#Trying to support my family rn
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I made a notebook and it got accepted to sell on amazon 🙌🎉
If you could take a look it would mean alot to me, im trying to support my family
Thank you ❤️
Amazon America link:
Amazon Asia link:
#please reblog#amazon products#small creator#Trying to support my family rn#notebook#journal#Best notebook for school#Best notebook for work#Gift ideas#christmas gift ideas
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Like yeah. We're fucked. But the sky is marbled and huge and blue-gold-white and the raven pair in my neighborhood fly together and an absolute sweetheart of a pitbull said hi to me on my walk home and idk. Something something love will still be here, love will prevail, etc. If people led fufilling lives during the fall of the roman empire we can do the same, right?
#Idk. Not trying to discredit the fear and anxiety because by god im feeling it too#But trying to stay positive bc w/o that idk if i can make it#Im in no position to move a lot of my family are trump supporters#cue rambles#Going to just hope I can still vote in 4 years and help fix things#In the meantime. I've been thinking about doing more community service because honestly building community rn sounds great#Hate hate hate the warm weather in november but at least I can start asking around for community garden sign-ups#It will be okay there will still be cats to feed and birds to fly and skies to watch and gardens to plant#Sigh
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Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊
#my best friend no less#i cried about this shit practically all afternoon but i'm all out of tears and now i'm just pissed off.#this shit has been going on for a long ass time but i've finally reached my breaking point with it#i love her#but she is delusional#and it kills me to say that#but that whole “relationship” (if you even want to call it that) is fake. all he cares about is money not her#the worst part is that she knows it too#oh but she “loves him” and “wants to give him one last chance” girl what the fuck?#oh but better yet he dumped her once 2 years ago already and i've hated his punk ass since#never should've gotten back tother after that and i told her as much even back then#all he does is make her cry#not do anything arount their town house#and sit on his ass and watch tv or sleep when he's not working#that's the tame stuff too i could say sooo much worse but i'm actually not trying to air her dirty laundry out her#i'm just pissed off#but suddenly IM the bad guy when tell her i won't support her or this “relationship” when she told me they were getting back together today#this is after i helped her and her parents ans brother move all her stuff out of the town house last Monday and back to her parents place#after she told me they were done for good#but IM the bad guy for bringing up all of fhe reasons listed above and all of the REALLY bad things about the relationship#when i tell her i won't be supporting her any longer and that i'll be walking away if she goes back to him#best part is her family agrees with me and they tell her all the things i say about him and then some#but when i go out on the line and put my heart down on the table for her and all i get back is a text saying:#“i don't really like how you're texting right now so we'll talk about this later.”#girl#i don't know whether or not i want to cry harder or strangle her#i think it's both#so yeah i think i just lost my best friend to a guy who doesn't remotly deserve her and everything kicks rocks rn#it's just like my other friend all over again#why do my friend have such dog shit taste in men
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tomorrow is my first day of classes as I go back to school for the first time in eight years and my family has picked today to blow up at each other and drag me into it
#VERY long story short#after my Papa died my dad buying the house out from my mom became a real possibility again#so all of us slowed down on the house sale stuff#and that included me shifting my focus from packing and looking for a place to getting ready to start school#but as of about two and a half hours ago my father is again freaking the fuck out#and saying we need to have the house ready to go on the market in seven fucking days#bc my mom has asked for a downpayment which he says he can’t afford#(when I asked him how much she was asking for he said he didn’t know. so it’s less ‘can’t’ and more ‘doesn’t want to’ but whatever)#anyway I asked him to ask bc if it comes down to it I would prefer to loan my dad the money for the downpayment#bc in exchange I get stability while I go back to school and the money I lose in interest would just be going to increased rent anyway#so now I get a text from my mother saying ‘do not give your father money for the downpayment’#and I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive of them both without it seeming like I’m ‘taking sides’#but I kind of snapped and said ‘I love you but don’t tell me what to do. I’m not doing this to ‘bail dad out’’#‘I’m doing this bc it’s the best option for me right now.’#and now she’s not responding to me#I fucking hate this#she needs the money. I need a stable place to live. let me loan him the money so YOU have the money mom!#I know you’re worried he won’t pay me back bc he’s proven to be less than honest with his finances in the past but also.#I’m his only kid. not to be macabre but I’ll be getting it back eventually one way or another unless he somehow writes me out of his will.#just fuckin. I’m supposed to be reading through my syllabuses and figuring out bullshit websites for school rn.#I don’t want to be dealing with family drama and impending homelessness rn pls chill#personal
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I know I post about Hanna all the time but platonic love is so important and I seriously am so thankful for her and I just love how wholesome our hangouts are😭😭 today we were swimming in the ocean and we kept talking about how much fun we were having and how it felt like we were kids again because we literally just didn’t care about anything else, we were just diving under waves like mermaids and living our best lives with no cares in the world lollll
but Hanna is literally my soul sister and I love her so much aw!
and it’s funny because when she tripped and sprained her ankle at work like 2 years ago her boyfriend Peyton came and showed up and I’m like Omf Peyton is that you and it was and he literally dated my sister when I was in middle school and knew him from church and youth group etc but now we’re also besties but Peyton and I call each other sistersss because we literally fight like sisters but we love each other too lol and Hanna trained my ex boyfriend at her old job and she was telling me stories how he would always have his friend group and his girlfriend come in and it was ME lol it’s just a small world mannn but also totally a sign Hanna was meant to be my best friend huh
#feeling really sappy rn#but literally we have the best friendship and we support each other so much and push each other to grow and it’s just so wholesome man#just a little sleepy and stoned 😌#my two besties😭#but also Peyton is literally an older brother to me but also my sister!#pushed me down and under a wave today to try to drown me but would also beat a bitch up if anyone hurt me!#ok no more sappy thankfulness for my non family family 😭❤️
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had a slightly concerning conversation with my little brother yesterday ... I worry for that kid, but man, I don't know how to help him
#[static]#started with finding out he wants to get a 'chr*stian sleeve' tattoo ... from a kid who used to actively dislike religion#and then ended with him talking about how the only way he has worth as a man is to support a family ... oh Dear#and he was vehemently denying he struggles with mental health. like bro ... you're going down a bad path#he's ... never had the strongest character judgement skills and is easily swayed by people around him and a lot of the people around-#-him in school are from rich cons*rvative families#im worried about him putting all his worth into his ability to make money ... that's not the way to go especially rn#and considering how violent and hateful american christianity is makes me kinda sick to my stomach to think he might be getting advice from#- people who would want people like me dead lmao#all i can do is try and be apart of his life and hope he picks humanity over hate ya know#i also wonder if his new girlfriend is apart of this change. whenever he gets a new partner his personality totally shifts
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living in a house with people who don't understand physical limitations due to health and are also judgemental as hell like should i just kill myself
#i HATE the whole 'oh if i died rn youd feel so guilty :((' mindset#but also? true as fuck sometimes#you Would feel guilty for not trying to understand and constantly insulting me andandand#and like yes its a guilt trip but sometimes people need to think about that#they need to think about how their actions and words affect others#they need to think about how they can affect peoples lives in negativw ways and directly be the cause of pain#like genuinely fuck you#i mean that from the deepest part of my heart FUCK you and i really really hope your child doesnt hate you when she's older#i hope you dont do anything that would make her hate you#cause how you treat me? your family? says enough. and i really hope you dont treat her the same way#but if that day ever comes i promise i will always be there for her to support her in whatever way you dont want to#fuck you#anyway.#who wants to give me money so i can move out of this abusive household ahaha youre so sexy ahaha
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i think it’s crazy how often an adult cartoon will get popular and then jewish people will point out that it’s antisemitic and like every time i think “oh it must be kind of subtle for this many people to not notice” and then it’s the most overt in-your-face “the writer of this plot point believes in the illuminati” shit
#this is abt that show that got popular recently uhhhhhh… inside job i think it’s called?#i was considering getting into it#bc it seemed interesting#and then one day on tumblr i see a post like ‘how are ppl supporting smth so blatantly antisemitic’#so i kept reading like oh fuck really?#and then i see a screenshot of the show. rich lizard people who i can infer run the world#like shit that’s not even subtle!!#it also happened with that harley quinn show iirc#i think it had like…. a greedy greasy curly-haired bank teller or smth? never watched it so it’s hard to remember#n you don’t even need to MENTION shit like family guy they don’t even try to hide it#anyways. point is this is a trend i do not like#why r there so many antisemites in the adult animation industry#i want them out please. i don’t want to potentially work with people like that#and i don’t want them making media if they’re gonna fill it with barely-disguised bigotry#‘s fucking disgusting#update i did some looking at opinions#and it seems that the inside job one is supposedly meant to be MAKING FUN of that conspiracy thought#but apparently doesn’t ever really do much of the making fun :/#so. it’s kinda being debated rn#still though my point srands overall#making this post unrebloggable bc i didn’t know enough abt what i was talking about#but also i don’t want to delete it and hide my mistakes#classic case of good intentions not enough knowledge
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a fun realization I had last night is that I have neither an actual family nor a found family
#whimsy whispers#this isn’t said to discredit the friends who do love me and make me feel wanted I love and cherish y’all#but like one or maybe two people isn’t a family or a support group it’s jsut a few people who happen to care for me somehow#and while I do feel like I have a secure place in yalls lives (mainly because again some of y’all are so damn persistent) it’s not the same#as feeling like entirely secure of my place in everyone’s lives#o can count on one hand the amount of people I genuinely feel like I’m wanted by and secure with which is just abdnfnt mega sad for me#idk how to cope with the fact that irl and online no relationship I have i secure no situation I’m in is secure#as I’ve said before it’s so easy for people to toss me aside without a second thought it’s happened before it’ll happen again it’s happening#rn and there’s very little to be done about it and I’m honestly too tired to keep trying to do anything about it anymore
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my parents keep having these conversations about money and it's putting such a unnecessary pressure on me oh my god
#specially right now that I'm freaking out about a job AND career transition#and I'm pretty much piss broke#like dude. THAT'S the time you choose to say I need to pay house bills?#I'm sorry but just... no dude#not while my sister is out here buying 600 bucks boots and I can't even afford new jeana#*jeans#because I bought my mom a new phone that she seems to completely forget about every time she brings up money stuff#like. I'm not trying to rub it on her face but it WOULD be nice of them consider that I'm still paying for her phone#and that's one of the reasons I'm broke rn#they're just so ungrateful#and they're acting like I'm such a leech right now. when I needed their support the most#since I'm planning on being unemployed for a couple of months before the flight attendant job offer comes#it's just... I feel like I'm getting zero support right now#like. from everyone. from friends to family#I know the world doesn't revolve around me don't get me wrong#I just wish they all didn't pick THE worst moment of my life possible to act this way#rambles*
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ughhhhjajsjajahshdhdhdb
#im. no thoughts head empty#when the burnout is bad enougj i dont have the energy to play rhythm games..#or talk. or. think. i was meant to do Things today but atp im glad i got sick for some reason so i can get away with doing absolutely#nothing… i wish i could just. go a day without having to talk to people. like. speaking words talk to people.#is saying stuff usually so. weird? draining? idfk. i wish i had the confidence to just say to my family like.#“ive got no energy rn can i not talk” because for all the support its never really the same as if they understood#you havent done your assignment? wdym you “cant” you just have to try harder#youre zoning out a lot is this because youre on your phone too much? why arent you talking#is something wrong? are you feeling sick? dont be sarcastic with me#because you “know” what youre doing#i do not in fact know. i physically cannot make myself do your damn assignment. i dont know why im zoning out. it isnt because of the phone#im not talking because sometimes i just cant find words and it all feels wrong. sorry that you “dont understand me” and im “being a pain”#god this was not meant to turn into a vent im just. tired. i want a hug :(#or someone who actually understands who im brave enough to talk to about this.. ugh fuck.#tw vent#migjt delete..
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poll deleted bc i wanted biryani and screw it, if i'm gonna be unemployed and without prospects soon, i'm at least going to eat naan.
#in a convo with the colleague where she's trying to be Positive#and honestly it is not helping#like. i get that she's trying.#but being told i will get employed.#when i've been getting consistent rejections from non-ac jobs#(except for ones that will physically f*ck me up)#and that i'm privileged bc i have a ''support system''#which rn is primarily unemployed ppl and my very much working-class family#is just. not making me feel better.#like sorry but my parents are not in a position to support me#and i feel like it's deeply unfair to ask friends to support me while i'm between jobs#like unless Amy from IT needs a wife tomorrow i'm kind of stuck
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i need a browser plugin like that shinigami eyes one except instead of terfs it points out "endo safe" blogs and stuff on tumblr. or even just fully hides their posts for me. im not kidding
pro/endos dont touch this post im hissing at you like a cat rn
#thats partly why we're considering stepping away from this blog#we get too upset about seeing these kinds of blogs all the time so its easier to just avoid system spaces entirely at this point#also like#that new thing where half of the did/osdd/etc systems on here try to dictate everyone else's recovery#while the other half keeps insisting that these are common disorders#is really really annoying#no DID isnt common even if cdd's are potentially more common than ocd. bc ocd isnt common its just well-known and not so covert#no i'm not going to stop referring to my alters as separate people and to our system as a family. i've had four therapists support this now#these so-called communities feel really hostile and are constantly spreading misinfo#didnt really intend to rant rn but. yeah. hopefully we'll stop touching this blog soon#our posts
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you know what's kinda sad... i can't think of the last time someone took care of me when i was sick. two years ago i got covid and after a week of illness i had no food in my house so my family dropped a grocery bag off at my apartment complex, but that's it. maybe back around 2014? jesus.
#i never really thought of this til now#and this is NOT a resentful post but im thinking about how one of my partners is also sick#and our other partner is there to take care of them. whenever one of them gets sick they help one another#i live an hour away from them these days so i get why they arent trying to help at all now#but it still hurts a little. especially since im living with family right now and not a single person has tried to help at all#and i cant fucking ask for help. i got yelled at yesterday for asking for emotional support#id rather die than ask for help now.#but i feel terrible. truly terrible#and i NEED to feel better because i actually have super fun pride events this weekend#i really want to go to#but im so feverish i keep fogging up my glasses#and i tried eating a cheese stick rn and it made me nauseous#ive been able to eat bananas but literally nothing else#im just upset a bit.#tree talks
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Am caught in a death spiral my lieges. I don't feel entitled to anyone's time, effort or resources but I feel so beat down. I am disabled, I am working so much I genuinely developed a hunched back. I am alone responsible for my autistic sister, her parentified sibling, and my two parents who are disabled with extremely limited movement. I have three jobs. I can't ask for help on twitter because people I work for follow me there. My work requires me to draw every day, without a day off, ever. I have a "morality clause" which means if I or the author I work with are deemed to be acting in any way the company thinks inappropriate, we are immediately fired and would have to return every single cent we have made. I feel at my wits end. My employers are american- but I am not. I live in the global south- government assistance in the Philippines is *nonexistent*
Last week I asked for help to pay for electricity. The other week I asked for help with my sister who had to be rushed to the ER.
I doxxed myself and posted medical info to this blog, so many strangers know my address, my legal name, everything just for me to be able to seek mutual aid- Wallah I do not want to be this person, but if anyone could please, pick up a print from my inprnt, or subscribe to my patreon, I already have 300+ drawings up there and I upload thrice to four times a month, or if you could send direct tips it would make a world's difference. I will try to open commissions next week but as the world is being plunged into wherever it is we are headed, it's getting harder and harder to get clients.
Currently myself dealing with housing insecurity- we only have a year or two to fix our traditional filipino house as it is falling apart due to the philippine storms and termites- *please* help me and my disabled family of three. I feel I am rambling now bc there's so much on my mind, on my plate, I've asked friends and my partner for help, my sister and my cousins and my friends are all I have. My mom's side of the family cannot help as they are all extremely poor themselves, and my paternal side of the family have emotionally abused me and have members that committed routine csa on me. I do not take any of the help I receive here for granted, and I'm sorry. Reblogs are off as I am asking for help from followers as I feel very ashamed / embarrassed/ humiliated to still be stuck in this dark place . Sorry and thank you again
Inprnt is having a sale rn, everything is like at 40% off!
And my tipping jars:
Sorry and thank you again. If you can't donate or purchase its OK, just please please please include me in your prayers, make mi shebeirach for my health so I csn continue to work, or any prayers at all for me. Thank you
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max trevelyan... now we would not say he is doing "well"
#max 'helen of troy' trevelyan#guess who just did adamant followed IMMEDIATELY by the seekers mission... THIS GUY 😎#guy terrified of templars and seekers and the circle: hang on. something about the fear demon is getting to me rn#the tranquil cure is fucking him ALL the way up. genuinely if cassandra was not part of the inq i think he mightve said fuck all seekers#forever. never ask me for anything for them.#also doing the fade with solas is WILD he is so happy to be there it's like a little unsettling in a fun way#it was good for max bc he is The Liar Of All Time and agreeing along with solas about how cool everything was#was enough of a lie to make him feel a little more regular and normal. but my god this poor mage.#maker they're taking the mages you made to look cute and read and they're making them into murder machines#also i cant believe i'm saying it but i think one of the murder cousins is trying to seduce sebastian vael in the background of all of this#that letter you get after supporting aveline where it's like 'yeah seb gave up lol' is like... murder cousin catnip#this one is for you lay sister althea from the cumberland branch of the family. fuck him up i guess??
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