#This took so long to finish bc I procrastinated a lot and it's been a REALLY long while since I last rendered something

[lovinglin]

Happy 3 Years Anniversary to PicoLara 💚🩷

The annual redraw of this piece is finally here!! Better late than never HSJAHSJAHS 🥹 it's no longer their actual big day once I'm posting this but it's alright 🫶 picolara day is everyday in my heart hehe

Bonus redraws under the cut 🙏

Gotta have the besties "supporting" them ofc‼️ /lh

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[fitgothgirl]

I haven't been writing/journaling here lately despite wanting to; this is supposed to be a personal blog lol. The ADHD not-right-now response has been rough lately. So many things I haven't been doing despite my intent. I didn't even text my mom on Thanksgiving... We're estranged and have our issues and all but that's still a pretty big deal. I'm sure she's crushed but she hasn't said anything bc my general communication problems aren't new (especially when compounded with our issues). I'm going to need to apologize/explain when I text her for Christmas though. I know she understands but still.

Anyway, I'm behind in replies to a good chunk of other people too. Also just things I want to do I keep putting off. I had a good period of time where I was more successful in working through/overcoming this feeling, and even feeling it less often. But it's become a struggle again. I feel like getting on Wellbutrin a little over two years ago was part of what helped a lot, but its benefits seem to have been gradually waning.

At my last appt with my psychiatrist before I lost my health insurance bc I had gotten fired, he took the evidence of me losing my job as a reason to reconsider stimulant medication, as he didn't realize ADHD was having that much effect on my life (i.e. making a lot of mistakes at work/missing details). But I wasn't going be able to see him again for that exact reason so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Kinda sucks to know that but I still liked him and would go back to him if I could; however I'm officially starting Kaiser next year (ugh) and he was through a PPO (sorry non USAers lol) so it's moot. Anyway, whoever I end up seeing in the near future for at least my current meds can maybe explore that route with me.

I said this is supposed to be a personal blog, but it's also supposed to largely focus on my fitness/wellness, which I haven't been bringing up at all really lately. I reblog stuff like that but most of my posts lately are about totally random things lol. I always intend to post my workouts or thoughts/plans to do with my health, and then I just. don't. 🙃

Good things though: still getting to the gym with decent consistency. Just cracked open my bujo a few days ago after months and prepped it for January. I'm back to cat-sitting and have a good chunk of reservations over the holiday (contributing to my needs for a bujo), and the money from that will be a lifesaver. Finally watched a summary video of the most recent book I read of a series, since it's been like a year and I've been really wanting to finish the trilogy (it's The Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson - of his stuff, I've only read Elantris and the first two books of this trilogy. I'm a newbie to the fandom and really wanting to catch up at least a little! But my close friend is a bibliophile and a hardcore BrandoSando fan). Cleaned up around the house a few times and got to a few clutter corners in my room when the inspiration randomly struck. So yeah, not doing nothing at least.

Physical health-wise, besides getting to the gym 2-3 times a week for lifting, I've been trying to get in more cardio. I did a couple home workouts from this youtube channel I really used to like, but I had planned to do it other times too and it kept falling through. But I remembered in the past having liked doing the stair climber after lifting at the gym so I've been trying that again instead; I think this just works better for me so I'm going to try to keep it going. I just like being at the gym, and when I'm trying to do something at home I keep putting it off. Also I like how it's pretty akin to hiking. But yeah, overall cardio's been a bit of a struggle. I've had some times where I tried to prioritize cardio over lifting but kept procrastinating and ended up doing neither and that's definitely not what ya want.

Also it's been a long time but I'm starting to try to log my food in MyFitnessPal again; not even for weight loss necessarily but I just feel like I've been kind of losing sight of what I'm eating/how much and I need a little refocus. I've been busier and running around more lately and that always messes with meals, plus I've been getting meals at work (which aren't necessarily bad/unhealthy/high calorie, but it's just another new variable).

Last few workouts! Still doing my three day split of back & biceps, chest/shoulders/triceps, and legs/glutes & abs.

[hualianisms]

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

✄ what’s your editing process?

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

tysm for the ask!! 🩵🩵 be prepared for a lot of yapping

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

easiest fic: this is a bit of a hard qn bc ive written 58 fics so far through the years and i forgot half the things i wrote kfjjfj but id say, the easiest was probably my first ever real fic, i.e. this hualian hurt/comfort fic where hc has a nightmare of the 100 swords scene. it was the first thing i wrote right after finishing reading tgcf and i wrote it all in one go and the dialogue & actions & characterization flowed so easily, i could picture the scene so easily in my head (which doesn't always happen for me). and writing hualian felt like the easiest thing in the world bc back in 2020 every little detail about them as characters and as a ship was imprinted in my mind so vividly... i miss those days 😔 my memory abilities have deteriorated since then

otherwise, iirc my first ever fengqing fic and my fenglian poem were also very easy to write

hardest fic: 😭😭 this could be so many of my fics tbh, there's so many i struggle so much with.. especially the unfinished wips, bc everything i actually posted means it wasn't the hardest, since i actually managed to finish them

but among my posted wips, i definitely struggled with the earlier chapters of my hualian fake dating au very badly at the earlier chapters and almost gave up on it which was why there was a 1-2 year gap btwn updates 😭😭 i actually went into a 1-2 year long burnout right after posting chap 1. luckily though, the most recent chapters got much better for me, finally reached a part of the story that's much easier and more fun to write (except that i wrote myself into a bit of a corner so ive been brainstorming how to get out of it). i just struggle a lot with multichaps bc my executive dysfunction issues make it very overwhelming for me to plot things. but im very determined to see this fic through to the end and finish my first ever multichap!

there's a lot more i struggled with - usually longer fics, fics for a new fandom (especially visual media fandoms. book/text-based fandoms are much easier bc you already have a canon peek into their character voice and narration style), non-canon ships that need a lot of wrangling to be believable, fics where i worry a lot about being ooc, fics that need action scenes or a real plot

the rest of the qns answered under the cut:

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?:

😭 it depends on why im stuck. i might ask someone for help w characterization. sometimes i just go for a jog/walk to clear my head and it works, otherwise if im rly stuck, especially plot-wise, I'll procrastinate and put the fic off for weeks/months

✄ what’s your editing process?

just rereading my own draft and rewriting or filling in the blanks where i feel like it can be better or is missing smth. i don't cut scenes often unless they're really bad. sometimes i rearrange entire paragraphs around to make them flow better

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

this is an apt question bc i have 2 anon fics rn and had a few in the past that i took off anon a couple of years later.. i think the easiest way to tell is my authors' notes. in both start & end notes i tend to yap + i usually apologize a lot in the start notes

besides that maybe fic titles (mitski). i think the genres and writing tone/vibe through my 50+ fics have varied a lot so i don't think that would be distinctive.. id be interested to hear if my writing style is distinctive bc i have no idea myself 🤔 i know i have some phrases i reuse across fics though (trying to work on that issue), and a bad habit of having long sentences sometimes (ive really been working on reducing this issue)

(send me an ask from the fic ask game part 1 or the fic ask game part 2)

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Christmas with the Uppermoons 🌲 (Chaos with the Uppermoons)

Theme: SILLYNESS

Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE IN DECEMBER (or like happy random normal day of the week if nothing-)!!!

Anyways, here's the ships!: DouKaza, NakiDaki, KokuZan, KaiGyu (we'll pretend they're both alive at the same time), Gyokko x the christmas lights, Hantengu x ...air?? (idk I never write either of Gyokko or Hantengu LMAO.....) 

Ages brought closer together for KaiGyu and NakiDaki for obv reasons

Alright, let's see if I can finish this before the day of christmas <33 

Started: November 6th

Finished: (with a lot of procrastination) Dec. 24 (help)

Every year, on December 25th, the Uppermoons had a Christmas party. Which was ironic because, of all people, Muzan was the one that made them do it. Yes, Muzan. 

For some reason that none of the Uppermoons knew, Muzan had taken a liking into this human, Christian (i'm not even christian but i do christmas bc yes..) holiday and.. made his demons celebrate it. 

So now, like the past 500 years, they were readying for the holiday once again. 

This was the one day that they never went out on missions to kill. And the one day the Demon Slayers had a break. 

All of the Uppermoon's food would be stored up from a week before till now simply so they didn't need to go out and get their food on Christmas. This was, again, Muzan's idea.

Now this year was different, somehow. Different because, well, Muzan had a boyfriend. And he'd been rather keen on being a good one back, given that none of his relationships had been... successful. So, he had bought... a large amount of the most random gifts ever just to please Kokushibo (and if it wasn't obvious, Kokushibo is his boyfriend). 

And Muzan was attempting to be the matchmaker for his Uppermoons because they were so fucking oblivious!! (Like he wasn't as well.. It took him so long to realize Kokushibo liked him back and he could literally read his mind).

Muzan was pissed, though. Because a certain Uppermoon was trying to be the one to make all of the decorations and that certain Uppermoon was excedingly annoying. 

Gyokko, pleading, was showing Muzan a box full of vases which were supposedly his art and that he should be the one to make the decoration for the tree. 

"No!!" Muzan had shouted, and quite literally kicked the box of vases across the Infinity Fortress, breaking them to pieces. 

Gyokko cried for hours after that, and only because Kokushibo soothed him did Muzan stop himself from killing Upper 5. 

Later, Muzan called an Uppermoon meeting and.. 

"Gyokko," he said. 

The Uppermoon, still in tears, looked up. "What?"

"You must dress up as the grinch and then stay in the corner of the room all of Christmas and.. cry. Okay?" Muzan decided, crossing his arms. 

"What?!" Gyokko cried, "why??"

"Because I hate you!"

"I..."

Daki covered her mouth, trying not to laugh, and said, her words muffled by her hand, "I can get him a costume."

"Perfect," Muzan said. "Alright, now I hope all of you have been buying things for each other—if you got anything for Gyokko give it to him the day after Christmas because the Grinch doesn't deserve anything. Okay? We have only a few days to decorate the Infinity Castle so I hope you all know what to do!!" 

They all nodded simutaneously, Gyokko sniffing indignantly as he did. 

"Right. Now hurry up. Kokushibo, meet me in my office in a minute." Muzan turned and left, leaving the Uppermoons to prepare—and Gyokko to suffer in silence.

(Ehm. You might know by now that I don't particularily favor Gyokko 😇)

×××

"Kokushibo. I need your help," Muzan said, his voice lowering on the word 'help.' He'd never asked for help before in his whole life—honestly.

Kokushibo cocked his head. "Do you, now? What for?" he asked curiously.

"The Uppermoons are so stupid!—Not you, of course," Muzan quickly corrected. 

"Hm. Why so?" the six-eyed demon asked. 

"Because Akaza like Douma but he pretends he hates Douma and Douma—the stupid motherfucker—likes Akaza but thinks it's just that Akaza smells nice so he likes to be with him more, Daki likes Nakime but is too afraid to say anything, Nakime likes Daki but had bad experiences with past relationships so doesn't want to say anything, Kaigaku likes Gyutaro and knows which Uppermoon likes which and is rather loud-mouthed and a gossip but he never can tell Gyutaro how he feels, Gyutaro likes Kaigaku but doesn't know how to do relationships, Gyokko is, for some weird reason, madly in love with art, and Hantengu is scared of everything including air," Muzan said in one breath, sighing at the end. "So you see, they're stupid. And I'm trying to get the Uppermoons together—in relationships, but not Gyokko and Hantengu for obvious reasons—and I've not been able to!!" 

"Ehm.." Kokushibo stared at him for a minute, trying to process everything. Then he said, hesitantly, "I guess I could help? I'm no expert in this place but I can try.."

"Thank you!" Muzan said, relieved. "It was starting to get annoying trying to read their minds to see what they thought of my announcement and finding them only longing to be kissing some other Uppermoon. It's irritating." 

"Right..." 

The demon king put a hand on his desk and leaned on it, looking Kokushibo up and down. "So, why don't we go do something together now that we're by ourself? A little freedom before we have to put ourselves to dealing with the Uppermoons?" he suggested, grinning. 

Kokushibo laughed. "Alright, then."

×××

And hence began the matchmaking service of Muzan Kibutsuji. Oh, and Kokushibo of course.

First patients, were Uppermoon's 2 and 3. Or, the lemon and the strawberry as Muzan and Kokushibo called them when there weren't alone. 

Muzan proposed that they would first try to get Akaza to admit his feelings because... because Akaza was really stubborn. Well, so was Douma but they eventually agreed that Akaza would take a bit more convincing since Douma usually ended up agreeing pretty easily since he had no sort of handle on his own emotions. 

Muzan told Nakime to teleport both of the Uppermoons to one room in which they couldn't escape, then he would care for the rest.

After that, Muzan watched the two through Nakime's eye, seeing them confused at first.

"Hi," he said unceremoniously, his voice echoing into the room they'd been teleported to. 

Akaza and Douma looked up simultaneously. 

"Master?" Akaza asked, confused. 

Muzan nodded then realized they couldn't see him. "Ah, right. You two must confess until you both understand. And then I'll let you out," he explained. 

"Oh," Akaza said. His mind raced. Could it be that Muzan knew who he loved..?

Douma stared down at the ground and his hands fidgeted. "I...I confess that once, when all my cult members went to a festival, I was tired and hungry. And I... didn't want to go look for humans to eat... so I ate a chicken."

Akaza raised an eyebrow. "You what?"

"Ate a chicken..."

The shorter of the two bit back laughter and Muzan's voice rang around them. "You idiot! That's not what I meant when I said 'confess.'"

"It wasn't?" the blond asked, confused.

"No, you dumbass," Muzan said, exasperated. Why'd he chosen this person to be in the Upper ranks again? "Akaza, you go first."

Akaza's laughed stopped almost immediately and he averted his eyes, turning away from Douma.

Completely clueless, the rainbow-eyed demon tilted his head in confusion. "Are you okay, Akaza-dono?"

"Shut up," Akaza snapped, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor.

"Akaza," Muzan said sternly, as if scolding a little child. "Tell him." 

Akaza looked away and was silent for a moment before—"Fine." He turned back to Douma, his eyes narrowed. He looked very stern. Serious. 

Douma swallowed, fearing the worst. 

But then Akaza said, "I fucking like you."

And then the world melted away and Douma was blinking and staring up at Akaza with his eyes wide. "You do?"

"Bitch, didn't I just say that?"

"You aren't lying?" Douma asked hopefully.

"If I were lying Master would kill me!!!" Akaza snapped, getting irritated.

"I probably would," Muzan agreed.

Kokushibo, who was standing next to Muzan and being given the ability to see and hear everything that was happening, stifled a laugh. Muzan rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and shushed him before turning back to the two Uppermoons.

"Now, Douma, what do you want to say about what Akaza told you," he said, as if a parent trying to get his child to understand.

Douma thought for a moment—actually thought—and then said, "Thank you?"

Akaza sighed. "Why do I like you again?"

Muzan was having similar thoughts and, deciding that Douma was very much like a child, said, "Listen, if you don't figure it out I'm going to have you be punished!" 

Douma pouted. "Okay..." He turned to Akaza. "So, do you know what I'm supposed to say?"

"You're supposed to say about how you feel of what I said," Akaza said, cringing at his own words. He didn't really want to know. 

"Hmm..." The blond demon appeared to be deep in thought as he started pacing around the room. Then he stopped, quite suddenly, and said, "Akaza-dono!"

"What?" Akaza said, his tone bored now. 

"I like you too!" he said decidedly, making Akaza's eyes widen. 

Definitely unexpected.

"What?" he repeated, though more intrigued now. 

"I like you too, Akaza-dono! You said you like me, and I like you too," Douma explained. 

"Like... like-like, or just like?" Akaza asked slowly.

"Wut." Douma blinked. (I wrote duoma-)

"Like-like or friend-like?" Akaza tried. 

"What's like-like?"

"Like... love? Sorta? Or, like, more than friendship?" he said, confusing himself.

"Uhm... Like-like!" Douma exclaimed, poising his hands on his hips triumphantly for figuring it out.

"Oh."

A silence quite deafening spread through the room, making Douma fidget uncomfortably.

"Is that bad?" Douma asked after another moment.

"No, no it's not," Muzan said, answering for Akaza. "Now you two can go off and fuck now I don't care. Nakime?"

The biwa demon complied, strumming her instrument and teleporting the two Uppermoons to Douma's cult room.

×××

"Two down, four to go!" Muzan said, apparently very proud of himself.

Kokushibo agreed, sitting down on the chair in front of Muzan's desk. "Now what?" he asked.

Muzan hesitated and his previous triumph seemed to simmer down. "I... don't really know."

His boyfriend laughed, making him snap his head up indignantly. "Hey!! It's not like you're giving me any ideas," he protested.

"Okay, okay, fine," Kokushibo said, sighing. "Do we have a sort of deadline?"

Muzan tapped his chin. "Christmas?"

"But that's in, like, 3 days..." he whined.

"Yeah and we only have two more 'couples' to go through," Muzan said. "We just need some plan. What do Daki and Nakime like?"

Kokushibo shrugged. "Shopping? At least Daki does. Oh! We could tell them to go shopping for the gifts and then we'll make sure they grow closer through that?" he suggested.

"Yes! We can set them up to go to one of the stores that I pretend to be human in as a worker," Muzan decided. "I'll ask them if they're dating or something."

Kokushibo nodded. "Alright. And Gyutaro and Kaigaku...?"

"Ughh, I don't know," Muzan whined. "We'll think of that tomorrow."

He stood and clapped his hands, projecting his voice to make sure Nakime would hear him now. "Nakime! You and Daki must go shop for presents now. Understood?"

Nakime, confused, said, "Yes, Master."

There was the sound of the biwa echoing around them then Kokushibo and Muzan found themselves on a street. Muzan grinned, "Alright, you go think of something for Kaigaku and Gyutaro or whatever, I'll go do my shift now."

"Fun," Kokushibo sighed, walking off. 

×××

Nakime walked silently beside Daki, wondering why the hell she had to do this. Like, it wasn't completely out of the blue since Christmas was coming up, but it really was random. Especially since he'd said for her to go. Daki would be more reasonable but Nakime usually just put up the decorations.

Why this this year?

Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that Muzan had been trying to get Douma and Akaza together...?

She sighed, raking her hand through her hair which was pulled up in a ponytail, her eyes disguised as human ones—two human ones. Distorting but she couldn't cause confusion.

"You alright?" Daki asked, turning to her as they walked, their feet marking footprints in the snow.

"Mhm, just wondering why I have to go," Nakime grumbled.

Daki laughed. "You'll live. Or are you cold? I can hug you," she said, grinning. She was wearing clothes more appropriate for winter—Gyutaro had insisted—and she looked absolutely... adorable in them.

The biwa demon shook her head as they approached the first shop. "We can't walk like that," she remarked.

"You can carry meee!!!" Daki teased. 

"How are you to help me shop then?" Nakime pointed out, stepping through the door. 

"Finee..." 

They looked around, finding themselves in a clothing store. 

"Hmm, I should buy that grinch costume for Gyokko now," Daki said, looking around. "I'll meet you at the front, no? We can meet up when we're done so we can pay and go on, alright?"

Nakime nodded and the two split up, going each their own way.

×××

Muzan waited, drumming his fingers mindlessly on the counter. It took a while and he was starting to regret having decided to take on this job as he knew Daki took a long time to shop, but then they finally walked up to him and he stood up, making sure he kept down his aura to a less menacing one, more fragile and human-like so they wouldn't notice. 

"Hello! Having a nice christmas, I suppose?" he said, his tone cheery, matching his smile.

Daki nodded and placed her things on the counter—taking up half of the space. Nakime placed her things there as well which ended up only being half of the amount Daki had gotten. 

"Yep, you?" she said, fixing her ponytail.

"I'm doing alright, myself," Muzan said, picking up the first item. "Are you two dating? You seem very close," he commented, careful to not look too curious. 

He looked up and gave them a tentative smile.

It took them a second to realize what he meant and they flushed simutaneously, instantly shaking their heads in denial. 

"No?" Muzan asked, counting the payment. "Such a pity. Close friends, then?" he decided. 

"Ehm..." Nakime mumbled, her usually pale-white palor practically glowing with pink. "I suppose."

Daki nodded her agreement quickly. "Yeah... Close friends..!" she said, pushing what she was buying closer to Muzan, urging him to continue.

"Right, right. Nice to go shopping together, hm?" he said. 

"Yep!!" 

"You sure you aren't dating?" Muzan pushed, laughing. "Your 'friend' here is quite pink."

"I'm just cold," Nakime said quickly—too quickly.

Daki glanced at her, almost surprised, then nodded as well. "See, I told you you should carry me!" she said. 

Nakime sighed. "How would we carry this?" she asked, motioning to their things. 

"Uhhhh, with you hair," Daki joked. 

"Alright, here's the charge," Muzan said, jotting it down quickly. "Anything else?" he asked.

Daki shook her head. "That'll be it."

"Mhm, have a merry Christmas!!" he called out to them as they walked out the door. 

Once they were out of sight, he quickly placed the money in the cash register (idk what they used if it was smth diff so we'll just do it as it's done here now<33) and called out, "Kokushibo!! Go follow them!!"

Kokushibo, at Muzan's command, followed the two girls as they walked to the next store.

They walked in silence, their hands full with their things and their thoughts elsewhere. Both appeared to be flushed and most definitely not from the cold—especially since demons aren't affected in visible ways by cold.

Kokushibo followed them until they entered the store then he paused and went back to Muzan.

"So?" the demon lord asked, his eyebrows cocked in curiousity. 

"I think that you've at least sparked something other. They didn't talk or anything but they were... definitely thinking about it," Kokushibo said, smiling.

Muzan leaned over to him and gave him a quick kiss. "Good."

×××

"Okay! For Kaigaku and Gyutaro, we're going to need Daki. But since she's... developing her relationship with Nakime, we can have you talk to Kaigaku first," Muzan said, leaning back on his chair.

"Why me?" Kokushibo huffed.

"Because he sees you as a father," he said, rolling his eyes. "And you can just pretend you want to see him for training or shit, I don't care."

"...alright. What do I say? Or do?" the Uppermoon asked, confused as to where this was going.

"Just talk to him about random shit then drop big ass hints that he likes Gyutaro and that he should ask him out. Kaigaku catches on with that sort of shit really easily, don't worry." Muzan sat up. "Shouldn't be too hard."

"You say it so vaguely, though..." Kokushibo complained. 

"You'll do great, Kokushibo," Muzan assured him. "Want a good luck kiss?" he teased.

"Yes."

Muzan slipped around his desk and went to kiss him but arms wrapped around his waist and lifted him onto the desk. 

"Hmm, don't go too far Kokushibo," he warned, though he gave him a tender smirk. 

×××

Kaigaku stood in Kokushibo's house—a small human one with a lot of curtains and boarded up windows to make it look as if an abandoned one though it was far from that inside. 

"Soo, what am I doing here? Training again?" Kaigaku asked, his arms poised on his hips in a relaxed posture.

"No, just talking," Kokushibo said, sitting down on a chair he'd placed across from the one he's put down for Kaigaku—who wasn't even using it. 

"Hmm, what about?" the training-to-be-an-Uppermoon-demon asked, his eyebrows perked in curiousity. 

"Stuff."

"Elaborate."

"Sit down, Kaigaku," Kokushibo sighed.

He sat. (totally a sentence)

"Start the conversation, then. I've got to finish wrapping the presents," Kaigaku huffed.

"Alright. Hmm, so your place as an Uppermoon? You'll be taking as... Uppermoon six if there were to be any vacancies," Kokushibo said awkwardly, after a moment of silence. He honestly didn't know what he was supposed to say. He'd had a vague idea but then he'd gotten all caught up with Muzan and... shit, so it'd slipped his mind. 

"And...?" Kaigaku prompted. "I already know that, you know-"

"Right, right. Gyutaro and Daki are Upper six at the moment," the Uppermoon said, thinking quickly. He had to bring Gyutaro into the conversation.

"Mhm?"

"Maybe you should train with them? Like, Gyutaro, say! You seem to be around him a lot recently. Have you befriended him well?" he asked, mentally approving himself. 

"Oh, uh..." Kaigaku paused. "Yeah, sure. I've... befriended him, all right.

"Very well," Kokushibo said, noting the emphasis on friend.

"Why do you ask?"

"I want to make sure you have closer sight on what it's like to be an Uppermoon. You should really talk to Gyutaro more. Ask him out if you want to go and talk to him somewhere more... private?" Kokushibo suggested, a glint in his eyes proving he meant other than what he was saying.

Kaigaku, obviously realizing this, flushed. "Ask him... what?" 

"Out."

"I know, I meant, uhm..." he faltered. "Nevermind. Okay." 

"Great! And hopefully he can be more than just a friend, in which you two can bond together in other ways to give you more experience," the Uppermoon said. He stood, then, and said, "Have fun!" before walking off deeper into his house to wait for Muzan.

×××

And then it was Christmas.

Muzan and Kokushibo lay quietly in Muzan's room, both having wanted a bit of rest, when the door slammed open.

They jolted up. "Wha-"

"IT'S CHRISTMASSS!!!" Daki exclaimed, grinning widely. She wore a sort of onesie that was red and white with patterns of reindeers. "GET UP FUCKERS!!!"

"Daki!!" Muzan groaned. "Quiet down."

"NO CAN DO!!" she said, dashing off.

Kokushibo sighed. "We better get going then."

"Right. I'll go see if Gyokko has the costume on," Muzan said.

"Mhm." Kokushibo kissed him on the forehead and then the two demons stood and walked out of the room, noting the decorations put up all over the Infinity Fortress.

"It looks beautiful," Daki said as Muzan and Kokushibo entered the main gathering room. 

Nakime smiled. "Thank you."

"I know someone else she finds beautiful," Muzan said under his breath.

"What?" the biwa demon asked, turning her gaze to him.

"Nothing. Alright, Gyokko!! Where are you?"

Daki burst into laughter then, bringing the attention of the demons to her.

"What?"

"I gave him the costume of the grinch an hour ago and he'd been complaining that it's not fit for him to wear and that it's not artistic at all so he won't come out of his pots," she explained, pointing to one of the flower-designed vases sitting in the corner of the room.

Muzan shook his head. "Gyokko, get your cowardly ass out of the stupid vase and show us the costume. If you don't, I'm going to make sure every one of your pots are destroyed and your paints and materials are thrown into an ocean." 

Gyokko, obviously shocked by this threat, gasped and the sound echoed in the pot. 

"Well?" the demon lord said impatiently.

"Fine..." Gyokko whined, slowly but surely going out of the pot. 

There was a beat of silence as everyone stared at him, the bright green fuzzy—but somewhat soaking wet—fabric of the costume making him look worse than ever as he averted his eyes to the ground, his face flushed in a red hue contrasting against his usually pale skin.

And then—

Laughter rang out from Muzan making nearly every Uppermoon flinch in surprise.

"Nevermind, Gyokko. You already looked like shit before but that's worse. You can take it off... at midnight," Muzan decided.

Gyokko huffed. "Okay. How long till then?"

Daki grinned. "Nearly twenty four hours. It's nearing to one AM of today," she said giddly.

"...Fuck. Can I at least stay inside the pot?" he whined. 

"Nope, you have to stay out in that corner of the room the whole day, remember? And cry but I suppose that's optional," Muzan said, raising an eyebrow to see if he'd contradict.

"Fine."

×××

"Nakime!" Muzan hissed.

He was right behind Nakime, watching the other Uppermoons and Kaigaku exchange presents and talk. 

"Yes, Master?" she said.

"Put mistletoe over where Kaigaku and Gyutaro are in a bit, alright?" he said, his voice low in a whisper.

"Yes, Master." 

"Okay, now go talk to Daki or something and stop sitting by here the whole time. You can play  music later," he dismissed.

Nakime nodded. "Alright."

×××

Kaigaku was laughing as he spoke to Gyutaro when he noticed something above him. He looked up, his action being followed by a similar one by the Uppermoon he spoke to. 

"Mistletoe?" he said. "Was that always there?"

"No, I don't think so," Gyutaro said.

Kaigaku paused. "Gyutaro," he said suddenly, grinning.

"Huh?"

"People put up mistletoe because you're supposed to kiss if you go under it. We're under it," he said, raising his eyebrows slowly, trying to get Gyutaro to understand. 

"Wha...- OH." Gyutaro froze. "You want to..?"

"If you want to..." 

"So... yes?" he said slowly.

"Do you?"

"...yes."

Kaigaku nodded and leaned forward, pushing the box he held in his lap to the side. "Yes." He closed the distance between them, their eyes fluttering shut almost instinctively. 

When they pulled apart, both's cheeks were flushed and Gyutaro looked to be practically glowing, a shy smile forming on his face.

But then Daki gasped, and they turned to look at her. "What?" they asked in unison, as if the kiss had brought their words together.

"You guys... just... KISSED?!" Daki said, her voice almost in a shriek.

"Is that a bad thing..?" Gyutaro asked uncertainly.

"ARE YOU KIDDING?? IT'S THE BEST THING EVER!!" Daki squealed. 

Taken aback, Gyutaro took a moment to respond as he blinked, confused, at his sister. "It is?"

"You realize the both of you have been crushing on each other for, like, months and said absolutely nothing?!" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Months..?" Kaigaku asked, his eyes widening. 

"You too," she deadpanned. "You've liked him for longer, no?"

"Fuck off..." he mumbled. 

Gyutaro looked torn between backing up Kaigaku or his sister and he remained silent.

Douma, noticing this, turned abruptly to Akaza—who was about to go talk to Nakime—and said, "Akaza-dono!! We both like each other too! Can we kiss??"

Akaza glared at him. "Fuck no!"

"Why??" the blond whined, pouting. 

"Because you look like shit and you are shit," Akaza said, huffing and turning away.

"But... you like me!" Douma pointed out.

"My feelings have been corrupted."

"I wanna kiss you, Akaza-dono!" he said impatiently.

"Too ba-"

He was interrupted when lips pressed against his in a fleeting moment.

They stared at each other for a second, then Akaza turned red and turned away, covering his face with his hands.

Douma smiled happily. "You're pretty, Akaza-dono!" 

"I hate you," Akaza mumbled, the words too weak to be true.

"I love you too!"

×××

(watch me run out of ideas so imma end it now)

"Hmm, looks like they're having fun," Kokushibo noted, smiling.

"Yeah. What about Nakime and Daki, though?" Muzan asked, sighing.

"Don't force it, they'll figure it out themselves.

"Alright."

Muzan leaned against his boyfriend's chest, their arms and legs tangled up with each others comfortably.

"Love you, Koku... Merry Christmas," he said, stealing a short kiss from the Uppermoon.

"Love you too."

{Word count: 4152}

LY ALL

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS OR HAPPY WHATEVER!! <33

ALSO IDC I'M POSTING THIS HERE PAST CHRISTMAS I WAS TOO LAZY TO YESTERDAY

[dreaming-in-daylight]

a list of anime you have watched

S P O I L E R S i am so sorry this took long to answer ive been busy with homework and stuff but anyways here you go. ill go ahead and add that i love everything listed here regardless of the ranking. i am probably missing a lot so im gonna edit this. anyone can feel free to talk to me about anything listed here or not i dont really care. anyways here you go

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

attack on titan (finished the manga and caught up with the anime. i cry whenever i listen to akuma no ko. isayama is a genius and doesnt deserve death threats for killing off sasha and neither does ayane)

bungo stray dogs (currently reading i was screaming your name through the radio on ao3 and i very much recommend)

jujutsu kaisen (itadori kin if you couldnt tell, please stop sending death threats to akutami like cmon i love gojo too but hes a real person)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

one piece (procrastinating bc of school but i swear i'll continue it)

demon slayer (tanjiro is my child now)

the promised neverland (ive got a love-hate relationship w isabella)

hunter x hunter (not that far in but its so good)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

seraph of the end (HAHAHAHAHA MY SISTERS THOUGHT I COULDN'T FINISH IT IN A WEEK BEFORE NETFLIX TOOK IT OFF >:). but fr i love it and i wanna see more of yu-chan and mika)

a silent voice (was crying so much esp when she tried killing herself)

grave of the fireflies (literally the hardest i've cried over ANYTHING and i already knew she was gonna die)

into the forest of fireflies light (planning to rewatch it bc i watched it in class n felt nothing)

spy x family (yes.)

⭐️⭐️

erased (dont remember much, but i remember being very obsessed and i wanna read the manga)

given (couldnt bring myself to watch the movie. crying at ep 9, poor mafuyu)

tokyo ghoul (dropped it at vol 8 cause it was way too triggering)

violet evergarden (who didnt cry at ep 10?)

death note (i LOVE it. ryuk is a mood tbh)

ranking of kings (THE INTROS ARE ALWAYS A BANGER. ily wit studio)

⭐️

orange (used to love it but dont remember anything now)

sprited away (childhood favorite)

ponyo (also childhood favorite)

howl's moving castle (howl&lt;;3)

when marnie was there (didnt understand alot of it)

[too-many-rooks]

Writing procrastination game!

Thanks @lastlymatt for tagging me, I got rambly so I’ll put this under a ‘read more’

Tagging @pigandpepper @known-concepts @countessrivers

1.) what’s the name of one of your wips?

My doc names are usually very boring 95% of the time I finish a fic and think it’s ready to post and realise I need a title. How about ‘Yassen Bedroom Visit’?

2.) Describe a Wip in the format of __+__=__

SCORPIA heir Alex + totally normal kidnapping and drugging in the middle of the night get to safety orienteering exercises = childhood trauma

3.) What tags/warnings will one of your Wips need if you share it?

Forced child seperation?

4.) alternative title to a wip?

I don’t really have alternate titles! Titles tend to come pretty late in the process!

5.) which wip are you most likely to update/finish next?

Probably one of my s3 aus I’ve got brewing, there’s a longer thing I posted the first chapter of today but I also have some one shots, one where Yassen gets wounded fighting off Alex’s enemies and Alex basically has to hold him down to say he cares about him, and another where Yassen comes to chat to him in the middle of the night (while Alex is sleeping) and they catch up.

6.) what is one of your wip’s document title, not what it’s name is but what you have it saved as?

Again, extremely boring. Some examples - ‘Tom/House introduction’, ‘stables’, ‘the ball’, ‘heir apparent 1-9’, ‘hunting’ ‘hostage’ ‘orienteering.’

On reflection, these are very badly organised. But, hey Ho.

7.) post any sentence from your WIP?

Okay this took me forever to decide bc I want to share like, all of my sentences, but here’s a sentence from my SCORPIA heir Alex thing where Yassen just tries to take a day off, but is interrupted by Alex sneaking out of school/the country and mountain his school is on

‘Rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, he blocked out the little blonde headache sat before him, and sighed, already imagining the state of his email inbox when he got back to his laptop, which he’d sworn would stay folded in its case for the rest of the day.

“And how long ago was this? When should I start expecting panicked calls from your father?”‘

8.) a scrapped idea from your WIP?

Not necessarily a scrapped idea but evidently one I forgot about and rediscovered as I was flicking through google docs - originally a pre-season 3 idea (but could work post s3) where Yassen retires, and decides it’s time for Alex to retire too, even if he doesn’t want to. Very “congratulations you are being adopted! Do not resist.” Meme with Yassen that I’ve seen on here, the bit I’d written was him contemplating the least traumatising way to kidnap him, to make sure they’re a happy family unit post-kidnapping

9.) what’s a story you would love to write but have yet to start?

Alex sees dead people AU - Ian knows, when he dies his ghost becomes bound to Alex, and helps take care of him/watch over him in the field, Alex bumps into Yassen at Point Blanc and immediately recognises the ghost bound to him as his father, especially as he begs the assassin to stop pretending like he can’t hear him for once and let him see his son, to protect him.

10.) how many WIPs are you actively working on?

Four - regency fic, darker Alex s3 au, two other s3 aus I mentioned earlier. Suprised myself by how much of this longer ‘SCORPIA heir’ Alex thing that I’d put off for a while I’ve actually written. That’s one that I really want to finish before I start posting bc I’m bad at doing work without an immediate emotional reward/it’s a longer than anything I’ve written before and I don’t want to give up on it when it’s half published. I had been delaying it till after s3 but maybe time to get to work (will try and finish regency fic first)

11.) is there a scene your struggling to write now?

Oh I mean so many but the most immediate stumbling block is with the regency fic, chapter after this one they go to a ball and that’s almost basically written and so is a lot of the next two chapters but there’s things I need to thread into this chapter that just don’t want to be threaded - I need Alex to start being a bit more suspicious of Yassen, and remember that whole thing about his uncle being murdered now he’s a bit passed the initial princess diaries revelation moment.

I was thinking like Alex waiting up for him on Christmas Eve or something and falls asleep then is woken by Yassen sneaking back in and Alex noticed he’s got blood on his clothes or something and Yassen just shrugs him off and reacts more strictly/authoritatively than he has before. But the scene is a bit sludgy I my mind atm.

12.) Not a question but a second kudos!

[starlit-meloncholia]

Last Song: Vulture by Bear Ghost is what's playing rn as i write this

Currently Watching: I don't watch a ton of television, but I *did* just finish the Dungeon Meshi manga like last week or so

Three Ships: oh god i haven't been big into shipping in years... but i have been absolutely *obsessed* with Husker/Angel Dust lately 😍 it's so goddamn cute and i love them sm

Favorite Color: a lot of people assume it's black bc that's pretty much all i wear, but it's actually grey, and especially light silvery greys. i love the aesthetics of black, but grey is just so pretty and makes me happy uwu

Place of Birth: Tampa, Florida!

Current Location: Kentucky

Relationship Status: Engaged to one partner who doesn't have a tumblr and in a relationship with @katherinegaymes 😸

Last Movie: Nemona! I've been meaning to watch it, and when they put it on Youtube for free I hopped on that opportunity

Currently Working On: i'm jumping between like twenty things rn, but it's mostly one part worldbuilding for a new project, one part redoing the map for my main d&d setting, and one part working on the rules for my tabletop system i'm putting together

Tagged by: @meroisachurro - Thanku! 😸 Sorry it took me so long, i'm a bad procrastinator >.>

i'll tag @m0thmancore, @rlainarin, and @katherinegaymes if you guys wanna do it owo no pressure!

[tordenvejr]

Hello Vic, I hope you’re doing well.

I failed one of the subjects this semester. I have near perfect scores in all other. I generally struggle a lot with depression and motivation. So especially bcs of this, and because Ive always procrastinated, I left everything for the last few days and I just couldn’t keep up with this subject’s material.

How do I not let this affect me? Mind you, I started this semester with motivation, which was a rare thing in my life, I am afraid I won’t be like that anymore & while realizing that I was failing I was thinking about all the work I did during the semester, even getting dressed up and leaving home, commuting to university took insane amount of energy from me… and it seems like I did all of that for nothing (I was hoping for a stipend, if you have average score of 95+ you have a chance to get it)

Now, this isn’t the first time Ive failed. But last time I sort of decided mid semester that at that time there was no way I was going the pass this one particular subject, so i was ok with that. But I wanted to do better this semester. My family was rooting for me during this exam season and now i feel like im not a god student. How do I break this info to them… How do I let this not effect my confidence?

you let it affect you, and you recognize that it's okay that it affects you. we're conditioned to wrap up our value > our deserving for love/belonging in how much we can achieve/produce/conform to the systems set in place that were never meant to be accessible or beneficial to everyone in the first place. it's okay to feel pressured, and to feel bad about not meeting that pressure in the way you're told to. allow whatever feelings come up to have space, whether it be sadness, shame or exhaustion , etc. those feelings are natural.

examine whether there may also be an abstract sense of rejection from your studies/place of study in terms of not passing, that might trigger an urge to give up, leave, isolate?

i would return to your why of the matter, why do you want to study > pass > what do you want to do? and making sure that that why is grounded in something that is nourishing for your well-being. does the why inspire joy? not just in concept, but in practicality?

if it is something you wholeheartedly want, you can consider implementing the pomodoro method as that can be helpful with procrastination and time management for those of us that are neurodivergent. you get the sense of a deadline so you can get things done and you know how long you'll be focusing which makes it more manageable and less overwhelming.

what does it mean to be a good student to you? because i think for many it means disregarding personal needs and ignoring factors that may be challenging us. compassion is reserved for those that reach the finish line only, being a good student becomes this thing of acceptance and respect being available exclusively when we conform as well or better than possible. which often means enduring methods of achieving that are damaging to us. results become more important than the individual.

i don't know your family dynamic so it's hard for me to know exactly how it would be least stressful for you to let them know. you may want to do it over text so you're spared their initial reaction of their own projected worries and insecurities. or you may want to let them know "i have to talk to you about something difficult, and i'm asking you to show up with understanding because i need that." and have the talk over tea, or you can lead with being your own advocate ie "i've worked hard, i've been committed, but i didn't pass this thing and i'm struggling with that. could you help motivate me or help me be nice to myself about it?" it all depends on the dynamics.

i wish you much self compassion 💛

[noosesurroundsme]

Today has been a very long day. (SA stuff)

I was super nervous today about that meeting with HR. There was a lot to explain and I was worried that something would happen when she came in but the ASM didn't notice. Her and I talked for probably an hour. She read all of the texts from him from July of last year to the most recent ones. I was shaking the entire time and almost started crying a few times when I was explaining stuff. She told me right of the bat that nothing is my fault and I did a really good thing by contacting her, and should be proud of myself. This whole thing really scares me. I hope he doesn't have a violent side or become vindictive, though she did say that if he retaliates in any way that it's grounds for immediate termination. When she was reading the texts I could see by her facial expressions that she wasn't happy, some of them he flat out admitted to touching me which bodes well for me, and she said when she finished reading that everything I said was very innocent. I was really worried about that because I didn't pick up on as much of the sexual stuff he sent as I thought and probably would have stopped replying sooner if I did.

I felt like my phone was going crazy today because my family and friends were worried about me, wishing me luck with the meeting and asking how it went. It took me a while to chill out. She left just before 4pm and I was still really jittery when I left at 7. She asked me to screenshot or download all of the texts and email them to her, so I just finished with that 20 minutes ago (it's 1:15 am right now). My boss had to leave today for his interview in the area he's moving to and when he was on his way home he asked me if I was okay and called me at the store to make sure I was and we talked a little bit about it. Things might be moving faster than I anticipated too bc my boss told me he has to open tomorrow, which he normally doesn't do because the ASM does it. He didn't really say specifically what happened, just that ASM won't be there while they investigate so they must have suspended him or something. This has been a lot for one day. I texted my mom's friend to tell her thank you because without her being super pushy and adamant that I talk to HR immediately I may have procrastinated or not done it at all.

It really sucks that my boss is moving. He actually cares and wants what's best for me and isn't mad that he'll probably have to work more these next couple weeks.

[crookedvultures]

good news: after months of procrastinating, i finished my timeline of j2′s character progression once i stopped thinking about each version as a new character entirely like mangas do and instead as variants of a single character like they do in comics

bad news: now that it’s laid out in front of me i’m scared to revisit my original 2018 design bc i’ve been using the alternate variants for so long

despite all the fun little offshoots i do (depending on which hyperfixation decides to take over) her original concept was great. i’ve kept her features like hair and eyes the same and her face is largely the same but the only major difference between each incarnation is her body type and style, which goes hand in hand with how she presents herself. i guess that’s a metaphor for her character in general i.e. no matter which universe it is she’s still the same person, just differently expressed

i think my biggest roadblock as far as her development goes was figuring out a character motivation. i ended up focusing on my second OC for most of 2022 because i just couldn’t figure out what to do with j2 anymore since i didn’t have a “good” enough motive. but when i thought of characters i loved in fiction, a lot of them didn’t have explicitly clear goals, so i realized j2 didn’t need to either. it was much easier once i realized that motive would naturally change depending on context

it’s just trippy that i now have to look at her with full body tattoos again when it took me a good 3 months to get used to seeing her without them. just like when i changed Krys’ hair from firetruck red to a more neutral red, it’s going to be a challenge to adjust my perception; i’m afraid that my brain will trick me into thinking that her tats and piercings “don’t suit her”

[lexstellaris]

Daily Draw - 28/4/23 - Sacred Rebels Oracle (Alana Fairchild)

41 - Bring It Into Form

I've drawn this card a few times in previous readings. It's a call to action, to stop thinking, and start doing. A card of action, and creative expression. You can't achieve things simply by thinking them. You have to do them. It's definitely something I often struggle with, not just with creativity but with other mundane life things too.

It's that sense of uncertainty, not wanting to know, maybe it won't work, maybe I'll fail. That often stops me from doing things I need to do. And it ties in with some of the things Sobek was telling me in meditation tonight. Do the thing. bc you'll regret it if you don't.

I actually really like the imagery of this card, of someone walking along the shoreline, where the waves are moving back and forth, and their footprints remain there in the wet sand. That's what it evokes for me. And the water drops become flowers - or fireflies - as they come into the air. It's that change in form, from something passive, to something active.

There are definitely things I've been procrastinating on. I've got minecraft builds, and artwork, and fics, and ofc other life admin and spiritual/magical work to do. Sometimes I do need that kick in the pants to do them, or finish them, bc otherwise I'll just let them stay by the wayside, forgotten ideas that could have been great if I'd done something with them.

I almost didn't do Senut tonight. I was out at a comedy gig, and while we were home before 9pm, I was still tired, and almost just went for the shortform Kemetic rite I have in my daily rituals book. But Sobek was gentle, and said it was still a good day, and I could do Senut. Just change into clean clothes. The habit won't form if I don't keep it up. And I'm glad I did, and that I have gods so willing to work with my limitations.

I've spent a long time trying to build my spiritual practices back to where they used to be. The pandemic and uni and burn out took a lot out of me, and I'm honestly surprised I kept my 5 min meditation in the morning throughout it all. But it was the anchor that kept me going, and now I'm in a headspace where I'm ready to expand my work.

I've adopted the Hellenic custom of the day starting at sunset. I do most of my spiritual work in the evenings, so it makes sense to use this time to prep for the next day, as that's what I do anyway. So much of what I've been trying to do is to find the right flow, so that these things feel effortless.

So in the evenings, it's Senut and card draws, and some other magical work that's oathbound, bc I've been neglecting that particular thing for a while and I need to get back into it.

In the mornings, I anoint my wrists with some oil dedicated to the planet of the day, then read the Orphic hymn to the same planet, then a hymn to Sobek, then the Orphic hymn to Hekate. Light incense and LED candles, and meditate for 5 mins. It's simple, but it primes my brain, and even if I don't always use that time for Work, but instead let my brain just wander, it's still valuable time to me.

I also have other magical work I've been planning on doing, and this card feels like it's poking me about that too. Stop procrastinating. Stop feeling like there's only one correct way to do the spells you wanna do. Just do them your own way. Let your self-expression come through and make them your own.

This line from the book has stuck with me:

"You are being asked to honour yourself with a commitment to complete your inspired tasks. This will help you grow ... but there is another reason - you know that your inspired ideas are worth translating into practical forms so that other people can access them and experience something special too."

I'm feeling this a lot with much of the Pharaoh Cub fics I've been working on and contemplating writing. Fanfic is very much an avenue for me to process gender feels and explore spirituality and god stuff in a way that's abstract enough for me to work with.

But there's also things here with my Minecraft Java solo world. It's build as a town centred around Hekate and Her worship. I'm working on the cathedral that will sit in the centre of town. And I know I'm procrastinating bc I don't want to mess it up, even though I've built it already in creative and I just need to copy that. There's the fear of it not turning out as good as I want it to. But it won't build itself, so in order to continue the lore of that town, I need to finish it.

Since I don't need to work again until Wednesday, I have plenty of time to start working on these things, and putting in some work towards completing them. bc sometimes you need the universe to kick you in the pants and make you do the thing.

[hrtiu]

If you're taking prompts, may I request "we have a shit ton of stuff to do today but you're bored and want kisses and my attempt at resisting fails and we end up making out on the floor" for rexsoka? Bc I love "This Means War" and I feel like this would totally happen while they're trying to clean (/Rex avoids throwing away bits of his collection and Ahsoka hates cleaning anyway).

From this list of prompts. Thanks so much for the prompt! For context, this story is set during the Mandalorian times. Ahsoka and Rex are married and living together on Ossus, where Ahsoka is training baby Yoda (whose name is Dral in this AU because I wrote it before the Mandalorian S2 came out). Dral also used the Force to revert Rex to normal aging.

“Toss or keep?” Ahsoka asked, holding up a cracked datapad from where she sat cross-legged on the floor.

Rex looked up from the stack of holo photos he was sorting through and shook his head. “No way. Echo gave that to me way back on Seelos.”

Ahsoka raised a brow at him and waved the datapad back and forth. “It’s broken.”

Rex didn’t say anything. Just stared back at her with those bronze eyes he knew she couldn’t resist.

“Fine. I’ll put it with the ‘maybes,’” she said, sighing and tossing the dusty datapad into a pile in the corner that was growing alarmingly large.

Sorting through all the stuff in the spare room had been a long time coming, and all their procrastination had made the job a lot more painful than it needed to be. Sorting through belongings and cleaning up wasn’t something Ahsoka was used to yet, even though they’d been living in their home on Ossus for several years now. It was amazing how much stuff could accumulate when you stayed in one place. It was amazing how much stuff could accumulate when you had a home.

“I think you’ve been a little too focused on throwing stuff away,” Rex said, leaning back in the folding chair he’d erected in the corner. “If we just organized a bit more and took some things to storage, there’d be plenty of space. We just need to clean-”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Ahsoka said, getting to her feet. “We made a deal. I’ll clean up if you agree to part ways with some of your…” she cast a doubtful glance at the pile of electronics, bits of armor, and ragged miscellanea in the corner. “...mementos,” she finished diplomatically.

Rex held a hand out to her and she took it reluctantly. “Come on, Ashoka,” he said, pulling her onto his lap. “What’s the harm in putting some more things in storage? You never know when you’ll need it. And it’s such a big, empty planet—it’s not like we’ll run out of space.”

“Rex…” she said warningly, though she could already feel her resolve weakening. It wasn’t as if she wanted to spend the first weekend they’d had alone in months cleaning, either. “We had a deal…”

“Dral doesn’t come back until the day after tomorrow,” Rex said, gathering her up in his arms and nuzzling the spot between her front and back lekku with his nose. “We can always clean up tomorrow.”

Ahsoka twisted around in his arms to face him, her fingers lacing together behind his neck. “What happened to you, Captain?” she asked. “You used to be so disciplined and responsible.”

“Oh yeah,” Rex said, giving her a short and sweet kiss before pulling back just far enough to look her in the eyes. “That was before I started fraternizing with my superior officer. It totally ruined my reputation.”

“Well, as long as your reputation is already ruined…” Ahsoka said with a wicked grin. She laughed, then pulled him to the floor. He let out a surprised grunt, but landed obligingly on top of her, one hand to either side of her head.

Something focused and intense lit in Rex’s eyes, and Ahsoka shuddered. No matter how many times she saw it, she didn’t think that look would ever get old. She didn’t want it to.

Then Rex’s eyes dropped to Ahsoka’s stomach and doubt began to crowd out that beloved look. “...But, we really do need to clean out this room. We’ve got to get it ready for the little one-”

Ahsoka stopped Rex’s words with a kiss, then pulled away long enough to give him an adoring smile. “We’ve still got another trimester left. We’ve got time.”

Rex returned her smile. “Yeah,” he said, bringing his mouth to hers. “We’ve got time.”

Needless to say, the room wasn’t any less messy the next day.

[sugas-sweetheart]

hi sofia!! i’m so excited for your halloween event hehe!! can i request kirishima for masquerade ball and “please tell me that was you!” maybe mutual pining? and a drabble pls!! thank you 🥺💖💖💖

Ruby Red || Kirishima Eijirou

A/N: YES THIS IS FROM HALLOWNEEN AND THIS ENDED UP BEING LIKE 1.8K WORDS WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE A DRABBLE- I apologise PROFUSELY at how long this took me though and bye its not even that good i just procrastinated hgdsjkfgj😭 thank you sm @deephasoceanmagic for helping me finish this djsjdskdj this got kinda hard to write after I had left it bc I lacked inspiration and here we are and I’m sorry its not the best work I’ve done asshdjsjdjs although the Denki and Sero thing is one of my favourite things my head has made up.

Requested prompts: 1. masquerade ball + 3. “please tell me that’s you!”

Pairing: Kirishima x Fem!reader

The yearly UA Halloween party had arrived once again; it would be your final one at the school and to make it special the third years were allowed to organise it. One of the girls in 3A had brought up the idea of a masquerade ball to add to the mystery, which was instantly taken very well by the committee organising it.

The class didn’t exactly have dates, it was more of a “dance with whoever, whenever” agreement. Although, people in the class could clearly predict who was going to be dancing with who, and that included you and a certain fake, red head.

The months prior to Halloween rolled around quickly and the third years were allowed a day off from their usual lessons to relax and get ready. The 3A dorms had been split, the girls getting ready on the third floor, while the boys were kept downstairs.

Excitement bubbled in the whole class, the whole year even. It was a night for them to act like teenagers instead of soon-to-be pro heroes and that was greatly appreciated.

The chattering and squealing from the girls was almost never ending as they complimented and helped each other with makeup, hair and dresses. It was a joyous little bubble that they were in and nothing could break down their morale.

If the girls didn’t praise each other constantly when taking selfies or group photos on a normal day, then it was an eternal compliment battle when getting dressed up formally together. Mina broke the chatter with a question directed towards the whole room. 

“So, who does everyone want to dance with?” Although she directed it at the whole room, she sent you a knowing glance and a shoulder nudge. The teasing you had received from a portion of your class this week was almost never ending, and each time you were bombarded with these inquiries, the spiky haired male sent you a small and unknowing smile from the other side of the classroom. 

Meanwhile, the boys were attempting to look their best, and were holding a similar conversation with each other. But it was Halloween night, and that meant some sort of trickery needed to happen for them, and it was basically in the form of dying their hair as to not be recognisable with their normal styles and contact lenses. Most of them opted for a black spray to temporarily colour their locks for the night and match their dark shirts, suits and masks. (Bakugou, a little begrudgingly, let Kirishima and Kaminari colour his hair) 

“Kiri, you ready to dance with her?” similar to what Mina did, Sero gave him a nudge and he received a wink from the tape and electric quirk holders who were busy spraying his hair back to its natural colour. 

Bakugou took this moment to scoff and join in as he fixed his orange tie, “Took his sweet time to do something if he does.” 

“You’ll twirl her, and dip her, and sweep her right off her feet” The comedic duo that were Hanta and Denki, threw their spray cans onto the bed next to them, joined hands and started re-enacting the scene they created. 

“And end with a kiss!” Sero had dipped Kaminari and they leaned in making childish kissing noises before collapsing onto the bed in a fit of laughter. 

Kirishima was brought out his thoughts with a blush across his features, even if his mask covered it, as he recalled antics from earlier. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling, emitting a soft, warm light and candelabras flickered along the tables. Mini pumpkins and cobwebs were scattered across each table’s centrepiece, but the only thing on his mind was the small handwritten note addressed to him that he had found at his table seat. 

“Meet me on the roof at 8:30, I hope to see you there x”

No one seemed to be looking at him and no one but Bakugou was near him, he had no idea who would have left it, but he hoped it was you. Taking a look at the clock he realised it was 8:15pm and well, there’s no harm in being early is there? 

All of 3A’s eyes - bar one pair - discreetly followed him to the door that would allow him access up to the roof. The class gave each other a quick look before going back to chatting and joking. 

Upon nearing the 3A girls table, you spotted a note next to your name card. The excitable pink haired girl next to you stepped forward, plucking the note from the table and read it with wide eyes under her sparkling mask.

“Oh my god, maybe it’s from him!” The excitement she felt for you was clear in her voice.

“What does it even say?” She immediately pushed the note in front of you in response to your question.

Messy handwriting had scrawled “meet me on the roof at 8:30, I hope to see you there x” along the card. Glancing at the clock you realised there were only five minutes until you were meant to meet this mystery person on the roof.

“So, are you going to meet them?”

“Mina, of course I am. If I die you’ll know where I last was”

As she dragged you towards the door, she claimed that you would be fine and that it was probably just some admirer.

The acid quirk holder observed you as you started making your way up the stairs. Giving the members of 3A knowing glances, she made her way back over to the group of girls you had originally split from.

A few meddling friends - aka Mina, Denki, Sero and an unwilling Bakugou - had organised the whole ordeal happening before you; this was obviously unknown by you and the boy awaiting on the rooftop.

Upon reaching the door that led outside, you paused to take a breath. You hoped Kirishima was waiting for you on the other side of the door. If it wasn’t him, then you’d just have to be polite as you didn’t really want to lead anyone on after this night. 

On the other side of the door, Kirishima stood waiting and staring at the scenery around him. The rooftop was lit by fairy lights and the moonlight that shone down; a small table placed a few feet away held drinks, a speaker plugged into an iPod - that looked a lot like Jirou’s - that played music softly. A small vibration from his back pocket brought him from his thoughts and he went to check the phone notification. It was a simple text from Mina that stated “Ask her to dance when she comes up”. It was then, that he knew his friends had something to do with this whole setup and an admirer did not in fact ask him to come up themselves. 

A heavy click pulled his gaze away from the phone screen and over to the door that was opening a few metres away.  His view was flooded with red material as a second click followed, signifying the door had closed and it was now time for him to speak and not make a fool of himself. 

“Uh, would you like to dance with me?” stammered the boy before you. 

Luckily for Kiri, his mask covered the rouge that was coming to his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck in anticipation of a response. A light nod was given from you in return, stepping forward to grab his other hand, which was outstretched for you. While the secrets were intriguing, the poor attempt to hide his identity and your need to find out if he was truly behind the mask was overpowering, and before you knew it, you had blurted out a statement that would have saddened the boy in front of you had your deduction not been correct. 

“Kirishima, please tell me that’s you”

He let go of your hand to slowly peel off his dark mask and reveal a flushed, but hopeful, face at the thought of you wanting it to be him.

“I guess the disguise didn't do much then?” he looked down towards his mask as he spoke, avoiding eye contact with you now that his face was exposed. You pulled away your own mask before speaking up again. 

“Not really, but a hair colour change can only do so much when you have ruby red eyes” 

He gave a soft chuckle at the defining feature that you had pointed out and his confidence increased with the knowledge of it being you that was forced up here by his friends. 

As a slower, steady song played from the speaker he outstretched his hand once again to ask for a dance and this time wasn’t interrupted by an inquiry from you. Taking his hand and placing your other on his shoulder, he moved his other hand to rest on your back and you both tried to find your way dancing together for the first time. 

The next hour was mostly elegant, apart from the toes that were stepped on when dancing, and filled with laughter at small jokes told to ease the initial awkwardness of being set up. He was easy to speak to, he was gentle and caring, and as the night continued you ended up sitting together, staring at the luminescent specks that were scattered throughout the sky. 

Halloween was coming to a close and the moments you shared that night would be cherished  for a long while. Being the gentleman that Eijirou was, he offered to walk you back to your dorm room, despite his being a level below yours. You sneaked down and out together before everyone started leaving to avoid the hustle and bustle of it all. With your right arm hooked in his left, a small, tired smile was plastered across your face the whole walk back and while you were sad about the night ending, this sparked the relationship you would hopefully soon share with the red head. 

As your door came into view, the both of you slowed your steps. There was a slight awkward tone in the air, were you to just say goodbye and leave? Should you kiss? Was he going to say something? 

The few seconds of silence that felt like hours was broken when the both of you opened your mouths to speak and promptly shut them with a laugh to let the other go first. 

He looked at you expectedly, waiting for you to speak first.

“Well, thanks to our friends, this night was a lot better than I anticipated so thank you.” a shark tooth filled smile gleamed with glittering eyes, because he was filled with joy at the thought of you enjoying the night with him. 

“I really enjoyed my night with you, so i'm glad you think the same! I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”

“Mhm!” and in those final seconds looking into his eyes, your mind had made a decision. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before pushing the door open and once inside leaning your back against it, just knowing the heat that was rushing to your cheeks.

Kirishima stood stunned and wide eyed outside of your closed door for a few moments and softly touched the spot on his cheek that you had kissed. Upon hearing footsteps and chatter from fellow classmates, he decided to make his way back to his own room where he slept well with thoughts of what he would say to you tomorrow. 

Taglist (open): @justamultifandomfan16 @shoutamajiki @meliorist-midoriya @goopyartiste @yee-harr @bizzoldmann-08 @katsushimaa @hannahalanib1 @boosyboo9206 @derpeedoo @mystic-helena @spookykiri @vhskenma

[willowistic22]

New jomike hc au!post college

I came up with this au in my head for awhile now some hc’s regarding this new au on a whim bcs i wanted to tell my friends abt it on a discord server. I thought it’s time it sees the light of day bcs i simply cannot keep it in me anymore. Also this is kind of inspired by the song Dorothea - Taylor Swift. 

Everyone is graduating so que the sappy goodbyes as they’re all gonna be scattered not just all around the us but also all around the world

The couples made a truce whether to do long distance or they share the same dreams so they do it together

But mike and jojo didn’t make things work in the end so they broke up before graduation but still went to prom together

y’know those kinds of high school hearthache

Bcs Mike stayed in new york but jojo flew away (like england or sumn idk) 

To some fancy elite school bcs he’s smart yknow

He wanted to from the start but he’s always been a bit torned bcs he knew from the start of the relationship mike was the one (call it stupid young love or whatever you want, i call it destiny:))

And mike never wanted to hold him down so he was the one that proposed the idea to him

For the most part it worked out

Jojo flew away to chase his dreams

Mike stayed and did the same thing

Both of them only kinda sorta moved on. Met new people but never fully stopped thinking abt the other. Wishing the other was by their side right now

And so they’ve gotten their degrees and gotten their dream jobs

Mike is a coder working in a video game company while jojo is in social media marketing after finishing business school (or whatever major required for that job field idk)

And they kinda hv their life together. Jojo living on his own in a studio apartment with a cat called Dorothea (see what i did there:)) money doesn’t concern him all that much bcs the job pays nicely and he’s good at handling his finances 

Mike lives alongside with his brother ike in a nice apartment too. He manages to get a position that allows him to work flexibly at home yknow. He also has a new kitten he saved from the streets named Honey (bcs his fur is orange like honey) and since his older cat had died of old age

But mike lives with ike who also lives with hotshot. So he’s like always the third wheel. Even worse when ike and hotshot are hving the occasional double date with race and spot. Mike feels even more worse at those time

Decides to hide away in his room or go out with the excuse being work

And its even worse remembering he used to go on double dates with ike and hotshot when him and jojo were still a thing

So ike is like ‘yknow what? I hv enough of this shit’ and hv one good brother to brother talk

‘Dude. It’s been years already. How are you not over him?’

‘Bcs he’s jojo...’

‘Ok? So why don’t you call him?’

It’s not like mike has never thought of calling him. Very much possible. They still follow each other’s social media’s so if his old number had changed he cld always just ask from a simple dm since mike knows jojo is still active in his social media accs

But mike is like ‘i can’t. He cld be taken for all i know. Even if he weren’t, he seems to be doing fine on his own’

‘You can’t really get to know a person through instagram posts. Remember how you tried that the first time you wanted to ask him out? You thought he didn’t like guys and yet still went on a date with you anyways’

That was a real slap in the face type of sentence yknow so mike is working up a lot of courage and planned a lot on what he’s gonna do

He first wanted to message jojo. Seeing if it’s still okay to call and all. But he cldn’t figure out what to say so he procrastinated on that part

Ike got sick of it so he took the phone from mike and messaged ‘can we call? I miss you’

Mike was hovering in between i will murder you or thank you @ ike

Either way jojo texts back with his new number. It’s gonna add up on his usual phone bill but he thinks it’s worth it.

Ok so they talked for like soooo long

7?8?hours?

Basically the whole night for mike

It felt like high school all over again

They were just catching up with each other and talking abt absolute bullshit at the same time

Till they got to the point where they mentioned how they’re both single and the air kinda shifts

Deep down mike and jojo knows what this means

As far as jojo is concerned, mike was the one that messaged him that he misses him

It’s easy now for mike to word out come home without indirectly saying it out loud in case that’s not what jojo wants

Bcs after that catching up, he knows that as much as it’s a dream for jojo to work at a big well known fashion brand (he’s pretty fashionable lmao) and get free products that are usually hella expensive from the brand, he hates everyone he works with. Real snobs and ruthless when it comes to getting a higher position

The other things abt his new life is pretty interesting and he loves it. But he admits there’s always been something missing and mike so badly wants to be that something missing in jojo’s new life

So it comes out straight forward. Not like how mike had planned, but it works in the end. ‘Come home’

And jojo does exactly that. He agrees to come home for the weekend. He books a ticket to new york then back with only a carry on duffle bag filled with a few assortments of clothing and booked it out after telling dorothea he won’t be long.

He rushes to the airport bcs he kinda booked the flight that leaves for new york as soon as possible. Perhaps deep down jojo really does know what he’s been missing in his life?

He lands in new york on a friday night new york time

Mike tells him not to worry abt what he’s wearing bcs he just wants to meet jojo at a central park bench that has long became an important spot for them

Jojo insisted on meeting as soon as he lands which is tonight. So the whole time he’s in the cab, he’s like soooo shaky and nervous it kinda drove the cab driver anxious as well. Bcs like jojo’s not talking and didn’t like say anything abt why he’s going to central park this late at night and not to some fancy hotel as most travelers wld do when they first arrive at new york

The moment the cab stops, jojo basically threw him a wad of cash. Probably too much than the actual price of the ride but he just called out from the back of his shoulder saying it’s a huge tip. Secretly, he’s thanking the cab driver for not asking him why he’s in new york and why central park at this time. It’d most likely make him even more nervous

He’s running on the path. He doesn’t reach full speed bcs his duffle bag is weighing him down. He doesn’t even know why he’s going so fast. It’s not like mike has anything else planned

Picture jojo frantically looking around the area like he’s a lost little boy in the dark. Barely seeing anyone else in ten vicinity, so any figure out at this ungodly time rn cld only mean is mike.

But he’s growing worried bcs it doesn’t seem like he’s around

Until ofc ‘jojo!’

Jojo whips his head around and sees Mike walking up to the bench from a different direction

They didn’t really do anythign at the start. They just stared at each other while standing in the dark approximately 10 feet apart. Jojo waits for a sign from mike to do anything else, though mike was doing the same thing for jojo

Until mike decides to break the 1 minute long silence ‘jojo-‘

But he didn’t continue bcs jojo was already running up to him the moment his mouth moves and tackles him into the tightest hug ever

His duffle bag was dropped halfway from the run so there was no holding back. The hug very much pushed mike’s soul out of his figure as much as it did to his body

Thankfully, mike hugged back just as tight. If not, it was a sign for jojo that it wasn’t okay to go in for a hug just yet and he wld pull back really quick

In time, jojo did end up pulling back to look at mike’s face up close and whisper ‘i still love you’

Which is really out of nature for jojo bcs he’s never really known to be the risk taker between the two

And mike was so happy at that moment that he just pulls jojo in for a kiss.

And that folks, is how they got back together:)

So everyone has agreed that airplane food sucks ass (for the most part at least. 

Jojo was forced to eat it on his plane back to new york but he didn’t like finish it

Probably bcs he was so nervous and it also didn’t look so appetizing

So after they’ve said their heartfelt ‘i still love you’s and etc mike took him back to his apartment after finding out he doesn’t hv a place to stay. He’d stay at his parents place but the de la guerra’s hv long moved out of new york. You can say the similarities between jojo and his parents are that they like to travel. They sold their house and ended up backpacking across the world to look for a place to retire inevitably. Last time he checked up on his mom, the old couple is driving to Netherlands.

So mike took him home and cooked him dinner. They hv the apartment all to themselves since hotshot and ike are out

Unknowingly, jojo had sat on honey’s favorite spot on the couch and earned a disapproving meow from the little cat

Not until mike had properly introduced them that honey started to be nicer to jojo. And so they eat dinne ron the couch and talked.

Mike admitted calling him has been on his mind for quite some time but was too scared to act up on it. And jojo said what he did just now was the most compulsive and adrenaline rush thing he’s ever done. The roles had reversed for the moment

But now they’re back where they’ve always belong. In each other’s grasp while looking out the balcony in the tiny living room to watch the sunrise and then getting surprised seeing ike and hotshot pile in the apartment

And so now they’re back. They make the most of the weekend to talk abt what they really want

Jojo wants to quit his old job. The firm is full of snobby and arrogant ppl

And it has him working almost 24/7. He doesn’t want that

Mike on the other hand wants to hv a period of his life where he’s traveling full time

So they took inspiration from ike and hotshot’s current plan : get a mini bus to convert it into a home

In conclusion jojo quits his job, moves back to new york along with his cat dorothea so he can live with mike to make that converted bus plan. After securing a proper job that let’s him work at home flexibly like mike’s, they get on with their plan and sets off to travel in their house on wheels with their two cats. They end up getting married ofc and lived happily ever after:)

Thank you and goodnight folks hsnsgsbssjshmshssmhs

[trivialoveclub]

2020 Year in Review!

hey! i was tagged by the absolute angel that is ⚘ @unefleurofferte ��(tysm my love! 💞) for this 2020 tag! first off (even tho it's the middle of january already 🤡) i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year! not to get sappy 💀 but even tho i don't rlly talk/interact that much, it brings me a lot of happiness seeing u guys on my dash 🥺💗 i genuinely am supporting and rooting for you all and i wish u guys all the love and kindness in this new year bc you deserve it babes 💖

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 Fav Films You Watched in 2020

🎬 Soul (2020) "Your spark isn't your purpose. That last box fills in when you're ready to come live."

🎬 Onward (2020) "I never had a dad, but I always had you."

🎬 Klaus (2019) "A true selfless act always sparks another."

🎬 Diecisiete (2019) "You think I'd be doing all of this if I had no heart?

Maybe you're trying to get it back."

🎬 East Side Sushi (2014) "You know behind every great restaurant here, there are great latinos, in the back, in the kitchen, hidden. Prepping the food and making you all look good. Well, I don't want to be in the back anymore."

5 Fav TV Shows You Watched In 2020

📺 Like in The Movies (2020) "Do you ever feel like you're not the protagonist of your own story?"

📺 Given (2019) "Do you have anyone you like, Haruki-san? If that person suddenly disappeared from this world, what would you say?"

📺 Banana Fish (2018) "My soul is always with you."

📺 Masterchef Junior (2013-) Not a quote but Gordon Ramsay always says the dishes has "finesse" and now i can't stop saying it in everything 😭

📺 Next in Fashion (2020)

5 Fav Songs You Listened To In 2020

🎶 UGH! : BTS 🎶 "You're allowed to be angry, but bothering someone else's life, I don't like"

🎶 Fuyu No Hanashi : Given 🎶 "Just like the snow that hasn't completely melted in the shade I continue on with these feelings inside of me."

🎶 So Beautiful : DPR Ian 🎶 "My love is turning kinda gray / My heart is looking the other way."

🎶 PSYCHE : Joohoney 🎶 "All of the world pay attention"

🎶 Stay Tonight : Chungha 🎶 "Tell me what you wanna do, run away or stay tonight"

Top 5 Albums of 2020

💿 Map of The Soul 7 : BTS

UGH! ⏯ Black Swan ⏯ Inner Child

💿 Fatal Love : Monsta X

Sorry I'm Not Sorry ⏯ Nobody Else ⏯ Guess Who

💿 Ungodly Hour : Chloe x Halle

ROYL ⏯ Forgive Me ⏯ Lonely

💿 Mixtape [ PSYCHE ] : Joohoney

PSYCHE ⏯ Intro (Ambition) ⏯ DIA

💿 Chromatica : Lady Gaga

Replay ⏯ Sour Candy ⏯ Alice

Top 5 Books You Read in 2020

🤡 🤡 🤡

...i haven't read for fun in years 😔 i used to read a book every single day :(( but! i already have a list of ones i want to read so this year for sure im gonna be that girl again 🤧💅🏼

💌 How did you spend your birthday this year? 💌

uh hahaha 🤡 suddenly i can't read 🤡

well...i had to take my drivers test but i had no idea how to park so i mean obvs i was gonna fail 💀 so i got super anxious and then had a breakdown in the back seat when it was getting closer to my turn 😭 my parents had to reschedule it and take me home. i felt like such a disappointment. so it started off absolutely horrible, fortunately the rest of the day was a lot better but oof 🤪

💌 What was your most memorable day? 💌

i honestly cannot remember anything 😭 it's like one big blur but ummm...probably finishing high school! i felt like i could finally breathe 🥲

💌 What was your most memorable meal you had this year? 💌

hmm...ooo probably when my abuelita made us a bunch of paches de papa 🥺 i ate them for a whole week and i loved it entirely...my heart is pache shaped 🤧💘

💌 Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? 💌

hmm i don't think i got any new ones but i did get to be reminded again on how much i genuinely enjoy making food and like decorating/personalizing things! ☺💖

💌 What was the last big event/thing you remember doing before covid? 💌

uhhh i honestly can't think of anything? i literally don't go out 🤡 like im in chilling in this quarantine lifestyle bc nothing has changed for me 🤪

💌 5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020? 💌

🌱 i finally escaped high school! 🎓🎉

🌱 i decided to take a gap year and the burnt out student inside me feels like she can finally exhale

🌱 i can't remember if it was in early 2020 or late 2019 but anyways I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE 😝😝 i honestly...do not know how i got it...i took 15+ minutes to park (as u can see your girl didn't learn her lesson) but bless that man for passing me i hope u have a beautiful life sir 😭💖 however i have not stepped in the driver's seat since then 💋 i refuse 💋

🌱 i honestly would say watching Soul 🥲💗 i've always been obsessed w my meaning and purpose in life and that movie rlly just hit home for me...i think about it everyday and im literally starting to tear up right now so let me just stop 🤪

🌱 hmm honestly just being home 💗 i now have an excuse to stay in all time and that brings me so much peace in my heart 🤧

💌 Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year? 💌

that there's a lot to live for. and i rlly want to enjoy it? and like w the gap year i still feel guilty and still feel like im wasting time and not being productive (love being a capricorn 🤪) but im trying to not think like that...and the fact that Soul came out and it's whole message is literally like life is beautiful and it's meant to be lived 🥺 it rlly like...set that for me u know...there's so many little things that truly make me excited about life and i want to enjoy it and after those 4 years in high school of constant work and stress and losing my entire mind maybe i actually deserve it 🥲 so um yeah..sjdkajd

💌 And what are you most looking forward to in 2021? 💌

a lot ☺ everything honestly...wow omg that's so weird asjakjd ahhh 😭😭💘 [insert that paul rudd who would have thought not me meme] but i wanna do sm much!! bake and cook and learn to knit! and personalize my clothes and READ! and watch movies and shows! and i'll also be going back to school so i rlllllllllyyyyyyyy want to learn how to manage my time bc my procrastination truly fucked me in the ass in hs 🤡 but yeah im excited ahh! ☺

And We're Done!

oof my memory is so awful i feel like i can't remember anything that happened in 2020 🤡 this ended up being a bit long 💀 so if u made it to the end...thank u for reading...ily 😚💌 besitos for you! 💞

tagging these cuties 💘: @moonlattae @fluorescente @glossierjoon @ardores @star99 @jooniephoria @ahearthrob @catboyjm @yoongidisease @violetmoonlits @koyan @stardustyoongi @7blueside @m1amor @sobsyub @m8nstruck @souheii @1okyos @virgomoon @alevchaan @jihyoist