#WHY DO I FORGET THAT I AM DOUBLE DISABLED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

s0ngsandstars · 1 year ago

Note

hiya!! 1, 6, and 8 for the disability ask game, if you haven't already done them :3c

Putting it all under a read more because I do a lot of talking and I forgot how Tumblr deals with long posts. sdkjdfjgkdgn Also I apologize for how negative the last question turned out.

1. What disability/ies do you have? (and are they mental, physical, or both?)

Mental health wise I'm an absolute wreck. The things I consider disabling are DID (mostly the dissociation, I like my headmates), OCD, ADHD, Agoraphobia, Depression, and social anxiety that I heavily suspect is actually AvPD. C-PTSD is also awful, but it's like. Not as bad as the other stuff in terms of how much of my life and time is taken by it. Also like, all the sensory issues that come with being autistic is just awful. Other things too, but like. mostly just more anxiety stuff. sdkjndfgkjngjn I am a very anxious human being.

Physically I have FND (it manifests primarily as movement problems, and sometimes takes away my ability to move some or even all of my limbs entirely, though most usually my legs), arthritis, something related to hypermobility, and I heavily suspect POTS, but my doctors won't test me for it. *makes a peace sign* Also I'm deficient in vitamin D but my doctors won't prescribe me anything for it (idek why, it's been brushed aside like 3 times though even though it's been deficient for multiple tests of it). *makes a second peace sign* I also have glasses because I'm moderately near-sighted, but that's a very common thing.

I also have GERD and don't have a gallbladder, so food hates me sometimes, but that's like. So mild in comparison to other things. The worst part about that is that I have to wait a few hours before going to sleep after eating or I'll get sick. I almost forgot, I have NAFLD and so I'm banned from alcohol, even though I've never gotten drunk in my life, so that's a missed opportunity.

Probably something else I'm forgetting but, eh. sdkjndfgljdgn

6. What’s something good that’s come out of being disabled?

I feel like I'm more understanding of people? Like, it's definitely helped me with being more readily accepting of other people's experiences.

Also can I count synesthesia as a sometimes positive to my senses being fucked? Some sounds smell wonderful. I love the colors I see for people and things. Like, yeah some sounds can smell literally like burning rubber, but other sounds can smell like chocolate or sour candy or mint chocolate-chip ice cream, etc. etc. and it's lovely.

Fun thing too is my cane can double as a weapon if I need it to. So like, that's kind of neat.

8. Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your identity? (gender, queerness, culture, even hobbies/life goals you’re very passionate about)

Yeah, definitely. DID made gender and attraction rather difficult to figure out, because of the bleed through of others' emotions and like blending etc. I went through quite a journey before deciding on just non-binary for gender. AroAce was also tricky to figure out, but I got there eventually. But I'm really happy with it, and now it's like, one of those questions I can answer if we're really dissociated and trying to figure out who's out. Narrows it down a little if I can answer the gender/sexuality questions. Not a whole lot cause we're polyfragmented, but hey, we'll get there eventually. sdkjndfgkjn

As for gender expression, I can't wear some things that I really want to. Like my movement issues make wearing certain shoes potentially dangerous, and I can't be in long or tight skirts. I don't have the energy to put on makeup any time I want to.

And it definitely effects my hobbies. I don't have the energy to draw most of the time now, and when I do I can only do it for short bits at a time. It's really frustrating, because I want to, I want to so much, but as soon as I get my tablet set up, I'm so exhausted I feel like crying and I have to lie down for a while or I'll feel ill. I have to jump on when I have the energy to do things like draw or cook. I do read a lot though (mostly fanfics). Reading doesn't require much energy, so reading is fantastic.

Life dreams, definitely. I can't go to school right now, I can't get a job, I can't travel.. My life is limited, and I can't do some of the things I dream of doing. I want to be a planetary meteorologist. I want to travel and see places. I want to do so many things. But I can't.

Trying to end this on a positive. I'm proud of what I've been able to do, even if it doesn't seem like a lot to someone who's abled. I've missed out on so many things, but that makes the things I've been able to do mean so much more.

#S Answers #Ask #Tesla tag #Disability #Long post #alcohol mention #idk how to tag this #calling this post good enough though I am so tired I need to sleep. sknjdfgjkdfng

3 notes · View notes

desudog-gone · 2 years ago

Text

Grrrbv ;'_';

Just saw a mutual who randomly blocked me (old blogs, i only saw them bc i moved sense then. Not purposfilly block evading) some months ago after we were really close (like, shared stuff personal with and gave free stuff on flight rising type of close) and it just. I can't feel fulfilled about it. Why. Like why did they do that. They didn't even like vague about me so I could tell what it was about. It just feels terrible. Usually I don't really feel this way about when people find it time to go, but it literally happened 100% randomly. Sometimes I consider asking them (of course, very consciously will make it sure I'm okay with any answer) because it really confuses me but I also just think that seems... childish? I don't know. I won't call it ableism but it kinda felt that way, just randomly blocking a very int disabled mutual and then doubling down on being buddy with the person who said I had the skills of a child among other statements that are just nasty over something that was nothing. It's just weird. It makes me feel really sad and sick inside and I just don't get it. I can let other stuff go idk why this one's so hard. Well I do, because I cared about them but was apparently overnight disposable? But it's happened before.

Idk. Hard to fight my fear of abandonment and issues trusting others when everyone I confide in either lashes out at me or wordlessly blocks me on every platform and every blog I've ever owned. I have a really hard time talking to people and trusting them these days. I kinda only talk in depth to ppl anymore 1 on 1 like on discord if I'm convinced I'm not the "weirder" one of us.. even mutuals I had and didn't block me just kinda faded away from me lately and it's just very uncomfortable and sad. Idk.

I really try not to feel like this or think like it but it keeps happening and i feel unsafe and upset. It makes me feel really sad. I just feel confused and sad. It makes me scared after I get vulnerable to others. I feel like I get retraumatized every few months. And I'm just too stupid to be allowed to be okay. I "have the conversational skills of a 5 year old." Its okay to not tell me why or when you leave, right? Insulting me for daring to sleep is okay because I'm too dumb to understand words right? Idk. I won't call it ableism. But I feel unsteady.

I really appreciate the freidns I have. The only problem always have. But I feel like I've been taught that no matter what I'm not worth appreciated. I just existed to make my mutuals laugh or to listen to their vents (but not mine) or to engage in their special interest (NEVER mine.) And when they get another friend I'm worthless idiot who can be thrown away. I don't belive that but it feels like people mean that...

I just wish I knew. I always wish I knew, I'm happier when people are meaner to me because I can process mean and angry to me. I can process that I know what it means and I can get over it but the quiet unannounced disappearance is bad and so scary and I think its worse because my disability. I'm sorry I can't tell. I can't tell when you started to hate me. But I'm never sorry that I was kind.

So many times I am worried now because I opened up. I regret it every time now. It's so scary. I regret ever opening my heart to people in dms about my joys or things that upset me it's so so scary when they hate me.

Sometimes it feels like everyone hates me. It's not true but I feel bad inside about people a lot.

I try not to look scared and I try to be brave for myself. Whenever it happens I get scared. Because I let people inside and it means they can hurt me once they decide I'm no longer valuable or human enough to be kind to.

And it like... everyone does.. ! It's not "I wont" it's "not for now".

I know they're talking about me. I know they want to hurt me if they haven't already.

I feel like talking is wading through MUD.

I want to love people stronger. I want to love people happy and confident.

Sometimes I forget not many people want this for me

2 notes · View notes

jasper-pagan-witch · 3 years ago

Note

Unpopular Opinion: Half, if not more, of pagans are just as toxic as Catholics/Christians.

Many pagans claim to be so severely oppressed and use that to rewrite history, or create "history" with no historical evidence to back them up.

They also use their identity as a pagan to hate on organized religion without realizing that organized religion isn't reserved to the big three (Christianity, Judaism, Islam).

Going further, many pagans use similar tactics Christians use to manipulate, guilt trip and shame witches who identify with those big three religions.

THIS THIS THIS!

They even forget that some of the "big three" they're fighting with aren't even that big.

Judaism accounts for a little over 15 million people worldwide (2020 estimate, source: Jewish Virtual Library) which sounds like a lot until you realize that that's only about 0.19% of all people worldwide (2020 estimate at 7,795,000,000 people, source: Wikipedia).

Sure, Islam is the second-largest religion worldwide, but you know what the first one is? CHRISTIANITY, which has about a third of the world's population following some strain of it or another.

Usually, the problem pagans have with "organized religion" is just a problem they have with Christianity and they've deluded themselves into thinking that Islam and Judaism are just Christianity minus the Jesus.

Or they want to appropriate Lilith and turn her into a girlboss sexy dominatrix night goddess and are upset when Jewish people point out that 1: she's only ever found in Jewish sources, any "connection" to Sumerian or Babylonian culture is maybe a few words and things believed to be statues of her have been debunked, 2: she ain't even CANON to Judaism, she's from a later midrash which is an exploration of a canonical Jewish text, and 3: if she really was a Sumerian or Babylonian deity, surely we would have found proper record of that and they wouldn't have to keep doubling down on using the very midrash that they claimed "misconstrued" her which is still our only source for her existence. (Source: Rabbit's tired explanations on @will-o-the-witch, check out xer Lilith tag here where zhe's shouted herself hoarse about this topic. [Double side note, I hope you enjoy the pronouns here, Rabbit.])

And yes, a lot of the tactics I've seen pagans online use are the same ones I've seen Christians in my area use.

But I do have to say one little piece of disagreement, in that there are places in the world where it is legimitately dangerous to be a pagan. I speak as someone from rural Missouri, which is a terrible place to be if you're not Christian, if you're queer, if you're a person of color, if you're disabled, if you're neurodivergent or mentally ill, or even if you need an abortion. Our laws here suck and if you go even slightly against the white allocishet neurotypical able-bodied Christian man-based status quo (yes, that's a lot of keywords), then you're in danger. People will look the other way if something bad happens to you, which is why I have to hide most of what or who I am here. And I don't doubt that there are other places (even in the United States) which are similarly dangerous.

So yeah, for the most part, pagans online aren't as oppressed as they think they are, "organized religion" isn't your enemy, your real enemy is misinformation/disinformation and historical revisionist campaigns, and there are places where it's legit dangerous to go against the status quo but Tumblr is not one of those places.

~Jasper

#spicy spicy hot takes here; thank you anon for opening the door for me to talk about this!#answered #anonymous #religion #paganism #christianity #judaism #islam #discussion

348 notes · View notes

thatadhdfeeling · 4 years ago

Text

The differences between HYPERFOCUSING and HYPERFIXATING

Tl;dr: Hyperfocusing is intense, uncontrollable concentration that can be productive and/or harmful. Hyperfixating is an obsession that can take up a lot of time, effort, and money, but is suddenly dropped. Both of these are common experiences with ADHD and other disorders, and hyperfixation can be mildly felt by neurotypical people, but to a lesser extent and far less frequently.

Hyperfocusing

is the state in which your attention is solely focused on the current task. This could be as simple as filing a nail, or as complex as reorganizing a room. It could be a minute, or several hours. And I don't mean this task is your main focus, I mean it's your ONLY focus.

Nothing else in the world exists to you. People struggle to interrupt and grab your attention. Time isn't a construct you understand anymore. Your nervous system stops sending alerts to your brain about physical symptoms. Hunger and a full bladder don't exist. Being in pain from not moving or muscle aches from heavy lifting aren't a recognizable thing.

It can be dangerous. When your body doesn't recognize hunger and you forget humans need to eat, you can cause digestion issues, low blood pressure, low brain oxygen levels, heartburn, etc. When your body doesn't tell you to stop and go pee, you can cause UTI or bladder infections and fevers. It is not a choice, it's not just working through lunch, and it's not just being super interested in something (although 99% of the time hyperfocusing is related to a task you find interesting).

Once you come out of the hyperfocusing state or are successfully interrupted, executive dysfunction tends to sink in and returning to that task is almost impossible. And everything hurts! It hurts to pee. It hurts to not eat. No time to prepare food, only to eat the food. You can feel very faint and confused due to lack of brain oxygen levels and lost perception of time. It's honestly not a fun experience to come out of. But you can get a lot of detailed work done while hyperfocusing! Hopefully something useful, but as it's not a choice of what on or when it happens, it isn't always productive.

Hyperfixating

is being obsessed with something. Could be anything. Learning a new skill, picking up a new (or old) hobby, an object, a person, a TV show.... Anything. But it's not just liking this thing a lot. It's an obsession.

Spending hours doing or researching or practicing or reblogging about it, even during inappropriate times. Sneaking it or something you can use to look it up with into work or school. Risking a lot to immerse yourself with it. Constantly thinking about it. Dreaming about it. And possibly hyperfocusing on it.

Everyone can enjoy a hobby or be a fan, but this isn't just enjoying it, it's obsession. It's the craving for that dopamine hit as though it were a drug. You find yourself spending so much money on it, and you're convinced it will last for a long time. You have this overwhelming desire to share it with the world. You'll tell your friends and family about it. Show them. Try to get them involved. Have your entire world surrounded by this hyperfixation by inserting it into every part of your life.

And then it's gone.

There's no warning, no getting bored period, no slowly becoming disinterested. You wake up one day and you don't care any more. It's over. It might come back in a few months or years, but more often than not it doesn't. And this can be a very low period. You feel incredibly dissatisfied and bored, but nothing fills that void. Nothing compares to the feeling of the thing you hyperfixated on, including the thing itself. It's like finishing a book or show and not knowing what to do with yourself after. When people ask you how it's going with that project or interest, it feels like a walk of shame to admit you haven't touched it for a very long time and no longer want to. That you spent so much effort and time and money on it and told yourself and everyone else that you weren't going to get bored of it. But you did.

And then the next hyperfixation comes along...

Hyperfocusing and hyperfixations are two common symptoms neurodivergent people experience. Mostly found in those with ADHD, but can be seen in other disorders as well (I believe autism is one of them. I am not autistic, I can't speak for members of the autism community on this). Both hyperfocusing and hyperfixating have their pros and cons, and neither can be controlled or started/stopped at will. The subject matter is also not a choice. Many neurotypical people experience times of intense focusing or obsessions with interests, but not quite to the same extent as often. Neurotypical people can mildly hyperfixate, but it tends to be for a longer time and usually includes a more gradual decline of interest. Some people are able to turn careers into it. If you are neurotypical and truly hyperfixate on something, congratulations, you've discovered your passion. But for someone with ADHD, they may struggle with this, as the hyperfixation can stop suddenly after a shorter time so they can't use it to help with career advancement. These are things that take over the lives of neurodivergent individuals. People have lost jobs over it, gone bankrupt over it, caused health problems because of it.... It's not just something everyone experiences. Neurotypical people can, but it's rarer and less intense. ADHD isn't a lack of attention, it's the inability to regulate it. So while we struggle to maintain focus, we also struggle to stop focusing at times.

If you know someone who's neurodivergent and tells you about these experiences, just listen. Let them teach you about their interest. Let them passionately talk to you about it. If they are hyperfocusing, follow up with them later. Even if they responded to a question during that period, double check if it's important to make sure they remember. Prepare them food ahead of time. Let them know if it's been hours since they got up and walked or went to the bathroom. Don't shame them for dropping an interest, or tell them their hyperfixation is annoying. Understand that they can't control hyperfocusing. Care for them, because they'll need it.

I don't speak for everyone with ADHD, this is just me trying to explain the differences and how strong they can be. I don't speak for anyone else, neurotypical or neurodivergent. Yes, everyone experiences these symptoms sometimes, but not everyone experiences them to the same extent and less frequently. That's why disorders are classified as they are. Please see my "Why saying everyone has ADHD is harmful" and "Disorder and disability aren't bad words" posts. I also have no sources, just personal experiences and what I have been explained by my therapist (who also has ADHD) and other neurodivergent people. So hey, I could be wrong. I'm always open to education, and wish for the world to understand that neurodivergent people are different, and that's not a bad thing!

#adhd #neurodivergent #adult adhd #adhd problems #living with adhd #adhd things #actually adhd #adhd brain #adhd inattentive #sorry it's so long #I keep seeing posts of people mixing up these two terms #thatadhdfeeling #theadhdfeeling #tadhdfpost

409 notes · View notes

fujwow · 3 years ago

Text

Me realizing I was never gas lighting myself because I have adhd, I knew I had dyslexia. I've had hard time in gc because people type fast and I have to reread it(basically double check) which I find annoying because of my adhd, I’ve been in the intervention class throughout elementary to highschool. It makes me angry that people can accuse me of lying, I’ve made a mistake just by putting incorrect data on an app but my whole life when I read I think the words are written wrong which makes it’s hard to me to have empathy people because in school I was seen as the slow kid, which I knew I wasn’t and that people get made fun of if they are disable, I know I’m not disabled just different from everybody else, I see words in a way be rearranged to me, and is completely different from what I saw before so it’s hard for me to accept I wrote sentences wrong, and not feel gaslight when people don’t say things straight out and instead except me to just know, but the different is they don’t have adhd or dyslexia in their bio and are offended? They never thought of me having adhd or dyslexia is real because they haven’t experience it, which makes me feel like I am a failure without even trying, because i always end up having to just try and forget the situation, since if i rewrite it they gonna say they somehow caught me in a lie. It’s hard not to think at this point i shouldn’t even try they were mean, at time like these its like everyone else is normal and your on the other side which is borderline since online people can’t prove if I’m lying or actually have adhd and dyslexia. But I don’t know how to rationally explain/talk to people without blowing up like a ticking bomb, being empathetic isn’t my strong point it seems every time I do try to be. I don’t except an apology I just wish people could be upfront honest to me about things like this, I added this to my bio, well its a card post thing the app, but I can tell they were mocking me with avve, I noticed it when this girl added me on snapchat, probably because they looked at my bio and that i said somethings that might have confused them, this book I got came in the mail and a card came with it had a scan which told me about myself how I’ve been sabotaging myself so I said well I can’t gas light, girl boss, gatekeep my way out of this one. I didn’t want to straight out say the card kinda symbolizes me being sociopathic because I try to steal personalities from like anime characters in a way. My zodiac sign is a Scorpio so the snake represent me, I also am too quickly to judge others but turns out they were using avve because they thought I was faking having adhd dyslexia one of the person on Snapchat on the other app had some mental thing in her bio, it’s like I’m going in circle when talking to people, they never even asked me anything about my bio so why should I have to ask them whatever they have in their bio. I can’t tell who’s gaslighting who or if I can even call it gas lighting then assumptions. I know I can’t always be right but how can I not be right when someone clearly indicating I’m wrong, I bet it’s mostly because there the type to be like Scorpio are master of manipulating people, I thought some people could catch on but it seems like they are one tracked mind people.

#rant

6 notes · View notes

tamlins-stories-and-poems · 2 years ago

Text

I have a few theories as to why this happened, which may help some people deconstruct why they feel the way they do about the community.

1) many younger queers (or lgbtq+ by label preference) have never met a queer adult. Partly by being closeted or their parents not admitting to knowing any, or so on.

2) a sense of control:

While I have been lucky, my agemates and juniors have what seems like a more controlling parent generation on average. We arent latchkey kids (or at least, less of us are), and our parents are able to check in with us (and check our location) through our cellphones at any time. Up until fifteen years ago that was practically pure fantasy, but now it means that sneaking around is getting even harder. Being queer is something only oneself can control. Which leads me to point 3

3) entitlement to community

Everyone is entitled to community, and one of the responsibilities of being in a community is maintaining a healthy community life! However, humans are wild and varied and often have different ideas to what that means, especially online. Lashing out and policing language is a very easy way to feel like you’re setting healthy boundaries and good examples, even (or perhaps especially) when you’re hurting someone else. See point 2 about wanting to feel in control.

4) fear of the unknown

Look. We’re human. We’re almost always going to be afraid or grossed out by new and confusing things. One of the skills I’m proudest of is the ability to reflect on whether a knee-jerk reaction to something is reasonable or if it’s just something I don’t understand. Usually I can manage to catch myself at the latter before expressing revulsion to someone who would be hurt by it. A random kid (or 20 something) finding someone new who breaks their established world view probably doesn’t have that same skill. Combined with 2&3 this leads to things like “queer is a slur” and “you can’t call yourself that” about any number of time honored terms.

5) we’ve been taught that making an honest mistake is something we can’t recover from and should be punished for.

Again: I’m lucky. My parents and their friends did their best to keep that lesson from getting its claws in me. It is still there. It still hangs over my head like a sword at a kings feast. It still whispers in my ear about how horrible I must be to forget a word and say “straight” when I meant “transphobic.” (To the guy who used to be in my girlscout group and had a crush on my cis English classmate, I am very sorry about that brainfart. Doubt you’ll see this, but still.) With this lesson of “your mistake is your own fault” surrounding us, and guilt being an emotion likely to cause people to lash out, it’s very easy to apply this to people we see. You used a word I think is a mistake, your mistake is your fault especially when you double down on the word I don’t like, and that means you’re a bad person. I don’t care that someone is giving me an explanation, that’s just excuses. This isn’t a healthy mindset, but it’s easy and familiar and familiarity seems safe.

6) elder queers are (understandably) tired. Especially the prominent ones.

It’s hard to learn when one doesn’t research, and it’s easy to be lazy. Our honorable elders have been answering the same questions or repeating the same explanations on how “no, we’ve been using/reclaiming x longer than you have been alive” for decades now. Since my generation of younger millennials first found the queer corners of the internet. When I answer the same questions repeatedly I stop feeling like there’s a point. I go from wholeheartedly wanting to be sure we’re all on the same page to going through the motions to saying “I already said that. I’m sick of saying that. Stop it.” So, like, this isn’t meant as an accusation, this is just me pointing out that it’s happening. Given most of the older queer folk ive met have constantly drained social batteries and or physical disabilities that cause chronic pain and exhaustion, it makes perfect sense that this is the case. It still means younger queers don’t find the information. It’s all there but that doesn’t mean we’ll find it.

7) lack of physical social spaces.

Re:point 2, parents can track kids via phone, combined with queer kids not having older queer friends and most known queer social spaces being gay bars, a lot of my peers simply don’t have access to interacting with the community in meatspace, or only have a small circle of agemates and maybe an older sibling or cousin (who likely booked it as soon as possible or is still closeted in particularly controlling families). Even when they do get to community spaces, like Pride, they don’t know how to integrate, to learn the established customs or even how to be friends with different generations. This is again something I have been lucky about, that I was taught how to interact with people 50+ years older than myself as an equal, or at least without one of us being In Charge of the other. My favorite hs classmates however always reacted with confusion or horror when I referred to friends I share with my parents, let alone friends my parents age who are closer to me than said parents. This is not a dynamic most kids can fathom anymore. Sitting around exchanging stories about being The Weird Kid in different decades and schools is not something any of my classmates have done, except for me, and I am saddened greatly by this.

Of course my observation is based heavily on my own scarily isolated suburb (literally some kids in my hs had never left the county in their lives), which is predominantly upper middle class white folk with parents 18-30 years older than them, 2.5 kids per family, something like 30 recognizably poc students in the entire school, and if a classmate didn’t identify as christian, odds were they were Mormon. I had maybe 5 Jewish students in my school, one other Bahá’í, and of the ~15% atheist portion of the student body probably three individuals were multi generational rather than first generation to be such, and I went to one of the larger schools around. I believe the freshman class my senior year was like 1,200? So, yes, anyways, limited observations. I can’t speak for my entire generation and our juniors, but it’s something for us all to think about before we start any new queer/lgbtq+ infighting, yeah?

i think i'm just about ready to snap and start unhinged yelling about generational neglect in the queer community

#tamlin speaks #queer

52K notes · View notes

the-faces-and-voices-in-my-head · 3 years ago

Text

A word to fandom citizens

OK...This is needed and necessary

First of all, let me remind whoever reads this that I am a content creator myself on a way bigger, scarier, popular platform than tumblr which is YouTube so whatever I will say here is my personal experience and beliefs, don't take it personally.

Content creators and content fans.

A very complicated relationship where every content creator wants the satisfaction and appreciation of the fans who follow or like what they create and if any content creator says anything different then, Sorry, you are not being honest with yourself not to mention the fans of your work. Appreciation and praise make creators happy that's a fact that cannot be hidden or denied and proved by every creator's reaction and reply to the praise they get.

This praise the creators love can make them go to extremely far limits by dedicating a long time and sincere efforts for the final result that WILL BE SHARED IN PUBLIC.

This is a confirmed fact and cannot be denied so where is the problem?

Praise cannot come without his evil twin...criticizing.

Content creators put their work in public thinking, anticipating and waiting for praise which is normal and that's including me as well but the problem here is when the criticizing comes. Creators are almost not able to take it and not even prepared to accept that it exists which is surely the creators' fault since their work can be seen and comments are enabled so it is a silent invitation to hear opinions even if they don't welcome all of the opinions but again as long as it is open then you are game...it is as simple as that.

No one can satisfy everyone and every taste but to satisfy your fans, you will come across the not-happy ones, a normal result of putting your content in public and being seen by others. I have received many comments on my work on YouTube; many of them were pointless but it showed me that i am successful and whatever i dedicate my time for is seen but honestly some negative comments taught me things i find it useful about who watches what i make...you don't see me whine and cry about it because simply it is part of the deal, I do voice acting because i love it yes but I share it on YouTube because I want to share what i love with the ones who have similar interests otherwise i would keep it on my computer for myself or disabled comments for example.

The same for all the artists and writers here, you put your content here because you want it to be seen and you want feedback otherwise it would have remained on your computer or skitch book.

Now...the most important part...feedback.

Let's agree on the fact that none of us get paid for whatever we do for fandom so get the fact that I am not paid for this so you must be grateful out of your heads. The only currency that we can use here is time, you give time to your content and you receive time watching, reading, admiring your content. no one owes anyone anything but since creators create, fans respond.

Where is the problem then?

It is fans responses of course :D

Nothing is better than appreciation and praise as I said earlier but if you expect that this is all that you will get then again sorry, you are wrong. freedom has been always a double-edged weapon. we create what we like because we are free and people comment on our work however they see it because they are free too. The difference here is the curtsy actually.

Are the fans nice enough not to point out what they don't like about our work? or do they actually think it is the right thing to do it? or they just do it for the hell of it?

Let me help a little here: If a long-term fan didn't like your work then you need to ask and understand what changed, that in case if you care about the people who gave you the attention and time.

If a newcomer came and said some mean words and left then most probably he/she didn't like your work, take it and remember it is a side effect of the same privilege of being praised by another nameless stranger.

It is that simple, your action creates a reaction, different types according to people's natures and personalities. we are free to create but they are free to respond as long as you open the door. you start a wave so you must wait for the effect and be ready for it, the surprised Picacho face won't help here.

Now, there is another important point that must be brought up.

Once a creator is stuck with the feedback they don't like, they start throwing accusations like the fans have an unhealthy obsession with fictional characters which is a HUGE CONTRADICTION...why?

Between the creator who spends hours, days, and months creating content about a fictional character and the fan who finishes all that in a minute or a day max then forgets about and lives his/her life normally, who is the actual obsessed one here?

This is fandom, it is created to make the fictional characters real and to make them a bigger part of our day than how they already are. If you ridicule that then you made fun of yourself and your work before the one who criticized you...common sense right? The fictional characters, if brought up in any other place out of fandom then yes, it is weird and unsettling but here? this is the only valid place to act upon our love and admiration and never forget that these characters and emotions many people think it is wise to ridicule are the results of someone's efforts, hopes, and creation so when you shout: chill they are not real, remind yourself first with that and stop wasting your time in this fandom that was built on the existence of these nonreal characters. I am both a creator and a fan. As a creator, I took the deal a long time ago, I create, people respond and we both learn. I learn from what I get and they learn about what I do and whether to continue following me or not, that's it. As a fan, I never hold feedback because that's what sharing in public means. The only difference here is that I never forgot that I am a fan and whenever I see the feedback I try to think as one to understand why it was written before I go emotional and personal. So to the fellow sensitive creators: creators don't want feedback? keep your content private.

To the fellow fans: creators remind you that they are free to share? remind them that you are free to comment. Do you think fictional characters are not worthy of being invested in it? fandom is not the right place for you, the reality is right there open to everyone where everything is sooooo real that will fulfill you to the max, I am there all day and I speak from real experience longer than the ages of most of the people here. Rule number 1 in fandoms: it is built on love and emotions...extreme ones to be exact so acting all logical and wise here is just....ridiculous when the creator dedicates countless days of their lives to create and deny the fans their emotional responses.

It is the price of being creative and seen by others, nothing is roses and unicorns sadly, not even in fandoms.

#levihan fandom #levihan #content creation #fans #content creator #a fan creator thoughts

19 notes · View notes

canyouhearthelight · 4 years ago

Text

The Miys, Ch. 135

I think y’all are in for a treat with this one. I won’t spoil it, though, other than to say that @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog thought this chapter was hilarious.

Think about that, please. Charly and Arthur think this chapter is hilarious.

Eyeah. That’s all I’ve got to say about that. I do not take responsibility for any injuries sustained.

As always, please don’t forget to check out the podcast! I will plug it shamelessly, so you may as well.

“Where are they?” Alistair murmured while he searched our shared office thoroughly. Had it been anyone else, I would say he was being calm, but the fact that he was searching for anything, at all, tagged it in my head as a downright frantic pace.

“Where are what?”

“Nothing,” he dismissed, despite continuing his search.

I furrowed my brows. “You haven’t even had your tea yet. Or your breakfast?”

A pale hand waved me off. “I am aware.”

Shrugging, I gave it up as a lost cause and went back to the list of evacuees that Tyche and I had drafted up. After whipping up a preliminary list of who was assigned where, we were doing a more thorough second pass to ensure no conflicts of personality. Deep in thought, I paid Alistair no attention until Parvati and Hannah arrived fifteen minutes later.

“Alistair, they aren’t here, so you can stop looking,” Hannah grinned as she took her accustomed seat.

“I am sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“Surrrrre you don’t. Just like I’m sure you don’t know why several of the paint pens ran out of pigment,” Parvati assured him in the most sincere tone I had ever heard. My former therapist would have been proud.

I fought back a smile as he straightened and finally stopped his search, even going so far as to tug his shirt to get any wrinkles out. “I know no such thing.” With that, he turned his back to all three of our snickering faces, requesting his usual tea and scone from the food console.

Composing my face, I tried to be serious for a minute. “You should eat fast, because our appointment with Arthur Farro is in about fi - “

My door whooshed open. Speak of the devil.

“ - ve minutes early, apparently,” I finished.

Unperturbed as usual, the subject of my previous suggestion strolled in with his usual air of confidence. Just as he was going to take a seat beside Parvati, he leaned across the table. “Aww, no kiwi or pomegranate on your clotted cream this morning? Poor fing,” he said with a mocking pout.

“I am baffled why everyone believes such things of me,” Alistair grumbled into his tea with a scowl.

I sputtered. “You were using the pens on your breakfast?”

He didn’t even bother denying the chorus of confirmations from those around him, taking the higher road of sudden deafness. “Farro, I am still not entirely sure why a former warlord is necessary for discussions of an evacuation plan.”

“Warlords are generally just berserkers if they don’t have anyone to be ‘lord’ of.” Farro shot a dazzling smile as I supressed a groan. “But then again, being British, I’m sure you got confused, what with all the lords that were there in the last century without even land to their names.”

It really was easier sometimes to do things without either of them. Time to step in. “Gentlemen,” I purred in my most annoyingly ‘motivational’ tone possible, “the bathroom is right through that door, if you would like to continue your pissing contest. However, some of us have actual work to do, so whether you fuck it out or fight it out, please do so on your own time.”

Both mouths shut with an audible click, and both men looked away from me. But at least they were quiet. Sophia: 1, Whatever-the-hell-this-was: 0.

I forged ahead while I had the chance. “Arthur, thank you for taking time to meet with us regarding the plans for fortifying the safety points. I’m sorry that Tyche couldn’t be here, however she scheduled her stay-cation several months ago and frankly deserves it.” By which I meant I had bribed Derek with a nauseating amount of bao to disable any communications to or from this office from going to her data pad until the start of her first shift post-vacation, and threatened my entire family within an inch of their lives to keep them from bringing up work around her for the next week. “However, I do have her concerns and suggestions ready, I assure you.”

With a scowl, he glanced at me and stood, calling up the emitter-map of the Ark. Quickly, he sketch circles around each of the ‘bunkers’ we had designated. “Xiomara had very sound judgement in the locations she chose for safe-zones, and I honestly expected it. Between her and Evania, there is a frankly terrifying amount of strategic prowess in what is theoretically our Health and Safety office.”

“You can’t be healthy or safe if you’re dead,” Hannah pointed out.

He tossed her a wink and grin. “Touche. However, none of them are perfect. This location,” he leaned to tap and zoom on a mess hall, “is fortified, has access to food and drink, even if you have to furiously call up non-perishables and potable water, and only has one entrance/egress. A huge entry/egress, unfortunately: the door is ten meters wide.”

Parvati tapped a couple times on her datapad before chiming in. “It does close, however. And it locks.”

Arthur shook his head. “In two panels, each five meters wide. If even one is blown, the gap is indefensible. Both, everyone in there is free for the taking.”

“You are suggesting we ask Miys to narrow the aperture of the door?” I groaned when I heard Alistair leverage his overly-formal language.

It didn’t get any better when Arthur nodded. “Worst they can say is no, but the size of the door is simply for ease of access and to assuage anyone with proximity issues. Now that we all have these handy alerts - “ he tapped his temple for emphasis “ - it isn’t nearly as necessary. Noah? Bud? What do you think?”

The buzz from the ceiling was clearly amused. “I am amenable if this is a solution. As Arthur pointed out, the width of that door is no longer necessary.”

“Annnd there we go,” Arthur shrugged. “The boatwright said yes, if that’s what we want.”

My jaw nearly hit the floor when Alistair nodded firmly and stood. Swiftly, he highlighted three more areas. “These have the same potential concern. We should include those in the proposal.”

‘We’? ‘We’ whomst??? Since when were they on the same side?

“I agree,” Arthur continued enthusiastically, causing my head to start twinging in pain. “According to the engineers and the chemisists on board, the material of the Ark is remarkably fire-retardant despite it’s organic nature - let’s hear it for advanced civilizations - so there is no additional need for fire doors. There is however a possibility of concussive damage to the actual doors in any area, despite how thick the actual walls are.”

“Tyche recommended shock-absorbent material on the exteriors of each door, dropped via internal trigger and held taught by wires rather than any sort of scaffolding,” I suggested, recovering my focus. I flicked the concept at the emitter, where it was displayed alongside the schematic of the Ark. “Using wires would allow us to also store it in a roll at the top of the door, and allow pulleys to draw the wires embedded in the bulkhead down to cover the entire door.”

Hannah nodded thoughtfully. “The materials she suggests are a good idea - definitely maximizes shock absorption as much as possible. My only concern is that we can probably double the flame resistance of the materials for only a ten-percent loss of effectiveness.”

Calling up my datapad, I smiled as I quoted. “ ‘However, Hannah is a professional weaver and seamstress, and therefore I defer to her on any suggestions regarding materials used, provided there is no more than twenty-percent loss of efficacy’. Apparently she did the calculations and had Charly and Conor both check behind her - anything below twenty percent loss, and the blast would blow the doors.”

“And when did the more sensible Miss Reid learn engineering?” Alistair asked in what sounded like genuine curiosity.

“Tuesdays - I think?” I scrunched my face and searched my memory. “It was something very important when we were cosplaying.”

Arthur snorted, but gestured an apology when Alistair affixed him with a downright lethal glare.

Hannah ignored them both. “Wool… We should be able to synthesize raw wool, instead of the plant based materials here. Best of both worlds - fluffy, incredibly flame resistant, and disperses concussive force like nothing else. Line it with silk for shrapnel? We should be good.”

“Fortress defense via quilts. I like it,” Arthur grinned savagely.

“There is a reason tapestries were so important in the Middle Ages,” Alistair snarked at him. “Both flame resistant and insulating, both very good qualities when you see by torches and candles in a drafty residence that echoes like a cathedral.”

Arthur held his hands up in surrender. “Not arguing, no worries… Genuine respect, swear.”

“Better…”

“Annnnd forging on from whatever-the-fuck-that-was,” I interjected, trying to focus on the topic at hand rather than… well, whatever the fuck that was, “That’s overlarge entries and concussive force taken care of. What other concerns did you have, Arthur?”

“Frankly? Camouflage,” he told us sternly. “The best way to protect against an invading enemy is to make it so hard to find you that it isn’t worth the effort. All these defenses are good an all, but… they’ll stick out like a sore thumb and practically scream ‘Hey! We’re in HERE!’ “ I stifled a laugh when he hopped and waved his arms furiously.

“Very dignified, Farro,” Alistair sniffed as he stood to get more tea.

“I know, right? I’m so classy…”

Rolling my eyes and still regretting having them both in my office at the same time, “We actually have the camouflage solved for.” You could have heard a pin drop, all four of them frozen, mouths open. “It came through this morning from Zach.” I swiped the fortress-quilt specs down, and popped up the plans for the camouflage. “We’re thinking on the visible spectrum, since humans are sight animals. Zach went with a ‘most common denominator’ approach - scent, infrared, acoustic, everything but electromagnetic vision. The quilts cover the infrared and the majority of the acoustic issues: if any body-heat shows through fifteen inches of fluffed wool and a bulkhead door, we’re doomed no matter what.” I highlighted a line of data. “Scent, likewise: Zach is suggesting aeresolized, low concentration sulfur throughout the majority of the Ark, excluding the safe-zones. The safe-zones will also have one of Miys stationed in each one, acting essentially as an air scrubber. This will minimize acoustics from active air filtration, while also adhering to Miys being a non-participant: they will be present to ensure our comfort due to minimizing body odor, nothing more. This was already planned, the fact that it will protect us from being detected by scent is just a lagniappe.”

I waited for the thoughtful nods to pass and decided I did not see the glance that Arthur and Alistair exchanged. As long as they didn’t draw blood during the meeting, I would let it slide. “Where it gets sticky is neuroelectric. Zach, it seems, took a page out of Charly’s manual-of-mischief.” I zoomed in on the specific line of the prospectus and waited.

“He wants to what?” Hannah asked, incredulous. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh I like this,” came the ‘devil’ in ‘devil’s advocate’.

“How would it even work?” Parvati asked, genuinely curious.

I chose that one to respond to. “Just like the microfilament wires that will support the quilts, he wants to cover the walls inside several false locations with a mesh and electrify it to mimic human synaptic energy. Needle in a haystack theory.”

“Wait,” Alistair held up a hand to interrupt. “Are you also proposing that the doors to these false locations will be covered in the quilts?”

“Absolutely,” I confirmed. “Given how far from prospective entry points all of the safe-zones are located, they would run into several false locations before they encounter a real one.”

“And if they decide to tear into all the locations, even the false-positives?” Arthur poked, trying to find a hole in the idea. Which, I had to concede, was why he was even here instead of sending me messages for this.

“What if they decide to tear into every mess hall? Or every door? We can’t plan for everything.” I shook my head. “However, we can factor in a few things that seem pretty consistent despite species - Beings who don’t have legitimate work and take slaves are generally prone to laziness, despite somehow working harder to avoid work than I have ever actually worked a day in my life. Point being, give them enough false positives on the way, they won’t actually search everything no matter what they say.”

“Speculation and hearsay, not admissible in court.”

“Au contraire, mon frère. Charly did the sociological analysis on all the species most likely to be pirates in the region of the galaxy where we will exit relativistic space, and her estimates are that the plan has a sixty-to-eighty-percent chance of success in the event that all human combatants fail. And I, personally, agree.”

He conceded a low whistle. “Damn. If I didn’t like Evan so much, I would say Charly is being wasted with Huynh. Objection withdrawn.”

“Quite,” Alistair agreed smugly. “Miss Harper’s plan is a sound one. The Archives, however - “

I interrupted, still irritated about the topic. “You will be stationed immediately inside the doors to defend against any intruders who make it that far, while Tyche will be defending the y-junction between the speculative fiction and historical fiction categories to prevent intruders from reaching the actual people.”

“But the religious studies section - “

“Has already been scanned down to a molecular level to preserve the information, even if we can’t restore any actual artifacts,” Parvati advised in a profoundly bored tone. “You do realize that anyone who reaches that section will not be able to reach the actual people from there without doubling back, right?”

“Miss Fletcher, there is a Gutenberg Bible on this Ark, potentially the last one in existence.” The tone was icy enough to send a shiver down my spine.

“Phee,” Arthur threw out, guaranteeing my irate attention, “Is there any issue with moving the Gutenberg to the Speculative Fiction section until we meet with the Ekomari fleet?”

“Are you seri - “

“Not to placate the Monarchist, I swear. Just - that is a profoundly important historical artifact, even if I agree with nearly none of the contents. The start of the Information age! Literature in the hands of the vulgar masses! Your field of study would have never existed in the form it was without that achievement. Who cares if the first use was to print the frickin’ Bible?”

Before I could object, Parvati added her prodigious two cents. “I do not have to be Christian to appreciate the illuminations in a manuscript, any more than I have to be a Muslim to be brought to my knees by the beauty of a mosque. We can appreciate the significance of something regardless of whether we agree with it or not.”

“This is probably where Charly or Tyche would point out that I am a huge fan of laws against animal abuse, despite firmly believing that Hitler was evil incarnate,” I sighed. “Yeah, we can move the Gutenberg Bible, provided - hang on, stop cheering - PROVIDED - “ I paused to make sure they were all paying attention, “that any other works of significant cultural or historical significance are moved as well. Any first additions, significant religious texts - or in lack of ‘significant’ religious texts, just a copy of each that is agreed to be acceptable by all who follow that religion. A copy of Frankenstein, The Tale of Genji, et cetera.”

I knew my request brooked exactly zero argument from Alistair, as his eyes visibly shone when I added more books to the list. What I waited for were any objections from the other three.

Sure enough, Hannah tentatively raised her hand. When I nodded, she spoke up. “I think we should do a kind of Voyager-plate: a copy, even just digital, of all our texts around music, crafts, technology, mathematics… Art, fermentation, food preparation and the history of it. Not just for this scenario!” she insisted urgently, “For any worst-case scenario. Keep a copy, or several. And put those copies, along with all the relevant artifacts that we have on board, and keep them with the people in the Archives, in the safest part of the ship.”

“Where it would take a black hole to destroy it,” Parvati whispered.

Just as the tears were threatening my eyes, Arthur flopped back in his seat and kicked his boots up onto the table. “Jesus fuck, you guys are depressing. Right, but depressing. It’s doable, though. We just transcribe it into the most common language for each version of ‘language’ in the Galaxy…”

Alistair snorted. “You warlords and your short-sightedness. Clearly, the resolution is to transcribe it into the most common language in the Galaxy with instructions on how to translate it further down.”

“No, you limey-ass bastard,” Arthur growled. “Too much is lost in translation - there is a reason the Qur’an and the Sefer Torah should never be translated to be considered valid.”

Nope. I wasn’t dealing with it. We had covered all the necessary topics, I could message the rest. I twitch my head at both Vati and Hannah, at which point they both rose from their seats. Neither was noticed by the arguing men.

Arthur was mid-sentence when a quick strike from Vati to the top of his spinal cord rendered all his words gibberish. Rather than realizing this, he glanced down at his suddenly-tingling fingertips in confusion. Hannah simply hauled Alistair out of his seat and ignored his squawked objections, her shorter but sturdier frame more than a match for his tall, slender frame and brain that was very much against violence towards women but undecided about how to stop them from chauffeuring you out of a room.

With exactly zero ceremony, both men were deposited in the corridor, to the satisfaction of all three of us. I waggled my fingers in a farewell. “Fuck it out or fight it out, I don’t care. But not in my office. Ta!”

I could not hold back the smile anymore when both started pounding on the door for entry, not realizing I had disabled their permissions right after the first volley had been thrown. It was almost habit, at this point, to disable their permissions to my office when they started bickering, only to restore them when they decided to act like adults.

Clearly that wasn’t the case this time. Oh well, maybe in a couple hours. I would need to ask Xiomara to do a ‘sensor test’ of the gym and med bays to be sure.

<< Prev Masterlist Next >>

#the miys #found family #humans are weird #science fiction #aliens #apocalypse #humans are space orcs #humans are space fae #earth is space australia #post apocalypse #post post apocalypse #original science fiction #original sci fi #original writing

49 notes · View notes

timemachineyeah · 2 years ago

Text

Rina has one of my favorite storylines for any autistic character in media. I adore her so much.

But. The thing is, I don’t think they made Rina autistic on purpose. Like, she reads that way so clearly and has been so fully embraced by the autistic community, but her neurodivergence has never been canonically confirmed. It’s easy to forget it’s fanon, but technically it is.

I think it was just a law of large numbers thing. Make enough girls and eventually some are going to be good representation by accident. Like, they thought they were doing a quirky character design with the Rina-chan Board and to justify it narratively accidentally made an autistic icon.

God I love her though. Best girl.

But they still should be doing better. There isn’t even an idol who wears glasses when she sings. Setsuna wears them Clark Kent style when she’s leading a double life as an idol and student body president, but only in her Professional Not Idol persona. And since she’s stopped the double life she’s also stopped wearing glasses.

Meanwhile in the real world, her voice actress is having to retire from the role and Setsuna is being recast because Tomoriru has EDS and physically cannot manage the dancing for the live shows. I feel like if you have a real life disabled idol in your midst, then isn’t that a sign maybe you could make some disabled idols for your anime game? Doesn’t that go to show idols can be disabled? Even if you don’t want to go that route with the character Setsuna - this shows there are talents out there who might want to do a show sitting down, so maybe making characters that would let them have roles would be a win for everyone?

And there are dark skinned people who have lived in Japan for as long as there’s been a Japan. And they have immigrant characters all the time, so it is notable that they’re still always white or a light East Asian. And not everyone is thin! And some people have curly hair! Even in Japan!

I agree I don’t think it’s malicious. I think it’s unthinking. I do think it’s the kind of deeply entrenched bigotry that is so pervasive as to be invisible to the people perpetuating it. But that doesn’t do anything to make it better. If anything, that they could be so consistently colorist and sizeist and ableist for so long without trying is worse. Like how many times in a row do you have to think up a new girl before the idea of not making her thin and pale occurs to you?

I have said multiple times before re: anime idols, “No one tell Disney about this.” And I feel like my reasons for that should be obvious. But I do think there is a world where Disney or Hasbro or Mattel or someone gives the model a go in North America, but with a more conscious effort at diversity (not necessarily out of a commitment to the ideal, but because they see money in it) and if we were lucky enough to have the right person in charge, it could become a… well. It’d still be a blatant cash grab. But it could be a blatant cash grab I have fewer complaints about.

There is something about things like Love Live! or Monster High or My Little Pony where I feel like - I maybe appreciate the open honesty of the blatant cash grab sometimes? Turning a product into a story maybe feels more fun than turning a story into a product.

This went off on a tangent. The point is: god I would love something that is basically an idol anime gacha format but less homogeneous in its character designs. Also I am Love Live! hell. I really enjoy this weird franchise. I wanna dissect it like a frog. I wanna let the music videos run like cocomelon. I want bizarre statistics about the lyrics. Why am I like this.

I enjoy Love Live! and am weirdly invested in its blatant merchandise and micro-transaction money printing scheme (even if I don’t play the games - might start when the new ones come out) but all their characters being pale and thin was dubious when there were nine anime idols in the franchise. Now that there are… 50? 100? depending on how you count? it’s absolutely egregious.

#timemachine wuz here #love live!

24 notes · View notes

couldyouspeakmyname · 3 years ago

Note

OK I HAVE A BEASTARS OC AND I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT: (you don’t have to answer if you don’t feel like it, kind of just dumping information for myself and maybe you to share with other people /gen )

(Template made by Mandy on Amino, go check them out :) )

Also, I tried to make this so that there was other canon character, but I realized that I had so many oc’s I might as well make a new kind of universe following the beastars world-building stuff

So basically a fancy furry world but the world-building is based on Beastars

I apologize in advance for the spelling (I didn’t check/edit this :p) and also the long form (I like details lol)

BASIC INFORMATION

Full name: Cecelia Aksha Brown

Pronunciation: Cecelia (s-E-s-e-l-E-a) Aksha (pronounced how it’s spelled) Brown (B-r-ow-n)

Nickname(s) or Alias: Blind One (Given by Doctor Cato, her doctor), Lead vocalist of Athaza (Given by fans), Cece (Given by Naomi, a friend), Dead Legs (Given by Emily, the lead vocalist in the rival band)

Band Name: Athaza

Reason for band name: Cece originally wanted to name her band based off of a phobia she had, so she searched up her greatest fear (the fear of being forgetting, being forgotten, ignored, and/or replaced) and found out that the world was Athazagoraphobia. And that was like a really, really long word (both for her and me, the author, to write down) so she chose to shorten it to Athaza.

Gender: female

Species: Black Tiger

Age: 28

Birthday: September 1st

Sexuality: pansexual, poly, asexual

Religion: Atheist

City or town of birth: Belgum

Currently lives: Belgum (although she hardly even goes home, with her work being on the move and all, it is hard for her to get a break and relax in her own home.)

Languages spoken: Japanese

Native language: English

Relationship Status: single and happy about it (she doesn’t have time for a relationship when she is always on the move, and with her job, she just won’t have time to take care of someone else when she can barely take care of herself)

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: body length is 4’5, shoulder height is 31 inches, tail length is 24 inches

Weight: 220

Figure/build: she is very small and tiny for a tiger (being the smallest measurements that a tiger can be at). Her eyes tend to be more rounded and bigger then most tiger’s.

Hair color: she dyed her hair a split dye, half a dark and almost dusty blue and the other half black (left half dusty blue and right half black)

Hairstyle: ummm, idk how to describe it but like the Levi styled hair

Facial Hairstyle: N/A

Eye color: electric blue

Skin/fur/etc color: she has a white base color with black stripes, ears, shape on chest that looks like a broken heart, and tail-tip

Tattoos: she has the words “heaven“ written on her knee, and a tongue piercing of a pentagram

Piercings: double piercings and a tongue piecing in the middle of the pentagram

Scars/distinguishing marks: she has a long light pink scar running up the left side of her leg (and she still can’t walk that good on her last leg, causing her to limp), and her right eye has a long scar running down it and she is blinded on that side

Preferred style of clothing: alternative

Frequently worn jewellery/accessories: lots of silver rings

HEALTH

Smoker?Drinker?Recreational Drug User? Which?Addictions: N/A (she doesn’t have any addictions, although she might drink from time-to-time. She doesn’t mind other people doing those things around her)

Allergies: pollen

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: she can never walk on her left leg again and she is half blind in her right eye

Any medication regularly taken: N/A

PERSONALITY

Personality: funny, smart, protective, loyal, patient, clumsy, fearful, childish, disorganized, and forgetful

Likes: flowers, bee’s, singing, and playing Instruments

Dislikes: arguments, spoiled brats, discrimination (as she should), and sour foods (she has a sweet tooth)

Fears/phobias: Athazagoraphobia

Favorite color: gray, black, dark purple, brown

Hobbies: singing to music, listening to music, picking flowers

Taste in music: she is the lead vocalist to a scream rock band, however, she likes listening folk music more

SKILLS

Talents/skills: she can sing well and learn instruments quickly

Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles?: she can drive a care and that is pretty much it (although she doesn’t usually need to drive a car since her band is on tour 99% of the time and they have a driver to take them places)

EATING HABITS

Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore (Vegetarian): carnivore

Favourite food(s): steak

Favorite drink(s): Monster Energy and coffee

Disliked food(s): insects

Disliked drink(s): tea

HOUSE AND HOME

Describe the character's house/home: she has a pretty large home, the house is hidden deep in the forest and is mostly covered by the tree’s.

Do they share their home with anyone? Who?: She shares the house with he rest of her band

Significant/special belongings: a picture of her parents

CAREER

Level of education: high

Qualifications: singer

Current job title and description: lead vocalist in band

COMBAT

Peaceful or aggressive attitude?: peaceful, she hates getting into fights with people

Fighting skills/techniques: she has her claws and her teeth (also carries a taser, just in case,)

Special skills/magical powers/etc: N/A

Weapon of choice (if any): taser

Weaknesses in combat: she is very slow and not skilled in combat

Strengths in combat: she is impulsive and that usually benefits her

FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES

Parents names: Chanda (Mother), Sarendar (Father)

Are parents alive or dead?: dead (died by some unknown prisoners killing them in jail)

Partner/Spouse: N/A

Children: she can barely take care of herself, what makes you think she can take care of a living, breathing, child that does nothing but cry?

Best Friend: Galen (best friend, convinced her to start the band, drum player in band), Naomi (enemies turned friends, joined the band shortly after it formed, lead guitarist)

Other Important Friends: Khalo (band member, back up vocalist), Futun (band member, second drum player), Bilwa (band member, any other position that needs to be filled in),

Acquaintances: Davi (driver for the band), Doctor Cato (his doctor for years)

Pets: Root (a yellow tabby cat)

Enemies?: Emily

Why are they enemies?: they are in rival band‘s, and also Emily makes fun of Cece for being half blind and having a limp

BACKSTORY

Describe their childhood (newborn - age 10):

She had a normal childhood (as normal as a main character’s childhood can get that is). Her parents nearly forced her to join their religion but Cece refused. Soon they argued almost every day, some days is was about grades, some days it was about religion, while others it was about her sexuality.

Describe their teenage years (11 - 19):

The arguments got so bad that she couldn’t bare it any longer, the moment she turned eighteen she ran away from her parents house and went to her friends house (Galen). Soon the two of them formed a band.

Describe their adult:

Once the band got kind of popular, she was living her best life. So she chose to forgive her parents for what they did to her. She went over to their house for Thanksgiving, her parents asked if she could spend the night. Cede was happy to (seeing how she didn’t see her parents in so many years). While Cece was sleeping her Mother got some water and boiled it, adding some sugar and waitI got 15 minutes for it to cook. Once it was done, her Mother poured the boiling water on her own daughter. Cece screamed from the pain, once her Father heard her screams he rushed into her room and called 911. Cece was admitted into the hospital with burns across her legs, arms, and face. The sugar made the burns extra hard to get off and Cece spent multiple weeks in the hospital. Her Father was found guilty of letting her Mother attempt to murder Cece and Cece’s Mother was found guilty of attempting to kill her own daughter. They both got time in jail together, in the jail cell every prison found out what they did and some unknown prisoners beat up Cece’s mother and Father. Cece was left with a blinded eyes and a leg that was doomed to never work the rest of her life

That sounds fun!! I'm assuming it's kind of an AU then?

Also, it's a real shame more characters in Beastars don't dye their fur. It could be fun, but then again...it'd be difficult?

-Maeve

#long post #sorry I can't put this under cut #I love ocs though #this could be fun to do but it's not exactly the kind of format I personally like for my ocs #but it's a nice general one!!#tongue piercing's are fun #I want one...and a lip piercing...#I also want more in my ears #I just want to be a metal detectors worst nightmare tbh

6 notes · View notes