest: i’ve killed my quota for the month. frank: i – ernest, please.  ernest: alright, my apologies. What do you need?  frank: a pumpkin. lemony, from the kitchen: jarrahdale or red warty?  frank: no, i mean a carving pumpkin. 

The three of them take a good, long look at babybea’s pumpkin. Uncle Instincts Have Activated. They, very solemnly, bury the pumpkin in the back garden (lemony is the one who takes one for the team and removes the glowstick eyes from the depths of sad, sad pumpkin). And then embark on a mission. Please imagine the three of them packed into a mint green 1960 chevy corvette. Sunglasses optional. Who’s driving? That is up to you, my friend. Oh, google informs me it is cascade green. Imagine accordingly. (yes, no corvette has ever been made with more than two seats, but isn’t that just funnier? They really are packed in there. Lemony sits in the middle.) 

The hunt for the right pumpkin is long. Grueling! Kinda chilly! This is october!! Much comparison is made between potential pumpkins and the pictures they took of babybea’s pumpkin. Snacks are purchased. (lemony, who has recently been introduced to instagram, posts a picture of his pretzel. [ernest is out of focus in the corner, eating a chocolate ice cream cone.] [#pretzel.] 

sunbad: what is that lemonysnicket: I have purchased a pretzel sunbad: without me sunbad: you’re dead to me.) 

(it was actually not sunny who introduced lemony to instagram, although she was his first follower. It was klaus.) (klaus uses instagram mainly to never post anything ever, just to follow his favorite authors, so he wanted lemony to have an instagram, especially since he just moved out.) (klaus……..my heart………..) (oh, frank bought chex mix. he likes those gross rye bread pieces.) 

(don’t get me started on lemony with an instagram……….I think this is a hilarious but also heartwarming thought – this man who has avoided being photographed for years and years and years and YEARS (yes that much repetition was in fact necessary) is at a point in his life here he is not only comfortable of taking pictures of his life, but he is capable of doing it, he’s allowed!! It’s still probably mostly food and it’s so good!!!!!!!! and think of the amount of pictures he keeps just in his phone gallery, too!!! violet’s inventions and klaus’ library displays and sunny’s baking and babybea’s school projects and ernest’s record collection and frank’s breakfast spreads, and nature shots with lemony’s thumb in the corner, AAAAAAAAAAAA) (uh, anyway, these men are on a mission. back to the mission.) 

Eventually, they do find a comparable replacement pumpkin! Does it fit in the car? Lemony, by virtue of sitting in the middle, holds the pumpkin. 

They return to the bed and breakfast. Between the three of them, many different knives, and all of their photos, frank and ernest and lemony painstakingly recreate babybea’s pumpkin, down to the last, smallest detail. Including the little mouse and the side of the tree and the feathers and everything. (frank does do most of the work, because ernest and lemony very much see that this is important to him, but he doesn’t mind them helping, because, yknow. This is about family, and babybea is their family too.) (frank feels like he owes lemony a lot. for trying to set the record straight about their past. or as straight as one could try and set it, with what all of them did. for their niece. for making ernest happy.) (ernest deserves to be happy, with everything they put each other through. ernest thinks the same for frank, too.) 

(ugggggg if you told the three of them when they were so much younger that one day they’d stay up late recreating their niece’s perfect pumpkin masterpiece so she’s not upset about the passage of time………..) 

(who’s in charge of the bed and breakfast while all of this is happening?? 

ernest: mallory, you’re in charge. mallory, a twenty-two year old with a major in hotel management who runs the front desk when ernest and frank can’t: sounds like a plan. 

mallory has a deep respect for the denouements. meanwhile – 

mallory: so you’re lemony snicket. lemony: i am, yes. mallory: you don’t look like your photo. lemony: that’s my legal representative. he has a stamp.) 

meanwhile meanwhile – it is not necessarily about the pumpkin. 

For babybea’s part, she already firmly believes that there is some sort of magic in the world. Even at twelve. Especially at twelve!! Look, she knows it wasn’t magic that reunited her with her family, that it was her and lemony’s hard work, but she wound up with SO much more family than she expected, when she first contacted lemony. And like, that is what there’s magic in. this whole group of people who care about her and love her and want to spend time with her. Babybea thinks she has the best family in the whole entire world. (AND SHE’S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

But that is also babybea’s problem right now. She loves her family so much, and she loves having them, and it’s been a couple months but she is still not entirely comfortable with people she loves being so far away from her. Not now! Not when they’re all supposed to be in the same space, like they’re supposed to be!! And some kids at school have teased her, not so much about her puzzle-piece family but that she talks about her uncles so much. She’s just proud of her family and she loves them!! But middle schoolers are like, rude as fuck sometimes, okay. And they don’t even think they’re saying anything wrong, just offhand comments about how much she talks about them. They don’t even know anything about her parents, not really, but babybea starts to feel like, it’s the unspoken throughline in what they’re saying, why doesn’t she ever talk about them? Why only her uncles, her guardians? They’re her family, but – 

she feels almost guilty, that she goes through periods where she doesn’t even think of her parents at all, and periods where she can’t stop thinking about what they would look like and what they would be like, and that makes her feel like she doesn’t value the family she DOES have. So it’s not necessarily about the pumpkin starting to rot, what’s making her upset. It’s that, the pumpkin is another thing in a line of things babybea is Thinking about, things that aren’t Going the way she thought they were supposed to go. Her uncle moving out, missing somebody who was supposed to be there, her pumpkin not staying like it’s supposed to, she’s SUPPOSED to love her family but is she loving them right? Is she loving the right people right? Can you miss people you didn’t even know? And babybea has it very set in her head, the things she knows and is supposed to do – this is something she hasn’t quite worked on, but she’ll get to it eventually, she is still twelve – and they keep not happening like that. And now. Something else she worked really, really, really hard on, that isn’t going right either. 

So she spends the week a little gloomy about her pumpkin, and worrying the whole ride friday afternoon after school to the bildungsroman bed and breakfast. Violet and klaus and sunny are very aware of babybea’s mood, and try to cheer her up by asking her about what she’ll be for halloween, but babybea’s heart is not super into this conversation. (she has ideas about a big group costume where they’re all different local birds, but now she’s not even sure about that.) 

And then! She sees her pumpkin!! Glowy eyes and all!!!!! And, mysteriously, those little spots of rot she’d noticed the week before are gone, and, in fact, it looks a little sharper than it had before? And she didn’t think she’d cut the lid quite like that, but! That’s her pumpkin, exactly where it’s supposed to be!!! And it makes her feel just a little better. That’s good. That’s right. But she still can’t, entirely shake off all her previous feelings, about family. But. right now. Her pumpkin still looks very special. 

Later, babybea can’t sleep. So she sneaks out of bed and goes down to the lobby, and sits down on the floor in front of the front desk, and looks at the big painting on the wall, that ernest did of her father. 

This, of course, is where frank finds her. (because frank has never been very good at sleeping consistently, even when there’s nothing to worry about now, and he likes to walk through the hotel to make sure it’s secure.) 

(ernest would say something very clever, like, aha, with a raised eyebrow, but all frank says is – )

frank: hello, beatrice.  beatrice: oh!  beatrice: hello, uncle frank.  frank: may i sit down?  beatrice: yes, please. 

They spend a little while looking at the portrait.

beatrice: um –  beatrice: does it – 

What she wants to ask is, does it look very much like my father, which she then realizes is such a STUPID question if her father was a TRIPLET and she has a mirror image of him right in front of her, who acts like she thinks a father is supposed to act, so, but, it’s not like that doesn’t mean dewey didn’t look like dewey. Just because dewey looked like frank doesn’t mean he only looked like frank. And beatrice forgets, sometimes, that he would’ve just looked just like her uncles. But still! 

beatrice: i mean – the painting, is it – 

But she thinks it’s such a terrible thing to ask!! But frank knows EXACTLY what she means. 

(some time ago, when the hotel had just opened and ernest had just painted the portrait of dewey – 

ernest: i wanted it to look like him. And, it’s not like i, don’t know what he looks like. Looked like. I mean – that could just be me or you up there, couldn’t it. It doesn’t look like it’s him.  frank: no, it does.  frank, knowing exactly what he means and feeling like, he needs to make ernest Not look so abjectly miserable: you don’t look nearly as happy.  ernest, in tears, very amused and touched and still terribly upset: wow! 

The point being, god of course it looks like dewey. It couldn’t be anybody but dewey, even if dewey looks like other people. Dewey looks like himself, he looks like his family, he looks like beatrice, around the eyes. And family means lots of things. It means your guardians raising you, and your uncles raising you, and your father’s portrait on the wall and never knowing him at all, and loving so many people and being loved back by them, whether or not it’s Supposed to be a specific way, and sometimes it means missing somebody, sometimes it means missing different people, sometimes it means being sad for something you’re not sure if you should or could miss, sometimes it means not missing anyone at all, sometimes it means your uncle going to live with his definitely boyfriend even if they won’t say the words out loud who’s also your uncle just on the other side of your family and that doesn’t mean anyone’s going anywhere. Sometimes it means your pumpkin rotting, because things change. uh, does this make sense.) (admittedly, i put a lot of things in this.)

frank: yes, it looks very much like him.  frank: i think about him a lot.  beatrice: ......would he like my pumpkin? frank, without hesitation: absolutely. beatrice: do you like it? frank: i do.

of course babybea already knew that, but it's nice to hear. it's just. nice. it's not, like, everything? just like before. but beatrice is loved by a lot of people, and she loves them, too, and. she feels loved, right here, like she's supposed to, and that's what's Supposed to happen.

beatrice hugs him, and it's not the first time she's hugged frank, but it means more? frank hugs her back.

beatrice: thanks for fixing my pumpkin.  frank: i’m sure i don’t know what you mean, beatrice. 

beatrice hugs him again, and then goes back upstairs. frank looks a little longer at the portrait, and then goes to bed himself, and doesn't get back up until his alarm goes off.

[larsnicklas]

watching game 7 properly a day late bc my plane wifi was NOT good. "live" blog under the cut tehe!!

sasha absolutely obliterating a man in the corner was NOT on my bingo card but i liked it

ah gorgeous tip by mr v.erhaeghe. i knew he was going to show up that man ONLY scores big time goals

i love that pomo put okie back in the lineup. and not just bc i hate nick c.ousins lol it's just like. it's the right thing to do, to give okie a wack at this. i know when you're making lineup decisions it can't be about sentimentality but sometimes the Right thing to do is also the morally correct one lol

i do wonder a little if something is limiting bob physically a bit. obviously nothing that really has impeded him but. just something that's hindering his natural athleticism JUST a touch

good fun first period. it's very nice that both teams decided to play well in the same game. this has not happened during all games of this final LOL

espn wanted the o.ilers to win so bad they looked silly. especially m.essier AKSLJDFLAKSJD

okay lmfao you know what. that tripping call on matthew was NOT a trip. should've just been incidental contact, just a nothing collision. however. there COULD have been a call on erod for goalie interference so i think all in all it's ok. THAT BEING SAID puck don't lie and that's why the cats got the kill <3

stenny spent a minute and a half without a stick on the kill he is so cool so brave i would die for him i am so serious. also gus using stenny's stick wronghanded and also like probably five inches too big for him...... that was so harrowing. but bob was so up to the task. kith. i love him.

the cats really finally looked like themselves again this game eh. it was so good to see them LOL they are really such a joy when they play their game

fourth line looked very good

hockey is so funny in the way that a chance at one end can result in a goal at the other

that was an UNREAL play by kuli by the way. i'm so glad he had the second touch on the puck because he deserved an assist, batting the puck away from the crease while falling down. great shot by reino, and WHAT a pop in that building. my god. i knew it was coming and my heart is still pounding. holyyy what a moment

boys were laying the body. very good. wear them down.

e.kblad-f.orsling pairing you are SO very extremely important to me.

i don't mean to be too predictable but. samuel b.ennett is really such a warrior he's just got the heart of a lion he's mean he's intense he gets an icy cold calm feral look in his eye sometimes it's terrifying. i LOVE him. playing this whole series with a bum knee and honestly skating well, all things considered. fuck darnell n.urse lol

fascinating strategy from the cats in the third (treat it like a 20 min penalty kill) but i guess if it works it works!!!

bob was so locked in. the way the crowd popped with every save he made as the third period progressed..... man i LOVE sports

the scramble with 7 min left on the clock; dude florida owes gus f.orsling WHATEVER he asks for.

bob actually made a miraculous glove save on that play as well i feel so genuinely glad he had a bounce back game like this to win the cup

cats did a very nice job in the final stretch making it difficult for the oil to pull s.kinner

that being said. if EYE was a coach and my team was desperately trying to get the equalizer to extend the season and my opponent iced the puck with 3:29 left i would definitely pull my goalie and get my sixth man on the ice in the offensive zone but. idk what do i know

oh my heart really does swell with joy and pride lol they were truly selling out in the final minutes. bob was so fantastic. the five guys on the ice were throwing themselves in front of the puck, in front of sticks, in front of bodies. this is such a panthers way to play

btw sasha really embodies just. THEEE ideal. he plays hockey in a way that makes you nod sagely and go ah, that's how that's supposed to work. he's really wonderful i know he doesn't care to be a household name but i'm glad he will be (by hockey standards anyway) after this cup run

oh they are such a great team man. seriously when gus and mikksy and benny went into the corner to keep the puck along the boards for the final seconds ooooh the confidence i felt. no way THOSE guys were about to lose a board battle in THIS scenario. no fucking way. dudes rock.

also i did cry on the plane yesterday but that did NOT innoculate me from crying again today :( like what. i'm supposed to look at the tears in aaron's eyes and NOT well up in response??

me 🤝 keith t.kachuk wiping tears from my eyes

ok this concludes my "live" blog sorry if any of you actually read this. it wasn't very coherent

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

another oc redraw, here's my best boy-

Some facts about him:

He's a wifi router from the company Bloo and Loop Doop come from. Don't ask why the wifi router was designed to be sentient, no one really knows...

It was made just before the merger as one of the conditions of acceptance. He was required to be one of the models taken in, and Fazco couldn't do his repairs or get his blueprints. Strange, right?

He's essentially connected to the entire networking of the plex (y'know, because he's the embodiment of the system). If something's going on, he knows about it

He and Bloo get along pretty well, but they don't see each other often.

It's a serious prankster. Pulsar is pretty fair with its power, but not when it comes to rude patrons and staff. He'll totally mess with your wifi or pretend to give you a virus if he thinks you deserve it.

It stays away from Vanessa.

Most people disregard him, so he's essentially free to do whatever he wants.

His antennae start flashing or beeping if he's trying to call attention, or if he's lost his temper.

The lil beams under it are actually magnetically attached (again, don't ask how, it just is, I'm no engineer) and can extend and compress (not the right word but hush) depending on the situation and its mood.

HATES working with staff, including other animatronics.

Gets along with Moon pretty well, both of them don't say much and do security rounds on the rare occurrence that they meet up.

Can't really leave his designated area.

It also has access to information about the animatronics and their whereabouts at any given time! Neat, right?

Because of its access to the animatronic database, it can check for repairs, battery level, or viruses. It can also force them to enter a safety mode or return to the database, mostly via insistent pop-ups. He's never actually used this function though, at least not to his knowledge.

[sound-wav3]

Fictober 2024

Small

Prompt: 18 ("you always have a plan")

Fandom: Original Work

Rating: T

Content: Mild Language

I held up my phone. Zero bars. No wifi. "Son of a bitch. How're you holding up?"

Zeke was about halfway up the table leg. "Can't... talk..." He was slow going.

"Shit. Carol is working late, right?"

"...Yes..."

"Then keep climbing!" I'm pretty sure Zeke would have flipped me off if he could. "So who's fault would you say this is? I'm the one that wanted to use the shrink ray. However, you left it on the table."

"...I thought... it would... shrink... with me..."

"Sounds like you're taking the blame then."

"Fuck... off..."

Zeke finally pulled himself over the top of the table. I clapped for him. His hand shot out over the edge, middle finger extended. "Okay... fuck... I'm up here. Now to unshrink... wait. How am I gonna use it at this size?"

"Well you just pull the trigger after aiming at yourself and... I see the problem."

"OH DO YOU!?"

"Shut up. Hmmmm. Got it! Your phone!It's still normal size! Call Carol!"

"Will the touch screen even react to me?"

"Use your whole body if necessary!"

"You always have a plan, huh?"

"That's why it's not my fault we're four inches tall.

Zeke went quiet. I heard him struggling. Then I heard the phone ringing. After a few moments, "Hello?"

"Hey! Carol! Ummm. Ryan and I-"

"Zeke? Is that you? You sound weird."

"Carol! Ryan and I need you to come home!"

"What? No. Why?"

"We're, um, shrunk."

"..."

"Carol?"

"How small?"

"What? Does it matter?"

"Yes! I need to know how cute you two look!"

"Carol this is serious!"

"I'm being serious! Heheheh. Can't wait to play with you!"

"Carol!"

"Okay. Fine. I'll be home in twenty. We're gonna have so much fun!"

The phone hung up. We both sat there in silence. I spoke up first, "That could have gone better."

"We're not getting back to normal anytime soon, are we?"

"Nope."

"Fuck you."

"I thought we agreed this was your fault."

[8-ballbitch]

My guide book for homestuck troll oc making, it all but a personal resource not meang to replicate the works of an offical guide, i simply wanted a collection of info to have offline. When i created this offline guide, i did not have the trappings of a consistent wifi connection, having no phone with data AND a decent way to access the internet (a 30$ flip phone in 2017-2019) so this is my way of making do.

My goal, was to create a troll oc for every one of the extended zodiac signs, using my notes as refrence.

My infomation is probably outdated by now, and my contain bias from me when i still thought i was cis, or at least a demi-girl, girl adjacent, or whatever i thought my gender was back then. I also thought i was pansexual, but identify more with aroace now. Ive changed a lot.

I think its time i pick this silly little book and redo it.

Some example pages from it:

Rough around the edges, done entirely by hand over the span over a year or 2, three at most, and i messed up a lot here and there between the margins, hence my push to redo it, fixing my mistakes and updating any misinfo, and continuing my troll extended zodiac project.

This project is not affiliated with anyone else's project, no matter how similar in concept it may be. My attempt at this stems from trying to sit down and make a trollsona for every aspect of my zodiac map, aka all that sun in gemini, moon in capricorn, etc. Etc. Etc. Even down to like house 12 in scorpio, and this star in particular, and this dwarf planet were both in virgo when your birth happened, like i was thorough with it. And i had like about half the extended zodiac as possible troll characters made because of this??? So i figured...sure, why the fuck not and go the extra mile?

So yeah. Time to kick the autism up and notch and return to form.

[studywgabi]

I'm Sensitive, Aubrey!

Well.

I just found out I have something called "rejection sensitive dysphoria."

Jesus fucking Christ, it's 12:27. What a day.

You want to know how I know? Because my lovely, lovely friend who gives excellent, solicited advice and is also AuDHD told me (in a very kind way) to look into it and now I'm worried she thinks I'm too soft. So, I went down a WebMD rabbithole and now I have: prostate cancer, narcolepsy, consumption, cystic fibrosis, restless leg syndrome, scarlet fever, insomnia, and RSD.

I mean, this explains a whole fucking lot. In the past year, I've gotten a slew of diagnoses. A herd. An infantry unit. But I'm tired of getting diagnoses. I want to get treatments, actually effective ones. I'm tired of just finding out, over and over again, and always too late, why I am the way I am, why something is wrong with me, but never how to fix it.

You can quit your job, you can break up with your boyfriend, you can move to another city, you can change your major, you can dye your hair, you can remove yourself from situations or people that aren't right for you, that hurt you, or that you just don't like, but what if none of this is right? What if it's all wrong- your mistaken body, your screwed-up mind, your much too tender heart? What are you supposed to do then?

I can get extended time for tests and buy seamless pantyhose. But how am I supposed to get through life on earth being hypersensitive to rejection? Being able to take it on the chin is a prerequisite to humanity. For fuck's sake, my dream in life is to move to New York City, the place known for two things: rats and criticism (my two biggest fears). How can I ask the people I love to be honest with me? How can I ever improve at anything if I'm terrified of failure? God, is this why I quit piano in ninth grade? Because I felt that the piano itself rejected me? Maybe it was because I was just really shit. Kill me, I'm having a internet-broadcast existential crisis in the bathroom of the campus library, logged on to the school's wifi.

Dating is rejection. Working is rejection. Learning is rejection. Every part of my life, every dream, feels even farther away. Yeah, I guess it's comforting to know. But it doesn't do me any good to be aware of what I have if no one can tell me how to live with it.

It's 12:44. I hope your afternoon's off to a better start, darlings. You deserve to have a wonderful day.

Fuck, I wish I hadn't quit piano.

[nickgerlich]

Best Of Show

Ever since the introduction of personal computers, which traces its roots to the 1970s with first-gen Apple, Commodore, and Radio Shack computers, as well as the paradigm-shifting Kenbak-1 in 1971, our lives have become increasingly ruled by electronic gadgets. Without them, many of us would have a hard time working, not to mention simply existing. They have become ubiquitous.

So prominent has this industry become that it had to have its own trade show. The first Consumer Electronics Show (CES) was held in 1967 in New York City, and showcased what folks then thought was the bleeding edge of home electronics. I’m envisioning record players, reel-to-reel tape decks, and color televisions. It all seems so quaint now.

Skip forward to the present, and CES, now held in Las Vegas, just wrapped. The scope of CES is much broader than in 1967 by virtue of a rapidly accelerating rate of new product development. Anything and everything from viewables, usables, holdables, flyables, and wearables is included.

And, as one might expect, if your new product did not include the letters AI in the description, you probably should have just stayed home.

Some of the new items at CES this year are already available, but as is always the case at trade shows, some of the items are merely vaporware, a concept that has not quite come to fruition just yet, but might if participant reaction is good, and investor money flows. One-offs are a dime a dozen at shows like this.

There is also the worrisome reality that, just because a new item—one that is indeed ready to roll out to market—captures the fancy of people attending CES, there’s no guarantee that the rest of us will buy it. Who remembers 3D TV from a decade ago? Yeah. And what about those curved LED TVs? Uh-huh. Better mousetraps sometimes are simply overkill, and we’re just fine with the basic model.

But hope springs eternal in the breast of human entrepreneurs, who are constantly trying to push the needle a little bit farther. After all, innovation is one of the hallmarks of a capitalist society. We are freely motivated to do so. Truthfully, we as a society are dependent upon it. To summon a time-worn comparison, we need only look to the island nation 90 miles south of Key West, where people have Frankensteined 1950s-era cars together because that’s the best they can do.

One of these years I want to snag a ticket to CES. I fully realize I may be sleeping in my van, unless I can muster up the fortitude to swallow $400 a night hotel rates. But I want to see this extravaganza of electronic showmanship, which may be more accurately described as one-upmanship. Everyone is gambling on the future, and it is only fitting the show is in Las Vegas.

CES has also become the darling of practically every major media outlet. Google “new gadgets CES 2024” and you will see what I mean. Each of these outlets has produced their proprietary list of what they think were the best of show. It would be fun to return to these lists in a year, five years, and beyond, to see which of these products actually gained traction.

As for me, one of my faves was the Adobe Edge Camera, a huge improvement on outdoor security cameras. It was also a fave of Wired Magazine. Pretty much everything available today requires mounting or placement within the narrow range of your home’s wifi signal. That typically is 50 feet, given that it needs to send video and still pictures. I already have a bunch of cameras inside and out, but the invisible tether is maddening sometimes. I want range.

The Adobe Edge, though, comes with a base station that is paired with your router, and then extends your signal to one mile. You read that right. One freaking mile. Anyone with land will understand why this $199 product could be worth its weight in gold. Stir in a $4 per month subscription to access AI features—there’s those two letters again—and you can have peace of mind. And so will Adobe with a revenue model like this.

So have at it, my readers! Google the new products from this year’s CES, and report back in the comments in our class discussion board. Be sure to cite your source, and feel free to add photos.

Dr “Take My Money Already, Adobe!” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[hanshikha-life]

My Prankster Brother

It was a sunny evening in the month of June. The bright light shone at my books and my pen was constantly being bitten while I brainstormed the answers of my homework questions. My mind went back and forth on the same question again and again. That’s strange. I’m generally really fast on working out my after school work, I thought. Maybe it was because I was working three times hard to be on par with ninth grade. “It was a sudden change this year”, I said to myself, “It’s the first time I went to school continuously without a summer break and maybe because of which I got a little stressed out”. As such thoughts fluttered through my head came out of nowhere my little sister. I tried my best to pay attention to her while my drowsy, dark-brown eyes couldn’t help closing. I was snoozing hard. Why had I gotten soo tired suddenly? After a good enough attempt to listen I heard two words, “upload google-classroom”. I gently took the jet black phone from her tender baby hands and uploaded her online quiz to the google classroom to be corrected. I had just glanced at the big, fat student copy as the phone rang loudly. “Buzz…buzz”. Hugh? I jerked. Now that sure woke me up from my great slumber. I took the phone from my sister again. To be exact I remember snatching it from her. Yes, I know I should have asked, but anyways. I swiped up the lock-screen and entered the password. The home page popped up in a few seconds as I scrolled down to see who was calling. Ahhh…It was my little, naughty cousin brother. I’d known him since he was two days old and we’d grown as thick as a rainforest ever since. We bonded over the physical time spent initially as kids and later bonded over the internet.

He’s been calling me since and two things happen everytime we e-meet. One, our time extends for hours together and two, we have so much fun that it becomes difficult to sleep the entire night. I always love spending time with him! However, this particular day I was skeptical about it. You see, he had been trying to reach for quite some time and everytime he did something kept coming up and I had to refuse his calls. It was studies, or games or sports or sometimes even meal times. I was making lame excuses for silly reasons because of which I was scared to pick the call up. Of Course, I didn’t mean it but I was just not able to make much time for him. This did bother me a little but I put it in the last cell of my brain. I had a lot of thoughts going on in my head when GASP I was back to reality again. There were two missed calls and I had to call back. I texted him to hold on and returned the phone to my sister. Allowing her to complete the work she was to do. I took the time and set things within myself right. Once my sister was done I stood up to myself and rang my brother. I had my mind all set to apologize incase I had to. I gripped the phone tightly and pushed it against my ears briskly. I took a deep breath and then said a small, sweet, “hello…How are you?”

A crazy voice came pounding out, “Ha..loo…Howwaa…re…yo…u”. I was astounded. When did this guy start having internet issues? It went on for ages together. At this point I gave up. How could someone living in such a big city ever be able to get so many WiFi issues. This was literally impossible. Like hearing a crackle person. “Ba..t…ha…w?”. Why was he doing this? It had been five minutes and it was still going on. Oh! Now I got it. Brothers are never hundred present in what they say. Maybe he was just acting all along. After soo much effort and million requests of teaching me how to do ‘breaking voice’ he started to become normal. Oh and by the way I wanted to know how to do that for real. It would be soo cool to do that in online school and trick all my classmates and teachers. I’ve been asking him to teach me ever since. Once he became a normal person he randomly started shouting to the core of his voice that he couldn’t hear me. He was screaming at the top of his voice. Probably the loudest time I ever heard him. To counter his screams I started texting him for another four minutes continually. I texted him in normal formal English, then shifted to informal, then texting language. I even texted in Telugu but heard no reply.

The call was still on and the milk white text on the top center showed that nine minutes had passed. I was very sure he was just acting off that he couldn’t hear me. He must be partying vividly just by the thought of me assuming that he couldn’t hear me and I was trying to reach out to him badly. Out of frustration I just cut the call and called him time and again. After he was sure he irritated me to his heart’s content because I did not pick his call up. After taking full revenge he spoke to me only at the exact time when I had to sit down for music class. So, now I had to cut the call and make a proper deal with him to e-meet up properly again.

What an amazing prank call it was! It was so much fun that day! I loved talking to him. It’s one of my favorite things to do!

In fact this blog is fully dedicated to him!!

[xgenesisrei]

Good is NOT enough.

In a fallen and deeply divided world, we are often always in want of good things. Good food, good clothes, good public transport, good WiFi signal, and yes, a good president.

We need to have a lot of people, especially from among God’s people, to be engaged in the work of making these good things a reality. I say this because this task involves turning things (that have gone bad and broken) in this world back to the good design that it was meant to have. In a way, it is a pursuit of reversing the tragic effects of what theologians call as ‘The Fall’.

This is why, I think, the pursuit of ‘making change happen’ flows from the wider ministry of redemption -of seeing the restoration and renewal of God’s creation. But more than this, I think, the work of ‘turning bad to good’ is a key component of the so-called ‘Great Commission’ of making disciples of all nations. To me, this commission of discipleship has to do not just with multiplying the number of followers of Christ but also with the work of putting everything under the Lordship of Christ. In this way, it is a call for each and every Christian, wherever he or she may be, going about a variety of everyday stuff (botany, social work, chemistry, engineering, architecture, etc.), to help ‘re-imagine’ and ‘re-make’ this world so that, in small or big ways, people get to be reminded of the wonderful design that God originally has for the world.

And yet still, I think, God calls 'certain’ people to go beyond this remarkable work of 'doing of good.’ Good is great, but it can get better -good things can be beautiful.

I once had a professor who illustrated to me the difference between doing good and doing it beautifully. He said, “Rei, if you storm into my house one morning with an empty stomach, and I give you a piece of bread to satisfy your hunger, I have done a good thing, you will be fed and I have done my duty as a Christian. But if I took out my dwindling bottle of strawberry jam and splash a pinkish spread into your bread before serving it to you, that would mean something more from your end and for my part.” I kept that in mind to this day. True enough, to go beyond doing good is the ‘making of good things even more beautiful.’

The work of ‘beautification’ can be rooted in God’s original mandate given to human beings -to rule over the earth, to manage it, and to cultivate it (Genesis 1:26-28). If you will notice, the work entrusted to Adam is not merely a call to do good. The Bible tells us that when God looked at all that He has made it was, in fact, already, in itself, ‘very good’ (Genesis 1:31). Now, if everything is good already, then what else is left for man to do in the Garden? We could take a clue in one of the projects launched by Adam: God created the animals. How will Adam improve on it? Give each of it a name! A beautiful name for that matter.

To make good things beautiful is man’s original mandate. However, today, as we live in the aftermath of the Fall, a lot of us will find ourselves preoccupied already with the task of changing things from bad to good. To see the bad turn beautiful shall need a costly second step. Those who will engage with this extended labor are the people who shall remain uncomfortable with seeing merely good things. They will have, to borrow a line from Six Pence None the Richer, a form of “Divine Discontent” for the simple reason that the already good could actually still become even more beautiful. Isaiah 61:3 talks of a God who creates beauty from the ashes. That divine work remains open to those who have the eyes to see color in endless shades of gray.

But making things beautiful accomplishes something even more interesting for it touches upon the climax of time and the apex of human history. Beautiful things are but glimmers and glimpses of what the New Heavens and the New Earth is all about. In the last book of the Bible, we would read John the Beloved in great pains trying to describe for us the splendor of the heavenly city’s architecture, both in its exterior and interior design. He took note of the gemstones, of the cubit meters, of the lavish materials that were used to build the city. More so, he reminds us that all the masterful works in history shall have its rightful place of honor in the coming kingdom of all kingdoms (Rev. 21:26).

Now, I’m not sure if John the Beloved is an artist. But to every person called to the pursuit of beauty, he or she will experience pretty much the same struggle. With the aid of a feeble brush and incomplete palette of colors, a painter has to create beyond what the canvas can contain. For writers, to express thoughts that are too wonderful for words. For musicians, to compose a story that blisters the sharps and the flats. For doctors, to turn a cold medical treatment into a moment of hope. For engineers, to see a city made not only of glass and steel but of warmth and peace.

Art is not just what has to be showcased in the museums. It is what puts delight to the monotonous rhythm of life.

I’ve always thought of art as a faint echo of what is eternal. I am convinced that it is one of God’s foremost ways of reminding us that ‘every square inch’ of this world can be colorful, that it can be free, that it can be real, that it can be honest. And that it is perfectly alright to feel and dream of it that way.

Perhaps the reason God created artists, and only a few of them in each corner of the world, is because glimpses of masterful beauty cannot be mass produced. There can only be one Monalisa in as much as you won’t experience the same theater performance in the same way (for every run reels a character of its own). The same goes for every rock concert -it screams a growl that is unique to the wild crowd in the mosh pit. These things cannot simply be streamed online and still be able to emit all the emotions that spiral out of it. Art deserves to be experienced fully within the confines of time and space.

Art evokes one very important emotion in people -the sense of awe. The wonderful thing about this is that the capacity to recognize and appreciate something truly beautiful is not ‘born-again’ dependent. Awe, I think, is the image of God in man, reignited and reactivated. Awe reminds you that there is something that is bigger than you and the parameters of your imagination. Awe is superhuman, it is supernatural. Sacred, so to speak.

It is to this sacred work of making beauty that I think artists are called. It is this work where Christian artists are badly needed as well. For Christians are called not just to be agents of change but also to be agents of beauty.

Tom Wright, in his book Surprised by Hope (p. 231-232), has this to say,

“Part of the role of the church in the past was – and could and should be again – to foster and sustain lives of beauty and aesthetic meaning at every level, from music making in the village pub to drama in the local primary school, from artists’ and photographers’ workshops to still-life painting classes, from symphony concerts . . . to driftwood sculptures. The church, because it is the family that believes in hope for new creation, should be the place in every town and village where new creativity bursts forth for the whole community, pointing to the hope that, like all beauty, always comes as a surprise.”*

-Rei Lemuel Crizaldo (August 26, 2016) *This post is in honor of the passing of 'ate' Norma Liongoren (September 22, 1946 to August 26, 2016), one of the Philippines' most ardent supporter and curator of all things beautiful.