#Uzumaki OC | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tired-reader-writer · 5 days ago

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About two of Hashirama and Mito's children, and their daughter-in-law

(this post was supposed to have drawings of these three OCs accompanying their segments but I.... could not find the energy to draw, like, seeing a pretty cloud a couple days ago made me suicidal for some reason so you could imagine how unwell I was, hahaaaaa 😭 I think I'm feeling better today, and I did start on Kazuma's piece at least, so maybe I'll edit the pictures in when they're done, maybe I'll make a separate post, who knows)

But before we get to the actual OCs, the first order of business is ESTABLISHING AU CONTEXT.

So in this AU, shinobi are part of the burakumin caste, aka an underclass regarded as “impure” and “untouchable” due to their dealings with death, and they are kept under control via things such as poaching laws, being banned from owning land, being barred from pursuing higher education, etc, and are utterly reliant on mission money and wars to survive. There were some exceptions, which I won't get into here, but the Uzumaki were part of said exceptions— enjoying a fair bit of autonomy due to their island being difficult to get to. They were partially pirates who menaced anyone who wished to traverse the Fuchi sea, aka the sea between the Continent and the Kiri archipelago.

The island, Uzunoshima, went without a Daimyo to oversee it, instead being led solely by the matriarch of the Uzumaki clan. They are matriarchal in this AU. When the Founders sought to change things, improve the world for shinobi, they turned their gaze to Uzunoshima, in hopes that it would become a strong support for Konohagakure when the latter would negotiate for better and better terms, such as raising the graduation age for shinobi, pushing for shinobi to be able to pursue other careers, for them to be able to own land, and so on— The Uzumaki and the Senju in this AU shared a close bond, and they had hoped it would be a foundation for a long-standing alliance between Uzunoshima and Konohagakure. There was, however, a catch. Uzunoshima would adopt the Continent's way: install a Daimyo, create a Hidden Village, and follow the system that the Founders had designed. A granddaughter of the current clan head (Uzumaki Haine, Mito's niece) was chosen to become the Daimyo, and she would wed a son from the court of Hi no Kuni to signify an alliance. And so Uzunoshima became Uzushiogakure.

However, things went south pretty fast.

Hashirama and Tobirama both died in quick succession during the First Shinobi World War, leaving behind a successor who did not pick up where the Founders had intended— you see, Tobirama picked a successor in the middle of a battle, and because the choice was made without the oversight and approval of the Hi no Kuni court, the nobles are rather unhappy, and so to preserve the Hidden Village, Sarutobi Hiruzen bent over backwards to appease them, leading to the deterioration of the system that got to the point where young genin were sent to war, and where mere six-year-olds could become genin.

The political/worldbuilding context of this AU taken directly from this previous post of mine because I was too lazy to type it all out again and the character stuff won't make sense without this context.

Now with that out of the way, we can get into the actual OCs!

Senju Ochiba

Ochiba (落葉) meaning falling/fallen leaves— chosen for the imagery of decline and loss, while also both reflecting and undermining Konoha. I don't remember when they came up with the name Konohagakure, I just thought it sounded like a name that Hashirama and Mito might like to give to their child, reflective of their dream of peace and the village thing but also associations with the forest. Ochiba also rebels against Konoha eventually with a push from one of her nieces, thus “falling leaves” could represent the downfall of Konoha and the Hidden Village system as a whole.

Ochiba is the firstborn child of Hashirama and Mito, born approximately (???) years before the foundation of Konoha. She doesn't really speak much, and always has a tired look on her face. She was initially passed over for succession because Hashirama appointed Tobirama as his heir— it does happen occasionally, and Hashirama has some complicated feelings about the concept of family and clan (due to Butsuma, thanks babygirl) which he avoids by basically Not Thinking About It, and he simply doesn't see his children the way he sees his fellow Founders, and also I kinda associate Tobirama with a prince from our history, Prince Kanaung, who was supposed to be the heir to the throne instead of the king's sons which made them assassinate him but Ochiba harbors no such feelings towards her uncle ANYWAYS THIS WAS A DETOUR— which served to make her feel invisible and neglected in her father's eyes, but she was content to support her parents and uncle and gain experience that way. On top of the neglect though, she also has inferiority issues because she was essentially living in the shadows of her parents, especially Hashirama who caught people's attention due to the Mokuton. Also because she remarkably looks like him, at least where coloring is concerned. (She inherited Mito's features but Hashirama's coloring, which is in contrast to one of her younger brothers who inherited Hashirama's features but with Mito's coloring.) Due to these reasons, she was actually afraid of becoming clan head, as she knew she could never compare to her parents and uncle, and being measured up against them makes her feel small and inadequate, and so she wishes to be far from the spotlight. Tobirama being appointed heir was an out that she was willing to take.

However.

HOWEVER.

Shortly following the foundation of Konoha and the establishment of the Hidden Village system, the First Shinobi World War broke out and her father and uncle died in EXTREMELY QUICK SUCCESSION (they were likely targeted, nobles feeling threatened by them since they successfully cornered the nobles once to establish the system and the nobles were afraid of them daring to ask for more— and so they sought to eradicate such “treasonous seeds”) and Ochiba was suddenly saddled with the responsibility of leading her clan in a tumultuous time, young and unready because she thought her family would live long, long lives— hell, they seemed amazing and nigh invincible to her! She did not think they would die. She did not think they would die so soon.

People from her clan would also get targeted during wartime due to their association to those “treasonous seeds” and also for the potential of Mokuton— the world was simultaneously afraid of another Hashirama emerging from the Senju and coveting the Mokuton for themselves. Hiruzen… did nothing to mitigate the deaths because he was desperate to please the nobility, and the nobility themselves felt threatened by what they saw as extensions of the Founders. Hiruzen and his Council abandoned the plans and projects the Founders had laid out as well, even making things deteriorate to the point six-year-olds were allowed to be acknowledged as shinobi. Ochiba felt that she ought to try to keep her father's dream alive, and protect the clan in his stead, but her concerns fell to unwilling ears, and she was shut off the same way Mito slowly lost her freedom in the village. I haven't decided what Mito's life would become in Konoha as time went on— if she would be forced to separate from the Senju or not as the Council would be afraid of them colluding together or Mito influencing them as the last surviving Founder who's still in the village— but I imagine it would be nothing good. The question is how severe the bad situation would be for mother and daughter.

In any case, though, Ochiba would feel powerless— she knew she could never measure up to the people she looks up to but she didn't think it would be this bad. That she would be so… inept. She couldn't protect her mother, her people, even her niece Tsunade as Tsunade's father married out the clan (such marriages were being encouraged at the time because Hashirama had wanted the clans to loosen up) and she wasn't allowed to take Tsunade in (just as Tsunade would later be refused custody of Shizune to which her response was to nab the girl and ditch the village— she'd had enough) and her niece is only six and she's already being made into a genin—

Both of her brothers left her behind. Both of them married out of the clan, and while Tsunade's unnamed father still stayed in the village… the youngest one did not. He married into the Uzumaki clan. Hashirama and Tobirama had each other and Touka to support them. Ochiba… had no one. She felt lost, weak. And despite her best efforts the clan continued to decline and she's watching Tsunade from afar and… eventually she just lost hope. Just going through the motions and being resigned to the terrible situation because she sees no way out. She's so… exhausted. With everything. She wishes she weren't her parents' daughter, thinks her being born to them surely must have been a mistake because she was not meant for this.

(Eventually, though, her other niece makes it into Konoha and things take a sharp turn because the niece, Hoshiori, convinces her to take action again, and eventually she, Hoshiori, the latter's gaggle of students, the Hatake, maybe a number of the Uchiha, and what remains of the Senju would up and leave Konoha. The specifics of it… I may or may not talk about in another post, or save for the fic itself, but… yeah!)

(Senju) Kazuma

Kazuma: 和守, 和 meaning “harmony, peace, concord, sum/add” and 守 meaning “protect, defend, obey, guardian”, together it can mean something like “to protect peace”. It just sounded like something Hashirama and Mito would name their child. (the “Senju” is in parentheses because he married out the clan and I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted him to keep his surname)

A couple years younger than Ochiba and the youngest of three children, Kazuma has a lighter demeanor, a little “jolly” like his father though he has his own fair share of issues with his father. He harbors the same feelings of being neglected as Ochiba, and it manifests in him trying to get away, so to speak. He grew up yearning for his mother's homeland, chasing any scrap of Uzunoshima (later known as Uzushiogakure) he could get his hands on from his mother and anyone in the clan who married in from the Uzumaki and such— and in his teenage years, he falls in love with an Uzumaki girl, an apprentice miko (the Uzumaki don't regard themselves as shinobi and enjoy a significant amount of autonomy due to geographical protection coupled with their might, there's not as much of a cultural divide between civilian and shinobi as there tends to be on the Continent, there is only The Uzumaki™), and after dating for a while he decides to marry into her household as the Uzumaki are matriarchal, though exceptions happen sometimes where the occasional Uzumaki women marry into the Senju. He does so for love, but also a desire to get away from the mainland, and all the fighting, all the expectations placed upon him— I'm sure his father wanted him there to support the dream of peace, but Kazuma, rather than hedge his bets on a dream he only half-believes (and even if the Hidden Villages were established, it will be a good while before shinobi are free from the many confines that restrict them) whereas on the island Uzunoshima he and any child he sires will outright have the option to choose.

Things don't go as he hoped, however.

Shortly after the establishment of Konohagakure, Tobirama and Mito are sent to Uzunoshima as envoys to convince the Uzumaki matriarch into adhering to the system the Founders devised, the Hidden Village system, and Uzunoshima would finally have a Daimyo.

Which would have been fine, if the Founders didn't drop dead shortly thereafter and Kazuma's mother got severely restricted, and due to politics and “marketing”, his daughter Hoshiori would be forced into becoming a shinobi anyways.

Like, can you imagine? You go away into one of the FEW safe spots where your future child would not immediately be shoe-horned into an untouchable caste and be shadowed over by their grandparents' reputation, and your uncle who helped you get here comes like three years later and— the reforms he left behind made this place hostile to your hopes and your child! Unless he was willing to take his family to be nukenin— which is wildly unsafe considering they'd be without support and protection and nukenin generally don't survive long in those days— his child is basically doomed! It'd be one thing if said child was actually suited to being a shinobi, but she isn't! She always chickens out of delivering blows during spars in her Academy days because she's too gentle for her own good! And he and his wife weren't allowed to pull her out of the Academy despite the fact that they should be able to because following the reforms and segregations, Tsurue is still considered a “civilian” and as the head of the household their daughter's fate should be on her say! But it wasn't. And he watches, helpless, as his daughter descends into a depression and becomes increasingly detached and distanced from the world around her.

Things finally snap when it's time to pick Mito's successor as the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki. Kushina, a young girl tutored in fuuinjutsu by Kazuma's daughter, gets picked. The adults around her are not happy and they won't tell Kushina anything so the girl runs crying to Hoshiori and Hoshiori decides to try and take Kushina's place for a number of complicated personal reasons and…

It's just. It's a representation of the entitlement the Hi no Kuni court and by extension Konoha holds towards Uzushio, the latter essentially becoming something of a satellite state of Hi no Kuni, that the mainlander “allies” can just demand reforms and what is basically a human sacrifice from Uzushio. Kazuma's not the only one unhappy with this. Tension and discontent have been rising from a substantial portion of the Uzumaki populace towards the mainlanders, and especially towards their Daimyo's consort who is from the mainland. Despite their complicated feelings towards the Founders because they were the ones who kicked down the first domino, many are at large sympathetic towards them and regards their successor and the mainland nobility as the corrupting forces that must be purged. After Hoshiori accompanies Kushina to Konohagakure in hopes of convincing the Council to let her be the jinchuuriki instead and send Kushina home, rebellious fires are stoked in her name, probably spearheaded by the shrine she was raised in and especially her parents. Surrounding countries caught wind of this, and fearing that the rebel faction might actually succeed in deposing the Daimyo, and that other clans might get similar ideas or the Uzumaki might try to recruit others, a swift response was made— Kirigakure and Kumogakure allied to wipe out the Uzumaki out of fear. Such eradications were not unheard of during the Warring States Era as well— rebellious clans usually gained a bounty on their heads pretty quick and… eradications pay well. With Uzushio's forces fractured and feuding against each other, the lack of aid from Hi no Kuni and Konohagakure because they too felt threatened by the Uzumaki's rebel movement, Uzushio fell.

Kazuma would not survive it.

Uzumaki Tsurue

Tsurue: 鶴衣, 鶴 meaning “crane” and 衣 meaning “clothing, garment”, and so her name is a reference to The Crane Wife folktale, because she is a weaver. The miko in the shrine weave special cloth to honor the gods for a festival of theirs, and Uzunoshima's culture in general is very crafts-focused as they find ways to incorporate chakra into stuff like, say, threads and cloth!

Tsurue is a miko, not part of the “core” of the Uzumaki clan as she is not descended from a clan head (well, she may have had some distant ancestor who was from the main house, but it'd be pretty distant) and so is not part of the line of succession. She is, nonetheless, the head of her own household. (I did this mainly because I was so tired of fics where the bloodline and pedigree of the focal character or the OC is given wayyyyy too much weight and it was starting to feel uncomfortably classist in some regards and Hoshiori's storyline involves her becoming a ruler and it would feel pretty reductive to say “she was directly descended from amazing people so that's why she's special!” and. No. She isn't a chosen one, she upped and chose herself and we'll also see that Tsurue leads a rebel movement without any blood pedigree qualification and ANYWAYS I'm getting side-tracked back to the main topic)

Tsurue is talented— as in, absolutely pigheadedly devoted to her craft of weaving rather than necessarily picking things up easily— and is pretty assured in her identity and place in the world unlike the previous two. As a miko, she regularly took part in ceremonies and rituals, doing the kagura dance on the sea, footsteps in rhythm with the living waves, donning an ayakashi mask (I would ramble about Uzushio's religion and their relationship with the Shinigami buuuuut I'm just gonna direct you to this post aka the author's note to what is currently the only chapter that is published) (the chapter does go in detail about it, if you might wanna check it out), so while she isn't a combatant, she still is very much in tune with her own chakra and the chakra in the world around her because the rituals and the weaving and the fuuinjutsu and her role as a miko necessitates that she be able to do that. And although, traditionally, Shinto shrines were not places of learning and education in general, Uzunoshima is a little different so that I could make it a thing where people send their kids to learn from the miko, who would tutor them in fuuinjutsu. Tsurue was no different, and in Uzunoshima's fuuinjutsu ranking exams, by the time of the prologue Tsurue is at rokudan (rank 6 out of 10, 10 being the highest). There would be at least ten years between the time frame that piece of information was mentioned in the prologue and the chapter after that, so surely she would grow even more.

Tsurue, though she wasn't part of the line of succession, did grow up in relative proximity to it as her best friend, Uzumaki Haine, was a granddaughter of the clan head. They were very close to one another, and Haine… would catch feelings for Tsurue further down the line.

And that's where the complications start.

The issue is not that Tsurue is already married. In Uzumaki culture, it is permissible for women to have multiple partners, be they men or women, and two women marrying each other counts as joining two households. This is what the prologue had to say about it:

“It is not the bride that joins a household in the Whirlpool Isle, but the groom instead. It is why Kazuma, his nephew, could exit Konoha with his marriage, though not without his brother's approval, for which Tobirama helped obtain.

Despite that, though, matches such as his brother and sister-in-law's are not unheard of. The Senju and Uzumaki share the same roots, both born of the sea, and even as the Senju broke away to leave the ocean's cradle they still nurtured close ties between them.

[...]

And though two women may formally join their households for love, and raise their children together as though they washed ashore from the same waters, that is, born from the same womb, the same cannot be said for men— even though there lies a bond-oath not too dissimilar to the one women may swear, unite two households into one it does not.”

No, the problem was something else entirely. For you see, Haine was picked to become the first Daimyo of Uzunoshima, as giving that role to a total outsider would have spelled problems as the Uzumaki, strong-headed as they were, would not have accepted that outsider as their ruler. So it had to be an Uzumaki, someone from the line of succession who nonetheless was not the current heir. And so Haine went. But she had to marry a son of the Hi no Kuni Daimyo to solidify the “alliance”. The Founders intended it as such, but alas things devolved really fast as you know. Have these snippets from the prologue for funsies:

“Kiho-sama will likely pick one of her granddaughters to be Daimyo, to be equal to the mainland's lords. The marriage between her and the import groom from Hi no Kuni would tie the two nations together.”

“The island must have a Daimyo, he said, and so a woman of the main line was selected to wed lord Kokuen who was the Fire Daimyo's son. They broke off and formed the house Kaiten, for they were not permitted the Uzumaki name.”

Tsurue knows trouble when she sees it. She knows that if she were to accept Haine's advances now, Kokuen would not sit by and watch. If Tsurue and Haine were to officially join their households together, Tsurue's daughter would be made just as eligible for succession to the Daimyo seat as Kokuen's own daughter was, and that would threaten his noble sensibilities, and also spook the mainland court who, might I remind you, let Hoshiori's grandfather and granduncle be targeted in order to weed out the “treason”. A descendant of theirs being allowed a path to power, no matter how suppressed or small it may be, would simply not be tolerated. At “best”, her daughter and family would be targeted and at worst the whole of Uzushio could be targeted. So she refused. Went to live within the shrine where she used to commute. Tried her best to keep her daughter away from Haine but things got really complicated when Haine and Hoshiori kinda started playing pretend house because they both yearn to be family and Hoshiori in particular wants a fantasy where she gets to escape her confines as a shinobi. That abruptly ended after Hoshi's first disaster mission as a genin— the girl fully shut down and Tsurue… can't do much of anything other than be there for her daughter and give her an outlet for creativity and a life outside the one she's been forced into. All the while grappling with the increasing resentment and discontent she herself feels on her daughter's behalf, on her friends' and neighbors' behalf, on her people's behalf. Between Hoshiori being admitted to the Academy and Hoshiori's choice, there was a fifteen-year gap. Heck, between the first establishment of the system on Uzunoshima and Hoshiori's choice, the gap was eighteen years.

She's been harboring all that for… at least fifteen, but more like eighteen years considering she also had to witness her friends' families going through similar things since before Hoshiori was enrolled into the Academy.

And then, of course, the fateful moment came. Hoshiori, still carrying that hurt from when she realized Haine couldn't protect her, is subconsciously determined to be better and so claws her way into even just getting the chance to convince Konoha to let her take Kushina's place.

And Tsurue has had enough.

As described in Kazuma's section, a rebel movement starts to bud and bloom and things fall into chaos and…

Tsurue, as well, does not survive the genocide.

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naluwalker · 3 months ago

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I'm back, yeah

So, I just finished the most recent chapter of Blue Lock (Bachi choosing Rin and calling him Revenger, and Nagi's incredible kick and goal, you look beautiful, babe) and rereading Compass of thy Soul by the incredible Umei_no_Mai, and it came to me Bachirin's latest crossover idea comes to mind.

So here we go:

Wakakusa Uchiha had returned home after a long and unexpected mission in the Country of Lightning and was practically eager to get to her futon and sleep for the next ten years. Finding out that she was pregnant two months later had been an unpleasant surprise, especially when she remembered the very likely father of her baby as a memorable clanless shinobi that she had spent two weeks flirting with and had ultimately ended up killing in self-defense when he turned out to be a bastard who had tried to sell her when he discovered she was an Uchiha. The son of a bitch also had a very nasty Kekkei Genkai that was a nightmare to deal with, and now she was carrying his probable baby inside, so it was likely that Tajima-sama would try to rip her head off when he found out, but she doubted anything would anger him more than the Togakushi Incident from two years ago.

In the end, Wakakusa being Wakakusa, she shrugged and moved on like she did whenever similar incidents arose, deciding to keep the baby; If anyone asked, she had received the child by the divine grace of Inari. Then, five months later, at the beginning of August, Wakakusa brought into the world a beautiful baby girl with beautiful curls and even more beautiful honey eyes, and the resemblance was so much that he couldn't help but name her Bachira.

In this way, a Meguru Bachira who never finished reading Naruto since the beginning of the Chūnin Exams was reincarnated in the body of an Uchiha girl from the Warring States Era, about which he knows absolutely nothing.

On the other hand, he is not the first reincarnated, Sae Itoshi already took that dubious honor when he was born as the firstborn of Tajima Uchiha's third younger brother, Togakushi Uchiha.

Togakushi Uchiha was quite infamous within the clan, as as soon as he turned 14, in the midst of a teenage rebellion that his father failed to handle, he ran away from the clan for three years and returned married to a very pregnant Uzumaki. Tajima, then 25 years old, never tired of reminding his father that in fact the Uchiha and the Uzumaki were not on good terms, that yes, the Uzumaki are formally allies of the damned Senju, and that no, you cannot perform a formal wedding because his brother eloped with an Uzumaki bride, who in fact was already engaged to another, without the consent of said Uzumaki's parents and this could lead to war, but unfortunately, in these moments when his brother's anecdotes are so romantic that he is enthralling even his father, most do not want to listen to Tajima.

Despite all the complaints, negotiations and pleas, Aizen Uzumaki ends up staying, and in fact, the fucking wedding does take place, much to the exhaustion of Tajima who now has to plan contingencies in case the Senju find out about the new member of his family.

This is how in the middle of autumn, a baby is born with the characteristic hair of the Uzumaki and given the intelligence shown by the cold turquoise eyes, his father ends up calling him Sae.

Sae is mostly irritated with reincarnation. He's in a tiny body that only sleeps, cries, eats and defecates, can barely speak let alone move, and just wants to tear out his hair because he's bored to death. Unfortunately, as a person who spent basically his entire life obsessed with football and little else, with hardly any contact with pop culture, Sae barely had any knowledge of Naruto beyond knowing its name and therefore does not recognize his clan's last name and is even more lost than his soon-to-be-born little cousin, who at least more or less recognizes where he was born.

Then Sae spends the next two years trying to convince his parents to give him a younger brother for the sole purpose of dragging Rin with him into this boring world where it should be a capital crime for no one to know soccer. The insistence of Sae, whose first word was in fact "Little Brother", finally wears down his parents and the couple decides to have a baby when Sae turns two.

Thus, a month before Sae's third birthday, the clan receives a moody, dark-haired baby who shares the eye color with his mother and brother; Sae, in fact, kidnaps his brother from his father's arms a few seconds after the newborn was handed over to him and without anyone's consent names the baby Rin, and the newborn moves a chubby arm to give him a scolding slap on the nose to his annoying older brother. If Sae was irritated with the reincarnation, then Rin is furious, especially since he read Naruto until the end of the Fourth Ninja War and threw it aside when the aliens showed up.

The brothers spend the next five years in the midst of training, fighting and arguing over everything, while little by little they accept the war situation in which they will be forced to participate when they grow up. They consider it particularly stupid, because it's a war that a plant started to free a fucking crazy goddess, but unfortunately, one thing that Madara Uchiha (who to Rin's horror, is they first cousin) and Hashirama Senju didn't understand and that is that two men cannot end a war that lasted more than five centuries simply by forcing everyone to accept peace.

Anyway, while they both get used to their new reality and get depressed at the thought that maybe they are the only reincarnated people in this shitty world, a five-year-old Rin finds a curly-haired girl dribbling what can only be a soccer ball, and suddenly his chest fills with hope. He approaches slowly and the name escapes from his mouth before he can stop it, and when the surprised girl turns and looks at him with big honey eyes, the world suddenly seems clearer and more defined, a little more beautiful, as he records the familiar face in his retinas and he gets lost in the suddenly red eyes.

Later, as he returns home with his husband-now-wife wrapped around him like a particularly persistent octopus, he finds out from his brother that both he and Meguru have the Sharingan activated and that's why their parents are making a fuss; Rin doesn't care about anything of that, until his father tries to take Meguru away from him and suddenly things get violent. Rin does not plan to let go of Meguru, whose current name is ironically Bachira, and much less plans to let someone tear him from his arms when he has been without him (her? them?) for almost ten years, including the time since his previous life.

Eventually, both Wakakusa and Togakushi have to give up and allow their children to stick together like clingy mollusks. That both children arrive days later to formally ask for the other's hand in marriage is something that neither wants to think about, especially when, upon receiving no response, the children simply harassed them until they had to accept. Let it never be said that the Uchiha were not stubborn when they found something they wanted, but at least they managed to delay the wedding until they were fifteen, because neither of them wanted to wait any longer than that.

So, for the next few years, as they searched for familiar faces within the clan with varying degrees of success (Rin will never forgive the God who made Isagi Yoichi a cousin of Meguru, but at least he's better than Sae's disgusting bug), they tried as they were able to improve the status and resources of the clan, and if there was some way they could make peace (planting into Madara's thick head that no, you can't just decide that you don't want war and immediately go to shit) before someone was stabbed to death for a lucky Senju, the better.

By the way, Rin has never been more grateful that Meguru came from a family of artists than when she created a soccer ball for everyone to play with. God, how he loved that idiot.

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