#This was actually the best photo I was able to get of this particular kid

[omg-snakes]

Reasons I generally don't bother trying to measure corn snakes, Exhibit A

[hopepunkhealer]

Hey hey hey!! Ghostflower!!

On the topic of physical media, for that debate, if it ever comes up again, tell your teacher that when they get married (or imagine the wedding they already had). The DJ they hired shows up. Their entire system is built on streaming because it’s accessible and the easiest way to get into DJing anymore.

But uh oh. The service isnt great. Or they forgot to download something to play offline. Or the wifi is being weird. Or they were planning on using spotify and suddenly spotify changed their terms of service and wont function as a third party service for DJ equipment (cause that actually happened). So now the DJ you hired doesnt have access to many songs, let alone the ones that you requested for specific moments. So now what? Without physical media, your wedding is out of luck.

The point is, just because the majority of people dont use it regularly, doesnt mean its not something that other people dont need. DJs *need* to be able to make and use physical media. Im sure there are more professions that need it too. But if you want your wedding to go smoothly (music wise) you should 100% have a DJ that has physical media at least as a back up.

(Using weddings as an example cause that tends to be the end all be all event for a lot of people that they always want to go perfect - same could be applied to any event you hire a dj for)

- @safety-pin-punk

my teacher was on my side of the argument, it was my classmates who were against it.

it started because we brought up music streaming, and I mentioned if you lose the account you bought music through or streamed through, you lose that music, and one particular classmate told me I was wrong (her favourite thing to do, mind you), and that streaming services are a perfectly fine way to do music. and yes, spotify is quick, its convenient, etc. but the example I had was ITunes, specifically the fact that my mum lost hundreds of dollars of music when apple switched from Itunes to apple music, because she doesn't use apple anymore and couldn't sign anything in.

classmate and i then went back and forth for another 10 minutes and classmate finding some kind of counter for every single (what I thought were good) argument I made.

but either way, my general statement in most things, is that physical media is so important, not only because of the "it means you own it" argument, but also for media preservation. so many streaming services just take down shows or movies or music just to clear server space, and it means there is more and more lost media.

like think ahead in your life if you have young kids in your life (be that students, friends kids, family, etc) and you want to show them what you were like as a kid/teenager/young adult/etc, one of the best ways to do that would be pictures in a photo album where yes, something could happen to that photo album, so its a good idea to keep back up copies online anyway, but having that solid tangible picture is so special.

[noipsaskblog]

Hi!!! Welcome!!!

Hello everyone!! I'm No One In Particular, but you can call me Noip if you wish!!

Although, I like having nicknames, so feel free to suggest some, hehe!!

Anyways, who am I??????

I'm just a monochrome child living in his room, and recently found this place called 'Tumblr'! I found a lot of cool people and thought I'd join them here!

I like having friends, exploring alternate universes, drawing and reading, and also sleeping!!

My Best Friend is known as Monochild!! She isn't here yet... But I might be able to convince her to join at some point!! Same with my other friends too!!

But what I do NOT like is fear, boredom, and...

Loneliness...

So... I would love to become friends with you all!! :D

Why is your name 'No One In Particular'?

That isn't my name!! I am literally 'No One In Particular'!! I don't know why, but... I don't seem to have an identity! I'm just... 'no one in particular'!

That's why everyone calls me Noip! Makes it a lot easier.

Are you sure you aren't known as anything else?

Oh, well... I guess I am known as the 'Traveler of Worlds' and 'Teller of Legends', but more commonly...

..."That Kid."

What do you look like?

Oh!!! I'll get a photo soon!!!

I look really cute, I like to thinkl!!

Argh, almost time to go!! Sorry, I bid you all adieu!!

Someone else will take over!! He's really smart, but also kinda strange...

...

Hello?

Oh, perfect. It's working.

So, uh, hey.

The rest of this part is OOC. That is, No One In Particular is no longer talking.

If you couldn't tell, this is a roleplay ask blog. Hope you like the story I set up so far.

I'm @cicada-wisp. The owner of No One In Particular's story and all the characters.

His tale takes elements from OMORI, UNDERTALE/DELTARUNE, and a little bit of Yume Nikki.

Originally the story was very different. But then it was forgotten.

It's been remade now. This is it. I hope it's good.

...

Oh, right, actually important things.

So, tag list:

#NoipAsk - Someone asked Noip something and he replied.

#Story - A part of the story was revealed.

#OOC - An out-of-character post.

#NoOneInParticular - Something relating to Noip. Also known as a character tag.

#MonoChild - Something relating to MonoChild. Also known as a character tag.

#art - Art. Do not expect many updates from this tag, sorry!

#writing - Writing! This'll probably be more common than the art tag.

General Notes:

Other character blogs and such are free to interreact as well! As Noip said, he loves having friends!

If responses are slow then sorry... I don't mean to ignore anyone!

Please, please interact with Noip. He's.

So.

Alone.

[trainerbymoonlight]

🦕- The muse talks about their very first pokemon

man, apollo. my sweet lil guy. where do i even start with him? i can already tell this is gonna be a long post, i tend to get sappy when i talk about him- and how could i not? he’s been my partner pokémon for nine years of my life.

(i guess, uh.. cw for vague references to past injury to a child?)

[photo of what looks to be a very young Floris in a lab, smiling at the camera as they hold a small Torchic in their arms, which is gripping onto their t-shirt with its tiny claws and glaring in displeasure at whoever’s behind the camera.]

this was taken right after i got him! the story behind him being my pick was.. untraditional, really. accidental. he wasn’t the starter torchic that was supposed to be one of my options, actually, since our local professor thought his nature being too opinionated and high-maintenance wouldn’t be optimal for a beginner Trainer- especially not me, who hadn’t even turned ten yet.

he tried to convince me to choose another, much more suitable torchic for my age back at the lab, but when he tried to pry apollo off of me, he bit the shit out of the professor’s hand and screeched his little head off! totally refused to let me go, and i really didn’t mind, so i decided on keeping him.

you’d probably assume he’s all serious and battle-focused, but he’s still just as much if not more of a cuddlebug as he was when he was a baby, just bigger, stronger, and able to hold me hostage (/j) now lol

[more recent selfie of the Champion, face halfway in frame, wrapped in a tight hold by a big, battle-scarred Blaziken, eyes closed and sharp beak nestled into the crook of their neck comfortably.]

he’s.. done a lot for me, especially during my first journey. he basically taught me how to train pokémon in the first place, since he’s always had very particular ways of doing things. i think i’ve mentioned he’s force evolved a couple of times, but i haven’t really elaborated on that yet

i’m gonna keep it vague, but after one of my Gym battles as a kid, i got super injured. at some point during the whole thing, apollo broke out of his ball. he was a combusken at the time, and he ended up force-evolving himself into blaziken early (thankfully not significantly earlier) in order to keep me alive the best way he knew how and put himself between the threat and i. the threat gave up, which is probably the smart move to make when you’re faced with a six-foot-tall fire-breathing bird pokémon who wants you dead.

all in all- apollo is the best boy, (at least to me) and he deserves the world. i try my best to give it to him every single day, but.. well, seeing that i’m human, i can’t necessarily ask him if i’m doing a good job. i can only pray to Arc that i’m giving him the best life i can give him as his trainer until somebody somewhere invents some kind of pokémon translation device :) he seems happy, though, and that’s what matters most to me. i owe him a hell of a lot.

sorry for the long post! :3

[stargazer-sims]

🖊️🖊️🖊️- Seiji, Haru, Victor

Thanks @dandylion240 !

haha I could write a lot about Victor especially, but I’ll try not to go too wild with it 😆 Anyway, here you go! This is going to be kind of spoiler-y in places. Oops 😬

----------

Hinamori Seiji

Where to start with Seiji...?

Seiji is an only child. As a result, he's very close to his parents, and he also tends to think of his friends as the siblings he never had. He's sure his best friend Takahiro is the closest he'll ever get to having a brother, and he certainly loves him like one.

Seiji and Takahiro met when they were ten years old, when Taka's family moved to Mt. Komorebi from the city. They met before the new school year began, and they were pleased to discover they'd be attending the same all-boys school. Taka was scared about being the new kid in school, but Seiji assured him that he didn't need to worry about it because he'd already be his friend and would protect him if other kids gave him a hard time. He was true to his word, and he and Taka have stuck together ever since, through all the good and bad times in their lives so far.

Seiji is named after his great-grandfather. People who've seen photos of the last man to hold the largely honourary title of Lord Hinamori say that Seiji has grown up to look just like him, and as much as Seiji pretends to scoff at this, he really can't deny the resemblance.

The similarity became even more apparent when he met Sachiko Kobayashi for the first time, and she immediately got down on her knees to bow to him, and called him Hinamori-sama because she initially mistook him for someone from her past. When she was alive, Sachiko had been a servant to Seiji's family on their estate. She'd worked in the now-famous gardens, but had been a particular favourite of Seiji's great-great-grandfather, the elder Lord Seiryu Hinamori, and was often asked to come into the main house to perform other tasks.

Sachiko is the ghost that inhabited Victor & Yuri Okamoto-Nelson's house in Willow Creek. Seiji's meeting with her came about when Taka and his then-fiancé Fox invited Seiji to come and stay with them for a whlie. Seiji, who'd never left his country before, was terrified about travelling to Canada, but he really missed his friends Taka and Victor (and their partners) and wanted to see them, so he agreed to go. He initially stayed with Taka and Fox in their apartment, but soon moved into Victor and Yuri's basement guest room. He said it was to give Taka and Fox back their privacy in their tiny apartment, but it actually had more to do with being close to Sachiko than anything else. He ended up staying a lot longer than he'd originally planned to.

Seiji and Sachiko discovered that they'd each lost someone they loved before having a chance to confess their feelings; Seiji because his unrequited love Tsubaki had died, and Sachiko because she had died before telling her love — Lord Seiji — how she felt.

At first, Seiji didn't know how to react to this ghost telling him she'd been in love with his great-grandfather, but he soon found that he was able to look past that uncanny detail and recognize Sachiko as a sort of kindred spirit (no pun intended). He was able to see her as someone who hadn't yet healed from a devastating loss, and despite himself, he wanted to help her in any way he could.

As it happened, Sachiko helped him too. They grew close, and without even realizing it at first, they fell in love with each other. This caused Sachiko a great deal of stress once she understood what was happening, because their love seemed impossible and she was worried Seiji would be hurt all over again. Seiji, for his part, was determined to find out if there was some way to restore Sachiko to life. Even if it was impossible, he swore to himself that he wouldn't stop until he had an answer, one way or the other. It gave him a sense of purpose that he hadn't had for a long time, if ever.

SPOILER

There did, in fact, turn out to be a way. It wasn't easy, and it took time, effort and a voyage back to Japan. Seiji's friends thought he'd totally lost his mind, but he was absolutely not going to give up once he knew.

Afterwards, Seiji and Sachiko decided not to stay in Willow Creek. Seiji took her home to Mt. Komorebi, and they settled down together and eventually started a family of their own. They often visit the Hinamori family estate, where Seiji's grandparents, uncle, aunt & cousins live, and Sachiko finds great irony in the fact that she is now a lady of the estate rather than a servant.

__________

Abe Sakuharu

One thing about Haru is that he never shies away from a challenge. Because of his disability, there were a lot of things he was never expected to be able to do, including living independently. Although it's true that he might not do well living completely on his own, he's definitely capable of looking after himself and everyone who knows him now considers him to be a functional, independent adult (okay, maybe not everyone thinks he's an adult, but still...)

Haru has a form of FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) known as alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder. Fortunately for him, his physical delays were mild. He was later meeting his milestones like sitting up, crawling, walking and feeding himself than typical kids, but he did eventually meet all of them and is physically "normal" now. His biggest challenges are non-physical, as he has issues with memory, attention, judgment and impulse control. Sometimes he has a hard time regulating his emotions as well. In terms of cognitive delays, he's quite intelligent but struggles with academic things; reading and writing in particular.

As a child, he had behavioural issues, but has since recognized those were mainly due to frustration, anxiety, and an inability to express himself and make his needs and feelings clearly understood. He worked with a therapist when he was a kid/young teen, who helped him develop coping strategies for anxiety, anger and frustration, and helped him find safe and healthy ways to communicate his needs.

Haru loves poetry, music and dance. Performing is the best and healthiest means of self-expression he knows. Most people don't realize it, but for him, being a performer is just as much therapy as it is a career.

One of the best things to have happened in Haru's life recently was meeting his boyfriend, Eden. Haru is afraid to tell most people about his disability because he's scared he'll be judged for it, but he told Eden, and Eden accepted it without any hesitation whatsoever. It's not that Eden is ignorant of Haru's challenges, but that he sees Haru as a whole person and not just as his disability. Haru loves that. One of the things he's constantly craved in his life are people who love and accept him as he is, and he's grateful to have found that in Eden.

----------

Victor Okamoto-Nelson

After retiring from his career as a competitive snowboarder, Victor ultimately settled on nursing as the profession he wanted to pursue. He's always known he wanted to work in healthcare in some capacity, but it took him a long time to decide because he'd always been worried about whether or not he could handle the training and whether or not he'd be any good in his chosen field.

Since finding out that his difficulties with reading were due to an eye condition rather than an intellectual deficit, his confidence in his ability to do academic things skyrocketed. There was no stopping him once his vision was corrected. He happily wears his glasses or contacts with the same satisfaction and pride as he'd wear a medal after a competition, as if they're a badge of achievement. He supposes they really are like that in some ways, because they represent the moment when he realized he could be way more than just an athlete.

Victor originally thought he might like to do home-care nursing, but his first clinical placement was in pediatrics, and after one day on the pediatric floor of Willow Creek Regional Hospital he immediately knew he'd found his calling. The registered nurse who'd supervised him told his professors that she thought he was a natural with kids. His gentleness and patience (and appropriate silliness) were valuable considerations for his supervisor.

Now, he and his best friend & step-sister Ellie are co-workers at the hospital. Ellie, also a nurse, works in the ICU. They're both extremely busy, but they try to catch up for a snack and a cup of tea whenever their breaks coincide.

Of course, they also spend loads of time together outside work, just like they've done all their lives. "The team" which used to be Victor, Ellie and Leo, has now expanded to include Yuri, as well as Yuri's friend Takahiro and his husband Fox. (Bonus: Leo and Taka also work together at one of the local preschools).

Victor loves his life. He has a job he's passionate about, a beautiful home, and a spouse who's devoted to him and who he's equally devoted to. He's lucky enough to have the freedom and opportunity to do what he enjoys, and he's happy about that. He still takes part in a lot of sports, including snowboarding, and he still likes to train dogs. He and Yuri travel a lot, usually whenever he has vacation time.

He's the uncle (or honourary uncle) to a lot of adorable kids, and he loves that, too. As far as he's concerned, it's the ideal situation. He gets to love them and play with them and teach them things, but doesn't have the problem of being tied down with full-time responsibility for them. His favourite kids are his step-niece Leonora and Camellia Abbottsford, probably because they both remind him of himself at their age.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch. 142 thoughts

[141 2/3 Chance of Winning]

According to translator David Evelyn, Void’s character design is based on Balrog from Street Fighter, and his opponent for the title match, Ed, is based on Balrog’s protege. When we see him in a couple pages, he’s even got Ed’s hairstyle! A fun little reference that I unfortunately couldn’t have caught on my own. Speaking of, that bit about “Shinora fashion” last week was a reference to a 90′s pop artist, Tomoe Shinohara, who inspired a particular fashion boom at the time. Maybe I should try to find Cipher Academy’s translator’s twitter so I might get similar updates there

Fuuko points out that Void is as tall as if not taller than Andy, but honestly that’s not where the similarities end. Dude basically has the same hairline, same brow, even the same smile. No wonder Void was introduced wearing that mech suit, Tozuka probably didn’t want to get called out for sameface so early on

Nico’s statement that the match will be one “that’ll never make the history books” is a really powerful line, a stark reminder that the Union’s efforts won’t be known to humanity, even with such a public spectacle as this. We see it in more detail later in the chapter, so I’ll cover it then, but it’s sad knowing that they’ll forever be unsung heroes

Void assumes that Fuuko is just a fan trying to get an autograph, which is frankly a natural response considering how ludicrous it is for a kid to jump on stage and demand to fight a professional boxer. I love the detail that he asks if Fuuko is spelled with an F or an H, because the “fu” kana is actually in the H’s: ha, hi, fu, he, ho, so technically it’s pronounced hu. If you listen closely when a character pronounces fu, you might even hear it. It’s interesting for an American to question that, though; does Void know Japanese? How worldly of him (though he does spell it Fuko)

Fuuko’s little pouty face as Void treats her like a child is honestly downright adorable, and frankly this is the kind of humanizing moment that Void’s been really missing. When he first showed up, he was just a bruiser and frankly a huge jerk, diminishing Andy and Fuuko to “UMA freaks.” Idiot wasn’t even clear on the difference between UMA and Negators, what a meathead. But now we see that he’s a real showman, always ready to meet a fan head on, going straight to taking photos and giving autographs despite how clearly rude Fuuko’s being in this situation

Nico suggests using the memory manipulator to make everyone see Fuuko as Ed, but Fuuko refuses, as she wants to face Void (and by extension all of the other Negators) as herself without hiding behind tricks or disguises. If she wants to build a team that trusts her to succeed and have their back, and in turn will have her back, she needs to be genuine with them and not manipulate them. When she met Nico, she couldn’t tell him about his fate lest she change his future for the worse, which made it difficult for him to trust her, but because she so earnestly admitted that it was because she wanted what was best for him, he chose to trust her anyway. Even when she got Ed to back out of the fight, she convinced him it was because he was in danger rather than by hypnotizing him, so Fuuko really won’t try to take away anyone’s autonomy if she can help it, which I think is a quality of a good leader

I think it’s Fuuko’s sincerity that also finally convinces Void that she’s not just a fan; when she stops trying to make it a spectacle and simply looks him in the eye, he can tell that she has every intention of fighting him. This in turn sparks bloodlust in Void, which Fuuko feels quite literally like a punch to the face. Seeing Fuuko’s face caving in, even if it’s just a visual metaphor, was extremely jarring and downright terrifying for a moment; this is a dude who’s punch killed a champion-level boxer, would Fuuko really be able to survive a sucker punch to the nose like that?

What’s really cool though is that even though she’s clearly shaken by Void’s intensity, Fuuko gets this huge grin on her face, like this is exactly what she wanted (which it is). Fuuko recognizes how big of a threat Void is, but she knows the only way to get through to him is to face him head on, so getting his attention and respect is a huge step forward

Void then tries to dissuade Fuuko from fighting him not because he’s out of her league, but because he’s out of her weight class; it’s not appropriate for someone like him to fight someone like her, so while he’s convinced that she’d be capable of fighting well based on her spirit, he’s understandably not willing to take on an opponent so far outside of regulation

He tries to tell Fuuko that they’re from different worlds, but Fuuko insists that they’re from the same world: Earth. This fits in really well with a point that I made a while ago, that both the Sun and Moon themselves are representatives of the Gods, so the Earth is representative of mankind. Dividing a sport into weight classes is a rule set in place for safety regulations, but as is customary for Undead Unluck, Rules are not meant to restrain personal freedoms, so loopholes like “I’m not a professional boxer, so weight class rules don’t apply to me” is perfectly reasonable logic

Void gets fired up and decides he’s ready to fight Fuuko, charging straight in while calling for the cameras to get shut off, while Fuuko herself insists that they keep rolling. I assume Void wanted to brawl and didn’t want the world seeing that, while Fuuko probably either wanted to build the world’s hype for the title match or was willing to use this moment in place of it. It doesn’t really matter what the motivations are, though, cus honestly that exchange is just really cool and leads into a fun confrontation

Fuuko ducks, but the hood stays behind and gets caught on Void’s fist. Void’s punch rips the hood right off, which is a little sad considering that he told Fuuko to treasure it, but that probably goes to show how much more Void values the thrill of the battle than the petty symbols of fame. Fuuko lands a body blow, impressing Void with her speed and quick decision time. The force of Void’s attack rattled her brain a bit though, so she bit her lip to force herself to remain conscious. Can you imagine if she took that blow? Probably would’ve knocked her block off

Void is so impressed that he decides to take Fuuko up on her offer, though he worries about the corporate sponsors; because the rest of the world’s opinion of her isn’t really a big deal and she already got Void’s approval, Fuuko doesn’t really mind brainwashing everyone else to be hyped by what they saw rather than rightly concerned about a deranged fan jumping a professional boxer and nearly getting her face punched in. It’s sad that with so much excitement from the crowd that they’re undoubtedly going to have their memories erased after everything is said and done, but honestly I would like it if the match is so fun for everyone that Fuuko decides to let the world remember Void as the fighter he is rather than take that glory away from him, but we’ll see in a chapter or two

Void thanks Fuuko for reminding him of the days in his youth where he fought for the sake of fighting, meeting all kinds of opponents rather than just the “approved” challengers. He recounts this phase of his life as being lucky, implying that he feels lucky to have met our resident bad-luck charm, a lovely sentiment despite his horrifying expression

Meanwhile, in the background, Gina is absolutely losing it having to watch Fuuko getting attacked; she doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo that Fuuko is literally here to fight the guy, and goes straight into making Unchanging hands and feet, presumably kicking off her shoes to get ready for battle in an instant. What’s really funny is that, thanks to Unchange, Gina is absolutely more than a match for Void, despite the fact that without it he’d probably tear her to pieces

Nico thinks that Fuuko’s attack didn’t phase Void, but we cut to Void with a big enough bruise on his gut that he actually needs to lean on the wall for a sec. He claims that the attack hit him from the inside out, which I believe is a move that’s more common in Asian martial arts than Western boxing. When I used to do tae kwon do, one of the sections of my black belt advancement test was to break the last board in a stack without breaking the previous two, which was NOT A THING THAT THEY’D TAUGHT ME BEFORE THAT POINT, SO I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY EXPECTED ME TO DO IT THEN! Hardly seems fair now that I think about it...but I digress. It’s not unreasonable for Fuuko’s move to disperse the force past Void’s muscles into his organs, though maybe it’s more fantastical than that and Fuuko has learned to use ki attacks by manipulating her soul? I don’t really mind either way, I’m just excited to see another facet of Fuuko’s growth as a fighter

I don’t remember if I brought it up in a previous week, but the idea that Fuuko’s first fight in a Quest is against Void is shockingly fitting since Void was actually the first Negator that she and Andy fought against in the beginning of the series. Sure, we’ve seen her fight and defeat Feng, but this is a Quest, the true starting line of her journey as the head of the Union; starting off by confronting an opponent she couldn’t even hope to face alone at the beginning of the story is a beautiful little bookend to lead into the final phase of the story

Actually, now that I think of it...this is being televised to the world, yeah? Undead Unluck is kind of like One Piece or Dragon Ball in that the events of one arc generally have connective tissue to the next; if the world sees Fuuko battling Void, then other Negators are going to see it too, aren’t they? This could well have far reaching implications for how she’ll meet Billy or Juiz, but I think that this would be a great time to get the message out to Andy that the Quests have begun. While it’s possible that we won’t see Andy joining the Union until Ragnarok approaches, I certainly don’t want to wait until the literal final battle for Andy and Fuuko to be reunited. They were apart so long during the Spring arc, and then they barely had any time back together in the Ruin arc before being separated by the Loop, I want to see my favorite couple god dammit!

Next week’s fight is shaping up to be real exciting, and like I said, I’m endeared to Void now after all this time, so even if it won’t be remembered in the context of the story, I’m sure this is going to be an iconic moment in the series going forward!

[graysongraysoff]

1 10 11 38 50 for the new year meme thing?

end of the year meme

sorry it took me so long to get to this!!! but here, have a long-ass look back at 2022:

1. first things first, did you have a good year?

abso-fucking-lutely. i still can’t believe all the good things that happened this year. i did what i did last year for this meme and went through my google photos to bring you the highlights:

first things first, i finally got to leave my shit-ass job (and, more importantly, my shit-ass boss) for a job that actually pays me what i’m fucking worth, can i get a hell yeah.

the jujutsu kaisen 0 movie came out in the u.s. and it was really good and they added in nanami’s black flash record just for meeeee even though it wasn’t in the manga. 🥰

with my new income i have been able to get more serious about collecting figures (nendoroids in particular!), which is an interest/impulse of mine i haven’t really been able to indulge basically since i was collecting pokemon cards as a little kid. i have always had a collector’s heart (like my father before me, who was collecting baseball cards while he was enabling my pokemon card addiction and who this year got into collecting hot wheels to scratch that same itch), but i have always had to really hold it down and exercise a lot of restraint for financial reasons, and it has genuinely been really nice and fun to have the kind of disposable income that has allowed me to really go for it, to the point where my tiktok is now pretty solely devoted to nendoroid unboxings and i have a fucking google spreadsheet where i keep track of my figure collection, the status of my preorders, my wishlists etc.

for the first time since the start of the pandemic i got to hang out with two of my dearest friends (MULTIPLE times each)!!!

i fucking watched naruto??? after my college bestie spent ten human years trying to get me to???? it was good i would die for rock lee?????

finally got my hair looking the way i actually wanted after several attempts, lol.

my sisters and my college bestie came into town to see bastille, because of course it wouldn’t have been the best year ever if it hadn’t included a bastille concert. :)

i finished an october writing challenge for i am pretty sure the first time ever??? and i did it all for one fandom, which i’ve never done. and i feel really good about it!!!

i turned 30!!!

I ADOPTED A CAT, SOMETHING I HAVE WANTED TO DO LITERALLY MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD

got caught up on the chainsaw man manga right before the show dropped, and both are EXTREMELY good.

in addition to my turning 30 in october my mom turned 60 in december, and as our birthday present to each other we went on a trip to nyc in november and went to see moulin rouge on broadway, and it was absolutely fantastic.

it hasn’t all been sunshine and rainbows, obviously; i think because everything else has been so good i’ve spent the year mentally and emotionally having a bit of a sexuality/romantic crisis. which, like, obviously it’s good that most of my life is going well enough that i have the bandwidth to start really digging into stuff like this, but i haven’t really hit upon any like closure or epiphany yet, and honestly stumbling back into fandom via jujutsu kaisen hasn’t helped this at all. i’ve felt worse about being ace this past year than i have since the “discourse” of 2016-2017, and genuinely i wish i could just, like, turn it off, lol. my therapist actually had to tell me a couple sessions ago that being ace isn’t a bad thing, because of the way i was talking about it/trying to find some kind of loophole where maybe i’m not ace, actually. in addition, my obgyn’s office has been giving me the runaround in a major way this year resulting in a lot of issues with my birth control which has affected me hormonally, so that’s been kind of a background thing, as well. but even with all that, this has definitely been one of the best years i’ve had in a long, long time.

10. what song sums up this year for you?

at the risk of making light of my last answer, “i love it when hot guys cry” by link lauren, lol.

11. what album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

probably the closest to qualifying for this title is give me the future, but idk if i’d say it’s been on heavy rotation. i’ve been listening to a lot of old music lately, unfortunately.

38. what was the best moment of the year for you?

bringing home yuji!!!!!!!

50. what do you wish for yourself?

i think what i want this year is to just continue detangling my sexuality/romantic orientation and its impact on my self-worth, and to find ways to engage with fandom that don’t make me feel like shit, lol. just really get my mental health under control so i can really enjoy all the good stuff i’ve got going on in my life while i’ve got it.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

i hope for a comfortable night at the end of your day (jan 07, 2022)

According to the Tumblr Year in Review thingie, I posted 236 times in 2022--and I didn't even make my account until March-ish! I should either celebrate or go touch grass. Joke's on you, though, because I pet plants all the time when I age-regress. Don't ask about the cactus experiences, please! /lh

OMGOMG LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT

My recent music obsession has been "La Loto" by Tini, Becky G, and Anitta! I can always trust Tini to come out with weirdly replayable songs, (ex: "Fantasi" and "22") and this is no exception. Becky G, especially, sounds great--her flow is a last-minute energy boost, full of unexpected vitriol, that makes me want to go back and see what she's been doing since "Shower" (which was THE middle school song btw). The beat squeaks under the pressure of their dominating presences, and I just feel so good about myself while listening to this one (and maybe, just maybe, pretending I could perform this track the way these three do).

Ily:1, my rookies of the year for 2022, just had a comeback! I did not know it was going to happen, but Spotify let me know the day of. Right now, "Secret Recipe" is taking up most of my attention--I don't mind their hyper-cutesy affectations here, because the chorus is just so precious. I'm sure I'll get around to listening to the title track, "Twinkle, Twinkle," again at some point, though!

I'm only two songs into the Moonbin & Sanha album (I KEEP TELLING Y'ALL I'M SLOW AND THIS IS WHAT I MEAN), but they're both fantastic, sleek and midnight-black in tone. The prechorus of "Madness" inexplicably reminds me of that one song, "Timber," that used to play at every middle school party, and, even more inexplicably, that makes "Madness" quite appealing to me. (Better than "Timber," anyway. That song could use a whole lot less Pitbull.)

Okay, I'll be done with talking about music for now--I'm mostly just catching up on 2021 songs right now, anyway! My brother got me to watch the recent Coffeezilla videos about Jake Paul, which were my introduction to the channel, so my recent YouTube life has mostly been a spiral into the depths of Coffeezilla's videography--I'm learning more than I ever wanted to know about manipulative sales tactics (the "Save the Kids" series, in particular, is fascinating)!

I'm also in the middle of Taejiu's "HIT is the best song you forgot about," only because I was reminded of "Miroh" by Stray Kids while watching and stopped to go listen to that and then couldn't stop listening to "Miroh" and then forgot to come back to finish the video. (Stray Kids does that to a guy!) As someone who has been trying to get into Seventeen for forever, this video is an exciting place to start--maybe I'll be able to check off the "get into astro and/or svt" bingo square only a few days into the new year!

Will I Do Anything Interesting Tomorrow?

I'm taking my youngest sibling out for ice cream--there's a place in our neighborhood that we used to visit all the time back when I lived at home, so I wanted to take them once before I leave the state again for college! Otherwise, I'll just be resting (hoping to get a nap in, since I missed out on naps for both Friday & today) from all the social events I've had in the past few days. I'm so happy to be able to see my friends from home after months of only texts and calls, but it's a lot of pressure for my already-not-great physical state :( I'll plan to spend most of the day curled up in bed, listening to audiobooks, to make up for all the energy expended!

Quote of the Day

Are you sure they're speaking German? Because I could have sworn I just heard them say "hamburger."

-- me

BUT UPDATE HAMBURGER IS ACTUALLY A WORD IN GERMAN

BUT ALSO THAT PERSON WAS JUST SPEAKING GIBBERISH IT WAS NOT ACTUALLY GERMAN

AND ALSO HAMBURGER IN GERMAN DOESN'T MEAN THE SAME THING AS HAMBURGER IN ENGLISH

SO

IDK THAT'S IT

photo journal excerpts

First, we have a pink sky through my car window! Pink is my favorite color :) Second is my cat in his little nest of toys, and third is a snake ring my family bought for me!

[invisiblefoxfire]

I used to be a superfan of a particular YouTube channel. I watched every episode over and over again. I signed up as their patron and paid them more than I could reasonably afford, an amount I had to budget for, so that I could watch their patron-exclusive live streams and hang out and chat with them. The channel was run by a couple of abled cis white guys, very privileged, but they were different! They were proof, to me, that the most privileged people can still be compassionate and make a difference in the world. They laughed at homophobes and transphobes. They told off people who left toxic comments. They talked endlessly about how empathy is the most important human trait. Every year they'd participate in a charity run to benefit a group helping disabled kids.

But their videos weren't subtitled. They were multiple people talking in very different accents over a noisy background, and I missed a lot of what they said. So during one livestream, when the guy I was watching had been bragging for ten solid minutes about how the money they were getting from patreon allowed them to rent and remodel a fancy new studio and buy all new equipment and make the best videos they could possibly make, I asked, hey, what about subtitles? A lot of your fans struggle to understand your videos without them. Like me. I miss a lot. Surely you can invest some of that money to commission some good subtitles?

His answer felt like a punch to the gut. They hadn't really looked into it despite regular comments from viewers asking for them, because it seemed like kind of a hassle. It'd be expensive, and they'd have to spend the time checking them and fixing them, and was it really worth it? He was pretty sure most people didn't need them anyway.

Shut up and go be disabled somewhere else. That's what I heard.

I thought, okay, maybe springing that on him during a live stream wasn't fair. I sent them a message directly (via patreon, where they could see how much money I was giving them), thanking them for being so thoughtful and considerate, for caring about people less privileged than themselves. I laid out in brief the reasons why subtitles are important and asked them to please try to prioritize them. That I appreciated that they raised money for a disability charity but this was something they could do directly for their fans. They never responded.

When a new series was released on their YouTube channel, the audio was so poorly mixed that I couldn't understand a word they said. While the video was still in patron-only early access, I left a comment saying please, if you won't put subtitles on the videos, can you at least be careful about the audio mixing? I can't understand anything and I won't be able to watch this series.

They hid the comment from public view.

Shut up and go be disabled somewhere else.

It's so easy to say you care. It's so easy to say everyone should care. And it's absolutely devastating how often it turns out that's all someone is willing to do. The moment it would take actual effort, suddenly it's weeeelll you know, we have limited time, we have a limited budget, we have to be efficient with our resources, we can't devote any energy for such a "small" portion of our fanbase, it wouldn't be fair to the rest of them. You're Asking Too Much. Hey, we do a charity fun run once a year and get our photos taken and get lots of praise and pats on the back for being Good People. Surely that's enough.

I dropped my patronage and stopped watching their videos. They won't even notice, I'm sure. But after all the love and promotion and money I'd given them, I feel like my heart is broken. They never cared. They were never different. And I'm so tired of that happening over and over again.

You know... I had an experience about two months ago that I didn't talk about publicly, but I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately and I guess I'm finally able to put my unease into words.

So there's a podcast I'd been enjoying and right after I got caught up, they announced that they were planning on doing a live show. It's gonna be near me and on the day before my birthday and I thought -- hey, it's fate.

But... as many of you know, I'm disabled. For me, getting to a show like that has a lot of steps. One of those steps involved emailing the podcasters to ask about accessibility for the venue.

The response I got back was very quick and very brief. Essentially, it told me to contact the venue because they had no idea if it was accessible or not.

It was a bucket of cold water, and I had a hard time articulating at the time quite why it was so disheartening, but... I think I get it a little more now.

This is a podcast that has loudly spoken about inclusivity and diversity and all that jazz, but... I mean, it's easy to say that, isn't it? But just talking the talk without walking the walk isn't enough. That's like saying "sure, we will happily welcome you in our house -- if you can figure out how to unlock the door."

And friends, my lock-picking set is pretty good by this point. I've been scouting out locations for decades. I've had to research every goddamn classroom, field trip, and assigned bookstore that I've ever had in an academic setting. I've had to research every movie theater, theme park, and menu for every outing with friends or dates. I spend a long time painstakingly charting out accessible public transportation and potential places to sit down every time I leave the house.

Because when I was in college, my professors never made sure their lesson plans were accessible. (And I often had to argue with them to get the subpar accommodations I got.) Because my friends don't always know to get movie tickets for the accessible rows. Because my dates sometimes leave me on fucking read when I ask if we can go to a restaurant that doesn't keep its restrooms down a flight of stairs.

I had one professor who ever did research to see if I could do all the coursework she had planned, and who came up with alternate plans when she realized that I could not. Only one. It was a medical history and ethics class, and my professor sounded bewildered as she realized how difficult it is to plan your life when you're disabled.

This woman was straight-up one of the most thoughtful, philosophical, and ethical professors I've ever had, one who was incredibly devoted to diversity and inclusion -- and she'd never thought about it before, that the hospital archives she wanted us to visit were up a flight of stairs. That the medical museum full of disabled bodies she wanted us to visit only had a code-locked back entrance and an old freight elevator for their disabled guests who were still breathing.

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? It's easy to theoretically accept the existence of people who aren't like you. It's a lot harder to actively create a space in which they can exist by your side.

Because here's what I did before I contacted the podcasters. I googled the venue. I researched the neighborhood and contacted a friend who lives in the area to help me figure out if there were any accessible public transportation routes near there. (There aren't.) I planned for over an hour to figure out how close I could get before I had to shell out for an uber for the last leg of the trip.

Then I read through the venue's website. I looked through their main pages, through their FAQs to see if there was any mention of accessibility. No dice. I download their packet for clients and find out that, while the base building is accessible, the way that chairs/tables are set up for individual functions can make it inaccessible. So it's really up to who's hosting the show there.

So then and only then I contacted the podcasters. I asked if the floor plan was accessible. I asked if all the seats were accessible, or only some, and whether it was open seating or not. Would I need to show up early to get an accessible seat, or maybe make a reservation?

And... well, I got the one-sentence reply back that I described above. And that... god, it was really disheartening. I realized that they never even asked if their venues were accessible when they were booking the shows. I realized that they were unwilling to put in the work to learn the answers to questions that disabled attendees might have. I realized that they didn't care to find out if the building was accessible.

They didn't know and they didn't care. That, I think, is what took the wind out of my sails when they emailed me back. It's what made me decide that... yeah, I didn't really want to go through the trouble of finding an accessible route to the venue. I didn't want to have to pay an arm and a leg to hire a car to take me the last part of the journey. I didn't want to make myself frantic trying to figure out if I could do all that and still make the last train home.

If they didn't care, I guess I didn't either.

If they'd apologized and said that the only venue they could get was inaccessible, I actually would have understood. I know that small shows don't always get their pick of venues. I get it. I even would have understood if they'd been like "oh dang, I actually don't know -- but I'll find out."

But to be told that they didn't know and didn't intend to find out... oof. That one stung.

Because.... this is the thing. This is the thing. I may be good at it by now, but I'm so tired of picking locks. I'm tired of doing all the legwork because no one ever thinks to help me. I'm tired of feeling like an afterthought at best, or at worst utterly unwelcome.

If you truly want to be inclusive, you need to stop telling people that you're happy to have them -- if they can manage to unlock the door. You need to fucking open it yourself and welcome them in.

What brought all this back to me now, you may be asking? Well... I guess it's just what I was thinking to myself as I was tidying up my phone.

Today I'm deleting podcasts.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[eyrieofsynapses]

Redemption Panel Highlights and Reactions

GATORS

i.e., Beth Riesgraf and Christian Kane (mostly Beth) talking about filming the scenes in (what I presume is) The Rollin’ on the River Job, where they’re pulling some stuff out of the water, and finding out the next day that there was an absolutely massive alligator pulled out of the same place just a little while after they filmed it

Beth’s impression of the wildlife folks warning them about the alligators

Beth scaring the hell out of Noah Wyle by yelling “GATOR” at him just after he finished his scene

seriously that was an absolutely WILD part of the panel

Everyone showering Aleyse Shannon with literally all the love!

Aldis Hodge in particular big-brothering her, and also the older actors calling her out for not giving herself enough credit, and Dean Devlin talking about how she blew him away at the auditions with her ability to turn on a dime

Seeing Kane with his glasses off wiping at his eyes, momentarily thinking “you okay dude?” and then realizing that he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes

(same)

The The Bucket Job clip! I’ve been a bit meh on a lot of Redemption, just in how it didn’t feel quite right, but that is possibly the absolute closest I’ve seen it get to the original in the best way. Brilliant

Which comes as no surprise since BETH RIESGRAF directed the episode!!! And apparently put an insane amount of effort in!

Beth’s utter delight and joy at both directing the episode and having the crew behind her

THE CHAIR

So apparently she and Christian went to town on the fight scene and he winds up tied up in a chair somewhere along the line and there’s a whole wild scene, which I am really looking forward to

Beth knowing how insanely particular he’d be about things like zip ties vs rope and what kind of rope e.t.c. e.t.c.

Apparently this is also tied into a VERY DEEP scene with Eliot? It sounds like they’re going to go super hard on his backstory, which is terrifyingly exciting

Just. Beth and Christian going very hard on that episode together

Speaking of: the panel’s going amazingly, I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts, things are relatively light, and then, of fucking course—

Kane hitting us over the head about Eliot being a mass murderer who can’t be redeemed, is trying to stay static so that he can maintain the place he’s in, and is thus LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HARRY

What the FUCK. This is of course incredibly insightful and perfectly on point (because it’s Kane) but also, EXCUSE ME, OUCH, why would you DO THAT to us?

Everyone talking about having their families on set and their kids!

Beth’s son growing up on the original Leverage set and now going into being a director himself!

Gina’s daughter also growing up on set!

Noah Wyle’s daughter is playing Harry’s daughter I REPEAT NOAH WYLE’S ACTUAL DAUGHTER IS PLAYING AS HARRY’S DAUGHTER

Gina Bellman remaining relatively stoic throughout much of the panel (seriously, this woman, how the heck does she do it) and then losing it when they’re asked about running/inside jokes

A lot of them are, of course, apparently not appropriate to be spoken on-panel

(A lot of the others are the little inside ones that are special enough not to be ones they want to share, which is sweet!)

Everyone collectively losing it over having LeVar Burton on for The Bucket Job

Devlin and everyone laughing about collecting the various Star Trek people on Leverage

Beth talking about Burton coming over while she’s getting ready and asking her if she’s living on coffee and water, her laughing because he was absolutely right, and then him gently reminding her to remember to eat, which is the sweetest thing in the world oh my gods

Kane apparently choreographing an intense scene with Burton and being scared out of his mind, because Burton really wanted to go for it, but to Kane it was like he’s a figurine that’s not to be messed with because he was so worried about hurting him

Kane choreographing a massive amount of the show, which I knew already, but seriously, this guy blows me away

Gina and the crew talking about how he’d be away for a day of shooting a fight and all of them would be missing him and thinking about him

Family Vibes

Everyone talking about how they’re very noisy and loud together on set and it’s a bit like walking into a group of people having Christmas dinner (or something to that effect) because they’re just Like That together

Aleyse being the most surprised by Beth when she met her because she was like a little angel of light during the auditions but turned out to be an absolute ball of wild energy on set

Gina going “wait you were a MODEL” at Beth

Aldis talking about how much he loved how Parker and Hardison’s relationship had developed and grown!

Also, Aldis apologizing when the New York (iirc) background noise got loud and everyone going “no no we get you”

His outfit is ON POINT today

Gina saying that Christian is the goofiest and wildest out of them in terms of humor

(she goes “some of you may not know this,” which, fair, but also, if you’ve seen more than ten minutes of this guy outside of character you know he’s an absolute ball of sunshine)

Gina, Beth, and Christian talking about how they’d challenge each other to stay off sweets back on the original set, because they knew they needed to stay in shape and also just because they’re competitive (apparently all of them are major sweet tooths) and hide brownies and things from each other, while Aldis is just. doing pushups. eating all the healthy stuff. and then wanders into the room with a literal cupful of chocolates

(and Aldis going “well yeah I have to work off the sweets SOMEHOW”)

Beth explaining that sometimes they’d order a “Kane burrito” from Christian and he’d alter it slightly

Like, you know, chopping up hot jalapenos super fine and mixing them in, and Beth practically not being able to talk after the first bite

Apparently Aldis still went back a lot even after that

(Christian just seems very pleased with himself over it)

(THESE PEOPLE)

Gina goes “hey we should have an episode where we all swap roles,” Devlin going “WAIT FOR SEASON ONE TO BE DONE,” and then somebody (maybe the moderator?? I don’t remember exactly) going “uh actually. We did that”

Cue immediate scramble of “WAIT WHICH JOB WAS THAT”

(paraphrasing) “Yeah you remember the bit where you put on Parker’s harness and went off a building?”

Turns out half the cast had actually forgotten that that existed and only remember when reminded

The original cast all think of the episodes as “jobs”!!!!

Everyone talking over each other, Devlin going “it was with Sterling when we blew up the offices,” deciding that it was the season one finale, and then trying to figure out what episode title it was (eventually they figure out it’s the David jobs)

Moderator and Devlin accurately commenting that the fans know the show much better than they do

Noah Wyle very correctly explaining how Electric Entertainment is like a family and Devlin just. Keeps people

Aleyse and Aldis talking about typing when they’re hacking and going “WHAT THE HECK DO WE TYPE”

Aldis goes “yeah I just type all the bad words that we’re not allowed to say”

Aleyse saying that she’s always a little worried they’re hiding a Word document behind the blue screen and they’re going to pull up what she’s typing at the end of the day and print it out and put it in her trailer going “what the HECK is this”

Noah talking about filming The Golf Job and just getting to direct Jason Marsters and Christian together

Apparently their dynamic in that episode accurately mirrors the one with their characters in Angel!

Which promptly goes straight to the comment that it was very hard to make Marsters look like a golfer (pfft)

(Also apparently Christian plays golf for fun with his friends? Not necessarily something I would’ve thought of!)

Aleyse happily talking about how she loved the dynamic on set and it was very different from what she was used to

Also Aleyse talking about doing stunts and everyone else praising her for going whole hog

Beth especially praising her for the bit where she’s hit with the paralysis injection (I don’t remember which ep it’s from) and her acting for it, because it was incredibly hard to drop off screen in the particular way she did

Aleyse promptly answers that she was terrified with some of those, especially one where she had to keep a clock from falling and breaking

Everyone discussing how they see a new aspect of Breanna’s character in The Train Job

Also, to get serious for a moment, Kate Rorick in particular talks about how Breanna’s part of Gen Z and how we didn’t get the “days of yore” where everything was chill. We’ve basically been living in a world of hostility the whole time. It’s something I deeply appreciate, as someone who’s part of that group, and I love how they emphasize that for us.

This panel was pure chaos and I loved every moment of it! My stomach was actually hurting from laughing so hard, I swear. They had me cackling well over half the time. I would happily take panels double or triple the length of this, this was amazing. I also adore how the second you drop these six people in a room together, they immediately take off and literally just run and give you everything you wanted and more. (It is also evidently very hard to get them to STOP talking.)

I’m also just going to stop and take a second to fawn over the effects for the 3D room. It’s gorgeous—I love how they replicated the headquarters, especially with the stained glass ceilings! Super impressive, especially with all the photos, and I just love the whole thing. Kudos to whoever put that together.

Anyway, I’m definitely missing some stuff too; seriously, there wasn’t a second wasted in this thing, they were cracking some kind of joke or dropping some really interesting piece of information practically every thirty seconds. (And I haven’t even gotten into the clips OR the bloopers. I miiiight do a separate reaction purely for those.) It’s still up right now if you missed it and you want to watch it! I’ll probably watch it again, honestly.

[thecosmonautical]

Stalin was making fake photographic propaganda in the 50s. You know that photo of handsome stalin that is floating around everywhere and every time someone sees it they go wow hes hot whodathunk? Hell I think it was in my textbook even. That photo is manipulated to hide his smallpox scars and people still fall for it everyday. The reason it works is because, for most people, its the only photo of young Stalin they'll ever see.

Another example of an even earlier case is Billy the Kid. The only photographic evidence we had for a long time for what he looked like? This one

And he looks like shit, just butt ugly. But a lot of statements from people who knew him said that he was actually handsome, charming and well liked. Many people today looked at this photo and assumed that he was an ugly guy and dismissed the other evidence from the time.

Then we found another one. This one

Billy is second from the left and you know what he's actually not bad looking. The first one was just damaged and had terrible lighting, it wasn't even deliberately manipulated, just kinda shit.

The problem isn't that people didn't notice the problems with these photos, the problem is that they drew conclusions based on a single point of data. It isn't about the quality or trustworthiness of any particular piece of evidence its about variety.

The best way to keep your head isn't to start counting teeth and fingers. Its to find as many different types and sources of evidence as possible and compare and contrast that evidence. There's no point learning how to spot fakes because eventually they'll get it right and you won't be able to tell the difference.

AI generated images aren't going to drastically change the way you interact with the world, they're the latest in the progaganda arms race.

We've known that photos and video can be manipulated, staged and cropped for a long time and we can adjust our standards accordingly. If you think that AI has changed anything in terms of your responsibility as a member of a very complicated society to remain sceptical and not accept information at face value then you haven't been paying attention because you should have already been doing that.

Once the bugs get ironed out, AI Image Generation will forever change propaganda and how easy it is to make and distribute.

[little-puku]

More kids for the au I am making!! this time a girl named Hazel!

more of her under the cut:

Hazel is a very peppy girl, loves the color pink, romance stories and helping those around her, she is from the Galar region

She gets along with all the other kids but she is like a “big sister” to Rosie

Before falling in Hisui she was a huge fan of the Gigantamax and Dynamax Pokémon, but because of memory loss, she doesn't remember why she knows about these GIGANTIC Pokémons that are not Alphas but bigger than those. Because of that she aways share that info to those she knows mighty find it important

She and Melli get along pretty well, the reason is she admires Melli quite a lot and in some way he reminder him to the things she was able to do with her brother (even tho she doesn't remember her brother’s name and he has a complete different personality from Melli, she remember the things she used to do with him) 

Melli actually cares deeply for her but he just doesn't want people to know that the Great Melli cares for someone specially a kid!! but Hazel actually knows about it (which she loves and find it cute), she keeps it as a secret tho to “protect” the Great Melli’s “reputation”

She loves taking photos with her friends so when she asked Melli to get one and he told her that getting a picture with him will grant her protections she was way more excited about it. 

She took the photo with him, Rosie and Skuntank. Even if it was real or not to what Melli told her is her favorite picture since is with both of her best friends

She has a full album of photos of her and her friends, is her most precious item right now

Hazel loves cute Pokemon but she believes that any Pokemon can be cute so is a very “weird” concept to what is actually cute to her, since she believes that any Pokemon can be pretty, strong and cute

Because she is from Galar and remember cooking curry with her brother a lot in the wild she is always trying to cook it to everyone, she has even been trying to teach Beni how to do it

She tells Beni that other important step is to add a secret ingredient, to which Beni ask “what kind of secret ingredient?” for Beni surprise the secret ingredient can be anything he can imagine, from sweet, to cream, to potato mochi! it can be anything!! but most importantly always put love while making the curry 

Hazel and Melli spend a lot of time together when she is not doing surveys corps job, because of that Melli has given her a “special mission” to be his “assistant” since Melli knows a particular couple has feeling for each other (Warden Ingo and Sugi) and the Great Melli needs to help them, he always is giving Hazel crazy ideas how to set them up in “romantic situations” (he actually does it to entertain himself but he admires Hazel determination and the excitement she has for the tiny lil tasks he gives her)  

She has a lot of conflict when she get anxious about if she will be able to go back and remember what she lost, her family and all that, but at the same time she doesn't want to leave Hisui because she doesn't want to leave Melli behind and the new friends she has meet there. 

She is also afraid that once she returns home none of the other fallen kids she has made friends with can keep as close as they are now (they assure her that no matter where they are or the distance they will be always be together and friends)

She is pretty good at making super effective Potion and healing items because of that she has taken the responsibility to make a lot for everyone so no one gets injured in the wild

Since Hazel love romantic things a lot, she considers herself “an expert” she knows who has feeling for who

Because of that, she and the other kids play “house” when they are bored, Hazel has created a whole different story every time they play and each one been more dramatic than the last one, sometimes some of the adults or Akari and Rei are involved depending of what they will do and what drama the story will have 

[davyjoneslockr]

giorno with 18, 22, 11, 2

(For this ask game)

18: Winter

(CW: Discussions of child neglect/abuse)

Giorno feels powerless in the winter. In a literal sense, sure, because many of his creations, plants especially, aren't adapted to thrive in extreme cold. He has to get creative when using his stand outdoors during winter months.

The real root of this feeling, though, comes from his childhood. Even with the neglect and loneliness he experienced as a kid, he was at least able to find some solace among all the life sprouting in spring and summer - the flowers, trees, bugs, and any little animals roaming the city. During the winter, though, all of these things would disappear, or go dormant. When his mother and stepfather would leave him alone at night, they'd often forget to turn on the heat, leaving him desperately trying to stay warm with the few blankets and layers of clothing he owned. On a few occasions, they'd lock him out of the house overnight - either due to neglect, or to teach him a lesson - and the instance (or instances) of this happening in the winter were painful and terrifying.

So, when he gets older, he's always insistent on keeping the heat cranked up, and has several blankets on his bed, laid over his living room couches, and folded in linen closets. The others poke fun at him for turning his house into a sauna at the first mention of snow on the weather forecast, but he'd rather be safe than sorry.

22: Family

If you ask Giorno, he'll claim he gave up on the concept of "family" at a young age. This isn't really true, though.

Sure, he knew plainly well that his mother and stepfather never loved him, and he never loved them back. As a child, though, he'd often daydream about the man in the polaroid he took from his mom - his father, she claimed. He never really knew anything about him, and, to most kids, the photo would make him look pretty creepy, but Giorno always imagined him coming to take him away from his mother. They'd live in a big house, and get gelato every weekend, and he'd listen to all of Giorno's observations about insects he'd find in the lawn without telling him to shut up and go away.

Of course, that never happened, and Giorno only took one lesson from it: to never dream of things that can't come true.

11: Best Friend and 2: Hate

Okay, I saw these and knew I had to combine them. Also kinda includes elements of family. Bear with me.

Friendship was another thing Giorno had long since given up on - that is, until he met Bucciarati's gang, and, in particular, Mista.

He's perplexed by all of them, for different reasons. Bucciarati's selfless and compassionate in a way a man in his position should never be. Narancia's at once cloyingly childish and scarily good at what he does. Abbacchio holds a grudge he refuses to explain. Fugo... well, Fugo sends his mind in spirals for a different reason.

Mista's perhaps the most confusing of them all, though. He wants to write him off as an idiot, with his strange superstitions and recklessness - in throwing himself at enemies, in pulling risky maneuvers, in caring for others. But then again, isn't he quite reckless, too? To his surprise, they work extremely well together, for that exact reason. Almost immediately, Mista tries taking Giorno under his wing, and, before he knows what's happening, Mista's calling him his little brother, and Giorno finds himself liking that idea, actually. Maybe even looking up to him, in a way.

But he has to remind himself that he's not here to make friends. He has a dream to achieve, and Mista, like the rest of them, is just a means to an end. He tells himself that, over and over, and grows frustrated at how hard it is to believe it, after he's come so far.

The dream, in the end, does cost a lot. Fugo runs away, and, though Trish is with them, she's even more of a newcomer than he is. There's the slightest degree of separation there. So, in the end, it feels like it's just him and Mista watching everything fall apart.

Or, maybe, it's him destroying Mista, slowly, gradually. It's how Mista sees it, certainly, when he's aiming a gun at his forehead, the blood of Abbacchio, Narancia, and Bucciarati still fresh on his mind. All concepts of friendship, of family, are gone. Instead, in far too many words, tears staining Mista's face, and three misaimed gunshots, he says, "it's your fault," and, furthermore, "I hate you."

Things change in the years following. Fugo comes back, and Mista forgives him, and Giorno falls in love again. Mista eventually comes to forgive Giorno, too, and they're civil, polite, meet for coffee every now and then. But they're never brothers again. Never best friends, even.

Mista never falls in love again after Narancia dies. He says his soulmate, the person meant to fill that space as a romantic partner, has come and gone, and it doesn't feel right to force someone else into that open void. In much the same way, Giorno resigns himself to the fact that he doesn't have a best friend, and never will. He did, briefly, but he's long since ruined it. He doesn't love Mista in the same way he loves Fugo (he shudders at the thought), but, in different ways, they're two of his biggest heartbreaks. But Fugo, he was able to resolve, fix the part of his heart that'd been split. Mista, he doesn't. Can't, after the way he treated him. It's one of his biggest regrets.

(Okay enough angst. In an everyone lives AU he and Mista are besties and buy atrocious clothing together and ding-dong-ditch their mafia rivals. Found family brothers Giorno and Mista supremacy.)

[meduseld]

your last au has me going through it 😭💔 does nick tell isaiah anything about ziggy? also is isaiah more like his mom or his dad? or both maybe? im sure its heartbreaking either way! ❤️

It has me going through it too (and work has been bonkers so yay, finally able to answer ur ask!)

I think Nick does, in vague terms, but always complimentary. Never a bad word. "I loved your mother and she loved you" "She was brave and bold and smart" and "Your mother would be proud". Isaiah catches on fairly early on that his mom is a) not dead b) his father is still in love with her and b) she wasn't married to his dad and that all that is ~hot gossip~ but he doesn't push it bc he loves his dad and thinks this would be hurtful, but also would be a bit afraid of the answers too. [Town ladies talk, and plenty tired to leverage "the boy needs a mother" into being a stepmom married to the most important man in town but Nick rebuffed them all bc he's still evidently in Love with Ziggy. So they talk shit about her too and Isaiah is a good listener, good at being unnoticed when it suits him].

Nick probably scrounged up photos of Ziggy too, to give to Isaiah, which he keeps on his nightstand. Nick was *truly* bowled over by the love he feels for his child, he's the first Goode man to actually love and care for his son as a person and son and not a Pact necessary inheritance/failsafe. Which while great and motivating and fulfilling, also hammered home how little his dad cared for him as a person and how morally bankrupt he really was. Nick is sweating the Pact because he loves his son and wants to save Isaiah's soul and future and doesn't want him tainted by this. See Satan thought that accepting Isaiah as Ziggy's "sacrifice" to be allowed to leave Sunnyvale meant that it would effectively baby trap Nick into the Pact because the Heir is Right There and he can't leave because of the Pact, it really brought home to Nick that he would do anything to save Isaiah from that fate *and* allowed Ziggy to gear up a return that ends the Pact and does save Isaiah.

I think that Isaiah, like a lot of kids, has both the best and the worst of his parents in him. He's strong and smart and brave. And like them, laser focused and committed. Which is great when it comes to goals, less so when he decides you've wronged him and are getting Revenged. On the surface he does seem a lot like Nick, since that's who raised him, Sunnyvale polite, but he's never been Will or Sheila style. He's quiet and studious and very very observant. That comes from some of Nick's not great traits: despite trying to be better, a lifetime of isolationist secrecy rubs off and Isaiah gets fast that there's a lot Not Being Talked about and all about Nick's extreme idea of discretion and the particular Goode family Omerta. So he's likeable, and has friends, but they are shallow bonds. No sleepovers, he would never dream of it and Nick wouldn't let it happen either. But he's very very good and getting and gathering information, listening at keyholes, going unnoticed to spy and because of that slyly manipulative to get the info and results he wants. People don't notice, except maybe Nick. He's the nice popular guy, the one you wish you hated but ugh no he's sweet, but again he doesn't do deep bonds and if he feels you deserve comeuppance he makes sure you get it....... and that no one ever knows Isaiah is behind it. That laser focused dedication again. He seems like the typical carefree handsome straight A class president who is friends with everybody, but underneath he is tightly controlled and calculated, aware of everything and keenly insightful, and faaaaaaaar more anxious than he seems. It's a very Batman and Bruce Wayne situation, in fact probably what Bruce would have been if his parents lived, by putting on the expected persona of the wealthy scion of the elite that totally isn't weird or into Stephen King or constantly freaking out. Just like Bruce Wayne is himself neuroatypical and probably mentally ill, which is hard to tell with the personas and drives he has built, Isaiah has a LOT of generational/genetic curses (not just the Satan bit that still has some influence but addiction issues on the Berman side and the health consequences of longterm stress marginalization and poverty that we know are passed down from mother to child. Trauma lasts ages and both his parents have that and generations of terrible parenting to get them there).

He's also got that Berman passion and tension, so on the outside he and his dad seem ultra tight and agreeing, and while they are super close, they clash a lot behind closed doors (very, YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, GAWD DAD YOU ARE SO ANNOYING style, not like actual fights. Bratty teen stuff). And while he does follow Nick's lead on propriety and such, he has Ziggy's laugh and smile, and sometimes he'll make a gesture that's so Ziggy that Nick needs to catch his breath from the way it hits him so hard. The first time he laughed, not a baby laugh but when it was his distinct laugh, Nick heard Ziggy and almost cried.

[asgardian--angels]

Hi, another entomologist/science communicator here! I second all of this. Exposure is the best thing you can do, as well as reading up on them. We are lucky in just the past few years here in the US to finally have some bee & wasp guides published for the public!

I highly recommend 'Wasps' by Heather Holm:

This is such a game-changer for just, getting the public more accustomed to wasps as a diverse, fascinating, and beautiful group of animals. This book, (and her website) is full of big color photos of wasps, profiles on their biology, the flowers they like, all sorts of things you can use to learn about them and start differentiating the big scary category of WASPS into individual, unique species, each with their own lifestyles and roles in their ecosystems. She also has a few more really great books on native bees and plant-pollinator relationships.

I do with kids, and adults, what is suggested above - I get a bee in the hand, which shocks and amazes everyone no matter the age. I get lots of questions about why it isn't stinging me, how do I know which bees are safe to hold, etc. Part of it is 'I'm a professional' because explaining how to ID and sex bees on a species by species basis is too much for a layperson setting, but I try to explain some basics like 'no male bees can sting!' and 'even the bees that can sting really don't want to'. It's pretty hard to get a bee to sting you unless you're manhandling it, and even then, we have a surprising amount of native bees that cannot effectively sting (Andrena, in particular, but also Melitta, Calliopsis, and probably others). If they're scared to touch a bee on their own, or don't feel qualified, that's where I come in. By bringing the bee to them, I try to give them a safer environment to be curious, knowing that some variables like 'is this a stinging bee?' or 'will it get away and fly at me?' are removed from the equation. I hold the bee, they touch it. Some people scream and run away, but at least they touched it. That's progress.

I also have devoted years of my life to photographing insects and using those photos in talks, outreach materials, interpretive signage - so many people, probably most people, have not ever purposefully looked at an insect up close, or have been able to look as close as a macro photo can bring them. By making these insects larger than life, it's a gateway to the giant world of little creatures that is right outside everyone's door. They too can experience that beauty, that they probably would have never sought out, or knew existed because they never looked close enough to appreciate it. Good macro photos of insects can be life-changing and perspective-altering.

In my experience, it's usually not enough to just tell people the important functions that these 'scary' animals have in nature; facts do not override the instinctual emotional response that has been ingrained in them from childhood, whether from their parents or from society at large. You have to bring the bug to them, and get them to slow down and just see the insect. Exist in the same time and place as them even for just 10 seconds. If all you do when you see an insect is try and get away from it, or kill it, you are not providing yourself with a space to explore your fear or your curiosity, a moment to contemplate its beauty or why it is doing what it's doing, if it's even doing anything at all. You're just feeding that confirmation bias. Insects seem like chaotic, unpredictable creatures, or robots, or malicious, if you never take the time to actually see them as living, conscious animals with reasonable behaviors and specific lifestyles that inform those behaviors. You have to break that cycle, and let yourself sit with insects. Maybe that starts with a field guide, maybe it starts at an insect festival or event put on by a local nature center or university, where trained professionals have insects there for you to see or touch. Maybe it starts in your yard. But please, start somewhere. The world becomes a more beautiful, interesting, and friendly place when you can love insects.

Any advice for people looking to get over their fear of incests? Especially flying venomous ones that sometimes chase people (horse flies for example)

I'm going to quote something I said earlier(though it was wasp-specific), because I think it still holds, and add a little bit to it after

Honestly? Just exposure I think I’ve said this before, but I highly recommend just… looking at them. Photos to start, since bothering wasps in the flesh probably won’t be fun for either your or the wasp. Look at images of them, how many of them there are, how colorful and varied their appearances are. Look at them living their lives, pollinating, building nests, feeding their young, eating pieces of fruit. Get used to them. Realize they’re just… animals. Doing their thing. Take note of the ones that you think are particularly cool or interesting or fun, and maybe research those species in specific. Here’s a link to where you can view every wasp observation on iNaturalist(link provided because it took a little url trickery to filter out other hymenopterans). You can even filter for your local area to see which ones live around you, and from there you can search the names and learn about your own local wasp populations. I’d also recommend just being aware of wasps while outside. Partially because most stings happen because people weren’t paying attention, missed clear warnings from the wasps, and got to close to them/their nest/etc. Wasps don’t want to hurt you, and if you learn to pay attention to them and respect their boundaries, they won’t. I’ve never been stung despite habitually getting within centimeters of wasps to take photographs, because I keep this in mind

Another thing to do is try to interrogate *why* you feel a fear response towards bugs. Like what freaks you out? Are you worried they'll hurt you? Learn about the bugs around you, which ones are venomous or medically significant. I used to be kind of afraid of spiders, because I knew that some in my area were medically significant, but not which ones or how they looked, so I was just afraid any spider could seriously hurt me and I'd never know. Once I learned about spiders, which ones were dangerous, where they lived, what would make them bite me(not much, most bugs don't want to get involved with people. awareness and respect helps so much), I was a lot less afraid because it removed a lot of unknowns from the situation.

As for bugs that chase you, I mean I think its natural to be startled or annoyed at them, and I'm not gonna pretend I haven't gone "eep!" and swatted at a bug as an instinctual response. But if its a true like, "this completely freaks me out" fear instead of just startling and annoyance, then the interrogation of why and desensitization I think would help.

Here's a link to do my level best to include all bugs, including spiders (Its basically arachnids + hexapods + myriapods +isopods to filter out crabs and such lmao)