#UNTIL IT IS TIME TO SCREAM AND RUN
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I genuinely love that Watanuki, the guy who works for and practically lives with Yuuko Ichihara, continuously meets any suspicious scenario with a: Oh this must be one of those perfectly ordinary situations I keep hearing about
And Doumeki just sits there silently going >:|
They work so well together.
#Doumeki silently pieces all the clues together and says nothing#While Watanuki floats around pleasantly#trying to explain it all away by sheer force of will#UNTIL IT IS TIME TO SCREAM AND RUN#which is his other specialty#Not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle#xxxholic#xxxholic 74#Watanuki#Doumeki#Actually this reminds me very much of the OVA#Oh I want to go watch the OVA now
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DIVINE DEPARTURE
#One Piece#opgraphics#Shanks#Eustass Kid#*mine#sorry for the uglier gifs than usual 😓#anyway yOOO THE WAY THEY ANIMATED THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE WAS F*CKING INSANEEEEE#SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING#Shanks may not appear a lot throughout the series but when he does OOF he sure leaves an impact#i can't tell you how many times i rewatched this scene specifically#like the whole bit where he runs up towards Kid??#AMAZING BRILLIANT SHOWSTOPPING SPECTACULAR!!#RIP Kid didn't even know what was coming until it hit him...
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boat boys coded
#....does this make sense#it does in my head#lovers lane. dead end.#aka double life#they know it won't lead anywhere#in the long run it will only end in pain#whether it ends in a screaming match or just one too many empty promises — it doesn't matter. it still ends either way#and that's the part that really counts#but they don't do anything about it because what is there to do? your only option is to live the story#even if you know how it ends#so they go along with it#what other choice do they have?#they fall in love and they kiss and they kill and they do it all together. they follow lovers lane all the way until the end of the road#until they can't deny it anymore#their time is up#double life is over#they're running on borrowed time - delaying the inevitable#it's a dead end#and it was always going to be#and somewhere in between they may have convinced themselves that it might be different#(it's not)#(it never is)#IS THIS ANYTHING GUYS...#maybe i'm just insane#nya talks#hermitblr#trafficblr#joel smallishbeans#boat boys#smalletho
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For vaggie that spear is her support animal/therapist
For charlie, it's a rival she'd like to throw in lava but can't cause, it's vaggies support 'animal'
silly headcanon plot twist- Charlie's jealously at the spear ISN'T silly or irrational at all, it's a subconscious manifestation of Charlie's desperation for her girlfriend to actually open up emotionally to HER instead of to a WEAPON, confide fears and problems in CHARLIE, and a very frustrated, very also-emotionally-constipated-in-her-own-way Charlie doesn't wanna pin that frustration on Vaggie directly so she deflects all her anger to the spear, which as an inanimate objects, can't get any hurt feelings over this or decide Charlie is too much and dump her
we've done it. we've cracked the silly headcanon and found the angst waiting underneath XD XD XD
or maybe the above is all just what the hazbin crew speculates together, in their weekly "there's no way those two idiots don't have shit going on in their relationship" chaggie hotel gossip meet-ups
#hazbin hotel#chaggie#charlie morningstar#vaggie#making angst out of a silly headcanon#Husk probably both founded and runs said meet ups#t's like his support group he can vent and not lose his entire mind#at the hotel that's a front row seat to chaggie#and their obliviousness to their own unaddressed drama#angel dust treats the gossip meet-ups like a weekly soap opera and comes up with the most ideas which are pretty much garbage#including one where vaggie has an evil twin sister up in heaven#pentious takes it the most seriously#after every chaggie gossip session he picks their room to sneak into and anxiously watch them sleep (until vaggie kicks him out)#he's so WORRIED#but also sssstudying them. for tipsssss#niffty acts out all the chaggie speculation ideas in real time with dead bug puppets#other than that she just likes speculating on how many people vaggie's probably killed and how she might have done it and#how charlie would scream in horror if she found out#alastor is NEVER invited to these meet ups#he always shows up anyway#and brings heartbreak-themed snacks no one else at the meet-up ever touches#he tried bribing Razzle and Dazzle into joining in with an offer of doughnuts in exchange for their own unique insight into chaggie#they burnt the doughnuts to ash but#silently DID promise not to tell chaggie about the meetings#keekee uses the meetings to make rounds and get as many pettings as possible#chaggie drama as a spectator sport is a hotel tradition that its founder and manager have NO IDEA exists and no one has died for (yet)
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See like the only reason I think the others seriously believed Curly may have crashed the ship is cause he basically had a 30 Rock "I lie to myself" momentary breakdown in front of them after one too many mocktails and like completely forgot about it.
#gee cap how do you handle all the responsibilty and stress of running such a fragile ship and crew? and Curly is gripping their shoulder#hard as hell cause hes not but he lies to himself and pushes it deep down until its buried.#him and daisuke are hanging on by a thread cause no way Daisuke isnt thinking in the back of his mind#“like omg why are you all so negative all the freakin time” and Curly is just listening to Daisuke breaking another pipe Swansea being rude#Jimmy being Jimmy and worrying about Anya like yeah i need more pre crash Jimmy being like what if I ended it just once or like tweaking ou#in his room in private like shutting the door screaming and then being like I will take responsibility for my crew *eye twitch*#also personal thought is he was also depressed and suicidal but in the way he really doesnt care what happens to him as long as everyone#else was fine like he wanted more in his life but he was also willing to let it pass him by as he laments how he felt he wasnt living for#anything and how it was affecting him before Jimmy shut him down#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#like pls i need to see more jaded curly like only Daisuke is truly hopeful and its literally because he would've lost nothing at the end of#the trip and hes like a college second semester freshman or whatever#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing spoilers
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my ideal terminal devotion dynamic is 'one fell first but the other fell harder'. i want damian to quietly pin after rakiel for years, never saying anything because he doesn't dare to ask or even hope for it and is content with just remaining at his side for the rest of eternity. and rakiel to be completely oblivious to everything until one day he looks at damian and realizes 'oh i need to crawl into his ribcage' and being a mess about it.
damian falling in love softly and gently, one kind gesture at a time. and rakiel not really falling as much as faceplanting all at once.
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#cpsm spoilers#<- little bit#terminal devotion#damian cayenne#rakiel magentano#also. i just remembered rakiel *did* crawl into damian's ribcage that one time. also memorized the map of his heart. uh.#but anyway i love the idea of damian being completely chill about his feelings because he's had years to get used to the idea#of them being unrequited forever. only for rakiel to go rabid five minutes after having his feelings revelation.#rakiel represses so many of his emotions so much more than he even realizes. and then when they explode he's shaking and screaming about it#i want him to unconsciously put aside his feelings for damian until he takes one good look at them and gets run over by them#damian is quietly going on with his day and rakiel is trembling in the corner like 'i desire him carnally'
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I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏
#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania#so im like ??? wtf is happening?#i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like#hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts#so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme#like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha#ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho#before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol#anyway. im curious#menstruation#pmdd#pms#its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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Just sent my little brother a youtube video depicting the new Until Dawn ending and now we are theorising like crazy and this is genuinely the most conversation we have had with each other in over a year.
When the original game came out, I was 12 and he was 8, and he's turning 18 next month and I haven't lived with him in over three years, and we've only spoken a handful of times since our dad died, but I so much as mention Until Dawn and now we're yapping away endlessly and this is SO IMPORTANT TO ME.
#god im having feelings#me and my brother sitting on the bed at my nans house as kids FAR too young to be playing that game#sharing the remote and playing alternate chapters#and yelling at each other for making stupid decisions#and him screaming at me when i sneeze during a dont move and kill sam#to me and my brother as teenagers in our dads new house#and me running into his bedroom after replaying the game for the millionth time while he listens to me complain about how difficult#the final sequence is#to me and my brother living in different countries#but i sent him a link to a youtube video at midnight#and within five minutes he replies in full capital letters theorising about the new epilogue with sam#and if the sequel will involve being able to go back to the mountain and save josh#AND MAKING PLANS TO SEE THE MOVIE WITH ME#until dawn you are such an important part of my life god bless#my first tumblr url way back in like 2016 was a until dawn reference wow#until dawn#until dawn remake
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This is a spoiler (I guess) but why are these the same photo?!?!?!
#the santa clause#the santa clauses#bernard the elf#i was gonna go on a longer rant but I am so tired after this#the council is useless and can’t interfere despite that being A MAJOR PART OF 2 & 3#Bernard is just explained away and all these new elves have been the savoirs of the pole this whole time#who even took over when MS was nutcrackered#just one more#i can get through it#until Dis+ had to honor whatever blood pact they have with tim allen and confirms season 3#y’all cancel Muppets but this schlock will run for 40 yrs probably#i’m done#sally screams
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i don’t know man, if i remade my entire self in a shape that my god could love and then i lost her, i’d be a lot worse. ten could have been far more batshit and i would have forgiven him completely.
#never ever be over ten as the priest to rose’s bad wolf its sooo taaty and fucks them both up#rose never asked to be this to him. she just wanted to save him.#but because she saved him he had to be reborn from devotion. how was he ever going to be fit for anything but prostrating himself over#altars. has to be dragged kicking and screaming from sacrificing himself because this is what he was made for.#until finally it kills him. it was always going to kill him.#and he knows that when he dies without rose he will lose the parts of her she burned into him.#he will never be worthy to kneel for her again. he doesn’t even know that he’ll want to. terrifying to forget how to pray.#you understand. you do. ten my fucked up little guy who loves so hard its a religion not a relationship#you can’t be domestic with a goddess. which is all she wants. but she burns too bright. and he’s running out of time to see her.
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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I've actually had a really good day today for a change
#while me and my friends were walking to the bus stop we found a shopping trolley#and used it to carry our bags the reat of the way there#people were looking at us like we were insane#cant imagine why#moving on#after school the trolley was still at the bus stop 🥳🥳 so we used it to carry our bags again#when i got home my sisters friends were over and i had to go with them to coles (theyre all like 10)#my friend wanted to come so i met up with her and she came to coles with us#my sister + co started running away from me and my friend so we had to chose then around the store (we got yelled at multiple times)#i saw a guy from my primary school there#it was very awkward (he stared at me while i ran past him)#then we went to the store across the road and me and my friend has to chase sister+co around there too#then we went to the park#sister+co started plotting something#then one of my sister's friends started taking photos of me and my friend to make shitty memes#then me+friend started walking away and sister+co went down to the river (the park is directly next to a river)#then when sister+co weren't looking me+friend grabbed their bag of snacks and ran#they saw us tho :( then they chased us#but we got away#until we didn't#my sister started screaming at me so i dropped the bag and ran but she followed me#sister was holding a half full bottle of coke (coca cola not cocaine) and she started walking menacingly towards me and i was backing away#from her#but then she threw the coke all over me :((#then me+friend walked back home after yelling at sister+co#...#so#that was my day#idkwhattoputhere123
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crying screaming sobbing shitting my pants
#THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THEY DROPPED WB CONTENT WHILE I WAS ON SHIFT#I NEEDED TO WAIT UNTIL MY BREAK TO SCREAM ABOUT IT#IM GOUNG FJUCKING INSANE LOOK AT HIM LOOK AT HIM#REAL WB STORY CONTENT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NEARLY A YEAR#HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM#MY MAN MY EVERYTHING#I’m so normal about wildberry#crk#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#wildberry cookie#crk wildberry cookie
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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#i wanna kiss you like the first time#hold you like its not goodbye#wish i hadnt been so cruel#i wanna let all my defenses down#scream until you hear me out#i lay it on the line for you#le song shouting#my minds made up!#take me baaack take me back! to san! fran! cisco!#i know#what we haaad never lasts! i! cant! let go of you!#i might#show up on your doorstep#soaking wet#say im done running from the one that i want so bad#take me baaack! take me back!#Spotify#music#audio
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