#Unlearning problematic behaviors

[mosquitogirl]

Do you feel like you’ve done the work of unlearning your past identity (sex) being a man? Sometimes I’m afraid to speak up to trans women who use to be cis men about certain behaviors they have. Sometimes I find them to be operating from a misogynistic and lack of understanding of others and it’s so uncomfortable to experience but also to even have that thought… I feel wrong for thinking that some trans women still have these behaviors from before transition and they can be so harmful but also use their identity as a shield from accountability. I don’t know how to have these conversations?…

you have to recognize that there are plenty of cis women out there who harbor misogynistic beliefs and do not have their fellow women’s interest at heart, so why hold trans women to a different standard? would you also psychoanalyze a problematic cis woman in this way? would you have more grace for them being like that because you better understand (due to your own upbringing) the social pressures that helped make them that way? if so, maybe the problem is that you are not taking the time to better understand trans women and how their experiences may have shaped them into who they are today. it sounds like you view trans women as a separate category from cis women and because they “used to be men”, you feel like they need to take extra steps to repent for their sins. i would challenge you to think critically about why you don’t feel the same about a cis woman who, for instance, voted for trump. i would challenge you to think about how regularly white cis women *do* use their identity as women to shield themselves from accountability when they do or say something racist, it quite literally happens all the time.

what i can say is that transitioning is all about unlearning past behaviors and reshaping yourself. it takes a lot of time and intentional work for anyone to better themselves. maybe you know a tgirl or two that still has a lot to unlearn, but its possible that they just havent been given adequate time and space to get to where you want them to be yet.

[altocat]

Hmm I'm gonna go with Rufus Shinra for the headcanon game !

Headcanon A: Rufus genuinely had some regrets about his more ruthless behavior as well as the company's legacy as a tyrant force. He started to have his doubts at the North Crater and by the time Advent Children rolls around, he does genuinely want to make a change. But this definitely doesn't happen overnight as Rufus has to unlearn a LOT of problematic thinking. And only half succeeds in the long run.

Headcanon B: Rufus has extremely low blood sugar and Tseng carries around snacks for him wherever he goes, always doting on him like the spoiled child he is. To be perfectly honest, Rufus would throw a screaming tantrum if Tseng were out of the picture. He practically relies on him to survive.

Headcanon C: Towards the end of his life, Rufus is mostly just tired and rather solitary. He leaves the company/control over the Midgar rebuilding project in the hands of a worthier successor and just sort of slips away to the outskirts to find a quiet spot to die. There aren't many loved ones with him towards the end--just a modest handful. It's a lonely end. But ultimately a peaceful one.

Headcanon D: I like to think that there might have been a power struggle between Rufus and Lazard. Like obv Lazard was considered a bastard, but I also like to picture some behind the scenes drama in which President Shinra briefly considered placing Lazard as his successor due to Lazard's hold over the Firsts. It wasn't a SERIOUS consideration, but it was enough to make Rufus EXTREMELY jumpy and also kicked off his shady dealings with Avalanche.

[zukosdualdao]

people can ship whatever they want but i’ll never understand the people who claim zutara is an inherently problematic ship and then turn around and ship katara with azula, and act morally superior about it, like.

one of these dynamics canonically had a meaningful reconciliation in which the fire nation character apologized and atoned for their past behavior and unlearned imperialist values. it Was Not That One. so, ship what you want. but don’t be a hypocrite.

[hannibalsjuicyass]

Ok I’m actually gonna make my own post about this. As someone with a passion for animal behavior and training, here are some quick tips that will change your interactions with your pets for the better, and require very little effort:

1. Keep a small container of treats in every room that you spend a lot of time in, preferably within arms reach of whichever seat you occupy most. Regularly reward your pet for desirable behavior. Remember that training isn’t a one and done thing. Animals can revert to old habits if they don’t feel like they have a strong reason to keep doing what you want them to do. Be patient and create positive associations with desirable behavior

2. Don’t yell or raise your voice at an animal unless it’s an emergency! If you yell at them frequently it just becomes background noise and will lose all effectiveness when it matters most (like in a dog fight).

3. Avoid scolding as much as possible (this one is hard to unlearn but it’s so so important). If your dog is chewing on something they shouldn’t, skip the scolding and redirect them to a toy instead. Same with cats. Scolding just tends to make animals want to get away with as much as they can before they get dragged away from whatever it is they want, so if the thing that they want is harmful for them, scolding can actually make the situation more dangerous.

4. Try to stay calm even if you don’t feel it. Animals pick up on our emotions, even those we’re not fully aware of. If your pet is acting up, try to de-escalate the situation. Things like yelling, chiding, or raising your voice are more likely to add unnecessary stress to an already stressful situation. Stay calm and stay confident. (Think about it like this: if you’re stressed or angry, are those feeling going to be amplified or softened when someone starts yelling at you for exhibiting stressful behavior?)

Obviously these are just some cursory thoughts, and I could add a lot more, but I think these are the most important things to practice when you’re dealing with problematic behavior (fun fact: most of these methods work on people too).

TL;DR when you’re dealing with animals that like to misbehave, the best things you can do to help are to stay calm, stay confident, and stay positive.

[foxwitchaine]

What red flags do you think Adrien has?

First and foremost, Adrien hasn't changed during the series. Like, at all. If this had been any other series with a "Status Quo is God" mentality, I wouldn't be so nitpicky. The problem is we were promised plot all the way back in Season 2. And plot typically involves characters changing, growing, and developing along the way. I know I'm gonna sound like a broken record, but Avatar: The Last Airbender is pretty much the gold standard of what kid's shows nowadays should aspire to be like. The old "it's for kids" excuse is only gonna go so far when we've had gems such as ATLA, the Batman Animated Series, the OG Justice League, the OG Teen Titans, heck even anime like Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z on air. I'm personally not a fan of Dragon Ball Z, but even I can acknowledge what Akira Toriyama accomplished.

Those works also weren't afraid to get dark and scary while still being age-appropriate. Something modern kid's cartoons can all learn from, be it Disney, Cartoon Network, or even Nickelodeon. And something they all have in common? A strong and well-structured plot. Emphasis on "well-structured". I can't claim to know what goes on in the writing room of Miraculous Ladybug, but it's painfully clear hardly anyone knows what they're doing. And it's resulted in the "plot" of the show turning into a tangled tumbleweed drifting across the desert of discarded but better-written ideas.

Whatever the metaphor is, anyway.

Let's continue.

Adrien's second biggest red flag is his continuous defense of characters like Chloe and more recently Lila. I'm admittedly ignoring Season 4 onward because I cannot fathom disrespecting your characters (and audience) so much you turn a kid's show into your own vanity project just to stroke your ego. But that's beside the point.

Adrien has the unfortunate habit of defending problematic people like pre-"redemption" Chloe (I use that word loosely as I'm doing my own Chloe redemption in my fic with Rafe) and Lila. You could argue that it's because of the way his father raised him. But it defeats the whole purpose of Adrien getting to go to school.

School is a place where you learn and grow. And figure out how to deal with unpleasant stuff, such as bullying, incompetent teachers, and apathetic faculty (I'm telling on myself, I just know). The problem is that Adrien, despite all his chances to figure out how to unlearn the behaviors Gabriel instilled in him, has not once made any active attempts to improve himself. Yeah. I know. I may be a little too harsh on him, but that's because I saw potential in Adrien to be much better than he is now. Disregarding the Sentimonster theory being confirmed (again, I'm also ignoring that), Adrien's stagnation is very telling of both the character and the writers. No matter what happens in the show, the universe bends itself backwards to acknowledge his existence. Do you know what that's called in writing?

A Mary Sue. Or, in Adrien's case, a Marty Stu. You could argue that Marinette is a Mary Sue, but she gets torn down so much in the show the argument is pretty much moot.

Do note that this is not aimed to tear down anyone who's written Mary Sues or Marty Stus. I've created several of my own in my early days as a writer. Who hasn't. The thing is, though, as I grew up, so did my characters and my writing.

Adrien hasn't grown up since the start of the show. And that's very telling.

Then there's the third biggest red flag of Adrien: his behavior as Chat Noir. I know it feels unfair to use that against him, but it's been stated multiple times that Chat Noir is, in essence, Adrien's true self without his everyday mask.

If that is who he is without any limits, then I want him as far away from me as possible.

Preferably, with a restraining order.

I have yet to figure out why this keeps happening when Hollywood and other big-name studios write romance — even by female authors and writers — but it has to stop. Men, most sane women prefer it if you accept the first "no" as an answer. That goes for you too, ladies. No, I don't care if this pisses anyone off. I'm an equal-opportunity realist. And I'm gonna say something that will likely have people calling for my head on a pike:

Relationships in general are built on mutual trust and communication. It's hard work maintaining a healthy relationship, it really is. But more often than not, it's one of the most fulfilling things anyone can possibly dream of. No, this doesn't mean everyone is obligated to say yes to romance. There are those who choose to avoid romance altogether.

And that's perfectly fine. I just happen to be a romantic who enjoys romance. That's my personal preference (no, this doesn't mean I like red flags).

The writers of Miraculous Ladybug seem to be under the impression that teenagers should hook up with the first hot person they meet. And that's a very dangerous message to spread. Because what if the first hot person they meet is a domestic abuser? Or worse: a criminal who has no issue using whatever they can to control and dominate their partner.

Adrien — and by proxy, Chat Noir — has displayed behavior that's alarmingly similar to domestic abusers despite his sunshine persona. He's destroyed property because Ladybug told him "no" (Sentibubbler). He set up a date even though Ladybug told him she had plans, then had the audacity to get huffy and upset about it (Glaciator). He's lied to someone about his relationship with her, then blamed her for the resulting akuma.

Note that the last example was from Copycat, a Season 1 episode. Which bears the disturbing implication that this is an ongoing issue, not a one-time problem.

Adrien Agreste had potential to be a great character.

It's too bad the writers have stressed he's too perfect to change.

[jellatonoflove]

i love hazbin hotel. i am extremely critical of it at the same time.

ive found that its actually a lot more fun to imagine things they *couldve* done in a positive light. like scenes where the characters address problematic things from their time periods (like alastor needing to straighten his natural hair, for example) and learn to grow from that shit! actually seeing them come into the more modern and kind world, and actually seeing them redeem! not just that, just things about themselves, you know? like genuinely getting therapy, which is what the show is about. unlearning self destructive behavior and healing from trauma and growing as people, give me some of *that* shit.

dont get me wrong; pointing out what helluva and hazbin did wrong is very, very important for this community. its just also beneficial to imagine the possible positives, and making fan content of that. this isnt me saying that you have to positive about the show, or that you have to do this. its just nice to think about, you know?

[mariacallous]

Not gonna name names, but there's a particular brand of white progressives on Twitter who've been trying to rebrand themselves over the past nine months since the far-left shit the bed over I/P. But you can tell they, once again, aren't interested in putting in the hard work in unlearning all the problematic behaviors they picked up in those lily-white spaces, because they're fighting with Black Democrats - who've been in these trenches much longer - about why they think Biden should drop out.

Like, nine months ago, these people were essentially ratfuckers. And they've still done zero self-reflection, not even the ones who were turned off by the far-left's antisemitism. They have the audacity to whitesplain to people why their magical white/white ticket can poll well enough against the GOP with 4-5 months left until the general election, especially in the battleground states, and how screwing over Biden (the only man to ever beat Trump, the man who received the most votes ever in a general election, and also the incumbent who received the most primary votes in history) and especially Harris totally won't hurt them in PA/MI/WI, the states that are going to decide this.

The absolute audacity of white leftists. I don't think they can be fixed.

I mean, it's unfortunately not that surprising.

[soft-persephone]

I read ur tags on the video abt drake and Kendrick “not caring about women” in the middle of the rap beef and I totally agree about Kendrick btw. It reminded me of someone i saw on Tik tok who made a video defending Kendrick from the “but he didn’t want r Kelly’s music removed from streaming platforms!” thing and what it turns out it ACTUALLY was about was that Spotify was going to put up a “moral and behavior” policy where they would remove the complete discography of any artist who they found out had a criminal record, which is incredibly discriminatory against all convicted people, no matter what they’re convicted for, and infringes on their 1st amendment rights and just the very human right to make art and have that art be preserved. So it was less about “I love r kelly so much im gonna threaten to take all my music off Spotify if they remove his” and more “this policy is actually infringing on artists’ rights and discriminatory against people with a criminal record.” I’m not saying Kendrick is our feminist messiah but like cmon yall he does not hate women and he’s not just calling out drake for clout

A lot of what Kendrick gets reduced to certain narratives because their are a lot of negative things that come with hip hop, and it does do more harm than good especially in the case with “fake woke” rappers.

I don’t believe in putting celebrities on a pedestal and no person is perfect. Him putting Kodak Black on Mr. Morale did rub me the wrong way. Him dead naming some of his family members rightfully upset some people.

I can’t speak for that, so I won’t because it’s not my place, so I just listen and support those that can.

But all I can really say is, the process of growing and wanting to be better person isn’t pretty. Watching someone unlearn racism fatphobia, transphobia, and etc is never without mistakes.

If we are really advocating for people to be better on all fronts, the response is always anger when we they don’t get it right the first time or show they don’t have a full understanding of it.

What do we really want fork people? We tell them to grow and do better? But if you’ve actually walked someone through that or seen it, why are we getting so mad when they make a mistake along the way.

No it’s not our place to teach them. But if they are making a genuine effort, why not make a quick comment and move on. How does him doing these two things and “fumbling” the narrative for black growth as a man in America by including Kodak black and trying to show him stepping away from transphobia in a more problematic than not way, absolve everything he’s ever done or thinks and do thereafter?

I am not saying these thingsto be derivative. I am asking from a genuine place.

That said, it doesn’t make those things right.

I think he said some quiet parts out loud that he shouldn’t have, but at the end of the day he has to be held accountable. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I don’t think Kendrick has ever said anything in song he doesn’t fully believe. He’s very intentional, that might be the place where people are angry with him because it’s clear these things were done on purpose.

I can’t speak for him as I am just a fan. I may be biased as well, so that may be effecting how I think about this, so I try to be mindful and address that as well.

I try to be responsible and try not to deflect other peoples thoughts, feelings, and opinions on some of these things because they hurt some people and affect more people more than they ever would me and it wouldn’t be right.

But, we don’t know him and we never do, so all we can do is speculate, and some more than others like to choose the worst over any benefit of the doubt because in a man driven world when have they never not have that.

I don’t want to be an enabler to that system.

[hesitantvampirealien]

if i may explain a bit of the psychology behind the backlash, i think it’s because people have gotten paranoid about media they enjoy

i think that because of the critical re-evaluation of so many pieces of media, people- and mcr fans in particular- have become worried their favorite pieces of media or favorite bands are “problematic” in some way. they don’t want to let their guard down because what if the media they like IS problematic and they’ve been liking something bigoted all this time? no one wants to seem like someone who willfully pretends that everything problematic in a piece of media doesn’t exist because “it’s good”.

so mcr fans criticize the band any way they can. they try to find parts that are problematic so they can be critical, and not seem like a “crazy obsessed fan who thinks the band can do no wrong”. the whole ticketmaster thing was just fuel to the fire.

and i will say that yeah, mcr DID (and sometimes still does) do some weird and sometimes problematic shit, but that shouldn’t damper your enjoyment of the band. as an mcr fan, i’ve learned to take the good with the bad and enjoy the band for what it is. i’m not defending all of their behavior, but i still enjoy their music and their activism against homophobia and transphobia.

anyway yeah. that was my rant. if this was cringe, let me know and i’ll apologize lol

no i see what you mean, it's not cringe.

In addition to that, the thing is that, well - I was gonna say "i hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to be an apologist" but fuck it I don't really give a shit what they're gonna think i am, not when i know that what I'm gonna say isn't wrong - when you're a human being producing art which is basically content based on the things that make you human, it's very unlikely, if not impossible, that everything you'll produce is always gonna be flawless, or always reflecting something good about you. People forget that art needs humans to exist and vice versa, and our brains are poisoned with things we shouldn't think about each other and ourselves. Sometimes that just happens to be visible, specially when you're a well known artist. Truth be told, if those anti-fans knew how awful of a person i was in my early teen years, they would be making an insane effort to make sure I'd end up killing myself. They would never recognize my humanity, they'd never see a person who grew up in an environment that lead me to repeating that awful behavior that i was forced to endure and ended up accepting as a norm. They would never do that, to them I'd be nothing but a really massive inconvenience wasting the oxygen that i would be unworthy of breathing.

I met amazing people in this fandom, and those are the same people those anti fans (I'll call them anti fans because it's just easier and, cmon, it just makes sense) absolutely despose because they, well.. we would be falling into crazy hardcore fan territory. Tell ya what, i prefer being in the hardcore fan territory who's too forgiving than being in the same territory of people who say they would never want to meet gerard because they'd want to hurt them and who make me feel like I'd never be welcome. Specially with my disorder that makes it really hard for me to have a good relationship with people and just the act of socialization in general. It's already hard for me, and my disorder along with my past make it harder because I'm still growing and learning and unlearning things, and I'm incredibly desensitized to a lot of shit. To give you an idea of how far it goes, i thought of tattooing Gerard's knife speech because it genuinely felt exactly like what i feel all the time. Who do you think will be more welcoming? people who are a little too forgiving or people who are actively hunting a reason to treat you like shit?

[threephantomrey]

good morning everyone! i just wanted to put out a reminder that if you ever see me post/reblog anything that is bigoted or problematic, even if my intentions weren’t to come across that way/i didn’t realize it was that way at first, you are absolutely allowed to say something about it. please don’t ever be afraid to send me a message/ask about it explaining why or how it was wrong! i’ll be open to hearing you out. there are definitely things i need to unlearn. and just in general, if a mutual/someone you follow/one of your followers says/does something that is bigoted or problematic, it is good to tell them that it’s wrong and explain why it’s harmful. it’s important to help each other and ourselves unlearn harmful mindsets/behaviors/ideas. by doing that, we make the world a better place. i always want my blog to be a safe space for people, and i’m sure a lot of people on tumblr feel the same way. but yeah i just needed to say this, especially since i don’t shy away from getting political on this blog. i hope all of you have a great day <3

[arachngel]

yes angel’s biggest vice is pride and not lust. he likes to fuck for sure but his love for dick and cock is second to his inability to accept help and guidance when he needs it the most and to knowingly stay on the wrong path because he doesn’t want to deal with his problems and unlearn problematic behaviors.

[barkbustersdogtrainer]

Private Dog Training? Perhaps Your New Solution To Pet Problems

Having a dog is one of the most beautiful experiences, but it may also come with some challenges. From barking way too much, pulling the leash, chewing on anything available, and suffering from anxiety, problematic behavior in dogs can be stressful for any home.

The best part is that you don’t have to tackle these problems all by yourself. A personalized home dog training program can help you improve your dog and the issues you face while building a relationship with your furry friend, right where it matters most - at home.

What is the Benefit of Training Dogs at Home?

Behavioral issues in dogs are often linked to their response to their general surroundings. A training center or a congested group class may not always replicate that which triggers your dog’s anger, like responding to the doorbell, unknown visitors, and even busy streets. This is where private in-home dog training shines.

Trainers can work with dogs in the middle of the living room, in the backyard area, or by the front gate, greatly increasing the likelihood of the dog overcoming these issues in the very setting where they occur. Thus, much faster and less stressful outcomes are achieved for both the dog trainer and the client.

The Personal Touch: Customized For You and Your Dog

Like each dog, each family also has their unique traits. Thus, dog training as a whole usually does not achieve its goals. Private sessions are conducted in your home, considering breed, age, temperament, and family dynamics affecting your dog.

Professional trainers adjust methods to individual cases, be it working with a strong-minded terrier, an anxious rescue, or a puppy who has not yet learned manners. You will be trained to use a calm voice, body language, and leadership while engaging with your dog—no harsh methods or treat-based bribery required.

Other Behavioral Concerns That Can Be Solved Using Home Dog Training

Home dog training can help address a wide variety of behavioral problems, including:

Barking for every little thing and at every passerby

Pulling on the leash during walks

Jumping on visitors

Separation anxiety

Aggressive behavior or reactivity

Poor recall or ignoring commands

Furniture or household items chewing

Training impacts much more than just a dog’s obedience level. It allows a dog to feel secure, calm, and cooperative in their area.

Puppy Training: Start Right, Stay Right

Getting a new pup, but it can also feel overwhelming because puppies are adorable chaos machines. They require a lot of guidance, structure, and care to thrive. Starting private in-home dog training for puppies early helps pups build good habits and makes them second-nature. 

A well-trained puppy grows into a well-mannered adult dog and is housebroken, socialized, can follow basic commands, and knows how to use a crate.

Helping the Owner

Dog training is not simply about the dog. You, as an owner, are just as responsible. Equally as important, if not more, is a trained owner who walks the dog daily, unlearns bad pack hierarchy skills, enforces basic dog behavior expectations, and trains the dog with a calm, guided presence.

It's not 'fixes' that change your life—it's the tools and perspectives you gain.

Final Thoughts

Dogs have an innate desire to be good. They just need the right instructions. Private in-home dog training gives you the ability to turn confusion into clarity. In the process, you will gain mastery over a dog that understands both the commands given and the dynamics of your relationship.

Ready to Transform Your Dog’s Behavior?

Bark Busters has helped over 1 million dogs and their families enjoy better lives together—now it’s your turn. Whether you're struggling with aggression, excessive barking, or just want a well-behaved puppy, our expert trainers come to you, tailoring each session to your home, your dog, and your goals.

No matter the breed, age, or issue—help is just a call away.

Call 1-877-500-BARK (2275) or Find Your Local Trainer Now to start your journey to a happier, better-behaved dog today.

[fic-recs-from-faust]

Fic Rec:

blade of silver, forge of blue by MikkiOfTheAnbu

Summary: “Blessed Spirit, we thank you for the gift of this child’s life. We are forever in your debt.” The whole village is kneeling now, even the tiniest toddlers flopped down on their stomachs doing their best approximation of a bow. “Please, won’t you give us a name to call you? We would like to properly express our gratitude.” Oh Well shit. (Where Zuko saves a little Earth Kingdom girl from drowning, the villagers think he's a Spirit, build him a shrine, and long story short, a fake story about the Blue Spirit who dances with dragons suddenly becomes very real.)

Status: Unfinished

Rating: T

Category: - (Gen so far)

Words: 10k+

Warnings: Chose Not to Warn

Ships: Iroh & Zuko , Yue & Zuko , The Gaang & Zuko , Aang & Zuko , Zuko & The Spirits

Tags: Zuko-centric , Blue Spirit Zuko , Spirits , Spirit World , Hurt/Comfort , Zuko and Yue are bros , Zuko-becomes-the-Blue-Spirit AU , Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence , Trauma , And the quest to unlearn problematic behaviors , Zuko accidentally starts a religion , he's not coping well , Sailormoon-esque Spirit Transformations , The Gaang being the Gaang

Site: ao3

Note: The idea of this fic is very fun and the writing is good too imo.

[nothorses]

About your post about Educating People, it also means you have to give clear examples of how privilege, bigotry, and stereotypes actually work, because you can't be morally uppity that ignorant people can't fully grasp it.

So much online discourse makes me exhausted, because I see a post on my dashboard, and then immediately several posts talking about why that post is problematic, often without clear explanations.

Ironically, it was Writing With Color, a blog listing a bunch of stereotypes and actually engaging in discussion about the historical roots of why they exist, that helped me dismantle my racism, antiblackness, and sexism. I'm not white by the way! Far from it. But Writing with Color helped so much more in me understanding fandom racism than something like End OTW racism that seeks to moderate the fics of a goddamn archive, lmao.

I feel so many people assign a Moral Factor or Threshold you have to meet before you get to call yourself anti-ableist, anti-racist, a feminist, etcetera. And these same people often say, "Unlearning systemic oppression is a lifelong journey so just shut up and learn and stop your white fragility." (A valid point! But when someone makes a mistake that's likely stemming from extremely subconscious belief, they say, "Are you really an anti-racist, etcetera." )

I'm just tired of the guilt tripping, the gatekeeping. Leftism is being learned through scrambled social media condemning certain behaviors without connecting to the larger movement, and people are angry when others make the resulting mistakes. There is barely any kindness, lmao, or real education.

Yes, exactly!

Education is necessarily about community. In order to effectively educate people, you have to understand what and how they need to learn; where they're starting from, what the next steps might be, and how to engage them in that process.

You need to help them avoid shutting down, either because they feel overwhelmed or don't know where to start, or because they feel guilty and ashamed, or like they can't trust their teachers and mentors enough that they're able to open themselves up, ask for the help and clarity they need, and put their time and energy into the learning process for and with them.

Learning involves a lot of vulnerability! You're admitting things you don't know, you're asking for help, and you're trusting someone else to guide you in something you can't navigate alone.

Educating is difficult and taxing, and educators take on a lot of risk and harm in the process, too. But if we can't honor the vulnerability we're being trusted with, and we can't value the learning process, we're not going to be able to educate at all.

And if we want to see our values, knowledge, skills, and wisdom reflected in our communities, we need to engage in this process. We need to educate, and we need to learn.

And that's gonna take a lot of work, vulnerability, and trust that a lot of us, being very often traumatized people, are going to struggle with- which means it's that much more crucial that we share our progress by supporting others in making it as well. We need to trust people, forgive their mistakes, and initiate positive learning interactions ourselves. We need to show our communities patience and compassion, and we need to do it even (and especially) when it's not given to us first.

Change doesn't happen passively, and you can't destroy your way into creating something better.

[yourfavouritemotherlyanti]

(Hii, gonna be copying and pasting my introductory pinned textpost with updated changes since I cannot access the original account I made sadly. If you want to support me and my journey after reading, please follow my other social media platforms as listed below!^w^Thank you, sweeties<3!!(^/////^)).

"Hmph so I suppose i have accidentally started somewhat of a storm on Twitter atleast, specifically where the proshippers, lolishotacons, fujoshis/fudanshis and other problematic anime stans come to be(All for wanting an inclusive comfy and cozy BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, disabled and neurodivergent safe space for other minor antishippers in fandom), but ofc they're gonna make it out to be some horrible act for being against the sexualization/fetishization of childish-aesthetics in gross hentai manga doujins. Lmfao how sad, but anyways I need to shut up and get to my introductiomascot! Hi! My name is Milky and I am a 17 y.o. LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent(Dxed-AuDHD)girl(or boy-)who uses she/he pronouns and runs a somrwhat??anonymous Tumblr Blog known as YourFavouriteMotherlyAnti Aka TheFandomSafetyDefenseMom! The purpose of my page and others on different social media platforms I may make accounts on is to protect, warn and guide innocent and vunerable fandom minors who may have been groomed into proshipper spaces into safety, away from dangerous communities surrounding fictional content by helping them unlearn unhealthy coping skills through love and understanding! Recently though, there have been many horrible and abrupt accusations put against me with no proof from proshippers attempting to put me down, but I won't give the haters what they want. After all, nobody wants anyone to be hurt(including me). With your help, we can fix others problematic behaviors and make fandom a better place where minors can have fun safely without any nasty freaks ruining it! If you want to support me, please check out my Twitter or any of my other accounts on the social media platforms I am on. But I guess that's all for now, so toodles~!!♡(Btw sorry about my page not looking the most polished rn, I still need to fix it up still)Anywho, have my mascot!"-YourFavouriteMotherlyAntishipper♡.

My Social Media Platforms!!: Instagram(Locked due to me and many other users atleast protesting against their new policy on AI)and Twitter(I refuse to call it "X")with a TikTok coming soon QwQ.

[aspd-culture]

i have been abusive in the past to my gf. i think of myself as wanting to get better and my gf says i am, but shes admitted she says anything to me because of how i behave and she knows how important this is to me. how can i know when i stop if ive scared everyone out of being honest...?

Firstly, I wanna say good on you. It's really big deal that you're working on this. I am certain that she appreciates it, and it's very important to unlearn the abusive behaviors. It isn't easy to admit you've been abusive and even harder to decide you want to change that. That's a massive step in itself to getting better./gen

The best advice I can give you is to not ask the people who you have abused to give you information on this. As a product of abuse, even if they really try and want to be honest, they will not feel safe doing so. That's not something they can help, especially while you're still in the process of changing.

If you have been making progress, though, it may be worth asking if she is comfortable telling you what you have been doing that has helped her feel more safe around you, so that you can continue and expand upon those things. That may feel much less unsafe for her to talk to you about and would still very much help you change your behavior.

Instead, if you're willing to get a professional, they will be your best bet on this so long as you be certain to be upfront about what you are trying to unlearn so you can see how they react. While some therapists can respond poorly to people with abusive histories, many will be proud of you for recognizing the need to do better so long as you put in the work.

If you can't or are unwilling to (valid) see a professional, the next best thing is to do your own research on the therapy techniques taught to people who have been abusive. Look into the resources that explain what abuse is as well, so you know what exactly is problematic. It may be more than you would think, as it's difficult for many pwASPD to realize what may cause fear/power imbalance with prosocial people.

I'm sure there is more advice I'm not thinking of, so if anyone has any, feel free to add on.

Plain text below the cut:

Firstly, I wanna say good on you. It's really big deal that you're working on this. I am certain that she appreciates it, and it's very important to unlearn the abusive behaviors. It isn't easy to admit you've been abusive and even harder to decide you want to change that. That's a massive step in itself to getting better./gen

The best advice I can give you is to not ask the people who you have abused to give you information on this. As a product of abuse, even if they really try and want to be honest, they will not feel safe doing so. That's not something they can help, especially while you're still in the process of changing.

If you have been making progress, though, it may be worth asking if she is comfortable telling you what you have been doing that has helped her feel more safe around you, so that you can continue and expand upon those things. That may feel much less unsafe for her to talk to you about and would still very much help you change your behavior.

Instead, if you're willing to get a professional, they will be your best bet on this so long as you be certain to be upfront about what you are trying to unlearn so you can see how they react. While some therapists can respond poorly to people with abusive histories, many will be proud of you for recognizing the need to do better so long as you put in the work.

If you can't or are unwilling to (valid) see a professional, the next best thing is to do your own research on the therapy techniques taught to people who have been abusive. Look into the resources that explain what abuse is as well, so you know what exactly is problematic. It may be more than you would think, as it's difficult for many pwASPD to realize what may cause fear/power imbalance with prosocial people.

I'm sure there is more advice I'm not thinking of, so if anyone has any, feel free to add on.