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claudia1829things · 4 days ago

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"PENMARRIC" (1979) Review

"PENMARRIC" (1979) Review

British author Susan Howatch had a prolific career as a novelist for roughly thrity-nine years. Three of them were family sagas, whose characters paralleled the lives of one of Britain's royal families - the Plantagenets. The first of those novels, 1971's "Penmarric", ended up being the only one adapted for the screen.

Paralleling the life of King Henry II of England, his wife Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine and three sons; "Penmarric" told the story of the Castallack family through two generations, spanning between 1890 and 1945. The story was told from the viewpoint of five characters - landowner-historian Mark Castallack, his older wife Janna Castallack, Mark's younger illegitimate son Adrian Parrish, his and Janna's third son Philip Castallack and their youngest child, Jan-Yves Castallack. When the BBC adapted the novel in 1979 as a twelve-part miniseries, the screenwriters changed the story's setting between the mid-to-late 1860s and 1940. Apparently, the miniseries' producer(s) wanted to include the backstory of Mark's mother, Maud Penmar Castallack, and her failed attempts to secure inheritance of the Penmarric estate. The miniseries had included another major change. The screenwriters ended the Castallacks' saga in 1940, five years before Howatch did in her novel.

Overall, I thought "PENMARRIC" proved to be a good, solid adaptation of Howatch's novel. Aside from the changes, there seemed to be no other major diversions from the story's main saga. Through twelve episodes, I thought the miniseries did an excellent job of conveying the fortunes and misfortunes of the Castallack family. I also found myself impressed by how the production conveyed how three particular incidents - Maud Penmar Castallack's failure to gain inheritance of her father's estate, the violent breakdown of Mark and Janna Castallack's marriage and a major disaster involving one of the Penmarric's tin mines - had such major consequences on the family's fortunes and their lives.

In a production as large as "PENMARRIC", it was only natural I would encounter scenes I found very enjoyable or satisfying. Some of my favorite sequences featured the Penmars' reactions to the death of Maud's only brother, Maud's verbal conflicts with both her father and her Penmar cousins, Mark and Janna's volatile courtship, Philip and Adrian's conflicts following the breakup of the Castallack marriage, Jan-Yves' affair with his widowed sister-in-law Rebecca, his relationship with his first wife, Felicity Cranforth, Philip's relationship with the miner Alun Trevose, the Senen Garth mine disaster and Jan-Yves' ever changing relationship with both Philip and Janna. I believe these aspects of the miniseries highlighted the screenwriters' ability to re-capture the complex nature of Howatch's characters and their relationships. This especially seemed to be the case of the marriage between Mark and Janna, whose failed marriage stemmed from class division, resentment, bigotry and a violent act that permanently damaged their relationship. Fiction tends to romanticize mixed marriages, especially those between people from different classes.

The production values for "PENMARRIC" seemed to veer from solid to first-rate. It seemed clear to me that the film stock used for the miniseries may not have been of best quality. I could tell that some of the footage - namely the exterior scenes - have begun to show signs of aging. I am aware that "PENMARRIC" had aired thirty-five years ago. But I have seen television productions from both sides of the Atlantic that have aged a lot better. However, I cannot deny that I found Erik Messerschmidt's cinematography a bit mind-blowing. I thought he did an excellent job of utilizing the Cornwall and Devon countryside for the miniseries' exterior shots. I also have a high regard for the costume designs team of Anne Bailey, Doreen James and Janet Tharby. Each woman designed costumes for at least four episodes and all three did an excellent job of recapturing the fashions of the late Victorian era and the early 20th century.

Most of the performances featured in "PENMARRIC" struck me as solid . . . competent, including those from Patsy Kensit, Ralph Bates, Kim Braden, John Patrick, Lesley Dunlop, Shirley Steedman, a young Alan Cox and especially Rosalind Ayres. There were one or two that struck me as a bit over-the-top. One of those "dramatic" performances came from John Castle, who portrayed Mark Penmar - Maud's father and young Mark Castallack's maternal grandfather. Castle has always struck me as a very skillful and subtle actor. Yet, he seemed to have given an exaggerated portrayal of an eccentric Victorian landlord. Another performance that rubbed me the wrong way came from Holly de Jong, who portrayed the volatile Rebecca Rosalyn Castallack - Mark and Janna's daughter-in-law, Hugh Castallack's widow and Jan-Yves Castallack's sister-in-law and mistress. De Jong had her moments as excellent acting, especially in those poignant scenes featuring Rebecca and Jan-Yves. But when it came to Rebecca's more emotional moments, de Jong seemed incapable of reigning in or controlling her performance.

There were a handful of performances in "PENMARRIC" that struck me as exceptional. One of them came from Angela Scoular, who portrayed the ambitious and single-minded Maud Penmar Castallack. I thought Scoular did an excellent job in conveying Maud's more prominent traits - her arrogance, eccentricity, ambition and emotional desire for the Penmarric estate - while maintaining control of her performance. Thomas Ellice struck me as equally skillful as the domineering Mark Casallack, whose arrogance, self-involved and controlling nature led him to make questionable decisions that had major impacts on his family. I might as well be frank. Mark proved to be one of my least favorite characters in the story. Yet, Ellice still managed to convey certain traits in Mark's character that made him occasional sympathetic in my eyes. One of my favorite characters in this story happened to be Janna Castallack, the beautiful daughter of a Cornwall fisherman, who became Mark's wife. I might as well be frank. Janna was no saint. She could be evasive, reactionary and quick-tempered. I thought Annabel Leventon did a superb job of conveying Janna's emotional journey - from the financially struggling young widow who became acquainted with a well-born man of a higher class, to the angry wife estranged from her husband and finally to the aging matriarch of the Castallacks who struggled to hold her family together.

One of the most complicated characters in Howatch's novel proved to be Philip Castallack, Mark and Janna's third son and the latter's favorite. Superficially, Philip struck me as a hot-tempered and righteous (perhaps too righteous) personality, who could be very obsessive over people or issues that mattered to him. I thought Rupert Frazer did a superb job in capturing these many facets of Philip's personality in a performance that struck me as both emotional and skillful. At times, I found myself wondering if Philip Castallack might prove to be Frazer's best role. My favorite character in the 1971 novel ended up being the youngest Castallack sibling, Jan-Yves. Jan-Yves proved to be such an entertaining, cynical, yet complicate character. I had been worried if the miniseries would cast the right actor for this role. Eric Deacon ended up portraying Jan-Yves. Granted, he was handsome in compare to the plain-looking Jan-Yves from the novel. But I might as well admit it . . . Deacon did an excellent job in conveying everything about Jan-Yves I found fascinating. Everything, which included Jan-Yves' wit, cynicism, insecurities, intelligence, and vindictiveness. If someone ever decides to do another adaptation of Howatch's novel, I hope and pray that person would find someone just as perfect as Deacon was in the role.

If I had any serious issues regarding "PENMARRIC", it would have to be the narrative. At first I did not mind the narrative's detailed look into Maud's backstory, her attempts to acquire the Penmarric estate for herself and how she ended up securing her son Mark as her cousin's heir. At first. But this entire sequence featured a great number of flashbacks that dragged into Mark's own narrative. Come to think of it, his initial romance with his mistress Rose Parrish, his courtship of Janna, his discovery of Janna's relationship with his father and his encounters with his Penmar cousins were conveyed within three-and-a-half episodes. Mark and Jenna's wedding did not occur until at least by mid-Episode Four. I do not recall Howatch taking this long to reach the couple's nuptials in her novel. It took three-and-a-half episodes for Mark and Janna to get married. It took fourteen years and one-and-a-half episodes for their marriage to fall apart. Wow.

Due to the producers' decision to stretch out the beginning of "PENMARRIC", the miniseries featured twelve episodes. Unfortunately, not even twelve episodes were enough for the screenwriters to do full justice to Jan-Yves Castallack's own arc. They cut it short once Jan-Yves became the master of Penmarric. Yes, the miniseries had conveyed his courtship of and marriage to Isabella Clay. But not long after the wedding, the miniseries did not take long to jump to the outbreak of World War II and the final scene. The miniseries never bothered to reveal the fate of Jan-Yves' sister-in-law, Rebecca Castallack. It never bothered to convey the clash between Jan-Yves and Rebecca's son, the churlish Jonas. It never bothered to reveal Jonas' fate, let alone Jan-Yves' wartime experiences. And if that was not enough, the series' portrayal of Isabella Clay Castallack proved to be nothing like her literary counterpoint. The literary Isabella was a ethereal, yet pragmatic woman with a penchant for witticisms. This television version of Isabella proved to be another one of those mild-mannered, "angel-in-the-house" types straight from a Charles Dickens novel. In other words . . . BORING. I do not blame actress Deborah Makepeace. I blame the producer(s) and screenwriters. As much as I had enjoyed the miniseries, both its portrayal of Isabella Castallack and the ending proved to be very disappointing to me.

Okay . . . yes, "PENMARRIC" had some disappointments that prevented it from being a truly excellent adaptation of Susan Howatch's 1971 novel. But the 1979 miniseries had virtues that outweighed what I believe were its flaws. Aside from a problematic beginning and ending, I really did enjoy "PENMARRIC", thanks to the production values, the team of screenwriters and a talented cast led by Annabel Leventon, Thomas Ellice, Rupert Frazer and Eric Deacon. However, I would like to see the BBC produce a better effort.

#susan howatch #penmarric #penmarric 1979 #annabel leventon #thomas ellice #rupert frazer #eric deacon #angela scoular #ralph bates #holly de jong #family saga #edwardian age #world war 1 #world war 2 #cornwall #rosalind ayres #period drama #period dramas #costume drama

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pcwpolwrestling · 1 month ago

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10/26-PCW Extreme Political TV

Last Week on PCW Extreme Political TV: -Johnny Suave opens the show and runs down tonight’s show. -‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins tells interviewer Mindy Taylor she feels insulted that she has to earn her title shot at Extreme Election Night 2024 against PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline. -PCW owner Dawn McGill announces they will be taping a house show at Madison Square Garden on October 27th. This brings out James Carville who compares PCW running a show at MSG to Hitler’s Nazi Rally at MSG in 1939. ‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down and chokeslams Carville. -‘Colorado Gunslinger’ Laura Brobert cuts a promo before the three-way match tonight against KRC and Sarah Mae Smith for a shot at the Women’s Title. Brobert says she’s going to show everyone why she’s called the ‘gunslinger’ and the ‘coastal elites’ and ‘small-town sweetheart’ don’t have a chance. -Candidate for PCW CEO Kamala Harris holds a town hall with Main Street USA that doesn’t go very well. -Sarah Mae Smith tells interviewer Woodward Bernstein that Main Street USA is made of grit, determination, and good old-fashioned American values. -Democrats pitch their brand to a voter. -Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) defeated Sarah Mae Smith (American Heartland Coalition) and Laura Brobert (American Patriots) in a Women’s division #1 contender’s match. KRC will now face PCW Women’s champion Catherine Cline for the title at Extreme Election Night 2024. -Dave Ramsey interviews Kamala Harris… it doesn’t go well. He’s supporting Donald Trump. -Republicans pitch their brand to a voter. -‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) defeated Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) in a #1 contender’s match. Daniels will challenge PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell for the title at Extreme Election Night 2024. -Backstage, Kamala Harris watches Donald Trump’s appearance at the Al Smith Dinner. Jim Gaffigan gets a couple of sharp lines off on Harris. Harris gets on the phone with her aide and reams her out.

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Taped at Twining Hall Feasterville-Trevose, Pennsylvania Saturday October 26th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA)

PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024 Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW World Television Champion: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (American Patriots) Since 3/3/2024 Contenders: The Deplorables: Ray McAvay/’Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition) The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid (SEC) Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer

Opening The arena explodes and the camera zeros in on ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave as the show begins.

PCW! PCW! PCW!…

Johnny Suave: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to PCW’s Extreme Political TV! Joining me tonight is the ever-delightful Colleen Crowder- a low-level New York Times reporter trying desperately to make a name for herself.

Colleen rolls her eyes, her lips pursed in a tight frown, her hands adjusting her glasses.

Colleen Crowder: Let’s just get this circus over with.

Johnny Suave: And boy, do we have a show for you tonight! Extreme Election Night is just two weeks away and…

The crowd roars as Dawn McGill struts into the ring, her blonde hair catching the spotlight. The video screen flickers with the more modest selections from her Henhouse Magazine shoot, adding sizzle to her entrance. She’s dressed in a form-fitting blazer and skirt that accentuate her statuesque figure, commanding attention with every step.

Johnny Suave: …hold on. PCW Owner Dawn McGill has just come out and she is headed toward the ring.

Colleen rolls her eyes again- not pleased at the sight of the PCW Owner.

Colleen Crowder: Yay.

Dawn takes the microphone, her blue eyes scanning the audience.

Dawn McGill: First and foremost, I want to thank each and every one of you for coming out tonight. I keep saying this, but you have to understand that I truly mean it. PCW isn’t about the big shots. PCW is all about YOU – the people. We do this for you.

The crowd cheers, and Dawn’s lips curl into a satisfied smile.

Back at the announcer’s table, Colleen scoffs, her voice dripping with disdain.

Colleen Crowder: She’s just sucking up to the rabble.

Johnny turns to her, his brow furrowed.

Dawn McGill: I’ve come out here tonight to introduce the matches for PCW Extreme Election Night 2024…

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: Catherine Cline (IND) © vs. ‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE: ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and Starz N. Stripes w/Zachary Levi (American Patriots) © vs. The Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/Peta from PETA) (Progressive Alliance)

PCW TITLE: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) © vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance)

PCW CEO: Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots)

Dawn McGill: Tonight, Catherine Cline is HERE-

The crowd explodes at the mention of Cline.

Dawn McGill: …and she will be in the main event. Stay tuned and have fun!

PCW! PCW! PCW!…

The camera pans across the packed arena, settling on Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder at the announcer’s table.

Johnny Suave: What a way to kick off the night! Dawn McGill knows how to make an entrance and set the tone for PCW.

Colleen Crowder adjusts her glasses, a frown creasing her brow.

Colleen Crowder: I found it distasteful and pandering. Is this wrestling or a swimsuit competition?

Johnny Suave: Why can’t it be both? But speaking of spectacles, we need to cut to the concourse. You won’t believe what’s happening at the concession stand!

Colleen Crowder: What?

Do You Want Fries with That? The feed switches to the bustling hallway of Twining Hall. A massive crowd has gathered, cheering and waving. At the center of the commotion stands American Patriot candidate for PCW CEO- Donald Trump, wearing a PCW-branded apron and flipping burgers with exaggerated flair.

Donald Trump: Order up!

Trump tosses a wrapped sandwich into the crowd.

Donald Trump: Nobody flips burgers like me, folks. Believe me!

The crowd goes wild, hands outstretched to catch the flying food. Suddenly, a shrill voice cuts through the din.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: This is an outrage!

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pushes through the throng, her face flushed with anger… her voice high-pitched and shrill.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: You’re mocking hardworking Americans! Food service is not a joke!

Trump grins, unfazed.

Donald Trump: Lighten up, AOC. The people love it. We’re having fun here! We’re ALL having fun here, right?

The crowd roars in agreement, drowning out AOC’s protests. Back at the announcer’s table, Suave and Crowder exchange glances.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s one way to serve up controversy. Trump’s certainly drawing a crowd.

Crowder shakes her head.

Colleen Crowder: It’s a circus, plain and simple. This isn’t politics or wrestling – it’s a mockery of both.

MATCH #1: The Bi-Partisan Dream Team vs. The Green World Order The arena erupts as Kimber Marshall struts into the ring, her sequined red, white, and blue bodysuit catching the spotlight. She grabs the mic, her infectious energy palpable.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our first match. Introducing a team that’s trying to bridge the political divide. They’re here to show us that red and blue can make beautiful music together. Give it up for… The Bi-Partisan Dream Team!

The opening riffs of “Let’s Work Together” by Canned Heat blast through the speakers. RINO, the Wonk Machine, emerges first, his massive 275-pound frame barely contained in a fire-engine red singlet. Blue Dog D follows, sporting a royal blue outfit that accentuates his lean 195-pound physique.

Kimber Marshall: From Detroit, Michigan, standing at 6 feet and weighing in at 275 pounds… RINO, the Wonk Machine! And his partner, from Chattanooga, Tennessee, 6 feet tall and 195 pounds… Blue Dog D!

The odd couple climbs into the ring, awkwardly attempting to high-five each other.

Kimber Marshall: And their opponents…

She pauses for dramatic effect.

Kimber Marshall: They’re lean, they’re green, and they’re ready to make the political scene… The Green World Order!

A cacophony of nature sounds mixed with heavy metal guitar riffs fills the arena. GreenPete leads the charge, his 5’11” frame rippling with eco-warrior energy. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee towers behind him at 6’3″, his spiked green hair adding another foot to his height. PeaceNick and Peta from PETA flank them, all wearing matching green ‘GWO’ shirts.

As they enter the ring, Brock Cole Lee snatches the mic from Kimber. His eyes wild with fervor.

Brock Cole Lee: WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

The crowd is split, some cheering for the eco-warriors, others rallying behind the unlikely bipartisan alliance.

The bell rings and the crowd roars as RINO and Blue Dog D circle GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee. Johnny Suave’s voice cuts through the chaos.

Johnny Suave: Here we go. The Green World Order is challenging ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and Starz N. Stripes for the PCW Tag Team Title at Extreme Election Night.

RINO: Let’s have a clean match, fellas. We’re all Americans here.

GreenPete slaps the hand away.

GreenPete: Clean? Like your fossil fuel lobbyist friends?

The crowd oohs as RINO’s face reddens. Blue Dog D puts a hand on his partner’s shoulder.

Blue Dog D: Easy there, big guy. Remember our message.

RINO nods, taking a deep breath.

RINO: Right. Unity. Compromise. The American way.

Brock Cole Lee scoffs, his green hair quivering with indignation.

Brock Cole Lee: Compromise? On the future of our planet? Not a chance, meat-breath!

The match begins in earnest, with RINO and Blue Dog D attempting coordinated moves that fall just short of clicking. GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee, meanwhile, move like a well-oiled machine – if that machine ran on sustainable energy, of course.

Johnny Suave: The Bi-Partisan Dream Team is preaching unity but their in-ring chemistry is about as cohesive as a congressional budget meeting!

RINO thinks, ‘We’ve got to get it together. Show these green bean extremists what real cooperation looks like.’

But as he reaches for a tag, Blue Dog D hesitates, unsure which hand to extend. GreenPete capitalizes, yanking RINO into a wrenching arm bar.

Brock Cole Lee: Tag me!

GreenPete obliges with a fluid motion. They whip RINO across the ring, and GreenPete delivers a devastating knee…

Johnny Suave: THE CLIMATE KICK!

…which is followed by a picture-perfect Senton from Brock Cole Lee.

RINO struggles to his feet, dazed.

GreenPete sets up for his finisher.

GreenPete: Time to harpoon another capitalist whale!

He drives RINO into the mat with a vicious spear.

Brock Cole Lee: Finish it!

GreenPete rolls up the stunned RINO for the three-count.

The bell rings.

Johnny Suave: The Green World Order wins!

Colleen Crowder: Score one for the good guys!

Johnny Suave: We’ll be back with more after these messages.

Commercial Break As the screen flickers to life, a sea of grey cubicles stretches as far as the eye can see, each one housing a corporate drone more lifeless than the last. The camera pans across rows of identical desks, each occupied by a blank-faced worker staring mindlessly at a computer screen.

A silky voice oozes from the speakers, dripping with false sincerity.

Silky Voice: Here at MegaCorp, we’re not just a company, we’re a family. A family that’s available 24/7 to meet your every need.

The camera zooms in on a disheveled employee, bags under his eyes, as he answers a phone at 3 AM. “Thank you for choosing MegaCorp, how may I optimize your synergy today?”

Silky Voice: At THE Corporation, we work harder, faster, and longer than the competition. Soulless automatons chained to our desks… working for you.

The camera pans across a sea of exhausted faces, fingers flying over keyboards at inhuman speeds. A man suddenly face-plants onto his desk. But incredibly, horrifyingly, the man’s hands keeps on typing.

Silky Droning Voice: Our employees are dedicated to YOUR success.

A woman in a crisp blazer gives birth under her desk, her eyes never leaves her computer screen.

Silky Voice: At MegaCorp, we don’t just think outside the box. We demolish the box, set it on fire, and dance on its ashes while singing our quarterly reports.

The scene cuts to a group of employees forced to participate in a cringe-worthy team-building exercise, fake smiles plastered on their faces as they fall backward into each other’s arms.

A manager appears on screen.

Manager: That’s right. At THE Corporation, we’ll do ANYTHING for our clients. We are available twenty-four-seven.

The shot zooms in on a bathroom stall, feet visible beneath the door.

The narrator’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

Silky Whispering Voice: That’s right. At MegaCorp, even if we’re doing our business… we’re still doing yours.

As the commercial reaches its crescendo, the voice becomes almost manic.

Silky Manic Voice: Because at MegaCorp, we’re not just changing the game. We’re rewriting the rules, flipping the board, and declaring ourselves the winners of a game no one else knew we were playing!

The screen fades to black, and a shrill, cringy slogan appears: “MegaCorp: Turning Your Dreams into Our Profits!”

Backstage Progressive Alliance candidate for PCW CEO Kamala Harris is on her phone… again. The phone clutched so tightly her knuckles have again gone white.

Kamala Harris: What the *BLEEP*!

Harris screams into the phone, spittle flying.

Kamala Harris: Donald Trump is serving people at the concession stands. Look at all the *BLEEP*-ing attention he’s getting out of that. What didn’t you think of that?

The phone shakes in her hand as she fights the urge to just hurl it across the room.

Kamala Harris: ARGGHHH!

She jabs the ‘End Call’ button and walks off.

And now, a PSA about gun safety Narrator’s voice: Fall is here and that means hunting season is upon us. It’s a great time to review gun safety.

The sharp crack of gunfire echoes across the range as Lucas Kunce, candidate for US Senator from Missouri, squares up to another steel target. Beside him, Adam Kinzinger fumbles with his rifle, the eye protection perched uselessly atop his head like a fashionable headband.

Lucas Kunce: This is what freedom feels like, folks!” Kunce bellows, his voice carrying over the gunshots. “Nothing like bonding with our union brothers over some good old-fashioned target practice!

Kunce’s mind races, calculating the political points he’s scoring. These union guys’ll eat this up. Second Amendment rights and worker solidarity – it’s a winning combo!

A metallic ping rings out as another bullet finds its mark. Suddenly, a yelp of pain pierces the air. A reporter, notepad in hand, stumbles backward, clutching their arm.

Lucas Kunce: Oops.

His politician’s smile doesn’t waver.

Lucas Kunce: Always keep that first aid kit handy, folks! Shrapnel’s just part of the game when you’re exercising your freedoms!

As Kunce tends to the reporter with practiced concern, a stern-faced woman in a “Gun Safety Expert” vest storms onto the range.

Gun Safety Expert: What in the name of responsible firearm ownership is going on here?

She points to the steel targets mere yards away.

Gun Safety Expert: You’re shooting rifles at close-range steel? Are you trying to get someone killed?

Kinzinger blinks owlishly through his high-powered scope, still aimed at a target five feet away.

Adam Kinzinger: But… but it makes the targets look bigger!

The expert’s gaze falls on the table downrange, her face paling.

Gun Safety Expert: Is that… Tannerite? Near active shooters? Have you all lost your minds?

Kunce’s smile falters for a moment. This isn’t quite the photo op he’d envisioned. But hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? He plasters on his best “concerned leader” face and addresses the gathered union workers.

Lucas Kunce: See, friends? This is why we need more education on responsible gun ownership. Now, who wants to try their hand at the Tannerite challenge?

The Gun Safety Expert slaps her forehand with her hand as the PSA comes to an end and PCW cuts back to Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder at the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Can you believe the irony, folks? A candidate from the ‘guns are scary’ party, proving they can’t handle firearms safely! It’s like watching a clown juggle chainsaws… blindfolded!

Suddenly, Martha Raddatz from ABC News appears, wagging her finger at Suave.

Martha Raddatz: Now, now, Mr. Suave. Let’s not exaggerate. Only one reporter was hit by shrapnel. The others were not.

Suave’s eyes bulge comically.

Johnny Suave: Only one? Oh, well that makes it all better then! Should we give them a safety award?

From the sidelines, Colleen Crowder nods in agreement with Raddatz.

Colleen Crowder: She’s right, Johnny. We need to report this accurately.

Johnny Suave: It’s not about the number of reporters hit, it’s about the monumental stupidity on display!

How Dare You? The camera pans across the arena, catching the glint of sweat on muscled bodies and the flash of sequined costumes. Suddenly, Hillary Clinton storms onto the stage, her face a mask of righteous indignation.

Johnny Suave: And speaking of divisive…

Colleen Crowder: Johnny! How dare you say that towards a great American… a trail blazer… a woman who should have been the first PCW CEO!

Hillary Clinton: Dawn McGill. I demand you come out right now.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.

Colleen Crowder: It’s about time.

Dawn McGill steps out from the back.

Hillary Clinton: How dare you! You’re holding a political freak show at Madison Square Garden this Sunday, and I won’t stand for it!

Dawn scrunches her face and wonders what the hell.

Hillary Clinton: PCW is nothing more than a Nazi-style propaganda machine!

Johnny Suave: Oh, not this again. Didn’t James Carville do this last week and get choke-slammed by the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Colleen Crowder: And that was totally uncalled for.

Johnny Suave: Let’s go back to last week.

(REPLAY: Last Week’s PCW Extreme Political TV) …James Carville: You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Holding your little wrestling show at MSG? We all know what this really is – a recreation of the infamous 1939 Nazi rally at MSG!-

The opening riffs of a heavy metal song blasted through the speakers. The fans went wild as the ‘Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, all 6’11” and 350 pounds of him, stormed down the ramp.

Carville’s eyes widened in terror as he tried to scurry away, but his aging legs betrayed him. WTF effortlessly hoisted the political pundit into the air and delivered a thunderous chokeslam, silencing his offensive comments with one powerful move.

Colleen Crowder: There was no reason to show that again.

Dawn raises the microphone to respond. But before she can speak, a small figure darts past her.

Johnny Suave: What the-

Colleen Crowder: Oh, not her again.

It’s nine-year-old Gracie McAvay’s young voice that cuts through the tension.

Gracie McAvay: How dare YOU!

Hillary stumbles back, clearly taken aback. Gracie’s eyes narrow. Suddenly, game show music blares through the speakers.

Announcer Guy (voiceover): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to… Who’s the Fascist?! With your host, Gracie McAvay!

Colleen Crowder: What the hell is this?

Gracie grins, relishing the moment.

Gracie McAvay: Question one, which party used the judicial system to remove candidates from state ballots… just because they could ‘steal’ votes from their candidate?

Hillary’s mouth opens and closes, but no words come out. She looks like a fish out of water, Gracie thinks gleefully.

Gracie McAvay: Time’s up! The answer is… The Democrats!

Hillary’s face reddens. She clenches her fists, barely containing her rage.

Gracie McAvay: Question two, which party also abused and corrupted the judicial system in an attempt to use lawfare to prevent Donald Trump from running for PCW CEO?

Hillary fumes, her nostrils flaring. She looks like she’s about to explode, Gracie notes with satisfaction.

Gracie McAvay: The Democrats!

Hillary’s face is now a deep shade of crimson. Gracie can almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

Gracie McAvay: Final question, which party actively put pressure on Facebook and social media to censor political views and comments, shut down the free exchange of ideas and opinions and shut down the First Amendment?

Hillary’s entire body trembles with barely contained fury. She looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm, Gracie thinks.

Gracie McAvay: The Democrats!

Gracie throws her arms up in victory. Hillary turns on her heel and stalks off, her rigid posture betraying her anger.

Gracie, caught up in the moment, then does an exaggerated ‘up-yours’ gesture with her arms.

Dawn McGill: GRACIE!

Gracie freezes, suddenly remembering where she is. She turns to face her mother, shoulders slumping, looking genuinely contrite.

Gracie McAvay: Sorry.

In the announcer’s booth, Colleen Crowder sputters incoherently, her professional facade crumbling.

Johnny Suave: Well, well, well.

There’s a smirk evident in Johnny Suave’s voice.

Johnny Suave: Looks like our esteemed colleague is at a loss for words.

Colleen Crowder: This… this is unconscionable! She can’t do that to Hillary Clinton!

Johnny Suave: Oh, lighten up, Colleen. The people want entertainment, and we’re giving it to them. Speaking of which, Catherine Cline is in the house tonight!

Colleen’s groan of frustration is audible even over the crowd’s renewed cheers.

Catherine Clark Arrives The crowd erupts as Catherine Cline bursts through the doors of Twining Hall, her championship belt gleaming under the fluorescent lights. Fans surge forward, hands outstretched, desperate for a high-five or autograph. Catherine’s heart races with adrenaline as she navigates the sea of admirers.

Cline! Cline! Cline!

From the corner of her eye, Catherine spots Kathryn Randall Collins watching with a predatory gaze. The Ultimate Political Operative stalks forward, her presence parting the crowd like Moses and the Red Sea.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Well, well, if it isn’t our illustrious champion.

Catherine squares her shoulders, ready for the verbal sparring match.

Catherine Cline: Kathryn. Come to get a preview of what you’ll be facing at Extreme Election Night?

Kathryn’s lips curl into a smirk.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Oh, sweetie. You think being champion is about physical prowess? About determination? About never giving up?

She circles Catherine like a shark.

Kathryn Randall Collins: How quaint.

The crowd’s murmurs grow restless. Catherine feels her pulse quicken but keeps her face impassive.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Let me educate you, they call me the Ultimate Political Operative for a reason. At Extreme Election Night, you’ll learn what really determines a champion.

With a dramatic flourish, Kathryn spins on her heel and struts away. The crowd rallies behind Catherine, their cheers a comforting blanket of support. She allows herself a small smile.

Johnny Suave: Well now. The tension between the Progressive Alliance’s KRC and the Iowa wonderkid who’s taken PCW by storm Catherine Cline continues to build.

Colleen Crowder: This all could have been avoided had Catherine done the right thing. Give KRC the respect she deserves and wait her turn. Instead, she embarrassed KRC and she’s going to learn a harsh lesson at Extreme Election Night 2024.

Johnny Suave: All right. We will be back right after this.

PSA-Leave People’s Political Signs Alone As the screen fades from the first match of the show, a pristine suburban landscape materializes. The camera pans across manicured lawns and cookie-cutter houses, each adorned with limp American flags that seem to sag under the weight of suburban conformity.

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for an important public service announcement. Do you know the importance of exercising your right to vote, but did you know that defacing or stealing campaign signs is a crime?

The camera zooms in on a shadowy figure creeping across a perfectly trimmed lawn. Dressed in all black, complete with a ski mask and gloves, the vandal approaches a yard sporting a “Trump 2020” sign.

As the masked figure reaches for the Trump sign, a series of hidden trapdoor springs activate, launching the would-be vandal into the air.

The perpetrator flails wildly, arms and legs akimbo, as they soar through the air. As the vandal crashes back to earth, the camera pans out to reveal the pristine lawn now marred by a human-shaped indentation.

Masked Figure: Ow.

The sign, however, stands tall and unscathed.

The deep-voiced narrator cuts through the laughter, his tone serious yet tinged with amusement.

Narrator: That’s right, these signs don’t just support a candidate, they’re also the property of private citizens.

The PSA continues, showcasing a montage of increasingly outlandish deterrents. A would-be Harris/Walz sign thief triggers a motion-activated water cannon, sending them sprawling backwards in a comical arc.

Next, the camera zooms in on a spring-loaded mousetrap. As a gloved hand reaches for a Trump/Vance sign, it snaps shut, unleashing a glitter bomb that explodes in a dazzling cloud of sparkles.

Finally, a masked woman tries to spray over a Harris/Walz sign, the lights come on… the fence containing several dogs open up and charge forward.

It’s not a pretty sight.

The crowd in Twining Hall roars with laughter, their reaction a mix of shock and delight at each inventive setup.

Narrator: So, the moral of this story is… if you see a political sign you don’t like… just leave it alone and walk on by.

The last shot is of the masked woman running for her life with five dogs chasing after her.

Johnny Suave: That’s a very good message for what’s been a very divisive campaign.

Colleen Crowder: We are the media are providing the truth. It’s the Trump folks who are being divisive.

Johnny Suave: Speaking of being divisive, how about the Washington Post and the LA Times deciding NOT to endorse Kamala Harris?

This catches Colleen off guard.

Colleen Crowder: What?

Johnny Suave: Yep. The Washington Post is trying to stake an ‘independent’ stance going forward and foregoing endorsing a PCW CEO candidate.

Colleen Crowder: That… that’s… unacceptable. We set the tone. We decide the narrative. We tell people what to think.

Johnny Suave: It’s time for our main event. Let’s go back to Kimber Marshall in the ring.

MAIN EVENT-NON-TITLE: PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline vs. Soccer Mom The ring spotlights flare to life, illuminating Kimber Marshall in all her glory. She’s a vision in a sparkling silver blazer and matching pencil skirt, her brunette waves cascading over her shoulders. The mic gleams in her hand as she lifts it to her red-painted lips, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our main event of the evening!

She takes a dramatic pause, savoring the moment.

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first, standing at 5’6″ and weighing in at 120 pounds, she’s here to fight for your minivans and PTA meetings… Soccer Mom!

On cue, a woman emerges from behind the curtain, clad in mom jeans, a polo shirt, and pristine white sneakers. Her hair is pulled back in a practical ponytail, and she’s clutching a travel mug of coffee like it’s her lifeline.

Soccer Mom: IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!

Soccer Mom’s voice cracks with fervor as she power-walks down the ramp, occasionally pausing to chastise an imaginary child.

Kimber Marshall: And her opponent, hailing from Iowa City, Iowa, standing at 5’9″ and weighing 125 pounds of pure Midwest muscle, she is your reigning, defending PCW Women’s Champion… Catherine Cline!

The arena erupts as Catherine bursts onto the scene, her long athletic frame coiled with energy. Kimber watches in admiration as the young champion bounds down the ramp, her confidence palpable.

The crowd’s roar swells as Catherine Cline raises her championship belt high, a broad smile lighting up her face. She’s soaking in the adoration, her eyes sparkling with the thrill of competition.

Colleen Crowder: Would you look at that shameless pandering?

Crowder’s acerbic voice cuts through the commentary booth.

Colleen Crowder: I bet she kisses babies and poses for selfies too.

Johnny Suave ignores his co-commentator’s snark, focusing on the action.

Johnny Suave: Cline’s connecting with her base, Colleen. That’s Politics 101.

Catherine lowers her belt and begins slapping hands with fans at ringside, her energy infectious. She’s in her element, a natural face of the company.

Colleen can’t resist another dig.

Colleen Crowder: Oh please, she’s one step away from tossing out campaign buttons. When’s the last time she actually wrestled?

In the ring, Soccer Mom is pacing, muttering about PTA meetings and bake sales. The bell rings, and Catherine squares up, ready for action.

Johnny Suave: This is Cline’s tune-up match before Extreme Election Night 2024.

The match begins with a collar and elbow tie-up. Soccer Mom surprisingly overpowers Catherine, whipping her towards the corner. “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!” she shrieks, charging forward.

Catherine nimbly sidesteps her at the last second. WHAM! Soccer Mom slams into the turnbuckle face-first, stumbling backward in a daze.

Johnny Suave: Cline gets out of the way and Soccer Mom hits the turnbuckle hard.

Catherine seizes the moment, rolling Soccer Mom up for a quick pin. The referee’s hand slaps the mat. One! Two! Three!

Johnny Suave: And that’s it!

The arena erupts as Catherine springs to her feet, arms raised in victory. Suave is on his feet.

Johnny Suave: What a statement by our champion! Cline proves once again why she’s the future of this company!

Colleen rolls her eyes.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah, yeah, she beat a suburban mom with a travel mug. Call me when she faces a real challenger… like Kathryn Randall Collins at Extreme Election Night 2024.

Suave, still riding the high of the match, wraps up the show. “That’s all for tonight, folks! Next week, we will be in Madison Square Garden for our final show before Extreme Election Night 2024, see you then!”

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