#WHO IS GONNA WRITE THE FUCKING FIC. ANY OTHER FANDOM THAT WOULD BE EASY TO FIND. WTF

[rotisseries]

the age old "two cakes" mantra of fandom creation is so true in that genuinely you should not worry about doing what someone else has already done because your take on the same ideas is valuable anyway but I do so hate when all of a fandom's popular content is sort of the same thing. its like going to a bake sale and everyone brought a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. it's so good, but I can only eat so much cake. the frosting is getting to be too much in my mouth. I just want someone's homemade specialty cookies

[lennadanvers]

oh my gosh, your writing is so great -- thank you for sharing! if you're taking requests, would you consider something featuring simon and a christian reader? (honestly, i'm really glad that there's a longfic writer in the fandom who doesn't focus on nsfw scenarios. the 'delirium' section in your masterlist is a really cute addition that i personally haven't seen before, and i'm older than you are. haha sorry for rambling, thanks again! <3)

Hi! I’m glad you enjoy my work!

I'm gonna be honest; I wrote a whole paragraph about nsfw-centered fics and what I think about them, and ended up deleting it bc it wasn't the point at all. It's too easy for me to start rambling sometimes. In short, I'm not in the mood to read nsfw sometimes, and I wish there were more sfw fanfics, so that's what I usually write.

Let me warn you, I’m not an expert in any religion, so there can be mistakes here (and this is kinda (very) nonspecific). I did my best though. Also, sorry it took me so fucking long. Hope you like it!

Mercy

Ghost doesn’t believe in your God.

Maybe Simon once did. He’s not sure. How could he, after everything he’s gone through? If he had any faith inside him, it should have survived. If a God like that existed, they should have helped him.

But there’s no faith left in him, and he hasn’t been helped by any God.

He knows only one pair of hands that are holy. Only one forgiveness he’d spend this life- and any other- seeking. Only one name he mutters before falling asleep. There is only one place he goes to every Sunday, and one face he wants to see when he dies.

Yours.

Maybe he does believe in god -he believes in you, after all.

He’s seen you pray. You close your eyes, sometimes move your mouth without talking, the words taking possession of your lips. It’s the same when he mouths “I love you” under the mask, in the shadows. He thinks your God hears you the same way you hear him: you don’t, but you know.

He's noticed how you pat the cross hanging around your chest when you need support. When Ghost is about to jump into a storm of bullets, when Johnny is messing with a suspicious wire, when he’s only got one magazine left… He pats his chest: the heart beating inside is yours.

He’s gone with you to church. You keep quiet when you’re there, reverential for the sacred atmosphere. When Simon is at your house, he doesn’t talk much either. He bows at the pictures on your walls, though, a savior depicted in all your glory.

He knows when you’re scared, you ask your God for protection. When he was injured in battle, the only thing he thought about was you. The only one at the hospital, the only one tending to his wounds for months, the only one.

Ghost doesn’t believe in God. He does, however, worship you. That’s why he’s standing at the altar, looking at you in your white dress. He is a religious man, after all. A devotee. One to whom you’ve granted entry to Heaven, now that you’re saying yes. One that is loved, even with blood under his nails and gunpowder deep in his pores.

Ghost is a sinner that’s been forgiven before even asking. A coarse attempt at being like you; so pure, good and loving. You let him kneel before you once, a ring in his trembling hand; you took him. You put one on his finger, a gift he’ll never be able to repay, but that he’s infinitely thankful for. He’s not perfect, he’ll never be; and he knows. But he’s doing his best, and you know that. So you kiss him as if he were.

When you leave church -hand in his, husband and wife- he speaks to your God for the first and only time. Says only two words.

Thank you.

[infernothechaosgod]

you know it truly amazes me how you can't do practicly anything on tiktok or search the thing you like without getting absolutley shat on

Like I'm feeling a little in the mood for rottmnt angst A lil bit of that kick in the gut, and I can't go 3 minutes without one of those made in 5 minutes max videos that's just background video and text over it Saying shit like "Yall need to stop with the rottmnt angst it's getting annoying" or "the rottmnt angst artist need to chill out" or even better "The rottmnt fandom needs to stop the angst it's just a show for kids"

First off, if angst isn't your thing, you can block it or just scroll pass it OR you know what if youre feeling like a little shit you can hate read it or whatever but keep the comments TO YOURSELF

Second off I checked what the content of most of these people is And it's always goddamn always those 10 second background videos with text over it

nothing more

I dare these people to even try to draw the shape of leo's head, or write out something more than 40 words I accualy dare them. do it.

Also the same goes for shipping over there

Let's say you see a legal completly normal ship you don't like Example let's say leo x usagi or raph x mona

What you wanna do is scroll or block it

NOT make up info to make others stop shipping it, I'm sick and tired of people non stop saying that usagi or mona are adults or that their entire characters are being love intrest in the fandom's eyes Because if you look at any of the fanfic's or fan content of those Yeah it's easy to find content where there love intrest's but it is hard to find content where there ONLY love intrest

People love mona so much for the fact that she's a badass warrior who loves her planet and people they often give her more backstory focused stories that explore how she would feel depending on where the writers story will go or already went, I have never seen anyone maker her just a typical love intrest (witch honestly suprised me)

Usagi? People have more free will with his interpretation's so he has many many diffrent faces backstories, personalities but often people make him focused on something in their stories, examples being, getting back home, protecting others, getting over something, fighting in battle nexus and exploring how it would be Etc. Etc. That mixed with being a love intrest

The only times when these two can be seen as just love intrest and nothing more is in

Edit's/tiktok content where everything is short af (and even then sometimes people give em backstories and their own lore it really amazes me sometimes lmao)

short (usualy) tagged as fluff without plot fics on ao3 (witch you can litellary tag out SO easily)

Little comics/some art pices That HAVE VERY STORT LIMITS

also this might suprise you it really might but DRAWING IS HARD AND TAKES ALOT OF TIME SAME GOES FOR MAKING THE IDEA UP

And when it comes to their ages we all know there not adults, littelary where did anyone mention mona being an aduly ever, and the only times when usagi and leo accualy interact is when there in similiar if not the same ages

(in 2003 usagi and leo are close friends and Both teens, in the early comics there both adults when they first meet, even in 1987 version there both shown to be close if not the same age, the ONLY TIME where leo and usagi have very diffrent ages is in 2012 and honestly i have a little theory on why specificly that version had them be you know that but that's for another post)

Seriously what the fuck is tiktok's problem with any form of fanon content? You want the fandom to die? It aint gonna happen, you either get used to some bad stuff existing there and there and ignoring it (reporting then ignoring it if it's really bad) OR you keep quiet OR you will get banned by alot of creators after crying in their comments, then cry when you can't find something they made anymore

Tiktok man, good for daydreaming to the sounds, looking at edits and for some art trends but litellary can't let anything else exist on there or else you'll explode

(Also I bet if some of the fanon angst made it to the accual show they would deepthroat that shit right up and call it writing of ceuntry)

[gg-selvish]

recovering from parasocialism, the ideal of a faceless man, and a heaping tablespoon of comphet within lesbianism

my name is tender, and i'm a multishipper who writes self-indulgence. as of december 31st i will have been posting fic for dteam-adjacent for three years with very few breaks, and a lot has happened in that time. i've been harassed and cancelled multiple times, chased into priv twitter, and now my last remaining public account is starting to get swarmed over something recent that i believe is a pretty simple misunderstanding that i would like to clear up. i've been alluding to it vaguely and it's partially my fault because my word choice implied things about the timeline that lead people to draw negative conclusions about me. but we're gonna fix that now.

dream is my least favourite member of dtk, but in the beginning he was my #1 favourite. i went corpse -> dream -> dnf -> george -> knf for my favourite ccs and i feel like it's pretty normal for stuff like that to switch around, but the way dream and i were previously attached and the way that attachment broke was pretty interesting but i also don't think it was that unfathomable. and firstly, for people who won't extend this post: it had nothing to do with the drituation. i say 'about a year ago / over a year ago' and people's minds go to the drituation / drexit but it wasn't that for me that broke my parasocialism to dream, it was the face reveal itself.

i am a lesbian and i've been a lesbian for a long time. i also love mlm content as evidenced by the fic i read and write and that's also always been an aspect of my life to the point where in my formative years i identified as an mlm trans man because i didn't want to get called a fujoshi. but i don't like men and i know that now. however, i have a nasty, nasty case of comphet. unattainable men to me are a safe and comfortable way to explore attachment to men because in my life i've never really had a positive experience of being friends with or dating a man. early dtk was like a pipedream to me and i think that's why i got so deep into it. discord podcasts and alt streams felt like private calls with friends and they were men in a distant and safe way so i was excited to feel apart of that (partially due to my own genderfuckery and gender envy but that's not what this about).

dream especially. it was dangerously easy to get into dream in 2020/2021 because he was so equally parasocial it fed into a relationship that felt like equivalent exchange and i got deep in it. self-ship daydreams and fantasies i turned into fic and basically dating this idealized faceless man in my head for a year and a half or some shit because he made me feel so safe and comfortable the way he makes a lot of people feel.

but i was scared of the face reveal always. when it comes to me developping comphet attachment i usually am introduced to the man as himself, and determine whether i like him or not and then either cling or drop. like george was genetically engineered in a lab for me to fixate on, same with karl, but dream in his faceless and parasocial era was another fucking level. and i fucking dreaded the face reveal because i knew the second i saw his face the magic would break and i would realize he's a man and that would make me uncomfortable.

dream has said before that 'dream' the persona can be gender neutral, any gender, anyone, and i really believe that. faceless dream was this magical and perfect person who i really loved deeply and found so much comfort in. and with the other male ccs it was easy to remind myself 'be careful, these are men', but dream didn't feel like a man, he felt like a soft voice who was there for me and a character i enjoyed exploring in fic.

the way i got into this fandom was also different, i was never in it for the content. i wasn't really watching streams or vods, i got into it via a heat waves tiktok, binged fic, and lived off of clips, youtube videos, highlight reals, and fan content. that's just how i approach most fandom spaces. hell, when i was into voltron i watched the first 3 seasons, got bored, and read a shitton of klance fic with my scraps of lore and was perfectly content. i have never indulged in fandom including rpf fandom for the people creating the source, i love the fan content and the easy to digest stuff. i don't really watch movies or tv shows, i read books or write stories or watch longer youtube videos.

so we're building up to the face reveal. everyone's so hyped and i'm excited too but i'm also bracing myself because i know my heart's gonna break and it's out of everyone's control and i just didn't talk about it because it was weird and might kill the vibe. the face reveal happened. i saw him. i processed him in my head as 'this man is dream', and my heart broke a bit.

dream has always been handsome, he's still kind and smart and the least funny of his friends. nothing about him changed besides my perception of him. but that's the point i'm trying to make with this: parasocial relationships can snap like a twig in a very one-sided way. but in this case it was a bit equal again just like our dynamic before. because as i was recovering from the face reveal and meetup vlog and sad about this 'break up' i was going through that was so stupid in my head (i literally looped a taylor swift song about it it was a break up.) the drituation hit and i was really turned around. my deep love for dream was gone already, i just had lingering fondness and empathy, and then the allegations scared me really badly. i absorbed the evidence and believed dream was likely innocent but i decided that between my loss of parasocial attachment and this new grey-area of morality i was just going to distance myself. not to mention by this time it was late 2022 and i had been harrassed and cancelled by dream stans more times than i can remember so i was pretty comfortable moving away from dream.

then he made himself smaller, and wasn't really around much. it was easy to get over a lot of the parasocial feelings because he didn't really give it back anymore, so then the interest just wasn't there. and there was so much constant negativity i just didn't want to be involved. but even after all of this and wasn't really into him as a content creator i have never stopped having empathy for him. dream is a human being and i think both stans and antis forget that because i've always been displeased with what i've seen on both sides and aligned myself with neutrality. but the internet doesn't really seem to allow for that, so antis think i'm a stan and stans think i'm an anti. and most people just hate me in general. do you see why it's hard for me to be here? and it's not anything dream has done so i don't hold anything against him. we just broke up. i've never said 'i hate dream' or even really 'i don't like dream' i just don't really care about his content anymore and that's, like, super normal.

but why do i write about him? well, as i prefaced this and as is in my pinned post, i don't write fanfiction the way other people do. i write self-indulgence that's chock full of projection and weird niche stuff and heavy themes. and most people don't like my fic, but the readers i have love it and give me a lot of positive feedback, so with my passion for the hobby of writing, my familiarity with the dnkn dynamics i have established in my 'cinematic universe', and positive feedback for creating only art i want to create instead of clinging to realism and making sure no one's feelings are hurt, i just make art that makes me happy. sure, if i need a bad guy it's been dream a lot, but it's also been george and karl. my comment about doing him dirty in fic was fucking. starting hush hush with a dnf break up and having knf fuck in his bed in a college au. it was so not that serious and it bothers me people assumed i was writing harmful content to take out some weird hateboner on a guy i used to love. that's not me, dude, i'm 26 years old. if i don't like someone it's easy for me to drop them. when supermega was outted as shittheads i dropped them after being a fan for years, it is a perfectly viable option for me and i didn't deem it necessary for this case.

in the end, i'm not exactly sure why people are so angry dream's my #4. he's still there, just lower on the tier list. i didn't get shit when i actively disliked sapnap in the early days, but now that i'm neutral on dream it's the end of the world? and to resolve this i'm getting harassed more by dream stans insulting my new #1? in what world would that get me to do what u want, be it liking dream or disliking karl, or not longer writing. i'll reiterate again: i am 26 and write self-indulgence for myself and my readers. i've done this for a long time and i'd really like to continue if that's okay. if you think i'm dragging dream's character through the mud and beating him with a baseball bat in my fic i really encourage you to look at the fic i've written about dream. even when i lost interest in him my fondness and empathy has always been there. i've written a lot of really lovely things about dream recently, and even when i put him through hardships it was just a story, there was no ill intent towards the real person.

and most of all: dream doesn't care how i feel about him, why do you?

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

Hello, I'm quite a big fan of your blog and your sandman posts. I had a little question for you. According to the comics, more than half of Dream's relationships never work out because of communication on Dream's part, right. So well do you think it's because he does not realise that some things need to be said out loud like because of dream logic where things go straight from A to B, so it would make sense he follows the same logic? Sorry if I am not making much sense.

hello, and thank you!

well, for starters, i have a feeling you're here from the adhd post, but in case you're not or other people are reading this who haven't seen it, i talked about one aspect of this already

but do you have a specific source on the communication line? i am entirely willing to believe it, but i don't have a perfect memory of every single comic and i don't remember that in particular, so i'm curious if there's further analysis to this that i missed

that said, i can absolutely analyse just dream's communication problems in general, because there's a lot in there

1) pride/ego/defensiveness. as much as dream cares about everyone, he is an extremely prideful being, and therefore easy to offend. if something strikes a nerve, he's not really the type to talk it out, his reactions tend to be more... dramatic. our extremes are cases like nada, or calliope (who he essentially locked out of the dreaming for several millenia after she blamed him for what happened with orpheus), but like. we saw how the 1889 hob scene went down. and as much as he's quick to advise anyone else that revenge is a poison, he's a big fan of taking it himself (or on behalf of others, see: not letting the madoc thing go). dream, just in general, never lets shit go, he doesn't know how to. which is gonna be A Problem in a relationship if you have to avoid stepping on his ego for the sake of your own wellbeing

2) he knows everyone. like, i think a lot about the library of dreams. the show just describes it as every book ever written (including books yet unwritten), but it's more than that. nightmare country in particular goes into this, it's a repository of every story ever told in anyone's subconscious. so yes, those are the books and compositions and other artworks that were planned but never finished - but it's also that daydream you had in the car home, something you thought idly in the shower, the book you planned in your head before falling asleep that you never intended to turn into anything real. a couple people in the fandom have already used this as a fic concept of hob writing unsent letters to dream, which will end up in the library. and sure, dream isn't thinking of all of that all the time, that would drive you insane, it's why he has the library, to organise it. but he is the dreaming, the entire place is just an extension of his mind, if it's in the library it's in his head and accessible

and like, he may not mean anything by it, he may even attempt not to look at that stuff with a partner out of respect for them (i've seen a couple fics take that path), but so much of how humans communicate is based on the fact that we can't mind read, we choose the information we give to one another, and most of those subconscious stories are private. not to dream. as soon as you think it, it's in his head. and no matter how good his intentions, that's gonna fuck with the usual rules of communication

2.5) this does feed into what you were saying - when the rules are all fucked up and dream has access to so much information about any potential partner, it's probably easy to forget they can't do the same. and yeah, his thoughts do skip around a lot, he is a dream, he may not realise how many vital communication steps he's skipping over until it's pointed out to him

3) he overthinks everything. this may seem like it's contradicting the previous points, but no they just compound into a huge bad communication bubble

there's one i think it's a tom interview, i don't know if it was about ep 11, i just remember someone posting a quote from it on a gifset with calliope, where he talks about the purposeful way dream talks, there's no ums or similar, because he's the prince of stories, he has every word and phrase ever thought or spoken or written down in his head all of the time, there's no hesitation in his phrasing. i think the phrase used was "etched in stone". while dream may not always realise certain things need saying, when it comes to the things he does choose to say, he is extremely deliberate in his word choice. there's no mistakes, he means what he says (even if he may later regret saying it)

and i think that's another piece of this, because for most people conversation is just a game of improv they've gotten really good at, they may mangle words or say things they didn't mean. and if dream takes them at their word, then we're back to problem 1 of him taking things extremely personally and never being able to let it go

(and then there's all the other reasons his relationships rarely work out, like him being extremely committed to his work, he can't be what a lot of his partners might want him to be, because he considers himself dream of the endless first and foremost and a person second)

(and his relationships are kinda the biggest representation of that inner struggle, because like. he keeps dating people despite the fact that it never works out because he doesn't want to do this alone, to the point that his mother, who didn't even know their brother had left, called him out for it. but then at the same time he literally says to destiny that the word 'life' does not describe the existence of the endless, they exist to fulfil their purpose, not to want anything for themselves. which, is wrong, but it's an extremely strong belief of his)

(so it is just a constant snowball of trying but self sabotaging)

[randum-famdoms]

Hello! I'm reading one of your fic's on ao3 and was wondering when it's gonna be updated? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the fic and wanna know how long until we get a new chapter! Love your writing! And I was so happy to see that you gave Mishima such a cool persona! I love the fic so much! I've been ranting to my friends about it nonstop (even though neither of them have ever played the game) but they both sit there and listen nonetheless! (I may even try and convince them to read it! It's a pretty interesting take on the whole game! And the part where Akira is worried that Mishima will have a problem with him being gay and Mishima just like "If I had a problem with it I would've said something back in kamoshida's palace" was amazing! I love everything about it and I can't explain in words just why I love it so much! It's just amazing! If I was better at art I would LOVE to make some fanart of it!!! Again I can't explain just how much I love it! I hope you're doing well and aren't sick!

(How was the dog sitting by the way? Hope it went well!)

Ahshdjdkjfndbdkjdl thank you??????

I just. *scream*

The idea that people can love a silly little thing I write for fun this much is kinda unreal to me. Idk how to respond???? Thanks????

I mean, I’ve reacted like this to fics I have read before but having it turned into myself is trippy. Like this is some weirdly dream or some shit. Idk man. Shit’s wild.

Every time someone tells me how happy they are about the way I’m treating mishima in my fic I am further convinced that everyone who says he’s a bad character is a fucking coward and if more people would just make Mishima positive content then the fandom would be better off. He does not get enough love and appreciation and I will gladly take on the mantle of Mishima Ambassador. He is my blorbo, my boi, and I love him dearly. He deserves better, both in game and in the fandom, so I just did it myself.

Also, I ain’t about to beg you for fanart because you reading my fic is more than enough already and then you sent me this ask and Ann bear gave me a heart attack from joy, but trust me if you think you’re a bad artist I’ve seen worse. Much, much worse. I took an art class in a very sports heavy highschool and 90% of the kids in there were teenage boys who thought it would be an easy A. The first assignment was to draw a realistic hand. You’d think that they were AI with how bad some of them looked. So yeah, any hypothetical art you make is beautiful to me, especially because I’m fairly sure that if anyone made fanart of my fic I’d cry tears of joy <3

I tried really hard to update every week and I failed miserably, so I’ve made the decision to cut back to every other week. I’m like 85% sure that I’ll get the next chapter up this Sunday. I started my summer classes today and one of them (my English class) is cramming a 14 week course into 4 weeks, but I’ve always been pretty good at English/reading/writing so I’m hoping that that won’t ruin my update schedule AGAIN. I swear I can’t go two weeks without something fucking up my writing/editing time. We’ll see how it goes. I am not sick don’t worry, Just like, super fuckin tired cause my sleep schedule is fucked. I’m pretty good otherwise tho!

Dogsitting went well! I actually finished up with that yesterday. The little demon I was taking care of had absolutely no braincells, and was very annoying, and she kept pooping in my bathroom no matter how often I tried to take her outside to shit, but at least she’s small so it was easy to clean up and she was a good size to cuddle. Overall it was a 5/10 experience that was turned into a 9/10 because of the couple hundred dollar paycheck I got for it. The family I was doing it for is uncomfortably rich lol. Pretty sure some of it is blood money because the dad is an ex-cop turned middle school teacher (neither of which make good money) and the mom is a Russian immigrant stay-at-home mom and they somehow own a huge house in a really nice neighborhood and can afford a two week trip to the Caribbean on that income. I ain’t gonna complain tho.

I’m excited to get chapter 11 written and posted, I think it’s gonna be really fun! Lots of good plot and character development is gonna be happening :) the fic is really picking up now that we’ve finally gotten over all the exposition hurdles. Only took 60k words lol (I swear I thought that it would take half as long as it did to get to this point in the fic, at this rate the things gonna end up 800k words long and I’ll be dead before it’s finished)

[cha-melodius]

So much to say when it comes to you and your writing, but the first thing that came to mind for me was Body and Soul(mate). Specifically, when Alex and Henry touch each other for the first time and even though Alex is bleeding out from a stab wound he’s fucking aching and burning from the touch. But also when Alex comes to confront Henry after he disappeared on him. Their bond and need for each other was so well developed throughout the story even though they hadn’t even met through most of it. It’s honestly my favorite soulmate au ever, of any fandom.

So so thrilled the impact that this one made! The bonding scene where they first touch for the first time was something that was in my mind from the very beginning—I knew that was gonna be a big climactic moment, that it had to be everything crashing down around them and they're in they're on little world because it's just SO intense. I always love hearing how their bond felt so strong despite them not meeting, too; I was SO worried about this fic because I was like... who is gonna want to read a fic where they don't even meet or even directly interact until almost the end... this sounds crazy. 😂 And then I did it anyway.

Gonna throw some spoilery stuff about the very end behind a cut.

So when I first plotted the fic, I planned to have them get together at the hospital, Henry chooses him, the end. Then I got to that point and I was like... oh it can't be that easy. 😂 I realized that Henry absolutely would run from his soulmate as a method to protect him, and also after everything they'd been through, that I needed the moment of Alex not taking no for an answer. Which of course meant a bit of extra unplanned angst, lol.

Thank you thank you, it makes me so so happy you love it so much! 💕

[yandere-monoma]

should i be insane and start the kill your masters commentary now

i am gonna be insane and start the kill your masters commentary now

hi this will contain spoilers for the killswitch au which imo is fine because i have no intentions of writing it in its entirety so HSJKFGFG

god. rose strider.

rosie rosie rosie rose strider UUUUUUGH.

fun fact i actually attempted to go off about all this weeks ago but tumblr deleted the fucking draft but now im drunk (or i was drunk when i started this at 1am and now its fuckin noon LMFAO) and trying again so LET'S GO!!!!

so. actually. my iteration of rose strider was first sparked after reading BGB by MermaidMayonaiise oh god bless tf out of them

like, guardianswaps is an ancient concept in the fandom so it's not like i've never considered her or any other strider kid before but GOD. this one line from BGB absolutely blasted through my soul:

You never knew her, but a Rose Strider would have been a killing machine. Considering the multiverse, she exists. Just not in any timeline that matters.

as i lovingly say in the comments of that fic, i literally copypasted that line to every hs friend i know. it drove me crazy

it'd still be a couple of weeks (months?) after reading that fic that i actually conceptualized her, though. rose strider was born via the homestuck renaissance chat which i will reference 6738459634563456 times in this commentary because killswitch would not exist without it. the renaissance chat went off with a million and one headcanons about a million and one different guardianswaps and my impulsive ass couldn't help but actualize them in some sort of written form, complete with ridiculous long ass plot and even a couple of sburb sessions that i'll never write cuz it'll take me years. like. the ideas were just so good.

ironically, our first official swap we discussed was actually john strider, who i hopefully will get to at least allude to in the next iteration of killswitch, along with dave lalonde (WHO I FUCKING LOVE AAAAA), jade egbert and rose harley... then we actually discussed jade before i finally revealed how insane i was about rose strider rose rose rose rose ROOOOOSE

from that first initial outline to the first chapter of kym, it took about two months of plotting and dragging through drafts which is CRAZY cuz it rly does feel like time has fucking flooown by. a lot of that time was also dedicated to the first installment of killswitch, which got interrupted because the third chapter of kyd got tragically deleted and i've never recovered and i only recently healed past the hurt enough to start to rewrite it. god. trauma.

anyway.

before i get to the first chapter, i wanted to talk about rose's initial concept as a strider and what it meant. as i've said 738596356 times already, nature vs nurture was how i approached every placement within the au. it was very important to me to blend every character with who they initially are in canon and who their guardian's influence turned them into. this made for an incredibly fun process that lent itself to a pretty easy formula characterization-wise.

for example, rose strider's excessively extreme experiences with self-harm are born of rose lalonde's early act 1 habit of engaging in empty suicide threats towards her mother. i took that tendency to act out and cranked that fucker up to 11 because there is nothing passive aggressive about how bro raised dave.

every killswitch character features this pairing blend approach to their writing. jake lalonde, for example, inherits roxy's hyperactive silly energy, though he lacks the grace, ease and confidence to carry it out without stumbling. however, rose is especially special because i wasn't just trying to blend rose and dave. because of rose's identity blurring motif, i had to build her up using elements of rose AND dave AND dirk AND, most importantly, bro. that made her, honestly, really fucking hard to write because i still wanted her to be recognizable enough, while still sounding like a carbon copy of bro, simultaneously perfect and flawed all at the same time. and, ngl, it's super interesting to me, the way she deviates from the formula and refuses to follow the easy pattern i followed for literally every other character in the au. it's just so fitting for her to fuck with the meta like that JSKFG

anyway LETS START READING

fucking with the commands was actually a last minute choice done right at the very final edit. so much of the narrative fuckery that happens in kym is very on the spot, lots of last minute decisions that start with the impulse of 'oh shit yknow what'd be cool' and end with a big ole internal ramble of what it could all ~represent~

in this case, i thought this was nifty, i've been using this same one fuckin glitch generator for YEARS at this point: but also, i think it was a fun way to allude to her classpect, even though it's never really discussed outright

yeah see this was actually supposed to be a description of her room but in the very last draft as i was cleaning it up i saw this section that i still had to write and went nope. JHSKFGSDFG which is hilarious to me because doing so literally transformed how i approached the rest of the piece. originally this chapter really was supposed to just be a pretty direct copypaste of act 1, but god. GOD i'm glad it isn't. i've had so much fun with this style and it's so amusing to me that i have laziness to thank for that JKGFG ah yes the creative process

facts about john harley and his first conversation with rose!!

i suck at chumhandles and enlisted help from the renaissance chat for a lot of them. other handle options suggested to me at the time include: garrulousGallivant, groovyGallywag, galleyGaffer, giddyGelogenic (this was in second place to me i rly loved it sob)

(rose's handle was incredibly easy in comparison, largely because i hardly put any effort into it. i just wanted something suitably edgy and what could be edgier than naming yourself after genocide HJGKF)

his initial character premise:

the hardest part about starting the fic where i did is that there was just so much imagined backstory for rose and so little time to actually get to detail with it. the purpose of the first few pesterlogs with john and jade was to establish something that honestly i don't think got as much spotlight in the fic as i would have wanted: the fact that rose strider is a compulsive liar who actually tries her hardest to seem normal to her friends, both out of habitual manipulation and out of a subconscious urge to escape her life. it's an attempt to sprinkle her with the void traits that she clings to at the beginning of her arc (guess what her classpect is >:3) before embracing what she really is, but damn. if i could have, i would've written 100k of cute casual conversation with rose seeming like the sweetest most thoughtful friend in the world, only to reveal what she's really like

anyway! we get to see her make up a life for herself first through john, as she lies about going to school when ngl i don't think she's been since like. idk. the 3rd grade. GJKFLGS

this is always an interesting pesterlog to reread remembering how much i fucked with rose's dialogue jesus christ. i did NOT want her to sound like herself in the rougher drafts. she was honestly just a straight up blend of bro and dave, very casual, very ramble-y, however at the last second, i incorporated a touch of her usual more formal vibe/dialogue. again, because i was blending four different characters rather than two, it was difficult to find a balance i really liked. i definitely got there eventually but. hoo.

ro-stri originally used to copy the punctuation of anyone she spoke to. there are still aspects of this in the current draft, rose plays along and sprinkles more exclamation points in than usual to match john's hyperactiveness despite the fact that she feels like roadkill atm. however, in the end, i thought it was a little too subtle and wanted her to have a more uniform sound to her, rather than disappearing into anyone she encountered.

john harley thinks the funniest possible thing to joke about in the world is the fact that he's pretty much a feral kid who has never touched humanity and thus doesnt know the most basic things. he does this 9356354963 times a day. he loves playing dumb. in truth he's experienced a Lot through movies but sometimes he simply cant resist the urge to pretend he doesnt know what a fork is. jsdkfgsfg he was such a delight to write, jesus christ.

despite rose's attempt to fade into the background a little, all of her friends depend on her massively to fill a hole in their lives, which she ends up using to further manipulate and control the topics of their conversations. for john, he's just so incredibly hungry for what life in the real world is like. so rose fabricates a normal school life for him. and she's not even doing that for him. it's completely coincidental that they both just desire the same thing of each other and ngl i really adore and am fascinated by their dynamic. johnrose fuckin sneaks up on me i SWEAR.

rose calling herself a bishounen is the first hint of her weird gender fuckery. it is a hilarious hint that i'm so very proud of cuz it's so dumb HAHAHJKFS

john's flirtiness towards rose is inherited by (epilogue) jade's sexual promiscuity and slight pushiness towards the people she's attracted to. it also just seemed like so much fun lmfao it rly snuck up on me as i was writing and i couldn't help but go all in once i realized what was happening. like, john really does just find one bad joke (usually at someone's expense) that he really likes and does it over and over and over and OVER cuz so much of the joy for him is knowing that he's the only one fucking laughing and that everyone in the vicinity wants to throttle him. but they can't :P

someone tell me why :B emojis are so cute. the very first time i went >:B as john harley i went oh no because i fell so hard at that point HAHA

jade lalonde!!

can you believe this is the first time i've ever written jade in my life jesus fucking christ

other chumhandle option: tipsyTurvey

rose's canon handle is a pun that fucking murders me every time i acknowledge it and i desperately wanted a cute pun for hers. i am bad at puns. i am so very bad at puns. telekineticTactoe is the first pun i've made in all my decades of living. i am so proud of her fucking handle jesus christ GHJFKGS

something that's fun but also agonizing about pesterlogs like these is, again, i don't really get the chance to explain things. so much show, so little tell, which works out great for the narrative but makes the part of my brain that built up so much of the world pout so much. so i never actually go into detail about the fact that the 'update' jade is working on is to a webcomic that she has picked up and abandoned 87593456 times. this is seen more in her later conversations but one of jade's whole shticks is that she has tens of thousands of hobbies and she can't commit to a single goddamn one. she is absolutely CRUSHED by how much she wants to have a perfectly successful career like her mom. everything she tries just isnt perfect enough and it frustrates her endlessly. she is so so very cute i love herrr

it is SO fun discussing the lalonde issue through someone who is earnest and honest about their feelings and who airs them out the second they feel them. it's so fun to interpret some of the issues rose perhaps had with her mother, while also just poking at issues i think would have just. always bothered jade because of the type of person she is. she is going to be an incredibly fun perspective to write through the rest of the au and i rly hope i can figure out a way to focus a fic on one of her iterations one day

jade having a having a habit of traumadumping and rambling was supposed to be a play on just how excessively wordy rose can be. idk how much that shows (people associate rambling way more with dave imo) but either way it was super fun to write

rose's manipulative streaks are more obvious here. jade is incredibly vulnerable and rose jumps at the opportunity to attempt to further isolate and pit her against her mother. she's doing that completely out of habit, too. she has no malicious plan behind it all, it passes the time and it keeps jade close and that's really all she wants. she can see the way jade suffers under the weight of her work and she makes up her own stressful worklife, just so that jade can relate to her more than she can relate to the others.

DAVE FUCKIN EGBERT LET'S GOOO

the first words uttered about dave eggy in the gc:

and what his character ultimately turned into:

there is so much to say about dave i love him i love him i love him let's gOoooOooOOo

first off, i wanna explain why he's an egbert rather than a lalonde, since swapping the strilondes is way more common:

dave lalonde would have taken up too much screentime which would not have worked for the fic/verse. he is. god. an INCREDIBLE and fascinating specimen that i need to specifically write 100k about and pairing him with someone like ro-stri would just be a disservice to either of their stories. they simply can not exist together in a way that i would find narratively satisfying because they both just take up too much SPACE. GOD!!!

dave egbert is just cuter LMAO.

i am a dirty dirty multishipper and making him an egbert means i get a version of johndave and a version of daverose all at the same time

(and this doesnt even also allude to the fact that john strider and dave lalonde are also a hugely amusing dynamic like i rly needed the homophobic af angy boy paired with the darling excitable lil femboy ok

but really, my approach to dave is this: as much fun as tragic backstories are, sometimes a really fascinating narrative can be watching someone getting actively traumatized in the present for the very first time. being a bystander to someone you love's suffering, the survivor's guilt of not being the abused one, the overwhelming stress of being someone's sole confidant, the way it feels to be crushed by codependency and forced to witness unrelenting suffering when you are so woefully unprepared to provide proper support. dave just being a normal boy in an incredibly toxic relationship with his first love is just. GOD. so fun to me. so so fun it's honestly one of my fave decisions coming into the fic

there's also something to said about the fact that dave finally gets to experience normalcy and familial love at the expense of his sister taking his role in the narrative. there is a point in the au where the killswitch characters (who i also refer to as the 'zeta' kids) are made aware of their canon counterparts and thinking about what dave eggy will think about dave strider is SO exciting to me

anyway, again: this was a hard pesterlog to incorporate. i needed a quick summary of their dynamic and a quick summary of both of their characterizations: dave egbert being dryer, quieter, more withdrawn and blunt with his words, rose strider being abrasive and quick to anger and almost sadistically playful in the way she immediately seeks to tease and degrade her boyfriend. i also needed to show this without making rose the most unlikeable character this side of homestuck HGJKFGGS. fun fact, so much of how they talk to each other and exist in general is based on the fact that i think both of them just, like. fuckin LIVE on 4chan. rose is a 4chan troll while dave is just, like, a lurker. and i do wish i could have showed that more and showed even more of both the cruller kinds of dialogue rose can dish out and the more weird/fond/playful parts of their dynamic, because to me rose is the type to just constantly drop slurs and insult people and speak in a way that's designed to shock and horrify people and dave was her punching bag as much as he's her stuffed animal, and he's just so in love with all the ways she overwhelms him. he has so much fun trying to just desperately keep up with her and it all just creates this intense atmosphere that he's absolutely addicted to.

like, it's tragic that her talking like this never shows up in the fic itself but alas. alas, alack...

anyway

HOW CAN I FORGET HOW FUNNY DAVE'S HANDLE IS TO ME dave making his whole personality around himself being a npc is so funny to me ok godhjskfg

There is no excusing what must have occurred the previous evening, but there’s no point trying to contend with what happened. 

considering 'what happened yesterday' is a big huge plot point in chapter 2 i'll leave it to the chapter 2 discussion but just know that this is one of my fave part's of rose's characterization that i ALSO mourn its lack of focus in the fic. i think it's present enough but UGH i wish i got to write it so much MOOOORE, DAMN!

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

there were so many versions of this line and this introduction in general HJGKFGS happy with what i settled with

this section was hard because, again, had to quickly establish all the things i wish i could have spent time just slowly building up. i do enjoy how the final product looks, though. one of my favorite styles to utilize is a very compact, slightly minimalistic type of prose that leans

lil cal as a corrupting force is one of my fave hs things in the world it drives me insane to think about, so it was incredibly fun deciding that this was one of the biggest and most important differences between dave and rose is that dave fucking hates lil cal but ro-stri is not scared of puppets :D she loves them :D

When you sleep, if you sleep, your gaze never breaks from his, and you spend your nightmares drowning,

rose having an eternal staring contest with dream cal amuses the hell out of me especially thinking about dave going to derse just to watch in horror. it's also another aspect of that internal soul flaying she keeps forcing herself through, trying to create a perfect ouroboros between herself and what bro has been turned into. trying to fuckin speedrun through her own corruption

gurgles blood.

this next section about all the ways rose attempts to cope with her trauma was so nervewracking to publish. a lot of parts of this fic was but jesus christ. was really worried i'd get flack for a few of the ideas that got tossed out there, but i couldn't remove them even despite that anxiety. there is such a specific vibe to the 00's that i really wanted to incorporate into the fic... just, how it felt to be an absolutely insane teenager, always overwhelmed, constantly abused, and gifted with unadulterated unsupervised internet access to do terrible AWFUL things to. i wanted to depict it because it's what i relate to, what i've experienced, what i've seen and heard from others.

it's also just generally rly important to me to sprinkle darkweb references into as many of my strider fics as fucking possible cuz i know those boys LIVE on it LMFAOHJGKFG

In reality, you have no hobbies your brother hasn’t given you.

short but important: the fact that rose just does not get the opportunity to start creating her own personality like dave does was very important for me to highlight, though it's also not necessarily true. since the narration is filtered through rose's perspective, and rose is the one that is so adamant (especially at this part of the story) that she is a perfect clone of her brother, she skips past the experiences she has where she's strayed from bro's influence.

the end of this chapter was a very fun escalation that i'm very satisfied with. ahh, my killing machine 🥰❣️ how i adore you... now that i think about it, i forgot that originally i really did just want to make a quick oneshot summarizing all of my thoughts on her. as i was writing, the ideas got bigger and bigger, the hcs spiraled more and then my friends in the chat [shakes fist] dropped a huge BOMB of a plotline right into my lap that forced me to extend it way past its original plan but ughsjfgdfg i'm so glad that they did because this is a story that i'm so incredibly proud of godddjksfg

AND THAT'S CHAPTER ONE, STAY TUNED FOR MORE

[orionsangel86]

About the twinklify the twink? That's why I don't go full Dreamling. I have nothing against it, but they way they get twisted 90% of the times is just "uhh that not my Dream" for me. And same with all the Dark Morpheus x f/m reader. "That's not my Morpheus" and it's ok, because a) fanfiction keeps the media alive until the next piece we can get and b) fanfiction keeps people alive too, no matter what they picture. So, it's ok to feel like this, I guess.

I think that's the main takeaway from this. YKINMK after all. I'm a firm believer of "do what you want always" though of course, that doesn't mean you should be free from criticism, it just means maybe don't take criticism to heart ya know? This doesn't mean people should go onto others posts and fanfics and complain! God no! But people should be allowed to complain in their own posts - so long as anything particularly harsh isn't put in the main tags or is tagged accordingly. Like of course people aren't always gonna love everything you do, and sometimes when certain headcanons and ideas get bastardised by fanon echo chambers they become so far removed from canon that you are basically writing an OC with your fave characters face, but that's okay if it brings you joy. Just don't expect everyone to love and adore it ya know?

The problem I have with the extra twinkification of characters in ship dynamics is that I have a problem with m/m ships being twisted so far away from their canon counterparts that one party becomes obviously "feminine" and the other obviously "masculine". By which I mean one character is made extra skinny frail and delicate, submissive, virginal, pure, and always ALWAYS the bottom. The other character becomes huge and muscular and hairy and masculine, and take the role of protector and dominating and experienced and is ALWAYS the top.

Do you see what I mean? This has been prevailent in fandom culture since day 1 of course, and its a huge pet peeve of mine. I do view it as somewhat problematic because it feels like trying to fit a mlm ship into a heternormative box. Its a layered mess of misogyny and homophobia wrapped up in a fandom bow. It was worse years ago, during the SuperWhoLock days, and I will forever be grateful to Misha Collins for beefing up so much he enabled Cas to beat the effeminate twink allegations (knowing Mollins he probably came across a particularly bad fanfic or fanart and then spent several hours staring at himself in a mirror before throwing himself into an intensive gym routine).

I don't think its too prevailent in Dreamling fics, though I guess when you have a whole episode devoted to showing how Dream is pale, thin, beautiful, ethereal, completely hairless, and trapped, its easy to see why fandoms minds went to "twink" and then to "we need to find him a saviour". But I do wish the power dynamic would be a bit more balanced. Dream is no wilting flower. He is all pure lean muscle. He is no frail delicate thing. He has the body of a long distance marathon runner. He is power and self righteousness and fury and control. Yeah, he may be submissive with his lovers, but he's hardly inexperienced.

Hob is also in no way a macho man. He's hairy sure, but that's basically it. He actually isn't all that more muscular than Dream, he's only slightly broader, and he's not taller - I think they are the same height? Again, to stress, people can do what they want always. But please do take time to branch outside of the fandom echo chambers and refamiliarise yourself with canon once in a while. Especially when those echo chambers are leaning towards problematic dynamics like those mentioned above.

This is by no means a dig at any individuals, at any creative works I have come across or anything else of the sort. I just sometimes find the fanon echo chambers and widely accepted headcanons a bit irritating, especially when they don't fit with canon. It's fine on a small scale. I am not the person who is gonna comment "he would not fucking say that" because its mean and those posts are mean. It's when the whole fandom seems to adopt certain ideas, and suddenly any deviation from those ideas seems wrong to fandom at large. It becomes difficult to counter those ideas without suddenly being labelled a hater. Look at all the ridiculous discourse in Good Omens fandom because of how deeply far removed from the original source material the fandom took the characters over the 4 year gap between seasons? They were literally going into Neil Gaimans inbox complaining when season 2 deviated from widely accepted fanon headcanons! To the point that Neil had to clarify that what they were complaining about was never canon to begin with!!

Anyway, this post is probably controversial enough without me prattling on any further. Let me stress one last time that you can do what you want always, and everyone should be able to play in the sandbox however they want - just please check yourselves and your prejudices and do consider if the tropes you are encouraging have any harmful implications before throwing yourself into them.

[erstwhilesparrow]

🥫🏳️💡pleeeease <3

:D <3 hello friend!

🥫 - What’s a scene you’ve really enjoyed working on?

hm... let's narrow it down to fandoms we have in common, because i love 'working on' fic in the sense of editing and rewriting so much just in general. i'm gonna say the scene where dazai pins chuuya to the bed in saint of the paint that was left in the pot ? i don't like reading it back now, but i remember that the act of writing it was a lot of fun. spent a lot of time thinking about how bodies feel in a way i don't normally? and there's a bit at the very end where i describe being able to feel the muscles in someone's forearm moving when they unfurl their fingers, which is an actual thing i kept checking as i was writing by grabbing my own forearm. (i paused here just to do it again right now.) utterly ridiculous thing to do, but it was kind of fascinating. bodies, right?

🏳️ - Favorite way you have described something in your works

oh this one's easy. i like all the descriptions i put in ortolan bunting, but my favourite continues to be this one: "They are like-skinned animals, same stuff in their veins: two parts flashbang, three parts want." to this day, one of the only sentences i've written that i (1) still remember clearly and (2) still genuinely like after posting to ao3

💡- What’s a idea you’ve enjoyed but never/couldn’t write?

augh. so many??? there was this dsmp tubbo fic i started taking notes for months and months ago that was going to have exactly as many words as the maximum number of items you can fit in a minecraft shulker box and it was going to be ~thematically relevant to his aggressive compartmentalizing and trace through his history on the server but there is simply So Much about tubbo i do not know / haven't watched the relevant streams for and my interest waned before i could do anything with it.

in general, Longfic Is Hard. I Can't Do It. unfortunately, i keep having ideas that would be best suited to being expanded over the course of a very long fic!

oh, also, i know this answer's getting long but i need somewhere to whine about my own inability to write explicit smut. the amount of Terrible, Very Bad, Extremely Characterizing Sex i would write about my blorbos having if i had any clue how to write Characters Having Sex is stunning. i think two characters who have each lost someone they love very much should fuck each other while thinking way too hard about the person they lost instead of the person they are actively in bed with. that'd be so good if i could write it. (off the top of my head, i can already think of THREE pairings this would work for. you don't know any of them so i will not list them :P )

[lasats-are-lovely]

Hey not trying to be rude (really!) but it looks like you're into other things now... and I want to know if you ever plan on finishing your lazytown fics?

A fair question - I haven't posted anything related to LazyTown or updated any of my long standing fics in a minute 😅 to say the least.

I don't know if I would say I'm done with LazyTown in any sense though, despite the fact that I now post almost exclusively about star wars. I mean, LazyTown was the show and fandom that quite literally saved my life - and it was the reason I met my gf of nearly 6 years now (and future wife uwu), so it's always gonna have a special place in my heart.

Anyway, the "short" answer to your question is:

... the long answer though?

Probably not anytime soon. Probably.

It's not necessarily from a lack of interest, it's just that... I'm an adult™️, an adult with adult responsibilities that take a lot of my time, as well as an adult who is in a very fulfilling relationship. Whenever I have free time, I'm usually spending it either recovering from some bs at work or I'm spending it with my lady. Very little time for something as time consuming at writing.

That, and I haven't been in the best of health. Had a stress episode mid-2022 that has caused me to have long-term physical side effects that make me exhausted and mentally distant far more than not. I've recently started some medication that should help, and have so far.

I want to write. Don't go assuming that I've lost all interest in that. And there are a lot of projects, old and new, that I still very much want to work on.

Sunflowers on Purple Cake has only 2 more planned chapters - one full chapter, as well as an 'epilogue' of sorts. That absolutely will be finished because it's so fucking close to being done and it will bother me to no end if I leave it where it is now.

Lazyrinth though...

I gotta give you some backstory first.

The entire reason I wrote Lazyrinth was to impress my gf. I think it was something she had joked about, and my little gay-ass was all like "I could do it!" because I had it bad... and I mean, it worked. How could she resist me after I did something so crazy? lol.

I spent the time between our interactions writing it for her because I loved watching her read it when we were together (well, together in the sense of being together in a voice call, as we started our relationship over 2000 miles apart). It was something that caused me to fall even more in love with her.

For the first half of Lazyrinth's chapters she was actively reading it, as well as proof-reading it for me before I posted it for everyone else. She was my main audience - it was easy to find motivation when I could see the excitement for more in her eyes.

But as time went on, and we finally ended up moving in together, she found other interests... and as of now she doesn't really have an active interest in LazyTown or LazyTown fanfiction. And that means Lazyrinth too.

So... I've had a hard time having the motivation to write it when the main reason I ever wrote it, to get with the most wonderful woman I have ever known, worked so well that we were telling each other I love you before I even started posting the fic to AO3. And now that she doesn't even read it anymore...

It's not that the magic is gone. It's just... it feels a bit like it's served its purpose in my life. I've reread it about 100 times now, I've had it's entire plot in my mind for so long that it's not as interesting to me as it was before. That, and my writing has changed and grown a lot since I first started, and there are things I wish I could change about the story that is now too late to go back to.

My gf wants me to finish it though. She tells me that she remembers the late nights I spent shaking from excitement talking about the new ideas I thought of. She wants me to finish it because of how important it was to us and to me.

And a surprising amount of people want me to finish it too. I never expected it to get as popular as it did, and I especially didn't expect it to be popular enough that it would pop up in a ColeyDoesThings video. It's strange, because even though I have reasons to stop writing it, I have just as many reasons to finish it.

... and it will be a long time coming, but I'm gonna do it.

No timeline on when. I don't want you or anyone to have any expectations on when it will be done, because at this rate you'll be waiting until 2026 (knock on wood....) but as long as I'm able to write, I plan on getting it done. There's only, like 5 planned chapters left after all.

Though because of how wordy my writing is, that means there's at least 8...

[lalazeewrites]

hey lala! 🗣 and 📄

Hello lovely!!

🗣 Talk about your favourite WIP

Oh lawd. Well, lemme preface this with: I have sooo many WIPs. I write in so many fandoms, including content for my Patreon, etc, so I'm constantly juggling 3-7 WIPs at any given time.

That said, I'm gonna be heavily biased and say my favorite WIP is actually one of the novels I'm working on right now. It's called The Wishing Woods and I suppose you could say it's extremely queer Breakfast Club getting butchered by Fantasy.

This four person paranormal club of seniors from a nowhere highschool in a nowhere town in backwoods southern Illinois go into a forest preserve searching for a supposed abandoned cemetery from the origins of the first settlement there. They end up coming out the other side of the woods in an alternate universe altogether. They've also all been cursed with the gift of their deepest wish. Sounds nice, except most people are selfish and damaged, so everyone gets a twisted and unfulfilling granting of their desires. There's no way back home that they know of (or to be rid of their curses/wishes), so they have to get hold of someone who can help. This leads them into a world of intrigue within the monarchy which is solely matriarchal, and three sisters, one who is the queen and two of which are missing or presumed dead, etc etc. There's adventure, it's three books long, it's an insane undertaking but I love it deeply lol

📄What’s a WIP you never finished that you would like to go back and revisit?

I'm pretty known in my fandoms I'm in for starting and finishing exceptionally long works. I love writing long fic, even if it takes years and years, that's my jam. But I have a long fic that I never published where one character grew up to be a famous poet, and all of his poems are about growing up with his childhood love who then fucked him over, and said childhood friend absolutely owns and has read that poetry book a million times and is pissed as hell that the book doesn't accurately illustrate their story.

All the poems are written by me, so I think I've never finished it because I'm nervous about sharing even fandom related poetry with people? Because it's so easy to harshly judge poetry, maybe?

Here's a poem from it, anyway!

How many times can I ask if you remember until you lie and tell me what I want to hear? You don’t have to say it with your mouth. I always loved the sound of your fists against my bones, the shock of your teeth in a smile that never told a lie. You can tell me you remember in a dozen other ways, handsome. Bruises are a good start. I still remember the broken blood vessels that speak the shape of your fingertips. Do you? Do you?

[hourcat]

hey I was reading your obj/Eli stuff (I know it’s been years) and I was wondering a couple things…

how did u get into them?

how do you write a ship when no one else is - like what motivates u?

how do u feel about them now??

I want to say okay they are amazingly written etc the characterization GOD keebevh but personally I always feel bittersweet when in a small ship fandom and quite sad when there are no longer any works for years. and gosh I shipppp it so much

oh my god. my love. hello!!! i literally did not even realize people still ventured back in n the nfl rpf archives to see yingyang!verse 🥺🥺 im so touched 🫶 and am so so happy to answer ur questions!!!! i woke up earlier than normal, checked my inbox n read this ask, and could not stop thinking abt it when i tried to go back to sleep, lol. so i'll put em under a read more bc i get the feeling im gonna be rambly

how did u get into them?

by watching the games, honestly. LOL. i always enjoyed their relationship on the field (eli threw more touchdowns to odell than anyone else in his sixteen year career, which is an insane fact considering they only played together for like....five of those years) and as a giants fan obviously i was like “YES I WANT FIVE MORE OF THOSE LITTLE BLONDE BITCHES” because it was so, so fun to watch them.

but what drove me to shipping them romantically was a moment i first caught after the giants/dolphins game in 2015. the giants won (something they RARELY do, especially during the O years) and like always, at the end of the broadcast, the camera kind of meanders around the field to catch some post-game shots. and i saw eli and odell huddled real close together. i couldn’t figure out what they were doing but i knew it was kind of sus u know. upon further investigation (aka me desperately searching youtube for game footage) i found it.

this.

and that’s where it really started. QBs always have really intimate relationships with their WRs when they’ve got good on-field chemistry and these two were truly, truly no exception.

how do you write a ship when no one else is - like what motivates u?

honestly i would say it was hard but tbh? it wasn’t hard at all. when you love a pairing enough and you SEE what they are enough, it’s easy to write because it’s all you think about. you know? i had a good little mini-circle around me about them which helped me generate the ideas, and i have always craved attention and validation so of course i was gonna post it to ao3 even if no one else cared. i wrote SO much more than the yyverse content up there, too, but i was terribly afraid of the way i’d put eli/odell on the filters section singlehandedly so i stopped lol. it all went to my e/o fic library archive on here (@eoverse).

it also made it so much better when people who DIDN’T care about them suddenly did because of my fics?? which was SUCH motivation, too. being the one to open someone’s eyes like that is a special privilege imo. it’s power but in like...a tender kind of way. like holding someone’s hand and bringing them into the light. i was so addicted to that feeling.

how do u feel about them now??

oh, they devastate me. for a while i was so mad at odell after he got traded because it felt like he left me (and eli, ESPECIALLY, considering the fact that eli didn’t even know he got traded until ESPN announced it like he rest of us. dave gettleman i am in your fucking walls) and it kind of ended on a sour note. they didn’t talk to each other for a while. they never won anything substantial together which just felt like a deeper knife to the gut.

and then i moved on. and discovered that eli is actually rearranging the guts of the quarterback who replaced him after retirement (the elidj agenda is real and insane and you should not ask me about it because i have written, if possible, MORE about them than i did e/o) and for a while, kind of forgot. but my love for eli/odell never really faded, i don’t think. it’s nostalgia. i miss when odell was young. i miss when eli played. i miss how they hugged every pre-game, i miss how they would bump helmets tenderly after every touchdown, i miss the weird little sus quotes like “take me home, 10″ because who says that. who.

and now with odell potentially interested in coming back to the giants after all these years i’m like....this is going to be like tearing open an old wound, huh. they were my whole heart for so long. they are my BABIES. they are the first fics i wrote that truly, truly meant something real to me. so i think i still love them. not the same way, of course, but like...is it ever the same after a tragedy like they had?

oh my god i’m so sorry i wrote you an essay you were just being nice and asking questions about yyverse THANK YOU FOR BEING INTERESTED AND READING I LOVE YOU

[kandicon]

🍳- Character that you would go to Brunch with

🤍- Fav Neutral or Obscure Character?

🎶- Best Theme song?

🥇- Favorite TF series

🤖- What got you into TF?

🍳 - G1 Jazz!!!! Partly bc I love him so, so much, partly bc I think he would be absolutely ecstatic to go to a place that actually serves energon for brunch!!!! ALSO bc I need to give him shit for the fact his name is literally Jazz yet his favorite music genre is rock 'n roll and I think he is perhaps the only version of Jazz that would not consider maiming me for that opinion. Perhaps marvel Jazz would work too, but, like, that Jazz is a Madonna fan and I'd get too distracted with that fact to even ask his thoughts on real jazz.

🤍 - SCROUNGE <3333333333 FROM THE MARVEL COMICS!!!!! HE IS INDEED THE SPECIALIST LITTLE GUY THAT HE THINKS HE IS AND HIS ARM IS SO COOL AND BLASTER VALUES HIM SO MUCH AS A FRIEND AND I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE HIM <3333333333 I once started a fic abt Blaster keeping his memory drive as his only possession and being super emotionally attached to it in extremely unhealthy ways. And then, in an effort to move on after many years on earth, he builds Eject and Rewind, but Rewind could see the molten ghost that hovered around Blaster. Basically he has a fucking meltdown from his first seconds of awareness trying and failing to comprehend what he is seeing and that shapes his entire core interest of data gathering. I never managed to finish it, but I still have a few scenes floating around in my drafts about Rewind "growing up" (growing up as much as one can when they pop out of their planet with the same functioning as any other adult) and learning the world through his dead uncle.

Also Rumble is my favorite transformer ever, but I wouldn't consider him obscure, just unappreciated.

🎶 - The rescue bots theme song!!!! Ik rescue bots is Definitely not everybody's cup of tea, but anyone who has not listened to its theme is truly depriving themselves of one of life's greatest joys!!!! :D!!!!!

🥇 - I don't think I really have one?? This is hard. I have a super big soft spot for g1, but there's so many characters and so little development on them that I find it hard to analyze and write stuff for like I do most series I'm into. I also adore idw, but it's inconsistent characterization and problems from dealing with a bunch of different writers can really irk me at times. I think I'm gonna have to go with Transformers Go! Go! for this one 'cause that's the continuity my brain has currently latched its death-grip onto. There was a super awesome blog translating all of them that I follow (transformers-translations I believe) but a few days ago all their work got brought down by staff and I'm hoping they're gonna move to some other platform.

🤖 - THIS one is easy!!! One of my good irl friends was (and still is) super into transformers at the same time I was in a big depression rut from having no hyperfixation :3 I followed him into this fandom and I have absolutely zero regrets :D!!!!!

[chaos-monkeyy]

I am also a smut writer but lately I've been really down. I have gotten some comments, just people saying I must constantly have a dirty mind or that they could never think like that or write like that, or they imply that some of the kinks I've written are gross. Others have said I've given myself a reputation now. I don't want a reputation, I just want to be me. I think they are meant to be jokes but it's hurtful. I was wondering if you ever experienced the same thing and how you handled it. Thanks

Hi Anon, sorry for taking a little while to answer 💙 I've been quietly mulling this over in the back of my mind since you sent it, trying to think of something actually useful to say.

First off, I'm sorry the shitheads have got you down. I've been pretty lucky avoiding that nonsense for the most part, but I do know how fucking awful it feels to deal with that sort of thing.

One way I've found to handle it is to be... well, a little arrogant about it all. Yeah, I can write stuff or think things that a lot of other people "never could" because that's.. like... literally what a good writer's job is. (and anyone who thinks we're only capable of writing fictional things we actually want to see or happen for real is a fucking dipshit. but I digress.) Anyway, just because someone meant something like that negatively, doesn't mean they're actually right about it being a bad thing.

I also know for a fact some people think some of my kinks are gross, and.. I mean, that in itself is fair. I think a lot of other people's kinks are gross. One person's kink, another's squick, etc. The difference between being an asshole or not is whether they feel the need to tell you, when they could instead have just... Not... Interacted..... And the assholes can fuck right off. I know it still sucks at the time, and it's hard not to feel down about it, but they're seriously just not worth your time and energy.

As far as the reputation and the unfunny "jokes" go, I don't really have any good way to deal. People like to shove other people in boxes and label them and ignore what the actual person wants, and it's frustrating as hell. Depending how well you know and trust the people making those jokes and comments, it might work to just tell them it hurts to be kind of.. reduced and two-dimensioned like that. You are allowed to be you, and who "you" are in fandom spaces and as a writer is allowed to change over time, too.

I did find that it made a difference when I stopped and took a look at the side of my reputation I'd built for myself. Because for a long time I was the first one to go "oh ha ha I only write filth I can't do *real* story", so that was.. how other people saw me too.

So I did my damnedest to stop doing that, because fuck that.

Fuck the self-deprecating bullshit we're expected to do, as fandom creators generally and as smut and kink writers specifically.

PWP and filth for its own sake IS still a story and it IS still creative and imaginative. You put work into that. Writing smut and kink is not easy to do well. Be proud of what you write, whatever it is. Yeah, it's not gonna be for everyone, and that's how it should be. The world would be a boring fucking place if we all liked the exact same things, and anyone who's a dick to you because the stuff you write isn't perfectly suited to them?

Fuck 'em, they don't deserve your fic.

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

Shut Me Up

A/N: Here’s another smutty one-shot. I felt like something a little cliche so here it is. This was so fun to write! I’m still finding my footing in this fandom as a writer but I think I wanna start taking requests, the next fic I have coming out will be a request and I’m having fun with it so shoot me a message if there’s something you wanna see. I’ve just put together my Masterlist so you can check out my other fics there :)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer and Y/N don’t exactly get on well. Will they be able to work out some of their frustration when they’re forced to share a room for the night?

Category: Pure smut baby

Warnings/Includes: smut, graphic descriptions of sex, dirty talk, oral (female receiving), penetrative sex, name calling, light choking, hair pulling, scratching, please let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed!

Word count: 3850 words

The hotel is somehow worse than usual. It’s got so few rooms that they just narrowly grab enough for the whole team. But few enough that they have to bunk. Y/N didn't love sharing a room but it was better than having nowhere to sleep at all.

Prentiss tosses her a key, “That’s you and Reid” she says it so nonchalant that Y/N almost doesn’t notice it. Once in clicks in her head though she races down the hall.

“Hey, hey wait!” She calls out, a little too desperate, “Emily you can’t put me with Reid. We’ll kill each other.”

She laughs at that, it was on open secret amongst the team that Y/N and Spencer had something of a rivalry going. Bitter sworn enemies apparently. No one really bought it though. People who really truly hated each other would be a lot better at avoiding one another. But Y/N and Spencer could never seem to keep apart for very long.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to put your differences aside for a night.” she waves Y/N off as she heads into her own room, leaving her stranded in the hallway. Contemplating if the reception area might let her crash on the couch, she could even spend the night in one of the SUVs, the seats reclined far enough.

But that was stupid, why should she be the one who had to be uncomfortable, why not Spencer.

When she arrived at the door of her own room Spencer was slumped up against it, he stood up straight once he saw her coming.

“Took you long enough” he spat, reaching to take the key from her but she pulled it back before he had the chance.

“I was on the hunt for alternative sleeping arrangements” she huffs, unlocking the door.

“To no avail I presume?” he jokes but he’s just met with an eye roll.

“I’m taking the bed by the window” she stakes her claim before they even get through the door. Once they’re inside he lets out a chuckle.

“You’re welcome to the side of the bed by the window?” he jokes.

This was infinitely worse than she thought it was going to be. Where there were usually two generally uncomfortable twin beds in these standard small-town motels, instead there was a queen sized bed, staring at them as they stood at the foot of it.

“I get the bed” she says like she’s calling shotgun.

“Bullshit you get the bed, there’s nowhere else to sleep!” he complains.

She takes a second to scan the room, no sofa, no arm chair, the floor is a scratchy carpet. There’s no real option here. “You can sleep on the desk?” she suggests, and she’s not serious about it, but she wouldn’t say no if he agreed.

“Are you kidding me?” he almost shouts.

“Soft mattresses are bad for your back! Maybe it’ll sort out your posture?” she adds.

“There’s nothing wrong with my posture” he groans, massaging his temple.

“Okay sure, you tell yourself that”

They don’t say anything more about it as they unpack. Showering and changing for bed in silence. When Y/N comes out from he bathroom, Spencer is sitting up on one side of the bed, reading through case files by the light of the bedside lamp.

“Are you serious?” she whines.

“Look, we both need rest, just shut up and get over yourself” he says it without looking up from the file in his hand, his finger running over the lines at speed.

She doesn’t respond, she just climbs in on the other side, keeping herself as close to the edge of the mattress as possible to keep the distance in between them.

She lies like that for about 45 minutes but sleep’s just not coming.

“Are you ever gonna turn off that fucking light, I thought we ‘needed rest’” she mocks, turning over to look at him, still combing through the files, mumbling to himself every once in a while.

“We’ll both be useless tomorrow if we don’t get any sleep” she tries to convince him with a slightly more sincere tone.

This case wasn’t easy, the unsub had been abducting victims he’d met in online BDSM chatrooms. Bodies had been turning up murdered in ways that the victims had previously expressed were turn-ons. Suffocated, whipped, tied up in peculiar ways. There wasn’t much information to go on now, they just had to wait for the next body to turn up but that didn’t keep Spencer from pouring over everything a hundred times.

When he wasn’t being purposefully irritating Y/N honestly admired his work ethic. Just not when it was interfering with her much needed sleep.

“The bare minimum of sleep most humans need to live is just 4 hours in a 24 hour period” he blurts out, still not looking up.

“Well I’m not most humans, so knock it off”

He finally concedes, chucking his files onto the bedside table and shutting off the lamp. It’s now eerily quiet, and all she can hear is the steady breathing coming from the other side of the bed.

Enough time passes that she really should be asleep but it’s still not happening. So she’s already beyond irritated when she feels a slight shove against her shoulder.

“Hey, you still awake?” he sounds mischievous, she knows that tone of his voice and she doesn't like it.

“God! I am now! What do you want?” she mumbles into her pillow.

“I’ve just got a question” he says defensively.

She hums and rolls over to face him, he’s wide awake, “Well? Out with it” she encourages, the sooner this is over with the better.

His mouth twists into a smirk as he takes a minute to study her face, “What turns you on?” he asks it sincere, and she has no idea what to do with that.

Rolling her eyes on instinct she groans, “Ugh, are you serious? I was so close to getting to sleep, goodnight asshole.” she turns back around to end the conversation but he can’t leave it there.

“I’m serious actually, just all the talk about it earlier, I wanna know”

She doesn’t move as she speaks, remaining with her back to him in a bid not to engage, “You couldn’t handle that information.” She deadpans.

“Try me” he antagonizes, and that’s enough to set her off. He just didn’t know when to quit.

This could be a fun new way to tease him, is her first thought. Turn him on, leave him wanting, yet another game to add to their repertoire of spite.

“Fine I’ll give.” she turns back to him, staring intently this time, “Here’s one, I really get off on having my hair pulled” she scoots closer so she can lean in and whisper the next part, “like when I’m getting fucked from behind, or I’ve got someone’s cock down my throat. I love having my hair pulled, just the short sharp pain of it.” she sort of moans the last little bit right by his ear before settling back on her own pillow.

“That good enough?” she asks, and she can practically see his breath catch in his chest.

He takes a steady gulp, “Yeah, that was, informative” he breathes.

“And what about you?” she poses, he’s not getting out of this one so easy. He looks shocked, like he didn’t see this coming a mile off.

“Me? Uh—” he stutters, “My back, I get really— I get turned on when someone digs their nails into my back, like scratching and marking” something about seeing him flustered like this is almost endearing.

“I guess we’re both suckers for pain” she winks as she says it, making a move to turn around again in a bid to let the conversation die but he doesn’t give her the chance.

“Tell me another” he pleads, and she’s not sure what his expression means but she might just draw this out, see how far she can can tease this.

“Hmm, nosy aren't we?” she smirks, he doesn't respond, just waits for an answer. She thinks for a moment, “Have you ever choked anyone Dr. Reid?”

His breath hitches, and he shakes his head. She likes this new Spencer, the one that doesn’t seem to have some quip for her every two seconds.

“Well I think you might like it, you’ve got nice strong hands, long fingers too. I feel like they might make it the whole way round my neck if you tried?” her voice is soft like velvet as she speaks. He lets out a short pant, and she can see his eyes flicker down to her exposed throat before quickly coming back to her eyes.

“Does the idea of that turn you on Doc?” she teases.

“I— um—” he’s at a loss for words yet again.

“That’s not an answer now is it?” She taunts him, and moves to turn around once again. Feeling accomplished in her goal, finally about to get some sleep. But she’s barely closed her eyes when she can feel him move. He’s so close behind her that she can feel the heat radiating from him. His hand slowly reaches around and grasps her throat gently, she moves herself further into his grip on instinct and he runs with it. Using the leverage to pull himself right up behind her, and she can feel it. He’s hard, and she can feel him pushing himself right up against her ass.

“Is this a satisfactory answer?” he moves in close and whispers against her ear. She’s changed her mind, maybe this is her favorite Spencer.

“Mmhmm” she hums in response, and his fingers tighten around her neck. She pushes her ass further back, moving it up and down slightly to create some friction and she can feel him twitching through the thin layer of her nightdress. He starts to move with her, grinding against her, his other hand resting on her hip, fingertips digging in so that he can pull her closer.

She tries to moan when she feels his nails dig into her but it gets stifled in her throat.

“You sound pathetic” he whispers, “I’ve barely even touched you and you’re whining like a little slut” her hips buck involuntarily at that. “You like it when I call you names?” he teases.

The hand on her hip starts to pull at her nightdress, inching it up higher and higher until his fingers are on her bare skin. He digs his nails in just slightly and drags them around her thigh, letting them settle right at the hem of her panties.

“I bet if I put my fingers in here I’d find you soaking wet for me already?” When she doesn’t answer he tightens the hand around her throat so that it’s almost cutting off the air supply, then loosens immediately. “Answer me” he demands.

“Yes! Yes!” she moans, anything to get his hands to move where she wanted them.

“That’s what I thought” he laughs and lets go of her completely. Her dress hiked up, breathing ragged. She snaps back around to look at him and he’s already curled up on his side of the bed as though nothing’s happened. Left in shock she sits upright, crossing her arms across her chest.

“What the fuck was that?” she has to stop herself from outright shouting at him.

He turns back to look at her, taking in her sullen expression, “Disappointed are we?” he teases with a smirk. And that look makes her want to kill him.

“You’re such a dick” she huffs, and he sits upright next to her.

“You say that like I didn’t just beat you at your own game?” he tries to fight back.

“You didn’t beat me!” she protests

“Oh really, and how’s that?”

“I could feel you, you were rock hard before you even touched me” she spits it out, because if she turned him on first then somehow this didn’t feel as embarrassing.

“Yeah! Because you were teasing me!” he looks frustrated now,

“Exactly! Because I was teasing you, and you fucking liked it” he just rolls his eyes at that, pretending like it’s somehow not true.

“Shut the fuck up” he groans, running his hands through his hair and letting his head fall back against the headboard.

She quirks an eyebrow and looks straight into his sleepy eyes, “Make me.”

In less than a second his hands are on her again, grabbing and pulling her into his lap. One hand is firmly on her back, holding her tight against his chest, the other is tangled in her hair already. Grabbing fistfuls as their lips work against each other.

It’s heated, and ferocious, full of pent up aggression, or tension, or both.

As his tongue works against hers, she lets her own hands wander over him, finally coming to rest at the back of his head, tangling in his curls. When she grinds down into his lap she can feel his cock still hard beneath her, straining against the fabric of his boxers. She thought it was impossible but it felt harder than it had been earlier.

He breaks apart the kiss and they both take in wrecked breaths, chests heaving. He pulls at the hem of her nightdress, pushing it further up her thighs, grabbing a rough handful of her ass as his hands find the exposed skin there.

“We gotta get this off” he whispers, and she nods, pulling it off over her head so that she’s exposed now. Perched in his lap in nothing but her panties. “Fuck” he moans at the sight. His hands come straight up to grab her tits, rough and exited for a moment before easing up, kneading them, getting used to the weight of them in his hands. He brings his mouth down, leaning in so that he can place sloppy open mouthed kisses along her neck and collar bones, trailing down to the valley between her breasts. He takes one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking on it gently then teasing the bud with his teeth. When he releases it and looks up at her his eyes almost look glazed over, dreamy.

“I’ve always had a thing for your tits” he confesses, his lips coming down to repeat the action on the other nipple.

“Your turn to take your shirt off” she whines as he removes his lips, the cold air hardening her nipples now that he’d teased them. He drags his eyes away from her for a second so that he can peel his shirt off over his head.

On pure instinct she rakes her nails across his now bare chest, leaning in close to place kisses into the crook of his neck, moving up painfully slow, kissing along the column of his throat, landing on the soft skin beneath his ear. She can feel the moans rippling in his throat against her lips. While he’s stilled beneath her she takes the opportunity to tuck her hands in behind him, digging her nails into his back and dragging them across the skin with force. Certainly leaving harsh red lines in their wake. The noises that escape him might be the best thing she’s ever heard.

“You like it when I mark you up?” she moans into his ear, “When I make you mine?” she can feel wetness pooling between her own legs as she says the words. The very thought of it turning her on more than she ever thought it could.

Clearly he feels the same, something erupts in him and the hands that had been resting on her hips were now lifting her up and laying her down on the bed. He was on top of her now, his hair framing his face as he looked down at her, and she was biting her fucking lip in anticipation.

He almost can’t even look directly at her so he snakes down her body, littering her torso with kisses and licks. Once he lands at her hips he takes the elastic of her panties between his teeth, pulling it up and letting it go so that it snaps against her stomach. She lets out a low moan.

“Let’s see if I was right earlier, how wet are you for me?” his voice is low as he places small kisses over the cotton, making his way right in between her legs. He pulls back for a second to inspect the fabric, there’s a damp patch covering the majority of the area, as if he didn't know already. “You’re fucking soaked Y/N” he groans and presses his fingers right up against it, forcing the fabric between her folds so that it soaks up even more, “Such a needy little thing aren’t you?”

She can only let out a small whine in response, her teeth biting into her lip so hard she was afraid she might start bleeding.

“Better get rid of these, don’t you think?” he hooks his fingers into either side of her panties, sliding them down her legs. He takes them and places them on his pillow before returning to his position between her legs.

He’s slow and deliberate in his actions, teasing painfully as he places sloppy kisses on the delicate skin inside of her thighs. Stopping right at the top to nip and suck enough to leave a bruise. Taking the time to stop and leave a matching bruise on the other thigh.

She was starting to grow restless, she felt like she was literally aching for any stimulation at all.

“Spencer” she whines, “Please, I’m so fucking turned on already”. She can feel him chuckle, his exhale sends a burst of cold air right against her pussy.

“So impatient” he chastises, but gives in anyway. Laying his tongue flat against her, taking a moment to taste her before he starts to move. Licking deft strokes along her folds, alternating with sucking softly on her clit.

“Spencer, fuck, oh my god” is all she can muster as her back arches up off the bed, her hips squirming as he pins them down. “You feel so fucking good”

He takes the encouragement and brings a finger to her entrance, pushing it in at an agonizing pace, curling it upwards against her once it’s fully inside. “You’re so fucking tight Y/N, do you think you could even handle another finger?” he has to take his mouth off of her to speak but it’s worth it for the downright filthy sounds she makes in response. He takes that as a yes and slowly pushes two fingers in this time. Bringing his lips back down to wrap around her clit and suck.

Her hands fly down to his curls as he works his fingers in and out of her at a relentless pace. She grabs handfuls of his hair and pulls them harshly, not knowing where else to put the energy. “Fuck Spencer, feels so good, don’t stop” she mutters between gasps.

He continues his ministrations and he would be lying if he said the feeling of her hands pulling at his hair weren’t doing something for him.

A moment later and she’s barely able to control her movements, thrashing in the bed as he continues to work his fingers in and out of her, relishing the feeling of her walls tightening around him. Once she’s relaxed again he takes his fingers out, bringing them up to her lips, without telling her to she opens her mouth, taking the two fingers in, letting her tongue move around them to taste herself.

It’s one of the many memories from tonight he knows he wont forget anytime soon. Or ever.

“I can see why you like it” he says, leaning over her, talking into the crook of her neck, “having your hair pulled, feels fucking amazing” she lets out a weak laugh, regaining her strength.

“Told you you liked pain” she reaches down between them, grabbing his cock through his boxers, “You must’ve really liked it” she teases, squeezing as his eyes flutter shut and he nods.

He maneuvers a little so that he can take off his boxers, and finally she gets to see it. It’s perfect, bigger than she expected, it looks painfully hard, precum leaking from the tip. He moves back to hover over her, lingering for a minute to take her in. She thinks there might be something almost sweet behind his expression.

“Just fuck me already” she smirks up at him and he rolls his eyes without even meaning to.

“Will you ever stop antagonizing me?”

“If you fuck me maybe?”

With that he leans down to capture her lips in a heated kiss, she can taste herself on his tongue as it tangles with hers. She can feel him push up against her, the head of his cock just teasing at her entrance before sinking in so slowly she was almost angry.

“Fuck Y/N, you feel so good, so fucking tight, so fucking wet for me” he’s whispering right into her hear and she can barely string together a sentence.

“Spencer, you’re so big, fill me up so good with your fingers, with your cock, fuck” as he starts to move they both start to lose it, her hands digging into his back, her nails sinking into his shoulders leaving small half-moons in his skin. He finally starts to build a steady rhythm, thrusting in and out of her, filling the room with the pornographic sounds of skin on skin, coupled with their moans.

Once she can feel the familiar feeling building within her again she starts to lose control completely, her nails scratching marks into the expanse of Spencer’s back, hearing the little breathy gasps he lets out each time she does might be enough to make her cum all on their own.

“I’m close” she mewls, letting her head fall back against the pillow, exposing her neck, eyes screwing shut.

“Fuck, me too” he takes the opportunity presented to him, and wraps one of his hands around her neck, squeezing ever so slightly.

“Ahh, fuck” she breathes out with the little air that she has, “gonna cum” and she does, he can feel her tighten around his cock, her body writhing beneath his and arching up off he bed as he continues to fuck into her.

He’s following behind just a second later, spilling into her as he collapses back down, releasing his grip on her throat completely and settling on her chest.

They both take a moment. Melting into one another, steading out their breathing.

It’s Y/N who breaks the silence, “So you’ve always had a thing for my tits then?”

He cranes his neck up to look at her, “Shut up” he breathes, laying his head back down on her chest. She cards her fingers through his hair, smoothing it back down.

“Now you know how to make me.”

Masterlist