#This would have been Minecraft 1.9.

[edwardos]

[leavingautumn13]

me, calmly brushing gravel in a ruin, close enough to an ocean monument that the closed captioning is picking up guardian laser fire: i pretend i do not hear it

[locusfandomtime]

Doing the maths: Grian's failure at getting a mending book

lots of talk about maths and probabilities below the cut! but there's a graph and simple explanation at the end if you want to get the gist of it and are bad at maths.

(I am still young and learning maths, critique/advice always welcomed)

What are the odds of getting a mending book in Minecraft?

(I am assuming Grian has been doing all his fishing with Luck of the Sea 3)

The probability of a mending book is actually a bit annoying to estimate. The Minecraft Wiki lists fishing up an enchanted book as 1.9% chance. This is for ANY enchanted book. The Minecraft wiki talks about how the chance of an enchantment being selected is calculated. Mending has a weight of 2. Using the table, mending has a probability of 2/135.

However, Grian is looking for any book with mending, not just a pure mending book. Additional enchantments are calculated in a different way, involving RNG, which means it won't be as easy to model. Due to this reason, I'll just be using the odds for a pure mending book throughout.

TLDR: a mending book has a 0.028..% chance (2/135*0.019*100)

Grian's Data

According to this screenshot, Grian has used a fishing rod 5679 times. This number may not be fully accurate, as it includes the times he's fished other players, rather than just fished for items, but it is a good estimate.

To help visualise this data, with a median waiting time between catches of 17.5 seconds, Grian has spent over 20 hours fishing so far! He may have a problem.

Is this statistically significant?

Hypothesis testing (p-value approach):

H0: p = 19/67500 (the null hypothesis - he has no mending books because of chance)

H1: p < 19/67500 (the alternate hypothesis - he has no mending books due to different odds)

5679 trials, 0 mending books

X ~ B(5679, 19/67500) (binomial distribution, 5679 tries with a probability of a mending book being 19/67500, where X is the number of mending books)

p(X=0) (what is the probability the number of mending books being 0)

p = 0.2021473392

Now, the point at which data becomes significant is subjective. For instance, you *could* get a million heads in a row flipping a coin, it's not impossible, but at a certain point, you can begin to say "okay there's something not normal about this". For this approach, the closer the p-value is to 0, the more evidence there is against the null hypothesis . The p-value here is far above a significance level of 0.01, or 0.05, or 0.1. There isn't a clear line between significant/non-significant, but this is answer is quite a bit far from 0

With this, I cannot reject the null hypothesis.

Personal conclusion: this is not statistically significant, Grian is just unlucky.

Are other values statistically significant?

Gem's proposed 9000: results in a p-value of 0.079... more significant than Grian's number but I don't imagine Mojang would be too concerned. As said though, it's all subjective.

I am bad at maths, what does all this mean?

Here is a graph, showing what number of mending books you might have after 5679 tries. The height of the bar represents the probability of getting that amount. The numbers at the top are the (rounded) numbers I used in my calculation

The pink column is 0 mending books - like what Grian has! As you can see, it is less likely than getting 1 or 2 books, but not too uncommon to happen.

End conclusion: Grian has bad luck. Like, not as hilariously bad as he thinks, but still bad. If he keeps going, chances are he will get a mending book, but I think he should probably stop fishing because at this point he has a problem.

[felinedetached]

The April/May 2023 MCSR Cheating Scandal Saga

(or, as much of it that I can explain as of May 3rd, considering we keep getting new info)

So, it all starts back in April of 2019 — 27 April 2019 exactly, when NikocraftHD posted his 3:59 Set Seed Glitchless Peaceful (SSGP) pre-1.9 WR. At 11 million views, it’s one of the most well known speedruns ever, and unquestionably the most well known run of its type. And four years later, on 30 April 2023, Eliotex dropped a video: NikocraftHD spliced his speedruns and nobody noticed.

Two of NikocraftHD’s runs were cheated: the 3:59, and a later 2:49 (26 March 2022). Both had evidence of a cheating method called ‘splicing’, or cutting videos of two attempts together. In this case, he additionally used a recreated world file and a NBT Editor to manually copy the previous world “level.dat” values for getting good End Towers. 

The 2:49′s evidence is, in retrospect, relatively obvious: Nikocraft had placed blocks during his run that should have been visible from spawn, but when he loaded back into spawn after going through the end portal, those blocks weren’t there anymore.

The 3:59 was harder to prove — until Crafterdark noticed something odd about Nikocraft’s hunger bar. If you’ve ever played Minecraft in peaceful, you’ll know that your hunger bar will never deplete. However, there’s two aspects of the hunger bar: the food level, and the saturation level. In peaceful, your saturation level does decrease, and when it reaches 0, your hunger bar starts to ‘bounce’ or ‘jitter’ every 3-ish seconds. Saturation level persists even between dimensions, meaning even when you load into a new dimension, if you have zero saturation, your hunger bar will continue to make that constant movement. 

When Nikocraft enters the end at 2:54, his hunger bar doesn’t start moving again until 3:30. That’s over 30 seconds without the periodical 3-second jitters. In the 2:49, after he enters the end at 1:50, his hunger bar doesn’t start moving again until 2:14 — roughly 23 seconds without movement. That second run, with a 23 second section without movement — the chance of that happening legitimately is 3.9E-34. That’s 0.00000000000000000000000000000000039.

Sources for this section: Eliotex’s video | Cheating Doc | NikocraftHD’s runs (3:59) (2:49)

Cool. So NikocraftHD cheated, twice, but you may be wondering: all of this was uncovered on April 30th. Why is this the April-May cheating scandal?

That would be because ten hours later, at 8am on May 1st for me, a runner who was incredibly popular and well liked at the time, Lide — who is a huge part of MCSR history — admitted to cheating his world records.

Lide got so many people into running. He was the first to use tower strats in a world record, he worked with so many of the legendary runners of that era. I need to emphasise: that this runner cheated, and sees it as a joke, has been heartbreaking for the community. I think Cscuile explained it best:

Sources for this section: Falco’s tweet | Cscuile’s tweet

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the end of it: around the same time, Loth realised something interesting about a 4:41 pre-1.9 SSGP run by bruono1st — who would have had world record if not for NikocraftHD’s cheated 3:59. bruonost’s run also showed evidence of a splice — the hunger bar once again stopped moving after he entered the end. Unfortunately, upon being called out bruono1st privated his run, and we can no longer watch it, but here are the tweets about it: eliotex tweet | poisonousskely tweet 

As of May 3rd, this is all that’s come out in total, but I hope this was an understandable and informative explanation of what’s going on for those curious!

[hccn-overseer]

Issure 34, 2/29/24

Welcome, one and all, to the second season of the Hermitcitizen Overseer and the tenth of Hermitcraft itself! There are scenanigans aplenty waiting for us in the upcoming season, so let's not hesitate to get going!

Bookwatch

Written by AzureClouds 

This season, in an attempt to not use trading systems, Grian has decided to try and fish up a book of mending to use for enchanting. 

Until recently, he has had little luck catching the elusive mending books, although he had caught several other enchanted books. Additionally, (as of writing) Grian has managed to catch roughly 6500 fish-the majority of which have been cod-, Nautilus shells, fishing rods and bows with various enchantments, and saddles, all to various degrees of usefulness.

Statistically, there is generally a 1.9% chance of catching an Enchanted book while fishing, with a 0.015% chance of catching a mending book! Meaning that, supposedly for every 100 times Grian casts his line, he should catch 2 books, and if he catches 127 books, he should be able to find two mending books. 

In addition, Grian built a Cod Dungeon, complete with a secret entrance, and statues decorating the walls, even a special painting by Hoffen in an attempt to raise his chances of catching a mending book, officially named the Chamber of Sea Critters. 

Finally, after over nine thousand attempts, Grian was able to fish up a mending book, specifically with Piercing 3 and mending, and he has decided to instead trade for the rest of the books he needs.

Now on to other news below the cut!

Hermit Permits

By AzureClouds

This season, shops, and what you will be selling has been decided by various permits, distributed randomly. Each hermit has received six permits, of various value. The three tiers are iron, gold, and diamond, with each hermit receiving three iron permits, two gold, and one diamond permit. This means that only one Hermit is able to sell any given item (that there is an existing permit for).

For some items, such as wood, glass or wool, hermits are required to build a shop with those who received a permit in the same category as them (for example, all hermits who received a permit for wood will be building a shop together), with these shops being either collaborative, competitive or anything in between!

Additionally, as the winner of demise, False Symmetry was awarded a Joker permit, giving her the ability to pick an item to sell at any time. This special permit can only be used once, and has not yet been put into play. 

A Small(Ishbeans) Introduction! By Roo

This season, we welcomed another two hermits- Skizzleman, and Smallishbeans. While an article for Skizz is anticipated and hoped for, this one is about none other than Joel Smallishbeans. 

First, let’s get you acquainted, shall we? Joel Smallishbeans- often called Joel Beans, Bean, Big Man, or just plain Joel- is a British YouTuber who, other than the green streak in the hair of his minecraft skin, can be recognized as “That One Guy Who Used To Be Shrek”*. A former member of both of the seasons of Empires SMP, as well as other servers such as the life series (he won Last Life in our hearts), or KingdomCraft, way back when, Joel is renowned for making buildings and areas that take immense amounts of time, effort, and skill, as well as the absolute beast he is at PVP. (Yes, we are aware this article would boost his ego immensely. That’s alright.) From the giant spires of the Mazalean Palace to the looming castles of his hardcore world, to the beginnings of his Hermitcraft base, it’s easy to say that Joel is a legendary builder that’ll be at home on Hermitcraft. 

As for how his Hermitcraft is going- other than the multitude of failed attempts to kill XBCrafted, and the one successful attempt (yes, that took 74 TNT), everything seems to be going well for our favorite bean man. He already has a glow squid farm that works- well, it works- in addition to a lovely road, four buildings, and his first Hermitcraft diamond hanging proudly on the wall. His build style, a mixture of traditional Japanese architecture and a modern-cyberpunk-ish-vibe, seems to involve an astounding level of detail, which is impressive in and of itself, and also in the lag that is generated. Those glowing signs may have to decrease sometime through the season.

Of course, seeing as it’s Hermitcraft, shenanigans are bound to ensue, and from the past, we know Joel is one who will never back down from a good shenanigan. Those twelve kills in Last Life didn’t get themselves, after all. His neighbors, whom he has dubbed the Magic Mountaineers- Grian, Mumbo, Scar, Gem, Impulse, Skizz, and himself- are all settled around one big cherry blossom mountain (hence the name), and with Hermits that close together, we know that mischief is already brewing, pranks are being planned, and friendly rivalries formed.

No matter where the season goes for him, Joel seems to have an amazing start to this season, and for any of you who are considering giving him a watch, we would highly recommend- his sarcasm, skill, and hatred for Minecraft chickens and horses are hard to forget, and many a good time is had over on the Smallishbeans channel. 

Look out, Hermitcraft Season 10!

Skizzleman, the man, the myth the legend. 

By Winter. 

Skizzleman is one of the new members of Hermitcraft Season 10. As you saw Mr Beans introduced in another article it is now Skizzleman’s turn. Now most people may not know what Skizzleman has done before Hermitcraft, so here is a run down. 

Skizzleman is part of the Z.I.T.S, aka Zedaph. Impulse. Tango. Skizzleman. These four have been creating videos together for a while. The first series that Impulse and Skizzleman created together is “Naked and Scared” which was and continues to be a unique spin on the genre of Hardcore. 

 For the wider audience, you may know Skizzleman from the hit series “The Life Series”. While Skizzleman has never won any series he has always left a resounding echo within each character he has portrayed. This often creates a very emotional ending to each series. He always commits to the bit, even to the character's demise. 

Another place you may know Skizzleman from is the GIGS Phasmophobia streams, or the 2020 Assorted Hermits(and Skizzleman) Among Us Streams. Both of the streams are different in the dynamics that they invoke. The streams are memorable and cemented in the viewer's hearts that Skizzleman was already a Hermit way before his invite. 

In other endeavours he runs a podcast with ImpulseSV called the “Imp and Skizz podcast”. Within this podcast, they discuss a variety of topics such as: how they became friends, parenting, what makes a great leader, and other big philosophical topics. They also have special guests such as Geminitay, Xisumavoid, Evan and Kate, and others. On this podcast, Impulse also proposed to Skizzleman about joining Hermitcraft. 

They now have started the season and with that new connections are being formed. As of current Skizzleman has a starter base which is lovingly called “Skizz’s Crack”. He is staying in the area with fellow hermits  Grian, SmallishBeans, GoodTimesWithScar, ImpulseSV, Mumbo Jumbo, and GeminiTay. He is currently creating a pyramid. We at the Overseer wish him well on his journey to creating joy within people's hearts. 

Lost + Found Collected by Roo

-

lost item:

a blue crochet squid on a crochet piece of sushi.

it has large eyes and is wrapped around the crochet sushi.

-

lost item(s)

5 boxes of cod.

i doubt whoever lost it actually wants to find it again.

...but i dont really want this either.

-

lost item:

ive found another one. the cursed enchanted items.

a luck of the sea, lure,unbreaking, and.

multishot...

fishing rod.

you can. assume what it does.

That's all for this week! Tune in next time to hear about the endeavors of the Citizens and the Hermits themselves!

[krimsonkatt]

Banisher Jebolesh

A cut superboss/tyrant/overlord from Chronicles II: Zero Gear Saga based on Jeb, the current CEO of Mojang and lead developer of Minecraft. This monster was primary based on the Minecraft controversy involving Mojang implementing a "chat filter" feature across all versions of Minecraft and across all servers where if you said a bad word on any world, single-player, local, or online, you would be BANNED from Minecraft and could no longer PLAY THE GAME THAT YOU LITERALLY PAID FOR. This new chat filter rule applied to all servers regardless of if they were private or public and what their target demographic was. This new rule sent the Minecraft playerbase into a FRENZY saying that this new "feature" would kill the game because if you merely said "fuck" anywhere you couldn't play the game ever again.

Thankfully, server owners had a fix for this. A new plugin was made nearly immediately that disabled the dystopian chat filter/censorship feature which is used on every popular server based on newer versions of Minecraft. Mojang/Microsoft THANKFULLY did not take action against this plugin or the people who used it to bypass the chat filter, so most servers are safe from Microsoft reading chat logs with an AI and randomly banning people if they said a bad word, especially since you can very easily fake messages in Minecraft using commands and get people you don't like permabanned from the entire game across all servers. The other fix was simply to not install any later version of Minecraft past the chat filter update and just play older versions with mods that added the new stuff in or servers with custom content. Most servers ran/run on a 1.8.4 client anyway, the last update before Microsoft bought Minecraft and ruined combat with 1.9.

Other controversies have risen since like the Mob Vote controversy and the very recent "banning of mods". Minecraft has pretty much been constantly embroiled in controversy since it's resurgence in 2021 and the new wave of Minecraft YTers like Dream. So yeah Jeb being this big bad pink sheep/glass/beacon/netherack/Microsoft colored wool monster seems pretty accurate. But ultimately this tyrant/overlord will likely be cut from Chronicles II as the original controversy is outdated at this point.

[sugaredcosmos]

Why Minecraft is boring to you now

I keep seeing this notion online of "Mojang is lazy" and "refuses to put good content into Minecraft". I feel this claim is motivated by a lack of understanding about Minecraft's nature as a game and just how much it differs from most of the other games out there. Like Minecraft is incredibly unique within how we understand what the medium of video games even is, especially when it first came out. It's a game with no goal and it doesn't tell the player what they can and cannot do. it just gives you a set of tools and a palette of blocks and lets you do whatever you want with them.

Because of Minecraft's nature as a game with no expressly stated goal the idea that the game "lacks new content" is sort of a pointless claim. If the point of the game is that the player is the one making content for themselves, what content should the devs add?

"Content" from a traditional game design standpoint is some abstract thing that the game is telling the player to get through. In some cases the player gets some kind of extra items or abilities, and in others it's just "content". So then how do you add "meaningful content" into a game like Minecraft? You might say that they could add an extra boss, or another dimension much like many of the community made mods do. But then you come to the problem of how you implement something like that while keeping the game's identity intact. And then you come to the conundrum of what even is Minecraft's identity?

The first time I was presented with such a conundrum was in middle school. Mojang had just been bought out by Microsoft and the game's future was called into question by many of the people that I talked to at the time. I remember someone saying that they were going to add crossbows into the game and that made me uncomfortable for some reason. It felt to me like crossbows, for some reason, would somehow make the game less like the Minecraft I knew and played.

What's funny is that I was kinda right. Ever since 1.9 I feel like Minecraft has been getting the ship of theseus treatment where every update some aspect of the game changes that moves it away from what I knew as "Minecraft". And, writing this now, I realize that it's always been this way. This was before my time but supposedly there was backlash at minecraft beta 1.8 and the direction the game went following it from the playerbase that played it in the days preceding it. Subsequently, my sort of "generation" within minecraft's rotating main audience (around 1.0-1.8.9) largely stopped playing after 1.9 came out and changed the combat and added stuff for after the ender dragon was killed. I feel like the cycle repeats every few updates or so, and I think we just crossed another one with 1.20. Not expressly because of that sort of ship of theseus effect, but from the aforementioned perceived "lack of content"

I say this because I feel like minecraft's resurgence in 2019 and 2020 put pressure on the devs from the newly brought back playerbase that had been sort of steeping in an increasingly exploitative understanding of game design in most of the more popular triple a games while simultaneously developing their critical thinking skills through late middle school and high school. This, I think, led to a lot of people in my generation thinking that every game should follow this rigid structure of a loosely defined "progression" until you hit the final boss.

Thing is, this is nothing like how minecraft was played back in the day for me. From both what I played and the creators I watched, the gameplay loop of minecraft was to basically start your own building projects and just keep doing that whenever you got an idea. Now, people as adults having their creative minds obliterated by the machine of capitalism (not to mention the failures of the education system under capitalism primarily teaching kids how to be cogs in the machine rather than a fully formed and nuanced human being especially in the cases of how much art and language arts classes are devalued within both academia and life under capitalism, but I digress) erasing any self confidence in themselves to make something beautiful and good in addition to the constant presence of much more experienced builders online for the average player to compare themselves. What this leads to is a depressing loop of making a new world, building a house, finding diamonds, maybe beating the ender dragon and then quitting not knowing how they were once able to find so much joy in a game that is noticeably absent in their life now.

People now are more than ever conditioned by capitalist society into getting a hit of dopamine out of being told to do a task and then doing it, and that trend in everyday life leaks into what players subconsciously want in a game which then shapes game design and honestly it's really depressing.

So then the problem isn't minecraft's game design, or that the game's identity has changes, or the supposed "lazy devs". It's us. We live in a world fundamentally built around heirarchy and being told what to do and that expectation is so deeply ingrained in our own identities that when we're given the freedom to literally do whatever we want we become paralyzed and get bored at whatever endeavor we choose.

Try playing Minecraft again. Try it again with all of this in mind. It'll quite literally change the game for you. I know it's doing that for me.

TL;DR: The reason you don't enjoy Minecraft anymore is because capitalism sucks.

[harpulator]

i kinda fucking hate 1.20

(image from the minecraft wiki)

Cherry blossom forests do not work at ALL for minecraft, and make the game look like half the textures were swapped for a 2015 kawaii texture pack. The color palette for this biome compared to the rest of minecraft clash so hard it's distracting, like an anime fan has a field day in aseprite. this looks bad.

I absolutely refuse to call this update "one point twenty", because it's NOT, it's update 3.0. updates went 1.8, 1.9, 1.1, 1.11, 1.12, that's not how decimals work. if we *were* at 1.9, the next logical step is 2.0, but for some reason nobody called it that. im no mathematician, but 1.20 is equal to 1.2.

Pottery feels like a mod. Not a good one, either. not even for minecraft mod standards. "oh you like creating things? create a pot!" why on earth would I build something small and lifelike with powers-worth of less combinations than if you were to build a house, or a castle, or whatever because it's minecraft. this feature doesn't tie into anything else, this is completely self contained and adds nothing except bloat to the game. why anyone would bother to do this in survival is beyond me.

I've been dying to rant about this one! Archaeology breaks minecraft's world building outright, and destroys any lore building to now. Minecraft has always had magic and occult themes; enchanting tools and items, pillagers and woodland mansions, potion brewing and witches, zombies and skeletons and giant spiders, the stronghold, the end portal (and igniting it via enemies' eyes), and now we have the most normal form of human science. if it was astronomy or botony or chemistry (alchemy would be sick but that's not a modern human science) then MAYBE but it ISN'T. it's fucking rocks. god knows they aren't gonna do anything creative like you find an ancient artifact or something, you just dust off "suspicious sand" and get in return just completely random and useless shit. If you're late game enough to start adventuring around in search of suspicious sand, why on EARTH would you need ANY of this?

now, to further this fruitless endeavor of adding more stuff from real life to make minecraft more "realistic" or whatever, why would they backpedal SO HARD to add the sniffer? An entirely fictional creature in an update with otherwise exclusively real life additions, there's no theme here. From what i've seen of the sniffer, it looks like a fine mob that actually has something worth adding to minecraft, it just digs around and has fun and acts like a big wacky turtle. love it. A+. why the fuck does it not spawn naturally. the only reason archaeology is useful to any degree to to spawn sniffers, and sniffers dont serve any functional purpose other than to rizzen up your base with ancient plants. why not just make sniffers dig up food for themselves, and then you can tame them to start digging up plants? having sniffers wander around would make the game way cooler, but instead they had to use them to justify a completely useless unrelated system to exist. god that pisses me off.

I had to get this out of my system, but I would like to use this blog for shit im doing in addition to long posts like these about whatever laith is thinking at 11 am on a sunday. I dont like limiting myself to just the funnies and having a shit ton of side blogs is annoying, so if you didnt like this change of form i am not sorry and I will be doing more. ok bye gang

[aesfo]

Minecraft has always had lore (admittedly it's always been convoluted and/or vague and split between books, the end poem, and just natural generation) I know it was childish, but I was somewhat praying that the movie would focus on the depressive self-introspective fourth wall breaking story that Minecraft has always had very well hidden beneath the fun exterior of the game. But time and time again, I see the lore that Minecraft has had since beta 1.9 get straight up ignored and written over but never removed.

I still hold some hope that they have at least a little commentary directed at the person watching the movie directly, a reference to the end poem, or something relating to the vast multitude of other lore tidbits that Minecraft has dropped over the years.

i made this meme in a blind rage

[zombie-the-derg]

While I do agree with this whole thread I think it is fair to say that even barring the fact that players are changing (I personally started playing when I was 7. Im 19 now and still going strong), and the fact that players play in the most min-maxing boring ways making the game unfun for themselves, I dont think it applies to everyone and the reasoning isnt ENTIRELY why people have been complaining about Minecraft in recent years.

I think the issue isnt "the game isnt fun anymore", but more "the game lacks focus and as such is losing effort" (and since people cant critically think, its come out as "the game isnt fun anymore").

Ever since around after 1.17-1.18, the game has sorta just been.. stumbling about update wise. We went from a structured update all about updating.. well, "Caves and Cliffs" to.. the Wild Update? Which updated.. Caves again.. with a new structure that does has fuck all reason to explore it, as well as added swamps. Frogs, and Allays. Needless to say, The Wild Update was hastily thrown together and put out because.. well, a status quo! This status quo has lead to the game losing focus and effort into updates. This lack of a long term focus has lead to things such as 1.20, which, lets be honest here, added alot of half-baked features that really could have done with more time in the oven. The archeology system is barebones with minimal rewards, made netherite more annoying to get ahold of, and added a bit of armor customization, and lets be honest: have you seen ANYONE use a camel in your worlds before? Or use a sniffer, like ever? What im saying is, the game hasn't had a focal point they need to update anymore. I think the dev team believe that nothing can be improved upon, so there's no attempt to do revamps to things or compliment previous systems. I can list ALOT of things that need updating, which INCLUDE some previous features of recent updates, and i'll do it right now: The End (1.9 does not count), Pillagers, Woodland Mansions, The Wandering Trader, Desert Temples, The Archeology System, Farming/Food, Mushroom Islands (and for that matter, most of the biomes in the overworld as alot of them dont have many reason to go them other than for aesthetic purposes), Brewing, Enchanting, and so many more. If they want to be stingy and not update gameplay, customizability / moddability updates would go a long way. TL:DR: The game has not had a focus in its update path since 1.18 which which is a major contributor to the game not seeming "fun" anymore.

i keep getting recommended videos about how minecraft isn't fun anymore and it's mojangs fault. i think its such a fascinating phenomenon because i think at least 70% of that comes down to anything getting a little stale when it's all you do for years and years. of course you're going to not feel like something is as fun as it used to be, you started playing minecraft when you were 11 and you are 23 now with a job. things change and you are experiencing it.

[clinically-not-straight]

I fucking hate the minecraft fandom. It's this ome specific part of it to be fair, the part that goes "man remember the OG minecraft???" And then they'll list off stuff from 2017-19 n shit.

My personal most hated one was one where they had a video captioned "remember this one? classic" and it was a video with the old glass textures in. That would have been fine but it had grass paths in it which were added in 1.9, the combat update, which was after the one where glass changed. So this, unsurprisingly, means that those super shitty minecraft instagram accounts are lying about shit to please children. Now, I wouldn't mind that their accounts are marketed towards children but the problem is that they aren't, they market then towards 16-ish year olds cos n o s t a l g i a, additionally, it gets recommended to me, and I don't really want to see shitty content on my instagram feed.

But fuck it! Let's add to it, because the accounts are stupid and so are the people following! A comment said "that time when you had to figure out crafting recipes yourself" which would be true if we were talking about java edition, this was a clip of the console one because it had a tutorial zone and controller prompts. Even more fucking stupid, that tutorial world used the new lighting shit, from after the combat update and that tutorial area itself was also from after the glass texture update.

So yeah, minecraft accounts on instagram are fucking stupid, sadly they're also inescapable.

[technocrumbs]

Mr Beast, step aside mate

This man has some sort of agenda against Techno and I can’t stand it.

As a consistent Mr Beast fan and a Technoblade simp it’s clear to me that Jimmy clearly thinks that between Dream and Techno, Dream is the ‘better’ Minecrafter, and any 1v1 he’d set up would clearly be rigged in the green man’s favor. Nobody’s saying Jimmy’s a bad person (one look at his main channel videos dissuades that argument completely) but he’s either a Dream stannie or has been friends with the guy for a bit.

In this essay, I will outline why a 1v1 isn’t a good idea, the consequences it would reap, and possible solutions.

A 1v1 isn’t great because $100-fucking-k is A LOT of money. Neither dream nor techno desperately needs it, so Mr Beast adding that on just to fit his ‘brand’ is totally unnecessary. ESPECIALLY FOR MINECRAFT HELLO? Not only that, but on fruitberries’ stream Techno was training with him for a bit and fruit said he thinks Techno might win whatever he’s planning (the possible 1v1??) and you could tell it’s already stressing him the fuck out. The man’s already lost a year in his lifespan to farming potatoes, then 2 stressful MCC’s, and now this? People are already analyzing him and Dream’s convo on Twitter, and acting as if because Techno is a bit more humble about his skills than Dream in 1.9, he’s already set himself up to lose?

Now, say the 1v1 duel happens, and one of them wins all the marbles. This isn’t a slight against anyone in dttwt (except one, if you know you know) but we all know how stans can get. A small portion are bound to seriously point and laugh at Techno if he loses 1.9 pvp, say he’s washed up, all he can do is farm potatoes, and bullshit like that. An even larger portion will make jokes for weeks to come as if losing $100k isn’t enough. (Also, it most likely will be 1.9pvp since I think Mr Beast would use the latest version to be ‘fair’.) Now, don’t get me wrong, I have full confidence if either won that they’d give some money to charity and to their loved ones, but it’s still TOO MUCH PRESSURE. 

(If you need an example, Spifeyy’s stream about that fake Mr Beast tournament already showed extreme favour to Dream - I mean the fuckin goal was literally everything Dream’s content is on his channel.)

Someone on twitter suggested they do 3 rounds in 1.8, and 3 rounds in 1.9, if it’s a draw it $50k each. This is a brilliant idea - but we know Mr Beast isn’t gonna be that reasonable ;-; In conclusion, Mr Beast step aside and let their friendship happen naturally. 

Or else >:(

[spaceysp]

Technoblade and BadBoyHalo are The Same: An Essay

Well, to begin, the title is an absolute lie. In fact, I could probably write another essay on the differences between Bad and Techno, but I’m sure none of you are too radicalized by the idea that these are two very contrasting individuals. People’s attention is rarely brought to the similarities between the two that I have observed. So, join me on this small adventure where I hope to enlighten you to these ideas. 

One of the most core parallels, that isn’t just a petty trait shared between them, are their dedication to their careers and the game. Both have been playing Minecraft for over 7 years, and neither seem to show any intent to stop. The Minecraft community is obviously much different now than it was in 2013, it’s recent resurgence in popularity did wonders for their channels, as well as their relation to Dream (less so with Techno, but the spike is correlated nonetheless). Even from 2015 to 2018, when Minecraft wasn’t especially popular, they persisted in making videos, with little to no variance in what they’re playing. Both starting their YouTube channels and continuing through college, the dedication they exhibit despite not being financially supported by this venture in the beginning is admirable, even if their methods of creating content is dissimilar. However, there is a marked overlap in videos criticizing Mojang and Minecraft’s infamous 1.9 update.

This is where the fancy format all goes downhill and I give up because all the rest of the points I have are stupid and/or can be covered in a sentence. 

-At one point, neither of them would kill pigs (brotherhood and Fernando reasons). 

-Won’t curse in videos (one is for monetization and one is for the audience but I’m taking it).

-Tommy’s begrudging older brother figure (and gives him items). 

-Weebs. 

-Protector of the LGBT+ community.

-perfect usernames and og skins, never needed to change them

-Skeppy’s beeeesssssst friennnnnnnd (and beat him on the Martian map in Skywars that he supposedly never loses on).

-neurodivergent kings

[opportunity-rover]

y’all knew the second rover learned one (1) more piece of Ranboo lore I’d be on here doing some analysis so here we go folks (all under the cut bc it gets a little long <3)

for reference:

an enderman is 2.9 blocks tall normally and 3.25 when aggro, and since one block=1 meter (according to Ranboo), then an enderman is normally 9′5, and 10′7 aggro. 

this supports the ‘different states of being’ theory, that Ranboo is normally 6′7, but when aggro (or perhaps in his case, stressed out or panicking), he becomes 8′5. If this is the case, the the mob that makes up his other half (assuming it’s an in game mob and not something of his own creation) would have to be shorter, to round down to a lower height for both his normal and aggro height.

so either that is what ranboo was talking about by saying it gave something away, or that little bit about his height alluded to something about his other half. 

the heights of other mobs I’ve theorized him being:

iron golem (2.9)= 9′5

- probably wouldn’t round his height down much, as much as this is my favorite headcannon (based off some points I came up with in this post). Not as likely but still a contender. I don’t know why his height would be lower (6′7) if both his halves normal height is 9′5, but let me dream ok

skeleton (1.9)= 6′2

- would make sense for the rounding the height down theory, but I did watch him kill a skeleton in the same stream, which he has avoided for a while but makes me a little sus. 

ghast (4)= 13′1 

-holy cow probably not this one, as he’s denied it to death in canon as well as the fact that the height difference would significantly trend the average height upwards, not down. 

dog/wolf (.85)= 2′8

-while it would round down the height, it would be a significant one and I don’t really see too much evidence of this being a possibility other than his friendliness towards dogs and slightly the coloration.

snow golem (1.9)= 6′2

-again accounts for the down-trend in his height, fits with the colors of Ranboo’s other half, and makes sense with his whole ‘pumpkins sure are cool’ thing that he had going- plus the random pumpkin house he built. I think this one at first glance seems like a lame second half, but it’s kinda cool considered they’re one of the strats used to beat the end. I’ve used them before to keep the endearment off of me while I fight the dragon. Plus, Ranboo has been around themself Ince the beginning of the smp (the ice cream shop, decorating for the festival, etc) and seems pretty friendly towards them. He also seems to be fine in cold environments, like where he’s living now, and carries snowballs in his inventory frequently. Snow golems also don’t like water, but this doesn’t line up with all the nether references that Ranboo has been making.

zombified piglin (1.95)= 6′4

-would account for the height change, and the decomposing side of the Piglin (the exposed skeleton) would match with Raboo’s left side colors. Plus, it would explain his interest in the nether and his lack of fear for lava. However, he has killed a lot of these in the past. 

there are a couple more mobs I’ve considered (stray, vex, silverfish, shulker), but I don’t want to make this post any longer than it already is going to be lol so I’m cutting myself off there

and then my for fun theories:

there is a theory about him being a shapeshifter, which I don’t really buy into (he has two very distinct sides, we’ve never seen scenes of him changing entire forms) but just for shits and giggles if he was, I’d kinda theorize he was a blob that could shapeshift into different forms. Specifically, a blob like Dream. It would make sense for the color of his other half, and for the voice in his head, but I’m not entirely sold on the theory so I’m not fully sold on it.

there's a mob called the agent, which looks like this:

It’s only available in Minecraft: Education Edition, and to my knowledge something that’s not common knowledge in the Minecraft community, so Ranboo probably wouldn’t look at something like this when considering his other half. However, it is one of my favorite (if not completely out there) theories. Not only does the colors match up, with he red in the center and the lighter color otherwise, but also there’s some cool possibilities here since the agent is connected to code. The agent is something that’s controlled, which would work with the whole ‘Dream controlling Ranboo and him not remembering it’ theme. However it’s not very likely hence why it’s just one of my wild guesses :)) 

if y’all have anything to add feel free, as you can see I find it incredibly interesting and Ranboo is probably going to reveal something completely different than anything I can think up so 👀 hit me up

[ranmanjuu]

not a request but can you imagine oda forces trying to play smash against the anti-oda or they all play minecraft together

i’ll expose myself here. i have never ever played smash (although minecraft steve being announced is super pog) so i can’t tell ya that part bud. but i can with the blok game. (disclaimer that this request was made after i closed it yet my heart said No, you actually Want to do this so here i am. most probably will be short).

‎

welcome folks, to SengokuSMP.

oda forces:

—nobunaga:

would be the one that steals your iron and shit. commits thefts willy nilly, and no one is exempt from this. if he needs it, he’ll get it with or without your consent.

would kill an iron golem for the few iron it gives

before he got his own base (cause i think he’d just spend most of his time mining and getting materials to protect himself) he’s probably just barge in the nearest bed and sleep in it, regardless of the owner.

his base would probably be built by hideyoshi or sumthn.

he prefers playing pvp more than just survival. since mc placed a kind of restriction for the end (and therefore blocking them from completing the game), he goes onto servers and practice his battles even in a block game.

1.9 axe-shield pvp. he’s tactical in knowing when to strike and block and to back down, and is immaculate with his crits.

—hideyoshi:

probably spends the first few days around nobunaga to protect him. he always fights off the mobs near him even if nobunaga can handle himself.

always reminds people to sleep every night, so that the phantoms don’t come. even though a lot of the players prefer to just stay up.

built a base for nobunaga near his mine cause he needs A Place and not just mooch furnaces and beds from other people.

spawned iron golems for “protection” but nobunaga keeps killing them cause it just gets in the way

would be the one to make mines 4 blocks high so you don’t Bump your head thing, probably like 3 block width and even staircases. would also be the one to make a safety railing across any bridges he finds.

if an ally, he’d greet new players and give them some extra stuff so that they have Something to start off with

i feel like he’d be a pve player idk why

—mitsuhide:

no one knows where he is most of the time. nor his base.

unless you see his nametag (which, most of the time, he’ll see yours first) it’s kinda hard to find him when he’s off and alone.

mf is the black market of the server. whatever potions, potion ingredients, or shit like that, he has. he probably owns like several wither skulls enough to summon a wither.

he would sneak around when mc is mining and just like. scare the shit out of them. the cave noises don’t help.

(the newest screenshot hasn’t been released yet but,) y’all know the warden? the new mob? cause it’s reliant on sounds, if anyone is ever in its proximity he’d throw like snowballs at them so that it goes after them. little shit.

bow skills?? perfect. even in a game his accuracy is spot on. you know those obstacles people make with like slime blocks and maybe mlg 360s? mf can do that

he probably knows enough redstone to make traps, too.

somehow knows what everyone has/doesn’t have.

—masamune:

prank ass bitch.

he probably has like a Source of tnts in his base or something. if anyone is moving out of their old base, he’ll either blow it up or burn it, whether they wanted to or not.

fuck it. he’ll do it even if you’re not moving.

probably doesn’t often sleep and would rather fight off the phantoms than anything.

he probably wants to defeat the dragon quick, cause it’s supposed to be the game’s ultimate goal. but because of the previous restrictions you put, he just goes off and fights other players (cough kenshin, nobunaga)

and when he does kill you, expect like half of your items to not be returned.

also one of the casual thieves in the server. he just doesn’t care that it Belongs to someone and just yoinks

also a pvp player, although i find him leaning more to 1.8 style. he will jitter click you out of existence.

has dogs because idk he gives off that vibe also they Attack.

—ieyasu:

does not log on much lol. he got on once and then Never Again. it’s only when you ask him that he begrudgingly does get in in his own contrarian way.

definitely goes wayy far out for more isolation cause he doesn’t want to get caught up with whatever shit masamune has.

the only major thing he did besides mining and everything was that he got a cat. and almost no one knows about it, other than you because:

“ieyasu has made the advancement [Best Friends Forever]!”

“mc: :OOOOO!!!!”

yeah, you never told anyone.

the longest time that he logged in at first was probably when he found out that cats sleep in beds and just. sat there as the night goes by in his bunker just watching and hearing it purr. he’s a bit irritated when the others tell him to sleep, but then see that the cat went and slept on him that secretly made his heart soft.

and then you insisted on going to his base which took a considerable amount of time, and even with his denying, you decide to decorate and expand his base! you also got to name the cat, but you never knew since you just said like “i’d name it [...]!” and later ieyasu found a name tag and actually did name it that.

—mitsunari:

he doesn’t run a lot i don’t feel. primarily because he was wonky with the controls from the start.

i feel like he’d have the brain to be a redstone engineer. he spends more time like, making those cool machines than anything (probably those that’d help out everyone like an automated farm, etc.)

thing is he forgot that he could die, so most of the time he’s just starve to death without even noticing it.

much like in real life, he always forgets to sleep. and that’s why phantoms are his number 2 in his cause of deaths.

doesn’t have an actual base. hideyoshi built a small one for him, but mitsunari kind of never uses it and just logs off on the spot. at this point it just became a part of the main buildings for everyone or something.

he doesn’t do an awful a lot of collecting and often asks others for some. and when he is given it, he goes “thank you ^^ <3″ and does like the happy-shift thing. it’s honestly too cute for it to be just pixels.

probably knows a lot about minecraft stuff too, it’s just that he never uses any of it.

—ranmaru:

he was so excited the first time you told him that he was invited to the smp of sengoku warlords! would probably frequent the most.

i think he’d just vibe really. not exactly going extremely into pve or pvp or redstone or building, he plays it at a very slow place and more like an animal crossing player would.

like, he builds a small farm and stuff. it isn’t as efficient as mitsunari’s, but it is what it is. also has an animal pen with loads of one animal category and he tends to let people use it with the exclusion of some (coughs masamune) as long as they breed them again or something.

and while he doesn’t go for the big projects, he is kind of a builder? he has the Aesthetic sense while building his house and stuff yk. would maybe lean into the cute, cottagecore stuff.

favorite food in game is probably cake! it takes more effort than most other foods and it just looks cute so he likes making them.

totally has shaders on.

is scared shitless of cave noises at times. you could play 11 near him and he’d just straight up panic and log off.

‎

uesugi-takeda forces:

—shingen:

i find him to be maybe one of those builders that stick to large projects and stuff idk why

he does other things too, mainly pvp (he likes to just head over to nobunaga’s base and kill him sometimes. not that the man doesn’t accept the challenge). would probably also be more into 1.9 pvp because he’s a very calculative person in fighting. yes even in block game.

but the first thing he built once he’s set from collecting materials, was a “restaurant”. for what, you ask? why of course he takes you on a minecraft date. that was the top of his list the moment you even told him about the smp

once the others found out (which was not that long) he just started bragging. kenshin burnt down the building later on.

but he always escorts mc or some shit while spewing out his Lines in chat, sometimes doing the bow in game thing. in response, there are several barfs in chat, and a list of people coming to kill him.

mf likes to combat log on kenshin when he’s on a Killing Spree for the shits and giggles.

—kenshin:

first time you told him about it, he was very happy to learn something about mc’s modern times, even if it’s a children’s game. unfortunately, he didn’t know what an ‘smp’ meant.

so when he logged on and saw that there were Other people, his smile turned into a deadly frown as he just began punching them to death. he only stopped when they ran off and you intervened.

he tried having you stick around longer when you were giving him a tutorial of how to play the game.

at first he only collected material to get stronger. and by that only sword because he sees no need in getting armor (he doesn’t die in battle irl, he can’t die in a simple game). but WRONG cause he got killed by shingen who, even though he had a stone axe, had iron armor while kenshin got nothing but an iron sword.

he doesn’t make a base (why do so many here don’t make bases istg). in fact, he doesn’t log on much.

at first, he only goes on if mc is on. it’s only when he sees that mc appreciates some of the work the others have put into things (like shingen’s builds, mitsunari’s redstone, etc.) is when kenshin tries to Do Things Too and kinda fail.

this man kinda has no aesthetic sense in the block game. but you give him a for effort.

1.8 pvper. he can definitely do 1.9, but more the former mostly cause his deadly anger makes him jitter click like crazy. often challenges others (consented or not) which mostly includes masamune and nobunaga, and he often surprise attacks shingen and sasuke.

—yukimura:

honestly a normal player in survival.

he makes a decent house, has some pretty strong gear, and just helps around his allies a lot (mostly {try to} drag kenshin away from trouble, scold shingen for being too close to mc {though it’s a him problem ngl} and just being a messy caretaker).

i feel like he’d enjoy tekkit tbh. sasuke would probably introduce it to him and he’d just generally enjoy it.

but this is about the smp

he got lucky the first drowned he killed dropped a trident and it’s been his favorite weapon.

probably tried at one point to build kenshin a small base but he wouldn’t listen so like. shrugs.

he’s a bit iffy with playing alongside the enemies in the same server, but they are kind of divided into two. and mc did say it was just for fun and games and they didn’t want to see actual wars be dragged into this, so he just lets it go and has fun.

he looks forward to beating the enderdragon a lot, when the end is available.

—sasuke:

oh Boy he’s having a field day. his adored sengoku warlords? playing minecraft, his childhood game??? absolute pog.

even though it was you who proposed the idea, the one who set up the server in the first place was sasuke, since he has more knowledge on that stuff.

since he got his bearings quicker than the rest from experience, and he was earlier to log on due to testing and stuff, he mostly helps you with building like the main hub, like the center place for everyone and generally things that involve helping the overall smp.

can mlg water bucket, through a lot of trial and error. he uses it mostly to make dramatic entrances where he drops from a hill and just not take damage.

^ speaking of Dramatic Entrances, he probably has a chest full of ender pearls for those specifically.

although he helps a lot with guiding everyone, at times, he pulls out the ol’ “sleep in the nether :)” suggestion just to troll

ngl he’d stick to his ninja thing and successfully make a redstone-wired door and has his banger secret base in it

—yoshimoto:

the s in smp doesn’t exist to him.

he’s just a collector, really. one of his first priority isn’t even materials like stone, the moment he finds any kind of flowers he’ll pick it up. it’s only when yukimura and sasuke actually Give him shit does he start living a not broke life.

probably dies a lot to mobs and stuff

but like legit, this man spent a long time collecting all 13 discs and almost every flower (yes, even the biome only ones) because he wants to take it all in. nevermind the fact that he can just listen to the discs online and all.

he’s immaculate in his aesthetics. even with just wood he makes his base look really cool ngl. 

some parts of it are plastered with every painting there is in minecraft, or just item frames, or flowers in their pots. every decoration you can think of, lamps, campfires, even armor stands, he has them.

you gotta give him credit, it’s a lot of effort.

he often afks just to listen to the music even though, again, he could just listen to it online.

got into a bit of a spiel with ranmaru, since he unknowingly dyed a lot of his sheep (he did categorize it with color though). and so they made an agreement to just have every color sheep, and put them in different pens. so they just shared it now

he saw the cave updates and went silently bonkers because how pretty some look (like the lush caves? hello??)

he has like. 14+ texture packs and 4 different shaders ready at his settings.

[ranvwoop]

Mcc thoughts please :)

(I love to hear for u about this stuff!!!)

!! cryptid!!! friend!!! hello!!! thank you for asking!! Often I am no thoughts head empty about like, actual skill things, but I do have some thoughts for you :DD! (Also nice new pfp by the way !!). I also got very distracted while writing this. It's late. Oopsie.

Under the cut as usual Cause I Talk A Lot.

The first thing to say about it is ?? it was just a Very Nice Time. Everyone pretty much unanimously agrees that the vibes of mcc14 were Very Off, and I also came away with. eek. awkward. people are sad and unhappy and that is bad. mccp was also super good (and for a good cause!!) but I felt this one even surpassed it in Good Atmosphere. I watched Pink from Ranboo's pov live, and then watched Green from Phil's pov in the evening (/morning cause I fell asleep watching it lol), and I'm even debating watching Red from Quackity's pov despite it being an almost four hour VOD and I do not have the time for that, it was just. Such a nice time!! I can't actually speak for other than Pink and Green but. I understand completely why it is adored.

To preface, I don't know anything about being good at video games. Much less Minecraft. I spiritually relate to mister Pants in this position. I am tossing stones in this glass tumblr blog. I don't look at the Reddit, either.

For Pink, I have to say I Am So Proud of Ranboo. I am so proud of him. That's my parasocial relationship! He's come so far and he says he's not good at the game but h e i s. I'm very glad that they got parkour tag first, specifically because Ranboo did really well and he deserved to have a good start. Something something morale and surprising people, but also I just think he personally deserved it. I hope he comes back for more tournaments, it's no secret that i adore he but like... great attitude..... generally very versatile... he's not the best best pvper in the world but pvp but shut.... I'm so excited to see him come back and do even better. I hope he'll be a regular, and tbh since he's so happy and excited about it and also happy to be paired with anyone I think he will be. My streamer is so cool.

Wilbur and Tubbo also did extremely well!! Top ten?? My streamers?? My streamers constantly underestimated because the reddit is mean to them for some reason??? Admittedly I don't know much abt Tubbo in MCC because this is my first time watching his team, but, give him more credit he knows what he's doing D:. And Wilbur, I have been watching him in the past two MCCs and I know he's been trying so hard and constantly being just cut short. He just wants to do well and be a good support for his teammates,,, mister Soot... holding gently.

I am not too familiar with TapL, other than he's usually at the front of races, but second individual is Super Super Good. I am proud of him too. I've also not watched him because I'm not very into speedrunning (see above where I. I don't know a thing about Minecraft lol) but he's so cool I may have to. The universe is telling me watch Tapl. But he's very cool. Not a lot for me to say abt him since I knew him as a really good player and he ended up being a really good player!

Pink's overall communication and chemistry was So Good. It was so good that I didn't even think about it being a factor until I watched another point of view, and Green sort of fell apart a bit and I was like, huh, wow, okay. No offence to them, but they had a sort of rough start with Battlebox. It was a tiny bit secondhand embarassing because it's just nooO listen to eachother,, listen,,,,

They also had a rough entirety with Connor. Poor Connor. I say this with absolute affection, I think Connor's really cool and I like watching his streams and also it was funny, but CoNNOR,

He had to be taught how to play the game During the game. I don't think he'd used an Elytra before the tsf map?? Or at least it had been so long he forgot?? Nobody told him about 1.9 combat changes until chat told him during the game. Phil had said on stream that he was trying and failing to round people up to practice, but, they should've at least ran through the game mechanics with the man. Tell him the event started an hour before it should've or something and play on a realm and refresh stuff he Will Need. And then Sands of Time, where his game was bugged, everyone assumed he was just incompetent, and then he sounded very calm so nobody realized the gravity of How Much Sand.

I'm not saying he's not just bad at the game, (well. he's probably average at the game, honestly, but in comparison to people who have spent their career in The Craft), but I think with a little more support in some areas he wouldn't have done as poorly. This is also totally not salty or anything, it was Very Fun to watch the poor man trying to navigate Minecraft, and everyone had fun so!! Good. Rights.

(It was also very funny when Phil and Fundy both tried to compliment him and Discord cut it off. MAN CAN'T CATCH A BREAK!)

To speak more positively, they really managed well in sky battle and survival games. Tommy is always an excellent leader for those sorts of things and managed to even keep Connor alive until the end of SG, and I think they did very well in sky battle too?? I can't completely remember. Phil trying to coach Connor through TSF was also nice to see, even if the time ran out before he could actually manage to do it.

I don't know why I've based my metric of teamwork on Connor. It's important to uplift the weak link, I guess! Like I said, I am not upset about it or salty or think that they're secretly Bad Team Players or Bad People, it's just an observation. They're all individually great members of a team, and I've seen them all work well in the past!

Fundy was also there. Fundy did good. I didn't talk about Fundy here at all. I can't remember much about what he did.

I would also like to take a moment to talk about Purple Pandas, because they were at the root of Pink Parrot's failures and I think that is hilarious. Wool'd em in Battlebox. Killed them early in Sky Battle. And then, finally, killed Ranboo in SG. I just thought it was really funny.