#VERY OFTEN older people stop me at markets

[nei-ning]

Had to go to near by town's market to get food for birds and rabbits since there's going to be colder days up ahead. At the right shelve was older woman who asked me where birds "fat sticks" are since she can't find them (she was short). I showed her one, saying that these are the only ones.

She said that's exactly what she was looking for. She took it, saying she just can't watch birds not having food and that she still feeds them. I said I am there to buy food for birds and wild rabbits and hares too. We ended up talking about animals, how she feeds birds (like I do), what birds there are at her yard etc. She also said she has 2 year old cat. She described it: "It is SSSSOOOO SOFT! That long silky fur. It always sleeps in my lap and by my feet on the bed."

We ended up talking about cats and how we both have done the hard decision of putting our beloved cats down when was their time to go. She said she doesn't understand people who are mean to animals, abuse them etc. I said I don't get it either and that's one thing in life which pisses me off - a lot.

She then told me how she used to work as interleaver (at cowhouse). Once the owner had hit a cow without any reason and this granny had flared up at him. She had instantly tell him to give that branch to her so that she can hit him back. Never again did the man hit his cow in her presence at least. She said she's never been afraid to speak her mind and defend animals and I LOVE HER for that!

She coughed a lot at times, damning it. I asked if she has any allergies which could cause that and she looked at me laughing: "I am allergic to life." Ahaha, what a lady! :'D

We chatted some more until she started to cough more so I said I will let her leave and rest. Tho, I noticed she had olive oil in her cart so I added: "Perhaps take a sip of olive oil to moist your throat."

She laughed and said: "I will take big sips and oil myself." :'D

But honestly, what a woman! She was 83 years old and so wonderful personality based on this short conversation, ahah! I wish her all the very best! <3

[bvidzsoo]

Your desire

⬦Sugar daddy!Seonghwa⬦

TW: suggestive

Word count: 3,9k

A/N: I hate the grip Ateez has on me, I have never ever written so many drabbles or whatever, I'm a long story kinda gal but here they are...torturing me. Anyways, Seonghwa went ahead and posted on IG today and when I saw him my mind instantly went omg that's some sugar daddy vibes, idk why, don't ask, thank you. Feedback is very much so appreciated! Enjoy!

            I really would have never imagined a year ago that I would be attending such an event like this one. It was even shocking to myself. But it looked like I was the only one who felt out of place as the people surrounding me seemed to know each other as they indulged in small talk and friendly chatter as if they were old friends catching up. The silky dress felt too tight against my skin and I couldn’t help but pull on it, hoping by some miracle that it would loosen up and wouldn’t wrap around my ribs as it was trying to suffocate me. The little golden purse I clutched in my hands tightly was expensive, too expensive, an item I could’ve never afforded by myself. I wasn’t into fancy things, so even if I could’ve afforded it at some point in life, I still wouldn’t have purchased it. The faces of people seemed to merge into one as I took a sip of my champagne, smiling politely when the older man next to me pointed his glass in my direction before taking a sip himself. I wished I were invisible, but the red dress and the red matching lips only placed me in the spotlight. And if it weren’t for my outfit, being by the side of Park Seonghwa, a successful and young CEO, definitely put me in the spotlight. I could feel the curious gazes of men and women alike, even the envy as some whispered as Seonghwa and I glided through the crowd, wanting to reach the bar. He said he needed something strong, perhaps some whiskey, as the people around us were giving him a headache. Currently, we were conversing with an elderly pair who were big names in the makeup industry, Choi San having joined us not too long ago. He was a rising CEO, almost always in the spotlight, as his magazine was becoming bigger and bigger, visited by more and more celebrities lately. He was Seonghwa’s biggest competitor, constantly challenging him publicly and often mentioning him when it had nothing to do with Seonghwa. Choi San liked to provoke people and taunt, living off of the hate and attention directed his way. I didn’t need to have a PhD in psychology to spot all these things, it was clear as day as he flashed his white teeth in the direction of the elderly pair, bragging about last month’s issue and how much money it made. The elderly pair didn’t seem too impressed, but they congratulated him before diverting their attention back onto Seonghwa, who was patiently waiting for San to stop his theatrics. If I wouldn’t have known Seonghwa so well, I would’ve never known he was irritated, his jaw barely clenched, grip just a little too tight on his glass of champagne. I quietly cleared my throat, getting his attention. His round eyes watched me, face devoid of any emotion, but the glimmer in his eyes assured me that he was feeling fine. I offered him a small smile and his cheeks twitched before he looked away, focusing back on the elderly pair. They were laughing about something I didn’t bother paying attention to, eyes falling on an already staring Choi San as I took another sip of my champagne. It almost made me choke; I couldn’t deny that he was a good-looking man, but I only had eyes for Seonghwa. At least for now.

“I’ve heard about the deal you made with an American firm,” San spoke up with a smirk, one eyebrow raised in Seonghwa’s direction, “Congratulations, breaking through on the American market isn’t something easy.”

Seonghwa chuckled, but it lacked humor, “San, when I made my breakthrough on the American market you were still running around, trying to find a headquarter for your company.”

The elderly pair laughed at the very harmless jab, but San’s smirk slightly faded, annoyed by Seonghwa’s comeback. He was probably right, but I wouldn’t know, I have never been interested in their world of business.

“You look gorgeous, Y/N.” The sudden shift of conversation made me tense as the eyes of four people fell on me, San’s a little hungrier than the rest. I forced a smile on my face, grip tightening on the glass of champagne. I wished the dress didn’t show as much cleavage as it did, and that my hair wasn’t in a low bun, unable to cover my shoulders, “Isn’t that necklace—”

“The latest Saint Laurent Teardrop Chain Links Necklace?” Seonghwa raised an eyebrow before taking a sip of his whiskey, “It is, San. And it’s custom made.”

San’s eyes fell back one me and I cleared my throat, feeling awkward, as the elderly lady eyed me a little bit suspiciously, I felt obliged to speak up, “It’s not something I usually wear, but Seonghwa insisted.”

“I think I have seen that dress on a magazine cover, not too long ago.” The elderly lady noted, eyes narrowed at me. I felt like they could tell how poor I actually was compared to them. It felt like a paper with the words ‘intruder’ was glued to my back and everyone was staring, pointing their fingers at me, or whispering vile things. I gulped, but before I could speak up, I felt an arm sneak around my shoulders, squeezing my arm lightly.

“You have seen it right, then, Mrs. Eom, it was on my magazine.” Seonghwa said with a smirk, sending me a wink which made me slightly blush. The day he saw it on the mannequin he sent me a picture and texted me that he’d get it for me. I refused, because it was truly too much and it also cost a lot, and also, I didn’t really have a fitting event where I would wear it to. So, I guess Seonghwa had to do something about that and that’s how I was dragged along to this fundraiser for disabled people. This wasn’t something which had been in the contract I have signed two months ago, but I didn’t dare bring it up when Seonghwa showed up to my apartment in the morning, holding two designer boxes and a designer paper bag. He said he didn’t have time to have breakfast with me, but he expected to see me in the evening, wearing everything he handed me. Before I could accept or refuse him, he was running off, phone at his ear as he spoke to someone important. I could only sigh and hope for a dinner in a very fancy restaurant, instead I found myself at a place infested with very important and insanely rich people. I was sure I even saw the prime minister like half an hour ago.

“Oh, delightful!” Mrs. Eom exclaimed, but no emotion came through her voice, eyes watching me almost accusingly. Why did an old hag have beef with me when she didn’t even know me? Before I could say something inappropriate, Seonghwa gave my shoulder another squeeze, swiftly taking his arm off my body. He seemed to know me well too, a glance at my face and he was able to tell what I was feeling and thinking. We hadn’t spent too much time together in these past two months, but it felt like we understood each other on a deeper level, beyond words even. I looked around as the orchestra started playing, the front of the room slightly clearing as people made place for those dancing. My eyes fell back onto Seonghwa, and as his eyes were trained somewhere else, I dared staring at him openly. He was an absolutely gorgeous man, breathtaking even. His black hair was slicked back with three strands framing the right side of his face, longer strands than the others poking around on his nape. His shoulders were relaxed yet his posture was straight and proper. His silky black shirt, with three buttons undone at the top, was tucked inside his black dress pants, an Yves Saint Laurent belt keeping his outfit together. The black velvet coat reached just bellow his thighs and his Yves Saint Laurent shoulder bag had been disregarded a while ago at the table we sat at. Despite my obvious staring, Seonghwa remained oblivious to it, however, San didn’t. His eyes were narrowed and lips pulled into a grin as we made eye contact. My cheeks burned and I quickly averted my eyes. Catching feelings wasn’t written into the contract, or what would happen if Seonghwa and I did fall for each other, a thing which was far from happening. I wasn’t in love with him, but I had eyes, and I found him extremely attractive. Whether he was dressed up or wore something casual, Seonghwa always looked spectacular. As a waiter passed with a tray in their hands, San quickly placed his empty glass on it and cleared his throat, interlacing his hands in front of himself.

“Miss Y/N, may I have the honor to dance with you first tonight?” San’s eyebrows were raised as he looked at me with a smirk and I stared at him without a reaction. Was I allowed to dance with him? Seonghwa was right next to me, he certainly wouldn’t like that. And I didn’t want to dance with him either, he sometimes made me feel very uncomfortable with his unnecessary comments and over the top compliments. But before anyone could interject, San took two steps towards me and then grabbed my left hand carefully, a smile erupting on his face, “Come.”

And before I could refuse him, he was pulling me after himself, making me hand my purse over to Seonghwa in a hurry as San lead the way to the dance floor. I felt awkward as curious eyes watched us, some people greeting San as we passed by. His grip turned firm and I could feel my palm get sweaty as I braced myself for what was to come. It couldn’t be that bad, besides, I would only dance with him for a short amount of time before I would excuse myself to the bathroom in hopes of getting away from him. San stopped in the center, facing me with a charming smile, sharp eyes watching me closely. I cleared my throat and placed my hand on his shoulder, allowing his hand on my lower back to pull me closer towards himself. I slightly tensed, but willed myself to relax in his arms. I didn’t quite enjoy dancing with Seonghwa’s competitor and biggest rival, especially not when I knew how much distaste Seonghwa had towards San.

“Fancy seeing you here tonight, Y/N,” San spoke up as he swayed us to the slow beat of the orchestra, “I didn’t think you’d attend such an event.”

San didn’t know what type of relationship was between Seonghwa and I, but he has seen us together quite often, always bugging Seonghwa whether I was his girlfriend or not. I most certainly wasn’t.

“It came as a surprise to me as well.” I admitted quietly, focusing on not stepping on San’s feet or on my own dress. The high heels were also slightly uncomfortable, I couldn’t help but be hyperaware of every move I made.

“So, Seonghwa didn’t plan on bringing you along, huh?” A satisfied smirk made it onto San’s face and I sighed, looking over his shoulder.

“He most certainly did since I’m here, don’t you think?” I couldn’t help but slightly snap, sending him the smallest glare as we made eye contact.

“Of course,” San chuckled, pulling his eyebrows up, “he wouldn’t want to leave behind his eye candy.”

His comment didn’t sit well with me, but I just bit the inside of my cheek and let it go, not wanting to give San the satisfaction of seeing me annoyed. He waited a few more seconds, probably thinking I was formulating my answer, but when the silence continued to stretch on, San chuckled to himself, looking amused as I dared take a glance at him.

“Everything you’re wearing tonight is quite expensive, isn’t it?” He continued, eyes running over my frame. It certainly felt uncomfortable as I could easily spot the lust in them as his eyes stayed a little too long on my exposed collarbones.

“Yes, they were expensive.” I hummed, looking over his shoulder when San glanced at my face.

“Bought them yourself?” His tone feigned innocence, but the smirk on his lips made it obvious that he was prodding and jabbing, “Didn’t think a university student could afford all of these things, to be honest.”

I gulped as my throat felt suddenly dry, heartrate picking up. Of course I couldn’t afford what I was wearing tonight, two months ago I could barely pay rent and the tuition fees for my course at the university. Seonghwa seemed like an angel in disguise at the time, however, lately I’ve been feeling guilty for accepting all of his money instead of trying to make some myself. In my defense, my itinerary was so packed I could barely find a place which would hire me even half norm, it was frustrating.

“Some of these were gifts.” I opted to answer, clearing my throat when San’s fingers slightly dug into my lower back, pulling me even closer to himself. Our bodies were almost touching, his musky scent invaded my nostrils. I certainly didn’t like it.

“You know,” He spoke up again, eyebrows furrowed, “Seonghwa is quite known for changing partners after like…half a year, I guess his standards are too high or something. Unless…”

My heartbeat paused for a second as I looked San in the eyes, “Unless, you’re not his girlfriend but his whore—”

“I think you’ve spent enough time with Y/N for a lifetime, Choi San.” The sudden harsh voice made me flinch as I carefully peeled myself away from San, heart beating like crazy as I turned my head. I was met with a furious looking Seonghwa, kind eyes pulled into slits as he glared San down, jaw clenched. I noticed the people around us glancing our way, and when my eyes fell on San his chest was puffed out and eyes challenging as he stared down the taller man.

“Seonghwa,” I whispered and curled my fingers around his bicep, getting his attention, “He’s not worth causing a scene, let it go.”

His eyes bore into mine as I heard San scoff at my words, but before he could open his annoying mouth and say something else, Seonghwa gripped the hand I had around his bicep and peeled it off, hand slipping to my wrist as he turned around and took off, steps hurried. I struggled to keep up with him in my high heels and even ran into someone, having to hastily apologize as Seonghwa wasn’t stopping anytime soon. I noticed the direction we were storming in, the restrooms. I gulped and realized Seonghwa was angry and needed time away from everyone, probably to give me a lecture and break off the contract we had. I could only hope he wouldn’t ask for the money back; I couldn’t remember if that was a clause or not in the contract. We rounded the corner and Seonghwa kicked the door of the restroom open with his foot, shoulders raising and falling rapidly as we entered the men’s restroom. A guy, who looked like security, was washing his hands, pausing when he noticed us.

“Sir—”

“Get out.” Seonghwa’s voice was low as he glared at the poor security guard, who seemed to be speechless for a few seconds.

“This is the men’s restroom—”

“And I said, get out.” Seonghwa emphasized his words again, staring daggers at the unbudging security guard, seemingly a glaring match breaking out between them. My nerves were rising, and I tapped my heel against the floor, biting my lower lip when nobody moved.

“Seonghwa.” I called out for him, but he didn’t look away from the security guard. However, the man broke his staring contest and looked at me, taken aback.

“Park Seonghwa?” He asked amazed and as I nodded, he quickly bowed his head and scurried out, making me let out a long sigh. My shoulders slouched forward as I pulled my hand out of Seonghwa’s, which made him whirl around and look at me with a sharp stare. I gulped and suddenly felt small underneath his eyes as his fury was directed at me only.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to dance with San, but I don’t think I had much of a chance,” I found myself explaining quickly, “And I didn’t want to cause a scene which would damage your reputation.”

Seonghwa took in a deep breath before releasing it, jaw clenching, “You’re not my whore, Y/N, you’re my sugar baby.”

I bit my lower lip, the term still making me feel slightly uncomfortable. I don’t think I could ever get used to it. I looked at the floor as Seonghwa sighed loudly again, realizing that he was angry at San and not me, having overheard his words.

“Yeah, I know.” I muttered as I saw Seonghwa’s polished shoes come into view as I was still looking down.

“You didn’t want to come tonight and I forced you into coming, I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and he looked guilty as I looked up at him, eyebrows furrowing.

“You didn’t force me, what are you talking about?” I asked confused.

“I saw how uncomfortable you were feeling all night.” He explained, playing with the rings on his fingers, “I also should’ve chosen a dress less revealing knowing your preferences, I’m sorry for that too—”

“Seonghwa, this dress is gorgeous!” I said with a chuckle as I pointed at it, hands shimmying down my hips, “Albeit a bit too revealing, and too expensive, but it’s beautiful and I appreciate your gesture, I hope you know that. Regardless of how I’ve been feeling tonight.”

Seonghwa gulped and took a step closer, eyes running over my frame before he looked back up into my eyes, “You are gorgeous, not the dress, Y/N. That’s just a piece of fabric.”

My cheeks flushed at his words and I averted my eyes shyly, feeling Seonghwa’s soft fingers grip my chin as he made me look at him again. He stepped even closer and his warmth wrapped around me, fruity scent enveloping me and making me shiver. Seonghwa certainly noticed as he studied my face for a reaction, but I was trying hard to contain the fluster I was feeling and my frantic heartbeat.

“Our contract is coming to an end next month,” Seonghwa whispered, as if he was afraid anyone would hear us, there was nobody but us inside the spacious and marble covered restroom, “Let’s extend it for another six months.”

“Six months?” I asked surprised, remembering well that Seonghwa’s contracts only lasted for three months. He hummed and nodded as he closed the gap between our bodies, tilting my head slightly up. It was rare that he stood so close and held me so boldly. We were rarely physical with each other, the occasional hand holding and kisses on the cheeks happened when I was feeling down or Seonghwa was feeling tired, and we made out a couple of times here and there when we were drunk. The contract made it clear that everything had to be consensual and if one person refused, it shouldn’t be brought up until they were ready to talk about it or made it obvious that they wanted it to happen. Seonghwa was a respectful and well-mannered man, there were few others like him, if none at all. My lips slightly parted as Seonghwa’s eyes fell on my lips and I closed my eyes when he started leaning in slowly, lips pressing against mine carefully, experimentally. It was so light that if I were to pull away, it felt like it never happened, but instead, I pressed myself firmly against him, Seonghwa’s hand coming to hold the side of my face. Our lips moved slowly against each other, testing, searching, savoring the other’s lips. My hands rested against his chest as his free hand went to hold my waist, slowly slipping to the place where San held onto earlier, my lower back. This time, goosebumps erupted on my skin and I slightly shuddered against Seonghwa as his long fingers dug into my skin, his lips picking up pace. I matched his feverish kisses, desperately wanting to tangle my fingers into the hair against his nape, but not wanting to mess up his hairstyle, so instead, I gripped the collar of his velvet coat, my other hand going around his shoulder. Seonghwa pulled me into himself totally, chests pressing together painfully as he sucked on my lower lip, carefully pressing his tongue against my mouth. I understood what he wanted and parted my lips for him, granting him access as he tilted my head up even more, hands clutching onto me firmly, his tongue carefully exploring my warm mouth. He tasted like the whiskey he had been drinking, and cherry. He loved cherry candies; he had probably eaten one not long before. My nose pushed against his cheek as our tongues tangled together, lapping at each other, a fire ignited inside me as my hand slipped up to his nape. Before I could second guess myself, I allowed my fingers to tangle into the short strands and I tugged on them, Seonghwa’s hand abruptly slipping down to my ass as he gave it a firm squeeze, making me gasp into his mouth. He took that momentum to suck on my tongue and suddenly my knees felt weak from the lack of air, but not just. I could devour him right here, but that wasn’t very lady like, nor too smart. Anyone could enter the restroom anytime. And despite the urgency in Seonghwa’s kiss, he sucked on my lower lip as he pulled back, pressing his forehead against mine. He was panting and I had to wipe the corner of my mouth as saliva threatened to drip down.

“Let’s do six months.” I rasped out, in the process of catching my breath. As I opened my eyes, I watched as Seonghwa’s teeth was attached to his plump lower lip, a deep hum leaving his throat as he agreed with my final answer.

“Good, I’ve still got a lot to offer to you.” He said as he opened his eyes and a smile instantly appeared on his lips. And then, his finger was rubbing underneath my lower lip and the corner of my mouth, chuckling as my own eyes fell onto Seonghwa’s unnaturally red lips. It made me blush as I allowed him to fix me up, hand giving my ass another squeeze, making me gasp as I jumped. The amused smile disappeared from his lips as a pleased smirk took its place.

“Let’s dance?” He asked and I nodded wordlessly, mesmerized by his voice and eyes as Seonghwa took a step back, hands falling from my body as I detached myself from him too, gulping nervously. He extended a hand and I placed my palm in his, fingers intertwining as he lead us towards the door.

I wouldn’t mind having Seonghwa as my sugar daddy for another six months, not if he would kiss me again and again like he kissed me tonight.

Masterlist (divider)

[spacebabesuki]

I can’t believe that right now, at this very moment, I'm choosing an outfit for the author photo of my book. MY BOOK, omg...It all feels so surreal, I still can’t wrap my head around it. After 11 years of writing for strangers online—people who meant the world to me—I never thought I’d actually be capable of something like this. I wish my 12-year-old self, alone, with a face full of pimples, always looking for comfort in books and writing her little fanfics on a notes app, could know that one day we’d be able to pull this whole dream off.

I don’t even care if it’s not a success, if it doesn’t sell, or if only my dad buys it; I’m just so happy because it’s happening—it’s starting to happen, and I never thought it would. Even if it takes another 10 years, just being able to call myself a writer will be enough.

Only I know how many times I made vision boards while studying for a completely different career, convinced this dream wasn’t possible. How many days have I cried at work, watching my ideas get taken by older men? And that’s why I finally decided to stop crying and go after this for real. We never know what’s going to happen, and I’m terrified, but at the same time, I know this is just the start of something that could really surprise me.

I can’t believe I’ve already received the draft of the cover. This is all insane, and maybe—just maybe—I’m not as terrible a writer as I always thought. Crying right now, and as the overly emotional little girl I’ve always been, I know this is only the first of many happy tears.

This may sound silly, but dream on. Dream until your dreams come true 🤎༄˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔*:・ ☕🍂🧸 🍂☕️🍁 🤎🍂

This book couldn’t possibly be more me—it has all the things I love most (hellcheer vibes too, of course), and I’m so excited for people to read it. I just hope that the opening paragraph about the 2008 New York Stock Market crash doesn’t scare anyone away from diving into the wild ride these 700 pages are going to be, lol. <3

And maybe—just maybe—if I can find enough interested readers, we might even have an English version on Amazon down the line. <3 That’s why I’m working on building a community here too, sharing my writing more often and putting myself out there.

I put together a little mood board because I’m so excited for life and the coming months; I can’t wait for the fall of 2025 here in Brazil!!!

[dangraccoon]

Depends

Week 6 ~ first date ~ hot cocoa ~

Word Count: 733 Content: fluff, little old twi'lek lady that has adopted Wolffe and Fox, first date, first kiss, flirting in mando'a

@clone-wars-winter-challenge

Language Guide:

Mando'a: kih'sarad - little flower gar naritir te ka'ra at dush'kote, sa ratiin - you put the stars to shame, as always

Ryl: bacarkani nerra - grumpy brother dan si'hklesi vrima! - you stupid boy! gruuvan shaal - traditional Twi'lek dish of meat, vegetables, and flowers on a wooden skewer

Your fingers tapped idly against your hips in your pockets as you gazed out over the crowd. They rushed around as you watched, bustling from shop to shop to gather their necessities before the holidays.

You glanced down at the data pad in your hand. You chuckled to yourself. He was late. You had every confidence he’d be along soon, but you knew for a fact that he’d slipped up and mentioned your rendezvous to the wrong people.

You could practically hear Sinker and Boost’s relentless taunts–and the irritable growls that Wolffe would give in response. 

“Kih’sarad,” that familiar voice called from behind you. You couldn’t help the flutter in your belly as you turned around. 

“Wolffe,” you smiled as you turned to greet him. He was still in his armor–not that he really had anything beside it and his dress greys–with his helmet tucked under his arm.

Something shifted in his expression that you couldn’t quite name as his gaze dragged down and back up your body. You could feel your cheeks flush as they always did around him. 

“Gar naritir te ka'ra at dush'kote, Kih’sarad,” he murmured, taking your hand in his to place a soft kiss on it. “Sa ratiin.”

As you searched his mismatched eyes, you found nothing but complete sincerity. He gazed into your soul with an expression you couldn’t describe as anything but sheer adoration. For a few moments, you forgot how to breathe, let alone recognize any of the soft mando’a words he’d spoken.

“What does that mean?” you breathed.

Wolffe smirked. “Where’s the fun in telling you now?” He offered his arm and you took it, letting him lead you through the busy market square. 

He’d been very tight-lipped about where he was taking you–if he hadn’t been, you were sure you’d have at least one member of the Wolfpack on your tail.

The restaurant he’d led you to was a tiny, hole-in-the-wall place. A chime sounded as the door slid open. 

“Who izit?” a raspy voice called from the back room. 

You looked up at Wolffe as he grinned. “Who else, Zetve?”

From the door appeared a short twi’lek woman. She adjusted the glasses on her face as she squinted at him. “Wulffe,” she scolded as she hobbled up to him. “You said you would visit more often! I ‘ave seen zhat bacarkani nerra of your more een the last week than I ‘ave of you een the last month!”

You couldn't help but smile as the older woman scolded him, her cane tapping his chest plate as she ranted about her repeated visits with “Vox”. You could tell he was suppressing his laughter.

“Oh, yes,” she grumbled. “It is so funny.” She smacked his side, aiming for the flexible–and softer–armor at his waist. “And you ‘ave not introduced me to zhis lovely girl!”

He smiled, eyes shining with pride as he informed her of your name. “She is my date for the evening.”

Zetve’s eyes went wide behind the thick lenses of her glasses. “Dan si’hklesi vrima!” she gasped. “You should be taking ‘er to a nice place!”

“I am,” he insisted. “You have the best gruuvan shaal on Coruscant.”

You chuckled as she eyed him suspiciously, but waved him off with a grumble, heading back to the kitchen.

He led you to one of the few small tables, pulling out one of the chairs for you.

After your meal–and a smidge more grumbling aimed in Wolffe’s direction from Zetve–he walked you home.

“So,” you said as you stopped in front of your apartment building.

“So?”

You smiled. “Are you going to tell me what you said in the market?”

Wolffe’s ears tinged pink. “Would you believe me if I said I’d hoped you forgot about that?”

You giggled. “Maybe. I still want to know.”

“Well, it depends,” he sighed.

“On?”

“Will you let me kiss you goodnight as a thank you for a wonderful first date?”

Your heart pounded in your chest as you nodded.

His hand rose to cup your cheek, warming it through his glove. Then his lips pressed softly against yours and the endless noise of Coruscant faded away. You could taste hints of the nubussian cocoa he’d gotten at Zetve’s.

Your eyes stayed closed as he pulled away, his cheek brushing against yours.

“You put the stars to shame,” he whispered, soft breaths curling around your ear. “As always.”

Language Guide:

Mando'a: kih'sarad - little flower gar naritir te ka'ra at dush'kote, sa ratiin - you put the stars to shame, as always

Ryl: bacarkani nerra - grumpy brother dan si'hklesi vrima! - you stupid boy! gruuvan shaal - traditional Twi'lek dish of meat, vegetables, and flowers on a wooden skewer

« Previous Week Next Week »

Thanks for reading! - River

TCW Winter Spectacular Prompt Challenge Master List DangRaccoon Masterlist Taglist Form Read on AO3

Tags: @nekotaetae @lokigirlszendaya @get-wr3ckered @jediknightjana @idoubleswearimawriter @lucyysthings @unstable-kiwi @6oceansofmoons @l3xi3luv @savebytheodoresnonjosestuff @winter-phoenix1995 @nomercyforthewarrior @padawancat97 @wishyouthetest @flowered-bicycles @error6gendernotfound @techs-goggles9902

[delta-gambit-au]

SYNERGY

“We were a good team. They knew the best strategies and they listened to my ideas with an open mind. It was the recipe for their success, earning a nice promotion within the company and making me proud. Being the talk of our co-workers was the cherry on top.” — Spam

It takes effort to create something that was never seen before. It takes guts to keep pushing forward with that never before seen idea that is not aligned with any of the current trending standards. You know that people will not take it seriously, but that shouldn’t deter you from delivering more and more of it. In time everything will click into place, and you will be glad that you haven't stopped when you started to hesitate along the way. It’s daunting, and at the same time, discouraging. But moving forward is the only way, the only path. I think the Addisons of my AU has shown me a lot of that, that ideas can’t bloom if they aren’t sown before, even if they look ugly and dull at first. To keep nurturing them alone is very hard, but one day the effort will pay off and no regrets will come to bite you back.

Anyway, the backstory of Spamton and his Addison co-workers has a very storied past. Slowly I’m gleaning some of what he was, how he got to know his friends, why the White Addisons are a dying breed and why he was forced to change his name and his own archetype to stick it to the system. You might be surprised of all the stuff Spam needed to do in order to survive, but for now, concept arts of ideas and research is all what I have to share about that.

I’m weaving a very deep story behind the origins of Spam and the forces controlling the market of Cyber World and the life of the Cyberians, and why the law forbids any direct contact with Lightners (that was before Kris and friends dropped by). Spam here is just a number, subject #451, one of many. All look the same. All do the same. All have no interests beyond the success of the company in which they grew up to become another white-collared walking utility. Everything would change when he receives an invitation to a cyber-grill to meet with one of the marketing groups he was assigned to. It was the beginning of change, and the start of his voluntary corruption. That's as much as I can say 👀 Oh, also I found out while sprucing their profiles that Sears and Spam share the same birthday day, 3rd of May, though Sears is 5 years older than Spam as they were born in 1973 😅They are the oldest of the Addison group, and that makes them the butt of jokes sometimes.

I need to explore some art-style in order to give substance to this part of the plot and tweak its world-building, which will be unlockable flashbacks in the visual-novel. There's also a new character villain I'm trying to breath life to who appears during the epilogue of the first season. I hope people will like to see a new villain Darkner. He's also another walking DAEMON like Spwatchton but this one works for the LOCAL-SYS whereas Spwatchton is one of the undercover rebels.

Sorry if my content is coming out slow or half-baked. I'm still concept-arting and being nagged at the same time by RL more often than not. Yesterday I had yet another doctor appointment to go to and this week should be my ophthalmologist...

I also... joined the Art Fight of this year... My first time doing this. Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to be very active, I'm going to fill everything with Addisons and other Darkners from my AU to force myself to make their character profiles and see if anybody would do fanart of them (who doesn't like to get fanarts of their OCs? 😅)

As of other updates, we are expecting a final interview with a good company next week that seemed pretty interested in us as we fit their profile well. Fingis crossed! 🤞

[topaz-witch-tea]

HIIHIHHIHIHIHIHI I LOVE UR AU SO MUCH SNMBNHEBH

anyways is it alright to know what Yanqing's relationship is with like Fu Xuan, Tingyun, Sushang or the trailblazer? thank you!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Of course! This is a super interesting ask so thank you for sending it. I really enjoyed answering this since it had me thinking about Yanqing's relationships with those outside of his family.

Fu Xuan

Yanqing has known Fu Xuan his entire life. She had been the Master Diviner before he was born and a close friend of Jing Yuan. Of course, she is always pressuring him to retire, saying that he would be much more suited and happier staying at home and taking care of Yanqing. When Jing Yuan brought Yanqing back from the battlefield, she was tasked with figuring out his origin. She thought adopting a baby would be good for the three, but she personally did not like babies. She's a very much a "they are cute from afar" kind of person.

As he grows older, their relationship could be compared to an older cat now having to deal with an annoying kitten that won't stop climbing everywhere. Fu Xuan would sometimes be asked to watch Yanqing at the last minute if there was truly no one available, so it would be her trying to do her work as Yanqing runs around the commission trying to touch everything. When he joins the Cloud Knights, he is still very polite in his interactions with her but also displays the same impatience he had as a child- slowly ignoring her lectures and sometimes even zoning out in the middle of them.

Yanqing, surprisingly, doesn't take offense to her attempt to get his father to retire. Fu Xuan had pressured him for so long that Yanqing has just gotten used to it. He knows Fu Xuan will succeed as General anyways so he's just chalked it up to her personality.

But at the end of the day, they still care and respect each other.

Tingyun

Same with Fu Xuan, Yanqing has known Tingyun for a long time. Tingyun was taken into Yukong's care after she showed little aptitude for the military despite her parent's hopes. At the same time, Qingni attended school with Yanqing, with Qingni being 2 grades above him. On days where she would pick Qingni up from school, she would also pick up Yanqing and take the both of them out to eat.

"All the people you are around are old and their tastes are very much set in stone. You should take the time to try new thing!" Was her justification for taking them out to try new cuisine.

As Yanqing got older and his interest in swords grew, Tingyun would be the one getting him into private auctions or discovering new merchants that might interest him. Yanqing, who has very few friends, considers Tingyun one of his closest. She's always introducing him to new things that are outside of his work as a Cloud Knight.

Sushang

Yanqing meets Sushang when she is transferred to the Luofu. At the time, he had been a lieutenant for 3 months but due to his young age and inexperience, was not given full control of his own platoon. However, he was tasked with training the new recruits where he met Sushang. The two hit it off and became really good friends. They train together and after lesson, are often seen hanging out in the night market.

Yanqing also finds himself able to confide his worries to Sushang. Her mother had trained her from a young age and put a lot of pressure on her to succeed. For Yanqing, he is held down just the legacy of his family and his desire to repay them for everything they've done for him. While they do not expect it from him, Yanqing believe that the only way to repay them back for their efforts in raising and training him is for him to succeed on the battlefield.

Trailblazer

The Trailblazer (Stelle and Caelus) are twins and still continue their life on the Astral Express. Yanqing knows them as Dan Feng's friends. 200 years before his parents had gotten married, the High Cloud Quintet went their separate way as their dreams and goals had changed. Yingxing had left to explore and find way to improve his forging. Baiheng and Jingliu had left for explore as well. Dan Feng, curious about the power of the Ambrosial Arbor and tired of the Preceptors oversight, placed Bailu in charge and left in search of a solution to move his people forward. Only Jing Yuan was left on the Luofu due to his position as General.

During his 100 year journey, he joined the Astral Express and traversed the universe in hoped of understanding the power that made him and his friends immortal. This is where he met the twins, who were taken in by Himeko as a favor for Kafka. Even though he later returned home, he still kept in touch with them and they would visit the Luofu occasionally.

Yanqing loves hanging around them. They're fun and are always willing to engage with him whether it be sparring or traversing through the city. In turn, they see themselves as the fun aunt and uncle. However, in the eyes of Dan Feng, they are the worst babysitters and will never be asked to babysit again.

After being tasked with babysitting for a day, they had taught Yanqing that is it absolutely fine to love trashcans and for a child who was reaching the age where everything ended up in their mouth. This was a nightmare as Yanqing spent the next 2 months trying to eat things off the ground and from the trash.

I hope you like it! If you want me to expand on things or just want to ask me other questions, feel free to message me or send an ask!

Thank you!!!

[cinemaseeker]

Let's Review: Barbie

FAIR WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Barbie.

No other singular female name invokes quite as many various feelings, to such varying degrees, as Barbie. And very few names are quite as ubiquitous as Barbie (no really, name anyone you know who's never owned a Barbie at least once in their lifetime). And as with any ubiquitous entity, people are going to try and take their best shot, hoping to bring them down to our level.

Make no mistake, this movie is meant to reintroduce Barbie to a new generation of consumers. You will, more likely than not, want to buy a Barbie doll or other Mattel product either before or after watching this movie, either for yourself or for any child you know. This movie effectively serves as a mass market rebranding of Barbie, pivoting her from the poster girl for unrealistic body image/impossible feminine beauty standards to a vehicle for individuality and female empowerment.

Barbie is now all things to all people (anyone can be Barbie!), but all those things are still Barbie. However, as most of us know, a friend to all is a friend to none. If you are all things to all people, then you are effectively nothing, an empty vessel for others to project themselves onto. And indeed, even this new re-vamped Barbie can be validly viewed as a vapid vehicle for the consumer's own dreams and desires, leaving very little to no room for Barbie to have any dreams of her own.

And yet this movie still dares to ask: can a corporate capitalist product, whether it's a mass marketed toy or a Hollywood movie starring that toy, ever be a good thing, a force for positive change? Can subversive feminist messages stick stronger with audiences, especially its youngest and most impressionable viewer, if we cover it in a pink candy coating? Just give it a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down?

After all, this new Barbie now comes with her own existential crisis and has to deal with scary realities such as cellulite, aging, and *gasp* FLAT FEET (a hilarious bit of family-friendly body horror).

Not to mention a growing awareness of mortality.

To answer Barbie's question: yes. Yes, I do think about dying. We all think about dying at some point. And perhaps more importantly, our kids are starting to think about dying. I would not be surprised if there is even a single kid out there who has asked this question during playtime through their own Barbie. And for many good reasons. The world is a mess right now. Don't even get me started.

It feels like kids and adults alike are more anxious than ever and this new Barbie can certainly relate to that anxiety, even if it's not necessarily her own (it belongs to the girl playing with her). But it turns out that it's the girl's mom Gloria (America Ferrera) who's really struggling and needs Barbie's help, if only by using Barbie as a means of working through her own dissatisfaction as a working wife and mother.

This movie reminds us that we don't stop worrying about things just because we grow up. If anything, we find more things to worry about as we get older. But adults often don't get the same kind of comfort that we give to children; we're just supposed to suck it up and tough it out, but sometimes all we wanna do is stay in our rooms and play with our toys, just like we did when we were kids. Especially if we're girls, since the world is significantly much harder for us to deal with in a society that constantly polices and critiques girls and women (Gloria's speech about the impossible, and often double, standards imposed upon women is a highlight of the movie and should be required viewing for all humans)

But Barbie helps us feel like kids again.

Throughout the entire movie, Greta Gerwig and her team manage to recapture the joy of playing with Barbies with an obviously loving attention to detail. Barbie Land is that now-rare fantasy world that doesn't require a factual explanation but runs on a strong engine of internal logic that makes sense if you've ever played with dolls.

But enough about Barbie.

What about the men?

They're the ones who really have it rough here. Having to deal with all this girly stuff.

Now guys, this might come as a shock, but this movie might not be made for you in mind and therefore you may not get it. You may find yourself confused about why women in this movie are hogging the spotlight and not letting the men do anything important.

But, it's okay, don't worry guys, Ken's got you.

Barbie may be the star, but Ken gets the real emotional journey here. You see, he keeps getting friend-zoned by Barbie, who would rather hang out with her girlfriends and maintain her autonomy than spend the night with him. But once he follows Barbie into the Real World and discovers a magical society where men are in charge and women have to respect them, Ken brings some of these ideas back to the Kens in Barbie Land, thus subjugating all the Barbies to the awesome new patriarchal rule of "Kendom".

Now every night is guys' night.

Folks, go give bonus points to whoever had "Ken gets a villain arc" on their 2023 Bingo card. And while you're at it, add an extra 5 if they also included "Ironic use of a Matchbox Twenty song on the Barbie soundtrack".

Ken's story arc is a powerful reminder of why it's important to critique feminism when it doesn't work.

After all, Barbie Land's matriarchy may seem utopian at first glance, and may even be super inclusive to Barbies of all shapes and races and abilities, but ultimately it is exactly the same as our real world patriarchy, only gender-swapped, with women holding all the power and men being treated as useless accessories. This doesn't balance the scales, it just tips them all the way in the other direction. The only way to achieve true equality is for both men and women to have equal power in society. A conclusion that, thankfully, the movie reaches on its own by the end.

And although Barbie shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting to spend time with Ken or for prioritizing time for herself and her friends, I do appreciate that she was able to make things right with Ken without having to fix things with a kiss or kowtow to his desire to make her his girlfriend. Instead she helps Ken realize that he needs to figure out who he is outside of Barbie, cutting right to the root of toxic/fragile masculinity, which is usually the result of men with low self-esteem just wanting to be heard and respected.

But while Ken is hilariously drawn as a pouty, mostly innocent man child who just wants to be loved (ideally by Barbie), it's a lot harder to laugh off his antics when they result in the Kens actively stripping away constitutional rights and taking over the Supreme Court of Barbie Land. This moment especially should hit just a little too close to home and inspire us to take action.

Thankfully, this movie is not only entertaining and hella meta, but also serves as a practical instruction manual for how girls and women can deal with toxic men and take their power back, whether it's from men in power or obnoxious film bros who constantly espouse the virtues of films like The Godfather and the Snyder cut of Justice League (there's nothing wrong with enjoying these movies, just don't be a dick about it).

It has been a long, time honored tradition in Hollywood for "chick flicks", which is usually code for female-centered films, to be looked down on and mercilessly mocked while elevating more masculine movies to prestige levels. Hopefully Barbie will be the movie that helps us see that "chick flicks" can be just as powerful and impactful as "dick flicks" and then help us reclaim hyperfemininity in our fight against the patriarchy.

After all, would it really be the worst thing in the world if the revolution was not only televised, but also pink?

Listen, if you laugh during this Barbie movie and it happens to make you question and effectively challenge the patriarchy, then all the better.

So will Barbie be that radical watershed movie that inspires a whole generation to believe that the future truly is female or will it just pay lip service to a feel-good you-go-girl message while still maintaining the status quo?

As with any seed we plant, the best we can do is nurture it, give it time, then wait and see what grows.

Come on, Barbie. Let's go party.

[quietchoco]

Choco lore dump? Me? Never.

...

Ok so, Choco is one of four siblings. They have an older sister named Sidney, a younger brother named Steve, and a younger sister named Tammy.

Sidney was never kind to Choco, and Tammy joined in the bullying because she mimicked her older sister. Steve never cared much about his family, so he just went along with whatever everyone else was doing.

All of their siblings learned sign language. Their mom made them. Sidney often intentionally mistranslated, making Choco seem like a jerk or disrespectful to others. Choco also tended to get blame placed on them when their siblings got in trouble, at home or around town. Choco has been arrested temporarily for their siblings actions at some point in their life.

Because of Sidney's lies, Choco had the reputation as the "problem kid" in Gravity Falls when they were younger. After their siblings left, they tried very hard to get rid of the label, and finally, after a lot of hard work, people saw them as the sweet farmer who liked giving out chocolate- rather then the annoying child who like destroying their property. To clarify, Choco never did that. Their siblings did it and blamed it on them because they couldn't defend themself to most people.

They had to listen to a lot of, "You really matured!" And, "We always thought you were a troublemaker, we're happy you grew out of it." And, "I was sure you were heading for a life as a criminal, with what you used to get up to." Before that label of being a troublemaker went away, but they got through it!

After they grew up, all of Chocos siblings left town. Choco stayed behind to look after their mom, and then after she died, her farm.

Tammy is an art student.

Steve is a successful computer marketing manager.

Sidney is in a biker gang. She never did stop bullying people- but other than that, she works in construction.

Hope the brainrot made sense

@reverse-falls-stan just cause you inspired me to make Choco in the first place, heres some lore

[astrea16]

F1 drivers as equestrian disciplines

—an important analysis from a horse girl at heart

If you don't know shit about horseback riding, that's honestly great and I hope you can learn a thing or two from my brainrot.

Charles Leclerc: Show jumping

What’s more iconic than a good old obstacle course with dozens of sponsors plastered every five feet? Aside from Il Predestinato’s very marketable image (Longines is actually a huge sponsor in the industry and they make watches, so,,) I feel like this discipline perfectly reflects his skills as a driver. His raw talent makes him a ferocious threat over the course of one lap and his intelligence is an incredible asset to calculate the best trajectory and angles of attack. Show jumping is thrilling, stressful, and makes you hold your breath until the very last second—just like a good qualifying lap. I feel like Charles would love the attention of doing victory laps around the arena with one fist in the air before spraying everyone with champagne.

Lewis Hamilton: Dressage

I actually had to rethink this one and wonder whether or not I’d picked this discipline because he was British, but I think my point still stands. This man lives for his sport and for the crowds, and I honestly think that as long as his ass is in a car he would drive laps around an empty track all day. Dressage is majestic, it’s prestigious, regal, and the epitome of elegance. This discipline accepts nothing less than excellence and the judges are notorious for being extremely picky, rarely ever giving the maximum score to a movement. It may not look as impressive as show jumping and its counterparts, but it is undeniably just as intense. The goal is to make it seem effortless, like the rider is dancing with their horse and everything else has stopped existing. And look—we all know Lewis is a fashion icon, that one person everyone can’t help but look at when they enter the room. That’s what dressage feels like. It’s classy, sophisticated, sometimes a little bit pretentious—in short, the one that lives under the spotlights. I also think it’s too big of a coincidence that Isabell Werth—the most successful dressage rider of all time—holds the Olympic record of seven gold medals in all equestrian disciplines.

(Also: Nico gets the same assignment ;))

Lando Norris: Show jumping

Something about this guy reminds me of that one friend at the stables that would be there every competition weekend and whose biggest dream was to participate in the Olympics. And yes, that applies to the entire grid, but it feels more prominent for Lando who’s younger and a bit less experienced than some of the older drivers. I don’t want to call it innocence (especially because it must be long gone after five years at McLaren) but there’s something about him that hits you right in the feels and reminds you about the dreams you gave up on. He’s got the drive of a winner and a fun energy that I think suits show jumping quite well. I feel like sponsors would adore him and try to put his face everywhere—probably in an attempt to refresh their image.

Max Verstappen: Eventing

Intense, unforgiving, and hella dangerous, eventing is the perfect discipline for thrill-seekers and people who dislike staying in the same daily grind. Which is funny because we’re talking about Max Verstappen, the guy who spends all of his days glued to his sim chair, but let me explain. The strenuous nature of eventing doesn’t necessarily come from the exercises themselves but from the way they are arranged one after the other with little time to rest in between. This equestrian triathlon often takes place over three days: one day for dressage, one day for cross-country, and one day for show jumping. The goal is to challenge the athletes’ resilience and stamina with various tests. The first one, dressage, determines the ability of the rider to keep their horse in control and perform a series of movements in a relaxed manner. Cross-country is a test of strength. The athletes have to power through an outdoor course of around thirty natural obstacles within a given time range, while making sure that they are saving energy for the third day. Finally, show jumping requires precision and fitness, which—combined with all of the other skills required by eventing—make this discipline the most complete and challenging of all, and therefore the most suitable to our reigning champion imo. As much as I would rather praise other drivers, Max genuinely seems like he never has a bad day and just… knocks it out of the park every single time. And trust me, that’s not something you see often in any kind of sport. Besides, I can easily picture him covered in water and mud, galloping through the forest like a cannonball.

Lance Stroll: Polo

Polo is expensive, classy, luxurious—what more is there to say? Lance would make a great polo player, as long as he’s got the team spirit and isn’t afraid to potentially lose his kneecaps.

Zhou Guanyu: Hunter

Hunter is basically the athleticism of show jumping mixed with the elegance of dressage. The horse/rider combination is judged on their style and technique, and that also comes down to presentation. Both athletes must look neat and well-groomed and have excellent manners throughout the competition. As opposed to show jumping, which can get quite… extravagant at times, hunter isn’t about being the fastest. It’s about who’s got the best equitation and achieves the cleanest performance possible, and that’s why I think Zhou would absolutely slay in this discipline. (Note that my judgement isn’t actually based on his abilities as a driver but rather on his incredible outfits which I KNOW is awfully subjective, but I never claimed to be right in the first place.)

BONUS

Sebastian Vettel

I think Sebastian could have had a career in show jumping before realizing that it wasn’t his thing at all and he retired to do endurance or some western discipline, before getting dragged back into the industry by Charles Leclerc who quickly became his protégé. Although Seb is no longer competing, he’s basically Charles’s mentor and has a ton of tricks up his sleeve from his time as an Olympic rider. He’s actively against horse racing and when he’s not busy coaching, he probably likes to run off somewhere more peaceful—like in a farm lost in the depths of the countryside.

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

Something I’m increasingly sceptical of in modern mental health culture is this constant insistence to open up. Share your story! says every celebrity. Speak out! says every company. [...]

My main concern with this is that Gen Z are very lonely and screen-addicted and so often take this advice and start opening up online. [...] On TikTok #mentalhealth has over 127 billion views; #trauma alone has almost 30 billion.

And no wonder! Not only is there this cultural push to open up, but campaigns and influencers explicitly encourage us to share our problems on social media. Like Kendall Jenner’s #howareyoureally hashtag, encouraging fans to share a video of their mental health story on Instagram. Or #postyourpill, the campaign started by Love Island influencer Dr Alex George urging people to post a photo of their mental health medication every month. “Join me,” he insists, “and take a stand against medication stigma”!

I have many concerns about this. Not because I think Dr Alex has bad intentions; I’m sure he genuinely wants to help. But firstly because his fans are likely very young. We’re talking teens and pre-teens. And he’s sharing this on TikTok, where a third of US users are thought to be 14 or under, and Instagram, where more than a million users are underage. Should we really be pressuring them to “please please please” post their pill and share their mental health problems with strangers?

Then there’s this framing of it as activism. Actually, more than activism—now it’s almost a duty. You need to open up because it helps other people! Maybe, but does it help you? You, a 15 year-old girl, are not responsible for removing the stigma around autism or ADHD. The progressive narrative now also seems to be that if you aren’t opening up about your mental health problems it has to be because of stigma or discrimination. Have we forgotten the word privacy? You don’t have to be ashamed, but you don’t have to share either.

I say this because there are risks to sharing your personal struggles, especially online. Something our current mental health culture seems unable to admit is that being open about your problems comes with problems. Rarely do we talk about the regret of opening up to the wrong people, or too soon before you’ve tried to recover or really understand what’s wrong, or of misrepresenting yourself. 

One major problem with opening up online, for example, is that whatever you share inevitably becomes part of your brand. This, I think, can explain a lot of Gen Z’s current obsession with and confusion around identity. We market ourselves from very young ages and then struggle to rebrand, to integrate our evolving selves into our online image. Once you share something on social media—your anxiety, OCD, gender dysphoria—it’s documented. You’re categorised. Consciously or not, you are more compelled to stick with it. But identities evolve! You are supposed to change! I find it so suffocating how modern culture makes us feel like it’s inauthentic or some sort of moral failure to change who you are or what you believe. Nobody can live up to that! And actually the opposite is true: something is very wrong if you aren’t changing. 

As I see it this is why older generations often chafe at all this oversharing. Not because they can’t relate to adolescent angst or have no compassion for mental illness, but from an understanding that things, people, change. Maybe you are in real emotional pain. But don’t go blasting your gender identity journey all over the internet because someone told you it’s brave. You might not feel that way in six months, a year, six years. Even if you do, you might not want it out there. You might not even remember that you thought you had Tourette’s in your pre-teens. Also: trends change. There may not be the same cultural cachet for sharing your symptoms in the future. People might not be as rewarding or forgiving, so don’t start relying on their validation now.

This is a caution, then. A plea, actually, to the young girls recording their anxiety attacks, documenting their depressed day in the life, introducing their multiple personalities, posing with their mental health pills, to honestly think about this: what if things change for you? What if when you’re 30 you don’t want that video of you crying on your bedroom floor online? Or cleaning your messy depression room? What if you don’t even relate to that person anymore?

And please, ask yourself: is this going to be good for your recovery? Because despite what the mental health industry would have you believe, your anxiety isn’t fixed or inevitable. You could get over your OCD. But you’ll make that much less likely and harder for yourself by posting it all over the internet and publicly building your identity around it first. Maybe you’re socially anxious at 14 but not at 20, but you made it your brand and showed the internet that you struggle to make a phone call and can’t order food. Maybe you desperately want to be seen as confident but you’ve already marketed yourself as anxious and that’s how people treat you. All I’m saying is you might regret reducing yourself to a collection of symptoms. This world can be cruel and unforgiving, and you might one day regret telling it you can’t cope.

Of course I understand sharing helps people feel less alone. I also recognise that social media is a nauseating highlight reel, that everyone is pretending to be perfect and that’s so much pressure—but I don’t think the answer to that is to post all of our personal and vulnerable moments. My answer would be to post less about everything.

Because another thing I want girls to think about is who really benefits here. A good rule of thumb for when something is being pushed this much in modern culture—when you’re hearing the same mantra over and over again like open up—is to think, okay, someone is majorly profiting here, who is it? Sometimes I wonder if this message to open up is so heavily pushed by social media companies like TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram because they benefit when we plaster our problems all over their platforms. [...]

“Check out how you can take care of your mental health on Snapchat and encourage your friends to do the same!” Right, well, firstly you’re never going to take care of your mental health on Snapchat. And Instagram—the place some teens have traced back the desire to kill themselves—is absolutely not #HereForYou. Open up and find “mental health resources on Instagram”! Key words: on Instagram. All this is an attempt to keep you on their platforms. Platforms very often responsible for mental health problems. Please don’t buy it.

I’m not saying don’t tell anyone. Just don’t tell the internet. I mean that sincerely: I wouldn’t even recommend opening up to online therapists. The therapy service BetterHelp has been fined millions for selling users’ mental health data—“rest assured this information will stay private!”—to platforms like Facebook (Meta) and Snapchat. And the more these sites know you are struggling, the more advertisers can categorise you. You’ll get ads for therapy apps and ADHD meds and mental health chatbots and get stuck in a cycle. This is more than a self-fulfilling prophecy. There’s software engineering behind it. [...]

So: open up to people you know and trust. Talk to family and friends. If you aren’t fortunate enough to have those, turn to local communities, support groups, professionals when necessary. But stop opening up on the internet. Stop opening up about everything. Give yourself the chance to change organically; give yourself the option of moving on. Bottom line is I don’t think it’s worth exchanging your deepest emotional struggles for that hit of dopamine. Because Instagram being #HereForYou? Hahaha, please. Open yourself up to friends and family. Close yourself off from these companies.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 6: analsysising harder

I am having a finals' nightmare week in university, but finally found the time to sit down and relax, so here's to episode 3.

He's so supportive. For all his faults as a father, (like the fact that Joris might not be able to read yet in here, despite seemingly being pretty ready to be taught how to, as was pointed out to me by @dullard during our separate rewatch from this rewatch) the fact that Joris can sell things at the market all by himself at 7yo and knows what a commission is, is actually really cool. Good job, Keke! This once, I will not kill you with hammers.

Do start teaching your son to read/write soon. Please. Please.

ANALYSIS EVENT LEVEL 10 ALARM WEE WOO WEE WOO. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS.

Joris is seven years old. Kerubim was, by his own words, "barely older than him," during his confirmation ceremony at the Orphan Temple. Can we actually ask what Kerubim Crepin was doing, at seven years old, in the orphan temple??

As we know from Dofus Heroes Kerubim comic, he was busy being an orphan, plotting to resurrect his parents, (either adoptive, or step-father and biological-mother. It doesn't really matter !) and being sad, to the point that, as an adult, even while amnesiac, he empathizes greatly with a stray kitten.

Having dreams of not wanting to be lonely, projecting his loneliness onto stray animals... It's the reason why he's afraid of showing people that he's weak and driving them away, and what makes him a compulsive liar, as I've pointed out in the last post. He can't bear being alone.

No wonder, then, that despite being old, and having a decrepit house, he didn't try to find Joris a better home. It would be a betrayal of his own ideals of protecting children from what he went through. It would mean that someone so similar to him would, too, be all alone. And, a bit more selfishly, he does need someone by his side.

I would point out, that Atcham was in the temple, implied to be mistreated, that they are both full brothers who grew up in the same family, and that him and Kerubim didn't have the best relationship even as kids, — with Bashi also disliking Atcham heavily, for unstated reasons, — and how it all might tie into Kerubim also adoptng Joris out of guilt, because he feels like he might end up like Atcham, but I don't have ten hours.

And also bc Atcham doesn't appear often, and I am mostly delusional about this.

Kerubim avoids mentioning Atcham or any of his adventures in Brakmar, so... man just give us anything to work with.

Despite Keke playing it off now, he really didn't have an easy childhood.

For all the times I say he's a bad dad, or that I want to beat him up, it is all in jest. I think he's a very tragic character who was just... never really given a chance to develop a healthy way of interacting with the world.

And for what it's worth, he grew up to be as decent of a person he could have, and did the best he could, at becoming a family with Joris and raising him, as flawed and uneven as it is.

He really just wants this kid to have a good childhood, or an approximation of one, with no violence, loneliness, or fear he went through — and it's all going to be ruined in the movie, isn't it?

It won't stop me from joking about beating him up in the future of this blog, but I wanted to make my stance clear. No non-joking slander of Kerubim in this household. Ever.

I think he was scared shitless of having a deadly quest here, but HAD to pretend he wasn't, for the public. He looks happier now than seconds ago in the queue line, lol.

Low self-esteem can result in seeking attention through being loud and obnoxious, as well as a fear of embarrassment, so, it checks out. Lying is a likely thing for Kerubim to do, and I love and respect him for it.

His immediate reaction to being embarrassed by getting a clothespin, and made fun of, as audience laughs? Double down, baby! Though, his angry facade doesn't last until the end of the line. He's just... looking sadly to the side.

By the way, considering he's only a bit older than seven, the "I've been training for years" is a bit haunting.

Do you know who DOES deserve to get beaten with hammers for real, non-ironically? The god Ecaflip. Can I get an amen?

No wonder, Kerubim coddled Joris and wanted his life to be better! His life sucked!

Of all the things not to lie about, he seemed not to lie about being trained. Doesn't stop him from being beaten up, though...

We have to beat God Ecaflip with hammers. There is no other way.

For all his cockiness, he's so stressed out. His facade is so, so ruined, the second he realizes his plan is not working.

Really, this whole scene puts their relationship together the best. He's a God, holding Kerubim, a 7-9yo orphan, on a tiny string.

His whole life, Ecaflip just belittles him over some random bullshit, makes him hate his brother for being bald, and then gives him a gambling addiction before putting him into a mental asylum to treat it. All of that because he loves him that much.

We have to kill him. There is no other way. I may be a wakfu season 3 hater, but Oropo was right.

Yay, trauma bonding, in its correct definition!

If my whole family died, and a god cared so much about me, he made me the protagonist of various sad cringe stories of overcoming personal adversities mostly caused BY him, I too, would develop some sort of complex to cope. So I get it.

But I feel like, even if Kerubim will never voice it out loud, considering what repercussions may follow, deep down he knows that Ecaflip himself is one of the reasons for his loneliness, and that most of all, he's scared of him.

[tf-boi]

Requested by @baranchik3

“Another day at the gym” Cody says to himself, a slim fit young man running on the treadmill. He often stays at the gym for hours but also disappears for weeks as well. The staff knows him and reserves a locker for him.

As Cody does his run on the treadmill, he notices a more built man taking glances at him.

“Ughh. . .great. . .” Cody thought, not paying him much attention. There was a certain type of man Cody normally goes for and this man didn’t meet his standards.

After a good 30 minutes of running, he notices the man has moved from lifting weights to running besides Cody.

“Nice day for a run, huh?” The man said in a cheery voice.

Silence, Cody did his best to ignore him.

“Not much of a talker are you?” 

“. . .”

“You’re pretty cute.”

“Thanks. . .” Cody said without thinking 

“Crap. . . “ Cody thought, realizing what he has done.

“So you can talk!” The grizzly man says cheerfully. “Name’s Jim, yours?”

“. . .Keith. . . “ Cody lied, one of the aliases he uses when he is not interested.

“I’m going for a swim after this you interested?”

“Sorry I forgot my swimsuit.”

“Oh same here. Looking to get a new one for today.”

“Oh one of those guys. . .” Cody thought.

Cody, annoyed, walked into the shower room, planning on calling one of his usuals after just to get away from Jim.

Turning on the showers Cody steps in, only to see Keith in the shower next to him.

“Look Keith, you’re cute and I’m just gonna say it. . . I’m in the market for a new sugar baby. Interested?”

Cody looked shocked “Uhhh. . .thanks. . .pretty young to be a daddy though?”

Jim chuckled “Thanks for that! I’m not too much older than you probably but nonetheless I’m looking for someone like you.”

Cody, not sure why he was answering now took a good look at Jim. Jim wasn’t very muscular but his bod was still pretty good, and he is packing a monster rocket.

“You’re not my usual type. . .” Cody said, pretending not to be interested

“Oh? So you’re an experienced sugar baby?”

“I prefer the term. . . ‘professional house boyfriend’”. Cody said looking away.

“Well I’ll hire you then!” Jim says with a smirk “I’ll give you $500 a day for an allowance, an extra $300 every time we do extra “stuff”.

“$500?!” Cody thought “Well best case I can make a quick buck. . .worse case, I get that giant monster in me. . .I guess. . .” Cody said rolling his eyes, not believing what he is about to do.

“Uhhh. . .I guess. . .for a bit. . .Daddy.” Cody said smirking.

Jim grinned, the young ones always go for the money.

Jim put his hand on Cody’s shoulder leading him to the locker room. He opens his locker and pulls out a stack of cash and hands it to Cody. Cody grabs it and starts counting “100, 200, 300. . .800? A little forward aren’t we?” Cody says opening his locker and putting the cash in his bag.

“Little it, but hey, people stop playing hard to get after the first time. Plus you don’t seem to mind so much.”

“Score. . .” Cody thought. “Soo where to?”

“Well gotta go on my morning swim. . .and looks like you’ll be fixing my speedo problem.” 

“Great. . .” Cody thought, this wasn’t his first rodeo but he was hoping he wouldn’t have to do it today.

The pair walk back into the showers and Jim only needed to point down for Cody to know what to do. He opened his mouth wide and started sucking on Jim’s massive shaft, his mouth barely able to fit the massive girth. 

“Thats good, but I need you to really get in there!” Jim says, shoving his cock into Cody’s mouth, hes pertty sure half of it went down Cody’s throat as he gags a bit, but surprisingly keeping it together.

“Mmm mmmm” Cody says, enjoying Jim’s fat cock. Massaging it with both his tongue and his throat, he was shocked that he could still breath with Jim’s dick that deep in him. 

Jim puts his massive hands on the sides of Cody’s head and starts to face fuck Cody.

“Unnnf unnnn” Cody moaned as he was getting his brains fucked out of him. A warm feeling fills his body, his cock becoming erect and he feels the warm precum of Jim go down his throat. Cody wrapping his tongue around Jim’s shaft, licking every inch of his salty meat. The shower water hitting their bodies put Cody into a trance of moaning, and sucking as his face gets fucked harder and harder by Jim. 

“You’re a good boy aren’t you? And good boys listens to daddy right?” Jim says looking down on Cody.

“Cody only cold nod in agreement as Jim pouds Cody’s face more with his cock.

“So be a good boy and don’t resist. . . “

Cody nodded again.

With that he felt a large surge of warm liquid enter his body, him moaning as he accepts Jim’s load into him. His stomach stretches and expands to look like he is 9months pregnant when Jim is done.

“You liked that didn’t you?” Jim said looking at the stream of cum flow out of Cody’s own cock and into the shower drain.

Cody tries to gasp for air and notices he couldn’t move his jaw. Infact he couldn’t move his body as a warm sensation fills his body.

Cody feels his body slowly deflate and flatten his limbs dangling as his mouth hangs on Jim’s dick, stuck to it like glue.

“Oh. . .guess its kinda hard to change you when you are so full. . . Jim says as he steps on Cody’s back, Jim’s load flowing freely out of Cody’s dick, ass, nose, and ears.

Cody moaned again at the sensation of the hot sticky liquid exiting his body. Eventually all of Jim’s cum flows out of him leaving, Cody a flat body, which then moves on its own to wrap itself around Jim’s waist and crotch, his skin changing to black polyester with 2 grey stripes. His body forming into a tight fitting speedo for Jim.

“Ohhh a speedo! Nice! My last one turned into a pair of trunks but I like you more! You fit perfectly for my crotch and balls! Maybe I’ll wear you all the time!” Jim says, rubbing his dick in its new home. “Maybe we’ll start with a week, hows that sound?”

Cody used what little mobility he has left to press against Jims cock and shake it side to side as to say “No”

“Oho? More?” Jim asked.

Cody moved Jim’s dick as if to say yes.

“How bout a month?” Jim said rubbing Cody.

Again, yes.

“Thats a good boy, don’t worry I’ll always have you on me! I’ll be sure to keep track of your allowance and your “bonus”. . .and if you start to tear up before the month  is over, I’ll merge with my kid to keep you patched up.”

[chaberkowepole]

I was in Warszawa stare miasto (Old Town) yesterday

And maybe it's all those stories, songs and poems that I have been infused with since childhood but damn. I never expected to be hit like that. By a city I have never seen.

Its beauty took my breath away. I hadn't expected it to be so pretty. And at the same time, every step was accompanied by immense grief.

They say pre-war Warsaw was as pretty as Vienna. If you've ever been to Vienna, you know what I'm talking about.

I was constantly wondering, which building is new and which one has survived the bombing. I have never felt the density of sheer history in the air as much as on nowy świat, krakowskie przedmieście and close to the castle. Not even in Rome, which obviously is objectively older and thus fuller with history. But this felt closer to... Home.

Those streets, they look very much like any other European Old Town, they're bustling with life and there's cafés and restaurants on every step.

And yet. After every few steps. There's a sign. Again. And again. And again. The Nazis killed people here. They lined them up and shot them here. And here. And here. And here too. And here.

[Image ID: Memorial Tablet commemorating Germans shooting 30 Poles, some of them randomly, on the street. There are flowers and znicze underneath. End ID]

[Image ID: Two Memorial Tablets, one commemorating Russian Crimes during 19th century partitions in which they destroyed Chopin memorabilia, along with his piano, the other commemorating Gymnasium teachers (secondary education) who continued teaching during WW2 German occupation. End ID]

[Memorial Tablet and flowers in Polish white-red colours, commemorating the wounded people from the Warsaw uprising that got treated in an insurgent hospital. German occupants seized it, shot some of the wounded and poured gasoline over others and burned them alive. End ID.]

And the castle, the king's castle that we raised from ruins. That Germans destroyed entirely. Like they bombed down the entire city. To not leave us anything. Because they wanted to erase our history and subjugate our people.

[Image ID: on the left, picture of the ruined castle 1944. Only rubble is left. On the right, the rebuilt castle. It is red in colour. End ID]

And rage, and grief I didn't know I still had carried shot up in me and I understood now why our resistance were shedding blood for those streets. I could almost feel the bullets flying in the air, like a weird time-echo I faintly picked up on through the layers of the years.

I think the right all too often co-opts this anger, this grief, and twists it to suit their purposes. But this is not a good reason to bury it, either. Buried anger like this breeds resentment. So for the first time, I let myself feel it and I wanted to do things to the Nazis and everyone who collaborated with them that I will not write down here.

But we shouldn't stop here. Instead, we could channel it to something productive. The same thing is happening to our Ukrainian neighbours, right now. How much their hearts must bleed when they see the streets of Kijv destroyed. Or any other Ukrainian city dear to them. It's their work, their efforts, their culture, their history. Their home.

So support Ukraine right now. Support Ukrainian refugees. Support All refugees that are escaping bombardements of their homes. Combat the ideology that leads to this destruction. In your own town, in our country. Support Polish Jewish people, Polish Trans people, Polish Lgbtqia+ people, Polish Disabled people, Polish Muslims. Elections are coming up, vote those right wing bastards out of this beautiful city, that we rebuilt again through sheer willpower.

[Image ID: on the left, the destroyed market square from 1945. There's rubbel lying everywhere, a group of people are standing in front. On the right, the same market square, today, rebuilt. Each house is very colourful and the walls are painted & decorated. A statue of the mermaid, Warsaw's emblem, is standing in the centre. Her arm is raised, holding a sword. Her other hand holds a shield. End ID.]

[anime-is-godlike]

dainsleif x reader

Xx angst xX ..meation of fire blood and death

If you are uncomfortable Reading anything related to the bit above please click away and read some fluff

I was walking around the market in the kingdom of khaenri'ah my home and the home of my husband dainsleif who works as a guard and our 3 year old daughter clover who’s accompanying me today on our shopping trip as we walked I hear her yell out

“Daddy!!” I look up and sure enough it’s my husband he looked in our direction with a smile

“Hello you two” he lifts clover in his arms and give me a peck on the cheek and riffles clovers hair a huge smile plastered on his face the whole time

“I was just getting ingredients for dinner tonight” he smiled and put clover down

“I see, I need to get back to work I’m running a little late and you know what those twins are like” I giggle and wave to him as he runs to the castle, as we were walking clover stops dead in her tracks and stairs at something or someone it was a boy a little older then her with blue hair and he seemed to be alone my momma instincts kicked in and I went over to check to see if he was okay

“Excuse me young man are you okay?” He looked up in shock but then smiled

“I’m alright Madam sorry I’m just waiting for my father” he looked around then looks down with a frown

“Are you okay big brother..um” clover piped up trying to think of a name

“Alberich you can call me that” clover nodded with a giggle

“Okay big brother al” I’m guessing his names to difficult to pronounce I giggle to myself, he then looked up his eyes sparking

“My father has arrived thank you kind madam and little lady” he ran of waving that sight made my giggling worse he reminds me of dain when we where younger, I grabbed clovers hand and nudged her to walk with me as we made our way home.

Me and dain met when we where very young our families where friend and often we went to each others houses, yes we where childhood sweethearts as we grew older our feelings never change we got married and soon after clover came into the picture life was amazing…..I wish it remained that way

—————

I was in the kitchen fixing up dinner and clover was in the living room playing it was still early and everything was peaceful

I was just about to light the oven when I felt the ground shake and a glass fall to the floor

“What was that?” Earth quake’s don’t happen here so….

“Clover?” I walked into the living room to see her looking out the windows unmoving

“Sweetie?” I look out with her

“Mummy what’s going on?” I was in shock everything was red it was

“Fire?” My first instinct was to run but what about dain? I then looked to clover..no I need to protect my daughter I pick her up and walk way from the windows in case they shatter

“Mummy?” I look down smiling I need to be strong and not panic I don’t want to frighten her

“Don’t worry hunny everything will be fine we just need to go find daddy okay” she nod and nuzzles her head into the crook of my neck and closed her eyes I take a breath in

Dain don’t worry about us we’ll see each other again, I look out the window it seems the fire is spreading closer to our house we need to get out of here so where not trapped I grab a scarf from the coat rack and tie clover to my chest so she’s got more security in case I need to run with one last knot, I open the door smock filled the air and was nothing but fire and ash I look down to clover so see she’s dozed of that’s good just let he sleep

I look around to see if I can spot my blond and blue eyed husband but to no avail as I was looking around I noticed people gripping there heads in pain I wanted to see if there okay but I have clover with me I need to get out of the kingdom fast

I was now jogging to the edge of the kingdom I was trying to reach the forest outside the walls

“Ehh reee” I then Heard this weird clunky noise and this Machine I’ve never scene before was right in front of me it was huge and had a single hole in the middle of its chest with long arms and legs

“Wait I think dain told me about this I think there called field tillers?” He walked past me and toward the kingdom engulfed with flames…our home I’d no more what are we gonna do now, I look around

“Dain!!?” I yell out to the kingdom

“Dain!!” I call out again I can find him where is he?

“Well, well, well who do we have here?” The voice which spoke out was echoing and didn’t sound human at all I look around and didn’t see anything

“Wrong way human!” I look up to see a figure on the roof of a building in armour head to toe with a huge spear hanging by his side

“Nothing personal” he jumped down spear in the air he was aiming for us I turn around protecting clover with my body and hug her close

“Mummy?” I hear the groggy voice of my now awoken daughter

“Hey sweetie did you have a nice dre-” I then felt something sharp go through me and blood trickles down my back

“Mummy!!” My strength gives out and I fall to the floor still keeping a tight hold on clover

“…Y/n?” I look up to see

“..da..i..n” I see him dash over his face was completely pale and his eyes where in shock, I felt him hold me

“Daddy!!” Clover yelled out hugging me

“Take clover and run” I look at him, he gripped my hand and I smile at him, I could feel my body getting weaker by the second I can tell I’m dying soon

“Hate to brake up this family moment” that voice echoed out again

“I have but one mission” he points his spear at us

“To eradicate all of khaenri'ah” I tug on dains sleeve

“Take…..clover run” he looked at us then to the figure and stood up

“I won’t let you harm my family you piece of shit!!” He ran forward and lunged at the man, the man dodged, I looked down at clover and she looked pale I tried to comfort her but I have no strength in my body to move but I could still speak

“Clover” I felt her more her head slightly

“Mummy loves…..you and will forever….love you” she didn’t really respond to that but I felt a slight nod..why is she so quite?

I heard a huge crash and I saw dain fly into a building I wanted to get up and help but my vision went slowly dark

Is this the end for me?….clover…dain I’m sorry everything was going black and cold

“…n….y….Y/N!!” I heard dain but where is he?

“D..ai…n?” I think he grabbed my hand and I felt something warm against it

“Ple…ase look af..ter clov..er” I felt drops hitting my face..is he crying

“My sweet kni…ght live…and lov..e again p..promise me” I lost all sensations and took my finale Breath

“I’m sorry!! I’m sorry I wasn’t here quick enough please..please stay with me both of you…Y/N!! CLOVER!!!!!” Dainsleif cried over the body of his wife and child the side of his face was badly burnt and he was trying his best not to completely break

“Come back please!!” He pressed his forehead to his wife and child what his wife didn’t know was when the spear went through her it also went through clover as well they both died moments apart

Dainsleif was left alone without the two people he loved the most in the world, no longer will he come home to a smiling wife and his daughter running up and asking to play, no longer will he parole the streets to protect his home he looks out to the burning city with one thing on his mind…………revenge

Revenge on those who destroyed his home and most importantly revenge on those who killed his family

He was a changed man after that day he never opened his heart to anyone ever again the once bright cheerful man was now cold and alone

[confessions-official]

Gachalife isnt a bad thing, People who use it arent cringe, And people who watch gacha movies arent automatically stupid. Little Timmy, Who loves fart videos, Watching fart fetish gacha with poorly written text, Is not stupid either, Unless he's older than 5. Not all gacha movies and series are shitty, And gacha is meant to be an animation tool. It helps people animate without super expert confusing programs, Just because someone uses is doesnt make them a cringe stupid person and the app itself is good. I'm tired of people acting like 8 year olds are the only people who use it, And I'm tired of gacha being shit on because Sally got on the wrong side of the internet and made her character fuck a dog using gacha, Though they clearly have in the rules they dont want their tool to be used in that way. Sure, Its also a gacha game, But so is Please Kill Me, So is Battle Cats, So are most porn games. Its time to stop hating anyone who uses gacha and stop teling children who post bad videos to kill themselves, We should be giving tips otherwise they're probably gonna become spiteful and just make it more out of spite. I know when I was little I did.

Anyways I went on this because Gacha Life 2 is actually pretty awesome and has every customizable option, Better than any picrew I've used, And I came across a short of someone who had to be like 8 making a very distressed short about the hate she was getting. Just happened to show up, Happens every so often when I scroll for hours, I'll get like 10 shorts of completely unrelated things that I have 0 interest in. Sometimes I get like 80 year olds trying to be Joe Rogan and then others I get 8 year old Mikey who just broke up with his roblox gf and is on the market for any non bacons. Or I get incomprehensible screaming paired with images that scare me when I'm sleep deprived and barely awake.

-🍋

.

[pbandjesse]

It is very hot right now! It is mid morning and we are in a waiting pattern because we were in our way to a boat tour and got in a car accident. Our van and a motorcycle collided. The biker is scraped up but admits it was his fault. The police are here and we are waiting to see if we need a new vehicle . So I thought I would start writing this while we figured out what comes next.

After I finished my paper last night there was more dancing. It was decided we would leave at midnight. And while there was a couple extra songs we did all gather and get out of there. Traffic is very bad and we almost got stuck in a very bad puddle. But our driver Sandy is great and while it took forever, we did get back to the hotel in one piece.

We rolled up to our room at 1am. We would gr to see a gecko outside our door and I was super excited about that. I had caught a frog at the party last night and that was exciting. But the gecko was to fast for a picture.

I would wash my hair and felt a lot better after that. Falling asleep didn't come as quick as I would like. I texted with Jess for a little. And eventually went to sleep.

We had to get up at 530 but I was up at 430 again. Annoying. I wasn't in as a good of a head space as yesterday but I would feel better soon.

I got dressed and as we were figuring out what was up we got a message that the plan for the morning has changed. And we would be going on a boat tour to the origin point of the Nile. Incredible. So we were leaving a little later and would get to eat breakfast.

Me and James would chill on the couch for a bit. And then at 630 we headed to breakfast.

We were the first ones there. But once one of the girls, Stephanie, came down we all went in to eat. And slowly the rest of the crew for the day would trickle in.

Breakfast was nice. I would wrap up a donut to take with me for a snack later. Which was a very good idea. Paul joined us at our table and I enjoyed talking to him about the trip. I hope he knows how appreciative I am to be included.

At 730 we would all load up on the bus. There are 18 of us today. A good mix of people. And we were off.

We are driving for about two hours. And I don't know if I have the words to describe what I have seen today. The variety of houses and fruits and animals. Cows and goats. Dogs. Chickens. But the people was what really got me.

There are so many motorcycles, called boda boda, more then I've ever seen in my life. And the density of the markets. My neck started to hurt from looking out the window but I couldn't stop. I needed to see them. I needed to see everything.

I feel very emotional about everything honestly. I have been smiling at as many people as possible. And they are smiling back. Some waving. They often seem surprised to see me. I know white people are a novelty here. On our whole journey today I have seen two older white men and that's it. So I am waving and smiling. I got a couple flirty blown kisses and winks. But I am just so focused on making connections, even if they are brief. I told James that I hope they get to where they are going and tell their friend they saw a white lady. They call us "mungzo" (unsure about that spelling). It for sure it interesting to be the other.

The ride was fascinating. Hard to capture in pictures but I was enjoying the whole thing. I was about to go text Jess and update about how much I was enjoying it when all of a sudden Sandy our driver slammed on the breaks and I hit my knees on the seat in front of me. We have collided with a motorcycle. I saw his fly off his bike and stumble away so no one else ran him over. It was frightening. And there were so many people around. Some yelling and telling eachother what they saw. The traffic police would come quickly and they went to check on the biker.

We were in the side of the very busy street for a while. When all of a sudden the tour guide we were there for got on our bus. He has seen the accident! What a weird coincidence.

Everyone would be okay but the bike was broken and our bus broke it's exhaust (which is in the front). So we were in a holding pattern.

We drove over to the police station. And someone would come to fix the exhaust.

We would get out of the bus to cool off. It got very hot in there. But I was enjoying looking around. Even saw some goats.

We were about an hour and a half off schedule but the bus was fixed and we could get on our way.

We still had about 2 hours to where we were going. And I loved seeing more nature and people. But eventually some of the girls were desperate to used the bathroom. So our driver and tour guide would figure out a shell gas station that had bathrooms we could use.

This was the most squaty of squaty potties. This was mostly just a hole in the ground. But we were in this together.

And honestly for me it was just like. Camping. Nature peeing. My only issue was I am wearing a jumpsuit but it was fine and I survived.

While we were standing outside waiting for all the girls to be done, some children were milling around giggling and smiling at us. They were fascinated by me. I would engage with them and they did speak English. I asked all about them. They were 2, 4, 5, 6, and 9. I could not even attempt to spell their names. But they sounded beautiful. I got down on their level to talk to them. And eventually the 2 year old reached for me and we held hands and the older girls wanted to stroke my arm to see if it felt like the skin. They had never spoken to a white person, I'm not even sure they have send one in real life. The oldest girl liked my hair. They told me they liked to play ball and they liked to draw. They had beautiful smiles. I am so glad we got to meet. They also wanted to know the names of my children and were surprised to learn I didn't have any yet. Apparently 10 children is the most common number for a family to have. I explained that where I'm from people don't have them very early or as often. They didn't seem to believe me.

We said goodbye and there was lots of smiles and waves. We continued our journey. Back on the bus. And it wasn't to much longer until we stopped in Jinja to pick up our second tour guide. Our first one, Charles, would bring on Bob. And they are both so nice. And so knowledgeable.

Bob would give us more information about Jinja. Which is the food basket and powerhouse of Uganda. And soon we would arrive at the Nile!

I wish I had better words to describe it but everything is just outrageously beautiful. And pictures just don't do it justice. It's gorgeous here. And being at the Nile was so powerful.

We got a little talk to start from Bob and Nathan, another guide. About how there used to be falls but now because of the dam that creates so much of the power to the country, the falls are no more. And the government is redeveloping this area. So much of the country seems to be in redevelopment and that's just really neat.

Something I have noticed and I really respect is the obvious care and pride everyone here has for their work. From the people sweeping the dirt roads to the people cleaning the steps and lawn furniture to all the food sellers that run up to your window. Everyone seems so confident and sure of themselves and what matters. It feels like a community mindset rather then an individualist one. And while the poverty is there, the people are rich in so many other ways.

After Nathan gave us his history talk he walked us to the water front. We had to go down a very very steep hill. And then when we got to the bottom we had to walk across planks. Because the restaurant at the dock was flooded. Like it was in a foot of water. It was fascinating. Also a little a scary. But the staff helped us across and everything was good.

The boat is a double decker. And me and James got seats up to the front. And I have been having the very very best time.

We saw monitor lizards and so many birds and tilapia jumping from the water and we even saw monkeys! I was so close to crying I was so happy. They were 3 babies and their mom and they were jumping around and helping groom and the one little baby beared it's teeth at us trying to be scary. It was amazing.

We continued to ride sodund. Watching the fishermen and the water. The wind is very strong and I am really glad I brought a hair tie.

After an hour we went back to the dock and they brought food on board. We had ordered ahead of time and it was all chicken and burgers but they had a cheese sandwich so I was expecting just slices on white bread but it was actually a really beautiful grilled cheese with some local tomatoes and red onions and some kind of soft cheese spread. It was great.

The food made me so tired though. And I was kind of just hoping we would be done soon but we would have more to see.

James was helping everyone open their glass bottles of soda and beer. Being so helpful and so handsome. I love them so much and I'm so glad we get to experience this together.

The boat would slowly start moving again and we headed to the sign and small building that marked where the river and the lake meet. There was a small building that was half flooded in the water. We would stop and me, James, Stephanie, Gabe, Sydney, and her boyfriend Devin would be the only brave ones to get off the boat to go inside. Where we were treated by actual water under our feet and so many souvenirs.

Me and my James would get a few. For friends and family. It was fun. And the people who worked there were so nice. The one man sold us a sculpture he carved from a Jacaranda tree. I handed them my phone to type that because there was no way I was going to get that right. They let us pay in us currency which works out for them because they can upcharge us but we didn't mind. It was still very cheap and if it helps them it's a good thing.

They wanted to take pictures with me and James too. I think the novelty of us being white again. But they were super nice and we would climb back on board to join everyone else.

The last leg of the tour was nice but I think we were all ready to go. The DJ had music going it we were all so tired. Half of us would doze off. But seeing the two open air prisons off the lake was interesting. And some of the fishermen started dancing to our music which was pretty funny.

It was getting later and later though. When we agreed to come in this trip we sort of thought we were going to be back in the mid afternoon. But after it took 5 hours to get to it we were all like. Oh. Yeah this is going to be a lot. And then our tour guide guaranteed that we would have a two hour tour max. But we were almost 4 hours in. We had started the day at 730 and it was now almost 4pm. And I checked and even if traffic was perfect we were 3 hours form the hotel. Goodness.

I had a nice conversation with Stephanie. And she told me that if I didn't feel up for the party tonight that no one would be upset with me. The fomo is real but I am just. So tired. And we have another early morning tomorrow. I might just need to decompress.

We would get back to the dock and got off. A bunch of our party would wait to sue the bathroom but me and James headed up the steep steps. Which winded me pretty badly. There were also a lot of women and children trying to sell us more souvenirs and if I wasn't so tired I would have considered some of them more. But having to think about conversation rates stressed me out. So we declined. I did feel terrible when one of the girls fell down and hurt her knee but her for dds would help her.

When we got to the top of the hill I would catch my breath and then would wander s little and found some amazing little mushrooms. And that just really made me happy.

Once everyone was up the hill we wandered to the bus. I gave Bob the tour guide a hug and said thank you. The kids were trying to sell us bananas through the windows but we declined. And we were off on our journey.

I just woke up from a pretty long nap laying my head against my window. James says for a bit they were the only ones awake. We are in a new place. About an hour and a half to go.

I was wrong when I said an hour and a half. We just pulled up around 845. So closer to 2 hours from my last paragraph. I am really excited to be back. We just ordered room service. I took an excellent shower. James is getting some fresh air on the balcony. The rides were tough today, being confined, but I can honestly day today was one of the best days I have ever had. Like this was such an incredible experience. If I ruminate on it for to long my eyes start to tear up.

After I woke up from my little car nap I rewound my podcast and was able to listen to the entirety of the first season of Limetown. My favorite piece of media I have ever experienced. And the last episode made me cry like it always does. And then we were pulling up to the hotel. It was a journey for sure. But we got to see more incredible sites and people. I was hurting and so so so tired of being in the bus. But I wouldn't trade any of today. Today was incredible. It makes me feel lucky to be alive and for every moment that lead me here.

I am not sure how tomorrow will shake out. I hope we go see animals. I also really really hope that the commute doesn't take the entire day. I really feel like I have experienced Africa. And I could absolutely go for more. But I am also good just chilling and going with whatever flow happens.

I am going to rest now and eat and try to get more then 3 hours of sleep. I love you all. Thank you for following me on this adventure and sort of disjointed way of documenting this journey!!