#This part turned out okay though

[whatever-letmebe]

Sex is Not for Everyone, Actually

Playboyy is a show all about sex. Half of the characters are horny, gay college students, the other half are equally horny, equally gay (former) sex workers. At first glance, Zouey is an outlier. He is a quiet art student who likes to watch hentai but has never had sex with another person. He’s the only virgin in his friend group and gets teased for it. His friends are so invested in “helping” Zouey lose his virginity that they hire a prostitute for his 21st birthday, despite Zouey making it very clear that he doesn’t want that. [Virginity is a harmful construct and I’m using the term here deliberately btw.]  Zouey's 21st birthday is where episode one of Playboyy begins, aptly titled “Sex is for Everyone”. 

So Jump, the guy who Zouey’s friends hired, shows up and tries to do his job but it doesn’t go well because Zouey is anxious and uncomfortable and Jump is pressed for time and inpatient. [Side note: I don’t know much about allosexuals but I’m pretty sure that many of them would not be excited about having sex with a stranger while handcuffed and with no time to prepare for it. But in Playboyy, all the other characters would totally be down for that, which makes Zouey the odd one out. This is also the first “fantasy crashing with reality” scene, which is a main theme of the show. I’ve pointed out two more examples of it here.] Zouey tries several times to gain some control over the situation and lead it in a direction that’s actually comfortable and pleasurable for him. They sort of get there, in the end. Jump agrees to pose for Zouey and then Zouey starts jerking off, but their time runs out before Zouey can finish. Jump leaves in frustration that he didn't make Zouey come (which normally means he won't get paid) and Zouey is left with the experience of his personal boundaries being crossed and his sexual fantasy being ridiculed.  

It has nothing to do with you. If I hadn’t escaped to jerk off, that policeman would have raped me. - Come on, you’re exaggerating. - I am not. I told you that I’m not into this.  

I know I’m not the only ace person who watched that first episode of Playyboyy and felt very seen. The way Zouey is treated by others throughout this episode - the othering and invalidation he encounters when he talks about his (dis)interest in (specific ways of having) sex as well as the pressure that’s placed on him to conform, is something many of us are painfully familiar with. 

You didn’t want to have sex with me but you wanted to draw. You’re sick. 

Jump shames him. Captain says he doesn’t get why Zouey “won’t have sex with anyone or jerk off to humans”. And Teena assumes it’s about Zouey feeling insecure so he offers words of encouragement.   

You know, the first time I had sex, I came before I put it in. Noone is good right off the bat. [..] You need to practice. [...] It’s okay. Take it slow. 

Many aces have heard similar things and gone through similar experiences especially as teenagers and young adults. It can seem like everybody around us is obsessed with sex. Not just their own sex life but also the sex life of everybody else. When we get asked who we find hot or when we will finally have sex, “nobody” and “maybe never” are not accepted as answers. Not having sex is weirder than gay sex or BDSM or smelling underwear because sex is for everybody, it is a universal need and a sign of maturity, or so we are told. That’s what compulsory sexuality is. It sucks and it especially sucks for us aces who will never “grow up” and meet the expectation of sexuality that people have of us. It’s perfectly fine to go through your life without ever having sex with anybody but it can be hard to believe that when we have internalized the idea that not having sex means there is something fundamentally wrong and broken about us. 

Do you know the concept of epistemological injustice? My mind was kinda blown when I first learned about it. Epistemological injustice describes the injustice of 1) not having access to knowledge about your own experiences, which includes the fact that certain experiences are not being researched and 2) the knowledge you have about yourself and the world not being  believed or trusted. Knowledge is power, after all, so controlling and limiting knowledge is a way to limit and control power. How can we as aces even begin to understand ourselves, how can we recognize and challenge compulsory sexuality, when we don’t learn about the existence of asexuality and don’t hear about the lived experience of other aces? 

Noone in Playboyy ever suggests to Zouey that he could be ace - most likely because noone  knows about asexuality - and when Zouey says that he doesn’t think sex is for him, he is not taken seriously. That is epistemological injustice. It would be very hard for Zouey to figure out if he is on the ace spectrum because he doesn’t have the knowledge, the vocabulary, to understand himself in these terms and he is (implicitly) told by others that he cannot trust his own thoughts and feelings around his sexuality. In Zouey’s case, a lot of his hang-ups around sex seem to stem from anxiety, self-consciousness and possibly a negative past experience, so the advice he receives from Teena is actually relevant. For an ace person who doesn’t want to have sex, though, the same advice would not be helpful at all and could even reinforce the self-shame and self-doubt many have dealt with at some point in their life.

[egophiliac]

HEY guess who's being completely normal about episode 7 :)

anyway it sure ain't me, so I made myself a baby Malleus! I used the single-headed version of Choly Knight's hydra pattern (link will be in replies ↓↓↓) as a base, and just messed with some of the pieces to make him more Mall-y. including sewing all those little claw pieces, then pinning them on and realizing I actually liked him better without them...oh well. to heck with accuracy, I want stubby little dragon legs!

unfortunately, he doesn't photograph very well, especially his forehead scales (they're there! I promise!) (they're made of glitter HTV so they are actually SPARKLY in real life, yet apparently they come out completely invisible in photos, woe). but he is super cuddly and soft so I'm happy with him! just as in canon, he is a product of LOVE. :>

[heyclickadee]

One of the slightly frustrating things about the entire Tech situation is that if Tech comes back, “Plan 99” would immediately skyrocket into being one of my top ten favorite episodes. I thought it was an incredible episode when if first aired, and I still think that now, but thinking that is entirely conditional on it being a fakeout—not a death that gets reversed later, but a fakeout specifically. It doesn’t read as a death to me. As a departure and a separation, sure, but not as a death. And if a temporary separation is what it is then, well, I think it’s pretty remarkable as both a fakeout and an episode.

But only if that’s what it is. That I’m none too keen on this particular character dying and his death being treated like that aside, and not to be a broken record, but it doesn’t really work as a main character death. At all. As a main character death it’s staggeringly bad, and bad in a unique way that never gets better or less weird as we move through season three.

So even though I’m basically ride or die on the Tech Lives train at this point, Tech isn’t back yet, so I can’t really like “Plan 99.” But I don’t hate it yet, either. It’s sort of floating off in this nether space until I know one way or another for sure what I think of it. And that’s frustrating because I’d like do be able to do one or the other.

[marcelineuntitled]

i like this one a lot :)))

[smile-files]

i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.

i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.

at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).

recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)

because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!

and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.

for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.

but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.

[bruhstation]

the journey of gordon juniperus gresley (and still ongoing)

[sammygender]

thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.

[dulltoned]

I've finished the last chapter of Elapse. Just need to give it a once over and post it before it can officially come to its sweet conclusion.

[wizardnuke]

i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

[moonchild-in-blue]

I wanna ride a centaur.

[imflyingfish]

working in an art gallery and talking to a lot of full time artists has given me CRAZY imposter syndrome btw lmao

[egophiliac]

I have a question about the jp server pickups, since I really want knight Sebek, but I’m trying to save gems for bloom malleus + the 3rd tsum event that’s gonna show up sooner or later. Iirc, after knight Sebek, the next story update’s pickup had all of the previous story cards (ie cerberus Ortho, general Lilia, and knight Sebek). Is this true, and if it is, did it include a token system like the dorm pickups where you can just do 100 pulls and then buy the specific card you want directly? Because if that is how it works, then I can wait until then and be sure I won’t have to go to 200 for him.

we did indeed get a second chance at those three when 7-7 came out! I'm pretty sure there was not a token system -- though admittedly I don't 100% remember, sorry! 🙇 I took a quick search through some past posts/videos from people who tend to include the gacha and news stuff, but I didn't see any mention of it, so I'm inclined to think there really wasn't one. :( they were all separate pickups with their own pull counts rather than a combined one, if that info helps at all.

speaking as a strict f2p who hoards keys/gems like the lovechild of a dragon and a magpie, given the choice between saving for a story card and a birthday card, I'd go for story -- it does require a lot of patience, but there are way more opportunities to get past birthday cards, both from the anniversary events and the rerun pickups! tsums is a bit harder to say anything on because Eng doesn't follow the same event schedule, but it's a longish event and those pickups let you have a free 10-roll, so I think they're also a bit easier to save up for.

(ALSO speaking of free rolls, starting with the fifth round of birthdays -- the kutsurogi my room ones -- the birthday boy/union jacket/bloom cards have had a separate pickup that you can get two free 10-pulls at by doing missions! I got a bloom Jade from it a couple weeks ago. :D meanwhile general Lilia is the only story card I've ever managed to pull, so...I'm probably kinda biased. whoops.)

[dandyshucks]

one of the kiddos really loves rabbits and we're not able to really do much for Easter related activities irl so I thought I'd draw them with their favourite rabbit 'mon ... perhaps a gift from Guz,,,,,

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

finally watching channel zero and i immediately have so many thoughts in the first ten minutes

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

tell me about your correct opinions. I love hearing opinions...

Honestly I can't think of any specifics rn hdggjndg I just know I am a Nishikiyama Understander. I think one off the top of my head is that yes, he's clearly more emotional than others, but he is not remarkably so and he is NOT a 'crybaby'. Like every time he's cried on screen it's been for very understandable reasons and in highly emotional situations.

Or the idea that him not reciprocating Reina's feelings is like, an inherent character flaw??

[skrunksthatwunk]

household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight