#WHEW that felt good

[lumiereandcogsworth]

favourite belle headcanon(s)?

oohhh my beloved girl….

these got long so i’m putting them under the cut 😁

one i think about all the time is how she kind of becomes a forever student. and by that i mean, once she becomes ✨royalty✨ she gets in contact with the headmaster and other professors at the university of paris and she just like. always studies there. i think her & adam live in paris sometimes too so she gets to be in classes occasionally. but she just CRAVES knowledge and wants to learn EVERYTHING. by the time she’s older she probably has like every possible degree you could get there. like literally i think she’s like a pokémon trainer; gotta collect ‘em all!!!!

and of course she’s always working on the education system as queen, trying very hard to get more schools built, create laws that mandate it for all children - INCLUDING GIRLS!!!! and she’s just. soooo involved in education. she loves studying and learning and she wants to make sure no one has to grow up deprived of it the way she was. (because not everyone has a cool papa who taught them as much as he could and encouraged them to read so much !!) so yeah just. all things education✨ i have a wip i need to revisit that’s set when adam & belle are first married and she’s back from spending time with her tutor and she starts rambling about all the things she’s learned and adam’s listening with heart eyes and then she stops and apologizes for rambling and he’s like no i love it tell me more !! and it kinda makes her choke up because no one’s ever loved her for that amazing mind of hers….🤧

another one i really love is that i think she’s very clingy/snuggly in bed. and i don’t think she realized how much she loved being held when she slept until adam held her and she felt so SAFE. i think because she’s always been so independent, always had to fend for herself, she just didn’t realize how much she actually liked having someone to protect her — even if there isn’t any actual danger while they sleep. just knowing he’s holding her, it kind of helps her to let her guard down. which she needs to do just as much as adam does!

when she and adam travel (which is very often) she keeps diaries of every place they go. it started with their honeymoon, when adam gifted her, on their wedding day, a journal to take note of their adventures. and she loves it so much that she keeps it up! she has DECADES worth of journals in the shelves of her study back home, by the time she’s older. she loves to make notes about the food and the people and the whether and the flora & fauna and all of it!!! she loves exploring SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! her and adam usually have to do some kind of Royal Thing™️ while they’re anywhere, but they also take time to go off the beaten path and explore and meet local people and just dive in wherever they are. and i like to think that, in their universe, the Travel Diaries of Queen Belle remain very well-preserved throughout time, and are some of the coolest artifacts in french history 🤌

she love baking and cooking !!!!!! she doesn’t get to do it very often since being the queen and having a million other responsibilities, but it was always one of her favorite things to do both for and with her father. and she LOVES the giant ass castle kitchen, i just know she goes crazy in there at least once a week. it’s the most fun when she’s pregnant and having wild cravings. she makes insane concoctions that literally do not taste good but she loves them. i have another random little unposted scene of adam finding her in the kitchen, acting like a mad scientist cooking three different things at once, and adam gets suspicious and asks if she’s pregnant again lmao. she laughs and says she isn’t, she just happened to be reading a cook book recently gifted to her and she couldn’t decide which to try first so she’s making 3 at once!!!!!!!! (but not combined. THAT would definitely be the indicator of another little one)

speaking of her babies!!!!!!!! gosh what can i say about my mama belle headcanons? one big and important one that i have is that she elects to nurse her own babies. which, as you can imagine, is super uncommon for a QUEEN to do. i elaborate on it in This Fic, but essentially she just couldn’t bring herself to adhere to the tradition of a wet nurse. i think because she wanted to find a way to be closer to the mother she lost as an infant, she wanted to do everything her mother did for her before she died. i think her pregnancies, ESPECIALLY her first, were when she thought about her mother the most. because… that was the most time they spent together 🫠 her mother died when belle was only three months old!!!! and she knew, of course, that her mother nursed her. i just think she felt this deep need to honor her & connect to her this way. and adam was originally advocating for a wet nurse, purely thinking about time efficiency, how busy belle is and how much work time she’d have to give up to do this, but after hearing her lament her mother and cry that she couldn’t be here to help show her how to be a mama… he understood. he knows how desperate one can be to connect to a lost mama :( so he supports his queen and they never hire a permanent wet nurse for their children! (there was a temporary one for a FEW times they HAD to go on small trips when they had a baby and they just couldn’t take her or him, but it was only under that kind of urgent/dire circumstance.)

i think belle is an absolutely iconic and very involved queen, but early on i think she struggles with it a lot. one of my favorite things to think about for her is how like… she was an outcast in the village, but she’s STILL an outcast in royal society. like i think she had this secret hope that this new position in life would be the answer; that she’d finally find her place. and she does eventually! but at first it’s rough. adam believes in her wholeheartedly and he LOVES that she is queen, but the rest of their court doesn’t fully take to her as easily. it’s strange enough that she came out of the woodwork, not from royalty, not even from a prominent noble family as far as they can tell! but As Queen she’s so much more involved than any of them could have anticipated. the older court and council members recall adam’s mother and grandmother, both very inactive queens (because they were very abused and disregarded by their husbands…) and therefore are confused by this sudden shift (especially because they KNEW of adam’s delinquency prior to meeting her, so they can’t fathom how he’s changed so much and is so supportive of her) and the younger court and council members just have no idea how to respond. they’re all willing to play the part and respect their queen, but then she’s… actually in meetings and actually sharing ideas and plans and making decisions and it’s like ???

and not even to mention, her ideas are very ahead of her time and forward thinking — and they don’t care for that shit at all! it’s just all very strange. and french court people are gossiping little pricks and so people talk about her a lot, and she feels just as isolated and different as she did in the village. she struggles a lot with it early on. and adam does everything he can to support her and comfort her and believe in her. but he also takes a lot of the blame for how she’s treated, because he feels like it’s his fault for bringing her into this life. even though she obviously chose all of this willingly. so, it’s just TOUGH. but time does carry on, and eventually belle does have the respect of her court, at least the vast majority of it. she does find her place in the end, it just doesn’t happen as swiftly as she had hoped.

gosh, okay, one last note that i will make much lighter: she loves loves loves loves loves LOVES to read to her children. which is obvious, i know, but oh my gosh. she just loves it. she loves when adam reads to them too, but i think something fills her heart so completely when she’s sitting with them gathered on the floor, or she’s in bed and they’re snuggled around her, she’s just whisking them away to all these adventures. reading was always her escape, and i think she likes that, for them, it’s just a way to expand their dreams. she loves teaching them so much, she loves watching their little minds expand with curiosity and creativity. she never really expected to become a mother, because she wasn’t going to let herself settle in that village, so now that she IS one, i think she just loves giving them the whole world. she loves listening to them read, too. she loves listening to them talk and sing and play and laugh. she loves being a mama so much more than she ever even considered. i think because she always attached that kind of thought to being in a loveless marriage in the village she’d be stuck in forever. but there’s so much love between her and adam, it always multiples with each of their three little babies. and she didn’t have to give herself up for any of it. she gets to be a brilliant queen; a student, a teacher, a leader, while still being the best wife and mama (and daughter!!) to the ones she loves the most. i just love writing her happily ever after so much. i think she was really beginning to lose hope in that village, and i love how it all changed, and that adventure in the great wide somewhere is always right at her finger tips :”)

[branwhen-will-the-pain-end]

I feel kinda guilty whenever I see an au where Kieran is only missing one eye cuz I took them both from him 🥲

My "Kieran "lives"" au MAJOR POINTS under the cut, minor points omitted cuz it would take hours to write out and explain everything and at that point it's just. A fic.

Editing to add I'm old and been in fandoms for a long time and stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I write what brings me catharsis. It's okay if it doesn't appeal to you but please don't yuck my yum. I like wringing the pain out of characters like an old dishrag.

(CW mild suicidal ideation, also SPOILERS)

(still a work in progress as I think and write but yeah idk)

- Both eyes removed

- Feels an absurd amount of grief and pain for leading the O'Driscolls back to camp. He equates this with "talking" and begs anyone to kill him. Says he doesn't want to live like this anyway. Mary-Beth is hurt by this but she refuses to leave his side.

- They get out chapter six. Dutch didn't want to let them go despite Kieran being BLIND and VULNERABLE TO PINKERTONS. Move in to Trelawny's old house in Saint Denis. (He moves because he worries his family has been compromised.) This house is behind a perfumery, where Mary-Beth works while she's writing her book. (Kieran loves how she smells nice.) Mary-Beth worries about Kieran and the stairs every day.

- This is something I'm passionate about when it comes to Kieran, idk how anyone else sees him, but he NEEDS a sense of purpose. Losing his eyes made him feel useless and having to rely on everyone all the time? It really brings him down. Mary-Beth finds him a job at that small horse pasture north of Saint Denis! All he does is brush horses and clean saddles (Branwen lives there and is kinda his seeing-eye horse) and barely makes any money but it's not the money that's important to him, it's the SENSE OF PURPOSE.

- They have a daughter named Delaney. Mary-Beth calls her by her full name, Kieran just calls her Laney. (on the topic of nicknames, Kieran calls Mary-Beth just "Beth") Laney is a daddy's girl who loves horses, going to work with him, and she talks and hums a LOT. Kieran loves this, he always knows where she is. He's brushing a horse in silence and she's talking about how many dandelions are in the field. He's happy.

- When Mary-Beth's books start selling, they move into a better house.

- Depressing shit alert: Kieran is hanged by the Pinkertons just to make a point. They ignored him for being benign, but when the events of rdr1 happen they realize they can use him to set a precedent. No outlaw is safe.

Anyway huehuehue I love him and I love angst and maybe I'm cringe but I'm FREE

[grapecaseschoices]

ty random dust or wte for blocking solas' eye. in this heart hurting, sad moment. >[

[bumblingbabooshka]

Live Fast & Prosper

[therichant]

So for the last 8 weeks, I’ve been walking daily, grilling or baking my food, and eating a shitload of veggies. This weekend I had a craving that just wouldn’t go away. So I gave into it, but I only made enough for two servings, today and tomorrow’s dinner. That way I won’t go back for seconds. I made spicy vinegar chicken, savory buttery succotash, and rice. I also made a strawberry lemonade (from scratch). Y’all, I love to cook it’s how I love on my people. I literally do a happy dance when I eat and if you are happily eating my food it warms my heart. If you visit and you’re hungry I will feed you and send you off with a to-go plate. I love hospitality and being hospitable. You get a well-made bed with good bedding, tucked tight and right. You get breakfast, all of the things.

Therapy and addiction mention below the cut.

When I say loving and appreciating good food and good ingredients all while being addicted to it ain’t easy! Ya girl wakes up thinking about dinner and goes to sleep thinking about breakfast. My therapist says food has replaced work (at the salon) which gave me a sense of purpose. Being behind the chair was workplace ministry for lack of a better word. My kids are grown and doing their own thing and I’ve also suffered some loss. My doctor was stunned by the amount of weight I put on within the last three years. I've even felt a drastic decline in my health within the last three years. My heart cusses me own on the regular. Saying "bitch I am not supposed to be working this damn hard" So I've been trying to do better and within a week I felt the difference and now I'm going on week 8. I'm supposed to be finding another outlet to feed my soul instead of constantly reaching for food. Humans are animals and like other animals, we should only eat when our body needs nourishment but food taste so damn good. It also releases endorphins and shit.

So my new methodology has been to only eat what you've cooked from scratch. If I want fries then I must peel and cut up potatoes and cook them. If I want chips I must do the same. If I want cookies they have to be from scratch. Needless to say that more often than not this method makes me reach for a piece of fruit or a small healthy snack instead. Because I can be bothered.

Still looking for that outlet that fills the void though. I volunteer at my local shelter a few times a month. My shade tree mechanic passed away recently and my car which lasted me for the last 20 years just died as well. Oh and did I mention it's been 9 years since my last kiss or anything else for that matter.

Saying all this to say ya girl needs to get a life or a new purpose in life because as much as I love this game it ain't it and it ain't real life. Food can no longer be my boyfriend. It can delicious and nourishing but boyfriend it can not be.

If you have read this far. Thank you and I love you. Bye xoxo Antwanyce

[fc-drawing]

Vol. 10

[seventhdiscipleworldwide]

Katt Williams Be Like :

[sapsolais]

-

[coredrill]

fans of the SPIRAL POWER SHOW when their movie theater chair starts spinning:

and more moviegoing/dub thoughts below the cut!!

okay. i'm gonna be as organized as possible about this but i am probably gonna be all over the place and add to it later LMAO. BUT.

4dx thoughts first: jesus fuck lmao. i've never actually been to a 4d movie before and i feel like this experience is NOT representative of what a normal movie would be like but they really shook us around huh!!! i think those seats only stopped moving when kamina died, and i say "i think" bc there may have been more times when they stopped but my ass was unawares because i still felt like i was moving anyways LMAO.

they played an interview with imaishi, koyama, and wakabayashi (most likely filmed at anyc) before the showing (they did it before my dub showing too, even tho i just saw that one in a regular theater) and these mfs are so funny i swear lmao. they were like "we wanted to use the effects to their fullest so we added in movement during the emotional scenes too!" and then wakabayashi was like "i fell out of my seat while watching!" and then imaishi was like "my keys fell out of my pocket and i almost left them in the theater because they were between the seats" and then they laughed and THEN wakabayashi was like "oh wait they're watching gurren-hen right? nvm they'll be fine" but like. that shit felt like a ROLLERCOASTER so WTF IS LAGANN-HEN GONNA BE!!!!!!!!!! it made me so curious so now i also plan to see the sub of that one in 4dx LMAO. me when i literally die because the insane ppl at trigger decided to mimic a galaxy being thrown at a giant mecha and wanted me to feel it.

also. they sprayed us with water during the scene where gurren lagann's spiral energy feeds back and simon/lagann throw up. and like. i mean i can't say i ever WANTED to get vomited on by my fav anime boy, but it sure did happen!

okay. friend-who-hasn't-seen-ttgl-before-thoughts next: i was REALLY surprised how much it hooked him considering that i've always viewed the movies as subpar compared to the show but it REALLY sold him on it!!! and i'm so happy cause idk if he ever would've made it through those first 7 episodes of the show without knowing what was to come lmao. unfortunately he can't make it next week so we'll have to watch lagann-hen later on, as well as the show proper, but i'm SO curious to see what he thinks. especially bc the only complaint he rly had (aside from being violently shaken LMAO) was that simon, kamina, and yoko were really the only characters he could keep track of. like even nia didn't show up early enough for him to really track what was going on with her i think!!

when it comes to lagann-hen i am SO curious what he'll think of rossiu. cause rossiu's my other favorite anime boy but DAMN they really give him like two seconds of screen time total in this movie LMFAO. and THEY DON'T EVEN ESTABLISH THAT HE IS FOREHEAD BOY?????? like they play that scene where kamina's like "i wanna give simon and gimmy and darry and forehead boy a good future" and my friend was like "WHO?" lmao. i guess you're just supposed to see the size of his forehead and come to your own conclusions FDLKSJFHSLKJ. and i did tell my friend that rossiu is Important in lagann-hen but i'm so curious as to whether that whole plot point will actually. like. make sense? and if he can track why rossiu is all of a sudden In Charge and Like That? idk but i can't WAIT to see it. similarly though i do wonder what he'll think of kittan's sacrifice cause kittan got a nothingburger this movie too LMAO.

when it comes to the show i am AGAIN curious what he'll think of rossiu, like what he'll think going from a smaller role for him in the film to a larger role in the show. cause obviously i am -_- at the downsizing but rossiu adds SOOOOOOOOO much to the show on the whole that i wonder if having a different first impression will frame him as a character differently??? IDK!!!! and ALSO i am curious what my friend will think WHEN EXTRA BITCHES START DYING AT THE END LMAO. like it's one thing to do from all of dai-gurren dying to them all living, but from them all living to DYING?????? i'm SO CURIOUS. i feel like watching these movies with him has me appreciating them more in the same way that watching eva with friends made me appreciate eva more too. except i like ttgl a whole heck of a lot more to begin with, even the movies, so i think this might just kill me entirely LMAO.

NOW. ONTO THE DUB.

prefacing this section with Holy Fuck I Am So Glad This Exists I've Cried Over It And Could Cry More. the fact that i've wanted this so bad and it HAPPENED. do the impossible i suppose but i can still HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S REAL. and listening to every single second of it was just a complete and total joy and i wouldn't trade it for anything <3

and now that the sappy stuff is outta the way SAM RIEGEL THE VIRAL THAT YOU ARE!!!!!! he did the ABSOLUTE BEST IMO, he still captured the same voice he did in the show dub AND he managed to like, have a coherent new take on some of the scenes? like during his first or second confrontation with kamina he had this more bored tone that worked SO WELL for me because. yeah!!!! viral thinks humans are inferior at that point, so he WOULDN'T be giving this battle 100%!!!! excellent choices all around and whenever they release this on home video i am gonna listen to this performance for like a week straight.

other generally great stand-outs were LORDGENOME ofc and also dayakka was pretty great too!! they didn't have a whole lot of changes but they worked well in the OG so they ofc worked well here too!! oh and kittan and his sisters too!!! they didn't get as much to do but kittan's still got it and if i heard correctly they even got the same VAs for his sisters too? like stephanie sheh kinon doesn't surprise me bc she's still so active in the industry but kiyal especially sounded rly similar in her like. three lines LMAO.

i WAS actually rly curious abt if they would recast leeron into literally anyone other than "steve blum doing a ~gay voice~" and uh. they didn't lmao. but tbh i think it worked for me anyways; the movies cut out so much of the blatant homophobic jokes which is one super nice thing about them, and also they were SO diligent with getting the rest of the cast back that it makes sense he'd come back too? like i didn't expect DAYAKKA to return but it sure sounded like the same guy to me, let alone the bachika sisters and gimmy and darry, so i get why they kept blum too and it was fine in most parts imo

i really liked bridget hoffman nia too!! she didn't sound the same as hynden walch ofc but i think she gave a great performance and i think it'll be really beneficial to have this sort of continuity of voice going between pre- and post-skip nia.

my adai kiddos...........well jyb didn't have a whole lot of lines as rossiu so i don't have much to say other than i think he did fine with what he had LMAO, i'm SOOOOOO excited to hear him in lagann-hen though!!! especially towards the end, where rossiu's belief gives simon et al the strength they need to finish the battle and win, and also the "so many others like us out there" line....... i MAY burst into tears hearing that in a theater LMAO. also it threw me off when they pronounced darry's name as "dairy" SKLDJFH

YURI LOWENTHAL............oh honey you do not sound like a fourteen year old boy anymore LMAO. it really sounded like he was putting in the EFFORT to make his voice as high as preskip simon's is haha. but his performance was still fucking amazing, especially in the hot-blooded parts where it needed to be, and tbh it was kinda sweet that he sounds different now? like, it's a charming reminder that even if it took a while, enough people loved this story hard enough that the dub got made FIFTEEN YEARS LATER, and simply typing that is making me tear up LMAO so yeah i obviously didn't mind. can't fucking wait to hear him as adult simon tho, that may awaken something in me yet again >:)

aaaaaaaand yoko and kamina lmao. obviosuly these are the hardest to judge because they also, alongside simon, have the most lines? so there is more material to compare LMAO. and both of them certainly gave very different performances that i'm not quite sure how to feel about yet. like the acting itself was still amazing, but it was different and not like sam riegel's in a way that was so obviously elevated that i'm having a bit more trouble parsing my thoughts lmao. like my knee-jerk reaction is "different, so not the thing i love, so worse" but that's not true!!! that's not true at all, and i think i may just need to hear it a few more times for the new inflections and what not to gel with me lmao. though i will say, like literally everyone else, that i think michelle ruff was directed differently as yoko - you could tell there was more effort to make her voice more nasally, or to use her head voice in general, or to sound more cutesy/girly. and i PERSONALLY don't think that's the right choice for yoko, as she's got so much more going on with her gender than just being a cute girl, but this is not the place for that discussion LMAO. so they certainly weren't bad by any means, i think they might just need a few more watches to grow on me the same way the show performances have. or just to have more fleshed-out opinions! anyways, 4k uhd english dubbed bluray WHEN aniplex.

overall the differences were SUPER interesting to hear tho!!! like i'm not well-versed enough in dubbing as a product of the late 00's versus now, but i imagine it's partially changed as an art form and that led to some of the performance differences. in general it was really funny when they slightly changed the dialogue and the lip flaps and pauses wound up in different places!!

the imaishi koyama wakabayashi interview mentioned the same thing that they said at anyc, that they were hoping to make a show that could last ten years. and now 15 years later it's STILL loved enough to get a whole ass new dub and theatrical release. and i just. i'm gonna make myself cry again LMAO, i love this story so much and it's been such a great experience <3

[switch-bladefights]

i would like to hear your i'm not okay epiphany pls

ok so this might be 'ok Jamie but we knew that' BUT (long post incoming oops)

TL;DR: revenge uses its concept as a metaphor for the wider emo scene at the time and is a microcosm of the 'us v. them' environment perpetuated in the budding emo subculture and 'not okay' sums that up and THAT'S why its on the album

disclaimer too omg no way do I wholly agree with the things I'm writing here its just arguments I've been making in my diss

I've been analysing revenge for my dissertation under the lens of the presentation of women in emo spaces in the early to mid 00s and when I started looking at revenge I was like wow ok there is not great rep here for women, and until recently I've kinda not really got why I'm Not Okay is on there bc at first glance it doesn't appear to fit the concept at all

ANYWAY so the album can be viewed as two halves separated by interlude, with the first half having a tendency to villainise women, especially the female demolition lover character (which granted, seems counterproductive as the male character wishes to be reunited with her). Gerard uses a lot of violent imagery (throughout bullets and revenge) because that's very much the concept and what he does but when I put on my academic hat and start saying things I don't necessarily agree with so I can get marks, you can make a case for a lot of it being in reference to women: "I wanna see what your insides look like/ I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside", "like the blade you stain", "got nasty blisters from the money she spends" "she even poked the holes so I can breathe" etc etc. This paints the woman as almost and 'eve' like character, making the man 'Adam'.

blah blah blah there is now a comparison of the demolition lovers to Adam and Eve, who obviously were tempted by Satan to eat the apple thus calling the fall of man from Paradise. However, it was Eve who ate the apple first, thus laying the foundations for hatred towards women like, forever. It is also Satan who makes the deal with the man in the concept (although now I'm realising maybe this makes him more like an Eve cos he was tempted and its some Gerard gender fuckery...... I'll have to think about that). So anyway it can be read as having some woman-blaming metaphors and imagery in the first half of the album, not that this was AT ALL uncommon in the scene as we all know MCR is one of the better bands for misogyny

so continuing on 'Interlude' acts as a turning point at the midpoint of the album and is a prayer in and of itself: "saints protect her now/ come angels of the lord/ come angels of unknown". it marks a turn towards an uptake in Christian religious imagery in the second half of the album.

the biggest religious image that is conveyed in the second half of the album is that of the fall, obviously most closely with the fall of Lucifer (shoutout to good omens for helping me remember all this religious stuff) yada yada as the focus shifts the woman turns from an Eve to a spectre as Gerard also uses way more references to memory. She's no longer a villain but a prize for completing his quest immortalised in his memory, a dream almost. She almost vanishes from the narrative as we focus on the fall of some guy.

The final line of Revenge is "they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now". This sums up the us v. them attitude and puts two positions before the listener: you either take the shot or you go down with your friends ("we're all" implying company, it's not "I'm dead now"), with the implication that it's better to go down fighting than be the person who kills. This mirrors a theme that Judith May Fathallah picks up on her book 'Emo' called "beta-male misogyny", whereby emo boys think they deserve the girls because they're somehow better than jocks- likely that they view themselves as more sensitive and therefore more worthy of love (and sex). Here too are the two parties doing the shooting and being shot.

SO Revenge mirrors the emo subculture of the early 00s, with us v. them rhetoric with emo boys positioning themselves as better than jocks, where the emo boy is the demolition lover and the jock is the thousand evil men in his way. As the emo boy ever does irl, the demolition lover fails and the jock wins again (maybe the jock is also satan idk). Oh yeah and the woman from the album and the girls irl are marginalised and made into trophies for the men.

AND I'm Not Okay summarises this. It's the ultimate us v. them song, It's I'M not okay v. YOU wear me out. The video is a classic high school battle of the geek v the jock with that final image of them squaring up (although yes I know the whole video is like well everyones not okay but whatever this whole post is a reach). It's there because it's a summary of the album, it IS the album stripped of the concept. No frills, just Revenge.

Anyways that's my piece and I know it's a stretch but what is a masters degree if not a year long stretch

[pixelwishess]

So assuming that everyone we see get a distress signal in v8 shows up at Shade in v10 there are going to be some absolutely wild interactions.

[inkykeiji]

*coughs up a pretty pink lung into my tiny, pillowy palms and offers it to dabi* for u <333

[sugarchains]

i know im for real tired bc i came home and immediately did my chores so i could go to bed early

like i barely sat down bc i dont want to get stuck i want to be in BED ive already showered and packed my bag for tomorrow

ALSO tomorrow is apparently prom, but idk if im gonna be a chaperone bc i never got a response email so like

do i bring my stuff????????????????/ do i just leave it here???????????????

idk

[bibleofficial]

im soo fucking high for 11am & im living for myself

[clownwwx]

emotional rambling!

this is my the-body-keeps-the-score season so I expected it to arrive, waiting patiently ever since January, a dreadful anticipation really. But pretending that it's not there, dear god, it can be so much more exhausting. So I just let it. I'm like "yeah, I know. It's time." I know exactly where it's going to hurt and for how long and what my trauma response is and how I feel around other people or away from them and all the deeply evil ways my own mind operates, how I become way too tired to nurture myself or heal or whatever the fuck. How I scowl at the mere idea of asking for help, the way I let out a proverbial hiss - I become deeply exhausting, deeply infuriating, deeply unpleasant to be around for longer than maybe two hours - so fucking dramatic. And I become so entrenched in myself, I feel like a big selfish idiot who is only capable of thinking of my own pain and how I just bleed and cry everywhere. My therapist is like "you need to feel your feelings to be able to let them go" and it's just so dark in here, I constantly struggle to find a way out, it's just endless, how do you even go past the whole feeling them part. I wish I was unabashed about my needs but putting my needs first has somehow always become another layer in this never ending wound, like a scab I keep picking at over and over. Fuck my needs - I don't know what I need anymore. I need to not have to say what my needs are. Who cares. Who cares.

Actually, I need my sanctuary - the one that's in my head. The windows are big and you can clearly see the sunset through them, it makes the entire area look golden. I initially started to write this with the intention of wanting to speak about my sanctuary actually. I was having a bad episode and I thought maybe it would be a good idea to write about my sanctuary. I came up with the concept of it late one night when I couldn't sleep and I was having a depressive episode. I was trying to comfort myself, or rather my inner child that was just so deeply upset and felt so betrayed by everyone and everything. In the image in my head, I am holding her tight in a comfortable bed. It is serene and the sunset light washes over the room. Our cat hops on the bed and cuddles near us. My inner child has calmed down and is not crying anymore, I am the adult that will keep her safe - the one she's always needed. The sanctuary is not just a place, it's my little magical world where my inner child is allowed to scream and jump and play and talk as much as she wants without being reprimanded for it.

She also has magical powers and can do telekinesis. Yeah that's right! Telekinesis (like Matilda)! She reads all the books ever. She knows so much! She knows of violence, all different types of them, but she has not experienced any of it - because I have kept her safe. In our little home, she can fall asleep anywhere! Whenever she wants! Wherever she wants. And it's so easy! It makes me so happy whenever I see her take a nap without a single worry in her head. She wears anything she wants to, sometimes she likes dresses, other times she likes baggy pants and a hoodie. She cuts her hair however short she wants or she lets it grow however long she wants, and she looks so cute in any style. In our sanctuary, she plays with our cat, and she reads books, and she watches her favourite movies, and sings loudly (and badly) and she never feels alone or abandoned, because I am there with her. Throughout all the tantrums, and emotional episodes, and moments of confusion or distress. This is the sanctuary. It's not just a place, you see, it's holy; to her and me. We have each other throughout it all, and one day we will figure out how to also allow someone else in here. Someone kind and understanding and patient and sweet and loving. Someone who gets confused and distressed just like we do but it's okay because we are there for each other, we can depend on each other.

And I guess that's what my needs are after all. It's my the-body-keeps-the-score season and I know I'll be okay. I will not abandon myself, I will let myself cry and feel and I will trust myself to know the way out. After all, I am the adult that makes me feel safe, the one I can trust.

[satorena]

✧.* BUT I LASTED TEN ROUNDS LIKE A FREAK !?

featuring. g. satoru, f. toji, n. kento, g. suguru, k. choso

warnings. explicit content, foul language, lots of unrealistic expectations (note. title itself), overstimulation (m+f), dickdrunk!reader, dumbification, usage of toys, squirting, spanking, very light spit play, anal, 69 position, breeding kink, unprotected sex, toji’s kinda mean and choso can’t tell the difference between pussy and an asshole. if i forgot anything else my bad !

rena’s note. BUT I LASTED TEN ROUNDS LIKE A FREAK !!! LIKE A G !!!

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔.

“fuh—fuck, oh shit, hah fuck— ‘ts so fuckin’ good!”

you bounced up and down his cock, surface of your palms pressed at the planes of his chest. you enveloped his length entirely, every single inch, in your pulsating pussy, driving the both of you to madness.

it’d been hours, and for whatever was in the air tonight, you both fucked like wild animals. your thighs burned from over-exhaustion, but you were relentless. you were desperate for another orgasm, the slide up and down his inches effortless due to your juices soaking his thighs and his cum from having nutted inside you multiple times prior.

gojo’s firm hands grabbed at your ass, fingers gripping tightly into your soft flesh, grounding you in position so you wouldn’t run. as if you would anyway, tongue lolled out and drool leaking from your rosy tongue and dribbling down his bottom lip.

“that’s it,” he encourages you, a faint smirk at his lips as he guides you down his length. the fucked out look on your face, your dazed eyes crossing to the centre of your face serves a huge ego boost. “my pretty girl—fuckin’ ride this dick baby, ‘s all yours—mmh,”

the sinful sound of your pussy squelching, folds latching at the tip of his dick before ramming yourself down, the lustful melody of your skin slapping against him in addition to the firm spanks of encouragement on your ass, with your high pitched mewls and squealing sounded like divine music to gojo’s ears.

you rocked your hips back and forth, grinding down, went back to bouncing up and down, made circles and figure eight shapes on his length, mindlessly dragging your hips wherever felt fit. you were so far past a point of euphoria you weren’t even sure if liquids could come out of you for the rest of the night.

“eyes here princess,” gojo brings a hand to cup your jaw, forcing your head back down to face him. “pretty pussy’s griping me so tight—fuck,”

your sweaty foreheads press together, and you clock that he knew you were on the brink of yet again another orgasm. cerulean orbs peered deeply into yours, his hips jerking up and meeting your bounces, aiming to bring you to that high as quickly as he can.

“sa—satoru!” you find is the only thing that comes up in your mushed out brain, the new angle of the position having his dick puncture your cervix. you felt so fucking full of him, so drunk on the pleasure that you failed to notice the coiling in your stomach snapping.

he squeezes at your ass cheeks as hard as he can, the painful pleasure obliging you to sit and take his ramming. he fucks into you with intensity, each drag of his cock at your walls sending you into a temporary state of immobility. your muscles tense as you feel yourself wash with yet again another white-blinding orgasm.

your jaw drops and your eyes roll back, throat exhausted while nothing yet everything is said. satoru pumps his creamy cum back into your womb, praising you for taking him in so well, for having a perfect pussy that’ll surely carry his children, all snug and warm for him.

“perfect fuckin’ pussy—mine, all mine, gonna fuck her full of my nut and have you carrying my babies, yeah? ‘s what you want, isn’t it? atta. fuckin’. girl.”

𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈.

“whew, would’ya look at that?” toji whistles, barking out a chuckle as he slows his pace, watching your uncontrollably clenching pussy squirt out your juices like a leaking faucet.

the pressure of your squirting is fucking intense, it has your entire body shaking, thighs quaked and the arch that was once on your back rounded. toji can’t help but laugh as tears stream down your damp cheeks, absolutely in love with how greedy your pussy clamped down on his cock.

“daddyyy—fuck!” your nails claw at the damp sheets on the bed, letting your nth orgasm rake throughout your body.

you feel a firm blow at your ass cheeks, the sound echoing in the room and you whine loudly at the stinging pleasure. you feel two big hands grab at your hips, stabilizing your limp body before a hand rises up and pushes your back into that curve.

“nah uh doll,” toji tuts, hips angling at a new position, one that draws a broken mewl from your sore throat. he picks his pace back up, never fully bottoming out, though you wouldn’t even notice with how many inches he packed.

“what’d i tell you?” he reminds you, and you’re too fucked out to answer him as you mumble his name over and over, helplessly taking the stretch of his dick at your gaping cunt.

he slaps your ass harshly again and you cry, fingernails scratching and clawing at the silk material beneath you. your scalp soon stings as he grabs a handful and effortlessly brings you upper body up to meet him.

“answer me when i ask you somethin’ baby,” toji frowns, hot breath fanning the shell of your ear, sending chills of nerves down your spine. “basic fuckin’ manners.”

“suh—sorry, ‘m sorry toji!” you apologize feverishly, and moan in satisfaction when his tongue laps up your drool and tears streaking your ruined yet pretty face.

“tsk, should have you do the work yourself,” toji teases you, releasing the deathly grip on your hair, causing your limp body to flop back to the mattress. as if proof to avoid calling his bluff, he releases his hold on you, opting to cross his arms above his head instead.

“n-no! toji, no, please, said i was sorry—‘m so fucking sorry!” you whine and ramble when you feel the lack of contact on your body, and your gaping cunt suddenly emptying.

you slither your hand between your thighs, grabbing at his girthy cock, pumping it a few times before slipping it with ease back into your welcoming warmth. you moan wantonly, clawing at your sheets as you fuck yourself on his dick, pushing yourself back and forth.

“greedy fuckin’ pussy,” he comments with a chuckle, spitting a glob of saliva down to your cunt, watching it dissipate into the creamy pearly veil of your essence around the base of his shaft.

he collects your slick with his thumb, before slipping his fingertip into your puckering hole, your body jolting at the sudden intrusion.

“trappin’ me inside—shit, want me to fuck you full of my cum, yeah? leave you swollen and leakin’, dontcha, pretty baby?”

𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎.

“‘s too much ken—no more, hah, no more kento!”

you whined and begged, fists clenching as your muscles tensed, back arching off the mattress and toes curling while digging your heel at his shoulder blades. the sound of buzzing filled your hearing, the toy vibrating against your swollen clit ruthlessly while nanami fucked your cunt open with two thick fingers.

“mmh, safe word princess, or else i can’t hear you.” he reminds you, the words ghosting off his lips and sinking into your supple flesh, his lips trailing soft and gentle kisses at your inner thighs.

here he was, giving you an out, and despite claiming enough was enough, you didn’t want it to end just there. with your senses heightened, both your sight and touch restrained, the pleasure emitting from in between your thighs buzzed blissfully and tenfolds through your nervous system.

you released the clench of your hands and opted to scratch at the wood of the headboard you were tied to, projecting your want to touch your boyfriend through the clawing.

“i can keep—hnng—going!” you tell him, legs closing in on the sides of his head. you hear him tut disapprovingly, and you immediately fault your mistake, forcing your legs back open.

“there’s my good girl,” his honeyed voice rings through your ear drums, and it admittedly has you dripping even more on his fingers that curled at your insides. “just need one more from you—can you do that for me?”

you nod your head, bottom lip tucked between your teeth, “mmh, yes—yes i can kento!” you can feel your blood circulation cutting off at the areas were you’re bind, the shortage of blood messing with your already weak body.

the toy playing at your bundle of nerves is painful, having overstepped the boundary of comfortableness and stepping into a new territory of foreign, and you had failed to notice when nanami added in a third finger. you were sure with how much you came just on his hands alone, his watch was drenched in your juices.

those big fingers fuck you open, knuckles pressing into your spongy walls and triggering all sorts of pleasurable feelings throughout you, your stomach tightening into a familiar hot feeling, and you know you’re close again.

“kento, baby i—‘m gonna—fuckkk!” you want to card your fingers through his soft hair, tug and pull and release your pleasure onto his scalp.

“let go for me sweetheart, wanna taste your sweet essence,” nanami swaps the toy for his tongue and flicks at your clit. you feel the dam in your gut release at the sudden warmth exhibiting, and you spray him in pathetic squirts of your juices.

your body trembles as it contracts and gives nanami everything you have left to offer. you squeeze his head in your thighs, moaning wildly as his pace with his fingers never falters, urging you to stay in the state of euphoria a bit longer.

he swaps his tongue out for the toy again, and you wail out a broken cry, body at its limit, still stuck between coming down from your orgasm and greedily wanting another one.

he strokes your slit, collecting all your essence as he licks his lips eagerly.

“good job princess. taste so heavenly, i’ve never had anything like it before. i’ve gotta have another sip, will you let me have another taste, my love?”

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔.

“c’mon, focus sweetheart. do that f’me, yeah?”

you nod your head, mouth too full of dick as you opt to bob up and down. your jaw aches, feeling as though it’s being ripped apart. you force your aching wrist to work up and down geto’s cock, stimulating what you fail to get down your throat.

it would’ve been a simple task for you to focus on, had suguru not been feasting on your pussy like a starved man. he spreads your folds open, tonguing at your insides as if he dug for gold, grabbing both your cheeks in his big hands and spreading you open. he never half assed anything, much less pussy eating.

his skin was soaked in your squirt, orgasms came rolling in and out of you as did the occasional pumps of two fingers into your cunt while he ate you out. you would moan in pleasurable pain, the sounds vibrating on his shaft, which would induce him to moan into you, causing you to moan back on him, the cycle this repeating.

you were greedy—you could complain about how it was too much all you wanted, at the end of the day, you would pause on his cock to grind your hips back and forth on his face, the slip from your slick on his cheeks and nose making the grinding easier.

his nose would bump into your clit and you’d shiver from head to toe, the oversensitivity catching up to you. the free hand at your ass cheek would graze at your puckering hole but never dared to slip inside. all these mixes of stimulations had your eyes crossing, mouth gaping wide which made fucking your throat much easier for geto.

“sweetest cunt i’ve ever had,” he groans in between your thighs, bringing his hand to spank at your wet folds, and your arch your back at the stinging pleasure, your toes curling as your body shook.

the slap at your pussy made flicks of your juices land on his face, and so he landed a few more blows while simultaneously jerking his hips up into your mouth, forcing you down on his cock.

it was all too much— it hurt so good, the strikes at your cunt, his tongue lapping your liquids as he scissored your insides for additional pleasure. how was he expecting you to get him to finish for a second time when he was driving you to the brink of yet again another countless orgasm?

“wanna soak in your juices mama,” he speaks, mouth full of cunt, but you still grasp the message. you subconsciously push your hips back into his face, wanting to abide to his request.

“‘m so fuckin thirsty—don’t you dare be selfish with me. cum in my mouth. be the good girl i know you are and share yourself with me—need it, pretty girl.”

𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎.

“y’feel so good, fuck—sucking me in, oh shit baby, never wanna stop fucking you! please, need your pussy always!”

he’d finally gotten a feel of sex for the first time, and he was already hooked. his locks matted to his forehead from sweat trickling down his nose and plopping down onto you.

“wait—slow d-down cho’—hngg!” you moan, nails clawing at his back, scraping and marking the pale skin. you felt your body recoil entirely with each sharp thrust he pounded into your worn out pussy, dragging each and every inch of his length in and out.

your knees were bent at your ears, feet dangling by his head as his hips slammed into the back of your thighs, marking the skin red from the brash contact. the springs from your bed resonated loudly in the room, as did the creaking of your headboard, but nothing topped choso’s loud whimpers.

he’s too lost in his own pleasure, he starts to mistaken to stinging and achy feeling in his gut and loins for a sign to keep going, “never wanna stop—shittt, need to fuck this pretty pussy every. fucking. day.”

you’ve given up on convincing him otherwise, focusing instead on the rise and fall of his hips digging into yours, stretching your pussy open to fit him inside. you creamed around his dick, your essence resting at the hairs on his pubic area, giving him easy access to slide in and out of you.

his arms wrapped around you tightly, refusing to let you out of his grip, one arm beneath your back and holding you from there and the other wrapping around your shoulders. you were stuck in his embrace, bodies moulding into one as you were split open by a fucked out first timer.

in his excitement, he slips out and wastes no time to grab his base and shove it back into a warm tightness, failing to acknowledge your sudden gasp. his mind is clouded with sex, and if he didn’t know better, you were suddenly much fucking tighter, and shit that drove him on edge.

your arms tighten behind his back as you adapt to the sudden intrusion from an area you hadn’t yet explored. “cho—baby wait—mmhm, fuck, that’s my—!”

“‘m gonna cum—fuck y/n, tell me you’re close too. shit, need to fill you up with my cum, please!” the man seals his lips onto yours, panting and begging for this next orgasm, shifting all of his body weight into the hole that keeps greedily latching onto him.

your eyes water as they stream tears down your cheeks. it’s a new and painful sensation, but simultaneously a pleasurable one, and your body granted you the opportunity of yet again another orgasm from the different stimulation. “hah—gonna cum!—make me cum, choso!”

you spray yourself all over, your pussy clenching around absolutely nothing as your ass gets rammed into and fucked like a pro. choso groans and whines against your lips, brows furrowed at the centre of his forehead as he empties himself into your warmth.

“fuck yes—take it all baby, ‘s all yours—need you to milk me and take it all in—your pussy’s the best, i swear to everythin’, shit!”

i am SO tired.