#i am not doing well

[edenfenixblogs]

I was having a rough night so I went to my favorite funny website IsMercuryInRetrograde.com

I’m not a huge believer in astrology, but the website only has two pages:

If it’s in retrograde it says yes, which feels weirdly validating.

If it’s not in retrograde it just says “No, something else must be bumming you out,” which always gives me a little chuckle.

Fun silly website. Yay.

Except this time

YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT.

The fact that unless I lock myself in a room with only pre-written or pre-recorded material that I’ve already read or watched and know is safe I CANNOT GO TWELVE FUCKING HOURS WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT THIS FUCKING WAR.

It’s killing me. There are no breaks. I open any website or social media app and it’s an immediate bombardment of info about the war. I go watch a YouTube video and then there’s a fundraiser at the end.

I flip through channels and see news about an antisemitic attack or a bombing in Gaza or Rafah.

I leave notifications on and get a text from a friend who sees a “rape is resistance” sticker on her walk home from school.

I go to look for pride merch and see watermelon merch mixed in as if war is some kind of gay accessory. I look through a fandom tag and see cartoon characters in a kids cartoon drawn with Palestinian flags.

It’s fucking endless. It’s insane. I just wanted a few days without having to think about all of it so I could recharge and I haven’t even been able to go a continuous 12 hour stretch without something or someone shoving the whole thing in my face.

It’s not healthy to live like this. I already have PTSD. And I’m trying with all my might not to retreat fully within myself but this is fucking killing me.

And I am someone who is pro peace and pro ceasefire and pro Palestinian welfare and anti-Likud but also anti-antisemitism. I do nothing but promote interfaith and intercultural organizations devoted to fostering peace. I want this war over.

And yet I’m fucking stuck in this perpetual hellhole of awful news and constant imagery about war and death and antisemitism and Palestinian suffering. And it’s too much. Why can’t I even go 12 hours. It’s killing me.

The fucking mercury in retrograde website‽ YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT AND ITS YOU.

[wnjunhui]

JUN for Esquire Fine (2024)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

That’s when I realized that my time with Jaehee, which I thought would last forever, was over. She had always stocked the fridge with blueberries. Remembered the names and faces of every man I’d slept with, been the external backup drive of my love life. smoking everywhere, meeting the most unsuitable men. Jaehee, who had taught me that every season is its own beautiful moment —that Jaehee didn’t live here anymore. [Love in the Big City by Sang Young Park]

[mediumgayitalian]

the three worst “it’s not a girl humming along to her fan it’s actually”:

1. will solace testing the acoustics of his newly empty cabin

2. clarisse la rue humming to calm silena down as her heart stopped

3. nico di angelo soothing himself to sleep in the hermes cabin, thinking of all the things he’s gonna tell his big sisters when she gets back

[arrowheadedbitch]

I can't stand it when people try to make people who like billionaire characters feel bad about it like LET ME FANTASIZE ABOUT A FUCKING BILLIONAIRE I CANT FUCKING AFFORD GROCERIES

[callsignspark]

lewis on the Atta Boy insta story | 10.12.23

[blackandwhiteflag]

[local-lover-boy]

I would throw myself off a roof if he said I'd look pretty doing it.

[seoftbear]

chewing on my sofa like a dog

[eldonchances]

"Life without emotions, imagine that! How boring it would be."

warren zevon - “keep me in your heart” // the script - “breakeven” // lucy dacus - “please stay” // the national - “the pull of you” // liana rădulescu // fleabag // the mountain goats - “woke up new” // frightened rabbit - “floating in the forth” // clementine von radics // a.a. milne // coldplay - “the scientist” // queens of the stone age - “i appear missing” // richard siken // jason isbell and the 400 unit - “if we were vampires” // the office // iron & wine - “passing afternoon” // carl sigman & herb magidson - “enjoy yourself (it’s later than you think)” // unknown // j.r.r. tolkien // jürgen klopp ❤️

[lemonsharks]

Please do not reblog.

It's been such a long time since something good happened to me or since I sought and achieved something good for myself.

This year I have been hired three times for positions that all fell through at the last minute. I've been targeted by scam job recruitment twice. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why it has to be this hard.

I'm never going to get to have a family. I'm never going to get to be in love again. I'm never going to live in a real standalone house again. I'm never going to get to meet all the people I desperately want to meet in real life.

I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired.

[babygirlgalitzine]

check on your ferrari x rwrb girlies

[flameunquenched]

cross your fingers for me, everyone. trying to get fmla leave to try and get my anxiety under control as well as to job hunt while still having my benefits and stuff.

[absolutelyzoned]

OH GOD OH FUCK I FORGOT THE CONTROLS

[frikatilhi]

Me last night

[cairoscene]

playing shadow of the erdtree: oh shit. OH FUCK. goddamn it. ooooooh beautiful. SUCK MY DICK!!!! oh god what now. THEY WERE INSANE FOR THIS!!!!!! i want to go home. wtf so pretty! WE ARE SO BACK. IT IS SO OVER. WE ARE SO BACK. I'M GOING TO DIE. I'VE GOT THIS. gottem. what's next? oh. oh......... oh. oh no.