#U R LIVING IN MY HOUSE
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Definitely a lover girl (I can tell that through your posts too lol), hurt to comfort (probably when the hurt comes from outside out the pairing) seems to be your favourite tag in fics, you like hot chocolate (the kind that's super dark but not extreme extreme), and you'd want to receive paper flowers one day (these are so random for the assumptions thingy 'm sorry-)
Can u like be my wingman/woman?
#WHO ARE YOU#FIND ME A BF PLS#U R LIVING IN MY HOUSE#VOME OUT AND SHOW URSELF#AND YES I LOVE DARK BUT NOT SO DARK HOT CHOCOLATE OMGGG#craving some rn tbh#AND THE PAPER FLOWERSSSSS#I love flowersss#[𝐘𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞?]
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congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#these took so long i kept getting distracted cries#but they r done and this is yuuji's post canon scar map to me. argue with a wall we should have had this#looks at canon this sign won't stop me bc i cant read >:(#smh robbed!!!!!! the potential!!!!! the aesthetic!!!!! th angst the symbolism!!!!!!#gege i respect u i do not want beef after u let my boys live#but u rly couldnt have scuffed him up a LITTLE more.....there were so many to choose from didnt u have a favourite.....#all he has to show fr all that r two little scratches. rly.#((not counting the ear n fingers thank god i get That much))#anyway i made a whole post abt why i think yuuji should have kept the scars n what it would have stood for symbolically#its along th same lines as the yuuji Big Face Scar agenda hh i just care a lot abt character design n visual storytelling ok#anyway fine he can keep the eye but in this house it grew back wrong it's lighter and foggy and now his prescription is stronger#as fr the rest#megumi has dibs on the upper right eye apparently so yuuji can have the bottom half#i would have doubled down on the scars on his left but a. the right side is the symbolic one#b. he healed an entire eye so it makes sense tht he'd heal other more minor injuries as well#c. tbh it's mostly based on what looked good i think this arrangement guides the eye across his face nicely#gave him a lil nose nick bc smth smth sukuna idk it's just there to balance things out#also as i said. the jaw and neck scar are there for kissing purposes i make the rules im salty and i do what i want smile#in other news thank u past hina fr doing those hair render studies im very happy with my yuuji hair as of late
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subterranean
FANDOM : house of wax (2005) PAIRING : bo sinclair x afab!fem!reader RATING : explicit 🔞 WORDCOUNT : 3.9k
Reader POV. Basement fuckery. He tells you it's to keep you humble. It’s really just to keep you scared. The distinction doesn’t matter. You end up here again and again, knees biting into the concrete.
Crossposted on A03 here.
⚠️ Stockholm Syndrome. VERY dubious consent under duress. This was supposed to just be porn without plot. But then I lost my goddamn mind. Oops. Decent amount of weird prose. Depersonalization and derealization. Pet play (but make it weird and kinda metaphorical). Collaring. Forced boot riding. Vibrator and anal plug use. Bondage/gagging/edging. Bo at his absolute WORST (his natural state), being smug and mean and awful. Dirty talk dialed ALL the way up. Extremely dehumanizing and degrading language. Mind break elements. LOTS of backhanded praise. ⚠️
You always got too comfortable.
A lifetime before—when you were first here—you sat on this mattress with him, swallowing down mouthfuls of cold beef and carrots. You can remember the soup swirling in the can, murky and brown like a puddle of stagnant rainwater. He hadn't bothered to warm it up for you, but it hadn’t mattered. The food was something. Sometimes it felt like everything.
You licked the broth off the spoon as he plugged another tape into the VCR.
“One of my favorites.” He told you. Of course it was. Every movie he showed you down here was one of his favorites. Every can of soup might be the last. It was always the same things, over and over.
That’s when you started to lose track of time, you think—when you’d started to cling onto all that nothing.
Time wasn’t all that bad of a thing to lose, was it? Who needed it when his thumb was rubbing against your knee, stroking up your skin? The soup was cold, and his hand was warm. You traded one for the other and you liked it.
Funny. Thoughts like that always felt like they came with an or else tacked at the end.
A chunk of potato sat unpleasantly on your tongue—almost bitter, gravel in your mouth. Just like everything else, you swallowed it down.
He pressed play, his fingers drifting up your thigh. The TV quality was fuzzy, interrupted by the occasional flicker of static. Sometimes the films he chose would start in the middle of scenes. You’d get brief glimpses of things he’d recorded over—the triumphant blare of a talk show theme cutting off mid-note, dropping you in media res. He always assured you that you weren’t missing anything. At least that was one thing he didn’t bother lying about.
The movie wasn’t why you remembered that day, though. It was because of something he’d asked you.
“Where’d ya’ grow up?”
You hadn’t known what to say. He never asked you things like that. Your confusion only deepened when you turned towards him. There was no tension in his jaw, no furrowing of his brow. He looked, for the first time, wholly and startlingly calm.
When you failed to answer, he leaned forward and switched the TV off. He never did that either.
“Tell me ‘bout it. Whatchu do out there, anyway?”
You always regret not lying to him.
The world had shrunk down so much in the time you’d been in the town that it almost felt like you could gather it up and stuff it in your pocket.
You think about home. It looks different now.
Spidery tendrils of dust cling to the gaps between the balusters. It’s so difficult to get light in the house. No matter how many windows you open, there are always corners lost to shadow.
It’s strange how you could be up there one day, replacing the bulb under a fringed lampshade—and the next, you’d be tumbled back underground.
Just last week, you were lying on the couch in the living room.
The dog had padded into the room. She’d been gone for the better part of the day. With the doors unlocked, she went wherever she pleased. It had worried you at first, but it didn't anymore. She'd never leave town. She knew better.
At least, that’s what he’d said.
“Come here, beautiful.”
Jumping up, she curled into the space beside you. You wrapped your arm around her, wrinkling your nose. She reeked terribly of dog, stale corn chips and dirt and musk. You wondered if she might let you give her a bath now that you were in her good graces. It took a while to get there, but she came around. In a manner of speaking, the same thing had happened with you.
Pretty funny, huh?
Earlier, you'd been thinking about the puppies in the pet store window. Did she know about them? Slumbering away behind glass and dust, forever only a couple breaths old. Click. A switch was flipped, and they were as alive as they would ever be, nestled on newspaper shavings. On days like this, did she ever make her way down the hill to see them?
“Girls don’t last in this town.” You murmured, scratching behind her ear. “Just me and you, yeah?”
With a huff, she buried her head in the crook of your neck. It seemed like she was done listening to you.
That was fair, really. Half the time you weren’t even saying what you were really thinking anymore—and when you did, you weren't entirely sure that you made much sense. So much of yourself was locked up in your head and you kept forgetting where you left the keys. It all got clogged up inside your skull and oozed out of your mouth in a trail of sickly platitudes. You were just so thankful, so grateful.
“Sorry.” You whispered. You were always sorry for something, and sometimes you even meant it.
The rays of light were receding off of the arm of the couch, crawling up the wall. Your thoughts filled the living room. You could almost see them floating through the air, bouncing off each other like bubbles. Fleeting, effervescent things, popping as soon as you tried to track their paths. When you turned your head, you could smell his cologne. It was his jacket, hanging discarded over the couch cushions.
For a sudden, terrifying moment, you missed him.
That’s when you said the prayer. You didn't know where you meant for it to go. You guessed it was for whoever was around to hear it. Most days it was him and some of the time it was his mother. Both choices rang false. If God was still in this town, it was here, caught in these beams of light. Or maybe God was the dog heavy on top of you, her breath a rhythmic rumble against your throat.
Maybe you wouldn’t last long. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking.
Today, Bo fastens the collar around your neck. The leather feels heavy against your skin.
He tells you it’s to keep you humble. It’s really just to keep you scared. The distinction doesn’t matter. All the light bulbs you screw in will eventually need to be replaced. Wiping away the dust only gives way to more dust. You'll end up here again and again, knees biting into the concrete.
This almost feels more like his room than the one he sleeps in up at the house. Here, you can feel him more than anywhere else. There's more of you down here too. Real, tangible parts of yourself. Look around. There you are in the stain on the mattress, the blood crusted on the vinyl.
Welcome back, baby.
You keep your gaze on the ground, searching for something to bore your eyes into. Your eyes land on his shoes. Flecked with dirt, they bear obvious signs of wear. There’s a sizable hole in the toe of one of them. You focus in on that as he readjusts the collar, tightening the strap around your neck.
Embarrassment heats your cheeks as you hear him click the leash into place. Even without looking up at him, you can picture the expression on his face. It isn’t a good one. You still can’t decide if he looks more or less like himself when he screws his face up like that.
Tugging roughly at the leash, he forces you to look up at him. Wrists bound; your hands flex uselessly against your back.
“Please—”
Without warning, he sticks his fingers into your mouth, forcing them to the back of your throat. You choke, your hands flexing in panic behind your back. When he pulls them out, you cough, eyes watering.
“Now, normally I like hearin’ you, baby.” He says, smiling down at you. His face is a discordant thing. All American, boy next door. A slice of apple pie that someone put a cigarette out in. “But you know somethin’—”
He crouches down in front of you, still smiling. You watch him silently, shifting anxiously on your knees.
“I never did meet a dog who could talk.” Reaching over, he flicks at the metal ring on the collar. “Feels wrong.”
Dropping the leash, he gets to his feet, striding away. You crane your neck to the side as he rustles around behind you. After a moment, he lets out an affirmative grunt.
Quickly, you pivot your head back to the front. Making his way back to stand in front of you, your eyes flash to the item in his hands. Seemingly amused by your concern, he dangles it in front of you.
It’s a ball gag, shiny and black—noticeably a hair newer than the rest of the junk down here. Maybe he bought it just for you. It’d make a pretty lousy gift, but then again, he was always shit at stuff like that.
He had an incredible knack for getting you shit that you never asked for. Everything came with conditions, a laundry list of provisos and conditions that you didn't remember signing up for. Everything he gave you was actually for him.
“Open up, baby.”
Before you can think to do as he asks, his thumb forces your mouth open, pressing down on your teeth. You sputter as he forces the gag into your mouth, securing it around the back of your neck.
“That’s better, yeah?” He asks, grabbing hold of the leash again.
You stare up at him, exhaling tight bursts of air through your nose. You tilt your head a bit, working your jaw around the ball. Your teeth rest uncomfortably on the rubber.
“You been so good today, think we outta give that pussy some attention, huh?” He smirks. “Whatchu think?”
You whine, the noise coming out in an embarrassingly wet gurgle. Spit runs out of your mouth, dripping down your chin and trickling onto your neck.
“So cute.” His voice is syrupy sweet. He can play at authenticity, but never with you.
He kicks your thighs apart with his foot, nudging the tip of his boot between your legs. His eyebrows shoot up expectantly as he nods down at you.
“Go on, then.”
Disgust is an old friend. She disappears for months at a time, only to show up unexpectedly as if no time has passed. She’s back again, turning your stomach around in her hands. You tilt your hips down. Rubbing yourself against the tip of his shoe, you wonder if he’s doing this for old times' sake.
Rocking forward, you imagine a glossy magazine cover. You could see him on the cover of one. He does have the face for it, when he bothers to put it on.
Bored? 50 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive!
Your jaw is beginning to ache. Bo's hand strokes softly at the top of your head. You hate that the pressure against your clit almost feels good. Your mind unhelpfully supplies more article titles, bubbling up in your mind in obnoxiously curly lettering.
10 Mouth Exercises For The Modern Woman. Have You Tried Screaming? It’s All The Rage in This Town. Once You Start, You Won’t Want to STOP!
“That’s it.” He grins. “What a little slut.”
You look up at him pleadingly, another dribble of spit running down your chin.
“Always got told ya’ shouldn’t let dogs up on the bed.” He muses, the amusement plain in his voice. “But you been on your best behavior, huh?”
Last week, you fell asleep on the couch. You woke up somewhere else.
It was dark and you were pressed against something warm. Not the dog, not the light. Those were both gone. His jacket hanging off the side of the couch, maybe. But it was moving now, and so were you.
“Gotta getcha to bed.” He’d muttered, carrying you up the stairs.
You lay across Bo's lap, the side of your cheek against the dirty mattress. You shudder, your legs shaking.
“Pretty girl.” Reaching over, he tugs you up by the leash, forcing your head back.
Every breath you take seems to make your muscles clench around the plug in your ass. He works it in and out of you slowly and you gulp, shallow breaths whistling out of your nostrils. Every time you jolt forward you can feel him press against you, hard against your belly.
“Hey. What’s wrong, baby? That hurt?”
You nod frantically.
“Huh. Funny…'cuz I don't think it does. You wanna know how I know?” You feel him spread you open, fingers dipping into your pussy. “You’re wet for it, baby.”
He pushes the plug deeper, and your head spins at the sensation. A warbling moan pitches out of your mouth as you feel it sink fully into you. You shiver uncontrollably, whimpering around the gag. Saliva gathers on your tongue, and you feel it spill out of the side of your mouth, pooling under your cheek.
“Good.” He rumbles out, stroking his knuckles along your back. “That’s my good girl.”
You squeeze your eyes shut when you feel him nudge something between your legs. With a click, the vibrator buzzes to life. You let out a startled cry as he strokes it along your pussy.
“It’s nice, huh?” He chuckles. “Don’tchu act like I never gave you anything.”
The vibrator teases against your clit in short bursts, pressing down just long enough to leave you panting before he pulls it away. Almost enough, not quite. You arch back uselessly, chasing after that glittery warm sensation. He laughs a bit, holding the vibrator just above your clit.
You can feel the edge of pleasure, but it’s nothing more than a distant dull thrum. He keeps you hovering over it for what feels like forever, squirming over a feeling that’s hardly there. You bite down on the gag, your sob watery and muffled around the rubber.
“This body’s all mine, girl.” He murmurs, running his thumb down your spine. “I ain’t gotta make it feel good.”
With a hum, he rests the vibrator fully onto your clit. The sensation you’ve been chasing envelopes you, shimmering through your core. Nasally, high-pitched whines escape you in quick, desperate succession.
“But I do, don’t I? ‘Cuz I’m just so sweet.”
You open your eyes, staring up at him in bleary gratitude. He presses down on the plug. The discomfort has crested over and all you feel now is loose and pliant. You moan around the gag, your eyes fluttering.
“You like having somethin’ in your ass while I play with this pussy?”
And you nod, humming out your agreement.
“Mmm-hmm? Yeah?” He teases, mimicking your garbled reply. "That's good, baby. That's real good. Reckoned I’d fuck your ass today, but that pussy’s gettin’ nice and wet for me. Whatchu think? Which hole you want fucked?”
You mumble incoherently through the gag.
“All of ‘em?” He exclaims, the grin evident in his voice. “Well, ain’t that real sweet. Good answer, baby.”
He keeps talking, but it’s getting harder to focus on what he’s saying.
“Next crew that comes through here—maybe I’ll tell ‘em I got a slut who needs breakin’ in. You spread those legs so nice, sure you’d fuckin’ love it.”
The image flashes through your mind. Hands everywhere, laughter and heat and friction from a kaleidoscope of people destined for death. You’re in the middle of all of those faceless people—a tribute to be used up, one last meal for a parade of living corpses.
You’re all destined for the same end, but theirs is closer than they know. Yours is prolonged, tied around touches and salt.
Bo would be in the corner, lighting another cigarette—watching, because he’s always watching. Mouth twitching into a smile because he’s right again. You’re exactly what he thinks you are. You’ll keep your eyes on him because you can’t look at anyone else. After all, if it isn’t his hands, could you even feel it? Would it even count?
The panic is sudden and hot, twisting inside your chest. A desperate little whine builds at the back of your throat.
If I’m everybody else's, I can’t be yours.
“I’d have a hard time sharin’, though.”
Relief. The vibrator pulses against your clit and your eyes go unfocused.
“’S funny. Gotchu down here—and nobody knows.”
Between your legs, your pussy feels pathetically wet, sloppily sliding along the vibrator. You almost wish he’d keep you like this forever, jolts of pleasure lapping hungrily between your legs.
“If there’s even anybody out there lookin’ for ya’…” He muses. “Wish they could see ya’ now, huh? Don’t think they’d feel bad for you, baby.”
Pleasure rolls dizzily through you, electric licks of sensation as he rubs the vibrator against your clit. The rubber in your mouth is an anchor, it feels good on your teeth.
“Betchu thought you were really somethin’ out there.” He chuckles. “How’s it feel to find out you ain’t? Feels good, don’t it?”
You open your eyes and nod up at him, panting out your agreement. Through the haze, you see him smirk. It’s a cruel, cold thing. You’re all full and useless, but he doesn’t need you to say it, because he knows. Thoughtlessly, you shift in his lap, trying desperately to spread your legs wider for him.
“Nothin’ but a little fucktoy.” He coos. “That’s all you are, baby. Want you to remember that.”
He doesn’t need to worry. You remember everything, except what counts.
“Good girls cum, baby. They can’t help it.”
You’re hurtling higher and higher, the pleasure battering against your brain. That’s where the memories are, where the time used to be. It feels better to fill it with this. But then again, you’ve known that from the start.
“Go on, baby. Cum all pretty for me, yeah?”
And you do, a million times over.
He keeps the vibrator pressed firmly against your clit as you tense up, your hands clenching into tight fists behind your back. Your orgasm is a bone-deep shiver, wracking your legs with uncontrollable chills. The pleasure throttles through the last of your coherency, prizing a desperate noise from your throat. Maybe it’s a word. It might be his name. It might just be the time. Maybe this is how you find it again.
The buzz of the vibrator goes dim and far away as he holds it against you. You’re twitching somewhere above it. Each involuntary movement you make brings with it a new hiccup of sensation. Around you, the room seems to spin—whirling into a terrific blur of green and yellow.
It can be beautiful down here, if you squint.
When he lifts the vibrator off your clit, you pitch forward, warbling out a dizzy laugh behind the gag. You wait for the sound of the wand powering off. It doesn't come. Behind you, the buzzing is a low, incessant drone. You’ve barely managed to ground yourself when you hear it kick up a notch.
Click.
The sheets smell like all the thousand versions of you, each one answering questions she shouldn’t. Four walls surround you and they feel like they’re collapsing down on all sides. They could be made of plaster or stone, but they might just be something else. Your limbs, your heart, your mind, him. Separate appendages, but all linked. All part of the same crumbling structure.
A scream builds at the back of your throat as you feel him set it back on your clit.
“We ain’t done, baby.”
Your sleep is deep. Quiet. Only one dream.
Bo’s sitting on the edge of the bed, an inky blot in the gray morning light. He makes a move to stand up and you grab onto his arm.
“Go back to bed, angel.” He murmurs.
It almost sounds real enough.
When you wake up, you're alone. You try the door and find it unlocked.
Figures.
Upstairs, the shop is empty. There’s a can of unopened Coke on the counter. You crack it open and take a sip. Lukewarm bubbles of carbonation fizz over your tongue. God, he really was shit with gifts.
Walking up the hill, you catch your reflection in the window of a sedan. You look haggard, your hair a raggedy clump around your shoulders. You try the handle and it cracks open easily. Crawling into the dirty belly of the car, you wince as you lower yourself down into the seat. You sit with one leg dangling out, absentmindedly studying the dusty speedometer.
There are cars in other towns, parked on different streets. There are places without dust. There are always other futures. Sometimes you turn down the wrong road, and sometimes you die. Sometimes you don’t.
That’s just the way these things go.
You imagine the town collapsing in on itself like a pop-up book. There’s Bo, frowning down at it. He seemed like he’d been the type of kid that wasn’t allowed to check those kinds of things out from the library. He’d bring them back with pages ripped out, scrawled with pen marks. Pilled white card stock where faces used to be.
God, you’re miserably sore. It’s impossible to narrow down the ache to a certain part of you.
Lifting your leg into the car, you pull the door shut. The dust inside tickles your nose. Unthinkingly, you reach up, your fingers brushing against the metal buckle of the seatbelt. The sting is sharp and immediate. You pull your hand away with a hiss, your hand smarting. When you reach for the seatbelt again, you’re careful to avoid the clip.
You buckle yourself in. Click. Alive again, now more than ever. Wrapping your hands around the steering wheel, you close your eyes. The leather is hot against your palms, and it hurts a bit. Just a little. That’s just the pain again, but you don’t really mind. It’s something you can keep. It’s all yours.
Nothin’ you can’t handle, girl.
That’s what he said last night. Afterwards.
You were laying with your head in his lap, the itchy crust of dried spit against your cheek. It was then that you decided that you were so ugly that you had to be beautiful. You had to be worth looking at. You’d rolled over on your back, looking up at him through swollen eyes. That’s when he said it, so low and quiet that you almost didn’t register it. There’d been a an edge of pride to his voice.
Nothin’ at all.
A lick of pleasure thrums between your legs and your eyes flash open. You unbuckle the seatbelt and scramble out of the car, ignoring the pain that sings through your limbs.
Things like that? They always came with an or else tacked at the end. You remember that, don’t you? You couldn’t have forgotten.
Looming above you, the house is a dark blot of ink against the blue sky.
There were no collars for dogs in this town—they didn’t need them. They’d always find their way back home, pawing at the door for some scraps. The only leash is the one that exists in your mind. You can almost see it, trailing off your neck and up the hill, looped messily around the front doorknob.
You were going to die here with all that wetness between your legs, begging him to take out more of you with his teeth.
It's like he said.
You don’t need to tie up a dog if it loves you.
#I FINALLY finished this shit. it's horrific. tysm for coming there are drinks n snacks @ the door#we're goin back 2 ambrose I'm sorry 2 say#and our first stop? oh. just down these stairs#house of wax#bo sinclair#bo sinclair x reader#slashers x reader#slasher community#x reader#my fics#in his basement like damn bitch u live like this#shit is dis cos tang#r/malelivingspace for fuckin real#I've stared @ these bingo bongo ass words for far too long. so I'm sure there's errors. but I will fix them when BRAINCELL lmao
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thinking about how Mayesh is the mirror for the Ashkar people - being human in the eyes of House Aurelian means that they think all Ashkar are human. He protects them all in this way, ensuring that the Sault will be safe and that what happened in Malgasi (murdering all Ashkar) will not happen in Castellane.
this also applies to Kel, in a way. Kel is the person Conor loves/cares for above all others, yet he is a common citizen of Castellane - technically, the lowest possible class, since Kel is an orphan without a significant name, and family names are the most important source of power in Castellane. therefore, Kel is the mirror for the common people of Castellane - although he is considered an object/property in the eyes of nearly all of House Aurelian, being human in the eyes of Conor, the person who will one day be King, shows the future ruler that the people he rules are actual PEOPLE, not just subjects to use and manipulate to the ruler's liking. in this way, Kel protects the commoners of Castellane, which is so interesting. we see him do this multiple times in Sword Catcher when he is trying to instill empathy in Conor for others, including Lin (when Kel talks sense into Conor and and says "do you want her to be afraid of you?" which really hits Conor hard because he doesn't realize the full scope of his power and the fact that he uses it carelessly).
and what makes this more insane is the way that Mayesh doesn't even see Kel as a human, just an object, even though they serve similar important purposes for their respective classes. on my third read of Sword Catcher, I really honed in on the way that Mayesh treats Kel, and he really does not treat him as a damn human being!!! it's so awful. the hypocrisy of Mayesh is so wild, he is such an interesting character because of all his contradictions. anyways i'm so unwell about this!!!
#the way i could go on and on#i could go on a rant about how kel and jolivet have parallels too. all of house aurelian has some similarity to kel yet treat him as inhuma#every time i read sword catcher i get more and more insane with the hidden details#mayesh please i'm rooting for you dude but the way you treat kel like an object and the things he says to him...he stays testing me fr#like when he tells lin who kel is and shes asking all these questions about who kel really is and his origins an mayesh is like “who cares”#and saying “oh yeah he was probably unwanted for all the regular reasons” ...sir you did not just say that shit about my boy Kel#especially not in front of your grandaughter whom you ABANDONED sdkfjjasfskljfdals#also at the very end of the book kel's last interaction w mayesh and hes like dude where r u going?? and kel's like dont worry bout me#and mayesh is like “i am not sure i was worrying” like LMFAOOOO he dont give a FUCK if kel lives or dies fr#sword catcher#kel saren#conor aurelian#the ragpicker king
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Indomitable human spirit this indomitable human spirit that but what about cockroaches? Weve got nothing on those insane bitches
#ive grown something of a soft spot for the common house roach i fear#i think ive always had a connection to them or maybe ive just always shared my apartments with them#and dont get me wrong they freak me out kinda#but theres something about their will to live they always find a way#idk man and some of them r kinda cute they make me sad sometimes u know??
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baby boy baby
#sorry guys still not ever season 2#none of my moots or followers r gonna get this#please i just wanna give him a hug#not in a simp way more in a wow look at this weird fuckin cat im gonna name you gerard and u will live in my house#demon slayer#gyutaro
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experiencing any level of joint pain for longer than a day or two has only reinforced my belief that ppl with chronic pain are actually the strongest motherfuckers on the goddamn planet
#marzi speaks#hi. my knees r still kinda fucked up. at some point a few days ago i hyperextended my elbows#so now those have been hurting#my traps r fucked bc i’ve been stressed and those are prone to holding tension in me#my knee pain made me walk wrong for a little bit so now i’m trying to fix that to alleviate the foot and ankle pain#oh yeah. my thumb is still tender for some reason despite the tendonitis having been healed as well#the only part of my body that hasn’t betrayed me as of yet is my spine and pelvis#i am so sick of moving and having it hurt#and like i can go about my day n shit. and have a good time#but it is always there and it is fucking annoyingggg#and ppl with chronic pain just live their whole lives like this.#and they don’t blow up and attack anyone who treats them shitty about it#and i am amazed#bc i talked to my dad abt maybe going to the doctor abt my knees to see what’s going on#bc i don’t remember injuring them at all and i don’t really feel too much improvement on a day to day#and he just gave me a stretch to do about it#now the stretch helps. but my knees still hurt. so like. what do u want from me#if i were to bring it up again he’d probably say it wasn’t a big deal. he’s seen me hobble around the house n how slow i’m moving rn#i normally run around my house. i have been walking at a pace that pisses me off bc i’m impatient#even just having like. worries that are probably exagerrated get dismissed like that has kinda made me wanna kill him a little bit#and this is something that i know is gonna heal and get better#ppl with chronic pain don’t Get That. and they are still dismissed constantly#how do you not like. murder everyone around you. the infinite patience. genuinely the strongest among us#i didn’t mean to complain in these tags as much as i did (my knees r actually doing pretty ok rn and my ankles are getting better)#but i suppose i am bitter
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no because like. okay i KNOW eddie does have wife related trauma but ALSO there are Layers here and it is s o o o o fascinating that eddie is getting CRIPPLING panic attacks over someone being called his wife. like. you would think maybe said wife related trauma would be the cause of that — like yknow. the woman i called my WIFE died, so now im terrified of ever having anyone else be called my wife , because what if that happens to her TOO. only NO. THATS ACTUALLY NOT IT AT ALL. it's anxiety about what having a wife means for HIM. like. LIKE. INSANE IMPLICATIONS INSAAAAANE IMPLICATIONS!!!!!!!!
#im feeling p a r t i c u l a r l y feral after this specific part of the arc#like GAH#the i m p l i c a t i o n s#ALSO EDDIE GETTING CALLED OUT FOR HIS REPRESSION (ALBEIT IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT BUT HELLO REPRESSION IS REPRESSION) IN THE SAME EPISODES#FEELIN EXTRA INSANE#the internalized homophobia is SO STRONG here its SO STRONG#i need to read like a million fics about his now#ALSO A L S O#EDDIE BEING LIKE YEAH NO I DONT WANT THE READY MADE FAMILY NO THANK YOU NOT WITH HER#EXCEPT THE E X A C T THING HE DOESNT WANT WITH ANA IS WHAT HE HAS WITH BUCK LIKE.#CHRIS IS WITH ANA DURING THE BLACKOUT RIGHT. AND EDDIE DOESNT LIKE THAT?? HER BEING THE ONE LIVING AT HIS HOUSE TAKING CARE OF HIS SON#BUT WHEN B U C K DID IT AFTER EDDIE GOT SHOT HE DIDNT BAT AN EYE HE WAS GRATEFUL FOR IT HE COULDNT HAVE WANTED ANYTHING ELSE#AND JUST. J U S T. FEELING SOOOOO INSANE OVER THIS#(ALSO THE ABSOLUTE COLD SHOULDER BUCK GIVES ANA WHEN SHE BRINGS CHRIS TO THE STATION LMFAO. HE DOESNT EVEN SAY H I TO HER GJDKSKS JEALOUSSS)#BUT Y E A H. EDDIE NOT WANTING THAT BC HE DOESNT NEED IT — BECAUSE HE ALREADY H A S IT. WITH BUCK.#GNAWING ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSUREEEEEE#eddie diaz#911
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#spending so much time doing house stuff when i have dpwntime all i can do is snooze#the landlord replaced the fuckd up laundry machines tho! we have these fancy ones now tht sing annoyig songs when th clothes r done#gonna start painting soon and then im gonna be reattaching the cabinetry in the kitchen bc its all fuckd up#frank.txt#u know despite how rough things are i AM hapy w this place . its so cozy and VERY quiet . and my abuser doesnt know where i live anymore#which is gr8 ! i can go outside and im less likely to deal w irl stalking again. still an agoraphobe bc stalking scary as hell BUT#At least im an agoraphobe in a cozy house that is far away from my prev place so its also safer#mental illness and seasonal depression and ptsd stuff kinda make this month scary for me BUT#its ok. its esp ok bc im making ham on xmas. literally all is well when i can make a big meal and watch ppl eat my food#downsides of this house - well ttoday i saw a stinkbug in the oven:(
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“ when you sing to them … i see — colors . ” anyone else would deem it a defect . he knows the scientists would have . would sonic think the same .ᐣ no … perhaps not .
@stygianark
“ Colors ... ? ” Sonic repeats, softly bewildered . Ear delicately flicking as he turns to face Shadow . Shadow who, despite standing tall & remaining as poised as ever, is now looking way less intimidating than usual . Sonic supposes a few things play into this ; the Kocos, for an instance . The tiny stone creatures gathering in a dozen or so & surrounding the darker hedgehog earnestly . They hop, they chitter, their voices ring like bells, and sometimes they fall over & roll away from moving too fast when trying to follow their new favorite person . And it's so adorable, how they've come to trust him & feel content & safe in his proximity so quickly .
Another thing, though, Shadow is ... transparent . Shimmering silhouette of particles & pixels that dance and distort spontaneously, violating the hedgehog's image and contrasting the previous familiar still & ebony frame . Now seemingly a hologram, so far from reach but still so nearby, ever present despite everything . ( And it's not like he's any less alluring, not to these staring green eyes, often overflowing with enamorment . )
Bell-like sound echoes by Sonic's side, drawing his attention to one Koco he's been holding in his arms for a while now, his audience of a singular spirit, sat down on a batch of green grass away from ancient architecture & looming towers . It looks up at him with as much confusion as his stone-forged features could manage, perhaps thinking of Shadow's statement, perhaps simply affected by Sonic's own confusion . Either way the hero smiles fondly, offering a head pat that he hopes could elevate spirit's worry, help ease its anxious, wandering mind . Even while the digital corruption crawls and spreads upon the hand he extends, glaring neon & liveless pitch black against organic fur & body . It feels hungry, impatient, gnawing and biting as if it intends to pull him through planes even in pieces if it has to . The koco doesn't receive the friendly gesture well, in fact it lets out what Sonic recognizes as a frustrated noise before jumping out of reach and hopping away from affection . And Sonic can only watch as it goes further away, separating itself from everyone else .
It certainly reminds Sonic of someone .
“ Colors ... ” Sonic leans back, wonders out loud . Color is what the world that flashes in his mind seems to lack the most . A bleak & dreary history clipped into visions & embedded into glitches . Sometimes he can see some of it while running through the islands, moments of tranquility & normalcy that the Ancients has lived despite all the odds and unhinged danger . It's never crystal clear, just the ghostly shapes of children running, voices chattering by the rivers, figures building homes, others simply enjoying a field of flowers . Their life is there, their love was there, too . He's felt it everywhere, the tragedy has cut a hole deep in him, but in there it has found a treasure of melodies & rhymes, carefully tailored for the spirits .
“ That sounds amazing, does it ever disturb you ? ” He asks rather merrily, he doesn't realize how long it has taken him to speak again . It's just that he's been thinking, a few farfetched, illogical ideas that lack of scientific evidence . It's just that he's been thinking, if he could put enough heart into a song, if he could write and strum harmonies together with enough precision & reverence - could it paint a picture ? Some sort of way to communicate this hollowing sadness for all that's been lost, some sort of way to show that it was beautiful & precious & worth fighting for . It seemed important, in a way, even if only one person would see it . In fact it's the comfort of that possibility that encourages the blue one to think of sharing such emotion to begin with .
If not Shadow, then who else ?
#im normal guys istg#I HAVE !!! SO MANY THOUGHTS THANKS ZOMBIE#I need these 2 TO CEASE EXISTING !!!!!!!!!!!#i hope sonic feels a bit off here cuz lbr that corruption has been TERRIBLE to him he's a bit unlike himself. as a treat#jagsjagdhjs#i didnt get a chance to put this here but i was thinking how cool it'd be if#the island shadow was trapped in would have the houses and general living areas of the Ancients#like they have all these cool buildings and stuff but ??? where r their houses ???#some cld argue that maybe they didnt need houses but ehhhhhh#i like to think abt it#ps it makes the tragedy hits harder. these ppl had children & families too#i had so many thoughts abt this but now that i actually wrote the reply my mind is blank af LMAOO#THROWS ROCKS @ U !!!#☆ . ( ⁱ��� ) life movin' through your mind / time slippin' down your spine .#stygianark
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jsut cleaned my apartment bathroom
#it was so fucking bad man#i have five roommates and none of them have cleaned at all since ive lived here#maybe theyr going through it idk#its just genuinely worse than living by myself like . its so fuckign nasty. stop leaving puddles of water everywhere and maybe there wouldn#and theres so much hair. fuck man. why do they all have to have such long hair#ive been so tired but i finally had to buckle down an clean it since i kinda been having respiratory issues. an im sure the mold isnt helpi#kind of bad timing though cuz i had some fresh cuts an burns on my hands an arms an i feel like the bleach. wasnt good for that#im in pain an i wanna vomit but at least its clean. i feel better psychologically. my brains lungs are already better#cant tell how many of my respirtory problems are from something phyiscal or from me just freaking out about how gross this house is#i somehow convinced myself completely sober that this house has asbestos and a gas leak and black mold#and i had to take a step back an b like okay. be forreal what r the odds of all three of those being true and no one noticing but u
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i hate this soooo much why do straight ppl have to come into my house and act like i’m a stupid dirty lesbian who will never measure up to them
#why r u telling me abt how homophobic ur mom is while ur feeling up ur boyfriend#why r u kissing in front of me and telling me abt how you showered together today#i’m so disgusted and i just want my house back#i want this girlfriend gone i want to be able to work in peace#why are you wrangling my cat and punishing him when he’s not yours#why are you talking about moving out here casually#my gf and i own nearly everything in the communal spaces#your shit boyfriend owes me over a hundred dollars#i feel so defeated and gross and#idk. i don’t harbor hatred for straight ppl but why are you acting as though your relationship is more valid than mine#we’ve been dating longer than you (without a little 6 month break up!)#we’ve lived together. you’re here for a week#i don’t want to talk abt ur straight sex#and why are you using my bathroom!!#use his bathroom wtf!!#i clean that and i don’t feel like cleaning ur shit#god i’m just.#and every time i set a boundary im an evil bitch who is controlling just like his mother or whatever#like leave me alone i just don’t want you to touch my stuff!! it’s my stuff!!#ughhhh
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Finally met all 3 of my housemates and the sich is looking more dire by the second
#one is a total slob. like was living in filth in the house this summer before I moved in and cleaned everything#there was a ton of black mold in his bathroom apparently?? and I cleaned out his cat’s water fountain and found an INSANE. like#insaaane amount of mold. it was disgusting. and he’s so bad abt keeping the litter clean. like are u fuckinggg kidding me#I don’t want to clean after him but I can’t fucking stand people no taking care of their pets. what is wrong with u#one has an insane amnt of pets and has been describing their sex life in detail unprompted to my asexual roommate and is making her super#uncomfy#and one said a transphobic comment to me today. which is insane bc they use she/they pronouns#like it wasn’t malicious. more just bc of carelessness but it rlly rubbed me the wrong way#idk. weird situation. one of my roomies pulled out last second and we had to find some rando to move in and I just met her yesterday so.#ig I shouldn’t be so judgy buttt. the vibes r weird now. hopefully everything turns out ok#I was feeling fine abt it yesterday when we finally all met but now I’m feeling sooo anxious ugh. like my lease goes until July
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i was on zillow today, fantasizing about being able to live somewhere, when i came across the listing for my childhood home. it wasn't active/being sold, but it was on there with some pics of the interior. and my GOD. THEY MADE HER UGLY. THEY TOOK HER RUSTIC PUSSY OUT. WHAT THE FUCK
#i'd share pics if it didn't dox me a little#but it's SO SAD#PLS#i needed to see her... curiosity got me. i dream of this house genuinely nearly every night#but like. oh my god.#this is probably for the best bc it means i cant romanticize about buying this home again one day and expecting it to look at all like#it did#but they literally took down to bare bones and reshaped her and ohh my god#babes there was so much gorgeous wood work in that house#there was an accent exposed brick wall in the living room#the open layout was still closed off Enough to feel like separate rooms. but they opened it even more#AND THEY TOOK AWAY THE BARSTOOL/COUNTER AREA ?? IM SO CONFUSED#WHY WOULD U DO THAT#YOU COULD SIT AT THIS GORGEOUS BLACK GRANITE COUNTER AND EAT SITTING IN THE LIVING AREA AS SOMEONE YOU LOVE SERVED YOU A MEAL DIRECTLY FROM#THE KITCHEN#i'm not genuinely bent out of shape about this btw. i just had to share this somewhere sldkjfdskl#people will buy YOUR childhood home and make it ''''MODERN.'''' it will happen one day to YOU#they will paint the walls GRAY & take the pussy out of her TOO (the walls were warm deep yellows/oranges/reds. bedrooms were lighter blues)#THEY TOOK AWAY THE WARM COLORED TILES OF THE LIVING AREA AND REPLACED IT WITH UGLY WOOD FLOORING ???#THEY REMOVED THE MOLDINGS ENTIRELY ??#NO MORE WINDOW LEDGES ??????#WHAT WAS HAPPENING HERE#praying that these were In Progress pics and somebody has returned love to this home since bc. my god#again vague for my own safety but i moved out within the last decade and the home was resold in the last 5 or so years and thats when these#pics r from i think. so they've had time to fix her since#and boy was she a fixer upper after the horrors that happened inside those walls </3 ASLKDFJSAK#i should literally just write about this and instead i'm posting on tumblr#yeah that's life. that's being a tumblrina writer.#personal#.txt
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What does it mean when u have a dream about living skeletons overrunning your neighborhood
#that was weird of my brain#people were dumping water on the skellys to make them go away. good thing is they didnt come into your house#one of my good friends was there. she was going to walk home through the skellys. i would not trust her to do that#her house is a 20 minute drive so imagine walking that through weird living skeletons#idk why the skellys were dangerous tho. they might have been dissappearing people with skeleton magic or something#at one point towards the end i remember thinking “i bet these r gonna show up outside my window and stare at me cuz thats how my dreams go#so i think that means i was lucid dreaming?? cuz thats what happens when u become aware that youre dreaming#the only thing i remember doing after that was bring dissapointed that there wasnt any pie left and then remarking thst the cia was here#to round up the skellys#i mistyped cia as cis the first time. that would've changed the meaning of the sentence lol#i woke up right after that#damn alarms. take me back to skelly land#[insert cool original post tag]
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OH MY GOD also guys. please literally go to any amateur theater or whatever that u can near u. i went to a live performance of the it's always sunny ep where theyre doing the nightman. or whatever. it was soooooooo silly and so fun and in that room i could feel centuries of people gathering in rooms to laugh together. this is what can save humanity
#abby talks#i want them to do another one...#then we went to this sketchy weird party. well FIRST we saw one of my old buddies at the show!!!!!!!#hes gonna help w my thesis film and then he was gonna come to the party but by the time he was ready we were leaving#it was crazy me and my friends were so high and we were just in this absurd house. fucking maze ass layout#so anyway these dudes r playing mario kart. i asked my friend if there were going to be mostly straight ppl there and well that was a yes#these two dudes trailed me until i found a way to perch in a corner with my friend next to me. anyway. these dudes r playing and bring up#brba bc of course. im sorry u guys know when we talk abt that show its extremely thin ice. bc this guy is ofc hating on skylar and we're#lit all like ok misogynist like. she was just a woman living her life with an insane gaslighting husband. but he Kept his values the whole#way thru... ok. anyway hes like genuinely getting mad like we can see him take pics of us and angrily type to someone LOL and them hes just#pissily playing the game. so anyway yeah then we went back outside. then left after watching ppl do keg stands#i get so scared for college girls. literally felt like i was staring daggers at all the guys around the vibes were just off.#anyway. so fun night.#the show was genuinely amazing im so excited to see the one person in my class this week. she played mac
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