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nothingtolosebutweight · 2 years ago

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| Pairing: Ivar x Heahmund | Words: ~6800 [AO3] | Masterpost | Warnings: None really for this chapter. It's sweet and light with only a few hurtful memories

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Ivar ran around the apartment frantically, checking for the umpteenth time if he had placed everything the way he thought Heahmund would find it best. He wanted everything to be perfect so his beloved would feel comfortable and, in the best case, at home again.

—- It was now four weeks since they had said goodbye to each other at the airport in Dublin. Four weeks in which Ivar knew that Heahmund still loved him, and on top of that was willing to give him a second chance, and yet they hadn't been able to spend those weeks together. It was torture, especially because time had made it a point to progress only agonizingly slowly. At least that's how Ivar felt at the moment because the longing to be reunited with Heahmund was simply driving him crazy.

He often wished to go back to that moment at the airport, to have Heahmund close by again, to feel his hands on his body, and most of all, he longed for that kind of kisses they had shared when they had to say goodbye. Ivar was annoyed that he hadn't enjoyed the sweetness of Heahmund's lips to the fullest at that time. He had simply been too surprised, too overrun by thoughts which had distracted him.

Every now and then, he was also annoyed at himself that he had actually still gotten on the plane after Heahmund's promise instead of abandoning all plans and staying with him. But he had only really understood what had happened when he had already checked in. And then it was too late to turn back.

Especially when he lay alone in bed at night, he hated himself for having wanted to act reasonably for once and not waste his already paid ticket. Anyone else in his situation would certainly not have cared, but he seemed to be a clown, a masochistic one to boot.

Although it was also nice to be back home, in familiar surroundings, and to have his family around him, who had welcomed him at the airport without any reproach - only with love in his mother's eyes and affectionate teasing from his brothers - he longed for nothing more than to be back in Heahmund's presence. For Ivar, every day without him was a wasted one, and he had already had far too many of those in the past year.

It wasn't as if he had little contact with Heahmund. The complete opposite was the case. They saw and heard each other every day, but only virtually. Except at night, when they were both asleep, hardly an hour went by without one of them sending a text or voice message, or even a picture, to let the other participate in their daily activities.

Heahmund also liked it especially when Ivar called him while he was playing the piano. They didn't actively talk to each other then, because Heahmund himself was busy with stuff for his work, but they both still had the feeling of being close to each other in those moments. Sometimes they even cooked the same thing in the evening and then ate it together while face-timing, creating a sense of togetherness as well.

Ubbe once stated that they acted as if they were newly in love, and in a way it was like that. Although they both claimed that their love for each other had never died out, that it had always remained under the surface, they couldn't deny that everything was now boiling up again. And to Ivar, it felt great. He felt alive again. Full of joy.

To outsiders, this might seem crazy, and Ubbe often made fun of them - in a loving, brotherly way, but apart from the fact that Ivar would have preferred to stay in Ireland right away, he wouldn't have wanted to change anything about their interactions during their temporary separation.

Real contact, however, was something else entirely. Something they both missed and not a day had gone by that they hadn't talked about how nice it would be to not only be able to see and hear each other but to be able to kiss and feel each other skin on skin as well.

The time of unwanted separation was a sweet agony for both of them, but it would be over soon.

—- The sound of his cell phone stopped Ivar in his renewed round of checks. He walked over to the coffee table where his phone was lying and checked the message Heahmund had just sent him. It was a location information that showed him how far away his sweetheart still was. A quick check on Maps indicated that it would probably take another ten minutes or so before he would arrive. The knowledge that they would see each other again in only a few minutes made Ivar's heart skip a beat. To say that he was excited was a massive understatement.

With a smile on his lips and a lot of excitement in his belly, Ivar set about checking the last items for his final round of inspections. He once again checked the newly purchased food bowl on the floor, moved it to the right one last time, and decided to change the water in another bowl once more as well. Already for the third time, but for his guest of honor it should be as fresh as possible - namely Grace, who would come along.

It was the only solution that would allow Heahmund to stay longer than a few days, because even his cousin Mary wasn't eager to keep an eye on the little devil for more than an extended weekend. However, a long weekend was not enough for them. They didn't want to have to separate again right away. Another reason, of course, was that Heahmund's heart couldn't cope with the fact that his beloved cat would be alone in his apartment most of the day, missing her beloved human. The worry about Grace was also the reason why their reunion had been delayed a bit. Everything else, such as Heahmund's work, which he would now temporarily do entirely from home, they had been able to sort out quickly. What they should do with Grace, since no one dared to take care of her, had taken longer to decide.

To take her with him, Heahmund had overhauled his old car - for a lot of money - and taken on the much longer and, for him, more strenuous drive. In this way, he was able to spare Grace the flight, which he assumed would traumatize her even more with the loud noises and unfamiliar surroundings.

Ivar still had to get used to sharing Heahmund's love with a cat, but then again he found his caring very sweet as well. It made his boyfriend so much more attractive, if that was even possible.

Although Heahmund had assured him that he would bring whatever Grace needed, Ivar hadn't been able to resist buying her a few new things himself, especially lots of treats. The scars from her scratches on his arm were still visible and would probably always remain as fine lines. Therefore, he would do his best to avoid further attacks, and he planned to achieve this by bribing her with all the goodies she liked the most.

Of course, Ivar had also thought of his beloved when he had run errands. For him, he had bought treats in the form of his favorite tea and cookies, among other things that he thought would make him smile. He wanted to see Heahmund happy, so he tried his best to make that happen. The tea and cookies were already displayed in the kitchen, ready to be used, as Ivar was sure that Heahmund wouldn't say no to a freshly made cup of tea after his super-long journey. Saying no to his favorite cookies was unthinkable anyway.

After looking at the clock on his phone one more time, Ivar realized that he had about six more minutes left. He felt a bit stupid that he nevertheless already grabbed the apartment key from the hook in the hallway and went downstairs to wait the last few minutes outside in front of the front door. The pretended reason was that he wanted to help Heahmund carry his stuff anyway, but secretly he couldn't wait to finally be able to kiss him, hug him, and just look at him. Every second that he could see him earlier was therefore precious.

In his impatience, however, he had not thought to take his jacket with him. After only a short time in the cold, he bitterly regretted this. Mid-March was simply not the right time for standing outside dressed only in a shirt. To keep himself warm, Ivar rubbed over his arms and hopped a bit from leg to leg. For outsiders, he certainly presented an amusing picture.

As soon as he saw the car with the strange license plate arrive, the cold was forgotten and a broad smile stretched across Ivar’s face. Only seconds after the engine went out, Heahmund immediately opened the driver's door and wrapped his arms around him as soon as he stepped out of the car. They paused in their embrace for a moment, both pressed tightly against each other, relishing the moment, before Heahmund pulled back, smiling broadly while cupping Ivar’s face with his hands.

There was no time for big words since their lips were magnetically drawn to each other. The following kiss seemed to go on forever. The world around them plunged into oblivion. What counted was only the present moment. Again and again, they chased each other's lips, pressing them together to the rhythm of the dance of their love. Ivar snuggled up to Heahmund and held him by the waist, while Heahmund put one hand on Ivar's neck and the other on his waist. They continued what they had started at the airport, now enjoying the moment to the fullest without time pressure.

It took a reproachful meow from the passenger seat to get them to part, laughing softly because of the comedic timing.

"Someone seems to be mad," Ivar said, kissing Heahmund quickly again before bending down a bit to look inside the car.

Grace sat right by the door in her transport box, one paw on the bars, claws visibly extended. Ivar couldn't tell if this was just a threat or already a promise of revenge, because in a way she had to stay in a small box for so long because of him. He made a mental note to himself that he should better start bribing her with the treats as soon as she got to explore the apartment.

"Oh yes, she sang some songs of lament in between, but most of the time she was just sleeping," Heahmund replied, while stroking Ivar's back, unable to keep his fingers off him.

The threat of pain from another attack or the chill of the crisp March air - either one made Ivar shiver, and a moment later he felt Heahmund's arms around him, pulling him close and back into an upright position.

"Why aren't you wearing a jacket?" Heahmund asked, concerned, as he began stroking Ivar's arms, trying to warm him up a bit.

"Impatience and stupidity. I think that describes it best," Ivar turned his head to the side, gifting his beloved a smile that earned him another sweet kiss.

"Then let's quickly unpack the car so Gracie can get out of her prison and you can get back into the warmth." Heahmund placed another kiss on Ivar's temple and in the same breath gave him a slight slap on the butt, which made Ivar laugh.

"Aye, sir!"

While unloading the car, they organized themselves in such a way that Heahmund brought everything to the front door and from there Ivar took over, carrying the stuff up the stairs to the apartment. Running up and down the stairs warmed him up well, too.

At last, Grace was lifted out of the car by Heahmund, and the movement of her box made her meow lamentably again.

"I know, I know," Heahmund spoke soothingly to her, "We're almost there, lil Gracie. I'm sorry." On his last trip to the front door, he had already called out to Ivar that he wouldn't have to come downstairs again since everything had now been cleared out.

Already when he entered the well-known staircase, Heahmund felt strange and the feeling got even stronger when he arrived in front of their former shared apartment door. The memory of the last time he stood before it instantly popped into his head. It came over him so suddenly and strongly that he almost thought he could taste the whiskey on his tongue that he had drunk copiously before closing the door behind him for - what he believed at the time - the last time.

Heahmund remembered his condition back then. Befogged by alcohol, a heavy heart beating in his chest, causing his blood to pulse through an empty shell. He still knew exactly how hopeless everything had felt, how difficult the step had been to leave everything behind. In terms of lifetime, it hadn't been too long ago, therefore the memories were still fresh.

At that dire time, he wouldn't have thought that he would ever stand in that place again, especially not with lightness and newly awoken love in his heart.

Before he could lose himself further in thought, Ivar opened the door and paused in his movement, startled, as he probably hadn't expected Heahmund to stay right in front of it.

"I was beginning to think you were lost," Ivar started talking, a bit out of breath from the effort of dragging all the stuff upstairs, and surely also due to his nervousness. "I've already prepared the litter box and filled up her food bowl. Everything is ready for her."

Heahmund smiled at him. He thought it sweet how hard Ivar was trying to be a good host. "Well, would you let us both into your home then?" he asked, waiting for Ivar to take a step to the side to get out of the way.

"Our home." Ivar corrected before stepping aside, smiling as he watched the two enter the apartment.

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"I expected a lot of things, but somehow not this." Ivar's voice was hoarse, forcing him to clear his throat briefly. Slowly, he let his fingers slide over Heahmund's bare chest, tracing his sternum, then wandering sideways down to his hips, where he paused briefly before moving back up. Ivar smiled as he felt a kiss on his temple. This innocent gesture made his heart beat faster again, yet it had only just regained its composure.

"Is it bad? Maybe too soon?" Heahmund tried to catch a glimpse of Ivar's face, but the position they were lying in together on the couch made that impossible. He was tired from the long drive and now additionally drained from the sex they had just had. It had just happened. Unplanned, but somehow not surprising.

They had only quickly released Grace from her transport box and briefly watched as she began to suspiciously examine her new surroundings. Carefully, step by step, with her belly close to the ground.

The rest of the luggage hadn't mattered for the time being, nor had the already arranged tea. They had thirsted for kisses, not a hot drink. The first ones had been still tender, almost innocent, but each subsequent one had kindled more and more fire. Their hands had been unable to stop touching each other, exploring each other anew, ridding their bodies of the cumbersome clothing. At some point they had ended up on the couch, surrendering to their lusts there.

Gently and soulfully they had given themselves to each other, taking their time to get to know each other anew with all their senses, refreshing old memories and adding new ones. Everything had felt right and even perfect when they had connected, not only emotionally but also physically. They had once again become one, merging into a loving union as they rode the wave of happiness that came with it.

"Not at all," Ivar said quickly. "I just didn't dare to imagine lying next to your naked body so soon." He let his gaze glide over Heahmund, whose skin was still covered with a fine layer of sweat in some places. His fingers followed his eyes, drawing circles on the slightly reddened areas on his beloved's chest. Ivar felt so relaxed and just happy that he couldn't stop smiling. "You're still so damn handsome," he said rapturously, with his eyes unable to get enough of the sight. Giving in to his inner urge, he bent over Heahmund and covered his chest with tender kisses, causing a new wave of lust to surge through him, rushing into his nether regions.

"Look who's talking." Heahmund hummed with pleasure as he stroked his fingers through Ivar's loose hair. It was still an unusual sight to see his boyfriend with longer hair, but he liked it, no doubt. With a little more pressure against Ivar's neck, he directed his head upward, while he turned more to the side at the same time, chasing after Ivar’s lips. "You have no idea how many times I've lain wide awake on the couch thinking about just crawling into bed with you," he murmured between open mouth kisses, "But instead of doing so, I just ..."

"Masturbated?" Ivar interrupted him, chuckling, breaking the kiss entirely now. He looked into Heahmund's eyes for a moment before pressing closer, sensing their privates touching as he did so. He lowered his head a little and placed his lips on his beloved's neck to continue kissing him there.

"No. I just stayed a coward and kept staring at the ceiling." Heahmund continued with what he actually wanted to say, tilting his head back to give Ivar more space. He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. "I did masturbate in the shower, though," he added in a low voice, starting to grin as soon as his secret was revealed.

They shared a giggle, and just the image in Ivar's mind of Heahmund pleasuring himself while water ran down his perfect body, thinking of him, excited him even more. His hand moved down and his fingertips stroked purposefully over both of their still-soft cocks, eliciting a sweet sigh from his beloved, which he joined in.

"Give me a break, my love," Heahmund said, quite with regret in his voice, as he stopped Ivar's hand, which was already in the process of further stimulating him. "I'm really, really tired. I might need a nap to get through the rest of the day."

Although Ivar would have liked to continue, he could understand that Heahmund was worn out after his long journey. However, he couldn't resist a little teasing. "Sure, old man. I'll quickly get you a blanket from the bedroom, then you can stay naked for later, but still won't get cold."

"That would be too kind-hearted, you little bully."

As soon as he uttered the nickname, Heahmund realized that it had been stupid to say such a thing. He had used this term a few times in the past when Ivar had lost himself in his verbal attacks during one of his many screaming fits. When rage and anger had taken possession of him. At that time he had tried to make him understand that this kind of behavior was nothing more than bullying, so he had called him one, to make him understand the seriousness of it and also how inappropriate it was that he was treating him, his boyfriend, in such a way.

Uncertainly, he looked up at Ivar. It hadn't been his intention at all to point out his beloved's past behavior or to ruin the perfect mood they were in. To his relief, however, Ivar just laughed, showing no sign that this remark had triggered something in him as he reached for his underpants and pulled them over, hiding his half-awakened cock in them. Before he could walk away, Heahmund reached for his hand, forcing him to stop in his movement, and squeezed it gently, looking up at him. "I love you."

Ivar’s lips twisted into a blissful smile. It felt so good to him, to hear those words again. "I love you, too. Much more than words could ever describe," he said, returning the squeeze in an equally tender way. He couldn't help but lean down to Heahmund once again to kiss him, making him feel how much he loved him.

He then fetched a blanket from the bedroom as promised, and when he returned to the living room, his beloved was already lying there with his eyes closed, tightly clutching the pillow on which he himself had previously lain. Smiling, Ivar took one last look at the bare bottom in front of him before spreading the blanket over Heahmund, whereupon he received a murmured thank you. He squatted down next to the couch and gently stroked the black, tousled hair. "Do you mind if I start putting your luggage away?" he asked in a whisper.

"No, go ahead," Heahmund answered in an equally quiet voice that made it clear how far along he was on his way to Dreamland.

Ivar walked back into the hallway on quiet soles, looking at the suitcases and cardboard boxes that had only been quickly put down there. He decided to start with the suitcases and deliberately walked back and forth twice, carrying them rather than rolling them to make less noise. As he did so, he also kept an eye out for Grace to make sure he knew where she was sneaking around. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally scare her.

Before retreating completely to the bedroom to unpack, he quickly went back to the kitchen and retrieved one of the many treat boxes he had purchased in advance. The sound of the crackling bag immediately attracted Grace, and she poked her head around the corner of the door, looking suspicious.

"This one's for you," Ivar said, taking one of the stinky chunks out of the bag and holding it up in the air to make it clear to her before placing it on the table beside him. "In return, please don't give me any trouble, okay? Do we have a deal?" He grabbed a few more treats and spread them around the kitchen a bit. That way, Grace was well distracted, at least for a little while, and he was able to escape the kitchen to finally get to work in his closet.

Already a few days ago, he had limited his clothes to the area he had also occupied before their separation. The more of Heahmund's clothes found their way into the empty part of the closet, the more satisfied Ivar felt. Even if by no means all the clothes his beloved owned were now back in their proper place, this was at least a start. Step by step, the hoped-for normality returned, and the apartment began to radiate something like a feeling of home again. Heahmund meant so much to him. He was like home to Ivar, and with each piece of him that returned here, this was also physically underlined.

One of Heahmund's sweaters caught his eye in particular and since Ivar was starting to get cold, he put it on without further ado, ignoring the side of his wardrobe with much more choice. He had already taken one of Heahmund's shirts with him when he had returned from Ireland, purely by accident, as he had claimed after being caught during one of their face-time dates. That he would now no longer have to rely on a piece of clothing to feel close to Heahmund made Ivar even happier. He would nevertheless still steal his boyfriend's clothes from time to time, that much was certain.

For now, Ivar pushed the empty suitcases aside. They would certainly store them later in the cellar or on top of the closet, although he would prefer to dispose of them entirely. This way he would have even more security that Heahmund would not disappear again, even if this could not be prevented only by banishing the suitcases. Ivar knew this himself. He had to prove himself, hold on to his love this time and not destroy it again. It was up to him and as he crept back into the living room, stopping briefly in front of the couch and catching a glimpse of Heahmund sleeping peacefully, he swore to himself once more that he would not jeopardize this newly received chance under any circumstances.

After emptying four more boxes, containing items for Grace, kitchen utensils, and some work-related stuff, Ivar made himself comfortable with a freshly brewed tea on the armchair next to the couch. From there he had a wonderful view of Heahmund, although unfortunately, he was unable to see his face because it was facing the back of the couch.

He briefly went through the pictures on his phone that he had secretly taken of Heahmund before, but decided against setting one of them as the new background image - he would wait for a new couple photo. Instead, Ivar opened his mother's last message and started replying to it. His family also wanted to know if everything had gone well, knowing that Heahmund was due to arrive today.

Shortly after Ivar started a game on his phone, Heahmund began to stir, leading Ivar to put his phone aside and instead watch his boyfriend wake up, enjoying the little moaning noises he made as he did so.

As Heahmund turned onto his back, he rubbed his eyes briefly before finally opening them. Immediately, their eyes met and Heahmund couldn't help but grin widely.

"I've forgotten what a creep you can be." His voice was still husky from sleep, which made it all the more attractive to Ivar.

"Wait until you see the pictures of your bare ass that I posted on my social media accounts while you were imitating Sleeping Beauty." Ivar stood up from his chair and walked over to the couch. He took his still half-full teacup with him and handed it to Heahmund, who accepted it thankfully.

"The worrisome thing is that I'm not even sure if you're joking or not." After just the first sip, he handed the cup back, his face contorted in disgust. "Oh, babe. That's not tea, that's a crime against humanity. How much sugar did you use?"

"You being awake for more than a minute without me getting a kiss is a crime, and it's against the house rules as well!"

Heahmund snorted in amusement and sat up, leaning back against the back of the couch. "You're right. My apologies." He grabbed Ivar's hand and pulled him closer, gesturing for him to sit on his lap, which he did, immediately claiming the kiss afterward.

"How long have I slept?" Heahmund asked as he nuzzled his nose against Ivar's neck, inhaling his scent.

"Not that long. An hour and a half maybe? Do you feel better?" Ivar could almost answer the question himself, seeing how tired Heahmund still looked.

"Not really, but I assume you don't mind a relaxing rest of the day with some food, maybe a movie, and..."

"...more sex?" Ivar interjected, gyrating his hips for emphasis, eliciting a wry grin from his lover.

"I would surrender to my fate. Without any objection," Heahmund announced, both hands already busy grabbing Ivar's buttocks, pressing him tighter against him.

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Home.

Heahmund repeated the simple word in his mind, almost tasting on his tongue the insipid aftertaste it left in him. It was written on a sweet welcome note that Ivar had stuck on one of the tea tins he must have bought especially for him because he knew that Ivar would never buy anything like Earl Grey and all the other great classics for himself. He was simply a philistine in this field.

It was still quite early in the morning, and when Heahmund had entered the kitchen for the first time since his arrival - Ivar had made it his business yesterday to provide enough food and drinks to maintain their stamina, he had noticed that not much had changed in the room. The same was true for the rest of the apartment. He hadn't had much time to look at everything closely yesterday, but what he had seen so far all seemed very familiar.

The floor plan was still the same, of course, but not much had changed in terms of furniture or decoration either. Only a few things were new, like the piano in one corner of the living room, some pictures on the wall, and some of Ivar’s things that had found a place on shelves where his belongings used to be.

At first, it had seemed strange to him that Ivar had changed so little, even though he had lived here alone for almost a year and a half, but on the other hand, he could well imagine why he had avoided change. Besides, when Heahmund thought about it, a year and a half was not too long a time either. In terms of his entire life, he probably had been away for just a fraction of a minute.

Sometime yesterday in the early evening, when he had let his gaze wander in a quiet minute, his eyes had been drawn to one shelf in particular. Ivar had been in the kitchen cooking at the time, while he had stayed alone in the living room, cuddling with Grace, using his tiredness as an excuse not to help prepare dinner. There were books on that shelf now. He hadn't been able to make out exactly what kind of books they were, and he didn't care to be honest. What had lured him to this spot in the first place was rather the knowledge of what had once stood there and what was now no longer visible.

Once there had been bottles of various liquors on that shelf. Initially, mainly for celebrations such as birthdays, which were celebrated boisterously among the Lothbroks. There had also been a few selected bottles of red wine for the two of them after Ivar had acquired a taste for taking a sip of it during cozy evenings along with pizza and a good movie. Later, it had become his personal supply closet, from which he helped himself almost daily with progressively stronger drinks. In the end, his favorite drink had become whiskey, preferably neat.

Heahmund didn't know if Ivar had put any alcohol away on purpose, but he could well imagine it, as he was obviously trying to do everything right. At first, he had thought that seeing a couple of bottles there wouldn't have bothered him. He didn't care about alcohol anymore and could walk past the shelves in the supermarket without a second thought, or getting sweaty palms. But the more often his eyes had wandered to that shelf, even though the contents had changed, the weirder he had felt. A feeling of tightness had spread through his chest, accompanied by memories he thought he had repressed months ago.

In addition to all the positive feelings since his arrival, which Ivar in particular triggered in him, Heahmund also felt more and more clearly the burden of the past which tried to crush him since he had re-entered the apartment. Symbolically, for him, the place had become one where he had lost himself and no longer could see a future. The fact that everything still looked almost the same as before did nothing to combat these feelings. It made Heahmund uncomfortable. Faster than he had expected. For him, it was as if he saw old ghosts in every corner. Ones he didn't want to think about anymore. He didn't believe in Feng Shui or anything like that, but he couldn't help thinking that energies might be lingering in places, haunting them.

Almost every piece of their interior had a story. Some were good, others had the painful past too strongly manifested in them. Like the table in the kitchen, which he tried not to look at too closely right now.

One look had been enough, and like yesterday in front of the apartment door and at the sight of the shelf, a memory had immediately appeared in front of his inner eye, which had inevitably taken him back to the day when he had last been here. He could still remember too well how he had sat at this very table, writing a letter in which he had somehow tried to put his dark and confused thoughts into words. Hoping that Ivar would understand the reasons for his decision and, above all, that he would not hate him for the rest of his life.

Heahmund didn't regret coming back though. He was still looking forward to their new beginning, picturing a positive future for the both of them whenever he lost himself in daydreaming. A happy life with the person he loved the most at his side was all he dreamt of.

When he asked his heart if he had found that person in Ivar, he had no doubt. He loved him as he had never loved anyone before. Even during the separation he hadn't been able to fall in love with someone else, hadn't even wasted one single thought about finding someone new. Loving Ivar just felt natural to him, as if he was born for it.

The thought that fate had brought them together, that perhaps they were something like two souls looking out for each other in each of their lives, needing each other to find their fulfillment, had come to him more often in recent weeks. He had not believed in such a thing before, but the strong connection he felt with Ivar, the intensity of the love he felt for him, all spoke to Heahmund that perhaps they were destined to be together. Even if it wasn't, it was at least a nice thought to hold onto.

A thought he also needed when asking the same question not to his heart but to his mind. The answer then wasn't so simple. It was a bit more complicated, shaped by too many questioning thoughts and also a pinch of fear. Part of him still feared that he would end up regretting giving that second chance, but the larger part, however, was optimistic or tried to be.

In a way, Ivar made it easy for him to hold on to their second try. It was obvious how much he had worked on himself. All Heahmund could see at that moment was the sweet, caring Ivar he had fallen in love with. It was easy to imagine a future together with him.

This thought was affirmed when Ivar entered the kitchen. Still looking utterly sleepy, his hair disheveled, his eyes barely open, pulling a pouty face that begged to be kissed. The negative thoughts that Heahmund had tried to suppress until just now were gone in a flash, making room for all the positive ones that Ivar triggered in him.

"Morning, love." Heahmund smiled contentedly as Ivar approached him straightforwardly, snuggling up to him from behind, leaving no millimeter of space between them. He felt the soft lips on his neck and warm hands on his belly trying to get under his shirt.

"Who gave you permission to leave the bed, huh?" Ivar asked in a sleepy voice before a long drawn-out yawn filled the room.

Heahmund felt the warm breath on his shoulder. He reached down to grab one of Ivar's sneaky hands to then bring it in front of his mouth and place a kiss on the back of it. "Did I break house rules again?"

"That depends on the reason why you left."

"Hunger made me do it."

"Hmm, hmm." Ivar hummed contentedly, having finally managed to get one hand under Heahmund's shirt. His hand went on a journey, stroking over the flat belly while he drove his little finger under the waistband of Heahmund's shorts. "That's forgivable. After all, I robbed you of quite a bit of energy yesterday, right?"

"You seem to still be hungry too, huh?"

Ivar smiled against Heahmund's shoulder. He turned his head a bit, looking for the spot where no shirt was covering his lover's skin, placing an open-mouthed kiss there. "How can I not when you look like a snack, hun." At the keyword snack, his stomach began to growl as well.

Laughing softly, Heahmund wriggled out of the embrace and turned around. Before he could lean over to kiss Ivar, he stopped him by pressing his palm against his chest.

Ivar saw it directly in the way Heahmund looked at him that something was weighing on his mind. A bit concerned, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Heahmund was confused, not knowing directly what Ivar was alluding to until he nudged his head with his index finger.

"What's going on in there?"

"A lot."

"Tell me about it."

Heahmund smiled since it was usually his part to do this with Ivar. It touched him that he was so attentive. The pressure against his chest had eased and he used the opportunity to steal the kiss he wanted. In doing so, he urged Ivar backward a bit until his butt bumped against the table. Taking the hint, Ivar sat down on it, automatically spreading his legs so Heahmund could find space between them.

"What do you think about moving?" Heahmund blurted out after he ended the kiss.

Ivar looked puzzled, needed a moment to process the question. "To Ireland?" He asked, confusion all over his face.

Heahmund found this expression so sweet that he had to steal another quick kiss before answering. "Not necessarily, no. But I just thought if we're serious about this fresh start, we should leave this apartment behind too, don't you think?" He held Ivar by the sides, making stroking motions with his thumb.

"Is it still an if question for you?" Ivar put one of his hands on Heahmund's cheek and studied his facial expressions closely.

Heahmund shook his head. "No. The question of starting over, of course, is not. I want that very much." He pondered for a moment how to proceed, biting his lower lip lightly. "The question about moving is basically not really a question either. I want to move. No, that is not the whole truth as well." Again a pause arose, but Ivar gave him time, waited until Heahmund had sorted out his thoughts even though he was getting restless inside. The hands at his sides that held him grounded him. "I need to relocate. It feels strange to be back here if I'm honest. Everything reminds me of the past, and I don't think it's going to help us to look forward."

Ivar nodded in understanding, leaning his head against Heahmund's shoulder. His arms closed tightly around him and Heahmund followed his lead. He was not yet sure what to make of it, and it was far too early for his head to produce any clever thoughts. "Do you want to stay here in Norway then?"

Heahmund shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't thought about it yet. "I'm open to suggestions, but with your studies here, it might be reasonable to stay here for a while, and after you graduate we can always move again. It's not like we have to grow old in the new apartment."

"But we have to grow old together."

"Yes, I would like that. Very much so." Heahmund placed a kiss on Ivar's neck and then loosened the embrace a little, looking him in the eyes while running his hands over his sides again.

Sadness was the first thing Ivar felt when he thought about giving up this apartment. He liked it, was very attached to it. But he could understand Heahmund's point of view, and in the end, it was only a small sacrifice to leave it behind, if in return he could spend his life with Heahmund by his side.

"Maybe we can look for one that has an extra room for your little devil?"

"Why? Do you want your own room for your music?"

"I actually meant Gracie..."

"Ah, yeah, right. I was aware of that, of course." Heahmund said with a laugh as he fought back the nudge to his side. He reached for Ivar's hands and placed them on his hips, leaning in for a kiss that was meant to be a small apology, but it went far beyond that. It didn't take long and the original intention of making breakfast was forgotten. Instead of clattering dishes, passionate sounds rang out as they celebrated their love and tied new memories to the table which would hopefully drown out the painful ones a bit until they would move out and, in the best case scenario, leave them behind altogether.