#Truth be told? I think 2023 has been the single best year of my life

[thegreenleavesofspring]

.

So I discovered today, by virtue of our electric unceremoniously cutting off, that my husband has not paid the utility bill in - guessing from the amount owed - three or four months, without informing me or transferring it to my name.

In an example of truly Providential timing, I got paid today and had just enough to cover the arrears. Because he had not paid it and did not live here, they permitted me to close his account and open it in my own name if I paid his outstanding balance.

The rest of my bills are paid and we do not stand in dire need of anything that we must get before I next get paid. I am inconvenienced and annoyed and I'll admit, it was a rough couple of hours earlier, but overall -

I see God's fingerprints all over this.

You see, (I think I've mentioned this before,) I had prayed quite desperately, back in 2021, for liberation from my husband. Complete liberation. I was raised in the school of thought that said divorce was only for infidelity and anything else, including abuse, was a sin. But I was so desperate to be free, I was so unceasingly miserable and afraid.

This year has been quite hard in many ways. I have faced down plenty of challenges, financial and logistical and otherwise.

I do not relish a new bill to have to pay.

And yet.

Is this not the freedom and deliverance I have prayed for? Is God not giving me more control over my own life, freeing me from Dallas? I am no longer dependent on his mercy for my income. For my children's necessities. For internet and phone service. Now for utilities.

Every single time God has cut a tie holding me to my husband, the boat has rocked. I have freaked out (more or less, depending.) And yet - and yet - we have not capsized. He has held us in the palm of His hand. He has borne us through the storm.

How can I but trust Him?

[chronicallymargaret]

the beginning

One morning in February of 2012, my mom had knocked on the door to wake me for breakfast and I told her I didn’t feel well. She went and grabbed the thermometer and it read 102℉. There was a sickness going around the high school at the time, so she told me to take some meds and rest. The next morning, my mom woke me up again to check my temperature and it had barely gone down. I stayed home again and followed the same regime. After my fever finally broke, my body didn’t feel right. I thought maybe I was just overly tired from being sick or maybe it was just the cold medicine wearing off. Eventually, I got to the point where I really didn’t think about the pain because I didn’t want to worry anyone. The family wounds were still healing from losing my first best friend, my grandpa, six years prior to cancer. Plus, I never liked people worrying about me because I knew that no matter what, I would always be okay - or so I thought.

High school was hard enough - let alone having a medical condition that not a single doctor in the tri-state area knew a single thing about. I kept my symptoms away from my parents for a very long time. Eventually, like most parents, they caught on that something wasn’t right with their kid. In December of 2012 along came the typical parental questions: “Margaret, are you doing drugs?” “Come on, kid, just tell me what’s going on with ya.” “Kiley Mae. Sit your ass down and start talking.” And then the never ending conversations and tears started to flow. I explained that, no - I was not doing drugs (I really was quite innocent here, Ma and Pops. Only a couple of times, I swear.). I finally broke down to my parents and told them the truth: Ever since that February morning in 2012, I’ve had a headache and chronic pain nearly every day.

Next thing I knew, my mom started researching and researching and more researching. She tried countless times to get clinics/doctors/specialists - you name it, she called them - to even listen to her. She called Mayo Clinic nearly EVERY DAY - practically begging on her hands and knees to fit me in to be seen by someone, anyone. She was my voice because no doctor or person took me seriously. I was “craving attention, a drama queen, drug addict/seeker, hypochondriac, lazy, not good enough, problematic, selfish, waste of money, time, and space.) I watched my dad’s hair slowly turn more and more gray as he worried about whether he should go to work to make money for the never-ending medical bills or go with his wife and daughter to find out the answers. (I hate how corporate America works. Since when has money become more important than one’s health? It’s disgusting and I wish we could change the system.) I watched my sister lack the attention from my parents that she deserved because they were constantly worried about me. (I am in no way, shape, or form calling out my parents. They have ALWAYS done their best in EVERY situation and that is why I am so proud to call them my parents - my heroes.) My high school friends secretively raised money to buy me a miniature pet pig to try to help make me feel better - my parents appreciated the kind gesture but said no because I needed to focus on my health. (I WILL own a pet pig one day - Dallas has already approved.

I have had a majority of my POTS symptoms under control over the last 10 years, but 2023 really screwed up my body. Due to all of the trauma and stress from not only everyday life, but miscarriages, surgeries, and mental health episodes as well - my body has been in FULL overdrive. I've been struggling trying to keep my life going and trying to ignore my health because I don’t want to give in to the fact that my POTS is getting WORSE and not better like I had been telling myself - and everyone I know - since the day I was diagnosed in July of 2012. Back then - yes, this was a frickin’ decade ago .. totally gross, I know. [“POTS was only seen in approximately 500,000 Americans. (https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2012/0901/p392.html)."] Imagine being 15 years old and you're a literal drop in the ocean of people who have something medically rare. What in the frick are the odds of that?

Flash forward to now, February 2024, I have nearly every symptom back plus new ones. My chronic symptoms are headaches - different intensities and locations, lightheadedness and dizziness, severe brain fog - I try not to drive on these days as I typically forget everything, insomnia, anxiety (omg .. I said the BIG “A” word), and depression (oooopps, I did it again bahaha). My new symptoms are: chronic abdominal pain - intensity and location has varied over approximately three months now, dry heaving, hot and cold intolerance (I told my work mom’s I feel like I’m going through menopause with how many hot flashes I have .. they giggled and said “Ohhh Kiley Mae, you have no idea what you’re in for - this is hardly nothing.” Also, can we talk about how important work relationships are? I love my work moms and work family - I’m very blessed on that front.), and vomiting.

The news that I learned today was that due to the dry heaving and vomiting, I now have a large hiatal hernia - part of my stomach is on top of my diaphragm. I’m currently waiting for a call to schedule a barium swallow test and I have a referral in with the University of Nebraska Medicine with a POTS specialist. I personally believe that I’m going to have chronic headaches and abdominal migraines - but I’m holding onto a little bit of hope that the doctor I currently have is going to confirm that the abdominal discomfort is from the hernia, not POTS. I plan on keeping this updated regularly because after I figure out what’s going on with me - I want to share my path of life so no one has to go through the medical trauma that I have.

Medical trauma is a huge part of not only who I am as a person but talking about it is the therapy that I am working through right now. I will eventually spill all of the emotions, but for today I’m going to talk about today. Because today was a very good day and I deserve to celebrate it.

My parents have become “snowbirds” and fly to southern Texas for the winter. Unfortunately, my endoscope ended up being scheduled while they were gone. I told my parents they didn’t have to come back home because it was a simple procedure, and everything was going to be okay. (Yes, I’m 27 and still take my parents to certain medical appointments because I’ve been hurt - I’m working on it.). I don’t know if it’s because I finally did it by myself or if the staff was told to be extra careful with me or what - but I had the most relaxing experience ever. No one looked at me like I was weird when I stated that I had POTS and would need an extra bag of saline. The first anesthetist actually shared with me that she also was diagnosed with POTS. I immediately got a smile on my face and asked if she was kidding. Coming from a small town, not very many people understood what my diagnosis is and again - I’ve been used to being a single drop in the ocean.

The anesthetist made sure to mark my charts and inform the rest of the care team my condition, what to expect, and what I would need after I woke back up. Anesthesia tends to send me into a flare up - especially with cutting off food and water after midnight. Once I got taken into the operating room, my actual anesthetist started asking me questions about POTS. He stated that he had heard of it, but only until recently. I started to explain how long I’ve had it. Then I just started word vomiting because this was a whole new experience for me - how I just want some answers but I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything. I had already come to terms with the abdominal migraines starting. He looked at me in the sincerest way and said, “Wow. You’re a strong woman. You’ve been through a lot but you’re so cool about it.” That statement right there hit me. I realized in that moment that, holy shit, I’ve persevered. I’ve climbed a huge hurdle today and I can’t wait to keep climbing.

If you've read this long - just know that I see you and I love you.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

EVANESCENCE's 'Fallen' Album Certified Diamond In U.S.

On November 30, EVANESCENCE's "Fallen" album was certified diamond by the Recording Industry Association Of America (RIAA) for sales and streams of ten million units in the United States.

Led by the smash single "Bring Me To Life", which also appeared on the soundtrack to the movie "Daredevil", "Fallen" yielded three more singles with "Going Under", "My Immortal" and "Everybody's Fool". EVANESCENCE also won Grammys in 2004 for "Best New Artist" and "Best Hard Rock Performance".

Asked in a recent interview with Rock Sound if there are any plans for EVANESCENCE to commemorate "Fallen"'s 20th anniversary in 2023, singer Amy Lee said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I do have an idea. It's gonna take a little bit of work. But I think it probably won't be what everybody expects. I think everybody just is, 'Oh, why don't you do a show that's, like, [playing] the album front to back?' We've been playing so many shows, I would rather do something that, to me… I don't know. I don't wanna give it away, in case it doesn't work out. Maybe I'll do nothing. Expect nothing, and then if I do something, you'll be really, really grateful. [Laughs]"

Amy also talked about the fact that "Bring Me To Life" experienced a resurgence this past summer, 19 years after its original release. The song, which initially reached No. 5 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 and was EVANESCENCE's first U.K. No. 1 single, reached No. 1 on the U.S. iTunes chart in August.

"It is satisfying," Lee said about the track's renewed popularity. "And it's cool now, because I remember a lot of the feeling in the beginning. It was so much about, like, 'What's next?' And, 'Are we gonna be able to make it?' And, 'Are we gonna be able to survive?' And, 'Are people gonna listen to our next song?' And, 'What about the next record?' And just getting to the next place always.

"There is an element to a song like 'Bring Me To Life' that didn't exist before, which is this nostalgia," she explained. "The song has grown live. It's something that we've added to. But part of how it's grown is with its history and with what it means to everybody in the room. It's not something new; it's just something that you already have known for so long that has a place in your heart. It's just able to be more than it would have been then. So I, in a lot of ways, love it more than I did."

The success of "Fallen" led to turmoil within the group, as founding guitarist Ben Moody left in late 2003, leaving Lee as the only original member of the band.

Lee continued with new members, and EVANESCENCE issued "The Open Door" in 2006. While a hit, it did not equal the sales of "Fallen". Lee told The Pulse Of Radio at the time that she wasn't concerned about matching the previous album's success. "I just haven't ever looked at it that way," she said. "'Fallen' is a great record, but I don't think you can try to match the success of another body of work. I think that's only gonna frustrate you. And if, honestly if what you really care about is record sales and money, there's no way you're gonna make a great piece of art, because then you're just gonna get all confused and make something ingenuine."

This past February, EVANESCENCE's music video for "Bring Me To Life" — which featured guest vocals from Paul McCoy of 12 STONES — surpassed one billion views on YouTube. The Philipp Stölzl-directed clip, which was uploaded to YouTube in December of 2009, was filmed in Romania in January 2003. It features Lee in a night gown and barefoot, in her room, inside a tall building in the city at night. The rest of the band is playing on a higher floor of the building.

In March 2021, Lee told Alternative Press that EVANESCENCE's original record label Wind Up threatened not to release "Fallen" if she and her bandmates didn't add a male voice to lead single "Bring Me To Life" to make it more palatable for radio.

EVANESCENCE's latest album, "The Bitter Truth", arrived in March 2021 via BMG. It was EVANESCENCE's first album of original music in ten years.

[starwell-tarot]

It is my two year anniversary as a tarot reader! 🎉

I didn't want to make a big deal outta it but I have a tarot blog now so why not. 😂

Thank you so much to everyone who wished me happy anniversary 😁

Thank you @oraclekleo for being my mentor this entire time, too. Wouldn't be here without ya 😉

It's been two long years of perfecting my craft of being a therapy oriented tarot reader. Surely wasn't easy when there weren't many examples to follow, but I'm very happy I've stuck to my own colors.

So i was thinking to celebrate, I can do something fun! Re-do the same reading that I began my tarot journey with, and compare them.

I started with the past-present-future reading because three card spreads were said to be the easiest. The reading was completely messy, inexperienced, unconfident but oddly accurate in the moment. 😂

16/03/2021

My past - Page of Swords.

I used to be someone set on exploring different ideas and topics, seeking knowledge. I was prone to having lots of ideas with no follow-up plan, or that didn't achieve completion. I was looking for a way to express myself.

Present - Queen of Pentacles.

I am currently a person focused on taking care of others, (especially family matters). The queen is a level headed being, set on making things happen rather than wishing for them, and looking for upmost comfort. She is skilled in economics?

Future - 4 of Swords.

Now is not the time to take major decisions. I need to take a break and retreat from pressing problems, analyze my past accomplishments to regain power to face new challenges. I need to spend more relaxing time with myself.

I was very confused about my future back then (i still am tbh) and i desperately needed that break.

So now... Two years later, I tried again. And the cards served, hard. I was dizzy for half an hour trying to figure this out.

16/03/2023

Past - IV of swords, V of swords

Present - IX of Wands R, The Fool

Future - Ace of Cups

I think the main idea the cards were going off of is who i used to be socially. IV of Wands points to frugality, V points to loss and emptiness. Truth be told, I didn't share myself with others socially for a long time. I was pretty antisocial and stuck inside my own world, pushing people away so that I could focus more on being responsible and efficient in my personal life. Present wise, IX of Wands signals letting go of defensiveness and the Fool points to being lighthearted. I've learnt to be more easy-going, be more open towards new people and let go much easier if I don't find people to meet my expectations. I no longer care how I'm viewed by outsiders and it's not as scary to communicate anymore. I allow myself to have fun socially now. Future wise, Ace of Cups is of course a card of emotional abundance and exchange of endless love. I am meant to be loved and offer my love openly to the world.

Funny enough, the carda confused me this bad because there was a second topic in the cards. Mentality.

In terms of mentality, I grew up with a mentality of making the best out of what I had and lived with less than the bare minimum for a long time. My brain has been geared to always be in emergency mode and every single day was a fight to make sure everything was alright for everyone other than myself. I was harsh and mean to myself and always at my limit, but only blamed myself for not being good enough. Present wise, the cards say I'm aware of my mentality but I'm still not letting go of it. I need to learn to let go of this life and death caution, of this self judgement, of the need to make sure everything is perfect, but yet I find myself stuck in overthinking, in an inability to ask for help, in a self made prison. The fool wants to me to have fun and enjoy life without a plan, just try things out and live in the moment. Future wise, the ace of cups says I can reach self love and allow myself to be loved and spoiled. I can reach a point where I can help myself, I can ask for help, I can offer help to others, and I can input all of this love give and take in all the areas of my life - in a way that will feel truly satisfying, not just the bare bones of what one should receive. 😁

-------------

I can clearly tell I've grown as a tarot reader (and as a person) in these two years. The readings are much more complex and can even see into many topics at once! That's a great improvement. There's more confidence to my words, too, albeit I still get nervous sometimes when i do readings because I worry my readings won't actually be helpful to people. But I try to shake off the nervousness 😊

I don't know if this is gonna be read for anyone but thought it would be interesting to new readers, maybe. It does get better, I swear. I know it's overwhelming at first but once you practice enough, you'll learn to twist interpretations left and right until it all fits and feels right 😊

Anyways, time for cake! 🎂

[lamentschaft]

A moment to contemplate.

A rather special Sunday, 17th September 2023, 1.49 pm

Wait, before we begin, happy birthday, wife! Stay beloved…

Hi. This time I won’t talk about laments. I just would like to review what my family and I had extremely meticulously discussed in a brief yesterday while strolling around and getting some lunch outside. In a mall, to be precise. Shortly, as soon as I finished ordering the food, I very surprisingly got a chat from someone who is presumably more than just a friend. She has been one of the most respectable women I’ve ever known that could be more than just our own relatives. She’s just a college friend, but she is a true inspiration for me and my wife. Apart from what she’s been going through, she’s always done her best to raise her two children as best as she can. Like really! Sometimes, I was thinking that I wouldn’t have ever thought of living my life like hers quite successfully like she did. But, yeah, she made it way up to now and will progress for so many years later ahead. She’s just amazing, truly.

Speaking of the chat, she reminded me of what she’d said back then in June or July. I kind of forget it as it’s been long already. But, she told me that she’s going to AMERICA like TONIGHT! I mean, what? Yes, she’s saying it right. She told me that because maybe going to the USA is obviously everyone’s dream, including mine. And the moment I read that, it seems to all the way shiver up and down my spine. I suddenly thought that this is such an unbelievable truth and fact about people’s lives! in fact, she’s currently teaching at a school somewhere in South Tangerang and living in a modest life, but she’s just chosen by God to go way beyond every single human’s ever imagination. It’s so far away from here, and it’s just for those who are literally super rich. But she can jump over those complicated and long hurdles. What a real blessing!

After an around ten-minute video call or so, I took a moment to recall what I did to my life as I could step and stand on this heavenly island, as what most of them call, Bali. I mean, we indeed will never and ever find out how someone can reach their peak of life and when they’ll eventually touch that point with their grip. It’s just hard and spectacularly difficult to identify that ‘our moment’.

As a new dad with two kids for nearly two years now, I try to go deeper into how I am just like today and become someone people around me perceive. How I’m supposed to do to be someone I’m supposed to be tomorrow and so on. Especially, when I’m looking at my children, I’m thinking what I should do to make their lives be in God’s most beautiful plan ever. They live in prosperity yet modesty, hopefully and optimistically. Then, they can always stick to what they’re asked to live as a human, and how they’re always prevented from lives we never want them to have. I mean, in the end, it’s not all about us; nevertheless, it’s all about how we are ‘requesting’ a good life to God kindly; so that He permits and offers us all to live normally, happily and healthily according to His no-doubt perfect plan and protection. That’s all I hope. Once again, the kinder we’re to others, the easier it is for us to be offered that perfect life from Him, both in His world and later heaven.

At last, have a safe journey, Bue. Everything you’ve done to your parents, family and children has been paid off! You deserve to be happy as He always wants you to. Thank you for sharing this magnificent story of yours, in particular to me and wife. We’re so happy for you and your sister’s family. All is well. Just can’t wait to hear your extraordinary experiences there in the USA! See you on the Christmas Eve!

[imaginesoftheuniverse]

Not Enough Time to Say Goodbye (Endgame Spoilers)

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: You take Natasha’s place on Vormir.

Warnings: ANGST - massive angst, reader death, some fluff, MORE ANGST

Word Count: ~2300

October, 2009

It had been a long day, and it was even longer now that you were covering for your friend at work. Why did you even agree to it in the first place? It was the Friday night before Halloween, and all you wanted to do was go home, curl up in your bed, and watch some horrible romantic comedy on TV. 

“What can I get you?” you asked for the millionth time that night, eyeing the woman at the bar who was glancing down at her watch. She glanced over at you briefly before tapping her watch and then bringing her attention to you fully.

“I would love a drink, but I’m unfortunately the designated driver. So just a water, please.” She smiled at you, and you were used to everything people had thrown at you over the years, and even though her drink was already free, your heart still skipped a beat.

“Glad you’re looking out for your friends, at least. I see plenty of “designated drivers” who decide on one beer and then are downing shots half an hour later,” you said, feeling her gaze on you the entire time you got her her drink. It was unsettling, but not entirely unpleasant.

“Sounds about right. Listen, I’ve got something to deal with but...when do you get off?” You blinked, unsure of what she was asking. You knew what she was asking, but your brain refused to acknowledge it. She was gorgeous - hair cascading down her back that was as red as her lips, and eyes that showed years of pain and secrets but looked delighted all the same. Why would she even be interested in someone like you?

“I get off at two,” you said quietly, and she hummed, taking the glass you had given her and sliding off her stool.

“I’ll see you then.”

You stared down the cliff, narrowing your eyes as you noticed a few skulls and bones at the bottom of the abyss. You glanced back over towards the...ghost and realized the price of acquiring the stone, and Nebula’s words seem to echo all around you: “Don’t fall down.”

It seemed to you like a cruel joke, and you stayed silent as Clint and Natasha argued over who would take the dive. One person for the rest of the universe that was taken...not a bad price to pay. This wasn’t what the three of you expected when coming here, and a part of you wished that Nebula had told the team more on what to expect, but you supposed she knew this would happen.

There would be more arguing, and the job wouldn’t get done like it needed to be because no one was willing to sacrifice the other for the stone.

“I’ll do it,” you said quietly, and Natasha whipped her head over towards you so fast you swore she might have whiplash.

“No, it’s out of the question. It’s gonna be me - Clint has a family and I’ve...I’ve already done everything that I’ve needed to do with my life. You are gonna go back and help undo what Thanos did. End of story, (Y/N),” Natasha explained, and you shook your head.

“You have an actual lead to your past now, Nat. I’ve got nothing waiting for me if you’re gone and I... It’s gotta be me, Nat, it’s gotta.”

May, 2011

“What is that you wanted to tell me?” You and Nat were at your apartment, finally together again after she had been gone for weeks due to her job. She had only explained to you briefly - and vaguely - what it was that she did for a living. She said it involved a lot of traveling, and most of what she did was for to better mankind, but that was all the information she would give you on the subject.

“I...I wanted to finally tell you what it is I do, now that I’ve gotten a more stable path ahead of me.” The first rule of the game was to never tell civilians who you are, but Nat found it hard not to tell you. She had trusted you the minute she walked into that bar for her next hit. Lying to you felt extremely wrong and she just wanted...

“You’re in business, aren’t you?” She shook her head, chewing the inside of her cheek.

“Not...exactly. What I’m about to tell you is something you can never tell anyone, all right? I’m putting all of my trust into you when I tell you this.” You frowned, growing a little concerned.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone. Nat, what’s going on?” 

“You won’t...you won’t think any differently of me, will you?” She felt like she was buying herself time now, wanting to tell you but not at the same time.

“Whatever it is, Natasha, I can handle it, and nothing you say can change the way I feel about you.” You reached out and placed a hand on her cheek, and she leaned into your touch before taking in a breath.

“I’m an international spy, (Y/N), and I work for SHIELD. Before that, I...I worked for the KGB. I’ve done a lot that I’m not proud of, and I’ve killed a lot of people, some good, and some bad. I understand if you want nothing to do with me now but I...I had to tell you. I’ve never trusted someone so easily in my life and -,”

“Nat,” you said softly, forcing her to look you in the eye, “nothing can change the way I feel about you, and I love you even more for trusting me.”

“You weren’t even supposed to be involved in this,” Natasha whispered, head in her hands as you sat down next to her. Clint was attempting conversation with the red guy, giving the two of you the time you needed. It wouldn’t be enough, but when was there ever enough time?

“Blame Fury, then. He’s the one who recruited me,” you joked, and she chuckled dryly, wiping at her eyes.

“You know, sometimes I think it’d be better if we never met, or if I had never spoke to you in the first place. You would’ve never been thrust into this world and you’d be safe.” You sighed, staring down at the ground before reaching out and grasping her hand.

“I could’ve told Fury no, you know. He was just curious to see how I’d work out. I handle you on a daily basis, so he figured there must be something useful about me. I could’ve said no, Nat. But I said yes, and I went through the training, I went through the workouts and missions and everything, because it was a chance to get to actually know your world, to get to know you just a little better. So please don’t blame yourself for this. I wanted this, Nat, and I don’t regret a single second of it.”

November, 2014

“I don’t know why you didn’t want to go to Clint’s - I think it would’ve been nice to spend Thanksgiving with others this year,” you said, wrinkling your nose as Nat took the turkey out of the oven and practically threw it on the counter. Was half of it supposed to be black?

“Maybe, but I wanted to do something nice since I am home for a holiday for once, but I forgot one crucial detail: I can’t cook.” Nat frowned at her horribly made Turkey, and you were just lucky you had made a run to Costco two days prior and gotten everything you needed.

“I appreciate the thought, Nat, and thankfully, I knew this would happen. I am very thankful Costco sells everything you need for Thanksgiving.” She chuckled, watching as you went to the fridge and pulled out various boxes and containers.

“What would I do without you?” she mused, coming up behind you and wrapping her arms around you from behind. She pressed her lips to the side of your neck, and you hummed, smiling.

“Oh, I don’t know, crash and burn?”

“I know you’re gonna try and stop me, Nat, so please don’t. Just let me do this, please. Live your life, Nat, find out the truth to your parents, do everything you never got to do before now. Never forget how much I love you, either. Live the rest of your life without fear.” Nat was crying now. She was always so reserved, always hiding her feelings behind a brave face. It’s what she was taught to do.

But now? Time changes people, and she could no longer hide her face anymore when she was finally feeling. She was sniffling, she was hiccuping, she was furiously wiping at her face as the tears kept falling - she was breaking down right before your eyes, and it killed you inside. But the choice was clear. It had to be you.

“Please, (Y/N), don’t do this. I can do it, just -,”

“I love you, Nat. Never forget that, please.” You held her face in your hands and leaned forward, placing your lips gently against hers. It was a bittersweet kiss, mingled with the taste of salty tears and the tiniest feeling of despair. It’d be your last, but you were content with it. Both of you could feel each other, could feel how much you loved one another. You pulled away and stayed for a moment, foreheads pressed against one another and neither of you wanting to let go.

But you did. You let go and then glanced over at Clint. He was crying, too. When you two had met, he hadn’t liked you. He felt like you created a rift between him and Nat, but when you were finally recruited and went on a mission with them, you took a bullet in the lungs for Nat, and he had respected you ever since. You two had grown close over the years, and now he was losing someone else all over again, and having to see his best friend breaking because of it.

He made his way over towards the two of you nonetheless, and as you stepped away from Nat, he held her back. He had seen her hands moving, ready to stop you, and the two of you made a silent agreement for him to stop her if she did just that.

“Clint, no! Let me go! I’ve got to - (Y/N)! Please!” You gave one last smile to Nat, tears falling freely down your cheeks, and then you took a final step back. Clint let Nat go a few seconds later, and she ran to the edge, peering over and then recoiling as she saw your twisted body, a dark pool of red underneath you. She curled up into a ball, sobbing before a flash brought her to a warm plane.

She was surrounded by water, and after a moment, she felt something in her hand. She opened it to reveal the Soul Stone in her palm, and she let out a shout, clenching her fist around it as she doubled over.

2023, before the Quantum Realm

“You know, I was thinking,” you said, strapping on your thigh holster as Nat adjusted her Widow’s Bites.

“Thinking about what exactly?” she asked, glancing over at you.

“Once this is all over, a lot of families will be back together, but there will still be those out there without families, specifically kids. I was thinking it’d be nice if we...adopted one or two.” Natasha stopped, startled by your proposal. She had told you a while ago that she was unable to have kids, and you had never brought it up again so she figured you were fine with not having any. She was never fully comfortable with the idea that she’d never have any, but Natasha wasn’t one to bring up serious conversation unless absolutely necessary.

“I...”

“Obviously not right away, but in the near future. Things like this make you think, you know? And the thought of kids never really occurred to me until I saw Tony and I got to thinking and...it’d be nice. So why not give a kid a chance at having a family, too?” Natasha’s heart was pounding, and after a moment, she felt like she had fallen in love with you all over again.

“(Y/N), I think that’s the best idea you’ve ever had,” she said, and you laughed, pulling on your last glove before approaching her.

“Wanna hear an even better idea?” you asked, throwing your arms around her neck.

“I really don’t know how you could top that one.” You scoffed before giving her a serious look, running your thumb across her cheek.

“I think I can, Romanoff. Before we adopt - or after, whatever you prefer - I think it’d be nice to tie the knot, you know? Make things even more official than they already are.” Marriage had always terrified Natasha, but the longer the two of you stayed together, the more she had considered it. She loved you, you loved her - you wanted to have kids with her, wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, married or not. If you wanted that, then she was eagerly for it.

“(Y/N), have I told you lately how much I love you lately?” You grinned, pressing your forehead against hers as she giggled. Natasha Romanoff - honest to God giggling. 

The end of the universe had already happened. One last-ditch effort was being made to bring the universe back to its former self. There was no guarantee that anyone was going to come back alive, but if there was any higher-being out there in this messed up place, Natasha was glad to have you by her side, no matter how long that would be.

[torentialtribute]

Spurs ace Son Heung-min putting his love life on hold for football 

Son Heung-min reveals that his father made him the four hours of keepy-uppies, the Spurs-star explains why he puts his life on hold for

Son Heung -Min & # 39; s father was a professional footballer in South Korea

Spurs star says Son Woong-jung ever stops him for four hours

Son is currently single and waits for dreams about family life until after football

Robert Summerscales for Mailonline

Published: 10:58 GMT, 9 March 2019 | Updated: 10:58 GMT, 9 March 2019

Tottenham & # 39; s South Korean star Son Heung-min has provided insight into the devotion to football that has helped him reach the top level and how he intends to stay there as long as possible. has been voted the best footballer in Asia by Titan Sports in four of the last five years and is the main talisman of his country, with 23 goals in 72 senior appearances, as well as with [goldfrom South Korea to a gold medal on the Asian games

He is one of the most likeable players of Tottenham and often resembles someone with a very relaxed and carefree attitude, but the truth is that there are very few footballers who dedicate themselves to their profession.

Son Heung-min may seem like a carefree character but he is incredibly devoted

Speaking with The Guardian former professional football player Son Woong-jung, played in his sporting development as a child.

Son recalls a story from when he was 10 years old and said: & # 39; He gave us of keepy-uppies. Both. After about three hours I saw three balls. The floor was red (through bloodshot eyes). I was so tired. And he was so angry. I think this was the best story and we are still talking about it when we are all together. Four o'clock to keep the ball on and you will not let it fall. That's hard, right?

& # 39; It is admitted that it was not four consecutive hours of keepy-uppies, but he told another story to emphasize how severe his father was when he came to football. When I was 10 or 12, I came in to coach my school team and we trained, 15 or 20 players, & # 39; explained Son. & # 39; The program was for all of us to keep the balls for 40 minutes. When someone dropped the ball, my father said nothing.

& # 39; The players understood it because I was his son and, yes, it was heavy. But if you think about it, this was the right way.

Son is now in his fourth season at Tottenham and seems to have a very happy relationship with the club.

He has a contract until 2023, but when it comes to relationships of a more romantic nature, the 26-year-old plans are to wait before they make the decision. has previously been connected with the Korean pop stars Bang Min-ah and Yoo So-young, but is currently single-added: "My father says this and I agree with that.

& # 39; I want to make sure that football, while playing at the highest level, is number one. You do not know how long you can play at the highest level. When you retire, or when you are 33 or 34, you can still have a long life with your family.

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