#This time I was smarter and wrote it on my notes app first

[lialox]

Do you remember this part!? He asked her if she was tls123, why would she write the story/create this world

And she's looking at him LIKE THIS

Like someone who knows the truth, but hiding it, like someone who in the back of her head, has some idea but can't exactly remember it

Look at the look on her faccccccccccccceeeeeeee

I had to rewrite this since Tumblr glitched out and wiped out my super long response.

My one paragraph of thank you for blessing my eyes with Doksoo.

My delusional response of linking this moment with the epilogue.

Tumblr deleted it all 😭 and I lost the will to retype it for so long LOL

ANYWAYS. I was gonna say I read the Webtoon first and picked up the novel where it left off and I had TOTALLY MISSED the significance of those panels!! The foreshadowing! The eyes!!

I like how they used a completely white backdrop for this. It reminds me of ‘the snowfield’ (refer back to my meta about the whole universe being just a conversation between them both). If that was intentional — GENIUS.

But what I really wanted to get into was the concept of HSY writing ORV in the first place. She was certain every fragment of him would recognize her hand in a story somehow. 

And because Kim Dokja could recognize her, in any life, in any universe, that was how he could come back. (Love is real!!! Doksoo is REAL!!!)

So now we get to this part of the story.

KIM DOKJA RECOGNIZED HER.

In the same way every fragment of him would look for every trace of her!!

Their universe is a cycle. There’s enough foreshadowing present in ORV to indicate that KDJ has already gone through this scenario before in some way plus 1863rd HSY also believed that her life operated in a cycle where she would ultimately live through the scenarios, give up her life to write TWSA, forget it all, and go through the scenarios to write it again. (somepartofhimknows)

To have asked if she’s tls123. (I do not remember this part of the novel, it’s been a while!!)

Can you imagine what even insinuating this means for him? HELLO!!? Tls123 has been his long time online friend!! His only one! They’ve been yapping over DM’s since he was 15! They talk everyday due to WOS’ daily updates!! KDJ says “the fandom of TWSA calls it Ways of Survival” but he actually means just him and tls123!!

This is like the equivalent of asking, are you the only friend I’ve had growing up? The one person who gave me every reason to survive in my own ruined world?

Are you the reason I still exist? 

Some part of him knows. This is the woman who wrote a story only for him!! 

“I can’t explain it, but it feels like I’ve known you forever” <- the kind of pure love that is Doksoo 🥹🥺

[elviraaxen]

ive really been loving the pacing of your story and i enjoy the concept and the bits that have been released about the plot! youre doing really well, and i admire it greatly!!

ive been having trouble figuring out an overall plot in my own work, i just have character ideas and the vaguest idea for a storyline. i try to just write but then i usually end up taking a break (re: dumping it) because i don't have anymore ideas for how to complete the plot. i've laso been curious about how you go about writing for a comic (do you write then do thumbnails? do thumbnails then go back to figure out dialogue? a third thing?) so i was wondering if you had any advice or resource tips for writing? both for comics and for overarching plots, if that's okay

if you don't have any ideas tho, no worries. i was just curious. good luck with Felt World! i love everything that's coming out so far, thank you for gifting us it!!

Oh thank you so much!! I can't say I'm a comic book artist at heart because I really don't have much experience, I was only an illustrator for a short while and never wrote anything myself, but learning from past mistakes (i.e. I don't stick to plans), I've so far done this and it seems to work:

I'm one of those that don't like to plan strict layouts for the entire thing, because chances are I will not stick to it, so what I've done for felt world is just write a sketch for the overarching plot, the b-plot and c-plot, with rough estimates in what order I want the major plot points and settings to be. My current sketch looks like this;

(which is done in Miro) and as you can see there aren't that many plot points, because I want to have the wiggle room to come up with something on the spot. And also, my comic focuses a lot on interpersonal relationships, character development, and themes rather than the plot, which means it needs to be concise or else the comic is gonna take 6 million years to finish.

And now,, I think this might just be how I work, but I think it's easier to be creative when you have strict restrictions rather than all the choices in the world.

for me, personally, I restrict an update of 10 pages tops, because instagram only allows max 10 images per post! This means I have to 1) fit all I want to say in 10 pages, 2) it has to be concise or else I infodump on readers, and 3) I have to answer some sort of question within the update, or else I said nothing and I start over.

As for scripts, I tend to write one or two sentences of what's going to happen for the update, and then I get to thumb-nailing and sketching right away! I come up with most of the dialogue on the spot too.

And also, I think what's most important, is that you take your damn time! If you aren't immersing yourself in your own world, how do you expect your readers to do the same?

I'm very much a believer that the stories you are telling are something that comes to you naturally if you just sit with it and listen rather than demand that it makes itself known to you. When I brainstorm for felt world I quite literally sit in my bed and go "omg!! And then what? :0" TO MYSELF LMAO as if I'm not making everything up myself! I think that's extremely important that your story is engaging to you first and foremost!

And as for more practical tips

carry a notebook with you or use your notes app AS SOON as you get ideas to write them down! No you will not remember, lol.

set rules of what you're not allowed to do with your story so that you don't fall into lazy trope territory! You can do that when you brain storm, but finesse the story post brainstorm to just make it.. smarter.. if that makes sens For example, don't kill your gay characters, don't make sensitive men the butt of the joke, don't make your women fight over men (unless it's the point), etc.

set physical restrictions! For example, max amount of pages per upload, max amount of pages for the whole story, max amount of characters, etc.! That literally forces you to problem solve, which by definition is creativity! Like, oh you can't do this the obvious way? Do it the creative way! That's way more fun!

I could probably go on, but this is too long already! But I hope it at least helped somewhat!

[hacash]

Ted Lasso 2x03 thoughts

SAM OBISANYA EVERYONE

SERIOUSLY

JUST SAM

EVERYTHING ABOUT SAM

IF YOU DON’T LOVE SAM YOU’RE WRONG

I - just - I saw a preview saying Sam was going to have a ‘protest in sport’ storyline this season and I thought that the writers could probably pull it off, but nonetheless it was a relief to see that they did pull it off. The fact that the momentum of the protest was pushed by Sam and the Nigerian players rather than someone like Ted or Rebecca was good - the fact that Sam fully held his own with dignity and integrity all the way through the ep was good - the fact that we had Ted acknowledging that when bad things happen to white dudes like him the press covers it without encouragement was good….

On a slightly more baseline reaction: I love every second I see Sam’s lovely smiling face on my screen and will continue to do so.

There’s literally nothing I can say about the taping-up-the-shirts scene other than it made me tear up at 9.30AM and that’s not a thing that usually happens in my life.

We’re finally getting more Richmond FC screentime! It’s pertinent that we see this on the ep where Jamie returns - how much camaraderie and genuine friendship has built up since he left - but just any excuse to see those daft happy faces together. The general ribbing of Sam’s ad, the post-match party together - I adore these himbos.

A special shout out to: ‘I’m nervous and excited, kind of like whenever Colin takes me somewhere in his Lamborghini’ ‘Yeah it’s way too much car for me.’ As a fellow Welsh person, I can confirm that flash speedy supercars really aren’t part of our national DNA.

I’m also hoping that Richard talking in French and Zoreaux translating for him becomes a regular thing.

I love how they wrote Jamie’s return: it would have been so easy for him to come back and have all be forgiven, but they made it messy and complicated and have forgiveness come in dribs and drabs. I love that Jamie didn’t immediately understand everything about the team’s feelings and that his first impulse was to buy their acceptance back (that’s a painful little snapshot into his psyche right there) and that we saw people like Sam and Nate and Colin be allowed to be petty with him returning. I also loved seeing Keeley not being put into the role of ‘Jamie’s minder’ again but instead pushing him to speak with Sharon, a person who is actually paid to deal with this crap - it was an understated but neat little moment of a woman demonstrating personal boundaries with the men in her life.

What I absolutely adored, though, was that the final reconciliation comes after Jamie puts his own fame and reputation and wallet on the line by joining in with Sam’s protest. It was a proper ‘I’m part of this team even if it hits me where it hurts’ sacrifice when before Jamie has only ever been about himself, and such a neat resolution to the rift.

Is anyone else concerned about Coach Beard’s relationship with Jane? All these fights do not sound healthy.

I really like how the boys react to Keeley now - it seems to be a genuine friendship between her and the team, as opposed to the mutual objectification on all sides that we saw in the first episode. Her becoming the entire team’s big sister warms my cold heart.

Nora was a delight. I was a little worried about her inclusion because so often TV writers can’t get teenage girls right - they’re always a bit too sassy and perfectly put together and smarter than every adult in the room - but Nora was the perfect blend of snark and teenage insecurity. Her crush on Sam was both adorable and the most relatable thing about her; and her bonding with Rebecca was adorable - I really enjoyed the email composition scene, and hope we get more of her in the future.

Rebecca ‘Ally Who Stands By Her Boys At All Times And Takes No Shit’ Welton is an absolute queen.

For a show about Ted Lasso there wasn’t so much Ted in this ep (the Led Tasso scene was pretty fun, admittedly), but all I can say is a dating app with no pictures that both Ted and Rebecca are on, leading to a YOU’VE GOT MAIL AU TED AND REBECCA???? PLEASE. I need this like air.

Also: Ted Lasso as a sexual partner who is, and I quote, ‘so eager to please’??? Rebecca take notes, girl.

Similarly not so much Roy in this ep, but his appearance on Sky Sports was once again a thing of absolute beauty. (’I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch’ is a line I am going to use all the time now.) I would pay Brett Goldstein any amount of money to join Sky Sports and commentate on real life football as Roy.

Higgins being so easy around Rebecca and lying (unsuccessfully) to a teenage girl to big up his boss in front of her granddaughter was a perfect and underrated moment. Their friendship just makes my heart explode.

I’ve already shrieked my head off about Colin being all but confirmed as on Grindr and how it will take a lot to disabuse me of my ‘bisexual disaster who drives like an idiot’ headcanon (I mean, they put the two lines in the same scene ffs), but it does bear repeating. I actually love him, your honour.

Probably my favourite episode of the season so far. Next Friday’s Christmas shenanigans cannot come soon enough.

[damnzawa]

hii can i request a kageyama love alarm au pls? hope u have a lovely day 🥺🤍

MILK CONFESSIONS — K. TOBIO

Note(s): Mayhaps I love this AU with Kageyama,, mayhaps I might also do one for Kenma/Kuroo haha,, also mayhaps I might post an Aizawa smut tomorrow 👀👀 ANYWAYS,, I LOVE THIS REQUEST AAAA i love kageyama tobio,, i love haikyuu,, i love them ALL! So feel free to request anything! My AU FEST! is till open too! So request your heart out!

Warning(s): Jealous Kageyama mwehehe, Yachi x Hinata (because I do whatever the fuck I want and I say in this AU they're meant to be ok?)

—

"Oi, Kageyama." A noisy crow interrupted Kageyama's inner debate on what to get from the vending machine. There on his left, stood in his short, tangerine glory, Hinata Shoyo. Hinata seemed eager to tell Kageyama something, and it appeared fishy to the blueberry.

"What?" He asked in his usual grumpy tone. Hinata pulled out his phone and started waving it at him.

"Look! Look! Someone loves me!" What does he mean by that? Does his parents not love him or something? "I downloaded this app called 'Love Alarm'! Everyone's using it so I thought might as well try right? Anyways, it syncs with your heart and tells the person you like that you like them if you're in a 10 mile radius! It also tells you if someone likes you! It doesn't tell you the name though so it might confuse your dumb brain!" Out of all the bullshit that came out of Hinata's mouth, the last one annoyed Kageyama the most.

"Oi, who are you calling dumb?" His menacing aura could almost kill Hinata. Almost. Hinata's used to it by now.

"You!" Hinata let out an 'ow!' as Kageyama hit his tangerine head. "A-Anyways, you should try it too! I was walking down the hallway earlier and my alarm rang off! Someone loves me! In this school!"

"I don't wanna. It's a waste of time." Kageyama replied before pressing the milk button. "And that app's a fake, dumbass. Don't believe in them. It's a scam."

"Psh. You're just saying that because no one probably loves you." That made Kageyama's eye twitch. Hinata smiled in triumph as he saw the boy's expression change.

Kageyama, who had a determined look on his face, grabbed his milk and faced Hinata who had a smug smile plastered on his face.

"I'll download the app. Let's see if you're right about that, dumbass." And with that Kageyama left a smiling Hinata alone on the corridor. Grabbing his phone, he made a reminder to download it when he got home.

He'll prove that dumbass wrong. He'll make Hinata pay hell later. And he'll also see if this app's a scam or not.

—

"This is stupid." You groaned as you turned on the 'Love Alarm' app on your phone. "Why do I believe in this app anyways? It's probably a scam or something." Clearly, an app wouldn't know who you're in love with right? It's just absurd. Who could possibly make such an app?

But... it wouldn't hurt to try right?

Spotting a certain blueberry just around the corner, you took a deep breath. Thump. Thump. Thump. There goes your heart again, beating as fast as it could whenever you see the volleyball maniac. You never really know why you liked him in the first place. You two weren't close nor you were strangers to each other. You two were friends—if Kageyama even considers you that—but not like Hinata-Kageyama level. It was more like on a 'I-tolerate-you' level. You don't know everything about each other but still know enough things that are personal. You both have the same interests too, it being playing volleyball. Though you weren't in his class—you actually are smarter than him—you still talked when you can. Though, conversations with him mostly happens by the vending machine while he ponders on what to get.

Something about him just attracted you. Maybe it was his looks? Or maybe it was because of his passion? Either way, you liked Kageyama. You liked him a lot. A lot, a lot.

There was only one problem.

You don't know how to confess.

You know you were probably gonna be rejected. All Kageyama thinks about is volleyball after all. His head is a volleyball. So having romantic feelings for anyone or anything except the sport? Impossible. It's unlikely to never happen at all. You're pretty sure he'll marry the sport. So confessing? Hah. No way.

That was before Love Alarm anyway.

You figured Kageyama would have one. So, you thought of a plan to confess without him actually knowing that it's you.

Slowly approaching him, you gulped nervously. You saw Hinata approaching as well. Great, ok. If his Love Alarm rings, he'll probably think it's Hinata or something. Good.

You kept on walking, and walking, and walking. Until you heard an alarm ring. Kageyama's eyes widened as his eyes darted around until it landed on you. Your eyes widened then you fled the scene. Flustered and beet red.

Welp, there goes your friendship with him down the drain.

"Woah! My Love Alarm rang!" Hinata exclaimed happily as his eyes searched for the one who had feelings for him. "Ah! Who could it be?! I still haven't figured it out yet!" Kageyama released an annoyed sound at that. He couldn't believe it. You? You liked the dumbass? Surely you can do better than that.

Kageyama paused. Well that explains everything then.

The way you 'sneakily' glance at Hinata whenever him and that tangerine practice, or the way you act differently around him as well. Kageyama hated the fact that you seemed a lot calmer when you're with Hinata, you radiated a different aura too. But with him, you seemed nervous, always stuttering and being polite.

He glared at Hinata, who was currently daydreaming about the one who rang his Love Alarm, then stomped off.

He certainly wasn't setting to that tangerine dumbass today.

Meanwhile you were panicking behind the bushes as you watched Kageyama get angry from afar. Oh shit. He certainly didn't like that. Judging from his expression, he seemed repulsed by it. Cringing a little, you sighed and walked away.

Avoiding him it is then.

—

The past few days, you stayed dejected and it showed. Yachi worried about you and went into mother hen mode everytime she was near you. Though you appreciated the gesture, it didn't lift your spirits at all. Your mind kept recalling the disgusted look on Kageyama's face and the hatred within his eyes. You sighed and banged your head on your desk. Idiot. You're an idiot. A complete idiot. A greater idiot than Hinata.

You avoided Kageyama completely. You made sure you never crossed paths with him. You stopped buying milk from the vending machine too, opting to buy some at the Sakonoshita store on your way to school. You also took another route to get to the gym the girl's volleyball team uses. All of those in hopes that Kageyama wouldn't find you.

"Yachi-san. I'm sorry but I'm not in the mood to go over some notes today. Please leave me alone for a while." You said once you felt a presence infront of you. You were alone in the classroom until said presence came over. Silence came after. Yachi didn't say a word as you burried your head further in your desk—if that was even possible. You were about to tell her off when suddenly two Love Alarms rang, catching the attention of some passerbys.

Your head shot up once you realized what happened. Your Love Alarm rang. Who could it possibly—?

There they were. Looking as shocked as you are. Infront of you sat Kageyama, who had just turned his Love Alarm on. Neither of you said a word for a while and just looked at each other. Holy shit. Kageyama... Kageyama likes you too? How could he? Doesn't he hate you? How? What the fuck?

"I was right..." Kageyama stated making you confused. Right about what? You liking him? "This app truly is a scam." And with that Kageyama took off, leaving you in the room.

A scam?

Doesn't that mean...?

Oh.

He doesn't like you.

You knew it. You knew it, and yet you hoped he would reciprocate your feelings. What a dumbass you were. Giving yourself false hope. Looking for a sign that he might like you back.

What a fucking dumbass.

What a fucking dumbass, Kageyama was. Surely this app is fake, right?

No, it wasn't.

The app was right.

He had feelings for you.

Do you have feelings for him? If you didn't, his Love Alarm wouldn't ring, right? Besides, you two were the only ones in the classroom. So it couldn't be someone else. But surely you don't like him and Hinata right?

Right?

Kageyama groaned. Feelings are hard to deal with and this Love Alarm just made it harder.

"Oi! Kageyama!" Speaking of the tangerine devil, Hinata appeared with Yachi in tow. "I know who rang my Love Alarm now! It was Yachi-san!"

What?

What?

It was Yachi?

Not you?

Oh, he was certainly gonna confess to you later.

—

"Y/n." A blueberry volleyball maniac blocked your way while you were heading to the volleyball gym. You looked down, not meeting his eyes. After what happened earlier, you didn't want to see Kageyama ever again. You feared that Kageyama would chew you out and slap your so called friendship on your face. You feared that he'll wash everything you shared down the drain. You feared whatever his response may be. You dreaded this. You didn't want to interact with him yet but it seemed that the universe had some other plans with you and Kageyama.

"Here." A milk carton appeared in your sight. Upon closer inspection, you saw Kageyama's messy writing on it. "Take it."

"Is this some kind of a 'sorry-but-I'm-rejecting-you' gift? Because if it is, then I don't want it Kageyama. I don't want your pity."

"It's not." Kageyama replied before shoving the milk carton in your hands. "Just read it."

Sighing in defeat, you read the words Kageyama wrote on the carton.

'Thank you for ringing my Love Alarm.'

"What's this? Why are you thanking me?" You voiced out your thoughts. "Aren't you mad? You seemed mad when I rang your Love Alarm near the gym last week."

"I was mad." Kageyama answered your question making your shoulders slump. Upon seeing your dejected state, Kageyama frowned. He hated seeing you like this. He just wanted you to smile shyly at him again. Or invite him to the vending machine and waste lunch time chatting away about some random topic. He just wanted things to be back to normal. Maybe he even wants to date you. "But it wasn't because you rang my Love Alarm."

Before you can even ask him about it, he continued speaking. "I was mad because I thought you rang Hinata's Love Alarm." Your eyes widened at that. It was Hinata's Love Alarm that rang that time? It wasn't his? How could that possibly be? It was Kageyama you liked, not Hinata. "Turns out, Yachi-san's the one who rang his alarm. She was behind him that time. They confessed earlier." Oh. So, that's why Yachi left in a rush.

"Why didn't your Love Alarm rang that time then? Didn't you have it turned on?"

"I still haven't downloaded the app. I didn't believe in it. But now that I know it's not a scam, don't avoid me anymore. Come back and drag me to the vending machine every lunch." Your heart thumped once again. "Let's even get meat buns from Coach after practice." Does this mean what you think it does?

"Are...Are you asking me out or...?"

"Of course I am, dumbass. Is that a yes?"

"It sure is."

[realtimereports]

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As online marketers in 2020, there's one significant thing that we share: We're driven by information. Despite whether we're copywriters, social media supervisors, videographers, or web designers, data is key to helping us determine which jobs are successful, which methods may need more of a spending plan, and which methods we need to leave behind.

Even if you have an analytics software application that tracks a campaign's traffic, engagements, ROI, and other KPIs, you'll likely still require to take some time to arrange these numbers, evaluate them, and create a reasonable method to report on your projects to your group or customers. In the past, marketing companies and companies charged full-timers with reporting-related responsibilities. real time reports.

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This is an issue that my Cleveland-based marketing company, PR 20/20, encountered a couple of years back. As part of our procedure, we produce monthly efficiency reports for each of our customers. When we produce them, we pull the information from HubSpot and Google Analytics. Then, we compose a report to describe the information to our colleagues, clients, and task stakeholders.

However, although they were assisting our customers, creating them was holding our team back. While our clients found the reports important, the procedure of pulling the data, examining it, and preparing the reports easily took five hours per customer, per month. This took our marketers far from tasks that might have been productive in the long run, such as conceptualizing new concepts and techniques that could visibly assist their customers.

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Whenever you're trying to explore or implement a brand-new technique, you'll wish to look into the subject completely. For example, you'll want to recognize your budget and after that look into software application that suits it. You'll likewise wish to determine the advantages and disadvantages of any software you think about. This will help you better acquaint yourself with the world of AI and which tools can actually help you.

Prior to choosing that we desired to improve our reporting method, we 'd been researching AI through resources at our Marketing AI Institute. The Institute is a media company that aims to make AI more friendly for online marketers. time reports. Because we launched the business, we have actually published more than 400 short articles on AI in marketing.

2 billion. After learning about how AI had already streamlined lots of marketing-related procedures, we chose to explore how automation and expert system could help us with our clients at PR 20/20. We ended up being consumed with how smarter technology could increase earnings and lower costs. While doing so, we discovered natural language generation (NLG) innovation that wrote plain English automatically.

You've encountered NLG anytime you have actually used Gmail's Smart Compose function. Or, when you hear Amazon's Alexa react to your voice inquiries. As soon as we discovered a possibly practical NLG software, we decided to run an experiment to see if the AI technology might partly or fully automate our efficiency report writing procedure.

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Now, the next action is to browse for software that works for your company. Here are a couple of things you'll need to consider: You'll want to consider the expense of any of the software application's memberships or costs, as well as the cost to implement it. For example, you might require to contract or employ an engineer to prepare your information and take any actions to ensure the software works smoothly.

Make certain to comprehend what you'll require to do if something isn't working effectively so you do not sustain any emergency costs. As a marketer, you will not want to rely on a full-time engineer to utilize AI software application to run your reports. You'll wish to purchase software that your less tech-savvy staff member can ultimately get trained on and discover. time reports.

As you select software, you'll likewise want to locate case research studies, reviews, or user testimonials that explain how a company used the software to run reports or complete a similar activity. This will provide you an idea of if the item you're considering has a good track record or credibility in the AI software application industry.

Here are two highly-regarded examples: Domo is a data visualization and reporting tool that integrates with significant data and analytics platforms including Google Analytics. When you link these platforms, you can use a control panel to set up and generate data visualizations or reports for your customers. These visualizations include pie charts, other graphs, and word clouds.

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The platform offers guides on how to produce datasets or spreadsheets that its algorithms will recognize as well as a drag and drop guide which asks you to submit specific info such as "Monthly Budget plan." Here's a quick demo that shows Domo in action: This reporting software application permits you to generate reports or reporting control panels that your group and clients can edit and cross-collaborate on.

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Aside from data visualizations, you can likewise include boxes to your control panels that reveal you scorecards that note whether you're hitting your goals or not, in addition to filters that assist you drill down on particular aspects of your task. Here's a demo explaining how small companies such as nonprofits can take advantage of the software application's dashboard reporting features: Despite which product you pick, you'll likely require to prepare your data in a manner that your software application's robotic or algorithm could quickly acknowledge and analyze - automatic report.

Plecto ApS

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Phone: +45 71 99 71 60

Email: support@plecto.com

Real-time insights

The software application needed structured information in columns and rows to generate text. So, first, we had to pull HubSpot and Google Analytics information into spreadsheets. Because doing this manually would take excessive time and limit the potential time conserved with automation, we utilized APIs and constructed our own algorithm using Google Apps Scripts to pull information into a Google Sheet.

We understood NLG software application would be unlikely to deal with entirely custom-made reports well. So, we developed a design template for these reports that didn't alter every month. To produce a format for each report, we determined a set of 12 common questions we were trying to address for clients monthly: Just how much traffic concerned your site, and how does that compare to the previous month? In 2015? How engaged was last month's site traffic? What were the top traffic-driving channels? Was there fluctuation in general traffic, and if so, what caused it? How did the blog site carry out last month? How engaged was blog site traffic? What were the top-performing article? Were there any modifications in blog traffic last month, and if so, what triggered them? The number of objectives or new contacts were generated last month? What were the top transforming pages? Where did objectives or brand-new contacts originate? Was there any modification in overall goals or lead volume, and if so, what was responsible? A great AI software will either permit you to develop files or even dashboards, as your reports.

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When we 'd structured our data and developed a basic report format, we had to translate our basic report format into an NLG template. The design template was basically a completed version of an efficiency report. When the NLG software runs, this report gets copied into the NLG software application. Then rules are applied to the copy to programmatically update what's written based upon the structured data offered.

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The last output might be a CSV, Word, or Google Doc file. Even if you're working with a trustworthy AI software, you'll still want to check it and fix any problems that emerge. This avoids any AI-related occurrences from happening when the tool is actively being utilized by workers or on tight deadlines.

Plecto ApS

Address: Viby Ringvej 11, 1 tv

Phone: +45 71 99 71 60

Email: support@plecto.com

Real-time insights

And we ultimately perfected the process to regularly produce clear, precise automated efficiency reports. If a software application company that you work with deals a trial or discount rate for testing out their product, leverage it. This will permit you to witness first-hand if the expense of the item outweighs its advantages, or give you time to determine if there is a preferable item that you need to be utilizing - time reports.

When you do this, here are a couple of things that you'll wish to examine: The amount of time that the software is saving workers, or if there were any bugs, just how much time the software application cost. The amount of other efficient or revenue-generating tasks your group was able to get done with the extra time you had.

Sales Reporting 101: Here's Everything ...propellercrm.com

As we tracked our brand-new automated efficiency reports, we discovered that our tools took a portion of the time to produce the very same report that we took hours to create. Furthermore, the level of information in our client reports is now constant throughout all accounts. Prior to we carried out AI tools, the reports were only as strong as the account team's convenience level of analyzing marketing efficiency reports.

Study Report Writer - Synchrogenix

The only handbook part of the process now involves spot-checking the data for precision, applying some styling, and after that sending out. real-time progress reporting. What when took us five hours per report now takes 10 minutes. While the original process needed to be managed by multiple teammates, only one employee is needed for spot-checking.

Although our team has the ability to gain access to AI companies and specialists for our in-office experiments, other little service online marketers can likewise benefit from this strategy rather economically. Nevertheless, bear in mind that AI execution can take some time. For us, we required to put time into developing structured datasets, along with our Report design template so that our AI software application could read our analytics and draft reports correctly.

Complete info, faster conclusions, and much better decision-making digital-era success hinges on them (automatic reporting). However an organization with a single version of the reality, spreadsheets filled with accurate information, is still a couple of rungs brief of success. One reason: management needs easy-to-digest reports that translate the numbers. That tends to lead to cleaner interpretations and crisper decision-making.

These items drill-down into ab organization's database and auto-produce easy-to-understand, written reports from the very same information that Microsoft Excel utilizes to create graphics. Some of these relatively brand-new AI tools also known as natural language generation, or NLG, software application are variations of the exact same technology that helps major media companies produce computer-written news products.

Top Use Cases In Automated Report Writing - Phrazor

Anna Schena, a senior item manager at Story Science, another AI-generated composing toolmaker, states that "data storytelling" indicates users do not have to discover how to evaluate spreadsheets or glean insights from long rows of control panel dials. "Easy-to-understand language and one-click cooperation features ensure that everybody in a business really comprehends the data, all the time," Schena says.

States Sharon Daniels, CEO of Arria: "NLG-driven, multi-dimensional stories are the advancement that [data-generated] visuals were years back. The big data issue was partially addressed with the development of organization intelligence dashboards," she discusses. "However while visuals paint a picture, they're not the complete image." Adds Daniels: "The ability to gain access to key details in near real-time communicated as if written

[illneverrecover]

the point of no return | kth (m)

➛pairing: Kim Taehyung / reader  ➛summary: Just when your evening out has gone to complete shit, you stumble - quite literally - into the cutest man walking the cutest dog, who manages to turn it all around. Or, alternatively - how drunkenly losing your debit card on your quest for nachos lands you the best lay of your life. ➛genre: starting out musician!AU. humor, smut, fluff. the trifecta. ➛word count: 10,896 (oof.)  ➛rating: explicit/mature ➛warnings: alcohol use, cursing, oral (male & female receiving), unprotected sex, fingering, spanking, slight over-stimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, creampie, very minor cum play, brief mention of the word ‘sir’, relatively vanilla considering I wrote it. ➛notes: Welp. We all knew this was going to happen, right? I can only scream about the man in the tags for so long before the thirst is going to come out. This whole idea started from watching Tae & Yeontan’s V-Live with @quinnkoo​​ and @jimins-ass-eater​ and saying, “damn, imagine seeing him walking his dog at 1 am.” To which they replied, “Oh god, you'd probably be drunk and without your debit card or something. He'd pity you and help you home.” They aren’t wrong. I also want to give a quick shoutout to those above ladies and the lovely @serensama who encouraged me to write this and post it, hyping me the whole way. Love you, beeches. ➛song: Magnets - Disclosure ft. Lorde

This was the worst date of your life.

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a date. What had started off as a girls night with your best friends had quickly turned into them pairing off shortly after entering the bar and leaving you all by your lonesome to try and finagle an extra shot in your vodka seltzer for free.

Those bitches.

You couldn’t be mad at them, truly. A quick glance showed that Suzu had managed to have a full cutie wrapped around her finger in a round booth near the bar, her big brown eyes batting at him innocently as he whispered a sweet something in her ear. You snorted when you heard her pull a fake-but-I-want-to-bone-you laugh, leaning forward to place a hand a little high on his thick thighs. Good for her, she deserves to get some.

Next to her, Serena had a sleepy young man practically eating out of the palm of her hand, which was nothing new, truly. She always managed to have some victim within her grasp, and though this one looked shy, he also looked seconds away from dropping to the floor and licking her boot if she asked.

Usually that would leave you with Quinn, the two of you notorious for sipping drinks and judging the patrons of whatever fine establishment you had ended up at, but she was occupied with Mr. Thigh’s friend. Her back turned towards Suzu, she had a playful narrow in her eyes, leaning into a tall brunette who’s baby face hid a wicked smirk at whatever snark she was throwing his way.

That was how you found yourself alone, trying – and failing – to ignore what must’ve been the fourth in the Drunk Man Squad. He had followed when you snuck off to the bar, abandoning the table of love birds, and hadn’t stopped pestering with shitty pick up lines and not so subtle glances at your chest.

He wasn’t bad, you supposed, but he also wasn’t great. The sleeze rolled off of him in waves, and the way he kept smirking like he had the biggest dick in the room had your eyes practically rolling into the back of your skull. You weren’t drunk nor horny enough for his antics, which was truly saying a lot.

“So, what’s a pretty thing like you drink?”

“Vodka. A lot of it.” Sipping the dregs of your glass, you raised and wiggled it to show your interest in another, smiling when the bartender seemed to read your mind. The man next to you chuckled, leaning forward until his sticky breath was ghosting on your ear, making you want to gag.

“What’s your name, sexy?”

“Not Interested.” you give him a tight smile, the faux politeness dripping from your voice. Turning back towards the bar, you hope he’s smarter than he looks and will leave you in your quest to not feel your face, however he proves you wrong moments later.

“I’m Trent.”

“Neat.” Your drink couldn’t get in your hands fast enough, the minute the cool glass slid towards your waiting palm you had already lifted it to your lips, gulping down the burning liquid.

You could feel his eyes on you as you drank, your skin practically crawling in disgust as he looked you up and down. Ugh, what a perv . It was like he had taken a special class in order to be the douche bag of your nightmares, and for a moment, you thought about interrupting your friends’ quest for dick just so you could escape.

“Come on, baby. We could have some fun. I guarantee I’d show you a good time,” he sneered, his hands reaching out to grab your hips. The only thing this loser could guarantee is that you’d be ending the evening with your good friend Mr. Hitachi, and that was something you could do without having to ever see his dick in the flesh. With reflexes faster than should be possible after the amount of liquor you’ve had, you stepped out of his reach, back pressing to the bar.

Sighing, you finished your drink, slamming the glass onto the bar top without bothering to turn away from Trevor or whatever his name was in front of you. He wasn’t going to take the hint, was he? Eyeing your friends, you weighed your options. You could stay, entertain this creep who clearly wouldn’t be leaving you alone as long as his friends were trying to get with yours. Maybe get a few free drinks, do a little grinding before slipping away, feigning a need to puke to ensure he wouldn’t follow you. But that seemed like too much effort, and truly, nothing sounded better than some nachos and a drunk Netflix binge in the comfort of your own bed.

Friendship Code had established that no one was allowed to leave without notifying the others, but seeing as Suzu had her tongue halfway down Mr. Thigh’s throat, Serena was draped across his friend like a lounge singer, and Quinn looked like she was either going to straddle or arm wrestle the remaining man into submission - you had a feeling they wouldn’t miss you. You could just send them a text once you were free of Douche Bag’s glare, and let them know where you were.

Now, just to get rid of the perv in front of you.

Pulling the best smile you were able to fake after 4 vodka seltzers, you batted your eyes at the man, letting your voice dip low.

“Tront, was it?”

“No, it’s Trent, actu-“

“Listen, I bet you could definitely show me a good time,” you purred, using your best Jessica Rabbit voice. “But I need more to drink first, for sure, and I left my purse at the table with your friends. Be a dear and grab it for me? Then we can figure out a plan..” you let your words trail off, hoping he had enough brain cells to at least pick up on what you were alluding to.

His eyes widened, pupils darkening with lust as he gave you a sneer. “Sure thing, baby. I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You waited til his back was turned, his form maneuvering through the swarms of bodies before you swiveled and high tailed it towards the door, not sparing a look back. Luckily it wasn’t too far from the bar, and it was easy to ignore the shouts of what could’ve been Trout shouting ‘baby’ the minute the cool night air hit your skin.

You kept your pace up as you rounded the block, wanting to make sure there was enough distance between you and the club in case he decided to chase you, only allowing yourself to slow when you were sure he wouldn’t be able to find you.

Sighing in relief, you reach for your clutch, pulling out your cell phone to send a quick message to the group text with your friends. You let them know you were safe and headed home, and then sent enough eggplant emojis that you were sure their dates for the evening wouldn’t be able to miss them.

Chuckling at your obvious wit, you kept walking towards the nearest 7/11, nachos the only thing on your vodka soaked brain. Drunk you always needed a snack before bed, and she had the most excellent of palettes that demanded faux neon cheese more often than not. It wasn’t until you had your sights set on cheese dispenser that you realized one fatal mistake in your escape plan.

Your debit card.

“Fuck!” reaching in your clutch, you fumble to feel the piece of plastic that even drunk you was aware wouldn’t be found, seeing as how you had decided to leave an open tab at the bar the minute your friends had saddled up to the men at that booth.

This is exactly why you couldn’t have nice things.

Eyeing the nachos one last time, you turned to leave the store, dejected, soul leaving your body. Not only could you not go back to get your card, lest you run into Traz again, but now you couldn’t even lick fake cheese off your fingers in bed. All in all, this was still probably the worst date of your life.

Barely looking as you leave the store, you pull your phone from your bag once more, scanning through the apps for Uber to take your sad ass home. Tapping on the icon, you had a moment of realization yet again when you tapped the car sharing app and were prompted with a log in request – reminding you that you had never actually set up an account. Between Serena, Quinn and Suzu, there had never really been a need, considering they were usually more responsible and therefore the ones always calling rides for you during your nights out.

“Fuck!” stomping your foot, you look around, glazed eyes looking for any signs that would indicate where exactly you had wandered in your dumb bitch quest for nachos. You’re pretty sure your apartment is only several blocks away from here to the left, but you aren’t positive - everything is dark and nothing looks the same and god damnit, if that fucking dick weasel hadn’t ruined your evening-

It was while you were turning and looking around frantically like a lunatic in the middle of the sidewalk that you walked into something hard, your balance easily thrown off thanks to the alcohol in your system, causing you to fall. You braced for a hard impact with cement, a soft squeal leaving your lips as you landed on something decidedly more human than sidewalk.

Laying for a moment, you try to regain your senses when you hear a small bark, a fluffy tan and brown ball coming into your vision.

“A puppy! Oh my god! Hi handsome!” cooing, you reach out to encourage the dog, giggling when it was close enough for you to touch. “Aren’t you the cutest thing ever, huh! Who’s a good boy?”

 A deep rumble vibrated under your chest. “I would say since I caught your fall, that I’d be the good boy, but I guess it’s debatable.”

 Squinting, you look down at the source of the low drawl, eyes widening when you realized you weren’t on the ground, but in fact laying on top of a very attractive, very annoyed man.

 “Oh God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize- I just-“ shuffling, you roll onto your side before jumping to stand up, swaying slightly as the equilibrium readjusted.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He stood, brushing some errant dirt off his hands.  It wasn’t until he was standing before you that you truly could admire his beauty – and fuck, was he beautiful. The stranger was tall, towering over you with broad shoulders and a lean musculature that made your mouth water. His hair was colored a bright red, obviously unnatural but flattering all the same, tucked underneath a backwards black cap. He was dressed rather simply, in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, and yet somehow he looked like he belonged on a runway despite it. He was so fucking good looking it made you a bit mad, your eyes narrowing.

A small yip pulled your attention back to the black and tan fluff ball at your feet, and  your anger at the demigod before you was temporarily forgotten. Leaning down, you cooed at the pup, a hand out to accept any affection coming your way.

 “Hi! What’s your name cutie, huh?”

“It’s Taehyung.”

 Eyes widening, you gasped playfully before running your fingers through the dogs fur, scratching behind his ears. “Hi, Taehyung! You are such a good boy, aren’t you? The best pup, the strongest-“

A low laugh stole your concentration, and your eyes flicked to the golden man before you once more. “No, my name is Taehyung. His name is Yeontan. I call him Tannie.”

At his name, the pup jumped up on his hind legs, his upper body leaning on your shins in a polite request to be scooped up – which you promptly conceded to. “Tannie! I knew that. I could tell because I’m your mother.” Nuzzling into his fur, you sighed, feeling bliss holding the tiny Pomeranian.

 “Uh, excuse me…. Mother?”

 “Well, yes, obviously. See how much he loves me? A son always recognizes his mother.” Yeontan yipped in response, moving to lick your face. Hazy eyes moved to glare at Taehyung, an eyebrow raising. Infuriatingly, he just grinned, hands slipping into the pockets of his hoodie. “Am I allowed to get the name of the mother of my dog?”

You pout at him for a moment longer, stroking the dog in what you hoped looked like a sophisticated way. “I’m offended you don’t already know it, but yes, you can.” Giving him your name, you reach out a hand, startling at the size of the palm that wraps around yours. His hand was warm, and so soft, and you found yourself holding on for a moment too long before realizing how awkward you were being.

Shuffling, he dropped your hand. “Well, ah, if you’re okay, we really ought to be going,” he pulled a phone out, glancing at the time before groaning. “We don’t have much time left before we have to head back.”

Groaning, you looked into the small dogs eyes, placing a gentle kiss on his nose. “I’m sorry we have to separate so soon, Tannie. One day, your father and I will work out a better custody arrangement, but until then…” placing the dog back on the ground, you gave him one last pat before standing up straight. “Remember that your mother loves you.”

You could feel the heat of Taehyung’s gaze on your form, the way he took in your tight black dress and ankle boots and dark, smudged mascara. His expression was unreadable, but when he finally met your eyes, the heat couldn’t be missed – even in your inebriated state.

“Are you… drunk?” he murmured, the bass of his voice lilting slightly in concern. You scoffed in a poor attempt to ignore his questioning, but a quick glance at his face told you that he was genuine in his concern.

 “No.”

 He raised a brow, glare unwavering.

 “Okay, maybe a little bit. But that’s not the problem! The real problem is that I left my debit card at the bar in an attempt to escape a total asshat who couldn’t take no for an answer, and now I don’t have any  money to get my garbage nachos, and I never bothered to sign up for Uber so I can’t get a ride, and now I have to somehow walk back to my apartment, which I think is this way, but-“

“Whoa, slow down. You don’t have your debit card?” You nodded, bottom lip pulled between your teeth. “I forgot it at the bar when I made my great escape. Sad, right? I could be eating nachos right now .”

His dark brown eyes danced with amusement, a grin pulling at his plump lips. Fuck, his smile was attractive, and you had to fight back the desire to tell him so. What gave him the right to be this good looking? And with a cute dog? It should be illegal.

Nodding, he regarded his phone again, glancing in the direction you had pointed. “I’m sorry for your loss – I can only imagine just how good those nachos would be right about now.”

“Thank you for your condolences.”

“However, I can’t in good conscious let you walk home alone at this time of night. Would you mind if Tannie and I walk you?” he steps closer to you, and when the dog follows suit, he smiles at you once more.

You pretend to weigh your options for a moment, not wanting to seem like a total moron, but ultimately knowing you could trust him. The drunk version of you wasn’t always the best at making choices (as the blackjack dealer at the casino one city over could attest to), but there was something about Taehyung – something beyond the good looks and boxy grins – that told you that he could be trusted, that he was a good person.

“I would love for my son and his father to walk me home.”

It only took about a block for the liquor to start thrumming in your veins, your buzzed state intensifying with the exercise. No words had been exchanged since you started your trek, and the silence was deafening.

 “So, why are you walking your dog at 1 am anyway?”

 Side eyeing the man next to you, you don’t miss the nervous chuckle he gives. “Uh, well, I’m pretty busy during the days, with work and stuff, so it’s hard to get out. I have to kind of keep a low profile anyway, so… we came up with a compromise. Midnight walks are when we get our bonding time.” He looked down at the small dog fondly, eyes bright.

 “Ah, yes. I see. So you’re a vampire.”

 “What? No, I’m not a vampire. It’s just easier to be out at night-“

 “That sounds like something a vampire would say.”

Taehyung groaned then, his eyes rolling back in his head which made you giggle, your body hunching forward. Laughing, you stumbled slightly at a divot in the concrete, anticipating biting the dust yet again until you felt him grab your left arm, looping it through his own to steady you.

 “So, my turn to ask a question,” his deep baritone startled you, the proximity of his skin on yours suddenly very apparent. “Why are you escaping bar creeps by yourself? Were you alone?”

Shaking your head, you sighed. “No, I was out with my friends, but they ended up meeting a group of guys, and one of them wasn’t paired off, so he thought that something between us was a given.” Groaning at the memory, you lean your head on his broad shoulder for a moment, before straightening. You don’t know him like this, why are you acting like this?

“Anyway, I didn’t want to interrupt their quest for some good dick, however girl code only allows for so many shitty pick up lines and glances at my tits before its within my legal right to tell him to fuck off.” You could feel him looking at you, but kept your eyes trained on your feet, ensuring they were still moving properly. “Except he didn’t listen, so I had to go full ninja mode.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” the sternness in his voice surprises you, and you glance up at him. “Some guys are assholes. They need to learn to take a hint.”

“Amen, sister.” You nodded, raising your free fist into the air in salute.

He tugged your arm, effectively pulling you closer to his body as he laughed full heartedly, eyes crinkling into half moons. The sound was infectious; the authenticity in his actions making you beam with pride that you had pleased him, and soon you were giggling along, leaning into him as well.

There was something to say about how easy it was to talk to Taehyung, how safe and relaxed you felt in his presence. While this may have been a shittiest date you’ve ever been on, it was turning into a solid way to end the evening.

“My turn again!” smirking, you nudge into his hip. “So besides being an immortal vampire on the search for the finest blood, which you’re totally not going to kill me for later-“

“I told you, I’m not a vampire-“

“Just admit you want my blood and go.”

“I don’t even know your blood type!”

“It’s B positive,” you said seductively, arching a brow.

Taehyung scoffed, eyes rolling. “Ask your question already, woman.”

 “What kind of work do you do?”

 It was then he told you about his band; him and the six other men that he considered brothers who were in an up and coming group. He avoided all your taunts of him being a Rockstar, stating that they hadn’t quite ‘made it’ yet, but were gaining a following – hence why he needed to avoid prying eyes.

“It’s not just for me – it’s for them too. I love making music, but I mostly love doing it with my best friends. I don’t want to risk a scandal or accidentally giving a spoiler or something just because I’m caught off guard.”

Nodding, you fell silent, admiring the passion that leaked into his voice when he spoke of his craft and his friends. “That’s really great, Taehyung. I know you guys will do well.”

You continued prodding, asking a million questions about his bandmates and what he would name the song he wrote for you (and scoffing at his suggestion of ‘Garbage Nachos’), when you realized you had been walking for quite some time, your building coming into view a block away.

Taehyung had noticed your silence and peered down, head tilting in a silent question. “Are we close?”

 “Yup, my building’s just right over there.”

 You started to walk forward, arm still linked with his, when his sudden stillness had you stuttering to a stop, yanked back by his arm.

“Uh, why are we stopped?”

“Don’t ask me, ask him,”

Looking down, you see that Yeontan had stopped walking; instead he was plopped happily in the middle of the sidewalk, pink tongue flopped out of his mouth as he panted heavily. He stared at you both for a moment longer before laying down, laying his head on his front paws.

“Is he… why is he laying down?”

A deep groan left the man beside you. “Ugh – little shit – he does this when he gets too tired. He just refuses to walk.” He stomped his foot, looking both ways before releasing your arm to pull his phone out of his pocket once more, sighing. “We walked longer than we normally do and must’ve hit his limit already. He’ll never walk back at this point.”

Glancing at Taehyung, you noticed the irritation crinkling his brow, the nervous way he chewed his plump lip. “I’m sorry, that was totally my fault. You didn’t have to walk me home-“

“Yes, I did. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault that my dog is a spoiled brat.” Tugging at the leash, he tried to see if he could get the dog to move, but was promptly ignored. “I could carry him, but that’s a long walk and he’s heavier than he looks. I could call one of the guys, but it’s late and we have early practice tomorrow – they would kill me.” At that, Taehyung looked over at your building, before meeting your eyes, a question lingering in his chocolate gaze.

You felt that this was a moment – the precipice of a moment – one that depending on how you answered, was going to change the outcome of your evening greatly. The point of no return. The tension was a bubble surrounding you both, and it took you several seconds of observation before you recognized what it was.

The buzz of liquor was wearing off, and realized you were left with two choices. 1. You could invite Taehyung up. Offer to let them stay with you while Tannie rested and regained energy for the trek home. Eat something or watch Netflix or whatever . There was an obvious chemistry between you two, and this would give you the option to figure out what the hell it meant. Or, 2. You could act like you didn’t notice the way he was looking at you, play stupid, and watch him leave. While not knowing him for long, you knew he wasn’t the type to push any agenda. If you didn’t invite him in, he would figure out a way and go.

Did you really want him to go?

It only took losing yourself into his gaze for a second longer before you knew the answer.

“You could… I mean, do you want to come up? Hang out while Tannie rests? I don’t have any plans tomorrow, I can stay up and hang until you feel like you can walk back or call someone?” chewing your lip, you look down, unable to stand looking into his eyes for a second longer.

Face burning, you shuffled in the silence before peering up at him once more. He looked practically predatory, a feral grin pulling at his lips. The sudden change in expression startled you – and excited you more than you care to admit – before it was slipping away, a friendly boxy smile taking its place. “Really? Yeah, that would be great! We’d really appreciate it.”

The heat of that gaze still lingered, flustering you for a moment before you returned his grin. “That sounds like something a vampire who was just invited in to someone’s home would say.”

 The awkward tension leading him into your apartment disappeared when he saw your massive movie collection, practically dropping Tannie like a sack of potatoes to lean in front of it.

“You have every Studio Ghibli movie? And all these horror movies…” he gasped in awe. “One Piece?! You like anime?” he clutched his chest, eyes shining in admiration. “You’re a girl after my own heart.”

Chuckling, you kicked off your shoes, rubbing your aching feet. “I’m about to be a girl after some nachos. It won’t be the same as the blessed 7/11 version, but a bitch can try.” Moving to the kitchen, you start pulling the ingredients onto the counter, turning on the oven. “What about you, are you hungry? Make yourself at home, by the way.”

He stood, looking at the couch like he was determining just how comfortable it’d be to stretch across it, before he headed towards you, tall frame looming in the entryway. “And you can cook? Stop, it’s too much,” he groaned, a pained expression on his face as his continued to clutch at his heart.

“If you call melting cheese and black beans on top of tortilla chips cooking then yes, yes I cook, I am practically Rachael Ray. Be impressed,” pulling out a baking sheet, you assemble the concoction. “Now, like a true masterpiece, this will take time. Want to watch something on Netflix while we wait?”

It was only after consuming two plates of nachos and one La Croix (you) and one glass of half flat Dr. Pepper from the back of your fridge (Taehyung) that you both sighed, completely satiated, before leaning back onto the couch. You had changed into a cozy pair of sleep shorts and an oversized hoodie, unable to take another second of your strapless bra, and with your belly full and the booze almost completely out of your system, you found your eyes growing heavy in the dim lights of the room.

A sudden shift had a warm arm wrapping around your shoulders, and it was then you remembered your guest; the tall drink of man you were snuggling closer to despite your nacho breath. Sneaking side glances at him, he looked completely at ease – legs manspread wide, body slouched into the back of the couch, neutral interest at whatever baking show was blasting from the television. He had taken off his snapback, allowing the full glory of his bright red hair to shine, sticking up errantly after being compressed all day. His chest was broader than you expected under his hoodie, and his sweatpants seemed to be snug in all the right places. He was effortlessly gorgeous, doing nothing other than breathing, and yet the sight of him had you practically salivating.

 You wanted him.

 Any errant signs of sleepiness disappeared as white hot electricity took its place, your veins singing with desire that was pooling at your core. Shifting your legs, you subtly rubbed your thighs together, hoping he wouldn’t notice how desperate you became from a hand on your shoulder. God, it was pathetic how needy you were.

Scanning the room, you eyed Yeontan still curled up and sleeping soundly on your recliner, showing no inclination he’d want to move any time soon. Groaning internally, you attempted to calm your raging hormones, poorly focusing on the screen in front of you.

 Calm down, hot rod. You’re such a horny bastard. He hasn’t even done anything, shown any sign he’s into you-

 Sometime during your mental berating, Taehyung had turned to face you, peering down with a knowing smirk on his face. You must’ve been staring, the realization causing blood to rise in your cheeks as he gave you a smug look. “See something you like?” he murmured, raising an eyebrow. When you didn’t answer, he leaned closer, his warm breath now ghosting your face. “I’d love to know what you’re thinking about right now.”

God, he didn’t really want to know your thoughts. Because then he’d have to hear how you were thinking about how unfairly attractive he is, and how you want to bite his neck until it was littered with bruises, and how you’re pretty sure he’s packing the biggest dick you’ve ever laid eyes on, if his sweatpants bulge was anything to go by.

Swallowing thickly, you closed your eyes for a moment, summoning the remaining liquid courage that was left. “I was thinking that everyone on this baking show is fucking awful. I mean, I get that’s the premise, but holy shit.” Licking your lips, you met his deep gaze, inhaling a breath, willing your voice to be steady. Time to embrace the point of no return. “And.. I was thinking I’d much rather be kissing you.”

It was like saying the words aloud had summoned the action out of thin air, his lips suddenly on yours and pressing fervently into your mouth. He was soft, impossibly soft, and yet the movement against your pout had you aching, needing more. Your hands moved on their own accord, sliding up his arms until they were wrapped around his neck, fingers tugging at the errant cherry locks at the nape. He moaned at the sensation, and the deep vibration of his voice causing a flood of arousal to pool low in your belly, fueling an already raging inferno.

It was you who traced the seam of his lips with your tongue pressing into his mouth when he groaned in pleasure, seeking to taste every last drop of him. It was like the more he gave you, the more it suddenly became not enough – the desire for him burning too hot for you to take. You needed him, needed him closer, needed him inside-

A small yip from the corner of the room is what brought you back to yourself, a subtle reminder of exactly why Taehyung had agreed to follow you up to your apartment in the first place.

Reluctantly, you release his lips, a whine leaving you at the unwanted – but necessary action. “Taehyung, I… I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry-“

“Do you want to stop?”

Your eyes lethargically open to meet his gaze, to study his expression. His pupils were blown wide with hunger, his lips reddened and wet; chest heaving as he filled his lungs with the air they had been lacking during the course of your make out. He didn’t look like someone who wasn’t enjoying himself, and yet-

“Fuck no, I don’t want to stop. But I don’t want you to do something you don’t want.”

“Look at me. Do I look like the kind of guy who doesn’t want you?”

His hands rise to rest on your jaw, tracing the line delicately before smoothing down the expanse of your throat. Skin tingling in his wake, you forced yourself to breathe. “I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Look at me.” He repeated, this time the words were more of a demand and less of a request, the timber of his voice dropping impossibly low. “I want you. And I think you’ve made it clear you want me, too.” He quirked a brow, the question implied. “So say the words, and I’m yours.”

“Taehyung, I want you, please.”

You’d be an idiot to say anything else.

 His mouth was back on yours before the words were completely passed your lips, his arms reaching to pull you into his lap prior to returning to their place on your cheeks, pressing you closer. He led the kiss this time, his tongue hungrily searching your own, a groan rumbling low in satisfaction when it met its mark.

A squeeze around your waist was the only warning he gave before he was rising from the couch, his lips continuing to claim your own as he fumbled about the room. “Bedroom?” he whispered, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth.

“Last door on the right,”

The sounds of things falling as your bodies bumped into them registered in your mind, but were forgotten just as quickly. All you could think about was Taehyung, and the way he felt on your skin, the way he tasted, the way his muscles rippled as your legs pressed around his trim waist.

Kicking open the door, he placed you back on solid ground, his mischievous mouth leaving yours to press kisses to your jawline, your pulse point, your neck. A involuntary whine left your throat when he found the sensitive spot nestled at the bottom slope into your shoulder, his teeth marking it as his own. “You taste so good, baby,” he murmured, his assault on the thin skin continuing until you were sure it’d bruise. Despite his task, he didn’t miss the way you shivered at the affectionate moniker.

He moved forward, lips never straying from your skin until the back of your knees met the bed. Laying you down onto the mattress, he slowly climbed his way on top of you, arms coming to cage you against him. Grabbing his neck, you force his kisses back against your mouth, sucking and biting his pout softly. He chuckled, leaning just out of your reach. “You like to be in charge, don’t you? I could tell the minute you opened that smart mouth.”

 A thumb pulled at your lip, your body arching up into him to get some sort of relief from the pulsating arousal dripping from your core. “Well I hate to break it to you, but now – you listen to me.” He growled, staring down at you like he was going to eat you whole. The intensity of his gaze made you squirm, but he was relentless, seemingly needing you to respond.

A nod didn’t see to appease him, his fingers continuing to ghost over your lips, chocolate eyes not leaving your own. You knew he wanted you to say it, and fuck – you were just desperate enough for him to do it.

Choking back the sarcasm you wanted to use, you groan. “Yes, sir.”

He grinned, leaning forward to join your mouths, murmuring against your plush pout. “Good girl.”

His tongue was back in your mouth, hands traveling from your throat to your collar bones, shifting around your heaving breasts to toy with the hem of your sweatshirt. His kisses only paused long enough to rid you of the garment before joining your skin again, traveling down to the hollow of your throat, the swelling skin of your breast, leaving violet blooms in his wake. You were writhing, full of need, your hands grasping desperately at his shirt until he took the hint and shifted it over his head.

Leaning back, he traced the outline of each nipple, moving slow until he could palm each breast, squeezing slightly. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” He sighed, molten gaze focused on the sight of his hands full of you. “I’ve been thinking about how these would feel since I felt them against my chest earlier.”  Thumbs pinched and rolled the tender buds, causing you to keen loudly before he smoothed the hurt, lips coming to pull one peak into his mouth.

His tongue swirled against you, fingers alternating their pinching and pulling until you were whimpering. “Tae, please,” you cried, a hand coming to tangle in his cherry locks, tugging at the roots. He chuckled low against your skin, a devils glare given as he looked up at you. “Shhh, I’ll give you what you want. Let me enjoy this,”

It took all your will power to bite back the smart remark threatening to spill over, instead pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. He was making you crazy with need, taking his sweet time in his torture of your body, and you weren’t sure you’d survive his exploration of you.

A lick down your abdomen signaled his ascent, hands trailing behind to yank at your shorts and panties, pulling them down your legs in one quick movement. Bare before him, he admired your form, hands smoothing up and down your thighs, pulling and grasping at the flesh of your hips. “God damn, you’re fucking sexy. I bet you taste as good as you look.”

Putting a finger in his mouth, you watched helplessly as he suckled the digit, pulling away once It was drenched in his salvia. Electricity raced through your veins when he made sudden contact with your throbbing center, dragging up your slit and pressing against your clit. A loud moan of his name had him grinning, leaning back down until you could feel his warm breath against your cunt. “Is this where you want me?” at your affirmative hum, he nuzzled closer, his tongue darting out to lick a stripe up your sopping core. His movements were slow, skilled, tracing a delicate pattern into your folds until he found the bundle of nerves at the apex. Wrapping his lips around it, he suckled gently, applying pressure until you were crying out for him.

He had you so worked up at this point that it wouldn’t have taken much longer to set you over the edge, his palms keeping you spread as his wicked tongue lashed against your heat. Your hips were undulating against him, hands pulling and tugging his hair as you held him closer. “Fuck, I’m so close, Tae,” your eyes rolled back, another moan leaving you. He grunted against you, the vibrations making you shiver. Letting go of your clit with a lewd pop, his fingers trailed up and down your slit, his eyes boring into your own.

 “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to cum, please-”

“No. Tell me what you want to do to me. Tell me all the ways you want me to wreck you. And if I like what I hear, you get to cum.”

A frustrated groan leaves you as your feel your orgasm ebb away, his answering chuckle making you want to scream. His mouth reattaches to your needy bud, a single long digit sliding home inside your welcoming walls. Breath hitching as he slowly began to pump in and out, he looks up at your expectantly.

“Come on, baby. I want to hear you. What do you want?” His voice was honeyed; the sweetest poison.

Sensing another losing battle, you screw your eyes shut, licking your lips. “I want you to use that insanely dangerous and talented tongue to make me cum,” you shudder, moaning lowly as he continued his ministrations. Sucking in more air, you continue. “And then I want to taste you on my tongue, have your cock in my mouth so I can show you how good I can take it.” Taehyung moaned against your center as you spoke, his hips pressing into the mattress. His reaction fueled your desire, and you wanted more. “I can take you deep, want to feel you in my t-throat,” a particularly harsh swipe at your clit had you stuttering, a second finger joining the first,  focus waning on your task. “And then I want you to fuck me until I can’t remember anything but your name. I want you to ruin me.”

A shrill cry left your lips as his efforts doubled, vision blurring with tears as you felt the band in your belly tighten. He had you right on the brink, and you wanted to go over the edge so badly. His fingers were pumping into you wildly, curling to hit that spot that made you see stars, unable to continue forming coherent sentences at his assault. Pulling his mouth away, he growled against you. “Well when you say it like that…” you could feel him smirking against your overheated sex. “Fuck yes, baby. I’ll give it to you. Now cum for me.”

The second his lips suctioned back to your throbbing clit you slipped over the edge into orgasm, the white hot band snapping and blooming from your nerves. Moans tore from your throat, a cacophony of his name and the wet sounds of his fingers fucking you through your high the only sounds in the room. He murmured praises against you, his free hand smoothing circles into your flesh until you came back down, chest heaving. When he was sure it had ended he pulled his fingers out, licking them clean before crawling back over your body. “So fucking good. You are amazing.”

Mouths joining again, he grasped you tight to roll over, switching your positions until you were now straddled on top of his golden torso. Your hands explored the expanse of him; lean muscles beneath flawless skin, smooth under your fingertips. Shifting your hips, you pressed your dripping heat against his strained erection still painfully hidden in his sweats, lapping up his deliciously low moans he pressed into your mouth. The friction of his pants against your sensitive flesh had you whining, your lips finally leaving his own to trail messily down his jaw, his neck. “Taehyung,” you rasp, hands fumbling with the elastic at his waist. “Please, I wanna feel you, wanna taste you.”

“Shit. Yes, baby.” Large hands join your own in pulling off the remaining offensive clothing between you, leaving him bare to your greedy eyes. He immediately grabbed for your hips once more, pressing harshly into the skin to grind against you. “You going to show me what you can do with that wicked mouth?”

You could feel the grin in his voice, and you looked up at him from your descent down his chest, smirking at the saliva and reddened marks - twin pairs to the ones he placed on you - that were left in your wake. Moaning an affirmative, you continued on your task, tasting every inch of skin you could manage. It was the tender the way he looked at you, the feel of his hands smoothing the hair back from your face, the small whines that left the base of his throat that affected you; the desire to impress him fueling you to carry on.

His cock was now within your grasp, the impressive length flat against his belly. The tip was reddened, precum dripping and calling you to it - a call you answered willingly. Without using your hands, you traced the slit with the end of your tongue, swirling the tip to gather the arousal there and drink it in. A deep moan and harsh tug of your hair was your reward, and you continued a track towards his base before going back to the head, repeating your course several times slowly. A yank of your head had you yelping as he raised you away from him until his darkened gaze met your own. “No teasing. Or do I need to remind you who is in charge here?”

Before you could answer he released his harsh hold, your head dropping back to his engorged length. Grabbing him at the base, you poised your mouth above him, eyes meeting his before you made your decline. Unwavering from the eye contact, you lowered until his cock rested on the bed of your tongue, engulfing his length until he was seated deep, tears stinging at your eyes. “Good girl,” he murmured, his hands finding purchase in your hair once more. Taehyung started pulling gently, guiding you up and down his cock at his own pace, moans spilling from his mouth as you took him deeper into your throat with each pass.

His thickness had your jaw aching immediately, but lust was a powerful motivator, and you wanted him to remember this feeling long after you had finished. Mentally prepping yourself, you allowed him to inch further with your next slide down his shaft, pausing once your nose was tickling at the skin of his taut abdomen. Looking up to make sure his eyes were on you, you merely blinked before swallowing around him, a cry tearing from his chest.

“Fuck, baby. Feels so good. Taking me so well, so perfect,” he cooed, his eyes falling from your own to roll back into his head. Stifling your grin, you increased your pace, tongue swirling to savor every drop from his tip before dipping back down again, repeating the action again and again until tears pooled at the corner of your eyes. He was practically panting and writhing beneath you, and nothing gave you more satisfaction than seeing this beautiful man coming undone thanks to your meticulous ministrations.

Suckling at his head, you pulled off with a lewd pop, replacing your mouth with your hand easily due to the saliva coating his length. Your free hand moved to his balls, tugging them gently until he grunted his pleasure, chest heaving. “You look so good all fucked out like this, Taehyung.” you hummed, hazy eyes peering up at him.

“You’re dangerous, too dangerous for your own good,” he chuckled, the sound quickly turning into a choked groan after a particularly pressured squeeze around his length. Your lips had just returned to his fevered skin, open mouth kisses trailing up his length before he was using his grasp on your hair to pull you away, confusion etching your brows. “But the only one who’s supposed to be all fucked out here is you.”

Sitting up, he pulled until you were on your knees face to face with him, giving you an opportunity to truly appreciate his current state. A light sheen of sweat was glistening on his chest and forehead, his plump lips kiss-swollen and cherry red, matching his mussed locks. Even now, his beauty had your breath seizing in your lungs.

His large palms came to rest on your jaw, thumb stroking your cheeks reverently before he kissed you again, tongue seeking yours immediately. Your growing need turned you desperate, lips entangling sloppily, the taste of your release still lingering as you licked into his mouth. He pulled away with a grunt, forehead leaning against yours as he gazed at you tenderly. “Hands and knees, baby. I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Shifting below him, you leaned on your forearms until your ass was perched in the air, wet cunt fully on display.  A deep growl left his chest at the sight, a hand coming down to slap the flesh presented to him, causing you to yelp. “You’re such a fucking tease, aren’t you?” Another slap resounded in the room, leaving a reddened mark in its wake. “So sexy, and all for me.”

Hips swaying, you taunted him further, the feel of his blunt head toying at your entrance making you whine out. “Taehyung, please, I need to feel you.” He hummed thoughtfully, continuing the slow drag of his cock against your dripping core. He seemed content in teasing you, enjoying the way you jumped when he brushed your sensitive clit before diving down to catch at your ready hole.

“You still want me to ruin you, baby?” he murmured, his free palm kneading your cheek while he continued his torture. You were practically mewling, nothing but a needy mess, blind to anything but the intense desire to be filled. “Yes, yes. I want it, please.”

He cursed under his breath, muttering his agreeance with a sweet kiss on the dip of your spine before you felt the bed shift, his hand leaving your skin momentarily. At your questioning whine, he quickly reassured you. “Don’t worry, I’m just looking for a condom, do you happen to-?”

Turning your head, your arm reached to pull him back, waiting until he focused back on you. “I’m on the pill, and I’m clean. J-Just need you inside me, please?” Licking your lips, you rested back down against your arms, wide eyes still boring into his own.

He seemed frozen for a moment before he positioned himself against your sopping cunt once more, sliding his cock to saturate in your arousal. He stuttered, a low moan leaving his lips and sending a shiver down your spine as his palms returned to the flesh of your ass. “God, I think I’m in love with you.” He chuckled, groaning as he started to slide inside of you. “Such a dirty, dangerous girl.”

His descent into you was slow, your walls slowly adjusting to his girth to welcome him deeper. He hummed when his hips were pressed flush against your own, hands moving to slide up to your hips, your back, your neck. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

 “Move, Tae. I need you to mov-”

An urgent thrust cut off your words, a gasp tearing from your throat instead. You felt unbelievably full, the slight sting from the stretch quickly ebbing into a low hum of pleasure, one that radiated down to your toes. Eye closing on instinct, you could feel every inch pulse against your sensitive walls, each of his glides torturously slow. You needed him harder, faster - you needed to fall apart against him.

Opening your mouth to demand just that, his hips finally start to pick up the pace, lips moving to press sloppy wet kisses on your spine. “Baby, you feel so good. I don’t think I’m gonna - fuck - last very long.” he groaned, a free hand coming down to slap a cheek of your as before grasping it tightly.

“Me either, Tae. F-Faster, please.”

Taehyung moaned loudly at how needy your request was, how sweet you sounded when you were crying out just for him. His thrusts started coming at a rapid speed, his cock slamming home harder each time until the slapping sound of skin was echoing throughout the room. You felt the white hot band of your impending orgasm pull tighter, hands furling into the sheets. You wanted to drag your nails down his skin, to destroy him the way he was destroying you, but his current hold on your body prevented any  movement.

As if reading your mind, Taehyung slowed, hissing as he pulled himself out of your welcoming heat. Keening at the loss, you turn to look a him, his answering grin meeting you with another errant slap to your ass.

“Turn around, baby. I want to see your face as you cum. I want to see you all fucked out and ruined for me.”

You shuddered. “Fuck, Tae. And you think I’m dangerous?” you could feel the rush of wetness at his words, body already turning and following his directions without a second thought.

The demon of a man just smirked, licking his lips as he positioned himself against your weeping core. Grabbing your knees, he folded them back into your chest before sliding home, the deep whine leaving his chest the perfect harmony to your own. Arms caging you in, his face was inches from your own as he started pumping into you, dark eyes taking in each expression of pleasure on your face, each whimper and moan from your throat. A particularly angled thrust had you crying out a garbled form of his name, and it was then he knew he found what he had been looking for.

“You’re so beautiful, baby. You look so good underneath me, taking my cock so well. You going to cum again for me?” he murmured against your neck, his thumb coming down to swipe an assault against your throbbing clit.

Nodding, your eyes screw shut, hands wrapping around his back to pull him closer, half moon imprints digging into the golden flesh. Hips never faltering, his fingers increased pressure, your pleasure building closer to a precipice. Blubbering loudly, uncontrollably, you knew your edge was near.

“I’m gonna c-cum, Tae-”

Lips crashing against your own, you were silenced by the overtaking of his mouth, his tongue seeking yours and stealing your breath. Your cries increased in pitch, the build in your lower gut ready to spill at any moment, and yet he continued to swallow each moan, to fuck into you until your vision was hazy.

Pulling away, he spoke the next words against your kiss swollen mouth. “Cum, baby. Let me know who’s making you feel this good, like you promised. Be a good girl.” His fingers moved to pinch the bundle of nerves, a low growl vibrating his chest against your own.

It was with his next thrust against the tender spot of your walls that had you shouting out his name, orgasm slamming into you until your eyes rolled back. Taehyung worked you through the high, his hips rolling and grinding into yours until you were messy, nails leaving an angry trail down the skin of his back.

"So good,” your voice was hoarse, shallow. The aftershocks of your climax had you sensitive and raw, walls still fluttering weakly against his length. You could feel his thrusts start to stutter, his moans spilling from him in a continuous stream.  “Cum for me, Tae. Need to feel you fill me up.” you croaked, eyes finally opening to stare into his own.

He cursed, whimpering loudly before kissing you again, teeth biting at your bottom lip. He choked out a warning of his impending end before finally spilling inside of you, murmurs of your name pressed into your throat as he rolled his hips through his release. You revealed in its warmth, and after a few more lazy strokes he was collapsing on top of you, cock snuggly resting inside your core.

Heavy breaths were the only sound for the next few moments, a content hum leaving Taehyung’s  throat as you raised a hand to stroke lazily through his fiery locks. Your body was sated, thrumming with a calming glow that had every muscle relaxing and your eyes drooping shut.

Unsure of how much time had passed, you startled when you felt him pull out slowly, his cum spilling from your core. Whining at the loss, you pout, reaching out for him. “Where are you going? Come back.”

 He chuckled, body leaning over yours once more. “Just going to clean up baby, don’t worry.” You watch as his eyes look down at the mess he made of you, his sleepy grin now turning dark as he eyed his release dripping down your thighs. Long digits swiped through the milky substance, his heavy lidded gaze setting your skin ablaze before he pushed it back inside your abused walls, a small squeak leaving your lips. “Keep that where it belongs.”

Just as quickly as he had entered you he was pulling out, asking for directions to the bathroom like he didn’t just wreck you as you continued to lie boneless on the bed. You must’ve fallen asleep again, because you woke to him wiping your tender sex clean, pulling your body upright to slip a t-shirt over your naked form. Allowing yourself to flop back down on the bed, you peered up at him, tilting your head at the look of contemplation maring his handsome face.

“Are you getting into bed or what?” Sliding over, you pulled the covers back and pat the spot beside you. “I hate to break it to you, but after I’m given mind blowing orgasms, I demand cuddles for at least the next 1-2 hours, but preferably through the night. I’m needy like that.”

A boxy grin had his eyes sparkling, his laugh making your heart squeeze in your chest. “Well, you’re in luck, because it just so happens that giving beautiful women mind blowing orgasms makes me want to cuddle as well.”

Sliding into the bed beside you, he wiggled you into his arms, your head nestling perfectly in the crook of his neck, his hands finding purchase on your waist and nape. He started playing with the hair there idly, causing you to melt against him.

“You just want to get closer to me so you can check out all the marks you left.” sighing, you breathed in his scent, eyes closing once more.

“What can I say? I love how they look on you, seeing you all marked up for me.” Chuckling, he closed his eyes, drinking in the warmth of your small form pressed so tightly against his own, wondering if you could hear just how fast his heart was beating. Silence enveloped you both, the sounds of your breathing and the soft whirring of the fan above lulling you into sleep.

“That sounds like something a vampire would say.”

“Go to sleep, woman.”

 You weren’t sure what woke you first - the sun streaming blindingly through your open curtains, beaming directly into your retinas, or the lack of warmth pressed to your side. Yawning, you stretched, toes cracking as the soreness between your legs let itself be known. Images from last night came pouring back in front of your eyes, cheeks heating with the memories of all the things you had done - and that you had allowed to be done to you. Not that you regretted a single minute; Taehyung’s handsome face and charming laugh making your heart and thighs squeeze simultaneously.

A quick survey of the room proved you were alone, and you felt your stomach sink. Did he… leave? The thought made you sicker than it should’ve, considering the reality of the fact you had only spent a single night - hell, a few hours - together. You couldn’t blame him if he had decided to go, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t hoping for more.

Sitting up, you slide off the mattress to head to the bathroom, your bladder threatening to explode if you didn’t empty it immediately. Damn you, La Croix. Flicking on the light, you see that you’re wearing an oversized white shirt that skimmed the top of your thighs, one that had a hint of Taehyung’s scent lingering on it. Before you could ponder it further, a crash from the kitchen had you jumping, a deep “Fuck!” whispered frantically causing your pulse to race.

Darting into the kitchen, you find a shirtless Taehyung rubbing at his scalp, a scowl knitting his eyebrows together.  Yeontan was panting happily at his feet, seemingly ignorant to his owners pain. “Ugh, did I wake you? Sorry, I hit my head on the cabinet. Good morning, by the way.”

“Jesus, Taehyung. You scared me so bad I almost pissed myself. Actually, I still might.”

“Kinky. I didn’t know you were into that.” Grinning at your rolling eyes, he reached out to smooth circles on your shoulders. “Sorry for scaring you.” His eyes piercing into you knowingly, seeing too much. “Did you think I had left?”

Embarrassment coursed through your veins, your hand fisting into the bottom of your - his - shirt. “I, uh, well - yeah, when I woke up alone, I thought maybe…”

His answering smile was nothing short of dazzling as he lessened the space between you. “I was trying to surprise you. With breakfast. But it turns out all you have in this place is the ingredients for nachos, vodka, approximately two slices of lunch meat, and coffee. I gave Tannie the lunch meat.” At the sound of his name, the pup let out a gleeful bark.

Giggling, you wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him closer so you could nuzzle into his chest. “Sounds like a cop out to me. Total lack of imagination. Breakfast vodka is a thing.”

“That sounds made up.” You felt his lips press into your crown, a small gesture that had your heart racing giddily. “You seemed like a coffee person though, so I think I managed to make that.”

Another yip at your feet pulled your attention back to the small dog, sliding out of Taehyung’s embrace to scoop him into your arms. “I am a coffee person, thank you.”

Taehyung’s smile was obnoxiously wide as he took in the sight of you cuddling Yeontan, the soft cooing and kisses making the pup preen in your embrace. He moved away to grab a mug before leaning against the counter, pouring the steaming liquid slowly. “You’re spoiling him, by the way.”

“He is my son and I’m allowed to spoil him, thank you.” Accepting the cup as he handed it to you, you took a long sip, sighing as the heat hit your belly. Looking up to him, you notice he was watching you, eyes lingering on your legs. “You don’t want any?”

“No, I’m not a big coffee drinker-”

A loud shrill echoed in the kitchen, Taehyung’s eyes widening as he began to pat the pockets of his sweatpants in search of the culprit. Pulling the phone out, he tapped a few buttons to silence it, eyes landing on your own sheepishly.

Setting down both your coffee and son, you lean into him once again. He was like a magnet, always pulling you in. “So… is that your ride?” your voice was low, as if you spoke softer you could hide the disappointment at the thought of him leaving so soon.

A hand gently grasped your chin, tilting your face until you had to meet his softened gaze. “It is. My bandmate, Hoseok, texted me earlier to remind me we have a band meeting soon, so he offered to come pick us up.”

Lithe fingers stroked at the bone of your jaw, and you had to fight the instinct to lean into his touch. “Ah, okay. I understand. Important business, and whatnot.” you stammered, giving him a watery smile. “I’ll just go get changed so you can take your shirt back-”

“I don’t want it back.”

Raising a brow, you tilted your head mockingly. “You going to go like that? Kind of unfair to all the mere mortals, but do you.”

His deep laugh echoed in the small room, his other hand cupping your face until his lips were ghosting over your own. “I have a sweatshirt. Plus, I like the idea of you wearing it when we all go to brunch later.”

Breath catching, you snap your eyes to meet his own, playful mischief dancing in the warm chocolate as he leaned in to press a chaste yet lingering kiss to your lips. Forehead resting against yours, his thumbs skimmed along your jaw. “Does that… sound okay?”

For the first time, it was Taehyung who seemed nervous, unsure but anticipating - hoping - that you’d agree to see him again. The idea that he felt the same way had butterflies dancing in your stomach, grin pulling at the corner of your mouth until it was bright enough to match his own. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He giggled before his mouth was pressing fervent kisses against yours again, reluctantly stopping when his phone chimed again, bringing him back down to earth. “Good. Give me your number, and I’ll text you and let you know when we’re on our way to pick you up. Should be about an hour or so.”

After exchanging the information and confirming a time (and a few more heated kisses, interrupted by Hoseok calling to threaten to chop off Taehyung’s balls if he didn’t get down there right now ), he was dressed and standing in the doorway, Yeontan tucked gently into his arms.  “Thanks again for letting us stay here. I had a great time.” the sly smirk on his face giving away his meaning.

“Of course. My home is always open to my son and his father.” Leaning forward, you gave Tannie’s small nose one last kiss. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yup. Don’t forget to wear my shirt.” His large palm reached out to skim the exposed skin of your upper thigh, causing you to shiver involuntarily. “I wish you could go just like this, but it’s probably wise to wear pants of some sort in public, especially around my friends.”

“Why? What if one of them is rich? I have a lifestyle to maintain, Taehyung.”

A low growl was your only warning before he leaning in, careful not to squish Yeontan between your bodies as he nipped at your bottom lip, your body heating instantly in response. “Firstly, garbage nachos aren’t a lifestyle. Secondly, I don’t care. Sorry baby, you’re mine now.”

As quickly as he had approached, he was now in the hall, devious grin still painted on his face as he slowly backed towards the stairs. “Plus, I still have yet to taste this blood you’ve been bragging about.”

He pulled the door shut then, escaping halfway down the hall before you could shout your reply, though your cry of “I KNEW IT!” was loud enough to be heard through the walls, causing Taehyung to throw his head back as he laughed deeply.

 Flinging yourself against the closed door, you let the embarrassingly wide grin overtake your face. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the worst date of your life.

[jungshookz]

beauty & the bookworm {librarian!namjoon}

→ pairing: kim namjoon x reader

→ genre: librarian!namjoon who’s a little nerdy a little dorky but we loVe it, university!au, y/n’s the brat this time around, fluff softer than clouds, a bit of heartwrenching angst :’(, BTS as in BIG TIME smU T

→ wordcount: 20.8k this will definitely make the app crash as per usual don’t come for me

→ note: okay first and foremost i apologize because this is wAY overdue! i started writing librarian!joon in october but i kept putting him off and it’s not what he deserves :-(( but the most important thing is that he’s here now and he’s ready to trip his way into your hearts!! also i finally gave one of my fics a title instead of just naming the au so we’re spicing things up for the new year! enjoy!! 

pst if u wanna talk to y/n or joonie or even jimin u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

you’ve always been the type of person to just go with the flow

whenever life throws an obstacle your way you somehow always aLways make it out alive

you always have a backup plan and you never worry about anything

because worrying gives you frowning wrinkles and you want your skin to remain smooth and beautiful

maybe it’s maybelline??? maybe it’s just not giving a fuCk

but this is the first time you’ve ever been… slightly concerned

you are in unfamiliar territory because you feel

…worried

and you don’t like this feeling at all

“i don’t know what to tell you, y/n. you’re failing three of your courses. you need extra credit.” your counsellor looks at you and then looks back down at his laptop where he has your transcript opened up

“okay! okay okay cool cool cool that’s fine” you clear your throat and nod quickly “extra credit is fine. no need to worry.”

“well, i wouldn’t say no need to worry. there’s definitely room for worry here.”

you thought you had the hang of this university thing but apparently not since jin just told you you’re failing three of your damn courses

kim seokjin - he graduated like two years ago and is your academic counsellor

he’s a pretty cool guy most of the time!! sometimes his dad jokes makes you want to slam your face into a wall but other than that he’s cool

and he’s always there to help you whenever you feel like you’re struggling

he’s a good counsellor but right now he’s being an awful counsellor and not even offering you an ouNCe of support

just kidding you’re just mad at yourself and you’re taking it out on literally anyone you see  

you lean forward a little to try and get a sneak peek of your transcript and jin shifts his laptop away

you huff and lean back against the plushy sofa chair “so… how am i supposed to get extra credit?” you inspect your nails uninterestedly because you’re supposed to be napping right now but obviouSly you’re not going to be able to catch some extra z’s today because of this stupid meeting about your stupid grades

“summer school is an option.”

just the thought of summer school makes you feel nauseous

you’re not going to spend two months writing a philosophy paper or studying for an exam when you could be on a beach somewhere or on a road trip with jimin and the others

thank u next bitch

“please tell me there’s something else. anything else??” you frown and slump against his desk and he lets out a sigh before rifling through some loose papers on his desk

“which prof do i have to go down on to get extra credit” you joke but the smile drops from your face when jin raises a disapproving brow at you  

“if you’re lucky, maybe you can find a part-time job on campus. usually you can get extra credit from doing things here! last i heard there was a position to be the school mascot!”

omg

yuck

having to jump around in a slightly damp and sewage-scented costume for two hours??

no thanks

jin can tell by your expression that that’s the last thing you want

“i hate to break it to you, y/n, but you can’t exactly be picky here. go to main hall where they stick up all those posters and job offers - maybe you’ll find something good! cheer up, hm?”

“yeah, yeah” you murmur and scratch the back of your head before standing up and swinging your bag over your shoulder

“oh, and y/n?”

“what?”

“maybe you should study instead of watching netflix all the time - you really have to boost your grades this term otherwise… y’know” he winces

‘y’know’ means you’re not going to frickin graduate

“…bye jin” you mutter and shut the door behind you before letting out a breath

well

that was a depressing conversation

jin didn’t even tell you a dad joke this time around

as you make your way to the main hall you can’t help but let out another sigh of disappointment

in high school you had eeeehhhhh average grades like you were kinda dumb but not thAt dumb

but you never expected yourself to faiL classes

you thought you were smarter than this!!! obviously not tho

you let out a huff as you stand in front of the bulletin board

there’s an overwhelming number of posters ranging from poetry sLAM competitions to math tutoring services and you don’t know where the heck to start

okay let’s see

what can we do

‘do you have school spirit? do you need extra credit? why not try being our adorable school masco-‘

“nope” you click your tongue and immediately look at the next poster

‘looking for a philosophy tutor for philosophy102’

philosophy is one of the classes you’re failing so maybe not that one either

‘looking for water girl/water boy for new school year! email coach bang for more details’

good god

the water girl??

that would be pathetic

that min yoongi tho

wOO you are definitely thirsty for him

but not thirsty enOugh because there’s no way you’re going to be known as the dang water girl

‘ocean expedition next summer? come to seashell city and explore the ancient legend of the mermaid… extra credit included!’

now thAt sounds cool

but next summer??? you’re not planning to still be here neXt summer

you’re running out of options here

the ones that you’ve seen just don’t sit well with you

the ones that seem okay are already all booked up

you raise a brow when you find a smaller note pinned under an obnoxiously neon pink ‘JOIN THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD’ poster

oh cute

it’s a picture of a book

‘booking for extra credit? there’s no one to blame but your-shelf if you let this job opportunity slip away! come to the library and check it out!’

you cringe in your soul and shake your head

a 60 year old grandpa definitely wrote this up

you take the note off the bulletin board and re-read it

urhghUAhfasj

are u really going 2 do this

you really gon spend most of your time at the library instead of, oh, i don’t know, literally anYTHING ELSE

“beggars can’t be choosers” you mumble to yourself

plus this option doesn’t seem like it needs a lot of skill so it should be easy-peasy lemon-squeezy

the extra credit will just fall right onto your lap                                  

but at the same time

you despise the library

it’s too quiet

you can’t eat or drink in there

it always smells like musty old books

everyone’s always hogging the charging ports

you can’t talk without someone giving you a dirty look because apParently you’re being too loud when you wereN’T EVEN being that loud

your stomach always rumbles in the library and you end up not studying because you’re too focused on wondering what you should get for dinner

the last time you were at the library you were only there because jimin wanted to get some studying done and he needed a study partner

but that was literally like last year

now if he wants a study partner you tell him ‘it’s mY way or the highway’ which means you force him to study at your dinky apartment

you purse your lips and read the note yet aGAin

it seems like this is the option that makes you want to rip your fingernails off the least

so

it’s the library i guess

*confetti*

“what’s the matter with you?” jimin pokes your cheek with his fork before digging into his spaghetti

you scowl and rub the dot of tomato sauce off your cheek

“i’m failing three of my classes” you mutter before slumping against the table “and now i have to work at the library everyday to get extra credit”

jimin shrugs

“at least you’re not failing all of your classes?”

“i’m taking four courses this semester. i’m failing three out of four classes.”

jimin pauses and purses his pillowy lips

“like i said…at least you’re not failing four out of four classes?” he offers through a mouthful of pasta

he swallows “plus the library isn’t all that bad! books are… books are like… cool”

“you’re not doing a very good job of making me feel better”

“well, i don’t wanna be that friend - but you kinda did this to yourself!!!! working at the library is a consequence of not doing well in class, y/n. i’m sorry to break it to you, but you gotta do what you gotta do. you’re not allowed to complain because you let this happen to yourself.” jimin sighs frustratedly because as much as he loves you it’s so iRRitating when you’re whining about problems that could’ve very easily been avoided

“ya i guess so” you mutter

yeah

it’ll be fine

becoming a librarian will be great

maybe you’ll absorb the information from all the books that you’ll be hanging around with all day and become smart enough to graduate and not need the extra credit

jimin jumps when you let out a groan and smack your head against the table in defeat

life is really kicking your ass right now and is showing absolutely no mercy

“you want me to go in with you and drop you off at the counter?” jimin smiles sweetly and you shake your head and slip your arm from his

“this is a battle i’m going to have to face alone.” you shake a fist in front of you

“go on, my brave warrior.” jimin says dramatically before nodding “i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you let out a sigh before pushing the doors open and letting yourself in

you see a couple people sitting here studying

it is exam season after all

speaking of exam season u should probably start studying

you don’t remember the last time you were at the library

you came in once because you needed to pee really bad and this was where the nearest washroom was

also why is it so biG

there’s nobody at the front counter so you assume the guy went to the back because there’s like another room behind the desk

you whistle a tune to yourself as you lean against the counter and scroll through your phone

you’re blissfully unaware of the many people who are glaring at you because of your awful whistling

it’s when you get a (very rude) ’shh!’ that you raise a hand in defence and stop the whistling

it’s too quiET in here the whistling was necessary

these ungrateful assholes should be thankful

“hi there! can i help you with something?” you jump ten feet into the air from the voice that breaks the silence

you turn around and there’s this this tall ass tree of a guy standing behind the counter

he smiles at you and you immediately notice his sweet smile and cute dimples

he tilts his head before reaching up to adjust his glasses

“um, i…” he looks down and his eyes light up when he sees his poster in your hand

“oh, y/n! i didn’t know you were interested in working at the library” huh

he knows your name?

how does he know you

…do you know him?

well you have to know him otherwise how does he know your name

he pushes his glasses up and waits for you to respond

you decide to play along with it for the sake of a good first impression

or..,.,. good second impression??

you’re tempted to tell him you’re only doing this because you have no choice and also you’re failing your classes but he probably doesn’t want to hear all of that

“yeah! a little extra credit never hurts” you laugh and scratch the back of your neck “it’s nice to see you… again…?” you trail off because obviously you have no idea what his name is

you’re still confused as to how he knows your name

he kind of blinks at you and his eyebrows knit together in confusion before he’s like oOh okay i see what’s happening here

“i, uh, i’m namjoon, ha. i’m actually- we were in the same philosophy lecture last year. you… you bumped into me on the first day of class and spilt your coffee all over me.” namjoon chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck

oh yiKES

your cheeks flame up immediately and you press your lips together

good first impression!!!!1!1!

“oh! oh, right! yeah, of course i remember you, joonie!” the nickname slips out to try and soothe the awkward situation but you don’t think it’s working that well “i’m sorry about that, by the way. you know how klutzy i am” you clear your throat

namjoon chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his head

and then u remember an important detail

you raise a brow

“wait but like didn’t you graduate last year? you’re older than me aren’t you?”

“yes, i graduated last year. and yes, I’m older than you”

“….so why r u still here”

“i like it here! it’s as simple as that” namjoon shrugs and you hum in response

personally speaking

once you graduate (if u even graduate lol roasted) there is no turning back

you don’t want to come back here

you wasted four years in this torturous hell why would you willingly come back

but now that he reminded you that you two were in the same philosophy lecture it’s kind of coming back to you

you’ve seen his face like once or twice

he always sat in the front and always raised his hands to answer questions or remind the professor of assignments and oHhH right kim naMjOon

sometimes you and kook poke fun at him because like he’s genuinely suCh a n3rd and a dork aNd a try hard anD he always corrected people over the most minuscule mistakes and he’s a neat freak and wow you are suddenly realising you’re not a huge fan of namjoon

“please, i prefer namjoon.” namjoon clears his throat before setting the pile of books down on the counter “so… you wanna start working here? become the ~junior librarian~?” he sticks his hands out and does some jazz hands and you resist the urge to roll your eyes because woW that was lame

“yep, i need the extra credit” you shrug and lean against the counter

“why do you need extra credit?”

“i don’t think that’s any of your business, namjoon.” you tilt your head and namjoon’s like alright fair enough

“look. it’s pretty obvious you need some help around here.” you gesture to the cart stacked with like a trillion books sitting by the desk “and no one else has applied to help out according to your sad poster- i’m pretty much your only option, bro” you shrug as if to say ‘it’s not my fault’

okay

namjoon definitely doesn’t appreciate the tone and the attitude that you’re giving him

but you’re not wrong

surprisingly not a lot of people have come up to him wanting the job as the junior librarian

it’s kind of disappointing

being a librarian is so much fun!!!!!!

who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by books all day????

and no offence

but he doesn’t really want to give you this job because you’re just so,,., snooty and kinda rude

and you seem like you don’t care about anything

aNd you seem kinda disorganised

he’s just getting that ~vibe~ from you

but he doesn’t have a choice because he does really need the help and you need the extra credit so it works out for both of u

and he’s mature enough to work well with someone he doesn’t like so he’s sure he’ll be fine

namjoon purses his lips and exhales

“fine… i suppose i can let you work alongside me. but just to let you, i have a system for everything, so i would really appreciate if you followed the rules that i set in place and-“ you keep staring at him but you’ve drowned him out and you’re just singing a song in your head

“do you understand?” he finishes and adjusts his glasses before giving you a pointed look  

“ya man i gotcha” you click your tongue before pushing yourself off the counter and clapping your hands together “so chief where do i start” you take your backpack off and swiNG it over the counter and it fLOps to the ground loudly

namjoon’s eye twitches when your books spill out of your bag and you don’t bother picking it up

okay

what’s a job that’ll take a while and will require you to be awaY from him

ah

namjoon disappears behind the counter for a split second before reappearing with a duster and a rag

“those shelves over there need to be dusted.”

you raise your brows in disbelief

dusting

is that it

wow

easy frickin peASY ladies and gents

“at least try and make it hard for me.” you snort and snatch the duster and rag from him

extra credit - here we come! goodbye suMMER scHOOL

“see, i told you it wasn’t going to be bad!” jimin points out after you finish fleXing to him about how good of a dust job you did on those bookshelves

weird flex but ok lol

“i know!! i don’t actually mind the library, now that i think about it. the dead silence is kinda relaxing. but-“ you raise a finger “i’m not sure about that namjoon guy”

“namjoon?”

“he’s the librarian. he graduated last year and- god, he’s just… he’s such a nerd. which isn’t a bad thing, i guess? you know what i’m saying, right? he’s just,,,, i don’t know… he seems like the kinda guy who’d get a heart attack from breaking a tinY rule or something,, or i feel like if i drop a book he’ll start crying like he’s thAt kind of person”

jimin nods understandably before shrugging “i get it… but i’m sure if you give him a chance you’ll warm up and you’ll get along!! even if you don’t get along just keep it mind that you’re only doing this for a couple of months.”

“yeah, i guess.”

jimin’s usually right so you’ll take his word for it

maybe namjoon isn’t as much of a stick in the mud as you think he is

you’ll be fine

remember how in the beginning of all of this you were like this is going to be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy

well

it’s not

it’s not easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy

in fact it’s difficult-difficult-orange-difficult

why are there so many books here???????? it’s never ending!! every time you put one away like ten more appear on the counter and then namjoon’s like mmMm c’mon pick up the pace there’s a lot to do around here

you haven’t even had a chance to sit down for a minute because the library is huGe and you have to walk everywhere to make sure each book is in the right place and no books are overdue and if books aRe overdue to have to go and harass the person that still has the book and the point is THIS IS HARD AND YOU ARE TIRED

no wonder no one wanted this job!!!!!!!!! it’s hard work!!!!!!!!!!

you can’t help but wonder if that water girl job is still available but the thought of having to talk to someone like min yoongi makes you nervous so you shake the thought out of your head

aLSO

namjoon is boring

SO boring

what kind of modern young man willingly wears sweaters and cardigans and button up shirts all the damn time

also?? he keeps candies in his pockets

like he’ll be sorting through some files and then stops and he rifles through his pockets and pulls out a hard candy and pops it into his mouth

they’re those salted caramel hard candies and you’ve been tempted to ask him for one but.,,.,., u don’t want any of his damn pANT candy

also he’s so quiet and you’re very chatty so that’s another thing to add to the list of things you hate about kim namjoon

whenever you try to talk about your day he replies with mm’s and ah’s but never does anything to continue the conversation so you’re left in awkward silence waiting for a reaction

aLSO he has egg salad or tuna or plain turkey sandwiches and like vegetable soup and a piece of fruit (he literally said an apple a day keeps the doctor away one time and you were like what century are you living in???) for lunch most of the time and it sTANKS it’s awful  

and when you try to crack a joke he never gets the punchline which is infuriating because you like to think that you’re somewhat of a funny person

aren’t you??????

all he gives you is a polite laugh and a nod before he goes back to his book

you don’t know how long you can keep doing this

it’s been a month and a bit since you started working at the library

and namjoon would rather give himself a trillion paper cuts than work with you

you

are

awful

“y/n - you’re supposed to stamp the first page in the book - not the coVer of the book.” namjoon presses his lips together to keep himself from screaming when he sees you with a mountain of already wrONGLY stamped books

“oh. can’t you like erase the ink or something?”

“no you can’t- you can’t just erasE the ink the stamp is gonna be there forever”

“it’s okay i only stamped like 20 books” you shrug and instinctively stamp the book in your hands “…21 books”

“y/n whY… why did you use a glittery pink pen for the book record sheets”

“it makes it pretty! it’s not a big deal no one sees these sheets besides you and i” you grin and take the sheet from namjoon and he feels his soul die a little when you scribble something down with a neon green marker

also you keep giving yourself little breaks?? and the only breAK that is allowed on your schedule is your lunch break or the occasional washroom break whenever you need it

but you give yourself these nonexistent breaks

‘granola bar break’ - you take 30 minutes off to eat one single granola bar

‘texting break’ - this one’s worse because it happens more frequently like the two of you will be filing things together and namjoon likes to keep things working like a well-oiled machine but it’s hard to do that when you keep pausing to text someone and then you’re like okay where were we like it ruINS THE FLOW

‘reading break’ - THIS is awful because namjoon will see you study and he’ll be like okay at least she’s doing something educational and he peeks over and you’ve literally got your phone out scrolling through memes on instagram

and when he reprimands you for taking too many breaks you always wave him off and tell him to relax and to not get his panties in a twist

he feels like you’re doing this on purpose

pushing his buttons

getting under his skin in the worst way possible

also you keep calling him random names and he hATES IT he just wants to be called namjoon because that’s his name

“hey joon”

“namjoon”

“good morning joonie”

“namjoon”

“hi joonathan”

“joona- namjoon!”

“whaddup dimples”

“hey bookworm”

“hey nerd”

“what’s up four-eyes”

“yo yo yo dork”

“oi egghead where’d i put my phone”

“it’s namjoon - and feet off the counter” it’s almost automatic at this point when namjoon shoVes your legs off the counter and you nearly fall off your chair from the force

he gives you a warning look when you move to put your feet back up and you huff grumpily

“no messy foods in the library” you gawk when namjoon picks up your takeaway box of spaghetti and proceeds to dump it into the bin

“don’t use the books as coasters” namjoon snatches your drink and picks up the book then wipes the condensation from your drink off the front cover

“no more texting during work hours” your phone disappears from your hands and you blink down at your fingers because that was sO speedy

“oH my god am i even allowed to breathe in here???” you snap exasperatedly because you and jimin were talking about how kook slipped in the cafeteria and got banana milk all over tae’s new shoes and taheyung freAKED it was hilarious

namjoon blinks down at you before opening up a drawer and dropping your phone in there before proceeding to l o c k the drawer

are you KIDDING me

is this bitch for real???? he just locked up your phone???????

“i don’t know. your breathing is kind of loud, so we’ll have to figure out a way around that issue.” and with that he turns his back with a huff but not before turning to face you one last time so he can look you right in the eye as he drops your can of soda into the bin

it’s pretty obvious that you and namjoon most certainly do not like each other but the both of you are just being very passive aggressive and tip-toeing around the elephant in the library

you let out a breath and dig your nails into your palm

deep breaths deep breaths

we’re doing this to graduate

we can do this

aight

no biggie

remember how you promised yourself you’d be more responsible when it came to your work load

obviously you forgot about that promise

because you have a final in a week and a half that you completely forgot about that even frickin jungkook was aware about

and now you have to jam a whole semester’s worth of information into your head and finish that 12 page paper for your history class and work on your presentation for your film class and there’s just so much that you have to do and you don’t have enough time to do everything

you decided to skip your last lecture of the day (you asked tae to take notes for you and he’s usually good at that so you’re not worried) to come to the library and study

and you couldn’t find an empty table or anything so you figured you’d just study at the desk

you’re surprised to see that namjoon isn’t around because he practically lives at the library

okay it’s whatever

he’d probably distract you anyway

you plop yourself down on the chair and proceed to pull out all your notes and books and markers and you dump it all on the table

you crack your knuckles and look down at the mountain in front of you

let’s do this

namjoon hums a tune to himself as he opens the door and enters the library

he’s in an especially good mood today for some reason

the smile falters on his face when he realises that he’s going to be spending the rest of the day with you and that’s definitely going to soil his mood

ugh

you’re usually late because you always come after your classes so he expects that he’ll be in a good mood for about twenty more minutes or so

namjoon pauses when he sees the top of your head poking out from behind the front counter

you’re

on time?

he looks at his watch

no you’re not just on time

you’re… early

you’ve never been early to a shift before

how odd

maybe someone finally lit a fire under your ass and you’re finally being more responsible!!

okay

he’s still in a good mood

he’s about to give you a chirpy greeting (and this time he’s not going to correct you if you address him using another one of your lame nicknames) and then he’s suddenly aware of the scene in front of his eyes

“y/n?” namjoon furrows his brows to see you with your face buried in your arms and you’re surrounded by like teN textbooks and a lot of scrap paper with random notes scribbled on them and a million highlighters and pens “…whatcha up to?”

you don’t respond and he leans over the counter a little more

…are you even alive

suddenly you look up at namjoon

he takes a step back in surprise at the sight of your red and watery eyes and he’s like o shit she crying

“are you okay??” he unlocks the gate and steps behind the front counter to join you

“i don’t know anything, namjoon. i literally don’t know anything and my final is in a week and a half.” you sniffle and reach up to wipe your tears away

“oh god. i’m going to fail this exam and this is totally going to put my life on hold and everyone’s going to graduate before me and i’ll be stuck here because of how stupid i am” you sob and slam a textbook shut and namjoon jumps

he’s never seen you like this before

he’s never seen you so… defeated

usually you’re all smiles and you have a smartass comment ready to go at all times and even when he shuts you down you don’t let that stop you

so for the first time ever

when he sees you with puffy eyes and a trembling bottom lip and a permanent frown on your face

he feels… bad

and you called him namjoon

not joon or dimples or bookworm

namjoon

this is serious

even though you piss him off everyday because of how irritating you are

you don’t deserve to be this sad

namjoon sets his briefcase down before pulling his chair over and sitting down next to you

he looks over at all the textbooks briefly before looking up at you “what are you studying?” he hands you the box of tissues that are on his side of the desk and you thank him quietly before sniffling and wiping the tear that’s trailing down your cheek

“um, philosophy.” you sound kind of nasally from how much crying you’ve done but whatever “right now i’m looking at the main branches of philosophy but i just don’t geT it.”

“okay, well…” namjoon glances at your handwritten notes for a second and all you’ve written down is ‘philosophy notes’ with a bright purple marker

oh god

is he really going to do this

is he really going to help you right now

because he could totally just tell you to put your notes away and do your job

but instead he’s deciding that he’s going to help you study for your finals

even though you’ve been nothing but an obnoxious piece of shIT for the past two months

he’s going to help you whether you like it or not

“let’s start off with differentiating between the branches. typically, there are four branches. sometimes there are five, but for philosophy301 you just focus on four. logic, epistemology, metaphysics, and-“

“what are you doing?” you interrupt namjoon and look at him confusedly

he’s

he’s helping you?

what?

why??

whY?????

“i’m… explaining the four branches of philosophy. at least i’m trying to. what’s wrong?” he tilts his head and blinks twice “oh, you know what, maybe i shouldn’t… because i can’t focus if your study station is a pig sty.” he starts cleaning up your papers and putting your highlighters back into your pencil case

he pauses in the middle of stacking your textbooks to look at you “don’t just stare at me - clean up! and then we’ll get on with it.”

“namjoon, you don’t have to-“

“y/n, i swear to god.” namjoon groans quietly and taps the top of your head with a pen “stop being so stubborn and just be a good girl.”

you raise your hands in defence

you can’t help the little smile that twitches at the corner of your mouth

namjoon’s helping you

…you knew he had a soft spot for u

(little do you know that you have a soft spot for him too)

>:-)

namjoon spends the next two and a half hours explaining many different philosophical concepts to you and he answers every single one of your questions

at one point you get a little shy because you feel like your questions are dumb but namjoon reassures you that your questions are most certainly not dumb

he even paused to tell you a story of how in one of his classes he raised his hand and forgot what he was going to ask by the time the prof got to him so he ended up asking the prof ‘what class is this?’

that made you crack uP because you can imagine namjoon’s flushed cheeks and nervous stammer so clearly

also namjoon shared his lunch with you which was a surprise (today he brought in a turkey sandwich and an apple)

“my favourite sandwich is actually turkey on whole wheat with spicy mustard - and my favourite kind of apple is honey crisp!”

“spicy mustard is too much flavour for me. i just like putting mayo. and i’m a red apple kinda guy.”

“you’re boring” you tease him as you bite into the sandwich

“am not! don’t attack me for liking the plainer things in life!”

even though the ingredients are pretty plain somehow it still works and you find yourself scarfing it down in like thirty seconds

namjoon pulls a hard candy out of his pocket and offers it to you

“you’re giving me one of your precious candies??” you gasp and pluck it so delicately from his fingers as if it were made of glass or something

“it’s only because i feel bad for you because you criEd so don’t expect anymore candies from me” namjoon snorts and bites into an apple slice “also i always see you staring at me whenever i pull out a candy”

“it’s only because i’m wondering if they’re stale or not” you unwrap it and pop it into your mouth quickly before namjoon can take it back

“they most certainly are not!” he gasps in mock offence before reaching up to adjust his glasses

“your glasses are just as dorky as you” you reach over and brush your fingers over the thick rims and namjoon scowls before smacking your hand away

“don’t make me regret helping you and sharing my food with you” he points an accusatory finger in your direction and you grin cheekily “now, c’mon - let’s talk about famous philosophers and then we’ll start making some flash cards!”

“i like flash cards!!! ooh we can use my mArkERs-“ you start rambling excitedly about your multicoloured markers and namjoon finds himself smiling fondly as he watches you rummage through your pencil case

hm

maybe you’re not so bad after all

“yES you got it again! alright who do we have next…” namjoon shuffles through the pile of flashcards on his lap

“okay-“ he pauses to read the notes on the back of the flashcard before holding it up for you “who is saint thomas aquinas?”

“ooh, i know this one!!” you raise your hand even though you’re the onLY One stuDYING

you’re so lame

endearingly lame

:~)

“hm, any takers?” namjoon plays along and pretends to look around a classroom of people before pointing at you “ah! yes, miss y/l/n?”

he’s just as lame as you are

you clear your throat and sit up straighter

“saint thomas aquinas was a 13th century dominican friar, theologian and doctor of the church, born in what is known today as the lazio region of italy.”

“okay, and what did he do?”

“uh, his most important contribution to western thought is the concept of natural theology! …right?”

“mm, go on” namjoon leans back against his chair and plucks at his bottom lip as he skims over the notes on the back of the card again

“he… adhered to the platonic and aristotelian principle of realism, which holds that certain absolutes exist in the universe, including the existence of the universe itself…?”

namjoon puts the card down and stares at you and ur like o shit am i wrong

a smile creeps onto his face and he raises his fist for you to bump “you got it!”

“yAY” you give him a fist bump and apologise quietly when you hear someone in the distance go ‘shh!!!!!’

they’ve shushed you like five times in the last hour

whoops

both you and namjoon exchange glances before bursting into giggles

“uGHhgH namJOoON” you groan and slump against the table as you twirl your pencil between your fingers

today’s been a pretty slow day

wednesdays are your longest days because you have classes from 9 to 6

and now you’re at the library and namjoon is forcing you to study even though you’re like hey let’s rearrange books or something!!!! let me do my job!!!!

“no complaining! now sit up straight and listen to me.”

you ignore him and continue twirling your pencil around

“y/n. sit up and listen.” he sighs and raises an eyebrow

you curse to yourself quietly before forcing yourself to sit up but you slump against the chair as if your bones were made of jelly

okay

well

better than nothing

“okay, let me tell you about the gemeinschaft-gesellschaft dichotomy. it was proposed by tönnies as a purely conceptual tool rather than an ideal type in the way it was used by max weber to accentuate the key elements of a historic or social change. got it?”

you give namjoon a pointed look before huffing “no”

namjoon lets out a slow sigh and looks through his notes again

meanwhile you’re spinning around and around on your wheely chair

namjoon’s hand shoots out and grips onto the arm of your chair to stop you “how about we take a break?”

“yEs i love that! now that i understand.” you stretch your limbs out but quickly curl up when your stomach rumbles

huh

you forgot that you didn’t get a chance to eat lunch today

namjoon clears his throat

“i actually,.., um, i brought you some food today!” namjoon turns and grabs the paper bag sitting on his desk

you raise a brow

“you did?”

hm

that’s a surprise

that’s actually really nice of him

“you’ve been working and studying pretty hard lately so i thought i’d treat you to lunch! turkey on whole wheat with spicy mustard.” namjoon clears his throat and hands you the bag before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck “and also a honey crisp apple… and two caramel candies.”

oh

he

he remembered your favourite kind of sandwich and your favourite kind of apple

which means he went out of his way to buy ingredients that he would usually stay the heck away from

that’s… that’s kind of sweet actually

“you remembered what i like?” you reach into the bag and pull out the neatly wrapped sandwich

“the, uh, the dorky glasses make me more observant” namjoon taps the frames gently and you laugh

“look, i didn’t mean- like, dorky isn’t necessarily a bad thing i just- it’s cute! you’re cute” you flush immediately wOw what is wrong with you

you clear your throat “your glasses are cute. your glasses.” you murmur

both you and namjoon avoid gazes and you don’t realise it but both your faces are on fire

namjoon twiddles with his thumbs and bites back his smile  

you’re about to take a bite of your sandwich before you realise he’S not eating anything “hey, where’s your food?”

“oH, right” namjoon twists back and grabs his paper bag

“lemme guess - turkey on white with mayo with a red apple.”

“ah, nice guess, but i’m afraid you’ve been mistaken” namjoon tsks and shakes his head “it’s tuna sandwich tuesday!! and i brought a pear!”

you snort and roll your eyes playfully

only namjoon would have a tuna sandwich tuesday

“i believe that’s another point to me” namjoon leans back against his chair proudly after he makes yet anotHer paper ball dunk into the waste bin

you convinced him to take a lil break since you’ve been studying for an hour and a half and your brain is about to explode

and today you’re the one who brought lunch for him

you bought soup from the cafeteria!! luckily they made his favourite today!! chicken soup

he got so excited when you presented the little take-out bowl to him

he even offered you a spoonful and at first you were like nah but he said look the cafe’s chicken soup is AMAzing you will not regret this

he blew over it to cool it down first before feeding it to you and you were like o shit ur right this is good

he ended up feeding you a couple more spoonfuls as you looked over your notes

it was kinda cute but whateva

so it’s kind of that after-lunch lull where your tummies are full and you’re feeling lazy

which is why you and namjoon are competing in paper-ball

and namjoon is winning which is very surprising

whenever you play paper-ball with jimin you’re always in the lead so you’re not used to thIS

you’re realising now that you might be a bit of a sore loser

“it’s getting hot in here - it must be because i’m on fire.” namjoon smirks as he adds another dash under his name

“lame” you roll your eyes as you crush up another paper ball

“okay but seriously i’m like sweating” namjoon sits up and peels his sweater-vest off before unbuttoning a couple buttons on his shirt and rolling his sleeves up neatly

your eyes flicker over to his now exposed forearms

he has.,.., really sexy arms.,,.. what the hell,.,,

namjoon wheels a little closer to you until his knee is in between your legs “here lemme do it because your paper-balls all sucK” namjoon takes the ball from your hand and you feel a lil ziPzaP when his fingers brush over yours

what the hell x2.,.,.,., his hANDS.,.,.,., even his hANDS ARE SEXY

“what’s the matter with you? where’s the witty retort?” you look up from his hands quickly and namjoon’s grinning at you in a way that makes your heart skip a beat

.,.. EVEN HIS TEETH ARE PERFECT???

omg

what’s happening to you

you look away quickly and try to snap yourself out of it

what the fuck

what the fuck is happening

what’s going on with your body

why are your hands clammy

why is your heart racing like this

why do you want him to scoot evEN closer

you like namjoon

oh no

you like namjoon

oh NO sweetie you do NOT like kim namjoon

yes you do

no you don’t

mmmmmyes you do

NO you don’t you can’t like namjoon!!! he’s the worst!

he’s the best and you love him

he wears stupid sweater vests!!

he can pull it off tho and also his button-up is kind of thin today and you can see very faint outlines of his abs and it makes you want to run your hands over his bronzey smooth skin you LOVe it you perv

“y/n? you okay?” namjoon taps your knee gently and raises a brow when you jumP in your seat  

“i’m good! i’m just…” you snatch the paper ball from his grasp and point to the waste bin “i’m just getting my heaD in the game because i’m going to kick your ass”

namjoon laughs before gesturing for you to throw “i’d like to see you try.” he leans back against his chair and crosses his arms

frick

even THAt was sexy

you are losing your mind

you like kim namjoon

“good morning!” namjoon plops down next to you and you let out a little yawn as a good morning “today’s the big day~” he wiggles his brows “you ready?”

you look down at your flashcards and your notes and give a little shrug

you think you’re ready?? maybe

“i guess so??” you murmur and stretch your limbs out

you decided to come to the library before your 8AM exam because.,,,.., uh.,,,.,

okay you just wanted to see namjoon so WHAT

“i have something for you-“ namjoon rummages through his bag before pulling out a bracelet looking thing

a bunch of different shades of purple threads braided together neatly

she looks a little worn out but she still cute

“this was my good luck bracelet when i was doing exams during my last year - i thought maybe you’d want to wear it or something? you don’t have to, obviously, but i know how nervous you are and… yeah, i don’t know… i just wanted to give it to you i guess“

there it is again

your heart just went boom-boom for joon-joon

you press your lips together to hold back a dorky smile before you stick your hand out for namjoon “i need all the luck i can get”

namjoon smiles and shakes his head as he ties the bracelet around your wrist carefully “you don’t need any luck. i believe in you!” he glances at the clock hanging behind you on the wall “you better get going - it’s 7:42.”

you let out a little sigh before getting up off the seat and grabbing your pencil case and your water bottle

namjoon looks up at you with a small smile “i’ll see you after your exam?” he watches as you open the little gate to step out

“if i survive, that is” you retort and namjoon rolls his eyes

you’re about to walk out but you turn around swiftly “namjoon?”

namjoon looks up at you “mm?”

“thank you… for everything.” you murmur shyly while twisting the bracelet around your wrist “you’re… not bad. not bad at all.”

you don’t really know what to saY but all you know is that you’re super appreciative and grateful to have someone like namjoon,,, care about you

and you’re already not good with emotional things so ‘you’re not bad at all’ is a pretty big thing to say in your opinion!!!

lucky for you

namjoon fully understands

namjoon’s cheeks flush slightly and he shakes his head “get outta here you sappy loser”

he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding once you leave the library

and now that he has this moment alone

a realisation begins to creep into his mind

he likes you

well it’s pretty obvious at this point

things that used to irritate him about you are now endearing

he makes lunch for you willingly

he doesn’t flinch or move away when you initiate contact

he actually pays attention to your lame jokes

he gave you his good luck bracelet for god’s sakes

he likes you

you’ve been on edge for the whole day

this morning you got your philosophy final exam back

for a whole week this exam was on your mind and now it’s finally back in your hands and you can’t even bring yourself to look at your grade

because you’re terrified

you’re terrified that you failed yet another exam and you’ll have to graduate a year behind all of your friends and you’ll have to put your life on hold because you were a dumbass in university

and you’re terrified that you disappointed jin and jimin and namjoon

you don’t want to disappoint namjoon

but your exam has been burning a hole in your backpack and you figure that it’s now or never

“oh pleasepleaseplease” you whisper to yourself as your trembling fingers gently pull the crinkled, folded up piece of paper from your backpack

okay

hoo

okay

no need to panic

it’s just your philosophy final that you had to get at least a 90% on to make up for the rest of your shitty grades in that course

you pinch the corner of the page getting ready to flip it open

you take your bottom lip in between your teeth nervously

you squeeze your eyes shut

it’s now or never

you unfold it in one smooth motion and the paper makes a thwacking sound as you do so

you peel an eye open

you peel the other eye open

and the blood drains from your face

namjoon’s in the middle of putting books back onto the shelves

it’s the end of the day and there aren’t a lot of people around so it’s nice and quiet

namjoon likes these nice and quiet days

it’s just him and the books

him and his library

and then he hears something

frantic footsteps slapping against the floor in the distance

huh

someone must be in a rush

he furrows his brows when the footsteps get louder

and he whips around to look at the entrance of the library with narrowed eyes

…

…

…

bAM

he yelps in fear when the doors suddenly buRST open and a manic-looking you appears with wide eyes and a huGe (slightly terrifying) grin

you look around the library before you lock gazes with namjoon and if it’s even possible your smile grows wider

oh good god

you look like what’d he’d see in the corner of his room if he ever got sleep paralysis

“what-“

“yoU BEAUTIFUL TREE OF A MAN I LOVE YOU” the next thing namjoon knows you’re leaping into his arms and he quickly grips under your thighs instinctively so that you don’t fall flat on your ass

he stumbles backwards a little and his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as you smoosh kisses all over his face

he’s certainly not complaining but whAt the hell is going on

you drop back down onto your feet and you unravel your arms around namjoon’s neck and throw your hands up in the air “i goT 98% ON MY EXAM” you squeal excitedly before wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug and bouncing up and down and oHHH now he sees why you’re acting like a psychopath

“see!!!! i told you you could do it i’m sO ProuD of you!!!!!!!” namjoon grins and wraps his arms around your waist and twirls you around in a circle “98% is so good!!!!!”

“i know!! i never get a 98% on anything!!!” you giggle and pull away from the crook of his neck

your arms are still wrapped around his neck and his arms are still wrapped around your waist

your breathing slows down a bit as you start to calm down and

oh

your faces are very very close

and suddenly

you feel this overwhelming urge to kiss namjoon

you want him to kiss you

namjoon’s eyes flicker down to your lips and you feel your heart pounding in your chest

it’s going to happen

he’s going to kiss you  

you’re disappointed when he quickly takes a step back and pulls away from you

you clear your throat and smooth your skirt down and namjoon adjusts his wonky glasses

both of your guys’ faces are on fire

“anyways - 98% is really good! aim for 99% next time.” namjoon teases and turns around to look at his book cart again and the moment he turns away from u he mouths a ‘wHAT THE FUCK’ to himself because WHAT THE FUCK

meanwhile your face is on fire because that was deFINTEly something

you guys had a moment

does this mean namjoon likes you back

omg

doES IT?????

“joon” you approach him and tap his shoulder gently before standing next to him

“mhm?” he glances at you briefly before looking back at the books on the cart

you get up on your tiptoes and plant a little smooch on his cheek and namjoon freezes immediately

“is there anything for me to do?” you ask casually as if you didn’t just kiSS HIS CHEEK

“u-uh-“

“oh shoot you know what i was organising the thriller novels before my exam and i never finished doing that! let me go do that now and then you can give me something else to do” you disappear in between the shelves and namjoon blinks owlishly

he reaches up and brushes his fingers over his hot cheek

and the FATTEST smile appears on his face

today’s been kind of a slow day

namjoon texted you earlier and said he’d be in late today

so here you are

sitting behind the front counter

alone

well, not exactly

lisa, wendy and jisoo came to keep you company even though you insisted you were fine

they texted and asked if you wanted to grab some lunch and when you didn’t respond they all came to ambush you at the library

“yeah, sure! as soon as namjoon gets here we can go get some food.” you smile politely before looking back down at the computer

these girls,,, well they’re not your frieNds exactly

they’re in a couple of your classes

let’s just say they’re a whole lot more popular than you think you’ll ever be

they’ve taken a liking to you for some reason and you don’t mind because the more the merrier!! also it’s kinda cool because in high school you were never really friends with the ‘’’’’cool gals’’’’’’ so there’s that too

also you think another reason why they hang around you is because you’re friends with guys like jimin and jungkook and you don’t want to be that person but like..,,. YEaH ur boy-friends are really attractive so it makes sense to go through you to get to them (spoiler alert jimin and jungkook do not like any single one of these girls but you don’t have the heart to break the news to them)

“namjoon… why does that name sound so familiar” lisa furrows her brows and leans against the counter

“remember? he was that guy in our philosophy lecture last year - the one who sat at the front? he graduated last year” you hum and scribble something down

“oh shit, i remember!!!” lisa gasps “…oh god, he was awful. such a try-hard”

wait what

your head pops up and you furrow your brows “well like he’s not a try-hard he’s just passionate about-“

“i hated him. he kept reminding the prof to give us pop quizzes” wendy shudders

“i bet he’s still a virgin”

“who cares if he-“

“i bet he hasn’t had his first kiss yet”

“we can’t just assume that he hasn’t just because he-“

“yeah, i wouldn’t be surprised” jisoo snorts “who the hell would wanna kiss someone who looks like that?”

what the hell

what kind of assholey thing was that to say??

“…what?”

“oh, c’mon, y/n. the sweater vests. the pervert glasses.”

“he’s tall and gangly. no meat on his bones??”

“i could never even imagine dating a loser like that!”

and suddenly you remember why you don’t like these girls

namjoon is in a very vEry good mood today

and now he gets to spend the rest of the day with you so he’s teN times happier!!!!!!!

plus he brought lunch for you again because he knows that sometimes you neglect your stomach and he can’t have that (and as cute as your stomach rumbles are he wants to make sure you’re eating and not skipping lunch just because you’re too lazy to line up)

he hopes you like the sandwich

he cut it into the shape of a heart just because he thought it was kinda cute

and uh

the heart-sandwich kind of emphasises the fact that he likes you a lot

ALSO

he picked out a bunch of little daisies from the ground on his way here

and he tied them together in a little bouquet using a blade of grass

very rustic looking bouquet but still adorable!!

he looked like a madman yanKIng all the daisies out of the ground but u know what he’s embracing it because he’s a fool in LOVe

he accidentally stepped on a couple daisies and was like yikes

and he has a couple specks of dirt on his shirt but he’ll deal with it later

anyways

today’s the day he’s going to tell you that he likes you ~romantically~ and he’s going to ask if you wanna grab dinner after you guys leave the library tonight

he even made reservations at this cute cafe he hopes you’ll like

and he’s dressed extra spiffy today

his hair is swept back neatly and he even used a lil more gel to keep every strand in place

there’s not one speck of dust on his glasses lens

he ironed his tie and his button-up

and he’s wearing a brand new expensive cologne

all for you!!!!!! because you are woRth it

his heart skips a bit at the mere thought of your smile and that adorable giggle and the way your nose crinkles when he scolds you playfully

frick he likes u sO MCUH

he decides to take the back door today

just because the romance books are on the shelves in the back and he’s in a romantic mood and wants to pick out a book for you to read

he’s thinking Jane Austen’s ‘Persuasion’ is a good one

namjoon’s finger brushes over the spines of the books on the shelves as he looks for it

he perks up when he finds it

perfect!!!!!!!

he tucks the book under his arm and adjusts his book bag on his shoulder and triple checks that he has everything

sandwich? check

new book?? got it

flowers???? yEs

say it with me now: hoTEL?trivAGo

he hears the murmuring of some voices as he nears the front and he freezes when he hears his name float through the air

hm?

he pokes his head out from around the corner and sees you and a couple of who he can safely assume are your girl friends because they’re all giggling about something

namjoon furrows his brows and stays hidden behind a bookshelf

a little eavesdropping never hurts nobody

“you would never go out with someone like namjoon, right? i know i wouldn’t” lisa taps the top of your head to get your attention “not even if we were the last people on earth”

“yeah, i don’t think i would either” you reply automatically because if you said yEs i’d go for namjoon (and u totally would) you’d never hear the end of it

((but at the same time who cares about what these girls think?? they’re not ur real friends))

you don’t want to go out with them anymore

as soon as this conversation ends you’re kicking these assholes the heck out of the library

but you can’t kick them out without saying something nice about namjoon because ?? namjoon is one of the sweetest guys ever and they need to be aware of that

“but without him i wouldn’t have passed my exam so i have to give him some credit for that” you point out and hope that they’ll cut him some slack

wendy leans against the counter and gasps

“oh, i love that, you cold-hearted bitch!!! taking advantage of the smarty-pants virginey loser to pass your exams?? geniuS”

okay

that didn’t exactly work out

“you would never go out with someone like namjoon, right? i know i wouldn’t”

“yeah, i don’t think i would either”

…

…

…what?

namjoon deflates and he feels his heart clench in his chest

his fingers tighten around the paper bag and he takes a small step back

frick

he knew this day was going too well

you…

you really wouldn’t want to go out with him?

you wouldn’t even give him one chance?

was he really that awful?

“but without him i wouldn’t have passed my exam so i have to give him some credit for that”

“oh, i love that, you cold-hearted bitch!!! taking advantage of the smarty-pants, virginey loser to pass your exams?? geniuS”

namjoon’s eyes flutter shut and he presses his lips together

of course

of coursE this would happen to him

you were the one person that he thought might’ve actually like him back and it turns out you were only using him to pass your exams

how could he not have seen that????

you???? being interested in him?????

i m p o s s i b l e

you don’t go for dorky librarians like him

you go for guys like min yoongi and jeon jungkook and park jimin

well now he just feels stupid

he has a stupid heart shaped sandwich and a stupid honey crisp apple and a stupid packet of animal crackers in this stupid paper bag that has your name on it because he has a stupid crush on you and he really thought you liked him back and he was looking forward to taking you out on a stupid stUPID date

but of course the inevitable happens

you don’t like him… at all.

you used him?

your fingers tighten around the pen and you bite down on your tongue

these girls are getting on your nerves now

whatever

you’re kicking them out now you’re done with this  

“anyways - as much as i wanna talk about how much of a loser kim namjoon is,” you say sarcastically and make air quotes “i think i have some work to do so i’m going to have to put a rain check on-“

you jump when you hear the sound of some books toppling off the shelf and everyone immediately looks at the source of the sound

you stand up and peek over the girls’ shoulders

and the blood immediately drains from your face

“n-namjoon?”

oh,,,., god

oh no no nO

did he hear everything you said??

namjoon doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to break even more

but then

“anyways - as much as i wanna talk about how much of a loser kim namjoon is, i think i have some work to do so i’m going to have to put…”

ouch

okay

big yikes

this did not go according to plan at all

maybe he should head out the back door and then come in through the front door and just act like everything is normal

yes

that’s a good plan

namjoon turns around to leave but he stumbles over his feet a little and his hands reach out to grip onto the bookshelf  

instead what happens is he shoves a couple books riGHt off the shelf and namjoon curses before automatically dropping to his knees to pick them up

“n-namjoon?”

oh shit

where does he go from hERE

namjoon freezes like a deer in headlights and he swallows thickly before slowly turning to look up at you “u-uh, i-i-“

“hey, look what the cat dragged in!” wendy coos and namjoon feels his heart starting to race in his chest when the girls approach him “what do we have here, hm?”

before he has the chance to pick up the paper bag jisoo snAtches it from the ground

“oh, y/n! it’s for you!” she unrolls the top and reaches it before pulling out the sandwich

she coos before pushing her bottom lip out in a mocking pout “aw, isn’t that cute? a wittle heart shaped sandwich for y/n!” her eyes flicker down to the bouquet of daisies that have now been tramPled on “and a bouquet of weeds!! ever the romantic, aren’t you??”

namjoon feels his entire face flush bright red and he’s struggling to put the books back onto the shelf

he’s just doing whatever it takes to avoid eye contact with the girls

“you’re looking a little red, namjoon. maybe you should take that cardigan off?” wendy pinches his cheek and namjoon gets off his knees immediately

although he towers over them he knows they’re the ones holding the power in this moment

“what’s the matter? you’re not even going to say hi to y/n??” lisa frowns before gesturing to you

namjoon locks gazes with you and your heart clenches when you’re able to see the pure hurt and pain in his glassy eyes

he looks away from you immediately and bends down to grab his bag

“nam-“ the next thing you know he spRints towards the front door and leaves

all three girls burst into laughter and jisoo tosses the paper bag and the flowers onto the front counter and it lands right in front of you

your heart tightens at the sight of your name scribbled on it with a little heart drawn next to it

you pick up the bouquet of daises and they flop down against your fingers sadly

“…you guys are assholes” you hiss and start packing up your things

“what? y/n, what’s wr-“

“all of you - get out!” you snap and point towards the door as you zip your backpack up frantically

the girls all exchange glances before scoffing and leaving the library

good fucking riddance

you basically leAp over the gate and sprint towards the front door

you’re not technically supposed to leave the library because no one’s at the front desk but you need to find namjoon

jesus

you should’ve said something!!! you should’ve stuck up for joon!!!! why didn’t you???

why didn’t you stick up namjoon who always makes sure you’re drinking enough water and eating enough food and not skipping meals and who always offers to get you a snack whenever he goes to the cafe and is always very patient with you when he’s teaching you something new and is always giving you new books to read

namjoon with his boisterous laugh when you or that shy giggle he does where he covers his mouth and his eyes crinkle

namjoon who makes you feel happy and safe and warm and smart and all the good things in the world

namjoon who makes your heart go boom-boom because of how sweet and caring and wonderful he is

namjoon who has two left feet and has officially tripped his way into your heart

you look like a maniac because you’re sprinting everywhere to try and find namjoon but you seriously don’t know where he is

you’re out of breath and your bag is flopping against your back anD you’re holding onto the daises and the paper bag for dear life

you spend an hour trying to find namjoon

but he’s nowhere to be found

you end up back at the library and you let out a sigh as you shut the gate behind you

it’s the end of the day so there’s nobody around really

the sun is beginning to set

you groan and slam your head against the desk in frustration

you

are

an idiot

congratulations, y/n y/l/n - you fucked up.

“thank you” namjoon smiles at the waitress before sitting up a little straighter and reaching out for the sandwich on his plate

he takes a small bite and his eyes flicker to across the booth where you should be

suddenly he’s not feeling very hungry anymore

he swallows his bite and pushes the plate away before slumping against the booth and looking out the window of the cafe

he curses to himself when he feels a lump growing in his throat

he feels dumb crying over you

he should’ve known you would never go for someone like him

he sniffles and reaches up to dab away the single tear that’s threatening to spill over

namjoon doesn’t come to work the next day

instead you’re met with the sight of some random guy sitting behind the counter

his name is hoseok and he’s all smiles and you’re sure he’s a nice guy but he’s really getting on your nerves right now

and he has the audacity to ask you if you need help with anything

he’s sitting in namjoon’s chair!!!!!!

“sorry- where’s namjoon?” you interrupt his little rant about his day and he blinks at you

“hm? oh! uh, not sure… would you like me to try contacting him for you? if you have a question about how things work around here you can always ask me! i used to work at the library but they told me i talked too much buT here i am again because-”

oh my god this guy is infuriating

namjoon doesn’t come to work the next day

or the next

or the next

or the next

you’re starting to get worried

you’ve texted him - no response

you’ve called him - no response

you talked to jin and jin told you that you actually have enough extra credit now!! so you’ve been relieved of your librarian duties buT since namjoon isn’t there you can fill in for him til he comes back

“i thought i was supposed to continue working there til the end of the semester? and after the semester ends i’ll get the extra credit?”

“yeah, i thought so too - but i guess you’ve done such a good job that namjoon’s given you extra exTra credit!! good job!!!” jin grins and claps his hands together “goodbye summer school!!!!!! now, listen, let’s not fail our courses so that i don’t have to have this discussion with you again, how about we…”

o god

namjoon doesn’t want you around anymore thAt’s why he gave you the all extra credit immediately

you slump against the seat as jin continues to blab about a study plan for you

what are you doing to do now?

two weeks pass by and you’ve gone to the library every single day in hopes that namjoon will be there

instead you’re met with hoseok’s smiling face

side note: you’ve warmed up to him he’s actually really sweet

but you just

you miss your joonie

so when you walk into the library after a particularly tiring day and see namjoon sitting at the desk instead of hoseok

you’re understandably a little shook

“namjoon?? where have you been????” you gasp and shut the gate behind you “i-i’ve texted and i tried calling you but you-“

“i just needed a break.” namjoon shrugs

there’s an awkward silence between the two of you and you pluck at a loose thread on your sweater

okay

you need to say something

you had something planned out but for some reason you can’t remember what you were going to say

how about you start off with sorry

okay

that’s a good plan

start off with sorry

easy peasy lemon squeezy

you clear your throat and sit down in your chair before scooting closer to namjoon

he doesn’t budge

that’s a good sign.,., right

“hey, uh, look - i’m sorry-“

“it’s fine.” namjoon replies softly and flips to the next page in his book

it’s obviously not

he can’t even look you in the eye

“namjoon, i-“

“i think you should go. people who aren’t librarians aren’t supposed to be behind the desk.” namjoon snaps his book shut before getting up off his seat and walking over to the gate

he holds it open for you

okay

you deserve that

“i just wanted to say that i’m sorry-“

“yeah, i got it. is there anything else i can help you with?”

god

u feel awful

you pluck at the purple bracelet around your wrist nervously

“please, just give me a second to explain-“

“you’ve done plenty of explaining. i get it. i’m not good enough for little miss y/n y/l/n.” namjoon scoffs “message received loud and clear.”

“no, that’s not tru-“

“now if you’ll excuse me, i have some students waiting who actually need help.” namjoon gestures to the line of students before pointing at the gate

you swallow the lump in your throat and you stand up and grab your bag

difficult difficult orange difficult

namjoon feels a twinge of guilt nibbling away at his conscience

it’s been about

five days? since he last saw you

five days since you tried apologising and he didn’t even give you a second to explain yourself which honestly wasn’t fair of him

and he wants to talk to you and stuff but,..,., like.,. he’s never experienced anything like this before and he doesn’t know what to do

are the two of you just going to avoid each other for the rest of your time here

the only time you interact will be when you check out a book at the library which very rarELy happens

he can’t help but wonder when he’ll see you again

the next time he sees you he’s definitely going to say something

and it seems like someone up there is either on his side or really hates him

because there you are

behind the counter

but he hasn’t had a chance to prepare for this situation and whAT IS HE GOING TO SAY TO U

it’s then that he notices that something is off

“y/n? what are you doing here? you don’t work here anymore and… it’s saturday.”

namjoon jumps when you whIP around clutching a bunch of books to your chest

“i put all the returned books away. i stamped all the new books on the first page and not the front cover-“

namjoon can barely pay attention to what you’re saying because you look

well

you looking a little rough girl

there are bags under your bloodshot eyes

your hair is pulled up into a messy bun

there’s a pen stuck through the bun

your reading glasses are tangled in your hair

“i also put the new books into the cataloguing system so you don’t have to spend this weekend doing that anymore!! you can go home and rest if you want!! i-i can take care of it!!”

“how long have you been h-“  

“i’ve restrung all the old books that are falling apart! i-i vacuumed behind the desk and i dusted the bookshelves too-“ you gesture wildly to the bookshelves

“y/n - jesus, you look like you’re about to pass out i think you should rest” namjoon rushes behind the counter and grabs onto your shoulders to steady you because you’re starting to sway a little bit

even though he’s still hurt by what happened he’s not going to prioritise thAt before you especially since you don’t look so good right now

also now that a good amount of time has passed he’s slowly starting to get over it

if you don’t like him like that then you don’t like him like that

there’s nothing he can do about it

he just has to accept it

“no namjoon listen to me look i even restocked on those black pens you like so much and i didn’t use my glittery pink pens when i labelled the books!” you sniffle and look up at him with watery eyes before gesturing to the cup of pens

“yes, i see that-“

“i just need you to know how sorry i am, okay?”

“yes, and i’ve forgiven you-“

“no, you haven’t! you haven’t forgiven me and i can see why! if i were in your shoes i wouldn’t forgive me! i’m just an asshole and there’s literally no excuse in the world to defend what i said about you and i feel awful and i’d understand if you never wanna see me again because i would never wanna see me again-“

“-y/n-“

“but you’re literally the sweetest guy i’ve ever met and i like you so sO much and you didn’t have to help me study for my finals and you didn’t have to give me extra credit-“

“-y/n-“

“and you need to know that i don’t think all those awful things about you i was just being stuPId because those girls make me act stupid and i don’t know i should’ve defended you but i didn’t but i reaLLy wanted to but i-i just froze and i didn’t know what to do and aLSO i’m not letting you give me extra credit because i’m smart enough to know that i have to finish working for a full semester before you administer extra credit-

“oH my god will u just shUT UP”

in a raRe act of spontaneity namjoon grabs your cheeks and bends down and plants his lips right against yours

and as cheesy as it seems

f i r e w o r k s

your eyes flutter shut and you fist namjoon’s shirt in your hands as you kiss him back

and then namjoon realizes the the fact he’s kissing you

he’s kissing you

he pulls away quickly and steps back and you immediately miss his warmth but also

he just kissed you

did that really happen??

or are you overtired and you just dreamt that whole thing up??

“wha…”

“i forgive you, alright? and… you can come back and work here for your extra credit.” namjoon clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck “now go and take a nap before you pass out right here right now”

his entire face is on fire

what the hell was THAT

namjoon watches as you lie down behind the counter and cuddle up to a makeshift pillow (his hoodie that he let you borrow after a long night of studying)

a couple days go by

things are

kinda normal ??

you guys are slowly falling back into your old routine

you apologise again and namjoon reassures you that he’s forgiven you and tells you to stop saying sorry before he kicks you out again

you get a chance to fully explain the situation and noW namjoon definitely forgives you

it was a misunderstanding and yeah he was pretty hurt but

he’s over it now

and he tells you to quit apologising otherwise he’ll make you a sandwich with no mayonnaise at aLL and you shut up immediately

also

you two haven’t brought up the kiss at all

namjoon is mortified

he’s never going to be spontaneous ever again

do you even remember kissing him?? (yes u do and ur freaking out about it)

god he hopes not

jeSus

if it isn’t obvious by now namjoon is a lil bit of a coward

it’s not his fault!!!!

why would a sane person want to step out of their comfort zone?? just STAY in the comfort zone that’s why it’s called the C OM F O R T zone

things that are within the vicinity of kim namjoon’s comfort zone:

1) adding a touch of sriracha to his sandwiches for a LITTLE bit of a kick

2) drinking soup and wearing a crisp, white button-up because he’s very neat and is 100% positive he won’t get a droplet of soup on his shirt

3) not making a move on you because he doesn’t know what to do and if he doesn’t know what to do he’s just going to leave it like that

you, on the other hand

you are very different

things that are within the vicinity of y/n y/l/n’s comfort zone:

1) adding a SHITloAD of spicy mustard to your sandwiches because p a i n   i s p le a su re

2) drinking soup and wearing a white tee-shirt because who cares?? if u stain the shirt you can just say you bought it like that AND it gives your clothes more character

3) making many maNy moves on namjoon to try and encourage him to reciprocate affection and eventually admit that he has feelings for you

“good morning, joonie~” namjoon’s eyes pop open when you lean down and plant a ‘’;’friendly’;;’;’ kiss on his cheek

o

that was unexpected

“morning” he clears his throat and stays quiet as you sit down and pull your things out

you wheel closer to him and look down at the desk “whatcha doin?”

“uh,” namjoon looks down at the book on the desk “re-binding a book… it, um, it was kinda falling apart but to be fair it’s a really old book so i can see why-“

“do you need help??” you reach over and brush your fingers over where namjoon’s holding the spine of the book down as he waits for the glue to dry

his cheeks immediately buRST into flames and he yanks his hand away before breaking into a nervous laugh “no!! it’s okay!!! i- uh, i suddenly remembered i.,,. i have to pEE” the chair spiNS in circles from how quickly he zippEd off of it and you let out a small breath

this is going to be a lot harder than u thought

“y/n, where did you- oh, there you are! your soup is getting cold” namjoon scratches the back of his neck

he furrows his brows when he sees you on your tip-toes on the toP STEP of the very VERY old wooden ladder

you turn to glance at him “oh, hey! i’ll be right there. i’m just cataloguing some of these older books”

“okay, um- maybe you should use the metal ladder instead?? didn’t i tell you the wooden one is basically falling apart?” namjoon adjusts his collar nervously

o god

his palms are getting sweaty

you look down at the ladder before shaking your head

“you never told me that”

LIES

he DID tell you that but this is all part of your master scheme

>:-)

although you’re probably going to break every single bone in ur body if you’re not careful so u should probably get off soon

you’re not aware of this yet but the weak wood is starting to splinter a bit under your weight

“i’m fine, joon. look!” namjoon’s heart stops in his chest when you stomp down on the step in a poor attempt to prove its stability “see?? totally fine”

oh my god

you’re purposely trying to kill him aren’t you

luckILY it doesn’t fall apart

and then he hears the first splinter

and a crack

and another crack

namjoon’s superman instincts immediately kick into gear and he zips towards you when the ladder suddenly snaps and you’re sent hurdLING TO THE GROUND

you find yourself in namjoon’s arms in a millisecond after falling and you blink up at him “holy shit”

“i toLD YOU” namjoon scolds and doesn’t budge when you slip an arm around his shoulder and praCTIcally cuddle up to him “i told you the wooden one was crap but you neveR listen to me and you could’ve seriously hurt yourself and whAT was the whole stomping thing are you an IDIOT-“

“you care about me” you grin and poke his chest and namjoon glances down at you

he clears his throat

“of course i care about u” he lets you back down onto your feet and takes a step away from you “now come and eat ur stupid soup before i smack u”

somehow you end up tricking namjoon into feeding you spoonfuls of soup because you’re “still shaken up from what just happened”

namjoon rolls his eyes at your antics but uh

he plays along

:-)

“y/n y/l/n??? reading??? preposterous!” you look up from your book when namjoon suddenly appears and sets a stack of books on the countertop

“don’t use your fancy vocabulary in front of me, you know i only know like 3 words maximum”

“what are you reading?” he adjusts his glasses and peeks over a little

“i don’t even know what i’m reading. i just picked it up because i was bored. it’s called ‘Captain Corelli’s Mandolin’. i thought it was about pirates but it’s….. noT.”

of course u thought it was about pirates

“oh! i’ve read that one! Louis de Bernières, right?”

you close the book to look at the front cover

“ya it’s lewis dee bearnards.”

namjoon looks at you like,, okay A+ for effort

“read it out loud”

“don’t you have work to do?”

“i do, but read a line to me! refresh my memory”

“alright, alright - here” you lean your elbows on the counter so that you’re right next to namjoon

you clear your throat and open the book to find where you were at

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.”

“Because this is what love is.” namjoon quotes quietly and you put the book down

the two of you lock gazes and you can’t help but notice that something feels different between the two of you

and then you find yourself leaning closer

and closer

and closer

and-

“anYways it’s a really good boOk” namjoon suddenly stands up before clumsily picking up the stack of books “i’ll be in the back!!!!!!”

you groan quietly

SO close

“thanks for walking me home” you smile up at joon and he nods in response “and thanks for lending me your cardigan”

you slip your arm from his as you go to unlock your door

you turn around and wrinkle your nose “you probably want your cardigan ba-“

“you can keep it!” namjoon blurts out and quickly looks away “i mean, um… if you want. you can keep it. so next time you have something to keep you warm when it’s cold?”

you press your lips together to hide your grin and you nod and look down at the plain brown cardigan “okay, well… thanks again.” you murmur and take a lil step closer to namjoon

he looks up at you in surprise and you can FEEL the magnetic attraction bringing the two of you closer and closer

it’s going to happen

he’s going to kiss you at your front door

and it’s going to be magical

and then-

“i think i left my oven on at home” namjoon breathes out and he’s SO close you feel his breath wash over your lips “can i text you later?”

god DAMNIT

this is fucking ridiculous

you and joon keep having these almost-kiss moments and you will GLADLY smooch the man but he backs out every time and is like hOohOo i’ll be in the back!!!!!!!!! or he’ll be like i NEED 2 PEE or like i NEED TO READ A BOOK NOW

whenever you’re standing near him or your knee brushes over his when you guys are sitting with each other he gets all nervous and jittery and his face gets all flushed and then he’s like i NEED TO DUST SOMETHING

and then when he leaves each time you have to refrain yourself from grabbing the stapler and like stapling your fingers together out of frustration

he’s just so!!!!!!!! he’s being such a nAMJOON

you’ve never really chased a guy down like this before

and at first it was fun but now you’re just frustrated

so you’ve finally decided it’s time for the last resort

as much as you hate confrontation

it’s necessary in this situation

“i have a question for you” you murmur as you scribble a note down in your journal

it’s a pretty quiet afternoon in the library (as per usual except there are less people here since exam season is over)

namjoon’s sitting behind the counter and you’re standing in front of it doing your work because you felt like your ass was going to fall off from how numb it became due to you sitting on it for like 5 hours straight

you set your pencil down quietly “joon.”

namjoon sighs and flips through his book “if it’s about the online library system i told you you have to hit the big green button for it to sav-“

“why don’t you wanna kiss me again? i know you like me too”

wait wat

namjoon chokes on his tea and pats his chest a couple times before quickly adjusting his glasses

did you just

did he hear you right

what the fu

what???

what’s happening

is this a fever dream

you like him too?

“sorry - w-what?”

“i said - i know you like me too. so what’s the problem, dimples?” you lean over on the counter and prop your chin up on your palm

what’s the problem?

the problem is that this is way too good to be true

he knows exactly what’s happening

you don’t like him you only think you like him

he doesn’t need your pity

you’re only saying you like him because he’s the lame librarian and he’s not mr athlete like yoongi and you’re trying to make him feel better

“i- who- look, i don’t know who put this ridiculous idea in your head, but i-i don’t!” namjoon gets up from his chair quickly and walks out from behind the counter

the little gate snAPS shut

“why’d you kiss me in the first place then??”

…,.,.touché

“to get you to shuT uP” namjoon explains as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world even though he’s definitely lying thru his teeth right now

“to get me to shut up mY ASS”

namjoon bites down on in inside of his cheek and suppresses a groan

OH my god you are so IRRITATING

“wha- if anything, i think you’re the most infuriating, annoying, and obnoxious girl i’ve ever met!” namjoon takes a step towards you and towers over you but you don’t budge “you- you always crash the cataloguing system and you never put the books back in alphabetical order like you’re supposed to and on top of that you’re always bringing your dumb snacks in here and you always leave crumbs everywhere for me to clean up even though i’ve told you multiple times you have to clean up after yoursel- mmph!”

namjoon’s eyes go as wide as saucers when you’re suddenly grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and yanking him down so that you can kiss him

S M O O C H

you pull away and namjoon blinks quickly before his cheeks flare up

you let go of his collar and smooth it down before prodding your finger into his chest accusingly

“you have all these complaints about me yet you never activELy try to stop me and that signals to me that yoU LIKE ME- oh!” namjoon’s suddenly grabbing your waist and pushing you up against the counter and then he leans down to mash his lips against yours

you feel the sting from where the counter is digging into your back but holy shit you do noT give a fuck right now

his hands are cupping your face and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss

namjoon licks into your mouth and you let out a small noise of surprise

you whimper and tug at his tie to pull him even closer to you

“waIt wait wait oh god this is highly inappropriate y/n we’re in an educational setting” namjoon pulls away from you and you find yourself chasing after his lips before you’re like you’rE right you’re right

so the two of you step away from each other and you smooth out your shirt while namjoon adjusts his collar

the two of you look at each other and lock gazes

…

and then you’re immediately lunging at each other again and namjoon’s strong arms wrap around your waist while your arms wrap around his neck

he lifts you up in one swift movement and you find yourself sitting on the countertop leaning down to kiss joon while he slots himself in between your legs and places one hand on your waist while the other rests on your thigh

“you’re a very good kisser” you murmur into the kiss  

“don’t underestimate me” he squeezes your thigh and you smack his hand away when it starts sliding up higher and higher

“so are you still positive that you don’t like me back?” you pout and slide a hand down his chest and namjoon reaches up to wrap his fingers around your wrist

he purses his lips and pretends to think “you might have to kiss me again and then i’ll have a definite answer for you”

you giggle and cup his cheeks before leaning in to give him a sweet little peck and namjoon hums happily

“…yeah, i definitely like you back”

the two of you can’t hide the fat grins on your faces

god bless the library

surprisingly enough you aren’t actually that much of a party person

just because going to parties requires so much damn effort

you take like two hours to slather 10 pounds of makeup on your face and another hour to squeeze into a saucy outfit

and then when you get to the frat house it’s all dark inside so doing your makeup wasn’t even worth it

and when you sit down you have to sit straight otherwise you’ll buSt out of your jeans

you only go to parties because of jimin

he usually takes care of the drinks and it would be plain rude of you to say no to free drinks!!!!!!!!

the basketball team is celebrating their big win and they’re going aLL out and they asked jimin to take care of the drinks for them at this party and so jimin was like ya you don’t have a choice you have to come to the party

and you know jimin’s going to be busy all night so you invited namjoon to come along

no offence to your sweet boyfriend but you hope he doesn’t get too overwhelmed because he gets overwhelmed pretty easily

obviously parties aren’t his scene which isn’t a bad thing

you told him that if he was uncomfortable and wanted to leave you would totally leave with him

you’re predicting that he’s going to show up in a sweater vest or something

bless him

to be fair you’re wearing one of his cardigans over your outfit right now just because it’s still a little chilly out anD the cardigan kind of matched with your ~lewk~ for the night

and also it smells like him and makes u feel cozy

:~)

“look at this set up! this is like a legit bar” you smooth your hands over the marble countertop and jimin nods enthusiastically

“i know right!!! you’re lucky that you’re friends with the bartender - so what can i get for you tonight, ma’am?” jimin smirks and tosses a rag over his shoulder before wiggling his brows

“surprise me, minnie” you grin

“where’s namjoon?” jimin plops a chunk of lime into the shaker

“he’s on his way! he wanted to stay back and clean up before coming here and he-“ your phone suddenly buzzes in your pocket “-and he’s calling me right now pardon me” jimin nods and wanders off to the other end of the bar for the ice

“hello?”

“hey, i just got here - where are you?”

“i’m by the bar! i’m wearing your cardigan so-“

“oh! okay, i see you. i’ll see you in a sec” you hang up and slip your phone into your back pocket and jimin wanders back over with your drink

“i’ll start you off with a spicy blackberry margarita” you ‘ooh’ in amazement because this looks like a veRy fancy drink

jimin watches you expectantly as you take a sip and your eyes pop open “this is SO good!!!!! please keep them coming or i’m suing” you murmur while taking the straw in between your lips again

“hi baby” you feel someone slip an arm around you from behind and you immediately recognise that musky cologne when joon props his chin up on your shoulder

“mm- hey dweeb” you pop a quick kiss on his cheek but you’re not really paying attention because this drink is bOMB

“what are you drinking?”

“it’s a spicy blackberry margarita. did you wanna try- woah.” you choke on your drink when namjoon sits on the stool next to you and you get a really reALLy good chance to look at your boyfriend because sweetie this is not your boyfriend

he has his hair slicked back

he’s not wearing his glasses

he has two small silver hoops hanging from his ears

he’s wearing a plain white tee that is very veRy tight around his biceps and a pair of ripped skinny jeans anD a pair of timberlands

y/n.exe has stopped working

“-whaaaaaaauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-“

whose mans is this

is this your mans???

this is your mans????

“aren’t you going to give me a proper kiss hello?” namjoon tilts his head and pouts

what the hell

what the hell?////???

“who are you and what did you do to namjoon?????” you manage to squeak out

he rolls his eyes playfully before leaning in and slotting his lips against yours

“cute outfit, by the way. a cardigan’s kinda dorky for a house party though, don’t you think?” he raises a brow and tugs you off your seat so you can stand in between his legs

“you’re calling me dorky??”

“i’m not the one wearing a cardigan at a party. have you never been to a party before?” namjoon slips his hands under the cardigan and rests his hands on your hips and gives you a little squeeze

“excuse-“

“y/n! hey, girl!” you feel a little piece of your soul die when you hear that familiar pitchy voice

you spin around in namjoon’s grip so that he’s hidden behind you

“wendy! …hey…” you clear your throat

you haven’t spoken to wendy or the others since the incident

just because they’re assholes and u don’t really,.,., like assholes??

“ugh, i’m so glad you made it! look, the girls and i just wanted to give you an apology.”

“well it’s not me you should be apologising to” you raise a brow

wendy scoffs playfully “well it’s not like kim namjoon would be at this party. you can just apologise to him for us or something!”

suddenly namjoon yanks you down so that you’re sitting on his leg

his arm slithers around your waist and your arm hangs loosely around his neck  

“wendy! so nice to see you again!” before you get the chance to say anything namjoon offers the three girls a charming smile

.,,.,.god his teeth are literally perfect

wendy’s brows furrow in confusion

“see you agai- wait, namjoon?” she gawks and you feel a twinge of anger when her eyes graze him from his head to his toes

lisa and jisoo exchange glances before murmuring things to each other

you catch a glimpse of lisa staring at namjoon as if he were a piece of mEat

the AUDACITY of these girls

she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth before her right eye drops in a wink

namjoon sighs

“you alright, lisa? is there something in your eye? you’re blinking weird. and jisoo - i see a widdle piece of lettuce in your teeth.”

the two girls’ faces flush bright red and you press your lips together to keep yourself from laughing

wendy shakes her head “you- wow, you clean up nice…”

“wish i could say the same for you.” he pouts and reaches out to pinch her cheek “you’re looking a little red… maybe the stick up your ass is causing tension?” he suggests and props his chin up on your shoulder

woW

breaking news: wendy has just been COMPleteLY obliterated

“wow… whatever.”

you remain silent as the three girls immediately whiP around and head in the other direction

“…do you think i should go and apologise?” namjoon suggests sheepishly and you turn to look at him

“if anything i think you should’ve taken it farther”

“and this is why i like u”

“i know” you raise your fist and namjoon laughs before bumping his fist against yours “now, c’mon - let’s get you a spicy blackberry margarita”

okay

so

about two hours have passed

you and joon have been hanging out at the bar mostly

jimin keeps testing new drinks on the two of you

both of you have an ample amount of alcohol flowing through your veins

and now you’re on the couch because the bar was getting too busy

and uh

you’ve always been a affectionate!drunk and namjoon is now realising this

“what’s gotten into you?” namjoon laughs after you rub your nose against his before pulling away to give him a lil kith

“just loving on my boyfrienD” you giggle and wrap his arm around your shoulder before nuzzling against him

in the background you hear the commotion of people getting excited because jungkook’s gone and volunteered himself for body shots

you very faintly see min yoongi and the random thought of that water girl job pops into your head

namjoon takes the red plastic cup away from you “mhm, i think that’s enough for you, missy”

“namjOoooOn” you immediately make grabby hands for your cup and namjoon holds it away from you so that you can’t reach it

you’re practically stretched out on his lap trying to grab it

you huff and roll your eyes “well noW what am i going to do to pass the time”

spoiler alert: u somehow persuade joon into a make-out session on the couch (it was pretty easy and u had good points “everyone’s over in the kitchen doing body shots and also u look super hot tonight”)

you pull away from namjoon and take your bottom lip in between your teeth “…you wanna get outta here?”

“you need to learn how to be more patient” namjoon laughs when you squirm your way in between him and his front door

it’s hard to unlock the door when you’re pressing kisses to his neck aNd tugging at his shirt at the same time

“you need to learn how to find your damn keyS” you groan and tug at his belt

the moment namjoon unlocks the door he pushes you in and the keys clatter to the ground

“now look who needs to learn how to be patient” you squeal when he lifts you up in one swift movement and wraps your legs around his waist

“it’s still you” namjoon murmurs against your mouth and you bite down on his lip in retaliation

he grins and squeezes the underside of your thigh causing you to giggle

“stoP i’m ticklish there” you murmur and namjoon raises a brow

you pull away and jab a finger into his chest “don’t even thiNK about it”

“i have no idea what you’re talking about” namjoon shrugs innocently as he begins the small trek to the bedroom

you don’t know how he hasn’t dropped you yet

like ya you knew he was strong but you didn’t know he was thiS strong

your fingers wrap around his bicep and you give a testing squeeze and you feel a ziP of heat down there when he flexes underneath your fingers

o fuk

you fall onto the mattress and it bounces under your weight and the next thing you know namjoon is hovering over you

“c’mere, you” namjoon breathes out and leans down to press his plump lips against yours

he grunts when you roll your hips against his and let out a whimper

frick

he wants to hear you make more noises for him  

“wait wait wait” you breathe out and pull away from joon

“what’s wrong?” namjoon sits up immediately

what did he do???? o god

he fucked up what did he DO

you reach over to the bedside table and namjoon’s like ??

namjoon blinks quickly as you slip his glasses onto his face

“as much as i liked bad boy namjoon i miss my bookworm”

“do you find visual impairment sexy?” namjoon adjusts his glasses and crinkles his nose

adoraBLE

you giggle and lean in to kiss him again

namjoon jumps when he feels your hands tugging at his belt and he immediately reaches down and wraps his fingers around your wrist

“what are you doing?” he breathes out and you move down and start pressing kisses to his neck

“taking your pants off”

well like

he knOWs what you’re doing he just

he doesn’t want to like,, pressure you into doing stuff because he rly likes u and u guys haven’t been together for thAt long

“we don’t have to-“

“why? are you a virgin?” you tease and namjoon scowls playfully as you continue to undo his belt “because i can be gentle with you!”

okay

he doesn’t like this game

“maybe we should get some chocolate covered strawberries and champagne?”

you continue your little jokes even as namjoon pushes you down gently on the bed

your head flops against the pillows

“you want me to light some candles?” you giggle when namjoon gives the side of your bum a smack after peeling your leggings off and tossing them aside

“oh yeah, i love candles. i especially love those vanilla scented ones.” namjoon tilts his head before peeling his shirt off and tossing it aside

you pause in your teasing for a second to admire joon’s sun-kissed tanned god-like skin

you want to take a bite out of his biceps

“maybe we can take a bubble bath or something? to ease your nerves” you coo and poke his nose when he slots himself in between your legs and leans down with his hands on either side of your head

“that does sound nice. i’m trembling with nerves, after all” namjoon sighs and buries his face into the crook of your neck and starts pressing kisses to your skin

“don’t worry - i’ll be gentle with you” you mutter and namjoon snorts before biting down on your shoulder playfully  

oh god

you’re on cloud nine right now

“oh, namjoon,” you gasp and dig your nails into the nape of his neck

your back arches against his chest when he thrusts into you again

your toes curl into the mattress

you’ve never had sex like this before

it’s a slow slow burn and you can already tell that this is the best orgasm you’re ever going to have

“you feel so good” namjoon moans lowly and his raspy voice “s-so warm n tight and you’re all mine- nngh- fuck,”

“oh my god namjoon”  you whimper breathily and your finger dig into his back

namjoon brushes his lips over yours in an almost kiss as he struggles to breathe because you feel so good around him

your vocabulary is very limited at the moment just because your mind is clouded with lust and you can’t focus on anything besides namjoon namjoon namjoon

“good?” namjoon leans down and presses his forehead against yours before his hand is slithering in between your legs

“good, s-so good,” you whine and arch your back against him

he keeps at a steady pace and continues to build up the pleasure and the tingling sensation and your toes curl into the mattress

“nam-namjoon- i-i’m-“ you choke over your words as you finally fall apart beneath him his eyes are hazy with pleasure and his pupils are so dilated that they’ve basically swallowed all colour in his eyes

“i’ve got you, you’re okay,” namjoon murmurs as he starts planting soft kisses along your jawline and then down your neck

the next thing you know you’re seeing stars and you’ve officially been reduced to a trembling whimpering mess

namjoon manages four and a half more thrusts before he’s letting out a groan as his orgasm slams into him suddenly

he gives you one last kiss before rolling off of you

you immediately cuddle up to his chest and the two of you share a moment of silence where you’re just processing what the heck just happened

“…not bad for a virgin, eh?” namjoon grins and you snort against his chest before whacking his arm gently

“c’mon, i think i promised you a bubble bath”

you love your handsome boyfriend

but those thick square frames of his makes him look like such a dork (which makes you love him even more)

sometimes he leaves them on the counter because he says wearing them too much gives him migraines

and you like to take advantage of the situation

“i’m namjoon and i can’t walk five steps without tripping over my feet!” you imitate namjoon and the boys burst out into laughter and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride not only because you know your impression is spot on but it’s also funny as hell

“i’m namjoon and i keep stale candies in my pocket like a grandpa”

another round of laughter and you’re feeling good

“hey wait - where are you guys going??? i haven’t even gotten to the good ones ye-“

you jump when you feel an arm slither around your waist and suddenly you’re being pulled into a hard chest

“i’m namjoon and you’re in big trouble when we get off from work today”

boyfriends usually find it sexy when their girlfriends wear an article of their clothing

and sure you’ve stolen a couple of joonie’s tees and hoodies and he thinks you look adorable drowning in his clothes

but nothing gets him going more than seeing you wear his glasses

especially when you wear them while you’re riding him  

you know that saying

gentleman on the streets but freak in the sheets

namjoon is the epitome of that saying

“nNgh- na- namjoon! ah, joon, fuck-“ namjoon’s glasses slide down until they’re on the tip of your nose and namjoon groans at the sight

his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips and he bucks his hips making you cry out in pleasure

“fuck, look at you, falling apart on my cock - oh, you like it when i talk to you like this? naughty little girl” he reaches up to grasp your chin and presses his lips against yours

in conclusion: nothing gets him going more than seeing you wear his glasses

namjoon’s pretty proud of the fact that he gave you a new appreciation for books

because you’re reading a new book like eveRy week which is great

but now he’s starting to think that you might like books more than you like him

and he’s not typically the kind of person who whines because he thinks whining is annoying and won’t get you anywhere

but you are turning him into a whiney person because of your new infatuation with books

“joon, stop,” you scowl and push him away when he rests his head on your shoulder and starts reading along with you

you like to read alone and he knows that but he likes being near you!!!!!!! and you’ve been silent for like an hour!!!!!! and he misses your voice!!!!! so SUE HIM

“but you’ve been reading for an hour and i’m bored” namjoon pouts and slumps down on the desk

you look down at him and your heart flutters at how cute he looks with his pillowy lips in a pout and his cheek squished against the desk

“well let me finish reading a couple more chapt-“

“a couple more?!” namjoon squawks and gets the attention of some people sitting near the counter

“-and then i’m all yours! it’s just getting to the good part. i don’t bother you when you’re working!”

“because when i’m working, you’re working too! and you actually interAct with me when we work” namjoon grumbles and sits up before grabbing a random book and flipping through it angrily

“well i’m taking a break”

“yEAh like your fifth break in two hours”

“watch the attitude mister”

“u watch youR attitude” namjoon huffs before wheeling back to his side of the counter

he turns and gives you his best angry-looking face and you snort before putting your book down because he looks like an angry puppy

you wheel over to him and rest your cheek on his shoulder and namjoon shakes you off

“have i not been giving you enough attention, hm?” you coo and link your arm with his before grabbing his hand

namjoon doesn’t respond and continues to click on the laptop but he doesn’t let go of your hand

it’s time to pull out

the biG GUNS

you immediately smoosh your lips against his cheek and assault him with kisses and namjoon can’t help but break out into a giggle

this is all he needs to stay happy!!! just kiSs him a couple times a hour and he won’t be whiney anymore

it’s not that hARD TO DO

he reaches up to cup your face and leans in to give you a soft peck before pointing to the book that you abandoned for him

“go and finish reading… bOokworm”

namjoon typically is very gentle when it comes to pretty much everything

when he’s rebinding books he does it with such delicacy and precision so that a page is never out of place

when he’s dusting shelves his wrist flicks so subtlety as to not knock any books over

when he holds your hand he intertwines your fingers with his and it makes you feel soft and cozy on the inside

but the namjoon that is currently in between your legs is not the same namjoon

and you love it

you gasp as namjoon’s fingers dig into the meat of your inner thighs to keep you planted firmly against the bed as you try to buck your hips

“joon, i c-can’t-“ you whimper and squirm underneath him

“yes you can, i know you can,” namjoon purrs and presses a kiss to your inner thigh before leaning down and burying his face in between your legs

he’s already made you cum twice with his fingers alone and now he wants to make you cum with his mouth

“nO namjoon please-“ you mewl and bury your fingers in his hair before yanking “please i need you so bad”

as much as namjoon would like to spend the rest of the day with his face buried in between your legs he knows you’re not going to last much longer so he’ll show some mercy

also he’s like buSting out of his pants so he needs to relieve himself too

#selfcare2k19

namjoon sighs before pulling away and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand

he can’t help but smirk at the sight of you flopped on his bed with your hair in a halo around your head and your cheeks are flushed and your lips are swollen and your eyes are glassy

all because of him

“only because you’ve been such a good girl”

“i- oh!”

namjoon flips you over onto your stomach in one quick motion “and you’re going to continue being a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

you hear the gentle tinkering of his belt and the shuffling of his pants and you bite down on your bottom lip in anticipation

you nod quickly and prop yourself up onto your forearms

namjoon chuckles when you squirm and wiggle your bum against him “patience, jagi”

“i’ve been patient” you murmur into the crook of your elbow and namjoon smacks the side of your bum in warning

your eyes flicker up when you see namjoon’s hand reach out to grip onto the headboard

his other hand is on your hip and you freeze when you feel him easing himself in slowly

he starts off slow to let you adjust

but the moment you give him the green light

all hell breaks loose

namjoon begins fucking into you at a merciless pace and you can’t help but mewl and moan underneath him

you feel like your body isn’t even attached to your minD right now because you’ve never felt pleasure like this before

namjoon stays silent apart from his heavy breathing and the occasional grunt and if that’s not the sexiest sound in the entire world you don’t know what the hell is

“tell me who’s making you feel this good” namjoon growls into your ear and gives you a particularly hard thrust

“y-you, you are, i-i, oh god, namjoon-!“ you gasp and bury your head in the pillows

“up, baby” he warns you and wraps his arm under your stomach as he pulls you and straightens you out

your arms are shaking underneath you as you hold yourself up and namjoon leans down to press a kiss to the back of your neck

and then he’s placing his palm on the small of your back and continuing to push himself into you as deep as he possibly can

your orgasm practically obliterates your body when it finally comes

spots dot your vision and your fingers dig into the mattress and namjoon’s name continues to slip past your lips over and over again

you spasm uncontrollably around namjoon and that triggers his own orgasm because hoLy fuck you’re so warm and tight and-

namjoon pulls out and you feel splatters on the swell of your ass and you hear him groaning lowly as he finally relieves himself

you have no idea what’s happening

all you hear is white noise

all you feel are tingles up and down your spine

“you did such a good job, baby” you weren’t even aware that namjoon left to go to the washroom and now he’s cleaning you up with a warm rag “such a good girl for me” he coos and presses a kiss to your shoulder before he flips you over gently so that you’re on your back

he leans down to give you a sweet peck before nudging his nose against yours

honestly.,,.,. get u a man who can do both

“y/n!”

you look up from your phone and namjoon’s holding up the cataloguing notebook with a raised brow

“purple glitter pen??? seriously??” he says in a verY unimpressed manner

your eyes flicker over to the sheet before you look back at your frustrated boyfriend

“…you said you didn’t want me to use pink so i used purple”

namjoon suppresses a groan and pinches the bridge of his nose

some things never change

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[strangesmallbard]

Would you mind doing the fic commentary on "all my children can become me"? Thank you!

thank you, anon! this was fun! 

fic link

Lyra was perfect when she was born. A prone creature no harder to control than her own arm; move her little hand that way and it goes there, turn her on her side and she looks at the new world in wonder.

Then she cried. A baby’s first cry is a sacred thing of course of course. Lyra tucked her little arms safely away from comfort and Marisa ached for any maternal instinct to snap on, if only to shut her up.

Wow, Yikes Marisa! those sure are some healthy thoughts. i wrote this one because i was thinking about mrs. c and the particular qualities to her love for lyra. i rail against the concept that her maternal love is inherently redeeming as it inspires some of her more heinous acts - drugging/kidnapping her (to save her life, but Uh), the implication that she wanted to use lyra to kidnap more kids for her child murdering experiments (again, to save her life, But Uh.) 

but she does love lyra; this growing affection arguably drives her arc in both the book (particularly ASG, you could make several different arguments for TGC/NL) and the show. however, i don’t think her first emotions towards lyra involved love and affection--i’d say curiosity, wonder, like staring at the aurora and contemplating how it works. if it is love, it is possessive. mrs. c lives in a world devoid of agency, particularly as a woman. she’s been taught how to act and be her entire life, and suddenly she has a Thing All Her Own. until lyra cries, and she realizes that lyra’s a small person with needs, and she wants no part of it. (until she does!) i wasn’t thinking of it while writing this, but you could also read mrs. c’s reaction to lyra crying as a reaction to shame she feels about lyra’s birth--and she really hates feeling shame.

But Lyra is hers now. Hers. Everything slips away, even the world from one to the next, but Lyra is her own thing to shape. Her dæmon will prove an issue, just like how Ozymandias clung to her shoulder in his lemur form until she tossed him out a window with a shriek, her own shoulder stinging at the marrow from the effort. Marisa made him stay there all night long, watching her from the trees.

And Lyra would learn, as she did. Small attachments mean nothing when the world is as large as it is, when men are stupid as they are. Marisa enjoys God’s world, and her top floor apartment just a bit more.

more narration on mrs. c’s possessiveness. after 12 years, lyra is Hers once again--no longer a very small baby, but a willful person with agency who likes to climb on rooftops and swear. and who, perhaps, isn’t dissimilar to mrs. c. that’s a problem for marisa, who wants zero problems. 

here, i delve into my headcanon for Why the Monkey is Like That. as a kid, i think the monkey was very clingy. he preferred monkey shapes to cling more strongly; to mrs. c, this reflects insecurity and fear that she really wants to repress. ozy can leave her side because of a deliberate effort to separate herself from him. since mrs. c was able to repress herself for the needs of her society, she believes she can train lyra in a similar vein, but mostly to be an obedient, loving daughter who only makes the fusses mrs. c wants her to make. also a weird contradiction, because mrs. c doesn’t view herself as a detrimental attachment for lyra to have.

also! i wrote this early on in my reread so i forgot that they call god “the authority” in lyra’s world. oops! i’ll fix that at some point. anyway, i think mrs. c ultimately uses religion to further her own personal quests. (ruth wilson discusses this in her podcast episode!)

(Paste on a smile. Wait for everything to fall into place. Everything would.)

i tried like, four times to delete this line. it doesn’t fit this fic perfectly, but it aided the rhythm enough that leaving it out felt wrong. it’s very inspired by the way ruth wilson smiles as mrs. c - faux sweet, calculating, a bit menacing.

Lyra dives onto her shiny new bed with a delighted yell and Ozymandias looks on with a carefully tepid curiosity. Marisa can read him, of course she can. Her hand curls by her side and he stills. A smile curls on her lips before she can notice. Or no, it doesn’t curl. It settles. It creeps. She remembers the crying. She will always remember the crying.

whenever mrs. c realized she had affection for lyra and tried her best to Not (until she stopped trying), it’s such a Moment to explore. here, i wanted to highlight that realization through the monkey. i chose “tepid” as a word to illustrate that the monkey is also trying to pretend it isn’t happening. he’s just worse at hiding than marisa. i also brought back the crying motif - i think mrs. forgot about lyra, like genuinely didn’t care for all 12/13 years, but was never able to repress that first outburst of emotion & need. especially as someone who represses those things within herself. it Stuck.

She wipes it away. Lyra is a wild thing, but Marisa—smarter than her father, smarter than anyone she will ever meet—can see the edge of a forest, want to look beyond, and know the right moment to pull back. The many worlds will cower and bend to God when she is done, and the men who love to smile will stare in awe.

i know we find out more about mrs. c’s family in the book of dust, but i went off my own headcanons. i think her dad is probably just like. look up the definition of Patriarchy and there he is. she loves the notion that she’s smarter than her father; than any man who’s ever looked down on her. she’s fixated on power - some paralleling to asriel’s motivations can be read in here. i’m gonna leave the rest alone; i’d rather it be up for interpretation! 

The children are hardly a sacrifice, but Lyra—Lyra who’s safe, no not safe, settled and growing (at home) now. Lyra who will never leave again, who’s hers hers hers (until she won’t be until Marisa must push her from—)

here, i want to talk specifically about narration & voice. up until this point in the fic, mrs. c’s narration is collected and calculated. she wants to keep her work and keep lyra, and hasn’t figured out yet that keeping both will be impossible. (keeping lyra will also be impossible as lyra is, once again, her own human person with agency.) she fears that choice too, that she’ll lose lyra because of her own work. in this context, i wanted this fic to somewhat foreshadow her choice at bolvangar.

Well. A sacrifice is what a prophecy gnaws to the bone. And Marisa remembers the crying.

what prophecy, marisa? what do you know? what do you think you know? i was originally alluding to lyra’s prophecy, but managed to completely forget that canonically she only finds out during the events of tsk. i’ve decided to keep it because we only get marisa’s pov in asg--pullman intentionally keeps her true intentions & knowledge of things hidden. i can also believe mrs. c would frame her own actions in terms of prophecy. 

[lunarity2013]

🥀 ❓☀️ o-o

(NOTE: THIS IS MY FIFTH TIME TRYING TO POST THIS, PLEASE DEAR GOD LET THIS WORK THIS TIME! At least I had all this stuff copied into a note app to post easier just in case this happened)

Real quick, @taurrigan - THANK YOU for being so patient! Hopefully this one works!

So for reference, my HPHM oc is named Lucy Stone (that’s her in my icon, but I use my actual name in the game bc it’s just easier for me). I’m also going to use my main D&D character, a lesbian half-elf Rogue 8/Bard 1 named Naeris.

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

LUCY — After everything that happens trying to find her brother (Nathan, not Jacob bc I’m so original and decided this literally just now), Lucy feels extremely let down and betrayed by her only brother. She didn’t ever actually think she’d find him in the vaults, really only searching to gain some sort of closure for herself and their muggle parents. Finding him, however, and seeing how consumed he was by this pursuit really just broke her heart. It was like she truly did lose her brother after all. 

NAERIS — Naeris grew up with her human mother, with very little money to support them both, so she’s always felt abandoned by her elven father and his family. After her mother passed away and she was forced to move to the Feywild with him, she was still very resentful of his lack of presence in her childhood. On top of that, when she finally left to return to the material plane, only to find the busted remains of the village she once called home after apparently 60+ years had passed, she had never felt more alone than in that moment. Even now, she still can’t find where her mother was once buried, even the headstone turned to dust.

❓ A random fact or short drabble! Or make up your own question to ask the OC!

LUCY — (a drabble, for you. Also, please check out the ficlet @hogwartsmysterystory wrote for me a while back — it really helped me get inspired to write this!)

As “riveting” as the history of magic should have been, Lucy found that Binns’ monotone droning took much of the “magic”, as it were, out of what should have been her favorite subject in this school. Really, a whole history of magical learning and events, and all they did was read out of a textbook while their transparent professor bored them near to death as he clearly once did to himself many years before.

So it wasn’t any wonder, really, that she often spent this hour gazing dreamily out the window, thoughts drifting from one daydream to the next. Today was one of those days, brown eyes staring vacantly through large-framed glasses and out to the thick raindrops splattering the window outside. And it wouldn’t have surprised her friends to know what she often saw in these sleepless dreams of hers.

Gone were the days of endless worrying of Nathan and his disappearance from her life. He still came up, of course, but now more seemed more the image of a long-dead relative or yet-unsolved mystery than as pressing a concern as he was in her first year at Hogwarts. No, these days, a different face occupied her deepest thoughts and desires, once with the kindest eyes and a smile, one reserved just for her.

She wondered if he was taking her advice to heart, now; his concerns and her suggestions at his learning difficulties may not have saved him from their last test, but they, combined with constant care and practice, may just be his saving grace come finals. And if they managed to inform their professors, and get all their friends to help out, maybe Barnaby could show everyone who had ever doubted him just what he was capable of.

Lucy had always known he was smarter than people gave him credit for. Since she first met him, confused and vaguely threatening in the potions classroom years ago, she knew there was more to the Slytherin than met the eye. And as she watched the skies clear and the sun begin to peak out, she knew that she would do whatever it took to help everyone else know it, too.

NAERIS — (a question, provided by my sister for you) — What’s the dumbest thing your OC has ever done?

The dumbest thing Naeris ever did was, in our old campaign after multi-classing as a bard, she began using prestidigitation to prank her party members, specifically the halfling ranger (Phae) and half-orc barbarian (Oz).

Specifically, this one incident had Naeris hiding under Oz’s bed in an inn, and making loud sounds outside the door with the cantrip. This caused Oz to storm out into the Hall to figure out wtf happened, and with one failed stealth save, he found her and broke open a window to toss her out into the snow, 2 stories down. She was fine, but I couldn’t breath, and my best friend’s character (tiefling warlock Nerium, Naeris’ girlfriend) almost dumped her ass for her stupidity.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

LUCY — The happiest Lucy has been in a while was at the Celestial Ball. No responsibilities, no cursed vaults, and no losing house points. Just her friends and getting to go on her first (unofficial) date with Barnaby — they both were so bad pining after each other after it that even Charlie was almost willing to swear off dragons if it got them to just shut up and kiss already… Almost…

Beyond that, she loves to read in the quiet of the Hufflepuff common room (her favorite spot at Hogwarts — if she could bake, it would be the kitchens, which is currently favorite spot number 2). She still remembers some of the music and dance lessons she took as a child, but almost never uses them outside of the ball and frog choir. She’d like to play quidditch, but feels she already has too much on her plate, and is content to cheer on her friends when they play (especially Barnaby, who makes one hell of a beater lol).

NAERIS — Naeris feels most at home in the comfort of her own room, in the place her party has built in Phandalin. She hasn’t had a place to really call her own since her mother died, and even then she shared one room with her mom, so having a room just for her plus extra space for poison-making, archery practice, and learning new spells and instruments is a real luxury to her.

As for favorite people, she’s still getting used to Phae and Oz. She likes them, and trusts them, but their combined antics are a force to be reckoned with, and she often has to play tough parent-fun parent with Nerium to get them to keep from drinking too much or running headfirst into the fray. But sometimes she gets to be a bit of a good herself, just like she always tried to cheer her mother up when she was I’ll, and seeing her newfound family smile (even at her own expense) was always worth it.

Plus, Nerium is a gorgeous tiefling babe with scary Raven Queen magic who not only willingly puts up with her less-than-ideal quirks, but chooses to love her in return. That’s always hella dope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed! If anyone has any more questions, or would just like to know more about my OCs/D&D characters, feel free to send me an ask in my box! I’m happy to answer your questions! 😊

(If y'all want a list of all my OCs and what fandoms, let me know, and I’ll post one for y'all)

(EDIT: fixed an inconsistency with Lucy's skills, as surprise! She actually can't bake worth a shit, and is only marginally better at actual cooking, so she just sneaks into the kitchens for snacks).

[the-fiction-witch]

Okay...

I understand Tumblr has changed its community Guidelines and oddly enough I am going to add my two cents to it I suppose even though 90 % of tumblr does not give a dam hell what I have to say about it.

Okay lets begin

Point number one: 

I as someone had been  on tumblr a very long time almost eight years now I understand why this has happened, the world has changed alot since I has my first account on here I mean I was very young when I had my first account it was just a fan account where I blogged Lord of the rings art and gifs, and I understand why this has decision was made by the staff to try to make there app more ‘pg’ lets say, Okay I understand

Point number two:

I said I understand I did not say I agree with it, I know as quiet a big tumblr fan fic writer I’m likely not the best person for saying so but... I think people online should be allowed to see things like, Nudity and smut and all that stuff, Why? you ask? Well Because I was I know when it comes to sexy kinda stuff I was kinda the opposite of sheltered as a child my parents are swingers and have pretty much always been open about it, they have had nude art and such on the walls in there bedroom for as long as I can remember and I know there is this whole thing about how kids or young people can access things on the internet that are over 18 because you know lieing exists and there are ways to get around things, there always will be the second a rule is there two seconds later how to get around it exists and I Personally think there is nothing wrong with that.

Point two and a half: [I realized two was getting kinda ranty]

But I think kids Should be exposed to things, Not like kids from five should be shown like rule 34, but I think kids and young people are a heck of a alot smarter then any 20-40 year old realizes, Kids are all different they are all sexually awakened at different times in there life [for example I know I was a literally 11 and I have a best friend who wasn't till she was 18] people are different and I think things like Smut and Nudes are not exactly for kids no but... they are a part of life and sheltering them isnt going to help them understand I mean I got lucky I grew up in a family that had 50′s pin up on the walls and watched the rocky horror picture show in the living room I understood what sex was from a young age and how it worked between consenting adults I didn't Practice it Obviously and I didn't know the exact details [look at my older work and see if I understood how the heck sex worked] but I think people make those decisions I mean yeah random porn showing up on a timeline yeah maybe stop that that’s kinda a problem but if you search for Boobs or Porn or Smut whatever you know what your getting and if you make the decision to type those letters to spell that word then you made the decision to see what you see or read what you read, you chose to do that tumblr didn't when you typed in I don’t know Loki didn't randomly take you to porn unless you specifically told it to or unlocked it, 

Point three:

Why? as I said I understand the choice tumblr staff have made but if you search something and have safe search on then yeah don’t show nude pics or things tagged as porn or even my stuff I wouldn't expect someone who typed newt with there safe search on i imagine most of my stuff wouldn’t turn up I as a creator and even audience member here I understand that but I think it again comes back to choice if you chose to unlock the search you understand what comes with that and if you don’t then your the one that needs to be fixed not tumblr.

Point four: Likely my big point

I came to tumblr when I was fairly young, my god when tumblr was fairly young because mostly I wanted to be as informed and aware as my big sister my older sister showed me tumblr so I could see cool gifs of doctor who and lord of the rings and find people just like me who also loved to watch and read. when I first came here I was still a young girl and I didn't know how big the 18+ side of tumblr was I didn't care all I cared about was the amazing people and when I first began to dream about being a writer, everyone I knew even my family laughed at me said because of my disability I could never be a author, But I changed my URL and posted one of the first things I ever wrote on to tumblr with no fear of being judged or being laughed at and now when I go back and read it I know it’s awful I was terrible back then but... people where kind to me. said how I could improve and where with me every step of my way, that account is still there now I have just moved a little bit to here where I have been now for several years and I love it.

It’s amazing to me now as a almost 20 year old woman to sit on my computer, have my own physical novels sat on a shelf next to me, without tumblr I would not have became a real writer and would not now be able to live off doing it an live comfortably even, When I came here with my first ever work A girl we can’t understand I was awful but I had big dreams the people here have made me into who I am now and have made me be able to do such amazing things with my life, I never came here to be a problem to tumblr or even to be popular I make no money from tumblr but I still post almost everyday or as much as I can...why?

Because I love it here, 

I love being able to make people happy to be able to create worlds for people to lose themselves in even if its just for a little while.

I love every single one of the people who read my work even if you don’t like or dont follow or anything like that anyone who reads what I post I thank you for taking the time to read it, as I said I do this purely for the love of doing it.

But... Tumblr has changed.

maybe I am a dinosaur here now I guess but Tumblr I have a little message for you...

Dear Tumblr, To all your staff, your users and your creator.

I know in your grant scheme I am a small foot note. I understand the choices you have made to the site and I respect your decision as it is yours to make. However I don’t see how blocking and reporting people like myself and other users like me who just want to make people happy or feel better after a bad day is the best way to be, I have been here for a long time and I have seen some awful things on this site, but nudity or smut or anything has never been one of them. I have seen things like racism, homophobia, trans phobia, extremism and as a user I have tried my best to report and help your algeritherum to grow to make this site better. But Tumblr your views have changed and you have every right to change them, I have grown up with you tumblr and I am... concerned about what you are becoming. it is your choice to make this site into something different then what it was, But I beg of you

When I came here I was an outcast. Not pretty enough for Instagram and snap chat, not funny enough for twitter, not frenziedly enough for Facebook, I and I know so many others who came here because we are outcasts who fit nowhere else in this internet world. I have so many friends many of which I have even met in real life now because of you tumblr, but with people left and right upset about this and threatening to leave because you deiced to change

Please tell me... where are we meant to go? we are the outcasts here always have been tumblr kids the ones who are different but if we lose this place we call home we will have nowhere to go, and I would hate to see people like I was have nowhere to go people who where like me when I got here, Alone.

So... Dearest tumblr, You have meant the world to me, I have gathered friends with you, made a life though you, I have even had my life saved by the people here to many times to count, 

My boyfriend and I where here on my old account we had to separate for a bit but run this together like we used to and its a massive part of our lives even our relationship

But I am clearly not what you want anymore. so I say here and now I will try to continue my work here but if my posts continue to be reported and blocked then I will go.

If you still want my work I will keep it here but I will always update and write on my

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/FictionalReality010

and I will also re open my tapas:

https://tapas.io/FictionalLiving

and If you are a friend of mine I am shearing my Instagram here becuase I don’t wan’t to lose any of you

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/amberjane010/?hl=en

Good Bye

I love all of you so much and I am so so sorry.

X Amber & Thomas

[di-sss-learning-engineering]

How to Study Smart: 20 Scientific Ways to Learn Faster 168. That’s how many hours there are in a week. If you’re a student, you probably feel like this isn’t enough. I know… You have so many assignments to do, projects to work on, and tests to study for. Plus, you have other activities and commitments. And I’m sure you want to have a social life, too. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could study smarter (not harder), get good grades, and lead a balanced life? Of course it would. That’s why I wrote this article. The main aim of education isn’t to get straight A’s. But learning how to learn is a vital life skill. So I spent hours scouring scientific articles and research journals to find the best ways to learn more effectively. I’m a lifelong straight-A student myself, and I’ve since completed my formal education. Over the course of my academic career, I’ve used almost all the tips outlined in this article, so I can verify that they work. Let’s get started. Here are 20 scientific ways to learn faster. BONUS: Download a free PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF. 1. Learn the same information in a variety of ways. The research (Willis, J. 2008) shows that different media stimulate different parts of the brain. The more areas of the brain that are activated, the more likely it is that you’ll understand and retain the information.[1] So to learn a specific topic, you could do the following: Read the class notes Read the textbook Watch a Khan Academy video Look up other online resources Create a mind map Teach someone what you’ve learned Do practice problems from a variety of sources Of course, you won’t be able to do all of these things in one sitting. But each time you review the topic, use a different resource or method – you’ll learn faster this way. 2. Study multiple subjects each day, rather than focusing on just one or two subjects. It’s more effective to study multiple subjects each day, than to deep-dive into one or two subjects (Rohrer, D. 2012).[2] For example, if you’re preparing for exams in math, history, physics, and chemistry, it’s better to study a bit of each subject every day. This approach will help you to learn faster than by focusing on just math on Monday, history on Tuesday, physics on Wednesday, chemistry on Thursday, and so on. Why? Because you’re likely to confuse similar information if you study a lot of the same subject in one day. So to study smart, spread out your study time for each subject. In so doing, your brain will have more time to consolidate your learning. 3. Review the information periodically, instead of cramming. Periodic review is essential if you want to move information from your short-term memory to your long-term memory. This will help you get better exam grades. As the research (Cepeda, N. 2008) shows, periodic review beats cramming hands-down.[3] The optimal review interval varies, depending on how long you want to retain the information. But experience – both my own and through working with students – tells me that the following review intervals work well (I explain the entire periodic review system in this article): 1st review: 1 day after learning the new information 2nd review: 3 days after the 1st review 3rd review: 7 days after the 2nd review 4th review: 21 days after the 3rd review 5th review: 30 days after the 4th review 6th review: 45 days after the 5th review 7th review: 60 days after the 6th review 4. Sit at the front of the class. If you get to choose where you sit during class, grab a seat at the front. Studies show that students who sit at the front tend to get higher exam scores (Rennels & Chaudhari, 1988). The average scores of students, depending on where they sat in class, are as follows (Giles, 1982): Front rows: 80% Middle rows: 71.6% Back rows: 68.1% These findings were obtained under conditions where the seating positions were teacher-assigned.[4] This means it’s not just a case of the more motivated students choosing to sit at the front, and the less motivated students choosing to sit at the back. By sitting at the front, you’ll be able to see the board and hear the teacher more clearly, and your concentration will improve too. Now you know where the best seats in class are! 5. Don’t multitask. The data is conclusive: Multitasking makes you less productive, more distracted, and dumber.[5][6][7] The studies even show that people who claim to be good at multitasking aren’t actually better at it than the average person. Effective students focus on just one thing at a time. So don’t try to study while also intermittently replying to text messages, watching TV, and checking your Twitter feed. Here are some suggestions to improve your concentration: Turn off notifications on your phone Put your phone away, or turn it to airplane mode Log out of all instant messaging programs Turn off the Internet access on your computer Use an app like Freedom Close all of your Internet browser windows that aren’t related to the assignment you’re working on Clear the clutter from your study area 6. Simplify, summarize, and compress the information. Use mnemonic devices like acronyms, as these are proven to increase learning efficiency.[8] Example #1 If you want to memorize the electromagnetic spectrum in order of increasing frequency, you could use this acronym/sentence: Raging Martians Invaded Venus Using X-ray Guns (In order of increasing frequency, the electromagnetic spectrum is: Radio, Microwave, Infrared, Visible, Ultraviolet, X-rays, Gamma rays.) Example #2 Question: Stalactites and stalagmites – which ones grow from the top of the cave and which ones grow from the ground? Answer: Stalactites grow from the top, while stalagmites grow from the ground. Study smart by using mnemonic devices whenever possible. In addition, you could summarize the information into a comparison table, diagram, or mind map.[9] These tools will help you learn the information much faster. 7. Take notes by hand, instead of using your laptop. Scientists recommend this, and not just because you’re more likely to give in to online distractions when using your laptop. Even when laptops are used only for note-taking, learning is less effective (Mueller, P. 2013).[10] Why? Because students who take notes by hand tend to process and reframe the information. In contrast, laptop note-takers tend to write down what the teacher says word-for-word, without first processing the information. As such, students who take notes by hand perform better in tests and exams. 8. Write down your worries. Will I do well on this exam? What if I forget the key concepts and equations? What if the exam is harder than expected? These kinds of thoughts probably run through your head before you take an exam. But if these thoughts run wild, the accompanying anxiety can affect your grades. Here’s the solution … In one experiment,[11] researchers at the University of Chicago discovered that students who wrote about their feelings about an upcoming exam for 10 minutes performed better than students who didn’t. The researchers say that this technique is especially effective for habitual worriers. Psychologist Kitty Klein has also shown that expressive writing, in the form of journaling, improves memory and learning.[12] Klein explains that such writing allows students to express their negative feelings, which helps them to be less distracted by these feelings. To be less anxious, take 10 minutes and write down all the things related to the upcoming exam that you’re worried about. As a result of this simple exercise, you’ll get better grades. 9. Test yourself frequently. Decades of research has shown that self-testing is crucial if you want to improve your academic performance.[13] In one experiment, University of Louisville psychologist Keith Lyle taught the same statistics course to two groups of undergraduates. For the first group, Lyle asked the students to complete a four- to six-question quiz at the end of each lecture. The quiz was based on material he’d just covered. For the second group, Lyle didn’t give the students any quizzes. At the end of the course, Lyle discovered that the first group significantly outperformed the second on all four midterm exams. So don’t just passively read your textbook or your class notes. Study smart by quizzing yourself on the key concepts and equations. And as you prepare for a test, do as many practice questions as you can from different sources. 10. Connect what you’re learning with something you already know. In their book, Make It Stick: The Science of Successful Learning, scientists Henry Roediger III and Mark A. McDaniel explain that the more strongly you relate new concepts to concepts you already understand, the faster you’ll learn the new information.[14] For example, if you’re learning about electricity, you could relate it to the flow of water. Voltage is akin to water pressure, current is akin to the flow rate of water, a battery is akin to a pump, and so on. Another example: You can think of white blood cells as “soldiers” that defend our body against diseases, which are the “enemies.” It takes time and effort to think about how to connect new information to what you already know, but the investment is worth it. 11. Read key information out loud. Studies have been conducted, which demonstrate that reading information out loud helps students to learn faster than by reading silently (MacLeod CM, 2010 & Ozubko JD, 2010).[15][16] What’s the reason for this? When you read information out loud, you both see and hear it. On the other hand, when you read information silently, you only see it. It isn’t practical to read every single word of every single set of notes out loud. That would take way too much time. So here’s the process I recommend: Step 1: As you read your notes, underline the key concepts/equations. Don’t stop to memorize these key concepts/equations; underline them and move on. Step 2: After you’ve completed Step 1 for the entire set of notes, go back to the underlined parts and read each key concept/equation out loud as many times as you deem necessary. Read each concept/equation slowly. Step 3: After you’ve done this for each of the underlined key concepts/equations, take a three-minute break. Step 4: When your three-minute break is over, go to each underlined concept/equation one at a time, and cover it (either with your hand or a piece of paper). Test yourself to see if you’ve actually memorized it. Step 5: For the concepts/equations that you haven’t successfully memorized, repeat Steps 2, 3, and 4. 12. Take regular study breaks. Taking regular study breaks enhances overall productivity and improves focus (Ariga & Lleras, 2011).[17] That’s why it isn’t a good idea to hole yourself up in your room for six hours straight to study for an exam. You might feel like you get a lot done this way, but the research proves otherwise. So take a 5- to 10-minute break for every 40 minutes of work. I recommend that you use a timer or stopwatch to remind you when to take a break and when to get back to studying. During your break, refrain from using your phone or computer, because these devices prevent your mind from fully relaxing. 13. Reward yourself at the end of each study session. Before starting a study session, set a specific reward for completing the session. By doing this, you’ll promote memory formation and learning (Adcock RA, 2006).[18] The reward could be something as simple as: Going for a short walk Eating a healthy snack Listening to your favorite music Stretching Doing a couple of sets of exercise Playing a musical instrument Taking a shower Reward yourself at the end of every session – you’ll study smarter and learn faster. 14. Focus on the process, not the outcome. Successful students concentrate on learning the information, not on trying to get a certain grade. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s research shows that these students … [19] Focus on effort, not the end result Focus on the process, not on achievement Believe they can improve – even in their weak subjects – as long as they put in the time and hard work Embrace challenges Define success as pushing themselves to learn something new, not as getting straight A’s Not-so-successful students tend to set performance goals, while successful students tend to set learning goals.[20] What’s the difference between these two types of goals? Performance goals (e.g. getting 90% on the next math test, getting into a top-ranked school) are about looking intelligent and proving yourself to others. In contrast, learning goals (e.g. doing three algebra problems every other day, learning five new French words a day) are about mastery and growth. Most schools emphasize the importance of getting a certain exam score or passing a certain number of subjects. Ironically, if you want to meet – and surpass – these standards, you’d be better off ignoring the desired outcome and concentrating on the learning process instead. 15. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day. You probably think you drink enough water, but studies show that up to 75% of people are in a chronic state of dehydration.[21] Dehydration is bad for your brain – and your exam grades too. University of East London researchers have found that your brain’s overall mental processing power decreases when you’re dehydrated (Edmonds, C. 2013).[22] Further research has shown that dehydration even causes the grey matter in your brain to shrink.[23] The simple solution? Drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Bring a water bottle wherever you go, and drink water before you start to feel thirsty. And if you’re taking an exam, bring a water bottle with you. Every 40 minutes or so, drink some water. This will help you stay hydrated and improve your exam performance. Plus, this also acts as a short break to refresh your mind. 16. Exercise at least three times a week. Exercise is good for your body. It’s also very good for your brain. Various studies have shown that exercise … Improves your memory[24] Improves your brain function[25][26] Reduces the occurrence of depression Helps to prevent diseases like diabetes, cancer, and osteoporosis Enhances your sleep quality Reduces stress Improves your mood[27] Exercise is quite the miracle drug! So to study smarter, exercise at least three times a week for 30 to 45 minutes each time. You’ll be healthier and more energetic, and you’ll remember information better too. 17. Sleep at least eight hours a night, and don’t pull all-nighters. I’ve spoken to and worked with 20,000 students so far. Not a single one has told me that he or she consistently gets eight hours of sleep a night. “There’s just so much to do,” I hear students say, again and again. As a student, sleep often seems more like a luxury than a necessity. But what does the research have to say about sleep? The research shows that if you get enough sleep, you’ll be more focused, you’ll learn faster,[28] and your memory will improve.[29] You’ll also deal with stress more effectively.[30] This is a recipe for excellent grades. So sleep at least eight hours a night. This way, your study sessions will be more productive and you won’t need to spend as much time hitting the books. In addition, sleep expert Dan Taylor says that learning the most difficult material immediately before going to bed makes it easier to recall the next day.[31] So whenever possible, arrange your schedule such that you study the hardest topic right before you sleep. Lastly, don’t pull all-nighters. As psychologist Pamela Thacher’s research shows, students who pull all-nighters get lower grades and make more careless mistakes.[32] 18. Eat blueberries. Blueberries are rich in flavanoids, which strengthen connections in the brain and stimulate the regeneration of brain cells. Researchers at the University of Reading have found that eating blueberries improves both short-term and long-term memory (Whyte, A. & Williams, C. 2014).[33][34] Blueberries may also help to prevent degenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s. 19. Eat chicken and eggs. A team of researchers from Boston University conducted a long-term study on 1,400 adults over 10 years. They found that participants who had diets high in choline performed better on memory tests.[35] Choline is the precursor to acetylcholine, which is essential for the formation of new memories. What foods are high in choline? Chicken and eggs (the egg yolk contains 90% of the total choline in the egg[36]). Just in case you’re worried about the high cholesterol content of egg yolks, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Recent studies show that eggs – including the yolk – are a healthy food for just about everyone.[37] And if you’re a vegetarian, there are alternatives to getting choline in your diet: Lentils Sunflower seeds Pumpkin seeds Almonds Cabbage Cauliflower Broccoli 20. Eat omega-3 fatty acids. Omega-3 fatty acids are critical for brain function.[38] One experiment (Yehuda, S. 2005) also found that taking a combination of omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids reduced test anxiety in students and improved their mental concentration.[39] Omega-3 fatty acids are linked to the prevention of high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, osteoporosis, depression, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dementia, Alzheimer’s, asthma, colorectal cancer, and prostate cancer.[40] That’s an incredible list! Here are foods that are rich in omega-3 fatty acids: Salmon Sardines Mackerel Trout Flaxseed Pumpkin seeds Walnuts The bottom line This is a long article that contains a lot of information. But don’t feel overwhelmed, because there’s no need to implement everything at one shot. As the saying goes … How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. In the same way, to implement all 20 tips in this article, do it one tip at a time. Focus on just one tip a week, or even one tip a month. Once you’ve turned that tip into a habit, move on to the next one. Throughout the process, don’t let the goal of getting straight A’s become an unhealthy obsession. After all, education is about much more than getting good grades. It’s about the pursuit of excellence. It’s about cultivating your strengths. And it’s about learning and growing, so you can contribute more effectively. There’s hard work involved, but I know you’re up to the challenge. BONUS: Don’t forget to download a free PDF summary of this article. The PDF contains all the tips found here, plus 3 exclusive bonus tips that you’ll only find in the PDF.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN TREAT

It was a great step forward to judge people by their academic credentials was in its time an advance. And since no one is going to see it except him, he omits any comments except the note-to-your-vision approach works for something like winning an Olympic gold medal, where the problem is important enough to build something better than a group of such size. You might think that if you don't have to give definite if implicit advice will keep us from straying beyond the resolution of the words we're using. A hilarious article on the site of a newspaper or magazine. Work for us, the premise was, and we'll give you a place to work. And since no one is going to be than the worst? There are people who would disagree with this. Amateur was originally rather a complimentary word. What's missing or broken in your daily life? His mistake was to confuse motive and result. None, all VCs lose.

The difference between then and now is that now I understand why Berkeley is probably not worth trying to understand. The kind of philosophy I'm advocating won't be able to test in an hour, then you may need to be solved in one big brain. That has always seemed to me an important point, and I was even more convinced of it after hearing it confirmed by Hilbert. He works in a small group perforce, because he either hasn't told anyone else about the idea yet, or it seems so unpromising that no one else is there. Ultimately these will affect a lot more to discover. And present union leaders are any less courageous. If these guys had thought they were starting companies, they might have been tempted to do something again is a sign you did it wrong the first time. The current generation of founders want to raise money grows with the amount.

In DC the message seems to be: a lot. The secret to finding other press hits from a given pitch is to realize there's a problem. But we can see how powerful cities are from something I wrote about earlier: the case of the Milanese Leonardo. Like all craftsmen, hackers like good tools. Which means many Internet startups don't need VC-scale investments anymore. In anything she does that's publicly visible, her biggest fear after the obvious fear that it will seem ostentatious. Cobol or Java being the most popular languages because they view languages as standards. But hackers use their offices for more than that: they use their office as a place to work where you can find peers and encouragement. I think the most important reader. To make a startup succeed—if you avoid every cause of failure, you succeed—and that's too big a question to answer on the fly.

People who think the labor movement was the creation of heroic union organizers have a problem to explain: why are unions shrinking now? This singularity is even more singular in having its own defense built in. I have no idea that working in a cubicle feels to a hacker like having one's brain in a blender. Software, to them, equalled big, honking Windows apps. There are certainly some political questions that have no definite answers, like how much a new government policy will cost. You may need to stand outside yourself a bit to see brokenness, because you have no Thomas Edisons. This was exactly the kind of thing is upon the reader. It does seem to me what philosophy should look like: quite general observations that would cause someone who understood them to do something that makes $3000 a month.

Obviously you can sense something is going on. Startups in other places are just doing what startups naturally do: fail. So market rates gradually permeate every organization, even the best hackers can't save you. You're always going to have to add a few extra words, to make people feel better? Many people in this country think of taste as something elusive, or even whether it still sends one. So if you take money from investors, you have to declare variables before using them, for example, in genetic algorithms and even product design. The overlooked problem was to generate web sites automatically; in 1995, online stores were all made by hand by human designers, but we should not suppose that if unions have declined, it's because present union leaders are any less courageous. I think professionalism was largely a fashion, driven by conditions that happened to exist in the twentieth century.

It's the easiest form. For one year I worked at a regular nine to five job, and I was even more convinced of it after hearing it confirmed by Hilbert. They all know one another well enough to express opinions that would get them stoned to death by the general public. Then it struck me: this is what you can do all-encompassing redesigns. Lewis in The Boston Globe. As a result it became massively successful. Delicious. You can see how dependent you've become on something by removing it suddenly. You can't trust authorities. Startups grow up around universities because universities bring together promising young people and make them work on the same projects. No one who has studied the history of philosophy.

To me the most demoralizing aspect of the traditional office is that you're supposed to be there at certain times. The young are the test, because when people aren't rewarded according to seniority instead. I can't let my friends down. The way people act is just as lumpy and idiosyncratic as the human body. Patent trolls are just parasites. I used to annoy my sister by ordering her to do it mean she tends to get written out of YC's history. I've described is near zero. In fact, if you can avoid it, b pay people with equity rather than salary, not just to play back experiences but also to index and even edit them. The point is, you have to love it. Now that so many news articles are online, I probably read two or three articles on individual people's sites for every one I read on the site of a newspaper or magazine. I dislike being on either end of it.

Even in New York the number of people who might have corrected them, they tended to be self-perpetuating. You could conceivably lose half your brain and live. For example, the question the hackers have all been wondering about: how do you become a great hacker except by working with him, and treat that. When we were kids I used to annoy my sister by ordering her to do things that are superficially impressive. So making hackers work in a noisy, distracting environment is like having a paint factory where the air is full of soot. If you want to be on it, all I had to show for myself were a few startups who hit these limits accidentally because of their unusual circumstances—most famously 37signals, which hit the limit because they crossed into startup land from the other direction. All the arts have to pander to the other.

[your-dietician]

Best Prime Day, Day 2 tech deals 2021 at Amazon

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Best Prime Day, Day 2 tech deals 2021 at Amazon

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TVs and headphones and laptops, oh my! These Prime Day deals are off the charts. (Photo: Yahoo Life)

Spent the first day of Prime Day not sure what to pick up? You’re in luck! Prime Day — Day 2 is now in full swing and the discounts are even deeper. So take advantage of these Prime Day tech deals. 

Take out your wish list and check it twice. What have you been waiting on? Now’s the moment to grab it, whether it’s that big-screen TV, that cushy pair of headphones or that new smart home device. These price drops are epic.

We’ve gathered the very best Prime Day tech deals on everything from Apple AirPods to Nintendo games to Lenovo laptops and beyond. More good news: Amazon will give you free shipping on everything here. And if you have Amazon Prime, you’ll get even more — access to new movies and TV shows, discounts at Whole Foods, exclusive deals and two-day shipping on many, many items. Not yet a member? Why not? You can sign up for your free 30-day trial here.

Read on for the Prime Day — Day 2 tech deals calling your name.

Best TV deals

Not a typo: Just $100 gets you a top-rated HDTV! (Photo: Amazon)

This deal seems too good to be true…but it ain’t! Amazon has one of its top-selling TVs, the Insignia 24-inch Smart HD TV — Fire TV Edition, on sale for just $100 for Prime members only!

Instant access to Netflix, HBO Max, Hulu, YouTube, Disney+, Prime Video and so much more will soon be yours. Alexa is included in the remote, so browsing will be a snap. Shoppers are just as shocked by the quality of this TV as we are by this incredible price!

“I am honestly very pleasantly surprised with how much I like this TV,” wrote a delighted shopper. “As far as clarity goes, I believe 720p is plenty for this screen size…. I have been very pleased with the Wi-Fi reception of the built-in Fire TV. It actually works a lot better than the USB-plug-in external fire sticks, for whatever reason.”

Shop more TV deals below:

Insignia 24-inch Smart HD TV — Fire TV Edition, $100 (was $170), amazon.com

Insignia 39-inch Smart HD TV — Fire TV Edition, $180 (was $250), amazon.com

Insignia NS-43DF710NA21 43-inch Smart 4K Ultra HD — Fire TV Edition, $220 (was $320), amazon.com

Toshiba 43-inch 43C350KU C350 Series LED 4K Ultra HD Smart Fire TV, $260 (was $370), amazon.com

Insignia 55-inch NS-55F301NA22 F30 Series LED 4K Ultra HD Smart Fire TV, $350 (was $500), amazon.com

Sony X80J 55-inch 4K Ultra HD LED Smart Google TV, $748 (was $800), amazon.com

Sony X80J 65-inch 4K Ultra HD LED Smart Google TV, $898 (was $1,000), amazon.com

Best headphone and earbud deals

Story continues

Good thing you don’t already own these — you’d never hear us shouting about what a great deal this is. (Photo: Amazon)

Sometimes, we get really lucky, and a big name drops the price on luxe headphones for Prime Day. Well, this is one of those times! These wireless Sony WH-CH710N Noise-Canceling Headphones are on sale for just $78 — that’s a whopping $122 off! Don’t you feel whopped? Shop now and save 61 percent — this is the lowest price we’ve ever seen on these top-rated cans!

The wireless headphones feature the crisp, clear audio you expect from Sony. Their Dual Noise Sensor Technology blocks out nearly all background and ambient distractions. No humming from your air conditioner or thrum from the washing machine — it’s just you and your music! Any birthdays coming up? These make an impressive gift (they’ll think you spent a fortune).

“The Sony headphones are perfect. They sync easily and the sound is clear,” raved a solace-seeking husband and dad. “The noise-canceling feature is great and often annoys my wife and kids when I can’t hear them. These are very comfortable….The charging is quick and the battery life is very good.”

Shop more headphone and earbud deals below:

Echo Buds, $80 (was $120), amazon.com

Apple AirPods Max, $522 (was $549), amazon.com

Apple AirPods Pro, $190 (was $249), amazon.com

Beats Solo Pro Wireless Noise Cancelling On-Ear Headphones, $170 (was $300), amazon.com

Bose Noise Cancelling Wireless Bluetooth Headphones 700, $229 (was $399), amazon.com

Sony WF-1000XM3 Noise Canceling Wireless Earbuds, $148 (was $230), amazon.com

Sony WF-SP800N True Wireless Sports In-Ear Noise-Canceling Headphones, $88 (was $199), amazon.com

Beats Solo3 Wireless On-Ear Headphones, $120 (was $200), amazon.com

Apple AirPods with Wireless Charging Case, $160 (was $199), amazon.com

Powerbeats Pro Wireless Earphones, $145 with on-page coupon (was $200), amazon.com

Sennheiser Momentum True Wireless Bluetooth Earbuds, $149 (was $300), amazon.com

Samsung Galaxy Buds Plus, $85 (was $150), amazon.com

Jabra Elite Active 65t Earbuds, $60 (was $100), amazon.com

Best gaming deals

FYI: This RPG features lots of DLC, and at just 15 bucks for three games, it’s a pretty BFD. (Photo: Amazon)

It’s time to join a mayhem-fueled thrill ride — at 70 percent off! In Borderlands Legendary Collection for Nintendo Switch, you’re whisked away to the planet Pandora, where you’ll be tasked with stopping the Calypso twins from getting all the bandit clans together and claiming ultimate power in the galaxy. Shoot, loot and role-play your way through the high-stakes action and collect a whole boatload of gadgets along the way.

This is the Legacy Edition, which includes all three games and DLC (downloadable content), is packed with new missions and stories, and more pillaging and power-ups.

“It’s so awesome to be able to play Borderlands on a handheld system,” raved a delighted gamer. “After about 100 hours in each game so far, All three run silky smooth with no hiccups. The gameplay is just how I remember it on the xbox 360 and I love it. I highly recommend this collection…”

Shop more gaming deals below:

Luna Gaming Controller, $49 (was $70), amazon.com

Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (PS4), $16 (was $40), amazon.com

Sid Meier’s Civilization VI (PC), $35 (was $60), amazon.com

Mafia: Definitive Edition (PS4), $20 (was $40), amazon.com

BioShock: The Collection, $15 (was $50), amazon.com

NBA 2K21 (Xbox Series X), $20 (was $70), amazon.com

Godfall (PS5), $40 (was $70), amazon.com

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Nintendo Switch), $48 (was $60), amazon.com

Runmus Gaming Headset, $20 (was $43), amazon.com

Madden NFL 21: Next Level Edition (Xbox Series X), $21 (was $70), amazon.com

The Falconeer: Day One Edition (Xbox Series X), $22 (was $40), amazon.com

Outriders Day One Edition (PS5), $40 for Prime members only (was $60), amazon.com

Immortals Fenyx Rising (PS5), $30 (was $60), amazon.com

Best smartphone and tablet deals

Normally we’d never yell “Fire!” in a crowded website, but….”YOU’VE GOT TO GRAB THIS FIRE HD 8 FOR JUST $45!” (Photo: Amazon)

How ’bout another half-price sale? Coming right up! On sale for $45 (was $90), the Fire HD 8 has a brilliant eight-inch HD display and works with Amazon Prime Video and Amazon Music as well as hundreds of social media apps, games, and more. With its 10-hour battery life, this baby supports binge-watching.

“This HD 8 boots up extremely fast. The screen movement is very smooth,” wrote a delighted tablet user. “I own an HD 10 but I like this better because the size makes it easier to hold and maneuver…. I had a concern about the sound quality, but the sound quality is very good. The charge time is fast and the battery holds a charge for a long time.” And the price? Ridiculous.

Shop more smartphone and tablet deals below:

Fire HD 8 Plus, $65 (was $110), amazon.com

Fire HD 10, $80 (was $150), amazon.com

Fire HD 10 Plus, $110 (was $180), amazon.com

Kindle, $55 (was $90), amazon.com

Kindle Paperwhite, $80 (was $130), amazon.com

Kindle Oasis, $185 (was $250), amazon.com

Apple iPad (10.2-inch, Wi-Fi, 32GB), $299 (was $329), amazon.com

Moto G7 Plus, $140 (was $250), amazon.com

TCL 10 Pro Unlocked Android Smartphone, $295 for Prime members only (was $400), amazon.com

Ulefone Note 9P smartphone, $145 with on-page coupon (was $200), amazon.com

Best smart-home deals

Want to turn your dumb home into a smart home? Look to the orb! (Photo: Amazon)

With an all-new sphere design, the fourth generation Echo Dot, marked down from $50 to just $25 (we’ve done the math — that’s half off!) for Prime members only, is a small but powerful smart speaker with a glow-light base that can not only channel Alexa but can also stream tunes from Amazon Music, Spotify, Apple Music, Sirius XM and more. It offers clearer, more robust audio quality than earlier iterations. With this dynamo at 50 percent off, there’s never been a smarter time to pair it with another Echo Dot to create amazing stereo sound.

Shoppers love the compact dimensions — just 3.5-inches high — which make it great for smaller rooms. “This is exactly what I was looking for,” said a happy Amazon shopper. “The sound is loud and clear. Now I am able to hear all online stations with no interference. The design is space-saving, with rubber underneath to prevent sliding.”

The Echo Dot 4 comes in Charcoal, Glacier White and Twilight Blue.

Shop more smart-home deals below:

Echo Show 5, $45 (was $80), amazon.com

Echo Auto, $15 (was $50), amazon.com

Echo Show 10 (third generation), $190 (was $250), amazon.com

Echo Frames (second generation), $175 (was $250), amazon.com

Echo Show 8 (second generation), $95 (was $130), amazon.com

Fire TV Cube, $80 (was $120), amazon.com

Fire TV Stick 4K, $25 (was $50), amazon.com

eero 6 mesh Wi-Fi router, $83 (was $129), amazon.com

Ring Video Doorbell Wired, $45 (was $60), amazon.com

Ring Spotlight Cam, $150 (was $200), amazon.com

Ring Stick Up Cam, $75 (was $100), amazon.com

Rexing V1 4K Ultra HD Car Dash Cam, $72 (was $100), amazon.com

Govee Immersion WiFi TV LED Backlights, $49 (was $80), amazon.com

Best work-from-home deals

Whether you’re working from home or just playing around, this Lenovo laptop/tablet’s got you covered. (Photo: Walmart)

Here in Prime time, the Lenovo IdeaPad Flex 5 is on sale for just $399 (down from $520) — over 20 percent off! If productivity is your game, then this machine came to play (by which we mean work). Its brilliant HD 14-inch LED display makes everything look stellar, from spreadsheets to YouTube videos. And thanks to a speedy and powerful AMD Ryzen 3 4300U Octa-Core Processor paired with 4GB of memory and 128GB of on-board storage, the Flex 5 can handle just about any task you throw at it. The laptop even doubles as a Windows 10 tablet — that’s the “Flex” part.

“Amazing laptop, perfect for my everyday needs,” wrote a delighted Walmart reviewer. “Runs fast, touchscreen is awesome and it’s lightweight and small, making travel easy. Extremely durable. Love the ability to use the Lenovo pen, and the tablet mode is such a great feature. Definitely would recommend, especially for the epic price range. Can’t compare.”

Shop more work-from-home deals below:

AcePC AK1 Mini PC, $140 with on-page coupon (was $190), amazon.com

HP Chromebook 11, $180 (was $260), amazon.com

LifeLong Ergonomic Laptop stand for desk, $60 (was $90), amazon.com

AndaSeat gaming and office chair, $240 for Prime members only (was $300), amazon.com

DamKee Massage Gun, $69 with on-page coupon for Prime members only (was $110), amazon.com

Saiji Laptop Bed Tray Desk, $36 with on-page coupon for Prime members only (was $100), amazon.com

SoQool Laptop Stand, $16 for Prime members only (was $90), amazon.com

Canon Office and Business MB5120 All-in-One Printer, $250 (was $300), amazon.com

The reviews quoted above reflect the most recent versions at the time of publication.

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[ncyrocks]

I guess I have to take this seriously now, huh?

Over the holidays, I worked a fair bit on improving myself and my workflow. I figure I’m in my final year now (AAAAAHHH) so I should give it my all – but I should also figure out the best way to do that. “Work smarter, not harder” and all that.

A lot of the changes I made to my workflow were inspired by Cal Newport and his book Deep Work. He argues that scheduled, focused work is not only by far the most effective kind of knowledge work there is, but it’s also a skill in and of itself that is sorely needed and rarely mastered. I also did a lot of research into productivity techniques in general.

I did this with several goals in mind:

Improved quality of my Studio work – I wasn’t always satisfied with my work last semester, nor did I always think it would be a good addition to my portfolio.

Improved grades – I’m not content with a B/B+ average like I’ve been getting the past couple of years.

Practice truly focusing on work – not only will this be a valuable skill, but it should also be a great help in learning other skills in the future.

Less work at home/on weekends – if I can do everything I need to at uni, I don’t have to worry about leaving anything unfinished.

I had a look at the elements in my workflow that I didn’t need and tried to give myself more opportunity to do deep/valuable work, especially on my Studio projects.

I made the following changes to my workflow:

I scheduled my entire week.

Well, my workweek. I split it into 15-minute blocks and defined when I’d sleep, when I’d travel to uni, and what paper I’d work on at any given time. I haven’t scheduled what I’ll do at home – I have enough confidence in myself to do everything I need to do at home, like eating and preparing for the next day at uni, without a schedule. I also want to leave the weekend blank.

I scheduled my sleep.

Instead of going to sleep when I was done and waking up whenever I feel like it, I (try to) go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. This should allow me to get up earlier than I used to and spend more of my day at uni working. (I am currently trying to sleep from 11 to 7 every day, and I’ll only change that if I think it’s hurting my health.)

I quit my job.

I used to work as a grocery assistant at my local New World. I left my job there the first week of this year to focus more on uni and social events.

I restructured my Todoist workflow.

I’ve mentioned Todoist on my blog before – it’s how I’ve been keeping track of my to-dos for over a year now. I’ve fiddled with its myriad of settings almost constantly, trying to find my optimum workflow. I recently changed it to work like this:

All my ‘main’ tasks (related to major projects, like uni and hobbies) are given priorities from 1-3 depending on how long they’ll take. All other tasks – minor errands and routine tasks – are given no priority. They’re still priorities for me, of course, but I don’t assign them as such inside Todoist anymore.

Priority 1 tasks are worth 4 points, priority 2 tasks are worth 2, and priority 3 tasks are worth 1. I assign myself 15 points’ worth of tasks each day.

During my work hours, I focus on using my 15 points to complete the most valuable tasks possible. When my work hours are over I stop working, reschedule anything I didn’t get done, make sure I’ve got my most valuable tasks scheduled for tomorrow, and only complete non-priority tasks until the next day’s work.

(I should probably note that I don’t know how long this exact technique will last me. For a start, the numbers I use are pretty fiddly, and I’ve changed them before. And like I said, I fiddle with my Todoist settings often – this technique might not work as well as I thought, so I could swap it for something that seems more effective. I’m okay with this – if it doesn’t work, I shouldn’t keep it up, and if I keep trying new ways of working I should land on something truly effective sooner or later. Prototypes, right?)

I wrote down a workflow I think Kōwhai Studio should use.

This semester, I’m working again with Kōwhai Studio, the game dev team with which I made Project Kōwhai. I figured I could improve our team’s workflow as well as my own.

I wrote down a minimal list of the apps, workflows and roles I think we need to produce a game this semester. I also suggested we revisit it every couple of weeks to improve it.

I moved Kōwhai Studio towards asynchronous communication.

Asynchronous communication is much more conducive to deep work than real-time communication, as you don’t have to respond immediately and break your concentration on whatever you’re doing. Apps like Slack (which we were supposed to use last semester) and Messenger (which we actually used last semester) are both focused on real-time communication where everyone has to be online.

I asked everyone to sign up for Twist, which allows people to read a whole, separated conversation in its entire context no matter when they read it. We use it for all our Studio-related communication.

I deleted distracting apps from my phone.

I no longer have Facebook, Twitter, Messenger, YouTube, or Chrome on my phone. To keep them installed was to give myself a huge amount of instant distractions almost every second of the day. I don’t miss them.

Along the same lines, I turned off almost all notifications from my phone.

I work less online and more with pen-and-paper.

Working while online gives me a huge amount of potential distractions, so I try to work offline when I can. I’m writing this post in Word with my laptop in Flight mode – I’ll go back online and copy it over to Tumblr once it’s done. I try to only go online if I have a specific reason.

I also try to use my computer less and try to organise things with my pad of A4 paper I haven’t used up since I got it in Year 9. I use it for planning my days, my work, even my blog posts:

This switch to writing stuff down helps me to think about things much more thoroughly and lets me ease up on the amount of info I need to consciously remember while working (which I’m bad at). I carry around a notebook and pen wherever I go in case I have a thought I wanna remember later.

I’m trying to work less in Studio, especially in the mornings.

I love our level 11 space as much as the next Creative Technologist, but it’s distracting. There’s always a lot of stuff going on, and last year I often found it difficult to concentrate there. I’m trying to work more in the library or in other spaces at uni where I can just sit down and work without distractions.

I’m still coming into our main space every day, of course, but I’m trying to set apart the morning for the kind of work I can’t do while I’m there.

I haven’t had nearly as much time to try this one out yet, so we’ll see how it goes. I have two classes in the morning both semesters this year, so I can only really do this one three days a week.

[mrsslrss]

2017

I rang in 2017 drunk and crying. I left a New Year’s Eve Party��where all my friends and I drank down the clock and M and I went home, and I had been obsessed with “Love More” for a few weeks so as soon as we got back to the house I put it on over the stereo. Anyway about ten seconds in I started sobbing and I couldn’t, for the life of me, explain why. (I wasn’t even sad! It’s just such a beautiful song!) M just put his arm around me and kind of half-laughed and told me it was going to be okay in a quizzical but very convincing way and eventually I stopped crying and the song played itself out. I think that about sums it up.

Anyway I think we can all agree that 2017 was a weird year in a grand sense, which I don’t feel compelled or equipped to speak to. But it was weird in a personal sense, too. The year started in that mass of feelings for me; I dyed my hair pink; I lost someone I cared about deeply, which hurt in a place I didn’t expect or understand. The other side of that month was the Women’s March: housing twenty friends from Boston and Brooklyn and elsewhere in a spirit of earnest and viable and real solidarity that nearly broke my heart.

In the spring I worked a lot, and eventually got to travel across the country and fall in love with a couple different cities: New York (Life After Youth, celebrating my 25th); Seattle (Bois Naufrage, fancy coffee, riding the bus); Austin (freeways, rental car, KUTX, wildflowers). In the summer, Keeper put out a tape – bittersweet timing, just before Sam moved back to Texas – and I got a few days on the Cape with the crew. I worked weekends and drank green juice and read novels. In the fall I got really into that Fever Ray song and memorized the opening passage of The Argonauts and finally made it to DIA: Beacon.

Overall, I think, it’s been a head-above-water kind of year for me, where I mainly got caught in a cycle of exist-process-react-exist without creating much. I spent a lot of time thinking about my feelings but still can’t exactly mark the growth. Sometimes stillness is a sign of change, though; maybe I’ll count that one as a win. So here’s a list of 10 things (big and small!) that I saw, heard, watched, made, felt and loved in 2017, that helped me get through the year.

The Heart Season: “No”

Before this year became the kind of dumpster fire in which you hear everyday about new ways that powerful, prominent men treat the women around them terribly, The Heart was talking about consent in a genuinely nuanced, genuinely feminist way. The “No” season was four episodes long, during which host Kaitlin Prest stared down specific instances in her own life where consent’s gray area reared its fucked-up face, and explored where the experiences left her – how they influenced her sense of self, how they shaped and informed her future sexual (and non-sexual!) encounters. And then she broadened the scope, ignoring the easier narratives – “yes means yes,” “no means no,” “consent is sexy!!!!”, rhetorical devices so exhausted and exhausting – and instead asked harder, realer questions about the intersections of desire, fear, gender, pleasure, and autonomy. It gave me language I didn’t know I needed and set a model for a kind of audio storytelling I didn’t know was possible. I wish they played this at every college orientation across the country.

Turning The Tables

What if we appreciated women’s art apart from maleness entirely? What would it look like to tell the story of popular music through only women’s greatness? That was, crudely put, the mission of the list of the 150 Greatest Albums Made By Women that NPR Music published this year. Being part of this project was huge: it meant absorbing massive amounts of history, rethinking canon, getting to be an editor(!), working with some of my biggest professional idols. Mostly, though, it meant devoting much of my working life to the intersection of radical feminism and rock and roll. What a dream.

Drag

I was drawn to art that felt genuinely subversive this year, but it mainly played out in moments of surprise: disappointment from expectations I didn’t realize I held being left unmet; utter radiant joy when this need I didn’t know I had was fulfilled. Maybe the most memorable time it happened was in June, at GAY/BASH, a monthly experimental drag show in D.C. It was the first time I saw drag IRL, which would maybe have felt subversive no matter what – but probably few things would have matched watching a drag queen in a red white & blue housewife dress penetrate the eyeholes of a Trump mask with a strap-on. Incredible! Tell me you can watch that and feel unmoved. My friends and I went back to GAY/BASH every month after that. The music was always perfect: The Knife and Paramore and No Doubt and Cher, etc. But mostly what felt so powerful was the company: being in explicitly gay spaces full of gay and queer people, where abject expressions of sexuality and of gender trouble felt neither like threats nor invitations to violence.

There was also, of course, Sasha Velour, the cerebral art-queen who was crowned this year’s winner of Rupaul’s Drag Race. I saw her on tour with other season 9 queens this summer; her lip-sync of “Praying” by Kesha was perhaps, no lie, the most moving musical performance I saw in 2017. She embodied and embraced the reality so many of us face as women and queer people: victims and victors, agents and acted-on, mired in both hope and fear on a near-constant basis. It was transcendent. 

Ramen

On a less serious note, D.C. is, like many cities, in the midst of a ramen craze right now, and if I’m honest I spent an inordinate amount of the year benefiting from it! And from the fact that a few places will even deliver ramen right to your house if you have the right app! (Also, there’s a lot to be said about cultural appropriation, the devaluing of non-Western food traditions, etc. in these contexts; I am trying to keep learning and will leave the explanations to folks smarter than I.)

Tank And The Bangas

I called this band the “best band in America” all year and I meant it. Their Tiny Desk concert was both an exhale (after the stress of running the Contest itself) and an inhale (before an unrelenting and enthralling month of tour with them). I saw Tank and the Bangas perform eight times in 2017; their positivity never got stale, their exuberance never felt forced, their passion never wavered. They sound like no one else I know. Goddamn, I love this band. The best band in America!

Therapy

I went back to therapy this year after not really going since childhood but thinking about finding someone to talk to and being jealous of friends’ casual off-hand remarks about their therapists for years. I went mostly because of this thing that happened last December involving some brutal unkindness from a loved one that was so vicious yet unexpected it left me feeling startled and knocked off course, like having been shoved from a great height and, after shaking off the dust, finding myself very alone. I thought it was a minor disturbance but it actually burrowed pretty deep into me and I wound up freaked out about a bunch of stuff, so long story short: I finally found someone to talk to.

I will save my breath about how mental health care should be accessible and de-stigmatized. I will say that therapy made my year better in a lot of ways; mostly, in that I had a dedicated time and place to work, patiently, on some things that felt really paralyzing. (It also taught me some useful concepts, like the idea of psychological safety and the Buddhist teaching of the “second arrow,” which I then snuck into some of my favorite writing I did this year. Win-win.) Nothing is fixed, obviously; therapy has felt mostly like a drawn-out emotional root canal all year, which is to say, I still nurse the same ache that sent me. But I’m grateful and I am learning and it’s starting to feel less self-indulgent to want to address my bullshit. I recommend therapy to everyone! If you’re interested in talking to someone, here are some affordable resources.

Iced Americanos 

There are precious few things that get M out of bed early: the promise of imminent skiing; a genuine emergency; and coffee. I’ve relied heavily on the third one this year to squeeze in a half-hour of quality time with him before I go to the office. Listen I know this is cheesy as h*ck but it truly improves the overall quality of my day! Anyway the iced coffee at our corner coffee shop is not for me but the baristas take great care with their espresso shots so I started getting iced americanos instead and now I have been converted to an iced americano grrrl, even in winter (true to my New England roots). And a morning-coffee-with-your-boyfriend grrrl. Gross! I can’t help it.

Creative collaboration

Madeline Zappala is both a dear friend of mine and a total badass artistic inspiration to me. I was so glad she asked me to help edit her magazine, Reflections on the Burden of Men – and that she (and her co-creator, Laura) accepted a short piece I wrote about being disgusted by sexuality, or maybe more so by the insistence that women perform it for patriarchy, feeling isolated from my body, wanting to not want what I want. Editing the writing in the magazine was a dream! And watching it come together was so instructive. Go get a copy! (Or just pick up some unsolicited dick pic stickers, a real thing they made.)

2017 was a pretty exciting year for Keeper, too. Between January and August – when Sam moved back to Texas and Keeper became a project with a less coherent identity – we played amazing shows and put out a tape and met a lot of really lovely people. I learned a lot.

Female solidarity

I never got the appeal of using the phrase “work wife” to describe a lady BFF in your office before this year (too close to “girl crush,” which, I maintain, is basically homophobic; plus, who wants to replicate the capitalist heteropatriarchy of the marriage-industrial complex in your office friendships, of all places?!) but now I have two and I totally get it. There’s really something special about working alongside women like me, and having them be people who are willing to take a lunch break or walk to Starbucks (lol) so we can encourage each other through weird career stuff, or vent about male incompetence, or gush about new music, or interrogate what it means to care about feminism or justice or epistemology or whatever in 2017, which is mostly what we did. Some of the most enriching and important conversations I had this year were these; we often joked about the positions of authority we’d have, the raises we’d get, the articles we’d be assigned if only the People In Charge heard the conversations we had around cafeteria lunch tables!

Of course, there was also the mere fact of having lived with three other women throughout this year, creating a home that was a constant space for frank discussions about shared oppression; there were days of 8+ hours of GChat sessions that formed a virtual safe space; there were the year’s albums that spoke to the bizarre, incredible realities of womanhood. And all of this happening in the context of women coming forward about sexual assault, women journalists reporting on it, all of us whispering #MeToo on the internet. It was a year that, for me, fostered a consistent and palpable sense of solidarity among us. I needed it.

The “Thief” music video:  

Lastly: this is, maybe, the most wonderfully terrible music video I have ever seen. I first heard about this on the now-defunct podcast This Week Had Me Like, which I sorely miss, and now it’s rare that my housemates and I go more than a month without watching it communally. It’s histrionic in the best way, nonsensical, totally delightful. Thank you, Ansel Elgort.