#WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE IM SOMEWHAT NORMAL

[raisedbythetv89]

The thing about a lot of the Autistic coded characters in media, especially with female characters (thinking Anya Btvs and Bones as examples) is they’re often shown as being almost completely oblivious to how they’re perceived by the group and only know they’ve made a misstep when someone else tells them directly they did something everyone perceives as strange or odd or impolite and that is not the reality for so many Autistic women - especially adult women.

Many of us know almost instantly when we have made a misstep and so part of our mask is cataloguing that feedback to try and prevent that from happening again which is why so many of us go undiagnosed because this hyper-awareness caused by our socialization as women turns us into the slightly quirky manic pixie dream girl archetype or in my case the “surprisingly bold” and entertaining yet slightly weird girl who is a little odd but not enough to cause alarm and if you’re pretty it’s often found charming or refreshing.

And so you’ve developed this insane hyper awareness and then you learn you’re autistic and life isn’t this hard for everyone else and masking is slowly killing you because it disregulates your nervous system so severely you can’t eat or sleep properly and you start developing all these chronic pains and health conditions so you have to start unmasking which means being PAINFULLY AWARE of how bizarre/weird/different you come off in social settings without the mask you worked on for decades and you just have to accept it!! You just have to be totally ok with other’s discomfort at your abnormal behavior that doesn’t follow social norms and take zero action to try and rectify the situation or prevent it in future unless absolutely necessary like to keep a job or keep yourself safe around unsafe people

and the thing is, when you’re hyper aware that you are different but you don’t know how/why as a kid you’re always trying to “get it right” by “humaning properly” and finally fitting in. Embracing standing out and letting everyone see just how different you are is one of the scariest things you can face - like I have to know they think I’m super fucking weird and do NOTHING ABOUT IT - for the sake of my health??? But standing out is dangerous what are you talking about??!?!?

The blissful ignorance to the social norms you’re breaking that occurs in your youth can be more peaceful in the moment but leaves you easy prey to being taken advantage of or manipulated. Whereas full awareness of the social norms you can better keep yourself safe but every moment interacting with others is a practice of radical self acceptance which can be extremely isolating in a world where so many want to fit in. Obviously I can’t go back to blissful ignorance (nor would I want to) but this radical self acceptance of my weirdness and others perceiving it is:

A LOT

[daisyjonesgf]

i’ve been stuck in my thoughts for ages about this so hear me out.

So we know about reader seeing Conway’s family when she gets back from the games- the way they stare at her, their beautiful son’s killer. but image reader seeing her friends for the first time when she’s back. Becket, Tallulah, ect (sorry if any of this is spelt wrong it’s midnight and for some reason my hands won’t stop shaking😭)

I think it would be so bittersweet for all of her friends. The sweet girl everybody in District 4 likes, the sweet girl who helped all of her friends in their time of need even if it wasn’t reciprocated, the sweet girl who survived. Yet, the same sweet girl who survived is the same one who deceived and killed her best friend.

I have no clue what her friends would even say😭 It’s obvious that there would be some people who couldn’t see her the same way, but her own friends?

Like I always imagine Beckett and reader to have a really close relationship pre-reaping. Cause i totally feel that Beckett is that one friend who has no safety awareness and would do the stupidest shit, especially if it was to get a laugh out of reader. I just imagine him to be such a goofy guy and Tallulah would always be the one to insult him for it. I can just imagine them as a cute lil trio, but the question is, would that trio fade into a duo after reader comes back home?

ITS SO SAD TO THINK ABOUT BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE HAS FINNICK BUT SHE NEEDS HER BEST FRIENDS TOO😭

I can just imagine Finnick’s heart breaking as he watches his sweet girl get socially isolated when she comes back, he’d watch her say that she deserves it and his heart would just shatter. Never in a million years would she deserve it, loosing all of her remaining friends because they can’t fathom what it’s like to be in the arena. They can’t sympathise or understand at all because they just don’t have the experience she has, so they have to resort to the knowledge that they already know. The knowledge that tells them that she’s a monster because she deceived her best friend and then killed him, even if it was for survival.

PLEASE IM BEHHINH ITS SO SAD

-🌺anon

so I believe that district 4 gets away with so much because they're so rich and the Capitol can funnel in so much propaganda, not as much as 1 & 2, but especially for the people who are more well off, the games are somewhat glorified. and I envision beckett and tallulah being victims of this to a certain extent. finnick presents himself as being fine, he parties, he acts like a normal rich young playboy, so it feeds into the narrative that all winning does is make you rich, powerful, but I don't think it serves as an incentive for either of them to volunteer because they aren't the type of people who long for more then the privileged lives they already have.

ao basically I don't necessarily think they isolate her, but I think she isolates herself because of her perception of the situation. she hates herself, thinks she deserves to suffer, that everyone should hate her the way she does, and so she convinces herself that everyone's putting on a facade because she has wealth now, not because they still care about her as a person. so she puts on a face at parties, but draws away otherwise. in the first year or so she probably only interacts, on a day to day basis, with finnick and just enough with her family to support them financially.

finnick tries to get her to spend time with mags, but for a while she won't, the first time she does she sits there in silence until she starts bawling. he doesn't like beckett much but he tries to help him open back up to her, and he does enjoy talullah's company, so he'd invite them over for dinner just try to mediate.

but once he's making dinner and tells her he's invited people over she's pissed and freaking out

"what do you mean? finnick, please, I can't act tonight, just me and you, please"

"you don't have to act, angel, you haven't talked to people in months. they're your friends and worried about you because they care."

"no they don't! how can anybody care about me after what they watched me do? look what I do to my friends."

"I care about you."

"tell them not to come."

"then you'll come to the market with me tomorrow."

"finnick-"

"you're gonna have to pick something because I'm not going to let you rot away anymore. I love you and I need you to take care of yourself, you need to talk to people."

"finn, I'm fine, I just need you."

and he wants to fold for his sweet girl so bad but he has to be strong because he has to get her on a path to healing, it was okay at first, but way too much time has passed and it can't become permanent. so he's clenching his jaw, rubbing his forehead, taking a deep breath, ignoring her pleading eyes.

"they're coming."

"I'll lock myself in the bathroom."

and then he's crying because he just wants to help his sweet girl and his heart aches. he doesn't want to be sobbing the way he is, but it's like he can't stop. it's overwhelmed his senses. and then she's flooded with guilt again and she's crying too.

"I'm sorry I'm so difficult, you deserve better."

and then his heart hurts more when he goes to hug her, to comfort her and she's stepping away because she refuses to accept said comfort. and there's a silence besides the simmering food and sniffling tears before he's able to compose himself enough.

"mags, the market, or dinner? you choose, but you have to choose now or they will come. "

they both know he's strong enough to stop her from running into the bathroom so there's another silence. before she's slowly, shamefully walking towards him, carefully grabbing his hand and tracing up his arm.

"you've already started dinner and it's too late to cancel."

she's muttering it looking at the floor and he can't help but suddenly feel so relieved and ecstatic, so hopeful

"really?"

his voice glimmering so slightly and she's nodding, continuing her patterns up his arm before he's hugging her with all of his warmth. and he's filled with excitement because she's taking a step, she's trying. and it's a rough night, but she tries. the conversation gets awkward and clunky, but she talks, and by the end of the night she's a little less sure her friends despise her.

it still takes nearly two years for her to just be friends again, but she makes small steps through the storm.

and also beckett and tallulah totally end up getting married years later and reader is a bridesmaid, so she does eventually once again become a pretty functioning member of society, up until the quarter quell.

[writing-in-april]

Unintentionally Unrequited

Lesley Smith-Juniment x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: Reader tries to hold back their love for Lesley while he’s still reeling from his broken engagement.

A/N: Hey Heyyy!!!! This is my first fic for Lesley guys!!! It’s also my twenty-fourth fic for my 30 fics in 30 days for April! It’s based on this request- I had a lot of fun with it!!! (Hope I got his character right 🤞) Lol low key I might have been projecting my love of the cold in the first paragraph- im sorry to all my warm weather lovers!!! 😂 Feel free to leave an ask here (I promise I don’t bite, I swear) Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: I swear three times- that’s it 🥰

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.5k

The sun beat down hard on me, making my eyes squint and my skin hotter than I would have liked. Normally I would have been wallowing in misery as I thrived in the cold, even though I lived in Texas. That’s where my job was and that’s where Lesley was, so I swallowed up my complaints, especially now.

Lesley was grabbing our drinks, which was more of a challenge than I expected. I watched him stumble about a million times in his closed toed Birkenstocks he still insisted on wearing, kicking up streams of sand while the concession worker snickered. Instead of laughing like most I smiled brightly, finding it incredibly endearing rather than using it as a reason to make fun of him. I may have not found his closed toed Birkenstocks very fashionable, but he loved them, and I loved him.

I could only say that in my head though, he was still unequivocally in love with Summer- even though she had stomped on his heart. He had thought he found love and watched it cruelly be ripped away from him when Summer broke off their engagement. Normally with whirlwind engagements it was expected that they wouldn’t last. But, with Lesley and Summer I had really thought that they would stand the test of time. I loved him too much to break the fragile happiness he had, though it turns out someone was going to do it for me anyway.

Lesley was still holding a torch for her, I could tell by the way he got a little melancholic sometimes when he talked to me. I did my best to get his mind off of it, that’s why we were here, on this unremarkable beach.

I was glad I at least did something good when I whisked him away to the beach for a while so he wouldn’t have to see Summer or be reminded of her. I knew that eventually we’d have to go back, but it was nice to pretend in this utopia I had crafted for us for the time being, even if the beach was slightly shitty. And, I meant that literally; there was tons of uncleared bird poop everywhere. We had to find a specific spot that was somewhat secluded to find a spot not covered in it.

When he came back with our drinks, it was a little more graceful than the first time, though the worker still laughed when his back was turned, which earned him a glare from me. As we sipped on our slushies while sitting on a rickety bench by the beach, I contemplated everything that had happened in recent months. I had been by his side through it all, mostly with my eyes blown wide at how ridiculous it all was.

Six months ago we had been very different people, sure we had the same personalities and acted relatively the same. But, our experiences over the last months have changed us into different people. I still knew Lesley, better than anyone, and certainly better than Summer claimed.

It was getting too difficult to keep trapped up inside anymore, each day I chose to say nothing made it even more painful. I sucked on my staw, trying to keep it bottled up, keeping it down by the colorful ice that tasted artificially sweet. It felt like I was choking on the love, it wanted to spill out and compel me to confess even though I didn’t want to.

Before I even knew what I was saying it started to tumble out, bubbling up to the surface getting ready to explode any friendship Lesley and I had,

“I know you never will feel the same way, but I have to tell you this,” He cocked his head to the side in question, not expecting what was about to come out of my mouth next, “I love you.”

His mind had obviously short circuited going by the look on his face, jaw dropped open, eyes blown wide, and fingers shaking in shock. It took him a minute to process, frozen in the same place trying to understand what I had just said.

Not long ago he had made the same confession to someone that ultimately ended up leaving him heartbroken. I was afraid I was due for my own dose of unrequited love.

His body must have caught up with his mind as he stood up, knocking over his red colored slushy in the process, staining the sand. He was rubbing the front of his khaki shorts in panic, I grabbed them without thinking; he could hate me now and never want to touch me again.

However, he did not pull away from me, in fact he gripped my hands in a tighter hold while he also squeezed his eyes shut a few times. I opened my mouth to say something, but found myself completely choked up at Lesley’s own admission, “I love you too.”

“I thought you still loved Summer?” Tears were falling down my face, but each drop was quickly brushed to the side by my hands, not wanting to have Lesley see me cry. I had thought Summer had meant the world to him, the way he looked at her made me think that he’d never look at me the same way. I had never even thought to turn around and see if he was looking at me in the first place.

“No, I don’t she was- Never mind it doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that I love you- it’s always been you. You’re the only person who really knows me, really sees me for me.” His hands enveloped my cheeks with cold from him holding the slushy cup while he said his own confession, much more wordy than my own. With his confession heat began to bloom in my cheeks, warming up his cold hands. They were warming up from sheer embarrassment rather than the sun that was still beating down on us overhead. It seemed so silly now, to keep my love for him secret while he walked into a romance his heart wasn’t fully in.

“I’m sorry.” I meekly whispered, dipping my head down in shame.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I didn’t tell you…” He then tipped my head up to look at him with confidence I didn’t often see from him.

“You told me now and- that’s all that matters.” Bridging the gap that had slowly been decreasing between the two of us, surprisingly he initiated the kiss.

His lips tasted like the cherry slushy he had been drinking, mixed with the blue raspberry one I had been downing. It was a sugary sweet combo almost sickly, but all I wanted was more. I had deprived myself of the sugar I had been pining for, for so long, I didn’t care if it was somewhat overwhelming to my taste buds.

We had both been idiots, colossal idiots for not getting the nerve to open our mouths and speak up to one another. Though maybe I was the bigger idiot because I had watched him pretend to love someone else, not noticing all the looks he had probably thrown my way. I had been so convinced that he would never love me back that I let the sweetness of him be used by someone else, even though it was always meant for me. Running my fingers through his hair I pulled him even closer to me, touching him without pause or thought of the repercussions. It felt good to be free, like I was flying high up above the clouds unrestricted by my own self doubting thoughts that always tried to sabotage me.

Lesley had been kissing me back with the same amount of force as I was, not a shred of hesitation in sight as he sucked on my bottom lip. Unfortunately I had to let him go when I noticed the concession’s vendor eyeing the two of us while eating a bag of peanuts. Glaring hard again at the man I then refocused onto Lesley, and I never wanted to stop looking. He seemed disappointed at first when we seperated; he had tried to chase my lips as if that would be his first and only taste. I gave him a quick kiss on the tip of his button nose, another taste of the affection he’d be treated to as long as he’d let me give it to him. Speaking softly I then expanded on my confession from earlier, “I promise there’ll be more where that came from- I love you and I never want to let you go.”

He looked down at our intertwined fingers still with shock, he brought them up to his lips, giving his own affection to the tops of my hands with two sweet pecks. “I love you too.” He then mumbled into our palms, giving them one last peck before releasing them.

Tugging his hands I then walked backwards towards our shitty hotel rooms that matched the shitty beach, though I wouldn’t be separating from him once we reached mine. “Come on let’s go.” I said with another tug before breaking out into a run with him right behind, ready to start our adventure of requited love.

Ask Me Anything

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[detective-gum-chew]

okay okay okay

i know this isnt an orginal idea by any means but roleswap!narumitsu is just so good

so youll have to indulge me because this lives in my head rent free and i want to write it down concretely somewhere (also this gets LONG so ill pop a cut in here)

alright so:

1. at least in my writing of it, this is also a no-dl6/gregory lives au. but as well at that, miles and phoenix didnt go to school together

2. this means that there was nobody to defend phoenix at the class trial (yes i know the money stolen was edgeworths but shhh lets pretend it was someone elses, kay?) this lead to phoenix becoming not only bitter, but somewhat obsessive over the idea of punishing people that do wrong

(if someone can find that quote where phoenix talks about how he could have become a prosecutor because of the trial i will give u a gentle kiss on the forehead) 

3. Edgeworth was raised by Gregory and ends up becoming a defense attorney

4. in this, Von Karma goes down and Franzy is adopted by Gregory, and she assists Miles in his cases. (she can still have a whip, as a treat.)

5. anyway with that set up, lets get into some cases

6. Larry gets accused of Cindys murder, Miles defends with Franzy

7. Lets say Mia was in the crowd of that trial and decided to contact miles, seeing as he appears to be another uncorrupt lawyer and asks him for his help in taking down Redd White

8. He agrees, and she sets a time for him to meet at her office so they can talk. Mia then calls her sister and updates her on how shes going to recruit another person (Redd White hears this)

9. Much like the original case, Mia gets murdered, but this time, Maya isnt here to be blamed. Instead, its Miles himself, as the name that White heard over the phone (so basically we’re speed running to the “defend yourself in court” part)

10. the prosecutor today is Phoenix Wright.

11. but before that lets go into some backstory actually. Phoenix had encountered Mia previously during the Terry Fawles case. He had respected her as a peer, if not for just her determination and deductive skills. (After all, he was young at the time and solely focused on punishing the wicked) After Diego’s poisoning, he had briefly reached out for condolences

12. but anyway, Phoenix had distantly respected Mia, and now that she was dead, he was going to be tough on whoever he thought murdered her.

13. Miles proves his innocence, although it takes some baiting to get Redd White out of his building and actually into court. 

14. Wright is... not pleased about this, but theres not much he can do. His displeasure for Mias murder has shifted, but theres a new displeasure for Miles, the man who could beat him in court. (”well well well, you managed to save your own skin. But you should hope you get as lucky as you did in your next case”)

15. Next case! We know Miles is a steel samurai fan, so even without Maya it takes very little convincing for him to take the case. (Fran is not as amused but trusts her brother... enough.. to follow his lead)

16. Case proceeds mostly as normal, with Phoenix requiring Dee to re-do her testimony (maybe something deep within him still itches to put the true bad guy away, even if its harder than the accused)

17. I dont think Phonix would deliver the unnecessary feelings line, although there definetely is that moment in the lobby where hes like “hm. maybe you arent a bad person, but that doesnt mean i have to like you.”

18. and now, now now now, we finally get to the part where i somehow managed to put the most thought into. (for context it is nearly 2 am when i am writing this)

19. sleep schedule aside, you couldnt have thought i would made this WITHOUT some good angst, so here we go. case four is similarly structured to the original, but with an extra side of Phoenix angst.

20. Miles wakes up to Franzy shaking him. She points to the television. the news is on, but the voices are drowned out by a distant ringing as he stares at the image on the screen.

Famed Prosecutor Phoenix Wright Arrested For Murder

21. it just doesnt make sense. So he gets out of bed and into the closest clothes he can find and out the door with his sister in tow. He sits in the cold detention room, thinking about the other side of the glass.

22. Phoenix Wright looks dull. He asks what they want. Miles says he wants an explanation. Wright sneers and asks why. For some reason, that pisses Miles off. He slams his badge to the glass and Wright looks surprised.

“Do you know what this is? It’s my attorneys badge.”

“the badge doesnt mean youre a good lawyer.”

“Well Mr Wright, its 2-0, so i dont think you have any right to say that.” Miles glares at him and Wright sits back in his seat. He watches Miles for a long time.

“If im going to defend you, you need to tell me what happened.“ Wrights eyebrows shoot up and Franziska squawks at his side

“What do you mean defend him!”

“What she said.”

Miles narrows his eyes at Wright as he ponders to himself the answer. Why is he doing it? the answer comes to him. 

“Because i dont believe you did it.”

For all his snark, Miles cant bring himself to believe that the man in front of him would kill someone. Theres something about him, either in his eyes or the way he carries himself that makes the idea itself preposterous. Wright looks at him for a long time after he says it.

“Very well.”

21. Miles doesnt seem him until court, but at least he testifies. The next person up, a red head by the name of Melissa Foster, gives a testimony that seems airtight.

22. that is, until he looks over at Phoenix, who is pale as he looks at the woman on the witness stand. Phoenix catches his eye, and very carefully, very slowly, mouths one name.

Dahlia Hawthorne

23. (I really wish i could continue with the more narrative parts of this but im honestly running out of steam and ill get to the point lol. Maybe ill finish it later.)

24. Terry Fawles dies on the stand. Diego Armando falls into a coma. Dahlia Hawthorne walks free. Even after what happened to Diego, Phoenix is convinced he can do better. He sets up a meeting with Dahlia.

25. Doug shows up, trying to persuade him away from it, saying he overheard Dahlia’s plan to kill Phoenix when she arrives. Phoenix is cocky, and the pair fight. Doug gets shoved into the powerline. Phoenix, thinking him dead, panics and runs.

26. Dahlia, having overheard, goes back and finishes him off, drops some poison into his mouth perhaps. With an accidental death with a cause so obvious, nobody bothers to run blood tests (until Miles)

27. Its years later, and Phoenix gets a note that tells him they know what really happened to Doug. Phoenix arrives to a meeting place to find a dead body. He picks up the vial of poison almost absently. 

28. After all, Dahlia had gotten rid of Diego and Mia was dead. Now all she had to do was get rid of Phoenix

29. It plays out similarly to case four, with Phoenix being absolved of the first murder, then confessing to the old one. Miles has gone through the work to save his life once, that he cant not do it again.

30. but happy endings (ish) for all, with Phoenix being freed, Dahlia imprisoned and Miles having a better understanding of both him and Phoenix.

31. maybe more happens but we’re at bullet point 31 so its time to stop for now lmao. uh but yeah! roleswap au..... brainrot really.

[antiterf]

I don't know where else to put this. I'm scared. I've been dysphoric since middle school. I thought it would go away eventually. every girl hates puberty, right? but it didnt. im in college and its still eating away at me. i stumbled upon a terf blog in highschool and i tried using their points to ease my concerns. its normal to hate being a girl. its normal to feel disconnected from your own body since society has always told you to hate it.how do i tell if im a guy or if im a girl with issues?

I mean it really depends. You've probably internalized a lot of their rhetoric so you may want to start by convincing yourself that it's okay to question or be trans in the first place.

If you think it would help you to decide if you're trans or not, you may want to work through with yourself or a therapist if you think any cases of misogyny you've faced seem worse than another. If that could possibly be the cause of your disconnect and discomfort. I'm not saying this as a suggestion for actually finding out, but for working through what doubts you may struggle with. I'm honestly suggesting this to deal with internalized terf rhetoric and a way to figure out if it relates to you or not. Even if it does, it doesn't mean you can't possibly be trans or that transitioning won't help. It's just that if puberty was the main reason why you became so uncomfortable, that should have worn off by now since it ends at around 16. The change should be settled into your mind by now.

Another thing you could do is talk to women you know In Real Life to see if they've experienced something like what you're feeling. If they say yes then ask them to explain. If the explanation resonates with what you're feeling then try to get advice on how they deal with it. I say this because usually cis women I've asked about this straight out said they haven't felt that way or explain something that's a bit off from what I was trying to say. It wasn't until I found other trans people where I finally heard what resonated with my actual experience.

Of course the two above suggestions don't give you a 100% answer and I don't want you to think that if you've experienced heavy misogyny or relate to cis women then you're not trans. Especially if you're still stuck feeling like shit.

This is what I really suggest though:

What can help is transitioning in little ways. Try a binder or mens underwear and see how you feel. Try to get clothes from the mens section so that way they don't highlight your curves (relaxed fit Jeans are life savers). If you feel overwhelmed then stop for a bit and reflect on why you felt that way. If that goes well and you feel somewhat better then try to ask someone that you trust to call you by a different name or pronouns to see how it feels.

If you can you could try to get help for your mental health too if you haven't already. Your college campus probably has counseling or something you can use but I'm not sure how conservative your area or campus is. So as someone who lives by a campus that still uses therapy to try to turn people straight or cis, look into it beforehand if you're at a private and religious school.

I've been in a position like this before and I want to say that it's going to be okay. Take things as slow as you need to. It's okay if you feel like others are going so much faster. It's okay if you feel like the suggestions that I gave or others will possibly give feel overwhelming and too much. It's okay to be terrified of what your situation is, I know I was. Just please be gentle with yourself, because I know I wasn't.

Basically: Ask if any life experiences had the consequence of this feeling happening besides puberty, see who you relate to, and try to explore and see what you're more comfortable with.

[kyber-crystal]

Unspoken Words

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 4.2k (I POPPED OFF LOLLLLL)

Summary: In which the night before being deployed on a covert black-ops mission overseas with Natasha, you write Steve a secret love letter that you never intended to give him. But, it still ends up falling into his hands.

Warnings: fluff, soft angst, cute steve hehe

A/N: once again, shamelessly stole this idea from the kdrama im watching adsfasdf

To Steve.

You always told me it was time I found someone who cared for me just as much as I cared about others. For the longest time, I had myself believing I was set for life since I already had the team. That I didn’t need to find a man to sweep me off my feet and take his last name, to have as my own, as every time I seemed to let my feelings wander astray, it’d end in tragedy.

After waiting for too long to say this, I guess I'm gonna come clean now, so brace yourself. I felt as if this would be easier for me if I was saying it on paper rather than in person, so here you go.

I realized I'm in love with you. You never leave my mind. You're always there, mentally, if not physically. It's hard for you to comprehend all at once, I know, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around, too. It still feels unreal that I'm actually admitting all this to you. I could've sworn I'd only acted this way in my dreams, but hey, reality can sometimes come up behind you and slap you in the face, you know?

In the middle of the storm, a war that rages on in my mind, you’re my safe haven. You’re the gentle center who keeps me steady and prevents me from teetering over the edge and losing my grip on reality. You keep me centered, and I don’t know what I’d do without you by my side. Steven Grant Rogers, I’m in love with you. I know, it doesn’t seem real. As crazy as it sounds, I’m hopelessly in love with you.

Steve, you are my one stability in a chaos-ridden world and I thank you endlessly for that. I so desperately needed something to hold onto, something to convince me I was still alive and breathing and somewhat sane. It's hard for me, it's hard that only today I've accepted the feelings I'd been harboring inside for years. But I've decided to admit defeat and admit I've officially fallen in love with you. Because what I'm beginning to feel now is far too strong for me to ignore; it's impossible to keep up this act when you're all I can seem to think about.

It's all strange, honestly. The feeling of butterflies flying around my stomach and tickling my insides makes me feel as if I'm up in the sky, my head in the clouds, but it also overwhelms me and makes me scared at the same time. The fact that I'm in so deeply in love scares me because I know when I'm really in love with someone, it's hard to escape once I've completed the act of falling for them.

Weird, right? Who knew the great Y/N was so capable of being a romantic sap?

It feels dangerous yet completely safe at the same time, as if someone's given me peace and my heart is dancing around in my chest because it's so happy, at the same time there is a Captain America-shaped hole there in the center that I was never aware was there in the beginning. My chest aches at the thought of having to leave you or you not reciprocating my feelings, but I know I might just suffer that fate, since the world as I know it, isn't kind whatsoever. I should know this better than anyone, after fighting countless battles.

It scares me more than excites me, how you can go from being really close friends to then being completely infatuated and in love with them and wondering how you were ever able to go on with your daily life without them, because I sure as hell can't imagine that now. In the beginning, I told myself it's not right, I still had so much of my life ahead of me, so much time to plan out what I'm going to end up like in the future but my brain is screaming no, no, it is right, it's meant to be.

The team tries convincing me to do something about it but I'm terrified. Terrified that I'll have to bring down the thick and heavy walls I spent so much time building up in the fears of being hurt and damaged and my heart shattered to a million jagged pieces.

I know most people would consider me to be foolish and naïve for spilling my feelings through a sappy love letter, but it's true when I say I love you so much more than I could ever love myself. You're my best friend, and as cheesy as it sounds, you are my everything. My anchor.

I fell for you all on my own. Not because I was pressured to or anything, but because I made the decision myself. I don't just give my heart to you by default as if there's no one else available for me to open up to. It's because I choose to. Every day that I wake up, every day we're fighting for our lives or fighting each other or going about a normal day or whatever, I'll keep choosing you over and over again, and I hope someday you'll do the same.

I love you more than you know. And if you don't feel the same way, then it's perfectly fine. I understand, and I'll wait for you as long as it takes, no matter what.

Whatever it takes.

Y/N

You let out a long sigh and set down your pen, folding the paper up into fourths and tucking it under your lamp before pushing yourself away from your desk and standing up, stretching your arms in the air. What even was the point of doing that, anyways? It’s not like Steve’s just going to come in here and read the letter. 

The downside of living with the Avengers was that word got around very quickly, especially about your love life. There was no hiding anything from anyone, as they’d find out one way or another. If Tony didn’t find out first, it was Natasha, Sam, or Bucky who did.

“Hey, Nat,” you spoke without turning your head to look at who was behind you, knowing your red-headed best friend was leaning against the doorframe, observing you carefully. 

“Y/N,” Natasha nodded and made her way inside, sitting at the edge of your bed and you took a seat next to her, as she rested her head on your shoulder. “You alright? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine.”

“Something tells me you’re not.”

“Did Wanda read my mind for you?” you raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

“No, she didn’t,” she replied honestly, “she’s busy baking cookies with Vis and Peter right now. You think you wanna tell me what’s up? As your best friend, I’m obligated to know what’s going on.”

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh. "You know what it is."

"You mean who?"

"Why am I letting this happen to myself?"

"You can't control who you fall for,," she explained. "Your heart sometimes just has a mind of its' own."

“He’s Captain America,” you deadpanned.

“And you’re the badass Y/N!”

“I shouldn’t even have feelings in the first place. And I shouldn't have written that love letter that I won't even give him anyways, or...you know."

"You wrote him a letter?"

You got up and tugged the letter from underneath your lamp and gave it to her, watching as her eyes scanned over the paper with your tidy, typewriter-like handwriting filling the sheet from top to bottom.

"So..."

Natasha handed the paper back to you. "Why can't you just tell him?"

"Because he doesn’t like me back."

"You should tell him at some point. Keeping this all to yourself isn't healthy."

"You sound like Tony."

She chuckled lightly. "What?It's the truth."

"Fine," you threw your hands up in the air in defeat, "I’ll consider telling him after we get back from Kyiv. I’m only considering it. And if I do confess...will you take me out for shawarma? Bucky took me last time and I barely got to eat anything because he stole most of my food."

"Alright, I promise," she laughed. "You got a deal."

...

SHIELD was always taking advantage of your almost unparalleled skill in the art of covert espionage and hand to hand combat and sending you off. Normally, it would last no longer than a few days or weeks at a time, so to hear that you'd be gone for four whole months made Steve feel sick to his stomach. He was dreading having to watch you leave, because it would mean spending the next third of a year by himself, without being able to see your face or your smile or simply have you around for some good company.

You pulled him aside after dinner one night to tell him the news.

"Nat and I were called in by Fury early this morning. We're being deployed to eastern Europe to stop a nuclear missile launch."

"How long will you be gone?" He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, but it was a dead giveaway that he didn't want you to go at all.

"Well...if things go right, 3-4 months."

"And if doesn't?"

"Six, maybe seven."

Steve felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at your answer. "Why is it gonna take so long?"

"I don't know," you sighed, "just trying getting in and out isn't a very short process. We have to maintain low profile for a while before we infiltrate the base. If we're discovered too early on...then...well, we're basically screwed."

"Oh."

"Hey, I'm going to be fine, if that's what you're so worried about," you took his hand in yours and squeezed it tightly, "I know you're thinking I can't handle this, but I can. Nat and I are gonna look out for each other. I promise I'll be okay."

"When are you leaving?"

"First thing in the morning. We gotta go at four."

You didn't have to add on another sentence to tell him it meant you were unable to say goodbye to anyone. He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to ignore that weird feeling in his chest as you kept holding his hand, not letting go even when you had the chance to.

Later that night, you were able to get five hours of sleep before Natasha came in to wake you up and you got ready. When she noticed how your eyes had lost the light to them and your shoulders slumped as you boarded the jet, she knew something was up.

Guilt clawed at your insides. You should’ve told him you loved him before you left, you idiot. What if you don’t make it back alive? Hm?

A set of footsteps echoing across the hangar bay suddenly made you turn around. You turned around to see Steve, jogging towards you and calling out your name. Knowing it was only a matter of minutes before you finished boarding and took off for a mission thousands of miles away, with very little ways of communication as you were supposed to be as discreet as possible when undercover, he didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye.

A mix of surprise and relief is on your face when you see him. You shake your head and give him a reassuring look, that everything was going to be okay and you'd be just fine.

"What are you doing here? You should be sleeping," your brows furrowed together in confusion as you unloaded your weapons, tying up your combat boots. "I thought you—"

Steve quickly comes forward and crushes you into a tight embrace that tells you he's going to miss you much more than he's letting on. You were quick to return the gesture, wrapping your arms around his torso and squeezing him back, resting your head against his broad chest.

"Stay safe out there," he murmured into your hair, pressing a light, fleeting kiss to the top of your hair.

You don't question his sudden act of sentiment, and just gave him a small smile in response. "Don't worry. I will."

With that, you turned around, stepping back up the ramp with Natasha. The gates to the hangar bay slid open, and within seconds you had taken off.

Steve stands there for a while even after the Quinjet is out of his sight, and it's only when Bucky pulls him back inside that he realizes he's been standing there for over an hour without moving at all.

The first few weeks pass by in a blur. He hardly eats, he hardly sleeps, he hardly even gets up for his morning runs or trains at all. After the first two months came and went, Tony grew rather concerned seeing him deteriorate and decided to ask him what was going on.

"Tony, I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. What's up with you? You haven't eaten a solid meal in over two months. You've lost some weight around your face, you almost look like a skeleton. When you haven't gone on your morning runs in forever, I should have a reason to be worried about you, Cap."

"It's been five weeks and she hasn't checked in with us yet," he stated plainly, gulping down his third cup of coffee of the day. "She should've called a week ago."

"God, I never thought you'd be the one to get so worked up over a girl," the billionaire let out a long sigh, pouring himself a cup of coffee as well at the kitchen counter before taking a seat at the island next to him, "but here we are now."

"What if she got injured?"

"Her and Nat are looking out for each other. I'm sure she's fine. She's going to be okay, so why don't you eat something solid for once? Tell me what you wanna order, I'll get it for you."

Thanks, Tony. I'll take Thai." (You and Steve often ate Thai takeout together.)

"Anytime."

Way over in Ukraine, you and Natasha were sitting on the bed in your hotel room watching the news on TV in silence because neither one of you felt like sleeping yet, until she decided to speak up.

"Why haven't you called Rogers yet?"

"I...don't know."

"He's gotta be missing you like hell, you know."

"I know. And I miss him too...a bit too much. That's why I can't call him. Because every time I hear his voice or see something that reminds me of him, it makes me fall even more in love with him and I can't afford having that. I don't want to risk getting hurt. Besides...I already summoned every last ounce of willpower to write that letter."

"You really should give him a call. It's not doing your heart any good to purposely drain yourself of him."

"Fine."

Steve had somehow allowed himself to get roped into a Mario Kart showdown with Bucky and Sam, when his phone suddenly lit up with a familiar number he could recognize anywhere. Your contact picture filled up the screen: you grinning wildly as his arms wrapped around you from behind, Pietro photobombing in the back as he made heart signs with his hands.

He picked up the phone and answered it after only one ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Steve," you spoke over the phone, "how's it going?"

"Hey," he couldn't help but break into a smile, "are you alright?"

"Yeah. We got the data files downloaded onto the flash drive and then destroyed it yesterday. So for now, we're just waiting around and maybe doing some tours of Kyiv while we have time."

"What time is it over there?"

"Half past midnight. You?"

"2:30."

"How are you holding up?"

Bucky and Sam looked over at that exact moment, wiggling their eyebrows up and down as they gestured for Steve to say something. "I'm doing fine. Got pulled into a Mario Kart deathmatch with the two idiots."

"Tell Bucky and Sam I send my regards and that I'm bringing back those baguettes I promised for when we stop over in Paris," you told him.

"I will. It's good to hear your voice, Y/N."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter at those words. "It's good to hear your voice, too. Look, I'm sorry...but it's getting late, and my data on my phone is low, Fury didn't give me an unlimited plan so I gotta go now. See you soon."

"Okay. Try to get some good sleep, alright? I don't want you getting hurt because you didn't get a good night's rest the night before. See you."

"COME ON, MAN!" Sam yelled as soon as you hung up. "You didn't even have the decency to say 'I love you?'"

"I love her, but not like that."

"Sure you don't. I saw the way your face lit up when you picked up the phone."

"Two months," the super-soldier let out a sigh of disappointment, setting down the controller to watch him and Bucky tear each other apart on Rainbow Road, "two more months."

He picked up his phone again and clicked on his camera roll, mindlessly beginning to scroll through until one picture caught his eye. It was during summer break when you were vacationing in the Bahamas for two weeks along with several SHIELD agents, and Coulson had taken the team picture. Fury had somehow been convinced to come along as well.

As his eyes scanned all the faces in the picture, he came across himself and noticed that he wasn't smiling at the camera, but at you instead, and you were doing the same. Both of you, gazing into each others' eyes as if the two of you were the only people left on Earth.

He felt a pang in his chest as he realized, at that moment, that he was in love with you and hadn't gotten the chance to tell you so before you left. And now, it could be too late.

The letter ends up reaching Steve much faster than you'd anticipated it to. The next day, he went to drop off the sweatshirt you left in his room last time you’d had a movie night together and comes across a single sheet of paper lying out on your desk.

All the color quickly drains from his face when he realizes this wasn't actually meant for him to read. He knows what he'd just done was wrong, but the fact that he was so oblivious to how you felt about him makes him feel even worse.

...

The mission had gone extremely well. You and Natasha were in and out of that base probably faster than you could summon Tony after yelling out that one of his suits had been tampered with.

Natasha thought it'd be fun to surprise him by coming back a month early and could tell instantly that you loved the idea, judging by the way your eyes lit up when you boarded the Quinjet.

You decided to call him again on the flight back as she sat at the front piloting the jet.

"Steve?"

"Hey. What's up?"

"Uh...I'm afraid there's been a change of plans."

"What plans?" His voice quickly grew worried as he tried masking his disappointment at the fact that you weren't announcing your return.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, I'm sorry, but...I just wanted to call you to update you on what's happening. Signal's not very good up here, Nat and I are flying out again so I'll call you when we touch down."

"Okay. Talk to you in a bit."

After making a quick pit stop at a bakery in Paris, you were up in the skies again, zipping back towards the Avengers HQs where the rest of the team was waiting.

"You know, I think Rogers is in love with you," Natasha gave you a knowing look as you touched down.

"What makes you think that?"

"When you guys were going after Bucky...I think that's when it all happened."

"But that was several years ago?"

"Exactly."

You unbuckled your seatbelts and stood up, picking up your duffel bags as the opening gates dropped down and you stepped off the ramp to an awaiting Bucky, Sam, Clint and Peter.

"Y/N!" Peter rushed forward, squeezing you in a tight hug. "Hi! You're home early!"

"Yeah, I am," you grinned ruffling his hair as you pulled apart. "You make sure Bucky and Sam didn't misbehave?"

Sam shot you a glare as Peter replied. "Well, they were alright. Happy dropped me off here yesterday and I monitored their Mario Kart matches to make sure nobody killed someone, so yeah. Clint was good too."

You went over to Bucky as Natasha went to talk to Sam and Clint about mission details."

"Y/L/N."

"Barnes."

"How was the flight?" His hard expression softened slight as he gave you a quick hug. "I heard everything went pretty well."

"Yeah, it was okay. A bit jet-lagged, but other than that I'm fine. And speaking of flight! I got you guys something."

You motioned for Nat to bring the box of pastries from the jet, and as soon as she did everyone's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Dude, you're the best," Sam exclaimed as he bit into an eclair. "I love Parisian pastries."

"We don't wanna be here too long, now do we?" Clint spoke up. "Y/N, I think you have a special someone to surprise inside."

"Oh?" you raised an eyebrow at the archer before following him and the others inside the compound.

Steve was busy reading a news article on his phone at the kitchen island, sitting there in a plain grey T-shirt and dark jeans when he looked up and met your gaze.

"Hey, soldier," you greeted with a smirk, "miss me?"

His face broke into a grin as he set his phone down. "You're back early."

"Fury was a bit more lenient this time," you shrugged, taking your hands out of your jacket pockets, "so he let us go. Since we got the job done pretty fast."

He chuckled lightly, pulling you close in response and wrapping his strong arms around you. "I'm glad you're back."

"So I take it you really missed me, huh."

"You could put it that way."

"Like hell he missed you. You should've seen him while you were gone, Christ," Sam groaned. "He wouldn't eat anything solid for an entire week."

"Oh!" Wanda piped up, "I believe he has something to tell you? Right, Steve?"

"No, I don't?"

"Uh, we'll leave now, then," Clint awkwardly cleared his throat. "Let's give these two a minute."

With that, they calmly filed out of the kitchen, leaving the two of you to yourselves.

"You look tired," Steve raised an eyebrow at you as he noticed the dark circles under your eyes.

"You look worse," you joked, earning a small laugh from him as you circled your arms around his torso. "I'm just a bit jet-lagged. The ten hour time difference wasn't very kind to me."

"Well, I'm glad you're back," he breathed out, "I missed you."

"Ah, there it is," you mumbled into his chest. "But yeah, I missed you too. And here I was starting to think Captain America didn't have the heart to care for someone so much."

"Only for you, Y/N," he chuckled, pressing a light kiss to your forehead, "only for you."

“Wait a second,” you pulled away and saw a familiar piece of paper sticking out of his jacket pocket, “what’s that?”

Your eyes widened as you pulled it out and realized it was the letter you’d written him several months back. “Oh shit...”

“Was I not supposed to read this?’

“NO!”

“It was addressed to me, though...?”

“I never meant for you to read it!” you hissed, “Now give it back!”

“Ah ah ah! I don’t think so.”

You let out an annoyed groan, going up on your tiptoes to try and snatch the paper out of his hand. “Screw you, Rogers. Why do you have to be so damn tall?”

You jumped up and down in an attempt to get the letter back for several minutes until you finally gave up, arms growing sore. When he towered half a foot above you, it was hopeless.

Your hands landed against his chest as you let them fall and you just stood there for a few seconds, or minutes, maybe, in utter silence, with his warm breath falling against your neck and you hated yourself for wanting this moment to last longer. 

The air was suddenly buzzing with anticipation, like the world was holding its breath to see what was to come next. Steve’s gaze lingered on your lips before he tilted his head downwards, placing a hand on the small of your back and pulling you in for a kiss. 

His lips met your own so softly, so gently that you swore that you were dreaming for a split second, and you let out a sigh as your arms slid around his waist and tightened their grip around him. 

“In case I haven’t made it obvious enough, either,” he hummed, “I’m in love with you too.”

You felt heat rise up your cheeks. “You weren’t supposed to read that!”

“Too bad,” he smirked, resting his chin on your head, “I read it already, three times. You bet I’ll be keeping this for myself.”

“I hate you so much.”

“That’s not what the letter says.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Fine! I love you.”

Steve laughed lightly. “I love you too, Y/N.”

[whimsimmortal]

Plot Bunny

Wow, I’m alive! And posting fanfiction on tumblr, as if I have any idea what I’m doing!! Please check it out on AO3, where I am actually capable of navigating the website: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441853

Plink. Another small, innocuous sound scarcely registered past Danny’s homework-induced stupor. It could have been a stray raindrop or a kamikaze bug. He had more important things demanding his attention; namely, the book report due tomorrow. This was at least the fifth time he’d rewritten the same paragraph. Words had lost all meaning to him by this point, but he was so close to finishing.

Tip-tap. Clonk, the noise emitting from the bedroom window insisted. He glared suspiciously towards the disturbance, envisioning ethereal arrows or blob ghosts intent on breaking in. He hadn’t sensed anything ghostly nearby, but given his luck, the paranoia was usually warranted. Emitting a groan from the depths of his soul, he rose from his desk to inspect the noise. He spared a second to stretch and shake the pins and needles out of his fingers, trying to wake up. Just in case it was something serious, y'know. Tink. “Alright, jeez, I’m coming,” he muttered, pulling back his curtain.

There weren’t any ghosts, of course. That was somewhat of a relief, even if going down swinging  was preferable to succumbing to a failing high school education. The early sunset gleamed amber off the windows across the street, and the sky was clear, except for— chink— the pebbles bouncing off his window. A lone kid was standing on the sidewalk below, no older than eight or nine. He looked vaguely familiar. He was pulling his arm back to throw more stones and bawling his eyes out.

Danny yanked open the window, sliding up the screen to fully stick his head out. His core vibrated, unsettled. There wasn’t any obvious danger, and the kid didn’t look hurt. Where were his parents? Why was he here? “Hey! What’s wrong, buddy? Are you okay?”

“You, you, you,” the kid tried to start, but great hiccupping sobs interrupted him. He scrubbed his face with his fists, obviously trying to regain his composure. “You’ve gotta send the ghost hero out!”

Danny jerked back, unintentionally smacking the back of his skull on the underside of the window. Well, now he was awake. What? “Uh, a ghost? Here? No, there isn’t—I can’t—what are you talking about?”

The boy was right up against the side of the house now, sniffling loudly and staring straight up at Danny with wide, sad eyes. “Please?” He whined, winding his hands up in the fabric of his sweater nervously.

Well, now he was stuck. Some random kid was going to out his whole identity, but the urge to help was almost overwhelming. “I can’t—there can’t be any ghosts here, but give me a second and I can just come down?” He offered. “Do you want me to find your parents?”

“Noooo!” The kid wailed and stomped his foot, banging on the wall with his tiny fists. “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the superman ghost go in there! Let him out! I need him!!”

Oh, crap, someone was going to hear. This kid’s parents were going to freak out, or his own parents were going to notice, and what if they took that kind of claim seriously? Shoot. Literally. He chuckled nervously. “Hey, hey, shhh, okay! You win! I’ll, uh, summon him, or something! But you have to be quiet, or you’ll, y’know, scare him off.” The child nodded solemnly, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve and stifling his sobs.

Danny ducked back behind the curtain, gracelessly crumpling to sit with his back against the wall. He ran his hands through his hair. He’d been seen? When? He’d tried so hard to be careful, and use invisibility whenever he was close to the house. Maybe he’d gotten lazy. Maybe, sometimes, he let the promise of sleep take priority over precautions. Stupid.  He smacked the palm of his hand into his forehead, frustrated. How long had this kid known? Who else had he told? He couldn’t just scare him into silence, he was too little. That was just messed up, he’d give him nightmares or something.

He wasn’t going to figure anything out by sitting here moping. He triggered the transformation, the familiar prickling electric feeling swiftly replaced by the soothing cold. He turned to peek over the edge of the window, checking for anyone else around. It was still just the same kid, kicking at a pebble on the concrete while he waited.

He floated down slowly, not wanting to startle his impromptu visitor, who turned and saw him as he touched down. The little guy gasped, forgotten tears slipping away from unblinking eyes.

“Hi there,” Danny prompted gently. “Were you looking for me?”

The kid kept ogling, mesmerized, and a few seconds passed by before he could shake himself out of it. “Wow, you’re the real superhero guy,” he whispered reverently.

Oh. That was pretty cute, actually. He couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, that’s me. You can call me Phantom,” he offered.

“I’m Wyatt,” the kid mumbled, covering his damp cheeks with his hands shyly. He tipped his head down, still staring through his eyelashes.

A neighbor’s front door opened down the street, and Danny swiftly disappeared. Wyatt startled, blindly swinging his hands back and forth through the seemingly-empty space. “Wait! Come back!” He recoiled with a yelp when his blundering reach made contact with the specter.

“It's okay, I’m right here,” he reassured the kid. “But we can’t let people know I’m here, okay? They’ll—um. I’ll get in trouble.”

Wyatt squinted, reaching forward again. Danny offered his hand, and the little fingers gripped his glove tightly. He looked like he was offering the empty air a fist bump. “Right,” the kid agreed earnestly.

“Seriously,” Danny pressed. “You can’t tell anyone that I li-” he bit his tongue. Don’t say ‘live’. That’s so dumb. “Uh. Hang out here sometimes. Not even your friends, okay? Promise?”

Wyatt’s little dark eyebrows drew together, and despite his trembling chin and small stature, he looked profoundly serious. He shook the hand. “I promise.”

Well, that would have to do for now. “Thanks. Uh, what did you need me for?”

The kid’s eyes immediately started to well up again, but he squeezed Danny’s fingers and pressed his lips to put on a brave face. “C’mon, Phantom, you’ve gotta-” he sniffed. “You gotta save Fuzzy,” he warbled, turning and pulling. The ghost floated behind like a balloon on a string as the pair stepped down from the curb, heading across the street.

Oh, man, if this was about a dead pet, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. That was closer to Jazz’s expertise. He swallowed his mounting dread. “Who’s Fuzzy?”

Wyatt’s face scrunched up. “He’s my bunny,” he explained, looking away. “I was just tryin’ to show ‘im to Audrey, and—and then,” he sobbed. “He went under the house! And he’s gonna get lost and stuck, and I’m-, never-, gonna see him ever again!” He let go, burying his face in his hands and howling.

Danny rested a hand lightly on Wyatt’s little shoulder, throat tight. He’d never had a pet like that, but he could understand the fear of losing loved ones a little too well, and empathy always felt more forceful when he was in ghost form. Probably something related to ectoplasm being shaped by residual emotional energy, blah blah ecto-science theory. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

The unusual duo walked two more houses down the block and cut through a side yard to a modest backyard, strewn with outdoor toys and an overturned wire fence—likey an outdoor pen for Fuzzy. An even younger girl sat on the paved patio, chewing on the end of her braid. She leaped up as they drew close. “Wyatt! I told my dad about Fuzzbutt, and he’ll call the—um, animal people. But they’re not here yet. Did you find him?”

Wyatt glanced a little to Danny’s left with a guilty expression. Well, crap, so much for his secret. He bit his lip, trying to keep his cool. First things first. A cursory scan of the area didn’t show anyone else in the immediate vicinity, so he faded back into visibility. The little girl—‘Audrey’, he guessed—gave a muffled shriek. “Ghost man!”

“Hush,” Wyatt scolded, voice quavering. “He’s a secret.”

“Oh,” Audrey whispered back. “Hello, mister normal guy man. I think you’re cool.” She beamed up at him.

“Hello, small ordinary human,” Danny quipped, and Audrey giggled delightedly. Wyatt dropped to his hands and knees, crawling up to the house, where a gap between the foundation and dirt was evident. The other two peeked over his shoulder, but there wasn’t any bunny visible past the darkness.

“Fuzzy,” Wyatt choked out. “Hang in there, we’re gonna rescue you!”

Danny turned intangible, letting his molecules seep down through the dirt past the level of his nose. He drifted close to the base of the house, juicing up the glow from his eyes. “Just wait here, okay?” Two grim, round little faces nodded back, and with that minor assurance, he delved beneath the house.

The weight of the floor above loomed. It was claustrophobic, like being buried… well, half-alive. The musty, dank mildew smell was gross, even though he wasn’t breathing. He could taste it. “Here, bunny, bunny,” he muttered. Please don’t be hurt.

A tiny pair of eyes reflected green through the gloom. The little ball of fluff was backed into a corner, and it snorted like a tiny angry bull, stomping its feet. Danny hadn’t even known rabbits could make that sound. It probably didn’t like his creeping, unnatural aura, like most rational animals. “Shhh,” he cooed, reaching for the tiny, grubby ball of fluff and dimming his glow. “I’m not gonna hurt ya.”

Fuzzbutt wasn’t convinced. In a courageous move, it darted through Danny’s forehead, wedging itself under a crooked board and squealing. Danny reached easily through the plank and wrapped his hands around the unhappy creature, sharing his intangibility. It writhed and fussed, trying to bite through his gloves. “Stop that!” He clutched it close to his chest; if he dropped it here, the stubborn thing really would be stuck. He swooped back out into the backyard, startling the anxiously waiting kids.

Audrey shrieked and tipped over. Wyatt recovered first, leaping to his Velcro-sneakered feet expectantly. “Is he okay?”

Danny recovered a more solid form, holding up the wiggling rabbit. Wyatt gasped, fresh tears glittering on his eyelashes. He reached out for the beloved pet, unable to contain his joy at the reunion. “Fuzzy! You’re okay! I love you, Fuzzy!”

“Let’s go inside first, so he doesn’t get away again?” Danny suggested. The last thing anyone needed was an instant replay. Audrey darted to open the back door, and Wyatt led the way inside. He sat on the wooden floor with open arms, and as soon as the door was firmly shut again, Danny deposited the squirming animal into his lap. Fuzzy looked marginally more content to receive numerous sloppy kisses from his adoring owner. He was actually a pretty cute little guy, black and white like a panda.

Even footsteps padded around the corner. “Wyatt, baby? Did you find-” the woman’s question cut off abruptly as she noticed the glowing stranger in her living room.

Crud. At this rate, the whole block was going to find him out before the week was up. He edged back a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I was just, um,” darn it, wrong persona. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “Doing my heroic duty, ma’am,” he finished in a falsely deep voice.

Audrey giggled (he didn’t sound that bad!), and the woman smiled nervously. Wyatt hopped to his feet, still cradling his bunny. “Mama! Look, he saved Fuzzy! I’m gonna rename him Fuzzy Phantom,” he declared.

Mama Wyatt dutifully stroked the bunny’s dusty ears. “Fuzzy Phantom needs a bath,” she commented, before looking back up to meet Danny’s eyes. She held out her clean hand, and it took him a second to recognize the offered handshake. He started to reach back, thought twice about his messy glove, and hastily peeled it off to shake her hand. Her fingers were delicate, but they didn’t falter at the chill. “You look taller on the TV,” she joked lightly. “It’s nice to meet you. Phantom, right?”

He nodded. “Uh, it was nice to meet you, too, Ms.-?”

“Sylvie Rosales,” she supplemented. Audrey snuck around her to flounce deeper into the house, taking the adult’s distraction as an invitation, and Wyatt started to follow her, but hesitated. He snuck a hand out around Fuzzy to tug on Danny’s arm, so he leaned down accommodatingly.

Wyatt stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Can I come see you sometimes?”

Oh, heck, no. That would be truly asking for disaster. “No,” he quickly replied, but before Wyatt’s pout could evolve into a true objection, he added, “but if you really don’t tell anyone how to find me, I could drop by sometimes.” He looked towards Ms. Rosales. “If that’s okay?”

Wyatt looked over to his mom pleadingly, stars in his eyes. What have I gotten myself into, Danny wondered, but he couldn’t help feeling charmed. Ms. Rosales looked like she was thinking along the same lines, with her thin-lipped smile and folded arms. “As long as you don’t cause any trouble,” she hedged.

“Thank you!!” Wyatt hugged Danny spontaneously, smushing his face into his shoulder. Fuzzy grunted his objection.

Danny ruffled the kid’s mop of hair. “I should get going. Take care of Fuzzy,” he grinned, pulling away. “And stay safe,” he added in his false baritone with a mock salute.

“You, too,” he heard Ms. Rosales call after him as he phased through the wall. He looped above the street once cheerfully before disappearing to sneak back home. He’d left his window open; rose-tinted light and a handful of moths had spilled onto his bedroom floor. This time, he didn’t reappear or turn back until he’d stealthily drawn the window and curtains closed.

He still had an hour or so to plug into his homework. He hummed as he started back in on the paragraph he’d been stuck on. It didn’t seem as daunting now, even with the lost time and near reveal. He’d have to keep an eye on his nosy little neighbor, but in the end, maybe it was the moments like today that made the whole gig worth it.

[joaquinfeed]

Love Letters (Arthur x Reader)

Prompt: You find Arthur’s journal and start exchanging notes with him. Fluff ensues. Word Count: 2,929 

— You push open the door of your Gotham city apartment building, before trudging over to the mailboxes.

“Bills, bills, bills,” you sigh, shoving the unopened letters into your bag. You turn to make your way to the elevator, but something catches your eye. A worn notebook lays on the floor at your feet, words scrawled across every inch of it. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you can’t help but reach down and grab it.

You let your fingers run over the pages, as your eyes land on what looks to be the last thing written. You almost set the journal back down, not wanting to intrude on the stranger’s personal thoughts. But something about the messy handwriting draws you in.

I just want peeple to see me. I think I would be happyer if I had someone who cared.

Your heart felt heavy for the stranger; there was no way you could pretend that you never saw this. Your hand immediately shuffled around inside your bag, pulling out a pen and getting to work on your note back.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Everyone deserves to be seen. I’m sure you have someone who cares about you, and if not, I’ll be that person.

You read over your words, nodding in approval. You drop the notebook next to the mailboxes, hoping that the man or woman who left it behind will come back for it. As you made your way to the elevator, you couldn’t help the light feeling that washed over you. For once, you felt like you actually did something worthwhile in Gotham.

—

The next day, you were practically buzzing with excitement as you rushed home from work. All you could think about was the journal you found. Had the person read your note? Did they write something back? Did they even notice that the journal was gone? So many questions were swirling through your head, but you didn’t have to dwell on them much longer.

Sitting in almost the exact same place as you left it in, the journal was open to a new page, and another messy note was scrawled across the lines.

I only have my mother. You must not have many peeple to. Why else would you be writing back to a man in a jurnal journal.

Despite yourself, you laughed at the bluntness of the stranger, who you now know is male. A few other residents of the building gave you a look as you chuckled to yourself. With your pen already in hand, you moved to draw a small smiley face on the paper.

:) It’s funny of you to say that. Very bold. It’s nice that you still have your mom. Do you see her often? P.S. My name is Y/N, what’s yours? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.

Oddly enough, you were looking forward to getting up the next morning to see if your mystery guy would write back. At first, you were sure he would, but the more you thought about it, the more you started second-guessing.

Was asking about his mother too forward? What about asking for his name? After all, this man didn’t know you whatsoever. He has no obligation to tell you anything about his life; however, he did say he was lonely in some regard. You’re just trying to be friendly, you told yourself. If he didn’t want to answer, he didn’t have to. You wouldn’t be disappointed.

—

You were right to tell yourself that you wouldn’t be disappointed. When you took a detour over the mailboxes that morning, you instantly saw a new reply sitting beneath yours from the previous day.

You think I’m funny? I do stand up comedy sometimes. I actully live with my mother here. I take good care of her. Ps I like your name. My name is Arthur. Arthur Fleck.

Your fingers traced over the man’s name.

“Arthur,” you said out loud to yourself. You liked the way his name sounded, and as strange as it seemed, you felt like his name matched his cute, scribbly handwriting.

I like your name too. Also, you’re a comedian? Now you have to tell me a joke!

You looked over the words, wondering if you should write anything else. He didn’t ask you any questions, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t tell him anything.

I think it’s great that you take care of your mom, not many people would do that.

You considered adding “you seem like a really nice guy” to the end of your note but decided against it. You’ve already been inquisitive; it’s probably best to hold back a little.

A reply was waiting for you the next morning when you checked back in. While reading it, you couldn’t help but laugh at Arthur’s response.

Why dont canibals cannibals eat clowns? Becus they taste funny.

There was a line of space between the joke he scribbled down and the rest of his note. You glanced down, hanging on to every word that was written on the page. You wondered if he felt the same way while reading what you left him.

Most peeple find it strange that I live with my mother. You said it was great. Thank you for being nice to me Y/N.

Your heart picked up at the use of your name. At the risk of sounding cliché, you can’t remember a time when the mere doodle of your name has caused such a surge of warmth to fill your body.

You felt kind of absurd for feeling like this. You haven’t even met the man. He could be any person in the building, and yet, you still felt drawn to Arthur like he was someone you’ve known forever.

You hastily wrote back to him, deciding to take a bit of a chance with your next move.

No need to thank me, Arthur. I truly think it’s admirable. Oh, and that was a hilarious joke. I’d love to hear it in person sometime.

You knew that was a bold thing to say to him. It has only been four days since you found the man’s notebook, and you’ve already given him a reason to meet with you. You’re absolutely positive you have a high chance of being the next star of a late-night murder mystery documentary. Still, at this point, you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Pushing the thoughts of Arthur out of your mind, you left for work, hoping to go one day without thinking of your new pen-pal.

—

When you arrived home from work, you were nearly falling over in exhaustion. You just wanted to get back to your apartment and crash in front of the TV. As always, though, you stopped by to read any new messages that Arthur had left. You were surprised to see a rather long entry this time compared to his usual two or three sentences.

I dont understand why you want to talk to me Y/N. You know you are not forced to anser me. I know that you probly dont actully want to meet with me. Thats ok. I enjoy getting your mesages and I want to keep talking. I feel like I have somebody with you around. But I understand if you want to stop. You dont have to lie to me and tell me you want to meet. I will be fine.

For the first time, Arthur’s note didn’t make you smile. Instead, you read through it with a dull ache in your chest. You wished there was some way to prove to him how much you looked forward to this encounter every day. Honestly, it was the only thing you looked forward to these days. 

Arthur,

You doodled a little heart next to his name before scratching it out, too nervous about leaving it there.

I have never lied to you, and I never will. I would like to meet sometime, but only when you’re comfortable with that. Until then, we can talk here. I enjoy getting your messages too; they actually make me really happy. I feel like I have a friend in you. P.S. What’s your favorite color?

The notes between you both went on for another two weeks. Even though your communication was often brief and to the point, you still found yourself craving the disordered, misspelled words from Arthur. Nearly three weeks of knowing him, and you were convinced he was the kindest, funniest, and most selfless man in Gotham. With every new letter in the journal, you felt your control slip away, leaving behind a feeling that you haven’t experienced quite like this.

You liked him. It has only been three weeks, and you liked him.

You tried to reason to yourself that it wasn’t totally crazy to have a crush on Arthur. It’s normal to develop a crush on someone in such a short period; that’s how crushes work. You knew, however, that it wasn’t normal to crush on someone you’ve never even really met. Arthur was nothing but some words on a page right now, but you still couldn’t shake the thought that you knew him.

With each day that passed, you learned something new about him. From his favorite foods to his job at HaHa’s, you found yourself holding on to each fact as if your life depended on it. You briefly wondered if you should take a stop by HaHa’s on your way home from work, but ultimately decided against it. You wanted Arthur to be ready to meet you; you didn’t want to force him to.

After a particularly hard day at work, you sat by the mailboxes, writing furiously about your day.

I hate my job. I hate this apartment. I hate Gotham. The only thing I look forward to is writing with you, but I don’t even know you. Isn’t that pathetic?

You carried on for a whole page and a half about the shitty day you’ve had. You considered tearing it out so Arthur wouldn’t feel required to comfort you, but something kept you from doing so. Arthur has been somewhat open with you; it’s about time you do the same for him.

The next day, you halted to a stop by the mailboxes, seeing the journal laying in its usual location. But next to it, a single blue flower. You slowly made your way over, trying not to get your hopes up.

Y/N Im sorry you are feeling like this. Things in Gotham can be awful sometimes. I have felt like that my hole life. Im starting to feel diferently now that I have you. I hope you feel the same way. I got you this blue flower to cheer you up. Blue means comfort.

You felt your ears burn red, as you picked up Arthur’s gift. You knew how much courage it must have took him to leave something like that for you. The man has told you enough about him for you to picture his bouncing leg and racing heart as he sat the flower down next to his new entry.

This means more than you know, Arthur.

This time, you did leave a little doodle heart next to his name. You knew he would only find it endearing now.

I am incredibly lucky to have found you. You make living in Gotham worthwhile.

You took the flower up to your apartment, knowing that you were going to do whatever you could to keep it alive and well.

If you weren’t sure before, you were now. You really, really liked Arthur. And you kind of, sort of, hoped he liked you too.

—

The next night, you were off early from work. So, after grabbing something quick to eat, you walked back to your apartment in hopes of seeing a new message from Arthur.

When you got inside, you stopped in your tracks. A man with curly, brown locks towered over the journal. Your heart started thumping loudly in your chest as you took in, who you presumed to be, your month-long writing buddy.

“Arthur,” you said quietly, trying not to startle him. He still jumped slightly, almost toppling over from lack of balance. He gave you a confused look, seemingly trying to figure out if he knew you. “It’s Y/N.”

Suddenly, his eyes went wide, and he hurriedly concealed the journal behind his back.

“B-but, I only talk to you in my notebook. W-why are you here? You’ve never been here before,” he said, moving his hands from his chest to his waistline, a gesture you guessed was made to ground himself.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just, I got off work early. I didn’t know you would be here, I swear,” you told him. “If you want me to leave, I understand. I’ll just look at what you wrote later.”

“No.”

“No?”

He finally looked at you—all of you. His eyes roamed from your shoes, all the way to your face before his gaze rested on yours.

“You- you can’t read it. You can’t,” he mumbled.

“But… I’ve been reading everything in there,” you paused before quickly continuing. “Everything you’ve written to me. I haven’t read anything before that! I would never.”

He nods, staying silent.

“Were you going to stop talking to me?” you asked, a little hurt at the insinuation.

“No! I- I could never.”

“Then, why can’t I read what you wrote?”

He looks down at the floor, picking at a part of his sweatpants. “It’s embarrassing.”

“You know I’d never judge you, Arthur, but you don’t have to show me if you don’t want. I can leave, and we can continue writing like this never happened.”

“Okay,” he agrees, and you’re glad to see him meet your eyes once again. He drops the notebook onto the floor, and gives you a wave before taking off towards the elevator. You wait until he’s inside before reaching down and grabbing the book.

His writing, as usual, brings a small smile to your face. It makes your heart flutter that you have a face to put with the name and the messy scribbles.

I checked every word twice in order to get this right. I wanted to make sure I spelled and said everything perfictly perfectly.  I know we have known each other for a little bit but youre always on my mind. Just like you said… you make living in Gotham worthwhile. I have a queston question for you. I hope you still want to write after this. Will you go on a date with me to Pogos? It’s a comedy club. It’s okay to say no.

You bit your lip, nearly drawing blood. The smile threatening to take over your face grew the more times you read over the note. You couldn’t believe the man you just talked to wanted to go out with you. And poor Arthur, who was too embarrassed to tell you that, looked like he wanted to shrivel up.

You scrawled down a giant “yes” under Arthur’s last writing before aimlessly drawing a few hearts around the word. After running upstairs to grab a few things, you came back down to the mailboxes and threw a blanket down on the floor. You were confident that people were going to think you’re crazy, but you weren’t concerned about their opinions. You parked yourself on the blanket and decided to camp out until the next morning when Arthur would, no doubt, be returning.

When the sun did arise, so did your writing partner. You heard the elevator doors screech open, and before you could look, Arthur was standing in front of you gawking.

“Did- did you get evicted?”

You laughed slightly and shook your head. “I was waiting for you.”

“You were waiting for me,” he repeated, looking puzzled and a little nervous.

“Yes. I wanted to be here when you read my response,” you told him. Your heart raced as he carefully took the journal from your hands and looked at it. His brows furrowed, and he looked back at you in astonishment.

“Are you sure? I think you made a mistake,” he dropped the journal and put his hands firmly back onto his chest. “This is not real.”

Your heart sank a little as you took in the distressed man in front of you. “This is real, Arthur. I didn’t make a mistake. I like you.”

“No- no,” his hands went to his head, so you reached out cautiously and took them into yours.

“I like you,” you repeated. “I would love to go on a date with you.”

That seemed to break him out of his episode, and he looked down at your intertwined hands before he broke out into a smile.

“Really? Okay. I’ll write to you and tell you what time to meet me.”

You giggled, debating whether or not to tell him that you didn’t need to write any more now that you knew each other. However, you let him go with a smile on your face and kept your mouth shut. If he wanted to write to you, you’d gladly let him. You were looking forward to seeing what time your scribbly, disordered, writing partner would come up with in your journal. 

Your journal, you thought to yourself. You and Arthur’s journal. 

You liked the thought of that. Arthur will just have to get used to it. 

Turns out, Arthur didn’t have to get used to it. He already was.

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

Guess what Obey Me just dropped?

It starts with a ‘Lesson’, ends with a ‘41’ (and possibly a ‘42’)-

If you ever play it, pls answer this-

(Also, screenshots of the boys (mainly Satan's) clothes pls?)

-Lesson 35 Anon

Hey! Sorry this took longer than normal, I didn’t have my phone for a couple of days cause the its charging port? Area? Spot? I dunno - the place where you plug in the charger, was broken.

SPOILERS FOR LESSON 41 - 42

Right so lesson 41 starts off in a park (cause I’m almost 80% sure MC’s homeless, I mean they keep disappearing for months with no warning??? Is anyone paying their bills? Their rent?) where they meet Solomon. He asks them how they’re doing, they can either say good or just ask him how he’s doing.  He mentions about how he wanted to meet at this café but they were closed for remodeling (is2g this will be important later.  He asks them if they’ve been the homework he gave them that is harder than what they did at RAD but still just the basics which they will need if they want to work themself up to being able to perform summoning spells. MC says they’re dying to see everyone from the devildom and Solomon says he was worried they would be depressed cause it’s such a difference getting used to the quieter human world and that’s why he recommended the babysitting job to them. He asks whether they are ready to head to the interview and if they are nervous (why? They spent at least 2 years babysitting 7 all powerful ancient entities, this should be a breeze, akdhudsbkhs so I’m typing this out while replaying the game for the second time just to pick the options I didn’t before and Solomon just said the same thing I did about the brothers) Solomon then starts acting a little shifty, tries to tell something to MC but keeps quiet and send them off. MC pulls up at this huge ass house (Serenity Manor) which actually looks bigger than the HoL. Then ring the bell and the door is opened by Asmo and bro his clothes are cute af im dying, MC immediately shuts the door in his face without even saying a word jwdbkidjojS, they silently open the door again to see Levi, Asmo and Satan arguing. Levi’s clothes are also pretty cute, I like them better than his usual outfit, Satan’s should be burned to a crisp. Have you watched two and a half men? They show it here on repeat, and have you seen those ugly ass polo shirts Charlie wears? Satan’s shirt is a dress shirt version of those and I hate it. The cream coloured suit jacket is NOT a jacket but instead a long cream coloured coat it makes me want to throw up in my mouth. The fact that everyone else has clothes that look pretty good and that only Satan has this abomination just makes it that Satan has a horrible sense of fashion. MC immediately shuts the door again without saying a word only to come face to face with Beel and Belphie behind them who have just come back from shopping. Beel has a tattoo??? Like in his human form? He didn’t have one before? Belphie looks more or less the same, his outfit looks only slightly different from normal. They more or less drag MC inside even though MC’s brain is still breaking. All 5 of them then start arguing (about who’s late and Beel trying to eat everything in the shops etc) and it ends up freaking MC out so much they command the brothers to stay. Levi’s apparently being waiting around near the door all morning waiting for MC to turn up.

Satan complains about MC’s command being painful and MC can either apologize for it or say it’s their fault for startling them. Either way he says the surprise wasn’t his fault and it was all Asmo and Mammon’s plan. Asmo says ‘sowwy’ if he wasn’t so cute I’d be pissed. Asmo reveals that they’ll be spending their break up in the human world. Levi says they’ve never spent a long time in the human world and were hoping MC could show them around. Apparently Asmo convinced Solomon to lie to MC for them even though he didn’t want to, (when Solomon later texts MC to apologize for lying he says that Asmo asks him to do a lot of things that are troublesome but that he can’t seem to say no to him). Asmo says that even though he’s the one who initially brought up the idea it was Mammon who went all out on it. MC then asks how Mammon’s doing and Levi says “He’s good but actually not” just to be interrupted by someone asking for help from another room. MC walks into the Mammon hanging upside down cussing at Lucifer for hanging upside down from the chandelier cause ya sure he may have gambled away all their money immediately after coming here but at least he managed to save the house and how he doesn’t want ‘the human’ to see him like this. MC can either say ‘long time no see’ or ‘who the fuck are you calling ‘the human’. He freaks out either way & tells them not to listen in on his private conversations with himself. He welcomes them to the interview for the babysitting gig and they tell him he sure is big for a baby, tells them he’s the one hiring (the babies are his six idiot brothers) he tells them he needs to ask them a question to see if they are still sharp after being in the human world and asks what they would do if Lucifer hid his ‘adorable, sweet little brother’s credit card’ . they can either tell him where the card is or ask who this adorable, younger brother is. The first will make him happy the second will make him grumble about being the one asking questions. He tells them to cut him down and they’ll finish the rest of the interview. They command him to stay and cut him down, he complains about how it hurt to land on his back and if they couldn’t find another way to get him down, they tell him they missed him and that they were so happy to see him again and hug him. He blushes and grumbles about them hugging him out of nowhere, calls them a ‘big dummy’, says he feels the same way, swears, and then says he missed them, really missed them. I love the banter????? And that he somewhat constantly calls them dummy and this chapter just ends on his smiling blushing face. I also really like his outfit? That slight slip showing his shoulder? The fact that he has no sunglasses means that his blush is really noticeable???? All good.

Asmo takes MC on a tour of the house and takes them to a bathroom that’s an identical replica of his private bathroom in the devildom. He reveals that Barbatos opened portals between the devildom and this house so that they’ll be able to access certain rooms from the HoL, including their bedrooms and favourite rooms (I kinda like the HoL better cause it was colourful and had character? The Manor kinda looks like a blank white pristine slate which I guess makes sense but still). Also Asmo had asked Barbatos to make a portal to a club but he refused :/. Asmo says that barbatos and diavolo said they would visit. MC gets to ask about either Simeon and Luke (Asmo hasn’t heard from them), Diavolo (he’s seemed a little sad after MC left) and Barbatos (he’s the same as always). Asmo says that he’s missed MC a lot and asked if there’s something they should do to him. MC can either kiss him, kiss his nose or shake his hand (*SNORT*) and I’m forever bitter about the lack of a hug option if MC kisses his nose he calls them a tease and look I could not try the shake hand option because it’s hilarious given the context of the storyline (he says he’s gonna combust from frustration). Satan cockblocks Asmo (and admits to doing so) and steals MC away to show them a ridiculously large home theatre. While boasting about their high-tech theatre that could easily fit a 100 people Satan accidentally reveals that they’ve been in the human world for at least a week, MC is predictably pretty upset by that and Satan says that Asmo & Mammon were insistent about finding a perfect way to surprise MC. Realizing MC’s now going through kinda a depressed downward spiral Satan tries to offer reserving the room just for the two of them to watch whatever MC wants to, and when that doesn’t work asks them what he can do to make them feel better. They can ask him to either kiss them or meow. He blushes and complains but still does and makes them swear not to tell anyone and then tells them he got some movies he thought they’d like and asks what they are currently in to. If they say cat documentaries he’s surprised that those exist and blushes and says he needs to watch them with MC immediately only for Levi to cockblock him by saying there’s an emergency in the kitchen and he’s needed. It’s heavily implied that after Satan leaves that the emergency is greatly exaggerated. Levi then goes silent for while blushing and stutters before asking if MC wanted to go see what the outside looks like. Me, chanting under my breath: poolpoolpoolpoolpoolpool-

THERE’S A POOL JHVDHDBSJKDHJ IM SO HAPPY????? I haven’t seen a pool in so long that even a little game pool had me hyped :’)))) Levi says that Asmo insisted they have a pool and then the others started making demands too but all levi wanted was his games and henry. He also gets sweetly happy when MC asks to see Henry cause no one ever asks to see Henry. He also reveals that Henry has gotten slightly bigger (Me, side eyeing Henry 1.0: huh). Levi suggests gaming together till dinner is ready cause nothing beats the real thing despite the fact that they’ve been gaming online since MC left. Levi says he has always had when he’s with MC and how even though they aren’t currently playing yet he is enjoying himself. MC can either reply by saying they love him (which leads into a kiss) or cooing with what is a soft look on their face cause it makes levi blush and makes him ask them to stop looking at him like that. He gets cockblocked by Belphie who says Levi has a job to do and should get to it. While continuing the tour with Belphie, he asks them what they think of his outfit and whether he looks human (remember when Belphie wanted to wipe out the human race? A need he probably cultivated for thousands of years? And now he’s just cool with everything cause his heart got a boner for the random ass human he murdered?) MC hears some of the brothers arguing through a door that probably leads to the kitchen from the sound of it and belphie asks them not to listen in.  He takes them to their Devildom bedroom, says they thought about giving MC a bigger room but figured they wouldn’t like it. Belphie says that he really likes MC’s room and that even after they left he would come to nap in it though it wasn’t that peaceful cause the rest of his brothers would always be in the room too (I’m not crying!). Belphie rests his head on MC’s lap while they stroke either his hair or cheek. If they stroke his hair he says that they’ll put him to sleep but to continue. MC can either agree, pinch his cheek or tickle him. He says something about how he missed this and how it’s better than napping alone in their bed. They ask him where he went earlier with beel, he says they went out shopping and that they saw an ice cream truck and if the music playing meant that eating the ice cream made you start playing music out of your mouth and says he’d want to get ice cream with MC. MC falls asleep and wakes up to Beel carrying them. He says belphie was still asleep and he tried waking them up but it didn’t work and he notices that MC has lost weight and starts worrying about them not eating properly (I really love that it’s a continued theme that MC loses weight each time they leave? I mean without the constant parties and the big meals it makes sense plus with the continued theme that they start moping around when they are alone and that going from living with 7 others where meals are a joint and structured event to living presumably alone it makes sense that they would forget meals and ahh I just love it). Beel points out where they have lost weight by tickling them and MC retaliates after blushing and laughing and asking MC to stop, MC asks where they are going (all this happens while he’s still carrying them and he only lets them down when they get to his room and I just love that they’re both so chill and comfortable with each other) and he tells he needs to take them somewhere but first he need to get party crackers from his room. While he searches for them MC can either look under the bed (it’s full of snacks) or flop on his bed (Beel tucks them in). When Beel finally finds the crackers him and MC end up nose to nose and MC can either ask to kiss him or do that awkward ‘haha did you find what you were looking for’ thing, he’s silent then says he did, then blushes and says he spaced out for a bit and how he suddenly just realized that MC was really in front of him again and how happy he was (reminds me of when he was reunited with Belphie). Beel gets a text from Lucifer saying he has come back and asking Beel to bring MC.  

AND HOLY SHIT LUCIFER!????? Any attraction I had towards him instantly died and it’s not that he looks bad???? He just looks like a DAD/MOM. The turtleneck, the necklace, the glasses, the slacks just all of it? I can’t handle that. Also the brothers are having a reunion party in the balcony (which looks like it’s from The Bachelor which…yeah close enough). Mammon says that he’d wanted to see Mc as soon as they arrived and how awful it was that they couldn’t (whose fault was that) and that he felt like a dog whose owner was holding a treat away from him (each they’re separated and reunited Mammon comes back being more emotionally honest, man’s probably gonna propose after the third separation at this rate. Can he even be classified as a tsundere anymore? The others talk to MC about who did what to organize the party. Lucifer toasts to their reunion (and I realized that these idiots, MC included, have taken a 10 year old to a club a bunch of times). Lucifer notes how MC hasn’t been eating much and they say either they’re still in shock or that they have eaten (Lucifer gives Mc food that he made and that he’s proud of). He tells them that if they are feeling tired they can slip away, MC can either say they’ll stay here and have fun with the others – Lucifer is disappointed but understanding that MC would want to spend time with the others and Mammon ends up calling Mc over to get wasted – or MC can agree to leave with him – he ends up taking them to his room and immediately hugging them. While blushing he tells them that he missed them and had wanted to hug them the moment he saw them and had to fight himself to resist doing so in front of the others (At this point MC’s gonna return a third time to Lucifer already in a wedding dress saying his vows). MC can say they feel the same and he says that he knows and asks to kiss them or they can tease him about being sad when they were away and he just agrees. He says he’s been planning this since they asked the brothers for their favourite things but that it was hard to find a place to stay and he apologizes for the time it took and asks them to sleep in his bed for the night.

Lesson 41 ends and I still haven’t got a screenshot of mammon’s outfit cause the man was in our face for the entire lesson and refused to back away.

Lesson 42 starts with them having breakfast (on pristine white couches!??? My soul curled up and died on the spot) and praising human food. Satan complains about the sun and Levi cries about being able to watch anime right as they release now (also he has his longest anime title to date – it takes almost three speech boxes) Lucifer decides it’s time to set up ground rules and shifts for chores. Each brother suggests a game they are good at with the winner being allowed to choose the chores they wanted to do first, in the end they settle on playing rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors ends up with Levi summoning Lotan, Beel summoning some legendary rock creature and Mammon almost dying (it reminds me a lot of the rock paper scissors my brother and I would play where instead of accepting the initial loss we would keep on calling out things that could counteract what the last person chose until someone ran out of ideas). Beel and MC end going to get groceries from one of those big open air markets (I have literally no idea what you call those in English). Beel says that the previous day the food looked so good that it was really hard to not eat everything and asked MC to stop him if he tried it today – they can either cover his mouth, cover his eyes or hold his hand. In the market Beel buys 5 chickens from the butcher who recognizes them from the previous day. He asks if they are celebrating anything and Beel – sweet innocent Beel who canonically doesn’t know what a threesome is says they are celebrating their first night living together and obviously the butcher takes it as ‘oh a sweet couple living together’ and not 7 children and their impromptu babysitter/therapist/family counselor/marriage counselor. The butcher gives them (really sound tbh) relationship advice (respect each other, take interest in each other but let each other have space to do their own thing). Later Beel’s like ‘holy shit human world butchers are amazing! Not only do they give you food but they also give you advice! Do you think we do all three of those things’ and MC’s like yeh. Okay but look, MC’s gonna have to go shopping with each of the others at some point and they’re all gonna act like couples in love and then the brothers will at some point end up going shopping with each other and yeah they’re gonna argue but it’s still gonna be obvious that they love and care about each other, at some point it’s gonna be obvious that they all live with each other, the butcher already noticed that belphie and beel stood out, he’s gonna notice that the others are weird af too, he’s gonna notice the less inconspicuous names like satan and lucifer. This poor man. Beel and MC run into Mammon and Satan who have abandoned lucifer and fled the house after Solomon came looking for MC and then offered to cook lunch while waiting for MC. They go get pizza from a place where one of satan’s tv shows were filmed (he geeks out in a very levi like fashion) and tells them that they should order ‘the usual’ because that’s what they do in his show and mc says yeah that’s not how it works. Beel’s already ordered and eaten a bunch of pizza and Mammon notes that they are freaking out the waitress. Satan decides to ask how MC’s apprenticeship is going and they talk about magic and Solomon for a bit. MC wonders if Lucifer is okay (he is not. He has been increasingly spamming the group chat asking the others where the fuck they are, who the fuck left him alone with Solomon and lunch and just you fucking wait till you get home I’ll make you suffer. The rest of the group remains silent.) Satan later decides to go visit a bookshop and Beel and Mammon go to a bakery to pick up ‘a dessert that’s to die for’ from a bakery for Asmo. If MC goes with Beel and Mammon – Mammon forgets the name of the dessert but tells MC what he remembers of it and Beel who has taken ‘a dessert to die for’ way too literally. Mammon has to keep telling him that ‘yeah no that’s not what that means’ multiple times. It’s a cute interaction that I really liked. Mammon lets beel buy whatever he wants from the bakery using Asmo’s credit card so now if Mammon fails to turn up for the rest of the season we know why rip. If MC goes with Satan he geeks out about a bunch of rare books and they end up getting lost in the bookstore and can either decide to stick together and find way out or race to find away out. The four meet up in front of the house and note a sense of foreboding coming from it and only remember they left Solomon in the house when they enter and come face to face with him. He tries to get them to have tea and sandwiches with them but they all make excuses about just having lunch (Beel struggles to say the words ‘I’m full’). But lucifer turns up with a sweet smile and says how Solomon had made him lunch and how it was so delicious he had asked Solomon to make tea and sandwiches for the others. I love how these demons all just accept this horrid food and that even though they make excuses they don’t complain to solomon’s face or outright refuse to eat it cause it’ll be rude and hurt his feelings???? Beel, Mammon and Satan suffer while Solomon talks about Mc getting a sorcerer’s (they’ll get a training one and not the actual thing) so that they aren’t limited to having to do spells only with Solomon. MC of course doesn’t really hear any of this cause they’re currently dying. That’s not even a joke – they start seeing spots and stars, they can’t hear what the others are saying, their life flashes before their eyes and they pass out.

MC wakes up in their room at night (the rooms are now light and dark depending on the time of day) and walks out of the room into the demon lord’s castle where they run into lil D no. 2 (who freaks out cause he mistakes MC for ghost and I just love our little demon son so much) who calls barbatos who says they have tea with diavolo. MC can tell barbatos it’s nice to see him again or say it’ll be nice to see diavolo (Barbatos only gets happy when you pick the second option and asks MC to tell diavolo that when they see him cause he’s). Barbatos talks about how it would be nice to visit the human world and that there’s so much he wants to learn from it in regards to cooking, Mc invites him over and offers to show him around. During tea diavolo mopes about having to stay in the devildom even though it’s technically his break too and how barbatos won’t let him come to the human world until he finishes his work but how he doesn’t seem to be able to make a dent in the work even with lucifer helping him as much as he can from the devildom (Chats show diavolo crying to lucifer about his work until lucifer gives him and offers to do what he can. Barbatos calls lucifer out on coddling diavolo). Diavolo says that without the others around he’s even more distracted (which is understandable? I’m less motivated to work when ik that my friends are free and having fun). Lucifer eventually texts diavolo to tell him to stop kidnapping their human and to pls send them back my brothers are about to burn down the kitchen. Levi, Satan and Beel have being trying to figure out human appliances in the kitchen cause even though they have tech in the devildom it’s not as advanced (I really loved the cauldron aesthetic of their devildom kitchen this one’s just white walls and steel). Satan’s insistent that the ice cream maker is to heat up soup. At some point it’s revealed that Beel eats the actual pot part of a hotpot as well. During dinner Asmo asks MC to come with him the next day to visit a café that’s been remodeled called Angel’s Halo

There are 2 locked chapters, presumably one is satan and mammon escaping from Solomon, no idea what the other is.

Sorry this took so long 35, I hope you see this!  Since this is already so long I’ll make a separate post for the screenshots

[aspiring-wildfire]

MAG 166

Martin’s so unbothered and curious i love him

God the way Jon talks about killing not!sasha he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself like no!! Babe!!! You did good!!!!

Is Helen coming out of a frickin trapdoor??

Helen: I Will Cause Problems On Purpose

I love my knife wife

I feel like the eye ruling has interesting and alarming implications for the rest of the season and i am Afraid

Jon confirmed as the eye’s favorite avatar

I love how chill Martin is abt Jon being like top eldritch fear entity he’s just like “oh okay dope”

“Because I’m ashamed, Martin! Ashamed I destroyed the world and am being rewarded for it, the fact that I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever i please, the fact that I enjoyed it and the fact that there are so many others that i still want to revenge myself on!” JON BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH STOP THINKING YOU’RE EVIL AND BAD PLEASE (also does this mean Jon is the archives’ new Designated Sayer of Fuck??)

“...no,no i actually think you’re good on that front” “what?” “Yeah, i think we should go for it, get our murder on” FUCK YES MARTIN BLACKWOOD MURDEROUS BITCH OF MY HEART god they’re so perfect together and Martin is just so fucking genre savvy like he’s not abt to start feeling bad for killing monsters fuck that 100000/10, Martin i adore u

“Yes, Martin!” Helen’s so delighted omfg

“If you want to stop them and have the power to, then, they yeah, lets do it, let’s go full kill bill!” fuck it up baby

“...I- I haven’t seen it” god Jon youre such a dork i love you so much

“Oh Martin, I am so proud of you! Can I come?” Simultaneously: “no” (Jon’s exasperation here is adorable) “so that’s a strong maybe then?” Helen is peak chaotic energy she’s just vibin i love it

“Well, I’ll see you avenging angels later, don’t be strangers!” Helen you’re a delight

Did the buried just change people into worms?? I mean thats horrifying but also an odd choice

Poor Sam

“When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal?” Oof okay that hits a little close to home

Oh wait the idea of the buried just making the metaphorical crushing weight of debt and poverty and stuff literal is... really unsettling and really fucking cool

What would happen if you escaped the buried in this world and just like... tripped into the vast? Like would that scare you or would it just be lik, catharsis?

Jonny’s really coming for capitalism in this season and I for one am absolutely onboard

This has really just further complicated my thoughts on the Buried

Like I’ve always been mostly okay with it and the idea of just having weight on you sounds kind of nice (weighted blankets are literally made for this im not weird for thinking it) but like,,, this statement is very unsettling and the thought of being just crushed and stationary for so long is A Lot

Woah wait the rain in the new world is tears from the eye that is so so cool

Jonny’s worldbuilding is amazing man

Oh god this is so fucking sad and so upsetting like to work so hard to get to the surface and then just be washed back down when you’re so close

Eughh no I get why the myth of Sysiphus is so unsettling

Choosing between fear and despair is an anxiety and depression #mood

Oh god the fighting between Sam and Richard and them chewing through each other oh my god i think I’m gonna be sick

Wow Jonny really said “the poor and working class tear each other apart for the dream of an unreachable future while trapped in the horrifying inescapable system of oppression that is capitalism” and i think that’s very sexy of him

“God i hate the buried” me too Jon me too (also how much trauma did that probably just dredge up for him oh my god)

Martin just being really fucking bored while waiting for Jon is so fucfking funny omg

“Come on Jon, how long does it take to describe scary mud” BABE

The muffled screaming is awful a+ soundscaping Alex

Martin interacting somewhat normally with all the victims they come across is my favorite like he’s really just taking it all in stride

“Seriously? A spade? isn’t that like, kind of insensitive?? Given where you are???” Martin just not having it with the Web’s shit is the best thing and i love him

he’s really just not fucking playing along with Annabel huh what a bitch i love you Martin

“I want to help you, of course” “no, thank you” what a genre savvy angel

Martin really just hung up on the head avatar of the entity of manipulation and pulling strings what a fucking power move

*faint sounds of distant wailing* “i know, right?” MARTIN

Honestly ofc he talks to all these people who cant respond or even hear him he talked to the tape recorders i really shouldn’t be surprised

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Stella Benefits Voice Recording CD - Tracks 1-6 (Souji)

First post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/V7V2W0HO) or through paypal (paypal.me/KumoriYami )…. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i don’t have the audio for those….. Also check out my patreon (https://www.patreon.com/KumoriYami) for early access to my stuff and blog translations (did 5 things for this month... also cleaned up my account) or just to support me.

Ended up doing these cuz I was feeling down due to the news (it was hard not to be) and well, i wanted something that was just sweetish and these are somewhat light-hearted.... as it’s not drama translation so I’m not tagging it as one.... I’ll probably just add a new playlist later to differentiate this on my youtube channel later when I also get to doing final edits for these.... but w/e.

There are 6 tracks per guy on this CD (18 tracks with 16:44 total length)....  I’m going to translate the entire thing this month. Final edits will be done when videos are made. 

videos for this post are now here: https://kumoriyami-xiuzhen.tumblr.com/post/611705234416435200/hakuoki-ssl-stella-beneits-vocal-cd-videos-track

enjoy....

Hakuoki SSL Stella Benefits Voice Recording CD - Souji Tracks

Translation by KumoriYami

Track 1

Souji: Ah, welcome back. Today was tough/It was a hard day. I've heard everyone saying, that today you were working very hard. Since you were so good, how about I  give you a reward. Come here, I'm going to pat/stroke/touch your head. Eh? You're saying that you're too shy and that I can't pat/stroke/touch you? 

No way. Even if you say that, I won't stop. Isn't it normal/natural to praise someone for doing something good? Of course, if you do something bad, I'll be firmly scolding you then.

[the translation of 狠 means: vicious, cruel; severely, extreme... and 狠狠 can mean resolutely/firmly/ferociously/ruthlessly.... so i went with firmly since I couldn’t think of anything at the moment.]

Track 2

Areh? You look so dispirited today, did something happen/what's wrong? Did you get a low test score? Have a fight with one of your friends? Or were you mistreated by Hijikata-sensei? Although I don't know what happened, seeing you with such an expression will cause me to be anxious. So, can you tell me what happened first?

Think about it, I often say, that as long as you express your innermost thoughts, it's possible to immediately cry tears of sorrow or happiness. Regardless if it's to encourage you or to make you laugh, I can't do anything if I don't know what's going on. Therefore, tell me about the sadness you're hiding in your heart.

Track 3

Ne, you seem to quite popular?Ah ha ha, why do you look so panicked? I don't think there's anything wrong with my statement [what I said]. Because aren't you the only girl at Hakuo Gakuen? Kazama-senpai is completely delusional, you can just ignore him, but you really have made a good impression on a lot of the guys. 

Ah, why are you showing such an expression? You don't believe you're popular/Could it be that you don't think that you're popular? Eh~ what should I do to convince you? I thought that, if there was a male student who appeared before you who had a good impression of you and wanted to pursue you, you'd believe this right? For example... someone like me.

Track 4

Nn? Is it raining now? You see, there are traces of raindrops dripping off the side of your face. Aahaah~ I want to go home when it rains/it's going to be raining when we head home. If it pours, it's going to be real problem/really troublesome. Even though that's the case, there's nothing to be done about it. It's necessary to go home before it pours. Do you bring an umbrella? Me? I...... That..... I seem to forgotten to bring my umbrella. You're asking me about the umbrella behind my back? Ahah, you're imagining it. Anyway, can you let me go under your umbrella? Let's share an umbrella and go home together [later?].

Track 5

Ah, home is in sight. I feel that when I'm with you heading home, time passes by quickly. You're asking me if I'm trying to confuse you by saying this? How mean, I'm not playing around with you. I just really love you. 

Ah, while we were talking, we've seemed to arrive at your house. Well then, let’s end it here today. 

See you tomorrow. Why are you showing such an expression[/What's with that expression/Why are you looking like that]? Could it be that you feel lonely leaving my side/Do you feel lonely to be separated from me?  You're saying, "I'm not lonely"? Ah~ but I'm feeling lonely. I really want to take you home like this, you know?

Track 6

(sleeping sounds)

mm....mm? Your lap pillow is very comfortable. Not only soft but warm, it can cause people to unwittingly fall asleep. Nn? You said "please get up and wake up because you're feeling very embarrassed/shy?" Even if you say that, I'm still sleeping, and must be talking in my sleep....... So, let me sleep here a while longer......

(turns over) Haha, even though you're sighing like that, you're still letting me sleep/rest on your lap, you're so honest. I like how you're like that.

--------

i originally had the souji tracks for this cd planned for later.... bumped this up because of that saitofest (also i confess that track 12 of this cd was the reason why i started translating all of these lol.... it’s one of saito’s obviously xD).

Anyway, I don’t have a lot planned for this month since I’m stockpiling for next month and to focus on ssl game translations (my b-day’s next month so im also using that as an excuse to do music and not do much in terms of translations.... tho i intend to get more videos finished for then).

Also I’ll be posting more of my scans this month.... though I feel that I really need to say that I seriously get annoyed when i try to straighten out images since I have difficulties in determining when something is at a straight right angle... so I will almost always have space surrounding the image itself in what I upload.

[ineffablefool]

(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you. <3

[aharris00britney]

                                                                                                                                ASKS 14

Ok so 24 hours after I planned to do this but... last time I answered stuff was January(5 months ago). There is a lot under the cut ;n; sims, nonsims, other games, all kinds of stuff ya know

Anonymous said: Hi! Wcif the shirt you used on your Belle hair post? (Btw, that hair is GORGEOUS.)

I have the cc I use in my previews linked on Patreon. Makeup/skin and all that will be on my resource page once I get around to updating it for my 2 new models (who will be up for download soon hopefully). Also ty <3

Anonymous said: What make-up do you use for most of your posts?

The only eyeshadows I use are by @crypticsim or @catplnt. The makeup I use on Macie/Taylor are listed on my resource page. The other two models makeup will be added once I get them added on there but I know they both use similar stuff to Macie/Taylor.

@thatsimmergirl91​ said: Just wanted to take a moment out and say how amazing you are ! I love all your stuff and your blog. Never forget how awesome you are 💗💗💗💗🙌🏻🙌🏻

Thank you so much. Like I know I am going to be typing a lot of thank yous in this post, but I truly mean them. Playing Sims/Making cc is something I did not think would be such a big thing in my life but god is it and I love doing it. Thank you again <3

Anonymous said: You're incredible and I love all your hairs! In fact, you're my favorite cc hair creator. My question is are you planning on making any hairs with the Island Living meshes anytime soon?

Thank you! I am glad you enjoy my hairs <3 I am planning some stuff with the island living meshes. Probably just a conversion to toddlers if I am able and I might do something simple with the adult meshes to release outside of my Patreon stuff. We shall see though! Ty again

@ayoshi​ said: When are you opening an Onlyfans?

idk babe when are you posting your birthmarks? ;)

Anonymous said: Heya! Love your cc! You're real talented

thank you! <3 It isn’t so much talent, more or less just a lot of practice and time. I appreciate the compliment though

Anonymous said: any tips to get high quality sims screenshots??

I have 2 methods I use. When I am taking CC previews I rotate my screen using Ctrl + Alt + the ◄ key. For my lookbooks/upcoming Sim downloads I use a method by foursims who deactivated?? This is the method/video <3

@verdeclaroangels​ said: What skin do you use??💕PS i love u

I use @luumia​ newest vanilla default, alongside his Smooth Butts overlay, and my own fruitpunch overlay. All are linked over on my resource page <3

@vhlori​ said: Austin queen of pop!

q king of edits! <3

Anonymous said: i love your creations and i appreciate the time you put into your cc, i wish i could support you 💕

Thank you!! Sometimes the time crunches can be stressful but I put them on myself so I survive haha. Don’t feel the need to support me please <3 I make sure everything is public eventually so that people dont feel like they are missing out on anything by deciding not to pledge. Thank you for wanting to though, I appreciate that a ton.

Anonymous said: Just a rant here. I'm annoyed that there are no rings in the glove category or some other category. The reason I want this is because I use eyelashes that are in the skin detail section and rings don't work and I don't want to use the accessory eyelashes because my sim wears glasses. It annoys me but that's all.

i... rant away luv i feel u

Anonymous said: What do you do besides sims? That is all you post about and I was curious if that is all you play?

I play Roblox with @ayoshi sometimes, cause that is about all my computer can handle lmao. I have a switch so I play some Nintendo titles on there like Zelda, Splatoon 2, and other stuff. I also have been plying Fortnite recently with @imvikai @greenllamas and @pinealexple. That is about all I play right now lmao. I play Animal Crossing Pocket Camp and Pokemon Go on my phone.

Anonymous said: Hi there ! Just wanted to say I've also been experiencing that problem with your 'downloads' page. I don't have a Tumblr account so I had to tell you this way. Perhaps it's a MacBook issue ? I'm not sure, but I'm using a MacBook Pro. Anyways, thank you for all the beautiful cc you provide us with, you're the best.

Yeah I got another ask about them using a Mac for it. That seems to be the problem. I am not a coder, nor do I know a single thing about coding. All I can suggest doing is going to http://aharris00britney.tumblr.com/tagged/s4cc and using that which sucks to page through I know :( I am sorry

Anonymous said: This is really random, but I love your Sims! I normally don't like Sims with Clay hair, but GIRL, you make them work. Just want to say to keep it up, and if I had money I would support you <3

Thank you lmao <3 stan clay hairs

Anonymous said: Literally im in this sims discord nd they were DRAGGING how you make the same sim in different skin colors and how you make such cookie cutter sims and honestly i felt bad

Meanwhile me in CAS:

Anonymous said: This may be a strange request but what does that one alien toddler you've used on multiple occasions to model hair look like when he's older?

He uuh... idk where they are in my library tbh I can’t find them cause I was going to age him up and show ya but.. yeah idk what happened RIP alien toddler

@amorimlulu said: Hi! I love your creations, they're incredible! I'm completely in love with two of your sims: the asian woman from the patreon 06-16 post and the woman from the ava hair post. Could you, pretty please, upload them on the gallery? I'm dying to play with them. Thank you ^^

I am planning to in the next month! I have the photos taken I just need to get the CC list together and plan it around Island Living posts, CC posts, all that jazzzzzz

Anonymous said: Hello Austin! I really like the way your sims look, so I was wondering if you can tell me where to get the skins and lashes, please? I am new to the Sims 4 and searching for some cute looks :)

Hey! I have this stuff listed on my resource page, and I have over 100 WCIF’s I have answered along with my lookbooks for some clothes. My cc finds blog is @aharris00finds​ if you want to look there :D

Anonymous said: can i just ask? how do you remove the shadows on hair with S4S? im a complete noob at s4s and i was wondering how you would do it?

You just need to click shadow, then make blank :) pic below

Anonymous said: Hi, just a quick message to say THANK YOU for all those beautiful creations. You are so talented and I want you to know that. Thank you so much for making my sims look way more beautiful !

thank you so much <3 I have said it before and idk if anyone will be able to convince me, but I am not talented lmao it just is experience :)

Anonymous said: hey, could u pls make a tutorial abt how u make ur mesh?? i love ur hair meshes so much

I have tried filming a tutorial before and I will just have to wait til I get a good mic lmao. My speed meshing videos are somewhat useful for learning but they are sped up and without instructions so take it with a grain of salt

Anonymous said: would you ever try to recreate lydia martins hair in 3.04? sorry, but you're the only teen wolf fan thats a simblr that i know and i desperately need that lovely hair in my game. thanks!         

tbh I never finished Teen Wolf XD I stopped at the end of season 5 I think. Idk I just lost interest as I grew up :(  Also I have no idea what hair that is sdfgfvb and google isnt telling me either. If you can send a link to a picture or DM me a picture I can see if I can make it <3

Anonymous said: Hi, could you please please upload this sim post/183989453251/e41 ! She's just too pretty

Anonymous said: please upload this sim from your post/183989453251/e41 for download? Thanks   

Idk if I still have her saved but if I do I might upload her. I will check and see later tonight lmao                    

Anonymous said: Is there any way to put everything you make into a .zip file. I really like what you make and I wish there was a way to mass download it. It sounds dumb but really I enjoy your content

Tbh since I post hairs 3 times a month it would be hard for me to keep everything up to date. I might do something like all my CC from 2017 in one zip, and all my cc from 2018 in another? and then make one for 2019 at the end of the year. I’m not sure though.

Anonymous said: Wheres the hair in yo profile pic? And will you upload that sim? AND can you make more clothes ur amazing at it!!! (Also, asking 4 my bff <3 r u boy or girl?)

the hair in my current profile pic is Maddie Hair, the sim is already for download, and I will have some clothes coming next month :) I am a boy :P

Anonymous said: hello! is the model sim in your eve hair valentines special downloadable? I find her really pretty. I really enjoy all of your cc!! I love all of them soooo much.. :)

I will check if I saved her to my library, if so I will add it to the list of stuff I wanna try and do <3 also thank you

Anonymous said: Hey! Love your hairs! Can I request a Riley hair without the hairclip?

the riley hair doesn’t have a clip so I am going to assume you mean the Peyton hair since it was released in the same month. It wouldn’t really be possible to do Peyton without the clip since it has a part of the hair going up into the clip. Without it there would be a hole and if the hole was filled in it would still look weird since the hair would be going up into nothing. I’m sorry <3

@lacr1mation23​ said: Kinda not a question. But, i'm gonna fangirl all over you. You ROCK!!! I LOVE your CCs. BEST. HAIRS. EVAR.   Impressed like woah from Florida. 

thank you so much ;n; this made me smile lmao I appreciate stuff like this a ton

Anonymous said: Hey I think there's something wrong w/ your Lydia hair.. could u fix it?

I’m not sure what the glitch is, so if you could send me a photo or an explanation of what it is then I could help.

Anonymous said: I'm sorry you're having a bad day! I want to let you know your CC is lovely and I hope you have a better day tomorrow! Lots of love and if you like chocolate then I'm sending you plenty of virtual chocolate to help you feel better!

lmao idk what ‘bad day’ I was happening when this was sent but thank you!! I had a rough semester but I am doing a lot better now I think :)

@simsloverlilian​ said: Hi lol I just think this is really funny, my friend asked me where do you get your cc? and I was like: "oh.. ahoob's WCIF place xDDDDDD" and we both died laughing.. at your place you can get amazing hairs, accs, shirts! (lol love your cc keep it up! ;))

thank you so much! I love that yall use my blog for finding cc :)

@raha-plays-the-sims​ said: Okay... I actually want to take a screenshot of my Sim with your new Riley hair on to my hair dresser and tell her to cut my hair that way XD I love it so much! Thank you for continuing to make amazing content!

lmao i have wanted to do this before with a male hair i found for my game. I never went through with it though XD thank you for the compliment <3

Anonymous said: Everyone!!! Stan LOONA for clear skin and good health...

stan red velvet and WJSN

Anonymous said: I just want to say that "EVERYTHING" about your blog/cc/sims is absolutely immaculate. Your CC is like renaissance to Sims 4 modding(I ain't even kidding).Thank you for sharing/uploading them here on tumblr.  Would you be uploading any video on how you create your sims on youtube anytime soon? And what sliders do you usually use in creating sims if there are some?

thank you so much!!! I have tried recording my game before and the footage just comes out super lag. Hopefully later this year I will be able to get a computer and I could record something then. Also I don’t use any sliders or presets on my main Sims :)

@lllac-lady786​ said: This isn’t a question, but your sims are just so pretty and you are so talented 🤩

thank you <3

Anonymous said: Did something happen to your Lydia hair?

I don’t think so? It seems to be fine for me

Anonymous said: How are you able to edit the new game pack when sims4studio hasn't been updated yet? I am itching to edit some stuff but I can't yet :(

I use CAS Tools! I might make a tutorial this week depending on how busy I am. Not sure though <3

Anonymous said: How likely would you be to recommend the new pack to another simmer out of 10?

(this was sent during Strangerville) I would say 8/10 recommendation. But I love storylines and stuff in games so my opinion is very based on that.

Anonymous said: Would you ever make male hair or recolour some of ea's so they work with your ombre accessory?

I am thinking of doing some ombre accessories for the new Island Living pack for the two ombre hairs. I am not sure if I will be able to or not but I will see :)

@milugameplay​ said: Hello sweetheart, I just like to say that I love the hairs that you create. Thank you for sharing them with us.            

thank you <3 i appreciate the compliment

Anonymous said:Hi! When you uploaded peach earrings, the blonde sim had a braided hairstyle. Was it cc or a maxis one?     

hey! It is from outdoor retreat GP :)     

Anonymous said: Have nothing to ask. Just want to tell you that you are amazingly talented. ❤ I have been playing the sims since its original Sims 1 release, and have always been a heavy CC user. (Upwards of 50GB in sims 3). Never have I ever felt the need to download EVERYTHING a creator has ever made, until I found you.  So, in short, you are amazeballs. Keep it up.

this is so sweet lmao. Even I don’t have all my own CC in my game <3 I appreciate this so so much. Thank you for this

Anonymous said: How did you learn to create custom content??Did you see any video tutorial? I'm trying to create a hair but I can not get it :(((( help me please

most of the stuff I have learned from trial and error, or help from S4S fourms and friends :) Feel free to message me with questions on tumblr or discord

Anonymous said: I know Sims 5 is still so far away, but I still have a question! With the release of Sims 4 so many awesome creators for Sims 3 just stopped creating from one day to another. So my question is: Could you imagine yourself creating Custom Content for Sims 5? I'm asking because I seriously love every single piece you create for Sims 4, and I really wish the glory era of Ah00b won't end with the release of Sims 5. Ily! <3

it depends on the style that TS5 goes for tbh. I love Sims 4 style and I don’t know much of anything about creating alpha hairs so if TS5 goes that direction I doubt I would be able to create for it. also thank you for calling it the glory era of ah00b lmao

Anonymous said: You have hairs named after all the girls in black pink except Rosé. Is there a reason for this?

Well I named a hair Rosanne thinking it was close enough to her name lmao. I might name a hair coming in July Rosie. We shall see when it gets to July XD

[peanutbutteriscreamy]

You Can!

———

A/N: i didn’t really edit this also no prologue have fun

warnings: cancer (specifically chronic lymphocytic leukemia)

summary: it always gets worse, but can it get better for a change?~

a fic where Dan has an illness that he had hoped no one found out about, until it acted up in gym. then starts the school fundraiser for his treatments that he refuses to take, and a cute boy by the name of Phil convincing him to continue on.

——-

It’s bright. Not as bright as the blue and white walls of the hospital rooms, but bright enough. And he hates it. Maybe it’ll be fun, said the nurses and his doctors, maybe you’ll meet new people, said his parents. But he just hates it because the beige, bright walls and lights hurt his eyes.

He’s walking, too. Dan hasn’t done that in a while. And he feels small, like a bud amongst tall, smelly kids.

Dan doesn’t even realize he’s hit something until his fragile body crumbles to the ground, wincing as all his weight falls onto his foot. His eyes open after a second, not even registering the person in front of him.

He’s scared. Dan’s eyes travel the halls for a few seconds, panic settles, and suddenly he can’t breathe. Like, his lungs stop all function and he can’t breathe. No one’s even paying attention, but he feels as if all eyes are on him.

Soon enough strong hands grab his shoulders and shake him, and he flinches. That’s when Dan finally looks.

Hot, is the first word that pops into his idiot brain the second he sees the cute boy shaking him.

“Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong? Come on, breath with me. In, out.” The boy says, a concerned look on his face. Dan’s just nodding, not even listening. But after a long few seconds he scrambles for his bag, gasping for air as he grabs one of his several inhalers and takes a couple puffs.

The boy watches, slightly stunned at Dan’s sudden movement. When Dan finally starts to breathe somewhat normally, he says, like an intelligent person, “Hi.”

Dan wants to hit himself.

Instead the boy just laughs, lifts Dan, and replies, “Hey. Im Phil.”

“Phil- I mean hi- I mean, fuck, Dan. I’m Dan. Yep, that’s me.”

He wants to cry.

“So uh-“

“Do you-“

“Sorry what?”

“Need help with that?”

They stumble over sentences, both of their faces a bright shade of red. Dan stares, coughs a bit, then Phil laughs.

The boy throws his head back, his eyes crinkle at the corners, and he gives a slightly crooked smile as he laughs.

And all Dan does is flinch. And he feels terrible for it. Because the moment he does, Phil’s eyes go wide and he suddenly stops laughing at their situation.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? Here I’ll just-“

“No it’s fine you don’t have to-“, Dan’s cut short as they both lean down to grab Dan’s bag and their heads bump. It hurts, and he flinches again. All Phil does is rapidly apologize and offer to get him some ice from the nurse as he fumbles with Dan’s bag.

His stomach starts to feel funny with Phil, in a way. Seeing his awkward and sorry state makes Dan giggle, then it turns into a light laugh. That gets Phil’s attention, and after a second a smile spreads on his face and his cheeks turn a shade of pink again.

Dan takes his bag, slides it onto his shoulders, slaps his hand on Phil’s arm and squeezes it lightly.

“I like you. You seem like a good friend.” Dan says meekly, “Was that a bit bold? I’m sorry. I’m not good at this.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m not very good at it either. But yeah, you wanna have lunch together?” Phil says, and Dan laughs at the clearly intended boldness.

“Sure! I’ll find you there.”

“Nah, I’m walking you to class. Then we can say our goodbyes.”

“Oh it’s ok, I can find it, really-“

“Come on. I insist.”

“Ah, I suppose then.”

They walk for a bit, mostly in a slightly awkward silence, but a few corners from his class they start talking.

“Hey, won’t you be late to your class?”

“I’m late to them anyway. Always gotta run around this bloody place.”

Dan chuckles at that. They round the last turn to his class and he looks down at his feet as he walks, a smile and a blush on his face. He’s holding his breath a bit, having not used his machine for a while.

Phil says a small see you later, and for some reason Dan decides to give him an awkward side hug before he walks into the classroom.

He isn’t late, people don’t stare at him, but a few give him weird looks when he flings himself into a desk and the chair screeches on the dirty floors. Everyone looks away after a quick glance, going back to reading or talking or playing on their phones, whatever normal kids do before class, Dan thinks.

And he hasn’t breathed in a while. He’s sure his face might be red from the lack of oxygen, and he’s damn sure that he might pass out if he doesn’t do it quickly.

Dan stares at his bag and thinks about what’s in it. For one thing, people could find out. And he really doesn’t want that. Now others would think that if you had such a condition as Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, you’d like others to know so that they aren’t rough or anything, and they know not to be offensive.

But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want to be the sick kid. The cancer kid. He doesn’t want to be known for that.

Yet he’s doing it. Of course Dan checked first, to make sure no one was looking. He unzipped his back pack, quickly got the flow going, then pulled his hoodie over his head and leaned down. Dan put the nasal cannula on, then waited a few seconds before breathing in. He let out a sigh of relief, smiling slightly as he concentrated on controlling his breathing rhythm.

“What’re you doing down their, drugs mate?”

He jumped, dropping his bag and scrambling to throw the tubes into the pocket, turning off the machine before zipping it quickly. Dan looked up, embarrassed and slightly scared. The girl standing over him stared at him for a second before her face softened and it looked like she felt bad.

“Oh my god, are you...?”

“No! No, no, I am not doing drugs I swear!” Dan whisper shouted as the girl sat down in the desk next to him.

“I know! Calm down. Did you have a breathing machine in there?”, The curly haired girl whispered back.

“I- what? No! Definitely not a ‘breathing machine’. Or anything that helps me breathe. Asthma! I have inhalers, that’s what you saw.” He rambled, watching as her features grew more concerned. She quickly shook it off though, and smiled as if they didn’t just have that conversation.

“I’m sorry, let’s restart. Hey! I’m Carrie. You must be new here, how’s it been?”

Dan was still, his head tilted as he stared at her. He held his hand out after a bit, grinning.

“Daniel, Dan for short. And it’s been ok so far. Only been here since yesterday though.”

Carrie shook his hand then put a strand of curly blond hair behind her ear, showing her teeth.

“Well why don’t you sit with me at lunch today?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry, I’m sitting with Phil. I don’t know if you know him.”

Her face feel, but she redeemed herself quickly. Dan’s smile faltered slightly, and immediately questions ran through his mind like a film roll. But he’d just met her, he wasn’t gonna screw this up.

“So, Carrie. How long have you been at this school?”

She seems relieved by his change in topic, and her smile blooms back.

“A couple years. Like, six? A while actually.”

“Oh wow. That’s a long time.” It’s Dan’s turn to falter, his mind turning to think about the hospital, and how long he’s spent in there.

Carrie definitely notices, but she doesn’t question him about it, and he’s grateful.

“Let me get you caught up on this class.” She nudges his shoulder, slightly rougher than he minds, but he doesn’t care. Dan rubs his shoulder and grins at her,

“Sounds like a plan. Start talking.”

——————

They talk about Shakespeare for a while, and the day goes by fast after that. Lunch feels speedy, and Phil acts all too kind for a normal human being. Gym hurts, as expected. And he’s been told to join the band, as he was playing piano and messing with the drums when he was caught on his free period. Needless to say, Dan’s questioning his sanity by the time he’s gone to wait for his mum to pick him up.

He picks up one of his many sanitizer bottles from his back pack and squeezes a glob onto his hand. He’s just about to start rubbing it on his arms and hands when he feels a hand on his neck, and he turns so throw the glob at whoever it was.

Turns out to be Phil, and he had thrown hand sanitizer all over his glasses and mouth.

“Whoops.” Dan mumbles, then Phil grimaces as he opens his mouth to speak, instead the stinging taste of the sanitizer gets in his mouth.

Dan laughs, and he doesn’t even apologize. He thought it was funny, and after Phil was done digging all the sanitizer out of his mouth with the end of his shirt, he laughs as well. They look like maniacs, laughing hysterically and leaning on each other.

It’s mostly Dan, but Phil’s in on it too.

Phil looks disappointed when Dan’s mum shows up, cutting Phil off again and honking her horn at Dan.

Dan laughs again, and without any words he pulls the straps of his bag over his shoulders and hugs Phil around the neck before waving and walks away to his mum in a blur.

Phil’s genuinely confused, but he’s happy when Dan’s gone and he still has the feeling of his arms around his neck.

————

When Dan gets home he’s still smiling, even after his mum pestering him and asking how his day went the whole way home. His father is calling him when Dan walks into the living room, and Dan’s little brother is trying to wipe the smile off his face with innocent insults and hard pats on the back.

He only succeeds in making Dan cough and his mother angry, and his smile is wider as Dan laughs at Adrian get yelled at.

As Adrian gets in trouble and his father watches his sports, Dan skips up the stairs and tosses his bag next to his door when he enters his room. He closes the door and jumps on his bed. Dan grins at the ceiling for a bit before eating a few crackers from his night stand, probably a few weeks old.

He drinks a bit of water from the night before and strips, laying on his bed with just his underwear. Dan’s giddy, but he’s damn tired. He turns to plug his phone in for the night, but then his eyes land on his night machine and his breath hitches. Dan coughs, loudly, and for a second he forgets how to breath.

He’s never really been good at it anyway.

He finally gets up to turn off the lights, then he sits on the edge of his bed and stares at his machine. Dan picks up the tubes and places them behind his ears, putting the cannula in his nostrils. He flips the switch and oxygen fills his lungs with a relieving and fulfilling feeling, but he doesn’t let it last. Dan takes them out about as quickly as he had put them in, turning it off and flinging himself under his duvet.

And Dan is aware that sleeping without it in is a bad idea, and it’s hard to. But so was stopping his treatments, and so was his parents actually letting him. It was what he wanted though. He just wanted to be independent, live for a bit without control. Or maybe he wanted to have control.

Dan doesn’t really know.

So he turns around, closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe. Soon after his mouth falls open slightly, his body relaxing and his mind shifting off to sleep.

[kingdomofkitten]

The Wedding Part 5: The Conflict

Ryuu: *in rage mode, being held back by Riko and Hiroko* LET ME GO, DAMMIT, LET ME GO!

Riko: NO! Agh, where are they?!

Hiroko: Tsunoda said they are on their way! But man, they better hurry-WHOA! *the two girls are suddenly launched in the air, and land flat on the floor!* ….ow.

Ryuu: GAAAAAAGH! *runs off, to wreck more stuff*

Hiroko: This is not good…*sees the engaged couple, the parents, Ikari, and Fenneko running in, with Tsunoda* Retsuko! Bro! Um...yeah, this PROBABLY doesn’t look great.

Retsuko: What happened here?!

Riko: I-I don’t know! He was fine one second, and then he just snapped!

Tsunoda: He’s ruining everything!

Retsuko: Come on! If we can catch him, we can probably cool him down! *Riko points to the direction of her brother, and Retsuko follows after him* Ryuu!

Ryuu: *overseeing the chapel, before turning his head towards Retsuko, growling* WHAT?!

Retsuko: H-hey! It’s okay! What’s the matter?

Ryuu: YOU, THAT’S WHAT!

Retsuko: Wha-calm down! Why are you acti-*sees Ikari crawling towards him* H-honey, no!

Ikari: Bwabwa? *looking at Ryuu*

Ryuu: ….GET HIM AWAY.

Retsuko: Ikari, get back! C’mon!

Ikari: Eyeh? *reaching towards Ryuu*

Ryuu: FUCK OFF! *SLAPS Ikari!*

Retsuko: *GASP!*

Ikari: ....*sniff*...*whimpers*....waaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! *starts crying loudly*

Retsuko: …*looks at Ryuu* You. Are. DEAD! *goes into her rage, and pounces at Ryuu, knocking over several tables!*

Ryuu: AGH! DAMN YOU! *throws Retsuko through a door outside!* URGH… *follows her*

Retsuko: *coughs* WHY YOU-! *the two grab each other by the wrists, as she begins swinging him around*

Both Retsuko and Ryuu: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! *the two violently pull on each other, until she lets go, and sends Ryuu flying and crashing into the wedding cake, falling to the ground!*

Retsuko: *pants*.....*turns back to normal, but still very angry*

Tsunoda: *running out, with everyone following suit* *GASP!* *runs towards Retsuko* Retsy, what did you do?! Why is the cake ruined?! At this rate, your wedding will just be a disaster! Heck, it already is!

Retsuko: I don’t care. *storms her way towards her cake-smothered brother, and yanks him up* You done? >:(

Ryuu: ...I think so. *shoves her off, and begins walking away*

Retsuko: Wha-what is wrong with you?! *trying to follow him, with Ryota following suit*

Ryuu: *while walking* Like I said, you! I didn’t want to be a part of this, all because of you!

Retsuko: Well, if you could explain why, maybe I could understand!

Ryuu: What the hell could I say that could possibly make ANY of you understand?! You even got dad on this whole joke! DAD! I expected better of him!

Ryota: EXCUSE ME?! Expected better?!

Ryuu: Yeah! Instead you’re on HER side! You both make me sick!

Retsuko: Well, you know what, you can just be off the wedding! You don’t want to be in it? FINE!

Ryuu: *stops, and turns around* Oh, yeah? Wonderful. *gets up close to Retsuko* I’d hate to see the wedding of a monster like YOU.

Retsuko: ….w-what?

Ryuu: You heard me, MURDERER. I HATE YOU! *storms off*

Retsuko: …..w…..I…..*tears begin to swell up*

Ryota: R-Retsuko, it’s okay! He’s just being a brat, we’ll get over i-

Retsuko: That’s not it, dad! I...that’s my brother! My own little brother said he hated me! That I’m a murderer! Which I am! I….*runs back*

Ryota: Retsuko!

Retsuko: *runs into Haida, and buries her face in his suit, crying*

Ikari: *in his father’s arms, rubbing his own cheek* ...mama?

*later that night…*

Fenneko: *checking her phone* ...this is NOT good.

Tsunoda: Uh, understatement of the century much?! That brute messed up a bunch of the decorations! At this rate, their wedding will be an absolute trainwreck!

Fenneko: No, actually, at this rate, there won’t even BE a wedding.

Tsunoda: Yeah, exa-....what do you mean?

Fenneko: Take a look. *hands Tsunoda her phone revealing texts from Haida*

Text #1: Fenneko please help

Text #2: without Ryuu Retsukos going insane

Text #3: she doesn’t want the wedding if everyone isn’t there

Text #4: I think shes gonna call the whole thing off

Text #5: Im trying my best but she wont budge

Text #6: Please Help I’m getting desperate…….

Tsunoda: …..oh, no.

Fenneko: I called up Retsuko. Apparently that whole fight left her somewhat jaded about the event. If we somehow got Ryuu to change his mind, that may get this thing back on track.

Tsunoda: Well, we don’t even know where he is!

Fenneko: We do. I got word he was staying with some friends in town.

Tsunoda: ….he has friends?

Fenneko: Shocking, I know. But he probably wouldn’t respond to Retsuko.

Tsunoda: ...Haida, maybe?

Fenneko: ...well, he probably doesn’t have as much resentment towards him. I reckon he would just be more annoyed with him than anything. Which, granted, is a natural reaction towards being around Haida. :3

Tsunoda: Mhmhm! ...you know, when I was younger, my father used to take people he got into fights with out to fish. His philosophy was that fishing was so relaxing, tensions can be relieved by the end of the fishing trip.

Fenneko: ...huh. That...might actually work. Get the two dweebs on a boat, there’s a body of water that we can use, get them to relax, maybe chat about this, it’s a win-win! We get a mic on them, we can get info to Retsuko, and she might not be so down! Hot damn, Tsunoda, that’s some smart thinking of ya!

Tsunoda: O-oh! Thank you! You have his address, right? I doubt he’ll be willing to do this.

Fenneko: Oh, I have it. I’ll convince his friends to get him while he’s sleeping. You let Haida know about the plan, and we’ll get this plan going.

Tsunoda: Got it~! *pecks Fenneko on the cheek, and runs off….causing the fennec fox to blush a little*

I take too long on these things, I swear...but um, yeah! Part 5 is done, finally. Part 6 PROBABLY shouldn’t take as long as this, or any of the previous parts. I’ll try to crank that out soon. I gotta babysit this coming Monday, and Tuesday, so I might try to work on it throughout tomorrow (at the time I’m writing this), and the days afterward. Again, this is just going by time judging. I cannot confirm anything. I CAN confirm that Part 7 is already done.....yeah, don’t ask. Until next time!

[jothriku]

alex it's me. hc anon. and im back for more. your last batch was!!! so good!!! but this time... im wondering if you have an hcs for xion or roxas 0:

thank you!!! :’)

i’m gonna talk about the dark apprentice au again if no one minds...

so!!! before riku leaves to get sora back from wherever it is he’s gone to in exchange for saving kairi, he pulls roxas, xion, and ven aside to talk to them. he tells them that he’s not sure where he’s going to end up, but he knows he will find sora no matter what. but he might need some help, and he can think of no one better to help him than the three people who found refuge in sora’s heart. basically, riku needs the three of them to help guide his heart back to sora’s... he needs them to keep the both of them in their thoughts and hopes every day, to keep the link between them and sora strong and alive.

(riku briefly considers asking kairi to help him with this too, but he also feels guilty for putting this on her shoulders after what she went thru & after losing sora again, so. he refrains.. as he usually does, when it comes to ppl he cares so much about...)

before he leaves tho, roxas and xion offer to go with him, but. riku says it’s something he needs to do alone (his main argument being he’s not sure how dangerous it’s going to be, and he’s unwilling to put anyone else in danger. but... both rox and xion know it’s bc this is a personal task that riku feels he must accomplish alone). he tells them to stay and rest and rebuild their lives again, and to enjoy their newfound freedom and family.

and with that, riku leaves. and the three of them- xion, roxas, & ven- they feel both sora & riku’s absences the heaviest, besides kairi. and so bc of that, once they settle back in at twilight town, xion and roxas make sure to visit the land of departure with lea a lot, looking for a chance to check up on kairi as much as they can. naminé tags along often too!!

one day, xion hears kairi talking to aqua about starting an apprenticeship with the master, and xion is immediately curious. she tries to convince roxas to try and ask aqua for an apprenticeship too, but... roxas feels conflicted about it.

i mean, sure he’s a keyblade wielder and a guardian of the light, but why does he need to become a master?? all rox wants to really do is have a somewhat normal life with his friends and family in twilight town, and wait for riku to bring sora back.

it lowkey becomes a point of contention b/w them bc xion feels like roxas would be a worthy master, but also doesn’t wanna push him to do something he truly doesn’t wanna do and... roxas may not wanna be a keyblade master, but he doesn’t want to grow distant from xion, who will start spending her time learning from her master now.

three months before sora & riku return, roxas and xion (and ven) are still keeping their hearts’ connections to sora and riku open and strong. but xion and lea have both gotten an apprenticeship with master aqua, alongside kairi. and roxas. well. he can’t be too upset for them, bc he mostly just feels proud and happy that they’re doing the things they really want in life.

when riku comes back with sora, roxas immediately visits the land of departure to see them, and spends a week there to be with sora again. in that week, he sees how hard lea and xion are training with aqua and how much they’ve grown and... he has thoughts. in the middle of the week, he hears that riku himself has taken on his own apprentice and it piques roxas’ interest. sure, riku is a master, but he never took him for the kind of person who’d take on a student, especially so soon after returning from a possibly life-changing event??

when roxas returns to twilight town, he can’t stop thinking about how strong lea and xion looked and how happy sora was that riku would have a student of his own!! his conflicted feelings have come back :3c