#Tua seven stages of paradox psychosis

[sideblogandabiscuit]

THE SIDE EFFECTS!!!

[agent-toast]

ok i was just thinking

you know how TUA has Paradox Psychosis, and Artemis Fowl has Atlantis Complex? well since both five and artemis got these two, what if the roles were switched?

and also what if smol artemis and slightly less smol artemis had paradox psychosis in the time paradox? :00

just a refresher, here are the symptoms of paradox psychosis and atlantis complex:

The Seven Stages of Paradox Psychosis:

Denial

Itching

Extreme thirst and urination

Excessive gas

Acute paranoia

Uncontrollable pespiration

Homicidal rage

(i memorised all of that and i have no idea why)

The Symptoms of Atlantis Complex (unofficial, based on book):

Paranoia

Excessive counting

Superstitions and detachment from reality

Hallucinations

Obsession over certain things

Split personality

[not-looking-for-happy]

The Umbrella Academy S02E08 - The Seven Stages

[dreamywavy]

𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀 / 𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻𝘀 ✰

[ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐲 ] — number five ★

➮ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐱 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬

[hxney-lemcn]

Seven Stages (Pt. 2)

Word Count: 1.3k

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x reader

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Warning: Swearing, season 2 spoilers

Main Master List | TUA Master List

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Older looking Five and Luther were walking ahead of us while younger looking Five and I strayed behind. Luther and older looking Five were whispering to each other, obviously planning against us and I couldn’t help but sigh out. 

Younger looking Five walked backwards and glared at some people, “What’re you looking at? See something funny?” I let out another sigh trying to hide my laughter. I know I should try to stop him from shouting at random people but holy fuck was it funny. “Mind your business!” Five shouted at someone walked towards us. “Or I’ll give you something to look at!”

“Five,” I said calmly gaining his attention. “Calm down.”

He glared at me, “Or what, your going to shoot me?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. Okay now this is just annoying. 

“Five,” I growled out as a warning, not wanting to fight with him. 

“You wish you could pull off these shorts!” Five shouted at another person walking by. He kept itching himself and he was acting super paranoid. I felt bad for him honestly. The commission made sure to drill into our heads how dangerous paradox psychosis yet I’ve never seen it in action. 

Luther looked back at us and we switched places. Standing next to older looking Five it was tense. I could tell he didn’t trust me. 

“It’s been awhile,” I spoke up softly. We were close when we both worked at the commission and then I left him. I felt guilty, but I had to leave, I couldn’t deal with the killing anymore. He nodded curtly. “I’m sorry I left,” I whispered. 

He looked at me, “I’m glad you’re okay.” I felt myself soften at that and the struggle between teasing him or keeping this a tender moment overcame me. 

“You’re planning to kill him aren’t you,” I sighed out, something I seem to have done a lot of today. 

“How-”

“I know you pretty well Five,” I rolled my eyes. “We were partners for quiet awhile.”

“They seem to be in a big argument huh?” I asked as I glanced behind me to see Luther and younger looking Five shouting at each other. 

“Worst case of paradox psychosis I’ve ever seen,” The Five next to me replied. 

“Hmm,” I hummed in acknowledgement. “I know you’re suffering from it too.”

“I’M THE DADDY HERE!” Younger looking Five shouted at Luther and I bursted out laughing. 

“Oh my god,” I giggled out. “He actually just did that.” Older looking Five looked at me with a look I’ve never seen him give before. “You’re such an old grump,” I said trying to start another conversation. “No matter the age you are physically.” 

He rolled his eyes and spoke out loud to us all, “Would you two stop grab-assing? We’re here!” 

Older looking Five started to set up his stuff while I walked over to Luther and younger looking Five.

“Flatulence, stage four,” Luther whispered to himself.

“See?” Five pointed out. “What’s your plan now buko?” Five then farted making him look away in embarrassment, “That was just lunch okay? Shut up.” He walked away slightly and Luther looked like he was trying to decide who to side with. 

“This is my favorite part,” Older looking Five said putting his sniper together and effectively breaking the silence. “The calm before the storm.” Younger looking Five was breathing heavily, staring at the briefcase. I placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down even though I had no clue how to. Soon stage seven is going to kick in and I don’t wanna deal with that. No mater how old the Five’s may be, they are still absolute children. 

“Look, the briefcase,” Five said, squaring up his shoulders and knocking my hand off.

“No Five,” I replied.

“You won’t be able to make it there in time,” Luther agreed. 

“Of course I will,” Five replied back and I was ready to smack some sense into this guy. “This is our only chance.” 

“Hey, uh, just remind me,” Luther said. “What was the final stage of paradox psychosis again?” 

“Homicidal rage,” Five and I said at the same time. 

“Right,” Luther chuckled. “That’s great.” I silently agreed with the big man.

I noticed Five inching closer and I spoke up, “Five listen to me- No. No!” Five blinked forward and older looking Five blinked behind aiming his rifle at his younger looking counterpart. 

“Bad idea shit-heel!” He shouted cocking his gun. I went and skillfully grabbed the rifle.

“Stop it!” I shouted, glaring at the two. “Pull it together!” “Kennedy is going to be coming around the corner any minute,” Luther pointed out. “So everyone take a deep breath.” Luther took in a deep breath and released it. Older looking Five took a shaky breath in and out while younger looking Five took in a tense breath and released. “Now we’re all family here...besides (y/n) but still,” Luther said trying to defuse the situation. “Can we try to get along for a few more minutes?”

“You want it?” Younger looking Five asked and I knew this wasn’t going to end well.

“Go ahead,” Older looking Five replied and that’s when I knew this really wasn’t going to be good. 

“What’s that?” Luther asked. Then *BAM*! Kicked right in the nuts by younger looking Five. Luther fell down and both Fives started to fight. Both Fives were fighting and blinking around making it near impossible for me to try and stop it. I felt myself become frustrated as all I could do was watch next to Luther and wait for him to recover. 

Both Fives ended up hitting Luther once again which cause Luther to shout out, “I’m really getting sick of this!”

Older looking Five being now incapacitated, younger looking Five started making the portal to 2019. I held the sniper defensively knowing I can’t kill older looking Five or everything will be messed up. Older looking Five woke up slowly and watched as younger looking Five was creating the portal. 

He went to grab the case but I was quicker, and aimed the rifle at him, “Don’t even think about it. Into the vortex old man!”

“Fine!” He shouted back. “But give me the math so I don’t end up looking like Tiger Beat over there!”

“You stand next to the vortex then I’ll tell ya,” Younger looking Five replied. “Go!”

Older Five stumbled near it and stopped a good distance away.

“Closer,” I motioned, losing my patience with the old bastered. 

“This is close enough!” He shouted back and I rolled my eyes. “Now give it to me!” 

Younger looking Five looked back towards me and Luther and we nodded at him.

“It was a typo,” Five finally said. 

“Typo?” Older looking Five asked.

“We put the decimal in the wrong spot,” Younger looking Five explained. I zoned out a bit because he then started to spill out some sciency stuff I didn’t care about.

“I guess this is it,” Older looking Five concluded. Finally.

“This is it,” Younger looking Five smiled in frustration. “Go.”

“See you again in the future,” I smiled nicely, hoping to ease his nerves. Then I got hit in the head with a fire extinguisher knocking me to the ground. The two Five’s then started to struggle with the briefcase and Luther had no clue what to do. What a dumbass. I tried to sit up but dots scattered across my vision.

“Five,” Luther spoke up pointing at the vortex. “It’s shrinking!” He ended up kicking older looking Five through the vortex and the briefcase was split in half. This entire shit show for nothing. “We did it!” Luther said amazed.

“The briefcase you idiot,” I managed to moan out. Five walked over to me and lifted me up gently. I stood up and held my head, feeling dizzy. He let me lean on him and we walked towards the fence to watch Kennedy. 

“Uh oh,” Luther said as we saw Diego running towards were their father stood. 

“Ah shit,” Five muttered.

“Diego,” I chuckled to the best of my ability. 

Diego tackled what appeared to be a frail old man to the ground. Then Kennedy got shot anyways. 

What a day.

[corvidcantina]

Reaction image that's the Seven Stages of Paradox Psychosis from TUA except it's just Five with "7: Homicidal rage" in glowing red letters