#Using spiritual beliefs to trap in abusive situations women

[coochiequeens]

The UAE…. Where rape victims can jailed for having sex outside of marriage but the authorities look the way when African women are forced into prostitution. But it’s ok with authorities because as long as the foreign male population has a foreign female population to exploit the local women won’t be harassed.

African women trafficked into the UAE are forced into debt and subjected to threats and violence, as they are kept in sexual slavery. The case of Christy Gold, who has been charged with sex trafficking in Nigeria, highlights the torment endured by these women in the UAE.

By MAGGIE MICHAEL 

Filed June 12, 2023, 11 a.m. GMT

On a pleasure boat cruising Gulf waters near Dubai’s glittering skyline, a Nigerian woman in a white dress and gold jewelry nodded and swayed as a gathering sang “Happy Birthday” to her.

Videos of Christy Gold’s 45th birthday party were posted in May last year on an Instagram account that showcases her glamorous lifestyle, months after Gold fled Nigeria, where she was facing sex trafficking charges.

Gold – whose name appears in court records as Christiana Jacob Uadiale – was a ringleader in a criminal network that lured African women to Dubai and forced them into prostitution in brothels, backstreets, bars, hotels and dance clubs, according to six Nigerian government anti-trafficking officials, a British human rights activist who has tracked her operation and five women who say they were trafficked and exploited by her.

Three of the women said in interviews that Gold told them that if they didn’t do as they were told, they’d be killed and dumped in the desert. Those who didn’t make enough money for her were taken to a room in an apartment in Dubai, where Gold’s brother starved them, flogged them and shoved hot chili paste into their vaginas, according to three anti-trafficking officials and five women who provided detailed accounts in interviews and court statements.

“They beat the hell out of me,” one of the women said. “The suffering was too much.”

In a statement to the court after she was charged, Gold denied that she and her brother were sex traffickers. “I am not involved in human trafficking and I do not have any girls in Dubai working for me as a prostitute,” she said.

Gold remains a fugitive from justice – part of what anti-trafficking activists and officials say is a thriving underground of suspected Nigerian sex traffickers who have taken refuge in the United Arab Emirates, a Gulf nation known for its wealth, futuristic skyscrapers and what rights groups say is a poor record on protecting foreign workers and basic freedoms.

The UAE is a major destination for sex trafficking, where African women are forced into prostitution by illicit networks operating within the country, an investigation by the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists and Reuters has found.

Emirati authorities do little to protect these women, according to anti-trafficking activists, Nigerian authorities and interviews with trafficked women.

This story is based on interviews with 25 African women, mostly from Nigeria, who described being lured to the UAE by Gold or other alleged traffickers, as well as dozens of interviews with humanitarian workers, investigators, Nigerian government officials and others with knowledge of sex trafficking in the Emirates. Their accounts are corroborated by court records and case files from Nigeria’s anti-human trafficking agency.

Human traffickers keep African women in sexual slavery by playing on their financial desperation and creating webs of manipulation and coercion, the reporting shows. They subject them to threats and violence. They ensnare them in crushing debts, often totaling $10,000 to $15,000 – huge sums for women from poor families. And, in many cases, they exploit traditional African spiritual beliefs to make victims believe that they have no choice but to do what the traffickers tell them.

This article is part of a reporting collaboration led by ICIJ, Trafficking Inc., which is examining sex trafficking and labor trafficking in many parts of the globe. ICIJ’s media partners on the project include Reuters, NBC News, Arab Reporters for Investigative Journalism and other news outlets in multiple countries.

Gold did not respond to questions for this story. In her statement to the court in Nigeria, Gold said she had helped Nigerian women and men move to the UAE by subletting space to them in an apartment she owned in Dubai.

“I even go as far as advising them like a mother so they too can make it in Dubai,” she said. But she told the court, “I cannot tell what these people did for a living in Dubai.”

In a written reply supplied by the Dubai government’s media affairs office, the emirate’s police agency said claims that Gold had engaged in the sex trafficking of African women in Dubai are “false and have absolutely no basis in fact.” The statement said Gold had “entered and exited Dubai legally and was not implicated in any illegal activities.”

The UAE Ministry of Foreign Affairs said any suggestion the UAE “tolerates human trafficking or that it has little regard to the victims of this heinous crime is utterly false.” Such allegations, the ministry said in response to questions, were “baseless and without foundation.”

The ministry said the UAE’s laws on sex trafficking carry heavy fines and prison sentences. A report the ministry shared said the UAE had referred 20 “human trafficking cases” to the courts in 2021, most for “sexual exploitation.”

The UAE has been involved in international police operations against trafficking networks, the ministry said.

Human rights activists and Nigerian authorities say the UAE doesn’t live up to its anti-trafficking commitments.

Fatima Waziri-Azi, director general of Nigeria’s National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons, said there has been “no cooperation” when NAPTIP has reached out to Emirati authorities for help hunting down traffickers working out of the UAE.

Angus Thomas, a British activist who founded an anti-trafficking education organization based in Ghana, said UAE authorities, including the police, were uncooperative when he urged them to help African women get away from Gold and her associates.

“I wrote, I phoned, I emailed, asking them to help me get the girls, sending addresses of apartments,” he said. “And I heard nothing.”

In plain sight

Sex trafficking is one form of human trafficking, which is generally defined as using force, fraud or coercion to induce someone to provide a service.

Most of the 25 women interviewed for this story said they were promised other types of work but were driven into prostitution. Others said they chose to do sex work but were trapped in situations in which they were abused, their earnings were stolen and they were unable to get away.

The UAE made sex trafficking a crime in 2006 and has established an interagency anti-trafficking panel and opened shelters for survivors. The U.S. State Department said in 2022 that the UAE has made “significant efforts” to combat human trafficking but still falls short in key areas – including failing to “consistently screen vulnerable populations for trafficking indicators, which may have penalized some victims for unlawful acts traffickers compelled them to commit, such as immigration or ‘prostitution’ violations.”

The UAE follows Islamic law, yet prostitution and sex trafficking are open secrets. Business cards with photos and WhatsApp numbers for brothels disguised as massage parlors litter many areas of Dubai. Spas, dance clubs and bars are filled with sex workers.

A hierarchy based on skin tone plays an important role in the UAE’s sex industry, according to interviews with trafficked women and visits to spots where prostitutes congregate in the UAE. Lighter-skinned women from Europe are generally trafficked into higher-end venues serving wealthier customers. Darker-skinned women are often steered to alleys and street corners, providing sex to low-income migrant workers from South Asia and Africa.

One Nigerian woman described being taken by a trafficker to an open-air brothel in the desert between Dubai and another emirate, Abu Dhabi. She said she and other women would take off their clothes and spread them on the ground, and men would come to have sex with them from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m.

A Nigerian mother in her 20s said a trafficker led her and two other women to a parking lot in Ajman, one of the emirates that make up the UAE, and forced them to have sex with male clients amid vehicles that were being painted and repaired. At the end of the night, she said, the traffickers took all the money, leaving them with nothing to buy food.

After she broke free of the trafficker, the woman said, she slept in the streets and begged for food. She nearly lost her mind, she said, before a nurse from Nigeria rescued her and helped her get home.

The UAE's sex industry is shaped by the country's distinctive demography and economy.

Nearly 90% of its population comes from somewhere else – mostly foreign workers employed in construction, hospitality and other industries. Most of them are men and they arrive alone. As a result, 69% of the UAE’s population is male. The government deals with these demographic realities by deploying extensive surveillance in the UAE – and by allowing a bustling sex trade as a way of pacifying male workers, according to two former diplomats who were based in the UAE and monitored sex trafficking.

Gold and Mercy

On New Year’s Eve 2019, Thomas, a photographer and anti-trafficking activist, had a one-day layover in the UAE before heading home to London. He was going into a supermarket in Dubai when a 19-year-old Nigerian woman approached him and offered him sex.

He declined, but asked her if she wanted to return to her home country.

She told him, Thomas said, that she and 22 other women were under the control of a trafficker named Christy Gold. Back in London, he sent her money to rent a safe place to stay and then arranged a flight home to Nigeria.

Thomas said he began trying to rescue other women trapped in Dubai. He started a campaign called Send Them Home, raising money to cover victims’ escape and travel costs. Over several months, Thomas said, he helped rescue eight other women who said they’d been held against their will by Gold or other traffickers operating in the UAE. Thomas’ account was confirmed by Nigerian anti-trafficking officials and women who Thomas helped escape from traffickers.

He also shared information that he had gathered about Gold with Nigeria’s anti-trafficking agency NAPTIP, which can arrest and prosecute alleged traffickers. His efforts included tracking Gold’s Instagram account, where she displays hundreds of online posts featuring lion-shaped gold pendants and other jewelry she sells through a gold trading business she runs from Dubai.

In a May 2022 email to Waziri-Azi, the Nigerian anti-trafficking agency’s director, Thomas wrote that Gold was “flaunting her wealth built on the backs” of young women “she trafficks to Dubai.”

Little is known about Gold’s background. In her written statement to the Nigerian court, Gold said that she traveled to Dubai in 2009 and after that began shuttling back and forth, buying gold, shoes and handbags in the UAE and selling them in Nigeria.

According to victim statements to the court and interviews, Gold and her associates targeted Nigerian women who were desperate for work and new lives, promising them jobs in hair salons, restaurants and other retail businesses in Dubai. Gold’s associates helped them obtain Nigerian passports and tourist visas to travel to the UAE.

Descriptions of her operations come from five women who said they’d been trafficked by Gold. Three gave detailed interviews. Two of the three women interviewed for this story, along with two other women, have submitted witness statements in Gold’s criminal case.

Each of the three women interviewed for this article said she was trafficked after being approached by a recruiter, Mercy Ewere Owuzo, who worked with Gold.

One said she was working in a shop in Nigeria’s largest city, Lagos, in July 2019 when Owuzo told her that she could make much more money as a salesperson in a store in Dubai.

“I didn’t ask any questions because she told me she is trying to help young women and I thought, ‘She is a kind person,’” the woman, 25, recalled.

She said Owuzo paid for her passport, plane ticket and UAE tourist visa.

After arriving in Dubai, she said, she talked by phone to Owuzo, who told her there was no job for her in a store. Instead, she would be going to clubs, restaurants and hotels to sell her body. It was the only way, she said she was told, to pay down the $12,000 debt that she owed Gold for bringing her to the UAE.

The three women said Gold also controlled them by confiscating their passports. Then, they said, she created fake passports that appeared authentic enough to get them through routine police stops or past front desks at hotels – but not enough to get them out of the country.

It’s not clear from witness accounts and court documents whether Gold was the topmost leader of the alleged trafficking network. The three women interviewed for this story said she exercised a substantial level of authority and was deeply engaged in the network’s operations – personally threatening, for example, to leave their corpses in the Arabian Desert if they didn’t comply with her demands.

“Every time we don’t bring money, they would beat us, put pepper in our vagina, pepper in our eyes,” said one of the three women, who said she was working as a hairstylist in Nigeria before Owuzo promised her a better-paying job in Dubai. “Many of us had wounds, but we weren’t taken to hospitals because they don’t want people to know what they were doing to us.”

All three of these women spent time in a two-bedroom apartment in Dubai controlled by Gold. At one point, they said, Gold occupied one bedroom, while as many as 18 women were crammed into the other, with most sleeping on blankets on the floor.

It was here, according to interviews and court statements, that women marked for punishment were sent and where Gold’s enforcer – her brother Solomon – sexually assaulted them and beat their malnourished bodies with a hookah hose, broomstick or other implements.

NAPTIP officials said Solomon has not been charged with a crime. Gold said in her court statement that she never ordered Solomon to hurt anyone who stayed in her apartment in Dubai.

“I have never at any time instructed him to beat any of the girls as I have never had cause to beat any of them,” she said.

ICIJ and Reuters were unable to contact Solomon.

Victoria Oburoh, one of NAPTIP’s top prosecutors, confirmed that Gold and Owuzo worked together. In May last year, NAPTIP was able to win a conviction of Owuzo on sex trafficking charges in federal court in the Nigerian state of Delta. Oburoh said that case and the one pending against Gold are “sister cases.”

A lawyer who represented Owuzo during her trial declined to comment.

NAPTIP began an investigation of Gold after one of her alleged victims reported her to the police in Nigeria. Authorities charged Gold with six counts of violating Nigeria’s sex trafficking law.

After a judge released her on bail, she failed to show up for a scheduled court appearance on Nov. 3, 2021. Her lawyer told the judge that Gold had been “found half dead on the bed” and taken to a hospital.

The judge ordered that Gold be taken back into custody. But authorities had no luck tracking her down, NAPTIP officials say.

Christy Gold had disappeared.

Put me in prison’

Loudspeakers announced evening prayers at a mosque in Al Baraha, a working-class neighborhood in Dubai’s populous Deira district, when a reporter visited last August.

Steps away, young women in colorful wigs and low-cut evening dresses lined up in front of shabby buildings for their day’s work: providing sex to men. On the fourth and fifth floors of one building, South Asian men sat in the stairway, scrolling on their phones, sipping beer and waiting for their turns with the sex workers.

All the while police vehicles slowly navigated the district’s narrow alleys – part of the policing and surveillance apparatus that keeps UAE authorities deeply informed about what’s going on in Dubai and other emirates.

One of the sex workers was a young woman who arrived from Ghana in June 2022. She said she was promised a job as a housemaid but found herself doing an entirely different kind of work.

She rolled up her dress to show the bruises that came with the job.

“A few days ago, my eyes were swollen after being hit in the face and slapped when I failed to meet the target,” she said. “It’s my boss who did this to me.”

He told her, she said, that if she wanted to gain her freedom, she had to pay a debt of nearly $10,000.

“Where do I go? What do I do?” she asked, breaking into tears. She said her trafficker, whom she didn’t name, had taken away her phone and passport. Another way traffickers and their subordinates control African women is by using the power of juju, a traditional African spiritual belief system.

Women targeted for sex trafficking are required to take “juju oaths,” solemn vows to do the bidding of the recruiters who have promised to help them find work abroad. As part of the oath-taking ceremonies, they are told to strip naked, kneel for hours and swallow noxious drinks that can make them dizzy. They’re warned that breaking their vows of obedience could put a curse on them that could cause injury, death, even generational misfortune for their families.

Most of the women interviewed for this story said they had been required to take a juju oath, with some of the ceremonies conducted in Nigeria and others after they arrived in the UAE.

Three women said in witness statements in Gold’s criminal case that Gold’s associates required them to do oath-taking ceremonies in Nigeria before they traveled to Dubai.

“She makes us believe she has juju,” one woman who claims she’d been trafficked by Gold said in an interview. “That is, if we run away, we can become mad or die.”

In her statement to the court, Gold denied organizing such ceremonies.

When women brave the threats of real violence and otherworldly consequences to try to escape their traffickers, they say they often get little help from Emirati authorities.

A 25-year-old Ugandan said that after she fled a brothel in the Deira district of Dubai where she was forced to work, she headed to the nearest police station. She said a police officer took her back to the brothel and negotiated with the trafficker to return the passport to her. The officer left without doing anything else, and the trafficker took the passport back again, she said.

She got away for good only after she reached out to Nyondo Rozet, a Ugandan YouTube broadcaster based in the UAE. Rozet posted a video about her plight, which raised the money for a plane ticket home.

Rozet, whose videos primarily appeal to the Ugandan community in the UAE, said in an interview that a woman who called her, saying she was the trafficker, offered her money to take the video down. When she refused, Rozet said, other people contacted her to threaten harm if she didn’t delete the video, telling her: “You are not going to survive.”

The Dubai police did not respond to questions about the incident.

A 23-year-old woman from Nigeria’s northeastern farm belt said she thought UAE police would help her after she fled a brothel in Abu Dhabi where she and six other women had been locked in a room filled with steel beds separated by curtains. Every night, she had to have sex with half a dozen men.

She had slipped away when her boss got drunk and left the key in the door. But when she walked into a police station in the Khalidiya area of Abu Dhabi, she said, an officer told her, “Go to where you came from.”

She said she pleaded: “Put me in prison!” But “they turned their back to me. I was crying, but they paid no attention. They said: ‘To Hell with Africa.’”

The police station in Khalidiya did not respond to a request for comment.

Extradition request

For years, large numbers of migrants from Nigeria and other African countries have sought jobs and new lives in Europe. Migration routes have changed as European Union members have pushed migrants back to Libya, the main transit point across the Mediterranean Sea. With the way to Europe increasingly blocked, African migrants have turned, in growing numbers, to the UAE and other rich Arab nations.

Oburoh, the NAPTIP prosecutor, said that when trafficking cases have links to Europe, governments there provide information and cooperation that help the agency apprehend and prosecute traffickers. But when it comes to the UAE, official cooperation is nonexistent, Nigerian anti-trafficking investigators said.

At home, NAPTIP operates in an environment where some government officials also have been accused of engaging in human trafficking – and where, NAPTIP officials say, convicted traffickers often avoid jail terms.

The Nigerian government did not respond to a request for comment.

[metaphysicalpistolsoraclemine]

False Parent.

False Parent is the main Victimizer Archetype that is used to create pain and trauma in the child, when that child is totally dependent upon that adult person. When abuse is suffered in childhood, destructive Attachments and negative bonds are formed within that child that carry into adulthood, if they are not cleared. To free the body, mind, emotions and spirit from the bondage of trauma induced by parents or others when we were children, we must take responsibility to learn how to love ourselves and unconditionally forgive what has happened to us. This action dissolves the Causality and the consequential effects, as well as later entanglements that this pain has created throughout the child’s timeline, all the way into adulthood. Unhealed childhood trauma and pain is commonly carried over into our adult intimate relationships, infecting them with pain and leading into unhealthy and destructive relationships. When we are able to unconditionally forgive the situation and love ourselves, we learn that what happened to us as a child, had nothing to do with our real self. We shift our thinking to reflecting upon what lessons we have learned, and what strengths we can take away from that experience. We must shift our concept of the Parent that exists on the external, to become the Parent that exists in the internal self, and know that we are the true spiritual parent for ourselves. Our self-worth is not relative to how our biological family or adopted parents treated us as children.

When we change the way we perceive our negative experiences, we are able to own our own emotional conflicts without blame, guilt or projection upon another person, by needing to make it their fault. The set up on earth is to disempower people into always thinking that their misery is someone else’s fault, so that they are always in a state of blaming something else outside of themselves. This creates powerlessness and cycles of victimization that trap the person into compliance with the enslavement programs. Do not assume that you know anything about that person that can be judged for what you cannot see or really know, as you have not walked in their shoes. Many people on this earth live with a broken heart, experiencing a large amount of Isolation, misery and fear throughout their life. Chances are you had a parent or other people that acted these feelings out on you.

At this time as our Mother God Parent is returning her heart presence to the earth, many of us will have an opportunity to review the unhealed wounds we have around the False Parent. This is one of the Controller Programs that is a sub program of the Victim-Victimizer software program and a collective miasm that has accumulated over many generations of parental and family unit dysfunction.

The False Parent is the confusion a child has with the belief system that our biological Mother or Father Parent should love, protect and nurture their offspring, but in actuality, none of these emotional needs are met by the Parental role. Additionally the desire to belong to a family, in order to feel connected, is not satisfied emotionally. Depending on the level of Parental dysfunction, love and emotional needs are ingrained to be abusive, painful or selfish, and that “belief system” carries throughout the life experiences. Without correction of this dysfunction, the digression of the pattern continues to define “love” with all interpersonal relationships of the child, leading into adulthood. As long as the pattern continues, the person will feel disconnected, love-less, have unsuccessful marriages, and will seek defense or coping mechanisms to fill the inner void.

The False Parent is both a crude victimizer program and the byproduct of the planetary enslavement to produce disconnected and tyrannical human offspring that serve the alien agenda. How a civilization treats women and children is a definitive marker for the consciousness digression or development of a race. To develop consciousness and begin to heal the parental roles, as well as gender roles, this pattern will need to be understood as a cornerstone of humanities spiritual healing.

At this time we have an opportunity to come into the greater realization that our true Parent is our God Parent. As we find God deep within our heart center, we will begin to understand how we can be free of this abusive False Parent and all the pain we suffered from it. As we take responsibility as the real Parent, we completely forgive our biological parents (and our Ancestors) and learn to Parent our child. We are the Mother, The Father and the Child. We are all three in One. We can access the inner God Parent, and ask them to Parent and love their Child, the physical body. To be a Parent, requires responsibility to the child. This is one way of understanding self-mastery. To be a firm but loving parent means that the child cannot be allowed to run amok with the body playing out all its whims and fancies. The child can hurt itself if it is not given proper parenting and loving discipline to learn emotional and spiritual growth.

During this time, spiritual reflection in order to forgive one’s Parents, forgive family issues and resolve other pain related to gender role confusion will be supported to complete these past patterns. Inner balance between the masculine and feminine energies requires that we be cleared of Mother/Father distortions. Sacred marriage with God is the layers of our own inner male and female in balance. Hieros Gamos is the representative of the Three in One, The Mother, The Father and the Holy Sun (child). Through the sacred marriage between the Mother and Father Parent, the Christos Child is born. As we resolve past pain with our false parent, we remove the karmic buttons that have been damaging or have destroyed our relationships and marriages in adulthood. We then can be freed to have relationships that are sourced in Love and not karmic pain. The spiritual resolution of this will bring many of us an ability to experience the first relationships based purely on Love, no karmic history, no gender distortion. Hierogamy or Sacred marriage in Christos Light is fully possible now on planet earth!

Victimizer Archetypes.

False Parent is a Victim-Victimizer software mind control archetype that is used to target spiritually developing people.

As the Victimizer Archetypes and related programs that are embedded in the cellular matrix are very enhanced now, especially in adjunct to Life Review patterns for many of us now on the ascension path. Let us say this is explosive for some of us now, and I am observing traps for ensnarement, and Addiction, like jaws attempting to latch on to our vulnerability. People around us, including family members may play into these Victim Software archetypes and being aware of the False Parent will help you to stay clear of energetic drain and emotional dramas.

False Parent(i.e. Surface: I am your protector/nurturer. Hidden: Let me play this role so I can exhaust you and divert you from realizing your real spiritual path)

Healing the False Parent

Humanity’s greatest task during the Ascension Cycle is to heal their personal emotional trauma around sexual pain, and gender wounding that is related to the False Parent archetype.

There are groups of people that are having heart openings and are choosing to have more loving kindness and peace in their lifestyle. There are groups of people that are closing down their heart from unresolved emotional pain and suffering, and they are unconsciously creating more chaos, negativity and stress in their lifestyle. When these different choice levels surface in intimate relationships such as marriages or partnerships, the conflict can be extremely explosive, emotional and painful. Before the awakening process, many people choose partners or spouses that carry karmic patterns of pain associated or familiar to them from childhood, based on the False Parent. If we have a False Parent relationship during this time of the collective pain body surfacing on the planet, we will be under intense pressure to resolve this emotional conflict and make different choices in our future direction. We must find the emotional blockage that acts as a barrier to further our spiritual growth, or the relationship will end. As difficult as it may be in the short term, ending unhealthy relationships is much better for our growth and happiness in the longer term.

People that are run by their unconscious mind or pain body, may have little to no control over their reactions and impulses at this time. They will have no comprehension of the False Parent or Sexual Misery overlays running in the environment and in other people. As a result, they will unconsciously play out these impulsive behaviors of the False Parent in their relationships, and these dysfunctional patterns will magnify and get worse. All things that are hidden must be seen and observed in order to be healed and energetically shifted in our relationships. Most people are not good communicators or able to communicate feelings very well. This is especially true when it comes to all matters concerning intimate relationships and sexuality.

At this time, we have an opportunity to come into the greater realization that our true Parent is our God Parent, and our God Parent is calling us home during the Ascension Cycle. When we are capable to love and parent ourselves, our body becomes a beloved friend, a safe and secure space. Our intimate relationships and marriages are transformed through loving ourselves and we are moved into healthier states of being to create more loving and peaceful relationships.

Reversal Mother = Satanic

The Reversal Mother is the anti-life hatred for the Godhead that exists in the anti-female collective consciousness of the Satanics. The interdimensional aliens in the Orion Group, such as the Black Sun Dragon Moth have primarily used the Reversal Mother principle of Satanism to spread their war and blood sacrifice ideology on the earth. Those ideologies that endorse religious wars, genocide, eugenics, pedophilia, killing for God as a blood sacrifice, are specifically generated by the satanic collectives. They have accumulated the collective consciousness grids of the earth to be programmed with alien machinery running AI software for mind control, and that siphons energy off the planet to fuel other timelines and phantom realities.

Reversal Father = Luciferian.

The Reversal Father is the anti-life male collective consciousness of the Luciferians, whose accumulated collective consciousness is harvested by the NAA to gain energetic power from the earth grid and from humanity, by hijacking and raping the male and Father principle energies. The interdimensional alien Annunaki Gods, Enki, Enlil, Thoth, and Yahweh and Jehovah from Saturn, have primarily used the Reversal Father principle of Luciferianism to establish the world religions on the earth, using patriarchal domination rhetoric to serve the false light, and the Bi-Wave Consciousness, so they could gain full control over humans and exert themselves as the Gods.

False Parent Collective Consciousness.

The Imposter Spirit forms, which many Negative Aliens have adopted in the role of False Alien Gods that intermediate on the earth, are connected to the False Parent Collective Consciousness that is referred to as Satanism and Luciferianism. To become Satanic or Luciferian means that consciousness body has lost its eternal connection to the Godhead, thus has to find sources of energy to feed upon to continue to exist. Satanism is a collective consciousness force field, and any kind of entity can embody the anti-Christ, and become an embodied Satan.

Amoraea Flame.

Amoraea is sound frequency, that acts as the carrier wave for the Override Pillar Gates. Once the Amoraea Flame sound frequency runs in our Universal Tree of Life, it splits into the Mother and Father Arc, Mother Arc manifests in our density, while the Father Arc anchors in the Parallel Time Matrix. As we embody both, we override the False Parent energies running in our field, and anchor the merge of both the real Mother and Father principle, as embodiments on the earth.

*False Parent is listed in the HGS Manual under the Victim-Victimizer 2 clearing under Addictions/Phobias. 

Source: ascensionglossary.com

[harold2sco]

Pre-Birth Wounds

Let’s discuss the concept of “Pre-Birth Wounds.” This is a subject that many people never take into account, yet it greatly affects the quality of your existence on Earth.

Most people have been taught to believe that the path of an individual’s life unfolds after birth. Yet, I'm going to assert that this is not the case; that the factors shaping and molding you appear much earlier.

One thing that we've failed to do in many societies is care for mothers during their time of pregnancy. And, by caring, I mean nurturing them, empowering them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

See, the females of our species literally take it upon themselves to onboard new Souls into the planet. They become vessels of pure cosmic energy and divine creation.

Women essentially bring forth and perpetuate humanity. Therefore, it's important that each mother is surrounded by energies that fulfill her, that remind her of this divine essence.

Because everything that goes into her goes into the baby and, consequently, goes into our human species. So we are creating the template for who and what we are through her.

This is the time period for a woman, during her pregnancy, when we need to fill her with Love, good energy, everything we want to reproduce and experience more of in our world.

But that doesn't happen very often. In fact, many women during this time period are treated harshly. An expecting mother may be pushed by the social system to work non stop like a machine; to surround herself with harmful chemicals in the environment.

Many of our money-driven societies are set up to be this kind of dog eat dog world. Everyone is scratching and clawing to get “Theirs,” and a pregnant woman must often do the same.

Therefore, subconsciously, she will be worried about survival and safety. This woman may also be related to toxic people or have a partner who hasn't done his own self healing.

Both people in that relationship then, who are psychologically battered, will push each other's buttons nonstop. They may have arguments, experience ongoing feelings of despair and disappointment. In extreme cases, physical violence might become a factor.

Just imagine what all this could be doing to an unborn child. In the womb, we are vessels of pure potential that are being impressed upon constantly by what the mother is experiencing.

And, at the core level, we're all energetic beings surrounded by others who carry their own electromagnetic and etheric fields. We constantly mix and commingle with people and are exposed to their emotional baggage.

Through that process, our own energetic sovereignty is often breached. These disruptive frequencies can then throw our lives completely out of balance. And a baby, being exposed to this, may begin to feel unsafe, under attack, unwelcomed in this world.

Studies have been done to follow the children of parents who, early in life, went through a prolonged period of starvation, torment, terror, or suffering. The children of these people often grow up, well into adulthood, feeling that they are never safe, or will somehow be attacked.

They may even develop to be much smaller and less physically capable than the offspring of people who didn't go through such an enormous hardship. Some of these adult children will hoard things. They may feel inappropriately attached to physical objects.

Others will eat to the point of becoming obese. Because, buried inside of their neural circuitry, is a fear that there will never be enough; that what they have will run out, or that they are in danger of losing bare essentials.

The people themselves are usually not able to identify these underlying fears without help or long periods of introspection. That’s because, in the womb, we don't have language yet.

We don't understand words, reason, or verbal cues. But we do have an emotional, energetic experience which, in itself, speaks volumes. The nervous system memory morphs into a belief structure that makes sense out of fears implanted before birth.

You see, thoughts, experiences, life events, emotions, are not words. Words are simply tools we use to transmit our own internal experience into the minds and bodies of other people.

They are secondary symbols, not the experience itself, which is fundamental. In fact, think of it this way. Every emotion is simply a sensory-based representation of some “Thought or information level Frequency.”

The emotion is, therefore, a thought, in the body. The mother will have certain thoughts in response to her environment. These ideas will be translated into a language that the very cells of her unborn child can understand.

Many of these destructive ideas are not hers. Because thoughts aren’t only generated inside of our heads. We transmit them out into the surrounding world.

Therefore, people around the pregnant mother will give their energy to her. If they are petty, “Small-Minded,” or suffer from self-hate, she gets that as well.

This becomes a dangerous cocktail that is mixed together and absorbed by the baby, a being that is pure potential, at its most vulnerable and impressionable state in life.

I’ll give you another example of how this plays out. Studies have also been done to follow the lives of children who were adopted through foster care. Many have gone into the system because their parents were drug addicts or lived a very destructive lifestyle.

Regardless, during those first few weeks of life, there is an incredible bonding process taking place between child and mother. Musch of our development is reliant upon going through this connective process.

Any newborn who is torn away from his or her mother during that time, endures a tremendously traumatic experience. The mother is probably in extreme distress, which her child can feel.

The baby also experiences a sensation of being “Torn Away” from its safety net. Emotionally, that bond is being ripped apart. This leaves an enormous wound and void within the child.

The infant may be placed in a foster home within weeks. Sometimes he or she will be passed right into the arms of a waiting family.

The new “mother” and “father” will very often go on to adopt the baby as their own. Therefore, the child would only really know and remember his or her adopted family.

Yet, following the same children throughout life, it is very very common for them to have attachment issues, fears of abandonment, oppositional and defiant behavior.

Young boys and girls like this may constantly feel the need to make others react, just to prove that they exist. These children will create, through their behavior, situations that cause peers, classmates, and even other adults to push them away.

All of this, and more, can be caused by an emotional/psychological/ Spiritual injury inflicted on the child either before birth or shortly after. The baby, teenager, adult, will go through life wanting to connect; wanting to feel complete and to bond with other people.

The problem is that he or she simply won't know how to accomplish this. Because the traumatic event wouldn’t be stored in regular memory. It would not exist in words or rational thought, but in the energy system of that being.

Even those of us who were raised by “birth parents” may pick up similar wounds in the womb, shortly after birth, and all throughout life. Just imagine what you might be carrying around, stuck in your system, right now.

It could show up as pain, injury, body dysfunction, weight gain, destroyed or abusive relationships, an inability to succeed and thrive, perpetual poverty, you name it.

There are nearly infinite manifestations that can come from experiences and harmful energies trapped in the human system.

You may be able to talk these things through with a traditional therapist and, over time, work them out. However, there is another way to do the same thing that most people never consider.

That is to cancel out the frequency of abandonment, fear, or whatever else is stuck inside of the body. Once that’s removed, the human being is designed to operate perfectly.

You can accomplish this by applying, to the “wound,” a higher, cleaner, restorative vibration.

Here’s a metaphor to help explain how it would work. Imagine that there is a clog in the drain of your bathroom sink. It has built up over a long period of time. The blockage may contain hair, grime, sludge, hard mineral deposits, all backed up in your piping.

You could go underneath the sink and disassemble everything. You can pull it apart, pipe by pipe, to pinpoint where the exact location of each sticking point is. That might work, at least to some degree, but only after you’ve put in a great deal of effort.

However, what if you instead found some natural solvent; what you might call a “High Frequency” You could run that through the pipes, dissolving the sludge, grime, and build up.

This describes the work that I do with people, connecting them with powerful Divine, healing energies that transform every aspect of their lives. IT’s a way of working with the very intelligence of Nature, the intelligence that created your entire body and everything in existence.

By bringing that level of information in, no kind of dysfunction or disruption can stay put. That’s one of the quickest ways to clear problems out, by working at the energetic level.

The REAL power is in your inborn ability to dissolve toxic experiences, not reminisce about them. This is how we, as humans, Truly Evolve to transcend the difficulties that attach to us throughout life.

[imuybemovoko]

My beliefs now

I set this blog up for a bunch of different purposes including conlangs/worldbuilding stuff, my writing, and my views on religion and maybe also politics. So far, mostly, I’ve ranted a lot about the beliefs I left behind. Now that I’ve let that particular sketchy brand of Christianity, now that I’ve discovered the ways it and my conservative family background were probably turning me into a fascist while I was still in all that, I figure I might as well try to hash out where I stand now. I’m around eleven months out from my deconversion, and a lot has already changed. I might try to attempt a before and after thing but there’s a lot to unpack about how I used to think and I’m not sure I’ve understood everything yet. I think I made the mistake of thinking that not very long before that repressed memory about “Sharon” and her Jonah display came crashing back in March. This is current to late July 2020 and may not include everything. 

So without any further ado, let’s talk background. First, some things I’ve already either mentioned or given more than enough evidence for. I used to be a Christian fundamentalist. (Clearly. I rant about it a lot.) I got into that because I was raised religious, then let myself fall right the fuck into what I’ll call “deep end lite” shortly before senior year in high school. Some local churches in my small town arranged a missions trip thing and the way I agreed to go along felt in the moment like surrendering to a voice that’s been speaking to me all along. In ...a way, it was. Just not the voice I thought. I’m pretty sure I didn’t want this god, at any point like ever, until that little part of me whispered that it would be easier to accept him. I have a megathread document that I’ve stored a lot of my “God stories” from my time as a Christian in. Unfortunately I didn’t remember many specific details of this experience to write down in there, but I did write a bit of a “life-story” thing that reminds me that, chronologically, that happened after a period of focused attempts by the church to indoctrinate me, some traumatic things my family did, social struggles, and feeling like an asshole because of things I’d done in the past. I remember having this growing sense over the previous year that I was approaching some kind of very dangerous breaking point, to the point where (trigger warning: mental instability, school shooter mention. Please either stop here or skip to where it says “in other words” in the next paragraph after this if that’s going to be an issue. It also keeps getting dark from there for a minute. Please, please tread with care if you need to. There is no shame at all if this becomes too much. Take care of yourself first and foremost.) 

when discussing how I came to accept the faith, I told some of my Christian friends that I felt like there was a scary chance of me becoming a school shooter. I think this may have been a post-hoc projection, but I can’t quite be sure of that. I was in a bad place for a bit there in high school. I had a wild temper and some sketchy intrusive thoughts.

In other words, it hit at a perfect moment of weakness. That’s how oppressive forms of spirituality function, it’s how hate groups function... it’s a massive shit cocktail and I found a pretty bad influence in the form of people who promote that whole “born again experience” thing in Christianity. I’d say I’m glad I missed out on being dragged into a fascist ideology this way, but uh... I’m no longer convinced I didn’t grow up around something like that. More later. 

From there I spiraled my way through my first attempts at college through the university’s chapter of the Chi Alpha campus ministry and, peripherally through that, Assemblies of God (holy shit those guys are wild), then through a local Baptist church (more peripherally) and Calvary Chapel (I was a worship guitarist here for like 18 months and helped with their youth ministry for almost as long) closer to home and a CRU chapter at my community college. With each passing year I slipped further and further into this weird shame-induced funk where I got like... addicted to Jesus and hated myself or something. It’s a bit hard to find words that don’t take multiple entire extra pages and I want to be concise, so I’ll simply call it “Jesus-flavored depression” for brevity and because that was enough of a genuinely bad time (and I’m still fucked up enough) that I might need some fairly serious therapy.

Near the end of 2018 I was reaching a breaking point, wondering why nothing ever seemed to change in my life from “sexual sin” (...which in my case literally consisted of being attracted to women and occasional self-pleasure, but they literally teach you to hate yourself for less than that in the spicier churches rip) to my direction in life to how trapped I felt by my family. I also started to have more questions about the violence in the Bible and some of the sketchier doctrines, and that was strongly reinforced by some of the things I saw in a creative writing class I took, including an atheist who shared a story of a profoundly negative experience involving being taught about hell at a very young age. All that led to the absolute disaster that was December 2018. It was my last semester at the community college I went to. Finals week was a fucking disaster, and the week before that too, and my grades were really good but at great cost. I won’t go into a ton of detail because 1. space concerns and 2. this time is still damn painful to discuss, but just know that I’m unconvinced I’d have survived that month without this song. (Yes, that’s Paramore. Shut up xD they’re still good.) I looped it for like three days straight and I think it was just enough to keep me going through what was the third time I had any suicidal kind of thoughts ever and by far the worst and longest period of it so far.

So the next several months (and I won’t go into a ton of detail about this, I intended this post more to describe my current position and I don’t wanna get too in the weeds with background) were a confusing period of questioning, starting with, of all things, my family dynamic. The spiral after the week before finals was ...considerably worsened by some comments my dad made, and between that and some experiences in the past that the creative writing class I took that fall reminded me of, I was exposed to a bit of a deeply toxic pattern. I might discuss that more deeply in another post, but for now suffice it to say that extensive youtube binges and some other research between about January and March told me the situation is probably adjacent to pathological narcissism in some way. I brought some of this up to the church I was attending at the time (a small town Calvary Chapel, if I haven’t mentioned that already) and their responses were ...inconsistent. Some people blamed me, some people said “oh dang your dad is abusive”, and some people took the “your parents are trying their best” tack. In retrospect I think that made me doubt if God’s messaging to these people could really be trusted. Then, in about April, the question of hell came up again. I was helping in the church’s budding youth ministry at the time and we had about four regular attendees between the ages of 12 and 18. There were about three weeks in a row when one of the other adults (I’ll call her Kelly for the purposes of not doxxing; also more on her later) talked at length about how unbelief leads to hell. I remembered that atheist from creative writing, made the connection to these four kids, and thought, “what the hell are we doing?” (Pun not intended but rather convenient.) I immediately backed down from my role in the youth ministry, citing other equally valid but less pressing reasons involving stress from the issues with my dad, and tried to go on with life. But the floodgates were open. 

In late May or early June, I was staring out a window one morning and suddenly a question crossed my mind unbidden: “Is God a narcissist?” I thought back to a relatively recent sermon by the associate pastor in which he explained that the purpose of the world was “for God’s glory”, to some apparent sudden flights of rage, and some other factors in the scriptures, and thought, “holy shit, I need to investigate this, because God is also very adjacent to narcissism.” It took a hot minute for the ball to really get rolling with that, but once it did... I came to a point by late June or early July where I delivered an ultimatum to God, something to the tune of “Ok, either show me how all these questions I have can be answered beyond a doubt or I’m done.” 

There was no answer. 

God was silent during this time, and the people in the church were shocked that I had the questions I did and either concerned or ...rather spicy. I joined an ex-Christian discord server to aid in a proper, thorough investigation. I aired my questions both there and on a Christian discord server. The Christian server was toxic as fuck and the ex-Christians started making a crazy amount of sense. I watched some videos from Cosmic Skeptic and TheraminTrees (most notably the latter’s deconversion story) for new perspectives and, by mid-August, had crashed out of the faith altogether.

So the last time I ever stepped into a church with the intent of attending service (I showed up after once in January of 2020 to kinda let them know and that went pretty badly lol) was about two weeks before I started college again in the fall. I burned all but one of my Bibles and a collection of gospel tracts I never did anything else with and stylized it like my limited understanding of what a satanic/pagan ritual looked like, complete with a chant in my conlang Aylaan for a more personal twist because of course, to feel edgy. (I did a lot of kind of weird shit to feel edgy; that’s one of two of them I’m sure I don’t regret.) And after that, things got ...ah, confusing?

Because of course when the linchpin of your understanding of the world gives way, everything becomes fucked for a hot minute. 

So the first thing that happened was a couple months of anxiety and confusion. I slowly started to deconstruct my inherited political views too. (More on that later.) Then I had this really beautiful interesting moment in late September where I walked past a tree on the way to a class and had a sudden realization that I didn’t have to force the tree into a Christian framework anymore, it was just a beautiful mass of green shit and cellulose. I could appreciate it in whatever way I felt was best. I damn near broke down crying in the bathroom before class, it hit me that hard. So that’s fun xD

Since then I’ve kinda gone through a bunch of funky phases with this, including a couple of months of fairly salty atheism. Along with that process, I started questioning my sexuality in December (more on that in another post in a minute lmao it’s a trip) and literally shredding my politics in the face of Trump being a crackhead in a dangerous position getting away with confirmed illegal shit, COVID-19 and the ...dehumanizing responses of corporations and their sponsored politicians, and then what I noticed about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and the fallout from that. (In a nutshell, holy FUCK there’s a huge problem and it’s messed up that people don’t see it.) At this point, I’m socially progressive and pretty left leaning. I don’t know what the hell to do about it or how either other than some of the tense discussions I’ve been having, but I’d like to work against racism and discrimination too. So that’s cool and a lot better than where I was... 

which... I regret deeply.

I don’t know exactly how to define my old political views, and they were marked by considerable cognitive dissonance. I’ll try to illustrate this as best I can but I don’t know what label I can use. Here goes. 

Cursed images aside, I think the best way to explain this is through some background, i.e. what my parents believe, because my beliefs were largely inherited. 

This might be majorly over-simplified and based on what I remember of my own pre-deconstruction views and what I hear them say lately. I’m doing my best, but take it with a grain of salt. Basically, it seems like they walk this weird line between constitutionalist and very authoritarian that I see a hell of a lot of in rural America. Kinda like the Republic party used to before they yeeted into Trump’s mindfuck wholeheartedly. They’re homophobic to a rather alarming degree (more on that in another post soon) and not ...overtly Christian-supremacist but you can tell that their ethics are dripping with it and they’re terrified of Islam and they’d like to legislate some aspects of Christian morality. They also support the second amendment, which is the one thing I still agree with them on that I’m aware of, but they take it to more of an extreme than I’m willing to. For further ...flavor, they also reject the premise that parts of our society are systemically racist (and maybe also the idea that such a thing is even possible because of course), subscribe to the “bootstrap theory” for everything they can think to apply it to, reject climate science, and have been extremely conspiratorial about COVID-19. Also they like making it out like everything is a Democrat conspiracy theory, compare the Democrats to Hitler and Stalin to a weird degree, have on at least one occasion called Fox Motherfucking News left-leaning, and think Alex Jones is wacky but sometimes raises valid points. 

So that’s, in a nutshell, a bit of a look at my past political views, except I think I was a bit more Christian-dominionist than them and I think I had moments of “...does this really make any sense?” for years before I crashed out of everything. The first domino was my Christianity, but once that fell, my entire approach to the world went some places. 

So ...yeah. Oof. I was sketchy as shit. Glad that’s changed. 

So uh... I’ve already mentioned a vague (read: as much detail as I feel confident providing) description of my political views now, but after all this bullshit let’s finally get to the other half of my titular current beliefs. This ...isn’t going to be easy to explain either, but I feel more confident going into more detail. Buckle up :^)

Alright. So except for a couple of months where I was like “there is no god reeee” half because I was sOmE hYpErInTeLlEcTuAl SkEpTiC and half because of trauma from the toxic flavor of Christianity I left and some shitty developments in both politics and my social circles (I’ll talk at some length about “Kelly” in a sec here I think), since leaving Christianity I’ve always been what I’ll call “hopeful agnostic” (I think I stole this term from Rhett and/or Link lol). In a nutshell, what that means to me is “there may or may not be a god, but I hope there is at least one and they’re nice, or like, at least some spiritual thing that has a good aspect that can help me”. I also dabble in shitty rituals where I burn dead plants and occasionally also hate literature like gospel tracts (and, that one time, a couple of bibles) and basically call on “anyone who is listening and gives a fuck, else the placebo effect” for whatever my goal is. Like... witchy-adjacent but I don’t think about it very much at this stage. I kind of enjoy it, and I think for one reason or another it can be good for my mental health, but I’m wary of any kind of commitment or even more serious experimentation, even as I hope to find something good, because ...trauma, and maybe even absent that a desire to not be wrong in a way that’s dangerous to anyone else again. So that’s fun :^)

So if you’ve made it this far through this weird bullshit, thanks, this story is kind of important to me xD and if you couldn’t, and you’re not reading this ending thingy because it got too dark or it pissed you off or something, that’s cool too and you’re beautiful and valid. Whoever you are, I hope you find whatever healing you need. :)

[thatjwguy]

Bullet For My Valentine - Tears don't fall (Lyrics)

Well, not really a better title for this sorta post... i personally have been making amends with my past and or present. This song indirectly says everything that i would like to say in this post to be honest. still i feel i should elaborate to some extent as to not leave people in the dark, i feel like that much is owed to the person who decides to read this post. so before we go further, just know im not a hardcore emo fan, just like this particular song since it speaks volumes to my current situation. Nothing against people who love this style, i see the appeal.

This is going to border on the lines of insanity but its really more of a spiritual issue. How shall i start this trip down my rabbit hole of weirdness. Lets go back 3 or so years ago. This is about the time i had my first breakdown, it was induced by weed but not the cause of it. I was already predisposed to this disorder from the get go, iv done some research on this already. Look up how marijuana does not cause symptoms of schizophrenia but that it can induce it depending upon the individual who uses the substance. just wanted to point these things out in case someone trys to label me a anti-pot advocate or something to that effect.

Im gonna lay this all out as clear as possible but without pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad. This was all my own doing, my mind took a break and decided to go on vacation. I was in this trance-like state for quite awhile after the initial break. I started to see hallucinations, visions, apparitions, hear voices and so on and so forth. Mental illness should never be taken lightly, neither do the spiritual elements to this world we currently live in. Sorry for leaving ya hang for a bit, i just feel these sorta things should be put up front so the reader has and idea of where im coming from. So, lets continue i promise not to go on too long of tangents, at least i hope not. 

Three years is a while to be dealing with stuff like this, it takes a major toll on you as a person. People tend to shrug off stuff like this as if can be as simple as just flipping a switch, let me tell ya, nothing could be further from the truth. While i was in the midst of this mental delusion or breakdown i was also dabbling with the occult to some extent, well i was trying to expose things in the world related to the occult. I listened to people like Alex Jones and other truthers out there on the interwebs. Perhaps i had the break for a reason, since opening your eyes to the world around you really does have a deep impact on you as a human. I guess some people arent ready to be awakened to the matrix, i feel like i fit the bill for that one. 

I was also deep into certain forms of entertainment, which may or may not be within the realm of the occult to some degree. I won't say they are, just that spiritually speaking, we are all exposed to this world, spiritual darkness/light does exist so we must come to terms with this idea right now. These forms of entertainment were that of heavy metal music, horror movies, video games etc. etc. So you could begin to see how this might play a role in someone's environment not being so healthy, not to mention genetic predispositions or trauma experienced during childhood.  So no blame is being put anywhere here, just need to lay it all out there so people can fully understand what could possibly make situations worse for people suffering from these illnesses. 

Again, i must apologize since i do babble, i am laying out the groundwork for how all of this happened and help others understand it better. So in this day we live in people believe in many ideologies. Too many to name right off but i will mention that i did try to do the New Age thing at one point during all this. Since the voices kept insisting this was some form of ascending or something to that effect. You hear terms like this often with New Age beliefs, ascended masters, 3rd eye-opening, gods/goddess, soulmates/twinflames. All sorts of interesting perspectives to the things that are actually happening. I say that since i come from a biblical background, i believe this is just a deception from the Devil, not some form of spiritual awakening (False Awakening). 

I mention the twin flame thing since that seemed to be something they wanted me to know about, they wanted to lead me in a direction that i was somehow spiritually connected to people i was never actually connected to. I fell into a trap in my mind, thinking it was real and that i was somehow connected to celebrities or public figures iv never even met. Just cause my mind was gone, and also since with this belief, people do actually think they are all connected to one another universally or something like that. Like some sort of cosmic beehive that we are all apart of, we can tap into that only if we go through the ranks and reach Christ consciousness. Again i don't believe these things, its just what i see out there. I would encourage you to investigate this for yourself. 

Everyone has the desire to know more about their existence, so thats what i was trying to do. To figure out where i came from or how everything came to be. The problem was my heart/mind was not in the right place. I was doing things for selfish reasons. I not only wanted to be apart of something more than myself, i also wanted to have things i could not have. So perhaps this was that outlet for me, to live out a fantasy of sorts but in a spiritual way since in reality, i knew something like this could not be. I wanted to believe i could connect with people on a conscious leavel, like a telephone call or something like that. With the new age, they say you can tap into that christ like consciousness and experience something along the lines of telepathy.

So, that's how i thought for a while, that the voices were like a telepathic line to some of these people. I fell in love with that idea until i found out it was a deception. Why wouldn't you want to believe you had some sort of ability to talk to people using only your mind. Since my heart was in the wrong place tho, i ended up abusing what i thought was power. I used it to try indirectly message people. Thinking i was actually talking to the people in my head, even though that was never the case. This is why i called it insanity in the beginning, you cant make this stuff up folks, i thought i was talking to people in my head in real life. Not only that but i also had lucid dreams involving those people. So in my reality, this was happening, no matter how you explained it to me. 

This is how the trap was laid out for me, i fell for it hook line and sinker. I also developed an obsession with some of the celebrities associated with the voices in my head. Thinking they knew about all of it too, just not really coming right out and saying it since they don't want to damage their image or make things public you know. I mean really, who would come out and make something like this public, they would look pretty insane just like i am right now. So, let me be clear, iv had psych help and meds help me to come back to reality since all of this happened. I no longer believe any of this, i just think i had a really wild fantasy that turned out to be a spiritual and psychological problem. 

As wild as it may appear, i think many out there do believe these sorta things. Look up youtube videos. People do believe they can have astral sex or spiritual sex with spirits or other people. So, im not that crazy for believing these things. Many people fall into these traps wanting to believe in something more, which isn't all bad, just misguided thats all. My main issue tho is that i was torn between two different women in my head, even more if i wanted to be completely honest with myself. I had talked myself into believing i was telepathically connected to women i would never have a chance with in real life. That they even wanted me at one point... yeah, pretty bizarre thinking pattern i know. So, kids dont do drugs or dabble in the occult cause you might get sucked into thinking you have godlike powers lol. 

I suppose my heart was just torn on the people i admired or had a crush on, perhaps at one point i even considered polyamory as an option. I was so selfish in thinking i could have these things and never really stopping to think, well what do they think about this, or i don't even deserve this at all. Just the gull in that line of thinking alone is enough to make me almost hate myself for even trying to make these fantasy women love me, all of them. I was basically being a player in the spiritual sense. So, yeah, you can guess how all of that played out. Many fights inside my head about beliefs and even with the women in my head. You wanna know what insanity is, try having imaginary voices of pissed off women in your head every day for 3 years. 

You may ask yourself, do i still hear them. Yes to some degree i do, but medications and therapy have helped me cope with all of this. Do i still love the people who are in my head, yes on a human level i still love them very much. Despite it all being just in my head, i just want them to be alright and know i was never trying to hurt them, just wanted to be loved by someone. Yes, it does appear to me that i needed to fix the wrong i had done, even if it was just in my head, the voices are still very real and do get mad when you act out or are a jerk, just like in real life. So i have used that as a tool to help me grow as a person, knowing we are all flawed and make mistakes. I needed to mend my mind and make peace with them. So this is also how im doing that, trying to make peace. 

In the end i was completely off the deep end in all this thinking, now i must live with the choices iv made. Even if iv never really hurt anyone in the real world, i still need to make this right, just on a personal level. Also even in Gods eyes, this could be something very real to him, doing things of that nature. Imagine, people do actually do things of that nature in the real world, play games with people and make them feel like they are the only one. When i reality they are cheating around every corner with some other person, either just because or for other unknown reasons. Maybe they just never see eye to eye or people just want to live that rock n roll style life and bed multiple partners just for the sake of saying they did. For me tho, i really want just one woman, just one who i know will be there for me and will stick with me no matter how hard it gets, Even with my mental illness she sees im a good man, trying to make it work. 

I know a woman like that still exists out there despite all the BS you hear from other men or even women for that matter. Perhaps i will find her in my faith, which is the thing Jehovah God would want, or maybe in the world. Some things are better left unknown. Just know that when the time is right, it will happen, not by force, but just because we are both ready to be in a committed relationship, not matter what gets in our way, we will have faith. Yes, this just turned into a post about me having women trouble, not entirely but yeah, i am pretty caught up in these things in my head so i must be honest with you. So now i guess you have a bit more insight into the way my mind works. Never again will i go into this much detail about my psych break. So consider yourself blessed or cursed with more knowledge of this random dude on the internet. 

Im about done here, so thanks for dropping by to go down this deep pit of my mind. I love you for doing that, just for caring enough to sit through this long and drawn out post about a guy having women problems in his head, its much more than just that but yeah. That's just the overly simplified version of this mess so that i don't get people too confused. Even though im betting you stil are, even i find myself still questioning these things from time to time. Well, that about does it, i have to get going, the voices are telling me i need to go play the new spiderman game that just came out, yes it is very awesome, i would definitely recommend you try it. 

[kicksparkleaxe-blog]

I actually no longer drink alcohol or take any drugs at all at this time, because on August 23rd, 2013, a group of men gang-raped me at The Lorenzo near USC, and I remember that three men did rape me, and their names were Antonio Longobardo (Tony Longo), John Sullivan, and Edward Rolwes, and that’s a very intense and lengthy narrative which I will express when it does.

Anyways, I actually used to love drinking prior to their attacking me, and I mostly drank variations on Macallan, Wild Turkey, and Johnnie Walker as I really love whisky, but I drank two shots of Johnnie Walker the night those men gang-raped me, so mainly since, I don’t drink, and my lucidity has saved me when other people have attempted to rape me, because sexual offenders often abuse their power, and they use whatever skills and privilege they have in order to attack, and they’re disaster artists, so they can drink anywhere. 

I would actually love to drink and explore alternate modes of consciousness, but only if I record it, and control my environment or anyone present. I’m positive that the substances we consume alter the processing of our sense data and manipulate our consciousness and unearth realms inside of us that are usually inaccessible, and I would actually love to do that, but I hold the camera now. 

I am my own muse, as I create and amuse myself. Every women should be her own muse, every person in fact. Do not let other people post musings about you or cast a static frame of you when you are always changing; do not inspire a brand or another creative, be your own, and should someone mine your essence for their own diamonds, know that others can always find you, the source.

You are the source of everything you do if you realize that you control your narrative and your movements and your mind and the expression of all that you store, and we store everything in our body, so do not let anyone else control your story. 

Your story is your destiny, so you define your story, you write yourself, and you hack any system that tries to alter you without your consent. 

A model can inspire an artist. But someone who is their own muse inspires the world, for they are a Goliath in a David of their own, and they move through the halls of history with the greats. 

Never be a model. Be a conceptual art piece, a performance, a player, an actor, an athlete, a thinker, an experiment, a break dance, a rap, a trap of deeper minds, a slam poem, a visual artist, a hacker, a programmer, everything at every time. 

Consider everything you do and think and believe and consume and expose yourself to with care and caution because you don’t deserve the pain others choose to inflict or which the world inflicts so protect your heart with your wits, but let everything in, and always respond, do not react, and record so that when you react, you know how to hack your autocratic sense. 

Be an actor, realize that a surface is a mask, and manipulate yourself, for you are the instrument; men should not be your pulse, you are your pulse. Society loves dead white girls, because they want idols; do not let anyone deify you, tell them they must deify themselves, and always be grateful and humble, and know everyone is equal in a cosmic sense no matter what they do. 

Do not aspire to celebrity, for celebrities inherently steal others’ sunshine and spotlight, and that’s also an anti-democratic impulse. Believe in yourself, and believe in everyone else, even against all the odds and agony, and distrust what is considered true, and trust all the absent space, because the negative space also defines an object, and what is missing tends to be the most interesting of all. 

I enjoy this nap dress because it spoofs Gap, and the word Gap reminds me of what’s between a women’s legs or the Gulf War. Who a woman is should not be defined by an absence, because you’re everyone you’ve interacted with. 

There is no gap, just a society that doesn’t see femme-identified people, and other minorities, when a minor key is always more interesting than a major. Mine the minute moments and spaces for the infinity they hold. A major hogs the attention, a minor is a mirror of what it feels like to be alone, and there is an arrow in that sorrow to hit the origin of it all.

Collect everyone you know, and color in the absence with a black light and neon, be a neon Venus in a world as black as coal.

Be and become and create yourself to crack the technicolor spectrums inside, in a human world that falsely believes you are a gap due to your uniqueness, authenticity, and threat. 

The body and the universe and all your thumb prints and stories store everything, even when others will not buy it due to fallacious optics of who matters when we are all matter, and the environment and you will know your thunder, even if others will not admit it. 

"The Gulf War” is interesting, because a gulf is an absence that one believes they cannot bridge. You can bridge any absence with construction and a bond, and any broken structure can be fixed again, so there is no need to war except others who do not believe that. 

War is a warehouse of people who oppressors want to deny, the people who build the world with industry, who are humble. 

It also sounds like wear, because wear your wear and tear like a badge always, as life belongs to the soldiers, and a foot soldier is always more courageous and strong than a general who sends him to a war no one needs to fight. 

Think on your feet always, and record the way you move through every space, mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, locational, and in time and history, every dimension contains a space you must fill yourself in relation to every other facet and refraction. 

A general is called a general, because they are clueless, and they do not realize that a generalization hides the multitudes inside. Never be a general when you can be a polymath, because this is all code and philosophy and every subject is in you and must be mastered, and to be a polymorph is to be everything, and always be evolving so the world does not leave you behind.

Research, annotate, demolish, rebuild, sample everything, trust strangers, do not trust the familiar, because if you are ever too comfortable, that is a passivity that will hurt you. Always be searching and discovering and making, that is what response rather than reaction is. You are art itself, never be a muse or an artist, know that you are art, art is creation, and it is knowing that you are that pulsating spark, all the time.

I dropped out of USC due to legal and social trouble which I will get to, but most visionaries realized that institutions do not have vision, they confine people and they get inside you, and they have you repeat the past in a way which is calcified, which is not novel. 

But I wear my cunning exile around my neck, it is an heirloom, not a noose. Every pain someone else inflicts can be a noose or an heirloom, a treasure which watches and inspires you, or it can choke you. 

Never choke, swan dive into any wormhole, as that’s how you spawn into a new space, and newness it always good, even if it is difficult, because something new is always an adaptation of what preceded it. 

If you are scared, force yourself to jump. You should loom your inheritance with your own weave, you must spin your own destiny or the Fates shall cut the strings and fashion you into a puppet, so realize everything is strung together, atom by atom and brick by brick.

Sewing the fabrics together is connecting the fabric of reality into a patchwork that maps the whole, so be a cartographer, every patch is a piece of work, and all work is kinetic energy, and all kinetic energy is a bounce that shakes this grid we must break. 

So if someone rips you, weave, bob, bounce, anything, and sew your tears up to everything else you’ve ever done, as the strands of time wire everything that exists, like your hair or your muscles or every cell reflects what you’ve experienced and made. 

You make yourself, you do yourself, you exist in the present-progressive, so be mindful, fill your mind with the shifting and shimmering and infinite gemstone of reality, or you will be an absence where it refracts its celebrities and idols, and that is all falsehood and counterfeit.

You are your own prophet, but have no idols, and celebrate yourself every moment, because every moment is an invitation to respond, and every response is art. 

A noose has a duplication of an absence inside. If you see a pattern and it is empty, fill it with everything you know and can do. Do not die because of sorrow, die for everything that pierces sorrow with a sonic boom. 

If someone wants to kill your for your beliefs and you have no fear, even if humans don’t remember your name, you will echo in the structure of all the spaces you inhabited and all your interactions, and that’s enough. 

Be so revolutionary and true that people refuse to see it, be so revolutionary that the oppressors want you dead. Destroy power, and master everything you can. That’s what mastery is. 

It is honoring your own divinity and everyone else’s, it is spitting at prestige which is a shell corporation for many rotting cores and teeth, trust me, people forced me into “prestigious” situations like Sage Hill School and USC, and I have personally seen the rot in the mouths of the gabbers who speak without thinking.

I crawl into any maw and I inspect, I drill and I excavate danger if I cannot evacuate, and if something bothers you, catch it in a mason jar like a firefly and fashion it into a harpoon of lightning. 

So yes, I have seen the celebrities and the rich, and anyone who wants to steal the vantage point or the space is a hoarder of illusions and delusions of grandeur, and many rich people are poor inside. 

So yes, I have records of everything, I’m posting them under different names on every platform. I am only afraid of illusions, I know I control the optics now, and I will tell you everything, and people can harm me for my truth. I would die for it. 

They already have harmed me and destroyed me much, and I’m still alive, and I choose to not be defeated. If people want to hurt you, it is because your strength threatens their solipsism, autocracy, and narcissism. Lean in to the belly of the beast, inside is a key to get out.

[eng251unvoicedthoughts]

                                        Spirituality and Religion

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds” (Westover 257). In Education written by Tara Westover, the mental slavery Westover is referring to is the lack of knowledge due to sheltered lifestyle or extreme belief sets. It’s at this point in the novel when Westover realizes that she needs to get her vaccinations done. Westover’s eccentric parents are against any kind of medical assistance, even in life or death situations. Her parents use essential oils to treat third degree burns as well as any other kind of injury. When I told my mom about this book and the similarities I felt our own family had with Westover’s family, my mom decided to read it. To preface these similarities, I’ll first shed some light on the parallels that can be drawn between Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris and Educated: A Memoir. Harris unveils an authoritative manipulation approach within religion. The “self-deception” and “exploited trust” one is susceptible to when being taught by a spiritual teacher can be due merely to the setup of them being the intellectual superior in that given situation. “The bishop and I met every Sunday until that spring. To me he was a patriarch with authority over me, but he seemed to surrender that authority the moment I passed through his door” (Westover 200). Although Westover paints her bishop in a more forgiving light, the fact that he had authority over her is not shied away from, it is written barefaced to help explain the gapping hierarchy. The hierarchy within the Bishop’s office followed her into her own home. Westover was abused mentally and physically by her older brother and mentally by her father. Nobody within the household would stand up to either male figure, even Westover’s mother was described many times to back down to the will of her father due to it being “a man’s house”. Although my family is very loving now and I am very fortunate, my household was once abusive as well, leaving my mother, my two older brothers, and me running from my father, staying with different friends of my mother’s to avoid my father finding us.  Maybe this is a coincidence and has nothing to do with the religion of my father, but I’ve always wondered if the hierarchy of males within the Mormon church has swayed the treatment of the women. Westover explains some of the teachings within the Latter-Day Saint church, “As a child I’d been taught-by my father but also in Sunday school that in the fullness of time God would restore polygamy, and in the afterlife, I would be a plural wife” (Westover 245). I, as well as most women within the church I’m sure, have always taken issue with this. Once, my sophomore year of college I asked my Bishop if it were reversed, and the men were told that in heaven they would be plural husbands to their wives, if he would still believe in the faith, to which he replied along the lines of, “Yes, if that were God’s will”. If the doctrine were changed, I honestly don’t see as many men being members of the church and I also don’t think sexism- against women, would be as prevalent.

“So long as it is impossible to distinguish among those women who requested the sealing after Joseph Smith’s death, and those who wanted an additional sealing in a Utah temple to further solemnize a ceremony of some sort that had taken place in Nauvoo, I will keep the umber of wives tentatively at forty- eight” (Brodie 12). Early polygamy within the Mormon church is widely known known by its members. Westover, author of Educated: A Memoir writes of her experience growing up within a Mormon family and being taught the origin of polygamy amidst her religion at an early age, “I had never made my peace with it. As a girl I had often imagined myself in heaven, dressed in a white gown, standing in a white gown, standing in a pearly mist across from my husband. But when the camera zoomed out there were ten women standing behind us, wearing the same white dress” (Westover 245). Brodie helps bring forthright research to these warily brought up religious topics.

Harris writes of the account of Tibetan lama Chogyam Trungpa where he orders a young girl to be stripped of her clothing and paraded around. While this is sexual assault, Harris writes that Trungpa’s followers viewed this occurrence as “a spiritual teaching meant to subdue their egos” (Harris 160). Within The Last Podcast On the Left with Ben Kissel, Henry Zebrowski, and Marcus Parks also tackle a time when Latter-Day Saint prophet, Joseph Smith safeguarded his way through illegal, degrading actions. According to their findings, Joseph had an affair on his wife and was caught doing so, before announcing his revelation for polygamy. However, members of the Latter-Day Saint faith are told his reasons for polygamy were to ensure celestial glories for the women of that time since there were more women than men and the women would need to be sealed. How many other teachings of the church have subtly quieted women into uncomfortable acceptance? If uncareful, will certain hierarchies within religions translate to feelings of superiority within the home?

Another similarity my mom informed me that the same essential oil that the Westover parents end up selling, Miracle Remedy, is the same essential oil the doctors had prescribed my brother after he had gotten in his motorcycle accident (Westover’s brother also got in a severe motorcycle accident). I’m unsure if it’s coincidence or if Idaho just has some bizarre medical practices. One time I was recommended a place to help with my scoliosis. When I walked in, the lady had me lay down and proceeded ask me questions about if I rest my tongue on the bottom of my mouth or press it against the top, as this can affect the shape of my spine. She began to move my feet in circular rotations, saying she was moving them the opposite direction that my mind was wanting them to go. She then placed both hands under my back, closed her eyes, and stayed motionless. She then explained that she had been thinking, ‘move apart’. That by having my mom do this with me every night before bed, that my spine would slowly start to regain its correct shape. I’m curious about other experiences people within Idaho and the rest of the world have had and if witch remedies are especially popular in rural Idaho. 

           Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris offers the audience methods of meditation to serve as proxy of religion. As the title of the book would suggest, spirituality is brought to the forefront, allowing the reader to delve into their own spirituality while questioning the methods of religion. Referenced in the annotation for Educated: A Memoir, Harris explains the perceived deception that can happen within hierarchies of religion, “A relationship with a guru, or indeed with any expert, tends to run along authoritarian lines. You don’t know what you need to know, and the expert presumably does; that’s why you are sitting in front of him in the first place (Harris 159).

Alan Watts is a British speaker that lived during the 1900s. He often spoke or wrote on philosophy as well as Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism. Watts explains in his speech, the enticing and manipulative tactics of religions. Through explaining the manipulative process of  “only through this church will you be saved” tactic, Watts goes on to explain the inner workings of someone going through this decision making process, “You have to have an ingroup, see, if you want to know who you are. If you want to belong to something, say you want to distinguish yourself, because you know who you are because of the people that aren’t like you. There you get a contrast; this is the most basic arrangement for a church” (Watts).  Watts explains that through religion, the only way to avoid the “sinking beneath the human level or heresy” is to fall susceptible to the guilt trap of religion that has been around since Adam and Eve. It is only through the assurance of someone else’s damnation that one can ensure their own salvation.  It is then explained that those who are saved and those that are damned are synonymous to one another, that they need each other.  Watts then explains the hierarchy of power within churches, that is explained in Waking Up as well as Educated, that doubles as a means of preventing the members of the church from acting out or not knowing their place.

I recently was able to watch a couple episodes of Tiger King. Although I don’t fully understand the hype it’s generated, I couldn’t help but draw comparisons between the show, religion, and spirituality. The staff working on these cat farms are paid $100 an hour, so other than working with exotic animals, why would they stay?On Carole Baskin’s farm, she has organized a hierarchy through her employees through the color of shirts they wear. The longer they’ve worked there, the higher ranking of shirt they’re given, and the more attention received from Carole Baskin. This reminded me of the levels of priesthood within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Similar levels are given to the young women within the church as they progress through their teenage years. By being recognized through these levels, people are more likely to stay in particular organizations or cults. Another element that stood out was the admittance to luring in those that only have that job as their last resort. They are in desperate need financially, emotionally or both. How many religious members are using their beliefs or their religious community as a refuge from what they’re dealing with and sometimes, because of this, refuse to believe anything else?

Within Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, it reads, “Let this saying of Epicurus come to your aid, that ‘pain is neither unendurable nor everlasting, if you keep its limits in mind and do not add to it through your own imagination’. And remember this too, that many disagreeable feelings are really just the same as pain although we do not perceive them to be so-” (Aurelius 67). Harris writes about pain and the customariness of pain being perceived as negative until it is suddenly associated to growth, such as after a workout. Harris goes on to write about the emotional difference it would make if people regularly associated all pain with progression.

One of Joe Exotic’s employees ends up losing their arm due to a tiger attack. Although her arm ends up needing to be amputated, she jumps right back into work after her surgery. She did this so that Joe Exotic’s business wouldn’t face the repercussions of her injury. How many times do people subconsciously force themselves to believe in a prayer or a blessing given to them because brief disappointment is better than no longer having something to believe in?

While some authors can accomplish objectivity in discussing Joseph’s Character, others cannot be as subdued. “Blavatsky’s contemporary Joseph Smith, a libidinous con man and crackpot, was able to found a new religion on the claim that he had unearthed the final revelations of God in the hallowed precincts of Manchester, New York, written in “reformed Egyptian” on golden plates” (Harris 25). Harris continues to explain The Book of Mormon as an “embarrassing pastiche of plagiarisms from the Bible and silly lies about Jesus’s life in America” (Harris 25). Although Harris’s book is partially centered around the negative constructs of religion, I found it particularly unusual that his published views on certain religious figures were as bristly when religion was not his main focus. Although Harris’s objective of retaining spirituality in the absence of religion is aided through these views, I would prefer to shy away from harsh verbiage when discussing religion. Objectivity can be found throughout Westover’s writing, she includes a disclaimer at the beginning of her book explaining that her experiences with her Mormon family should not be a reflection of the religion itself, nor does the book showcase her own religious conviction. Westover touches on the organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,  “My father wanted to visit the Sacred Grove in Palmyra, New York- the forest where, according to Joseph Smith, God had appeared and commanded him to found the true church” (Westover 300).  Westover continues by explaining a common teaching amongst Mormons and the importance associated with Joseph Smith and the “first vison” that led to the publication of The Book of Mormon. “As a child in Sunday school, I’d been taught that all history was a preparation for Mormonism: that every event since the death of Christ had been fashioned by God to make possible the moment when Joseph Smith would kneel in the Sacred Grove and God would restore the one true church” (Westover 318).

Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor, wrote Meditations, thoughts on stoic philosophy between 161- 180AD. Although this book tends to be more popular amongst seculars than the Bible, the amount of similarities between the two books is unexpected.  “You entered the world as a part, and you will vanish back into that which brought you to birth; or rather, you will be received back into its generative reason through a process of change” (Aurelius 26). This strikes similarity with John: 3 in The Bible when Jesus is speaking to Nicodemus, ruler of the Jews. “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” to which Nicodemus answers, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?” (p. 1328). “Rarely is a person seen to be in a bad way because he has failed to attend to what is happening in someone else’s soul, but those who fail to pay careful attention to the motions of their own souls are bound to be in a wretched state” (Aurelius 12). When Jesus is preaching the Sermon on the Mount St. Mathew 7: 3, the same concept is taught, “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” (p. 1197).

Another comparison between the two accords can be made regarding Aurelius’s description of Maximus in his last days, “How he behaved to the tax-collector at Tusculum who asked for his forgiveness, and his general conduct in such matters. He was never harsh, or implacable, or overbearing-” (Aurelius 8). This is similar to the forgiveness shown in The Bible when Jesus is giving the parable of the self- righteous pharisee and the humbled publican. Within St Luke 18: 12-14 it reads, “I fast tice in the week I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner” (p. 1308). Both stories hold the emphasized motif of being kind to someone that debt is owed to.

At this point throughout Aurelius’s writings I begin thinking that Meditations, to me, reads as a characterless version of The Bible and in doing so, provides a stripped version of religion down to the basic beliefs of spirituality. Sam Harris, author of Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion explains the taboo structure behind defining or even comparing spirituality to religion, “They don’t always point to the same underlying reality- and when they do, they don’t do it equally well. Nor are all these teachings equally suited for export beyond the cultures that first conceived them… In one sense, all religions and spiritual practices must address the same reality- because people of all faiths have glimpsed many of the same truths” (Harris 20). Harris goes on to explain that the fact that many religions have quoted from or adopted other religion’s beliefs, testifies that human interconnections outweigh the strength of religion. I find the ties between these two blatantly different accounts beautiful and a witness of the similarities between all human hearts and intellect.

[stopsubstanceabuse1-blog]

Types of Domestic Violence – Signs and What You Can Do

New Post has been published on https://www.substanceabuseprevention.net/types-of-domestic-violence-signs-and-what-you-can-do/

Types of Domestic Violence – Signs and What You Can Do

While abuse is often stereotypically portrayed in only one manner, as physical violence, there are actually several types of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a problem that affects millions of people in all types of relationships — traditional marriages, same-sex partnerships, and relationships where there is no sexual intimacy involved. The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.”

The Types of Domestic Violence

According to the U.S. DOJ, five types of domestic violence exist, and each has a devastating effect on those involved — including witnesses of the abuse. These include:

Physical violence

The use of physical force against another. Examples include hitting, shoving, grabbing, biting, restraining, shaking, choking, burning, forcing the use of drug/alcohol, and assault with a weapon. Physical violence may or may not result in an injury that requires medical attention.

Sexual violence

The violation of an individual’s bodily integrity (sexual assault), including coercing sexual contact, rape and prostitution, as well as any unwelcome sexual behavior (sexual harassment), including treating someone in a sexually demeaning manner or any other conduct of a sexual nature, whether physical, verbal or non-verbal. Sexual abuse also includes behavior, which limits reproductive rights, such as preventing use of contractive methods and forcing abortion.

Economic abuse

Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent on the abuser. Examples of this include preventing or forbidding an intimate partner from working or gaining an education, controlling the financial resources and withholding access to economic resources.

Psychological abuse

Intimidation, threats of harm and isolation. Examples include instilling fear in an intimate partner through threatening behavior, such as damaging property or abusing pets, constant supervision or controlling what the victim does and who they talk to.

Further, spiritual abuse may be included as a type of psychological abuse. It involves the misuse of spiritual or religious beliefs to manipulate or exert power and control over an intimate partner. For example, using scripture to justify abuse or rearing the children in a faith or religious practice the partner has not agreed to.

Emotional abuse

Undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth. Examples of emotional abuse include constant criticism, name-calling, embarrassing, mocking and humiliating.

How to Recognize Domestic Abuse

These types of domestic abuse have many shades and variations, carefully customized by the abuser to use in his or her quest for power and control. Warning signs that a relationship may be abusive include a partner who:

Makes you feel like you’re never right

Is unreasonably jealous of other relationships

Questions time you spend away from them

Discourages other relationships, including with family

Shames you

Frightens you

Makes you feel like you can’t make decisions

Controls your actions and/or finances

Threatens your children or pets, or hurts them

Sexually mistreats you, or pushes you into sexual acts you’re not comfortable with

Physically threatens you, or hurts you

Family and friends can also help identify abuse by addressing changes in a loved one’s behavior, such as:

Inconsistent explanations: Victims may provide different excuses for the causes of their injuries due to fear of alerting others to the severity of their situation.

Alcohol abuse: Victims may use alcohol or other substances as a means to escape from their everyday reality of abuse.

Visible injuries: Bruises are the most common form of injury and turn purple to green to yellow as they heal.

How to Get Help

A common misconception surrounding these types of domestic violence is that the victim is not strong enough to leave, but it’s far more complex than that. Walking away from an abusive relationship is a process more than a single action. Victims usually make several attempts before they leave the abuser for good. That’s why community support is so important.

If you or someone you know has experienced domestic violence, you are not alone. These three resources are just some of many that can help victims and survivors of domestic violence find support and assistance in their communities.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233): Open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, this line is a resource for safety information and can connect any caller with shelters and protection advocates in her area.

VINE: Active in 47 states, VINE allows victims to search for an offender in custody by name or identification number, then register to be alerted if the offender has been released or transferred, or has escaped.

Women’s Law: This site has state-by-state legal information and resources for victims, as well as advice on how to leave an abusive situation, gather evidence of abuse, and prepare for court.

Remember, You Come First

If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it.

Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety or the safety of the victim you are concerned about. Focus on getting help and protecting yourself and those around you who are being impacted by these types of domestic violence.

Source: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/2018/10/types-of-domestic-violence-signs-what-you-can-do/

[sunriseoverseauniverse-blog]

The thing that scares me the most

is the thing that I want the most

need the most.

It’s a simple little thing

a concept that has been the hardest thing ever in my world

to grasp.

I want to be rescued from my prison

like rapunzel

cinderella

sleeping beauty

snow white

fairy tale stories about women

who get stuck in their current conditions

and can only see their redemption

when a man comes along to save them.

A knight in shining armour

a romantic lovers freeing first kiss

the saviour

to whisk them away

sweep them off their feet

take them anywhere but

here.

Of course I want to be saved

like all of these fairy tale women before me.

My biggest question of all is… why didn’t they just leave?

They were all living in these oppressive horrible homes 

Abusive lives

Are you fucking serious? 

They were portrayed as helpless as fuck 

Hey, which is stupid, because woman are some of the strongest humans 

That I have ever known. 

But still, a lot of us were brought up this way

I don’t deny it at all because it has plagued me up until now 

This ridiculous belief that I can’t, couldn’t ever, leave on my own.

I listened as well

I started to believe it

I tried on my own twice, well, one really

Even then I was dreaming of my perfect guy 

Thinking he was coming back for me.

He was never coming back for me, this was my hot mess to kick.

Um yeah, this is my “pardon me” moment 

I’m 23 and on the verge of spontaneous combustion right 

And I am asking myself why.

Why are you stuck here in a situation that you hate, 

That you have hated for many many years now 

That is debilitating, isolating, humiliating, infuriating

That is abusive and destructive and painful to live in 

When all of my boundaries are bulldozed

Why don’t I just leave?

Yeah Tess, why don’t you just leave?

Because no one ever taught me about managing finances 

No one told me I deserve to have my freedom in cash money 

No one taught me how to invest, spend and save properly 

No one taught me about my financial future  

In fact, the opposite, finances were brought up in my early years 

When I was excluded from receiving money as gifts on birthdays, christmas 

Because I was judged as a child for wanting to spend my pocket money 

on lollies.... 

Yeah, like every other fucking kid! 

Ridiculousness.

I was raised on ridiculousness in terms of finances 

It’s fucked 

It highly influenced me to believe 

Well, the obvious thing, that it wasn’t my business 

Even though it was concerning me 

And that I couldn’t be responsible enough to manage it for myself 

Which is totally and completely fucked.

Why couldn’t the women in the fairy tales say something like this...

“This is fucking barbaric, you have no power over me by the laws of society or by the laws of existence itself, you a living in a fucking fairy tale literally and I think that you need to wake the fuck up to the fact that what you are doing to me keeping me here and attempting to hold me back for the sake of your own self esteem or success is actually fucking abusive and I am worth so much more than this, see you later!”.

And leave on their own accord, because frankly, they are worth more than that 

Then ride away into the sunset on their own white horse alone.

Why didn’t they just leave?

Why did they need a man to come save them?

Who the fuck wrote these stories?

More importantly, who the fuck started this sick belief? 

It goes back decades and decades. 

So many people, women or otherwise, need to be told that 

It’s not escape if you are leaving an abusive home.

It’s not running away if it’s from a life that hold’s you back.

It is the healthiest choice you can make to walk away when you are in 

A situation which is not safe, loving or sane to be living in. 

I’m talking about this for many reasons 

I have been reading a book on women and money 

How to break the mindset that someone is going to come and save us 

How instead we can save our money so we can save our selves 

Live our best life, you know, that shit.

People who can’t love me fully for who I am don’t actually deserve to have me around.

Do you know the most fucked up thing?

I am the woman from the fairy tale.

I am living a fairy tale life, I am literally living this exact life, I’m in a living hell, a prison, I feel trapped here, I am being told that it’s my fault, there are elements of multiple forms of abuse, and somehow I have been conditioned to believe that my only way to get out of it is to wait around for the perfect prince charming to sweep me off my feet, end my oppression and give me my happily ever after.

THAT IS SO FUCKED.

But you know why this happened right? Because I grew up being taught these fairy tales from BOOKS FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Literally drummed into me, us.

Not all of us, but fucking most right?

Be honest with yourself.

If it’s not you, good for you, I’m talking to the people like me who are in the midst of a fucking worldwide fuck up disaster of women being raised in a living fairy tale only whoops there is no prince and the people lied to us.

How does it feel to be lied to?

Yeah, pretty fucking shit right.

The best I have ever done for myself was when I had got up the courage and left.

Twice.

First, the man.

Second, the home.

That second time, when I had the guts to go leaving, again…

It’s some of the best, and worst, I have ever done for myself.

If I had believed that I was the only one who could save myself, I know for a fact things would have been different. Hind sight is a strange thing.

So.

I am not so much surprised by the romanticised idea of a lover 

Being such a huge part of a woman’s life 

Sure, that’s beautiful and wouldn’t it be so nice? 

The thing that concerns me so much about fairy tales 

Is that each of the characters home life 

IS SO GOD DAMN SHIT THAT THEY HATE IT THERE 

Every single one is portrayed with a horrible life 

A horrible HOME life

That’s what really worries me

Why do we have horrible home lives?

Why can’t our families and parents love us enough as we are?

Why can’t they embrace us, guide us, support us, encourage us 

To be self lead, financially free, accepting of love relationships that are 

Equally loving, caring, supportive of us 

Regardless of gender, status, whatever 

I don’t care so much about the minor details 

The nice stuff is all cool 

It’s the way that these women all endure living in abusive homes 

Being treated like shit by the people who are meant to be loving to them 

And I say ‘meant to’ be loving because well actually yeah 

Parents are meant to be loving towards their kids 

There is actually no excuse here 

Abuse is not a fault of the child

Wait a minute whoa inception...

Abuse from parent to child probably is related to the parents childhood

So technically where does the abuse actually start? 

If the parent is actually just an abused little child themselves?

It keeps going round in circles like the chicken and the egg

Okay so I don’t know the origin of this 

Anyway

I just need to think about 

The stories I was raised upon 

About how a girl, woman, lady, is meant to be 

How they are meant to live 

The classic vulnerable damsels in distress archetype 

And how it is A LOAD OF BULLSHIT 

AND IT IS ENCOURAGING STAYING IN ABUSIVE HOMES 

AND BEING ENDURING TO ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS 

Love or otherwise 

Mummy and daddy issues are the big one here

It’s a really destructive past belief at play 

One which hurts to endure and exist in 

One that is harmful and painful 

One that I am being to become conscious of 

And it scares me so much 

Because it creates so many opportunities to grieve. 

I’ve been grieving or trying to escape my grief 

Related to the fairy tale myths and how they are false 

For most of my years 

Crying about it and then feeling stupid for crying about it 

Because apparently it is only perceived in my head 

A stupid fucking use of a spiritual philosophy to escape being responsible

It has pained me so much to feel like the woman from the fairy tale 

But truth be told it’s also parallel to my experience

So I might as well be honest and say yeah

I am she

I am she now 

I shan’t be she for much longer 

Since I have been questioning everything I’ve ever been told.

Tonight has lent me a promise 

One that I will think of and remember and cling to 

Whether it be real which I pray that it is 

These are not my words but instead words written to me 

‘When you get this world figured out you won’t have to cry it out so much’

If this is my only ticket of hope for myself, 

This I will be taking 

My golden ticket to leaving this kind of she-lives-in-a-fairy-tale life

Is none other but myself.

In figuring this out, 

I will no longer have to weep and I will no longer have to sweep floors 

For people who treat me like I am below their level of importance

As if that even is a real fucking thing 

.

It’s becoming very clear that my one and only redemption is 

Me.