#Vladislav the poker x reader

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vladislav’s Fluff alphabet

Original template by @eekshade

Requested by @rthounasty (you’re right, Vlad deserves more love)

Warnings: Occasionally vulgar language

Author’s note: The reader will be human here. The whole fucking edited draft of this got deleted bc of my bad WiFi and I had to redo it… Perks of living in a shit hole ig.

_____________________________________________

Admiration. (what do they admire about their S/O)

Vladislav admires the fact, that you see him for what he is. You’re not intimidated by his past or reputation and he doesn’t have to keep up this front around you, because you see him right through and it is such a peculiar feeling to have someone who loves him for him.

Boldness. (how bold are they in regard to their S/O? who confessed first?)

Funnily enough, I feel like you would be the one to confess first. He is a very proud vampire and the thought of a rejection subconsciously scares him way too much to hit it off with you. But after you two are already dating, he’ll be the more bold/initiative one.

Comfort. (how do they comfort their S/O?)

Vlad is very observant. Much more observant than you think. Even if you try to hide it, he always notices when you’re down and starts a conversation with you. Usually on some random unrelated theme, but it slowly gets you to open up and talking about what’s got you so bothered. He’ll just listen and let you get it out of the system.

Dates. (do they prefer going out or staying in? do they prefer fancy or simple?)

Staying in is a more plausible option in Vlad’s eyes, because you get to relax in privacy together. In public, there is still some level of discomfort that might prevent you from being that affectionate together or having deep personal conversations. Usually you go out on the town, if some of your/Vlad’s friends call you along.

Equal. (are they more dominant or passive?)

Once he really gets comfortable within your relationship, he starts taking initiative and mostly volunteers to make the decisions. However, if you have a more persuasive type of character he’ll probably slow down a bit. It is quite refreshing for him to not have any competitiveness in a relationship.

Family. (do they want to start a family?)

I think, that if you don’t initiate this yourself, it wouldn’t be in his plans. Children are quite complicated creatures and he’s not sure, if he’s cut out to handle one, especially considering that the child in question will be from a completely different world, that he struggles to understand. But if you end up raising a child together, he turns out to be more than a decent father figure.

Goofy. (how serious are they when it comes to a relationship?)

Vlad takes your relationship very seriously. He has rather clear intentions on one day making you a vampire and living together forever. But that doesn’t mean he’s constantly dwelling on it. The best part of having a partner is getting to be laid back and genuinely unwind.

Hugs. (how do they hug?)

Two words: bear hugs. He straight up scoops you up and squeezes the last breath out of your lungs in the most affectionate way possible. Sometimes you have to remind him to be gentler, because he legitimately can crush your ribcage (he won’t though, I promise).

Interests. (what Interests do they want to share with their S/O)

You really inspire Vlad to create. He already creates a lot, but after you appeared, his amount of poetry/art done almost doubled. He doesn’t show you everything he makes. Instead he carefully picks out the best works to present. The other “rejects” will forever stay swept under his coffin or tucked away somewhere in a cupboard.

Jealousy. (do they get jealous?)

Vlad can’t help, but sometimes view your friends as potential rivals. These are just intrusive thoughts, that can never leave his head, even though he knows it’s stupid. He never acts on them, to be sure. But just the feeling itself is very unpleasant to him.

Kiss. (how they kiss/favorite place to be kissed, and vise versa.)

Vlad loves neck/shoulder kisses both on the giving and the receiving end. He finds these especially romantic and intimate. To him, the fact that you let him kiss your neck really shows how much you trust Vladislav to not hurt you. Also, I have to mention that Vlad is probably the best kisser ever, since he had a lot of time to practice.

Love Language.

Quality time is definitely Vlad’s main love language. Nothing shows his love and devotion more than just sitting together for hours and talking about anything and everything. Sometimes you don’t even have to talk. Even being together in one room, being close to each other, it means so much to both of you.

Meals. (kitchen dynamics.)

Vladislav doesn’t cook, obviously, but he’s willing to try for you. He might cook something in your kitchen, using some old recipe he found in Viago’s library and it’s probably going to taste absolutely inedible, but it’s the thought that counts, right? But honestly, with time he actually gets really good and can cook a legitimately tasty meal for you.

Nicknames. (what do they call their S/O?)

He is very straightforward in that way, I think. He either just calls you by your actual name or “My Love” / “Dragostea mea”. He might occasionally use some other pet names like “Darling” / “Lubi”. But overall, sticks to the classics.

Openness. (how open are they about their past/emotions with their S/O?)

Vlad takes his time with opening up to you. He slowly shares random snippets of his thoughts and watches how you react to them. When he knows you well enough, he’ll be completely transparent about his present and past experiences/feelings.

PDA.

He is rather hesitant with public affection. To him this sort of stuff is private, not something to be shared with the world. But simple gestures like holding hands or leaning into each other are totally okay with him.

Quarrel. (how they apologize/ how long it takes them to forgive their S/O?)

It all depends on you. Vladislav is a very proud vampire and even if he knows, that he’s in the wrong, it takes him a while to apologise. If you give him time, he will come around to it on his own, but if you confront him about it really speeds up the process. He doesn’t really hold grudges on you for mundane arguments and forgives you easily.

Rules. (boundaries they have.)

No violence. He’s got enough of that in both his normal and romantic life and he’s sick and tired. Vlad just wants something sweet and peaceful for once and having these aggressive outbursts is the exact opposite of his ideal relationship.

Security. (how protective they are of their S/O.)

Vladislav seems to be a bit more on edge when you are around people he doesn’t know. Even if they are your friends, it takes a while to get him to trust them. He remains very vigilant and observant, as if he’s expecting some kind of a catch. This tension disappears after a bit of time spent with the new people.

Time. (how long does it take to fall for their S/О?)

Vladislav is all about slow burn, I think. Only after he truly gets to know you close he starts to develop romantic feelings. It’s the little parts of your personality that are hidden from most people that really make you special to him and Vlad wants to have this personal connection, before a romantic one.

Upset (what things upset them in a relationship?)

He is really upset, if you are afraid of him. Of course, you’re not terrified. Otherwise you two definitely wouldn’t date. But if you flinch when he gets close to your neck or fidget uncomfortably at the sight of his fangs it makes Vladislav so angry about his own nature. He really wishes he could be human sometimes.

Vacation. (what kind of traveler are they with their S/O?)

Vlad is pretty spontaneous with this sort of stuff. One day he may just wake you up and say you’re going to Transylvania with zero explanation. He does prepare himself for travelling somewhere he has never been before, but it’s usually done by reading books with very very very outdated information, so please do your research too. Don’t let him plan the whole thing by himself.

Words. (promises they make to their S/O.)

He promised to keep you safe. Vladislav has lost way too many close people throughout his existence and he’s not about to let you be one of them. The world is full of dangers both for the living and the undead and if he can provide you any sense of security, he will.

Xenial. (how they make you feel welcome/what makes them feel welcome?)

Every time you walk into the room, you are greeted with this signature toothy grin of his, that just can’t not make your heart swell with warmth. Such a small gesture, but really shows Vlad’s true feelings towards you. And when you reach out to hug him anytime he’s close enough to you to do so, it makes him feel like the most important person in the world.

Yearning. (do they miss their S/O easily? what do they do about it?)

He doesn’t look like someone, who gets separation anxiety… but he does get it. He doesn’t like to be away from you for too long, because it makes him feel lonesome. Sure, his flatmates are still there and that is great, but it’s just not the same feeling. He knows it’s not entirely healthy, but what can you do?

Zzz. (sleeping habits/how they cuddle.)

Vladislav likes, when you lay on top of him. He sleeps in a rather straight position, so he’s stable enough to use him as a second mattress and he just enjoys your weight on top of his chest. It calms him to feel your presence so apparently. If you get cold from his body temperature, he first lays a blanket over himself, then you go on top.

[sillyreve]

What the characters of What We Do In The Shadows do if you play with their hair HCs

. . .

Nadja

• she definitely has a love hate relationship to people touching her hair

• shes very picky as to who can touch her hair, when they can touch her hair and where they can touch her hair !!!

• first ask permission !!! she will not mind if her hair is wavy or semi straight, but DO NOT TOUCH her hair if it is curly or crimped

• sometimes you can surprise her by massaging her head when shes tired or stressed, she wont get upset if you didnt ask permission first as she is too drained to care and too much in the moment of enjoying your fingers at her scalp

• her favorite thing is when shes tired and shes laid out on yours and laszlos laps, your fingers working at her scalp and his hands working at whatever tense muscle is in her body

• if you are her familiar, you will have to have a very special bond with her before she will let you touch her at all

• but if you do have a special bond with her, she will gladly accept a free hair brushing service, and let you pick her hairstyle for the day

The Guide

• will absolutely give you every bit of her attention if you suggest playing with her hair

• she rarely takes off her hat, but she will definitely take her hats off if you ever want to play with her hair

• they almost purr whenever you touch their hair, she loves it so much, to be with you and have your attention on her ... ♡

• unlike nadja, guide doesnt care when you play with her hair, or what texture her hair is !!! please, play with her hair whenever

• there are times where she will slip unconscious accidently when you are massaging her scalp, shes always so busy that even a small quiet intimate moment like this will have her instantly relax

Laszlo

• hed act like he would have much better things to be doing than to sit in front of you and let you mess with his hair

• but he does enjoy it when hes upset after a house fight, the house is quiet and you curling your fingers through his hair makes him feel peaceful

• he would close his eyes and all you would bear is the habit of his breathing and the fireplace crackling

• like nadja, he cares when his hair is being played with !!!

• he enjoys it when you play with his hair alone with one another, but hes not quite fond of his hair being olayed with in public

• if you want to surprise him like nadja, gently pull his hair into a small bun whilst he is writing, and he will hum at you in gentle happiness

• appreciating that you care for him after seeing him struggling with his hair pooling into his face as he leans into his papers

Vladislav

• ugh he loves it so much it makes him feel so loved

• ever since the first time you asked him if you could play with his hair, he has always gone to you to do his hair for anything

• if you do his hair for an event and people compliment it, he gets so giddy and tells them how his " darling y/n" did his hair for him

• he feels so comfortable in his coffin with you snuggled up into his chest and playing with a piece of his wavy hair

• the fact you make a vampiric 700+ year old killer feel so precious really says something !!!

• hair pulling kink

Viago

• ^__^ please !!!

• he will obediently sit down in front of you and put his hands in his lap if you even hint at playing with his hair

• one of his love languages is physical touch, receiving or giving, he will always be up for his hair being played with, or playing with your hair

• he will always keep a conversation going while you do anything to his hair, he loves knowing that you are the one playing with his hair

• his natural childish charm comes out if you decide to joke with him, and mess up his hair

• he cannot see himself or what his hair looks like, but he will always praise your work no matter what

Deacon

• please do not touch his hair, hes spent so much time styling it

• he has this annoying habit of just wanting to always look good, and he usually never takes anyones advice on how to look good, so hes very picky and annoying when someone touches his hair

• even when hes too drained to care for anything, he will simply groan in frustration if you touch his hair

• and if youre aggressive with his hair when youve managed to touch it? he will definitely fuss over it and will not speak to you for a couple of hours

• but its ok for him to touch your hair he decided so be aware of him at all times or he might ruffle your hair and laugh at you

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Being A Human And Being Friends With Viago, Vladislav, Deacon, Jackie, Nick and Stu

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Viago Heimburg x gn!human!reader (platonic), Vladislav the Poker x gn!human!reader (platonic), Deacon Brücke x gn!human!reader (platonic), Nick x gn!human!reader (platonic), Stu x gn!human!reader (platonic), Jackie x gn!human!reader (platonic)

Warnings: Just typical vampire stuff. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I’ve really been enjoying writing platonic stuff lately, not that I don’t like writing romantic stuff. Incidentally, I finally got around to watching the WWDITS movie, and it now lives rent-free in my brain. So, instead of getting any of my incredibly old requests done, I decided to write this.)

You’d join the friend group because of Viago.

You were supposed to be one of his meals, but he grew so fond of you during the evening that he couldn’t bring himself to feast on you.

When he invites you over to hang out again, he confesses beforehand that him and his flatmates are vampires, which (somehow) doesn’t deter you.

You probably don’t find out that he was going to eat you, at least not for a few years.

He also orders his flatmates not to harm you.

Of course, they’re hesitant about trying to be your friend and dismissive of his plea at first.

However, you manage to win over Vlad and Deacon when the three of them take you on a night out.

They’ll treat you like one of them quite quickly, and sometimes they’ll forget that you’re a human.

They’ll gladly teach you about everything and anything paranormal.

They’d probably consider it ‘cute’ how 'simple’ you are.

On that note, I can imagine the vampires inadvertently insulting and patronising you a lot because of your humanity.

Like, they’d say something about you being a weak, pathetic human or something along those lines, and citing that as a reason why they have to take ‘extra good care of you’, as Viago would (very sweetly) say.

They’re surprisingly considerate of you and your human needs, though.

You wanna grab something to eat?

They’ll sit there while you eat your human food of choice, chatting until you’re done.

Sometimes, Deacon will get Jackie to get you your ‘human things’ (though you often protest and overrule him).

If Jackie does end up going out and getting you something, though, you’ll make sure to do her a favour in return (such as helping her with her familiar duties or babysitting her kids).

After she becomes a vampire, you’ll definitely become better friends (since, before, you would have been more her master’s friend).

She’ll like you already because of your kindness towards her when she was a familiar.

You’re also very helpful when it comes to the vampires’ chores.

Well, you tend to help out Deacon more often than Viago or Vlad.

You’d probably help Deacon clean the bloody dishes for the first time in five years, though Viago and Vlad would try to insist that you shouldn’t be helping him.

They’re cool with you crashing at their apartment whenever.

When Nick joins your group, Viago makes it immediately known to him that you’re their friend, not food (something he probably only remembers to bring up when Nick’s about to bite into your neck.

When Stu joins your group, you feel a kind of immediate connection to him, since you’re both humans.

Stu probably thinks you’re kind of odd at first, because you seem so acclimated to this supernatural thing despite being human.

However, he quickly becomes as acclimated to everything as you, since he rarely seems overly bothered by the whole supernatural thing.

The vampires are quite protective of you and Stu, especially around other creatures.

If you ever have someone that you dislike, the vampires (especially Vlad, Deacon and possibly even Nick) would casually offer to kill them for you.

They’d definitely offer to turn you into a vampire every now and then (much to pre-bite Jackie’s chagrin).

If you wanted to become a vampire, they’d more than happily turn you.

If not, though, they’re just happy to have their ‘cool little human friend’.

[littleoddwriter]

can anything about Vladislav(What we do in the shadow) X small reader?😫🙏🙏💓

Vladislav the Poker x Small!GenderNeutral!Reader | Headcanons

Hi there! Thanks for the request, I hope you like these! :')

notes; Gender Neutral!Reader; Small!Reader; Teasing; Fluff.

Loves to just scoop you up into his arms and carry you around. It makes him feel a lot of great things when he does it; especially if you playfully protest and challenge him into doing things, almost like tricks. But you two also use those moments to kiss without anyone's back or neck hurting from it.

You're like a kitten to him. Small and dainty. Someone to be careful around, considering his strength. He even calls you 'kitten' affectionately all the time, but also to tease you when you're annoyed with him.

Makes a lot of jokes about you being shorter than everybody around you. He's super dead-pan about it, but it's all light-hearted and never meant to hurt you, so if you tell him to stop and you mean it, he will.

If anyone else makes those jokes he'll bite their head off, though. Only he's allowed to do that because of boyfriend privileges.

Definitely protective of you, evidently, and he does everything in his power to keep you safe at all times. Anyone and anything could fight him, for as long as you're out of danger. (Not just because you're small, but generally, too.)

[angelofthenight]

Viago: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the streets.

You: I took a cab home.

Viago: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

-

Vladislav: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the streets.

You: I took a cab home.

Vladislav: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

-

Deacon: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the streets.

You: I took a cab home.

Deacon: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

[autumnwander]

I want to write a Vladislav x Reader fic, but I need to come up with an idea of what it should be about.

[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 22

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows 

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: E

Word Count: 4028 (She’s twice as long as most of my chapters, but that’s a low bar, so who cares?)

Chapter Summary: Vladislav and Reader go on a first date, complete with hiking, fireworks, and stargazing. Sometimes, he’s romantic like that.

A/N: Never hike in the dark. Never run on a hiking trail. Always wear appropriate footwear when hiking. If you break these rules, you will break your ankle, and also you will break your pride. As per usual, this is on AO3.

You stood in front of the mirror, your hair and makeup flawless. At least, as flawless as you were capable of doing by yourself. Still, you’d count that as a win. You turned to face the bed where your clothes were laid out, and let the bathrobe fall to the ground. You’d showered today, despite your bath last night. You’d wanted to shave, though you consciously avoided thinking about why.

On the bed lay your favorite black dress, the one you always wear. You fought back a crisis of nerves while looking at it. He’d seen you wear it a million times, give or take. Maybe you should have gone out and bought a new dress today…? Well, it was too late now, and that dress was your go-to for a reason. On the floor beside the bed were the matching shoes. Laid out next to the dress was a set of matching undergarments. You’d also decided not to think about your rationale behind that, either.

You pulled on the clothes and shoes, but still felt naked. You glanced over to your silver cross necklace, sitting on top of your bedside table. You’d made the decision not to wear it tonight. You wouldn’t needing, and you wouldn’t even be able to take it out in front of Vladislav without affecting him, too. Still, even despite your encounter with the vampire that tried to kill you, you felt incomplete when not wearing it.

You checked yourself out in the mirror, dressed and made up and ready to go. Okay, you looked good. Thankfully.

In your enthusiasm (and anxiety), you’d started getting ready too early. Now, you were prepared to leave, and the sun had set only minutes ago. Vladislav probably wasn’t even awake yet. Swiping your book from its resting place on your bed, you trotted downstairs, resigning yourself to waiting on the couch.

You passed Viago on the stairs, and he gave you a not-so-subtle conspiratorial wink, saying, “You look very nice tonight, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Viago.”

“Deacon and I are helping Vlad get ready. We’ll try not to take too long.” He threw you another cheesy wink and you good-naturedly rolled your eyes.

Your eyes scanned the letters in the book, and your fingers turned the pages, but your brain didn’t absorb any of the words. Instead, you were straining your ears, trying, and failing, to hear anything from your flatmates upstairs.

You were excited. Of course you were excited. But you were nervous. Wary, even. Hadn’t Vladislav just been telling the other guys he wasn’t interested in you? And how interested in him were you, really? What if he wanted something serious? What if he didn’t want something serious? What is it that you, yourself, wanted? You were attracted to him, yes. You’d finally come around to that. But what if-

Calm down, Y/N. It’s just a first date. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Don’t get yourself worked up.

You shut the book as you finally heard voices upstairs, walking down the hall and coming towards you. This was it.

Deacon came down first, well ahead of Viago and Vladislav. He saw you sitting on the couch, made a point of looking you up and down, and said, “The black dress again?”

You felt panic rising within you yet again. “Should I have bought another dress? I almost did!”

Deacon laughed, taking the seat beside you. “No. It’s nice. It makes you look wanton, but not too wanton.”

You gaped at him. “I’m sorry, ‘wanton?’”

Before he could respond, Viago and Vladislav came down the stairs and into the lounge. Vladislav also looked much as he always did, thankfully, and was not wearing one of his ‘going out’ ensembles. He wore his usual dark pants, shirt, and suspenders. As always, his shirt was open much too low and you had to force yourself not to stare.

He looked good.

“Are you ready to go?” Vladislav asked you.

You nodded, picking up your bag, and meeting him at the doorway. “Let’s go.”

He held the door open for you, and shut it behind you both as you headed left down the sidewalk.

“Where are you going?”

You turned around to find him still standing in front of the house, staring at you, a small smirk on his face.

“The bus stop?” You gestured vaguely towards it.

“We’re walking.” He tossed his head to right, up the sidewalk in the opposite direction from the bus stop. “Unless you’d rather take the bus?”

“No!” you quickly assured him, rushing back up the street to join him. “I’d enjoy walking.”

“Good. I figured it’s still early. We have time to get to the harbor before the fireworks start.”

You gave him a small smile as you both started walking, side by side, towards the harbor. You walked in amicable silence, but your heart was beating uncontrollably quickly. What were you supposed to say? You’d never done this before. Every other first date you’d been on had been with someone who was more or less a stranger. Vladislav was your flatmate, your friend.

This was uncharted territory.

“Breathe, Y/N.”

“What?”

“Calm down,” he said. “I can hear your heartbeat racing.”

Oh, god. That didn’t bode well for you, overall.

“Sorry,” you said.

“Don’t apologize. Is that a good racing or a bad racing?”

You decided to respond honestly. “Both?”

“Ah. That’s the second to last thing I wanted to hear,” he teased.

You laughed. You felt your pulse returning to normal.

“What’s the bad racing from, then?”

“It’s not bad, bad. Just nerves, really. I’ve never really done this before.” Catching the look he was throwing you, you quickly amended, “I mean I’ve done this before, obviously, just never with someone I already knew. I feel like none of the first date small talk applies.”

He smiled gently. “Like what?”

“Like the getting to know you questions. What do you do? Where are you from? How many siblings do you have? What’s your favorite color? That sort of stuff.”

He laughed. Loudly. Warmly. The sound made you almost lightheaded. You found that you smiled, in spite of yourself.

“And those are all things you know about me already?” he asked, still grinning. “Not one of those questions apply?”

Your smile fell and a look of puzzlement took its place. You knew Vladislav. You lived with Vladislav. You were friends. You spoke every single night. But, now that he had called you on it, you realized you didn’t know all that much about him.

“Uhh…” you fumbled for your words. “Your favorite color is black?”

He drew one eyebrow up, his mustache twitching with a smile. “Are you sure?”

“Yes?”

He laughed again. You could practically feel the air around you vibrate with it. You could get drunk off that laugh.

“It’s red actually.”

“Red?” you asked, surprised. “Really?”

“Sure. It’s a very intense, passionate color. I like that.”

You supposed that made sense.

“Okay, then, where are you from?”

“Eastern Europe.”

Now it was your turn to laugh. “Yeah, I gathered that. Care to be more specific?”

Vladislav shrugged. “Countries’ borders are constantly being redrawn. Especially in Europe. I moved around a fair bit, too. My parents sold me to a circus troupe when I was a boy.”

You exhaled a small laugh before catching his gaze. Oh. He wasn’t kidding.

“I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

He brushed off your concern. “It’s fine. I don’t remember too much of my human life. It was so long ago. From what I remember of traveling with the troupe, I mostly enjoyed it.”

Still. Wow.

“Why did you decide to come to New Zealand?”

He sighed heavily. “I killed another vampire. That’s a pretty big deal,” he told you. You probably could have guessed that much. “Vampires are usually sentenced to death for killing other vampires.”

A pause.

“Am I allowed to ask why you killed this other vampire?”

“He was a rival vampire. He stole my schtick and all but stole my name, and he purposely benefitted from my reputation. He refused to back down. It was hundreds of years of bullshit until we dueled and I killed him.”

“Your ‘schtick?’”

“You know how I’m Vladislav the Poker?”

“It’s come up, yeah.”

“That’s because I’m known for torturing people. And my thing was poking people with implements.”

“Like stabbing people?” you asked before your brain could really register what he was saying. When your brain did finally catch up, you interrupted yourself, exclaiming, “Wait, torturing people? You torture people?”

“Yes. Well, not so much anymore. I still have the torture chamber, though.”

“You have an entire torture chamber?”

“Yes? In the hallway that leads to Petyr’s room.” He looked at you, bewildered, as if you should have known that no house was complete without a functioning torture chamber.

“In our house! There’s a torture chamber in our house?!” you exclaimed.

“Yes, Y/N. Please, say it louder for everyone to hear.”

“Sorry,” you said at a much lower volume, though you weren’t that sorry.

“I thought you knew that.”

You weren’t sure if he was referring to his international repute as a torturer or the special little man cave he had in your own home devoted to such proclivities, but either way you were shocked.

“I though it was a storage closet,” you admitted.

“Uhh… no.”

“Okay, well, anyway, you killed another vampire and weren’t sentenced to death, yourself…?”

“Yes. Well, he wasn’t well-liked, so I was kicked out of Europe instead of killed. It was for the best, anyway. I was going through some shit with an ex-girlfr-“ he stopped in the middle of the word, probably realizing he shouldn’t be talking about his ex on a first date. You let the moment pass, though, and he awkwardly cleared his throat before continuing. “I had some friends in New Zealand at the time, so I moved down to Wellington and I’ve been here ever since.”

“So this rival vampire, anyone I would’ve heard of?” you teased.

“No,” he said flatly, not matching your teasing tone. This rival must still be a sore spot, all these years later. You made a mental note not to bring it up again. “When I killed Vlad the Impaler, I wiped his name from history.”

You sucked in a surprised gasp upon, obviously, recognizing the name. But you ended up inhaling your own saliva, and breaking into a very unattractive coughing fit. Hacking, gasping, tearing up, the whole nine. Vladislav comfortingly rubbed your back as you recovered.

“Are you alright?” he asked once you’d finally recovered.

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. Eventually, while wiping any smeared makeup from under your eyes, you said, “I’m okay, thanks. Sorry.” You decided not to clarify that you, and pretty much every other human alive today had at least heard of Vlad the Impaler, while no one had heard of the ‘infamous’ Vlad the Poker. Best to just let him have this one.

As you approached the harbor, you could see plenty of people already sitting on the beach, atop their blankets, towels, and folding chairs, ready to watch the fireworks. You realized neither you nor he had brought anything to sit on. Before you could stress about it, though, he led you past the crowds and up to the ferry.

“I’m sorry, sir, we’re all sold out,” the attendant told him, not even bothering to look up from his phone.

In response, Vladislav reached into his pocket and pulled out two tickets for the next ferry. He’d bought them in advance, you realized with a rush of giddiness. He’d thought out the evening. The two of you boarded the ferry just minutes before it pulled away from the dock, and Vladislav pulled you by the hand to the right side of the boat.

“The fireworks are about to start. We can see them better from this side.”

As if on cue, the first fireworks lit up the sky, and the two of you stayed silent, unable to hear each other speak over the cracks and booms of the explosives. You took a half step closer to him, watching the reflection of the fireworks in the dark water of the harbor. He didn’t move away.

Eventually, when the ferry had moved far enough from the fireworks, so that they could be seen, but weren’t so deafening as to prevent conversation, Vladislav turned around, facing into the boat, and spread his arms out on the railing to lean against it. His left arm crossed in front of your body, and his hand almost touching yours. He was so close that if you took a single step sideways, he’d be fully in front of you.

Looking down at you he asked, “Enjoying the fireworks?”

You looked away from his face and back towards the fireworks bursting over the water, and the receding, twinkling lights of the city as you continued away from the shoreline. “It’s a stunning view.”

“It really is.” You glanced up at him, to find his eyes locked on you, not the lights.

The line was cheesy. It was so cheesy.

It was so cheesy.

It was so cheesy.

Maybe, if you kept telling yourself that, the butterflies in your stomach would stop.

They refused to stop, though, so you smiled and shyly looked down. His left hand was dangerously close to yours. You moved your hand closer, taking your forefinger, and tracing the pattern of the ring on his pinky. You glanced up to make sure your action was okay, not too intimate. He still stared down at you, with that same small smile on his face, so you turned your face back down to your hands and continued your ministrations.

“I like your ring,” you told him.

“Thank you.” His voice was lower, softer. You almost missed the words.

It suddenly felt like so much, too much, and you were relieved when he gently extricated his hand from yours and turned around, leaning over the railing to once again admire the fireworks. As their colored lights illuminated the night sky, you looked around the harbor, and realized where you were going.

“Is this the Matiu Island ferry?”

Vladislav nodded in affirmation.

“I didn’t think the island was open this late.”

“It usually isn’t,” he confirmed. “But they make exceptions for some of the city-wide events.”

“Oh,” you said.

“But the whole island isn’t open. Just the beach. We’re going to have to sneak past the employees.”

If he was joking, he certainly didn’t let on. Still, a vampire on your side couldn’t hurt your ability to sneak, and if he was serious, you were game to try.

The ferry approached the island just as the fireworks were hitting their finale. You, Vladislav, and most of the other passengers on the boat stayed put as they finished, and the last lingering impressions of the show faded from the dark sky. Eventually, everyone streamed off of the boat and onto the beach. Apparently, there were activities set up for the after-hours version of the island.

As everyone walked towards the events, and the employees handing out water and snacks, Vladislav grabbed your hand and pulled you in the opposite direction. You headed towards the trailheads, manned by a single employee, very clearly there to keep visitors on the beach where they belonged. As it turned out, there was very little sneaking required of you, as Vladislav brazenly hypnotized the young man into letting both of you pass.

The two of you disappeared into the bush, following the barely visibly trail in the dark. You probably should feel foolish, traipsing through the bush in your favorite little black dress and matching shoes, neither of which were remotely suitable for hiking. Instead, you felt nearly high. Vladislav still had your hand, pulling you along. It was quiet, conspiratorial. Intimate, almost.

You weren’t sure whether or not it was necessary, but you kept silent until you were certain you were out of earshot of the hypnotized man. When you decided you were probably far enough into the bush, you asked, albeit softly, where you were going.

“There’s a spot I know, at the top of the island. It’s perfect for stargazing.”

You felt goosebumps rise on your arms, though you weren’t sure how much that could be attributed to the chilly night air.

Eventually, Vladislav stopped. In the darkness, you barely avoided running into him before your eyes registered him stopped there in front of you.

“Why’d we stop?” Again, it was whispered. You feared that speaking too loudly would shatter… you didn’t know what exactly, but you definitely didn’t want it shattered.

“We’re venturing off-trail, here. Is that okay? Are your shoes okay for all this walking?”

You smiled at the concern in his voice. “I’ll be fine. Maybe we could slow down a little, though? Since we’re headed off-trail?”

He nodded as he lead you into the thick brush off the trail. Your route steepened significantly, and it felt more like you were climbing than walking for a while. Eventually, though, the hill leveled out, and you cleared the trees and scrub to enter into a small, grassy clearing. It overlooked the beach and the harbor, and you could see the lights of Wellington on the shore. It was gorgeous.

“You alright?” he asked. Out of the dense brush, and in the open, you could finally see him clearly again. “Caught your breath?”

You nodded, despite the fact that, no, you had not yet caught your breath.

“Come sit down,” he told you.

He moved with a supernatural, vampiric speed, and so to your eyes, he more or less appeared laying on the grass, hands folded behind his head. Though stunned for a moment, you quickly recovered, and moved to lay beside him. You slid closer to him, not quite touching, but hardly more than a hair’s breadth away.

The stars above you twinkled beautifully, and more numerous than you often saw in the city. The crescent moon shone brightly, and you took out your phone, zoomed in, and snapped a quick photo. The stars didn’t show up, but the moon looked better than you could have hoped for a phone picture, so you quickly saved the image and tucked the phone away again, returning your gaze to the view above you.

“Gorgeous,” you breathed.

“Very.” This time he was actually looking at the stars.

“Do you come here a lot?”

He nodded. “Yes, actually. I like to come out here to be alone.”

“How do you get out here if the island is usually closed at night?”

“I fly.”

Flying. Right. Of course. Ask a silly question…

“Thank you for sharing it with me,” you told him. You felt honored that he was willing to bring you somewhere special to him. “It’s beautiful here.”

You stared at the stars, following the occasional wandering satellite with your eyes. At one point, a cool breeze blew through, and you shivered. Vladislav sidled up to you, and managed to slide one of his arms under your head. He didn’t produce any body heat, but he did insulate you from the cold air. You leaned into him.

For warmth.

“Better?” His voice was low, calming, warm. You could feel the word exhaled onto your skin.

You hummed in contented affirmation.

“Good.”

“So,” you began, angling your face so that you were looking in his direction. Your noses were almost touching, but you willed yourself not to pull away. It was nice, really. “What made you decide to ask me out?”

“Why?” he asked, so quietly, so closely, a teasing smile forming in his eyes. “Are you not having a nice time?”

You matched his smile and tone. “I’m having a very nice time, actually.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“But, I did hear you telling Viago and Deacon the other day that you definitely weren’t interested in me, so this is a bit of a left turn.”

He sighed. “Ah.”

“Ah,” you echoed, though still smiling. “That obviously wasn’t true, though?”

“Obviously.” You could see his eyes twinkling in the starlight.

After a period of silence, you finally said, “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he began, his face still inches from yours. “I don’t want to get into it, but I haven’t actually dated in while. Not since I went through a bad breakup a few years ago.”

You had gathered that ‘a few years’ really wasn’t that long to a vampire, but still. Was he scared of getting hurt?

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

Each time he spoke, the air he exhaled wafted over you. It smelled sweet, surprisingly. You couldn’t remember ever finding the scent of somebody’s breath so pleasant. You stared into his hazel eyes, glancing briefly down to his lips, which were framed by his facial hair and looking surprisingly soft.

And somehow, suddenly, his lips were on yours.

The first sensation you registered was that of his facial hair, coarse against your skin. Immediately after, your brain latched onto the feeling of his lips moving against yours, just as soft as they looked. And after what felt like forever, but may have been less than a second, you began moving your lips against his.

When he felt your active participation, he grew bolder, kissing you harder, and rolling you onto your back so that his face was above yours. You felt his weight on top of you. Not heavy, but comfortably pinning you to the ground. His hair fell to frame both of your faces, softly brushing against your cheeks.

As he grew bolder, so did you, and you parted your lips to brush your tongue against him, silently asking for entry. He obliged, and your tongue plunged into his mouth, relishing the sharp sensation of his fangs, and exploring the gap between his front teeth. Your exploration didn’t last long, though, before his tongue surged into your own mouth, and one of his hands rose to tangle in your hair, pulling it slightly.

Oh.

He was incredibly good at this. Unbelievably good at this.

You felt a firm pressure between your legs, and moaned into his mouth when you realized he’d brought his knee up to press against you. If you’d bucked once against it, you could hardly be blamed.

Lightheaded.

Woah, you were lightheaded.

You eventually broke away from him, and sucked in the cool night air. Vladislav pulled himself back, sitting up rather than lying back down, and gave you a little room to breathe and collect yourself.

He looked at you with a small smirk, incredibly smug. It made you angry how well-deserved that look truly was.

“What was that for?” you asked him when you’d finally caught your breath.

“You looked like you wanted it.”

You leaned forward to playfully smack his arm. Maybe Deacon was right when he said the dress made you look wanton, but you were willing to venture a guess that the dress had little to do with any wanton vibes you were putting out.

As you moved back towards Vladislav, you noticed a small set of lights moving across the harbor. The ferry! They’d left without you. You pointed this out to Vladislav, though he hardly seemed concerned.

“I figured we’d turn into bats and fly home,” he said stoically. “Does that not work for you?”

You bit back a smile, not wanting to encourage him.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I arranged for them to come back for us.”

“Just the two of us?”

He nodded, and you moved beside him, resting your head on his shoulder, with his arm wrapped around you and his hand settled low on your hip. The two of you stared out at the view in peaceful silence.

“This is nice,” you offered after a while.

“It is. Maybe we could do something like this again? I could take you out for dinner or something?”

Your heart swelled at the mention of a second date.

“Don’t you not eat food?”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t take you out somewhere.”

You smiled. “I’d like that.”

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons [pt.2]

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Author’s note: I love writing this shit to a very unhealthy degree. I might make a oneshots out of this later. Also does anyone know Deacon’s nationality? Some say Polish, others say German. I’m still not sure.

Also, if some of you want pt. 3, please let me know what scenarios would you want me to explore specifically, because I am running out of ideas a bit…

When you first appeared in the house, Viago found some old suitcase in the attic and proposed that you’ll sleep in it, until they get you an actual casket.

You tried it, but couldn’t really slumber because of the constant nightmares and it was too scary to open the lid, because of the sun.

So you started sharing a coffin with Viago, at least until you felt calmer.

It resulted in him sacrificing a bit of his sleep to your rather constant tossing and turning, but he quickly got used to it.

He sang you German lullabies to put you to sleep or whispered some calming affirmations (you didn’t understand a word, but it was sweet).

He found these moments so precious, that he actually got upset, when you obtained your own coffin and started sleeping separately in the attic.

Since the attic was now technically your room, Vlad, Viago and Deacon decided to help you decorate it to your liking, so you went on the town basically robbing thrift stores and supermarkets by hypnotising the cashiers.

They helped you assemble the random ikea furniture you got, even though neither of you could understand the instructions on the box.

In your free time, you’ll often find yourself hanging around in Vladislav’s room, posing for his portraits. He likes your expressiveness, it really gives his paintings the right look. And so you won’t get bored sitting there for hours, he asks you about your life before you became a vampire.

You also speak a lot of Romanian together, because Vlad wanted you to know another language, so he only communicated to you in Romanian for a while and you unwillingly started to understand it with time.

If you miss your family, he will take you to your childhood home. Of course, you can’t really interact with them anymore, but you can at least watch and it might make you feel a bit better to know they are still living a good life and that they miss you just as much.

At one point all three of them realise, that you would benefit from some friends within your age group. So they take you out to an arcade pretty early in the evening.

Unfortunately, living with ancient vampires kind of killed any chance for your social skills to develop properly, so you ended up scaring a bunch of kids and getting very upset.

To compensate for it, Deacon called you along to watch videos on the laptop, that Stu set up. You accidentally stumbled upon Bill Nye reuploads and binged them together, because you thought he’s the smartest person to ever roam the earth.

All of them have some kind of a default nickname for you. Viago calls you “Mäuschen” (little mouse), Vlad calls you very simply “Child” and to Deacon you are “Rodent”.

Stu and Nick are kind of like uncles/siblings to you. When the three have to leave somewhere, they usually leave them to babysit you. You have a lot of fun together! Since all three of you still remember what it’s like to actually be a living and breathing human, you get to talk more about recent news and events, rather than reminisce about the past.

You are also the only person in the group, who can’t really steal your clothes from victims, since neither of the vampires is very keen on killing children. Mostly, they ask their newfound werewolf friends to pick something up for you during the day or steal it themselves during the night.

Considering you can’t go to a normal school, they decided to teach you at home. Vlad teaches you literacy and art, Viago teaches you sciences and history and Deacon teaches you actually important shit like hypnotising tax collectors, draining the blood of your victims into mason jars and looking cool as fuck.

If you call Viago “dad”, he will be over the goddamn moon. It’s like he accomplished a goal he didn’t even know he set.

If you call Vladislav your dad, for a moment he would almost feel this long forgotten warmth in his chest. It’s like his heart started to beat again.

If you refer to Deacon as “dad”, he will be very startled and confused at first. It’s a weird feeling for him to have someone trust him and depend on him so much. He won’t admit it, but he really loved that emotion.

The more you are around, the more they get into being parental figures.

Tagging people who asked for part two: @italakthoughts and @rthounasty (this is a fire username btw)

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons

Author’s note: I could make a series out of this maybe. Would you guys be interested in that? Let me know.

Update: Here’s the part two and part three

When Viago found a child, freshly turned into a vampire on the side of the road in the Wellington suburbs, he knew he couldn’t just leave it there. So he did the only natural thing and brought you home.

At first, Vladislav and Deacon protested the idea firmly. A child did not belong in their household. But with enough persuasion from their favourite dandy and your puppy-dog eyes, they unenthusiastically gave in.

In the beginning, all three of them were a bit annoyed by you. As a child, you were very nosy and did a lot of things you shouldn’t, like touching their stuff, accidentally or purposely waking them up too early, making messes and all of that stuff.

But with time you learned to play by their rules and they learned to accept your premature nature.

Viago is the mom. Nobody cares for you more than him. He treats you like his own descendant and nurtures you constantly.

He makes sure you act properly with all due respect and manners.

He teaches you human anatomy and even a thing or two about hunting, though in the first few months he would just kill a victim and bring it to you.

He’s the one you come to talk to about your feelings and concerns, because you trust him to actually listen and understand.

You remind him of himself, when he was young. He had long forgotten that feeling.

Sometimes he can be a bit overbearing with his care and attempts at upbringing, but you have a very close and loving relationship.

Vladislav was the second person to slowly warm up to you.

He loved your infinite curiosity for everything he did. You soaked in knowledge like a sponge.

He read you all of his poetry (aside from the ones, which are obviously inappropriate for kids) and told you stories of his life and death.

Vlad insisted on you learning through experience, so he constantly took you out hunting. Though he was still nearby, to make sure you don’t accidentally come across any vampire slayers or get outed.

You usually come to him for advice on important matters and it flatters him way more than he likes to admit.

You made him wonder what it would’ve been like to have children of his own.

Then there was Deacon.

Your relationship was very complicated at first.

To put it simply, he ignored your existence or just dismissed it, because he was mad that the decision to let you stay here was made against his will.

He didn’t want you here.

But that all changed when you started rambling about how much you loved his knitting projects and asked him to teach you.

He liked teaching you. Not just knitting, but teaching you anything new in general.

Whatever you ask he will always answer with a smart look, even if he doesn’t know the actual answer.

He found hanging out with you much more fun, than it seemed before.

He’s like the fun parent. The one who lets you do things Viago and Vladislav would never allow.

Like jumping off some very high surface and turning into a bad seconds before hitting the ground just for the thrill of it or drinking liquor blood from people outside “Boogie Wonderland”.

He still has a bit of a protective streak, so Deacon never got you into actual real danger.

That doesn’t mean he wasn’t later scolded by the other two vampires for even making you think doing this stuff was okay.

He’s also a surprisingly good empath and always senses when you’re upset about something.

I imagine he’d do the same talk about immortality with you, that he did with Nick.

They guided you through that phase of realisation, that you will be a child for the rest of your undead existence. They helped you through your worst. Even if they weren’t really sure how to, just the fact that they tried their best was enough.

This lifestyle can be miserable and very depressing. But not with them.

With them it is never boring or dull. Even the usual routine can be brightened up by vibrant stories of the past, hobbies, that they can engage you in or a nice night out on the town.

With time, you actually start feeling, like you have a family once again.

A sincere and loving family of bloodthirsty old men.

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents [pt. 3]

[part 1] [part 2]

Requested by @italakthoughts (btw, is it pronounced like “eehtalak” or “aytalak”?)

Author’s note: There will be some angst in this part, sorry guys, couldn’t help myself. This is probably the last part of this as headcanons, but I might make a one shot later. Also, I am still open to requests, but I will be a bit slower with posting, bc college is kicking my ass so hard it’s ridiculous.

_____________________________________________

All three have their favourite game to play with you.

For Deacon it’s tag. You run around the whole house, climbing walls and ceilings, turning into bats or dogs and always trying to outsmart each other.

With all the excessive energy both of you have, this is literally the perfect activity to get you to fall asleep faster, because your tag is hardcore. A human wouldn’t stand a chance.

With Vlad it’s blind man’s buff. Because of vampire’s heightened sensitivity, this game becomes all the more challenging for the one hiding, because you have to move very smoothly and be completely silent.

Of course, Vladislav still senses where you are, but he likes to give way to you. Your happy smile whenever you win is absolutely worth it.

Viago always goes for hide and seek. At first, you weren’t a very good at it and chose the most obvious hiding places. But with time you improved to the point, where Viago sometimes legitimately wonders if he lost you.

When he can’t find you for way too long, he just gives up and asks you to come out of your hiding place.

You also do a lot of tea parties together.

Just imagine the three of them sitting at a tiny table with toy cups filled with blood.

You usually made up some kind of weird circumstances for the party. For example, you pretend that you’re aristocratic mice, who conquered a cat’s lair and now celebrate your victory with a tea party. Or you are all wives of a wealthy king and you plot his murder to share the power between the four of you.

They really get into their imaginary roles. Though sometimes this can lead to them getting a bit carried away and actually starting a fight over a fictional event.

Nick and Stu often join in as well.

You really like playing with Vlad’s hair, since he has the longest out of the three and that means you can do a lot of funny hairdos. He doesn’t really mind, as long as you’re careful to not rip anything out (it grows back very fast, but it’s still an unpleasant feeling).

Deacon often gives you piggyback rides anywhere and everywhere. You basically use him as a jungle gym and while it sometimes annoys him, he rarely protests.

In winter, Viago always takes you ice skating. Even though you’re a vampire and you can’t catch a cold (or feel cold for that matter), he still insist on you wearing very warm clothes. People might think he’s not taking good care of his kid!

When they go to New York for the vampiric council duties (shoutout to wwdits show), they take you with them. Viago definitely takes you to see a musical. He’s not bailing on that. And it’s probably going to be something incredibly campy. Probably Andrew Lloyd Webber too.

You and Deacon have an absolute blast in the NY subway, scaring random people to death with little to no repercussions or getting into the last car and drinking whoever dared to sit there alone.

Some random blogger accidentally caught you and Vladislav turning into bats in an alleyway of Manhattan on video. So you had to hunt him down and hypnotise his whole audience into forgetting about the existence of that footage. It felt nice to be famous even if only for a bit.

As any flatting situation, these three have a lot of bickering and arguments.

They really try to avoid having any of those arguments in front of you, but sometimes it gets out of control. In those cases, they try to either deflate it or just ask you to leave the room and let them sort this out.

Petty or not, parents’ arguments are not something a child should be watching.

If you ever die from being burnt by sunlight or get killed by a vampire slayer they will be utterly devastated.

Vladislav is probably the best at handling it. He grieves silently by himself, reminiscing about all the fun silly things you’d say and do when he wasn’t in the mood. With time, the sadness numbs. But there is still that gaping emptiness somewhere in his immortal soul.

Viago would never forgive himself. Maybe if he took better care of you, if he paid more attention, if he took more precautions, if he kept a closer eye on you, if he was just by your side at the right time… maybe you’d still be running through the halls of this dusty house…

Deacon is just furious. He’s furious at whatever caused your death and he’s furious at you for being so reckless and getting yourself killed. Why do his closest ones keep leaving him so suddenly?

But that won’t happen obviously, you’re not dumb enough to die twice ;)

Genuinely, your time with them could be considered one of the happiest periods of your life. And if you tell them that, they will feel very proud of themselves.

All three of them really mean well and want to give you the childhood they never had.

[gonzo-rella]

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2014) MASTERLIST

EVERYONE/MULTIPLE

Being A Human And Being Friends With Viago, Vladislav, Deacon, Jackie, Nick and Stu (headcanons)

[littleoddwriter]

What We Do in the Shadows Masterlist

Deacon Brücke:

Gender Dysphoric Masc!Non-Binary Reader Headcanons

Laszlo Cravensworth:

Enemies to Lovers HC’s (GN!Reader; Vampire x Vampire Hunter)

Trans!Male!Reader HC’s

Relationship HC’s (Human!GN!Reader)

Viago:

Willing for Something New (Male!Reader)

Non-Binary Reader HC’s

N/SFW HC’s (Trans!Male!Reader)

GN!Reader, who’s scared of the Dark (HC)

Vladislav the Poker:

Small!GN!Reader HC’s

[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 10

Fandom: What We  Do in the Shadows 

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: M

Word Count: 1838

Chapter Summary: You clear the air with all four flatmates.

A/N: As always, cross posted to AO3.

Warning: Brief mentions of suicidal ideation.

You entered the lounge in your pajamas, your face already washed, and your hair messy. You collapsed onto the couch and started scrolling through your phone, making excellent progress on spending the evening in a near vegetative state.

“You’re not going out tonight?” Dawn asked.

You didn’t look up from your phone. “No. It’s been weeks. That guy’s not coming back; I scared him off for good. So I figured I might as well stay home until my depressive state killed me, quite possibly by my own hand,” you deadpanned.

“Y/N. That’s not funny.”

“Sorry.”

Changing the subject from your macabre exaggeration, Dawn suggested, “Let’s go out tonight.”

You threw her a look.

“No, really. Like actually out. Not just you sitting alone and sad at bar waiting for someone you may or may not have known to show up. Let’s go out, you and me, for a girl’s night. We’ll go out for drinks and dancing. Not Boogie Wonderland. You need a break from that place. Some other club.”

“Rain check?” You didn’t feel like going out. You didn’t feel like having fun. You felt like lying on the couch until you wasted away.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m really worried about you.”

You brushed off her comment, but you were getting sort of worried about yourself, as well. You’d stopped going to see your psychologist. Earlier in the day you found yourself wishing you would go to sleep and just not wake up. You were constantly miserable, surviving but not living.

“Well if you really don’t want to go out, why don’t we stay in and have a movie night? I’ll rent something online and then order a pizza, my treat, okay?”

You didn’t really feel like doing anything, but you recognized that Dawn was trying her best, and you appreciated it. And watching a movie and binging on pizza in your pjs seemed much more manageable that getting dressed up to go out and party.

You nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

~

The kitchen table was much too small for all five of you. Your elbows bumped either Vladislav on your left or Petyr on your right every time you shifted. Petyr sort of gave you the heebie jeebies, so you found yourself leaning slightly away from him, putting you uncomfortably close to Vladislav. You suggested relocating to the dining room, but were told that it was currently covered in blood and had a corpse laying on the table. You weren’t sure what was more unsettling, the fact that that was the state of the dining room, or that that news was delivered to you so nonchalantly. Nevertheless, the dining room was to an option, so you were all squeezed around the tiny kitchen table.

Viago cleared his throat before beginning. “We are here to clear the air about our being vampires and discuss our living situation with Y/N. It might be helpful if we reintroduced ourselves, properly, this time. I’ll go first.” He turned to address you directly. I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten Scheden Heimburg.”

You stared blankly.

“Oh, and I’m 379 years old,” he added as an afterthought.

You tried to do the mental math in your head, but quickly gave up and decided to figure it out later.

“Deacon Brucke. I’m 183 years old.”

“Vladislav the Poker.  862 years old.”

He might not have been kidding about the Middle Ages last night, after all. You turned to Petyr, anticipating his introduction.

“Petyr,” he rasped, his voice as cold and creepy as the rest of him.

You waited for his age, but he stared blankly at you with his pale eyes, not volunteering any further information.

“We don’t know how old Petyr is,” Viago explained. “He lost track. Over 8,000, though.”

Your jaw dropped. “For real?”

Your turned back to Petyr and he nodded once. Shit. Okay, then.

Viago continued, “Y/N, do have any questions about vampires in general or specifically about any of us?”

You figured a general ‘Tell me about vampires.’ was too open-ended, and you tried to think of a more specific question. You had a lot of questions, though, and you didn’t know where to start. You also had some vague ideas and assumptions about vampires, but you didn’t know which, if any, were true. “How about I just tell you what I’ve heard about vampires, and you guys can correct me where I’m wrong and fill in the gaps. Does that work?”

The four looked to one another before nodding.

“So, you-“ You realized you didn’t quite feel comfortable referring to them as vampires, so you restarted, more generally. “So, vampires need to consume human blood. They sleep in coffins, during the day. Sunlight, garlic, silver, and crosses are all bad for them.” You looked around to see that all four were still nodding along, so you continued, rattling things off a bit faster. “Not showing up in mirrors, turning into bats, flying, having to be invited in, wooden stakes, hypnosis, and whatever Deacon did with that guy’s backpack.”

“Teleportation,” Deacon clarified.

You nodded, but tried not to give it too much thought. Watching him crawl out of that backpack was easily the most horrifying thing you’d ever encountered, and you felt the ball of fear and anxiety in your stomach return just remembering it.

“Vampires also have quicker and superior healing ability than humans.”

“And it’s not just bats,” Deacon added. “Cats and dogs, too. But with practice it can be any animal. Vladislav is known for his transformation abilities.”

Vladislav smiled proudly. “That’s not practice, though, that’s skill.”

“Ja, some vampires have certain abilities that other vampires don’t. I once met a vampire who could become invisible,” Viago explained.

“It isn’t just crucifixes, either.” Vladislav glanced quickly to your chest where he knew your necklace hung. “It’s any religious icons or words.”

“Really? Words? Like even if I just say ‘god’-“

You were cut off by wincing and hissing from around the table.

“Don’t do that!” Deacon scolded you.

“Shit. Sorry.” As frightening as vampires inherently were, it made you feel better that they had their weaknesses. “So is it just vampires? That are real, I mean? Or is every mythological creature real? Do I need to be on the lookout for, like, ghosts?”

“Ghosts aren’t real,” Deacon scoffed.

“Of course ghosts are real,” Viago argued.

“Oh really? Have you ever seen a ghost?”

“Not technically. But the house I grew up in was haunted! There was a spirit who lived in the walls.”

“There was not. It was probably a rat.”

“You think I would confuse a rat for a ghost?”

“So, there’s no reason for me to change my thoughts on ghosts?” you interrupted.

“Ghosts are real,” Vladislav answered. You took it with a grain of salt, though. “Werewolves are real, too.” The rest of the group nodded. “I wouldn’t go out on full moons, if I were you. There is a pack that roams in Te Aro.”

That thought chilled you. You were sure you’d gone out in Te Aro on a full moon before. Then again, you’d gone out many times before unaware that there were vampires, including your current flatmates, out and about.

“Zombies and witches, too.”

“We’re not sure what all exists,” Viago told you. “Lots of myths are true, and lots aren’t. Some Maori myths are based on real creatures.”

“Oh! Petyr, remember the taniwha that attacked our ship when we came to New Zealand?”

Petyr nodded solemnly.

Vampires, werewolves, assorted creatures. Your entire worldview was being forcibly changed over these past 24 hours, but you just nodded. What else could you do?

“I’m safe, right?” you asked suddenly. “From you guys? I mean, there’s literally a dead body in the other room.” You were afraid it sounded more accusatory than you meant it, but you felt it was a fair question, all in all.

“We can control ourselves,” Deacon said, somewhat indignantly.

“You’re our flatmate and our friend. You don’t have to worry.”

“Thanks.” You thought it was odd to thank someone for not killing you, but you didn’t know what else to say. “Is there anything you guys need from me? As a human flatmate? Other than not slamming the doors and being quiet during daylight hours?”

“Don’t tell anyone we’re vampires,” Vladislav said sternly. “Not anyone. Not ever. Vampire hunters are also real and when word gets out that you are a vampire, you tend not to be around soon after.” He, as well as the other three, looked deadly serious.

You nodded quickly to reassure them. “I won’t tell anyone.” You looked around the table. Everyone was still seated, though it felt like the natural conclusion to the flat meeting. “About the dining room…?”

“Jackie will be here to clean it up later tonight,” Deacon said.

“Is she a vampire, too?”

“No. She is my familiar.”

“Familiar?” To you, the word conjured images of black kittens following cartoon witches on broomsticks. You weren’t sure how the term applied to the woman you’d once met.

“Slave,” Vladislav clarified.

You looked at him in shock, and he returned your gaze, shameless and undisturbed. It wasn’t the first time something that had appalled you had entirely unaffected him. You wondered if that was a result of his being a vampire, his living for over 800 years, his being from the Middle Ages, or if it was just how he was as a person.  

Undoubtedly sensing your discomfort, Viago clarified, “A familiar serves a vampire for a while in exchange for being turned into a vampire after service.”

You calmed a bit. That sounded better than ‘slave.’ “So you’re going to turn her into a vampire?”

“No,” Deacon snorted.

“What? Why not?”

“Familiars don’t get turned into vampires.”

“Well, sometimes, probably, they do,” Viago argued. “I’ve never actually heard of it happening, though.”

“You’ve lost me,” you told them honestly.

Vladislav sighed. “Familiars exchange their service for the promise of becoming a vampire. Then they serve their masters until they die of old age or are killed.”

You exclaimed in disgust. “That’s horrible.”

Vladislav shrugged, his sleeve brushing your bare arm. These guys all ate actual, live people to survive. You supposed their moral compasses would have to be a bit more skewed than yours was.

However, despite your clear distaste for it all, you felt relieved to know they were vampires. It was one thing to kill because you could, or because you wanted to, as you thought had been the case before last night. It was another to kill because you had to. Yes, innocent people still died, and yes, your flatmates seemed to enjoy it. Deacon’s manic laughter as he chased that man out of your room was sure to haunt you for a while to come. But no matter how awful it was for the victims, or or how little guilt they felt about it, they had to do it to survive. And that fact alone made you feel better, if only a bit.