#WAR IS OVER LMFAO I WROTE SOMETHING AGAIN

[greg-montgomery]

hi hi!! can i maybe request a rly cute and fluffy one shot of aaron just comforting and taking care of the reader 🥹

like maybe there was a thunderstorm in the middle of the night and reader subconsciously just runs to hotch’s room and he comforts her udhaidbsjanxb

also maybe a cute lil age gap to feed my daddy issues pls pls pls

ANYWAYS ILYSM NEVER STOP WRITING, I LIVE FOR UR STORIES BB

hiiii!!! <3333 thank you for the cute request and your sweet words!!!!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Nothing would ever beat sleeping in your own bed. Nothing could beat the comfort that the fresh scent of your sheets brought you, or the little light you always left on the entire night since you were a child.

Being away for a case meant you had to learn to sleep without those comforts. And you were really good at it; but the thing you could not get yourself to adjust to, were the unfamiliar sounds of a new place. Sometimes it was the sound of a passing car, and others some annoyingly loud neighbor.

That night it was the sound of a thunderstorm. And the hotel you and the team were staying at was definitely not soundproof enough to let you sleep in peace.  

You had been tossing and turning for more than an hour, unable to calm your heart down. It wasn’t just the thunders that scared you; the rain was pouring like crazy and the wind was almost whistling. Suddenly you felt like a little kid again, afraid that the walls weren’t thick enough to protect you from the strength of that storm.

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and gave trying to fall asleep one last shot. But at the sound of another thunder, the face of a certain man appeared on your mind.

Hotch.

The truth was when you thought of “safe”, you thought of him: your boss who always had all the answers. Maybe it was his older age or his intimidating appearance but he made you feel like no matter what the problem was, he would fix it. Hotch always made it better.

Without thinking about it twice, you got out of bed and ran to his room. Well, you didn’t have to run much anyway, since his room was right across from yours. He’s definitely awake, you thought; always staying up most of the night to work on the case while everyone else rested.

That was why you were surprised to see Hotch wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants answering his knocking door. But the thing that made you the biggest impression was his disheveled appearance. Sleepy Hotch was the cutest thing you had ever laid eyes on.

“Y/N? Is everything alright?”

“Hotch,” you whispered, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you’d be asleep. I’m gonna go back to my room.”

You made a move to turn around but Aaron was faster and grabbed your elbow, gently pulling you into his room.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he said closing the door once you were both inside.

“I was scared,” you admitted. Seeing him raising his eyebrow in question you continued. “Of the storm...”

You were relieved to see a little smirk on his face. You guessed he was relieved too after finding out that the thing that scared you wasn’t something actually dangerous.

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I don’t know why I’m here.”

“It’s okay.” As tough as Hotch looked, he was the most gentle man you had ever got to know. “You can always come to me about anything.”

And you had the audacity to wonder why he was your safe place?

“I know.”

He sat on the edge of his bed and patted at the spot right next to him, signaling you to take a seat; so you did. You were close enough that you could smell his after shave. It made you dizzy.

“Have you slept at all?” he asked.

 “No. And I’m tired.” You let out a heavy sigh. “Maybe I should just pull an all nighter.”

“Nonsense.”

“But-”

“What if you sleep in my room? Will you still be scared if I’m right here?”

Your stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies.

“Wouldn’t that be inappropriate?” you asked.

“I won’t tell if you don’t” he said, and offered you his pinky finger to cross yours with.

You did it with a huge grin. "Deal."

“Come on now,” he said playfully while getting under the covers. Without any hesitation, you did the same, finding your place at the other side of his bed.

It was almost perfect; almost, because his arms weren’t around you, but instead were resting on his stomach.

“Hotch?”

“Hm?”

“Does the offer come with cuddles too?”

“You wanna cuddle with your boss, honey?” he smirked, and reached out his arm so you could curl up in his embrace.

“Yes, please,” you said, and the two of you ended up in each other’s arms. Being around Aaron had always felt safe, but being in his arms? That was a whole new level of safety and comfort.

“Good night, Hotch.”

And just like that the sound of his beating heart made it hard to focus on the rain hitting on his window.

His lips on your forehead and the words “Good night, sweetheart,” were the things that finally lulled you to sleep.

[spookfished]

big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!

[reincarnation2327]

I need to defeat God like I did the devil - 👿!!

The emoji is always just a “little bit” - GPF - of an anomaly!

The pen is mightier [Max Maher] than God or the son of the most high!

Celebrities will be HB 10000’s of times better!!

God, Thai food is the only food that is available for me! God this is warped and WW3! A psychiatrist who has been working on psychological warfarin and conflict! 🧠 - me and against all creator with all creation!

God goes down in the 5th [dimension] - element! Rain ☔️! More rain than there is ocean 🌊! I will explain and send it over tomorrow!

I will have to explore that more when we are together! Space aliens - 👽!! More chaos than there is ocean 🌊!! Duplicate and triplicated!!

I like showers - 🚿! “Showers are nice” - MB!

Muse said that while the government is committed in helping people with disabilities it is also working on improving access to education [warfare] … this is random chance [ORJ]; more people than destiny [Buxton, military commander Buxton] … X

This is war God! Freudian conflict and terror like Frances’s Revolution of the mind palaces!

Wrote to you yesterday! And again! These times there are changing - Bob Dylan!

Boards of Canada - 🍁! The Campfire Headphase and all there music and albums! Geo, something! And Children and Harvest!!

Thomas Yorke, the Saints are marching home or something! I’ll leave it!

I give that blog post, this, lmfao, 4/5! The best review of all time - 🕰️!!

[queermarzipan]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I GET ANOTHER ASMI DOCTOR WHO POST LIFE IS JUST GIVING ME EVERYTHING TODAY

Yes. The Face of Boe. Moving on

I have no idea what you're saying here you definitely got some people mixed up lmao. The "OG Doctor" would be?? The first Doctor?? I think?? Also WILF <333

Michael Sheen playing House is something I will never get over I was TERRIFIED of that planet

Neil Gaiman wrote TWO episodes which is honestly so slay of him & I need to know what the other one is immediately

DAVID TENNANT <3

The Doctor is a Time Lord. Not all Time Lords are the Doctor. However all Time Lords are genetically modified according to the Doctor's DNA. So maybe all Time Lords are the Doctor idk

Correct we love the queer rep

Andrew Garfield is NOT A DENTIST he is HOMELESS AND JOBLESS because it is THE GREAT DEPRESSION I told you this Asmi. He does however get flirted with by David Tennant. Lol

Regeneration yes. DAVID TENNANT <3

The Fifteenth Doctor gets to have a life with. Not less trauma but processed trauma. Because the Fourteenth Doctor takes the time to heal WHICH YES MEANS THAT WE GET A HAPPY ENDING FOR DAVID TENNANT AND WE'RE ALL CRAZY ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE DOCTOR IS ALWAYS STUCK LIVING A FUCKING TRAGEDY BUT ESPECIALLY FUCKING TEN---

The TARDIS is indeed blue. The TARDIS that is a tree is not the TARDIS it is a different TARDIS. Because the TARDIS likes being a Police Public Call Box. The Doctor likes it too or they would DEFINITELY have fixed it at some point lol

DOOWEEEDOOOOOOO. EEWEEDOOOO. NANANAA BAA BA BAAAA. NAANEENAAAAAA BENAAAA BENAAAAA. DOOWEEAAAAAAAAAAAA

DAVID TENNANT <3

Yes he is and yes we do

I tried to search this up and got fucking Sontarans which is the funniest thing ever but carry on

The space rhinos are called Judoon. They do indeed turn you into something as punishment for your crimes; dust.

PLEASE stop saying that about them it it not any less pleasant to imagine the fourth or fifth time they are PEOPLE WEARING COSTUMES OKAY

Sontaran XD. There's a lot more than one of them. Also they are EXPERTS on war. So yknow. DON'T FIRE A MISSILE AT THEM. THAT WILL START A WAR. AND YOU WILL LOSE. Stares at the head of UNIT aggressively

Yesss 'the Meep's chosen pronoun is the definite article the Meep is always "the Meep"'—the Meep 'oh I do that'—the Doctor

Is there. I didn't know that

YES WE LOVE THE SHITTY EFFECTS. SHITTY EFFECTS FTW. LOVE SHITTY EFFECTS

Yes fucking finally. Never been fucking wheelchair accessible before

Asmi. Asmi that was the 10th Doctor. That is all correct except it happened with the 10th Doctor not the 9th Doctor. Lmfao

Yes but only three fucking times that we actually get to see. And only ONE of those times was she not posessed. So. :(. (We DO get to see the Tenth Doctor doing a Befuddled Face of Awe as she walks away the second time. That image lives in my dreams. Or WOULD if I HAD ANY *glares at brain*

XD I sincerely think that you actually do know more about this show than Catherine Tate lmfao which is AWESOME and HILARIOUS btw

The only true Doctor Who is Missy.

Pretty much.

DAVID TENNANT <3

Thank you.

Not telling you about the Daleks you'll just have to watch the episode titled 'Dalek' :/ no can do mafraid

@ranboo20038 HE DID IT AGAIN

pt IV doctor who but i've never watched it but i know loads about it for sure

It's half past 4 am and I definitely remember everything that you maggots yelled at me about this show I definitely do

There is a slutty head preserved in a jar that had many babies

There is a Doctor who was an OG doctor and his name was Wren or something no WILF RIGHT YES SOMEONE SAID THE DILF THE MILF AND THE HOLY WILF

Michael Sheen is a sexy planet with a mouth

Neil Gaiman wrote some episodes and it was very cool I think he made Michael Sheen the sexy planet

David Tennant I know you all love David Tennant well FUCKING HERE THEN TUMBLR DAVID TENNANT

There are time lords and they are the doctor and everyone was very cross when I asked that because apparently y'all periodically forget you follow me because im dumb

It's like gay or something at some point

Andrew Garfield is a dentist who gets flirted with like you too babygirl or whatever the 10th doctor says

Oh yeah the doctors are the doctor but there are 14 of them and they all go poof and then boom new actor except for 14 where david tennant re-emerges YEAH TUMBLR HEAR THAT I SAID DAVID TENNANT

oh and THEN the fifteenth doctor arrives but he fucking girlbosses a bigeneration and so escapes trauma or something and you all get to keep david tennant YEAH I SAID HIS NAME IF THIS HELLSITE HAD AN ALGORITHM THIS POST WOULD BE TRENDING SO QUICK ISTG

Oh the TARDIS is blue and not fucking yellow sometimes my brain gaslights me and also it can be anything it is a tree but it is a police box because it wants to be due to a glitch that the doctor hasnt fixed coz hes too busy hanging out with donna or being gay or being trans which as I know from experience are both full-time occupations

Theres like an intro or something it goes DOOWEEDOOOO and when i mentioned it people started singing it in the reblogs so like nostaglia hit ig

DAAAAAAAAAAVID TENNANT YOU HERE ME TUMBLR COME AND GET YOUR DAVID TENNANT HE FOUND HIS WIFE HERE YES HE DID HIS FATHER-IN-LAW WAS A DOCTOR YES HE WAS HIS DAUGHTER WAS THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER BUT THEN DAVID'S WIFE SO IDK GO SLAY GEORGIA

10th doctor is kinda bitchboy and we love him for that apparently

12th doctor is girlbossing prideful or maybe it was 11th or 9th WHO'S THE ONE WHO CALLS THE POTATO A POTATO

There are rhinos and they're police they're called Zookas and they transform people into something for their sins

I think it was the rhinos but someone looks like gollum had sex with a dead horse and got impregnated

There's a potato dude (gn)

There's a Meep and Meep's pronouns are Meep which is fab

There's a dude named Harry in the original doctor who

Shitty effects are beloved here

Someone installed a ramp on the tardis

there is someone named rose and the 9th doctor did something with a timeline and lost her to another 9th doctor and everyone's sad about it coz he knew he couldnt give her the life or something

Rose is kissy smoochie with doctor

Donna noble is played by catherine tate who knows less about the show than i do (which isnt saying much clearly im an expert)

The doctor is not actually a doctor it's something about yelling DOCTOR and they say DOCTOR WHO and it's like FUCK YEAH BABA GRIL NAMEDROP

Is this show title a knock knock joke like Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? Yes now let me in.

one last time for you sluts DAVID TENNNANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

you're welcome.

[bluetoraa]

incorrect quotes, karma akabane x reader

warnings!

—gn!reader

—swearing

y/n: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

karma: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

y/n: ...

y/n: You mean ring bearER, right?

karma: ...

y/n: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

y/n: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

karma: I wrote you a poem.

y/n, already crying: You did?

y/n: We’re getting married, bitches!

karma: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

karma, at y/n's funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. (They leave)

karma, leaning over y/n′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

y/n: Yeah, no shit.

y/n: Some of us are still ‘it’ from a childhood game of tag.

karma: way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

y/n: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

karma: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

y/n: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

karma: y/n, it's four o'clock in the morning.

y/n: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

karma: I’m in love with you.

y/n: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, idiot.

karma: I know.

y/n: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

y/n: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch.

Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.

y/n: Lmao, @/karma.

y/n: Hey, you want a tarot reading?

karma: Those are Pokemon cards.

y/n: You got a magikarp.

karma: ...?

y/n: It means 'fuck you'.

AUTHOR NOTES;

I DO NOT OWN THE DIVIDERS! ALL CREDITS GO TO “blackholemojis” ON TUMBLR!!!

anyways take this while i disappear for awhile lmfao

im travelling again and school sucks ass bc its fucking school man😭

anyways, i hope whoevers reading this has a great day/night! thank you for reading!

tue sept 27th, 2022. 11:28 PM

[elliewlums]

Stevie does teeny things to help autistic!reader. Always having gum on hand to satiate ur oral stimming. Keeps plasters in his pocket from when u bite ur cuticles so much they bleed. Bitey toys, or just offers his arm for u to gnaw on. Watches the same shows over and over again because you can’t start anything new

content warnings: autistic!reader, autistic!eddie and robin too (i love them okay), reader is overstimulated and accidentally hurts herself, descriptions of blood from injuries, she uses chewy toys and uses steve as a chewy toy lmfao, a little crying, hurt/comfort. pretty sure this covers it all hahaha

note: i wrote a whole essay on this SORRY LOL and it’s kinda sadder than i anticipated

steve knows what you need ninety nine percent of the time. he’s amazing at picking up on your needs when non-verbal and even better when it comes to having everything you might need on hand at all times; gum, fidget toys, chewy toys, plasters. he’ll offer you something to chew when you bite your nails or your fingers or your lips until they bleed, cleaning you up and distracting you with something else to focus on.

today’s not a great day. everything’s been overwhelming and you’ve been permanently overstimulated, biting your nails down to the quick until your cuticles and fingertips started bleeding. still, you haven’t stopped. steve hasn’t been with you for a couple of hours, needing to tend to other pressing matters, but he knows he’ll come back to you tearing yourself apart despite asking the others to keep an eye on you. he’s usually so good at keeping on top of your needs; it’s just unfortunate that he hasn’t been able to supervise today.

he enters eddie’s trailer to raucous shouting and laughter. eddie and robin seem to be engaged in a heated debate, one you would be involved in on some days. but not now. it’s too much, too loud. god, were the lights always this bright? when did their voices become so grating? his eyes scan the vicinity for you quickly and he rushes to the very corner of the room where you’ve practically camouflaged yourself, curled up with your knees to your chest and your fingers in your mouth, blood dripping no matter how much you suck off and lick away.

“hey, bug,” comes steve’s gentle voice; it pulls you from the verge of a meltdown somewhat, his presence alone letting you know that it’s okay, you’re gonna go home now. “let’s head out, alright? we can go home, watch some star wars?” you nod a little, eyes glassy, still gnawing away at your hands. “good girl. want a piggyback?” you nod again, timid, and let him crouch in front of you until you climb onto his back.

his smell, the firmness of him underneath you has you burying your face in the back of his neck and hiccuping little sobs. steve has to nudge robin and eddie to pull their attention away from their bickering. he has to keep from sounding too stern.

“i’m taking y/n home. we’ll see you at the weekend?”

eddie shoots up. they got so far lost in whatever trivial topic they were discussing that they forgot how overstimulated you get.

“y/n,” he murmurs, tapping your shoulder. “i’m sorry we got distracted— fuck, your hands. ‘m sorry, should’ve known better. noise is the worst thing when i get like that, too.” you reach out and squeeze his hand in your own.

“‘s okay…” you mumble, sniffing. eddie’s brows knit together.

“we’ll make it up to you this weekend. do whatever you want. star wars marathon?” that brings a smile to your face.

“‘kay.”

“see you, bug.”

steve carries you to the car and sets you down outside the passenger seat, letting you climb in; as soon as he’s seated too he leans over to root in the glovebox for disinfectant, plasters and a chewy toy.

“come climb in my lap, sweetheart,” he says, patting his thigh invitingly. you do as he says, still crying a little as he begins to wipe and bandage your sore fingers. “good girl. put this in your mouth.” he hands you your pink chewy, smiling as you begin to gnaw on it and visibly relax. “thought you were gonna take chewy with you today? you forget?”

“think it’s gross,” you grumble quietly.

“who thinks it’s gross?”

“dunno. people will think i’m gross. unsanitary.” your answers are garbled around your toy, but steve knows. he always knows.

“have you met those two? eddie chews his own hair so much i’m sure he has a hairball. and robin bites nancy all the time. there’s no way they’ll think you’re gross. they’ll probably want one for themselves, bug.” he kisses the palm of your hand. “all done, sweet thing.”

“thanks. ‘nd i’m sorry. ‘m so embarrassing.”

“you’re not. promise. you just have different needs sometimes and that’s okay. ‘s why i’m here.” you press your head to his chest, still chewing furiously. “let’s go home.”

“can i have jus’ a minute?” you ask. he smiles; you’ve been working on being able to communicate your needs with him and it finally seems like it’s paying off.

“of course, bug. you want my arm for a minute?”

“please.”

you wrap yourself around steve, replacing the chewy toy with his thick forearm. you’re careful, more careful than you are with yourself, teeth pressing gently into the flesh of his muscle and lips sucking softly. when your eyes flutter closed, finally calm, he deems it time to head home for real.

[drstrangefictions]

One-Shot

James "Logan" Howlett x Female Reader

Word Count: 4,508

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Logan has big OOC energy. I wrote this today. It was a head empty, no thought fic so I am very sorry if it sucks LMFAO it was also not supposed to be more than 1K words but here we are.

AO3: Link

Logan sat on the couch, just barely past, watching the television (more like barely paying attention to it). It was normally peaceful, more often than not, the students and professors actually slept. Save for Logan. The nightmares typically kept him awake, sometimes they were things he remembered, such as the war; sometimes they were things he couldn’t recall, something he assumed to be of his mysterious past. It was truly a sick and twisted joke, not being able to remember who he was. He’s well aware of who he is now, just a man, a mutant, on the path to recovery (if you can call whatever he does with his life recovery). He still considered himself a monster, a murderer, but it was just another little thing Logan had to live with. Coupled with the fear of hurting someone in this new place he called home. Beer would be soothing (unlikely) if it had any effect. The damn healing factor makes it hard to drink problems away and it might actually be for the best.

Rogue was amongst his favorites at the X-Mansion. An innocent girl, simply afraid of herself, and astonishingly determined to find a work around, or a cure, or something to make her feel better. A little practice, ease of anxieties, and the works would help one would think. Time is the only thing, Charles seemed to think he had all the time in the world. She was a stowaway, that’s how he got stuck with her, and Logan didn’t mind at all. Jean was another one of Logan’s favorites. Something about her was just so different than most people. Whether it be her softspoken charm or her sincere nature, perhaps her inner and outer strength. Jean was nearly a friend. Amongst the favorites was another kind mutant; however, she was truly an unexpected favorite. Scott refers to her as Void, most people at the X-Mansion call her that. When she was first mentioned, Logan had no idea they were actually talking about a person – Void was often referenced as “The Void” as in the emptiness of space or general lack of something.

Void is something of a magician – “a street magician,” Bobby had jokingly told Logan the night before she returned. She played her cards just right; she always had an ace up her sleeve. Literally, she gave Logan the ace of hearts when they first officially met. He kept it, of course he kept it, he was intrigued. Logan twirled the ace of hearts between his fingers, he did this when she was absent. Odd for tonight, because she was just in her room (it’s not actually known if she really does stay at the mansion overnight, it’s an assumption based on observation of actions). She always had some kind of disappearing act. Logan was actually captivated by her magician skills; he could never quite grasp how she does her crazy tricks.

“Can’t sleep?” She stood against the archway. “There used to be a door here.” Her eyes traced the door frame.

“Thought you were asleep.” Logan looked up from the ace of hearts.

Void shrugged her shoulders and stepped into the living room. She turned to face the television, presumable to see what Logan had left on, and scrunched her nose at the boring show on the boring channel. “You could always pop a movie in. Might I suggest Event Horizon?” She faced Logan again and held out the movie case. “Sam Neill does a great job in this movie. A bit of science fiction, a bit of horror, but a whole masterpiece.”

“How do you do all those tricks?” Logan asked. Finally.

With a flick of her wrist the movie was gone from her hand. “Practice. I used to want to be a magician, until I learned it was a sham. It broke my heart for about a month. At some point I set my mind to something else. None of those things happened, I’m here instead.” Void walked over to the couch and sat as far away from Logan as she could manage with the couch being a lot smaller than it was when she was a growing up at the X-Mansion.

Logan glanced at her. “Child’s ignorance.” He smiled.

“Ignorance in all capital letters, get it right. Followed by disappointment.” She grinned and turned to face Logan. She pulled her legs onto the couch and pressed her left foot against him to be annoying on purpose. She draped her arm over the back of the couch and scrunched her nose again. This time there was no trace of disgust, but something else. “You always sound so grumpy.” She teased.

“Maybe I am always grumpy.” He said.

“Bullshit. Tell me about something you’re not grumpy about. I’m a nosy girl, so it has to be something no one knows about.” Void stifled her laughter.

Logan blinked. “No.”

She leaned her head against her arm and quickly gave him a thumbs down with her free hand. “Fine. Tell me why the professor thinks you’ve been acting so odd recently. He’s concerned, but only a little bit because you’re a big boy. He thinks something is bothering you, but he doesn’t want to be nosy. Which is shocking because this man has no respect for privacy.”

Logan looked at the beer bottle in his hand and shook his head. “He’s a bit of a dick at times.”

“Correction, massive dick. Like most adults here. Myself included.” She inhaled deeply. “Continue.”

“I have been acting different, yes. I didn’t think it would be noticeable. I have a few things on my mind.” Logan began. “Don’t worry about it.” He cut himself short. So close.

Void relaxed her shoulders and reached over to Logan, pressing her knuckles against his arm. “I won’t push, just know, you big oaf, that you can come talk to me when you’re ready. And if I’m not here when you need to talk, I’m sure you know to call me, right?”

Logan swallowed and looked at her and her unwavering kindness towards him. Flooded by recent memories, Logan could only stare. She wasthere for him, more often than she wasn’t. She has magicked herself into his room immediately after he woke up from another nightmare (her random materialization was no help at all, but at least she was there instantly). She would stay with him all night long. He always seemed to find her on the couch with him when her schedule allowed for it – between teaching these kids magic tricks (Charles considers this good old recreational fun and a course schedule elective) and teaching Astronomy and related subjects, and disappearing into the outside world, somehow, she was always there for him. She always seemed to find new way to disturb his peace childishly. She was childish. She has startled him on multiple occasions at three in the morning to haul his ass outside to view the stars as if they had never seen stars before. He hated it so much that he kept stargazing with her.

“Yeah, I know.” He looked away from her.

She flashed a small smile of concern. “I don’t like when the cool guy isn’t feeling a 100 percent.”

“Oh, so I’m the cool guy now.” He chuckled.

“Always were, dear friend, always were. Don’t tell the other guys, but I lie to them about their worth.” She laughed.

Logan shook his head, stifling his own laughter. “How does everyone not hate you?”

“Easy. I make dessert and if they hate me, they get nothing.” She shrugged her shoulders rather dramatically. “But honestly, I have my favorites. It’s me, I’m my own favorite. You’re a close second.”

“Geez, only a close second?” Logan faked his disappointment. He furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re such a wildcard.”

She leaned back and threw her arm over the back of the couch again. “Thanks, I worked really hard to become the wildcard. The damn threats that the Avengers face never expect me, Magneto is occasionally prepared for me. It all comes from not thinking. How can my plan be thwarted if I have no plan?”

Logan sighed; real disappointment settled. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Thanks, I came up with it on a whim.” She tried to maintain a stoic expression, only to exaggerate her need to laugh. She was funny, and she often laughed at herself. She was quick.

Logan looked anywhere but at her. Childish. “So, you spend your free time with those Avengers? What do you gain from it?”

“A paycheck.” She sighed. “It’s not very fun, once they find the guy they’re looking for, I never have to see them again. Charles thought it would be a good idea for me to go because I have a better chance of not mucking things up. Which is true, no offense, but you and Stark would get along so poorly that everything is jeopardized from the moment you lock eyes with him.” She leaned her head on her arm.

Logan nodded; she was probably right. “I can see that being the case.”

They grew silent, but it was a comfortable silence. Void’s presence was comforting. She was so laidback and collected, but she also worried far more than the average person. She laughed a lot and made everything funny with good intentions. Logan knew that she coped with humor. Sadness, concern for him, anger usually got covered by her humor and childish nature. Logan was told of the one time she lashed out and lost control; she frightened herself and others and, well, a family had to bury their daughter. He didn’t know what caused it, no one did, but he knew that’s why she hid her anger. He thought it was much worse than being angry. Where does that anger go if she’s just hiding it? Doesn’t it just build up? If it doesn’t build up, what is she doing with that anger?

Void shifted and dragged her foot away from him. She rested her head on her knee and kept her eyes on him. She was worried, and she was bad at hiding it (if she was even trying to hide it).

“There is one thing that is eating me.” Logan locked eyes with her. He curled his hand into a fist and clenched his jaw. Something was bothering him – well, more than one something. The nightmares, of course, were bothering him, so was his past, and what Stryker did to him, and there was also a girl. This girl. Void. But bothering him wasn’t what she was doing. He was actually bothered by the fact that he loved her.

Void raised her eyebrows and lifted her head. He had her full attention. “Tell me.”

Instant regret washed over Logan. “There’s this girl–.”

“Is it Jean?”

“Let me finish.” Logan inhaled sharply. “This girl. She means the world to me. She’s very funny, even if I don’t laugh. She’s bright and she always seems to have an answer to something. She’s very kind to me and most other people. I think her kindness towards me is misplaced – something tells me I don’t deserve it. She’s always on the move, whether it’s something for her friends, her family, or me. She’s always doing something. She’s honest, even if the truth sucks, she’ll tell me. Hell, she’s beautiful and so full of life. She’s a horrible liar. She hides behind her humor. Something could bother her, and she’ll joke about it.”

Void smiled. Logan can be a sweetheart, but Void already knew that. “I bet she’s lucky to know you. Do I know her?”

Logan thought for a moment. “She’s never mentioned you.”

She nodded sadly. “So, probably not. Damn, Logan, I don’t think you should be so down on yourself over her. Misplaced kindness? There’s no such thing as misplaced kindness towards you. And she’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you. I mean, come on, do you need me to ask her out for you?”

Logan shook his head. “That won’t be necessary. Can’t risk losing her to you, now, can I?”

Void snorted. “Oh, am I your competition?” She eyed him sadly.

Logan looked away; his smile faded at the glimpse of pain in her eyes. He felt bad for not saying: “Hey, my stupid ass is afraid of rejection, but I think you’re awesome, we should date.” He was talking about her. He was in love with her. He loved her. It was the pain in her eyes from thinking of Logan loving someone else that made it click. She started out just doing as she does because that’s what a good friend would do, she never planned to fall in love (I mean, no one ever plans to fall in love), Logan definitely never planned to fall in love. It actually scared him, seeing that twinge of pain in her eyes. He was afraid of hurting her – physically and mentally and emotionally. He was afraid to lose her to someone better eventually (oh, anxiety, you scamp). He was afraid of her growing tired of him. Even worse, he was hurting her now by avoiding the truth.

“I will give you money if you ask her out.” Void found humor.

Logan licked his top lip. “Don’t.”

Void leaned away from him. “Okay, but you told me about her, now you have to work your magic. I’m the friend that encourages everything, remember?”

“Pushing Scott off of a cliff into the ocean is notencouragement.” Logan chuckled. That was a strange day. There was no real reason that they took a little fieldtrip to the Etretat sea cliff, they just took it. She didn’t really push Scott, more like, she threw him in the ocean right after he said something stupid. Eventually they all ended up in the water somehow…

“Right, but you weren’t going to do it, so I did. He was lucky there was water down there. Otherwise, that would have been awkward.” She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Seriously, though, I know you well enough to know that I should encourage something like this. You may not be able to identify your true past, beyond Stryker, but you know who you are in this present moment. Logan, the Wolverine, a X-Man. You might view yourself in a negative light, and if someone like me can understand and see past it, so can she. You’re not defined by what you did, well you are but you aren’t, if that makes sense. You’re not a monster – sure, your kill count might be higher than mine, murderer – but you’re really not a monster. Probably just wildly misunderstood.” She moved again, crisscross with her back against the couch and her eyes on the television.

“Key word there is ‘probably’.”

Void gave a thin-lipped smile. “Oh, you know, not everyone is misunderstood, it’s just a ‘probably’, right? You’ve worked pretty hard to be a functional member of society, Logan, if she can’t see your worth, she’s an idiot. I want you to take that chance, you only live this one life, no matter how long yours is. Don’t be a coward, I’ll start chanting and everyone will know everything.” She bit her bottom lip as her real smile grew.

“No chanting.” Logan pointed at her. “None.”

She put her hands up defensively and looked down and away. “Fine, fine.” She sighed and peered over at Logan. She leaned forward and shrugged her shoulders. “At the end of the day, you have to either go for it, or not go for it. If she’s an idiot, you know where to find me. If she’s not, be gross faraway from here, please. We don’t need another Scott and Jean moment.” She shuddered, disgusted.

Logan laughed, he really laughed at that one. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t torture anyone like that.”

“Thank you.” She slumped back, relieved. “You know no idea how disgusting and annoying it is. They��ve been together for a very long time and, ugh, I need a nice glass of bleach.” Void shook her head.

His shoulders bounced as he laughed. “You really hate them that much?”

“Honestly, I’ve spelt on this couch more times than I care to admit because, before we acquired children, they just went at it, and everyone heard them. This was the safe space. I’ve had mock sleepovers with all of the original members. Oh, to be young again.” She snorted. “Young couples, am I right?”

“They’re not that young anymore.” Logan exhaled, grinning. He paused for a moment, opening his mouth to speak before changing his mind.

“Back on topic, before you say anything, I just want you to know, at the end of the day, I want you to do what’s best for you.” She looked at Logan. “But seriously, don’t be Jean and Scott.”

Logan let out one last chuckle. “I got it. Thank you.”

“Well, how long did it take you to learn that little phrase. ‘Thank you’, say it again.” She smiled smugly.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

She shook her head. “I’m joking.”

“No, I think you’re serious.” Logan pointed at her.

She sighed and looked up. “Whatever you say, big guy.”

“Well, since you’re joking, I guess you don’t want to hear what I have to say.” Logan shrugged his shoulders and looked away from her. She was nosy, she was going to want to know.

Void scooted closer to him with wide eyes. “Tell me.”

Logan looked at her, lips parted. He leaned against her arm. “Let’s put it this way. I appreciate you. A lot. There aren’t many people I can appreciate. And all jokes aside, thank you for everything.” He looked at her, almost unsure of how to really thank her for all she’s done for him. “You’re always there for me. There’s no doubt you’ve seen it all by now.”

“D’aw, you’re such a liar.” She giggled and leaned into him.

Logan snorted. “And you can’t accept what I just said.”

“Alright, alright. You’re welcome for everything.” Void mocked. “Since I don’t ask for much, can I ask you something? It’s kind of weird.”

Logan hesitated. Weird? That’s never a good thing. “Go ahead.” He pulled away from her and glanced at her.

“Would you happen to know how to get over someone? I mean, I’m never going to go after him. I’m sort of afraid to and I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone anyway. I’d rather spare myself the heartbreak and skip right over to the moving on. It sounds weird because he was never mine to move on from or get over.” She slowly inched away from Logan and back to her side of the couch.

Logan drew his lips into a thin line. “Sounds like you want to skip out on being human. I don’t recommend that. I know you don’t want to feel upset over someone you never got close with, you should let yourself feel these things. Isn’t that what you tell me?”

“Ugh, bastard, using my own spells against me.” She started to slide down the couch. Dramatic. “That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. You suck at this.”

Logan watched her slide down. “Fine, fine. Do things you love to distract yourself. Go out and view the stars, stargazing, do research on the new space garbage they found, bully Scott for something new. And if all else fails, like you always say, you know where to find me.” He swallowed. It was really now or never.

“Scott’s hair is awful, and I need to tell him.” Void laughed. “I could bully him about that, right?”

“It’s horrible, please tell him.”

She nodded. “I’ll tell him you said it. Besides, Jean cut his hair.”

“That explains why it’s so bad.” Logan chuckled.

Void threw herself back up on the couch and nodded. She was dramatic and childish. The exact opposite of himself. He was a monster, and she was, well, whatever she was. Yikes, she was a telekinetic and a master at sneaking up on people, maybe she had some kind of phasing mutation or portal mutation to help with that. Meanwhile, Logan was an animal. Bone claws coated in metal. Natural born killer. Logan watched her. She kept her eyes on the television. She sat crisscross and played with the sleeves of her – actually, it was his – sweatshirt while she watched the boring show that they both had tuned out in order to talk. That was another thing – she dressed better than him even if she tricked him into giving her his sweatshirt (did she really trick him, or did he just give it to her without a conversation about it? We will truly neverknow). It was now or never. She’s sitting right there. He could easily ask her on a date.

“Get up, let’s go for a walk.” Logan threw himself off the couch and walked into the kitchen. “Beer?”

She looked towards the kitchen. “Not if we’re walking outside past midnight. I don’t care if you’re a big strong man, I know myself, and I’d like to be sober enough to know what the hell goes wrong.”

“You’re so paranoid.” Logan frowned. She had a point though. He also had no idea where they were going to walk to. Were they going to stay by the mansion?

She scoffed. “As if you aren’t, let me get shoes. Unlike you, I don’t wear shoes all damn day.” Void jumped off the couch and disappeared into the shadows of the X-Mansion.

Logan made his way to the front door. He leaned against the wall and waited for her to run up to him or to materialize in front of him. His mind wandered, how on Earth was he going to ask her? How was he so sure this was going to work? He didn’t even peak outside to see if they could see anything tonight. For all Logan knew, it could be cloudy as hell. He shook his head and grumbled about being so stupid and impulsive. Then a new problem came up: what if she says no? Logan, for all he knew, could have just saw what he wanted to when he looked at her.

“Let’s go.” She said.

Logan jumped out of his skin. “What the fuck?”

Void swung the door open and pulled him out of the X-Mansion. She locked the door behind them and threw her lanyard of keys around her neck and slipped it beneath the sweatshirt. She lurched at the cold keys tapping her warm skin, a bad feeling. She jogged down the stairs after Logan and looked up at the sky as she did every time they walked outside at night. Outside of the mansion they could see more than they would in a suburban neighborhood or in the city. But still not as much as one little spot she found in the middle of nowhere. She took him there once, a really bad night. He wasn’t one for stargazing or truly understanding the beauty of it all, but that night he didsee the beauty that is the night sky. That was about a year and a half ago, around that time, maybe even that night, he realized he loved her and all of her crazy childishness. They walked out towards the back of the mansion. The number of times his hand grazed hers was infuriating. He could just hold her hand, drape his arm over her, something “romantic”. But that would be weird considering their conversation earlier.

“Something’s really bothering you.” Void threw herself in front of Logan and grabbed his arms. She tried to shake him, but him and his metal bones just don’t budge all too often. “I’m the one that makes us go for walks or stargazing. Not you. So, what’s bothering you, Logan? If it’s another nightmare, you should tell me. I need to know what’s going on so I can help you.”

Logan looked at her, every inch of her face screamed concerned. “You should worry about yourself more than you worry about me. I know you stay up and wait to see if I need you.”

“One day, I won’t stay up all night to make sure you’re okay, but today isn’t that day.” She smiled sadly. “Wait, how’d you know?”

Logan shrugged. “Just a lucky guess.”

Void yawned into her elbow. “Bullshit.” She grabbed his arm again. “I guess it’s obvious.”

“With all the close calls, I don’t think you should–.”

Void inhaled deeply. “They’re only close calls because I get close. But I know how to avoid getting impaled. Earlier you asked me how I do all my tricks, the answer is wormholes, most of the time. I can create harmless little wormholes and that’s how I keep you from stabbing me. The room is so dark, you’re so panicked, you don’t even see it. That’s how I move around most of the time too” She looked up at Logan and smiled. She was clever.

“Wormholes. Sounds like a space thing.” He couldn’t smile at that. No matter how clever she thought herself to be, she was still risking a lot.

She pressed her head against his chest and shook her head. “You’re so annoying. You’re even more annoying because that girl you were talking about was me, wasn’t it?”

“What gave it away?” He raised an eyebrow.

She smiled and looked up at him, still leaning against him. “Oh, just a lucky guess. You couldn’t say much about they mystery girl without giving away who she was, you’ve pushed the conversation towards me, and you would have thrown me across the yard for leaning against you like this. I know you, Logan.”

“What about this guy of yours?” He asked.

“I may have twisted the story a bit,” she gave a nervous laugh, “because the guy is you.”

Logan loosely wrapped his arms around her. “I should’ve known. You’re a terrible liar.”

“Yeah, I’m not the moron that fell for it.” Void stuck her tongue out at him. “So, is this a date? Is that why you took me outside?”

Logan looked away. “If you want this to be a date–.”

“It’s a date.” She pulled away from him and dragged him over to the bench. “A very comfortable date.”

They sat on the bench – somehow Logan always ended up on the end and she slid next to him and took his left hand in her right. She couldn’t focus on the stars, instead all she could focus on was Logan – but when doesn’t she? Logan chuckled at her staring, she could be drooling, and he’d still stare back. As if they don’t spend all the time in the world together already, she kept herself pressed against his side. He could live with this, but she won’t change his mind about himself. Maybe she would ease his anxieties. She was clever. She was childish. Logan loved that about her.

[drawlfoy]

the poisoning of draco malfoy

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x fem!reader

request: no haha

summary: y/n is known her her hangover cure and her passion for potion making. something goes slightly wrong when it comes to helping draco malfoy.

warnings: mentions of underage drinking, swearing, getting poisoned lmfao

a/n: hiyo i should be studying rn for one of my exams on monday but i just wanted to post this also big sorrry to anyone’s dm that i have yet to respond to i literally just popped in here to do this and hopefully i will crawl out of my study hole in a few days fjsdka’

word count: 1.2k

tags :) message or send in an ask to be tagged! @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell

“Draco!” Y/N hissed as he flipped through her entire Potions cabinet, his fingers brushing over every bottle. “Be careful!”

“Sheesh, have I ever been anything but careful?” he teased, shooting her a very self-satisfied look before continuing his search. “Why don’t you label yours?”

“It adds spice to the whole hangover curing process, don’t you think?” she joked, sitting on her bed as she watched him. “Do you need help?”

“No, I’m fine.” She tried to suppress a smile as his stubborn persona reared its head. “It’s pink, right?”

“Yeah,” she said absentmindedly. Her thoughts were somewhere other than potions--instead thinking of how he’d let her rest her head on his shoulder while they were all talking. It obviously meant nothing--they were just friends--but it still made her heart speed up when she thought about it. 

“Got it.” He shut her cabinet, brandishing a small pink bottle before tossing it into his pocket. “Thanks, Y/N. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Anytime,” she said. If she avoided looking him in the eyes for too long, she could pretend like she didn’t feel disappointment at the fact that his visit to her room would be so brief. When he’d asked the group for Wide-Eye potion, everyone had directed him to her and her signature brew (which was really just Wide-Eye brewed with the essence of mandrake root). She’d let her mind wander to the possibilities of what might happen when they were alone in her room--but that was all drunken fantasy speaking. Just because he let her touch his shoulder didn’t mean he was about to propose.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” He sent her a grin that made her knees weak, turning to leave.

“See you.” 

With that, he was gone.

~

“Think you’re funny, huh?”

Draco’s voice cut through her own pounding head as she sat at the Ravenclaw table with her other equally hungover friends.

“Excuse me?” She whipped around to see him pink with frustration. “Did you even take it?”

“It doesn’t work,” he told her matter-of-factly. “I don’t know how you managed to con all your friends into thinking that you’re some sort of Potions master at the age of 17, but you’re not. I know you’re a fraud.”

“What are you talking about?” Y/N asked. “That potion works. I’ve used it myself.”

“Yeah, it’s magic,” said her fellow Ravenclaw friend, Rena, from across the table. “I actually stole a vial from your cabinet this morning. Never been better. Maybe you’re just ill.”

“Huh?” Y/N asked. “I gave the last vial to Draco last night. There’s no way you could’ve…” The color drained from her face. “Draco, do you still have the bottle from last night? Can you describe the potion to me?”

The realization seemed to dawn upon him as his eyes widened. “No. I threw it out. It just looked like a regular potions bottle. Pink, like you said. Oh, god, did you poison me?”

“You’re still alive, aren’t you?” said Y/N, keeping her tone cavalier despite the fact that she was terrified. “There’s nothing...deadly...in there per se. But it’s not all totally legal for someone like me to have, so we can’t let Pomfrey know about it until I figure out what you took. Or Snape. Especially not Snape.” She shivered.

“So what do you suggest we do?” he drawled.

“Come with me. I’m going to try and figure out what’s missing.”

They didn’t talk much on their way to the Ravenclaw dorms apart from Y/N asking him about his symptoms. As far as she could tell, he was perfectly fine apart from a headache and sensitivity to sound and light--a classic hangover. 

She racked her brain, trying to think about what potion could be in her cabinet that wouldn’t cause ANY effects, even with the combination with alcohol. There was nothing. Quite literally nothing.

“Ok,” she told him as they stood in front of her cabinet. “I want you to tell me the general region where you grabbed it.”

Draco squinted at the bottles, running his fingers over them like he had last night. “To be honest, I hardly remember. It was a blur. Maybe this’ll teach you to put labels on them.”

“Normally I don’t have people ransacking my potions!” she snapped, throwing her hands in the air. “Are you sure you don’t feel anything different from a hangover? Like, at all?”

“No.” 

“Did you even take it?”

“Yes, I’m quite certain I drank a potion you gave to me this morning unless I completely imagined the entire thing,” he said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and sitting down next to her. “How fucked am I? Should I go to the hospital wing?”

“Worst comes to worst we use a bezoar, but it doesn’t look like you’re in any danger.” She chewed her lip as she thought. “Hang on…you’re absolutely positive it was pink, right? Were there any other colors in it?” 

“Gold flecks.” 

She sprung up, digging through her cabinet and ignoring Draco’s questioning. “This doesn’t make any sense. I think you took my love potion.”

“No way,” he scoffed. “I think I would know if I was under the influence of a love potion.”

“I know. That’s why it doesn’t make any sense,” Y/N said. “But there’s only one potion in here that has gold flecks, and that’s a love potion. And it’s gone. Unless Rena took it--and I think everyone would’ve noticed that by now--it had to have been you.”

“But I feel normal!” he protested, running his hands through his hair. 

“Of course you feel normal,” she chastised. “The whole point of love potions is to convince you that what you’re feeling is natural--oh.”

It hit her. 

He gave her a weird look.

“Got anything you want to confess, Malfoy?” she asked, cocking her head and meeting his eyes. 

“What?”

“Do you know how love potions work?”

“Of course I know how love potions work,” he snapped, narrowing his eyes. “I’m not 12.”

“Care to explain?”

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, but he crossed his legs and continued in a monotone voice as he recited the lesson they’d both heard in 3rd year. “The recipient of a love potion falls into infatuation with the…”

His voice trailed off.

“With the person who gave it to them, yeah?” pushed Y/N. “So if you feel no different, and I was the person who gave it to you..”

Draco just stared.

“Draco, I brewed that potion, and I know that there’s nothing wrong with it,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You feel normal because--”

“Because I normally feel infatuated with you, yeah,” he cut in, his tone bitter as he rolled his eyes again. “No need to spell it out for me.”

“This is horribly embarrassing for you, huh?” she teased, giving him a shove. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve probably liked you for longer.”

“Well--what?” 

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging as she tucked her legs under her and scooted a little closer. “You don’t honestly think I’d give my last vial to some random classmate, do you?”

“Well, why didn’t you just tell me?” he teased. “I don’t let just anyone fall asleep on my shoulder.”

“I guess we’re both cowards, then,” said Y/N.

“And idiots.”

“I think that’s just you.”

final a/n: i didnt edit this and i wrote this in the middle of what was supposed to be a study session for me whoopsies fdjsa;k 

[mostlymaudlin]

hello friends it’s been some time since i last wipped around these parts. i have not been writing that much lately but im off work the next five days and i don’t rly celebrate the colonizer holiday, so im looking forward to resting enough that i have words again!

i do have a little bit of what will eventually be my erotic gropefest fic. i wrote this back when pal first announced the fest — immediate inspiration lol. thx for the tags @urban-sith @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe <3

Something is wailing.

Is that a bloody alarm clock? When did Snow buy an alarm clock? And why, when we already have a sunrise alarm clock that doesn’t commit daily war crimes on my eardrums! It plays peaceful music as it slowly lights up the room. It does not blare.

I try to pull the blankets up over my face, but Simon is lying on top of them, weighing them down. He’s basically lying on top of me. I squeeze my eyes shut with a frown, hoping he’ll do something about the noise. I’ve stopped pretending I’m anything but pathetic in the morning. Snow is in charge of early hour chaos. I trust him to address the situation.

He’s not moving, though, so I let out a small whine. (Pathetic. I’ve accepted it.) I kick one of his shins.

“Right,” Simon says, his voice raspy and warm. He shifts his weight off of me, and the noise stops.

“I love you,” I murmur, turning my face in what I think is his direction and lifting my chin so he can kiss me. When he doesn’t, I finally open my eyes so that I can pout. But I’m not prepared for what I see.

oooooooh cliffhanger… evil evil what does he see…. ok i tag @caitybug first of all because i know you’re on vacation and im CURIOUS! and also @palimpsessed @tea-brigade @snowybank (you know what i want. pls give me a hit lmfao.) @seducing-a-vampire @sillyunicorn @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @unseelieseelie @stillmadaboutpetra @nick-eyre @stardustasincocaine @prettylightsbigcity @wetheformidables (i am holding out hope max…) @fatalfangirl @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 and anyone else who wants to show off their stuff. kiss kiss love u all

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Ozai's adopted fic???

Ozai didn't understand his strange feelings towards his new child. He didn't feel this intensely towards his other two children, and the feelings in him didn't seem to be dying down at all. In fact, they seemed to be getting stronger.

He could barely stand his brother, Iroh, spending time with his beloved child, but Iroh had proved himself to be just as protective of his child as he, himself was - well not as much as himself, since Ozai doubted anyone could love his child as much as he did. At any rate, Iroh was a good guardian for his precious child on the rare occasion he had to leave, and when his precious child was playing one of their games of "Catch". (No, his child wasn't running away! Why would anyone think that?).

At any rate, he barely tolerated Azula near his child, and Zuko had just about proved his worth, but they both seemed to be quite taken with his newest child, taking turns to spend time with them when neither he or Iroh could be there. This turned out to be a surprise, but a welcome one, for sure - he now had two other skilled Firebenders to protect his beloved child when neither he or Iroh could be there.

Still. He didn't like sharing his precious child's affections with anyone, and luckily, they seemed resistant to affection from their family members, while usually accepting his affection.

He even considered taking his child with him to war meetings and councils, but decided against it. He didn't want to expose his precious child to the court, or let his generals see his child in person and scheme to earn his favour by using them. Of course he was aware of his subjects plotting to use his precious child as a stepping stone to get into his good graces, but he wouldn't allow that to happen. Ever. Of course people knew of his precious new child and a few portraits had been commissioned of them to show his subjects his most amazing and adorable child, and it limited risk of his child being exposed to commoners during a coronation or other event. He preferred to have his child stay in the Palace where they would be guarded by his children or Iroh when he wasn't there, or by his own hand when he was home.

But his child was showing signs of restlessness in the Palace, and had expressed their desires to have a day out by themselves, but he couldn't allow that. His child needed to be under 24/7 guard in case his enemies tried to kidnap his beloved child, but his child had pouted so heavily that he couldn't resist and gave in.

And so, Iroh was accompanying them into town while in disguise - that way, they wouldn't get mobbed by well-wishers or worse: run the risk of being harmed or kidnapped. Plus, while Ozai hated to admit it, Iroh was more than capable of protecting himself and his new child, and none would dare openly attack the Dragon of the West. His genius new child reasoned that a royal procession would draw too much attention and draw enemies towards them and Iroh, and they didn't want to cause any more fussing than they already were. Ahhhh - his child was so considerate and adorable! How he could refuse? His approval of their little excursion had earned him a warm hug and an excited squeal before his child ran off to make arrangements.

He didn't doubt that he was doing the right thing by letting them out, but it had been 7 hours that they'd been gone by now, and he was starting to pace the expensive and elaborate rug covering most of the floor of his private sitting room. He usually was presiding over his throne room at this time, completely in control and unbothered by anything, but now? When his child was out of sight, but just certainly not out of mind? He was... worried?

Is this what others felt like when their favourite child weren't at home? If so, he could suddenly understand why people were protective of their children. Ozai knew he'd never feel like this towards his other children, not that it mattered, his newest child was his priority, his other children would understand.

A knock at his door startled him out of his thoughts and his worry turned to annoyance at anyone daring to interrupt his thoughts, but he paused, recognising that knock...

Could it be...?

The door opened and his precious child stood there in the doorway - already changed into their royal fire nation robes with their hair pinned up by the hair piece denoting their rank as his child.

"Hi," they chirped, closing the door behind them and they dropped into an unnecessary bow, which he quickly helped them up from. 

"I've told you a thousand times, you need not bow to me, my child," Ozai tried to seem annoyed, but his affection to them clearly showed through, as well as his relief at them being back.

His child nodded, "I know, but it seems disrespectful otherwise. I came here to thank you for letting me go out today - I had a lot of fun,"

Ozai didn't even bother to hide his smile at his child's excitement and joy

"And I know you're worried about me being hurt, so I'm extremely thankful and grateful for you letting me go out, especially without a procession too. I really appreciate it."

He was about to respond when his child did the unthinkable.

They leaned forward and wrapped their arms around him in a small hug.

Ozai was momentarily stunned.

His child didn't like to give hugs often, and they often needed to be bargained for, so them willingly giving him a hug was so shocking that he froze for a brief moment, before he wrapped his own arms around his child and held them tightly, relishing in his child's willing affection as the two of them stood there for a while.

"Thank you, Father." his new child whispered, though not quiet enough that he couldn't hear it.

His child had never called him "Father" before, and this stunned him briefly again before he felt something strange in his chest.

Ozai's heart swelled with so much affection, he'd never felt this much love or affection towards anyone in his entire life, and while it was strange, he wasn't complaining. If this was the result of his child's love and affection, then so be it.

"Of course, my child," he murmured, holding them tighter and dropping a kiss to their forehead, "you deserve the world."

OK so I'm the OP of that other smol piece where Ozai is thinking about his bby and Iroh is trying to say "hello" to them, but Reader is like "mmmm no" and Ozai is like "lmfao they're not gonna hug u they're shy af". So this is later on - I wrote it so yanfam Firebenders have to bargain with Reader for affection and Reader is being in their best behaviour for Ozai so they're a little more receptive to his affection and To get on his good side so they're allowed to do things without an escort etc etc. And this is the first time reader called Ozai "father" bc they're buttering him up af cuz they're gonna yeet themselves outta here and be rescued by others (Idk who lol) and yeah So just some Ozai thoughts on his bby

[astralwaifu]

May I have an MHA/BNHA matchup? :0 if ur matchups are closed by the time u see this, or u just don't feel like writing one, you can ignore!

I'm an INFP/J (last time I took an MBTI test I was equal on this...idek 😬) and my zodiacs are sun Leo, moon Aquarius, rising Capricorn

I'm introverted and quiet irl, but I get told I'm rude and have an attitude around ppl I don't like lol (mostly just a-holes like homophobes and racists), but I'm friendly around nice people :) Most of the time I have a pessimistic mindset but that changes a lot.

I also have ADHD and possibly PTSD

My kins are Aizawa, Deku, and Tokoyami. (Or Todoroki, Jirou, and Bakugou, too.)

My hobbies/passions are drawing, music, making stories (in my head cuz I forget to write everyday lol). I also like gaming, watching Youtube or Twitch streamers, and eating 🌮🎂🍕 I'm also a huge nerd and love to research pointless topics lmao (and I like research mental health :>)

I dislike really toxic people (like ab*sers or hateful people), talkative people (ppl who can strike up convos and keep them going are fine, but ppl who can't stand silence and always have to talk about something all day just annoy me :l), loud noises and alcohol cuz they're triggers for me. (I also hate the cold, idk if that's relevent tho lol)

My fashion sense is pretty much anything alt! Mainly goth, punk, kawaii, scene, and a lil emo (+kidcore and hippie 💖) I don't have a main fave so any of those are fine to me

Random facts about myself? I grew up around metal/death rock (and punk rock...pretty much every genre of rock lolol) so any types of heavy, energetic music genres are always my faves.

I used to be a brony-creepypasta fan and I still kinda am deep inside lmao, so my partner better get used to me talking about Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory...😂😬

I've been tryna regain my childhood for months now 😔 sad fact lmfao

Aaanddd I'm a geography freak :) I love learning about different countries and unique languages

Last fact! I admire alt ppl so much lol, for example everytime I see a fellow goth by baby bat ass just wants to be besties with them but I'm too shy and awkward to talk to them 😭

Again, if u don't feel like writing or ur matchups are already closed, feel free to ignore! I hope you have an amazing day 😊

I honestly didn’t know I had such cool moots 😭 Literally where have you been my entire life people?

I match you up with:

Kyouka Jirou!

Hc:

- When she saw you she instantly fell in love. On the moment she knew you were perfect in every little way, with every quirk of your personality and action. Even if you come off as rude for most people, she has literal stars in her eyes as she watches you. Will also defend you to the end of the world (it’s not your fault M*neta is being a scum again)

- Was and still is nervous around you, always blushing like crazy and fidgeting with her ears. At first, she brushed off the feelings she had, hoping they would fade away. Wrong. The moment you hit her with a geography fact, she was done, lost the war and now had the word ‘love’ tattooed all over her brain.

- How did she confess to you, you may ask… She. Wrote. You. A. Song. And sang it to you. Just imagine what happened in her heart when she found out you were just as down bad for her as she was. (Kyouka started that day to write more songs about you and by now she has enough material for an album)

- You are almost always in eachother’s presence, even if you are not really interacting. It’s just being in the same room that is comforting.

- You also go on shopping dates together and basically go through every alt shop you find, buying endless accessories and clothes, sometimes even matching things. You know the lego half heart necklace thing? You both have one of those, and never take them off (except for bath ofc)

- She help you throughout every ptsd attack. When smth triggers you, she is fast to get you out of that place and comfort you in small ways. Jirou knows that is better to not suffocate you right now, but still stays with you until you feel better. She doesn’t want you to ever feel sad or depressed again, and be sure that Kyouka makes it her goal to bring a little light in your life. In return, you always comfort and praise her when insecurity hits, reminding her of how much love you have for her, and how you’ll never let the thing you have go.

- You listen to music together, obviously, but also watch a lot of videos on youtube. When either of you comes over to the other’s dorm you do this and it’s honestly so cute (and domestic?) and i want it to.

- 10/10, easily the best gf there is.

[faebriel]

ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

-

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

[imaginesbymk]

“My Girl Who’s Not Really My Girl, But Is My Girl Anyway.”

The Pacific One Shot

Summary: Snafu opens up to the guys and tells them about you, how you two are hook up buddies, and he ended up falling in love with you before enlisting in the war. After he returns home, you two make it official.

Pairing: Merriell “Snafu” Shelton x Fem!Reader

Non Requested

Tags: swearing, ethnic slurs, smoking, my shitty attempt at writing implied smut (not too detailed), mentions of war violence

Word Count: 1,753

Author’s Note: snafuuuuu!! i don’t write smut as its stated in my rules, but i thought i’d give this one a try lmfao and verdict: i’m not continuing on doing so because to me writing smut doesn’t suit me. likes/reblogs/feedback needed & appreciated <333

THE boys ganged up on Peck - but for a good reason. Peck was a man who mesmerizingly gazes at a photo of a chorus girl he met and fell in love with while his wife waits for him to come home every day, and is also the man who had gotten their mortar rounds with his own ripped poncho, resulting in getting a fellow marine killed after running to retrieve new ones.

Snafu was the first one to call him out for it. When it came to mentioning girls and whether or not each of them had one, Snafu was definitely going to be next to at least mention a name, or coat himself with a comment, and so he did.

“I don’t care what you think!” Peck exclaimed, annoyed by everyone, especially Snafu. “It’s not like you wouldn’t do the same.”

“Oh?” Snafu said, grinning. “I got a girl waitin’ for me to come home back in Louisiana.”

“Really?” Eugene raised his brow, showing a hint of curiosity that his friend never opened up about it until now. “You’ve never mentioned her before.”

He shrugged. “Nah. Well, she’s my girl who’s not really my girl, but is my girl anyway,” Snafu paid no mind to the twisted confused looks on everyone’s faces, he just continued lighting his cigarette with his filthy hands completely worn from the battle.

“What does that even mean? Is she your girl or not?” Jay D’Leau asked.

“We just fuck around, but we’re not together,” Snafu spoke with the cigarette lit in his mouth.

“Not surprised,” Leyden says. 

“Fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means it’s not like you could hold down a girl for more than a week,” Peck says.

“You don’t got a say in shit, Peck. You carry a photograph of a Chorus broad while your wife dreads the day you die in the hands of a fuckin’ Jap,” he snaps. “I’m the luckiest son’a’bitch there ever was.”

“What’s her name?” Hamm asks.

THE tiny storage closet could fit up to only two people at a time, one if they were to bend over to get a hold of supplies from the shelves and bottom drawers. In that particular night was that storage closet used as a place of privacy for the extroverted Snafu, named Merriell back in Louisiana, and his girl who’s not really his girl, but is his girl anyway: you. Y/n.

People would have definitely heard you, whether they were walking past or were simply far away inside any seminar. The door to the closet was literally being pounded on by your back hitting against it with such force, after all. As for Merriell, he couldn’t give two shits. He’d let all of Louisiana hear you to let them know you belonged to him at that moment.

“You’re way too good at that,” you caught your breath moments after, straightening your dress despite its now developed wrinkles. Your hair was no longer neat and styled, but you did your best to fix it without a mirror.

“You’re experienced and lustful when you know what you’re doing,” he said so confidently. 

“So when are you leaving?”

“Next week. Time flies when you’re having fun,” Merriell put his shirt on, exposing a bit of his chest from the buttons down, and realized you weren’t paying attention to his answer. “Ya hair’s fine, girl.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t wanna walk out there and catch people staring at me, wondering what the hell happened to mess up my hair.”

“Oh they’ll definitely know what happened,” Merriell smirks. “They’re gonna know you walked inside a closet and got drilled by Snafu Shelton until the cows came home.”

You chuckled. “Snafu? Are you sure you want people to go along with that nickname?”

He grins. “As long as I go along with it first.” He tightened his belt, shuffling a bit around the enclosed space of the storage closet.

You ran your hands down his chest. “I’ll write to you.”

Snafu chuckles. “Don’t get serious on me now. I’ll be fine. And don’t write to me,” he then went ahead to button his shirt.

You frown. “Why?”

“It’s a waste of paper.”

“Don’t you wanna keep in touch? Or don’t tell me, you’re planning your proposal to some girl up north?”

“No girl. But there’s nothing we have for each other but a good fuck, that’s all.” And he opens the door, letting you walk out first. He followed you behind, wishing he could hold your hand. 

OK. Perhaps that was a lie. He saw you more than a good fuck. He saw something in you that gave him a bigger motivation to make it to the end of the war, to do his part and come back home. He was gonna miss catching a whiff of your strong perfume that would make him cough and crinkle his nose from his sinuses deteriorating. He was gonna miss how your hair was in his hand as he played with it while cuddling at a movie theatre. 

He was gonna miss you.

NIGHT fell when Snafu hopped off the train. Louisiana was still the way it was when he had left it. The same old calls from food stands, chatter from one group to another. It was nothing new, but it was home. 

He stopped to take a moment first. He didn’t want to wake up Eugene, who had been fast asleep in his seat. Knowing he had something to say before bidding a farewell to his friend, he bit his tongue and kept walking towards the exit.

Snafu, of course, didn’t expect to have anyone wait for him at the station. No family, no friends, no girl. So... what now? He thought. Just find yourself an old man as your chauffeur home, grab a beer and a bowl of peanuts.

“Damn, you look like a lost puppy, Snafu.” Snafu froze in his tracks. He shifted his weight from his duffel bag slung over his shoulder to turn himself around, to find you standing out from the walking crowd. 

A sight for sore eyes.

“Shit, you’re here. As loyal as they come!” A smirk appeared on his face due to the surprise unexpected surprise, even referring to him as “Snafu”.

“You really think I wouldn’t be here waiting for your ugly ass to come home?” you teased. 

“That’s four years of waiting,” Snafu points out. “Maybe five. Shit, you are loyal as they come.” You smile, your eyes twinkling like Christmas was happening way too early near the end of August.

“I have my parents’ car. They told me to bring it back by nine o’clock. I just want them to give me a later curfew, y’know? At least now that you’re home, I have a better reason to borrow it more often.”

“Well all I wanna do is pop a cold one once I stretch my fucking legs. I felt sick from the train ride home.”

“Motion sickness? It’s just one way.”

“A mixture of smoke and onions stunk up the whole boxcar.”

You made a face at that comment, and walked Snafu to your car. He stayed in the passenger seat even though you had pulled up to the house and shut off the engine. You both sat in silence for a moment. 

“Should I even ask how service was?”

Snafu answered your question by changing the subject. “I really missed you, y/n.”

Cocking a brow, you gave him a look. “You insisted for us to not write to each other.”

“I missed you, whether we wrote to each other or not.” Snafu looks ahead of the night through the opened car window. “It was hell out there. I felt like all of Louisiana could hear it. But I knew I would come home to see that pretty lil’ ass of yours again.”

You chuckle. “Snafu-”

“Merriell.”

You frown. “I thought that’s your name now.”

“It is... but when you call me by my Christian name, you chase the loud noises away.” It didn’t matter if that was a metaphor or if he was starting to hear things that could cause a trigger in his senses.

Either way, you just had to ask, “Merriell, is everything right?”

Snafu- Merriell- looked at you. “Yeah. I mean, I think so. Y/n, I think I’m in love with you. Is that all right?”

“Anything that’s been goin’ on between us is just fine, Merriell Shelton.”

“I’ve been in love with you ever since we started foolin’ around. I didn’t think much of it. I always thought a new broad would occupy my thoughts a week after, but each week passes and all I did was look forward to seeing you and you only.” 

Sighing, you take his hand that was rested on his leg. Merriell came to realization that this was the first time you two ever held hands without it leading to sex right after. Physical intimacy, indeed. “Merriell, I had a feeling our hookups would turn out into something more.”

“Really?” he asks.

“We were there for each other no matter what. It’s like I found my ride or die - y’know before you rode out of America for the war trying not to die.”

Merriell stroked your hand with his thumb, his eyes locked onto yours. “You were always my girl. Someone special.”

“I wasn’t really your girl to begin with,” you laughed. “But I also wasn’t anyone else’s, either.” Merriell leaned in, kissing you deeply. None of you pulled away until you had to catch a breath. “We waited a long time to do this again.”

Merriell leaned in again, closer this time that he could go on top of you. He whispered against your lips. “And thank Jesus H. I’m back.”

You both kissed for a couple of minutes. It stopped abruptly when you remembered where you two were at the moment. “Shit, sorry. My dad could have opened the blinds. You should come inside for dinner. My mother would be thrilled to see you in a uniform.”

“Shit, I’m already meeting your folks?” he curls his lips to a nervous grin. “I know damn well ya Dad’s gonna stare me down across the dinner table.”

“As long as you don’t tell him that I call you daddy, too, then you’ll be fine.” You earned a laugh from Merriell Shelton, and you two got out of your car and both walked up to the front steps, holding your boyfriend’s hand.

THE END

[magniloquent-raven]

Fic Writer Questions

i was tagged by @cherry-toxic and @gideongrace ty both 💕🥰💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

15

which is a relatively small number but sometimes im still like, holy shit i finished 15 whole fics lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

68,299 (time to post a 701 word fic and then never post again i guess)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

well this is about to get mildly embarrassing lmfao. ive only got harry potter & stranger things fics on my ao3 and tumblr but if you want a full list, as a teenager i posted a shitty borderlands self-insert fic on quizilla, and hiccup/jack frost fic on ff.net.

and if u count fics that never got finished or published anywhere i dabbled in teen wolf, supernatural, dragon age, star wars, left 4 dead 2, skyrim, good omens, the mcu, buffy, wynonna earp, plus like, general disney/dreamworks crossover fic. and i started writing shameless fics recently, we'll see if i actually finish any. aaaand...i think that's it?

so...15?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Wait for you, Burn for You

2. Find Our Way

3. Something to Hold

4. Room for One More Troubled Soul

5. Don't Know What I'm Gonna Do (About This Feeling Inside)

all harringrove fics except #4, which is probably only on the list because it's been on ao3 the longest lol

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

oh god, i used to. i did when i was starting out, but then i just. i get self-conscious about what to actually say & leave shit to sit for too long. and suddenly ive got like 100 comments i havent replied to and i want to respond to them so bad but ive left them so long i feel weird about it now and it's a problem 😥

i want to start responding to them again, and every time i get a new one i tell myself im gonna but i never do cuz im fuckin awkward lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i......don't really do angsty endings. like, most of my fics end with smooches and/or love confessions lmao, i don't like leaving things off sad, even if it starts depressing as hell.

maybe this one? it still ends soft but without resolving the thing billy was angsting about, so.

Do you write crossovers? If so what's the craziest one you've ever written?

hahahhha.............i don't really do them anymore, but i already said i was into the whole animation movie crossover thing, so. yeah, i did lol. it was when i was in high school so of course i did one that was like, every disney character ever and they're going to school together. which really isn't that crazy a concept, but it was a lot of movies to write in so maybe that counts

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nahh, not rly. i don't get around enough to attract anti attention lol, tho i did get one of those "👎" comments when someone was going around doing that, which lbr, is so low effort it barely counts 😂

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yea sometimes. i do get the occasional horny idea lmao. mostly "what if touch-starved character + tenderness" or someone having lots of feelings while they're fucking. someone is usually billy lbr. i've also got a couple "what if someone got tied up and treated right" ideas but i don't think i've actually published any of those lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yea, kinda! a collab with a friend of mine for fun

What's your all time favourite ship?

i...don't know? i get emotionally invested in characters more than the relationships themselves lol. i don't even know what ship i've been invested in for a long time, most of the shit i shipped as a kid i don't give a fuck about anymore lol.

except fuffy, actually. i've always shipped buffy/faith

and if we wanna go with fandom i've actively stuck with the longest it'd be harringrove. cuz ive been here and writing shit for yall for over a year now when i usually would've cycled thru a couple fixations by now lol

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that's a mean question lmao how dare you. i honestly don't know, i have a lot of wips and i want to finish all of them. i know i won't but there isn't one specifically that seems less likely than the others so idk

What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh.....i mean i've been told that my characterization is good? like, ppl being able to picture the actual characters when they're reading n stuff, so that's nice. and i could write introspection forever, u don't even know man, i get in the zone. i love getting in a character's head and picking apart their emotional state

What are your writing weaknesses?

writing dialogue really trips me up because i get picky about word choice lmao. i can be writing uninterrupted for twenty minutes cuz it's all a character's inner monologue but the second they gotta speak out loud im sittin there like ok what words sound natural and how much would they be willing to say etc. etc. suddenly it's an hour later and i've written three lines of dialogue. plus i tend to edit as i go so i'm always stopping and going back and rewriting stuff instead of just finishing the damn story

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts head empty

lmao for real tho idk? i mean there's that one trope, when someone says nice stuff in a language the other person doesn't speak because they're pining and not sure if they're allowed to say it outright, that shit's cute. im sure all the google translated dialogue has been annoyin as shit for native speakers lmfao but yeah

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

probably harry potter but i literally have no idea. i started writing fic in my early teens and that time of my life is a big fuckin blur lmao

What's your favourite fic you've written?

ngl i think my fav fic is one of the multi-chapter wips i haven't published lmao

BUT. if i gotta pick something yall have read, this one. just a lil guy. plant dad billy and domesticity. it's cute and i like it. maybe also this fic that i wrote for valentine's day. i wrote basically the whole thing in one day and i was really proud of myself lmao, and i just really like headcanoning backstory for billy & that fic is rly just about him growing up, so

tagging @rvspberryjvm @wingedbears @paperbodiesamongthestars @platypan

if yall wanna! 💕

[gignikinszz]

tagged by @artemisthehuntress ty for the tag!! <33

how many works do you have on ao3? 15 !! that is a lot !!

what's your total ao3 word count? 109034 waiT what the fucK—

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? i've only ever written for star wars :))

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. so i can feel your arms around me

2. helping hands & misunderstood plans

3. home, again

4. 12 years and one halloween party later

5. (at least i got you) in my head

do you respond to comments, why or why not? i do!! it just feels good to take time to reply to people who have taken the time to read & write nice things about my fics :))

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? definitely tonight i'm catching the feeling but i wrote a sequel to that that alleviates the Pain so i'm not sure if it should really count

do you write crossovers? if so, what's the craziest one you've written? i do not!! my mind put all the little people in their respective boxes and will not set them free!!!

have you ever recieved hate on a fic? nope! :))

do you write smut? if so what kind? skakdksd honestly i don't even usually read smut..... if i Do write something on the smuttier side, it'll be pretty blurred over

have you ever had a fic stolen? nope :))

have you ever had a fic translated? also nope !!

what's your all time favorite ship? oh god i uh uhmmmmmmm i literally don't know i have no fuckign clue,,, if i am being Made to pick i guess i'd say obikin bc that's the only one i've ever actively written and published fic for lmfao

what's a WIP that you want to finish but probably never will? i uh. i started writing a bachelor au over the summer (the reality tv show, yes) because i think i could make that really fucking funny, but uh. unfortunately i ran out of time and will to put the show itself on as background noise LMFAOKFSJKLD

what are your writing strengths? i'm the funniest person alive, and lately i think i've been improving at writing emotion as well !!

what are your writing weaknesses? i am Not Great at action sequences lmfao

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i think that if the author can do it well, it's great!!

what was the first fandom you wrote for? star wars is the first one i ever like,, sat down and wrote a fic for. i remember VIVIDLY that it was after i read Parrots, Parkour, Pirates, Punk, and Perfect Strangers by @twilightofthe (absolute 100/10 read i would recommend so hard) and i was just absolutely inspired and then proceeded to spend my first semester of college doing nothing but Writing Fic asdjlfsdsfn

what's your favorite fic that you've written? i love All of my fic children but the one that i'm most proud of is (oh, my) what a marvelous tune. i've never written 30k of one fic before and i probably never will again, and honestly? i think d*sney should PAY me for my service to high school musical

tagging: anyone who wants to !!! :)) <33

[idlecreature]

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?” 

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?” 

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold. 

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen. 

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’) 

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!