#and thing that concerns me a bit is that rocco appears in the plot relatively late; in 1927

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

play with fire by the rolling stones is my roman empire tbh

[one-of-us-blog]

Larceny and Old Lace (TGG, Season 3, Episode 21)

Today Eli is forced to watch and recap Larceny and Old Lace, Episode 21 of the third season of The Golden Girls.  Sophia has a dangerous new boyfriend, and Dorothy isn’t happy about the situation.  Will this tale of senior rebellion steal Eli’s heart, or prove to be nothing but trouble?  Keep reading to find out…

Jon, I’m glad that you enjoyed Vincent and the Doctor, and your recap was excellent.  We’re building up to what I consider some pretty good episodes, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the Eleventh Doctor will grow on you, especially given that he has a pretty lengthy run in the TARDIS.  Next on your agenda is a fun little episode that features a very recognizable actor, at a time when he was far less famous (though still relatively well known).  I hope you like it!  For now, there are some shenanigans going down in Miami and I need to make sure the cops don’t get called, so buckle in.

Buttocks tight!

Episode written by Robert Bruce, Martin Weiss, Jeffrey Ferro, and Fredric Weiss, directed by Terry Hughes

As the episode opens, Dorothy is returning home from a beauty appointment, but Sophia clearly wants her to make herself scarce a bit longer.  She not-so-subtly attempts to get rid of her daughter, and Dorothy infers that Sophia must have her no-good boyfriend Rocco over for a visit again.  Sophia met him at the police station, and Dorothy is convinced he is bad news through and through.  We move to the lanai to meet the hooligan.  

Oh hey, I knew from Vacation in Season Two that Sophia had a fondness for Japanese men, and now it seems that she’s dating Mr. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany’s!  Wait, my mistake, I believe that’s Lampie, the loveable drunk from Pete’s Dragon.  No, it seems that I’m wrong again…it’s beloved, chameleonic, completely inoffensive actor Mickey Rooney!  He’s here now to play the extremely nuanced character of Rocco the Wiseguy.  Rocco is enjoying a cigar on the lanai, and casually mentioning that he “ran Detroit” in the mob as he plays a game of strip poker with Sophia.  It’s just the kind of understated performance I would expect from Mr. Rooney.  Dorothy has enough and breaks up the game of cards, causing Sophia to ask: “Who do you think you are, Donald Trump?  You don’t run this casino.”  No, Sophia, Dorothy is clearly not Mr. Trump.  For starters, she has intelligence, compassion, common sense, basic concern for the well-being of other people, and perhaps even some general leadership skills, unlike the gross punchline from a 1980s sitcom.  But Sophia is tired of being bossed around by her daughter, and I’m tired of remembering that a significant number of people in this country actually voted for a habitually lying spray-tanned conman.

In the kitchen, Dorothy confides to Rose that she is upset about Sophia hanging out with Rocco.  The man is a bad influence.  Rose, meanwhile, is concerned that Blanche seems to be picking on her lately.  To prove this point, Blanche enters the room and insults her.  When Rose departs, Dorothy asks Blanche what’s up.  Blanche confides that she has been reading Rose’s diary, and reads aloud a passage in which Rose indicates she is tired of living with two pigs.  Dorothy takes the high ground briefly, but after Blanche leaves the diary behind as temptation, it isn’t long before Dorothy is faking a coughing fit to cover her attempts at breaking open the book’s latch.

We jump ahead, and once again Blanche is snooping in Rose’s diary.  Sophia and Rocco show up with a shopping cart full of random stuff, and we learn that Rocco has asked his best gal to store his valuables at her pad, as there have been some robberies around his place recently (and none here since Break-In, during Season One).  Rose notices that her diary has been tampered with and confronts Blanche and Dorothy.  They try to point out that Rose said some mean things in her diary, but it was clearly For Her Eyes Only and she is pissed.  She tells the girls that they aren’t friends anymore, and storms off.

That night, Dorothy wakes Sophia up in bed.  She can’t sleep because of the drama with Rose, and needs someone to talk to.  Not long after, Blanche enters with the same problem, and finally so does Rose.  Dorothy and Blanche apologize profusely, but Rose insists that she can no longer trust them.  They again bring up the hurtful things that Rose said in her diary, before learning that what they read was Rose’s old 4H diary and that she was talking about literal pigs.  Oops.  Sophia makes an attempt at a “Picture It” to smooth things over but it doesn’t really materialize, and Rose says yet again that Dorothy and Blanche have finally crossed a line and that the relationship is over.  Thankfully, it only takes about fifteen seconds in the hallway alone for her to realize that she misses them, and the whole gang makes up and hugs.  Wait, the B plot is already resolved?  Well, the group hug is actually an excuse to knock over one of Rocco’s bags, discovering a huge stash of cash within.  How did Rocco get these fat stacks?  Sophia mentions that he had the satchel when the two of them went to the bank, that he had her keep the car running, and that he left the bank in a big hurry.  Totally unsuspicious, right?  Dorothy thinks (for some reason) that Rocco robbed the bank, and wants to call the cops.  Sophia stops her and defends Rocco.  She gives him a call to see what’s up, and he tells her that he did, in fact, rob the bank.  Well, it’s off to the kitchen for some late night eating!

In the kitchen, Sophia still doesn’t want to involve the authorities.  She says that Rocco had a good reason for what he did; he’s in love.  He’s coming over to explain himself.  If he won’t turn himself in, then she will call the cops.  But from now on, all of her relationships are going to be strictly physical.  The other girls begin to tell romantic stories: Blanche has a steamy story about a perfect evening with George; Dorothy has a story about swallowing an engagement ring during Stan’s proposal; and Rose doesn’t understand the details of either of them.

Rocco sneaks onto the lanai to talk to Sophia.  He has come to get her, and he wants her to make a run with him, south of the border.  She turns him down, and he finally admits that he has been lying all along.  He was never a big shot gangster, and he didn’t rob the bank.  The money was his life savings, and he just wanted to impress Sophia and treat her like a queen.  Sophia is touched.

We jump forward a bit, and Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose are playing a board game in the kitchen.  They appear to be using a Monopoly board, but are pretending to read trivia questions off of cards; so, either the girls have invented a new tabletop sensation from existing components of other games, or the props department got lazy.  Dorothy is waiting up for her mother when the phone rings.  It’s Sophia, and she will be spending the night at Rocco’s place.  Dorothy forbids it, and declares that as long as Sophia lives under her roof, she’ll live by Dorothy’s rules.  Her rebellious mother tells her to go [redacted] herself in return.

The End.

This one falls into the category of episodes that entertained me, but that’s about it.  I can get behind the message that you’re never too old for romance, and it was amusing to see Dorothy take on the role of overprotective parental figure.  As far as Rocco, I know that Mickey Rooney is a beloved figure but I guess he just doesn’t really do anything for me, and this episode was no exception.  I can’t say I’m a fan, and there doesn’t feel like much point in getting invested anyway when you know that in all likelihood he’s just going to be gone in the next episode, never to be mentioned again.  The B plot with Rose also felt a little forced, and even though Blanche and Dorothy were clearly in the wrong by reading her diary, I didn’t find her indignation particularly believable.  My favorite part of the episode was probably the conversation about romance around the kitchen table, with Blanche and Dorothy weaving their tales and Rose missing the point entirely.  I supposed I would re-watch this episode if it happened to be on television, but I doubt that I’ll be revisiting it otherwise.  I give Larceny and Old Lace a score of 3 poofy hairdos out of 5.

Be sure to stop by on Saturday when Jon will give us his take on The Lodger, the next episode of Doctor Who, and I’ll be back on Tuesday to recap Rose’s Big Adventure, the next episode of The Golden Girls.  Until then, as always, thank you for being a friend, and for being One of Us!