#V: Young Adult [Birth of the boys - start of the show]

[crowsandmurder]

Dan Scott Tags & Verses

Dan  ✖ (Aesthetics)

Dan  ✖ (Thoughts)

Dan ✖ (Character Development)

Dan  ✖ (Crack)

Dan ✖ (Headcanons)

Dan  ✖ (Photos)

Dan  ✖ (Starter Call)

BIOGRAPHY

Daniel Robert Scott, the younger son of Royal and May Scott, spent most of his life in Tree Hill, North Carolina, other than a brief amount of time in college. He had a younger brother named Keith, but well, he killed him. Dan was a student at Tree Hill High and excelled in basketball. His father pushed him too hard to become even greater, and he cost Tree Hill the state championship, by sitting down and refusing to play. When he was a teenager, he looked up to his coach, Whitey Durham, but as he got older, their relationship turned into one of animosity.

For most of high school, Dan dated Karen Roe and he loved her, even wanting to marry her. He was popular and cocky, but there was a side of him that came out, only with her. Karen became pregnant when they were seniors in high school, and he went away to college anyway. But, he said he would be there for her.

Once he was in college, he met Deb Lee, and she too was pregnant, just a few months later. He almost left her before she told him, wanting to go back to Karen but eventually, he wound up abandoning Karen, never showing up at the hospital, when his oldest son, Lucas was born.

While in college, Dan hurt his knee and with his mother's help, he lied to his father about how bad his injury was and left basketball behind. Just three months after Lucas was born, Deb gave birth to his second son, Nathan.

With Deb's family's wealth and her father being willing to invest in him, he started Dan Scott Motors. Having a car dealership was originally his brother's idea but Dan had the money to do so. Dan and Keith didn't get along, and Keith helped Karen raise Lucas.

Once the boys were teenagers, things started to be less perfect in his life. He pushed Nathan, who inherited his basketball genes to be great, much like his father did. But, Lucas inherited those genes too. When Lucas joined the basketball team, he helped turn Nathan against Lucas.

He continued to mostly shun Lucas, other than signing for him to have surgery. He and Deb spent a lot of time apart, but eventually, she got sick of him and wanted a divorce. Nathan was sick of them both and emancipated himself from them.

After finding Deb in bed with his brother, Dan wound up having a heart attack, all while his seventeen year old son had gotten married. He was nice for a time, but refused to sign the divorce papers for quite some time. Out of revenge for Keith sleeping with Deb, Dan hired a woman to seduce Keith and break his heart.

Once Lucas found out, Dan manipulated him into moving in with him, and he'd keep Lucas' heart condition a secret. Of course, it all went badly and Keith wound up hurt. When Dan was in a fire in the dealership, he was sure Keith was the one who poisoned him and set it on fire. He continued to manipulate everyone around him, even becoming mayor. When the school happened, Dan shot Keith and killed him.

Haunted by what he thought was his brother's ghost and finding out Keith didn't try to kill him made him feel the guilt of his actions. When Karen told him she was pegnant with Keith's baby, he promised to be there and tried to get closer to her.

Still estranged from his family, he never thought that Lucas would be the one to find out he killed Keith. Though he initially denied it, Karen going into the hospital after Lucas confronted Dan weighed on him, as the secret started to come out. He wound up confessing to the police and spent the next four years in prison.

Upon his release, he wanted to make things right with his family, but Nathan and Lucas did not buy it. His grandson Jamie was what helped him start to change. But, he also needed a heart transplant or he would die. Things never go smoothly and he wound up getting kidnapped by a former nanny and a dog ate his other heart.

Disappearing for a while, he returned later with a new talk show and a new wife, who graduated with Nathan & Lucas. No matter what he tried, neither son wanted to forgive him, even when he was telling other people they deserve forgiveness. He walked away from it, all the money he had, and Rachel when they were going to do a talk show where he killed Keith. Seeing Jamie before he went, he boarded a bus to start a new life.

His new life consisted of living in the middle of nowhere, running a diner. It was a shell of his former life and no one really bothered him. When Nathan eventually brought him a picture of his new baby girl and Jamie's first homerun baseball, he made the choice to take that in and he burned down his diner and returned to Tree Hill.

While Nathan was away in Europe, he approached Haley about staying with them. When Nathan returned, he told him he had to be gone by the time he got back from Europe. When Nathan went missing, Dan did everything he could to try to find him, with Haley's help. Figuring out where he was, he had Chris Keller and Julian for backup. Rescuing Nathan, things didn't go according to plan and he got shot in the back.

Nothing could ever kill Dan Scott. This time, his wounds were too severe, but he got to make peace with Nathan and spend time with his grandchildren, feeling the forgiveness that he knew he didn't deserve. He found his redemption but never got over what he did to Keith.

As he stopped breathing, he saw Keith who told him that he could be his plus one in heaven

(This is a summary of his show canon but adjustments can be made, on a case by case basis.

His actual canon bio: HERE

VERSES:

V: Basketball Star [High School & College]

From a young age, Dan was good at basketball and his father pushed him hard. He was great in high school and got a scholarship. There was more than his cockiness but very few people got to see that.

V: Young Adult [Birth of the boys - start of the show]

Back in Tree Hill and married to Deb, he prides himself in raising his second son, Nathan. He never acknowledges Lucas, the son he fathered with his high school love. He keeps tabs on him but that's it. He's focused on raising Nathan to be the best, but he would never be as great as Dan.

V: Assiest Ass on the Planet [Seasons 1-4]

With both boys on the team, Dan's pressure on Nathan intensifies. His wife winds up leaving him. He manipulates pretty much everyone he comes in contact with and he makes a mistake that will haunt him for the rest of his life, one that causes his family to hate him.

V: Reformed? [Seasons 5-6]

After several years in prison, Dan wants to make amends with his family. But, Nathan and Lucas don't want him near their families. He starts to grow closer to Jamie after he rescues him from his psycho nanny. He wants his family back, but he knows that it probably won't happen. He also needs a heart transplant, but that probably won't happen either.

V: Scott Free Redemption [Season 7]

Dan disappeared from Tree Hill for a while. Now he has a new wife, Rachel Gatina and a best-selling self help book, along with a TV show. But, it's all a fraud. He tries to makes amends with Nathan, by proving that a woman was lying but it didn't do anything. His redemption truly begins when he quits his show, gives up his fortune and leaves his wife and Tree Hill. 

V: Flipping Burgers [Diner Era]

Dan literally gave up everything and now he runs a diner, outside of town. No one bothers him and he is on a path to redemption, even if he never sees him again.

V: Danny Boy [Season 9]

After burning down his diner, Dan went to Haley and told her he lost everything. Nathan was not pleased his father was staying at his house and told him when he left for Europe, he better not be there when he returns. He helped Haley at the Cafe and tried to keep a low-profile. But eventually, he gets kicked out and moves into one of the trailers on Julian's soundstage. When Nathan goes missing, Dan is determined to find him and not let him down. He didn't care if he died doing it.

V: Lifetime Piling Up [Canon Divergence and AU]

This is where all canon divergence and AU's fall.

Faceclaim(s): Paul Johansson

[probablyasocialecologist]

I’m going to be honest straight away. I think “Gender Critical” people* are radicalised and I think there is a lot of danger for many cis people on the periphery to follow them down that rabbit hole. I’m writing this essay in an effort to prevent radicalisation of any feminists looking in on the situation who haven’t made their minds up yet. I’m speaking to people who consider themselves feminists and don’t consider themselves transphobic. I’m speaking to people who don’t spend time accusing trans people of having fetishes, who don’t think selfies with Proud Boys are excusable, and who don’t think soup is worse than Nazis. If that’s you, I hope you read on and consider what I have to say in good faith.

[...]

Here’s what else I know for sure. Trans people are real people. Their lives are not hypothetical. While we are discussing this topic on Twitter like it’s a theoretical game, they are truly scared for the future of their rights. So far in the UK there has not been significant legislative change, but we’ve seen hundreds of anti-trans laws proposed in the US, from threatening to perform genital testing on young women in high school sports to revoking the medical licenses of doctors who provide affirming care to threatening to take kids away from parents who even socially affirm their child’s gender. These are real children. They are not fodder for us to argue over. How many trans people, adults or children, do you know in person? And what aspects of their well-being are you willing to risk for a theoretical argument?

[...]

I don’t think I’ll have to work very hard to convince you that whatever so-called values Tucker Carlson, Matt Walsh, Jordan Peterson or ACTUAL NAZIS have do not align with the values of radical feminists. I would suggest that the reason they are interested in the issue are because they see something you don’t. Right-wingers recognise women’s liberation when they see it, because they hate it so much. They have never been on our side. They never will be on our side. They do not respect our right to our own lives, our own bodies, or our own minds, so if they are agreeing with you on an issue of women’s rights, THERE IS A PROBLEM. You might be thinking that you and Tucker don’t see eye to eye on the basics of the issue: he is pro-gender stereotypes and you are against them. But where does this all end up? It pains me to point out the right is very often several steps ahead of us; the devastating destruction of Roe v Wade shows us that. What is in it for them? They get to divide the left, something the gender debate has been extraordinarily effective at. They get to distract feminists from real issues (again Roe v Wade, the cornerstone of American feminist achievement, has fallen). On this very trip, Posie Parker has been spouting anti-abortion sentiment for the minors who need abortion and birth control the most, and since becoming radicalised, she’s claimed that lesbian mothers weren’t really mothers, and that trans men (whom she views as women) should be forcibly sterilised. They get to paint the left as the real agents of hatred, as the real homophobes, as the people really trying to shut down debate. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start criticising women’s appearance and behaviour for not being feminine enough. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start to argue that male violence is not a product of socialisation, of entitlement, of broken legal systems that do not view women’s bodies as their own, but as something inherent to men. Something they can’t help. Something we shouldn’t even try to change. And they get to recruit you. And they are doing that with remarkable success.

[zerogate]

"Men were designed for short, nasty, brutal lives. Women are designed for long, miserable ones." -- Dr. Estelle Ramey

Male expendability starts in the womb. The egg of the female inches in solitary splendor down the fallopian tube, inviting impregnation. It has no competition. On the other hand, the sperm—the male’s contribution to procreation—vigorously swim the lengthy course up the vagina and uterus, beating their long, thin tails in an effort to outrace the millions of their brothers headed for that solitary egg. Only a single spermatozoon—one literally “chosen” by the ovum—manages to finally penetrate the egg’s outer membrane and achieve the grand prize of impregnation. The losers die.

But that is merely a preview of the casual manner in which Nature tosses male lives away. Male fetuses are the primary victims of natural abortions, miscarriages, and stillbirths. When times are tough, Nature shows her preference by hiking the rates of spontaneous abortion for males to higher than normal but continuing her tendency to preserve her embryonic daughters. As James V. Neel of the University of Washington says, for males “in utero it’s a jungle.”

Things don’t get any better after birth. In their first few years of life, male babies have a higher death rate than their sisters. Then the nasty habits built into the male genes begin to take their toll. Even in a nice, civilized spot like Alameda, California, where researchers performed a longitudinal study of five thousand adults, males were nearly four times more likely to lose their lives to homicide than females. And they were twice as likely to be accident victims. Their own aggression and bravado did them in.

But cockiness is not the only thing that mows men down. They are twice as likely to be victims of lung cancer, suicide, pulmonary disease, cirrhosis, and heart disease. The immune systems of females work far more efficiently than those of males. How can you encourage the male immune apparatus to function at a higher level? There is a way, but I wouldn’t recommend it: castration. The single trick that kicks the male defensive system into higher gear is the elimination of maleness.

[...]

One result of these myriad handicaps: in every industrialized country, women live four to ten years longer than men. But why does Nature treat the lives of males with such abandon? The reasons are simple. If you did away with the vast majority of men on the planet but preserved the women, you would scarcely even dent our species’ reproductive capabilities. One man kept around as a stud could easily provide a hundred women with the wherewithal to become pregnant whenever they pleased. Every nine months a one-man, one-hundred-woman collective could produce a hundred babies.

Just how disposable males are becomes obvious in the light of statistics revealed by anthropologists William Divale and Marvin Harris in 1976. The pair scrutinized data from 561 primitive social groups. They found that societies constantly engaged in war are very selective about the babies they allow to live. They want boys—male children who can grow up to be warriors—so they weed out the female infants, killing them outright or undernourishing and overworking them. The result is that they end up with 128 male children for every 100 females. So far, it sounds like the males have made out quite well. But when the “treasured’ ‘ young boys pass the age of fifteen, their fate becomes less rosy. They are sent off to war. And there, they die. On the average, 28 out of every 128 never make it to maturity. Their lives are simply tossed away.

-- Howard Bloom, The Lucifer Principle: A Scientific Expedition into the Forces of History

[ghost-songs]

station eleven pt.3

Discussion Points: 

“He placed a punch of snow on his tongue and thought of making snow ice cream with Frank and their mother when they were small boys-- “First you stir in the vanilla”-- Frank standing on a stool on his wondrously functional pre-Libya legs, the bullet that would sever his spinal cord still twenty-five years away but already approaching: a woman giving birth to a child who will someday pull the trigger on a gun, a designer sketching the weapon or its precursor, a dictator making a decision that will spark in the fullness of time into the conflagration that Frank will go overseas to cover for Reuters, the pieces of a pattern drifting closer together.” (Von Mandel 191)

     - This is the internal monologue of Jeevan as he is first leaving Toronto, after just losing his brother and witnessing the end of modern society a month prior. What is beautiful and tragic about this thought process is it starts from Jeevan reminiscing about happy memories from his childhood, unfortunately, this comes about out of his actions for survival when he has no water. I love this passage particularly because it shows Jeevan’s grieving in an interesting way, I believe that by Jeevan thinking about what led up to his brother being paralyzed, he is questioning how different things would be if any of those things had never happened; his brother might still be with him right now. This pattern of thinking could also apply to the Georgian Flu, what would the world be like if Patient Zero didn’t do x, if they didn’t pass it on, and if Patient Zero was never even born.

“Anyway. I am going to be an actor and I am going to be good, that’s the important thing, I want to do something remarkable but I don’t know what. I told that to one of my roommates last night and he laughed and called me young, but we’re all getting older and it’s going so fast. I’m already 19.” (Von Mandel)

      - This quote comes from one of Arthur’s letters to his childhood friend Victoria, written when he first moved to Toronto and was starting out in acting classes. I chose this passage because I think it speaks on an idea that a lot of young people have, that life is moving past them fast and that they have to commit to a career before it escapes them. What is beautiful about this passage is that the letter that this is taken from conveys a feeling of whimsy for life as a 19 year-old, from doing new things to figuring yourself out, while this section hones in reality by showing the anxious feelings of an emerging adult; it shows how young and old you feel at the same time. Personally, I can appreciate this passage as a 19 year-old with similar experiences.

2. I think that I’ll write about a non-traditional way for the world to end that you don’t often see from dystopian novels, especially ones aimed at teens. Though I find dystopian book about the end being caused by climate change or a virus to be interesting, I’m interested about writing about a universe where something else happens. I would like to write about the end potentially coming from military action or weapons of mass destruction.

Discussion Questions:

A. Many items that Kirsten carries with her were relics from the world before the collapse, such as her Station Eleven comic book, a glass paperweight, and Dear V, a book about Arthur Leander that was written before the collapse. Since Kirsten doesn’t remember the world before the flu, these objects bring her comfort and perspective. Creating Station Eleven provided a great deal to Miranda, it was a not just her own fulfilling, creative project, but it was also her oasis. Writing it allowed her to create an idealized world where she often could imagine herself in. Similarly, Kirsten is able to find similar value in these comics; in a nomadic lifestyle, they are some of the possessions that she holds onto and can continue to find entertainment and escapism in. Like Miranda, Kirsten can escape to an idealized world in these comics. Like Dr. Eleven who finds solace in his spaceship, Kirsten and Miranda view Station Eleven as their spaceship.

B. Section 4 reveals the difficulty that comes with living a nomadic life and the instability that the post-flu world has. Though travelling with her troupe brings it’s own challenges often, Kirsten experiences new travelling and safety concerns when her and August have to travel on their own. These ideas are wonderfully juxtapositioned by the hopes that she expresses for Alexandria that occur right before multiple members of her troupe are taken, revealing the danger and instability of their world.

C. Jeevan feels conflicted about leaving Frank initially and rejects it, but is able to come to terms with leaving. Jeevan is able to move on because he realizes that there is no possibility or reason for survival for Frank in his condition. The idea of going South into the U.S presents a reason for Jeevan to keep going and surviving.

D. Memories of before the Flu are viewed differently by different members of the Troupe, mostly dependent on the member’s age. For Kirsten, she remembers next to nothing of the pre-flu world, despite being 8, and is neutral about it. For her, her memory is something to be thankful for, since she was able to black out the trauma she experienced in Year One and has no memories of the pre-flu world to long for. However, August often longs for many experiences and things of the pre-flu world because he was older and was consequently old enough to retain his memories. For August, this causes both despair and wisdom, he has better insight, but also had more to lose. What Mendel could be saying about memory is that it plays a huge role on our outlook on life and can permanently alter the human experience; it can be both a blessing and a curse and everything in between.

[lichdragon-fortissax]

thoughts on mohg/miquella?

Are we talking about the romantic ship sense or merely toying around with their dynamic sense? Because I'm very much not a shipper, lol. Incest/big age gap ships are pretty much always an auto nope for me no matter what, 's why I put it in my pinned post.

Although honestly, it's not the incest that bothers me (these are royals and gods who interbreed all the time, Mohg was raised in a fucking sewer so he has zero idea), nor the underage content (Mohg canonically didn't rape Miquella + Miquella is nearly in his adult morph by the time we see him, so Mohg v. much is not interested in his childlike state) this time around, for the reasons that I've stated. It's because I view it as a parasitic relationship, where Mohg is the host and Miquella the parasite. And sure, yeah, some romantic relationships are unhealthy like that, but I think both are so focused on hungrily devouring what they need that the concept of romance is merely a farce.

Let's start with Mohg, who's canonically very lovey-dovey with Miquella. This isn't a farce; I genuinely think that Mohg is being honest with his affections. The important distinction is that I don't think he loves *Miquella*, he loves the *concept* of what Miquella will give to him. For Mohg, you see, is canonically a power-hungry lunatic grasping at straws while he playacts the part of lord, and honestly? It's very much not a surprise that he's like this. His mother shunned him from birth, we have no idea if Godfrey visited him like he did with Morgott, and the first entity that ever showed him affection was the Formless Mother, who did so to induct him into a cult. He's gotten a taste of what it feels like to be loved and respected after so long without, and he's *desperate* for it. He wants nothing more than to capture what Godwyn had that he did not, and Miquella is a perfect way of getting to that goal. By becoming an Empyrean's consort, he automatically becomes a lord. By becoming married to the one Empyrean who accepted shunned beings, he theoretically grants himself love (and Mohg does not need it to be pure or natural- anything close enough to it is love). Not to mention that his plan does have some merit, as there's a 'you scratch my back, I scratch yours' sort of deal between the two, where Mohg breaks Miquella's curse, and Miquella marries him in exchange. It wasn't agreed on, of course, but Mohg is a feral sewer bastard and likely never considered the fact that Miquella would refuse him to begin with. I mean, he's openly called a maniac who kidnaps people and makes friends with those who try to kill him, he has zero concept of what a healthy relationship is or how to speak to others. He's literally a feral child playacting as a lord, in just about the worst way possible (satanic blood cult)

For Miquella, it gets more complicated. He's most certainly the victim in this scenario, there's no way he wanted to be kidnapped from the Haligtree, but I also don't think that he's entirely helpless here. The fandom likes to paint him as some sort of innocent, helpless little boy, but Miquella in-game is canonically *really fucking weird* and honestly kinda creepy. He has golden intentions, sure- he wants to stop his sister's rot, he wants those shunned by Marika to find peace and happiness under his Haligtree- but he's still an Empyrean, and he's just as powerful as his sister. His magic does not rot flesh- it enthralls minds, and he canonically knows how to use it to his advantage, manipulating people to get what he wants. He watered the Haligtree with his own blood, making himself a predestined host for his transformation, then formed it in such a way that it looked like he was giving birth to himself again when he was in the cocoon. This wasn't someone who's trapped in the mind and body of a child for centuries, this is a god in the body of a young boy, and it's *terrifying*. And Mohg snatched him when he was in the middle of that transformation, feeding off of the Haligtree's lifeforce. What was he supposed to use for nutrients, then? In this case, Mohg was the obvious and only choice; his omen blood is quite powerful by nature, and has only been made stronger with the tampering of the Formless Mother. And he's already fixated on helping Miquella's curse to begin with; it would be so easy, then, for the god of allure to wrap him into his web of fascination and obsession, to ensure that Mohg would protect him until he was either dead or Miquella was finished maturing. Mohg's solitary obsession in game is to protect Miquella and feed him blood, after all, which is clearly breaking his curse- Miquella is somewhat benefitting from this, though it isn't ideal and it's not what he planned. That's not to say that Mohg is the victim, either- it's more that he's bitten off more than he could chew, and Miquella took advantage of that to spin the odds in his favor (likely more viciously than he'd do irl, as he's asleep and thus acting off instinct alone). So Miquella sees Mohg as nothing more than a convenient protector and food supply, like any parasite thinks of its host. And Mohg foolishly thinks that he is helping Miquella, and that he will be rewarded appropriatly, without being aware that he's just a bloodbag. Not that he'd seem to mind even if he knew- like I said, Mohg's concepts of love and power are quite perveted, so I'm sure the simple concept of being needed by another in any way would be seen as love in his eyes, even if it ends up killing him. He doesn't care. He only hungers, and clings to his childish delusions, while Miquella takes and takes and takes within his cocoon to shed the childlike illusion that tainted his whole life, caring little for whose blood is whose or who he's enthralled to serve him.

Then there's also the case of the Formless Mother. She's somewhat of a wildcard, and I don't think that she's inherently malicious, but she certainly doesn't seem to be sympathetic. I very firmly believe that Mohg is being used by her, in a sort of sick twist to how Morgott served the Erdtree despite it wanting very little of him; he's just too easy to manipulate, and has no reference to compare her to other than the order that literally shunned him in the first place. What she wants to do with Miquella is anybody's guess, but if there's one thing we know, it's that Empyreans are powerful, and closely watched by the Fingers to prevent rebellion against the Erdtree. So perhaps she's been quietly recruiting the Erdtree's shunned folk- the Omen- and has been looking to make a move to make Miquella her own for quite a while, but never got the chance before Mohg arrived, as he's the only one strong enough to do so. I have no idea how Mohg would have learned about the whole Empyrean marriage = autolordship, after all, and the satanic blood rituals/communion that they're preforming on Miquella are most certainly of the Formless Mother + Mohg's powers. Maybe she's trying to choke out Miquella's light, trying to forcefully transform him into something that she can use like what she did with Mohg, and that's why his development is taking so long- because he's slowly being corrupted, and giving in.

So no, I don't ship them. It's a ravenous cycle of gluttony, and I love it, but there's no love to it. All there is is hunger.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 3

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No one would imagine that a single drop could be the start of something so big. However, it would earn itself great meaning after a while passed. Should it continue pouring, it could also summon boundless blessings and curses.

Love was almost like rain.

   The Journey and the Auto-Memories Doll

   That one was a rain of betrayal.

It started with a calm morning, the sky unfolding without any hints of being enshrouded in dark clouds. Regardless, it did not take too long for the capricious rain brought by the heavens to turn into a downpour rarely seen in recent years.

There was no longer any sign of the rain that had started to fall like gentle kisses from paradise on the black hats of gentlemen walking around town, over the backs of cats dozing under the sun or onto the cheeks of children who opened their mouths and burst into laughter. The current season was the end of summer, and it was raining for the first in a long while in Leidenschaftlich, where the skies were constantly clear in summer, but had the god that controlled weather gone crazy? With time, as if a bucket had turned over, the city was hit by a flood.

This story is about an uneventful day, which did nothing but pass, in the lives of people who worked at a certain postal company.

   The rain and wind struck the entire building as if attacking it. The doorbell rang loudly because of this, a man standing in place and staring at it with unease.

Creak-creak, the door moved. Ring-ring, the bell resounded. Since it was ringing despite there being no customers, he had become concerned and found himself coming down from his residence in the top floor.

In the previous year, the building had been shot with rocket artillery, and not only had it earned an enormous hole but a fire had also occurred – however, thanks to the quick skills of workmen, the hole was now closed and the walls had been neatly rebuilt.

The man was a stylish redhead. He was the president of this company, which he had named after himself.

Claudia Hodgins had been left all alone in the empty postal office. Still, it was normal for him to be there, as it was both his home and workplace. However, since he was by himself at a time that would usually still be within business hours, no matter what, he looked like he had been abandoned.

The postal office had been in great turmoil because of the storm. Surely, so had its peers. With the deliveries stagnated, complaints were coming from the clients. Nevertheless, the transportation was not carried out by machines devoid of feelings. It was something done by humans, who had been given birth to by someone and who had families waiting for them when they returned home. In lieu of the unpreceded disaster, as the president, he had notified all employees that business would be closed for today.

To begin with, the customers had stopped coming in the middle of the day. If he had to say so himself, this might be the expected. Deliberately going outside amidst such strong wind and torrential rain was an act of sheer madness.

Curious about what was going on outside, Hodgins had approached the entrance from the side. He felt like attempting to open the large doors just a little. He wanted to see how inundated the ground was. Just when he slow and carefully reached a hand towards it, the door opened with force despite him not doing anything.

“Ow...!”

“Oh, my bad. More importantly, we’re screwed; it’s just impossible, Old Man!”

Hodgins was teary-eyed as his precious nose took a hit. He was lightheaded for an instant due to the pain, but soon regained consciousness. After all, one of his employees had come back dripping-wet. Hodgins pulled him – whole body wrapped in rain gear – by the arm, bringing him inside and closing the door. Although it was only open for a few seconds, the entrance was already drenched.

The visitor took off the hood over his head, allowing his face to be seen. He was a splendidly handsome and fine man of sky-blue eyes and sandy-blond hair.

“Benedict...!”

Benedict Blue. One of the postal company’s postmen, who had been working in it ever since its founding.

“It’s impossible – actually, it’s absurd! Working under this rain is absurd! I look like I’m in the bath already. I wouldn’t have come here if I weren’t soaked... Making the staff pull out was the right choice,” Benedict said as if angry-yelling, shaking his head in the same way that a dog or cat would and splattering water splashes at Hodgins.

This wetted most of Hodgins’s shirt and face, but he was unable to reprimand his employee, who had been doing strenuous effort. He accepted it in resignation, wiping Benedict’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Okay, stay put.”

“Uoh, what’s with you? Stop.”

“Welcome home. I was worried. Good thing you’re all right.”

“O-Oh. What, hum... I’m back... You were worried about me?”

“Of course,” Hodgins said, to which Benedict turned away with an obviously embarrassed attitude after a moment of bewilderment.

Outside, vases and planters that may have been at the eaves of people’s houses, as well as shop signs, had been turning into weapons for a while now, dancing around the city along with the wind. Managing to come back unharmed and safely amidst this weather, where one could not know what would come flying their way, was something to be happy about.

“I’m just fine. This job’s easier than running around shooting guns. Anyway, I was left with the letters and packages of a guy who fell from his motorcycle and came back by myself. Was best to do that, right?”

“Aah, so someone got hurt?”

“That newbie, Clark. But he only scrapped his knees. He fell lots of times when he was learning how to ride, but for real, it’s surprisingly depressing when you fall off other than during practice. He was crying, y’see.”

“Aah~.”

Knowing who the person in question was, Hodgins pitied him. He was the youngest postman to join the company as of late. It was difficult to find human resources for postmen as they were quick to quit.

“He’s young, after all...”

“You call him young but... he’s already a grown man. I wonder if he ain’t lying to us about his age... I thought he was a baby or something.”

“You can’t compare him to a city boy fresh from the battlefield like yourself. I’m gonna get you a towel and a change of clothes now, so don’t move from there.”

“Why?”

“You’d wet the floor. Don’t tell me to go around cleaning up where you walked.”

“Clean it up,” he said while laughing, to which Hodgins’s shoulders slumped. He was a reliable companion, but also a young man who knew not how to show respect for his elders.

——Well, guess I’m a so-called doting parent for thinking that’s cute – no, doting boss.

Anyhow, they needed towels, Hodgins thought as he went back to his room. He grabbed a few large towels and held a pair of trousers and shirt that Benedict would apparently fit into under his arm. Then returned to the ground floor. By the time he did so, the number of people had increased.

“Uwah... Amazing, it’s like squeezing a rag.”

There were three more other than Benedict. If they were to be separated by types, one of them had evacuated after receiving a report of work, one had evacuated after finishing work, and one had been ordered to clock out, but all had come back halfway through, as their bodies were about to be blown off by the overwhelming storm.

“Please stop.” There was Violet Evergarden, whose golden hair was in Benedict’s grasp.

“Why? You said your hair was wet.”

“You just want to touch Violet’s hair, Benedict. Isn’t that right?” Lux Sibyl, who had given up on wiping her glasses and was glaring at the empty space.

“That’s not it. Don’t say weird stuff, Lux.”

“You knooow, my hair’s just as long as Violet’s.” And Cattleya Baudelaire, who scowled at Benedict with her arms crossed.

The members who had been there ever since the founding were Violet, Cattleya and Benedict, but Lux, having joined midway, was now a skillful secretary who covered up the schedule of the employees and president and moved them around like chess pieces. As the four people whose ages were close to each other’s came together, the conversation naturally livened up.

“You—You’re that kinda thing. If I touch you in a place like this, it’d be that kinda thing. This is our workplace, so there’s all that kinda thing. Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing.”

“What do you mean ‘morally speaking’?!”

“I wish you wouldn’t say those things even if you think about them. Right, Violet?”

“‘Public morals’...? Benedict, what am I from your point of view?”

“V, you’re like a little sister to me... Aah, Old Man, gimme another towel.”

It was a terribly joyful thing that the company’s young aces had returned to it safe and sound.

“Everyone, don’t move from that spot no matter what. Hey, Cattleya! Don’t move!”

However, wiping all the water off the bodies of those four turned out to be a bone-breaking work.

   Out of kindness, Hodgins invited the four people who had gathered up at the postal company to his residence in the top floor.

The whole floor was his apartment, thus it was quite large. A family of five could live comfortably in it. The furnishings were arranged in wooden items and serene shades of dark brown and green. It was a relaxed, adult atmosphere, where was nothing particularly funny. It had a faint scent of the perfume that Hodgins always wore.

The invited four let out sighs of relief. The biggest reason for it, although there was also the fact that this was Hodgins’s apartment, was that they were able to escape the horrible situation outdoors. With the exception of Lux, three of them were tough enough to take part in the act of physically crushing other postal companies, but human beings could not win against natural disasters.

“Hey, what do we do? We can’t go home anymore, can we?”

“There’s nothing we can do. We got no choice but stay in Old Man’s place.”

“First time something like this happens, huh. But we’re all together, so... might be imprudent of me to say this, but... it’s a bit fun. Violet, are you worried about your home?”

“Yes, about the flowerbeds.”

“You should say ‘about the people back home’, V.”

“The two went on a trip, so they are away. I promised that I would take care of the flowers in their absence, which is why... I am worried about the flowerbeds. Besides, if that house were to be destroyed by this storm, this place would meet its end much sooner... We have little time left to live.”

“Don’t go from talking about your family to destroying the company, Little Violet. Hey, hey, everyone, you’ll catch a cold so get changed first. Put the towels in the laundry basket. Benedict, don’t throw the towels wherever!”

As told by Hodgins, the employees firstly decided to change their clothes.

Violet and Cattleya had just returned from a work trip of two days and one night, thus they had a change of nightclothes in their bags, but Benedict and Lux did not. Although there was a height difference between them, Hodgins had no issues with lending clothes to Benedict, who was also a man, but there was a need for careful selection when it came to Lux.

“Shirt... shirt, shirt; all I have is shirts.”

“Hum, President, I’m fine with anything.”

“Eeh... that okay?”

As a result, the boy and girl came into the scene wearing baggy clothes. Benedict looked almost the same as when he and Hodgins first met. When he was left to chance completely naked in a desert, he had borrowed a shirt and trousers just as he was doing now. He seemed pleased with it, however...

“Feels kinda naughty...”

...the problem was Lux.

“Benedict’s fine, but maybe it won’t do for Little Lux? Is this okay?” Hodgins asked everyone with a meek face.

They all had at last settled down, each seated in a place of their preference while sipping tea. The employees were relaxing as if they were in their own homes. Contrary to the peaceful state of the situation inside, there was still a sound of rain hitting the windows and a troubled noise of something colliding against the building outside.

“What is ‘okay’ supposed to mean?” Sitting on the sofa, Violet tilted her head. Being comfortably dressed in a dusty-pink nightwear gave her usually disciplined self a slightly soft and gentle air.

“Little Violet.”

“Yes.”

“Your nightgown is cute, huh.”

“The people from the household bought it for me. Well, what is ‘okay’ supposed to mean? Was there any problem?”

“Little Lux’s clothes.”

For whatever reason, they had the person in question standing in the center of the room. With everyone’s eyes on her, she seemed uneasy.

“Hum... why do I have to stand in the middle?”

“Little Lux, stay like that and don’t move.”

“All right.”

“What is wrong with Lux’s look? You mean to say it lacks adornment?”

“Why would that be the case, Little Violet?”

“You are the one who chooses attires for us Dolls and you have particularities regarding the clothing and accessories, so I concluded that you might deem the plain shirt as not enough.”

“No, no.” Hodgins flailed both hands. The things he was saying had a moral value to them, out of fear that her outfit was perhaps vulgar.

Benedict had dealt with it by securing her trousers with a belt, but as Lux had too thin a waist, the outcome was the belt falling off. In short, she was not wearing pants. Inevitably, she was dressed in nothing but a shirt. However, her short stature fortunately made it look like a shirt-dress.

As Hodgins explained his concern, everyone said, “I see.”

Showered with their stares more and more, Lux began to blush.

“It gives off a dangerous feeling when you think she ain’t wearing any, but on second thought, isn’t that the same for skirts? There’s actually an open hole in them, but it’s not visible, so they’re classified as clothes. No big deal, is it?” Benedict had been standing with his back against the wall just a moment ago, yet had suddenly drawn close to her and started examining her fixatedly.

“Don’t say ‘not wearing any’!”

“Well, I mean, you really ain’t wearing any... but that’s okay. No biggie. You’re probably not an option for Old Man, so no worries. Right?”

“That’s rude!”

“I’m saying you don’t need to worry about that kinda thing... Should I take mine off, then? I see; I’m fine with it. I’ll be the same as you. That all right? I’m gonna take it off.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” As Benedict put a hand to his belt while laughing, Lux repeatedly hit his chest with her fists to stop him. Lux was red up to her ears. “I can’t take this anymore! Violet! Take Benedict to over there!”

“Understood.”

“Owowowow, V, ouch, that’s not it; it was the Old Man who said weird stuff first. We’re friends, so I was showing that she doesn’t have to get hung up over something like...”

Caught in Violet’s arms, Benedict obediently sat on the sofa. Perhaps in order not to allow him to escape, she gripped his hands and sat next to him.

Cattleya cut through the silence, “The tea is delicious.” She was scattered over the bed. She must have been tired from returning from the Doll business trip. Her eyes were downcast. She might be sleepy.

“Cattleya, do you not have any comments to make? I want to hear lots of opinions.”

“Eeeh, me?” Cattleya joined the needless debate as if it were a bother. “Hmmm... if someone were making her wear this because it’s their taste, it’d be gross indeed, but there’s no other clothes for her... It’d also be horrible to leave her with just a towel wrap, so I think it’s valid. Speaking of which, President...”

“Hm?”

“You’re saying that even though you pick open-chested clothes for my Doll outfits? And the times you were choosing Doll attires for me, y’knooow, you were never so considerate to say ‘not this, not this either’ when discussing it with the people from the made-to-order store...”

Her manner of speech was somewhat thorny, but Hodgins did not make much out of it. “That’s because they look good on you.” Rather, he said decisively, with an earnest gaze and excessive confidence, “Because they look good on you. Is my judgement wrong?”

“E-Eh?” Being replied to so unapologetically, Cattleya’s reasoning jumbled up, to the point she found herself wondering if she was the one in the wrong.

The Doll outfit that Cattleya usually wore was composed mainly of a crimson dress-coat, so there was no mistaking that one could not wear it unless the person was remarkably stylish. In addition, there was also no doubt that it was lascivious. Whoever looked at her would find their line of sight momentarily going to her chest. Still, whoever looked at her would remember the woman named Cattleya Baudelaire at once.

“No... it’s not like your choices are wrong... but I only forgive you because you’re the boss. I was shocked when you first showed me that outfit! I didn’t use to wear something like that before.”

“Well, but y’see, an hourglass-shaped person looks more slender when the area around their collarbone is exposed, and it’s pretty.”

An evident question mark floated above Violet’s head at the unfamiliar word. Benedict pointed a finger at the tea set arranged on the nearby table. An hourglass used to measure the time it took to steam the tealeaves was lying there. Perhaps finding the similarity between it and a plump chest and dainty hips, Violet nodded as if convinced.

“You’ve got an hourglass-shaped figure with that slim waist, so I gave you a coat-dress that puts this on display. You can adjust it with the ribbon, so it’s not a pain, right? It has a wonderful line in mathematical terms, y’know? Plus, you also have a cheerful character, so it doesn’t look vulgar. That’s important. It means that outfit takes into consideration even the personality of the one wearing it. And the owner of that made-to-order store is famous not just in this country but abroad. The outfits of our Dolls are on a whole different level in comparison to other companies, aren’t they?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“I don’t want to bring this up, but they’re very expensive.”

“Eh, I’m sorry. S-Should I pay you back? Either that or you can dock my salary...”

“No, you’re my Doll, after all. Nobody waters a flower to get money off it, right? It’s fine, Cattleya. Just stay pretty. It’s exactly because I have obsessions over clothes that I don’t want to make a girl look vulgar. And it’s exactly because I like girls that I want to have them shine wonderfully. That’s also why I have a few complaints about Little Lux’s usual plain clothes, though...”

“I don’t know why you decided to run a mail service, President, but I accept that passion of yours. I’ll wear those clothes with care. But, President, I’m doing my best, so I want a new outfit. A cute one.”

Listening to the conversation of the two in silence, perhaps tired of going along with her superior, Lux looked at Violet and Benedict’s direction with a gaze that quietly asked for help. There was a gap on the sofa that seemed enough for one person to sit. Having locked eyes with her, Violet told Benedict to scoot over after a brief moment and patted the open spot. Lux sat next to them, looking happy.

“Violet, what’re you drinking?” Lux peeked at the teacup that Violet was holding.

“I wonder. I took the tealeaves that were in the kitchen. I do not know what type of tea it is.”

“Darjeeling.”

“Benedict, how did you know?”

“‘Cause that guy likes Darjeeling. All the tea cans he has are nothing but that.”

“Guess I’m gonna drink that too; my body got cold from the long time under the rain.”

“Heeey, the three of you who ended the talk before we noticed! Listen to what I have to say.” Hodgins put his hands on his hips, pretending to be angry.

“We were deviating from the main subject. We deemed that it was not a necessary conversation and took action prioritizing Lux’s rest,” Violet expressed with a clear voice tone.

“Besides, this talk’s about bedroom wear, ain’t it?” Benedict added a two-fold retort. The blond, blue-eyed duo that looked like siblings stared at Hodgins with questioning eyes.

“Ugh, I comply with you two no matter what you say when you both look at me at the same time, so cut it out. But I’m not giving up. I think she needs one more article of clothing.”

“Hum... President, I’m okay with this. I’m already thankful that I could borrow your clothes. Besides, when you make such a big fuss about it, things that weren’t lewd in the first place start to seem lewd, so to say,” Lux said, wanting to end this topic as fast as possible.

“The solution has come to me. Wouldn’t it be best if I took the shirt and trousers and had Lux wear this nightgown?”

However, Violet wound up rewinding it.

——Violet!

Lux hit Violet repeatedly in her mind.

“Ah~, that’s right. If that’s the case, I can do it too. But maybe my nightgown is too big? It’s a negligee just like Violet’s. The shoulder length might be the problem for this one...”

“Old Man, you gonna die if you don’t obsess over the stuff we wear? You ain’t. Give up.”

“No way. Days like this one don’t come by. All five of us are trapped in the company and we can’t get out. You’ve got no choice but stay here in my house, right? We’re having the best of parties, a pajama party. I want it to be a good one. But I can’t enjoy it when I’m worrying over Little Lux’s clothes.”

Benedict contemplated a reply to Hodgins’s words for a few seconds, but soon stopped. He was probably tired. He looked Violet’s way and asked, “Hey, you not hungry? I’m gonna take a look at the kitchen.

“Hey, don’t ignore me.” As Benedict stood up, Hodgins chased after him.

“Benedict’s gonna make something? Yay! You guys probably don’t know this, but he’s good at cooking.” Cattleya lined up behind them.

“I didn’t say I was gonna make anything, though... Well, if you’re hungry, I can do it.”

“I shall assist you.” Violet raised her arms, rolling up her sleeves. Her prosthetics made a creaking noise.

“V, you can cook?”

“To some extent. In the military, I used to make preparations for the cooking. Mrs. Evergarden... Lady Tiffany also trained me on it.

“M-Me too... I can peel the potatoes, and stuff.” Lux hastily went after everyone. In a trail, a big move to the kitchen began to take place.

“Lux. You don’t usually cook, do you? I can already tell by just that statement. I’ll teach you.”

“Most things get solved just by peeling the potatoes... Benedict, you’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“Am not, Potato Demigod.”

“Violet, Benedict insulted me!”

“Benedict.”

“Owowow! V—! Don’t poke my sides! A hit from those crazy-ass prosthetics of yours ain’t no cutesy way to poke anyone! It just hurts like it normally would!”

In the end, Hodgins was able to find a light feather-print sweater in his closet and gave it to Lux. As she put it on, with her short stature, its length became the same as that of a long cardigan, which Hodgins was awfully pleased with for how adorable it was.

   The madder-red sky was not visible at dusk, the outside morphing into evening with no changes in the rainy weather.

Benedict made a soup at random with the vegetables available in Hodgins’s kitchen, which had seasonings in abundance, while Violet and Cattleya supplied it with cookies that they had brought back as souvenirs from their ghostwriting business trip. Lux brought over small candy marbles that she kept stored in her desk at the company, and Benedict, instructed by Hodgins, reluctantly took an expensive bottle hidden on the liquor shelf of the latter’s room.

“Hey, let’s rummage through the desks of everyone in the company. There are probably gonna be other ingredients in them.”

“If it’s Mr. Anthony’s desk, I think there’s definitely something in it. Mr. Anthony always gives me sweets... We’re in a state of emergency so I’m sure he’ll forgive us for it.”

“There were sweets in the reception guys’ desks. Would they get mad if we took them?”

“Definitely seem like they would. But this sweet... is one of the tasty ones... I wanna eat it.”

Lux, who was still growing, and Benedict, who had missed lunch and did not have enough with just the vegetable soup, procured more food. The sweets that the hungry thieves sneaked from the company employees’ desks turned out as what could be considered a big catch, and so, the five people trapped inside during a day of usual rain commenced a night party.

The five of different ages, genders and positions were already at a state where they could be deemed as a single family through the many incidents they had overcome and the time they had spent together. They laughed a lot, talked a lot.

“You remember when Violet brought Lux over? She went to negotiate it directly with Old Man with so much might, like, ‘I have picked up a puppy. Please give me permission to raise it here. Now, hurry’. They were holding hands and she wouldn’t let go of Lux, explaining the situation all at length as if to say she wasn’t gonna move until he gave the permission. The way Old Man acted so suspicious back then was a real blast.”

“I remember~! He was like, ‘Eh, “demigod”? Eh, “abduction and confinement”? Have you told the military police about that?’... President was so troubled, walking in circles around the two. It was the funniest thing of that year.”

“Hum... I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologize, Little Lux. You’re our main player now, so you did what you could to get where you are. You really exerted yourself in this unfamiliar land. Work for us forever, ‘kay? Rather, for me. Little Violet does some unbelievable stuff sometimes, but she generally doesn’t do anything wrong, so back then, her first-time deed shook up even someone like me, with plenty of life experience. Saying no didn’t even cross my mind.”

“I knew that President Hodgins would give you a generous treatment. If I had not concluded so, I would not have done such a thing. Thank you very much for that time, President.”

“Little Violet... Little Violet’s all grown up too, huh; you’ve become a wonderful lady...”

“Well, she’s got you as her example of guardian figure, after all.”

“I was raised by both Benedict and President Hodgins. You are my examples.”

“Eh, so I’m Old Man’s son...? Gimme the whole company.”

“No way! Actually, you’re taking a part of the company in the future, so that much should be fine, right?”

“You were serious about that? If you split the company...”

“Yeah, I’ll be the vice-president. V, call me Vice-President Benedict.”

“Benedict will be... the vice-president?”

“Violet, you haven’t been to the company too often because of work, right? I’ll stay as President Hodgins’s secretary, but some of the employees will go to Benedict’s side. That’s gonna be pretty lonely... Still, the company will be built inside the country, so it’ll be close in terms of distance. But it won’t be the same building anymore.”

“Other people... will also be gone.”

“Did I tell you that my role’s gonna change too?”

“I have not heard about that.”

“I’ll be transferred to training the newcomers. Violet, you’ll stay as you are. Well, between you and me, if we were to debate on which one should be the instructor, it’d have to be me. I’m good at looking after others.”

“Cattleya will be... an instructor...”

“I’ll be here like always. The Doll department that Little Violet and the others are in will stay in the main office and you’re largely in charge of the numbers in our Doll department, so your role won’t change.”

“Sounds like I don’t make money when you put it like that.”

“No, it’s not like that... I’ve been keeping the right people in the right places since long ago, right? I asked you to do this because I thought you could be everyone’s big sis. Besides, wasn’t it you, Cattleya, who immediately replied that you’d to it when I said your pay would increase if you became an instructor?”

“Well, that’s because I don’t know how long I could keep on being a Doll. It’s a job you can do even when you get older, but walking up mountains has been hard lately. Probably because of my high heels.”

They truly laughed a lot and talked a lot.

In their feel-at-home looks, they played card games, discussed memories of their trips and laughed holding their stomachs at silly stories. The night went on and on and the heavy rain outside gradually subsided, but no one said, “Let’s go home, then”. Days like these were a rarity. They all knew this much.

“I’m having lots of fun today. It’d be great if it were always like this.” The words that Cattleya muttered with a big smile spoke for everyone’s feelings.

Whenever a fun feast reached its climax, the loneliness towards the fact that it was going to end would cross the corners of people’s heads. That applied not only to this day that God had granted them but also to matters in the long run.

Perhaps the company named CH Postal Company itself could also be considered a feast to the people gathered in it. “May this dream, this fun time go on forever,” they wished.

The dream had begun with Claudia Hodgins. He then picked up Cattleya Baudelaire, Benedict Blue and Violet Evergarden.

“Make sure to just lick it. So, how’s that?”

They had built the company office building in Leidenschaftlich and started it together. As the postal business was a privatized one and the competitors were many, nobody could predict at first for how long this company would continue to exist.

“This stings.”

A local customer then came, earning them a large-scale contract in the delivery business.

“Eh~, you okay, Violet? You’re better off as someone who can’t drink...”

Their Auto-Memories Doll activities began to stand out.

“But everyone is changing.”

“Doesn’t that have nothing to do with drinking alcohol? I drink ‘cause I like it. If you don’t, then stop.”

“That’s right, Violet.”

“No... Major has a taste for drinking during meals, so I had been thinking of learning to do it one day as well. You are all changing one after another whenever I blink. I have started eating with other people quite often at work as well. I, too, shall adapt...”

Along the way, a girl who would later become a brilliant secretary joined them.

“I see... Then I want to try drinking too. I’m a secretary, after all. I have to eat out with other people. What kind of taste is it, if you had to compare?”

Despite the major changes in the personal life of each, all of them had contributed to the development of the company, to the point that they spent every single day being busy.

“Close to that of a perfume. In that it is hard to swallow.”

There would surely be many, many more changes.

“Hey, I can’t approve that opinion. Big Sis here will introduce you to delicious drinks. Rather than being taught by a man, you should learn from me. Lux, you can’t yet.”

Surely, their fates would twist further.

“Eh~?!”

“Benedict, bring another one. And something to crack it open with.”

For people to gather up, an encounter had to have happened. That was what it meant.

“Aight, aight...” Benedict stood up from the sofa. He had been dragged into Cattleya’s scheme, in which she had planned the conspiracy of attempting to make Violet Evergarden consume alcohol, because he himself had complied with it.

“O-Owah. Old Man. You were here?”

“‘Were here,’ you ask... this is my house.”

As they came across each other in the kitchen, Benedict had let out a brash voice without thinking. The reason might be that he perhaps was seen grinning as he walked in. Despite his nihilistic attitude, he was happy to spend time with his friends.

“I-I know. I was thinking you were taking too long in the toilet...”

“Cigar.”

With the kitchen’s small window open, Hodgins was smoking a cigar. All of the women despised the smell, so he rarely ever let them see him smoking. Just when Benedict was thinking about how he had suddenly stood up and disappeared, there he was, smoking in secret.

——He only smokes when he can’t calm down, though.

There was no better day to relax with their companions, and yet.

“Hey, take a look outside. It’s so quiet after the storm... like the wind. Even though it was so loud before.” Perhaps due to him being a little drunk, Hodgins’s face was red.

“True... Hey, need more booze. Ain’t there anything easier to drink?”

“Eh, why? You can’t give it to Little Lux.”

“Cattleya wants to make V drink some. Well, ain’t it okay? I think it’s about time she learns the ropes. Dunno when we’ll get to drink with her again... and it’s better to have people you get along with teaching you this kinda thing, right?”

“Eeh... it’s still too soon. If you insist, isn’t it enough to drip a drop of rum into her tea?”

“Can you even call that a drink? Make it a degree higher.”

Hodgins gave a strained smile. “Hey, hey, her big brother figure shouldn’t be saying this...”

“I say it because I’m her big brother figure. I mean, we’re getting more rookies. She’s the highlight of our Doll department. Eating with people is part of having a big job. Before she gets involved with someone who wants to make her drink...”

“Does this have anything to do with me telling you to be the branch manager?”

Hearing a slightly icy voice coming from the president, Benedict blinked. “No... sorta.”

“She’s still a child, and I’ll definitely always be with her in those kinds of places, so it’s okay. It’s still early to teach her how to drink. Nope, nope.”

“A ‘child’, you say... well, she’s got a childish side, but she ain’t one anymore.”

“She is – you, Cattleya and Little Lux, too, are all kids to me. Because you’re quick to do this kind of thing if I don’t keep an eye on you... My, my,” Hodgins said, blowing out the tobacco smoke. Mismatched as it was for someone with such a mature appearance, Benedict could get a glimpse of childishness in him.

“You’ll keep trying to do that from now on too? That’s impossible; face the reality,” Benedict bit out incidentally.

Silence.

Benedict’s words were not wrong. The CH Postal Company was growing rapidly as a business. The fact that the postal company led by Salvatore Rinaudo had withdrawn from the postal industry in the previous year had a major influence in this. They now reigned at a pivotal position in Leidenschaftlich’s postal service. The CH Postal Company would soon account for nearly all of the commissions from the people living in Leidenschaftlich. Other than being busy with work affairs, there were even discussions about relocating the head office because of problems with waiting areas and break rooms due to securing new employees.

“Like, you and I are gonna get damn busy. The Auto-Memories Doll department is gonna be the main organ of the head office and my place will be ordinary mail, right? We’ll be teaching people how things go, and I’ll be doing deliveries too. You’re the one with the busiest role. Anything and everything’s gonna be relayed to you. Getting to be close to your employees like until now while doing all that is just...”

It was natural for a company that had become bigger to do a corporative split-off and for one of their employees to manage the branch office. Benedict was still young but had the power to bring people together. The task would not be an impossible one if they put a veteran of the head office in charge of taking over it. They could do this, Hodgins had decided, thus he came up with the proposal.

“The regular meetings and other stuff that I take part in happen in the head office... It’s not like we won’t get to see each other.”

“Everyone will have a different post and position. We won’t get to see each other. Same for you, Old Man.”

“If it’s work, I can adjust it. I’ll do my best to administrate everyone so that the employees can get a time every now and then to relax like this...”

“Old Man, even if you do your best, V’s dating that nasty-ass military officer, so won’t they get married someday? Dunno ‘bout it, but... that’s why it’s impossible to always watch over us in the first place...”

Silence.

“Hey, don’t clam up.”

What was being thrust at Hodgins now was something that he did not want to look straight at, despite thinking about and readying himself for it. That was what he was being told.

“Hodgins – hey, Old Man.”

It was something that Benedict Blue had the right to say, exactly because they had been doing everything together from the start.

“Hey, don’t take it in a weird way. I ain’t saying this to be malicious. You left the Auto-Memories Doll department in the head office ‘cause your wish to watch over V is a big deal, right? I get it. She’s special to you.”

“That’s not it; I—”

“But she won’t be a kid forever. She’s different from back when she started working, with you teaching her everything. She’s someone who’s gonna let go of your hand one day. She ain’t your real daughter or your girlfriend. Then, if you had to say what she is, at the end of the day, she’s your employee. You’ll part ways one day. If you don’t get ready for that now, will you manage to get over it if she marries into that bastard’s family and he makes her leave the company?”

“Will you manage to get over it?” The question ruminated in Hodgins’s heart.

Benedict had shot him where it hurt without mercy. He was a gun expert. His aim was precise and the bleeding made Hodgins want to hold his own chest down.

——Will I recover if I ever have to be separated from Violet Evergarden? Hodgins pondered earnestly over the question. ——I don’t know.

He truly did not know.

Bonds were things that could not easily break off once they had connected, yet reality, time and busyness unpityingly caused the existence of “friends” to grow far apart.

——To the point that I don’t know, I...

Surely, a day like this would not happen five years from now. Their place to return to amidst the rain would be somewhere else.

——It’s not just her, but also you and everyone else.

To begin with, they might not even be working in the company itself anymore until then. More of them would fall for someone, nurture their love and move their places to be in life to their “homes”.

Twenty, thirty years from now, it might be hard for them to even work. Or they would not be alive – there was also that possibility.

The one who was more aware of this than anybody else was Hodgins, the oldest of them all.

——I’m the one who’s farthest apart in age.

That was exactly why he did not know.

“I have no idea.”

He did not want to see it. Did not want to think about it.

“I have too many things that matter to me, so I can’t make a move anymore. Y’know, you... you might aught at this, but... rather than when you’re young, getting hurt becomes scarier when you grow older. You start losing the energy to do your best and heal. It’s tiring. Still...”

Hodgins had thought that the youth in front of him, who referred to him as “Old Man” on a daily basis, was probably going to laugh, yet Benedict was expressionless.

“Still...”

He did nothing but listen. His posture of properly listening at times like these somewhat...

——...looks like Little Violet.

“Still, I know I’m the one who has to get moving the most. I’m getting everyone involved in the things I wanna do. That’s why I do what I have to. I also counted on you, because I trust you. I left it in your care. But... that and my feelings for her and you guys...”

“I get it.”

“...are different things, right? Y’know, you’re... mean. I’m like a foster parent to you, and yet... Even if you understand my loneliness...”

While Hodgins spoke as if bursting out, Benedict put a hand to his mouth as though to stop him. “I get it.”

Time halted completely.

Was he supporting the flustered figure of the one who was like a parent to him?

“My bad.”

Before he had noticed, he was carrying a load of things he must protect. Was he doing this due to realizing that he had left Hodgins to chance, thinking, “That’s because it’s him”?

“My bad. That just now was on me.”

Silence.

“I didn’t have to pick today to say this. Isn’t that right?”

“You think I’m being lame right now, don’t you?”

“Nah, you ain’t all that cool in the first place.”

“That’s a lie; I’m a generally-acknowledged beautiful young man... no, beautiful middle-aged man.”

“You might not be cool, but well, that’s what’s good about you. Right?”

Silence.

“The cool thing about my Claudia Hodgins is his uncool side.”

Since Benedict was speaking as if to comfort a child, Hodgins told him to “shut up”, slightly annoyed, yet burst into laughter nevertheless.

   The rain caused all sorts of things to pour. The way that people were drowned by the drops trickling down from the sky inevitably made them think about something.

As dawn broke, Claudia Hodgins sat up, body heavy from not getting much sleep. When he peeked at his room’s bed, Violet and Cattleya were sleeping wrapped in the same blanket. On the sofa, Benedict was scattered about, snoring in a way that made him want to laugh.

Hodgins looked for where Lux Sibyl might be. He went down from the third to the second floor, and then from the second to the first floor. She was nowhere to be found.

While thinking it could not be possible, Hodgins opened the front door, and sure enough, he could see the figure of a girl walking down the street towards him.

The clothes she had put to dry yesterday were surely half-wet. What was it that she wanted to do outside so badly to the point of going this far? He understood when he saw what she had in her arms.

“Ah, President.”

Lux was holding a paper bag with a lot of bread in it. The amount was enough that the small girl’s face could not be seen.

“Little Lux... could it be you went to buy us breakfast?”

Thinking back, this young woman was the kind of person who was always quick to act when she was trying to do something for someone. That was all it took to be a considerate person, but without kindness in their heart, they would not turn out this way. The reason why Hodgins had nominated her his secretary was not just that she could do any sort of work.

“That’s so nice.”

“Yes, the bakery owner is very nice. I woke up a bit too early, and when I went on a walk to see how things were outside, the bakery was just about to open and they were getting ready... I went to take a look ‘cause it seemed so delicious and they told me to come in.”

“Ah, hm...”

“I was so touched when they said they baked bread for people who were hungry early in the morning, so I told them many thanks for selling them and bought lots of it. It’s the bakery from that street around the corner.”

“As expected of my secretary. Did you properly get the receipt?”

At those words, Lux showed him a smile that resembled a blooming flower. “Huhu, of course.”

For Hodgins, who had spent the night deep in thought about all sorts of things, that smile was a soothing one. It was like the water of a lake for someone who was feeling thirsty.

Hodgins wordlessly took the bag from Lux. “Little Lux, I’m seriously glad you came to us.”

“Only in this kind of situation, right?”

“All the time. Always. Little Lux, you’re still young, will probably keep working with us... and you’re such a good secretary... I’m the happiest CEO in Leidenschaftlich.”

“Are you going to hire me for life?”

“Eh?”

“Is that a no?”

“No, I could. But that’d mean working with me for life, y’know?”

“Is that bad? I have nowhere else to go.”

When asked with such an innocent look, Hodgins faltered.

“I won’t say the stuff Benedict does, like wanting the company for me.”

“Well, I might... end up giving it to you if you say that, so don’t ever. Hahah... Of course, keep working for us forever and always at my place. Huh, this is kinda like a marriage vow... Wanna take this opportunity and marry me in the future? Just kidding...” Upon thinking that the jest that came out incidentally was an unsavory one right after saying it, Hodgins looked at Lux’s reaction, only to find her staring back at him blankly. He had made himself into a caricature of an old man bothering a girl. “No, it was a prank! But hey. Little Lux, you might be the only one who can go along with me, so having this kind of small talk is... I-I’m not looking at you with dirty eyes, really! We’re too far apart in age, after all! We’re c-close enough that we can crack this kind of joke to each other, right?”

Lux pretended to think for just a few seconds. “Huhu, I can tell. That it’s a joke, at least. But not happening. We’re not getting married.”

And then, she flat-out rejected him.

“Ah, yes.” Although Hodgins would have been at loss if she had accepted it, his shoulders dropped somewhat.

“But President, I’m prepared to nurse you if you ever become unable to work.”

“Don’t... suddenly thrust such a cruel reality at me.”

“Eh, is it? From my point of view... this is quite a deep form of love. President, you’re the first decent adult who accepted me. I’ll devote my whole life to you.”

“Little Lux, you sure like me a lot. Gonna marry me after all?”

This time, Lux actually grinned and replied, “I’ll take that one home and consider it.”

“Amazing; that answer’s like the business talk at the company.”

“Because you’re teasing me... even though you’re well-aware that I don’t even know love yet.”

“Don’t know love yet”. The destructive power of those words caused Hodgins to regret his lighthearted proposal a little.

“Then, I’ll ask again in about five years. I should be at a nice middle age by then.”

“You say that, President, but you’re going on a trip with some hottie next week. I know it.”

The duo, who somehow seemed like they would or other be hanging together for a long time, returned to the office with bouncing chatter.

   In order to make breakfast for everyone together, Hodgins and Lux stood in the kitchen by themselves.

Besides the already-baked bread, they would need drinks and vegetables. Those were merely simple preliminary preparations, but Hodgins felt that just this was somehow enjoyable, unlike doing the work on his own.

“President, you have yours with one sugar cube and a slice of lemon, right?”

“And for Little Lux, it’s two sugar cubes with milk, yeah? I know it.”

While arranging the bread on a plate, they also poured water over the tealeaves and left them to steam. Perhaps due to the scenery that could be seen from the kitchen’s small window being a blue sky with not a single cloud in it, it was awfully dazzling.

“Good morning.”

The next person who appeared amidst the morning sunlight was Violet. Her soft golden hair was just a bit disheveled. Hodgins’s hand naturally reached out to it.

“Morning... You’ve got a bedhead, Little Violet.”

“Excuse me...” Violet looked back at Hodgins as he caressed her head, seeming a little embarrassed. Her eyes were just slightly red. She might have not been able to sleep very well.

“Morning, Violet. Are Cattleya and Benedict also up?”

“Benedict was awake until a while ago, but when I got up from the bed, he began sleeping again by Cattleya’s side.”

“Morally speaking, it’s that kinda thing. I’ll go give him a warning.”

Hodgins laughed a little, seeing Lux off as she walked away while rotating her tiny shoulders. He then turned his gaze back to Violet. Her bedhead, which he had supposedly fixed with the caressing, had returned. For some reason, both of them being alone like this in a kitchen bathed in morning sunlight struck him as extremely peculiar.

Just the two of them, having such a tender time. How many more opportunities would they have for that?

They were already at it. He should talk about something. That was what Hodgins thought, but the words did not come out of him. Not because he had no topic to discuss. He could come up with as many things to talk about as he wanted, such wanting flowers to decorate the table or that they would surely have many customers today who were unable to come yesterday.

But he did not want to spoil this morning. He felt that it might crumble if he spoke even one sentence.

Violet was there. She had her blue eyes directed his way, looking at him. It was no longer awkward for the two of them to stay silent. That was their relationship.

Perhaps still sleepy, she was in a haze. He wanted to watch her standing amidst this gentle time for a little longer.

As she would usually always seem wide-awake, Hodgins believed that she was laidback to this extent due to being in the presence of people with whom she could be at ease from the bottom of her heart. That he had played a part in this feeling of security of hers.

——Will you forget one day?

One day, the position that Claudia Hodgins occupied in the life of Violet Evergarden would become smaller.

——She only gets bigger on my end, though.

Going to the hospital numerous times. Pushing her wheelchair. Giving her a notebook and teaching her how to write.

——I for sure can’t forget. These moments, days, everything like this with you.

The fact that he had not stopped her from fighting in the war. That he had thought they could use her.

——I can’t forget.

Delivering to Violet an outfit that could hide her prosthetic arms, yet that would also make her look her most beautiful.

——I’m sure I won’t forget about this morning either.

About that quiet morning, which was much like the one from before everyone was caught in the great storm and barged in.

Hodgins touched Violet’s hair again. Although she had told Benedict not to touch it, with Hodgins, she all but slightly left a strand in his hand’s care and let him take it, almost like how a cat would do.

——Aah, I want to hug you.

He was not in love with her. That would never be the case.

However, if she were his real daughter, on days like these, mornings like these, he would have easily said, “Good morning, precious” and embraced her.

“I had a dream, President Hodgins,” Violet whispered out of the blue with a freshly awake, faintly hoarse voice.

“Dream...?”

The stunning young woman, who was no longer a girl, talked about her dream like a child, “Yes; in the dream... you owned a clothing store.”

“Huhu, that so?”

“I cannot make clothes. You told me that you did not need me, President Hodgins, if I could not make clothes...”

“That’s horrible of me, huh.”

“Even when I said I could polish the shoes, clean up or do anything, you did not listen...”

Unlike the real one, the dream version of Hodgins had apparently chosen to part ways with Violet.

“Little Violet, what did you do about that?”

“I asked countless times. However, you rejected it countless times. I thought about standing in front of the shop until you allowed me in, but it started raining like yesterday.”

“Hm. And then?”

“Major Gilbert came to pick me up and told me to come home with him, but...”

“Hm.”

“I waited for President to come out of the store even as the lights went out.”

“Hm.”

“Despite waiting and waiting, President Hodgins did not come out, and at some point, a passerby told me, ‘This shop has moved’.”

“Even though it was open until just a moment ago?”

“It was a dream, after all... And then – and then, I asked where it was and went after it. Benedict and Cattleya also appeared in-between, but they seemed to have other things to do, saying they would come after me later... As for Lux, she was the only one who had been hired by you from the very beginning, so she also asked you to hire me again, but in the end, you said no could do.”

“Hm...” Suddenly, Hodgins felt so pained about everything that it was hard to breathe. “And then, Little Violet, what did you do...?” His hand reached out to Violet.

“I kept looking at the interior of the store beyond the shop window from outside.”

Not towards her head, but towards her eyes, where her golden lashes fluttered like the wings of a fairy.

“Inside it, many people – people that I know and do not know – came and left... showing how lively the shop was.”

A sea had silently formed in them, which dissolved and disappeared once Hodgins’s index finger touched it.

“Major came to pick me up for the nth time and said you had told him that my standing there was causing him problems. But, for whatever reason, I at the very least knew that if I stepped away from there even for a moment, you would never let me in... therefore, I could not comply. But I did not want to trouble you, President, so I was unable to make a decision... I attempted to ask Major for instructions, but he was also gone before I realized.”

The sea – the teardrop – turned into a pearl and slipped down her cheek.

“I... I... ended up crying.” Violet stared at the sky, the look in her eyes seeming almost as if the scene from her dream was there at this very moment. “To think I would cry like that...”

“Hm.”

“That was why President Hodgins would not hire me, I thought... And also why Major had grown tired and left.”

“Hm.”

“Then, without my notice, you came outside. You looked the same as that post-war day when you went to visit me at the hospital. You were very surprised with my appearance, as I was soaked with mud and rain. And so, you said this: ‘Guess we’ll start with how to hold a needle’. You told me that you had not invited me for the new job because it would surely be difficult with these hands of mine, so I was extremely relieved... Then, then...” Violet’s words cut off at once.

Unable to hold himself back, Hodgins pulled her into an embrace as if shoving her little head into his chest.

While being embraced, Violet said with eyes that looked as though she was still dreaming, “...with some effort, I could still be helpful. I was able to confirm this, after all.”

Hearing her let out a relieved sigh in his arms, Hodgins forgot about both his and Violet’s positions, clasping her to his chest very, very firmly. “You sure are helpful... Was there anything about me that made you feel uncertain?” Upon realizing that his voice sounded tearful, Hodgins allowed the tears to overflow at the truth.

——Aah, I’m such an idiot. Got caught up in it and ended up crying too.

As the girl whom he thought of as his own daughter, despite her being an actual adult, had shed tears, he found himself crying along with her. Almost like a child. Even though he was supposed to conduct himself as an elder in this situation.

“I do not know.”

“But, has anything like that ever happened until now...? You had that dream because you were uneasy.”

“‘Uneasy’... That might have been the case. Yesterday night, I came to know that many things were progressing while I was away, so I have the feeling that I was quite agitated.”

“Sorry; we were doing things on our own accord. Even though we’ve been together since the founding.”

“No, I am often absent, and it is only natural for some things to be decided in the meantime. I am an employee. I feel that your judgement is correct. Employees must correspond to the changes of a company. My surroundings are about to change significantly. I am grateful to you, President, for letting me be here like always. However...”

“‘However’...?”

“However, I do not know if I can cope with it. With the matters regarding Major, the ones regarding the company... with the fact that Benedict will be going to a different office building. When I think about these things...”

“It’s okay.”

“When I think about them, I realize that the number of things I should prioritize has increased too much.”

“Little Violet.”

“The order of priorities...”

“It’s all right.”

“I have to deal with situations of every kind as I live, and yet...”

——Surely, Violet Evergarden wouldn’t be alive if she didn’t do that.

Always, at all times.

She had been living through corresponding to her surroundings despite being at loss regarding its circumstances, putting everything she could do to use while looking for a place to belong and an adult who would take care of her. She was not allowed to waver. For beasts, hesitation was death.

Violet did not know unconditional love. She now had at last earned herself this warm place through her efforts, but it was about to suffer a rapid change with the course of time.

After running, running and running, Violet – previously one such beast – was watching the nest she had finally found crumble down. Even when people knew they had to prepare to start running again, there would come a time when they would be short of breath and unable to move.

Violet had gone from wild animal to person.

Her human parts and animal parts co-existed, occasionally revealing themselves. When she was the animal, she simply did not mind how much a place changed as long as she could live in it. However, it was difficult to live while holding something better, more important.

Now that she had become a person through the increasing of her emotions...

“I shall fight. I can always be of use. President Hodgins, please forget this aspect of me that I just showed you.”

...she had turned into just a girl who was a little bit scared of the future.

“Please... forget about it.”

Who had made her this way? Gilbert was likely the first, but the ones who had done the finishing touches were definitely all the people in this place.

“No way, I’m not forgetting.”

At Hodgins’s words, Violet lowered her eyebrows, looking troubled.

“Don’t make a face like that; I’m not teasing. I meant to say that you don’t need to worry about it. You indeed might’ve gotten weak. But is that a bad thing? You had nothing when you met me for the first time. Not even your brooch, right...? But now you have lots of things. You went on a journey for a long time and got more stuff to shoulder while you were at it, so it’s no wonder that you’d end up in a dilemma.” Albeit knowing that Cattleya, Benedict and Lux were looking at them in shock from the shadows at the doorway, Hodgins went on, “You know... life is a journey. Little Violet, you’ll go on this journey, won’t you?”

He had already forgotten about his anxiety. The feeling of frustration at such things and the overwhelming wish to cling to someone were now gone.

“You started your journey with a little less luggage than other people, so you’re staring at your bag now that it’s gotten a bit heavy, wondering what happened to it. You don’t know what to throw away anymore.”

He was able to think, from the depths of his heart, that he had returned to his usual self. While embracing her, who was indeed still young and confused in the middle of her journey, he was finally able to think so.

“You need clothes and money, of course, and good shoes are vital. Right, and an umbrella too. When you look into your bag and realize that you actually have nothing that you can get rid of, it’s indeed a problem. Even though it’s a hassle because it’s so heavy. What do you think you should do?”

He could still be useful.

“Train... my physical strength... No, calibrate my prosthetics...”

He was still needed.

“You’re such a fool... Either leave it in someone’s care and continue the journey or have someone take half of it.”

Even if it were only for a short while.

“Gilbert will probably take half of the luggage. I can take care of the rest that you can’t carry over here. I’ll be in Leidenschaftlich forever, after all. Little Violet, no matter where you go, I’ll stay here and wait for you to come back, and no matter when you come over, I’ll welcome you. I’ll take care of the contents of your bag with pleasure.”

——Even if you only remember me a few times a year someday...

“Listen up: whenever you’re troubled, remember that I’m here. And then you’ll be able to go on a journey again anytime.”

——...I’ll ready myself to welcome you at any time of the year.

“Am I really supposed to leave my luggage here?”

——I’m the kind of man who can do that, and you need it for sure.

“Hm-hm, that’s not it. Y’see, this is about memories. All you have to do is to know. That I’m here. This is the way to make your luggage lighter. Whenever you’re having problems, bam, remember me. If you do that, the worries you have now will definitely decrease a little. Y’know, at the end of the day... people’s place to come home to aren’t places, they’re ‘somebody’. You should know that much. You’d have gone to any battlefield if Gilbert was there, right? Someday, yes, you might quit being an Auto-Memories Doll. You might not come back to Leidenschaftlich.”

——It’ll be great if this “someday” never comes, though.

“But your current memories are with me. I’ll be a representation of them. So that you, my dear... will be able to open your memories anytime. When this moment right now becomes nostalgic to you, come see me. I’ll always be here. Waiting for you. You’re feeling ‘lonely’ right now. But... Little Violet. You have me. You’re not alone.”

——I want you to remember.

“I do not understand very well... However...”

——I’m always protecting you.

“...you have always guided me.”

——Waiting for your return.

“I never doubt your word.”

——I’ll be waiting here.

“But, President Hodgins, I have only one wish.”

——I want you to show up when your journey ends.

Deciding to deal with the sobbing coming from behind the door later, Hodgins opted for staying like this for just a bit longer. Her lover might get angry if he saw it, but he had the right to do it, at least to some extent. After all, she was Claudia Hodgins’s dear employee.

Hodgins asked with a particularly gentle tone, “What would it be, Little Violet?”

Violet blinked and looked up at Hodgins. The last drop spilled from her eyes.

“If, only if... there comes a time when you will quit the postal company and start doing something else...”

“Hm.”

“...please call me. No matter where you are, I will rush to you.”

“Hm.”

“I will definitely be of help... Even if not, should your luggage become too much, please call me when you need someone to carry it for you. I shall hasten to visit you.”

“For real?”

“Yes. I, too, will carry President’s luggage. You should know it. I am strong.”

“Huhu, yep, definitely. One day, you’ll understand what I mean by ‘luggage’. Hey...”

No one would imagine that a single drop could be the start of something so big. However, it would earn itself great meaning after a while passed. Should it continue pouring, it could also summon boundless blessings and curses.

   “Hiya, I’m Hodgins. What’s your name?”

Silence.

“This kid’s such a taciturn.”

“She... doesn’t have a name yet. She’s an orphan with no education. Can’t talk either.”

“That’s so terrible of you. She’s such a beauty. Just give a name worthy of her.”

   “Little Violet, thanks for meeting me.”

Love was almost like rain.

[hardforbenhardy]

love at first sight | rogerxfem!reader

summary: roger regrets offering to help out his band mate after waking up with a hangover. though it all washes away when he meets a woman who he thinks may just be the woman of his dreams (i’m awful at summaries i’m so sorry)

warnings: none really, mentions death like the tiniest bit but tbh it's just fluffy

word count: 3.3k

this was one of the first fanfics i ever wrote, and i don’t know it got to this but i’m posting them! i’m always a little nervous to post because i’m afraid people will never read them but oh well, i enjoy writing and i’m kinda proud of them soooo here we go :) i hope you enjoy it

rogers outfit inspiration ^

Rogers POV

Of all the favours I have ever done for John, hauling his children to and from school for the next week may be my least favourite so far. Veronica just having given birth to Laura, and having to look after Michael at the same time all by herself because John had gone on a stag-do holiday (which I, the life of the party, still don't understand why I wasn't invited); I gracefully offered to take Robert, who was now 4 years old, to nursery and pick him up. Robert had said it many times before that I was the best uncle he had, which of course I knew was true; and I can't deny that Robert was my favourite nephew. He listens to me much more than Jimmy or Michael, meaning it is very easy to sway him into becoming the coolest little kid, just after his Uncle Roger. Though, I swear Brian has hardwired his child to be the most boring human ever; all he does is read books and act polite.

Of course, Monday came around quicker than I realised, meaning I had 30 minutes to make myself at least a little bit presentable, for any hot single mums I may run into in the playground of course, before picking Robert from his house. It didn't help at all that I had a tumultuous pounding residing in the back of my head after a night out with Freddie and Brian the night before, and I had woken up to find I wasn't alone in my bed; which was truly expected of myself. The woman, who laid spread across the bed, was snoring lightly as her bare chest rose up and down with every nimble breath she took. I gazed at her up and down, taking in the sight of her flowing blonde hair which was pressed against the material of my silken pillows. Not a bad pull, Rog. Knowing I had to leave in what was now 25 minutes, I grabbed my notebook and pen which I always kept in my bedside table, and quickly scribble a note.

Good shag - call me ;)

Keys under the mat; lock the door behind you babe

I was a little wary to leave this complete stranger in my house and trust her to not steal anything and lock the door behind herself, but I wasn't about to let John and V down because I had a good shag; even though I wanted oh so desperately to maybe go for another round. I paced over to my closet, searching and scanning through the racks and racks of clothes, finally settling on a black and pink striped blazer that I threw on a black shirt and some blue pants. I looked amazing. Ruffling my hands through my hair, I ensured it looked as perfect as it usually did, before rushing down the stairs to save Veronica from the little terror that is Robert.

By the time I had made it to their front door, I could already hear the cries of little Laura and Michael, the shouting of Veronica and the tune of Robert playing his violin. I knocked on the door, in which it immediately swung open revealing the woman who literally looked like she had just given birth again.

“Sorry I took so long V, woke up with a bit of a hangover" – Of course, I was under exaggerating, I could still feel the migraine in the back of my head, and the scratchy sound of the strings on that shitty little violin was not helping.

"Rog, thank you so much for offering to take him – I don't know how I would have coped with all three of them in one morning." She smiled brightly, despite her dishevelled appearance. She moved to the side slightly, allowing me to walk through the door, though I didn't bother removing my shoes as I now knew I had only 10 minutes to drive Robert down the road. She was holding Laura in her arms, rocking her gently back and forth as she attempted to calm her from whatever trouble she was in; Laura was much feistier than the first two, constantly being awake and always crying about something, and it displayed well in Veronica's appearance. "Michael, would you please stop crying! I'll come and change you in a minute!"

"I'd learn to cope – Deacy's been talking of having another!" I chuckled, seeing V roll her eyes and scoff at even the suggestion of having more than 3 children. In her eyes, why would anyone have more than 3? She would never go beyond it. "Fucks sake, of course he is. Robbie, Uncle Rog is waiting – will you please put that blimming thing down and put your shoes on!"

"Robert, come show me your violin – maybe we can start own band!" I shout through, grabbing Robert's attention immediately as he pulls his shoes on extremely quickly and races towards me, wrapping his arms around my tightly as I squat down to his level.

"Unca Wog, you'wl never guess what happened wast night – I was watching TV with mumma, and we had popcorn and bwankets and evewything, and she said I can get my own dwum kit so I can wearn drums just wike you Unca Wog! She said I have to pwove I can wearn how to pway the viowin first (because she thinks I'wl get bored of it but mummy is vewy siwwy to think that!)" Robert exclaimed, whispering the last bit into my ear before giggling slightly, before picking up his backpack and shoving it into my arms. My heart melted a little at the way he was unable to say his l’s so he replaced them all with w’s. I chuckled lightly, ruffling my fingers through his curly, brown hair – which he claimed to be growing out just like his father because, and I quote, 'Daddy has the coolest hair in the world!' – "That sounds absolutely amazing Robbie, we have a mini Roger in our midst!"

"You are still okay to pick him up?" V smiled, now holding Laura over her shoulder and handing over Robert's surprisingly heavy violin case. "Of course – 2 o'clock?"

"Yep, and Robert will show you where to pick him up from. Just let Miss Y/L/N know you'll be picking him up as well for the rest of the week, just so the school knows."

"Miss Y/L/N?" I questioned, the name having such beauty and elegance to it. I thought I may be recognised the name from somewhere, but I couldn't put name to face until I had properly met her for the first time. "Yeah – she's Robert's teacher and supervisor. Oh and Rog, try not to flirt with her"

I nodded my head slightly, taking in her words; does that mean she's good-looking? And now she's 'off bounds'? I drove Robert down to the school, it not being too far away – thankfully, considering we were running slightly late. Robert dragged me over to the classroom door, where I looked through the window to see around 30 young children running around screaming and laughing. How anyone could do this job I had no idea, I could barely handle Robert alone, as much as I loved him. I opened the door, the noise and energy still remaining despite the interruption. I looked to Robert, who hung his bags on the coat rack before joining a group of boys who looked familiar; one had scruffy, blonde hair (although he totally rocked it), one had untamed, curly brown hair, and the other was a young Tanzanian lad who seemed extremely flamboyant and a character in his own right. Then my eyes were drawn directly to who seemed to be the only adult in the room. She was squatting down beside a young girl, plaiting her delicate blonde hair carefully, ensuring she didn't pull too hard and hurt the small girl. The girl was giggling lightly, eyes flicking between the woman and Robert, while the woman wrapping the hair band around the tail of the plait one last time, before rising. She ushered the girl towards the group of boys, who were air playing all kinds of instruments, making up their own tunes and singing. Though my eyes remained solely on the woman now heading towards me, who I could only describe as the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her long Y/H/C locks were flowing down her back as her brow-grazing fringe shaped her face perfectly; especially since they emphasised her mesmerizing gold-flecked eyes, the type you could stare into for hours on end and never get bored. She had the most gorgeous beam of a smile, which made my stomach drop at the sight. Clothed in a floral yellow summer dress, it perfectly sculpted her curvy body, showing what I would consider too much skin for a nursery teacher – but then again, I certainly wasn't complaining. I was snapped out my trance when she finally reached me, holding out her hand – "You must be the famous Uncle Roger?"

"That's me" I breathily chuckled, rubbing my hand on the nape of my neck, using my other one to shake the woman's hand. I never struggled to speak to women, it was a natural skill of mine and everyone knew it; yet here I was, barely able to look in her direction without feeling overwhelmed. She smiled brightly again, which sent shivers down my spine and butterflies to my stomach. "And you must be the famous Miss Y/L/N"

"Famous, eh? Call me by Y/N – much less formal" She laughed, taking her hand out of mine and tucking them in the pockets of her dress. The dress in which I was desperately trying to pry my eyes away from. "I assume you'll be collecting Robert after school as well?"

"Oh, yeah – for the rest of the week. V said she mentioned it?"

"Oh my, of course! How could I forget – John's away on some stag do right? Well, I'll be looking forward to seeing you again this afternoon, but I should get back to the kids before they end up setting a fire or something!" She giggled, smiling at me before wandering back into the mass of small children, who immediately crowded round at her feet as she sat cross-legged on the plush carpet. I watched them carefully, seeing how she so easily interacted with the children and kept their undivided attention while Robert retold the story he had told me earlier. The children's laughter suffused the room, one child setting off the next like a chain of dominoes. I noticed Robert was sitting next to the small blonde girl, cuddling quite close and his cheeks blushing when she complimented his brightly patterned button-up shirt; a shirt in which he had begged V to buy for him after seeing the same one in my closet.

When the time came around to pick Robert up, a wave of excitement washed over me as I realised I would get the chance to see Y/N again and maybe ask her out. When I arrived, all the other parents had picked up their child already and left, leaving just Robert and the little girl Y/N was plaiting the hair of earlier; though, I was 5 minutes late. I jogged over; worried I was keeping Y/N behind for longer than needed, scooping Robert into my arms as he hugged me tightly. "Hey Unca Wog!"

"Hey Robert – how was school?" I asked, smiling brightly at his adorable antics to immediately come over and hug me. He squealed loudly, a grin spreading across his face as his brain racked to decide what he should tell me about first – "Wewl, Miss Y/L/N told us a stowy, and we did some painting, a-and I wearnt to count awl the way to 20 – I don't even have that many fingers, I had to use my toes!"

“That's amazing! You may have to teach me, I don't think I can get past 10 yet!" I chuckled, seeing Robert cover his mouth in shock and giggle at the idea he knew something I didn't. He zipped open his Flintstones backpack and pulled out a large piece of card, which was when I noticed the remnants of paint that had stained his hands a bit matching the image on the card.

"Miss told us to paint our hewoes – so I painted daddy and the band! Look there is your messy hair, and that's your dwum kit, and that's all the giwrls daddy says you go on pwaydates with!" Robert exclaimed, pointing out each aspect of the painting that I could only describe as... abstract. I grinned at Roberts painting, realising just how much impact we, as a band, had on younger children. Though my eyes widened at the innocence of his last point, feeling slightly embarrassed considering a beautiful woman was standing just behind us. "Oh, and this is Wosanna! She's my best fwiend!"

Robert turned and pointed at the young girl, who was anxiously hiding behind Y/Ns legs, peeking her head around them and letting a shy smile grow on her face. "It's very nice to meet you Rosanna; I'm Roger – Robert's uncle" I politely grinned, holding my hand out to shake hers and hoping not to frighten her away. She bashfully accepted the offer, her petite hand wrapping around two of my fingers and shaking lightly, her cheeks blushing from sheepishness and giggling lowly at the attention.

"Come on Wosanna; wet’s go play on the swings! Uncle Woger, please can we stay a wittle wonger?" Robert begged, pouting his lips and batting his eyelashes in an attempt to sway me, though I just laughed. Rising back onto my feet, I nodded towards Robert, seeing him shoot off over to the swing set with Rosanna hot on his heels, making me laugh breathily at his urgency.

"I believe we have a budding romance in the works" A soft voice behind me bubbled, making me jump slightly, having forgotten Y/N was stood behind me. "Rosanna told me she has a secret crush on Robert, and I promised not to tell anyone but it's just too adorable not to share. I have a feeling that Robert might like her back, but that's for you to find out"

"It is very adorable, I must agree." I chuckled, going to stand next to Y/N and placing my hands into my blazer pockets.

"Have you any of your own?" She asked, nodding over to the two toddlers who were racing after each other around the playground, turning to face me with a gorgeous grin plastered from cheek to cheek on her face.

“No not yet, I guess I haven't found the right woman to settle down with yet, you know." I explained, feeling slightly defeated with the knowledge I had met the right woman, but it had only been a day of knowing her and it seemed a little forward to already ask her to practically marry me; no matter how much I wanted to. "What about you?"

"That little one is mine" she conceded, gently pointing to the blonde girl playing with Robert. My eyes widened at her admittance, not expecting her to have children when she seemed so young.

"Oh really? You look quite young to be the mother of a child that age" I exclaimed, hearing Y/N giggle beside me. "Well, I did have her at quite a young age, I'll admit, but I think we had her at the right time. I'm so lucky to have her"

"We?"

"Me and my husband" She expanded, and I felt my heart drop. She's married. "Well, my then husband." I furrowed my brows, looking at her with a face of confusion as I tried to decipher what she exactly meant - she was divorced? "He passed away a few months before I gave birth to Ro, I never got the chance to tell him the news. But Ro and I have moved on, you know. Or at least I thought she had - she asked me the other day if she'll ever get a daddy like all the girls in the class. I had no idea what to say, I mean I'd love to find someone new, Ben has been gone for years now. But I'm just afraid of finding someone and then having the exact same thing happen. I couldn't bare to go through losing the one person you love most in the world for a second time. And I don't want Ro getting her hopes up in finally getting a father. God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start being all sentimental like this, it's just nice to have someone to talk to about it y'know"

"I'm so sorry, no one should have to go through that" I comforted, turning to see a tear or two rolling down her smooth cheeks which she quickly swiped away with the sleeve of her baggy teal sweater she had pulled on over the top of her dress as the day went by. I pulled her in for a consoling hug, rubbing my hand up and down her back to soothe her. She shortly pulled away, not too much further though as I felt head rest on my shoulder. "Rog?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this might seem a bit weird, considering I've only known you for a day, but I was wondering if maybe you'd like you go out for a drink tonight? It's just, like I said, I've wanted to get back on the dating scene for a while and you seem like a genuinely sweet guy and I was just hoping to get to know you a little better, plus Ro seems to really like you, I know she may have seemed nervous but she only does that when she really likes someone and she's afraid they won't like her back, a little like me I guess right now except she's usually a lot more quiet whereas I get very chatty, and I tend to talk a lot, which I know can get a little annoying but I guess it's just a force of habit by now and sorry this is probably really weirding you out, forget I even said anything-"

And with that, I planted my lips urgently against Y/N's, a wave of passion and lust washing over me as I realised the one thing I had wanted all along; she liked me too. As our embrace finally met, I felt the whole world around me fall away. It was slow and gentle, soothing in ways that words could never be. And what was even better was that she didn't hesitate, didn't pull away; she deepened the kiss, placing her little hands on the nape of my neck to pull me in closer. I never knew a kiss could so good, so perfect. The kiss was broken by the cheers of the youngsters from the other side of the playground, the sounds of "Go Uncle Woger!" and "Yay mummy!" ringing in our ears as we broke apart, chuckling softly at the animated reactions.

"I'll see you tonight then?" I breathed, staring deep into her enchanting eyes as she gazed back up at me. She beamed widely, nodding and taking out a small notebook from Rosanna's backpack and jotting down her phone number, before scrunching it up and placing it gently in my hand.

I had heard the saying a million times before. John always said it about Veronica. Brian about Chrissie. And I always thought it was complete and utter bullshit. There was no such thing. But I was proven wrong. I guess it truly is love at first sight.

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 27

Warnings: toxic parent and adult child relationship

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​

She introduces herself as Bonnie. A tall, slender woman with striking features; steel gray eyes and short cropped silver hair and high cheekbones. And Tyler doesn’t think much of until she adds, “your father’s special friend”. He vaguely remembers her...or at the very least someone resembling her...standing on the front porch of the old family home. The day he’d taken Millie to see the old man before they left for Mumbai. At that time there’d been no possibility of returning to Australia; Amir Asif’s people had found out he was still alive and were out for revenge and knew exactly where to find him.  Going to his father’s that day had been a last-ditch effort to hash things out and patch them up. Or so he’d thought.

“You don’t remember me, do you,” Bonnie comments, as they linger on the front porch following introductions. And he wants to tell her that there’s some days he doesn’t remember what he did ten minutes ago, never mind what happened years ago.  A side effective of not only the tremendous blood loss on the Sultana Kamal Bridge, but his brain being starved of oxygen during the times he’d flat lined in the operating room.  “I was there the day you came to see your father at the old home,” she continues. “Five...six years ago.”

“Almost six,” Tyler confirms. Millie had only been two months old then. Three weeks before they’d found out Esme was pregnant again. They wouldn’t be told it was twins for another three months.  It feels like a lifetime ago.  

“I was there too,” Millie pipes up. Always confident, never shy or afraid to engage with complete strangers. Sociable, to a fault. “Do you remember me?”

Bonnie crouches down; a gentle hand on Millie’s shoulder as she engages with her eye to eye. “I peeked in on you through the window. You were just a tiny little thing. I remember you had blond hair then. And your feet were bare, and you had the cutest little toes. Amelia, right?”

Those big blue eyes widen in surprise and delight. “You remember my name? That was a long time ago.”

“I used to be a teacher. I used to have to remember a lot of names. Old habits die hard. Your grandfather remembers your name, too. He woke up very excited this morning knowing that he was going to see you today.”

Tyler can’t stop the doubtful smirk that tugs at the corner of the mouth, and he feels his wife dig her elbow into his side when she notices it.

“Really?” Millie’s smile grows, crinkling the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose. “I made him something. My birthday’s coming. I’m going to be six.”

Tyler’s shoulders immediately tense at the mere mention of that age, and he anxiously shifts his weight from one foot to the other. It’s irrational of course; the fear that Millie will wake up the morning of the big day and will have come down with something horrible and untreatable. But his brain isn’t exactly being rational these days.

“I want grandpa to come to my party,” Millie says. “So I made him this...” she unzips the plush unicorn knapsack she has slung over one shoulder. She’s quite eclectic today; the bag and the baby blue ‘princess dress’ with ruffles and frills and those dirty old Spiderman sandals. And she pulls out a handmade card and shows it to Bonnie. “Daddy helped me,” she proudly chirps.  “It’s got sparkles and stickers of kittens and unicorns and butterflies and all the stuff I like. Even glitter. Lots of glitter. Do you think he’ll like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” Bonnie gushes. “I think he’ll love it. Do you want to go and give it to him?”

“By myself?” For once Millie sounds hesitant, and she looks up at her father, followed by her mother, then curls all her fingers around two of Tyler’s and leans into his legs. “I don’t think I want to go by myself.”

“I’ll go with her,” Esme speaks up, and then takes the baby carrier from Tyler. “She probably has to go to the bathroom anyway and Addie definitely needs a diaper change.”

He lays a hand on the small of her back and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. Things have been better since his meltdown in the middle of the road; surprisingly rational and calm considering how powerful and near crippling the anxiety and panic had been. And they haven’t talked about it or the issues surrounding it since. He knows it’s inevitable; he owes her an explanation for why he’s been so fucked up and on edge the last few days. It’s a conversation that has to happen –including the desperate cravings for the meds and the booze- but he is absolutely dreading. It isn’t the first time that he’s felt like he was slipping; he’d fallen off the wagon more than once during his various attempts at sobriety during the past six and a half years. But this time he knows there will be no more chances. If he fucks up, that’s it. He loses everything. And that’s the most terrifying thought of all.

“First and last?” Bonnie inquires, when Esme takes an uncharacteristically nervous Millie by the hand and escorts her inside. “The girls? First and last children?”

He nods. “There’s three more in between though. All boys.”

“That’s quite the brood. A big family for this day and age.”

“What can I say?” he gives a shrug. “It’s one of the few things we’ve actually agreed on in the past seven years. Wanting a big family.”

Three had been the original limit; none of them planned. Most had come as a complete shock. The twins being quickly after Millie was born, Declan making his presence known despite the fact his mother had been on birth control at the time.  Millie came about during an unconventional time, but she hadn’t been that much of a surprise; complete absence of any form of protection over the course of five days meant it would have been more a shocked had if Esme hadn’t gotten pregnant. Addie was the only one that had been somewhat considered; they’d agreed on a fifth without knowing that she’d already been conceived.

“Your father couldn’t remember for sure,” Bonnie says. “He knew for sure that there were two of three. And he knows there’s two little girls. That’s a good day for him, when he remembers that much. A very good day.”

Tyler just nods. Hand shoved the pockets of his jeans, eyes on his feet. He knows he should feel something when it comes to his old man’s illness. Or at the very least he should express some kind of sorrow or even remorse for letting the years pass by without attempting to mend fences. But he feels nothing. At least none when it comes to his father. But the nightmare the night before has left him feeling many things towards and FOR his mother. And for that terrified little boy that had spent years cowering in his bedroom closet.  

“I know things haven’t always been easy between you and your father,” Bonnie sympathizes. “That things were strained between the two of you.”

“That’s what he told you?”

“He said you were a difficult child. That it only got worse as you got older. Especially into your teen years. That you were very smart but acted out a lot. That you were always misbehaving at school and...”

“I was difficult, was I,” Tyler gives a small, dry laugh. “I wonder why that was.”

“I know you had your troubles. With discipline and authority. And controlling your emotions. I know...”

“You don’t know shit,” he interjects. “Is that what he told you? That I was a bad kid? That I was out of control? That’s what he said to you?”

“It’s understandable,” she attempts to lay a comforting hand on his forearm, but he scowls and yanks it away.  “You lost your mother at a young age. That’s a tremendous loss. It’s not surprising you started acting out.”

“You’re not blaming this on my mother,” he can’t control the vehemence that creeps into his voice. Or the way his fists continuously clench and release.  And that tightness in his chest returns; a vice tightening around his heart and squeezing at his lungs. “There’s no way you can blame this on her.”

“I’m certainly not blaming her for dying. I’m simply saying it takes its toll on loved ones. Especially those so young.”

“He used to beat the shit out of her. Did you tell you THAT? That he used to get drunk nearly every day after work and come home and put his hands on her? Did he tell you that I’d hide in the closet listening to the whole thing? I was a little kid. Millie’s age. Even younger when it started. And that’s what I dealt with. Almost every goddamn day until the day she died. I bet he didn’t tell you all that, did he.”

“He told me they argued. That they had their quarrels.”

“Arguments don’t cause black eyes and busted lips and concussions and trips to the hospital.”

“It’s not my place to judge. I don’t know what happened in the past between your father and your mother. And you were a little boy and you only HEARD these things. You don’t know for sure what happened.”

“When I was nine, he figured I was old enough to see what was going on. He used to make me watch; used to threaten to beat my ass or hurt her even worse if I didn’t. He wanted me to see how a ‘real man controls his woman’ and how he ‘rules his house’.  So I did see it. And when she died, I was the one who took over the role as his favorite punching bag; the one that he took all his shit out on. You don’t know what happened.”

“You’re right. I wasn’t. But...”

“You weren’t there. But I was. I lived through it. Until I got too big and strong and I was able to put fear into him for a change. So don’t fucking stand there and tell me I was a ‘difficult kid’.   You have no clue what growing up in that house was like.”

“And now you’re here for what? Revenge? That why you reached out after all these years?”

“He called me first. A week ago, when he needed some shit done around here. And you know what, I showed up and I did it. No questions asked. I’m here because my kids should probably get to know him before it's too late. I’m not here for revenge. I’m not here to make him for what he’s done. He either won’t remember of if he does, won’t give a fuck. I’m here for my kids. Not for me. Not for him. For my kids.”

“So you have nothing to say to him?”

“I have tons I want to say to him. A shit load of stuff I’ve been holding onto for years. But what good is going to do? He’s never regretted a goddamn thing that he did to me or to my mum. So what good will it do? It won’t do fuck all.”

“You have a lot of anger inside of you,” Bonnie observes.

“You think?”

“You haven’t had an easy life, have you. You’ve spent years with all of that anger inside of you. Trying to find a way to either get it out or cope with it. I can see it in your eyes; you’ve seen a lot of horrible things.”

“I’ve done a lot of horrible things,” Tyler admits. “To people who deserved it.”

“In the military.”

“In other jobs too.”

“What kind of other jobs?”

“Jobs that paid me damn good money and let me pretend it was my father I was beating on.”

Bonnie blinks at his brutal honesty.

“You don’t know anything about me. About the things I’ve seen. The things I’ve done. The life I’ve lived. You only know what he’s told you. About his failure of a son who fucked up his life and abandoned his dying kid and had his marriage fall apart. I’m sure that’s the picture he’s painted of me, isn’t it?”

She nods.

“I nearly died seven years ago. On a dirty fucking bridge in Bangladesh. I came this close..." he holds his thumb and forefinger half an inch apart. “...to dying that day. And for some reason, I’m still here. After all the shitty things I’ve done. I got a second chance. I’ve got a wide and kids and a pretty damn good life. But I bet he never mentions that; the good things I’ve done. Because he doesn’t see me that way. He just sees me as a fuck up. The kid he never wanted; some burden that was dropped in his lap. So don’t stand here and pretend you know who I am or what I’m about. No disrespect, but you know shit.”

“Daddy!”  Millie bursts through the screen door, and his fists immediately open, and his shoulders relax.  

She’s been through enough today; she doesn’t need to see him in that kind of state.  Her face is glowing, and her eyes are big and bright; she’s full of childhood exuberance and excitement. And she’s perfect and innocent and she deserves so much better than he can ever possibly give her.

“Daddy look!” she holds out her left hand; a highly polished silver dollar nestled in her palm. “Look what grandpa gave me! It’s from the year I was born. He went to the bank and got it special just for me!”

He knows that Esme has sent her out there; that when he hadn’t followed shortly behind and joined them in their visit that she’d immediately assumed the worst and was worried he’d have another ‘episode’. That Millie would be the quickest and easiest way to get him down of whatever edge he was teetering on. And it’s worked; those big blue eyes sparkling up at him and that little voice and the way the word ‘daddy’ sounds when it comes out of her mouth. It’s always so sweet. So genuine. And he can remember the first time she’d ever intentionally said it as baby; just shy of her first birthday, standing in her crib and reaching up for him and nearly making him cry.  

“That’s pretty cool,” he gives her a smile and lays a hand on top of her head. “You’ll have to put it somewhere safe when we get home. Where your brothers won’t find it.”

She nods in agreement and tucks it into his pocket for safe keeping. Then looks up at him with her head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing. “Are you going to cry? You look like you’re going to cry.”

“I’m fine,” he assures her, and combs his fingers through hair; letting the thick, soft tresses slip between his fingers. “Just tired. It wasn’t a good night last night.”

“Daddy doesn’t sleep good sometimes,” Millie informs Bonnie, then wraps both of her arms around one of his thighs and leans against him. “He has a lot of hurts. From the bad guys.”

“Okay...” Tyler gives an uncomfortable laugh. “...we don’t need to talk about the bad guys.”

“He used to rescue good people from bad people,” she continues. “And he got hurt a lot when he did. And he almost died! Before he even found out I was in mommy’s tummy. He almost died and mommy almost had me all by herself and I never would have met him, and he never would have met me and...”

“That’s enough,” he scoops her up with one arm and settles her on his lip. “Bonnie doesn’t want to hear about that. Boring stories about my old job.”

“Daddy used to beat people up. He even killed some of them.”

“Amelia...please...” he presses a kiss to the side of her head. “...no more, okay? We don’t talk about that stuff. Especially with strangers.”

“Bonnie’s not a stranger. She’s grandpa’s girlfriend. So that makes her my grandma, right? I mean, other than the mean one in Colorado. She’s horrible,” she says the last part to Bonnie. “She’s so mean. I don’t like her. I’m glad we don’t' see her anymore. She makes mommy cry and then daddy gets mad and tells her off. My mean grandma, not mommy.”

“You don’t have a grandma,” Tyler reminds her. “She died a long time ago. When I was little.”

“Bonnie can be my grandma if she wants. I don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t object to that,” the woman in questions says, smiling as she reaches out to cup Millie’s face in her palm. Fingertips grazing her cheek before Tyler steps away, breaking all contact.  “I never had children of my own, so I don’t have any grandkids and...”

“Let’s go visit,” he suggests, cutting her off before she can finish. There’s no way in hell that this woman...whoever the hell she is and whatever role she plays in his father’s life...could ever fill those shoes.   “Then we go and get lunch.  Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” Millie agrees, then wraps an arm around his neck and places a kiss on his cheek as he steps past Bonnie and into the house.

****

The visit has gone surprisingly well; the old man in good spirits, doting on his granddaughters and spending the majority of his time cuddling the baby and reminiscing about the few rare good times that had existed in Tyler’s childhood. And he’d attempted to smile at the memories and offer his own commentary, but they’d only left a bitter taste in his mouth and a tightness in his jaw and throat.  

He’s been unable to stop the continuous loop playing in his brain, the sights and the sounds from the vivid and heartbreaking nightmare. He hadn’t wanted to hear about the bonfires on the beach or the roasting of marshmallows within their flames. He hadn’t given a shit about the odd family camping excursions they’d take along the Gold Coast. Those memories had been too rare. Too fleeting. And now that he’s an adult and can look back on the situation, Tyler knows the old man only engaged in those activities to give his mother and himself a false sense of security; so she’d stay in the marriage under the pretense that things were getting better, only to have them fall apart again weeks later. It’s how his father had kept her around; always promising to change and making noticeable improvements before resorting back to being the monster he was.  

There’d be more horrible times than good ones. And it makes him sick that the old man refuses to even acknowledge that or take responsibility for what he’d done.

“When did Sarah dye her hair?” His father asks now, as they sit side by side on the back patio, watching as Bonnie gives Esme and Millie a tour of the various flower and vegetable gardens.  

Sarah. His ex-wife. Who’d couldn’t possibly be any different from Esme if she tried. Tall, on the thicker side, green eyes and long blond hair.  And it didn’t end there. Sarah was boisterous and loud; obnoxious even.   Needy and clingy and constantly needing validation. Someone who prided themselves on being strong and independent when they were anything but.

“Dad, that’s not Sarah,” he attempts to be as calm as possible while correcting him. “Sarah and I haven’t been together in sixteen years.”

Any mention of his ex brings back a lot of hostility; both towards her and to himself. He’d done a shitty thing; abandoning Austin when he was dying. And he’d never forgive himself for that. But their marriage had been strained and troublesome from day one; she hated being a soldier’s wife and was very vocal about it. It hadn’t taken her long to start fucking other guys while he was deployed, and he probably would have left as soon as it started had she not ended up pregnant and he’d not believed her when she’d insisted the baby was his.

“That’s Esme,” he continues. “You came to our wedding, remember? At the same place you and mum got married. By the opera house.”

Bonnie had explained this could happen; coherent one moment, not remembering a damn thing the next. And Tyler had long ago made a vow to himself –after a neurologist had explained his own brain issues following the Dhaka incident- that if he ever got THAT bad, he’d put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.

Confession clouds the old man’s eyes. “How long have you been married to her?”

“Six and a half years.”  Sometimes it seems like six months, other times it feels like sixty years. So much as has happened during that time: leaving for Australia for Mumbai and winding up back in Dhaka. Taking custody of Ovi and moving to Colorado. Michael McMann and the bullshit in Ireland and then New Zealand.  Five kids and a trial separation he’d been one hundred percent sure was going to turn into a divorce. And not in that order.

“And the little girl?”

“That’s my daughter. Amelia. And this is Adeline,” he lays a hand on the baby’s back as she sleeps soundly along his thighs, stomach down.  

“Like your mother.”

Tyler nods, struggling with the bitterness and the anger that eats away at him.  That the old man-despite all the heartache and damage he’s caused over the years- has managed to live such a long life while his mother’s had been tragically cut short. It’s what pisses him off the most; that the punishment for all the beatings and all the vile, degrading things he’s ever said has taken so fucking long to arrive.

“It’s a beautiful name,” his father muses, a soft smile on his lips as he watches the activity in the garden; Millie crouched in the grass, giggling as a chipmunk eats sunflower seeds out of her palm and Esme takes a video of the moment.  “A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I remember when I first saw her. Those blue eyes of hers and those long lashes and that red hair of hers...” he gives a happy sigh. “...she took my breath away.”

Tyler wonders if it’s the dementia talking or if the old man is telling the truth; if he actually did feel that way when they first met.

“Her brother introduced us,” he continues. “We were in the army together. I’ve told you that, yeah?”

Tyler nods.

“Brought me to his place when we were on a leave. That’s how we met. Your mother and me. Through him. She was sitting in the backyard, reading a book under a tree. And she looked up and smiled at me and it was like my heart stopped beating and the earth stood still. You ever felt like that?”

He smiles as he looks across the yard, at where his wife is taking her turn at feeding the chipmunk; showing even more excitement and wide-eyed enthusiasm and wonder than Millie had.  He feels it now in the same way he’d felt it seven years ago when she’d walked into his place in the outback; he’d never met anyone like her and knew he never would again.  

“All the time,” Tyler says. “Every time I look at her.”

“It’s an amazing feeling, innit?  Especially when they smile at you or they take your hand or touch your arm.  And how they sometimes look at you like you’re the most incredible guy on the face of the earth, even when you’re feeling anything but.”

He nods. He’d experienced that last night when he’d had the nightmare and the panic attack that had accompanied it. And in the middle of the road that very afternoon when he’d had the ‘meltdown’. She never judges him; tending to him with the same kind of tenderness and patience that she uses with the kids. Sticking by him through insurmountable amounts of bullshit and heartbreak. Always looking at him like he’s the strongest, bravest man in the world; always trusting him with her life and the lives of their children. Even when he feels like a complete and utter failure.

“You love her.” It’s more a statement than a question.

“With everything I am and everything I have,” he admits.

“So you got this one right, at least. Didn’t go so right the first time, did it.”

Tyler smirks. He knew it could only last so long, the fond reminiscing and the touching words.  “No,” he agrees. “It didn’t.”

“You did a horrible thing, you know. Taking off like that. I don’t care what your reasons were. You never abandon your own like that.”

He nods slowly, taking in his father’s words. It’s nothing he hasn’t said to himself a million times over the past sixteen years.  There isn’t a vicious word that he hasn’t called himself, no end to the guilt and the regret that he feels.  It’s a cross to bear; one he’ll carry for the rest of his life.

“Hope it doesn’t happen again,” the old man sighs. “When something goes wrong. Because you’ve got a good thing there and if you walk away again...”

“I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear me say? That I royally fucked things up and I feel horrible about it? Is that what you want to hear? That I hate myself and I’ll probably hate myself until the day I die? That’s what you want me to say, yeah?”

“It’s nice to hear a little remorse come out of you.”

“You’re going to get on my ass about remorse? You? Of all people?” Tyler scoffs. “That’s rich. That’s really fucking rich.”

His father’s eyes narrow. “You don’t talk to me like that, boy.”

“First of all, I’m not your boy. I’m a grown ass man. With a wife and kids. Second, I’ll talk to you any goddamn way I want.”

His voice is louder and tone harsher than he’d intended, and he sees how both Bonnie and Esme look up and glance towards the porch.  A frown on his wife’s face, her brow furrowed.  He can see the concern in her eyes...the worry. And he’s thankful when Millie tugs on her hand and diverts her attention.

“Don’t you talk to me about remorse and regret,” Tyler lowers his voice. “After everything you’ve done. All the things you said, all the things you did. To mum. To me. You have the nerve to get on my ass about the mistakes I’ve made?”

“I know I haven’t always been a good man...”

“You’ve never been a good man. When the hell were you a good man? You think being nice once and while and taking us places and buying mum flowers or jewelry made up for the shitty things you did? You’d promise to change, and you would, and it would last what? A month? At the most? Just so she’d stick around. Then you’d start your crap again.”

“I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, Tyler. But...”

“I was a kid. A fucking kid. And I used to hide in my closet and listen to everything you said and everything you did. I remember going to the hospital to see mum and you warning me on the way there not tell the nurses or the doctors the real reason she was in there. Because you’d pushed her down the stairs and busted her head open and you convinced them that she fainted and fell. Do you remember that? Because I fucking remember that. And I was Millie’s age when that happened.”

His father’s face hardens, eyes darkening, jaws clenching.

“Yeah, you remember. I know you do.  You remember all the times you talked down to her and all the times you put your hands on her. How about when you tried convincing me that that’s the way all women shouldn’t be treated? That all men were just like you. And thank God I never believed it, or I would have grown up thinking that it was true, and I would have beat on my wife and my own kids.  I’ve done some shitty things over the past six and a half years; I’ve lied, and I’ve broken promises, and I’ve made some bad choices. But I’ve never...ever...raised a hand to my wife. And if I ever do...if I ever even think about...I’ll fucking kill myself. Because that means I’m just like you and she deserves better than that.”

“Hey,” Esme greets, as she climbs the stairs to the patio. “Everything okay? You seem a little...upset.”

“I’m fine,” he assures her, and she steps behind his chair, putting her hands on his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You ready to go? I’m ready to go.”

She nods. “Millie’s going to get hangry soon and you’re...” her hands slide across his shoulders and down his arms and then back up again, pausing to squeeze his biceps as she drops a kiss on the top of his head. “...pretty tense.”

“I’ll be okay,” he says, and lifts a sleeping Addie from his lap and tucks her into his chest. Forearm against her back and palm supporting her head as he stands. “We were just talking. Right, dad?”

“My son has a big mouth,” he responds. “Tried to slap it off him a few times growing up but obviously it never worked.”

Esme nervously chews her on her bottom lip, eyebrows arched as she looks up at her husband.  

“It’s fine,” Tyler runs his free hand over her hair, settling it on her back as he kisses her forehead. “Just ignore him. He didn’t like the things I had to say.”

“Can we just go?” she asks, visibly anxious. “Let’s just go. Don’t say anything else. Not with Millie here. Please.”

He nods in agreement, then glares at the old man when he gives a derisive snort and a snide, “Obvious who wears in the pants in your family.”

“What do you want me to do, dad? Beat her into behaving? Knock her around so it will keep her in line? Think that will show her who’s boss? Break her nose, give her a black eye, knock out some teeth?”

“Tyler...please...” Esme pleads, and her fingers curl around his forearm, nails pressing into the flesh. “...let’s just go.”

“She’s probably the one that knocks YOU around.”

“You know what, dad...”

“Tyler...” her voice is more forceful now. “...enough. Just walk away...be the bigger man and just walk away.”

“Better listen to her,” the old man scoffs. “She probably lays a beating on you from time to time. Seeing as you’ve gotten so soft.”

“Tyler...” Esme glares at him. “...don’t even engage. Just go. Go and take the baby to the car and I’ll get Millie. Please?” One hand fists the front of his t-shirt, the other reaches up to rest on the side of his face; fingers pressing into his cheek, encouraging him to look down at her. “Just take the baby to the car, okay?”

“Are we leaving?” Millie happily skips up the stairs, pigtails swinging and bouncing. “I’m so hungry could eat the ass out of a dead rhinoceros.”

“Excuse me?” Esme frowns. “What did you just say? Who taught you THAT?”

“That sure as hell wasn’t me,” Tyler says. “Of all the weird things I’ve said, that’s not one of them.”

“Ovi taught me,” Millie sheepishly admits. “Sorry.  I AM hungry though.”

“Go with daddy,” Esme instructs. “I have to get Addie’s baby bag and your shoes from the house. Go on. Both of you.”

He places a hand on her hip and his lips to her ear. “Don’t say anything. Even if he tries to cause shit with you.”

“I won’t,” she promises, and he pecks her lips before scooping Millie up and slinging her over his right shoulder, her head and top half of her body dangling down his back.  

“Bye grandpa!” the five-year-old calls in between her giggles. “See you at my party! Don’t tickle me too, daddy!” she squeals. “You’ll make me pee my pants!”

Esme smiles as she watches them go, waiting until they disappear around the side of the house before turning to her father in law, smile fading.

“What the hell is wrong with you? That is your son? Do you have any idea how lucky you are to even still have him in your life?”

He doesn’t respond. Mouth set in tight, thin line as he stares blankly ahead.

“He could have died seven years ago. In fact, he did, and they brought him back. Twice. If there’d been a third time, they weren’t even going to try to save him. Do you have any idea what he’s been through? What he still goes through? What his life has been like in the last sixteen years?”

Still no answer.

“Don’t you even wonder what he was doing when he left the army? Do you want to know? Do you care at all?”

“Security work.”

“He was a mercenary,” she says, and she notices his eyes widen. “A hired gun. He went into shitty places and into dangerous situations and put his life on the line to help other people.  You’re lucky to even have him and you’re going to treat him like you do? You can’t see that he’s trying? That he wants to get through to you? You totally screwed him up as a kid. And it’s left him totally messed up as an adult and...”

“Esme...” Bonnie’s voice is stern as she climbs the steps. “...I think you should leave.”

“I know you’re never going to apologize to him. Even though you should. And he’d probably never accept it anyway. But he’s still your son. And he’s going through hell right now and he’s trying so damn hard to get himself better and if you’d just meet him halfway...”

“I owe him nothing.”

“He’s your child! And I know he’s a grown ass man and he’s a husband and a father, but he’s still your son. And I should hate you for what you did to him when he was a kid and how it’s messed up for the rest of his life. But I actually feel sorry for you. Because he’s a big man with a big heart and he’s good to me and good to his kids.  He is trying so hard. And I need you to help him. I’m begging you to help him. Or help me help him. Please. That’s all I want. For him to be okay.”

“It’s too late,” the old man says. “It was too late years ago.”

“You don’t know what you’re missing. The kind of man that he is. And I find it pathetic that you can’t even look him in the eye and tell him you’re sorry. Whether he wants to believe it or not. You can’t even love your own son. What kind of parent does that? What kind of evil lives inside someone that that they turn out the way you did?”

“Esme...” Bonnie tightly grips her arm. “...you need to go.”

“And you’re just making this worse,” she addresses the other woman. “You’re ignoring it too. Everything he did to Tyler, everything he did to Tyler’s mother. You’re just turning a blind eye to it and enabling this shit. What is wrong with you people? I feel sorry for both of you.  I really do.”

“Leave,” Bonnie orders. “Now.”

“I am going,” she yanks her arm out of the woman’s grasp, then turns on her heel when she reaches the door. “If he’d died what then? Would you have even felt bad? Would you even have mourned him? If I hadn’t had been there, he would have died alone in that hospital and you probably never would have known. How pathetic is that? You wouldn’t have known your own child was dead. I had to call you and tell you what happened. And even then, you showed up pissed drunk and you brought his ex-wife. Classy. Real classy.”  

And with that she stomps into the house, slamming the door behind her.

[ironforgedrp]

♛   ELAENYS TARGARYEN

↳ details; cisfemale, twenty-three.   ↳ date of birth; 1st of the second month, 483AC.

↳ status; heterosexual, unmarried, no children. ↳ faceclaim; kathryn newton. ↳ hails from; dragonstone. ↳ loyalty; house targaryen and the iron throne.

↳ position/title; lady of house targaryen, lady of dragonstone. ↳ religion; the faith of the seven. ↳ magical ability; dragon dreams. ↳ spoken languages; the common tongue & high valyrian. ↳ reason for being in sunspear; travelling alongside her family and the iron throne.

♛   PERSONALITY

↳ type; the campaigner ( enfp-a ). ↳ alignment; chaotic good. ↳ star sign; aquarius. ↳ positives; scholarly, charitable, enthralling, sagacious. ↳ negatives; inquiring, headstrong, unruly, overemotional.

♛  BIOGRAPHY

↳ family lineage.

cursed. it is what elaenys will answer if asked what she is.

born as the youngest daughter of the dragonstone’s targaryen branch, nothing special was expected of elaenys. of course, she was descendent of an old valyrian house, descendent of the glorius targaryen kings and queens — but she wasn’t a princess. they’ll look upon her, of course they will, but the secondary branch wasn’t so glorious as the one who held the power. but elaenys was a targaryen, born with silver-blonde hair e violet-blue eyes, as fair as a cotton flower. being the youngest of three, she was quite pampered by her parents and the other adults — but she wasn’t expected to be the last.

lonely for almost her childhood — her siblings and cousins were too old to play her childish games — elaenys found comfort in the books. for the early months, she would ask for the maester or a septa to read for her — or even her mother or father, if she found them to be willing to spend some more minutes with her — until she learned how to write and read in the common tongue. when that time arrived, elaenys was unstoppable. she read all the books in dragonstone’s library at least twice, and started to preffer the company of the maesters than of the septas. but she had to attend her lady’s duties — and while she did, her mind would be wandering in the stories she read, hoping to have an adventure of her own, like her ancestors had.

always very applied, elaenys stood out in languages and westerosi history. after all, these were her favourites subjects and the ones that the young dragon, since a young age, was interested in. however, because of that, elaenys became a difficult person to deal with changes and unexpected things. history and languages always had been the way they were — and elaenys thought that her life would be like that, too. younger, she would throw a loud tantrum if things didn’t go as she planned, now, however, her tantrums aren’t so loud — but she shows small signs of irritation like harsh responses and disapproving gazes.

however, growing up, elaenys noticed that her dreams were too childish. she wasn’t born in a great condition — being a woman and a lady of a great house, meant that she would be married off to some lord and secure an beneficial alliance to her family. only if she had been born a boy — she would be like aegon v, traveling all over the kingdom. but elaenys accepted her fate within dragonstone’s gray walls and, sometimes, the red ones of the red keep.

it wasn’t until her seventeenth birthday that elaenys’ curse came. until there, her life had been easy. she could be found in the company of her older sister and mother all day or reading and discussing with the maesters. elaenys loved her father with all of her heart and had a good relationship with her older brother, even if sometimes she found his goals to be too much for his position. however, on the first day of the second month of 500AC, elaenys woke up screaming. the targaryen lady had a strange dream, one that she couldn’t put into properly words. four dragons — two reds, one purple and other green — were flying over her, their eyes too familiar, looking deep into her soul. a desperate roar was heard by elaenys as the purple dragon fell to the ground towards her direction in the open field. in the same year, her aunt, queen victaria, died.

elaenys was desperate when she interpreted her dream as an omen of death. however, she didn’t told a soul about it. she didn’t want to scare anyone — after all, the other three dragons couldn’t mean anything. the targaryen daughter tried to continue her daily activities with normality, but her reading were directed for dragon dreams’ books and targaryens who suffered from it as well. for some years, elaenys felt at peace. the dream didn’t come again, and for a while, she even forgot about it. but, at her nineteenth birthday, she dreamed of the two red dragons had fallen alongside the purple one, remaining only the green flying in the sky. the death of her uncle, the king, and her cousin, the crown prince, were not a surprise for elaenys.

the green dragon haunted her for a year. it appeared in her dreams every single day, and elaenys started to wander who it could be. her father or brother for sure, and that scared her. but the dragon dream came before her birthday, and her father’s death a few weeks before it too. again, she wasn’t surprised. elaenys knew tragedy would came one last time, and she prepared herself for it. yet, she still cried and mourned her father for days. but her nightmares became known by everyone, but she disguised them just as vivid dreams, created by her creative head. it worked for awhile, but soon her maids and mother realized that it was worse than simple nightmares.

the transition of the rule of dragonstone made her uneased. blood is thickier than water, but she knows that with her brother ruling the first targaryen seat and a lannister in the iron throne she’ll be used as a coin of exchange to secure alliances, and now with the split of the kingdoms, used as a way to keep an eye in the new monarchies. the young targaryen wasn’t happy with rhaena’s marriage — she didn’t hate the lannisters, but the iron throne belonged to the targaryens, and only her fmaily was worthy to sit on it. after all, everytime the seven kingdoms had a non-targaryen ruler, it was doomed to to failure. but elaenys would be happy to leave dragonstone — its walls remind her of her dreams, and she’s thankful that they stopped to haunt her. however, in the travel for sunspear, elaenys had a strange feeling — they weren’t the same when she had her dragon dreams, but she’s afraid that tragedy will fall again in the last generation of targaryens.

↳ personality.

with an inquiring nature, elaenys is, sometimes, a difficult person to meddle with. she doesn’t like to take orders from anyone — as a targaryen, she feels superior to the other great houses — and from time to time, disobeys the high lords. she’s a free spirit and dreams of having her own adventures — taking inspirations from aegon v, her greatest role model. as someone that read too much in her free time, elaenys observes things from different points of view and is difficult to deceive. however, she’s an idealistic and is always ready to advocate in favor of the small folk or help them. with people that she trusts, the young dragon is a sweet and lively, speaking too much about her interests.

however, with the dragon dreams, elaenys is quieter. quieter and paranoiac. she’s afraid to have another dream and this fear is showing up in her actions, even if it’s an irrational fear. she wanders from time to time and wonders about the possibilities of what can happen, but when she realizes it, elaenys promptly tries to return to her normal self — the same impatient and cheerful elaenys that her family knew. the targaryen daughter is someone super emotional, and she holds words and grudges easily. her impulsiveness and inquiring nature always bring to elaenys situations that she doesn’t know how to handle — despite being such a smart person, she isn’t well versed in diplomacy and doesn’t know the time to stop talking, sometimes hurting the people that the loves without noticing. the young dragons is also someone that doesn’t apologize easily — she is always sure that she is right, and if the other person is offended, she cannot do anything to help them.

↳ the splitting of the kingdoms.

for someone that only traveled to the capitol, elaenys is excited to be in somewhere new and attend to a summit that will be in the maester’s history books. she wants to experience the dornish lands with everything they have to offer, without worrying for her family safety. however, with a mind as sharp as an assassin’s knife, elaenys is more interested in the political meetings. she isn’t a supporter of king arryk — doing it publicly because of her cousin — and think that either rhaena of one of her older siblings should the ruler of westeros, but she understand why the schism happened. elaenys doesn’t think that the treaties will work — men are too prideful when losing, and losing a great part of your kingdom isn’t something good. she’s afraid that a war will happen just like the last time the seven kingdoms were split, and she knows that her family will be in the middle of it — being in dorne will give elaenys a way to prepare herself when that time comes. however, with her inquiring nature, she may find herself in difficult situations after asking questions she shouldn’t.

  ♛    STATUS:  TAKEN

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 02 Mar 2020 (Disasters vs dystopias, meet me in Kelowna, Cool Mules, astrosovkitsch, drug policy)

Today's links

My new podcast, "Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopia": Tired: Look for the helpers. Wired: Be the helper.

The next frontier for school censorware is spying on kids all the time: It's how we'll stop ISIS, apparently.

I'm coming to Kelowna on March 5: It's my first-ever trip to the BC interior and more than half the (free) tickets are gone. RSVP now!

Cool Mules, an investigative series on a Vice editor's cocaine-smuggling ring: From the people who brought you the stunning "Thunder Bay."

Soviet Space Graphics: Cosmic Visions from the USSR.

Apple, Nike and Dell's supply chain includes enslaved Uyghurs: Xinjiang Phase II.

Drugs Without the Hot Air: The best book I've ever read on drugs and drug policy, in an expanded new edition.

This day in history: 2005, 2010, 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

My new podcast, "Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopia" (permalink)

I just posted a new podcast! "Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopia" is an essay I wrote for Wired about the ways that the stories we tell ourselves make the difference between rising to meet a crisis and devolving into catastrophe.

The podcast is here:

https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/01/disasters-dont-have-to-end-in-dystopias/

The Wired essay is here:

https://www.wired.com/2017/04/cory-doctorow-walkaway/

Though I wrote it in 2017, it really applies today. Our beliefs about whether we can trust our neighbors to have our back in times of crisis informs whether we behave in a way that shows THEY can trust US in times of crisis.

And since every crisis is (eventually) overcome by people pitching in to get things fixed, the belief that our fellow humans are untrustworthy means that crises are more likely to turn into disasters – and the stories we write can instil or dispel that belief.

I know that there's some controversy about Mr Rogers' famous "Look for the helpers" speech – that it's advice for children, not adults.

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/10/look-for-the-helpers-mr-rogers-is-bad-for-adults/574210/

But the adult version is "BE the helper." That is, prepared to run towards the emergency, not to cower in a luxury bunker while better people than you get the machine started again.

The next frontier for school censorware is spying on kids all the time (permalink)

We spend a lot of time bemoaning the lack of privacy-consciousness among kids, and then we spy on them at school with censorware and punish them for taking any action that might protect their privacy from us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAGjNe1YhMA

Meanwhile, censorware companies – whose primary customers have always been oppressive regimes seeking to control political oppositions – have morphed into full-on student surveillance companies, and their sales pitch is a terrifying slurry of war-on-terror/active shooter FUD.

When companies like Gaggle and Securely pitch school-boards on their products, they claim that they can detect incipient in-school ISIS attacks and the like, and use that as justification to spy on kids in-school and out-of-school online activities. These companies are mini-NSAs-for-hire, tracking social media usage and every keystroke and click on school networks and devices, storing it (insecurely) for years, if not decades.

https://www.thegazette.com/subject/opinion/staff-columnist/iowa-city-schools-student-social-media-monitoring-surveillance-gaggle-securly-20200302

They make bizarre claims ("the average 7th grader has 6 Instagram accounts" – which would make 7th graders 25% of the entire IG user-base). And they find terrified parents to endorse spying ("If it's going to protect my child, I don't care how you get the info, just get it"). People who sell security need to sell fear. If we want our kids to care about their privacy, we can't make them "safe" by spying on them all the time and banning any steps they take to make us stop.

I'm coming to Kelowna on March 5 (permalink)

I'm coming to the BC interior for the first time ever, talking about my book Radicalized at the Kelowna library as part of Canada Reads. I'm being hosted by the CBC's Sarah Penton from 6-8PM! It's free to attend but it's ticketed, and the majority of tickets are already gone — if you want to come, now's the time to RSVP.

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

(and if you can't make it, it's OK! The CBC will broadcast the audio and I'll put it my podcast, too)

Cool Mules, an investigative series on a Vice editor's cocaine-smuggling ring (permalink)

Back in 2015, Slava Pastuk was an editor at Vice, and he abused his position there to pressure young, desperate would-be journalists into smuggling suitcases full of millions of dollars' worth of cocaine into Australia.

https://nationalpost.com/news/former-vice-editor-gets-nine-year-sentence-for-recruiting-young-drug-mules-for-massive-cocaine-smuggling-ring

Five of them went to prison, but Slava Pastuk did not (at first). When Pastuk's role in the affair became public and he was indicted and tried, he refused to talk to the press at all, making the whole thing something of a non-story cipher (despite its spectacular details).

Incredibly, though, Canadaland got Slava to talk. At length. And they got the other side of the story, too, both from Slava's victims and those who risked career suicide by turning him down. The result is a new, six-part investigative series called Cool Mules, hosted by Kasia Mychajlowycz, whose work I discovered through the spectacular On The Media.

https://www.canadalandshow.com/shows/cool-mules/

It's modeled on Canadaland's last, spectacular miniseries, Thunder Bay, easily the best investigative series I ever listened to.

https://www.canadalandshow.com/shows/thunder-bay/

This morning's Canadaland features an in-depth, behind-the-scenes look at the making of the series between Mychajlowycz and Jesse Brown, and it has me licking my chops for the series itself.

https://www.canadalandshow.com/podcast/315-the-cocaine-smuggling-ring-at-vice/

Soviet Space Graphics (permalink)

When my grandmother was 12, she was inducted into the Leningrad civil defense corps during the 900 day siege of Leningrad (I wrote a science fiction novella about this called "After the Siege").

http://www.infinitematrix.net/stories/shorts/after-the-siege.html

The story is also available as a five-part audiobook reading by Mary Robinette Kowal:

http://scalzi.com/atseige/afterthesiege1.mp3 http://scalzi.com/atseige/afterthesiege2.mp3 http://scalzi.com/atseige/afterthesiege3.mp3 http://scalzi.com/atseige/afterthesiege4.mp3 http://scalzi.com/atseige/afterthesiege5.mp3

Eventually (years later) my grandmother was evacuated with the women and children across the winter ice and ended up in Siberia, where she met my grandfather, got pregnant, fled to Azerbaijan and birthed my father. They made their way to Canada over six years, through a series of refugee adventures and crises that could each be a novella of its own (the part where she married my grandfather's one-armed partisan fighter brother, for example, and got caught in a pogrom).

My grandmother completely lost contact with her family in Leningrad, for years. More than a decade. My father vividly recounts how he, as a little boy, heard his mother in Toronto answer the phone and say, "Mama, mama" and begin to cry for the family she thought was dead.

Over the years that followed, my grandmother and grandfather traveled to the USSR several times to see her family, and my Leningrad family came often to visit us in Toronto. Whenever they came, the brought Soviet space-program memoribilia.

There was SO MUCH of this stuff (in the early 90s, Russian sf fans used to pay their way to US conventions by shlepping suitcases full of astrosovkitsch to sell at the event), and it was gorgeous and magical. Some of the best art of the Soviet era was produced to celebrate the space program, and my most cherished toys and knickkacks growing up featured Sputnik, Gagarin, and Valentina Tereshkova. Today, much of that stuff is in our home, thanks in part to Ukrainian Ebay sellers who've taken over the astrosovkitsch market from Russian sf fans.

I'm awfully excited, therefore, by the news that Phaidon is bringing out "Soviet Space Graphics: Cosmic Visions from the USSR." It's a lavishly illustrated volume, produced in collaboration with the Moscow Design Museum.

https://www.phaidon.com/store/design/soviet-space-graphics-9781838660536/

If you're ever in St Petersburg and you want to see some amazing historical examples of Soviet space and tech materials, visit the Popov Museum.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.S._Popov_Central_Museum_of_Communications

Incidentally, my grandmother's baby brother Bora, who stayed behind in Leningrad, grew up to be curator of the Popov. I last saw Uncle Bora in 2005, shortly before his death, and he gave us a curator's behind-the-scenes tour of the museum. You can see my photos from the visit here:

https://www.flickr.com/search/?user_id=37996580417%40N01&sort=date-taken-desc&text=popov&view_all=1

Apple, Nike and Dell's supply chain includes enslaved Uyghurs (permalink)

Phase II of China's Xinjiang concentration camps for ethno-religious minorities (mostly Uyghurs but also other Muslim minorities) is creating slave-labor factories that serve major US brands.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-51697800

Nike, Apple and Dell's supply chains are all implicated.

As a reminder, the Xinjiang concentration camps used torture, punitive rape, brainwashing, forced medical experimentation and other tactics to "retrain" a disfavored minority.

"Between 2017 and 2019, the ASPI think tank estimates that more than 80,000 Uighurs were transferred out of the far western Xinjiang autonomous region to work in factories across China. It said some were sent directly from detention camps."

The revelations come from a report from the Australian Strategic Policy Institute:

https://www.aspi.org.au/report/uyghurs-sale

The workers enslaved in these factories spend their off-hours in brainwashing sessions, living "in segregated dormitories, with Mandarin lessons and 'ideological training', subjected to constant surveillance and banned from observing religious practices."

Drugs Without the Hot Air (permalink)

I first read "Drugs Without the Hot Air," David Nutt's astoundingly good book about drug policy back in 2012; in the eight years since, hardly a month has gone by without my thinking about it. Now, there's a new, updated edition, extensively revised, and it's an absolute must-read.

Nutt came to fame when he served as the UK "Drugs Czar" under the Labour Government in the late 2000s; especially when Home Secretary Jacqui Smith fired him for his refusal to lie and say that marijuana was more harmful than alcohol, despite the extensive evidence to the contrary (Smith also threatened Nutt for publishing a paper in Nature that compared the neurological harms of recreational horseback riding to harms from recreational MDMA use, a paper that concluded that if horses came in pill form we might call them "Equasy").

Since then, Nutt — an eminent psychopharmacologist researcher and practioner — has continued to campaign, research, and write about evidence-based drugs policy that takes as its central mission to reduce harm and preserve therapeutic benefits from drugs.

Like the first edition of Drugs Without the Hot Air, the new edition serves three missions:

First, to describe how a wide variety of drugs — benzos, cocaine, opoiods, cannabis, etc, but also alcohol, caffeine and nicotine — work in the body, in clear, nontechnical language that anyone can follow.

Next, to describe the harms and benefits of drugs, considered both on individual and societal levels — and also to describe what the best medical evidence tells us about maximizing those benefits and minimizing those harms.

Finally, to recount how governments — mainly in the UK but also in the USA and elsewhere — have responded to the evidence on drug mechanisms, harms and benefits.

Inevitably, part 3 becomes an indictment, as Nutt describes in eye-watering, frustrating, brutal detail how harmful, incoherent, self-serving and cowardly government responses to drugs have been, and how many lives they have ruined — through criminalizing harmless conduct, through treating medical problems as criminal ones, and through badly thought-through policies that caused relatively benign substances to be replaced with far more harmful ones (for example, Nutt traces the lethal rise in fentanyl partly to the successful global interdiction of opium poppies).

One important difference between the new edition and the original is visible progress on this last. In the years since Nutt was fired for refusing to lie about science, he has founded Drugscience, a research and advocacy nonprofit that has scored significant policy wins and made real therapeutic breakthroughs through hard work and rigour.

I don't think you could ask for a more sensible, clear-eyed, and useful book about drugs, from the ones your doctor prescribes to the ones your bartender serves you to the ones you can go to jail for possessing. Nutt is not just a great and principled campaigner, nor merely a talented and dedicated scientist — he's also a superb communicator.

Drugs Without the Hot Air is part of an outstanding series of technical books — mostly about climate change — that have greatly influenced my thinking. The publisher, UIT Cambridge, has several more that I recommend.

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago Media professors' SCOTUS brief on why P2P should be legal https://web.archive.org/web/20050910210056/http://www.nyu.edu/classes/siva/mediagrokster.pdf

#15yrsago Study: Used hard-drives full of juicy blackmail material https://web.archive.org/web/20051223054039/http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1487674,00.html

#15yrsago Revolved: Beatles mashup album https://web.archive.org/web/20050221212052/http://www.hearingdouble.co.uk/ccc/

#15yrsago 1121 phrases you can't put on personalized jerseys at nfl.com https://web.archive.org/web/20050304035349/https://www.outsports.com/nfl/2005/0301nflshopnaughtywords.htm

#10yrsago Brits: tell the LibDem Peers not to bring web-censorship to Britain! https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/2010/lib-dems-seek-web-blocking

#10yrsago If chess were redesigned by MMORPG developers https://akma.disseminary.org/2010/03/if-chess-were-invented-by-mmog-developers/

#5yrsago America's growing gangs of armed, arrest-making, untrained rent-a-cops https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/private-police-carry-guns-and-make-arrests-and-their-ranks-are-swelling/2015/02/28/29f6e02e-8f79-11e4-a900-9960214d4cd7_story.html

#5yrsago Bruce Schneier's Data and Goliath: The Hidden Battles to Collect Your Data and Control Your World https://boingboing.net/2015/03/02/bruce-schneiers-data-and-gol.html

#1yrago Man-Eaters: Handmaid's Tale meets Cat People in a comic where girls turn into man-eating were-panthers when they get their periods https://boingboing.net/2019/03/02/lycanthropes-v-patriarchy.html

#1yrago Massive study finds strong correlation between "early affluence" and "faster cognitive drop" in old age https://www.pnas.org/content/116/12/5478

#1yrago Comcast assigned every mobile customer the same unchangeable PIN to protect against SIM hijack attacks: 0000 https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/03/a-comcast-security-flub-helped-attackers-steal-mobile-phone-numbers/

#1yrago Improbably, a Black activist is now the owner and leader of the "National Socialist Movement," which he is turning into an anti-racist group https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2019/03/01/how-black-man-outsmarted-neo-nazi-group-became-their-new-leader/?utm_term=.e5eb80c543cb

#1yrago Study that claimed majority of Copyright Directive opposition came from the US assumed all English-language tweets came from Washington, DC https://webschauder.de/wer-zwitschert-zum-eu-urheberrecht/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Slashdot (https://slashdot.org), Dark Roasted Blend (https://www.darkroastedblend.com/) and Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Canada Reads Kelowna: March 5, 6PM, Kelowna Library, 1380 Ellis Street, with CBC's Sarah Penton https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

Currently writing: I just finished a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel now, though the timing is going to depend on another pending commission (I've been solicited by an NGO) to write a short story set in the world's prehistory.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopias: https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/01/disasters-dont-have-to-end-in-dystopias/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

[bts-army-youniverse-blog]

V stands for Victory

From the Merriam Webster dictionary: 2) achievement of, mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties.

Taehyung  had 3 options when it came time to choose his stage name, and he chose V. He was named Taehyung by his Grandfather, meaning "all wishes come true, everything will be alright even if facing a difficult situation".

How could his Grandfather know that the name given to Tae at birth would also describe his chosen stage, when the time to choose came? Was it fate that V accompanied his friend to the auditions that day?  He was the only one selected among everyone that auditioned. He started his career being victorious in a contest he didn't intend to compete.

Tae's path was never easy though. Not during trainee days and not after. As you may know, BTS was originally debuted as a group that focuses only on hip-hop, forcing the members into a mould, to present themselves a certain way. Tae's quirky personality though, may have often seemed out of place where hip-hop is concerned. Especially at BTS' early TV show appearances. From being mocked by hosts and "fans" alike, to becoming the most ridiculed member for his appearance in American Hustle Life, V has had to face it all.

Don't get us wrong, people with similar personalities, as Tae's, are some of the most adored celebrities, in South Korea. But, the "strictly hip-hop" image, BTS, were trying to present in the beginning of their careers, was what made Tae look so out of place. It wasn't until BTS started meddling with other genres and sounds, that people started understanding Tae better. He is a soul with a kaleidoscope of beautiful spectrums.

Although he is capturing everyone's hearts nowadays, this is a knife with two edges all on its own. He is no stranger to prejudice and mockery, to people's obsessive behaviour and ignorance. He has been on both sides of the spectrum. From being disliked because he was misunderstood to being liked too much.

Yet, Tae has never been anything other than himself. From his debut days, until now, V has grown, from a playful quirky boy, into a mature man, with the tender soul of a child. His talents and passions have shone through the shade of prejudice. V, has conquered all challenges. From developing his vocal skills, to learning how to play various instruments. Tae composes his own music and then produces the videos. We witness his ever evolving dancing skills. He fulfilled a life goal, by staring in the historical drama, HWARANG.

Most recently, V has been nurturing his passion for photography and painting.

Within every artistic medium, he shows us his true self. A person that's VICTORIUS!!!

"If you are concerned about something, tell [someone] anytime and let [your troubles] out~ If you keep it to yourself, it will become an illness."

— V , August 2019

We applaud BTS for their ongoing partnership with UNICEF to help children and young adults of our world.

"LOVE YOUR SELF"

For more information please go to:

love-myself.org

Team Karamel 🍮

⇩

Credits:

NUNA V

Winter Bear MV

[yuyas-awesome-hippos]

Arc-V’s subtle lesson, who can be redeemed.

I think one thing that is overlooked in the lessons Arc-V gives is the question who can be redeemed. Of course since Arc-V is a Yu-Gi-Oh! show, redemptions are common but I think it’s interesting to note that unlike other Yu-Gi-Oh! shows that kinda redeem everyone as long as they’re aren’t the big bad, Arc-V states people can be redeemed if they don’t know any better or they want to be redeemed. 

1. They’re aren’t evil/they can be better

I know this sounds very very obvious BUT the idea here is that there are people that do horrible actions but they have reasons for their actions and can be redeemed. Examples include Shinji, Kaito, Sora and Leo. The thing that ties these four together is they all have done or at least intended for horrible things for a just goal but are too stubborn to be just talked out of at first. Shinji has suffered a lifetime of discrimination and mockery so it makes sense he wants to fix the City, Kaito has spent a year facing an invasion by people that treat the carding of his people as a sick game and recently lost his family thus explaining his bitter attitude and desire for revenge, Sora was raised by the Academia that all his vicious actions will create an utopia where all can live and Leo is driven by guilt to save his daughter, fix his dimension and kill the person responsible for all of this. The other thing that ties the four of them is the start of their change to good is off-screen and is a realization that changes their perception.

All Shinji wants is to fix the City so Commons like him can have a better life but due to his life, Shinji is both filled with hate towards the Tops and is just too cynical to believe in an idealist solution like the one Yuya suggested in their duel. Thus why he goes against Crow when Crow suggested working with the Tops because he believes the Tops would never gave up their power thus the only way to get the freedom they deserve is to riot. The reason Shinji turns to good is because Yuya was already fulfilling his desire. Shinji only calms down when Yuya makes a point of repeating Shinji’s ideals, he has Jack on the ropes AND the City is uniting. Yuya is proving not only is his idealistic plan possible, it was working right in front of Shinji’s eyes. Shinji has no reason still be antagonistic because he’s getting what he wants, a better City thus he becomes Yuya’s ally again.

Kaito not only hates the Academia due to their actions but he’s scared. He’s scared of being hurt again thus he isolates himself in his hate so he never feels pain again. He sees people from the other dimensions as enemies and refuses to work with his friends again out of fear of the pain it would cause if they were carded. The thing that really sets Kaito off is when he was about to card Shun while Sayaka was crying. In that moment Kaito couldn’t do it because he realized what he was doing. He wasn’t avenging his family or dimension, he wasn’t even fighting people from other dimensions. In that moment all Kaito was doing was carding someone from the Xyz dimension as someone was crying. Kaito realized that in his hate and isolation, he very nearly became EXACTLY what the Academia was and took time to realize he was changing into something he didn’t want to be. Thus why he saved Yuya by using an Action Card, he wanted to change to be better. Thus why he became Yuya’s ally.        

Sora was indoctrinated from a young age to believe that Academia’s goal was just and even if he carded some people, they weren’t from his dimension so they weren’t as important. Deep down Sora realized the Academia was cruel, ruthless and just not a fun place to be but because of how he was raised, he never questioned it and just followed his mission for the good of the Academia. But his redemption arc started when he was finally hit with conflict of interest. He had to kidnapped one of his first friends, Yuzu for the Academia. Finally forcing Sora to think about the Academia and it’s goals thus realizing all the issues he always had with the organization but repressed. After a lot of soul searching, he realized he was much happier being Yuzu and Yuya’s friend and thus joined them.

Leo always had issues of not considering opinions that didn’t align with his but the destruction of the Original Dimension just made it worse. Now his home was replaced by fakes, his daughter split into four and worse he now had a story that no one sane would ever believe. Leo did everything out of the misguided belief that he would fix his dimension, get his daughter back and kill the monster that started all of this. The issue is he was blinded by his bias and didn’t realize the Four Dimensions were filled with real people, the Dragon Boys and Bracelet Girls weren’t just parts of Zarc and Ray but their own people. But he was forced to see when Yuzu and Yuya were able to overpower Ray and Zarc. If Yuzu and Yuya were just parts of Ray and Zarc, they would never be able to take control but they did. Thus Leo had to realize Yuzu and Yuya were their own people and not just shadows of their original, making him realize the same for the other counterparts. Thus when he reappears late in the show, he realizes his mistakes because he saw it first hand.

2. They were indoctinatorated/they don’t know better   

Another reason why people can be redeemed is that they were raised incorrectly which can be applied to the Academia and City as whole and Yuri in particular. Both the people in the Academia and City aren’t evil per say even if their actions are deplorable. But they were just raised that way. Asuka shows no matter how moral you are as a person, you are influenced by your environment. None of the children in the Academia are 100% evil they were raised that way because they were never taught better. It’s the same for the City, they believe in competition above all else because they were raised that was the only way to live. They were able to change because Yuya was able to show them a better way and the accepted it because they realized they enjoyed that way more.

Yuri is a special compared to the rest of the Academia as beside being raised by the Academia’s ideals, his own special birth as a fourth of Zarc meant Zarc’s influenced him than his counterparts. Adding to Leo’s encouraging him to listen to his darker instincts, Yuri was corrupted to listen to his darker side as it let him have fun and gave him the attention he wanted. Thus when Zarc’s influence was taken away, he no longer desired to be as evil because he no longer had those desires and as part of Yuya, he was no longer lonely ever again.

3. They want to be better

I think the third factor that allows redemption is these people realize they’re wrong and want to change like Chojiro, BB and Zarc. 

Chojiro was an entertainment duelist that wanted to lessen the gap between the Commons and Tops and tried to do that through dueling. But his attempt to do so only furthered proved the gap and he was forced to cheat. He grew to hate entertainment and enjoyment after he failed to unite the Tops and Commons and was made a laughing stock. Due to his failure and misery he abandoned his ideals and even goes by Autumn Rain Chojiro, but it’s very obvious he’s miserable. He spends pretty much all of episodes 60 and 61 on edge and frowning. But the second Yuya forces him to draw for real after years of not drawing or setting up his draw, he’s forced to do the thing that he loved again. And he loves it because deep down Chojiro never truly hated entertainment, he was just too hurt to have the courage to try again. Thus Yuya forcing him to draw made him relive all the positive feelings that he locked away and he happily and almost instantly turned back to Enjoy Chojiro.

BB is one of the rare Academia students that never bought into Academia’s propaganda and instead never wanted to fight or hurt anyone but did so out of fear for his survival. He locked away his true peaceful self to scare his opponents and ensure that no one could hurt him by defeating them instead. He dueled for survival and thus Yuya could reach him. Yuya’s duel finally gave BB a choice in his life and a way out of the fear that made up his life. Thus BB changed because he was finally allowed to not hurt people anymore. 

Zarc wanted to make everyone happy but due to his weak will, he went with the audience’s desire for violence despite it going against his desires. This eventually made him grow bitter as he kept hurting monsters, duelists while the audience loved it and he grew to enjoy the violence as well. He finally turned against humanity when they gave him permission to do so thus becoming the very opposite of what he wanted, a monster that made people cry. But despite his own disdain for his former dream, he still cling to it and said ideal was reborn as Yuya. Zarc was able to be redeemed by Yuya because deep down Zarc knew he was wrong but refused to admit it. Deep down Zarc still wanted to be an entertainer but didn’t believe it was possible. It was through Yuya’s efforts that he calmed down and since Yuya is Zarc that means no matter what Zarc always wanted to do good again.

BUT Arc-V also has villains that were never redeemed such as Roger, Sergey, Sanders and the Doktor. They are all different but the uniting theme is they refuse to change. 

Roger is just a sociopath that hated that were people above him and desired power above all else. He refuses to believe he could make a mistake and thus when his plans do crumble around him, he refuses to admit his failures thus preventing him from changing

Sergey is psycho with his own twisted ideals and morals. Finally beauty in destruction and willpower thus unable to change as the City finds Sergey’s actions disgusting and disturbing. Sergey can never change as his ideals are naturally twisted unlike the City’s whose ideals are twisted by their environment.  

Sanders is twisted man the believes in the Academia’s ideals fully. But as an adult he wasn’t indoctrinated like the students but instead believes in them wholeheartedly. Also as an adult, he is unlikely to change thus he stays evil while his students change because of Yuya’s duel.

The Doktor only cares about advancing Real Solid Vision research and thus will never stop. Anytime he is defeated, he sees it as another chance to learn and thus will never be discourage and because he has no morals, the Doktor can never change. 

I believe Arc-V shows that no one is 100% evil but that truly allows people to be better is a desire to be better or at least a willingness to listen to others as these four villains refused to change no matter what thus they were never redeemed in anyway. 

[queenlnss-a]

Hey talk about how Quinn giving Beth up was the best decision she could’ve made

- ̗̀   META  TOPICS.      /      @awesomegaydar​​  !

OKAY,  SO,  THE  MOST  IMPORTANT          thing  to  remember  about  Quinn  is  that  one  of  her    primary  goals    from  start  to  finish  has  always  been  to  make  something  of  herself,  and  whether  it  is  for  the  right  or  wrong  reasons,  it  doesn’t  matter    (  after  all,  a  bad  reputation  is  better  than  no  reputation  at  all,  am  I  right  ?  ),    because  she  had  a  goal  in  mind  and  she  was  going  to  get  there  no  matter  what  ‘cause  that  is the  kind  of  person  she  is.  She  is  constantly  seeking  MORE.  One  of  her  main  motivations  has  always  been  the  possibility  of    l e a v i n g    Lima,  which  is  seen  by  most  of  the  younger  generation  anyway  as  a  dead  end  road    (  “  I  really  thought  I  had  a  shot  at  getting  out  of  here.  ”    1.04,  Preggers  ).

                    It’s  not  even  just  Quinn  who  strives  for  more,  her  friends  do,  too.  The  MAJORITY  of  the  New  Directions  seek  out  further  education  outside  of  Ohio,  including  most  of  Quinn’s  classmates  and  several  of  the  underclassmen.  The  only  time  Quinn  has  ever    resigned    herself  to  the  idea  of  living  in  Lima  and  spending  the  rest  of  her  life  there  is  when  she  was  dating  Finn  again  back  in  season  two.  At  that  particular  point  in  time,  her  goal  was  keeping  him  at  her  side  and  getting  back  what  she  had  lost  with  him  the  year  prior.  That  was  how  she  felt  whole  and  how  she  got  closure  to  their  relationship.  Any  time  before  and  after  that,  she  sought  out  a  different  future  for  herself  and  ALWAYS  had  a  high  expectation  for  what  her  life  would  be.  If  she  had  kept  Beth,  if  she  had  become  a  mother  at  such  a  young  age,  it  would  have  meant  staying  behind  and  watching  her  friends  move  on  to  bigger  and  better  things,  and  as  a  person  who  so    actively    worked  to  keep  her  grades  HIGH  and  made  a  genuine  effort  when  it  came  to  her  education  —–  despite  the  many  obstacles  in  her  way  —–  it  just  doesn’t  realistically  add  up.

                    Never  forget  that  at  the  time  of  her  pregnancy,  Quinn  was    sixteen    years  old.  Her  priorities  in  life  at  that  age  were  being  popular,  pleasing  her  parents,  attending  Cheerios  practice,  keeping  her  boyfriend,  and  maintaining  her  REPUTATION.  She  was  not  prepared  for  motherhood  and  was  absolutely    g u t t e d    about  being  pregnant.  She  did  not  want  a  child.  Right  from  the  start,  she  was  absolutely  adamant  that  she  would  not  keep  the  baby,  and  went  through  great  lengths  to  prove  it,  including  making  a  deal  with  Will’s  wife,  Terri  so  that  they  could  have  it  when  it  was  born.  She  did  not  give  the  child  a  name  and    d i s m i s s e d    any  efforts  either  of  the  boys  made  to  name  it.  Even  when  Puck  offers  up  the  name  Beth  during  Theatricality,  you  will  notice  that  she  does  not  say  yes  or  no,  and  it’s  not  Quinn  who  gives  her  that  name,  it  is  Puck.  Quinn  merely    smiles    in  response.  There  is  absolutely  nothing  to  indicate  her  wanting  to  keep  the  baby,  because  she  knows  that  if  she  ever  wants  to  make  something  of  her  life,  she  would  be  better  without  it.  The  ONE  THING  she  makes  an  effort  for,  in  regards  to  that  baby  is  its  health,  which  is  why  she  decides  to  pick  up  a  more  healthy,  balanced  diet  in  order  to  make  sure  it  has  enough  in  order  to  develop  and  grow  inside  her.  She  understood  that  for  it  be  strong,  she  had  to  be  strong,  also.

                    Now  comes  the    what - ifs    and  the  dozen  factors  that  would  have  held  her  back.

                    Quinn  did  not  have  a  job  during  season  one,  and  did  not  think  she  had  any  reason  to  pick  up  one  herself,  which  is  why  she  held  so  tightly  onto  Finn.  He  was  her  source  of  money  and  support  at  the  start  of  her  pregnancy.  She    pushed    for  him  to  get  a  job  so  that  HE  could  pay  the  hospital  bills  and  her  parents  wouldn’t  find  out,  and  when  he  broke  up  with  her,  she  ended  up  with  Puck,  who  was  always  her  second  choice.  His  job  was  a  side - business.  It  was  not  his  primary  focus  at  that  time,  and  he  did  not  get  that  much  money  for  it,  because  let’s  face  it,  pool  cleaning  isn’t  exactly  the  most  popular  service  in  the  middle  of  Lima,  Ohio    (  Puck  said  it,  not  me  ),    and  we  find  out  later  on  down  the  line  that  even  he  doesn’t  want  to  stick  around  town.    If  she’d  have  kept  the  baby,  I  have  no  doubt  that  she  would  have  picked  up  a  job  eventually,  but  there  probably  would  have  been  at  least  two  to  three  months  post - birth  where  she  had  no  money  and  was  looking  after  a  kid  on  her  own  AS  WELL  as  balancing  her  education  on  the  side.  It  would  have  overworked  her,  and  Quinn  knows  her  limits    (  “  I’m  not  Superwoman,  ”    1.06,  Vitamin  D  ).    Her  family  would  never  have  supported  her.  She  was  homeless  and  struggling  to  cope  on  her  own  while  pregnant.  Yes,  Judy  had  offered  to  take  her  back  in,  but  that  was  only  AFTER  she  found  out  that  Russel  was  cheating  on  her.  What  if  she  had  never  come  back  ?  What  would  Quinn  have  done  then  ?  I’m  certain  that  Mercedes’  family  wouldn’t  have  kept  her  on  long - term,  despite  their    i n i t i a l    kindness.  They  wouldn’t  have  turned  on  her,  per  se,  but  I  can’t  imagine  two  complete  strangers  letting  someone  stay  at  their  place  with  a  newborn  for  an  indefinite  period  of  time,  and  even  if  they  did,  what  about  when  Mercedes  finishes  school  and  starts  to  pursue  her  future  ?

                    I  would  just  like  to  clarify  that  this  is  not  to  say  that  no  person  under  the  age  of  eighteen  is  capable  of  bringing  up  and  raising  a  child.  I  know  plenty  of  people  who  had  unexpected  children  in  the  midst  of  their  teenage  years  and  were  just  fine.  Every  person  is    d i f f e r e n t,    and  everyone  has  their  own  experiences  and  copes  in  their  own  way.  Some  people  can  have  a  child  at  the  age  of  sixteen  and  be  able  to  move  on  with  their  life  and  do  great,  wonderful  things,  while  also  dealing  with  teenage  parenthood,  while  others  may  end  up  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  tracks.  In  Quinn’s  case,  I    do  not    believe  that  being  a  teen  mom  would  have  worked  out  in  her  favour,  not  just  for  the  reasons  already  listed,  but  also  because  over  the  series,  she  shows  a  great  deal  of    r e s e n t m e n t    towards  her  pregnancy.  

                    She  lost  EVERYTHING  she’d  ever  cared  about.  She  had  no  family,  very  few  friends,  no  home,  no  one  to  turn  to  and  not  much  to  call  her  own.  It  made  her  incredibly    angry    and  frustrated  at  the  world,  because  it  was  not  what  she  wanted,  nor  what  she  had  expected  of  herself    (  “  Look  at  me,  look  at  my  life  —————  I’m  furious  !  ”    1.21,  Funk  ).    Notice  how  she  only  clings  onto  the  idea  of  getting  Beth  back  in  season  three  because  she  felt  like  she  had  nothing  left  to  motivate  her    (  “  Beth  is  perfect.  She’s  my  perfect  thing,  something  even  I  can’t  screw  up.  Do  you  know  how  hard  it  is  for  someone  to  do  something  perfectly  ?  I’ll  never  get  the  chance  again,  so  even  if  I  never  leave  this  town  or  accomplish  anything,  I’ll  have  her  to  call  mine.  ”    3x04,  Pot  o’  Gold  )  ?  She  saw  Beth  as  her  POSSESSION,  something  that  she  had  to  steal  back  because  she  felt  like  she  had  rights  just  because  she’d  given  birth  to  her.  That  is  not  a  healthy  mindset  for  any  aspiring  parent.  You  should  not  have  a  child  in  order  to  fix  your  bruised  ego  or  your  broken  pride.  It’s  selfish  and     d a m a g i n g,    not  just  for  the  child,  but  also  for  yourself  and  your  OWN  mental  state    (  and  let’s  be  real,  okay,  Quinn’s  mental  state  is  a  whole  other  story  for  another  time  ).

                    But  to  summarise,  Quinn  is  an  ambitious  and  committed  individual  who,  after  giving  birth  and  letting  go  of  that  child,  was  always  on  the  search  for  ways  to  BETTER  herself.  She  preaches  about  women  finding  themselves  in  their  thirties  and  very  vocally  disagrees  with  her  friends  with  they  tell  the  class  that  they  want  to  get  married  at  the  age  of  eighteen.  Quinn  might  have  been  an  amazing  mom,  and  there’s  no  doubting  that  she  would  have  made  Beth  her  whole  world,  but  she  could    never    have  been  able  to  get  to  the  level  of  maturity  she  had  by  the  end  of  season  three  had  she  not  given  her  away.  She  would  never  have  been  able  to  figure  out  her  own  life  because  her  life  would  always  have  belonged  to  someone  else.  Putting  herself  FIRST  and  learning  how  to  be  independent  and  move  on  from  her  childhood  at  her  own  pace  was  the    b e s t    thing  she  could  have  done  for  herself,  and  by  far    h e a l t h i e s t    choice  she’s  ever  made.  She  had  to  learn  about    herself    before  devoting  her  life  to  someone  who  would  have  needed  all  of  her  attention  for  the  first  three  to  four  years  of  their  life,  which  only  would  have  taken  from  her  and  MINIMALISED  her  as  a  person.  That’s  how  she  grew  from  being  a  bully  and  a  menace  to  a  level - headed  and  wise  young  woman.  That’s  how  she    m a t u r e d    and  became  an  adult.

[cdyssey]

Once Rewatch: The Price of Gold, 1x04

WELL, THAT’S A JOLLY INTERESTING WAY TO START AN EPISODE. R.I.P., FAIRY GODMOTHER. 

Love how Once was quick to subvert Cinderella’s story and in such an explosive way, too.

Granted, the optics of killing a POC woman within her first two lines aren’t, uh, great if we consider the show’s overall history with its POC characters.

@ Cinderella: Guuuuurl, you really should have read those Terms and Agreements.

“Really, what did you enjoy so much about Tallahassee?” 

I have a good idea. 😏😏😏

Regina: “People don’t change. They only fool themselves into believing they can.” Irony!

This is as good of a moment as any to appreciate ponytail Emma. Gr8 aesthetic.

If anyone got the short end of the stick bc of Regina’s curse, it was heavily-pregnant-for-twenty-eight-years-nineteen-years-old Cinderella. I mean, just wow.

Emma taking up for Cinderella out of a place of empathy and experience is a stunning beat, largely in part to JMO’s acting. When she sighs ever so slightly, her eyebrows knitted together, her lips set in a frown, you can see the exact moment that she decides to get invested in this young girl’s plight. 

She angrily pushes off the washing machine, and before Emma’s backstory is ever revealed, we, a captivated audience, are fully aware that she must have gone through something very similar with Henry.

Emma: [under her breath] Screw ‘em.

Cinderella: What?

Emma: [More forcefully. Resolutely.] Screw them. How old are you?

Cinderella: Nineteen.

Emma: I was eighteen.

I can’t even imagine. I’m eighteen, and I barely consider myself an adult. With that in mind, it really contextualizes how scared and brave Emma was to have done what she did in that prison cell in Phoenix. Eighteen-year olds shouldn’t be delivering babies in jail, and yet, when faced with this very situation, not only did Emma persevere, but she ended up making one of the most selfless choices any mother could make for their child. She gave her kid a chance at a good life.

“You want to change things? Then you’re gonna have to go out there and change them yourself because there are no fairy godmothers in this world.” More irony! It’s also a subtle callback to Rumple telling Cinderella pretty much the exact same thing in the opening scene of this episode. If you want change in the world, you gotta get out there and make change happen.

Why in God’s name would you try to break in .05 seconds after Rumple leaves the shop?

But kudos to you for spraying the Dark One with pepper spray. You’ve got guts, kid.

This shot is v. cute in retrospect because we now know that Regina buys Henry’s comics. <3

Henry: “You mean, don’t see my mom.” 

Regina: “She’s not your mother.”

Let’s talk about labels for a minute, and what they mean to Regina. 

Queen, wife, Evil Queen—these were never the monikers Regina would have chosen for herself had she gotten to run off with Daniel. 

“It was you who added evil to my name,” she’ll eventually tell Snow.

“Let me die as Regina,” she says at the probable end of her life.

Because she never chose to be the Evil Queen.

It was imposed on her. It was her lot.

Evil is not born but made.

But what about the title Regina did choose?

The one she claimed wholeheartedly?

No strings attached.

No hands pressing her to accept it.

What is the one honorific Regina not only picks for herself but embodies—mind, body, and soul?

Mom.

So you know it’s gotta hurt her to hear the one name she’s claimed for herself spurned by the child she entrusted it to.

“I don’t think anyone wants to see that baby born in jail, now do they?”

JESUS, that’s low, Rumple.

Gold is v. convincing actor, though. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think he was sincere.

S/O to Rumple for having the best entrance of the night and S/O to Robert Carlyle for striking the right balance between campy and sinister in what could have been a volatile, disaster of a character in anyone else’s hands.

“Your firstborn.” And this, dear Cinderella, is why you always read contracts before you sign them.

Also, Charming and Snow looked amazing at this ball. Especially loved that purple on Ginny.

Traumatic Once birth #2! Boy, this show sure loves to torture pregnant women.

Emma: [talking about being ready to have a child] “Are you sure? Because I wasn’t.” 

And then the camera gives us Henry’s reaction. I think this expression corresponds to surprise and maybe even a little bit of hurt. Henry had been so sure that after finding Emma, she’d unequivocally want him, that she’d immediately be ready to take on the role of motherhood... but the dialogue in this episode has underscored just the exact opposite. Emma is not ready to claim that title just yet.

And that’s okay.

Because this show dramatically isn’t about conforming to what others want you to be.

It’s about becoming who you are meant to be.

Give her some time, Henry. It’ll all work out.

And in the meantime, you should totes take a step back and realize that there is someone out there who wants to be your mother, but that won’t happen for a v. long time, and now I’m emotional again.

LOOK AT RUMPLE READING THAT CONTRACT LIKE A GOOD BUSINESSPERSON. Cinderella, take notes.

Oh, jeez, Ella. He obviously knows you’re about to put his scaly derrière in jail. Don’t make him sign it.

On a related note, Once’s version of Cinderella is very (purposefully) impulsive.

Y’know, now that I think about it, I think Rumple had to sign the contract. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to learn Emma’s name, nor would he have been able to extort a promise from Regina had she or the Charmings not been able to locate him so readily. Rumple’s always a step ahead of the game.

“You’re the savior. You can do whatever you want. You can go.” And then Henry lowers his head.

So Emma’s conversation with Ashley did affect him in the way I thought it did.

Also, I want to hand it to Jared for having really nice instincts here. His inflection is that of a person putting a challenging puzzle together for the first time. Henry is realizing—in real time—that Emma may not be a permanent fixture in his life.

“You didn’t enjoy your time in the system, did you, Emma?”

OH, MY GOD, RUMPLE.

Rumple and Emma have a delicious chemistry—all thinly veiled threats and suggestively raised eyebrows. 

He left his shoe on the stair. Hmmm, I wonder which fairytale that could ever be from? 🤔

P.S. The soft version of the Evil Queen theme playing in the background is effectively tense here. 

She’s creating roots. :’)

And that’s it for “The Price of Gold”!

[mythicamagic]

Can you explain your reasons for those songs? I think it would be a nice analysis from you and would be v interesting!

Aww thanks! Well, this will again be opinion and interpretation based. No one can tell you what a song means to you, so these songs are just how I personally see them ^^

Warning: This will be very disjointed and ranty in places, I don’t know how much of an analysis you can get from this but I hope you enjoy~ 

Shuu - Do I wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

- This song is slow and has a sensual vibe to it, but beyond that, I somewhat feel like there’s a darker tone underlying it. 

Lyrics like these: ‘Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow, And I play it on repeat until I fall asleep… ‘

- remind me of Shuyui, and in particular, Shuu’s brand of manipulation. Both he and the song lull the listener into a complacent state because of how lazy sounding they are. But the creeping, building vibe of the instrumentation, combined with the singer has menacing undertones behind it’s lethargy, making it perfect for Shuu.

Read more under cut~

Reiji - Arsonist’s lullaby by Hozier or I’ll be Good by Jaymes Young (this one is if Reiji has been redeemed through his development)

Arsonist’s lullaby is like a parallel to when Reiji was a child and burned down Edgar’s village. The song shows different stages of the life of a pyromaniac, childhood, adolescence, adulthood. The first part of the child segment reminds me of child Reiji, in that it describes him hearing voices that he can’t reach or respond to (in the song it could mean he’s schizophrenic, but for Reiji it could mean hearing Beatrix and Shuu who simply won’t hear or ‘see’ him)

The lyrics ‘All you have is your fire. And the place you need to reach’ represent Reiji’s inherent nature to strive for knowledge and acknowledgement. His fire is his intelligence and ruthless set of principles that he expects everyone including himself to adhere to. Reiji is always trying to prove himself, just not in the ‘louder’ way Ayato seeks attention.

The Jaymes Young song is just what it says above, Reiji’s possible redemption through Yui, and his acknowledgement of past misdeeds. Reiji canonically confirms that he burned down Edgar’s village but he does not gloat about it, he simply says he was ‘a child at the time.’ While this doesn’t excuse his actions, it does show that Reiji possibly regrets how he went about his feelings of pent up bitterness towards Shuu.

Ayato - Glory and Gore by Lorde, or Underdog by Kasabian

Glory and Gore is exactly what it sounds like. It has a Gladiator theme and overall links to Ayato in how it’s centred around chaos, and seems to hate the higher ups- the needlessly wealthy who create rules. ‘Dropping glasses just to hear them break’ perfectly describes Ayato to me. He’s been stifled by the royal lifestyle all his life, so the wine glasses are a perfect symbol of excess wealth. 

The royal buy things simply for the sake of doing so. Ayato can break things simply because he wants to. Anything material can be replaced easily, so he’s has never learned a sense of responsibility and actively hates the laws set in place by the rich because of his oppressive, abusive mother.

Underdog is exactly the same, with lyrics like:

‘It don’t matterI won’t do what you sayYou’ve got the money and the powerI won’t go your wayI can’t take for the peopleThey don’t matter at allAnd I’ll be waiting in the shadows‘Til the day that you fall’

Kanato - Blue by Birthday Massacre 

A very yandere sounding song. It talks about the expectation of waiting for someone in a very light, pleasant sounding tone, which reminds me of nicer Kanato, when he’s calm. And then suddenly the tone of the song shifts into a dark voice, showing Kanato’s wrathful side.

Laito - The Hills by The Weeknd

This one might seem a little strange at first glance, but essentially to me, the song is about a secret relationship and booty call. It parallels Laito’s overabundance of pleasure, to the point that he’s become jaded by it.

‘I only call you when it’s half past fiveThe only time that I’ll be by your sideI only love it when you touch me, not feel me’ - shows Laito’s desire for the physical and not to connect emotionally with his lover. He remains in control through sex.‘When I’m fucked up, that’s the real meWhen I’m fucked up, that’s the real me, yeah’

Subaru - Take me to Church by Hozier

Again, this might seem odd. Basically, if you think of these lyrics:

‘The only heaven I’ll be sent toIs when I’m alone with youI was born sick, but I love itCommand me to be well’

- As Subaru thinking the sickness is something he tells himself, and not an outward oppressive force like in the actual song, then it makes sense. Subaru thinks of himself as a monster, so the woman the singer describes would be Yui. She is his catharsis, the 'giggle’ at the funeral, which is his incredibly depressing life.Subaru’s 'sickness’ to him, is that he was born from incest and rape, so the church in this song would be his own thoughts and paranoia. I’m sure servants probably talked about the circumstances behind his birth in the castle and that’s how he found out about it in the first place. The forces working against Subaru could even be his Mother, which tells him often that they’re both unclean monsters, or his father.

'There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin’ - This line sums up Subayui to me.

Ruki - Control by Hasley

Most people think of Ruki as the guy who always has it together, as some sort of Master manipulator. His true self however, is very prone to stress. He’s extremely intelligent yes, but he can get overwhelmed by this stress. This song is questioning Ruki’s control. It reminds me of Ruki as a child, and also him at his darkest point, teetering on becoming a yandere like in his Manservant MB end. 

These lyrics:'They send me away to find them a fortuneA chest filled with diamonds and gold’ - would be talking about the Mukami’s relying heavily on Ruki’s command. They look to him for guidance and to provide the means to survive. It can also mean Karl, who expects him to find and awaken 'Adam’ and Eve’ who are rare treasures.

These lyrics:'And all the kids cried out, “Please stop, you’re scaring me”I can’t help this awful energyGod damn right, you should be scared of meWho is in control?’Are like the orphans or Masters at the hated orphanage, or even Yui seeing Ruki’s true nature, and Ruki imagines himself above them by reassuring them that they should be afraid. Even as a child, he was a sadist.

Kou - Gasoline by Hasley

'Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?’ This song is friggin Kou. He ripped out his eye as a child to try and be less beautiful and appealing to the aristocrats who adored and abused him. This action only makes them love him more however, because of his beautiful 'imperfection.’This whole song is about being jaded by fame and having a high self destruction drive because you’ve been forced to crowd please when you don’t want to. Your true self is something the celebrities would shy away from, because your soul is broken and twisted after reshaping yourself over and over again to please people.

Yuma - Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

A song about regret and not being strong enough. It’s basically a good way of seeing Yuma deal with his survivors guilt. He’s a very brash and strong character but in the end, his strength was not enough to save his friends.

'You’ll never be what is in your heartWeep Little Lion ManYou’re not as brave as you were at the start’

- This refers to when Yuma was a child and was in a street gang, taking on harsh challenges daily and being brave. Comparing him to a 'little lion man’ is like saying Yuma as an adult is outwardly fierce like a lion but his past guilt turns him into a child or helpless figure. When Yuma can’t protect what is important to him, he falls apart, because his identity is linked with his physical strength. If that fails him, then he’s just the little boy who watched his friends get gunned down. You could even take it as him talking to Yui after he’s ruined things with this line -

‘But it was not your fault but mineAnd it was your heart on the lineI really fucked it up this timeDidn’t I, my dear?’

Azusa -  Hurt Me by Lapsley

‘So if you’re gonna hurt meWhy don’t you hurt me a little bit more?Just dig a little deeperPush a little harder than before’

This song is Azusa, to me. Particularly lyrics like these - 

'Buildin’ up my walls just to tear them downTell me that it’s love, force me to drown’

Azusa is constantly looking for acknowledgement and love but because of his childhood bullies, his mind has been twisted to believe that giving and receiving pain is love. The song is basically Azusa imploring Yui (the listener) to hurt him more, because that way he truly receives her feelings.

Kino - The Stupid, the Proud by IAMX

This one is a little complicated, and has to do with how I perceive Kino. Basically I always thought of him as this ‘chess master’ character who watches the board game if you will. He watches all the other characters fight and scrap among themselves over Yui, while he himself hangs back and plans. This song is basically him describing the other characters struggles, while also talking to Yui. He has a jaded wisdom about everything.

'God is deadWe get to sleep tonight’- This line is like he’s talking about Karl Heinz, once he dies. Kino is very power hungry and wants control of everything, to be in the same position as Karl.

'Exalt yourselfDo it to stay alive’and'Hunt down your futureAnd everything you know is not enough to survive’ - are like he’s directly talking to Yui.

Shin - The Wolf by Fever Ray

This song sounds both like a tribal war song and a ritual. Since the Tsukinamis are much older than the other characters, I feel like they have more of a tie to ancient rites and nature. This song has a lot of ties to wolves and kidnapping, but it also sounds tense and hungry. It’s unusual and chaotic, which I think fits Shin.

Carla - Feral Love by Chelsea Wolfe

This song to me, feels like a companion piece to Shin’s, which is fitting. Unlike 'The Wolf’ which sounds like a group or pack of people holding a ritual, Feral Love is very singular and isolated. It’s about a lone hunter vs prey, and the beat of the music is very cold and calculated. 

'Your eyes, black like an animal’ - can refer to someone with no feelings. While Carla does have feelings, he’s very goal orientated and knows what to prioritise.'And care for no one, but the offspring of your might’ - refers to Carla only wanting Yui for her body. He only wants offspring from her.

Yui - Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood and Undenied by Portishead (for when she has feelings for one of the boys)

Not enough people talk about how Yui must feel, being abandoned by her father. It wasn’t even her estranged father, no, this guy raised her. Imagine loving your parent figure, only to hear that they might be involved with your being held captive and abused. ‘Daddy Issues’ basically has her crying over that. Despite how much she tries to stay positive, this betrayal would be a massive punch in the gut for anyone to experience. 

In some routes, she does try to stay loyal to the memory of her father, believing her staying with Sakamaki’s must be mistake. However, in some like Azusa’s, she meets her father again and has all her fears confirmed. Her father even tries to shoot her.

Undenied is basically Yui having a crisis of self because she’s fallen for one of the boys despite what they do to her.

Mukami brothers - Getting Nowhere by Magnetic Man

Talks about facing a struggle. If we think of it like the Mukami’s struggling for freedom or to please Karl Heinz, then it makes sense. They’ve been shoved in the dirt so often as children that being given such a large responsibility like finding Adam and Eve by a 'higher power’ makes them feel important.

Sakamaki brothers - Ready Aim Fire! by Imagine Dragons

'Off in the distance, there is resistanceBubbling up and festering’ - Basically shows how, contrary to the Mukami’s, the Sakamaki’s dislike being under the higher power’s thumb and control. They’re resistant to any rules set in place by their father or authority figures because of their childhoods.

'How come I’ve never seen your face around here?I know every single face around here’ - refers to Yui arriving.

[justjessame]

Babysitting Butcher Chapter 51

MM had nothing uplifting to tell me, not that he wasn't doing his damndest to find another site where Vought could be pumping the less than fully sane with Compound V to test the likelihood of it doing who knew what on those the world would rather forget. He sounded as light on patience as I was, and I told him to remember self care and the importance of taking care of himself in the madness of the course of our duties.

"Don't worry about me, Ronnie," he promised me he was taking more than enough time to smell the roses, or in his case take his little girl to appreciate the offerings at Baskin Robbins. "We have a standing date, and I do my best to not miss it."

"Good man," I was smiling through the burdens our lack of answers seemed to grow, but knowing that our team was taking the care to keep sane was at least something. "We'll have to work out a monthly get together as a group, maybe -" I was thinking of my added visits with Ryan, weekly as of now, but if Billy's intel showed it necessary and if my own digging proved my worries correct that schedule would grow. "We'll see."

"Hey," I blinked, brought back to the conversation at hand with the phone in my hand and MM in my ear. "Look, you just got back in the saddle, Ronnie." I nodded, but sighed. "Don't think you're gonna have all the answers all at once. Vought is the damndest group of conspiracy shit that I've ever seen, my pops even knew that -" I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what he meant, having dug through his past as well as Billy's and the others. "Rome wasn't built in a day, and Vought won't tumble in one."

"Wise words, MM." I grinned, my eyes landing on the monstrosity of the tower that I normally wouldn't notice outside the bank of windows that made up one wall of my office. "I have to wonder though, if it will ever 'all fall down'."

Mallory agreed to lunch, in the office after I told her it was of a sensitive nature. She surprised me by actually bringing it with her, however. "I thought I'd cut out the middle man, as it were," she said, juggling the bags and drink carrier. I rushed to help her and together we set it up on Billy's desk, still the clearer of the two.

Once our meals were divided up, drinks and chairs situated, I told her the reason I'd asked to see her face to face. "I asked Billy if I could meet Ryan." She nodded around her bite of salad and I went on. "What do you know about his current living arrangement, Grace?"

She chewed carefully as she considered my question, then after swallowing and taking a sip from her drink she answered as I'd expected. "All I really could do, Ronnie, was start the process. You know the majority of my pull is reputation based." That's what the paperwork showed, but I had to make sure. "I sent it up the ladder, a request, that's all I could do."

I'd started eating while she explained, so it was my turn to chew and swallow. "The problem is that I'm not sure who took over after you took that first step." She was squinting in confusion. "I can trace your request. Hell, I can even trace the request that Homelander made to find out Ryan's location." She stared at me in confusion. "It happened the same day you came to tell us about Adana." A nod and I went on. "I put off or pushed away worries about Ryan because honestly I assumed out of sight out of mind was the best way to go with him." Pushing away my own lunch I sat back. "Then my own troubles with his darling sperm donor started and I guess I started thinking about him more often, and it started to nudge me, this worry. Until it was a nagging irritation."

"You asked Billy if you could meet him and he agreed?" She seemed surprised and I smiled. "He really would hand you the world if you asked." I shook my head, I highly doubted that. "What happened when you went to meet him?"

I told her about the area they were keeping him in, the neighborhood that had no neighbors, the tutors instead of school. "He's not being socialized. The guardians are guards, from what I can tell only one is an agent, and her identity is only known from the time she joined up, before that I can't find a single mention of her. The man? Nothing." I groaned. "I haven't a clue of what the tutors are teaching him or what he's being given in the way of nurturing at all. All I know for certain is that he has three chips in him and all are transmitting."

"Three chips?" Now she truly looked confused. "Why would he have any chips?" I stared at her. "Vought had him in a controlled community from the moment of his birth, Ronnie. Why chip a subject you never intend to allow out of your sight? We had no reason to chip him because, honestly, he's a child who has only ONE known enemy and he's a VERY noticeable one. As for the third chip, who would do it?"

"I guessed Stormfront." She waited for me to explain my reasonings and when I did she was shaking her head. "I thought with her background, Ryan would be the epitome of the perfect specimen."

"It doesn't make sense." Grace leaned forward, her lunch as forgotten as mine. "The same reasoning as Vought's. Why chip what you don't intend to allow out of your control? Stormfront had the same over confident belief in herself that they did in their control of him and Becca. Why chip what you don't intend to lose?" I started to point out my own chips, but she held up a hand. "You were different. You're a loose end, Ronnie. No one controls you. They had to chip you to make sure they knew where you were in case you went supernova and exploded. That way they control the narrative. Ryan? He's a child. Minors that young don't just run off, not when they are under control of an adult dependent on the kindness of the company like Becca was, or Homelander and Stormfront." She was making sense and it pissed me off because it left another puzzle unanswered. "These chips make no sense. Not when you really think about them."

Knowing that Grace simply asked for Ryan to be given protective custody, but then left it up to those who took care of that particular designation within the agency wasn't super helpful, but it did cross her off the list of those who could answer more in depth questions about Ryan's current living situation. Her theory about the chips, on the other hand, gave me more questions than answers.

I was going over Davos' short file of service in the agency, trying to see if there was any way that I could finagle her identity through some channel that I hadn't found before, when Billy came back. It was later than I thought, the sun starting to hint at the end of the day, and he looked grim.

"Do we want to talk about it now, or do we want to go pick out our boy from Mom's and hear whether or not they're no longer allowed in the toy stores in the tri-state area?" His lips quirked and he let out a long breath.

"Let's do it on the way," I slipped on my shoes and he held open my jacket for me. His arms wrapped around me and I felt how tense he was, how it released slightly as his body came into contact with mine. "God I missed you."

"Same," I sighed. As we locked up, saying goodnight to the worker bees finishing up and the janitorial staff just starting their shifts, our fingers linked and we both felt that at least we were together again, and we could shift through what we'd come across while we'd been working apart.

Mom and Terror hadn't been banned for life from any of the toy stores. From the sight of how many new acquisitions they'd purchased, I had a feeling I knew why. Terror was bright eyed and drooly, and he rushed over to Billy like he couldn't believe the luck he had in moving back in with him and ending up with this crazy old broad as his daycare provider. I mean, can you imagine being a horny dog and having a babysitter who ended up making sure you never had to hump the same stuffy twice in one afternoon? Life was sweet for the little sweetheart.

Hugging my dad, who was trying desperately not to mock my mom, or laugh his ass off at the insanity, I apologized for making her crazy. "I'm not sure this is your fault, Veronica." He shook his head, trying to hold back on what was clearly laughter to end all laughter. "Maybe we should have let you have a puppy when you wanted one back when you were little." He turned a laugh into a cough and I held mine in until I swore I cracked a rib. Jesus.

We didn't talk about the drones, or Frenchie and Kimiko's help during the 'mission'. Not during the ride to pick up Terror, or during the final leg to our house. Instead we simply enjoyed the lightness of being near one another. The ease it brought to both of us, letting us unwind from what was clearly a stressful day for both of us.

He parked and let Terror chase the fireflies while I got the house opened up and dinner started. We ate in the kitchen, laughing at Terror as he gobbled down his own kibble, rushed outside and did more business, then ran upstairs to his less than posh bed and started snoring.

"I think his daycare tires him out," I offered as I took another bite of my own food. "He might need a break from Mom's house."

Billy snorted, taking a drink from his beer and shaking his head. "I think we'd have a tantrum to end all tantrums if we try to keep the two of em apart." He took a bite and sighed. We couldn't keep work and our debriefing at bay forever. We both knew that. "Want to go first?"

"No, but I will." I smirked. "MM hasn't found anything that remotely resembles what Stormfront did with Sage Grove. Doesn't mean there aren't others, just that he hasn't found one yet." He nodded, thinking about what I was saying as he ate through his dinner and drank through his beer. "Then Grace and I had lunch. She confirmed that aside from asking for protective custody and putting him in the car and handing him off, that's all she did for Ryan's protection."

"Kind of thought so," he sat back and groaned. "Not like she's got that much pull, even if we wish she did." He shook his head. "So she's got no idea about those cunts watchin' him?"

"None," I pushed my empty plate forward. "And worse yet, she doesn't think I'm right about the chips. None of them."

"What do ya mean?" He set his bottle down from where he'd been about to take a pull.

"Her theory is this: why would Vought chip a child that they never intended to let out of their sight? And why would WE chip him for the same reason? Then with my theory about Stormcunt, she asked the same question. And I have to admit, I didn't consider it from that angle."

"But if Vought didn't, and WE didn't, and the cunt didn't -" he stared at me and I sighed louder. "Fuck me, Ronnie. And I thought my day was bad."

"How bad?" I gathered our dishes and loaded the dishwasher, then refilled my glass and got him another beer. When I got back to the table, he reached out and grabbed me, pulling me onto his lap instead of letting me sit on my own chair. "I do prefer this seat." He rubbed his face against my neck, moaning at the scent and feel of my skin.

"Me too," he murmured, kissing me under my earlobe. "Let's see, we got the drones up, after we managed to find cover about half a town over in a park." He groaned. "Between me, Frenchie, AND Kimiko, we manned them and took some usable footage. Got Frenchie editing it so we can work it up to actually show you it." I nodded so he would continue. "Tutors are a man and woman, just like his guards. They go in, but they 'teach' in an interior room. No windows, doors closed." Fuck. "The guards have the tellie on half the time, but it ain't on nothing too traumatizing. Soaps, news, whatever strikes their fancy at the moment." Right, great. "From what we could tell, there are other residents in the neighborhood, but they don't go anywhere. No cars in the driveways, no mailman. It's the weirdest shit I've ever seen."

"Do you think you got a good shot of the tutors for facial recognition?" His hum told me he thought so, but his fingers were busy pulling my shirt free from my slacks. "Are you back to distractions, Mr. Butcher?"

"Think we both deserve a reward, Doc, don't you?" His mouth started to tempt me by teasing against my neck. "Unless you want to debrief more?"

"Oh, I think a gold star is a better idea," I was laughing as he scooped me into his arms, gesturing for me to grab our drinks, as he took me back out to our hanging bed outside.

"Terror snores so damn loud he throws me off my rhythm." He growled before I could ask why we were leaving the comfort of our house. And as I giggled, our clothing hit the porch floor, the lightning bugs were flickering around us, and Billy gave me a few dozen sparkling gold stars and I was sure to give him a couple of his own.