#Tyrion and Joffrey

[madsrocketship]

One thing a Lannister gonna do is beef with children

[visenya-targarye]

it's always a lannister beefing with a child

(honorable mention)

[kudriaken]

House Lannister. My fanart series for the Great Houses from the ASOIAF. I wanted to make this for the longest time.

[francy-sketches]

cringe ass family ❤

[tangerine-brooks]

sansa antis are so funny to me because like. we have a book full of character that straight up commited war crimes. we have a guy who tried to murder a 7 y.o. twice. we have a rich guy who kills a sex worker for testifying against him. we have a girl who tries to kill her brother for being disabled. we have a guy who straight up kills and tortures people as a form of entertainment. we have a guy who strikes his wife. we have tywin fucking lannister. we have a guy who repeatedly rapes his childbride. we have a guy who sold people to slavery. we have a guy who kills his own brother and also burns people alive. we have a guy who likes murdering people. the list is endless. but noooo, the character you hate the most is this 11 y.o. girl, who is mean to her sister and isn't just smart enough to understand political schemes and manipulation tactics. a terrible, vile creature.

[melrosing]

Tywin Lannister caramelldansen easily my weirdest contribution to this fandom

more here

[barbieaemond]

Game of Thrones, S1E2 "The Kingsroad"

[almostaknight]

joff and jam the comedic duo you could’ve been

[uluthrek]

au in which robert, the starks and the lannisters play monopoly instead of going hunting and pushing each other‘s kids from towers.

tyrion implements a tax system to make things more interesting and fights cersei over the cat for a solid ten minutes.

around thirty minutes into the game, catelyn realizes that she has free will and stops paying taxes.

arya and sansa haggle over new york avenue, which ends up being bought by theon. this causes the two to completely cast aside their differences, ally and subsequently start doing everything in their power to make theon‘s life hell.

theon himself is quite severely stoned the entire time throughout.

ned enters horrendous debt pretty much immediately and, after two hours of being financially sucked dry by both cersei and his tax evader of a wife, decides to just place his figurine in jail and never leave.

jon, playing the dog, controls the railroads and makes jaime, playing the ship, go completely broke within minutes. being beaten by a bastard and officially the first to lose the game makes jaime so mad he spends the rest of the evening perched on the family‘s ancestral armchair eating flaming hot cheetos and stifling sobs.

cersei is holding onto her last two dollars and her one house in atlantic avenue like a maniac and evades taxes like it‘s an olympic sport. she claims ownership of kentucky avenue on the grounds that red is her house‘s color at least twice. after three hours, she‘s consumed enough vintage red to kill a large mammal and keeps quoting the art of war. fascinatingly enough, she never goes completely broke.

robert, just as broke and drunk as his wife but not nearly as ferocious, proposes marriage for tax advantages to bran, who is in possession of the boardwalk and lets him dangle on his proposition for two rounds before accepting and feeling like a benevolent god.

sansa sees this and immediately proposes to arya, who accepts, only for them to be sued by their mother for public indecency („you‘re siblings, jesus christ!“). arya argues that this is just a game and that one could argue that robert‘s and bran‘s marital alliance is just as if not even more inappropriate, considering that bran is seven and robert thirtyseven. sansa countersues her mother for tax evasion, who promises she‘ll drop her lawsuit if her daughters let her keep hoarding perverse amounts of wealth. „love wins!“ arya says, which causes jaime, still perched on the armchair but now eating old nan‘s home made whiskey truffles, to hysterically sob. cersei stares him down.

robb, in a rare moment of almost prophetic foresight, excuses himself one hour in and goes on a very, VERY long walk with grey wind.

tyrion, whose tax system has spectacularly backfired in his face, proposes marriage to catelyn, jon and cersei in rapid succession, who all turn him down. „i wish i was the monster you think i am. i wish i had enough poison for the whole pack of you. i would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.“ he screams before he leaves the table.

at that, joffrey, who has refused to participate and instead sits on the couch playing doom on his nintendo ds, starts hysterically laughing. tyrion turns on his heel and awards his nephew with the bitchslap of the century. this causes cersei to completely abandon the game and chase after him with a broom. catelyn makes sure that everyone is distracted by the lannister antics and then reaches across the table and bags cersei‘s money and properties.

with a heavy heart, myrcella trades arya and sansa one of her limited edition bayala schleich unicorns for park place.

at this point, the game is between the tycoons that are catelyn and jon, the bran-robert alliance, the arya-sansa-alliance, and ned, who is still in jail and watching ice hockey on his phone under the table. that is when catelyn hears rickon gagging and discovers that he, in the absence of tyrion, the self declared bank manager, has managed to eat all bank notes from the box.

rickon gets his stomach pumped, cersei and tyrion have both been arrested, theon is still stoned, arya, sansa and myrcella have wandered off to go play schleich horses, and jon remains at the table, alone, content, and quietly considering himself the winner.

[undeniablespice]

thought too much about sansa stark from meorge reorge rartin gartin’s seminal fantasy series a song of ice and fire and now i want to fall into an endless abyss. i am so serious when i say that teenage girls should be able to kill people with impunity. especially grown men. holy shit. she is TWELVE

[knightsickness]

do you know how racist the reach has to be for tyrion to be worried that the reacher lords’ jokes are making JOFFREY thirteen year old whos already maxed out most types of bigotry more racist

[stormborns]

They threw a cow pie at you, so you decided to kill them all? They’re starving, you fool! All because of a war you started.

[seaworthee]

he got the hand made special

[sometimes-petty]

Sansa whenever she is put into yet another betrothal

From "I love him, Father, I truly truly do" to "If I give him sons, he may come to love me" to "'He was only . . . he was . . .' Kind?" to "She wondered if Lord Robert would shake all through their wedding." to "Please, he doesn't need to love me, just make him like me, just a little, that would be enough for now."

[tangerine-brooks]

the reason why got!lannisters would absolutely eat the greens is that when greens commit crimes they spiral into twenty stages of religious guilt and suicidal urges and think "i am terrible and unlovable and past forgiveness, and i dishonored myself, and i need to be put down like a bad bad dog, and gods hate me, and when does this misery end and i need kill myself, but death is a fate too kind for someone like me and etc. etc."

when lannisters commit crimes they be smug about it. they think "in my hot girl era"

[blxkstar]

A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of a sheep

I made a playlist for House Lannister. Please check it out!

When you play the game of thrones, you win, or you die

Any man who must say I am the king is no true king