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ordinaryschmuck · 1 month ago

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What I Quickly Thought About What If...? Season Three

Salutations, random people of the internet who are already scrolling past this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and comics and cartoons.

You know, it’s a LITTLE crazy to me that What If…? is one of the most hated MCU shows…and yet not that crazy at all. I kind of get it, this is a show that’s basically dumb fun where the writers play with the heroes and villains in the MCU like they’re action figures. If you’re looking for interesting ideas and concepts, you’ll SOMETIMES get it like with Doctor Strange destroying his universe to save his true love or Hela trying to figure out who she is other than a Goddess of Death..but the majority of the time, you’ll just get Thor being a party dude, Nebula going full Bladerunner, and a big buff lady punching a demon wizard in the face with the power of infinity–I will keep saying that until it stops sounding awesome.

What If…? is not a show for everyone. You need to be in the right mindset and the right kind of person to enjoy a show like this. Dumb fun only works if it matches what YOU consider to be dumb fun. As for me, though? I loved it. I enjoyed the hell out of Season One, I found Season Two to be a HUGE improvement, and I really looked forward to Season Three. It’s just a shame, though, that Season Three is the FINAL season…which makes no sense to me.

What If…? is a concept that could go on for MULTIPLE seasons, at least EIGHT for sure. I get that maybe animation is expensive or maybe we’re wrapping up this multiverse shit next year so we can move onto the X-Men, but COME ON! You can’t make a show about showing all the different possibilities in infinity and then just say, “That’s it. We only get three seasons.” It also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure in these last eight episodes. If this is a final season, then these need to be the best, brightest, most EPIC final What Ifs in the SERIES. The question is…are they? Well, let’s run through them. Though, keep in mind, we ARE gonna have to talk about spoilers. I'll TRY to keep the big things secret, but what's considered big anymore on the internet. I could say two characters kiss (They don't in this) and that'll be enough to drive people up the wall. So, to keep things safe...

Spoilers Ahead.

What If…The Hulk Fought The Mech Avengers?: Alright, so we have Avengers fighting giant Hulks in giant mech suits. I would definitely say we’re off to a good start…if not for the fact that it has pacing problems out the wazoo.

Yeah, poor pacing has ALWAYS been What If’s…? main issue. The show was originally intended to have forty-minute episodes, but got shaved down so the MCU needed to fill their quota for Disney and the company’s shoddy streaming service. The writers never got used to that and, in episodes like this one, you can really feel it. I mean, this is an episode of MECH AVENGERS fighting GIANT HULKS. It should easily be epic, but there’s too much time fast-forwarding through the epicness so we can get to the next cool thing or the next heart-to-heart. The final fight as the team pulls a Voltron (RIP Netflix show) feels more like a montage instead of a big, epic battle, with most of the team practically being non-existent. I mean, this is the first time we’re seeing characters like Moon Knight and Shang-Chi since their debuts, and they do basically NOTHING. The most memorable thing Moon Knight does is press a button. THAT’S IT. The majority of the time isn’t on this team of Mech Avengers, but instead on Sam Wilson and Bruce Banner…Which, to be fair, is actually the part of the story I liked. The relationship these two have makes a lot of sense when you think on it and it really sells the tragedy of a character like Bruce far better than recent MCU entries have. But, just like everything else in this episode, we rush past this friendship. We’ve got great moments like Sam consulting Bruce about being The Hulk and that final heart-to-heart feels like it SHOULD mean something, but there wasn’t enough time to build up this relationship or to show how good it was for them. We’re constantly TOLD they were friends because the episode didn’t have enough time to SHOW us. I don’t know, this SHOULD have been a SMASH, but with so much going on and not enough time to let it flow naturally, it all feels more like an episode you can PASS.

What If…Agatha Went to Hollywood?: Huh. So, for the first time ever, the MCU is acknowledging certain stories I’d figured they’d sooner let audiences forget. For one, we have The Eternals, a movie not many people liked, myself included. On top of that, we have acknowledgment to Agent Carter Season Two of all things, taking the plotline of Howard Stark making movies and using it as the main crux of this story. It shouldn’t surprise me, these writers are CLEARLY Agent Carter fans given how they shoved Peggy Carter into the spotlight again, but it still amazes me that the MCU is FINALLY giving some form of nod to what is really an underrated series…In Season One. Season Two’s not as good.

Now, outside of those acknowledgements…I feel like this story is a LITTLE hindered by the fact that the writers of What If…? didn’t get a chance to know what would happen in Agatha All Along. The plot of this story is that Agatha’s trying to gain the power of a celestial, and knowing what her life was like in Agatha All Along and what she lost, it would be interesting to consider WHY she would want the powers of a god. There would have been such a fascinating angle to go with that, but because animation is a lengthy process and you can’t edit an episode to fit a story that wrapped up two months ago, there’s no way they could have fit in what happened THERE into HERE. They barely had time to explain what happened to the other Eternals, saying they were taken care of off screen so we can rush through parts of this story. Again.

That being said…I still had some fun with this one. Seeing Agatha ham it up was a lot more entertaining in animation than live-action, with animators looking like they’re having the time of their lives making her move around and have facial expressions like an over the top Disney villain. She may not be AS compelling of a character like she was in her own show (Which had NO right to be as good as it was), but again, the writers probably didn’t have enough time to factor that in. All the information they had was from WandaVision, and ran with it by making Agatha more of an outrageous villain than before. And her interactions with Kingo, the one of the few characters I kind of liked in The Eternals, was surprisingly enjoyable. It’s two egotistical immortals trying to outperform the other, with the chemistry shooting sparks through the roof. Not ROMANTIC chemistry, mind you. That “Not my type” line is just…hilarious. Regardless, they’re what makes this episode fun, taking elements from the weaker side of the MCU and creating a bigger story out of it. Would it have benefited if this season had more material to work with in regards to Agatha All Along? Most definitely, yes. But for what they had, it still shined bright.

What If…The Red Guardian Stopped The Winter Soldier?: I really want to like this one. I REALLY do. It’s the loud and boisterous Red Guardian teaming up with the quiet and professional Winter Soldier. There should be comedy GOLD with their interactions, and while there ARE…there’s not enough to make this episode more than “Okay.” The execution is really what holds it back, as David Harbour’s performance often makes the Red Guardian more ANNOYING than endearing a lot of the time, aside from a few bits with Bucky. Speaking of, it’s weird how Bucky isn’t…the same, cold killer he was in Winter Soldier and the opening of Civil War. There, he often acted robotically, matching the arm that Hydra and the Soviets gave him. Here though? He’s biting Alexi’s leg, quipping, and acting just as jovial as Alexi does sometimes. The only time it makes sense that he acts more human was when he flirts with a cashier and explains it away with him saying his “Deep-Cover Mode” activated. That’s not the BEST excuse, but it works enough. I get that this hypnotized assassin would have been hard to write around and explain why he’d team up with Alexi, but I also feel like there would have been MORE comedic opportunity to have Alexi try and interact with someone who doesn’t talk much or barely acknowledges his presence. Treat it like a kid trying to befriend a killing machine, there’s comedic potential there. It’s definitely more digestible than Alexi being the one to break Bucky’s conditioning.

Yeah, that’s a thing that doesn’t sit right with me. You can argue it was the power of friendship that broke through to Bucky in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but it’s not just that. It’s the POWERFUL friendship between Bucky and Steve that no time nor conditioning could have broken, making something kind of beautiful in a movie about spies and espionage. So to have a guy Bucky barely knew in a DAY AND A HALF to be the one to free him spits in the face of Bucky’s story, his relationship with Cap, and his entire character development. It’s what stops me from really ENJOYING this episode, as it takes leaps and bounds of logic that feel greater than any other What If. Especially since there’s a way to help that. You have this guy dressed up as a red version of Bucky’s best friend. You can find a way to write that into why he changed gradually, even if it means having Red Guardian SUBTLY act like Steve. Definitely better than how he USUALLY acts.

It really is the characterization that stops me from enjoying this episode. Alexi and Bucky feel more like they’re in a Lego parody instead of an alternate timeline in the MCU, and it holds back the enjoyment a LOT…That being said, there are SOME things that I do enjoy. While the characterization isn’t the best, there are the occasional fun and somewhat endearing moments the two share. It’s also kind of cool to see Bill Foster’s Goliath again as he chases after these two idiots across the country, and his interactions with Ranger Morales (Not THAT Morales…Maybe) are surprisingly adorable. Speaking of which, Ranger Morales might be the best character in this entire thing, with her being the only one who benefits from the screwball comedy because, you know, she’s a new character. She’s allowed to say she wrestled a bear with her bare hands or collected slot machine tokens in her hat because she’s not someone with far more interesting and compelling stories being ruined for a comedic episode. And, to this story’s credit, there IS something interesting and compelling as it reveals WHO gave up information that got the Starks killed. I’m not gonna give it away, but it’s a great detail that offers more lore than I could expect from a series that isn’t really canon but CAN offer plausible information that COULD be canon. And, yeah, it makes me enjoy a certain MCU villain a LITTLE bit more because of how despicable his actions are.

In the end, there are SOME good stuff that makes this a fun experience, but if you’re not a fan of the Red Guardian’s characterization or ESPECIALLY the Winter Soldier’s, then you’re going to likely wish someone wiped YOUR memory of this adventure.

What If…Howard the Duck Got Hitched?: Darcy laid an egg in this one…I wouldn’t expect crazier from an episode about Howard the gosh dang DUCK.

Despite all its flaws, What If…? really was the best way to adapt an insane character like Howard the Duck into the MCU. His wackadoodle adventures and storylines work fine in a comic universe where characters are allowed to get as silly as they want, but I feel like She-Hulk proves that MCU fans aren’t ready for goofy nonsense that suits the character. So to have him go on an occasional oddball adventure within a non-canon series, it works so that the writers can get as weird as they want with it. And holy shit-knuckles, do things get fuckin’ WEIRD.

Aside from Darcy laying a FUCKING EGG (How the hell is that even possible?), you have every powerful person in the universe chasing after the damn thing because it is, inexplicably, the most powerful thing in all of infinity and they all want it for different reasons. Dormamu’s cult wants it to host his body, SHIELD wants to keep it out of the hands of everyone, and the Grandmaster…just wants to eat the damn thing. Now, HOW is it possible that Howard and Darcy’s egg turned out to be the most powerful thing in existence? Fuck if I know, but it is BONKERS and I love it. It’s just so funny seeing all of the mightiest and most threatening beings in the MCU all chasing down an egg of all things. And I don’t know about you, but something about seeing the two most boring MCU villains slapping each other so they can get to it first is…It…It just tickles me, okay?

And I know I complained about characterization in the last episode, and that still applies…unless the story is about Howard the mother fucking DUCK. Characters can get as weird as they want because that’s just how things work with him. But even then, there’s some genuine heart there as Howard and Darcy try their best to be good parents for their precious little egg. I would never think that a story where Howard and Darcy start a family together could turn out so wholesome, but gosh dang it, these writers are really trying to sell it. Their personalities work off each other better than I could have imagined, with Howard being an angry but good-hearted doof while Darcy perfectly toes the line between being the only sane person there and just as insane as everyone else. It works far better than I thought it could, really endearing me to the comedy as I watch the insane lengths these two would go to protect their child. I wouldn’t expect an episode about Howard the Duck to be one of the best in the season, possibly the series, but I guess it’s true what they say. When you’re outta luck, go duck…Or someone says that. I don’t know.

What If…The Emergence Destroyed the Earth: Hey, look! An actual DARK episode of What If…?! Are you fuckers HAPPY NOW?!

I say that as if it’s not something I wanted either, but I will admit that I would love just a BIT more dramatic stories in this show. Strange Supreme’s origins and Ultron’s victory are the best episodes of the series for a reason, even if I still wildly enjoy the goofy antics we usually get. It allows the writers to tell a tragic ending to a universe while, occasionally, showing the true strengths of our heroes. Something about Black Widow and Hawkeye still trying to stop Ultron despite living in a dead world–A dead UNIVERSE–shows that you can kill anything and everything, but you can’t completely kill a hero’s spirit. Something similar happens in this episode, though going for a different tactic to tell this tragedy.

It opens right away with The Watcher telling us that this story doesn’t have a happy ending. So, with every tense situation Riri is in, it makes you think that THIS is the moment when the worst happens. Yet the episode does a good job at always giving just the TINIEST bit of hope, making you think that The Watcher might be wrong and that she could maybe save the day. Although, it may have played its hand a little TOO much that The Watcher might do a certain something, but even then it plays with expectations a little, making you wonder if he’ll even do what you expect him to. It’s a decent attempt at playing with emotions, all while fitting into this extra dark world.

Speaking of, this is definitely the most intriguing universe that The Watcher presented. The idea that life still exists despite the Earth cracking apart is such a cool sci-fi concept that works best in a superhero world. Science will likely call bullshit, but I for one love seeing this literally broken world, watching debris and parts of people’s old lives float around the Earth’s messed up gravity. Things get more interesting as we get to see who the big bad of this story is, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see that it’s Mysterio. I don’t hate him as a villain, but I wouldn’t have expected him of all characters to control what’s left of Earth. Yet the writers go all the way that they could with a concept like this, showing us a much darker version of this villain and going further with what his abilities are capable of. The episode does a good job of showing us how Mysterio’s illusions were capable of taking over the planet, and I applaud the attempt.

I also love how much this episode endears me to Riri Williams. I wasn’t a huge fan of Ironheart in Wakanda Forever, feeling like she was the weakest part of that excellent movie. Here, though, I’m starting to see how a character like her could be fun to watch. Her determination to try and fix what’s left of the world and to keep fighting back no matter what it might do to her is the right kind of motivation to make me enjoy ANY hero. It’s simple, but effective enough to know that Riri is capable of such inner strength. I will admit, though, that I don’t really care for her supporting cast. In this episode in particular, it really feels like the writers just picked random names out of a hat and just inserted those characters into the story. No one other than Riri feels like they’re meant to be there as none of their unique personalities are allowed to shine through like hers. You could have replaced them with anybody, and the effect would still feel more or less the same.

That being said, I still think this is a winner here. It’s the exact type of dark story that fans have been demanding, all with a little hope shining in that darkness. Maybe it’ll make fans happy, maybe it won’t, but nothing in What If...? rarely does. I had my fun, and I’ll continue to have it no matter what Twitter says.

What If…1872: An episode where Shang-Chi and Kate Bishop are local heroes in the wild west? Sure, why not. This show’s done weirder…In fact, it’s kind of why I have some objections with a part of The Watcher’s opening narration. “Think less of ‘What if’ and more ‘What the hell,’” has basically been this show’s motto for a while. This is just putting two heroes in a different time period without some nonsense with Captain America smacking a time stone. Meanwhile, two episodes ago, we had Darcy lay an egg. I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t the first time we said “What the Hell?”

With that said…this is another good one. And it’s easy to see why. It’s a wild west story featuring two characters that have NOT made that big of an appearance since their introductions. AGAIN. As someone who absolutely LOVES Shang-Chi’s movie, it’s actually nice to see him kicking ass like he used to while the animation is allowed to have him fight with crazier moves. And Kate Bishop was a lot more entertaining to me this time around, acting as a cold and stern markswoman with actual skills instead of the bubbling and awkward character like most of the Young Avengers the MCU portrayed. She felt more like a unique character, and a badass one at that. Even the villains are pretty awesome in this, with Sonny Burch being a great, twisted fuck and The Hood being an ominous mystery even if the twist became a BIT predictable.

Speaking of, I have…mixed feelings towards that twist. Because I do kind of like the tragedy and internal conflict that Shang-Chi faces when met with who The Hood is. It feels like a taste of what COULD happen in a Shang-Chi sequel, whenever the fucking hell that will happen. But, at the same time, the episode started off as if it was about tackling AmerIica’s dark history in how we abused the immigrant workers to make it the country that it is. I was SO ready to give the MCU brownie points for tackling subject matter that isn’t easy to discuss…and then immediately ripped those points away once it revealed that the culprit is an immigrant too. Now, it’s not a COMPLETE loss. There’s this implication that the twist character is under some kind of control from The Hood itself and we’ve still got white boy Sunny being all kinds of okay with the enslavement of Chinese immigrants. BUUUUUUUUUT I still feel like this is the MCU starting off with an interesting, dark story to tell but pulling back because…reasons. Believe it or not, that happens more times than you think

Regardless of my thoughts on the twist, though, I enjoyed this one enough. It’s a decent wild west story that finally utilizes characters that the MCU refuses to touch despite throwing so much money into bringing them into the spotlight IN THE FIRST PLACE! Here’s hoping to seeing more Shang-Chi and even Kate Bishop in the future…

What If…The Watcher Disappeared/What If…What If: Might as well lump these two together as they’re more of a two-parter than any other finale. Even the Ultron episode of the first season still felt more like its own thing even though it set up the first big crossover. Here, though, both episodes are definitely part of the same story, one that a buddy of mine actually predicted we’d get: “What If The Watcher Was Put On Trial?”

Through this final story, we learn more about The Watchers, especially the one we’ve been following throughout the series. We get more of an idea about their oath and WHY The Watcher would want to break it. My favorite part is that he doesn’t hate his role in the multiverse. He loves his job as a Watcher and he doesn’t resent his higher ups for trying to take the job away from him or kill him and the ones he loves. He only gained a new perspective of what it means to watch and wants to share the lessons he’s learned, with the crux of the conflict coming from the fact that the other Watchers believes he’s going too far in protecting “lesser beings.” Speaking of, I liked the group of “lesser beings” formed in this two-parter. Byrdie is a kind of fun little tinkerer, it was GREAT to see Kahhori again despite her being a little TOO quippy, Storm as the Goddess of Thunder was AWESOME, and, of course, the big buff lady named Captain Carter proved just why I love her so much. I mean, she took a Watcher and fuckin’ body-slammed him into the dirt over and over again. Why the FUCK should I hate someone that awesome?

Speaking of, I’m…torn about my feelings towards the final battle. On the one hand, it was VERY epic and my monkey brain clapped at all the punching, kicking, and laser blasts that happened. On the other hand, I feel like the strongest parts of both episodes where the slow, character moments. The Watcher defending himself, Captain Carter voicing how she feels out of place in the entire multiverse, and even ULTRON going through a sort of redemption that works far better than I could have expected. That last part is the most fascinating of all, as we get to see what happens when a machine completes its objective, but his human mind allows him to reevaluate everything and change because his universe was allowed to exist. I feel like, as awesome as the final battle is, it would have been a more fascinating finale if we got MORE of that from other beings in the multiverse. Like, maybe if we got others that The Watcher helped or interfered with coming to his trial, defending him or going against him in some way, bringing the whole series together in a close. BUT, at the same time, I get why they didn’t do that. If this is the final episode, you gotta end it with a bang. And a big flashy fight is PERFECT for the kind of show that this is…but it could have been flashier.

We went from the starring characters in every episode teaming up to fight Ultron, to Captain Carter and Kahhori fighting against the most powerful beings of the multiverse, to…a random assortment of heroes plus The Watcher fighting three other Watchers. If this is the series finale, then bring in EVERYBODY for this one, big epic showdown as they defend the being that gave them importance. Instead, we have four heroes with one of them being introduced in THIS two-parter. As cool as Storm is, we know NOTHING of her or how she got that hammer. She just…does so the finale can have that extra cool factor. Even though I feel like it was on the right track when it brought back Infinity Ultron to join the team. It’s actually BRILLIANT to find a way to bring the first big bad in the series and make him an ally…Only to kill him off within the first few minutes of the final episode. You see what I mean? There’s a good idea to tie this series all together into one epic finale and what they do is…good enough, but not perfect.

With that said, I still find this a fitting enough end. Captain Carter gets to go out swinging to protect those she cares for and for all of infinity, while The Watcher realizes he’s more than just a voice or a faceless narrator who observes the fragments of the multiverse. He’s Uatu, and he’s the protector of infinity to make grander universes to observe, with brief flashes of the multiverse him and the others saved to prove. And…it’s really too bad we won’t get to see any of those.

Were these the best stories What If…? had to offer? Well…Not really, no. Aside from maybe one or two, it is, admittedly, not the BEST the show could make. Or the best stories they could have possibly made. It’s still enjoyable, but, once again, I can see why it’s not best for everyone.

…IT IS NOT THE WORST MCU SHOW, HOLY SHIT! The amount of people who bitch and moan about how awful the show is…makes me question reality, I’ll say that much. I genuinely wonder if there’s something wrong with ME or there’s something wrong with THEM with how VENOMOUS they get towards this show, especially with Captain Carter. I mean…what is with the hatred towards Captain Carter? They’re acting like the writers are FORCING fans to like her when…people like me just like her. And you wanna know WHY I like her? In fact, you wanna know WHY I liked What If…? Especially in this season? Because the writers give more of a shit about these characters than the MCU does.

Villains are allowed to come back and be better threats than they were in the movies.

Tony Stark can go on an intergalactic adventure instead of fighting evil billionaires.

Hela can look into who she is beyond a goddess of death.

Riri Williams can be an actual hero instead of a side character that’s forced into a spin-off.

Howard the Duck can be an actual character.

And Peggy Carter? She’s not someone who has boys fighting over or for Steve Rogers to win as a trophy. She’s not carefully tip-toeing through situations and appealing to men for the sake of getting THEM to get shit done. She’s a big, buff, BADASS woman who will do whatever she wants and wins like a fuckin’ CHAMPION because she is CAPTAIN GOSH DANG PEGGY CARTER! I don’t give two shits if you think she’s an industry plant. Ninety-percent of the heroes you LOVE are industry plants. THE FUCKING AVENGERS WERE INDUSTRY PLANTS! It was a collection of superheroes that weren’t doing well on their own, so Marvel just lumped them all together into a team, labeling them as “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.” AND YOU CALL THEM THAT TO THIS DAY! Just admit that it’s sexism that makes you hate her. You’re still annoying, but at least you’re honest about it.

Like What If…? or not, it’s at least USING these characters for more than what the MCU offered, especially the ones that the franchise refuses to touch because Kevin Fiege didn’t think ahead about how to use characters he spent millions to produce for the big and small screens. And I’m going to genuinely miss it for that reason alone. I had so much fun with this show because I got to see these characters I love go on more adventures they couldn’t in the main timeline. If it’s not your cup of tea, that’s fine. I can live with that. But don’t act like it’s a STAIN on the MCU when the MCU HAS GONE LOWER! It’s not the writers fault that they wanted to have fun instead of making YOUR fan fics come true. You want to see what happens if the other half got dusted? Write your own fan fic about it. Because if you don’t think What If…? has good writing, what makes you think it’ll deliver those high expectations to you. YOU are not the person this show is catering to. Deal with it.

As for me, I’ll miss this show. I genuinely will. It was fun while it lasted, but I guess fun can’t last forever. The only question now is…What’s next?

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