#Turns out my sexuality wasn't wrong just my gender

[ruthiesrambles2]

From the person who brought you such posts as"im so fucking gay for Melanie Cavill" and later "I'm so fucking gay for Ruth Wardell"

I am so fucking gay for every character on this show

[sodomit]

TRANSUNITY

Transunity is a political theory that was actively talked about on Tumblr a couple of years ago, but has since fallen out of the public spotlight. And this is unfortunate, because it could have really improved a lot of the discourse around gender.

There exists a blog under that name ( @transunity ), but it has been inactive for a year. I am not affiliated with that blog anyhow, I never had any personal contacts with its mods, but I want to get their general ideas to circulate again, so I'm trying to bring this back up in a semi organized fashion. My take on transunity is just my take, if you're one of the original coiners, and you disagree, I encourage you to talk about it, because we still have much more in common with each other than different.

GENERAL VIEWS

I believe that one of the fundamental ideas more trans people need to understand is that we're all more or less in the same place in the eyes of the society (when other factors, such as ethnicity or disability, are considered). To be trans is to fail the gender role system, from the point of view of cis people we can no longer be proper men or women. All kinds of trans people regardless of identity are affected by misogyny and misandry (not a type of marginalization by itself, but turns into a vector of oppression when overlapping with a different marginalization), which forms the foundation of transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism*. These types of bigotry are not exclusive and unique to specific gender identities either and may be applied to any trans person for as long as it's convenient to the oppressor.

Trans people do not have gendered power over each other, and intra community bigotry is better conceptualized as a form of lateral aggression.

Gender assignment and sex are never strictly binary (especially with inclusion of intersex people, who belong in gender conversations even if they don't identify as trans) and need to be understood as much more fluid and not strictly correlating with one's actual position in life.

WHAT WE NEED TO REDUCE

The following things should be discussed more critically:

- "Powerjacketing" - implying someone has gendered privilege as a means of delegitimizing their words, while in reality they do not have this privilege;

- Malgendering - forcing trans people to choose between being gendered correctly and speaking up about their mistreatment (e.g. questioning trans women's womanhood on the basis of them aggressively defending themselves or trans men's manhood on the basis of them asking for help) or implying there's something wrong with them in a way that reinforces gender stereotypes;

- Assuming that some trans people are exempt from some forms of oppression on the basis of gender assignment/sex (e.g. by calling all trans people who were assigned female "tme"** or claiming trans people who were assigned male are inherently incapable of understanding fear of sexual assault);

- Assuming that oppression of trans people is rooted in gender assignment/sex (such as, calling reproductive oppression "sex based oppression"***);

- Gatekeeping certain identities, such as "transmasc", "transbian", "femboy" as exclusive to any gender assignment/sex;

- Creating a duality out of "transsexual" and "cissexual", where not medically transitioning trans people are assumed to have some kind of a gendered privilege, or to not be trans in any meaningful material way. Various transmed ideas about dysphoria and transition go there too;

- Accusing trans people who take inspiration from each other of appropriation (trans headcanons, kinks, drag culture, etc).

SYMBOL

The following image is the official transunity symbol developed by the original transunity bloggers. Sorry about the glitch effect, I wasn't able to find one without it.

* Transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism are not exclusive to specific identities, although they do primarily target traits associated with these identities. They can be conceptualized as bigotry and oppression towards people who are recognized as incorrectly entering respectively womanhood, manhood, and a status beyond gender binary (for the latter no normative form exists****). However, it's not wrong to use them to mean "oppression of trans women" and so forth, for as long as you're not claiming it's exclusive.

** Labels like "tma" and "tme" still may be used, but solely in a self assigned manner. I believe that an individual trans person is capable of evaluating whether they're affected by transmisogyny and in what way, and they should be trusted on this. However, no gender assignment and no current gender identity makes anyone inherently tme.

*** "Sex based oppression" instead of "reproductive oppression" reinforces the idea that people who share a specific body part (e.g. an uterus in context of conversations about abortion) are inherently of the same sex. This type of essentialism is desperately needed by terfs in this discussion, as they're trying to sell the ideas of "sex based oppression" and "sex based privilege" to people they want to recruit in their ideology. Invoking the idea of "sex" as something trans men and some nonbinary people are oppressed through is not the correct way to respond to people who say we don't experience any gendered violence besides "just transphobia", it has shitty implications and helps shitty people.

**** Lack of existence of normative nonbinary gender does not mean that these genders are not recognized by the society as a deviant, marginalized identity, and that binary people cannot be pushed into this zone.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Neverland

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 18

Prompt: Vacation

Rated: T

Tags: No UD AU; Cruise ship; Musician Eddie; Kids' entertainer Steve; Steve in a dress; Homophobic language; Sexual tension; Eddie being a horny disaster

Notes: Based on this brainworm. Artwork of Steve and Robin in their costumes, done by the incredible @arelliann this way.

“Hey, aren’t you on the band?” 

Eddie stops his beeline for the staff room, stuffing the hand that was just about to rip off the bowtie back into his pocket, and turns to face the couple that has strolled up to him. 

“Yeah?” he offers. 

“I knew it,” the woman smiles. “You play the guitar, right?”

“Um, yes,” Eddie says, unable to help the proud upturn of his mouth. “Glad you liked it.” 

The stuff they’re having him play is horrible, but at least he made an impression. It only goes to show how a skilled musician can turn even the most atrocious pieces into- 

“Oh, we didn’t,” says the guy conversationally. “We thought it was horrible.” 

Eddie gapes at them. They look back, like they’re honestly expecting him to reply anything that isn’t fuck you, you rich, entitled assholes. Maybe that’s what he should say. What are they gonna do, keelhaul him?

Except Wayne was so eager for him to take this gig. Two weeks on the board band of the MS Neverland, the Harrington Line's newest, shiniest, luxury cruise ship. He was so hopeful that this might be something Eddie would enjoy, and Eddie thought why the hell not? It sounded like an easy time, a paid vacation doing what he loved most. 

Except it isn't. The jazz music is making his skin crawl, the passengers are a bunch of stuck-up snobs, and the green suit jacket and matching bowtie make him look like some kind of demented leprechaun. 

But he can’t come crawling back home to confess that it didn’t work out.

“Erm,” he says. “Okay. Sorry, I guess.” 

Then, he books it for the staff room, stomach twisting and face burning.

“Fuck,” he mutters as he slips inside, slumping against the door and hiding his face in his hands. “This is so humiliating.” 

“Yeah,” says a voice. “Tell me about it.” 

Eddie lowers his hands.

There's a guy on the ratty couch at the other side of the room. A guy in sheer tights, glittering tulle wings and a dangerously short green dress. 

Eddie almost swallows his own tongue. 

“Hey,” says the guy, shucking off his slippers. There's little fluffy poufs on them. “I've seen you before. You're in the band, right?” 

“Hrrrgh,” Eddie says. The apparition tilts its head. Eddie pretends to clear his throat and tries again. “Yeah. I'm the guitar. I mean play. I play guitar. I've seen you, too.” 

In fact, seen may be too tame a word for what he's been doing. Ogle the way the skirt rides up his thighs until his eyes almost popped out of their sockets is more like it. It's kind of hard not to, he guesses. He's caught several passengers of various genders and ages do the same.

One perfectly shaped eyebrow arches. “Oh yeah?” 

Eddie nods.

“You're the … erm … kids’ entertainer. The fairy- no, shit, that sounds wrong. The … Tinker- … Tinkerdude.” 

The guy throws back his head and laughs. His throat looks impossibly long in the low-necked dress. 

“Oh my God, that's a new one. I love it.”

“What, really?” Eddie asks, chest fluttering with irrational pride. “I mean … you do?” 

Tinkerdude nods. Then, suddenly, something seems to occur to him. 

“Oh, do you mind?” he says, standing from the couch. “This thing is a bitch to get off.” 

Eddie is about to ask what he means, but then Tinkerdude gestures at something on the back of the dress, something half hidden between the wings, and … oh. Oh, fuck, Eddie’s in so much trouble. 

“Um, sure,” is what he says. Luckily, Tinkerdude has already turned his back, so he doesn’t see how Eddie’s legs wobble as he bridges the few steps between them. 

“So, why the dress?” he asks, just to say anything while his clammy hands struggle with the rickety zipper. “Wasn't there, like, a Peter Pan costume?” 

Tinkerdude chuckles. “There was, but I gave it to Robin. She was threatening to jump off board if she had to wear this, and I couldn't risk that. And besides, I make a great fairy. My dad calls me one all the time. Thanks, I got it from here.” 

The dress falls open, revealing broad, muscled shoulders, and inches upon inches of suntanned skin. It's riddled in moles. Small ones, large ones, some light and some so dark they look almost black, scattered all over the guy's back, all the way down to the dip of his spine and the curve of his-

Eddie reels backwards, trips over the slippers and just barely manages to turn his fall into a clumsy collapse into the sofa. It groans. Or maybe that was him. 

Tinkerdude, luckily, doesn’t notice. He's too busy shimmying into the jeans he's just pulled from the rucksack by the couch - all without taking off the tights, mind you, and how the fuck is Eddie supposed to live with the knowledge of what's under that skintight denim?

“What's your name?” 

Eddie jerks his eyes up. Tinkerdude, who has paused with his shirt in his hands, is looking at him with a quizzical expression and Eddie can't help but wonder if he's asked him that before. His chest has moles, too. So do his stomach and hips. The dress is bunched around his middle like a sparkly green miniskirt. The fact that the wings seem to be spouting from his butt does, unfairly, not diminish his hotness. 

“I, erm … Eddie,” Eddie croaks. Tinkerdude smiles and shrugs into his shirt. 

“Nice to meet you, Eddie,” he says. “I'm Steve.”

He lets the dress drop to the ground, carelessly stuffing it inside his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. 

“Looking forward to hearing you play again,” he calls as he breezes out. “I think you're really good.” 

Then he's gone and Eddie’s left alone in the staff room, trying to recover from whatever it was that just happened. 

Neverland just got one helluva lot more interesting. 

More holiday drabbles

[muwapsturniolo]

𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝑳𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒆 💫 Nick sturniolo (m! reader)

"i-i made a mistake, please, please just..."

✘ angst, i can't lie i had trouble writing this so I'm sorry that it isn't that good😭 i promise i will do nick justice next time, angst isn't my strongest genre.

It's dark in the bedroom, the only light being the moonbeams cascading down and illuminating a figure sitting on the edge of the bed.

He couldn't sleep, his mind toying with him and replaying his happiest moments that he took for granted and ruined - He felt guilty.

A soft shuffling is heard, his whole body tensing and his throat constricting. He slowly turns his head, his eyes landing on his sleeping wife.

She was a beautiful girl, she had a good heart and tended to forgive people too easily....and yet he found himself hating her

He knew it was wrong, the girl never did anything to harm him or make his life a living hell - He did that all on his own.

He was the reason he hates his life, not the woman he calls his wife.

He clenches his fists and faces forward, his eyes beginning to burn from the salty tears forming. He closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath, his hands coming to his face as he rests his elbows on his knees.

"God, what is wrong with me..." He questions himself softly, the tears now running down his face.

He knew if anyone saw him they would think he was pathetic.

What kind of man sits on the edge of his bed in the middle of the night, head in hands as he cries next to his wife, all because he wishes he was with a boy?

A silent sob escapes his mouth as he recalls all the memories with him.

The day they met, the first time they hung out, the first time they got drunk, their first kiss, the endless nights of fooling around - He missed it, he craved it.

He couldn't believe he gave that all up to be nothing more than a husband in a picture-perfect American family.

He could hear Nick's voice as he replayed that day in his head.

"You can go and kiss 100 fucking girls Y/n, you can drink all you want and try to forget the feelings you have for me, but that doesn't erase the fact that you're gay!"

"I'm not gay Nick! I don't have feelings for you! This was a mistake o-A mistake? A mistake is spilling your coffee on your shirt when you're in a rush, not telling me you only want me to call you baby as your dick is shoved down my throat!"

The two males stare at each other, their breathing harsh as they try to come to terms with the end of their beginning.

Y/n sighs and allows his body to relax, "Nick...I'm sorry, ok? I-I...I'm sorry."

"Yeah well when you wake up regretting this choice, just know I told you so."

I told you so...

He was right.

He regrets everything.

His gold band glimmers softly in the moonlight, a reminder that he’s bound to a marriage that he doesn't even want.

He couldn't take it anymore

Without a second thought, he rips the band off, setting it on the nightstand and jumping up. He’s quick to change out of his pajamas, stumbling out of the house as he makes his way to the car.

His heart thumps loudly in his ears, his breathing erratic as he swings out of the driveway, heading towards his destination.

It wasn't long before he arrived at the infamous bar "Pink Cadillac." It was mainly known for being an LGBT+ bar, a place where people of different genders and sexualities could be with their own, and feel safe.

He hadn't stepped foot in this bar since that night, attempting to erase all the memories and a part of himself.

he sits in the car with sweaty palms, staring up at the neon sign as he debates going in.

he knew it was too late to back out, he already left her and his ring at home - He didn't have a choice anymore.

He climbs out of the car and slowly makes his way inside, the interior of the bar starting to look and feel familiar. He finds himself smiling as he sees pictures plastered on the wall from 7 years ago, recognizing the faces of his old acquaintances. He stops when he comes across a picture of him and Nick, the two of them smiling as they were crowned the kings of the "Pink Cadillac Prom".

He remembers that night as if it was yesterday, but he doesn't have enough time to dive into his memories due to someone approaching him.

"Look at what the cat dragged in! Long time no see Y/n"

He turns around and smiles softly seeing the familiar face of Damon. he was dressed up, makeup covering his face and his neon green wig laid to perfection.

"Damon...hey," Damon gives him a quick up and down before crossing his arms. "Didn't think I would see your face here ever again after that night..."

The smile on Y/n's face falters, his eyes now cast downward as he feels an ache in his chest. Damon sighs and drops his arms, pulling Y/n towards the bar.

"Whiskey coke?"

Y/n chuckles dryly, nodding his head as he sits at the bar. Damon whips up the drink before sliding it over to the male, Y/n taking a long sip before sighing. The two sit and talk, catching up on the years of missed events and laughing with each other over old memories.

It wasn't long before Damon finally questioned him, "What are you doing here Y/n?"

"I...I need to see Nick..."

Damon sighs and places his hands on the bar, "Y/n I don't think that's a good idea.... It was 7 years ago, you need to forget it, you're married!" Y/n shakes his head, refusing to give up.

"I-I'm not married anymore."

A lie.

A big fat lie.

He was still married to her, but he planned to get a divorce after tonight.

"I-Is Nick here?"

Damon stares at him for a moment before nodding, "he is, but Y/n I don't think you sh-Where is he?" Y/n cuts him off, eager to see his long-lost lover. He notices the tense look on Damon's face and finds himself begging.

"Damon, please... I messed up, I-I need to apologize and tell him I'm sorry.”

“He’s on the patio…”

Y/n has never moved so fast in his life, maneuvering through the bodies of dancing couples and heading straight towards the patio exit.

He makes it outside, his eyes darting around before they land on him,

Nick.

It was like a scene out of a movie, the fluorescent lights shining on Nick's face as he laughed loudly with his friends, unaware of the person walking up to him and prepared to spill their heart out.

"so I told hi-Nick?"

The shorter boy whips around at the familiar voice, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?"

he goes to answer but stops seeing Nick's friends looking at him, "Can we talk...In privet?"

Nick scoffs and sets his drink down, "No, I don't want to talk to yo-Nick please...?" Nick stares at him for a moment before sighing and standing up from the table. He walks off, motioning for Y/n to follow.

The two boys stand off to the side of the patio, hidden from the curious eyes and in their own world.

"Speak, what did you want to talk about?"

Nick's dismissive tone was expected, Y/n had hurt him. However, Y/n couldn't help but be hurt himself.

"I... I miss you."

Nick chuckles and shakes his head, " Nick please! Just hear me out! I'm sorry ok? I fucked up, I fucked up big time, I know that. I-I hurt you and I'm so so sorry."

Nick can see how distraught the man is, the bags under his eyes evident and the tone of his voice proving such, but Nick doesn't feel bad at all.

He felt smug.

He knew Y/n would come crawling back, claiming he was sorry and crying because he knew he was lying to everyone and himself when he claimed he was straight and getting married to a girl.

"I hate to say it, but I told you so," Nick states, his arms crossed right across his chest. Y/n couldn't even be mad at the words thrown in his face, he knew Nick was right.

"I-I know. You were right, you are right. I-I was struggling Nick, I-I'm-" He struggles to find the right words to express his feelings and thoughts.

"I'm sorry...What we had wasn't a mistake. I did - No I do, have feelings for you. I was just scared Nick, it was one thing to be gay in private with our friends here, but it was another for me to be gay in public, and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being a coward and lying to you and myself-" Y/n moves closer toward Nick, slowly trapping him between his chest and the pink-painted bricks of the club.

"-B-but I can handle it now, I-I want to try again...I want to try us again." Nick begins to look uncomfortable, the words and closeness of Y/n being too much. Nick gently pushes him away, his mouth dry as he tries to speak.

"Y/n...."

The taller male could already feel the tears forming in his eyes, he knew by the way Nick pushed him back and said his name that he was being turned down. He shakes his head, pleading softly with Nick as he holds his arms tightly.

"Nick please"

"Y/n let go..."

"Please just give me a chance!"

"Let go!"

"I-I made a mistake, I just-"

"I'M ENGAGED !"

Silence stands between the two, Nick looking away awkwardly as Y/n feels the bile rise in his throat. He's lying, he has to be lying. There's no way he was engaged...Right?

"W-what?"

Nick holds up his hand, "I'm engaged Y/n.... "

he looks at the shiny diamond ring, the ring reminding him of the one currently on his nightstand.

"D-don't say that...D-don't marry him, please!"

Now Nick was angry.

How dare Y/n show up and expect him to forgive him right away and live happily ever after. How dare he demand that he not go through with the marriage.

"That's rich coming from you! You're a fucking hypocrite Y/n, you left me to get married to a girl! A girl! Now you're telling me not to get married to the person who helped put me back together after you broke me?! Fuck you!"

"I'm not married to he- I don't fucking care Y/n!" Nick shouts. He sighs and removes his glasses, rubbing over his face in annoyance.

"Look... I'm happy now Y/n, I actually love myself now to not keep up with your bullshit. You coming here was a mistake....Go home."

Y/n swallows harshly as Nick's words hit him harshly.

He was right once again, this was a mistake.

"I-I...should go...Sorry for bothering you...'' He whispers softly, slowly backing up before turning around and starting to walk away. Nick's voice calling out for him makes him stop, hope filling in his chest.

"I'm glad you finally stopped lying to yourself...I hope you find the love you deserve...Good luck, babe."

Y/n smiles faintly despite feeling like shit. With a heavy heart, he leaves the bar, his whole body feeling numb as he drives back home.

He silently walks through the door and throws his keys back in the bowl, dragging his feet against the carpet as he enters the bedroom.

She's still sleeping.

He strips himself of his clothes and slides the gold band back on his finger. As he climbs into the bed, she awakens, her eyes fluttering open softly.

"Babe? Where did you go?" She questions.

"Needed some water...Sorry for waking you." He lies effortlessly. She hums and curls into his body, missing the grimace on his face due to the darkness of the bedroom.

"I love you," she mutters as she begins to go back to sleep.

"Yeah...Love you too...."

Another lie.

[wowcatboys]

Can you do the head canons set for Yone and Sett like you did for Kayn??? Thank you !!!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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HEARTSTEEL SETT / READER ♡ Gender Neutral ♡ SFW (Light sexuality, nothing explicit.) ♡ Hi my dear! Wasn't sure if you meant the relationship ones or kiss ones—Yone is getting both in upcoming separate posts, and I've already done Sett kisses here ! Hope you enjoy these :D

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

SETT

Sett's most sensitive spot is his ears. They're dreamy soft, like velvet but thicker, and oh-so-warm. When you play with them he goes weak in the knees, tilting his head towards your gentle hands and letting out a low groan. He adores when you play with them. If he plops his head in your lap and looks up at you with pleading puppy-dog eyes, chances are an ear-rub is what he's begging for.

After Sett smashes out a great lifting session, he usually sends you a mirror selfie. He just wants to tell you he had a great workout, and he loves when you encourage him, so it's mostly innocent. But come on...he's shining with sweat, his muscles look fucking huge, and he's got that flushed-cheek, out of breath smile. How are you not supposed to ogle him a little bit? If you accuse him of trying to turn you on with his gym selfies he goes 'no wayyyyyy'. The next picture he says—one of him winking at you, with the hem of his shirt pulled tight between his sharp teeth and his glorious abs on display—says otherwise.

Sett's social media pages consist of basically two things: gymbro shit and cute animal videos. He spams you with the latter. Expect lots of pictures of housecats cuddling ("us", he captions) and videos of dogs doing tricks ("do u think we could teach earnest that??" Probably not, you tell him, but you find him on the kitchen floor the next morning trying to get the poor dog to do a flip anyway).

Sett is all for pet-names, and rarely calls you by your given name. He  goes with the classic "babe" a lot. Sometimes he likes to spice it up by sprinkling in nicknames like "hot stuff" or "sweets". If he's being cheeky, he'll give you a teasing smirk and call you his "favorite groupie".

Sett loves staying active (obviously) and he's always down to try something new. If you're for hurting date ideas, take him rollerskating, rock climbing, or swimming. And, if you're really brave? Ask him and the rest of the Heartsteel guys to go paint-balling with you. Bless his heart, he will try so hard to protect you and hyper-carry your team but his aim just isn't that good. (Predictably, Sett ends up covered in paint-splashes. He's nothing if not a good meat shield.)

For your first Christmas together, Sett's mom knits you a beanie to match his. "Oh, you two are adorable," she beams as her son excitedly tugs the warm hat over your ears. Once you've earned the beanie, trust that you've got Mama's approval on lock.

Anyone that wrongs you is on Sett's shit-list for life. He's a hothead and he knows how to hold a fucking grudge. If you complain about your boss or come to him teary-eyed because a friend blew off plans, he's fuming. "That fucking asshole," he snarls. Of course, he sets aside his fury to comfort you. Just know that a lifelong beef has been started and he's going to scowl every time you bring that person's name up again.

After a hard workout, Sett loves to tease you by pulling you in for a sweaty bear-hug. Don't worry, though—he's always down to hit the showers with you right after.

Sett knows his way around the human body—he's got a near medical knowledge of muscle groups, nerves, and effective stretches just from his time in the gym. What does this mean for you, though? The best fucking massages in the entire universe. The moment you complain about a kink in your neck or a sore back Sett's cracking his knuckles. "Okay, hot stuff," he says, placing his gentle hands on your tight muscles. "Where exactly does it hurt?" Of course, you don't need to be in pain to get a massage—Sett's eager to touch you any chance he can get. Pout a little and ask if he can pretty please rub your neck, and his hands are on you before you can finish your sentence.

Since he's a cuddle-bug and serial napper, plan on spending a fair amount of time snuggled up in Sett's bed. He keeps sweatpants in his closet for you so you can be comfy during cuddle-seshes. Honestly, though, he prefers if you skip the pants altogether and chill out in your underwear and one of his old t-shirts. He tends to take a fabric scissors to any of his shirts with sleeves—your favorite sleep shirt, though? He mercifully leaves that one alone.

Sett's a massive show-off. Anytime you're on your tippy-toes trying to reach the top shelf or you're struggling with the pickle jar, Sett swoops in with an "Oh, lemme get that for ya!" And if he's flexing extra hard opening the jar or stretching his arms so that just the teeeeeeeniest bit of his shirt slips up, exposing his six-pack...well. You might as well enjoy the show, right?

Even though he wears lifting gloves, Sett's hands get chapped and calloused, anyway. He constantly steals your lotion. If you catch him swiping it out of your bag his ears go back and he offers you a sheepish, "sorry, hon...", but does he stop?  No chance. He pops the top and slathers it on his hands, anyway. "Whaaaaaat?" he whines as you stare him down. "If I'm all rough and whatever you'll stop holding hands with me."

You and Sett have a frankly obscene amount of plushies. There's an endless sea of plush on your bed, plus a good handful on his, but he just. keeps. buying. more. You'd complain, since it makes finding a comfy position to sleep a battle sometimes, but come on... how can you say no to a sugarcone furyhorn? Fucking impossible.

Sett's favorite way to pull you closer is by your belt loops. He hooks his fingers through and gives your hips a light tug, loving the surprised squeak you give when you bump into his massive frame.

Sett has a metal water bottle with him at all times (gotta stay hydrated)! Even though he rolls his eyes when you paste cute stickers on it, you notice that he never peels them off.

[our-queer-experience]

Thank you so much for being accepting of detrans people. For a while I thought I was a straight trans guy, but eventually I realized I was just a lesbian who felt weird about my gender since it felt "masculine" to like girls in the way I did (I blame my weird-ass transphobic/homophobic upbringing, lol). The trans community was so supportive of my whole journey even when I realized I wasn't trans after all, and transitioning and detransitioning are both important parts of my identity even if it turned out I'm actually cis.

Some people have a messy time figuring themselves out. If we understand that some people might think they're one sexual orientation before realizing they're another, I don't see why people are iffy about someone thinking they're trans before realizing they're not. It doesn't mean they're a traitor or that they inherently hate trans people, sometimes people are just wrong at first.

^^^

[infinitevisions]

A Lesson (To Both of Us)

Pairing: Crosshair x Gender-Neutral Reader Summary: Crosshair decides to play games on you while teaching you how to snipe, but his plan quickly backfires. Word Count: 1,024 Tags: Crosshair teasing you, unresolved sexual tension, this isn't smut but it's somewhat spicey, wrote this with clone wars Crosshair in mind but imagine whatever era you want!! there is eventual fluff!! Notes: this is my FIRST X READER EVER, so if it's not good please bear with me!! crosshair enjoyers you deserve the world so i hope yall enjoy this

“I just don’t think this is in the cards for me.” You groaned. You stood in the training range with Crosshair's firearm, surprised he even allowed you to use it, even with his surveillance. While you had fired some rounds on the target, the gun grew too heavy and caused discomfort in your shoulders. You had no idea how he did this for a living. Crosshair groaned and used his leg as momentum to rise off the wall he was leaning against.

“So dramatic.” Crosshair remarked as he approached you. Before speaking, his augmented eyes scanned you up and down. It felt like a perfect circumstance for him to test the waters. The stage was set and the fruit was ripe for the taking.

“You’re in the wrong position.” He stated. Your neck was too far forward, straining your muscles, your legs were too close together, and your arms should exchange positions. You felt your breath hitch at the statement, but you attempted to ignore your filthy mind. Crosshair caught your chest stutter and cracked a grin.

“You’re too tense,” he added. “You need to loosen up.”

“Okay… mind showing me, wise one?” You joked, attempting to conceal the fact that your heart was pounding just from hearing his voice. But Crosshair wasn't dumb. He knew just how his voice affected you. He decided to add fuel to the fire. He threw his toothpick aside before getting to work.

“You need to spread your legs.” He drew back, keeping his gaze fixed on your face to watch how you reacted, whether you enjoyed this. If he detected any uncomfortable body language, he would stop instantly.

Luckily for him, he noticed your throat bob as you swallowed spit. Your legs separated, and you assumed a more solid stance. He observed you intently as you were doing so.

“How’s this? This alright?” You searched for more confirmation. He spotted a window of opportunity. He gave you a quick once-over before starting.

“Mind if I… show you?” He inquired before figuratively taking his shot. You finally shifted your attention to him, relaxing your grasp on the rifle for a moment. You took in his small grin and exhaled. You were curious about where he was headed with this.

“Of course.”

Crosshair's eyes shimmered with hunger.

He approached you from behind, pressing his armored chest against your unarmored but clothed back. He took his hands and placed them upon yours, guiding your hands to the appropriate positions. He focused his gaze just past your left ear. His breath fanned over your ear, and you continued to breathe deeply but sought to mask it.

“Much better now, isn’t it?” Crosshair asked smoothly, feeling your hands tremble beneath his.

“Y–Yeah. Lots. Feels amazing.” You tried lightly teasing back. He chuckled before speaking.

“Now, take a look around. Are you vulnerable?” He inquired as he felt your back compress against his chest and swell with every breath you took.

You certainly felt vulnerable. It was unexpected for Crosshair to be so close to you, yet it turned out to be one of the most outstanding experiences of your existence. The sunset made the most beautiful swirl of hues in the sky, and normally, you would take it in and appreciate it, but there's nothing quite like the sensation of having Crosshair against you.

However, it's important to note that his question was simply, are you a current target?

“N–No, uh… I don’t see anyone aiming at me.” You stated.

“Mm-hmm.” He rumbled into your ear, and your legs nearly buckled at the sound. For what amount of time would he continue to pursue this? How much more of you crumbling did he need to see before he was satisfied? Before you further spiraled into your thoughts, you heard Crosshair inhale to say his next words of wisdom.

“Try taking another shot for me.”

For him. For him. The words rang in your brain as you gently placed your finger over the trigger. He was whispering in your ear– right in the open for everyone to see. It drove you crazy. It was your primary motive for shooting the objective. You inhaled before pulling the trigger and giving it hell.

You blasted a straight shot to the target's forehead.

Despite your distraction from Crosshair, you felt quite proud of yourself and puffed out a little chuckle. However, you remained still since Crosshair remained motionless as well.

“Very good.” Crosshair purred in your ear, his tone dulcet as honey.

You couldn’t hold back the whimper that manifested after he said that. It was quiet, but Crosshair still picked up on it. Like he always did. Like he always would. You gathered yourself together, stepped away from him, and looked upward at his face. He also took a step back, allowing you some room.

You couldn't help but reflect carefully on everything as you took in the atmosphere. You trained with the guidance of Crosshair. It was unknown to you if it was for his own pleasure, but as soon as you realized the magnitude of the situation, a smile spread across your face. 

“It was all thanks to you,” You said softly. Even though he riled you up, you were honored that he trained you how to snipe. Crosshair’s sharp demeanor slowly dropped, shocked at your genuine gratitude. When he saw your grin, he didn't know why blood shot to his brain and caused dizziness. It frustrated him as he began to feel overwhelmed. The fact that your enchanting grin was the only thing on his mind just made him angrier.

You held the weapon out for him to take back. He looked down at your hands on his rifle and saw how soft they were in comparison to his. After taking the gun, he broke eye contact and turned around so his back was to you. He chose to dismiss any other possibilities as the source of his condition and put the blame entirely on being ill. Despite his lingering fear that it wasn't what it was.

“Don’t mention it.” Crosshair said sheepishly, struggling to ignore the warm sensation inside his chest.

[shxllraizxr]

To get things going let's start off with a good prompt ♡

How would a Poly Relationship work between the Turtles and Y/N ?

[Gender Neutral Portrayal is my thing btw lmao]

[ also I loooove Poly Turtles. Its so rare now of days tbh ]

Warnings : Hints of Nsfw. Implied Sex & Sexual Romance ♡

This is mostly fluff tho !

Y/N has been crushing on the Turtles for a while now as has finally broken thier silence about their feelings. They figured a few ideas on how to possibly give all of them the same and equal treatment of love they deserve. A polyamorous relationship! Hopefully things can workout... hopefully.

Leo

Welllll- at first he wasn't really sure how this would go at first.

Lowkey didn't like the idea when first presented. He basically felt like it was showing that no commitment could be made if y/n was also having feelings for his brothers.

Don't get me wrong. He loves you but, this idea made him give you a bit of a scolding talk to after a few minutes of debating.

Luckily you are able to explain to him what this would all entail and you reassure him you will love him just the same as everyone .

Happy but definitely would have a tinge of jealousy thinking he can't have himself to you most of the time.

Fast forward to a few months of this relationship and lets just say he's easily the one who gets first dibs on kisses and stuff.

Constant argues with Raph about how he is being "too touchy with you" but he's a hypocrite.

Leo ALWAYS has his hands on you in private. Its the foreplay mood he likes to build up

Leader in battle and leader in the relationship

Warms up to the idea of having others in your heart and you have told him and made sure he knows you have a big piece of him in yours.

He's content with that and feels like he definitely won't lose you to anyone else.

Raph

Oh boy Raph asserted himself as the top dog over the others.

Against it right off the bat. Mainly cause he didn't like the idea of his bothers falling for someone he liked way before amy othe his brothers did.

Yes. He believes he caught feelings for you first (lowkey he did tho so he ain't wrong) and he will die on that hill.

Down BAD for you from the get go. And plans on letting his bros know he's got the hots for you.

Mainly the instigator in arguments about who loves you more. Mainly towards Leo since he know how he gets around you.

Handsy is an understatement.. HE IS ALL OVER YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

easy to provoke sexual intentionally and unintentionally. Man loves the idea of a tease. And he will reciprocate that

Down the line he gets less reserved and more okay with sharing you but he still has that jealousy and mindset of being your top lover.

You kind of have to learn to sometimes give into his subtle and "not so" subtle cues about affection and intimacy

Him and Leo kind of bond over talking about how beautiful / handsome you are. They are infatuated with you.

Raph is probably the most if not tied with Leo on how protective he is worh you. But he of course is a huge softie underneath all that plastron and muscle.

Donnie

Donnie actually kind of agreed to it easily.

Being a scientist as well as some trying to figure stuff out he kind of wanted to learn some things about it.

The only kind of negative thing about it at first was he kind of treated this type of thing as a lab study or research.

Not in a bad way but he focused alot on the scientific stuff more than romance but after expressing how you don't want him thinking of it as a experiment he chills put. And actually starts enjoying it.

Suprising very chill and calm.ablut when his bros get jealous. He kind of teases when he gets his turn to have you for the night or day.

Very light levels of jealously if any. He is content and knows you love him so he's very confident in himself.

Never would be the one to start any type of argument about who you love more.

The type to skip going on a training day to sneak a cuddle in with you. He would easily lie and say he has to do some routine diagnostics on the shellraiser or something

Humbling and can come.back with snarky remarks if people step put of line tho. Tho he is more reserved then them all.

Relies on advice from mikey - (yeah I know that's insane but its true) - when it comes to ideas on how to swoon you over.

Can and will make sure "if your okay with it" to set a schedule on checking in to make sure your okay if your not at the lair for long periods of time. He just wants to know you are safe.

Mikey

Chill AF like in a weird way. Still confuses you to this day how okay he was with this.

Never once showed any aggressiveness towards the others when they are around you. But will definitely tease raph to pass him off.

This mf literally will not stop having contact with you. He loves it when your around and will show it through physical affection

His form of jealousy is literally just puppy eyes and pouting. AND YOU FALL FOR IT EVERY SINGLE TIME !

Always offers and left over pizza to you first. He is a considerate gentleman after all.

Game nights you get the best controller. He doesn't care if the other fuss about stick drift or anything you get the best one. End. Of. Discussion.

Can go overboard with his ideas of a datenight. And will steal you away from.the others to get an extra hour or few minutes with you.

Kind of the glue of this relationship. He is the comical relief and weirdly would give the most out of pocket wisdom tips to everyone. Literally. It wields leo the fuck out at times how smart he can be.

Would be okay with having a joined cuddle with one of his bros and you. He use to be babied when he was younger so he likes to be the middle spoon in a cuddle honestly.

Flirty as hell along with Raph. He will give lewd remarks following after or before Raph. He will find a way to make you blush.

Made it his mission to please and make sure everyone is okay. He can be a little shit at times but he will always try his best to comply and follow the rules.

God I haven't written is sooooo loonggg! Hope this was alright haha !

Anyways I will try and be more active so be prepared for more posts ♡

[scorchingbread]

Grim x gn!reader who isn't keen on physical touch

(Gender of reader isn't mentioned)

Cw: sexual scenarios discussed, handjobs,dislike of physical touch being talked about in depth + it's worries. Please let me know if I missed anything :)

MINORS + AGELESS BLOGS DNI I'M TIRED OF BLOCKING YOU

Spoiler: grims name, ending 3

(I totally didn't base this off of my own feelings whatsoever... Psh what?)

842 words

You were laying in bed facing the ceiling with Casper laying beside you. You just couldn't help but think about yesterday when you decided to go all of the way with him. It wasn't that you weren't attracted to him or didn't feel any desire, but you couldn't help but shake the feeling that it was... Uncomfortable. You never really liked being touched and you thought that maybe this time with someone you really loved that maybe it would be different, but it wasn't. The worst part is that you enjoyed him being happy and getting satisfied, and you don't want to take that away but you can't just set aside your own feelings for that.

"Sunshine, are you okay?" You snap out of your thoughts and turn to see Casper facing you with a worried look on his face.

"I just..." You sit up and pause for a second. Is it really okay to bring up? Would it hurt him? Would he take it the wrong way? Screw it. He's given up being a grim reaper and is in hiding just for you, so maybe... maybe he would actually understand since he knew you had built up the courage so far for physical affections. "I was thinking about last night, and I have some... Complications."

"What about last night?" He raises an eyebrow and still has a look of worry on his face. Casper sits up as well and turns to face you completely, having his full attention.

"Well.... The thing is... Oh how do I go about this." You trust him, but it's just so hard to put your feelings into words. "I didn't really enjoy it. The sex... It's not that I don't like your or am not attracted to you, I am, it's just... It was too overwhelming and uncomfortable. I liked seeing you satisfied, but I don't know if I could put myself through it again." You look at him worried about what his reaction might be to this information.

"Sunshine..." He brushes some of you hair out of your face. "I'm glad you told me. It's okay. You love me and am attracted to me, so that's all I can ask for. I wouldn't want you to do something you're uncomfortable with just for my own pleasure." You can't help but feel emotional. It just felt so nice to hear those words.

"T-thank you. That means a lot actually. I don't know what exactly I expected you to say, but it truly means a lot to me. Normally I have people push my boundaries or not believe that I could be uncomfortable from touch, but you've been very understanding." Casper frowns when he hears what happens to you when discussing boundaries with other people and he sighs.

"You shouldn't have to thank me for being understanding... I'm your boyfriend after all. A thousand curses on the people who treated you that way in the past." By the look on his face you can tell he is definitely trying to curse those people from your past. "So tell me... Just so everything is clear, what 𝘢𝘳𝘦 you comfortable with sunshine?"

"Well... I like your kisses and hugs, and I'm fine with touching you myself... I liked when you held onto me too, but full on sex? That was just too much for me to handle." You lay it all out for him, it's best that he knows how you feel especially since he actually cares to know. "But the problem is that I still want you to be able to have pleasure in our relationship. I don't want it to feel like I'm taking away something from you."

"Sunshine..." He pauses for a second. "Though you don't have to. If you are 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 worried about this I'm sure we could come up with something that would still be comfortable for you."

"Really?"

"Yes. You said you don't mind touching me yourself?"

"That's right... Oh maybe... Just maybe... That might work." Suddenly you had an idea. One that would fulfill both of you in this situation. "Say what if... What if we stuck to me giving you hand jobs. You could sit in front... And I could wrap my arms around you. Or o could even sit in front of you, if you wanted me to get a nice view?" Suddenly your mind is wondering to the possible scenarios. It's a simple solution and one that you wish you could have thought of sooner.

"That sounds..." You could see the blush creeping onto Casper's face and he brings up his hand to try and hide his embarrassment. "I like the sound of that. I'm glad we could... Figure this out so to say."

[schrijverr]

Okay, straight Eddie Diaz, because - hear me out - trans woman Eddie Diaz.

Like it makes perfect sense in canon due to the fact that Eddie is repressed as hell, it can be about just sexuality, but I think adding in gender really adds to it. She does truly dream of having that traditional marriage with someone, she has just been casting herself in the wrong role, which makes it all the harder to figure out, because she is so sure that's what she wants, but it always feels wrong anyway.

It turns out, all the women she has dated felt wrong, because she wanted to be them not be with them. Plus, they never measured up as a parental figure, as a mother figure specifically, because Eddie wasn't comparing to what can be expected of an early stages potential step parent. Instead, she was comparing them to what she, Eddie, provides for Chris, and they could never be as good as a mom as her (but she didn't realize this).

((Also, Buck - bc yes, I am making this a little buddie - was able to fit into that step parent role, bc Eddie wasn't comparing him to herself, but let him organically grow into the role. Something Eddie doesn't realize until she unpacked a lot of stuff and realized her feelings for him aren't the platonic kind. She also realizes why she was so fuckign jealous of all his girlfriends, but always less bothered by his boyfriends.))

I feel like she'd be more masc (give me butch trans woman Eddie, please, fan artist out there, I'm on my little knees) and she struggles a lot with wanting to be a woman, but having 'masculine' interest and thus feeling like she can't be. Seeing Hen was both great for her and the cause of much confusion, bc she wanted what Hen had so bad, but also not entirely, because she isn't a lesbian and she had no clue what that meant when she first started working with the 118.

She has a hyper-masculine phase (mustache Eddie, why xp), really leaning into 'being a man' to run away from the feelings, because that is a mood. This isn't a great time for Eddie, because she does still like her masculine hobbies, as mentioned above, so it's confusing and she semi-gaslights herself into thinking she is imagining it. Until one day she shaves and is like, huh, I forgot how much I liked the clean shaven look and suddenly that triggers a whole set of revelations.

She keeps the short hair, but changes the shaping off it slightly so it softens her face more. She also is a jeans girly through and through, though comfy leggings definitely start making their way into the rotation after Maddie introduced her to them. Eddie does change the cut of her jeans slightly to be less tight at the crotch area, but she does like jeans that emphasize her butt, bc she has a great ass and that makes her feel good about herself. Overall, she isn't big on skirts, but wears dresses when there is an occasion.

Also, she has height dysphoria, which also upsets her, because all the heels look fun, she doesn't care that Hen claims they're the devil's shoes. ((Buck being taller makes Eddie so euphoric, before she realizes what is making her dysphoric exactly, she'd continuously be in his space, because he makes her feel a little shorter. When on dates, she sometimes can pull out heels and Buck will wear thicker soles so she can, sliding an arm around her waist and tucking her into his side so the dysphoria won't creep back in)).

She doesn't tell her parents at first, but she does tell her sisters, who are thrilled to have an all girls sibling squad now. They give her some of the heirloom jewelry they got, which Eddie missed out on, because she was still an egg at the time. She totally doesn't cry... Maybe a little.

Eddie is not a make up girl, however. She really tried to get into it, especially to cover the five-o'clock shadow, but it always looked weird and it isn't practical with her job. When they have a party, she'll put on some mascara and try with contour to add a little different shaping to her jaw and cheeks, but she never gets into it as much as she thought she would. She does not say no to getting manny paddies with Athena and May from time to time. Having nice nails is a great source of gender euphoria.

It was a little hard on Chris for Eddie to be mom too and Eddie had a whole crisis about what if this is repeating Kim, but in a different font and I am actually trying to replace Shannon? She has a lot of solo therapy and the two go to family therapy. Chris is never a dick about it, just a kid working through his trauma (don't be mean). When they have worked through it, Chris is her number one hype man, even though he's an awkward teen about it. His stumbling compliments are always her favorite and she carries them with her in her heart.

Anyway, just straight trans woman Eddie <3

[thisisxli]

Can you do Suna x gender-netrual(afab)!reader who is austic and have same personality as Mina from mha?

REQUEST - 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐑. 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫(𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐛)

Rs: Suna Rintarou x autistic GN!Reader(afab)

Warnings: ableism, small angst, realistic depictions, bullying, small self-harm, unrequited love, fights, Atsumu is a shitty person

Tags: fluff, reader is a sweet person, Suna is protective, childhood friends to lovers?, Small slow burn, sweet, not for the weak, author's self projection, different sexualities implied

Summary: Reader who stands out and is not always liked by everybody, is childhood friend with Suna Rintarou. Suna truly realizes his feelings when an oddly close friend of his start to berate you.

wc: 1.9k

To say Suna didn't like you was.. wrong. If anything, it wasn't that he liked you either. You were very bubbly and kind but there were times where you couldn't do simple tasks or do exactly as you were told. His parents were friends with yours so as a kid he was constantly at your place. Every time you tried to speak, you always got yelled at or scolded at by your parents. To them, they would always say you couldn't speak properly; as they would say, 'you're not using your tongue.'

Sure, you paid attention in school. But were you at the bottom in your classes? Yes. A lot of people always made fun of you in some type away or found some kind of antic to provoke you, yet Suna stuck around. He mostly felt bad. And his parents would force him to stick around.

Now, you were a honor-roll student, all A's and zero F's, and super friendly. You were able to talk but sometimes stuttering got to the best of you or it was just a jumble of words, but Suna never said anything. Sometimes he would catch you voluntarily sputtering things in a conversation but embarrassingly, it goes silent after that and everyone gets awkward. He would get second-hand embarrassment.

Sometimes he would catch you picking at your uneven set of nails, digging into the sides and create hangnails. Or he would catch you constantly picking at your face ridden with a few acne. He shakes his head at that.

No one really bullied you now, thankfully. You actually became really pretty and makeup would top it all off. Now of course you lured in many people, especially guys. But did any one of them that you got with stayed with you? No, they didn't. But you were so naive, you thought being loved by someone would fix all your problems or that you were constantly the problem. Suna had to watch it all and stick by your side. He was sick of it.

"Suna! Wanna come over my place after school?" You chirp and come up from behind, holding your hands behind your back. He sighs, clutching his school bag, "I don't know, (Y/N). I have volleyball practice." Your smile drops and you think to yourself for a moment, crossing your arms over each other.

"Soo.. Can I watch you play? I could probably try to text my mom-" "She'll just get mad at you for making a last minute plan," he deadpans, glancing down at you from the side. Your cheeks were a little too pink, he thinks. He thinks its' the blush. "Well that's why I said I could try! And now that I'm thinking about it.. I'm starting to get a little nervous- where do I sit? There might be a bunch of eyes on me," you complain, moving your foot in front of the other every time you cross a line on the marble floor. Suna rolls his eyes and waves you off, turning to a room. "This is my class, see ya," he murmurs, earning a cheery 'bye' from you.

You felt your palms sweating, frantically wiping them at your school uniform. Shit, you didn't really think much of this through. You needed permission and for that you needed to ask. You didn't really know why but talking to adults was really scary to you.

You almost groan when you open the gym doors, a low screech coming from the doors' screws. Heads turn to look towards you. Quickly, you scurry over to the coaches.

You blink at them, your voice turned into a sweet facade, "I'm sorry to intrude but can I?- am I able to watch this practice? On the behalf of Suna Rintarou? I have a ride so.." You dig your nails into the hem of your shirt. Suna notices it in the corner of his eye. The coach quite literally stares at you down before responding, "sure, but I don't know if you'll be able to the next time. If you really want to, apply for manager," he shrugs. "You can go sit over there," the coach points to the wall with a cart of volleyballs standing beside it. You lightly bow before scurrying over, letting out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding.

Suna wasn't one to show off but now that you were here, he suddenly really felt the need to.

His eyes follow and switch between Kita and Aran, who both seemed like they were ready to spike. Much to his predicament, he was correct for choosing Aran; hitting the volleyball straight into Suna's hands. He hissed at the sting, getting a pat in the back from Atsumu. "Great work! But I could already tell yer just showing off to that girl ova' there. I heard she was autistic-" Suna cuts him off with a glare, rubbing his hands together. "So what?" They all fetched their water bottles, standing by the walls and bench to rest for a few. "I always see 'ya hangin' around her. You got sum'in going on with the artistics, am I right 'Samu?" Assume nudges at Osamu's side who just nods and doesn't pay attention, gulping down his water bottle down in one go.

"Don't be mean guys, she can't help it-" Aran gets shushed by Akari who also has a mutual understanding with the Miya twin, "oh yeah, for sure. I think it might be a little obvious, Suna."

Suna rolls his eyes and just scrolls through his phone, "shut up. You don't know anything." Atsumu practically cackles at Suna's response just as he walks away, walking towards you. You take the opportunity to finally speak up, "Suna! You were amazing out there! I- you're really good at this stuff- I really- fuck, sorry- you- never mind." Suna snickers and you playfully pout, your makeup unable to hide the embarrassed blush. Suna's lips twitch upward a bit, bringing a hand on top of your head to pet it a little while taking a sip from his water bottle, "it's fine. Thank you though."

You nod and smile. All Suna could feel at that moment was his neck starting to get hot.

Suna lands a fist against Atsumu's cheek, startling their other teammates around them. They couldn't even react when Suna climbs atop of Atsumu, landing multiple punches. Suna had never got into a fight before, so this was new. And it must've been serious because of the way Atsumu was shit-talking behind your back? He had it coming. "Alright, hands to yourselves," Aran carefully finds his way under Suna's arms, trying not to get elbowed as Suna's legs jolted and kicked at Atsumu. "You think that shit's funny now?! I'll beat yer ass again if you keep talkin' shit!" Atsumu just scoffs, pulling his shirt up to wipe his nose that was starting to leak some blood. Kita looms over Atsumu with a grim look, his other team members standing beside him as one of them shook their head in disappointment.

"What?" Atsumu pouts, averting his gaze. "Go apologize to Suna. I want you to apologize to (Y/N) too, if you see her," Kita sighs, pulling Atsumu to his feet. "Fine," he spits.

The next time Atsumu sees you, he asks you to meet up outside during lunch period but once you do, you're confused and hurt.

"I'm sorry for.. saying some stuff about you. I don't know if you've ever heard me or sum'in but I did and now I have to apologize.. But I'm also so pissed," Atsumu stares daggers into your eyes, stepping closer to your faltering form. "How could he like someone like you? Yer actually hard to speak to and yer weird- the only thing I feel sorry for is how stupid you can get. Yer actually so fuckin' weird," he mutters, staring down at you with disgust.

"Okay..?" You can hear your voice waver, bearing a weak attempt to hide what you felt, "what's your point? Why do I piss you off? I don't- that's beyond my comprehension, I don't understand-" he cuts you off when he bucks at you, stomping a foot onto the ground that makes you flinch.

"Suna! He likes you and I don't-" he laughs midway in disbelief, small heat rising to his cheeks in embarrassment, "he likes you! I don't understand. I'm better in every way that you aren't. Yer autistic for gods sake- Yer just someone who he has to hang around with 'cause he's forced to, you-"

"Atsumu!" Atsumu twists his head to see a very angry Suna. You stare up at Atsumu in shock and hurt. Did Suna really feel that way? Did Atsumu really feel that way? You didn't even know he was like that. And why was he so mean? What could you have possibly done wrong to be yourself?

"Get the fuck out of here," Suna mutters, shoving his way past Atsumu and towards you. Atsumu stares at him for a few seconds before scoffing, shoving his hands into his pockets when he walks away. Suna stares at you with worry. "I am so so sorry he's said all of that to you, are you okay?" Suna lightly grasps onto your forearms, his head following wherever your eyes followed so he could be in your direct vision. You look down at his school uniform, frowning when you say, "was that true? You stick around because you're forced?"

Suna's lips curve downward, his fingers sliding down to your wrists and squeezes, "well... yes.."

You hang your head low when you start to feel your face muscles moving on its' own, furrowed brows and crinkled eyes matching with your wrinkling frown. "But, it's only my parents that force me to, no one else. Not me. If I really wanted to stop hanging with you even with my parents forcing me, I would've done so already. My parents don't really count," he murmurs, gently pulling you into an embrace. "What the other part 'Tsumu said was true too though," he whispers in your ear, moving a few inches back so he could move your hair behind your ear.

"What..?" You blink away your tears, making your way to look up into his eyes, "I like you, (Y/N). I'm sorry if I didn't realize that sooner. I don't care if we're complete polar opposites or if you have autism. I like you and all of that is what makes you, you." Suna rubs his thumb across your cheek, eyes slightly widening, "or!- Or it's completely okay if you don't reciprocate. I'm completely fine with that."

Your face felt really hot and all the wrong places on your body were sweating. You suck in your bottom lip, digging your nails into your palm, "I..." Suna looks at you expectantly. You just stare at him until you couldn't, moving your eyes everywhere around him. You wanted to say something but it was almost like your body was compelling you not to. You felt scared. "I like you- you too," you mutter with a strain, slurring and almost spitting when saliva builds up too much in your mouth. You quickly shut your mouth and swallow it down. Suna smiles down at you, his hand moving to the back of your head and leans in.

You frown warily and squeeze your eyes shut but you don't feel anything on your lips. You feel his peck onto your cheek bone, something as so soft and gentle.

You open your eyes to look at him. Suna looks back at you so lovingly, his cheeks slightly tinted pink. "This period is about to end soon, so let's go," he smiles, extending a hand towards you. "Okay," you breathe, sliding your hand into his calloused ones.

a/n: sorry if I took a bit posting this. I've been a little busy :). This fic hit a little close to home because I know what it's like to be standing out in certain places, people, or time and you can never understand why. It's either really hard to speak up or a lot to say or be said. I really am sorry for those who struggle with this or any type of disorder; but then again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

Please check out my other works if you haven't, please enjoy.

[justice-flonne]

Twitter and the death of Media Literacy

As the original post now has reblogs turned off before this post came out of the queue, looks like I have to make my own

Lemme tackle picture number 2 first. Number one, what the HELL do you mean "normal mentally ill [woman]"?? There's no such thing. There's not even such a thing as normal non-mentally ill. Everyone is different and has different reactions and symptoms. and number two: where the fuck do you get off calling the author a sex pest for the "crime" of exploring her options in brothels (well, i guess maybe it is a crime, i forget how japan's laws are, but still. i better not hear you demanding more rights for sex workers while indirectly demeaning their jobs, ya nitwit)? Being gay (or even just non-conforming, and that's not even just about gender) in Japan, while not as bad as say, the Middle East, is not exactly a walk in the park. She probably at the time of writing didn't have many options, and everybody explores their sexuality in different ways. It's really messed up that you're calling the author a sex pest for describing her life, especially since she did nothing wrong (as in, her encounters were all consensual. again, don't fully know the laws regarding brothels there. i think it's a "we'll pretend we didn't see that" scenario)

This also kinda ties into the downright dangerous idea that an lgbt+ person, lesbians especially, can only be an innocent pure being. that kind of thinking can and HAS gotten people into horrible abuse scenarios

As for the "incest"... whoo boy, this is gonna be long:

Now, I have actually read this manga, and I can cite the pages with the supposed "incest" mentioned in the first pic. I'd elaborate, but I'm admittedly quite bad at that, so I'll let the comic speak for itself:

(forgive me if there's any errors in the alt text. it's late 😭)

As you can see, the author does not LITERALLY want to fuck her mother. She has childhood issues from not enough affection (elaborated elsewhere in the book, but I'm tired. read it yourself. i got these pages from a definitely legal website, so can you), and wants to be held and coddled. She even straight up says what she feels is abnormal and yearns for a woman NOT RELATED TO HER to do things with. She KNOWS what she feels is strange and wants to (and eventually DOES) grow from this. I could post more images, but i'm probably pushing my luck as is

Point is, you "adults" really, REALLY need to learn that depiction is not the same as endorsement. Not everything is as cut and dry as the Marquis de Sade. This is, as the damn title says, the author's experience with loneliness as a result of growing up with an emotionally distant mother in a society that is markedly different than America

please, PLEASE, learn to think critically, and i mean "critical" in a "english class analysis" kind of way (for lack of a better term), not a "this thing you like is bad and it offends me" "critical." It's alright to be uncomfortable with things and even to not like things, hell I myself am a HUGE hater, but please, don't throw a tantrum because a real person wasn't a smol bean like you hoped

holy shit i need to go to bed

[sciderman]

Your post about balls and their inherent attractiveness made me wonder who you are attracted to? If you don’t mind me asking of course! I don’t mean to pry.

I’m just curious because you’re such a multifaceted person and gender and sexuality are so multifaceted. You mentioned that like, you don’t think you’re this icon of gender that everyone thinks you are but I don’t think you’re as far off as you think you are. You’ve never (at least that I have seen) claimed to have it all figured out. You sort of just walk into the room and go, “This is what I’m doing right now! Is it what I’ll be doing tomorrow? I don’t know!” It’s very David Bowie. So I thought maybe in terms of your sexuality you’ll likely be in a similar state of, “I know what I don’t like, but I’m still discovering what I do like because every day is a new adventure!”

hmm!! hmm... i think it's tough to pinpoint, because i've not had a lot of crushes in my time with people i know on a personal level - and, i haven't really been in a lot of relationships, and when i have it's usually been people pursuing me and me just, giving up the fight (sighs) - but when i do have a crush it's usually an emotional bond that makes them so attractive to me. it's not that they're not physically attractive too, of course they are, but it's kind of the emotional side that makes every little bit of them homina homina, you know. not to be gay about it.

i think even celebrity crushes i have are more about their inexplicable vibes more than their physical features. vibes have to be immaculate. i need to think "yeah. i wanna hang out with them. i think they could make me laugh."

though of course there's people out there who are objectively gorgeous, and i'm not immune to that. i know when someone's gorgeous. i - well, i don't know. i'm just (waves hands around) bisexual. i'm very bisexual. i find a lot of people attractive. from all parts of the gender and aesthetic spectrum. i don't think i could point at one thing and say "oh so that's what does it for me" - i think maybe just... enthusiasm and good vibes. friendly and approachable. not intimidating. kissable (whatever that means).

i'm easily scared away by people who seem intense. because i'm very skittish. so... people that are approachable and make me feel comfortable and safe, yeah. god. feeling safe with someone. yeah. that gets me hot under the collar. when i'm with someone i can feel free and comfortable with, and they kind of get it - and they know how to not scare me away, that's great. i've had a lot of interest in me from a lot of people that just kind of didn't get me, or think i'm something else, and all i want to do is get out of that situation. i can't do it, i can't do it. it - it kind of makes relationships difficult for me. because it's almost a given that if someone is thinking of me in a sexual context they're misinterpreting me. it - it kind of stinks. like, i should be responsive, maybe, but it never feels comfortable, for me. i wish it felt right. it very rarely does. so - so i've turned down so, so many people. and i beat myself up about being "scared" or whatever, but - i don't think it's true. if it feels right it feels right. if it doesn't feel right - you can't - you can't force yourself to think that it is. and every time i've bitten the bullet, it - it doesn't work. because it wasn't right. sometimes i think there's something wrong with me. but - i... i don't know. i've had this realisation that nearly all of the intimate relationships i've ever had, i've been a bit of a cornered animal. and i hate that realisation. it kind of stinks to realise that. kicks the dirt. god, i need more positive experiences.

i definitely feel more comfortable with afab people - i've - well, i've never had a positive encounter with anyone amab. not a one. i know that i shouldn't hold it against them, but it does something about my degree of comfort, yep. and i just think afab parts are prettier. (i'm right. they are.)

but i think, you know, while everybody has their clothes on, i don't really have preferences when it comes to femme vs masc, really. like when it comes to actors and things it's a 50/50 split on what actors or actresses i find attractive. in my day-to-day i'm probably more attracted to femme-presenting people, but that's generally because they put a little bit more effort into it, and their clothes and make-up are so, so pretty. i love when people display their emotions or their energy through their wardrobe. when people express themselves with all their colours or whatever. when you get a sense of who they are, and what they're about, just by looking at them. people who light up a room. i love those people. you generally find that more with femme-presenting people, and i love those girls. stay loud and proud, my girlies...

in my mind, in my subconscious, whenever i have dreams (that aren't a sordid threeway - i have a lot of those - usually with one gorgeous girl and a large, ominous faceless man) - dreams about who i'm going to wind up with, they're almost always femme-presenting. usually my age. sometimes older. shrugs. don't know what it means. just that's where my brain is at. i don't think it has to be true, but - guess it's where my brain is at.

my dad still insists that i'll end up with a man. i almost want to not, just to spite him. whenever i mention i'm attracted to a male actor he says "oh. so you are straight." he thinks i'm just confused. he says to me, "you're confused and that's okay." so i think that might be just about the full extent of acceptance i'll get from him. shrugs. i'm confused, i guess. i don't know. i think this particular thing i don't think i should or will have an answer. i don't think i'm confused. i don't feel like i need to sort it out. my options are open. i'm not scared about whatever will come. whatever is meant to happen will happen. that's - just, i guess, that's how i see it. whatever is meant to happen will happen. and it's not a problem that it hasn't happened yet. because i guess it wasn't meant to.

i think my gender stuff was always a priority - it always came first. i had my gender awakening LOOOONG before my sexual awakening (my sexual awakening like. only happened like. two years ago. honest to god.) i remember it being a bit of a problem - when i was forging my gender path back in high school, and a lot of people thought it meant something. meant that i was a cute boy who was up for dating girls. when actually i was the kind of boy who was not into girls yet. i was too busy being into comic books. i think even now, sex just - isn't my priority. it's just - it's more important for me to find people that see me for me. see me for what i am, and the sex can come later.

it's just - it's stupid, really. i find a million of you guys online who kind of get it. you're freaky weird gender like me but - in real life - i have no idea how to explain myself. i have no idea how to market myself. i can't use dating websites because i think people on both sides are going to be disappointed. and absolutely everyone who's romantically interested in me in person doesn't know how to approach me as what i am. they approach me wrong, and it scares me away on impact because - because whatever they think i am, i'm not. i'm not a butch lesbian, i'm not a transguy, i'm not a girl, i'm not a boy, i'm not... i don't know, i'm not easily marketable. i can't find my demographic. i've only found my demographic here, in my weird little spider-man corner of the internet. with likeminded freaky gendered spider-man nerds, i guess. i think maybe my dating life would be easier if i could just be one thing. but... (waves hands around) i can't do it. i can't force myself into a box for the sake of being more easily marketable. i just can't do it.

[wowcatboys]

Hooray! Requests are open! And I rush like the wind into your abode with my idea! How about this idea? Heartsteel!Kayn x Gothic singer!Reader? Reader is the leader of the Gothic rock band the band. In their video, as well as in the songs themselves, there is a lot of gloom, mystery, and also a lot of creepy themes. There are a lot of cemeteries, abandoned buildings, etc. And in the main life Reader likes to visit cemeteries and abandoned buildings (just like me. Because there you can relax from the hustle and bustle of the city. Peace and quiet). In the clips, Reader often acts as a vampire. I would like to know the dynamics in their relationship) Thank you very much!)

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GIF by thedemonlady

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HEARTSTEEL KAYN: GOTHIC/SINGER PARTNER HEADCANONS ♡ Gender Neutral ♡ Light to mid-NSFW sprinkled throughout... couldn't help myself (but I KNOW none of you bonk-deserving DEGENERATES mind much 0-0 ) ♡ TW: Slight Sexual Content ♡Keyes write less than one thousand words about Kayn challenge (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE)

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KAYN

Yone's the one who "introduced" you to Kayn, in a way. After seeing one of your music videos, Yone had a feeling Kayn might like your style and sent him a link. What Yone didn't foresee was Kayn becoming instantly fucking obsessed with you. But how was he supposed to resist? You, with your blood red lips and your black lace everything and your haunting, creepy voice...how could Kayn be anything but instantly, painfully in love?

Since your group was much smaller than Heartsteel, it wasn't hard for Kayn to get you to notice him. Sure, maybe the guys teased him for DM'ing you around the clock and turning up at all your shows like a damn groupie until you told him he could take you out sometime...but he's the one who bagged the goth hottie in the end, so who's the real winner?

Kayn keeps a mini silver bat keychain clipped to his bag, a constant reminder of you. Even though your aesthetic is gloomy and, frankly, a little ominous, he still says that your little bat is his good luck charm.

Of course Kayn knows that you scream in your songs—he listens to them religiously, after all—but the first time he heard it in person? Holy shit, he got chills. He knows he shouldn't interrupt your band practice. It was already nice enough of you to let him sit in and listen. But he can't. fucking. help it. "That was the hottest shit I've heard in my life," he tells you after you finish the song. "You're so fucking cool." When the band takes a five-minute break halfway through rehearsal, Kayn tugs you into the nearest bathroom and shows you just how sexy he finds you. Needless to say, you get a bit more screaming practice than you bargained for...

Typically, Kayn prefers the stage to the crowd, but even he can admit that being in the audience at your shows is a really fucking good time. The low, moody lighting, the smoke machines belting fog across the stage, groups of your fans proudly sporting plastic fans and screaming the haunting lyrics to your songs? The atmosphere is fucking impeccable. Plus, in a crowd like this, he can easily get away with going full Rhaast. (He's even started a mosh pit or two...or more. Probably best not to keep track.)

Kayn's favorite part of your vampire-ensemble? A pair of silver tooth caps, shaped like fangs (naturally). When he steals you away from rehearsals or pulls you into a dark backstage corner after a show, Kayn's quickly licking his way into your mouth, tongue dancing along the edge of the metal. "Bite me," he often growls into the edge of your ear as you're kissing down his neck. At first you thought he was kidding, so you'd always give him a light nip and then find your way back to his hungry mouth. But, one time, he smacked your ass as you were working the soft flesh of his neck and you, surprised, really bit down—hard. The way Kayn squirmed into you, panting and whining as a dark bruise started blossoming to the surface of his neck, told you that's definitely what he'd been wanting all along.

Since Kayn's been in the industry for a long time, he's a lot more used to dealing with paparazzi than you are. Whenever you come to him for advice on dealing with the cameras and harassment, he scoffs, instantly annoyed. "Oh, those fucking assholes? If you get in their faces enough, they'll back off." Don't worry, though, he'll do the 'getting in their faces' part for you. If you're out with Kayn and the two of you start getting mobbed, he's not afraid to elbow a reporter or two, or break a few camera lenses. Your management is pissed by the bad press, of course, but it's done wonders for your privacy.

Kayn's favorite pet-name for you is his 'baby bat'. He often calls you that after you do something cute. "Ugh, my baby bat," he says, squishing your cheeks with his hand and planting a kiss on your puckered, smushed-together lips. "So fucking adorable."

Your music taste has earned you the great honor of sharing a Spotify account with Kayn. You're the only person he'd ever even consider allowing to add songs to his playlists, or influence what music the algorithm spits through the radio while he's driving. Just don't steal the account while he's listening (he gets pouty).

Whenever the two of you are hanging out Kayn tries to snag your notebook, flipping through for a glimpse at your newest song concepts or music video ideas. He can't help being curious! You're one of his favorite artists (the fact that you kiss him a lot helps with that), so he's always eager for a sneak peek at your next creative endeavor. Your brain fascinates him, and he can't wait to see what ominous project you put out next.

Anytime you've got a photoshoot, count on Kayn to show up. He loves to see you in full vampire-mode, looking flawless in you Tim-Burton-esque makeup and your platform boots. He's got an eye for edgy photography and iconography, too, so he's a great person to draw inspiration from (even if he tends to annoy the photographers—he's not afraid to tell them if their photos are shitty). Some of his best photo ideas? A boudoir-esque shoot centered around a velvet-lined coffin, a Halloween photo-set with charmingly-poorly-carved jack o' lanterns (carving credits to Heartsteel), a birthday party in a graveyard. Not all of his ideas are so extravagant, of course, and some of his best are the most simple. He's taken a simple shot of his neon eye that you loved so much, you made it the cover art for one of your singles.

Kayn has you saved in his phone under a black heart and a bat emoji.

While the graveyard might be a little too quiet and still for his tastes, Kayn's glad to accompany you on trips to abandoned buildings. He's committed arson in explored his fair share of old warehouses and factories, so he knows what to expect when the two of you break into an abandoned building on a date. He's got a full toolkit—flashlights, a crowbar, lockpicks. Whenever you've got to smash a window or crack a lock to move forward, Kayn eagerly volunteers to clear the way. "You know, since I'm a gentleman," he smiles, sweeter than sugar as he kicks down a door. (You have to physically restrain yourself from rolling your eyes at that.) The two of you spend hours wandering through old buildings on your days off, brushing through years of old, quiet dust. When it's time to leave, Kayn breaks a bottle of spray paint out of his bag. He always tags the building before you clear out, one little symbol for each of you; his Rhaast-grinned Heartsteel icon, and a bat next to it.

[skele-bunny]

I seen you share this post and I know you're comfortable writing these things, so I was wondering if we could have little snippets or maybe a fic elaborating on when you wrote about Dew punching someone for fat shaming Aether? Thanks!! https://www.tumblr.com/skele-bunny/759611991374643200?source=share

Word! Also you're right wjsjdj I don't mind writing these things at all. I'm perfectly fine with getting requests to tackle heavier topics 💪 context: this post by @mutt-sys

CW - FATPHOBIA, RACISM, PARENTAL DISCRIMINATION, ABLEISM, VICTIM BLAMING, TRANSPHOBIA, ACEPHOBIA

Cowbell has experienced acephobia before. Ghouls are sexual driven creatures, there's no way a ghoul is asexual! She's had to deal with crude remarks, "You just haven't met the right person!" // "It's just a phase you'll grow out of." , which also meant unwanted advances. Sometimes it gets to the point she thinks she's broken. That something really is wrong with him.

A multitude of both ghouls and siblings have had to work around ableism. Zephyr simply being denied into places like the bathhouse, outings with their pack as they simple didn't have wheelchair accessibility. Delta being denied accessibility services because he wasn't "blind enough." Pebble fighting for MONTHS to get his hearing aids. Phantom not being accommodated as "We've seen autistic people before. You don't act like that." or just "You? I would've never guessed! You don't look autistic!"

And yeah! Just like in that little hc post, Aether, Cumulus, Omega, Alpha, Ifrit, basically any bigger ghoul has absolutely received fatphobia on a daily basis wether it's subtle or outright. Getting grimaces, especially if they work in the hospital. Bc they're deemed "unhealthy" so why should they work in a "healthy" setting? Omega getting an annoyed sighs from the wardrobe siblings "Guess we need another size up..." Cumulus being deemed unattractive because of her weight, her height, basically anything about her was unattractive. Unlovable.

Even Terzo faced discrimination. Constantly misgendered and deadnamed even after being publicly out, always feeling his face warm up and heart stop as he's deadnamed in front of someone who only knew him as Terzo. But forced to bare it and grin as if he even tries standing up for himself he's "Sensitive" or "Over reacting" and given just annoyed sighs and eye rolls. Sunshine and Cirrus getting scoffed at and slurs thrown at them for entering women's sections of say the bathhouse or changing room at the gym. Constantly being reported (that doesn't go anywhere) but passively aggressively suggested to use the gender neutral rooms instead, which just makes them more upset.

Mist experiencing discrimination with her kits! One of them starts fussing and annoyed whispers of "I wish there were child free places"//"Does that baby have to be here?"//"Great, just what I wanted. A screaming kit." At first he was able to stand up for himself and curse them out but after so many times... It's hard to not let it get to you. Just softly crying and getting frustrated at not only himself but her kits :/. Unable to go back to work as they don't want someone "wrapped up with kits who's unreliable."

(Based on my own and my partners experiences.*)

Ghouls facing issues as they're learning a new language, just broken and choppy but doing their best to try and communicate. Always gets those fake smiles as they turn to a ghoul that been around longer "Could you translate for them?" Or even speaking to them like a child. "What is YOURRR naammee?" Just outright ignored if they try to get someone's attention bc that person doesn't want to 'struggle' with trying to understand even tho they're not even attempting.

Swiss having to learn to do his own hair and more styles as the stylists didn't know how to even work with his hair type. They just shaved it and he was MORTIFIED. Always labeled as aggressive by passer-byers and being followed around in stores while Dew is left alone and even approached with friendly service. Being stopped twice and accused of shoplifting and trying to defend himself only to, once again, be marked as aggressive and hostile.

Dew terrified to come out about anything he experienced bc he's heard the whispers about other people coming out. "Well what did she do to deserve it?"//"He must've led her on."//"That's what happens when you drink!" So he just stays quiet and never speaks up about anything, just forced to deal with it on his own even after he confided in Aether and Mountain as he's scared they think that of him.

Shit SUCKS. While there have been improvements through the years, unions, changes made with each Papa, it doesn't always stop it. Unfortunately, discrimination will always be around. 🫠

[reimeichan]

As I start nearing 30 years old, and also as I become more integrated, I've started exploring who "I" am, as a person, and as a single identity. I know that not too long ago I made a post talking about these aspects of who I am, as a person, post-fusion. But I've also been finding more and more bits and pieces of myself and working through my trauma since then, and as new information crops up, I'm starting to once again re-examine who I am.

Mainly, I've been exploring my gender and sexuality. My sexuality especially has always been very clear to me since I was 14. I'm asexual. Nothing had really changed that for well over a decade. And not for lack of trying, too; I explored my feelings on sexuality and sex for a long time and it was something I would regularly rotate around in my head. Am I truly ace? I enjoy reading hentai and watching porn and reading smut, does that mean I'm sexually attracted to people? I'm hypersexual, how does that factor in to my ace-ness? Am I maybe aro as well? Am I demi-ace? Is my asexuality a result of my trauma? Does that make my asexuality more or less valid in that way? I explored every aspect of my asexual identity as thoroughly as I could, and each time I emerged on the other side even more certain that "asexual" was the best and closest label to describe my sexuality.

But, now... as I work through these different parts of me and understand the bits of me I had dissociated away, I'm starting to become more connected to... having sexual attraction to others. It's not that I was wrong about being ace for all these years; I think it's important to honor and acknowledge that part of my history. But I also think that to continue to call myself "asexual" is doing a disservice to myself. I do find people "hot". I do think about and fantasize about people's bodies. It's no longer about just the act of sex or kink itself turning me on (as it had been when I was ace), I'm very much attracted to people's bodies. And in that way I think it's more accurate to tell others that I am bisexual. And... that's quite a change, for me. To start acknowledging that I have sexual feelings towards others, and am sexually attracted to them, is so new to me, when in the past this wasn't something I ever felt like I had experienced.

And similarly, my gender. The thing that I could never figure out, but with each passing day I find further clarity. I think I know how to explain my gender now. I was a girl. For much of my childhood, I was absolutely a girl. But as I hit my preteen years and my teenage years, that started to shift. I saw myself less as a girl, and more as something.... in-between and outside of that. Nonbinary. Agender. Androgynous. I don't know what term works best, but I know what it was for me. And again, in early adulthood, that shifted yet again. I was genderfluid, a girly guy, a femboy. But I'm not going to be a young adult for much longer, and I find myself looking into the future. In my middle age, who I am? Who do I see myself becoming? And, beyond that, who will I be when I'm even older, at retirement age or even as an elderly 80, 90 year old?

And as I think about this future version of me, I realize that I am no longer a genderfluid girly femboy. I'm... a guy. I'm a middle aged Asian man. I don't know if "transmasc" or "trans man" really is the best way to describe that, but it's the closest word I have for what I see and what I feel. But really, just calling myself a guy is enough I think. I'm going to be a middle aged guy sooner than later, and I want to take some steps for this future version of me so that he can feel more comfortable in his skin.

I'm still a femboy right now. I like this version of me and I plan to stick with it as long as it feels right. But I also know this isn't who I'm going to be forever, and that's okay.

It's so weird, exploring all of these feelings at my age, especially when I thought I had it all figured out. But life isn't so clear cut, and you're never too old to figure out who you are. And it's okay for things to change as you get older, too. Either way, I'm excited for whoever I end up becoming, and I'm proud of who I am right now.