#Tower of Reconciliation

[sw5w]

Anakin Accepts His Assignment

STAR WARS EPISODE II: Attack of the Clones 00:25:12

[knockknockitsnickels]

"Sacrifice the Yourself" chapter 2: The Broken The Hierophant. Starring the Narrator, Voice of the Tower, Princess Princess, and furby Broken

[moonshynecybin]

vale seriously like just call himmmm like get over itttttt omg stop like stopppp oh my goddddd

[phantomdoofer]

Tower Town, Chapter 33 - Burdens

Anita hissed and held her back as she stood up. At nine months now, the child felt like a ton of bricks. If this kid isn't at least ten pounds, I'll be shocked, she thought irritably.

She hadn't been sleeping much. Having a kid using your organs as a trampoline doesn't give you much time to rest. Anita smirked. Gotta give the kid one thing: they're not afraid to make themselves known. In fact, from their first kick, the baby had been almost hyperactive. Wonder how that'll translate into the outside world.

The night before, Peppino and Tony had come by to visit, and Tony, sitting beside her, had gently laid his head on her swollen belly, running his hands across it. “Bambino,” Tony had said, smiling. “Baby.”

Anita had looked up at Peppino. “God, he's learning fast.”

Peppino had nodded, smiling proudly. “He's-a still a bambino himself, yet he knows so many words! The medicos estimate that, mentally, he's-a closer to two than his-a actual age.”

Tony had lifted his head off her belly, smiling and making happy noises.

And Anita had been surprised to feel the baby respond. “Tony, are you talking to them?”

Tony had sat up and smiled. “T… talk. Talk! Baby!” He'd laid his head back down, gently caressing her skin.

It had been such a tender moment.

Anita sighed. Wish the little menace would go ahead and make their appearance, she thought ruefully. She was past her due date, and she'd been cloistered in their home for weeks now. It was my choice, but… she sighed again, it's damned boring. Having the kid here would give me something to do, at least.

For the thousandth time, she wandered down the wall. They'd only completed the renovations a month ago. It had taken them several months to expand her little cliffside home into a full house… but now it was set. We could have an entire squad of kids in this place, she thought wryly. It had been her idea.

Giuseppe had chuckled at her audacity. “You might feel a little different about a large famiglia once the child is bigger, amata moglie,” he'd said.

Anita smiled. Giuseppe had been nothing but attentive… until she'd shoo’d him away. “I'm not made of porcelain,” she'd said, a touch irritably. “Go on. I can handle myself.”

She stopped. One of the first things she'd put up was the picture of her, Giuseppe, and Gustavo, after Inferno. She gently caressed Gustavo's image… thinking of the heated falling-out that had happened between everyone and her old friend's clone. What a disaster that was.

In the heat of the moment, full of betrayal and hurt, she'd called and blessed him out so viciously she'd shocked herself. She'd hung up without another word. She'd discussed it with Giuseppe.

“I think we all got hurt by that,” Giuseppe had said.

“We all said some things we shouldn't have,” she'd grumbled. “He kind of deserved it, though.”

He'd sighed. “Credo. But… looking back on it, now…”

Anita had put her hand on his shoulder. “We can't just ignore what he did, Sepp. To Peppino, and to Tony, especially.” She'd leaned back on the couch. “If he wants forgiveness, he's gonna have to do it himself.”

Three months later, she wasn't as sure of her own words. Nobody's heard a peep from him, she'd thought.

Finally, she'd gone to her old friend Pepperman for advice.

Pepperman had lowered his glasses. “My dear, I imagine Mr. Farina is likely in the depths of depression. I saw him not long ago, in fact. He was putting on a brave face, but… the eyes. The eyes are the windows of the soul. And his were dark. Dead. I don't think he's capable of such courage as you think he is, right now.” Pepperman had sighed. “I understand your pain, I do. What he did was terrible. But I think…” he paused. “I think extending an olive branch would be quite welcome, right now.”

She blinked, coming back to the present, and she felt the baby kick irritably. They seemed to be very sensitive to her moods. “All right, all right, I copy,” she said, chuckling. She walked into the kitchen, grabbing some food. More for them than me, she thought. She'd struggled with anemia most of the pregnancy. Her doctor had suggested she eat significantly more.

Giuseppe had chuckled. “Anita, you can't eat like a bird like you normally do. You're eating for two.”

She'd grumbled, but started eating more. Thankfully, she hadn't gained much weight. Not an unexpected amount, anyway. A baby - and all the required extras - made it feel like she was wearing a weighted suit. She huffed as she sat back down. Should be any time now.

Giuseppe, as usual, was over at Peppino's. He'd been reluctant, and Peppino had even offered to bring Tony over to their own home. Anita had adamantly refused. “No offense, you two, but what I need right now is peace. And Tony is usually a little saint, I know, but…” she'd smirked at her hovering husband, “you can be a little… too attentive, Sepp.”

So she had the place to herself. More or less.

She stared into the middle distance. She didn't feel like sitting around. The baby bounced - apparently they were in the same mood. Like mother, like child, I guess, Anita thought wryly. Everything was ready.

She stood up, pacing irritably. Why am I so agitated?

The situation with Gustavo popped back into her mind. She tried to ignore it, but it floated back to the front of her mind like a persistent suitor.

Finally, she conceded to herself. Ok, fine. So what is it I want?

She turned it over in her mind, and only one response popped up: you want closure. And you're worried about him. Either reconnect, or break off entirely.

She put her hands on her hips, sighing, vexed with herself. Guess there's nothing for it.

~~~~

Anita climbed carefully out of her car. The bright facade of Gustavo's restaurant glowed brightly in late autumn sunlight. I hope I'm not making a huge mistake.

She carefully opened the door, and a young woman smiled brightly at her. “Hello, ma'am! Welcome to Peppino's! Just one, today?”

Anita smiled wanly, shaking her head. “I'm not actually here to eat, thanks. Could you pass word to Mr. Farina that he has a visitor?”

The young Pig's face fell noticeably. “I, er, I'll let the floor boss know, but, uh, Mr. Farina is… usually not too keen on visitors.”

Anita nodded. “Understood. But let's just give it a try. I think he might make an exception. Tell him Anita Morelli would like to speak to him.”

The young woman blinked, nodded, and went to speak to a distinguished-looking human, who looked surprised at the request. He looked at Anita, who waved amiably, and he disappeared into the back.

Shortly, the man came back out, looking even more surprised. “Mr. Farina asked me to bring you to his office, Signora,” he said. “Please, follow me.”

Shortly, the man was opening a dark wooden door, and she stepped in.

As the door closed behind her, she looked the gnome over. He didn't look up, at first - he was engrossed in a thick sheaf of paperwork. He looks bad. His skin was paler, and there were bags under his eyes. He looked up, and Anita felt a surge of pity well up. He looks so defeated.

“Anita,” he said, his tone leaden. “Decided to come castigate me personally this time?”

Anita felt her heart sink. “Gus…”

Gustavo held a hand up. “Before you say anything… you were right.” He sighed expressively, staring into the distance. “You were all right. I was an idiot. I deserve every bit of grief you've all given me. I had it in the palm of my hand… and I threw it away.” He sighed again, coming back to himself. “So… what did you want to tell me?”

Anita felt her anger - long cooled - transform into pity. “Gus… I'm sorry for how I treated you.”

“Why? You were right,” Gustavo said dully.

Anita growled. “Maybe. But we could have handled it… handled it better. Not - not tossed you out like a bag of trash.”

She hissed as a spike of pain shot through her. Gustavo's eyes went wide, and the first hint of real emotion appeared in them - concern. “Anita?”

She waved it off. “Been happening for days. Don't worry about it.” She leaned forward. “Gus… I know it doesn't mean much… but I've really been thinking about this. What you did… how you did it… was wrong. But… I’ve been worried about you.”

The gnome's eyes seemed to quiver for a moment. “I understand, Anita. But… I don't deserve your concern. I don't…” he paused. “I don't deserve to even be in your presence.”

Anita felt her anger starting to rise. “Gus, you can't be serious. You have a family - a son…”

“I betrayed them both, Anita,” he muttered. “I betrayed you all. If it wasn't for this place, I'd… I'd probably just…”

Anita felt her anger snap, and she slammed her hand down on the desktop. Gustavo jumped… and so did the baby. “Goddammit, Gus, cut it out with the pity party!!” she bellowed. “Yes, you made a mistake. Get the fuck over it. Own up to your mistake and correct it.”

Gustavo's eyes flared with their own anger. “COME OSI? I’ve given up everything - everything - to make amends for what I've done!”

“Bullshit,” Anita roared back. “What you've done is sit here waiting to die, instead of trying to fix it! That's what you want? To leave your son without one of his fathers? My God, Gus! Look at yourself!”

Gustavo sat back, his rage conflicting with the truth of her words. He held up his hands - he stared, truly seeing them for the first time in months. They're so papery, pale. He was pale, true, but he'd always been robust - now he looked halfway to being a walking corpse. He reached up and felt his face - his mustache was ragged and overlong, he could feel the puffy bags under his eyes.

The flame of rage had temporarily burned through the fog of depression… and let him see himself.

“Anita…” he muttered. “What… what am I…”

The woman sat back, a worrying twinge shooting through her. May have overdone it a bit. “Can you see, now, Gus?” She said. “I've been there. You're not living, you're waiting to die. I know you're lonely,” she said, much more kindly. “I lived for almost a decade… completely alone. I get it. I do. But… what you did… is even worse than my abandoning Sepp after your Original died. You can't make amends just sitting here, moldering. You have to rebuild. Be more.” She nodded. “Be a father to your son.”

Gustavo's eyes wobbled. “Do… do you think Peppino would let me be part of Tony's life? After how I hurt him?”

Anita grumbled. “It's not entirely his choice to make, Gus. Tony gets a say, too… and he misses you, Gus. Every time I see him, he's searching for you. Searching for his Little Papa.” She reached across the desk, her hand held palm-upwards. “Regardless of what happened, or happens, between you and Peppino… Tony deserves better.”

Gustavo sighed, deeply. “You're… you're right.” He leaned back, blowing out another breath. “I… don't know if Peppino will have me, though.”

Anita winced slightly as another twinge shot through her. “Won't know til you try, Gus - gah!”

She yelled as a much stronger stab of pain shot through her.

Followed by another.

Gus's eyes went wide, and he stood, quickly circling the desk. “Anita?”

She doubled over, another painful spasm making her clench her teeth. As it released, she gasped in surprise. “Ah, hell. Not now…” Then she felt the wetness between her legs. “Shit. My water’s broke.”

Gustavo's eyes went wide. He quickly flipped open his phone. At the same time, he helped her stand.

“What're you doing, Gus? I need to get to the hospITAL!” Her voice rose several octaves for a second as another painful spasm shot through her.

Gus shook his head. “An ambulance won't have time to get there before we'll have a kid on our hands. I'm driving you myself.” He hustled her through the restaurant - the maitre'd looked shocked. “Jackie, I'm taking her to the hospital! Close the doors, let the customers here finish their meals, then put up a temporarily closed sign! I don't know how long I'll be!”

The maitre'd spluttered. “But, but Signore Farina, what-”

“Baby, man, BABY!” He yelled. “Close up like normal! You can all have the rest of the night off with pay!”

That brightened everyone up. “Sì, Signore!”

As they hustled to Gustavo's car, Anita was having trouble keeping up… mainly due to the fiery spasms shooting through her constantly. “You sure.. we couldn't… have waited?”

As he sat next to her in the car, he felt her belly. “I had medical training too, remember? No. This kid's coming too fast.” He turned, threw the car in gear, and quickly left the lot. “I'm taking you to Boschetto-Verde Hospital.”

As they served through the town, she gasped. “My… doctor's… in Tower Town…”

Gus didn't turn. “If you want him there, you better call him and tell him to hustle, because this kid isn't waiting.” He was gritting his teeth. “Better call Giuseppe, too.”

The suggestion managed to punch through the pain. Yeah. Good point. She fumbled to retrieve her phone, dialed his number… and almost immediately he picked up. “Anita, what's up? It's the baby, isn't it?”

Anita grunted as another spasm made her feel like every muscle in her body was cramping. “Y-yeah. It's coming too fast. Gustavo's taking me to Boschetto-Verde Hospital.” She gasped as another wave tore through her.

“Wait, what? Gustavo?? What are you doing with Gustavo?” Giuseppe's voice was full of mixed panic and suspicion.

“It doesn't - HNGH - doesn't matter, right now, Sepp,” she growled. “If you want - ahah - to see your child born… get here… quick."

“Understood, mi amor. But… what do we do about Tony…?”

Gustavo leaned over. “Just bring him along! I can watch him!”

There was a noticeable pause before he replied. “Va bene, Gustavo. I'll be there il più velocemente possibile.”

“Hurry, Giuseppe, hurry,” Gustavo said. “The child is already turned! It'll be any moment!”

As the call was cut, Anita looked over at Gustavo. “You know there'll be a scene when Peppino gets there… and you have Tony.”

Gustavo's face was hard. “I know. But you're right. I need to face my fears, at least a little. And my… my son… needs me.”

Anita leaned back. Despite the agonizing spasms in her body, she felt pleased with herself. Maybe there's hope for him yet.

~~~~

As they wheeled Anita into the birthing room, everyone jumped as a sonic boom rattled the whole building. One of the nurses screamed, and the ER doctor cursed. “What in the hell was that??” He cried.

Gustavo smirked. “That is the father, inbound.”

The doctor laughed. “Who is he, Peppino Spaghetti?”

Anita chuckled, then hissed. “Close… it's his brother, Giuseppe.”

The whole crowd went quiet. “I forgot they all lived so close,” the doctor said quietly.

Anita hissed as another spasm hit her. “Hero worship… later, Doc. Baby now.”

The doctor shook his head, and his face cleared. “Right. Let's get you set up, Ma'am…”

Gustavo turned just as Giuseppe trotted through the doors, Tony in his arms. “Where is she?” He said frantically.

Gustavo pointed. “Just took her in. Here, let me have him. You need to be in there.”

Giuseppe gave Gustavo a searching look… and then Tony leaned forward, reaching for Gus. “Papa,” he said, getting progressively more excited. “Papa!”

Gustavo felt his heart simultaneously leap and clench. He was afraid… afraid of holding my own son. He shook his head, reaching out to take the infant and the bag Giuseppe was holding. “Go, man, go!”

Giuseppe nodded, and ducked into the birthing room.

Tony wrapped his little arms around Gustavo's neck. “Papa,” he said happily. He snuggled under Gustavo's chin.

Gustavo awkwardly patted his son's back. For the first time in ages, he felt… warm.

He set the bag down beside a chair, then sat down himself. Now, we wait.

~~~~

Giuseppe was stopped at the verge but a nurse. “Sir, I assume you're the father? You'll need to put on some scrubs.” She held out a set. “Hurry, she's already almost fully dilated.”

Giuseppe tried not to let his frustration show, but he quickly donned the flimsy outfit, fitting the mask over his bulbous nose. Always some goddamn roadblock.

He was so anxious he accidentally used his speed to enter the room - to everyone else, he simply appeared. The same nurse screamed again.

Anita, even in her pained state, scowled at the nurse. “Jumpy, aren't you?” She growled.

Giuseppe clasped her hand, chuckling. “Don't chastise them, mi amor. They're not used to this sort of thing.”

Anita winced and arched her back a bit as another wave of pain shot through her. “Maybe… tch… but they should be… on the ball with - HNGH - this part. Where's that damn epidural they mentioned?”

On cue, the doctor reappeared, needle and catheter in hand. “Sorry, sorry, the anesthesiologist got a little confused,” he said. Giuseppe helped him sit Anita up, and he deftly inserted the needle. “Somehow he thought she had your powers, Mr. Spaghetti, he was assigning the wrong dosage.”

Giuseppe nodded. “Good thing you were paying attention.”

As the doctor slipped in the catheter, he winced. “Not every day we get a modern-day hero in here. Much less two of them.”

Anita sighed in relief as the anesthesia took effect. “With another sitting in the waiting area.”

“And another on the way,” Giuseppe mumbled.

Anita turned. “Huh?”

“I called Pino just before I came up here,” he said quietly. “He said he wanted to be here for the birth, if he could.”

Anita squeezed his hand as another contraction swam through her. While the pain was gone, it was still very uncomfortable. “I warned… him that… there'd probably be a… scene when Pep… got here,” she gasped out.

“And what did he say to that?” Giuseppe mumbled.

“He said… his son needed… him. And… he needed to… face his fears.”

Giuseppe reared back, then nodded. “There's hope for him, yet.”

“That was my… thought as well,” she said, gritting her teeth. “I just hope… Pep gives him… a chance to explain.”

The doctor, having assumed his customary position, looked up and gave a thumbs-up. “Everything looks to be ready to go, Mrs. Morelli. The baby's crowned nicely, and for a first-timer, you're moving along.”

Anita smiled, but it looked strained. “Here's hoping… it stays that way.”

~~~~

Peppino skidded to a stop outside the hospital. A swirl of debris surrounded him for a moment, and he paused to let it settle.

It matched the emotions in his head.

Giuseppe had let him know that Gustavo had brought Anita to the hospital… and was taking care of Tony. A faint sense of betrayal bled through him… but it was overwhelmed with a raging storm of other emotions. Why was he with Anita? Giuseppe wouldn't hand Tony over unless he had to.

After a quick check-in at the desk (“your brother and sister-in-law both indicated you were cleared to come in”), he followed the arrows to the maternity area. He heard cries from the birthing room. Probably off-limits, right now, anyway. He turned towards the waiting area…

Gustavo sat with Tony on his lap, trying to keep the little boy occupied. Tony was laughing and batting playfully at the gnome's face, and Peppino's heart clenched. Like nothing happened.

He coughed to get the gnome's attention.

Gustavo looked up, and his eyes went wide, jumping on his feet. Tony, being the empath he was, stopped laughing and turned to his father… then back to his other father.

For long moments, they locked eyes, a flood of feelings passing between them.

Peppino held out his hands. “Give him to me, per favore.”

Gustavo held the boy out…

Tony let out the loudest shriek he'd ever managed, and turned, bawling, to Gustavo. Instinctively, Gustavo pulled the bambino to him, patting his back and shushing him. “Tony, it's OK. You need… you need to go back to your Papa, now.”

The pain in his voice made Peppino hesitate.

Tony violently shook his head. “Papa!” He yelled, hugging the gnome's neck. “Papa!”

Peppino relented, his heart breaking as he did. “If-a he wants to stay with-a you, I won't-a stop him,” he said quietly.

Gustavo shook his head. “No. I don't deserve him. You need to have him.”

Suddenly Tony leaned back, locking eyes with Gustavo. Gently, he reached out, patting the gnome's face, then turning and holding out his arms to Peppino.

Wordlessly, Gustavo handed the child over to Peppino.

Immediately Tony locked eyes with Peppino, made the same gentle head-pat, then turned and reached for Gustavo.

Bemused, he started to hand the child back to the gnome.

As their hands touched, Tony gently grabbed both their arms, holding them together. He looked from one, to the other, whimpering gently.

The two men locked eyes again. “Dalla bocca dei bambini…” Peppino muttered.

Gustavo nodded. “Peppino… I'm so… so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, to hurt the others, so badly. Things happened, and then they couldn't be taken back…”

Peppino sighed. “I know. I saw it in your eyes, the day it-a happened. But I was-a hurting too much. It… it still-a hurts.”

Gustavo looked down.

Peppino reached out, gently touching the gnome's shoulder. “But… I should-a remember… people make-a mistakes. Tell me, Gustavo…” his face was serious, drawn. “If you could do it all over again… our joining together, conceiving a child… would-a you do it again?”

Gustavo looked up, and nodded. “Sì, assolutamente. My deepest regret for the last six months has been… has been… how much I hurt you. How much I gave up. I shouldn't even have considered doing what I did. I can't take back my actions, but… I want… I want to be part of your life, again. Of Tony's life. Of everyone's lives.” Gustavo looked up, tears of regret in his eyes. “Peppino… Can you find it in your heart… to forgive me?”

Peppino gave him a long, searching look, and Gustavo quailed. In that moment, his life, his entire existence, hung on what the Italian would say next. If he says no, life won't even be worth living.

After a long silence, Peppino sighed. “I… I don't know if I can fully forgive you, Gustavo, but… I'm-a willing to give you a chance to redeem yourself.”

Gustavo felt his eyes fill. “That's all I ask, Peppino.”

Tony patted Gustavo's arm. “Papa,” he said. Turning, he did the same to Peppino. “Papa,” he repeated.

Gustavo sat back down, holding the baby close. “What would we do without you, bambino?”

Tony gently slapped Gustavo's face, laughing as only a baby could laugh.

Peppino sat beside him. “I admit, I've… missed you, Gustavo. But… I- I don't-a know.” Peppino shook his head. “It still-a hurts.”

Gustavo nodded. “Sì. It still hurts.”

The two of them sat together, a mixture of sorrow and relief on their faces.

~~~~

Anita breathed heavily, then held it and pushed, her face in a ferocious grimace as she did so. People saying it was like trying to pass… an entire watermelon… weren't kidding!

Giuseppe sat by, holding her hand, gently wiping her face, trying not to leap out of his skin at every push. What exactly do you say at a time like this? He thought. Everything seemed either pointless or trite.

So he opted to hold her hand and just be present.

She paused between pushes to look up at him. “Were you…this enormous… when you were born?” She growled.

He chuckled. “To hear Mama tell it, yes. But from what I hear, it's like that for all women. Especially their first one.”

She paused to push agoan, scowling. “GnnnnnAHH. Hah. Are you sure there isn't some Gnome in your ancestry?”

The doctor chuckled and looked up. “You're almost there, Mrs. Morelli. I think one more good push should do it.”

Anita clamped her hand down with crushing force on Giuseppe's hand, and he clasped it in both of his. “One more, amore mio.”

Anita simply nodded, and focused all her being into a final effort.

Finally, a huge change rushed through her body, like a great weight had been lifted. She panted, glancing down towards the doctor.

For several tense moments, there was silence… and both of them felt their breath catch.

Then a strident wail broke through the silence, and both parents relaxed.

“Mr. Spaghetti, Mrs. Morelli, I believe you have a little girl,” the doctor said proudly.

The doctor took the child over to a table, and several nurses helped in cleaning the child up.

Anita turned to Giuseppe, and he gently kissed her on the forehead, smiling radiantly. “You did it, amore mio.”

Anita snorted. “We did it, Sepp.”

As the nurses cleaned Anita up and sat her up in the chair, the doctor proudly carried the little one over to her, setting them in her arms.

Giuseppe leaned over, his cheek touching his wife's.

The little girl looked up at them, looking annoyed and tired. She grunted, and looked around.

Anita chuckled. “Bet she's hungry,” she said.

Giuseppe did the same. “My daughter? Definitely.”

Anita gently let the child latch on, and Giuseppe carefully ran his hand across her head. He looked over, locking eyes with Anita. “I can't believe she's finally here.”

She laughed, a more genuine laugh than he'd heard from her in a while. “She's taken her sweet time. But she's here, she's ours, and we've got a whole life together ahead of us.” She looked over, then laughed again. “We have an audience, by the way.”

Peeping around the doorway, Peppino, Gustavo, and Tony looked like a trio of curious children, instead of two grown men and their son.

Anita looked at the doctor. “Think it'll be OK if they come in?”

The doctor shrugged. “As long as they're masked and don't touch the baby, I think we'll be fine."

A nurse obligingly handed the three masks. Peppino quickly slipped his on, and fitted the small one over Tony, who squirmed but didn't fight much.

Gustavo held his in his hand. “Is… is it OK for me to come in?” He said.

Anita snorted. “I'm saying it is. Get over here, short stack.”

Gustavo looked at Giuseppe… who nodded. “Come on, rock.”

As they approached, Giuseppe waved at Peppino. “You two come to blows?”

Peppino shook his head. “No. We came to… an agreement. We still have a lot to discuss, but…”

Giuseppe nodded. “All right. Well then, since everyone's here, we have an announcement to make.”

Anita nodded. “Yep. Everyone, we would like to formally introduce to you… Sofia Giovanna Spaghetti.”

Peppino's eyes went wide, and grew misty. “Ah,” he said quietly. He wiped a tear away. “How adatto.”

Gustavo looked confused. “It's a beautiful name, but… why ‘appropriate?”

Giuseppe looked down. “Oh, I forgot, you weren't there for that… Mama told us something a couple of months ago.”

Peppino nodded. “Sì. We… we were not Mama and Papa's first child.”

Gustavo felt his heart sink. “What happened?”

Giuseppe started. “When Mama and Papa came to La Crosta, Mama was pregnant. They had nothing to their names, so both of them had to work. Mama, being the powerhouse she'd always been, took a heavy labor job. One day, there was an accident, and Mama took a hard shot… right to the gut.” He sighed. “It caused a miscarriage. She was six months along, so they found out… it would have been a little girl.”

“Mama told us she named-a the child Sofia,” Peppino said quietly. “We had an older sister… and we never knew it.”

Anita nodded. “I can only imagine how hard it was on her.” Anita gently bounced the little child in her arms. “Now, the thought of losing this little nugget… I think I'd go mad.”

“So, we agreed: if it was a girl… we'd name her Sofia… after our lost sister.”

Gustavo nodded. “Sì. Very… very appropriate.”

Tony leaned forward in Peppino's arms, reaching towards the baby. Peppino gently took the boy's hand and pulled it away. “No, no, figlio,” he said gently, “it's not safe, yet.”

Tony looked confused, then suddenly seemed to understand. He stared at the smaller child. “So… Sofie,” he said. He waved at the child. “‘lo, Sofie.”

~~~~

As Anita was moved to Recovery, Gustavo, Peppino, and Giuseppe stood together. Tony had switched back to being in Gustavo's arms. He seemed to want to share them, as much as he could.

Peppino spoke up. “Seppe… Gustavo and I have… buried-a the hatchet, somewhat. Would you be willing to do the same? I think… I think he deserves it.”

Giuseppe looked down. “You… you hurt us bad, Gus. Real bad.”

Gustavo nodded sadly. “I know. I'll never really be able to make up for it, but… as I said to Peppino… I want to be part of your lives, again. Of Tony's life.” He sighed. “If you'll have me.”

Giuseppe gave him a long, searching look… then sighed himself. “Anita told me what she was doing with you… and what you said.” He held out a hand. “Thank you… for taking care of my wife… and child. You didn't have to.”

Gustavo took his hand in both of his. “Yes I did.”

Giuseppe nodded, a faint smile crossing his face. “Because that's what friends do, right?”

Gustavo nodded. “Sì. It is.”

Giuseppe took his hand away. “It'll take time, but… I think you're serious, little boulder.” He looked over this shoulder. “I gotta go. Got a wife and child to take care of.” He smiled goofily. “My daughter.”

As he left, Tony whined, reaching for Peppino, and Gustavo passed him up. “Gus…” Peppino started.

Gustavo held up his hands. “I think… we should go slowly, Peppino. I shouldn't just… reinsert myself into everyone's lives. Someday… maybe.”

Peppino looked at Tony. “There's… there's still a place for you, at my home,” he said quietly.

“I don't think I'm anywhere close to that, yet, Pep,” Gustavo said quietly. “I still… I still have a lot to work out. In my head.” He reached up and took Tony's hand. “That wantonness… it's still in me. I need to… to be better.” He grinned. “I can come visit, though.”

Peppino nodded. “If that's what-a you want, amico,” he said quietly.

“It is.”

Peppino was silent for several moments. “I… I have missed you… amico,” he whispered.

Gustavo nodded in agreement. “I've missed you, too. I've missed you all.”

The two men stood, apart and together, simply enjoying each others' company.

[waitingforsecretsouls]

Catching up on Tower of God, and all these theories about how obviously Zahard is the one who did something to Traumerei’s memories and that’s the only reason he could possibly be loyal to him, and as soon as Bam or Gustang or whatever gives him back his memories he’s immediately gonna turn on Zahard are reeeaally weird to me, and diminishing to both Zahard and Traumerei as characters. 

Everything we’be been shown about Traumerei so far paints him as a huge cunt, by choice, who gets off on the suffering of others (which is why he’s a favourite, of course <3 ). When he’s not napping or dead inside he’s short-tempered, capricious and cruel.  A feature not a bug, if you will. While it’s true that we haven’t been shown the origin of his memory-and-emotion-discarding habit we have been shown occasions where he proactively chooses that course of action by himself-in the Yasratcha flashback, where he returned from the Nest to feed some more to Leviathan before dealing with Nen Nen and Wang Wang, and sometime after the incident, if you go by his distorted recollection of the event to Yasratcha. We know from Leviathan that Traumerei is the one who created him and kept feeding ‘filthy’ memories and emotions to him, in quite the amount from what it sounds like. These memories, going by what we know so far, would contain Traumerei at his worst, such as his punishment of Wang Wang, Nen Nen and Yasratcha for example, and likely be coloured by resentment and hatred rather than regret and sorrow (something soldified by Leviathans demeanour, imo) (meaning the current Traumerei is the ‘sanitized’ version).

That aside, how exactly would Zahard have found a way to force Traumerei to cut unwanted memories and emotions out of himself in a way that seems distinctly Traumerei (involving the creation of a Shinheu)? This is not the Hidden Floor, where they were simple data to manipulate and erase (without ill effects to their real/outside selves)! Why would Traumerei have kept up that coping mechanism over the millenia, if it was something forced upon him by Zahard? Why exactly would Zahard himself inquire after Traumerei’s memories, if a key piece of Traumerei’s loyalty to him was their erasure? Zahard himself is the one who brings them up in the first place! What seems like a realtively recent problem to boot, and in a way that seems more eager that he remember and out of worry for an old friend and comrade (’By the way, what kind of nightmares have you been having lately? Do you still not remember?’), (at the end of their strategy meeting, after the ‘business talk’ is already finished) than as some sort of insidious check-up to make sure that he doesn’t remember something from tens of thousands of years ago. It honestly feels like people projecting their dislike of Zahard onto Traumerei, when everything we’ve ever heard about him and are ever shown about him shows him as an ‘enthusiastic’ follower of Zahard and having an absolutely insane treshold of what counts as genuine loyalty. Heck, going by everything about him, it’s more likely that even if he had harboured resentment against Zahard, he would erase it himself to uphold the standard of loyalty he preaches!

In fact, I’d go so far as to say, in view of the Yasratcha flashback and obvious mirroring between him and Traumerei, that it’s far likelier that Traumerei came up with some weird revenge scheme as punishment for ‘abandoning’ him rather than simply being yoinked along by Zahard in something, and that, if he erased his memories because he found them unpleasant to deal with, it was not due to guilt or sorrow but anger and resentment (as we eg. see him exhibit in the flashback upon returning from a trip to the Nest, where he clearly has some leftover frustration).

A lot of fanon seems to view Traumerei as former emotionally softie of the group, who was a poor little meow-meow before he experienced a deep betrayal that emotionally hardened him. While I’m ready to concurr with the latter (and the general fact that the Great Warriors devolved into worse personalities with time) I’d like to point to the examples of what Traumerei perceives as ’betrayals’ in the story, and whether they seem reasonable and justified to feel betrayed by in the first place, or deserving of ‘punishment’, and then reflect upon the likelihood of Traumereis formative betrayal (assuming there is one, definitive one, or that it even involves the Great Warriors) being a cut and dry affair.

As for painting Zahard as the instigator of his unpleasant personality, it reflects an unwillingness to let people other than him be fucked up even though we already know plenty of other family leaders who are, as well as lack of consideration that Zahard might care about some people, like his oldest comrades, and they care about him in turn. Zahard confiding in Traumerei with regards to his views and plans in the first place, Traumerei going above and beyond his assignment to try to turn Bam against Gustang if he proves useful, for example. ‘But the order concering the Poe Bideau family!’- Gustang is the one who stirs the pot in the first place, the one who stole an item whose sole purpose is to defeat Zahard, the one who basically declared if not war certainly conflict, and let it be known that it’s not like Zahard put out a hit on Gustang (which would arguable be pointless, but we do know people as powerful as Eurasia Enne Zahard are capable of getting imprisoned) but merely his family, Gustang’s major instrument for affecting the politics of the Tower.

As of now it seems far more plausible to me for whatever leftover memories that are haunting Traumerei as nightmares to be something done by him instead of to him.

I think that it’s been set up that Traumerei is gonna remember something at the least, and likely something big (maybe eventually prodded by Bam, whom Leviathan told of at least some memories fed to him), but when he does it’s not gonna lead to a sudden heel-turn and alliance, problem solved, but instead a Traumerei actually out for blood, instead of bored and dead inside (anyone remember Bam’s refusal to let Leviathan go free bc ‘if I let it out [...] I’d be committing a sin against the world’ (TOG #531)? That Shinheu formed out of all of Traumerei’s most negative memories and emotions he discarded? That would presumably bubble back up inside Traumerei himself when he remembers?)

To close with a Maschenny quote that summarizes my hopes for Traumerei:

“Has it really disappeared now? That rage of yours? [...] Even if you say that rage has hardened and sunk in your mind, I don’t understand how it could just fly away in the wind like that. It gets more intense and clings to you even more firmly as time passes and you recall those memories. That’s the kind of emotion that rage is. And as long as that rage lives-war can break out at any time.”

-Khun Maschenny Zahard, Tower of God #390

[ivorytowersdragqueen]

National day for truth and reconciliation

Today is National day for truth and reconciliation. If anything, donate to a Indigenous cause you feel connected to! https://lnkd.in/gtHzdvJn I chose the HIP (Honouring Indigenous Peoples)

[ditzybat]

I see a lot in fanon of Jason being Tim’s fav robin - and I’m guilty of enjoying it and posting content in that same vein - but honestly we need to sit down and think critically for a second… Tim’s favorite robin is definitely Dick - after all he did sorta bring start everything for Tim as he is a pillar in his orgin story. But like we all write the Jason and Tim brother relationship all sweet and reconciliation (which, in current canon is sorta true, if apprehensive) when in reality Tim actively makes fun of Jason during titans tower when he’s getting his shit handed to him, would call him a flop to his face, and probably barely tolerated his Robin in comparison to Dick’s out of respect for the name. And Jason is just the definition of Cain instinct mixed in with imposter syndrome, and really doesn’t gaf all too much about Tim besides baseline animosity shown in the beginning of their relationship (as it seems that we’ve all collectively decided to stop recognizing any comic after 2010 apparently- which… is fair to be honest 😭) - BUT ANYWAY I just thought it was very silly haha to find that we’ve all somehow interpreted their relationship one way when it’s really written a completely different way, I just love the extravagant game of telephone we all play when making fandom content/spaces.

[laurashapiro-noreally]

Good Omens S2 fic recs

Need something good to read?

it's written all over by @et-in-arkadia, who never fails to grab me by the throat. Aziraphale comes back that very night and gives Crowley exactly what he wants...sort of. (E)

A Million Times by @chamyl. A breathless, tender reconciliation with excellent Muriel in. (E)

Not for All My Little Words by @mia-ugly and soft_october. For everyone who wants to see Aziraphale apologize. A lot. (E)

I'll Wait by @copperplatebeech. Could've chosen any of a dozen of Copper's sharp, shrewd pieces. Whether you like them funny, aching, hot, or tender, she's got your number -- often all at once. This one's (T)

A Bit of a Gray Area by @princip1914. Look, I for one was waiting for bad angry standing-up sex in a bathroom. The fact that it's one of my favorite authors providing it is the icing on my eccles cakes. (E)

(Do eccles cakes have icing? Is the E in eccles capitalized? I am not doing research for this Tumblr post.)

Five First Kisses And One [5+1 Things] by @werpiper. If you need to believe that there were many kisses before That One, this is a great story to enjoy, and if you need to believe they were banging through history, @werpiper is a great writer to get acquainted with. (E)

in the french fashion by @giddygeek. Were you wanting that 1941 "something I can do for you" hot, romantic, in-character, and intellectually intriguing? Step right up. (E)

the soft animal of your body by @focusfixated. A short but powerful take on the ox rib situation. (E)

An Invitation to Dance by @lavraiemonchichi. Another short take. What if the apology dance, but kinky? (E)

Covenant of Salt by @twwings. Make it long, make it deep, do it in the dark. Hard, complicated like fine wine. Yeah, that's the way I like it. Get acquainted with twings, she's dynamite in this or any other fandom (ask me about her MCU novel!).(E)

the two shepherds of uruk by @inkatesbush. WHAT a story, OMG. A slow burn in the context of the Tower of Babel. These two hardly know one another, but they'll learn, oh, they'll learn. Agile prose, storytelling like a blow to the solar plexus. (E)

White on White by @twilightcitysky. What could be a more appropriate erotic awakening for Aziraphale than a sad wank in Heaven? Well, I could tell you, but you'd have more fun if you read this story and its sequels. (E)

The Butterfly Effect by @plaidadder. A master storyteller at the top of their game, this Doctor Who crossover works even if you don't know Doctor Who and aren't excited about crossovers. Why? Because what could be more satisfying than putting Aziraphale and Crowley in a time loop until they work out their nonsense? I'll tell you what: humor, stunningly romantic prose, Revelations-inspired eldritch horrors, and happy endings for everyone. (T)

Have fun and don't forget to leave comments!

[empressconjure]

Pick A Card: How do they feel about you right now??🩷

Hi everyone!!! I hope this reading finds you well<3 If you like this reading and would like to see more please follow as I will be posting readings frequently��� I also plan on providing my Patreon where I will be posting more often and the readings will be a lot more specific✨ info to book a personal reading coming soon🤍 Asé

Think of your person and pick an image 1-4 (left to right)

Pile 1- The Heirophant, 9 of swords, 2 of pentacles, The hanged man

Signs- Heavy Taurus, Gemini, Capricorn

Key words- Reconciliation

You have this person in their head!! They don’t know where they stand with you and it’s driving them insane. This person knows they have to walk away from something if they want to be with you. I clarified the 2 of pentacles and got the Empress. I also pulled the 8 of cups and 2 of cups for clarity. For most of you this is definitely a 3rd party situation. The 3rd party doesn’t have to be another person though, it can be their responsibilities that are stopping them from being with you. For others, it could be another person. Either way, I feel like this person is choosing to walk away from the 3rd party so they can be with you. I’m hearing reconciliation. This person is realizing that they have to make a sacrifice to be with you and they will make that sacrifice because they want a relationship with you !!🥰🥰

Pile 2- Queen of cups, page of swords, Wheel of Fortune, 8 of wands

Signs- Pisces, Cancer, Sagittarius

Key words- Spying

The first thing I immediately picked up for you guys who chose this pile is that this person is watching you from afar. I feel like there hasn’t been much communication between you and this person recently. With the wheel of fortune and the 8 of Wands, communication is coming!!! This person is very logical and they like to think things through before moving forward in relationships or connections. This person is drawn to your Caring personality and you bring them a lot of comfort so I do see them coming forward to communicate with you. I asked what they want to say to you and got the 4 of cups and the strength card so I feel like this person wants to explain why they’ve been distant. It’s not that they don’t like you, with the strength card this person tends to hold back and observe before making a move. This person feels like they may have gave you the wrong impression. So they want to explain why they have been distant with you (it’s nothing personal) ☺️

Pile 3- Judgement, Knight of swords, Emperor, The Tower

Signs- Heavy Aries and Scorpio, also air signs

Key words- Jelousy

Wow pile 3, this person is mad asf. I feel like this person has a short temper and they may also be a bit controlling. I asked what they were angry about and got the 7 of Wands, Queen of swords, and 10 of swords. This reading is very specific so pick another pile if this doesn’t resonate❤️, this person has a bruised ego for sure. I feel like a lot of you may have cut this person off or maybe you cut off communication with this person and they are PISSED. 😭 They are mad that you ended things with them and they also feel jealous. I clarified the 7 of Wands and got the lovers, so I feel like this person doesn’t want anyone else to have you. They feel like you belong to them 😳 This person has a lot to say and with this dominant energy I’m getting from them, I feel like they are definitely gonna be telling you how they feel about this ending. Sheesh😂

Pile 4- 9 of cups, 5 of pentacles, 5 of swords, page of cups, 4 of pentacles

Signs- Heavy pisces, Capricorn

Key Word- Rejection

Awwwe pile 4 🥺 this person feels rejected by you. I get a really sweet and innocent energy from them. They really like you but they feel like you’re ignoring them or that you’re not paying attention to them anymore. This person thinks you are closed off to them. This person is a sweetheart and they just want to see where things can go with you. They feel like they’ve been trying to get your attention or give you hints and they feel like it’s not working. I asked what their next actions are and got the Fool so this person wants to have a new beginning with you. I’m starting to feel emotional, so I feel like you may have hurt this persons feelings on accident. Maybe you’re just an introvert and take longer to open up. Regardless, I do see them coming forward to have another opportunity with you🥰🩷 be nice to this person🥺

[sw5w]

She Will Still Need Protecting

STAR WARS EPISODE II: Attack of the Clones 00:25:04

[ghost-bxrd]

G A S P

OKAY GUYS WE’VE GOT ONE PROGRAMMER, ONE ARTIST, AND ONE WRITER! WHO ELSE!?!?!?!?

As someone who does make games your gotham point and click game post makes me want to actually make it so bad SKSDJF

AKSNDNKSKSNE I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE WHO MAKES GAMES ACTUALLY FOUND THIS POST LET’S GOOOOO!!!!

Now we only need some more writers and artists(and DC’s permission 😭) and we’re set! The game of the year! 😩

[littlesmartart]

based on @lilnasxvevo 's post here because I COULD NOT RESIST. where is the subgenre of 3zun reconciliation fics where xiyao have to fuck nmj back to health???? where is it???? wen qing is here because reasons. don't question it.

doubly hilarious if this is an AU where jgy has already begun to try and use Music Makes You Lose Control - nmj has to go to his sworn brothers and explain that his doctor thinks bottoming might fix him better than music, and whilst lxc is smiling politely and doing worldslongestyeahboi.mp4 in his head, jgy is sitting there frantically trying to figure out how he could poison nmj with his dick instead.

(he doesn't kill nmj because jgy is so fucking touch-starved that after one midweek sex break with da-ge and er-ge he's full of so much serotonin and so de-stressed that he goes back to Koi Tower like :) :) not giving this up :) :) patricide time :) :) ......also the alternative is to try and explain to his dad why he's not playing Evil Music anymore and what he's doing instead, and there is a non-zero chance his dad will respond to this by trying to make him a fulltime sex assassin. so yeah! :) PROMOTION TIME ZIXUAN-GE :) )

and obviously, when the new "treatment" clearly begins to work...

[theveil-and-thepath]

Mini PAC n° 3: Three things that will be solved before the end of mercury retrograde

Pile 1 (red) - Pile 2 (orange) - Pile 3 (green) - Pile 4 (blue)

You can pick more than one! Just follow your heart!

The current mercury retrograde period ends on december 15th 2024, so this may also be read as 3 things that will soon happen to you.

*This is a source of entertainment, your destiny is in your hands.*

Pile 1

1 - Three of Wands , Four of Swords, XVI Thunderbolt (The Tower). Ring , Lily , Sun. Jupiter in Virgo – Patience

2 - The Lovers , Ace of Swords. Seven of Water (cups) - Projections. Fish , Clover , Ship. Moon in Virgo – Order

3 - The Chariot , Seven of Pentacles, Ace of Clouds (swords) - Consciousness. Fox , Stars , Whip. Venus in Virgo – Discrimination

🌸 You will hear news of someone who has been far away or hasn't been in touch for a while. Good for people in long distance relationships or who are waiting for your partner to return from a trip. The waiting time will be over.

🌸 Arrangements for a long awaited trip will be successful. The money for a trip will appear. A friend or partner may help you in these. You may receive good news from abroad. Some of you will receive a package or be able to ship something that may have been stuck (if you have a business and a customer had issues with their order, it will be resolved).

🌸 You will call out on someone, or pass judgement on them, vocally make a criticism towards them, after you have been observing their behaviour for a while. You may remove things or paperwork from your room/ or your life after you see it no longer aligns with your values. You can declutter your house and your life. You may be very black and white or extreme when it comes to deciding the objects that stay or leave.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Pile 2

1 - King of Wands , Four of Pentacles, Queen of Clouds (swords) - Morality. Ship , Coffin , Anchor. Mars in Libra – Choice

2 - Five of Swords , Nine of Cups, XII New vision (The Hanged Man). Tree , Man , Book. Jupiter in Scorpio – Manipulation

3 - Page of Swords , The High Priestess, Queen of Clouds (swords) - Morality.Stork , Dog , Tower. Sun in Aquarius – Idealism

🌸 I think you may change jobs, or decide you want a different boss, or go solo in business. You will decide to invest money in yourself and your future. You learn that clinging to your present self will not give you stability. You let go of your resistance to change.

🌸 You will undergo deep learning of some sort. It can be an argument you have, or a man in your life may bring something up that you hadn't noticed before. This can be self realization of your own patterns or about their behavior or someone else's behavior. It is a moment to be awakened and see which relationships are toxic in your life, or the bad habits you have, you will decide to be smarter from now on.

🌸 Sorry about the repetitive message, but you will decide to change your life in order to live according to your standards. You will raise your standards or realize that what you once dreamed and seemed far is, in fact, an achievable goal. After a period of introspection, as soon as mercury turns direct you may witness yourself changing your own life. This makes perfect sense for mercury retrograde in sagittarius, you will use all your intellect and intuition to enact change and give birth to a new life for yourself. Coming from the page to the queen of swords, you mature a lot and decide to bring a stable foundation.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Pile 3

1 - Three of Cups , Five of Swords, Ten of Clouds (swords) - Rebirth. Ring , Child , Moon. Venus in Cancer – Birth

2 - Seven of Cups , Eight of Cups, Knight of Fire (wands) - Intensity, Stork , Crossroad , Fish, Mars in Virgo – Criticism

3 - The Emperor , Six of Cups, Three of Rainbows (pentacles) - Guidance, Heart , Lily , Sun, Venus in Scorpio – Secrets

🌸 You will solve a problem with your mother or family. You either get the reconciliation you thought impossible, with them bringing a peace offer to you; or you break up and end a relationship to start anew. A new life or a new relationship may start after the old is gone.

🌸 If someone is rude to you or overly proud, you may turn your back to them temporarily. You will assess some of your life choices and chase only what makes you feel good.

🌸 The third thing that will be solved is that you will no longer feel lonely because you may discover someone at work has feelings for you. Or someone at work will be very gentle and nurturing and teach you or assist you with something. A man also has sexual intentions towards you, but you will see this as something to bring you great joy. I'd say a situation with a crush may be resolved or progress.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Pile 4

1 - Six of Wands , Queen of Wands, XXI Completion (The World), Rider , Key , Lily, Venus in Capricorn – Convention

2 - King of Pentacles , Eight of Wands, Four of Water (cups) - Turning in, Child , Fox , Clover, Venus in Cancer – Birth

3 - Nine of Cups , Ten of Wands, XXI Completion (The World), Heart , Sun , Crossroad, Mercury in Taurus – Resistance

🌸 You will successfully complete something that was difficult or that you depended upon someone else's input to conclude. The other person does their part, or you manage it yourself, but it is solved brilliantly. Something you do during this period will bear a LOT of fruit, and i think people will even compliment you, say you are perfect at something, they will look up to you, and all eyes and attention will be on you. You can be seen as beautiful as well, or a suitable and attractive person for marriage.

🌸 You will receive a surprise opportunity. I think you will spot, very cleverly, an opportunity. For some, you will set your eyes on a new romantic prospect. For others, you will find a way to speed up something that may have been slow.

🌸 You may second guess or start to question your relationship. Alternatively, you will ask yourself "Am i truly happy with all of these accomplishments? Was it all worth the effort?". You will take time to think if what you seem to love truly brings you joy.

[dhampling]

both free gn!reader, 2.1k

The first thing Astarion notes is that the blood scent weeping from every pore of your broken body is no longer familiar. It rots. 

A burning stench, charred and sour as it licks the back of his nose. 

A few moments of petrified silence before his feet carry him to you. 

-

you reject bhaal's greatest gift and pay with your life. to this, your horrified love bears witness.

word count: 2,105

a massive THANK YOU to @scarstothepast for sending this request my way - i hope it does your idea justice <3

as always, read the tags and decide your fate!

-

Mutilation. 

Reduced to nothing but a flaccid gasp of your former self; a marionette in your father’s horrid hand.

Mangled beyond recognition. Bhaal’s rotten plaything. His prodigal children, both dead. 

Far past any conceivable beg for reconciliation. 

Naught but a smack as your carcass plummets to stone.

-

The Bhaalist temple is ripe, unsurprisingly. 

The smell of a weeping wound seeps from every porous surface. Infection in the mortar, decay in the miry ridges lining the floor; burning flesh amidst flame torches and wails in the middle distance akin to an abattoir. 

Yet, Astarion finds comfort there solely in your confidence. Your conviction. Your will to want for better, to reject your savage bloodline. The power you command over that innate desire to harm. 

You’ve prepared well for this encounter. You’re aware of the risks, you’ve scoped out the entrance to Orin’s rancid shrine; and you’ve gathered appropriate accomplices from your rooms in the Elfsong to assist you in rescuing the one of you held in her clutches.

He should be a little wary. A little skittish. Observant, always; but there should be a little rattle in his brain telling him to hold back from the rest of you. 

The self-preservation instinct developed over two centuries in captivity simply isn’t there.

He’s free, because of you. 

He wants to rip the windpipe from the changeling’s throat with his bare teeth. 

Stalk her chanting cultists from the shadowy ledges surrounding their sacrificial altar and shoot off innumerable Arrows of Many Targets at their vile heads. He - personally - wants to eviscerate any Bhaalist visage presented to you with brutal slash upon brutal slash until he is positively covered in putrid god-guts and wailing in victory.

A twirl of his dagger. The easy click of his disarm tools. A wink in your direction.

Astarion will save you the way you saved him.

He remembers the way you looked at him with the most hells-bent fury during the Ritual of Profane Ascension, ripped from your side and thrown aloft by Cazador’s wicked pact magic. The resolute wrath with which you slashed your way through the monstrosities between you. Pulling him from Cazador’s circle, his daggers returned; a rage so formidable in your eyes he almost wanted to sink to his knees and propose to you there and then. 

You wanted better for him. Better than perpetuating the vicious cycle of abuse starting all those centuries ago with Eravask the Forebear to his very own master.

Master.

He is better. 

He is capable of so much more than the brief wavering moment in that foulest of Dungeons, in which he wanted the most grossly depraved of powers for himself. Every single moment of agony, terror; torment, hunger - the way with which you so effusively confronted his paralysing fears and talked him from the brink; from becoming that very same monster in his moment of sheer dread.

You hop with a determined gait down the towering stairs to the walkway. Entrance in sight. Astarion stalks ahead and moves to disarm the trapped plates in your path.

The two of you have spoken about this moment many times, sequestered away in a corner in the Elfsong by candlelight. A bottle of Firewine and tears threatening to brim in your eyes.

You once were a master. Your freak of a demon butler cast in role seemingly as your very own Godey. You have no recollection of it, those you killed in your father’s name, nor how you did it; but the weight of those souls indeterminate in number is abject torture. There is no forgiveness for you. No hope, no conclusion. Just a wide and wavering path to redemption you can never be sure you’ll justly earn.

That awful, plagued creature you were. The night you softly awoke with Scleritas above you and that primal urge to kill the one closest to you through your whole adventure so far. Holding back. Warning him.

The way he sat and spoke with you, smoothed your hair as you bit furiously at his wrists and spat his name with such evil spite. Unafraid of you, no matter the threat. 

Two beasts in tandem.

-

Orin is horrifying in appearance. Pale, skin writhing with blue vein-like whips across her white flesh; armour of crimson jerky and eyes empty.

Lips smacking in wily delight. Bloodkin. Bloodkin. 

Astarion watches your confrontation prior to the conflict he knows is to come. He’ll get his moment to brutalise every single one of these sadists, but this is yours.

The ritual sacrifice is spared through your recollection of Bhaal’s terms - you were the one challenged, not your accomplice. 

These terms also mean your fight will be one on one. You versus her. 

Astarion’s face falls.

Fuck.

However, he takes solace in the fact that he’s come to know your expressions well through your adventures together. Your innate ability to stay one step ahead is what has carried you so far in the first place. 

She taunts you, yapping, pointing, aggrandizing; at one point even shifting into you. If the circumstances weren’t so dire he’d probably make a joke about what a fun evening could be had with such a skill. 

You remain stoic, mapping out the environment and taking stock of what you can use as leverage. He simply watches you with a mixture of trepidation and admiration resting uneasy in his gut.

"Come to me, Father. Set my flesh to your unholy purpose."

The most grotesque monstrosity replaces Orin. The Slayer. 

Astarion watches on as the duel begins.

In light of having prior defeated the undead Visage of Myrkul, Orin alone isn’t a formidable enemy. Your battle-strengthened dexterity is unmatched and with each attempt the current favoured of Bhaal makes to injure you, you simply strengthen your position and hit her harder.

It’s almost enjoyable to watch the two of you dance.

While not easy, it certainly isn’t difficult to gain the upper hand with each attack you make. 

The Slayer is almost… clumsy?

Too large to aim her lunges with precision, you dodge her at most turns. Your party watches with baited breath, but small smiles begin to edge onto their weary faces.

The rabid dog and the acrobat. 

Each hit you strike weakens her substantially. While she does get some vantage on you and causes a little damage by the sacrificial altar, her limbs in this form are too spindly and make for stupidly easy targets to focus your attacks. 

Within minutes, the imposing figure is reduced to little but a pile of gore on the floor.

Among the foetid viscera that once was the changeling you immediately drop to search for her Netherstone-jewelled dagger. Bloodthirst. Hands heavy with still-warm organs as you retrieve your winnings, blood soaking every inch of exposed flesh on your arms. You throw your spoils to the side and hold the altar key to your chest.

A pair of arms wraps around you from behind, startling you for the briefest moment.

Astarion.

“Gods. You idiot! You are positively deranged! You knew that would happen, didn’t you? Did you bring us along just to watch?!” He grins.

Your own smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You turn to embrace him fully. 

The rest of your party traipse across the tides of blood toward you.

“I had a feeling it might.”

You rest your head on his shoulder in the newborn silence of the temple, tossing the altar key in the vague direction of your party as your hands bloody his armour in a reverent grasp. 

“I love you. I just - I love you! You insane thing. You did it!” He laughs loudly, ecstatic.

You see your friends behind him, your eyes meeting theirs in a downcast stare. A nod of understanding.

“I love you.’

You sigh into his chest, splaying your fingers as if to hold more of him.

‘It’s not over yet.”

He pulls away and looks at you, lifting your head softly so your eyes meet his. His neck juts a little.

“Hm?”

His brow quirks inquisitively. The wail of victory depletes into a quivering hum.

-

The first thing Astarion notes is that the blood scent weeping from every pore of your broken body is no longer familiar. It rots. 

A burning stench, charred and sour as it licks the back of his nose. 

A few moments of petrified silence before his feet carry him to you. 

The Visage of Bhaal is gone. 

Your flesh operates as little more than a bag of broken bones, skull cracked and limbs fractured almost beyond recognition. Eyes wide open but unmistakably dead.

He hears your two accomplices bicker in the background as the multiple Scrolls of Revivify retrieved from your pack fail to glow near your remains. They don’t make sense. This doesn’t make sense. Their shouts are crisp in the silence of the temple. Brash. Disturbing. 

There should be more noise. There should be shouting, screaming, crying. Crowds of those you’ve saved should be here petitioning whatever God sickens of their stream of bitter tears to bring you back to them.

To him. 

He can’t take his eyes off your own. Empty.

If he’d gone through with the ritual, maybe he could have saved you. Turned you. Revived you as his and kept you safe from a fate like this for the rest of eternity.

You’d have despised him for it, but it’d be ok. You’d be awake. You’d be capable of feeling with which to despise him. 

No, he mutters. Not that. Not ever. 

He is better than that.

He shifts to sit cross legged next to your corpse as your accomplices’ shouting turns to unbridled wailing. Toys with your hair gently so as not to disturb the broken skull below the flesh and whispers to you softly.

“You silly thing. I know you’re still in there, aren’t you? I hope you know how much I love you.’

A quiet, heavy wracked sob.

‘You are so magnificent, little dove. So smart. You did so, so well. I am so very proud of you.”

He doesn’t notice Withers, not until he speaks.

-

You’re fuzzy as you stand.

He’s frozen on the floor, cross legged and round-eyed. Sharp ears pinned back. 

“No.” Astarion chokes.

Your eyes are heavy. They search for him in the blur and you stumble trying to feel for him.

“Astarion?’

Your companions are paralysed. 

The stages of grief begin to unravel. 

“Astar- Astarion, I can’t see. Where are you?” You sob, reaching out blindly in front of you to search for him in the fog. 

“Oh. Oh, my love -’

He looks up at you and blinks away a flood of tears as they threaten to spill. 

‘My love. I’m here. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

His feet carry his fraught body to you once again, mindless in their pursuit of you. You’re here. You’re warm, speaking; sobbing, and here. 

Name stricken from the archives. Pulled gently into his arms the second he stepped within reach and wrapped the tightest within them you ever have been.

Your party swaddles you in the biggest hug you’ve had in your life.

Astarion doesn’t let go when they do. He buries one hand in your hair, keeps one tightly around your waist. Shakes with sobs.

“You scared me.” He mumbles, letting out a small laugh into the crook of your neck.

You neglect to mention the patch of snot and fresh wet tears now adorning his shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He whispers, playing with a lock of your hair. 

“No. I am. I am so, so sorry.”

“Seeing you like that ruined me, you know.’ He smiles shakily. 

You sob once more. 

‘I wondered why the whole of Toril wasn’t screaming for you at the moment of your death.’

He moves his head to look at you. Brings his forehead to yours. Kisses you so gently that you wonder if his lips have always felt this soft and his forlorn eyes glisten. Alive and in the arms of your lover.

‘They gave me nothing. Two hundred years of nothing. Useless wretches.’ He laughs and rolls his teary eyes. Sniffs. You smile at him with the dopiest eyes - you think - that have ever existed across the Sword Coast.

‘But the Gods listened to me this time because they knew.’

Astarion coughs. 

He smells like home - warm, spiced; familiar. Your eyes meet his now, his grasp on you still firm.  

‘You defied your father. You resisted your cruel destiny.’

Another kiss.

‘And now we’re both free.” He whispers.

Time stops for a few precious moments, a silent promise. 

No more. 

[scoonsalicious]

Unbelievable

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: It's your first Girl's Night since you moved out of the Tower to live with Bucky and a game of Never Have I Ever has been suggested. What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Language, drinking, mentions of sex, angst.

Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: More Pocket x Bucky; enjoy!

“How are things?” Nat asked as she refilled your glass of wine. “Barnes behaving himself? Keeping his dick in his pants?”  It was your first Girl’s Night with her, Wanda, and Pepper since you had moved out of the Tower two months ago, and your friends were desperate for some tea. 

“Nat!” Wanda scolded, before turning to you. “I’m sorry, Pocket– we all agreed we weren’t going to bring up Bucky’s… mistakes. We’re just glad you’re happy. …You are happy, right?”

You smiled at your friend as you grabbed another slice of pizza. You knew they had reservations about you getting back together with Bucky– they’d been by your side for the worst of it, after all, but, for the most part, they’d been supportive of your reconciliation. 

“He’s been wonderful,” you assured them, and pointedly, Nat. “His dick has not been kept in his pants, I have to say, but I confess to not being upset about that in the least.”

Pepper choked a little bit on her wine as she tried to stifle her laugh. “So, the makeup sex is good, then?” she asked with a wry grin.

“The makeup sex was phenomenal,” you corrected her. “And the return to normal sex has been fantastic, too. Not a single complaint from me in that department; just the downstairs neighbor!”

“As long as you’re happy,” Nat said, sitting down next to you once she had refilled everyone’s glass. “That’s all that matters, I guess.”

“I am happy, Natty,” you assured her. “He fucked up. He knows he fucked up, and he did the work to make it right– he’s still doing the work to make it right. That’s more than I could have asked for.”

Nat sighed and put an arm around your shoulder. “I know, honey. It’s just hard for me to forgive him for hurting you as badly as he did, that’s all. Don’t worry– I’ll get over it.”

You gave Nat a side hug. “I appreciate you. And I promise, he ever fucks up like that again, you can help me kill him.”

“Who’re ya killin, sweets?” Bucky asked as he entered the room, Sam, Vision, Tony, and Rhodey trailing close behind, Tony and Rhodey passing a basketball back and forth between the two of them.

“Just you, baby,” you said, giving him your most innocent smile and stretching your head up to meet his as he leaned down to kiss you. “You know, if you ever pull shit like last year on me again.”

“I’ll kill myself before I ever let that happen again,” he assured you. He was dressed in a tight black tank and a pair of basketball shorts, and he looked fucking good. 

“How was basketball?” you asked as he sat down next to you. He opened his arms and you climbed happily into his lap.

“Ugh, come on, Pocket!” Nat grumbled. “Don’t welcome him! It’s Girls’ Night!”

“Too late, Natasha,” Tony said with a grin as he sat down next to Pepper, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “We worked up an appetite playing b-ball downstairs, and you cannot separate a man from his pizza!” He reached across the coffee table and grabbed a slice, and you were grateful you’d decided to order extra pies tonight.

“Don’t say ‘b-ball,’ man,” Sam said as he typed away on his phone. “You don’t have the melanin for it.” He slid down on the floor in front of Nat and reached for a pizza slice of his own. 

“Ew, could you not lean against my legs?” Nat exclaimed as she pulled her feet up and tucked them under her. “You’re all sweaty and you stink.”

Sam turned around to grin at her. “That’s the smell of man, Red. You like?”

“Gross,” Nat said, shaking her head. “Remind me to take you out back and hose you down.”

“Do I stink, doll?” Bucky asked, rubbing his sweaty head into the crook of your shoulder. 

“Yes,” you giggled, ruffling his hair, “but I like it. Very sexy. It makes me want to do very dirty things to you.”

Before Bucky could retort, Tony stood up and exclaimed “Alcohol? Anyone else want alcohol so we can get so drunk we forgot we just heard that? Rhodes, Vis, help me out. Please.”

“You sure love giving him heart palpitations, don’t you?” Pepper asked with a smile as Tony, Vision, and Rhodey headed to the bar in the back of the common room, where you assumed they would retrieve some adult beverages.

“Come on, Pep,” you teased as you wrapped Bucky’s arms around your waist, “you and I both know that, for that to happen, Tony Stark would need to have a heart in the first place.”

Those of you still sitting around the coffee table shared a laugh at Tony’s expense, but were cut short when the doors to the common room flung open and Thor and Bruce walked in. 

“Ah, so this is where the party is!” Thor exclaimed, raising a jug that you knew must house some Asgardian liquor in it. “Pocket, Barnes! So good to see you! Barnes, I trust you will join me in a little Asgardian indulgence?”

Bucky looked at you, as though checking to see if you would be alright with him drinking. “Don’t look at me,” you said, laughing. “You’re a big boy, more than old enough to decide if you want to get drunk or not. Besides, I’m not your mom.”

“Thank God for that,” Bucky said, kissing your neck. “I’d have a whole new set of issues to discuss with Raynor. Yeah, Odinson, I’ll take a glass; thanks.” 

“Excellent!” the god exclaimed. “Stark! Fetch tumblers for myself and the metal man! Tonight, we drink like kings!”

A few of the guys cheered, and you took the opportunity to lean into Bucky’s ear. “You’re super cute when you’re drunk, anyway,” you told him. “You always want to tell me all your secrets.”

Bucky grinned and squeezed you just a bit. “I don’t have any more secrets from you, doll,” he teased. 

Tony, Rhodey, and Vision returned then, carrying six packs of ice cold beer from the fridge, along with glasses and bottles of liquor from the bar. Tony handed tumblers to Bucky and Thor, who made quick work of pouring healthy servings for the both of them.

“Malibu and pineapple for the Kiddo,” Tony said, handing you a large glass of your favorite mixed drink.

“Thanks, Boss,” you said, happily taking the glass and giving it an experimental sip. “Mmm, delicious! You always get the ratio just right.”

Tony winked at you as he sat down and popped open a beer. “I know my girls,” he said with a grin before handing Pepper a fresh bottle of wine. “And the Bordeaux for my lady love,” he said, to Pepper’s delight.

You noticed curiously that Bruce had sat himself down as far away from Nat as possible, and you wondered if the two were off again. You tried to catch her eye to silently inquire, but she was engrossed with something Wanda and Vision were saying, and not paying you any attention. 

“We should absolutely play a drinking game!” Sam exclaimed to no one in particular. When all eyes turned to him, he elaborated: “Come on! When was the last time we were all together to just have fun?”

“Um, probably when you all showed up at the apartment with Cards Against Humanity to cockblock me and Bucky on our first night there,” you offered with a teasing grin. 

Sam shot you a Look. “Never gonna let me live that foot-in-mouth moment down, are ya, Baby Girl?” he asked.

“Not ever,” you agreed. “I cried that night, Dark Chocolate!” 

“And I felt really bad about it!” he protested. “You gotta let bygones be bygones.”

“Fine, fine,” you conceded with a laugh, not wanting him to feel worse for it than you knew he already did when it wasn’t his fault you still had unresolved trauma. “What game did you have in mind?”

Sam made a thoughtful face, but before he could, the common room door opened again and Steve walked in. When he saw you and Bucky sitting together, he stopped in his tracks, face falling ashen.

“Um…” he began, clearly uncomfortable, “Sam said there was pizza, but I didn’t realize you two… if you’re… I don’t have to… I can leave.”

You sighed and stole a glance at Bucky, each silently seeking out the other’s opinion. You shrugged slightly, as if to say I’d rather not make this awkward. Bucky nodded at you before turning back to Steve.

“Stay, Rogers,” he said, though there was no warmth in his voice. “This is your home; Pocket and I are just visiting. We’re not gonna put you out. I think we can all be civilized for an evening.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Steve said before sitting down next to Nat and grabbing a slice of pizza. The room was filled with awkward silence until Thor stood up. 

“Let me get you a drink, Rogers!” he bellowed as he walked over to the bar to grab another tumbler and fill it with Asgardian liquor. “Tonight, we drink like kings!”

Steve took the cup gratefully, as though happy to have something to focus on other than the company in the room.

“Never Have I Ever!” Nat shouted in her attempt to break the tension. Everyone turned to stare at her. “That’s what we should play,” she said. 

“Wanna run through the rules for the elderly, non-Earthlings, and non-humans among us?” Tony asked.

“Right,” said Nat, taking a sip of her beer. “One person starts by saying ‘Never Have I Ever,’ then you say something you’ve never done before. If you haven’t done that thing, you do nothing, but if you have,” her smile turned sharp, “you take a drink. And then someone else goes.”

“And what’re the parameters for winning?” Vision asked. He had his index fingers pointed together, resting against his lips, as if he were taking the entire thing very seriously.

“Everyone gets drunk, and then everyone wins?” you offered, what you thought was hopefully. 

“Basically,” Nat agreed. “You just learn more about your friends and have a good time,” she added. “It’s not really about winning.”

Vis nodded as if this was revelatory information for him. “I see,” he said with all seriousness. “This sounds like it will be fun!”

“Alright, I’ll go first with an easy one,” Nat said, picking up her beer bottle. “Never have I ever… been able to fly on command.”

Immediately, Tony, Rhodey, Sam, Wanda, Vision, and Thor all took a drink. 

“Pep!” you chastised. “You’ve absolutely worn an Iron Man suit and flow before! Drink up!”

“You know, I completely forgot about that?” she said with a laugh as she drank. “Okay, I’ll go next. Never have ever… punched Tony Stark.” 

The room broke out into groans as each one of you, save Pepper and Tony, himself, drank to that. “Wow,” said Tony as he looked around the room. “I’ve never felt more like a victim than I do at this moment.”

“Tell me you haven’t deserved each and every one of them,” Rhodey teased.

“Yeah, fair. That’s totally fair,” he conceded. “My turn. Never have I ever been poor.” This time, everyone but Tony, Thor, and Vision drank. 

“I have no use for currency,” Vision clarified when Wanda looked at him. “And as such, I have no concept of poverty or wealth, beyond the value I place in you, my dear, and for that, I am most wealthy.”

Everyone made gagging noises at that.

The game continued on, with questions both bland (“Never have I ever been arrested;” though most of you drank) and ridiculous (“Never have I ever fallen off the giant horse Goldfaxi.” “Well obviously, Point Break, none of us have either, because we’ve never been to Asgard.”) and soon you were all, at the very least, pleasantly tipsy. Bucky, in particular, having crossed the line over to drunk several drinks ago. Living as long as he had, he’d done a lot of shit.

“Okay, okay,” Bucky said, stuttering his words a little, which you found adorable, “Never have I ever… made out with more than one person on this team!” He grinned while Nat and Steve took a drink, but frowned when he saw you raise your glass to your lips. Had he forgotten about your… mistake with Steve after your birthday party? God, you wish you could have.

“Well,” said Tony with a cough, not recognizing the dark territory the game was delving into, “Never have I ever made out with more than two people on this team.”

You felt your shoulders sag; this was not going to help you, at all. Bucky watched in disbelief as you took another drink.”

“Seriously?” Tony exclaimed. “Under my very nose?”

“What the fuck, Pocket?” Bucky asked you, no levity in his voice. 

“Nat drank, too,” Steve said, as though that made things perfectly okay.

“No one fucking asked you, Rogers,” Bucky spat back at him, then turned back to you. “Who else have you made out with, Pocket?”

You sighed. You really didn’t want to have this conversation, let alone when Bucky was drunk and in front of all of your friends, but you knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go. “You already know about my birthday,” you told him softly, wishing you were both somewhere else, alone. 

“We made out at a Stark party once,” Nat blurted out. She offered you an apologetic look, but you were grateful to her for not making you say it. 

Every head in the room snapped to look back and forth between you and the assassin. There were surprised shouts of ‘What?’ ‘When?’ ‘How long?’ ‘With tongue?’ and ‘Under my own roof?’ (that one came from Tony). Looks like you were going to have to speak to it, afterall.

“It was years ago,” you clarified, addressing Bucky, and Bucky alone. He was the only one you owed any sort of explanation to, after all. “Nat was working undercover for Fury, kinda… I dunno, would you call it ‘spying,’ Natty?” Your friend shrugged. “Spying on Tony for him, to evaluate him for the Avengers Initiative. She was his assistant. There was a party, we were drunk, and we were both just kind of like ‘You’re hot, I’m hot, should we kiss?’” You looked at your boyfriend, trying to discern what he was thinking. “It just happened the one time. Afterwards, we laughed about it, because we both realized it was stupid, and we decided to become best friends.”

Bucky looked to Nat, as though daring her to contradict you. “That’s all, Barnes, honestly,” she said.

“So, that’s it?” he asked you. “You just kissed Nat the one time, and Steve the one time? No one else?”

“Well,” you said, drawing the word out. Fuck, he was not going to like this, not one bit, but you weren’t going to lie to him.

“Who else, Pocket?” he spat out, standing up abruptly and practically dumping you to the floor in the process.

“Can we please have this conversation somewhere private,” you asked him, standing up, but he just looked at you, arms crossed. “Okay,” you said, “first of all, it was just one time, and it honestly didn’t mean anything, but it wasn’t just a make out…”

“Jesus Christ,” he exclaimed, “You fucked someone else on the team?!”

You gnawed on your lip. You would have told him, one day. You really would have, but you’d honestly never had had the body count conversation before. But you didn’t want it coming out like this. Your eyes subconsciously found Thor’s, and that was all the information Bucky needed to put the pieces together.

“THOR?” he bellowed, the sound making you flinch. “You fucked THOR?!” Around you, your friends gasped. Not even Nat knew about you and the God of Thunder.

“Watch your tone, Barnes!” Thor said, standing up to come to your defense. “The night of love making Lady Pocket and I shared was beautiful, and I will not let you speak to her this way!” Oh, that was not going to help things, Thor, you beautiful idiot!

The room was perfectly still, as if everyone was holding their breath, afraid that breathing would break the delicate balance that was holding your reality in place. Tony’s eyes were wide with shock, while Pepper, Nat, and Wanda gave you subtle looks of surprise and respect.

“Bucky,” you said, trying to diffuse the situation, “seriously, can we talk about this… just you and I? Please?”

“Why?” he asked, glaring at you. “Gotta anymore surprise lovers you want to spring on me?”

“Barnes, that’s enough!” Tony said, standing up now. “You’re drunk, and you’re not thinking straight. You’re not going to talk to Pocket like this.”

“It’s fine, Tony,” you said, putting a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “I get why he’s mad. I should have told him.”

“You think?” Bucky spat. “Lemme guess– next you’re gonna tell me you actually did fuck Stark for your education!”

He may as well have slapped you with that accusation, his words forcefully taking you aback. “That’s enough, Barnes!” you said, your voice sharp now. You’d had quite enough. “You know what? Sleep here tonight. Don’t come back home until you get your head out of your ass.” 

You stood up and collected your bag. “Thanks for the time, guys,” you said before you stepped out, leaving the room in silence behind you.

“Fuck this!” you heard Bucky shout, and the sound of the common room’s other door slamming behind him as he stormed away. You shook your head as you punched the elevator button repeatedly. You could not believe he had the audacity to be mad at you over something that had happened before you had ever even met. How dare he? After everything he’d done? Everything you’d worked so hard to get over?

“Pocket?” You closed your eyes and sighed at the sound of Steve calling your name. Great. You weren’t in the mood for him to start questioning you on why you’d deemed to sleep with Thor but not him. You really didn’t have the mental resolve for that.

“What do you want, Steve?” you asked, resigned to just get the conversation over with. All you wanted right now was to get into your bed and cry yourself to sleep. 

“Don’t be too hard on him,” Steve said, much to your surprise. You turned to face him. He stood a more than respectable distance away from you, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets as he looked down at his shoes, as though unable to meet your eye. “I’m not saying what he said was okay, because it’s not, but you know how inadequate he feels when it comes to you. He’s never thought he deserves you, and it’s like he can’t help but latch on to anything that he thinks proves that.”

“That doesn’t give him the right to talk to me like that, Steve,” you said, rubbing at the space between your eyes. You felt a headache coming on, for sure. “I don’t deserve to be slutshamed for things that happened before I ever even met him.”

“I know that,” Steve said, taking his hands out of his pockets and raising them as if in surrender. “And I know that Bucky knows it, too.”

“Why are you telling me this, Steve?” you asked him. After all the work Steve had done last year to try and get you and Bucky to break up, it was almost bordering on suspicious that he’d be speaking in favor of his former friend now.

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Because you two are real,” he said with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “What you have, that’s real, and it’s rare. I get it now. I’m sorry I ever thought I had the right to decide whether or not it wasn’t.”

You swallowed and nodded at him. You appreciated his words, though you weren’t sure if it was enough to forgive him for everything he’d done. “I’ll take your advice under consideration” was all you said to him instead before you got into the elevator and let the doors close behind you.

*

Sleep proved to be elusive that night. Despite crying to near exhaustion, you found yourself tossing and turning, unable to find rest and knowing that it was from the lack of the warm, familiar body that should be curled up by your side. Your brain had gone into overdrive at imagining worst-case scenarios of what Bucky might be getting up to when he was drunk and so angry at you, and you were trying very hard not to remember what he’d done the last time he thought you’d betrayed him.

A soft chime got your attention, and you picked up your phone. Bucky had texted you, and you held your breath, wondering what more vitriol he was going to spew at you.

Magic Dick🍆🦾: Can I come home? Magic Dick🍆🦾: Please?

You blinked in surprise at your screen. That was not what you had been expecting.

>> Of course you can. It’s still your home, too. >> But as for whether or not you’ll be welcome back in bed… >> Depends on whether or not you got your head out of your ass.

Despite what you’d told him earlier, you’d never actually deny him entrance to your apartment. Not unless you’d ended things with him for good, and you’d fought too long and too hard to be together for that to happen over something like this.

You stared at your phone screen, waiting to see if he would respond, but the text thread remained inactive. You wondered where he was, and what kind of shape he was in. Where he had been, what he had done. Who he had done it with.

“Hey.” Though his voice was soft, its unexpectedness startled you. There he was, standing in the doorway of your bedroom, leaning against the frame, barely illuminated from the ambient light of the city outside. 

“Jesus Christ, Barnes!” you exclaimed, clutching at your chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack! How’d you even get here so fast?”

“Been sitting in the hall for the last two hours,” he admitted sheepishly. “Working up the courage to ask if I could come back home. Think the only reason I was brave enough to text you was ‘cause I convinced myself you had to be sleepin’ by now. Planned on just spendin’ the night out there.” He offered you a soft half smile before his face turned serious. “I’m so sorry, doll. Ya gotta know, the things I said…”

“Were really uncalled for, Bucky,” you interjected. He visibly flinched before you.

“I know,” he admitted, his voice so low you had to strain to hear it. “I had no right judgin’ you for things that happened ‘fore we ever even met. ‘Specially not after everything I did. It took me by surprise ‘n my ego got bruised. No man’s gonna like hearin’ the love of his life slept with a literal fuckin’ god, but I took it too far, and I’m sorry.”

At hearing him refer to  you as “the love of his life,” your heart warmed in your chest, and you pulled back the blanket and sheets on his side of the bed, silently inviting him in to join you. You very well couldn’t hold his continued insecurities against him when you had just been worried he was off with someone else. It was a process, you reminded yourself.

Bucky looked at you, eyes wide. “You sure, sweets?” he asked hesitantly. 

You nodded at him. “We need to talk,” you told him, “and I’d rather do it with you here next to me than with you all the way over there.”

Bucky swallowed and slowly made his way over to the bed and got ready to climb in… fully clothed.

“Gonna sleep with your clothes on, Barnes?” you asked, raising a brow. 

You could barely make out the flush that came to his cheeks in the low light. “I didn’t wanna just assume…” he began.

“Get undressed and get your ass in bed,” you told him. You watched as he slowly stripped down to his boxer briefs, folding his discarded clothes and putting them in the hamper, always the regimented soldier, before crawling under the covers next to you.

Once he was settled on his back, you curled up against him, your head on his chest and your leg hooked over his torso. You could feel him physically relax into your touch as he wrapped his flesh arm around your shoulders, and you knew he’d been terrified that you wouldn’t let him be close to you after what he’d said.

“So, you and Thor, huh?” he asked, voice strained, and you knew he was doing everything in his power to keep his emotions steady.

“Are you sure that’s something you want to hear about?” you asked him guardedly. You certainly appreciated his willingness to discuss it, but you didn’t want to cause him any additional pain… or cause him to freak out on you again. 

“I think I have to,” he answered. “If I don’t, I’ll just keep on imagining it, and that’ll be worse for me.”

“Fair enough,” you agreed. “But before we get into it, tell me where you’ve been tonight.”

He looked down at you, understanding drawing on his face. “I went down to the gym,” he began. “Punched the bag for a little while, tryn’a get the anger out, but then I started feeling gross from that Asgardian shit, so I went up to my old room and crashed for a couple hours. Woke up with a splitting headache and a hell of a lot of remorse, so I came home and just hung out in the hallway, working up the courage to text you.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, feeling a sense of relief that he hadn’t felt the need to revisit old bad habits. He could have been lying to you, of course, but he knew that you could check the security feed at the Tower to verify his story if you didn’t trust him. Truth was though, you did trust him. 

“Okay,” you began, snuggling further into him. “I won’t lie and pretend like I never thought Thor was hot.”

You felt the laughter rumble through Bucky’s chest. “Yeah, you never made a secret of that,” he said, and it was a relief to hear.

“Yeah, well, it’s an objective fact. That can’t be helped. Anyway, his girlfriend, Jane, had just dumped him. He was devastated. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t phased by it, like it was a mutual decision, but everyone could see he was heartbroken. I guess Tony and Clint convinced him that the best way to get over her was to have some rebound sex with someone else. Granted, I highly doubt Tony ever thought Thor would consider asking me, but I was really the only other single Earth girl he knew at the time. 

“So, one night, after we’d all had a couple of drinks, he just… asked. He was upfront about his reasons, never implied that it would be more than what it was. And I hadn’t been with anyone in a while, and I thought he was good looking, and he was just so sad, I figured ‘what’s the harm in it?’ 

You sighed, thinking back on the night in question. Thor had been a gentle, attentive lover, though you didn’t think Bucky needed to necessarily know that, but there had been no spark of connection, no need. Nothing like what you felt when you were with the man before you.

“Afterwards, he thanked me for helping him get through a tough time, and we left it at that. Never spoke about it again until tonight.”

“He said it was ‘beautiful,’ though,” Bucky said, and you were proud of him for keeping his tone light, when you knew this must be difficult for him.

You chewed on your lip, trying to come up with the right words to express what had happened that night. “It was beautiful in the way that sad things are beautiful,” you told him eventually. “Neither one of us were in great places. He was dealing with losing Jane, and I had just found out that Darren had died in prison.” You could feel Bucky’s questioning stare, so you clarified. “I was thrilled he was dead, don’t get me wrong; it’s just that the news brought up a bunch of old memories I didn’t really want to deal with. Here was this kind, handsome man that wanted to sleep with me, and that felt like a salve. It made me feel like more than what Darren had made me. We were two people who were hurting and found some solace in each other for a little while.”

The hand that was wrapped around your shoulders tightened as Bucky pulled you closer. “I’m so sorry I overreacted,” he said before kissing the crown of your head. “I know we’ve talked about it. I’m scared there’s always going to be a part of me that’s terrified you’re gonna realize you’re too good for me and leave me.”

“That’s never going to happen, Buck,” you assured him. “I’m with you because I want to be with you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have fought so hard to make this work.”

“I know, doll,” he said. “The part of me that’s Bucky, that’s a man, he knows that. But… the part of me that’s always gonna be the Soldier, the monster, that’s the part that needs convincing. I see guys like Thor, Steve, hell, even Stark– these guys that are just good, heroes, who don’t come with lifetimes of baggage and trauma, and I think ‘that’s the kinda man she’s supposed to be with, not a used up sad excuse of whatever’s left of me.’

You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. “You know I hate it when you talk about yourself like that,” you told him.

He chuckled derisively. “Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Doesn’t stop me from feelin’ it, though.”

“I wish it would,” you sighed. “You’re everything. All I want is for you to see that.”

“Maybe someday,” he said quietly into the dark of the room. “Maybe someday.”

You wished there was something you could say to convince him. To get him to see himself the way you saw him everyday, but that was a battle you weren’t going to win tonight. You did know of something that would probably cheer him up, though.

“Hey,” you said, turning your head and resting your chin on his pectoral so you could look up at him. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re bigger than Thor.”

Bucky snorted a laugh. “Whaddaya talkin’ ‘bout, sweets? The man’s huge. His muscles have muscles, for fucks’ sake!”

“No, baby,” you said, carefully moving your leg so that it rubbed pointedly against his groin. “I mean you’re bigger.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise. “That so?” he asked, his voice gone suddenly husky. 

You nodded. “Yup,” you said, popping your ‘p’. “Longer and thicker. He could never make me feel as good as you do, Buck. No one could. I don’t ever want anyone else to even try.”

Bucky’s smile turned predatory, and you knew you weren’t going to get much sleep tonight. 

[servantofthefates]

The Star is the trickiest card in tarot.

In some situations, I would rather get Death, The Tower or The Devil.

Originally, The Star foretells one’s greatest wish coming true.

But according to my elders, and my own experience reading for myself and others, it mostly manifests either as a kind reminder to hold on, or as a scolding for wishful thinking.

The first is positive, though not as gleaming as its historical meaning. It shows up for querents who are going through a tough time. It is a promise from the Universe that the rain will stop and the sun will shine.

What is disturbing is that the second meaning manifests just as often. It shows up for querents who are longing for reconciliation with a former lover or with an abusive family member. It is a declaration from the Universe that they should stop their harmful, senseless yearning.

Make sure to note the cards that surround it. Beside the undeniably positive ones, such as The Sun, the Ten of Cups, the Ten of Pentacles and The World, it might just embody what it means originally.

But when it is next to cards of gloom and confusion, such as the Ten of Wands, The Moon, the Two of Swords and the Five of Pentacles... careful not to be consumed by your delusions.