#Tw trauma dump

[narrative-driven-off-a-cliff]

Please pray for me. I have sinned recently and have asked forgiveness, but guilt still weighs on my heart. I apologized to a family member yesterday and he scoffed and dismissed me. He is a Christian too. Aren't Christians supposed to forgive each other? The forgiveness my nonbelieving friends give me feels far more fulfilling than the forgiveness of my Christian family because they rarely really forgive, and rarely apologize. But I don't want to bring it up because I'm afraid I'll be playing the victim. I don't want to,but something just doesn't feel right. I open my bible and feel no peace. I fell God is attacking me. I fear that I have been worshipping the wrong God. I came to Him for love, so why do I feel so hated?

[takami-takami]

Vent post. Untagged. Like, REALLY untagged. This isn't a fun post so it's totally fine to skip. This is literally a trauma dump in every sense of the word.

I feel the need to vomit. I feel as though this feeling is making me lightheaded and I feel the need to physically vomit. I am in a spiral— kind of, mental, I don't want to type that. I don't feel very good. I don't feel good at all.

It really hurts. Like it genuinely really hurts how I want to speak on it or talk on it and then the bile rises. I feel the need to vomit. I'm not having an anxiety attack or anything. I just am.

It hurts feeling like you're not allowed to be upset about the things that happened to you. Even when the reality is so grim and obviously bad. Things like torture, things that caused many a breakdown.

I never out myself back together after the possibky psychotic breaks he caused. I never stopped. I still remember screaming at the bee, and sobbing outside, and digging up worms, and holding them in a jar.

A fly fell from the ceiling as I washed my hands today. It landed on my hands like confetti and I washed it away down the drain. And I remember how many thousands of them lined the walls of the old house. And I remember when my parents made me put my forehead on the cockroach-smeared wall.

I remember how he tried to kill himself in front of me and gleefully explained what my life would be like post grief and how happy he was that that I would know it's my fault for being bad (not cleaning properly). I remember how he forced me to [redacted] as punishment for trying to stop him from beating my siblings. Psychological torture. I remember the torture.

How am I supposed to do anything. And all the while their words keep ringing in my head, the invalidation woven into my fucking brain constantly the way he'd mock and laugh at me. I remember the look of glee on his face, I remember the way he moaned my name to mock me for being upset about him threatening to rape me.

What am I supposed to do. When i still live with this person. I hope to one day explode into confetti. I hope to one day get rid of all the rage and confusion in my . I don't want to type the words.

I don't feel good. I don't fucking feel good. I don't ever feel good and I know outside is beautiful. White clouds, fog, metal pipe curved like a cane above green tile rooftop outside my window. There are birds that nest there and they look like finches. And they carry straw, and I used to give them Mogwai's fur sheddings because prey animals love rabbit fur as insulation for their nests. Those birds have died and new birds have taken their place, Mogwai has died and I put his bed in a bag in the basement after his deathiversary last month.

[suddenly-a-possum]

TAKE THAT MOM

guys hot uquiz was just discovered but I'm taking it about 100 yrs too late. anyways everyone share how wifeable you are.

THE WIFE RATING SCALE 1929

[sammydreamer]

when you say you dont want the hatedom of hh and hb interacting with you, do you mean people who dislike the creator? or just the show? just asking you dont have to answer if you dont want to

btw your selfships are AWESOME i see them on my dash a lot and i like them a lot

(Getting this out of the way, thank you for your support!!)

I don’t normally like talking about this (and you’ll see why in a bit), but I’ll do it just this one time.

tw // traumadumping

It’s primarily the latter. I’ve heard Vivzie is problematic, but it extends to her a tad bit, and you’ll see why.

But I don’t intend to say “hatedom DNI” for people who genuinely cannot watch the show, or have genuine problems with it and completely logical arguments as to why, so long as they’re not saying much about it. The main people I have a problem when it comes to this is people who blindly hate the show for no good reason, and who will absolutely, positively NOT shut up about it.

Hazbin/Helluva are in my opinion the most overhated shows ever made and you absolutely cannot convince me otherwise. People online just have a massive hate boner and a ton of vitriol for the show, it’s absolutely insane. Look, I get it, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But it seems that a lot of people hate it simply because it’s different. Kinda like me.

It’s not to say that I can’t be around non-Hazbin/Helluva fans. But in all honesty, I have trauma from the hatedom. I had to leave Twitter permanently because I was actually harassed for being a fan. I literally got death threats for it, man. And I was worried that they were actually going to dox me or something. And there have been several other instances since then where I’ve had run-ins with the hatedom. It’s all so overwhelming for me.

And it has taken a toll on me on the worst way. I HATE Vivzie jokes/memes about the show (in particular, the “if it was written by Vivziepop” garbage) because not only can I not tell of they’re a part of the hatedom or not, it just reminds me of my trauma. If I ever see a YouTube video in my recommended shitting on the show, it’s an instant “Don’t recommend channel.” I even had an adverse reaction to the Verbalase situation because it would just generate more hate for the show.

Again, this all is not to discredit any valid criticism one may have for the show. But the hate for the show has grown to comically large levels. I literally saw a post once unironically calling for Vivzie’s assassination. 😵‍💫

And I get that Viv is problematic. But separating the art from the artist exists, and is even relieving sometimes. Yet all these people just make baseless claims and jokes about it while also discrediting and even harassing fans of it. I’ve literally seen other stories of Hazbin/Helluva fans being harassed and bullied simply for being fans.

In summary, if you hate Hazbin/Helluva yet don’t talk about it or have valid reasons for doing so, I won’t hold anything against you. But if you are actively involved in the online hatedom, where harassment runs rampant, I am politely asking you to fuck off.

Maybe I should make that more clear in my DNI. But I don’t really know how to necessarily word that properly.

So yeah. Apologies for the traumadump, but…yeah.

[sunnybluebunny]

Leaving an unsafe living situation tomorrow morning, and my stomach is in knots. Kinda feel like I’m gonna throw up. The finish line is almost here, but it feels so far away.

[azrael-is-haunted]

⚠️ TRAUMA DUMP ⚠️

remembering that one time my brother told me that he hopes my boyfriend beats me and I get sold into sex trafficking 🥰 (the emoji is sarcastic)

[kinderchaos]

HAII HAII my long absence is finally over because I FINALLY FINISHED THIS ANIMATION.!!!! PONYGARTEN CONTENT IN TIME FOR KG3

Ples like and comment and reblog :D I spent sooo long on this

[ifeelpissed]

Pre-forsaken Azuretime! + lore I made up

(Hehehehe)

anyways lore be apon ye. Tw for sewerslide and heavy religious trauma.

Azure was born into the cult of spawn and was raised to be some kind of over glorified sacrifice. To die for the cult and bring them new life after rising again(like some kind of martyr Jesus but way more fucked up). He was raised to be a perfect role model for those around him, an idol of sorts. Everybody always tried to get close to him, which got really tiring really fast. All of the cultists saw him more as a sacred relic they all wanted their hands on than a person, so he had a target on his back for his entire life. Azure didn’t care that much though, cause he was chosen and raised for martyrdom. He didn’t care all that much about the cultists either, he knew what their intentions were when they tried to get too close. He developed a sort numbness of towards life, until he met TwoTime.

TwoTime was taken from their home relatively young (their mother un-alived herself-) and their father abandoned them when they were born. They were taken in by the cult but overall wasn’t exposed to many people until later. When they first met Azure, they were very intrigued by his welcoming presence. The two started talking and got along well. Azure felt like TwoTime was the only person he’s met that treated him like a person, TwoTime thought Azure was the kindest soul that ever existed. Both were willing to sacrifice everything for eachother. Feelings bloomed between them, and the cultists grew impatient.

Thats when the assasination attempts on Azure started, and TwoTime wasn’t having it. TwoTime has killed more people than just Azure, at least 10. The two eventually had to run away from the cult just to protect themselves. They planned to live a life together, but TwoTime knew it wouldn’t last long. So, they made a decision, and sacrificed Azure so that nothing would be able to find his body and disrespect it.

Azure isn’t angry that TwoTime sacrificed him. It was what he wanted. He just wished they could’ve spent more time together. What about the plans they made? The life they wanted to live together? The “I love you” s they never got the chance to say to each other?

What about the kids they used to be that never got the chance to choose who they were.

Azure is not mad at TwoTime for killing him, he’s mad at them for doing it so soon.

[xenibenbb]

Does your lamb need some coffee they look a little tired

Tw: difficult pregnancy ?

I think they need more than coffee

[pomarrillo]

watched the gg trauma center letsplay a bit ago and it made me actually pick up the game for 13 bucks lmao

[fallstaticexit]

Prev / Next / Beginning

Trigger Warning: Drug Use (Marijuana) / Discussion of death & loss / Transcript under the cut

Nancy: Are you going to tell me where we’re going?

Vanessa: Ever heard of savoring the moment? Basking in the adventure of the unknown?

Nancy: This sounds like a slasher film in the making.

Vanessa: You’re no fun, but fine. We’re going to my secret spot.

Nancy: Why are you taking me? What if I told someone about it?

Vanessa: You said you’re not a narc. Besides, we broke bread together.

Nancy: Oh, I see. I have dirt on you, so now you have dirt on me?

Vanessa: Wooow, Blondie! You have some serious trust issues.

Nancy: [mutters] Well. I don’t know you all that well..

Vanessa: I’m not mad. That makes sense. That just means I have to work extra hard to get you to trust me. I must warn you, I’m annoyingly persistent.

Nancy: What?

Vanessa: Nothing!

Nancy: Ok, seriously. What are we doing here?

Vanessa: Looking for my stash...ah fuck! Did someone jack my- ah-ha! Here she is!

Nancy: Who?

Vanessa: [sings] Mary Jane, I love her just the same.

Nancy: You brought us all the way out here to smoke pot?

Vanessa: What, you’d rather do it in front of the nuns? Get in here.

Vanessa: So, what’s your deal?

Nancy: My deal?

Vanessa: Yeah, like, why are you here? I doubt you saw a packet in the mail and thought, ‘I’d sure love to spend my senior year at a boring Catholic boarding school’. Unless you heard about all the hot guys here, then that makes sense.

Nancy: Wasn’t my idea.

Vanessa: Ok. So, what happened?

Nancy: [huffs] Well, if I talk about it then it never goes away, does it? That’s kind of the whole point.

Vanessa: [hums] Well, you’re in the right place, that’s for sure.

Vanessa: [murmurs] All you have to do is pray, and it all goes away.

Nancy: What’s your story?

Vanessa: Not much of a story. I was raised in the church. Heir to my family’s fortune. Blah blah blah. You know how it is, being a Landgraab and all.

Nancy: It wasn’t always like that. My brother was supposed to be next in line, but he died when I was 4.

Vanessa: Fuck, I’m sorry.

Nancy: It’s- I barely remember him, so..

Vanessa: [after a beat] My mom died giving birth to me. My father says I’ll spend the rest of my life being great to atone for it. That’s actually all he says to me.

Nancy: I don’t think my father knows he even has a daughter. I bet he doesn’t know the color of my eyes- he hasn’t looked me in them my whole life.

Vanessa: [laughs] What the fuck? We're really messed up, huh? You know, you’re not like any of the other girls here.

Nancy: Is that a bad thing?

Vanessa: No. I’m not like any of them either.

Nancy: [coughs aggressively]

Vanessa: [laughs] Don’t swallow it! We should head back before they start room checks. You do not want to catch Sister Anges in the halls after curfew.

Vanessa: [cackling] Move your ass, Landgraab!

Nancy: Shhh! We’ll get caught!

Sister Agnes: And where are you two coming from?

Nancy: We? Um. We...

Vanessa: From the greenhouse, Sister Agnes. I was just showing the new girl around. Nancy says she loves her some pot-

Nancy: -tted plants! Potted plants!

Sister Agnes: You should know the rules better than anyone, Ms. Villareal. No loitering in common areas without a chaperone. Up to bed now.

Nancy: Pot? Really?

Vanessa: I thought it would be funny!

Vanessa: Today was pretty fun. You should come hang out with us during rec. Dina and Nina are total bitches but they’re funny.

Nancy: Sure. Yeah. Cool.

Vanessa: Cool. ‘Night Blondie.

Nancy: Goodnight...Red.

[themetaphorgirl]

so apparently my ex died a few days ago

Genuinely I feel so relieved. It’s like my body is floating now, the tension has just DROPPED. that might make me a bad person, but he was an awful human being.

we started dating when I was nineteen (my first boyfriend and my first kiss, which is a huge deal for a very evangelical teenage girl). We got “pre-engaged” six months later and formally engaged right after I turned 20. I thought he hung the moon. I had excuses for all the ways he treated me, I thought that we had the perfect relationship. We taught Sunday school together and they used to hold us up as role models. “You kids want to be just like them, they’ve got it right.”

We got married a month after my 23rd birthday, right after I graduated college (he didn’t graduate, he failed the same algebra class three times and dropped out). I got pregnant immediately (I saved myself for marriage so it was literally the first time) and miscarried around seven weeks. (His response when I told him? “Oh, sorry, that sucks,” and then he went back to his video game. Around that time I found out he was cheating on me, specifically by soliciting underage girls online to send him nudes, and he wept and apologized and promised it would never happen again.

Except it did. It happened repeatedly. And I was young and scared and very religious and blamed myself, and I stayed. I stayed when he totaled four cars, I stayed when he got fired from two different jobs, I stayed when we couldn’t afford to live on our own and moved in with my parents temporarily and it lasted two years. I worked two jobs, seven days a week, and all he did was yell at me for not having the car available so he could go play video games with his friends.

He emotionally abused me and manipulated me to stay because he couldn’t afford to live on his own and his family was broke and couldn’t pay for anything. He kept saying that if I did this or I did that it would make a difference and he would love me more. He stole money from me constantly (he would take my debit card and withdraw cash and think I wouldn’t notice.) He said horrible things to me and about me without batting an eye.

And his cheating got worse, and more vile. At one point he pretended to be one of our Sunday school students (he used her name and her photo and her background information) and started dating a teenage boy- they would role play, I shit you not, My Little Pony sex. I found out because he was doing it on my computer and he stayed logged in like an idiot. When I confronted him all he could say was “I don’t know why I did it.” I kept trying to find people to help me, but the only support I received was “good Christians don’t get divorced.” I thought I just needed to be a better wife and a better person.

He waited until we moved to a whole new state, and then confronted me to say that he never loved me, he never wanted to marry me in the first place, and he was leaving as soon as he had enough money for an apartment. Like an absolute idiot I asked what I could do to change his mind.

Gifts. He said he wanted gifts.

Like an idiot I bought him presents and hid them around the house with letters saying how much I loved him and how much I wanted to fix this. He didn’t touch them. After a few weeks I asked if he liked the gifts, and he shrugged and said he thought it would change his mind but it didn’t. I look back and wonder sometimes why I didn’t wise up, but in reality I thought so little of myself that I didn’t care that he was hurting me. I didn’t matter. It wasn’t until he threw my cat against a wall that it finally shattered any illusions I had left.

He ended up walking out for good right before Thanksgiving. Turns out he already had a girlfriend. He even messaged me on New Year’s Eve to tell me about her and asked if I was okay with him dating. Like…what the fuck.

I did eventually call an anonymous police hotline about him to report his predatory behavior- by then he’d gotten even more brazen, he had even gotten caught by one of those Good Samaritan vigilante websites that pretend to be kids to catch predators. (I think I still have the screenshots). After that I washed my hands of him.

I am so, so, so lucky to be free. I had to start over completely- I was a shell of a human being at that point, I had no real personality left. I had to slowly learn how to become my own person. The trauma was so deep and so intense that I didn’t even realize it was trauma, I thought I deserved everything I experienced.

I rebuilt everything. I forged a whole new life for myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m so far behind everyone around me, and then I remember how much I had to go through to get to this point. I am finally living the life I deserve- a job I love, friends that genuinely care about me and that I love so deeply, a home where I am fully safe from harm, a husband who adores me for who I am and would never dream of hurting me. All I need now is a baby, and to be quite honest I’m wondering now if I needed this to happen, that I needed to feel completely safe for my body to relax and get pregnant.

All this to say…fuck you, Patrick. You were a shitty human being. You nearly destroyed me and you didn’t even care.

And I know that there’s a couple of former friends that still check my social media from time to time, so- hi Rose, hi Kat. I went to you for help and you didn’t believe me, on top of all the shitty things you did to me yourselves. You can clutch your pearls all you want, but I don’t care.

this was me at 23, right after both my miscarriage and finding out he was cheating on me. there was already no light left in me. I was already shattered and it only got worse.

This is me on my wedding day, as my real happy self, with a man who loves me so much that it’s written all over his face. I got my light back. Sometimes it’s still hard and sometimes the trauma surges up, but I did it. I got back up. I’m still getting back up.

[mothofmyth]

Tommy's reactions in the bar scene when Buck told him about Maddie getting kidnapped... imagine this poor man getting caught up on all of Buck's trauma.

Just... Buck definitely does not think before dropping bombs on his poor boyfriend. Why would he? Everyone he knows was either there for it or already knows about it from each other for the most part!

So, occasionally, he just drops some ridiculous fucking lore on poor unsuspecting Tommy without a second thought.

I just feel like Buck talks to his therapist about his actual issues with his trauma, and he feels like he's too much if he talks about the stuff with weight with his friends, but he'll still just casually say shit in conversation with a light tone as if it's normal.

One day over breakfast (once they've gotten over the whole ex-fiancée/himbo thing) Tommy's joking about a terrible date with Abby and Buck's like "oh yeah, we had some rough ones. Like when Patricia had an episode and I wound up riding a hot air balloon back to work. Or the time I choked on bread and she had to give me an emergency tracheotomy right there in the restaurant." And Tommy's just. Gobsmacked.

They're chatting about their younger years and Tommy's making jokes about the time he and his friend smoked a blunt made with oregano instead of weed because they got duped, and Buck's laughing and tats his tit with getting roofied in Peru and the laced brownies sent to the 118. (The Peru roofies didn't happen in canon, if you were concerned)

Tommy's boasting about being a great babysitter when they're asked to take Jee for an evening, and he says "I haven't lost a child in a shopping mall yet!" as a joke, and Buck's conceding "Okay fine but it was one time and you try keeping hold of an 8 year old in a tsunami" and Tommy is horrified and "Evan say more right now".

They're watching some crime drama and making fun of the ridiculousness and inaccuracies and Tommy's like "That is not how blood spatter works when someone gets shot. You're telling me there's no exit wound but somehow the blood still sprayed out the back of his shoulder?" And Buck's laughing along like "Yeah, when Eddie got shot in front of me it didn't look like that at all! Sure, I was tackled to the ground pretty soon after and definitely in shock the whole time but I remember that much!" And Tommy's like "Babe, do you want me to change the channel oh my God that sounds traumatic" and Buck's looking at him with confused puppy head tilt like he has no idea why Tommy's asking him this.

They're working out together and Tommy's hand slips off one of the machines and he accidentally catches Buck in the jaw and he's immediately up and apologising with big wet eyes and gentle hovering hands like "Oh God I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Evan what can I do how can I fix this I'm so sorry I would never hit you on purpose holy shit I'm a terrible person I'm so sorry" and Buck's laughing it off like "Chimney punched me harder than that when Maddie made me lie to him about her whereabouts for months when she ran off and tried to kill herself that one time, but you can kiss it better if you want" with absolutely zero self awareness.

Buck's complimenting Tommy's cooking like "I would do literally anything for your chicken noodle soup, Babe" and Tommy's blushing and brushing him off like "I think 'anything' is a bit far fetched, but if you really want to suck me off for another bowl, maybe I could be persuaded" and Buck's saying "I jumped off the roof and broke my own arm so my mom would heat a can of Campbell's for me, don't think I wouldn't do something more drastic for yours" so flippantly and Tommy's wide eyed and weakly begging "Please don't hurt yourself in the name of soup Evan"

Tommy's joking about needing a set of Jee's kiddy-reins for Buck when he wanders off a little too far at the zoo and Buck's grumbling "You get kidnapped and held hostage one time" and Tommy's asking "You what???" and Buck's replying "He just wanted to give his heart to his son, but they wouldn't let him because he was on death row! It was more Eddie getting kidnapped than me anyway, I wasn't even in the ambulance when he killed himself, I was with the other guy." "You were what?" "Athena caught my convict while he was dragging me through the hospital at gunpoint, and I only got pistol-whipped like once!" "Evan... please..."

Tommy's staring lovingly at his partner and telling him he's one in a million, and Buck's like "Actually according to the National Weather Service I'm roughly one in 15300, since I got struck by lightning that one time"

Tommy sees Buck grinning at his phone and jokingly asks "Not cheating on me I hope" and Buck's making jokes about the catfish and getting slapped by one of the catfish victims, and Tommy's already slightly horrified, but Buck's fully not noticing as he laughs "Are you gonna use my thumb to unlock my phone while I sleep just to make sure? I did it to Chimney once, when Maddie got kidnapped that one time. Athena got so mad at me but we did find her before she bled out in the snow so clearly it's effective. Then again, I can think of much more exciting things you could do to me in my sleep than just peeking at my phone." And Tommy's not even registering the flirtation because. What?

I just love the idea of Buck thoughtlessly telling people, especially people who love him and weren't there, his absolutely fucking crazy lore.

Ooh, bonus if he tells Maddie or Bobby or Athena things that he thought they knew about (because they were there but they weren't there, like they were in LA and in his life but somehow never actually heard the story).

Hanging out with Maddie and Chimney and Josh again for poker night and he's losing spectacularly and he turns to joke with Chimney like "Man, she's beating me harder than those guys in the rodeo bar on Main and third" and Chimney snorts and chokes on his beer while Maddie and Josh gape in horror and concern. (This one is not from canon if you were worried you missed something).

He's talking with Karen about therapy after the lab explosion and she's joking about wanting to be her therapist's favourite and trying to 'win' at therapy and the such and Buck's laughing along and saying "So long as you don't sleep with your therapist you're doing better than me when I started" and her and Athena go bug-eyed.

Chimney's apologising for punching him in the face that one time and Buck's trying to lighten the mood like "Everyone ends up wanting to hit me at some point. I think Hen is the only one on the team who hasn't injured me at this point. Unless you count Ravi. Pretty sure Bobby gave me a concussion when he slammed me into the wall. Totally deserved, I stuck my nose where it didn't belong." It does not lighten the mood.

They're at family dinner post-Gerrard and Buck's bantering about some of the shit Gerrard pulled in Bobby's absence, maybe even casually dropping how the man made biphobic and homophobic comments and uncomfortable jokes about Buck on some of their golfing weekends or whatever other trips poor Buck got dragged on. And Bobby in particular is giving the Patented Peepaw Side-Eye.

Omg and grown up May staring at her sort-of-step-brother in equal parts horror and awe when he casually drops the whole tsunami thing.

There are just so many ridiculously traumatic things that have happened in that show and I want Buck to carelessly throw around silly little anecdotes (deeply traumatic memories) with people he loves, expecting a laugh and instead receiving love and concern and further evidence that they do indeed care about his wellbeing.

Please tell me your ideas for Buck's Accidental Trauma Reveals, canon or otherwise. I love this concept so much.

[zoppa682]

MADE A UQUIZ!!!

https://uquiz.com/ARWC9r

"Answer questions and I assign you trauma from my life".

Enjoy! <3

[offkilterkeys]

I don’t know how to feel about this Eridan because reasons.

[princess-kurosaki]

this generation is so “hypersexual” because the last generation molested us.