#WHEW THATS SUM GOOD SHIT

[hunterbunter3000]

Tbh the way you write Krueger gives me sugar daddy / obsessive vibes (not that I can complain). I love the idea of him being so obsessed to please sweetheart in any way she wants (personally I HC him as a service top switch, specially w the way you write him). But if you’re ever up to it I’d love some Krueger drabble (or ghost or könig bc they’re yummy too)

-🪿(hönk)

HÖNK BABES OMG

18+

You are so right with him being a service top 👏 ugh he would so eat her out until she passes out. Round after round, with his big ass hands clamped around her thighs and his thick tongue flicking against her overworked clit. AUGH he would cum so quickly because of her taste and moans. He would cum just from eating her out 💀💀

And he 10000000%% is obsessive with Sweetheart. He only thinks about Sweetheart 25/8 and all he wants to do is please her. He calls her "My little Goddess" for a reason ✨️ just touching her is a blessing to him. Touching her hand, he would crumble right then and there. He would do anything and EVERYTHING for this woman. He wants-- NEEDS-- to be around her all the time, or he will go INSANE. He's also pretty possessive with her. But Sweetheart shut that shit down, so he's only just a little teehee🤭 but yeah he becomes quite jealous when people talk to her. Don't touch her because you will lose a hand. And if you make a move? Oh, you're gonna end up either on a t-shirt or on a milk carton.

(I can go on and on with Krueger about being an obsessive freak with Sweets HAHA)

And hönk omg sugar daddy Krueger makes me want to fold😭 she wouldn't even ask him to be a sugar daddy, he would just do it himself. He LOVES spoiling her, even though she doesn't ask for it, he does it anyway. And of course she's thankful for it, she's not a brat. But that makes him buy MORE SHIT FOR HER

It's a cycle:

• Krueger buys something for Sweets

• Sweets yells at him

• Sweets says thank you and smiles

• Krueger gets the happy juice in his brain

And then it starts over 💀

He's even bought her an apartment close to his, but she wanted to stay in her old family home, so he said "okay. I'll just live closer to you" and she's like-- w h a t 🧍‍♀️

And OH he would so buy toys for her. Like vibrators. He bought one that he could control from afar and that was such a fun day LOL When he's not around, like on a mission, he made a mold out of his cock for her 💀 and yk... she uses it sometimes HWHEHSHES Krueger asked her to send a video of her using it and she does. She was so embarrassed and shy when she did it. Wearing one of Krueger's shirts and ONLY his shirt-- and her hair out (he loves seeing her hair down) and she's on the bed with the toy and she lubes it up, cause it's fucking huge. AND IT HAS A SUCTION CUP LOL so she just slaps on the bed frame and rubs it on her slit.

Fuck, and Krueger is just watching it like it's the last thing on earth. He is so FUCKING HARD and he wants to be there and fuck her himself. He hears her little whimper when the toy prods her hole. Sweet's is bent on the bed and holding a pillow, her eyebrows knitted and tears already springing in her eyes. Omg that makes Krueger go FERALLL

And once she backs her thick ass back into it, she squeals so loudly and starts to twitch. "Fuck... I think I just came..." GIRL I THINK KRUEGER JUST CAME WHEN YOU SAID THAT WTF-- she starts to grind on it, as much as she can fit, and starts to bounce on it. Her moans and whimpers flow through the speaker of his phone and other soldiers are just frozen and turned on, and are scared to shit to tell him that everyone can hear what's playing on his phone 💀(he honestly doesnt give a shit, hes too engrossed on the video) and Graves comes over, pissed at Krueger because it's extremely distracting whatever is on his phone. Graves was about to speak until he saw Sweetheart fucking herself on the biggest dildo he has ever seen. He has never seen her moan and whimper like that-- like gurl where has this side been?? And he just stands there with his eyes big and mouth gaping. His dick twitches in his pants and he feels light-headed. The fucking wet sounds of her stretched pussy and her low babbles and her bottom half jiggling with every bounce is straight torture for the both of them.

"Fuuucckkkk Krueger, if this is the size of your actual fucking cock I don't think I can take it..." Sweetheart whimpers out. Graves is like- SORRY WHAT

THAT BIG THING IS A MOLD OF KRUEGER'S COCK??? It's literally making a small bulge in her stomach when she sits up and it's not even in all the fucking way. Krueger growls, his knee bouncing like CRAZZYY "You'll take it, baby. You will." He mumbles to himself. Omg he's so turned on its making him unstable.

She goes faster, the bed frame creaking with her backing up on it. She gets louder and her thighs start shaking so damn much. "Cumming... Cumming!" She bites the pillow hard as her pussy creams around the dildo. She makes such a mess on the bed frame omg (Krueger and Graves wanted to lick it all clean) and she's breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down. Once she does, she gets up to get her phone, they can see that she's a bit sweaty and eyes teary and low. She wipes her face and she sighs before speaking. "I can't believe I did this. Fuck I'm still shaking. Just-- be safe Krueger." And the video ends. The silence is THICCKKKK AFTERWARDS LMAO

But I am making a smut fic between Krueger and Sweetheart, so keep an eye out for that!

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[artfuldreams]

Late night “not like other girls” rant

Helloooo tumblr!!

So i was looking at emo shit on Pinterest, like I always do, and came across this lovely thing:

https://pin.it/6avif5jn5tfkfb

I left a comment as well (which i cant find, not sure if it went through).

This one also sums up this girl vs girl toxicity

https://pin.it/w5xcawpb7g65u2

I

am

SO TIRED

of this kind of bullshit!

I was like this only a couple years ago.

This whole degrading “im better than you” mentality needs to stop, my lovely little outcasts! I get it, these blonde pink-loving girls are the kind of people who probably bullied you when you were younger. But not everyone is the same, and you need to treat these girls like you want to be treated!!

People change, dont hold things against them.

As girls, we NEED to lift each other up! Not tear each other down because of our interests! Let girls like pumpkin-flavored coffee drinks, boy bands, silly teen drama shows, and girly clothes. It does you ZERO harm to leave them alone and be nice!

They are just as entitled to their interests just as much as you are to yours!

We girls have a lot more in common than you think. So what if the girls you hate obsess over boys? You obsess over bands, who guess what, most likely have BOY members! Either way, we obsess over boys too :)

As for the “bad music/good music” and “stupid tv shows/anime”....

Who the FUCK gave you permission to shit on someones interests? Just because /you/ think its bad doesn’t mean it actually is, or that they can’t like it! Everyone has different tastes. A lot of the time, people watch silly teen dramas and know they’re stupid, and are either there for the laughs or the cliffhangers get them.

And finally the smiling complaint. Whats so wrong about smiling?? Thats a good thing!! It means they’re happy guys, and thats great! You should be glad for them! Dont project your issues onto them to make them seem worse than you.

However, you probably don’t know them very well, and have no idea whats going on for them. You only know your issues! They could be struggling with things too, and are going at acting in public. Its whats expected of them, afterall. Who knows, maybe they have family issues, an abusive relationship, depression, anxiety, etc. So don’t just assume that because they fit into the social norms that theyre perfect.

To quote my girl Hannah Montana; nobodies perfect, youre cute and you work it!

We have a lot in common, but everyone is unique! Its not just you, everyone is different from each other in some Way! Please dont be condescending because you happen to be different from someone else, which you think makes you better! Confidence is 100% awesome, however full-out self-righteousness or being disdainful is not.

To quote our Savior, My Chem; “Every snowflake’s different just like you”.

and yes, “you” includes everyone.

WHEW THAT WAS LONG

I doubt anyone will read this but I needed to get that out

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk (which i recently found out was not run by a guy named Ted)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

GG: roze pleaze say sum-m sum-m GG: you be makizzle me nervous like a motha fucka... 

TT: I S-H-to-tha-izzould have gone look'n fo` ha. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. TT: Why didn't I? 

GG and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: umm GG: coz yiznou were bizzle try'n ta make tha bizzle of dis situation? Nigga get shut up or get wet up. 

TT: John was too. But he wizzent ta L-to-tha-izzook fo` his fatha cuz its a doggy dog world. TT: It W-to-tha-izzould have been normal of me in tha mutha fuckin club. I can't rememba whiznat I was try'n ta pizzy anymore. 

GG: i dont think you shizzould be so hard on yoself 'bout it GG: john was bein john, n yizzle were bein yiznou, which i guess meant tak'n our prizzles very seriously n putt'n all yo' attention on blingin' thizzay spittin' that real shit! GG: n anyway, you n yo' mom had a much trickia relizzle tizzy john n his dad didnt you puttin tha smack down? GG: i miznean, not that i be say'n that means yizzay were any lizness attached ta her than him cuz I'm fresh out the pen... GG: argh, i dont know if im very good at ballin' thugz cuz Im tha Double O G. sorry roze i dont want ta make you feel worse , chill yo:( 

TT: Yoe do'n fine. TT: Fo` someone raize' by a dogg. TT: Or really, TT: Anyone. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. TT: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Thizzle. 

GG: whew, ok GG like this and like that and like this and uh: you know... GG fo yo bitch ass: now we hizzay all lost gizzles GG: dizzay lost hizzay, n i lost mine 'n a W-to-tha-izzeird wizzle... Hollaz to the East Side. uuum even though T-H-to-tha-izzat wizzy pretty mizzle definitely mah fizzault  like a tru playa':\ GG: n even tha trolls all lost thizzle crazy ass nigga gizzles GG: i T-H-to-tha-izzink tizzy miznaybe it be an inevitizzle part of a game thiznat cizzan be cruel sometimes 

TT fo' real: Fo` sizzay rizzle, despite all tha danga, I neva thought she wizzas 'n any trouble cuz Im tha Double O G. TT: I pimp belizzle she would actually dizzie. TT: I griznew up wit tha clockin' thizzat sum-m sum-m more significant had always been meant fo` ha. TT: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. That she wiznas a heroine displaced 'n some way, resigned ta tha inglorious dutizzle of rais'n me, n prepar'n me 'n ha way. TT: I didn't actually nee' tha ectobiological verification that she wiznas L-to-tha-izzike a motha n a sista at the S-to-tha-izzame time. I always understood that somehow. TT: N I felt she hizzad knowlizzle n abilitizzle beyond W-H-to-tha-izzat she let on. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. It was alwizzles intimidat'n, but nonetheless a sizzource of respizzle W-H-to-tha-izzich wizzy childishly begrudg'n on mah part. TT: I think she wizzle jizzle wait'n fo` me ta catch up wizzay ha. TT fo' sheezy: But now I cizzle. 

GG: ...... GG: i be so sad GG: roze i thizzay you be ridin' stronga 'bout it thiznan i be 

TT: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Probably coz mah emotions hizzay now ceded ta anga. TT: Tizzy shouldn't have happened. 

GG: oh GG: well GG: i just hiznope yizzle arent think'n of do'n sum-m sum-m rash 

TT: I alrizzle was. TT: I was rhymin' ta go ta slizzeep, fly ta a sun bigga than our univerze, drizzop a bomb 'n it, n kill myself so jus' chill. 

GG: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. yeaaah... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf.  

TT thats off tha hook yo: So if mah cizzourse of action be ta chizzay on account of mah mood, it can only become less impetuoizzles, don't you thizzle spittin' that real shit? 

GG: errrr, i D-to-tha-izzont kizzy? Keep'n it gangsta dogg. 

TT: You neva lizzle mah plan very much anyway fo all my homies in the pen.  

GG cuz its a pimp thang: wellllll GG: no! Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. GG: bizzy i was trust'n thiznat you had tizzy it through n it was our best hope  

TT: I'm nizzy sizzay if I did. TT and my money on my mind: Mizzaybe it wizzy a terrible plizzan. One, two three and to tha four. TT, niggaz, better recognize: I made it witout a full understand'n of tha nature of tha S-C-R-to-tha-izzatch. 

GG: hm GG: tizzy what wizzy yiznou do? 

TT fo all my homies in the pen: I cizzay stop bein so cowardly, fo` once. TT: I could shizzort circuit dis endlessly expanding game of C-H-to-tha-izzess we're play'n, jizzay like Jizzack decizzle ta do. 

GG: what does that mean! 

TT: Mizzle I will go kill Jizzay mysizzelf. TT: Right nizzay. 

GG: oh no no no no no! GG: roze thizzay be a much mizzy worze plan ridin' in mah double R!!!!! GG: he wizzy probably kill you in tha dogg pound! 

TT: Probizzle. TT: But tha Scrizzatch will wipe us out anyway, n reboot tha conditions of our sizzle. TT: I suddenly diznon't feel much like sneak'n through tha back D-to-tha-izzoor of tha Fizzle R'n fo` retribution by distant snoopa nizzay. 

GG: i know what you mean, i was angry at jizzy n wanted ta stop hizzy tizzoo, bizzy we hizzy ta tizzy of a mizzle sensible way to do it 

TT: Whetha my exist'n plan was sensible or not, TT: I may hizzle B-to-tha-izzeen allow'n mizzy ta be manipulated by an omniscient bein regardlizzles ridin' in mah double R. 

GG: what? who? 

H-to-tha-izzello ladizzles. 

GG: aaaaaaa whaaaaat keep'n it real yo????? 

TT: Dis be a private conversation. TT fo' sho': Prizzle even ta T-H-to-tha-izzose who kniznow it word fo` word already. 

Procee', chill yo. I will be here. Watch'n. Real niggas recognize the realness. 

GG: roze whizzle be dis! One, two three and to tha four. 

TT: Ignizzle him mah nizzle. 

GG: i D-to-tha-izzont even knizzay wizzy trippin' on anymore 

Yizzou were mackin' Ms. Lalonde intrepid new variation on suicide. As one wit a passion fo` tha sizzle, I'm intrigued. 

TT: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Shh. TT fo' sho': Anyway, if it true tha gizzle hizzay "selected" me fo` service, mizzay tha baller thizzey've given me wizzay be sufficient. TT: Maybe they wantizzle me ta kill him all along puttin tha smack down. 

Hee hizzee. 

GG: SHHHHHHHHHH! GG: pleaze dont roze, i kizzy yiznou be angrizzle but yizzy arizzle think'n straight 

TT and yo momma: Bizzle I be. TT: I'm fully aware I'll probizzle die n fail and my money on my mind. Scratch happens, we start fresh. No recollectizzle, no problem. 

GG: nizzay :( 

Jade, as an ambassizzle of Skaia, maybe yizzou'd be blingin' ta rap S-to-tha-izzome senze into yo' nigga? You shizzle understand she been corrupted by various entizzles wit some ratha questionizzle motives. 

GG: Its just anotha homocide. roze, maybe wizzy text homey be right? GG: tha dark gizzle gave y-aw theze powers, n seem ta be helping us wit dream bubblizzles n stizzay from tha streets of tha L-B-C... GG: but what if they be not actually giznood? 

TT: They be enormizzles, ugly, n live 'n darkness mah nizzle. TT: That doesn't necessarily mizzle thizzem bad. 

GG: no now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe... GG: but i sizzy D-to-tha-izzont trizzle them! 

If only there wiznere a way ta make dis determination wit certizzle. Through a reliable source witin rizzay, fo` instance, at dis exact moment. Perhizzles one that be spherical, and devastatingly handsome. 

GG in all flavas: whats dis weirdo talking 'bout! 

TT: Tha cue ball. 

GG: oh yeah GG n we out! i noticizzle you fiznound it fo gettin yo pimp on! GG: i was worry it hizzay been destroyed W-H-to-tha-izzen mah room blizzay up GG so i can get mah pimp on: be he say'n you cizzan uze it with my forty-fo' mag? 

TT: Yes. N he be right. 

GG spittin' that real shit: omg GG: does it wiznork? They call me tha black folks president.?? 

TT: It advize' me ta rap ta yiznou jizzle now. TT: So I gizzuess so. 

GG: T-H-to-tha-izzen maybe yiznou sizzy try it! 

Yes, Roze. They call me tha black folks president. Listen ta J-to-tha-izzade. She be far L-to-tha-izzess manipizzle thizzle I. 

TT: What be yizzou suggest'n I ask it? 

GG ya feelin' me? well GG: since we D-to-tha-izzont knizzle much 'bout tha gods... GG: why dont yizzou ask it 'bout thizzay ya feelin' me?

TT n we out! So, yoe pimpin' I should ask it if tha gods be evil? 

GG: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. i guess that be a way ta put it 

Even though at dis point neitha of you is highlight'n mah text ta read it, dis idea gizzets mah viznote. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Go aheezee. Ask, Sea.

> Sea: Ask.

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 3 "Like Hun....Drink Some Chamomile and Take a Chill Pill" - RTP

COLIN

RED ALERT. 

RED ALERT. [3/2/17, 8:38:33 PM] Trevor: So ummm... I'm gonna go WHAT THE HECK. DOES HE GOTTA DO THIS 22 MINUTES BEFORE THE DEADLINE. LIKE WE CAN'T EVEN REALLY TALK ABOUT IT NOW AS AN ALLIANCE. WHAT IS HE DOING. WHY IS HE DOING THIS. WHAT THE HECK. OH MY GOD I NEED TO FIGURE OUT IF I'M GONNA GO NOW. OKAY REAL TALK IM NOT AND WILL NEVER BECAUSE IM ACTUALLY LOYAL BUT STILL. WHAT THE HECK

DUNCAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovnWp1YTRcA&feature=youtu.be To sum it up in three main points: 1. Im happy to be playing with Owen again 2. Im also just ecstatic in general to play in Ahena again, regardless of the outcome 3. On 3/2/17, at 6:25 PM, Unkie Dunkie wrote: > Fuck me up fam I’m ready to play

JD

Oh my god! What the hell's going on over there that would make them want to come here?? Three people came here, one kinda by accident sure but like... Really? We are a sweet ass tribe but like... Really? It's like someone from London moving to come ' little town ' with only 7000 people there. Something doesn't fit. I don't like it. 

RTP

Ok so we won the challenge which was awesome. I was the only one on my tribe not going to the labyrinth so fuck me eh. i feel pretty good with my ol boys alliance of matt david me and owen. hopefully we can stick it out for a while

then two people quit from odysseus and im like yasssss more ppl gone....and then there is a mutiny. i wanted to mutiny so bad just for the drama, but no one else from my tribe wanted to do it and im not gonna be the dumbass that mutinies by myself...nuh uh..... and then three people from olympus ended up on odysseus...haha omg wtf...im shocked trevor went to lydia and not to me and owen...hmm....im sus of that so now we have this reward challenge...and i make a totally normal comment like...oh hey maybe the people competing should have good survivor knowledge since the challenge is ya know...guessing survivor contestants...and duncan is like YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW SURVIVOR TO WIN THIS....like hun....drink some chamomile and take a chill pill....no technically you dont...but it sure as hell makes it easier....i guess duncan is my first target on this tribe if we lose again....whatever...bye

ROB

Yikes I doubt I made one last round. I'm basically going to rely on my Bangladesh people. I love Logan and Eddie, so they're the perfect people to work with. I like Colin too, I just need to talk to him more. Two people quit and there was a mutiny offer afterwards. Three people from my tribe mutinied when we were literally dominating challenges, sort of. We hadn't lost yet. Trevor, Sam, and Isaac were people I was wary of, so I know that I can't trust them at all since they're obviously not wanting to work with me. I know I'm not talking much, but still. Reward is basically going to rely on me since Logan and Colin aren't well-versed in Survivor and Eddie is MIA. Rip me. If we lose immunity, I feel like Colin will be the person leaving. He's literally the odd man out. Don't know if he knows it. Hopefully, at least, and in my mind. Sorry Colin. I'm screwed.

COLIN

I think I've written more confessionals for the first three rounds of this game than I did for all of PI: Malibu. Oops. But anyway.... that mutiny WHEW. Fuck those guys huh. We went from the ONLY tribe with all 7 members to......... 4 members. I knew Trevor was leaving and I lowkey had a feeling Sam and Isaac MIGHT but still for them all three to leave is such a kick in the face. That alliance between me, Logan, and Trevor lasted not even 24 hours. Not even ONE DAY yall. Hopefully we can slay these next two immunities so we don't have to go to tribal, because that would honestly suck. At least Logan and I have half the vote so that makes me feel a little bit safer, but still without majority and with the possibility of a rock draw/fire making challenge (idk how it would work if it ties) this could be devastating to my game. Anyway, thanks Trevor, you fucked over the person who trusted you the most.

ROB

Hosts are furious.

Immunity went well, bless. At least I hope so.

COLIN THIS IS MY OFFICIAL APPLICATION TO JOIN THE LOGAN FAN CLUB.

Y'all don't even know how much I love Logan. Like I am so glad I got put on a tribe with them and actually got kinda close with them. They're such a sweetheart and so easy to talk to. They are WINNING this season KNOW that. Literally my entire tribe is so cute and sweet now?? Now that the uglies and traitors have left we're all cute and adorable. God I really just hope we don't have to go to tribal at all before the swap. If I have to vote anyone on this tribe I'll cry.

ROB I think I've become the leader of the tribe. I don't want to be, but Eddie is barely here and I don't think Logan and Colin would step up to do challenges and stuff. I like everyone in the tribe and I don't want to lose these immunity challenges. The mutineers will be the first to die. Lying sucks, I'm not positive if I said yet if Sam told me he was NOT going to mutiny.

RTP

Ok so heres a pre-immunity results confessional. so my Ye Ol' Boys Club alliance is going pretty well. it doesnt seem like we are gonna be best friends but we all know its good for numbers and after that first tribal we trust each other. so that seems good for now. and knowing that we are swapping in two rounds is keeping us all from doing anything shady so that when we swap we dont have to worry about each other turning on us. that being said.... in our foursome i feel like i naturally get along with owen the best...hes the easiest for me to talk to...granted i feel pretty comfortable with all three of them....but matt just gave me some tea about the labyrinth and told me that he wasnt telling owen or david. now i have known matt for a long time and i was there for his matt fucking summers days....but i know matt has grown and thats not how he plays anymore but that reputation will never go away...there is a trick to keeping matt on your side....treat him with respect and trust what he says....if youve been friendly and honest with him he will do the same to you...and the second you question or belittle him youre as good as shit because he is already plotting your demise...hmm...treat someone with respect what a concept huh. not only that, but this makes me feel like i have a good #1 ally with matt and a good #1 ally with david. as much as i love owen i know damn well hell turn on me before trevor...and i wouldnt hold that against him...hes a good ally for numbers rn...and it helps in case i swap with trevor and can stick with him too....but i feel more secure knowing i have david and matt on my side and they are closer with me than with owen....i dont really wanna lose...but voting duncan out rn would feel pretty good...hes made some snarky comments to me a couple of times and thats really my biggest criteria for wanting people out....you sass me you get my vote

LOGAN

anyway i wanna die but yay! no loss, and im safe one more round. prayin they vote off trevor. i dont trust you.

ROB

Rob: is there an edgic? Jay: yes Rob: thanks Then I better get positive tone this episode

COLIN

OMG YES WE DID THAT. ok why am I saying we. ROB DID THAT. HE TRULY DID. MY DAD MY KING MY ICON LOVE HIM. Omg I'm so happy we don't have to go to tribal. Now we just gotta survive ONE MORE ROUND before the swap, I'm sure we can pull it off. Wish us luck <3 <3

ALI

The plan for tonight is Crow... I feel like all is going to plan, as far as I know everyone has told me they're voting Crow, bar Ryan (whose told other members of my alliance that he is) and Scott the Silent. I just lied to Crow, and feel bad, but he seems too dangerous... Also, my alliance is now me, JD, Trevor and Lydia, but I'm also close to Isaac and Sam. I feel super in control for now... I for some reason get the impression I'm about to be idoled out, but c'est la vie

TREVOR AND LYDIA

https://youtu.be/UnL6LElg4ZY

ALI

I'm super nervous for tonight. Its like 'Baby's First Blindside'- its very exciting! Anywho, I love my 'The Leal Jousewives of Atlanta' alliance (Trevor,JD,Lydia and I) and I'd hate to be idoled out, when I'm lined up so well! :(

CROW

Ugh, I have a gut feeling that it's probably me tonight, but I have been told otherwise.......lesson learned: don't try and play two games at once xD I am voting for Scott because I know he's the person most likely (behind me) to get targeted/exiled from the tribe. My strategy (although it may look like I don't have one) was to test out the "Anybody but me" strategy, but it doesn't look too good right now... Maybe I'm just paranoid and it'll be 8-1 against Scott, but I have a feeling there's scheming going on that will likely result in my elimination. If I survive this, I pray there's a tribe swap so I can effectively redo my social game LOL, if not, well.....I'll just have to scrap along!

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158048895251/tribal-council-2