#Truly an experience I'll never forget <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sysig]

2024 Purge (Part 3)

A whole Three-Parter for 2024! Damned very completely took over my brain and I made so many many doodles about it haha <3 Also ft. Helix and SCII generally, and a few other cursory Damned-style things :)

Little mini ZEX walk cycle from his Kissing Strangers meme ♥ He’s so cute, wobbling around on these weird new legs, not used to using these stiff arms to assist him back up!

Floorplans!! Of the Vyer Estate, I unfortunately don't know the layout/room configuration of estates or mansions very well haha, so I kinda just guessed at what kind of structure the house would have - I could've looked up blueprints, but the foyer is such a strong image in my head that every other room kind of fell off around it lol - though I still oscillate between seeing the stairs in the frontmost room or to the sides, hmm

Many many speculations, including the outer spaces, yard out front and in back, what all is within their fencing, if its built on a slab or foundation, if there's a crawlspace or cellar or full basement, ahh, so many possibilities! You can see in the left full-view I mistakenly put Dex's room on the first floor lol, both his and Max's room are explicitly described as being upstairs, on a separate floor from the kitchen. Very important! But where is the master bedroom...? The two on the right are kind-of both of the same thing; the platform at the top of the foyer double stairs, and the room beneath it that leads outside to the back garden - I moved the dining room around here and there, it would be nice to open up the back doors and have a dinner party able to go in and out I think :)

Going a bit more granular, made some temps for Max's room specifically - he hangs out there a lot, it's important! Even pulled out my grid paper for this one haha, fun to have an actual floorplan kind of look with tile-spaced everything! Very Sims, quite fun. I do like the idea of him having a window seat, but he's also described as standing in front of his windows so that probably wouldn't be the Only type he'd have hmm

On the topic of the Sims, I ended up making the three mockups in the Sims 2 as well! I do like this one - I was especially surprised that Max was even able to get to the bed! I thought the dresser would be in the way but no, it’s all walkable :D Very pleased. Not fully satisfied with the placement of his en suite tho, would it encroach into his room itself, or be tucked into a wall...? I kind of like that idea of that :0

The double bay windows is maybe a bit much, but I mean. Idle rich lol. At one point he’s looking out the window and then backs Dex up against a wall, but Which wall hmmm, must align room layout with seduction attempts, very important

Switching entirely over, you might remember the card I posted of Stanley, and the small mention of having made a matching card for the Narrator... I may have made significantly more than just that lol, I can't help it!! The Damned structure is wonderfully made, it invites creative speculation and idea generation at a nearly alarming rate! I commend the game builders for their craft. So I made a bunch of the faces I'd want to see at the institute lol, I love duos the most-most, so picking a pair from several of my favourite pieces of media was just ahh! Yes!

Apaultheosis and Emma seemed like a particularly fun match :D Would that make Paul his "real" counterpart...? I mean, it says Matthew right there lol, but would he just act like Paul? Would be doubly weird if Paul-proper showed up while the Apotheosis was out swanning around haha, Apaultheosis really seems like the right level of "belongs in an institute" to have a lot of fun with :) And if it's my immune-Emma AU in particular, Emma's already used to having to be around a bunch of weirdos haha

The LAC boys!!! ♥ Making everyone's little background was a lot of fun too - yellow for the TSPs, blue splotches for the Hatchetfield duo, little devil trappings for these two :D Such fun! It was also very fun to write up everyone's little personalities in simple phrasing, really break them all down to their core characterizations haha. Helps with not pushing them too far one way or another too! Would they do any given thing because [trait]? S'fun!

Weird Duo, the Watchers pulled from And the Universe Shifts - the explorations of villains having to put up being on the same side as/having to get along with heroes really makes for an interesting examination of how they'd go about doing that! These two are still absolutely insufferable, but they're also trying to escape! It's interesting :0 Also casual headcanon of how the institute would deal with enby/trans characters, possibly something I've had a lot of thoughts about lol

Last fanduo from the first batch - all of these were made over the course of like, two days, if that lol, I was very excited about this idea - I genuinely love how anime/JRPG characters are usually given fake names also in Japanese, it's very fun :D I only did so halfway for Nova's since she's only ever had the one kind of anglicized personal name, no family name - could she also be a kid from Jersey? Such mysteries haha. She also probably wouldn't have her hair clips during the day unfortunately :P But I couldn't resist drawing them, she's not her without them! The Watchers get their masks, give my girl her barrettes!

Back to Helix, more short-haired Max! I do like this one but I also thought the pose was silly so I held off on it haha, he looks cute with short hair! <biased towards Max generally

Another one that was too silly to put anywhere haha, ZEX being attacked by an invisible Kayako - Teisel is very confused at your inexplicable reactions, Admiral!

Normally I wouldn't post my studies, partially because they're mostly for my own benefit, to better understand how to draw a character, and also because I am usually very ❤️💕💖💞💗 in my commentary lol, as evidenced. I was excited to see him!! Especially in the institute uniform!!! <3 I'd doodled him a couple times as such but Seeing it, ahh <3 <3 So cute, wonderful ♪♫

Max! Another half-study, frog mouthed boy <3 Goofy floofy lad, love him <3

And another! This time of him being teary-mad, gosh he's adorable no matter what he's up to

Hehe <3 A particularly silly one in reaction to Dexter having arm-pinned him on the floor - how different certain things look in hindsight, through the lense of a crush, hm?

Talanaaaa ♪ In actuality she removed her shirt, but how cute would it have been to tie it up at her side instead ahhh

Lovestruck Zelnick, totally listening, mmhm <3

The silliness continues! Was thinking about the little pink bits at the end of VUX tendrils and how I've sometimes seen them speculated as also being little tongues? I'm still not sure what I think about it! It is good and potentially creepy I think, but would they taste? Would they be as dexterous? Hmmm, thoughts thoughts

A dandelion for the sunshine Captain <3

There he is! The sunniest boy of them all! Sweetest sweet lad ♥ Love him :)

Speculating ZEX plushie stuff still - going over the construction of his uniform, possibly as part of his body, possibly as something to dress him in so he can be fitted into other clothes as well :0 I'm still considering the tail slot, but probably only for uniform-as-body - otherwise, laying his tunic overtop his tail would probably be the easiest all the way around. I do like VUX with short tails too tho, hmm, how to make it visible... On the right are a few more detail ideas :D Different eye styles, what would be embroidered vs. sewn together etc. - I considered felt medals and badges, but I really think embroidery would have the prettiest result! Even my notes say so haha, that and where to put weighted pellets in place of fluffy stuffing :)

Speaking of plush 👀 Ahem

An alternate Strawberry Blond panel, ZEX pulling him up fully to look at him hhh I love him <3

And also touching him a bit, what is this feeling DAX is feeling! ZEX has some ideas :3c Though when doesn't he lol

More DAX expressions! Angy and owie, they do tend to go hand-in-hand, poor lad got well-knocked around and he still ended up the least injured of the three!

Rando icons, I can't help myself ♪ This uniform has its hooks in me, is it the ominous smiley face's bright yellow on boring grey, the contrast, the sameness?? I just like it! Was a fun small and simple thing to pull together :)

I actually started this set somewhat early on, speculating what DAX's MU scene might be, but never ended up with anything solid - since he wasn't there initially, it's hard to think of what would be a fitting torture for him, apart from what Was there i.e. having to watch what ZEX went through :( That does seem like it'd leave some pretty massive mental scars on him - always always always unable to save him in the moments where it really counts! :'0 But it doesn't do anything to his Body, and that's supposed to be the point of MU! I do still like many things here, DAX's offer of self-sacrifice being rejected and him being powerless to do anything else

And the way I used hashmarks to imply his eyes going fuzzy with them both open and the stress - looks like a pause symbol haha

Also a big fan of the little corner doodle being so cute and wholesome, the two of them excitedly circling each other, excited to see each other! I love-loved that so much in their meeting <3 <3

Then there was that one time DAX and DAX met, that was fun :) If only ZEX had shown up, then what would DAX do! Self-defense in a way hehe, that's one way of getting on the same side haha

The raw doodle that eventually became Get Out of the Way! For as sad a way as it was to go out - failing to be protected, the last of his allies, not even able to wield his own weapon effectively - it does still remind me of a silly quote. Those dogs were indeed very nasty!

A temp doodle of Dexter holding both Max's clothes and ZEX's uniform after his "discharge" (;;) from the institute, the only things he has left to hold onto 💔 So very little left of him :(

I at one point asked smol who she’d put in the institute for funsies and she picked Maison Talo, and so I tossed Apaultheosis at him - they do both consider humans as prey! Just, a bit differently lol. Would the Apotheosis even be able to convert a Realtor by their lure? Where does the goo need to be to start to take effect, many questions

Stanley Icons <3 It's only fitting that my first choice for a card gets his own set of reactions! Icons like these are actually really fun to make - pulling around from my doodles, slapping a bit of colour overtop, edits to screenshots (Stanley's "Dead" reaction is probably my favourite of those, I'm sure y'all can guess which ending I pulled from lol) - and it all has me tempted to make a few more...

Back to Just-SCII! More Baby VUX!! 💖 They're so cute!!! Just little guys, adorable <3 Casual clothing and PJs and having to tie one's sash back on haha, all those complicated loops and knots :)

Also some muscle/arm shape speculations of how VUX armtips might change based on what they're doing, the roundedness of recoiling is very funny to me haha

Obviously had to make these two's versions in TS2 as well, the most fun <3 “What brings you in today, Mr. Vargas?” “That’s doctor.” “Oh, sure, right.”

More of the Doctor meme! Poor DAX haha, certainly sick with Something ♪

I think the lyric is “three times a day”? But what three times a day, that's the real question lol. ZEX has his own suggestions hmm :) I do like their hug in the first one hehe, so cute <3

Totally all better! Definitely nothing would make his symptoms flare up again!

Poor DAX <3

Digitized Dr. Doran! He really is so tiny haha, it was fun using Wander's colour scheme, mostly filled out already! The institute's dress code for staff is a mystery; presumably some of the therapists wear medical/professional clothes, but then there's Stein who still has the screw in his head - surely they'd allow jeans, right? Or is that where they draw the line lol. Look it's fine, he's meant to be the Approachable Therapist, he gets special allowances, totallyyy

All two Locked In doodles that didn't make the cut but also have nowhere else to go lol - there’s a few dozen concept sketches that haven’t been written into complete scenes yet that I'd love to post as their own sets! At some point!! Poor Oz is so put out, and Leah's big goofy grin, very silly hehe - that one's just meant to show off her outfit! It's winter, no bare legs here!

As a bonus to make up for those being the only two doodles, here’s Ozzy and Thrax in TS2 failing to get along lol. Oz! You're not good enough friends for that yet! Will they get there someday? :3c

VUX snuggles <3 Love the them so very much ♥

This is one I really want to digitize to get them a little more cosplay-accurate, but I'd been going back through some nostalgic AMVs and had the sudden realization that KuroFai, being one of my fairly early/influential ships on my heart, and now they...

Fai even loses an eye, I jfdlskafdlhfdf

Finishing out with my last set of cards, I had to make the two leads from SAOA, truly a masterwork in abridging <3 They're just such fun characters! And it's not like they're not already used to being trapped somewhere that constantly risks their lives :'0 I love them, I swear! Good things for them!

[djarinova]

it's always so bizarre to me when people leave tumblr. literally any reason (besides the obvious, receiving hate/being bullied etc) never makes sense to me. wdym you don't feel drawn to this website like the moon is drawn to earth? wdym you don't treat this place like your own little diary to yap and post about little guys forever and ever? wdym you've outgrown a fandom and cannot use your blog anymore? bestie!!! wdym!!!!

anyways I'll be here until i die

[bluemoviegirl]

UNDER THE SAME SUN

joel miller x reader

summary: After a year of surviving alone in a brutal world, you finally find refuge in Jackson, Wyoming—but adjusting to community life proves just as challenging as the horrors outside. When you’re assigned to work with the town’s most gruff and unapproachable man (who happens to be really attractive, you'd never admit this though), Joel Miller, the two of you clash instantly. But as tensions rise and walls begin to crack, you realize there’s more beneath his hardened exterior and he sees sides of you he'd never expected—and maybe, just maybe, he’s exactly what you need to feel alive again.

wc: 4.1k

a/n: hii im rosa, really excited to share my first fic with you guys!! please comment what you thought of it. i'm still working on where i'll take the story so if you've got any cool ideas do let me know! <3

It’s about 20 years since the world fell. You’ve been through hell, as has everyone of course. After wandering alone for a year, you finally made it to Jackson, Wyoming—a place whispered about in rumors as a well-fortified, truly safe settlement. Survival had taken its toll, and after so much time alone, you’d grown accustomed to talking to yourself—or, at times, forgetting to speak altogether.

Now, two months in, adjusting to life among real people has been... an experience. The first month, you barely left your home, more focused on settling in than socializing. Not that anyone could tell—you hadn’t made the place feel like yours in any way. Your small one-bedroom apartment was as bare as the day you arrived, furnished only with the essentials. A functioning kitchen, a hot shower (which felt like the biggest luxury of all), a somewhat comfortable couch, and a simple king-sized bed with a closet across from it. It was enough.

Tommy Miller one of the community's leaders, came by to visit a few times the first month. Just checking in on you and bringing over things like soap and firewood. It was time for you to get out there and you knew it. Honestly you thought going to sleep every night would’ve been harder, with PTSD and all. But the bed was comfortable and you just snoozed away every night. That’s just nights though, during the day, when you were more alone with your thoughts, it became difficult. It's why you forced yourself to socialize with others. Else you’d get real bad anxiety doing just about anything. The thoughts of being back out in the infected world would come rushing in and you’d feel like you failed them all over again. That was in the past, why can’t you just forget about it? You tried to pick one of your old hobbies back up a week ago; drawing. But it didn’t last long before you started sketching the infected and that freaked you out so much you had thrown your notebook into the fireplace.

Today felt different, it was the end of November and it felt like another fresh start. You had made a couple of friends, which to your surprise, was something that actually came easily to you. So you decided to go to the bar. Not much for the drinks but for the vibe, all the people gathered together, laughing, chatting. It felt unreal it made you feel a joy you hadn’t felt in a while. So you came there often, quickly befriending the bartender, Knox. He was a big tough guy, probably around 60. His long beard had a thin braid in it which always made you wonder whether he braided it or if he had someone waiting for him at home. He didn’t speak much about himself though, always chatting away with everyone about anything and everything. Knox would sneak you an extra drink here and there if you laughed at his jokes hard enough.

You had felt a bit embarrassed going back to the Workshop to ask if they could get you a new sketchbook twice in the same week but you really wanted to get back into drawing. But now you were sat at the bar, slightly hunched over your sketchbook and you were doodling away. Nothing major or complete but at least the drawing was actually calming you a bit. A couple people had stopped by to chat with you and you soon felt as if you already belonged here. It wasn’t long until most of the bar stools were all occupied.

You’d noticed Tommy Miller taking a seat, two barstools from you. He was swirling his glass a bit, not looking particularly joyful but not too worrying. You contemplated making small talk but you were feeling like a social butterfly today.  “Hey, Tommy.” You said as you put down your pencil and closed your sketchbook. He looked up from his glass at you as he smiled. “Oh, hey! Didn’t see you there.” You shook your head, your hair had covered up your face from the side as it had fallen over your shoulder so of course he didn’t. You tucked your hair behind your ear and tugged a bit at your earlobe, a habit you always had when talking to people. Nervous tick you’ve done since you were little. You smiled back at him. “That’s okay. How are you and Maria?” When you just arrived at Jackson, you had taken a mental note that Tommy and Maria Miller were a married couple. They’re both community leaders and you thought it to be cute. Did they know each other before, or did they meet after? It gave you a sliver of hope that maybe things would work out like that for you too. Tommy’s eyes immediately light up a bit.

“We’re good, yeah. Real good. And you? I haven’t, uh, seen ya much around.” You felt a bit of a flush coming on your face, feeling a bit embarrassed with how anti-social you’d been for two months.

 “Yeah sorry- I was settling in. Getting used to all this-“

 You motioned to the place around you. He chuckled back at you.

“F’Course, it’s somethin’ to get used to, that’s damn sure.”  

We had a moment of silence, both not knowing what to say or whether we’d turn back to our own business.

 “I’ve heard good things about ya already. You must be leaving good impressions on people huh.”

He tells you, as he sips his beer.

“Oh, that’s good to hear. I mean, I try. Being alone for a year with no one to talk to, means I can barely stop yappin’ now that there’s actual people that’ll listen.” You chuckled before asking him a question.

 “I was actually wondering, when I could get started on a job here? I would really like to give back to the community.”

 You’ve been wanting to give back to the community since you arrived, feeling guilty eating their food, using their hot water when you’ve given nothing in return.

 “Oh yeah, we got plenty to do around here. It’s really your pick but, I don’t know if you’re handy but we could use your help on repair. We’re a man short-”

 “I’d love to help.”

 He looked you up and down, you didn’t really look like you’d be good with a hammer. Besides from maybe, smashing in an infected head.. But it couldn’t be that hard. Yes, you did look like the typical girl, you still wore your jewelry from before the apocalypse which consisted of 2 rings on each hand, a couple bracelets and a locket necklace that always hung around your neck, you weren’t particularly buff looking and people would probably peg you as a flowers and baking type but you didn’t mind living up to that stereotype. Before Tommy could continue the conversation, Tommy’s head turned to the entrance door.

“Speaking of things in need of a fixin’.” Tommy grinned as he watched his friend walk in.

The man stepped in with his broad shoulders and a steady, purposeful gait. His dark hair, was peppered with gray at the temples, and a scruffy beard covered his jaw. His eyes, a deep brown, scanned the room with a quiet intensity, as if constantly assessing everything around him. His worn jeans and flannel shirt were well-suited to the rugged life he'd lived, and his stance—confident but reserved—made it clear he wasn’t someone to be easily approached.

"Joel," Tommy greets him, and the man offers a curt nod in return. You watch as Tommy claps him on the back, and they share a brief conversation as the man takes the stool next to yours. His back is to you, he didn’t glance your way. Joel.

You go back to your sketchbook, feeling a bit dismissed. But then you hear Tommy mentioning your name to Joel. “You two met yet?” Tommy looks at me and back at Joel. You shook your head no as you reached out to shake Joel’s hand. He sure took his sweet time to turn and shake yours back. He glanced at you for a moment before looking back at Tommy, obviously wondering where Tommy’s going with this. You couldn’t deny it though, the man was attractive. Maybe a good bit older than you- wait, why are you even thinking about the age difference.. Maybe it’s been too long since you’ve actually seen a man that caught your eyes.

“I was just tellin’ her we needed another set of hands for repair. She said she’s up for it.” Tommy said to Joel. “M’fine doin’ it myself.” Joel said, shooting down Tommy’s idea. And yours as well, you were perfectly capable of helping with a repair. Tommy shook his head no, “I ain’t letting you go to the outpost by yourself. We have rules here, y’know that.” Joel seemed well familiar with the rules as he gave no emotion back besides a slight frown. Joel turned to you and glanced you up and down quickly, his eyes either lingering shortly on your chest, or the gold locket you had hanging around your neck.

“You sure you capable?”

“Yeah I-“

“Y’know how to use a rifle?”

The interruption surprised you and you must’ve taken too long to answer cause Joel filled in the answer for himself.

“M’ fine doin’ it myself.” Joel said as he turned back to Tommy, who was rolling his eyes. You weren’t great with rifles really, always hated using guns. You were good with a bat, which sounded a bit silly so you stayed quiet. “Just go together tomorrow morning, scope out the place and see if you guys are able to get some work in. She’s tougher than she looks.” Tommy said, smiling to you. You appreciated him sticking up for you but it also made you feel a bit weak.

Normally you would’ve let it go, you’d have found another job to do. But something about this Joel guy, and the stoic demeanor he gave, it annoyed you. Like you needed to proof yourself, which made you feel even sillier. Proof yourself to a man? Please. But maybe, you and Joel could get along and he just needed some warming up to. You were a tad low on the friend department anyway.

---------

Though the next morning, you regretted even thinking that. It started with gathering the horses. You weren’t able to get up on your horse, and he just sat on his horse, watching you struggle. When you finally got up, you swore you saw a slight curl tugged at the corner of his lips but it disappeared as soon as you went to look again.

You two were riding next to each other in mostly silence. You had spoken a few times but would never get a response. The only sounds you could hear were the horses and the snow crunching underneath their hooves. Should you make small talk again?  You were someone who could talk anyone’s ears off but Joel didn’t exactly give off the vibe that he’d be open to that.

“So how do you know Tommy?” You say, the words spitting out before you were even done deciding.

Joel didn’t look at you as he replied.

“Was at his birth.”

You knitted your brows and stared at his face which just had a blank expression on them, opposite of yours cause that answer had your gears turning. At his birth? What?? Your silence said enough to Joel, you didn’t get it.

 “Tommy’s my brother.” ... “Oh.”

“You always this chatty?” Joel muttered. “You always this grumpy?” you shot back.

You felt annoyed that that was the only reply you could come up with. “Did you just make a joke?” You grinned just the tiniest bit, was Joel Miller making jokes? The man who had been riding his horse silently for an hour and didn’t even glance your way once?

“Didn’t think you had that in you.” You commented.

Joel’s hands tightened briefly on the reins, but he didn’t say anything. You could’ve sworn the corner of his mouth twitched. His brows knitted together ever so slightly as he glanced to you and back to the road ahead.

“So how much longer?”

 Joel didn’t answer.

“What are we even repairing?”

Still no reply. When you’ve given up on small talk he finally replies to your question.

 “Floorboards of one of the outposts.”

 “Ah, is it moldy or something?”

 “No.” His voice was flat, almost bored.

“They warped?” “No.” “Well, something’s wrong with ‘em if we’re going all the way out here.” He sighed like this was the last conversation he wanted to be having. “Just needed fixin’.” “Vague and unhelpful. Got it.

Y’know,” You hear Joel sigh again when you start a new sentence. “I had that a while ago, the cabin me and- the cabin I was staying in, the entire floor started warping cause, I assume, water damage? Mold? I don’t even know. I once tripped over them badly, hit my face so hard I still have the scar.”

You were rambling, he made you nervous. You didn’t get why, you met the man yesterday and he’d maybe looked at you like, 3 times all together. Yet you still wanted to chat with him, maybe even see what he’d look like if he ever smiled.

“The scar at the end of your eyebrow.”

He spoke before thinking, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he froze for just for split second before going back to regular Joel, you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t already staring at him. The detail he mentioned was really specific—something he'd only know if he'd actually observed you right? A brief look of regret crossed his face, and he seemed to wish he hadn't said it at all. Maybe the scar was just that obvious. It was tiny though, just at the end of your brow, a little above it. It was a scar that blended in with your face, your hair usually covering it anyway. You remember the aching pain you had for days every time you’d move your eyebrows, which was something you did a lot. You were always very expressive.

“Yea. Didn’t think it was that noticeable.” You reply softly as you rub the back of your neck.

“It isn’t.”  His voice firm.

It isn’t. Yet, he noticed it even though he’s barely looked you in the eyes. You shake off the thought.

---------

You two finally arrived at the outpost. The outpost was a small, rugged place, tucked away on the edge of the wilderness. Wooden walls creaked in the wind, patched up with scrap metal and makeshift barriers.  There was a worn-down feeling to the place—like it had seen its share of hard days. You both hitched your horses and you waited for Joel to lead. He stayed vigilant, like he was the entire ride, checking every corner, making sure nothing slipped past him—especially any signs of infected.

“Gather some of the wood.”

He said, nudging his head to the pile of wood a couple feet away.

“Yes boss.”

 You mumbled quietly as you rolled my eyes, stuffing the urge to mockingly salute him. Joel had entered the outpost and you followed shortly after you bring the wood outside the outpost, not knowing what you’d walk into.

“Watch your step.” Is what you heard seconds before slipping and falling into Joel’s arms.

As you slipped over something wet, and stumbled backward, you felt his hands instinctively reach out to catch you. One hand gripped your arm, steadying you, while the other slid around your waist, pulling you against him. Your heart raced as his touch lingered for a moment longer than necessary, fingers pressing firmly into the curve of her back. The close proximity made your breath hitch. “Shit!” You yelped. You had almost fallen completely backwards, which would’ve been okay if there wasn’t a smashed in infected body behind you.

“I said, watch your step.” Joel said, a bit softer  but still annoyed.

 Your hands had gripped Joels arm when he had wrapped it around your waist when you slipped. As you realize the two of you were still entangled, you quickly stood up and Joel let you go as he cleared his throat.

“I didn’t expect there to be a pool of blood and a literal infected.” You said, not glancing at the infected, you hated seeing them.

“Yeah, must’ve forgot to mention it.” Joel replies gruffly.

Douchebag.

 You now got a chance to really look at the interior. It wasn’t much. You finally understood why the floor needed repairing, the wood was split and to your surprise, very warped.

“The wood is warped.” You say, crossing your arms, remembering Joel said no when you asked if it was warped. He just didn’t want you to be right, did he? Jackass. He just shrugged as he kneeled down, he starts lifting some of the floorboards. It doesn’t take much for them to release from the ground, so it seems.

“Shouldn’t we get rid of the infected body first?”

“Be my guest.”

You scoffed at his reply. You really didn’t want to get near it but you also didn’t want it stinking up the place even further. You sigh, extra loud, turning your head to Joel to make sure he heard you. He ignores it.

You decide on grabbing a shovel and shoving the infected away.  You noticed Joel raising a brow when he turned to look at what you were doing, but he soon turned back and said nothing as he continued removing the floor. After what felt like ages, you got the infected body out and cleaned up the area.

“How’d the infected get in here?” You said as you walked towards Joel’s eyesight.

“Dave was here a couple days back. Managed to kill the infected before realizing the man himself was already bit.” Joel said, he spoke calmly about this Dave, as if he didn’t care as to whether the guy would live or die.

“So where’d Dave go after he was bit? Seeing I’ve only dragged one-” You motioned the number one with your finger, “-body out of this place.”

Joel looked up at you, clenching his jaw for a moment.

“Dead. Now, are you going to help remove any of the floorboards or gonna continue chattin’ my ears off?”

You weren’t even saying that much.

“Yeah yeah, calm your horses.” You mumbled.

 Joel narrowed his eyes before going back to the floorboards. You walk to the other end of the room, and decide to start there. You roll up your sleeves, ready to show you’re actually capable of doing stupid repair. You grip one end of the floorboard and pull it up, as hard as you can. But there’s no movement, like, at all.

For a second you feel like you’re on a prank show, you glance over to Joel who had lifted at least half of the floorboards out already. Yet you weren’t strong enough to even lift one? Come on. You kept pulling, teeth gritting, muscles (what muscles?) flexing. Yes, you had survived being by yourself in the apocalypse for over a year but you never really grew very strong muscle. You survived by being careful and quiet, not looking for the danger, so you rarely fought.

 “Fucks sake.”

 You grunt, sitting on the floor and looking over at Joel, who was already looking your way.

“What’re you doin’? I ain’t got all day.”

“I’m trying!”

Joel mumbled something as he walked over.

“Move.”

 He said as he started gripping the floorboard where you were holding it. Joel was being tough but when he couldn’t get the floorboard to budge either, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Yeah yeah, mr. Strong. Lift it up then.” You grinned.

His narrowed eyes met yours briefly before turning back. He was obviously using all his strength to attempt to get it out.

“You’re gonna pull a muscle.” You say, making sure to fit another jab in there to annoy him.

You enjoyed it a bit too much, seeing him struggle after he so obviously judged you for not being able to lift it.

Just when you laugh a little too hard, the floorboard suddenly pops out, of course, hitting you in the head and causing Joel to stumble a bit. “Fuck!” You, who was previously sat, is now laying back, leaning on your elbows as the floorboard had just hit your forehead real hard. Your hand immediately rose up to your forehead and you looked back at your fingers. Blood. Joel’s eyes widened a bit, obviously not meaning to do that.

 “My bad.” He mumbles, in a gruff acknowledgement.

He kneeled a bit closer to you as you sat back up, he was looking at the wound, both your faces just inches apart. You had a little wound on the left side of your forehead, yes it was bleeding and yes it might look bad, but it wasn’t anything worth worrying about, Joel thought so at least. He was inspecting the wound but didn’t look worried. He honestly looked like he couldn’t care less.

“Is it bad?”

“S’fine. You’ll live.” He said before standing back up, and walking to his bag. He walks back with a band-aid. It’ll have to do for now. You take it from his hand, your fingers grazing. “It’s getting late, we’re headin’ back.” 

You nod as you felt your forehead throbbing. You felt the urge to cry, you didn’t but you wanted to. Today was just a shitty day and you’d spent it with a shitty man.

On the ride back to the settlement, you were quiet. Thinking about how today felt like a bit of a fail, you had gotten like 2 floorboards out and the rest was done by Joel while you had sat there with a throbbing forehead. So much for proving yourself.

--

Joel and Tommy were sat at the bar, their usual spot if they had something to discuss.

“Y’need to get me another partner for the repair.” Joel said before taking a gulp of beer.

Tommy just looked at Joel in a way of saying: ‘Seriously’?

“M’serious. She keeps on talking a mile a minute. Can’t even focus without her asking some annoyin’ questions”

Tommy finally let out a short chuckle, shaking his head. “She really that bad, or is it just you bein’ you?”

Joel shot him a look.

“Pretty face, empty head Tommy, I’m tellin’ you.” Joel has his elbows leaning on the bar as he looks down at his glass and back up at Tommy.

“I’d love to relieve you of your ‘torture’ but I ain’t got anyone to fill her shoes right now. After losing Dave like that- Not many people are willin’.”

“People are scared ‘cause one man died from an infected? You’ve softened them up.”

“Dave wasn’t just ‘one man.’ He was a good leader. People trusted him. And now he’s gone. You should know better than anyone what that kind of loss does to people.” Tommy says, obviously feeling the impact it left on him when Dave died. Joel clenched his jaw but didn’t argue.

Dave was one of the community leaders, known to be real good around infected. So when he died, it scared folks.

 “You’re doin’ another repair job with her, whether you wanna or not. It’s a week from now, Maria said it’d be a good idea if you actually tried to get to know her. She’s more than a ‘pretty face’ and who knows, you might actually like her.” Tommy said, putting emphasis on Joel’s previous ‘pretty face’ comment, a cheeky smirk tugging at Tommy’s lips.

Joel let out a dry, humorless laugh.

Tommy smirked, clearly enjoying this too much. “Alright, fine. Maybe not like her. But at least tolerate her.”

Joel scoffed as he gave Tommy a narrowing glance as Joel chucked the last bit of beer down before standing up.

“Doubt that.”

And with that, he grabbed his jacket and walked out, already dreading next week.

[mirai-e-jump]

Dengeki Tokusatsu Tsushin Vol.3 (Summer/2000) FACE UP!! 2000 SPECIAL ft. Odagiri Joe x Katsurayama Shingo (translations below)

Publication: August 20, 2000

FACE UP!! (Free Talk Segments)

Odagiri Joe

I've loved movies ever since I was a child, and never thought about doing work outside of the film industry. When I became a high school student, I had other things I wanted to do, but they were all related to foreign countries. Something like a translator, or a Japanese language teacher in a foreign country. Still, at my core, I wanted to study something in relation to film. So, I looked into various schools, and found that the California State University in Fresno made the most sense to me. In my head, I had the idea that movies were made in Hollywood, so along with there being few Japanese people there, this place would be close to Hollywood. When I was deciding on my major, "Drama" caught my eye. What came to mind from Drama was "TV dramas," so I decided to "go with that." However, it turned out to be a major related to theater (laughs).

While studying abroad, my first exposure to acting was when I helped out behind the scenes for their quarterly theater performance. I also took an acting class, but it wasn't until I returned to Japan that I began to seriously study acting. When I was over there, I was essentially a blank slate, so it felt like I didn't know what was going on (laughs).

During one of my acting classes, we were told, "This is outer space, so swim freely." We spacewalked the whole lesson (laughs). I thought it was a truly American styled class. At the time, I was full of wonder, as I was curious on how this would relate to acting. I was the only foreigner in my class. I wasn't the type to go out of my way to join in with the others, and was always the "straggler" of the class (laughs). Having the English skills of an exchange student, performing Shakespeare, a classic of Western literature, was a challenge in itself, and there were times when I was considerably depressed. Still, in the end, all those hardships became my passion for acting, and the experience I gained over there was an invaluable asset.

I played drums in a band during middle and high school. There were times when I played in about eight bands at once. Because of that, the music I covered was all over the place. It'd be anything from X to The Beatles (laughs). When I was in America, alternative music was popular, so I'd listen to groups like Smashing Pumpkins, Beck, Cake, and Bjork. If I had to pick one of my favorite musicians, it would be Tom Waits. Still, I also listen to Japanese music. The first album I ever bought was by The Timers. That's why I still like Imawano Kiyoshiro-san. I even covered his music in one of my bands. I also like Frank Zappa, Stan Getz, The Lounge Lizards, The Velvet Underground, James Brown, among others, so I listen to a really wide range of music. It depends on how my mood is on a given day. It probably seems like I have a large number of CDs when I say this, but I don't have that many. Although, I've never counted. On average, I think I buy about four a month. When I return home, I put on music or play a movie tape. I always feel that there's some kind of noise in the room. However, only when I'm writing for "Monthly Odagiri" is it quiet (laughs).

Karaoke? I go. In terms of the type of vocals I have, I'm close to Original Love. I've also sung songs by Oasis and Michelle Gun Elephant, as they put importance on excitement. I'll also sing songs by UA, Bird, and Sheena Ringo too. I prefer songs by women that are cool when sung by men. For women, I want to sing songs by Pizzicato Five and CHARA when I’m in a good mood (laughs).

What am I into currently? Food crawling (laughs). I eat alot. I always eat two bentos when we're on location. My favorite food is noodles. Ah, I'll never forget the Vietnamese ramen I used to eat when I was in America, I'm pretty sure it was called "pho." I've never found it in Japan. It has certain herbs in it, so you'll either like it or you won't, but I was addicted to it. I don't dislike anything. Even if it's weird looking, I'll probably eat it out of curiosity (laughs).

Since I'm usually busy, I try to meet up with friends on my days off. The other day, I walked home from Shinjuku with a friend who lives in Daitabashi. It took about three hours. I actually like walking (laughs). This is why I haven't seen any movies from over here in awhile. When I was working part time at a rental store, I used to watch tons of movies for free (laughs). My favorite movie is Jim Jarmusch's "Down by Law." I like alot of Jarmusch's films. "Stranger Than Paradise" and "Dead Man"…I especially like those with black and white footage. Another recent favorite is "Buffalo 66." My American friend sent me the tape and I watched it multiple times. I think films that put importance on the atmosphere and the mood, as well as the idea, are more interesting than films that spend an excessive amount of money on production. I also watch Japanese films. I thought "Sonatine" was good. It's somewhat of an obscure film among Kitano Takeshi-san's works though. As for actors, I really love Steve Buscemi, who appeared in the film "In the Soup." I want to become an actor like him, someone who can create their own role and have free rein on the sidelines.

Katsurayama Shingo

In fan letters and on the bulletin board of my website, I'm often told, "I thought you were married." I don't think even I've settled down yet. Even my room is messy. That's why I clean and do laundry on my days off. The day before a holiday, I'll go out for a drink, and do two loads of laundry in the afternoon (laughs). I'm not a strong drinker. I'm the type where it shows on my face right away. I also like karaoke. When I've had a long day at work, I'll go to karaoke and sing to refresh myself. If I have the next day off, I sometimes sing until morning.

I'll sing anything, but I like Ozaki Yutaka-san. I think my vocals fit his songs fairly well. I like ballads that I can sing with ease~. For Ozaki-san, it would be his song "forget me not." It's not just singing, as I've been listening to Ozaki-san since I was in middle school. I'm pretty sure the first album I bought was his "SEVENTEEN'S MAP." I was in shock when he passed away. I had met him once before. We met backstage at a concert, where he told me, "Next year, I'm going on tour and releasing an album, so come see me," but then he passed away around the beginning of that year.

I used to sing not only ballads, but also up tempo songs where I'd go wild, but as you can see, I've settled down now, I think (laughs). I suppose this is simply an age related change. Recently, I've felt these kinds of changes in alot of places. It's the same with my food preferences. I used to be very picky with what I liked and disliked. It was almost as if I ate nothing but meat and rice. But now, I'll often eat simple fish dishes. I used to be a vegetable hater, but I'm slowly getting better at eating them. However, eating tomatoes is still a no go (laughs). My favorite food is white rice. Even when eating out, the restaurant has to be one that serves rice. When I find an izakaya that serves rice, I'm like, "Uwah! I've found it!" From there, I'll stick to that place for awhile.

I like cars, so I'll often go out in one. As you can imagine, I've been too busy to go out these days. Ah, but during this year's Golden Week, I had some time off, so I had a barbecue at a riverbed near my parents house. What's more, going back to my parents house may have been just the right drive I needed (laughs).

When I first moved to Tokyo, I thought about trying a highway that I'd never been on before, so I once raced across the Kanetsu Expressway during winter. I ended up at a ski resort in Yuzawa. However, since I went there in my casual clothes, I just said, "What a gorgeous view," and then went back home (laughs).

To be honest, I tend to go on random trips without reserving a stay at an inn or hotel. One time, I was driving alone and gradually felt like taking a bath. I arrived at a public bathhouse, and after taking a bath, I laid down in the tatami room used for breaks since there were no other customers there. When I woke up, I saw a girl in a short skirt walking past me and thought, "What a nice view." After a moment, I took a closer look around and saw that it was packed with customers (laughs). I was surprised and thought, "I really fell asleep in a place like this, huh?"

There are still many parts of me that are perceived for my visuals, rather than as an actor. If I don't surpass that, I won't be able to move forward as an actor, and the viewers will get bored with me too. That's why I'm very interested in taking on different roles from the one I'm playing right now. I'd like to be able to mix my own playful side with the role I present in my performance so that the human qualities of an actor can come pouring out.

For that reason, work is important, but on the other hand, I think it's also important to have fun and connect with a variety of people. From now on, I'd personally like to continue having fun with friends around my age, like companions. While I have alot of memories from my school years, once you enter the workforce, your friends go their separate ways and you get together less often. Until now, I've often jumped into the lives of people older than me, so at this point, I think I'd like to value interesting friends of the same age. Besides, when you're the same age, you can't compromise. In spite of that, it makes me feel like, "I can't lose," but in a good way. Not just for acting, but also for what I want to do, and how far I'll pursue it. I'm the spoiled type, so I'd like to receive more stimulation like that. Being with good friends is the most fun, don't you think? _

Odagiri Joe VS Katsurayama Shingo

Odagiri: The first time I saw Katsurayama-san, I thought, "Ah, he's gotta be an actor." He's got a good looking face and figure.

Katsurayama: You've done nothing but compliment me as of late (laughs).

Odagiri: I really have.

Katsurayama: My first impression of Odagiri-kun is pretty much the same as it is now. I guess you could say that he acts as his regular self. When I enter a new set, I tend to become nervous and it shows. Odagiri-kun may be nervous, but I can't really see it at all.

Odagiri: I just do things at my own pace (laughs).

Katsurayama: I also thought that during the script reading. When I heard your first line, I thought it was so natural.

Odagiri: What line was that?

Katsurayama: I'm pretty sure it was when you were taking care of the lost child at the airport in the first episode.

Odagiri: That was the first one, wasn't it? When I talked with Katsurayama-san during the reading, I thought he was a serious and hardworking person. As for me, Kuuga was the first time in my life that I read a script, so I was already overwhelmed.

Katsurayama: I was at my limit too (laughs). Going to a new set for the first time makes me nervous. Also, before I met Odagiri-kun, I had heard that for this Kamen Rider, they were looking for an actor who would play the main role differently from the past, and who would be more like an ordinary big brother than a hero of justice, so I wondered what kind of guy they would get. When I actually met him, I thought, "Ah, I see."

Odagiri: Is that right? Katsurayama-san knows stuff that I don't.

Katsurayama: Even after it was decided that I got the role of Ichijou, I went to the audition for the role of Yusuke.

Odagiri: Does that mean you were looking at the audition through the eyes of Ichijou?

Katsurayama: I…suppose so. I tried to match my lines with the people who came to play Yusuke.

Odagiri: I played the role of Ichijou at my audition. I also played Kameyama. I think they specifically had me do the scene where Ichijou and Yusuke meet for the first time. I did my best to talk at the audition. I'm the kind of person who'll sometimes do crazy things at auditions (laughs).

Katsurayama: I'm the type that can't do anything at an audition and goes home (laughs).

Odagiri: When I went to the auditions, we just rehearsed some scenes. I got thirsty during the rehearsals, so I always purchased a one liter carton of tea. When I brought that with me to the audition, it was directly connected to Yusuke's love of tea (laughs). His juggling setup seemed to have been decided on from the beginning, but when I said "I can do it," it seemed like that was also connected to Yusuke.

Katsurayama: It's a role that was made for Odagiri-kun. It's fate. Things like his clothes are different, but aren't you usually like Yusuke?

Odagiri: Yusuke is the personality that exists within me. It just so happened that the personality I have fell in line with Yusuke. Still, at first, I was worried about how to approach this. Now, I've come to understand that I should explore from within myself.

Katsurayama: I guess there's an Ichijou within me too. It's probably my serious and stubborn side though.

Odagiri: But at drinking parties, Ichijou wouldn’t be the one to make alot of noise, right?

Katsurayama: Yeah? (laughs).

Odagiri: The other day, you passionately sang at karaoke. How long did you end up staying?

Katsurayama: Until around 1 a.m. I think.

Odagiri: Katsurayama-san is talented.

Katsurayama: No, no, that would be you Odagiri-kun.

Odagiri: Uwah, please cut it out (laughs). When I sing, he harmonizes with me.

Katsurayama: I like harmonizing.

Odagiri: The two of us will harmonize songs by groups like the Blue Hearts. That's why Katsurayama-san's usually different from Ichijou's character.

Katsurayama: Even during filming, Ichijou doesn't smile, but there's been many parts where I almost do.

Odagiri: Me on the other hand, I seem to smile too much. Sometimes the staff will tell me, "Don't smile so much." In episode 14, when Yusuke falls into the river and Ichijou-san rushes over to him, there's a scene where I look back at him and smile, but I was told, "You shouldn't look so pleased."

Katsurayama: That must be difficult, huh? (laughs).

Odagiri: It's complicated. It's like I can only do this~ much. If I enjoy my acting too much in an "Odagiri kind of way," I get scolded with, "That's not Yusuke, that's Odagiri" (laughs).

Katsurayama: "That's no good" tends to come out. Still, it also helps us to establish our characters images.

Odagiri: Now that you mention it, we haven't really given each other advice on acting. For me, the Ichijou-san Katsurayama-san plays is like Ichijou-san himself.

Katsurayama: I don't really care one way or another about other people's performances. There are times when we talk about what we should do for scenes where it's just the two of us. I think it'll be more interesting if we can create things that aren't written in the script by ourselves.

Odagiri: The set allows for quite abit of adlibbing, so I'd like to include more of it.

Katsurayama: From Ichijou's point of view, you don't do anything poorly when adlibbing~.

Odagiri: Yeah, that's right. Yusuke does a variety of things depending on the mood of the scene, such as the scenes with Hikari Sensei. Still, it'd be bad if "Odagiri" comes out too much there (laughs). Aside from Ichijou-san and Hikari Sensei, I don't work with the police that much, but I have shot scenes with most of my costars.

Katsurayama: I think all the characters are in a "good friends" situation.

Odagiri: I think it's more friendship than love. Still, I'm sure Ichijou-san has a love story, maybe with someone like Nozomi-san. There are rumors that Nana-chan might become an Ichijou fan too. This makes me sad as Odagiri more than it does as Yusuke (laughs).

Katsurayama: Everyone has their own personality. Both when they're playing their roles and as their normal selves. This is especially true for someone like Oyassan (laughs). When we're together in a scene, I want to laugh with him, but I can't (laughs), because I'm Ichijou.

Odagiri: Oyassan does some interesting things in the test shots right before we shoot for real. It's such a waste since the most interesting parts aren't what's being aired. Speaking of wasteful, there are quite a few scenes that are filmed, but then aren't used.

Katsurayama: There are. The other day, there was a scene where Sugita-san was teaching Nozomi how to brew tea.

Odagiri: Yeah. Sakurai-san was also with them in that scene.

Katsurayama: I guess it all came down to time, but it's a shame that it wasn't aired.

Odagiri: It seems that after much deliberation, the Director reluctantly cut it out.

Katsurayama: It's alittle sad when any of the scenes or takes that I personally wanted to see don't make it in.

Odagiri: Like which ones?

Katsurayama: It's just some small things. I've always liked detective stuff, so I like the parts where the undercover patrol car's lights go off. We filmed it, but when I watched the broadcast, it had been cut. I guess even stuff like that gets cut (laughs). On set, I tried saying something funny like, "How about a slightly silly side of Ichijou's character?" In a scene where he'd be alone, I'd say a joke that wasn't funny. However, it really didn't seem like Ichijou, so I stopped (laughs).

Odagiri: Just as Sugita-san is putting all his energy into a scene that's supposed to be a masterpiece, Ichijou-san will come out of nowhere and "steal" the viewers away (laughs). It's always the same.

Katsurayama: But recently, Sugita-san's been taking over some scenes. Sugita-san's character has developed. In the beginning, Yusuke, Ichijou, and Sakurako were the main three creating the drama, but now, the other actors and staff are rapidly creating the characters, which has made it more interesting for us to watch.

Odagiri: I look forward to it. I feel lonely when there's about a week between filming.

Katsurayama: That reminds me, we went out drinking with Tsubaki-san for abit. I had promised Odagiri-kun that the two of us would go out for drinks together, but then they bumped into each other at a certain station.

Odagiri: Right, right, when I was waiting for the train at the station, Otsuka-san just happened to be standing next to me reading a newspaper. I invited him to join me since I was going out for drinks with Katsurayama-san afterwards. Then, to my surprise, when we got on the train, Nanamori-san was sitting diagonally in front of us (laughs). Otsuka-san and Nanamori-san had never met each other, not even within the show, so I loudly introduced them to each other while on the train.

Katsurayama: It surprised me when I was waiting at the station, as I thought, "Is that the Rose Tattooed Woman over there?" (laughs). Because, not only was it Odagiri-kun, but Nanamori-san and Otsuka-san were also there. I wondered, "Do they have filming today?"

Odagiri: It was a creepy coincidence. Something like that happened not once, but twice.

Katsurayama: You can no longer say, "There's no way I'll encounter them."

Odagiri: Speaking of which, the other day the two of us went out to buy a computer, and right next to me was a child saying, "No, that's Pegasus Form!," but he didn't notice us at all.

Katsurayama: Odagiri-kun's appearance was different, and I wasn't wearing a suit. We do usually ride in a car together though.

Odagiri: I'll occasionally ask him to take me home on the way back (laughs).

Katsurayama: I'm sure people would wonder about that if they saw us. We're not in a black patrol car (laughs). We've never been recognized when walking together. Sometimes I have when I'm by myself. I'm usually just wandering around.

Odagiri: I ride my bike everywhere (laughs).

Katsurayama: Whenever we go out together, it's either for a meal or for drinks. You wanna go fishing next time?

Odagiri: Ah, please take me with you.

Katsurayama: I'm afraid he'll get mad at me if we go alone, so I'll invite everyone. And when I say fishing, I don't mean anything that serious, we'll just be sitting on the breakwater all night.

Odagiri: That sounds nice. Let's go. _

Bonus Secret Story

For the first half, Katsurayama-san says his dialogue with a Kansai dialect. He usually speaks in Kansai dialect.

Odagiri-san brought his polaroid camera. The purpose was to take pictures for "Monthly Odagiri," a popular corner on TV Asahi's website. He occasionally took pictures of Katsurayama-san talking and Katsurayama-san eating.

Unrecorded Conversation 1 (from a conversation in which Ichijou calls Yusuke by his full name)

Katsurayama: "Godai Yusuke, can you hear me?" How many times have I said this line?

Odagiri: You say it every time.

Katsurayama: "Unidentified Lifeform #10 has appeared somewhere."

Odagiri: "Yes, I understand."

Katsurayama: I also said that for the new toys that are coming out.

Unrecorded Conversation 2 (century eggs were used in the dish that was brought out to them)

Odagiri: I heard that Otsuka-san was a century egg in a previous life.

Katsurayama: Are you a previous life fortune teller? (laughs).

Odagiri: After it ferments, it finally becomes Otsuka-san (laughs).

Katsurayama: He's probably sneezing right now.

[peachsayshi]

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ being wrapped in your arms feels like coming home ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

wc: 1,820

minors / ageless blogs / blank blogs - do not interact.

notes: here is a little drabble in honor of toji's birthday! this piece was originally titled as "adoration" but I changed it to this instead. I'm taking a small posting break, but I'll be back to my regular schedule within a week! I'm sorry if I haven't been responding to tags or messages, but I will do so soon <3 I hope you're all having a wonderful time and I'm sending all my well wishes out to you! xo

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ tags: widow toji; age gap (reader is 30 while toji is in his early 40s); a little angsty; toji attempting to break up with you but failing because he's oh so in love

toji overstayed his welcome which was only supposed to last the scorching heat of summer, but he found himself lingering through the quiet stillness of fall. winter came in with a brisk chill and gloomy skies, and that's when toji knew it was time for him to end things with you.

he’s lost interest far quicker in previous relationships. they served their purpose of healing over the wound in his heart, of soothing away the ache of loneliness. he oftens forgets that he was once a loyal, loving husband whenever he abandons yet another fling.

the difference, however, is he at least had the guts to verbally cut things off before.

fucking pathetic, he thinks as he scolds himself. he's been a coward, reducing his actions to disappearing before the sunlight peeks through the horizon, and avoiding any chance of waking you up. he ensures that he is never there to see the way your brows furrow with concern when your hand meets the cold pillow, because otherwise he would falter in his attempt to escape.

this has been going on for over two weeks now but last night was the first time you've actually snapped at his cold, detached behavior. he approached the argument with nonchalance to wither you down, shrugging off the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach and then walking out halfway through the fight.

he stayed at a motel thinking that maybe you have finally taken the hint that he's done.

he arrives back to his apartment only to be met with unfamiliar silence. the entrance of his home is dark and lifeless, and it's so quiet he can even hear a pin drop. there's a tightness in his chest, followed by a wave of disappointment that runs over him like a feverish shiver.

despite his hard headed decision, he's still anticipating on hearing your lovely voice to greet him as he walks through the door.

he knows it's selfish.

toji expected many things to happen after last night's fight. he figured the reaction to him leaving you (again) would be far bigger. a screaming phone call or a string of cursing text messages to call him out on his shitty behavior.

after all he deserves it for acting like an insufferable asshole.

he tries to swallow his guilt but it remains lodged in his throat when he acknowledges that this might actually be the end. 

the expression on his features falls.

it’s better this way, he consoles, dragging his feet across the floor to approach his kitchenette. he shrugs off his beaten up, oversized coat and tosses it over one of the chairs. he opens one of the cupboards, and grabs a mug to prepare himself a cup of tea.

she’s too young to settle for a guy like me, he continues. widowed with two kids who he barely sees anymore, working paycheck to paycheck just to make ends meet…

a deadbeat.

he exhales, swirling his brew in his ceramic cup. the aroma of sweet leaves dances up the spiral of steam to kiss his nose.

she deserves more than me.

he places the kettle down but stares at the cup mindlessly, losing all train of thought as his hands grip onto the edge of the counter. 

he can acknowledge that his insecurities are clouding his judgement on something truly special, even though this was only ever meant to be purely physical.

except, the sex was growing more intimate. the experience wasn't about pleasure for him anymore. he would find himself losing all focus to the depth of your pretty eyes, stealing kiss after kiss like your mouth was the source of where all his happiness belongs.

belonged.

belonged.

it’s over now, he thinks again. it has to be.

a faint patter of footsteps distracts him, prompting him to ease his hold on the counter as the muscles on his face relax. his heart steadies itself, and he draws in a breath when he feels two arms delicately twine around his waist.

“you’re...still here...” he points out in shock. 

he feels you press your forehead into his back. “of course, where else would I be?” 

he clears his throat to release the guilt then spins on his heel to face you.

"I thought you might have taken off," he bluntly states as he rests his lower back against the counter.

his heart swells, emanates flurries of golden sparks when he meets your gorgeous irises. the will to carry on with his decision crumbles when he catches the corner of your mouth tick into a slight grin.

"I thought about it," you reply casually, loosening your grip to place your palms flat on the side of his stomach. "but the truth is I'm worried about you and I just…want to talk things out…make sure you're okay...”

“I’m the one acting like a jerk and you’re worried about me?” he blurts.

you quirk your brow at the slip of his question. “so, you know you’re acting like a jerk?”

toji’s eyes widen slightly, a hint of pink tainting his cheek. “I asked the question first.”

you purse your lips playfully, aware of the crack that's been revealed and ready to swing once again with another blow.

“it’s because you’re acting like a jerk that I’m worried about you,” you explain, “you’re not yourself when you’re unsettled about something…”

his face warms, the hue of pink deepening into a stronger blush. the familiarity of pointing out his personal traits feels all too homely. seven months shouldn’t feel like a forever but in this bubble with you time ceases to exist.

you trail the pads of your finger tips up his torso, your hands clasping around the back of his neck as you press all your soft and sweet parts right up against the frame of his body.

the brush of your lips on his scar prompts him to flutter his eyes close. he fails to stop himself from holding you then, his firm hands reaching for the outline of your waist

“so,” you murmur with a tempting kiss as you return to your question, “you know you’re acting like a jerk then?”

please don’t make me say it, he thinks, please don’t make me unravel right in front of your eyes.

he squeezes your side, whispering a defeated “listen…”

“did I do something wrong?” you question, a hint of pain laced through every vowel which only makes his heart ache further. “did something happen?”

toji shakes his head.

“it’s not you,” he grumbles. “look, you asked me a couple of weeks ago if this thing between us was serious and…it shouldn’t be.”

you narrow your gaze, tilting your head with adorable confusion that makes toji want to kiss you right there on the spot.

he can feel you pluck at the fabric of his sweater nervously, “why not?”

toji drops his head and sighs.

“c’mon, doll, let’s be real. I’ve got nothing to give you other than a good fuck in this shitty apartment. you're better off finding someone else and I don't want to waste your time”

you press your mouth into a firm line. “your behavior…” you reply, nipping your bottom lip slightly as you gather your thoughts. “are you acting like this because you…want to end things with me?”

toji has never felt smaller. you’ve reduced him into a shriveled pea rolling around his scuffed up boot. “look, it’s better this way, alright?” he admits with a raise of his head, still refusing to outwardly say what you easily deduced. “it's better to move on before things get too complicated…”

the silence hangs heavy in the air, the tension so thick toji feels like he can’t breathe properly. his heart rattles with no restraint, and he finds himself suddenly lightheaded. an apology rests on the tip of his tongue, ready to take back everything he just bombarded you with but his throat simply tightens once more when your hands cradle his strong jaw.

“I like your apartment,” you quietly speak, “your bed sheets always smell so good, and you fixed the water pressure after I complained that it sucked…”

toji blinks back his surprise.

“I also notice that you burn the candle that I got you and that you switched laundry detergents when your old one gave me that weird rash,” you giggle and toji couldn’t help but huff out an embarrassed laugh himself. “the windows let in the best kind of sunlight, and it’s always so cozy in here…”

you press your lips against his mouth to leave a chaste kiss, “as for the company…” you add on, nuzzling the tip of your nose over his, “I consider you more than just a good fuck.”

toji can physically feel himself wilting underneath the heat of your gaze. “I’m just looking out for you, doll.”

"you can look out for me by making me breakfast instead of running away from me..."

he looks serious but his eyes are sincere, holding a level of tenderness that he only reserves for you. his palm moves to seek out your lower back, a hint of pressure pulling you back into his warmth.

your lover has stayed tight lipped about his past, but over his period with you he's found himself spilling out a few secrets here and there.

"I haven't done this in a long time," he vulnerably admits.

"I know," you reassure him, "but...the real question is, do you want this?"

he parts his lips ready to seal the last nail in the coffin, ready to give you the chance to walk out of his life for good. but you're gazing up at him from underneath your eyelashes, your determined stare an opening of your own mercy. your plush, supple lips summoning his cowardice into oblivion.

"toji?"

his breath hitches, his apprehension silenced by the urgency of his desire.

you're so lovely, he thinks. you feel like home.

"I want you," he reveals, his deep voice smoky and untethered, releasing enough sentiment in those three words that he can feel you tremble in his arms. "I just don't deserve you. I don't want you getting caught up in my bullshit..."

""you're a lot sweeter than you look, you know?" you run your fingers through the streaks of his black hair, combing it back to reveal his forehead. "you deserve to be happy, toji, and...and I think I can make you happy..."

your aura beams with delight when he flashes you a wolfish grin in return. a smile you've grown to adore so deeply. his apology comes in the form of a kiss, one that's gentle and slow. a stroke of fire burns up the back of your neck, making you quiver in places when he glides his tongue across yours. you hum softly into his lips while he releases a content sigh, the barrier he's been keeping up turns to ashes beneath your feet.

[strengthtojourneyon]

Watched the Arena tour and if I don't talk about it I WILL EXPLODE

Oh my word, I was so excited for this show and let me tell you it did not disappoint. It was my first time seeing a stage production of the musical and it completely outshone the film, and the arena tour specifically was such a perfect show from top to bottom, I'll never forget how it felt hearing those opening notes from the live orchestra.

Ugh it was just so cool!!! And the actors oh my word lemme talk about the actors for a sec -

Killian Donnelly:

This man has the voice of an angel. An angel. He understood Valjean so well, portrayed him as this quiet, careful character, who kept his emotions and secrets close to his chest. That was until the final song where he finally allowed himself to feel and to show his emotions without inhibition....heartbreaking 10/10. And like I said, his actual singing was so, so haunting. Bring Him Home was definitely a highlight, his tenor is just so pretty and melodious!! And yet at other times his voice is so strong and decisive, like in The Confrontation and Who Am I - honestly the talent that man has is insane. He was perfect and from now on he is my favourite Valjean.

Bradley Jaden:

This man. THIS MAN. He has altered my brain chemistry permanently. Watching him play Javert has become one of those life derailing, permanently changing how I view the musical forever experiences akin only to the first time I read AROS. Holy heck is this man the perfect Javert! I was legit so excited when he came out for the first time! Honestly, he just was Javert. He truly embodies what it means to become your character (it helps that he looks like him too, with his long hair and wolfish grins) and his voice??? Hello???? Stars was a masterpiece, I swear I have never heard it sung so beautifully in my life! The way he knelt and did the cross on the edge of the stage instead of raising his baton above his head over-dramatically? The quiet devotion and faith in every note? The juxtaposition of Javert's inner thoughts and how he presents himself to others? This man!! And when Javert died I swear he had everyone on the edge of their seats. He so perfectly encapsulated the distress of the character, balancing drama and emotion and melody all at once to flawlessly depict such an important scene. I don't care what anyone else says, he is the greatest Javert of all time in my opinion.

And also, why the hell is there no Bradley Jaden fanclub here? He needs one!! I'll be president myself if I have to!

Rachelle Ann Go:

Supermodel looks and superstar voice, I don't know what more to say. She portrayed Fantine with a bit more fire, a little more resistance than I am used to, but I'm all for it. She had that "I've lost everything, so I no longer care anymore" type attitude that makes perfect sense for her character. When she came back for the epilogue she had this ethereal grace to her that really made her feel like a real angel.

Jac Yarrow:

He really does suit Marius, both looks and personality wise. His voice was enchanting <3 I nearly fell in love with him myself, no wonder Eponine and Cosette were both into him! Seriously though, he completely slayed Empty Chairs at Empty Tables. He was also really very sweet when Eponine died, green flags all around, wholesome Marius energy that I am here for all the way.

Jo Stephenson:

I prefer my Cosettes blonde, but aside from that, Jo did an excellent job with the character. I really thought she encapsulated the quiet dignity and elegance of older Cosette very well. She hit all her notes perfectly and I had no idea she was an understudy until I read my programme. Kudos to her she did really well and I look forward to seeing her again in a role of her own.

James D. Gish:

Good grief, what a heartthrob. Stunningly handsome and deeply passionate, he is everything you could ever ask Enjorlas to be. I really could hear the emotion in every word he sung, his battle cries stirred the hearts of the entire audience! Still, he never came off as uncaring or overbearing towards his friends, but rather as encouraging and confident, exemplifying the traits of a true leader. It was so, so heartbreaking when he died, everyone really adored him and I genuinely cannot find any fault with his performance. It was perfect. He was perfect. Huge kudos to my new favourite Enjorlas.

Beth Curnock:

Another understudy, but you wouldn't have known it from her performance. As someone who usually listens to the symphonic recording, I was pretty nervous about Eponine. I was worried she would put on that awful accent that Kaho Shimada does (no offense guys, it's not for me). Thankfully Beth did not, her voice was angelic and refined, her clear understanding of the character shone through in her every movement, every note, every action. She was incredible and it was heartbreaking watching her die in Marius's arms. A rising star in the industry for sure.

Sebastian Sero:

Incrediably talented for a 12 year old. He made an excellent Gavroche, I wish we could have seen even more of him. He nailed the part completely, he had the perfect amount of sass and resilience that made him perfect for the role. Whenever I imagine Gavroche now, I will imagine him.

Marina Prior:

So I didn't actually know who she was before I watched the show, I was super confused why the audience cheered for ages when Madame Thenardier cam out lmao. What kind of pitiful excuse for an Australian am I? Regardless, she played the role really well and the audience just adored her. She and Matt Lucas were such a talented comedic duo and even with all of her silliness, her incredible talent for singing shown through her every note. To the point that her husband broke the fourth wall to go "It's not phantom, love" which was so funny.

Matt Lucas:

Absolutely hilarious. Every time Thenardier came onto the stage the audience knew they were in for a good time. I loved how confident Matt was with the character that he felt he could add his own personal touches, with all his fun little quips. He just had this infectious energy to him that really drew you in. (Side note - the background choreography in Beggars At The Feast being just the rest of the cast swaying is freaking hilarious to me). If I had one small criticism, it would be that his evil laugh at the end of Dog Eats Dog was not nearly evil enough for my taste, but that's a very, very small thing and ultimately does in no way diminish his spectacular performance.

So that's the actors, and if you're still here, here's my thoughts on my three ships:

Valvert:

Oh boy, strap in buddy-

HOLY HECK THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN KILLIAN AND BRADLEY. Dude. Dude the Valvert vibes were off the charts. Soft valjean x sharp Javert if you can understand what I mean. From the beginning, Javert has to be all gay about giving Jean his paper, slapping it onto his chest (just admit you wanna touch him, dude) and then during the MsurM era you could just tell they were into each other. Trust me bro, those longing glances were frequent. Ooooh and the confrontation. Masterpiece. Both of them were so dramatic, Javert was raving and spitting and the toxic yoai levels were crazzzzy. Especially when they actually were looking at each other!! Oh and when Javert was interrogating Thenardier he gets all lost in his thoughts thinking of Valjean and accidentally grabs Thenardier's coat (imagining what you wanna do to Valjean, buddy?) heck even Thenardier is like "what the hell dude. Get your repressed gay ass away from me". During First Attack you could really see longing in Valjean's eyes as he frees Javert. Longing to keep him prisoner or longing for a world where they were on the same side? It's up to interpretation. And Javert lunges at him and Valjean keeps him at bay with his knife, their faces only inches apart....bro I cannot be normal about this, ever.

Marisette:

What can I say? They were really very cute. It felt like every opportunity they got they would kiss. Just gentle, wholesome love the whole way through. They remain my beloved token straight couple. Their gentle tenderness was a good contrast to all of the toxic yaoi/doomed yaoi going on around them.

Enjoltaire:

Gotta say, not too big of an Enjoltaire vibe in this show, Enjorlas did seem to be more patient with Grantaire though. He was a little more open to him, a bit more gentle when he tried to stop him from singing in Drink With Me. Also it was hilarious when Grantaire stole his microphone in Red and Black and then hopped happily away so his boyfriend could have it back. That was giving bickering married couple/playful banter vibes and I was all for it.

Additional thoughts:

Absolutely excellent show all around. There is less acting as a result of it being an arena tour but it still felt like a full, complete, easily understood show. I adored every minute and when Valjean and the bishop hugged at the end I burst into tears.

If I was to have one small criticism it would be that Javert should have been in the final song. It's 2025, we shouldn't be pushing the narrative that people are unforgivable and that those who commit suicide don't get into heaven. Come on now.

But that aside, I highly recommend it! I just wish I could have stayed and watched that performance over and over again. It was life changing for sure!!

[auraworkshop]

🎀 MY VOID SUCCESS STORY 🎀

Hi Aura, I'm also one of those peoples who WOKE UP IN THE VOID using your sub. I'm so grateful to you <3

I have been in this community for preety long and never seen any blogger doing this except riri and you! I always used to I wish I could also take advantage when little manifested for people as I wasn't there on the time when she did so.

But a GENUINE THANKS to you for manifesting the void for people !

Thankyou for giving us an upgraded and effortless way to enter the void.

You are the only blogger here who really wants to help people I swear, everyone else here are just taking ADVANTAGE of those who are desperate to change their lives.

They just repeat those old same posts over and over about motivation, persisting ENDLESSLY, doing this and that ... And I know that half of the people of the void community are LYING about their so called success stories :)

But I know you are gonna bring a huge change in this community soon enough,

Your approach to move this community forward is like watering the dull flowers to make them bloom again🌷!!

Btw, My void experience was truly horrible, I literally felt like I almost died, ☠️ the symptoms were so INTENSE like seriously!! But when I got in, it was peaceful, silent, black and something space like uk...

I manifested 150+ pages of my desires ofcourse I'm ain't gonna list all of em but I'll list the main thinggs here :

🎀Looking like wonyoung ( face )

🎀Body structure like Jennie

🎀Hairs like lisaa LOL

🎀Doe eyes

🎀Lucky girl syndrome

🎀Manifested back my dead granny

🎀A cat

🎀Living near wonyoung

🎀Life app

🎀1 million dollars to be credited to my bank account every 24 hours

🎀Caring, chiil and cool parents

🎀Knowing every language

🎀Not being clumsy

🎀Never having children's

🎀Increased my age ( only 2 years ☠️ )

🎀Voice like Ariana

🎀My crush

🎀Desired wardrobe

🎀Loyal friends

🎀Forgetting about my life before void ( I seriously don't remember anything)

🎀No need to go to poop again

🎀The ability to fly and stop time

THANKYOU FOR EXISTING <3, I'm gonna deactivate now and live my dream life !!

Love ya, mwahh ♡

SUCCESS STORY ♡

Congratulations buddy ! I know It can be frustrating when people keep saying the same things over and over again and not actually taking any concrete action. I truly believe in helping people in a genuine and meaningful way, not just repeating empty motivational jargon. I'm so glad to hear that you are now finally living your dream life :) Let's keep supporting each other and bringing much-needed changes to the void community 🤍

[air--so--sweet]

So, Aidan Gallagher was the last cast member to wrap on season 4, and he wrapped several days after everyone else which I've been presuming means we're getting some apocalypse flashbacks but I've just had another idea.

We see Lila and Five travelling to what looks like the original apocalypse, what if they see young Five in the apocalypse? I think it could be really interesting as I don't think any of the other characters fully appreciate what he went through (well, Luther appreciates what it feels like to live in total solitude). Especially when he came back looking exactly like he did when he ran away, but with an adult consciousness instead of a teenage one. It makes it very easy to forget he got stranded and had to learn how to survive in an apocalyptic wasteland as a literal child. While grieving everyone and everything he has ever known.

And I think for Lila to be the character to witness that, as someone who has quite an antagonistic, but also incredibly loving relationship with Five (I was going to say though neither would admit it, but actually I feel both of them had dropped almost all pretense of hating each other at the end of season 3. I don't know if either would verbally express love for each other but in the same way I don't know if either would verbally express love for anyone) would be incredibly affecting. Especially as, unlike his siblings, she never knew teenage Five, she has always known him as an adult who looks like a teenager. I feel like for Lila to witness firsthand the brutality Five experienced alone in the apocalypse, and to realise he was really just a child, especially now that she has a child herself...well I think it would be truly upsetting for her but also giver he a deeper understanding of Five and just how important his family is to him (and family is what Lila desires and values most in the world too).

But also, it will make her realise how similar Five's experience was to her own. Because both were caused to suffer at a young age by the Handler, Lila by having her parents murdered, Five by being left in the apocalypse for 45 years when she could have plucked him out at any point, and then exploited for her own gains with little to no care given to how it sould affect them. Five says The Handler made it so he couldn't belong anywhere, that she made him a killer; she more or less did the same thing to Lila.

Most theories I write are just 'Oh this would be cool if it happened' or 'Look at this ridiculous idea I had', but, now I've imagined it, I'll be really disappointed if we don't see Lila and Five witness younger Five in the apocalypse. Damn...

Also, while writing this it occurred to me that, if the scene where Lila is crying is in the subway, which is looks like it is, maybe she isn't crying because something happened her daughter or Diego (as most of us presumed), maybe it's related to her seeing something The Handler did in another timeline. Or maybe it's just the emotional impact of seeing The Handler in the flesh again, knowing Lila loved her and saw her as her mother, and The Handler was happy to murder Lila in cold blood when she realised she couldn't manipulate her anymore. That's bound to fuck you up. (To be be clear, because I think how I phrased this suggests we'll definitely see The Handler again, I have no idea if we will or won't but with the hopping of timelines it's a possibility.)

Or maybe Lila sees what The Handler took from her, what life would have been like if she grew up with her parents. Or again, the effect of just getting to see her parents alive and in the flesh. A train always stops in the same places, it can't just change course or route like any other vehicle. Maybe the subway allows you to move between timelines/time travel but only as an observer. You can't change or effect any events and therefore can't interact with anyone as a result. Imagine the pain of seeing your parents you thought you'd never see alive again and not bring able to interact with them in any way. Or maybe she has to witness their murder again knowing she can't do anything to stop it. It would be a really interesting parallel from their relationship in season 2 to have Five comforting Lila over the death of her parents.

[atinyniki]

Hihihi<3 I was thinking of Seungmin or Lee know (you can chose) with a idol!Gf that gets hurt during a award show.. maybe falling off a wobbly platform 8ft in the air? (We don’t brear our back). What would his reaction be? I know it’s kinda cruel but Its been on my mind for a week.. if it makes u uncomfy ignore this and forget u ever read it<3 Ty in advance<333

i'll take care of you.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x idol f!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, crying, reader fractures her ankle, kissing, play fighting, seungmin wants to murder someone, reader falls from a platform, lots of petnames, just rlly cute and fluffy at the end, seungmin is really scared, injuries, established relationships, munhee is a member of y/ns gg.

authors note: ik this was supposed to be more angsty but im literally head over heels for softie seungmin so here you go :P thank you for the ask annonie !! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1344

“hey hey hey, don’t be nervous my love… you’ll do amazing, i know it.”

“i’ve never done this in front of such a crowd before… what if they don’t like me, min?”

“oh baby… they’ll love you, i promise. and if anything happens on stage, your members will be there to back you up, yeah?”

you give him a hug, he always knew how to calm you down in moments like these. you suppose it’s because of his own experiences, especially considering the amount of award shows he’s been at. 

“i love you, seungminnie…”

“i love you too, baby. now go! you don’t wanna miss your cue. i’ll be in the audience, i promise.”

you give him a quick kiss, shooting up from the seat to go meet your members. seungmin leaves too, sitting down at stray kids’ respective table.

“excited?”, jeongin asks from beside him.

“of course i am! i’m so proud of her…”

his eyes stay fixed on the stage, waiting for your performance to start. the lights dim, and he sits up straight. it’s time for your performance.

there’s no point in recording, he knows they’ll have a fancam. right now, he just wants to watch his baby shine. 

and you do. you look absolutely gorgeous on stage, the lights hitting you at the perfect angles. the track starts, and the crowd starts cheering.

so many people, just for five girls performing. the first song is a ballad, something slow to set the mood. it’s one of your favorite songs from the comeback.

though munhee wrote the song due to her own experiences, your voice carries the same amount of emotion hers does, and it makes the lyrics sound so much more authentic.

seungmin watches from the crowd, he truly thinks he might cry. the rest of the boys are in awe too, some members of gidle clasping their hands over their mouths in surprise.

everyone is used to you doing intricate dances with upbeat music, and they’ve truly never been able to appreciate your vocals.

then it hits the climax of the song, ending with a high note you must complete. as scared you are of heights, you know it’s inevitable. the platforms will go up, whether you like it or not.

its a small space that you have to maintain, but you try your best to focus on the song. and now, you have to sing.

you close your eyes, letting out your voice, and it sounds absolutely angelic. and then you open them again once you hear the low whirring of the platforms.

they all go up. 

except for yours.

nonetheless, you continue singing, determined to keep your professionalism throughout the entire bridge. and then the song ends. the platforms finally lower back down, and all of you wait for your cues to leave.

once you see it, you take a step.

you shouldn’t have.

all of a sudden, your platform shoots all the way up. eight feet in the air. before you have time to process, it wobbles side to side and you fall off.

thud.

seungmin stands up instantly, rushing to get backstage. he doesn’t care how many people hes pushed and shoved, but he needs to know that you’re okay.

and then a shrill scream fills the air, and his heart stops. it feels like your entire foot is about to fall off, the pressure from your fall crushing it under your weight.

he continues running as fast as he can, getting backstage before you can even blink. “baby? oh my god…”

you’re still crying from the pain, being set onto a stretcher for your leg. “it hurts…”

“i know baby… i know. you’ll be okay…”

they finally get you onto a comfortable bed, evaluating the damage to your ankle. luckily there’s no blood, the medics assume that it’s broken.

“seungmin… you’re on soon.”

“i’m not performing. jeongin’s filling in for me today.”

“what? but you practiced…”

“please… let me stay. i just want to help you feel better…”

you grab onto his hand, trying your best to reassure him that you’re okay. he doesn’t budge, so you just give up on it. 

“you did amazing, angel.”

“thank you…”

“no, really. i mean it. you kept it incredibly professional out there. plus the song was way outside your comfort zone, it was just amazing to hear you sing like that.”

“seungmin…”

“i’m going to kill whoever fucking did that to you. normally they’re more careful with these things… i should’ve had them double check or something. i’m sorry”

“hey, it’s not your fault. please don’t worry… it’s just my ankle. i’ll be fine, really.”

“but you’re hurt. if we had done a test before to check… maybe you wouldn’t have to be here…”

you smile, grabbing onto his hand and bringing it up to your lips to plant a small kiss over his wrist. “it was just a malfunction. it was out of our control, min.”

he clutches onto your hand tighter, his heart fluttering when he looks at you again. the black lightning-like streaks paint your face, eyes still slightly glossed over and nose red.

you’re so worn down, but you still look beautiful as ever. he prefers you like this, natural and authentic. you still look just as beautiful, but the black streaks have his heart clenching.

suddenly, he gets up, picking you up and moving you to the side a little. he’s extra careful not to apply any pressure to your ankle. he knows you’re in enough pain already.

he sits down in the empty space next to you, pulling your head to his chest. “you promise you’re okay? no discomfort?”

“it hurts of course, but other than that, no.”

“i’m so sorry…”

“baby, it’s really not your fault.”

he rubs up and down your arms, more so to soothe himself rather than you, and you smile up at him. you place a small kiss on the corner of his lips, as far as you can reach without moving your legs.

“i’m okay…”

“i love you, gorgeous.”

“i love you too, minnie.”

the medics finally come back, telling you that it’s only a fracture. you’re lucky you don’t need a cast, but you still need to heal for a little while.

“thank god you’re okay…”

“seungmin—“

“you’re not going anywhere without me for the next couple days, okay? i’ll take care of you, i promise…”

“seungmin, you really don’t have to—“

he cuts you off again.

“but i want to.”

you giggle again, you didn’t think he’d react this way. but of course he was going to be overprotective, what did you expect?

you lean over to plant one more kiss onto his jaw, and he pulls you onto his lap. “seungmin, i think you’re more upset about this than me…”

“of course i’m upset! they hurt my baby…”

“it doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore… im fine. you don’t have to worry about me.”

he pulls you flush against his chest, nuzzling his face into your neck. you giggle at him, a little confused as to why he’s licking you, but you stop once you realize that it’s not saliva.

they’re tears.

“it could have been so much worse…”

you wipe the tears from his face, smiling once you see him clearly again. “why are you crying?”

he sighs lightly, giggling when he realizes how he’s acting. “nothing, i’m just… glad you’re okay.”

you smile at him, holding his hand again and trying to sit up. it doesn’t work of course, seungmins arms are wrapped tightly around your waist.

“let me go!”

you thrash around in his arms, but he only holds onto you tighter, giggling as he watches. 

“seungmin!”, you whine.

“they said you needed rest!”

“that doesn’t mean you have to be completely attached to me!”

he rolls his eyes playfully, planting a kiss onto the top of your head. “actually, thats exactly what it means.”

“i hate you, kim seungmin.”, you grumble. you turn to look at him, scoffing once you see him wink.

“love you too, babe.”

<3

[honorhearted]

Recommend 6 Blogs? Ones you think should be followed and why.

//Oh gosh, well...this kind of thing makes me leery since I'm always afraid of leaving someone out (I tend to be forgetful, and it's nothing personal), so I'll preface this by saying that if I follow you, I 1,000% think you're worth following! <3 I'm also going to do this in alphabetical order, cuz I don't want to rank anyone either!

1) @brooklynislandgirl ~ Super sweet and friendly, with a very fleshed out, well-written OC. Turtle's pro se always makes me want to try 10,000x harder so that I can match her quality! If I ever wanted to roll in someone's writing like a pile of leaves, hers would be it. <3 I get a lot of joy every time I read her replies.

2) @dreaminganthea ~ A new friend, but no less valuable! I enjoy her OC, as well as the period drama m.emes/posts she reblogs. And it's also fun to chat OOC with her about Ben/Seth, cuz obviously, I need more outlets to be annoying about them lol.

3) @faithhearted & @retrograderesemblance ~ These two are getting tagged as a package deal, cuz they're my ride-or-dies (apologies in advance, and/or my c.ondolences lol). Anyone who's been following me since the beginning shouldn't be surprised to see their names, cuz...well...just look at how often they pop up on my blog lol. I'm always in awe of their diabolical plot ideas, and how much they bring to the table. They research SO much for their OCs, and it honestly puts me to shame. Can't give enough praise in the world! <3

4) @morgansmornings ~ Very kind and fun to talk to, and with a great OC who she's super passionate about. I love all the lore, and seeing how she interacts with Ben. Our thread is definitely more lighthearted than most of mine, and I love that little breather; though I also see the potential for more, which is always the best kind of writing experience. :)

5) @resolutevalor ~ Aly is my oldest mutual! <3 I only created Ben cuz of her Anna, so if you're sick of seeing me here, blame her LoL. I've really been enjoying our Ben/Y.elena interactions lately, and she has a great grasp and passion for all her characters in general. Always great to see her on my dash!

6) @savingthrcw ~ I honestly wasn't sure which of her blogs to tag, cuz they're all great! I first started writing with Ele on her Emma S.wan page, and the chaos began from there lol. She has an insanely intuitive grasp of every character we've ever discussed. Even though I've obviously been (obsessively) studying Ben since 2020, after I convinced Ele to watch TURN, I was always so impressed by her analyses -- and yes, she pointed out some things I'd never truly considered! With that said, she brings that same level of attention to detail with her own muses, and she always has a lot of passion and eagerness to interact with the RPC.

Bonus (cuz I said so!): @marisetcaelum ~ We've been mutuals for a couple years, iirc, but never really got to interact much until now. I'm really enjoying getting to know both them and their OC, Bird, and I have a feeling Bird's going to be too much for Ben to handle lol. Mun's yet another person I've suckered into watching TURN, and I'm not sorry at all. >:)

@ Everyone else: YOU ARE OVERFLOWING WITH TALENT, AND I ADMIRE YOU!!! <3

[coolwyous]

That MEIZINI ROOKIE MEGAN AND CHEERLEADER DANI got so much potential likeeee ur so right zero. thank for feeding that to my head m literally imagining them rn. do u have headcannons for them lmao

-first time anon

AAA BBALL ROOKIE!MEG x CHEERLEADER!DANI HC'S MEIZINI NATION LET ME HEAR U SAY RAHHHH!! i ended up giving them a lil more complicated lore than initially planned but i love a good slow burn so here we go!!

cheerleader!dani my beloved sweetie w trust issues!! she used to cheer for another wnba team and had a very public relationship w another basketball player that ended in her being cheated on :((( very distrustful atp not looking for another relationship any time soon! took a vow of celibacy bc she’s like “im not abt to cloud my judgement” truly wants to be locked in on work and working on herself and being single

sick of seeing her ex all the time so she transfers to a different team to cheer for and ends up with the new york liberty. moves to nyc and is ready for a fresh start!! goes to a party within her first week of moving w some of her new cheer friends bc they're nice and she's trying to build a social life! time to make some new friends or whatever lets do this she's ready to live her best life!

ends up getting a lil too tipsy and hooks up w a random cute stranger!! wakes up in the stranger's apt and she's like "dammit dani ok re-starting ur vow of celibacy as of now," dips without saying a single thing hopes she can forget it ever happened and just focus on herself and her first day of work! <3

surprise bitch ur not gonna forget shit! dani's halfway through cheer practice when the basketball players visit real quick to introduce all the new draft picks. and to absolutely nobody's surprise, imagine dani's irritation to discover that her one night stand is none other than their new rookie forward, megan skiendiel, sprinting up to them like a stupid puppy greeting the cheerleaders like "hi guys! so excited to play for this team! can't wait to see you guys do some sick tricks. i'll cheer super loud for you guys 'cause cheerleaders cheer for everyone but who cheers for the cheerleaders! i'm megan btw!!! 😁😁😁"

dani is SHITTING HERSELF but as soon as megan sees her and recognizes her she's like "oh! you never told me your name! or gave me your number! how was i supposed to ask you out afterwards? 🥺" and dani is shutting it down immediately, "rookie, i don't date athletes, that was a mistake, i need you to pretend it never happened, ok? we work together now" and all megan hears is the athlete part and is like "wait why won't you date me i thought you thought i was cute...."

dani is immediately like oh hell no she's a basketball player and she won't take no for an answer this is a nightmare <3 and within a few weeks dani is regretting it even more bc megan is OBNOXIOUSLY cocky! becomes bff's with the team's biggest fuckboy aka manon like oh hell no it's thing 1 and thing 2 atp of who is the bigger idiot. megan was a lil annoying at first but now that manon is encouraging her the girl becomes a full on menace 💔 manz takes her under her wing and megan is getting caught up in all kinds of insane tomfoolery w her like the only thing worse than one annoying cocky fuckboy is two and dani is suffering fr! very much renee rapp coded "can't believe i let u hit it" literally avoiding her like the plague every time they have to be even in the same room she cannot stand the sight of her 💔💔💔

but lowkey even if megan is annoying and dumb around manon she's always been really sweet to dani, if not a lil arrogant! "dani, you're literally the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, i want you to know i thought about you every single day since the night we met!" and dani is like "stop talking to me 🫶" and walks away but megan actually means it w her whole chest! like it's sincerely not just a pickup line but dani is so jaded and has such a bad experience w basketball players she won't let herself trust that megan has good intentions. so megan decides she's just gotta keep trying!!!!

whereas manon believes in giant huge gestures and being super dramatic in the courting process, megan has a more whimsical and down-to-earth approach!! deadass brings dani an iced vanilla latte every morning without fail once the season starts. "dani! here's a coffee for you," she beams so massively just having an excuse to say good morning to the girl even if dani throws the coffee away or gives it to someone else instead ❤️ literally is never phased by dani's rejections or irritation she is determined to play the long game like no u dont understand that is her SOUL MATE who cares if she's so irritated every time megan speaks, she's gotta win her heart!!! it's not a game to her!!!!

megan goes back and forth between following manon's advice and being a showoff idiot and trying to get her attention on the court vs her own impulses to just say stupid sweet shit and hope dani takes it the right way!!

one day after weeks of dani ignoring megan/trying to avoid her, manon throws a ball at dani just bc she wants to be a pain in the ass bc that's our aaa manon! <3 so annoying <333 dani picks it up and gets SO irritated, absolutely SLAMS the ball back thinking it was megan who sent it only for megan to not be paying attention and as she's turning around, the hard-ass basketball nails her straight in the face 😣

poor meiyok is caught SO off guard and her nose is bleeding immediately! dani realizes it was manon once she sees manon's guilty ass reaction and she immediately feels SO horrible, races up to megan who is trying to pinch her nose to get it to stop bleeding and dani just like "holy shit i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to get you like that" and megan is just like "that was you? good throw!! what are u doin cheering, with an arm like that, we need a new center!! 😁😁”

dani is caught soo off guard she finally cracks! our dani finally SMILES!! megan feels so insanely victorious the girl is on cloud 9, dani is offering her a towel for her nose and megan takes it and they’re walking together to find the medic and it’s the first time they’ve been alone together since they met!! they get to the medical center and dani is so caught off guard by how genuinely sweet megan is. goofy puppy meiyok is like “did i get any blood on your clothes? i'm so so sorry! i'll get them dry cleaned!" and dani’s just like "megan, your nose is broken and you're worried about my warmups?" megan nods and is like "well, yeah? you love those sweatpants. you're always wearing them." which catches dani off guard!! "how did you know that?" n megan just shrugs her little cute shoulders “i just did, sorry, i think i admire you too much when i’m supposed to be focusing!”

dani feels terrible bc she lowkey broke megan’s nose but also very confused bc megan by herself is actually super sweet? goofy and head empty no thoughts just doofus lovergirl rizz. megan gets her nose re-set and dani is like “i’m so sorry again” and megan is just like “i don’t want you to feel guilty about it. we can go on one date and call it even! 😁” and dani is like ughhh okay FINE bc the guilt is eating her alive! finally gives megan her number “we can hang out with sophia and manon but it’s NOT a date” and megan is just like “ok that’s cool shorty i hear you” and as soon as practice is over megan is texting her “HIIIII SO EXCITED FOR OUR DOUBLE DATE!!!”

megan slowly but surely chipping away at daniela’s defenses by being sweet and silly and dorky 🥹 keeps bringing her coffees, keeps showering her w attention and compliments, keeps being just full headass heart eyes whenever she’s around! also keeps being lowkey annoying while on the court (“dani! dani look, this one is for you!!” and makes the 3 pointer bc she’s that good only to immediately crash into another teammate bc she was too busy staring at the cheerleader making sure she saw her lmao) but dani is starting to realize the whole fuckboy thing is more an act than anything else… keeps denying it until she’s blue in the face that she’s catching feelings for the rookie bc falling for another basketball player is her worst nightmare!!!

that’s their lore <3 i feel like whereas aaa maphinz is a very big grand courtship + situationship that turns into more, meizini is the opposite bc daniela is so scared to get hurt and she can’t compartmentalize it all so she keeps megan permanently at a safe distance as she denies her feelings. like VERY slowburn one-sided enemies to friends to lovers bc that’s my favvv ❤️

also random thought i feel like dani waits FOREVER to even let megan just kiss her? makes her wait just to make sure and megan is so so patient w her! doesn’t mind at all bc guess what she is LOCKED IN and whatever she’s gotta do she’s gonna do to prove that she won’t break dani’s heart!!

i also feel like they’re the opposite of maphinz, whereas maphinz when they started dating are super private and secret bc sophia is obsessed w her anonymity, meizini maybe didn’t get the same chance! everyone thinks it’d be megan who let it slip by accident that she’s seeing dani but it was actually dani who got a lil too confident kissing megan in the car or something and then the next morning the internet is BLOWING UP w paparazzi pics!! “ny forward megan skiendiel caught KISSING one of her team’s cheerleaders!” and dani is like oh fuck bc she’s been in a public relationship before and hates the media being involved vs megan is like “OH HELL YEAH we’re all over tmz everyone knows i bagged you!! that’s so sick!! i win i win!” lmao

megan is so puppy bf while still being annoying <3 loves to point at dani during games whenever she’s about to do something stupid like dunk or do some trick shot and dani HATES that megan makes it every time bc she’s forced to cheer each time she makes a shot! rolls her eyes but is secretly like “ugh thats my dork” and then is forced to watch megan emote like an idiot after each point 😔😔😔 lmao. megan insists on dani wearing her jacket to games (“it’s for good luck!” she gives her the big ole puppy eyes) and gets absolutely AMPED when she does bc seeing this cheerleader who she’s been trying to bag for FOREVER pull up to a game repping megan’s number is like god tier in megan’s eyes

[twstjam]

Lost Invitation (Part 2) - Respond, if you please

Sorry, I said half an hour, but blocking people took a bit longer than expected <3 Starting from now I'll be blocking everyone who likes Lost Invitation without reblogging it. If you reblog it onto a sideblog and I've blocked your main, do tell me or you might miss out on updates!!

Characters: Malleus Draconia, Meleanor Draconia, Levan Draconia, Lilia Vanrouge, Silver (brief), Sebek Zigvolt (mentioned), Yuu (mentioned) Word count: 4.6k (sorry, I got carried away writing the draconia fam lol) Summary: You're committed to helping Riddle Rosehearts and his card soldiers in a war against followers of the Jabberwock looking to usurp the rulers of Red and White. You're also in love with a stranger you met in the woods who wants you to run away with him. Whoever said that love and war weren't so different might've been onto something. In your experience, they're both equally difficult. Nobody ever said that you had to choose between one or the other though. Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Prince Malleus Draconia is not lonely.

He hasn't been since before he hatched, his mother had made sure of it. He has faded memories of dozing off to his mother's soft singing, listening to his father's long ramblings, and curling up in the safety of the right-hand general's presence.

After hatching, his mother had doted on him like any prince of the Briar Lands deserved to be. Her and Father had indulged his every whim and desire. The servants bowed and trembled before the wrath of a newly-born dragonling who, though only three feet long, snarled his grievances accompanied by licks of fire and brewing snowstorms. Lilia Vanrouge was the only one to not kneel so easily.

Malleus Draconia was a prince and a hatchling, but Lilia did not treat him as such. Lilia scolded him like he would Mother, a matured dragon, and only complimented or rewarded him when he earned it. Needless to say, he was not favored amongst the little prince's guardians… or so Lilia says as he laments on the times Malleus used to set his hair ablaze. It had enlightened Malleus as to why the general currently wears his hair so short as opposed to the portraits he'd seen, but the prince—as it is the nature of fleeting old memories—cannot vividly recall his caretaker's tales. They also struck him as incredibly odd and he concluded that as an infant he had been a foolish thing (despite his parents' insistence otherwise). After all, Lilia is his most favored caretaker. This favoritism had even led to Malleus seeking Lilia out when he had hidden himself away one day, giving the prince the honor of being the first to meet the general's adopted son.

Silver had been an enigma to him. How could a meek little human infant, a species which his mother mocked frequently for their weakness and stupidity, appeal to a hardened fae general? It was even stranger to him that Mother seemed to completely forget her disdain for humans when she saw the little bundle in Lilia's arms. Though he would never say it aloud, Malleus had felt betrayed when his mother had asked to hold the child and took him from Lilia eagerly.

This little… thing, could not even hold itself up or eat solid food, let alone seek it out itself. It was useless and weak and nothing like the fierce creature Malleus had been when he broke out of his shell. Or at least, that's what Malleus used to think.

Truly, Malleus must not have been as exceptional of an infant as his parents insist. Malleus had spent 20 years crawling, meanwhile Silver mastered walking on two legs in mere months. Instead of cawing and snarling, the child babbled and laughed, elicited smiles from those around him, made warmth swell in Malleus's chest when he called the prince's name for the first time. The boy had still been small, not even 5 years old, and yet he had been able to climb up Malleus's legs and sit on his lap when he had invited him to read with him.

Sebek exhibited similar speed in growth. Malleus had blinked, and suddenly the little halfling had risen from a screeching newt into a strong guard that rivaled his own grandfather. Sebek likes to shadow him, always quick to see to his every need and always eager to win his approval. It's overbearing at some points, but the boy is growing and learning and has come to put his loyalty to use for only matters worthy of it, learning from Lilia and Silver to not merely agree to Malleus's every breath.

The revelation for such a change brought all four of them closer. It's not rare to see the two young knights by the prince's side, the former general watching after them from not far off.

Suffice to say, Malleus Draconia is not lonely. Absolutely not.

As a matter of fact, he quite likes being alone; the peacefulness of isolation, the escape from his demanding responsibilities. He has to return to the castle at some point of course. He has duties to his kingdom, but no matter how brief, he takes the opportunity to have some time for himself. To have some time to indulge his desires instead of being Prince Malleus; to be away from the expectations of his subjects and parents and instead cater to only himself.

He never quite expected to meet someone searching for something similar. At the very least, not at the same place, and you continued to surprise him in ways he could have never imagined.

After all, who could have predicted that a revered dragon prince of the fae would fall in love with a human?

----

Perhaps to any other, days at Wild Rose Castle could be considered dull, either because of the dim lighting and black walls or the castle staff that always hurry by without a whisper of a breath and with bowed heads.

If one were to ask Malleus however, he would say that days at the castle are always hectic. It's a good day when the castle is serenely dark and gloomy, but on others…

"Your DISGRACE of an offspring is a pathetic sprite unworthy of my son! How DARE you even consider a courtship between them?!"

Lightning fills the throne room with a bright purple light. Three aristocrats yelp and scramble to avoid the strikes of lightning coming down from the ceiling. Princess Meleanor's glare is deadly as she lifts and aims her staff to bring down another volley of lightning.

"P-p-please forgive us for our transgressions, your excellency!" the patriarch weeps as his family collapses to the floor in frantic bows. From his throne, Malleus can see the family's young heir trembling with choked sobs. His mother isn't the least bit appeased, her glare hardening and her staff crackling with power.

"ENOUGH! I will not tolerate any more nonsense out your blabbering mouth! You have come into my home, insulted my son, and dirtied my floor!" Meleanor raises her staff with a furious snarl. The magic surrounding it strikes the ceiling and deflects into multiple bolts of lightning throughout the throne room. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AND DO NOT DARKEN MY DOORSTEP EVER AGAIN!"

The nobles scramble back onto their feet and skitter out with fearful screams. The wails of Malleus's attempted suitor echo through the halls of the castle until the doors slam shut behind them.

Meleanor raises her head proudly, huffing a satisfied plume of smoke out of her nostrils. Beside the sighing Lord Levan, Lilia Vanrouge has his head in his hands.

"What nerve, to ask permission for our Malleus's hand whilst showing such disrespectful behavior!" Meleanor spins around with a flare of her cloak and seats herself on her throne, one leg crossed over the other. "I should have incinerated that child where they stood!"

"I'm quite certain your outburst had spoken the message quite clearly, my lady," Lilia says with no small amount of disapproval.

"I agree with Lilia." Malleus's mother whirls around to face him with a betrayed expression on her face. "It is no fault of theirs that I failed to give my full attention to them. They had every right to call out my rude behavior."

Meleanor scowls and tosses her head again. "If you exhibit overly courteous behavior then those stuck-up aristocrats will become too comfortable to speak ill of you. As a dragon, you must present yourself as one!"

"That courteousness is the only reason the staff does not perish within breathing distance of him," Lilia argues. Meleanor shoots him a glare but he isn't deterred. "The poor boy already has issue forming relationships. Your volcanic temper is not doing him any favors."

"I will deal with those interested in the future king of the Briar Lands and my son however I wish! In case you have forgotten, I am your princess and his mother!"

"He is 178, he is not a hatchling, Meleanor!"

"Regardless of his age I have no intention of allowing him to be mistreated or his heart to be broken."

"At the expense of others?!"

"Yes!"

"Ah, there he goes."

Meleanor straightens up from how she had been bent over to glare at the short general and they both look over at Levan. They follow his gaze and briefly see Malleus's tail slipping out of the throne room.

"Darling!" Meleanor gathers her skirt to dash after her son. As Malleus makes his escape, Lilia groans and slumps over the arm of Levan's throne. His friend pats his back in sympathy.

"You really must do something about that wife of yours," Lilia grumbles. Levan laughs nervously, but there's also fondness in his eyes.

"She is simply doing what she thinks is best for our son."

"It isn't and you know it is!" Lilia huffs, craning his neck to glare up at the lord. The corvid fae smiles sweetly and leans towards him with his elbows resting on the armrest.

"Have I told you how much cuter you look when you're angry?"

Lilia sputters, face turning vibrant red. "Be serious!"

"I am serious," Levan hums as he reaches to tuck some hair behind Lilia's ear. The other general swats his hand away and he laughs at the flustered pout on the smaller fae's face. "I pity those nobles, truly I do, but like you and I, I have a feeling our Meleanor knows that our young prince is keeping a secret. So at the end of the day, there is no harm done, hm?"

Lilia gapes and blinks at Levan in bewilderment.

"He told you?"

Levan smiles secretively, a hint of mischievousness in his eyes. He must know as much as Lilia does then, and though he is relieved to know that his friend is supportive of Malleus's feelings, he still dreads the inevitable of Meleanor discovering it for herself. Meleanor is both temperamental and viciously protective of her child, especially since his life had been threatened after she laid his egg during the human invasion centuries ago. It's quite easy to imagine her most likely reaction to her son being interested in courting a human.

"He did. He also requested assistance from me." Levan looks up and his eyes brighten. "There it is now."

Levan waves his hand. Lilia's keen ears catch the sound of beating wings and he turns around to see a window opening. A raven flies into the throne room and settles on Levan's offered arm. The bird caws a greeting to Lilia before bowing its head to the lord.

"Welcome back, my friend," Levan coos as he strokes its wing. "What news do you bring from the Rose Queendom?"

Lilia perks up at mention of the Rose Queendom and looks at the bird with interest. The familiar makes a series of clicks and squawks. Lilia isn't the most fluent in corvid speak so he waits for Levan to translate, but when he looks to his friend, the other fae's smile has turned into an ominous frown.

"…It's not good news, I'm guessing."

----

Malleus typically finds comfort in isolation. It brings him the silence he requires to think and focus on both official and personal matters. Unfortunately though, for his current predicament, his most trusted method of comfort only seems to distress him more.

The conflict between the Rose and Lily Queendoms is taking it's toll on you. It's inevitable—He sees it a lot in Father and Lilia, how their gazes would sometimes look haunted by ghosts unseen to him even when doing the most mundane tasks —but that does not mean Malleus has to like it, or that either him or you should simply allow it to wear you down.

Sometimes, when he is speaking with you, you would get a faraway look in your eyes, lost in thought. During those moments the bags beneath your eyes look more prominent, your body thinner, your skin paler. You would apologise for losing track of the conversation and Malleus would excuse it, but within his chest a pit grew deeper and deeper, filling with irrational concern for you.

The desire to hoard and care for those most cherished to him isn't a foreign feeling to Malleus. He recalls that at a young age he would nest with his parents at night and steal Lilia and his father's weapons to stop them from leaving the castle for their duties. Now, he watches over Silver while he sleeps and sits at the water's edge when Sebek practices his swimming.

It is something normal for dragons to want their loved ones happy and safe, but the way he feels it with you is incomparable. He cares for you, (which had initially surprised him, to care for a strange human) there's no doubt about it, but more than anything else he wants to be the one to care for you, to ensure your safety. To take you away and tuck you inside his wings, to gift you all the luxuries you could ever need so that you would no longer be hurt or troubled.

And the strangest thing? He desires the same thing from you as well. For you to care for him, cherish him, want him, love him. For you to take his hand and let him whisk you away to somewhere the two of you could see and speak to each other every day, where you could sit and listen contentedly to him and him to you and help him with his woes like he wishes to help you with yours.

Confiding in Lilia had been what led him to realise his feelings for you. The older fae's recollection of his parents' courtship had been… concerning, but it reassured Malleus that his desires were not unusual and that, most importantly, his beloved caretaker accepted you.

It had taken more courage to approach Lord Levan, but he should have known that his understanding father would support him wholeheartedly. At Malleus's request, his father had sent one of his ravens to the Queendom and Malleus now spends almost every waking moment anxious for its return.

Telling his mother about you is… another matter entirely.

You were right that it wouldn't be wise to bring you into his home. He loves his mother, but like him, she possesses the nature of the dragon. She is caring, excessively so, and… incredibly protective, to say the least.

And to say that Malleus is fearful of her discovering his romantic feelings for you, a human—a race she loathes with her entire being—is an understatement.

You are fearless, perhaps a little foolish, but not saneless. She will chase you off as she has many others. The incident today was only one of many.

Regardless of his mother's ill manners and your reluctance to be with him, Malleus's heart does not stop yearning and yearn he does as he sits alone in his rose garden, innocent red rose in hand, plucking each poor petal after the other as his thoughts whirl around his mind uselessly.

Perhaps he should have been more insistent. Perhaps he should have taken you back anyway. Perhaps—

"Malleus?"

The click of his mother's heels on the garden's stone path grow louder with each approaching step. Meleanor appears beneath the rose arch to the gazebo and Malleus hurriedly brushes off the petals that have gathered on his lap.

"There you are. I have been looking for you, dear." Mother smiles as she walks up the steps of the gazebo, the long train of her skirt dragging behind her. She eyes the rose petals scattered around him. "What are you doing?"

"Ah. I am picking rose petals… for tea." His mother raises an eyebrow at his reluctant tone so he quickly diverts the topic. "Am I needed somewhere, Mother?"

"No, no." Meleanor sweeps up her cloak to that it isn't trampled beneath her when she takes a seat next to him. "I was merely worried." With gentle claws, she cradles Malleus's chin and lifts his gaze to hers. "I did not scare you, did I?"

"No—" Never, he wants to say. Even if she can summon the most destructive storms and move mountains with a snap of her fingers, Malleus can never be afraid of his mother, but the churning feelings in his gut lodges the words in his throat.

Malleus pulls away from her touch, looking away before he can see her frown. "I apologise, Mother. I exhibited behavior unbecoming of a prince in front of our visitors."

Instead of reprimanding him, his mother laughs. She's always so self-assured; with her magic, with her choices. It's one of the many things he admires but also envies about his mother. If only he can reach that point of confidence in his life much sooner.

"My silly little beast. There is nothing to apologise for," his mother coos, brushing a lock of hair out of his face with a careful talon. "You did no harm. After all, you have been so distracted because you already have your eye on someone, don't you?"

Malleus turns towards his mother, wide-eyed, and her eyes glitter with excitement as she grins.

"How did you—" Malleus stops himself. How is he supposed to tread this? "…Did Father tell you?"

Meleanor's smile falls. "No, but I am hurt you chose to tell him before me."

Malleus swallows. He laces his fingers together in an effort to make himself feel less unsteady. "How do you know, then?"

"Come now, you didn't think a mother would not be able to see that her son has fallen in love, did you?" Meleanor giggles behind her claws, eyes bright with eagerness. She leans in towards her son and lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Tell me, tell me; what are they like? How did you meet? And most importantly: When will I meet them?"

Malleus opens his mouth and pauses. What does he tell her? Every scale on his being is restless, eager at the presented opportunity to talk about you, but certainly, he cannot tell his mother about you. About your humanity. She would, as Lilia frequently describes it, erupt. He did not need that display from earlier in the throne room to know this well.

(He grew up all his life with it after all; His mother losing her head at every slight insult or threat towards him and striking it with bolts of lightning until it runs away screaming.)

Malleus does not fear his mother, let alone resent her, but he does rather often catch himself wondering what it would be like if she were not so hot-headed.

"They are…" Malleus quickly trails off as soon as the attempt begins. He glances at his mother warily. She is giving him her full attention. The support should be encouraging, but the dread within him only increases. "You cannot meet them."

His mother reels back as if he had shocked her with electricity. Her eyes widen and then narrow. Her brows furrow and her lips pull into a displeased pout.

"Whyever not? …Are you ashamed of me?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Embarrassed, perhaps?"

"Far from it."

"Then do you fear that I would scare them off?"

"Yes— Ah, I mean—!" Malleus screws his mouth shut and looks away again. Meleanor chuckles in amusement.

"Silly beast," she tuts. Behind him, Malleus's tail thumps agitatedly and she twines her own around it to soothe him. "I am flattered that you think so highly of me, but I assure you that any mate worthy of you will not cower so easily before me."

Malleus wraps his tail around his mother's offered one, but his expression is one of scepticism. "How do you know for certain? Do you truly have so much faith in my choice of a partner?"

"Oh, of course not! You are still just a little beast after all," Meleanor teases with a light pinch to his cheek. "What I mean is that, whoever you choose, we shall know if they are truly the correct mate for you if they remain beside you regardless of any trials."

"Oh… I see…" Malleus lowers his head. He clasps his hands tightly together. He can still remember the phantom feeling of your own hands on them, of you pulling away from him. Of him watching your retreating back after once more rejecting his offer to take you away.

"Darling?" His mother places her hands on his and the memory fades away. "Is something the matter?"

"I… I want you to meet them, truly I do, but…" Your face flashes before his eyes again, with it your shy smile and your voice whispering,

"Someday."

Malleus gathers his resolve and faces his mother. "Not anytime soon, I fear."

His mother pouts again. "Oh, come now—!"

"I don't think they would fear you." There's no way to know for certain until you actually meet her, but it is something he's fairly confident in. "It is that… they are currently occupied and will not be able to make time to come to our lands in the near future."

Meleanor's eyes light up with newfound interest. "Oh? They are not of the Briar Fae?"

Malleus bites his lip anxiously. "Er, no. They are—"

A bird sings overhead. The two dragons on the gazebo lift their heads and see a silver-haired knight walk through the rose arch.

"Lady Meleanor, Lord Malleus." Silver dips into a quick bow and rises again. "I apologise for interrupting."

"Oh, Silver! What a pleasant surprise. Have you finished your training today? Come, come. It has been too long since we last spoke." Meleanor beckons to the young knight to sit next to her.

"Er, if I recall correctly, we spoke just this morning—!"

Meleanor doesn't let him hesitate for long. She crooks her finger and wisps of purple magic tug on his uniform until he's standing on the gazebo.

"I apologise profusely, my lady," Silver stammers as her magic fades off of his clothes. "But I'm afraid I cannot stay long, my father requests to see Lord Malleus—"

"Does he!" Meleanor's eyebrows are arched, her expression devious in a way both boys know does not hold good intentions for their respective fathers. "How fortunate, I was hoping to speak to him about Malleus."

"Mother—"

"Lady Meleanor—"

Before either boy could get a word in, magic begins to swirl around the princess's fingers and she chants, "Come, my eyes and ears, my wings and feet."

Magic swirls and shimmers around her. Beneath her feet, her shadow ripples, and a raven bursts out of it with a frantic caw.

"Now why are you in such a hurry?" Meleanor tuts, easily catching the bird out of the air before it could fly off. The bird squawks and flaps its one wing that hadn't managed to be caught in her hand. She directs a firm gaze on it and it freezes, letting a pathetic noise out of its beak. Malleus winces in sympathy.

"Where is my Right?" Meleanor looks down at her shadow, displeased, but quickly smiles again when she turns to Silver. "Give me a hand, dear."

With them pointing downwards, Meleanor pinches together the thumb and forefinger of her free hand. She makes a pulling motion and a squealing bat emerges out of Silver's shadow. It manages to escape the princess's grasp on it but only briefly before she catches it by its legs.

The bat squeaks and screams, no doubt profanities blasphemous when directed at the crown princess, but she is unfazed. Silver looks down at the poor creature apologetically as it clings to his uniform in an attempt to shake off the dragoness's claws.

"What is the matter with you? Stop behaving so childishly. Look, your son is being much more mature than you, how embarrassing." Meleanor forces the bat to let go of the boy and holds it upside down, continuing to be unfazed as it claws at her lace gloves angrily. "You should know better than to ignore a summons from your mistress."

She shakes the bat in a not-so-gentle manner and the animal grows in size and changes shape until Lilia is hanging by the ankles. The raven does the same, but Meleanor lets Levan go so he can perch on her arm more comfortably.

"—the matter with you! You absolutely insane princess!" Lilia yells once he's finally taken his two-legged form again.

"Yes, you're very adorable, dear," Meleanor says dismissively with a pinch to his nose. Lilia hisses at her, but despite his complaints there's no real heat to them and he calms down quickly. "Now, my loves, when were the two of you going to tell me that a secret someone has caught our Malleus's interest?"

"I sincerely apologise, darling," Levan says mournfully, and any amount of aggression in his wife's expression fades away when he pecks a kiss on her cheek. "but it was not our secret to tell."

"Alright, I suppose I can forgive that. I'm sorry, dears." Meleanor looks at her son and husband fondly but scowls when she turns to Lilia. "Not you."

Lilia sticks his tongue out at her without remorse. With difficulty, he twists around to address Silver. "You've found Malleus! Well done, my boy."

"Thank… you, Father."

"What is it that you wished to speak to me about?" Malleus asks, tilting his head in an effort to meet Lilia's eyes. The bat fae exchanges a look with the prince's father and then glances at the princess holding him captive.

"Perhaps we should wait until later—"

"Wonderful, since I wished to speak to both of you about a different matter." Meleanor's expression turns into a deceptively sweet one that immediately has Lilia's face souring. "My loves, would you tell Malleus that you also desperately wish to meet this secret potential mate of his?"

She flutters her eyelashes for good measure. Malleus sighs and shakes his head.

"Mother…"

"I know what you said, but perhaps with encouragement from all three of us we can twist a few rules…"

"Actually, my love, what we wish to discuss concerns this… person." Meleanor raises an inquisitive eyebrow at her husband sitting on her arm.

"What?" All eyes turn to Malleus. The prince suddenly rises from his seat, pupils thinned to slits. Leftover rose petals scatter to his feet. "Has something happened to them?"

"I apologise, Malleus, but Lilia is right." Levan casts a quick look towards Meleanor and Malleus understands immediately.

Meleanor looks frustratedly between her son and husband, unhappy at being the only one uninformed. "Now what is this about? Why are you so reluctant to speak of this person within my presence?"

Lilia purses his lips, determined to not say a thing, meanwhile Levan looks towards his son again meaningfully.

Malleus takes a breath.

"It is what I have been meaning to tell you. Mother…" Malleus glances at Silver standing to the side, at attention. "Silver is a human."

Meleanor blinks. She looks at Silver, back at Malleus, and then bursts into laughter.

"But of course he is, silly beast!"

Malleus attempts to continue, but she doesn't stop laughing like it's the most hilarious joke she's heard in a century. He looks to his father helplessly. Levan gives him an encouraging smile but the doubt that twitches the edges of his lips isn't very reassuring. Meanwhile, Lilia sighs exasperatedly and Silver frowns in confusion.

"Well, Mother…" Meleanor keeps laughing and the longer the seconds tick by the more his confidence falters. Perhaps… If he says it now, she won't hear and she can remain in ignorant bliss. "This person I am in love with is a human as well."

The laughter stops so abruptly that the deadly silence sounds as loud as a crash of thunder.

"What."

[tw1sty-b1tch]

distortion..? we need to talk.

do we now¿?

..yes. i have uh- a few questions..¿?

the watcher's influence on you is rather clear.

christ you're insufferable... can you just answer my questions..? i want to know your side of this, afterall.

you're reminding me of the archivist here, how unfortunate.

miss robinson-? forget it. just, i'd like to know why you resent me so much, the insults you've been hurling seem.. personal. and, uh, if it's not too much to ask? maybe why you seem to care so deeply about the lavender character, despite being a - well - monster..? i'll consider hearing out you over lilac if you do..?

.. very well then. the reason i - how did you put it? - resent you so much is because i became michael. you. that map gertrude gave you.. it allowed you to ruin the ritual, our twisting, and in the process? you became me. i have to be michael now. have to have an identity. apotheosis, i called it once. i would speak of the agony of it all, of an identity being shoved and forced into a being where the absence of one js crucial, of the sheer torment of having to witness your own mind remolding and twisting and spiralling, until the only thing you're aware of is delusion and your own overwhelming pain. yet i lack the words to truly describe the whole experience. that's the thing, about incomprehensibility. try as you might, you will never have the words to describe it. and that's the beauty of it all, i suppose.

do believe me when i say it is not exclusively you i blame. you were a fool, yes, yet not the only one who played their part. gertrude robinson, one so adept at lying she could give es mentiras a run for our money, at points. you viewed her maternally, at points, did you not? lavender was.. somewhat similar. you ask me how i seemed to have feelings if i'm a monster. you seem to forget, somewhere deep down, a part of michael shelley still lives. a putrid stain on this being, yes, but he still has mild influence over things at points, though i'm hardly keen to admit it. somehow, i managed to.. get attached, shall we say, to lavender. and i am of the opinion it was reciprocated, hence my resentment towards the not!them creature. does this suffice as an explanation¿?

i- uh- wow. that's.. a lot. thank you..?

don't get used to it.

@lavender-anon-tma // :3

[petruchio]

i've been looking for some sotr criticism after reading the book and thank god i found you! i totally do think that this was a cash grab even more than ballad. like .. the way lionsg*te already had the idea of a movie even before the book came out? when i read ballad for the first time i thought that it kind of worked on his own. not that i was that interested in snow's history, but it was interesting to see the perspective of capitol's citizens, how war impacted them etc. and lucy gray was a character i enjoyed, it made sense with the trilogy canon because our eyes were katniss' and she never has a clue (about almost nothing). but with sotr? everything that was already clear in the og trilogy - the rebellion being always there with 13 plotting since the dark days etc - .. all gone to hell. everything felt forced, as if collins tried hard to 1 play with all the things we couldn't know because again, our pov was katniss pov and 2 make us cry. do i really have to buy this romance story about how haymitch was this kind of lover boy back in his teenage years? how his life is miserable now and he's an alcoholic because he lost his family and the "love of his life" when he was 16 when katniss makes a point telling us that probably he's like that for the simple reason that is hard enough to mentor 2 kids every year that are, inevitably, going to die? and oh! let's not forget that his birthday also falls on reaping day. it's like collins tried so hard to give haymitch every excuse to be the man we have known for 3 books without it feeling earned - and i can say the same for lenore. i felt almost nothing for her? their love story felt flat and almost annoying at times; collins keeps on telling us how much sorry we should feel and how we should think about the dynamics between the characters (haymitch calling mayselee "sis" is another example and also him being best pals with katniss' dad) as if we can't read or feel or think on our own (the irony in all of this!). there's no room for thought, for reflection, for mystery. truly, this book adds nothing new because everything she shows us we've already felt and known for years. yeah capitol's brutal, the propaganda is there (lmao wasn't katniss aware at one point in cf that she had to pretend her whole life, that she was basically handcuffed to peeta in order to protect her own family and, also, that she couldn't protect the children that she was supposed to bore not for her own happiness or out of love but for panem's sake, as snow kept on reminding her?), no one really wins the hunger games etc. what collins was trying to do, what she was trying to say, really? because i'll never buy into the "she writes only when she has something to say" when clearly this two books were written for the movies (lol i can see another one coming because maude? i know she's cooking something already about her, about another covey girl that she'll try to paint as a rebel or something like that). what about cinna! it's almost like the fandom totally forgot about him and his reasons/plans around the rebellion. we used to speculate so much back in the day because why a capitol citizen would risk his life for the districts? what was going on in his life, his family, and what kind of life he had that he felt so much attached to katniss from the beginning?

lol it all felt like a what if fanfic, i can't wrap my head around the thought that this is a printed book. a CANON book. perharps im a hater, but for me this is what the cursed child is to the hp fandom 😓

yeah anon i had a similar experience reading it, i was like tbh i should've just printed out some of the good haymitch's games fanfics and read them bc that was legit how i felt reading it

i don't have much to add bc you said it all but i will say i agree about lenore dove. in general (and i've written about this many times before!) i find it hard to get invested in a romance that begins off screen. like, i don't see much intrigue in the author just being like "these two characters LOVE each other and have a ton of chemistry, TRUST ME" because it's like well, why should i care? without seeing it or having it be developed on the page it just feels kind of meaningless, it feels more like a plot point than an actual intriguing romance or actual compatibility between the characters. what does lenore dove like about haymitch? what does he actually like about her? it's hard for me to tell since they barely interact outside of like, a couple makeouts and a random phone call where they just repeat that they love each other

and yeah this book was clearly not written because she had something to say, it was clearly written because the tbosas movie made a huge profit and someone (sc herself or lionsgate or whoever) was like waiitttttt there's more money to be made here. and it's just like UGH. you know where there's also money to be made? A NEW STORY. ONE THAT IS GOOD. ONE THAT IS ORIGINAL. ONE THAT EXPLORES THESE TOPICS IN A NUANCED AND SUBTLE BUT STILL INFORMED AND THOUGHTFUL WAY. COME ON. like i love thg but let's let it die!!! it's ok!! we can do new things now!! the fans are here and we'll be writing insane fanfiction forever. give us a new story now. we'll probably write insane fanfiction about that one too.

[gordonradiotv]

A (Long Overdue) Celebration

Ah, hello, Readers!

It's Jox again! Some of you probably knew me as "Toony" back in the day, but it's been a looong while since I used that name. And it's been a long while since this blog ended!

On May 23rd, 2020 I started this little ask blog not expecting it to become much. But because of all of you, it blew up into something absolutely incredible! I wish I had the words to describe how this blog changed my life. I met my fiance because of this blog. I met lifelong friends. I gained the confidence to pursue independent passion projects like my webcomic Tip The Ferrymen and others. It's kinda insane to think a tumblr ask blog based on the haha funny HL youtube series would've had such an impact on my life.

So, I wanted to do something to celebrate the blogs 4 anniversary! Unfortunately we are a bit late to the mark due to some wild stuff that happened earlier this year, but better late than never! But finally it is done and finally Tumblr let me actually upload these lmfao. Without further ado, I want to announce:

GordonRadioTV's Soundtrack has been FULLY remastered!

With help from my lovely creative partner and fiance @stygiuscantus , the soundtrack for this blog has been fully remastered! Now, you can experience the whole story again with a fresh coat of paint. The tracks are also available on Selene's bandcamp, they're "pay what you want" as well! If you want to support Selene's work, here's a good place to do it!

I am also aware that some of you may be disappointed that the old tracks are gone, but for extremely private reasons that I will not be disclosing I no longer feel comfortable having those tracks up on this blog. To me, this is a fresh start to a project I hold dear to my heart and allows me to experience it all over again. I have loved every moment of working with Selene and she has put so much heart and effort into this, so cheers to new beginnings!

Selene herself also wanted to say a few words, which are included here:

"Four years ago, a friend of mine linked a little blog called GordonRadioTV in one of our Discord servers. Being fixated on HLVRAI at the time, I quickly checked it out, only for it to genuinely, actually make me laugh. I think I read all of the chapters up to that point (up to 3, I think?) in one go, because it was such a novel storytelling medium to me, and I was immediately enraptured. Little did I know that this little funny Half-Life blog would quite literally change my life, introducing me to new friends, inspiring me to experiment with my own art forms, and helped me find the love of my life, to whom I now life with together and am engaged to. Whenever Jox needed a new composer, I jumped in to help on short-notice, giving myself a brief crash-course on music theory to do so. I started this project months ago in the hopes that I would get it done in time for the anniversary, but, well, making 20 tracks takes a long time. I tried to put a lot of thought and love into each track, with each character having their own instrumental motif, and even some melodic motifs (namely for Gordon and Benrey). I truly hope that all of you like it; I am honored to be a part of the legacy of something that's so important to me."

-Selene Highchurch

Thank you all for everything. I have said it a million times, and I wish I had a new way to phrase it, but this blog means so much to me. This project means so much. Your support means so much to me. These stories are mine as much as they are yours, so much of this story wouldn't have existed without your participation. Thank you for being here. Thank you for playing.

And to alter the words of a certain scientist...

You've changed my life, everyone. I'd like to think it was for the better.

I don't know whats going to happen to us once this blog is done for good, but I know I'll never forget you. I hope you won't forget me.

Well...This is where I get off.

Goodbye, Readers!

[inconvenienttrekkie04]

Back in March I read a fanfic so good it made me consider writing fanfic myself. This fic is called “rage is a quiet thing” by @islandoforder here on tumblr and after I read it I immediately read it again and then sent them an ask for permission to write a post about a few of their buddie fics. This post will be only about “rage is a quiet thing” but there are more posts in the works, I am simply a slow writer and a big word lover because I had to condense my notes down to what you are reading now. (Like literal notes, like notebooks and notepads and even 1(one) post-it!)

So onto my “review”(?). The fic starts by assuring the reader that Chris is home and healing and so instantly a lot of tension is released.( I am a big fan of this as I love Chris and feel that he is underutilized as a character) Chris is home, he and Eddie are figuring their relationship out slowly but surely, Buck is there, supporting and loving as he always is and that's where the plot starts. Buck gets a call from his mother that we immediately learn is because of a medical emergency his father had and that she is calling Buck to help support her during this time. Unfortunately this means going back to Pennsylvania and being trapped in a house with his mother at least until his father is home. Eddie obviously invites both himself and Chris to go with Buck to Pennsylvania which he luckily accepts and thus our story truly starts. That's all I'll say about the plot as I honestly believe all buddie fans should read this fic but there will be some spoilers because like I will be sharing some of my favorite quote at the end of this post of course and some plot points but they shouldn’t like ruin the story if you decide to read this post instead of just checking the fic out.

The fic reads as a kind of unfortunate family vacation with Buck sharing his hometown with Eddie and Chris eager to learn more about his childhood while the Buckley parents kind of loom over them in the background. The clear love,care, and patience that Buck, Eddie, and Chris show for each other in this story really just helps enforce to the reader how much of a family they truly are.

Coming from the perspective of realism in this story, it is also unfortunately very realistic. I've personally been the person called in after a medical emergency to provide support and been treated in a similar way to Buck, luckily it wasn't by my parents but to be treated like that by family can still sting deeply. Being called on for support by someone who you thought would never love you or want to be loved by you at least in the way you wanted them to. The call from Margaret to Buck, after reading the story, kind of feels like the call of execution, it means pain and anguish and ultimately resignation to the fact that there is nothing he can change whether about the situation or about the relationship with his parents, its kind of the beginning of the end.

Despite the Buckleys ever looming in the background the story itself is actually very fluffy. Some highlights include

-Cute Buckley Sibling photos/mementos

-Chris seeing snow!!

-Diaz boys+Buck Snowball Fight!!

-CHOCOLATE WORLD!!!

-Lunch with Omar <3

-Gubbins!! (Which before this fic I did not know existed)

-Domestic Buddie throughout obviously

And now my favorite quotes + lines (Most of these you can tell who's talking but the mystery is to encourage you to find out for yourself)

-“Buck being hurt is a family emergency.”

(This next 4 all in a series, all Chris)

-“Does Buck like his parents?”

-“Do you like his parents”

-“Do Buck's parents like him?”

-“Who wouldn't like Buck?”

– ‘Eddies not lying to his son anymore’

-“She's wrong about you. She's so incredibly wrong about you.”

-“A week ago?!”

-“Not now.”

-“I only really settled in when you and Maddie arrived.”

-“His parents are a team.”

-“I'm not Maddie.”

-“Why am I here?”

-“…Why tell the truth?”

-“Oh, Buck.”

-“I think I forget that you haven't always been with me, that there are experiences we don't share.”

-“They're supposed to love me.”

-‘It implodes over breakfast’

-“Why do you even want me here?”

-“I don't”

For those who read this whole post here are some of my annotations that I think are funny

-Chim just deadass said they are bad parents and people lol

-Chris out here asking the hard-hitting questions

- Buck is tearing up a lot (in a good way)

-Eddie try not to be bitchy challenge

-Mention of the events over the year “rough”, understatement of the year lol

-Doug jumpscare (lol)

- Everbody loves Jee!!!

-Margaret is awake 🤮

Anyways I genuinely felt the need to share this fic because it gave me a warm happy feeling in my tummy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63756067

Heres the link but if that doesn't work I'm sorry its my first time posting a review about a fic. Its rage is a quiet thing by oceanofchaos