#Vanessa Burns

[cardhamine]

(Just to be 100% clear, pro-shippers should block me, especially if those ships involve kiddos.)

Also, an alt version below with my AU version of Vanessa (Ava) -

(Flipped because all her scars from the wreck and subsequent surgeries are on that side.)

I didn't add the scars she gets during the last few chapters of Breached since they aren't out yet and that's Spoilers.

My main lament is that I drew this on my phone and the app I use doesn't have a good tool I can use for freckles, so the freckle-to-lady ratio is way lower than my headcanon...

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[invasiverat]

★Part 3★

Posting Drawings That I refuse To Finish, But I Attempt To Crop Out The Unfinished Parts:

I'm not giving this one a fancy title, I legitimately believe this thing is cursed.

It's been 2 months.

2 months since I started this drawing.

it only took that long because every time I attempted to finish this, something really bad would come up, and then I had to put it on the back burner. I knew what I wanted when I first started this piece. I had it all figured out and everything.

Unfortunately, we're 2 months in and I don't know what the hell to do with this anymore.

I did NOT spend two months on this, just for it to look like complete ass.

I'm posting this, without the BG, or the Frame or ANY of the other things that were in the original. I didn't even crop it, there wasn't anything to crop. if anyone wants to take this drawing and make it better, you have my permission. in fact, tag me if you do so, I would love to see this drawing(trash) put to use. just be warned, I really believe this art piece is some kinda negativity magnet, There's about a 60-40 chance you'll receive some kind of bad luck.

All I know is, I can't take it anymore - I'm done with this drawing.

I feel like that video of the grey kitten that's writhing around and screaming.

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

Sometimes i lay thinking about them

[theballadofmars]

What if Michael encounters Cassie's dad in the Pizzaplex while they're both looking for their kids (Michael and Jeremy are here for Gregory and Vanessa) and it's a bit uncomfortable because last time they spoke to each other they were sixteen and killed Evan by accident.

[castieldelamancha]

Castiel stares at Dean, standing at the doorway of his bedroom, his hands are in the pockets of his coat, one of them closed tightly around his gift.

"Okay, man, I've emptied a side of the wardrobe and a couple drawers for you," he doesn't really have any clothes yet, but Castiel appreciates the gesture immensely nevertheless, "you have your own side on this bed, you can come in." Dean doesn't even look up from the book he is currently reading and Castiel appreciates the little, if slightly annoyed, push Dean has given him to do what he has to do.

He steps in the room, closing the door behind him, "there is something I wanted you to have," he says, he takes his hands out his pockets, one empty, the other one holding the feather, Dean puts the book down and looks at him, expectantly, "before I set my grace free I had the chance to keep something of my old self with me," he walks to the bed and sits down heavily on the mattress, he opens his palm and shows the feather to Dean, jet black, glowing with the pulsating light of the last drop of his grace, that seems to shine brighter now due to its closeness to such a familiar and beloved soul for it, "I chose this feather, and I'd like you to keep it." His past is irremediably linked to Dean, as his present is and, if everything goes well, as his future will be. He is giving Dean a reminder of that, "the angel I was might be gone, but the memories we made together aren't." just like he gave him his heart a long time ago too.

Dean takes it from his open palm, reverently, cautiously, he shallows, looking at Cas with those eyes that tell him he is a bit at a loss of what to say, or what to do, even if he can tell he is also already working out where he is going to keep it so it's safe, even if the pass of time won't affect it in any way. He simply puts his arms around Cas, the tip of the feather tickling the back of his neck, he hugs back. Castiel doesn't need words to understand all Dean is telling him right now.

[xcherryerim]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

˖⁺ ⊹୨ Welcome! Thanks for coming to my masterlist. Likes, reblogs and comments are much appreciated! | Warning this contains nsfw content. Minors do not interact.

— Other links: ˖⋆࿐໋ About me ˖⋆࿐໋ Tag-list

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒎𝒔 𝒊 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 ₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Fnaf movie (Mike, William Afton, Vanessa Shelly) ₊˚⊹ ʚɞ Any adult jhutch character ₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 ₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Friends to lovers ｡･:*˚:✧｡ Enemies to lovers₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ coworkers to lovers ₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Fluff ₊ ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ angst ₊ ⊹.𖥔

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞: ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Immoral content ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ rape ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ any form of incest ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ age play ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ cnc ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ violent sex ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ beating up (slapping will only be permitted from time to time depending on the context of the story) ⊹.𖥔 ݁ ˖ feet,piss, etc kinks.

I’m probably forgetting other stuff but if it’s not mentioned then… feel free to drop wild requests! i’m open to write anything.

This is a judgment free zone!

╱ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭, 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞 𝐢’𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ╲

𝙋𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 +18, 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙮 ‘𝙬𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚’ 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩.

Last smut: ˖⁺ ⊹୨ Love Across Time ୧⊹ ⁺˖ (smut, fluff) ━━ Josh, a time traveler and savior of the world, has found himself stuck in the early 2000s and has become a teacher's assistant. Despite his best efforts to keep his distance from you, the teacher he is assisting, Josh finds himself irresistibly drawn to you. leading Josh on a journey of self-discovery and romance as he tries to navigate this new timeline. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: softdom!Josh x teacher!reader. published: July 12 edited: no ୨୧

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐭 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

A Helping Hand ୧⊹ ⁺˖ (smut, angst) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ When Mike broke his leg, it left him feeling helpless and dependent on you for basic tasks like showering. This dependence has taken a toll on his self-esteem and sense of purpose, and he's now struggling with an existential crisis. As you help him shower, you notice the deep pain and vulnerability in his eyes as he pleads for connection and physical affection. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: touch-starved Mike x gn!reader published: April 14 word count: 2.4 ୨୧

Chocolate kisses ୧⊹ ⁺˖ (smut, angst, fluff) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Feeling dejected and hopeless about love after yet another failed date, you find yourself seeking comfort with your best friend, Mike. Instead of just lending a shoulder to cry on, Mike surprises you by showing you the love and care you've been longing for over a steaming cup of hot chocolate. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: soft!dom Mike x gn!reader published: March 15 word count: 2.3k ୨୧

Roommates conflict first fic ୧⊹ ⁺˖⁺(smut, fluff) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ After weeks of tension and arguments with your roommate, you decide to spill your troubles to him. However, your plans take an unexpected turn. Suddenly, you find yourself stuck on the couch, and Mike rushes to your aid. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: soft!dom Mike x afab fem!reader. published: February 19 word count: 3.9k ୨୧

Strange fascination (mini series) ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆: After noticing your absence at school during your usual pick-up time for your brother, Mike couldn't help but worry about your well-being. In an attempt to satisfy his concern and his desire to see you, he drove near your house and parked near a nearby cafe. Peering through the cafe window, he watched your every move, secretly relishing the opportunity to catch a glimpse of you. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: stalker!Mike x gn!reader. published: March 26 finished: ?

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐡 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

A Call Away (Help, i’m still hard) ୧⊹ ⁺˖ (smut) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Josh took some pills to have some fun by himself, the harness doesn’t seem to go away so, he calls his beloved partner for help. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: sub!josh x dom gn!reader published: March 12 word count: 1.6k ୨୧

New memories ୧⊹ ⁺˖ (smut, fluff) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Sleep over with your friend, Josh, turns sexual as he plays with your chest by accident in his sleep. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: josh x afab!reader published: April 18 word count: 2k ୨୧

Love Across Time ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut, fluff) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Josh, a time traveler and savior of the world, has found himself stuck in the early 2000s and has become a teacher's assistant. Despite his best efforts to keep his distance from you, the teacher he is assisting, Josh finds himself irresistibly drawn to you. leading Josh on a journey of self-discovery and romance as he tries to navigate this new timeline. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: softdom!Josh x gn teacher!reader. published: April 21 word count: 4k ୨୧

Spilled drinks ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut, fluff) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ After many failed attempts, Josh, Tiger, and Wolf decided to change their perspective and get after the co-owner of the Kronish experiment, hoping it would finally prevent the super-cure from ever happening. Unlucky for Josh, to get after the co-owner, he needed to wear an out-of-the-comfort-zone attire in an unusual bar, where you happen to be. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: sub!Josh x gn!reader. published: April 21 word count: 4k ୨୧

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

Double the fall, triple the pleasure ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ As you work your shift as a casino host Derek Danforth, the son of the co-owner, decides to begin a round of baccarat with a stranger named Billy. Somehow you end up participating in the game and emerge victorious, causing the two players to owe you financial compensation but, they end up repaying you in another way. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing:Derek x reader x Billy. published: March 22 word count: 3.6k ୨୧

On your knees ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Derek, a person of high social standing, found himself in a troubling situation when confidential information was leaked to the public, revealing his involvement in unethical acts to advance his mother's presidential campaign. In a desperate bid to salvage his reputation and divert attention from the truth, Derek agreed to enter a Pr relationship with you. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing:Derek x gn! reader published: February 25 word count: 3.2k ୨୧

Sugar Rush ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Since the day you were introduced to Derek by his friends as a dealer, he developed an intense fascination with you. Despite his attraction, Derek had never acted on his feelings until one evening when, under the influence of a "magic powder" (cough cough), you inadvertently gave him a sign of hope. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing:Derek x afab fem!reader published: March 5 word count: 3.3k ୨୧

A Kiss On the Lips ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ As you were working your usual shift as a bartender, you couldn't help but be surprised when the well-known and wealthy Derek Danforth approached you with a charming smile. Rather than being just another patron, he seemed to be intentionally flirting with you.˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing:Derek x chubby gn!reader published: April 26 word count: 3.1k ୨୧

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

Attraction is Out of Our Controller ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ As filmmakers, you and your partner have planned to shoot an adult film in rural Texas. While working on the set, one of the actors, Billy, catches your eye and begins to have a profound effect on you. His presence triggers a range of feelings and thoughts that you didn't expect, clouding your mind and stirring up a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: Billy x gn! reader published: May 24 word count: 3.8k ୨୧

Double the fall, triple the pleasure ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ As you work your shift as a casino host Derek Danforth, the son of the co-owner, decides to begin a round of baccarat with a stranger named Billy. Somehow you end up participating in the game and emerge victorious, causing the two players to owe you financial compensation but, they end up repaying you in another way. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing:Derek x reader x Billy. published: March 22 word count: 3.6k ୨୧

Intoxicating Admiration ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ With the police hot on his trail, Billy finds himself hiding out in a grungy bar, uncertain of his next move. Deciding to lay low for a while longer, he takes a seat and starts watching as your band takes the stage. Immediately, he is captivated by your presence, drawn to you in a way he can't explain. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: Billy x gn!reader published: April 6th word count: 2.7k ୨୧

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐬 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

Forgotten Bond(age)୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ At a freshman college party, you find yourself in the same room as Clapton, the person you used to torment in high school. Despite your attempts to avoid an encounter, Clapton seems to be on the hunt for you. However, instead of seeking answers or explanations for your past actions, Clapton seems to desire something else entirely. It soon becomes clear that he's hoping to explore something else. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: Clapton x gn!reader published: March 29th word count: 3.7k ୨୧

This is a really short clapton x amab reader story

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩

Uncover (My Pretty Boy) ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ One night, after inviting your friends over to the house you share with your boyfriend Marv, you were shocked when they began speaking negatively about him. Feeling protective of Marv, you yelled at your friends to leave. Unfortunately, Marv witnessed the entire confrontation and began to feel insecure. Determined to address his insecurities, you quickly rushed to his side to provide comfort and reassurance, wanting to make him feel loved and valued. ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: Marv x gn!reader published: May 9th word count: 1.9k ୨୧

What You Deserve ୧⊹ ⁺˖ ( smut ) ━━ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ You and Mike shared a situationship, but despite your connection, you couldn't shake off the feeling of insecurity. Doubt crept in, leading you to believe that Mike might have feelings for another person, Vanessa. However, Vanessa noticed your insecurity and decided to clear the air. She approached you and reassured you that there was nothing between her and Mike, proving you wrong and alleviating your doubts.˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ pairing: Vanessa x gn!reader published: March 20th word count: 1.7k ୨୧

[strawbubbysugar]

Bethroned Chapter 1

[blizzardstarx]

TW gore, body horror:

Artfight attack against @send-me-a-puffalope of their Papillomatosis Scooped!Vanessa!

[lavenoon]

Best to let them be. Their cryptid loves them.

@naffeclipse I'm pretending Vanessa's fine once again but only to make things worse for her <3

[the-vampire-queer]

The Vampires Digital Media Poll: Round 1, Bracket 5

Please reblog for a bigger sample size.

Results get posted on December 10th. at 5PM CST.

<- Previous poll | Next poll ->

If you wish to learn more about your options, either as a refresher or an introduction, press the "Keep reading" button.

What is First Kill about?

Summary: "Falling in love is tricky for teens Juliette and Calliope because one's a vampire and the other's a vampire hunter -- and both are ready to make their first kill." Source: Rotten Tomatoes

Source: First Kill (2022)

Cast:

Sarah Catherine Hook - Juliette Fairmont

Imani Lewis - Calliope "Cal" Burns

Gracie Dzienny - Elinor Fairmont

Elizabeth Mitchell - Margot Fairmont

Aubin Wise - Talia Burns

Additional information: Despite ending in cliffhangers, First Kill was cancelled and will not get a season two. Netflix cancelled it after they decided the completion rate wasn't high enough.

What is My Babysitter's a Vampire about?

Source: My Babysitter's a Vampire

Summary: "Geeky teen Ethan Morgan has a hot baby sitter, which most teenage boys would think is a good thing. The only problem is that Ethan's baby sitter, Sarah, is half-vampire (hence the show's title). Sarah drags Ethan and his pals, Benny and Rory (who was recently turned into a vampire himself), into a world of supernatural battles against creatures from their nightmares in order to save their town from vampires. Sarah hopes to one day become human again so she can save her soul -- and so she can spend less time protecting the geeky trio." Source: Rotten Tomatoes

Cast:

Vanessa Morgan - Sarah

Matthew Knight - Ethan Morgan

Atticus Mitchell - Benny

Cameron Kennedy - Rory

Kate Todd - Erica

Additional information: Taking place just before the tv show, there was a movie by the same name. Disappointingly, the tv show was cancelled after two seasons because they were unable to renew the international license.

[puhpandas]

this is probably yet another issue that boils down to SBs state but I think mimic would have felt 100% better if they focused on the layers of security it has. like, mimic is just a rusty ass robot and has somehow survived this long and people refuse to try and kill it and trap it instead but right now it just seems frustrating bc it's a frail old robot. but I think if they would actually focus on how like, mimic KNOWS how fragile and vulnerable it is by itself so it created all those layers of security in the pizzaplex and glamrocks and vanny and rab to protect itself but keep doing what it was doing. I think thatd be so much more interesting if they framed more plots as stripping away that security instead of just "nobody has killed this thing yet and all its victims refuse to kill it for seemingly no reason"

[bonobochick]

Max & Cole in Wild Cards 1x09. 🏦 💖

[broadwaydivastournament]

Broadway Divas Tournament Bracket: Round 1B

Round 1B will commence tonight, March 9th at 6:00 p.m. EST. Send me your propaganda for any of the Divas on our list, but especially those about to make their entrance.

Round 1B: Lea Salonga vs. Christine Baranski Emily Skinner vs. Judy Kuhn Susan Blackwell vs. Harriet Harris Carmen Cusack vs. Vanessa Williams Beth Leavel vs. Donna Murphy Andrea Burns vs. Mary Beth Peil Judith Light vs. Tonya Pinkins Karen Ziemba vs. Marin Mazzie

Rules and Guidelines

Round 1A Winners

[theballadofmars]

Jeremy, Michael, and Bonnie bully: *having an existential crisis*

Meanwhile Cassie and Gregory: Erm... Hello!? We're still here! And we aren't exactly safe! Y'all can have a reunion later!

Vanessa and Gregory: Dad I think we brought grandpa back to life by accident

Jeremy: YOU WHAT?

Michael: *having war flashbacks*

Bonnie bully: having a crisis but for another reason

Cassie: Also I released something called the Mimic sorry :(

And that's how they focus on the job.

[castieldelamancha]

"I am sorry, Dean."

The whispered words make the man laying comfortably between his legs, arms wrapped around his waist, look up from where his head was resting on his stomach. Dean gives him a confused expression, that doesn't erase completely the clear contentment and satisfaction in his eyes. Castiel almost feels guiddy about the fact he was the one that made Dean feel all those things, all that wild joy, all that untamed pleasure.

Almost.

Because the guilt he has been carrying within him these days is growing too big to ignore.

"What 're you talking 'bout?" Dean asks, sleepily, head flopping down once more, he nuzzles even closer to Castiel.

Castiel keeps his hands busy, his fingers combing Dean's short hair, as his mind tries to rearrange its thoughts and words into something that will make sense to the other man.

"It's just " he starts "that I would have loved to leave something behind for you, but I didn't," Dean doesn't say anything, and Castiel is grimacing at his poor attempt at communicating his inner turmoil, but then Dean goes tense and his once relaxed and open hands close around the sheets covering them. He doesn't like to call about those days, neither does Castiel, the quiet days, as he had called them once.

A phone that never rang, Cas, as much as I stared at it, not a knock on the door, there was this silence, I didn't feel like talking either, they were just so quiet, those days.

But Castiel needs to talk about it, make it better somehow.

"I thought about leaving a letter behind, some kind of explanation, because I owned you one, and at least I could give you that, albeit rushed," he continues, " I didn't know what to say, no words were going to give you comfort, I didn't really have any material things to left for you to keep," the tape Dean gave him, Castiel thinks to himself, was something he was determined to take with him once it was time to go, and he did, "I avoided it until it happened, never able to leave something I wanted you to have, to remind you you were in my mind, what you meant to me."

He wasn't avoiding the topic, he knew well his time was going to come sooner or later, he was even at peace with it, he was going to hurt others but, if he thought of the grand scheme of things, that was never as heavy as the idea of being able to save them all if he had the chance if he weighed them on his heart's scale.

They would be better off without him, he had long convinced himself of that by then.

It was more the impossibility of seeing himself reaching that kind of happiness, that bright joy that could blind him for a moment and make him forget about everything else, the pain and struggle, the sadness. He knew well he was never going to have what he was sure could meant all that for him. He couldn't imagine the moment it would happen either, if he would be able to say goodbye or not.

He never found the words or the gesture that could give Dean peace, because he was sure he was going to mess it all up, make it all more complicated. He never found the words that could have been enough to express how big, how bright, how strong and freeing all he feels for Dean is. He has never been one for poetry and pleasantries.

"But you did." Dean says after a while, he moves away from Cas, maneuvering until he is sitting down too, facing Castiel, the back of his knees resting on Castiel's thighs.

He reaches out for him and one of his hands finds the back of Castiel's neck, squeezing firmly, the other splayed on his chest, his fingertips drumming against his collarbone.

"You don't have to apologize," but Castiel still feels he had to, and both of them know he isn't going to back down on that, "you said all those" he pauses, clearing his throat, "all those things about me, about us, all those amazing things, and you left them with me, for me to keep them safe." Only his to hear, only his to have, only his to replay as many times as he needed them. No one could have taken them for him. "You gave me a chance to see another day." He gave Dean a love like he could have never imagine could be real.

He moves his hand away from Castiel's chest and holds onto Castiel's hand, interlacing their fingers, pressing Castiel's knuckles to his cheek,

"You came back to me."

Castiel wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer to himself in a tight embrace, dipping his head down to press lingering kisses on every inch of warm, freckled, skin he can reach.