#This one is way less coherent than the previous post I wrote

[memorydragon]

Yup, still on my gay coproganda bs.

One of the more interesting things about Jiang Ting's character is how much he doesn't actually want to be a character. His defense mechanism is to turn the question around. We first see this when Yan Xie confronts him the first time about being 'Captain Jiang'. He asks Jiang Ting what he has to say about all of the things he'd uncovered about Jiang Ting's past, and Jiang Ting's response is "What do you want 'Captain Jiang' to say? Tell me and I'll say it."

And he does this so often. He could lie, he could tell a half-truth, instead he asks what the other person wants to hear. What they want him to be.

And guess what? I'm totally normal about that. XD

The earliest memory we have of him is as a child, cleaning his father's body and being grateful that he wasn't beaten today. He's too young to understand that his father overdosed (we get no information about his mother) and is already dead. He's too young to realize that the majority of the people in his small village are either addicts or dealers, that it's a miracle he was born without HIV. When he's sent to the orphanage, he's isolated and bullied, internalized that he's unclean and unlovable when he looks in the mirror. When Yan Xie gets angry at the corruption in the orphanage Bu Wei grew up in, he just replies that 'It's like that, in places like these.'

When Ma Xiang confronts him, asking him who he is really. Is he the mole that got Yan Xie shot and nearly killed, lying on an operating room table while they waited for news? Jiang Ting says it himself, he's the most suspicious out of all of them, because even swept under the rug, the rest of the division Knows something is off about their 'Consultant Lu'. Jiang Ting doesn't define himself. He says "I'm who your Yan-ge thinks I am."

Yan Xie listens to the half-truths he's spun about himself after he dragged Jiang Ting out of the river, and Jiang Ting tells him: The safest thing for you is to hand me over to the police. I can't make myself believe you, because I have nothing now. I can't respond to this feeling, because I don't want to lie to you. Whether you hand me in or not is up to you.

He even does this to Wen Shao, when his loyality is probed. "What do you want me to say?" Except Wen Shao thinks he understands Jiang Ting the best, that only Jiang Ting understands him. Jiang Ting tells the truth then, that the one who understood his reasons wasn't him. Yan Xie was the one who correctly guessed the motives.

Because Jiang Ting has never been wanted as himself. He was the child of drug addicts, tossed into a orphanage where the corruption was rampant and money went into the adult's hands more often than not. When he finally found a friend, someone who liked him and didn't chase him away, his first thought is of saving his friend. Wen Shao has money and a family who loves him, so it's okay if he dies as long as Wen Shao lives. When his friend betrays him, saves himself first, Jiang Ting is happy.

Except his first friend, the person who says now everything I have is yours and you will be my only brother, the one person who likes someone like Jiang Ting, is the son of a drug lord. He forces the kidnappers who hurt them to take heroin, then turns to Jiang Ting and asks if he's happy now.

The child who watched his father overdose and has finally learned to understand what drugs are, is forced to watch more people die the same way by the one person who was supposed to love him.

He's happy. He's very happy. (The lie is so weak - he's ten years old and he's never had to hide himself like this before, despite everything. He's only just realizing that his first lie was already made, because he can't be loyal to Wen Shao, not like this. But he lies, because what else can he do? )

Wu Tun adopted him to keep his son, Wen Shao, in check. He's a pawn, put into a good school and groomed to be a policeman with padded pockets who will let the drug cartel off. He hates - hates - that he has no choice in this, he just has to become the pawn Wu Tun wants.

Wen Shao returns and he's brought new, even worse drugs with him. He wants his Red Queen on his side, gives Jiang Ting an apartment to rest in, to take care of things that would be 'inconvienent' otherwise, and Jiang Ting hates and hates even more.

So he plans to kill the King of Spades, then take out the Ace of Clubs. It can't erase what he is, but maybe he can move forward. All the over time, the stress, the loneliness will be worth it. (I'm so very very Normal about how he can't just agree to hanging out with his coworkers, how he over thinks and decides half way to take the agreement back and say 'let's talk about it tomorrow'. Because he wants to go, for the first time in his life he wants to do something as simple as going out with coworkers - possibly friends.)

Except he's been sold out. His plan falls through. His team dies and he'll never be able to talk about it tomorrow, and when he runs into the fire, all that's left for him is three years of being comatose and the King of Spades going free.

When he meets Yan Xie, he hides. He wants to be what Yan Xie wants him to be, but he can't. He's still tied as the Queen of Hearts, haunted by the sins he's committed and the people who died. He comments that Yan Xie is blind falling for someone like him, calling him beautiful all the time. That this crush that he'd never allowed himself to pursue has come back into his life and wants to be picked by him.

The Red Queen's heart that was so full of hate now has something else. But even if Yan Xie was blind now, would he still love Jiang Ting when he saw the truth?

He hides and he hides and lies, and when the cards are drawn, he finally tells the truth, finds something to define himself by. "I love you, Yan Xie."

Yan Xie's faith in him is already broken. It has to be broken further. The best lie is the one that is the truth that no one believes.

[sturkillerbase]

I have thought about how and what I would write this text for a very long time now (months, honestly), and yet I’m now sitting here staring at my keyboard without having any idea how to even begin.

Now, this is a longer version of a previous, more straight forward post, which you probably got here from. If not, well, this is basically a letter(?) of what has been going on in my life ever since 2022, when I vanished from this website. I didn’t get into specific details because that would make this post unnecessarily long, and also there’s very personal information in all of it. You understand.

I’m sorry if my paragraphs don’t make much sense. I was stuck in the beginning, but then as I started writing, all just came to me and I just kept writing without paying attention to coherence.

Well, here we go.

2022 wasn’t easy. Good things happened, but I was down, and I only realized, or, better yet, accepted how down I was by the end of 2023. It’s been a long journey – longer mentally than it’s been in actual time. To me, it felt like 2023 was, at the very least, two years long. 2022 seems to have happened such a long time ago, and also seemed to last for longer than 12 months.

I started my post grad by the very end of 2022, in the area that I’ve always dreamed of working, and while I am very happy with it and I like the things I’ve studied so far, it has come with a lot of issues. Not only the regular struggles of a student, but also issues with the institute. Me and my classmates have been dealing with a lot of problems with the school we’re in for several months now, and this has been draining a lot of my energy and leaving me with quite a bad humor (there might even be a lawsuit – yes, it’s that bad).

Now, the regular stress of being in a university, along with unnecessary problems AND figuring out things about myself has left me in a state of constant tiredness. Around August of last year, I began to feel exhausted. And by October-November, I was so overtaken by exhaustion that I just accepted any fate that came my way, no matter how bad it was. I was sure that I was gonna fail my last three classes of the year. How I didn’t, I honestly do not know.

I stopped doing the things that I like. I barely watched any movies or series. I didn’t read for fun. I don’t know when was the last time I drew something. I only wrote academic texts. I gave up on any ideas I had before I even started them. I closed myself to the world and lost contact to many people I know, dear friends even. I haven’t been passionate about anything in over a year and I miss that. I miss that so much.

Also, by the end of 2022, I had a health issue that led to a drastic body change, and of course everyone just had to make all kinds of comments on how I looked and compare me to how I used to look – and even make some jokes about it. It happened absurdly fast, and I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I stopped doing my makeup (a therapy to me), and I avoided taking photos at all costs (and hated and deleted the ones I did take).

Last but no least, I spent more than half the year broke. Paycheck to paycheck. I only got to breath again this very month. It was actually surprising how something that required a great amount of money happened every month, I could barely save a single buck. That alone is enough to mess up with your head and increase stress to off-world levels.

Although a lot of stuff that happened have a root in 2022, this was all in 2023. 2022 was a case apart, and I might make a post talking about it, but, honestly? It’ll more like a vent, a dump on everything that happened, than anything else. I don’t want, much less expect, to make people feel sad about my life or any other dramatic act like that.

Well, moving on!

Now, as I said, good things happened in 2023 as well, and I’m not going to focus on the bad ones only. So here’s a list of good (and great) things/things that made me happy last year (in no specific, much less chronological order):

I was finally studying what I wanted to;

I began taking Italian classes, met very nice people, and became friends with the teacher, an amazing person;

I got my first job!!! (as an English teacher/tutor)

I had the chance to see one of my all-time favorite bands live;

To see that band, I traveled to a city I’d been to 10 years prior and always dreamed of going back.

It was in the neighboring country, so international traveling I guess(?) (you might be thinking “But Ana, how were you able to do that if you had money problems?” Well, I had saved money for this event alone and never touched it, and my money problems started after I came back home);

I joined a group of fans so I wasn’t alone at the concert and made friends with many people there;

Had a weird fling with one of them actually (weird not as in bad, but as in complicated. Story for some time else);

Lowered the posology of my medicines three times!!!;

Barbenheimer!;

Went to my first ever stand-up comedy show and it was pretty fun. Went to others after that;

Left my job – it was stressing me out with, again, unnecessary, easy to solve problems. Leaving was the best decision to make for the sake of my already weakened mental health;

Became a private teacher;

Went to a concert of an artist I grew up listening to and admiring (also the ticket was a gift!);

Didn’t flunk any classes.

That’s all I can think of so far. I might add more to this post as I remember things or as some of you ask me about.

Also, I’ll start writing my final article very soon, and that’s gonna be a whole new rollercoaster. But that’s something for future Ana to worry about. No point crying over not-yet-spilled milk.

[psylunari]

Comments: thoughts, types, how-tos, and etiquette (part 2 of 4)

This is better read sequentially, but you can skip to any section. They are as numbered:

1) The basics

2) Thoughts on comment culture

3) Types of comments

4) Writing cohesive and coherent comments

5) Etiquette

6) Technical questions

7) Short-answer questions

8) Long-answer questions

Part 1: Sections 1 and 2.

Part 2: Sections 3 and 4 (you are here).

Part 3: Sections 5 and 6.

Part 4: Sections 7 and 8.

PDF version here, containing the whole thing. It has a table of contents and cute formatting.

♥ 3: Types of comments ♥

Comments are detailed below with a description and examples. I wrote all the examples. They might be based on comments I’ve seen, but aren’t real ones left by readers.

3.1 Emojis, keysmashes, second kudos, and not-so-verbal comments

Usually short. Might be hard to make heads or tails of them. If it’s all emojis/kaomojis, the comment is likely trying to express the reader’s emotions. The keysmash is internet “slang” for speechless or at a loss for words, but strong feelings about the thing, often positive. Second kudos are also emojis, but heart emojis, imitating the kudos/favorite button.

Example(s):

“😭😭😭😭😭😭” “ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ” “skjhgsdkfljgsdlkgfsjdh” “❤️” “!!!?????!!!!??????”

3.2 Short positive comments

One or two sentences expressing appreciation about the whole fic or some aspect of it.

Example(s):

“Loved it, thanks for sharing!” “This chapter is everything. Good to see this pairing more often in the fandom.”

3.3 Medium and long positive comments

Longer than the previous ones. Might delve into detailed opinions, quote the fic back to the author, and contain a deeper analysis of something.

Example(s):

“I’ve been reading this fic since day one. The writing is stellar and the characterization is on point. It’s good to see things getting finally resolved. Those two deserve peace and quiet in each other’s arms, after all.” “Ok, so it’s 3 am and I totally should be sleeping. My finals start tomorrow, and I was scribbling a few notes for an assignment, but I couldn’t resist this update. 5k words? How come?? The plot twist was SOMETHING ELSE. I don’t wanna spoil the other readers who might see this, so take my word for it and GO READ. When we thought we were done getting into her flashbacks, we get THAT. OH MY GOD. What will be of me until the next update? (probably a sleepless mess because broke college student juggling two jobs) LOL see you anytime, your writing is a blessing to this world.”

3.4 Constructive criticism (concrit)

Concrit points out flaws in whatever the reader can find them, and provides ways to improve the fic. Ideally, it’s a polite, considerate comment, but might not be.

Example(s):

“While I love the premise, worldbuilding, and first act, I think it’s a bit dragged out from chapter 5 onwards. Stories like yours could use faster pacing and less domesticity. If you trim the less relevant scenes and turn them into extras (maybe posted as one-shots in a series), it’ll flow a lot better. Also, be sure to use a spellchecker. English is hard. I know you’re not a native speaker, so that’s why I’m suggesting it. This fic will be a hit, you just have to polish it, to make it shine its brightest. HMU if you need help, and good luck!”

3.5 Pure criticism

Simply state an opinion, not ways to improve. Ideally, it’s polite, but might not be.

Example(s):

“It reads very amateurish, repeats many clichés from the fandom, and the characterization is off. I was in for the tags, ends up it’s not great.”

3.6 Hate/harassment, demanding updates, unwanted comments

Comments that try to bring the author down, attack them, demand faster updates, are impolite in general, or outright creepy. Might contain swear words and threats.

Example(s):

“lol this fic is trash, don’t waste your time” “I bet you live in your mom’s basement to this day and will never get a girlfriend” “Why don’t you post the next chapter already? It’s been a month. We’re all waiting” “Ugh, such disgusting content, what to expect from shippers of that pairing?” “Write even one more chapter, and I’ll doxx you” “Quick question, do you have an OnlyFans?”

3.7 Requests/prompts

Ask if the author could write a specific thing or suggests ideas for a fic.

Example(s):

“Could you write more one-shots of them? I need this pairing in my life.” “Put them all in a high fantasy AU, each one from a different race, competing for the throne. Three parts minimum. It’ll be awesome in your style and I want to see it.”

♥ 4: Writing cohesive and coherent comments ♥

AKA “I don’t know how to write X type of comment, help me”.

If you need further help, check the Long Live Feedback (LLF) Comment Builder.

4.1 Types I’m not going to cover and why

I’m not going to teach you how to write “pure criticism” and “hate/harassment” comments. Section 3 had a guide on identifying them, not encouragement to write it.

Pure criticism can be “an opinion”. Sure, “critic” is a job, like film critics, book critics, etc. There’s also such a thing as a nice opinion. However, I’d like to keep it positive. I don’t want to teach you how to tear a fic down without teaching you how to tell the author ways to do better. It might scare people away from fandom, especially newbies and/or insecure writers. Avoid criticizing total strangers (do it to friends who take it well, and it’s none of my business). You don’t know who’s behind the screen and the hardships they’re facing. Be kind.

I don’t need to go into detail about why teaching how to bully and harass others online is a bad idea. It’s unavoidable to come across hate comments on the internet. Anonymity makes people think they’re free to say as they please. Be the change the world needs to see.

If you do end up spreading hate online, I hope you face consequences, learn from your mistakes, quit doing it, and find something healthier to pass the time.

4.2 Not-so-verbal comments (emojis, keysmashes, second kudos…)

Emojis/kaomojis: send the ones that best represent your emotions.

Keysmash: type lots of incoherent letters without any words.

Second kudos: send heart emojis, maybe with “second kudos!” written as well.

4.3 Short positive comments

“Loved it!” or “great/amazing fic!” are fail-proof. You can also add “thanks for sharing”, “Love this [ship/plot/trope/other]”, “your style is great”, and other things you can think.

4.4 Medium and long positive comments

You can open comments with things like:

What you were doing when you found the fic (at school/work? procrastinating? looking for a rarepair? looking for a specific tag/theme?);

What time of the day it was;

Stating if you’re a newcomer to their works or not;

Other things you can think of.

There are a few things you can praise:

Writing style;

Characterization/development;

Plot;

Pacing;

Dialogue;

Being engaging;

Being original;

Other things you can think of.

You can proceed with:

Quoting your favorite lines of the fic;

Mentioning if you usually read that type of fic or not;

Saying if a scene made you cry/laugh;

Saying if a scene will stick with you for a while;

If it’s your favorite fic of that pairing/tag/theme;

If it’s your favorite fic of that fandom;

If it’s your favorite fic ever;

Other things you can think of.

4.5 Constructive criticism (concrit)

This one needs a little more structuring.

Create a document somewhere. Google Docs, Word, Notes app, etc.;

List strengths. Writing style? Characterization? Plot? Character development? Pacing? Dialogue? Spelling, punctuation, grammar? Being engaging? Being original? Others?;

List weaknesses. Same list as above;

Try to come up with ways the author could improve on the weaknesses. Grammar and the like? Spellcheckers. The plot structure is on the weaker side? Studying storytelling and structure. Robotic dialogue? Paying attention to real conversations, and so on;

Then, use a model like this if you want:

[These are all the things that I think are good, and don’t need to change.] [Next, these are the things I think need more work.] [These are ways they can do it better, and solutions for the problems I found.] [Here, you wish the best of luck to them, reassure them you’re doing it out of liking the fic, and state your intention to help them if they need it again.] [If they need further feedback, and you’re willing to do it, leave your contact info.]

4.6 Requests/prompts

If the author hasn’t stated publicly that they take requests/fill prompts, don’t send them uninvited. Always ask first. If they respond positively, proceed. If they don’t, it’s nothing personal. Some aren’t good with prompts or have no time/desire to write them.

Some authors provide sheets for requests or list things they will/won’t write. If there is a sheet, fill it out and send it. If they don't write something, don’t insist they do.

If it’s a request, be polite and non-demanding. Phrase it like “could you write this?” or “would you be open to writing that?”. Never “5k fic of this/that character doing this, ready by tomorrow night”, you’re not their boss. Preferably, thank them for their time and effort.

If it’s a prompt, provide enough information, not too much information. Don’t go overboard on details: the author won’t be able to elaborate with their personal touch. You’re asking them specifically to write it, so in theory, you want their take, not just your ideas.

If you want a specific thing to be out of the fic, state it, especially if there’s a chance the author could add it because it’d fit the context. For example, in a car accident prompt, someone dying isn’t out of place. Don’t want any deaths? Tell them.

An example of a weak prompt:

“Write a one-shot about Main Character.”

An example of a well-rounded prompt:

“Three years after canon ends, Main Character and Side Character #1 see Character Dead in Canon walking on the street on a Friday night. Character Dead in Canon didn’t seem to notice them, then entered the most suspicious nightclub. No smut/incest, please.”

An example of a too-detailed prompt:

“What if Main Character woke up, checked their phone, and there is a text message demanding they get to work at 7:35 am? Their former boss requested they deal with this, this, and this activity they used to do. However, they’ve been retired for years, since they were deemed unfit to work. Thing is, their boss has a miracle solution for the health issue they’re facing, but their boss isn’t going to tell them about the solution until they arrive at the office. I’d like it to be 30k words minimum, it should include spicy scenes here and there, but nothing explicit. Their car should be red. Their cat is a Maine Coon named Salt. They are dating me specifically. I am 165 cm tall, my weight is 60 kg…”

Part 1 // Part 3 // Part 4 are waiting for you.

[quindolyn]

Ma’am i am begging for a wolfstar blurb where Remus has a innocence kink and Sirius has a corruption kink

With love, my vagina

Dumb Bunny || Remus Lupin and Sirius Black

Word Count: 4,553

A/N: I hope you like this Bo, you’re my favorite and you know that. I also wrote like 90% of this in one sitting so I don’t know if it’s any good because you usually i take breaks and come back and look at what I’ve written but who knows. Love you so much my love.

Warnings: degradtion, praise, names like slut and dumb, blow job, oral virgin, dogg style, this is post Azkaban kinda

Masterlist

Kneeling at Remus’ feet staring up at the outline of his cock pressing up against his pants was daunting. You’d never actually given head before, had guys asked? Sure, but it had just never seemed worth the trouble, you’d never actually gotten a good look at any of their pricks because as soon as you’d nixed a blow job they were desperate to get inside of you.

Not that that had been all that great either, but you digress. 

You watched with wide eyes as his nimble fingers moved to the button on his slacks, pulling it through the hole before unzipping his zipper which allowed his slacks to drop and pool at his ankles. 

This left him in only his navy boxers which allowed you to get a much better look at the outline of his cock, you could almost see the ridges of the head as it was jostled around when he stepped out of his pants, kicking them to the side as he repositioned himself in front of you. 

You sat there, unmoving as you stared down his cock, not quite sure what to do now.

“Come on Pup, don’t tell me that you’re so clueless that you don’t know what to do with a cock when its been laid out in front of you,” Sirius sniped from where he stood, leaning nonchalantly against the wall as his eyes raked over your figure, clad only in the pair of pale pink panties and matching bra that you had put on hours earlier. “Don’t tell me that you’re that useless.”

“M’not useless,” You grumbled, casting your eyes down in shame, “I just, I’ve never done this before.”

“Speak up there Pup,” Remus commanded gently, slipping two strong fingers under your jaw to tilt your head up so that you could meet his gaze, “Can’t hear you when you mumble, and s’not nice to not look at someone when you’re talking to them.”

“M’sorry sir,” You apologized, trying to keep your eyes on his and not on his ever growing bulge, still straining against the material of his boxers, “I was just saying that,” You gulped, casting a sidelong glance at Sirius before moving your eyes back to meet Remus’, “I’ve never done this before.”

“Never done what before?” Sirius asked from off to the side, his smirk evident in his voice as he moved to stand next to Remus, “Come on bunny, wanna hear you say it.”

You looked up at Remus with pleading eyes but it was clear he wasn’t going to call his dog off, “I’ve never given head before, I’ve never sucked…” You felt your face heat up as you trailed off at the implication of your words.

“Oh come on,” Sirius chuckled, kneeling next to you so that you were of equal height, “Don’t get shy on me now, you can say the word puppy, I know you can.”

You found yourself not mortified by his condescending matter but rather ridiculously turned on, you could already feel a knot begin to form in your belly.

Sirius kept his eyes trained on you expectantly until you finally relented, “Cock,” As the single word slipped from your mouth you felt embarrassment bloom in your belly which was silly really, it was only just a word.

“Come on now, all together,” The dark haired man grinned mischievously.

“I’ve never sucked cock,” You admitted bashfully, looking to Remus to measure his reaction. You were nervous, not only had you never sucked someone off before but both men were a decade older than you with more sexual experience. What if you weren’t good, or you couldn’t take them and triggered your gag reflex? With all of these thoughts swimming around in your head it was hard to form a coherent thought and that was purely from nervousness, you couldn’t imagine what it would be like when you had them inside of you.

He had to restrain himself from groaning, both at your words and the innocent look on your face as you gazed up at him, “You’ve had sex though right baby? We’re not gonna take your virginity are we?” He asked, because if he and his lover were about to be your first time it was going to have to be a whole lot more special than this.

You were quick to shake your head, “No, I’ve had sex, I’m not a virgin.”

“Well in this hole you are,” Sirius captured your jaw, turning it to face him. His thumb brushed against the seal of your lips in a nonverbal command for you to open them, which you did of course.

You watched with wide eyes as Sirius gathered spit in his mouth before he spat it into your mouth, the taste of him bleeding across the expanse of your tongue. 

“Let me see Pup,” Sirius commanded as you stuck your tongue out, allowing him to see his spit on your tongue before he gave you your next direction, “Good girl, now swallow.”

Not as restrained a man as Remus he did groan watching your throat with an unguarded lust that had you shivering at the idea of what thoughts laid behind that gaze.

“Pads is right, you’re a very good girl,” Remus praised, directing your attention back towards him. Your mouth dropped open at the sight you were met with, Remus’ stiff cock standing proud and tall in front of your face with his hand wrapped around it.

“Am I going to suck your cock?” You asked, wide eyed and slightly concerned as you gazed up at Remus. Though his dick was prettier than you anticipated with its bright red, leaking tip, and the ridges caused by the veins that ran along the sides it was absolutely mouth watering, but the idea of fitting that in your mouth was nothing less than nerve wracking.

He let out a low chuckle, one of his strong hands moving to brush your hair out of your face, his eyes trained on your lips, “No, not yet baby. Gonna wrap those pretty lips around Sirius he’s a little bit smaller, it’ll make it easier for you.”

You heard Sirius grumble in discontent at the comment as he pushed himself up to undo the buckle of his belt, shedding both his trousers and boxers with far less dignity than his counterpart. Though yes, he was a bit smaller, it didn’t appear to be a significant difference and did little to soothe your woes about your potential performance. 

“Don’t worry Poppet, m’gonna teach you how to suck his dick. It's not hard I promise,” The tall man knelt beside you, his hand still on his prick as he smeared a kiss along your temple. You allowed your eyes to close at the contact, leaning into the touch as Remus guided one of your hands to his cock. It practically jumped into your grasp as oppositely charged magnets would attract each other. 

Though you’d given a hand job before Remus’ much larger, scarred hand found its way to encase your’s, guiding you through the motions of pumping up and down the shaft.

“How about me?” Sirius sounded petulant, like a child, but there was absolutely nothing child like about the way his dick rested heavily in the palm of his hand, he wasn’t as long as Remus but what he lacked in length he made up for in girth. The head of his member was more purple than red, though it leaked just as ferociously with the beginning drops of precum.

“He’s right Puppy,” Remus told you, pulling his lips away from your temple so that you would be forced to support the weight of your head on your own and meet his eyesight, “Gonna teach you how to give a blow job, okay?”

You nodded your head, “Yes, Sir.”

Impatience radiated off of the man who stood before you, the head of his cock staring you down, before you could talk yourself out of action you reached out and took the shaft in your hand, getting used to how it sat heftily in your hand.

“You’re gonna want to spit in your hand first Pup, it’ll make it easier,” Remus suggested, his length still secure in his own hand. You followed your instructions, switching Sirius’ member to your nondominant hand while you spat into the other one before resuming your previous hold.

Gazing up at him as you worked your hand up and down the length of his shaft you noticed the way his eyes were entirely consumed by lust, shining grey irises now black, blending in with his pupils.

“Use your thumb to smear the precum baby, like that,” Remus continued to coach you, watching as you ran your thumb over the sensitive head of Sirius’ member and how he jolted at the motion, “See he likes it.”

“Do you? Do you like it, Daddy?” You peered up at him through your eyelashes, cocking your head to the side without ever relenting the movement of your hand, “Am I doing a good job?”

Remus groaned from beside you, his gaze having left the dick in your hand, now landing on your face. Sirius simply smirked, dark curtains of hair framing his visage, the mere sight of him looming above you was enough to make you embarrassingly turned on, feeling pleasure begin to simmer in your belly you could only imagine how it would feel when you had him in your mouth.

“You’re doing a very good job Puppy,” It was Remus who spoke this time, “But it looks like Pads might be a little desperate to get his cock in your mouth, you think you’re ready?”

“I think so,” You nodded.

That was all Sirius needed before he was releasing his member from your hold, gripping his hand around it pumping it once, then twice before bringing the head to rest on your bottom lip. Tracing the seal of your lips with the weeping head of his prick he spoke, “Come on Puppy, wanna be the first cock in that pretty little mouth of yours.”

“You heard him (Y/N), open your mouth, time to take his cock.” Remus said from beside you.

“B-But I’ve never done this before, how am I supposed to know what to do?”

Getting more and more frustrated with the fact his prick still wasn’t in your mouth Sirius began shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be alright,” The werewolf soothed you, running his fingers through your tresses, “Gonna help you.”

Glancing over at Remus for one last confirmation you didn’t realize what Sirius was doing until it was too late and his member was making contact with your cheek as he slapped it against the side of your face, streaking precum across your skin, “Hurry up slut.”

You whimpered at the degradation of both his words and his action as you felt a pang of pleasure zip through your body, shivering at the filthiness of it. You shifted in your spot, trying to rub your thighs together to soothe some of the ache that resided there and that wasn’t showing any indication of relenting but neither of the older men were having it.

“Stop that,” Sirius growled, capturing your jaw in his hand, pushing your cheeks together so that your lips were forced open, “Not about you right now, you’re supposed to be getting me off,” With that, having lost all patience he pushed the head of his cock into your mouth, releasing a strangled groan as he stopped himself from pushing in deeper. 

Remus let out a small chuckle shifting so that he was closer to you, “There you go Poppet, just start with the head. You wanna be sure to keep your teeth tucked away so that you don’t hurt him,” Leaning in closer towards your ear he added something else in a low whisper, “We can do that later, yeah?”

You let out a small giggle, which because it was muffled by the cock sitting inside of your mouth sent vibrations of pleasure through Sirius, starting at the head of his member and working their way up the shaft. Unable to control himself he bucked into your mouth, not considerably deep but deep enough to jar you. 

“Careful Si,” Remus scolded gently, one of his hands going to grip Sirius’ bare thigh as a reminder not to rush. Looking at you he saw the tears brimming in your eyes at the sudden and unexpected motion, “Puppy,” He cooed, caressing the side of your face with his knuckles, “Gotta breathe through your nose, do you know how to do that baby?”

Shaking your head gently you were careful to keep your teeth tucked away behind your lips while still signaling that you had no clue what you were doing. 

“Are you choking on my cock?” Sirius mocked you, the concerned tone of voice so sickly sweet it was nauseating, “Not even doing anything with it, just sitting there in your mouth and you can’t even take it,” He thrusted up gently into your mouth, just enough for the head of his cock to brush up against the roof of your mouth as cause you to gag around his length.

“Be nice Sirius,” Remus seethed through gritted teeth, glaring up at him while he pet your hair, grounding you as you focused on inhaling and exhaling through your nostrils. Concentrating on that helped you to calm your gag reflex, no longer having a problem with how his member was positioned in your mouth.

“Daddy can be mean can’t he?” Remus directed his attention towards you, his tone was so falsely sympathetic that it worsened the need bubbling up inside of you as the pleasure in your stomach continued to simmer. 

You stopped yourself from nodding again, this time letting out an affirmative hum which pleased Remus as he watched Sirius’ hips stutter as he refrained from forcing his length all the way down your throat.

“You can suck harder bunny, it’ll feel good and he’ll tell you if something hurts or doesn’t feel good, gotta trust him to do that.”

Taking his advice you sucked more harshly at the member inside of your mouth, swirling your tongue around the head while looking up at him to gauge his reaction, he was still looking down at you, unblinking as though if he lost sight of you for even a moment the pleasure would stop. 

Remus slid his body behind yours so that your back was pressed to his chest with his cock achingly pressing into your bareback, smearing precum along your skin.

“Gotta hollow your cheeks Pup, like this,” His fingers found their way to either side of your face, pressing gently on your cheeks until he could feel the cock inside of your mouth. “It’ll feel good for him, make it tighter like it would be if he was fucking your cunt.”

One hand quickly abandoned your face, sliding its way down your stomach until his fingers were brushing the top of your lacy panties before slipping just his fingertips beneath the material. He simply cupped your pussy possessively, not working his fingers between your folds or into your hole, but just resting there, clutching you.

“Fuck Moons,” Sirius gritted, “She’s a fucking natural, hollowing her cheeks so prettily for me it’s like fucking her actual cunt.”

You whined at his words, squirming once again trying to relieve the ache burning between your thighs, the way he spoke to Remus, to Sir, like you weren’t even there. It was deliciously objectifying, degrading, and you loved it. 

Remus smiled into your neck as he moved to nip at your ear, the contact subtle, but still enough to have you shivering as pleasure tickled at your nerves which felt frayed and exposed, with every motion, every exhale against your skin it was like on fire had been set to each of them individually.

“Gonna make him feel even better now poppet, bob your head up and down and you’re gonna take your hand,” He took one of your hands, which had been resting on your thigh, and guided it to the base of Sirius’ member, “Just move it a little bit, on what you’re not able to fit into your mouth, don’t wanna neglect it.” 

Following his instructions you worked the exposed length of him in your hand as you bobbed your head up and down the rest, taking about half of his cock into the velvety warmth of your mouth. Running the brunt of your tongue along his shaft you acted upon the courage you felt surge through you, using the hand not at the base of his cock to grapple at his balls. 

You were more than pleased with the strangled moan that fell from Sirius’ lips, you’d gotten groans out of him earlier but not a moan. Remus noted this as well, his mouth still pressed against your ear, “Look at that, he’s so pretty with his head thrown back like that, moaning, and all because of your mouth.” 

One of his fingers found your bottom lip which was dripping with saliva, and he ran the pad of his finger along the cushion of your lip, pressing gently. 

“How’s it feel, Pads?” Remus looked up at the other man.

“She was born to suck cock,” He exhaled sharply as you took him deeper in your mouth, making a point to continue to hollow your cheeks.

The hand cupping your sex slid a finger between your folds, collecting your wetness on a singular digit causing you to jump at the contact before you rolled your hips towards his hand nonverbally begging for more.

Moving his lips to suck dark purple hues into the delicate flesh of your neck Remus spoke into your skin, “Once you make Daddy cum then it's your turn Bunny, don’t be greedy, you gotta give before you get.”

Taking his words at face value you became even more determined to make Daddy cum, knowing that not only would it be a personal feat, your first blow job, but that when it was done you would be getting so much more.

Breathing in sharply through your nose you willed your gag reflex not to act up as you pushed your head down on his cock, taking in as much of Sirius as you could which you were pleased to see that it was a majority of his length inside of your mouth by the time you hit your limit. 

You sucked more harshly at his member, swirling your tongue around what you could before Remus rose from where he had rested behind you, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before moving to stand next to Sirius. You whimpered when his fingers slipped from your cunt but were intrigued as you watched through your lashes. Observing as Remus’ hands slipped under the smaller man’s shirt, palms running up and down the toned planes of his stomach as he meshed his lips with the other man’s.

You were unsure but you thought that you heard a command for Sirius to rid himself of his shirt as he quickly undid the buttons, letting the dress shirt fall to the floor with Remus’ quickly following suit.

Watching the two men make out with each other, Remus’ hands nestling themselves in Sirius’ long hair and Sirius’ gripping at Remmy’s bare ass, spurred you on in your efforts to make him cum.

Adjusting Siri’s length so that it sat comfortably in your throat and that so you could feel where it bulged against your throat before you swallowed around his length.

If the feeling of his load being shot down your throat wasn’t indication enough that your little trick had done the job then the sharp, “Fuck” the man released from above you certainly was. 

You swallowed his cum just as you had his spit before easing yourself off of his length, taking extra care to keep your teeth from his sensitive cock. Looking up at him with wide eyes you watched him lay his head on Remus’ chest as marks similar to the ones left on your neck were left on his, and though yours were beginning to feel a bit tender you knew that Sirius was loving his as much as you were loving yours.

“Did I do a good job Daddy?” You looked up at him owlishly, cocking your head to the side.

“Fuck Moons if you don’t fuck her I will,” Was all you got in response as Remus chuckled into the newly bruised skin of his lover pulling away to assess you. 

He frowned looking at you as he noticed that you were still in your underwear, “Up,” He ordered, once you were on your feet he was in front of you in a single stride, strong, scarred arms were extending around your torso to undo the clasp of your bra, pulling the straps off of your shoulders allowing the garment to fall to the floor before kneeling in front of you to tug your panties down which you then stepped out of.

“On the bed,” He ordered simply, your panties hanging from the crook of his finger as he moved to deposit them in the pocket of his blazer, cock bobbing in the air as he moved about the room.

Positioning yourself on the bed, on your hands and knees you caught a glimpse of Sirius lounging on an armchair in the room, cock resting against his thigh as he recovered from his first orgasm of the night. He shot you a lazy smile before raking his eyes along your form, studying each ripple and ridge hungrily. 

On your hands and knees, you felt uncomfortably vulnerable but you knew it was all worth it when you felt Remus settle in behind you, his hands moving to grip your hips and pull you back towards his pelvis.

You pushed your bum back towards Remus as you felt the head of his cock run through your soaking folds, you were almost embarrassed by how wet sucking Sirius off had made you but you couldn’t quite summon the energy.

“Don’t rush bunny, I got you, I promise,” With one hand guiding his cock and the other anchoring you to him he pushed just the head of his member inside of you. You clenched around him, trying to suck more of his length up into you because though you technically had him you needed more.

Not feeling particularly patient himself Remus wasted no time before pushing the entirety of his length inside of you, growling as your cunt pulsed around him. 

“Sir!” You moaned feeling yourself stretch around him, having never taken his cock before you weren’t ready for the way that he stretched you so wide it was bordering on painful just barely avoiding tipping over the edge. 

Allowing you a moment to adjust to his length he pulled out of you until his member barely rested inside of you before thrusting himself all the way back in. A hand running down your back signaled for you to arch your back for him which of course you did.

His pace was fast but deep, the depth of his strokes consistent as he reached depths inside of you you hadn’t even known existed before. Pistoning his hips in and out of you the rhythmic sound of skin slapping up against skin filled the room and you could feel his balls slapping up against your clit which each and every thrust.

“Pretty bunny,” Remus’ low voice sounded through the room, accompanied by the sounds of your skin against each other as he leaned back to watch his member disappear in you before pulling back out, “Such a pretty bunny for me, so sweet and innocent aren’t you?”

“Yes Sir,” You responded, allowing your head to drop and hang as you fell onto your elbows rather than your hands.

Sirius tutted as he rose from his seat in the corner, his beautifully tattooed body still glistening with sweat as he began pumping his cock while walking towards you, “Please, she’s not a pretty bunny, she’s a little cum slut. Dumb little bunny.”

You whined out at his degradation, your eyes squeezed shut as a wave of pleasure coursed through you causing you to let out a ragged breath. 

“See, she likes it, dumb bunny.” Though you couldn’t see him you were sure that he was grinning wickedly down at you.

“No m’not! I’m a pretty bunny,” You insisted, though your message was a bit undercut as you slurred your words.

“That’s right, pretty bunny,” Remus cooed, groping the globes of your ass in his hands, squeezing the flesh before pulling away to observe the handprints he left on your skin, if only for a moment.

“She wants to be, but she’s not, she’s just a cock hungry slut.” Sirius countered and you looked up at him with pleading eyes, desperately seeking his approval but all you got was a sneer as he pumped his cock next to your face.

“Not nice, Sir says you’re mean,” You whined as Remus continued to thrust in and out of you, rather enjoying watching the interaction between his two lovers.

“Oh is that right? Well, I don’t fucking care if I’m mean, you’re a dumb fuck bunny and if telling you that is mean then oh well,” He grasped your jaw in between his hand, forcing your head up at an uncomfortable angle to make eye contact with you, “Guess I’m mean.”

The whine you released at that was perhaps the most pathetic of the night, you felt pathetic at the gush of wetness you felt at his words, the pleasure in your belly progressing from a simmer to a boil as Remus’ hand reached around to find your clit, pinching the sensitive bundle of nerves between his thumb and forefinger.

“Don’t listen to him,” The man buried deep inside of your cunt told you, “You’re my pretty bunny, keep on being my pretty bunny, prove Daddy wrong.”

It was all too much, the contrast between Remus’ praising words and Sirius’ harsh ones, the sight of Sirius’ tattooed hand working up and down his shaft, Remus’ pace in and out of you and his hand on your clit. 

It was just all too much.

You could barely see straight as the pleasure boiling in your belly overflowed, like hot lava flowing you felt pleasure flow through your veins as you climaxed. Your orgasm left you feeling warm in every nook and cranny as your eyes rolled back into your head. It felt like you were underwater as your thoughts swam around you, mingling with the noises in the room around you.

Your head was still heavy as you opened your eyes which you hadn’t realized you’d squeezed shut, you jolted forward as Remus continued moving in and out of your pussy, trying to get away from his cock. Your orgasm had been electrifying leaving you sensitive but Remus didn’t seem to be relenting.

“Don’t recall telling you you could cum Poppet,” Remus said from behind you, and that’s when you realized why he wasn’t stopping, “Maybe Daddy was right, maybe you are just a dumb bunny.”

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @amourtentiaa @kittykylax @superbturtlemakerathlete

[niseamstories]

10 Lessons on Realistic Worldbuilding and Mapmaking I Learned Working With a Professional Cartographer and Geodesist

Hi, fellow writers and worldbuilders,

It’s been over a year since my post on realistic swordfighting, and I figured it’s time for another one. I’m guessing the topic is a little less “sexy”, but I’d find this useful as a writer, so here goes: 10 things I learned about realistic worldbuilding and mapmaking while writing my novel.

I’ve always been a sucker for pretty maps, so when I started on my novel, I hired an artist quite early to create a map for me. It was beautiful, but a few things always bothered me, even though I couldn’t put a finger on it. A year later, I met an old friend of mine, who currently does his Ph.D. in cartography and geodesy, the science of measuring the earth. When the conversation shifted to the novel, I showed him the map and asked for his opinion, and he (respectfully) pointed out that it has an awful lot of issues from a realism perspective.

First off, I’m aware that fiction is fiction, and it’s not always about realism; there are plenty of beautiful maps out there (and my old one was one of them) that are a bit fantastical and unrealistic, and that’s all right. Still, considering the lengths I went to ensure realism for other aspects of my worldbuilding, it felt weird to me to simply ignore these discrepancies. With a heavy heart, I scrapped the old map and started over, this time working in tandem with a professional artist, my cartographer friend, and a linguist. Six months later, I’m not only very happy with the new map, but I also learned a lot of things about geography and coherent worldbuilding, which made my universe a lot more realistic.

1)  Realism Has an Effect: While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating an unrealistic world, realism does affect the plausibility of a world. Even if the vast majority of us probably know little about geography, our brains subconsciously notice discrepancies; we simply get this sense that something isn’t quite right, even if we don’t notice or can’t put our finger on it. In other words, if, for some miraculous reason, an evergreen forest borders on a desert in your novel, it will probably help immersion if you at least explain why this is, no matter how simple.

2)  Climate Zones: According to my friend, a cardinal sin in fantasy maps are nonsensical climate zones. A single continent contains hot deserts, forests, and glaciers, and you can get through it all in a single day. This is particularly noticeable in video games, where this is often done to offer visual variety (Enderal, the game I wrote, is very guilty of this). If you aim for realism, run your worldbuilding by someone with a basic grasp of geography and geology, or at least try to match it to real-life examples.

3)  Avoid Island Continent Worlds: Another issue that is quite common in fictional worlds is what I would call the “island continents”: a world that is made up of island-like continents surrounded by vast bodies of water. As lovely and romantic as the idea of those distant and secluded worlds may be, it’s deeply unrealistic. Unless your world was shaped by geological forces that differ substantially from Earth’s, it was probably at one point a single landmass that split up into fragmented landmasses separated by waters. Take a look at a proper map of our world: the vast majority of continents could theoretically be reached by foot and relatively manageable sea passages. If it weren’t so, countries such as Australia could have never been colonized – you can’t cross an entire ocean on a raft.

4)  Logical City Placement: My novel is set in a Polynesian-inspired tropical archipelago; in the early drafts of the book and on my first map, Uunili, the nation’s capital, stretched along the entire western coast of the main island. This is absurd. Not only because this city would have been laughably big, but also because building a settlement along an unprotected coastline is the dumbest thing you could do considering it directly exposes it to storms, floods, and, in my case, monsoons. Unless there’s a logical reason to do otherwise, always place your coastal settlements in bays or fjords.

 Naturally, this extends to city placement in general. If you want realism and coherence, don’t place a city in the middle of a godforsaken wasteland or a swamp just because it’s cool. There needs to be a reason. For example, the wasteland city could have started out as a mining town around a vast mineral deposit, and the swamp town might have a trading post along a vital trade route connecting two nations.

 5)  Realistic Settlement Sizes: As I’ve mentioned before, my capital Uunili originally extended across the entire western coast. Considering Uunili is roughly two thirds the size of Hawaii  the old visuals would have made it twice the size of Mexico City. An easy way to avoid this is to draw the map using a scale and stick to it religiously. For my map, we decided to represent cities and townships with symbols alone.

 6)  Realistic Megacities: Uunili has a population of about 450,000 people. For a city in a Middle Ages-inspired era, this is humongous. While this isn’t an issue, per se (at its height, ancient Alexandria had a population of about 300,000), a city of that size creates its own set of challenges: you’ll need a complex sewage system (to minimize disease spreading like wildfire) and strong agriculture in the surrounding areas to keep the population fed. Also, only a small part of such a megacity would be enclosed within fantasy’s ever-so-present colossal city walls; the majority of citizens would probably concentrate in an enormous urban sprawl in the surrounding areas. To give you a pointer, with a population of about 50,000, Cologne was Germany’s biggest metropolis for most of the Middle Ages. I’ll say it again: it’s fine to disregard realism for coolness in this case, but at least taking these things into consideration will not only give your world more texture but might even provide you with some interesting plot points.

 7)  World Origin: This point can be summed up in a single question: why is your world the way it is? If your novel is set in an archipelago like mine is, are the islands of volcanic origin? Did they use to be a single landmass that got flooded with the years? Do the inhabitants of your country know about this? Were there any natural disasters to speak of? Yes, not all of this may be relevant to the story, and the story should take priority over lore, but just like with my previous point, it will make your world more immersive.

 8)  Maps: Think Purpose! Every map in history had a purpose. Before you start on your map, think about what yours might have been. Was it a map people actually used for navigation? If so, clarity should be paramount. This means little to no distracting ornamentation, a legible font, and a strict focus on relevant information. For example, a map used chiefly for military purposes would naturally highlight different information than a trade map. For my novel, we ultimately decided on a ��show-off map” drawn for the Blue Island Coalition, a powerful political entity in the archipelago (depending on your world’s technology level, maps were actually scarce and valuable). Also, think about which technique your in-universe cartographer used to draw your in-universe map. Has copperplate engraving already been invented in your fictional universe? If not, your map shouldn’t use that aesthetic.

9)  Maps: Less Is More. If a spot or an area on a map contains no relevant information, it can (and should) stay blank so that the reader’s attention naturally shifts to the critical information. Think of it this way: if your nav system tells you to follow a highway for 500 miles, that’s the information you’ll get, and not “in 100 meters, you’ll drive past a little petrol station on the left, and, oh, did I tell you about that accident that took place here ten years ago?” Traditional maps follow the same principle: if there’s a road leading a two day’s march through a desolate desert, a black line over a blank white ground is entirely sufficient to convey that information.

10) Settlement and Landmark Names: This point will be a bit of a tangent, but it’s still relevant. I worked with a linguist to create a fully functional language for my novel, and one of the things he criticized about my early drafts were the names of my cities. It’s embarrassing when I think about it now, but I really didn’t pay that much attention to how I named my cities; I wanted it to sound good, and that was it. Again: if realism is your goal, that’s a big mistake. Like Point 5, we went back to the drawing board and dove into the archipelago’s history and established naming conventions. In my novel, for example, the islands were inhabited by indigenes called the Makehu before the colonization four hundred years before the events of the story; as it’s usually the case, all settlements and islands had purely descriptive names back then. For example, the main island was called Uni e Li, which translates as “Mighty Hill,” a reference to the vast mountain ranges in the south and north; townships followed the same example (e.g., Tamakaha meaning “Coarse Sands”). When the colonizers arrived, they adopted the Makehu names and adapted them into their own language, changing the accented, long vowels to double vowels: Uni e Li became “Uunili,” Lehō e Āhe became “Lehowai.” Makehu townships kept their names; colonial cities got “English” monikers named after their geographical location, economic significance, or some other original story. Examples of this are Southport, a—you guessed it—port on the southernmost tip of Uunili, or Cale’s Hope, a settlement named after a businessman’s mining venture. It’s all details, and chances are that most readers won’t even pay attention, but I personally found that this added a lot of plausibility and immersion.

I could cover a lot more, but this post is already way too long, so I’ll leave it at that—if there’s enough interest, I’d be happy to make a part two. If not, well, maybe at least a couple of you got something useful out of this. If you’re looking for inspiration/references to show to your illustrator/cartographer, the David Rumsey archive is a treasure trove. Finally, for anyone who doesn’t know and might be interested, my novel is called Dreams of the Dying, and is a blends fantasy, mystery, and psychological horror set in the universe of Enderal, an indie RPG for which I wrote the story. It’s set in a Polynesian-inspired medieval world and has been described as Inception in a fantasy setting by reviewers.

Credit for the map belongs to Dominik Derow, who did the ornamentation, and my friend Fabian Müller, who created the map in QGIS and answered all my questions with divine patience. The linguist’s name is David Müller (no, they’re not related, and, yes, we Germans all have the same last names.)

[deepwaterwritingprompts]

do you have any advice for plotting out stories? I never seem to know where to go and end up abandoning projects a lot

Okay, let's do this. Plot. You'd think as someone who's written almost two thousand one line excerpts, plot wouldn't be my strong point. But, in my serious work, there's actually nothing I like better than a horribly complex plot. Here's my advice for plotting in general, and, specifically, how *I* plot something a little more complex. Fair warning this answer is INCREDIBLY LONG SORRY

General Advice

First and foremost, don't expect any plotting process to go fast. Very rarely does anyone sit down and bang out an entire plot that A: makes sense, or B: functions at all. There will be issues  that can only be solved by sitting with them for a while. You can keep writing while you wait, and who knows, may write the solution without even trying. Write the easy parts first, whatever those happen to be for you. That's allowed.

Second, get a piece of paper and, if you can, physically write out any plot points you already have. Your own unofficial, scrap paper timeline. Its really helpful to be able to add things and cross them out without it feeling too "important." Add question marks. Write stupid notes. Doodle. Its fun. 

Third, I'm not saying this is always strictly necessary, but please, figure out at least VAGUELY how you would like it to end first. Maybe you change it later. That's fine. Its very difficult to write a functioning plot if you don't know what its actually heading towards. 

Further to this point, have a list of things that NEED to happen for the story work, and another of things you WANT to happen because they are cool, or they fit the mood, etc. You can edit these as you go, and drop them in and out of your scribbled plot timeline. I want to make it clear that I think both lists are equally important. "My MC needs to win the big battle so there can be a happy ending." Is just as important as: "I think it would be cool if someone, at some point, got poisoned." Your Need list creates a functioning plot, but you can use the list of stuff you Want to make the need elements happen in a way that makes the story... you know. Good.

My last general advice is: don't be afraid to make changes. This goes for every aspect of the story. Change is good, and I promise absolutely no one gets it 100% right the first time. You can save that draft. Mess it up, take out characters, cut chapters. You will know, even if you don't want to admit it, when something isn't working. Don't worry, you'll figure it out. 

Complex Plots

Complex plots. I'm talking red herrings, multiple plot bunnies, purposeful loose ends, (actually good) twist endings, puzzles, mysteries, etc. First, take everything I've already said and multiply it by ten. It's going to take a long long time. There will be problems that require time and space to think. You must make notes, write things down, and be very ready to cross them right out again. 

When you read a really good, tight plot, it can feel like the author wrote it down one point after another in a 12 pt font, bulleted, perfect set of pre-planned directions for how to write the story. Maybe some people do it this way. I can't.  Instead, I let the story tell itself, and importantly, I don't worry about the details until the end. 

Here is a real example of how I work through a big scary plot, from the second novel in a series (I'm currently querying the first. Send good vibes). Let's look at some examples from my Need and Want lists:

Need:- Characters A and B need to make it to the end of the book alive. Want:- I want Character A to heroically save Character B near the end.- I want to give Character C some character development, in the form of anxiety about their role as a teacher. 

These were all things I knew pretty much right away. They didn't connect, and I didn't try to make them connect at the time. Then, months later, I was writing (out of order) the scene where Character C talks about their anxiety surrounding teaching.  Me: Oh. Character A can try to make them feel better by asking to be taught a random skill. Character C can teach them that skill, which can be used to save Character B at the end. 

Bam. A random Want for Character C's development has become an integral part of the plot, tying right into the very climax of the novel. "But wait!" you say, "Random life saving skill? Isn't that too convenient?" Well, yes, at first. But I don't worry about that, because two months later, I'll realize there needs to be an early scene where someone ends up in mortal peril, to demonstrate just how dangerous the situation is. Standard adventure plot stuff.

Me: Oh, the person in mortal peril can be saved. Character A can see this and be impressed. Then later, when trying to think of something Character C can teach them, it only makes sense to remember that dangerous incident, and ask: "Can you teach me CPR?"

Now, I know I want that early, danger establishing scene to involve someone almost drowning, which means I know that they need to end up by a body of water. I know who needs to go in, and what needs to go wrong for that to happen, and which character needs to be there to save them, and before you know it I've got at least half a chapter.

That half a chapter is no longer just a random, danger establishing scene. It affects a scene in the middle, which in turn affects the climax, and in turn the end of the novel itself. It's part of the plot.

In this way, I let the story tell itself. I make one decision, and use it to affect the next one, and the previous one, and so forth. It's like doing a puzzle, but the pieces are all inside my brain, which is a black bag I'm just kind of groping around in. I take out a piece, I put it where i think it's probably going to end up, and fish around for the next one. Eventually, I promise, you WILL find those matching pieces, especially if you have a solid NEED and WANT list. And the further you get, the easier it becomes! Magic. 

Which isn't to say it's ever going to be easy. It's not. But it is, I think, less difficult than expecting yourself to just *bam!* come up with a functioning plot all at once. How many times did I say Bam! in this advice post? I'm Emeril Lagasse now, I don't know. Hope this was halfway coherent. Happy plotting.

[silentexplorer18]

Epilogue

Word Count: 2,500+

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Draco smoothed the front of his cardigan and adjusted his ring, twirling it once, twice, thrice around his finger for good luck.  You were watching him from the doorway, an amused smile twitching on your lips.

“Don’t be nervous.  You’ll do great.”

He gave you a halfhearted grimace through the mirror.  Hopefully things would go well, but the ache in his gut wouldn’t let him believe it could go well.  The headline from the morning’s paper still skittered through his brain.  Ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy Unveils War Novel on Motives: An Exposé by Rita Skeeter.

You reached forward to squeeze his arm, chase away the worries that danced in his mind.  “Everything will be great.  I just know it.”

He managed to give you a real smile that time, hand reaching up to meet your own.

You liked to tell people Draco had taken to writing “like a duck to water,” but that hadn’t been the case at all.  The stories seemed to pull him under, drowning him in the clamber to escape from his soul.  Really, they wrote themselves.  Draco just listened to what they wanted him to say.  He could only hope that he would be able to explain it, coherently make sense of his intentions in some capacity.

Thankfully, The Quibbler was sending someone relatively relaxed to do the interview.  At least, that’s what the owl had claimed a few days prior when they reached out.  He was a bit choosey with his interviews, though not increasingly so because few deigned to write genuine reviews about his novels.  Thankfully Luna’s paper was relatively unbiased against him, so there was that.  He hoped whoever he was meeting—Argon? Adergon? He couldn’t recall—wouldn’t make things too difficult.

He felt your lips graze his cheek, pulling him from his thoughts.  “You’ll do great, darling.  And I’ll be here with lunch when you get back.”

Your unwavering support always shattered any fear he possessed.

~

They met at a coffee shop, informal but cozy, for the interview.  Draco sipped on some green tea as he waited, idly watching the people meandering along the shop windows across the street.

It was a quaint weekend morning; it made him think of waking up early to play quidditch in the yard before breakfast when he was a child.  He felt like he’d been transported worlds away from whoever that little boy had been.  Maybe that was for the best.

When the shop’s bell dinged, Draco started, retracting his hand from his cup as a man reached out to shake.

“Draco Malfoy?”  Draco nodded, inwardly chuckling at the man’s politeness in feigning ignorance on who Draco was.  His face has been printed in enough papers, no one would ever be able to forget post-war Draco in all his gaunt, exhausted glory.  The man carried on regardless.  “Adeon Heinrik.  Nice to meet you.”

Draco’s smile was stiff, but it always was with strangers.  Polite formality had been ingrained in him since birth; using it nowadays always made him uncomfortable, a muscle memory he didn’t care for.

Adeon settled into the chair opposite him, charming a quill like he’d seen Skeeter do all those years ago.  Perhaps this was payback for all the times he’d subtly suggested Potter was up to more antics to get the paparazzi on his tail.  Now Draco understood the discomfort of interviews.

Additionally, a recording device was placed on the edge of the table, charmed to catch their conversation and store it for later broadcasting.  Radio interviews had become quite the literary rage; how could The Quibbler resist expanding their reporting style?

Adeon adjusted his tie, clearing his throat subtly.  “This is The Quibbler Book Talks and I’m Adeon Heinrik here today to discuss Draco Malfoy’s latest work.  So, Mr. Malfoy, this article will be focusing primarily on your newest work, Snow on Peacock Street, a war memoir on your experiences with Voldemort, as well as the tale of your rocky relationship with your current wife.”  Draco nodded, and Adeon continued.  “However, before we discuss your newest novel, I’d like to take a look at your other works.  Dark Absolute and Scaled Terror were released seven and three years ago respectively.  Two Young Adult themed works, you delve into the fictive worlds of Algernon and Evelyn where the protagonists face incredible choices between family, faith, and country.  You also released a collection of essays titled The Purpose of Family, which was later synthesized into a children’s picture book four years ago.  Children, teens, you’ve focused on a young audience up until recently.  What’s your motivation for writing a war memoir now, for honing in on an adult audience?”

Draco licked his lips, fiddling with his ring under the table.  “Well, Mr. Heinrik, the truth of the matter is that the children weren’t there.”  Adeon’s eyes flickered with confusion, but Draco carried on, hoping his point would make sense.  “Unlike the children now that have a bit of a reprieve, I was a child of the war.  Although it was clearly the wrong side, it was a necessary burden that many of my peers faced as well.  We had been raised on tradition and weren’t willing to sacrifice our families at any cost.  However, the children, they aren’t having to make choices like that at present.  My works remain fictional because I can’t undo my past, but I can place the readers into similar morally unsteady situations.  Perhaps they can be more prepared to make their own choices after facing the situations in my novels.”

Adeon sat forward in his seat, eyes glued to Draco like a siren attempting to lure words from his lips.  Draco took a sip of tea, trying to hide the nervousness he felt as Adeon stepped in with the next question.  “That’s an excellent point.  But your newest work is obviously a war novel.  Why do you feel now is the right time to publish it?  Have things settled enough that it’s the right time to critique the situation from both sides?”

Oh dear.  “No,” he answered with a cool wave of his hand.  Or, as cool as he could manage with the worry jittering through his nerves.  He could feel it coming, the twisted commentary about his choices already lapping at his feet.  “Truthfully, there will never be a ‘right time’ to talk about the war.  No matter how much time passes, my generation will never be untainted by those experiences.  My intention isn’t to advocate that my side was better, nor to paint myself as some perfectly good person.  It’s merely to give an examination of the other side, to provide some humanity to the actions that occurred.”

“Provide some humanity, what do you mean by that?”

“Well,” he twisted his ring under the table, “there’s certainly a lot more nuance to human experience than the black-and-white exhibited in most modern war talks.  In discussing the experiences I had, perhaps it can provide some humanity and understanding for those who have had or will have similar experiences.  Of course, the Death Eaters’ actions—my actions—were reprehensible.  Our choices should not be absolved based on a single text.  Yet, the burden of choice is never easy, and being raised to take the wrong side or face death is a situation as old as time itself.  Perhaps the reasoning behind my actions and others will help those who face similar situations again someday.”

Adeon nodded, glancing down at his notes.  “I’m currently with Mr. Draco Malfoy as we discuss his latest work, Snow on Peacock Street.  The war novel, published in late November, has received praise from Philanthropist Harry Potter as well as Minister of Magic Hermione Granger.  However, less-than-stellar reviews have come from Head Auror Ronald Weasley.”  He looked up from his notes.  “Let’s discuss that for a moment.  Any ideas on why the Head Auror dislikes your latest work?”

Draco chuckled, running his thumb along the edge of his teacup.  “I’m afraid not everyone can have excellent taste in books.”

Adeon laughed, and Draco joined him.  Something on the recorder flashed red before returning to green.  He hoped it hadn’t broken.  Adeon seemed unbothered.

“So is that all it is?  He merely has poor taste while Minister Granger and Mr. Potter possess better taste?”

The thought put a grin on his face before he could really stop it.  “It’s certainly a nice way of putting it.”  Slowly, the smile dropped from his face.  He twirled his ring again.  Once.  Twice.  Thrice.  “I suppose it’s more to do with our past and upbringing.  Although I’m flattered Potter and Granger enjoy my work, I’m afraid I’m rather undeserving of their praise.”

“I see,” Adeon nodded, sensing Draco’s discomfort.  “Let’s talk about your work itself for a moment.  Your Young Adult novels have rather intense titles, I’m sure reflecting the nature of the work.  Yet your newest novel is titled Snow on Peacock Street.  It seems a bit lighthearted for a war story.”

“Partially because it isn’t.  At least, not in the beginning.  When I was a child, we had these marvelous peacocks.  Bright and beautiful.  They went to Naghini during the war, though; the last bit of brightness sucked out of the Manor.  It seemed a fitting reminder of what once was, to describe it as ‘Peacock Street.’  Though, it also reflects my relationship with (Y/n).” 

“Your relationship with (Y/n)?  In what way is that?”

“She’s…” He looked for the right word.  The English vocabulary didn’t seem to have a word spectacular enough for you.  “She was a lightness then.  She’s a lightness now, too.  But especially then.  It felt like the world was so hopeless and dark.  And then she showed up with a book and changed my life.  I couldn’t have survived without her.”

Adeon was smiling.  Maybe his interview hadn’t gone so poorly after all.

“And she’s written a book as well, hasn’t she?”

“Yes!  Yes,” he beamed, thinking of the smile on your face when you came home with the first printed copy.  “Her memoir Forgotten Burns and Papercuts will be available for sale next month.  It’s truly marvelous; I highly recommend reading it.”

“I’m sure you’re a bit biased in that regard, but I’ll take your word for it.”  Adeon glanced back down at his notes.  “Alright, we’re almost out of time for today.  Would you mind reading a little excerpt from Snow on Peacock Street to close us off?”

“Of course, I’d love to,” Draco said, taking the marked book Adeon passed to him.  It was only a few pages in, but hopefully it would be compelling enough to attract a few readers.

He cleared his throat, ring glinting in the light as he pressed the pages down to read.

They told me they loved me.  But what really is love without death?  What’s love without suffering and fear and hunger?  How do you find love amongst everything?  You can’t.  It’s impossible.  It may come in fleeting fragments, in silvery flutters like the faint trace of a Patronus.  Yet you never truly find it until there’s nothing else in the way.  When stripped bare before the masses, you find love.

Seldom is it expressed in gifts or other material, flowery things.  It rubs you raw, claws at your throat, tears you limb from limb.  Love is being faced with death and finding something worth living for.  It’s the cold blooded fear before a battle, the ripped cry of the lonely, the desperation of a dying man.  Contentment breeds complacency.  But fear breeds love.  I suppose that’s how I found her then.  How I loved her amongst a darkness so pungent it rotted the soul and slaughtered person after person with it.

I didn’t love her in an all-consuming fury, not until the world was dark and she was there, blinding, brilliant, stinging against my fingertips like fresh fallen snow, to remind me that my life couldn’t be over yet.

I would learn many things from her, but this, love roaring against the dying embers of life, would be her ultimate teaching.  It showed me more about the world than I could possibly describe, but in this text, I’ll attempt to impart that knowledge on you.

He glanced back up at Adeon, who barely looked composed as he shuffled in his seat, glanced down at his notes.

“That was Mr. Draco Malfoy reading an excerpt from his newest novel Snow on Peacock Street, available through Wizz Hard Books publishing company.  Mr. Malfoy, thank you for joining me today.”

“Thank you for having me,” he nodded.

“That will conclude this week’s edition of The Quibbler Book Talks.  I’m Adeon Heinrik, and I’ll see you next week when we join…”

~

The article had been a hit.  His work had been rather well reviewed all things considered.

Yours had done even better.  Hermione Granger had even written to you personally with compliments.  Though, it seemed only fitting as the torture scenes hit a bit close to home.

Draco had nearly retched proofing those scenes.  You’d had to hold him close for hours, reminding him that he didn’t know, that things had ended up okay.  The two of you had made it out alive.  He’d twisted his ring around his finger.  Once.  Twice.  Thrice.  You were alive.  Things were okay.

Things were better than okay.

Headmistress McGonagall had agreed to let the two of you deliver your books to the library for students to read.  Of course, the conditions required that you come during Winter Holiday when the students wouldn’t be distracted by your arrival, but that made things all the better.

Two copies, both as pristine and polished as ever, were handed to Madam Pince.  She thanked the both of you, moving to put them on the proper shelves.

Rather than leave, you pulled Draco toward the back corner of the library, smiles curling on both of your faces.

It felt like ages since the two of you had seen the dusty shelves where you’d spent years playing chase amongst the covers.  Names familiar and foreign dominated the shelves, mostly old, handwritten collections that would seldom be read.  Only the passionate—only people like you—would pull them down to decipher the hurried texts, pulled straight from the soul of the authors.

Draco pulled his hand away from yours, tracing the cover of the worn, black notebook.  It was no longer pristine, the interior scribbled and smeared with ink and the cover well worn with use.  His novel, the original.  It had been primarily completed after his first year of writing it, but he hadn’t been ready then to publish it, to even consider publishing it.  Sometimes he still couldn’t believe he’d printed the words, had them reproduced.  But he needed it.  He wanted it.

Your hands traced over a set of carefully bound parchments.  Your first draft, scratched out, written in the margins, revised.  The raw, the original.  Lines messy with emotion, edges crinkled with touch.

You looked up at the shelves.  It had all begun with those shelves, with those books.  Stories of ancient wizards and desperate souls.  And, oh, how your lives found ways to mirror those stories, mimic the past.

Draco pushed two books apart, making space on the shelves.  Delicately, you placed your set of parchments there, Draco’s notebook following.

Someone else could find your stories one day, remember your lives in all their messy, unpolished glory.  But in the meantime, they’d grow dust waiting for another soul to remember, to wonder, to learn.  The words would wait for a soul like yours.

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Taglist: @yucksiedoodles, @rachie-ox​​

A/N: Thank you for reading!  It’s been so much fun writing this series.  I hope you enjoyed.  Sending you all the love! ~Silent

[rigelmejo]

Reflection on Japanese Progress (so far)

I wanted to make something more coherent on my thoughts on how my japanese progress has gone lately, because in some ways its better than I expected. I think part of it has to do with better study methods being used right now compared to the first time I studied japanese, but another large part of it I think is my experience with chinese affecting my japanese. 

Prior Japanese Progress (2.5 years)

When I first studied Japanese seriously I took 1 college class, then continued to self study. Generally 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, some weeks/months no study, sometimes more study. I studied like this for 2 years. Then the final portion, year 2 - 2.5, I immersed and studied more like 2 hours per day and that’s when I saw the fastest progress as far as milestones. 

The reasons my progress went so slow up until year 2 are pretty clear to me. I had very little study time per day and japanese simply takes a lot more hours to hit milestones than french. The other thing slowing me down is that japanese has few cognates with english (compared to french). 

When I read The Word Brain recently, it said for languages similar each other (like english/french) you need to learn around 5000 new words, and for less similar languages like chinese and japanese you need to learn 15,000. So for Japanese I needed to learn more words before I could hit the same milestones of “read a comic ok with a dictionary” or “read a comic comfortably without a dictionary” or “read the news with only occasional word lookups” etc. French having more cognates and similarities benefited me quickly - I could start reading comfortable with occassional dictionary look up (and follow the overall main idea fine) after learning ~500 words. For Japanese, I was expecting the same kind of results from a few hundred words when that wasn’t realistic. 

I also remember I held myself back a lot with Japanese - I didn’t want to learn more words until I’d learned 1000+ kanji lol. Guess who never did. The closest I got was I borrowed a Tuttle book from the library and learned the meanings of 300 kanji. I tried Heisig’s RTK book and barely learned any, I never got past a couple hundred. I tried KKLC and my tendency to “over memorize until I’m perfect” meant I also never got past a couple hundred. In 2 years, I knew a few hundred words and a few hundred kanji, and it was not nearly enough to hit the same milestone I’d hit in French in 6 months with 500 words. 

I didn’t make progress until year 2 in studying japanese, when I started Nukemarine’s Memrise LLJ decks and got through around 500 kanji, 500 other words, and a few hundred example sentences. It’s not surprising in retrospect that its at that point when I saw the same milestone I hit in french 5 months in. I finally had ~1500 ish words I knew from various resources. 3 times as many words as I knew in french when I could hit the same milestone (very basic reading skills with a dictionary of overall main idea). 

At year 2 I made another major change that helped a lot - I started immersing. Before that, I’d “assumed” japanese would be too hard until I “learned more kanji, more words” and basically refused to challenge myself. But I learn best by doing. I remember best by doing things that make what I’m learning necessary to know. So immersion helped a LOT, it made remembering kanji much easier because I constantly needed them, it made picking up words easier too because I had reasons to know them. 

I also started using more audio materials. It wasn’t a significant part of my study, but I remember I’d started using JapaneseAudioLessons.com’s lessons. I did 20 of them during that time period. What was useful, is I was practicing listening (which I later learned in Chinese really helps me specifically remember things better), and I had found a study method I could do when walking or doing other things. I’m very bad at sticking to flashcards or apps, which is why I always burn out on srs flashcard courses after a few weeks to a month. But just listening to files? If I manage to remember to, I don’t get burned out as easy, and its a good way for me to review and do new study regularly when I can’t carve out the time to sit down. Also again - in retrospect I think listening helps me learn a LOT better, which is something I didn’t really realize about myself until studying chinese later. But I think the regular audio exposure of japanese from year 2 - 2.5 helped a lot. Just like when I started japanese, my beginner college class made us listen to dialogues and shadow them constantly - which really helped.

So in retrospect, year 2 to 2.5 I made the quickest progress in japanese because I started prioritizing learning a LOT of words over learning them ‘perfect,’ and I got willing to just challenge myself and actually use the language regularly by trying to read manga and play a video game. I also realized at that time, that japanese was going to need more hours of study on a regular basis if I wanted a faster progress rate.

After 2.5 years, I stopped studying japanese. Because I was going to school full time, working 50 hours a week, and I knew I had no time for it. 

During the study gap (2+ years)

I only engaged in japanese a little bit during the break where I no longer actively studied it. Every few months I’d try to read a manga - either one of mine or ones I found in thrift stores. I think I was hoping that like my french, reading once in a while would maintain it. But I knew a lot more french before I went down to not studying and only reading occasionally. So I did lose a lot of japanese. 

I stopped remembering some verb endings, although in the middle of reading I could still recall a lot of them in context okay and understand what they meant. I forgot some particles - which again came back ok while I was reading. Word order I somewhat forgot. Hiragana-only words I FORGOT the most. Kanji for the most part I managed to keep remembering, so I suppose reading helped me keep remembering them. I am not sure if this occasional reading helped me review japanese year quicker and get back to progressing from where I left off. 

The most noticeable thing was when I started learning Chinese, about 1 year after stopping Japanese. When I started learning chinese, some of the hanzi I learned ended up making manga more comprehensible to me. I remember maybe 6 months into chinese study, japanese manga (especially easy ones like School Rumble, Ranma 1/2, fan comics) had started to get understandable enough that I could sometimes follow chapter main overall ideas without a dictionary. So not the specific details - although sometimes I could pick up a few. But I didn’t need a dictionary to follow the main idea with simple manga anymore. Whereas at 2.5 years into study, I could follow the main overall idea of some simple manga chapters with a dictionary - that was the extent of my reading comprehension. So this was a significant improvement, a milestone I noticed. I know chinese hanzi study was indirectly benefiting my japanese reading skill a little bit. 

In retrospect, I think it was giving me more ‘near cognates’ to rely on when reading. Since I didn’t know the new japanese words, but knowing the meaning if it were a hanzi gave me an idea of what to Guess the word might mean in the context of a manga chapter I was reading. Which helped a lot compared to having no information at all to rely on to figure out new words. With french, so much having latin and english similarity gave me a lot more tools when I was trying to figure out new words in context. So I think hanzi knowledge in the same kind of way was giving me more information, more related meanings, to pull from and make guesses. For me, that kind of information helps a lot when I study. its how I learned a lot of words in english - I’d relate them to english words I already knew, that they seemed similar to or written with something in common etc. So I could finally start relying on the same strategies I am more used to using for vocabulary figuring-out in japanese.

Current Japanese Progress (picking it up after a couple years gap)

I started trying to study japanese again I think in March or April 2021 - the exact month’s on this blog somewhere. So that’s 4 months as of now that I’ve studied japanese again. It took about 1 month to review the information I already knew - I just reread the beginning portion of Tae Kim’s grammar guide, and did the old lessons I’d done before in Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks. 

At the very start of review, I just reread the intro of Japanese in 30 Hours (which I’ve read before), and listened to the first 15 lessons in japanese pimsleur. This was all audio or romaji so I didn’t confuse it with chinese. And it reminded me of the particles and general basic grammar. This mainly-audio portion of review was easy to just do while I was walking or playing video games. 

After that, I went and reviewed old words and specific grammar using Tae Kim and Nukemarine’s memrise decks (which had text). 

Then I was doing new stuff.

I had a goal to play a video game within a few months of restarting japanese - I met that goal about a month after reviewing. So May I think? I wrote down the exact month in previous blog posts. 

It was easier than during my initial study at 2.5 years. It was still intense and draining though lol. However, I realized I didn’t actually need a dictionary to follow any main ideas. The biggest issue was either taking a long time to read for detail directions (very draining mentally), or trying to speed read for key info so I could get to a save point faster (draining mentally because I have less info and time to comprehend the info I’m reading). Anyway, not needing any dictionary for following the main overall ideas was a HUGE difference from my last japanese comprehension milestone at 2.5 years into study.

I am pretty sure its hanzi recognition that really boosted my reading comprehension in japanese. I know around ~1500-2000 hanzi in chinese right now, and a decent amount more I can comprehend pretty well if they’re in compound hanzi words (so context clues to figure out which word the ‘unknown’ hanzi is making the new compound word) since I read in chinese a lot. So in japanese, many of the most common kanji are similar to hanzi I’ve already learned well, and a lot of the compound kanji words are also pretty easy to guess a meaning for. And when the kanji doesn’t mean the same thing as the hanzi would, the prior context I have for these video games such as setting (and some knowledge of them in english playthroughs) and a similar-hanzi’s usual general meanings, means I can usually guess what the new japanese word might mean. Like japanese uses some kanji for somewhat different meanings than chinese (but a speech radical still means its probably talking related) then I can figure out from the scene how it might be a different speech-related word etc. 

This past month, June 2021, I did two more things that boosted my japanese comprehension.

1. I’m playing a video game now that I know the story of really well. So I know the english lines almost by heart for most scenes, so if I don’t know a word in a sentence or don’t know the grammar pattern going on? I have a much better chance of figuring out what it might be. As a result I’m comprehending nearly all the details and words, nearly all the grammar roughly, so there’s very few portions of the game that I’m running into where I don’t have a good guess about every single part of a sentence or at least nearly everything. It’s Kingdom Hearts 2 I’m playing, and I am not surprised lol to realize I played that game So Much growing up I really do know all the lines by heart once I see them. KH2 is the game I initially played 2 years into studying japanese, and could somehow manage to function playing - probably because I know the game so well. So now? Now of course its the first japanese video game where I can follow nearly every part of it in japanese. It’s? A fun experience?? It’s kind of bizarre to me?

This is my favorite game, THE game when I was little that initially made me want to learn japanese. The game I wanted to play in japanese one day and understand and get to see the differences. It is an odd experience to be actually DOING what I wanted to do since I was 11. Over half of my life I’ve wanted to play this game in japanese! ToT I learned to draw people because of this game! It is absolutely surreal to me to be able to DO it. To be doing it. 

Anyway back to study reflections ToT

2. Katakana english cognates and near cognates are galore in KH2 which makes navigation and playing easier than it could be, and my hanzi knowledge also helps with a lot more ‘near cognates’ I can recognize now compared to when I played 2 years into study. Reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide and Cure Dolly (and @yue-muffin telling me iru gets used like ‘ing’ in verbs like ‘doing’ versus to do) also have made the grammar somewhat easier to parse.

2. Clozemaster has ultimately been helping a lot. Clozemaster is definitely a contributing factor to having made KH2 easier to play for DETAIL understanding. I’ve been reading manga lately - which helped me practice parsing grammar in real life versus in textbooks a bit. Grammar and formality in manga like Yotsuba is informal and has these like slang-mood endings to sentences that I never see in grammar books I’ve read or in Nukemarine’s memrise decks (because they’re made from learner materials). But manga is easy to figure out context now, so I was getting used to grammar used in Reality. 

Clozemaster is actually really good for practicing this too - and like with french or chinese, I think an upper beginner will be able to use it much better than a beginner. It changes formality, it changes how much slang is in a sentence or how polite, at random. Not all the translations are literal. You need a basic comprehension already to use clozemaster sentences somewhat. I did 632 sentences in clozemaster this past week. That was a LOT of practice with actual words regularly used in sentences, in dialogue, in various levels of formality and with words being hiragana or kanji depending on the specific sentence. So when I started KH2 again? Now a lot of endings that seem to convey moods, and words that I struggled with (like ‘a lot’ ‘always’ ‘because of’ ‘from’ ‘until’ ‘but’ ‘kedo’ ‘dakadesu’ ‘dakada’ etc) I am more used to following what they mean in a sentence. I’ve just seen a LOT of examples of them. Clozemaster also highlights verb endings sort of like their own ‘helper verb’ and while I don’t know if its actually grammatically true, it helps conceptualize stuff like verb tenses for me a lot easier. So now I am having an easier time recognizing them attached to verb stems, and recognizing the point the conjugation is getting across. 

The main thing though is its just a lot of very focused practice on recognizing words and grammar in the context of regular sentences instead of learner material. Learner material tends to show one aspect at a time, not mix lots of things together since its giving examples, etc. Clozemaster does mix up the examples a lot - but while still generally having an easier ‘difficulty curve’ than an actual web novel or visual novel etc. Clozemaster will have a lot going on in a sentence but it will all be very common basic stuff where at most half is new stuff, and eventually only 1 is a new thing. Whereas if I just dived into regular materials it could be a bunch of “I know very little” sentences. Manga is good practice for this too - its just you see less text per minute in manga. In Clozemaster you see a lot of text and its generally at my reading level so it feels ‘graded’ but less learner-material perfected, which in this case makes it good for getting used to the variety. I think overall THAT is how Clozemaster is helping right now. Its also helping because of common words - but a lot of what I’ve seen so far has been review too, so I think its the exposure to different sentences and odd things in them that’s been most helpful in translating to making video games feel a bit easier.

I’ve been doing the “most common” word tracks in Clozemaster’s japanese lessons, and I think they’re more useful to me immediately than the JLPT track. The fast track is kind of useful, but it doesn’t expose me to as many sentences to really drill aspects. I took someone’s advice and have been doing listening mode, so I listen then listen a few times and identify words THEN read it and answer the cloze. They also said to do the full ‘most common words’ tracks, and so far that advice has been good. The JLPT track is good too - and matches up more with words I had to learn in my other lessons and textbooks, combined with more complex sentences with more stuff going on in them at once than some learner materials. But since I’m trying to study to understand japanese games, not take the JLPT, I think right now that track less useful to me. In the Common Words track I immediately learned a lot of ‘filler’ words that imply meanings and are important but weren’t in my textbooks, even though I hear them constantly when watching things or playing games. So because of that, right now I’m sticking to the common words track. 

Summary: using kingdom hearts 2 is a good immersion material right now since I know the context well, it feels almost ‘graded’ for me since I can comprehend it much easier than other things I know less well (like Crisis Core which I love but requires much more focus and is more mentally draining since I have to re-figure out the initial context of scenes before i can focus on what the specific words mean). And using audio materials, clozemaster, has helped. Also just... I was wondering why lately handling japanese stuff has been easier (compared to previously for me) and I think a huge part of it is that for me hanzi knowledge really helped give me more near-cognates from kanji i can rely on now. Which makes japanese seem much less opaque as far as me trying to use context clues to understand things and learn new words. And since I prefer to learn by DOING, its valuable to me that now I have enough surrounding context and context-hints from kanji to start learning by guessing words in context a bit more. Also, in KH2′s case a huge benefit is the large amount of katakana words that I know what they’re meant to be in english, which are pretty much cognates, and both recognizing kanji a bit and also knowing the rough-english they Should be corresponding to (if its different than the chinese hanzi meaning). 

I’m going to keep playing KH2 lets see if its the first Game I can finish in Japanese (which it may well be lol). Also I just... genuinely think that for myself, among the other things I learned about How I personally learn through the years of trying to learn this, I think for me learning some chinese first really helped. 

I know books I used to have used to encourage me to learn kanji first, but that always just ended up holding me back from studying more because I just could Not handle a kanji with no sound attached solidly in my mind. And then when I did brute force just study words anyway, it helped, but I still had a much fuzzier way of handling and relating to kanji. And in general just was learning them from nothing as a prior basis.

With chinese, just one sound matched to most hanzi really like clicks with how I remember? And when there are pronunciation changes in my brain it just clicks a lot more like how english word-parts change pronunciation depending on the word - it makes a kind of pattern sense to me I guess? And the logic of sound+meaning for most hanzi formations means I finally get why certain radicals are in things - because it got simplified, or used to hint at sound, since they don’t All have all radicals relating to meaning only. Whereas when I studied kanji prior all the books would try to get me to associate all the radicals with meaning (but sometimes if a radical in hanzi come from a sound they don’t have to do with the meaning). And I guess it was just so much harder for me to stick the information solidly in my brain.

Now? Now I’m finding putting kanji pronunciations to different words is making a bit more sense to me. Like I already have a base to attach it to, so its less hard to add “this extra pronunciation for japanese word X” rather than just “this ONE pronunciation for this BRAND NEW kanji+hiragana word!” Because attaching an extra pronunciation to something I Already know? Is not too hard - I did it in english word-parts for my whole life, I did it with hanzi occasionally in chinese. So now attaching sounds to kanji feels more like something I’m used to doing and know how to do - instead of learning lots of new stuff with no idea how to mash it together and remember it. 

Also now the ‘chinese like’ pronunciations for some words stick out to me much clearer in japanese, since I can tell when the pronunciation is similar to a hanzi in chinese versus not. Which makes those words much easier to remember, those pronunciations easier to remember, and it much easier for my brain to distinguish between ‘when to use this pronunciation versus another for this kanji.’ Also just grammar of course, knowing how the pronunciation changes in different forms also helps make it easier to think ‘ok this might be why the kanji sound changed when this verb is in a new conjugation.’   

I just. If I would have told myself over 2 years ago that 1. I’d even learn some chinese, and 2. it would help my japanese this much (to a noticeable amount) I would have been really ???

Another thing I think helped is a Decent Solid sound base in chinese - I generally have a sound associated to all hanzi already that I know so I do not ‘confuse’ them with japanese words. Which would definitely happen if my listening wasn’t as solid. I worked on chinese listening a lot the past few months and it helped a LOT with keeping the languages as very distinctly different so I don’t mix up kanji/hanzi (also the fact kanji don’t have tones the same way helps me separate the sound when I hear so I don’t mix up what I’m listening to, which if me listening wasn’t as practiced I think mixing up would happen more - tones really help me clearly keep my brain from even thinking I’m hearing chinese when I see a kanji and hear pronunciation).

[snowbellewells]

Ok. For the end of year asks. Don’t shoot me, but I want them all. If you don’t want to answer them all, just pick the ones you do.

Oh boy, Krystal @kmomof4, are you sure I’m really that interesting?!?  Just for you though, I’ll answer them all. (Though, I skipped number one, because I had already answered it in a previous ask.)

2) What’s your least favourite thing you wrote this year?

Oh man, I don’t know quite how to answer this, because I don’t hate it or anything - in fact I got some really lovely and enthusastic feedback for the first chapter I posted. But picking a Music Man AU as one of my fics for the @captainswanmoviemarathon was something I should have given a bit more thought to....  It’s really daunting to write something that is it’s own unique thing and interesting in its own way, and yet still does justice to something you love that much and have seen so many times. The movie musical is perfection already and that makes it really hard for me to make much progress! ;p

3) Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

I mentioned this briefly in my answer to @captain-emmajones earlier for my favorite work this year, but my Sherlock Holmes Victorian-era AU “The Case of the Heart in Armor” would be up there as being pretty out of the norm for me. I think you even mentioned in your comments, Krystal that it was a darker venture for me. Other than that, your birthday one shot “Here in Our Time” would be the other really “different” one for me, because I made a genuine attempt at M-rated smut.

4) Which of your fics this year was most successful?

I should probably go back and double-check numbers to be completely sure, but I am pretty certain that my ghostly @cssns one shot “For Once, Don’t Let Go” was my most commented on, liked, reblogged fic this year.  I chalk much of that up @hollyethecurious‘s gorgeous illustration with it and it begin part of such an awesome event. Still, I’m going paste the illustration on here for folks to see if they missed it, just because I love it and want to see it and celebrate it again:

5) Which of your fics do you wish was more successful?

In general I feel like the writings I have done this year have been pretty kindly noticed and commented on. I’m always flattered when anyone reads and responds to my work. I did get a kick out of my other @csjanuaryjoy submission “Adorable Old Man” and it didn’t seem to be one as many people saw, so I guess I’ll say that one.

6) What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

There could be others that I’m just not remembering at present, but what popped into my mind was this lighthearted little bit of conversation in the most recent chapter of my @captainswanmoviemarathon fic “Do as the Romans Do”. I was happy with how it echoed a bit of Roman Holiday’s dialogue, but did it’s own think and blended humor, exasperation, and affection too:

“Blearily she found his gaze across the room, blinking as though to force herself fully awake, before she murmured quietly, her voice a husky, groggy purr, “It’s the oddest thing. I’ve never been alone with a man, even in my dress. Without my dress, it’s m-most unusual…” The slurry quality of her still half-slumbered words made him smile inspite of his discomfort. “But I don’t seem to mind. Do you?”

Killian felt a certain part of himself very distinctly minding her state of undress, and he was intensely glad for the blanket he had wrapped around himself. Yet, despite his checkered pedigree and past, and the rakish rogue he sometimes played with colleagues and friends, he did pride himself and make the effort to be a gentleman. Giving a small dip of his chin in a nod to her, one side of his mouth quirked up into a half-smile as he sardonically replied, “Don’t mind me, Love. As long as you’re comfortable. I only live here.”

Completely missing the wry sarcasm in his words and tone in her somnabulent state, she bobbed her head smartly in agreement and happily plopped back down on the pillow, curled up once again, and returned to her slumber.“

7) What’s your favourite piece of description or narration?

“The moonlight glittered off the dark waters of Storybrooke harbor, where the Jolly Roger was now permanently berthed. Pausing on the wooden planks of the dock, Emma gazed up at the ship, seeing her sailor standing on board, bathed in the ethereal glow and staring up at the stars overhead. His magnificent old ship had come to seem like her home too; she practically lived there with him for all intents and purposes.

Something warm swelled within her chest as Killian turned at the sound of her approach and smiled down at her in welcome. ...Holding out his hand to help her aboard, Emma thrilled at the gentle pressure of her pirate’s fingers wrapped around her smaller ones. As she reached his side on deck, she leaned into Killian’s sturdy frame while his arms encircled her and his spicy scent enveloped her senses, the rightness of the moment and them together and their place in their world - home at long last - could not be any clearer. Their port was set, wherever they might sail.”

From the last chapter of my @cssns19 wereworlf sequel “Face to Face in the Broad Daylight”, which didn’t conclude until February of this year, so hopefully it counts! (Many thanks once more to @branlovestowrite who did the gorgeous cover art for that one!)

8) Which fic this year was most fun to write?

I think I probably had the most fun writing my Sherlock Holmesian, Victorian AU. I got such a kick out of posting the different plot twists and cliffhangers and waiting for @kmomof4‘s reactions alone! And I seemed to gain several readers that didn’t usually follow my works as well! :)

9) If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

I don’t know exactly what pieces I would change without going back over and giving it a re-read, but I worried that my ghost @cssns20 one shot felt a bit rushed because I wrote and typed and edited and changed almost right up to midnight on my designated posting date and still wasn’t satisfied with it.  I just felt like it could ahve been a little more coherent or fluid and I didn’t have time left to make it quite what I had envisioned. Other people didn’t seem to mind though. It’s always funny to me which stories seem to grab people’s interest or gain readers.  I’m always grateful, but sometimes (often it fact) it isn’t the one I think it will be...

10) What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

I’m going to try to finish the all of the WIPs I have in progress. I have NEVER BEFORE, since I first began posting my fiction online, had so many pieces in progress at the same time. It worries me that people are waiting and my loss interest or patience and stop reading them. So I want to get all of those moving along and completed.  I also just hope to produce more stories in general. So many ideas, and so little time! But if I would be less self-critical and really use my down time efficiently, I think I could get farther on my fic writing in 2021.

[whereyoursoulresides]

DiC Dub. vs Sub, Episode 21/25 - “Jupiter Comes Thundering In”/”Jupiter, the Brawny Girl in Love” Pt 2

After so long, here is part two!!

Because of the massive break in between the two, I’ve had to switch gears a little with my explanations, but hopefully they’ll still appear coherent! Without further ado, the remainder of this episode of Dub vs. Sub!

Previously, I covered the manners in which the episode begins to establish the foundation for both diverging character arcs. Propped with knowledge from both Beryl and Kunzite, Zoisite takes his charge with perfect grace and professionalism. Meanwhile, DiC's Zoycite is introduced as being far keener, promisingly relentless, and a more dangerous adversary. If Zoisite was concealing his fangs, as it were...then we were introduced to Zoycite flashing hers.

If it sounds like I'm bashing a dead horse with this difference a lot,  perhaps it's also because the DiC dub seems to do so with as much vigor. Certainly, I can't assume writers' intentions when they re-wrote the character for DiC. However, DiC seemed to find as many opportunities as they can to showcase Zoycite's contrary presentation of Zoisite's original character as often as they can, even when they didn't necessarily have to...

This bit of exposition was given right at the very beginning of the DiC version when no such introduction was made in the original. Possibly, DiC made this change to ramp up the story's dramaticism. However, DiC's reputation for obvious exposition leads me to believe otherwise, especially when it starts cropping up in later episodes more frequently, and for no other reason. 

(For example, yes, I understand that the following screenshots are referring to Lita / Makoto. However, if you look at Zoycite’s arc as a whole, it is also an excellent setup to the infamous “Disguise” episode...and I feel it is also a great representation of why DiC so desperately wanted to sow these character changes into Zoycite. For if they hadn’t, and Zoycite remained exactly as Zoisite in all manners except gender... how different would “she” be, a beautiful female soldier fighting for love, than another titular character we know?)

Anyways, I digress, and will return to the above bracketed point once we reach that particular episode. In the meantime, please enjoy the following comparisons remaining from the episode below...

1. Zoycite’s keenness, and further proof that DiC can’t stand empty sound space, even if it’s to imply a character’s softly - and ominous - coming).

2. I wish there was a way I could put audio clips in these tumblr posts, because I do love how both these characters are still portrayed with a sense of play...Zoycite’s acrid, saccharine poison, and Zoisite’s breathy, cotton-candy kiss of death.

3. If I could put in audio clips, this is where we would hear Zoycite’s syrup literally curdle - her voice rips into an edge of monstrous roughness, similar to other other monster-of-the-day characters that were also portrayed by the same actress. Meanwhile, Zoisite’s actor speaks with a softness of a snake beginning to gently suffocate you..

4. Goddamnit Zoi, you are so fucking cute, I will never get over how you call out your own name like you’re a fucking pokemon <3.

(Side Note: Zoisite’s use of his own name may seem vain, but I tend to read it less as a form of vanity, and more of a form of cute-speak. It’s yet another way he downplays the perception of his potential: to evoke the sense of adorableness, of femininity, a way to startle the opponent into a sense of lowered security. Honestly, I’m sure this isn’t so much of an actual farce he puts on and is genuinely how he expresses himself, both on the job and at home, but it works! Note that in the future, whenever Zoycite uses the same tactic, she never says it in the same, diminutive cute way. Her spell-cast is always aggressive, shouted in determination and confidence).

(Extra Side-Note: Another +1 for how many times Zoycite will say she is excited to please Queen Beryl. I’m keeping count for an explicit reason. Infer that what you will, and please imagine it with the same kind of “ding” that’s heard in CinemaSins.)

5. I mean, apart from the usual (Zoycite’s kneejerk reaction is to be antagonistic, while Zoisite is actually only politely informing Makoto that she does not have to engage, etc, ...he literally does not coax, mock or challenge. We will see later that Zoisite treats physical bloodshed and confrontation as unnecessary and only as a last resort, while Zoycite is spurred by challenges) - I also love how Zoycite’s dialogue also reflects this difference. I’ve talked at length at how Zoisite is always unfailingly and elegantly polite before, and now look at Zoycite’s speaking mannerisms: uncouth, aggressive, and filled to the brim with attitude when the opportunity arises. ‘SCUSE ME, indeed!

6.Further point regarding Zoycite and Zoisite’s divergent opinions of physical or violent confrontation: one disparages it, considering it barbaric, and that he is above it (often literally). The other laughs in the face of it, and has no qualms dishing it out as a threat...or is more than ready to follow it through.

(Also: buzz off omfg)

In fact, we see their opinions play out beautifully below:

7. After being punched, compare these reactions: one promising brutal threat, and the other fucking gobsmacked it even happened. Also, their differences in priorities.

While that may sound like I’m making a dig at Zoisite, I am legitimately not. I know this scene tends to be one of the ones that famously evoke the idea of Zoisite’s vanity, but I tend to read it another way. Yes, Zoisite’s face is precious to him, and yes, it could also be read as a stereotypical portrayal of a feminine gay character. 

However, this scene is not meant to illicit laughter. Nor it is not meant for us to startle with incredulity of how silly it is that he is upset his face his hurt. In this scene, Zoisite is truly shocked - his words are less an angry tantrum and more a statement of startled fact. He hadn’t anticipated Makoto could get that close to him, could actually touch him, much could actually strike him. And, in a place that is fiercely protective of, not because of his vanity...but because it is a precious commodity in the main force that drives his arc. (Yes, it’s Kunzite.) It’s no surprise that Zoisite’s beauty and “beautiful face” gets mentioned so often at key moments in his character development. His arc starts with a punch in the face, rises with gentle caresses, and - after a similar injury - crashes.

All of these subtleties, however, are swapped entirely in Zoycite’s case. Her face is not a fragile commodity by which she holds dear...in fact, it is of little importance to her. Her immediate concern is vengeance - more so than the injury on her face, it is her ego is bruised, and damn anyone who dares to make that mark.

Anyways, before I digress further, let’s round back up to the remainder of the episode. These last few scenes only continue to consistently show the differences in Zoycite’s and Zoisite’s professional approach. There isn’t as deep to note, with one exception at the very end...

8. If you haven’t already caught on, Zoycite really wants this fucking crystal.

9. Up above, DiC makes as much of an effort to showcase how much joy Zoycite derives from her job. Being a Negaverse warrior is an excellent honour - your true self - and boy, is she enjoying exerting her power over those below her. Zoycite’s ambition is demonstrated not as an ideal professional characteristic, but the potential in her to throw a coup if she wanted to. She is power hungry, and that grows recklessly to dangerous heights as her arc progresses. Notice that Zoisite says none of these things...because it isn’t power he seeks. He approaches his subject with almost professional indifference: he seeks no more than the objective of his task. And don’t worry, “it will only take a moment”.

10. This has always been one of my favourite scenes. I just love how Zoisite politely “nopes” out, while Zoycite - and I fully believe it - has a fucking victory celebration. (Don’t think for a moment Zoycite is just jesting, she probably told Malachite to set out the champagne before she left on the mission!)

And again, note the increased victorious laughter, where there was none before...

And FINALLY, the one ODD thing that happens a LOT throughout DiC’s version of this character arc. Remember how I mentioned in a previous instalment that DiC seemed to like to inject extra dialogue and laughs that could exposit Zoycite as a fundamentally meaner character than Zoisite?

Hey look, it happened again:

Like, this may not seem like much of a deal, but think about it. We had a scene earlier where Zoisite’s words basically remained the same in conversion (the “order” scene). We’ve had many instances where the original dialogue/script did not need to be changed, and yet was tweaked in just certain places. This seems like a wholly unnecessary change, so why do it?

The answer is: in changing Zoisite’s gender, DiC encountered a whole other problem. And that problem was: a female solider character, who’s primary motivation was love, a love that could be read as more complex, established, and equally both inspirational and problematic ...could end up becoming an unintentional role model for DiC’s demographic. Figuratively speaking, the tragedy by which we all love Kunzite and Zoisite’s humanity for carried a message that DiC feared might be misconstrued as another example of a miracle romance - because at that point, superficially, the character would no longer be any different than Sailor Moon. iIf Zoycite also fought for love, then her motivations would blow a hole right in the Power of Love message that DiC’s Sailor Moon stood for. And, if she was as dedicated to Malachite as Zoisite was to Kunzite - questionably so - it would also rip a massive hole in DiC’s message of Girl Power. 

I’ll talk more about this in greater detail as those essential scenes crop up throughout the arc. For the time being, let’s simply observe that for all the animosity Zoycite gets in the DiC version (even by other characters in the same universe), that Zoisite was never perceived in the same way, even by his enemies. And there’s a reason for that.

[justlightthefirstspark]

As promised, my analysis/opinion/thought piece on today’s MUWFC game vs Spurs. Everything is chronological which I feel like should go without saying but in the interest of clarity 🤷🏽‍♀️ but not everything is tagged to the minute cause I am an idiot that didn’t realise that that would be helpful til like the 2nd half. Also, if I missed anything, or got players mixed up or anything pls lemme know and I’ll edit accordingly! I’ve never really done any from of sports based writing before (I don’t think tweets count lol) so pls be nice, merci 😘

Line up as follows, I guess this is pretty common knowledge but you know, coherency and such.

Tbh it was kinda hard to see *a lot* of this game, especially on the far side of the pitch and by both goals because of the weather, felt like I was watching Silent Hill for a little while there, but I did my best. My wifi is also horrendous atm, and we all know that the FA Player can be problematic so there’s a very good chance I might have missed something due to a lag or buffering btw. Just drop me an ask if you notice anything that mightn’t be quite right, and I’ll fix it asap! Some ~analysis~ (if you could call it that lol) is more detailed than other bits cause there was a lot happening and today I learned that it’s kinda hard to write one thing and watch another at the same time lol

First half:

Quick, fast and almost successful start. A much-needed improvement on the stagnancy vs Bristol a few weeks ago, and obviously we couldn’t see the midweek game vs Brighton so I can’t compare them.

I have to say I’m not a massive fan of all the back passes, all the time. I think a more attacking FB might be needed in the summer, or maybe Ökvist should be given some time to acclimatise to the WSL soon? I was never the biggest fan of Harris last season, I personally don’t think she’s fast enough – she gets outpaced down the flank by attackers 90% of the time, which isn’t good. I think A. Turner is the strongest FB option currently, at least defensively, and she’s shown she has a decent attacking ability, and has a wicked long ball, as well as crossing. My only issue is sometimes those tackles of hers can be a liability, giving away unnecessary fouls. It’s almost like she doesn’t think before she flies in sometimes, which is a shame, cause I love them. A lot.

There were a couple of really good chances in the first half, including a great ball in and run up from Galton, which should have resulted in probably the opening goal but whether it was as a result of the weather or just misjudged timing and placement from both Ross and Sigsworth, the chance went to waste. Groenen had an excellent chance to net her first for United but unfortunately sent it just wide. Another glorious link up between A. Turner and Galton led to another decent chance, a gorgeous cross in from the right to the opposite side of the box, and the perfect header which unfortunately was aimed straight at the keeper. Very unlucky to head in at the break with nothing.

There was an incredible double save from Earps around halfway through the first half. I have to say, I have some anxieties with her sometimes. She is quite good, but has a tendency to make some silly mistakes, and doesn’t always make the right call for a save. But my god she was on her game today, even if a potential error might have led to the first save. Didn’t disappoint me anytime she was called on this afternoon.

A few frustrations started to show around the 30 min mark, a few sloppy passes and challenges making the rounds. It was also around this time that I realized I’d picked a pretty poor game to start this thing on because I could barely see anything.

Zelem seems to be back in form, which can only be a good thing. But I would very much like it if somehow she could drag some of the other girls back up with her.

There were a fair few soft calls going Spurs way, which I wasn’t entirely convinced by. But then again I’m probably just naturally biased towards my girls.

Another great ball in to Sigsworth from A. Turner which was just *chefs kiss* but unfortunately came to nothing. There was also a spin move either to commit or avoid a challenge, I couldn’t really tell tbh, which was very impressive, as was her chase down on Mitchell at around 43 mins. (Amy’s my favourite player, can you tell?)

Booking for Kirsty Smith just before half time, but I gotta be honest I couldn’t see it due to the fog, so I have no idea what happened. Couldn’t find anything about it in the United post-match report either so apparently we’re just deleting that from the history of the earth which is completely fine by me to be honest.

Second half:

My main takeaway from this game is that both Sigsworth and Ross always seem to be looking for the same ball in the penalty area, and there very rarely seems to be anybody else around looking for a potential rebound. I think that James (who missed today’s game due to suspension) seems to be our main (only?) front line creator and finisher; Sigsworth is fine, that girl works like a dog and always gets the job done, I think she may have just needed another goal to boost her confidence, but I have no real concerns with her. Ross, however, I’m not entirely convinced by, I think a lot of her finishes have been a bit lucky and flukey so far. I’d start Toone over her for the rest of the season to be honest, Ross hasn’t done anything that tells me she deserves the starting place. Feel free to disagree with this of course, this is just my own personal opinion.

56 mins – confusion has entered the chat. McManus ends up pretty much through on goal, and then the ref whistles for what I assumed to be an offside. So naturally I nearly kicked my laptop out the window. The ref then awards a United penalty, and I’m even more confused now than I was in the beginning. I genuinely didn’t see anything but did hear a few shouts from what I’m assuming was the United bench for handball, so I have no idea what happened here.

‘58 – GOAL. Who else? God bless Katie Zelem is all I’m saying.

‘61 – Hanson 🔁 Ross. I think this was a good swap. I don’t think Ross was particularly good today, and Hanson immediately sparked that RW. I would have subbed Ross off sooner but that’s my only issue.

’64 – GOAL – Sigsworth with a pretty perfect if slightly scruffy strike from a corner.

A much better corner than previous attempts, and Spurs hadn’t defended any of them particularly well. I think that we have a major issue with set pieces, I dunno what exactly the problem is, whether they need to allocate a new taker or whatever but before today had we scored from a corner all season? Lemme knowwww.

’65 – A few decent chances for Spurs around this time. One pretty clear run in from the right, and one or two shots bounced right of the crossbar and the post. Basically my heart stopped for about 8 mins.

’66 – I DO NOT WANT TO SEE BACK PASSES IN THE BOX AS OPPOSITION PLAYERS SWARM IN. CLEAR IT. I DON’T CARE WHERE IT GOES JUST GET IT OUT. (sorry for the caps but my anxiety was out in force this afternoon)

United started playing much better after both goals, think they just needed a kick up the arse. *Ahem* A confidence boost. 👀 Much better intensity for the final 30 mins than the previous 60 imo.

’68 – Another decent chance for Spurs, with Earps coming way too far off her line than sat right with me. Very lucky nothing came of that.

’69-72 – Around this time I started to get *very* confused between Amy and Abbie cause they both had yellow boots on and literally the only thing I could see on the far side of the pitch was feet. That was fun.

’73 – The wasteful corners made a return. Slightly less panicked about that one considering we were already 2-0 up but still, I would like to see the glaring set piece issue sorted asap thanks girls x

’75ish – Toone 🔁 Groenen. Man I love Jackie Groenen. She really has been immense for us so far, and there’s a definite difference in how we play without her.

’78 – Harris 🔁 M. Turner. I’ve said my piece about Harris above but man, can we take a second to appreciate Millie Turner. She never, ever stops. Literally the heart of our defence.

’86 – GOAL – Oh captain, my captain. Beautiful strike from a free kick just outside the box, with the perfect bend around the wall and subsequently the keeper to make it 3-0.

United were very obviously stronger in the second half, almost looked like a completely different team at times. Whether they just got the hairdryer treatment at the half (I would imagine Casey is terrifying when she’s mad.) or the goals gave them that spark they desperately needed to kick on, they definitely made up for all the missed chances in the first half.

’90 – 4 additional minutes.

’92 – Another United free kick. McManus found herself almost clear in (again!), but due to an unlucky fumble with the ball at her feet unfortunately nothing came from this one. Surely a 4th goal otherwise.

’93 – FIIIIIIIIGHT. Kinda. You love to see it. Spend a little while conducting some, scientific research 🌚 and have concluded that Toone was tackled from behind just as the ball left her feet, which led to the ~scuffle~. Have to say that Amy walking away with Ella was extremely 🥰🥰🥰 (This is my research - https://twitter.com/48hours8/status/1218896406020349953?s=21)

’94 – Red card for Tooney. I would assume for her reaction more than anything but the camera didn’t catch it so I guess we’ll never know. I would have thought a yellow would suffice, considering that’s all the Spurs player in question received, but apparently not. 🤔 I’m still kinda confused tbh.

’95 – Full time.

Thus concludes what was certainly an interesting match. Please enjoy this comparison of United vs Spurs chaotic energy from @danieljamesmufc

Also thanks for reading if you got this far, it’s a bit stop-starty and clunky cause I just wrote down thoughts and whatever as they came into my head and then pieced it all together later on. I also just wanna say that I was massively impressed with Smith today. She hasn’t had many chances to prove herself this season, but that combo of herself and Galton down the left was lethal today imo. 🔥

Some extra thoughts:

I’m not a huge fan (like, at all) of fans singing men’s orientated chants. Let the women’s rivalries develop on their own, in their own way, and don’t drag the vulgarities across! That said, I do think that particular group of United fans has the potential to be a very, very good thing.

Also, just wanna say that these are my girls, and I would die for every single one of them. None of my criticism is meant to be intentionally negative, I just tried to be as objective and realistic as possible, without being a fangirl lol. Even my faves aren’t immune to criticism unfortunately.

And this picture is now my favourite thing ever to exist

[on-the-shelves]

on my shelf: soundtrack to my fourth year of uni - summer

I’m finally done with my Bachelor’s thesis! I might make a separate, more detailed post about it, since the topic is relevant for what this blog is about (of course it is haha), but for now I can say my topic was an analysis of the use of elements from the “Pop-Star-System” in building up a girlgroup career. I looked at the history of Pop-Stars and analysed the album covers of the Supremes’ first two albums, as well as the Spice Girls and Girls’ Generation’s first albums/physical releases. It was a lot of work, but I really enjoyed the topic. Oh and if anyone was wondering, I’m doing a Media Studies degree, which is why I could tackle such a cool topic.

Anyway! So working on my thesis took up my entire summer semester because I luckily didn’t have any classes left to attend, so I was thankfully spared the whole online class ordeal. The music I mentioned in my last post (”Quarantunes”) has mostly stayed on repeat in the past few months. Besides an ever steady stream of BTS, there are a couple of new things to add to the list:

Tomorrow X Together: The Dream Chapter: Eternity (2020)

Now THIS is the release I’ve been waiting for from them. Their previous album had one song that had a co-writing credit for one of the members (Hueningkai on “Rollercoaster”), but this album has more! We’re finally starting to hear their writing talents more. “Maze in the Mirror” was written/demo’ed entirely by one member (Beomgyu) and in the process of preparing it for this release the other members also wrote parts. It’s a beautiful, melancholic, and dynamic song that I can highly recommend for listening to before going to sleep. The lyrics talk about how unsure they felt before debuting. I can’t wait to hear more songs where they talk about their personal experiences, because clearly they’re good at it. In general this album is much darker than their previous two releases and they suit them well. The songs are more varied, too: You have the classic TXT style opening song, but the lead single “Can’t You See Me?” is full of angst, which is new for them. “PUMA” is like dark R&B, while “Fairy of Shampoo”, a reworked cover of a popular 1990s Korean song, is more city-pop. And then you have “Eternally” which reminded me of twenty one pilots’ “Ode to Sleep” in the way it completely changes up its style several times throughout the song. It’s all coherent and flows well from top to bottom though, and I think they’re well on their way to carving their own niche in the saturated and often same-same (k-) pop landscape.

Agust D: D-2 (2020)

He finally came back. SUGA of BTS last released a mixtape under his solo moniker Agust D in 2016. That one was very dark, brazen at times, and incredibly open and honest about his struggles, ending on a note of hoping that things will get better. This follow-up release makes it clear that Agust D has become a slightly different person in the past few years. He’s still brazen at times, but he has good reason to be, looking at how incredibly successful BTS has become since 2016. As always, he makes fun of those who decide to be haters but cleverly never gets too specific - if you feel attacked, that’s on you. There is a lot of introspection on this album too. It’s generally much less defeated or dark than on the 2016 self-titled release, but it’s still not all sunshine and rainbows. His problems have morphed -  he has now achieved his dreams, but it’s not quite what he expected it to be. There are a lot of thoughts about dreams, about what it means to grow up, about what his position in the world means and feels like. That sounds like it’s very focused on himself and might be inaccessible to us non-famous people, but that’s absolutely not the case. A lot of it are quite mundane questions that everyone asks themselves in their 20s, like “what am I doing with my life?” and “what kind of person am I really?”. He makes it clear that he doesn’t have the answers, but he somehow makes you feel comforted in that uncertainty. The musical style is more like current hip-hop, where Agust D was more like harder, older hip-hop, but retains his (especially recent) typical, very melodious style, with him even singing some choruses. There are various styles and interesting production choices that make for a varied, but cohesive listening experience. 

Hayley Williams: Petals for Armor (2020)

I mentioned this album in the “Quarantunes” post as well, but the full album was released after that went up, so it deserves another mention here. This album tells a story of an emotional journey towards healing, without ever getting preachy or feeling insincere. In several interviews Hayley mentions her therapy journey and learning to deal with her trauma and how this album helped with that. Listening to all the songs in order, a journey of self-discovery, -acceptance, and -empowerment is laid out. All these things are typically found in little things and learning to change your perspective. It’s Hayley’s most feminine work yet, in the sense that she’s embracing all of her different aspects: the delicate, the powerful, the rage, the love. Everything is wrapped in sounds inspired by Alternative music, but more, as said before, the Björks, Radioheads, and synth-y 80s artists, instead of loud guitar bands. My favourite songs are “Crystal Clear”, “Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris”, “Over Yet”, “Cinnamon” and “Simmer”.

IU: Palette (2017)

When it was announced that IU and SUGA from BTS (two of the most popular artists in Korea) would release a collab song, I decided to check out her (IU’s) music more intensely, because I only knew one or two of her songs from the Dalkom Café playlist on Spotify. One of them is on this album, “Palette (ft. G-Dragon)”. This album, to me, best encapsulates IU’s sound: from heartbreaking ballads to satisfying light K-R&B, to slightly darker, groovy K-R&B (I think that’s the right genre term..), this one has them all. I’m not the biggest fan of ballads, but I enjoy IU’s voice so much that I don’t mind listening to them at all. I really love it, however, when she leaves that style behind for the slightly darker, or at least more pop sounds, like on “Palette”, but especially on “Jam Jam” and “Black Out”. She has a certain attitude on those songs that are slightly opposite of the pure, innocent image I previously had of her. It seems very sincere though, most likely because she writes on all of her songs. She has been utilising this style more often in recent years, on songs like “Bbibbi” and “Blueming” (both certified bops). “Eight”, the collab with SUGA, is an uplifting, yet bittersweet feeling pop anthem that almost feels like it could’ve been just a little bit longer. I’ll probably dive deeper into her lyrics soon and I’m excited for what I will find.

Sunmi: Warning (2018)

Last summer, Sunmi released the single “Lalalay” and I immediately loved it. I learned the choreography pretty much the week after I heard it the first time. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to have much other music on her Spotify page though, just a couple of older singles (which I also immediately loved). This year she released “pporappippam” (which is basically the romanization of the Korean title which translates to Purple Night), a bittersweet, nostalgic, summer pop song, like only Sunmi can do. Seriously, no one else in K-Pop is releasing music like hers, and they probably don’t even dare to try. For those who don’t know, she used to be in one of the historically most popular girlgroups Wonder Girls. But besides that, she has been releasing her own style of pop since she started releasing solo music and Warning (which they must’ve only recently put on Spotify in full) is a pretty good encapsulation of that sound. It’s almost like a mix between K-Pop and K-R&B, but more like IU’s moodier songs for example. It’s not flashy and sparkly, but it’s not full-on groove either. It’s a bit of both and it works perfectly for her. 

--

Special mentions for new albums I haven’t listened to that much but do enjoy a lot: HAIM’s Women in Music Part III, Irene&Seulgi’s Monster, Taylor Swift’s folklore (released like a week before this post is published but it’s undeniably good and will get a longer write-up when I’ve had more time with it), Loona’s discography

[lunasilvermorny]

End of year 4

(I know I’m not done with season 1 of the Quidditch story, but it seems like it’ll take a while, so in the meantime, I want to actually progress the story.)

Wait, he hasn’t came back yet? The hell is he doing?

Aww, she looks so proud.

That’s the look of- “At least it’s not Slytherin.”

(Unless you’re playing as one, but I’m not, so it works.)

Such a plot twist...

Yeah, you were only a 1,000+ points ahead. No big deal.

Me: Finally, I got to year 5!

Everyone who’s been through it:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusions:

(This is going to be a long one...)

In general:

I think year 4 was overall a good one. I liked the pace of the story (a bit slow sometimes, but never enough to make me completely disinterested.) and the fact that it was longer than the previous years made it better to really get invested in the plot.

Now for a deeper dive (with obvious spoilers):

The main plot:

I think the plot of year 4 is the most interesting we had so far. It was darker, but no too much to break the immersion. There were actual plot twists (the whole thing with Ben was very well executed.) and the new characters they introduced were really well made.

However, even though I thought the plot was pretty good, there were some really boring parts. For exampe - the part with sickleworth. I was really looking forward to it, but it was just tedious.

Let’s go search the arrowhead here. Oh, it’s not here? Let’s go there instead. No? Then let’s try this place...

Mind-numbingly boring and a waste of time.

New characters:

Rakepick:

As much as I think she’s a manipulative prick, she’s a great addition to the story. Her problematic methods are in perfect contrast to the other professors and I think it adds a lot to have an irresponsible adult around to enable MC’s behavior, when it comes to furthering the plot in a believable direction.

I don’t like the way she manipulates Merula into doing her dirty work, but again, it makes perfect sense that they would take this direction in order to keep Merula relevant as the antagonist.

Professor Kettleburn:

What more can I say? They nailed it. I love everything that has to do with him. I truly believe they made him justice the way they’ve portrait him. I went over the stuff that JKR wrote about him and they were very faithful to the source material. I think they’re way better at adapting characters that had no presence in the HP books and movies.

So yeah - great job, JC. Honestly.

Charlie Weasley:

Supported by my last statement about the way they adapt characters - Charlie is wonderful. I know that a lot of people find his obsessive talk about dragons annoying and one-dimensional, but in a game where most characters are not explored to a very deep level, I think it was smart to keep a simple and coherent character arc.

I like how calm and easy going he is and I just found myself enjoying almost every interaction MC had with him.

I really liked the fact that he was a huge part of the main story and that he automatically joined us in all the important parts, just like Tulip and Barnaby in year 3. His adventurous nature was very uplifting at times and he just made everything 10 times more interesting.

I can understand why he’s such a fan favorite. Again, great job, JC.

Andre Egwu:

I know that we technically already met him in year 3, but his presence was almost non-existent until year 4, so I consider him a new addition.

Anyway, like the rest of the new characters, I really like Andre.

At the beginning he was a bit annoying, but my impression on him changed very quickly once he had more screen time.

Proving that he’s more than a sassy background character, he showed that he’s a true friend in the main plot and the SQs. The fact that he’s our fashion-guy that always happy to help is already good enough, but his supportive nature in the main plot (giving MC his broom, join her to the forbidden forest) just made it so much better.

Liz Tuttle:

Even thought she’s still not our friend, she was in the background of a few SQ and was introduced in the Polyjuice Potion SQ. The problem is that... that’s it.

Anyone who’s been in my blog more than 10 minutes knows how much I like Liz and how her big of a presence she has in the headcanon, but she’s barely anywhere in the game and it’s such a shame.

I’d like to know her character better and I feel like there’s a missed opportunity. I adore her love and dedication for creatures and animals, and hope they wouldn’t just use it as a joke like- “look at that weird girl that cares way too much about animals” instead of showing it in a positive light.

Old characters:

Ben - I think I like the most what they've done with Ben. The fact that he was the masked “dark wizard” was a true plot twist and even though I suspected it, it still got me.

Rowan - I didn’t like the fact that Rowan was a judgemental arse and that in the end he was right, even though he had no proof and based his suspicions on gut feeling. That’s extremely out of character of him and I hated it.

Side quests:

There were many. Some were just brilliant (the Celestial Ball SQ and the First Date SQ), and some weren’t. (like the Nearly-Headless Nick one and.. I can barely remember, because they were so dull.)

But here’s a very quick recap (because I said all I had to say in the SQs posts):

Nearly-Headless Nick - So damn boring!

Unleash Your Patronus - Disappointing, but not a complete failure.

Polyjuice Potion - I wouldn’t have liked it nearly as much if Liz wasn’t in it... but she were, so I can’t say I hated it.

Celestial Ball - Brilliant! 10/10. Loved it. By far the best.

Rita Returns - Boring.

First Date - Amazing!

Become a Prefect - a bit boring at times, but in general it was a nice little SQ.

Magical Creatures Everywhere - Nice premise, I enjoyed all the creatures and characters involved, but it was just a fetch quest without anything too interesting. No stakes, very basic story. Not the best, but we had worst.

Also, I need to point out that I changed my opinion on Penny based on the SQs. (not only in this specific year.) They put her way too much in placed that she wasn’t belong and it left me more annoyed with her than anything. She was one of my favorite characters and now I just want to skip any dialogue with her, because I’m so tired of her.

The Vault:

This part was very disappointing. The build-up was promising, but there was barely a pay-off. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as the vault from year 3, even though I think it had greater potential.

Also, I hated the fact we had to fight the Acromantula instead of choosing between a fight and a conversation, like Kettleburn advised us.

Oher stuff:

Chimaera - I guess we’ll see it through next year? It felt more like a running gag than anything, but it’s a freaking Chimaera that’s running loose! There’s no way we’re not going to encounter it at some point. Anyway, I thought it was amusing as a background plot to show Kettleburn’s recklessness.

Studying - I know that most of the time it was to learn about things that have to do with the vault, but I still liked to see them sit and study, especially MC with Rowan. It’s a school after all.

Snape and Rakepiclk’s rivalry - it wasn’t written in the best way, but the presence of their rivalry was very much appreciated as a part of the plot. I like how Snape’s view of her stand in contrast to everything she did “to help” them and I think it adds a bit more depth to both of their characters.

The Weasleys - I loved all of their background plots. Such a wholesome addition.

Joking about Rakepick - it’s a very small thing, but I loved every mention of their fear that Rakepick is going to kill them. Very amusing.

Dumbledore’s absence - it just felt too convenient, so MC’d be able to do more things without supervision. It didn’t sit well with me and just felt like a cop-out.

Detention - Even though it was a shame that MC didn’t get her usual 100 house points at the end of the year, I do appreciate the fact that Dumbledore finally punished her bad behavior. Took him long enough, but it’s a start.

Quidditch:

I know it’s technically supposed to be in the second year, but since it’s started when MC was already in her 4th year, I treat it as if it’s part this year.

I think this addition improves the game significantly. The mechanics are fun and the plot is okay.

Penny’s role is very out of place and like I said before, it makes me love her character less and less. The new characters, however, are really interesting. I feel like each brings a new thing that no other character has brought before.

Skye - Although she left a very bad first impression, I think overall she’s okay. Her backstory is interesting and she makes the player want to win, for themselves and for her.

McNully - I think he’s great. Talk too much? Sure, but that’s part of his charm. He’s funny and interesting, and by far contributed the most to get MC in the team.

Orion - Again, it took me a while to like him, but his bs attitude became very comforting at times and I grew to like his weird dialogues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts:

This year was interesting and much more than the previous ones, in almost any aspect. It wasn’t perfect, but if I take everything into consideration, I think it was a successful year and my new favorite.

I know year 5 is way messier and incoherent, so I don’t have a lot of expectations. I’m just glad that we got this far and the story was still interesting enough to keep me going.

[omgviolette12]

After hours - Chapter 3 A professor Loki Fanfic

Previous Chapter

Summary: Evelyn Monroe has been a TA for professor Laufeyson’s Calculus course for four months now. He was known to be quite strict, but that never deterred her from applying for the position in order to be close to the man she had been secretly pining for. One evening, she returns to his office after opening hours… and with her bountiful luck, she walks in on something not meant to be seen. 

Chapters: 3/?

Words: 2178

Tags: @milkymaidme @dangertoozmanykids101 @alexakeyloveloki  @little-moonbeam-666  @marvel-ous-fics @clovermariear @lynnesm

If you’d like to be added, let me know. I’ve also posted this on AO3

_____________

“...I am unsure as to why you are prostrating in front of my door, but perhaps we could discuss matters... inside?”

With every fiber of her being, Evelyn desperately wanted to get up and hightail it down the hallway. But she remained glued to the floor, staring squarely at the two imposing feet in front of her. Cold sweat began to form at the base of her back, and she feared her heart was about to burst out of her chest with the way it was beating.

Evelyn cursed her luck. Why did he decide to leave his office now?  

She shot up clumsily to her feet, nearly bucking her already injured nose against his hard chest. Thankfully, he stepped back before she did.

Evelyn adjusted her dress, dusting off imaginary dirt as she clutched the letter in a tight grip.

She then proceeded to enter his office with hesitant, stiff steps, avoiding his gaze with a lowered head.

She could hear him sigh audibly, shutting the door behind him before moving around her to sit behind his desk.

An awkward silence descended upon the room, alongside a tension so thick she could cut it with a knife.

Evelyn remained standing, hands clammy with sweat as she looked at anything but Professor Laufeyson. It was as if suddenly, the vintage furniture in his office became immensely interesting. The green wallpaper had a pretty pattern to it as well-

The clearing of his throat breached the silence, then the sound of his voice reverberated throughout the room, “Would you please just...sit? You aren’t a stranger, Miss Monroe.”

She looked up briefly at the chair situated in front of his desk. Almost instantly, distracting images of professor Laufeyson and that woman began to flit quickly inside her mind’s eye. Naked and panting, the tangible smell of sex, their unified moans -

“No. I’m good. I’m not staying long anyway.” Her reply came out much harsher and clipped than intended, but she honestly didn’t want to sit near a desk where another female had just gotten her back blown out by her professor.

Professor Laufeyson merely sighed at her answer, and she took it as him conceding to her stance. But she was wrong.

“Evelyn. Look at me.”

The severity of his voice commanded such strong obedience from Evelyn, that she all but snapped her head up to attention - her wide, hazel eyes instantly meeting the cold, blue ones of her professor.

“ I insist that you sit. I would like to speak with you, face to face, as an adult.”

Slightly scared of what would happen if she didn’t, she obliged his request. Although, she made sure the chair was a comfortable distance away from the desk - which was a pretty wide margin.

If he was hurt by the way she scorned him, he didn’t show it. Instead, he met her gaze head on - not one flicker of embarrassment or shame in sight. Whatever terror or humiliation she saw in his eyes that night, seemed like an illusion.

“… First, I would like to explain-”

“I’m not telling anyone.” Evelyn cut him off abruptly, catching both herself and her professor off guard.

“ I-I mean, I told my sis, but she doesn’t go here, and um, uh, my momma ain’t raise no snitch, so please don’t worry about anyone else finding out. Because it’s none of my business. Zip Zip. Quiet as a mouse.”

Evelyn had the bad habit of babbling when she was nervous, and she seriously wished her mouth didn’t exist at that moment. However, it continued to have a life of its own as her words shot out rapidly, barely giving her professor a chance to speak.

“Evelyn, listen to-”

“ - And I came to...to tell you I can’t be your TA anymore. I uh...wrote a letter. I’ll accept an incomplete grade or something. I’ll try to talk about it with my...um... adviser...so yeah.”

Without another word, Evelyn got up from her chair to head straight for the door. If she stayed for another moment, she feared she would die from sheer, overwhelming embarrassment. It’s like all coherent thought fled from her whenever she was in the presence of this man.

She barely managed to open the door when it was shut back roughly with a loud bang!

Evelyn stood still in shock as the scent of her professor overwhelmed her senses - one large hand beside her head kept the door firmly shut, as his breath fanned against her neck.

Ho..holy crapping shit!

“I said listen to me, for God’s sake woman!”

Although his voice remained stern, she could hear a bit of pleading to it as well.

Evelyn couldn’t trust her voice to speak anyway, so she remained silent - hands pressed against her chest in a defensive posture.

He’s so close, he’s so close, holy...please back the heck up!

She was practically hyperventilating at this point, and she was pretty sure she was about to faint.

“Evelyn? Evelyn, please...look at me.”

He turned her around by the shoulder, and he could see that her brown skin was flushed red, sweat forming at the brows.

She was now facing his chest. He smelled really, really good, and when she looked up...his sharp blue eyes laced with concern bore into her being.

Evelyn had never, ever been this close to a man before. Much less one she liked. She never cared for a relationship and preferred to focus on her education. But now...her lack of experience was really biting her in the ass.

Yep. Definitely going to faint. Fuck my life.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, before she was met with darkness.

_____________

The first thing Evelyn felt, was pure warmth. She felt so comfortable and at peace, that she didn't want to move. Or wake up.

She nuzzled her face further into this warmth, as a soothing caress went up and down her back, then alongside her waist. It felt really good, and Evelyn was pretty much a melted puddle of goodness at this point.

The tantalizing scent of her professor filled her nostrils - sandalwood, lavender, whatever the hell it was that men wore these days lulled Evelyn deeper into -

Wait...wait a minute…

…. professor?

Evelyn's eyes shot open as her sleep-addled mind began to gain awareness.

Two long, strong arms trapped her in an embrace, as she slept comfortably on the lap of professor Laufeyson.

Her face had been burrowed into his neck, and he had a possessive grip on her hip and arm as he caressed both idly.

What..what in the ducking fuck is goin' on??!

Evelyn was freaking out mentally at this point, but she was too scared to move. She had fainted, which was embarrassing enough. But how in the world did she end up in her professor's lap of all places?

They were still within the confines of his office from what she could see, and that he had settled them on the couch that was in the far corner of the room.

It was rarely used, however, and she recalled having to dust it off on multiple occasions. It was taking up space, and she always wondered why he even bothered to keep it there.

Well...it obviously came in handy now.

But she was confused as to why he didn't just leave her on the couch until she woke up, and took to holding her instead.

She could no longer ponder over it however, as the deep rumbling of her professor's voice through his chest startled the wits right out of her.

" Since you are awake...perhaps we could now continue our conversation?"

Evelyn merely let out a high pitched 'mhmm!'

At the moment, she couldn’t even speak if she wanted to. If her anxiety was bad before, it shot up several more levels.

All she could think about was the fact that she was actually sitting in his lap. And that he was touching her. It was a wonder she hadn’t fainted again. Her dress had also ridden up quite a bit because of the way he was touching her, but she didn’t want to draw attention to that area by adjusting it.

He exhaled above her, continuing his soothing ministrations against her hip and shoulder, " I...I apologize for startling you. If I had known you were so...weak hearted, I would not have done that. But I couldn't just watch you leave when I hadn't even begun to speak my part."

His tone had shifted drastically from the stern, cold professor she had become used to. It was calming...and gentle.  And gentle was never a word she thought could be attached to this man. Well, the more you know…

"That night… I didn't expect for anyone, least of all you, to be there. I was sure the door was locked, but I was sorely mistaken. I… I apologize sincerely for what you had to see, and for how I treated you. It is no excuse, but I was quite panicked."

So...it hadn't been a trick of the eyes. He was just as embarrassed about it as I was. But…

"Who...who was she?" Evelyn blurted out the first thing that came to mind, and once again wished she could bite off her own tongue.

She felt him stiffen significantly against her, before he gave a cool, distant reply, " I'm afraid that isn't any of your business. You have no need to concern yourself with her."

The words left her mouth before she could stop herself, " But..but she looked really familiar. She was around my skin tone, had a similar hairstyle, and she was around my… my...height…"

Those were… a lot of my's...

Now that Evelyn thought about it...the only reason she entered his office was that she thought she heard her name. Very clearly.

She was a bit on the slow side when it came to these things, so it took a while before she could put two and two together.

Wait...no, that couldn't be. I'm definitely tripping. Am I overthinking shit? She...was she? -

"Perhaps it is time for you to head home."

He shifted her off his lap quite suddenly, and she was ashamed to say she was getting quite aroused comfortable sitting there.

She watched him with wide eyes as he got up, and began to take his long overcoat from the hanger, “You were out for approximately half an hour, and it has gotten quite late. I will take you home.”

Evelyn knew if she pursued the question, he’d most likely get irritated with her. But she couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility...

“Uh...but is she a student here? Or.. or…”

“ Evelyn.”

He turned around to look at her, his eyes glacier, “I will not repeat myself.”

Well yikes… okay then…

Seeing her expression, he sighed in resignation, “No, she is not a student. Please leave it at that.”

Evelyn got up silently from the couch, picking up her cardigan before slipping on her flats, “Yeah… um...sorry. I don’t live far from campus, so I can just walk-”

“When I said that I would take you home, it wasn’t a question.”

He opened the door, waiting for her to step out. “After you.”

The drive back in his car had been mostly silent so far, and Evelyn had no intention of breaking it. She was drained both physically and mentally, and she was glad she had no classes the next day.

But she could see from her periphery that he stole glances at her from time to time, like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.

It wasn’t often that her professor was lost for words, so she was curious as to what he wanted to say. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long, “...I understand if your decision is solidified, regarding being my TA. However...I would be extremely grateful if you were to remain. I… I value your presence.”

Evelyn looked back at him hesitantly, “But...I thought I was doing badly anyway...that’s why I got you that cake, since I felt terrible about it.”

At the mention of the cake, her professor surprised her with a warm chuckle, “Regardless of the circumstances, I appreciate the thought very much. On that note, TAs do not have midterm evals usually- I had just wanted to scare you into attending meetings more consistently.”

Evelyn was baffled for multiple reasons -  First, was that he chuckled. And second, was that he basically lied to her so she could come by more often.

Don’t let it get to your head...he definitely isn’t interested. I’m his student, he was just looking out for me, like always.

But then... why would he use my name that night? And that lady was practically my twin…

Long after he had dropped her home, and she had settled beneath the covers of her bed, thoughts along those lines continued to plague her mind.

___________

A/N: Please, do not hesitate to let me know what you think! It feeds into my drive~

[quarantingz]

attempting to write again...

sunday, 7 june at 10 am

The truth is I haven’t posted in God knows how long because with every attempt I’ve made to write, it would just get cut short by this nagging need for every sentence to be grammatically perfect and equally profound. For it to be coherent and concise. But that’s not how my mind works at all. What initially was supposed to be a safe and healthy space (and way) for Alyssa and I to express ourselves had turned into something more regulated, for me at least. I had slept with my social editor (credits to Welby Ings for coining this term) which extended beyond a one night stand and now I need to break up with him. So please bear with me as I now proceed to do exactly that, by trying to write after many previous failed attempts. Only this time with less judgment and resistance.

I guess another truth worth mentioning as to why I haven’t returned from my writing hiatus, if we want to call it that, was because I was wrestling with a lot of thoughts and ideas. Both internal and external, ever since coming out of lockdown and back into society. Almost like an ex-convict freed from jail. Only I didn’t see iso as anything closely resembling imprisonment but rather a time for rest and retreat. It’s funny because the book I spent almost all of quarantine in the company of (I consider books as my friends at this point) was about house arrest too. I learned a lot from that book. I’ll quote a handful of lines that stood out to me throughout this blogpost.

Right now I’m sitting here reflecting again on what lockdown entailed for me. I know I’m not alone in saying that it was actually a really positive experience. Although difficult in the beginning, I allowed myself to relax for once. Yes I still felt on edge, anxious and frantic at times but most of my mornings were sacred and something to look back fondly on.

I’m going to be honest again and say that I’m finding it hard to continue writing right now. Before creating this Note entry, everything was coming so clearly and naturally to me but now that I’m trying to articulate my thoughts, I can’t seem to get past this huge boulder blocking my way. And it’s really fucking annoying, to say the least. But I’ll keep trying.

Let me use some of the stuff I’ve been writing in my journal as prompts… In it I wrote a few days ago that one of my biggest fears, if not my worst one, is to lose (connection with) myself. Now I’ve put those two words in brackets because at its core, I think I’m generally just scared of losing myself. Which has a lot of other things attached to it. I’m scared of losing for even a moment what I’ve recently perceived as this heightened self-awareness I’ve somehow gained during lockdown. I’m scared of the thought of not progressing in my personal, career and spiritual growth. Of plateauing in even one of these departments.  

When level 2 started and I was able to be in the presence of another being in close proximity again, I kind of felt weird. I missed solitude which I forget was always something I craved as an introvert wherever I can squeeze it in each day. Given that I had more moments of solitude than I’ve ever had in my whole life in the two months we were all forced to stay inside our homes, I got too comfortable with this new way of living. I woke up, checked my sleep quality, meditated, walked the dogs, made coffee, read Scriptures, did deep work for at least two hours (which was made possible by putting my phone on airplane mode), had proper sit-down lunches with my family, read for leisure and ran regularly. In retrospect, it was the best retreat I could’ve asked for. To top it all off, there was no real pressure coming from my manager on the project I was working on. All in all, it was a great time and I can’t express enough how grateful I am to have had that privilege. To actually experience work-life balance in its rawest form.

Hence why I think it was so fitting that I stumbled upon the novel A Gentleman in Moscow which centred around an excellent example of a man who lives an intentional and purposely unrushed life while under house arrest. Someone who genuinely enjoys life’s simple pleasures. “When all was said and done,” he argues, “the endeavours that most modern men saw as urgent . . . probably could have waited, while those they deemed frivolous (such as cups of tea and friendly chats) had deserved their immediate attention.”

But after a fulfilling day of experiencing the latter with Alyssa and Cullen, I got home and was suddenly hit by this familiar wave of guilt for not “working on something” at the moment. Although this growth mindset has served me well all my life, it has also impeded my ability to tune into the Now. In saying that, I feel like quarantine primed me for what's next. And I do feel like something new is coming. Not just for me but for all of us. Cullen felt and pointed it out too. While there have been a lot of challenging events that happened through the course of the year so far, the optimist in me can’t help but feel like something good can still come out of all of this. Of course there are also a lot of other layers to this feeling. Anxiety, dread, boldness, excitement, intimidation, glee, hope, determination, faith, fear, love, doubt. And it doesn’t just end there. It’s perpetual. Cyclical. Contradictory. Which is part of the human condition and brings me to this line in the aforementioned book:

“By their very nature, human beings are so capricious, so complex, so delightfully contradictory, that they deserve not only our consideration, but our reconsideration—and our unwavering determination to withhold our opinion until we have engaged with them in every possible setting at every possible hour.”

There’s a lot to learn and more importantly relearn. About humanity and society at large. The past and how we want to move forward and change for the better. Which is going to take a hell of a lot of work that doesn’t occur overnight. In the context of the Black Lives Matter movement, I’ve been seeing a lot of inspiring statements about showing up however we can and how being an ally to the oppressed can manifest in various ways. And if we think about it there is no point in fighting when the very goal is to support, respect and love each other. So I guess what I’m trying to do is echo Alyssa’s words on checking within ourselves first before we take action or impose anything on anyone else. To withhold judgment aimed towards another being since at the end of the day we’re all just One Body aren’t we? (Thanks to Alyssa and Cullz for bringing up this term yesterday) 

I feel like I could say so much more but I’m no expert in social studies or anything for that matter so I’ve refrained from publicly speaking up. Alas, admitting ignorance is often the first and important step to gaining knowledge. Conversely, listening closely before speaking is integral to understanding. Two truths that I’m currently living by and trying to improve on. 

with tender love and respect,

- p

[janiedean]

I have to tell you something but PLEASE, please, don't be mad. I love Brienne, and I loved her with Jamie, and I'm mad and sad that they didn't get to have their happy ending...but I don't think his ending was shit. Or OOC. First at all, book!Jamie is not TV!Jamie: his relationship with Cersei is different, not as sick or manipulative. He loves his siter and is loved by her in a more "helthier" way: in the show she told Tywing the truth about them, and it's huge considering the love for power1/?

He watched her lose their 3 children, he learned about her walk of shame to get back to Tommen, he witnessed Robert’s humiliations. I think he would have stayed with Brienne if she knew his sister was safe, but he couldn’t be happy if his siter died and he did nothing to save her. He needed to be that person, otherwise all his growth would be lost, and he would have dragged Brienne in his spiral, and he didn’t want to make her miserable. To me he is still an honorable man, bc when there was a chance to do something, he did it: he killed the king to save KL, he fought the dead army, but over and over he said that the Lannister army didn’t stand a chance against the dragons or the Dathraki, he was not a fool. His speech was not about NOT CARING, it was about knowing there was nothing he could have done. He did good, he was good, and till his last moment he tried to be honorable, he tried to be the person Brienne inspired him. P.s.: Still heartbroken that he died, but I think there is some poetic justice with Cercei crashed by the symbol of the power she tried lo long to hold.

anon, I appreciate that you’re being nice and I appreciate that you’re trying to find some sense in this entire thing, but… okay, I’ll go over it and please don’t take me as *me* being mad or whatever but I don’t think a few things were clear here so I’ll try to do it now:

jc in the show is not healthier. it might be different, but it’s not and the fact that it might have been less obvious doesn’t mean that they didn’t drag that toxic mess out for four seasons when it had no reasons to exist. now: I was down with looking at it until s4 because that was book canon and I can deal with book canon. I had to look at three more fucking seasons of that toxic abusive mess happening and I don’t know if it’s obvious or not, but if I have one thing, like one in the universe that I can’t deal with, that I hate and that makes me feel sick more than anything else it’s emotional/psychological manipulation. and show!jc has that in spades and I can’t. like, as it is right now I’m pretty damn sure I’d take reading explicit thramsay fic that ends horribly with annexed detailed fanart than even rewatching five seconds of a scene where those two are in the same frame and is2g if they had kissed at the end of 8x05 I’d have thrown up. please for the love of everything if you think it’s better than book canon your prerogative, but don’t come at me informing me of that because I can’t. especially not right now;

I honestly can’t give much of a damn about the stuff c. suffered when 80% of that is her damn fault and I’m especially talking about tommen who only did that because she gave zero shits about his opinion in anything but we’re supposed to think she’s a good mother or that she cares which makes me especially sick because people have decided that for her out of nowhere when we all know how much leeway they give catelyn for that and I’m honestly done with it, and maybe it’s not inconsistent that he’d care, but it’s inconsistent how they wrote it;

because I mean if they showed some half-regret over leaving brienne or she was mentioned or if the entire thing was addressed instead of spending four episodes building it up and then did in four minutes what it took six feet under an entire season to do with nate and brenda back in the day is bad writing, has no consistency, it also murdered tyrion as a character because I can’t believe that in the span of two episodes he goes from I’m happy that you’re happy to WELL I DON’T HATE MY SISTER SO MUCH JUST GO TO PENTOS when ah, wait, c. sent bronn to kill both of them?

also ‘who ever cared abotu the innocents’ or whatever the fuck that line was??? wow, that’s all this asshole has ever cared about in canon to the point of losing his reputation for it not counting c. or tyrion at least in the very beginning of the series when everyone thinks he’s an ass, and I have to buy that this episode was halfway decent writing?

also: even if I was okay with jaime’s ending - which I could have been if at least it amounted to something because that entire episode was a plot hole after plot hole (where’s widow’s wail? he waves WITH THE FAKE HAND??? WTF??, did he ring the bells so he actually helped destroy the city without knowing dany would lose her shit through jon connington’s ghost possessing her? if bran didn’t rat him out bc he had A ROLE TO PLAY what was the damned role since he hasn’t done anything until now that warranted it??? just the first four) and he didn’t even… help cersei or take her out like he literally was there to just give her some basic human comfort and rocks fall everyone dies, what’s the sense of it?? -, anon, this entire narrative leaves brienne horribly;

because sorry but in the best of chances she’s not pregnant and someone lies to her and tells her jaime went there to stop cersei and tried to be honorable (which given what they made him say about not caring for the innocents makes it bad writing but nvm) and she can think okay, I waited years for the right guy to trust/open myself to and then he left me like that but at least he did it for a good reason now will I ever trust anyone again, maybe, and I assure you that getting over such a thing is not too easy, but that would be the best option. mid-bad option: she still thinks he did it for the right reasons but she’s pregnant so hey, she has an illegitimate child from a man who left her like that to go into a senseless death making her believe she was wrong about him and breaking her heart and she has to play single mother in tarth without him or maybe she can hedge knight along with the kid or leave him with pod or smth but that doesn’t look good on jaime either. or worse, she’s pregnant and she finds out he went just to die with cersei and didn’t even mention her or anything to tyrion along the way so she did all of the above…. for a guy who at the end of it as the narration puts it just went back to die with c. and a kid he didn’t even know might be real or not when she could have given him what he always craved/wanted/needed and left her like that? like, anon, even if it was a good ending for jaime, there is no bloody way that brienne gets out of this mess of a season with a dignified ending unless they somehow manage to pull a miracle out of their arses and sorry but their writing has been so bad that I honestly doubt it, not even david milch showing up like the calvarly could salvage this crap of a finale, and for all characters tbqh, not just them;

on top of that, sorry but it passes the message that brienne, only rep. in this show for nonstandard attractive people who spends years thinking she’ll never find love and suddenly thinks she can be happy with the guy who also fulfilled her greatest dream and opens herself up to him putting her vulnerability on the line (and while I don’t really think the whole virginity thing is that much of an issue since she actually did manage to give it to the guy she wanted it does mean something in this context)…………. shouldn’t have done it because wow, left like that without a second thought and without being addressed in the next episode at all by at least tyrion who has spent the previous four episodes either admiring her or trying to get her and jaime together never mind jaime? wow, I mean, I surely signed up to see the character I always saw myself in getting this shit treatment by people who obviously didn’t understand either her or jaime at the bottom of it for as much as I still think 8x04 did it right until the end?

anon, I appreciate your optimism about that narrative, but this episode was so badly written that it managed to about destroy the narratives of characters that weren’t even in it (sansa and brienne, and let’s not even discuss sansa because lmao), to have every single person but davos and possibly jon but meh behave ooc given what half of their lines said if not their actions because even if we take jaime’s actions as your reading (legit) what they made him say was still atrocious and ooc and same for tyrion, let’s not even touch dany or sandor/arya or really anyone that wasn’t davos. I cannot, in all good conscience, find anything good about this mess because it was badly written. period. even if we decide that the plot and motivations were fine and we try to make them make sense the way you did, the execution was shit, the dialogue was shit, it looked like they weren’t even trying, it did a disservice to every single character that was in it except davos who was there for five seconds to smuggle stuff and I honestly, honestly, cannot even find the force of will to try to make sense of it.

this entire season has been a gigantic plot hole, it wasn’t coherent within its own narration see ep. 2 clashing with ep. 8, 90% of what happened post 8x02 was for shock value without giving a single fuck about making it look in character and making the characters behave nonsensically - and I don’t mean just jaime, I mean all of them to serve the undoubtedly wtf shocking ending they have in plan for us which if I guessed already I’ll hate with the force of a thousand suns, and I’m honestly done with trying to make sense of this thing because nothing makes sense anymore. I appreciate that y’all are trying but I give up. I can’t make sense of a narrative that goes like ‘we’re doing this because it’s cool and if it doesn’t add up with everything we did before who gives a fuck’, and I honestly can do without trying to find a silver lining in a show that has totally twisted the message of the books and turned into an angst fest for which everyone has to be miserable at all costs or it’s not good tv, and that’s the last I’m going to say about this specific matter because:

a) I’m tired, b) I want to finish my spitefics and ignore this mess ever happened and concentrate on doing something that makes me happy, c) if I just keep on thinking about how bad this was IN GENERAL I wish jaime was my #1 problem I just feel worse and I don’t need it, d) the fact that they did brienne this dirty and she wasn’t even in this episode is really leaving the worst sour taste in my mouth and it’s already bad enough that I have to hope her ending is only 80% crap and not 100% crap, I honestly can’t with discourse that tries to find any basic sense in how this episode was conceived and executed beyond my problems with jc, jaime’s writing and the fact that they managed to get wrong one of his three most basic character traits that has nothing to do with brienne or jb for that matter.

thanks for being polite and nice about this and I swear I’m not mad but I honestly can’t with this episode and I would appreciate if from this point on anyone could refrain from trying to make jc sound better than it is where I can see it/where I can’t blacklist it because it’s really not a good idea right now. thanks again and have a possibly nicer than than mine. ;)