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everythingelseisextra · 1 year ago

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We’re doing a different form of book report where I’m switching back and forth from my google doc to the fic so you get my reaction as I go. Enjoy the insanity. I’m too tired to analyze (and I haven’t even started work yet, today will be a long fucking day) so you get screaming instead. Bon appetit.

I’m like 4 paragraphs in and I’m already losing my damn mind. The throwback of him ordering water. The fact that he’s there alone. THE FACT THAT SHE RECOGNIZES HIM BY VOICE ALONE. JLADLJSDJJN

Oh god, he remembers her. He’s absolutely calling back to how they met. He’s too smart for that to be on accident. HE SAID HER NAME OH NO. Here we go.

This is a fanfic, so of course they’re going to interact, but I’m so invested in this reader insert that I was praying alongside her that he doesn’t recognize her and just continues to do his thing with the water.

Here’s a question: knowing him, did he track her down and purposefully come to see her? It really seems like something he’d do, he’s crafty and manipulative like that, to set up a meeting and act as though it wasn’t on purpose.

I think I’m mildly creeped out by the fact that he’s not leaving. I’m very much looking through her eyes (your writing is very immersive and I can’t help it), and I know logically that at this point, he’s just lonely and grieving, but seriously, if I were her, I’d be freaking out. Thankfully, she’s brave and is going right up to confront him.

OKAY. MAYBE DON’T GO OUT ON A BOAT WITH A STRANGE MAN YOU SLEPT WITH ONE TIME. MAYBE DON’T??? I don’t know, maybe I’m being paranoid, and I know Tommy would *probably* never do anything, but God, that would raise so many red flags for me. But she’s aware that she might be making a mistake, but knowing him, she’ll never be able to get out of it now that she agreed. He’s too convincing.

I’m intrigued. I bet he’s gonna just trauma dump on her and beg her to love him or something. I’m honestly just along for the ride at this point, this is the most fun I’ve had reading a fic in a LONG time.

As soon as he said ‘you came’ my brain goes ‘you called.’ Like that tik tok audio from Sandman that always makes my heart flutter. It’s just— Tommy is a romantic and I have no doubt that it means something to him that she actually showed up. He has so little consistency in his life.

“I can swim.” is absolutely sending me.

Called it on the trauma dump. He can be so predictable.

AND HE’S TRYING TO GET HER TO LOVE HIM. YES. I KNOW HIM SO WELL. *tiny pointless celebration* You write him so damn well, it’s like watching canon.

Him looking so tired in his hotel room really pulls at my heartstrings. He’s honestly way more sensitive than he portrays, and he deserves rest.

OH MY GOD. You have no idea how hard I’m fanboying and the drunken-decision reference. It’s just— aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. They’re so SWEET together, and the fact that they’re relearning how to feel…

What It’s Like to Feel | Tommy Shelby x Reader

PART 1 - The Woman on the Boat

Request: I guess...a lot of people wanted a 2nd part

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: After settling into her new life in Liverpool, the last person (Y/N) expects to see is Thomas Shelby. So when he shows up and wants to talk to her one day, she doesn't know what to do.

Warnings: language, smoking, age gap, angst (can’t say what cuz it’ll spoil s6), SEASON 6 SPOILERS

Word Count: 4470

A/N: thanks so much for all of the love on the first part of this! I didn’t originally intend on there being a second part, so I hope you’ll enjoy this one as much as the first! Once again, this has SPOILERS from Season 6 - if you haven’t watched, read at your own risk! I also tried to tag the people who wanted there to be a part 2, so if you’ve gotren a tag from me out of nowhere, that’s why. Enjoy! :)

———

-Seven Months Later-

Checking over herself in the mirror of the staff room, (Y/N) made sure her hair was smoothed and her uniform looked proper before she stepped out onto the floor of the high-end restaurant.

"Table 26, (Y/N). That man sitting over there," Doris, one of the hostesses, informed her as she got to the podium.

(Y/N) glanced over to the man, who was sitting with his back facing her, and nodded her head. "Thanks, Doris," she said to the woman before she walked over to the table she'd be serving. "Good evening, sir. Can I get you started with a drink?" she asked the man as she came to a stop by her side. She was too busy fishing the small tablet out of her apron's pockets to notice who the man was, and it wasn't like she cared anyway.

"A water, please," the man responded, and all of a sudden, (Y/N) cared about the person she was serving. Because she'd heard that voice before.

"Ok..." she trailed off, hoping her voice still remained confident. Then she dared to finally look over at him. He was already looking up at her, and she hoped that he wouldn't recognize who she was. "Is there anyone else you are waiting for?" she asked, bringing up the fact that he was sitting alone.

"No," he shook his head, "it'll just be me tonight."

"Ok. I will be right back with your water," she told him, leaving his side then. She exhaled a long breath the second she got out of earshot of him.

She never thought that she'd see Thomas Shelby again, but now she had to be his server. She hoped that she'd be able to remain anonymous and that he'd only see her as the woman who was his waitress for the night. Several months had passed since she stormed out of his cabin on the steamship bound for Liverpool. He had to have forgotten about her in that time, right? After all, she was just another notch in his belt...another woman who was seduced by his cunning words and captivating eyes.

Taking another deep breath, she grabbed his water and went out to face him again.

—

"There isn't anything on this menu that you've taken an interest in, sir?" (Y/N) made sure to keep the anonymity as she addressed Tommy. He'd been sitting at the table for over an hour now and hadn't ordered any food. He was only drinking water. He also hadn’t addressed her outright, which was a good thing.

"No," he shook his head.

"Why have you decided to come to a dining establishment if you just wanted to sit at a table and drink water?" she couldn't stop herself from asking, "surely you could have done that at home." With your kids...and your wife...your family that you didn't tell me about, she wanted to add for spite, but she had to stay professional.

"I've found that dining halls provide me a better place to think...though I prefer when they are empty," he responded. She couldn't help but think back to the first time she met him when he said this. He wasn't calling back to that, was he?

"Well we are closing soon, so you cannot stay much longer," she told him, turning on her heel with the intent of going back into the kitchen.

"(Y/N)," his voice stopped her in her tracks. The breath got caught in her throat as she froze. No. He couldn't remember me, she thought, hoping that she'd come off as calm as she turned back around to face him.

"Yes?" she asked, plastering a fake smile on her face. Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe he'd heard one of the other waitresses calling her name.

"I didn't think I'd see you again," he said then. Nope...he definitely knows it's you. Shit.

"That makes two of us, Mr. Shelby," she countered, her voice flat and void of emotion. She didn't want to be having this conversation with him.

"Would you like to sit?" he asked her, motioning to one of the open chairs as he spoke.

"I'm working. It's against my boss's rules to fraternize with the customers," she stated, wanting nothing more than to run as far away from him as possible.

"Ok," was all he said, and after she saw him nod his head, she left his side for the kitchen.

—

"(Y/N), you've got to get that man to leave. It's five minutes till closing," Doris hissed as she came to a stop in front of the woman who had purposely been hiding in the kitchen for the last forty minutes.

"Why me, Doris?" (Y/N) questioned, sounding a bit more desperate than she hoped to.

"Because he's sitting at one of your tables," the other woman responded in a matter-of-fact tone.

(Y/N) stood silent for a few moments, hoping that Doris would tell her that she was joking and that she'd actually be the one telling Thomas Shelby to leave the premises. But she never did. So, with a sigh, (Y/N) hung her head in defeat. "Fine. I'll go get him to leave," she agreed to the task before going to exit the kitchen. Get him to leave both the restaurant and my life.

She took a deep breath as she approached his table. He was the only patron left in the establishment at this point. "Excuse me, sir. You need to leave. We are closing in five minutes," she told him as she came to a stop at his side.

"Can I take you somewhere, (Y/N)?" he asked, making no move to leave the table.

"If you could please leave the establishment...it is time for us to close," she didn't speak on his question, instead repeating her warning.

"I'd like to take you out. I'm in the city for the next five days," he continued with his line of thought, making (Y/N)'s heart clench. Of course, he'd be in the city for five days. It was like he was only ever anywhere for five days at a time.

"Sir, if you could please vacate the premises. I'd hate to have to get the cops here," she threatened him, although her voice wavered and made her threat come off as an empty one.

"Oh you wouldn't dare do that, sweetheart," he quipped, a grin that (Y/N) wanted to slap off, forming on his face.

"What is it that you want from me, Thomas, huh?" she asked, her eyebrows raised and her arms crossed over her chest.

"A chance to talk to you."

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?" it was her turn to give a witty response.

"Privately," he clarified.

(Y/N) looked around the room, letting out a sigh as she thought of what she'd say next. "If I agree to what you're asking, will you leave the restaurant?" she asked him, her eyebrows still raised. She didn't want to do this, but she also didn't want her boss to have her head. So she decided to go with what she hoped was the lesser of two evils.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Fine."

"Good. Meet me tomorrow by the docks," he affirmed, already having a place in mind.

"The docks?" she checked to see if she'd heard him right.

"Yes. I want to take you out on the water," he nodded his head.

(Y/N) sighed and looked away from him again, "because on the water's where I'll always be," she stated, moreso to herself than anything. She looked back to Tommy after he hadn't moved for a few moments. "Are you going to leave now?" she asked him, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes," he nodded, standing and grabbing his overcoat that was draped over his chair. "I look forward to seeing you again, (Y/N)," he sent her a smile, one that she didn't return.

She sighed as she watched him exit the restaurant. She knew she was crazy for having agreed to this meeting. Now she was thinking of ways to get out of it.

——

Listening to the foghorns of the incoming ships, (Y/N) pulled her sweater tighter against her body. It was a dreary day in Liverpool, and she wanted nothing more than to go back home and hide in her bed until dawn. But she couldn't do that. She'd agreed to meet Thomas Shelby today, and after racking her brain and trying to think of a way to get out of the situation, she found that it would be best to just bite the bullet and get on with it.

She saw him standing next to one of the docks, his hands clasped in front of him and his peaked cap pulled down so that she couldn't see his eyes. He looked rather ominous standing there. It made (Y/N) want to turn heel and leave. But she continued on.

"You came," Tommy commented as she stopped in front of him, his voice as bleak as the harbor scene around them.

"I did," she nodded, picking at a fuzz on her sweater; trying to find anything to look at rather than the man in front of her.

"Come on," he said to her, motioning to the boat they were standing in front of. He extended his hand to her and she reluctantly accepted it, figuring that using his help to get onto the boat would be better than denying it and making a fool out of herself if she fell. Once they were on the boat, he led her to the back of it, where there was a small table with two chairs set up. "Sit," he motioned to one of the chairs before he called to the boat's captain, telling him that he could leave the dock.

"We're leaving the dock?" (Y/N) commented, sitting down as the boat started moving in the water.

"Yes. Didn't want the prospect of you leaving before saying what needed to be said," he answered, sitting down across from her before he pulled a cigarette out of his case and lit it with his lighter.

"I can swim," she quipped, crossing her arms over her chest. Tommy chuckled at her witty statement before looking out at the water. She stared over at him then, waiting for him to be the one to make the first move. She didn't have anything to say to him. She almost wished that she wasn't in his presence.

"I was born on a boat," he finally spoke, tapping the ash off of the cigarette before he brought it up to his lips for another drag.

Although (Y/N) was confused as to why he opened with that, she didn't comment on it. "I feel like I've lived my entire life on one," she said, glancing down at the table as she spoke.

"How so?" Tommy sent her a look of curiosity.

"I've only been close to a life I want...like I'm on a boat that's just off the shore, but it can't find a place to dock. So I just live on the open ocean. Where I'll be for the rest of my life...alone," she elaborated, hating that she still felt no inhibitions in talking to him even though she hated what he'd done to her.

"So we both know what it's like to be trapped in the confines of something stuck in the middle of nothingness," Tommy stated. (Y/N) just stared at him. She didn't know what to say in response to his statement, but it was true. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my family," he said then after a few more moments of silence passed.

"Save it, Thomas," she sighed, shaking her head as she looked away from him.

"No. This needs to be said," he insisted, "I had a lot on my mind while I was on that boat. I wasn't supposed to be going back to England that soon, but my wife telephoned me saying that my daughter was sick. I had to leave the business I had in Boston to be with her," he explained to her what he should have said the moment he met her. He shouldn't have told her some vague statement when she asked his reason for being on the ship.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said in a soft voice. At first, she felt bad for blowing up on him several months ago, but then she started to feel angry at the fact that he took advantage of her even though he knew that he had a sick child at home.

"She...she had consumption. She passed away," he told her, clearing his throat and scratching his forehead before he looked at his feet. Tears were stinging his eyes. Months had passed, but saying it still made him feel as raw as the day it happened. "My wife left me," he informed her then after he cleared his throat again. (Y/N)'s eyes snapped over to him at his statement and they widened at his entire admission; what he'd said just only now registering in her brain. Almost immediately, she felt like she wanted to cry. Why was he telling her this?

"Oh?" she exuded, and much like when he said the single word statement to her back on the ship, she wanted him to elaborate on what he'd said. It also showed that she didn’t know what else to say.

"Said she couldn't stand to be around me anymore. That I have too much ambition and she couldn't keep watching me sabotage myself and the people in my family,” Tommy sighed, looking down at the table.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she offered her sympathy, still not being able to find many other words to say to him. What do you say to a man who's family was in shambles?

"Don't be," he, surprsingly, shook his head. "It was for the better that we split. We were going down a dark road since Ruby after was born. And I...I wasn't there when my daughter died. That was the final straw for her," he brushed off her condolences, "she couldn't take being with me anymore."

"Why did you bring me on this boat, Thomas?" she asked him then, her eyes finally meeting his for the first time since their conversation started. She tried so hard not to be entranced by them, their striking blue hue still evident in the light of the candle sitting between them.

"Because I wanted to see if you'd give me another chance. A chance to explain myself and a chance to end things between us in a different manner," he answered her, his eyes not straying from hers. He was telling the truth.

"So you want to end things with me?" (Y/N) raised her eyebrows at his words, shock taking over her features.

"No, love. That's not what I meant," he shook his head.

"Then what did you mean?"

"I never stopped thinking about you. Those four days I shared with you on that boat cross my mind daily and I feel terrible when I think about how you left me. I should have told you about my family. I should have told you that I was married, but I was being selfish. Because, the truth is, I felt something for you too. After years spent giving fake emotions and fake reactions for the sake of my kids, you made me feel again..." he spoke from the heart, hoping she'd realize that he was doing something that he rarely did. Unlike most declarations he's made in his past, these words held so much truth in them. "And you spoke about feeling free. Well, (Y/N), I felt free when I was with you."

(Y/N) was shocked by his words. She didn't expect for him to make a declaration like that, especially after what he'd just said about his own family. "I...I don't know what to say, Thomas," her shock shined through in her stuttered words, "it ruined me when I found your wedding band. It was like all of those things you said to me when we were together were just lies," she still couldn't let go of the hurt he caused.

"They weren't lies," he stressed to her, shaking his head as he spoke.

"They felt like they were after I left your room that day," she countered, her walls, which were starting to fall, going back up in an instant. She hated that this one thing he said made her flip so easily.

She stood up from her chair then, stepping past Tommy to go to the front of the boat. "Where are you going?" he asked after her, making her stop in her tracks.

"I'm going to ask the captain to take us back to shore. I'd say we're about finished here," she answered him, continuing on her way to the captain's quarters. She asked him to turn the boat around, and he agreed.

Instead of going back to face Tommy, she decided to stay up at the front of the boat. She couldn't be near him at the moment. Her head and her heart were playing a game of tug-of-war. She still wanted to be mad at him, to resent him for how he lied to her and kept his true self in the dark while they were on the ship. But then her heart jumped in and reminded her of the words he'd said moments ago. How he told her that he actually felt something for her. That he felt like he was free when he was with her. That was exactly how she felt when she was wrapped in his arms. And god, she wanted to feel that again. But she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't let him get the satisfaction of her falling back into his arms so easily.

Once the boat docked, (Y/N) stepped off of it and onto the pier. Instead of leaving, she stuck around, waiting for Tommy to emerge again. Soon enough, he did. "Thought you would have been gone already," he commented as he joined her on the dock.

"I felt like I should stick around," she responded, her eyes trained on the warped wood below her.

"I appreciate you agreeing to come see me," he said then, clearing his throat before he continued, "you probably don't want to, but I'm staying at The Royal Inn in the center of the city. I'll be there for three more days for business, in Room 452."

"Why're you telling me this?" she questioned him, her eyebrows furrowed as she looked over at him. He kept his eyes trained on his feet; his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Just in case," he gave a vague response, glancing up at her as he started to step off of the dock, "goodbye, (Y/N)," he told her as he passed her, walking off into the dusk, blending more and more into the darkness the further he got away from her.

(Y/N) was left standing there, her mind trying to piece together the reasons why he even asked her to meet with him, all while trying to get everything he'd just told her to sink in and make sense.

Tommy returned back to his hotel suite. He sat down on one of the chairs and tipped his head back with a sigh. He didn't know what he was expecting to come out of his conversation with (Y/N)...if he was expecting anything at all. He said what he needed to say to her, and he told her where she'd be able to find him if she wanted to. So now the ball was in her court. As much as he hated it, he now had to wait and see what she would decide.

——

Rushing down the street to the center of the city, (Y/N) hoped she wasn't too late. She hated herself for having put this off to the final moments, but she hadn't came to her decision until a half hour ago.

For the past three days, her mind was plagued with all things relating to Thomas Shelby. Their short-stinted romance on the steamship, the conversation they had while out on the boat, the fact that he'd told her about his family...the fact that he'd lost his family. She just couldn't seem to shake him from her mind. She could even hear him; hear the exact words he said to her: "I felt free when I was with you."

She needed to know if he truly felt the same way. That's why she was rushing down the the hall of the fourth floor at The Royal Inn. She just hoped he hadn't sailed away again.

"Oh, please be in here, Thomas," she whispered under her breath before she lifted her hand to knock on the door. Three, short raps was all it took. Then she stood and waited.

Moments later, the door opened to show the very person she was silently pleading for. He stood in the doorway, dressed in a pair of black trousers and a white tanktop with suspenders hanging loose around his hips. And he looked tired. Unbelievablely tired.

"(Y/N)," he breathed as he realized who was in front of him. "Come, uh...come in," he said then, stepping aside for her to enter. Hesitantly, she walked into the suite he was occupying.

"Hi, Thomas," she smiled shyly at him, internally kicking herself for acting like this. It was like she was a school girl and he was her crush. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry I came at the last minute," she said then.

"Were you not expecting me to be here?" he questioned, his eyebrows raised.

"No...yes...I don't know," she ended her indecisive answer with a sigh, "I did a lot of thinking over these past few days," she regained her confidence and looked at him once more.

"Yeah?" he asked for her to continue.

"Yeah," she nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I've been thinking a lot about you...and what you said to me...both on the trip here and the other night...about how your daughter passed away, which is terrible, and how your wife left you, which is also terrible, but not nearly as much as losing a child...I mean, I wouldn't know the feeling of either, but still..." she trailed off, her fragmented sentences matching her train of thought. She glanced up and saw that Tommy was watching her as she spoke, "sorry," she whispered, feeling slightly embarassed for her rambling. But he was still waiting intently for what she said next, so she mustered up her confidence and continued, "and I couldn't help but think at the time that you were just saying those things in order to get pity from me..."

"I never expected pity from you," he cut her off, shaking his head to show sincerity.

"But then you told me that you felt something when we were together. Much like how I felt something. And by god, all I want in my life is to feel, even just for a short amount of time," she ended with a sigh.

Tommy didn't say anything, but instead stepped forward and took her into his arms hesitantly, almost like he was afraid that she'd reject him and push him away. But she didn't. She relaxed into his embrace as his arms moved around her waist, his hands locking in the small of her back. And that feeling engulfed the both of them.

(Y/N) smiled slightly as she looked up at him, "it was nice to know that you felt the same way I did...that I do," she said in a soft voice.

A smile pulled one corner of Tommy's lips upwards as he heard what she had to say. "Well I still feel the same way about you now," he told her, squeezing her tighter into his hold. "Haven't stopped since you left my room that day."

"Thank you for being honest with me now," she whispered, her hands coming up to play with the hem of his tanktop. She ran her hands around it, loving the feeling of his warm skin against the backs of her fingers.

"You haven't drank anything?" his sudden question caught her off guard, making her look up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"No, why?"

"Because I wouldn't want you to consider this a drunken decision," he told her before he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, softly at first but then more firm when she responded positively to his kiss.

(Y/N)'s mind was swimming. She couldn't help but smile against his lips as she thought back to the exact same words that she'd said to him before they shared their very first kiss. And then she was freaking out when she realized that she was, once again, kissing Thomas Shelby. All of the synapses in her brain were firing as she moved her hands over his shoulders, up his neck, across the back of his head; everywhere she could as she desperately attempted to feel him again. To feel again.

They moved their way over to the bed that was positioned in the center of the room, their lips not parting until they fell onto the mattress. (Y/N) was laying with her back against the sheets and Tommy was hovering over her. The back of his right hand came up to run down her cheek slowly as he got lost in her eyes. "Stay with me tonight, (Y/N)," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her lips again. "Stay with me tonight and then every fucking night after that."

(Y/N)'s lips parted slightly as his ask registered into her brain. She knew her answer in an instant, and a smile formed on her lips as she got ready to tell him. "Yes, Tommy. I'll stay with you," she told him, stretching her neck up to kiss him once more.

Tommy was smiling as they pulled away. She'd finally used his nickname. Finally moved away from the formalities in every sense of the term. She no longer had her guard up to him and she no longer addressed him as if he were simply an acquaintance, someone she'd met through business.

As they shared multiple kisses and gave themselves to each other for the first time in too long, (Y/N) finally found out what it was like to feel. And now that she knew what that feeling was, she was never going to give it away.

———

Postnote: I hope this met your expections...of course, it couldn’t be all happy, given the circumstances of the season, but I tried to end it happily. :)

Tagged: @alreadybroken-ts @magicalxdaydream @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @goldenhoax @elenavampire21

Tagged for Part 2: @peakystories @dolllol2405 @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @crowssixof @smellyzcat @layazul @misselsbells06 @julkaamazing @mainstreetlilly

#eli recommends #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #peaky blinders #peakyxtommy #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #fanfic

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bleachbleachbleach · 1 year ago

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Fic comment:

a;slfka;lkf I love the thick descriptions of how these training plans and Hell expedition work and who’s on what and how one gets notified of what and the LISTS and the LETTERS and all of it. B3, it’s scene-setting information, and sure it is but it’s WORLD information and PAPERWORK information and I love it so much. Even as it becomes exquisitely painful, when Hinamori finds her name removed from the expedition—and then pieces together who orchestrated it. I say exquisitely painful in the finest, most complimentary way—oh my god, this whole fic is SO painful my nervessss—!!!

All the moments where conversation or recognition gets shunted away, or where the perfunctory layers over that seed of betrayal (a new, worse, real flavor), only for it to break the surface in lines like and evidently, there were still people that doubted her.

AAAAaaaAAAAAaaaAAAA I am deceased please help I will never recover

But setting aside that puddle of myself for a moment, I also love the way you’ve built out the workings of the kidou-weaving, the pieces and process and the stretch of it as Hinamori tries to demonstrate and explain and keep tabs on Hitsugaya/be present in the wake of his whole thing all at once. The difficulty of holding all the intermediary steps while fielding questions and being off the pace of how one might usually weave the spells—delicious.

And the mentions of Hinamori on Vizard camping trips with Shinji! LET SHINJI FISH 2K24.

And back to me being a puddle, because normally Hinamori would be completely unbothered by Hitsugaya’s commentaries, but not tonight. Because it really was such a shitty thing to do, in ways that are so different from anything else he’s ever done, whether he sees it that way or not. The way Hinamori reasons through the various bureaucratic pitfall traps that could also be part of the situation to point out that he’d overstepped not only her autonomy as a VC but also Rukia’s as a Captain—OUCH. And Hinamori bbbbb feeling no righteousness and just badness and remorse on account of stewing in negative feelings ToT <333333 Especially when what she is feeling is, again, so different from points in their past, negative or positive. Positive silences. Hinamori mourning a little, Hitsugaya’s honesty. Which is one of his best features, but also one that feels genuinely core to him. It makes me feel like the badness Hinamori’s feeling is about what he did, definitely, but also about her watching someone she cares about warp away from their truest self. And Hinamori knows a little to a lot about that; it feels like something that would hold a lot of intense emotion for her.

I’m glad that whatever misfortunes their midnight visitor also entailed (lol), the bunny also served to dispel some of their tension. The final lines here are so, so beatiful: Sometime during the night, Momo felt her hand being pulled, and held tight. That even if they drifted in dreams under the stars, she was grounded and safe, held tight to home. I love ethe cadence of that final phrase, held tight to home.

Aaaaaa I really enjoyed this. I read it last night—first all the bits outside the cut, on my phone, like some kind of feral animal circling future prey lol, and then again in full. And then AGAIN in full this morning, and it was such a delight every time, and it makes me so happy that this fic exists and that it was written for ME. Thank you so much! What a fantastic start to 2024!! <3333333

For your reblogs milestone requests (congratulations!!) If this pings you, I'd love to see Hitsugaya + Hinamori + CAMPING. Good trip, bad trip, planned, unplanned, business, pleasure... Any kind of camping and any kind of tone!

how to start a fire

Rating: K+

“Hinamori, you’re imagining things—go to sleep.”

“I am not,” she hissed, with a little more bite than intended. She was still bitter about their squabble. “I know there’s something out there.” She turned to her backpack, fumbling around in the dark as she searched for the flashlight. “Did you read the information pack that Hisagi-san had sent? Apparently, this used to be a habitat for bears.”

“Yes, and I read the amended version Ise-fuukutaicho sent—the local bear population has become endangered. The only thing we’re in danger of is losing our sleep,” he grumbled.

…

Momo is sent to train Toushiro in the World of the Living in combination kido.

Word Count: 3670 words

Setting: after the Bleach Anniversary Hell Chapter

Prompt: @hitsuhina-week Gift Exchange 2023 for @whipplefilter

"maybe we didn't argue, but we don't agree"/ "Hitsugaya asks Hinamori to teach him her kidou-weaving"/"HitsuHina from unexpected/outside POVs"

Authour’s Note: This is SO LATE IN ALL THE SENSES. Firstly, because Whipple sent this request in like, summer. And then I was matched with them for the Gift Exchange which I thought I could make! but holidays! & falling sick! (are we really ever as productive as we would like over the holidays??)

(Thank you @rays-of-fire-and-ice for being understanding!)

When I saw the prompts that Whipple sent, I immediately thought of their initial fic request & thought it was such a perfect thing to combine! Unfortunately, I couldn't get in the Hitsuhina from an outside POV but maybe one day in the future!

I had a lot of fun trying to flesh this out and was really happy to go back to writing after so long! However, I believe much like the rest of the fandom, life is going to get busy in the coming months for me and I won't be as active in writing as I would like to :( I hope to still participate in events but it does really inspire me reading everyone's work when I come back to try to write on me own!!

Happy New Year everyone! Here's hoping 2024 is one with happiness and laughter and fun for everyone!!

I hope you all enjoy this!

---

Momo dropped her duffel bag and began to rummage around it, pushing overnight clothes and toiletries aside. “Here’s a clearing: we can proceed here.”

Toushiro looked around skeptically, noting the abandoned fire pits and wooden pavilions in the distance. “Won’t we be disturbing the humans?”

“Soutaicho had reserved the whole camping ground area while the Twelfth Division set up a barrier that would send any human that would walk towards the training facilities, confused but turned around.” She swallowed the gikon pill, feeling her human body leave her as if she were shedding a coat off.

The tenth captain raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t the Kido Corps have facilitated that?”

Momo shrugged, though she admitted she wondered about the ethics of the research division sometimes. “All the training leaders were assured that they wouldn’t be harmed. Nanao-san also reiterated that each cell would be allocated a parcel of the forest—so we don’t have to worry about anyone else while we train.”

With the new frontier of Hell on the line, the Gotei 13 were implementing new training tactics to prepare for the unknown battle. Each division had received a list of candidates for leaders of the cell groups—specific internal training groups to provide targeted instruction on skills soldiers may find lacking. Momo had been selected from the Fifth Division to lead high level kido proficiency, specifically on combination spells. The leaders ranged in rank, from captains to lieutenants and even high ranked seated officers. She had heard later from Matsumoto, Ikkaku had been selected to lead swordsmanship skills, Isane for healing during combat, a fourth seat in the eighth division for defensive spells among many. The cell groups would then be volunteers from across the Gotei 13 that would train with the leaders in World of the Living on a reserved human camping site.

Momo had been flattered (even when her captain had bemoaned jokingly why he hadn’t been picked) but was also left feeling disconcerted at the letter.

A few weeks ago, there was an expedition team sent out earlier to understand the spells and mechanisms that opened Hell’s Doors as well as scope its initial terrain. The list was short and concise with only a few captains and lieutenants selected. Renjii & Rukia were on the list as they had already prior experience in the hellscape. Momo had been keen to go, as she heard her name was nominated by Rukia to help with kido to break down the entrance. However, the day before the mission, her name was taken off the list with a curt note saying that her kido services would no longer be required. During the prior lieutenant’s meeting Renjii looked at her with a regretful glance, squeezing her shoulder sympathetically and she later received an apology Hell Butterfly from the Thirteen Captain before the expedition team left.

Momo had walked back to the Fifth Division in a daze, feeling a bit bereft at the sudden change in plans. The shock must have been evident on her face as her captain immediately took one look at her before bringing her to the couch and placing a warm cup of tea in her hands.

“Hitsugaya-taicho seems to have requested you for your first training session.”

“Why?” Momo asked. She had been reviewing the list of volunteers who wanted to train with her and was surprised at the number of people. If she were to spend time with each one, she would have to remain in the World of the Living for at least a month.

However, she had not seen Toushiro’s name on her initial list—much less expected him to volunteer. The tenth captain was quick on his feet in battle and she never assumed his skills were lacking.

Hirako-taicho shrugged. “Maybe he wants a brush up as well? I know he had gone on the Hell Expedition Team & him and the little Kuchiki realized there was some reworking off spells to be done.”

That got Momo to pause as she was sorting through the files. It had been a couple of weeks since the team had returned from Hell. “Hitsugaya-taicho had joined the expedition?” As far as she knew, he was never a candidate for the expedition, and he hadn’t mentioned anything like that to her.

Her captain stilled, his eyes avoiding her questioning look. “I believe he was the last-minute change…”

“Hirako-taicho—why did Hitsugaya-kun go on the expedition?”

He sighed in quiet exasperation. “I heard from Abarai that Hitsugaya-taicho requested you off the mission,” he said reluctantly. “And when there was no other candidate to go, he volunteered himself.”

“And why would he do that?” she asked quietly, still processing what she had heard.

Hirako shook his head, his bangs falling away from his eyes. “He never brought it up at the captain’s meeting. He went directly to the Soutaicho & the expedition team.”

The news sat with Momo as she prepared her training plan and packed her bags to go the World of the Living. The unease festered inside of her, leaving her with feelings of self-doubt and anxiety. She found herself unable to sleep well and only when she stepped onto the campgrounds and breathed in the fresh air, could she feel the tension loosening in her shoulder.

Momo had an earlier departure time and was preparing the grounds when the Tenth Captain dropped in, much later in the evening when the sky was hedging into dusk. It had been the first time they had seen each other in a long while, and Momo was still feeling unsettled—so introductions were short, and she immediately led him to the training area where she was now beginning a demonstration. If the boy noticed anything unusual, he made no comment and followed suit.

Momo slipped into teaching mode, something she had learned while part-timing at the academy to help compartmentalize her life as a lecturer separate from a lieutenant.

“We’ll start off with one of my prior combination spells in battle: from during the Winter War era when Rangiku-san and I had to fight the three arrancars.” She avoided looking at Toushiro for she knew much after the fact that he hadn’t approved of her coming onto the battlefield—which apparently, things still hadn’t changed between them. “Let me show you first.”

The girl lifted her hands in front of her, demonstrating as she spoke. “The strength of the spell also comes from the foundation of the pose. I know after we graduate and go into battle, it’s very easy to skip this step as we’ve become comfortable with the incantations.” She moved her hands as if they were framing a triangle. “However, as we introduce combination spells, I find that there’s strength in using combative stances with defensive spells and vice versa.”

Her student nodded along, with a furrow in his eyebrows that Momo knew he was mentally taking notes.

“It started off with Hadou 12 Fuishibi: I had used it as a defensive base before obscuring it with a concealment spell.”

“That was Kyokou, right?” Toushiro piped in.

She nodded in affirmation. “Yes—that was the key to catching the arrancar off. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to blindside them in the initial attack.”

Toushiro’s eyebrow raised slowly, almost as if he were impressed if Momo had to guess. “That’s quite commendable that you were able to weave that many kidou together—especially for your first time.”

Momo had to stop herself from reacting openly to that. She hadn’t remembered telling him that it was her first attempt, a decision crossed in between luck and adrenaline. However, she had a lot to prove—and evidently, there were still people that doubted her.

“However, the key is finding the right igniting spell: Shakaho is a common one and it doesn’t matter how proficient you are in kidou—it’ll still give you the right amount of power you need.”

She beckoned with her head, her arms still held in front of her in stance. “You can follow me for now and then we can try separately on our own, Hitsugaya-taicho.”

When he mirrored suit, she started reciting the incantations—pausing in between lines to explain the steps.

“You start trying to imagine a series of lines, crossing each other. Imagine the intersection and focus on that. Personally, for me, it helps to visualize the centers becoming brighter to build a stronger net.”

“Like Bakudo #4, Hainawa?”

Momo winced, sensing the kidou web pull away from her. “Not really. It’s the foundation—it’s not the main goal. You’re setting up trajectory for the blast to follow.”

“Is it necessary to recite the full spell?”

“Sort of—I find it helpful to not focus fully on the incantation but instead what it represents. Breaks down the rigidity of the tradition and make it more malleable in combining different spells.”

“How do you control the scale of the net?”

“It’s all in the visualization—you need to imagine it,” she responded quickly as she felt herself faltering. The net grew dimmer and wilted, like a flower causing Momo to repeat the previous line again. She wasn’t used to being interrupted so often.

“When do you switch hand positions?”

“Hold on Hitsugaya—”, Momo could feel the net pull away from her like a storm wind catching hold of a kite. She proceeded forward and, in her haste, she skipped two lines ahead in the incantation.

The effects were immediate with the strings of the net burning brighter and brighter. Momo faltered, immediately stopping the incantation but it was too late. The net hummed in power before it exploded, sending sparks back at the shinigami & the wooden structures.

Momo could only watch as Toushiro immediately called a cool wind forth to snuff out the embers, leaving just a sizzling trail of smoke as the remains of the misspell.

“I think we better call it for the night,” he said with a measured tone, evaluating the scene.

The slip back into their gigai was so quiet and routine that even the shift of corporeal bodies couldn’t cut the thick tension between the two. The moon was hanging high & alone by the time they had returned silently back to their campsite.

Momo immediately started collecting broken branches and twigs to start the fire. She kept her head down, repeating the recent events in her head over and over. Even though Toushiro had been peppering her with questions, she knew she was accustomed to that from teaching new recruits—and inwardly Momo knew that it was her earlier feelings towards the young captain that made her mess up the incantation. There was a strong part of her that was ashamed for getting her emotions get in the way of teaching—something she had promised herself she would learn to keep professional and private matters separate.

Momo sighed deeply, walking back to their clearing, and dumping the wood into the firepit. As she rearranged the pieces into a tented position, she could feel Toushiro’s eyes on her—much like earlier, observing quietly and learning.

“It’s to help structure the flame,” she explained quietly. Momo pulled some newspapers she had brought with her and began shredding them over the pit.

“How do you know how to do this?”

“Hirako-taicho and I went on camping trips as a way to get to know each other when we first started working together. The other Vizards would also join us as well.”

Toushiro rolled his eyes. “It still amazes me how he can circumvent rules to do it.” It was an offhand comment, nothing out of the ordinary for the young captain. However, at that moment it deeply grated at her nerves, and it struck raw.

Momo snapped a branch in her hand. “Hirako-taicho completes his work as necessary. He also doesn’t cross the line—unlike you Hitsugaya-taicho.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about, Hinamori?”

“You pulled rank and took me off the Hell expedition,” she said curtly, yanking out the matchstick box from her pocket and snapping the match strong against the box.

There was a pause where Momo could only hear the friction of the match. “You’re not ready,” Toushiro said carefully, as if he were approaching a skittish creature. “There are far too many unknowns, and the risk is too great.”

“You had no business deciding to do so.” The match didn’t catch, and Momo cursed under her breath as she flicked it to the ground. She pulled another one out and began again.

“Other lieutenants were pulled off as well, it came down to essential personnel only.”

“No, Hitsugaya-taicho, you are a captain of the Tenth Division and were overstepping your bounds. Kuchiki-san had requested me on that mission for my skills and you decided to pull me off.”

The match ignited brightly in her hands. Momo dropped it into the pile of wood where it immediately spurred into large flames. She looked up to see the fire reflecting in his turquoise eyes, resolute.

“If I had to do it again, I would,” he said solemnly, holding his ground across the fire from her.

“Well that’s the difference between us, Hitsugaya-taicho—I would be honest with someone if I didn’t think they were good enough.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he sighed.

Momo straightened her shoulders back and stared firmly back at him through the flames. “I am a lieutenant of the Fifth Division, I have earned my way to serve the Gotei 13—whether you like it or not.”

Dinner was a quiet tense affair with the two of them eating their packed meals quite far and separated from each other. Momo had already started to feel awful from such negative feelings, but on principle she held her ground, quickly scarfing down her onigiri.

They had changed in silence to their sleeping clothes, each taking turns to watch shift before tucking into their respective sleeping bags across the fire pit. In the absence of a “good night,” Momo felt remorse, and found herself consciously holding back from asking if Toushiro was awake.

When they were younger, they’d climb up onto the thatched roofs to stargaze during the night. The hay would itch at bare skin and it would always take the two of them a while to get settled, but when they had found their spots, it was like the world quieted again and they lost themselves in counting the constellations. Sometimes she would speak and Toushiro would respond, in either one sentence responses or noises of affirmation—but always honest. And when it became too quiet to speak, the two would just lie in silence. It was those peaceful moments that would ground Momo whenever she was away studying in the academy; where it felt like possibilities were endless, but home was right behind her, keeping her grounded and safe.

But that felt like a different lifetime with too much death in between to tie them to the same life.

A loud rustle startled Momo from her stupor.

She pushed herself up off the ground. “Did you hear that?”

There was another sound, a creak.

“Hitsugaya-kun,” Momo called out, a twinge of fear creeping into her voice.

“I’m trying to sleep,” he groused.

She persisted, sitting up and listening carefully. The fire crackled and hissed, and Momo strained to hear through the crackle of the fire. Internally she felt at lost without being able to detect the rieatsu of whatever was out there.

“Hinamori, you’re imagining things—go to sleep.”

“Yes, and I read the amended version Ise-fuukutaicho sent—the local bear population has become endangered. The only thing we’re in danger of is losing our sleep,” he grumbled.

“I forgot how grumpy you get when you don’t get your sleep,” Momo murmured.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

A rustle was heard and Toushiro shot up, his eyes much alert. “I think there’s something approaching.”

Momo fought the urge to roll her eyes as she fished out the flashlight. “That’s what I was saying.”

A twig broke and immediately Toushiro slipped a gikon pill in, his human body falling back onto the sleeping bag.

“I’m not going to use Hyourinmaru—the weather changes will alert the humans nearby.”

Momo rustled through her duffle bag, pulling things out rapidly. “I can’t find my gikon pills—I must have left them at the training site.”

Toushiro stepped in front of her sleeping bag, his stance defensive as he mimicked Momo’s earlier pose from the training session. “I’ll handle it. I’ll use the kido weaving to stop whatever it is in its tracks.”

That got Momo to pause. “Wait, Hitsugaya-kun—I’m not sure if you’re ready.”

He started to chant, slow and steady as the noise picked up. Momo could only focus on her heart racing that she almost missed the slip of incantation: Toushiro had skipped a line—a very crucial line.

“Hitsugaya-kun—you forgot—”

The threads burned amber, casting a bright glow against the surrounding boundary of trees before they began to constrict against themselves. The woven net grew and expanded, closing in around the two of them instead of pushing outward. Toushiro realizing his error, quickly turned around and crouched over Momo as the net imploded into great sparks, rivaling a fireworks show.

The rustling noise got louder and two of them could only look up as the bush rumbled and rustled—before a bunny slipped out. It stared comically at the two of them, cocking its head to the side before hoping through the campgrounds as the two childhood friends watched.

A bubble of laughter escaped from Momo’s mouth which earned her an exasperated look from her friend above her. “I can’t believe Toushiro’s hair was mussed with grey soot streaking the spiky edges; he looked like the human confection of a burnt marshmallow—which made Momo laugh even harder.

“This isn’t funny,” he grumbled, swiping away at his face with soot coming off.

“It kind of is,” she continued to laugh. “I’m sure when you get back into your gigai, it’ll go away.”

Whatever previous tension that was there before, disappeared and now there was a lightness as the two young shinigami cleaned up the area. The campfire that had been blazing strong before had calmed down to a dying ember, its small spark still burning bright against the night.

Momo cleared her throat, sheepishly looking down. “Would you mind if we pull these closer?” she gestured towards the distanced sleeping bags.

Toushiro shook his head. “No, not at all.”

After rearranging the bags, the two settled in quietly, lying on their backs and looking up at the stars. Momo sighed in content, feeling a lot more at peace than before but still wanted to clear the air about one more thing.

“Hitsugaya-kun,” she whispered.

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you today.”

There was a long pause and she had wondered if he had heard her. “I deserved it. I apologize for not being transparent with you.”

Momo raised an eyebrow. “The great Hitsugaya-taicho is apologizing to me?”

“Oh, shut it.” Even though it was dark, she could hear the eyeroll in his voice. “And I’ve done it before,” he added softly.

“I know.” Momo remembered it well, especially after the Winter War. “But those for things that were out of your control. This is for something you deliberately did.”

The young girl heard him sigh deeply. “It’s something I’m working on,” he conceded.

“Rangiku-san put you up to it?”

“Something like that…” he drifted off.

“Well…” Momo tucked the blanket around her tighter her shoulders. “Thank you.”

When he didn’t say anything back, she continued on, speaking softly. “You need to trust me—I understand you’re worried, but you can’t go around making decisions on my behalf without talking to me.” She turned onto her side and faced him. “I can take care of myself, Hitsugaya-kun.”

He sighed. “I know you can—I don’t doubt it at all.”

“Then what makes this different?” Momo whispered.

Toushiro was silent for a while before turning to her. “It’s what we don’t know—everything we’ve been taught feels…upended.” He grimaced & even in the dark she could see the storm brewing in his eyes. “Ukitake-taicho, the Soutaicho…they’re all there now. It feels like the rules have changed and things are out of control.”

Momo smiled sympathetically before reaching a hand across, and gently placing it on his shoulder. “I know. I’m scared too. I’m scared for everyone at the Fifth, for Hirako-taicho, Rangiku-san.” She paused and stared into his eyes. “I’m also scared for you.”

His eyes widened slowly. “Hinamori…”

“But I won’t let that stop me from wanting to protect everyone—to protect you.” She squeezed his shoulder. “That’s why I became a shinigami, right?”

Momo could sense his inner storm abating and smiled in relief. “So—trust me, okay? Like I trust you to stay safe.”

He sighed deeply and stared back at her. “Okay—I will try.”

She chuckled quietly. “That’s all I ask.”

Momo let her hand fall in the space between them. “Now let’s go to sleep. We still have to finish training tomorrow. I can’t send you back not knowing how to do one combination spell.”

“This will definitely be an experience I will never forget,” he said softly.

She smiled, her eyes already closing shut. “Good night, Hitsugaya-kun.”

Sometime during the night, Momo felt her hand being pulled, and held tight. That even if they drifted in dreams under the stars, she was grounded and safe, held tight to home.

---

Authour's Note: Again, this happens late at night because I am a sucker for late night conversations. I had a lot of fun trying to write Momo's teaching methods for the kido (as if I know anything lol) I also just love that something doesn't go splendidly well for Toushiro (though I wish there were more people to witness it hahahaha)

Until next time everyone :)

#please 🙏 read canariie's beautiful fic she wrote for me #there's GOTEI LOGISTICS and KIDOU LORE #and CAMPFIRES #and EXQUISITE INTERPERSONAL PAIN #and while you read it you can envision me hovering over your shoulder losing my damn mind like a fanfic clippy #or you can not do that last part but that's what i would be doing #hitsugaya toushirou #hinamori momo #bleach fanfic

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