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holly-fixation · 1 year ago

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Fallen Silver: Ch3

Summary: Sephiroth is MIA. Second Class Rhapsodos and Third Class Hewley are tasked with locating and finding him. The public does not know of this disappearance. No one was prepared for the truth.

Wars do not end until one side surrenders. Wutai was far stronger than they thought.

Trigger Warning: Self harm (unintentional)

(More notes at the end)

Chapter 3: Repeat

“This is SOLDIER Third Class: Angeal Hewley regarding directive SMIA. We found him.”

“Then put him back on the front. Why are you calling us?”

“He’s severely wounded. We need a chopper to Midgar.”

“He’s HIM. It can’t be severe.”

“I cannot give any more details on this line. Send a medical team right now or Shinra will have your funeral after his.”

There was a pause. “...Sending a team now. Be ready for transport in three hours. After the payload is sent, return to the front lines with Rhapsodos.”

“Understood.”

It was a conversation he should have heard, something he should’ve forced his focus on, but he did not gain a single word as he begged his red haired friend to stay close no matter what. He hated everything, hated every word out of his mouth, but they broke free despite his best efforts. He didn’t understand what was happening. He was so weak, feeble, useless.

The desperation crescendoed as Angeal returned.

He reached for them constantly. Each moment without their touch spiked his agony against his understanding. With both of them, his meager train of thought remained on track. Slow, yes, but on track. The moment he lost contact with either of them, it crashed. They adjusted for him, for his need, and encouraged him to be calm. He tried to obey. He stayed still once his wounds were cleaned and wrapped. Only his friends mattered.

All was almost well until the medical team arrived.

“We'll take him from here.” A team of four approached and shooed Genesis and Angeal away.

“W-wait…” Sephiroth reached for his friends even as he was lifted to the gurney. “Don't go…!”

“It's alright. We got you. We'll fix everything at HQ.”

“No…!” He tried to turn, tried to lift himself off the platform. Two medics held him down. “Genesis…! Angeal…! Come back…!”

“They have to stay here. Those are their orders.”

“No!” Like a child's temper tantrum, he denied their words, thrashing with all his remaining might. Perhaps his strength too was childish. “No! Please! Come back! Come BACK!” The desperation spiked as his pained groans nearly formed a scream.

The lead EMT shouted the final order, “Bring them over here now!”

Angeal and Genesis rushed to his sides, and suddenly Sephiroth's rebellion quelled, his body relaxing as he held Angeal's hand to his head as if checking for a fever. They ignored their orders and stayed by him through every step of discovery until the moment in the lab where he fell silent as a sleeping babe, until the first moment every cell in his body released the need to be near them.

* * *

Sephiroth did not know how much he needed them now.

“Sephiroth, what happened?” Genesis’s voice hit the muffled air.

His inhuman eyes scanned the dead dragon as strands of its lifestream bubbled to the surface, its soul slowly leaving its body.

“SOLDIER First Class: Sephiroth.”

The silver soldier snapped to attention, empty mako eyes piercing him.

Angeal sighed, hating using his title against him. “Report.”

“I spotted this fortress. I went into the wilderness to find a dragon. I led the dragon here as a precaution. When I returned, not a single Wutaian remained. And I found this,” he held up a broken gong, one solid piece with a massive crack straight through the center, before flipping it around. There was a message carved in native Wutaian.

Three alone is strong. One alone is solid. Two alone is balance.

Two with one is unpredictable. Scales break with imbalance.

Angeal’s brows knotted. “I don’t understand…”

“They’re saying what we already know.” Genesis looked up at Sephiroth. “That letting you run wild will kill us all.”

He did not acknowledge the comment. “This is a warning. Two functional gongs remain. We need to find out where.”

“Sephiroth-”

“We need to find them before they cause more damage.”

“Hold on,” the dark haired man took the carved instrument before it cracked in the First’s grip.

“Morale is exponentially low. This trend will continue unless I regain strength in their eyes. We must handle this before news travels to Midgar. My misstep could be forgiven if we pull through.”

“Maybe if you stop running ahead, we could handle this together.”

“Genesis-” Angeal tried to cut him off.

“No he needs to hear this!”

Sephiroth stared through them. “You can’t order me to do anything. I outrank you. I am your superior-”

“Then this is mutiny, Sephiroth!”

The word hit the silver soldier like a brick to the chest, the slight stiffening of his posture the only visible reaction.

“So you listen to me. Because I'll take these men, all of whom have followed my orders for the entirety of your capture, and we will rise against you for the sake of your self preservation, so help me Goddess.”

“Genesis, that's top secret,” Angeal tried to warn.

“All these men saw him collapse without reason. There's no secret about that and no dragon alive will change their wavering faith in your decisions. So for the love of the Goddess, listen to us.”

The waterfall of mercury lowered. Not a word left his mouth. Finally, a shred of fight lost.

Angeal turned to the troops. “Set up camp. We're claiming the base. I want ten men on watch. Go.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” The entire troop quickly entered the compound, designating who would return for supplies and who would hold down the fort. A quarter of their men returned and dashed past the frozen Firsts. Once relatively alone, the silence broke among the hard glares, downturned eyes, and concerned expressions.

“Genesis…” Sephiroth's voice was small, so very small a cat could barely hear him.

The friend's eyes never left his.

“It's not as simple as running ahead…”

“Then explain. But nothing you say will change my mind.”

He held his hand to his heart as if delicately touching a necklace. “There is too much we do not know. I take the lead to protect you all.”

“And you are the one that needs protection now. Times change. We have to adapt, not run straight into unknown danger.”

Sephiroth internally sighed. Genesis didn’t understand. The silver soldier failed to provide a more clear explanation, leaving him trapped in the hands of his fragile friends. He knew they weren’t truly fragile but he wanted to prevent any crack or fracture from forming in them with everything he had.

* * *

Sephiroth allowed Genesis to take the lead in the next push forward. However, the silver soldier kept the crimson soldier in sight at all times, not like Genesis minded. His Second Class friend enjoyed his time in the spotlight just a hair, every attack a bit too powerful, a bit too flashy, and a bit too inefficient. If their enemies were stronger, faster, they may have noticed the inherent sloppiness, taken advantage of the openings subtly on display.

They tried to stay directly ahead of the troop, but the anti SOLDIER measures threatened the lives of all unenhanced enlistees. Genesis made the decision to slow their men and take down the monsters before any cadet lost their life to nearly indestructible enemies.

They found two of these monsters. Large muscular bodies, massive ball and chains at their sides, metal armor and written charms decorating their forms, one left handed and the other right handed, perfect mirrors of each other.

Genesis and Sephiroth shared a quick look before dashing to their enemies. Sephiroth took on the left handed foe while Genesis took on the right. Each synchronized monster attack was countered with the two SOLDIERS, back to back before unleashing hell. However, the anti SOLDIER creatures were tough. Between the armor and their constant attacks, Sephiroth couldn't find an opening to slash them down or at least stun them for a bit.

Why was he struggling? They were never this great of a threat before.

Sephiroth glanced over at Genesis and saw the same realization. The redhead struggled more and more with each parried and blocked blow. Before either of them knew it, the bulky creatures yanked on their chains, and the links below the Second suddenly tied him down.

Something in Sephiroth snapped. He found his body moving before his mind caught up, slashing and pushing relentlessly until the monster freed Genesis.

The Red Mage of Shinra suddenly sprinted to the other monster, fire shooting up his sword. Though with varying strength, they both ended the creatures long before the troops arrived. Thank the gods they did. The souls of the mirrored measures did not leave the bodies. The SOLDIERs had no choice but to wait until they confirmed the deaths. That simple duty kept them in place.

The corpses exploded, plumes of black and white smoke consuming everything in sight. Both SOLDIERs immediately held their breaths. They could barely see each other through the shadows.

“Fall back,” The first and only command of the day left Sephiroth’s lips. However, despite the dissipating fog, his periphery darkened.

A memory cracked into place: his sight wavered right before he awoke in the gold chamber.

“Genesis, fall back,” His words were sharper, louder, trying to cut through the haze.

His friend stumbled away at first, mumbling odd ‘no’s and denials before suddenly bolting straight into the forest.

“Genesis!” Sephiroth shouted, chasing after the red coat.

“Stay away!”

That couldn’t be right. The smoke was finally gone. Their sight may be dark but he wasn’t blind. And even if Genesis was, why was he running? “Come back!”

“Get away from me!” He screeched, weaving through the trees like his life depended on it. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

“Gen-!” He faltered mid step, glancing down to regain balance. But instead of his leather uniform, he wore a turquoise hospital gown. And he was small, the trees towering into the sky above.

Below the sky, which darkened gray, stood a man in a lab coat black hair and black glasses, stories taller than he was.

“No…” His voice was tiny, strangled by panic, barely a whimper as every instinct urged him to run away.

“It’s time, Sephiroth.”

His head shook, his pleas desperate and childish as he fought his own mind. “Not today…! Not today…! I have to save him!”

“It’s time…-”

As quickly as the illusion- the nightmare- formed, it shattered, his vision still dark, the sky still an unnatural gray, and his steps weak with…

Fear.

But his body was normal, his clothes were ready for battle. He ran forward, his steps barely coordinated and his breath heavy. Something scraped his arm, cutting straight through the leather and his skin. He glanced down but the weapon was long gone. Wutai was firing on them in their confusion, and despite his own wound healing within the second, his friend was not gifted with such restoration.

“Genesis!” He prayed for a response over the pounding of his own heart, prayed for even a scream to pinpoint his friend.

But no sound came, his feet striking the dirt as he tried to avoid the projectiles he could not see or hear.

“Where are you?!”

Not a rustle of wind or the call of an enemy.

“SOLDIER Second Class: Rhapsodos, Answer me!”

S e p h i r o t h . . .

Silver hair snapped around, stopping dead in his tracks with his blade at the ready, shaking in his pathetic grip. Distorted and unnatural, he heard his name clear as day.

Sephiroth…

The voice was heavy, consuming, vast and endless. Where was it coming from? It felt like-

Sephiroth.

Everywhere.

Leave him. You will find him later as he found you.

Why did the voice feel so familiar? He shook his head. He needed to focus. He didn’t have time for this, rushing forward once again. “Where is he?”

Not far.

It knew? Another cut scraped his leg. “Where?” He demanded.

…We have little time. You must find me.

“I need to find him.” If this voice was another illusion he would scream. A sudden tug at his heart and he turned in a new direction, a creek he could barely see through the darkness flowing slowly within the trees. He traced the feeling, walking along the invisible string.

Follow and listen to me.

He wished he could drown the voice in the water, but a small part of him craved the cosmic calm.

I am not false. I am real. And I need you.

He ignored it, praying to spot Genesis and silently hoping it continued, each word a blanket warming his heart. Did it have any idea what it was like to constantly hear that request? And why did a piece of him want to honor it?

I am what you craved. I am what you held in the lab to be calm.

Sephiroth shook his head. Nonsense. All nonsense. No matter how much he wanted it to be true.

They silenced our connection with scales.

His charge slowed. His indescribable feeling of isolation…? No. No no no. It couldn’t be. It didn't make any sense.

I crave you just as much as you crave me, even when you cannot hear me calling out to you.

“Who are you then?” He pushed forward.

You know the answer.

Did he? The voice in his head couldn’t be real. Logically. He knew that.

It is deep within your heart and was once held close to it.

It was insane. Impossible. But the voice in his mind was kind and soft, a purr against his heart. If this start of the torture that broke him built this cruel punishment on his own, he did not know what he would do. He wanted it to be true. He needed it to be true.

Close to his heart. His hand moved unconsciously to where he kept the necklace all those years ago. Why couldn’t he stop the single title from leaving his lips?

“...Mo-?”

A scream knocked him out of the shock.

He’s close. Go.

Following the thread pulling his heart, he leapt across the river and quickly found Genesis against a tree, cuts and throwing stars scattered through his body like the night sky, his right arm broken and cradled by his left, his right leg broken and laid straight out, his eyes clamped shut.

He responded as if feeling the very presence of the other soldier. “Go away… Please go away already…”

Sephiroth ignored the whimpers as his friends once ignored his own. He carefully kneeled before the Second, the redhead flinching, bracing for impact.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He reached for the injury on his leg.

He cannot hear you.

Genesis screamed at the contact.

Sephiroth instantly let go but the man before him writhed, struggling to crawl back. “What’s wrong with him?” He winced at another cut but was thankful it didn't harm his friend further.

Genesis fell back and clawed at his neck, struggling to breath, but the only marks were his own nails digging into his skin. His eyes opened reflectively, bulging in terror. Within the mako blues and whites, black rods floated on the surface like bacteria under a microscope.

The silver soldier grabbed his friend's hands and pulled them away.

“Spare me…!” He begged through large gasps of air. “Please stop…! Sephiroth…!”

Delay his symptoms.

Though not at all the exact words, Sephiroth knew exactly what to do, mumbling a small apology before knocking Genesis unconscious. Just as promised, his breath regulated, eyes closing and body falling limp.

It is not safe here.

Whatever this chemical was required the lab to flush it out. He had no idea how long the ailment would last for his friend if even he had not metabolized it yet. Sephiroth threw his friend’s arm over his shoulders, carrying the deadweight through the shallow creek and back through the forest. More of the attacks came, single slashes to slowly weaken them, clearly aimed at Genesis so Sephiroth would have to take the hit. With his senses impaired, he couldn’t see them coming.

Angeal caught up to them before they left the trees.

“What happened?”

“Some kind of chemical. I don’t understand what it-”

It forces the mind into panic by displaying individual phobias. It convinces the afflicted that escape is the only option and weakens any attempt at retaliation.

Sephiroth swallowed before relaying the message.

“How does Wutai have a weapon like that?” Angeal carefully carried Genesis.

“They’re injecting it into monsters. Maybe breeding it in. We need to get Genesis to Midgar. It’s not dissolving.”

Now mako blues met his inhuman eyes. “Are you okay?”

Sephiroth nodded. He must have the rods too. “I believe I have some resistance to it. I’ll go ahead and call for transport. Keep him unconscious. He’s not thinking straight and he’s putting himself in danger.”

The silver soldier barely heard the ‘sounds familiar’ as he marched to the base. At his direct order, transportation appeared within the hour.

* * *

The three strongest SOLDIERs once again stood in the research and development lab of Shinra Tower. Sephiroth explained the situation to Professor Hollander and his team. The monsters, the smoke, the darkened vision and instinct to run, the ‘phobias’, the weakness, and how the only difference between himself and his friend was his former exposure to the chemical before his capture. Hollander decided to test the silver soldier’s information by allowing Genesis to wake. Only if the tale was true would he begin working on a cure or at least grab some samples before attempting to flush it out.

Sephiroth and Angeal watched through observation glass to make sure Hollander didn’t try anything dangerous. Both Hollander and a team of nurses stood by inside the chamber.

You do not want to see this.

The First did not tell anyone about the voice, and despite its earlier truth, he refused to leave his friend.

When Genesis’s eyes opened, his terror returned instantly, pushing back into the bed frame as if a threat stalked directly in front of him. “No… no no no- no more! I just want to be enough! Why is that so bad?!” He winced, turning, hiding.

Then he suddenly pinned himself to the wall by his shoulders.

“Stop! Please stop! I don't want to hurt you! It's not like that! Please!” His right hand came up in protection, attempting to block what no one else could see despite the broken arm.

However, his left hand seemed completely out of his control as it slammed into his shoulder, repeating again and again until the bone shattered.

He squirmed and hissed harshly, desperately trying to get away from the threat he believed attacked but was truly himself, the toxin claiming his mind. “I’m strong! I’ll be perfect and one day I will surpass you, Sephiroth!”

The audible inhale told everyone what Sephiroth he was truly thinking. Why was Genesis afraid of him?

“Shut up Shut Up SHUT UP!” All of a sudden tears fell down his red cheeks. “Stop it… Stop it, I beg of you… I don’t want it to be true… I’m trying… I’m trying-”

First, he threw himself off the medical bed, pinning himself against the wall.

Then he gasped, clawing at his damaged neck just as before, choking and thrashing and whimpering.

“Tie him down and take samples before tranquilizing him. We need this compound now! Quickly! Quickly!”

As the nurses and scientists stepped up, Sephiroth stepped back, his heart heavy and his mind blurred. Why was Genesis afraid of him? What could he possibly do to change this fear? He saw Genesis as a worthy component. Why did his friend see him as a tormentor?

He needed answers. He glanced at Angeal, seeing the Third completely trapped by the vision of his oldest friend’s torture. Shocked. Focused. Horrified. The waterfall of mercury suddenly left the room and appeared down a dark hallway with little traffic.

“You knew,” He accused at a whisper.

I did.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Because it would hurt you.

“Why is he afraid of me?”

He fears your true thoughts.

“About him?” Sephiroth would throw his life down for Genesis. He joked about the constant Loveless recitations but that didn't mean he hated them. He sparred with his friends to spend time with them and to hone their skills. He would never attack like that.

He has thoughts of himself he prays you never use against him. Each reflection is thrown back at him with your voice, and each injury he causes himself, he sees you.

The Soldier's eyes fell. His hands began shaking even as he closed them into fists.

Before your capture, you experienced similar symptoms. They dispersed when you awoke in the golden chamber.

“How long did it last…?”

After a week, you fell unconscious. I do not know if the smoke failed or if your captors had a cure. You had no memory of the effects or of me once awoken.

He scoffed sadly. “Why would I take your word for it? How do you know what he’s thinking?” He heard a step behind him and snapped to the source. He suddenly found himself face to face with the dark haired scientist with black glasses.

“Take whose word, Sephiroth?” Hojo questioned immediately.

The silver soldier stared down rigidly and did not answer.

“We'll return to that later then. Come to the lab. I need proper samples while that toxin is in your system.”

“We're already in a lab.”

Hojo scoffed. “That buffoon couldn't properly stock his own pantry, let alone purchase useful equipment. This flashy garbage limits and coddles the user for the sake of ‘user friendliness’. Nonsense. All nonsense. Now come along. We're wasting time.”

Sephiroth was about to deny the scientist when he suddenly remembered the box, one that suddenly cured his desperate isolation. He needed it again, both to test it against this voice he did not want to believe and to defend himself from any other gong Wutai possessed. If there was any chance of discovering what that container held, he would take it.

Hojo grinned as the silver soldier took the lead, unable to hide it as all the tests they needed to complete flooded his mind.

* * *

Skin samples. Blood samples. Swabs and needles invading his skin. Sitting in the exam chair, Sephiroth allowed the tests in silence. Hours passed as he waited for the perfect moment to strike.

Hojo didn’t seem to notice, separating the samples and placing them under various different tests. At one point he claimed to be isolating the toxin, but so far no luck. Concentration levels throughout the soldier’s body were too low. No standard samples contained any useful results. Eventually, finally, Hojo stood before him, scanning up and down before settling on how to continue. At his order, lab technicians entered, rolling in carts full of medical supplies and surgery equipment. The head scientist lifted a full syringe before locking eyes with the silver soldier through a shield of black glasses.

“No,” came Sephiroth’s first word since they entered the room.

“Come now. It’s the logical next step. Don’t you want to help Rhapsodos?”

“You are not sticking anything in my eyes until you give me something I want.”

Hojo crossed his arms. “And what is that? More information about your mother? How many times have we-”

“I want the container.”

His wrinkly face scrunched in confusion. “...What container?”

“After my capture, you gave me a container before beginning surgery. I want that container and its contents.”

“Absolutely not. That situation demanded immediate remedy-”

“I will continue to hinder progress in Wutai if I do not have it in my possession.”

“Are you really threatening your duty over this?”

“I am stating exactly what will prevent last week’s catastrophe from happening again.”

Hojo’s mouth closed. He placed the needle down before waving his hand at the others. “Leave.”

The lab techs exited without another word. The door slid closed behind them, sealing the scientist and the SOLDIER in the examination room.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I need it.”

“It isn’t a drug.”

“I don’t care what it is.”

“I will decide whether or not you receive anything. Do I make myself clear?”

Sephiroth glared from beneath his bangs, black rods stirring in the whites of his eyes.

Hojo simply waited, the whirr of machines the only sound heard until someone dared break the silence.

The silver soldier didn’t want to back down, but Hojo watched a few stray rods swim onto the mako blues. A soft grunt left the man’s lips, his hand supporting his head as his eyes closed harshly. The world darkened as he felt smaller and smaller, weak and insignificant.

Sephiroth.

“Not now…” his second hand flew to his bangs. He clenched his teeth to prevent any more unconscious words from escaping.

Hojo simply observed, a small smirk growing in fascination.

Stay still.

He clenched harder, but soon the unnatural feeling left him. His eyes opened to the same haze, not perfect but bearable.

“Is the neurotoxin making you hear voices?”

“No,” He spat immediately, his voice stronger but lacking the might he truly held. “This isn’t the problem. I know you still have it. Let me test something.”

“You have yet to provide a decent reason to do so.”

“Wutai has more weapons than we thought,” the boy surrendered, seeing that denying the scientist would trap them in deadlock.

“Of course they do-”

“Weapons with the same effect as my capture.”

Hojo’s amusement dropped. “What.”

“That infuriating isolation that completely incapacitates me-”

“Did you let them capture you again?”

Sephiroth almost laughed. “No. They played a gong of Leviathan scales and I collapsed instantly. That same annoying clinginess locked Angeal and Genesis. They dragged me away from the base. The troop saw everything.”

“Are there multiple gongs?”

“We assume.”

“Have you collected any?”

“Yes. I retrieved a broken one.”

Hojo brought a hand to his chin in thought. “If we repair it, we may not need that container.”

Sephiroth shook his head, his bangs protecting his eyes. “Hojo, I don’t think I can grow a resistance to that…”

“Well we won’t know until we try.”

“We should first try the thing that works. That container.”

“First we focus on a cure for your dear friend and then we can build your immunity.” Mako blue eyes met his blacks. “Or I can hand you that container and leave your friend to suffer. Hollander’s had no success so far, and knowing him, he’s probably searching in the wrong place. It is a shame. The longer it takes to find a cure, the longer he must remain in Hollander’s lab for his own safety.”

Inhuman eyes fell.

Don’t listen to him.

He felt the choice slipping away from him.

It will only bring pain.

Hojo sighed. “Oh well. I’d much prefer having a different specimen in the lab.”

Sephiroth.

He had no other option. “Find the cure…”

The silver soldier refused to see the slimy grin on the scientist’s face.

Thanks for reading!

Author’s note: I have no idea why this AU appeals to me so much, but it does. And with the unintentional help (and permission) of @rottenpumpkin13 , I finally had the piece I needed to continue it. I hope you enjoyed chapter 3.

Chapter List

#sephiroth #ffvii #final fantasy vii #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #ffvii hojo #ff7 hojo #hojo ff7 #hojo ffvii #jenova #trigger warning #tw: self harm

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voidparadoxical · 1 year ago

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Hihi I drew the best boys from Ex-Aid again! Though, this is more of a whump/angst type of drawing; it actually goes with one of my recent fanfics on my AO3, but can be considered stand alone art.

I'll post the link to it, if you'd like to read!

TW // Drowning

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the-music-maniac · 3 months ago

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Why is the daddy dom characterization so common with pre-nibelheim Sephiroth in fanfics. Does that look like a man who knows how to fuck, to you?

If someone does anything sexy in front of him, he would give them the Seph equivalent of a frog blink. That man is tired.

Lol jokes aside, I suspect for someone who has had his bodily autonomy dictated by lab techs and Hojo for the entirety of his life, he wouldn't be raring to have one night stands with complete strangers in his free time. Sure you could argue that sexual intercourse would be a way to regain a little control of autonomy, but I don't think it's likely when it would be with strangers that - not only never sees Sephiroth as anything but the famed legend (an image he doesn't like btw) which is likely accompanied by unwanted expectations of what he's like in bed, but complete strangers that could've also been sent to like. Assassinate the most important asset that Shinra has?

My point being that I don't think Sephiroth really had any safe space to explore what he likes for something like sex - and since it isn't necessary for his duty as a soldier, and may even count as unwanted distraction and vulnerability - Sephiroth likely discarded any interest in it entirely. That is, if he had any interest at all in the first place. You could also assume he could explore it with people he IS close with (ex. Angeal, Genesis etc.) but in those scenarios he wouldn't exactly know off the bat what he likes, or be self assured in any sense.

Trigger Warning (implication of SA/dubious consent): Of course you could also explore the darker side of this, which is that Sephiroth has experience because he didn't have a say in it, bc the company used him/trained him as an asset in this aspect as well. Which is an entirely different discussion to be had, so I won't go into it any further here.

And I think despite the suggestive shit that post-nibelheim Seph says to Cloud, his mind is not on anything sexual in actuality. He's likely aware of the effect flirtation and innuendo can have on people - disgust or interest or whatever would distract an opponent. Or he's just entirely unaware of - or does not care how else his words can be taken. He's a drama queen, but his goals have been pretty clear post insanity, and they have nothing to do with something as mundane as sex. So his demeanour after Jenova isn't that applicable (also we know that square Enix was like heehee we figured you would like this dialogue, so there is also that).

Basically, while I understand Sephiroth is a cool character for exploring fantasies (valid, go ham) - in terms of if you're trying to be accurate to canon characterizations, fics where he's written as a suave dom/top gets a bit of a question mark from me??

I feel like what makes more sense for ships involving pre-nibelheim Seph (including those sefikura time travel fixits that I'm mildly obsessed with) would be uncertainty. Here is finally someone who he actually feels safe to explore this aspect with, and it's natural for exploration to involve stumbles. And I don't think Seph would rule out submission or bottoming as an option in regards to himself either. Or switching/versatility. As someone trained to be objective or logical when tackling anything really - he would probably go about it methodically. So why not try it all to gather data?

What his and his partners' eventual preferences are gonna be is author's choice of course lmao

Also a disclaimer before I end it here - this post is purely because I find discussion on this interesting. If you disagree, or just wanna write what you wanna see, definitely do that and disregard what I've said. Fanfic is supposed to be self indulgent, so who gives a shit what other people think.

#I don't know if it's actually that common now it's just i've been looking at old fics #btw i posted this entirely by accident my tumblr glitched and now i have to contend with this post existing on the internet #final fantasy vii #sephiroth #i'm gonna tag all the ships i've seen this characterization in #sefikura #sephgen #sephzack

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getvalentined · 10 months ago

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I've never done a full breakdown of everything that happened to my version of Vincent while he was under the knife (although there is a partial breakdown from like 12 years ago on Ask Vincent Valentine), but @spinejackel tagged my recent Vincent doodle gushing about autopsy scar (Vincent Has a Y-Incision headcanon supremacy!) so I figured it was probably a good time. This is also probably the best method, since I can apply the right tags and trigger warnings to hopefully keep it from hitting the people who would be disturbed.

For anyone who doesn't know, figuring out the fucked up physiology of victims of science is like my entire jam. I think this is what happens when you let a chronically ill child watch Akira and the original Bubblegum Crisis OVA and most of the works of Masamune Shirow. All that before FF7 even existed. This means that the explanation under the cut may seem excessive, and this post is very long. I've been building it over over a quarter century, I don't think there's any avoiding it at this point.

Warnings for body horror, nonconsensual body modification, medical horror and torture. Basically, if there's anything you can think of related to becoming a victim of science under the rule of an unethical sci-fantasy oligarchy, it's probably in here to some degree. It's explained plainly and simply, in clinical but not visceral detail.

My headcanons for what Hojo did to Vincent are pretty specific, albeit not precisely comprehensive; 27 years later I still don't really have a particularly solid concept for how he turned Vincent into a shapeshifter, although at least we know it's not something entirely specific to Vincent—Hojo repeated that facet of the experiment in Azul, but not in any other SOLDIER operative even in DeepGround, implying that it's only possible if very specific physiological conditions are met. The minimal concept I do have involves a twisted application of the concept of incarnate summoning as it appears in FFXIII-2, but it's very vague and also not the topic of this post. Maybe later.

Regarding the Y-incision/autopsy scar, my headcanon is that once Hojo tweaked Vincent into being able to regenerate from any injury—an enhancement that is confirmed to be entirely Hojo's work in Dirge—the professor of course felt it necessary to run various tests quantify the usefulness of his handiwork. He did this first by inflicting various surface injuries, then by causing more extreme bodily trauma, which eventually culminated in Hojo removing the majority of Vincent's internal organs in order to measure how long it took them to grow back and, assuming they did grow back, how the new ones compared to Vincent's original parts.

To be able to observe this as closely as possible, Hojo kept Vincent's torso open for the entire process—which he repeated twice more in order to check the weight, size and structure of the newly-grown organs in comparison to the originals. This study proved that most of them did grow back, but the majority of them stopped developing much earlier than was appropriate for Vincent's age and size. The difference was consistent, Hojo just never figured out why most of them grew back smaller and less-developed.

The reason this happened is based the fact that most of the organs in the human trunk are used in digestion and other related processes, and Vincent's regeneration means he doesn't need to eat or drink anymore. His body only expended as much energy as was completely necessary to develop those organs to the point of being functional rather than normal, because they're not really necessary. Vincent is glad he still has them, though, because he does still occasionally eat (usually in social situations) and also he'd be really sad if he couldn't even have coffee.

Vincent's brain activity remained normal during the entire process, although that may have something to do with Hojo driving a bunch of fluid lines into his head and flooding the inside of his skull with mako to keep him awake the whole time even while deprived of oxygen. (Rebirth spoilers, but seeing the bit in the Nibelheim Protorelic questline where Hojo does something super similar to this, after this has been my headcanon for decades, was a trip.)

Two organs didn't grow back at all: Vincent's appendix and one kidney. This was also the result of efficient energy expenditure, as the human appendix isn't necessary for survival, and only one kidney is really required. (Each time Hojo removed the new kidney, the one that grew back would be on the opposite side, which bothered Hojo to no end.)

His lungs grew back a little larger, possibly because his skeletal structure never quite recovered after his first transformation into Galian—his arms and legs are noticeably too long for his body, although not to the point of looking impossible, and likewise his ribcage settled to breadth that would allow for larger lungs. He doesn't really need these anymore either, related to his brain being exposed to so much mako during the process that it can now operate without oxygen if necessary, but switching himself over from aerobic to anaerobic respiration is really unpleasant and Vincent tries to avoid it when he can.

His heart was pretty normal by the time Hojo was done with him, although his heartrate had dropped to like 20bpm even when elevated. Again, if respiration isn't necessary, there's not much reason for the system to be active. (By the time Lucrecia was done this had dropped to around 5bpm on average, although it's completely arrhythmic and jumps all over the place when he's not either particularly active or on the verge of a transformation.)

This was the experiment that left Vincent susceptible to degradation, which Hojo didn't realize until after finally closing him back up. Upon realizing that Vincent's body wasn't responding properly to a different test (a repetition of an earlier experiment related to the regeneration of external tissues and features), Hojo just kinda threw him in a tube to be disposed of at a later date, kinda like that scene in Arrested Development where there's that dead dove in a bag in the fridge. The incision healed at some point during the period that Lucrecia was working on him, but early enough in her work that the tissue couldn't flawlessly regenerate (like it does in the present), leaving him with one more gnarly scar on top of all the rest.

Vincent is self-conscious about all the physiological changes brought on by what was done to him, often to the point of loathing. His left arm is the worst—it rotted off while he was in the throes of degradation and grew back as something that he hesitates to call his arm—but Vincent hates that Y-incision scar almost as much. Some days they tie.

(It has come up in appropriately horrified conversation with Shalua that, considering how his regeneration works, Vincent could probably get rid of all the scars on his chest if he somehow peeled the skin off his torso in a single swath. He will not be doing that. Besides, it might grow back the wrong color/texture/etc, like his left arm. Not worth the risk, much less the suffering.)

Also I gotta finish off this entry with the extremely stupid headcanon reveal that Vincent's (honestly fairly impressive) dick was cut off during the first round of bodily trauma regeneration tests—and Hojo has never felt the sort of rage he experienced upon discovering that it grew back bigger than before. This occurred early enough in the experiments that Vincent was not awake for it, and thus has no idea how the fuck this happened, and does not want to talk about it ever thank you very much. I've never mentioned it in public anywhere because it is extremely stupid, but I hope someone out there finds it as funny a concept as I do.

#vincent valentine #headcanon warning #body horror tw #torture tw #medical torture tw #it's all described in scientific detail #not visceral at all #but it's still very much horror #so please be aware #and do not engage if you're not into that #fandom ramble

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prismaticpichu · 6 months ago

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B, C, F!!

You got it!! 💕

Any of your stories inspired by personal experience? ~ Yes!!! One of my personal favorite fics, Lightning, has a huge focus on PTSD and the sense of confusion that comes with spontaneous triggers/episodes. For instance, (and without getting into too much detail) I myself have been able to handle being in a room full of drunk people just fine- while other times looking at a wine glass can cause my heart to pick up speed. Sephiroth in that fic is plagued by horrible memories of being electrocuted by Hojo as a child (triggered by a storm outside), yet is left confused and ashamed, claiming that he has been able to handle trekking through thunderstorms in the past without ever breaking a sweat. The point I was trying to get across there is that, sometimes- and as Zack puts it- PTSD episodes can be completely random, like “lightning having the chance to strike a tree.” Sometimes, we’re just hit by it when other times we’re not. And that’s okay <333 It’s absolutely okay.

What character do you identify with most? ~ ON A LIGHTER NOTE LOL I think I see a lot of parallels in myself to Zack!! It’s hard to always stay positive- especially when his world seems to be imploding- but the young First always tries his best to keep everyone’s spirits high!! I imagine he’s someone who genuinely finds catharsis in making others smile, even when he himself is having trouble doing so. He’s the exact kind of person I strive to be: kind, optimistic, and loyal until the very end!! <333

Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic? ~ Absolutely!!! How about I share a few?? <333 (and it doesn’t specify that they have to be MINE soooooo~)

• Warning: Flash Photography by @tardistype221b ~ absolutely ADORE this fic for its implementation of very realistic PTSD- with the flashbacks beautifully laced throughout!!- and Zack being there to comfort his best friend <333 ahhhhhh!!!

• A Haven of Hyacinths by @dyradoodles ~ Just PEAK catharsis wherein a Jenova-purified Seph is reunited with Zack in the Lifestream <333

• Footfalls by @altocat ~ another extremely cathartic ride, only it’s post-Nibelheim addition!! <333 Zack is essentially doing what he does best- carrying a delirious Sephiroth across the snowy mountains as they escape ShinRa’s clutches <333 All with the most beautiful writing you can imagine!!

• Poster Boy by copper_nights ~ Protective Angeal being the best friend on the face of Gaia <33333 Gahhhh I love this author sm!!! So many amazing fics in their arsenal!!

• When the Stars Shine Brightest by @lucky-ladybugs-lovelies (I believe this is the right blog??? Plz forgive me person I tag if it’s not!! 😂❤️) ~ anyway lol THIS FIC MADE ME CRY. LIKE… IT LEGITIMATELY DID. NO OTHER FIC HAS MADE ME CRY BEFORE OR SINCE. Fic follows an extremely shattered Sephiroth in the aftermath of Zack’s death- having been killed on a mission. That’s all I can say without spoiling the rest, bc it’s really worth going in blind <333 Do note that 1) this fic is on FF.Net and might need a little more digging to get to and 2) it is a sequel fic- but I promise you its predecessor, Shine Until Tomorrow, is worth the read itself <333 It’s really just an incredible story she tells, and i’ve always been such a HUGE fan of her worldbuilding <333 SOLDIER always feels so alive!!! As do the characters!!

(Side note- if you ever fsr wondered where my love for Zack & Seph came from, it started here 😂 With this wonderful author!!!)

#fanfics #pichu writing #fic recs #zackseph #sephiroth #zack fair #crisis core #angeal hewley #asks #ty!!

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flowerwiththemachinegun · 2 months ago

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why do you like hojo?

I could explain…but I won’t. Probably 30+ trigger warnings long that I’d rather the world never know.

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salternateunreality2 · 11 months ago

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AGSZC Wedding Highlights (crack)

from the @strayheartless archives <3

The ceremony will be quiet, sweet, intimate, possibly an elopement, and the after party/reception will be a literal zoo because Zack will invite every friend he's ever made, which of course includes animals. Naturally, Cloud's dragon aunt and cousin (Asil and Knarf) will also be invited.

Cloud biting Hojo and Sephiroth immediately urging him to let go… because of how gross Hojo is (that can't be healthy for Cloud), not because Hojo is screaming in pain.

Sephiroth and Cloud hiding under a table/in a closet is going to happen. No, not to make out (though that will happen), but to get away from ~the people~.

Sefikura do come out at regular intervals to show love for their partners by braving the humans. They emerge together, holding hands, and go greet family members or dance with AGZ for 30 minutes at a time, then they make eye contact from across the room and go rescue each other.

"Excuse me, Aunt Rachel, it was lovely meeting you, but it looks like my new husband needs a break" *scuttles off to rescue Cloud from a dance with Cousin Casey*

"Oh, my new husband looks like he needs me, thanks for the dance, bye" *skitter skitter skitter*

AGZ being so proud of them and grateful that they're pushing through AND taking care of themselves.

The Strifes defend the new husbands from obnoxious relatives (some lines borrowed from the illustrious @strayheartless)

Cloud: *materializes out of nowhere* Hello, Genevieve Rhapsodos. I heard you were saying this cake was triggering your asthma because of the gluten. You meant celiac disease. Which you don't have and didn't warn us about. Furthermore-

Sephiroth: Nope, back to the table *drags Cloud away, desperately grabbing his hands so he can't flip her off*

Zack: *laughing his ass off*

Gillian: You had that coming.

Angeal: *trying not to laugh and come up with an apology*

Genevieve: *sputtering indignantly* Are you going to let him talk to me like that?!

Genesis: *smirking* Yep.

Claudia: How's that for a country bumpkin, bitch? *shoves cake in her mouth*

Genevieve: Are you going to let HER talk to me like that?!

Genesis: I don't LET the Strifes do anything. They do what they want. If you want to fight her, go ahead and good luck, mother.

Claudia: If you need me, I'll be under the table with them having delicious, gluten-filled cake, mmmmm!

-----

(((For context, Asil is Claudia's dragon mom friend, as discussed here, and Knarf is Asil's dragon son)))

Hojo: *shows up, starts making a scene with security. Apparently being bitten wasn't warning enough.*

Claudia: I smell bitch. Be right back. ASIL!

Hojo: *suddenly gains the power of flight via dragon*

Knarf: *is raiding the buffet, his mom can handle this*

Hollander: *skedaddles with a pocket full of cake after seeing what happened to Hojo*

Knarf: *pops his head under the table to lick the boys then trots off because he smelled Scientist with CAKE*

Hollander: *is about to learn a valuable lesson about dragon tracking abilities*

Claudia: *adopts Sephiroth on the spot and pats his head because she's awkward and doesn't know what to do. It's the perfect thing to do.*

Genesis sneaks each of his boys away to dance in the night air at some point, just the two of them in a circle of fire he lit with his materia skills to show off.

Angeal makes sure everyone eats, especially Cloud, who was nervous before the ceremony, and Genesis and Zack, who simply forgot.

Sephiroth whisks each husband away to look at the stars together and fumbles through a few lines of the individualized love letters he wrote for them.

He knew he wanted to do something like this and wound up asking Cloud's friend Tifa, who walked him through romantic ideas, and encouraged him to write them each a letter if he was uncomfortable speaking it all out loud. Once he had a structure, the rest was easy. Each of them cherishes their letter to this day.

Zack worked really hard to smooth the way for everyone socially, and also gave each of his men a special, meaningful wrapped gift.

Cloud pulled each one into a random hallway, got on his tiptoes, and kissed them.

He's not the biggest on physical affection, so they were all thrilled that he agreed to marry him despite his hang-ups AND that he's initiating a lot. They're all out of their minds and over the moon over how incredibly cute he is.

He also told them each the same thing, trying to be romantic. And, well...

"I'd kill a god for you and rip out their innards with my teeth".

He...probably should have asked Tifa for help. They love it anyway.

After the party, they take their time on their honeymoon to chill in each other's company.

That suits Angeal just fine, because even neurotypicals get worn out by socializing, and he LOVES cuddling his boys.

Cloud gnaws on a lot of stuff in happiness.

Sephiroth is purring non-stop, and they all take turns laying on his chest.

Everyone passes Cloud around like a prize and he puts up with it because it's THEM.

Everyone simultaneously decides to dogpile Angeal and thank him for all he does for them while suffocating him to the happiest death ever.

Besides marital activities, cough cough, there will be a lot of...

Them play fighting in the long grass. Them getting ticks in the long grass. Them being treated by Angeal and told not to go back into the long grass. Them going back anyway because one of them (Zack) found the coolest bug ever. Genesis setting fire to the long grass because he hates bugs. All the ticks dying because he firagas the shit out of the long grass. Angeal sighing about the long grass. Sephiroth pulling out his textbook knowledge and saying it's fine, the grass will come back, but the ticks won't, and really, they did the world a service. (I KNOW THIS IS NOT SCIENTIFIC, LET A SALT DREAM)

Them all stargazing in the burnt field, Cloud falling asleep almost right away, sandwiched between two of his husbands. Zack asking to be carried home when it's time, then falling asleep in Sephiroth's arms. AGS putting the spiky ones to bed together and taking so many cute pictures as the pair automatically gravitates to each other.

They stumble across a Hojo lab and discover their new children: the Remnants and some Chadleys.

Zack: I love all our babies 🥰 we should have more! Video of Zack with his babies

Sephiroth: Alright, let's find another lab to raid.

Angeal: *reading documents* WHAT THE FUCK, HOJO?!

Cloud: ikr even after Asil ate him we're still finding his experiments. They're hella cute experiments, but still.

Genesis: *at the babies* STOP CHEWING ON YOUR BROTHER.

#ff7 #sephiroth #zack fair #cloud strife #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #agszc

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connectionxterminated · 1 year ago

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The Devil Doesn't Bargain.

Seeking Out Vengeance. — Lockette Hojo.

Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of Fire, Manipulation, Gaslighting, Suffocation from inhalation of smoke, Problematic father, Character death.

Tags: @gmanwhore , @the-main-characters , @ghostlyplacetobe , @ren-not-rennie , @miss-midnightt

The fire burned all around her, her wings extending to their full length, a burning look of hatred filling her eyes as she stares him down, clenching her fists until her knuckles turned white, the smoke filling the air as the mad scientist backs away in utter fear, stumbling back into his desk, trying to grip the desk to keep himself up, but unable to, he falls forwards from the smoke filling his lungs, coughing and hacking, tears pricking the corners of his eyes, squinting as he tries to focus his gaze on his daughter standing in front of him, but being unable to due to the smoke obscuring his vision.

Lock steps forwards, picking her father up by the collar of his lab coat, causing him to stand up in an instant, covering his mouth with the sleeve of his coat, glaring daggers into his daughter.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?!"

He demanded an answer, but only received a mocking laugh in response by the girl who stood in front of him, seemingly unaffected by the smoke and the fire.

"Doing what I should have done a long, long time ago."

She held the match in her hand, lighting it up, the flame much smaller compared to the one surrounding them, and with that, she dropped it onto the floor, causing the already growing fire to grow bigger than it was beforehand.

"You should have realized how much pain you've inflicted on me years ago, and then maybe, just maybe, this would have never happened. This is your own fault."

Lock scowls, folding her wings away as she turns her back to him, hearing him fall to the ground from all the smoke he's inhaled, and for a moment, just for a moment, she feels pity and guilt.

And he reaches out to her, tears now rolling down his cheeks, his voice raspy and unsteady from the smoke filling his lungs, a small sad smile on his face as he laughs weakly, his head falling to the ground, his black hair falling out of its ponytail and in front of his face.

"My little Lockette.. You're just like your mother.. Strong.. Resilient and so very capable.."

Lock pauses, turning her head over her shoulder to stare him dead in the eyes with a look that could kill.

"You have no right to say such things. You abandoned her! You abandoned me! You never cared for me or mom! You only used her because you wanted to further your research! Don't pull that bullshit on me!"

She turned away again, taking a few steps away from her father with her fists clenched, she wipes her own tears, shaking her head firmly with another scoff.

"Do.. Do you remember..? When you were a little girl..? That pendant I gave you..? Do you.. Do you still have it..?"

Hojo asks with a weak smile, coughing roughly as he struggles to stand, wiping away his tears as Lock raises a brow, now gripping the pendant around her neck as she nods.

"Of course I do. I've had it ever since I was 3.. Before.. Before she.."

She trails off, a look of anguish and hurt crossing her features, feeling her fathers hand on her shoulder.

"Before she was killed. I know.. But.. But that.. That pendant was once your mothers.. I held onto it for her.. And then.."

He cuts himself off by falling to the ground as the flames grew higher and higher, coughing roughly and loudly as he wheezes, Lock narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"And then what..? And then what?!"

Her father smiles up at her weakly, wheezing as he tried to speak once more.

"And then.. she asked me.. to give it to you.. when you were old.. enough.. My little Lockette.."

Lock scoffed, folding her arms over her chest as she rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that you killed mum, and you ruined me as a person! I could've had a normal life if you never did what you did!"

Lock snapped at him, earning a long sigh in response from Hojo.

"It was for the betterment of mankind."

Lock steps back, her eyes narrowing further if that was even possible at this point.

"The betterment of mankind?"

She repeated, anger evident in her tone.

"Shut the Hell up, you bastard! See?! I knew you would never change!"

Hojo sighs, letting out a long wheeze and collapsing to the ground, passing out from the lack of oxygen he was receiving.

In turn, Lock took off her pendant, walking over to her father's desk, picking up the old 'family' photo of her, her mother Starlight, and her father Hojo. She gently wipes her hand over her mother's face, revealing her, she frowned, putting her pendant down next to the photo, finally letting go of all that has happened as she exits the burning lab, shaking off the bit of flames upon her wings.

She turned back and looked over her shoulder towards her unconscious and barely visible father laying on the ground of the lab, fire surrounding him as she shakes her head softly, leaving the premises for good.

"The Devil Doesn't Bargain."

#{ lock ; drabble }#{ cryptid ; writing }#{ lock }#{ oc ; lock }

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catsvrsdogscatswin · 8 months ago

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Higurashi Month 2024, Day 4: Depressed

Higurashi Month prompts archive: AO3

Trigger Warning: Depictions of the club members handling depressive episodes.

Depression fell over Keiichi only once, when he reached the top –and found apathy. Always pressure, always success, but less and less praise, less and less rewards.

His depression was redirected outwards. If he could not take joy in things, then he wouldn't give joy to other people, either. If his mom worked hard over breakfast, he wouldn't eat it, and serve her right. It didn't matter if his stomach felt hollow and achy for most of the day afterwards; he didn't care.

He could just say that he was busy, that he wanted to get to class earlier to study, and she wouldn't even be upset. That annoyed him. So he could starve himself and she wouldn't care, just for his stupid grades?

Huh. He'd… he'd show her, he'd do something she wouldn't like. Probably. Somehow. He'd find another way to rebel.

Keiichi treated his depression like a pebble in his shoes; a hard, persistent point of annoyance that shortened his temper and made him keen to spread the bad mood around.

~*~

Mion curled in on herself when the depression came. When she didn't feel like enough, when she felt like she could have saved Satoshi, when all of her dues and duties and performances and guilt came seeping in…

She went quiet. She withdrew.

She wasn't born the heir, but she'd been taught to be the heir, and the Sonozaki family taught that vulnerability must be hidden, that flagrant displays of emotion were to be kept behind closed doors.

So Mion closed her doors and buried her grey feelings deep, deep, deeper down, covering them with layer after layer of duty and obedience and friends and fun. She fought it like any other enemy; by studying, deconstructing, and then ruining them. Sadness was just another enemy to beat.

So –she took a step back. She severed the hurt before it could linger and purged her wounds before they could fester. She tossed her sorrow to the back of the closet and forced herself to look to the brighter days ahead; and if they weren't there already, she made them be. She dragged her friends into tempestuous games of glory and fun and wild, dizzy laughter until she forgot what she had to be sad about, much less that she was sad.

Even in times of deep, bitter hurt –when games weren't enough– she still withdrew quietly, locking her feelings away from all but a few; the friends she used to help cleanse the poison from a wound.

~*~

Shion shut down.

The birds didn't stop singing –a ridiculous poetic convention, she'd always felt– but now they just made noise, instead of their happy trills. The sun didn't stop shining, but it was always too bright or too grey; it made her eyes hurt. Food was too bland, too textured, too flavorful, and she gagged to think of forcing it down.

Everything became… too much.

All she ever wanted to do was drag herself, lead-weighted down to her bones, into the soft safety of a fluffy blanket, curl up, and weep the world away. She wanted the whole universe to whirl around and come to a halt with a reality-rocking crash, wanted to plunge anything and everything into a black, endless, silent abyss, just so it would stop.

It was always too much. It was all too much.

But since she couldn't destroy the world, she simply locked the world away, falling into a dim grey haze of routine that shied away from the slightest change, the slightest effort, the slightest intrusion of a honor anything into her bitter, despairing sorrow.

~*~

Satoshi probably used to react to depression differently, but now, well…

After years of being an outcast –unwelcome in every village activity, shunned at every facility– he neither tried to hide, nor expected to receive sympathy for, his moments of despair. Why bother? No one cared to help. No one cared to notice. He was a Hojo, and his family were vermin in the eyes of his neighbors.

It wasn't fair, of course, but he'd gotten used to things that weren't fair becoming the norm.

So he just… existed. He went about his day with the grey mantle of depression lying heavy on his shoulders, but he paid as much attention to it as dandruff.

Why bother caring? Why bother worrying? No one was going to help, and he had no way to help himself. There was no point in wasting his slender resources trying to fix it.

He couldn't do anything. He was helpless.

All he could do was wait for the few moments when things temporarily changed for the better.

~*~

Rena liked to think of her life as shining bubbles of wonderful, sparkling memories… but she knew that deep down underneath, all those dancing glints and sparkles just overlaid a sullen, remorseless, endless grey sea the color of dirty dishwater.

It was a stone around her neck, thick iron chains on her ankles, and she fought it, forcing herself to find something cute every day, to smile, to be happy, to leave those thoughts and that terrible persistent dragging weight behind. Some days she had more success than others.

It wasn't fair. She poured all this love, all this light and happiness and joy into her mind, ceaselessly and without relenting every day, and still the depression waited to pounce, lunging out whenever she let her guard down and sinking its poison fangs deep into her mind.

It truly wasn't fair. If she spent all her days playing with her friends, smiling, laughing, finding adorable things to take home or polishing her treasures, why didn't those loving memories, those joyful feelings, simply outnumber and crush that terrible weight beneath them? Math said they should –it simply wasn't fair.

But Rena was a fighter to the end, so she kept planting her feet in the dust, fixing a smile on her face, and going about her childhood days with her beloved friends.

~*~

Rika didn't know what it was to not feel depressed. It was like a set of sunglasses bound over her eyes, a tint that shadowed everything she saw.

She might be able to snatch a particle of release playing those delightfully wonderfully unpredictable games with Mion and her friends, but there was always the thought, the sorrow, gnawing at the back of her head, like forgotten homework or an upcoming appointment.

This will not last. This will end sooner than you wish.

How could anyone be happy, truly happy, in the face of that? Knowing everything that she knew?

She could smile and feign cheerfulness, but Rika was a swimmer with tied arms, desperately kicking her legs to keep her face above the water. The barest pause, the slightest rest, the most tiny slackening in her efforts, and she would go under and drown. She'd lost courts of the false starts to that she'd had already, the moment when the water had closed over her head and only a moment of frantic, soul-burning efforts had kept her from succumbing.

Her despair had been ground so deeply into her heart that the only thing that kept her thin spidersilk strand of hope from snapping was the thought that, someday, she might be free and it all might end.

~*~

Satoko isn't the type to get depressed. Her spirits naturally rocket to the sky like fireworks, and to crush and extinguish those flames means grinding her down so deeply that there is nothing but bare ash and embers. She doesn't get sad, she gets angry –or she simply stops.

A lot of animals have that reaction –a fawn's instinct, when threatened, is to freeze and hope it isn't spotted. Satoko does that. She goes still. Quiet. Limp.

If you are not a burden, you are not noticed. If you are not troubling, you are not seen. If you do not object, you will not be spoken to.

Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.

Defense mechanism or not, it works. If Satoko lets her mind retreat to a quiet blank place that only stirs to give her body whatever instructions it needs to complete a task, she does not have to think about what gives her sorrow. If she detaches her thoughts from what makes her sad, she can complete her tasks and not remember why it hurts.

If she doesn't think about it, it doesn't count.

Ignoring it until it goes away might be cheap, but that is how Satoko handles her depression, nonetheless.

~*~

Hanyuu… is not particularly built for melancholy. She had never learned the words and meanings that were currently thrown hither and yon to describe a person's mental state, and while yes, she grieved, and yes, she held onto her hurt, she did not particularly…

It was hard to describe.

Whatever else she was, Hanyuu was also primarily a spirit long gone, and her emotions did not sustain themselves when she did not think about them.

Of course, she sorrowed for Rika! And of course, her despair was black and deep, growing darker with each failure! But…

Grief was a constant companion, and had been since before her heart had given its last doomed beat and her former vessel sank into the ooze of the swamp. Rika knew joy and life and fun, but Hanyuu was nothing but an observer, an unseen pair of eyes, and had been for so agonizingly long that even her emotions seemed to come to her secondhand, like a tale told or a play being watched.

They struck sudden and bold, sometimes, that is true. She could still feel, with all the raging intensity of the living and the icy depths of divinity. But it was not often; she did not let it.

Hanyuu did not think her heart could handle such a breaking again.

#Higurashi Month #Higurashi Month 2024 #Higurashi no Naku Koro ni #Higurashi When They Cry #When They Cry

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